#fun fact: I wrote this fic on Earth Day

[nnight-dances]

LOVE 119

PAIRING: park wonbin x fem!reader

GENRE: FLUFF (!!!) with a hint of angst

TROPES: established relationship with age gap, just silly boyfriend girlfriend things because i was in a silly mood, cooking slander, cute lovesick shit.

NOTE: my debut riize fic!!! i know i said i wasn't going to write anything before the vernon fic but guys you have to believe me when i say this fic basically wrote itself. enjoy my wonbin brainrot that was born because i'm scared of getting older but it is what is is, and the way i cope is to write it <3 let me know what you think, ily!

It was never not going to feel weird to you, to have a boyfriend who was younger than you. Forget that Wonbin was only born a year after you, you couldn't shake the weirdness off because you'd never done it before. All of your relationships had been with men older than you, sometimes by outrageous numbers but never so much that they would find a way to abuse their age with you. So why was it that when you'd lay eyes on your current boyfriend and feel a rush of excitement, it made you coil up… like you were doing something wrong?

"You wanna get Wendy's for dinner?" Wonbin asks you, lying upside down on your bed, your white sheets enveloping him and emphasizing his soft edges all over. You blink at him, not meaning to ignore him but ending up leaving his question unanswered when your thoughts pull you back into your head–

It wasn't even like he acted younger. If anything, he was adamant to keep up his tough exterior in front of you most days, only breaking down into the soft romantic he was when you'd show him your own vulnerable sides. In fact, people who knew you were often shocked to find that you were the older one in the equation, eyeing both Wonbin's height advantage and your knack for acting the tantrum-thrower. So, why did you feel this storm brewing in your gut anyway?

"Babe?" Wonbin sits up when you keep staring into space, brows rising in concern, "You good, darling?" The worried tone your boyfriend's questions carry do right to bring you back to earth and you cough in embarassment. Way to start acting your age, you scold yourself, standing up all too quickly. 

But brave the iron-deficient darkness that spots your vision for a moment to declare, "No, no more Wendy's. It's too…" you pause, giving yourself a chance to think over your words, "unhealthy. We should look at what we eat."

Really? You were gonna go for the stubborn mom approach? 

If there was ever a window for you to take back your words, it was definitely closed now because Wonbin's grinning mischeviously, not quite sure what you were acting out about but enjoying the consequences nonetheless. He rolls over, not a minute's thought to the way his hair was sticking every which way. 

"So, what? You're gonna cook us dinner or something?" Wonbin's classic indifference lilts his words but his eyes are sparkling with the possibility of seeing a new side of you.

You cross your arms, a poorly-masked sigh leaving you, "I… will."

With that, you swerve out of your bedroom and pace toward the kitchen, appalled at the situation you were getting yourself into. It was no secret that while you were self-sufficient in most aspects of your life, cooking was far from one of your most-accomplished skills. But that didn't mean you were a complete disaster. 

You take a deep breath as you survey the ingredients in your fridge, brain working over-time to come up with a recipe that could be your dinner for the day. 

"I'd love some rice and vegetable stir-fry–" Wonbin's cheeky comment stops halfway when he sees your glare but the boy is having too much fun because he continues with a wink, "Please?"

"As funny as you are," you turn back around to the fridge, a plan forming in your mind, "I'm not taking orders today, sorry. And thanks to my limited inventory, tonight's dish is–" You set a carton of eggs on the counter with a sweet smile, "Omurice."

Wonbin's grin falls, right from his eyes when he looks at the counter as you start preparing rice and warm up the pan for the dish. "What? It's dinner time, Y/N!" he complains, "and plus, even if omurice was considered dinner in another world, it'd be for kids."

You gasp dramatically at this words but don't pay his words any attention. You hadn't planned to bring out the pouty boy leaning over the counter, frowning at your every unbothered move, but you can't say you're not enjoying it. And what's better is that you know for a fact that your omurice is your best chance at impressing your boyfriend with your cooking skills.

"Wonbin, trust me, you're not gonna regret sticking around for this omurice," you tell him over your shoulder, expertly sliding the eggs around on the pan, "I made this all the time back in my study abroad days in Japan. I learnt from the best."

This meets Wonbin by surprise, "You studied abroad in Japan? What the hell?"

You laugh, "It was a long time ago and only for a year. Not the most interesting thing about me either."

"That's crazy," Wonbin thinks out loud, "I wish I'd studied abroad."

"Why didn't you?"

"I hate travelling, especially for that short of a time. And I hate making new friends so I decided against wasting my energy."

You nod, "Fair enough. Plus," you spin around to grab two plates from the counter, "If you'd gone, I would've never met you when I did."

Wonbin watches you hard at word, chin on his palm, "I guess you're right. I would've been off-campus for junior year and by the time I'd get back, you would've graduated."

"Scary thought," you muse as you get started on the fried rice beside the omelette that you let cook for just a little.

"Not really, I'm sure we would've met either way," Wonbin says with a conviction that has you turning around with an inquistive look. He shrugs at your teasing look, "What? I think it's lame to think we met just by chance."

"Of course it was," you laugh, "I ran into you and spilled my coffee all over you. Babe, that's literally the definition of a chance encounter. I could've ran into anyone else, or maybe you could've never been there waiting for Sungchan."

You're staring on the ketchup decoration when Wonbin responds, "But you didn't. That's exactly it. There was a chance for all of those other things happening, all at random, but you ran into me. I think that has to mean something."

You can't conceal the goofy grin that spills across your lips when you meet Wonbin's expression of absolute gravity. He's so serious about insisting that you were meant to be and it has your heart melting. "You're cute," you sigh, presenting him with your finished products. He's distracted from the conversation when he catches the sight before him.

"Woah," he lets out, looking at you in shock, "Y/N, this looks amazing."

"Wait till you taste it," you pat his cheek, pulling him along to the makeshift dining table you'd set up recently, with a good view of both the huge window across the room and the television in your living room. 

"That's so good," Wonbin groans, speaking with his mouth full, "I'm sorry I doubted your skills, this is the best thing I've tasted."

You laugh, ears redenning at his flattery but relishing the way he can't seem to stop eating the warm dish. "I'm glad you like it," you take a bite yourself, satisfied that you hadn't lost your touch along the years. 

"Insane. I didn't know my girlfriend was hiding her inner cook all this time," he comments, smiling when he's done eating, "What else am I going to find out about you? You weren't in a gang or something before I met you, right?"

"Hold your horses, boy," you shush him, taking his plate to the sink, "You'll find out all my secrets with time."

You're running the plates under water to let them soak up some moisture when you feel your boyfriend's arms around your waist. "Wonbin?" you echo.

The boy's nose settles in the crook of your neck, stealing some of the warmth that rushes there at the contact. "Thank you," he mumbles into your back, "You're so cool. I want to be with you forever."

You choke over your own hitched breath, "You can't just say that!" 

"Sorry," his tone tells you he's not a bit sorry, "I'm just so happy whenever I'm with you. That's why I can't imagine a world where I'm not with you. Right here, holding you while you take care of me."

"If you're trying to kill me, it's really working," you sigh out with hot cheeks, barely managing to finish washing the dishes with all the sickly sweet confessions that are basically oozing out of Wonbin. He laughs a low laugh, kissing your ear as he pulls away. 

Your head feels light, heartbeat irregular because somehow, like always, Wonbin knows exactly what to say. Even if you hadn't voiced your worries out loud, his words were the perfect antidote to the baseless worries you were entertaining earlier. He was so gentle, the way he was reassuring that you weren't the only baby in this relationship, after all, you did your part in looking after him. 

"Tell me," you walk up to him, wrapping yourself around his torso this time, face propped up against his chest to look up at him, "It's your turn to share a secret with me."

"Hmm," Wonbin hums thoughtfully, slowly steering both of your bodies toward the bedroom, closing the door behind him, "I don't know… How about the fact that I was in squash club?"

"You were?" 

"Yeah, I loved it. I went to every single practice when I was a freshamn, even in the middle of the week, because it got my mind off everything," he says quietly, "It was the only place where I could forget trying to be likeable. I didn't have to make friends, just had to be good at the game."

"And were you?" you ask, knowing the answer to the question. 

"Yeah, I think so. That's probably why they wanted to make me captain of the club in sophomore year."

"Oooh, that's amazing. Now it makes sense why your quads are so built," you grin into his skin when he plops both of you onto the bed, "But wait, I don't remember you being captain when I met you?"

"That's because I didn't take the offer. I knew I would have my hands full in junior year and I hate doing things half-heartedly," Wonbin's eyes take on a distant look, but you can tell he doesn't regret his choice a bit. It was his choice, after all. 

"Ah, that's a good policy to have," you kiss his cheek, "Thank you for telling me."

Wonbin's lips lift up in a small smile at your comment, nodding in acknowledgment. "Now… are you gonna tell me what was on your mind earlier today?"

You freeze at his keen observation, averting your gaze in an attempt to skirt it, "I– It was nothing. Just stupid stuff. I'm over it though, so don't worry about it."

"I wouldn't worry about it if you looked in my eye while you said that," your boyfriend catches you again, firm arm bringing you closer to him, "Come on, sweet, let me in. What's wrong?"

You sigh in defeat. "You're too smart. And if you must know, I was just overthinking our age gap."

"Age gap? You mean that I was born 9 months after you?"

You glare at him, "Okay, I don't appreciate your fact-based attacks on my weaknesses. And an age gap is an age gap. It's my first time being with someone younger."

"So it's natural to feel weird," he completes your thought for you, "But you've always been so chill about it, what made this come up?"

"Not sure," you wonder yourself, "I've been feeling older recently. Even though my birthday was a month ago. I don't know, I feel like I'm not responsible enough sometimes, especially with you– I don't want to make you do everything."

"You don't," Wonbin brushes a thumb against your cheek. "You're always checking up on me, Y/N. And you're the one who made sure we were always communicating with each other, even about the small things. I think you'd pass the old soul check any day."

You chuckle softly at your boyfriend's reassurance, "You're not wrong. But you're sure I'm… enough?"

Wonbin frowns at your concern, "Hey, now that's a bigger issue than our age gap. Of course– You're more than enough, Y/N. Did you not hear me earlier? I can't imagine not being with you. That means, I can't imagine living without you. I'm like the luckiest guy to have managed to get you in bed with me. I'm serious, you turned my life around when you ruined my favorite shirt that day–"

"And I've apologized endlessly about it–"

"You're the reason I'm not a loner, following Sungchan around all the time because he's the only one who doesn't think of me as a stuck-up idiot. I love you so much."

"Okay, okay, I think I get it," you stop him, hand on your chest when he keeps snuggling closer, lips a breath away from your skin. "I'm not thinking those thoughts anymore, babe. I know you love me. I love you, too."

"Good," he pecks your nose, "But I have to say, you're hot when your older side comes out. Watching you cook me dinner was an experience I'm not forgetting anytime soon."

"I guess I better do it more then," you tease him, fingers running through his soft hair, "I'll go on a grocery run later this week. Cook you that stir-fry you wanted, huh?"

"If you're trying to get into my pants right now, congrats, you've made it," Wonbin laughs, cheeks warm at your bold promise. "But yes please, and can I come grocery shopping with you?"

"Sure you won't get bored? Grocery shopping is a boring adult chore, you know–"

"Okay, I don't think you're allowed to use your age to belittle me–"

"Or what? You're gonna get mad at me?"

"I hate you– I'm gonna go home if you're gonna–"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, babe, come back!" 

[nariism]

my brother's best friend

pair. miya osamu x gn!reader

content: fluff, attempts at humour, miya atsumu is a little shit, first loves, mutual pining

synopsis. miya osamu takes pride in the fact that he’s the smarter of the twins. he, in fact, is not (especially when it comes to you).

wc. 3.1k

a/n: om nom nom nom nom brother's best friend trope nom nom nom... ok i have to come clean about this fic i literally wrote the first draft for this in 2021 on WATTPAD and it's been sitting dormant forever up until recently. enjoy 🫶

‎oh my god, how did i end up here?

it’s the only thought repeating over and over again in osamu’s head as he sits there staring at you. you’re too preoccupied with the menu in your hands to notice his unwavering gaze, scanning through it and muttering to yourself indecisively about what to order.

of course, the question of how he ended up here on a date with you could be summarized in one simple sentence:

miya atsumu is the world’s biggest idiot.

if kita or aran were here they would surely be poking fun at him right now, lecturing him about how his dna is a perfect carbon copy of atsumu’s. and while they would be right, osamu is convinced his brother has at least 70% less brain cell capacity.

the thought makes him feel a little smug. (he’s in the class under atsumu.)

you were friends. at least as far as how often you saw each other, he considered you good friends. maybe. not that he knew all that much about you other than the fact that you were constantly... around. if he didn’t know that atsumu was the biggest knucklehead on planet earth, he would have assumed you were dating. but he knew his brother was too invested in volleyball to be seeing anyone seriously, and you didn’t didn’t seem like the type to mess around with guys like him anyways.

you were way too level-headed for that despite the raunchy, head-turning jokes you liked to tell, which honestly might be the reason why atsumu keeps you around.

whenever you came to their house, you would stick to lounging in atsumu’s room or the living room. you typically avoided disturbing osamu and the rest of their family — not like they minded having you around. no, in fact, their mother had a strange soft spot for you. you were quiet and well mannered, until it was just the three of you and suddenly an onslaught of fierce attacks on poor atsumu would commence.

for the majority of your friendship, you have stayed out of his way and he stays out of yours. you only talk to each other when deemed necessary, like when walking home from school or when you shyly greet him at the door because atsumu is on the toilet. he does, however, rejoice in the fact that there is another person on the atsumu hate train, and appreciates that you’re at least colourful with your insults. it’s impressive, really.

(he would never admit it. never. never ever. but it warms his heart a little that there’s someone out there just like him, expressing their love for miya atsumu in less conventional ways.)

you were quick witted and funny. a free source of entertainment when he would grow bored of his brother’s shenanigans. and it was a two way street, because when you needed a break from atsumu, osamu was always right there. 

you were noticeably gentler with the younger of the miya twins: asking him how school was, and if he needed help with his chemistry homework, and what he had for lunch. menial little things, but sometimes he found himself thinking that it was the highlight of his day.

otherwise, your presence in his life is, as osamu considers it, indifferent.

sure, he likes to look at you. and sometimes, maybe, he wishes you and atsumu would invite him around more often. it also doesn’t help his heart when you’re so nice to him, like when you’re all having dinner together and you pretend you don’t want the last dumpling on your plate and shovel it onto his. he likes that. or when you invite yourself into their freezer for ice cream, you always make sure to grab an extra one for him. there have been multiple occasions in which you’ve wordlessly slid him your notes to copy, too.

you were good at that; knowing what others wanted and being more selfless than the average person. you’re a people pleaser, and though he and atsumu used to make fun of your type when they were kids, your charm is undeniable.

unfortunately, actually making any sort of move on you is out of the question. not only would it potentially complicate things between you and him, it would also risk putting a strain on your friendship with atsumu. making his brother’s life a living hell is what miya osamu was born into this world to do, but for some reason his stomach turns at the thought of ruining your friendship.

you were just atsumu’s cute best friend. nothing less, nothing more. and he would very much like to beat the “i fell in love with my brother’s best friend” allegations, thank you.

he realizes he’s still looking at you intently with his arms crossed over his chest. he watches as your nose scrunches a little in thought, trying to decide between their two best sellers. he sighs in relief when you get up to order for yourself, tucking a stray hair under his cap before going back to sulking with his thoughts.

atsumu had a lot of bad ideas. so many that if they sat down and listed them all out they might be there for a couple days. but this? this is his worst one yet. and how osamu managed to get roped (bribed) into this, he will never know. but here he is, and here you are, and here atsumu is not.

he really should get better at saying no to atsumu.

(“c’mon, ‘samu! please? for me?!”

“what the hell? no. that’s a shitty thing to do. just tell them ya can’t go.”

“but it’s their birthday! they were lookin’ forward to this. they’ll hate me forever if i bailed!”

“and? why would i help you? ‘specially with somethin’ so stupid. it’s your fault you didn’t plan better.”

“don’t be like that, y’know it was a last minute thing!”

a beat of silence.

“pretty please? it’s their birthday… you guys are friends too, right?”

osamu can’t believe he’s entertaining this stupid idea for even a second. you’re not an idiot. you’d know it’s him with a single glance.

“this is an all time low, even for you. they’ll notice it’s me right away. are ya crazy, ‘tsumu? hit your head or somethin’?”

“it’s just this one time! i’ll never ask ya for anythin’ ever again. never ever ever ever, i swear it.”

“...’tsumu…”

“don’t sound so tired with me! do this for your big brother. have i mentioned it’s their birthday?”

big brother? osamu scoffs loudly.

“you actually mentioned it three times. and yer only a couple minutes older than me. but... fine.”

“don’t be such a jacka- wait, what?”

“i said fine. but you owe me lunch for the next two weeks.”

“deal!”

“... are ya sure they won’t know it’s me? i mean, i really think you should reconsider-”

“oh shut up, ‘samu, we’re identical!”

“just know that i won’t hesitate to throw ya under the bus if shit hits the fan.”)

what a terrible plan. pretending to be atsumu was proving to be harder than he initially anticipated. he would have thought that spending every agonizing, waking, living hour with his brother would have trained him well enough, but atsumu is so no-chill that it’s somehow making this already horrible idea even worse with every passing second.

surprisingly, you haven’t said anything. you haven’t acknowledged the massive elephant in the room. this could only mean one of three things:

1. you’ve noticed, but you’re desperately trying to spare atsumu’s feelings and osamu’s embarrassment by not bringing it up.

2. you’re dumber than he thought. dumber than a rock, actually, if you didn’t take one look at osamu and know it was him.

3. you are a cruel, wicked, evil, deranged human being who finds osamu’s situation entirely hilarious and wants this to go on for as long as possible.

judging by your casual banter, he’s willing to bet it’s either option one or two. you’re twirling a lanyard around your finger when you finally return with your drink of choice in tow. next destination: the local aquarium. atsumu put a surprising amount of effort into planning the day.

it’s a shame he hadn’t accounted for planning himself into it.

‎he shouldn’t have agreed to come here.

spending time alone with you like this was bound to stir up feelings he’d long ago buried in the hollows of his heart. of the miya twins, osamu was always better at keeping his emotions under wraps. there were rare occasions in which he lost his cool, in which he was actually somehow worse than atsumu, but in general he was as level-headed as you were.

you’re ruining him and his plans to never acknowledge his feelings for you.

it’s unfair, really, how his heart seemingly gets lodged in his throat when you cling to his arm so tightly, laughing and pointing out all the funny-looking fish. and when you point at something called a vampire squid, raving about how long it took you to find one in animal crossing, he nearly crumbles to his knees and puts his head in his hands.

(in other words, he’s totally whipped. he’s not beating those allegations.)

osamu thought he could get used to looking at anyone’s face. he always found people boring — he grew up being the other half of his brother, after all. the miya twins are many things, but boring is not one of them, and to entertain them you have to be someone with a special brand of humour.

but now, as he looks at you with the soft blue glow from the tank shining against your face, he can’t help the thought that crosses his mind:

i could never get tired of this.

“... hailing from the depths of tropical and subtropical waters, the vampire squid feeds on marine snow.”

he blinks back into reality, eyes drifting from you to the sea creature you’re admiring, then back to you. “marine snow? sounds gross.”

“it’s the debris that falls to the lower levels of the ocean. lots of deep sea creatures feed that way since it saves them the energy of needing to go hunt.”

osamu seems skeptical. “they really just eat anythin’ like that?”

your head turns to look at him. there’s a little smile playing on your face, like you seem amused by what he just said. “sounds like someone i know.”

he makes a strange expression in response. were you talking about him? did you often bring him up when you were alone with atsumu? the soft and fond look in your eyes doesn’t help his racing heart. the idea that you and atsumu talk about him in private so sweetly makes his face burn slightly in embarrassment.

he shakes his head to get the thought out of his brain before stuffing his hands into his pockets.

your arm finds his again, locking together. it’s an oddly intimate action, even if you think he really is atsumu. he doesn’t know you to be the most touchy person on earth, though he supposes he can’t see what you’re like behind the closed doors of his brother’s bedroom. his blood boils for some reason.

you stop at the next tank, the one situated in the centre of the room filled high with kelp and schools of tiny fish. you’re looking at them with wide eyes, light shimmering in them. he could cry right now. you look like an angel bathed in the shadows of dancing fish as your gaze carefully follows a school circling around the top of the aquarium.

there’s a feeling swimming inside of him, unfamiliar and oh so dreadful. he can feel it in raging in every part of him — in his heart, in the fiery pits of his stomach, in his throat — and he knows exactly which word comes to mind.

miya osamu may be in the lowest class in his year, and he might share a single brain cell with his brother, but he’s read enough books to describe this feeling. he’s listened to enough love songs to know this ache in him.

if you asked him ten years from now, he’d tell you exactly the same thing as he would right now; that your first love is always petrifying.

“pretty, aren’t they?”

“yeah. real pretty.”

but he hasn’t looked at them even once. how could he when there’s a living, breathing angel standing next to him?

‎osamu delivers you to your doorstep that night.

it feels like a dream, the whole day and having the privilege of holding your hand and feeling your body against his.

maybe it was just the greedy monster in him speaking. the laws of the universe dictate that if it’s you and osamu, atsumu needs to be there, too. the miya twins have always come in a package. a duo. there is no just atsumu or just osamu, at least there wasn’t until you came along.

suddenly it was you and atsumu. it was atsumu and osamu, and you. but there was never just you and osamu. it didn’t work that way.

well, screw the universe and its laws. osamu never believed in that astrology shit anyways.

he’s fully prepared to keep this day an untarnished memory — something to cherish when life goes back to normal and he’s unable to stand shoulder to shoulder like this with you again.

when you lean in to kiss him, there is only one thought repeating in his mind like a mantra:

it’s just once. just one day. one last perfect memory.

you’re so close that he can feel your breath filling his lungs. his heart hammers where it rests in his chest, so loud that he can hear it thundering in his ears. it’s then that he realizes this is wrong. all of it is wrong.

he recoils back with lightning speed, and his heart aches at the sight of your disappointed and puzzled expression. but it’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to atsumu either.

he cares about both of you too much to be selfish right now.

how could he possibly risk hurting two of the people he cared most about in the world? he couldn’t be that self-centred, to be able to steal a kiss from you just to keep his memories of this day perfect.

perfect doesn’t exist if none of it is real.

“i’m not… i’m not who you think i am.”

he slides the hat off his head with shame burning in his cheeks, avoiding your eyes like a child who got caught with his hand in a cookie jar. it was time for him to be honest, both with you and himself.

“look, yer really cool. and i– crap, it’s complicated, ‘kay? i might like you. like– like you, like you. i wasn’t thinkin’ straight. 'm really sorry, i know it was wrong to string you along, i was just havin’ so much fun today that–”

his mouth suddenly comes to a halt as you reach forward and capture his cheeks between your fingers, squishing them together so he’ll stop rambling.

you look at him with a confused but amused smile. “um, ‘samu? i like you, too.”

“what?” he sputters out as much as he can with his face still held in place. his brows furrow, but all rational thoughts have stopped flowing in his mind. he’s staring at you like a flabbergasted idiot, so you continue.

“why else would i agree to go on a date with you on my birthday?”

“but– i– huh?”

your head tilts. “this was a date, wasn’t it?”

it dawns on him then. it had never occurred to osamu that there was another explanation for your strange lack of acknowledgment that he is painfully easy to see through:

4. you like him and simply thought this was a date. you like him as much as he likes you, which is a stupid amount. after all, he likes you enough to go through with an infinite number of atsumu’s terrible ideas just to make you happy.

of course you weren’t that dense. of course he was found out the second you laid eyes on him. of course he had misread the entire situation because he was blinded by his brother’s boisterous claims that they were indistinguishable.

“this is ridiculous. i can’t believe you–… atsumu somehow always pulls through even when he doesn’t mean to.”

“what do you mean?”

“whadd’ya mean, what do i mean?”

“about atsumu?”

“oh, he was freakin’ out about missin’ today and wanted me to go through this whole thing pretendin' i’m him so ya wouldn’t be mad at him.”

“but he already told me he couldn’t make it today? you really didn’t have to do… all this,” you gesture to his whole body with a flick of your wrist.

at your words osamu finally crumbles to his knees in pure agony. he looks up to the sky, to whatever god has forsaken him by making atsumu his other half, and sighs with the weight of the world on his shoulders. he can just imagine the shit-eating grin his brother has right now.

“i’m…” he pauses, carefully selecting his next words, “going to smother him with a pillow.”

you blink at him for a moment before all the pieces fall into place.

all the times you’d gushed to atsumu about your massive crush on his twin and the way he’d complain to no end about neither of you making a move, forcing him to watch on with mild disgust as his best friend and brother made goo goo eyes at each other. all the times he would “forget” his shoes at the gym and need to run back to grab them, pushing you into small talk with osamu. all the times he would suffer through your teasing just to see the two of you walking side-by-side sharing proud little smiles.

atsumu’s resume looks something like this: world’s biggest idiot, volleyball player, third-wheel, and tired wingman.

you’ll have to thank him later.

“no wonder you’ve been acting so weird all day! i thought you were just one of those guys who gets nervous on first dates!” accompanied by this statement is a laugh that makes osamu weak.

he grumbles. “what’s so funny?”

“say what you want, but you’re as dumb as ‘tsumu.”

“no… please… don’t compare me to that nitwit… i might have a heart attack at this rate.”

you snicker quietly as you help osamu back onto his feet, eyes shimmering with joy as you let his confession sink in.

“you’re right, he is an idiot.”

“dumbass.”

“moron.”

“he’s gonna hate us even more from now on,” osamu smiles uncontrollably, inching closer to you again.

“yeah?” your lips brush against his daringly, “i can live with that.”

EXTRA:

© ALABOADOA 2023 — please do not translate or post my works to other platforms.

🏷️ @hyomagiri (im dead like actually dead)

[dapper-lil-arts]

So, what are your favorite MLP ships? I don't know if you've already been asked this before, but meh

less about being asked, more about me posting them nonstop lmao;

#1 Sunlight - (Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle) Number one and two are interchangable due to my mood, because theyre both incredible, and easily fit on a "favorite ships of all time" list i could make for myself. Sunset and Twilight shipping is to me in general all about potential. And if im talking endgame, the show would have ended so, so much better, if there were two lesbians inheriting the night and day. These two are it, with flying colors. Going from rivals to friends to close friends to lovers that would do anything for eachother, to ruling the world in a golden age together, my goodness, this ship is like the chef's choice at a menu. I also may have written a large fanfic of how i would write an entire season of the show with Sunset on it, heheheheheh. Also worth stating, i concider Sunset x Scitwi To be on the same level, if not being the same ship, even if Scitwi is a diffrent character, if someone loves Twilight Sparkle, they would love her in all her versions. #2 Rarijack - (Rarity and Applejack) Did i say sunlight is the chef's choice at a menu? Rarijack is the whole fucking menu. What more can be said about the legend of how the most beautiful Unicorn and the strongest Earth Pony fell in love? The City girl x Country girl vibes are incredibly strong, the opposites attract is at it's PEAK, and both of these girls can easily concider themselves the luckiest women in the world for having the other. It was the first couple i shipped on the show when i watched passively, 'cause i instantly noticed their potential, and c'mon how couldn't anybody. They're the hydrogen bomb of mlp ships, and they could easily sustain an entire season on their back if it was about their love story, which is, painfully, not canon, like any of these ships. Also i'm literaly writing a fic that takes Shrek 1 and makes it about Rarijack and it's as dumbly amazing as it sounds #3 Startrix - (Starlight Glimmer and Trixie Lulamoon) Honestly this one is easy to ship because it's just endlessly funny. The biggest fail girl that almost destroyed the world falls for the only girl thats a bigger loser than her, and that is endlessly entertaining; specialy because compared to trixie, Starlight is the baddest bitch lmao, and they would hype eachother so much. (insert that post of loser ass gf being hyped up by other cool gf) And there's just an appeal to two unhinged women finding eachother and making eachother... better? worse? I think theyre both at their best when traveling together. #4 Flutterdash - (Fluttershy and Rainbow dash) Fun fact, i didn't ship this until i wrote "the return of midnight sparkle" i just had to write scenes with certain themes, and i realised it would be helpful to further the themes and plot and character development of the protagonist if Rainbow and Fluttershy were macking on eachother. And it grew on me! Daredevil girl and shy girl lift eachother up and improve eachother. Honorable mention: That one ship with with Cadance, Shining armor, and Chrysalis; because it is honestly funny as fuck; no matter how you spin it, be it cadance and chrysalis mack on eachother and shining tolerates it, or the Princess and the Queen have a silent rivalry as they try to be with their himbo, or even if the three of them gross together. it's always funny. (queue chrysalis with the "im not the stepdad im the dad that stepped up" shirt while playing with flurryheart)

[zarvasace]

It’s “appreciate yourself” hours! Pick five pieces of writing/art that you’ve done that you love and talk about them! ❤️❤️❤️

Ahhhh okay, thank you!! 💜🌻 I finally have a free moment (aka work is slow) so I'm going to work on drafting this out :) I have far too much art I'm proud of—I'm at a stage in my progress right now where I think my art looks pretty awesome. So this list will be stuff from my Greatest Hits collection on AO3. In order of oldest to newest, I think:

incandescently happy

An LU post-adventure work, one of the first longer fics I posted. I released one chapter a day over the summer of 2022, so a lot of the notes have something about my day in them. It's about 30k all told.

I absolutely adored expanding on what the boys might do after the whole LU adventure happens (though I did forget about the fact that I think Time and Malon have a kid during this time!) This work features some proto-Shatterproof stuff, like Wind having a prosthetic leg and Four starting to specialize in crafting prosthetics/disability aids. I gave Hyrule longer hair and a job making maps for the royal family. Legend got another adventure but also started a magic garden/orchard, which pulls in more business than Ravio's stuff. Four and his grandpa adopted a single mother and her two kids. Man I went off with some of these headcanons. I've always considered writing more in this world, but I think it stands very well on its own. Maybe someday I might revisit and rewrite it with some of my new skills. :)

Rise and Shine and Fall

Whumptober 2022, focused entirely on LU! Guys this thing is almost 78k. I realize now that most people pre-plan or pre-write for things like Whumptober, but I wrote these one by one every day, which was extra-hard because I had both college classes and a day job at the time. I came up with some fun AUs, learned a lot about writing (especially whump), and proved to myself that I can do hard things like this!! I've adored doing daily challenges since, though I haven't done it in a while. I look forward to this year's whumptober though!

I really like the table of contents in the first chapter—it makes things easy to find. I know individual works are probably more accessible, but I was still getting to know AO3, and those big numbers are fun. XD I have a hard time picking favorites, because I really went off on these, but I'd say a couple of them are:

Chp 3, "Right Here" about Sky

Chp 7, "Proof of Life" about Four and Shadow

Chp 18, "I'm onwy a babey :(" about Wind

Chp 21, "6:13" about Hyrule and Time

Chp 26, "Silence is Golden" about Wild

Chp 31-32, "The Worst Thing About Earth" about Legend, but kind of more specifically the rewrite/expansion I did last year... haha...

The Marvelous Misadventures of Wind and His Merry Band or Maybe-Human Heroes

It's been a while since I updated this story (56k, 6/8 chapters), but it's constantly on my mind. I've started chapter 7 twice, and I know what I want to happen, but I am easily distracted by the siren call of some other whump fics. XD

I freaking love this story, though. I really want to finish it. It's kind of an... experiment? I guess? I want to get published someday, and I picture myself writing middle-grade novels. This story is sort of my attempt to hit that tone. Also I just love Wind so so so much. Let him be cool!!

Blood-Sucker's Guide to High School

56k Four Swords completed story! I wrote this in a frenzy of like two or three weeks, then took another two to edit. It takes plot points from a vampire novel I enjoyed and twists and applies them to a story about Shadow and the Four Swords manga boys. I'm very proud of what I accomplished here, and that it's a complete story! I think it worked out really well. I learned a lot about plotting and handling larger stories, and it helped that I had the half-remembered structure of an existing novel to use as training wheels.

I love the worldbuilding in this story! The premise is that Shadow is an evil soulless vampire from a (rather abusive, not that he sees it) family of the same, but then he gets the ability to walk in the sunshine. He's assigned to go to high school for a while to get a feast for the vampire gala, but meanwhile he's developing a conscience and getting very attached to these human boys. I think I did a good job. I love rereading this, every scene is just so fun! :)

Counterbalance

55k exactly of a stupid LU darks AU. This started life as a series of oneshots and then the plot progressively got more and more convoluted and I love these stupid boys so much. The plot is very much not tight, in contrast to Blood-Sucker's Guide, but I learned a lot about how I write and how I like to plan with this one, too.

The characters are stupid and the plot is just kinda silly and there is both a bathhouse scene AND a spa scene. Legend blows up multiple things, my lovely nasty little Dark Links need smacks and therapy, and Prince has a legitimately emotional moment at the end. I love how it turned out, it's like an ugly little stuffed animal I made and hug until the eyes pop out.

That's five but I would be extremely remiss if I did not also mention something from Shatterproof:

The Incredible Shrinking Chain

About 10k, this is entry 31/68 in my series Shatterproof, which is a close-canon AU in which each of the boys has a different physical disability. This series also plays into my publishing ambitions, because whatever I publish will very likely have some disability representation. I'm rather passionate about it, actually! Shatterproof is close to my heart, and I'm so honored that so many people seem to love it too. :) I need to work on the next entry again!!

This entry in particular is so much fun. In it, the whole Chain sans Four is stuck mouse-sized, and Four has to travel out to Twilight's castle with them to get Dusk to help break the curse. They all have to figure out how to navigate while tiny, and Four pulls some very silly stunts. I love them.

Anyway, there's my list!! I've written a lot over the last like two and a half years, and I'm so so glad that I get to be here and part of this community. The LU fandom as a whole (or at least the parts I've seen!) is so welcoming and positive and I try to give back where I can! I'm going to suggest looking through my bookmarks and ultimate rec list collection to find some new favorites from some very talented authors! :) (oof I need to update the collection soon!! I've been seeing some awesome stuff!)

[brain-amoeba]

Hi!!! I love your writings I'm addicted!!!!! Could I maybe request a sniper fic in which the "oh no only one bed" trope encounter (perhaps just in his van) but the reader was already wearing something revealing and it's driving him kind of nuts. He like gets more and more frustrated and eventually just kind of makes a brutally honest move in initiating an intimate moment (if yk what I mean)?? I know it's weirdly specific and idm if you skip this one!!! Also Sniper and the reader were not in a relationship before this encounter. Ty!!!!

I had so much fun writing this one tbh hopefully I was able to faithfully capture what you had envisioned!!!!-- i admit i wrote sniper a wee bit out of character towards the end but that was mostly a plot driven choice for the frustration bit :3 enjoy!!!!

Stake Out (Sniper x fem!Reader)

Sniper didn't understand why he couldn't just be alone. He's never needed another person to watch his back while on a stake-out, and he damn sure doesn't need one now. Admittedly, he's quite frustrated. With you? Not exactly. With the situation? Damn straight. The dead of summer heat left you scantily clad, much to Sniper's detriment. How could he bear to get anything done when you're sitting right here next to him like this, as if on display? You weren't exactly a happy camper, either. You knew Sniper didn't need any help, so you were already prepared to deal with a sour attitude-- but the unbearable heat and the fact that you have no choice but to spend a night together in his one-man van--left you equally as frustrated as the Aussie.

As the afternoon dragged on, you let out an exasperated sigh and turned to your superior. "Is it okay if I take a nap?" You ask meekly, afraid of distracting him as he peered through his scope wordlessly. Sniper pauses a moment, then sets his rifle down. "A nap? Wasn't your whole reason for bein' 'ere to watch my back?" The look on his face sent a shiver down your spine. It was just an innocent question, really! You figured since it was an unspoken fact that the both of you knew you didn't really need to be here, it would be okay if you, well, slacked a bit. You cock your head to the side before testing the waters again. "...yes?" He stared at you with an expression you were unable to read. Was he mad? Was he just pulling your leg? Sniper pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, looking back up at you sternly. "Sure." It was hard to deny that his pent up frustration, among his general discontent with today's circumstances, left him irritable. From the bloody start he just wished he could be alone. None of this would have happened! Now how is he supposed to concentrate with the temptation of your vulnerable, unconscious body left splayed out before him mere feet away?! He shooed you along, allowing you to sleep in the camper while he did a little exercise in self control and maintained watch on enemy territory.

Upon entering, you thought nothing more of your surroundings and crashed on the bed with a soft thud. It was almost too easy to fall asleep, until you shot straight up and felt panic set in. Oh god. This is the only bed in this whole camper. The only viable surface to lay on, period. You were suddenly plagued with the image of a scowling Sniper, and the discomforting silence that hung around the two of you all day. How on earth are we supposed to sleep in this bed together?! The thought of cuddling with your superior after you were sure you just ruined his whole day made you tremble with anxiety. You thought it best to set your worries aside for now to get some rest. Perhaps if you slept now, that meant you could stay up on watch through the night while Mundy got his rest--avoiding the bed predicament entirely. As you pondered on what exactly you'd like to say and played out the interaction in your head, you lulled yourself to sleep with your own thoughts. The heat left you laid out on top of the covers with your sweat-soaked garments hugging your body like a constrictor. Right as you fell asleep, Sniper, with his brief solitude, was able to clear his head and abate his frustration for the time being.

With no new action on the frontier, he decided to take a small break to check on you, making sure you at least were comfortable back there. Sniper knew it wasn't exactly a home, and felt a slight twinge of guilt having such a beautiful girl like you surrounded in his clutter. The Aussie gently knocked before entering still, and was greeted by the sight of you, out cold in a starfish position. He stumbled back, instinctively snatching off his hat and using it to cover his eyes. Guess she made herself comfortable. He thought to himself, hiding his flushed expression behind the slouch hat. Sniper set the hat back on his head, clearing his throat to try and escape the awkward silence between himself and your unconscious form below him. Mundy knew he had no business back here anymore--all he was to do was assure you found yourself alright back there, then he would return to his post. Yet, he found he couldn't bring himself to move. His eyes were glued to your body, as if its beauty had taken hold of him. You could still feel an overbearing presence, even in your unconscious state, which caused you to stir. Sniper inched closer to you, against his better judgment. The pent up frustration from spending a whole afternoon next to you, wearing the least amount of clothing you could get away with...it drove him absolutely mad. Even more so, knowing there was nothing he could do about it--he couldn't make a move, he was a professional after all! ...And professionals have standards. Before finally returning to his post, he hastily covered your limp form with a used towel discarded nearby. Out of sight, out of mind.

The afternoon waned into evening, and not long thereafter plunged the frontier into night. Still no new sights to behold, Sniper quickly wrapped up the stake-out. After notating the last of his findings, he started the van with an exasperated sigh. 'Bout damn time this bloody day's over. I can finally relax. He thought to himself. As he maneuvered the van to a more discrete location, Sniper's thoughts were suddenly interrupted with the damning realization of the sleeping situation. Meanwhile, the engine sounds and sudden sensation of movement woke you from your slumber. You rubbed your eyes as you took a moment to regain awareness, still stuck in the drunken stupor of your slumber. You looked down at the towel serving as your blanket, and couldn't help but notice the familiar musky scent of your superior overwhelming your senses. A light blush dusted your cheeks as you realized this meant Sniper had come in and covered you up. You sat up now, and peered through the blinds of a nearby window. You found yourself lost in admiration of the purplish tranquility of the sleeping desert before you. So much so, that you hadn't noticed the van had stopped, nor the sound of Sniper joining you in the camper.

Upon turning away from the window you shrieked in surprise. "When did you get there?!" You asked, startled from the sudden company of your superior. "Well, if you'd get your head out of the sand you'd've noticed I came in about," He starts, checking his watch for dramatic effect, "5 minutes ago." You rolled your eyes at his attitude while scooting away from the window and pulling the towel back over yourself. "I just don't understand how a dry death-scape can become subzero in just a matter of hours." You remarked, now shuddering from the cold. "Uhh, yeah...about that," Sniper trailed off, his edge now softened by embarrassment. "How d'ya wanna do this? I shouldn't have to state the obvious..." He deliberately avoided eye contact with you as he spoke. Now it was your turn to serve that Aussie attitude right back at him. "What's wrong? The world's greatest sniper is scared of a wittle bed?" His gaze snapped to you, slightly taken aback by your sass. "Whatd'ya just say to me?" Sniper pressed on. His brows were furrowed in growing anticipation and he almost wished you'd keep up your act. Thankfully, you delivered. "You heard me! It's just a bed. Or is it not the bed...is it me? You don't wanna share a bed with me??"

Admittedly, you had no idea where you pulled the confidence from to speak to your superior like this. Perhaps it was just frustration from a day wasted, or dwindling tolerance for his own sour attitude. Whatever it was, you knew you were already so deep in a hole you figured you might as well make it deeper. Sniper moved closer in response to your questioning. "You think I'm scared of a little bed? Or a little girl, no less?!" The gap between the two of you was nonexistent. "No, I'm not scared at all, roo. I figured'ya wanna sleep alone. But I guess I was wrong, yea? You really wanna share a bed?" He threw your sass right back at you and now you were in a corner. Literally-- he towered over you, causing you to scoot back until you met the foot of the bed in question. Sniper pursued, leaving you caged between himself and the bed. "Sure, roo, we can share the bed. Why, let's just go ahead and get right in." He suddenly scooped you into his surprisingly robust arms and sat down on the bed with you still in his embrace.

He held you almost too tight, and you instinctively straddled him. While sitting in his lap, you felt his erection poke the soft flesh between your thighs. Your flushed faces were mere inches apart, and before you could open your mouth to speak, Sniper grabbed the back of your head and pulled you into a fervent, aggressive kiss. It didn't take you long to reciprocate, letting your hands wander along his jawline and neck innocently as he pushed further, now breaching the territory of your mouth with his tongue. The throbbing wetness between your legs begged for reprieve, and you shyly rocked your hips against Sniper's to get the friction you so desperately needed. He broke the kiss, a glinting trail of saliva still connecting the two of you in a depraved, arousing kind of way. Large gloved hands trailed down your sides, one of them finding itself between your legs. Sniper teasingly ghosted his fingers just above, below, and around exactly where you wanted them to be which caused your legs to tremble in anticipation and now-bubbling over arousal. Suddenly, he removed his hand entirely, looking back at you with an impish smirk.

"Scared enough for ya, roo?"

[alienaiver]

Behind the scenes

the lovely @dira333 tagged me in this and its sooo fun!! the questions are so amazing and id like to give it my best with some in depth answers, since learning these facts about one of my favorite writers here was so fun !!!!! behind the scenes of writing is so good to share!!

Started writing: i think ive always been writing. i remember when we used to have one computer for the entire family in the early 00's and had little screentime, i set alarms to 4-5am (with no concept of what that Would Do To Me emotionally without sleep LMAO) JUST to get some time to write in peace. my first fanfictions i published was on a homemade forum page with a friend when i was 11!

Started blogging: ive had my tumblr since 2009-ish where ive been a rp'er over multiple times and published d gray man and no. 6 fanfictions in 2011-12ish. i was also active on livejournal before i found fanfiction.net !! but this specific blog was made in may 2021!!! the reader inserts came then :3

Followers: i actually JUST hit 300 two days ago!!! which is very exciting. i dont always look at the number, since it doesnt necessarily correlate with engangement, but its fun to see the uptick!!

Communication: i genuinely love love LOVE the social part of social media, and communications so important to me. theres nothing better than reblogs with comments you can bounce off of, asks, dm's and all that! sadly, my disability makes it so hard for me to have continuous contact and im 90% of the time the one to drop the ball when it comes to replying :(( thats why its extra important to me/special with the mutuals who keeps reaching out and dont have the same social expectations about replying. even if im unable to reply the day that i receive the message, it still brings great joy seeing the notif!

Likes: i dont mind them! generally its not that important to me whether or not my followers interact a lot. a like still means the world to me. of course a reblog is much better and engages so much more (+ boosts me!!), but theyre good for my soul, too!

Requests: i get very few requests :( i think i like them, but i havent gotten enough to actually get a feel on whether or not it kills my writing spirit? generally i get very excited to be able to deliver something and it gets me up from the bed to write, but i sometimes fear im not providing what they wanted! its anxiety-inducing in some ways, but i love a good little writing challenge !!

Writing: i loove love love love writing for hours at a time, hyperfixating on it. sadly, my cat snøfle is Very Jealous of both my laptop and pc. giving him a substitution sadly doesnt help</3 so my writing is often limited to specific times of day, and when he gets tired of my keyboard clack-clack-clacking, its time to put on some one piece while he naps on me! i wish i could write more works or just scenes on my phone, but it hurts my hands So Much, so i only write small one shots when im heavily inspired but snøfles in A Mood!!

genre wise im a fluffy type. maybe some hurt/comfort but always leaning towards comfort. id like to write more disability fics to spread both awareness and visibility, but i sometimes struggle with putting in my own disabilities and not make them too personal or too detailed for others to not relate. its an overthinking problem, so i often procrastinate writing them., bcos i fear itll be too niche! but i always get positive feedback (excpet for that one time with inked coffee lmao) so im not sure whats holding me back!!!

i always listen to music when i write, and it differs a lot. when i wrote the star and the earth i listened to a lot of medieval-inspired music, and made a specific playlist for that. but when i write on my modern au's or canon compliant bnha/haikyuu, anything goes!

i love putting in 'boring' every day stuff into my fics, or small scenes that dont necessarily advance the plot but just gives a feel of the characters.

speaking of snøfle ^ i am no longer allowed to write for the evening.... so ill start some apothecary diaries and enjoy a cold soda on this hot and humid evening !!! mwuah mwuah if u read this far thank you, and i love you. i love all of you <3333

no pressure tags as always but would love to hear the answers and get to know u all! @cup-of-fluff @true-deru @mirandabarma @illuminiscentboba @tetsuskei @threadbaresweater @krystalgaia @petriquors @ktsumu @moonbeamwritings @ohtokki

[davidtennantgenderenvy]

eternal youth is overrated - a good omens one shot

Summary: Heartbreak and loneliness have left Crowley marked in more ways than one. Aziraphale helps him see that this isn’t such a bad thing.

NOTES: I’ve always had a bit of a bittersweet fascination with aging (David Tennant’s crows’ feet make me emo in ways I cannot hope to describe), with the sadness but also the beauty inherent in it, and I thought it could be interesting to bring this idea to good omens. The concept was “what if Crowley started getting grey hairs after Aziraphale leaves, if, over time, his physical appearance subconsciously changed to reflect his mental state?” The fact that I wrote this as a 19 year old honestly just shows how much I need therapy, but it was honestly incredibly cathartic to work through some of my own mental struggles via Crowley in this fic. Aziraphale’s pov was equally fun to write, as I basically just got to write how he feels about Crowley based on what I feel about David (lol). Hope you enjoy my first Good Omens one shot- I may or may not make an A03 account if it gets enough engagement, I’m honestly pretty proud of it! Special thanks to my wonderful partner in crime @flyingfluse for providing some much needed inspiration!

PS: The title is actually from a song I wrote called Grow Old With Me (hopefully will be available someday fingers crossed)

——————

It had been a year.

Nothing to a demon, really. In the vast expanse of six thousand years on earth, not to mention the innumerable eons Before The Beginning, a year didn’t count for much more than a blip. But heartbreak is a funny thing. Time, for Crowley, now seemed to pass in a much more human fashion- the year that had elapsed since Aziraphale’s return to heaven, a year devoid of anything resembling laughter or joy, a year spent largely either sleeping or stewing in self-loathing, had seemed longer than the past hundred combined.

Crowley’s gaze blearily wandered to the rearview mirror of the Bentley. His reflection, as everything seemed to these days, mocked him.

Those sickly yellow eyes, reminding him of all he was and all that he could never be, like the sulfur he had been cast into all those millenia ago. On his worst days, it was like he could still feel it, eating away at him from the inside out, decaying his soul and with it, his body. It carved shadows into his cheeks and circles beneath his eyes, deep and dark as caverns. It rose in his throat until he choked on it, leaving his voice hoarse and acrid. It spewed out of him onto everything and everyone, every time he opened his mouth, an acidic bile of rage and bitterness.

He had been destroyed and rebuilt over and over through the millenia, and the product was a rough, hardened callus of a being, like a patch of skin that had been picked at too many times. He felt grotesque, untouchable, damaged- there would be no point to pursuing any new connections when no one would understand, nor why would they want to, when he seemed to turn everything he held to ashes? 

A ray of sunlight leaked through the window of the Bentley, catching upon Crowley’s hair, revealing it to be littered with strands of grey, collecting dust-like in his copper mane. How the mighty have fallen, he thought bitterly. Falling, always falling, like leaves in autumn, their color draining as their forms grow brittle and they become one with the earth. From dust they were made, and to dust, they shall return.

Perhaps in a year, he would be dust too. What would he care?

Demons didn’t naturally age, or so he had thought. But loneliness seemed to have made a mortal out of Crowley, centuries of it crashing down upon his corporation, wearing it to the bones, etching his torment into his skin. He could always just miracle any part of himself back to the way it was, reverse all this damned erosion… but what would it matter? Why even try to keep his hair from losing its color when all the color had drained from his life the second his angel had left it?

He felt so, so old.

A single, desperate sob escaped Crowley’s mouth, cracking out of him like splintering firewood.

As he weeped against the steering wheel, the Bentley switched on its radio in sympathy. 

I’ve walked too long in this lonely lane,

I’ve had enough of this same old game.

I’m a man of the world, they say that I’m strong,

But my heart is heavy and my hope is gone.

-----------------

    The demon lay curled in Aziraphale’s lap, clinging to his chest as a snake might in search of warmth. It clutched at Aziraphale’s soul to see Crowley this vulnerable, the swaggering and smirking stripped away to reveal a heart in desperate need of care and healing- a task Aziraphale considered his greatest duty and greatest pleasure, for he knew Crowley would do the same for him. 

    Aziraphale ran his fingers through Crowley’s hair, earning a deep sigh from his beloved, whose brows turned up in fragile, stirring comfort. He loved doing this, both to see how much his touch moved Crowley and because he simply loved his hair itself. Bold, striking, an instant head-turner, just like everything else about him. It was now the longest it had been since biblical times, falling in elegant waves past his shoulders. But oh, something else was different… it was streaked now with rivers of silver, gathering in deltas at his temples. It lit a familiar flame in Aziraphale’s chest; that bittersweet blend of desire and sympathy.

    “You’ve changed your hair, I see”, he said softly. 

     Crowley takes a labored swallow, strain and self consciousness seeping into his face. Whatever he says next, it’s clear that the admission is going to cost him.

     “When you left, I suppose I… let myself wither away.” His voice is lodged deep in his throat, thick and murky, leaking out of him like tar, a sound from the depths of his own personal hell. “Oh, Aziraphale…” he exhales, and it’s one of the most poignant Aziraphale has ever heard.  “I’m so tired. So worn down. So bloody ancient.”

      “So am I, my dear,” he says, trying to come across more soothing than concerned.

     “Yes, but you still shine in the same way you did all those millenia ago… still so bright, so soft.  I’m all tarnished and rusted up… I don’t know how you still want to touch me.”

     Aziraphale gazed down into Crowley’s eyes, piercing and pleading and fragile, like shattered stained glass. At his craggy, rough-hewn cheeks, all bones and edges he’d happily cut himself on to caress. At the deep, deep lines around his eyes, carved there by every grin and grimace and longing and ache. And oh, the silver in his hair… it suited him so, both rejecting and combining black and white with a color all his own. It wasn’t normal for immortal bodies, ethereal or occult, to bear the marks of time and experience as Crowley’s has. But then, Crowley was never an ordinary demon, or angel, was he? No, he was something far more exquisite. 

    “Oh, but I do… I  do…” Affection surges through Aziraphale as he kisses every crease and wrinkle, every scar and every glorious grey, every sign that his dear Crowley has lived. He feels Crowley’s hands winding through his hair in response and kisses those too, those eloquent, spindly fingers and calloused palms…

   “Crowley, my most cherished books… the covers are peeling, the pages are torn or yellowed with age… so why would you be any different?” His heart seizes up, his voice breaking a bit. “I have seen the fire and rain rage within you for so long, and I have seen the marks they have left upon you, and each one is precious to me. You know how I love to read… Why would I not want to see the story of my beloved written upon their face? My 

dear old serpent, my survivor…you don’t have to fight anymore…”

     He pulls Crowley tightly to his chest, drawing the tension from his shoulders and back before cupping the sides of his face as Crowley stares back, looking overwhelmed and old and so, so beautiful. “I want you exactly as you are. Rough and hard and frayed at the edges… you will never be too much of any of these things for me. In fact…” A slightly wicked twinkle forms in his eye as he smiles pointedly at Crowley: “They make you more tempting to me than ever.”

    Crowley processes this for a moment. “Well…” he croaks out, that hint of playful snark finding its way back into his throaty timbre, “I suppose there is something to be said for… shades of grey.” Aziraphale laughs, remembering the words he himself said to Crowley all those years ago, on the same night he realized just how much he adored him.

   Crowley smiles, that crooked, twisted, perfectly imperfect smile that Aziraphale missed, his eyes crinkling magnificently at the corners. “Kiss me,” he whispers, and Aziraphale is happy to oblige. Happy that Crowley, bold, fierce, independent Crowley, could finally let his guard down, could finally embrace that all of his scars and imperfections, every mark of time upon his face, everything he ever thought made him damaged and ugly only made him more beautiful in his sight.

[tanoraqui]

hey!! i love your blog so much your takes are *chefs kiss*

i saw an Amazing post a few months ago where someone laid out a really cool plan for a silmarillion tv show and i cant find it again. it haunts my every waking moment. i think i saw it on your blog so i figured id ask if you knew it.

Either way, have a great day!

(note: I got this ask several thousand years ago, and am answering it now because I asked my roommates if I should write something serious tonight, or something ridiculous, or read a book; and they said ridiculous.) (note 2: I wrote the above several days ago. I'm posting at 6.5k words) (note 3: I'm going to pretend this is a deliberately timed gift to @thelordofgifs for their latest fic updates, which were bullet points of heartfelt and sober compelling canon divergence. this...is bullet points of [heartfelt? compelling?] lunacy. I hope you might enjoy it.)

Are you thinking of this, the "Supernatural but make it Silmarillion lore, and also women" show of my dreams? (Me, approaching the Tolkien estate with an offer for the rights to the Silmarillion: I swear, I will ONLY show the First Age in limited flashbacks. Everything else will be the characters as they are at least 10,000 years later, maybe even with an active framing device to identify them as modern interpretations of the characters...")

Oh huh, I forgot I thought a bunch more about that "teeechnically-not-AU" and never added it to that post. Regardless of whether it's the show you were thinking of, dear Anon:

one of the protagonists is definitely the reincarnation of Fëanor. Her name is Seraphina, which translates to something like "fiery divine being", bc her mom had a good sense of these things. They don't know this at first

her slightly older twin sister is Martha, named after their grandmother but it does mean the feminine of "master", because I spent at least an hour trying to translate any name Turin ever had into something reasonably modern and this is the best I could do (they also don't know about this reincarnation at first, ofc)

their father was killed by some sort of monster when they were babies so their mother took up monster-hunting ranging, etc. etc.

(the underground community of modern monster-hunters are called Rangers, in reference to the roaming heroes of old)

Seraphina, the Wild One(TM), ran away to go to college, where she double-majored in astrophysics and mechanical engineering and double-minored in linguistics and metallurgical engineering, and wrote an art history thesis. Martha, the Dutiful One(TM), stayed with their mother and kept ranging. They reunite when Martha shows up on Phina's doorstep because "Mom went on a hunting trip and hasn't been home in a few days", etc. etc.

the Bobby-style substitute parent should really, to (kind of) round this out, be a dwarf or hobbit. The full "Team Free Will" should represent all peoples of Arda... But I'm not making up OCs right now (yet)

a unifying legend of the Ranger community is that their unofficial network has been supported and guided for millennia by their cousins, the peredhel, Elrohir and Elladan, who quite simply never Chose and have been wandering the earth, saving people and hunting things, ever since their sister died. They don't NEED to Choose until they die, technically!

This is, in fact, true - or, it was. Until about 25 years ago, when [flips a coin] Elrohir married our heroes' mother, settled down into peaceful domesticity, and a few years later died dramatically to buy [throws a dart at a wheel of names] Laura and their children time to escape the whatever.

Laura knew about his profession and that he was older than he looked, but not his whole deal. She found that out later while vengefully hunting monsters...and never told her daughters.

The plot of Season 1 involves unravelling this mystery, including at some point meeting their elusive uncle Elladan (who has maybe gone a little mad with the sudden death of his twin? That'd be a fun season antagonist/arc/theme...dealing with grief...very topical!)

By the end of s1, all of the above have probably had a nice closure-giving(-ish) confrontation/conversation with Elrohir's ghost - who's been waiting in Mandos for his wife and/or brother despite Mandos's INCREASINGLY strident blandishments to stop acting like a cat in a doorway and choose - and Laura and Elladan are both dead in suitably dramatic circumstances.

...or, Elladan is. Apparently John Winchester didn't die until s2e1! So, what happens is:

- (earlier in the s1 finale episode, Laura, noticed something once or twice which her daughters didn't - saw a curl of smoke, seemed to be examining a McGuffin extra closely...)

- Laura has been mildly injured, and someone needs to guard a McGuffin or maybe a random innocent civilian caught up in this, so she stays behind while Phina and Martha go off to deal with whatever the actual big bad of the season is. Maybe a cult trying to sacrifice half-elves for some reason? Directed, though not personally managed, by whatever killed Elrohir in the first place, which is...I gotta figure an OC balrog? Like, not one of the big ones from canon. We'll just call her (Laura's) Bane henceforth.

- not long later, while Phina and Martha are fistbumping in the remains of the cult's hideout Seraphina maybe have used chemical explosives), or maybe discretely looting Elladan's body for useful weapons laying their uncle to rest, the scene cuts back to Laura

- she's pacing, patrolling. Ready for a fight. She senses something and goes even tenser, drawing her ancient sword. It glows softly blue - but this is no orc. Heavy footsteps, flickering shadows and firelight, maybe the sound of wings. We do not see the enemy, just a middle-aged woman in improvised combat gear with a pistol in one hand and a Gondolin-made sword in the other, and a look of iron determination and defiance. She pulls off the bandage on her arm, revealing that she'd faked her injury so the girls would leave her behind.

- "I knew it was you," she greets her old enemy, unflinching, as a faint reprise rings unnoticed in the Great Music. She moves to attack, met by a whip-crack and a flash of fire, and cut to black.

Season 2 starts where s1 ended, for Martha and Seraphina. They're almost back at their car (the beloved 1967 Chevy Shadowfax). Note: few times in s1, Phina has had strange visions or nightmares, never anything prophetic but once a good clue to defeating the MotW...

She reels with the force and horror of this one. Darkness, utter and choking, pierced eventually by a single desperate torch. A dark and empty hall where there should be life and light. Flickering firelight reveals blood on the floor...

She gasps, "Mom," and demands that Martha drive, drive, fucking drive faster already -

They're too late, of course. Laura is long-since dead.

...so, back to Monster of the Week, with additional focus on tracking down the Bane!

Seraphina's strange dreams and visions get more frequent, more memorable. Sometimes they're peaceful, full of beautiful Light. More often they're dark, or at least, dim - climbing strange, starlit mountains (finding a cousin of aconite which turns out to also be useful for defeating werewolves). Choking grief as her hand brushes the air just above a vibrant tapestry, too afraid to ruin it with touch. Fire in her throat as she shouts world-shaking words in a language she doesn't remember (she repeats them a moment later, fending off a corrupted wind-spirit, and it flinches even before Phina feels a burst of vicious, raging, burning strength.)

Seraphina is curious as hell and keeps pushing herself to learn more, see more. Do more. It's not just visions, eventually - she starts to read minds, here and there. She's always been a fidgeter, happiest with some petty creative task of wire and beads or yarn in her hands, but now she can swear that sometimes her craft supplies sing at times, directly surpassing her ears, and she can make things with quality, with power. A new-knitted scarf is sturdy as a gorget. Glass beads glow. The more Phina does, the more she's frustrated rather than satisfied - she knows she's missing something, and she HATES being ignorant. Being wrong.

Martha, always the responsible one, especially feeling the need to be so now that their mom has died, wishes she would stop. Wishes she wouldn't put herself, put both of them, in danger like this. Martha is literally game to fight an orc with her fists one on one, any day of the week; she's no stranger to a quick temper and impulsive action. But she grew up! Why can't her sister!

(Martha: [venting the above to a stranger in a bar or something. Meanwhile, Seraphina has found an medieval Songbook and is trying to, like, apply principals of Elvencraft to chemical engineering. more arguing ensues.])

Toward the end of the season, there's, idk, several murders at the site of a geothermal drilling experiment in the North Sea, and oh shit, Bane is trying to get something that came out of that drill shaft! Violent interrogation of some evil minions reveals that it's no less precious thing than a Silmaril! Our heroes read about those recently in some ancient tome! (Phina got a headache so bad, and a sense of being aflame, that she passed out.)

In the third-to-last episode of the season, they hunt the Silmaril to the unlucky random research facility to which it's been taken. Mundane authorities and/or scientists are already coveting it as a potential energy source, adding extra mooks...who mostly just die when Laura's Bane arrives. But our girls get to it just slightly faster. The jewel is in a jead-lined box. Phina has been increasingly consumed by single-minded focus on getting this thing; even as the Ban storms in all fire and darkness, she's furiously picking the lock. She flings back the lid; we see a shining gold-white jewel - and the Light consumes the screen.

The second-to-last episode starts with pure Light - then it fades to simple Mingling, as the Noldor hold a funeral for Miriel. They had rites for the fallen in their starlit home of old, when they knew no return. They are having a modified version now, knowing that in her weariness she will, at least, take a very long time; in the hope that it will help those who loved her move through their grief.

- young Fëanor (age 5ish), tears running down his cheeks, whispers to his father that he is sorry, so sorry he killed her. Finwë denies it fiercely, lovingly, and holds him tight. Indis approaches, seeking to offer comfort; Finwë sees her over Fëanor's head and, gratefully, shakes his head. She retreats.

- but in the next memory, it is Fëanor (age 10ish) who watches Finwë and Indis, as they move joyously in unison around their wedding dance floor. Someone says something to him, he responds bitterly.

- (I'm not sure exactly what narrative of Fëanor's life I want to construct here, but assume subsequent memories/short scenes include: dislike of half-siblings (ft. fear of loss/abandonment masked as superiority complex), finding genuine joy and contentment in craft, exploration, and Nerdanel & their children; Melkor & rising tensions with Fingolfin, the Silmarils, the sword Incident, banishment (ft. savage dislike of Valar), Finwë's death (the same memory that struck when Laura died!), the Oath, Alqualondë, the theft and burning of the ships...and Amrod...and shortly thereafter, Fëanor himself, in a rush that only wasn't suicide because he really thought he could bust in and kill a Vala right up until he realized he absolutely could not do that.)

- (very fast final montage of key events post death, only snapshots, maybe styled as tapestry seen from Vairë's Halls? Fingolfin, crowned, raising Maedhros from a bow and embracing him; the glorious hosts and castles of the Noldor, Dagor Bragollach, Fingolfin's death, Doriath & Celegorm, Caranthir, Curufin's deaths, Sirion & Amras's death (both with the Silmaril evading them in the background), Morgoth's defeat by Host of the West with Eärendil shining far overhead, the final attack/theft, Maedhros's death, Maglor flinging the third into the sea and collapsing)

- camera close on Seraphina's face as she opens her eyes. They are shining with Light. She says, "Fuck."

FINAL EPISODE OF S2 STARTS WITH:

- a few second earlier: Martha sees from across the room as Phina opens the box and a joyous Light shines forth, and her sister collapses. The Silmaril falls and rolls.

- Martha doesn't have time to see where it rolls, because she has to fight the monster that killed both her parents. We've seen Laura's Bane in the shape of a woman with cavern-black hair and fiery eyes a few times before, and when it killed Laura and Elrohir, we glimpsed much more. But 2 episodes ago was the first time we saw it in all its terrible, burning darkness. The building is falling apart around it. There were a couple security guards and a scientist here; they're dead within moments.

- like her mother, Martha started out with a gun and a sword. She quickly gives up on the gun - it IS a special magic gun, but she's just better with a sword. She's snarking at the monster as she fights, because this is a gritty urban fantasy show so she's going to die, but by Eru she's going to die with sarcasm on her lips.

- the Bane's whip finally catches her around the wrist. It's not clear if it's the pain of the break or the burn that makes her drop her sword. The Balrog steps over it and grabs her by the throat. Darkness enwraps her, the searing, choking claws and the all-encompassing wings and the swallowing of her vision -

- Light pierces it like a blade. The Balrog falls back, dropping Martha to the floor.

- there stands her sister, Silmaril raised, almost glowing herself with its Light. Her eyes blaze with the particularly fiery Light that was always Fëanor's.

- Power in her voice, in English she says, "I am Seraphina Elrohiel [cool epithet she's picked up as a hunter]"; in the most traditional lisping Quenya she adds, "and I am Fëanáro Finwë-Curufinwë." English again: "I wrought this jewel five ages of the world ago…and to be honest, I don't really know what I can do with it now."

- - (the soundtrack crescendos, the Music crescendos; unseen, all around Arda and beyond, beings tuned into the Great Song of Ëa know that Fëanor once again holds a Silmaril, and go oh, shit, fuck!!)

- she smiles, fey and burning. "Do you think it's a good idea to stay and find out?"

- Laura's Bane flees with a snarl.

- Martha gets to her knees, and no further. She's panting, still catching her breath, bleeding and bruised and burned, and staring up at her incandescent sister(?).

- Seraphina (who is, has always been, Fëanáro Curufinwë) stays standing and glaring for a moment more, making sure the enemy has truly gone. Then -

- - [note: it came up, in their hasty recent recent research into the Silmarils while chasing them, that they are blessed such that evil hands can't touch them. they'd hoped this would be protection against the Bane, if they got there too late to stop it]

- - [note: in the very very brief memory-views of Maedhros and Maglor's last moments, it was clear that their grips on the Silmarils were agony]

- Phina falls to her knees, Silmaril dropping from her hand without protest. Once again it rolls offscreen, glow faded but still bright. All force of presence gone, she cradles her burned hand and sobs in agony and irreparable loss, not to mention the sheer overwhelming experience of everything.

- older sister instincts (again: despite the fact that they're twins) gets Martha moving when nothing else did. Still not actually sure what just happened, she crawls forward and hugs her sister.

...then they get out of there. Martha picks the Silmaril up carefully with a piece of cloth and puts it back in the lead-lined box, and Phina carries the box. For the rest of the episode, they hunt down Laura's Bane before it can escape them utterly - unless it tries to come back and get the Silmaril while they're still off-balance, which is entirely possible! Either way, they kill it so dead!

Season ends with the two of them sitting in a dingy motel room, or maybe back in the Shadowfax [car], staring at the Silmaril box. Martha says, "So...what do we do with this?" Phina says, "We find out what the hell happened to the other two!"

IN SEASON THREE...

...I stop having particularly coherent ideas for what happens, is what happens in season three

honestly, I was originally conceiving of this as 5 seasons a la Supernatural didn't it have a great show finale in 2010? so great. thank goodness they didn't make 10 more seasons for some canonically godforsaken reason. But Fëanor retrieving even just one Silmaril would so kick off an s4 level of divine intervention and incipient apocalypse...

I dunno, or maybe they CAN have a full season of Monster of the Week plus arcing plot which is half standard hunting, half various supernatural entities tracking them down either to steal the Silmaril or to kill Fëanor (again) for her many crimes?

They retrieve 1 Silmaril that season, while evading, idk, I guess Sauron is our Lilith equivalent... And it WOULD be fun to have s4 start with Martha kicking open Mandos's doors (she's holding 2 Silmarils; she can kick open whatever doors she wants) and demanding her obnoxious sister back...

(We COULD do a thing where the Valar deliberately put Fëanor back asap, but lbr they...would probably rather not, even if they need her alive to do certain things. On the other hand, if they did, what a fun conflict for her! On the third hand, SOMEONE has to Lúthien the other's Beren at least once - not that Martha is singing. She's going more for the 'threatens Ainur with swords' side of her heritage.)

(That WOULD create a fun 'Martha has been doing increasingly badass and angsty shit offscreen (while Seraphina was dead)' scenario that could lead smoothly into some flashbacks about what Martha was doing before the show started - namely, increasingly badass (and angsty) shit while Seraphina was in college...)

Because in terms of focus, the first 2 seasons are a little more about Seraphina. Having not Ranged for a while, she's more the audience's pov character to start, and then the big plotty drama is focussed on her in s2...and in s3, as they hunt the next Silmaril and she adjusts to being... That is, Fëanor adjusts to being...

She was Fëanor for a MUCH longer time than she's been Seraphina, but she's been Seraphina more recently and kinda more...vividly? She hasn't fully processed being Fëanor. Her hröa is human (and female-shaped and human-female-gendered, and elves don't define gender the same way and don't have gendered pronouns at all, so she's sticking with 'she/her' and it's not a big deal), and her fëa has been acting human, so her memory capacity is still mostly human, as are her reflexes, her need for sleep, etc... She's getting better, but it takes time.

But boy has this enhanced ALL of Seraphina's natural attention-seeking, forward-leaping, fight-starting, prideful, self-centered Protagonist(TM) behavior!

Which is driving Martha CRAZY, all the moreso because there's reason for it now. Aside from the fact that even with no memory of her past life, Seraphina was always brilliant, while Martha was just...normal at best. Clumsy and un-witty except with a weapon in her hand. Prone to sulking and shyness. Downright unlucky, while the universe seems to shower blessings on her sister.

Even when Fëanor is trying not to start a fight, she's so condescending. to her sister who is a mere mortal Man. Having been one for 25-odd years - still being one, in fact - Fëanor has lost much of her suspicion of Man as an usurping species (it was never really about Men anyway). But she's SO condescending.

(Martha IS her sister, still. Martha can hold the Silmaril without the Oath pushing Seraphina to burning wrath, because she is Fëanor's kin.)

(Though "Fëanor's kin" was only ever a stand-in for, roughly, "people Fëanor could trust to temporarily hold a Silmaril because he knew they'd give it back to him instantly if he asked." So, as the rift deepens between then, as she grows paranoid again...)

...returning to the point above: as Seraphëanor steps up as Person Who Can Explain Advanced Supernatural Shit, audience pov connects a little more with Martha. Also because Fëanor's radius of destruction is really fun to watch from the outside.

Yeah...Seraphina gets pretty high up her own ass over the course of s3, then dies, maybe heroically or maybe as foolishly as last time, then post-season hiatus smash cut to Martha kicking in Mandos's front door and dragging her back to life... I do love that.

SEASON FOUR...

After the shock wears of, the classic Fëanorian paranoia isn't helped by the fact that Martha IS keeping secrets. What she's been doing, who she's been doing it with...(some Maia, maybe even an Úmaia?) Though Arda's mythology doesn't have the same Heaven/Hell dichotomy as Earthly Christianity, so alaos we can't have the sexy sexy s4 thing of an angel on one sister's shoulder and a devil on the other's...

But basically I think s3 has to have been somewhat of a tragedy, as Túrin (unknowing) and Fëanor (just bad at this) played out their old tragedies in tandem. Rashness was often the undoing of both. Leaping to conclusions, action or both, though usually in opposite directions. With maybe a dash of parallels with ancient (ie, Second Age) Elf vs Man conflict - Martha is increasingly down on herself, but also, jealous of Seraphina's Protagonist Energy and increasingly ready to do some violence about it.

And none of that resolves in s3! Seraphina just gets killed!

So in s4, they have to figure it out. Seraphina needs to learn some sort of (gasp) humility, and how to let grievances (and loved ones) go. Martha needs to learn how to cope with regret and grief with means other than changing her name and moving to a different city.

(She's already starting, though! This time, she asked "what would Seraphina do', then broke into Mandos and demanded solutions!)

(...and Mandos, perhaps, was very ready to refuse until he got a good look at her fëa, silently went 'huh' in recognition, and waved them out.)

Then Martha starts having strange dreams and visions - maybe after they fight an ancient dragon? or maybe she already was, in the s3-s4 gap (after fighting an ancient dragon with her new Maia friend?)

Seraphina is initially PSYCHED about this- twinnies for real!! But they get some entity to look at Martha's fëa and they confirm that she's 100% a Man.

Monster of the Week episodes are still the main focus btw. Vampires and werewolves, cursed magical objects, rogue petty nature maiar, peacekeeping between factions of non-humans still dwelling secretly here and there... Though perhaps the masquerade is starting to fracture?

And, of course, some (other?) Maia has shown up and informed them that Sauron is embodied again and trying to complete a ritual to break a hole in the envelope of the world to let Melkor back in, which our heroes must stop!

Also, definitely need to get the 3rd Silmaril back this season. They got the one in the earth and the one in the sea...

- so, a fan favorite recurring character [a/n: IT'S MY IMAGINARY TV, I CAN IMAGINE THE FANDOM'S REACTIONS, TOO, AND ALSO TBH I'M CERTAIN I COULD DELIBERATELY CRAFT A FAN FAVORITE CHARACTER] is the twins' Uncle Earl, who isn't technically their uncle but rather an old family friend of their mother's. He is, in short, kind of an old kook. Some flavor of Southern - I'll flip a coin and say Louisianan? Lives on a houseboat, refuses to go ashore unless absolutely necessary because "the feds'll get me." Visiting nieces means there's someone else to go get groceries and gasoline (necessary, but he doesn't trust most delivery services or modern technology, either), so they've possibly never seen him set foot on land except maybe once on an isolated beach in rural Oregon. Fought in Korea. Has probably looked grizzled since age 12. Eats mostly fish, talks to birds, talks back to the radio.

- to be clear, this guy is not filling the Bobby 'faux-parent' role. ...okay maybe he is a little, emotionally. But he's not involved in "the family business." In terms of SPN characters, he's roughly Garth - appears once a season or so, is a delight for 1 episode, then we part ways. He calls Martha in s1 because there's been some "weird deaths" in the port he's in right now, and he knows they deal with "this sort of thing" but he can't get ahold of Laura. There's a mention of him in s2, that they called to tell him Laura had died. In s3, they need to lay low for a while so they join him on his boat for a few weeks, go stir-crazy and end up fighting a sea monster.

- Idk if he calls them again in s4 or they're trying to lie low again or they just run into him by chance...but they're dealing with MotW murders in some swampy Florida shore-town and on his ship (The Flower) when something much bigger than a swamp monster catches up with them. Say, Sauron sent an unstoppable Carcharoth-sized wolf monster, or maybe a super-vampire (some aerial combat would be fun), or just some Úmaia miniboss that a season or two would've been a season-climax boss fight...

- they're moored up when it arrives. Phina curses, Martha shouts for Earl to drive, drive the boat out as far and fast as he can! Earl was half-asleep at the table; he starts awake demanding if it's the feds?! Phina leaps to the wheel herself and slams the gas, while Martha grabs the old shotgun off the wall and fires at the giant shadowy wolf-monster.

They leave it howling on the pier. They'll have to go back and face it eventually, but they're not ready right now. Maybe they can even re-land far upshore, and it'll have lost their scent again...

- the giant shadow-wolf finishes howling starts chasing them running on the water

- Martha curses, and shouts Phina to drive faster. Earl (looking over Martha's shoulder, also cursed, almost impressed, at the sight of the wolf) tells her to give him the wheel. Phina shoves him away and shouts back as she yanks the wheel that they need to turn back, they can't win this fight on the water -

- the wolf is snapping at the Flower's keel. Phina curses in Valarian and yells at Earl to take the wheel and steer them back to land, while she runs back to help Martha fight the wolf.

- Earl flips a red lever in the [boat mechanics] cabinet under the wheel which we've probably seen before (Seraphina fixed something in s1), labeled "High Octane" and shouts, "Hold on, girls!" He slams the throttle again and the whole houseboat hydroplanes. The wolf falls overboard; Phina goes with it but Martha grabs her.

- the wolf gets to its feet on the water, and starts chasing them again

- "Confession time, girls!" Uncle Earl calls, steering the boat beyond full throttle while Martha and Phina get to their feet. "I did befriend your ma's dad while he was fighting in Korea. He whispered to the stars at night, when he felt lost." Adjusts a standing spyglass, tugs a string a couple times to turn on the lanterns on the prow and above the steering console, dons his navy blue-and-gold captain's hat. "I thought I couldn't have been happier to guide him home - then Elrohir met his Laura, and they fell in love. And had the two of you!"

- "Do you have a point?" Phina shrieks. She's scrambling to get her jacket out of her bag under one of the seats, because her Silmarils are in its pockets and the shadow-wolf is gaining. Martha, shooting at the wolf again, glances back, maybe having noticed that the old anecdote is phrased differently than before. Old Uncle Earl is standing unusually straight, his grizzled-gray hair gold-ish in the warm lantern light.

- "Yes!" he calls, jerking the boat away from the wolf again. Some of his Louisiana accent has fallen away, too. "Don't lose your wits - and keep holding on to something!"

- he tugs the light-cord again and the yellowy lantern-case above the wheel opens, and the light that shines forth is far brighter and paler. Its source falls into his hand as the lantern shakes with the Flower's speed, and he sets it on the brim of his hat - the illusion of which fades, leaving only the golden band on his brow with the Silmaril set upon, and Eärendil standing as tall, young, and golden-haired as when he first sailed the sacred seas. He gives the wheel another stern yank and the ship's prow rises even higher - and keeps rising, with the rest of the Flower in tow - the Foamflower, Vingilotë, every plank now aglow.

- "Also," he admits, looking over his shoulder to make sure neither of the twins has fallen off (again), "I'm your great-grandfather. I really am sorry to have - hey!"

- that's for Seraphina, who is Fëanor, Oath blazing in her heart, regaining her balance, sprinting up the deck and lunging with wrath in her eyes for the Silmaril.

- Eärendil dodges smoothly, while still keeping one hand on the wheel. "I said," he says reprovingly - while Martha bodily tackles her sister to the floor - "keep your wits Fëanáro. I'm here to help, as I ever have been for the people of Arda."

- the girls wrestle on the deck for a few more seconds before Seraphina calms down. It helps that they realize the wolf had grown giant wings of shadow and is chasing them aloft as well.

- btw: late in s4, the dwarvish researcher who's Bobby's fill-in and/or Martha's probably-trustworthy Maia friend should really be present as well for all of the above, but this ain't really about them. So I think they're just kinda. awkwardly Present for this family not-reunion. helping fight the wolf & all that.

- (Eärendil doesn't actually give back the Silmaril. But he lets Seraphina hold it for a few minutes, during which she is more at peace than she has been in millennia, and promises to let her have it again if/when she really needs it, if it isn't more urgently needed elsewhere. This is, more or less, satisfying to the Oath: as discussed "Fëanor's kin" was only ever shorthand for "people whom Fëanor could trust to hold a Silmaril without ever withholding it from him.")

Eeexcept it turns out that even Eärendil doesn't know that the Valar DO want Morgoth back, because they're kinda totally down to have Dagor Dagorath and reboot the world. Look it'll be great - Túrin - that's you, Martha - will help Eonwë and Tulkas slay him, then Fëanor will break the Silmarils, releasing the Light so that Eru can use it to Remake the world, Unmarred this time - Hey, where are you Children going? Stop stabbing people! Stab only the people we tell you to stab!

(Ulmo, ever wise, offscreen: When has that EVER worked? Especially with Fëanáro and his kin?)

Yeah, there's a scene very much like the end of SPN s4, wherein Martha gets grabbed by the celestial "good guys" and they admit that this is all kinda set-up but don't worry - here's your destined fuckoff-huge black sword, just wait a few minutes for your "sister" to once again achieve an evil end that's the exact opposite of what she intended; and then Martha has to convince the Maia she's been befriending all season to help her escape and go rescue Seraphina before she jumpstarts the apocalypse...

(Nb: Martha was already trying to stop Sauron from freeing Morgoth when the season started - she broke Seraphina out of Mandos party bc she loved and missed her sister, partly because she needed a Silmaril expert. But she's grown skeptical of the task somehow, while Seraphina - perhaps because Seraphina - has gotten vengefully obsessed with it. As Fëanor is wont to do. Hell, she has even more reason than she used to - she knows what Sauron did to her grandson.)

So, y'know

They do, of course, accidentally free Morgoth.

On the plus side, in the process, they get to jointly murder the SHIT out of Sauron, who was the REAL mastermind behind much of Laura's Bane's actions (and, honestly? Might've been the real one who killed Laura, and only set it up to look like a Balrog. Flames and shadows both can have many masters!)

SEASON FIVE, THE FINAL SEASON DEFINITELY FOLLOWED BY NO FURTHER SEASONS despite the temptation of a terrible sexy humanoid Ungoliant

I only have 3 ideas for season 5:

1. They go to Valinor at some point, of course. Perhaps to rally aid? The first elf they find, they introduce themselves grandly, Fëanor and Túrin Turambar here seeking allies to fight Morgoth! and the elf says blankly, "I have never heard of either of you." *squints* "You're Men, you say? Lord Ulmo keeps a Man on Tol Eressëa, I think. You could go to him?" But after that, as a running joke all episode, every other elf they meet recognizes Fëanor on sight (she has a very distinctive fëa) and immediately punches her in the face...and every other elf recognizes Tùrin on sight and all but tackle-hugs Martha while shouting joyfully that they never expected to see him again. Some (Beleg) actually do tackle-hug her (and nearly gets stabbed again) (#worthit).

2. To everyone's surprise, including the other Valar, Morgoth started his war upon creation subtly when he returned...but doesn't remain subtle for long, nor do those opposing him. By the end of the season, the masquerade that non-human sentient peoples and various other supernatural beings still live in Arda is all but shattered.

3. Then it's THOROUGHLY shattered in the finale. I don't know if the general human populace participates in the final battle - though I am SO weak for a moment when, like, the regular-ass armed forces, who are not necessarily allies to the heroes, show up to help fight a massive superhuman threat. When the SHIELD helicarrier shows up to evacuate civilians in Age of Ultron, when UNIT does pretty much anything in Doctor Who...I love it when the best protections & warriors the mundane human race could pull together also show the fuck up and help save the day because damnit, this is their planet too. ...Which is, in fact, very on-theme for Tolkien. So yes, actually, this definitely happens. Probably there's some conflict with US military forces mid-season, our heroes have to talk (fight & escape) their way out of being arrested for blowing up a national landmark while fighting a balrog, and the general in charge whom they'd half-convinced returns in the finale with a battalion to slam some missiles into Morgoth...

oh, and 4: Ar-Pharazón et al totally do come back from the dead. Probably on Morgoth's side lbr. They get a twisted undead immortality wherein they cannot die, just go on fighting for the dark lord to whom they once turned in jealous worship...

More importantly...

Okay, I really don't know exactly how the Dagor Dagorath goes. We're following the version that Eärendil will chase Morgoth from the skies; Tulkas, Eonwë and Túrin will fight him upon the field and Túrin will avenge his House and all the Race of Men by slaying him; and Fëanor will break the Silmarils and Yavanna will use their Light to remake the Trees, and the lands will be leveled or in some cases raised from the depths, and everyone will live happily ever after except possibly Men who aren't mentioned beyond Túrin.

This is what the Valar expect to happen (though they don't actually know-know Eru's plans.)

What happens instead is...

Most of the Morgoth-defeating does go exactly like that. Except probably they don't kill him for good - they CAN'T, because the Marring of the world is part of what Morgoth is, and the only way to undo him completely is to remake the world completely.

Which maybe could be done, by Eru if no one else, if He were beseeched? Which might be done with the strength of the Silmarils, their Light released?

And Seraphina does break the Silmarils. That's important for her - giving up her Protagonist role, just as slaying Morgoth - embracing her Protagonist role - is important for Martha.

...but I don't think they give the Light back to Yavanna. No offense to the Trees, but they never illuminated most of Arda anyway, and the world is round now anyway - and making it flat again would fuck it up - and we have, like, electrical lights, now.

Hell, maybe Seraphina is ready to give up the Light... Her instinct is to hold it back, to follow her own novel plans with it, but, oh, to regain what was lost! And she has come around on...some of the Valar. Selectively. Yavanna's one of the okay ones.

- but Martha, half-dead from the battle, drops to her knees beside her and catches her hands before she can loose the Light upward unto the grasp of the Tree-Queen.

- "Together?" Martha says (Túrin Turambar, ever the greatest Men had to offer - bull-headed, loyal, brave, unafraid of death, loving and losing and loving again).

- Seraphina's trembling lips curve into a fierce grin (Fëanäro Curufinwë, ever the greatest Elves had to offer - brilliant in mind and spirit, devoted, ever seeking to preserve and glorify the beauty of the world, and eventually learning some wisdom about letting go).

- "Together," she agrees.

- together, they hold the Light that once shone in the Trees, the Lamps, and the Flame Eternal of Creation itself; and as they release it, reach for the Great Music of Ëa that is deep in both their blood - for they are the daughters of Elrohir, son of Elrond, son of Elwing daughter of Dior son of Lúthien Tinúviel, daughter of Melian the Maia; and indeed, even before that, they are both trueborn Children of Eru, are they not? - and eschew utterly the Choice of the Peredhel by leaving the world round but Un-Sundering the Sea, that the kindred might still live apart, if they wished it - the Elder in their land undying, the Younger in their realms of quick and sometimes joyful, often savage change - but that they might visit one another, at least, as they pleased.

(I mean, wasn't the false division of siblings the whole problem from the start?)

Random Additional Features of this Show/AU/Thing

All elf and ainu side characters, canonical and not, will be cast gender-blindly, and characters referred to with the understanding that elvish personal pronouns don't necessarily correlate with physical phenotype, but Ainur do generally try to match local standards of gender assignment. Dwarves will all use he/him (and have beards!) even when fairly clearly female.

I have no idea what Martha is doing for gender once she remembers being Túrin. With all the time Túrin spent with Elves, she probably rolls pretty smoothly with being she/her now, though it's weird. Her memories definitely integrate more easily than Fëanor/Seraphina's, though, as much because she's the same kind of being both times as because there's less of them.

Both protagonists are definitely bisexual. Martha has a range of love interests; it's a running joke (at first) that Seraphina has a total Thing for redheads. Any kind of redhead. But especially creative ones - any kind of art or invention.

The role of Gabriel WILL be played by Maglor, albeit with a different death (don't worry, he'll be back for the finale) and much more...gloominess. And angst. Okay, and maybe his first appearance, in s1 or 2, IS cursing them - not knowing who they are - into a musical episode. (A WOMAN HAS NEEDS; THE WOMAN IS ME.)

When Martha meets Fingolfin and/or any of Fëanor's other siblings, probably in s5 but maybe s4, they immediately Vibe completely. It's the shared experience of growing up with Fëanor for a sibling. Needless to say, Seraphina Hates This.

Their chief researcher friend is a dwarf, who is also on the young-ish side I think, and a woman (he/him).

There's gotta be a notable hobbit on the Team before the end, too...but overall, hobbits remain symbolically representative of the Civilians in this war story.

Durin is alive again somewhere. Durin usually reincarnates in time to guide his people through particularly difficult times - or, to try. Their dwarf friend - what the hell, I'll just call him Bobby - tries SO hard to be Cool about meeting him, and fails SO hard.

I generally prefer to judge and characterize the Valar and associated Maiar as fallible to the point of clumsiness or negligence but basically wise and thoroughly benevolent...but I AM willing to throw some of them under the characterization bus for ease of making conflict in this hypothetical CW show.

...I probably have many more random thoughts but it's 3am and I want to post this whole insane thing. Feel free to ask me questions if you have them! And/or petition both the Tolkien estate and a major TV network for the rights, money, and support to help me make the terrible but wonderful show we deserve!

[mysteriouswolf]

ayup

itsa you, Mysterious!

I'm gonna ask you some questions. you! are free to answer all of these questions, or some (or none, but I don't think that's gonna happen). if you don't want to answer a question, that's okay! all I ask is that you put something like n/a where the answer to that question would be :)

idk if I've asked you this, but what's ur favorite life series?

When did you start watching HC, and what season of Life did you start on?

are you into EPIC the musical?

what is your opinion on red velvet cake? I made some today and it looked rly good and also we made cream cheese frosting but the frosting had about a zillion tons of powdered sugar and it looked like my phone and I had done crack together

what is your time zone, if youre amicable to sharing

are you a blob shaped person, a person shaped blob, or a blob shaped blob? (person shaped people do exist, but you and I are Tumblr users. we're not without the blob)

Also do you think I'm a blob shaped person, person shaped blob, or blob shaped blob.

what is your favorite way to eat chicken (if you eat chicken)

do you wear glasses

what is your favorite school subject. opinion on science

what is your favorite time o' day

what is your favorite music album

favorite way to consume potats.

one of your favorite fanfics (if you read fics)

are your nails painted? if so what colors? (my left pointer, middle, and ring fingers are silver. all my other fingers are normal)

did you know that you're loved?

did you know that your hair and nails seem to grow after you die because the rest of your body is decaying faster?

what is your favorite animal?

my brain is currently a string of "chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken" and now it's "chicken chicken chicken chicken" but in Halsey's voice. and also there's a different radio station that's just repeating the last refrain of Guilty As Sin? doesn't go very well with the "chicken chicken chicken CHICKEN"

as I am currently falling asleep on my phone, it is time for me to go to bed

I leave you with one last thing

You are. my fire--

no seriously tho

you're awesome. don't let anyone tell you different :)

signing into orbit,

Royal :)

(I wrote this all last night and apparently never pressed the ask button lol)

ROYALLLL HELLOOOO :3

(also you so know that later at some point you're getting a random list of questions too)

Fav. life series: Definitely Double Life- I'm a Grian main, and usually with life series I also watch Scar, Pearl, Scott, Joel, and now Gem. But I absolutely ADORE literally every pair in that series. I mean, the divorce quartet, Desert Duo, The Ranchers, Boat Boys, SO MUCH ICONIC STUFF HAPPENED THERE AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

When did you start watching Hermitcraft? I started watching it at the beginning of season six, watching Grian!! Hermitcraft was the first ever minecraft stuff I ever watched on YT acutally- and I've watched the life series since the very beginning as well.

EPIC the musical? RAHHHH I WILL LISTEN TO IT I PROMISE AKFNEANUIJ. My friends keep begging me and I WILL I just haven't had the time yet- I'm a major Greek mytholgy nerd tho so I will probably like it lol

Red Velvet cake? Uhm- I wouldn't suggest doing crack with your phone, but yeah it's okay. It just tastes the same as chocolate to me, and chocolate's my favorite so I guess it's also my favorite...? I've only had it like twice. Also, I don't like frosting/icing cause Bad Texture™

Time Zone? My time zone is EST :P

I am a person shaped blob. I am not a person. Just blob in a skin suit.

You are also person shaped blob. But like, leaning more on the blob side than person-looking side.

Fav. way to eat chicken? CHIVETTA'S (I love chicken sm)

Glasses? Yea, I do wear glasses! Rn they're blue and black. Fun fact, my eyesight is so bad that I'm *technically* legally blind.

Fav. subject? ELA

Opinion on Science? I enjoy science a lot- espcically doing labs and expirments. And space and rocks. But not like. most of earth science. like weather and plate tectonics and junk. that's boring. I LOVE bio though.

Fav. time of day? Nighttime. Like, right around 10pm-2am specifically. It's so pretty outside, and it's cool out during the summer

Fav. music album? Okay this is hard I CANT CHOOSE JUST ONE- probably the Lemon Boy album by Cavetown, Paramore. By Paramore. (I don't understand why bands name albums after themselves) and rn I've been listening to the album Grief Chapter by Mother Mother until I suck every single bit of dopamine out of it.

Potats? Potats. Love them so much. Best food. So many amazing creations. Probably mashed potats, but I love baked potats too--

Fav. Fanfics? That's also so hard man- my favorite used to be like this Divergent High School AU that was never finished but I would check back every day when I was in 7th grade because I loved it so much, but currently it's either @insomnya777's bfop au or Leave Me Be which was a Grian fanfic THAT WAS SO SAD AND ANGSTY on wattpad (look I started reading fanfic there and its got good stories. dont come at me. i love ao3 too) by Hollie_is_cool

Nails painted? I used to get my nails painted a lot but I would always pick the polish off the day after so I stopped

Did you know that you're loved? I actually think I do. I still struggle with believing it sometimes, but yeah. Yeah, I do. And it's amazing <3

I...also did not know that. That's weird. But also cool.

Fav. animal? WOLFIESSSSSS or FOXIESSSSS!!! Wolves because they're just silly lil guys like foxes but they also represent my personality a lot- and I'm not talking lone wolf. I'm talking about the way wolves actually act. How wolves are pack animals, and need to be looked after but also care for their packs so so much, and have lifelong partners. How wolves are incredibly intelligent and are protective of the ones they love, and how they feel lost when they're alone. It is not a wolf's natural state to be alone.

CHICKENCHICKENCHICKENCHICKENCHICKEN

hehe I love how you do the signing into orbit thing it's genuinely so cool akrgjirsdh- also, I want you to know that you're so fucking incredible too, Royal, and I hope you know that you're loved so much too- I was so excited to get home today so I could type a proper response to this lol I love your random questions and just genuine care and love for the people you know. It's amazing :3333

ALSO SIDE NOTE OUR SCHOOL DID THAT TOO WITH THE LIL PLASTIC DUCKS BEFORE??? BUT IN THE CHORUS ROOM?? And our chorus teacher did a complete 180 and made them his lol

[spacebarbarianweird]

Writer interview

Tagged by @vixstarria Thank you! I am going to write about AO3, my original writing is a story for another post ^-^ Though you know where to read them!

Tagging @themadlu and @queenofthespacesquids

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

46!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

89,691

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Little Bundle of Darkness - Astarion and Tiriel become parents to their dark princess Alethaine!

Beloved Monsters - One of two fics about OC Tiriel with second pov! A very fluffy winter story - no angst. no hurt. Just their little family.

Heartbeat - The other 2 POV OC fic! Tiriel is pregnant with Alethaine and Astarion feels their daughter's heartbeat! PS - Dhampirs don't breathe but they do have a heartbeat

Puppet Master - Astarion/Reader fic. Astarion is enchanted with Dominate Person spell and almost kills Tav

Temperance - Astarion x Tiriel smut. Tiriel has a lot of body issues aftet giving birth - and Astarion proves her she is still gorgeous

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

YES! I respond to all of them!

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmm... I usually write good endings but The Tainted Past had a terrible angsty ending! Oh, and also Death, Worthy of a Barbarian - Tiriel dies and Astarion becomes a widower.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

They mostly all have happy endings but Baby Fangs has a very light one!

7. Do you write crossovers?

No

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I did get hate on my original works but it was due to political reasons - but I pretended I didn't understand what the issue was

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do love writing smut about Tiriel and Astarion. Tiriel has similar body issues and sexual history like me and it's fun to explore new things! Gonna write breeding and period fics soon!

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Probably not.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I I'd like to try!

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Astarion x Tiriel\Tav. But I also stanned Luke Skywalker x Mara Jade for years (fun fact - Tiriel inherited a lot of features from Mara)

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I am afraid I will never finish writing about Alethaine Ancunin (Dhampirs of the Swords Coast)

15. What are your writing strengths?

Horror, emotions, dialogues. Traumas of different origin.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action. I hate writing it, I can't do it properly even in my mother tongue!

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't mind but it often destroys the vibes. Like, why on earth fantasy characters would speak French? Sure, it would be fun to make Alethaine swear in Russian - but it will ruin the setting.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Baldur's Gate. I was too ashamed to write fics before

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Maybe one day I will be able to write something about Harry Potter (since it was my first big obsession) but I don't want to be involved in political issues (I have too much of that when I write in my mother tongue)

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I am very proud of the whole Alethaine series !

[ahiddenpath]

For the fanfiction ask game: 17, 18, 25, 49, 51!

Citrus! Thank you so much for the asks! If anyone is looking for Digimon Adventure and 02 fanfics, you can read mine on FFN or on AO3 if you are logged in <3

17.) Do you have a writing routine?

A few years ago, I was big on finding a place with a closed door and lighting a candle (partly for vibes, partly to discourage wandering off). But these days, I try to be as informal as possible, so that it's easy to write anytime, anywhere. Sometimes, all you can do is get 15 minutes of copying edits into your draft or jotting down ideas, and those 15 minutes are way better than nothing.

18.) Do you enjoy research? Which fic of yours required the most research?

I enjoyed research a lot more about 10 years ago. Search engines are a nightmare these days! I tried to research courtship in Japan and France in the 1930s for Puits d'Amour, and there is. Nothing. Searchable on Google in English for anywhere except the states and the UK. I ended up purchasing some books on the history of courtship that are, sadly, still very US and UK oriented, and just. Making it clear in my fic that the countries portrayed are fictional, largely in part bc I just could not get my hands on the info I needed.

I did some medical research for Seeking Resonance that was really interesting for me at the time, and oddly, came up in my career just last week! I was floored lol!

25.) What’s your favorite part of the writing process (worldbuilding, brainstorming/outlining, writing, editing, etc)?

I seem to be comparatively light on the worldbuilding and outlining. I love writing because flow state feels amazing and I love editing because it's challenging play. Often, I find that what I want to say evolves from the moods and ideas that occur during flow state. It's been interesting, because over the 12 years of publishing as ahiddenpath, I can see reflections of what I was dealing with personally at the time, and how I resolved that strain with the story. Of course, this kind of writing demands more editing later, as it's so freeform. But I enjoy editing, and I believe my love of writing and need to write are strongly connected to the fact that I use writing to deal with things, to understand myself, to challenge myself, and to grow.

49.) What fic of yours would you say is the best introduction to you as a writer?

How I write and how I think about writing is always changing and evolving, so I suppose my more recent fics? But for the digimon fandom specifically, I usually say After August. Like most of my stories, it's a character-based drama. Specifically, it's about the Adventure Chosen dealing with the loss of their partners and the difficulty of shifting from life as a Chosen in the Digital World to life as kids on earth. Each of them copes in a resoundingly individual way, and they reach out to one another to offer what comfort and support they can.

My works tend to be about people grasping for self-growth and dealing with their demons. They usually aren't plot heavy, although I've been pushing myself to explore plot-based stories recently.

51.) Does what you like to write differ from what you like to read?

One of my closest friends has a master's in literature, and she obligingly wrote me a list of what is... How do you say this? Expertly??? Considered the best literature available in the English language. I've spent the last several years feasting on that, hoping to learn and grow. So, um. My writing can't compete, lol!!!!!

But lately, I've gotten back into reading purely for fun, rather than growth/challenge/experience. I devoured three modern Greek myth retellings in like a three week span, and I have another waiting at the library for me to pick up! Typical, lmao!

The sudden contrast made me notice that, at the risk of sounding snobbish, books written because the narrative is fun, imaginative, and joyful to behold are a different experience than books that encapsulate some aspect of humanity with painful, exquisite, brutal clarity. It's like, hello reader, would you like enjoyment or an existential crisis???? It's been a privilege and a joy to grow from these uh... Literature degree required reading list books. But man it's fun to eat a novel like it's cake!!! OM NOM NOM MORE PLEASE!

I'm not sure if that answered the question at all, but I guess recently I am trying to explore books that I find delightful rather than personally challenging.

Thanks for the asks friend, they were a great distraction from some difficult stuff <3 I really appreciate it! I'm happy to take more if anyone is interested.

[betweenthings2]

Hi! Extremely late to Talk Shop Tuesday but I hope you’re doing well with your job and I hope you’re getting time to relax in between!

Anyway, this question might be too niche and if it is, feel free to give a non-answer or just talk about something completely unrelated haha BUT I know in my experience there’s been a couple times where I’m reading a book and I just think, “damn this would be a really good plot/retelling but with [insert pairing]” and then for the rest of the book I’m just picturing said pairing in my head, so do you like get that?? Has that ever happened with you? Do you pull inspo for fics from books ever? If not, tell me about your favorite book(s) now/when you were little, etc!

🥤

Hello, Smoothie Anon!! Don't worry about being late--I've kind of lost track of the days. You could have just gone with it and I might think it was Tuesday.

Work is an Experience. Things were slow yesterday morning because everything, pt. 1 was on fire, and then I got sent home early because everything, pt. 2 was, and still is, on fire, so that was *fun.* Things got a little busier today, but I have 16 more days (I have a countdown) of work before I move, so hopefully things stay slow until I leave.

Anyways, on to the Shop Talk Tuesday/Thursday.

I'll have to preface this with the fact that I don't read as much as I used to or would like to. The last book I remember having fic thoughts (trademark pending) about was On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous. It's such a moving story and, to be entirely honest, I think it did kind of move me towards my idea for the Unsent Project fic, given the way the narrative is structured. I also wish I could write something like My Year of Rest and Relaxation, but I don't know that I have the skills to write that kind of story. Norman Maclean's A River Runs Through It is another book that I think I sometimes pull bits and pieces from. It's about fly fishing and religion, but I think it's also about how things that aren't religion are religion, loving someone who won't allow you to help them, loving someone you can't understand, and carrying those things. I think that these are themes that do kind of crop up in what I write in places.

In terms of pulling inspiration from books, I think I pull inspiration more from the way things are written than the content. I think I've spoken some about Hemingway in asks before, but I love the way Hemingway wrote. He wrote in such a way that I always feel compelled to keep reading. A professor suggested I read A Clean, Well-Lighted Place, which is a short story that is about two and a half pages long, but it lives in my head and I think about it all the time. I'm not saying that I write like Hemingway, or that I want to entirely copy the way he wrote, but I would like to figure out how to write things that are moving and/or compelling to two and a half pages.

Since you've given me the opportunity, I will also share some of the books I love. One of the books I regularly return to is The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. It has some upsetting content, but it's very well written and I always feel different somehow when I finish reading it. A River Runs Through It has to be on a list of my favorites because it strikes close to home in some aspects and the book itself was a gift, so I feel sentimental about it. I read Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist at the right time, so I'm very fond of it, and I also really enjoyed Donna Tartt's The Goldfinch.

[clairefable]

Fully intended to post these for shipping week, but wussed out because I'm going through a "everything I draw is terrible and no one wants to look at it ESPECIALLY this nonsense" phase, so here it is in one single easy-to-ignore-post 🤷 Fun fact: the Castlevania AU came about because way back in the old black and white days when dinosaurs still roamed the Earth (so... mid to late 00s? Maybe??) a friend of mine wrote a fic and gave Lorelei the surname "Belmont" because a) they were really into Castlevania at the time, and b) Lorelei Belmont is a cool name so it's kinda stuck with me lol Also the "first" is "first child", because I like to believe the Alolan Sandslash they both have in Masters/LGPE is one and the same 🥺

And uuuuuuh day 7 (summer) kind of got out of hand and managed to escape being relegated to the sketchdump of shame because I actually quite like the colours!

[preeningpisces]

hi!! i loved your kenjaku one-shot so, so much!! it's honestly so much fun and so sexy, and so natural and it flows so well!!!

like i loved the beginning and the detail with the book? so good!! and the fact that he makes fun of the book and takes this pleasure in dissecting it and picking out the sex scenes?? that's so in character for him!

and oh my gosh! that transition into the pyjama top coming undone? and that stare? how it becomes heavy and charged, and how the atmosphere changes in the split of a second? i was reading with bated breath.

and then he charged forward and makes the move!! ugh, that was seriously so sexy, my gosh.

the way you wrote kenjaku is phenomenal. like you characterised him so, so well.

and i honestly think that was one of the sexiest scenes i've ever read in a very long time. it just felt so natural and authentic, and lived-in in the best way possible.

like the dialogue is so good. it's so witty!

and kenjaku's confidence? aye, of course he'd be confident! kenjaku's occupying the most handsome and beautiful human being to walk this earth and, on top of that, he's got centuries of experience to boot! he'd put the kama sutra to shame!

and i really liked how you balanced his quiet superiority with his willingness to get down and dirty, and embrace feeling, and fully immerse himself in it!!

but, also, i'm just obsessed with the dynamic that you conjured! i find myself craving more!! it just flows so naturally and it's so believable that this encounter would end up being so steamy!! xxx

and, oh my gosh, that ending!! it's so funny!!! also, such a good way to end, too?? but really, really funny. and it feels so in character for him to say that, too!!

i loved, loved, loved this fic xx i would've loved to give it many more notes if i could xx <33

Anon….im blown away. Uuuuuuh THANK YOU?!!

AKSJDJHf

I reread it a bit ago & felt pretty unhappy with how it turned out, so this was wildly encouraging - you don’t even KNOW

The dialogue in particular I felt iffy about so I’m delighted you found it enjoyable ^.^

Sexiest scene you’ve read in a while?? Anon don’t make me cry ;-;

Kenjaku would be a crazy good in bed & no one can convince me otherwise!! You see the vision. You get it.

I really enjoy Kenjaku (I know, it’s so hard to tell) & have lots I want to write about him, so hearing you like how portray him is so helpful! I hope to write more kenny stuff that feels in-character :3

I hadn’t considered a sequel or anything of that sort, but now that you say that it makes me think it could be fun to write more with this specific YN in mind 🧐

Ugh this means a ton. Thank you with my whole heart for taking the time to think of & write this 🙏🙏 it just made my whole day? Week? Month? Year?

I’m mentally sending you an edible arrangement 🥺 💌💐

[monsterhunting]

Hello! I was re-reading -i bet you think about me- yesterday, and saw your reblog about the commentary posts 👀 would v much enjoy some info on the writing process for that fic. It's my favourite modern-era version of Jonathan, that perfect mix of grumpy and sweet 🧡 also love how that fic gently played around with the mean/petty elements of both Steve and Jonathan's personalities (v underappreciated character traits of theirs in my opinion)

[i bet you think about me; from this ask meme!]

omg well firstly this is very very nice of you to say!!!!! i am very honored that is a fic you would want to reread, i had a lot of fun writing that one!

and ok so originally i thought that fic might be a long oneshot (this happens very often I fear.) once i outlined and started writing, I realized that wouldn’t be the case, but before that?l? the idea for the fic was inspired by the fact that my Alexa is synced to my Spotify, which means sometimes i’m listening to music on my phone or laptop and it randomly cuts off bc my mom started listening to the Alexa at home. (Luckily this hasn’t screwed my algorithm up too badly. although i did get an email the other month thanking me for being one of earth wind & fire’s top fans.) ((also: i realize now this is a weird jump to “hmm stonathan exes to lovers au where….” but that was indeed the jump i made.))

so for several months the fic sat in my Google docs with just a few lines of prose/dialogue here and there and a couple of notes with ideas. I think the first little bit i wrote was the beginning when steve tells robin about realizing Jonathan still has his Spotify (and by that i mean that for a while the only words in the Google docs were “you know what’s funny about this? You and Jonathan have, like, the opposite taste in music.”) and then for a while I’d randomly come up with little ideas and quickly add them to the doc. In fact, i distinctly remember driving home from a vacation with my family in the car, coming up with a bunch of ideas, and quickly writing them down when we stopped at the Starbucks drive thru. (I think that was when I threw in the what makes you beautiful karaoke flashback and also the scene post-confrontation where Nancy tells steve Jonathan is seeing someone and then has to clarify it’s a therapist lmao)

So that was the ~early stage stuff, and then i fully outlined it and started actually writing and then posting it in chapters, which is around the time I decided it would be nonlinear with flashbacks breaking up the present day sections. Also: the flashbacks were very much my favorite part to write!!!

And then from there i was mainly focused on creating, like….the vibe. I pretty much knew i wanted the fic to start out fun with a lot of Spotify shenanigans but get a bit more angsty as it went on, and i wanted that to tie in with Steve’s general attitude at the beginning being “the breakup wasn’t a big deal and we weren’t even serious” (which you kinda know from the get-go can’t be true because steve and jonathan were neighbors and friends for over a year before they even started dating) and then as the fic goes on you realize it very much was serious and steve is very much not over it. And then alongside that i was trying to walk the line of “these are two fucked up individuals who are very fucked up over each other and the reasons why they broke up make sense for them as characters and are realistic but also you should root for them to get back together regardless.” which was….hard at times lmao. i mean i feel like stonathan kinda have a toxic yaoi vibe depending on characterization / context so it wasn’t hard hard but also i did want to show they were genuinely good together and happy before they self sabotaged their relationship so that was another line i also struggled to walk.

relatedly; i’m glad you said you liked steve and jonathan’s petty/mean elements because i worried at several moments i was making them too mean! i think i was especially worried people would think jonathan was too mean, mainly because you don’t get his pov so you don’t really know what’s going on in his head. which is partly what i added in a little wrap-up of the events of the fic from his point of view when he and Steve talk toward the end. but also, tbh — and maybe this will sound bad lmao — i was thinking about it and then i was like “hang on. you’re writing M/M fanfiction. The only way someone would get mad at you because they think either of them is too mean is if one of them was a woman. So you’re fine.” And that helped lmao

Not really sure when I decided what the ending would be but i knew i wanted their reconciliation convo to start with Jonathan playing a song that had some sort of significance to steve / their relationship. And I knew i wanted them to be like “we’re gonna try again and work things out” but i wanted there to be a sense that they’d be successful without necessarily doing an epilogue??? so I just did a lil paragraph at the end that was like steve imagining them living together and giving speeches at robin and Nancy’s wedding and stuff, and that was basically a little confirmation that they’d be fine and things would work out. And then i ended with a flashback to Steve suggesting they share the Spotify account initially bc I thought that would be nice and full circle :)

Thank you so much for asking!!!

[fangirl-erdariel]

Ok so I am fully aware of the irony of me posting this in English, but

One thing I have to admit I miss of fandoms before Ao3 and big social media sites was the non-English fandom spaces for fandoms centered around English-language works. Like, okay, fine, it was only ever a few big ones, like Harry Potter and LOTR and the like. Okay, fine, I only got to experience it briefly, by the time I figured out internet and fandoms around eight years ago, Ao3 was already becoming big, becoming the site for fic, and fandom stuff was moving onto the various social media sites. But there were still a few non-English forums and fic sites around; I frequented one for LOTR and read my first LOTR fics there, while my English was still so weak that I struggled with reading English fic. The site still exists, but there's been barely any activity for years, and no new fics. The Harry Potter site I know for a fact existed once although I never used it myself, I can not find at all - I don't know if it's gone down (though that seems likely) or if i'm just stupid and can't find it.

But these days? Tolkien fandom does still have one active fan forum in my first language, but that site doesn't to my knowledge host fanfic or really put much attention on that aspect of the fandom. As far as I know, there isn't an active Tolkien fan community in my first language on tumblr either, and why would there be? Tumblr is predominantly English-language site, and it's hard, I suppose, to have an active fan community here that uses a language other than English but shares a fandom and relevant tags with predominantly English-speaking fans. The only active fandom community I know of on tumblr that primarily uses my first language is centered around a work that was written in said language in the first place.

And as for Ao3 and fanfic? Well, yes, Ao3 has a lot of language options! But how much do people use them? For my first language, for fandoms I care about myself, not a whole lot. For Tolkien fandom in particular, there's 48 works altogether. Most of them are cross-posted on or archived from that old fic site I mentioned previously. More than I'd care to admit are something I wrote and posted when I was like 12 or 13, and much worse of a writer than I am now. I have left them up, I'm not taking them down because it's more effort than it's worth, but they're not something I like to remember or think about, let alone reread. Many of the rest are about ships and characters I don't care about. That is compared to the something like 700 Middle-Earth fics + an assortment of other non-Tolkien fanfics and oc fics + poetry and song parodies the site also had sections for. (Plus the threads in the conversation sections, but like if we're talking about content you might post on Ao3, that's not on the list). And as I said, some of the 48 works on Ao3 are cross-posts of some of the 700ish fics on the language-specific fansites.

The thing with Ao3 is that yes, it allows for posting in other languages than English. Which is great! But at least in my first language, and I would imagine in many other languages as well, it's not something people do much, aside from a couple of fandoms where the source work is in that language, and a few extremely popular fandoms. Even then you have to go out specifically looking for fics in that language, because if you just look at all the fics in the fandom, fic in other languages gets posted so little that in any bigger/more active fandom, it gets quickly drowned by the English works.

Also, even when people write fic in my first language, I can't really find that sort of dedicated fan community, and I don't have anywhere, aside from their Ao3 comments or maybe some private chat between two people, where I can talk to them. I have, in some fandoms where I'm lucky, one friend who speaks the same language I do, and we can toss ideas back and forth and be fans about our fandoms in my first language, in a private chat. Which is fun and I love that person so much!! But two people isn't a community. And I have to admit, that community is something I kind of wish I could have.

Of course there are merits to the English-speaking fandom spaces and the fandom scene on big social medias! I've made so many friends from all over the world on tumblr and on fandom discords! Even if there were dedicated fanfic and fandom communities for the fandoms I'm into that used predominantly my first language, I'd probably still also hang around in English fandom spaces as well, and read and write fic in English, too. But I just- I would like the chance to choose to do that, you know? I'd like to be able to decide that, you know what, right now I feel like reading/writing something in English. But yesterday I read fic in another language, because I felt like it. I'd like to be able to write fic in my first language and have some hope that it might be read by a handful of people, and I'd like to have enough other people writing fic in the same language to be able to read their work and be inspired by the way they use the language when they write! (Because let's be honest, it's kind of hard to write in isolation, coming up with everything on your own, and I'm constantly getting inspired by and taking notes from the way other people whose fics I read write!) As much as I love that one friend of mine, I would like to be able to have a meta/headcanon discussion in my first language with more than one person besides me chiming in. Everything that's good about fandoms and being in fan communities, I'd like to be able to experience in my first language as well as in English.

And I realize I'm part of the problem, too, posting almost exclusively in English and very rarely writing fic in my first language (although I am planning on making a few things for the None English Fest on Ao3). The dominance of English language in fandoms is in part a self-fulfilling prophecy; no one uses other languages, because no one else uses them either, and someone has to be the one to first start actively writing and/or posting in a given language, and maybe other people would then start doing so too. (Although let's be real, I write fic or post any original content so infrequently that I would probably not be able to kickstart a non-English fandom community by myself even if I wanted to.)

I don't have a solution for this. I don't know whether there is a solution. But I wanted to make this post in the hopes of perhaps stirring up some conversation on the topic, at least making people think about this. So, if you have something, anything, to add - feel absolutely free to do so! I would love to hear other people's opinions on this!

(PS if you speak Finnish and you're into any of the fandoms i'm in, feel free to come chat with me! And if you ever write fic in Finnish of one of my fandoms, please link it to me, I wanna read it!!)