#functional demand

[ineed-to-sleep]

*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it

[maevesweirdart]

i hate hate hate having PDA (pathological demand avoidance/pervasive drive for autonomy). at work. at school. at home. everyone is like “do the thing” and i’m like “…… k” because i *want* to be able to do the thing, and i know everyone *expects* me to do it, and *all i want* is for people to see me as a trustworthy adult and not flaky or lazy, and i just. can’t???

i’ve been told i’m “making excuses” so so so so many times. eventually i started to internalize it. i tell myself that now. it doesn’t help.

[stuffnonsenseandotherthings]

So this week we got the mentors relaxing around their interns and blurring the lines as well as some nice juxtaposition between Jane/Ryan and Judy/Ba-Mhee(/Tae).

Next week it looks like shit's going to hit the fan quite spectacularly and re-draw the lines we saw dissolving today.

[imidori-ya]

I time travel back to the globe theatre in 1599 to find Mr. Willy Shakes himself and explain that in the future actors have become what essentially amounts to our modern gentry. That through the existence of magic moving pictures they have the ability to act in front of any audience at any time. Making them household names. I explain the Oscars to him in grueling detail. He strangles me to death with a pair of his gay little stockings when I tell him about the best actress awards.

[nolongerexistingsadcatface]

Ok yes America hating the cold is funny (eh) BUT. have you considered that I like the imagery of an America sitting alone in the forest in the bleak mid-winter landscape of an east coast woods, all alone in both body and mind, agonizing over her seeming doom to be stuck in the throes of loneliness for all eternity?

[shostakobitchh]

I was in the middle of writing chapter 65 and a parent sent me the NASTIEST email because I didn’t recommend her child for something even though the kid didn’t even apply 😭 so now I’m unable to function just sitting on my couch like

[waywardstation]

I cant remember, but have you read donut hole? I remember the author mentioning you beta'ed for them? or am I misremembering?

(and if you're still taking the requests, how about a barry? no pressure!)

I have!! Some of it, at least!! I did used to beta it but then I had to stop cause I got super overloaded with college and I’m still sort of teaching my brain to calm down from that whole disaster haha

(Mons if you’re reading this, I’m totally up for beta-ing again if you need it!! ^^)

While I’m at it, if any of you enjoy Barry-centric content and haven’t read Donut Hole yet, CHECK IT OUT HERE ON AO3!! ^^

[landfilloftrash]

there’s comedy potential here

[milf-murdock]

GHOAP FIC RN!!! (Please i cant-)

I’m going to pretend that you had the best intentions with this ask, but this was extremely rude to me.

This is a hobby. I do this for fun. I love interacting with people in the fandom, I love talking about these characters, I love it all.

But I’m also a real person. With a job. And a life. And I literally just made a post asking for patience while I try to handle medication changes for my ADHD which, as I’m sure you can imagine, make it very difficult to write sometimes.

I am not just a content creating machine.

[fedorahead]

cotton hill is autistic

he is also masking hard from war trauma

no i will not be taking questions

[cantuscorvi]

did tumblr fuck up the ability to tag over a certain amount of people .

[akkivee]

kuko actually has the perfect reason to come hang out w/ the yamadas! like how he'd pay ichiro back after they reconciled and he can do so by helping out w/ household chores since even though he hates doing them, i'm sure he's pretty damn good at them when he puts his mind to it lmao. another is after the events in the s2 anime when he decided to stay and helps with the rebuilding? kuko voice: let me stay over in exchange for my body (doing chores) ichiro: (spits out his cola) ???

i’m sure ichiro would feel like he’s living the good life now that he needs to whack both his bros and his bf upside their heads because they’re bickering over his attention lmao literally like 99 problems but not enough love ain’t one 😭😭😭

[reitziluz]

Hey! For the ask meme- 18 and/or 19, for Vaal?

18. What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC?

weirdly enough. the fact that e actually fucking loves to thrown down. for a long time i approached em as someone who is fully pacifist, just a ray of sunshine, friend to all kittens etc. it felt wrong, but the thought of em being angry and vengeful felt more wrong. eir thing is like, growing and learning to be a person and reclaiming a life for emself. but actually going on 1v1 on dragons and shit is something e misses from eir former life. and if e had been able to live the childhood e was denied, it would have 100% involved chokeslamming a sibling more than once.

19. What is your favorite fact about your OC?

again skipping story event stuff. despite the moth theming, vaal isn't a moth. or even an insect. e actually has eight limbs. there's the humanoid arms and legs. then there's the wings, that could be mistaken for insect wings, but are actually some real magical bullshit. e has a flight mode e can shift into, so the wings aren't present all the time, and more like jets of magic anyway. but! there actually are two small modified limbs on eir back! like rudders! so that's six, right? but surprise! e also has praying mantis like limbs on eir hips!

so technically our buddy is an arachnid! :D

(also a more meta favorite fact is that vaal is my oldest oc that's still active. i should redraw the first design and put it next to the current one, and list the biggest similarities and differences, because it would be hilarious)

[neurodiversitysci]

Panicking-over-almost-nothing Demand Avoidance

Funny ADHD story

Last week, I made the mistake of volunteering for a sleep study at my old college. They pay well, I wanted to help, and maybe I’d learn something about my sleep.

I got an email a few days ago saying "here are some times you could come in," none of which are possible, and forgot to follow up.

I got another email from their lab this morning. Haven't even opened it yet, but as soon as I saw it I started panicking. OMG SOMEONE WANTS SOMETHING FROM ME AND I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE WHAT IF I FAIL OH NO. 

(My hell brain believes that Making Other People Happy is safety).

Knowledge of that email has been hanging over my head distracting me and filling me with That Feeling of Foreboding ever since. Which is inconvenient, as I have an Important Errand to prepare for this morning.

I'm reminding my hell brain that 

a) I signed up for this; I don't *have* to do anything, 

b) an email is not inherently dangerous, 

c) whether I succeed or fail, having someone else expect something from me isn't going to kill me.

My hell brain, unimpressed, continues flooding my body with anxiety.

The Pattern of Demand Avoidance

I’m reminded of that awful term “pathological demand avoidance” (seriously, who thought it would be a good idea to use a term that abbreviates to PDA?). It was coined to describe people, especially kids, who continually refuse to do things that others expect from them. For years, the only time I came across the term was in reference to “misbehaving” kids. The label sounds willfully defiant, and is inherently pejorative (I mean, it has the word “pathological” in it). 

Unfortunately, it also fits my situation surprisingly well. I’m terrified of anyone wanting anything from me, even just answering an email. 

I put off answering emails for exactly this reason, then feel guilty for being late to reply, and the cycle continues, potentially ad infinitum/until it’s been so long that it feels too late to reply, and I eventually let myself forget about it and let it go, in favor of worrying about new emails.

It’s not just emails, though; those are just an example of how innocuous my panic triggers can be.

Right now, I procrastinate on all manner of tasks related to getting involved in activities, making friends, and dating. I literally avoid reaching out to people I want to interact with, because What If They Expect Me to Contact Them Back (And Know What to Say, And Have It Not be Awkward) In a Reasonable Amount of Time.

I spend far more time procrastinating on such tasks than it would take to actually do them. 

Don’t even get me started on the yearly months-long mental tug of war over thank you notes that I went through as a teenager. Or the time I almost didn’t graduate high school because I was stuck on some paperwork and procrastinated down to the wire.

Freaking out over an email about something I literally volunteered to do, however, is a new low.

It’s no surprise that I have so little faith in myself right now. I’ve hit the wall three times now, with real consequences for my life. What if it happens again? 

I don’t trust my brain enough to want to commit to anything. What if I do it wrong? What if I do it late? What if I don’t do it at all?

And it’s become such a habit that I am avoiding doing something I literally cannot fail, except by avoiding it. Sigh.

Reexamining My Procrastination

As someone on Tumblr put it, people with ADHD go through a mental tug of war. One part of you insists “Do the thing” while another, usually stronger, part protests, “No.” Not surprisingly, it makes it hard to get started on things. If you can break through that tug of war, you’re exhausted before you even start.

I’m now considering the possibility that this deep fear of failing is probably a reason for it.

I’ve often wondered why I procrastinate so much on trivial things whose negative sensory properties I can ameliorate (like doing the dishes). The habit of fear and avoidance is probably part of it.

But also, I might just be afraid of failing myself. After all, other people aren’t the only ones who have expectations. 

TL;DR

If you see someone of any age avoiding everything others want them to do, however innocuous, consider that it may not be defiance. They might just be terrified.

10/24/22

[ailinu]

eternally afflicted by taking important characters out of the story for the middle act. defining them in part by their absence. letting establishing relationships shift uncomfortably without them. curtailing their direct agency in the story and leaving them to contend with indirect means. which is good stuff.

however! this means that they're then absent for the middle act, which is a real bane for me when i'm obsessed with their whole deal and want them there.

[mihotose]

savoir faire is the representative skill for ultraliberalism -> speed boosts motorics (including savoir faire) -> ultraliberalism incentivises using speed -> you get people like marielle charpentier (the estate agent in the apartments) whos on preptides and can be found still working into the dead of night insisting that martinaise's economy will soon flourish