#god help me this is the first time i think ive ever gone off on main about it

[grollow]

Name!

Oh no

Oh no

Are you sure you want to activate this trap card?

*DEEP BREATH*

I am a SUCKER for cinematic foils and Grimm and Hollow are near perfect ones. Opposites in experience but with a lot in common.

I headcanon Grimm as EXCEEDINGLY loyal to people he cares about - which is also how I see Hollow - and the reason I see them working so well together is because of this, and because Grimm literally represents the antithesis of every Higher Being Hollow has ever met before. Add in that I believe Grimm is extremely patient in addition to being Older Than Dirt and you have a recipe for someone who can help work through the hurt and pain of the past while understanding it on a level a mortal bug probably never could.

Plus, as Divine says, fire and shadow dance together so prettily.

I got into Hollow Knight fanfics because one of the first things I ever saw was chipper-smol's artwork, one of the pictures of NKG with Pure Vessel, and I about *lost it* I was like "wait, this would be perfect because you KNOW they have nightmares, you KNOW it" and so I just. Very attached to them as a pairing.

I'm gonna stop myself here before I go off even more, but I really like "We have enough in common to understand each other but we are different enough that we can compliment each other well."

Black and red.

White and silvery-blue.

Yes yes yes yes yessss

[talaok]

Your hands around my neck

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: You choke Joel for the first time in bed, and he likes it... maybe even a bit too much.

Warnings: unprotected p in v sex, choking, premature ejaculation, kind of sub!Joel, dirty talk.

a/n: how ironic that lately ive been the most creative that ive been in months. right when writing should be the last thing on my mind.

You were on top of him, and his gaze was glued to you.

To your tits bouncing with your movements, to your parted mouth emanating desperate sounds, to your eyes shutting as you threw your head back, to your nails clawing at his chest, and to where your bodies became one.

He was mesmerized by you like he always was,

and while he lost himself in the pleasure you brought, in how fucking good you were making him feel, and how fuking perfect you looked doing it... he didn't catch the switch in your expression, the mischievous grin pulling at your lips, or the way your hands were suddenly traveling up his chest, until finally-

His eyes widened the moment your hands wrapped around his neck, putting just enough pressure for him to lose his mind.

A groan loud enough for the entire town to hear erupted from his chest, as pleasure so fucking deep into his core took over his body.

"You like that?" you taunted, biting down a grin as you kept bouncing on his cock

"fuck-goddamn-" he could only grunt, his head tilting backward, his eyes just about rolling to the back of his head as his chest rose and fell like he'd just come back to life.

He didn't know what any of this was. What this feeling, this ecstasy, this pleasure came from.

But god it felt good.

"You like having my hands around your neck baby?" you hummed, tightening your hold just enough to watch a needy cry flee his lips "you look so pretty like this" You smiled,

and fuck him, but Joel was gone. he was in another universe, he was in heaven, and he was-

he was about to come

"darlin-'" he tried to warn you

"shh" you stopped him "There's no need to talk now" you shook your head, lowering yourself until your mouth could ghost his "just take what I give you" you said, taking his bottom lip into your mouth and biting "you're doing so good for me baby"

Good Christ and heaven

His pride went flying out the window. Any shame, any embarrassment that he ever could have felt, dissipated into nothing as he heard himself whimper- as he moaned your name like a prayer... as his cock twitched into your cunt, painting your walls with his come.

"fuck-I'm sorry sweetheart-" he started apologizing immediately once he came back down from cloud nine and realized what had happened.

Only of course you were smiling like a kid as you freed his neck from your hold.

"you're sorry?"

"Yeah" he breathed, watching you closely as you moved some sweaty hair out of his forehead "I don't know what happened- I- I've never-"

"That was the hottest thing I've ever seen Joel" You cut him off "Did you like it?"

And at that, Joel couldn't help but chuckle

If it had been anybody else, he would have been mortified, he realized, but with you... there was no such thing

"I think the proof of how much I liked it is leakin' out of you as we speak, darlin'"

You giggled, your eyes trailing to where your bodies still joined, noticing exactly what he was talking about.

"Oh I'm gonna have so much fun with this" you murmured, both of you smiling like idiots as your mouth crushed with one another.

[stevestark]

Eddie only gets told snippets of everyone else's Upside Down experiences after Vecna, like, the sanitized version. The story told by each person but omitting the most personally traumatizing parts. Which means he doesn't know much about Steve and Robin Versus The Russians. Not in its full, gory detail.

So he doesn't think anything of it when Steve has a day off and wants to hang out, just asks if he minds coming with him to Indianapolis. Steve says yes immediately because he just doesn't want to spend another day alone in his big empty house, even if it means several hours in Eddie's deathtrap of a vehicle.

But then they get there and Eddie is parking outside a tattoo parlor and saying he got a last minute booking with his favorite artist and that he's so excited to cover some of the scars he has from the bats and Steve can barely hear him over the fuzziness that seems to be filling his entire brain.

He lets Eddie guide him into the shop, watches Eddie and the tattooist make small talk, follows Eddie to the table, sits on the stool next to him, and tries to look anywhere but at the tattoo gun.

Eddie doesn't notice at first, too jazzed about the idea he and the artist have come up with, blabbering about how he can finally take his shirt off at the lake again. It's not until the line work is done that he realizes Steve's breathing has gone shallow.

He asks the artist if they can take a smoke break before filling the tattoo in with color, and he gently takes Steve's hand and pulls him out back to ask what's wrong. Steve's too deep into a panic attack to answer, so Eddie just puts Steve on the side opposite his new work and pulls him in close, squeezing him as tight as he can and just gently shushing him, running his hand through Steve's hair.

After a few minutes, Steve's breathing easier, and Eddie asks him again if he's okay.

"I'm fine, I just... I hate needles. Ever since the Russians drugged me and Robin. Can't be around them."

Eddie frowns, realizing this must be one of the parts of the story he knows they were keeping from him. "Why did Russians drug you?"

Steve sighs, pulls out of Eddie's grasp, and sits on the ground against the back wall of the tattoo shop. "Dustin picked up a Russian transmission, summer of '85. We translated it, found their secret base under the mall, and realized they were opening the Gate back up. But then we were seen, and to buy time, Robin and I let ourselves get caught so Erica and Dustin could escape and get help."

Eddie sits next to Steve, their knees bumping. "Erica Sinclair? God, that kid really is the most badass of all of us."

"Yeah," Steve laughs. "Anyway, the Russians beat the shit out of me, asking who do you work for and shit like that. Didn't believe me when I said Scoops Ahoy. So they brought in this Doctor and he drugged me and Robin to get us to talk. Just straight up jammed a big ass needle full of mystery drugs into my neck. Ever since then, needles freak me the fuck out. They had to strap me down in the hospital just to get an IV in me when Robin insisted I get the bat bites checked out."

Eddie runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Steve. I never would've brought you here with me if I knew."

"I know," Steve says quietly. "'S'not your fault. I'm trying to get better at being open about things like this but it's just..."

"Hard. Yeah. I wake up screaming most nights, and I can tell Wayne feels bad because he doesn't know what to do. Because he doesn't know what's causing it."

"Yeah," Steve sighs.

They sit quietly out there for another ten minutes before the tattooist comes back out to see if Eddie wants to keep going, and he glances at Steve, sees the way he's gone pale and rigid, and shakes his head. "Sorry, man, think we're gonna have to pick this up another time."

Eddie stands, grabs Steve's hand and hauls him to his feet, and walks inside, never once letting go of Steve. He sets an appointment for a few weeks from now, on a day he knows Steve is working, and they leave the shop.

The second they're in the car, Eddie sees the color returning to Steve's face, and he drives aimlessly through the city, finally stopping at a combination bookstore/cafe.

"Come on then, big boy," he says with a teasing grin. "I do believe I promised to teach you about Hobbits."

[clxja16]

Enough

Part IV

Charles Leclerc X Wolff!Reader

Genre: Toto Wolff's Daughter Au!

Warnings: swearing, mentions of cheating

Word Count: 3.5K+

Author's Note: AHHHHH I think I'm done. well idk, if you guys want more, I could probably write one more. However I don't think anything will top the scene after Charles DNF in the Netherlands. I could literally talk about that scene for hours on end. I need to know what you guys think of that scene, because it's probably some of my best work ever. I hope you guys enjoy though. A lot of time and dedication went into this fic. Also this is in no way a reflection of these people in real life. This is not based on real life events. Nothing in this story is fact. This is a work of fiction, purely for entertainment purposes.

Part I, Part II, Part III

------------------------------------

“I cannot believe you,” Susie says after she hears the front door slam shut from you walking out.  She slightly shakes her head, as she looks to the gods, praying for strength.  The strength to not kill Toto at this moment.  

“Me? You can’t believe me? I cannot believe our daughter, does she even think about how the rushed marriage will look to the public?”  

“Toto,” Susie sighs, “you’ve gone too far.”  She doesn’t know how she can get him to understand that you’re not a little girl anymore.  “She’s chosen Charles, and you have to accept that already.” 

“But she could do so much better…” 

“She doesn’t want better,” Susie raises her voice in disbelief.  “Toto, she doesn’t want anyone else, she wants Charles.  That’s it, that’s the end of the discussion.”  Susie doesn’t know what more to say on the matter.  

“He’s going to hurt her…” 

“Toto, that is enough, just because you had an affair that ended your marriage, does not mean Charles is going to do the same!  Why can’t you see that?”  Susie doesn’t like that she brought up Toto’s affair but it must be said.  “Pack your stuff, you’re leaving for the Netherlands first thing in the morning.”  

“I don’t have to be there for a few more days…” 

“Well, then fucking go to the factory Toto!” Susie can’t handle it anymore, as she stands from the table, “I don’t want to see you, until you apologize to our daughter.  Hopefully before her wedding, so help me God.” 

-

Charles had left, around the same time that you had earlier that night to attend a work dinner.  He returned home after you and when he did, he found you on the bedroom floor surrounded by all the legal paperwork for the wedding.  He could see your eyes were red from crying, and he knew that it wasn’t from happy tears.  You were holding a white out pen and the paperwork to change your name stood out among the bunch.  

“Ma cherie…” 

“Hi,” you greet Charles with a weak tone, you couldn’t even look at him properly. 

“What happened?”  Charles moves the papers out of the way to take a seat next to, pulling your face to look at him.  He can see more tears roll down your cheeks.  

“Daddy asked if I was pregnant…” 

Charles' brows are furrowed together at your statement, “Why would he think that?” 

“Because…” you smile a sarcastic smile, “the only people who get married this fast are people who are knocked up.”  You cry, and laugh at the same time as you recall the evening to Charles.  You take a moment before you pull away from Charles, wiping away your tears.  “I don’t want anything more to do with my father.”  You grab the paper for the name change off the floor, and prepare the white out pen.  

Charles places his hand on yours stopping you from continuing, “maybe you should wait.”  Charles’ watches you carefully, he doesn’t want to say the wrong word, “just sleep on it for now.” 

You look up at Charles, and you can see his worry for you.  He doesn’t want you to make any decisions that you will regret later on.  You stare back at the name you have written across the paper, Wolff-Leclerc.  

-

The next morning you and Charles set out to drive to the Netherlands.  The drive surprisingly doesn’t take as long as you anticipate, time travels fast with Charles.  However when you do arrive at the hotel, you realize how much the drive took out of you.  The two of you pass out, practically right away, and you don’t wake up until the next morning.  By that time, you guys have to be at the paddock.  

You make it a point to showcase that you and Charles are together.  You arrive at the paddock with Charles, dressed in Ferrari red.  Part of you does this to spite your father, the other part of you does this because you want Charles to know you pick him over everything else.  While Charles is in the driver’s briefing with the FIA, you make a stop at the Mercedes motorhome.  

The motorhome is mostly empty, the majority of the team being in the garage at this moment.  However you knew your father would be in his office right now.  He scheduled all his online meetings with the factory at this time, because the motorhome was quiet.  When you make it to his door, you don’t hesitate to knock.  

“Come in,” he says, right away.  You walk in and hand him the letter in your hand.  You don’t say a word to him, you’re trying to make this as clean cut as possible.  He takes the letter from you, “what is this?” He asks as he begins to open it up. 

“My resignation letter, effective immediately.” 

“You’re resigning, what are you planning on doing with your life?” 

“I’m going to let Charles take care of me,” you lied to your father.  You tell him this, purely out of spite.  He always raised you to be able to take care of yourself.  His biggest thing was he never wanted you to rely on someone else.  So you tell him this, just so he can suffer.  You don’t stay to see his reaction, or hear anything more he has to say.  You eventually go on to spend the rest of the weekend avoiding him.  

-

You spend Sunday watching the race in the Ferrari garage.  The beginning of the race was chaotic to say the least.  You knew Charles was making his own calls, when the pit crew is yelling at each other, and no one seems to know what is going on.  You see Fred look at you, like you have an idea of what’s going on.  You’re too amazed that Fred can see this far back into the Ferrari garage, to even give a reaction to his stare.  

As you continue to watch the race, you know Mercedes messed up the strategy.  Especially when George had a good qualifying.  Then you noticed that Charles couldn’t keep up with the Haas, and you concluded that there must be a problem with his car.  When Ferrari does decide to retire him, you see him come out of his car.  You can tell by the look on his face that he’s not happy in the slightest.  He ignores you as he makes his weigh-in and goes straight to the media pen.  You look at Andrea, and you see him shake his head. 

You head to Charles' driver's room, knowing he would go straight there after the media pen.  It doesn’t take much longer, as you hear Charles’ heavy footsteps.  When he enters the room, he doesn’t say anything.  He shuts the door, and takes a deep breath.  Then he launches the water bottle he was holding across the room, the cap comes loose as it hits the wall, water splattering everywhere. 

He takes another deep breath, before saying, “sorry.”  Charles runs his hands over his face, he paces the room as he talks, “I know I fucked up the pit-stop, I didn’t give them enough time to grab the tires, before I came in.”  He doesn’t look at you as he talks, “that was my fault, I know that, but for fuck’s sake, they left me out there to get overtaken by Hulkenburg in a fucking Haas.”  Charles sighs, his shoulders drop, he doesn’t look like himself. He takes a heavy breath, now looking at you and he says, “I’m tired y/n.” Charles sits on the floor, instead of on the bench next to you.  He sits by your feet, leaning against your legs, resting his head in your lap.  He reaches up to hold your hand, and he repeats, “I’m tired.”  His head feels heavy in your lap, you place your hand on his head, playing with the ends of his hair, while your other hand continues to hold his. He looks straight on at the wall.  

“Just rest Charles,” you say, you’re not sure how you can comfort him at this moment.  “You can rest now.”

“Can I really?” He asks, as he looks up at you.  You can see how the season has weighed him down.  You slowly nod your head at him, and he closes his eyes.  You know that he doesn’t actually fall asleep, but the two of you stay like that for the rest of the race. You stay right there, in that same position, for Charles, for until he’s ready to move. 

When the race ends, Charles finally moves, he changes out of his race suit. He heard Pierre got promoted to P3, and insisted on staying to see the podium.  You see him put on a smile for his best friend.  You watch them make plans to celebrate Pierre’s podium after Monza, during the weekend they have off.  You watch Charles pretend he isn’t tired for his friend’s sake.  And you feel your love for him grow.   You love that he can be vulnerable with you, and you love that he will always be proud of those he loves accomplishments.  

-

As soon as the Dutch grand prix was over, you and Charles hopped on a flight to Milan.  The Italian grand prix was a home grand prix for Ferrari, so there were events all week long.  Charles’ schedule was packed through and through.  You don’t bother him with the wedding stuff, you allow him to focus on Ferrari this week.  

Susie comes out to Monza, and she helps you plan for the wedding.  Although it’s a small event, she insists on getting you a dress, maybe not your dream dress, but a nice dress nonetheless.  Charles is at the Ferrari Ray-ban event, while you and Susie are going through Milan, looking at several dress shops.  

You are in one particular shop, trying to pull a few dresses to try on, when you look at Susie and say, “thank you coming Mamma.” 

Susie can see as tears line your eyes, she knows that you and your father being at a cross like this hurts you.  “Of course sweetheart, I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” 

“I wish Daddy felt the same,” you say somberly, “has he said anything to you after that night.” 

Susie turns to look back at the dresses, “I-”  She pauses for a second, “I haven’t seen your father since that night.” 

“What do you mean, you haven’t seen daddy since that night?” 

Susie sighs, “I told him that I didn’t want to see him until he apologized to you, so I haven’t see him.”  

You can’t help but let out a cackle of a laugh.  You slap your hand over your mouth, catching yourself, as Susie looks at you wide-eyed.  “I’m sorry,” you say, as you begin to giggle some more, “I’m sorry, but that-”  You can’t contain your laughter at this point.  You know part of you is laughing to stop yourself from crying, but it feels so good to laugh.  And oh do you laugh, “that is too funny, you kicked daddy out of the house?” 

“Well,” Susie can’t help but to laugh at your reaction, “I had to sweetheart.”  She looks at you fondly, pushing your hair behind your ear, and you stop laughing.  “You didn’t deserve that from him,” she says seriously.  

You feel a few tears fall, “thank you Mamma.”  

Susie shakes her head, “now enough talk of your father, let’s focus on you sweetheart.”  She smiles at you, and you nod your head.  You try to push all thoughts of your father from your mind, focusing on the task at hand.  You and Susie spend the rest of the day shopping.  

-

Being in Italy does good for Charles, you can see it clearly on Saturday.  He qualifies in P3, but it makes him happy.  The fans make him happy.  And even though he didn’t really rest, he isn’t tired.  You watch him fondly from the Ferrari garage as he does the post qualifying interviews.  After he wraps up on Saturday, the two of you are walking back to his car to head back to the hotel.  You can feel the bounce in his step, how light he feels. 

“I love you,” you say, as you look at Charles, as the two of you walk. He stops, and looks at you.  His eyes full of love, as he displays a fond smile.  You take all of him in at this moment.  You can’t help yourself from falling deeper in love with him.  You’ll never love someone like you love him.  

“I love you too,” he says.  To anyone else it’s the same ‘I love you’s you said to each other over and over again, but to you, it’s so much more.   

-

It was another Sunday, another Grand Prix, and your second time watching from the Ferrari garage.  Although there is nothing technically different from the Mercedes garage, it all felt different.  Being at Mercedes it felt like a business, it felt like work. Mercedes was cold, it was calm, it was like a normal nine to five workplace.  While being at Ferrari it feels like passion.  You feel the desperation to be great like they once were.  You understand why Charles remains so loyal.  Being there, in the garage it makes you cheer for Ferrari.  You see them trying, you feel their need to win, and you want them to be great.  It only took two races, but you’re definitely a Ferrari fan.  

As you watched the race, you felt yourself constantly holding your breath.  Carlos was brilliant defending against Max, Checo and even Charles.  He drove to the absolute limit and you were amazed that he held onto the lead for as long as he did.  Charles drove the wheels off his car.  Going for ridiculous moves, and pushing it to the absolute limit every chance he got.  Although you must say, you felt like you were going to have a heart attack watching the last five laps.  Yet, when you saw the smile on Charles’ face after  the race, you think your almost heart attack was worth it.  

Watching them race makes you miss it even more.  Watching them push the car to the limit, to the extreme and hold it all together to bring it home, makes you itch to have that feeling under you.  When Charles makes his way back into the garage, after all of his requirements, he doesn’t waste any time in finding you.  He pulls and holds you close.  You let him, sweaty and all.  You can’t help but to just smile stupidly at him.  Seeing him this happy, makes you happy.  

“I know,” he smiles and drops his head bashfully, “I shouldn’t be this happy about P4, but I had fun.”

“I think you should be proud,” you say, making him look at you, “proud that you gave it your all, and you could give it your all.” 

Charles doesn’t need to say another word, as he pulls you in for a kiss.  

Toto was trying to meet Fred to discuss some things, when he sees yours and Charles' interaction within the Ferrari garage.  He witnesses the private moment, away from the crowds, from the cameras, from everyone else.  He sees you being deeply in love with Charles.  Toto has been watching you all weekend long, and last weekend too.  He knows now how much you love Charles.  He sees it now.  Toto can finally see what everyone else saw.  

“Charles,” Fred calls from across the garage, as he beckons for Charles.  You let him go, as he catches up with Fred.  At this time you notice your father standing there watching you.  

“Darling,” Toto calls out to you, as he steps closer.  

“Hi,” you say. 

Toto doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t know how to make this better, how to fix this.  He knows he messed this all up.  He knows it’s his fault.  He just doesn’t know where to start, when really there’s only one place to start. “I’m sorry.”  

You’re taken aback by your father’s apology.  You never expected him to actually apologize.  You thought that eventually you’d feel guilty enough to make up with your father.  

“I’m sorry, y/n.”  Toto repeats again, “I should have never suggested you were pregnant and that’s why you guys were getting married.  I know now that you really love this boy, and that he really loves you.”  

You smile, as you feel a few tears line your eyes.  This time you are certain they’re happy tears.  “Thank you daddy,” you say, as you hug your father.  And just like all the times when you were a little girl, your father has made all your problems go away.  

“Now,” Toto starts off, and he pulls back from you, “may I please come to your wedding, if it is still this Tuesday?” 

“I hope you do come,” you say genuinely.  

Just outside of the Ferrari garage, Charles and Fred watch you and Toto.  Fred shakes his head at your father for being so stubborn.  While Charles just smiles fondly, because now he sees you genuinely happy. 

-

After all the festivities, you remembered the news that you had to tell Charles.  Charles had just walked out of the bathroom, freshly out of the shower.  Towel in his hand drying his hair.  He sits on the edge of the bed, while you come up behind him, wrapping your arms around him.  Pressing your cheek against his shoulder blade.  

“I have something to tell you,” you say softly to Charles. 

“What is ma cherie?” Although you don’t see it, you can hear him smiling.  

“I got a call from Zac Brown,” you say.  Charles doesn’t need to hear more as he turns around to look at you excitedly.  “Apparently, someone has been constantly raving about me to his drivers,” you say knowing exactly who has been raving about you to Lando and Oscar.  “And his drivers keep telling him about it.”  You laugh as you see how excited Charles is to hear your news.  “Zac asked if I wouldn’t mind doing some simulator for Mclaren.” 

“Oh this is great news,” Charles says as he pulls you into a kiss.  

“I know it’s not really back to racing…” 

“But it’s a start.” 

“Yeah,” you smile, “It’s a start.” 

“I’m so happy for you,” Charles says, as he kisses you again.  You wrap your arms around his neck pulling him down.  Charles falls against you, planting more kisses over your face. 

“Thank you Charles.” 

Charles pulls away to look at you, “no need to thank me, I love to brag about my fiancée.” 

-

Today was finally the day.  Although it wasn’t a big or traditional wedding, there were certain things that your parents and Charles’ mom insisted you guys do.  Like how it was bad luck to see each other before the actual wedding.  So you were getting ready in your hotel room, while Charles and his brothers all got ready in another room.  

You tried to tell your parents that this wasn’t going to be a big event, that you would make it up to them and plan an actual wedding, however that all fell on deaf ears.  They fussed and doted on you all morning before going to the courthouse.  You look into the vanity mirror and behind you, you can see Susie and Toto.  In between fussing over you, they make up.  Your father apologizes and he makes amends.  Your mamma forgives and she loves continually.  The pieces of your family begin to slide back into place.  

As you make your way to the courthouse, Toto insists on walking you in.  You smile, allowing your father.  You wrap your arm around his, in front of you is Susie and Jack walks in first.  Just behind the door, there stands Charles.  His brothers by his side, all dressed in matching casual suits.  His mother stands just off to the side of them. You don’t know why but the sight has tears falling from your eyes, happy tears.  

“Ma cherie,” Charles exclaims as he sees you crying.  He comes up to you wiping away your tears with a smile, “no more crying already.” 

You giggle, you know a lot of tears have been shed these past few weeks.  “It’s happy tears, I promise.”  

Charles smiles at you.  At this moment, Toto unwraps your arm from his, and gives your hand to Charles.  He takes your hand, and both you and him look at Toto.  You know what this moment signifies, nothing more needs to be said.  

One thing about courthouse weddings, they are very efficient.  The officiant says what he needs to, you and Charles both say your ‘I do’s, kiss, and they announce you married.  “I now present the two of you married, as Mr. and Mrs. Leclerc.”  The officiant looks back down at his paper, “or I should say Mr. Leclerc and Mrs. Wolff-Leclerc.”  Your family and Charles’ family cheers at the announcement.  

-

While you and Charles took pictures down by the lake, your families watched on.  During the picture of you with your parents, did Toto whisper to you, “thank you.”  

“For what daddy?” you question, looking up at your father innocently.   

“For being proud to be a Wolff.” 

“I am your daughter,” you say, as you look back at the camera and smile.

------------------------------------

taglist: @christianpulisic10 @lunnnix @honeybunchiesofoats @catswag22 @lazybot @coffeewhore18 @siovhanroy @peachiicherries @pizzalover57 @livingnotthriving@noodleboyluke@mirrorball-6@elijahslover @luciaexcorvus@styles-sunflower @nosebeers @topguncultleader @janeholt3 @perfectmilkshakeruins @coffeewhore18 @ivegotparticulartaste

[kaeyapilled]

What are some fics that you think are must reads for kaeya fans?

TEEHEE okay i think i have rec'd most of these before when i was asked for fic recs some time ago but its ok. here are the most kaeya fics ever in my opinion !

clouds in a lake by VelleRue

“Pot of butter,” Kaeya mumbles beneath his breath, eyes roving over the words. Alone, the words wouldn’t be very special. The shapes and sounds don’t scare him as much anymore, not like they did when he was new and wore shoes with torn soles and only knew how to say, My father told me he was going to buy grape juice.

Together though, they sound like the orange-yellow light of the oil lamp flickering in the corner. They sound like sticky fingers and bread rolls. Like a dinner table of three.

Cake and a pot of butter.

this one is so bittersweet and melancholic and i love all the headcanons in it and the way it's written oughhh it's a great read!! short but really good

stubborn roots by alexithymias

Kaeya’s plan to end his life is interrupted when Rosaria asks him to take care of a plant for a few days.

this one is heavier so definitely pay attention to the tags but, oh my god. this rewired my brain SO violently. i adore the concept and the characterization is really on point. it is so painful in all the good ways i like stories to be painful. i really recommend it!!

I'm gonna miss your love when it's gone by imaginarypasta

A selection of scenes from Kaeya's childhood related to his relationships with his fathers, and all they have led him to be.

im pretty sure ive rec'd this before but this is like, one of my favorite portrayals of kaeya and his bio father ever. its just so good. so delightfully sad. a breath of fresh air from the common headcanon that his father was an evil asshole. the kaeya & crepus bits are also really good and i like the author's hcs about khaenri'ah/the abyss SO much

not bad for a walk on death's doorstep by b_attery

Fear is a knife’s edge. Fear is a killer. Fear is how you know you’re still alive. Kaeya Alberich, not yet Ragnvindr, knew how to fear before he knew how to talk. As the heir to the regency of a dead kingdom, a spy-in-training to be sent to the surface world, as the last hope of Khaenri’ah – there were many things to fear. And later, as the Cavalry Captain of Mondstadt and a traitor no matter what he chose, Kaeya Alberich ex-Ragnvindr knew that as long as he lived, he would be afraid.

i have definitely rec'd this one before. but i just really love it!!! my comment on the bookmark says "literally the best kaeya character study i have ever read" and yeah that still holds up. shaped a lot of my kaeya hcs. i love this author

Hundred-Watt Light by pepperjuice

The first time the thought occurs to Kaeya he is eleven years old. Well, that’s not exactly true. It had been twisting in the back of his head for a long time, already. Formless and unspoken, an ever-present awareness, a whisper. But the first time it rings in his head, put in words, bright and shiny and just behind his eyes—

He is eleven. *** A story about ten years of contingency plans and holding your own hand. (Because how else are you supposed to live with a weight too big to hold all alone?)

OH I MUST HAVE REC'D THIS LIKE THREE TIMES BUT THIS IS REALLY A MUST READ. first of all heed the tags because it touches quite heavy topics! but this entire concept is SO interesting to be explored in kaeya's character and this author does it SO well..... this is one of my favorite fics, like, ever, lmao. absolute kaeya must read To Me

Lamellae by scripturient

A slowish movement in a discordant key, wherein Kaeya has bitten off rather more than he can chew and needs significant help; meanwhile, malady exposes buried memory and dread. A limited plot from a limited point of view which dabbles in themes of pain, trust, angst, conflict, and betrayal. Not quite a character study.

the writing style in this one is SO cool, i love it! non-linear narratives are my thing, i never get tired of it. and the whump in this is so good.. i like whump fanfiction, lol. the combination of characters in this is really fun as well, though everything is told from kaeya's very disoriented point of view. anyway, amazing exploration of his character!! the next work in this series, The thaw that comes in springtime (plus the next next work!), is also really good and i loved it, particularly the ragbros bit lol. another must read!

undertow / oversight by MercuryPoisoning

In which Kaeya gets by with a little help from his friends.

another one i feel ive rec'd before, but i love it. really good characterization!! especially his relationship with diluc!!! really good read. i love this author's stuff a lot lol. (bonus by the same author, and another one i consider a must-read even though it's still in progress and also way heavier than most of the previous recs: sleeping marble lion! i really like the writing style and the concept!!! pay attention to the tags but trust me it's a delightfully gut wrenching one<3)

whew. i think i have a few more i could have added here. i just went through my bookmarks lol i have read a decent amount of kaeya fanfiction. hope these are to your liking!!! fic rec'ing is one of my favorite activities

[mags-writes]

Sunlight || Part III

Summary: frank offers his shoulder for you to cry on

Series Warnings: canon typical violence, canon typical swearing, first time writing x reader, no use of y/n, no beta readers we die like ray nadeem

Pairing: frank castle x fem!reader

PROLOGUE/MASTERLIST || PART I || PART II || PART III || PART IV

Three weeks had gone by. Three weeks of you and Frank dancing around each other while trying not to tip off Matt that there was something going on.

But was there? Frank seemed so in control over every fiber of his being that you doubted anything was actually going on. Then there were the days that he got home before Matt. He would stand behind you, towering above you, and give your shoulders a rub with his rough hands. He handled you like glass, like if he moved too suddenly you'd bleed. He'd help you cook dinner and tell you how beautiful his lunch was that afternoon, that the only thing missing was your company. He'd pick up when you started getting a cramp in your hand from cutting up enough vegetables for three people and rub his thumbs in soothing circles to make it go away. Then Matt would walk through the door.

Something was going on. That was for sure, even if you doubted it sometimes.

The first time you saw Matt leave the apartment in the middle of the night, you kept your breathing even and didn't move a muscle. You weren't surprised when Frank's phone woke you up a couple hours later and he left in a hurry as well. The next day when you woke up to Matt with a frozen bag of green beans to his jaw, you scolded him like an older sister. The topic of Daredevil had never come up in your mind until then. You didn't know if it was even him to start off with and if it was then who else knew? Did Foggy and Karen know like back in your dimension? Did Frank?

Matt lied straight through his teeth with a guilt-ridden expression. He fell down the stairs. Allegedly.

Other Matt tried that lie once. Only once. Before you ripped him a new asshole. And it led to you becoming his girl in the chair. It also led you to own your own firearm after some kidnappings put you in the hospital once the bad guys found out Daredevil was running around with an earpiece.

You stopped what you were about to say, Frank rounding the corner after hearing your voice echo through the apartment. You took a deep breath and accepted the gracious gift of hindsight.

"If you're lying to cover up the fact that you got punched by someone-" You were about to start a rant again when Frank chuckled.

"Who'd be cruel enough to punch a blind guy?" He said, coming closer and taking the bag off of Matt's face. "What'd you do? Fall down some stairs again?"

Oh.

Oh, Frank knows. That's why he calls Matt 'Red'.

You willed yourself for the love of god to play it dumb. Like you didn't just put the pieces together. One man before you was blind, but despite being a walking lie detector, he wouldn't be able to see your face. The other, while he admitted to being dense, could read people better than you could ever hope to.

"Whatever," You mumbled, throwing your hands up and going around them both to start your normal routine of making your coffee that had been laid out by Frank and making them lunch. "Bro code, I get it."

"Sweetheart-"

"No, it's fine." You interrupted because if you didn't then you'd fold like a lawn chair. "Have each other's backs. That's what friends are for."

You heard Frank sigh and one of them walk away.

"Hey," Frank said, putting both of his hands on your shoulders and coaxing you to turn around. You put up a little fight, stirring your coffee before Frank put more pressure and you relented with your eyes down. "Hey, hey. Look at me, hm? Look at me."

You huff, snapping your eyes up with a hint of anger.

"He forgets I know what it looks like when he lies." You said.

"Okay, so what do you think happened?" He calmly asked, and you knew exactly what he was doing.

"I don't know!" You brought your hands up in front of you. "But it's the same shit excuse the other Matt gave me every time he showed up with a beaten-up face and a limp."

Frank frowned, probably turning over the question of why Matt hadn't told you his secret.

"When did your Matt become 'other' Matt?" You froze, not expecting that question in the slightest.

You stuttered, stumbling over your words, starting a sentence and breaking off at the first word before shutting your mouth and intently looking at his chest. It wasn't hard, he was tall enough that you fit perfectly under his chin and your head rested against his chest.

You took in a sharp breath. "I don't want to go back." Frank reached out, putting his hands on your biceps, squeezing comfortingly and you brought yours to his chest, scrunching the material of his work shirt in tight fists. "All of you take for granted how safe you are here. You don't get it, I've looked up all the bad guys from my dimension, and nine out of ten times they're not here. I'm safe here."

"What about your Matt?" Frank asked, frowning like he didn't quite get it. "He's like your brother."

You look back at him at that. Matt was in his room, most likely listening in. If you said what you wanted to say then he would hear. You stuttered slightly again, getting frustrated that you couldn't get the words out.

"He doesn't see it that way." You finally got out, avoiding Frank's eyes again and you lowered your voice as tears started to gather. "He's been more Catholic whore than having Catholic guilt these days. He went through Clair and Karen and nothing's been the same since. I turned him down and I thought that we had moved passed it but right when I was brought here he brought up the topic again. I-Frank, I'm not safe there-I don't want-"

You started to cry then, sniffling and fighting off the tears as hard as you could.

"Hey, hey." Frank soothed, putting his hand behind your head and bringing you to his chest, rubbing your back with the other hand. "It's okay, doll. You don't wanna go, you don't have to."

"What if he shows up? What if he comes here and-"

"I won't let him." He squeezed tighter. I won't let him take you from me. "I won't let him make you do anything you don't wanna do."

Frank nearly sighed in relief when he remembered he was supposed to be convincing you that Matt wasn't Daredevil. Your use of 'other Matt' had thrown him so harshly that he couldn't stop his curiosity. He wondered for a moment that if you had been hiding that detail from them all then what was it like with Karen and Foggy?

You pulled back suddenly, wiping at your face and groaning for a second before shaking your head and looking up at him.

"Okay. I'm fine." You said. "Go drink your shit coffee." You started lightly pushing him away. "Go, I've got lunches to make."

Frank took a hold of your hands with a small smile, giving the upside of your palms a kiss each to the scars you refuse to tell him about that sat in the middle. Your face softened at that. A small smile fought its way to your face as he then leaned in to kiss your forehead. You had to quickly turn back to your coffee at the look he gave you, a look that he had been giving you more and more frequently, especially around Matt.

Not long later you finished up their lunches and they were sitting on the couch waiting patiently for you to bring it to them before they left. Just as usual you walked over to Matt first, him reaching out for the container and putting it in his bag then you moved to Frank who did the same. This time Frank stood first, giving you another kiss on the forehead and saying his goodbyes which confused you as Matt was usually the first out the door.

You cast a look down at Matt who by now was twiddling his thumbs as he waited for Frank to leave. Once the door was closed and Frank's heavy steps had faded he stood up.

"I'm sorry about before." He said earnestly, and you knew he was telling the truth. "I didn't mean to stress you out."

"I just-" you cut yourself off, pausing and thinking for a moment, remembering that he had absolutely heard everything you tearfully confessed to Frank. "I don't want you to lie to me."

"And I don't want to lie to you." He came forward, bringing you into a hug that you went into comfortably.

"Does it have something to do with a case?" You asked into his chest. "Are you in danger? Do we need to call the police?"

"I'll explain everything to you tomorrow night." He said as if he had just decided it at that moment. Like he was desperate to make you happy. "I promise."

He kissed the top of your head. Memories of your brother's all doing the same rushing to the surface of your mind. Memories of Matt doing the same when you were growing up. You never told him your brothers did that, never told him what it meant for him to do it. Never told him that other Matt had stopped.

"I'm not going to be coming home tonight." He said, pulling back.

"What?" You frowned harshly and he could hear it in your voice making him wince.

"Tomorrow night, remember?" He put both of his hands on your shoulders to calm you. "I just have to take care of some things tonight and hopefully it'll be sorted by tomorrow."

"And if it's not?"

"Then you'll hear about it." He said with a smile.

"What? On the news?" You said stressed again.

Matt laughed, bending down to pick up his bag.

"Let's hope not." Was his answer.

[xflippinfrogx]

Hiii i love your ficsss🤍🤍

could you write a lee regulus fic?? he's one of my favorite characters too!!!

Sorry if something is written wrong I don't speak English well so I'm using the help of the translator

When we were younger

A/N~ AGH YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG IVE WANTED TO WRITE LEE REGULUS!! You didn’t give me much prompt so I played around a little hehe. I hope you like it :D (P.S your English is perfect my dear!!)

LEE~ Regulus Black

LER~ Sirius Black

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~ 💙THIS IS A TICKLE FIC IF YOU DONT LIKE DONT READ💙

Regulus was in a bad mood.

This wasn’t a very uncommon event but it seemed to be worse than his usual brooding and his friends were starting to notice.

“Regulus, are you alright mate?” Barty asked, finally giving in to Evan and Pandoras looks of concern.

“I’m fine.” He snapped glaring at him. He felt bad for being so rude but he had bigger problems right now..

The quidditch final was coming up soon and with him being seeker there was a lot of pressure on him to do his best.

On top of that he had, had the worst day. Everything that could’ve gone wrong, went wrong.

This morning he spilt his breakfast all over himself and knocked his tea into someone else’s in the process.

On the way to his first class he accidentally walked through Nearly headless Nick. During his second he realised he had forgotten the homework and then received double for that night.

Finally, at the end of the day when he believed his bad luck was over his idiotic classmate blew up their potions project and they now had to start from scratch.

All Regulus wanted to do was sit in the common room and be angry. As much as he appreciated his friends for caring about him, he isn’t the greatest at showing it.. So scowling at the floor it is.

At least that was his plan until his brother showed up.

“There’s my favourite brother!!” Sirius exclaimed, perching himself on the arm of the sofa Regulus sat upon.

“I’m your only brother Sirius.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “What are you all grumpy about huh? Barty said you were getting snappy, everything ok Reg?”

“I said I’m fine!!” He spoke through gritted teeth. Why was everyone so interested in bothering him today?

“Well that’s the biggest lie I’ve ever heard.” Sirius mumbled moving closer to his brother.

“Look, if you’re just gonna sit here all doom and gloom I’m going to have to resort to drastic measures.”

God he’s dramatic. What was he on about anyway??

The others were still in the room and were as confused as Regulus.

“What do you mean drastic measures?” Evan piped up.

“Well my dear Rosier, when we were younger and Reggie here was in one of his moods I had my ways of making him smile.” Oh shit.

It all came rushing back to him now. Memories of laughter and so called tickle monsters. He was panicking, he couldn’t let his friends see that. No way. He had to get out of there before Sirius could embarrass him.

Sirius knew exactly what Regulus was thinking and as he attempted to bolt for the door Sirius tackled him to the ground.

“Sirius get off!! This is childish-” He was cut off by wiggling fingers reaching his sides.

He clamped his mouth shut refusing to give Sirius the satisfaction. Sirius wouldn’t give up that easily though.

“You and I both know who’s going to win here little brother, you might as well give up now and save the us the hassle.” He could see Regulus was close to breaking but that boy was stubborn as hell.

He used one hand to lift his arms above his head using the other to continue his ticklish onslaught.

“Regulus you leave me no choice.. You asked for this” He smirked shoving both hands under his brothers arms.

For the first time in what felt like forever, Regulus cackled.

He completely lost it, loud and boisterous laughter erupting from his chest.

Sirius grinned so wide he thought his face would split in two. Seeing Regulus like that was so rare nowadays, he was soaking up every last giggle while he still could.

“Are you gonna stop being so angry at the world?” Sirius teased poking at his ribs.

“YEHEHEHES” Regulus was so worn out from laughing that all he could do was oblige.

“Annddd who’s the greatest brother of all time?” He slowed the attack to hear the younger boys answer.

“You’re soho duhumb.” He giggled through heavy breathing.

“That’s not an answer.” He stated rapidly squeezing his sides again.

“OKAY OKAHAHY IHITS YOUUU!! PLEAHSE SIRIUHUS!!” He begged throwing his head back in hysterics.

“That’s more like it,” he laughed ruffling regulus’ hair.

What the two brother failed to remember was that there were three slytherins standing watching this whole scene play out.

They would tease Reg about this later but for now they’d leave the two have their moment. After all it was nice to see their friend smiling for once.

Just like when they were younger<33

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

[amumandherthoughts]

The birth story.

This is a long one..

I was 41 weeks and 3 days pregnant when I had my last 'normal' appointment with the midwife team. It was then that they told me if I hadn't naturally gone into labour in 2 days, then they would have to induce me.

Not exactly what you want to hear with your first pregnancy. Lots of people tell you lots of stories and how induction can be more intense or it was the best labour they'd ever had. Whatever, everyone is different, so I took it all with a grain of salt and hoped for the best.

2 days went by and I had my next appointment where the midwife and Drs recommended a 'Cook's Catheter'. To try and prompt my body to do its thing without the need for an IV.

Well I came back the next morning and still no labour! Shit. I was going to have to be induced.

Ok, so I'm in the birthing unit ready to go (and completely terrified but trying to hold it together).

They take out the Cooks Catheter and I'm 4cm dilated. Great! Almost half way there!!

The nurses broke my water, put the IV in and the contractions began.

Holy shit.

To quote my mum- "they don't call it labour for nothing." Boy, was she right. I had all the pain from my contractions in my lower back, and it was excruciating!

I'd never had anything hurt as much as those bloody contractions! No one told me as much, but I presume my baby was posterior because of all the back pain.

I was using heat pack after heat pack. Having my husband massage my back as hard as he could and it still barely helped! I was using the gas, which I think mainly just helped keep my breathing under control...

After 5 hours, I was ready to up the ante - I asked the nurse for the next step in pain management - Endone.

Well, all of the people who say Endone is the best are all fucking liars. It didn't take any of my pain away, just made me super drowsy and want to fall asleep even during a contraction!

Right, so by this time, I'd had the IV induced contractions for roughly 12 hours, and every time the nurse did an internal exam, my cervix was at 4 cm. There was no change! I could have cried! Well.. I did! And I was exhausted!!!

So the reason it took so long to get to this point was because every time I contracted my baby's heartbeat was waver and so the nurses couldn't increase the hormones to get me to dilate more/faster. They turned it off for a short time, and bub was all good, but then they turned it on, and the heartbeat wavered again.

So the Dr recommended an emergency ceasarean section due to failed to progress. Meaning my body didn't do what it was supposed to and bub couldn't come out!

I was ok with having a caesar, that part honestly didn't bother me. It is what it is and the team I had were incredible.

I had an epidural, which was heaven! For about half an hour. Until it made me vomit and bubs heartbeat wavered again and I needed to lay on my side. Well then the anaesthetic drained to the side didn't it and I started feeling the contractions down the other side again! This certainly wasn't what I expected when they gave me an epidural.

Ok, so after this, we headed to surgery. We're talking 17hrs after being induced now.

I'd never had any sort of surgery in my life. Only ever had mild local anaesthetics!

So when they numbed my torso and down it was the weirdest feeling. So see my legs being moved but unable to feel it. I hated it.

And then, being in the ice-cold theatre, thank God I had my husband by my side because I was downright terrified.

Terrified of feeling pain (which I didn't)

Terrified of the surgery (I would visualise it and freak out)

Terrified something bad would happen to me (haemorrhage or have tools left inside)

Terrified most of all that I wouldn't hear my baby cry.

During the surgery I kept vomiting and felt gross as fuck. The lovely nurse suctioned the vomit from my mouth and all was well.

Bub was taken out, and he cried! So I cried in relief! I can't tell you how much relief I felt about that. He had a bit of a hard time breathing, so I couldn't hold him, and he had to go up to special care. My husband went with him, and I went to recovery (where I slept for 2 hours, apparently!!)

I was then taken to the maternity ward and special care unit to see my bub. So surreal being able to see and touch him! Still no cuddles yet though because he was on the breathing apparatus.

I was wheeled back to maternity and tried to sleep. Though that was difficult being so very numb and worried about tearing stitches or whatever else might've gone on down there.

Thus, my baby boy was born, and I am still emotional remembering these happenings. Very emotional.

It was traumatic and downright awful. Will I do it again? Yes, because it's a small drop in the ocean for what I now treasure more than anything.

[thesherrinfordfacility]

Wait, what is the "batshit Jim is Jesus" theory, please? Because I have thoughts and I thought I was the only one thinking them

hi hello!!!💕 oh god okay where do i begin

tbh this is largely pure speculation, but something that i can genuinely see happening to the extent of attempting to write a fic about it but to be specific, i think some kind of fuck-up happened in heaven, and an amnesiac jesus has managed to wind his way inside jim, in the place of gabriel.

im gonna try to keep this as tight as possible but bear with me:

it kinda started with the thought that the second coming will have gone wrong in s3. and the subsequent thought that a reason why everyone is left floundering is because they lose jesus. and they might have lost jesus because he's already come to earth. getting biblical with it, both matthew 24:36 and 24:43-44 kinda solidified this for for me - if we accept that GO will continue to play around with scripture.

perhaps a bit of confirmation bias, but the rest of matthew 24 was also interesting, particularly when you consider the signs of the second coming as matthew warns:

24:27: For just as the lightning comes from the east and flashes as far as the west, so will the coming of the Son of Man be.

24:40: At that time there will be two men in the field; one will be taken and one will be left.

24:41: Two women will be grinding at the mill; one will be taken and one will be left.

and there's then the other apocalyptic elements of war, and famine, trials and tribulations, that are meant to herald the second coming - which is what i think potentially could end up being the backdrop for s3 (ie. the second coming has happened, and it just so happens to coincide with the world going to hell in a hand basket. literally). after all, jim's ep3 monologue was certainly posed as a prophesy of sorts, not a recollection.

then take into account the deleted scene where there was meant to be a prophetic dream(?) sequence of the bookshop being the only thing left standing in an apocalyptic wasteland. idk if it was ever confirmed...(?), but im reasonably certain that that dream would have belonged to jim.

there are also a lot of background elements that indicate that people have started to go missing. whether that's linked or not, idk, but seems interesting... like they've been raptured.

so then my thoughts turned to - well, does that mean, for whatever reason (heavenly user error, escape, god messing around etc), that jesus is now roaming around on earth? or has something gone wrong there too? possibly, bc then i remembered the opening jim scene, and the rest of his appearances in the show.

a lot of jesus imagery. especially imagery of the crucifixion.

the first shot of 2023 coming down from the clouds, and jim descending from heaven in the lift, tomatoes symbolising spilled blood, crowd gathered to watch the spectacle, seeks out sanctuary in the bookshop (eden).

quotes his mother in a tongue-in-cheek manner ("who told you i was naked?"), "but you know Me, you recognise Me" / "i know Someone who looks like You" (re: john 14:9-11), dresses his blanket in a very 'biblical' way, like a robe.

is very eager to help and is very kind, has an affinity for books and stories (themselves possibly representing the tree of life/the concept of immortality), offering out of food for free (ref to feeding the five thousand or the last supper, take your pick!!!), sacrifices himself for the shopkeepers meeting, arms outstretched etc.

im sure there's loads ive missed out, but these are the ones off the top of my head!

there's also the lovely callback to gabriel being the messenger to mary etc. aziraphale, if we accept him to parallel israfil, may be the angel to herald the second coming, but the fact that gabriel inadvertently is kinda the one to deliver it? brilliant

and lastly, because this promo image still has me floored: jim walking on water. and i cant really think of any discernible reason why the water would be included otherwise, other than to allude to jesus:

now that im fairly convinced about the What - as far as i can be with a tinfoil-hat, crackpot theory anyway - but now it's more about trying to figure out the How. these will be piecemeal bits that will join up together, so hang on there:

what seems to be clear is that jesus (if we accept jesus = jim) does not have his memory. he has no idea who he is, and this stays pretty consistent and believable throughout the season. there's a moment ive referenced plenty of times before, but it's so important imo:

(contd) which tells me a couple of things - main thing for me being that not only is memory erasure a canonically confirmed concept, but the suggestion of using the heavenly pda to access gabriel's memory suggests it's somewhat digitised... almost like it's a file that could be deleted or moved. but it potentially seems like that can only happen when someone is in heaven. and is it different for angels vs humans? or - if we accept the idea that jesus = god - a deity?

as for jesus not remembering something - maybe it was an error in the system that made him move into the gabriel real estate? and lose his memory in the process, by some kind of file corruption?

another thing is the issue with power in hell, namely that things seem to be going a bit sideways. the lesser demons are on half rations, and the whole outfit is severely understaffed. ive explored it more here, but it seems that whichever way you look at it, humans may not actually be in heaven. so, if human souls aren't being looked after by angels, where are they? my thought is similar to the above gabriel file thing: that human souls are being stored in the system* somewhere, awaiting 'upload' once heaven has finally defeated hell, and the kingdom hath in fact come.

*this then led me to the thought that maybe the system itself is the book of life, but that's a slight aside/only tangentially relevant.

so perhaps the corrupted jesus' 'file' somehow got uploaded to gabriel when he transferred himself into the fly? and maybe the box has something to do with it? idk.

it would also make sense for the 25-lazarii miracle. there was a lot of emphasis that aziraphale and crowley held hands with jim, and the effort it took to 'hide gabriel' was like a mini-nuke detonating. but a) its an interesting choice to refer to the miracle unit of measurement as a lazarus (and smaller denominations), and b) gabriel was in the fly - but they were holding hands with someone. so, for me, it's sensical that perhaps the issue in s3 is that not only has jesus come early, but they've inadvertently hidden him... an apt mirror to adam in s1. and if jesus is still somehow knocking about in gabriel in s3, it's a good narrative excuse to bring him and beelzebub back.

im going to stop rambling there but i may well come back and add bits - alternatively, if ive missed stuff, feel free to add!!! but! that's where im kinda at with the theory that the second coming has already come, and it's come somehow in the form of gabriel 🥰

[signalterminated]

puella madoka magica au

Reality is coming down around them.

II can feel the fabric of it warp and bend, tears carved at a molecular level spilling antimatter across the sky. A kaleidoscope of color shimmers high above them like a bursting star. Scattered infrared trickles down as particulate, psychedelic nuclear fallout. The taste is akin to pop rocks candy mixed with battery acid. It fizzles on the tongue. Nauseating like a free fall, that split second suspension before a roller coaster drop.

II hasn’t been on a roller coaster since he was a teenager. He breathes out slowly, trying to orient himself in the non euclidean geometry reshaping the ruins around them, spreading like an infection. 

To say they’ve fucked up is an understatement.

They were fools for thinking they could bring Sleep through to the other side. As if they could contain the endless possibility of a thing not meant to be contained, not meant to walk or float or do anything other than be. Oh, He had wanted, yes, and wanted so badly, but He’d been unable to conceive of what that wanting truly meant. How do you picture a color that doesn’t exist, the inversion of everything you are?

It turns out neither had they. They’d simply listened to the want that throbbed in their bones like an ache, trusting blindly that a god would have figured it all out already, gifting them glory and ascension with His emerging as promised. 

But collapsing the barrier between domains hadn’t brought anything other than the collapsing, and now III and IV are gone. 

The First Vessel writhes at his side, and this concerns him more than anything else. 

II musters what energy he has to lean over, chewing his lip to pieces, hands hovering over his beloved friend but unsure of where to place them. This wasn’t supposed to happen. III and IV’s demise, the agony The First displays as he claws at the ground, it's all a composite of every nightmare he’s ever had — only pinching himself won’t make it stop.

“What’s wrong?” II’s voice is tight with worry bubbling over into panic. How quickly helplessness can chew away at his resolve and leave him scrambling. “Please, tell me how I can help.”

Vessel’s throat strains but the only thing he can manage is a whimper. He’s jerking side to side as if he’s trying to hold on, or…no, like he’s trying to keep something in. Fighting back an invisible force raging within.

II’s blood goes cold. His hand darts out to cup a masked cheek, calling out his name yet again, pleading with him to hold on, to focus on his voice, please, he’s right here — 

Vessel’s body snaps upward like a stop motion marionette. II barely has time to register the crack of snapping bones before Vessel’s jaw drops open to let out a scream unlike anything he’s ever heard. It lances directly through II’s skull, pure anguish amplified into a sonic tidal wave that has him drawing his arms up on instinct. 

Thinking past that noise is impossible. It echoes off of shattered glass and rubble until II’s certain the whole world will be swallowed by it. It’s like his soul is being dissolved while he’s still breathing, a violent disintegration of being. A blur of opalescent darkness arcs up from him and shoots into the sky like a bolt of cosmic lightning.

The First Vessel is dying. Sleep is dying, too. 

What’s reborn from their desiccated husks is neither man nor god. Misshapen, malnourished, desperate to exist yet unable to bend to the laws of the universe it’s been thrust into. It cries and the air around it emits superheated vapor, blowing out then turning in on itself to form localized vacuums. The dreams of countless minds spill out from a shifting sea of mouths all caught muttering and giggling and sighing and sobbing, vomiting blurs of sound and light that II can’t bear to look at. They morph and tremble, uncertain now that they’re free, painting the landscape in shadows wherever they crawl.

The ground around them is starting to grow teeth.

“Why?” II can barely hear himself over the cacophony rising from the apocalypse in motion. Tears spill down his cheeks and crystallize. “I don’t understand.”

The thing that is not god or a man is laughing. 

“Why did this have to happen?”

The thing that is not a god or a man is weeping.

Black tar is gurgling underneath him, rising like a tide. Hands sprout from the muck to latch onto his limbs and drag him down with exponential speed. He doesn’t fight it. His head is still craned to the sky, to what remains of the man he loves, and he closes his eyes to pray for one last wish. 

This can’t be how it ends. If he could just turn back the clock he’d stop this from ever happening, do things right, save all of them, he could he could he could —

He opens his eyes to a white ceiling and an alarm blaring in his ears. It figures the afterlife would be noisy and...familiar? That's the word. There's an uncomfortable warmth radiating from the soft sheets beneath him and the duvet above, body heat trapped between both after hours of rest. A mundane discomfort.

Wait a second.

He violently kicks off the sheets tangled around his sweaty legs and slams his palm on the snooze button, heart at a gallop. Dull blue light leaks through the cheap venetian blinds at his window.

His window. This is his room, in his flat, in…

He scrambles for the smartphone left precariously at his bedside table, tapping it on. The date on the lockscreen is January of 2016.

Oh, shit.

Either his brain has just taken him on the longest, most wickedly lucid nightmare of his entire life, or he’s been granted a miracle. 

[olkarrion]

hey i saw the post about tics and i am a minor so im not gonna follow or anything but i did want to leave a little message. u dont have to answer if u dont want to!

im gonna be honest. i dont know where the fuck my own tics came from. they just kinda.. slowly developed. i dont know if that's normal. but they havent.. gone away. for a long time i was scared i was somehow faking it. i dont.. know why id be faking it. like they're annoying LOL. its taken a lot of time for me to come to terms with the fact that i just.. have tics. and theyre real. and there's nothing "wrong" about me.

like i dont owe anyone an explanation, yk?? thats none of their business.

but yeah, i experience simple motor tics. theyre mostly in my back and neck and shoulders. i also have premonitory sensations/urges/whatever the word is

ive had people ask me about them. i dont mind that much as long as they treat me the same after too. god i hate when they give me the pity look!!

but yeah. that's my story. i know its not anything all that special. but it means a lot to me to just. idk. know there's other people out there and to hear their experiences. i hope you have a nice day / night :]

First off, I wanted to say thank you for sending this anon, and for respecting my boundaries.

Secondly, I wanted to thank you for telling me your story. It's special to me that there are people out there that my own stories and experiences might help.

The first time I ever noticed I was ticcing I was 6 years old. My mom had pointed out I'd been widening my eyes and rolling them without me noticing. On the way to the doctor I remember secretly hoping to myself I had tics, thinking they were something that made me "special".

When I was in 3rd or 4th grade, I made the decision to stand up in front of my class and explain to everyone what tics were, and why I was rolling my eyes and flexing my hands all the time.

In middle school, my tics got so bad that I couldn't hold a pencil or even feed myself properly because they were so bad. I was openly mocked, belittled, and abused for my disorder. I was hit, called slurs, pushed down the stairs, and more. My father, who thought I was faking, told me that "bullying builds character" when I told him.

I left school 2 weeks before the year ended. The next year, I broke my leg bending down to pick up a sock, crippling me for life. I felt worthless, and defeated. I gave up on myself completely.

In highschool, I stood up in the middle of class to tell a boy to "shut the fuck up" because he was pretending to tic like I did. The entire class went silent. I sat down, turned to the teacher, and told her to continue. I was never repremanded.

When my tics were loud during class, I told people to turn the fuck around and pay attention.

When strangers stare in public, I meet their eyes until they look away.

At 21, I have people my age telling me that my story matters to them. Having tics can suck. But they are your tics, and this is your life.

You are completely fucking right, there is nothing wrong with you. I hope you never surpress your tics in public. I hope you show up to every movie theater and quiet classroom with a head raised high. I hope everyone with tics learns to love themselves the way that they deserve. I hope able bodied people learn to mind their own fucking business for once.

[cybermeep]

attended graduation. surprisingly cried less than i was anticipating, at least during the event. cried a bit afterwards, mix of realization & fear of not being able to get home safely. i did, luckily… my mother eventually came. wore a suit & tie, specifically the tie my friend gifted to me. heated up like a car in front of the sun. brought a drink since i knew if i didnt id maybe faint because of heat exhaustion. more likely nausea.

sat with an acquaintance, rambled to her. felt sick during most of the ceremony. almost puked, uh… three times. nerves hit like a brick wall. literally. nauseous because of nervousness. wanted to yell & holler but i dont have the voice for that. simple quiet ‘yay’ syllables had to suffice. brought sheldon & wiffle & chiquitito. gave chiquitito a bath before i left. got ready an hour or so early. sat outside & looked at birds in the meantime

in an ideal world i am very smart & funny & talented & talk to everyone & perfect. in an ideal world i dont get so worried my body physically shuts down. in an ideal world, i would be able to say something as simple as, “oh my gosh, i’m so happy for you! take care!” without bile festering. i try to live in this ideal world, try to be the best i can, but ive learned this is really really hard for me to do because frankly i am quite stupid. i know this is a haha funny joke 70% of the time but if i actually start gagging on nothing i know it’s probably a bad sign and i should stop overworking myself lest i actually do puke. it would not be very appealing to throw up in front of a plethora of my peers & their families. god…..

don’t even.. don’t.

[head in hands]

fine. FOR THE SAKE OF JOURNALISM! nothing else.

“I FUCKING— I HATE THEM. SO MUCH. I’M SORRY, I KNOW THATS MEAN—“

mother & other party member: “ITS NOT MEAN.”

[still reeling from remnants of stomach acid (as i did not eat anything in the morning when i took my meds which probably doesnt help this, although i didnt wanna eat then puke up whatever food it was i ate there either)] “I’M JUST— UGH! I’M SO FUCKING, I’M SO MAD.”

snippet of conversation. back seat with extra space just because. emotional & still nauseous. almost cry on the way home because of these weird things called human emotions, tears only well up; don’t actually fall. ramble to a man who knows a lot of people. miscellaneous conversations follow, like the one where i ask him if he can do anything about my favorite teacher being laid off. he says he’ll try. he…. how do i say this… knows… many individuals…. hes nice, slowly grown more used to his presence. i think if i cried with tears and snot long enough he’d be able to do many things, which is crazy & absurd but genuinely accurate. scarily accurate.

home, sitting outside & watching birds feed from the bird feeder. emptied it while i was gone. northern flicker, blue jay, blue-capped chickadee, common grackle, tufted titmouse… a wide variety. sprinkle some seeds on the ground for both squirrels & robins since they seem to not use the bird feeder much. robin right in front of me now, actually [was when i was typing this sentence]

i only made one note / doodle in my notebook during the event, but with words written & context applied its maybe better i don’t share it. saying…. heated words….. from a person that dislikes being rude unless someone is genuinely vile, is not as vague as one thinks they are. still, its pretty funny to imagine me being violent… slap thing was genuinely the first time i ever put my hands on someone like that

anyway, now theres three grackles near my bird feeder. two underneath. they’re so cute its almost upsetting, except its not. its quite nice to feel less alone

something something hi there something something oh hey i said everything now. i should probably lay down before my stomach gets worse

really happy i went, though. wouldn’t miss it for the world

[highcaliberstupidity]

God, seeing Neil in Forward Unto Dawn has me fucking thinking thoughts about Halo AU Ghoap again, fuck. It got kind of long so gonna put it all under the cut. Enjoy some insane ramblings

I'm specifically thinking of Soap who started as a Marine but joined the Helljumpers (ODST) fairly quickly due to his skill, potential, and ambition.

He fought MANY battles against the covenant, and on multiple occasions had to work with Spartans despite the usual tension that came between Spartans and ODST. Unlike most of his fellows, Soap actually got along with Spartans for the most part.

I'm thinking ODST Captain MacTavish whose squad was paired up with a Spartan team comprised of Price, Ghost, Gaz, and Alex. Most of Soap's squad gets wiped out during an attack on some distant Covie base and both ODST's and Spartan's get stranded on the planet for a short time.

Soap who's stuck with this dead silent wall of a Spartan with a carved-up helmet who doesn't fucking stop for anything.

He makes it clear that if Soap can't keep up, he's going to leave him behind, Captain or not.

But over the week or so their stuck planet side, Soap grows on him like a fucking tumor. Just as their escaping, he takes a plasma bolt to the leg or something. It's only a graze, just melted armor and skin and it SUCKS, but he'll live.

But he can't keep up with Ghost.

He fully expects to be left behind, but instead, the Spartan looks back, risks his own escape to grab him, and sprints them both to a ship they can steal and escape on.

"So ya do like then, eh?" "Not a word Soap, not a word."

They get back to human-occupied space and Soap gets transferred to medical. He finds out most of his team is gone, only a handful having made it back with the help of the other three Spartans.

It's crushing.

Once he heals, he keeps going, keeps working. There's still Covenant to fight and lives to avenge

He doesn't meet Ghost again until well after the war (sometime between Halo's 3 and 4) after he's accepted an offer to become a Spartan IV (I like to think that Laswell and Price reached out to him to see if he'd be willing to do it).

But he's joining this new squad at a bad time.

Alex is down for the count after a rouge group of Sangeili Radicals opposing the leadership of Kadon Fara Kariim (She's a tradition fighting female Sangheili who chose to fight in the war instead of being a wife stuck in the Keep, and her brother is the radical opposing her) set off an explosive to try and kill her and several keep elders.

And Ghost doesn't trust easily. Years of deceit, foul play, and now this have left him far more jaded than he ever was. Even Gaz, whose one of the most open members of the team has a hard time because he and Alex were close (all of them are close, I'm thinking sibling style bond as technically they'd all be around the same age due to the abductions of Spartan IV's as children).

One of their own is down, and now they have a new Sergeant (still a Captain as far as the UNSC command structure for basic infantry is concerned but in this team, he's now a Sergeant again).

So now Soap has to fight his way into this man's good graces which is NOT easy, but he does manage it because there is some previous trust there from their first meeting.

Any ways all this just to say that I absolutely want to write Graves who runs Shadow as a split off of the Papa security team that ONI employs (And ofc he's owned by Shepherd). He's as usual, a prick, but he works well. Ghost does not trust him, doesn't trust anyone in ONI (aside from Laswell) but orders are orders.

I very much want a scene where Shepherd in a bid to get rid of Laswell's pet Spartans, orders Graves to get rid of them and cover them up (it's also to cover his own ass for some insurrectionist deals maybe?? Not to sure there yet)

So Graves traps the squad of ODST known as Los Vaqueros on his Frigate and tries to eject Soap and Ghost out of an airlock after monologuing at them for a bit.

Ghost manages to get his mag boots on in time but Soap doesn't and so he's sucked out into space, but he's okay! Spartans can survive pretty long in the vacuum of space thanks to their suits, so the problem isn't that.

It's the gravity well of the planet they've been staying over in geosynchronous orbit.

Soap is heavy, and his velocity can't be slowed when he's ripped out in the depressurization of the airlock. So he's on a crash course for a fucking planet.

But, in an ode to Halo Reach, he pulls a Noble 6 and survives that shit. He's injured, his armor is FUCKED, but he's alive and kicking.

Ghost manages to escape in the meantime by fighting through the shadows to comendeer an Owl insertion dropship with Rudy.

Until Ghost and Rudy can rip the tracker off their Owl, Soap is forced to limp through an insurrectionist-controlled planet that is also crawling with Shadows until Ghost and Rudy can rescue him.

They manage to get a distress call out to Laswell before they have to go to ground and hide from the Shadows/insurrectionists hunting them.

Back up arrives in the form of Price, Gaz, and Alex (who's healed and on loan from his work assisting Fara with her keeps safety). Together they get the Los Vaqueros broken out of the brig and they take over the ship before they chase Graves and his men to the planet's surface.

That's about all I got, and it literally stemmed from the fact that I just REALLY wanted to chuck Soap out of a space ship to watch him go splat

Enjoy my brain worms, perhaps one day I'll actually write this.

Feel free to ask questions, I would love to chatter about it

[hirokiyuu]

sols roundup masterpost

i mentioned i was reworking the original post on my ao3 and so here it is! please note that a) there are a LOT of spoilers under the cut  (guy who has 80+ hours and multiple multiple endings) and b) there’s a lot of ways to take sol and these are just me having fun with them, if u dont like thats fine but dont tell me i don’t care. lol. also worth noting i think time loops are most fun when they subtly influence each other so there’s a lot of that in here LOL

worth noting i think theres a few traits that are pretty universal to them? wants to do right and full of love are the big two, tho curiosity, (seeming) warmth, and ability to fit in w/those around them are also pretty important tho i think more flexible. its just fun the way various sols can have those traits like.... manifest? an alien-hater sol who goes hunting all the time is just as valid as a sol dating dys that wants to end the war. just different ppl they love and different experiences. its fun

with that. onto the Meat

1) solana (she/her (demi?)girl, loyalty leaning lawyer, neutral end)

baby’s first run! outwardly warm but pretty cold inside. hypercompetent everywhere except in her love life. fell for tang when they were like nine on the ship and just sort of, never stopped, feeling that way, including when she was 100 years old and had outlived tang by nearly forty years, partially bc fixating on tang as people were dying was kind of. the only solace she had. wouldve really benefited from a good therapist.

2) solanaceae (he/him tguy, governor, peace ending)

childhood optimist with a hero complex turned "realist” but actually-exactly-the-same-just-depressed-about-it adult. saves tammy and tonin and hal! cannot save his parents :) grows a little distant from most of the people around him as a result, except dys, who Gets it. avoids tang for pretty much no reason he can understand, just has a sense of She Will Hurt You If You Get Too Close when he sees her sometimes. becomes governor solely bc he wants to save people. the kind of person you can trust in your house with your keys and your valuables and then someone asks ‘hey whats his favorite color’ and youre like. i dont. actually know

3) solane (they/them nb, gardener ending)

manic overconfident freak. definitely a ‘i wont tell people about my dreams bc it’s like i’m a HERO this way!’ type. saves everyone and extremely proud about it. coasting through life from ages 14-19 until they go find dys after the bomb has gone off and he’s dating. someone else? which makes them freak out bc THEYRE the hero. so instead of being normal about this they become a gardener in a desperate attempt not to be left behind

It’s Bad!

4) solanaceae (he/him cisguy, colonial hero, neutral ending) x / x

this is the one ive been referring to in private as “fascist manwhore sol” and honestly. yeah. just as overconfident as the last but extremely charming about it. the kind of guy you kinda wanna hit but also can’t help but like? somehow manages to be close w/most everyone in the colony despite their various opinions. really really hates the gardeners + even sym, for some reason w/in himself that he can’t explain. 

in Love with dys for most of their lives but cant ever make it work, fwb with rex, dates vace despite having matching tattoos with his ex-gf. hes just that kind of guy. dies young and a hero, less than a year after dys disappears into the ridges. dont think abt it too hard.

5) solane (she/her nb, neutral end, roboticist on accident somehow but a social skills job wouldve fit much better)

if third sol Thinks theyre god this sol like. actually Is. extremely clear dreams, used to talk abt them pretty much always until her first trip to medbay, at which point she stopped ever letting adults know. kind of existentially exhausted as a result. using this life literally just as a coffeeshop au lol. poly but also probably aromantic; open rship w/rex, who they love a lot but no more so than literally any of their other friends. pretty happy with stuff! 

until they go to see dys off when he “vanishes” from the colony and they accidentally let it drop they couldve like. ended the whole war. he’s. displeased. they still make an effort to enjoy the rest of their life but when they die theyre thinking abt how they should try to be a better person next time. and also hoping they remember less.

6) solanaceae (genderfluid but generally refers to self as a lesbian, peace end, botanist) x

cheerful heroine! desperately wants to be normal and tries so so hard to ignore her dreams, which works kind of, right up until they very purposefully ignores the one abt tammy and tammy dies immediately after :) at which point they completely switches gears and uses their dreams to try and save Everyone they can. bffs with nem since childhood & into her pretty much Always. everyone’s friend! dies content and at peace.

interestingly, bc this is the route where i got paradox ending on a save, probably the sol closest to the wormhole + everything about it, despite not actually remembering much from his dreams. it manifests in other ways. lol.

7) solane (she/her cisgirl, neutral end, roboticist)

coward who can only be brave when it’s for the sake of the people she loves, most notably tammy who she actually dislikes until she saves her life, at which point she realizes maybe she Can be a hero too. better with robots than people, spent most of her childhood following cal around bc he was one of hte only ppl to make time for her. falls madly in love w/tammy; their family is her biggest joy. a good parent.

8) solanaceae (he/him agender, neutral end, doctor)

feral intense child who becomes a terrifying eagle-eyed doctor. max perception by age eleven, somehow. STRONG sense of justice. strongest belief is “if you ignore someone you couldve saved, you’re garbage.” not quite high enough friendship w/nem to convince her to leave vace as teens; helps her later on when theyre adults. years and years later after dys “dies” they end up moving in and spend the rest of their lives together.

9) solanaceae (they/them nb, peace end, entertainer)

awkward ace kid who always speaks their mind. accidentally destroys tammy’s confidence every time they talk. gets confessed to by both marz and rex, shoots them down extremely awkwardly due to both aforementioned asexuality and the fact theyve had a crush on dys since they were thirteen. takes their promise to let him go seriously to the point that when he tries to bomb hte colony, they let him, and when he wants to be a gardener, they don’t stand in his way. is alright with this at first but slowly begins to feel lonelier and lonelier about it as time passes, and when they die and realize they won’t actually be with him again they feel. Very Bad. pass on wishing they’d not let him go but resenting him for asking to.

10) solane (she/her cisgirl, neutral end, xeno wrangler)

ive been calling this one “cuckoo bird sol” for a reason. desperately wants someone to be devoted to Her and Her Alone who Won’t Leave, and feels like. cal is good for that. doesn’t like tammy as a result, which means that when she has a nightmare abt tammy dying she doesn't even care, it’s not like its REAL. yeah. It’s Bad! she feels guilty abt it and then feels bad bc she’s also happy bc cal spends more time with her but also she does sure feel like shes competing against a dead girl huh! so! that’s fun!

eventually she does work her shit out and realize she does like cal himself and does want kids on her own terms but like. the process of getting there! one fucked up kid. dies more content than she realized she could be, glad for her family.

11) solanaceae (she/her nb leaning, peace end, parent) x

rowdy. her heart is 80% love and 20% pure unadulterated rage. unaugmented, which she personally doesnt care abt, but she sure does get pissed off at ppl trying to be soooo nice to her abt it! too busy w/sfc stuff during wet and as such completely misses her chance to talk dys out of the bomb. when she finds him on the ridges afterwards they yell at each other abt being in love w/each other for forever and she manages to drag him back home.

in some ways this would be my “golden run” (full friendship with everyone) (jesus christ) but despite that her actual bffs besides dys are tammy and (unfortunately) vace. in another world i would retcon this to ot3 but in this one she kissed sym and then he died in front of her and despite herself she kind of cant stop flinching away from him now if he tries to make a move. they do hinge poly instead it works. has a boatload of kids and never augments any of them. dies exhausted and delighted and in love w/the world. 

12) solane (he/him cisguy, peace ending, parent oops)

delusion run! sol who cant stop talking abt his delusions even when he knows he should. pursues dys in the “we were In Love before so we will be again!” way not the “i like you!” way until he gets. y’know. lobotomized. in some ways not focusing on his dreams is good for him but also he loses a lot of his personality? focus? afterwards

teases tammy relentlessly but ends up falling for her but bc for some reason this run glitched and tammy’s pregnancy just. kept going. she never had the kid? so i didnt date her even tho he wouldve lol. tbh most of th ending for this one is what id consider noncanon for him but ill retcon it later when i have more Vibes in place

13) solanaceae (they/he, peace ending, astronaut) this is a dead dove run (mentions of abuse)

unlucky number thirteen :) sol coming out of a delusion run with the creeping sense that they should not trust Anyone with their secrets. a little disconnected from the ppl around them tho they get on well enough w/dys and tang. madly in love with the wormhole. desperate to get off the planet and back into space so they can see it, a sentiment no one shares until, y’know. vace.

in Love (lol) with him after his 50. first time theyve ever met anyone they think Gets them so they enable him. fucking crushed when he starts dating nem. when he offers to cheat they take him up on it, which means he learns nothing and they lose one of their childhood friends :) eventually they go into space together just like they wanted! it’s bad! die in the wormhole and i think thats the first time they ever truly, from the bottom of their heart, regret everything. never want to fall in love again.

14) sol (no pronouns whenever possible but sort of ok w/they, peace ending, farmer) warning for abuse mentions in this one as well

sometimes you get so badly abused in one life your next life it still affects you! kind of an odd child, gets along better w/congruence than the other kids but thinks of cal is like a brother. doing ok until helios lands and then it’s like. h

avoids vace like the plague, despises/is afraid of him but doesn’t realize why until after sol starts understanding dreams more. when he dies i think sol wants to be like Good Riddance but. cant fully. approaches rex bc sol want to know What’s Up With The Whole Rex+Vace Deal, end up falling pretty hard. dating sym also, the three of them living together is an Experience i think. dies full of Love.

15) solana (he/him tguy, peace end, athlete)

rambunctious! cheerful! kind of dumb! falls in love w/cal from a young age and is convinced they’re gonna grow up and get married and is subsequently crushed when cal starts dating tammy instead esp bc. cal sort of. lead them on a bit w/it. slowly falls in love w/dys in the aftermath.

a bit immature. plays sportsball even in the middle of war, tension with both cal And nem as a result despite still being their bffs. he and nem are on opposite sportsball teams for the rest of their lives and yet go out for drinks after constantly. she’s his sister, basically! dies pretty happy w/how things turned out

16) solanaceae (she/they, neutral end, merchant)

greedy greedy greedy. wants money and love and attention, time and people and things, everyhting you can think of she wants it. she marz and tang are the Terrible WLW Trio of Girls Who Might Be Dating. bit of a soft spot for dys she can’t quite rationalize, will be kind to him when she’s not to anyone else. fond of rex as well.

she and marz flirt by flirting with tang, aka the person she Actually likes. pretty happy when they finally hook up, but isn’t devastated by the breakup as much as she is.... left hollow. another mistake on top of everyhting else (capitalism, dys vanishing, girl shes liked forever dumping her, also theres maybe a fleet from earth coming but haha dw abt it) she tells rex abt the fleet maybe a year? before it shows up. dies wishing desperately she had been able to be kinder.

17) solana (he/him tguy, peace end, professor) x

sugary sweet! childhood friends with tammy, they’re v similar people. loves her a lot, cannot wait to be best man at her wedding to cal LOL. despite his gentle demeanor he is also absolutely the kind of guy to do Whatever It Takes for the ppl he loves (ie poisons uncle tonin to keep him alive LOL)

thinks nomi is like, the coolest person in the universe when they meet bc they can MAKE things. so so stupid about them. when they start dating its embarrassing for everyone but they are so happy together no one can actually say anything. dies happy but wishing he was more confident in himself/brave

aaaaaaaaanyways that’s the current list. for Now. there may be more coming. i have offshoots of some of these as well that may or may not pop up wwww generally for fic that isn’t set with a specific sol i tend towards an nb sol closest to personality+dreams to my sixth sol? cheerful and trying to help but also Just A Kid about it!

[bookaddict05]

Hello people,

People who know me, know im one to have dreams that are printed in my brain and i remember them very detailed, and last night i had a marvel based dream which in my thoughts was very weird so im going to share this one with who ever is bothered to read it okay here it is ....

So im in this hotel (i have no idea where btw) and im helping my mam and dad with our bags taking them into the room. I remember walking up a couple of stairs and hear staff wispering about a celebrity guest who will be staying at the hotel but i brush it off.

I walk into our room and start writing a letter (god knows why im writing a letter) i cant remember much of the context behind it but it was about my admiration for someone. After writing the letter i put it in an envelope and it disappeared (like vanished one second it was in my hand the next poof gone).

Anywho me being the unsociable person i am i leave my room and go to the common area (it was empty and i was alone) and i read. Then i hear my mam looking for me so i come out the room then see her talking to this man in a grey suit and elderly this woman. I walk over and this man is no other but the actor who plays Namor in black panter 2 (ive just watch the movie for the first time earlier this week).

I think for some strange reason the letter i wrote went to him but i dont know what happened to the letter this is just a guess. Anywho hes at the hotel to stay cause hes doing a convention for black panther 2 and the older woman is his mom and she wanted to stay at the hotel we happened to be at.

And i dont know we just kept making eye contact i felt awkward and yeah then my brother woke me up 😥 really wished i knew where it was going but i guess i will never know

So yeah thats my weird dream if u would to hear more of my weird dreams leave a comment i have many ive wrote down for the fun of it

[shaaaaaaar]

god i don’t think loneliness has ever felt as bad as it has this summer.

ive had more intense feelings of loneliness in my life than i feel now, but this sensation of loneliness feels worse. it’s the pain of being given all you could ever want but having it be taken away before you can truly relish in it.

across the past year i’ve built and developed such meaningful connections with people. for the first time irl i had a group of people i was close to that actually shared hobbies with me. people that made me realize just how touch-starved i am and to understand my needs better, people that taught me how to say “i love you” because they showed me how strong platonic love can be. people that loved me for all of me.

i had never been told before that someone loves all of me including my best and my worst. i had never been told thank you after rambling for like an hour about something. ive had genuinely amazing people in my life before, kind and funny and that are cool as hell. but i never had the type of friend group i formed in the past year.

but then i had to graduate. before i was ready to be gone from everyone. and they’re all right on my phone, but it’s not the same because a lot of what made it special was having people that are right there with me. and we still haven’t found our footing online, our little discord server we use still hasn’t found its footing (which if i said i wasn’t part of the problem i’d be a liar), i’m not as connected with people and i’m not doing things with people and i was supposed to be doing more than i am, that’s what i told myself and what i told other people and what other people expect from me.

i’ve stopped trying to plan things online because trying to do so was making me so stressed i was physically ill constsntly, to the point i was literally told to stop for my own sake. so i haven’t done things with people.

i’ve barely seen people outside of school over the summer because i’m already so exhausted from things online, making plans irl makes me so sick i freeze up at the thought of trying. so i’ve seen people twice and one of those two times i was having a breakdown for half of it because i was so scared.

i can’t manage it. nothing has happened.

and i’m pretty sure i’m taking this worse than anyone else is, i feel like i’m living in a nightmare. and i know about self fulfilling prophecies, that’s been something i’m scared of and conscious of too, but i don’t think anyone truly gets just how much i’m losing here because i’ve never had this in my life before. sometimes my inaction is because the fact that i have to take action to begin with makes me feel horrific.

i’ve fought my ass off this summer, fought against this beautiful disaster of the culmination of my mental illness and neurodivergency and my interests and my queerness and everything that makes me atypical making it hard to find my tribe. i’ve kicked and screamed to be able to hold on, hold onto something, one thing with this one fucking group that can stay normal and undamaged and not at total risk.

i don’t want to call out for help anymore because i feel like if i let myself cry i’m only putting things more in jeopardy. i still have but either with the safety and stability of my online friend group, vague because i’m scared to actually say anything, or if i do actually talk about things transparently it’s very sporadic.

today was a breaking point for all of this. where i’m so stressed and so exhausted and so scared that i was this close to removing everyone and running and praying that somehow that’d make things better (despite knowing it’s stupid and counterproductive) purely because i can’t handle this anymore and i don’t know what to do because i feel like i’ve tried everything.

i just want this shit to be fucking over.

i don’t want to be alone anymore.