#god. . .. the way i really do love this sitcom. like have all the jokes aged well? ehhh not really

[katierosefun]

modern family is all fun and games until you get to the scenes where you burst into tears because the once-vaguely homophobic dad now refers to his son's husband as family, and also the academically gifted daughter realizes that her dorky, clumsy dad was always really proud of her and just never surprised because he just assumed she could do anything, and also the eldest daughter who eloped comes crawling back to her parents' room and whispers that she still wants her parents to be present for her wedding, and also the anxious queer lawyer character admits that he was terrified that his husband would just leave him alone with their baby daughter, and also that the once-vaguely grouchy dad looks at his stepson and tells him that what makes a family is who sticks around, not who you're blood-related to and anyways what was i saying

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

As promised - here's my final thoughts on The Golden Girls, my way of honouring this show that has kept me such good company in the past few months. Before I begin, I'd like to thank all the people who have liked/reblogged my rants about this series: I've appreciated each and every one of you, and while we might be few, it's been nice knowing I wasn't alone shouting into the void. I hope you had as much fun as I did.

Be advised: this is long and rather messy, but if you're interested, here you go - under the cut!

Let me preface by saying that I knew basically next to nothing about TGG before I started watching, last September. I had seen the couple of very famous posts about it circling around tumblr, which gave me the idea that it was an old but relatively progressive and very good show, and I knew that Betty White, beloved American actress, starred in it - so, in general, I had a favourable disposition, but being both non-American and born in the late 90s I had literally no idea what I might be getting into.

To be honest, I knew I wanted to watch it eventually, but I would have waited even more if not for a certain occurrence - that is, I read the Good Omens book. It is mentioned a couple times in there that Crowley considers TGG one of his favourite sitcoms (there's even a scene in which hell communicates with him via Rose). I was at the time (and still am...) completely obsessed with GO S2, and in need of something to distract myself: I took the bait, expecting it to be a good way to spend some time.

I did not expect to like it this much.

Some stuff you probably already know - it's really very progressive, especially for its time, and it's certainly got an original premise: how many shows do you know in which the main characters are all middle-aged and old women? And, of course, you probably know that it's a funny comedy show. Here's the thing, if you've never watched it: it is way, way funnier than you think. Yes, funnier than that. My God, is this show hilarious. I am, in general, an emotive person when watching stuff, but I've never watched a show that had me laughing so much, so loudly and so consistently during its whole airtime (B99 got close, but nowhere on this level). The writing is (almost always) great, the jokes and gags are delightful, the characters all have amazing chemistry, and the actresses are EXCEPTIONAL. Rue McClanahan, Bea Arthur, Betty White and Estelle Getty deserved all the praise and awards they got for this series, and even more. It's almost miraculous how so much talent - in the cast and crew alike - managed to end up in the right place at the right time like this.

Let's delve into a little more detail, shall we? So - the writing. As I mentioned, the premise is already original in and of itself - a show about four ageing ladies living as roommates in Miami would be groundbreaking even now, let alone in 1985. Not only that: it's a show in which four ageing ladies live as roommates with very full, enjoyable lives, fulfilling hobbies and platonic relationships, romances and sexual relations; it's a show in which four ageing ladies deal with life, death, old age, health problems (especially "feminine" ones: that episode about menopause was scandalous!), family, love, sexuality and a plethora of other subjects, while at the same time embarking on shenanigans and incredible adventures.

I always say that, while the opposite is not always true, great comedy actors are also great dramatic actors, and this is true for the writing as well: the same actresses and writers that make you laugh until you wheeze one second will have you a sobbing mess in the next one. The girls face together a lot of heavy subjects and events (Blanche's relationship with her estranged children, Dorothy's first marriage and divorce, Phil's death, Rose's childhood in the orphanage and the identity of her parents, and so, so much more), which creates the space for some truly moving performances by all actresses. Hell, there's a scene in S7 that lasts less than a couple minutes, in which Rose talks to a dog, that still makes me tearful when I think about it.

Not only that: this show delves into a lot of themes that are still controversial today, and while a few jokes here and there might be outdated by today's standards (although there's much, much less of these than I expected), you can always tell they treated these issues with love, care, and genuine respect for all the people involved. The episode dealing with AIDS has already reached tumblr fame, but just off the top of my head I remember episodes about the life of immigrants, queer identities (both in terms of sexuality and gender identity), artificial insemination, racism, poverty, homelessness, ageism & the treatment of people in nursing homes, assisted suicide (yes, you read that right). Compare this with sitcoms aired years later (I'm looking at you, F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and The Big Bang Theory), and then tell me this isn't a Very Special show.

Above all this, though, TGG is a show about four ageing women who become a family - who sometimes fight, sometimes keep secrets from each other, sometimes get involved in absurd circumstances, often bicker, but always, always, always have each other's backs and take care of each other. That's why, while the series finale was touching (once all the circumstances are taken into account: I wouldn't have forgiven such a hurried romance for Dorothy if not for the very strict constraints the writers had to work within), the actual, real finale to me was the next-to-last episode, Home Again, Rose: Part 1&2. Let me explain why.

There's an episode in S4, E22: Sophia's Choice, which deals with the condition of people in nursing homes, and how so many slip through the cracks of the system and live out their old age in horrible situations, alone and without any support. The three younger girls are understandably shaken by this thought: old age is growing closer for all of them - what if they end up slipping through the cracks too? What if they have to live out their days in solitude and abusive conditions? In the end, Rose (met with enthusiasm by her roommates) finds this solution:

I know, girls: let's make a pact that we'll always take care of each other. That we'll never desert each other, no matter what.

and in Home Again, Rose, Dorothy restates this same promise to Rose's daughter, Kirsten:

Honey, we made a pact a few years ago that if anything happened to any one of us, the other three would take care of her. Sort of an extra insurance policy.

She says this after an entire episode where the theme is that of family by blood vs chosen family: an episode in which the girls are barred from seeing Rose, who has to undergo an operation that might leave her dead or unable to take care of herself alone, because they're not her relatives; an episode in which they spend hours upon hours at the hospital anyway, waiting and hoping, and they are ready - they actually suggest the idea - to put themselves in horrible debt to cover Rose's medical expenses, because while they might not be related, they are family. It's just like Blanche states at the end of the very first episode, S1E1 The Engagement:

I was humming. And humming means I'm feeling good. And then I realized, I was feeling good because of you! You made the difference. You're my family, and you make me happy to be alive.

Do you see? They set the scene for how these characters interact in the very first episode, and then spend 7 seasons showing how true it is, up until the very last second. Sure - the girls argue, they bicker, they hurt each other at times, but you never doubt that they love each other deeply (except in the very, very rare occasions when the writing wasn't up to par - and even then, the doubt is very fleeting and quickly resolved). All of them have both blood relatives and romantic relationships (although not all of those are happy), and yet these other bonds are never portrayed as more important or more significant than what they share with each other. This is the very heart of the show, and it's a heart that beats thunderous and warm throughout all seven seasons of it - it's what makes TGG such a beloved, well-remembered sitcom.

(Since this is tumblr, aka the shipping old people site, and since you've all read my comments in the past few months, let me also spend a couple words on the queer romance reading of Blanche/Dorothy/Rose. For my own enjoyment, and because I needed some old woman yuri in my life, I decided in S1E1 that these three were in an open polycule and watched accordingly; can you blame me? They're always touching, they send each other some quite smitten Looks, they have great romantic chemistry, they're committed to each other, and quite a number of scenes are actually explicitly suggestive in that sense, although it's usually as part of a bigger comedic setup. I like to think that maybe, in a different and kinder world, this series would have ended with the three of them staying together as partners - if only for the fact that such a romance would have had incredible comedic potential. In any case, the point stands: these women love each other, whether there's some romance in there or it's all platonic, and that's the beating core of the show.)

Of course, even the best plots won't work if the characters involved fall flat; luckily, all the characters in TGG are spectacular. They're all very distinct, identifiable personalities without ever becoming stereotypes or growing stale; they have incredible chemistry in a comedic setting, but are so well-rounded that they work perfectly in a more somber setting too.

I've already commented in the past on how great a decision it was to keep Sophia a main character of the show, instead of just a recurring one: her special brand of caustic sarcasm is a crucial part of the dynamic between the main girls, and her one-liners are always iconic. Her bond with Dorothy is so sweet and realistic, and the way she gradually becomes Blanche's and Rose's mom too was delightful to watch. Dorothy herself, of course, is my very first love: the character that left the best impression on me in E1, and the one I resonate with the most. Her stares are iconic, her comebacks are legendary, and her regal poise and steadfast delivery make for a uniquely enjoyable kind of humour that I don't think I'll ever find anywhere else. And this is only her comedic side: her sweet and dramatic moments are equally memorable, and make her a favourite in no time. Rose is a testament to both the genius of the writers and Betty White's one-of-a-kind talent: her gimmicks and traits would have left me bored after a while in any other show, but in this one they just make her endearing. Giving her a heart of gold (on the good side) and an incredibly competitive streak (on the bad side) were clever choices, and they combined with her naivety and absurd anecdotes to make a character that is always, always funny, and always, always lovable. And finally, Blanche - oh, Blanche! I didn't expect to like her this much. I'm guessing this is equal parts due to the amazing character writing and to Rue McClanahan's exceptional ability - it might be because she's wonderfully charming in her usual, confident self, and even more compelling in her rare moments of vulnerability. What I can tell you with certainty is this: at some (early) point while watching I realized that I couldn't get enough of her character, and the feeling never went away, up until the very end.

You really can't help but love them all! The way they interact with each other, they grow with and thanks to each other, they support each other - it all makes for such compelling characters and dynamics that it's impossible not to enjoy. Betty White stated once, during an interview, that these four ladies are nice to visit for a half-hour every week, to see what they're doing, and I agree with the sentiment (although much more than 30 minutes a week would be wonderful!): they feel like real people, with real lives, and you just want to know what they're up to this time and how they're going to power and laugh through it. To misquote what Neil Gaiman once said about Aziraphale and Crowley in Good Omens: you could lock these four in a dark basement for a half hour and you'd have an entertaining show.

There's so much more I'd like to talk about (it's real hyperfixation hour, boys!) - from the amazing work of the costumes department to more character analysis to specific plotlines and themes, I could stay here rambling on for literal hours. However, this post is already long enough - I'll just keep this steam to fuel my creative endeavors.

Just briefly - so, what's next? Technically speaking, there's still The Golden Palace to watch, but I haven't made up my mind about it yet. According to the internet, Bea Arthur left TGG in part because she felt the writing was declining in quality, and I can see why she thought so; although the general level of the show always remained high, I also had my issues with some episodes in S7, and from the few reviews I've read about it it's a decline that's felt in Golden Palace as well. There's also the elephant in the room of Bea Arthur's departure: I think it was once again Betty White who said that Golden Palace felt like a table with a missing leg, without Dorothy there, although I'm sure Don Cheadle and the other actors did their best to compensate for her absence. This being said, I do love Sophia, Blanche and Rose, so I might decide to watch it eventually - although I'll probably opt for something else for a while, now.

If you've gotten this far, thank you so much. Watching this show and sharing my love for it with you all has been a delightful experience, and I'm truly grateful for it. I'll keep interacting with the fandom, of course (I have so many ideas for stories and vignettes!) - and I'll be sure to rewatch an episode here and there anytime I need to wrap myself in laughter and warmth. To you all, to Sophia, to Dorothy, to Rose, to Blanche: Thank you for being a friend!

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael After Midnight: Gordy’s Home

[Here’s the beginning of my journey (backstory here). The first Michael blog I accessed hails from what I have designated Earth-2211979, and it seems like this is the world where Jordan Peele’s film Nope takes place. This Michael seems to review a lot of old TV shows for his blog, especially weird, obscure, and even lost media. This right here is the last review on his blog, and it seems like he’s been inactive for several months.]

The 90s was an utter wasteland of either incredibly insipid or outright insane sitcoms, but tonight’s review is about one that landed somewhere in the middle. Gordy’s Home is exactly the sort of bonkers concept you’d see coming out of the chimp-obsessed 90s scene while at the same time being incredibly predictable. But, of course, you know that I didn’t decide to review this because of that. You know what the elephant in the room is.

Or maybe you don’t! So let’s set that shit aside and talk about the actual show before we get into the dark underbelly of this seemingly saccharine slice of 90s nostalgia.

The cast is a very mixed bag. Ricky “Jupe” Parkin definitely the weak link here. Look, we all loved him in Kid Sherrif, but we were like toddlers. He’s just not a good child actor, he just got a stroke of luck. At least his fist bumps with Gordy are pretty fun, but watching a kid do a fist bump with a chimp is hard to fuck up. The other human actors are all giving corny performances, but they seem a bit more self-aware and tongue in cheek, so it’s easier to stomach them. The MVP of the humans is definitely Mary Jo Elliot, who clearly is trying her best with this silly material. It’s such a damn shame we never got to see her go further in her career, especially when she managed to make a “drugs are bad” PSA episode palatable.

Then we have Gordy. Oh, sweet Gordy. Is it even okay to say he was the best part of the show? Because it’s undeniable, he was. But it feels so fucking dirty saying that, all things considered, and keep in mind—this show had an episode guest starring Bill Cosby! How the Hell did THAT age less poorly than the chimp? I look at it like this: He was an animal. I can’t really hold the poor chimp to human standards, can I?

…God, I guess I can’t really beat around the bush. Can’t I talk about the cringey tween romance episodes? The corny episode where Gordy keeps messing up the family vacation? The weird way this show seems to think adopting a chimp and an Asian is something you should think is wacky and whimsical (boy am I glad we left weird racist undertones in the 90s, never to be seen again)?

No. I’ve gotta talk about the incident.

This show is remarkably hard to watch. Like, the only version of the opening theme on YouTube is a poorly recorded VHS rip, and there are at least three episodes that have yet to be found despite lost media aficionados doing their damndest to hunt them down. And the reason for this is because of a tragic incident that happened on set in 1998, where Gordy went berserk and maimed or murdered his costars save for Park.

I remember seeing it on the news when I was a kid and just not understanding it. I remember seeing the magazine covers, the parodies, that fucking godawful SNL sketch… No, seriously, was SNL ever fucking funny? I rewatched that sketch for this review and it is the most tasteless, unfunny shit I’ve ever seen. Gilbert Gottfried’s 9/11 jokes right after the attack were funnier. Who okayed that? Who okayed any of that shit after the incident? A kid had her face ripped off, for Christ’s sake!

There were so many weird rumors and urban legends about the incident. I remember seeing one a lot, that there was some insane fan who’d wandered on set with a gun and that’s what set Gordy off, but that sounds really outlandish and ridiculous. There’s also a rumor that there’s footage of the incident floating around online, and you can see just where Gordy bites Elliot’s face off. I’d honestly rather watch that video where the dude with the ice pick eats that other guy again than see that, so if it does exist I hope it stays lost. Some things aren’t meant to be seen, and this is one of them.

Really, it’s a shame that THIS is what the show is remembered for: An awful, totally avoidable tragedy that has hung a dark cloud over everything. We never got a really clear answer over what happened on that set, but I’m guessing this is the same shit that happens every time an animal mauls someone. They ignored warnings, didn’t treat Gordy with respect, and honestly? Wouldn’t surprise me if they abused him too. Apparently Park has some theme park out in the place I’m going hiking with my buddies soon, maybe I could just drop in and ask him what the truth is. Bet he’d just love to talk about that.

Gordy’s Home is an unremarkable, corny, harmless 90s show forever tainted by a senseless tragedy. Like, I spent more time talking about the chimp attack than the actual show here, that’s how much Gordy’s rampage looms over it. Really, I think what sums it all up for me is how the show uses Gowan’s “(You’re a) Strange Animal” as its theme song, seemingly to imply fun and monkey business… but conveniently leaves out verses like this, ones that tragically foreshadow the ineptitude that led to the carnage on set:

Well, they say I should approach you with caution But not to let you be aware of my fear Never know what you'll find Don't understand your kind round here

They still used the song better than Crowder did, at least.

[4dtk]

NCT 127: finding out you're older than them

“Hey, can I request an NCT127 reaction to finding out you're actually older than them when they thought you were much younger than them? (like you look really young despite your age lol)” thank u for waiting honey <3 ps i just used random years that are older than the members!

enjoy! this was fun to write ^^

→ TAEIL would have his mouth in an ‘O’, but more of a ‘ooh cool!’ way where he’s nodding repeatedly to nothing seconds after you’ve spilled the beans. it sinks in more later when he thinks of your birth years side by side and he’s like omg! i’m finally not the oldest and it garners a laugh out of you that you don’t mind being called old by him. honestly, you don’t mind being called old at all by the other members, since technically you are taeil’s s/o. the members are closer to the male, so when they call him old, you join in lol

“woah hyung/noona! i can’t believe you now take the place of oldest in our group,” mark says, although gets a smack from haechan for saying that.

“ack! sorry taeil-hyung and (y/n)-hyung/(y/n)-noona, mark’s mouth is a little big today.”

taeil waves it off, curling an arm around your waist to bring you closer as mark avoids eye contact. slowly the members crowd around the four of you, interested in the topic that’s taking place. it was well over 11pm in the practice room, and having just ended dance practice, they cooled down by taking part in the conversation.

“yeah! you finally can call someone else old!” another smack and a whine from mark accompanied by an apologetic look that wasn’t seen often on donghyuck.

“i’m sorry for them,” taeil whispers with a laugh, placing a kiss onto your cheek before taking a swig of water from his bottle. he takes your shaking head as acceptance of your new position of the oldest, pleased when you return his kiss with one to his lips.

→ JOHNNY is the one to pull a dramatic face lol. you know the one where his mouth is in a ‘O’ and his eyebrows are knitted. the expression is playful, but there’s a bit of genuine shock behind it. recovers from it quickly tho and jokingly calls you ‘daddy/mommy’ to annoy you. i can see him calling you the term later if you get married or have kids though, just in a third person kinda way - something like a running joke from when he discovered you were older years ago.

“no way, you’re born in 1992?” his jaw is dropped, eyes wide that makes you smile just a little, “holy shit you’re old,” there’s a fit of laughter when your hand lands on his back as a form of retaliation (“like you’re not!”), but you agree either way, shrugging nonchalantly at the year of birth.

“then maybe now i can call you daddy/mommy,” you groan at that, shoving him for real now as he lands on the sofa behind him and doyoung at the dining table contemplates whether he should interfere. he decides not to when you full on attack your boyfriend, although with half-assed punches as johnny continues to moan out theatrically in between attacks, “but for real though, next time, i wanna hear voices calling you.”

“the fuck? you mean in like a horror movie way?”

“nah, in the i wanna have a family way.” you gulp with a surprised expression and you launch a badly timed attack that hits him in the balls. you’re apologising with a fluster, johnny is groaning in pain. oh well, this could be story to tell your kids or adopted babies next time.

→ TAEYONG is making surprised noises. it’s so cute lol that you’re the one ending up teasing him about it. taeyong forgets it sometimes, so you have the pleasure of seeing him react like a couple of times bc it finally settles in his mind that you’re older than him. other than that, yong loves you all the same and sometimes acts like a baby just so you’d cave and take care of him. he argues that it’s only the right way! older s/o? you take care of me! i want to be babied.

“huh? you’re older than me?” taeyong asks, mindlessly digging through your stuff until he comes across your ID. he curiously sifts through the information on it, but the number of your birth year seemed to stand out the most.

you hum, placing the last bits of your mask on yourself as you turn back to your boyfriend with a similar look: hair band pushing his dyed hair back, with a mask like yours on his face.

a noise of approval spills from taeyong’s mouth, and you’re left giggling in confusion until he explains his reason for it. you nod through it, happy to give your boyfriend what he wants while he takes his place in your arms. “feels nice,” taeyong mumbles, loving the way you’re playing with his fingers before he asks a question with a small voice. “can we do this more often?”

“of course,” and now you’re glad for taeyong’s curiosity of your things, presenting you with the opportunity (and excuse) to hold your lover in your arms.

→ YUTA doesn’t care either tbh. he may be one of the ones to figure it out before the others - how? you don’t know either but i have a feeling he might’ve taken a look at your ID or something along those lines. mans just nods at the year. as long as you’re still yourself and don’t change how you act in the relationship obvi bc he’s dating you bc of how you’ve presented yourself so far. it’ll feel weird if you suddenly start to dote on him just because you’re older. still likes to take care of you <3

“hey babe? were you born in 1993?” yuta inquires one day at dinner, the whole table of members somehow going a little quiet at the revelation.

“mhm! how’d you know?” you tilted your head, placing a piece of fish into your mouth and ignoring the shocked faces on the faces of the different members.

“eehh- i just saw it on your ID accidentally the other day,” yuta smiles when wiggle your mouth around to feel for the fish’s bone, finally able to shoot your boyfriend a smile as you both go back to your dinner. your laugh is the one thing that’s heard across the table and the occasional clinks of chopsticks against porcelain, and you’re confident if you were on a sitcom, the camera would just have all the members staring into it in shock.

“is it that surprising?” you asked the members, some of them waving their hands and shaking their head, knowing that yuta would probably take it up to them if they happen to have a problem with it.

“so i actually needed to call you hyung/noona?! i’m so sorry!!!” mark exclaims, earning a giggle from you.

→ DOYOUNG would react a little intensely too, but more in a starstruck, quiet kind of way. he just has this wide eyed look that make you burst out in laughter at the discovery and his lips are making a funny shape. he nods it off calm and cooly, but inside he’s like oh my god wtf really???? why didn’t i know this holy shit are they going to leave me for not knowing you can see no thought behind his eyes but you know the man’s spiralling a little inside that you have to reassure him that it’s just a minor thing (he gets out of the dump pretty quickly). your age reveal doesn’t affect him much either.

“you’re- you’re older than me?” doyoung’s mouth dries, coffee cup hovering just below his lips as you drop the bomb without much care. it’s quiet in the early morning, having had just finished filming his relay cam, but you can practically hear doyoung’s thoughts. he’s brought of it when you place a hand on his wrist.

“babe, baby, it’s okay. i didn’t tell you anyway, don’t worry about it,” your smile is blinding, and it has doyoung smiling as well, agreeing along to your reasoning and slowly easing into his previous action of drinking his beverage before he halts again.

your head tilts in question. “what is it?”

your boyfriend waves it off with a shy smile, bringing your hand to his lips as he lands a kiss on the skin there, “nothing. just thinking about how much i love you.”

“did it change?”

there’s a blush on his cheeks when he says it, glad for the two of you being in the only ones awake. “no, not one bit.”

→ JAEHYUN would one way or another kind of know already, although he’s not 100% sure. he’s observant, sometimes content with watching you take care of the other members (poor guy gets jealous tho) or just cleaning up after him when he’s a little too tired to do things - like wash his hair and what not. even if you’re not a naturally ‘taking care of others’ person, jaehyun picks up on the things that he’s heard his friends talk about regarding their older siblings (since he’s an only child) or compares to how you act around the group that’s similar to taeyong or doyoung. i can see jaehyun being a little disappointed, but it doesn’t change much as long as he can keep the dynamic of the relationship (so him giving the affection with you in his embrace). jaehyun is a quiet kind of shock like doyoung.

“huh… you’re born in 1994?”

“sure am,” you’re filling out a form for a membership, pen scribbling with swiftness in order not to hold up the line. you pass it back in a minute as the cashier processes your membership, and you feel jaehyun squeeze your hand. “why, why? is it an issue?” you mumble a thank you to the cashier, heading out of the store hand in hand while you find a spot to talk to your boyfriend.

“no no,” jaehyun giggles, a low one that makes your heart flutter, and he leans down to place a kiss onto your lips. it lingers there longer than you expected and you feel his smile on your lips. “there’s no issue. it just kinda adds up, in a way. you’re such a natural at giving advice and taking care of the other members. i’m just… a little surprised, is all.”

you laugh at that, meeting his lips again in a loving peck, “okay, that’s good then!”

→ JUNGWOO says “woowww!” like video game commentary and claps. yes he claps, you’re not sure why either but he’s just so thrilled to learn of your birth year that he just nods along and gives you a thumb-up after. i can’t say he’ll be that shocked, more of like happy for you like you just told him you passed a test or something. when you ask him about it, he just shrugs and pats you on the back. it’s all part of his personality, though, and like taeyong/yuta, he wouldn’t care much apart from being able to call you ‘sunbaenim’ as a joke. sometimes calls you senpai LMAO

“woah, you’re older than me by four years?” jungwoo mumbles when you show him your old IDs, the topic of your birth year overriding the original goal of wanting to see your foetus pictures.

“hm? oh yeah, i guess i never really mentioned it, huh?” you continue with what you were doing, cleaning up the stray hairs sticking out from your hairdo before jungwoo comes back hugging with his long limbs and silky outfit.

“congrats!” he meets your eyes through the vanity mirror and proceeds to peck your cheek and your expression that follows next brings laughter to jungwoo’s chest. you can feel it move from behind you, hoping he wouldn’t mess up the hour you spent on your hair. “why congrats?” your lip is curled with a raise of your eyebrows as your boyfriend continues to hang off your shoulders.

he thinks, then replies with a dunno and leaves the area to settle back on the bed. the snap of his camera follows next, no doubt taking pictures of the serious face shots of your old ID cards.

→ MARK would be one of the ones that you think is over exaggerating, except he’s just that shocked. he would stumble over his words and texting johnny or whoever to tell him and be like “yoooo? huh? what?” mark would probably be the last one to make the connection and johnny is all like “yeah? u didn’t know?” and mark is like “HOW WOULD I KNOW THEY LOOK SO YOUNG?????!!” hysterical, this man. mark almost doesn’t believe it for a second and you have to take out your ID to show him lmfao

mark’s head snaps to you once he overhears you in conversation with the flyer distributor, catching your attention with something that was in line with your interests. mark tunes out the promoter explaining the features of the product, only coming back to earth when you mention your date of birth for a trial of their services.

“you’re WHAT? nah. no. no way, show me your ID.”

the other jumps back at the sudden exclamation while you just raise an eyebrow. sorry, excuse him, you mumble, and you’re dragging mark off to the side as you fumble in your bag to pull out your ID in exasperation. the timing is imperfectly perfect: mark bends down to inspect your birth year, you flip open the wallet a little too hard, it hits his head in a loud thwack!

“ow.” mark giggles, squinting his eyes to finally make out the fading ‘1998’ on your card, “oh! so the same as jungwoo hyung?” he giggles again, “he finally as someone to talk to!”

→ HAECHAN is shocked but would immediately mask it and go like “oh my! still so pretty, miss halmeoni,” he coos and you’re so ready to smack him. in a way acts like johnny but will not stop using the word on a daily basis (unless you tell him that you don’t like it). it becomes part of the pet names that he calls you, but he still likes the classic baby/honey/love. sometimes also like to whine with hyung/noona if he wants something, like a new video game or for you to buy food for him. other than that, haechan is pretty indifferent about you being older than him.

“hah?! you’re born in 1999?” haechan has his neck stuck out like a fish out of water, not posing that much difference since he’s just finished a shower. you make the bed with deftness, tucking in the duvet easily as your boyfriend approaches from behind.

he’s shocked, but before you can comment on it, he recovers quickly to deliver a quip through his toothpaste-filled mouth, “oh my! halmeoni, then you should take a seat!” your hands are on your hips, glaring at him while he only grins.

you indulge him, though, and take a seat on the newly made bed, relaxing into the softness of the sheets with elbows.

“if i’m considered elderly, then, you can do the housework for me, right?” the dread that slowly fills up haechan’s features make you explode into giggles, before pushing yourself up to come face to face with him.

“thought so,” you whispered, petting his head as you continue the clean-up of the room.

[herstarburststories]

(He Isn't) A Good Guy

Kinktober day 15: humiliation kink

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x reader

Summary: Jensen is tired of everyone saying he's a good guy.

Warnings: dirty talk (kind dark bc of the kink), handjob, p in v, riding, cheating, possessive, slapping

You have to be careful with what you're good at. You might just end up doing it for the rest of your life.

Jensen Ackles never caught the appeal of that saying. If you were really that good at something, why wouldn't you want to do it?

Such a mindset was as constant as a mother’s love and made Jensen's loyal company for a long time during his career. He pictured it would last forever: the head pats, positive criticism, and his charm that caught more and more fans. The Hollywood man was happy, really. He grew to be a good — if not great — actor. He had a wife and three kids that were the love of his life. He could go anywhere and find a job through the instantaneous recognition that Supernatural bestowed upon him, not to mention its gift of a best friend, Jared, and the raw amount of personal growth he went through. 

He was perfect in the most diversified aspects of his life, and, God, it was boring as fuck.

Whatever Jensen did, he was excused for it. Plenty of people would light themselves on fire for him (and hey, don’t think he was ungrateful for that), but being called a good guy that apparently couldn’t do any wrongs while the rights came out even in his sleep could be devastatingly annoying.

He thought he might have some problem, perhaps even a middle-aged crisis. Come on, who, with his life, would feel compelled to look for something else? Ackles had the money, the friends, and family. He had everything everyone dreamed about, but he just wanted to wake up.

Then, he met you.

You were the woman in her twenties who was barely starting in the media business, yet you had enough luck and talent to evoke the CW's attention that early. They wouldn't hire you as an official director, but you were in the training process. You were a prodigy, as most people on the set liked to joke about.

You sighed, slightly frustrated about the direction these takes were going. Asking Ackles to follow orders was roughly the same as punching a wall; the brick didn't break, and it only left you with scuffed knuckles and growing irritation. “Jensen, you need to tilt your head to the side or we won't be able to catch her face on camera.” 

“I'm doing that,” he said as if it was obvious.

“The camera doesn't agree with you.” You crossed your arms, tired of having this heated squabble again.

“I know how to shoot sex scenes, Y/N. I've been doing that for—”

You interrupted him: “I'm aware of how long the show I'm working on has been going, Jensen. Now, take my hint and do as I say. I get that you have done this before, but we are trying a new position, so your M.O. might not work.” You knew he was a good actor. Supernatural wouldn't be what it was if it wasn't for his character. Still, you needed this episode to be perfect in terms of filming. It was your first actual chance to prove how worthy you were. Jensen had his career and little apple pie life settled, but you had to scratch and squirm to insert yourself into the industry. You knew what you were doing. Nonetheless, you attempted to pacify his self-assurance by being assertive and gentle at the same time: “Just listen to me and try it. Please.”

The green-eyed man opened his mouth, very much ready to spit out a contradicting retort, but at the last second, he clamped his jaw shut and opted for a smirk instead. “Yeah, boss.”

It was the first time in years that someone actually came at him. Jensen felt the bruise aching his ego that spiked a sudden pressing need to puff out his chest and say I know what I am doing. Why don't you watch? 

He'd call that the Texan man behavior, alpha macho testosterone levels on high, but, honestly, he was just mad that someone had the audacity to talk to him like that, as if he was a rookie on his job. Jensen's whole body heated up, his jaw clenched, and his breath caught on his throat when he glanced at you — of course, he'd never put a hand on a woman, but God, that was infuriating. He wasn't a middle school child in need of a lecture.

But this was his first impression. As you gave everyone fifteen minutes to relax before shooting again, he went to his trailer, gait unnecessarily heavy like a child throwing a tantrum. Jensen locked his trailer and closed his eyes, trying to pick out his emotions — how long have it been since he got mad? That couldn't be healthy.

Do as I say. Your words were echoes in his head, spinning and making him dizzy. Just listen to me.

And the look you gave him. It wasn’t adoration as a fan or nervousness like a new worker. You didn’t excuse him as anyone else did. You glanced at him as you would to any other person on the set that had made a mistake: you pointed it out and didn't offer any sugarcoating to dull the blow.

It felt refreshing.

Shaking your head at the scene unrolling on the other side of the camera, you let out an exhausted sigh. This was your second directed episode, and Jensen wasn't making it easy for you. He always seemed like such a nice guy, yet you weren't surprised by his mulish behavior. You had called him out, and now he was turning it back around on you. Celebrities were complicated on their one, but male ones even more. Their egos required a role for themselves.

“Everyone, ten minutes!” you announced, placing the headphones on the table next to you. Your crew started dispersing, Ackles included, when his name left your lips: “Jensen, c'here.”

The green-eyed man arched his eyebrows, not sure why you wanted to talk to him so privately. Still, he approached you.

When you were a kid, you went through a phase when your smile wasn’t very pretty. It was too much teeth, eyes too tight, and head lifted high enough to show under your chin. Your parents couldn't just up and tell you that it looked terrible, obviously, so they just showed you multiple pictures until you decided that you didn't like something about it.

Maybe that would work with Jensen.

You patted the chair next to you, and Jensen sat there with a wisp of hesitation. You clicked on the scene you had been trying to get right for almost an hour. The replay went smoothly, Ackles's shoulders shrugging by the end. He didn't see the fuss about this.

“Seems good,” he said nonchalantly. 

You squinted your eyes at him. Someone as talented as him couldn't be serious about not seeing a problem with how ridiculous his vampire transformation through the last season was. “Seems like a sitcom”

“It's a dumb scene.” Jensen shrugged.

You groaned. “Can't you just accept that you can do better?”

Jensen crossed his arms and straightened his posture, holding a defensive atmosphere around him. God, he was infuriating sometimes. “Maybe you can. I've been doing great for years. You might not be the right director for this kind of show.”

“Just do as I said. You're in the scene, but I'm the audience. I can see right through you. I'm seeing things from another perspective and trying to tell you how to improve. That's what a director is for. Go ahead and try it!”

Your friendly conversation with the lead apparently had the opposite effect. As soon as he went back to his place in front of the camera, Jensen Ackles appeared to acquire the stubborn, incredibly unprofessional desire to take on all the worst camera angles only to get on your nerves.

“Are you kidding me!?” You elevated your voice, furious at how careless he was. All your patience has been zapped. “You're doing it on purpose. How can you be so petty?”

“Me? Petty!?” he said between gritted teeth, almost hissing as he walked to you. “I've been playing Dean for years. I know him more than—”

“I know. You do a big job with that character, but Jensen, you make mistakes. It's part of the process. You're a grown-ass man, so you can take what I'm saying and make something useful out of it. I'm the director; you are the actor. I don't care about how long you’ve been on this stage, and I don’t care for incompetence. You ain't doing good, so do as I say and fix it.”

Jensen tensed up when you said that, exhaling shortly while his eyes glued on you. You were half his age, yet the way you presented yourself — arms stiffly crossed, eyes ablaze and chin lifted — spoke of your power on this film set. At the end of the day, he was just a man, and he was in your court. Just like that, you held all control. He bit his bottom lip, neck red with the heat of anger and adrenaline that lashed through his body.

He was furious, yet all his body could do was react as if you had kissed him instead of punching his ego.

Anger and luxury both came from the same place. They were just different branches on the same tree growing from a common seed.

The half of Supernatural's leader actor started doing it on purpose, then. Not acting in a way that could collide with his career or mess up the shooting schedule, but an occasional bitched scene here and there when he had a chance, and always when you were in charge of the scene.

He relished in it: someone treating him like a man and not an untouchable idol. A woman who would look straight in his eyes and not be too intimidated, excited, or lovey-dovey to tell him all the bad things he needed to hear. You were someone who could put him in his place.

Unfortunately, playing around can only get you so far. If you bring someone to the pool, they won't be satisfied with just one foot in the water. They'd want to swim, splash water at their friends to get them all wet and soaked too. 

What started with provocative, fuming rage and nuisance soon melted into something deadlier. It was something unmanageable, a burning fire that attracted all the wrong kinds of glances. Yet, neither of you could help but follow where the smoke signal led.

You were here, in each other's arms. It was a dirty little secret that went way beyond just an illicit affair: it was about what you two could give to each other without even asking, and what other people could never quite comprehend. . . And they didn't need to. Jensen had you, and you had Jensen. To desire and savor the result was enough.

Your hand was wrapped around his cock, moving up and down in a painfully slow rhythm. You had two legs wrapped around his, your face hanging next to Jensen's — close enough that you could kiss all of his freckles if this were out of love and not necessity — as you spoke.

“Everybody thinks you are the good guy. Little mister perfect.” Ackles groaned at the malice in your tone. He hated that — how everyone called him perfect, how every single person told him he was such a good guy. You were his only grounding force under the blinding lights. “But I know you aren't. You are nasty, disgusting, and so needy for someone to put you in your fucking place.”

The male's lips parted slightly, a pornographic moan leaving his body. This perversion felt like a hair short of sin. Who in their right mind would be so turned on by a girl half his age picking up all the worst things one could say about him, only to throw them exactly where it hurt the most?

Why, in the name of God, did he want more? Why was Jensen bucking his lips, needy noises that he never dons escaping his trembling body? Why was his cock hard as fuck, ruinining your fingers with sloppy precum while he internally begged you for more? 

It was like receiving a miracle and giving it to the devil.

“Look at you,” you continued, a smirk painted on your features, “getting fucked in your trailer by the woman who basically told you to stop whining and get your job done like a real man.” You loved being in control of the usually overconfident Hollywood star. If only his dearest fans knew how much of a submissive he was — how he just needed to be told where he belonged. 

“Y/N…” Jensen managed to say, his chest moving erratically fast. You leaned in to press your lips to his, and he whimpered. Ackles' hand slid to your waist in an attempt to pull you closer, but all he got was a slap on the arm and lack of friction on his dick. “Y/N!”

“I didn't say you could touch me, stubborn idiot.” You hissed, getting up to throw away your skirt and underwear. Jensen sniffed, feeling so ridiculous about himself. You had way too much control over him, but he couldn't really care about anything other than you touching his cock right now. Fuck composure or else. “I'm not your wife. I'm not one of your thirsty fans.” Each word came out in a harsh tone, those syllabus together had no other duty but hurt him, and he loved how they agonized in his body, redirected right to his hardness. You got free of the skirt and your soaked lace panties. “I don't need you. This?” You gestured at yourself and Ackles, a wry laughter coming out as you climbed on his lap. “I'm doing you a favor. So, you better thank me and take whatever I choose to give you. Understood?” Jensen's eyes were obsessed with your image, not leaving your face once— not even to look at his hard cock that was so close to your cunt due the new position. He just nodded, wishing that was enough to show you his piece of mind. It wasn't. You slapped his cheek and howled. “I made you a question.”

Jensen gulped, the red on his cheek from your smack couldn't compare to his blushed body. This felt so good, finally getting what he wanted. Ultimately, he blurted out: “Yes, I understand.”

“Good. Now let's put you to good use.” You winked at him, a hint of silly playfulness before you got all his length inside you at once. Both of you moaned, the unique sensation of your walls around his hard dick was marvelous. So warm, tight, and wet. Everything he deserved in one pussy, one woman. You started to move your hips up and down. “You feel so good inside me, baby. Like your cock was made for me— I think you were made just for this, to be fucked by me. What do you think?” His eyes fluttered shut, Jensen was allowing himself to get lost into you. You were heaven in sin, fucking him so nice. You weren't having his silent, though. You both had to be quiet about many things regarding to your mutual arrangement, you couldn't get more of closed mouths. Not when this was happening. You grabbed Jensen's jaw, fingertips pressing against his skin. “You better start answering me before I get out of here and go get some with a real man.”

Jensen groaned, holding your hips possessively. You knew he was one of the jealous kind, talking about other men touching you always got a reaction out of him. “I'm a real man.” 

“Show me then, baby.” A glimpse of sweetness appeared as you leaned in to kiss his lips. It didn't last much before your lips went to his neck, words coming through an open-mouthed there. “You know, they all are so caught up in your act, Jensen. The perfect texan boy, the amazing husband, the unproblematic idol…” You chortled, sending goosebumps through his whole soul. His dick was deep into you as you were riding his restlessly. “I bet you get tired of this. I bet you just want to fuck me in front of everyone sometimes, just to show them how dirty you can be.” He nodded, a soft whine leaving his lips. He was so tired of being the good guy. Only you knew him. “Like right now. You spent the whole day messing up with me, teasing me, just so you could get punished. And here we are, fucking in your trailer, while everyone is getting ready to go home.” He tried to move his hips as well, to get more of you. When you didn't stop him, Ackles winced and bucked his hips, hitting your G-spot, going deep and raw inside your tight cunt. One of his hands went to your pussy, digits pressing to your clit. Your next words came during groans of pleasure. “You should go too, baby. But you can't help it, huh? You just want go fuck me, even though I don't even care enough to send you a message to make sure you got home safe. You like it. You love that I'm not crazy about you, that I don't care.” His heart ached, but his cock only grew harder. Jensen could feel he was on the edgy. “So, you stay here instead of going home to your sweet wife. You stay here instead of hanging out with your best friend. You stay here instead of looking through your social media just to get an ego boost. Is this what a good man would do, Jensen? No... But that's okay. Men like you just need to be put in their places, and you love it.”

“Y/N!” He screamed helplessly, pulling your body closer to him when he came inside you, marking your pussy as his. A treacherous, lust stained thought was placed on his shoulders, whispering lovingly to his ear like you did your swearing: breed her, get her pregnant with your baby. Make her yours.

You had broken him, and he loved every second of it. He couldn't wait to give you the shattered pieces as a gift.

You came with an excruciating grunt right after him, all over his cock. The feeling of Jensen coming inside you always pushed you right way. You sighed happily, resting your head on his chest.

He enjoyed moments like this.

You remained there, waiting for his cock to relax inside you, get less hard before you pulled you. When it did, you pressed a quick kiss to his collarbone, walking to grab your clothes.

“Jensen,” You coughed after putting on your skirt. “I'll send you the new script tonight. Send me an email to confirm that you got it.”

What you truly wanted to say was, tell me if you got home safe. But you couldn't.

“Sure.” Jensen answered with a nod. Once again, he also wanted to say something else: thank you for giving me what I need, for seeing me. I love you. But he couldn't.

You picked up your wet panties, throwing it at him with a teasing smile before leaving the trailer.

It was enough.

Leave a comment and REBLOG. Feedback is magic! Taglist on my reblogs— send me an ask or dm if you wish to be tagged! You can add yourself to my taglists through my bio's link as well.

[lovelyirony]

How much do I have to pay for a happy ending for that Winteriron blind date prompt you did? I will give you everything. You broke my heart and now I need it be fixed please!

no need for payment! let’s do a continuation right now...

Natasha and Steve are looking at each other. 

“So did you know that he...?” 

“No!” 

“Were we supposed to check in or something?” 

“I don’t think so. Did you text Pepper?” 

Natasha looks at her phone. 

“Yeah, but no response yet. It’s too late in the evening.” 

They’re both looking at Bucky, who immediately had gotten home, flung himself face down on the couch, and screamed for five minutes straight. 

“Why didn’t you tell me his name was Tony?!” He yells after the five minutes, voice hoarse. “I looked like the biggest idiot of all time! I didn’t want to see him again!” 

“It ended that badly?” Steve asks. 

“Technically, probably not,” Bucky mumbles. “I just...we were leaving. For a long time. Nearly a year. And I didn’t...I didn’t want to be left behind. So I...ended things.” 

“Did you want to?” Natasha prods. 

“No,” Bucky says, scowling. “He was the best person in my life.” 

“Well now I feel excluded,” Steve remarks dryly. 

“Steve I will sell you to the circus and you can be their new strong guy,” Bucky mutters. “Don’t think I won’t.” 

“Then I’ll just join Sam’s act since you have also threatened him multiple times with that,” Steve jokes. “But I’ll stop it now. Why not just tell him that?” 

“Oh sure, tell him that I broke up with him for selfish reasons and then I want to get back together. Also for selfish reasons.” 

“Well when you phrase it like that, he’ll say no in five minutes flat,” Natasha says. “Come on. You can work this out.” 

“And if he doesn’t want that?” 

“Then you leave him the hell alone,” she says with a shrug. “No problem there.” 

“You make this seem easy,” Bucky says. “And it’s not gonna be.” 

“Well of course it’s not,” Steve says. “But you have assholes for friends and this is going to be our entertainment until it gets resolved or worse.” 

Bucky flips them off. 

They return the gesture. 

- 

Rhodey, currently, is trying not to laugh. 

Okay so it’s not funny. Like, really. It’s more sad that Tony has to be confronted with the fact that the ex that he loved was a blind date. 

But it’s a little funny. 

“Rhodey!” Tony yells. “How can you laugh?” 

“I’m not laughing!” Rhodey says, trying to steady his voice. “But if this was a sitcom, I think there would have been some good moments.” 

Pepper glares at Rhodey as she puts an arm around Tony, pulling his head onto her shoulder. 

“I’m sorry your blind date ended up being the worst possible thing.” 

“It wasn’t the worst,” Tony sniffles. “He wore his blue shirt that I love so much. The one that brought out his eyes. And I got to see him again. I just...I miss him.” 

“Then why didn’t you tell him that?” Rhodey asks. “Wasn’t he also feeling shitty at breaking up with you? What reason did he even give?” 

“Long distance,” Tony says. “He said he didn’t want to hold me back. I think he probably just wanted to not be tied back here.” 

“Then he would have said that,” Pepper responds. 

“Would he?” Rhodey asks. “That seems kind of shitty.” 

“Yes,” Pepper states again, voice thin and tense. “He would have said that, Jim.” 

(Rhodey is now aware that he’s been putting his foot in his mouth.) 

“Yup,” he says, “um, Pepper is right. He would have definitely told you that he wanted to be, um, single. Abroad.” 

“You both are the worst,” Tony says. “God, I need a drink.” 

“No you don’t,” Pepper says. “We’ll get you some of those cream cheese roll-ups.” 

“I meant orange juice,” Tony sniffles. “I need to get Vitamin D somehow since I’m going to die here all alone.” 

“What am I, trash?” Rhodey asks. 

“You’ll leave too,” Tony wails. “I’ll be alone!” 

“I’m not going to leave, you asshole,” Rhodey says. “I’m going to stay right here until we both die of old age or neglect because Pepper finally got tired of us.” 

“You guys are acting as if I don’t have people on speed-dial to make sure you don’t die,” Pepper says. “Also, you’re not going to make me take care of you both because you want to be lame and not face your feelings.” 

“Yeah,” Tony sighs. “Ugh. I guess I just need to eat pizza.” 

“What you need is to face the problem,” Rhodey says. “Because if you don’t then that means I get to clown on you for six months and publicly drag you on Instagram with a series of pictures of you in sweatpants that don’t fit.” 

“Which ones?” 

“The blue glitter ones.” 

“Not the...?” 

“Yes the...” Rhodey reiterates, cackling. 

-

Bucky and Tony both have to face the music. Which they’re not exactly looking forward to, but mostly because they think the other one is going to reject them. 

Tony calls him. 

“Hi,” he says. “Um, can we...can we talk?” 

“Um, yeah, sure,” Bucky says, fumbling with the phone. “Meet at, um...the coffee shop? Raina’s?” 

“Sounds good.” 

It was their place. 

Neither had been back. 

-

Raina’s wasn’t really crowded. The barista smiles at Tony as he enters. 

“Was wondering where you two went,” he says, unaware that they had separated. 

“Oh you know, just busy I guess,” Tony teases. “Still remember my order?” 

“How could I forget the most complicated order of my life?” he responds. “Where’s your other half?” 

Other half. 

Tony smiles, and he hopes it isn’t as brittle as it feels. 

“Oh, he’s on his way. Running late.” 

-

Bucky sees that his drink is waiting at the counter, and the barista waves to him as he waves back, asking how he’s been doing, if he got into the fashion design school that he was looking at. (He had.) 

He looks at Tony, who is nervously turning his coffee cup that’s already empty. He got nervous. Drank it all. His hands are jittery. 

“Hey,” he says carefully. “Long time no see. What’s it been, twelve hours?” 

“Something along those lines,” Tony says. 

“What brings us here?” 

“Feelings,” Tony responds, not even bothering to skirt around the subject. “I want to know why we broke up.” 

“Long distance,” Bucky says. 

“Bullshit,” Tony answers. “I know that’s bullshit. But I didn’t want to question it. Was there someone else for you, James? Was that it?” 

“No,” Bucky responds. “I thought...I didn’t want to be the one to come between you and someone else.” 

“And who would I have met?” Tony asks. 

“Someone else,” Bucky responds, leaning back. He looks defeated. Tired. 

“I didn’t want to meet anyone else,” Tony says. “I just liked that I met you. That I had you.” 

Bucky looks at him. 

“I didn’t want to break up,” he states. “I never wanted to. But I didn’t want to hold you back.” 

“You never could,” Tony says, grinning. His eyes are teary. “Darling, you could never hold me back.” 

He takes Bucky’s hand. 

Gives it one squeeze. 

“Ready to go home?” 

“Yes.” 

They walk down the street together, catching up on lost time. They both feel guilty. Both need to talk. But not now. Soon. 

[popculturebuffet]

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Athon! (Not Without My Pig You Don’t, Mistaken Identity, It’s Better To Have Loved and Lost It..., Papa’s Got A Brand New Excuse) (Commission for WeirdKev27)

Yo happy people, to Bel Air!, I’m Jake, I review stuff in longform posts and today i’m looking at 4 episodes one of my faviorite sitcoms, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air! Originally this was going to be a top 12 list but instead kev and I picked some of our faviorite episodes for me to take a look at. 

And the timing is suprisingly apt as while Kev had the idea months ago and I planned this a month out, last week marked the premire of bel-air, an edgy reboot that apparently has Carlton do cocaine and DOSEN’T make it as hilarious as that sounds. For the record I haven’t seen it yet and don’t have intrest: while the fan trailer that spawned this series was really good, the series itself looks like it was focus grouped to hell, resulting in a cliche looking teen drama that just happens to be a reboot of a much better sitcom. I’m far from anti-reboot, I feel you can bring new life into concepts.. but things like this that don’t seem to repspect the original (despite Will Smith himself being a producer), are WHY people are so averse to them. Also I’m not remotely a fan of how they made Uncle Phil skinny, as it feels disprepsectful to the dignity, grace and awesome James Avery brought to the role and if they were trying to phase out the fat jokes.. they coudl’ve done that WITHOUT slimming the character down. Their not mutually exclusive.

Anyways I was talking about the show you all actually care about right? Right.  So as should be obvious I love Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, having caught it on and off as a kid then glommed onto it HARD as a teen when it was on Nick at Nite and The N a lot. Fresh Prince is a clever sitcom that has aged incredibly well: the characters are memorable and throughly fleshed out, with almost all of them having an incredible level of Depth and growth over the series, the humor is pitch perfect with most of the jokes having aged remarkably for a sitcom and it’s handling of serious issues was remarkable, weaving them into the episodes instead of just doing a “very special episode”

It was a joy watching these episodes again and realizing just how well they ballanced serious topics like Being ashamed of your heritige, Racial Profiling, loosing your virginity to someone you thought had feelings for you but didn’t, and parental abndonment with goofy jokes. The show is in a class by itself and it’s my honor to honor it today so join me in bel-air under the cut as I look at some of the series best outings.

Not With My Pig, You Don’t (Season 1, Episode 4) 

When I presented Kev with doing some select episodes instead of a top 12 list,

most of the episodes we had in minds are the ones people talk about in pop culture: Will and Carlton’s Unjust arrest, will’s dad returning (both of which we’ll get too soon enough), Will and Carlton taking a black history course, the interacial wedding, and of course my faviorite joke of the entire series, only not covered because the Lisa plot in itself could be an entire arc I cover someday but presented here because I cannot fathom doing a specail on this show without presenting.. Mama No. 

Everything about this thing is purespun god tier perfection from Will Smith going full ham in the best way possible, to Carlton trying to join in forgetting for a moment he had sex, to Lisa’s dad’s shit eating grin, to it ending with “I just got mental pictures! Get out get out!” It’s one of the best scenes in the history of comedy and it never ceases to make me smile. 

Anyway out of all of those I brought up this episode, figuring it was a long shot since outside of Jose’s retrospective on the series, I hadn’t really heard this one brought up. So I was plesantly suprised that Kev not only remembered this one but picked it, as it was one of his faviorites too and rightfully so.

This ep sees Phil’s parents visiting, Hattie and Joe and they are a delight, two energetic old folks from Yamakraw, North Carolina, a far cry from where Phil’s ended up. And i’ts shown Phil deeply loves them: he sent his dad money for a nice suit (that his dad used to buy two cheaper ones, some fishing polls and some new tires, a man after my own heart), dotes on his mom and lets her take over the kitchen, something Geoffery is used to.

But it’s also shown that while he loves his parents.. Phil hides from his own past. He claims to be from baltimore to the point that even Will didn’t know where he came from, hides his farmboy heritage and the suit is a nice subtle symbol of him trying ot make his dad something he’s not. While Phil loves his parent’s he’s also clearly ashamed of where he came from and prefers the more “dignified” naritive of coming from the streets like his rich white collegues expect. 

I also appricate a rural background being treated with dignity. Sure Will naturally loves getting to call his uncle Zeke, finding out he had a pig and learning embarassing stories form his new grandparents (with Carlton cheerfully saying the more embarassing the better, a rare case of him not being on his dad’s side), we seem more of them than just two goofy out of towners when Hattie talks to will late at night after he tries to sneak in. She’s not going to rat him out but enjoys the company and reveals herself a strong dignified woman.. and that Phil did acomplish a lot as a kid. He was the first black presdient of his school’s 4h, four years running no less, which seems small. ,but it was still a first, and sometimes a first is all it takes. He also once used an all whites restroom after drinking too much lemondae, refusing to back down, stories that geninely impress will.

And so when a reporter who came to do a story, played by the wonderous Kathy Griffin who had a habit of showing up on sitcoms back then and whose hilarous as always here, tries to kill it because she finds it boring, Will uses these stories, not to mock Phil as you’d expect but to save it. The report scene is also just purespun comedy gold as the family recites robotic factoids about him while Carlton barely stays awake thanks to a sugar crash. 

Phil is furious, feeling that Will did so just to humilate him.. but will’s genine pride in bringing in the stories shows that Will, for once and in a nice show of early depth much like the piano bit from the pilot didn’t. He’s geninely proud of his uncle.. and Phil isn’t , calling himself a ‘Hick from yamakraw”.. and pissing off his mom who in natural sitcom fashion overhears and chews him the hell out over his clasist bullshit. It handles the subject well: again Phil likely did this to fit in with his white upper class collegues.. but in doing so erased who he used to be and unfairly erased his parents. 

After his mom makes a scene a tthe dinner table to make a point, Phil and Will have a heart to heart, with Will again emphasising he geninely enjoyed those stories and that their things to be proud of.. that Phil shoudln’t be ashamed of who he was but embrace it and where he comes from no matter what other people think. He had two parents who loved him, raised him and worked every day to give them the opportunies they didn’t.. and in a loving speech he emphasises that.

This ep is a great early character piece, showing more depth from Phil both in the struggles he faced and the family that supported him, while also showing his wealth was earned: he’s a rare case of the american dream of working hard and doing everything right working.. but only because he had one hell of a support system to help him achieve those dreams and still had to fight like hell to get there. It’s truly great stuff and i’m glad I wasn’t the only one who thought so. 

Mistaken Identity (Season 1, Episode 6)

Two episodes later we have another classic.. and what shoudl’ve been a sign to white dumbasses like myself that racial profiling was such a massive, systemic issue. 

Part of what makes this episode work is the bait and switch: while going into it NOW you know it’s about Will and Carlton getting falsely accused and arrested by racist cops, especailly after Geroge Floyd, most first time watchers just see what looks like the start of a wacky road trip ep: Vi and Phil go to Palm Springs to watch a game with Firth, Phil’s Lawfirm Partner and friend who shows up ocasinally in season 1 then vanishes. Since their going by helicopter will talks firth into having an upstanding young man drive the car down. And since Firth picked carlton, Will naturally tags along, making his presence known with one of my faviorite gags in the series. Still can’t beat mama no but I can’t help but love it. 

It’s not just because I love the fred man either, Carlton’s singing, the slow claw reveal, Will’s laughter it all just works and the first 5 minutes or so are just pure hilarity as Will clowns on Carlton. It probably dosen’t need to be said but i’ll say it any time of day: Will and Alphonso just have pitch perfect chemistry. While Carlton was clearly intended to be more of an intellectual preppy nemisis for will, something Bel-Air used for some reason, it was clear he worked better as the naive, straight laced tom jones loving foil to Will, able to best him or ground him once in a while. Both bring the best out in each other both comedically and as people, and the two’s evolutions from enemies to brothers feels natural as all hell. 

Of course the fun stops as they get pulled over by a racist cop, played by of all people Hank Azaria, who takes the two for car theives they’ve been looking for.. because their black and driving a nice car. That’s it and the episode dosent remotely sugarcoat it. It avoids showing actual brutality, but the racisim on dispaly is clear from the minute go. As Will himself puts it later “When your driving a nice car in a strange neighborhood they only see one thing“. Our heroes fail to get anyone on the phone, and while we get some gloriously funny bits with Bob, the operatic singer in the cell next to them who soon grows on the boys nerves but Will still loves the guy (As do I, where’s a bob spinoff?).  Will cleverly finds their way out though: since their parents are watching the game, he simply fakes a comparision, hamming it up to the point. And a nice detail is when Phil and Vivian see it.. they instantly get exactly what happened and are horrified... not suprised.. just horrified. 

The following police station scene is a thing of beauty as Viv is five seconds from rightfully decking the racist cops in the face when he tries to dismiss her and while Phil tries to play it calm the prick’s assholish, racist, dismisive behavior quickly gets us the glory tha tis a pissed off phillips banks, with al lthe dignity, fury and awesome James Avery posseses.. .and once Firth shows up to confirm they had the wrong person, he tears the fucker apart in glorious fashion that you have to see

These two are couple goals incarnate. I also love the subtle shows of racisim: sheriff asshole brushes phil off.. but gladly greet firth... and then shits himself when he realizes how badly up a creek he is. 

But the ending underlines how lucky our heroes are, as Carlton tries to brush the incident off as an accident.. and Will hammers home it wasn’t. They were arrested simply for driving while black, it happens all the time, and the system is broken. They only escaped it because they happened to have rich lawer parents and even then sometimes that won’t be enough to escape the racisim that has it’s roots deep in the system. And while Carlton tries to shrug will off... one line from his dad clearly breaks the poor guy “I asked myself questions like that the first time I was stopped. Goodnight son”. The episode ends not on a button or any kind of hope bu ton Carlton simply saying “I would’ve stopped”... trying to convince the one person left he can.. himself. And he’s failing. 

It’s Better To Have Loved and Lost It...  (Season 4, Episode 5) I had to do at least one full bore carlton episode, though the last one is important for him, this one is clearly his time. We jump to season 4 for the next two, not intended but hey it works, as our heroes are now in college and we tackle a marginally less serious but still resonant issue: Virgnity and the pressure to loose it. 

In this case we open with a poker game with Will, Carlton, Jazz and....

Seriously he’s just some random guy in a purple jersey whose there soley to give Jazz a sidekick... and you have to really question your life choices when your the sidekick to the main characters’ sidekick. They swap stories about loosing their virginity, with ????? giving an impossible story about somehow loosing his virginity in bel air despite coming from elsewhere, Will loosing his virginity as a going away president and Jazz loosing his for the low low price of 35 bucks. All fitting. Carlton hasn’t though, something PersonMan and Jazz hone in on and in a nice show of how far they’ve come Will tries to stick up for Carlton with a lie. And in a show of how far he’s come, Carlton stands up to both Jazz and MouthFace, saying he’s waitin gfor the right woman. Even if they mock him and while Jazz likely just got the usual treatment offscreen...

NamelessSteve gets erased from existnce for defying the will of my lord and savior  the almighty carlton. And I like Carlton’s attiude here: he dosen’t remotely cave to any pressures, is willing to wait for the right time, and takes their mocking bullshit in stride. He’s waiting for his dream girl despite Will saying he has to loose it because he’s in COLLEGE nad that purity stuf is HIGH SCHOOL MAN. Yeah if you don’t loose it in college you end up like me! Getting paid to do reviews on the internet! Carlton don’t loose your virginity I want to see that. 

But naturally as is sitcom law we can’t bring up Carlton’s a virgin and not have an episode about it so Carlton instead encounters a sophisticated woman who happens to be an intellectual bombshell like he wanted and when he finds out she loves Tom Jones, america’s sweetheart, he makes that face.. a face i’m saving for the future. Seriously Alphonso was a comedic genius.. I mean i’m glad he’s still employed reguarlly with America’s Funniest Home Videos, but I do wish he’d get something comedic to do again. He did not get the career he deserved. 

So the two have a romantic evening at the tom jones museum, and I do so love the fact i’m getting PAID to type that, and afterwords go back to her place and i’m going to follow this episodes lead in showing what happens next  using visual metaphors

So naturally Carlton shuffles in next morning doing a post coital carlton which leads to a great bit where Will and Carlton talk about it in code since Ashley enters.. only for this exchange to cap off them poorly disgusing it

Hilary: What were they on about? Ashley: Carlton had sex. 

I mean I get not wanting to talk sex in front of your baby sister but.. you guys have a place on the proprety. Just wait five minutes. 

Anyways things naturally go poorly though as at a benfiet the next night Carlton finds out his sweetie is actually the dean’s wife and it was a one time thing, which devistates the poor guy. Will chases after him to his tree house, leading to some great phsyical comedy from will smith and an even better heart to heart as Carlton bemoans his situation and Will admits that while it does suck, he also pressured carlton a bit, and apologizes for that, a geninely sweet moment of Will cutting the macho bullshit and being a good brother to Carlton. 

There’s also the subplot which I could brush over like I did with the “Hillary babysits ashley subplot” that took up about 2 minutes worth of screentime, but I won’t because it’s one of the series funniest. The Ethics Comitte is investigating judges which makes Geoffry unusually jittery, and Jospeh Marcell gets a ton of great bits as Geoffry breaks plates and panics. Eventually he gets more as Geoffrey unveils his secret shame via documentary: as a young man he ran for England in the olympics, cheated using a cab and was a disgrace, hence why he’s in america now. It’s a hilarious bit with Marcell in an even more hilarious fake wig. The family laughs it off though... mostly because as Phil points out they don’t care what the servant does and this has no bearing on Phil’s career or any secret dirt he’s hiding. It’s just embarassing. All in all a fantastic ep, as was the previous one I just felt I had too good an ending. And spoilers the next is dope as fuck.. observe

Papa’s Got A Brand New Excuse (Season 4, Episode 24) 

Now this is the big one. If I only got to do one of these, it woul’dve been this one. This is easily the show’s best episode, one of it’s most notable and certainly it’s most heartwrenching, in thanks to one hell of a performance drawn from real life at the end. But we have a journey to take first so...

So we open at the Peacock, the cafe/school store Will and Carlton run, where a mystery man has been watching will all morning and it’s understandably freaking him out. Carlton thinking he’s a cop leads to a great bit where he tells will to confess and he almost does.. before turning around and dope slapping carlton because he hasn’t done anything. The feds know about his poker shack out in the swamp. As long as he turns state’s witness on guy who no longer exists, he’s clean. 

As you likely know and if you don’t you can tell from the title, the man is will’s Dad Lou. Previous episodes established he ran out on Will when he was young and the episode establishes Will hasn’t seen the fucker in 14 years, so the reunion’s a bit frought. Will does want to try having something and thus invites him over. This goes over about as well with Phil as denying him his pillowy mounds of mash potatoes, and Viv is only slightly more accepting, ONLY letting the fucker in because it’s clearly what will wants. Lou apologizes, makes excuses simple stuff and while the pain’s still clearly there as seen at the carnival, Will slowly let’s lou into his heart, proudly calling him his dad. 

Phil continues to simmer in his anger though, while Viv assures vi their being careful. We also get some great bits with Hillary on and off as, being hillary, she dosen’t remotely mince words about him being a deadbeat. Geoffery.. is less on his game as he acts like more of an asshole than usual. And usually it’s just being a dick to Phil , his boss whose probably had him do some fairly embarassing things, so it’s fair. We all wish we could be Geoff to our bosses.  But here he purposfully DOSEN’T tell Viv about Lou coming after will asked for his own amusment and needles Uncle Phil.. which again normally fine but here Phil is seriously struggling with this and dosen’t need this crap nor Geoffery’s plans to murder him in his sleep. I mean again I get it but time nad place man. 

Phil finally explodes when Will announces he’s spending the summer with his dad, not wanting Will to get hurt, leading to Will to outburst that “your not my father”... which is painful given at this point Phil  is very much Will’s dad. The banks have gone from people taking care of will to as much his family as his mother. So it hurts even if Will regrets it. Phil however comes around and visits Will at the poolhouse (Whiel Carlton does some micheal bolton redecoratin), and gives him his blessing. I also would like to point out the dope posters Will has, the first covers of each of the flagship Milestone Comics: Static, Icon, Blood Syndicate and Hardware. It’s a nice little nod and I fully buy will and carlton would be into Milestone Comics. Good stuff. 

But of course... Lou let’s will down. He plans to leave, needing a second on the trip instead of will, and not really planning to meet up with Will despite Phil being more than willing to fly his nephew-son out there. He also TRIES to leave without telling will.. which leads to another classic Phillip Banks tearing a man to ribbons with words, pointing out what a dick he is, what a terrible person is and how much he’s disapointed in lou. He may hate the guy.. but he WANTED this for Will. Will is suprisingly quick to brush it off, seemingly taking Lou’s crap and abdnonment well.. but pointedly calls the man lou and breaks down after in one of the finest scenes in tv history. Yes I went there. I stand by it. Will Smith’s acting here is world class, and as James Avery himself told Smith “That’s fucking acting’ every bit of it is glorious.. but the best is after will’s long rant the punctuation that tears your soul apart: “How come he don’t want me man?” Will letting his guard down again.. and this time in the most painful way possible wondering WHY his dad is like this and keeps walking out on him and why he let him and why does it hurt so much... and with one tearful embrace... he accepts his true dad with no words needed.

Thank you for reading and god bless this series. 

Patreon

[korissideblog]

Ok! ONE more actor AU post, then I’ll start switching Aito’s quirk <3

(if you have any recommendations for that btw, send an ask lol)

[work in progress!!]

[We need to get this out for next week’s issue. Ichiro’s working on the visuals, you guys make the transcript look nice.]

[yes sir.]

[Aye boss!]

[You got it]

Hello! I’m Kiyoshi Ono, joined here today by none other than Shishio Ramos! Actor in the new series Kimi no Hīrō Akademia!

Hi! [awe! This kid is so sweet] [He’s barely said anything yet] [hush!]

Hi there Ramos! Could you tell us what this new series is going to be about, and who you’re playing?

Oh yeah! Totally! Well- pretty much it’s a highschool for super powered kids, where[nice][Nice!][?][look at the word count!][juveniles]they each can show off their special abilities and train to become pro heroes! Pro being taken literally there- they’re training to become professional heroes! It’s a really fun thing. Ah- and my character is Aito Takao! Takao’s a silly sort of character- kinda like a villain but she’s on the hero’s side in the end. She’s comic relief for when things get too heavy- mostly because she doesn’t care about what’s making everyone else all bummed out [laughter] yeah- she’s a really narcissistic character- but she’s funny so it’s ok.

Yes, my daughter read the manga that inspired Kimi no Hīrō Akademia, and she says that you guys are making a lot of changes- specifically to Takao?

Oh- yeah [laughter] we’re making a couple changes. Takao’s gonna have the same personality and stuff- don’t worry fans- but… you know, we’ll be adjusting a couple things to make Takao an easier role for me to play. He’ll be going by she/him pronouns for one-

She/Him pronouns?

-yeah! Takao’s gonna be genderfluid! For those who don’t know, there’s a ton of different ways to be genderfluid, but the way that I’m gonna portray Takao as- you know, the way I am- pretty much he’s gonna be kinda a little mix of boy and girl? Ah- it’s kinda hard to explain without getting into a lot of different topics, but- pretty much what the audience has to know is that you could refer to Takao with both he/him and she/her pronouns, and his uniform is gonna be both slacks and a skirt! [Ahhh! I just adore Ramos <333] [he’s just explaining gender presentation?][I KNOW!!!]

Alright, good to know! Anything else you think the fans would like to know about changes?

Yes actually! So- in the manga, both Takao’s parents are like, super dead [laughter] but! The writers thought it would be more fun to [nice] [juvenile][JUVENILE!!!] keep Takao’s mother alive, and be kinda ambiguous with his dad. I won’t go too much into it- but I think new and returning fans of the series are really gonna like it!

Perfect! Now, let’s talk more about you

Oh boy-

[laughter] Don’t worry Ramos- I just wanna learn a bit more about behind the scenes stuff. You’re just coming off Good Morning Nakamuras!, how would you describe the transition between Hanta Kobayashi and Aito Takao?

oh lord- [laughter] yeah yeah- there’s a lot of difference between the two. You can see it really prominently in the writing. Good Morning Nakamuras! was a family sitcom, so it was a lot of ‘someone says something’ ‘someone else says something’ ‘Hanta says something either funny or dumb’ and then a laugh track. Sometimes someone else would come after Hanta to carry the joke, but usually it was just that. [awe… I’m gonna miss Good Morning Nakamuras!] [same here, it was my mom’s favorite!] But with Takao, it’s a much faster pace. It’s just ‘someone says something’ and then immediately ‘Takao says something funny or dumb’ and then immediately back to ‘someone else says something’ and then ‘Takao says something funny or dumb.’ I-I don’t know if I’m explaining it well- it’s just that Takao talks all the time and always has something new or witty to say. He’s just a chatter box without a filter and- that’s kinda fun to do- I always get the final word and it’s always gonna get a laugh, you know? [have you guys seen the trailer yet?] [no, but my niece has! She’s really excited to see the premiere!!] [i have. it looks weird, but my brother is excited for it. his favorite is the blonde one i think]

There’s also the problem with the stunts, you know? Like- the worst of it on Nakamuras! was just the parts where I had to jump the fence, and even then it was just every couple of episodes. On KNHA I have to do all these cool fighting moves- and not to mention how deranged Takao is just… naturally [laughter] he’s just a very energetic guy with a fondness for climbing things- and people! Like you have no clue how tall someone is until your boss points at them and is like “hey, go climb them.” And you have to do it! The pro tip I’m gonna give people-climbers: it’s all in the legs [laughter] you just have to get your legs around them and pray that you don’t look as stupid as you feel. God- the worst part is when you’re climbing someone who's the same height as you! Hiroharu’s actor is about my height, and I have to climb him all the damn time. It feels like you’re gonna crush them, you know? Like you just have to be as light as possible and hope and pray that they can support you. And- and I know that he can, you know? Like me and him have the same personal trainer, and Kyo-San doesn’t do “easy” [laughter] I know that he can hold me, there’s just always that fear you know?

Oh definitely- and speaking of Hiroharu’s actor, we know you’re on the lower end of the age spectrum, do you think that affects how you all work together?

Oh no, definitely not! Yeah I’m younger than a lot of my coworkers, but not by much- 19, 20 in June. I mean I’m glad that I’m so young! Like I said- Hiroharu’s actor is about my height, and I’m like 173, and… you know… Hiroharu’s actor is over 21 I think- he sometimes offers to get drinks with us, so he’s definitely 21 and up- and I hear people stop growing after 18…

What? [laughter] What are your tying to say?

Oh my god wait- wait you can’t leave that in! I work with that guy! I can’t call him short in an interview before the show actually starts- ohh no! Oh god!

The average man’s height is 175!

Oh- ah I’m sure- I’m sure that-that’s true- oh my god-

I’m 174!

Oh my god we can’t leave this in! [laughter] oh my god- I’m sorry I just- I come from a tall family so sometimes I forget that- that you know people- oh my god we have to cut this out [laughter] [make sure to remove this bit] [awe! But it’s funny!!] [we’ll literally be sued if we don’t] [you two are no fun :(]

But yeah, age doesn’t really get in the way of things. We’re all good friends on set- especially Hoshizawa’s actor! Him and Shimoda-san are really cool guys, I love hanging out with them!

Shimoda-san? As in Kosuke Shimoda?

Yes! Shimoda-san plays Ikuto Maekawa, and since our characters are such great friends, I’d like to think we are as well! He’s a real fun guy, and I’m excited to work with such a huge talent- everyone- everyone there is so talented and I’m so lucky to be there.

Ah, speaking of talent. While a large portion of the cast is hidden, we have seen some familiar faces in the trailer. We’ve also seen some familiar faces on social media…

Oh my god-

[laughter] you never publicly addressed it, Ramos! Do you want to talk about your fight with Bryce Aoki?

Oh lord… [laughter] everyone’s so dramatic- so it wasn’t a fight- it’s just- ok so we had a little scene together where I would push him out of frame, but he wanted to still be seen and I was fine with that. Choreography is very important to me, so we had a passionate discussion-

Passionate discussion that ended with Aoki getting a black eye?

That- [laughter] that was an accident! I was- so we were practicing by the makeup desks- bad decision I know, but- stop looking at me like that! [laughter] It was just- we’re standing like we would in the scene, and I go to shove him- and- and I’m aiming for his head but- but maybe I accidentally hit his eye - and he absolutely wipes out, like this kid’s on the ground and I’m like “holy sh*t I just punched a kid” you know? [laughter] [she’s like, barely a year older than him…] but! Bryce is a sweetheart, and luckily he’s alright-

He got a black eye! He posted about it!

Oh he! He’s just a bit dramatic! He’s an actor though, it’s our jobs to be a bit looney [laughter]

Alright then, it seems we've run out of time for tonight. Anything you want to say?

Yes! I want to wish everyone a lovely evening! Thank you for the support! -And make sure to watch Kimi No Hīrō Akademia when it comes out this summer!

[doubleca5t]

What Your Favorite Marvel (Avengers) Ship Says About You

HUGE shoutout to @runawaymarbles for helping me put this one together. Couldn’t have done it without you!!

Transcription below the cut

Stucky (Steve/Bucky) - Whenever you see a really long fic tagged “hurt/comfort” your eyes go wide because you know what you’re going to be doing until 3am

Pepperony (Pepper/Tony) - You thought 50 Shades of Grey would have been better if the girl was the dom

Stony (Steve/Tony) - Your ideal relationship dynamic is a bickering married couple

Starmora (Peter Quil/Gamora) - Your ideal relationship dynamic is sitcom wife/sitcom husband

Iron Husbands (Rhodey/Tony) - Your ideal relationships dynamic is that meme that’s like “hoe don’t do it… oh my god” but somehow both partners are the hoe

Clintasha (Clint/Natasha) - You think the avengers movies just haven’t been as good since the first one

FrostIron (Loki/Tony) - You don’t understand the people who think these movies have too many jokes and quips. As far as you’re concerned, they don’t have enough.

Thorki (Loki/Thor) - You were writing supernatural slash BEFORE Castiel was introduced

Science Boyfriends (Bruce/Tony) - You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of doing science

Iron Winter (Tony/Bucky) - You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of wanting to kill each other

Winter Widow (Bucky/Natasha) - You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of shared trauma

Phlint (Phil/Clint) - You are a firm believer in ignoring the main cast in favor of the funny side characters

Steggy (Steve/Peggy) - You just wanted good things for Peggy, and really, who wouldn’t?

IronDad [Yes I know this is the platonic ship name and it should actually be called Starker. I fucked up, okay. Hoobastank voice I’m not a perfect person] (Tony/Peter Paker) - You unironically browse the teacher crush tag on tumblr (FBI OPEN UP!!!)

SamSteve (Sam/Steve) - You think the concept of opposites attract is HIGHLY overrated

Romanogers (Natasha/Steve) - You think the concept of opposites attract cannot be highly rated enough

Scarlet Vision (Wanda/Vision) - You’re always a slut for awkward nerds

Claura (Clint/Laura) - You’re always a slut for retiring to the country to live a quiet life

Fosterson (Jane/Thor) - You’re always a slut for a good romcom

Thunderscience (Thor/Bruce) - You’re also a slut for a good romcom, but your definition of a romcom includes Thor Ragnarok

IronStrange (Tony/Dr. Strange) - I was gonna say this is just the same joke as Steve and Tony but even moreso, but I don’t know if a pairing can qualify for bickering married couple status if they never liked each other in the first place

Winterhawk (Bucky/Clint) - You downloaded the Jeremy Renner app

Shieldshock (Steve/Darcy) - I can’t guarantee that you’ve masturbated to that clip of Steve splitting a piece of wood in half with his bare hands, but it’s a very real possibility

Tasertricks (Darcy/Loki) - I can’t guarantee that you wrote self-insert x Draco fanfic growing up, but it’s a very real possibility.

Brutasha (Bruce/Natasha) - You don’t get what all the hate was about, Age of Ultron was great!

SamBucky (Sam/Bucky) - You think the best way to resolve a love triangle is by ignoring the axis

Wintershock (Bucky/Darcy) - Your favorite Disney movie is Beauty and the Beast

Blackhill (Natasha/Maria Hill) - You’re just here for some secret agent women

Black Pepper (Pepper/Natasha) - You’re just here for some women who can step on you

Warfrost (Sif/Loki) - You’re just here for some MEN 👏 GETTING 👏 PEGGED 👏

Thundershield (Thor/Steve) - You don’t understand people who think the term “himbo” is overused. If anything, you think it isn’t being used enough.

Frostshield (Loki/Steve) - You believe every good lawful good paladin needs a chaotic neutral bard to balance him out

Danbeau (Carol/Maria Rambeau) - You just want good things for Carol, and really, who wouldn’t? Well I know who wouldn’t but we don’t have to get into that.

[insertdragonpun]

I'm trying to fall asleep but all I can think about is if the fucking Greek pantheon was a sitcom.

Zeus and Hera have a fuck ton of kids, and a whole lot of marital problems to boot. They're an old couple and to them divorce ain't an option.

Speaking of them being an old couple what do you think their reactions to all of their kids are? Apollo, the bi thot; Athena, the aro-ace queen among men; Hephestus, crippled and ready to smash your face in with his hammer; honestly I could go on and on people.

I don't remember what telling I heard it from but someone said that Aphrodite appeared like your perfect dream partner or someshit, so... genderfluid Aphrodite anyone?

But this old timey couple (who in my mind dress like it's the 60s because those outfits smacking) live in a rather large house, the audience has no idea how large because each episode there is a new room. Half of their kids live with them the other live near so they just hang around. Posidon pops in every once in a while. Hades and Persephone stop by on holidays to say hello, Persephone has tea with Hera every now and then letting the poor woman vent. And a whole lot of fuckery happens.

I can just imagine the intro to one episode where it's like, Hera doing something and goes to Zeus's room (they don't share a room for obvious reasons) to show him something finds him doing the do with some random woman, and poof the woman is now a cow and Hera just closes the door behind her.

Oh did you think this would be people with the names and characteristics of the Greek gods? Fuck no.

It's literally a bunch of Greek myths and stories crammed in a modern day setting.

Now as much as I would love a normal sitcom with these fuckos imagine if it slowly devolved to madness over time? Gradually but sudden in the say way when watching a cartoon you don't realize a change in the graphics unless someone points it out or you rewatch it.

You start with the main couple's wedding and early days marriage, it's nice. The keep mentioning this one guy, but you presume he was a business partner that they cut ties with? They have a few kids and then Zeus starts his shenanigans. Athena joins the cast as an eight year old, no one questions her being there, eventually the audience does as well. Greek themed family shenanigans insue.

Then things start getting weird, the family keeps mentioning something that the audience doesn't get to know quite yet. Something big and important. The family takes sides then after a few episodes of behind the scenes tension someone mentions how clever that horse trick was. Now the audience knows the fucking Trojan war happened.

I want the audience to have one of those moments where they connect random dots that were forming in their minds over seasons and seasons of this show, and I want it to happen when Apollo stops by the house in tears. Holding a potted plant. A flower. Anyone with a decent knowledge on Greek mythos might put together that this would be his previous lover, now dead. Anyone without that knowledge will get it hinted at the entire episode until the last minute right before the credits where Apollo plants the flower, placing the device that killed him next to it. A small breeze blows the leaves and a soft curse escapes Apollo's lips. A faint figure appears for merely a second and then vanishes once more into the wind.

I want the audience to cry for a character that they never saw on screen. I want the audience to scream at the TV yelling at what idiots or assholes the gods are being. I want the audience to realize that the characters aren't growing up, sure one may be a kid one episode but the next they're a full blown adult with a job. No birthday episodes, no coming of age episodes. I want the audience to realize that Zeus and Hera haven't aged a single day since the first episode.

I also want everyone including the audience to want Hera and Zeus to get a fucking divorce already.

I want the final episode to really hit different. The man they always mentioned in the earlier seasons? It's Kronos, their father. Yep, I want the last episode to drop the bomb that Zeus and Hera are brother and sister in this universe. I want people to realize that those jokes they made about when they were young? Nope, not childhood friends. Hell, they didn't even know each other until Zeus made Kronos reverse-vore all of his siblings.

I want a Greek pantheon sitcom that makes you laugh and smile and then cry and cringe in disgust. Is that too much to ask?

[samwrights]

First Year Daddies (+ Kyoutani!)

I’m trying to spread out my requests—I have a whole bunch of Kuroo ones that I swear he is my most requested person. So let’s take a break from our beloved rooster and get some daddies up in this! That being said, this will kinda be a part 2 to Karasuno as dads, with the addition of our beloved Mad Dog. @dreamyjaems you know what’s up.

Kageyama;

Alright, let’s redeem Kags cause I did him dirty last time.

It took him sometime to get used to being a parent, but when he finally got it down, he loved every second of it.

Your daughter, now five years old, loves daddy just as much as he loves her.

Now that you’d gone back to work and the two of you had some semblance of a schedule, Kageyama was 100% in charge of childcare while you worked in the morning.

Lucky break for the two of you that Kags didn’t start practice until the afternoon, giving him time to take your little girl to kindergarten with you picking her up.

It was the same routine every morning—mommy goes to work and daddy makes pancakes while putting on Disney movies.

Always a short stack and he made sure to cut it up just the way his little girl liked it—into 16 pieces. Yes, 16. No more, no less.

Your daughter was a lucky little bugger, getting her fathers thick, silky hair. By this age, it’s incredibly long and Kags always brushes it and does it nicely before taking her to school, then off to work he goes.

His locksreen is definitely a picture of him and his daughter. It gets him through the day.

After picking up your child from school, you help her with homework since Kags won’t be home until later.

Sometimes, it really shocks you just how lucky the two of you got for having such a well behaved kid—super low maintenance, doesn’t really cause trouble. That is, until she starts missing her dad.

Yes, she is a hardcore daddy’s girl 💀

Usually, it’s around dinner time that she gets fussy because Kageyama will be waking through the door any minute and that minute canNOT pass soon enough. She’s more like you than you think.

“Hi sweetie,” you call out while you know for a fact he’s scooping up his little bean in his arms before coming to give you a kiss. Routine was nice that way.

The three of you go about your evening as per usual—having dinner together, you giving your little one a bath and Kageyama reading her to bed so that the two of you can cuddle up on the couch before turning in for the evening.

After he finishes reading, he joins you for your quiet time, seeing that you’re watching a movie and drinking a glass of wine. “I wanted to talk to you about...something.” He says stiffly. You quirk a brow at him after hitting pause, patiently waiting for him to continue. “How...how would you feel about having another one?”

“Another glass of wine? Hell yeah.”

“[name], no. Another kid.” Oh. Well, this is a shocking turn of events. Kageyama, the barely legal adult that initially had no idea whether or not was ready to be a father, wanted another child.

“Are you sure, Tobio?” Was all you responded with.

“Obviously, since I’m asking you,” there’s a twinge in his voice that you aren’t sure you’ve heard before. Not quite begging, per se. perhaps imploring was a better word for it? “I love our family and I just want it to keep growing.”

This was such a far cry from the man that Kageyama Tobio was six years ago when you first found out you were pregnant, and you would be lying if you said that his admission didn’t turn you on in the slightest.

“Well we’ve got some work to do then, buddy.”

Hinata;

Hinata Shoyo finally got his wish. With his son, now 10, and daughter, now 8, your youngest daughter was nearing her terrible twos.

There was nothing more in the world that your newest baby loved more than daddy.

It was actually kind of irritating, actually, because if Shoyo wasn’t home, she would cry and throw temper tantrums until your husband walked through the door.

Shit, it even irritated your other two kids who, in order to avoid it all, would usually be at their friend’s houses doing homework and hanging out until they knew their dad would be home.

If only you were able to do the same.

The second that Sho walked through the door, every sound in the Hinata household ceases, as if your toddler wasn’t just screaming her lungs out moments ago.

“Hi, princess! Did you miss daddy today? I know I missed you a whole bunch!”

On god, he is such a good dad it hurts. He’s gotten even better since the addition of the youngest.

“Hi sweetheart,” you greet with a quick peck onto his lips. His daughter, and yes very specifically the almost two-year-old is his daughter, grunts in discomfort despite being held by dad. She doesn’t like the fact that you took dad’s attention away for a second. “Oh, quiet you.” You grumble at her.

“[name]! Be nice to angel!” You roll your eyes at him instead. As if you haven’t raised your last two kids, who were now walking in the door. “Come on, pumpkin, let’s go get some food in our bellies!”

Hinata places her in her high chair, obnoxiously making little airplane noises as he feeds her. Spoiled little brat.

“Mom,” your son starts cautiously, looking back and forth between his father and baby sister. “Was dad always like this?” He asks, referring to the overly enthusiastic train noises your husband was making.

“No, honey.”

“Okay, just making sure he hasn’t been a dork our entire lives.”

“Oh, that? Yeah.”

Tsukishima;

It needs to be reiterated, you felt, that Tsukki is an amazing father.

Your oldest and Kei’s step-daughter, now 12, and your youngest daughter, now 7, would vehemently agree.

They never did actually grow out of the habit of calling him Tsukki, as opposed to dad. Though when speaking to other people, they both referred to him as their father.

It was quite endearing, actually. Your family was happy with the way things were, even if they were slightly unconventional.

Sunday mornings were family days—an adamant rule in the Tsukishima household. Kei would be in charge of making breakfast while you and the girls blasted some upbeat music while tidying up your rooms.

While Kei does not find Kesha and Lizzo to be “the classics” as you so put it while you cleaned, he did find it amusing to see all three Tsukishima women dancing and singing while cleaning.

Lowkey, it warmed his heart to know these were the three women of his life.

Kei is still the same protective dad he was even before having his own child—it only got worse when your oldest started showing an interest in the opposite gender.

Ya know how he wasn’t afraid to fight a toddler for his little girl? He’s definitely not afraid to fight some middle school punk.

Especially when your oldest comes home bawling her eyes out because she had decided to confess to the boy she liked and he had said he didn’t return feelings.

No matter how much you tried to console her, nothing you said seemed to work. It was dad’s turn.

Tsukki sits her down, his face as serious as ever, before adjusting his glasses to look at his step-daughter clearly. “Don’t tell mom that I said this, but boys ain’t shit.” 💀💀💀

“Ooooh, Tsukki said a bad word.” She joked in between her now calming tears.

“It’s true, though. Now come on, chin up. Princesses can’t have their heads down, their crowns will fall off.”

Yamaguchi;

Despite the years of torture and struggle that was raising your twin hellions, Tadashi was kind of feeling a little empty now that the boys had grown into being more independent.

They were now seven-years-old, in sports, getting good grades—it’s like they were replaced with a different set of twins.

However, this also grants Tadashi the chance to actually step in and be a father, rather than letting those two run him ragged all day.

I see Yamaguchi being a slightly more strict parent, but loving nonetheless. Because the twins have always sort have been troublemakers, he’s strict on making sure the boys are home in time for dinner and that their schoolwork is done.

If they aren’t 💀💀💀

Honestly, your guys’ life though is just all around peaceful and a small part of you is longing for chaos.

So before the two of you head to sleep for the evening, your both just chilling in bed, maybe reading a book. Ya know, like 90s sitcom style.

“Hey Tadashi, can I ask you something?” That was never a good sign in his book, but he looks at you expectantly, waiting for you to proceed. “How would you feel if we had another kid?”

“Wait, are you pregnant?” You certainly didn’t miss the panic that filled his eyes. Oh. There’s your answer.

“No...I just...kinda miss holding a baby, ya know? Our boys are seven now, they don’t want mom anywhere near them and they think my hugs and kisses are gross.”

Ngl, it kinda hurts him to hear that because he knows it hurts you. All he wants to do his make you feel better.

“I mean, I’m not opposed I’m just—“

“Scared the next one is gonna turn out the same way?” He laughs at the fact that you know him so well. “Don’t get me wrong, I am too. But in the end, we raised them so well. I don’t think we’ll have anything to worry about.”

Kyoutani;

The two of you never ceased to surprise anyone.

At first, it started with the two of you dating in your third years of high school, all the way through college (which, it shocked some that he in enrolled in university at all), to bringing your three-year-old son to the class of 2014 reunion.

Where did people even begin? The fact that you two had been dating for ten years or the fact that the two of you were parents?

It bothered you when people made assumptions about Kentarou.

Yes, he was cold and brash and a complete pain in your ass, but he was a damn good life partner and father.

Kyoutani wasn’t satisfied with anything if he wasn’t giving it his all—that includes his relationship with you and your guys’ son.

While he isn’t necessarily the most affectionate person, he always made sure his little family had everything they needed.

Yahaba is the first one to approach the three of you, surprised to see Kentarou holding his little one. “Holy shit, I never thought I’d see the day.”

“Language.” Your boyfriend bites out. A small laugh escapes your lips as you pat him on the back in reassurance as you give Yahaba a hug.

“Nice to see you too, Shigeru.” The former setter looks between the two of you, then looks at your son.

“It’s so scary to see your mini-me with his eyes.”

“Don’t be rude.” You chide him calmly, while Kyoutani feels his blood boil slightly. That sounded like an insult to him. Wordlessly, he hands over your son before squaring up with his former teammate. “Honey, please don’t start a fight.”

You were one of the few people to calm him down; a given considering your decade together.

Backing down, Kentarou retreats to your side, securing an arm around his waist and placing a chaste kiss in his sons hair. Knowing his mannerisms, you knew that was an apology to his child for losing his cool for a minute.

“Holy shit.” Yahaba repeats, stunned by the display of affection

“Language!” Your boyfriend snarls again through clenched teeth, making you laugh again. The three of you were far from perfect, but you had everything you needed.

[adultswim2021]

Robot Chicken #6: “Gold Dust Gasoline” | March 6, 2005 – 11:30PM | S01E03

It’s time for more Robot Chicken, a show that i hate and hate writing about. Yipee. I need to note this somewhere, but seeing as how I hate this program I need to make one thing clear: I’m not intimately acquainted with these shows and their various versions. I do know for a fact a few episodes have required edits, and have had entire sketches excised because of various complicated rights issues and replaced by repeats of other sketches. I will use a Robot Chicken wiki as a guide here, so hopefully I am not lead astray.

This one has 4 “main” sketches, roughly. The first one is about unicorns (portrayed here by Ren & Stimpy’s Mr. Horse character) not making the maiden voyage of Noah’s Ark, along with other mythical creatures. I can’t think of anyone who has done this particular joke with the exception of Gary Larsen’s The Far Side, Animaniacs, Sid Caesar’s Your Show of Shows, Dan Piraro’s Bizarro, The Goon Show, The Shoebox Greeting Card Company, a Novella by Mark Twain, The cover of an issue of Punch magazine from 1918, me in 5th grade, and basically every single person on planet Earth with the mental capacity to write any type of joke. There’s no laughs, but I kinda smiled when Noah said “god hates freaks”. It’s only funny because it’s true (cuz I’m a freak!!!!)

“That 00′s Show” is a somewhat clever concept, with the actual cast of That 70′s Show doing the same style of show set in the 2000′s, making hindsight style observational jokes about texting and blogs. Topher Grace makes a point that the materialism of one age becomes sitcom fodder of tomorrow, and implores the viewer in a PSA-like fashion to not be a “douchebag", referring to the then-reasonable rage at trend-chasing technology early-adapters (basically: people texting too much). It’s a sentiment that itself has a new meaning with hindsight here in the 2020s, and not a good one. Oh well. A sketch like this focused on the hollowness of mocking fads could have been good, but ironically succumbs to it in a slightly different way. Then there’s an Insufferable one-joke thing where I guess it’s a stop-motion play created by a third-grade class? It’s completely unfunny, and tells the one joke of the limited capabilities of children. That’s it. There’s one actual attempt at a joke joke, and it comes from one of the kids just blurting out that he’s getting molested (not in those words; I forget what the joke was but it implied a “touched by an uncle” kind of thing). I couldn’t stand this one.

The last sketch kinda disturbed me to my core to the point where I needed some light soul-searching afterwards. The final sketch (long for Robot Chicken from what I read) is a Cannonball Run/Wacky Races type race between a bunch of different pop-culture icons. Burt Reynolds and Dom Deluise do the voices of J.J. McClure and Victor Prinzim respectively, reprising their old characters here as the guys heading up this race. There’s some tepid jokes about Mario Kart, The Dukes of Hazard, 60s Batman, Speed Racer, Knight Rider, CHiPs (what, did Moltar write this?), and a few others (only a couple I didn’t recognize at all).

Every single one of these listed pop-culture references is actually somewhat meaningful to me. They are all things that I either love, really like, or spent a lot of time with as kitsch I appreciate. And yet, these jokes, often somewhat specific and required a working knowledge of whatever character was on screen, did not make me laugh once. Did I appreciate it that they even mocked the bloopers of Cannonball Run during the credits (using actual audio outtakes)? No, not really. Besides, MTV’s The State did an homage to those in the 90s and I’d rather align myself with that even though they became limp-dick Biden voters.

Okay, wait: I did laugh once. It was the part where the kid from Speed Racer opens up the trunk to the Mach 5 so he can stowaway in it and there’s a dead hooker in the trunk; a gag that is so tiresome that you have to pretend that it’s brilliant anti-humor when Norm does it in Dirty Work. But here it’s funny because of the cartoony reaction the characters do. To be honest, I’ve seen little Speed Racer and it was a long time ago since I watched it, so I am 100% trusting that this is a funny animation reference to the show. It did make me laugh though, so that’s important.

The premise of Cannonball Run but with known pop-culture icons is remarkably close to a premise I wrote in my early 20s, and most of those ideas were written in the same spirit as Robot Chicken’s “patting yourself on the back for weaving together a bunch of references” was. It fills me with dread to reckon with the idea that the stuff I wrote in my 20s, which I thought was special, and precious, was already being done on TV on a show I despised enough to avoid, thus causing me to not already know this until I watched it as part of this blog. Like as Robot Chicken was airing, I was writing shit that was eerily similar to it and maybe even exactly as unfunny. Is there currently a show I’m turning my nose up that is already doing what I think I’m doing? I believe in originality less and less the older I get, and I’m convinced that it’s only an illusion when you’re young. But one thing is clear: I'd probably make a decent writer on Robot Chicken.

Space Ghost Coast to Coast #3: “Elevator” | May 6, 1994 | S01E03

A note about numbering: Space Ghost Coast to Coast episodes at a point started assigning numbers to it’s episodes, displayed at the end of said episode. I always use this number. The first season did not show episode numbers, so things are a little more up to interpretation. I usually number things based on a “preferred” viewing order, or what canonically makes sense. This is, in fact, the first episode of Space Ghost. It was the first produced, but was “held back like a poor student” as one producer remarked in the liner notes of the Space Ghost Coast to Coast “Limited Edition” CD. It appears first on the DVD. I could label this one as episode #1... but I think the fact that “Spanish Translation” is the one to get called back in the final episode canonically cements IT as the true first episode of Space Ghost.

This one is fairly guest-centric, with a yet-to-recur Judy Tenuta, the first-guest-to-die Dr. Timothy Leary, and the first-ever taped interview Ashley Judd. Judy is the funniest. She’s a shticky stand-up comic but I find her genuinely funny. The line “friends are just enemies that don’t have the guts to kill you” which is repeated often is a highlight. She’s almost performing a parody of stand-up, but I’m not sure she actually is.

Timothy Leary is a suitably “adults-only” guest, but they are on a children’s network so they dutifully tip-toe around the topic of explicit drug-use. But if you know, you know. Ashley Judd’s bit is comically short, and her interview set-up seems different from everyone else’s which could be the only reason they chose to use so little of it. The DVD commentary doesn’t seem to indicate that she was difficult or anything; one person asked if she was full of herself and everyone emphatically described her as lovely and sweet. 

I have to single one joke out in this, because for some reason I remember it really vividly and I think about it with a stunning amount of regularity, and it might be my least-favorite Space Ghost joke ever. It’s the part when Zorak claims there’s an episode of Golden Girls where they all eat contaminated Geritol and die. something about it seems extremely first-thought to me; it has the hollow trappings of a clever joke, but you’re reaching for the most obvious associations you could possibly reach for when the topic is Golden Girls and the joke is an evil mantis who gravitates towards the macabre is falsely recalling an episode plot. I almost didn’t mention this in my write-up, but I singled out what I thought was a GOOD joke on Robot Chicken, so I figured the flipside of that is pointing out a bad joke on Space Ghost. I should also note, for some reason, that I occasionally misremember it as being a bad Bobcat Goldthwait joke.

The only non-guest bits in here are a bloopers segment, and a very brief subplot about Moltar and Zorak attempting to escape on an elevator using footage from a Jack Benny movie. The liberal use of old Turner library footage was an early motif on the show that eventually faded away. The bloopers segment has a line I missed from other airings: Space Ghost blows up the directors car, who yells at him. “Sorry, Mr. Landis” Space Ghost says, a hilarious and sneaky reference to future rapist-thug Max Landis.

[awedbynature]

A Christmas Debt

Characters: Loki x Reader

Category: Chaptered Story

Genre: Romance/ Friendship/ Love

Synopsis: The reader renders a great service to Loki unknowingly. Not used to being in anyone's debt, our favourite God of Mischief offers a strange favour in return. Will the reader trust him enough to take up the offer?

Previous Chapters: Chapter One

P. C. Pinterest

A/N: Thor's story, as recounted by Loki in this chapter, is an actual tale recorded in the Norse Mythology.

Also,

There's kind of a gift hidden within the chapter. Click the coloured text below to find out!

______________________Loki_____________________

Chapter Two

'He did what?’

You try to shush Natasha the best you can. She is incredulous at the news. ‘Y/N, this is Loki. He has a million wiles. I don’t want you falling victim to any one of them.’

‘I know,' you sigh. ‘But it is such a tempting offer.’

Nat rolls her eyes. She has never fully trusted Loki, not even after all the missions they have served together. Loki had been vital to some of the crucial operations the Avengers have been to, and most of them have given him their grudging trust. Not her. But that’s how she is.

You take another sip of coffee. It’s almost midnight and most of the others are lounging around, stuffed with cookies and fudges and in most cases some amount of Tony's prized liquor collection. Loki is not there. Probably in his room.

Just as you're taking another sip, savouring the aroma of the richly baked beans, Wanda saunters up to the counter. She is new to all this but looks like she’s enjoying every bit of it. Wanda is closer to you in age than Pepper and Natasha. She is more like a best friend to you than a sister, unlike Nat and Pepper.

She pours herself a cup of coffee and casually throws a hand around your waist, leaning against the counter and taking in the scene before her.

‘I saw Loki go after you,' she frowns. ‘What was that about?’

At your nod, Nat tells her everything.

Her eyes widen at the mention of the offer. ‘Did he really say that?!’

You nod wearily.

Wanda puts down her cup with a decisive thump and turns to you. ‘Well, I, for one, am totally in for it!’

'Really?!’ you can see Nat rolling her eyes again.

‘Of course,' continues Wanda. ‘What’s the harm? You don’t have to worry about your siblings ribbing you at dinner anymore! Isn’t that a huge plus?’

'B-but what if they ask for details? How we met and all?’

‘Then you make up some shit. Tell them you two met on a mission, or something. It’s not like you’ve to lie to them forever. It’s just one day!’

You heave a sigh, torn between taking up and declining the offer. But the prospect of being made the butt of jokes at the dinner table holds less appeal than blatant lying on your part. In the end, Wanda wins. You give a tiny nod of acquiescence.

‘I don’t like the idea,' Nat grumbles.

Wanda huffs, rolling her eyes. ‘She’s going to be fine. Now c’mon and show me what you’re going to wear tomorrow. We need to work on that first.’

You let her drag you off to your room, all the while thinking how best to approach Loki without appearing pathetic and pitiable. It’s just for one evening, you convince yourself. After all what do you have to lose?

***

You should not have listened to Wanda. You should not have let your depressed, lonely heart dictate your decisions. With so many things happening last night, you have hardly had a moment to think if you’d be alright with this entire charade. But now, cooped up in the cab and speeding towards a possible disaster, you feel a familiar dread creeping up your limbs and settling in your stomach. All of a sudden, being the object of pity and mild ridicule seems much more bearable. You give an involuntary shiver.

‘Are you alright?’ Loki casts a concerned glance your way.

'Mmhmmm,' you choke out, hugging your arms and giving them a rub.

Loki arches an eyebrow. ‘Pardon me, Ms Y/SN, but you most definitely do not sound alright.’’

'I'm fine.’

You relapse into silence. The cab has left the city and is speeding down a suburban road now.

Your morose thoughts are suddenly interrupted by a chuckle. You turn to find Loki laughing quietly to himself. Somehow the sight of him being so relaxed and graceful irritates you.

‘Do you find this funny?’

‘No. You just suddenly reminded me of my brother,' he says, passing a hand over his face to wipe away the remnants of his grin. ‘I had that feeling of—what do you Midgardians call it—something that seems to have happened before?’

‘Deja vu?’’

'Yes. It was the only time I had seen him nervous. More nervous than a bride on her wedding day. How fitting since he was actually in a wedding dress.’

What!

He chuckles some more, as an image of his hulking brother in a short wedding dress flashes across your eyes. Despite yourself, you snort, feeling the prick of curiosity.

'Why was he dressed as a—’

‘As a bride?’ He finishes for you. ‘It’s a hilarious story.'

‘It begins with my oaf of a brother having his precious Mjollnir stolen from him. Under mysterious circumstances.’ He winks and folds his hands behind his head.

'This happened when we were barely adults but considered ourselves grown up enough to venture out in search of adventures. One day, Thor woke up and found his hammer gone. Thor being Thor, immediately suspected me. Not that I’m saying I stole it. There was not enough evidence and so he discarded the idea eventually. But his hammer was truly gone and he was feeling helpless without it. Fearing the Allfather's wrath, he came to me for a hasty and discreet solution. I used all in my power to locate the hammer. At last we received news that the king of the ogres had stolen it and was demanding Freyja's hand in marriage as ransom.’’

'Who's Freyja?’

‘She is one like us. A goddess. She was considered the most beautiful among the Aesir for her golden hair and her deportment.’ His eyes take a faraway look, perhaps remembering his childhood friend.

'Anyway. So the ogre king was demanding something absolutely impossible for us to grant, yet the stakes were too high. What do we do? We decided to take the advice of the Gatekeeper of the Realm, wise Heimdall. He thought long and hard and decided that someone should dress up as the bride and go and retrieve the hammer. But none were brave enough to volunteer. So it finally fell on Thor to be the bride. ‘But my beard, and my figure!’ he exclaimed incredulously. Nobody heard him, poor thing. They decked him up in the finest bridal clothes and jewellery and wove flowers into his hair and put a veil over his disgruntled face—beard and all. You would not have found a more reluctant bride in the nine realms, nor a more muscular one. I was to dress as his handmaid, but that was not difficult. I could easily shapeshift into a young maid.’

By now, you are wheezing, clutching at the driver’s seat to keep yourself from toppling over. Loki cocks his head, observing you with eyes dancing with mirth, a smirk playing on his lips. He is definitely enjoying telling the story as much as you are enjoying listening to it.

'What happened next?’

'The ogres were foolish enough to believe us. They led us to the wedding banquet where Thor polished off most of the food without any help. His exuberant eating did raise suspicion and quite a few eyebrows but I managed to quell them before it got out of hand.’

'When their king announced that it was time for the wedding, they brought in Mjollnir and placed it in Thor’s lap. And the rest is history. I can assure you, none of the ogres lived long enough to tell the tale.’

Both of you dissolve into hearty chuckles. Loki heaves a sigh and instantly turns serious, ‘Please don’t tell Thor I told you this story. He’ll have my head in a platter if he finds out.’ There is a twinkle in his eyes but his face has gone back to that expressionless mask that all are used to seeing.

'You have my word,’ you reply, suddenly remembering with whom you’ve been acting chummy.

The scene outside is rapidly changing. Clusters of suburban houses and complexes have given way to long stretches of greenery. Which means you’ll be arriving any moment.

With a jolt, you realise that you had completely forgotten about your anxiety and apprehension. You feel more relaxed now, more yourself. Because of Loki. He was looking out for you. He knew you were nervous and wanted to put you at ease.

For the first time, you look at Loki in a different light. He is very much the roguish, evil, beguiling demigod that once almost destroyed an entire city, but somewhere underneath all the barbs and untruths lies a heart that still cares.

'I'm not sure this is a good idea,' you finally voice your anxiety. ‘What if they find out that this is all a lie, a pretence?’

Loki lazily crosses his legs and regards you with a piercing gaze. ‘Ms Y/Sn, perhaps you’re forgetting whom you are with. I have lied our way out of far more life-threatening situations numerous times. Thor lives because of my lies. This is nothing.’

‘What if they ask how we met and our answers do not match! I’ve watched too any sitcoms to know where that’ll lead.’

‘Then tell them the truth.’

‘Of course not! How am I supposed to tell my family that I met my apparent boyfriend after he was captured and imprisoned for masterminding the destruction of a whole city! They would rather watch me die single.’

‘Fine,’ he concedes. ‘Tell them we met during an operation.’

You fiddle with the hem of your dress, not fully convinced. Wanda had insisted on your dressing elegantly, and you had ended up borrowing one of Pepper’s gowns. If anything, it only makes you more nervous. You feel like you’re dressed in borrowed feathers.

‘Don’t fret, alskling,’ he says after some time. ‘The main trick of telling a lie is confidence. People are more likely to believe a bald-faced lie over a stammering truth.’

The cab finally rolls to a stop. Heart in your throat, you look at the familiar house, the neat lawn in front now decked with Christmas decorations, the old whitewashed fence and the ancient sycamore with the tire swing still hanging. Nothing much has changed around here.

‘Allow me,' the soft, crisp words bring you back to the present. You turn to find Loki coming round to your side to hold the door open. His face has taken a softer expression, the perfect look of a man in love and happily so. Slipping in and out of façades comes to him as easily as breathing. No wonder they call him the God of Lies.

He holds out his hand, his lips drawn into a smile. ‘Come, Ms Y/Sn. Let us show them.’

Well, here goes nothing, you take a deep breath, and step out of the cab.

To be continued...

Chapter Three available now

Tags: @lucywrites02 @lilyofthesword @country-cowgirl-101 @benji-booxx @loki-hiddlestoner3024 @outlawangel2020 @thefallenbibliophilequote @idontknowstudios @just-the-hiddles @myraiswack @noturningbacknow @natandersonnla @twhiddlestonsstuff

[hottestthingalive]

Hi I want to hear more about the tommy-with-a-camera agenda, or any ideas like it, or any concepts/headcanons you think about... just anything really

oh anon. oh anon the power you've given me. oh the sharing my dsmp headcanons power. oh good golly gee willickers

anyways, camera au:

-tommy's camera broke while he was dead -- it had been on its last legs already, but being in a chest in a very hot prison buried under all of tommy's other belongings did it no favors. it was tubbo and ranboo who helped him fix it: ranboo paid for the materials, and tubbo showed him how to make the repairs. they were going to buy him a whole new one, but tubbo knew as soon as he saw tommy holding it (like a lifeline, like a saving grace, like the way he held the discs, long ago) that that wouldn't be an option. it works much better now that it's been fixed, and they even repainted it! 

-speaking of the camera, i firmly believe that tommy puts stickers all over that thing, as well as everything else. c!tommy has stickers person vibes. someone got him a sticker machine once and he's been obsessed with making his own stickers ever since. he also has a sticker collection. something something the inherent impermanence of stickers and tommy managing to love them anyways, and painstakingly collecting and saving the ones that have fallen off or been torn in a box beneath his bed something something angsty fluff. anyways. 

outside of the tommy with a camera agenda hcs:

-you know how when you spend enough time around people you start to pick up on their mannerisms? spend enough time around bad and you'll eventually accidentally pick up his cursing aversion and his substitute cursing. there was a point where the whole eggpire called their enemies muffinheads. 

-tubbo and ranboo make a point out of always putting michael to bed at night. because they can't always both be there but want to make sure it happens, they'll coordinate ahead of time and message each other, but also have a calendar in the kitchen in snowchester to mark down whether or not they'll be able to do it that night. although the calendar was originally used solely for michael’s bedtime routine, they started using it for other stuff, too: holidays and anniversaries and events and everything in between. ranboo keeps that same calendar copied down in his memory book. they let michael decorate the days of it when he's bored.

-techno likes to joke about phil chronically adopting kids, and threatens to send him to adopters' anonymous, so in retaliation, phil pokes fun about how techno's got a veritable zoo of pets, and how he should “start charging admission to his house at this rate”. neither of them like to talk about tommy much, but both of them have just narrowly avoided bringing him up in their ribbing (techno as an example of phil's terrible taste in adoptive children, phil as an example of techno's issue with adopting pets -- "even tommy was essentially a raccoon!"). 

-i am a sucker for techno and tubbo's dynamic, and so i am constantly having thoughts about what might happen if they became friends in canon. think about that concept for two seconds and tell me it doesn't make you whether fear for your life and/or fill you with pure chaotic glee. anyways tubbo "battlebox ace extraordinare" "was beating tommy before the 'discs were worth more than you ever were' thing" "genuinely a brilliant pvper" underscore sparring with/being trained by technoblade is a very fun idea.

-i also love the idea of techno or phil trying to give tubbo a shovel talk and him giving them one instead. in general the idea of phil and techno being mildly terrified of tubbo but unable/unwilling to do anything about it fills me with glee because i just imagine a scenario in the far-off future where techno, ranboo, phil and tubbo are all standing off against someone and techno's just standing in the background letting tubbo do his thing because he genuinely believes that terrifying teenager could easily kill a man. all for c!techno being team "genuinely believes tubbo could do anything and would be surprised and a little offended if you said otherwise". i think these grown men who are colloquially considered gods should fear this 5′6 teenager. as a treat

-quackity keeps his engagement rings in a safe with the deed to las nevadas, his contracts with the members of it, and his old marriage papers to schlatt. only slime knows where they are. some nights, he’ll take them out of the safe and turn them over in his fingers, wondering what went wrong. 

-speaking of slime, i firmly believe that, in an attempt to introduce him to human culture, quackity sat him down in front of a tv and told him to go to town. quackity initially set the tv to documentary channels, national geographic and all that, but things went downhill as soon as slime discovered cable television. he's watched so many sitcoms. partially because of this, slime is CONVINCED that quackity, karl and sapnap are having some dramatic dispute that will be solved in "the next few episodes" or that they are secretly still together and have to hide their relationship for the time being for some unknown reason. also, slime now talks like someone in a 70s or 80s sitcom a lot of the time, and, because he's not human, can make Definitely Not Human noises, including playing a laugh track or a dramatic sound effect. this does not go over well when he's in political meetings with quackity. 

-karl's been doing not so great lately. he swears he's lost something, that he's forgotten something hugely important -- but any time he tries to figure out what it is, he gets distracted, usually by another bout of time travel. it's odd, he thinks, how often sapnap mentions quackity -- almost as if he's more important to them than karl remembers -- and then karl forgets again. maybe i should start keeping a memory book, he muses, and then wonders where he got that idea from, and then he's distracted by plans for a new build in kinoko, and he forgets about even his memory issues for the time being. he thinks that he might have lost something. and then he forgets even that. 

-puffy and sam, after breaking free of the eggs' control, could still hear it in their heads sometimes, promising things, screaming at them, threatening everyone they loved. puffy dealt with her nightmares by visiting her children and setting up an appointment with someone in another server for online therapy -- sam dealt with his by sleeping less and working at the prison more and more and more. one of those methods was far more effective than the other, and sam's lack of sleep has continued even with the egg gone, which has done him no favors.

-is purpled an alien? is purpled just some dude who likes space? what even is a purpled? no one knows but there’s loads of conspiracy theories running around about the guy. he’s just vibing and doesn’t really care but he does like to encourage some of the ones he thinks are funniest. 

-thanks to wilbur “how confusing and convoluted can i make my family tree” soot, people are, in fact, super fucking confused about wilbur & phil & fundy’s family. phil, after initially being annoyed about it, decided to just go with the chaos and has somehow made it worse. there’s a running joke in the smp now that if someone doesn’t know their family/doesn’t have a family/is just friends with wil, fundy or phil, they’re “on the soot family tree”. 

i’ve got more headcanons (i could ramble about dsmp stuff for ages, it’s truly insane) but i’ll leave it here for now. hope you enjoy, anon!

[kyber-crystal]

united we stand || s.r

summary: in which you, sam, steve, and natasha are forced to go on the run after civil war. unfortunately, being a fugitive with government officials out for his blood doesn’t seem to stop the great captain america from falling even more in love with you.

words: ~2.5k

warnings: slight angst, sam and natasha being matchmakers, fluff 

a/n: OMG IM SORRY THIS ONE WAS SO POORLY WRITTEN ADLFJDSF

It doesn't have to come down to this, Tony. Look what you're doing. You're tearing the Avengers apart."

"You did that when you sided with Cap, Y/N."

"What do we do now?"

"We fight."

"He's my friend."

"So was I."

"He killed our parents, Y/N. And you're still willing to take his side? I thought I could trust you. But I guess I can't even rely on my own judgement anymore to make decisions, can I?"

Your heart hammered against your ribcage as you jumped from rooftop to rooftop, a dull ache forming at the edges of your skull due to all the thoughts rushing around in your brain and narrowly escaping a flurry of over two dozen of General Ross's men.

Guilt settled in the pit of your stomach, making your insides churn. You turned against the last family you had left, and now you were paying the price.

You're one hundred percent sure that Tony hates your guts at this point. Leaving your brother for someone else; what had you become?

"What now?" Sam asked, looking around and sending Redwing out to survey your surroundings for any other agents that could be approaching. "What's our next step?"

"We gotta catch a train. Belfast's no longer safe for us," Steve panted as he slid his shield over his back, trying to catch his breath. "Our safety's already compromised as it is."

"Nat's gonna go get the tickets, I'll buy us some disguises. We're less likely to be recognized because you guys are all suited up with your wings and shield," you explained. "Wait here."

A few minutes later you were all dressed inconspicuously in your new disguises, looking like the other civilians that were walking around. You didn't have enough time to check the sizes of the clothing, so Steve ended up wearing some jeans and a light grey T-shirt that was about a size too small for him, outlining every inch of his toned torso.

You quickly tore your gaze away before anyone noticed you staring. Sam caught this, however, and sent you a little wink. You glared at him in response.

"The next train to Glasgow leaves in nine. We gotta hurry," Natasha said as she handed you your tickets. "Come on."

Luckily you weren't recognized as the ticket holder came around, though you tried to keep your heads down low when she passed by.

"It's a 14 hour ride. You fellas might wanna relax, take a nap or something," she said, reclining her seat back and closing her eyes. "We won't be arriving until early tomorrow morning."

You relaxed in your seat, the tension in your muscles loosening a bit. But Steve saw the distressed look in your eyes and placed a gentle hand on top of yours.

"You alright?"

"Could be better, I mean, it's not like I chose to be a fugitive on the run from the entire world," you joked, but the smirk on your face quickly fell. "No. I'm not."

"It's going to be okay, you know. Things'll work out in the end."

"I sure hope so."

You fell into an awkward silence after that, resting your chin on your hand as you stared out ahead, watching the rolling hills whiz by in a blur, the vibrant green a sharp contrast to the powdery blue sky. Ireland was a beautiful country, really. You wished you could stay longer purely for the sake of admiring all the lovely scenery.

"You know, if you just want to talk about anything, we can do that. 14 hours is a pretty long train ride," he finally spoke up about an hour later. Sam was fast asleep at this point, mouth opened slightly as his head rested on Natasha's shoulder, who was sleeping as well.

"Yeah, it is. But we've had worse days, right?"

"We have," Steve agreed.

So you just talked, about whatever came to your minds. Your childhood, your past before joining the Avengers Initiative where you'd previously served as one of SHIELD's top agents for several years, Steve's life back in the 40's before becoming a super-soldier, how much things changed over the years. About past missions.

Soon enough you felt your eyelids droop heavily from fatigue. He noticed your tiredness and reached out his right arm, gently wrapping it around you and pulling you towards his side, encircling you completely in his warm embrace. Slowly but steadily, your muscles began to release the tension in them and you leaned into his touch.

"Why don't you get some shut-eye. We have plenty of time to talk when we arrive."

"Mhm," you mumbled sleepily. He smiled, brushing a few stray hairs away from your face as you drifted off.

...

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen, this is our final stop. We have arrived at Glasgow Central Station," the conductor's voice announced over the intercom as the train began slowing down. "The weather is currently 59 degrees, and it is 5:27 a.m."

"Wake up, lovebirds," Natasha clapped as you stirred slightly, looking confused as you raised your head from where it rested against Steve's chest. "Time to get going."

You yawned and stood up, stepping off onto the platform into the station, surprisingly busy at the crack of dawn. You really just wanted to curl back up into a ball and sleep. Talking for four hours straight with Steve had knocked you out completely.

After getting new SIM cards, Sam quickly created an account to get you checked into a hotel.

"It's a half hour walk. We should probably limit public transportation as much as we can," he stated as he slid his phone into his jacket pocket. "Managed to snag a 40% off deal including a free night, so we're good for the next few weeks until we get an actual apartment."

"You know," Natasha commented, adjusting her baseball cap and aviators as you made your way outside down the bustling street, "if we weren't currently trying to flee from the government's grasp, I'd say I'd wanna come back here for a vacation. And that's on nice architecture."

"With us?" you raised an eyebrow.

"Why not? You're pretty good company. I wouldn't wanna hang out with anyone else."

"Well, what can I say?" Sam puffed up his chest. "I'm smooth with the ladies."

You simply laughed. "Yeah, sure you are."

Glasgow was a breathtaking city. With sprawling Victorian style buildings and cobblestone roads, brightly labeled bars and restaurants, it appeared as if it was pulled straight from a rustic 19th-century painting.

You checked into your hotel after grabbing some food from the nearby bakery. For a cheap price, your room was surprisingly simple but large: a king bed in one room, a pullout couch, and a small balcony so you could stand outside and take in the view of the city.

Despite having no time zone difference between Ireland and Scotland, you were still extremely jet-lagged, most likely due to the flight you'd taken over to Berlin not long ago. After binge-watching reruns of some sitcom for the rest of the day, you fell asleep, clutching your pillow tightly.

Natasha and Sam had good eyes, and could clearly see something was going on between you and Steve.

The truth was, you wanted something to happen but both of you were too chicken to make a move, thinking being in relationship while on the run was inconvenient and unnecessary.

The first few days passed by relatively quickly. You only really went out to buy groceries, and even then you went two at a time to avoid drawing unwanted attention to yourselves. Once, you treated yourselves to a night out at a nice restaurant, enjoying each others' company. It was a way to forget about your currently unfortunate situation.

...

But then the nightmares began.  

You swung your legs over the edge of the bed after waking up in a cold sweat, heading over to the bathroom. Everyone had already gone to sleep long ago, and you envied people like Sam as he could knock out cold almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Staring at your ghostly reflection in the mirror, you squeezed your eyes shut, releasing tears that cascaded down your flushed cheeks in a hot flood. You ran trembling fingers through your messy hair in an attempt to tame it, taking a brief look at your disheveled appearance. The heavy dark circles underneath your bloodshot eyes that were a result of hardly sleeping over the past week were clear, as well as your sunken cheekbones and deathly pale complexion.

You studied the woman that looked back at you, with the same unnerving and hollowed out gaze that she'd worn for years; a façade she learned to develop so that nobody could see when she felt weak; helpless. 

Ten days. 

Only ten days had passed since you arrived in Scotland, yet it seemed as if you aged ten years during that short amount of time. Small creases in between your brows indicated stress and anxiety from leaving everything you knew behind, for a future you could barely see ahead of. For a life that held an endless amount of consequences if you took one misstep, one wrong move.

Your body felt heavy, weighed down as if you carried the weight of a thousand men upon your aching shoulders. You didn't know what to do; what to think anymore.

You didn't look thirty-two anymore, you looked older. Almost as old as Tony. And there was a 10+ year age gap between you and him.

God, Tony.

You betrayed him. The last living member of your family on earth, and you betrayed him.

Turned your back on him, because you didn't believe in the same ideas. Was it really worth turning your back on your own blood just because of a disagreement?

I thought I could trust you.

I thought I could, too. But I guess things don't always work out as planned, do they?

They don't. I don't even know what I can say to you anymore. Hell, I can't look at you without seeing a traitor. You turned your back on all of us, and that's unforgivable.

The Accords, you know I couldn't sign them. It isn't right. I'm fighting for what I believe in.

No, you're fighting for Steve, not yourself. Always running over to precious Cap even if it costs you your safety, if it costs you everything and everyone you ever loved. Because you think that you can rely on him and him alone, to get through this. You won't get very far by keeping this act up, you know.

News flash; the world doesn't revolve around you, Tony. Just because someone doesn't agree with what you believe, doesn't mean you have to tear their team, their family, apart for it.

You're blaming me?

Maybe I am.

"What are you doing up this late?"

Steve's voice jolted you from your train of thought, and you looked up to see him leaning against the doorframe dressed in sweats and another tight-fitting T-shirt, his blue eyes scanning over you worriedly.

"I could ask you the same thing."

"I'm fine, if that's what you're wondering. I'm just a bit jet-lagged," you muttered, hastily wiping away another stray tear that escaped. He pushed himself off the wall and caught your wrist as you were bringing your hand down, tugging you towards him slightly.

"Tell me what's going on."

"I'm fine!"

"No, you're not. What's wrong, Y/N?"

"I..." your voice faltered. You didn’t even realize you’d started crying until you felt your face grow wet from the salty tears that rolled silently into your cracked lips. "I don't know. Everything's wrong."

"Everything?"

"I made a mistake."

"What do you mean, mistake?"

"I turned my back against Tony. My family. I betrayed my own family, Steve." Your voice cracked. "And now I can't even guarantee that I'll ever see him again."

"You did what you had to do," he said softly, placing a hand on your shoulder. You felt your skin burning up under his touch. "You were just trying to do what you felt was right."

"Yeah, by teaming up with the side of the man who killed my parents. I can't imagine what he even thinks of me right now."

A look of hurt briefly passed over Steve's face at the mention of Bucky.

"...But I know their deaths were out of his control, so I don't blame him," you continued. "Still..I hurt him. And now, I have to live with knowing that fact." "Look, I'm sorry."

"What?"

You looked up and met his gaze, feeling his bright blue eyes boring into yours. He didn't seem upset or angry at all; there was an eerie softness and calming feeling about the way he looked at you that made you relax a bit.

"I shouldn't have dragged you into this mess. I never wanted you to have this kind of life; where you're always living in uncertainty. You deserve better than that."

"It's not your fault at all," you swallowed hard. Talking and breathing grew increasingly difficult with the sob that was building up in the back of your throat, that you tried desperately to conceal for so long, "it's mine. I made that decision to side with you, not only because I couldn't stand the idea of signing the Accords. So it's...it's on me. God, I don't know what to do anymore, I can't—"

A wave of grief suddenly hit you from all sides, causing you to keel over, sliding down against the cold wall with a hand clutching your stomach as an agonized scream tear itself through your body and out of your throat. And you were drowning; suffocated by your own tears as you struggled to breathe. You tried desperately to stop them but nothing could seem to hold back the heavy sobs that wracked your body, clawing at your lungs and heart. 

Steve crouched down in front of you and pulled you against him, arms tightening around your body with each cry that escaped your lips. In that moment he wanted nothing more than to take all your sadness and frustration and grief and put it upon himself, to carry the weight on his shoulders so he wouldn't have to watch you endure the pain. He'd much rather have to suffer himself than watch you try and bear the burden and fall to pieces in the process.

Seeing you breaking down before him with your gut-wrenching cries that echoed across the small space, more vulnerable than you'd ever been in front of him before, made it feel as if someone was directly ripping his heart right out of his chest and tearing it into a thousand pieces with their bare hands. 

"Hey, it's okay," he whispered soothingly as he pressed his lips to the side of your temple, "it's okay. I've got you. You're gonna be okay."

Despite how you felt as if your heart was twisting itself into knots, there was something comforting about the way he held you ever so gently in his arms, the way his warm breath fell against his neck as one arm was firmly hooked around your waist, running his free hand through your hair.

So for a moment, you allowed yourself to believe that there was no one else in the world except for just you and him, holding you close, and that everything was fine, even if the feeling only lasted for a second.