#gomen i know i still owe replies >_>

[chikoyama]

i'm sorry, i really haven't had muse to write lately (that's why i've also been a little reluctant to engage with people). on the other hand, my desire to draw has returned! here's a sketch of chiyori partly transformed using her cursed technique!

[pinky-the-elephant-room]

Rejuvenate

AN: @liliesoftherain​ @keishiins​ I’m reuploading this because Tumblr hates my guts. I got the idea from Ronda Rousey stating before her matches she would have intense sex with her husband. I was intrigued with the idea and wondered how many athletes do the same thing? Anyway enjoy this request

❉ Warnings: Praise Kink, Sub Bokuto, Bondage, and little bit of Breeding kink at the end? Bokuto x Fem Reader.

❉ Disclaimer: Sex is not a cure for mental illness. Since we don’t know why Bokuto has mood swings I played around with the idea. Please don’t take this seriously.

❉ Summary: As part of the Jackals, Bokuto no longer had the luxury of messing about in this matches. But little did his teammates know he had someone special picking up the slack at home.

❦❦❦❦❦❦❦

t’s not until you lose something that you start appreciating it for what it was. For Bokuto, it was his team, and more specifically, it was his setter Akaashi. He never realized how bothersome his mood swings were because he was too busy dwelling on his emotions. But when he started playing professionally, Bokuto no longer had the luxury of his teammates looking after him anymore. Technically, Tsum Tsum did his best (best meaning he just ignored him until Bokuto’s mood settled), but he was unsatisfied. He was starting to hate that the tiniest things would unsettle him and affect his play.  

He tried everything from calming teas and even listening to rain ASMR before falling asleep. But his mood swings kept happening. Bokuto was at the end of his rope so much so he decided to visit Akaashi at his college. He had sent him a text letting him know he would drop by; hopefully, his old teammate would have something for him.

The university itself was pretty large and was known to attract international students from across the globe. Even now, Bokuto could see several foreigners staring at him in curiosity, but he just shrugged it off, thinking it was his eccentric hair (but really, it was his frantic pacing).

His face brightened when he saw his friend leisurely walking towards him.

“Bokuto-san, how have you been?” Akaashi inquired.

“Akaashi! Your school is so cool! I should come here more often,” Bokuto said while excitingly looking left to right.

“Please don’t,” murmured Akaashi, who was promptly ignored by Bokuto.

“Keiji! I thought I told you to wait for me,” a feminine voice called out.

Bokuto turned around to see a girl with a womanly figure walking towards them.

“Gomen, Y/N. I thought you already went back to class,” Akaashi replied to the girl.

Bokuto looked at her fascinatingly. She was beautiful, to be frank, and her beaming smile radiated happiness.

“Oh, who’s this?” she asked, looking at Bokuto directly, making him more nervous than he had felt in a while.

Akaashi turned to Bokuto only to narrow his eyes at his smitten face.

“This is Bokuto Koutaro. He was the captain of the volleyball team I was on in high school.”

She let out an excited gasp. “The Bokuto? The one you comp-“

“Anyway, this is Akaashi Y/N. She’s my cousin,” Akaashi cut in, confusing Bokuto.

Y/N sent a teasing smile to Akaashi.

“Our mothers are identical twins, and we were born in the same year. So, we’re more like siblings than anything. I should be calling him Keiji-ni, actually. It’s nice to meet you, Bokuto-san!”

Cousins? Now that she was closer, he could see the resemblance. They had the same dark hair and bright blue sharp eyes. But Y/N’s hair was longer coming down to her waist, and her eyebrows were neatly trimmed, unlike Akashi's. She also had the pinkest pair of lips Bokuto ever had the pleasure of seeing, or was that makeup? To be honest, he could never tell.

“What do you think, Bokuto-san?” Y/N asked him hopefully.

She had asked him a question which Bokuto wasn’t even listening to. Too busy staring at her animated face the entire time.

“Not today, Y/N. Maybe some other time. Go to class,” Akaashi said, almost sternly.

She pouted and said, “Fine! I’ll see you later, Bokuto-san.”

Y/N bowed politely, to which Bokuto scrambled to return before she walked away.

Akaashi muttered, “Don’t even think about it. She’ll eat you alive.”

His yellow eyes still on the retreating figure of Y/N, Bokuto distractedly replied, “what do you mean by that?”

His former teammate opened his mouth to say something but changed his mind.

“Do what you like, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Bokuto should have listened to the almost ominous warning by his friend, but he was too excited.

“You mean it?! Can you give me Y/N’s number then?”

Akaashi grimaced; nevertheless, he fetched his phone before complying with his former captain’s request. The two friends talked for a while before Akaashi had to leave for his class. By the time Bokuto had arrived at his lonesome apartment, he had realized he had forgotten to ask Akaashi for the advice he initially sought out him for.

Still, he considered the day to be productive and successful while staring goofily at Y/N’s number.

Over the next couple of weeks, Y/N and Bokuto exchanged texts. When he had first texted her, she was cordial and pleasant.  As his interest became fairly apparent over time, Y/N responded to it with the utmost enthusiasm. Thankfully, Akaashi didn’t seem too opposed to it; instead, he made Bokuto promise to treat his cousin well. They had been dating for only a month when she asked him to take it a bit further. He honestly thought she was a virgin and was quite speechless at her question. Y/N was a petite and genial individual; in fact, Bokuto often worried that he would eventually drive her away with his boisterous attitude. And so, he was adamant about taking it slowly with Y/N. Only for her to flip the script and proposition him.

❦❦❦❦❦❦❦

“Did you have fun?” he asked earnestly after another date,

“Of course! Next weekend I'm free, so we should go out again,” Y/N replied cheerfully, swinging their interlocked hands.

Bokuto watched her closely and leaned in for a kiss.

She didn’t back down and instead tugged him closer. Their lips connected just barely before she moved back, but it was enough to entice him.

“Bokuto-kun, do you wanna come in? My roommate’s with her family for the weekend,” Y/N proposed.

He swallowed nervously and nodded. Her dorm was a standard two-room affair but standing in there, Bokuto felt such dread and excitement in the pit of his stomach.

Y/N took her time while removing her hoody before, with a teasing smile, she tried to help remove his jacket.

“You’ll get hot if you keep this on,” she cooed while pulling down his zipper.

Bokuto’s heart started racing out of control when he felt her small hands unashamedly caress his toned upper body in the guise of removing his jacket.

He distinctly heard something hitting the wooden floor but was way too preoccupied with helping Y/N unbuckle his belt to notice.

That night Bokuto was never so glad in his life to be wrong. She was no virgin. The way she roughly yanked his hair and demanded him to be faster and harder. It was hard to imagine Y/N not having prior experience. Despite him clearly being on top, it felt like she oversaw the entire affair. The praises that spilled from her mouth each time a particular thrust compelled her to see stars caused him to feel like he just scored a winning point in the finals. Her sleek legs that wrapped around him prompted him to renew his smooth but rough rhythm. Y/N eventually kept having to rewrap her legs each time he pulled out before she gave up and just splayed her legs to the side. That made it easier for him to reenter but strained Y/N’s muscles. She didn’t seem to care too much, though, as her nails embedded into his back. Bokuto lost count after her sixth orgasm and his fourth. The night continued into the early dawn. He barely slept, yet he found himself not caring after possibly having the best sex of his life.

❦❦❦❦❦❦❦

Bokuto felt at ease as the whistle blew and signaled the end of the match. The Jackals bowed to their devoted fans, and he could feel his teammates’ eyes on him subconsciously. Tsum Tsum was whispering lowly to Sakusa, who didn’t seem to be paying too much attention to whatever Tsum Tsum was saying. Even Hinata seemed subdued despite them winning the game. But Bokuto wasn’t bothered; he was satisfied. Y/N was out there in the bleachers waiting for him. Now that he won, she owed him a night of relaxation and back massages.

Even in the locker room, it was hushed, and only the bangs of the lockers resonated in the quiet.

Bokuto turned around when he felt someone tug at his uniform.

“Oh, Hinata! Good game, and that smash at the end was great. But you still have a long way to go before you can catch up to your teacher,” Bokuto loudly complimented while slapping Hinata’s back harshly.

“Ne, Bokuto-san, can I ask you something?” Hinata nervously inquired as he rubbed his back.

Bokuto looked at the younger boy and realized he was acting weird. Hell, he could tell all his teammates were listening to their conversation inconspicuously.

So, he just shrugged and motioned Hinata to go ahead.

“How come you’re so focused nowadays?”

Bokuto could almost hear the underlying question, ‘why haven’t you turned into emo Bokuto lately?’

Tsum Tsum, who had a towel in hand on route to shower, stopped to listen in. Even Sakusa, with his wet hair, stood by and didn’t seem to be in a hurry to leave.

“Well, Hinata...” Bokuto began as his thoughts drifted back to last night.

They stumbled blindly through his dark apartment, not bothering to turn on the lights. Y/N let out a shriek of delight when Bokuto hoisted her into his arms and went straight to his bedroom.

He pushed back her hair and sucked wherever her neck was visible.

“Y/N, babe, want you right now. No. I need you,” Bokuto corrected amid his trailing kisses.

She grabbed the back of his dyed hair and pulled.

“On the bed then. I’ll grab my goodies,” Y/N encouraged.

He cocked his head in confusion at the mention of goodies but tugged off his shirt and shorts in a hurry. Bokuto tossed his clothes somewhere at the side of the bed, where he could find them easily in the morning before making himself comfortable on his bed. He could hear her fiddling in his bathroom but waited patiently. Y/N always rewarded him whenever he did precisely what she asked of him.

She stepped out of the bathroom, hiding something behind her back.

“Oh, did you start the party early?” she asked, eyeing his naked body with amusement and hunger.

“Yeah, but I’d rather you take off your clothes and join me,” Bokuto replied as he pointedly stared down at her white wrap dress.

“One sec. Let me show you my present.”

Y/N presented him with two pairs of silver handcuffs.

Bokuto tried to play it off coolly, but he didn’t think he managed as her cheeky grin widened at his flustered composure.

Y/N got on his bed and ordered, “Sit back. I want to see how good it looks on you.”

She didn’t even need to say please as he hurried to do what she asked. Placing a quick kiss on his forehead, she managed to get both his hands cuffed and attached to the bed frame separately.

“Now, the real fun begins. Do you trust me?”

“Do you even need to ask?” Bokuto joked.

While sliding down his body to make herself comfortable, she pushed his chest back down.

His soft member laid against his thighs. Which he supposed that Y/N wasn’t satisfied with because she immediately went to work.  

Y/N started by placing her hands on his firm thighs to which in turn made Bokuto jolt. But settled down at the soothing touch of her slender hands. Slowly but surely, she started to blow on his member. Feeling her hot breath, he shivered and clutched the bed sheets. It seemed like Y/N was in a playful mood, and that usually meant Bokuto was in for a long night.

That grip only got tauter when she started doing eskimo kisses to his cock.

Bokuto let out a low “fuck” when he felt tentative kitten licks while she traced the throbbing, purple veins along his shaft.

Y/N pulled back his foreskin to reveal the head. She rubbed the tip spreading the watery precum before sucking. She reveled in the familiar intoxicating taste and then swallowed him whole until his cock hit the back of her throat. Feeling the need to gag, Y/N took his member out of her mouth.

“Ko-kun, you taste so good. Maybe I should keep this up all night?”

“No, don’t,” he gasped.

Bokuto let out a groan when he tried to pull Y/N’s hair to make her take him deeper. But the handcuffs prevented him from doing so.

She let go of his cock entirely and shimmed out of her dress. Her bra and panties were next to go, and Bokuto’s eyes never strayed from the moment she started getting undressed. Y/N made herself comfortable and settled on top of his right thigh.

He felt his thigh’s muscle flex instinctively when he felt the soft lips and coarse trimmed hairs of her cunt. She already complimented him multiple times on how much she appreciated his physique. But she was paying extra attention to his bottom half tonight, apparently.

Unfortunately, his situation only got worse with her grinding against his thigh.

“Please, babe. I- I can’t wait,” he stuttered, which was an accomplishment of itself.

Y/N only laughed and said, “Come on, Ko-kun. You can do better than that. Remember last time how you begged so nicely? You can do it again.”

Bokuto imagined her swollen clit sliding along his bare skin. Which, he wasn’t wrong about because each time her center dragged against his leg, it wasn’t hard to notice the wetness she left behind.

“Ko-kun, should I just get myself off like this and leave you handcuffed until the morning?” Y/N asked wickedly.

“Don’t you dare-,” he started but let out a yelp when she pinched his inner thigh.

“Don’t be rude! I was just kidding, but I might do it for real,” she warned as she aggressively humped his thigh.

“F-fuck! Fuck!”

Oh god, he definitely felt the fluid dripping down from her cunt now. Bokuto could even hear the wet squelching sounds as she slid back and forth.

“Ko-kun, I wanna ride your face,” Y/N panted.

Bokuto’s eyes lit up, and he replied, “Are you going to uncuff me?”

“Nah, I think you’ll do fine just like this.” She didn’t say anything more as she leisurely crawled up his body.

Usually, he would have held onto her thighs while she sat on his face. But now, he could not do much once he caught a whiff of Y/N’s distinct scent. When her pussy was near enough, he licked the puffy clit that stood out so readily. Perhaps that was all the encouragement she needed because soon Y/N was aggressively shoving herself into his face.

“That’s it. Lick it all up. Don’t let a single drop go to waste,” she cried out while simultaneously pulling his hair.

He could barely breathe from her cushy thighs and the way her hands purposely kept him in one place. But god Bokuto loved it whenever she got like this. He could tell from her unsteady movement and the heavy breathing, Y/N was close. Laying his tongue flat, he licked from top to bottom and finally inserting the tongue inside her cunt. She lost her mind, convulsing uncontrollably.

“Fuck me! I-I’m going to cum.”

Y/N started enthusiastically grinding, and suddenly, an outpour of watery fluid started running down his cheeks. Her soft moans escalated to piercing screams before yielding to the spellbinding ecstasy.  Bokuto helped her ride it out by slowly sucking on her clit.

“Ko-kun, stop... Too much,” Y/N whimpered, pushing his face away from her overwhelmed pussy.

She scooted back a few inches and collapsed on top of his chest, trying to recuperate from her intense orgasm.

“Y/N, how did I do? Tell me.”

“Yeah, you were amazing. You were such a good boy.”

He felt lighthearted and incredible despite his erection still being prominent to the point of almost being painful.

Bokuto attempted to turn Y/N on her side so he could enter from that angle, but the handcuffs once again stopped him. He turned wide-eyed, totally forgetting about the cuffs attached to the headboard.

“Y/N help me out here,” he asked, kissing her sweaty hair.

She snapped out of her exhaustion to grab a pair of small keys on the nightstand. Y/N soon freed his hands, and he noticed his wrists were red from the metal straining against his skin.

Bokuto positioned Y/N in such a way that she lay on her side but was facing him. Her bangs were damp with sweat and stuck to her forehead. Still, she was visibly glowing, just like she always does after their sessions.

“My turn, ok?” he murmured, leaving love bites on her humid neck.

Sliding one leg in between her legs, he then encouraged Y/N to encircle his hip over the leg he just slid in.

Now Bokuto could easily clutch her firm butt while kissing her lips. With an erection that was now beginning to purple, he decided he had waited enough. With one swift nudge, her sopping entrance gave away to his cock.

“So good. I—” she stuttered as he hammered away. “Yes. So good.”

Y/N tucked her face away in his neck.

“You’re doing amazing. Keep going just like that, babe.”

His breath hitched at the ongoing praises, Bokuto’s skin becoming more heated by the second. His heartbeat racing out of control and tingles resonating down his back.

“I’m close. Gonna cum,” he groaned.

With a sensation that started at the base of his length before it coursed throughout his entire cock, the closer he got. Then as Bokuto got to the point of no return, he could no longer contain the inevitable release. He couldn’t control himself as his eyes shut and his body started shaking. He almost wished he could recount the entire experience, but Bokuto himself had blacked out right after he spilled inside of her.

He later would open his eyes to his body still on the side and entangled with Y/N. The deep-seated satisfaction from knowing he ejaculated inside of her left him bone-tired but rejuvenated at the same time. In no way were they ready for a pregnancy but god damn it if the thought didn’t leave him content beyond comprehension.  

Bokuto snapped out of his flashback to Hinata, still looking at him expectantly.

And with a smirk that was uncharacteristic of him, Bokuto said, “Let’s just say I have a girlfriend who’s been taking real good care of me before each game.”

[fakehappy96]

Vent

(Scroll rly fast to skip I can’t put breaks on mobile)

Genuine so fuckin sick of randos filling my dms with purely thirst-driven compliments. like oh you’re beautiful what have you got to be sad about? and “I really fancy you please respond” like nO. FUCK OFF. I don’t owe you A N Y T H I N G.

You don’t know me! You know nothing about me! Are you genuinely that fucking shallow your standards are JUST someone’s appearance?

Our whole chat histories are ENTIRELY them all just calling me a pretty or beautiful or stunning lady with every message ghosted. I’m not a fucking lady. I even had at the top of my profile (before I deleted the whole account) that I’m non-binary, L O A T H E being complimented, aromantic, NOT looking for a relationship, not their fucking booty call, I even put in every reply to their first messages that I can’t handle any form of commitment right now

but they still fucking search me across platforms to do everything I hate, claiming to “be the one to change my mind”? Nah, you’re alright mate. I’ve closed applications. I’ve found my fave people (even tho I’m spacey asf and forget to reply all the time gomen Shard ilysgdhfgjkl), and I’m fine not having your nasty unwashed hands on me tyvm

[essays-for-breakfast]

Should Fate Ever Part Us

Kiane Week Day Seven: AU

Note: Yes, this is the Fate AU the world was waiting for. Seven Sins, seven Servants - I can’t believe no one realized the potential of this concept before I did. Then again, Fate is complicated. I tried my best to make everything understandable, but I can’t guarantee I succeeded. Side note: All the Japanese is taken from James Clavell’s Shõgun. I apologize for any mistakes.

He is back home. The leaves dance in the air. Her laugh echoes through the forest, a tune like a sweet windchime. The warm rays of sunlight through the canopy bathe the skin of her bare arms in gold and emerald as she twirls with the leaves, her face obscured by locks like the bark of the hickory tree. With another spin, her bare feet bring her towards him. She extends her hands. Inches separate their fingertips…

“Wakarimasu ka, Harlequin-sama?”

The scents and scenery of the forest disappeared to leave the Heroic Spirit Harlequin alone on the barren rooftop of one of Fuyuki’s plentiful skyscrapers. Thousands of electric lights pierced the sky and blackened the stars with their cold presence. And although Harlequin was not a physical part of this world and hadn’t been since his death eleven hundred years ago, the wind bit into his skin.

“Nan desu ka?”

For a moment, Harlequin failed to make sense of the strange words the disembodied voice of his Master whispered to him. Then the images of the forest left him entirely, and his mind pieced the Japanese expressions together into a coherent picture. Gilthunder had asked him what was the matter – maybe more than once judging by the distress of his voice.

“Gomen nasai, Master,” Harlequin said. An honest apology. He had let his mind wander astray from his assigned duty for too long already. In Japanese he continued, “Could you please repeat your instructions?”

Like all Servants, Harlequin had access to the entirety of human knowledge collected until this point in time, and this included the ability to speak any language with the same ease as his own. But the complex expressions found in Japanese never felt comfortable on his tongue.

Gilthunder’s teeth clacked against one another. A clear sign of his unease. “Am I not providing you with sufficient amounts of magic? Is that why you are drifting off sometimes?”

“Iyé.” – No. “I was lost in thought. I promise I won’t fail you again, Master.”

Gilthunder said nothing for a while. For his age, he was a talented member of the Clock Tower Mages, but he always harbored doubts about his potential. Not an hour since Harlequin’s summoning had passed without Gilthunder second-guessing the connection he has forged to his Servant. His doubts were not unfounded – in the Holy Grail War, the strength of the bond between Master and Servant could tip the scale between loss and victory, life and death.

“Are you sure you have recovered from your battle with Archer?” Gilthunder asked. “We can’t afford any mistakes, not this time. Not against Hendrickson. I know his methods, he will stop at nothing to win the Grail.”

“Won’t you do the same?”

“I don’t want the Grail. I want Hendrickson and Dreyfus to pay for what they did.” Gilthunder paused. At the foot of Harlequin’s vantage point, cars and motorcycles rushed by with roaring engines. This world was too loud, no matter the time of day. Here, a leaf sailed to the ground unheard.

When Gilthunder continued, his voice sounded distant. He too reminisced about the time before the Holy Grail War. “Have you ever lost yourself in battle? To the point of regret? Of course, I have heard your tale, the stories they exhibit in the Clock Tower library… but how did it feel? Do you think you could have chosen another path if you had wanted?”

Harlequin held his palm out in front of him. The scars were the same as back then. And when he concentrated, the blood of the criminals still ran from his fingers. They deserved to die. He had repeated this phrase until his final breath, and whenever he remembered the torture she had suffered at their hands, the phrase sprouted another root to anchor a sense of rightfulness in his mind.

He closed his fist. “Perhaps. But my story has been told already. You can still influence yours. Whichever path you chose, I will follow you. It is my duty as your Servant.”

“You would be the first Servant to lose the Holy Grail War because your Master lacked commitment. Don’t you have a wish you want to ask the Grail to fulfill?”

Harlequin nodded, even though Gilthunder could not see him. “Hai. But only one can obtain the Grail. We first have to overcome the remaining five Servants opposing us. Luckily for us, Rider is off the board already.”

“Would you have been able to defeat him?”

“In a fair fight? No. Although it is difficult to say for sure without knowing the potential of his Master. But from what I have gathered, Rider possessed the highest reserves of magic out of all of us. Caster outsmarted him. Otherwise, he would have lasted far longer. He might have even won.”

Gilthunder snorted. “Then I owe Caster my thanks. Her and Arthur Pendragon.”

The Pendragons held the honor of one of the longest-running Mage bloodlines. They and the Liones family had participated in all previous renditions of the Holy Grail War, and more often than not, the Grail had wandered into either of their hands. And although the appointed Master of the Liones family had yet to show herself, Arthur Pendragon had made clear that he fought to win the war. With his victory against Rider – in his previous life known as the chosen hero of the sun, Escanor – Arthur had certainly proven to possess the wit and the strength to succeed.

Harlequin let his eyes trail across the skyline. There, past the red beams of Fuyuki bridge, at the harbor, Gilthunder supposed to find the hideout of one of his enemies.

“The port holds little to no magic,” Harlequin said. “If Hendrickson stays there, then as an invitation to fight.”

“What strategy do you suggest?”

“Unless either Dreyfus or Hendrickson have summoned the Saber-Class Servant, we have a good chance of winning this round. Even if we don’t defeat the Servant waiting there tonight, discovering their identity would help us decide on our next steps. I suggest we accept the invitation before another party joins the fray.”

“Wakatta.” – Understood. “I will track down Hendrickson. Once you have engaged his Servant, he will have to divert part of his attention to your battle. Then I can take him down. My father will be avenged.”

Although he empathized with Gilthunder’s motives, Harlequin could not help but doubt. The Grail chose Masters in need of its aid, those with a wish the Grail could grant. Sometime before the Holy Grail War, the selected seven Mages would find three Command Seals on the back of their hand, the symbol of their participation and the link to their Servant. But Gilthunder had only one goal in this war: revenge against the two heads of the Clock Tower. A short-lived wish that shone brightly for a while. But before his hands would touch the Grail, the wish would be burnt out.

Harlequin knew these hungry flames, its heat had guided his hands as well.

But it was not his duty to question his Master. His duty was to serve.

And maybe reach the end of the Holy Grail War to have his own wish granted.

With five steps Harlequin reached the edge of the roof and jumped. The wind rushed in his ears, and the light from countless windows blurred to lines of red and white. And then he dissolved. His physical shell vanished to leave him blind and deaf for a heartbeat.

When the teleportation had completed, the crimson glow of Fuyuki bridge ignited the darkness behind him, and the concrete of the harbor pressed against his boots. Hard and unforgiving, a far cry from the mossy grounds of the forest he had called home. Mountains of containers surrounded him, and every stack might hide an ambush. At least one Servant was close.

Who would he face? Assassin? Or had he risked too much and would meet his end at the hands of Saber?

Twenty yards ahead, Gilthunder waited in the cold light of a streetlamp. He signaled Harlequin with clipped military gestures to secure the area to the left while he himself would zero in on Hendrickson. Then he slipped into the shadows between two tanks labeled as motor oil.

With a mere thought, Harlequin called forth his Noble Phantasm, the Spirit Spear Chastifol. The leather-wrapped staff hugged his palm, but the unease remained. As a Servant of the Lancer class, he sought the open confrontation with his opponents. The tiptoeing and trickery of Assassin and Caster had their merits, but the thought of applying such dishonorable strategies himself created a salty taste on his tongue.

If only the other Servant would show themselves.

Harlequin searched the surrounding containers with his eyes. “Master?”

“I have visual contact on Hendrickson,” Gilthunder replied between gritted teeth. “He is preparing for a spell. I can’t get a good read on the alchemist circle he’s drawing – wait, it can’t be… they told us never to use such magic. The Mage’s Association forbids its use. With these spell spheres he could drain the people of the entire district of their energy…”

“I’m on my way.”

“No, wait, I know what Servant he has.” The horror spoke from Gilthunder’s voice. “Berserker! He has Berserker!”

And one heartbeat after the information passed from Harlequin’s eyes to his brain, the three stacked containers to his right exploded. Razor-sharp shards of metal cut the air, a storm of deadly leaves. He evaded the attack with a jump, defected the last projectile with Chastifol. A roar thundered through the night, pained, furious, beyond reason. The concrete under Harlequin’s feet quaked, and past the dust of pulverized harbor pieces, a ten-foot figure emerged. A wild mess of brown locks danced around their head, and their dark eyes stared at Harlequin. All they saw was the enemy.

No, no, no, no, what were the odds? History had thousands of Heroic Spirits to choose from, why would it pick her? Why would she return to him as Berserker, a creature who only listened to the voice of its Master and the call for destruction?

Because she had lost her mind during the torture. Because he hadn’t arrived in time to save her from the suffering or the madness. He had seen how the pain had mangled her, even back then.

Harlequin, a hero of ancient times who had won the heart of a Forest Spirit, Lancer in the Fifth Holy Grail War, looked into the eyes of Diane, the same Forest Spirit who had died a horrific death and who had been reborn as Berserker.

A flash of lighting split the night to her left. The product of Gilthunder’s magic painted over her features and emphasized the protruding bones. Like this she had looked when Harlequin had held her in his arms for the last time with the blood of her captors on his hands and the taste of tears on his lips. Broken body, broken spirit.

Diane roared, and the magic radiating from her hit Harlequin with the force of an asteroid. The war hammer in her hands split the earth where he had stood a second ago. Debris rained onto the harbor, and the glass of the nearest lanterns shattered under the shock waves. Harlequin spun out the way, always dodging, never retaliating while his mind screamed to find a solution, a way out. Diane tore through containers as though they were twigs under her feet. Senseless hatred burned in her eyes as she pursued her opponent.

Harlequin leaped onto a crane, but the metal shrieked and bent under the barrage of Diane’s hammer. “Master, I won’t be able to defeat her. I beg you, let us retreat.”

“No. This is the best chance I have.” Another storm of lightningbolts struck the port and the water of the Mion river quivered. Hendrickson answered with an explosion of dark magic. “I will use a Command Seal.”

“No, please! You only have three, and when you use the last one, I will disappear, and you lose the Holy Grail War. Please, Master, consider caution. I- I cannot fight her.”

Gilthunder growled. “Hendrickson murdered my father for the Holy Relics in his possession. Without the work my father dedicated his life to, he would have never been able to summon Berserker. And if I have to sacrifice all my Command Seals, I will take away what he stole from my father.

“Lancer! As your Master, I order you to use all your strength and the power of your Noble Phantasm to destroy Berserker!”

The shackles of the Command Seal wrapped themselves around Harlequin in an instance. He fought their pull, tightened the grip around his spear until his fingers went numb, but he could not escape the voice of his Master.

His duty was to serve.

Even if it meant watching his beloved die a second time.

Diane’s next blow shattered the support beams of the crane. Harlequin vaulted her and flipped midair, the tip of Chastifol aimed for her neck. The bronze head of her hammer crashed into him beforehand. Blood filled his mouth. But with the surplus of strength the Command Seal had imposed on him, he hardly registered the sprained ribs.

He landed on his feet and cut the container she threw at him in half. Then he charged.

The ground shook whenever spear and hammer clashed, sparks flew as they pushed the metal to its limits. Harlequin danced through the barrage of her hits, spinning, skipping, leaping forward. Blood sprayed as he gazed her legs, her arms, her cheek. And still she refused to step down. Still she did not recognize him.

The magic of the Command Seal tore at Harlequin’s muscles, blind to the tears in the corners of his eyes, deaf to the pleas of his heart. One last time, he pushed against the order. But all he could do was to grant her a quick death.

When her next swing broke a crater into the concrete, Harlequin soared above the wave of destruction. He infused Chastifol with all the magic he had to offer and all the energy the link to his Master provided him with. And then he revealed the true nature of his Noble Phantasm.

“CHASTIFOL INCREASE!”

The Spirit Spear fragmented under blinding light, scattered into a hundred and more pieces, and all of these transformed into knifes shaped like the leaves of the willow. Harlequin held the storm in place for a heartbeat. Inside he apologized. Then the knives swooshed forward, a deadly rain of iron shards no living creature could escape. Diane roared and met the onslaught with her war hammer. But she could not prevail. For each blade she deflected, a new one appeared and sunk into her flesh.

The strength of her magic presence depleted. Either Hendrickson could not or did not want to save her with a Command Seal.

The blades had ripped her legs to shreds, but the brute determination of the Berserker class pushed her further. On her stomach, she crawled forward to escape the tornado of knives, but she was fast approaching her limits.

And then she had passed the breaking point. Her arms stopped moving. The presence of Berserker flicked one last time and died.

Harlequin stumbled towards her, and as he felt the influence of the Command Seal fleeting, he kneeled down to take her hand in his, the way he had eleven hundred years ago. Her body was already dissipating into golden light; The Holy Grail called her back from the plain of mortals.

“I’m sorry,” Harlequin whispered. Tears ran down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry you had to suffer the same fate again. But this’ll be the last time, I promise. The Holy Grail is in my reach. Only four other Servants stand in my way. And then I’ll wish for death to set you free. You will never have to suffer again. We will go back to our forest, to the birches and the pond covered by snow-white water lilies. I will win the Holy Grail for you. I promise.”

Maybe the part of Diane untouched by madness heard his words and turned her head towards him to listen. Maybe she never grasped the love he gardened for her. But before Harlequin had the chance to place a kiss on her fingers, her hand dissipated.

Golden lights danced through the night, dozens of memory candles to mourn his loss. Then they too vanished.

A great exhaustion weighed on Harlequin, born from a shortness of magic. He would most likely be unable to maintain his physical form for the next day. But his resolve had never burned brighter. Archer, Caster, Assassin, and even Saber were mere stepping stones on his way. With Gilthunder’s help, he would defeat them. And once he held the Holy Grail in his hands, he would wish to return home with Diane. No matter what trials waited for him, he would face his fate and triumph.

For her.

[thisartemisnevermisses]

Freefall 3/-

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warning: angst, fluff, romance, adventure, reconciliation, cursing, anxiety.

Summary:

After the events of ‘Going Under’ you start a new life in Tokyo. Realizing those events changed you in more than one way. You’re not just the nice analyzer girl, you take life in your own hands again. Only to be pulled back into the rabbit whole.

After almost 2 years the Avengers call upon your help. Recapturing the one person that made your life a living hell. Going on a manhunt, or more likely woman hunt, with the one person you hoped to leave behind for good. Will things spark again between the two of you or are you as cold as ice?

A/N: The story is evovling, just two more chapters and their will be full on fluff and some mild smud in further chapters. 

Looking at the paper mess before you, you sigh, how in the world would you find the needle in this paper stack. How was it possible for Sharon to gather so much information, knowing that the Raft was a fortress, supposedly impenetrable. Yet she had managed to gather information about ancient myths. What was she searching for, what was her plan, why was she in Morocco. With every box you opened, another question was added, this was something you didn’t miss as analyzer, finding that freakin’ piece of the puzzle. Standing with your hands on top of your head, trying to relax the muscles in your back, you hear a manly chuckle. Looking at the door opening, you see Steve standing there, leaning against the doorframe.

“I missed that signature stand of yours”, he smiles pushing himself of the doorframe, walking into the room. “You were near a breakthrough when you stood like that”, he stops before you, crossing his arms. “Well, hate to disappoint you, but I’m not near a breakthrough. It’s been 2 years since I last analyzed something, I’ve been a field agent since my arrival in Sendai”, turning away from Steve, not seeing the question in his face. Starting to rummage through a new pile of papers, your eyes catch the notes to her escape plan. Reading the first lines, realizing that getting Steve there was her plan all along, you turn towards him. “What did she whisper into your ear?” you ask him, squeezing your eyes, “Say what?” Steve asks not registering your question. “What did Sharon whisper in your ear, before she took off with Rumlow?” you ask him again. “I..I can’t remember. My head was pounding, I was disorientated, I..was..worried about…you”, he answers avoiding your eyes. “Steve please, try to remember, it could be important”, you urge, hopefully he could remember what she had told him. “y/n, I..wish I could, but my memories are shredded, I barely remember going to the Raft”, Steve replies, regret and pain in his eyes. How he wished he could help you, could tell you what she had said to him. “I know there’s footage of her escape, but you can’t hear what she says”, he adds. “Are her lips visible?” you ask, looking at Steve, hope in your eyes. “I don’t know, why?” Steve looks at you, were you going mad? Why did you want to see her lips?

“Friday, where are Agent Strong and Star?” you ask the IA, “There in the com room, Agent y/n”, it replies. “Could you connect me to the room, please”, you wait, while you get connected with the com room. “Star here”, you hear Lexi say. “Hey, Lexipedia, do me a favor and look at the footage of the Raft. I want to know if Sharon’s lips are visible”, you ask her. Hearing only silence from the other side, “Lexi, you still there?”, you await her answer, getting nervous by the minute. “Yeah, still here, I’m looking at the footage, lips are visible, why?” Lexi asks, not knowing your intention. “Are they still visible when she is with Steve?” asking, excitement in your voice, looking at Steve. “Yeah, again why?”, Lexi asks, the question ringing in her voice. “Lexi, I’ll come to you. Thank you Friday, end call”, you say jogging out of the room. Steve soon follows, catching up with you he sees a wide grin on your face. “Care to enlighten me?”, he ask continuing your pace. Your eyes sparkle with victory, “I know someone who can read lips”, you smile, seeing the realization in Steve’s face, you only nod for agreeing the unspoken thought of Steve.

Arriving in the com rom, you get a questioning look from Lexi. “Lexi please call the following number”, letting her look on the display of your phone, “Put it on speaker and make sure you have that footage ready for transfer”, you add, waiting for the phone to ring.

“Moshi, Moshi”, a raspy and tired voice speaks. “Ohayo Tai, Soreha y/n. Gomen’nasai, Anata O samasu tame ni (sorry for waking you),” you speak, knowing he’s going to scold you. “Oi y/n, Ima wa itsudesuka (you know what time it is)”, Tai growls, you hear him sitting up in his bed. “Gomen Gomen Tai, kinkyudesu, Gomen. Eigo de hanashimashou? (sorry, it’s urgent. Let’s converse in English)” you say, “Chimy ga anata o rikai dekiru yõ ni (so the team can understand you)”, explaining to him hoping he would cooperate. Tai wasn’t a person to be waked early and asked to do his job in an instant. “Robotto, you owe me one”, he replies in English, Calli and Lexi simultaneous mouthing robotto and raising their hands questiongly. Whispering a later you continue talking to Tai. “I know I waked you really early, but please could you do me a favor. You can read lips, right?” asking him, while you start pacing around. “Yeah, it’s fucking 3 a.m. here and yes, why do you ask, you already know that”, he replies grumpy. “Listen Lexi will send you an encrypted file, there’s no audio and we really need to know what the blond woman says. The most important part are the last 3 minutes of the footage”, you explain, while Lexi encrypts the file and e-mails it. “Wait a sec, I need to go to my computer”, Tai answers and you hear him pick up his phone and stumble towards his desk. “Got it….y/n is that who I think it is?”, you hear the surprise in his voice, “Yes Tai, but please concentrate, I need to know what she says to him”, rolling with your eyes, your Japanese analyzer was a huge Captain America fan. With every minute the silence grew and your anxiety too. It was too quiet at the other end of the line, that made you begin to doubt his ability to read lips, preferable her lips. After a 10 minutes or so, you couldn’t stand the silence, “Tai? Everything okay?” you ask careful. “hmm, just looking at the footage one more time.” He answers absentmindedly. “Holy Shit”, you hear him say, “Tai, What is it? Please tell us, your killing me, come on”, grabbing a chair to put all your frustration in, waiting frustrated for an answer on the other line. “y/n you still there? Here comes the translation. When Cap…uhm Steve..sjees..When he’s down, she says the following, You can give your girl a message from me, Stevie. She can enjoy her happily ever after with you for now, but soon it will be my destiny to be with you. I’m going to change our fates. I’m going to make sure that our fates are entwined and with that you will never have met y/n”, Tai swallows, “y/n in what kind of a mess are you? Should I warn Makoto or Hiroto?”, concern in his voice, stifling a yawn. “No Tai, I’m fine, don’t worry I can take care of myself, beside don’t you need to go to sleep?” asking mockingly, your thoughts already analyzing the things she said. “Oi Robotto, first you want my help, know I need to go to sleep, shimata!” Tai exclaims. “Gomen Gomen, Tai, I owe you big time, domo arigato Tai”, you apologize, you knew you had to make it up to him bigtime. “y/n, you owe me a big bucket of ramen and that’s just the start. Now let me get back to sleep, I still have 3 hours of sleep to go”, Tai teases you. “I will take a note of it and as soon as I’m back, I’ll make it up to you. Good night Tai”, you laugh at the noises he makes. “Okay, now let me sleep, Good night….y/n, and please be careful”, he answers softly, as if you could only hear him. “I will Tai, bye”, swallowing the thick lump in your throat. When you left America, Tai had taken the place of Owen as the big brother person. You knew he was scared for your life, seeing he never asked you to be careful when you went on mission. With a quick bye the call had ended, the people in the room looked at you for answers. Answers you didn’t want to give right know, you had other things that had to be done.

“Okay, quick answers to your questions, no and no and NOOO!!!”, looking at Lexi and Calli both had an eyebrow raised. “So, you two don….” Calli starts, but stop when she sees you stare at her. Sighing you answer quickly, “ Tai is like Owen, a big brother to me, he and Makoto, they just took care of me. I was a mess when I started to work there and they took me in, I learned the language, the rituals and habits, they made sure I had an off switch. Not always y/n, the field agent who never sleeps, hence the robotto”, you almost shout the last part, why did you have to feel this way. All those fucking emotions were coming back, they were making everything so difficult again. Why couldn’t she just stay in that damn prison. “I just need a moment”, excusing yourself, you walk out of the com room and head for the kitchen a cup of coffee would straiten your mind.

Taking a sip of the hot liquid you close your eyes and sigh. You had to solve this, quickly, the longer you stayed here, the more you were on edge. Trying to find inner peace, your moment gets interrupted by the scrapping of Steve’s throat. “Sorry, just wanted to check if you’re okay”, a red blush on his cheeks. “I’m fine, Steve, just need a moment to myself”, you turn away from him, “It’s not easy, getting dragged into your world again. I was trying to give everything a place and know that bitch drags me right back in”, you gesture into thin air. “I had a deal with faith, I would leave love alone and faith wouldn’t test my emotions ever again. I….”, you feel a tear on the apple of your cheek, whipping it away you are surprised to see you’re crying. When you start to laugh to yourself, Steve gets worried, “You’re not okay, don’t try to fool me, y/n, come here”, Steve takes you by your arm, trying to hug you, “No, let me go”, you protest, but for the first time since long, Steve is stronger than your will. “Please Steve, let me go, just let me”, your voice cracking, the tears in your eyes ready to spill. “Please y/n, let me hold you. All those times I didn’t hold you while you needed it, just…let me hold you this once”, he begs. Slowly giving in to his hug, you hit him a few times on the chest, trying to scare him off, but he lets you. Once your complete in his grasp, you give in entirely and start to cry. Everything you held in all those years, spilling out this once, onto Steve’s uniform. He tries to ease you, rubbing your back, hugging you tighter, if only he could take everything he’d done to you back. If only you would let him in, if only it was that easy.

Both of you stand there, holding each other for an unknown time. When you’re calmed, you wipe away your tears, while Steve has still his arms around you. “y/n, I know this isn’t a good time, but when we have solved this and before you leave to Japan, could we at least have one talk?”, he asks, looking into your eyes, searching for an answer. You swallow before answering, “I don’t know. I need to think about it. Give me time okay?” your voice is hoarse from crying. “I’ll wait, won’t push”, Steve answers, letting go of you, missing the warmth of you instantly. “I guess working with a jetlag, makes you crazy, huh”, you slightly smile up to him. “Let’s get to work. I need to unravel the words, Sharon spoke. There’s a meaning behind it”, the determination in your voice gives Steve the sign he should let it rest, until this was solved. You had your mind set on getting Sharon back in the Raft and he would only complicate things now. But come time he would ask you for that talk again, he wanted a fair chance.

Walking into the com room, you ask Lexi to play the sound file from Tai again, listening with your eyes close, you listen for the words that are important. “Again”, you ask Lexi. This time certain words are more present, then others, you focus on the words destiny, change and fate. You keep repeating those words, like it’s your new mantra. Hoping it will trigger some kind of memory within you. Mentally going through all the pieces of paper you held in your hands, searching for something you’ve read and could be connected to those words. You stop pacing in the room, you didn’t even notice you had begun, “There’s a piece of paper, where did I leave it”, you mumble to yourself, realizing the solution is in the next room, you sprint out the com room, almost colliding with Steve, “Sorry, out of my way”, you apologize and demand at the same time, Steve looking confused after you, “She’s got the solution”,  Lexi answers to the unspoken question on Steve’s face.

“Where’s that piece of paper, she only researched one, there’s only one mythical instrument that can change fate. Where is it”, searching through the piles of paper on the large desk. “y/n, slow down”, you hear Steve say, but you ignore his comment. Within a few steps Steve’s with you, takes you by the arms and turns you towards him. “Stop it, you’re not thinking straight”, he says looking into your eyes. “Steve, let me go, if she’s after what I think, I’m…we are in great danger.. Let go”, you demand, “No, first you need to calm down, explain your thinking to me, please”, tightening his grip on you, you realize you need to explain. You’ll find the piece of paper quicker when you look together. Breathing in and out a few time, you motion for Steve to let you go, “I’m calm”, looking at him, you continue, “If I’m right, she’s planning to change the fates of all three of us. If I’m right we need to get on that plane to Morocco as soon as possible. If she’s after what I think she’s after, it’s the Cintamani stone. The only mythical stone, capable of changing once fate, with one wish she can erase me from the timeline. Like I never existed”, you say facing Steve, seeing the realization in Steve’s face, if that was her plan, you both were screwed.

[icarus-imagines]

Zero Kiryu X Reincarnated!Reader

Hello~! May I request a Zero Kiryu x Reader? I want him to be how he is now and let's make it reincarnated lovers AU.

Word Count: 2,810

Category: Vampire Knight

Inspiration/Thought Process: Reincarnation Feels

~When I'm No Longer Young and Beautiful~

"Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?"

A small giggle erupted from your lips as you stared at him, cuddling closely, to the one and only man you would ever truly call your husband and Soulmate. His hair was a shining silver, relating to that of silk. His skin a snowy-white. Lastly, your favorite part of him, his eyes. They were always so vibrant and shining the color of pure lavender that always cheered you up one way or another whenever you gazed into them.

"You know I always will...," you replied with full, sincere honesty from the bottom of your heart. "No matter what, I always will."

He hummed in response as he lowered the shoulder of your baby blue-dyed kimono to gaze lovingly at your body. A blush erupted from your cheeks at his sudden confidence but scooted closer, on top of the futon, burying your face into the crook of his neck, a normal tendency of yours.

~*~*~*~

Waking up quickly your dream slowly faded away, but your persistent grasped at it even though it was but a single string. Every night would be the same, dreaming it really. It wasn't unusual for people to dream about their past lives and their Soulmate. Oh well, it wasn't unusual for a vampire, that is.

Yet every time you dreamed/remembered it like a memory right when you awoke you forgot every second of it. Which irked you since you always awoke with a brilliant mood and grin plastered on you (F/t) face. Sighing, you groggily leaped out of bed your short (It will help the story) shoulder length (H/c) hair bobbing with your (B/s) figure.

You curiously turned your head to the right looking at the bedside table to see the necklace you've had since you could remember. It was a beautiful heart-shaped pendant made out of pure gold, with your own initials. Your hands reach out and picked it up carefully, the weight of the pendant weighing down your hand just a bit. It actually helps, since it signified that it was there whenever you wore it. Your thumb rubbing lightly over the outdented loopy font of your initials. Even though you rubbed it over and over every day, due to either nervousness and/or anxiety sometimes, you were surprised it hadn't faded at all. It still seemed to keep its original color no matter how had or how long you rubbed it. Which was a bonus, since you didn't have to worry about it ever looking different than it did when you had first been given it.

Your hands turned it sideways and opened up the small clasp. It split into two sections in which you could place one small picture in each. Unfortunately for as long as you have had it, there had never been any sort of pictures fit inside it. And you planned to keep it that way, for the hope of finding the pictures that you knew for sure were there once.

Letting out a small sigh you shook off the subject clamping it back together to make it whole again. Unlatching the chain you lifted your short hair and latched it back again. The pendant resting against your skin, the coolness of the locket including the weight reminding you it was always going to be there.

Adorning the usual Day Class uniform for the elite school Cross Academy, with your golden heart locket, you hurriedly set off to the first of your many classes. You had always wanted to keep your grades high so getting up a little earlier than most people was a normal everyday activity for you. You may not be the most intellectual of your many peers, but you were smarter than the majority of them.

Making sure not to create much noise, since you were about 30 minutes earlier than issued to get to class, you entered one of the first classrooms of your first period not knowing another soul actually had joined you in the room. Glancing up with your (E/c) eyes you noticed a boy with his head resting on his shoulders lazily. His eyelids half covered his eyes not allowing you to see their color, but from what you were seeing from his hair was that it was a glittering silver.

For a second you had to stop in your tracks to your seat in the front, which he was sat right behind you, to just stare at him. Deja vu hit you like a foggy cloud, yet due to not being able to grasp at it, it is not holdable, you could only watch it slip away right in front of you. You shook your head a bit your locks of shoulder-length (H/c) shaking this way and that on your head.

You blush and hold your bag tightly as you feel him staring intently at you, but you being too shy to look down at your feet deciding to just take a seat in the front row, like usual. Your hair blocking the view of your (E/c) colored eyes from him.

~*~*~*~

The first period of the day, along with all the others, passed without a breeze. With the help of keeping my mood up was a result of having Yuki Kuran and Sayori Wakaba by my side throughout the day. Yuki may not be the most engaging student, at least she made me smile and think about life, and how it's too short etc.

I owed her a lot since she had introduced me to many people and showed me around the humongous grounds of Cross Academy.

"(Y/n)!" a voice yelled in your ear. You grimaced a bit and opening your eyes to see Yuki, her short brown shoulder-length hair staring at you with a confused expression. You tilted your head curiously wondering what she could want. It was always a mystery to somebody like her, which made you intrigued in her in the first place. It was fun not knowing what would happen next.

"Yes, Yuki-Chan?" You asked, packing up your school bag quietly trying to maintain eye contact with her. Even though you tried to stay quiet it wasn't like anybody would be bothered by it since everybody had already left in a hurry, along with Sayori.

She smiled noticing she had grabbed your attention. She clapped her hands together letting out a small squeal of excitement. "I have somebody I wish for you to meet!"

Your head stayed tilted to the side, and your hands subconsciously sprang up to the locket rubbing it slowly. "And who would that be?" You questioned her, not too excited about meeting a new person. Especially Yuki's friend since most were vampires, like herself.

Clearly evident from her long strands of brown hair that had once been shoulder-length until Kaname, a pureblood also being her older brother, had changed her. At least she had the decency of telling you her deepest secret. Even Sayori didn't even know. Which meant a lot to you, that she thought you could be trusted with something of the likes of vampires.

"He's been my friend for quite a while! Since we were children! He should be looking out for Day Class students right now!" She cheered with glee. You showed a small smile, not wanting to upset her. You nodding picking up your bag, standing up from your seat. "I wanted to introduce you two before I leave with Kaname...," her voice soft for once. You looked her in the eye and knew you had to meet this person. For Yuki.

~*~*~*~

"He should be this way!" She yelled, probably making the person she wanted to meet aware of her coming from a mile away. You clung desperately to her hand as she ran through the schoolyard towards the Night Class Dorms, where he was likely to be keeping a lookout.

Your locket thumped against your (S/c) chest, calming you down a bit to at least stare at Yuki's hair flowing behind her.

"Oh, there he is!" Yuki yelled knocking you out of our thoughts. She stopped almost abruptly causing you to fall on the ground butt first, after bumping into her sturdy back. "Gomen!"

"You should be careful Yuki, you can't keep doing that to people so much," a voice like silk thread said. You stared at your shoes embarrassed as your face grew hot.

"Okay...," Yuki pouted.

"You need any help?" The voice asked as its owner reached their hand out in front of your face. Your (E/c) eyes trailed from the tips of his finger, along with the length of his arm, and to his face.

You froze in place as your eyes met, (E/c) with lavender. His breath caught short in his throat as he stared down at you.

The memories, like bombs, all erupted at once as you started to remember

~*~*~*~

"Zero!" Your yell echoed off the walls as you stared at his lifeless body, blood spilling from the countless wounds on his body. The most severe from the left side of his neck. Running towards his body, almost tripping over your kimono, your body gave out from underneath you as you neared him. Your arms cuddled his body close gingerly supporting his head as if he was a newborn infant. "Z-Zero?"

Looking down at his face, even though you knew he was long gone, you couldn't help him. Though you were a pureblood there was nothing that you could do that would make him wake up.

"So you're the one that he so truly desires?" A soft voice of a woman said with a mocking hint laying underneath.

Your head snapped up in horror as the figure came closer. Her skin was a snowy-white, her hair a silvery-white that reached down to her feet. And her eyes an unusual shade of pink glared at you as she stepped closer her kimono dragging on the ground. "Shizuka H-hio!?" You yelled confused.

"That's my name isn't it?" she said with a snappy bark. "I was wondering when you would come after him, I just knew you would...."

"W-Why? Why!" You yelled your voice becoming hoarse with overuse.

"Why, you ask? To get back at you," Her bangs swished as she stared at Zero's dead body, trapped between your arms in a desperate plea to keep him with you as long as you could. "Always stealing my men, because of your beauty I could never be with who I wished. How foolish of me, because you never cared about any of them. Until he came along...," she pointed at Zero. "I had finally found a target, somebody you didn't yet know about then you came into his life and you both fell in love. With each other no less! I was heartbroken to hear that you two had gotten married!" she yelled her voice even higher as she grimaced at the rings on both you and Zero's wedding fingers, glittering a bright gold.

"So just because I fell in love with a man you needed to do this!? I loved him! I still love him! " You cried out tears spilling down your face. "And I'll continue to still love him, forever!"

You held your long (H/c) hair, that went to your knees, in your left hand and brought out a silver dagger from your kimono. Shizuka eyed you warily, watching your every move. "What are you doing?"

You ignored her question as you cleanly cut your hair, it falling to the floor as the rest is only shoulder-length. Your eyes slowly swirl into the color red as you bear your white fangs. "I'm going to love Zero, forever. I don't care if I have to give up being a Pureblood to be with him...I love him too much...," you say softly against Zero's skin on the left side of his neck. You stick your tongue out licking the blood already dripping from the wound given to him by Shizuka.

Biting down as soft as you could into his flesh you drank his blood savoring the sweet taste and smell of him, wanting to bath in it for the rest of your life. Unlatching your mouth from his neck you open his mouth enough to shove in your wrist that you had already bitten. Your blood sliding down his throat easily.

Shizuka stared at you in pure terror realizing what you were about to do. But she never thought somebody could actually activate it. She tried running towards you to pull you away from Zero but was held back by your powers. Keeping her restrained, but still incited the spell you kept working. Your mouth moved forming words silently until it stopped and your body gave out, laying atop Zero.

Shizuka screamed realizing what you had done. Now she could never have Zero. And he only belonged to you...

~*~*~*~

You gasped getting sucked out of the first memory, pushed out like you had drowned in waves of ocean water. Your eyes flickered up seeing Zero with the same expression on his face. He smiled at you, knowing you both were Soulmates. But the moment was soon broken by Yuki.

"Oh, my gosh, Zero! You're actually smiling! I can't believe your Soulmates, but you're not a vamp-" she's cut off when she stares at your features. Your skin had become paler than usual (If possible) and your eyes were a bloody red, fangs poking your bottom lip. Your hair had grown longer, to your knees like in your memory. "I have to tell Kaname! He'll be so happy about this!" She ran off to find him without another thought.

You turned to Zero a smile reaching your face. You had gained some of your memories and you knew spending more time with him would act more and you would learn more about what the spell meant and what he had meant to you in your "past" life. But for now, all you wished to do was learn more about him.

"So, your name's Zero?" You asked softly holding your hand out for his to take. "Mine's (Y/n)...It's nice to meet you, Soulmate."

He reached his hand out, taking your much smaller one in his. "Likewise."

~*~*~*~

~Extra Ending~

You held the locket in your hands looking at the contents of that held two pictures. One of both you and Zero at your wedding. And the other your newborn daughter.

Looking at both you couldn't help, but feel a rushing wave of happiness and relief. You had already gotten all of your missing memories completing the puzzle into one. Clamping it shut you held it close to your chest. You sat in the chair in front of the fireplace but was snapped out of your trance to the padding of footsteps.

You watched as you daughter only 5 years old ran into the room with a towel covering her naked body. Bubbles clung to the top of her cute little head as she headed towards you, getting you wet as she jumped onto your lap. She giggled as she hugged your waist tightly.

"What are you doing?" You asked your eyes widening.

"Daddy was trying to make me take a bath!" she giggled out.

And true to her words Zero came running in his clothes all wet, his hair dripping with water. You blushed at his appearance.

"I thought I was the only one that could make you wet?~" You teased forgetting about your daughter. But she just giggled thinking of something innocent. You hugged her tighter resting your dry head on her damp hair, as you stared at her (E/c) eyes lovingly. Zero came up to you two kneeling on his knees his front resting on your lap. He smiled up at you through his strands of silver hair.

"(Y/n)?" he asked. You hummed telling him you were listening. "Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?"

A laugh slipped past your lips as you gazed at both Zero and (Y/d/n). "You know I always will...And I always will...,"

And you meant every word of it. Being vampires had its perks. And since both of you were, along with your dear child, you would all be able to stay together...forever.

And thanks to Kaname, Shizuka was no longer alive.

You would have to thank him for that at least.

[somxusarchiveee]

*Crawls on everyone* Hey everyone, I want to say a big thank you once more for you all being so patient with me. The healing process is just going slow for me, especially cause I also just recently got a UTI, ouchies ;P; but don’t worry I am fine, I just have to take it slow as I am now. Anxiety as usual is also what is taking a toll on me, but I really, reallly want to plan on taking care of that.. it’s just hard for some reason even though I’m an adult  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ANYHOO, I’m just rambling, idk what I’m saying gomen.

With finals coming up soon I may still be slow till they are done, but here’s hoping I’ll be here writing soon, but at least for now I will try to keep this blog active with posts and maybe some asks, but for sure I will keep this blog active with regular posts so it’s not dead. Thank you all for your support. ♥

ALSO. These are ppl I owe replies to, just to keep track: @argentcanus - 1 / @badassbarmaid​ - 2 / @keycursed​ - 1 / @ofmeteor - 1 / @fxmiliarity - 1 / @piictograph -  1

If you are not listed just let me know ♥

[tooriu]

your hands and lips still know their way around

word count: 4.8k status: oneshot summary: 

it must be true about what they say about liquid courage, because kageyama suddenly speaks up. “why didn’t we work out? we were so good together, and then….and then nothing. why—” his voice cracks, and he takes a moment to focus on not breaking down. “why did you have to leave?”

or, the au where kageyama sees his hinata at daichi and sugawara’s wedding and decides that maybe he doesn't want to be hinata’s ex anymore.

ao3

The invitation to the wedding comes in a crème colored envelope edged with gold details, his name and address written across the front of it in calligraphy kanji so fancy that Kageyama barely recognizes it as his own. It’s classical and elegant, printed on a thick sheet of cardstock, and he thinks with an almost imperceptible smile that Sugawara-senpai must’ve been the one to choose it. A smaller sheet of paper falls out with the invite, and Kageyama hesitates for a moment before picking it up. It’s handwritten in black ink in a messy scrawl he hasn’t seen in a long time.

Hope you’ll be able to make it, Kageyama-kun! It’s been awhile since the all crows have gotten together. -Kōshi

Kageyama turns the paper over, hoping to find answers to the questions flitting through his mind at a mile per minute. The one that seems to recur most often, however, is one he already knows. Will Hinata be there? Because of course Daichi and Sugawara invited Shōyō to their wedding. The more rational side of Kageyama tells him that it’ll be an awkward affair filled with his longing glances and Hinata’s attempts to ignore him, that it’ll end like their relationship—with the both of them hurting and in tears.

With a small sigh and a pang in his chest, Kageyama puts the card back inside of the envelope, lays it on his kitchen counter, and leaves for volleyball practice.

“Uh….Hey, Kageyama?” Hinata says, his eyes pointedly looking at the clock above Tobio’s head. Then at the school building’s brick wall. Then at the grass underneath their feet. Really, anywhere except for Kageyama.

He waits for a few seconds for Hinata to start speaking again once it’s obvious that the orange-haired ace of Karasuno has Kageyama’s attention. Then, after the silence stretches longer than necessary, he clicks his tongue. “Tch. Just say it, baka.”

“Do you, uh, wanttogodosomethingtogetheronFriday?” Hinata asks, eyes wide with excitement and his palms sweaty with the anticipation of rejection.

Kageyama blinks. With the way Hinata had mumbled the last part of his question together, the setter hadn’t been able to fully understand what he’d said. But if Hinata had said what Kageyama thought he had….

The red flush on Hinata’s face gradually gets more aggressive with Kageyama’s silence, and he shakes his head. “Actually, you know what? Nevermind. It’s nothing. Forget I—”

While he’s never been particularly lucky in games of chance, Kageyama plays one of the biggest gambles of his life. He smashes their lips together, and he can’t help but think that Hinata smells like oranges and tastes a little bit like the donut he’d had earlier. It’s awkward—their noses keep bumping into each other, their teeth collide more than once—but it’s perfect because it’s Hinata.

“Hell yeah! You owe me a hundred Yen, Ryu. I told you it’d be their second year.”

With a start, they break apart and find Nishinoya and Tanaka standing nearby with matching shit-eating grins. Or rather, a disgruntled Tanaka handing cash over to his best friend while Noya smiles with a sort of giddiness that’s akin to one the libero wears when eating Garigari-Kun.

“Really guys?” Tanaka sighs, though it’s obvious there aren’t any real hard feelings by the way his lips are slightly upturned. “You couldn’t have waited until next year?”

Kageyama’s face burns, but Hinata bounces with joy and says, “Sorry guys, but we have to go. I have a date on Friday!”

Playing on Japan’s national volleyball team was both an exhilarating experience and an exhausting one. With the coach’s grueling training menu and the odd hours, it was demanding, and if Kageyama Tobio didn’t enjoy playing so much, he might’ve quit long ago. However, his love for volleyball didn’t cancel out the fact that he definitely still had bad days and people still pissed him off.

His phone buzzed from inside his pocket, and with a slight frown on his face, Kageyama read the caller ID. Iwaizumi Hajime.

Immediately swiping right, he puts it next to his ear. “Iwaizumi-senpai?”

He could practically see the face Iwaizumi made through the phone, scrunched-up nose and a gathering of wrinkles on his forehead, at the honorific. “Don’t call me that, Tobio-kun. It makes me sound old.”

“I—uh—gomen, Hajime-kun,” he replies, pushing open the door. “What did you need?”

There’s a moment of silence on the other side of the line, and it’s long enough that it makes Kageyama glance at the screen just to be sure that the call hadn’t accidentally cut off. “I just,” Iwaizumi sighs, “wanted to make sure you were alright. The, uh, invitations to Kōshi’s wedding arrived in the mail and, knowing him, they probably sent it to… You know…”

The former ace of Aobajōsai trails off, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what he’d meant to say. It’s the same name that’s been bouncing off the walls of his mind ever since Kageyama had opened that envelope, been in his head ever since they’d split. (It was odd to think of them as separate entities now that high school was over. They’d always been together even if they weren’t together, and he had very few memories that he liked where they weren’t. It’d always been Karasuno’s freak duo, but now Kageyama is all alone.)

“Hinata,” he fills in for Iwaizumi, “You can say his name. It’s not like it bothers me or anything, Hajime-kun.”

But it does, and the feeling of saying Shōyō’s name out loud again feels like a breath of fresh air after running a marathon or a drink of cold water after practice. It’s salvation in the hell he’s been living, and it’s an oasis in a desert. The bittersweet feeling starts low in his stomach and slowly crawls up his spine and down his arms until he’s tingling with the entire sensation.

“Um, okay.” There’s rustling and the sound of a door opening on Iwaizumi’s side, and a loud voice carries through whatever room he must be in. “Sorry, I’ve got to go. Tōru’s home.”

“Hai.”

“You know,” Iwaizumi starts, “he won’t say anything, especially to your face, but Tōru’s been worried about you. We’re worried about you.”

“I’m fine.” It tastes sour, like the prefabricated lie that’s been sitting on the back of his tongue that it is. He owes Hajime more than this, more than half-baked falsehoods, and adds, “I will be fine, at least.”

“Alright. Just, uh, make sure to call if you need anything, Tobio,” he replies, “Keep in touch?”

“Yeah.”

A bright smile on his face, Hinata laughs into the sleeve of Kageyama’s jacket as they walk to school. It was too long, reaching halfway down his thigh and the sleeves drooping over his short arms, making the orange-haired ace look even smaller than usual. Kageyama can’t help the small upturn of his lips when he thinks of a pocket-sized Hinata slotting perfectly inside the palm of his hand.

“You should do that more often,” Hinata says, wide-eyed and serious as he glances at Kageyama’s face from the corner of his eye.

He clicks his tongue, more out of habit than any real exasperation. “What do you mean?”

“Smile,” Hinata replies with a blinding grin, “You look cuter.”

The blush flares on Kageyama’s face, spreading from the tips of his ears and painting his nose and cheeks with an obvious pink. “D—don’t just say things like that, dumbass!”

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Kageyama buries his face further into his light blue scarf, shielding more of his face from the biting winds, and walks the two blocks from his apartment to a tiny café squished between two other department stores. It’s heated, thankfully enough, and well-lit. Several tables litter the interior, arranged in a strict, symmetrical pattern around the room. He scans the room and moves toward the blonde figure sitting near the back.

“Konnichiwa, Yacchan,” he mumbles, unwrapping the pale blue material from around his neck. “How’s work?”

Her face immediately lights up, and Yachi shoots him a megawatt smile. “It’s great! Thanks for asking. My boss is a bit intimidating, but Shimizu-kun says that if I was able to handle you and Hinata for three years, it should be pretty easy in comparison.”

She laughs softly, like a gentle breeze in early spring, and for some reason, it makes Kageyama think of pink cherry blossoms. The ends of his lips quirk up, though he tries his best not to grimace at the mention of his ex. He wonders if Yachi knows how badly they’d both screwed each other over in the end, how sharp the bladed words they’d thrown at each other actually wore, and decides that it’d probably only hurt her if he told.

“Any new designs?” he asks, settling into the padded black armchair across from her.

Yachi nods excitedly, her hair falling into her face slightly with the movement. It was longer than when they’d been in high school but still only brushed her shoulders. “There’s this one where the sleeves are cut slightly off so that— Oh! Here, wait. It’d be easier to show you.”

As the blonde reaches into her messenger bag, one of the waitresses walks up to them. “Konnichiwa! Would you like anything?”

Yachi gets a watermelon bubble tea and some French macarons. Kageyama opts for simplicity instead. “Black coffee, one sugar, please.”

Talking to Yachi is easy, like breathing or setting a ball, and while he smiles and mumbles jokes under his breath that make her crack a grin, it does nothing to patch the gaping emptiness pitting his stomach wide open. It’s not the same. Nothing ever is anymore. And Kageyama doesn’t expect it to be. Besides, there’s probably only one person who could make things alright, and that boy has seemingly disappeared off the face of the earth.

“We’ll still be okay, right?” Hinata blurts suddenly. They’re lying on their backs, staring at the white ceiling from their position on Hinata’s bedroom floor, having long given up on completing their homework. Practice had been tough that day, and the weariness was beginning to seep into their bones. “Like, even if we doesn’t work out, we’ll still be friends?”

Kageyama wrinkles his nose. “Why the fuck wouldn’t we work out?”

“I— Fuck, that’s not what I meant.” He sighs then sits up, pulling his legs to his chest and resting his chin atop his knees. “Just in case, you know? Some weird shit could happen then we aren’t together anymore, and—” Hinata pauses, fumbling with the words that threaten to spill from his mouth in a word vomit. “Promise me. Even if we aren’t together-together, we’ll still be there for each other.”

“Tch.” Kageyama grabs Hinata, pulling him down to the floor again and wrapping the smaller boy inside of a warm embrace. “Don’t be such a dumbass. Of course I will.”

“Thanks, Kageyama.”

“Tobio.”

“Hm?”

“My name is Tobio.”

Kageyama has friends—the kind he’ll meet up with at least once a month, if possible, and spontaneously text to check if they’re alright, albeit disguised under some other reason. He has a group chat with his teammates, and whenever he checks it, there’s always some mix of legitimate strategies and the most recent meme. Hell, he even has acquaintances that he’ll wave to if he ever sees them around town. (But he does not have a best friend or a boyfriend. He lost both of those in the same mistake.)

Kageyama is not lonely by any definition of the word, but that doesn’t explain why he looks around his apartment and feels so utterly alone that the weight of it threatens to make him fall to his knees. He’s had a hard day, and just standing here in the dark without turning the lights on, stillness covering the room and silence stifling the noise, is making everything so much worse. It’s suffocating, and it feels a lot like drowning, like the shadows around him are inky black waters that rush into his lungs. Everything—every day, every face, every movement—is the same as the previous, and there’s a tedious monotony that he can’t seem to escape. Like he’s trapped inside his own personal hamster wheel, damned to run the same course over and over and over until he fades away into nothingness. It’s so hard to just breathe, and the tears slip out of his eyes faster than he can roughly wipe them off with his palm.

“Tch,” he mutters to himself lowly, “don’t be such a weakling.”

But that’s all Kageyama has ever been in all areas outside of volleyball—weak.

“It’s okay to cry, you know,” Hinata says. It’s in a softer voice than Kageyama has ever heard from the ace before, and he’d comment on the obvious pity in the orange-haired boy’s voice if he didn’t feel so goddamn awful. “Feeling sad doesn’t make you weak.”

Kageyama curls further into himself, letting Hinata rub small circles into the small of his back. His voice is like the sun spearing through rain clouds, and Kageyama basks in the warmth of it all. There’s nothing sexual about their position—his head on Hinata’s lap, both of them sprawled across the setter’s bed—but there’s something infinitely more intimate about it. Like he’s baring his soul, everything he is, and asking Hinata to stay despite the barren ugliness of it all.

“I think you’re brave for being able to show this side of you to someone else,” he continues. “Even if it’s only me.”

Kageyama stills. “What are you talking about?”

Hinata snorts, and for some odd reason, warmth floods Kageyama’s chest. There’s something adorable about the face Karasuno’s ace pulls, but there’s self-loathing mixed in his expression too. (That’s the easiest for Kageyama to find. He sees it every time his gaze catches a mirror.) “I’m not much, Tobio.”

“More than me, dumbass,” he replies quickly. He’ll do anything to get rid of the bladed look of introspective hatred in Hinata’s eyes—anything.

When Hinata smiles back at him, it’s small and broken and not entirely healed, but it’s enough for Kageyama. He thinks that his boyfriend is something different, something other than flesh and bone, because there is no way that someone this small could have this much love. There is no way someone human could be this good. Hinata has to be something else, like a lost deity or a shooting star that landed on earth.

(He doesn’t know it yet, but just because something is holy, it does not mean it is whole.)

“Tobio!” Sugawara’s voice is loud in a way that somehow manages to avoid being irritating, waving him over to their table with a bright smile on his face. Daichi is sitting beside his husband-to-be with a look in his eyes that says holy-shit-I’m-so-in-love-with-you. Some part of Kageyama wonders if, had things gone differently, he’d be looking at someone like that. “I’m so glad you could make it.”

He smiles in reply, though it’s small and nowhere near as bright as his senpai’s. It’s easier to smile now, and Kageyama doesn’t look as awkward doing it now as he did when he was in high school. Seasons change, and along with it, so do people. Maybe, sometimes, he thinks bitterly, people change too much.

“Didn’t have practice today,” he says, taking his jacket off and placing it across the back of the chair before sitting down, “Besides, I wouldn’t miss your bachelor’s party, Sugawara-san.”

“It’s just a dinner,” Sugawara says, “Besides, it’s Kōshi.”

It’s hard to break the habit that Kageyama has built up for himself of building walls to avoid getting hurt again. It’s absolutely ridiculous, especially since he’s known Sugawara for nearly ten years, but he still has to make a conscious effort not to do it anyway.

“Oi, Kageyama!” Tanaka hits Kageyama on the back in a friendly display of camaraderie. “Nice to see you.”

He replies with something bland and generic that seems to satisfy Ryūnosuke enough that the baldy turns to excitedly prattle along with Nishinoya, but Kageyama’s eyes scan the filled seats with a bubbling sort of mix between panic and anticipation. But there isn’t any orange to be seen anywhere. (He can’t tell if the fact comforts or depresses him.)

“His plane was delayed,” Sugawara whispers, so softly that no one but the two of them can hear. “He won’t land in Japan until tomorrow, but...he’ll definitely be at the wedding.”

Kageyama blinks. “How…?”

“You had this look,” Sugawara says, a sad and melancholy smile adorning his face, “like you were missing something you haven’t had in a long time.”

There are only three certainties in the universe for Kageyama, the list of it fitting so nicely in his rhetoric that he could practically see it in his mind’s eye. Everything else seems so lackluster and ephemeral in comparison, and he can’t help use the concreteness as a sort of safety blanket.

One — He is a setter. There are very few things that compare to the feeling of the surety of the ball, slipping perfectly into the niche of his palms and launching off his fingertips. While he’ll be in any position in order to play, setter is where he does best.

Two — His personality is abrasive and sometimes outright rude. Oftentimes, he forgets to take others’ strengths and weaknesses into consideration in the attempt to score a point. There was a time when there was no one there to hit his toss.

Three — Hinata will be there. In the end, Hinata is always there.

Kageyama shuffles uncomfortably in his tuxedo, the stifling atmosphere threatening to suffocate him. There are too many people in the shrine, and it’s much too hot with all of the decorations. It’s a nice mix between a traditional Shinto wedding and a more Western one, a compromise between Daichi’s old-fashioned parents and Sugawara’s decidedly more progressive family. Surprisingly, Sugawara had chosen Oikawa as his best man, while Daichi had picked Asahi.

Glancing around, Kageyama realizes that quite a few of the people here are from their high school years. Their Karasuno years. It makes him wonder how strange and different their lives would have been without the sport, how empty.

Every flash of orange makes his chest hurt, his heart clenching in an odd amalgam of desperation and excitement, and he wonders if he’s always been this pathetic. But there’s an empty seat two places to Kageyama’s left, past Tanaka and Nishinoya’s joking laughter, with Shōyō’s name written in fancy calligraphy on a tiny white notecard, and just looking at it opens the deluge of confusion that sits low in Kageyama’s stomach.

“Gomenasai, Daichi-kun, Kōshi-kun. I got stuck in traffic on the way here.”

“That’s alright, Shōyō,” Daichi says, “You’re here now, and that’s what matters.”

Kageyama is so fucked.

His phone rings from its place on the kitchen counter, surrounded by textbooks and paper. The name Hinata Shōyō flashes across the screen in big white letters, and Kageyama scrambles to pick it up.

“Hello?”

There’s a shifting on the other side of the line. “Oh shit. I forgot to ask if you were busy studying for finals.”

“No, it’s fine,” he replies, rubbing the fatigue out of his eyes with the back of a hand. “Just bored out of my mind doing Japanese history. What’s up?”

“I did it!” Hinata exclaims brightly. Kageyama can hear the grin in Hinata’s tone. “I got my acceptance letter for Tokai U! It came in the mail today.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” A heartbeat of silence. “Holy shit. I really did it.”

Kageyama glances to the opened envelope sitting a few feet away, a full-ride scholarship to Tokyo University sitting inside as an invitation to play volleyball for the school. More than 1000 kilometers away from Tokai, sitting all the way in Hokkaido. More than 1000 kilometers away from Hinata.

Something heavy gathers in his throat, and Kageyama tries his best to swallow down that growing feeling of despair as he says, “You worked hard for it. Of course you did.”

“Tob— Er...Kageyama? Is that you?”

He turns around, the sight of orange hair stopping Kageyama’s heart inside of his chest. It’s been five years since they’ve last seen each other, but this is wrong—so wrong. They should have been together here, laughing and holding hands and dodging questions about their own wedding, but instead they’re standing with two feet between them that feel like miles. It could have been a complete stranger for all the nonexistent familiarity between the two of them.

It should have been Tobio, not Kageyama.

“Hey,” he says, lifting a hand in a small, sad excuse of a wave and trying his best to keep his composure.

Hinata smiles. It’s as bright as the sun, and Kageyama’s just the shadow chasing after him. “How have you been?”

The bitter side of him wants to say, You would know if you hadn’t left. But he can’t. Even after all this time, Kageyama can’t bring himself to despise Hinata for the way their relationship had crumbled.

“Good.”

It’s a measly half-truth, but he’s unable to gather up the courage to live in complete honesty. One part of him wants to keep their conversation going in the hopes that even if their relationship hadn’t thrived, maybe Kageyama could get his best friend back. The other part just wants to leave, to run away from his problems like he had before, anything to stop the hurt that pooled in the center of his chest.

“Um...Well, it was good seeing you, Kageyama-kun,” Hinata says, rubbing his arm awkwardly as their momentum sputters out. “I think I saw Yacchan and Kenma-kun over there. I’m gonna go say hi.”

And just like the last time, Kageyama lets him walk away.

When Hinata had first left for Sapporo, they’d called each other every night. Now, they were lucky to get one every two weeks. The work had just steadily piled on, and the strict curriculum and rigorous volleyball practice hadn’t left much time for socializing. The first time they speak outside of the occasional text in over two months is for their break: a planned, weeklong trip for the original members of the original Karasuno team back in Miyagi.

On the last day there, just before they go their separate ways into different cars and planes and trains, Hinata walks up to Kageyama. “Er...Can I talk to you?”

It doesn’t strike him as anything odd, so he says, “Yeah. Sure.”

They walk to a secluded area, Hinata fiddling with his fingers on the entire walk there.

“Listen,” he says, “I think we should, you know…. Take a break.”

“What.”

“Just until the summer,” Hinata continues, his voice soft. As if he were afraid of breaking Kageyama. “We’re too busy at the moment to maintain a relationship. I mean, we’ve barely talked since last April.”

“I guess.”

“Okay.” Hinata nods, something like disappointment shining in his eyes as he leaves but Kageyama doesn’t know why. Wasn’t this what he wanted?

Kageyama knows he’ll have one hell of a hangover the following morning, but there’s an open tab on the alcohol and he’s got a lot of problems he wants to forget.

“Isn’t that your third sake bomb, Bakageyama?” Tsukishima walks up to the bar with his hands in his pockets and his expression questioning, but something like worry lines his all-seeing stare. “You know you’re going to regret this tomorrow, right? No matter how crazy good your alcohol tolerance is.”

“Hmm.”

Tsukishima sighs and sits down at the stool beside him, calling the bartender over. “A shot of your best.”

Kageyama doesn’t question it. Not after the tentative camaraderie they’d formed after all-nighters and bitching about professors together in the library. But even after all of that, they still refuse to move further than a last name basis, like they’re subtly trying to deny their friendship. “What are you doing here, Tsukishima-kun?”

“You looked like you were having an absolute blast standing over here and being an antisocial loner, so I thought I’d give it a try,” he replies smoothly. Despite his acerbic tone, he meaning is something like, I know you saw Hinata earlier, and I wanted to make sure you were okay.

“I’m having the time of my life,” Kageyama tells him with equal sarcasm. Thanks for checking up on me.

“Well that’s absolutely great,” he says, picking up the shot glass and sipping at the vodka. “But just to warn you, Hinata’s walking this way.”

“I think he misses you,” Yachi says over a bowl of ramen, chopsticks flailing around as she waves her hand with every word she speaks.

Kageyama picks at the karaage he’d ordered and feigns idiocy. “Who?”

“You know who, Tobio-kun. He still asks about you.” Her tone is soft, gentle, like Kageyama is an easily-scared animal she’s found in the wild.

“He’s the one that left, Yachi. Not me.”

“Oh! Kageyama-kun,” Hinata’s voice is slurred and his walk slightly swaying as he walks toward Kageyama. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

“You have? Why?”

“Just to catch up,” he says, “What’s going on in your life at the moment?”

“Um, well, we’re training for Nationals.” Dumbass, he thought, Hinata probably was too.

He laughs. “That’s nice.”

The silence that falls on them is awkward and sticky, like a blanket he just can’t seem to quite get rid of. It’s the loudest quiet Kageyama has ever heard. That is, before he decides to break it.

It must be true about what they say about liquid courage, because Kageyama suddenly speaks up. “Why didn’t we work out? We were so good together, and then….and then nothing. Why—” His voice cracks, and he takes a moment to focus on not breaking down. “Why did you have to leave?”

“I—”

“What?”

“I don’t know,” Hinata admits.

“You don’t know,” Kageyama repeats dumbly, too shocked at the confession to say much else. He’s had a broken heart for this long, and all Hinata can say to explain it is I don’t know. Bullshit.

“I was stupid, so stupid,” Hinata says, staring into his glass of whiskey, “and I should have done something other than what I did. I should have talked to you about it or asked you or done literally anything other than break up with you, because I regret it more than I’ve ever regretted anything in my entire life. And I am so sorry for that.”

Kageyama takes a shaky breath. He’s had years to think about what he’d say if he ever got this opportunity again, but he still can’t find the right words to say. “I— I’m sorry too. I should have tried harder to get you to stay. Called, at the very least.”

Hinata raises his glass high up towards the stars, the sheen of it glinting against the light of the moon, and smiles ruefully. “Maybe we were both wrong.”

Kageyama isn’t the brightest or most hardworking student, but after the split, no one could say his sudden academic excellency was undeserved. He’d thrown himself into studying, ignoring the mind-numbing torture of sitting in front of textbooks for hours on end, and got straight Bs. And when he was tired of that, he dove headfirst into volleyball, losing himself in jump serves and giving the spiker a perfect toss.

But eventually even that hurt too much. Because sometimes, when his hands touch the ball, his mind sees a flash of orange and all he can think of are the headlines of Karasuno’s Insane Quick across volleyball magazines. Because the court without Hinata is far too colorless and cold, and Kageyama can’t stand it.

It’s a soft groan and harsh sun that wakes Kageyama up, and his hand shoots to block his eyes from the offensive light that makes his headache worse. The only good thing about it is the warmth, he thinks as he pulls the covers back over himself.

“Watch it, asshole. I need some too.”

His eyes widen, and he immediately sits up. Just as he’d suspected, Hinata lay beside him on the bed, eyes closed and mumbling. Holy fuck. Had they...? No, they were both still wearing their clothes. Running a hand through his hair, Kageyama closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, letting himself live inside this pocket of heaven for just a few more seconds before standing up and making sure he has his phone before he leaves.

“You’re not leaving, are you?”

Hinata has a single eye cracked open, fear and hope all muddled together in that single expression, and it shatters Kageyama’s resolve in a single blow.

He sighs and walks back over to the bed, shifting under the covers and pulling Hinata close. “I guess not.”