#had this as a shower thought so I had to manifest it into existence

[yoru-kage]

Benoit Blanc is utterly delightful pass it on

[bucksangel]

Honeysuckle

pairing: alpha!steve x alpha!bucky, alpha!steve x artist!omega!reader x alpha!bucky (poly) - omegaverse!au pt. 3

word count: 4k

summary: “Honey,” Bucky sighs wistfully, falling into your embrace while Steve stands behind you with his arms around your waist and helping you not fall over under Bucky’s hulking frame. You don’t mind though, you’d happily die by being crushed under their weight if it meant you could touch them, and have them touch you. Caressing you, kissing you, adoring you the way only they can. And despite your earlier hesitation, you wouldn’t pass up the chance to brighten up your Alphas day for anything. And their grateful kisses and pleased rumbles let you know that you did just that.

or - your Alphas take such good care of you. their mere presence brightens up your day, so when your Alphas have a rough day you take it upon yourself to show them how good of an Omega you can be, that you can provide for them too.

warnings: 18+, mild suggestive thoughts, i apologize to ur dentists bc there’s so much fluff it might give you a toothache, omega is very shy and awkward but steve and bucky are fond and patient, fluff, kissing, tw for steve using 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, tiny bit of hurt/comfort, bucky needs some lovin’

a/n: this is dedicated to the loml @buckysbarne and @buckysprettybaby who also helped beta <3

milk and honey masterlist | main masterlist | tip jar

“Babe -“ Bucky sighs, his head hanging low and hands clenched into tight fists. “I’ll be okay.”

Steve huffs, walking up to his boyfriend and wrapping one arm around his Alphas waist, cupping his cheek with his other hand.

“It’s okay, she’ll understand,” Steve whispers softly, leaning forward and placing a delicate kiss on his mate’s forehead before pulling back and guiding Bucky to look up at him. He quickly dips his head to kiss Bucky’s lips.

“What if she doesn’t?” Bucky mumbles, shame and embarrassment flooding his body.

Why can’t he just be normal?

The day started horribly; Bucky woke up at around seven in the morning from a particularly harrowing nightmare. He hasn’t had one of those in a while, so it was very unwelcoming. This one, unlike other nightmares he’s had, was terrifying in a way he’d never felt.

He knows they’re gone, that Hydra and its agents have been obliterated, but that doesn’t mean Bucky doesn’t occasionally get anxious over the ‘what ifs’ of any potential harm Steve could go through should Hydra get him.

This ‘what if’ manifested in the form of you getting captured too. Even if he and Steve haven’t mated with you yet, they both know in their bones that you were crafted by any gods that exist to complete them. And the thought of you and Steve getting taken from him is far worse than anything Hydra could ever do to him.

Steve had to shake him awake, and he hadn’t been able to stop crying long enough to explain what had happened. After ten minutes of shaking and sobbing into his mate’s chest, he was finally able to articulate the horrifying images that now plague his mind, Steve had held him close, and he had kissed his cheeks and forehead and hairline, all while cooing words of affirmation and love.

The day only got worse from there. After the dream, it started with small things; he burned his hand while trying to make coffee - then spilled the coffee all over his favorite shirt. He ran out of his shampoo and had to use Steve’s - and, listen, Bucky is fully convinced that he survived Hydra because the universe wanted them together again, but Steve could definitely use some better shower products. The whole ‘two-in-one’ thing just doesn’t cut it for Bucky.

But then they had to meet up with their teammates for a briefing over a mission that Bucky is really not excited about, and found out the original one-day mission was going to be three days. Three whole days without you? Luckily Steve is coming with him, but then he thought about you being without both of them and started getting anxious. Now, even though you all haven’t been together for long, and they both know you can handle yourself, they detest the idea of leaving you for an extended period.

They’d managed to sneak in a few texts to you. Wishing you a good day at work, sending heart emojis when you send them a picture of a cute dog you saw while walking to the studio - Sam and Natasha spent a long time trying to get the men to understand modern language - and sending you pictures of them while they were too bored to listen to Tony talk.

But then they went to a coffee shop intending to grab their coffee and rush back to their apartment to get a few things so they could pick you up from work and take you to the new ice cream shop that opened up a few blocks from your studio. Dark clouds came rushing overhead while they were waiting for their drinks, and they decided to wait out the storm in a corner booth.

But people were staring, giving them - mainly Bucky - nervous glances, and a few people at the table next to them ate quicker than someone usually would and then placed a wad of cash on the table before rushing out.

Suddenly the idea of getting ice cream doesn’t sound so appealing.

Steve noticed because he’s so attuned to his mate that he knows Bucky is dejected, Bucky is hurt, he’s tired. Tired of people still judging him. Tired of being accused of things that he had no control over. They didn’t stay long, deciding that getting soaked while racing home was better than being in a place that’s now making Bucky feel unsafe.

Bucky’s been fighting with himself ever since they got home and changed out of their wet clothes. He wants to spend time with you more than anything, and you’ve been excited about this date ever since they told you, and Bucky will be damned if he doesn’t give you anything you want. But he really doesn’t think he can handle being in public right now.

His body is hurting with how bad he’s trying to force the negativity out of his mind enough so he can enjoy being with you, but it’s hard. And Steve telling him that you’ll understand that he can’t go out breaks him. His fists clench tighter.

Bucky wants to be normal for you. He wants to go out with his mates and not get worried about getting less-than-friendly looks at the three of you.

“I’m going to call her,” Steve says calmly, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend and pulling him in tight while Bucky’s body starts to shake with how badly he wants to cry. “I’ll call her and I’ll tell her that you’re not feeling well, but we’ll go to her studio tomorrow for lunch. Okay?”

Bucky takes a deep, shaky breath before nodding, trying his hardest to not blame himself when he imagines the look on your face as Steve tells you they have to cancel. Steve kisses his mate's forehead and then untangles himself so he can get his phone.

It doesn’t take long for you to answer, and Bucky can hear your chipper “Hi Stevie!” and suddenly he wants to cry harder. He also hears Steve telling you that Bucky isn’t feeling well and that they’ll come visit you tomorrow. You go quiet for a moment before asking Steve to pass the phone to your other Alpha. And when Bucky mumbles, “Hey, honey,” he knows you can hear that he’s holding back tears.

“Hi, Alpha,” Your sweet voice immediately fills him with warmth, images of your smile filling his head. “You’re not feeling well?”

“No,” Bucky clears his throat, trying to force himself to not feel bad about it. “I’m really sorry, honey. I promise we’ll make it up to you.”

You pause, and suddenly Bucky is worried that you’re mad. But before his mind can spiral into more negative thoughts, your voice - soft and shy - asks if he’s home. And when he tells you that he is, you simply say “good,” and then hang up.

Well, fuck. Bucky tries to convince himself that you’re not upset, but Steve can see that it’s not working well. And at his boyfriend's suggestion of a nap, he trudges upstairs, lying down in bed and wishing upon every star in the universe that you’ll forgive him.

____________

When you heard that Bucky wasn’t feeling well you immediately thought of the worst. Is he sick? Well, that doesn’t make sense, he’s a super soldier after all. Is he hurt? That’s a possibility, their jobs are tough.

Does he… not want to see you? As soon as that thought crosses your mind, you dismiss it. Bucky and Steve have shown over and over that they like you and want to be with you. The word ‘love’ flashes through your mind but you dismiss that as well. It’s too soon, right?

No matter what’s actually going on, you know you need to make him feel better. As soon as you hung up the phone you gathered everything you needed to make apple pies. But then you faltered, what if he doesn’t like apple pie? Well, you have things to make brownies, and you know both Alphas love them. So you took out everything needed to make brownies with the intention of bringing them over when they were done.

But then a thought popped up. Would they even want you in their house? There were a few times when you told them they could come inside your apartment while you finished getting ready for a date night, but they politely declined. You hadn’t thought much of it at the time, but now you’re worried you might be crossing a line.

You’ve just put the mixture in the oven when you decide that you’ll just drop them off and then leave. You don’t want to make them uncomfortable, especially since Bucky isn’t feeling well. While the brownies cook, you run to your bedroom to change into somewhat presentable clothes. You don’t bother getting all dressed up since you’re not going anywhere but your Alphas’ place, and even then you won’t be staying long.

By the time the dessert is done and put into a container, you’ve talked yourself in and out of going several times. Finally, after several minutes of having a mild freak-out, you gather the courage to gather your things and get in your car.

The entire drive has you a little on edge, though you know you have to do it. Not necessarily out of obligation, but because you want to make your Alpha’s happy. They’re always doing little things for you; buying you new plush blankets, getting you food on their way to visit your studio, Steve had even given you a sweater that both he and Bucky regularly wear - fully knowing and hoping you’ll use it for your nest.

Those men make you happier than anyone else ever could, you relish in their praise, your whole body lit up in flames whenever they get all sweet on you - which is all the time, neither man can resist kissing you, hugging you, telling you how you’re the sweetest Omega to ever exist.

They make you happy, and you will do everything you can to make them happy too. You want to be the perfect Omega for them, to show them that you can provide for them too, and that thought is what fuels you to park outside of their house and gather everything.

Your confidence wanes when you get to the front door, anxious again that the Alphas would be upset that you came over. You don’t even get a chance to think about leaving because the door opens wide, and Steve stands there with a smile.

“Honey,” He says, giving you that same longing gaze he always gives you. His eyes travel down to the container you’re holding, his smile growing wider while you cast your eyes down to the floor nervously. “What is that?”

A part of you wants to laugh, you know his heightened sense of smell can already figure it out. You don’t though, you merely shuffle on the porch nervously.

“W-Well I - um… I know Bucky isn’t feeling well, and I wanted to drop off some brownies for you guys.” Your eyes suddenly go wide, a small panicked noise leaving your lips. “Which I just now realized is probably not a good thing for Bucky to eat right now.”

You kind of want to smack your forehead. You were so focused on trying to be helpful that you didn’t even think of what would actually help Bucky feel better. Sensing your growing panic, Steve hums softly, reaching out and taking the dessert from your hands.

“That’s really sweet, honey,” Steve purrs, transferring the container to one hand so he can take your hand in his free one. “Thank you.”

An unexpected squeak leaves your lips, warmth filling your body as you squeeze Steve’s hand and smile up at him shyly.

“Y-You’re welcome, Stevie.” Your voice is soft, nearly indiscernible except for your Alpha with his advanced hearing. “Um, just… I guess you can text me later and tell me how they taste?” It’s phrased as an uncertain question because you don’t want to make him feel like he has to, but you desperately hope he does. You need their praise more than air.

“You’re not staying?”

That question has your head snapping up so you can look at him directly, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you take in his equally confused gaze.

“I - um. I guess I just thought you wouldn’t want me to. I mean, you never want to come in my house, so I just figured you wouldn’t want me in yours.” Your voice comes out shakier than you’d like, and the hope that he’d invite you in is creeping up. “Which is fine! You - you don’t have to, and I don’t want to make you guys uncomfortable, especially since Bucky isn’t feeling well.”

Steve sighs, his scent souring a little as though he’s disappointed, and now you’re anxious over possibly saying something wrong. But when he senses your growing panic, he tugs on your hand until you follow him inside. And immediately, the aroma of both Bucky and Steve’s scent calms you down.

“Of course we want you here, sweet Omega.” Steve smiles at you again, pulling you further into the house until you get to the kitchen not far from the entryway. He drops your hand so he can place the food on the counter. The Alpha quickly moves toward you, wrapping you in his arms and pulling you into his chest. Plush, soft lips land on the top of your head, and they linger there for a few moments.

As though he sensed your arrival, Bucky comes rushing into the kitchen with a wide smile.

“Omega,” He says, walking toward you and Steve with purpose so he can wrap around you too.

“Our sweet girl brought us some brownies since you aren’t feeling well.” You can hear the smile in Steve’s voice, and they both release their hold on you so you can turn around and face Bucky.

Bucky goes silent, and when you place your hands on his chest you can feel how his heart rate picks up. And after a few moments of simply staring into your eyes, his smile softens, his body relaxing.

“Oh, honey,” Bucky sighs wistfully, falling into your embrace while Steve stands behind you with his arms around your waist and helping you not fall over under Bucky’s hulking frame. You don’t mind though, you’d happily die by being crushed under their weight if it meant you could touch them, and have them touch you. Caressing you, kissing you, adoring you the way only they can. And despite your earlier hesitation, you wouldn’t pass up the chance to brighten up your Alphas’ day for anything. And their grateful kisses and pleased rumbles let you know that you did just that.

“Thank you,” Bucky mumbles into your neck as he presses soft and chaste kisses to the area. “You’re perfect.”

You can’t help the nervous chuckle that passes through your lips, nor can you stop yourself from shaking your head, immediately trying to deny it. While you love praise, specifically theirs, you don’t really feel like you deserve it sometimes. How can these two perfect Alpha’s possibly be interested in you? You’re not too sure why they like you, but you try not to think too hard about it. You don’t want to overthink everything and spiral into self-doubt, which would then lead you to sabotage the relationship, and you absolutely don’t want that.

“I-It’s nothing, really. I just want to make you feel better.” Your voice is small and shy, and you cast your eyes downward when Bucky pulls away from you to look at you with such intensity that it makes your entire body go warm. Your heartbeat speeds up when Steve steps back too and moves so he can stand beside Bucky and look at you directly.

“It’s not nothing, baby,” Steve sighs, reaching out and placing a large hand on the back of your neck and turning your head upwards so he can hold your gaze, and it’s absolutely impossible to suppress the shiver that runs down your spine. Oh, how you want to feel his hands on… other parts of your body.

“It’s thoughtful,” Bucky adds, lightly squeezing your hips. “We mean it; thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” You say softly, smiling at both of them and reaching out to place your hands on each Alpha’s chests. In a quick and bold move, you lean up on your toes to place a gentle kiss on Steve’s lips, then move over to Bucky.

Bucky, however, decides a single peck isn’t enough. Steve keeps his hand on the back of your neck and angles your head so it’s easier for Bucky to slide his tongue along your bottom lip and take advantage of your surprised squeak by slipping his tongue into your mouth. He swallows your little gasps and sighs, snaking his arms around your waist to pull your body flush against his.

The intensity of the kiss comes to a halt when Steve’s stomach rumbles. You and Bucky break apart with breathless chuckles, turning to look at Steve’s sheepish expression.

“Sorry,” He laughs, sliding his hand from your neck to the side of your face, and he smiles wider when you nuzzle and kiss his palm. “We haven’t eaten since this morning.”

“I can cook for you!” You say quickly, surprised with yourself by how fast you were to offer. You’re not the best cook, but depending on what food they have you’re pretty sure you whip up something presentable. Plus, your inner Omega is just aching to please them.

“You don’t need to do that, honey,” Bucky says, stepping back but keeping one hand on your back. “We can just order something.”

“Please?” You ask softly, smiling up at him and using the fact that he can never say no to your pout to your advantage. “I want to.”

Both men sigh, fully knowing that they could never deny you anything you want. So, they both nod, stepping aside so you can go to their fridge.

“You can just make something easy, it doesn’t matter to us.” Steve kisses your forehead, then smiles as he turns to look at Bucky while you go about finding something to cook. Pulling him in close, Steve quickly kisses Bucky’s lips and murmurs, “Told ya she’d understand.”

____________

“Told ya she’d understand.”

Steve chuckles when Bucky playfully shoves his elbow into his Alpha’s stomach. And Steve absolutely cannot stop himself from kissing Bucky again. And one more time. He can’t help it though, Bucky was feeling so awful earlier, and seeing his genuine smile and sparkling eyes fills him with happiness.

“Shut up, punk,” Bucky mumbles with a playful roll of his eyes, wiggling out of Steve’s hold so he can go sit at the kitchen island. Steve follows him, muttering “jerk” low under his breath as he sits next to Bucky.

The two men sit side by side, both with love-stricken gazes and twinkling eyes as they watch you flit around the kitchen happily, grabbing things here and there. They aren’t too sure what exactly you’re making, but it starts smelling good in no time. But the underlying scent of happiness coming from all three of you is what really strikes Bucky’s heart.

And in no time at all the food has been finished, and you make sure to pile their plates full of the food.

“I know spaghetti is boring, but I added a few spices so I hope you like it.” Your voice is soft and shy as you present them with their plates, and your rapidly beating heart showcases your nerves. You’re desperately hoping they like it - maybe praise you a bit for taking care of them.

“We’ll love it,” Steve says quickly, getting off the chair and walking up to you with a wide smile. “We’ll love anything you make us, honey.”

The squeak you let out makes both Alphas chuckle, giving you such soft gazes that makes you want to bare your neck to them in submission. With that, Steve and Bucky take their food and guide you to the couch in the living room, being careful as they sit down while Bucky pulls you into his lap.

They take time eating, occasionally feeding you despite your assurances that you already ate before you came over. They don’t care though, because they’ll be damned if they don’t dote on you for making them feel better.

And when the food has been eaten, Bucky gives you a glare when you offer to do dishes. “You’ve worked hard enough, honey,” Bucky tells you, wrapping his arms tighter around you to keep you in place.

It’s at that moment that Bucky realizes that this, the three of you under one roof, on one couch, is what home is for him. With you in his lap and Steve cuddled into his side, he knows that he’s the luckiest guy in the world, how can’t he be? He has his Alpha; the greatest love of his life, and you; the sweetest Omega to ever exist who’s teaching Bucky how to be happy in ways he never thought possible.

He doesn’t even realize he’s crying until you make a slightly distressed sound, your hands coming up to cup his cheek.

“Buck?” Steve coos, bringing up a hand so he can run his finger through his mate’s hair. “What’s wrong?”

Bucky sniffles, shaking his head as he wipes his eyes, then takes hold of one of your hands so he can kiss your knuckles. He smiles, so soft and sweet and innocent, smiling wider when Steve presses a kiss to his cheek.

“It’s stupid,” Bucky says with a quiet huff and shrugs. “I just… Today was shit, like, awful. And I’ve been happy all these years with Steve by my side, but other than right now, the only time I can remember feeling this happy was when I was finally reunited with him.”

Bucky briefly glances over at Steve, giving him that soft and adoring look he always gives him, then looks back at you and holds your gaze.

“You make me happy, Omega.”

Your eyes go wide, a soft gasp escaping your lips. Because, while you don’t know everything about what’s transpired in their lives and relationship, you know that it must be a pretty big deal for him to say this. And it fills you with a feeling dangerously close to love, but you can’t help it. Bucky’s been through the depths of hell and back, and he deserves everything good in the world. And you being able to give him some of that goodness just makes you want to cry.

“You-“ You cut yourself off, clearing your throat to suppress the waver in your voice. “You make me happy too. Both of you.”

“Good, Omega,” Steve purrs, reaching across Bucky to give you a tender kiss.

And when you break away from Steve, you turn to give Bucky a kiss as well, and Bucky? Well, Bucky is pretty sure (re: totally confident) that he loves you. He knows Steve does too, which makes everything easier. Knowing that they’re on the same page about their feelings for you gives him reassurance that maybe this could work out.

He wants to mate with you, he wants to be with you in every way possible. And when you pull away and smile at your Alphas with that sweet and tender way you always do, he thinks that maybe, just maybe, you want that too.

So who can really blame him when Bucky asks, “Will you mate with us?”

From next to him, Steve doesn’t visibly react, though his heartbeat speeding up and the flush creeping up on his face tells Bucky that he wants that too - they’ve also spoken about it in length, so he knows he’s not just speaking for himself.

All the two men can do now is wait for your answer with bated breaths. It comes only a half of a second later.

“Of course.”

m&h masterlist: @the-ginger-fairy-artist / @supernovatardis / @perdidosbucky-yyo / @wckedheart / @kandis-mom / @wandaneedstherapy / @bigcreatorwombatdreamer / @venusfly11 / @buckybarnesmetalarmswife775 / @the-photo-hoe / @matsumama / @fandoms-writings / @thornsnvultures / @sadboiabby / @lily-excal / @alright-i-guesss / @blondie-bluue / @loveforreading / @marvel-wifey-86 / @wheezy-stucky / @exposition-belongs-somewhere / @stuckysbike / @starkblackwolf / @caitlink26 / @dreaming-potato / @lethargicluv / @perfectlyboring / @monicachic13 / @akmenia / @shawnftjacob / @hc-kerr / @iamfandomwasted / @wizardofstories / @emerald-writes / @matchat3a  / @mollygetssherlockcoffee / @normalgirlnextdoor / @lolitsbuckybarnes / @rippedpiece / @biteofcherry

main taglist: @lilyalone / @crazyunsexycool / @goldylions / @yeehawbrothers / @buckyssweetheart

[evvlevie]

I SHIFTED FOR THE FIRST TIME !!!!  (as detailed as a shifting blogger can be but scroll down for the juicy part)

Hi, Hello, my beautiful beautiful readers! It's your favorite blogger Evie again and I don't know where to begin 😭 You've read the title so you know damn well what this post is about, and I am freaking over the moon to say it finally happened!

"So how did you shift?" Is most likely your very first question, and I promise I will answer it, but not without giving you full context on what led up to this magical event (or just scroll down in case only the shifting part concerns you)

so as I mentioned in my last post I had been in this state of not putting any effort into my shifting attempts anymore and basically treating shifting like any other of my manifestations: that it will happen on its own, if I simply want to.

⇣the post in question in case you're interested⇣

"Did it work?", you may be wondering. It did not. It might work for other people, because some points I made in that post still apply to me, but the idea of just counting on it to happen on its own didn't really work in my case. This being said, just because it didn't work for me, doesn't mean it can't work for you, and if you are an advanced manifestor who has complete trust in the law, this mindset might even be yours to apply.

Ever since I posted this, some days went by and my typical shifting-cycle repeated. I didn't shift after being so confident I would, and then the realization hit hard and I became severely demotivated. I even told my shifting bestie I was about to give up and lucky for me she motivated me and gave me back my faith. Speaking of faith: I had been noticing that certain angel numbers kept reoccurring in my life. The numbers being 1237 and 119. These numbers seem random, but 12:37 is the time my niece was born and 11th of September is my birthday. (yes I was born on 9/11, no not in the year that it happened, but two years later which is basically irrelevant information but it's a little fun fact about me.) I always thought the universe was showing me my birthday, up until I googled both of these numbers and realized they both mean something among the lines of "keep faith and trust in the universe". And lucky for you I did.

⇣small fangirl and shout-out-moment ⇣

Then on Monday I had a doctors appointment, and being bored in the waiting room I opened Tumblr. My feed was full of law of assumption content and I actually took the time and read through them all, and I reposted the ones I felt like gave me a lot of insight. Now to the freaking craziest part of all of this. (okay not true but it sure meant the world to me). I wake up in Tuesday and see that THE @astra-nomy reposted my post about the newest shifting tip I had found, and not only that, my comfort-shifter @multiversebaddie not only liked one of my posts, BUT FOLLOWED ME BACK. All in the same night and even right after another. CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT THAT DID TO ME????? I was like no, nope you guys, I can't not shift if my favourite shifting and loa bloggers fucking found out I existed. (APHRODITE FOLLOWS ME I CANT COMPREHEND THAT). Plus @lavender--fairy commented on the post mentioned earlier, and her post that I reblogged, was the one who actually gave me the key to shifting. Hell yes. I mean I knew what I needed to know from other bloggers anyway, but her post actually brought me back to the correct mindset.

✧THE ACTUAL SHIFTING EXPERIENCE AKA THE REASON YOU ARE READING THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE✧

so now it is Wednesday. I never really talked about what DR I am shifting to, and I mentioned it somewhere on an old ass post but to put it as briefly as I can: my DR contains a certain group of YouTubers, and I am shifting so I can be friends with them. Now they post videos on Wednesdays and due to the time difference I get to watch them at 11:30 pm, so basically right before going to bed. I went and grabbed a quick shower and then I laid in bed and started doing what I was always doing: affirming. But due to me being me this quickly turned into overthinking and overcomplicating EVERYTHING which is why I stopped, went back on TikTok to clear my thoughts a little and then returned to my attempt.

✨ THE METHOD ✨

☞ I laid in a position most comfortable to me and I started imagining myself in my DR making myself ready for bed. In my head I reminded myself of the thing that I was able to remember due to @lavender--fairy 's post: The 4D is the real reality, and the 3D is only the translation of your inner thoughts. meaning: if I can visualize it, I am already IN it.

☞ Along with me imagining my DR-me doing what I did, I always reminded myself (affirming if you will) that if I can imagine it, I am in it. I purposely chose the Visualization of me doing things I was already doing in my CR day-to-day because you can feel the moment so much better and ground yourself in that reality way easier than imagining me climbing a mountain since I never did that.

☞ I was making myself aware over and over again, that the imagination is the real reality and that if I can imagine it, I am in it. For as long as I was trying to fall asleep. I even moved and rearranged my position constantly, imagining that I was my DR-me doing the same thing. I really just emerged myself in that visualization and started feeling what ever I did, because essentially that's how manifestation works. You don't need to worry about the 3D, and you don't have to feel like you're lacking something. You imagined it in the 4D, so you already did it silly!

☞ In combination to that I never forced myself to stay focused on my DR. Because as mentioned in this post below, you are supposed to let you mind do its own thing in a way, because you can't shift If you are too aware of what you are trying to do.

✨ THE MOMENT ✨

I found myself in this weird state between falling asleep and still being conscious enough to see and understand what you are envisioning. So I was technically awake while it happened. I didn't visualize my DR anymore, instead my mind went into a completely different direction and I saw myself buying milk with Harry Styles. No I did not even script him into my DR, this was just my brain doing brain things. Nonetheless I was still affirming that if I can see it, I am in it, and suddenly I felt myself getting pulled. I heard a little whooshing sound and I literally zoomed out of my body. I was standing in a dark corridor and I could see an open door in the distance with a little something happening in the room it was leading to but I was too far away to see what was happening. Suddenly the corridor started spinning and I felt myself getting pulled into a whole different door. I gained consciousness in this unknown room, but I couldn't tell where I was, or what I was seeing, because it was just dark in there and my eyes had no chance of adjusting quickly enough. I panicked and before I could even comprehend it, I knew I set the intention to shift back to my CR. I got pulled back into this mysterious corridor and shoved into another door by some weird energy and I opened my eyes back in the CR. I know it wasn't a dream because this whole zooming out, the mysterious energy sending me from door to door and the random dark room felt way too physical for it to be a dream. I could literally feel myself in this corridor as only a "being" of some sort, but definitely not as a human with a physical form. From the many success stories I have read regarding shifting realities, I have noticed that many shifters do not reach their desired reality on their first try. Almost every shifter that has talked about shifting mentioned that their first shift was weird and to a strange, undefined reality. (@multiversebaddie shifted to a random ass classroom for example)

✨ ADVICE TO TAKE AWAY FROM THIS EXPERIENCE ✨

I believe I shifted when I did, because my mind was in this gloomy state between conscious and unconscious, which ultimately made me believe myself on the spot when I told myself the affirmations I mentioned earlier. I did not doubt them and that's probably why the void state is such a powerful state to be in, because even if I wasn't, I imagine it to be very similar to this.

Another thing, that won't hurt you is educating yourself on the law of assumption. I know it helped me a lot and I believe that people who struggle with shifting, would benefit if they understood the way manifestation worked because ultimately manifestation and shifting is the same thing.

If you read everything from top to bottom: I love you. If you are doubting shifting, your ability to do it, or wether or not it is real: I can guarantee you as a first-person-witness: not only is it real, it's something every single dingus out there can achieve! And if I can help you in any way, shape, or form: don't be afraid to ask.

I send a lot of love and a lot of positive vibes to everyone reading this! I had been waiting to do this post ever since I created my blog and I still can't believe that I finally got to do it 😭

Yours in every reality

Evie <3

[hyatoro]

Hwang Minsu Mating V2

Alpha!Reader x Omega!Minsu

This time reader does the penetrating.

It’s the same as my other one where Minsu penetrates but other way around. 

Read Other Version Here (Minsu Penetrates)

It’s one of those nights where he has to work unfortunately. And you explicitly said that you had no plans to visit him that night. He was moping, not that he looked any different to the public eye when he wasn’t by your side. 

He’s super pouty behind his mask and every moment that he’s not dealing with a customer he’s on his phone looking at his pictures of you. Some of them were taken without your knowledge, but you’re not really concerned. You already knew what you were dealing with. 

But his favorite ones are the ones where you took his phone and took a selfie of you two together. It always warms his heart to look at and he gets this dopey smile on his face. Because you liked him!!! You wanted to make memories with him in frame!! The ones with only you have their own charm, untainted by his existence, but he can’t hide how happy the ones with you both make him. 

He gets off his shift at 6am when he exchanges with the morning guy, greeting him politely before hurrying home. Only to see you waiting for him by the exit. 

Minsu stops in his tracks and rubs his eyes to make sure this isn’t some hallucination he manifested by staring at your photos. 

When you smile at how silly he’s being, he rushes you, wrapping his arms around you tight. You return the hug just as hard and every muscle in his body relaxes as he melts into your embrace. 

“W-What are you doing here!? I thought you couldn’t come?” 

“I did. I needed to sleep. And now I’m here.”

!!!! <3 <3 <3 !!!!

Clings onto you for another few minutes before finally allowing the both of you to walk again. He looks tired so you invite him to your place since it’s closer than his. Of course he accepts whole-heartedly. 

He accepts the shower you offer, indulging in all your stuff. When he’s done he’s all sparkly like a new man. Degreased. 

You let him sleep in your bed while you do chores, and he gets a solid 6 hours of sleep before waking up, his body only taking what’s necessary before waking up to spend time with you. By then it’s lunch time and his groggy ass gets up to snuggle up wherever you are. You happened to be making lunch so you give him a kiss on his head when he nuzzles into the crook of your neck. He makes this goofy ass sound when he goes heh heh as you do so. 

Y’all eat lunch and get to cuddling on your couch when you’re snuggled up to his neck this time. After a few more whiffs you realize that his heat is approaching. You tell him as much. 

“A-Ah… Is it? I- Um… Is that a problem for you? I can go put on a patch or leave-” he rambles, unwilling to leave your side but not wanting to be a burden on you. Which you quickly fix by kissing him and telling him to shut up. He listens. 

You say, “It’s not necessarily a problem, but I wanted to ask if you wanted to spend it with me?” And you’re nuzzling your nose into his scent glands. He could not refuse you even if he wanted to. So what makes you think he would as is? 

“Yes!” He shouts before you change your mind, stretching his neck out further as he gets breathy, baring himself to you. “Yes yes yes, I want to spend my h-heat with you…” 

If he could manually start his heat right fucking now he would. 

You chuckle before kissing his neck and whispering your words into his skin. “Then it’s a plan.”

He is squirming in your lap and you can literally smell his arousal. He can’t hide his neediness and is actively rubbing up against you, but the tiniest bit of shame he has left has him hiding his face behind his hands. 

With him so sweet and pretty in your arms how could you not pamper him? And since he’s so eager you might as well ask, “Hey, Minsu. I’ve got another thing to ask you.”

“Whatever it is, the answer is yes.” Zero hesitation. 

Your teeth grazes his skin, right where mates mark each other, and he almost creams his pants right then and there. His body twitches as he whimpers and whines even though you’ve barely done anything. 

“Can I claim you, sweetheart?” you whisper the golden words into his ear.

The man hops off and starts ripping his clothes off as fast as possible, terrified that you might be joking or change your mind. “I said the answer is yes!” 

You’re stunned but also admiring him and his tenacity when he suddenly starts stripping you too. “Whoa! Easy there, sweetheart. Let’s take this to the bed.” Your amusement and confidence has him folding and begging you to move faster. He is physically shoving you towards the bedroom, but it’s super ineffective cause he is so fucking weak. Your mind tells you to get some meat on his bones later. 

You’re excited too so you hurry to your bedroom, and as hot as you are in your rumpled clothing from his failed attempt to strip you, he is back to trying to take your clothes off. 

At this point you understand why he’s rushing you but ease his worries with some kisses and words of reassurement. “This is an important moment, Minsu. I’m not going to rush it. I promise I’m not going to change my mind and back out or anything. If you want to-”

“Absolutely not!”

You stifle a laugh. “I was going to say it would be fine if you changed your mind halfway through, but it seems I don’t have to worry about that.”

He whines as he bares himself to you, urging you to hurry up, though the franticness of it has subsided, the assurance working. It was just plain old impatience now. 

You finally, finally, remove your clothes and he is mesmerized the entire time. He’s seen glimpses before, through the gap in your curtains when you’ve changed, but this? This was entirely different. He looks at you with awe and lust, barely holding back from lunging at you for a taste since you told him to lay back. 

Then you crawl over him and cage him between your arms, a devilish grin on your face. The poor boy is so ridiculously wet it’s kind of insane to think about. 

His legs wrap around you, grinding up into your hips as his arms cling to you, begging for more touch. You yield to his desires, devouring him just as expected. It’s only been heavy petting and he’s already a mess. 

You take his hand and kiss his wrist, taking in his sweet scent, letting his arousal mix with yours as you nip at the skin there. Minsu is so whiny and it shows. 

When you line yourself up with him you look at his face and he is so fucking horny he’s shaking, his head vigorously nodding yes. As you sink into him he cries out, hands grasping at you in any capacity as his eyes slam shut. The visual stimulus is too much, but when he can’t see all he can think about is how you feel and that doesn’t help either. 

He’s begging you. He doesn’t say what he’s begging for though. It’s just a long string of “please please please please please fuck please…” Is he asking for you to hold on and wait or is he asking that you move? Yes. He can’t fucking decide so you do it for him and raise your hips up and slam back down. 

His head flies back and he lets out a string of curses.

Then you grab him by the chin, thumb pushing his mouth open and press against his tongue. He moans and licks it obediently. When you tell him to open his eyes however he’s hesitant to do so, and when he does, he stares at your face. 

“Are you going to waste my time and not even pay attention to the show I’m giving you? After all that effort you put in trying to see me naked?” 

Every single fucking thing you’ve said and done has him hanging by a fucking thread and when eyes finally trail down to see where you’re connected he disobeys your orders and shuts his eyes back closed, grunts and whines as he does so. 

“Oh~ I see how it is. You’re not going to be good for me? Y’know, bad boys don’t get marked, Minsu~ I thought you wanted to be claimed?” your honeyed voice teasing him. 

He’s crying. He is legit crying. “Nononononooo. Pleasepleaseplease I’ll be good. I just- I can’t- I want it to last- Fuck-” his eyes try to open. He sees your pretty face in a mock pout. He sees how your cock disappears into him. And his eyes shut again, tears falling from his eyes. “I-I-I’m sorry! I want to be good! I- FUCK-”

And you feel him convulse around you. His cries are so hot as his body tenses. His own cock spilling cum onto his stomach. It takes a while for him to come down from his high.

He’s hiding his face as he sobs, apologizing and begging for another chance. That he’ll do better and that you should please fucking claim him. Please for the love of god claim him. 

You have never been so fucking horny in your life. You wipe away his tears after moving his hands and give him reassuring kisses. “Of course I’m going to claim you. I promised you, didn’t I? It’s okay, honey. Just take some deep breaths and calm down.” 

He’s nodding, suppressing his hiccups as he listens. When he’s gotten to a point where he’s calm again you start thrusting into him slowly again. His own soft cock doesn’t stay that way for long, considering he’s insatiable when it comes to you. 

It all builds up again, but this time he’s not constantly on the brink of cumming too soon. It’s still close though. 

When you start kissing his neck, leaving a line of hickies for him to find later, he is back to grasping at your back, neck outstretched as much as it can. You take the moment to bask in how delicious his scent is right then, before you mark him as yours. 

With one last look on his face for any doubt, of which you find none, you finally go for the kill, biting and breaking his skin where every mated couple has done so in all of history. 

If you thought the moans from when he came too soon were wanton, then this was downright scandalous. 

The primal aspect of it has you going feral as you come alongside him this time, biting down even harder, barely keeping in mind to not actually hurt him. 

When you two relax you’re lapping at the blood on his neck and he’s just this shivery mess of limbs. His mind is so fucking clouded and if his body were in better condition he’d be begging to do it all over again. 

Once he’s no longer bleeding you kiss the mark before kissing him. The taste of his blood on your lips really makes the act feel real, his tongue lazily prodding yours until you flop over next to him. 

His breath and voice are still shaky as he thanks you profusely. You wipe the two of you down with some towels and he thanks you again. When you lay back down his shivering body then curls up into your arms as you pull the blanket up over you two. 

His thoughts aren’t even words anymore. They’re just hearts. Just a bunch of <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 with you in mind.  ❤️  ╰(⸝⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝⸝)╯  ❤️

[4am-enha]

Return home.

description/tags: y/n moved away a few years go, but now she’s back temporarily and she’s ready give this school one last chance after her traumatic past. at least, she thought she was.

lengthy one shot, enhypen niki, high school bully, tsundere, timid reader stops giving a f, tiny angst/heaviness, confession, fluff, she/her pronouns used, protective, self insert (y/n), fast paced, enemies to..??

pairing: student bully tsundere? niki x victim student reader (fem)

warnings: strong language, bullying, teasing, a little angsty at some point?, a LOT of dialogue toward the end like A LOT, v fast paced because i wanted to keep it as a one shot not a full fic, cliffhanger!

wc ≈ 5k

note: sorry if this is kinda lame cheesy or cringe, i didn’t want to over step while writing about niki. also if you get confused- honestly me too. just ignore any mistakes 🙏🏻. i hope it’s okay~!!

Preview begins here!

You were quite aware of the possibility that you may draw a bit of attention today from people that might actually remember you, because in all actuality you had shown up out of nowhere completely unannounced after your sudden disappearance a while ago. But that’s if anyone really cared to take any note of your existence; it’s not like they ever had done before.

As long as that damned Nishimura kid wasn’t around- you’d be okay.

Preview ends here! Read more below

The overpowering smell of wet dirt where you can’t really figure out if you kind of like it or absolutely hate it. The uncomfortable feeling of your school uniform being all tight and stuck to you, itching here and there because of the humidity after a long week of constant heavy rain. The puddles that make sure to get your shoes soaked and grimy, seeping a little dampness into your socks somehow for the rest of the day and not forgetting to leave muddy, watery footprints and squeaky noises everywhere you go in the building. The urge to just go home, shower, and change into comfy clothes. Yeah, you were back alright.

It had been a few years since you were not only last seen in this country and this all too familiar area, but also this lame ass school. To your surprise, the school had unfortunately not crumbled to the ground yet. Although you really wish it had- especially at this very moment. You thought maybe if you manifest it and walk slow enough, it might just collapse. But of course, it didn’t.

All you could hear right now were chants, yells, and whining coming from every direction. Near and far, students were causing usual havoc while waiting for the bell to command them to class. Years ago it would have made you sick to the stomach with anxiety, but right now you were just so fed up about having to be here again you couldn’t care less about anyone around you. Who knew it was this easy to ignore when you’re caught up in your own head. And in all honesty, it was no shocker to probably absolutely anybody, but especially not to you, to see that the students of this school were still something like hell spawn. How nice it is to see the students still terrorising the teachers to the point they cry and leave even after all this time.

Home sweet home.

You were quite aware of the possibility that you may draw a bit of attention today from people that might actually remember you, because in all actuality you had shown up out of nowhere completely unannounced after your sudden disappearance a while ago. But that’s if anyone really cared to take any note of your existence; it’s not like they ever had done before.

Fortunately, you were a little older now, used to this whole high school shit, and you could actually tolerate the majority of kids here. You had become skilled at just ignoring things until they went away. Besides, it’s not like you’d be here for that long.

Just as long as that damned Nishimura kid wasn’t around- you’d be okay.

Hold on, let’s rewind a little.

A few years ago, you were told for the first time in your life that you’d not only be moving house, but moving to an entirely different country away from the one you had spent your whole childhood in growing up. You were only about a year into your high school life when the news dropped.

You knew your fathers job required your family to move around often- but you had gotten lucky and had ended up never actually having to move around until now. But you weren’t sad for long. In fact, you were delighted to get away from this place. Why? Because recently, it was making you so miserable.

As soon as high school began, your whole life changed. You had faced some major teasing from time to time- always being kind of a loner, but for most of your first year of high school, you were bullied hard. You were teased and treated like some stupid baby, your things got taken and thrown, sometimes you’d be “ding-dong-ditched”, and for months the insults and comments never ended. It got to the point you had begged and pleaded for your parents to transfer you to a different school. Though now they didn’t need to, because you were moving across the globe.

You soon started your new life in a new school, new country, with new people- and it was going amazing. Suddenly, you had a ton of friends, and people actually wanted to be around you. It was such a change from what you had faced in your home country, and it felt like luxury. But you couldn’t make too many friends or really get too close to anyone, because ever since you moved the first time, it seemed like suddenly your family just had to keep moving every year or so.

You looked at the bright side though, you travelled often, got cool life experiences, and you had the rare opportunity to constantly start fresh again at each new school you started. As long as you weren’t going to that fucking school back home it was fine. You’d most likely never have to go there again, right?

But that didn’t work out so well.

Because just a few weeks ago, you were told you were temporarily moving back home, and that while you were there you’d have to attend that cursed old school again. For a while, you were so angry about it, and to be honest- you still are today. But you were relieved because you had been recently informed that the usual group of kids that used to bully you were all gone now. All except two. One of them being Nishimura Niki, famous for making your life hell since middle school.

Niki wasn’t the worst of the batch, but he was definitely the most irritating. He was always the one that would tease you like a little kid, always taking your stuff and calling you names just to get a reaction out of you. You never understood what you had ever done to him- or anybody for that matter, but you never tried to find out either. You had just let it happen. The others had always just been mean because they bullied everyone ‘below’ them, but Niki only seemed to just pick on you. God knows why he chose to target you, but it was damn tiring.

So now here you are.

Standing outside the school you thought you’d never have to see again.

Waiting to begin your, as you would call it, “jail sentence”.

The bell finally echoed throughout the rusty buildings and everyone swarmed toward the doors. Some heading straight to class, and others finding a great hiding spot to skip classes for the day. You kept your head down, not risking drawing any attention until you got into the classroom.

The teacher greeted you warmly. It was a new teacher, one that must have begun working here during the time you were living your best life elsewhere. You took a seat close to the window and finally had the guts to lift your head and look around.

You let out a heavy sigh of relief as you scanned around with your eyes and realised nobody in here knew who you were. You sat up and dropped your shoulders from their incredibly tense position and smiled to yourself. Maybe things really had changed and you could pretend like you’d never been here before. You were good at starting fresh, since you’d been doing it for the past couple years now.

The class shortly began and you feel yourself slowly relaxing as you realise you’ve already read the book they’re discussing today, so you already know all the answers to any possible questions that would be asked of you. Thankfully, the classroom is peaceful and light. The other students aren’t causing much trouble since it’s the first class of the day and everyone’s half asleep still. That’s until abruptly, the classroom door swings open and someone tumbles in loudly. A young boy, who kind of looks famili-

“Mr. Nishimura. You’re late, as always.”

Your heart drops to your ass at the sound of his name and you swiftly duck down, pretending like you’re taking something out of the bag beside your chair. Peeking slightly at him, but not enough for him to be able to see your face.

“Got stuck in traffic” he shrugs.

“You’re not old enough to drive,” the teacher's tone was clearly plastered in annoyance, not believing any words that could possibly come from his sarcastic mouth.

“My parents drove me, duh.”

“Everyone knows you live just across the road from the school, Niki,” the teacher sighs and the class giggles quietly amongst themselves, “I will let it slide that you’re late again as it's not quite been five minutes yet, but don’t you lie to me again young man.”

Niki just shrugged it off like before and began to walk toward his assigned seat near the front of the classroom, thankfully way out of the vision field of where you were currently sitting. Hesitantly, you eventually made your way back up to sitting normally again, but you could definitely say goodbye to your little relaxation sesh. This ‘stress free’ class suddenly just became the hardest one of your entire day and a close cause of fatal cardiac arrest.

Why the actual hell was HE here? It was as if it was a sick joke. It just had to be the class you were in. Even though it was technically his class before yours, the coincidence was uncanny. You needed to switch out fast. A visit to the school counsellors office certainly wasn’t on your agenda today, but now it was crucial. There was no way you could spend another day in this classroom; barely another minute.

You spent the rest of the entire class dodging whenever Niki would turn slightly or talk to someone behind him. Somehow, you had made it to the end of the class without him noticing you there. Everyone got up as the bell chimed and rushed toward the classroom exit, but you hovered behind just a few seconds to make sure you were way behind Niki. And you nearly made it, but just before you could leave you heard your teacher call out to you.

“Y/n! You almost forgot these papers.”

You felt like slamming your head into a wall. So much for avoiding any attention. You made your way back toward the teacher and took the papers, looking behind you a few times to see if Niki had heard it, but he was already out of sight. You’d gotten away with it on a call way too close for comfort.

“Make sure they get signed by the end of the week~!” the teacher reminded you cheerfully.

“Will do, thanks,” you nodded and headed out.

You took a few steps forward away from the classroom when Nishimura Niki swung himself in front of you. He must have heard your name, and even worse, he had waited for you.

“Is that really you? y/n?”

For a moment you panicked, feeling your ears heat up and eyes widen with fear. But then you collected yourself. There was no way you would let this little bastard get in your way again. You decided just to brush him off by going around him and keep on walking. Though he really wasn’t so little anymore. In fact, he was really really fucking tall and he looked more intimidating than he had ever been.

“It is, isn't it? I can’t believe it y/n. It was a bit rude that I didn’t even get a jump scare warning, but wow, you really still exist?” his words trailed behind you, following you.

“No, obviously I don’t,” you muttered, words dripping with sarcasm. You weren’t supposed to be responding, but you honestly couldn’t resist it.

“You still think you’re smart huh? I’d say that’s pretty dumb of you y/n” he scoffed.

“Sounds like you’re projecting,” you replied back.

Niki was quiet for just a second. You had completely changed since the last time he had remembered you. You still looked the same in his eyes, but your personality had taken a full turn. Usually, you’d be yelling at him to go away by now, or hiding from him. He still remembered the time he had snatched your cute little wrist watch from you for just a few minutes and the way your lips trembled as you tried to hold back your tears pleading that he give it back. He had felt bad for a minute back then, but only then. And you’d never know about it. But where did this new confidence come from? And why was it kind of attractive? Niki shook his head, racing in front of you again to face you.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

You sighed and involuntarily rolled your eyes slightly, not surprised he was doing something like this. It was very Niki coded to stand in front of someone’s way annoying them when he wasn’t being paid enough attention. One thing you now realised was how stupid it was that you used to react so much to him and his lame shots at you. Because right now, this was pathetic and more than just a little cringe.

“You know American high school movies aren't great tutorials on how to be a bully right? Unless of course you’re intentionally trying to be a walking ick, otherwise you’re doing a great job.”

“What does that even mean?”

You giggled at your own joke and shrugged at him, taking a sharp turn closer towards your next class. As expected, he continued to get in your way.

“Stop with that annoying fucking giggle. And I’m not finished talking to you yet,” he snapped.

“It’s a good thing I wasn’t listening anyway then. Move Nishimura.”

“You still remember my name?” Niki’s eyes widened, stuttering for a split second and his stance softening up a little.

“Nope.”

“But you just said it-”

You shrugged again and entered your classroom, taking a deep breath of relief as the door shut behind you- leaving Niki out in the hallway confused as ever. Maybe it wasn’t going to be that bad after all, but you knew he wouldn’t stop there.

“You wanna play this again, then we can play Nishimura,” you thought to yourself.

—-

Niki couldn’t stop thinking about what had just happened, and how you had even ended up back here years later out of nowhere. Why didn’t he know? It was bad enough that you had up and left without a goodbye (not that he deserved one), but to show up again? And to just keep brushing him off like he wasn’t even there? It majorly pissed him off.

‘Move Nishimura.’

Besides his teachers, you had been (and supposedly still were) the only one to ever call him that. He had never understood why you barely ever just called him by his first name. You always called him Nishimura when he had pissed you off, and it only made him want to annoy you more just to hear it again. It sounded so different from you and it made you stand out from everyone else he knew; he hated it. God he hated it so much.

Niki replayed the image in his head of you ducking and hiding from him earlier when he had first got to class. It took everything in him not to act like he’d just seen a ghost when he recognized your presence. Yes, he had seen it all. You in fact had not gotten away with it after all. Seriously you were so stupid for thinking that was going to work, anybody would have noticed a whole new ass student in the classroom. He had just played along with it because it was funny to watch you desperately try to avoid his gaze and almost get whiplash pretending you were looking elsewhere. Did he really have that sort of effect on you? Perhaps you weren’t as composed as you tried to act in front of him anyway, it made him chuckle lightly thinking about it.

“Whatcha thinkin ‘bout?” The girl beside Niki interrupted his thoughts. It was one of his ‘friends’, who secretly Niki didn’t like at all but stuck around her to stay on her good side. She was another one of y/n’s notorious bullies. The other one out of the two still attending this school, and possibly the worst one. She scared everyone, including Niki sometimes. She basically ruled the whole school somehow.

“Your mother,” Niki grumbled at her, earning a hard shove.

“Whatever man, stop dozing off. I need someone to talk to. I'm bored as hell,” the infamous companion complained.

—-

You were right about Niki not stopping there, but fucking hell he was giving it his everything.

It was sort of admirable that he was dedicating that much effort and time to you, if it wasn’t for the fact he just wanted to annoy the shit out of you and attempt to ruin your day.

After the boy had found out you were back, he didn’t waste a second teasing you. He had stolen your phone a few times, turned your backpack inside out when you left it unattended, mocked your hair a few times for it being in bunches, copied your homework, and constantly hovered around and nagged you as if nobody else was allowed around you. Oh and god forbid that you ignored him, because then he’d do anything he could to get you to look at him or speak up, even if he actually ended up making a fool of himself instead of you in the end.

Really, nothing had changed about him. Well at least not his personality. He was definitely way taller now and his face had matured a lot, which was ironic for how immature he still was. Admittedly, he had glowed up, but one little haircut and he’d have nothing for sure. You couldn’t inflate his ego now, because then he truly would be insufferable.

A week went by and you were actually completely drained and on your last little bit of dying tolerance. Thank god you only had one class together each day, because you got to escape the torment while class was on going for the rest of the day disregarding the morning and the walking periods in between each one.

Niki must have gotten held behind somewhere or something this afternoon, because he had not appeared for the past couple of passing periods like he had been consistently. Somehow it actually felt kind of odd, but you savoured this moment while you still could. Unless he had truly given up on you, finally.

But you should have known that was too much of a good thing for you here.

As you were making your way out of your last class of the day and finally ready to head home, you heard a voice you wish you’d never even recognized. It made you freeze in your spot.

“Well look who it is! Y/n, isn’t it a pleasure to see your face again?”

“Lila.”

The one girl who had the entire school practically wrapped around her little finger. The one who had traumatised you the most. Sure you could act nonchalant in front of Niki, but Lila was violent, and in this situation it would have been such a relief to be picked on by Niki instead. When you were told that only two of “the usual” remained at this school, you had never even thought that Lila may have still been here. You assumed you would’ve been informed if she was. How had you gone a whole week without knowing she was here?

“Why didn’t you come and say hello? Didn’t you miss me?” She snarked, getting in your face. People began to glance over. You tried to ignore it and walk away, but Lila yanked a part of your hair and pulled you closer so she could threaten you in a whisper.

“What gave you the stupid stupid fucking nerve to come back?”

“Get off of me you obsessed bitch” you spat.

Niki came running up, out of breath and stopping a distance behind Lila watching with wide eyes at what was happening. He had been running across half the school campus to catch up with you before you went home, but not like this.

Lila let go of your hair but stomped hard on your foot and kept her foot there with a significant amount of pressure, causing a small whine of pain to escape you. She looked behind her, noticing Niki and lifted her foot from you but held onto your sleeve.

“Did you know she was here?” Lila questioned him.

Niki said nothing. You shouldn’t have expected him to, but a small part of you wished he would have done at least something, anything at all.

“Ahh, you must be surprised as well, right? She showed up without a word, can you believe that? How unfair,” Lila dragged on with a sigh.

You looked at Niki for a moment. He just stared at you with an uncomfortable expression. Clearly not wanting to be a part of what was happening right now.

Honestly, he felt hopeless. Even he didn’t agree with this. He had tried to avoid the possibility of Lila coming across you soon, always leading Lila away from your usual route this week, but obviously he was way too late today. He felt paralyzed in horror of it unravelling right in front of his eyes and seeing tears well up in your own eyes that you kept trying to hold back. It hurt him.

“At least now we can all hang out again like we used to, right Niki?” Lila flashed a painfully obvious fake smile. By “hang out” she meant physically terrorising you everyday for showing your face or even breathing in the same place as her, and everyone knew it. This school had a sick case of bystander effect though, so you couldn’t expect any help from anyone except yourself.

You shook her off of you aggressively and walked away with a fast angry pace, too many pairs of eyes watching you closely. You tried incredibly hard to stay collected but this whole moment had brought up a bit too much of the past for you and it hurt, badly. You were so embarrassed, and now your one shot of giving this shitty cursed school one more fucking chance was over.

Lila raised her eyebrows with a smug grin, acting as if she was surprised you had stormed off like that. Suddenly, Niki was beside her, grabbing her shoulder real tight, almost digging his fingernails into her.

“Jesus, what’s with the damn grip asshole?” She complained.

“You’re crossing a line that isn’t yours.”

“What? Don’t act like you don’t do the same shit,” Lila turned to Niki in which she was met with a heavy glare.

“Nobody picks on her unless it’s me,” he looked Lila up and down, “you nasty whore,” Niki added before rushing after you, calling out to you.

“Y/N hold up!” He yelled breathlessly. He did not expect to be doing this much running today. Why was the school this big by the way?

As he got closer, you dropped your bag to the ground rather dramatically and turned to face him with the meanest look you had ever produced in your life. It made him take a few steps back.

You let out an angry yell, taking it all out on him, “you know what Nishimura, let’s just fucking fight.”

Niki bit down hard on his bottom lip to stop himself from smiling a little. He really could not help it. The way you looked right now with your fragile soft fists up at him, the stupid sound of his last name coming from your mouth. It was like a test from the universe to not crack in front of you.

“Y/n…” he began softly.

People started crowding around you two now, drawing a lot of attention. They suddenly began to chant “fight” over and over, encouraging it. Niki looked around. So quickly, so many people were gathered waiting for it. He looked back at you with darting eyes and let out a sigh.

Then he approached you closely, in which you flinched and closed your eyes- anticipating it. Hell, you didn’t know how to fight physically. You had just acted impulsively and started something you definitely could not finish.

But Niki just grabbed your wrist softly. You were confused and started struggling as you realised he was grabbing you instead of fighting, “what the fuck?” you exclaimed as you looked at him, not understanding.

He ignored you and tightened his grip carefully and dragged you out of that ring of people who soon became disappointed at the absence of a real fight until eventually you two were isolated away from all the chaos.

It was awkward as you both sat engulfed in suffocating silence. Niki was simply waiting for you to calm down, whereas you were trying to figure out and just process what had just happened.

“Hey,” Niki broke the silence, finally.

You didn’t respond, but looked at him to show that you were listening. This was so out of character for him. You never knew you were capable of feeling this much confusion before now. This school really was cursed.

“You know I’d never really hurt you right?”

Your eyes scanned him with confusion, and your ears became hot with embarrassment. Why did you suddenly feel so shy now?

Niki didn’t wait for a response. He had already started, so he decided to just spill whatever was on his mind before he started regretting it. If it wasn’t now, it’d probably be never. He sighed and got closer to you, kneeling in front of you and looking up at you ever so softly.

You’d never seen this side of him, this was completely new and you weren’t sure how to feel about it yet alone how to react to it.

“I know this is really sudden, but the truth is y/n I’ve never hated you. I just hated the way you would make me feel. I hated the way I admired you so much. I hate how perfect you are. Yet, all I wanted to do is be around you. I know there were better ways to act, and I’ve probably done a lot of damage to you, but I was so lost and confused on how to deal with everything. I was so scared of my own feelings I ended up avoiding them by pushing you away while wanting to stay close to you the only way I knew how to. I can only hope for your forgiveness,”

“Niki,” you began, but he cut you off. If he stopped to think about it or let what he was saying sink in, he would probably run away.

“When you suddenly stopped turning up to school a few years ago, I found out that you had moved away and left; My heart shattered. I think that was when I realised how much I really just wanted your attention on me rather than anybody else. Things went too far back then, and I was sure you’d never come back. I tried to forget it, move on like I never cared anyway, but I really missed just seeing your face everyday y/n,” tears began to fall from his eyes and his voice became desperate.

Unintentionally, butterflies erupted in your stomach, suddenly making you extremely nauseous. His words were really genuine and so unexpected. You never thought you’d hear a confession like this from anyone, let alone Nishimura Niki. The kid you thought wanted you to just vanish. You started to feel bad that you had never even known about this hurt you caused him. It wasn’t your fault, but somehow you felt responsible and sorry.

“I never got over it. Every fucking day I felt nothing but guilt. It’s only been a week since you came back, and I think that’s why I’m doing this now. At first I tried to pretend that my old feelings weren’t coming back up, but if I’m being honest with you, I never stopped liking you. Nobody does it like you. I know it sounds pathetic but I really can’t lose you again like that. Fuck, I'm terrified that you'll be around one day and then gone the next just like before. Completely out of my life. I’m done playing my childish games, because this is how I feel. I can’t explain to you the way I felt when I saw you again. I panicked and resorted to what I was just used to since we were in middle school, but god I got so scared when you started to brush me off.”

You felt a dark pink blush flush over your cheeks in which you couldn’t even try hiding as you realised that Nishimura Niki had just admitted that he not only did, but still likes you. And since middle school? The more you saw this vulnerable side of him, the more your eyes opened to just how unique he truly was. But you also felt like hitting him for never opening up to you until now.

“Back there, seeing the hurt you tried to keep back in your eyes, I felt this urging wave of protection splash over me. I froze because the feeling was overwhelming and sudden. I wanted to hold you, to stop the pain I took part in causing, but I knew that was so much easier said than done. I’m afraid of not being able to be someone you need around, but now I want to do my best to prove myself and be that type of person for you.”

Niki cried harder and harder, reaching out to hold your hand as he pleaded. You gently began to run your palm over his head in a way of consoling him. He hunched over your lap, crying out everything. You let him, and you both stayed like that, very still for a while. As he calmed down to a level where you could actually understand what he was saying without choking on his words, he looked up at you again and finally said,

“It feels like the universe has just thrown me another chance. A chance to make it up to you and show you that I can be serious. Please y/n, let me show you a side of me that nobody has seen. It’s all for you, beautiful, only you.”

END.

please note: this is simply a fan written fiction for entertainment purposes only and is not associated with the real enhypen members at all nor should it ever be related to the real version of them. this story is not intended to hate or make anyone look bad. thank you.

an: hey guys! thanks for reading if you made it this far~ i love you all :) this was something new, so excuse the bad dialogue and rushed scenes with niki picking on yn. idk how to be a bully 😭. what are you guys doing? how have you been? omfg did u guys see the tour announcement? i’m on my knees begging and praying i get to go to the seoul date. oh to perceive enha in person RAHHH

[icee133]

This is part 5 of the Marionette Fic. Honestly I truly enjoyed writing this part probably the most so far. It made me laugh. Maybe stupidly so but still. Though there is a bit of a time skip. Some memory flashbacks fill in some of that time. Let me know what you think! Sorry for any writing errors 🤍🤍

If you would like to be added to taglist let me know!

The Marionette

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5🤍

Word count for this part: 1860. Enjoy!👻👻

Synapsis:

A new overlord has manifested in hell seemingly overnight. One that overpowered many if not all of the current overlords in all the right ways. Will this overlord use her powers for good to help the members of the hotel? Will she fall in love with a man and end up in a loving gentle relationship? Or will she get her heart broken and turn against them all, burning each bridge she meticulously made. 

The Marionette is a heart wrenching fic with many turns you won't see coming. Stay tuned for each of the episodes as they are released.

¯⁠\⁠_⁠ʘ⁠‿⁠ʘ⁠_⁠/⁠¯¯⁠\⁠_⁠ʘ⁠‿⁠ʘ⁠_⁠/⁠¯¯⁠\⁠_⁠ʘ⁠‿⁠ʘ⁠_⁠/⁠¯¯⁠\⁠_⁠ʘ⁠‿⁠ʘ⁠_⁠/⁠¯¯⁠\⁠_⁠ʘ⁠‿⁠ʘ⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Now Nette would be lying if she said the thought of speaking with the radio demon didn’t ignite some kind of fight or flight in her chest. After all this is the guy who graciously wiped a few overlords of this plain of existence. However, Nette couldn’t help but also feel intrigued by the man.

Stepping into the kitchen she saw him standing, cane in hand, leaning against the kitchen island. Looking rather annoyed yet calm, despite the unsettling smile planted on his face like a tattoo. “Was there an issue Alastor?” “Of course not my dear, just wanted to meet you formally as I feel we didn’t get to do proper introductions earlier.” He said with a bite behind his smile. “Of course, well I’m called the marionette, but just Nette is fine for the time being.” “I do believe we’ve passed that point of introductions, I mean about yourself” Nette looked at him puzzled before saying “I’m afraid I don’t understand” Alastor's smile grew wider and his eyes glowed a bit more red “I suppose I’ll skip straight to the point then my dear, well I say you seem a bit out of place down here, almost as if you are in the wrong place.” “Perhaps that’s how you may see it, but I could say the same about you. Things aren’t always what they may seem to be.” “That is true, well I do hope we get along during the time you’ll be staying at the hotel little doe.” He said then disappeared into the shadows. Nette took a deep breath before walking slowly back into the main room ready to start discussing what all would be needed to move into the hotel without issue.

🩵🩵 Time Skip 🩵🩵

It had now been a few months since Nette and her 3 boys moved into the hotel. They were given room at the end of the hallway to keep them all together. Each of the boys had decorated their rooms- very excited to have their own rooms- and had unboxed just about everything they had brought with them. Unfortunately due to the circumstances at hand some items had to be left behind, though not without careful consideration (and a lot of bribery) at that. Nette had also set up her room, having the biggest room on the floor definitely came with its pros though. Like a bigger shower in her own room allowing for her to not have to use the giant communal shower -unless she wanted to of course- and make it easier for her to store her products in there as well. 

Each of the boys had formed good relations with the members of the hotel. Despite continuing to bump heads with a certain red-haired overlord they seemed to fit in quite well, and they also started helping Charlie with ideas in the redeeming department. Though asking them might not always have been the best choice as their ideas were sometimes…well a bit over the top. Not to mention sometimes dangerous as well. Nette had settled in as well. Getting closer to Charlie and Vaggie, and going out with Angel and Cherri on occasion (Though it took quite a bit of time, and maybe a few drunken nights of karaoke she’d rather forget) To make any of it happen. Charlie had asked her for help with recruiting new sinners for the hotel and they had managed to drag in a few intricate ones (horny dumbass idiot ones as Kai would call them) who didn’t seem to really know what the hotel was about and thought it was a hookup bar and dropped their pants when they saw Angel. That went over swell (sarcasm) as Charlie covered her eyes and reminded them what the hotel was and had a few of them quickly pull their pants up and run out. On a separate occasion the hotel had thrown a welcome party for new sinners (surprisingly Vaggie’s idea) but that ended on a rather terrible note with some sinners thinking it was an ‘all you can fuck” kind of party once they saw Angel (seriously what was it with these people). Yeah that didn’t go well at all, they thought Nette was a new one of Val’s toys. Haha they almost died. Literally. She was not happy as one of the dumbasses tore her dress. Cue an embarrassing moment as Lucifer himself gave her his coat to cover the tear as Alastor’s weird shadow tentacle things threw the guy out. Ha what a great night. (sarcasm again -_- Though her boys thought it was hilarious as they hadn’t seen her face that red before). Of course Angel wouldn’t let her live that night down at all. She was so flustered at not only Lucifer jumping in to cover her, but also how easily that asshole tore her dress. With her standing there, looking right at him. The fucking nerve. She definitely slapped the shit out of him before Alastor threw him out though. Good memory- well that part at least. Lucifer also took her dress to a tailor for her - I know what a gentleman- and had them fix it as though it never happened. Anyway it’s been an eventful few months - good and bad, but hey it’s a part of life… well afterlife anyway. She felt that she had grown closer to them and truly felt that she could trust them. Each of their relationships taking on new territory. And she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Nette was snapped out of her day dreaming of memories while scrolling through her phone by Angel shouting and snapping in front of her “damn toots been callin ya for awhile now what’s got ya all mushy headed?” “Nothing much just thinking what’s up?” “Charlie wants us to do another trust exercise but I don’t know bout this one” Angel seemed a little weary about what was asked of them. “Why? What is the exercise about?” The look on his face had Nette a bit worried about what he was going to say. “Dirty secrets apparently, admitting things we did to ‘relieve some held up regret’ as Charlie put it” “ah yeah no I’m gonna sit this one out” “nope if I gotta do it you gotta do it too toots so cmon we don’t have all day get in ere” “fine alright geez”. Nette and Angel walked into the parlor area where a small stage had been set up. Looking around Nette saw only her, Charlie, Vaggie, Angel, Cherri, husk, and Lucifer. Wait…Lucifer. Why was he here? Well it was his daughter's hotel. Think rationally Nette duh obviously. Nette snapped her head back to the stage as she heard Charlie begin talking “thank you all for coming today. I wanted to do this exercise with you guys as I feel it’s a good way for us to get a bit closer with one another. I want us to talk about something we've been holding a lot of guilt over, so that maybe speaking it out loud can help us let go of it even if just a little.” “Alright, who wants to go first?” Vaggie said expectantly. Yeah no not me. I’m not saying shit. Negative uh uh. No ma’am. Nette thought to herself. Dirty secrets my ass this is straight up admitting something we did that we thought was bad, is this a roundabout way of asking us what our sin was that caused us to end up down here? “Nette how about you go first” Cherri said snickering. “Haha Cherri no thanks” she quickly declined. “I think that’s a great idea!” Charlie seemed overjoyed at the idea of the overlord participating. Nette couldn’t help but feel pressured. Something she regrets. Well there was a lot she didn’t want to tell them. A lot they shouldn’t know. Things that would possibly ruin the way they saw her. She didn't know what to think. It had been awhile before she had tried to remember anything that brought her guilt. The memories of such things she pushed down as deep as they could go. Placing large walls and barricades around it to hide it from not only those around her but also herself. But the look on Charlie's face, one of hope and happiness drove her to want to free this guilt even if only for a moment. “FINE” she said before walking toward the stage. “Don’t expect any mushy shit” she said walking up the stairs.”Of course not, just something you regret” Charlie was smiling at the overlord. “Something I regret…” she paused thinking to herself. “I regret… honestly I don’t know" “it’s okay to think about it for a bit” Angel said.

 Nette paused thinking to herself, slowly she looked up, unironically making eye contact with Lucifer who held a look on his face she couldn't read, then she quickly looked back down before deciding it’s better to be honest then hold onto it. She felt that she could trust them, and that if anyone was going to be judgemental about this kind of thing she most likely wouldn’t find that person in this group. “maybe…” she paused, taking a deep breath before continuing “thinking so little of a person I cared about, watching them wander aimlessly trying to be what they were told to. Trying to prove themselves to… him. The whole time knowing I had the power to move everything in the right direction. Knowing that I could have helped them if I had only cared- or hell… even tried. If I had only been there when they needed me most I could have done something. But instead I turned away from them. Told them to worry about themselves and not me, that they had no right to even worry about me considering who they were. What they were. Them telling me I was headed in the wrong direction, and me yelling back… telling them I couldn’t do that. Then dying in their arms with their last words being ‘I was right’ definitely sealed the deal. Or I guess sealed my fate is a better way to put it. I think my deepest regret lies in me letting so many…people down. Letting them see me fail at the only thing I was supposed to do. Failing at the one thing I was made for. I don’t think that regret will ever leave me and I’d even go as far as to say I deserve it.” Nette hadn’t realized she closed her eyes completely, or that she had let a few tears fall. In saying it all she hadn’t realized the group moved towards her. Or that Angel and Cherri were hugging her. She tried to take a breath but found it getting caught in her throat. This was something she had held onto for far longer than anyone could imagine. Letting it out felt nice but she knew it wouldn’t make the pain of this regret go away. The heavy feeling that weighed on her heart knowing, remembering, seeing the pain in their faces. The hurt in their voices when all was said and done. Was something she would never forget. Never.

Taglist:

@popamolly @preciousbabypeter

[mystic-blue]

// babes the brain rot is SO real...anyway @leona-draws made this post a little bit ago and i've been thinking about it ever since from @ashwii and their celestial au. enjoy >:3c

The concept of a 'day' in space when you were the manifestation of a celestial body meant very little.

That being said, Leo thought he was just having a bad 'day'. More stars than usual were blinking out of existence, and the ache was near debilitating. He didn't leave the solar system because his brothers were still here, but he did distance himself. Leo hated watching them watch him on bad 'days'. They meant well, wanting to help in any way they could, but none of them really understood exactly what was going on. None of them lost a part of themselves every 'day'.

Maybe it was the pain, or the distance, or the fact that Leo was dwelling on the pity he was trying to avoid - but it took him longer than it should have to realize what was happening.

There was no exact science to it, but sometimes Leo could tell how far a dying star was from him. He hadn't exactly been blocking it out, but he was actively ignoring it in an attempt to lessen the pain. When the next one cried out - their agony a brief, abrupt thing - it finally clicked. They had all been quick, and now Leo could realize, in a linear path.

Something was consuming stars, and it was heading their way.

Which meant it was heading for Raph.

Whirling in the direction of Raph's gravitational pull, Leo pushed himself through the lingering burn of gaseous death toward home. If he moved fast enough, maybe he could head the threat off at the pass. He didn't know exactly what he would do when faced with the unknown threat, but as long as it didn't reach his brothers, it would be fine.

He didn't let himself think about what could happen if he wasn't fast enough.

Leo swung around Saturn's rings as he laid eyes on the culprit. A swirling, writhing black hole was creeping ever closer to where Raph, Donnie, and Mikey were. Amidst the center of the swirling void, glowing yellow eyes peered out, lit with insatiable hunger. Tendrils of the vacuum reached out at the edges, grasping for anything that might cross the black hole's path.

Even from a far, Leo could feel the tug of gravity at his limbs, a threat and a promise.

"Hey!" Leo shouted through the empty volume of space, catching the black hole's attention. "This is private property, ugly. You must have missed the signs."

He had a half formed plan based on the ingrained knowledge that this thing could not be allowed anywhere near Raph. Leo also had no idea why he sounded infinitely more confident than he felt, but he always had been better at putting on show than his brothers.

"Mmm," the black hole hummed, the eyes at the center turning more fully toward Leo - away from Raph. The sickly yellow orbs flit over the glimmering spread of stars at Leo's fingertips before observing his face again. "Perhaps you will sustain me longer than that pitiful Sun."

In any other situation, Leo would have laughed in this thing's face for thinking Raph was anywhere near "pitiful". As it were, he found himself falling back on humor regardless of the knot of anxiety in his gut.

"Wow, I'm flattered," Leo crooned falsely, flipping the tails of his mask over his shoulder dramatically. A shower of stars tumbled off the ends and flickered away a few seconds later.

A daunting grin cracked through the inky blackness, a yawning maw of a vacuum that only strengthened the tug of gravity. Leo felt himself lurch forward and he strained to fight back.

"Hey now," Leo said, his bravado faltering. "Can't I at least get your name first?"

Despite his struggles, a grasping tail of darkness caught around Leo's ankle, tugging him closer. Letting out an instinctive yelp of surprise, Leo jerked forward suddenly with the pull of gravity, only allowing more of the darkness to wrap around him. He struggled, shoving the darkness back where he could, trying to burn it away with whatever power he could summon from nearby stars. It seemed to work for a bit, but the black hole learned his tricks and started to consume the energy first.

Leo's limbs grew sluggish, his attempts at freedom weakening.

"Know this, little pest," the black hole hissed as it drew Leo ever closer to the central maw. "Know that you have been defeated by Kraang, devourer of stars."

Leo opened his mouth to quip back, and found he barely had the strength to breathe. The edges of his vision began to fade out into darkness, or maybe that was the black hole consuming him.

He hated to leave his brothers like this. He wondered if all the stars in the universe would disappear with him. Would he return when a new one was inevitably born, or would a new entity take his place? Would they be better capable of protecting his brothers, protecting the stars?

"Hey, ugly!"

Donnie?

"Get away from my brother!"

Mikey, followed by the telltale icy burn of a comet streaking past Leo and impacting the black hole. It must not have been expecting the attack, because it was stunned for a moment before the comet was consumed.

It was startled long enough for Leo to be pulled free of it's grasp.

Warm hands, nearly burning actually, wrapped around Leo's biceps and yanked him away. One inescapable vector of gravity traded for another, this one warmer and infinitely more comforting.

"Leo?" Raph's frantic voice said above him, as Leo was held close, away from danger. "Leo, are you okay?"

Lethargic and trembling, feeling colder than he could ever remember being, Leo forced his eyes open. Raph's face hovered above him, blazing and familiar and creased with worry lines.

"'M good," Leo mumbled, fumbling to reach up and pat his brother's face.

Wait...was that his hand?

Suddenly far more aware than he had been before, Leo sat up unsteadily in Raph's hold and stared down at his arms. His hands shook as his breath caught in his throat, numb with disbelief. Where his limbs were normally covered in sparkling, shimmering stars, endlessly glittering - was nearly void. A few lone mites of light sparkled weakly near his elbows, and near his knees on his legs. But aside from those, his limbs were stripped bare of brilliance.

"No," Leo whispered, voice strained and cracking with grief. "No, no, no no no no!"

He twisted violently in Raph's arms, trying to pull the tails of his mask around to check them. When he found them only weakly illuminated, Leo feebly tried to lay eyes on his own shell.

"Leo, Leo, hey! What do you need, what is it?"

"They're gone!" Leo all but sobbed, fighting weakly against Raph's hands as his brother tried to steady him. "The stars, my stars, they're gone. What about my shell? I need to make sure they're okay, I need to know what happened!"

"I got you, little brother, hang on," Raph said, his voice low and soothing despite the quiet horror on his face. He turned Leo around, warm hands still burning against Leo's arms. He was quiet longer than Leo would have liked him to be.

"Raph," Leo all but begged into the silence between them. Mikey and Donnie were still holding their own against the Kraang, the sounds of fighting a hollow, distant ringing in Leo's ears.

"There are still some there, Leo," Raph said quietly, his voice unsteady. "But there's definitely less than usual."

Leo couldn't bear to think if that meant his stars out there in the universe had suffered because of him. Were they gone, too? Why couldn't he feel anything besides paralyzing numbness and a bone deep chill he couldn't shake? Had they perished because of his carelessness? Where was the accompanying pain, the physical manifestation of his failure, of never-ending torture?

"Leo!" Raph's voice pulled him back, Leo blinking his brother's blazing face into focus. "We need to get rid of that thing. Can you fight or do you need to sit out?"

"I can fight," Leo rasped, curling his trembling hands into steadier fists. "I have to."

He wouldn't let the Kraang get away with this.

[honeybellexox]

Chapter 4

Important TW - this chapter contains strong self harm ideation.

Fear had settled into Khushi’s chest as she bolted from the room. An angry heat flushed through her body, coloring her golden skin a bright scarlet hue.

Khushi chewed the inside of her cheek as she sluggishly made her way back to the kitchen, mentally cursing herself for losing her composure. He just had a way of getting under her skin.

Khushi spent the rest of the afternoon doing odd chores around the home in an effort to avoid him. For the most part, she had been successful.

However, she had caught glimpses of him, here and there. Every time she had seen him she had felt her breath hitch, worrying that he would finally come over and chastise her for the events of this morning. He didn’t.

In fact, Arnav had maintained a polite distance towards her. It was different. Not quite like how he had ignored her previously, which had been icy and harsh. This felt considerably more respectful, kinder even.

The few times they had come across each other, he had held her gaze. There was a softness there that hadn’t existed before. A pensiveness. Not a single word had left his mouth yet his eyes spoke a thousand. Each second had felt like an eternity and each time, the moment would be broken by a curt nod from him before he carried on with his day, leaving a Khushi in a state of deep wonderment.

Khushi found herself in the kitchen, as she began to prepare the evening tea for family. A task that she delighted in.

She murmurs a little thank you to Devi Maiya under her breath, for the simple reason that Arnav had not yet confronted her for the events of the morning. The flicker of relief quickly became apprehension, it was difficult to let her guard down as she had become intimately aware of Arnav’s volcanic temperament and she didn’t quite trust what the night would bring.

Night.

Khushi froze at the thought, her hand retracted from the teapot handle as her eyes dart towards the kitchen wall clock. 6.30pm. A few hours before nightfall.

Khushi’s mouth begins to dry up.

During the period of Arnav’s departure, Khushi’s fear of the dark had manifested into a fear of the night. The culprit behind this change was non other than Shyam.

Shyam.

Khushi bitterly cursed the man in her mind, his vile actions had exceeded what she thought he was capable off. He had taken full advantage of her husband’s absence.

His regular leering and jeering had turned into frequent visits to her bedroom, unannounced and at random hour and then defiling her husband’s shower. As he had slowly taken claim of her marital bedroom, he also advanced upon Khushi. As if she was another possession in the room. He had become alarmingly comfortable touching her and invading her personal space.

A frightened Khushi had let it slide a couple of times, verbally shutting him down until he had insinuated going a step further, she had finally snapped.

She struck him, hard.

Khushi felt a sense of sickness bubble within her as she examined the now faint sallow fingerprints that marked her wrist. The mark felt sinful.

Shyam had furiously yanked her wrist and twisted after she had raised her hand at him, she could still remember how his face had contorted into something that could only be described as demonic. Ugly, rageful and twisted, his spindly fingers had clutched her wrist so tightly she had feared it would break.

His dark promise was still etched in her mind.

“Don’t misunderstand my love for weakness, Khushiji. I have been far too lenient with you, next time I won’t be so kind next time.’’ She had winced as he gave her wrist a harsh twist “Understood?”

Now, Khushi was left with an ugly bruise on her wrist as a reminder, lest she forget. The more she stared at it the more her repulsion grew and so did the desire to rip it or burn it off.

Burn it …

Her eyes flit to the delicate floral teapot that sat prettily on the tray, almost mockingly.

The hot steam that oozed out from the teapot, tantalized her. Her hands reach out to it …what if -

“Khushi bitiya! Come quickly! Look what chote brought back!” Nani called out from the main hall.

Khushi blinked, as horror and shame overcame her. She quickly placed the teacups on the tray and made her way to where the family had gathered around.

The entire Raizada clan had gathered around the main hall, eagerly awaiting their presents that Arnav had brought back from his trip.

He had gotten something for everyone, everyone except Shyam.

Arnav had looked around his bag briefly, and then pointedly announced that he had no idea where Shyam’s present had disappeared. Khushi secretly felt a sense of giddiness, this must be one of Devi Maiya’s punishments!

Anjali shoots Shyam a disheartened look, but Shyam was quick to placate her, saying the best present was to have his Saale-Saab back, alive and well.

Arnav narrowed his eyes at Shyam. There was an angry buzz of energy in the air. Stifling and uncomfortable.

‘‘Don’t worry, Jijaji, I’ll make sure you get your present.” Arnav promised through gritted teeth. Khushi couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow, she felt unease at the tone of voice. Was she imagining this tension or had it always existed?

Khushi discreetly takes in all the faces around the room, the Raizada’s were all merry and smiling, seemingly oblivious to the exchange between the two men. Were they blind or was it Khushi? The last face Khushi fell on was her sister, Payal’s.

Payal returned the look, she had noticed it too. An unspoken question lingered before the two for a brief moment.

Anjali breaks the tension.

‘‘Chote, you forgot someone else!” Her voice was full of mirth and sounded like twinkling bell chimes.

Arnav raises an eyebrow at his sister, a quizzical look in hie eyes. Anjali offers him nothing but a cheeky grin.

Nani sighs, shaking her head in amusement.

‘‘Chote, you forgot your wife!’’

‘‘I didn’t forget, Nani, Khushi will be receiving her present in private’’ Arnav replies, his gaze was solely on Khushi now, who had started to redden. Anjali playfully nudges her, finding delight in her brother’s rather bold declaration.

Shyam, however, had tightly clenched his fists.

Khushi doubted he was being honest about a present, not that she cared much for one.

After everyone had dispersed, Payal latched on to her younger sister. Guiding her to a secluded cubby area that they had discovered in their few months of living within Raizada mansion. It was rather odd reflecting on it, despite being such a large house there was never a sense of true privacy. There was a sense of something omnipresent in the air, a feeling of being watched. Both Gupta sister’s had felt it and had still not fully adjusted to it.

‘‘Jiji, is everything okay?’’ Khushi asked, suddenly concerned.

“I wanted to ask about Arnavji … is there something going on between him and Shyam?”

Khushi paused, taking in the question.

“I’m not sure…Arnavji hasn’t mentioned anything, I wonder if something happened between them.”

Payal frowns.

“ Do you think he knows?…about Shyam?” Payal asks, her brows knitted together.

The question pierces Khushi, dread builds up as she imagines the worst case scenario, if Arnav indeed knew about her link to Shyam. No it couldn’t be…it just couldn’t.

Khushi shakes her head.

“No Jiji, if Arnavji knew wouldn’t he ask me first? Wouldn’t he do something? I don’t think it’s that …it can’t be”

Payal nods, her expression still unsure.

“Hmm you’re right Khushi, perhaps it was something else. Not hard to imagine given how repulsive that Shyam is” Payal snorts as she continues. “But as we are on the topic, I want to ask you if you’re okay Khushi…if everything between you and Arnavji is fine? I thought you would be happy when he came back …but you still don’t look yourself..’’ Payal’s soft voice trails off.

Khushi gently grabs a hold of her older sister’s hand, giving it a tender squeeze.

‘‘I’m perfectly fine, Jeeji, I wonder why everyone thinks I’m not!’

Payal raises an eyebrow.

“You don’t look well, Khushi.” She says, as she checks over Khushi - examining her and even placing her hand over her forehead and cheeks to check her younger sister’s temperature.

Khushi breaks away from Payal.

“Jiji, I swear on Devi Maiya I’m fine, I’m healthy. Why don’t you believe me?”

‘’Because this isn’t you, Khushi, I don’t like seeing you like this…you look colorless and frail, you barely ate anything at dinner again, don’t think I didn’t notice!’ Payal states sternly.

Khushi shifts around, nervously. She lets out a rather exaggerated giggle.

‘‘Oh, That! …it’s just that I-I’m dieting! I want to lose weight for Arnavji’’ she blurts out, Khushi realized how stupid her words sounded as soon as they left her mouth but it was too late.

Payal shoots her an incredulous look, her jaw dropping at the revelation.

‘‘Arnavji thinks you should lose weight? You?! That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard!’’ Payal exclaimed.

Khushi didn’t know how to respond, knowing that she would only further dig her own grave if she opened her mouth, so instead she offers Payal a slight shrug.

Payal’s mouth sets into a firm line and Khushi inwardly cringes as she recognises the fierce, tenacious look that had come over in her sister’s eyes.

She braced herself for Payal’s next words.

‘That’s it, I’m having a word with Arnavji’

There it was, the final blow.

Payal had started to make her way towards the stairs as Khushi leapt into action.

‘‘Jijiiiii! Noooo! You can’t talk to Arnavji!!’’ Khushi desperately flailed after her sister.

Payal stopped and turned to face her.

‘‘Khushi, I have to talk to him, he needs to realise that it’s not okay to say these things’’ Payal states.

Khushi racks her brains, praying for Devi Maiyaa to intervene.

‘‘You can’t talk to him! You can’t because…because I l-lied. He never said those things, I was just pulling your leg Jiji!’’ Khushi admits, adding a loud obnoxious laugh at the end, for good measure.

Payal gasps and lightly whacks Khushi on the arm who in turn pouts.

‘‘What am I going to do with you, Khushi?’’ Payal sighs, rubbing her temple.

Giving up Payal leaves, not before adding ‘‘make sure you get something to eat before bed!’‘

Khushi was once again alone with her thoughts.

That was a close call!

Khushi mentally thanks Devi Maiyaa as she makes her way towards the bedroom once again .

———————————————————————-

Notes:

I’m so sorry for the long, long delay! I’m still not happy with the chapter and my inner perfectionist is flaring up (I’m cringing posting this knowing I’ve probably misread/missed something) but i sincerely hope this is still enjoyable. I have rewritten this chapter so many times and I’m like screw it, posting it now lol.

There were a couple of points I wanted to touch on such as an emphasis of the sisters having an otherness to them when in the company of the Raizada’s … I thought it would be fascinating to touch on their obliviousness, which I imagine being caused by a mix of family familiarity and a sense of upperclass blindness, which is completely my own headcanon but notice how people savvy Khushi, Payal and Shyam are compared to the others? (Idk if that makes sense) ….but also thought it would be interesting to mention lack of privacy again, like living in a fancy fishbowl, a little nod to Shyam’s cameras (dw that’s not actually in the story but just Shyam being present in the home is creepy!)

The self harm description was graphic and uncomfortable and I hope it wasn’t too much but I felt compelled to include it in.

Please enjoy!

Honey 💖💖

[heliosoll]

hi! i had a question abt shifting. in loa now a lot of people are saying to manifest you should believe you have received and already are the person who has it. so for example, with shifting, to believe you have already shifted and are already in your dr. this is kind of hard to wrap my head around sometimes, so im curious abt your thoughts since you say that you affirm/know you will wake up there instead. but then isnt that putting your desire in the future??? idk haha im just confused

So manifesting is more about accepting that you are who you "want" to be or have what you "desire" to have. For example, if you want to be rich but you constantly think of yourself as poor, you're unconsciously manifesting that state of poorness rather than richness. So even if the physical reality shows the opposite, you should identify with the inner self that is rich, not with the "outer" self that's experiencing poorness. Does that make sense?

The physical reality reflects your inner reality. Whatever you identify with in your inner reality reflects in your 3D.

When people say that you should believe you already have your desire, they don't necessarily mean in the present or in the physical reality. They mean that you should accept that you are who you want to be or have what you want to have in imagination. Again, the 3D reflects the 4D, so accepting that you have your desires in the 4D means it will reflect in the physical reality.

When it comes to shifting and specifically affirming to wake up in a DR, don't think of it as an actual timeline. When I affirm/know that I'll wake up in my DR, I'm not thinking, "In the future, I will eventually get to my DR :)". What I'm thinking is, "I know for a fact that I will wake up in my DR". It's not about putting my desire in the future, it's about recognizing that I can shift whenever I want and that I'm simply choosing that it'll be while I'm asleep! I could also choose to already be there, or be there after I blink, or when I'm showering, or the next time I take a shit, or whenever the fuck. It's not about the actual time! Time doesn't exist! Accepting you have your desires = accepting that you can shift without worry.

[bestworstcase]

My midnight shower thought: for Ozma and all his incarnations Salem has remained the same visually. She looks more or less the same since he met her for the second time, in the first new life where they became gods among men and had a family. But for Salem the Ozma that she loved and lost too soon has never returned to her. It’s his soul moved up in there, an undercurrent of his voice below all the others. But she hasn’t truly seen Her Ozma since many man lifetimes ago. Stagnant water isn’t safe to drink. The Salem he loved he saw for the last time as he died in a bed. They have not seen each other in so long god. God!!!

ok ok ok

the thing

this is a wild tangent from what you said i apologize

but the THING IS

the first thing we learn about the grimm beyond the vague mythical description of inevitable darkness, creatures of destruction, so forth—the first proper information we get about them is that they are “manifestations of anonymity,” that their darkness is the darkness of ignorance, of not knowing, contrasted against the light of knowledge and understanding. the soul is identity and grimm lack souls because they are anonymous

which is all very interesting as it pertains to salem’s monstrosity being so inextricable from her anonymity, from the isolation enforced by ozma’s absolute commitment to erasing her from history and keeping her existence a secret. obviously. BUT,

salem throws herself into the pool of grimm because she reasons that the force of pure destruction it holds might cancel out the pure creation she has been forced to carry, right. it changes her profoundly, restoring the equal balance between creation and destruction that people are supposed to have and in the same stroke making her grimm. there’s an obvious metaphor being constructed here about scapegoating and dehumanization that like 95% of the fandom is missing in truly hilarious fashion but also more saliently to the point i’m getting to, salem stood on that precipice and gazed down into the abyss and thought about what might happen to her if she jumped before making the choice to actually jump, and i think maybe the most critical piece of information we have about what she thought the pool of grimm would do to her is “if the fountain of life granted her immortality, then surely the pool of grimm would take it away.” jinn implies a suicide attempt but her description of salem’s own reasoning is not about death, it’s about trying to become mortal again. trying to remove her infinite life by throwing herself into a darkness equal to the light inflicted upon her; i don’t think it mattered to her much either way whether the pool would kill her outright or spit out one more monster as long as whatever was left of her afterwards had the possibility of death. she didn’t know exactly what would happen, but she very much chose to do it to herself with full awareness of what that choice entailed.

and then when ozma comes out of his impulsive agreement to do what the god of light asked, screaming in disorientation and terror, when a stranger asks him “who are you?” and he recoils in horror as the realization of what happened to him sinks in, it’s with oscar standing by to mutter pityingly that he didn’t know. he didn’t know what he said yes to, what it would mean, and then god of light hurled him back onto a battlefield and he didn’t even know who he was.

salem has always been herself and her face has always been her own, the face of her birth and the face that she chose for herself, and it is so so achingly clear that the physical transformation did not fundamentally change her. she’s still just the person she’s always been, if buried under the weight of a thousand facile narratives piled on her shoulders by people who cannot or will not see her for who she is.

but ozma said yes to a duty he didn’t want just so he could see her again and he’s spent every goddamned minute of his existence since then having his identity shredded by an endless parade of other people whose lives and souls he’s forced to consume and then become, over and over and over again until it becomes fucking meaningless, until he’s spent thousands of different lives doing the exact same fucking thing in different flavors, variations on a theme. and the only comfort he can get is don’t worry, eventually you won’t even know whos who anymore. he still doesn’t know who he is, he’s spent thousands of years not knowing who he is, because the god of light tricked him into saying yes to being torn apart and molded into an instrument of divine authority.

and there’s, like

i go a little nuts every time i think about the fact that salem still calls him ozma, that she intuitively knows whether it’s him speaking or oscar, that even the very first time she saw him with an unfamiliar face she recognized him instantly. bc ozma can’t tell the difference, ozma doesn’t even self-identify as a person anymore and treats the distinction between himself and oscar as a temporary technicality, but salem still knows who he is as clearly as she knows herself, just as he has lost his sense of who she is as thoroughly as he’s lost his own identity. and by the same token ozma has for lifetimes defined himself solely in opposition to her, solely by his fixation on destroying her.

and all of this in the narrative that made it explicitly, plainly clear upfront that the soul is a person’s knowledge of themself. that what makes a monster a monster is having no sense of identity.

the god of light tried to take his champion’s soul and salem is the reason he can’t.

[sapphire-weapon]

oof yeah, i don't claim to be an expert in og, especially not having played the game or experienced the fandom, so i definitely stand corrected that og leon and ashley's connection wasn't as profound. i'll concede that my take on it was through a retroactive lens — i know ashley disappears from the franchise post-re4, and my interpretation of the og game is shaped by that knowledge

either way, it definitely sucks that she had to pretty much be erased from the narrative because of negative fan reaction, but i'm very glad they were willing to take another shot at bringing her back. so far fan reaction this time for ashley has been pretty overwhelmingly positive, so i definitely hope that we get to see her again in some capacity, or at least be name-dropped as a reminder that she still exists

(still trying to manifest the whole "leon wears ashley's necklace as a memento" deal that you touched on)

Dude, I laughed so fucking hard when Infinite Darkness showed that photo of Ashley, because it was like... IT WAS SO FUCKING OBVIOUS that Capcom dropped that in there to just be like "hey guys... we're releasing RE4 Remake soon... I want you to remember she exists before we release it so that you get your rage out now, ok????"

I bet it was a real relief for Capcom execs when the fanbase basically had a non-reaction to her in ID. I feel like I was the only person who even mentioned it at all when ID came out LMAO

BUT ANYWAY FUCK ALL THAT SHIT I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE NECKLACE THING AGAIN

It never goes away. Even years later, he's still wearing it.

He only takes it off to shower -- and even then, not always. It comes with him on every mission, just tucked away behind the neckline of his shirt for good luck (and the physical reminder of the girl he saved who still thinks the world of him).

Ashley's heart swells every time she opens the buttons of his shirt and finds that little dove still sitting there right below the hollow of Leon's neck. And of course he wears it when he fucks her aRE YOU KIDDING ME OF COURSE HE DOES

If it ever slips out from under his shirt and out into the open, he won't talk about it -- because it's nobody's fucking business. Even if someone asks him, "Is that your girlfriend's?" he just answers with "I don't have a girlfriend." and refuses to say anything more.

And he's not lying. That's not what Ashley is. If she was his girlfriend, he'd probably talk to her way more often than once every few weeks, and he'd definitely see her more often than a handful of times a year -- if that.

But he refuses to put a label on their relationship, because he knows that if he tries to, his thoughts will inevitably brush up against the L-word, and that's not something he can afford to feel. Not in his line of work.

And he especially can't wonder if she feels the same way back, because if she did, it would suddenly become a whole lot harder for him to justify throwing himself at near-certain death on a regular basis. At least for now, he still needs to be expendable.

[revereworks]

A letter to the boy with sea glass eyes ~1/14/24~

Ignore this post because it is an unsent letter to my current crush :D

You know, it was your eyes that made me realize how much I liked you. We were sitting in a group one day, talking about whatever book we had read as a group, when you turned to look at me after I spoke. The way the sun it your eyes... I wish you could've seen it.

After that I just couldn't stop staring at you, looking at your eyes that looked so much like sea glass that I could almost feel the texture in my fingers.

I hate the way you make me feel. How I change the way I walk when I know you're in the hallway, even if you're never going to look at me. I made fun of one of my friends for acting boy crazy. I could never understand how this one guy could make her feel when she got excited over shower pics when they were snapping. But there was one day when you were out in the hallway and my mutual was in front of you and sent me a streak. And it was of you. I almost saved it in chat. I kind of regret that I didn't.

I hate the way that it's such a stereotype. You're in the soccer, basketball, and track team. You exude confidence, talking with anyone and everyone that you cross paths with without a struggle. You're the popular jock. I wouldn't say I'm a huge academic freak but my grades are up and, if you don't really know me, it seems like all I work for is my academic success.

Usually, when I like actors, they have dark hair and dark eyes. This is vain, but I never thought I'd fall for something with hair blonder than mine.

I hate that fact that you're a senior and I'm a junior. I dread next year when you're gone. Isn't that silly? I only see you for 5 hours out of the entire week. 5 hours out of 168.

Sometimes I try to spot you when I'm outside my house. Your girlfriend lives right around the corner from me, either her moms house or her dads house. I want to be out there, doing something to let you know that I live there. Maybe if you knew that you'd be trying to catch hints of me when you drove by.

I hate how you've been dating Mary [fake name] for eight years. That just seems weird to me. You guys started dating before middle school. I tell myself that its all pretend like in the novels and movies, just a way to get people off your back because you are both stunning and gorgeous people.

I can't tell if you hate me or like me. I would rather you hate me than feel indifferent to me. I want you to think something of me, to have an opinion. Obviously I would rather you like me but I'll take anything other than indifference.

Last year I tried to manifest a boyfriend because I was lonely. I ignored it after a while, when it obviously wasn't working, but I looked at it now and you're basically the guy I manifested.

It's so crazy to me how I went my entire life without really knowing you. Of course I knew you existed. This is a smaller town than average, everyone knows everyone. But this is the first class I've had with you my entire life.

I wonder if I would've liked you back then, if we met when I was younger.

[thevintagegossip]

I read this out loud when I had finished writing and cried tears of relief, of happiness and understanding. Change isn’t always easy, having knowledge doesn’t mean you always understand but lately everything’s been making sense. I write mostly about the dark thoughts I refuse to say out loud but this is how I currently feel. A journey I am on and will continue to be on. I have forgiven myself and working on forgiving other people. It’s a process. The one person who’s never left me is me and I’m grateful I’ve never given up trying to be a better me.

•Higher Self•

She’s beginning to dream again

Not the dazed look lost in the day

She’s got sparkle in her eyes and hopes for better days

I’ve watched her sink and swim

Sit at the bottom of the pool for as long as she could stand

But every time she goes back up to breathe again

She’s beginning to glimmer

Pep in her step with a slouch not so steep

I can see she’s coming back

Shield in hand with determination in her tone

I can feel her

Entering a room that shifts bodies and eyes

Taking off those heavy disguises

I’m thrilled

I’ve loved every piece of her but this is my favorite part

When the weight of the world molds her sorrows into power

When she refuses to give up

She’s rebuilding herself

Fighting to remove toxic cycles

Holding them an exile from her life

I can feel she means it this time

She’s been chained to the heaviest parts of her mind looking for keys to undo the lock

But I see her

Sawing them off with nobody’s permission but her own

She’s breathing effortlessly

No longer gasping for borrowed air

She’s claimed her existence and purpose

Letting down her beautiful hair

Manifesting with intention

I’m here for it

Taking in her new yet known discovery

This time I don’t worry of her becoming

Just a memory

She’s see a future worth living

A world full of color

A perspective where light outweighs the dark

I’m holding her hand

She tells me grass is no longer greener on the other side and I remind her grass is green where you water

That there are gardens below her feet and down the path she is going

To hold hope of the present and for knowledge worth knowing

I love her

I’ve been here from the start promised never to leave till our end

Through distress and shambles I’d remain her biggest fan

A higher self sitting in that clouded mind

She heard my whispers and listened this time

I have been here all along praying for this day

When she’d sweep the devil off her shoulder and let the good one stay

I whisper one last time

You’ve taken the reigns even with hard rain showers and cold days you’ve recognized it washes the pain of yesterday away

There is no me without you

but a you without me

Take the route of happiness

I can’t wait to see where we will be

A shift in her lips as she understands we’re a team

She created this higher self

Now we’ll let it feed her self esteem

Strengthen her mind

to be who she wants to be.

[hyatoro]

Hwang Minsu Mating

Anyone would wonder the same thing tbh.

Alpha!Reader x Omega!Minsu 

Heads up we’re talking PIV sex here where the reader has a vagina. 

Wow this is almost 2k words. 

Read Other Version Here (Reader Penetrates)

It’s one of those nights where he has to work unfortunately. And you explicitly said that you had no plans to visit him that night. He was moping, not that he looked any different to the public eye when he wasn’t by your side. 

He’s super pouty behind his mask and every moment that he’s not dealing with a customer he’s on his phone looking at his pictures of you. Some of them were taken without your knowledge, but you’re not really concerned. You already knew what you were dealing with. 

But his favorite ones are the ones where you took his phone and took a selfie of you two together. It always warms his heart to look at and he gets this dopey smile on his face. Because you liked him!!! You wanted to make memories with him in frame!! The ones with only you have their own charm, untainted by his existence, but he can’t hide how happy the ones with you both make him. 

He gets off his shift at 6am when he exchanges with the morning guy, greeting him politely before hurrying home. Only to see you waiting for him by the exit. 

Minsu stops in his tracks and rubs his eyes to make sure this isn’t some hallucination he manifested by staring at your photos. 

When you smile at how silly he’s being, he rushes you, wrapping his arms around you tight. You return the hug just as hard and every muscle in his body relaxes as he melts into your embrace. 

“W-What are you doing here!? I thought you couldn’t come?” 

“I did. I needed to sleep. And now I’m here.”

!!!! <3 <3 <3 !!!!

Clings onto you for another few minutes before finally allowing the both of you to walk again. He looks tired so you invite him to your place since it’s closer than his. Of course he accepts whole-heartedly. 

He accepts the shower you offer, indulging in all your stuff. When he’s done he’s all sparkly like a new man. Degreased. 

You let him sleep in your bed while you do chores, and he gets a solid 6 hours of sleep before waking up, his body only taking what’s necessary before waking up to spend time with you. By then it’s lunch time and his groggy ass gets up to snuggle up wherever you are. You happened to be making lunch so you give him a kiss on his head when he nuzzles into the crook of your neck. He makes this goofy ass sound when he goes heh heh as you do so. 

Y’all eat lunch and get to cuddling on your couch when you’re snuggled up to his neck this time. After a few more whiffs you realize that his heat is approaching. You tell him as much. 

“A-Ah… Is it? I- Um… Is that a problem for you? I can go put on a patch or leave-” he rambles, unwilling to leave your side but not wanting to be a burden on you. Which you quickly fix by kissing him and telling him to shut up. He listens. 

You say, “It’s not necessarily a problem, but I wanted to ask if you wanted to spend it with me?” And you’re nuzzling your nose into his scent glands. He could not refuse you even if he wanted to. So what makes you think he would as is? 

“Yes!” He shouts before you change your mind, stretching his neck out further as he gets breathy, baring himself to you. “Yes yes yes, I want to spend my h-heat with you…” 

If he could manually start his heat right fucking now he would. 

You chuckle before kissing his neck and whispering your words into his skin. “Then it’s a plan.”

He is squirming in your lap and you can literally smell his arousal. He can’t hide his neediness and is actively rubbing up against you, but the tiniest bit of shame he has left has him hiding his face behind his hands. 

With him so sweet and pretty in your arms how could you not pamper him? And since he’s so eager you might as well ask, “Hey, Minsu. I’ve got another thing to ask you.”

“Whatever it is, the answer is yes.” Zero hesitation. 

Your teeth grazes his skin, right where mates mark each other, and he almost creams his pants right then and there. His body twitches as he whimpers and whines even though you’ve barely done anything. 

“Can I claim you, sweetheart?” you whisper the golden words into his ear.

The man hops off and starts ripping his clothes off as fast as possible, terrified that you might be joking or change your mind. “I said the answer is yes!” 

You’re stunned but also admiring him and his tenacity when he suddenly starts stripping you too. “Whoa! Easy there, sweetheart. Let’s take this to the bed.” Your amusement and confidence has him folding and begging you to move faster. He is physically shoving you towards the bedroom, but it’s super ineffective cause he is so fucking weak. Your mind tells you to get some meat on his bones later. 

You’re excited too so you hurry to your bedroom, and as hot as you are in your rumpled clothing from his failed attempt to strip you, he is back to trying to take your clothes off. 

At this point you understand why he’s rushing you but ease his worries with some kisses and words of reassurance. “This is an important moment, Minsu. I’m not going to rush it. I promise I’m not going to change my mind and back out or anything. If you want to-”

“Absolutely not!”

You stifle a laugh. “I was going to say it would be fine if you changed your mind halfway through, but it seems I don’t have to worry about that.”

He whines as he bares himself to you, urging you to hurry up, though the franticness of it has subsided, the assurance working. It was just plain old impatience now. 

You finally, finally, remove your clothes and he is mesmerized the entire time. He’s seen glimpses before, through the gap in your curtains when you’ve changed, but this? This was entirely different. He looks at you with awe and lust, barely holding back from lunging at you for a taste since you told him to lay back. 

Then you crawl over him and cage him between your arms, a devilish grin on your face. The poor boy is so ridiculously wet it’s kind of insane to think about. 

His legs wrap around you, grinding up into your hips as his arms cling to you, begging for more touch. You yield to his desires, devouring him just as expected. It’s only been heavy petting and he’s already a mess. 

You take his hand and kiss his wrist, taking in his sweet scent, letting his arousal mix with yours as you nip at the skin there. Minsu is so whiny and it shows. 

When you line yourself up with him you look at his face and he is so fucking horny he’s shaking, his head vigorously nodding yes. As you sink down on him he cries out, hands grasping at you in any capacity as his eyes slam shut. The visual stimulus is too much, but when he can’t see all he can think about is how you feel and that doesn’t help either. 

He’s begging you. He doesn’t say what he’s begging for though. It’s just a long string of “please please please please please fuck please…” Is he asking for you to hold on and wait or is he asking that you move? Yes. He can’t fucking decide so you do it for him and raise your hips up and slam back down. 

His head flies back and he lets out a string of curses.

Then you grab him by the chin, thumb pushing his mouth open and press against his tongue. He moans and licks it obediently. When you tell him to open his eyes however he’s hesitant to do so, and when he does, he stares at your face. 

“Are you going to waste my time and not even pay attention to the show I’m giving you? After all that effort you put in trying to see me naked?” 

Every single fucking thing you’ve said and done has him hanging by a fucking thread and when eyes finally trail down to see where you’re connected he disobeys your orders and shuts his eyes back closed, grunts and whines as he does so. 

“Oh~ I see how it is. You’re not going to be good for me? Y’know, bad boys don’t get marked, Minsu~ I thought you wanted to be claimed?” your honeyed voice teasing him. 

He’s crying. He is legit crying. “Nononononooo. Pleasepleaseplease I’ll be good. I just- I can’t- I want it to last- Fuck-” his eyes try to open. He sees your pretty face in a mock pout. He sees how his cock has disappeared into your wet pussy. And his eyes shut again, tears falling from his eyes. “I-I-I’m sorry! I want to be good! I- FUCK-”

And you feel a hot sensation leak inside of you. His cries are so hot as his body tenses. It takes a while for him to come down from his high.

He’s hiding his face as he sobs, apologizing and begging for another chance. That he’ll do better and that you should please fucking claim him. Please for the love of god claim him. 

You have never been so fucking horny in your life. You wipe away his tears after moving his hands and give him reassuring kisses. “Of course I’m going to claim you. I promised you, didn’t I? It’s okay, honey. Just take some deep breaths and calm down.” 

He’s nodding, suppressing his hiccups as he listens. When he’s gotten to a point where he’s calm again you start bouncing slowly on his soft cock. It doesn’t stay that way for long, considering he’s insatiable when it comes to you. 

It all builds up again, but this time he’s not constantly on the brink of cumming too soon. It’s still close though. 

When you start kissing his neck, leaving a line of hickies for him to find later, he is back to grasping at your back, neck outstretched as much as it can. You take the moment to bask in how delicious his scent is right then, before you mark him as yours. 

With one last look on his face for any doubt, of which you find none, you finally go for the kill, biting and breaking his skin where every mated couple has done so in all of history. 

If you thought the moans from when he came too soon were wanton, then this was downright scandalous. 

The primal aspect of it has you going feral as you come alongside him this time, biting down even harder, barely keeping in mind not actually hurt him. 

When you two relax you’re lapping at the blood on his neck and he’s just this shivery mess of limbs. His mind is so fucking clouded and if his body were in better condition he’d be begging to do it all over again. 

Once he’s no longer bleeding you kiss the mark before kissing him. The taste of his blood on your lips really makes the act feel real, his tongue lazily prodding yours until you flop over next to him. 

His breath and voice are still shaky as he thanks you profusely. You wipe the two of you down with some towels and he thanks you again. When you lay back down his shivering body then curls up into your arms as you pull the blanket up over you two. 

His thoughts aren’t even words anymore. They’re just hearts. Just a bunch of <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 with you in mind.  ❤️ ╰(⸝⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝⸝)╯ ❤️

[incorrectlyplacedeyeballs]

The Devil made me do it, but I also kinda wanted to

This is a fanfic I have been writing for a while now on ao3, and I decided to transfer the first chapter over. Basically it's just about Jon giving in to the eye.

TW for attempted suicide

Jon itched.

It wasn't some normal itch, or some strange manifestation of the Flesh, it was a cruel, constant itch that filled his entire body with the want, the need to give in to his desires, to plunge into that dark and icy well of inhumanity. But he couldn't. He knew he couldn't. However he had dressed it up to the others, it was him who attacked those people. He chose to do that, to feed on them, knowing full well what it would do, and that knowledge plagued him like an infected limb.

But it was as Helen had said- When has your guilt, or your sadness, or your hand-wringing ever actually stopped you from doing what the Eye wants? And she was right. No matter what, he would always give in. It was that or death.

Which was, he supposed, what had lead him here, to a dark corner of his flat, with a bottle of strong alcohol and a pocket knife, to remove one more monster from the world.

But it didn't work.

Because of course it fucking didn't. The Eye wouldn't let him go that easily, and so he was stuck here, in a rapidly-regenerating pool of blood. He took a swig of the bottle, hoping desperately to numb the desperation, but as soon as is mind started to fog, it cleared, somehow sharper than before.

He tried once more, cutting at any part of himself that he thought could harm him, but all the wounds just did nothing. A new course of action was needed

Jon stood up, hearing vertebrae crack and immediately heal (How long had he been sitting there?), and got to clearing up. He mopped up most of the blood, and threw the bottle into the bin. Then he turned attention to himself.

It was probably the first time he had looked at himself properly in months. The cuts had healed already, like all non-entity related injuries he got, but that was possibly the only positive. His hair was unkempt, his clothes were crumpled and stained, and it was quite clear that he had not bothered with personal hygiene in some time. He went to take a shower and put on some new clothes, all the while considering his options.

He obviously couldn't give up in that extent, and he wasn't sure he wanted to outside of the sporadic spirals of madness. Going back clearly wasn't an option either. He supposed he could just run off from all civilisation, and hope he would get used to the discomfort, but somehow he was certain that he just would end up going back. That left him with two options- continue as he was, fending of the need for statements and ignoring the disgusted looks from his co-workers, or-

Or he could give in.

The realisation hit him like a bullet. The Eye wouldn't stop the guilt, but he could. He was already so far from human, would it really be that difficult to sever the final ties? He could live easier, occasionally feeding off of people, and the rest of time existing normally. Better, even. He wouldn't have to worry about food, or illness, or any other trivial parts of human life. He could do whatever he wanted, with no confines, no morality to-

He shook his head violently. He mustn't think like that. His humanity was the only thing keeping him going, and he couldn't let go of it. He didn't want to end up like Elias, or Annabelle, or god forbid-

His thoughts were cut of by the sound of a door opening.

Shit.

"What do you want, Helen?" he growled.

"Oh, well I was in the area, and I thought you might appreciate some company!" the surreally-framed creature grinned. It's arms twisted behind it's back and came back with an opaque, multicoloured bottle. "It's not very often that a new Avatar joins us, and so I like to mark the occasion!"

Jon scowled. "So you're here to gloat then."

"Gloat? Me? Never! I just wanted to make sure you were settling okay, and catch up a little! I would never do something as petty as gloating."

And somehow, he believed it. "Fine." he sighed. "I'll see if I have some glasses."

A few minutes later, he and Helen were sat at the small coffee table in his living room, drinking the carbonated wine Helen had brought. Helen had changed to it's more humanoid form, at around six foot with hair that curled just slightly to much to be physically possible.

"You know," it started, breaking the silence, "I felt scared too, when I first joined the Spiral."

Jon took a sip of his champagne flute of iced hot chocolate. "You mean Helen did, before you stole her body."

"For the last time, I am Helen! The Eye would tell you that too, if you let it. I went into those hallways, I found the centre, and I made the choice to survive. I chose to become inhuman, and in doing so, the last bit of Helen Richardson was preserved. And now look at me!"

Jon groaned into his mug of hot fanta. "I don't have much choice but to trust you, do I?"

"Well, you could just Know, but things that touch my area of expertise tend to leave viewers with a rather nasty headache, or so I'm told."

"Because god forbid the Eye show me something useful." he grumbled.

"But it could, Archivist. It could show you everything you want and more. You just have to let it."

"I can't- It's not that simple. Letting the Eye in would sacrifice my humanity, it would destroy-"

"Oh who cares, Jon." Helen interjected, swirling her bowl of melted sprinkles. " You would be doing what it takes to survive, not just for fun. There are actual humans out there that would still have less humanity than you. You wouldn't even kill anyone!"

"Look, I will think about it. This isn't something I can just do overnight."

"Tough" said Helen, standing to it's full height, it's mouth and hands lengthening. "You can't just keep putting this decision off. I'm giving you two options. Either you accept who you are, or I put you out of your misery, once and for all."

Jon opened his mouth, about to finally take his passage out. But something made him stop. Why did he have to die because of something he couldn't control? Why was he to blame, despite not being aware of what was going on through almost everything? He may of been a monster, but he was just doing what was needed to survive. There were much worse things to do than that. He inhaled, steadied himself and came to a new decision, one he never thought he'd make.

He laughed, relief washing over him. "I accept."

Almost as soon as he said these words, a surge of sensation surged over him. It felt like he was remembering every statement he had ever taken or recorded, but with even more detail. He could feel the emotion of every single person, all of the terror they produced.

And it felt great.

Green light flooded his vision, and he became so gloriously aware. He could sense people near him, could feel their fear, recall there experiences, ripe for taking. None supernatural of course, but they too would come in time. He felt the skin all over his body rupture, as thousands of eyes all opened and then closed, as if to simply make him aware of them.

When he regained a sense of himself, he was kneeling on the floor, with Helen looking at him with an expression of glee. "How does it feel, Archivist?"

He moved his arms, noting the complete lack of discomfort all over his body. He thought back to himself just a few minutes ago, all set to give up, and could barely recognise himself. The euphoria wouldn't last long without feeding, but in the meantime he felt completely invincible, his lengthened existence stretched out in front of him, filled with possibilities.

He grinned, and for the briefest of moments, his eyes flashed green. "Should have done this a long time ago."

[azulawriting]

I changed my opinion on Ulquiorra, surprisingly.

Before I begin, I wanna say this: I’m not structuring these long rants, nor am I expecting to make a lot of sense. If anything, these are just really long shower thoughts.

Watching the anime, I did not really fathom how bleak the entirety of volume 40 and the final Lust chapters in volume 41 are. I’d argue it’s the darkest Bleach has ever been, manga-wise. From the poem at the beginning of the volume to the title of the chapters themselves and the finale, which is chapter 353. For simplicity’s sake, I’ll call the entire set of chapters I’m referring to as the “Deadly Sins” arc.

I’m not one to take too seriously the poems are inherently significant to the characters themselves. I think that they should be mere accessories to what’s being shown in the story and not necessarily complementary material. I generally consider symbolism to be a very complicated thing to handle, and conveying any element of narrative significance through symbolism is rather hard. Plus, I don’t think that generally speaking, Bleach is a series that is driven by symbolism, which is why I don’t give too much importance to the poems nor to the non-jokey additional drawings at the end of each chapter in a manga volume.

But that changes when it comes to Ulquiorra, and the Deadly Sins arc is a brilliant exemption to the rule. In the anime, once again, most of this is lost and I only remember Ulquiorra as being a very powerful villain that had a great final fight against the main character. It was impactful and dreadful by how it reverted classic shonen tropes. He was a powerful villain for sure, but even then, Aizen and Ichimaru were more interesting villains than him, even though Ulquiorra is the only villain who has killed Ichigo. Hell, even Starrk, Grimmjow and Harribel were more interesting to me back then.

As I finished chapter 354, I realize that Ulquiorra might as well be one of the most interesting Arrancars. And all of that changed through some very subtle, symbolic story-telling in the poem in volume 40 and the two end-of-chapter drawings in chapters 353 and 354 in volume 41.

I think that he’s the only character where it makes a lot of sense to give more importance to what would otherwise be accessory symbols to his characterization within the chapters. And it’s because of the nature of his conflict with the aspect of death he represents as well as, paradoxically, the sin he’s not aware of until the very end of his existence. His inner conflict is hidden, maybe even bottled up, up until the point it unambiguously manifests to both him and the reader.

The Deadly Sins are in and of themselves full of symbolism, whether that is through classical literature like Dante’s Inferno or more secular interpretations of the theme. Sins are as human as they are a transgression to God’s will. I’m not very religious, but I believe that part of understanding why Ulquiorra is so interesting as a character is that he transgressed the laws that brought forth his very existence. God’s will, to put it that way.

His insistence on understanding what “the heart” is, let alone being confronted by that foreign concept in any way, goes against the aspect of death he is supposed to represent. Despair leaves no room for love, hope or any human connection. The source of his obsession with it, his Lust if you will, is the heart. The concept he cannot quite wrap around. The poem at the start of volume 40 is a realization of his yearning and interest in humanity. For what he can never hope to come close to. It is no wonder, then, that he ceases to exist the moment he comes to fully understand what the heart is. In the moments leading up to his understanding of the heart, Ulquiorra starts being more emotional than I’d even ever thought imaginable. I mean, as far as my memories go, the emo Espada was a wall of ice with minor cracks in it.

The manga, however, makes a point to approach him as close to the heart as possible even before his eventual demise. And even his last thoughts are centred on just how close the heart had always been. And the image at the end of chapter 354 is only the culmination of those final, soothing, yet forever haunting final thoughts. The broken English almost seems intentional, almost as if to say the remnants of his conscience got cut mid-way before truly picturing for the reader what the heart is besides that single, scribbled black dot on the page. 

It makes for a rather tragic character. As ruthless as Ulquiorra was, especially in that final fight, Kubo uses mere symbols to humanize him far beyond what his actions led me to believe in both the anime and the manga chapters alone. Although, I will admit that I was shocked to see him scream at Ichigo. I was even more shocked by the fact that that scream, unlike the anime, took as much space as Ichigo’s own denial of his victory by the end of the fight. It brings a very interesting mirror image that only enhances the weight of his final moments.