#half the people I see complaining about this stuff need to just have the damn talk

[the-siren-in-your-fridge]

“Omg my SO didn’t know we were dating for like a whole month!” That means you weren’t together. Just so we’re clear

Individual opinions on what constitutes as dating or relationship milestones vary so wildly between people (even people of the same culture) that until you guys are both on the same page as to what’s going on, you shouldn’t assume anything. If you’re thinking “okay so we’re doing typical partner things, this probably means we’re together,” you should probably check in with the person you’re thinking that about because they might view half of that stuff as friend stuff and the other half as undefined-but-leaning-towards-partners so it’s better to talk about it and be sure

I see so many people online complain that “we’re clearly together but they didn’t know that and they were seeing other people!” Solution is to talk about it. “They called me their partner but we haven’t had that conversation yet!” Have it now! Talk about it! Easy peasy broski

I know some people hate the “what are we” convo or think relationships are intuitive or obvious, but most of this stuff is arbitrary so it’s always better to ask. Be an adult and have the adult conversation lol I believe in you

[blueshykitsune-blog]

I want a giant brown bunny... but... but too much!

The only one I found was like $158 USD... it was just about 5 foot tall! It literally was like looking at what I wanted to make but realized I didn't have enough stuffing for!

And one that was like 3 feet tall was $100...

Like yes I know materials and time is money but I can still complain! Why fabric gotta be so much! And so messy! (The ones with faux fur or of the like. Like whyyyyyy!!!!) Also why is cotton and stuffing so much too! And you get enough for maybe only one 2 foot plushie!

(I ran out of tagging space... 30 the limit sadly. But I had more to say but maybe later I'll do a bigger post on that all.)

[ricolaviecher]

Who's the dad

This is a Evan Buckley (9-1-1) fanfiction I have finally decided to post. It is the first or second fanfiction I have written in my whole life so this is probably bad. English is not my first language so there could be a few mistakes.

I hope everyone who reads this enjoys it. If anyone has feedback, I am open for it.<3

Summary: A few months after a one-night stand leaves (Y/N) pregnant, she unexpectedly meets the baby's father at a BBQ at her dad's fire station.

The blonde guy was hot, (Y/N) had to admit. His baby blue shirt lets his eyes glow in the most perfect way.

“So why are you here today?”, (Y/N) asked. They both had a silent deal: no name’s, no prying for information.

“Hard day at work”, the man answered. “You?”

“Hard week.” (Y/N) knew she was already drunk, but she ordered another tequila. In the afternoon, she brought her kids to their grandparents, Bobby and Athena. The reason she told them: I need the evening for drinking until I don’t even know my name anymore.

She knew drinking wasn’t going to solve her problem, but it would numb her for at least one night. It would make her forget the pain.

The man nodded, but she didn’t even know what she had said before.

They drank a few drinks together until both of them saw black spots dancing in front of their eyes.

(Y/N) knew it was wrong what she wanted to do know. She wanted to kiss this man. She wanted to forget why she was here tonight. She knew exactly how wrong it would be. How disappointed everyone would look at her. But screw it. She wanted him and she wanted him now.

She leant forward and pressed a kiss on his lips. It felt so right, but so wrong. It didn’t matter. The blonde deepened the kiss. The next thing (Y/N) knew was that they were in the man’s apartment. In his bed.

___

(Y/N) did her best to hide the baby bump – but it didn’t help much. Maybe she could tell everyone she has just eaten too much when they were in Europe. She hasn’t seen anyone of her family in the last 5 months. They didn’t know she was pregnant and they are not supposed to. Half a year ago she packed her stuff and drove away with the kids.

After her husband died and she slept with this stranger, she had to leave. She wasn’t able to stay anymore. She was ashamed of herself. How was she able to sleep with someone just some hours after Henry died? They weren’t always happy but she loved him. He had been her world. Until he was gone.

“Mommy? How much longer we have to drive?” James asked from the back of the car. He was the most impatient of her kids.

“Only around half an hour then you can finally see grandpa and grandma again.”

(Y/N) heard a sigh from her son and chuckled.

“Is there going to be cake? Is grandpa going to make pasta for us?” Cameron. She and James are twins and couldn’t be more similar. Both impatient and always hungry until they ate two bites and complain about being too full to eat any more.

“I don’t know. I have never been to a party at the station.” Nobody knew they were going to come. It was going to be a surprise.

Suddenly, Emily began to cry in her seat. The two-year old always slept in the car, but when she woke up, she always had a shock and started to cry when she noticed they were driving.

“Liv, can you please give Emily her pacifier?” The 14-year-old didn’t seem to hear her mom, as she had her headphones in her ears and scrolled through TikTok’s.

“Liv! Give your sister her damn pacifier!” Finally.

After two weeks in Europe, (Y/N) was already super annoyed. She tried to keep it cool, but it wasn’t easy to be with four kids and pregnant when she didn’t have her husband around.

___

Just a few minutes later, (Y/N) parked in front of the firehouse. She had been here before. Not inside it but she had dropped off her father a few times when his car was at the car repair.

“Ok! We are here! All out of the car!” (Y/N) picked up her youngest and followed the rest of the kids inside the firehouse.

She didn’t see many people downstairs, but around 50 people were upstairs.

“(Y/N)? Hey! You’re back! Where were you in the last few months? We tried to call you but you didn’t answer. We were so worried!” Bobby literally ran to her and hugged her as tightly as possible with Emily between them. “She grew up so much”, he said, reaching out to stroke Emily’s back.

“Yes. She absolutely did.” (Y/N) could see the worried and exhausted expression on her father’s face and immediately felt sorry for not even writing him and Athena a message that she and the kids were ok.

“May I introduce you to the team?”, Bobby asked after hugging the twins and Liv, who finally put away her headphones.

The 118’s Captain led his family to a bunch of people in uniforms.

“These guys are Eddie, Chimney, Hen and Buck.” (Y/N)’s breath caught in her throat. Fuck. The super-hot guy stood in front of her. With his uniform he looked even better that in his baby blue shirt he wore the last time. Why the fuck did she still remember what this guy had worn when they met in the bar?!

“Meet (Y/N), Liv, James, Cameron and Emily.”

“Hey! Nice to meet y’all”, (Y/N) said overly friendly, trying to hide the surprise, as well as Buck did.

“Grandpa? You have cake?”, Cameron asked Bobby.

“Of course. A party without cake isn’t a party. Come on, I’ll show you all.” Bobby led the kids away from (Y/N) and the team, over to the kitchen island on which many plates of cake were standing.

“’So… you are Cap’s daughter?”, a brown-haired man asked, who (Y/N) remembered as Eddie.

“Yepp, that’s me.” (Y/N) looked at Buck who looked just as surprised, as she felt.

“So, you are Buck?”, she asked him just as a try to build a conversation. She tugged gently on her shirt, as she didn’t want Buck to notice her baby bump.

“Uhm… yes. I am. Evan Buckley. So… these are your kids? You look quite young”, Buck asked and (Y/N) furrowed her brow until she realized, they haven’t talked about ages when they spent the night together. She was quite young for already having 4 kids. She had Liv when she was 16, but she barely told people, as she always got these judging looks.

“Yes, they are.” (Y/N) stared at the ground, unable to hold eye contact with the man she had a breathtaking night.

“Father’s not in the picture?”, Eddie asked and (Y/N) could see that Buck was relieved, that his friend asked the question, so he didn’t seem too suspicious.

“Um, no. He died 5 months ago. Car accident.” Instead of staring at the ground, (Y/N) now looked at the ceiling, trying to stop the tears, which always threatened to flow freely, whenever she talked about her late husband.

When she finally managed to make eye contact with Evan, she could see pain written over his face. Her husband died 5 months ago, around the same time, she slept with him. Had he been some kind of replacement? He knew they agreed to one night – no personal information, but it still hurt to know she didn’t actually feel the tiniest bit. She only had tried to compensate everything.

---

Around 3 hours later, in which the 118 got a small call once but came back after only one and a half hour, they all sat at the big table, because it was dinner time. Most of the time, (Y/N) stood on the sidelines, as she didn’t really feel comfortable around all these people she barely knew, and Buck. Nobody seemed to have noticed the baby bump which was covered under her shirt.

And now, (Y/N) even felt nauseous and had cramps in her lower belly. Her other pregnancies had gone quite well, except the last few months with the twins, but this pregnancy was terrible. She already had to go to hospital 4 times in the last 5 months, as she couldn’t keep anything down and had been severely dehydrated.

After only 2 bites, (Y/N) had to lay down the fork because she felt like she would throw up right away if she ate only one more bite. She had already thrown up breakfast and everything she drank today. She was lucky no one noticed she hasn’t eaten a piece of cake before.  

“Are you ok?”, the brown-haired man from before asked. Eddie? (Y/N) has always been terrible with names and couldn’t remember any. It took her 2 weeks to even remember Henry’s name after she met him, something he also made fun of, even years later.

“Uh yes. Just not feeling too great today”, she answered, trying to suppress the feeling to be sick. Her throat felt tight and her stomach felt like it was twisting and turning. The cramps were still present. She knew she wasn’t having a miscarriage as she once had one, and it felt different. The symptoms were pretty much the same, but she had another feeling. She had felt like something was missing, but this here wasn’t any better.

“You sure? You don’t look too good and you haven’t eaten much. Don’t you like the food?”, her father intervened now.

“The food’s great. Really. I haven’t been feeling my best today, that’s it.”

“Do you want one of the medics to take a look at you?” Bobby really seemed worried, but his daughter waved him off.

“Dad. Don’t make more out of it than it is.” Her dad made an acknowledging sound and (Y/N) thanked him silently with a small nod.

(Y/N) fidgeted with her hands, a nervous habit, she always did when she felt uncomfortable. Today, this many people were too much. She has never liked being around many people for a long time. She felt like everyone was staring at her and making fun off her or thinking of her as a disappointment when she did something wrong. Her kids were different, except of Liv. Liv came after her mom in these things, while the others luckily came after their dad and were the most social persons in this world.

Everyone looked at (Y/N), as she suddenly stood up, because a wave of nausea waved over her. As fast as possible she went to the restrooms, but only made it to the sink, where she threw up the bit of water she had managed to drink before. She rinsed her mouth and looked in the mirror. She looked like shit. Her skin was pale and her lips dry.

The door opened, and a woman stepped inside. She was around as tall as (Y/N) was and wore a wine-red shirt, that showed she worked at the 911 dispatch center. Had she been at the dinner table before? Or has (Y/N) just not seen her?

“Oh hey. Sorry. Just needed a break from out there. Who are you? I have never seen you here before. I am Maddie by the way. Chimney’s fiancé, Buck’s sister.”

(Y/N) raised an eyebrow. Buck’s sister?

“(Y/N). Bobby’s daughter. Nice to meet you.”

“Are you okay? You don’t look too well.” Again, this question. No, she wasn’t ok. But she didn’t say anything, so everyone should stop asking her. If she wanted someone to know she wasn’t well, she would tell.

“It’s okay. Just not feeling my best today.” Maddie nodded.

“Ok.” She didn’t pry further to get information, what (Y/N) was very thankful for.

“Soo. You are Bobby’s daughter? Athena has never mentioned, that Bobby has a daughter. She usually talks about everything.” Maddie furrowed her brow.

(Y/N) shrugged her shoulders.

“He doesn’t like talking about his private life too much.”

(Y/N) went back to the table, after she was sure she wouldn’t have to throw up again. But when she arrived at the dinner table again, she felt she was dizzy. Congratulations. First, she was sick and now she was dizzy because she didn’t drink or eat enough today.

She caught Bobby’s concerned gaze as he was looking at her, before everything went black.

___

“Heyyy! Here we go. You with us again?” She felt something painful on her chest and after a few moments she realized it was someone performing sternal rub to bring her back around. (Y/N) grumbled something.

When she tried to sit up again, there was a firm hand on her shoulder that kept her laid down.

“Damn, let me sit up if I want to. I am fine.” But (Y/N) noticed on her own how hoarse she sounded from being sick.

The hand suddenly disappeared from her shoulder, but when (Y/N) sat up, the hand was back at her back to steady her and kept her from falling over. Finally, she managed to open her eyes and caught look on the brown-haired man – Eddie. Evan sat directly next to her.

“We are just going to check a few things, ok?” All (Y/N) did, was giving an acknowledging sound from her.

The next thing she felt was a pulse-oximeter being slipped on her index finger and a blood pressure cuff on the other arm. She winced when Eddie inflated it and it squeezed tightly around her arm, which made her eyes well up with tears.

She had never liked the BP reading. When she was a kid, she cried freely as it made her arm feel like needles were jabbing it.

“Sorry.” Eddie was quick to deflate the cuff again after noticing the tears in (Y/N)’s eyes but she just shook her head to show everything’s ok. “BP’s 108/70. We are going to give you something to raise it again.”

“No! Wait!” (Y/N) frantically said. “I… I…” She made a sign for Eddie to come near to her so she could whisper into his ear without anyone hearing it. “I am pregnant but no one can know yet. I didn’t tell anyone.”

“Okayyy… I think we should go somewhere more private.” (Y/N) nodded agreeing.

Despite the other’s confused looks, they made their way to the locker room. Once they were there, Eddie began talking again.

“Has this happened before?”

“Yes, I already was in hospital because of it but it is just this morning sickness. I can’t keep anything down and it makes me dehydrated.” When (Y/N) looked to her right, she could see Buck looking at them but he couldn’t hear anything, right? He wasn’t as near and it was quite loud upstairs.

“Mhm. I want to hook you up on an IV if that’s ok with you? I don’t want you to be as dehydrated as you are now and I figure you don’t want a trip to the ER?”

“Yes, if that is possible, please.”

Only a few seconds later, (Y/N) could see her dad storming into the locker room.

“Sweetheart, what happened?” He looked kind of mad but also worried.

“Ehm… It is complica…”

“She is dehydrated because she didn’t drink or eat enough. She just wants to be alone for a moment and I can give her an IV,” Eddie intervened. (Y/N) shot him a thankful gaze and a tiny smile. She liked Eddie. He was really kind. She couldn’t think of any of her friends, who would do that for her.

“Mhm. Ok. I am going to call Athena. She said she would be here earlier. I’ll come back later.”

Bobby disappeared as fast as he came into the room.

“Thanks. For not telling him.” Eddie smiled at her.

“It’s not on me. And I think there are going to be better circumstances for that talk. How far are you?”

“5 months.”

“Ah. May I ask…”, he hesitated for a moment. “Is it your late husband’s baby?”

“No.” You didn’t know for sure why you told him, but he kind of let you feel calm and safe. “We didn’t… you know… the time before he died. We argued a lot. Had a one-night stand just a few hours after he died.”

“You know the father? Were you able to call and tell him?” Eddie looked honestly interested while he put an IV bag out of the medkit.

(Y/N) shook her head before nodding.

“I haven’t seen him… until today.” Eddie looked shocked and raised his eyebrows.

“Today? Is he here? At the station?”

(Y/N) nodded guiltily and looked at the ground when she heard Eddie chuckle.

“Damn, tell me more. Who is it?”

“Buck.”

“Buck?” The firefighter looked even more shocked than before and you nodded again.

“I didn’t know his name we agreed to ‘no personal information’. Why would I know he worked at my dad’s workplace? God… when he will find out he is going to be so pissed.” Eddie shook his head.

“Nah, I don’t think so. He will understand. And hey. You don’t have to defend yourself.” She smiled at his kindness.

She watched as Eddie swabbed the alcohol pad over the back of her hand.

“I would recommend to close your eyes if you are not good with needles”, he suggested. But (Y/N) couldn’t. She needed to see what Eddie was doing, even though she wasn’t good with needles. When the firefighter pushed the needle in the back of her hand, she let out a small squeal.

“Told you to keep your eyes closed but you refused to listen.” She heard Eddie chuckle. “Do you have any other symptoms I should be worried about?”

“I have cramps”, she admitted.

“Lower belly?” (Y/N) nodded. Why couldn’t she just have been home. She would lie on the couch and relax, but instead she was here, being poked and prodded by a firefighter.

“Can I take a look?” She nodded again. Eddie pulled her shirt over her abdomen and pressed his palm on different spots. (Y/N) looked upstairs, and froze. Fuck. She forgot that Evan was still standing upstairs, looking at the locker room. Looking at her.

Her eyes widened. Why had she agreed to this? Why didn’t she insist on being ok and went home? Why was she so stupid? She wanted to slap herself for not thinking.

Eddie seemed to notice her sudden panic, the pulse-oximeter, which was still clipped to her finger, chirped in high pitched noises.

“Hey, hey. Look at me. Deep breaths. What’s up?”

“B… Buck.” The firefighter looked where she was pointing at and sucked in a deep breath.

“Ok. That’s ok. We’ll fix that, after we are finished here, ok? It’ll be ok. Don’t worry. Try to breathe with me, the baby won’t like you breathing like that.” Demonstrative, Eddie took some deep breaths. “Do you know the gender yet?”

(Y/N) could tell that Eddie was only trying to distract her but she played along.

“A… girl. It’s a girl. Again.” She laughed. Her breathing became slower, steadier.

“That’s great. You already told your kids?”

“Mhm.”

“How did they react? Are they happy?” Eddie grinned at her.

“Y… yes. They are. James was a bit d- disappointed at first. H- he hoped he would finally get a brother t- to play soccer with.” (Y/N) smiled. “But the g- girls were all over t-the moon.”

The brown-haired man, put an oxygen mask over her face, which she tried to pull off, but his hand was immediately back, to hold the mask in place.

“Let it on, please”, he said with a look at the pulse-oximeter which was still chirping. “It’ll make it easier to breathe for you.

(Y/N) nodded, even though she hated the feeling of the mask, which made her feel the opposite of ‘easier to breathe’.

“Can I have a listen to the baby’s heartbeat?” After he had seen (Y/N) nodded again, he took the stethoscope and pressed the diaphragm to her belly.

“Looks good so far. The heartbeat is a bit fast for my liking but it’s nothing too concerning, just take some deep breaths, ok?”

“Copy, Firefighter Diaz.” (Y/N) took some deep breaths.

Just a few seconds later, someone stormed into the locker room. Buck.

“You… you are pregnant?” Buck hoped that (Y/N) would tell him it wasn’t his. That it was her husband’s.

“Yes.” She was surprised that her voice didn’t sound as high and panicking as she thought it would. She was scared. Scared of Buck’s reaction, which became even more clear, as the pulse-oximeter started to chirp frantically again.

Eddie took a look and was surprised how high the shown numbers were.

“Deep breaths”, he commanded her. But she couldn’t.

“Who’s the dad? Is it mine? Or is there a tiny chance, that it is your husband’s?” Even though (Y/N) thought something like that would come out of Buck’s mouth, she felt disappointment deep in her. She hoped he would not sound as panicked as he was now.

“Your’s.” (Y/N) fell silent, holding her breath in anticipation of what Evan would say now.

“Oh… wow. I have to admit that is a shock. Why… why didn’t you tell me? I could have been there with you.”

“I didn’t have your number, your address, your workplace. Not even your name! I didn’t even know if you lived in LA or somewhere else! What should I have done?”

Eddie put the oxygen mask over her mouth and nose, that she just put off again, but she immediately put it back to the floor. She didn’t want to breathe in the oxygen. It made her feel lightheaded and nauseous and gave her a headache.

“(Y/N)! Damn, breathe properly now the baby’s not comfortable anymore. Buck, I think you should go now and let her breathe a bit without the stress, this conversation puts on her.”

“No, he won’t go now! Not until this conversation is finished!” (Y/N) glared at Eddie. She wasn’t sure if that were the pregnancy hormones speaking out of her which have made her a bit temperamental these last few months.

“What do you want to do now? Buck? Do you have a girlfriend? Do you want to be a part in the baby’s life? Do you want to be part in MY life? I need to know it.” She could feel tears welling up in her eyes. Definitely the hormones which made her act strange at the moment.

“I don’t know exactly what I want to do now. But I don’t have a girlfriend. And I want to be part of the baby’s life. I want to be their father…”

“Her. It’s a girlie. Again.” (Y/N) could see Evan smiling a bit.

“Ok. I want to be HER father and spend time with her. And I think I would like to try to go on a date… with you. If you think you are ready. I liked you the last time we met, even though that could be because I had been really drunk that night.” Buck laughed and blushed a bit.

“I think… I think we can give it a try. I don’t know if I am ready for everything. But I do know I am ready for something. And maybe that could be with you.”

“Ok… uhm… great. And now you should really try to breathe properly with that mask. I know it’s not great, but even I can recognize how high your vitals are.”

She did as she was told. (Y/N) knew she liked Buck. He was cute. She wouldn’t have imagined to see a man like him blushing when talking about a baby and dating.

“I’m nauseous.” Eddie and Buck both looked a bit worried.

“Deep breaths. I think it’s just the IV and oxygen. I put some meds in the IV that should help with the belly cramps, that could make you feel nauseous.”

(Y/N) only nodded. She suddenly felt exhausted. The adrenaline of the day started to wear of.

“I think I’m gonna drive the kids home and we are going to relax a bit while watching some tv. Thank you for everything.”

“Wait. Stop. I won’t let you drive home alone. You don’t feel good and I wouldn’t like to know you don’t have anyone with you except you kids.” She nodded again. Evan was right. It would be stupid to not have anyone around her.

“I can come with you. Just if that’s ok with you.”

“Yes. That would be great. Thanks.”

“No problem. Shall we take your car?”

“Mhm.” She was thankful. She could really imagine Buck as a boyfriend. He is great.

---

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Evan laughed. He, (Y/N) and Liv were sat on the couch, watching a firefighter show, (Y/N) and Liv had been addicted to in the last few weeks.

“It doesn’t matter! This show is great!” Liv and Evan discussed about the mistakes in the show since around 10 minutes and it made (Y/N) smile. It was like a real family. Even though it hurt her a bit that it wasn’t Henry, sitting here. But let’s be honest: Henry would have never watched a show like that.

“That doesn’t change the fact, that you don’t use the saw like that. It’s just not safe!”

“Then just do not pay attention to the details.” Now, it was Liv laughing. (Y/N) hasn’t seen her daughter that happy in the last few months. She tried to cover up her emotions but it didn’t work completely. Her eyes started to burn and she felt a pressure building up. No, she wasn’t going to cry. Not in front of Evan. Her daughter. No.

“I’ll go to toilet for a moment.” She hoped nobody would notice she was about to cry, but her voice gave it away. She sounded hoarse and her voice broke at some point.

She locked the bathroom door and sank down to the cold floor, where she curled up, leaning her back on the even colder wall. Her hand was rubbing circles over her swollen belly. Damn it.

(Y/N) knew she missed Henry. She knew her kids have missed him every second since his death. But she was scared. Scared that moving on with Evan would make her forget her late husband. She heard a gentle knock on the wooden bathroom door.

“May I come in?” Buck.

“Ok.” Her voice sounded hoarse. She attempted to brush the tears away but it really didn’t work. Her eyes were still read, as well as her cheeks.

She got up to unlock the door, for Buck to come in. After he stepped inside the room, he closed the door again. He sat down next to her, and (Y/N) leaned her head on his shoulder.

“What’s up?”, he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Nothing.” Evan shot her a look, that said more than a thousand words.

“This honestly doesn’t look like nothing.”

“I don’t want to forget Henry. And I am scared. I have never had a relationship before him. And I still have cramps. And I still don’t feel too good in general. And I am scared of giving birth alone. And I am scared of everything else in my life.” Buck looked at her with a concerned expression and immediately pulled her into a hug as (Y/N) began to cry again.

“Ok. So, we first go to hospital, because these cramps make me worried, and then we can figure everything else out, ok?” He pressed a sloppy kiss on (Y/N)’s forehead, and she nodded.

“Mhm. But you need to help me get up, the baby is in the way.”

[moonsaver]

Anon that said they wanted to put Sunday in a Petri dish here again thinking about him. I had this thought about him while eating an avocado egg breakfast bagel but that’s not the point. I lowkey feel like the most annoying thing he’d do to me imo is bother me when I eat. Not any of that kidnapping or coercion stuff but just him bugging me when I’m annoyed and hungry. I feel like he’d constantly wipe the corners of our mouth and tell us not to talk when chewing. Literally the worst. At some point he’d probably spoon feed us too if we didn’t listen to him. Maybe even put a cute apron on us and make me sit in his lap. I need him in a concerning way I’m chewing at the bars of my enclosure rn

Welcome back anon!

Tw: food and eating mentions, mannerisms regarding food.. basically about eating and that being controlled. Probably not good to read if you struggle with eating in some way. Take precaution!

Honestly.. yeah. I feel like more than half the time it's how strict he is with "propriety' that makes being kidnapped and held hostage by him the worst.

I personally would hate someone constantly picking on my mannerisms. It's your home for goodness sake!

Whenever you sit languidly at the dinner table he's always "advising" you to sit "properly" and with a straight back, fix your posture, fix your etiquette regarding your spoons and forks, constantly teaches you how to properly cut your food and eat it, the "proper" angle or whatever. Tries forcing a habit onto you of always placing a napkin on your lap and eating slowly with better precision and more attention. Always fidgeting and cleaning the corner of your mouth with his handkerchief to the point your skin gets irritated and sometimes burns from the constant rubbing.

Whenever you complain about his incessant need to "fix" you, he simply sighs and tells you "it's for your own good". If you keep complaining, his eyebrows slightly furrow and he sighs, shaking his head before getting up and sitting beside you, taking the cutlery from your hands and deciding to feed you instead. Although his intention was to simply enforce a good habit into you, he supposes reaping different rewards isn't so bad either.. he likes feeding you. It kind of becomes routine for you two. He says until you learn how to properly handle yourself, he'll take care of you. It's just a fancy excuse for him to continue feeding you.

Thankfully, when it comes to dietary restrictions, he's not completely bonkers about it like an almond mom. Just doesn't allow too much or too little of anything, it's a bit specific, but at least satisfactory.

About the apron thing.. yeah.

I imagine Sunday can cook those mild, flattery, rich people food so if you want to eat actual damn meals he either orders them, or has them prepared by a chef. However.. one day he sees you in an apron making something for yourself and something about it intrigues him. Seeing you in an apron and the domesticity of it kind of pulls something inside of him.

So there you have it – he's always (not so) subtly trying to push you to cook more just so he can see you in an apron. Buys the frilly kind, but if you don't like that.. fine. He'll get you some minimalistic ones, but he wants to see them on you. Gets cookbooks for you, too. Acts like the chef "is running late" just so you might cook, or says "the order's going to take some time" instead. Also lists off benefits of cooking for oneself. Doesn't mind if you don't cook for two, but does insist that he keeps feeding you. Tells you to stay in your apron because it's more convenient than putting a napkin on your lap, and tells you to move closer so he can properly feed you. He'll sigh, and massage his temple, saying "it's not enough, you need to come closer", and makes you sit in his lap while he feeds you. You swear he goes slower just to keep you there for longer.

At least.. he's been in a happier mood since. He does enjoy feeding you. Removes his silken white gloves just to do so. I imagine he also likes tying the apron for you himself. If he does it from behind, he kisses your nape after he's done. Or if he does it from the front, he pulls you closer with the strings of the apron, and kisses your forehead. Also insists on tying up your hair (if it's possible) as "they might get in the way". His excuses are getting old, but it's not like you can exactly deny him.

[weebsinstash]

consider; multiverse shenanigans with a spider!reader where they make some offhand comment about how their heat/rut is coming up soon and they'll need some volunteers to cover patrols while they're down and half the society is like 'o damn that sucks, yeah i can swing a tuesday' and the other half is like 'your WHAT is coming up???'

and it turns out that a decent chunk of the multiverse has no idea what a/b/o orientations even are and it somehow just got totally lost in translation until that very second that this was a thing. what do you mean omega???? what the fuck do you mean you just thought i was a really boring smelling beta?????????? y'all motherfuckers are SNIFFING PEOPLE?!?!?!?!

now consider a miguel that is not from an a/b/o verse hearing about this and doing a little research to figure out exactly what a heat/rut is and just getting sucked down a rabbit hole and going feral for the idea that you're going to be in a highly suggestible and vulnerable state for nearly a WEEK and he's going to miss it!!! he didn't get invited!!!! what the fuck!!! the man spends a solid 48 hrs immersed in really bad multiversal porn and comes out the other end hungover and weeping that he nearly missed out on this

so he takes it upon himself to do a little rearranging, some scheduling, some scheming, and lo and behold you find yourself stuck in this crappy half-built nest in nueva york with miguel, who has no real idea how he's supposed to actually perform for you while ur like this and is just making it up as he goes- and totally ignoring the cultural and consent issues he's digging up doing this bc its biology right? so its fine? people in ur universe do this all the time, he has no idea why ur complaining just let him help u out jeez-

Some rando Spiderperson intending to be transphobic: --and they want us to accept everyone as whatever they say they wanna be now, as if men can get pregnant!

Reader, without skipping a beat: what the actual fuck are you talking about, my father carried me and my siblings for 6 months

Miguel is just starting to know you and is actively trying to learn more about you and one day you just, I dunno, you two do a mission together and he gives you praise and you just look at him with a big smile 😊 and your ass straight up PURRS for a few moments and he's just like 🥺❤️ gatito... ❤️

The man sees you talking to Jess and Peter B one day and O'Hara is watching from a distance because he's, awkward and not sure how to approach you, and suddenly his super hearing can pick up someone in the room talking idly about you, or even explaining ABO stuff to another person. "Yeah, see em over there, holding Peter Bs kid? Those Omega always have nurturing instincts. It's cause they're wired to spit out tons of babies. They're the breeders. They even have natutal pheromones to calm down their mates and friends and children" and suddenly Miguel's ears are burning "youre tellin me my darling might wants lots of little babies running around? Fantastic."

Mexican/Irish and also Catholic Miguel who wants one of those STUPID HUGE families where people have at least 6 kids and it's like "oh a typical Omega pregnancy usually has at least two or three babies in one go and theyre shorter than normal human pregnancies huh? Interesting :)"

Some members of the Spider Society are like "why is Miguel kind of lowkey being a dick to me all the time now" oh well its very simple you see, Miguel read your file and found out you're an Alpha and you share this weird connection and also natural biological attraction to HIS lil honeybee and He Hates You Now. Fuck off out his house and don't let him see you talking to his baby or else

He gets really close to you one day, I mean like physically, or hey maybe emotionally too, and he's hugging you and he gets a whiff of your scent and it's something he can't even describe, something that has a carnal biological effect on his where he just wants to keep holding you and hearing your voice like a drug, like it's oxytocin on crack, and suddenly in true scientist fashion he's researching you, your universe, its history, its medicine, its culture.

Can't help but imagine a Miguel who goes full yandere and gives no fucks about doing what he wants for darling and splices his DNA with Alpha DNA so he can officially claim you as a mate, scenting, knotting, and everything. Lyla gives you instructions to meet him in a specific place and it turns out he's been experimenting on himself and he's deep in a rut and suddenly your knees are getting pushed into your chest and you're getting passionately knotted and filled up by a grunting growling purring Miguel who's leaving love bites and kisses all over your skin, just, his size alone would make him hard to get away from, you don't even need to add Alpha instincts and being able to track your pheromones on top of that 😳

Miguel "just let me 'help you as a friend'" O'Hara who tracked when your next heat was going to kick in and maybe even drugged you so it comes at a specific time and he makes it where the two of you are together or even trapped or something when it happens and, here he is, "oh just let me help you, isn't it hurting" but like. We all know it's because he wants to. Like could you even imagine he's, you know, using his fingers and he goes to remove his pants or free himself or whatever and you're just like "no I'll get pregnant" and he just kind of has a Microsoft error window in his brain because it's like. Oh you'll get almost DEFINITELY pregnant? Guaranteed? You're trying to tell the man you dont want to and instead at least internally he's like "promise? 👉👈"

[thedivineflowers]

HII!! My first time requesting so I feel a little silly, I love your works and as a former middle schooler I love thinking of these silly dudes as my brothers and I can imagine it really well through your writing and your humor is just like mine! In your parental terms fic I read Azul offer us a job at Mostro lounge and I honestly wanna know the daily activities and goofiness that happens on our work shifts😭 feel free to decline this I can’t wait for you deuces mom fic!<3🙈

Ofc ofc and I won't decline this masterpiece bb.

School night:

Clocking in at work:

When you clock in at work you gotta be early and then go to Azul's VIP room so you can tell him about the bitch who stole your test answers and eat your snack.

If you don't clock in at the right time you will be called and texted multiple times and hunted down by the twins who are just as worried about you as Azul.

When you're done with your snack you go change into your work uniform which is the dorm uniform but you have a lounge pin on your bowtie which has a tracker so Azul can keep an eye on you. And you also get your own version of Azul's coat because I know it's cold as fuck in that damn lounge.

Near beginning of shift:

If at any point you have to take a break not even one madol will be taken off your payment no matter how long your break is.

And ofc you goof off and you're allowed to be mean to the customers.

"Hey, I wanted clams not crabs!" A customer shouted at you. "AND I WANTED A SEA PONY, LIFE AINT FAIR." You shouted at the customer and threw a knife and fork on their plate.

You and Floyd are allowed to throw people out of the Lounge and you two mostly throw people out together.

You hold the person by their hands and Floyd holds them by their feet. You start swinging the person towards the opened lounge doors. "One..." You started "Two..." Floyd said "THREE!!" You both shouted at the same time and threw the ex customer out and closed the door with a satisfied sigh.

And sometimes if you can or want to Azul would host shows for you to entertain the audience and get more Madol 😈😈😈. And to make the school fear you. 🧍‍♂️

Middle of shift:

At this time you get a thirty minute break. You mostly get your breaks with the twins so they mostly take you to go feed the sea animals and try to help you with your homework if you have any. Or if you have nothing to do you go bother the other workers and scare them. More than half of them bitches are scared of your feral ass so you just gotta do some oogly boogly shit and theyll be saying sorry.

When your break ends you have to go back to work. But you are left in charge of the lounge when Jade and Floyd have to go observe a deal with Azul. So you mostly have customers complain to you while the twins are away and you get this time to mess with them if it's something stupid.

And most of the time is stuff about how they did not like the food when they just wanted to not pay for their food. They say this while they're paying and then demand a whole ass refund so you go into the secret monopoly money stash and give it to them saying it's limited edition madol. 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️

And sometimes Azul himself will come in to see how things are doing and will chat with the guests but he's just watching and making sure that you're alright and don't need a break cause dawg you're a fucking kid working a whole ass job trying to get paid more than what Crowley gives you and you got all this stuff to do bro you couldn't even enjoy being a kid anymore when you first met the old ass man😔 😒.

Near the end of the shift:

At this time it's when the lounge starts closing up and people start leaving and this means extra money and coins to snatch 😈😈. You find about 500 madol lying around throughout the lounge and Azul says you can keep it most of the time.

And around this time Azul has you eat your dinner and calm down after working and you change out of your uniform right when the clock hits 9 (idfk so ima take a guess and say nine through ten at night). And when Azul makes sure your homework is completed and correct you'd be allowed to do whatever.

And sometimes it's too late to be walking out by yourself so Azul and the twins have you sleep in your own dorm room over there and if Grims with you he has his own bed and blankets next to yours. (It was demanded that the cat gets a bed by you or else you'd go bat shit around Azul's office. 🧍‍♂️) and you have your own matching pajama set that's similar to Azul so after you're done getting ready for bed you'd go in Azul's office sometimes to keep him company and drag him to his room because his eyebags look this close to being able to hold a whole fucking Walmart.

Weekend:

Clocking in:

It's morning time and you're ass is waking up at fucking 10 in the morning because you slept at 4 and almost pulled an all nighter.

You have to go to Azul's office when you wake up or else Azul will give you the day off to sleep and gaggle around.

And when you finish eating your breakfast and waking up you get to change into your uniform and choose what you want to do, paper work, keeping Azul company, or working with the twins.

You still get paid so 💃.

But sometimes Azul will have you turn into a merfolk by drinking a potion and you get to swim around the aquarium and spook the customers.

Middle of shift:

You get your break and your lunch to eat and it's free because you were able to say hello to Lucious the other day during the animal speech class.

And after that you get to do whatever you want or you could go and observe one of Azul's contract agreements thingies with the twins.

And if they try to like swing at Azul you get to go batshit and drag them outside while Azul cleans up his office for his next contract.

Near end of shift:

This time it's a little later which is 10 at night and you all clean up yiddy yadda but you get more extra change because you performed earlier.

Then you get to change out of your uniform once Azul tells you and you immediately have to take a shower then get ready for bed because you don't know when you're gonna sleep.

And obviously have no homework (🤮🤮 EEWWWWW) so you get stay up worh Azul and the twins watching national geographic, cooking shows, extreme cheapskates, boxing matches or basketball games. One of those. And you all end up sleeping on the couch in your room where the TV is (you're fucking spoiled) and sometimes you all would just sit around and gossip but no one knows what goes on in your room but the lights are always on until morning 😨. So far Floyd has taught you how to give a hug bigger than his 🤗. You've sent three people to the infirmary in less than two hours in school.

You obviously stay over because no one wants to go out that fucking late unless you're getting paid to go and rock someones shit 😒.

YEYEYEYEYEYEYYEY

I LOVE THOS SM JWHWBWJWJWJWM

Anyways I hope you like it. I know i was like kinda late I'm still working on the other ones so def look forward to those 😘😘😘

[richonnesbitch]

No no no don’t get me started on the later TWD seasons. Everybody knows the show had already taken a dip in quality by that time (nobody was here for all that damn leaning and monologuing… And suffering through 2 seasons of it for it to not even end in a death… I need them to bffr. But the new dip in quality post bridge was lethal.

There were so many things wrong! Obviously it was already a problem before but my god, there were too many damn scenes in the dark. You couldn’t even see half the stuff that was happening. They kept introducing new characters instead of building the ones that were already there! By the end of it you barely knew or cared for most of them?! Like, the head on the spikes thing did not hit. Half the people it was like.. who dis??? And the other half it was like.. ok?! Sure, I’m sorry *for* Carol; losing another child, I’m sorry *for* Ezekiel. But *I*’m not really feeling any type of way about Henri dying. And there was Tara. I’m not saying it endeared Alpha to me but… I was not mourning either 🙃 The way they had everybody treat Lydia (ex-Whisperer) as if the people complaining were not themselves former Saviors or didn’t roll up to the prison with the Governor, Tara. The whole Negan redemption arc, period! And that redemption happening partially through his relationship with Judith! And Lydia too. And having him on some kind of „I would never and did not hurt kids“ bs. Ikyfl. And and and. But the worst offence to me was definitely how everybody was treating Michonne! Catch these hands!!! The way they gave her no grace and leeway after Rick’s death! Having to go through a pregnancy alone! Jocelyn! Meanwhile Maggie did a lot of similar things or even worse but nobody batted an eye. But everybody is mad at Michonne. The f#cking charter. To this day, I will celebrate Tara’s death because of the charter, idc idc. Stealing the charter -write your own if it’s so important???!- because it’s collecting dust in Alexandria just so you could (checks notes) let it collect dust at the Hilltop? And then Michonne isn’t even one of the people signing it??? And don’t even let me get into the torture p0rn that was Scars… And I actually need to stop here because I’m getting heated fr fr 😤

You said it perfectly! Keep on ranting all you want. I'm totally agreeing so far.

[idontplaytrack]

MY CHARMED ONE [9]

Capri Donahue x Harper Sibling!fem reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, hospital mentions, coarse language

In which Capri goes to PT for her injury. And then she tries to do schoolwork while on meds. Reader goes a little crazy having to deal with her antics while Capri makes a revelation.

“Oh, hi, baby!” Capri didn’t know you were going to be at her house so she was thrilled to see you. Thrilled.

“Is she-”

“Oh, yeah.” Her Mom nodded knowingly.

“Guess schoolwork will have to wait.” You held back a laugh.

“Okay, will you be good and not give y/n a hard time having to deal with your high ass? I’ve got to go back to work.” Her Mom sat her down on the couch to be with you.

“Okay, fine.” She pouted, “Bye-bye.”

“Bye, Capri.” Her Mom smiled, “If anything happens- call me. Also, if you need anything from the store, let me know so I can pick them up on my way home tonight.”

“Okayyyy.” Capri said back.

“Bye, y/n.”

“Bye, Trina.” You waved to her Mom. Yeah, she kinda had you start calling her by her first name recently, thinking that ‘Mrs. Donahue’ was way too formal.

“At least she doesn’t sing Chicago.” Capri quips absentmindedly.

“What?” You mumbled.

“It’s a joke.” She giggles, “Trina Vega?”

“Oh.” You chuckled when you finally got her joke.

“Yeah.” She nodded, “What time- what time did you get here?”

“I dunno. An hour ago?”

“Oh, that’s so long.” Capri glares at you. Well, her eyes were widened, so there’s that. “No, babe. It was okay. Did you want something to eat? It’s just about lunchtime.”

“Can we get burgers?”

“Uh, sure. I’m sure we can find someplace that delivers.”

“Can you make ‘em?” She requested.

“Me?” You asked her, bewildered.

“Yeah, you. You can cook. We have everything you need.” She nodded excitedly.

“Okay, okay. I’ll make us burgers for lunch.” You gave in, throwing your hands up in mock defeat. You got up to go to the kitchen. And told her to stay put, but she hobbles over there to join you anyway.

“Capri, I told you-”

“I’m boreeeeed.” She complains. You laugh, “Okay, just- sit down. Please. You can’t put weight on that leg yet.”

“Okay, fine. I’m sitting.” She huffs, pouting, sitting herself down at the dining table.

“Well? Talk to me, then. Since you’re bored?” You suggested, getting a pack of ground beef out from her fridge to start preparing the meal.

Capri then proceeded to talk to you about anything and everything that came to her mind. You loved this side of her that didn’t show unless she was alone with you. That was for you only.

“You look so hot.” She said out of the blue.

You scoffed, brushing her comment of while constructing the burgers, “Do you want cheese on yours?”

“Yeah.” She nodded, “Maybe some lettuce. Just lettuce, though.”

“Alright.” You shrugged, got that done and handed her the plate.

————

“You haven’t done any schoolwork for the past three days? Capri, god. We’re graduating this year- that’s not gonna help.” You put down your half-eaten burger.

“I was caught up until three days ago. I got pissed off over nothing because I started my period. But hey, I feel better now so I’ll get back to it tomorrow.”

“Today.” You said.

“Alright, fine.” Capri threw her hands up in mock defeat. She then grabbed her can of soda and tried to open it with one hand. Obviously, she couldn’t but she still didn’t want to ask you for help.

“Need some help?” You ask.

She sulks, “Yeah. God, I hate this.”

“You’re okay- I got you.” You smiled, handing her the can back then you resumed eating your burger, “It’s been what, 9 days? Take it easy, babe. Enjoy having other people help you do stuff.”

Capri snorts, taking a sip of her beverage, “I think you’re enjoying me being high on pain meds too much.”

“Hey, I have not said that.” You gasped, “Every time I come over, you’re the one giving me a surprise with this whole golden retriever energy.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She guffaws, “I really- I really act that different? Damn.”

“You can’t tell, but yeah.” You told her, pushing your now empty plate aside.

“Eh, whatever.” She shrugs, “This is great. You may be an even better cook than my Mom, baby.”

“Aren’t you sweet?” You chuckled, “Thanks, babe.”

“So I’ve been told.” She beamed brightly, taking the last bite of her food.

“Is it?” You teased.

“Yeah, by you.” She glares at you, eyebrows raised for a second. You could not take her seriously like that. Anyway, after you washed the dishes, you decided to help Capri with her schoolwork. The result? You found out the limit of your patience. And it was not very high. “Capri, come on. You know this. You tutored me on this when I was out of school that week.”

“I can’t.” She answers in a singsongy tone, “I tried. I’m still fucking high right now, baby.” Capri rests her chin on folded arms, doodling on the paper with a pencil. She had a point. Maybe schoolwork wasn’t a priority right now since she couldn’t focus at all. It’s not like she was severely behind on the work.

“Are you okay?” You scooted closer to her, shutting the school books and stacking them together.

“I’m high.” She stated, still doodling. “I can’t do anything while I’m high, because I don’t remember a single thing I learnt in school.”

Next thing you knew, she was on the verge of tears. These damn pills and their side effects.

“Capri. Everything’s okay, don’t worry.” You rubbed her arm comfortingly.

“I know, I just feel like shit because of the meds sometimes- like why do they do that?” Capri huffs, “Can I tell you something?”

“Yeah, honey - anything.”

“Sometimes…I feel like I’m not good enough for you?” She reveals, “Like- I dunno, I was mean for so long, almost died and expected people to help me just ‘cause? How I even got you as my girlfriend keeps me awake at night sometimes because I really just…got lucky. You’re so nice, so smart. And even when I was a bitch to Darby.”

“Capri, I don’t care about the past. You’ve changed a lot in such a short period of time - for the better and I’m so proud of you for that. The Capri I got to know has been sweet all along. You were just a kid being a little shit sometimes- though as a kid myself some years ago, that hurt. You gave my box of Barbies terrible haircuts, so what? But I don’t play with them anymore, that doesn’t bother me anymore. You made up with Darby, things are okay again. Because life moves fast and things change. I’ve got other things to focus on. We all do. And right now, things might suck a bit because you’re injured, and you’ve got every right to be upset. But move forward from that. Life’s too short, baby.”

Capri looks at you with glossy eyes, her chin still rested on her folded arms. She pushes the piece of paper towards you. There was a bunch of hearts on it.

You smiled, “You see? This. This is what I love- the little things you do for me. Remembering what I love to order at different places, my favourite snacks, candies, writing me little notes on the mirror when I shower, you watching my favourite shows with me. The daily mundane things. You know me, Capri- so well and we haven’t even been together that long. And I am just so in love with you, Capri. You’re perfect the way you are and perfect for me. I don’t care how many bad days you have, I’ll be right there with you no matter what.”

A small smile tugs at the corner of her lips, “I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.” Your smile mirrors hers.

“Will you cuddle with me?” She asks quietly. You agreed in a heartbeat, leading her over to the couch. You helped her sit down carefully before you sat down yourself. Wrapping your arms around her, she lays her head on your chest, cautiously manoeuvring her legs to be fully on the couch. Absentmindedly, you were tracing random shapes on her arm with your fingers as you simply enjoyed her company.

“I think Charmed’s on now, you wanna watch?” Capri broke the silence quickly. You looked down at her and grinned, “You know that?”

She puckers up her lips for a kiss which you gladly gave her, “I remember.”

[art-of-mathematics]

i need to rant again (sorry in advance).

I feel very sad right now.

As I concretized what aspects I suffer under the most: it is primarily isolation and having nothing to do all day.

so i searched for volunteering opportunities.

(i want to volunteer) but seeing the offers for volunteering work almost being entirely a social volunteering activity made me very sad and frustrated.

and although i find that things like soup kitchen for homeless people are important and i value them - i do not know how i could integrate myself in there to do any activity where i would not just be entirely overchallenged by all social interactions stuffs. while also being bored of the tasks one could do here.

I searched further for any regular or any activities for autistic people or people with huge social inabilities- and it makes me so sad and angry... finding just the few scarce options i have also heard of already- occupational therapy, "work" therapy (which is very similar to occupational therapy), and then thats it for regular options.

for less regular options there is also very few options...

for volunteering work one also needs to be merely self-organized. and damn...

i just wish i had a job that i at least enjoy half of the tasks to do - and anything to do.

i hate being in this shitass huge city and having the same options as someone living in a damn tiny village... or forest.

//sarcastic: in a forest there might even be more options for me to engage with my environment than in this shitasshuge city of additional sensory torture...

it makes me so sad.

it feels futile.

like literally. the isolation and having nothing non-pointless to do make overcoming the shitty trauma far more difficult.

What can I do?

Talking with myself is an option I find even more depressing than just talking to no one for days.

its not even that i slightly like the isolation.

i hate it. i dread it! i prefer to live with some people in a shared flat. but this isolation chamber. i cannot take it.

but i mean: i am extremely privileged for living on my own, renting an apartment solely for myself. But I do not want to live for myself. It is isolating, debilitaing so. In a shared apartment there at least happens social interaction randomly, and I could even do the tasks I do already and would help someone with what i do. But this way its depressingly futile and lifeless.

I feel useless and like a damn burden.

This apartment I am living in is like the final storage facility of radiocative substances: its far away from any engagement places, on a mountain on the outermost edge of the city, with the only function to store and isolate the trash for many years and decades so it will finally fall apart one day, and does not annoy anyone with its existence.

damn. i feel so sad. i have very huge trouble sleeping since a week. i am tired. i am exhausted. breathing shallowly. cant focus. just mind fog. just shittt

am tired but cant sleep

can only complain.

i hate this futile attempt to "pull myself up by my own bootstraps". it is not only seriously energy-consuming, but also futile. But what else can i do?

fuck it. i am tired. yet cant sleep.

and dat thought circle now repeats itself 1000 times until i either get so angry or stressed that whatever might happen - or i might be able to navigate my fucked up mind into a different semi-disturbing thought topic.

i am tired.

yes, you are tired? tell me more about it. does it feel as if u got bread as brain?

yeah. totally. the bread is crumbling.

and what do we want to do with the crumbs now?

perhaps collect da crumbs, put it in a bowl (but not a holebowl) and then insert a liquid and stomp it very hard multiple times until it becomes dough again.

yay. we bake a tiny new brain bread now, dont we?

yeas, we do.

at least in our imagination it is that easy to get into a slightly better mental space - for few minutes - but that is a topic for another chapter.

no seriously. i have to come up with this kind of nonsense all the time because if i confuse myself with this kind of silly nonsense the shitty thoughts, feeling and memories get swirled around - and then they are less painful.

swirling the awful brain crumbs makes them feel as if they are disappeared - but only for the moment when i swirl the shit around. if the brain crumbsmsettle again it all starts to be unbearable again.

seriously this is exhausting. and why? damn why do i have to do this?

arent there more helpful/functional ways to deal with it?

if someone of you humans reading this knows a realitistic other functional compensation method, please feel free to tell me.

I am "am Ende meines Lateins" as that German saying goes. I have approached the end of having clues/ideas. Perhaps I have to accept I approached the invitable: the last station to Burnout and Boreout all at once!

the ring of running in a hamster wheel closes itself as the hamster approached light speed and time began to stand still.

as time stood still, all that was existent was the dead hamsters haunting memories,

still haunting him after he already succesfully died in one of his recursive nightmares.

but uhh. recursive nightmares are of a special kind... i assure you... but dont be sure about anything, thats for sure...

.. and that, my dear human beans, that is true irony.

legendary.

at least i can laugh about it - somehow. anyhow. whatever.

[coro-chan6]

Somehow Supernatural

Tags: teen!oc, gn!oc, poc!oc, Dean being Dean, weird dreams, CROWLEY, demon dogs, Dean being scared of said demon dogs

Summary: Casey goes to bed, has weird dreams, and gets to meet the King of Hell.

Chapter Three: Yummy Food and Weird Shit

I will never deny that I was a foodie. I mean, if you saw me when I devour anything put in front of me, you wouldn’t even have to ask. I love everything about food. Sometimes I mix stuff together that other people think is weird like when I dip my waffles and pancakes in orange juice. I used to be the kid in elementary school who would mix everyone’s leftover lunches together and actually go through with eating it.

One thing I learned from all my years of eating is that post-panic attack meals are the best. After crying half my weight in water and depriving my brain of oxygen, food just hits different. Plus, Dean brought back chicken nuggets.

“Slow down, you’ll choke,” Dean said as he reached his hand to take my nuggies away. I obviously wasn’t gonna just let him do that so, I smacked the shit out of his hand. I didn’t think I put that much power into it but when I heard the smack echo, I knew.

“Mmfh,” I was trying to apologize before he kicked me out on my ass, but my mouth was full of about 4 chicken nuggets. Dean glared at me and went back to eating his double bacon cheeseburger.

Sam had come to sit down across from Dean and me after he had finished preparing his salad. Dean asked if his brother wanted anything from the restaurant, but Sam insisted on eating salad. I love salad as much as anyone, but when someone offers to buy you fast food, you fucking take it. Salad be damned.

Castiel was seated next to Sam opposite of me. He didn’t need to eat, so he was just reading the menu that had come with the fast food. Occasionally, he would look up from his reading to glance at me. It didn’t look threatening, but it did look like he had something to say.

“So,” I had finally swallowed down the colossal amount of chicken I stuffed down my face, “When are we going to go on a hunt?”

“We?” Dean quirked his eyebrow at me.

“Yes, we, Dean. I might as well since I’m here. What else am I supposed to do?”

Dean crumbled up the empty wrapper of his meal, “Nothing.”

“Sam?” I turned to the younger Winchester. He had been really nice to me. He wouldn’t agree with Dean.

“I agree with Dean.”

Well fuck.

So, basically, I was in this new universe and I couldn’t do jack shit but sit underground. That was so unfair! They should at least take me once, but from their faces, it didn’t look like they were gonna change their minds.

What did they even have to do in the bunker? I know they have alcohol. Too much alcohol, in fact, but even if I was of age, I’m not really interested. They also have a library full of hunter books. I know that sounds cool and I shouldn’t be complaining, but who would want to read books about these cool ass monsters if you could see them in person? Not me, that’s for sure.

“They should go on a hunt,” Castiel stated, not taking his eyes off his menu. How was that so interesting to him?

…wait.

“Did you just say I could go?!” I squealed.

“Did you just say they could go?!” The brothers yelled in unison.

“They can go with me,” Castiel said finally putting his menu down, “They won’t be harmed.”

I ran over to the other side of the table to tackle Castiel in a hug because I was so happy. Fried nerves be damned. He kind of froze for a second before awkwardly patting my back. Sam and Dean were still trying to get the angel to not bring me, but he didn’t budge.

“Who would watch them if we’re all gone? They’re a child, they need protection.”

Dean scoffed at that like it wasn’t kind of true before he stood from the table and stalked off. Presumably to his room. Sam shook his head in disbelief before he retired as well. 

Soon, Castiel and I were the only ones left at the table. I was still eating my fries and Castiel was staring at me. It would have been creepy if it had been anyone besides him, but he had this innocence about him that didn’t make him all that scary. Even though he was the only one here with powers strong enough to do God-knows-what, he didn’t make me feel frightened at all.

“Casey,” I perked up, “you should get some sleep. It’s late.”

I wasn’t sure how late it was because we were underground and I never asked, but now that Castiel brought up the subject of sleep, it made me yawn. I didn’t even register I was tired. It felt like it’d been so long since I last slept. I wasn’t sure if that was because of my eventful day or because it really had been that long.

I got up from the table and waved Castiel goodnight. I was halfway down the hallway before I realized that I didn’t know where I was going to sleep. No one had given me a room or anything. 

I wonder where my body was staying before I got here.

Not wanting to bother anyone, I slinked over to the couch I had sat on earlier and laid down. The couch had a blanket that was thick enough and a couple of pillows that weren’t too uncomfortable.

The thing that made me so uneasy was the fact that it was out in the open. The couch sat against one of the walls of the library. I never did well with new sleeping spaces, but when those sleeping spaces were so big and dark that you weren’t sure what was hiding in there… I did not like it. Plus, I couldn’t watch YouTube before bed. 

I’m not sure how, but I eventually went to sleep. I ended up in another void. This time I couldn’t see all my thoughts as words. This time I could see my mom. She was in the kitchen chopping vegetables. There was nothing on the stove and there was nothing in front of her to put the vegetables in. The only thing on the entire counter was the chopping board and the single carrot she was chopping. I wanted to know what she was doing and I tried to ask, but my mouth wouldn’t move. She looked me right in my eyes before she disappeared.

Next, I saw my dad. He was in the garage sitting on his motorcycle. The engine wasn’t running and the garage wasn’t even open, but my dad had all his gear on like he was gonna take off at any second. He wasn’t wearing his helmet though. I was standing in the doorway that lead from the house to the garage. My dad was facing in the other direction. He looked frozen in time. I couldn’t even see his body shift from breathing. It was like he was paused. I tried to walk up to him to tap him on the shoulder, but - again - I couldn’t move. My dad finally turned his face to me. Blood dripped from his mouth. Then, he disappeared too.

I saw my older brother out on the front porch. He was sitting in the gray chair that was facing me yet, I couldn’t see his face. His neck… his neck somehow had his head on backward. His fingers still typed at the computer on his lap even though he couldn’t see it. I didn’t try to move this time, but my brother did. One of his hands lifted off of the keyboard to point at something behind me. Then, he disappeared.

My little brother was next. He was in the basement playing on his gaming setup. Well, at least he was sitting at his gaming setup. His arms were at his sides and he was staring at a blank screen. I was standing directly behind him. I wanted to run. I didn’t want to see this creepy shit anymore, but I was stuck in place. I had to watch my little brother melt into a pile of flesh in his chair.

I didn’t like this dream. No matter how hard I tried to wake up, I couldn’t. I was stuck. Stuck watching some creepy version of my family from afar. I wished that I could hear Dean’s voice again. I wished he would wake me up by shaking my arms like he did before, but his voice never came. No one ever came. This wasn’t me feeling like a failure that didn’t deserve to be saved. I wanted to be saved. I needed to be saved.

“Save me!” A voice echoed through my head that I’d never heard before. I never heard this voice before, but I felt linked to them somehow. I wanted to reach out and save them like I wanted someone to save me. For the first time since my dream started, my body moved. I reached my hand out for this voice. I swear I felt them reach back.

~~~

“Fuck!” I woke up sitting straight up on the couch I fell asleep on. My hand was outstretched like I was reaching for… something? Someone. Who was I reaching for? 

My blanket and pillows had fallen to the floor which wasn’t a surprise to me. Even when I wasn’t having creepy ass weird ass dreams, I was still a wild sleeper. What the fuck was that dream about anyway? I liked to believe that all dreams mean something, but I didn’t understand that one. Or maybe I was too scared to want to understand it. I’d come back to it later.

Right now, I was more concerned with the man sitting in the library. He looked concerningly like the King of Hell.

“Hello… new child,” Crowley said in his british accent. He was casually sipping on some of Sam and Dean’s alcohol stash. I felt underdressed even though I was wearing the same shit since I got here. It wasn’t half bad, but I kinda wanted to meet Crowley looking like myself. Or at least with my own dressing style and not this cringe shit. He was one of my favorite characters after all.

“How long have you been there?” I asked, slowly placing my feet flat on the floor. 

“Not that long,” he shrugged.

I got up and walked toward him. I know he’s the King of Hell and all that jazz, but I really wanted to shake his hand. He didn’t look like he wanted to hurt me. He actually looked kind of curious.

I offered him my hand, “I’m Casey. Nice to meet the King of Hell face to face.”

Crowly smirked and shook my hand, “You know who I am and you think it’s nice to meet me. I’m surprised the Winchesters haven’t told you-”

“Get away from him!” Sam shouted as he practically slid into the room. It seemed like he rushed in here so fast he forgot to put a shirt on. He was only wearing his blue-patterned pajama pants. I looked at him with a ‘what the fuck’ face before turning back to Crowley. I know Sam was trying to look after me and shit, but he was not gonna make me walk away from the motherfucking King of Hell.

“I have so many questions if you don’t mind,” I told Crowley as I sat next to him. Sam let out a sound of protest, “What do the demon dogs look like? I know the whole thing is not seeing them, but I’ve always been curious. Also, what’s your favorite task to do as the King of Hell? Do you enjoy torture or do you only do it because you have to? Are other demons dumb cause how do they get killed by Sam and Dean so easily? Do you have wings-”

“You have to give me time to answer, you know,” I snapped my mouth closed, “For your first question… I could bring the demon dogs here if you’d like.”

“Yes!” I squealed.

“No!” yelled Sam.

Crowley brought out the summoning whistle from his jacket pocket. Sam looked like he was about to pass out, but he somehow managed to stay upright. I sorta forgot that Sam had trauma from the demon dogs. They killed his brother in what? Season 3?

I didn’t think Crowley was actually gonna go through with it, but he blew the whistle. I guess if the dogs don’t have orders to kill anyone, they won’t… hopefully.

“How can you tell when they’re here-”

I was cut off but something warm and wet wiping up my face. I let out a yelp of surprise before I realized it was most likely the dogs. I cautiously reached my arms out to feel for its body. My hands connected with soft fur. The dog or dogs - I felt multiple tongues licking at my face - were pretty big by the feel of it. Maybe the size of a pony? They were muscly as hell though.

“How many did you call?” I asked Crowley.

“Just one. They have multiple heads. You can ask Dean about that.” 

Sam gave the demon a glare for his assholish comment before he spoke up, “Why the hell are you here, Crowley?”

“Well,” Crowley looked back at me. I bet it looked like I was petting air, “I came here to see them.”

Sam was confused. I was confused. Why the hell did the King of Hell have business with me? Even though I had no idea what Crowley wanted with me and whether or not I was in danger, I kept petting the demon dog. I didn’t know when I was gonna have the opportunity to do this again.

“You’re not taking them,” Sam said, pulling an angel knife from his ass.

“I’m not taking them. Calm down, moose,” Crowley finally stood up from his chair, “I just wish to talk with them.”

“I don’t see why not,” I pipped in.

“He’s the fricken King of Hell!” Sam yelled like ruling the underworld was a crime.

“And?” I replied.

“And you're not talking to him!”

“Well, last time I checked, you weren’t the fucking boss of me, dude.” I stood up from petting the demon dog and gave Sam a glare. I was getting fed up with Sam telling me what to do. First, he told me he didn’t want me going on hunts, and now this? I hadn’t even known him for a full 24 hours!

“You’re a child, Casey! No!” 

“I’m not your fucking child, Sam, so buzz the fuck off!”

The demon dog started barking really loud after I said that. The air stilled. Crowley was smirking throughout Sam and I’s whole argument, but now his face was filled with genuine surprise. Sam looked scarily angry.

“You lied,” Sam stated. The angel knife that was once pointed at Crowley was now pointed at me, “You are some kind of monster.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I said, breathless. Fear shot up my spine.

“Your eyes… they turned red.”

AN: Crowley's one of my favorite characters and in later chapters sometimes he just comes back for not reason other than I like him. I know I do shit on Dean, but like, I still like him. He's just not my favorite out of the trio. And yes, superpowered OC. Gotta love it.

[dissociacrip]

one of my managers makes me want to slam my head into a wall btw

how are you gonna tell me "we need to work as a team" when you sit there in the office & chat with whatever other employee while i'm busting ass washing dishes at 12am when we explicitly had a meeting about helping each other during closing

how are you gonna tell me people are complaining about the breaks i take (sitting down bc i have health problems) when you'll go outside and vape and socialize and half the kitchen goes out to smoke weed for like 30 minutes damn near every day

i went to go help my co-worker take out trash so we could get dishes out of the way faster & when i get back she asks me why i'm "wandering around"

i hate managers like this who see almost everything i'm doing as wrong & never see how hard i'm working in comparison to the people around me because it takes me 80x the effort just to be standing & i hate shit being dirty and disorganized so i'm always cleaning & fixing stuff that my co-workers never bother to

it makes me feel like they're interpreting every single i do in the worst faith possible & that's something highly wrapped up in my trauma, it makes me feel like i'm gonna burst a blood vessel

[solmints-messyocdiary]

Tw: Animal death, suicide mention, blood, gore, torture mention, violent ideas

[Mismatched excerpts ripped off from Finley's Journal. The dates have been scribbled away with a black pen.]

It feels weird writing on a journal. Like something a teenager might do instead of a grown ass man who works from 9 to 5.

But I needed to destress and let it out on some pages after talking with my mother on the phone. I hate hearing her shrill voice on the other side of the receiver. The only thing she can do is complain and complain and complain about the same thing over and over again. I don't want to see that man either... I hate him more than her.

I can't handle her and to think I have to go and visit them on Thanksgiving and Christmas I feel like I am going to lose my damn head.

At least I can let things out and still practice my writing if needed, so that's a plus. I haven't had much time to update my book, and that's making me a bit sad. Hopefully, I'll be able to write a bit.

Might treat myself and go the diner to get some choco pancakes and a milkshake. Those will surely cheer me up.

Really want pancakes and milkshakes...

-

The longer I stay on this damn job, the more I feel like I am going to lose myself. I've been spacing out every 5 minutes whenever someone talks to me. It's hard. (Hehe)

I had to stay 2 more hours overtime, no pay for my hard work the 3rd time this week. I had to wake up earlier, too. I arrived around 8 instead of 9 because the computers were acting up at my workplace and needed me, the IT guy, to fix them.

Not to mention, the printer too... If I have to fistfight the printer again, or hear any of my coworkers complain, particularly Brandon, I am going to strangle them. I am really going to snap!!!

I wish their heads would just explode into a bloody mess. Just Carrie them off with my mind powers whenever I feel annoyed of them. They surely deserve that, particularly Brandon and my boss. Fuck those two. The world would be better if they didn't exists. We don't need red flags walking around the office... only me! Haha!

-

I promised myself to do it again, but alas, old habits die hard as the saying goes.

Went to the beach for a dip and found a baby bird on the sand. Ants surrounding its small body and biting pieces away to bring it to their lair. Lucky for me, I always have my camera with me. Never the one to miss a chance.

I guess I should be sad but that's how nature is.

Cruel.

I wonder how others would react if they saw my ant-bitten corpse...

-

Finished rewatching Scream 2 and...

Damn... Why is Mickey kinda...?

Like... you know? If I was a girl I'd be into him and have his poster hanging over my bedroom wall haha.

Still angry at Scream 2 for killing Randy, tho. He was my favorite.

Rented Carrie, Slaughter High, Graduation, Prom Night, for tonight. Felt a bit nostalgic for some reason. Getting shoved in a locker every tuesday really does something to a guy. Going to have a nice movie night with myself while I think of my high school times.

Totally good for my mental stability, yup!

-

I wonder how my old high school friends have been doing...

Do they remember me with disdain? Are they happy with their life? More successful? Managed to marry a nice gal or guy and have many kids together? A stable job and nice suburban house?

...

Fuck them.

-

Death still scares me.

I thought that if I forced myself to witness the worst of the worst. Every torture imaginable, researching hours and hours and hours of how a body decays, how long does it take for it to rot, shrink, turn into dust.

Live footages of people getting decapitated, stabbed, run over, split in half, drowned, squashed to death, gutted, burned alive, choked, flayed.

I'd grow out of it.

It's not that hard to look for stuff like that as long as you know where to find it and you're patient.

Will I ever be able to look at their loved ones in their eyes. Admit that I saw the last moments of their brother, mother, a cousin? The light leaving their eyes?

I thought I've become numb enough to just stare attentively, not blinking for a second.

People I know will die one day. Complete strangers, lives of theirs I will never know, are dying as I write this.

And yet, I remain wide awake. Imagining how it'll feel for my body to reach nothingness. The maggots feasting on my insides, eating away little by little. Gourging themselves on the bile and flesh and pus from my organs till they become fat, squirmy little bugs. Eating, mating, dying, rinse and repeat over and over and over again.

My skin itches thinking of it. Like they have already managed to crawl deep inside.

Even a death as boring and not spectacular like an illness terrifies me.

-

How long do I have left? Have I wasted my life? Is it too late for me?

When will I die...

-

I miss my friends from high school... some of them I've forgotten their names...

I sometimes think about Chelsea. No, I am always thinking about her...

If I contact her... will she ever forgive me?

It's too late to cry over spilt milk.

-

Seems I've been thinking about death a lot lately.

I went to go see a movie to try and fend of the feelings of dread and paranoia that have been seeping in me.

Stale popcorn, overpriced and oversized. Check.

Watered down soda. Check.

Badly directed horror film? Check.

Annoying and talkative patrons? Double check.

The blood effects weren't as cool compared to others, but at least the lead was hot even if she couldn't act to save her life.

-

Why am I even trying?

-

I made a blog.

I post all the pictures I've taken from dead animals and roadkill.

-

I feel numb.

-

I haven't been feeling real as of late. I even dared touch one of the spilt out guts of a cat behind an alleyway. I wanted to feel something. See if I was still here. I pushed my fingers in, feeling the slimy and sticky organs. It burned and I janked my hand away.

It felt surreal.

I can't feel my hands or face at times. Like they weren't even there to begin with.

-

I think I might go to a therapist.

-

I want to die...

[thessalian]

Thess vs Why We Fight

Another one from the bowels of Reddit, mostly because it's interesting.

There's a subreddit - r/antijob - that I follow mostly to keep track of real people's experiences in the workplace other than my own. And there was a post where the question was asked, "Why do you do more than the bare minimum?" That was the title, anyway. While the question was genuine, it was also at least half a lead-in to "If you're not stealing time back from the company that abuses you for too little pay, you're doing it wrong".

Thing is ... I had an answer. And that answer is: "I do it for the patients".

Yes, I complain a lot about how much I'm being taken advantage of by my colleagues. How management is allowing and in fact encouraging me to torture myself by taking on overtime that Occupational Health has told me I should not be doing. But the thing is ... I could technically just ... not do it. I could say, "Fuck it; you're on your own". And I probably would, except for the fucking patients.

See, I type histology reports for a living. And while some of those are absolutely routine, bog-standard stuff that shouldn't be an issue ... a lot of them aren't. They don't take out your tonsils or appendix or gallbladder unless there's something wrong. They certainly don't take off your breasts or cut out your kidneys or segments of your fucking intestines unless there's something wrong. They don't stick needles in you to take pieces of your liver or your prostate or your lungs or that weird lump on your breast, or cut off bits of skin because that mole just doesn't look right ... unless there's something potentially wrong. Nine times out of ten, they're looking for cancer.

Now, I know a lot about cancer. I've worked a few oncology departments in my time. And the main thing I know is that you have to catch it early. The sooner you catch it, the sooner it can be treated, and the sooner it's treated, the better the odds that you'll get full remission. More to the point, if you delay any of that, it might spread to another part of the body and then the odds of the patient's survival just drop into the sub-basement. The first step to catching it? Getting histology results to the right people. And even though I only do the macroscopic reports and not the microscopic ones that let you know whether a thing's malignant or not, they can't authorise a report without that information on the damn form. So, in my own small way, I am helping to save lives. That is why I do what I do. That's why I couldn't really hack anything that wasn't directly medical. Arranging the diary of the head of the Royal College of General Practitioners or handling submissions to a medical journal? Eh, I could do it, but it wasn't satisfying. I want to be helping. I want my job to mean something. And mine does.

So I answered the Reddit post with that very fact. And I got, "Well, it wouldn't be your fault if things got delayed; it'd be the boss' fault for not hiring more staff". And thankfully someone else got in before me with the reply of, "Yeah, and Thess is going to feel so much better about a patient potentially dying, potentially painfully, just because it's not technically their fault, even though they could have done something? Have some fucking empathy!" From what I can tell, half the people who read that remark of mine think I'm a hero, and the other half think I'm a doormat. I dunno; maybe both, maybe neither. I just know that reports need doing ASAP because sometimes, even a few days makes a difference.

I don't think my colleagues understand that. I don't think my colleagues let themselves understand that. They just look at it as, "They dictate, I type". I never forget that the tissue those doctors were cutting up and poking at while dictating this stuff was fairly recently attached to and/or inside of a human being, and the fact that they're getting bits cut off or out means, as I said above, that there is something potentially wrong. Best case scenario? Everything's fine, and the patient gets relief from the stress of potentially being sick a little sooner. Worst case scenario? There is a problem and the report gets to the right people quicker, and the patient stands a better chance of surviving it. Either way, it's important. What we do is important.

So I guess it's not even just work ethic, although that's a good-sized part of it. Most of all, it's making a difference, in a small way that might become something huge. And that's why I work three hours of overtime when we're this swamped.

...I just hate that my empathy and general humanity is being taken advantage of by lazy bints who only see it as "it's just a job; do the bare minimum".

[shootingstarpilot]

hello and congrats on the new job in Utah!! I lived there for 3ish years and I still miss it sometimes. I just wanted to pop in and say that if you’re going to be in the SLC area and looking to make friends/meet new people, Under the Umbrella bookstore is an amazing indie bookstore that does a lot of community-building events for the local queer community! They were located near my old work and I never did much more than buy books but they do the *coolest* stuff and sometimes I lived in Utah again just so I could go to their events lol

Listen, I saved this ask so I could have it at hand for reference when I actually got into Salt Lake City, and now that I'm here...

*shakes a finger threateningly in your direction* YOU. I DID NOT NEED TO ACCUMULATE MORE BOOKS.

...Damnit. It's SUCH a good bookshop. Thanks for that.

I wish I was sticking around! I'm giving myself a break tomorrow and I'm gonna try see Evermore (edit: UGH, I just realized I'm in the exact wrong time period between Oktoberfest and Ripper's Cove AND tomorrow is a Monday, time means nothing to me, FINE), but the day after that I'm heading four hours south for the final leg of the trip. I spent most of today walking around SLC, and honestly, I... kind of didn't expect to have as much fun as I did?

I mean, obviously, the bookstore was fun, but I also wandered into a performing arts center in the vain hope of finding a bathroom I didn't have to pay for, ended up chatting with a house manager who gave me a bunch of cool museums to visit, and then mentioned off-hand that they had a show going on right now, and on my way out I realized it was too damn hot to go explore the city in mid-afternoon so I bought a ticket without knowing what the show was and caught the last two and a half hours of a three-hour-long combination lecture/dance/concert centering around Indian novel Ponniyin Selvan???

And they were selling Indian food at the concession stand, so I got to treat myself to samosas for dinner???

And then after that I wandered around Temple Square and ducked into the Tabernacle to catch a bit of the choir practice???

And then after THAT I took Obi's vest off so he could roll around in the grass right outside for a bit, and a couple girls came up and we started chatting and it turns out one of them ALSO had MS so we exchanged numbers to bitch about it together???

I mean. I'm not complaining. I genuinely didn't expect to be enjoying myself so much. Long live road trips, I guess! The mountains are UNREAL.

[crguang]

Kinda off-topic, but damn. I really should stop getting so invested on reddit cause half the time, it just makes me spiral down an angry loop because people are awful, especially when you're anonymous on the internet.

Like, I pull for both hot dudes and women (who can kill me), and it just makes me sad whenever I visit a Husbandos sub and then all I see is hate towards the female character. Or they compliment and simp for the male while shading the female character. Or when I visit a Waifu sub and all I see is weirdos complaining about women irl, or the extremely fucking creepy comments people make...ugh. I know they're just the vocal minority, but it just makes my blood pressure rise. Sorry, just wanted to vent for a sec 😔

you need to get off reddit anon its an incelfest out there… it’s where loser virgin straight men assemble and post the most dog shit takes a person can come up with, unless it’s for random stuff or help with something reddit is just terribleee if you wanna have a good day like😭 every fandom has an annoying side but on reddit its always worse somehow

i see stupid shit about stuff i enjoy and get irrationally angry too so i get you, ive learned to block/mute and protect my peace because theres no point arguing with strangers on the internet

[the-fiction-witch]

Seventeen P15-P20

Media The Maze Runner

Characters Newt

Couple Newt X Reader

Rating Sweet

Series Seventeen

I headed inside the classroom even if everyone was already busy with the reading 

"Mr Newton, Particular reason you're twenty minutes late to my class?" Janson snapped

"I locked my key in my locker again" I sighed 

"I have half a mind to give you a detention" 

"It's Thursday." I remind him

"Alright, I'll let you off" he sighed 

So I went and took my seat I guess that is the one perk of being the scholastic team captain I can't get detention on Thursdays and Mondays.

I felt the little box burning in my bag I wanted to know so desperately what she had given me, but Ratman is a cunt and if he saw me get it out in his class he'd confiscate it for sure and I'd be lucky to get it back at all. So I just kept my head down and imagined whatever could be in the little box... 

I was first to arrive at the maths room we always used for the scholastic team being first as always. I sat down grabbed the little box from my bag and opened it up, inside the little black box were a few little items, A little orange lollipop, a little chocolate bar, a little pressed flower and a little keyring much like her own but this one had black flowers and a cartoon style slushie cup with the same style of scroll with the words 'You carved open my heart'. 

Awwwww I'm gonna cry! 

Immediately I put the keyring on my bag so I could carry it everywhere with me and put the little box in my bag so I could keep everything safe till I got home, soon enough everyone headed in ready for practice 

"Right kids let's get going!" Jorge says as he arrives eager to start up everything 

I didn't really pay much attention as we did practice questions and such as usual, even if I didn't really try too hard as I knew I didn't need too

"And top again, Is Miyoko!" Jorge says giving her applause and everyone else sighed, God, damn Miyoko.

Miyoko Lee, she wasn't actually in my class but in our year group even if she's literally 12! She was homeschooled until nine and has skipped almost half the years she's been alive. I mean it was fair to skip her as she is honestly as close to a genius as I have ever known, she's just insanely smart and untouchable I couldn't even take the piss or be mean to the little squirt as she is minho Lee head of the track team's little sister. 

"I don't know how we're meant to compete with her" Nick complained 

"Well if you boys did you're practice more maybe you could compete with Miyoko. But you're all on the same team" Jorge explained "Ohh just a sec-" He says heading out to talk with a passing teacher

"You know you could save all you're showing off for the next actual competition?" Jeff said 

"가서 엿 먹어도 돼" was her response

"Uhh... Team captain? you gonna do something about this?" Nick asked

"Look I've already been beaten up by a member of the track team, I'm not doing it again"

"That's fair" 

"Alright kiddo's get off home before the track meet's over so you don't get boxed in," Jorge says as he got back to the room everyone very quickly began to scamper I got my stuff and wanted to get home too but as I headed out I noticed how busy the track field still was as the track meet would not be over for a good half hour. I knew I should start on the walk home but...

I headed over to the track field sneaking in through the tall fence, seeing the tall bleachers full of people mostly parents and those who supported the team, they were setting the tracks up for another heat, the lights on bright making it strange as the track looked as bright as a summer day but just beyond the fence was the autumn darkness, The track team stood warming up as well as the team from the other nearby school, The small group of flag girls by the track meaning my sister and Zoe both of them looking bored. But drawing all the attention were the cheerleaders doing a route as the track was prepped, all the usual stick jumping, kicks, arm waves, pompom's all kind of a blur honestly.

The whistle blew for the heat and everyone took their lanes so the cheerleaders moved off the track and that's when we caught eyes, Y/n at the back of course pompom's in hand much as I had seen her earlier in the day I smiled and gently waved to her and she happily waved back the pompom swishing as she did but the race started and was kicked to cheer with the other girls. 

I found myself a spot on the bleachers and watched everything going on even if I did have to put my headphones in as it just got way too much for me. I didn't really pay much attention to the track meet only clapping when everyone around me did and even then only when I really noticed but I made sure to watch the girls, doing all their little cheer routines even if y/n often got shoved up the back I still found it impossible not to watch her. 

I often had to force my thoughts away when they did kicks and lifts given it often exposed the small white shorts she wore under the cheer skirt. But eventually, the meet was over, I honestly have no clue who won but I jumped out of my skin when y/n sat beside me with her bag and her pom pom's I quickly took my headphones out and did my best to smile 

"Hi y/n"

"Hi newt," she smiled "I thought you weren't coming?"

"Ohh well Scholastic got finished early, so I came to see you"

"Awww that's so sweet, But you could have got out early"

"I know, but I wanted to see you" 

"You're too sweet sometimes" she smiled "Did you like you're present?"

"I did very much, but you didn't have to do that"

"I know, but I wanted to" 

"Thank you very much, I've already put it in my bag"

"I can see, it's like we match" she giggled 

"Yeah it is a little" I laughed 

"I need to get going my dad will be waiting, But I'll see you tomorrow newt"

"Yeah see you tomorrow, have a nice night"

"You too" she smiled grabbing her stuff and scampering away towards the car park waving as she went I smiled and waved until she left my view 

"Ummmmm" I sighed happily 

I walked home and saw my mum busy with her cross stitch in the living room, sitting on the sofa watching some Tv, and my dad sat in his chair with some paperwork. 

"Hey kiddo, how was school?" he asks

"It went good" I smiled trying not to smile too much 

"Did you do it?" 

"do what?" She asks 

"Did you?" He asked again

"I did" I smiled 

"Good job, I'm a man of my word Pizza for dinner"

"Yes!" I smiled "I'll be in my room"

"Alright we'll call you down for dinner" 

I headed up to my room throwing my bag on my the side close to my desk but I had a heart attack "ahhhh!" I jumped as I saw Thomas sitting on my bed one of my snowglobes in his hand

"Hi," He waved 

"What are you doing in my house!" I yelled snatching my snowglobe from him and setting it back on the shelf 

"Your parents said I could wait up here" he shrugs getting up and fiddling with stuff around my desk

"Why are you in my house?" I complained stopping his hands from touching things 

"I came to visit, you weren't here," he says flicking through my notebook 

"Fine, what do you want?" I snapped taking my book and putting it back

"What's your problem?"

"I... like things very specific, I don't even let my sister in here," I told him "But it's fine, what do you want Tommy?" I sighed sitting on my bed and he sat on my chair

"Well I came over with some news, I figured you'd want to hear it as soon as possible"

"Oh? what?"

"I don't know maybe I shouldn't tell you, you've kinda been a dick"

"You're in my room, without consent. I think being a dick is fair"

"Fine, I'll go-"

"No. sorry Tommy, what did you need to tell me?" 

"That's better, given the news I'm about to give you I imagine you're gonna really wanna thank me" he smirked

"Am I?" I rolled my eyes "What is it then?"

"Well, I had a word with the head of the drama club this afternoon"

"Right? about?"

"About the Winter Musical" 

"Oh? how do you know? it won't be announced for like a good two weeks?"

"She wanted to tell me,"

"Why?"

"Honestly she wants me to try a drum up... more boys for drama club"

"That's fair I mean it is you and Aris that's it so makes sense"

"So I know the musical"

"All alright don't keep me in suspense, Are we doing Le mis again?"

"Nope."

"What is it then?"

"Heathers."

"Wh-WHAT!"

"We are doing Heathers the musical."

"How the hell are we gonna do that!"

"What do you mean?"

"Uhhhhh... Multiple deaths, mentions of suicide, of rape, many, many swear words and... the whole of a dead girl walking?"

"Apparently there's a high school cut"

"Ohh yeah that makes sense" I nodded "That's cool but why couldn't that be a text?"

"Because I told Teresa."

"Okay..."

"and she told y/n"

"What!"

"She told y/n. and apparently, she is going to be auditioning"

"Y/n is auditioning for Heathers! awww she'd make such a good Veronica"

"And the head of drama has asked me specifically to help bring more guys into drama club for this production under hint that I could have any role I want so I'm sure for a price I could make sure someone else gets a role they want"

"Are- are you suggesting"

"I have it on good conscious given head of drama asked me and because Teresa is head cheerleader and has basically already picked that she's gonna be Heather Chandler, we could help make sure"

"Yes?"

"That Y/n gets put as Veronica,"

"Yes!"

"And you as her JD"

"YES!" I yelled giving him a huge hug "Wait-"

"What?"

"uhhh I can't sing"

"Newt. this is high school theatre none of us can sing"

"But you really think you could?"

" you're first, really it's between you and Aris."

"Yeah that's what I'm worried about... aris is good, like really good"

"True, but I will do what I can to help butter her up, I kinda already knew you would, so auditions tomorrow at lunch"

"Tomorrow! I can't prepare an audition in... 19 hours. and also sleep"

"Newt, you're not telling me you know every lyric to those songs"

"....good point"

 "and I and Teresa will help butter the head of drama we promise"

"Wait... so, does Teresa-"

"Yes. she's my girlfriend of course I told her you have a thing for y/n"

"WHY!"

"She promised she wouldn't tell her, she's my girlfriend Newt I tell her everything"

"and yet I still got beat up for talking to her?"

"she has to keep up like she doesn't know, and I told her after"

"Well, thanks for telling me I'm just kinda worried how we're gonna pull this off I mean I can barely talk to y/n without stuttering and blushing like a mess you think I can handle a whole musical next to her? Have you ever seen a live version of dead girl walking, Veronica sits on JD's lap and rips her shirt off! y/n does that to me I'm gonna explode! Literally" 

"You'll be fine, you'll have months of prep to get to know each other better by the time you actually need to perform you two will be dating," He says "Now... I'm not hearing a thank you for telling you, getting you an audition and potentially getting you the girl of you're dreams"

"Thank you, Tommy"

"You're welcome"

"Pizza's here!" My dad yells from downstairs

"Coming!" I yelled back 

"You guys have got pizza?"

"My dad bet me A pizza if I talked to y/n today"

"Aww, I love your parents"

"They are great" 

"May I stay for a pizza slice?"

"You may Tommy," 

Admittedly I was so very sleepy I had been up all night, I must have listened to the soundtrack about six times to make sure I knew all the words. But I was getting more and more nervous the longer the day went on, I knew the lunch audition was coming and now I was shitting myself. 

"You ready?" Thomas smirked as he was basically pushing me down the hall 

"No, I'm not ready," 

"Liar, let's go, lover boy," he says kicking me into the drama room 

"Ohh that's more people than I thought" I gulped 

The large room with mirrors across one side and the smaller version of the stage in the main hall, and there were more people than I had hoped. 

"You said privately"

"I never officially said private"

"it was implied! I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die" I muttered hiding in my hoodie

"Let's get you a seat" he smirked pushing me to a chair beside him as he sat next to Teresa giving her a kiss "Hi babe"

"Awww hi" she giggled 

But that meant I'm sure intentionally I was next to y/n

"Ohh Hi newt"

"Ohh uhhh Hi y/n"

"I figured I might see you here, isn't it great we're doing heathers!"

"It is, it's amazing. you're gonna audition then?"

"I'm gonna try" she giggled "and you?"

"Ohh uhh well I uhh I thought maybe I'd wat-" I began but Thomas elbowed me "Yep yeah I am"

"Ooohh no no don't tell me I wanna be surprised" she giggled  

"Okay kids, Lets get this show rolling" Mrs Mary spoke up taking the stage

"Okay, kids. First I am going to let you into a little secret. Our department is low on funding. We are likely the lowest priority in the whole school, as I'm sure we all know high priority goes to the track team" She began

"Wooooo!" The track team yelled excitedly 

"Yes, yes" she sighed "Even the art club gets funding before us. So this is a shoestring of a budget. and the way we make our budget to keep the club alive is, Ticket sales." she explained "Which we have been severely lacking. I have produced the best musical ever written several times but that doesn't seem to be enough. So Fine! I'll sell out we're doing Heathers the musical"

"Yay!" Many cheered

"Yeah yeah, you little vipers. But I'm doing this not for art even if I will do my best to make it it's best. We are doing this for money. So I want advertising, recommendations, I want your families flying in from out of state to see you in this because by god if tickets are not sold out we don't go on, do you understand me!"

"Yes Mrs mary"

"Good. Now I have also asked my drama club to gather some cast members outside of our art and drama bubble, mostly because this musical has a cast of seventeen hundred, and because maybe that will bring in some new parents, siblings and really just dealing with the same ten of you is giving me a migraine. Now because of this, I am going to make sure anyone who auditions is cast somewhere be that onstage or off, but I will be putting focus on our new people. You drama rats have had your turns, Now, as I'm sure any of you who have goggled the script or ever seen this show will know full well this is not an easy musical, there are vocal moments, costume changes, impressive set and staging. this is gonna make the summer production of Grease look like a kindergarten Alice in Wonderland." She explained "So, I warn you now for any who don't know the musical well. There are no easy roles in Heathers. And to every girl hoping to be Veronica, I must remind you Veronica is in almost every song number, every scene, and is most of the script. if you are not prepared for that level of work, I suggest you go. The same goes for whomever if hoping to be our Jason dean. It's hard work, a hard role, even for a theatre brat."