because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
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I don’t really care about Disney Princess movies because y’know, I’m almost 25, but it does make me sad that they just don’t seem to do villains anymore. Like, at all. The last good disney Princess villain was from like 2009. It makes me sad because as a young queer goth kid I loved the villains, i literally only watched the movies to see the villains. Disney villains used to slap and then they just. Stoped. Who are the weird little emo kids supposed to look up to now? The dude from Frozen who was just sort of an asshole? The lava monster from Moana who turned out to be the good guy?
Why did fun villains go out of style anyway? I would argue that some of the older bad guys are more iconic than the protagonists. Does anyone remember the plot of Sleeping Beauty or do you just remember Maleficent slaying absolute cunt? Because that’s all I remember. I had a plush Maleficent dragon. Where are the dragons now
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This might be a hot take, but I actually like that Percy figured out Luke was the traitor at the last minute. There were A LOT of clues that would’ve been hard to ignore, and he ignored them for as long as he could. And it’s clear that even after accusing Luke, he’s still surprised and heartbroken at Luke’s confirmation of his suspicions. He was holding out hope, guys!!
Also, the Betrayal Scene flows better as an exchange of dialogue and a swordfight than it did, in the books, as a monologue and a scorpion sting. This also leaves a bigger impact on the viewers and characters because it’s more emotional.
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HE LOOKS LIKE HE WORKS WITH HIS HANDS AND SMELLS LIKE MARLBORO REDS IT MAKES ME SO UHH AND I CANT GET ENOUGH OF IT
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Friday was my last day at Valve.
Leaving a job full of people and projects you love is always hard, but I have a pretty good reason for it this time around:
Next Monday is my first day at Cyan.
Feels appropriate to announce this on Riven's anniversary, the game that is entirely to blame for who I am as a concept artist and Art Director. WHO WOULD I EVEN BE if I hadn't had my 11yo mind blown by the little wahrk gallows counting toy in the Rivenese schoolhouse??? It's a mystery.
I can’t talk about what's on the horizon just yet—short of helping to get Riven out the door—but I’m thrilled to finally be a part of this studio, officially, after thirty years of wistful pining. If my ancient Riven fanart is anything to go by, it's been a long time comin.'😎
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