#having the time of our lives enjoying every second of being surrounded by so many dykes fully present in the moment enjoying muna’s show

[partynthem]

life’s SO fucking fun

[acourtofwhatthefuck]

Bluebird — Part II — (Azriel x Reader)

Hiiiii. Still don’t know where I’m going with this. Totally just winging lmao. Still hope you enjoy!

Warnings: None!

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“Another attack – this one just outside the village. The most brutal thing I’ve ever seen. It was Alda this time. The tailor’s daughter.” 

Your head jerked up. Ale sloshed over the tankard in your hand, dripping onto your boots. 

The man sitting with his friend at the bar raised an eyebrow at you. “I hope you’re going to refill that, Y/N. You poured half of it onto the floor.” 

Your cheeks burned. “Yeah—yes. Sorry.” 

Their conversation resumed as you turned back to the ale tap. The topic itself had lost its shock value, with how often you heard such conversations in your father’s tavern — but you knew Alda.

Well – knew her in the sense that you sometimes nodded in greeting as you passed by each other in the village. Knew her as well as a sheltered, friendless girl such as yourself could know anyone. 

You placed the tankard in front of the man – your father’s friend…or associate. Whatever they called themselves. Alf, you thought his name was. “Is…is Alda dead?” You asked. 

Alf gulped down a few mouthfuls of ale before he nodded. “She is. Yet another attack from the scumbag Fae. I’m telling you—” He turned to the man beside him, then, “They’re priming to strike and wipe our kind out completely. There’ll be a war before long.” 

There was no mistaking the way your stomach plummeted, your body going cold all over. Sheltered you may be, and inexperienced, perhaps naive – but while you had pretty much educated yourself, taught yourself everything you now knew at twenty-one years of age, your father had been the one to teach you about the Fae. 

Terrible, evil beings who assaulted and slaughtered humans for sport. Beings who preyed on young, innocent girls and lured them out of their beds in the dead of night. Was that what had happened to Alda?

Was it what had happened to your mother, when they’d killed her?

The Fae hadn’t breached your village in decades – until recently. The attacks were ratcheting up. 

“We need to start rallying our forces.” The second man said. “If they’re planning to strike, we need to be ready.”

The forces he spoke of were, in fact, your father’s doing. Though he was an aloof, nonchalant man – not a natural parent, by any means – the visceral hatred he felt for the Fae seemed to bring him alive. You covered his work behind the bar every week while he gave impassioned talks to the men of the village about the evil across the wall. What they were capable of. What they had already done to your kind. The fact that many humans lived in squalor, whilst the Fae lived in the lap on luxury on what was once human-owned land. And it was your job to go around after his talks, collecting the coin that the punters donated to further his cause. 

You were privy to everything that was said in The Bluebird Inn. And you’d had no choice but to be aware of the Fae, when they’d taken your own mother from you when you were just a babe, too young to ever hold a memory of her. If the Fae truly were getting bolder, coming closer…if they were picking the village girls off one by one— 

You shuddered, wiping down the bar. The two men rose from their seats and went over to join the crowd of rebels that currently surrounded your father, the noise from the group only growing louder, more incensed, as news of Alda’s murder spread.

“Have you ever seen a Fae?” 

You looked up to meet the eyes of the handsome, blonde-haired young man who leaned against the bar, bracing his forearms on it – Devin. He was, perhaps, the most dazzling of all the men in the village – only a year or so older than you, and currently completing his training to be a Village Guard. One day, he would join the other guards in protecting your people and warding off more Fae attacks. He was a quiet supporter of your father’s cause, having attended two of his talks now. 

“No.” You blinked at him. “Of course not. Have you?”

“I have.” Devin nodded. “Count yourself lucky, Y/N. You don’t want to see a Fae. They’re hideous, horrible beings. Terrifying. You can see the evil in their eyes.”

“I thought they were always rumoured to be quite beautiful.” 

His broad shoulders shrugged. “They are – but that’s all a part of the allure. They coax you in with their beauty, and then they rip you limb from limb and leave your broken body to be found by your loved ones. And they do it because they can.” 

Sick – you felt utterly sick. And cold. How could such beings exist? It didn’t matter that your father had spent your entire life drilling these facts into your head – the details were never any less horrific. 

“The attacks are becoming more frequent, aren’t they?” You asked quietly, pouring Devin a drink. 

He nodded, his pretty, pale blue eyes darkening. “They are. The Village Guards are doing all they can, but they don’t stand a chance against magic. These are dark, unsafe times, Y/N. And you’re the exact kind of person they target.” 

“I…I carry a blade with me. My father has shown me how to use it.” 

His lips lifted into a wry smile. “Smart as that is, it won’t do you much good against a being who can infiltrate your mind and plant thoughts there. They can convince you that you want to go with them, to follow them. They can get you exactly where they want you, and then they’ll strike.” He reached forward, placing a hand on your arm – the contact tinged your cheeks pink. “I know you’re independent, Y/N. I know that you help your father with the tavern, and you run a lot of his errands. But…it’s not safe, right now, for a young woman to be out walking alone. If you absolutely must travel somewhere — send for me. I’ll be your chaperone.” 

If possible, your cheeks burned even more. Any of the girls in the village would have killed for such an offer from Devin. He was easily the most sought-after man around here. And to think he was offering you his protection…

“I will.” You said a little too quickly, hoping your face didn’t show how flustered you truly were. “Thank you, Devin.”

With a charming wink, he rose from his seat and took a place amongst the other gathering audience members, glued to your father’s talk that evening. It was obvious in the incensed murmurings amongst the men that the tensions were ratcheting up. That it wouldn’t be long before they struck, and the human-Fae troubles would begin anew.

You couldn’t help scanning each face and wondering which of them would survive to tell the tale.

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Azriel went back. 

Despite telling himself not to, a few nights later, he went back. 

It struck him again how dark and dingy that little village was. But the thought eddied away as he positioned himself in the same spot and waited.

The young woman played the piano again. It was at the same time, by the same dim candlelight. But a different tune. 

He wondered if this was a routine of hers. If she played at the same hour every night.

And then he wondered why he damn well cared.

He’d never had much interest in humans. Not from any sort of prejudice; it just seemed pointless — needlessly painful — to build connections with people who he’d have decades with at best. It was easier and far more logical to quietly respect their existence from a distance. 

But that mantra was not in keeping with a growing fixation of a human woman he had no business going near.

He supposed it just…soothed him. To imagine a life of peace, where time was set aside every night to play music. Such beautiful, chilling music. 

It was a damn sight more relaxing than the ever-present roaring in his head.

And that was why he went back again.

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“I haven’t seen you much recently.” Elain sipped delicately from a teacup, brown eyes flitting over Azriel in all his dark glory. “What’s been keeping you busy?”

It was a pleasantly warm day in Velaris. Warm enough for them to take their tea outside. They had so far sat in companionable silence as Elain had admired the vibrant flowers and Azriel had pored over reports while sunning his wings. 

But he found himself quietly restless. Eager for nightfall; to spread his wings and fly amongst the stars 

“Just business.” He responded vaguely. A far better answer than the truth — that her mating bond with Lucien suffocated him. “Nothing exciting.”

Elain hummed thoughtfully, studying the shadowsinger. There was a pause before she said, a little coyly, “I hope nobody’s giving you grief—about me, I mean.”

Azriel’s eyes flicked up to meet hers. “Grief?”

“I’m a grown woman—female.” She still found herself having to correct her words sometimes. “I make my own choices. And that includes whose company I do or do not wish to keep.”

“I don’t think anybody would expect otherwise.”

Silence was the only response. Because both of them knew what she was hinting at — the warning Rhysand had given Azriel to watch how he behaved around Elain. How Elain had learned of it, Azriel didn’t know. But she wasn’t daring enough to confront it outright.

“I just wanted you to know that.” She said, rising from her seat. “I enjoy spending time with you, Azriel. There’s nothing wrong about that.”

No, there wasn’t. Still…the two of them didn’t usually speak so boldly to each other. Az found himself unsure of how to respond.

And even more so, as Elain leaned down and pecked him on the cheek, her strawberry scent enveloping him. He felt his body go taut, felt his cheeks flush. 

“Don’t work too hard.” Elain said softly. And then she gathered up the tea tray, and disappeared inside.

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The coins jostled and clinked against each other as you set the clay pot in front of your father. “Tonight’s takings.” You told him.

Rough, dirty fingers rooted around inside the pot. Your father glanced up at you. “Not bad.” But could be better, was what he meant.

You were starting to wonder if there was an amount that would satisfy your father, if you presented it to him. You knew he was eager to further his cause, to build up funds and supplies, but…he always seemed so disappointed.

Still, you hovered in front of him, wiping your hands over your wrinkled shirt. “…Devin said it’s not safe for people like me to go out unattended. With all the Fae attacks. He’s offered to be my chaperone.”

Your father’s gaze flitted to yours. To raise the subject to him was to test the waters. Your unspoken plea lay heavy in the air: go on. Let me have friends. Give me some freedom. You can trust me.

“Devin is a fine male.” He said, and a little kernel of hope arose in you. “But I don’t want you getting any ideas, Y/N.”

Your shoulders slumped. “Yes, Papa.”

“I need you here, helping me however I ask whilst I do my work. That’s your duty. And Devin is training to be a Village Guard. That is his duty. Perhaps when this whole thing is over, things will be different. But right now, I need you here.”

“Yes, Papa.”

“Are all the chores done? Have you locked up?”

“Just some trash to take out. I had to kick Kiall out. He drank too much again, and he was becoming a nuisance.” Your voice gave away how downtrodden you felt, but you knew your father would pretend not to notice. “I thought I might play some music for a while.”

“Not tonight, Y/N.” He shook his head. “I head out tomorrow to give talks in the other villages. I need as much rest as I can get — as do you. You’ll be holding the fort here while I’m gone.”

You inclined your chin. And for a third time, you droned, “Yes, Papa.”

Your father dismissed you by easing himself back in his chair and retrieving his glass of whiskey from the small table beside him. You lingered a moment longer before turning on your feet.

But it was in the doorway that you stopped, a feared, plaguing thought arising in you. 

“Do you truly think we can win against the Fae?” You asked.

Your father glanced over his shoulder. And something shadowed his face as he bit out coldly, “We have to.”

The tone of his voice frightened you too much to respond.

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Azriel waited. And waited. And waited.

But the woman didn’t appear. And the sweet music didn’t float up to him.

He supposed he felt a little foolish for becoming so…hopeful. For racing to the human lands to glimpse and hear what had occupied his thoughts for the last few days.

Gods, Rhys would chew him out if he knew. Even though Azriel was the damn spymaster. Even though he knew how to stay hidden, and he could sure as shit defend himself against any number of humans — it was still risky. Because he could frighten the humans, if nothing else.

But he still hoped. And when he realised that it was getting late, and The Bluebird Inn was in darkness — that no music was coming tonight — he felt frustrated.

His whole body was restless as he turned and made to leave. He didn’t want to return home yet, but…there was no point in being here. In staring at a bleak, darkened village—

He was just about to take off when he caught the movement in his periphery. 

A door opened below — the inn’s side door. And out stepped the woman he’d so eagerly wanted to glimpse.

Azriel’s entire body went still, only his wings keeping him aloft. He watched as the woman — carrying what seemed to be a trash bag — turned into the alley beside the inn. 

He shouldn’t have done it, but he did. He flew closer. 

Close enough to watch the human deposit the trash bag into a bin. Close enough to see her turn — and pause at the sight of a man who came stumbling seemingly out of nowhere. Azriel tensed, not quite catching what the man slurred at her.

“We’re closed.” The woman’s voice floated up to him, skittering over Azriel’s skin. As sweet as the music she played. “And you’ve had plenty to drink. I won’t be serving you any more.”

The drunken human man staggered closer to her, clutching at the wall. “One more drink, and I’ll leave you in peace—”

“I said no, Kiall. My father is trying to sleep.” The woman snapped. “Go home and sober up.”

She made to step past the inebriated lout, seeming so much smaller than him.

And it was as the man’s hand shot out to shove her against the wall that Azriel acted without thinking. 

He swooped down, landing with a thud in the mouth of the alley. His face was a sheet of fury, his wings a blanket of unforgiving night, as he stared at the two humans.

They both paled at the sight of him. The woman quietly gasped.

“The lady said no.” Azriel intoned quietly, lethally, his cold eyes fully on the man. “Leave.”

There was no movement; just two humans gaping at the sight before them. Until the man seemed to reach for some sort of weapon. Azriel almost laughed at the idea.

“Leave,” he said again, taking a step forward, “while you can still leave with your heart beating.”

That was all it took to frighten the man into moving. He shoved the woman away from him, tripping over his own feet as he took off. Azriel tucked in his wings just enough for the man to scuttle past. He left as quickly as his human legs would allow.

And then it was just Azriel and the woman. The woman who so beautifully played the piano. The woman who was still staring at him, wide-eyed and trembling. 

He wanted to know her name. But it didn’t seem appropriate to ask. And his head was roaring so much with fury that he wasn’t sure he could even formulate the words.

“Are you alright?” He managed to bite out. He knew he’d got there before the woman had been hurt, but he still studied her for any indication of harm.

She blinked at him, pressing herself against the wall. And then stiffly nodded — just once.

Azriel wanted to hear her voice. But she didn’t speak.

“You should go back inside.” He said quietly.

She paused, and then nodded again. He nodded, too.

“Goodnight, then.” He inclined his head.

He shot into the skies before he could make any more reckless decisions. He knew that the woman watched the whole thing in both fear and awe.

He should go home. And not return. This had been foolish, and dangerous, and damn well pointless. She was just a human woman. Az had seen many in his half a millennia, and he would see many more.

He had no reason to be so transfixed.

But that didn’t stop him waiting and watching, making sure she made it inside, before he turned and flew back to the city of Velaris.

✧: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ azriel tag list:

@hanasakr @positivewitch @ruler-of-hades @brekkershadowsinger @nightscourtt @imperfect0angel @luna-1-3-5 @hyacinthoideshispanica @lucyysthings @lahoete @littlemoonash @blacksstarrynight @azriels-mate123 @ghostly-poetic @frieddesigninspiringquotesslime @a-frog-with-a-laptop @illyriansimp @morrie-rose @passingthroughfireandshadow @illyrian-dreamer @azrielsbabyg @96jnie @mich0731 @mulansaucey @truthtellerfanclub @acourtofbooksandmagic @insightsonmylife @basicbittywitty @curbside-cyanide @acourtofchaosandmess @123345566 @starrynights-frostbites @eos-princess @thesillyyogourt @ona-raising-07-l @acediahamartia @dontfollowmepleaseitsannoying @polli05927 @asdfjklbooks @azriel-luvr @amysangel @humanpersonlasttimeichecked @wildflowernightmere @audie-writes @aaronwarnerswifereal @starxqt @lulufairbank @laurzwrites @livelaughlovenestaarcheron @girlwith-thecinder-blockgarden @emturtles @lostpirateinwonderland @kammsinn @localhopedealerr @pee-stachio @tobifeemo @torchbearerkyle @honeycriess @shadowsingersmate24 @azziessidehoe @camillo-420 @aztheshadowsinger @shadow-singer123 @weirdo-fun @bookscurlsandgirls @limelightsuperhero @eviepeo

[hummingbird-games]

2023 In Review (Indie Games)

Last year's! | 2021

I apologize in advance for how long this might be. As a reminder, I don't bash games here so even if I hated something with every fiber of my being...I ain't sharing. As a second reminder, my more in depth reviews and live blogging has moved to Gem's Game Gems so I don't clutter the HBG's main blog. Okay. ON WITH THE REVIEW!!

DEMOS

Diffraction (Demo)- A rainy day otome indeed. I love the quiet gentleness of this game, the two romance options, and the fact that our MC is a photographer and struggling with her art and stack of life "failures" (because...SAME!!)

Alaris - I was asleep and now I am awake: I came late for the advertised fae and dragon lore, stayed seated and waiting for Fenir zjgjdf. Oh, and I guess the mystery surrounding our MC's abilities LOL.

The Summit Library - When I say I was maaaaaad when I realized I blew through chapter 1 and would have to go back to waiting for more content??? LOL, I was very miffed. Anyhoo, check out this title for the gorgeous art, another intriguing mystery (like what is *up* with the magic in the poor library?? who or what is to blame?? 👀) and of course the lovely characters we've been introduced to thus far.

Of Sense and Soul - I'm a regency romance girl. Like after you strip away the other stuff, I am but a poor woman with simple needs: a good ass love story 🤧💛 It's about the yearning and the slow burn and the will they/won't they/PLEASEEE they...I've never been so charmed by a demo, and the full game is going to be amazing I just know it!

Made Marion - This project is a game I've been keeping tabs on for a hot minute but hadn't taken the time to sit and properly enjoy the demo. I'M SO GLAD I DID!!! It's in early access now, so I'm hoping eventually I'll be able to carve out some time to play, but guysss Velvet Cupcake is doing the Thing?!? No idea which love interest I'll go for first, but I had a fun time meeting the Nottingham peeps in the demo.

Herotome (Super Demo) - Oh gosh. Oh gosh oh gosh oh my GOSHHH. Where do I even began?? (Really the question is where the hell do I end because this is one of those projects I talk about a lot/think about a lot and surprisingly haven't run out of things to say zkjfksjd). Another game I've been following for a while, it 100% lives up to the superhero genre in its aesthetic, the characters you interact with, the music and sound design, and of course the slowly unfurling story. Jade and Mia had come out as my top faves, Warden is still there, like hovering in the backgroud, shhhh but I have a special place in my heart for Griffin too (that conversation we have with her?? I have so many screenshots just so I can go back and reread and sear the words in my brain. Like a weirdo. Yup.)

Celestial Crowns - Stats building, celestial royalty, dating sim where you fuck around and find out your choices directly affect your MC's personality?? I'm sat. I supported the Kickstarter and now I try to practice patience for the full game's release siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighh.

OTOME/JOSEI JAM

Please note this is a SUPER abridged list for my sanity and I fell a little more in love with these 2 jams with each entry I played...

Intertwine - As embarrassing as it sounds, I've never given much thought to the "red string" thing, and I consume more than enough romance media LOL!! But Van is suuuuuch a beautiful man, the UI for this game is so interactive and lovely, the music is ALSO lovely, just lovely-love all the way around teehee. (Also this game encourages replayabillity so like, do with that info what you will.)

Spring Boy [Demo] - I believe this game is going through a complete rehaul, so my thoughts and feelings refer to the original jam entry I played. The art is bright and cute and it's a super super short demo, but I was intrigued by the other student we meet on our mission to plead with our professor about our bombed exam lol!

Assignment Due: Project Blue - IRl group projects??? Suck absolute ass. Group projects with a guy name Asher?? Suddenly it's my new favorite thing in the world 😁

Cryptid Campaign Manager [DEMO] - Remember the last time I looked over a cryptid dating sim??? Remember how I was SUCH a fool?? Good thing I didn't make that mistake again!! The prologue is such a tease but you get an idea of what the full game is gonna be like, and I'm excited to see where my career involving love (and politics) goes!

Heart Cage [Demo] - Yoooooo I stay my ass far far far away from yanderes (could never get into the trope or the character type). WELP. Guess I just needed to keep searching because I really downloaded this off a whim--well, the whim being one of my fellow dev peers playing and rating-- and proceeded to get sucked in 🤧I thought being a detective would be the highlight, but I guuuueeesssss I was more into the romance options than I thought. Oops.

Evernight - I tried to explain what this game meant to me on the side blog, but words failed me. I still don't know what to say other than I loved it?? Which is like ummm I say I love everything, and yeah I'm easy to please BUT Y'ALLLLLL if you play no other game, play this one. Please. Date a werewolf. Or a vampire. Or a fae. Plz. Also figuring out the mystery of your MC's abilities and past is just delightful, ugh.

Bright Oak (demo) - Anotha one I wrote about on the side blog!!! Play this one!!! The writing is lush and atmospheric and the characters are all delightful and it's another game with a mystery to untangle!

The Faithfulness of the Universe- This one gets the award for most unique all around entry that I played. Theeeeee prettiest pixel art to bless my eyeballs, and this tasty mystery concerning Fate and witch Faustina's future (or lack thereof 👀) and what it all means. As a player I very much want to know what it all means!

A Cup For All Seasons - Another game that needs its flowers y'all. It's short but super healing and super cozy and the voice acting and music really tie the gaming experience together???

The Working Woman's Guide to Burning Bridges - DEMO - It's the way I played the demo twice and I've been thinking about it ever since 😭😭😭🙃 obviously life happens and things come up, plus this was a demo. But. BUT!!! I am on my hands and knees prayinnggg the team gets together again to finish the game. I love playing as a stressed, lowkey bitter hot mess who doesn't have her life together 😂somehow the fictional version is soooo much more entertaining!!!

Keyframes (Spring Demo) - After the game College Craze, this is legit THE college, slice of life visual novel of my dreams. I cannot wait for the updated demo next year, and the Kickstarter whenever that rolls around. And now that the developer is on Tumblr, I've definitely been stalking the account and reading each new post like it's my day/night/weekend job 🤧

Hello Counsel 💋 - Okay I take it back, Evernight is like a 20/10 but Hello Counsel is like an 100/10 👁️👄👁️ This game is necessary for my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health, alright? The banter ✅ the character designs ✅ the music ✅ the sizzling chemistry between Poise and Salem ✅ I wish this game had more buzz because IT'S SO GOOD!!! (also the dev, Miseri, is who I wanna be when I grow up. I've made it through almost their whole backlog of games and there are no misses and EVERY game is different from the rest and it makes it hard for a toodler dev--ME--to cope LOL)

Candied Hearts - Isekaied into a candy themed game?? Sign me TF UP!!! (Peppermint I love you dearly, you must understand.)

Fully Released & Played (at least 1 playthrough)

The Knight's Dilemma - I don't even know how I originally stumbled upon this??? I just know it had been in my backlog for a hot minute and I was intrigued enough to save it way back when. Y'ALL WHY DIDN'T I PLAY SOONER SKJFHFJFH! There's a couple different endings, I loved the voice direction, AND it's such a simple concept of a game that was just executed beautifully.

Trouble Comes Twice - If I had to make a top 5 list of romance VNs, guess who makes the list?? Guess. Guess guess guess. Have you guessed yet??? LOL! I have been in love with TCT since it's development days and with each passing month, waiting in anticipation, playing the Pateron beta builds, screaming on the main blog about every single thought I had about Jace and Hazel (shoutout to Jace for helping me figure out *me*) Lol if you're curious about said thoughts, those posts are on this blog and not the side blog.

Aelfric the Wondrous - 10/10 would love to forget my first play through JUST to have that experience fresh again 😭😭💛Cute and funny and a wonderful parody type game all around.

A Summer's End - Hong Kong 1986 - Goodness, there's no excuse for why this took me years to finish but anyhoo, I finished, I loved it, I recommend it! It's romantic and achingly authentic and the art is soooo gorgeous I literally can't stand it 😭

The Things You Do For Love - Unhinged yandere manages to entertain and garner sympathy and laughter from Gemini. And that poly ending is chef's kiss too????

Band Camp Boyfriend - There are a handful of games I found and loved before I began my game development journey, and this is one of them. BCB is so dear to me, because of the story and characters but also because of the Dynamic Duo creators and their team behind the scenes. I was never a band kid I was a chorus kid but just as the band geeks loved this game to pieces, us normal folks do too!! Even the boys who I didn't like I STILL managed to find joy in playing their routes (still have a few more to finish at the time of this posting lol, GOTTA GET THE FINAL ROUTE YO). Anyway, this game more than delivered for me and I hope more people keep discovering it!!

Belle Automata: Chronicle I [RELEASED] - While only Chronicle 1 is out at the time of this posting, I already know that the 2nd and 3rd parts are going to be just as amazing???? I wrote about this one on the side blog, so here's my copypaste that still rings true:  

I love TNP (The Nightmare Prince) but Victor’s route hit the sweet spot for me. Maybe it’s the slow(er) burn nature of this route, maybe it’s the reserved nature of Victor and watching him slowly start to care (AND NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THOSE FEELINGS TEEHEE) for me.

A Date with Death - I wrote about this on the side blog--again--. The demo. And then right after finishing a route. And then again where I was fully awake and still managed to sound deranged. No copypaste for that, I shall be nice. But yeah!! Another game where I was screaming at the sky about how much I love it and how I'll never know peace as long as I live.

Our Life: Baxter DLC - I need to offer an official apology to both Cove and Derek because falling head over heels, down the stairs, crashing into the parking lot, falling again but down a manhole for Baxter's infuriating ass was NOT on my 2023 bingo board??? HELLO???? I bought his DLC just to complete my OL collection. Was not expecting to love it this much. Was not expecting to be called to write fanfic and abandon all responsibilities to do this. WHILE DOWN WITH COVID TOO. Allow me to play the song of my people. *Send in the Clowns plays*

Our Cinderella - (this is so funny I'm taking about a side game before the main game LOLOLOLOL) Guys. Guysss. You guyyyysss 🥹if you're looking for a cozy, hilarious, equally oddly and wonderfully sweet short game, this is the one!! You may have your personal favorite Iggy ship (like me) but all the pairings are so amazing and just make sense lol!

Wylde Flowers - This is the only non visual novel game on here but it gets the spotlight because I did NOT spend 90+ hours on this game to gatekeep this beauty. No. It the coziest, the funniest, the funnest, the most addictive Switch game (after Teacup) I've ever played.

Fully Released (& still on 1st playthrough)

Garden of Seif: Chronicles of an Assassin - Life kicked my butt and then sat on me SO while I finally got my grubby hands on the full copy, I still have only played the entirety of the demo. But. We will return to this in 2024 and hopefully I'll have a full review for the next wrap up!

Our Wonderland - I looked back at the side blog and I can't believe it was only THIS year that I started OW??? Because I'd known of the game and the dev for longer than that??? So basically what I'm saying is that I was chicken shit for longer than I've been in love with this world that Developer Carrot has created kjzhhshggj. But OMG to get me, who is scared oh so easily to get hella invested in this clearly labeled horror game??????????????? And even with shit gets super absurd and hella disturbing, I cannot stop playing. At the time of this post, I'm only in Act 4, hence the category above, but it's only because I play each act in a sitting and lose track of space and time and myself. That's a compliment btw.

...

Okie!! That's 2023 in a nutshell! I played a looooot of really good games this year and while I would have liked to talk about them all, I think this list provides a nice overview.

Let me know if we share any favorites!

- Gemini 💛

[starillusion13]

Like We Just Met! (Part 1)

Alien AU (Series Masterlist)

“MY MBTI is ISTJ.”

“No your MBTI is OURS.”

Pairing: nct dream(ot7) x reader

Genre: Mature, Yandere, Smut

W.C: 5.7k

Warnings: The upcoming events in the story will contain themes like stalking, violence, obsession, manipulation, possessive behaviour and restraining acts. This is an Yandere story so you are well aware of what to expect more. This chapter contains just some emotions and some confusing meetings with the members.

Note: please I want to thanks to people for reading and reblogging. Reviews are always appreciated 😭. Applause to the ones who come up to me to interact and they know how friendly I am. Okay enough!

Network: @k-vanity @cultofdionysusnet

Girl let me explain (I will let NCT DREAM explain to me anything, Honestly.) I just love them so much!!!

“I don’t know them.”

“Girl. You are literally giving me so many details on them since yesterday and now you are telling me that you don’t know them.”

“Trust me, I really don’t know them.”

It’s just like you are ranting about your sudden encounters with seven boys. Well, who are these boys? Your friend was out of town for one month and your life has new stories like it has come past one decade. Living in this new town with your friend is okay but you being all alone in this place seems very uncomfortable when you are literally an introvert and approaching someone or to go out often for every need is becoming unbearable. As an ISTJ, you are very independent girl, enjoy maintaining your responsibilities and duties to have a decent life than others. Your life was pretty much going usual until these random boys came across your path. You haven’t seen them before but the way they approached to you, smiling at you and helping you seems like they have known you for so long. If you have encountered them before then maybe you would have remembered them somehow but NO.

Your friend has cut the video call when she finds out how you are zoning out and her being overseas is not really possible to be on the call for too long because of the differ in time zone. You haven’t notice yet the blank screen before you as the screen turned black under being no use for more than thirty seconds. You turn to look outside the window, the wind blowing slowly but enough to wave your curtains and your locks dancing to the breeze. You inhaled sharply before drifting to the flashbacks of encountering the boys in different places.

‘Skateboard’

The evening was pretty nice and so you thought to have some time for yourself, the activities you like to do on your spare time. Being in your room all alone was eating you of boredom so grabbing your skateboard from the rack, you made your way towards the skating zone of the park. You waited in a corner and kept yourself busy on the phone to kill some time before the place become a bit less populated and then you could have your skating time. Your skateboard kept leaning against the wall and you be watching some music videos of your favorite artist with your headphones on. Head bopping to the beats and feet tapping on the pitch, not taking in the surrounding how people were going back home with the passing of time. An add appeared on your screen and you took your eyes off of the screen to finally notice that you were out for so long. Locking the phone and fishing it inside your pocket, you grabbed your board and went towards your desired spot to ride your skateboard.

You just preferred it that way, away from all people and enjoying by yourself. Hairs flowing beside your face, hands spread wide and eyes focusing on the way in front and body keeping the balance on the board. A sweet smile adorning your face and you heard a ‘click’ sound with a flash from a side, you quickly looked towards the direction but didn’t see anyone. Getting distracted, you didn’t notice a tiny rock and you fell down.

“Ahhh!”

Rubbing your elbows, you investigate your hands and legs for injuries and well, there were some scratches due to the fall and it’s stinging. Your butt is paining as you fell on it and you didn’t think you could walk anymore like this but its not like someone would carry you to your house so you have to do everything on your own. You tried to get up but it was all in vain when you saw an extended hand in front of you. Eyes followed the hand to his face and damn, the boy was so cute but he didn’t look like any common guy from the colony, he looks different than usual, maybe he is not from anywhere around. Also, when did he approach you? You didn’t hear any footsteps and did he see you fall down? Thinking this you felt shy in front of him. The boy suddenly gave you a smile and honestly you thought that you have never seen such a cute boy ever in your life. He gestured to hold his hand and when you hesitantly accepted the offer, he quickly pulled you up. Before you could say anything, he started to brush off your hands and legs and your shorts but keeping himself decent from maintaining not to touch anywhere private. You shyly tugged your hairs behind and thanked him. He laughed, shook his head and patted your head like you are his pet.

“Come on, dude its okay. I feel like you needed my help. Its pretty late and why are you out in this hour?”

“Uh, it’s fine as I live down the streets and I like being alone here.”

“You skate so good. Can you teach me someday?”

“Yeah sure. If only we meet again then I will teach you promise.”

“We will meet again fore sure, myself Mark.”

He extended his hand for a handshake and you just stared at it. Biting your lips, you were deciding whether you should accept it or not and with a final smile, you shook his hand.

“Y/N. Nice to meet you.”

“Such a pretty name. I hope we will meet again.”

He gave you a printed band-aid from his pocket and when you rejected it, he bent down to put it on your knees.

“Thanks Mark.”

“Just be careful on skateboard next time.”

With that you both parted your ways but somewhere you hoped to see him again. He helped you to reach your house because you were limping and he insisted. Turning your back to him, a smile appeared on your face again and you ran inside. Since that day, you met often near the park and deep inside, without any reason you felt like to go there even just to get a glimpse of him playing basketball with his friends. Well, skateboarding is not your hobby but you are addicted to it for him.

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‘Blue waves’

Another day of your life and you feeling down for missing your parents. The memories of your happy moments all spent together running through your mind and tears running down your cheeks. You knew that if you spend some more time inside the house alone, you might think of all worst possibilities and so you made your way towards the bus stop. It was a calm afternoon with a pleasant weather and you made your mind to relieve yourself near a seaside. You took a bus to the nearest beach and meanwhile you noticed a child playing with her mother beside your seat. You sadly smiled at them and a tear fell from your eyes. Reaching to the desired location, you stood at the entrance of the path leading to the beach. Staring at the sea from afar somewhat felt like nostalgic. It reminded you of your father who used to wait with some candies or flowers for you and your mother near the shore and waving at both of you. Then, both of you used to run to him to give a tight hug to each other. Those bright happy days are just fading memories now.

Wiping your eyes, with slow footsteps, you walked towards the shore. Hands clutching your flowy knee length skirt. Pressing your teeth tightly and gulping the lump in your throat so that not a single sob could escape your lips. On reaching the shore, ears picked up the loud growling of the blue waves of the sea hitting the shore. You let your eyes closed to only listen to the sounds of the nature and how the breeze hitting your body as if it could take away all your problems away. The breeze caressing your cheeks as if your mother giving you some love after a stressful day.

“Mom...Dad…I miss you…” You whispered. It’s not like anyone could hear you as every other sound was getting lost due the loud waves.

“They miss you too, you know.”

Your eyes shot open on hearing the voice. Looking at the side, you could see a boy staring at you with a pitiful expression. His voice was so melodious as if a siren suddenly appeared from the sea to accompany you. You wanted to be alone but somehow you were appreciating his presence on your side. He had that calmness which can ease your racing mind and his voice was as if could just silence the loud waves. Well, when he spoke, the only sound you could hear was his and the shore was strangely silent.

“Huh?”

Giving you a soft smile, he gave you a paper. Taking the paper from his hand, you could see how beautifully painted was the view with a girl facing the sea under the sun in an afternoon. Just like you. The difference was only you were in a gloomy mood and the girl in the painting was somewhat happy.

“Do you like it?”

“Hm. This is so nice. Have you painted it?”

“Yes. Just now when you were lost in your thoughts.”

“Uh y-yeah. The girl in this picture seems so lively unlike me.”

“Nothing is there to be sad you know. We should leave behind the past and stay happy with the ones you are currently with. Like these blue waves always washing the shore and keeping it look so refreshing so let your sad thoughts flow away with these waves and lock your memories safe.”

He came closer to your form, palm resting on your cheek, fingers brushing the dried-up tears.

“Let someone guide you to the right path when you are needed. Blue represents hope and let these blue waves give you some hope to be cheerful always.”

With a last glance, he went away leaving the piece of paper with you. Glancing to the corner of the paper, there was a signature with a name ‘Renjun.’

You have a new memory and interest to come to seaside often. Well, surprisingly everyday you would find that the boy be painting there as if he waiting for your arrival. The blue waves must have some magic with hopes.

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‘pretzel’ and ‘yoghurt shake’

Craving for snacks is a daily part of your life. Glancing at the clock you found out its already late night but it didn’t matter when the convenience store would be open whenever you would go there. So, just picking up your phone and wallet, you made up your mind to head out. Locking the door, you walked down the streets towards the store. The night was chilly unlike other days and you hugged yourself, also your heart suddenly racing for how unusually the place was quiet and dark a bit. Calming yourself, you hurriedly made your way when the neo signboard of the store was in your sight.

Quickly getting inside the store, the bell ringing alarming the person at counter of your arrival. She frowned while getting up as why you were breathing heavily. Asking you if you needed any help, you shook your head and waved your hands in front, laughing awkwardly and told that how everything was fine. You were well aware of the place that how it was so safe to roam around in late hours but still you felt that someone was following you and you couldn’t ignore how your heart was racing. Was it due to the fear or it was signalling something else? Shaking your doubts, you went towards your usual snack centre.

Eyes taking in all the products available and you could see how some things were out of stock and many were newly arrived. Some things were very new to you as you haven’t seen them before so you squinted your eyes to read the names as it was on a top shelf and the way light was falling on it, making it difficult to read.

“Dream Pretzel.”

You got startled when a husky and dark voice spoke behind you. Your back hit his chest and you quickly turned around hoping he would move away a bit before you could reply him. But no. He remained on his place and now you were looking up to his height and him towering you with a dark expression. You looked around you to see if anyone was watching you or not but thankfully you were alone with him. Thankfully? Alone? No, I should tell him to move.

“Can you please move back a bit? Thank you.”

His eyes scanning your face and you could feel he was not having any intention to move. Gulping you tried to push him, hands on his chest over his black t-shirt. He quickly took a hold of your wrist and gripped it tighter, you winced under his strong hold.

“I have to take the item from that shelf so its you who is blocking my way.”

Releasing a heavy breath, you made your attempt to move to the side but before you could, he raised his hands and pressed his body in front to grab a packet from the top shelf. You panicked and your eyes went wide due to his actions. Getting the item in his hold, he scooted backwards, giving you some space to breathe finally. You were frozen and mentally screaming what just happened right now. He stared at you intensely and under his gaze, you were feeling so exposed even when you were fully covered in hoodie and trouser. You avert your eyes away from him and with slow steps, you went to the other shelf.

Deciding on the item you wanted to pick for your craving, your view got blocked when suddenly a snack was placed in front of your eyes. Annoyedly, you craned to look who was the person. And. that boy again, but he was gesturing you to grab the item from his hand. You hesitantly held it and without speaking a word, he turned around. You looked down to the item and it was the pretzel.

“Thank you……”

“Jeno…..it’s nice….you will like the taste.”

A smile appeared on your face and with that you went towards the drink section. Oblivion to you, he was smiling all the way out of the store. Arriving to the drink section, to your disappointment, your favorite drink was not available so you decided to leave the drink for that day and just go back with hot sauce snack or maybe some other snacks. Satisfied with your decision, you grabbed some other things in your way to the counter, the cashier smiled at you. Scanning the items, you noticed how she kept the pretzel packet on the other side with a yoghurt shake. A frown appeared on your face and the cashier told you about the total cost.

“That pretzel?”

“Oh sure. Its yours but the boy came here before has already paid for it and another boy who was with him paid for the shake and asked me to give it you.”

“Another boy?”

“Hm. They were together and they bought these for themselves too. You must be close to them that they bought these for you and they come here often but I haven’t seen you with them anytime. Are you, their girlfriend?”

“What? No no. I- I don’t know them. We just met few minutes back….”

“Oh. Here is your item ma’am. Have a safe night ahead.”

After greeting each other goodbye, you made your way back on the same road which seems more-lonely than before. You felt that creepy feeling rising up your spines and goosebumps appearing on your skin when you felt eyes on you. Someone might be watching from the dark. But who? And why? Isn’t this place safe for the people but that feeling of being watched could not be ignored. Your attempt to run was interrupted when you felt a hand resting on your shoulder from behind.

“AAAAAAAHHH.”

“Shhh. Wow. You scream so loud.”

“W-who are you?”

A ghost? A kidnapper? A murderer? No no no. please why me?  You just wanted to have some time for yourself with snacks and binge watch dramas but you didn’t think of getting yourself in such situation anyhow.

“I am not a ghost.” In a weird accent, the voice spoke up and you somehow hoped the person to be ghost.

“Please…let me go…I want to go home.”

“I wont hurt you. I just want to say you something.”

You slowly turned around to meet the voice. You stared to the smiling face and his shining eyes under the streetlight, he looking so cute with that smile. You nodded to tell him to proceed whatever he wants to tell you. He glanced at your hand which was holding the items you bought previously.

“Drink that shake. It is a rare one and I know that you will like it.”

You glanced at the plastic bag in your hand and in confusion, you look towards him. You were still thinking how he knew about the shake as it was not visible from outside then it’s only possible if he was stalking you. The eyes watching you all these times must be him. Oh wait. This shake was given by someone then maybe he is that person but why he is approaching you like a creep. He could have offered you in that store in person and not mentioning about it here in the lonely streets. Well, lonely…his presence was no more making you feel alone rather you were at ease and feeling…safe. I should not feel this right now.

“Are you the person who bought me this?”

His smile widened and he was grinning towards you like a little boy who got his candy after whining for too long. He nodded and pinched your nose.

“That’s a gift for you. We are neighbours and I thought I should start our friendship like this.”

“Oh thanks.” You offered a kind smile to him. “But you could have given me before then we would have been friends then and there.”

“well, I was scared of the rejection and I’m kind of shy and also my friend was in hurry for something.”

“Okay.”

You nodded on his words. Suddenly, he came closer to you than before and you became cautious of the situation and scooted back. He noticed your action and a hurt expression appeared on his face but quickly he showed you his sweet smile. You awkwardly mimicked the smile when he offered his hand for a shake. Your mind recalled the situation with mark and a thought came across your mind that after that event how you are meeting so many new people in your life. Maybe, without your friend in the town, you are finally socializing with people. Unlike before, you gladly accepted his hand and shook with a shy and awkward smile.

“We are friends now. Myself Jaemin.”

“Nice to meet you Jaemin. This is Y/N.”

His grip tightened and he closed his eyes with a sly smile resting on his face. He was memorizing how you sweet voice voiced out his name and he could never be happier than hearing his name from you. Opening his eyes, he brought your hands up to his lips to press a soft kiss on your knuckles. You were lost in admiring his features that you didn’t notice his actions until you felt his cold lips against your skin. Shy? He is a damn flirt.

“Let’s head back home. Its pretty late. Even if the place is safe, you don’t know what mysteries are hiding behind the dark.”

Agreeing with him, you both went back to your way. Then, you noticed how he really was your neighbour but you didn’t come across with each other’s path before.

After that day, you somehow felt an eagerness to pass through the convenience store everyday after having the skating lesson with Mark in the park. On arriving everyday to the store, you could see Jaemin drinking a yoghurt milk and grinningly waiting for you and also, Jeno stealing glances from the side while being busy playing games on his phone. The must be very close with each other that they always being together.

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‘Poison’

Waiting. That’s what you were literally doing for past fifteen minutes but still not seeing any sight of the person. It’s quite a late afternoon and you were so happy today. Why? Just because you nowadays feel happy after coming from your daily tour from the seaside. And today, you spent a bit more time with that blue wave guy. You chuckled on your own thought as what a silly nickname you have given him. With a little pout, you shrink in your seat. He usually comes running to you when he would see you sitting there. You casted a glance to your skateboard and well you could see the teddy bear sticker on it and that was what Mark had sticked on it last day.

“So, who is that lucky person you are thinking about?”

Craning your neck, you could see a guy chewing a gum and giving you a teasing smirk and shielding his eyes with a sunglass. With striking a pose, he brushed his hairs backward and when he felt your eyes on him, his smirk became wide. With a striking walk, he came beside you and sat on the empty place.

“Who are you?”

“You don’t know me? That’s so bad.”

He asked you and fake gasped when you shook your head. He was reacting as if it’s your fault in not being aware of his status. A frown appeared on your face and your expressions were totally how you were judging his over dramatic self.

“Why is it important to know?”

Clearing his throat, he turned his body towards your direction, placing a hand on head of the seat and placing the leg over another, striking a sassy pose. You pressed your lips just to prevent yourself showing your annoyance to him and being rude on your first meeting.

“Everyone in this colony knows about me and I’m honestly surprised that you don’t know me.”

“Okay?”

“Yah! Why are you so casual about it? Don’t I stand out among all the boys here.”

Honestly, he stands out. It was because you haven’t encountered any other boy with such a unique personality who acts like this on their first meeting even with a girl. Every guy tries to be formal or shy when interacting but this boy was totally over confident about himself and somewhere deep inside you were enjoying his company while waiting for Mark. You laughed lightly at his annoyed expression but quickly regained your composure when you saw him taking off his sunglasses and glaring at you.

“So how was your little ride from seaside?”

“What?”

How does he know about you? You were literally scared when he asked it and you thought that he might be some kind of stalker who was acting dumb in front of you.

“I’m not a stalker. That’s a very cheap name for me. Haechan is my name. I’m friends with Renjun and Mark so I know you.”

“oh.” So, they have talked about me among themselves. Why? They haven’t mentioned about being known to each other. Oh wait. You haven’t told them about each other then why they will tell you. But this boy is telling that they have talked about you then they must know now.

“Take this, you are overthinking too much. It looks like you don’t interact with people that much and that’s how you think about all the worst possibilities of everything.”

You watched how he took out a gum strip from a small pocket sized box and offered you to take it. You stared at that.

“What if it’s poison and then you might kidnap me?”

“That’s true. But to your luck, I don’t carry those cheap and useless stuffs in my precious and luxury jacket’s pocket. You are the poison to my mind you know. When they talk about you, after that you are stuck in my head and it’s so relaxing to see the angel in person.”

Again, that damn smirk reappeared on his face.

“Also, I would not attempt to pull out such a stunt in front of these much of people, right my Y/N?”

Gesturing with his open palm to all the people spread across the park. He pointed with his chin to take the gum and you accepted it. Satisfied with you, he gave you a teasing grin and eyes scanned your form.

“Haechan. What are you doing here? And.... oh Y/N?”

“I was waiting for you Mark.” you smiled.

“And me being a gentleman was accompanying her unlike you who kept her waiting here for so long.”

“Oh me. I’m sorry. I was just stuck in an important work and couldn’t make it on time.”

Haechan made a ‘tsk’ sound and stared at him to which the latter glared at him and it was of no effect on him because he smiled back to him.

“it’s okay Mark. I was….enjoying his company.”

Damn. His smug face was mocking his friend whose coming late was up to his satisfaction that he got to spend time with you.

“I’m sorry Y/N but I cant spend time with you today as I have to go somewhere and I thought you must be here so I came running here to tell you.” He awkwardly smiled to you and shuffled his hairs and honestly you found it too attractive.

“it’s okay. I can understand.”

Hanging his arm around Haechan’s neck, he bid you goodbye and your eyes followed how they were fighting and bickering jokingly while making their way out of the park. Looking down to the gum in your hand, your eyes widen when a paper folded into tiny folds was attached to it. On unfolding it, you found out the scribbles on it and you giggled.

‘This is my number below. If he makes you wait again, call me and I will tell you about his whereabout. Save the number, ~Haechan.’

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‘Broken Melodies’

Suddenly today you are feeling to go through the confession page of your office. One might wonder as if why you were suddenly wanting to go through that site when you are never really interested in those stuffs. Well, the real matter was that you heard a rumor that one of your mangers has proposed his employee and everyone was fangirling over the fact. Surprisingly, even you. You were not expecting something like that for you but was really curious on the fact that how does that page look like. How people actually confess there? As far as You heard, the manager was an anonymous character there then how come everyone knows about it? Did that girl inform them?

You took your laptop and sat comfortably leaning to the headboard with it on your lap. You remembered the name of the page and typed in your Instagram account. The account popped up and you quickly clicked on it. You opened the first post and read the confession. You giggled on the cute message. Eyes reading all the posts when suddenly a particular post made you stop. The person had mentioned his name, well only his account name on Instagram ‘Broken melodies’.

I fell in love again, with her...again. I tried everyday to teach me how to unlove someone. Looking up to the sky, I have told myself countable times that I am capable of leaving her there. But… I cant get her out of my mind even if I hate her. I hate when I see those eyes staring back at me as if I am a stranger and we never knew each other. Whenever she comes near to me, those memories come across my mind along with her presence. Huh! Then only I can realize how I have treasured every moment spend together. Maybe we have made some mistakes back then and I should keep in mind not to repeat them again when she is close to me again. Again, in my life. I want to keep her with me. She is my everything but I’m just a stranger to her. I want to spend my every seven days of a week with you. Can we turn it back again?

I want to sing to her and see her smile again. Those admiration for me in her eyes, I miss them. My songs were the most melodious tunes with her but they are just the broken melodies without her.

“Oh damn. Who is this? I want her to get back to him. I don’t want him to sing alone, she should see this. But I haven’t heard any break up story in our work place.”

Thinking on the gossips you heard all in the past and recently, you tried to remember any story like this. Oh wait. Then this person has a lover from outside the work place.

Smiling, you like the post and commented.

‘You will get her soon.’

Within two minutes, you got a notification from Instagram and it was of someone liked your comment and when you opened the banner, it was from ‘Broken Melodies’.

Somewhere in a cold room, a smiling boy smiling and staring at his phone in his hand on reading a comment. He quickly liked it and sent a follow request to the account. Found it. He shook his head when he realised how he was smiling like a fool, maybe a fool in love.

“Chenle…Why are you smiling at the screen? What’s there so interesting that you couldn’t hear me calling out your name?”

“I have found her profile.”

“Whose?”

“Y/N.”

The latter boy just shook his head but not because he thought his friend was silly but he was going to ask him for the profile and the owner of that account later that night.

“Are you coming?”

“YES. HAECHAN!”

“You didn’t have to scream so loud. Aish, my ears will bleed soon.”

Chenle started laughing on seeing his friend’s dramatic attempt to press his palms over his ears and fake crying that he couldn’t hear anything anymore.

You accepted the profile when you thought he must be another worker from your office as all other employees you know were already friends with him. This is how the story begins with the pages being turned over to the initial.

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‘Starry night’

“Have you ever wondered if anybody is looking back to from up there?”

You turned to your supposed to be high school classmate. He was already staring at the sky and was attempting to count the stars. Your thoughtful expression glanced at him and avert your eyes back to the sky.

Is there?

“I don’t know….”

“There is someone or should say some people.”

His eyes taking in the view, how the moonlight falling over you and you were still managing to glow. To some other eyes, you might be a common person standing to the side leaning against the pillar on the bridge with your boyfriend but to him you were the most shining star under the night sky at that moment. He met you at the bus stand few days back when you were returning from your work and he was so happy to meet you after so many years. You were confused when he first introduced himself but you then realised that he was the quiet and nerdy boy in your class.

It was Sunday evening when you both decided to have a meet up to chat and relive those old school memories. He was still a shy boy but you saw how he has gained so much confidence unlike before because of which he could approach you that day.

“You are telling it the way as if you are sure and can prove it if possible.”

“I can.”

“huh?’

“There are many things you still don’t know, Y/N.”

“And you know?”

“Perhaps yes.”

“Jisung?”

“Hm…”

“Have you lost someone to up there?”

Silence. That's what you got in return after you asked the question to him. You casted a worried glance towards him to see if you have crossed your boundaries and asked any question that might be too sensitive to him in some ways. When you were about to apologize to him, he turned around and cupped your face and you watched how a tear fell sliding through his cheeks, the end of tear line reflecting the moonlight.

“Yes. A very precious one.”

“Can’t you………get back them again?”

“I have got her back again. Very close to my heart and the person will be there with me all night long under this starry blanket of the night sky.”

“That’s really nice.”

……………………..

Your hands went up to touch your cheeks and felt tears falling, similarly the way you had seen on Jisung’s face. Why are you crying? It was not you who lost someone except your parents but the way he was saying those words while staring directly to your eyes felt so real like as if he was directing the words to you.

You glanced at the clock and it was already so late and you looked at the snacks kept on the table which you bought from the store before calling your friend. When the clock shows how late you were and the nest day you need to wake up early for your work, you realised you were zoning out for too long, thinking about the encounters with these seven boys. The encounters were like a dream occurring in the reality.

Arranging everything as per your routine before bed, you went on to have a sleep to rest your mind and body after having your little trips to different places.

You have to arrange the pieces to the puzzle of your life. These boys seem like the missing puzzle pieces and are to fix your life into a final piece.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Taglist: @mymoodwriting @justhere4kpop @vvshere @anyamaris @yeoobin @icchyi @jwnghyuns @piratequeen-queenofgames @dinonuguaegi @oreharuuu @eriny123 @jaehunnyy @is4b3ll3s @she-is-dreaming

(Open! Send ask/reply/dm)

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[maximoffcarter]

5...4...3...2...1.

Pairings: Casey Novak x Alex Cabot

Warnings: Panic attack, mentions of anxiety.

Summary: Alex knew what an anxiety attack was, and she learned to deal with them alone. But now, she had Casey.

A/n: A soft (bit angsty?) Calex fic where Alex has a panic attack. Our cute buddle of anxiety. Thanks to the anon for requesting this! I pretended that Casey was never suspended and our fave lesbians started working together since before hehe. Keep the requests coming you guys! Enjoy and leave your comments, reblogs, hearts, whatever you'd like, will be very much appreciated🫶🏻

*not my gif*

A panic attack is a brief episode of intense anxiety, which causes physical sensations of fear. That was the definition that was stuck in Alex’s mind since she can remember. She looked it up in a dictionary one time in college after feeling like passing out after an important exam. She had heard a girl mentioning it, that she’s had panic attacks before, but she never experienced one. But she figured hers had just been anxiety and stress related, so she never thought about it again. Years later, she saw one of the victims having a panic attack right before she was going to testify, and she didn’t know what to do, but thankfully, Olivia had been there. She saw how Olivia knelt down with her and tried to talk her through it, and then when the girl finally focused her eyes back on Olivia, she started asking questions for the girl to focus on her surroundings. They were very similar to anxiety attacks, and now she wondered if she had ever had one, but she would know, she knew anxiety attacks perfectly. She kept in mind that she needed to learn how to be there for the victims, learn techniques or anything in case this happened while she was alone with them, because she knew this was not going to be the last time that she saw one.

Years later, she had managed to help one or two victims go through what she recognized as an anxiety attack, and this had also been to her favor since she had been able to recognize and end her own. Years of being alone, she had to learn how to control her own anxiety, because sometimes pills didn’t really work and plus insomnia, it wasn’t the best feeling in the world. In so many cases, defence attorneys had tried to use either insomnia or anxiety as they excuse for murder, rape, or any other crime, and Alex joked about how she had both and she was still somehow sane, but the reality is that she didn’t wish neither of them to anyone, not even her worst enemy. She suffered long nights of sleepless nights, crying, heavy breathing, headaches, sweating, etc. Normally, when she knew an anxiety attack was coming, she felt dizzy and her head started hurting badly, so she either locked herself in her office or when she was alone in her apartment, she made sure she was in her bed or sometimes even in the bathroom in case she needed to splash some water in her face. She had learned to deal with it. To deal with the daily pills.

When Casey and Alex got together, it had been before she had to leave for Witness Protection, she had met Casey while they were both waiting in courtroom for arraignments, Casey was waiting for Mary and Alex was just waiting for her case to be next, so they sat down and talked for a bit. Then they met for some drinks, they shared college stories finding out that they could’ve met any time, but fate had been a bitch back then until now. The second night they went for drinks, Casey went back to Alex’s and that’s when their hookups started; when Alex’s anxiety decreased. They’d see each other every other night, whenever they were free, sometimes when they just had a small break or when they needed each other. But then Alex had to die. She had broken the rules and she had called Casey to let her know she was alive, she couldn’t bare the thought of leaving Casey and make her think that she was dead, it was enough that they had taken her life from her, she wouldn’t be able to live with the thought that Casey believed she was gone.

Her anxiety increased drastically. A whole year on her own, avoiding meeting anyone new or talking to anyone because she feared that anyone would want to kill her or do something to her and that was the worst she had ever felt. Then she was back with Casey, even if it was for a week only, she had felt some sort of relief; being back in Casey’s arms, feeling her warmth, her presence, her scent, just having her there by her side. And then back to her nightmare, for 2 more years. At some point she thought this was her life now, running away, hiding forever, her anxiety killing her day by day, but when she was finally told that she could go back to New York, that she was out of risk, things seemed to be a bit better. Once she was back to New York, Hammond thought the first thing Alex would do was go back to get her job back, or at least be able to be part of the DA’s office in some level, but no. Her first stop was Casey’s apartment.

She had been so nervous going back there after 2 years, she thought maybe that Casey had gotten over her, after all, they had never said anything about being exclusive or they put a label on what they were when Alex was still in New York before the whole nightmare, but deep inside, she wished that Casey would still want her, or at least be willing to accept Alex back in her life. She would accept anything, as long as she had Casey back in her life. Alex knocked on the door softly, waiting patiently for Casey. As she heard footsteps approaching the door, she feared that it was someone else and not Casey, feeling a tight pressure on her chest as she closed her eyes. But then, she heard that voice that had become music to her ears, she opened her eyes and there she was.

“Alex.” Casey breathed out, a smile on her face. “You’re back.”

Alex smiled softly as she felt tears rolling down her cheeks. “I am.”

Casey didn’t waste more time and placed her hands on Alex’s neck, bringing her close to her and closing the gap between them. And right there, that pressure Alex felt on her chest, was long gone as she placed her hands on Casey’s waist and pulled her impossibly closer to her, kissing her back. Her mind still annoyed her a bit as the stood in Casey’s doorway kissing, anyone could see them, but also she didn’t care one bit. She was back with Casey. Casey was happy to see her. She had missed this feeling; she missed feeling safe. They finally pulled away and chuckled like two teenagers as they stared into each other’s eyes, both women feeling like it was just a dream and they’d soon wake up to find it was not real. But it was very real.

Alex smiled as she pulled away slightly. “You look so beautiful.” She chuckled softly.

“So do you.” Casey smiled as she stroked her cheeks. “You haven’t changed.”

Alex shrugged. “One or two wrinkles.”

Casey rolled her eyes. She then smiled at Alex, her hands dropping to Alex’s.  “Come on in?”

“I’d love to.” Alex smiled as she let Casey pull her inside.

Casey closed the door and then turned to look at Alex. “You’re…here to stay…right?”

Alex smiled softly, her whole body feeling warm as she nodded. “Yes. I’m never leaving again. I mean-“ she shrugged. “Unless you…you don’t want me here, then I-“

Casey grabbed her by her waist and pulled her against her body, kissing her lips softly. “You really think I’ll let you go again? You’re out of your mind if you think I’ll do that.” She grinned.

“I’d have to sue you if you do.” Alex smirked as she pulled her back for another kiss.

********************

A whole year had passed since Alex was back in New York, she still took some time to adjust once again, feeling so weird to be back, feeling like she had never been here when this had been the place she had known her whole life. But with the help of Casey, things seemed a bit better. A month or so later, she was offered to be back to the DA’s office, coming to an agreement that she would be sharing cases with Casey, and honestly, that was the best offer they could’ve told Casey because she as loaded with cases, and having Alex there with her, it was definitely a win. Alex started slow once she went back to the office; a whole new office, a whole new rhythm at work, new faces, there were just a lot of new things. At first it felt overwhelming, but Casey made sure to be there at every step of the way so Alex wouldn’t feel like she was lone.

Casey knew about her anxiety, Alex had been honest about it since they met. At first hesitant, thinking maybe Casey would feel like it was too much for her and she’d want to run away from it, but Casey stayed, she always stayed. Casey made sure to be there on her first return to court, and hell, was she happy that Casey had been there, she had felt so safe, she could definitely say that Casey was her lucky charm. But after that, she felt like she was back in her element, and everything seemed to be okay, everything was back to normal, she felt like she had gotten her life back.

It wasn’t until a few weeks ago when they got this big case that ended up including around 5 murders and two rapes, Casey had been busy in another case, so Alex had been the one to take it. Everything was going smoothly, the squad had found enough evidence for them to get somewhere and build a strong case, but just like every good start, there has to be bump, and that’s when things started to look a bit rocky, and the stress and pressure started. At first, it felt very familiar, this stress and pressure that she experienced every single day, bad news after bad news coming from the squad and ruining her case. It was the first time in a while that she had stayed in the office late at night, alone. Normally she stayed with Casey or even Olivia and Amanda, but today, she was completely alone. At first it seemed okay, she got some work done and let Olivia know that she needed more and to please call her if they found anything new.

She went back home, letting Casey know that she was on her way, and she’d order some food for them once she knew Casey was on her way back home too. Just as Alex closed the door of the apartment, she groaned because she had a hard time locking it, feeling her hands going numb for a moment, dropping her briefcase and her coat to the floor, not even caring. She walked to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, sighing heavily as she started unbuttoning her shirt. She tried to focus on what was happening to her, but her head was spinning around and with each step she took, she felt herself sweating more and more. Was she having an anxiety attack? No. It couldn’t be. She was a bit stressed but other than that, she had been feeling okay all day, or…fine. Maybe she needed her pills, but it had been a while since she’s felt like this. For a moment she got to focus on what she was doing, so she had the glass of water and drank it all, but then it’s when it started to get worse.

She felt her heartbeat raising, and she started to hyperventilate pretty quickly. She was confused as to what was happening, she had never felt like this. She tried to think back on how her anxiety attacks worked, but they were so different, it was stupid because she knew anxiety attacks could present differently, but hers were always the same, she recognized them. This was not an anxiety attack…this was a panic attack. Before she knew it, she was able to get to the couch, trying to sit down but instead of the couch, she landed on the floor. She tried to take off her blouse, almost ripping her as she felt like she couldn’t breathe, and tears starting rolling down her cheeks. She didn’t know how long she was there for, she felt like it had been an eternity, and then she felt a pair of hands on her. She looked up to find Casey kneeling right in front of her, she could see her lips moving but she couldn’t make up the words. She felt dizzy, she kept hyperventilating, and the tears wouldn’t stop coming.

Next thing she knew, she felt something cold on her hands and her neck and for a moment she panicked because she thought she had started sweating cold, but for a moment she came back to her senses to find out that Casey had put some ice cubes on her hands on was running one behind her neck. Alex stared at her, breathing heavily, her chest going up and down as she tried to talk to Casey.

“C-Case-“

“I’m here. Can you hear me?” Alex nodded softly as she kept breathing heavily. “Okay. We’re gonna try something, okay? I need you to look around and try to focus on 5 things around the room. Anything.”

At first Alex was confused but she started looking around the room; the TV was one, the lamp that she had bought 2 weeks ago just because she liked it and thought it was perfect for their living room, all the books that they had put together making Casey joke about them having a library of law, the vase that Casey had said so many times that she didn’t like but still accepted it because Alex loved it, and finally her eyes landed on the picture frame that Casey had gotten on Valentine’s day, a day in central park, just the two of them.

Casey watched as Alex’s eyes moved around the room and focused on each thing, she gave her a moment before she nodded. “Okay, now, baby. I need you to tell me 4 sounds that you can hear right now.”

Alex looked back at Casey and closed her eyes for a moment. “Uh…outside…the…the traffic.” She shook her head. “Annoying.”

Casey nodded, holding back her chuckle. “Anything else?”

“The uh…the fridge. It makes…it m-makes a weird sound.”

“Yes, it does sometimes. What else?”

Alex groaned a bit as she tried to find anything else. “The neighbors. Their steps. I-It’s like they…they never stop w-walking around.”

Casey nodded as she smiled a bit. “One more thing, Lex.”

Alex opened her eyes to look at Casey. “Your voice.”

Casey smiled softly. “Yes, I’m talking. That’s great baby. Now.” She got her briefcase from the couch and opened it trying to get whatever she had inside, emptying it on the floor beside them. “I need you to find three objects and feel them.”

Alex looked down at the floor and started to grab whatever she could find. She first grabbed a clip, Casey always kept some just in case, but they ended up all over her briefcase. Then she grabbed her pen, it was Casey’s favorite pen. Alex bought 10 different ones, but she had preferred Alex’s and she said it was her favorite because it was Alex’s favorite, so she gave it to her. And the third thing was a ball. She furrowed her brows and looked up at Casey.

Casey shrugged. “I forgot to put it in my other bag.” Alex huffed a chuckle, making Casey chuckle too. “Okay, we’re almost done. Can you tell me two things that you can smell?”

Alex smiled softly. “Your perfume. I love it. And uh…Cinnabon rolls?”

Casey nodded as she smiled. “Yes. And last thing…” she grabbed a candy that she had on the small table and unwrapped it for Alex. “Tell me how this tastes.”

Alex grabbed the candy and put it in her mouth, sighing softly at the taste of peppermint. “It’s peppermint. My favorite.” She smiled softly.

Casey nodded as she smiled. “Yes. Your favorite.” She placed her hand on Alex’s cheek and stroked it softly. “Welcome back.”

Alex stared into Casey’s eyes and then noticed that she had stopped trembling and hyperventilating. She took a deep breath and then breathed out, smiling softly. “How did you…”

“I’ve been reading about it. Anxiety and panic attacks. It can work for both. I think there was a different one but…this is the one I could come up with.”

“And the ice?”

Casey grabbed a small towel she had brought with her when she had gone for the ice, drying Alex’s hands and then moving her hair to the side to dry the back of her neck, kissing the side of her head softly. “The ice works to bring you back to your senses. Your body reacts.” Casey smiled.

Alex tilted her head as she smiled. “I think you picked the wrong career.”

Casey rolled her eyes playfully. “I’m sure Huang could recommend a good school for me, so I start my studies. Fuck law.” She placed her hand again on Alex’s cheek and stroked it tenderly.

Alex laughed softly, leaning into Casey’s hand, smiling as Casey kissed her forehead softly. “Thank you.” She whispered softly afterwards.

“You have nothing to thank me. I’ve got you.” Casey whispered against her forehead, kissing it again.

“I don’t know what happened.”

Casey sighed softly. “Liv told me you’ve been pretty stressed about this case. Maybe it built up without you noticing. You’ve been sleeping less, I’ve noticed.”

Alex nodded. “Could be that.” She sighed as she looked up at Casey again. “This was not an anxiety attack.”

“I know.” Casey smiled softly.

“I don’t know what I would do without you.” Alex smiled.

Casey scrunched her nose. “You’d definitely be bored for life, and you’d be miserable without me.”

Alex slapped her arm playfully laughing softly. “You’re a comedian too?”

“Some nights.” Casey shrugged as she smiled. “Are you okay?”

Alex took a deep breath and smiled as she nodded. “I am. I’m feeling much better.”

“Good. Do you want to try to get up?” Alex nodded softly and Casey proceeded to stand up, offering her hands to Alex to help her get up. Once she was sure Alex could stand on her own, she ran her hands through Alex’s hair, pushing it out of her face. “Hi.”

Alex smiled softly. “Hi.” She leaned in and kissed her lips softly. “I’m definitely feeling better.”

“Good.” Casey smiled. “How about we take a shower and then we order some food? I did bring dessert.”

Alex nodded softly. “I like the sound of that.”

Casey kissed her lips one more time before she grabbed Alex’s hand and walked with her to their bedroom. Alex had never experienced a panic attack before, and she knew that she had to talk about it sooner or later, but Casey was so patient with her,  she had been so calm and sweet. Casey was everything that Alex could’ve asked for and more, and she knew that she was not alone. Casey would always be there by her side.

[kubrickscube]

Life as a Pisces Rising

I saw this post by crystalsenergy explaining the houses of each rising sign in full detail. I thought of making my own version of this but since the post follows Hellenistic astrology, I'll just put my own experience living as one.

I'll base everything that I put here on crystalsenergy's post. So I suggest that you read the linked post first before reading mine. Also, I will be talking about my natal chart (placements, aspects, and whatnot), which means most of the stuff written here will most likely not resonate with you (it might if you're a pisces rising as well).

This is the closest that you can get in regard to my natal chart.

Ascendant in Pisces - my other half and I went on vacation last week (I started this in April btw, and I'm now posting this in June LMAO), and every tour guide that we had would always happily converse with me when the other guests are enjoying themselves. Of course, it is their job to entertain tourists, but a tour guide opened up to me about a previous tourist who humiliated her for the reason the tourists did it themselves.

Aries in the 2nd House - my clothes and the way I look speak for me about how I feel every day. I never look at brands or the price of every item that I purchase, as long as I like it, I must have it. I agree with the impulsive part, but I also know when to stop spending and start saving my resources.

Taurus in the 3rd House - when faced with someone I dislike, I'm great with spewing bullshit. People had to wait 10 seconds before they hear me answer their questions. I am a slow talker, I admit. I'm also a visual learner, it just makes sense to see what you have to do before you do it yourself.

Gemini in the 4th House - my parents would always say to me that I have to adapt to my surroundings, and I've followed that advice ever since. I found out that my mind would change quickly when it comes to decisions and opinions, not so much on the emotional side.

Cancer in the 5th House - children stick to me, no matter if they only just met me today, to the point where they try and imitate what I'm doing. When drinking, I would also become the mom of the group; no matter how drunk I am I will make sure they get to their homes safe and sound.

Leo in the 6th House - you're damn right if you think that I take pride in my work when it comes to the corporate world. I take great offense when someone tells me my work isn't up to standard when I know I've been busting my ass for 10 hours straight. Please don't let your jobs overwork you, I only do this thing just so I can take my sweet sweet vacation after.

Virgo in the 7th House - 70% of my friends are Virgos. No matter where I go, I would always end up meeting a Virgo. I like being with the mutable swiffers, even though the conversations that I would always have with them would consist of roasting whatever the other is doing.

Libra in the 8th House - as much as I hate people being nosy when it comes to my financial matters, I sometimes take their advice just so I don't spend it on a day.

Scorpio in the 9th House - I'd say this part caused me too many ego deaths in one lifetime. I can also safely say that I hate people who do not share the same belief that I have. I won't force my views on them, but I won't get into theirs either.

Sagittarius in the 10th House: I dreamt of becoming an archaeologist when I was young. I still do. The fact that some people get to excavate some shit and discover key points in our history makes me furious and jealous. I would give up my book collection just so I can go on one of their expeditions.

Capricorn in the 11th House: The only time that I ever cut off long-time friends was when I was going through my second 12th profection year. Only one person that I consider my friend knows my birth date and has met my family. I may be welcoming, but you wouldn't know what my favorite color is or my favorite dish.

Aquarius in the 12th House: It might be my Sun in Aries talking, but nothing good happens if you let your current predicament drag you down, might as well take it in stride. I know my emotions, I know what I believe in, and I know that there's still a lot to learn in life.

I compared my life experiences with two other Pisces rising. The first one told me that while he opened up quickly, he found it easy to open up to those older than him compared to those around his age range. And while he's fine with other people knowing how much he makes, he absolutely hates it when someone tries to ask for something that he owns, even touching it despite telling that person no would send him into a furious rage.

The second one, while we have similar experiences with Gemini in the 4th, majority of their childhood consisted of living with their extended family, making them close to their family. And while I like to travel for knowledge, they are content in staying here in the country, although I noticed that the career they took was focused on introducing our culture to foreigners (no, I do not know as I forgot the specific name for it).

Thank you for taking the time to read this! Comments are welcomed here in this household, though I may not be able to reply immediately.... because.... reasons... Nah, I started to play Stardew Valley and I am i m m e r s e d. Team Harvey all the way!

[darkwolf989]

Outside The Office Part Twenty Two

Hi All,

SO GLAD I got so many comments and likes on the last chapter- I hope y'all enjoy it! Trigger warning for body image issues and disordered ideas of what is healthy.

As always, please feel free to drop a comment, a DM or an ask if you have a situation you want Val and Reader to explore together- from shopping to sex, nothing is off limits!

Enjoy!

An hour to the dot later, Lucifer appeared in the living room. Val had left me behind as soon as breakfast was eaten with a kiss and a promise to make good on his words. As soon as he left I changed into the required attire and let myself lounge on the couch and scroll aimlessly through sinstergram while I waited. 

“Well, I see you look ready,” Lucifer said drily as his eyes raked over me. 

I looked up at him from where I laid on the couch. Dressed in black leggings, a tank top and sneakers I assumed my relaxed position was what he was referring to. I rolled to the side and walked towards him as I tucked my phone in my pocket. 

“Ready when you are. Where are we going anyway?” I asked as he opened a portal. “Soul collecting?”

“No. And don’t call it that. We don’t collect souls, we contract souls.” He paused but shook his head, “I mean, we technically collect them but don’t call it that. I don’t like it.”

I stared at him. Even for Lucifer, that comment was weird. “Alright then, where are we going?” 

“To see exactly where your military skills lie- and where you need to improve,” he answered. 

His gaze fell to my wrist, and then to my collarbone. Wordlessly, he brushed his finger against both. 

The bruising and pain vanished instantly. 

“It’s only temporary. Won’t last more than a few hours, but at least I can get an assessment of your full, uninjured body, ” he said easily. “Word on the street is that you were one of the most ferocious angels to ever see combat.”

I didn’t answer. Extermination wasn’t something I participated in, but battling demons who encroached on our territory? That was something I did in my younger years. Mercilessly, and without thought- just as my father had taught me. But the hours I used to spend training were now spent doing much less physical tasks- modeling for Velvette, reading contacts or doing office work for Vox, and of course, studio time with Valentino. I may have been continuing to work out for a few hours a day out of habit, but I was nowhere near where I used to be. 

I stepped through the portal behind Lucifer and looked around. The room was large, with mats shoved against one side and an assortment of weapons on the far wall. I eyed them. Crossbow. Sword. Gun. All things I could easily handle. 

Lucifer gave me a look. “Don’t even think about it. Today is an assessment of your physical skills and fitness. Not how well you can aim a gun. That comes later, I promise. Follow me.” 

I followed him through the door in the back and stepped into another room, this one fully matted, lit only by electric blue light. 

“This is my own personal creation,” Lucifer said proudly. “Over the course of the next few minutes you’ll be surrounded by enemies that feel as real as you and I are. But that’s the kicker- they’re not! That being said, every punch, every kick, every action you give or take will feel real, though at the end that pain will vanish. I strongly suggest you fight as though your life depends on it- the longer you last, the stronger the enemies. And again, I promise you no actual harm will come to you. Go stand in the center of the room.”

I did as I was told and looked around at the matted walls. A sense of unease washed over me as they flickered that same electric blue. 

“I’m going to stand in this corner right and send enemies your way. Fight like you would any other battle. I’ll call time when you’re officially dead.” Lucifer said. 

Faceless black figures filled the room. I allowed my instincts to take over. The first punch hit me in the gut thirty seconds in and I doubled over as pain shot through me. Fuck, he wasn’t kidding when he said they felt real. It was like fighting my own father, or one of the other top angels. Behind me, I felt hands grab my hair. I reached behind and yanked the shadowy being flipping it on its back as hard as I could. It vanished.

“Kill one.” a robotic voice rang out. 

Lucifer clapped his hands together. “Excellent job dear, keep going.” 

I dodged the next, and fought as hard as I could until a searing pain shot through my chest. I gasped and dropped to the floor.

“Time till death. Two minutes and forty seven seconds.” the voice rang out. 

“Oh reader, that was sorely disappointing. You’re going to have to do better than that, “ Lucifer tisked. 

Bright white lights flooded the room and he strode over to where I lay. The pain vanished but I still struggled to catch my breath, my muscles sore from the exertion. Lucifer extended his hand and helped me to my feet. 

“That was…less than impressive, my dear.” he reiterated with a shake of his head. He pressed his finger against the pulse point on my neck and looked at his watch. “I would toss you back out again, but a muscle tear would only further delay us. And judging by how slowly your heart rate is going down, I would strongly suggest conditioning yourself over the next two weeks. We can reassess then. I’d like to teach you how to utilize the power you hold, but I’m afraid we can’t do that quite yet. You’re just not physically ready.”

I must have looked dejected because he gently ruffled my hair. “Enough of that. Just because you toss inebriated demons through a wall, doesn’t mean your stamina is the same as it used to be. Follow me, I want you to see one of my staff doctors before I send you back home. Make sure you’re physically unharmed.” 

The familiar portal opened and I followed him without protest, my mind reeling with both anger and disappointment at myself. I knew how to fight, I was strong, respected, and feared. Or at least, I used to be. 

I stepped into what looked like a hospital room. Lucifer flung himself into one of the chairs and pulled out his phone. As the doctor performed his physical, he glanced up every now and then but quickly went back to typing.When I was told I was cleared of all major health issues, Lucifer stood up and tucked his phone into his jacket pocket. 

“Alright then, let’s get you home, shall we? Again, condition- hard- for the next two weeks. We’ll repeat the same process again then, hopefully with better results.” 

I followed him back through the portal, a dark cloud of shame hanging over my head. As I stepped into the apartment I was hit with the smell of vanilla cake. Velvette sat on the couch, salad in one hand and phone in the other. At least four stacks of pancakes covered the coffee table, accompanied by what looked like banana bread and cookies. 

“Glad you’re here. Vox is in a tizzy.” Velvette grumbled without looking up. 

“What’s his problem?” I asked as I surveyed the scene. I could see Vox whisking something in a bowl. Cookie dough maybe, or brownie batter. 

“My problem?! My problem is that fucker has made his way back to hell and now I have a fucking issue!” Vox hollered from the kitchen. 

Velvette rolled her eyes. Lucifer looked amused. 

“Who….exactly is that fucker?” I asked.

“Alastor.” Velevette and Lucifer answered in unison. 

“Radio demon.” Velvette explained as she stood up, her bowl empty. “They used to be friends until…”

“Until shit hit the fan. But we have bigger issues that I know were caused by him. Like the angels that killed your father and half of the angelic military have been spotted swooping through our fucking skies. And is it really that much of a stretch to notice that Alastor shows up at the same time? I think the fuck not.” Vox shouted over the oven timer. “Where the fuck are the chocolate chips? We can’t be out of them! Velvette! Come take the cake out of the oven before it burns! I need help!”

“In more ways than one,” she muttered as she walked towards the kitchen. “Settle down Vox, I got it.” 

His words snapped me to attention. “They’re here? The angels that killed my father? Here in hell?”

“I mean, they were. I made quick work of them this morning, but you- you need to get your shit together Princess. We are running on a timeline here.” Lucifer said in an unhurried voice.  “Why do you think I pulled you today? And I’m glad I did- you have work to do.” He studied my body and crossed his arms. “You’re not exactly getting tubby, but those muscles could use some work along with your fitness level.”  He checked his watch, and mumbled under his breath. “I gotta go. See you soon, I expect improvement in two weeks' time.” 

He vanished and I stared at the place where he stood. First the physical failure, and now he was insulting me? I felt the heat burn in my cheeks. Had I really let myself go that much? 

“That was mildly rude.” Velvette said as she strode back to the couch. She flopped down and pulled her phone back out. “Care to elaborate?” 

“Not really, I need some time to myself.” I replied as I turned down the hallway to my bedroom. 

Vox yelled something and she walked back to the kitchen,her attention effectively diverted. I closed and locked the door behind me. Standing in front of the mirror, stripped myself down to nothing and studied the reflection within.  As pretty as my hair and skin were, my body told a different tale. My stomach was definitely softer, my curves more prominent. My face, as clear as my skin was, was definitely rounder, an indication of the fat gained and the muscle lost. My arms, once solid, were less muscular, and my entire frame less defined. The guilt that washed over me with Lucifer flooded me now. I bit back my tears of frustration. They wouldn't solve anything- I needed a plan. 

As I dressed for the gym, I thought back on how we trained new recruits- soldiers who did less than I did on a daily basis. By hell’s standards, it would probably be considered cruel. I grabbed a notebook, outlining the plan as I remembered it. Reading it back to myself, even I had to admit it was brutal, that was for sure, but also proven time and time again. Sure, I had done it to newbie soldiers a thousand times before, but never to myself. How bad could it actually be?

Find their breaking point, my father fathers voice echoed in my head. Push them until they pass out, puke or die. And then push them harder the next time. Eventually their body will break and something stronger will take its place. 

I quietly slipped out of the apartment and headed down to the gym. To my relief, neither Vox nor Velvette were anywhere to be found.  With the exception of several of Velvette’s models, I was alone in the gym. Perfect. 

I picked up a garbage can and hesitated. I knew what was to come, and the concern that Valentino would find out and be less than enthusiastic flitted through my mind. I wondered what he would think of the whole process, but quickly decided it was in my best interest to not find out. I set the garbage pail next to the treadmill and I climb on. My wireless earphones synched up to a playlist and I let myself fall into the rhythm of a run. A mile passed. Then two. Then six. The machine didn’t stop and neither did I. 

I felt the first twinge of exhaustion around mile ten but pushed on. My chest burned as I tried to keep my breathing regulated and my focus elsewhere. Angels were made for endurance, far beyond that of any human. I wasn’t quite sure where demon stamina came in but as mile thirteen passed I felt my body start to give up. Much like I pushed the new recruits I pushed myself to hit the next ten mile goal. 

Blackness. Tripping. I grabbed hold of the machine and hit the emergency stop button, gasping for air. I grabbed the garbage can I had strategically placed and coughed until my stomach was empty. Fuck, this sucked beyond words. 

I pulled myself back up and wiped my mouth with a tissue, tossing that in the garbage along with several others. In the back of my mind I could hear my fathers disappointed voice. How I let myself get weak. How absolutely unacceptable my performance was. I sat at the edge of the treadmill and took a sip of water. Much like I had seen in the recruits, the first sip came right back up. I waited a few moments. The second sip stayed down. With that settled, I scribbled down in my notebook how far I had run and how long it had taken me. I took another sip of water and when I was sure that would stay down, I pulled myself back to my feet and headed for the weights. 

An hour and a half later I stood under the hot water of the shower, scrubbing every inch of my body. Physically, my muscles ached and I felt nauseous. But mentally? I was prouder of myself than I had been in a long time. My notebook was tucked securely away in my gym bag, not that I honestly thought any of the Vee’s would go looking for it, notice or care. But to be on the safe side, I didn’t need them to know. If I was being honest with myself, I was afraid of what they would have to say. A soft knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts.

“Princessa?” Valentino asked, “can I come in?”

I took a deep breath. His voice reminded me of the next issue to be addressed, one I couldn’t hide. Something would have to be done about the calorie laden pasta dinners we ate more often than not and Valentino had a history of noticing what I did and didn’t eat. Maybe I could just explain to him what happened and tell him I was trying to eat healthier and build muscle. Not bring up the exercise part, but at least I could be transparent in this regard.

“Come on in Val,” I answered as I turned the water off. I heard the door open and shut. I stepped out of the shower and he handed me a towel. His eyes softened as he took in the sight of my body and I felt myself flush. Why didn’t he see the shameful issues that I saw?

“You look exhausted, babydoll,” he observed. His hand pressed against my forehead and ran down my cheek. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Yeah,” I lied as I wrapped my towel around myself. “Just tired. I had a long day.” I filled him in on the events of the day with Lucifer and left out his comment about my body, and the part about the workout after. I watched for his reaction. 

His expression remained neutral and he pressed his lips to my forehead and wrapped me in his arms. “Baby, I’m sorry you had such a hard day. How can I help?” 

I felt a pang of something I couldn’t identify. Shame? Guilt? I closed my eyes against him. Better to just spit it out. 

“Val, will it be an issue for me to stick with salads and chicken, fresh fruit, eggs, that sort of thing? And cut back on the alcohol? At least, while I work on getting my muscle back? I’ll feel better than if I eat pasta and pancakes.” I waited for his reaction, for him to yell at me about wanting to control what I ate. 

To my surprise, he didn’t look upset, or even the slightest bit concerned. 

“Not at all princessa. It doesn’t bother me one bit. What you put in your body is your decision as long as you’re healthy about it.” He  ran his hand under my chin and tilted my head up to meet his gaze. “You sincerely look tired though. Do you want to stay home tonight?”

I nodded and rested my head against him, relief flooding through me. He wasn’t mad, he wasn’t angry and he would let me eat how I wanted to. I couldn’t ask for more from him.

He kissed the top of my head. “Good. I’ll stay with you, we can have a night in together. Our own little date night,” he grinned and tugged the towel off of my body. “Starting now, yes?” 

The soreness from my workout vanished from my mind as he pushed me against the counter and pressed his lips against me. He broke away after a moment and entwined his fingers in mine. 

“Come, princessa. I have an idea I think you’ll enjoy.” 

[niuniente]

I'm loving all these side stories exploring the DHD universe! Each one so far has been pretty great. I love alrick and his story very much, but it's fun to get to see and focus on these other characters too. Pearl was entertaining and I'm excited to see what's up with Plague

Your art is also always such a treat. I was just thinking to myself today that I kind of wanted to study the way you use background art. The grayscale filtered photos spaced out between white space without feeling empty is really hard to pull off, but I think you do so very well.

While Alrick is the main protagonist, you are right that we need to see other characters, too. It avoids stories being repetitive and gives readers a chance to mirror characters against each other; when character X is like this, and character Y is the opposite, they underline each character's traits. Whether it's their values, looks, age, gender, sex, job, living situation, dreams, fears, past, future etc. We learn about ourselves in relation to others so this same goes to characters, too.

Characters being surrounded by other characters also reveal new things from each other. Miranda can't really talk about how being a Death-Head's girlfriend affects her and the relationship with her coworkers but she can speak about it with Alrick. Joon is very lively and Miranda is super supportive of Joon, but only Alrick will understand how it is to work as a Death-Head. Plague is an ass for everyone but doesn't speak back to Kahamet (so he knows his place). Alrick is considering others but through Dio we see what happens when Alrick (or anyone) considers others above the Death-Head rules.

Also, the easiest way to expand the world or theme is to see it from other character's perspective, from their neighborhood so to say. Alrick doesn't seem to be working as a Death-Head to collect payments but Grimm does and uses this right of his without hesitation or remorse. Ama and Awa view Death-Head work as a luxury service whereas Dio does his dirty job and doesn't view the job as anything to do with luxury. Grimm enjoys being a faction leader, Plague doesn't want it. Lou-Lou is horrified with Death-Heads, Miranda lives and sleeps with one. Society views Death-Heads and their deals as something horrific, but for Pearl meeting Grimm via her deal was a lottery win. Mr. Singer loses his teeth as a payment, Cure loses her life. Rena doesn't make deals but Grimm does and can only do it because Algoth busts his ass off to give Grimm room for deals.

..

If you ever come up with something with studying my art, please, let me know! We're blind to our own work, can't see them the same way as outsiders too. I think one reason why the space doesn't feel so empty is the colored speech bubbles, which are connected to each character. I think the result would be more hollow if all speech bubbles where just blank white. The characters take more space with their colored speech bubbles. (I originally started this as I hated drawing speech lines to right character. If they are individually character color coded, then it's a lot easier to do speech bubbles!)

Why I went to comics without background was due two things. First, I didn't want to draw them. I don't enjoy them. I hate it. I don't enjoy at all thinking about compositions, perspectives, hues or values, nor about panel placements. Been there, done that, hated every minute of it. I don't want to spend my precious limited free time and limited resources on things I hate. My emphasis is on the characters and the comic is drawn in a way that it doesn't have to put emphasis on the things I hate, like panel placements and directing viewers gaze.

Second thing is that rules in art are human made. Sure, some things do make the viewing more pleasant and carry your story - I went to an art school - but many of the rules you don't need. If you are famous, you're even praised for breaking them!

I had that almost rioting epiphany when I was in the art school. I happened to see from TV news how in the modern art museums, there was a new exhibition by an American painter. He was famous for painting portraits and hanging them upside down. The curator of the exhibition was explaining with shining eyes how amazing this method is! How amazing it is that this painter challenges the viewer by hanging the paintings upside down! How revolutionary!

I thought "He gets praised for hanging paintings upside down, but if I did the same anywhere, even in the art school, I would be scolded for a cheap trick or be even called downright an idiot. So, why it is allowed to him and not for me?"

As I hate injustice like this, I've made my mind to fuck around and find out when it comes to my own art, and remember; if what I do was done by someone famous, it would be praised as something exceptional. If it's allowed to someone, then damned I be, I'm going to take that right for myself, too!

[bluemooniegif]

besides bungo stray dogs, can u rcm me some manga having thought-provoking theme like that

ABSOLUTELY I CAN!! here are some manga, book and movie recs for you, cause I couldn't help myself :>

MANGA RECS:

1: The Case Study of Vanitas (Vanitas no Carte)

I knowww it's a cliche that BSD fans must also enjoy VNC, but it's genuinely just AHH so good!! it currently sits at 62.5 chapters (10 volumes & 9 uncollected chapters) and it has a 2-season anime adaptation. it's the second manga series by Jun Mochizuki, who's also well-known for her series Pandora Hearts, and is still ongoing.

set in 19th-century France, our story begins with Noe, a young vampire, who's excitedly travelling to Paris for the first time. in his travels, he encounters the strange and enigmatic Vanitas, a human who somehow possesses the power of the Vampire of the Blue Moon- a feared being shunned by the rest of the vampire world.

we learn from the very beginning that Noe is recounting this story to us, and that he kills Vanitas with his own hands- but why? how? nobody knows, but we're bound to find out!

2. Attack on Titan

I doubt anyone was expecting me to mention this one, because it has quite a reputation for being gore-filled and action-packed, but when I say this literally changed my life I'm really not kidding (I wouldn't have this blog or be into anime at all if not for AOT!). it's a completed story, with a four-season anime (including 3 OVA episodes) and 139 manga chapters (in the main storyline; there are multiple spin-offs and 2 bonus mangas/light novels).

many years ago, the final remnants of humanity were forced to flee into a city surrounded by three giant walls. these walls are the only things keeping humanity from perishing at the hand of the titans, giant humanoid figures who hunt and eat them. but a young boy, Eren, wants nothing more than to see the world beyond the wall- until a titan taller than their walls breaks into the city, throwing humanity (and Eren's life) into disarray.

though it's true that a large chunk of this animanga is action, the lore is incredible. I can't say too much without spoiling, but the thought-provoking aspects aren't talked about nearly as much as I think they should be. once you've finished watching or reading, I highly recommend you watch this video, which is one of my favourite video essays of all time!

BOOK RECS:

1. Slaughterhouse Five

this is one of my favourite books of all time, and it's only 177 pages, so it's a super quick read! not only is it severely anti-war, but it's deeply though-provoking. I think about it every day. I quote it regularly. I'd recommend it to anyone and everyone, especially now, with everything happening in the world.

I honestly don't have words for how much I love it, so here's the synopsis on Goodreads:

Prisoner of war, optometrist, time-traveller - these are the life roles of Billy Pilgrim, hero of this miraculously moving, bitter and funny story of innocence faced with apocalypse. Slaughterhouse 5 is one of the world's great anti-war books. Centring on the infamous fire-bombing of Dresden in the Second World War, Billy Pilgrim's odyssey through time reflects the journey of our own fractured lives as we search for meaning in what we are afraid to know.

2. No Longer Human

there are so many editions of this, and I would recommend all of them- this is my other favourite book of all time, by the way. I may be barking up the wrong tree when I tell a BSD fan to read Dazai, one of the most accessible and relatable Japanese authors for a Western audience, but hey, I've got to remind you just in case you haven't given it a shot.

No Longer Human follows the life of Yozo Oba, a boy born into a big rich family, who constantly feels at-odds with the world around him. it's an exploration of mental illness, social isolation, self-expression, and compassion. I actually have an entire youtube video talking about it and how BSD-Dazai reflects Yozo as much as irl-Dazai, and it's my pride and joy so please go watch it!

MOVIE RECS:

Okay, I only have one rec for you, but this movie haunts me (in the best way possible):

Forgotten (기억의 밤)

I really need more people to watch this actually because holy shit it was amazing and nobody talks about it!! WATCH IT!!! PLEASE!!!!

Jinseok watches his brother get kidnapped right before his eyes, and it powerless to do anything. 19 days later, he returns, and... something is different about him. Jinseok is determined to uncover the mystery surrounding his kidnapping.

the twists in this are actually insane. I can't tell you anything aside from the synopsis without spoiling major plot points. if you only take one recommendation I bed you to take this one.

okay that's all bye!!

[marxonculture]

Personhood and Genre Fiction | My 2024 Reading Journey So Far

I’ve been working as a Library Assistant for six months now, and boy has it been a massive jolt to my love of reading. It’s hard not to be excited about digging into a book when you’re surrounded by them all day, and I credit that feeling with being responsible for my reading more books for pleasure in the first four months of 2024 than I have in the previous seven years combined. As I reach a modest milestone in my reading for the year, I wanted to reflect on what I’ve observed to be a common theme among the books that have most captured my imagination since January. With the world having been in a particularly fraught state over the last few years, and an increasingly prevalent trend of groups of people being actively dehumanised by those with power and influence, it’s been quite an emotional experience for me to discover that the books which have most captured my imagination this year have been about personhood and what defines it.

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke (2020)

The first book I finished this year is one that I think about every day. Susanna Clarke’s Piranesi is a wonderful little novel about who we are at different times, and crucially different places, in our lives. It explores personhood through the lens of fundamental internal change; when we go through seismic changes, do we become different people or are we fundamentally the same?

Clarke uses magical realism and a meticulously well-designed alternate reality/dream world as a means of exploring the evolution of one’s own personhood, as well as an adoration of design, architecture, and place. Piranesi was invigorating for me as a reassurance that it’s okay to redefine oneself at different points in life, and that just because you’re a different person now, that doesn’t mean that the old you ceases to exist.

Feet of Clay by Terry Pratchett (1996)

Terry Pratchett is so well known for being a satirist, that it’s east to forget how sincere and moving his work can be. After putting it off for many years, I finally started reading the Discworld books this year, and have been enjoying them immensely, and while I had a great time with the first two books in the City Watch sub-series, it wasn’t until the third entry that one of them really hit me, emotionally.

Feet of Clay is about golems (‎גּוֹלֶם). For those unfamiliar with Jewish folklore, golems are anthropomorphic clay constructs ordered to obey the commands of their master and animated via the inscription of the Hebrew word for truth on its head. Pratchett’s golems are slightly different in that they are brought to life by placing governing words inside their heads. Pratchett uses this to remarkable effect to build a story of self-ownership and self-determination. It was especially moving to me to see Jewishness used in this way – as something empowering rather than grotesque, which is a real rarity in Western fantasy writing.

A Closed and Common Orbit by Becky Chambers (2016)

The last book I wanted to talk about here was this second entry in Becky Chambers’ beautifully humane, space opera anthology, The Wayfarers series. A Closed and Common Orbit centres on two protagonists, one an AI learning to adapt to a life passing as a human in an illegal ‘body kit’, and the other a clone, bred for factory work, trying to help the AI make a life for herself.

As with her first book, The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet, what characterises Chambers’ writing is her deep love for her characters, and the way that love manifests itself in this book is nothing short of miraculous. Sidra and Pepper’s parallel journeys are not merely about convincing others of their personhood, but rather convincing themselves. A Closed and Common Orbit is about finding a way of living where you feel most like yourself, learning to feel that you deserve for your needs to be met, and accepting that your loved ones see you as a person, even in times when you don’t.

All of these books have meant a great deal to me during a time where I have had to completely re-evaluate the ways in which I see myself. Genre fiction is not necessarily where I expected to find this feeling of personhood and recognition, but it’s especially exciting to have done so. There’s nothing quite like finding deep meaning in something you have engaged with purely for entertainment, and I hope to continue to do so as the year goes on.

[italoniponic]

Golden Like Daylight | Diasomnia

Synopsis: Malleus couldn’t make it to the party in Scarabia that Kalim invited him and, as usual, Diasomnia falls into quiet sadness and frustrated thunderstorms. He thinks about all his parents taught him and how the world can really be cruel sometimes. But after the most violent storms in the nightfall, there are little glimpses of daylight as well.

platonic diasomnia family / angst with a comfort ending / based on ch10, vol 2 comic anthology ft. my own lore hcs / 1945 words

Notes: Since half of this fic deals with my hcs about the Valley of Thorns in general, I made a separate post that will summarize it so we don’t have long ass author notes~~ Also, it’s based on that chapter from the comic anthology but apart from context, it’s not a need to read it to understand this story Hope you enjoy it!

Golden Like Daylight

Malleus has been alone for much longer than anyone could have imagined. Born into a family of noble blood, all he could remember from early childhood was a lot of people around him, caring and watching over his well-being. His parents always had a glimpse of his special power and told him stories of the glory days of the Valley of Thorns.

But the more time passed, this special and happy atmosphere ended up like wood consumed in the fireplace. Lilia’s presence was one of the few things that truly remained unchanged.

The Lady of Thorns’ gaze grew colder every day. The countenance of the Lord of Thorns, direct son of the Queen, harder than stone. Malleus wanted to believe that they didn’t ever realize how much they left their son aside to deal with the affairs of the kingdom — without rest, just gathering together at dinner. Still, he was almost always aside.

Not that he didn’t understand why. His father worked as second-in-command for the Queen and his wife dealt with diplomatic issues. It was amazing how a place so isolated from the world could have so many problems. 

It was only a hundred years after the Last Great Fairy War and they were just organizing the policies of coexistence with neighboring human villages and trying to maintain the peace between the two fairy valleys in which a lot of blood was shed to achieve.

As a prince, Malleus had everything at his disposal. Toys, books, comfortable clothes, access to quality lessons. But he had only one wish. A simple, even silly wish.

“Go outside?,” his mother repeated his words in a confused tone.

The Lord of Thorns took his eyes up from the treaty papers of the new diplomat of the Valley of Flowers, Florian Braginsky — which he was being forced to read — in order to face his son.

“Malleus, why are you talking about this?,” he asked.

“I wanted to see what the eastern mountain village looks like, it is near here. Lilia could take me there.”

The sound of his former tutor’s name made the Lord’s blood boil. How revolting it was to see the man who taught him everything he knew lower himself and abandon all his ideals, those he used to deeply believe. He was right when he said, that night a hundred years ago, that Lilia had lost more than one wing in the Battle of Dornröschen. 

“I do not see why you should go. There is a cruel and terrible world beyond the mountains that surround our kingdom. Not even among our own can there be anything greater than mere alliance. These fairies should be grateful every day for the good fortune of being in our presence and keep living,” the Lord of Thorns put down the papers on the table.

The hard thud made Malleus cringe a little. His mother took the papers and arranged them better in a perfect pile. 

“Malleus, you know that our species is very rare and therefore, it is not surprising that the other fairies fear us. We don’t want these people to say bad things about or to you. Therefore, above all, you must stay in this castle,” she said to her son, perhaps not as docile as she thought her tone would come out.

The marriage between Mephisto and Tauribeth was, as with Malleus’ grandparents, a way to keep the dragon-fairy species alive. There were really few such families around the valley, the most powerful House managed to rise to the throne — and these were the Draconia, the center of everything being the Queen of Thorns.

Still, Malleus wondered how the most powerful and feared fairies should need to hide from others. Malleus knew about the scars that the human kingdom nearby, now not so numerous, had made in the fairy valleys. His species was one of many clans that still held grudges against them.

However, he wasn’t going to a human village. It was a place inhabited by faeries. Lilia would be next to him, he would be well protected. 

“No more talking about it,” his father cut off before Malleus could try to argue once more.

“Yes, sir my father.”

There was a brief sound of doors opening and, for a moment, Malleus had a glimmer of hope as he saw his grandmother enter the dining room. The air around her was heavy but elegant, full of ceremony and honor. As a queen should be — what the young prince should have become from there many hundreds of years ago.

In general, the Queen of Thorns was a little more compassionate to the wishes of her grandson than his parents might like. However, this didn’t mean that she didn’t share the opinion and hesitation of keeping him inside the castle rather than showing the kingdom beyond the heavy wooden doors.

‘Well, well, well,” she said as she sat down on the other side of the table, in a large, thorn-adorned chair just like the one her son was sitting in.

The Queen looked tired and perhaps a little frustrated that Lilia was planning yet another future trip abroad — a distant and sandy land, something alike — in yet another of his usual “whims”.

“What were we talking about?,” the Queen of Thorns asked.

“Nothing, madam my mother,” the Lord said, giving his son a sideways glance to remain silent.

  But Malleus had already given up hope of mentioning the village he wanted to visit again. 

Over the centuries, he began to wonder at certain times if his parents were not right. Well, they were no longer there with him to face him and silently state how obvious it was. That realization was a sad thought two hundred years ago, not so much nowadays. It was neither time nor age that mattered in the present to Malleus.

The day before, he had been invited by Kalim to a party. 

And it folded as it would usually happen: Malleus missed the event due to a mysterious circumstance. Sometimes he didn’t really notice the time, other times others forgot about him. 

At the time, Cater forgot to tell him that Kalim’s banquet night had been rescheduled at last minute to that same night. Since Lilia had orchestrated for Malleus to participate in his place, he also couldn’t have known about this sudden change. 

In order to help Malleus make friends on his own, things got complicated. As per usual.

Because of this, strong thunder crackled through the skies in Diasomnia and a torrential rain fell on the outskirts of the castle, becoming a misfortune for any student who was outside the dormitory at that moment.

Lilia would like to say that the situation wasn’t so bad because Malleus distributed all the treats and souvenirs he bought in Sam’s store to the students, but his aura didn’t change at any time. Each gift was delivered as if they were objects rescued from a disaster or belongings of deceased soldiers being returned to their families.

It was undeniable that Malleus had a special sense for gifts of the highest quality — of this no one dared to complain. Sebek’s voice competed with the storm outside in all his praise of his generous veteran and sovereign prince.

But Malleus was still in his worst “Nihilleus” form. 

Nothing made sense, everything was worthless. That was what his eyes of emerald flames said, burning low. How many times had he been through these situations? How many more would you have to overcome before fate is satisfied with his humiliations?

The world always abandoned Malleus, and he no longer strove to try to hold its sands in his hands. In his thin, light marble fingers there was only loneliness. The nothing. His grandmother sometimes held those same hands and repeated the words of their family.

A Draconia can only trust a Draconia. A fae can only owe to a fae. 

He was alone in that vast world that pushed him away with fear and distrust. Just like his father said they would. Malleus sighed, asleep in his own thoughts as he sat on the sofa in the Diasomnia lounge. The place made him feel at home — but sometimes, that was exactly the problem.

His parents were right. He would never leave the confines of the royal castle. He should not, that was his world. The only place where he would be safe and well received. Still, none of this comforted him. Not only would he be completely ignorant of the human world and the other fairies around him, he would be alone.

Always alone, as if trapped in a long night of eternal sleep. For eternity, eyes closed. The rest of his semi-immortal days would be a mere drop in the greatest of oceans. Would he ever die? Impossible. Few things can hurt faes, especially dragon-fairies. 

Sitting on his throne of thorns, nothing could reach him. Not even death. Much less life.

“Malleus-sama? Could you teach me more about this gargoyle?” 

Malleus awoke from his deep thoughts as if awakened by a kiss of the dawn. Soft morning rays passed gently across his face to bring him out of that dreaded darkness. Thus, Malleus faced Silver who was holding a miniature gargoyle in his hands. 

Ever since Lilia had brought that little human into their life, Malleus had wondered what his parents — mainly his father — would think of Silver if they could have had the chance to meet him. 

Silver with his crystalline eyes, lilac as the most delicate wildflower. Dedication to the prince of his people — because he was raised among thorns — in every action. A human he could trust.

Malleus knew Silver had pity for him, but there was something in his mercy that didn't make him feel completely ashamed. He then noticed how Sebek continued to praise him, his words worthy of the best books in the Royal Thorns Library. Nearby, Lilia gorged himself on sweets.

A small smile appeared on Malleus’ face almost at the same moment when the rain outside slowed down.

“Well, Silver, this one is a pretty simple model, but…”

Malleus always felt good about talking about gargoyles, maybe that was the benefit Silver had in mind. He remained silent and paid attention to Malleus’ words as much as he could — at least, to understand part of the matter. Soon after, Sebek joined Silver’s side as an avid spectator.

“Um, it reminds me that I had saved some cookies that I made last night,” Lilia suddenly commented. “Let's rock this party, boys!”

The young fellows suddenly jumped off the couch to go after the old fae, trying to convince him that he didn’t need to do this — and “the wise words of the Young Master about gargoyles will feed our hearts enough!!”, as Sebek said.

Watching them closely, Malleus let out a soft laugh. He was incredibly grateful for the company and patience of those three.

They were golden like daylight. 

The thin rays of sunshine that appeared after the gray clouds of rain stopped its dreadful crying, slowly making it into a new time to step outside. Of course it wouldn’t be enough forever. Malleus needed to learn more about the world around him, make new friendships and understand the purpose of his own existence.

But sometimes all he needed was his family. Maybe not exactly his grandmother or his parents. Just Lilia and his awful cooking skills and jokes. Just Sebek being this tall, endearing and energetic child. And just Silver being like the morning dawn, sleepy but gently welcoming to view. 

Not his servants or soldiers but his friends. Malleus’ friends. Precious lives he loved with all his heart.

Special notes: yes, this is a tiny little reference to “Daylight” by Taylor Swift. It was meant to be a Silver fic, then turned out to be more suited for Malleus, then it just got too deep… And I’m planning on doing a little omake about Lilia’s cookies. I just thought that randomly inserting some comedy would break the flow here (and it would be too long lol), so I’ll let it for another time. But thanks for reading 🩷

[digitalsatyr23]

A late Writeblr Introduction

Beautiful art of Selena by the wonderful @extremely-nervess

Hello! I’ve been wanting to break out of my shell and interact more with the writeblr community, so here I am! Feel free to interact with me, whether in the form of asks, tag games, writing/WIP/OC questions, or similar stuff. Also if you would like me to take a look at your work, feel free to ask! I am a very slow reader, but I do enjoy reading quite a bit.

About my writing

I am primarily a dark fantasy writer who has been writing stories and running D&D/Pathfinder games out of my setting Arachnia for well over a decade by this point. (Although more work is on the gaming side, I’ve been trying to expand my library of literary works little by little.) I also dabble in horror, sci-fi, and mixtures of those genres. My works tend to be very character-focused with (relatively) simple plot lines. Very A -> B type stuff, though I have been experimenting a bit more as of late. Morality varies by the character. Some of my characters are heroes, others are... Not so much. Some are just regular people trying to figure themselves out. If that sounds interesting, quite a few of my stories are posted here. I also have a fanfiction I’ve been meaning to get back to.

About myself

I’m a 32 year old guy who has a great love of stories, art, and self-expression. I’ve recently shaken off a writer’s funk that kept me from really doing... Anything. If I’m being totally honest, I’m not in the best of places mentally. I deal with schizophrenia and depression on the regular, and I do what I can to deal with the day-to-day. Stories are... My passion. My life. I use them as a form of escapism, yes, but they help me cope. That’s just how it is. I also quite enjoy video games, cartoons, anime, music, and just about everything else I can find different kinds of stories and characters in. I sometimes talk about those things, so you might see non-writing posts on my blog.

WIPs

Saria, Hero of the Forest: An Ocarina of Time fanfiction set in an alternate timeline where Saria of the Kokiri has to take up the mantle of hero. In the beginning, the story follows the events of the game almost to a T (including existing dialogue), however events begin to shift and change as the story progresses... I also use this story to explore fan theories and expand on characters I really like that didn’t get much screentime, as it were. There are currently six chapters available, with the 7th that’s been waiting... Waiting for me to get my act together!!

Bebop Bayou Tales: Stories about a self-proclaimed protector of the swamp, Rina Woodshed! She’s a gator girl that goes on adventures with her friend Lafayette, a grey fox boy. The bayou and its surrounding lands seem to attract all sorts of wayward monsters and spirits, and Rina does everything she can to keep her home safe from harm. There’s already one story in this series that’s finished, but many others are going to be added to the series!

The Book of Songs: A long term project I’ve been working on every so often for quite some time now... It’s the story an immortal assassin trying to escape their past and live a normal life as well as a young girl who is saved from being burned at the stake. Together, these two try to find a place they can call home. The first book in the series is already finished (though I have yet to find a publisher for it), and the second book has been pending in the 2nd draft stage.

Collab Story (title unknown): Another long term project that involves me and three other friends creating a collaborative story involving our characters (including Rina, since her setting is a part of the collab setting as a whole). It begins with a young mage performing a dark ritual, despite the many many warnings of the school faculty. The next thing she knows, she’s dead... But it seems an enchantment she put on a family heirloom gave her a second chance at life, so she awakens as a lich, though her memory seems to be damaged. Soon after waking, she finds the family heirloom missing, and in her quest to get it back, she learns of a terrible plot and dark forces trying to gather a set of four ancient artifacts... One of which is her family heirloom. This particular story has a whopping 29 chapters to its name, though since it’s a very friend-to-friend work, I don’t think I’ll be allowed to show it until it’s finally finished.

What Keeps Me Going: A short story (or possibly novelette) I’m currently working on as a commission for a friend that takes place in my setting, Arachnia. It’s about a young adventurer named Reah Fenae who stumbles upon a village that has been beset by vicious boarmen called porga. After rescuing a child from imminent danger, Reah puts her life on the line to save the villagers from a fate worse than death.

Wonderful art of Rina by the very talented @delightful-69​

[raylex]

decided to write a short piece about my s/i's first introduction with wander that also goes a bit into their backstory which i will likely elaborate on later - for now, enjoy their (our?) first meeting :) i had fun with this! ・‥…━━━☆

When you’re stuck on the same old asteroid for hundreds upon hundreds of years, the days get repetitive. They get even more repetitive once you realize that you’re not orbiting around anything and there is no distinction between day and night.

You get accustomed to it, sure - but it leaves you with a feeling of melancholy, wondering if this is all there really is. You live and you die on a bleak, lumpy rock going nowhere through the universe’s junkyard.

That’s why Lex was one of the few people who would be beaming with ecstasy upon discovering that they had crashed on an unknown planet.

Most people would spiral further and further into a mental breakdown when you end up stranded in a place you have never seen in your life - in a solar system you don’t know, in a galaxy you don’t know, in a cluster you don’t know. Lex, on the other hand, could have landed on the most empty, desolate, and lonely planet in the known universe, and still be grateful. Anything and everything would beat spending time on an asteroid for any longer.

This planet was beaming with life - life that Lex hadn’t seen in a long time, and life that Lex didn’t even know existed. Fields took up all of their vision as they stared off into the distance - nothing but patches of green grass, colorful flowers, overgrown plants, and swarming insects as far as they could see. Lex felt like they had finally died and gone to heaven. They had never seen such beauty in their long-winded life.

For hours on end, they simply wandered around aimlessly with no destination in mind. Would this be their new home? Maybe - it certainly wasn’t as claustrophobic as living on a giant rock. They didn’t want to waste time worrying about that for now, though - they kept walking and walking and taking in every little thing they could spot in their surroundings.

Eventually, of course, the sun would set - something Lex hadn’t experienced since they were a toddler barely able to formulate anything other than a bunch of nonsensical babbles - and they would lie down on the soft soil, embracing the planet with admiration.

They stared up at the stars, taking note of every little speck of light. When you’re alone for so long, you learn to read the sky from many different angles - even if it was difficult to make out any constellations. Merely bright points that would glow in the dark.

When you’re this entranced by the mere beauty of life itself, you block out anything other than yourself.

And that was exactly what Lex did, unaware that they were not alone, till they caught themselves catching glimpses of a mysterious silhouette hidden in the tall greenery around them.

The presence seemed just as eager to keep watch as Lex, but in an effort to avoid continuing to spy on them, they instead jumped out from their place of hiding, with Lex now able to make out their appearance - a short, orange, furry fellow with a big hat, and an even bigger grin on his face.

“Oh! Pardon me for snoopin’ around there, friend, but I couldn’t help but notice some commotion comin' from around here. Don’t think I’ve seen ya ‘round these parts before, have I? Folks call me Wander! What’s your name?”

Lex stared at the figure with a puzzled expression on their face. Slowly, after a few seconds, they lifted up their hand, pointing at themselves in confusion - their clothing already covered in dirt and grass blades after no longer than one single day of being on this planet.

Wander chuckled in response to their expression. "Yep, I'm talkin' about you! Are ya new? Ya looked lonely, that's why I came on over to give ya a warm welcome!"

Lex spoke up for the first time that night. "…Lonely?", they replied questioningly. Isolation was all they had ever known - to them, it wasn't loneliness. It was just the norm.

"Mhmm, lonely," Wander nodded along, his smile never once leaving his face. "It's fine if ya don't wanna tell me your name, stranger, I can respect a little need for privacy, but tell me - ya look like you're just burnin' to get somethin' off your chest. 'S there anythin' ya wanna talk about? Or maybe you're just shy? Whatever it is, I won't judge ya. My hand's on my heart, I promise."

For a long time, Lex was silent, and there was no sound to be heard anywhere nearby - not even a gust of wind or the sound of any fauna close by.

"…Could you tell me a story?", Lex finally replied. It had been so long since they had last had any interaction with another person. There were so many tales to be heard.

Wander's face glowed even brighter in response. "Oh, boy, can I! Let me tell ya somethin' - I'm a bit of an intergalactic space explorer myself, so I have all kinds of adventures to share!", he beamed, gesturing wildly as he began to recall all of the places he had visited as well as all of the sights he had seen. For every one of his journeys that he spoke of, his speech got louder and faster.

"But that's all I ever wanted to do! Every day, I've travelled across the universe, searching for every star and moon. No matter how far ya go, or how fast ya go, there's always somethin' new to explore. It's amazing! You should come with me sometime!"

Before he knew it, he found himself sitting closely next to the newcomer, still going on about all of the planets he had been to, vividly replaying the memories in his head.

Wander let out a chuckle at how carried away he had gotten. "But enough about me - let's talk about you! Where are you from, pal?"

Lex looked at him blankly for a few moments, before re-adjusting themselves to sit in a more comfortable position. "My life has not been interesting, I'll tell you that," they laughed quietly - mostly in an expression of self-deprecation. They changed their gaze, pointing towards their crash site. "See that huge crashed asteroid over there? I've been living on that thing for as long as I can remember. Man, I hate that thing. I hope I never have to set foot on one of those overgrown rocks ever again."

Gesturing vaguely towards the night sky, they continued. "Hundreds of years just spent drifting through pure nothingness, until suddenly… well, I ended up here."

Wander's gaze followed theirs, also shifting to look up at the sky. "So you're tellin' me that for centuries, you were just floatin' around in space?"

"Yeah… I'm sure you can understand why I think my life's been pretty boring."

"That does sound… less than preferable," Wander nodded. "How'd ya survive all that time?"

"I'm not sure myself. All I know is that after years of eating rocks and stone, you become a little funny in the head," they shrugged, letting out a chuckle. Wander joined along with fits of laughter, seeming to accept this explanation as enough.

For a few minutes, they sat in comfortable silence, just enjoying each other's company.

"Well, you don't have to be alone anymore," Wander spoke softly. "You're free to tag along with us if ya want."

"Us?," Lex asked, glancing over at him.

Wander stood up, offering Lex his hand. After a moment of pondering, Lex put their hand in his. Wander grinned, pulling them up to stand on their feet.

"There's someone I'd like ya to meet," he chirped. "My bestest pal in the universe, Sylvia. I never go anywhere without her. We're tighter than bark on a tree. An' any friend of mine is sure to be a friend of Sylvia's, too!"

Lex blinked a few times, still trying to process everything that had just happened. They weren't sure they completely trusted these people - of course, suspicion towards strangers was something that was natural after having been by yourself for so long - but something about the way Wander looked at them with such hope in his eyes prevented them from turning down his invitation.

"Okay," Lex answered eventually, bearing a genuine smile on their face for the first time that night.

[livinginncity]

A Dance Like Waves

A Neteyam x Reader

Chapter 2

Warnings: maybe two swears, some mention of blood, more drowning.

Word Count: 5.7K

Masterlist

Chapter 1 || Chapter 3

————————————————————

Everything was bright, the surroundings drowned in a white-yellow light. She tried moving her head around in hopes of seeing something, but it was futile as nothing became clearer. And then she felt something. Her heart ached and it felt so full that she believed for a moment that it would erupt. Something spoke to her. There was no voice, but she heard every word and held on to it tightly. A mission, she learned, would be given in due time, but until then, she would enjoy becoming one of the people. She cried and cried, giving thanks as best she could, soaking in the embrace of Her, the Great Mother. It was as the world around Y/N began to fade, that she began to feel a familiar burn in her lungs, a familiar convulsing, and her vision that was once full of light was back to black. She couldn’t say how long it lasted because it felt like an eternity, but all of a sudden she sprang up, gasping for air while expelling the water from her lungs. She sat, heaving, and looked around.

Eyes. Everywhere. It took the girl a minute to connect them to their bodies, and she was startled to find a pair just to the right of her. She quickly scrambled back as she pushed her mind to start functioning properly and allow her to comprehend what was happening. A quick glance down stole her attention, realizing that those legs were her Avatar’s. Many emotions came from it, but she forced them form in favor of making sure she got out of this situation alive. She may look like them, but that didn’t mean she was one of them.

“‘eve.” Girl. Y/N’s head snapped to the source of the voice, those same eyes that had scared her before made contact once again. She was gorgeous. A shell adorned the center of her tattooed forehead, and other markings could be seen on her chin, neck, and stomach. Her aura demanded respect and the young girl quickly bowed her head to her, remembering the gesture of respect. She was scared to speak it. “‘eve! ‘upe lu ngati? nga za’u ftu peseng?” 

The raise in tone made her flinch, but she scrambled to find the right words along with the courage to speak. She could understand the language, but forking the sentences took longer given the lack of use in practice. “Um, za’u oe ftu Earth.”

Gasps sounded among the people in the water and her heart clenched, praying to this life of hers would not once again be short lived, as some readied their weapons. The woman in front of her seemed to raise her guard slightly, but moved forward anyway, “fyape syaw fko ngar?”

“oeru syaw Y/N.” Her eyes were skeptical, but she spoke again. “My spirit sister you lay on has saved you.” The girl glanced down to notice that she was in fact not sitting on a rock, but what almost resembled a whale.

“Tulkun.” Her eyes remained steadfast on the foreign girl’s.

“You know of tulkun, you understand Na’vi, and you look similarly to us, but you have five fingers and speak like a baby.” She paused, almost as if to see if the other was still following along, before continuing, “My sister says that she saw you floating in the water surrounded by fyípsänrr*, and she felt Eywa’s plea to save you.”

As her brain seemingly made peace with the situation, it took little to no effort to understand what was being spoken, coming to her as if it was merely English. Her speech was still broken, but it took her less time to form the right words. “Eywa has given me a second chance at life. She asks me to complete a mission for her, one that has not yet come, and adapt in the meantime. I mean you, nor your people any trouble. I merely seek refuge, and beg your kindness to teach me your ways.”

“You wish to learn our ways?” A new voice broke the air, a tall man with stories littering his face, arms, neck and chest. It was clear that he was the Olo’eyktan of this clan, the woman being his wife, and Tsahìk by further observation of the necklace she wore across her chest. He continued, ceasing the girl’s thoughts from wandering. “You look like us, yes. You may have some knowledge of us, yes. But you know little of our ways, in both mind and practice. You come from Sky People and there is little, if anything, you would add to our clan.”

His words made her heart sink, but she pushed past the feeling to speak again. “My family was killed by the Sky People. They took kids from Earth and trained us as weapons. I do not know how long ago it was, but there was chaos going on. They lead us, all 40 of the people who had grown to be my family, to where we would sleep, and they shot us. I managed to escape the guards, crawling past their bodies and beneath beds, pushing through the doors of that red room.” She could feel the tears spill over her eyes as her vision blurred and a sob bubbled up her throat, but she pressed on. “I survived with a bullet in my side, and the deaths of my brothers and sisters plaguing my mind. I prayed to Eywa as I drifted at sea to let me live, that if she gave me such a chance, I would ensure that no one of her creations would ever again feel what I felt as I watched the slaughter of my brethren, and became the only survivor. I ask of you what I have asked of Eywa. A chance.”

The two clan leaders made looked to each other, communicating with their eyes. The Tsahìk gave a slight nod and tilt of her head, and her husband responded with a nod of his own before speaking. “I am Tonowari of the Metkayina. My mate and tsahìk is Ronal. You will stay with us, and we will teach you our ways, but come this time next year, you must prove that you are fit to remain with our clan.”

Y/N released a breath she didn’t know she was holding, and quickly wiped at the tears staining her cheeks. “oel ngati kameie, Tonowari. oel ngati kameie, Ronal. irayo.”

Ronal gestured for the girl to take a place beside her on the fin of her spirit sister. “Roa, my spirit sister, is the one who found and brought you to us.”

She turned to the tulkun to give her respect and thanks, just as she had done the clan leaders. “oel ngati kameie, Roa. irayo.”

“She says you are welcome.” The Metkayina begin their journey inland with their tulkun, Y/N holding on next to Ronal as they make the journey. Her attention shifts from the scenery as the woman next to her speaks again. “ngari solalew zìsìt apolpxay?”

“oeri solalew zìsìt vosìng.” The woman did not give reaction, taking a minute to form her response.

“You are young. But I can see you are a fighter.” With that, the rest of the trip was spent with nothing but the oceans waves and the aquatic wildlife that surrounded. Finally arriving on land was bit of a relief. The sea was comforting, but it became slightly less so when she remembered that her human body was drowned and now lay beneath it. “Stay here, ‘eveng. Tonowari and I must discuss some things first. Do not wander far.”

Ronal and her mate made their way to what looked to be a tent, and walked in, out of sight. She sat on the shore and stared at the entrance before letting out a yelp, feeling a hand on her shoulder. As she turned around she was met with three curious sets of eyes, they were children who seemed to be about her age. The four tilted their heads at each other before on spoke up. “Your hands are funny.”

“Yeah, why do you have five fingers? Are you a freak?

“Ao’nung! Roxto! That is rude. I will tell mother and father that you are treating our guest poorly if you keep saying such things.” The girl scolded, glaring at the two boys, and it made the one sitting on the ground throw her head back. The sound made their heads snap to her, and she tried to calm her laughter. The standing girl was quick to recover.“I am Tsireya. This is my brother Ao’nung and our friend Roxto. I apologize for their behavior, it is unbecoming of the Olo’eyktan’s firstborn.”

“It is okay. I understand that things that are different can be weird at first introduction. I am Y/N.”

“Well do you want to come hang out with us?” Ao’nung, she notes in her memory, inquires.

“You’re parents told me to stay here. And not to wander far from shore.”

“Then we we’ll stay by the shore. Come on, it’ll be fun!”

“It would be great if you could join us, Y/N. We don’t mind staying in the shallows.” Tsireya spoke up. Roxto nodded his head, and it drew a smile from the outcast girl’s face. She turned her head to where Ao’nung held his hand out for her, and felt relief food her veins as she grabbed onto it. He pulled her up and the grip quickly took off to the where the sand met to water.

With the Olo’eyktan and Tsahìk

“Are you sure it is a good idea, yawne? To have her live among us is one thing, but to house her ourselves? Raise her alongside our children?”

“Tonowari, it is Eywa’s wish that we give her sanctuary. But it is a feeling I have here,” she brought her mate’s hand to lay over her heart, “that tells me we should treat her like our own. She is young, but she is strong, like a warrior. And she fights for her people. Not the Sky People, but those who have shown her kindness and companionship. You said that in a years time she must prove herself, so let us be her guides until then.” Her eyes showed that she would not back down from this, and Tonowari trusted her more than anything, so he agreed with a sigh and nod.

“Okay.” They made their way out of the marui and looked to where they had left the girl. A small bit of panic crossed their hearts as she was nowhere to be seen, more came as they heard a brief scream, but when they found the source of the noise, all previous anxieties and doubts vanished. In that instant, as they watched the young girl play with their kids, they felt calm and hopeful. They knew they were making the right decision as the young children’s laughter only grew by the second, pulling at each other’s tails and dragging each other underwater.

Tonowari cleared his throat and called for the children. They were quick run to him, the new one of the bunch immediately apologizing. “I am sorry. I know you said not to wander too far.”

“We asked her to come with us, Dad. It’s our fault.”

“Yeah, it was us.”

“You are not in trouble, parultsyìp.” Ronal’s heart warmed as she looked over the kids in front of her. They had been so quick to take to the new girl, and already they were defending her. It brought a smile to her face. “We were just coming over to talk to Y/N about where she would be staying.”

“Did you choose?” Ao’nung questioned.

“Well, we have decided that it would be best if Y/N stayed with us, in our family marui.” Tonowari was the one to answer the question, and his children were quick to react.

“Cool! That means she will be like our new sister!” Ao’nung’s conlusion shot Tsireya absolutely over the moon.

“A sister! Oh, I have always wanted a sister. This is great!” The Olo’eyktan’s daughter was quick to bring the other girl into a hug. It shocked her, but she slowly brought her arms around the other girl, a warbled smile appearing as her eyes once again teared up.

“irayo. irayo.” She cried into Tsireya’s arms and Ao’nung was quick to join in the hug, mocking her.

“Why are you crying? I should be the one crying. Now I have two sisters to look out for, and they’re both equally annoying.” The couple watched and laughed as they observed their youngest smack the back of her brother’s head and the newcomer wacked his thigh with her tail, before looking to each other with a smile.

Yes, this was the right decision.

One year later

“Are you sure about this, Y/N?” A voice called out below her.

“Yes! Well…not exactly, but it’ll be fine!”

“Ao’nung, shouldn’t you be stopping her?”

“She’s gonna get in a load of trouble if she gets caught, and that’s why I’m here. To hopefully witness the moment our father witnesses the star pupil mess up.” Tsireya shoved her brother as she looked up at the girl.

“This is really dangerous, Y/N! And what happens if mother or father catch you doing this right before your first rite? Come on get down!”

“Look, I already checked out the water below! It’s deep and there’s no rocks nearby it! I just have to make sure I jump far enough! Alright, Roxto, count it off for me!”

“Okay! One!

“Oh Eywa, I can’t watch.” Tsireya closed her eyes as she curled into herself.

“Two!”

“She will be fine, little sister.” The older comforted as he looked on.

“Three!”

“Okay, you’ve got this.” The girl mumbled before she  took her running start and launched herself over the extremely large cliff. She screamed in excitement as she fell, doing a flip before taking proper form to break the water. It was a satisfying splash indeed, letting her know she was not dead and that she was that fucking awesome. She quickly surfaced to find her friends. “HELL YEAH!”

Ao’nung and Roxto were quick to respond with their own hell yeahs, a phrase she had taught them many moons ago. Tsireya simply breathed a sigh of relief as she followed the two boys to join her in the water.

“One day you are going to send me to meet the Great Mother with your shenanigans, Y/N.” The girl spoke. Finally reaching her, she was quickly scooped into as hug as the slightly older girl began their routine.

“I apologize for worrying you so much, Tsireya. I fear it is simply in my nature to be bold in the face of a challenge.” She was pushed away as the other playfully rolled her eyes.

“Going through with a challenge from my skxawng brother is not brave, Y/N. It is stupid.”

“Hey!” Y/N threw her head back and laughed, slapping the targeted boys shoulder as she did so. “Ow! Why do you hit when you laugh or are excited? It literally hurts to make you happy.”

She laughed harder, but this time there was no violence as she swam backwards towards shore. As she got closer, she turned around, met with fierce eyes as her feet finally touched the sand. She halted, the wide smile quickly dropping into a sheepish one. “Ronal! oel ngati kameie.”

“Y/N. You know that you are to prepare for your rite soon, this is not the time to be fooling around. Tsireya!”

“tsap’alute si.”

“Yes, mother?” The girl made her way over quickly, the two boys following closely behind.

“Go. Help Y/N prepare for her rite. It will be in just a few hours. You knew this, Ao’nung, why didn’t you stop it?”

“tsap’alute si, sa’nok.” The guilt she suddenly felt weighed heavy after hearing their scoldings, and it was enough to make her speak up again.

“It is my fault, Ronal. I just lost track of time and I’ve been training so much for this, I figured doing anymore would make no difference, so I chose to distract myself. They simply accompanied me when I asked.” Her eyes pleaded along with her words against that familiarly stern face.

“It is of little importance. The moment has passed, ‘eve. Go now, quickly, to prepare for later.”

“Yes, Ronal.” “Yes, sa’nok.” The girls spoke in unison before running off towards the marui to get ready. Ronal watched the two go before turning to her son and his friend with a glare.

“Sa’nok, you asked us to help her relax before her first iknimaya.” He responded immediately, throwing his hands up in defense as his mother hissed upon hearing his words.

“‘Relax,’ Ao’nung. Not almost get her killed.” She smacked the back of his head before grabbing an ear on each boy, met with their yelps as she pulled them along. “Now let us help prepare.”

Y/N listened to Tsireya’s complaints the whole way back to the marui, figuring it was the least she could do. As she pulled back the flap for the two of them she was met with an ‘are you even listening?’

“Yes, Tsireya. I’m sorry. I’ll try not to get into so much trouble going forward, okay? And I won’t drag you into it.” She let out an exasperated sigh at that as she pulled the other girl down to sit in front of her.

“I don’t want you to not drag me into it, Y/N. Eywa knows someone with the capability to actually think should be around you at all times.” She replied as she rummaged through the bin beside her. She took out a corded loincloth and armband, handing them to the girl in front of her as she leaned back on her hands. “Mother and I made you the cloth as a good luck. Ao’nung and father made the armband.”

The girl looked at the items, with tears forming behind her eyes. She set them aside carefully to tackle the other in a hug. “Thank you, Tsireya. It’s beautiful.”

She let out a laugh as she returned the embrace. “For someone so headstrong, you are so very sentimental.”

“Thanks.” They both laughed before pulling away from each other, she stood to replace the cloth she was wearing. Upon finishing, the tsahìk walked in. “Would you do my hair, Ronal?”

“Sit.” Y/N quickly took a seat, excited as the woman sat behind her. She began undoing the current braids and the girl practically melted into her hands. This was when she felt most relaxed, with fingers running through her hair, gently combing, and twisting, and braiding. Ronal held a content smile at the sight. “Are you nervous, ‘eveng?”

“Slightly.” The young girl played with her fingers as she answered.

“Do not be. You have trained hard for this, you are ready. This will be a big accomplishment for you and the clan. You will have proven yourself worthy of the Metkayina, and you will become the youngest to have tamed a Tsurak.”

“But what if I cannot do it? What will happen then? I do not want to leave, but I do not know if I will be and to face the rest of the clan even if I am allowed to stay.”

“Ma ‘eveng. Look at me.” She turned the girls head to see her eyes glossed over, so she moved to be in front of her before she continued. “You have already proven yourself to us. Me and Tonowari, Ao’nung and Tsireya, as well as many in the village. For the last year, you have assisted the clan in every aspect of our way and of life. You have assisted in teaching the children the way of water, you have gathered the fruits and materials we need for making our food and clothes, and you have joined the last few hunting parties. You will be welcomed even if you are not on the back of a tsurak, though I doubt that will be the outcome.”

The girl leaped into her arms and the woman accepted it, resting her chin on the smaller one’s head as she closed her eyes. She pulled back after a few moments and look her in the eyes. “You are a mighty warrior, Y/N. It is time you believe that.”

She nodded her head as she swiped at her tears, sniffling to keep her nose from running. They turned as they heard the flap of the marui open, Ao’nung walking by to bring the girl into a side hug. “She’s crying again? It must be an annual thing because she was doing this exactly a year ago.”

His mother hissed briefly at him as the girl just welcomed the comfort. All three sets of ears twitched as a shell was blown. “It is time.”

They walked to the beach where she met face-to-face with Tonowari, she hardened her expression and awaited his instructions.

“You will pick a tsurak. You will need to make tsaheylu and prove that you have control by completing a hunt.” Some of the smaller children gasped at the words. That was something even the kids older than you hadn’t done, why would that be expected of their young swim instructor. “You will bring it back, so that we may not waste Eywa’s grace. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Tonowari.” She looked him in the eye as he made a call, signaling drums and a shell horn. He then handed her a speargun and fishing spear, giving her a look as she strapped the the first to her back, lowering his voice.

“You did not have to choose this. The people would understand.” It made her smile lightly, the concern for her well-being was something familiar to her only due to the last year she’s spent among them.

“The tulkun have yet to come, and I cannot wait for when they do to complete my first rite. It would take time to bond with one to a point that we would be able to complete the other rites. I will be fine, Tonowari. You and the best of your hunters have taught me everything I need to know, now it is up to me to show you the fruition of those efforts.” She continued their walk to the edge of the beach and looked up to him. “irayo. For providing me sanctuary and treating me with such kindness over the last year.”

They shared one last look, and he sent her off with a squeeze on the shoulder. The clan shouted all sorts of encouragements as she dove into the sea, calling for her ilu to take her further out.

Once the shore was far enough away, she took a deep breath in and observed her surroundings. Tsurak could be found just about anywhere, the hard part would be finding the right one to bond with. One thing she also remembered is that despite appearances, they were fairly playful. In a mischievous, up-to-no-good way. She dove back down and began searching, it didn’t take long for her to come across a colony of them. She swam through it slowly, hoping one would make some sort of approach, and then she was pushed off from her ilu. She quickly regained control of her breathing and scanned for what or her head on a swivel. A blur of soft pink caught her attention. A tsurak. She smirked as she decided that this one would be hers.

She once again got on her ilu and slowly swam around after getting some air, and this time, she was prepared. She sensed it behind her and dove down as it made to push her again, she swam to get above it and followed its path. There was a formation of rocks that she had feeling the tsurak would turn at, so as they approached, she prompted her ilu to cut the pathway at full speed. She prepared herself to leap onto it as she zeroed in on its expected trajectory. At the sight of its long jaw, the girl threw herself on it, legs instantly wrapping around its neck as she grabbed for her braid. At the sudden added weight, the animal expectedly kicked itself into hyper speed, making the girl squeeze her legs even tighter. It took what felt like an eternity, but she finally able to make tsaheylu. It slowed almost instantly.

“That’s it. Atta boy. See? That wasn’t so bad, now was it? You were a pain in the ass from the moment you crossed my path, and I felt it was only fitting you joined me as a fellow pain in the ass.” She sat talking to the tsurak, inspecting it’s unique color. Typically their wings were a bright orange, this one’s seemed to be a very faded shade, almost pink in appearance. Maybe salmon pink? She was pulled from her thoughts as the creature she sat on suddenly accelerated. “Hey! What’s going on, bro? Why the fuck are you suddenly—? Shit!”

She realized the sudden panic flooding through their bond was caused by something way too big, and way too close. She got in position to breach the surface and urged the tsurak up. They continued at a high speed, but the girl searched for any hint of land. Not far out, she could see the Three Brothers, so she banked for it, diving back into the water as she glanced back. The akula was still very much there and it took everything in her to remain calm. They got closer and closer to the rock formation, and she broke the water for air to dive back down into the coral where she knew she would remain for a while. It broke the hard coral, branch after branch and the pair continued to lead it through.

This was such a stupid idea. She thought and, while technically not too late, she was feeling reckless again. So she asked for help. Eywa please lend me the strength to survive this.

At that, she focused back in, looking to see how far down they had gone. Determining that it was enough, the girl made a quick dive to reach the underbelly of the beast and sent her spear into it swiftly before retreating to her original place in front of it. Since it had burrowed itself into the coral, moving in any direction aside from forward or back would hinder its movement and speed significantly. Though, it did piss it off, the akula trying even harder to kill her now. She repeated the process once before seeing that she was running out of coral. It would only work a couple more times, so she paused to take aim with her speargun. She made four shots into its mouth, two hitting the upper part of its snake like mouth, and the others burying themselves in its tongue.

It made to move away and wriggle out of the hole it made, so of course she had to go after it. Because it wasn’t in her nature to end things quietly. There was one final place she could hit that might kill this thing. She thinks back to the drawings she had seen, of the akula’s skeleton. There was small soft spot located between the armored plates of its skull, and if she could hit that, she would succeed. She calmed herself, beginning to feel the lack of oxygen in her lungs. She pushed through, tensing her muscles before commanding her tsurak to charge forward. The larger creature was still wiggling itself out of the hole it made, and the space it created allowed her to build up some speed. Once it noticed, it began to press forward, that much she had anticipated, so she jolted up just enough to escape its jaws and plunge her spear exactly where she wanted it. It moved as though in pain, but the force had not been enough.

She swam back around the coral and made to do it again, her plan to launch herself with enough speed to push it deeper. She did so, but she learned quickly that while it may be a soft spot, that doesn’t mean the weak spot is at the surface. It pushed her back into the coral as she held on to the spear. She was starting to see stars and the convulsions were getting much worse. As it pushed her through more branches, her back hit the sand. It was as though she was facing it head on in a battle if strength. Black started to creep into her vision as she searched rapidly for anything that may have helped, her eyes spotted a rock and with the little strength she had left, she grabbed the speargun and shot her last arrow into its mouth. It was enough of a distraction for her to position the end of the spear between some rocks, and she braced for the worst as it refocused on her. Any air that had been in her lungs was expelled as she felt something sharp in her leg. She called for her tsurak, though she couldn’t tell if it was even still around, and let the water over take her lungs.

Hmm, this is familiar.

She gasped for breath and looked around, seeing she was still at Three Brothers. Below her was her tsurak, she quickly made tsaheylu to communicate her thanks. Through the bond she felt that he did not want any thanks, as he was not with her until the end of battle. She assured that it was enough that he helped her to a point that she was able to defeat the akula and bring her up to the surface. With that, and having caught her breath, she urged him to lead her back down to the thing. She gathered some seaweed to weave into a makeshift pouch, and used her knife to gather the teeth she would put in it. She grabbed hold of her tsurak once again and broke the surface of the water. “Now, let’s get home quickly. Shall we, Tìsay?”

By the time she made it back, eclipse had overtaken. The fires from where she walked still burned and she could see Ronal pacing the shore, Tsireya and Ao’nung were curled into each other, and Tonowari stood still, looking out to the sea. The sight made her smile and as she got closer, she decided to announce her presence, sending shouts and clicks into the air. All eyes were on her as she rode in, people running to see her return, and she dove off her tsurak once hitting shallower waters. She gave a large smile, which was match briefly, before faces dropped. Ronal and Tsireya rushed over to her in an instant.

“What has happened to you ma ‘eveng? You are covered in scratches from head to—“ A gasp broke her sentence as she crouched to inspect the girl’s leg. This was her first time truly looking at it since it she began the journey back, the pain was excruciating, but she felt looking would only make it worse. It was absolutely repulsive, all bloodied and with large tooth marks embedded in her calf. “What did this? What happened, Y/N?”

“Tonowari.” The girl spoke, bringing her seaweed pouch in front. He approached her with concern and curiosity as she held the bag out to him. “My hunt was too large for just me and my tsurak to bring back. This is what I bring you in it’s place.”

He gently took the weighty bag from her hands and untied the seaweed string, it being a poorly made thing, it fell apart, it’s contents spilling. Gasps of recognition and shock resounded and the Olo’eyktan was quick to make look at her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and bent to eye level inspecting her before looking back up. “An akula. That was your hunt?”

“Yes.” Hushed whispers began to pick up at the response.

“Take me to it.” He called for the other hunters and his tsurak. He was halted by Ronal’s firm words.

“Tonowari. She is bleeding, severely. She is not going anywhere.” Her gaze was familiar, it said that she was not going to back down. Recognizing this, the man hesitated, and the girl of the hour spoke up.

“It is not far from here. If I cannot ride, I can tell you its location.” Tonowari looked to his mate, she gave a nod and eyes urging swiftness. “It is at Three Brothers there should be a bunch of broken coral to the north side of the formation, with a hole leading downward, but in the direction of the shortest rock. That is where you should find it.”

“Thank you, Y/N. Saronyu! We ride.” With that, they were off. Ronal clicked her tongue as they left and ushered the young hunter into the marui meant for the injured. She sat the girl down as she told Tsireya what to grab. The tsahìk was far from happy when she finally got to work.

“You stupid, stupid girl. Must you always put yourself in danger? Must you always pick difficult option?” She sat quietly through her scolding, it was the least she deserved after cheating death, thank Eywa. “You could have gotten yourself killed. Do you understand that? You could have died out there! Eywa tells me you almost did!”

She look into her eyes and saw the worry and panic, glancing to Tsireya drew a similar picture. “ngaytxoa. Truly. I got worried for a minute that I wouldn’t get out of it. I was drowning all over again, and it hurt so much.”

Her hand fell over her aching heart and lungs as she tried to maintain her breath, tears once again falling from her face. She felt an embrace behind her and instantly recognized it as Tsireya’s. She leaned back into it as her sobs came up one after another. Ronal gave the hand on the girl's chest a squeeze before continuing to work on her leg. She didn’t know how long her cries or the healing lasted, falling asleep at some point in her sister’s arms. It was a long and arduous day, that almost saw her end, but this was just the beginning of her transformation.

sorry, even more words than last time and still no neteyam. as much as i want to write with him, i wanted to establish the reader as a character apart from his own. he WILL be in the next chapter, though so please look forward to that. i've literally been writing since i published the last chapter and it is now five in the morning the next day. :) also, beginning of the chapter, reader is 14. that’s like a year younger than i set up in the first one, but i wanted to give her more time with the metkayina.

*fyìpsänrr is made up bc they haven’t been given an official na’vi name. they’re those glowing squid things kiri is always playing with.

[writing-astrid]

midnight feelings

pairing: choi san!nurse x mora (y/n)!college student

word count: 10.6k

summary: both invited to the same party in the changing march, mora meets san—a nurse that also lacks of rhythm to dance—at midnight and under the dim shaft the kitchen light casts on them. it is almost instant their connection, their desire for each other, but mora is experiencing this lust for the first time in her life with this unknown guy, so it would be correct if she follows her instincts?

a/n: welp, hey, there. this is me coming for the first time with an original fanfic, starring none less than one of the demonteez line yet being the sunshine he is, obviously our guy san. hope you enjoy it! lit spent 9 months writing this and i finally could finished it.

don't forget to like and comment! they are much appreciated xoxo

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It was late at night. Saturday was minutes to be history, and I was in my second beer. Chatter came from everywhere, music filling the March breeze running through the house I was in. Lights were off except from the one in the kitchen and the patio. Bad Bunny was on the speaker, and the dancing people were chorusing him. Even I joined them sometimes while standing there, in the limbo between the kitchen and the dining room, holding my beer, careful not to warm it up. The mood was nice and my girlfriends seemed to be enjoying themselves too.

Although they were also shy and not that drunk to be in the middle of the living room dancing with the many faces I’d seen in past parties. The three of us glimpsed at each other before lifting the bottles to our lips. Cami was in her third drink; Niki also in her second—she had bought like four Strongbows and it looked like they were soon to be gone.

“Faster!” Cami addressed me. I looked up at her. “Chug it down!”

I laughed. “One of us has to remove the makeup of the three.”

“None of us will!” Niki corrected. A fun spark crossed through her eyes, and I knew she was joking by seeing how her blue lips showed her flashy, perfect set of teeth. “But seriously, though. Enjoy the night. It’s been a heck of a week.”

“And it’s not even midnight.” Cami made a funny face before taking one more sip. I laughed again and imitated her. The cold liquid made it through the throats when another bop was being played on the speaker. Rompe by Daddy Yankee rumbled on the walls of the living room. Every single soul in the whole property screamed, immediately chanting the catchy beginning.

A circle was made where more people stepped into the darkness of the room to twerk—whether against a partner or down the floor, hard—and sing-slash-shout with no fear of losing a lung. Niki, Cami and I stayed behind like three static security cameras, drinking in their excitement with grins. The amount of people surrounding us flushed our cheeks.

“Holy shit, that’s sick!” exclaimed over the noise a guy on my left. Since I hadn’t noticed his presence, I was oddly amazed to find he was closer to me than what I’d thought. His smile widened to one side as he glanced at the three of us.

Dim light from the kitchen hit his profile, since he was half-facing us. A breath of mine joined the atmosphere when the clothes involving our arms brushed.

“Wish I could twerk like him, but the body Jesus gave just knows how to stand still like this,” he continued. His voice was a few decibels louder than the new verse of the song.

Not knowing which of us he was regarding, I answered, “All mortals like us can do is watch them and steal some of their energy.”

His eyes widened. “Oh, so you don’t dance either?”

“Can’t,” I clarified and deviated my sight from him to the dance floor. But now I knew I couldn’t easily forget his long eyelashes. “My parents didn’t program me to have rhythm when they created me.”

His body prompted toward me, finishing the connection his back had with the wallpaper. Lifted up a hand, eyes on me. Whoever this guy was wouldn’t need to say another word for me to high-five him. His skin warmed our touch.

“They used to tell me a bedtime story about why San—me—couldn’t dance at all. Spoiler alert: the stork that brought me to their garden wasn’t used to dance either.” The tone in his amiable voice made me laugh. The joke coming from his mouth sounded so funny to my relaxed system. “But hey, this isn’t fair. You already know my name. What’s yours?”

This wasn’t the moment to roll my eyes, not when I wasn’t even bothered to play along and follow the path San began to walk in. It actually caused a nice sensation in my insides.

Could’ve been the beers? I wouldn’t know.

“I’m”—I gave a step closer to him and tiptoed. The music boomed against every wall in the house and my voice was a small piece compared to it—“Mora!”

Feeling ashamed, because I practically yelled to his ear, I returned back quickly. I hadn’t expected what he did once I looked up again, though.

He had his lips pursed in a contained smile. Within one of my heavy breaths, he seized the opportunity and bent over my shoulder. “Mora? Isn’t that the Spanish word for ‘berry’?” The words got caught up in my throat, so I nodded. Jesus, his perfume suited him. “What a pretty name. It matches your lipstick.”

I shouldn’t have patted myself mentally for choosing the lost purple lipstick from the drawer.

But I did. I was elated I had.

“Thank you,” I whispered. My attention fell on my friends when they mouthed they’d go to the restroom; I signaled them a thumb up. “My parents were going to name me Monet, but I much prefer Mora.”

I gestured to him to move from where we were, back to the limbo I’d been standing at, where we could talk better.

“That’s because you’re accustomed to it by now. You would’ve said the same thing at some point in your life if your name had been Monet.” He pinched his lower lip with two fingers, as though it was a habit when thinking. “So, Mora, how did you know of this party?”

This time I did roll my eyes.

With a fucking smile on my face. “The host is my friend. You?”

“Same,” he said, his tongue catching and moistening that exact lip. “Though I heard of the party an hour ago or so. Lily invited us at the last minute.”

I went back to leaning on the wall, my eyes shifting from his to the dancefloor and vice versa. The person controlling the playlist really wanted everyone to move. “I’m not surprised.” I laughed with the mouth of the bottle between my lips. “If you’re friends with her, you may know how distracted she can be. I’m not blaming her, though!” I added immediately, before drinking another sip. “She has a lot in her mind with med school already.”

A brow arched above his wooden eyes and then exhaled. “Those good ol’ days. I graduated in December and damn, this ain’t no better than what I’d anticipated.”

“You’re already working?” I asked as I realized I had no clue what he could've specialized in. We were at a party hosted by a future doctor, but I wasn’t studying this and I couldn’t tell by just looking at him. It almost felt like guessing his name.

If he hadn’t told me, I would’ve named him Diego. That dark brown hair and wooden eyes gave off a Diego vibe. Or perhaps I was projecting one of my recent crushes on this San guy.

Both of them had been attractive to me the moment I paid attention to their presence near me. This is a secret, so keep it, please.

“What did you major in?”

“Nursery, actually. Many of these faces are faces I’ve seen daily the past four years.” San grinned in the middle of our eye contact. “I— To this day I still don’t know why I chose it.” And our laughs boomed with a drumming base of the music.

“Nor how you survived through.”

His eyes spread out, like he finally had realized something shocking. “Damn. You’re right, Mora. I keep going to school for my internship, so it feels like my student days haven’t come to an end.”

“Wow. I don’t think we’ve ever crossed paths.”

San dismissed my statement with a shrugging of a shoulder. “But tell me, what are you studying?” He moved aside to let a couple walk into the kitchen. One guy opened the fridge to my right, and by noticing the way he stumbled kneeling down, there was no doubt a single hit would send him to the floor; I grabbed the handle for him.

The other guy had halted in front of the stove, looking at the digital clock on it absent-mindedly.

“Translation, actually.” I mocked his voice tone, causing him to free a chuckle.

“Hey, that’s so cool! Many of my friends also studied that. You have to learn a third language, don’t you?”

I nodded. “Then ask them if they can help me. I’m a sophomore, but how I’ve come this far is yet to be known.”

I took another sip of beer while seeing him lift a finger at me, a crease forming between both brows.

A cute reaction, not gonna lie.

“Wait a moment.” I mouthed “Okay” and waited a moment.

And another.

I let go of the door finally.

But yet another.

Until I couldn’t help myself by asking, “What is it?” when he looked like his brain had stopped being functional.

“How old are you?”

My head tilted with tiny confusion curling my lips. “Nineteen. Why?”

He gulped down saliva so hard his Adam’s apple bobbed in a quick motion. I wouldn’t have noticed the moment I turned my sight away from him if it hadn’t been for the strands of hair landing between us like a curtain. My arms positioned as to embrace my torso, the cold, dark glass of the bottle resting on the corner of my elbow.

“I’m sorry I look flabbergasted. Guess wasn’t expecting you to be much younger than me.” One of my brows arched inquisitively, which he decoded immediately. “I’m turning twenty-three in summer.”

I held his gaze during a breath until I stared at the chanters on the couches and muttered, “Damn, you’re indeed old.”

“I’m— Sorry, sorry. I didn’t intend to say it that way. It’s just— You could be my sister’s friend.” San stepped forward and gingerly grabbed the wrist over my ribs as he noted my sulking. His face had drawn a nervous smile when I glanced back at him. “Hey.”

The next series of things occurring were as though the writer of my life had stoned. The couple in the kitchen decided they had had enough of kissing under the light and, thus, stumbled their way out.

Meaning, they either crossed between San and me or, as the easiest available option and the one they executed, pushed San to me to clear the way for both. They might’ve been a drop away from blacking out, but God wouldn’t minimize their strength.

One arm went to the concrete about my head, cutting him short from mashing my body with the mass of his body.

Both guys staggered behind him. I perceived when they were finally on the other side of the limbo, because my eyes were locked with the thin brown ring of his, and one second to another his background had again the rusty tone of the wall.

San’s perfume melted my insides, causing my breath to get stuck in my throat. I was almost capable of tasting him. In his gaze I found stars and fog, turning into shooting stars at the vibration when regarding my face. But when his chest stretched at him grasping for air, I had to control myself from raising my palms and touch him. Heat ran through my veins and never from where San was holding still my wrist—a countdown for me to ignite when it arrived in my heart. 

I could’ve burst into flames at his proximity. And the worst of it all was how little I cared. I’d gladly become ashes if I could have him this close again.

Exhaling shakingly and lowering his arm, careful not to hit me, San stepped back in slow motion. It seemed, by the flush on his cheeks and oscillation of his lashes, that he felt torn apart. Especially when our skins broke contact. My rush of adrenaline ceased and my breathing took wing—I believe the medical terminology would be “hyperventilation,” but the spot-on person to know if I was hyperventilating for a ridiculous reason was San, not me.

My hearing focused on the irregular beating heart drumming in my head. San regarded me with a teeny-tiny smile, bare visible yet there. Maybe trying to reassure me—nonetheless, I couldn’t bring myself to answer him. My brain was processing so much information I noticed his gesture five seconds after, when it proceeded to waver and vanish.

Then, and out of nowhere, before my vocal cords could produce any kind of sound, Niki materialized on my side, grabbing my hand and exasperatingly asking if I could call her. It had been a while since she used her phone and now didn’t remember where she’d left it. The noise made it hard for me to understand it all in one go, but once I assimilated the thread of words, and as Niki began to drag me out of my spot, I glimpsed back at San and his dark eyes and contrasting reddish t-shirt.

My heart begged to leave my chest as I said, “Sorry. I, uh— I’ll be back.”

Niki eventually brought me with her after he responded with hefty eyelids and messy hair, “Yeah, no worries.”

Worrisome crept through my skull and hung from my ribs, and fucking used it like a swing. 

San disappeared from my sight when we meandered left, walked past the queue to the toilet and through the main door. I found Cami sitting in front of a beautiful scarlet bougainvillea, using the edge of the concrete planter as a bench. Her also scarlet hair and crimson lipstick suited her so much my mouth wouldn’t shut up when I first saw her earlier.

“So how did it happen? When was the last time you used it?” I asked, cheeks flushed by the different first-experiences I’d had.

Cami furrowed her brows. “What do you mean?”

I was already on my contact list searching for Niki’s number the moment she herself placed a hand between the screen and my sight. “Well…A white lie doesn’t hurt anyone, does it?” She giggled, and Cami and I exchanged looks.

“What did this girl tell you?”

“That she lost her phone— Bitch, it was a lie?”

“In my defense, you were suffocating in flames there. It looked like you really needed some air, so I had to think fast.” Niki took a seat next to Cami and let go of a restrained sigh. “But air aids fire. Instead, I thought some watering should do you good.”

My brows erased the “Distance” entry from their dictionary. “Watering? What do you mean?”

“It’s going to rain. I can smell in the air.” Niki lifted a shoulder as it was nothing. Then grinned.

“Liar. You checked the weather app in the morning,” Cami reprimanded her with a soft shoving to the side. Her attention returned to me, and gifted me a reassuring smile. “So Mora, my girl, what was all that?”

Darn Cami and her devious gestures.

“Did you—?”

“Yup.” Cami popped the “p” and the way I heard it was as though she had enjoyed it. I glared at them, agape and sensing static crawling under my skin. “Everything.”

“Oh, God.” I didn’t know the many times I repeated myself in my pacing out of madness, but when I came to a halt, Niki and Cami had their eyes focused on me.

“We were taking care of you. We don’t know him, Mora,” Niki explained carefully, delicacy in her eyes.

It took me a few seconds to comprehend them, but I nodded. She was right. I also would’ve taken care of both if they had been in my position—talking to a stranger in a party where obviously, we were the vulnerable ones.

“What did you see?” I inquired secretly, trusting they would understand the real intention.

They glanced at each other, as in remembering better, and pondered in silence. Niki stretched her legs and crossed them again afterward. “He wants to kiss you so bad. More than the half of the time you’ve talked, he kept his hands on the pockets of his pants. And y’know what that means.”

“And when he noted he’d grabbed your wrist, the expression he made…like it also was a surprise to him for reacting in that manner.”

“Damn, and the way he approached to touch her,” Niki squeaked. “Please don’t let me know if I hallucinated because I couldn’t have gotten butterflies from my imagination.”

“Niki—”

I gasped, silently feeling comforted that I wasn’t making it up either. “You didn’t,” my voice managed to formulate.

I didn’t feel attacked at his attempt to reduce space between us. His grasp had been tender and hot around my skin, being mindful that the gemstones in my bracelet could easily hurt me if put more pressure on. Not even I’d been that attentive to it; for a reason I continuously ended up stabbing myself when doing anything.

“Then what did he make you feel? Are you comfortable around him?” Cami questioned with her mom-like tone.

I pondered an adequate answer while evoking our conversation and how he adventured to start it. In front of me, both girls squawked.

“We’ve lost her!” they yelled, and I had no other option than to shut them up with a slap on their laps. Their giggles caught the attention of the people in the garage, provoking my face to paint as maroon as the flowers behind my friends looked in the shade.

“We’ll keep eyeing you, okay?” The corners of Niki’s blue lips curled upwards. “Now you may return with your man.”

It is fair to say she deserved this second hit, at which she remained impassive notwithstanding. “He’s not my man, idiot.”

But then she challenged me with a threat. “You’ll be sleeping on the freezing floor if we leave this party and you’ve got no action.”

“I wouldn’t even be sorry I’ll be taking your place on the bed, Mora,” Cami seconded her with a smirk too.

“At times like this is when I seriously ask myself why and how you gained my love.” Biting my lip, I stomped my way back under the same rhythm of my erratic heart. The last thing I heard from outside were their devil laughs, and, to my great surprise, a thunder that silenced for a beat the music from inside.

It saddened me for a second that I’d missed the twisting of the lighting in the closed sky.

To be completely honest, I don’t quite have an idea of how I arrived back to the kitchen with my mouth filled with beer and my bottle hanging now empty from my fingers. I did somehow, and without any inconvenience the beer went down my throat, still cold and bitter. I trashed the bottle and moved to the fridge to open my last one.

While trying to find our box of beers, I also pathetically attempted to shy away every thought related to San. What we talked about, and what could happen next.

However, it was impossible.

I was intrigued, and my mind wouldn’t stop inquiring. When I stood up, my eyes roamed through the room and its feeble lighting. My eyes plummeted on a group of guys on the patio, talking and laughing. San was there, from his fingers dangled a lit-up cigarette whereas his other hand held a beer. A warm yellow shaft fell on his features, and I could see a threat of smoke emitting from his lips.

When I raised my eyes back to his, he already had been staring at me. He raised the cigarette back to his plump lips as soon as he exhaled the puff. His t-shirt stretched with his breathing in, but I couldn’t look away.

We stared at each other, inert on our feet while people danced their way between us.

San didn’t return to the mass intoning Danny Ocean even when the rain broke the skies and poured outside. And I focused on other things to forget that I had a clock right behind me. Cami and Niki pranced tipsy through the hallway to the living room and, at last, joined the crowd. I found another friend in the party, and drank half of the bottle with her, mumbling into nonsense as I accepted the alcohol in my system.

More lightning and thunder echoed in the heavens. I would like to say that was the reason I’d look outside the window door so frequently, and not because of certain someone whose heavy stare I felt on my body, making like a path of burning tingles, from time to time. Although it was impressive how him and his friends were still in the patio even when rain began pouring slightly.

A part of the night clicked by lively with the three of us attempting to twerk, making us company when going to the toilet—thank God neither needed help inside the restroom—and trails of screen’s lights, manes, and shirts roaming around.

The speaker had played perhaps four or ten songs by the moment I finished my drink and my phone vibrated in my hand from a text. It was my brother at two a.m. asking if we were going to need him to come for us since rain had gotten heavy in the last five minutes. The house was just a pair of streets away, but I pondered on the answer while making my way to the countertop to grab a glass of water. I bent to fill the red cup, and unconsciously left the chat open, so hearing a voice next to me was a huge startle that got me hitting in the crown of my head.

“Your boyfriend?” San had asked, and caused my scene of humiliation. “Oh, shit, are you okay?”

“I hope so.” I chuckled and massaged the area that was throbbing.

Seldom are the times I promise things, but I swear I had my eyes closed the moment I faced the voice. That, until another pair of hands cupped my hand and jaw, leading me to stare widely at his eyes, surprise plastered on my features and in my heartbeat. There were so many questions I wanted to formulate—how could you make me feel things so soon? Who are you? Who will be you tomorrow morning?—while mingling in his voice and smell.

Blame the alcohol crashing in my bloodstream, but if I were to turn into thin dust at this exact second by formulating them and continue talking to him the rest of the damn night, I knew I wouldn’t fucking mind.

Before I could hear his questioning inside the walls of my head, my vision lowered to his mouth and plump pink lips. He’d pursed them once again. This occasion, near the yellow kitchen shaft, their shape reminded me of the buttons of my shirt—round and fleecy, absorbing the dim shadows of the room. And my hands wished to do just two things: to bring his lips closer and tear my shirt open.

A shift on his brow in a cocky manner brought me back to the query floating around us. “Does my response matter?”

Not a single beat in when he said, “Yes.”

My hand fell to my side, and along with the motion I swung his skin with me. I blinked. “No. It’s my brother asking if he should collect us since it’s…raining.” One finger of him was grabbing one of mine, loosely.

That’s when I noted his wet hair and the drops of cold rain on his t-shirt, all over his broad shoulders. Two trailed down the side of his neck, and it took all of me not to lick them off.

The point where our skins connected was severely precarious. We’d stop touching each other even at the slightest involuntary movement. It got me in a state of self-awareness and warning, red codes flooding my arteries. I shouldn’t even consider grasping tighter to not let him go.

But he was digging deeper in both my skin and eyes. Each ticking second became harder for me to differentiate if the numbing of my thoughts were his nearness or the drinks perching in my system and fogging them. San was under my touch, in front of my sight, inside my lungs. How could I not have gotten intoxicated by him?

My guts clenched at noticing the sex-themed lyrics of the songs blasting from the speaker. Verses I’d sung my lungs out on my own were stuck within my breath in the back of my throat.

“I shouldn’t be worried then?” His husky voice electrified my veins.

My eyelids fluttered in bewilderment. “About what?”

“You having a boyfriend.” I sensed his smirk prior to swinging down my gaze. Curling the fingers of my free and useless hand, I forced myself to peek at his wooden eyes and maintain my focus there.

Me fighting against myself and these foreign instincts was somehow a ground absolutely virgin—such as I indeed was.

My brain cells had died or extinguished themselves from Earth, as the dinosaurs. Because constructing sentences and foreseeing what could happen only led me to an awkward emptiness in my mind, where not even the noisy murmur of my subconscious would guide me. As though it had turned off, like a radio with dead batteries.

That was when I snapped out of my cage—grabbed my phone, now the screen off, and stepped away from him, shaking my head as the response his frown was eager to hear. Placing the phone in one butt-pocket, I looked in the counter for my previous glass but ended up grabbing a new one to fill with water. It was clearer than the liquid I was drinking that I didn’t want to see what his reaction was.

Never had I been ashamed of never having a boyfriend—or of basically being inexperienced with guys—but now, missing the possible change of his expression would make it simpler to the thumping of my heart aiming to rip my chest open.

When I glanced at San, the creases from his forehead had disappeared. The smirk had stayed, though, and caught something like relief flooding his features.

“I’d never had a boyfriend, as a matter-of-fact,” I faintly said, not knowing what had prompted me to, once half of the red plastic glass was finished. The liquid in it was tasteless, so I was positive it was water.

My body couldn’t take another drop of alcohol.

“I’m calling BS,” San exclaimed in stupefaction.

I grimaced. “Believe me when I say I wish it was. Always have attributed it to the numerous unrequited loves I’ve found myself in. Knowing that nothing would ever go beyond that, perhaps even unconsciously, every single time has made it easier for me to just…unclasp them from me. Or me from them.” A corner of my lips went upwards bittersweetly as I swung in the water left in my hand.

San crossed his arms on his chest and peered the room behind me before asking, “So you’ve had no sex?”

My face flushed and my stomach sank. Didn’t think he would dare to enquiry so directly. “Nope,” I answered sincerely, staring at the countertop. Then at his eyes. “What about you?”

San nodded. “My first time was a few years ago, with my now ex.” He scratched his nape. “Wait, have you gotten to any base?”

That question got me biting back my lip before I could think it through. “The abstract of my romantic and sexual lives is inexistent.” I laughed my usual laugh, with my head falling back and my neck exposing. “Never have I held hands with somebody. Never have I kissed someone. Never have been touched—”

Unlike other situations caused by alcohol, this moment caught me with the surprise that indeed alcohol is dangerous to people like me. The kind that takes too long to say things because we overthink everything. But due to our systems altered and light-feathered head, words would be vomited, slurred, that otherwise would’ve been thought thoroughly in some fake scenario prepared beforehand.

And sharing this information wasn’t in my plans. Although it was too late to mend the mess—San had heard, processed, and comprehended my words.

Feeling my mouth open and close twice, I went mute for a second as I dwelled on what I should do next to avoid the slightest idea in him of stopping our acquaintance. As inexperienced as I was at kissing and being in intimacy with guys, the blood in my veins still fancied his proximity, his attention, his eyes on me and my lips nonetheless.

I was not dense enough to miss noticing how his view swayed downwards, and it wasn’t to admire the purple-ish lipstick fading, even though his eyes locked there for a beat too much. 

“I’m not gonna apologize for speaking facts about me. And if it’s a huge pressure on you and I to be friends due to that and it leads to us stopping our convo, then I guess you may regret it a little. But I assure you in the end it’s gonna be okay; you’ll survive.”

His chortle danced to my ears. San didn’t spare my blood pressure as he let his head hang cutely to one side. “It’s been a while since I’ve spoken to a girl in a party, and you’re easy-going and funny that I don’t think I could let you go just right away.” He snatched from my black-polished nails the red glass. “Besides, I ought to know how come that no one has ever…been inside your walls.”

The rose tint from the beers on my cheeks grew darker as I caught the suggestiveness rolling out of his tongue. But I was riveted on him filling back the cup and sipping next to the spot of a purple lipstick that, in the end, I didn’t relate this new wave of heat to his words.

“What would you do then, if you had the opportunity in your hands?” He returned to my left flank and leaned his hip on the counter. “Would you have sex with someone you’d just met?”

My head shook on its own before the ˂20 sober percentage in my system could process and ponder his question. “One-night stands aren’t really my thing.”

“Oh, that’s good, you’ll be safer. I never have experienced it either, since it is never sure if the people involved are completely clean. Irony would be if a doctor or nurse ends up catching a STD.”

“It may be mainly that, yeah. But just imagine if one of them has a kink that is not of your liking and wouldn’t respect your decision by imposing themself. There must be trust, respect for each other and their boundaries, and—”

“Love?”

The mocking tone in his voice drew my brows together. “San, please, we’re talking about sex. You well know this is apart from romantic emotions.”

He shrugged a shoulder and showed me a wide smile. “It was a dumb question you answered perfectly.”

To continue his joke, I pushed myself away from the counter and teased him with a nineteenth-century curtsy. “It has been my pleasure, my lord.” I finished my little theatrical act and returned my gaze to him, freezing briefly at the smirk that popped into view a pair of beautiful dimples I had tried my best to ignore before.

This bastard had to have it all, hadn’t he?

“But yeah, that’s how things are. Personally, I could never be with someone whom I don’t trust nor connect. Developing these feelings toward someone completely different from you takes a big-ass amount of time.”

While he began answering me, he moved us away from a group of friends that had entered the kitchen and that I was unaware of. “You’re one of those who enjoy suffering thus choosing the hard way, ain’t you?”

I smiled at him, biting my lip quickly to behave as I should.

But being tipsy wasn’t advantageous for the situation. “And you’re one of those who act in a bold manner.” I pointed at his hand wrapping my waist, his warm hand spread immobile against my only layer of clothing. “Not that I mind. Things have felt and been different tonight and somehow…I can’t seem to complain having you close,” I whispered, fidgeting with the ends of my mane.

Two of his fingers, oozing security and softness, placed a few of my rebel baby hairs with the rest, but ended up wandering through the bridge of my nose to a brow and then to my temple until they were brought to a halt in my jaw. His stare exposed his confusion and desire, as it glued for seconds on my features in sheer silence. Not even his breath made it to my ears, much less his heartbeat.

San and I were in a corner of the room, and he acted as if no one else could see us there, standing so close we might’ve as well looked like we already kissed. The purple of my lips was surely smeared, but San wasn’t the reason. 

I wasn’t used to having eyes on me. Under other circumstances, people would take a look over us and gossip about things. However, every single soul in the house was in their own world, I had to remind myself.

I wasn’t used to having eyes on me, although in this circumstance, if by “eyes” meant his, then I think I had no option than to sway along the river.

“The night is young and yet I feel it slipping through my fingers.” San tightened his grasp on my back, inducing me to get a step closer. Our chests had finally clashed one onto the other. “I want to know you more, so talk to me, please.”

It took nineteen years in order to fully acknowledge that my boobs were too small for my liking.

A nervous laughter, another of those that display my neck, came out. Thank God San was holding me steadily, because I could’ve lost balance. “We’re already talking.”

“This is not enough, Mora,” he said with a small smile to the side, a small dimple appearing. “Tell me more about you, your family, your past. I’m genuinely interested in this girl named after one of my favorite berries found in Costco.”

He welcomed my weak fist on one solid bicep.

And San laughed, shrinking his eyes and frowning his brows. His shoulders had also lifted but when the tension left his system, his stare returned to be the heavy, beaming one pouring over me.

I did as requested and we…got lost into our own little world. Exchanged life experiences, dreams and goals for the future, and family situations with their respective inside jokes. Stole two pieces of cake from the fridge and savored them at three a.m. Although San finished what I’d left, since I wasn’t as hungry as him—I had eaten the leftovers of my hamburger minutes prior to starting putting on makeup. He handed me his phone to write down my name on Facebook’s searching bar; I unlocked mine on my other hand to accept him. We laughed, I almost cried and he freaked out a little bit. He held me close, stood between my legs when I sat down on the countertop, or grabbed me again from the waist with one or both hands when his hip was leaned on the edge of the laminate. 

We’d provoke brushes or strokes if for any reason we had finished the prior contact. I sent him signals, mental texts, images of what I was manifesting, because our connection grew and I felt it—as well as I felt a big percentage of the alcohol leaving my body by now, though this wasn’t as urgent as the former.

The clock was ticking, and I had become a bit surer of what I wanted to happen between us. Even with the threat of me sleeping on the floor if I returned home with no action, my mind was made up for a completely independent reason. And that certain reason was thumping as mad as a drummer inside my ribcage and throbbing against other parts of my body. There was no necessity for him to know this.

But before anything else happened, I had to hear the truth from his lips and voice.

“San?” I muttered.

He turned toward me after having searched everywhere for the third red cup we’d lose within an hour. “Yeah?”

“Let me be straightforward and ask something even if I kill the mood.”

San laughed. “Go ahead.”

“You—” I cut myself to breath in. Speaking my sober mind wouldn’t ever stop being hard, ain’t it? “Earlier, you talked to me thinking I was older?”

Not a single second passed when he articulated in a shy tone, “Positive.”

“And you’ve always had in mind kissing me?” God, it’s me again. With the alcohol remaining in my veins, make me look good and nothing-at-all ashamed for interrogating him this way.

His head tilted, and a half curve was formed on his lips. “If the chance came, yes. No one says no to kissing in a party. Just look around. Everyone’s lips are glued to another’s. But knowing this would be your first kiss, I wouldn’t like to pressure yourself into doing something you’re not sure of.”

Well, I hadn’t learned at school which is the best timing to give your first kiss, and even though I wasn’t against the idea of turning this moment into a romantic memory, I’d always wanted to have my first kiss with a boy I liked. Yeah, that’s right. The dream of every girl with pink-colored glasses on.

Truth be told, I’d felt this electricity running through my whole body when San’s eyes landed on mine or studied my face, so it was impossible to deny that I wasn’t attracted to him. He’d been treating me respectfully the whole night, which made me think of him like a safe guy. And he already pledged he’d stop whenever there was a “no” from either his partner or him.

He seemed trustworthy after all the time we’d spent talking and opening about ourselves.

It just was my mind that wouldn’t shut up with all its hourly overthinking, nonetheless. He was older, yes. He had more experience, yes. He knew what he was looking for—which I didn’t know. Did he come to me because he thought of me as a pretty gal or as someone sexy who he’d get something from? Did he see me and couldn’t stop himself from coming over? Or was I the easiest target because I was with my girlfriends and standing still?

And after the sun rises again, with me in his Facebook friends and vice versa, what will be going to happen? Back to strangers, but now with the only difference that he will have become the guy who took my first kiss away from my lips?

Funny thing is, regardless of the overthinking of my mind, I did want it.

I wanted him to kiss me. 

I did crave the shortening of distance between his lips and mine.

I had made my mind that he was the one I’d chosen the moment I started feeling protected in every kind of way. When he didn’t laugh at my lack of experience and romance in my life. When he answered my naïve questions with seriousness, never trying to mansplain what he knew about.

And he might’ve acted all out to get this one goal—to eat someone’s mouth in a party, the most casual thing—but I might have as well. I’m no goddess-looking girl, but I flirted, intended to focus him on my lips by playing with them, posed to look sexier for him to notice the usual cute face everyone sees.

It may be not a lie when I say that we both were lusting for it. To taste, smell, feel each other. Arousal ran under my skin at the expectation, though I still hadn’t answered him. My eyes fell on the closed glass door. And then beyond that, to the darkness of the night and the few raindrops that had lingered enough time on the ceiling and would meet the same spot on the floor.

“Ever crossed your mind that your first kiss would be under the rain?” he asked, silencing my train of thought.

I couldn’t stop a smirk from forming on my face. “Oh, Mr. San, are you asking me if you can kiss me?” I half-joked. I was done. My heartbeat had taken the race thing too seriously and now bumped blood to my body at the speed of light. The weightless breeze caressing the bare skin of my neck was cold.

Or maybe I was too turned on.

Which was weird, because he hadn’t touched me past my hand and clothes. Besides, I had stopped drinking a while now.

Lust really was something else, huh?

“I’m open to the opportunity if you also want to.” He shrugged like it meant nothing, maybe not to put pressure on me, but I sensed his lie under the tip of my tongue. It tasted sour.

“Okay,” I found myself muttering with a crescent smile. “I do. I’m in.”

Best mood-killer ever, by the way.

He gave me a shocked look before questioning me if he’d heard right. I repeated myself. He grinned.

We snickered into the door on his back, into the laundry room. The door shut us in the darkness, and I didn’t care if someone caught us on our way in. This moment was San’s and mine.

“Follow me,” I whispered even though the music beyond the walls could hide my normal voice enough.

“Where are we going?”

I grabbed the knob of a door to my left and unlocked it. I let him walk out first, facing a short corridor that also led to the patio. I knew beforehand not a single soul was outside, due to the rain, so it was the perfect spot for our escapism to sin. “You asked if I wanted my first kiss to be under the rain.” I shrugged a shoulder and intertwined my shaking fingers. “I thought a private place would be better.” San gulped down and nodded.

The lightbulb above us illuminated half of our faces. I kept fidgeting with my nails even when my back hit the brick and its temperature ran through my skin. “I’m nervous,” I admitted in a low voice. I hardly felt the blasts of the speaker on my feet.

“Me too.” San, looking at my hands, scratched one side of his neck. “Are you—?”

“I’m okay. Are you still—?”

Now he cut me off by cocooning my trembling limbs with a hand. “Yes.”

“Okay,” I mouthed inaudibly, rather to myself than to him.

“Okay,” San mirrored. He came nearer, and I had all my back fused to the cement. Both of his hands cupped my face. I was jammed staring at the wooden eyes of his when they blinked numerous times and glanced down to my lips. “Okay, then,” he repeated again, a breath away from me.

I had seen in movies how mouths had to be open, so I did. My lips parted slowly for the first time and for him. The last thing I viewed was him closing his eyelids with pleasure.

Kissing was a weird sensation. Or maybe I’d thought that because he went hard on me, as though he indeed had been wanting to taste my mouth and play with my lips all night long. I tried to keep up with his years of experience by moving them and accepting each feeling the moment was granting me.

He broke our kiss when I wasn’t ready to let go of the sensation. I sighed and opened my eyes; his were two thin lines. Barely. “Wait, let’s do it this way,” he commanded in a clear, hot mumble. My legs wobbled, and I felt like newborn Bambi.

However, starting from the next kiss, he had a fire burning inside him. And I was confused how I could've been the one to light it. Because catching my lips again, San shifted our positions. He was breathing loudly and with effort, though it didn’t cut him short of embracing my waist with his ripped arms and raising me from the ground—like I weighed nothing—a second before placing his solid thigh between my legs. As he was taller than me, I ended up being tiptoed, my upper body clenched against him. And in under the span of one second, somehow, my hands grabbed him from the shoulders even though it wasn’t necessary—his grasp kept tight and firm around my shape.

This time, San enjoyed sucking my lower lip, and gave it a tiny bite prior to kissing me with his tongue meandering in, licking and looking for mine. I was sensing everything so much in every corner of my body that, when I chose to make my tongue dance and fight against his, my hips began rocking back and forward on his thigh. The tension was electrifying, violent within my nerves, and it took all my might to not dip my nails on him.

I could’ve died right there, or maybe I did and came back to life immediately. San was devouring me, leaving no room in my senses to think of anything else that weren’t either him and this moment. I followed his lead and separated to fill our lungs with a scent other than ourselves, but it was hard, especially when what happened the next time I inhaled, I was sent berserk.

We were inches apart, inhaling and exhaling with difficulty. My bottom lip was throbbing and numb when I nibbled it while expecting the next inevitable kiss, but San had planned another trajectory. Contrarily to my shrouded thoughts, San set down briefly his lips on my jaw and, just like that, he was facing my neck. His grip around me got tightened, and it was efficient for me to not fall as I was melting down for him. My hips were still rolling against his thigh, aiding the pulsing spot between my legs, this time a bit more steadily. He left wet kisses and its noises downwards until the base of my neck.

The effect that had on me led me to my head falling back, giving him more space if possible, at the deadly feeling. I wish I had grabbed his hair between my fingers and held him closer, but I didn’t. I could barely feel my limbs.

“You smell so damn good,” he had said with his mouth caressing my sensitive skin.

My eyes were shut, trying to understand what he had said with the feather-like sensation of my head. “Thank you,” I answered finally in a murmur. However, now that I think of it, a moan could’ve been a more adequate response, though.

He giggled his way up, and when I reopened my eyes, he was staring down at me, a smirk showing off his cute dimples. The oscillation of our chests was irregular, and my blood pressure was one kiss away from causing a heart attack.

That was when I recognized the sound of the glass door sliding open. And I supposed he also had, because he grabbed my hand and unclicked the door for us. My mind was hazy and my senses numb, so by some means, I turned on the lightbulb of the laundry room above our heads. Both of us leaned on each door to grasp for the last breath we were interrupted from having in the fresh night air.

I glanced at him, he glanced back, and our laughter filled the tiny space we were in.

“I’m sorry if I came out rude,” he said staring at the ceiling. “I thought you wouldn’t like anyone seeing us kissing.”

“Don’t worry. It’s all good.” I smiled at him, but it was a strange one, because my lips were plumber than usual, filled with fluttering static.

He lowered his gaze and stepped forward, to me, licking his lips. And I spotted desire stacking up in his eyes—his wanting to kiss me again. His hands lifted up to cup my face again, and his towering shape bended on me.

But my hand flew to his thorax to stop him. It worked on his marching, but he kept his hands close to my jaw, a concerned expression welled up from his frown to his pursed lips.

“I’m feeling lightheaded and dizzy,” I confessed and he nodded, the creases on his forehead not disappearing though. I sighed, nestled on his warm touch, and finally dared to stroke the growing hairs of his nape. We were still like this a few seconds while waiting for me to regain back any healthy shade of color on my cheeks.

When I focused on him again, I noticed my eyes had been closed as he’d caressed a cheek and a piercing of my ear. One of the corners of my lips raised on its own. “Thank you,” I muttered after accommodating my weight on my two feet. “I’m feeling better.”

“Really? I’m glad. That, uh— That’s good to hear,” he also spoke in his suppressed, husky tone. His hands fell to his sides and widened the space between us. Ironically, I felt as though air had been fisted out of my lungs.

My limbs, not knowing yet what to do with them, crossed over my ribs. A finger with a mind on its own crept to my lips nonetheless, and like I was at the cinema, watching a movie, my brain opted to show me everything that had happened in the span of the last few minutes. It had been easier to relive it since the room we were in was so quiet, and the chants coming from my back were muffled.

I had to rest on the wood of the door to keep on my feet. “And thank you, San.” The words slipped out of my mouth before I could’ve had the chance to swallow them.

He was reclining on the washing machine to my right, his arms tensed for the weight pushing his body straight. His eyes squinted with wonderment. “What for?”

“For making me feel safe. For talking to me this whole time. For being the first guy to ever kiss me.”

“There’s a tint on your voice like we’re breaking up,” he joked.

I shook my head gingerly. “The night’s soon to be over.” I scratched one brow at reminiscing the entire scene once again. “Damn, you’re a good kisser.”

Fuck, did I just say that out loud?

At least I made him bend over, laughing. “Well, thank you. I’m happy you enjoyed yourself. I also did.”

I bit back my lips and beamed at him with a grimace. “I think we should go back. My friends must be looking for me.”

“Sure.” San gazed at me so tenderly I almost begged him to hug me. Almost.

Instead, I opened the door for him and he walked out first. The moment I prepared to bear the rest of the party as though I hadn’t just devoted my first kiss to San, I heard Niki’s voice regarding him. “Have you seen Mora?” she had asked the exact moment I came into her range of view to turn off the light behind me. I caught at most a glimpse of the shape of her brows rising before she said then in a raucous voice, “Oh,” and turned away.

“She knows, right?” San questioned.

“Yup.” I popped the “p” as if it were chewing gum. “She may have an idea.”

“Well, there’s nothing we can do, is there?”

I shrugged a shoulder and sighed. I could bet she had prompted to Cami and told her everything now. “You’re right. Anyways, want another glass of water?”

He nodded and stole my opportunity to fill the red glass by snatching it from my hands and doing it himself. Then, he waited for me to drink my sips and was until I had enough when he emptied it. Damn, I just wanted to be taken care of by him a little more.

The night continued. Music thumped each tile of the floor, voices broke by singing to a high note, laughter joined to the mess created. The last message I received from my brother was two hours ago, at 2:18 a.m. when he sent “Goodnight, Loca” instead of writing “Mora” because he had always liked how they rhymed.

I didn’t enjoy it as much as him, but whatever. I left his message unread.

I left San in the kitchen two times to go pee, and each time I returned, he was waiting for me with our red plastic glass between his teeth and on the phone. The second time I wasn’t running lucky, since he was answering to some friends that had come to the party with him. The clock in the stove read 4:44 when I blinked at it in the middle of my yawn.

“I think it’s time for me to leave,” he said apologetically.

“Really? Why?” I wish I had bitten back the words. I feared my voice had the neediness my insides were trying hard to ignore.

“One of my friends is staggering on the sidewalk and another is throwing up in the bathroom from upstairs. They’re at their limit and I still have to drop them off before I get home.”

“Yeah, sorry. It was a stupid question.” I glared down, fidgeting with my nails.

“It wasn’t, I promise.” He raised my face with a grip on my chin. “Thank you for making me company tonight and allowing me to get to know you. I had a great time.”

Blood rushed to my cheeks. “I did too. And if you want to talk, you know my DM is open.”

Please kiss me again.

“Sure. See you, Mora.” San half-hugged me, his arm embracing my waist, and kissed my cheek.

Please make me yours.

“Night, San.” His perfume made it to my lungs and held it in as much as I could.

Please don’t go yet.

His touch slithered from my torso to my arm and then, my fingerprints on his palm disappeared as soon as our mutual brush finished and I was there, hanging and grasping the crisp air. My arm returned loosely to my side, as though he had stolen part of my energy.

I set free my breathing and didn’t risk a flood of emotions at seeing him leave the house, or at knowing which car was his. I channeled my attention to the songs and the few souls remaining. It was a wonder to me how there were only ten of us left when an hour prior the house was crowded and it looked like it was vomiting humans.

The chilly breeze flew through the rooms, so I grabbed and put on the sweater I had thrown to the sofa when we first arrived.

By the moment I encountered Lily, she was drunk and sad at five a.m. She wanted to sleep, but the rest of the guests—us—weren’t leaving yet. So I opted to help her ease her frustration and fetched Niki and Cami. In no time they gathered up their things and the three kissed Lily goodbye.

“I’m sorry,” she said but Niki waved off her words.

“We understand, girl. Have a good night, sweetie.”

“Sleep tight,” I said, and Cami waved a hand.

As the house Niki and I lived in was near, and the rain had stopped from watering wild flowers, we walked past the houses for two or three minutes until we stopped in front of the door of our garage. The streetlight blinked a few times before steading, just right when Niki unlocked the door.

The city was one hour from dawning and yet, everything was so quiet out there. No wind, no clouds, and a dog barking was hardly heard in the distance. I gave it a quick thought to San and if he had arrived safely by now; however, I knew I had better things to think about—than a guy I might never see again—like how to recollect strength to change into pajamas and wipe off my makeup.

And these only were two of them.

Niki and Cami spoke of the fun they had, and I was more than proud, since they’d been my guests. I was listening to the conversation in parts, for I was coming in and going out of Niki’s room, where we were going to sleep all three. Once I had changed into a new set of pajamas in the bathroom and washed my teeth, I returned to the bedroom to remove my little effort of eyeliner, mascara, shadows, and the smeared lipstick.

“—and when that guy did the step of Anita, I almost joined him on the floor. Just facts,” Cami stated and snapped her fingers twice.

“Fuck! If you’ve had, I also would’ve, bitch! Why didn’t you tell me?” Niki called out. Both of her hands rushed to cover his mouth as she noticed she had screamed.

“That isn’t my fault, ‘kay?” Cami whispered.

“What in the world are you talking about?” I expressed in amusement while taking off my glasses and tapping on one eye the remover cream.

They shared a glance I could catch up with since I wasn’t as sight-depraved as Niki. Their giggles boomed in the room, but they weren’t normal ones—these had evilness in their ring.

“You would’ve seen the public show if you just hadn’t starred your own.” I swore Cami had secret horns matching her hair color.

“Her own private show,” seconded Niki, dancing up and down her brows.

“Y’all don’t even know what happened.” Okay, I admit that was a crappy attempt to defend myself.

“But I saw the two of you coming out of the laundry room, somewhat…buoyant.”

“I have to say, Mora, what the fuck? Why, girl, why in the damn laundry room?”

 I raised my palms briefly. “Nothing happened there! Calm down, geez.”

“Then?” Cami’s honey eyes beamed at me. She had on her pajamas and looked more angelic than before. That chameleon girl. “What happened elsewhere? Because that guy? He had laid his eyes on you the moment he arrived.”

Comprehending her last sentence, all my prior thoughts evaporated. “What?”

Cami stared up at both from the individual air mattress Niki had put for her. “You heard right. He arrived at eleven-ish with some other guys, and left their beers in the fridge, but I think you were in the bathroom helping Lily at that time. However, the first moment I saw you catching his attention, we were in the backyard. He was—”

“Standing at the right, with a bunch of other guys, talking, wasn’t he?” I cut in, faintly remembering someone with a red t-shirt in the middle of a circle composed of darker colors.

“Yeah. When we decided to get inside, I noticed his friends outside encouraging him to do something.”

“Fists and all?” Niki deadpanned.

“Fists and all,” answered Cami back within a sigh. “Instead of encouraging him, it seemed like they were going to kill him before he could even try something with you. But yeah, I saw him walk through the door and, as unnoticeable as a tall guy with a red t-shirt could be, he approached to your side. Not ours; yours. He glanced many times to see if you’d noticed him, and got so relieved when he finally stopped at your side.”

The words had caught up in my throat.

“I am witness to this last part,” Niki said. “So when he said something, it was for you to answer, not us, so we let you take charge of the rest.”

“How come I-I wasn’t aware of this?” San had felt attracted to me…way before we even exchanged names? He had been nervous since the beginning? “You’re not messing with me, are you?”

They shook their heads in sync. “You need to check your glasses, hun.” Niki patted my knee with a chortle stuck in her tongue.

Cami and I rolled our eyes. “It just means you didn’t go to the party looking for guys.”

“Speaking of which, I’m sorry I left you on your own the whole night after— Well, after him.”

“What the fuck are you saying? We’re more than happy you also spent a great night, be it with us or not.” Cami smiled widely.

“And we were together, so it didn’t matter to us much. Don’t worry.” Niki put on a black hoodie. “But what’s done is done. Now spill the tea between you two, bitch.”

I didn’t know where to begin with. I had lived so much with him in the span of a few hours that my brain was still processing everything. “We talked, like a lot. He seemed genuinely interested in my life and dreams and goals, so, after I returned inside from your shitty lie”—I glared at Niki and her muffled laughter came from behind the sheets—“we opened up about ourselves. My mind began to produce images that hadn’t happened…yet. But when we were actually living the moment…it was much better, I swear. He kissed me as though he would die otherwise. With tongue too, which was something totally unexpected.”

“Did you like it?” Niki asked.

“I didn’t not like it, but it is a weird sensation having someone else’s tongue inside your mouth, you know? And it was barely the second time we had, yeah, our lips pressed together, so it’d escalated rather quickly to my liking.”

As I ran out of breath, I had the time to regard their reactions. My eyes lifted from my hands to their agape faces.

“What’d you say?”

“Wait a damn minute.” Niki pressed her mouth in a thin line. “Mora, bitch, how many kisses were there?”

Color dashed to my face and the neck he had also savored. And since I couldn’t bring my voice to pass through the knot in my throat, I signaled them three and four. Not even I recalled when it finished one and started the next.

For the following five minutes I narrated my vague memories. I was tired yet still mesmerized by San. Although I still was having a hard time gulping down what Cami had told us.

I left the girls chatting some more about the party to go to the bathroom, but when I stopped at the door, no sound came from the inside. I entered tiptoeing and lay back on the mattress, reminiscing the night in the ceiling once more, because…why the hell not? I was in my right.

It was early in the morning when my eyelids felt too heavy for me to maintain them open any longer.

After waking up, we cooked pancakes at eleven for breakfast with a cup of coffee to energize our dehydrated bodies. The dishes were placed in the sink, and I had a foolish wish for them to wash themselves. At one we put a movie on the TV in the living room and, although I wasn’t paying much attention, I caught glimpses of some scenes. I had spent mainly my time surfing on Instagram, watching reels to help with the boredom that a Sunday afternoon meant.

That, until a bubble with his name on my screen appeared, and I evoked his promise for a kiss under the rain and when we were outside, nothing had poured.

[theartoflovingthomashunt]

New Traditions

[All Thomas Hunt x Alex Spencer Masterlists] [Baby Hunt]

Pairing: Thomas Hunt x Alex Spencer (F!OC) Book: Red Carpet Diaries (Post Series) Word Count: <;600 Rating: General: no warnings (slightly angsty?) Prompts: @choicesjanuarychallenge: night

Synopsis: Thomas and Alex try to enjoy some lights at a holiday festival. (a late Christmas fic... whoops... better late than never?)

Art by the lovely LizByArt on Instagram

The warmth of his arms around her shielded her from the cool night's breeze. This had always been her favorite time of year. There was just something about the magic of the season. The colors. The lights. The joy. The hope. It reminded her that everything was possible, even something as simple as a quiet moment in the arms of the man she loved.

The twins had changed their lives in so many ways. Life with two infants wasn't always (or ever) easy, but Thomas and Alex wouldn't have it any other way. They enjoyed every second of their parenthood journey. Nothing in the world compared to holding their children in their arms. Felicity and Vincent were their parents' whole world.

Still, celebrating Christmas with nine-month-old twins wasn't the same. Many places and events Alex liked to attend weren't fitting for infants, especially now that they seemed to enter a new screaming stage. Things at home were different too. They wouldn't remember all the outfits and photoshoots Alex had arranged for them or the presents and gifts under the tree. The decorations and lights brought momentary intrigue but were soon overshadowed by something else. Felicity and Vincent were too young to appreciate the same magic of the season Alex saw.

Alex rested her head on his shoulder, staring at the colorful lights and brilliant display surrounding them. Her lips pulled up at the enchanting sight, but her smile didn't seem to reach her eyes. What once had filled her with the wonder of the season seemed dimmer now.

"Are you okay?" He whispered, brushing his lips along her forehead.

Alex tipped her head up toward him. Her eyes glistened, reflecting the lights on the tree. "I thought I wanted this." Her gaze shifted once more around the beautifully illuminated decorations and festivities. "I thought I needed just one night—a reminder of the Christmas I loved, but—"

A slow smile spread on his lips. "But you miss the twins?"

"Is that crazy?" She chuckled into a sniffle. 

"No, my love. I do as well."

"Am I selfish for thinking I needed a break from them?" Alex looked into the night, shaking her head, trying to hide the tears pooling in her eyes. "I must be a horrible mom for choosing this over them."

"Oh, my Alex." He curled his finger beneath her chin, urging her back to him. His thumb grazed over her cheek, drying her silent cry. "You are the most amazing mother and wife for which the children and I could ever ask. It's okay to need a moment for yourself. You can't carry the world on your shoulders without rest. There is no shame in wanting a night away. I wanted it too."

"Really?"

"Yes. I love Felicity and Vincent with all that I am and all that I have; however, I miss sharing moments solely with you, my first love, my heart."

Alex wrapped her arms around him, letting him hold her for a few minutes longer, her heart lighter, no longer overshadowed with guilt. Rocking up on her toes, she pressed a soft kiss on his cheek while guiding the large red scarf that had adjoined them off his neck. "Thank you for indulging me."

"Every time, my love." He laced his fingers with hers, his thumb running gently over hers. "Let's go home."

Alex smiled, leaning into him. "Let's get our babies. It's time to make some new traditions."

Alex absolutely loves all things Christmas! I imagine her first year as a mom was challenging with her being torn between wanting to spend time with her babies and wanting to do all her normal Christmas things. In the end, she'd learn to make new memories and traditions and I sense she'll love them even more.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed this extremely late Christmas drabble. 💛 💛 💛