#he can like. talk to he can converse decently with demons and evil stuff but more benevolent beings

[waywardsalt]

sitting huddled in my little writers hut trying to piece together what kinds of effects i want bellum’s possession to have on linebeck

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hello, im here for the match up exchange dump we talked about, and the fandoms I would like to request are Avatar the last airbender, Legand of Korra, Demon slayer, Haikyuu, My hero academia, Obey me, Sk8 and Ninjago(Movie or series is fine)

Im panromantic(male lean) who uses any pronouns but mainly She/her/theirs.

Im an Aquarius with an ISTP MBTI(I recently was made to take another one for school and i came up as INTJ so...?)

I have honey(ish) blonde shoulder length hair with hazelly green eyes with dark circles and ivory skin, im '5'5" with a stronger stature and I wear grunge/cottagecore clothing.

Im a decently calm person but can and will have surges of energy that arent entirely like im bouncing off the wall but I would like to be able to stim, I have trust issues and are very quick to judge people and put them in a box when I first meet them untill they change their status, I love being around people i care for but I do like to have my space alone when posible to give me the ability to cool my nerves and regain energy to keep up with people.

I like reading, writing, drawing, music that sits in the genera of grunge, punk, heavy metal, skaw, and recently stuff like will wood. I like vintage and antique stores, I enjoy nature, I also enjoy playing games like resident evil, legend of zelda, pokemon, hogwarts legacy and obey me(tehe) and I love scary movies. I love being around people that I can comfortably be myself around and that (If I and they are comfortable enough) can have deep conversations.

I dislike loud crowds and people, red meats, clingy people, country music, any one thats just in confrontational for no damn reason and being ignored.

I would love to be matched up with someone who can get me out of that shell I make for myself and I can run like a crazy lunatic with and not be judged at all cause the are doing somewhat of the same thing. or even someoen I can also help break out of a shell.

have a good day/night!!!

Hi! Thank you for your request! It's been great doing another matchup exchange with you! I hope you like your matchups!

In Avatar: The Last Airbender, I match you with...

Aang would be both your best friend and your ideal partner! He can match your mood perfectly; when you’re calm, he’s calm, when you’ve got a surge of energy, he’s got a surge of energy.

Appreciates that you enjoy alone time. He personally enjoys being around people but there are certainly times when he also needs some space to recharge.

Doesn’t mind loud noises or crowds, but he’ll help you avoid them as much as possible. But, if you want him to get you out of your shell a bit more, he’s more than happy to help!

Aang would love to take you to a festival when it’s just opening or about to close so there are less people around, but you can still experience the energy.

Modern au Aang would love video games! He’s particularly fond of multi-players but he’d also be happy to play a different game; as long as you’re together.

Has some interesting perspectives that make deep conversations all the more interesting. He loves talking with you and will always listen to what you have to say.

In Legend of Korra, I match you with...

Similarly to Aang, Bolin can match your energy. He doesn’t have quite the same chaotic energy as Aang but he can certainly have surges of energy.

Loves going to antique stores with you! He really likes the aesthetic and loves that things can usually be found there for a cheaper price than buying them first-hand.

Bolin would love taking walks through nature with you. He finds it relaxing and claims it “helps him connect more with his bending element”. While that’s certainly true, he also just enjoys having your undivided company for a few hours.

Can be a bit clingy sometimes but Bolin’s aware that that’s not your thing. He’ll do his best to reign in his tendencies but expect him to ask for at least one hug per day.

Very easy to trust and does his best to keep that trust. Bolin knows that it’s like to feel betrayed by people and he never wants you to feel that way about him.

He’s very open about his feelings and he hopes you can do the same. That way, if there are any problems in your relationship, you can both work towards fixing them.

In Demon Slayer, I match you with...

Rengoku is the extrovert who will drag you out of your shell! You don't have much choice but to go along with his wild adventures.

Not a super clingy person and he can go for a while without physical touch so he doesn't mind that you're not a fan of clingy people.

Horror movie aficionado. His personal favourites are the terrible b-rate ones that never fail to make him laugh.

While Rengoku's not the best at being calm, he can certainly match you surges of energy! He's probably more hyperactive than you are during these times, as he feeds off your energy as well as his own.

I see Rengoku as someone who enjoys country music. He won't listen to it when you're around but he will occasionally give you song recommendations just to tease you.

Doesn't mind that you're not a fan of red meat. He'll eat pretty much anything as long as it tastes good so anything you likes, he's more than happy to try at least once.

In Haikyuu, I match you with...

Kuroo is honestly one of the best people to have deep conversations with (only beaten by someone further down this list).

Can match your surges of energy but loves spending time with you just relaxing together. He’s always so busy with volleyball, he really values anytime he can spend with you doing nothing.

Kuroo would love to take walks in nature with you. He’ll probably talk a lot about the science behind what’s happening around you.

Even though he talks a lot, Kuroo’s also a good listener. He’ll never make you feel like you’re being ignored.

Enjoys playing video games with you. He plays a lot with Kenma so he’s decently good at playing but more often than not, he’d also enjoy just sitting next to you and watching you play.

Kuroo's also very good at getting introverts out of their shell (he's had plenty of experience with Kenma). He's got comforting extrovert vibes.

In My Hero Academia, I match you with...

Kirishima is one of the best people to help you get out of your shell. Like Kuroo, he has comforting extrovert vibes, but he also has more chaotic energy.

Loves your taste in music! He thinks it’s really cool and would love to make a playlist with you that he can listen to while working out.

A video game mega fan! He’s probably played a lot of games so if you ever get truly stuck trying to get past a level or a boss, he’s more than happy to have a go.

Kirishima enjoys watching horror movies with you but will need to sleep with the lights on that night. He’s not great at handling horror but he tries for you.

Kirishima’s another one who’s really easy to trust and does his best to keep your trust.

Does his best to be quieter when he’s around you and will try to keep his friends quieter as well. But he’s only one person and 1A is notoriously loud.

In Obey Me, I match you with...

Asmo is the best person to have deep conversations with on this list. While he may not seem like it at first, leaning more towards gossip, he’s really good at knowing anything that’s bothering you or that you want to talk about.

Loves vintage shopping! He thinks the clothes and furniture have a really cool style. Even though he’s not usually one to wear things that aren’t in style, he’s certainly a trendsetter.

It might take a while before you can trust him completely, but he also has trust issues so as soon as you both realize you trust the other person and they trust you, your relationship is made even more stable.

Definitely one of the more clingy people on the list, but also a king of consent and awareness of emotions. If he knows you're not in the mood for too many hugs, he'll dial back his affection.

Hates confrontational people! Asmo has made it his life mission to only be confrontational when someone insults him or you.

Asmo would love to read some of your writing. I see him as being pretty good at writing love letters and poems so expect to see a few turn up in your room every few days.

In Sk8 the Infinity, I match you with...

Reki would love drawing with you! He’s never really had people interested in his drawings before so when you share that hobby with him, it means more than you can imagine.

Will absolutely make a board for you and decorate the bottom with drawings based on your interests. Whether you ever ride it or not, he’d love it if you keep it somewhere you can see it.

While it takes him a while to get used to being open, Reki’s really good at having deep and meaningful conversations with you. It helps him get a lot of feelings off his chest.

Reki will always make sure you feel heard and valued. He knows the feeling of being ignored or left behind all too well and never wants you to feel that way, especially if he’s the cause.

Enjoys playing video games with you. I see him as an avid fan of Pokemon, especially Pokemon Go (skating around town gets his steps up really fast).

A fan of socializing and having alone time so he’s always able to keep a good balance of interaction with you. He’s very attentive and notices when you’re starting to get tired so you’ll very rarely have to ask for personal space.

In Ninjago, I match you with...

Another one who loves your taste in music. Cole is definitely a fan of grunge, punk, and metal (especially movie Cole). He also likes rock music (mostly for the puns he can make).

He’s also a fan of video games. He plays them a lot with Jay and Kai so he’s used to very competitive games. Playing more relaxing games with you is a nice change of pace.

Horror movie date nights! Cole’s seen a good number of horror movies and has enjoyed most of them. He does get a bit quiet when there are ghosts in them but whether that’s because he’s having bad memories or he’s criticizing their inaccuracies, you’re not sure.

I think Cole would love to spend quiet afternoons laying on the couch with you reading to him. He likes your voice and isn’t picky about what you read, as long as he can just let his mind wander.

While he’s not a particularly chaotic person energy wise, he’s pretty used to the people around him bouncing off the walls on occasion.

He can match your energy if needed, but more often than not, he’d like to just watch you to make sure you don’t accidentally hurt yourself.

[asterekmess]

Heyo! So I’ve been in the sterek fandom for quite some time now and I’ve been wondering about how you would describe stiles’ personality?

I’ve never actually sat down and watched a full episode of teen wolf (and honestly I’m not sure if I ever will considering everything I’ve heard about how they treat derek and his history but idk who knows I’m very curious in a lot of the plot lines and character development), and a lot of the stuff I know about the show I’ve scraped from fics, gifs, and meta posts

For me personally, Stiles’ personality and characterization is so fluid and nuanced that sometimes I have trouble pinning him down (tho derek doesn’t have trouble with that *wink wink*) So I would love to hear your thoughts! Sorry for the long ask, this grew legs and an ugly mug shdhdhhdjdcj anyhow have a great day :D

Well, everybody's got different perspectives and opinions on Stiles' personality, honestly. Even when you try to stick to 'canon' things, there's a lot of room for interpretation on the why when he does things, or what it says about him as a person, etc etc etc.

Personally, I see canon Stiles as kind of an asshole. I mean, I love him, and he does some incredible things, and he's clearly got an intense love for those close to him. But I do make him kinder in fics, or I at least make him regret being a dick.

In canon, we're given a Stiles who cracks 'dead baby' jokes (he's talking about human sacrifice, so the conversation was already plenty morbid. This wasn't out of the blue.) Who begs for Scott to let Jackson die (though it's made clear that this wasn't serious, and he later works to save Jackson's hide like ten times over), and who will mercilessly poke and prod at people's insecurities or painful pasts, especially when worked up. Isaac's previous abuse isn't a no-go topic. Derek having 'dated' (read: been assaulted at worst and at best, been lied to) serial killers isn't something he's going to tread lightly around. He doesn't try to soften things to save someone's feelings most of the time.

He's presented as someone who is incredibly impulsive, with his emotions, words, and actions. It's kind of implied this is because of his ADHD, but that doesn't explain how often the impulsively cruel or harsh things he says aren't retracted or apologized for, or just generally regretted. Yes, ADHD people are impulsive, and yes sometimes our mouths get away from us and we can end up saying some Fucked Up shit to people because we literally couldn't control the words coming out. But that doesn't mean we're cruel or evil or mean. We still feel bad for doing those things, and those of us who are decent people, try to fix or repair what we've messed up. I am...not a fan of how often ADHD is used as an excuse to make a character a dickhead because "he has no filter." No filter means we struggle to control our thoughts and what we say, it doesn't make us heartless.

So, when I'm writing him, I fix it. Even if he still Does something fucked up, I have him care that he did it. I have him realize what he did or said wasn't okay and respond to that knowledge in some way. Which to some people, means I'm just ignoring what a fucker he is, but imo it feels like a horrible fuckup on the creator's parts, so I'm just correcting the mistake. He's no less Stiles just bc I taught him to say sorry.

Anyway. I'm trying NOT to ramble here.

To answer your question, as best I can; Stiles is sarcastic. Stiles is passionate to a fault. His emotions are BIG, whatever they are. Good, Bad, or even apathy. Whatever feelings he has are just intense. He is very much a no gods, no kings, no masters, kind of man. There isn't really an 'authority' to him, except maybe his dad sometimes. He puts family, and those he considers family, First. But that doesn't mean he isn't selfless. Because he is. Incredibly so. Uncomfortably so.

He walks into gasoline for his friends. He puts himself in the position of losing the only parent he has left, for his classmates. He cares enough about strangers to insist a drunk girl he's spoken to for five minutes max stay hydrated and give her a bottle of water. He literally handed over his mind on a platter to a fox demon for someone he barely fucking knew, to keep her safe.

Loyal. Humorous. A fighter. Family-oriented. Clever. Passionate. Strong, physically, mentally, and emotionally. And a very good liar, in my opinion.

He doesn't lie very well in the show, not to people's faces. He'll stumble around a "I haven't seen him since the last time I saw him" or "are you asking me to tell you what I would have told you if I were going to tell you it?" but at the same time, he can repress and hide away his feelings and his pain in a way not even Derek manages.

He asked Caitlin questions about her girlfriend, and worked to solve the human sacrifices, literal minutes after finding out he'd just lost his oldest friend. He drove Lydia to the warehouse to save Jackson after having the shit beat out of him by a man who'd been learning to cause pain since he was a CHILD. And he never gives away how incredibly broken he is for more than a couple seconds. and it's a little frightening, because he convinces people in this show who are lie detectors that he's okay, when he's a fucking mess. Even Derek shows his pain.

You're right that he's nuanced, and part of that is because when you see him in meta or in fic, what you're seeing is a dozen versions of him sort of compressed into a flat image. Because he changes throughout the show, and while some of his core personality stays the same, a lot of stuff changes. So one fic might harp on his insensitivity, and callousness toward Isaac or how easily he says "just let them die" when talking about Derek or someone else. And then another will dive into how fucking far he's willing to go, travelling all the way to mexico and facing down a hunter clan a dozen times more powerful than the argents with no one but a banshee at his side, just to get Derek back. Or how he saw Malia hurting and sat with her on a couch and held her hand. One is a much earlier version of Stiles, from the start of the show, the other from his midpoint. Near the end, you're able to say that he was so torn about leaving Derek while he was dying, he had to be Begged to go save Scott. That he manipulated an ENTIRE FBI investigation in order to save and protect Derek. (im focusing on derek bc sterek, but also bc his relationship with Derek is the Biggest Arc he has in the show, and the most solid)

You're going to read about different versions of him, and I totally get how that's confusing.

We all sort of bleed ourselves into him and either bring certain canon characteristics to the forefront, or straight up add our own so he's more relatable to us.

So while I can't really help you pin down any specific Stiles, just know that there's not really a 'true' Stiles that anyone can confirm or deny. It's all just perception, so however you see him, go with it. Strengthen it. Explore it. I'm sure you'll find people who see what you do.

[ashesandhalefire]

would love to hear your complicated feelings on the michael/sanders scene in context!

okay so this is messy because my thoughts are still a little all over the place, but the issues i had were specifically with the new power reveal, and they were basically 1) the way they've handled the pod squad gaining new abilities, and 2) the decision to give michael in particular this ability and backstory

i wish the reasoning was more nuanced and meaningful but a lot of it is just "i don't vibe with this" and "i think it's dumb" lmao

so i'm starting to get less and less impressed with how they're rolling out this "aliens can have more than one skill" idea. sometimes the concept comes across as Very Sexy but the execution less so. i wanted to actually see them learning these new skills. i wanted to see them tutoring each other and practicing and doing stuff wrong and getting frustrated and feeling weird trying to learn powers that are different from the ones that have been a part of them for their whole lives. but isobel's telekinesis was really the only new skill that got any screen time, and i think michael was only sort of grudgingly there for one scene of it. healing hasn't been mentioned (to my recollection?), and mindscape practice has been mostly off-screen and it seemed more about deflection in case they were pulled into jones's mindscape and less about learning to influence people. and now it's starting to feel like we're just sort of rolling out new full-fledged abilities left and right. like, there are really only three or so, but it feels like oprah is behind the scenes going YOU GET A POWER AND YOU GET A POWER and doesn't feel as organic as i'd like it to feel. and at least reading auras and telepathy have mindscape vibes and feel like natural extensions of that power. but why is firebending now a whole new subset of powers? what are the limits of these alien abilities? how many more undiscovered powers are there? and that's not even mentioning the proficiency with swords. that feels like a decently unique kind of weapon to fight with, but it doesn't require any practice. we just dig that sucker up and the spirit of mom says "fuck 'em up, girlie." who cares if jones has been fighting with it for decades (centuries? i'm unclear on the length of this guy's life lol). he's not good enough to beat a really motivated novice. anyway! now we're saying that michael has secretly been able to jump into heads and control people for ten years but he doesn't use the power because he's terrified that it makes him evil and his siblings will be disgusted with him. and despite the fact that he hasn't practiced this power in ten years, a large part of the "beat the bad guy" plan hinges on his being able to overpower jones's control of the sheriff, meaning that the incident at eighteen isn't being looked at as a fluke when a new power manifests. we're just assuming michael has this fully developed mind control ability lying dormant in his brain. we lay out that michael did this thing, redefined his whole life by this new trauma, and, after a quick pep talk with his pseudo-dad, has processed his fears of his inherent evil enough to confess to his siblings and subject himself to using the power. all in like six minutes of screen time. and his siblings are entirely unaffected by this. they're not like... what??? you lied about a secret power for years??? they're just like [PSA voice, mentor putting a hand on mentee's shoulder] you could never be bad, michael. we love you. and then he DOESN'T EVEN DO IT. he just hops into the mindscape like anyone else could've done and says "pls don't shoot my friends :(" and the sheriff says okay and stops "letting" jones control her. why was this a good way to roll out this new power??? so the whole point of the reveal that michael has this mind control power apparently didn't even have anything to do with the sheriff subplot because he didn't actually use this power to resolve that problem. for now - until it comes back again, which based on some of the other subplots this season is not a guarantee - it was just to heap more trauma on his shoulders and legitimize this "woe is me, i'm a horrible monster!!" yarn they keep trying to spin without actually showing him do anything Truly Bad or Mildly Morally Gray. the sanders conversation is a rehashing of the alex convo from earlier where someone has to insist to michael that his genetics don't make him inherently evil. and the alex one was more effective for me because it was in the immediate aftermath of this massive revelation about who his father was AND michael

thought he was about to get murdered. he was spinning out. but having it happen again like eight episodes later - after michael still hasn't actually done anything to lend some legitimacy to his fears that his bloodline is Unavoidably Evil - doesn't have the same emotional impact. the worst things michael has ever done with his powers were shown back in the first half of s1, and he's be almost entirely reformed since then. so to set up whatever michael/jones showdown must be coming our way, we get the introduction of this ability that michael has never even so much as hinted at having before, and we get the reveal that it has colored how he looks at himself since he was eighteen. what. michael saying that his religious extremist family tried to perform an exorcism on him and couldn't and dallas inferring that he started to believe he was the demon was a good exchange. we already knew about that incident, but michael played it off as no big deal during 1x06. the new conversation helps him to relate to dallas, finds them some common ground, establishes trust, and makes the true emotional depth of what happened to michael explicit. having michael redefine all of his emotional struggles for the last ten years through the lens of "actually i found out that i have the same ability as the alien that possessed my sister and made her kill three girls in front of me, and it has made me view myself as fundamentally evil since that day" is such a bad rewrite of his history. was the history of horribly abusive foster homes insufficient in explaining michael's self-worth issues? was being the victim of a hate crime not enough trauma? was the witnessing and covering up of two separate murders that derailed his entire academic future not enough to make michael question his own goodness or value? why would it be necessary to add this mind control element to really make him feel bad about stuff?

and if ANYONE was going to get a story that dealt with struggles with consent and mental control, why was it not isobel?? why was it not that holding the turquoise enhanced her abilities and enabled her to control people, and she was TERRIFIED of that because of noah?? her consent was violated horribly, and she has struggled horribly with respecting the consent of others. this needed to be her ability to develop and deal with! giving it to michael fully developed also feels like a very handwavey, last minute choice. if this was planned from the beginning, why is this the first that the audience has heard about it? he says he never mentioned it because of isobel, which explains why isobel and max don't know about it. but why doesn't the audience know about it? in s1, michael is adamant that liz leave town. if isobel couldn't get her to go, why didn't michael sneak off and make her leave? why didn't he force her to forget (if that's within the purview of the power)? sure, he doesn't like having this power. but he's also more than willing to sacrifice himself for his siblings. wouldn't a little unethical behavior be worth saving them from experimentation? also if michael has been able to force people to do things all along, where was that energy when alex got kidnapped? why is torturing flint in a basement less inherently evil than just compelling him to tell the truth or compelling helena to let alex and charlie go? i know not everything can be planned from the beginning. but there was no reason this power had to be written like this. it didn't have to be something michael knew he had. but they chose to insert it into his history, and i feel like that was a bad call. - positives about the scene dad!sanders supremacy michael needs a dad figure who's like "you're a good person, you dumbass" and straight up LAUGHS at his assertion that he's evil.

[finleycannotdraw]

Guess what? I’m re-binge-reading Good Omens. And here are some Obervations that I forgot about and some things I might put in fics. Also things I found funny. Basically my dumb commentary on the book.

Crowley actually flees Sister Mary. He doesn’t saunter vaguely away. He flees.

Ligur is rather more thoughtful than he’s portrayed in the show

Anathema likes to read about herself, and her teachers are confused because she spells words like Agnes Nutter

Crowley apologizes

By page 41, it is mentioned at least twice that Aziraphale and Crowley Do Not choose each other’s company for any reason other than that they are constants, that they have an Arrangement, and that they are Friends because being Enemies got boring.

Aziraphale blushes!!!!!!

The Drunk Scene is fuckin hilarious and it’s actually a lot longer than it is in the show, and really you ought to read it. (Book pages 47-50)

My mom (who has a PhD in human development) would probably like to talk to Crowley about upbringing because they seem to agree on how important it is

War has always looked 25, and had a vulture that died of fatty degeneration

Pollution is very cleverly compared to actual pollution

Warlock has Kermit the frog overalls, and Nanny Ashtoreth is described as someone who “advertises unspecified but strangely explicit services in certain magazines”. The tutors are present for about four paragraphs. Warlock is good at math and likes banana flavored bubblegum.

Crowley has a slice of angel cake. Aziraphale eats it. Aziraphale also eats deviled eggs. Hm.

Crowley calls Aziraphale angel casually enough to suggest he’s been doing it for a long time

Some girl at Warlock’s party calls Aziraphale a f*ggot

Crowley glares suspiciously at a gerbil. It is suggested that Hell has, in the past, sent hell-gerbils in place of hellhounds.

“Oh dear,” muttered Aziraphale, not swearing with the practiced ease of one who has spent six thousand years not swearing, and who wasn’t going to start now.

Adam and his friends play in a place called The Pit, where shopping carts go to die, apparently

Crowley is the first one to mention sides in the book!??!? Also Crowley goes on about how humans are more evil than Hell (but he calls himself evil—is he calling himself human already?)

Aziraphale yells “get off the road, you clown!”

“What’s a velvet underground?” *love confession???* “you wouldn’t like it”

Aziraphale is a bit rude to Crowley in the “flashes of love” scene and Crowley is less panicked about it

Crowley glares at the Bentley and it fixes itself

Anathema’s bike is called Phaeton

COULD THEY ACT ANY MORE MARRIED OH MY GOD

Aziraphale speaks like. Like ugh. “FlOUndeR on tHe rOcKS of inEquiTY”

“Thirty seconds later someone shot both of them. With incredible accuracy.” *cuts to a random pleasant story about Mary Hodges* *cuts back to where Aziraphale has fallen into a rhododendron and Crowley licks the paint before he knows it’s paint* dumbasses

Crowley does not slam Aziraphale into the wall

Crowley is actually pretty impatient and doesn’t argue with Aziraphale when he’s worried

“Nothing but dust and fundamentalists” “that was nasty” “sorry, couldn’t help it”

When the radio sings “Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me,” Crowley sings “for me” and then screams

Crowley asks Aziraphale if he’ll keep in touch, and Aziraphale doesn’t say tickety-boo, and then Crowley says “right” and feels very alone

the international express man is small and has glasses, and wears green woolen socks

The sword, which turns out to be Aziraphale’s, is described as having an aura of hatred and menace, which makes me think of how it could’ve gotten that aura from Heaven or from humanity or from War...

In the book Pepper has red hair and freckles, which makes it a cool comparison to War’s appearance and the defeat of War

Adam is excellent at slouching, apparently

Occasionally, as Aziraphale reads the book, he would very nearly swear

“He wouldn’t have said ‘that’s weird’ if a flock of sheep had cycled past playing violins.”

“If you had told him there were children starving in Africa he would’ve been flattered that you’d noticed.”

“...that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.” (151)

Wensleydale watches David Attenborough programs

Shadwell’s voice is described as “the color of an old raincoat” and seems to fake smoking cigarettes

Aziraphales cocoa is moldy and solidified by the time he calls Arthur Young, and has a thin layer of dust on himself too

Newt says that the walls look like nicotine and the floor looks like cigarette ash, and he suspects both are, actually, coated with these substances

Newt looks a bit like Clark Kent, and people seem to like Shadwell for some reason, much to his annoyance.

Aziraphale calls Shadwell “dear boy” on the phone

Agnes Nutter called God a daft old fool #goals

Adam is wayyyy too good at video games

Smelling Anathema’s perfume makes Newt uncomfortable

Adam suggests that Pepper ought to have Russia cause of her red hair (huh)

Anathema and Newt actually have decent conversations?? Like?? Show??? C’mon, man. The show kinda butchered their relationship.

Trees, apparently, make a ‘vvrooooommm’ sound when they grow very fast

“He suspected that Crowley was from the Mafia, or the underworld, although he would have been surprised how right he nearly was.” Shadwell also thought Aziraphale was a Russian spy. Wow, Shadwell.

Aziraphale calls Crowley and actually says “shut up” to him, and then when the answering machine beeps, he tells Crowley to “stop making noises” and then he swears for the first time ever.

The fuckin’ footnote on page 227

“A sleek computer was the sort of thing Crowley felt that the sort of human he tried to be would have.” I like the word choice here. He’s not pretending to be a human, he’s trying to be one. That’s a really important distinction.

It never actually says what Crowley does to his plants.

Crowley’s flat is very white. Wow, Crowley. It just looks dark because of the lighting. Heaven imagery and symbolism out my ears, goddammit.

Why does Hell say Crowley’s name so much when talking to him?? Honestly, I think that’s an intentional dig at his chosen name, using it in their speech to scare him. Wow, Hell. (And wow, Finn, excellent sentence)

Whenever the book says something is shaped like something, it definitely isn’t that thing. “man-shaped” “dog-shaped” “car-shaped”... makes it pretty obvious they aren’t men, dogs, or cars, huh.

The code to Crowley’s safe is 4004. The year he “slithered onto this stupid, marvelous planet”... and the year he met Aziraphale, of course. Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt, Crowley, my dude.

Crowley consideres sticking Hastur into his car until he turns into Freddie Mercury but then decides even he isn’t that cruel

Actual text that I feel like nobody really agrees with: “Madame Tracy was by many yardsticks quite stupid”

“Do I look like I run a bookshop?” “...imagine me out of uniform, sir, and what kind of man would you see before you? Honestly?” “A prat.”

I’m crying. The fucking bookshop fire scene made me fucking cry. I’m literally crying.

“...on all fours in the blazing bookshop, Crowley cursed Aziraphale, and the ineffable plan, and Above, and Below.” “The police and firemen looked at him, saw the expression on his face, and stayed exactly where they were.” “...a crack of thunder so loud it hurt....” *the sound of Finley sobbing into their cat*

The shortest biker in the cafe thing is 6′2, what the fuck

War, Famine, Pollution, and Pop Trivia 1962-1979

“Pollution removed his helmet and shook out his long white hair. He had taken over when Pestilence, muttering about penicillin, had retired in 1936. If only the old boy had known what opportunities the future had held.” HMMMMMMMMMMM

“There were no bitches in Hell either.” I know it’s talking about female dogs, but I rather thought Hell was full of bitches.

“Why are you talking like a poofter?” “Ah. Australia.”

“gOsh, aM i on teLEviSiON?” (Basically Aziraphale gets passionate about stuff and likes to talk).

Crowley is actually an optimist and doesn’t dwell too much on how sucky the world is. He doesn’t go get smashed in a bar. He just finds Aziraphale’s notes in the book and heads to Tadfield. And also, his new pair of sunglasses just... materializes out of his eyes. And he likes to whistle.

“Death and Famine and War and Pollution continued biking to Tadfield. And Grievous Bodily Harm, Cruelty to Animals, Things Not Working Properly Even After You’ve Given Them A Good Thumping But Secretly No Alcohol Lager, and Really Cool People traveled with them.”

“on top of the pile a rather large octopus waved a languid tentacle at them. The sergeant resisted the temptation to wave back.” Honestly dude, if an octopus waved at me I’d wave back.

Wait Agnes was apparently talking to Shadwell and not God when she said yowe daft old foole. I dunno

Madame Tracy: You old silly. Shadwell: 

Aziraphale does not know how to get rid of demons. Canonically. “Had never done other to get rid of demons than to hint to them very strongly that he, Aziraphale, had some work to be getting on with, and wasn’t it getting late? And Crowley always got the hint.”

The road to Hell is paved with frozen door to door salesmen, apparently. The question is where it is, because the demons always seem to just stem out of the ground.

“Heigh ho,” said Anthony Crowley, and just drove anyway. I love this sentence during that scene. 

I bet Hastur gets really mad whenever he hears Aziraphale’s voice from now on

Crowley isn’t breathing the entire burning Bentley scene

ADAM. SAID. “But I reckon you can make your own side” AND WE FUCKIN IGNORED IT?

The temperature above the M25 was simultaneously 700ºC and -140ºC which makes me think of something I read about magenta not being real. The M25 is magenta.

I feel like “Agnes” is just going to become an inside joke between Anathema and Newt at this point, and it will drive Crowley insane because he knows who she is but somehow still doesn’t get the joke.

I’m six inches taller than R.P. Tyler, and apparently according to the back sleeve of the book jacket, I’m very similar in height to Neil Gaiman

R.P. Tyler thought Shadwell was a ventriloquist’s dummy, and then sees cows doing somersaults

“That’s terrific. Much obliged,” said Crowley. — “Funny weather we’re having, isn’t it?” “Is it? I hadn’t noticed.” “Probably because your car is on fire.” .... Also the fact that Crowley looks like a young man which I find interesting.

“The Four Button-Pressers of the Apocalypse”

“Where is Armageddon, anyway?” “I’ve always meant to look that up.” “There’s an Armageddon, Pennsylvania”

Famine is the one that says “that’s one big avocado”, and also, I find it interesting that War, more than once, talks about love. (All is fair in love and war much?)

Anathema threatens the guard with a stick, pretending it’s a gun

Aziraphale, of course, asks Crowley to sort it out because he, Aziraphale, is “the nice one” and then proceeds to sort it out himself. Because of course he does. Because what else could he possibly do.

I just ADORE THIS BOOK OKAY

I’M PROBABLY GOING TO READ IT AGAIN IN A MONTH

Aziraphale and Crowley are so fuckin married I can’t

[trensu]

Episode 22: The One with ANOTHER Other Moonlit Rooftop Scene

WE’RE ON A ROOF, GREAT START! 

THERE’S MOONLIGHT, GREAT START!

BC WE ALL KNOW THAT THE BEST THINGS HAPPEN ON MOONLIT ROOFTOPS (except for that one time that we’re not gonna talk about rn bc it’ll give me the Sads)

OUR BOYS ARE SITTING TOGETHER ON A ROOF IN QINGHE

TOGETHER!! ON A ROOF!! IN THE MOONLIGHT!!!

WE LOVE ROOFS AND MOONLIGHT IN THIS FANDOM

Wwx: does this seem familiar to you? Weren’t we chilling on a roof like this together back in the cloud recesses during Ancient Fantasy China summer school?

And lwj is like, no, we were fighting with swords and stuff

Wwx: right, right, you caught me breaking curfew!

HE LAUGHS, REMINISCING. HE LAUGHS!!

Wwx: too bad there’s no emperor’s smile

Get help wwx, problems are not solved with copious amounts of wine

Oh god, and he just slouches back on the roof, leaning on his elbows and SPREADING HIS LEGS LIKE A SCARLET WOMAN

WWX WHAT ARE YOU DOING

MAKING YOURSELF LOOK ALL ENTICING LIKE THAT

And lwj has an iron will apparently bc he’s still sitting upright in a meditation pose

Oooh, now they’re going to have a Serious conversation

Lwj: things change. How could it be the same as before?

And wwx gives him this sad little smile

Wwx: lan zhan, thank you

Lwj: for what?

Wwx: thank you for not telling shijie

And then HE SMILES AT LWJ

SINCERELY. THAT’S A SINCERE SMILE ON HIS FACE

Like, okay, it’s not as big and bright as his usual sunshine smile BUT IT’S STILL THE HAPPIEST SMILE HE’S DIRECTED AT LWJ SINCE THE BURIAL MOUNDS

Ofc lwj goes and ruins the mood (why does he keep doing this)

Lwj: these tricks harm your body and mind as well

Wwx: i know, but i’m not using wicked tricks, i learned CRAFTY tricks

Lwj: crafty tricks?

Lwj’s tone changes here! It has a hopeful edge to it rather than the solemn note it carried before. THINGS ARE LOOKING UP, GUYS

Wwx: that’s what i learned in that sunless dingy place for three months

ah, guess i spoke too soon...wwx gets this faraway look on his face like he’s back in that awful place anD IT MAKES ME SO SAD

Wwx: anyway, i have to thank you for Lan clan’s Temperament Technique bc my crafty tricks require

HE USED LAN CLAN TEACHINGS TO DEVELOP HIS NEW CULTIVATION

LAN CLAN!!

LAN!!!!

EVEN AT HIS LOWEST, HE STILL CLUNG TO LAN WANGJI. LAN WANGJI STILL WAS ABLE TO HELP HIM EVEN THO HE WASN’T THERE

AHHHHHHHHH

And lwj is just watching him here, yearningly like always

Wwx: with my bamboo flute, everything can be controlled~! *twirls the demon flute*

But lwj is not gonna be distracted by his fancy flute twirling here

Lwj: do crafty tricks rely on the spirit?

Wwx nods in response

~Their Song~ starts playing in the background (the flute version of it, even!!)

Lwj: mastering it by mind is like taking a grain of rice from a fire. If not done carefully you risk falling into demonic cultivation. The consequences will be unimaginable

Okay, 1) pretty sure that’s the longest string of sentences lwj has made in the entire show so far, so kudos to you lwj. You used your words!! I’m so proud!!

And 2) THE CONSEQUENCES WILL BE UNIMAGINABLE?? LWJ DOES NOT WANT TO IMAGINE THOSE CONSEQUENCES FOR WEI YING. HE DOESN’T WANT TO THINK OF HIM SUFFERING THAT WAY. BC HE LOVES HIM

Wwx: i know. Lan zhan, i understand your concern.

OUR BOYS OUR COMMUNICATING. 

LOOK AT THEM!! 

COMMUNICATING ALL OVER EACH OTHER!!!! 

THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER

And here wwx does HIS LITTLE SCOUT’S HONOR THING AND HIS VOICE PICKS UP A CHIPPER TONE AND IT’S SO CUTE AND SO REMINISCENT OF BEFORE

Wwx: i, wei ying, promise you that i will never degenerate into demonic cultivation

STOP MAKING PROMISES YOU WON’T KEEP WWX

Wwx: do you believe me?

Lwj nods

AND OH, THE SMILE WWX HAS IN RESPONSE

IT’S ALMOST LIKE BEFORE

ALL OF THIS IS ALMOST LIKE BEFORE

Now wwx does a little floaty jump thing off of the roof (it doesn’t look ridiculous for once!! It actually looks pretty neat here!!) and starts to walk away

Lwj elegantly stands up (still on the roof!!) and says “Let me help you.”

Wwx freezes in his steps for a moment, not quite turning back, and says “okay.”

He says that AND HE SMILES AGAIN

Lwj is left standing alone on the roof

ALL THIS AND WE’RE ONLY 5MIN INTO THE EPISODE

MY HEART, MY HEART

GOD I MISSED MY WANGXIANTICS.

IT’S BEEN SO LONG, MY LOVE, I’VE MISSED YOU SO!!

Oh, and now it’s daytime

Plot Things are happening

Nmj is giving a rousing speech to the troops, very imposing, very stern, very soldier-y

AND TOTALLY DOES NOT MATTER SO WE’RE MOVING ON

Everyone’s leaving Qinghe for plot reasons. Jc and jzx go ahead on their swords but lwj and wwx are traveling by horse

They’re on horses!! Idk why that makes me happy but it does!! I don’t even like horses that much??? 

Wwx is twirling his flute!!

Lwj: why didn’t you go ahead with them?

Wwx: i don’t want to join in the fun with jc and that colorful peacock

Lwj: aren’t you the one who prefers to join in the fun?

GUYS, GUYS LWJ SAYS THIS WITH A TEASING TONE (well, teasing for him; it’s a very subtle change BUT IT’S THERE, I SWEAR!!)

HE’S TRYING TO BE PLAYFUL WITH WWX!! IT’S SO CUTE!!

OMG, OMG we get a brief moment of Jealous!LWJ. Courtesy of NHS, of course.

Nhs is at the top of a tower in qinghe waving goodbye, right? (he’s adorable, i love him)

BUT HE CALLS SPECIFICALLY TO WWX

Nhs: wwx, wwx, take care!

and lwj lets his eyes drift a little towards the voice but HE DOESN’T EVEN DEIGN TO LOOK AT NHS DIRECTLY before his eyes flicker to face forward

it’s such a disdainful little movement; IT HAPPENS SO FAST

BUT THE JEALOUSY IS SO POTENT HERE, OMG OMG

chill out lwj, nhs is just a friend!!

Ugh, evil wen lair time

WE DON’T CARE ABOUT THE PLOT DEVICE OR WEN RUOHAN

Oh, now we’re in the middle of a battlefield but no lwj or wwx in sight, how boring

Battle battle battle

Fight fight fighting

Ooooh demon transformation. That was interesting for like, two seconds

Gotta say, the makeup/costuming they use for those demon things actually looks pretty decent, all things considered

Actually, most of their group fight scenes are pretty good

UGH MORE EVIL WEN LAIR TIME?? Plot plot Meng Yao is revealed to be a wen flunkie suddenly plot plot 

Back with the good guys now! At soldier camp!! (or whatever those are called, listen, i’m not a war general, terms escape me)

Plot plot nmj, jzx, jc are inspecting puppets blah blah don’t care don’t care

OH WAIT, LWJ AND WWX SHOWED UP

THEY LOOK VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THE PUPPETS. I SUDDENLY CARE ABOUT THE PUPPETS

Nvm, we’re back at a boring strategy meeting blegh

Blah blah invinceable puppets blah blah kill wen ruohan blah blah

Nmj: I WILL SNEAK INTO NIGHTLESS CITY AND KILL WEN RUOHAN

I’m sorry nmj but you don’t have a sneaky bone in your entire body

That is a terrible plan. Jzx agrees with me.

Nmj: if i die, lxc can just take charge nbd

Suddenly lxc shows up with a Sneaky Map

Everybody’s excited about the Sneaky Map

I AM NOT

I AM NOT EXCITED ABOUT THE SNEAKY MAP

THIS IS BORING

LET’S MOVE ON NOW PLZ

Ah, we’re back with wwx and lwj who are inspecting the Suddenly Interesting Puppets

They’re being all clever together!! I love it

OH NO, SOME RANDO JUST INTERRUPTED SAYING JYL NEEDS HELP

WWX TAKES OFF IN A FLASH, OBVS

We’re at jzx’s tent!! WHERE JZX MADE HER CRY

I DEMAND BLOOD IN RECOMPENSE

Wwx: what happened? Don’t cry!

Wwx: was there someone who bullied you??

Omg his words are like, dripping with venom as he says this and turns to glare at jzx

POOR JYL IS SOBBING, OUTRIGHT SOBBING

Jyl: i’m fine! Let’s go, come on, come on

SHE SAYS THIS THROUGH HER TEARS. SHE’S HEARTBROKEN

I DEMAND BLOODSHED

Mianmian shows up to explain the situation

Details don’t matter

What matters is that we see Lwj about to join them in the tent

Like, he’s one step in and everything

But once mianmian starts talking, he steps back out? And just loiters in front of their tent thing?

HE DOESN’T WANT TO INTRUDE ON A FAMILY MATTER

BC LAST TIME HE DID, WWX SNAPPED AT HIM AND PUSHED HIM AWAY

AND THAT SHIT HURTED

WE DON’T WANT THAT AGAIN

We find out that jzx was a total utter DOUCHEBAG to jyl and HUMILIATED her in public BECAUSE HE’S A DICK AND DOESN’T DESERVE HER

YOU’RE LUCKY I’M NOT THERE RN JZX BC I’M READY TO MURDER

Oh look, wwx is ready to murder too

he punches jzx right in the chest AND SENDS HIM FLYING, HELL YEAH

then uses his demon flute TO SMACK DOWN THE JIN DISCIPLES with resentful energy

then goes and DECKS JZX RIGHT IN THE FACE

YESSS!!!!!!

HIT HIM HARDER WWX

But nooo, mianmian and jyl have to be decent people and try to hold wwx back

Lwj hears them cry out and rushes into the room!!

He grabs wwx’s arm, which was already poised for another punch

Lwj: wei ying, calm down

DON’T TELL HIM TO CALM DOWN LWJ

JZX DESERVES WHAT’S COMING TO HIM

DON’T YOU SEE YOUR SISTER IN LAW CRYING???

But it seems that lwj’s words cut through wwx’s rage (even tho he didn’t raise his voice at all!!) bc wwx lets his arm be lowered by lwj’s grip

He looks at lwj’s concerned face and turns to walk out of the tent

We cut to some Sect Leader Time featuring NMJ and LXC

Nmj: soooo, how’d you get the Sneaky Map

Lxc: ...I know a guy

Then they go on for awhile and i get the impression that they’re trying to Flirt but are doing it Badly

HA, losers! (they say, even tho their OTP consistently fails to communicate their Emotions well)

We’re on a battlefield again!

Kinda sucks how our guys get possessed and turned against us.

What a bummer

MORE BORING PLOT STUFF

Blah blah, nmj disappeared, blah blah our guys are forced into a trap blah blah

Oh wait, there’s a bit here

Wwx asks lxc who gave him the Sneaky Map and lxc is all “a good friend” and wwx is like oh okay and walks off

As he walks away, lwj turns to ~gaze longingly~ at him

It was kinda weird, bc contextually it doesn’t make sense for there to be a longing gaze here

BUT WHO CARES!

SINCE WHEN DO WE NEED A REASON FOR GAY YEARNING??

IT JUST IS, MY FRIENDS, AND WE LOVE IT

More evil wen lair time (at some point we watch nmj be a badass at this lair, but we’re not here for him. Sorry nmj, still love ya tho!)

MoVInG alONg

Battlefield has moved to the Nightless City

For real for real, these group battle scenes are pretty cool. I like them.

AHHHH!! AHHHHHHH!!! WWX NEARLY GETS A SWORD TO THE THROAT

BUT LWJ NOTICES IT AND IS BLOCKING THE HIT IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE

THE WAY IT’S FRAMED MAKES IT LOOK EVEN MORE AWESOME!!

Bc he just swooshes into the frame from the right, all fluid movement and elegance

BLOCKS THE HIT LIKE NOTHING

And ends up on the opposite side of the frame, not even looking at the baddie he just blocked; he’s all straight-backed and regal

I am Shocked wwx didn’t swoon right there and then

WWX AND LWJ ARE NOW BACK TO BACK

FIGHTING TOGETHER

I AM IN LOVE

Ugh, we’re back at the evil wen lair

Gross

Can we not? Nobody cares.

BACK ON THE BATTLEFIELD!!

Everything stops suddenly, and lwj and wwx are side by side

Bc ofc they are

They’re soulmates!!

Uh oh, some of their guys get Literally pulverized

Aaaaand, here come the massive amounts of puppets

Wen ruohan - creator of the world’s worst puppet show

Omg, we just keep getting shots of lwj and wwx standing next to each other, or standing back to back

They’re not even doing anything AND IT’S STILL AMAZING TO WATCH

UGH, JUST HAVING THEM BE NEAR EACH OTHER ON SCREEN MAKES ME SO HAPPY

Wwx: lan zhan, what method can we take now to escape?

Lwj: Fight.

Wwx: *smirk*

GOD I LOVE MY BOYS

And the cameras give us close-up shots of their faces in that exchange and it’s amazing

THE EXPRESSIONS, MAN

GRIM DETERMINATION

LIKE, WE’RE PROBABLY DEAD, MIGHT AS WELL GO DOWN FIGHTING

THAT’S WHAT THEIR FACES SAY

I! LOVE!! MY!!! BOYS!!!!

They just look so awesome fighting here!!

Lol wwx is just whacking people with his flute

Very intimidating, wwx, very scary

One of the demon things just tried attacking wwx aND GOT BICHEN THROUGH THE CHEST FOR THEIR TROUBLES

THAT’S WHAT YOU GET, DEMON THING!!

And then lwj goes and blocks another blow meant for wwx

Lwj is so awesome in battle??

I feel like shang from mulan trying to compliment lwj

“YOU...YOU FIGHT GOOD”

i mean, come on, he literally just now took out a demon thing with a BLAST from bichen

BICHEN DIDN’T EVEN TOUCH IT? 

AND THE DEMON THING WAS COMING FROM BEHIND HIM??

HE DIDN’T EVEN TURN AROUND TO LOOK!!

HE JUST HAD BICHEN BLAST SOME SPIRITUAL ENERGY BEHIND HIM TO KNOCK OUT THE DEMON THING

WHAT A BAMF

Uh oh

Wwx just did his floaty jump thing and perched on a winged creature statue overlooking the battlefield

Lwj has his eyes on him

He’s watching him all worriedly

WWX STARTS TO PLAY HIS DEMON FLUTE

listen

listen

i know the demon flute and resentful energy is bad for you or whatever

BUT HE LOOKS SO DAMN COOL HERE

ENSHROUDED IN BLACK SMOKE

HIS FACE A PICTURE OF CONCENTRATION

Meanwhile lwj is cutting down enemies left and right AND STILL MAKING TIME TO THROW WORRIED LOOKS AT WWX

WAIT A MINUTE, wwx has just TAKEN CONTROL of the demon things

Bc he’s BADASS

And the music gets INTENSE here

THIS IS SO EXCITING!!!!

LWJ still looks so concerned even tho the demon things start fighting for them rather than against them

Bc he doesn’t care about the demon things or the battle

He cares about how this will affect his wei ying!!

And the episode ends with wen ruohan throwing a hissy fit bc his demon things aren’t under his control anymore

WE DID IT GUYS, WE FINALLY MADE IT TO AN EPISODE WITH QUALITY NOT-COMPLETELY-HEARTBREAKING WANGXIANTICS

OUR BOYS WERE NICE TO EACH OTHER!!!

ON A MOONLIT ROOFTOP!!!

AND THEY FOUGHT SIDE BY SIDE!!

IT WAS ALL SO BEAUTIFUL

Return to Masterpost

[samclownchester]

Supernatural Rewatch 04x04

Metamorphosis

(Next Episode | Masterlist | Previous Episode) 

Alright, we’re gonna look at this episode from two different perspectives:

1. Dean’s role as an older brother throughout the episode

Dean is in an extremely emotionally vulnerable place at the beginning of the episode, he just met his parents as young adults before they were destroyed but monsters, he watched his grandparents die, he saw his father dead and brought back to life by a demon who he knows is the one who will kill his mother. He was already filled with emotions, then Cas shows him that Sam has been lying to him and doing things that look unnatural with a demon Dean already doesn’t trust.

So, he’s emotionally vulnerable. And what does Dean do when he’s emotionally vulnerable? (say it with me class) that’s right, he responds with cruelty. He is so overwhelmed already, and he’s scared, Sam’s powers have always freaked him out, although he tried to hide it at first, and he’s worried, and he feels betrayed, so he lashes out. He says things rashly, he cuts Sam where he knows it’ll hurt.

DEAN Slippery slope, brother. Just wait and see. Because it's gonna get darker and darker, and God knows where it ends.… If I didn't you know... I would wanna hunt you.… tell me. If it's so terrific... then why'd you lie about it to me? Why did an angel tell me to stop you? … Cas said that if I don't stop you, he will. See what that means, Sam? That means that God doesn't want you doing this. So, are you just gonna stand there and tell me everything is all good?

And he succeeds, he hurts Sam because he feels hurt. Honestly, I think that this is less about what Sam is doing and more about the fact that he kept it a secret from Dean. I’ve talked before about how Dean rarely lies to the people who are important to him, and although both brothers have kept secrets from each other before, it was never about something this big, or this scary. John was the one who kept secrets, but Dean always knew that he and Sam would have each other’s backs. So, to find out that his brother had been lying cut him really deeply.

However, throughout the episode there are little moments where it feels like Dean is trying … to apologize, in a way? Trying to act like their just good brothers who didn’t have a hurtful argument just a few hours before: Some examples

Playful teasing like he normally does

TRAVIS You still a.. oh, what was it... a mathlete? SAM No. DEAN Yep, sure is.

When Travis is offended that Sam felt the need to do further research and not just trust Travis’s experience (it’s more teasing but he’s also trying to protect Sam from having to defend himself to Travis).

DEAN Sam loves research. He does.

Also, when Sam says he doesn’t want to talk Dean tries to playfully tease him again

SAM Look, if it's all the same... I'd really rather not talk about it. DEAN Wait a minute. What? You don't want to talk? You?

And I think there’s a few more instances like that, with subtle little signs of affection that show that Dean is trying to get things back to normal with Sam, although Sam reacts to all of these a little stiffly, because he’s not ready for things to be back to normal.

(Also, and this continues throughout the season, all of these instances are Dean remembering Sam as his nerdy little brother, poking fun at things that he sees as Sam’s defining attributes, but Sam isn’t the nerdy, emotional kid that Dean wants him to be. He’s tired, with harder edges and he doesn’t really want to be seen as the mathlete, research loving, emotional little brother. So, Dean’s attempts at brotherly bonding fall flat.)

But, he’s also a little passive aggressive:

SAM I should have told you. I'm sorry. DEAN You've been saying that a lot lately, Sam. But whatever. You don't want to tell me, you don't have to. It's fine.

…

TRAVIS John would have been damn proud of you. Sticking together like this. DEAN Yeah. Yeah, we're as thick as thieves. Nothing more important than family.

Then, because Dean’s not an idiot and he knows his brother and he can see the parallels to 01x14 as clearly as we can, he tries to bring it up. This is actually pretty big, because we know that Dean is not big on talking about feelings, so the fact that he is the one trying to open up a conversation about this stuff shows that he really does care about how Sam is feeling. I think he’s aware that he made a pretty deep cut at the beginning of the episode and he really is trying to fix it the best way he can (he just sucks at it). Which brings a heartbreaking monologue from Sam that we’ll discuss in a moment.

And then, to Dean’s credit, he tries it Sam’s way, much like he did in 01x14 and 02x03, despite his belief that they should shoot first and ask questions later, he stands down, tries to talk it out with Jack first. This, to me, was the biggest sign that Dean didn’t mean what he had said at the beginning of the episode. Because if he had lost trust in Sam, if he truly believed that Sam deserved to be hunted, he would not have even tried to have this conversation with Jack.

And I think he understands what it means to Sam that they failed, that Jack gave in to his impulses and that Travis died (largely because they didn’t take the preventative measure that Travis suggested). Dean knows that Sam is seeing this all as a metaphor and he sees how much it hurts him. 

2. Now, Sam’s emotional journey throughout the episode:

At the beginning, with Ruby, he seems to be happy and proud of himself. He didn’t get a headache this time! They saved the vessel! Everything is going well. Until Dean ruins everything with his controlling, paranoid, attitude.

SAM I'm pulling demons out of innocent people. DEAN Use the knife! SAM The knife kills the victim! What I do, most of them survive! Look, I've saved more people in the last five months than we save in a year. DEAN That what Ruby want you to think? Huh? Kind of like the way she tricked you into using your powers? Slippery slope, brother. Just wait and see. Because it's gonna get darker and darker, and God knows where it ends. SAM I'm not gonna let it go too far.

And this is one of the things I really hate because Dean proves to be right, in the end, even though he’s the one acting irrational and jumping to conclusions, while Sam has some really good points! But it’s whatever…

And then Dean says something that shakes Sam to his core.

DEAN If I didn't you know... I would wanna hunt you.

If it's so terrific … Why did an angel tell me to stop you? … Cas said that if I don't stop you, he will. See what that means, Sam? That means that God doesn't want you doing this. So, are you just gonna stand there and tell me everything is all good?

This feels especially cruel coming from Dean, who’s never even believed in God, who insults every angel he meets. He has no reverence for heaven or their plan, so he only brings it up knowing that Sam has faith in God. Knowing that it will mean something to him, and scare him into stopping.

So, now Dean has effectively called Sam both a monster and a sinner (without using the exact words but that’s what he said) and the two of them have to shove that aside, not deal with it, and go hunt a man who has monster genetics and works as a perfect metaphor for what Sam is going through.

(I see you Chuck, and I hate you)

Sam sees himself in Jack, yes, but he also has an intrinsic belief that people are basically good. That, given the choice, people will choose to be kind and decent, and not give in to their evil nature. I like to think that, even if he hadn’t been struggling with his own “monster” nature, he would have fought to give Jack a chance.

However, Dean pokes at the problem and Sam explodes

SAM Stop the car or I will! … You want to know why I've been lying to you, Dean? Because of crap like this. … The way you talk to me, the way you look at me like I'm a freak … You know, or even worse, like I'm an idiot! Like I don't know the difference between right and wrong! DEAN Do you know the difference, Sam? I mean, you've been kind of strolling a dark road lately. SAM You have no idea what I'm going through. None. DEAN Then enlighten me! SAM I've got demon blood in me, Dean! This disease pumping through my veins, and I can't ever rip it out or scrub it clean! I'm a whole new level of freak! And I'm just trying to take this - this curse... and make something good out of it. Because I have to.

(Every time that Sam yells I find it very therapeutic. Like YAASS QUEEN tell them how it is!)

We haven’t really heard the word freak for a while. It was a recurring theme throughout the first 2 seasons, but it was mostly dropped in season 3. Here it is again, twice, reminding us that Sam’s always been afraid of being a freak, of being different.

At the end of the episode, Dean finally, actually says the words “I’m sorry” (I haven’t checked but I bet you could count on 2 hands the number of times Dean says those words throughout the entire series). But Sam doesn’t want to have a heart to heart about it.

DEAN Sam, I wanna tell you I'm sorry. I've been kind of hard on you lately. SAM Don't worry about it, Dean. DEAN It's just that your, uh, your psychic thing, it scares the crap out of me. SAM Look, if it's all the same... I'd really rather not talk about it. … There's nothing more to say. I can't keep explaining myself to you. I can't make you understand … Because this thing, this blood, it's not in you the way it's in me. It's just something I got to deal with. DEAN Not alone.

And exactly when Dean says “not alone” the camera cuts to a shot of Sam looking out the window, staring at his own reflection, showing us that, despite what Dean is saying, Sam really is alone in this.

But ... the events of the day have been enough to convince him not to use his powers. After all, if Jack couldn’t fight off his monstrous nature, who’s to say that Sam can?

[iamcinema]

IAC Reviews #18: The Basement (1989)

Well, here we are again.

I mentioned this with a previous review on Captives, but this year, in spite of all the awfulness that has gone on, it’s been surprisingly kind to me as far as getting lucky with uncovering stuff that has slid through the cracks. With Captives, I’ve waiting roughly ten or so years to finally get the chance to see it in all it’s mediocre, obscure glory. I wasn’t too sure when I’d ever get the chance to see Tim O’Rawe’s super 8 anthology, The Basement either given it’s own obscure and odd history. That day is finally here, and needless to say I couldn’t be more excited. ________________________________________  

The Basement is a 1989 super 8 horror anthology directed by Timothy O’Rawe, whose only other major, notable credit is Ghoul School the following year. Our story centers on that of four strangers who find themselves a mysterious basement where they’re met by an entity only known as The Sentinel who shows them their inevitable fates and what awaits them in the great beyond.

The film’s history is a bit spotty from what I could find, but the short version is that it was in production for just a bit over three weeks before O’Rawe abandoned it, leading to him eventually work on Ghoul School. It presumably sat in storage forgotten for roughly 20 years until Camp Motion Pictures edited it in 2010 and distributed it in 2011 as The Basement: Super 80s Retro Collection; which also included Cannibal Campout, Captives, Video Violence, and Video Violence 2. Now, as to how it was rediscovered, I’m not sure. I don’t know if it’s a case like Metal Noir where it was found on accident or O’Rawe found it in his collection again before handing it off to CMP. Now, with that said, I feel like we have a bit of a situation on our hands because I don’t know how fair this review might turn out given what we know for the time being.

The Basement in One Gif:

Oh, oh you guys. I think I found the perfect film and it might outshine Las Vegas Bloodbath here with just the finest, most outstanding acting and line delivery I’ve ever seen. I knew from the first three minutes that I was in for something special and seeing it all over again is just. Wow. ________________________________________

So, before I dive in I think I should say that I’m not sure how fair this is going to be given that the film was abandoned and was more than likely unfinished. I can’t make heads or tails of it all with the plot holes going on or the clumsy acting and dialogue, like if it’s a timing and budget problem or what. It’s truly fucking bizarre. It also doesn’t help that without a vague plot summary online, you probably won’t have much of an idea as to what’s going on, and this is going to cause a ton of problems from the jump.

With the opening, we’re already off to a bad start. We see our main four wandering around a dingy basement, wondering how they’re going to get out. There’s no rhyme or reason for it. They’re just sort of there and we aren’t told how they ended up there. Now, I don’t know if this is a problem with the writing and it was never considered or it was probably with the timing and the scene was never shot before O’Rawe abandoned the film. It would have been nice to have say, a Cube or Saw scenario where they all just woke up there.

From what I found, it says they were summoned there, presumably by The Sentinel or the evil energy from the house that they supposedly released, but that still raises the question of why they didn’t go back the way they came. If the house trapped them inside, then it surely wasn’t conveyed or alluded to. It’s not like an underground mine or cave where it’s easy to get lost. There’s also the question of why the Sentinel is choosing to specifically punish them, given that he shows them visions of their futures that will ultimately condemn them with no chance of redemption. So, we’re going into predestination territory?

Next to this, the more obvious problem is the acting and line delivery. It’s pretty damn bad, full of overreacting and what I can only guess is just bad dubbing. Once again, I can’t tell if the dubbing came about at the hands of CMP or it was already like that when O’Rawe was working on it. It’s likely going to be the best-worst thing about this, so I hope you’re in the mood for bad cheese. ________________________________________

Our first story, The Swimming Pool, centers on Victoria who, for some reason, really has it out for her husband and we’re never told why. She just hates him because “plot device” I guess. The bad line delivery and dubbing shines here and it’s boarding on being horrible and comedic, which isn’t the best way to kick us off into things.

We find that after her husband goes for a swim that there’s some sort of water entity in the pool and she sort of just has a odd reaction to it all, where one moment she’s reacting to it and the next she’s sitting by the water. I can’t tell if this is supposed to take place the same day, which it looks like, or they didn’t to a good job to show some sort of transition to another point in time. Also, she has names of her enemies and other doodles scribbled in a book like an eighth grader for some reason. It’s so corny and cheesy.

There’s no sort of lore or explanation for where the pool demon thing came from, let alone why Victoria feels compelled to do this. The ending also makes no sense either when we see what becomes of her either. It’s should be noted that this chapter is just around the ten minute mark, making it the shortest of the lot. Now, I can’t tell if it’s like this intentionally or there were more shots planned, but didn’t get filmed due to the film being abandoned. I’m not too sure, but it’s probably the worst of the four.

--

We get our next chapter in the form of Trick-or-Treat, a sort of Christmas Carol style story centering on a widowed high school teacher who is visited by various monsters who demand he changes his ways for hating kids and disrespecting the spirit of Halloween. We get an interesting fantasy sequence where he unleashes his pent up anger our on his students before veering off a bit towards this story’s sort of second act where the spirit of his wife visits him, warning him to change his ways before he faces a similar fate she has. You’d think that would lead to a sort of revelation for him to do something, but it doesn’t. Like, man, you can’t even just fake it for a day or anything? It’s not like they implied they were going to keep tabs on you every Halloween or anything, so why make a big deal about it?

If I had to find some sort of positive about this one, it’s that it probably has the most decent special effects and makeup work of the four. But, of course I’m not sure how much of a positive that is and what it says about what we can expect from the other two stories. It may or may not also be the most rounded of them too, again, not sure if that’s a major positive given when we have to work with and it works fairly decently as just a stand alone short film on its own.

--

The third chapter brings us to Zombie Movie, centering on a film crew working on a low budget zombie flick with their asshole director, Adelman, and things slowly go to shit when their picture becomes a reality. Hmm, low budget 80s zombie flick...bad director...I think I’ve heard of this before! It’s also neat to see a small easter egg here in the form of the production assistant, played by JR Bookwalter, wearing a Dead Next Door shirt, as O’Rawe got a special thanks notice in the credits of that film as well. The dubbing here is particularly awful, but at least he wasn’t wrong when he said the zombies look like assholes!

As for why any of this is happening, we don’t get an answer. Why? Who cares! Maybe it just hearkens back to the last story where it’s happening due to the director disrespecting the art of zombie films. Your guess is as good as mine. It’s a shame too that the acting here absolutely sucks for the most part because this could have been the best one of the bunch...maybe. There’s a bit of an issue towards the end where the director immediately jumps to there being zombies on the loose and not a bunch of jackass trespassers causing trouble, but maybe there’s a deleted or unrecorded scene where the actresses tell him what the PA was freaking out over and he got paranoid? I’m not too sure. Either way, it feels like a sloppy way to bring things to a close.

--

The final chapter brings us to Home Sweet Home, the simple story about a guy named Scott who purchases a house in the countryside with a gruesome history and begins to question his sanity in the process when it seems like the rumors about it might be true after all. It’s arguably the most generic of the four and here I would say that’s a compliment to play it as safe as possible.

Almost right away, I noticed something off, and I don’t mean with the dubbing because that’s weird on it’s own. There’s a weird point in the conversation he has with the realtor about the house where she mentions that part of the legend with the house is that the owner committed suicide after going on a killing spree and it ties into why they haven’t found him. I can’t tell if it was a clumsy way to explain things, but wouldn’t it make sense for the police to have found him if that was the case? Again, your guess is as good as mine. With that being said, I hope you enjoy night shots because we’re going to get a ton of them!

Things begin to pick up a bit after Scott arrives to the new place and starts to get settled in with the help of a friend who shows up after talking to the realtor. I’m not sure how he thought he would get lucky that way, but alright. The conversations afterward with his girlfriend are also what you can expect as far as acting goes too, which isn’t anything too special. From here on out, I anticipated a ton of squinting because it’s hard to tell what’s going on at any point if there isn’t even a little bit of candlelight. It’s like watching Nekro, but somehow worse, yet better than Blood Lake, which sucks because if some of these shots weren’t so damn dark, the special effects would look pretty damn cool. It’s also kind of a downer in a way to know what comes next given how this guy wasn’t an asshole who had it coming like the other three did too.

The film ends with the Sentinel showing them what awaits them now that they’ve been judged for their actions, and it goes the way I’m sure you can already picture it going before we close to the credits with some mediocre 80s tunes. Estus Pirkle approved perhaps?

________________________________________ 

So, that was The Basement. It was a weird ride from start to finish and I’m still not entirely sure how I feel about it. It’s one giant anomaly and I feel like now I have more questions than answers.

I mentioned it before, but it’s worth saying again that I want to know how much of the problems here are just a result of the project being abandoned, the film naturally being this flimsy, or CMP had something to do with it because I feel like I had this issue too when it came to Captives and I can’t tell if they how much of the film was really saved and how much of it was butchered by Majestic Home Video. It could be a bit of everything here, though I don’t want to believe that CMP would try to sabotage this given how long it had been out of the public eye for.

That being said, there’s so much going on here and trying to wrap my head around it hurts. I can’t tell if the acting is naturally this trashy or it’s only enhanced by the dubbing. It also feels like more stuff was supposed to be going on, but it just didn’t for one reason or another and I’m not sure if that robs something from it or was for the best.

As I mentioned with the whole Swimming Pool chapter, it feels like something else was originally planned to happen at some point and things just fell through. It would have been nice to have a sort of story line like with the Are You Afraid of the Dark episode, “The Tale of the Dark Music” where Victoria makes some sort of deal with the entity in exchange for something in return. It would explain more of her logic and reasoning behind her method of madness instead of it all seeming random.

With Trick-or-Treat, having more padding or explanation to justify his hatred of kids and Halloween would have been great too and not slow down the pace of the story. Hell, give me a brief one-off bit like with Night of the Demons where they’re being a bunch of dicks to the old guy. There, problem solved. It’s a lot easier than a single, brief shot of some kids who poorly try to egg his house. Again, nothing would have been lost here if they went that direction, unless the whole point was to make him the old geezer type who just hates the season and that’s it.

Zombie Movie probably could have had the most potential to be the best of the four if it wasn’t for the painfully bad dubbing and acting. If that was a non-issue, I could buy into the premise more without much of a problem. Plus, it feels like a cameo on part of Bookwalter with how flimsy the execution was, or even Carl  Burrows who played one of the B actors and has the most prolific career of the cast; being in other stuff like Ghoul School, Psycho Sisters, Toxic Avenger III, Crybaby Lane, Mysteries at the Museum, The Sadist, and Psycho Street to name a few.

Home Sweet Home still feels like the more normal and grounded one of the bunch and I’m not sure if playing it safe helped in the end either. It probably could have been saved if it was stretched out a bit more and we got to see more into Scott’s psyche and go on the journey with him about whether or not his dreams and hallucinations are real. It also doesn’t help either that some of the night shots make it hard to tell what’s going on because what you can make out with some of the gore scenes are pretty cool and it feels like we got robbed here. I’m still not sure why Scott is being thrown under the bus with Victoria, Charles, or Mr. Adelman considering his only “crime” seems to be not taking a superstitious rumor seriously. Talk about harsh.

Beyond this, there’s not a ton to talk about either. The music is fairly average and not all that interesting, being what one could expect from something on a low budget for the time and when your sound producer and editor is one of your guys providing additional voice work, you can only expect so much and even then it’s probably too much. This is such an oddity and I’m still kind of surprised that it was found again after all these years. It’s funny how things like this just slip through the cracks of time and it’s good to know this more than likely won’t go missing again, though I’m in no rush to take this out of the vault to revisit any time soon.

Rating: 3/10

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S4 Ep 12: Pharaoh, a Well Known Magician of Darkness, Swears he Has Never Done That.

I just had the most disappointing cheesecake cup of my entire life, so lets talk about Yugioh. From weird dessert to weird desert. ha.

I mean OK. Sure. I mean they gotta do something while they look for Yugi in a desert that isn’t really known for it’s off-roading, but it also isn’t known for it’s card game scene so...

But then the show decided to fill even more empty time with Rebecca sharing this piece of info when I least expected it. Now. In S4.

Y’all I was SO surprised.

I know that the show is doing this for the people just tuning into Yugioh for the first time but...Man, I’m having flashbacks to that time Yugi didn’t tell anyone that Bakura freakin died for over 40 episodes until Marik had to do it for him.

Yugi never told the girl he gave the friendship card to, that his best friend is ACTUALLY a 4000 yo ghost that haunts his every move. (5000 yo? I forget how old he is)

Tea just patiently reveals all of Yugi’s deepest darkest terrifying occult secrets to Rebecca with a smile on her face the entire time.

That’s girl talk. Can affirm--this is what girl talk looks like.

(read more Girl Talk under the cut)

Her explanation on the show actually did not point out that there is a separate entity with a completely different personality, so I think that people watching the show for the first time would still be hella confused. Instead it was more “this is Yugi’s strong and handsome side which I clearly like WAY MORE, and this is the other one”

Like she kinda left out the part where one is a ghost.

So this scene basically takes away any tension that a 4-way love square would have brought to the table.

And that’s fine. I really didn’t need a love square that involves both a 12 year old and a ghost. For me, as a person who is immune to shipping, it just seemed wildly too complicated for the same writing team who have been trying to bury Kaiba and his relationship with that that paper card since they brought it up in S2.

But apparently no one in this square cares they all kinda like the same person and that this particular person is two people. And as they go on about what they like about Yugi, it’s clear that both girls have made kind of a perfect dream Yugi who...just doesn’t exist at all. Maybe if either of them actually went on more than one date with the boy, they would separate the dream from the reality and realize fully that, in actuality, Yugi and Pharaoh both are a human version of that “hang in there!” poster with the struggling kitten on it.

TBH I think the women in this show forgot they like Yugi, it was a very friendzoning style of conversation.

Meanwhile, Rafael’s giant arms only continue to grow even more muscular with every scene as he tell us the vague deep lore behind this necklace. It’s sort of like watching a webcomic written by a teenager. The muscles keep growing, and growing, but the characters have to keep getting distracted by lore, and then midway the lore drop, the writer goes on a hiatus because of finals and just never comes back so it feels like you’re stuck in lore limbo forever.

I do like that Pharaoh’s like “your necklace is evil, take that off” when he has also been wearing the Oricalchos necklace the entire time.

Maybe because it was just waaay too tempting for Yugi to look at that jewelry and NOT wear that jewelry? Yugi has kind of a magpie problem with accessories, as we all know, and I can’t believe this magpie problem has put him into mortal peril so many times.

And then the show finally does us the favor of explaining why some people go cray when they wear haunted jewelry, and others do not.

Which does not bode well for Ryou. Not like we ever hang out with Ryou enough to find out his personal balance between being a meek little Brishish(ish?) kid that likes to eat cookies and his demon form that likes to stab things. Like seriously, would have liked to know more about Ryou ever at all, but since Season 1 ended, he’s only Ryou for like...2 minutes at a time before he’s back to being wonderful, scene shredding, serial murderer asshole Bakura.

Also, unrelated note, WHAT THE HELL, ART TEAM.

Is that turtleneck just spray painted on??? Why does this guy ever bother with cards? He can just do some punches and probably accomplish the same damn thing and a lot quicker. This man is larger than...any other human that has been on this show.

And so it’s at this point that Rafael’s decided like “ahaha my master plan, I will make Pharaoh doubt himself” and it’s like...

...you actually don't need to give Pharaoh a push, he and Yugi doubt themselves so often they’d list it as one of their hobbies on their edgy Livejournals (because they would keep two)

This fight with Rafael was kinda frustrating, because while most villains make points where it’s like “oh, you were tortured underground your whole life because of something I did in my past life, yeah that checks out.” all of Rafael’s points had so little to do with Pharaoh and were...so easy to debunk...

Like I made the joke about Flat Earther’s the last recap but you know what? I can see Rafael being a Flat Earther. Straight up. You can tell him the sky is blue and he’ll start going off about how all of humanity needs to die because the sky is actually made of Meyer lemons.

Darts even decided to say this line.

Which I thought was mostly funny because Pharaoh still has no idea that thing around his neck can shoot lasers, but also funny because the only reason Yugi has friends is because he initially cursed them to like him in Season Zero. And that wasn’t even Pharaoh, that was YUGI. Rafael is just SO very late to this party.

So, he decides to give Pharaoh an Oricalchos card, and like...

And I don’t believed I capped this part of the last episode, but before they even started this game, Rafael was like “yeah I let Arthur go.”

So...there’s no reason for Yugi to be here anymore other than the bridge is out. There are NO stakes in this game. Other than...Pharaoh’s pride?

I guess it’s one of the problems of sharing a soul with a King who we’re 90% sure did some pretty effed up stuff at some point because he’s a King. That’s just what they DO, I’ve played Fire Emblem, I know how Kings work.

Like we could just sit down and make a list of things that Pharaoh and Yugi did that ended up really screwing him over. (And hearing that nitroglycerin air hockey happens somewhere in the manga does make me want to take a peek at it eventually but I have too much on my to do list)

Like for instance, there was that time he took a fireball for Mai thinking she was a decent person and she ended up killing over 20 people with a gas station and is now a Mad Max Style serial murderer racing down the 101, and actively trying to kill him and more specifically Joey Wheeler.

Or that time he took the ultimate bullet and died but left his tomb to the most asshole tombkeeper family cult known to man who like to carve tattoos onto children with old ass hot butcher knives for thousands of years.

Or that time he thought Namu wasn’t Marik when Marik had insane tattooed eyeliner and a millennium item sticking like 8 inches out of his back pocket the entire time. Could’ve saved him like...2 seasons of content if he just yoinked that item right then and there.

Or that time he actually tried to murder Seto Kaiba. Like actually tried to push his own classmate off of a steep ledge and would have done it if Tea hadn’t intervened.

Or that time he did...a lot of the things that Yugi did in Season Zero and the Manga.

I just feel like...this is our boy. He’s meant to be this gray area protagonist who is trying to do the right thing but at the same time does enjoy his dark tendency towards revenge. Yami is sort of like having the best of both worlds where you can be both villain and hero. He doesn’t need to be a polarizing force like Superman or something.

And...it feels a little bit like the narrative is trying to say he has finally stepped over the line of gray area and it’s like...he’s been here kind of a while, bud. But honestly, if it makes Pharaoh go a little Zero I’m here for it. Why not? It’s been a while, I want to see him go nuts again.

And I mean Yugi hasn’t had a meltdown in kind of a while, we were overdue. I assume that’s all of next episode is just Yugi freaking the hell out.

Anyway, if you just got here, this is a link to take you to the first episode where you can then read the entire epic in chrono order.

[kylermalloy]

1, 2, 6, 7, 9, 11, 14, 15, 18, 26, 30. 🥰

Thank you, Yuki! These are all great questions 😊

1. What themes would you like to write about that you feel don’t get explored very often?

I don’t know how well-explored this is, but most of the fanfics I write are, in some way, an exploration of the effect of trauma. Whether direct or indirect, it seems to get glossed over a lot in the media I consume.

2. What are some common elements of stories you are tired of seeing? What would you avoid writing about?

If we’re talking fanfic, I hate infodumps. I hate characters rushing through information the reader already knows for the sake of the characters knowing it.

Writing in general? The Big Misunderstanding.

6. What point of view do you tend to write in? Do all of your pieces use the same POV? Do you have strong opinions on the POV used in novels?

Usually third person limited. I’ll jump to third person omniscient for some pieces, but that’s hard. And it requires a strong, widespread worldview I usually don’t have when I write. I used to write in first person but we don’t talk about that.

7. Favorite description in your wip?

This is another hard one, because apparently I am not satisfied with ANY of my writing atm. Here’s a little passage that’s halfway decent:

“I’m fine,” Niklaus insisted, though his trembling voice suggested otherwise. He bowed his head, resting his chin in the crook of his elbow.

“No,” Elijah said firmly. “Let me see, brother.”

He pushed a strand of Nik’s dirty hair aside—coming loose from the braid Rebekah had made that morning—to examine the knife wound.

Niklaus kept his eyes down. His breathing stuttered even under Elijah’s gentle touch.

9. What scene was the hardest to write for you and why?

Literally every scene that’s not two people sitting still and talking lol. It’s so hard to keep track of how people are moving—even when it is just two people having a conversation!

I finished a scene for the Star Wars AU recently, an action sequence. Sam and Dean face off against an evil Inquisitor (demon) and are saved by Jack. It was long and complicated and had lots of characters moving around and doing stuff, ugh. It legit took me around a year to write, and I’m still not technically done with it!

11. Set the scene for us. What are your settings like and do you have any pictures saved that represent them? Do your characters travel and see more than one? What are their names?

My settings are very simple. I hate describing places, so if it’s not somewhere readers would be familiar with, it’s a close, plain intimate setting that doesn’t distract from the interpersonal stuff I’m really interested in.

14. If you’ve written more than one story, what traits do your protagonists tend to share?

Well, all I write are fanfics—my protagonists aren’t my own. But all the POV characters I choose tend to be deep thinkers, in tune with their emotions (but also highly repressed). Also they’re usually guilt-ridden.

15. Why physical quirks do your characters tend to have? Eyebrow raising, picking nails, biting lips, pacing, crossing arms, etc.

Everybody knits their brow! Everybody gets a twist in their stomach! Everybody touches each others’ shoulders, and everybody runs their hands through their hair.

18. What writers have inspired you with their use of language? What are some of your favorite quotes?

Honestly, I can’t think of any off the top of my head.

26. What do you feel like you need to work on as a growing writer? How can you improve?

Balancing emotion/introspection with physical descriptions. These days I feel like it’s either one or the other with me.

30. What is some of the best writing advice you’ve read or received? Why does it work for you?

I’ve read lots of writing advice and haven’t taken most of it to heart, lol. I do like the advice about “show don’t tell”—the part that says you don’t have to show us everything. Show what’s relevant. Show what’s emotionally impactful. Don’t over-describe every little detail just for the sake of painting a hyperrealistic picture. Not everything matters that much.

Send me writing asks!

[into-control]

submission:

for the anon asking about conversion therapy

The conversion therapy I went to was different from others, I think, because it was linked to a private boarding school. It was divided into 2 age groups. 11-15 years and 16-19 years. I was in the latter group. There weren’t many of us in that age group. Less than 30, for sure.

Idk what it was like for the younger age group. I’m assuming they were less harsh on them and were less detailed and explicit about sexual things to them than they were with us.

They would mention sexual things a lot to us. That’s a big thing that was focused on.

A married couple were the ones running it all. The husband focused on the boys, and the wife focused on the girls.

The husband wasn’t as bad as the wife. He was less harsh and a bit softer. But the wife was seriously disturbed. Evil is the worst that comes to mind, but maybe that’s being too harsh. I can almost forgive the husband, but the wife, I still extremely resent to this day. She was fucked up.

For the most part, it wasn’t physically abusive. They’d hit the boys occasionally, and the girls would get slapped on the arm or the back sometimes, but that was it.

There was a lot of religious preaching.

There were a lot of sexual talks. The husband was too embarrassed to talk to the girls about that, so the wife would do that.

She would go on about how heterosexual sex is normal, natural, and beautiful, and that it’s for the man’s pleasure and that women need to do it, even if they don’t want to. “Your husband owns your body and has the right to do whatever he wants to it”.

There was a lot of brainwashing. They would tell the guys that, even though they think that they’re not attracted to women, their bodies are attracted and will react to women. And with the girls, they’d say it’s impossible for two women to have sex and that women aren’t even supposed to want sex as it’s only for procreation and male pleasure.

If we ever thought something gay, we would have to snap a rubber band on our wrist. We also had to mark every gay thought we had on a diagram of a tree. Every leaf represented a gay thought.

If we were ever seen showing affection to someone of the same gender, we would get screamed at like we’d committed murder. We weren’t allowed to hug each other, hold hands, sit too close to each other, etc.

The wife would tell us that just because being gay is being normalised in society, that does not make it okay, and that we’re disgusting.

They would show us videos and tell stories about situations where people “became straight”, and they’d tell us things to scare us. Like, they’d say that most lesbian relationships are abusive, and they’d say that most gay men are gonna die of AIDs.

One thing that made me really angry just because of the sheer hypocrisy of it is that they would encourage the boys to  watch porn of a single woman alone in their free time. That’s supposed to be a sin too, but I guess for them, anything was better than being gay.

Of course, they wouldn’t encourage the girls to do that because girls were told they had to be “pure” until marriage because men don’t want “used goods”.

The wife would ask us really invasive, personal questions about our sexual attractions.

That’s one thing I really hated. She never once even mentioned falling in love with the same gender. It was always just her acting like we’re all sexually-obsessed perverts who want to fuck every girl in existence.

The level of sexism was disgusting. The wife was much more sexist than the man. She was an actual misogynist. She would always talk about how much she hated women. She seemed to think she was one of the only decent women in the world.

The boys would be allowed to play football during breaks, but the girls would have to stay inside and talk because “it’s not feminine” for women to play sports.

The wife would tell us stuff like, “If your husband hits you, it’s your fault for making him angry, and you probably deserve it”, “you have to obey everything your husband says”, “a woman’s only purpose in life is to serve her husband and bear his children”.

Other stupid, sexist rules. The girls weren’t allowed to wear trousers. We had to wear skirts or dresses. She told us lesbianism is only a thing because society encourages women to behave like men. And she said men aren’t attracted to women anymore because “women have started dressing like men”.

They were also really invasive about things like body hair. They would do checks to make sure that the boys weren’t shaving their armpits, legs, or arms because it was considered feminine. And the girls had to shave all their body hair, but she only checked our legs and arms.

The husband had some kind of sympathy for us at least, but the wife hated us. She would constantly insult us and call us disgusting, freaks, homosexuals, lesbians, f*gs, etc.

Oh, I just remembered something so stupid she said that it’s almost funny. She said that, in hetero sex, the woman shouldn’t ever be on top because that can cause the man and woman to become gay because the man is in the woman’s position (submissive), and the woman is in the man’s position (dominant). So fucking stupid, lol. She must think half the straight couples out there are gay then, following that logic.

I can’t emphasize how horrible the wife was. I have no idea how she can claim to be a religious woman when she was practically the devil incarnate. I hate her so much, but I feel guilty for hating her. She would try to emotionally manipulate us into believing that she cared about us and only wanted to help us.

One of the boys was on the autism spectrum, and she’d always call him a “r*tard”, “disabled”, and she’d call him a liar and say he was faking it for attention.

She was a really unkind person. She would constantly mock us and try to humiliate us. She was very sarcastic too.

The husband would try to get her to stop being so harsh.

I swear, with the way she used to speak to us, it was like we were the worst people in the world. She made me feel like I’d committed murder or something. Like I was dirt under her shoe and worthless. She was really, really, really horrible.

It definitely had a really big impact on us. Some of the girls would self-harm. Another girl tried to overdose on tablets, but she survived and got kicked out after that. They called her attention-seeking.

One of the girls ended up running away from the place. She climbed over this fence right at the back of the outside area where the boys would play football and never came back.

I hated myself so much. I literally wanted to die most of the time that I was there. I think I might have had depression. I was there for a year and a half.

The place shut down years ago. The whole thing caused a bit of a scandal in my city at the time. The woman actually had the nerve to contact me and try to ask me to defend the place against the accusations.

She really managed to brainwash some of those girls though. Some of them are married to men now.

To summarise, it was the worst experience of my entire life, and it fucked me up. I would cry almost every day, and then there was this period of a few months where I actually physically couldn’t cry. Like, I’d feel sad and try to force tears, but I couldn’t cry. I don’t know why.

It’s taken me years to recover, but I still have a lot of internalised homophobia deep down. And I still haven’t fully forgiven my dad for forcing me to go there.

And I’m actually still anxious every time I go outside because I’m worried that I’ll bump into that demon woman. After I finished the conversion therapy, I kept having this recurring dream for a few months where I was running and trying to hide, and she was chasing me.

I’m a calm person, but I end up freaking out if anyone says something that reminds me of something she said to me. Like one time, someone made a joke about beating gay people up, and I FREAKED. I lost control of my emotions and ended up yelling at them and then sobbing. I’m never like that usually.

I still can’t bring myself to date a girl, even though it’s been years. I feel too ashamed, like I’m doing something wrong.

That woman is easily one of the worst people I have ever met in my entire life.

I hope she realises what a cruel, stupid, toxic person she is one day, and I hope she feels extremely guilty and ashamed like she made us feel constantly. And I hope she cries about it like she made us cry. But in the end, I hope she changes and becomes a good person. I would try to forgive her if she did.

Anyway, I’m getting kinda emotional, but to summarise, anon, PLEASE do not go to conversion therapy. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life. It DOESN’T work. I’m still gay. All it did was make us miserable and make us hate ourselves. And the stuff that they tell you really stays in your mind, and it’s very hard to clear your mind of it completely.

[eisforeidolon]

Prophet and Loss

This episode did actually do a few things really well, a couple decently well, and then there was the usual.

That intro is just … horrific.  Even knowing from being spoiled that it's only a dream?  Just - holy crap, Jensen.  That Dean clawed up the walls in his sleep he was so deep into it?  Gah.  So much no (but in the best way).  

In a similar vein, I also found the scenes with the screwed up prophet guy really creepy.  The look on the actor's face, the methods of his murders, him creepily stalking the second victim, the Enochian chanting from nowhere?  I thought it was a pretty effective piece of horror, so that was great.  I mean, Killer Prophet sounds like an awesomely terrible slasher flick, so.  

In terms of the acting, I thought all of the scenes with just Sam & Dean were great – in the motel, in the car, at the end.  These guys really are just that good at being these characters.  I got a genuine sense throughout the episode of Sam holding back his frustration with Dean's chosen path and goodbye speeches until he just sort of falls apart and explodes at the end.  I like it when the writers let Sam actually get angry at things instead of just playing peacemaker doormat guy.  In an abstract sense, this is a really good place for conflict with Dean not seeing another option and Sam refusing to believe there isn't one and they both sell the moment really well.  I had actual emotions and everything!

Unfortunately, the impact of these scenes are a little spoiled by the scripted content of the conversations in a few places.  Again, is Dean's plan here really that much more extreme than what he planned to do with the Mark?  Are we supposed to read it as some kind of (OOC) machismo thing that instead of insisting that there is literally no other way Dean doesn't try to convince Sam there just isn't time to find another way because Michael isn't that secure?  The latter would be a legit argument, whereas insisting there can't be another way is pretty obtuse after they've found another way around just about every hurdle they've faced.  I suspect the writers were so focused on trying to get to the emotional payoff of the scene at the end with Sam talking Dean out of it that they just didn't bother to make Dean's rationale make sense, which is lazy.  Then there's the car conversation where suddenly we have this random retcon about Dean periodically running off (previously always talked about as a kid as good soldier, obedient Dean) actually also sometimes being John telling him to GTFO (paranoid about monsters around every corner John Winchester).  What? and also Why?  with a little Huh? thrown in.  Even the end conversation – I wouldn't normally mind them trying to throw in something that feels like a take off of RL stuff (Donatello always kept never quit fighting!) except when it's so obviously shoehorned.  Donatello not giving up lead to the deaths of two perfectly innocent people, is that really the moral you want to go with here?

Like, I wonder if perhaps the gruesome twosome heard all the fan talk about liking parallels and decided that was something they were good at.  Because this episode had the weird obtuse Donatello to Dean one and it also had the twin smarming on about losing his older brother and I just … lost it, had to stop and have the giggles for a minute.  I mean, J2 and the other actor were doing their best but that dialogue was laid on so thick in such an absurdly on the nose way – it really only belonged in some kind of straight up parody spoof.  Not even to mention that I guess that's what they must have been going for with the whole Nick thing in a way, and I have not found a single thing about that storyline interesting or sympathetic or in any way worth breaking vessel canon for.

A few more random things, then.  I kind of liked that Rowena and Castiel were both looking into trying to find other things to help, though I'm still annoyed at trying to play like the Book of the Damned is a catchall solveall (what does damnation have to do with archangel possession?).  I actually liked the phone conversation between Dean and Castiel – Castiel's complete inability to not immediately spill all the beans and Dean just flat out ignoring him trying to speechify.  Considering the close relationship between the victim and the killer and his obvious tattoo with symbols similar to those carved into the victim, I had to wonder about both the existence and the competence of the cops in whatever town this took place in.  Like, the killer was just a fucked up human and it was kind of weird a murder investigation didn't get there before the Winchesters.  Similarly, since he was just a human being fucked up by outside influence the whole scene of beating on him 'til he killed himself was just … weird.  Or was that just me?

Also, what even was that Donatello storyline?  Seriously?  IIRC, he lost his soul to Amara and then when they tried to have him translate the demon tablet he went evil, so Cas turned him into a vegetable.  But now, suddenly, even if there's a spark left they have to try and bring him back and he'll magically not be evil now because …?  Did I miss something to explain why he has a magical reset button in his head now?  Not to mention that they all suddenly really care about Donatello being *gasp* a vegetable trapped between life and death … when he's been that way since 13x13.  These writers really do seem to write as if everything that’s not happening right on screen is in some kind of static limbo they can just ignore or focus on whenever they feel like bothering and ignore when they don’t - souls in the veil, heaven falling, Donatello’s coma, etc.

I remember at the time reading some people really upset that Sam stopped Dean here because of the threat Michael poses.  While I kind of get where that's coming from, I've never felt like the Winchesters have any kind of moral imperative to sacrifice literally everything for the world.  As such, I'm never going to be bothered by either talking the other out of making a sacrifice play.  Especially when it's a case like this where the writers have worked so hard to set up a false dichotomy; either they go with Dean's plan or they take literally no preventative measures until they find another way or Michael bursts free – middle ground, what's that?

[koalas-koalas-everywhere]

About book!Aziraphale and his relationship to Heaven

Most of the meta I’ve read about it has it that the main difference between him and TV!Aziraphale is that he’s accepted the fact that he’s a bit of a bastard and that Heaven’s pretty rotten and it’s just a name for a side and I’m over here like “that’s?????? Not what I read at all”. If anything, TV!A is the one who keeps talking about opposite sides as the reason why he and Crowley can’t like each other and about his inability to disobey, while book!A is the one going on and on about angels and demons not even having free will and so being inevitably good and evil respectively. Yes, he’s more aware of the possibility for punishment than TV!A seems to be, mentioning Gomorrah when they find out Warlock’s not the Antichrist, but that just fits with the whole issue, which is that a part of him knows that everything’s not what he thinks he’s been told it is it seems to be, it’s just that he knows it on the same level that he knows Crowley has a spark of goodness in him and that still allows him to deny that knowledge in conversation until they’re literally about to die. 

 Here’s how I read it: is he more comfortable with, say, the concept* of killing an eleven year old? Yes, but, coupled with everything else he says, I think it has less to do with him being alright with his “bastardy” and recognizing Heaven and Hell are just sides than it has with him just being convinced that, as long as it’s an agent of Heaven doing it (including him), it’s alright (in the self-righteous hands, a gun lends weight to a moral argument).

Heaven as a cult (and no, I don’t know what Hell would be in this metaphor - a gang, maybe)

The thing is that you can’t look at his relationship with Heaven as just work, or even just family. As I mentioned in another post, I think it should be seen as a cult, which kinda mixes both work and family and adds religion and all that fun stuff: the other angels are the people he was born and belongs with, and their “home” is where he learned was raised (family); Heaven is the source of his “income” and Aziraphale relies on it “financially”, it also has a marked hierarchy (work); as a religious institution, it works with the belief that it knows what’s best and what will be rewarded in the end, in addition to having a knowledge of how the world works that isn’t obvious at first glance to anyone who doesn’t belong, and works primarily on faith (religion). When all of that combines, the “raising” part of the familial aspect becomes programming and indoctrination with the unquestioning faith of the religion, the faith of the religion becomes unquestionable obedience to your boss with the strict hierarchy and fear of ruin if you’re fired of the workplace, and the faith and desire to belong of the family and religion become an unhealthy attachment to your job.

I see book!Aziraphale as who was born and raised in a cult and then sent away to do missionary work, where he faced reality, went through some pretty severe cognitive dissonance and dealt with it by rationalizing and denying by turns. I think the “angels are naturally good and, in fact, incapable of being anything else, since we don’t have free will, so anything I do will be Right and Good” excuse saw its fair share of use. I see him as someone who’s comfortable being a bastard because he doesn’t believe that’s what he’s doing or that he’s even capable of it. It’s this denial which leads him to (somehow????) be convinced that if he tells Heaven where the Antichrist is, they’ll get rid of him (nothing too bad, since they’re Heaven, of course, which leads me to the question, what the fuck do you think would have been an appropriate response, Aziraphale, since you were willing to kill him for a good stretch there? And what would have been an exaggerated, unbecoming-of-your-idealized-Heaven response???), even though he starts off knowing that they want the war, because he cannot conceive of being against Heaven. Sortaaa... divergent? Yeah, alright, but always working towards the same goal. The Agreement might have been acceptable in his mind because the job is still getting done, and the temptations also would have happened anyway. (Besides, of course, the whole “I can’t do Bad” thing.”)

Not that I think he’s, like, a pure cinnamon roll who only does the things he does because he doesn’t know better uwu !!!11!1!1. I think a big reason why his indoctrination’s been able to hold all that time is pride in always being Right and the comfort of knowing you’re always Good, so you don’t have to think about how what you’re doing will affect other people. He is someone who wants to do good, but, as all of us know, even without the complication of what we’re told is good and what we feel is good being contradicting, sometimes life’s too complicated to be able to tell what’s the right course, and Aziraphale, who we were introduced to worrying about this very problem, takes the easy way out and believes that being Good is his very nature. As I said before, a part of him knew that what he believed was wrong, but it was a mind (what Heaven taught him) over matter (what he feels is right) conflict when there was another battle going on in “matter” between what he feels is right and what he wants for himself, which was to be in Heaven’s good graces and for everything to be easy and himself to be good.

Matter over program (and pride, and guilt, and comfort, and security, let’s just say he didn’t have it easy, mkay?)

This conflict is suggested In The Beginning, ““““coincidentally”””” also the last time we go into Aziraphale’s head until he has to make a choice between Heaven and Crowley, and he rationalizes choosing Heaven by convincing himself that they’ll do what he wants them to and stop the Apocalypse and that way he’ll get to go back to Crowley.** Aka, his POV is marked by instances where what he’s been told what he says clashes against what he feels and wants. The solution for his conflict comes with the Metatron stating in no uncertain terms that Heaven’s wishes and his own were irreconcilably at odds with each other... actually, I think this probably wasn’t the first time? Probably, I don’t and can’t know. But what this was, was probably the first time Aziraphale cared so much about what he’d have to give up that he thought it was worth it to not only cut ties with Heaven, but also to abandon his carefully constructed wall of denial and rationalization and indoctrination to accept thing as they are.

We can see it plainly with the televangelist. A lot of people point at that moment as proof of him being and ass and, like, I agree that that’s what he’s being, but only on account of the people who were honestly watching that channel to feel connected to their religion and find some peace and reassurance and got... Aziraphale. Here’s the thing, though. A thing that tends to get lost in these debates. This isn’t Aziraphale casually debating the Apocalypse over some tea and scones; this is the first time Aziraphale admits, maybe even accepts, that Heaven and Hell are just sides, after insisting on their inherent good and evil natures the whole book; this is Aziraphale in the wake of having his rose-coloured glasses torn from him, this is him after being forced, after all this time, to tear off his own glasses; this is him angry, and disillusioned, and betrayed, with, at and by both Heaven and himself. Hell, him reproaching the televangelist for taking comfort in the fact that the righteous people could just kick back and watch the show, secure in the knowledge that they’ll be fine, could very well fit a projection of everything he’d let slide, because Heaven would win the war and that was his “idea of a morally acceptable time.” (More on Aziraphale and his possible guilt in a bit.) 

Again, this is not an admission Aziraphale makes lightly, like “awright, I guess it’s not quite like that, but shhhh, it’s our secret ;)”, it’s one he’s forced to face when the only other option is losing everything he holds dear. 

(New thought I got while writing this: this is also the first time he admits that Heaven’s victory isn’t a sure thing, so not only does he abandon the security in his and Heaven’s righteousness, but also in that everything would at least turn out okay.)

What He Found (no, I didn’t watch the movie, this pun is as superficial as NG’s attempt to make Pepper into a person who “believes in peace” for the TV show)

But things turn out pretty alright for him. Not only does he get a happy ending, but in between being discorporated and the attempted fight against Satan, you can kinda see him get his moral compass sorted. If I may quote myself, it goes kinda like this: 

“I’d say it’s why he’s so erratic at the end, and with the whole confidence/insecurity thing. At Heaven’s insistence on bringing about the Apocalypse, that clear collision of beliefs, he has the rug pulled from under him. That certainty comes from the fact that he believes, or can make himself believe, that Heaven and Angels are always right. The moment that’s proven to be untrue? Fuck you, I’m gonna possess people. Oh? You think you’re so righteous, huh? Talking about how you’ll be saved because you’re so Right, huh? Boy, do I have some news for you, you’re not even a decent person, I mean, really? Watching everyone else suffer from up high? (oh, shit, am I on tv?) [also notice that this is the first time, unless I’m forgetting something, that he acknowledges what Crowley’s been saying all along, that there’s no good vs evil, just sides] Fuck that, I’m gonna convince geriatrics to kill the Antichrist. Fuck it, I’m gonna make that guard disappear (…err…ignoring the pangs of guilt, gotta keep going…) Fuck it all, I’m gonna kill that eleven yeaghghgasdfh mayhaps not. But! You! Metatron! You feel so Righteous, huh? So Good? So Correct? So confident in your ability to understand the ineffable plan? Well I don’t, bitch.”

Everyone says that book!Aziraphale is smug and condescending and acts holier-than-thou and they’re right! That’s him! But that confidence comes from believing he literally can’t go wrong. It’s why he changes his mind about Adam: it’s all right and good to be ready to kill (or get someone to kill) a kid when you believe morality is always on your side, not... so much when you realize that everything you do, it’s for you to live with, and there’s no certainty that you were right.

Our last stand

And here’s my last argument for why I don’t think he “accepted” that he was a bastard before, and going back to the promised, if unasked for, topic: his guilt. 

So. The Apocalypse has been averted. Time to go back home with the Enemy, return the favour to the sweet lady who gave him a ride over (and her young man). Suddenly, the smell of something burning. An earthquake. Satan’s coming for Crowley, at least, maybe Adam, too. There are other people at the airbase, though. So, Aziraphale decides to try to fight him, at least give everyone a chance to run. And there’s kindness and compassion in that decision, of course, but when he tries to convince Crowley, he also implies that they owe it to the humans, for messing around with them. He’s guilty. And I have trouble believing that someone who’d die for a bunch of people he’s just met and ask seemingly the only sentient being he has an affective attachment to to join him (which has connotations about both his committed nature and the extent of his guilt) would just... go through life, knowing he was screwing people over and fully accepting it. Knowing it in his heart of hearts but not feeling prepared for the consequences and so looking the other way? Yeah, sure. That’s him. That’s his arc: making the choice to actually look at things, and also face the fact that he’s been making the choice to close his eyes. 

Book!Aziraphale’s faults and bastardy are more obvious than his TV counterpart’s, and maybe even greater, but it’s not because he’s accepted that side of himself or that all Heaven’s ever taught him is pure propaganda, but because he believes that propaganda a lot more (at least, superficially) and so is much more secure in his “good nature”.

*I’ve pointed it put multiple times and I still can’t emphasize it enough: while both of them hesitate, the one who decides not to kill Adam and wait and see while he’s talking to the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, who are supposed to bring it about on his command, is book!Aziraphale.

**In a way, choosing both of them, in contrast to TV!Aziraphale who, by telling no one the truth, chose neither. (He went straight to the manager.)

[eturni]

Day 6 - Sleigh Bells

Day 6 of @drawlight​‘s  advent calendar challenge. https://drawlight.tumblr.com/post/189391982184/drawlight-drawlight-aziraphale-crowley-for Today is Sleigh Bells - featuring a CW for mentions, but no descriptions, of sick kids.

Four months after the world didn’t end a certain angel and demon were still figuring out what it truly meant to be freelance agents on their own side. They’d been spending enough time together, however, that Aziraphale thought nothing of paying the other an impromptu visit at his Mayfair flat.

He stopped at the door with his hand raised to knock, straining to listen as he thought he heard some sort of commotion inside. Something cold and hard settled in his stomach and through his muscles as he considered if hell had come back for the other. Instead the sound resolved itself into something familiar. If not too familiar. A bag of coppers? Cutlery being spilled across a floor? Bells?

He knocked and the sound abruptly stopped. Then, just as abruptly, jangled in a panicked non-rhythm before going entirely quiet again.

When the demon answered the door Aziraphale’s anxiety was mollified to see not a hair out of place. Confusion and a moue of annoyance tugged at Crowley’s lips briefly before he took in the wine in Aziraphale’s hand and his expression smoothed out a little.

“Not like you to come up here. Everything alright?” He asked, moving just far enough aside to let Aziraphale pass, their bodies close enough to catch the heat from the angel as he moved past.

“Absolutely tickety-boo, dear boy. I just thought it would do for me to come here every once in a while. I do appreciate you being in the shop, of course, but I also thought that I should make the effort, as it were, to see you too.”

Crowley blinked and sidled his way around the angel in his usual restless orbit. “Right.” He agreed softly, carefully plucking the bottle from the other’s hands. “Wouldn’t hurt I guess. I like the shop though. Don’t mind coming to you.” He stressed, a little worried despite the assurance that Aziraphale was hoping to start clearing his demonic influence from the shop. Bizarre thought, really. The angel hadn’t fussed much at all in the last 100 years even while he had a decent chance of Crowley being caught physically in the shop.  With no bosses and no sides it wouldn’t make sense to start taking exception to it now.

“Well I see.” Aziraphale smiled down at his hands with something that might have been tender if Crowley could see it and he found the worry loosening its fingers in his chest. “That’s quite… Well, what I mean to say of course is that you’re welcome any time you like.” Aziraphale offered, the faintest rush of blood in his ears making his words seem even quieter than they were.

He cleared his throat, trying to get some distance from the turn the conversation had taken. “I do wonder though… What was that sound earlier? When I first came to the door there was quite the commotion going on.”

Continue on AO3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/21638803/chapters/51757060 or:

“Unh, ng, it’s, ah… I mean nothing much.” Crowley shrugged, moving off into the kitchen to get a couple of glasses and trying not to wilt when Aziraphale followed him. “Nothing you need to worry about.” He hedged, starting to circle again as he poured out the glasses, hoping to take the angel’s attention away from the topic.

“I thought that hell’s forces had come back for you.” Aziraphale muttered almost sullenly. If it was a little bit exaggerated it at least did the job of getting the conversation back in his corner.

“Sounded that bad, huh?” Crowley seemed to consider this. “Supposed to sound right but I might get away with painful and ear splitting. Demonic and all that.”

“Honestly now Crowley, what on earth is going on? You know it’s not my job to thwart you any more. And that… I trust how you sow your wiles.”

Crowley was so taken aback by the sudden change of “Your demonic doing I presume.” about any horrific event that for a moment he didn’t think to lie.

“Actually it’s not… might have got roped into a gig. At St Ormond’s Street. With the Santa stuff. Supposed to ring him in and all that. I mean they’re just bloody bells, how hard could it be?” He glowers towards the Mona Lisa as though she (or whatever was behind her) had personally betrayed him.

The next moment a long leather strap dotted with sleigh bells was in Crowley’s hands and he gave it an accusatory shake. It was obviously supposed to be from a harness to hold reindeer in like and Aziraphale couldn’t help but think that one of the simpler hand held things would have been easier.

“How exactly did you get ‘roped into’ announcing Santa at Great Ormond’s Street?”

“One of the kids saw my eyes. Told him I was one of the elves for kids with bad spelling that sent their list to Satan instead of Santa.” He gave the string of bells another couple of absent shakes. “Kids seemed pretty taken with it so they asked me to join in with the yearly visit. Thought, may as well right? Encourage kids to be good for Satan. Seems about right for whatever it is we do now.”

He looked up expecting an exasperated half-glare or conflicted purse of the lips. He did not expect Aziraphale to be giving him one of those soft looks, the telltale sheen of moisture just at the edges of his eyes.

“And how often do you go there, my dear boy?”

“What? I- every so often I guess? Sick kids, lotta stress. You only ever have to make small things go wrong before the adults start turning on each other.” He snapped back, suddenly back to defending his demonic position even though neither of them were quite one side or the other any longer.

Aziraphale shook his head with a smile that was far too knowing. “So you’re one of Santa’s elves?”

“Satan’s elves. Was thinking about bringing a hell hound instead of a reindeer but I don’t reckon they’d be big on letting me have one on loan again. Now I suggest you stop smiling before I tell them I found a better actual Santa.”

“And see you dressed up making children smile? Was that supposed to be a threat, my dear?”

“Surrounded by sick kids with no miracle budget to do anything about it might be.” Crowley muttered somewhere between threatening and bitter as he sipped at his wine.

Aziraphale decided that he could talk to Crowley later about his experiments with exactly how much divine power he could access. For now there were a few low level miracles he could do for at least low pain Christmases and movements towards recovery. “I see. Very demonic indeed. Stressful time and adding Satan worshipping children into the mix for their responsible adults. I must say, I find that sufficiently evil that I may have to try a small thwarting anyway. You said they may need a Santa?” he asked, eyebrow arched high.

“Angel there’s really no need.” He sighed with a shake of his head.

“Well on the contrary it seems there’s some dark wiles to be thwarted, and some, if I may say, alarmingly attractive elves with less than stellar bell ringing talent. I think it’s something I should see to.” The angel nodded firmly, looking down at his own hands gripping the material of his trousers over his thighs like a lifeline.

Crowley almost choked on his next mouthful of wine and set it aside with a clink that almost made Aziraphale flinch it was so stark in the sudden quiet. “I can ring bells just bloody fine.” Crowley argued, though he sounded as though he’d just had the breath punched out of him.

This was something he could focus on. Not the rest. That was too raw and open and not at all certain.

Aziraphale smiled soft and uncertain from his seat and tried to tell himself that it was fine. What kind of a response did he expect anyway. “We shall only see on the day, I suppose.” He offered with only a little disappointment. It was rather overshadowed by his feelings about how sweet a certain demon could be for those who didn’t fall under his remit of “fair game to tempt”.

[malecsecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, @KaijuusandKryptids!

*****

Just Another Family Dinner

Alec smiled to himself when he stood in front of the mirror. Family dinners were never appealing to any of the Lightwoods, but that was in the past. The Lightwoods finally became the family they were supposed to be. Every sibling, except for Max who was still young, was heading to the dinner with their lovers. It was a beautiful sight, and all the gang was happy because finally they got to be a normal family, well, ignoring the fact that said family dedicated to erase evil and fight demons. Alec’s mouth curved up, he didn’t care if they weren’t normal, all he cared about was that he had all of his beloved ones by his side.

Evil defeated once again, the Lightwood’s decided to make a family dinner on one of the fanciest restaurants in the city. Of course it was Magnus’s suggestion.

Magnus was sitting at the bed, watching his boyfriend getting ready to go to dinner. It was a beautiful sight, and Magnus felt so lucky to be the one who Alec loved. His boyfriend was wearing a stunning black suit. Magnus did know that all men looked so much better in a suit, but hell, Alexander Lightwood was in another whole level.

A well fitted suit and a white shirt beneath it with the first two buttons unbuttoned. was everything Magnus needed to be drooling. He caught Alec’s gaze in the mirror and smiled. Now that he had admired his shadowhunter, Magnus went to the dressing table to apply his make-up. Once he was done he got up and took his boyfriend’s hand in his. It was a beautiful night and they decided they had the time to go to the restaurant like mundanes. Maryse, Robert, Max, Izzy and Simon were already sitting at the table laughing and talking.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.” Magnus said once they took their seats.

“Hi, mom, dad, guys, what are you talking about?” Alec asked.

“We were just guessing what couple would be the last to arrive.” Maryse said.

“We decided to arrive in the mundane way. We had time. And I’m a little offended because I have a perfect timing.” Magnus said.

“Right. Like when you got to the institute just in time to stop Alec’s wedding.” Everyone laughed at that. Even Alec. He really had been so wrong.

“I still remember that movie scene.” Simon said. “That was the day I began with the shipping.”

“Like I said, perfect timing. On the other hand, where are my biscuit and the annoying blond? You weren’t talking about that, am I right? Because I don’t know about you but my guess is that they are doing some reckless stuff.”

“Or naughty.” Izzy said.

Robert and Maryse just closed their eyes. Too much information. They all remembered that time almost two weeks ago when Izzy had found the couple in a very compromising situation. Of course she had to tell everybody. Now every time someone goes to the weapons room accompanied, they get suspicious glances. Jace and Clary appeared by the door and took their seats after saying hello to everyone.

The waiter came and took their orders. It was Magnus’s turn to warn Robert about the ingredients in his plate, he wasn’t going to like them. Robert changed his order, after thanking Magnus for his advice.

The food arrived and so did the drinks, all the family made a toast because once again they had defeated the enemy and were safe and secure with all the people they loved. Everyone was glad they could have a little time of peace for themselves.

The night passed with mockery and laughs and soon all the conversation went to the child memories.

“Yeah, but seriously, you think you have your smart boyfriend and everything, you see him like that and think he has always been like this, what you don’t know is that he was the one who slept in history’s class.” Jace said to Magnus. Magnus snorted.

“Yeah, I might have been asleep a few times, but at least I wasn’t trying to impress the girls.”

“Well, it isn’t my fault that girls found history so attractive.”

“You didn’t exactly were showing of your knowledge, more like your new movements with a sword.”

“Uh, what sword?” Simon asked.

“Simon!” All the Lightwood’s whispered-shouted.

“Hey, relax. I’m joking. ” Simon raised his hands in surrender. “I don’t know what age we are referring to, I guess I was just trying to figure it out if this was the beginning of the...”

“Book club?” Clary complemented. Clary already knew how Jace got his conquests; the book club was full of girls.

“Fun fact,” Max said, joining the conversation. “I really don’t know a person who doesn’t ask ‘do you read?’ to Jace when he mentions that.”

“You traitor! I do read.” Jace said, feigning betrayal.

“That’s a joke that never ends, you have to understand that.” Izzy said, sipping her drink. Jace looked at her with a mischievous smirk, Alec saw that and immediately knew what was about to happen.

“You mean like the joke about your cooking skills?” Sadly, they all had to laugh, including Isabelle.

“You are paying for that, you know that, right?”

“It was worth it.”

“But seriously, who can actually cook in this family?” Asked Magnus.

“I mean, there’s a difference between a person who cooks and one that literally burns everything.” Maryse said.

“Mom!”

“Sorry, dear. Magnus is right, we aren’t chefs but hey, you scared me more than once when you were at the kitchen.”

“Fair enough.” Izzy said.

“I know for a fact that I can’t cook, Maryse is a decent cook as well as Jace, Clary, Simon and Magnus.” Robert said.

“What?” Alec asked.

“Does that count? Magnus literally has magic in his hands.” Clary said.

“Yes, that’s what Alec says all nights.” Jace said, winking.

“Jace!” All the members of the family reprimanded him, except for Magnus and Alec, the latter was busy blushing while Magnus just stood there with an incredulous look. That reckless blond was so going to pay, but that would be for another day.

“Oh, right but when you eat my food I don’t see you guys complaining.”

“We wouldn’t do that but what’s fair is fair.” Simon said.

“I still can’t believe I’m not in that list, though.” Alec said.

“Bro, we are cut from the same cloth, don’t question the Lightwood DNA.” Isabelle said.

“Damn it.”

Magnus put a comforting hand on Alec’s knee. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, you have me by your side, we are never going to die of starvation or poisoning.” Alec chuckled.

Life was good. He had a wonderful family, there was mockery instead of just politeness, and his parents had finally accepted their kid’s partners. Simon, Clary and Magnus were part of the family now, a family that each day seemed to know more mundane stuff. Alec was happy to learn, it seems that the little annoying mundanes weren’t actually annoying and had a lot to offer, and Magnus was just so glad that he could introduce Alec to this culture.

For Max’s disgrace all of his siblings remembered his childhood. He ended up with his hands on his eyes and red ears. Yes, one could be a charming and funny baby but why did all have to remember that time? However, he had seen plenty of photographs. “Clary, have you ever seen a picture with Jace running scared because of a rubber duck that mom was holding?” Everyone, except Jace laughed at that. It was even funnier because Jace had more than 10 years.

“Young man, they are little beasts, and I didn’t know it wasn’t real.”

“By the angel, I knew about that but I didn’t know there was a photo. I need to see it.” Clary said, laughing. “Oh, come on, it’s something I need.” She insisted when Jace just stared at her. Finally, he gave up and started laughing.

Alec smiled and thanked the angel that Max didn’t talk about him and Izzy, they had a lot of embarrassing photos. Why do all moms love to take photos of their children while bathing them? He didn’t get it. But he was glad Max seemed happy with just making fun of Jace.

The night was finally coming to an end. Everyone took their glasses and said cheers. They celebrated being together and being safe.                                                                    All of them went to the Institute, except for Magnus and Alec. They took a portal home and collapsed on the couch.

“Well, the restaurant was fine, right?” Magnus asked.

Alec smiled. His boyfriend was a perfectionist and even more if all the Lightwoods were involved. It has been a while since they accepted him in the family and yet, the warlock was always trying to make everything perfect. “Of course it was. You are perfect.” Magnus just liked a little of reassurance. He knew the family loved him but still, it was very new to have a family like this. It made his heart flutter.

“Are you tired?” Magnus asked.

“Nope.” Alec answered, even if his body was feeling a little heavy. They had planned a movie night just for the two of them and he wasn’t going to miss it. “Come on, let’s see this movie you’ve been talking all week.”

“It wasn’t all week.”

Alec raised one of the eyebrows that Magnus loved so much. And the warlock went to find the movie. When he was done, he came back to the couch and snuggled close to Alec. The shadowhunter’s head rested on Magnus’s shoulder when the movie began. Magnus waved his hand and a cup of hot chocolate appeared in their hands.

A romantic movie. Sappy, funny and, in Alec’s opinion, amazing. He would be damn if he admits to his fellow shadowhunters that he actually liked the movie, but it was just Magnus and yes, by the end of the movie Alec felt light, happy and so lucky. He laughed when Magnus made jokes about calling him by a nickname. All the options were awful. And he asked Magnus if would’ve liked to be courted the way it was made almost fifty years ago. Magnus’s eyes sparkled when he said he thought it was something beautiful. Perhaps Alec could do something like that for him. For example, he never wrote a love letter, could he do it now? Maybe.

“What are you thinking about, sweetheart?” Alec shook his head. “Nothing.” At Magnus’s incredulous expression he continued. “I was thinking that I really liked the movie, and how much I love you.”

“Aren’t you adorable? Attacking me with that sweetness of you, it should be illegal.” Magnus kissed his nose.

“Me? Adorable?”

“Yes, mighty, brave and bold shadowhunters can be adorable, Alexander.”

“All right, but you are adorable too.”

Magnus thought, not for the first time, how lucky he was. If someone had told him ten years ago that a shadowhunter would find him adorable and be his boyfriend he would have laughed and declared them out of their mind, and yet here he was, feeling happier than he ever had. Magnus kissed him slowly. Alec smiled into the kiss, making Magnus smile too. The warlock really enjoyed all the kind of kisses they shared, because behind them there was love. It was Magnus who broke the moment.

“Next time you are picking the restaurant.”

“What? No.”

“You’re telling me that after all this time we’ve been together you didn’t learn anything from me.”

“If I recall, you were the one who just two hours ago was asking if the restaurant was fine.”

Magnus kissed Alec’s lips, silencing him.

“Just a warning: next time we go to the institute I’m so going to find all the pictures of you as a child.”

“You’ve seen plenty of them.”

“I said all of them.”

“I’m almost sure you indeed had seen all, it’s not like we had tons of pictures.”

“It’s for science.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yes. And hey, I don’t know why you are so afraid. We’ve seen the pictures together.”

“I’m glad Max didn’t tell more of the stories behind the pictures.”

“Why? I’m almost sure Clary and Simon already know enough.”

Alec chuckled. “More than they need to. I need to keep the mystery.”

“Shadowhunters.” Magnus said, as if that explained it all. Perhaps it did.

“Shut up, mister ‘I survived the Big Bang’.”

“I’ve never said that. And I am not that old.”

“And yet, you go around telling people that you’re 500, 600, even 800 years.”

“You know what? Once, my shadowhunter boyfriend told me something about ‘mystery’, maybe he was right?” Alec smirked. He loved the teasing. He loved the playful relationship they had. The seriousness they could have. The competitiveness. The laughs. He loved everything. He loved Magnus.

“He is always right.”

“Mm. He is also funny.”

Alec snorted. “He sounds like an awesome guy.”

“Yeah, he is. I’m so lucky.”

“I think he is the lucky one.”

Magnus pecked his lips. Alec barely suppressed a yawn. Magnus laughed.

“Let’s go to bed, darling.”

Magnus got up from the couch and offered his hand to Alec. Alec let himself to be led to the bedroom. Sleep had taken over Alec’s body. He sat on the bed and watched his boyfriend undress. He liked that Magnus didn’t use always his magic. If he had time, he would do things like every other human. Alec’s lips were forming a little smile, from the moment he saw Magnus get dressed for dinner he thought he looked breathtaking. His cobalt suit along with the black shirt had him sneaking glances at him all night. Oh, how much he liked his man in a suit. His man. Every time he said that was as good as the first time, he was so happy that finally he could say that out loud. It was amazing. When Magnus finished he came to see his boyfriend.

“I am the one who’s getting you out of that suit, am I right?”

Alec’s smile told him everything.

He exaggerated his movements, that had the Nephilim smirking. When he was done he helped Alec to climb on the bed and covered them with the sheets. He took his boyfriend in his arms and Alec just snuggled closer to him while humming.

“Good night, Magnus. Love you.”

“Sleep well, darling. Love you too.”

Magnus kissed his temple and smelled his Alexander’s hair. He was finally at home and he knew this life with Alec was his happy place.

[gwidener]

Sometimes, reality happens

There was a conversation I had with my father-in-law years ago where he couldn’t believe I hadn’t spoken to my own father in years. It was just beyond him that we could get to a point where we didn’t care to contact each other. He was completely stunned when I explained I may not even know when my father dies.

It turns out, I would. I got a message late last Thursday night that he had passed away from complications with cancer and its treatment. I did not know how I felt about it then and to be honest I still don’t, but I’m spending some time trying to work through that. Sitting and writing all this out is part of it. Some people say don’t speak ill of the dead; I don’t think it does anyone favors to pretend people like my father were great people.

What do I know? I know I didn’t love him. I know that I resented that he continued to draw breath after my mother died. I know that he let me down continuously from an extremely young age. I know that he was racist and as this came more and more into view, our arguments got more intense until we finally stopped talking at all. I know that he was an alcoholic. I know that he was a Green Beret in the Vietnam War and so, for a time, he was probably very good at murder. I know that I have a lot of complicated feelings about the country that sent him to a pointless war and that probably let him down when he came back from doing what he was asked. I know that when I was a kid, he would pop up when he felt like it, and this made my mom sad.

I have very few photos of him, but one of them is from a trip my mom and I were on with him that I only remember in flashes. The parts I remember of it are the only totally good memories I have of him and it is really telling that they are just moments, that I can’t recall any substance, just driving through the forest and picking up a newspaper from outside our door at one of the hotels we were at. There are a couple other small memories; being in the back of a truck during a small parade in my hometown. Dropping in on him in his workplace (though in retrospect I think this was because my mom knew he would probably be there.) Seeing him outside the old VA hospital (for those of you downriver, it once stood on the land at Outer Drive & Southfield, where the shops at the bottom of the hill are.)

I can tell you vividly the first time I felt really disappointed by him was; it surprised my mom that this was the case, but it wasn’t when he would change plans or not show up when he had said he would, because frankly I already didn’t expect him to, even really young. My mom was at work (my mom was always at work) and I was digging through boxes in the basement; I found a savings account booklet starting a little bit before I was born. You could see little deposits building it up for some time…and then it starts draining. And draining. All the way down to nothing. I asked my mom about it later; they had been planning to save for their hopes for me to eventually attend college. Instead, this paid for drinking binges and keeping us above water after we had left.

There was a huge gap where we didn’t see him, didn’t hear from him, and this was pretty decent. My mother remarried (and THAT guy turned out to be an absolutely awful human being, but I’m not even trying to go down that well right now) and eventually we moved in with his family in a house the next city over. More years pass and eventually, somehow, my mother and my half-sister end up in contact again; it turns out that she owns a small deli nearby, and that my father spends time there. I start spending time there. 

At first, and for a while, stuff is okay. Not great, not awful, but okay. I get a little older and start the tiniest of jobs there, just sweeping and mopping the store up 3 days a week. Our conversations get more pointed, and more heel-digging. This is right around the time I start really paying attention to what we are reading in school, and what is going on when we are talking about US and world historical events; this is important in my development as a person as it makes me question the conservative conspiracist syndicated radio show I’ve been listening to. Probably not coincidentally, it’s also around the time I started listening to punk. So when I am having a conversation with my father and he is seriously trying to argue that the Civil War wasn’t about slavery, I’m an early teenager (somewhere around 14-16?) and I’m already not going to entertain that. I might not have been able to win most of the physical fights I was in as a kid, but I absolutely could argue my ass off.

The small amounts of headway we had started to make, where I could tolerate him, eventually evaporated. His own prejudice brought it out more often in conversations with my half-sister, which brought her from someone I respected as a person who managed to run her own business and then devote a ton of time to her passions to someone I felt very conflicted about when she would throw around the n-word. Eventually, I got into other things in high school and didn’t have time to hang around the deli as much, but out of obligation I would still poke my head in, even for a little bit after graduation. My wife never met my father, but she did hear him trying to yell at me from the background of a phone conversation once when I was there, really early in our relationship.

I actually want to dig into that more. There are certain times when people are going to be more apt to bury hatchets and reconcile. Weddings. New babies. Funerals. Stuff like that. We had not talked for years, but at the time I still at least had my sister from the deli on Facebook. Our other sister had moved down south years before, and she and her family (and our father) all followed together later on. (Down there, she developed her passion for doll-making into a business of its own while raising her kids, something I still respect about her despite everything else.) So I use that connection to get addresses like a decade later when Meg and I are finally getting married. I didn’t have my hopes up, but it made my mom happy that I at least invited my dad and my sisters on that side. 

We don’t hear anything back.

So that’s fine, as I take it; eventually my sister sends a facebook message with some half-ass excuse about how she’s going to be in the area just before or just after and so can’t make another trip and at the time I swallow it down. But not even a card from my father or my other sister. Literally nothing. And I really want to continue to play it off like this didn’t hurt, but it did, because I was dumb enough to let it. So this would be the very last time that would be a possibility.

So life goes on until my mother starts getting very ill a couple short years ago. My sister and her husband begin contacting me on FB; they want to get together next time they’re in the area, they want to talk with me, they hope my mom is well. But you never did until all this started happening? How does that work? My mom needed me more than at any other point, and that is clear, and this is just someone trying to seize on that, wedge themselves in, under the guise of providing comfort to me; but I already surrounded myself with people who actually can help me all the time, not just when it is convenient. Through this all, I might add, still nothing from my father. My mom, who still loved him even when she knew she had to leave him for both our sakes, who tried her very best to still see the best in him even as he let her down time and again, and who would still occasionally ask if I had talked to him, was leaving this world in a very painful process to watch and it wasn’t like my phone number had ever changed. But nothing. 

All this and I can still only say I don’t even know how I feel. Relief, a little, maybe? I’m not glad to say he is gone - for all the arguments, he never raised a hand to me that I can recall, and if he ever did to my mother nobody has ever told me of it. He was clever, if impressionable. He did all that his country asked, and I’m sure he did and saw unspeakable evil in the process. I’m sure that this was a contributor to him developing his own demons from the bottle, but it doesn’t excuse it. So it’s tough because there was a lot there, and yet I’m still somehow not of the opinion that he was always a totally irredeemable person, just that it was not worth the time and effort of my own life that I could put into other mutually supportive relationships instead. I’m sure it makes my sisters sad to lose him, and I feel for them, but not enough to want to talk about it. It didn’t feel genuine when it pulled my sister out of the woodwork when my mom died and it wouldn’t be genuine for me to contact them now all the same, because I don’t share their feelings. I do know that. I don’t think there was anything big left unsaid between us, but the hardest thing to wrap my head around is that I truly can’t ever know.