#he dead & make them dead & the show & body for the pile are some of my favourite songs of theirs

[onetrainscifi]

I don't usually go out of my way to talk about projects from the actors in Snowpiercer but I started listening to Daveed's band clipping. again and if you like industrial music or rap music you should definitely check them out! I'm partial to Visions of Bodies Being Burned and There Existed An Addiction To Blood and those are easily my favourite albums for when I'm driving.

[cake-writes]

Just This Once

Pairing: Kakashi x Female!Reader

Warnings: smut, breeding kink, he gets lost in the sauce frfr, situationship… ish?, this man wants to RUN, disorganised attachment style (primarily avoidant), penis in vagina sex, teasing, edging (accidental), unprotected sex, creampie

Word Count: 5.3k

Summary: Kakashi discovers that he has a breeding kink. It's kind of a spiritual experience.

Inspired by @rookie98writes's fic Leave It On

—

Kakashi isn’t used to the strange sort of domesticity that comes with being in a... whatever this is. It’s not quite a relationship. A situationship, maybe. He’d say it’s something more than friends-with-benefits, but the two of you aren’t really friends, either.  

You come together every now and then. That’s all. Like two passing ships in the night. 

So why is he standing in front of your stove, cooking dinner while you sort through the pile of unopened mail on your kitchen table? Why did he offer to water your plants while you were gone? Why does he want to do anything for you? 

Kakashi knows what it’s like trying to play catch-up after some time away from home—two months, in your case. He’d knocked on your door a few minutes ago with the intention of returning your key, and he must have caught you right after you got back from the store if the two bags of groceries on your kitchen counter were any indication. 

You looked so dead on your feet that Kakashi took over from there, unprompted. But now, as he stirs the pot of flavourful soup simmering away on the stove, his mind sees fit to wander.  

What the hell is he doing?  

He’s getting too attached. That’s what he’s doing.  

It’s that time again—time to cut and run, just as he always does when things start to become complicated. Kakashi makes a habit of ending any potential connection before it can even start, because he can’t afford to lose anyone else. He can’t get hurt if he never lets anyone in. It’s easier that way. 

“I need to schedule my injection,” you mutter to yourself as you read through one particular letter. Then you sigh and toss it back down onto the table, before you lean back in your chair and rub your tired eyes. “We should probably get used to using condoms again until I can book an appointment.” 

Your birth control must be overdue, then.  

“Sure,” Kakashi answers, feigning unbothered. The two of you used condoms in the beginning, but after a particularly gruesome mission that nearly saw him home in a box, Kakashi stopped reaching for the bedside drawer, and you stopped asking him to.  

He should have known then that he was getting too attached. 

Still, it’s your body. Whatever you want. He’ll end things in the morning either way. 

As Kakashi samples a bit of the soup he’s minding on the stove, pausing for a moment to add a bit more salt, it suddenly sinks in – really sinks in – what could happen if the two of you aren’t careful.  

He could get you pregnant. 

A jolt of arousal shoots through him.

Kakashi doesn’t want children, not now, not ever, which is why it doesn’t make a lick of sense that such a thing would turn him on. He likes the idea of his seed taking root inside of you. He might even enjoy it, the imagery his mind conjures—you bent over for him, begging him to give you a baby, your pretty yukata hiked up around your waist…  

His clan crest embroidered on the back of it.  

Kakashi swears.

You startle, looking over at him in alarm. “What happened? Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” he lies. Then he proceeds to play it off like he burned himself, but he isn’t fine. No, that single thought, that single fantasy, scares the complete and utter shit out of him—but it turns him on even more, and that’s so much worse.  

He’s already too attached. 

—

Kakashi doesn’t do feelings. He has them, of course, much like any other person, but he doesn’t let them show very often, and he certainly doesn’t talk about them. He won’t say in so many words that he cares; instead, he shows you through his actions alone. 

His knees brush the underside of your thighs as he settles between your legs, bracing himself with one hand beside your head.  

What a vision you make, spread out for him like this.  

Your lamp had blown when you went to turn it on, leaving the streetlights to illuminate your features in a sickly hue of yellow-green. It isn’t romantic in the least, but he can’t help thinking that you’ve never looked more beautiful than in this moment—maybe because it’s the last time he’ll ever get to see you like this.  

The sight of you, so needy and wanting, fills his chest with something bittersweet.  

The tomoe of his sharingan spins lazily as he memorises the curves of your body, the muss of your hair, the rise and fall of your chest as you work to recover from your first orgasm of the night. His fingers are still tacky with your essence, and he smears the residual wetness over the head of his cock.

“You should wear a condom,” comes your breathy whisper, but you make no move to stop him. Your eyes almost seem to glow as you peer up at him in the dark, worrying your lower lip between your teeth. 

“Mm. Do you want me to?” 

His question hangs heavy in the air. The only things Kakashi can hear are your soft breaths and the sound of his own steady heartbeat, which quickens with every silent second that passes.  

You want to say no, he realises.  

He wants you to say no. 

“I like it better without,” you answer quietly, and the implication isn’t lost on him. Not when you look up at him with those big doe eyes, like you don’t know the risk. 

Because there is a risk, and he knows it. Kakashi hasn’t been able to stop thinking about it all night—wicked thoughts, terrible thoughts—thoughts of filling your fertile womb with his seed, thoughts of watching your belly grow round with his child, thoughts of seeing his clan sigil stamped between your shoulder blades like a mark of ownership. 

His.  

Against his better judgement, Kakashi does exactly what he shouldn’t do. He agrees.

“Just this once.”  

Just like he says every other time—except every other time, there's never been a risk.

Your coy little smile prompts him to lower down onto an arm and settle more of his weight on you. Kakashi dips his head to kiss you indulgently, savouring the taste of you, the feel of you beneath him. He kisses you like he hopes to convey just how much he missed you while you were gone, like you might be able to taste the unspoken words that linger in his mouth. 

He kisses you like he means it—and he does. That’s why he needs to go. 

As his tongue twines with yours, Kakashi fills you in a slow, beautiful glide that wrenches a whimper from your throat. He knows he should go easy on you, but he relishes in the rapid flutter of your walls as you struggle to adjust to him after so much time apart. A surge of masculine pride washes over him, tinged with a hint of guilt for stretching you open like this. He isn’t exactly small, after all, but you take him so well. 

To ease any potential discomfort, he smooths his hand up the silky skin of your thigh in a soothing caress, before he trails gentle, placating kisses along your jawline. “Is this okay?” Kakashi asks, voice low, only to be rewarded with a particularly strong contraction that makes his toes curl. 

“More than okay,” you sigh. 

As a test, he shifts his hips. When Kakashi hears your breath hitch, he knows that you can handle more.  

He starts slow, rocking into you sensually, but he already knows that he isn’t going to last. It’s been just as long for him, and you’re tighter than you’ve ever been.  

“God, Kakashi, you feel so good.”  

So do you. Kakashi sucks a bruise on your neck in response, if only to muffle the sound of his own pleasure when your perfect cunt clenches around him again.  

He needs to pace himself, or he’ll finish too soon—but then you ask him for more, and what else can he do but oblige you?

He speeds up, not overly so, just enough that both of you can hear the slick, sloppy sounds of your lovemaking. The smell of your arousal permeates the air, and he’s tempted to have another taste. 

Later. 

“You’re so wet,” he murmurs into your ear. “Did you miss me that much?” 

Maybe he’s reassurance-seeking – just a little – but your answering whine tells him what he already knows. 

He’ll miss this. He’ll miss you. That’s why he needs to go. 

Kakashi doesn't want to think about that. He just wants to enjoy what little time with you he has left.

“Stay with me,” you rasp. You’ve always been good at noticing when he’s stuck in his head, but right now, Kakashi can’t help but wonder if you’ve just read his thoughts. You see through him so easily. It’s one of the things he likes about you. 

“Sorry,” he says with genuine apology, leaning in to capture your lips again. You let out a pleased hum into his mouth and lift your thighs up a little higher—an offering, one he’s more than happy to accept, even if he doesn’t plan to reciprocate your vulnerability.

It’s selfish, he knows. 

The new angle does something to him, or maybe it’s because he's well aware that it would be even easier to fill you up this way. He reaches deeper like this, and the tilt of your hips would perfectly hold his cum in place, increasing the chances that it’ll take. 

He wants it to take. 

Kakashi exhales a long, shaky breath. He shouldn’t want that as much as he does. He shouldn’t want it at all.  

“Close?”  

Yes, but he’s not going to tell you that. Kakashi pulls back to look at you, only to find you gazing up at him like he’s hung the moon. It makes his heart ache.  

He stamps it down. “I could be,” he teases lightly—a non-answer. “Are you?” 

When you open your mouth to respond, however, he snaps his hips forward suddenly to make you trip over your words. “I—shit,” you swear, and his eyes shine with silent laughter. Your own narrow playfully as you add, “I could be too, if you keep that up.”  

“Really?” 

To pick on you a little, Kakashi withdraws from your tight heat more slowly than he has all night, agonisingly slowly, until only the head of him remains inside; and then he lingers there, purposely, until the stirrings of impatience start to take you over.  

It’s cute, the frown you give him, the pout he sees beginning to form. “Don’t be mean,” you tell him sulkily. 

His lips tug up at the corners, revealing a hint of prominent canine. “Maa, I didn’t realise you were in a rush,” Kakashi drawls. “And here I wanted to take my time with you.”  

Before you can read too much into what he’s just said, he slams home. Hard.

Your startled gasp brings on a flicker of self-satisfaction deep within. Kakashi relishes in the knowledge that only he can make you feel like this—especially when he starts to fuck you in earnest, prompting you to fling your arms around his shoulders.  

“F-Fuck, Kakashi, oh my god—” 

“That’s it,” he encourages gently. “Hold onto me.”

He likes the closeness of it, the intimacy.

You cling to him like your life depends on it, which brings about a funny feeling in his chest that he can’t quite shake—something warm and gooey and affectionate.  

Kakashi stamps that down, too, and traces the line of your neck with his tongue, kissing and sucking at your sensitive skin until you shiver. Seeing your throat so littered with love bites unearths something within him, something primal that he’s always refused to name. He likes seeing the marks he’s left on you. He wants them to mean something.

He wants them to mean that you’re his. 

He’s too attached. 

To distract himself from what he intends to do in the morning, Kakashi picks up the pace, flesh smacking against flesh as he drives his hips into yours, fast and rough, exactly how you want it.  

It won't last long. He’s too worked up. 

Kakashi knows he’ll come before you do if he continues like this, but when he tries to slow down, you dig your heels insistently into his ass. 

“Don’t stop, please don’t stop, please—” 

“I’ll have to pull out soon,” he says raggedly, even though the thought of finishing in you already has him ready to blow.

When Kakashi feels you lock your ankles behind him, he nearly does.  

“I want it inside,” you whine, your breath fanning hot over the shell of his ear.  

His thoughts screech to a halt. You want him to come inside you, knock you up— 

“Fuck,” he curses, stopping abruptly, buried all the way to the hilt. His cock throbs wildly, desperate for release, forcing him to tightly grip the the sheets above your head in order to stave it off. 

If he moves right now, he’s done for.  

When you make a quiet, frustrated sound deep in your throat and wiggle your hips, Kakashi barely manages to hang on. He can feel that tell-tale flutter inside of you, the one that indicates exactly how close you are, but he’s closer. His breaths come out in short, sharp pants as he tries to hold himself together.  

You finish first. Always. 

“Don’t be mean,” you say again, but you sound a little more petulant this time.  

Kakashi lets out an exhausted sort of laugh and presses a wet smack of a kiss against your cheek, making you giggle. “You like it when I’m mean.”  

“I like it when you’re nice,” you clap back, voice breathy. 

Kakashi hums knowingly. “All right. I can be nice.”  

Then he pulls back just enough to pepper your face with kisses, and you squeal in delight, though it soon tapers off into a moan when he starts to trail them down your throat, each one more sensual than the last. He palms one of your breasts, gently squeezing, tweaking a nipple— 

“Come on,” you whine, digging your heels into his ass a second time. 

No more teasing. You want him to be nice.

You inhale sharply when Kakashi picks back up where he left off, this time with quick, shallow thrusts that target your g-spot. He smooths his hand down your side, savouring the softness of your skin, then he slides it in between your bodies to rub your clit in just the way you like—the way he remembers you like, because he’s too fucking attached. And sure enough, when your hips buck from the added sensation, he knows that it’s working for you. 

“If you—If you edge me again, I swear to god—” 

Upon hearing the indignation in your voice, Kakashi laughs softly. “I won’t.” 

Then he remembers that he won’t have a chance to edge you again. Not after tonight. 

His jaw tenses at the reminder. 

“Fuck, I’m so close,” you gasp, holding onto him, needing him, which pulls him right back into the present. “Come with me. Please?” 

Kakashi bites back a groan and slides in deeper, readying to do what his body craves. 

No. He can’t come with you. He’d have to finish inside in order for that to happen. 

And just like that, he’s back to teetering on the edge. The filth his mind conjures nearly proves to be his undoing—a vivid image of your tight, wet cunt wringing out every drop of his cum until it takes, tying you to him, making you need him. Making you his. The threat of it simmers under his skin, but it’s starting to feel more like a guarantee. 

Get her there, then pull out. 

Kakashi repeats those words in his head like a mantra, over and over, like it’ll ensure that he lasts, and it works—at least until you start to move your hips in time with his thrusts. You meet him at the perfect angle, sucking him deep on every stroke, allowing him to slide just beyond your cervix and into that spot that sends your voice into a fever pitch. 

A choked sob escapes you as you rake your nails down his back, leaving red lines in your wake. The sting of it only sends him higher, and he sinks his teeth into the junction of your neck and shoulder to prevent himself from blowing too soon. 

“Right there, Kakashi, right fucking there—” 

Right there, so deep within you that if he came right now— 

He groans when he imagines what would happen, and it all ends with his baby in your belly and his family crest on your back. It shouldn’t turn him on as much as it does, yet he fucks into you with purpose, now—hard, deep, powerful thrusts that knock your headboard into the wall. 

Kakashi knows exactly what that purpose is. The primal part of his brain won’t let him forget it. 

“Yes, just like that, fuck me, make me fucking yours—” 

He kisses you to shut you up, because if he hears another syllable, he’s sure to fill you to the brim. It’s not a gentle kiss, not now. He holds your head in place with a firm grip on your jaw, shoves his tongue into your mouth, and still, he recites his mantra. 

Get her there, then pull out.  

Get her there, then pull out.  

Get her there, then—  

You jerk your head away to gulp in a breath of fresh air, chest heaving from exertion, and Kakashi’s eyes sweep over your face for any sign of discomfort. What he finds is the opposite, and he drinks in the pleasured scrunch of your brows, the hazy flutter of your eyelids, the kiss-swollen state of your lips. 

Watching your muscles tense and strain as you struggle to keep your eyes on his is one of the most intimate things he’s ever experienced. “Come inside me,” you beg, and he can hear the desperation there, see it written all over your pretty face. “I need it, I fucking need it, Kakashi, give me your cum—” 

“I’ll give it to you,” he chokes out. Anything for you. Anything you want. 

The way your fingers wrench into his hair belies a hunger that matches his own as you drag him down for another kiss, messy and insistent, demanding that he make good on his promise to pump you full. He can feel the ripple of your inner walls as you come undone, feel the painfully tight squeeze of your legs around his waist, holding him there, ensuring that he stays; and never in his life has he felt so overwhelmed.  

He can’t pull out. Not now. Not when you’re so willing to milk him dry. 

Kakashi kisses you with everything that he is as he shoves himself impossibly deep inside of you, acting solely on instinct to drown your cervix in hot, sticky spend. He lets out a sound of pure male satisfaction that you eagerly swallow down, your tongue massaging his in tune with every erratic jerk of his hips as he empties himself inside of you, painting your insides white.

It feels good. It feels right. 

He’s too attached. 

He doesn’t care. 

As he comes down from his high, all Kakashi can think about is how fucking risky it is, what he’s just done, which only ruins him more when the post-orgasm clarity finally hits. 

Why the hell did he do that?  

What the hell did he do?

Your thighs tremble and shake, a sign that he’s done his job well, though he feels no pride in it—just a growing sense of panic.  

He needs to go. He needs to go right now. Not tomorrow. Now. He needs to get the hell out of here and never look back, right fucking now.  

Then he hears your quiet sob, and his heart leaps into his throat. Kakashi jerks his head down to look at you, and when he sees the tears rolling down your cheeks, he actually does panic.  

“Did I—Shit,” he quickly pulls out to check on you, more attentive than he’s ever been, “Did I hurt you?” 

It wouldn’t be the first time he’s accidentally hurt a woman during sex, but he really should have taken it easier on you. He probably went too deep, hit your cervix too hard. 

“No,” you sniffle. “I’m fine. I just... I really missed you.” 

Fuck. Don’t say that. You’ll make him want to stay.  

His eyes soften as they trail over your features – the colour of your irises, the slope of your nose, the curve of your lips – and he gently smooths your tears away with the backs of his fingers. “I didn’t hurt you?” 

You shake your head and offer him a watery smile. “I also came really, really hard,” you add matter-of-factly, and he huffs out a relieved laugh. It’s hormonal, then. “They’re happy tears, Kakashi. Calm down.” 

Teasing or not, someone telling him of all people to calm down is an otherworldly experience. The phrase lands strangely, and for the first time since he came to see you tonight, his thoughts quiet down to a dull background murmur. 

They’re happy tears, you said. 

You’re happy with him. 

He’s happy with you, too. He doesn’t want to go. 

You frown, then, and lean up onto your elbows to look at him more closely. “What’s wrong?”  

Kakashi can’t be sure what you see in his expression to warrant that sort of question, but the fight finally leaves him. He sits back on his heels and drags a hand down his face, feeling defeated for a reason he can’t explain.  

“I was just...” Happy, for a moment. Happy to be with you. “Worried,” he finishes lamely. He can’t look at you, not when he feels the heat of a blush creeping up his neck. 

You laugh and gently cup the side of his face, turning him back towards you. “Okay. Well, I’m fine,” you pat his cheek in playful reprimand, “but I am leaking all over my clean sheets, and it’s your fault, so...”  

That draws his attention. When Kakashi sees the creamy mess spilling out of you, his flaccid cock twitches with interest even after he remembers why his stomach is in knots.  

“Sorry,” he says hoarsely, transfixed by the sight. 

He wants to do it again.

He shouldn’t want to do it again. He feels fucking crazy for having done it once already, when the two of you aren’t even in a relationship, let alone in any way prepared for a child. But again? A second time? He’d have to be certifiably insane. 

“It’s fine,” you reassure him, and Kakashi wonders how the hell you can possibly be taking it so in stride. He came a lot. There’s so much of it dripping out onto the sheets that it’s starting to create a small puddle under your ass, and there’s even more inside of you—a lot more, judging by how hard he came. 

It might take. It might seriously take, and you think it’s fine? 

“You’re doing it again,” you tell him, and his eyes snap back up to yours. He’s in his head again, you mean. Then you chew your lip for a moment, hesitation evident, before you ask carefully, “You’ve been acting a little… off tonight. Is everything okay?”  

Every single one of his instincts is telling him to run. That’s where this conversation always leads, but he’s not ready for it. Not yet. Maybe not ever. 

He swallows the lump in his throat. “I’m fine.” 

When you frown at him, skeptical, Kakashi shifts uncomfortably under your gaze.  

“Okay. I won’t pry. But, um, I’m here. You know. If you ever need to talk.” You say it a little awkwardly, like you aren’t sure if he’d be offended by the suggestion, and the worried crease between your brows only grows at whatever you see in his expression. “Or... Or not.” 

You laugh nervously, then, and shift away from him, only to wrinkle your nose when more of his cum oozes out of you.  

It’s cute. You’re cute. 

“You said it’s fine. Why?” The question leaves him before he even thinks it through, but it’s too late, now.  

“What?” 

This wasn’t the first time he’s come inside of you, not by a long shot, but it’s certainly the riskiest. “I finished inside. Aren’t you upset?” 

“What do you mean? You finish inside me all the—” Then you stop, and your brows shoot straight up onto your forehead. “Wait, is this about my birth control?”  

“Well, it’s overdue, isn’t it?”  

You stare at him for a prolonged moment, and he can almost see the gears turning in your head. Then your nostrils flare. “Are you kidding me? You thought my birth control was overdue, and you still—” Scandalised, you slap him on the arm. “Kakashi!” 

Oh. Well. It must not be overdue yet, then. 

Of course you wouldn’t let him come inside if there was a chance that you might conceive. He’s a fucking idiot. 

“That’s so bad! What if you got me pregnant?” 

A lick of heat shoots up his spine upon hearing you give voice to what’s been on his mind all night. Kakashi stares at you, wide eyed, and blushes all the way to the tips of his ears.  

You study his face for a moment, before you purse your lips, looking a little troubled. Or pissed off. He can’t really tell. “I mean... Did you want to get me pregnant?” 

“No,” he rushes to say, his cheeks burning hot because yes, he did, but not for real.  “No. Not at all. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking, and...”  

And how the hell is he supposed to explain himself? Neither of you are exactly vanilla, you’ve explored a number of kinks together, but this is something else entirely. Then again, a breeding kink would make the most sense out of any, considering it stems from a biological urge to procreate. 

But would you even believe him if he said he only gets off to the fantasy of it, and not the reality? Because if a woman ever said that to him, he’d get the hell out of dodge as fast as he could. 

A sly smile tugs at your lips, then, a knowing smile, and Kakashi quickly averts his eyes to the window, embarrassed. 

“You like it, don’t you?” you hum, seductively walking your fingers along his bare shoulders. “You like the idea of knocking me up.” 

Refusing to look at you, Kakashi clears his throat, trying to ignore the arousal that comes on from your suggestive tone. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“No?” The sheets rustle as you reposition yourself, and then, when your fingers delicately wrap around his cock, he inhales sharply and bites the inside of his cheek. “Then why are you so hard?”  

And he is, too. He’s already fully erect and ready for another round, and he knows that there’s no way to lie his way out of it anymore. As you start to work your hand over him in slow, sensual strokes, up and down, coaxing the answer out of him, his head drops back. “Because,” he rasps.  

The sheets shift again, and then you crawl into his lap. He welcomes you gladly, splaying his hand over your lower back to steady you, though he still can’t meet your gaze. He’s too embarrassed. 

“Because why?” you hum. Kakashi lets out a pleasured sigh as you kiss and suck your way up the side of his neck, stroking him steadily, before you purr into his ear, “Because you want to give me a baby?” 

A soft sound of approval rips out of his throat, and his cock twitches into your palm. “Don’t—Don’t say that,” he pleads. 

“Hm? Why not?” 

To hell with it. No sense in hiding it anymore. “Because I might actually do it.” 

“Yeah?” Your teeth tug playfully at his earlobe before you pull back to look at him, and Kakashi finally wills himself to meet your sultry gaze, humiliated though he is. “You know,” you muse, “I don’t like condoms for a reason. I wonder why?” 

The breath leaves his lungs with a whoosh.

Oh, he should have known. You’re just as filthy as he is. Of course you’d have a breeding kink, too, though he’s exceedingly grateful that you’d kept it to yourself until now. You’ve never been shy about sharing the things you enjoy, which means you probably figured out how he’d react. That’s the only explanation. 

He likes that you understand him as well as you do. 

He likes you.

“I think I might be able to guess,” Kakashi says knowingly, a smile playing at his lips. When he leans in to kiss you again, all he can think is: maybe it’s not a bad thing to be too attached. 

-

Snippet #1:

“You said it was overdue,” Kakashi tells you pointedly.

“No, I said I needed to make an appointment,” you correct, and he can see that you’re struggling not to laugh. “I still have, like, a week left on it. Ish. It doesn’t hurt to be careful.” 

While you cook breakfast for the two of you, Kakashi wraps his arms around your waist from behind and traces the shell of your ear with his tongue.  “What if I don’t want to be careful?”  

He feels the shiver wrack your body, but then you do laugh at him. “Down, boy. Three rounds wasn’t enough for you?” 

“Oh, I don’t know...” Kakashi pulls you back against him, allowing you to feel the answer for yourself, hard and insistent against your ass. “You tell me.” 

-

Snippet #2:

Kakashi hides his face in your pillow, feeling distinctly vulnerable without his mask. “Don’t tease me,” he groans, muffled. “I have a delicate constitution.” 

You cackle at his discomfort, like the cruel woman you are. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But I’m really, really curious.” Then you hum thoughtfully. “Do you want to know one of mine?” 

He lifts his head just enough to reveal one curious eye. 

You squirm a little, then, like you’re finally starting to realise exactly how embarrassing it is to talk about. “I, um...” A pause. “So, you know how...” Another pause, and you take a deep breath. “Okay. I like to imagine that I'm being used to—to repopulate a clan, I guess. Just, over and over. Lots of kids. But not for real.” 

He feels another jolt of arousal at your admission. 

Looks like you’re on the same page, then. 

Then Kakashi leans up onto his elbow to regard you properly, and then he lifts an eyebrow, as if to point out how closely that particular fantasy hits to home. 

That’s when you seem to realise who you’re talking to – the sole remaining member of a clan that could probably stand to be repopulated – and your eyes go wide, before you nearly trip over yourself to add, “It—It has nothing to do with your clan, specifically, Kakashi, it’s just—” 

“A fantasy,” he finishes for you, amused. 

 You worry your lip between your teeth and nod. 

“Well,” Kakashi says, considering his answer for a moment, “I might have imagined that, too. Specifically.” Then he gives you a roguish grin, intending to pay you back in kind for your teasing. “How many children do you think would be enough for my clan to be sufficiently repopulated, hm? I’m thinking eight.” 

Mortified, you bury your face in your hands. “Oh my god! Eight?” 

Payback’s a bitch. “Well, I was originally going to say ten, but—” 

When you squeal in embarrassment and yank the blankets over your head, Kakashi barely manages to stifle a laugh.  

—

A/N: This is the first thing I've posted in a hot minute, so your feedback would mean a lot - please let me know what you think :)

[holly-opal]

Smg4 Mr. Puzzles x reader fanfiction

Mr. Puzzles adjusted his bowtie and went on stage, he snatched the microphone and waved to the audience. "Hello everyone! Welcome to tonight's amazing gameshow!" The audience was dead quiet. Mr. Puzzles pulled out a gun and shot the air. Everyone started clapping and cheering for him. He cleared his voice. "In today's show, six contestants will play intense games in order to win 2193864928363982937749384747 million dollars! Plus, win a giant plate of spaghetti!" The crowd cheered and clapped as the contestants walked on stage; Smg4, Smg3, Mario, Luigi, Meggy, and [Y/N]. "My my! I gotta say, you all look dashing tonight. Especially you, [Y/N]~" Mr. Puzzles said, winking at them. They blushed and looked away, very flattered. Mr. Puzzles clapped his hands and the room went dark, and when the lights went back on, there was an obstacle course where it required you to climb on a wall, walk on lava, jump around the spinning sticks, escape the knuckles, etc. Mr. Puzzles blew his horn and the contestants went straight into action.... Except for Mario but who cares.

As they made it to the lava course, they found it difficult to navigate the hot lava. Mario ended up throwing his brother in it and jumped on him, all while he screamed in pain. [Y/N] tried to hop on the tiny rocks, sweating profusely as they tried their hardest to balance themselves. Mr. Puzzles noticed [Y/N] struggling and snapped his fingers, and big rocks rose up from the lava, making a straight path for them to cross. As they made it across, 4 actually tried to hop on the path as well..... It disappeared and he burned to death lmao.

The four contestants now had to jump over the spinning sticks and make it across. They kept getting knocked over by the sticks and [Y/N] kept getting hit by some of them. Mr. Puzzles didn't like that so he snapped his fingers. When one of the sticks was about to hit [Y/N], it fazed through them and did not even leave a scratch. "What the fu-" 3 said before getting bitch slapped off the platform. Now they were in the final obstacle, the knuckles. They chased the contestants around, wanting to bite their pingas. Meggy started punching all of them out of her way and Mario was straight up getting his body eaten by the knuckles, Meggy grabbed his head and started carrying him out. The knuckles cornered [Y/N], growling and foaming at the mouth, [Y/N] was shaking in fear. Mr. Puzzles snapped his fingers and the knuckles were suddenly very nice to [Y/N] cuddling with them and wanting head pats. Finally, Meggy and Mario made it to the finish line together, they both collapsed to the floor exhausted. [Y/N] calmly walked into the finish line with a knuckles in their arms. Mr. Puzzles got on stage again. "And we have a winnnerrrrrr!! Congratulations [Y/N], you won 2193864928363982937749384747 million dollars! Meggy and Mario both yelled "WHAT?!" in unison. [Y/N] was very confused, seeing as they were the last ones to cross the finish line.

"What the hell?! But me and Meggy crossed the finish line, you unfair ass!" Mario protested. Mr. Puzzles ignored the two and took [Y/N]'s hand, he pressed his screen against it, kissing their hand. [Y/N] blushed at the gesture before getting drowned by the huge amounts of money. Mr. Puzzles said goodnight to the audience and the show stopped..............

[Y/N] crawled out of the money pile and saw that the entire place was dark and empty. Did they leave without them? They looked around for a bit and saw a shadow dragging the bodies of Meggy and Mario. [Y/N] followed them into a closet. The closet has dozens upon dozens of TV's. Some were old while some with very new, they were also extremely broken. [Y/N] noticed that there was piles of DVDs with media such as "Mario's Mysteries", "Once upon an Smg4", and "Scooby Mario". [Y/N] felt someone cover their mouth and wrap their arm around their waist. They screamed and struggled. "Oh don't be afraid, darling. I won't hurt you. I would never hurt you." Mr. Puzzles said. He let go of [Y/N] and they started to walk back in fear. Mr. Puzzles had the same smile he always had, but they could tell that he was angry. Mr. Puzzles walked towards them until [Y/N] hit the desk, he looked menacing to them. His tall figure didn't help much. The stress got to them and [Y/N] started to cry, Mr. Puzzles kneeled down and put his hands on their face.

"Don't cry, sweetheart. You look hideous when you cry. Everything will be alright. I just need to rearrange a few things." And with that, Mr. Puzzles snapped his fingers and the screen glitched out. A 'please stand by" card appeared for about five minutes before cutting back to Mr. Puzzles and [Y/N] in bed together. The sun was rising outside, creating a romantic atmosphere for the two lovers. They were both in their pajamas, Mr. Puzzles was spooning [Y/N] and caressing their face. Mr. Puzzles held them close to his chest, it was as if he was afraid to let go of them. "You'll never leave me, right?" He asked. [Y/N] turned around to face Puzzles and put a hand on the side of his TV thingy and kissed him. [Y/N] shook their head, assuring Puzzles that you won't leave him. Ever. Puzzles smiled and they both continued cuddling.

"Mine. You're all mine. And you'll never leave." Puzzles said. [Y/N] smiled and nodded.

Da end.

[selineram3421]

*has a little idea* I've gotta listen to brain commands.

First Day

Alastor and Child Reader

Warning! ⚠

⚠ implied murder, mention of kidnapping, mention of heart attack, shake of head=no, fake crying lol, italic red=Alastor's thoughts ⚠

Alastor didn't understand why some demons worried over the little children that ran amuck in Hell.

That is until he adopted one himself.

Small, wide eyed, and frail looking. Of course he'd worry after a glance. But after seeing the pile of dead bodies beneath their feet, it seemed like there wasn't too much to worry about.

So all he had to do was teach them how to make others fear them. Especially after the whole kidnapping fiasco with Valentino.

And what better timing than their first day of school.

.

You were playing around in the hotel.

Most of it was following Husk around and scaring the other hotel guests. But then Charlie told Alastor the number of complaints from guests about you and your pranks.

"They are absolutely harmless! What's a little scare going to do?", the deer demon said.

"Someone had a heart attack.", Vaggie piped in.

"Nuh-uh!", you popped up out of nowhere, making the two females jump in surprise. "That frog demon croaked! He's just mad that I made him make a funny sound."

The blonde sighs before holding out a flyer to the red dressed demon.

"Look, I know you're just having fun but not all demons think its funny.", she tells you before looking at Alastor. "There's a school for demon children not too far from the hotel, maybe they can meet demons their age and make friends?"

After dinner you and Alastor sat down on the couch in the hotel room and read through the flyer.

"I don't want to go.", you pouted.

"Don't worry my little terror, we'll think of something.", he booped your nose. "Perhaps we can use this as training!"

"Training?", you repeated.

"Yes! We'll use this as an opportunity!", Alastor said as he stood from the couch, turning to hold out a hand for you to take. "Come little one, there's much I have to teach you."

.

"Remember what I taught you little one!", Alastor says, fixing their coat. "Anything can be a weapon..."

"With enough force and creativity!", they said confidently.

"Correct!", his smile brightened. "Now, let's go show the ladies that you are a proper demon with manners so they feel bad for sending you out. Remember to look sad."

"Hmhmm!", the nod again before taking a deep breath, putting on their sad face and looking down at the floor.

"Perfect.", he approved before leading them by the hand down to the lobby.

Both of the girls were waiting by the entrance doors to say their goodbyes to the little demon.

"We are ready!", Alastor announces.

"Hey! We got them a-", Charlie starts before noticing the little demon's sad face. "..lunch box."

Vaggie squints at them but doesn't say anything.

Though the Radio Demon can see that his little one's sad face is affecting her as well, the moth demon clenching her fists.

"Now, what do we say mon petit?", the deer demon pats their back.

"I'm..", they say but don't look up yet. "I'm sorry for being bad and I'll go to school so..", finally they look up at the girls with little tears starting to well up. "Please don't be mad anymore."

Charlie is obviously affected the most and looks over at her partner, receiving a shake of the head from the white haired demon in response.

The princess takes a breath before handing over the lunch box to the little demon. "Its only for a little bit, alright?"

"Ok..", they say, still keeping up with the act before turning to face him. "Bye Alastor."

"It won't be for long, don't worry.", he 'reassures' them. "I'll pick you up when school is out."

They nod before hugging his side.

He pats them on the head before waving them goodbye as they walk out of the hotel and to the school bus.

Bidding the ladies adieu, Alastor lets his smile widen after turning away from the two, wondering how his little demon will cause chaos.

I can't wait to hear all about it~

*wipes away tears after typing out the fake crying* I was that child huh.

~Seline, the person.

Part 2

Taglist@

@willowaudreykeyes @kiraisastay @c4rved-pumpk1n @stolas-thebirb @scary-noodlesblog @naelys-the-aster @ducky-died-inside @biromanticboba @+?

ML for Alastor🎙

[optimist-pine]

Dream

Summary: in which Daryl discovers something about his heart

Warnings: Typical TWD content

Word Count: 1,021

Era: Season 4, the Claimers

A/n: The most selfish thing I've ever written - but also my favorite <3

Wooden boards creak beneath the soles of his boots as he climbs the stairs of the cozy cottage. Beside the front door, using the wall as a brace, he toes off mud-caked shoes, adding them to the pile of others, all smaller than his own. Dried clumps of dirt scatter about, some falling through gaps in the porch to join the barren ground below. The lanky old tomcat abandons sunbathing to rub lazily against his pantleg with a purr, and Daryl appeases him with a good scritch under the chin.

The screen door is unlocked as always, and as he crosses the threshold into the home his heart settles into a comfortable lull. A breeze flows in through open windows, ruffling faded curtains and artwork made by tiny hands taped to walls; fluttering the pages of a book laying open and knocking over pieces of a board game strewn about the floor. It fills the space with the gentle sounds and smells of early summer. Blooming flowers and birdsong.

He sets his kill down as he passes through a kitchen that bears the remains of freshly baked muffins, few left intact in an abundance of crumbs. Out of a cooling teapot wafts a pleasant blend of lavender, cinnamon, orange, and clove.

He pauses for a moment before the back door, listening as laughter and high-pitched squeals echo just beyond it. Then, pushing his way to the other side, his heart leaps. He's barely taken a step when he's bombarded.

"Daddy!" Voices shout as a tangle of little arms entrap him, tiny bodies clinging to his legs and stepping on his toes. A baby's happy shrieks add to the clamor of giggles as he ruffles sun-warmed heads, attempting to tug his feet forward.

But then they get him down and he lands with an 'oomph' in the soft grass, sharp elbows and knees clambering across him like he's a new piece of playground equipment to explore. The dog's licking his face, and the baby's hands clap excitedly and now everyone's laughing.

"Woah woah woah, time out." And there you are. You lean over the chaos with a grin, the sun framing your silhouette as tree branches sway behind you. You smell like spearmint and lily of the valley, cheeks pink from working the garden, and as your hand comes to rest on the slight bump of your belly he knows he's never seen a more beautiful sight.

"Did ya leave somethin' dead on my table again, mister?" You question, hands moving to your hips in an attempt to be stern.

There's no getting away with denying it, so he'll plead his case instead. "Ain'tcha gonna help me out 'ere?" He asks, reaching a hand up to you.

You ignore it with a shake of your head. "Guilty men must pay for their crimes." With a sharp nod, you turn to the children. "Show 'im his punishment." You instruct, bare feet making way to gather up the baby who's beginning to feel left out.

Those itty-bitty fingers are too good at finding every secretly ticklish spot, and he can only hold out for so long before he has to wriggle away from their assault.

On his feet again, he reaches out and spins you toward himself breathless and spirited. "Guess if 'm already a criminal I migh' as well steal'a kiss." He says, moving his hand to cradle your bump and the little one growing inside.

"Might as well, huh?" You repeat, the smile on your face so radiant that when your lips touch an overwhelming contentment courses through him. A soft, pudgy palm lands on his cheek and the two of you pull apart to the wide eyes and dulcet coos of the baby. He cups his other hand around the little head, placing a tender kiss on top.

The little rascals waste no time returning to their ruckus, tugging at him to follow. "Daddy, c'mon! We gotta show you somethin'!"

"Yeah! C'mon, Daddy!" The voice cries.

But he's stuck in place, unable to move as everything begins to fade away.

... No... Daryl can feel consciousness pulling at him, roughly dragging him into a new day. He begs his mind to stay; to linger. He never wants to leave this moment, a memory of something that never happened - that would never happen. But he can't stop it and he wakes on the cold cement, eyes opening only to focus on the bloodied floor where a man took his last breath a few hours ago.

He knows now. He can't stay with these people. The desperate ache in his chest reminds him of everything he'll lose if he gives up now. Even if all he loses is a dream. It would be too much.

That night, ready to make his move and depart from the men while they're distracted, he hesitates, just for a second, his heart dropping suddenly into his stomach. It's Rick, and Michonne, and... you. Sitting on a log right there, so close, face illuminated in the flickering firelight. Even in the darkness, he can see the swell of your abdomen holding his future - your future.

Your eyes find him at the same time that the barrel of a gun is aimed at your head. He's never felt a fury like he does now, all-devouring and consuming...

When it's over, you pull him close, burying your face into him like you can hide away in the folds of his clothes and the beat of his heart. His arms wrap around you so tightly, and oh - how he wishes he could keep you right here, where he knows you'll both be safe and protected. But he can't.

You pull away slightly, just enough to whisper, "We're okay. We're gonna be okay."

He nods, one hand on your belly and the other bringing your head back to his chest. Just for one more moment. He desperately wants to tell you his dream. To tell you that he believes that too. But he settles for, "I love you."

Your voice echoes back, clear and true, "I love you too."

[backmuscles21]

Masterlist

Warnings in the respective stories – Dead Dove Do Not Eat

Last Edited: 08/21/24

Avatar

Tonowari x Reader x Ronal

Finally Found You - X

Summary: Jake and Tonowari find your body washed up on the shore, it's a forest Na'vi's body. Once Jake sees your face, he remembers you and it scares him. You were blue but you never had a Na'vi body. Ronal nurses you back to health and Tonowari shows you around. You told Jake about all of Ardmore's plans and what had happened, only you didn't know how you ended up on the Metkayina shore beaten to a pulp. Tonowari and Ronal end up falling for you, and once you mate with them, you'll do anything to protect your family, even kill again. (Smut)

Going For a Swim - X

Summary: You came to help Jake's daughter, Kiri. The Metkayina people noticed you were the only human without an oxygen mask. They would soon find out from some kids playing around with water what was truly up with you. Tonowari noticed you staring and once he knew you were special, he told his mate and they couldn't resist your fish-like persona. They fell in love more when you saved their daughter from the sky people.

Eywa Has Her Reasonings - X

Summary: You're Jake and Neytiri's eldest child, even in the forest it was hard to find a mate. Coming with your family to the Metkayina people was the best decision ever made. It would be here that you found not one but two mates and they plagued your mind until they asked you to mate with them. (Smut)

Curls - X

Summary: A short little fic about your mates finding out about your curly hair and Ronal braiding it in traditional Metkayina fashion. Thought of this while oiling my own hair.

Too Much - X

Summary: You have just come back from a hunting trip and you're exhausted. Your mates knew exactly how to cheer you up but you were just too exhausted. (Smut)

Let Them Stay -  X

Summary: You would've never thought that you'd see more Omatikaya on the shores of the reef, but before you stood Jake and his family. They sought refuge from your mates, you assured your mates about him. Now, you and Jake talk about how you disappeared and what had been going on before you were taken hostage by the one person you told Jake to protect you from.

Punishment - X

Summary: I think the title speaks volumes. Tonowari gets angry at you for getting hurt and so he punishes you for it and Ronal happens upon you two. (Smut)

Eywa’s Will - X

Summary: You were passed out on the shore when they found you, now they found out you were to be their new mate. It's all Eywa's will, this was supposed to teach them to be better people. (Smut)

I Was Scared - X

Summary: If you know me you know we have to have our obligatory eating disorder fic. If you know me you know I need to work on my crippling ED by writing about it.

Tsaheylu - X

Summary: You wanted to mate with the two people meant for you, of course, first, you had to ask permission from your parents, Jake and Neytiri. When you don't and it just piles more lies on top of each other it's only going to make things worse and now you have to answer for yourself. (Smut)

Can I Stay? - X

Summary: You have a Ph.D. in Psychology, which comes in handy for helping out Jake's daughter, Kiri. It also helps you find the two people that would mean most to you in your life. It just took some convincing eye contact for them to never want to get rid of you. (Smut)

The Big Visit - X

Summary: Tonowari and Ronal go to visit their third mate, who is with the Omaticaya people. However, when they come down to visit, they find out you're sick. Coincidently, this is the first time they will see your human body.

Lo’ak x Reader x Tsireya

First To Kiss Her, Wins -  X

Summary: You and Lo'ak mated and went to the Metkayina people with his family. There you saw the most beautiful girl, and both of you agreed and knew you needed to have her, together. (Smut)

Tsu’tey

Where Is She? - x

Summary: You didn't get a chance to leave with Jake when they left Hell's Gate, Quaritch ensured that you'd be stuck in his room not that glass cell. Jake led the clan to victory, Tsu'tey still wondered where you were and if you were okay. When they raid Hell's Gate for supplies, they'll find out if you really are okay or not. This is fucked up, so be ready for that. (a little bit of Quaritch x Reader)

What Is True Love? - X

Summary: You hated your father for forcing you into the Avatar Program, you resented him so much you didn't see anything but the hatred for him. Blindsided by hating him, you didn't realize he'd find other ways to control you. However, it led you to the best part of your life, regardless of all the bumps it took to live a long happy life. (Smut) (Brief Quaritch x Reader)

Watching You - X

Summary: He loves you, but he doesn't know if you like him back. When he sees you sneaking off, he just wants to ensure your safety. He comes across something that would hurt him way more than it would hurt you.

Past Lives - X

Summary: You are now full Na'vi and mated with the best warrior around, Tsu'tey. However, going out with Jake's kids could put that into jeopardy when someone from your past comes back to make you confront it. (Past Quaritch x Reader)

Recoms (Poly)

Problems - X

Summary: You scared the recoms when the few times you had rough sex with them recently, you had some medical problems causing you to need to be brought to the infirmary. Once everything was better, the recoms did not like the new set amount of times you could have sex. - Mostly Quaritch at the end. (Smut)

You’re Supposed To Be Ours - X

Summary: You are an RDA chemist, you have caught the eyes of all the recoms. They can be a little possessive. So, when they see you talking with someone else, they need to teach you your place and where you belong. (Smut)

Moments With You - X

Summary: Some of your favourite fluffy moments with your recom lovers.

As Long As You Can Share - X

Summary: You're the only recom doctor, once you met your patients you knew you were in for it. You wanted all of them, it just took one bold soldier for you to not be able to hold back. All the recoms had to share you and they were okay with that, even more okay with it when you told them what you ultimately wanted which they knew one day, they'd give you. (Smut)

We Want You - X

Summary: You're the only doctor set aside for the recom soldiers, as you start to work with them, they fall in love. Now they want you in on their secret arrangement. More of how things started, or how I'd imagine they'd start.

Rebirth - X

Summary: Being reborn in a Na'vi body allows you to be with your lovers again, but then you have to watch them leave you all over again. (Smut)

In The Open - X

Summary: Literally a few small blurbs of the different times your lovers have caught you being fucked by your other lovers. (Smut)

Ao’nung

Redemption Process - X

Summary: Ao'nung comes up with the best idea, but it turns out it really isn't. He is now paying for his mistake; he has to repent for the pain and suffering he has caused you. Especially when step one is talking to your parents. This is fucked up so be ready.

Lyle Wainfleet

Nighttime Visits - X

Summary: You and Lyle are now recom soldiers, the problem is, you aren't supposed to be together. Doesn't keep you apart for long, you and him still find ways to sneak around. (Smut)

I’m Right Here - X

Summary: Waking up as a recom wasn't the hardest thing you'd be doing that day. I did a little extra bonus for this boy; I had an idea but she was short. She's at the end. (Smut)

Zdog

Dead To Me - X

Summary: You couldn't be happier with your girlfriend; you never wanted to be apart from her, but then you had a choice: fight for the humans or the Na'vi.

Neteyam x Reader x Ao’nung

Proposition - X

Part 2 - X

Summary: Neteyam comes with his family to the reef people, there he finds you. You are the prettiest thing he's ever seen, but you're already mated to the boy that he and his siblings can't stand. However, it works out in the end as Ao'nung decides to play along a little. (Smut)

[thelov3lybookworm]

Remember Me? (Part four)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Summary: Under the Mountain, Y/n met the High Lord of the Night Court, Rhysand. She was scared of him, but soon she found out that he wasn't who he pretended to be. Despite her efforts at not falling in love with him, she fails. It's not that bad as he loves her back.

But now he's gone, and she's left alone with nothing.

Except for a very adorable reminder of him.

•○●⛦●○•

Tw: secret pregnancy, none more that I can think of, so let me know if I need to add anything.

A/n: very small chapter, but I felt like adding more to this part would not be good, so I'll try my best to write the next chapter quickly. Though I will not make any promises as my exams start from Wednesday, and I need to study for them.

•○🌑○•

Y/n glared at the redhead at her doorway.

She wanted to tell him to leave, but she couldn't turn him away now that her son had seen the visitor.

Eris smiled at Fin, stepping closer to the threshold, and Y/n almost slammed the door in his face in a panic that gripped her. Eris's eyes flew to her, and he raised his hands. He gave her a look that said no harm intended.

She hesitantly inched the door open, wondering about what his motives might be in visiting them, especially in the dead of the night. It also didn't help that her son was so eager about a stranger.

She'll have to have a chat with him.

But for now, she let Eris in.

He stepped in, nodding at her before again turning to Fin, grinning.

"It's good seeing you again."

Due to the heavy rain outside, Eris was dripping wet, droplets of water cascading down his body and dropping everywhere from his soaked clothes. And she wouldn't clean it, especially when the person making the mess wasn't welcome.

"I hope you realise you are making a mess. You will be cleaning it."

Eris blinked at her as she shut the door and turned to him, her arms crossed across her chest. "You're talking to me?"

"I don't see anyone else I could be talking to. You are soaked and dripping water everywhere. I will not be cleaning it."

"Oh, alright."

And despite everything, she watched intently as his clothes dried up, his body glowing lightly. Even the small puddle that he had created on the floor hissed and vanished, as if it never existed.

Fin gasped, staring wide eyed at the display of magic. "How did you do that?!"

"It's my magic, young one."

"Really?" Fin stared at the Autumn Court's High Lord in wonder.

"Really." Eris smiled.

"What else can you do?"

"Hmm. I have fire magic, so I can do anything related to it."

Fin giggled, grabbing Eris's hand and tugging him into the living room.

Y/n sighed. She really did need to talk to her son.

She could do that later. At the moment, she decided to follow them. But after she made some tea. It was late, and she could feel a headache coming.

By the time the tea had brewed and she poured it into two cups, Eris had made himself at home on her couch. He was leaning back, nodding along as Fin showed him his toys.

Eris glanced back, realising Y/n was back. He straightened, still nodding along to Fin, but now looking at her.

She set a cup down in front of him, leaning against the doorframe leading towards the staircase that led to their bedroom.

She just watched as Fin and Eris played, Fin mostly running to his toys box, bringing out a new toy, handing it to Eris, and then running back to get something new.

Within a few moments, there was a pile of toys next to Eris on the couch, and never once did he stop paying attention to the little child speaking enthusiastically. He didn't seem to notice anything other than Fin.

Which was cute.

Y/n didn't know where that thought came from, but it did.

•○🌑○•

Y/n sighed. It had almost been an hour since Eris had arrived, and Fin showed no signs of stopping.

Eris had, at some point, begun to make figurines out of his fire magic, making little animals float above his hands before making them run through the air around a giggling and squealing Fin.

By midnight, Y/n's restrain snapped.

"Finnian. Its time for bed. Come on, let's go."

Fin looked up with placating eyes. "Please mama. Just a few more–"

"You better get back to the bedroom young man, before I yell at you. We both know we don't want that." She said, gentle but stern.

His eyes filed with tears and he dropped the toy he was holding in his hand into the box. After that, he simply waddled away.

Y/n watched his every move until he disappeared upstairs, guilt gnawing at her heart. She sighed before turning back to her unwanted guest.

He sat there looking extremely uncomfortable. He sat at attention when her eyes met his, looking ready to bolt.

She walked closer, her arms folded across her chest. He stood up quickly when she entered his personal space.

"Eris." She regarded him coldly. "I don't know what you want with me or my son. I don't know why you are so interested in our lives. But I do know that I will not be tolerating your bullshit until you give me a good reason not to gut you like a fish. You hear me?"

He nodded, opening his mouth. She didn't give him a chance.

"Good. Now get out. And don't show your face until you have a good reason."

She made to turn away, but Eris interrupted her.

"I can't leave. Have you seen the rain outside? I'll catch a cold. And where will I go–"

"There's plenty of places where you can crash for the night. For instance, an Inn in Velaris could surely accommodate you. And as for you being wet, you can perform your little party trick to dry up."

"Come on, it's just for one night! I'll leave in the morning. Please, he would want me to stay."

Y/n sighed deeply. "Eris. Get. Out. If you are so desperate to spend time with my son, then you can come back later. For now, I not letting a practical stranger live under the same roof as my son."

The two of them had a staring competition for a few moments before he caved.

"Fine." He turned away, walking out of the door. She slammed it shut the moment he stepped fully over the threshold.

She leaned back against the door, staring up at the ceiling. Tears of frustration pricked at her eyes.

Why was it always her?

It wasn't fair, her life being filled with hardships.

First she got pregnant with the child of a male she thought loved her, then she had to run away from home when she found out she was with child. She had to live in a cottage all alone, never stepping outside for fear that her father would be waiting to capture her. She raised her son all by herself, knowing nothing about how to care for a baby.

And now, she had run into the father of her child, who wanted nothing to do with her, had no hand in raising the child, but still thought he was entitled to him.

And a practical stranger was so invested in her and her son's life that he was showing up to their door in the middle of the night.

Life was just great.

She let out a frustrated breath before retreating to her bedroom, where she found Fin lying down, facing away from the door. If she hadn't been paying attention, she would have thought that he was asleep.

But he wasn't. She could hear faint sniffling sounds coming from him, and her heart broke in her chest.

She hadn't yelled at him by any means, but she knew she still hurt his feelings.

She slowly tiptoed behind him, lying down and then snaking an arm around his small frame.

"Hey." She whispered. He stayed quiet.

When she tried to tug him back towards her so she could hug him, he wiggled away angrily. "I'm sorry. Could you consider forgiving me?"

He shook his head, his sniffles increasing.

"Please tell me why you are angry my love."

She tried to tug him back again. This time he let her.

He was quiet for a few moment as she combed her fingers through his hair. "You didn't let me play with him. You almost yelled at me."

"I'm sorry for that." And she was sorry. Because she knew it wasn't his fault she was insecure and scared of trusting others. "Really. Please forgive me?"

He turned to look at her, his face red and wet, tears lining his eyes and lashes. "I wanted to play with him mommy."

"You can play with him some other time. It was getting late and you could have gotten sick if you stayed up long. I'm still sorry for almost yelling."

He nodded, scrunching his tiny little face. "Okay. I forgive you."

She held back a grin, feeling bad for wanting to laugh at his despair. No one should blame her though, kids were just funny like that.

"Thank you very much."

"Where is he now?"

"He left. He is staying somewhere else."

"Why? He could have stayed here with us."

"Baby, do you remember what I told ypu about strangers?" When he nodded, she continued. "He is a stranger to you, is he not?"

Fin stayed quiet.

"You should not trust strangers so much."

"But you know him mama. He is not a stranger if you know him right?"

He got her there.

"Yes darling, but I don't know him well. I'm not saying you should not play with him. I'm just saying you should be careful around other strangers. And I am also trying to understand why you like him so much."

He played with his fingers for a couple of moments before answering.

"Because I don't have anyone to play with."

She stilled, then whispered. "What?"

He nodded, not meeting her eyes.

"I don't have any friends, other than Sam and Nyx. And I don't even play with them that much. I feel very lonely mama."

Her heart cracked for what felt like the hundredth time that night.

She realised that in her need to protect her baby from the evil of this world, she had kept him from the happiness and joy too.

And that would simply not do.

"You have me to play with." She pointed out weakly.

"But you have been very busy and you seem very stressed all the time. I didn't want to disturb you."

She beat back the tears that threatened to clog her throat. "I will never be too busy to play with you. And you don't have to worry about disturbing me. Ever." Then, she added. "If it helps, Eris is going to come by tomorrow. I told him he can come to play with you."

She didn't know if that would happen, considering the verbal lashing that she gave him before kicking him out. Though she did hope he came by, because nothing was more important to her than Fin's happiness. And as for his safety, she was there to protect him.

He instantly brightened. "Really?"

Smiling, she nodded. He squealed before burying himself in the pillows, smiling at her.

She just hoped Eris would not leave Velaris without meeting Fin.

•○🌑○•

Part 5

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[roosterforme]

Right Girl, Wrong Time Part 7 | Bradley Bradshaw x Reader

Summary: Your weekend is over and you say goodbye to Bradley, but you both hope that it won't be another ten years before seeing each other again. Bradley was desperate for more of you, and this time, he'd make sure to do whatever he needed to get it. He just needs you to fulfill your end of the deal first.

Warnings: Smut, fluff, swears, and angst

Length: 3400 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader (former fuckboy college student Bradley)

This is a sequel to accompany my story Old Habits Die Hard (you'll want to read that one first)!

Check my profile for my masterlist

You didn't want to move. Ever. You just wanted to lay here on top of Bradley on your bed in your little house. Keep him with you forever. 

This moment was too perfect. His hands rubbed your back underneath the soft fabric of his Grateful Dead shirt, and he was singing to you. He was singing the lyrics of your tattoo, with something extra added on.

You don't know how easy it is to love you, Sugar.

Part of you wanted to fall asleep like this, absorbing his body heat, and his voice, and his love. But you didn't know for sure when you'd get to see him again. You didn't want to think about the possibility that you might not. 

Because admitting that you loved each other ten years ago and saying you still felt that way now.... well, that didn't necessarily mean that you and Bradley would be able to mesh your separate lives together into something you could both live with. Although, this weekend that you got to spend reunited with him did feel more serendipitous than you'd like to admit. Your mind was still reeling, still searching for the logic in this situation.  

When Bradley stopped singing and you felt his fingers at the back of your neck, you sighed and let yourself enjoy this moment. After you pressed your lips to his scars, you asked him, "Will you send me those selfies you texted to Nat?"

Bradley studied your face, and even with the soft lighting, you could tell his cheeks were flushing with color. "Sure." He kissed you gently and then slipped out from under you to retrieve his phone from the bathroom while you located yours under a pile of discarded clothing on your floor. 

"What is it?" you asked, when he sprawled out on your bed once more. "You're blushing right now, Beer Boy."

He handed you his unlocked phone and cleared his throat as you crawled over next to him. "You can send them to yourself. I already saved them to a folder."

"Okay," you said, taking his phone and looking at the wallpaper, which was a picture of his Super Hornet. "Which folder?" 

You tapped on the photo gallery and it opened to neatly organized pictures with labels and dates. He had things pertaining to his aircraft, one labeled 'House Projects', and then you saw one that made you suck in a short breath.

There was a folder labeled 'Sugar' at the top of the gallery. 

"You have a whole folder of...me?"

He just nodded, his brows furrowed now. "The passcode is your birthday. Text whatever you want to yourself." You could tell he was trying for a tone of nonchalance, but it wasn't translating as cool as he probably thought it was. You typed in your four digit birthday, and the folder opened.

At the top you saw the selfies he had taken just a few hours ago, the ones he sent to his best friend. You started to select them, but then decided to scroll down to see more. 

"I thought you said you had one picture of us that you showed to Nat and Bob," you whispered, but Bradley just shrugged.

The folder was filled with candid shots of you from ten years ago at frat parties and in the library study room. There were some where you were smiling and biting your lip, others where you were concentrating on a textbook and paying him no mind. He had even taken a picture of his bedroom door at some point, on which he had written 'SUGAR what's your number?'

"Bradley," you whispered, but he was running his hand through his hair and looking at the ceiling. The pictures you had taken to make Phoebe jealous were all there, too. You and he were in the kitchen at the Beta house, enjoying your fake spring break together. There were photos of you kissing and licking his lips, one of you sucking melted chocolate off of his fingers, and several of Bradley touching and kissing your bare breasts. 

"I took those to make Phoebe jealous," you whispered, looking at him while he still avoided your gaze. "I thought you would have deleted them."

He shook his head. "Couldn't bring myself to. Couldn't delete any of them."

You paused for a beat, looking at a selfie of the two of you a few weeks before graduation. He was standing behind you with his arms wrapped around you and his chin resting on your shoulder. You both looked unbelievably happy. 

"Did your other girlfriends mind that you kept these?"

Bradley rolled his eyes at you. "Why do you think it has a passcode? None of them knew about it."

You bit your lip and inched closer until your knees were bumping his side. "Do you have a folder for each of your other ex girlfriends, too?" you asked softly. 

Bradley finally reached for you, pulling you so you were straddling his lap and looking down at him. "You see any other folders in there?"

You didn't need to scroll to know he only had a folder of you, so you shook your head and started selecting all of the pictures in the 'Sugar' folder to send to yourself. 

"It's just you," Bradley whispered. "I've only ever been in love with you."

You hit send and leaned down to kiss him while your phone lit up across the bed. 

"I can't fucking believe I could have been texting you this whole time," he said as you kissed his cheek. "I figured you'd blocked me permanently. Or that you had a different phone number. I thought you were probably married."

You laughed and asked, "Would you have really texted me?"

"Hell no," Bradley replied, holding you against him. "Couldn't deal with the disappointment of you not remembering who I was."

You kissed him for a long time. Eventually you both slipped under the blankets, rolling onto your sides and sharing the softest touches. Every gentle brush of his lips against yours felt like the promise he made to you, felt like he would wait to hear your answer after you visited both schools.

"You think I could forget you? I've only ever been in love with you too, Bradley."

------------------------

Every time Bradley pulled you close to him, you lit him up with your laughter. "I don't want to leave," he whined over and over again as you and he made breakfast together on Sunday morning. He couldn't stop touching you through the soft fabric of his old shirt. "Fuck the Navy. I'm staying here."

"You don't mean that," you said with a smile. "Don't you miss your friends? And your Super Hornet?" You were being coy now, and he didn't know if it was because you were going to miss him too, or because you wanted to know where you ranked.

Bradley groaned dramatically. "I don't miss Nat. She was downright sweet to you when you were texting last night. But she's never that nice to me. And I guess I miss flying, but pretty soon, I'll be doing that every day for six weeks."

"That's true, I suppose."

While you tried to plate some pancakes, Bradley whispered, "I'd rather be doing you every day for six weeks."

You giggled and looked up at him over your shoulder. "You always were smooth, Beer Boy. Too smooth for your own good. But does that mean you'll be thinking about me at night? On the aircraft carrier? When you're tired and unable to sleep?"

His eyes drifted closed. Now he had a whole arsenal of images he just knew would be circulating through his mind; 21 year old Sugar and 31 year old Sugar. Both too sweet for him, but exactly what he wanted. 

"Not only then. I'll be thinking about you a lot. Waiting to hear from you as soon as I dock back in San Diego."

You fed him bites of pancake while he caged you in against the kitchen counter. "How will I know when you get back? Do they tell you the date ahead of time?"

"Yeah, but sometimes it changes according to the weather and mission parameters. I'll text you as soon as I can. Don't worry about that. You can tell me about the schools, and we can talk on the phone and catch up."

"Okay," you agreed, setting the food off to the side and wrapping your arms around him. And now Bradley was feeling guilty again. He shouldn't be talking to you like this right now. There were too many things up in the air. But he'd be lying if he said he wasn't thinking of ways to get a transfer to Florida if you picked Miami. He couldn't live without you now. 

He took your face in both of his hands, running his thumb along your swollen lips and smiling at the dark smudges under your eyes. Neither of you had slept much last night, and Bradley had been kissing you almost nonstop. "I love you, Sugar."

Your eyes drifted closed briefly before you nodded against his hands. "I never thought I'd hear you say that."

"I don't know if I can stop now."

"Don't."

---------------------------

After you ate, you spent hours in your bed with Bradley, talking and touching each other. Your words grew softer, and you found yourself clinging to him a bit more as the morning turned to early afternoon. You were laughing, and he was kissing your shoulder when suddenly a soft sob escaped your lips. 

He pulled back to look up at you, but you just shook your head. "I don't want you to leave."

Then he was looking at you like he was in agony. "I would stay if I could. You know that, right?"

"Yeah."

"Our timing kind of sucks, but maybe we can figure it all out. You're smart, Sugar," he murmured as his lips found your tattoos. "You'll figure it out and let me know where I stand." When you opened your mouth to tell him you could figure it all out right now, he kissed your lips. "But not yet," he added. 

Did this man really think you'd fall in love with Miami more than you loved him? You almost laughed, but then he was sucking on one of the spots on your neck that was still tender from last night's activities. 

"Bradley," you whined softly. He was hard and pressing against your clit just right. His tongue and lips were soothing your neck only to be met with his prickly mustache. 

"I need to leave soon, baby. Tell me how you need it."

The most unholy moan left your lips, and you were surprised you could sound that needy. "Slow. Just go slow."

He nodded against you, sliding through your silky wetness and entering you so leisurely, it somehow felt filthy. When you tried to press up against him to take him faster and deeper, Bradley scolded you.

"No, no. You're getting it slow, Sugar. It's what you need. I need it, too."

"Fuck," you gasped, winding your fingers in his pretty hair while he spread your pussy wide, squeezing your thighs. "Bradley."

And you knew this might be your last time with him like this. At least for a while. 

--------------------------------

Bradley was in heaven, basking in the little sounds you made just for him. You had told him he was the best and that you still loved him. But he wanted to be your only one.  

As he worked his thumb softly along your clit, he paused his ministrations each time he felt you clench around him. "Please." Your voice was soft and broken, and after he'd taken you close but not all the way a few times, you were begging. "Bradley."

He responded by kissing his name on your lips and tasting your tongue. He swiped his fingers against your clit just the way you liked it best, and you anchored yourself to him with your fingers tugging on his hair.

"Shh, nice and slow," he grunted next to your ear, and once again you were clenching around him. Your moans were building like a crescendo, and soon he was panting just like you were. "I love you. I'd wait forever to be with you again."

He watched a tear leak from the corner of your eye, and he kissed it away as you came on his cock. Bradley rocked into you slowly, watching you squeeze your eyes shut as he filled you up, rubbing his lips and mustache along your neck. 

Finally you were looking up at him again, and he was just as mesmerized by your beautiful, expressive face now as he had been in college. Your voice was soft and spent as you whispered, "I love you, too, Beer Boy."

But he knew it was time to leave you. The idea of being away from you again had him panicking like it did before. What if you changed your mind while he was gone for six weeks? Completely out of contact with you? "I'm not going anywhere, Sugar. But I do need to leave."

"I understand." You smiled softly at him, and then your lip quivered as your eyes filled with tears. Bradley withdrew himself from the comfort of your body and wrapped you in his arms. 

"I'll text you when I get back. You can let me know when you're able to call me, and we can figure this shit out, okay? I'll text you before I even text Nat, and she's the one who's supposed to pick me up."

You laughed softly against his ear. "Promise me you'll be safe when you're deployed."

He kissed your temple. "Sugar, you know I can't promise you that. But I can promise you that I love you now, and I will still love you in six weeks no matter what happens." He held onto you until the last possible minute, knowing he'd miss his flight if he waited any longer. 

When he stood up and started to gather his clothes, you tracked his movements with your eyes. "I'll come to the airport with you. I can Uber back," you told him, jumping out of bed and pulling on the tie dyed shirt and some shorts. 

Bradley watched you move around your bedroom, slipping on shoes and grabbing your purse before tucking yourself against his chest. 

"We're just prolonging the inevitable, baby."

"I don't care," you replied defiantly. "I'll get an extra thirty minutes with you."

The way you could make Bradley's heart soar left him grinning. "Alright, Sugar. Let's get me to the airport."

The ride was quiet, but you held his hand in both of yours while he drove, and he sang a few Grateful Dead songs. "Sing me my song," you demanded softly, kissing his fingers. 

Bradley laughed softly. "You know, you're so perfect, Sugar, it probably was somehow written with you in mind." And then he sang for you until he pulled into the airport to return his rental car. 

You kept a firm hold on his hand until you walked him as far as you could go without a boarding pass. When Bradley set down his bag to give you a proper goodbye, your lips were immediately on his. "I love you, Beer Boy," you whispered between kisses. The brush of your lips against his mustache had him holding you tight against him, and he dug his fingers gently into the back of your neck. He kissed you so hard, you were moaning into his mouth, swiping his tongue with yours.

"I never stopped loving you," he panted, breaking away and resting his cheek against your forehead. "You seemed like a mirage the other night, at the bar. I never thought I'd get a chance to look at you again."

You laughed softly. "You can do more than look at me, Bradley. Anytime you want."

Bradley wanted a commitment now. He could feel in his very bones how right that would be. But this wasn't the time for it. "Remember what you promised me."

You nipped along his jaw, saying, "I'll look at both schools, Lieutenant Bradshaw. And then I will report back to you when you are once again on dry land."

"That's my girl," he crooned, and your gaze met his with so many unspoken questions and answers. "I'll be thinking about you. Just like I always do." He kissed your cheek and then pressed his lips to your mouth in one final kiss before getting in line for security. You stood there in his favorite shirt and watched him until you couldn't see him any longer, your arms wrapped around your midsection while you cried. 

He used his phone to call you a ride back to your house and texted you the information. You wrote back right away. 

This was the best weekend of my life.

------------------------

You were so antsy to talk to Bradley. You were thinking about him all the time now. As you sat on your desk in your office, eating a sandwich and looking at your packed boxes, you wondered if he was eating dinner. Or maybe it was the middle of the night where he was. Maybe he was thinking about you, too.

This room reminded you of him, and he had only been here once. This desk especially reminded you of him. When you passed Ted, the security guard on your way in earlier, you thought about Bradley while Ted blushed and greeted you softly. 

And that's how it had been for the past two weeks. You had Beer Boy on your mind almost nonstop. Sure, he'd popped into your thoughts pretty frequently over the last ten years, but this was overpowering. Now that you knew you could reach him by phone if you wanted to, you hated that he was deployed and out of contact. 

You sighed, giving in to your urge once more to scroll through Nat's Instagram page. You had already memorized every post with Bradley in it, but it didn't hurt to look once more. And then you told yourself it would be okay to look at all of the photos that had been in his secret Sugar folder. 

You had to tip your head back and press your lips together to keep from moaning, because just the thought of Bradley keeping those pictures for ten years made you want him badly. 

And then started the vicious cycle of hating deployments. 

"Fuck," you groaned, tucking your phone away. You would drop your boxes off with your friend Veronica, and then you had another week in Virginia before you started your adventure. 

First stop, Miami.

-------------------

Bradley was laying in his tiny bed aboard the USS Ronald Reagan, thinking about you. He wondered if you were in Miami or San Diego yet. He wondered if you had visited either of the schools. He wondered if you had made a decision and how he would fit into it. 

He was halfway through his deployment, and it had been so boring. Even though he desperately wanted to talk to you, he had decided to give you some space while he was gone. So instead, he'd used his one facetime call to talk to Nat, but he had spent most of it catching her up on his weekend in Virginia.

"You're still in love with her," Nat had said with dreamy eyes. 

"Yes. I am still in love with her. And I've given her the power to break my heart a second time. Nat, I won't survive."

But in typical best friend fashion, she had been able to calm his nerves and tell him he needed to focus on work for now and give you some space. He would give you as much time and space as you wanted or needed, if he just knew for sure he could see you again.

------------------------

They parted ways, and I want to cry. Thanks to @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 8

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[justagalwhowrites]

Shelter

IT'S FINALLY DONE!

A request from MONTHS ago from the lovely, the talented, the supreme Lavender fan @dundienominee who wanted some QZ era Joel angst that included a few specifics. I thought you'd sent an ask but I think it was just one of the millions of DMs lol

So here it is! A NON-CANON Lavender one shot, where Joel and Doc are stuck together when FEDRA puts the QZ on lockdown.

I hope this is what you're looking for, love!!

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader from Lavender (can be read independently with the understanding that Joel and Reader are exes and Reader also dated Tommy in the QZ.)

Warnings: SMUT!, Results of canon-typical violence, infidelity (not on each other). No use of Y/N. Minors DNI, 18+ only.

Length: 8.4k

August, 2017

Joel had been right. 

That wasn’t a fact he particularly appreciated in that moment. He’d rather have been right and not shot. He’d rather have been wrong, for that matter, even if you’d be bound and fucking determined to hold it over him for the next who knows how fucking long. 

But no, he had to be right and shot. 

Still, better than another alternative. 

You shot. You hurt. That was the worst possible outcome. 

Well, maybe not the worst. That would be you dead.

Joel couldn’t think about that. 

“Shit,” you swore, the sound of FEDRA around the next corner. 

“There,” Joel said through gritted teeth, nodding toward a pile of junk. 

“Right,” you said, pulling him along toward it, your shoulder tucked into his underarm. You pulled him down to the ground just as a dozen or so FEDRA guards ran past, armed to the teeth, guns drawn. Joel fought to keep quiet, breathe silently through the pain, until he couldn’t hear them anymore. You looked at him. There was blood on your cheek. “Should we wait? Or do you think we’re good to move?” 

“So now you want to listen to me?” He asked sarcastically. You glared at him. He ignored it. “Should be alright now, doubt more troops will be headin’ that way from here.” 

You helped him to his feet and he leaned against you again, trying to ignore the way his body seemed to be hyperaware of everywhere you touched him. You started walking. 

“I’m really sorry, Joel,” you said, sounding a little breathless, as you started getting close to his apartment. “I really thought it would be alright…” 

“Maybe fuckin’ listen to me next time,” he managed through the pain. “Might not be a damn doctor but I do know about shit like this…” 

“I know,” you said quietly. 

Joel let the subject drop. 

The two of you had gone to the absolute shittiest part of the QZ to run medication to a boy there who had been in the clinic just a few days earlier. You’d gone on a special trip outside the QZ for it. You had explained it all to Joel and Tess, of course, but he didn’t really get it. All he knew was there was a four-year-old boy who needed some drug urgently. 

You just hadn’t bothered to explain where that drug needed to be taken until you, Joel and Tess made it back to the QZ. 

“No,” Joel had shaken his head. “No fuckin’ way…” 

“He’s going to die,” you said. “He has the flu, he’s already showing signs of complications, if he doesn’t get help it will kill him, I need…” 

“No.” 

“Fine,” you snapped. “I’ll go on my own.” 

You turned to leave. 

“No the fuck you won’t,” Joel grabbed your wrist, yanking you harshly alongside him. “Gonna just get yourself fuckin’ killed…” 

“Fuck off, Joel.” 

You pulled yourself from his grip and stalked off, leaving him no choice but to follow you. For someone as damn smart as you were, you made stupid fucking decisions. 

Decisions that led to the two of you getting caught in the crossfire between two rival groups that left Joel with a bullet in his stomach near his hip. 

“Almost there,” you said, your fingers holding tight to his side. 

“Know where the fuck we are,” he muttered. He didn’t need to look at you to know that you rolled your eyes in response. 

He managed to make it up the stairs and into the apartment, Tess pacing the living room. She stopped when she saw him, her eyes going wide. 

“Jesus Christ,” she ran to him, taking his other side. 

“Let’s get him to the table,” you said. “Trying to avoid doing this on the floor again…” 

Joel had all but forgotten that you’d saved his life here, in this room, once before. He had almost no memory of it, what little he did remember was more like a dream. You, next to him, your hands soft, voice gentle, something warm in him that was tied to you. You didn’t seem real, you seemed like something he’d lost, something that was in a place that was too far and too good for him to reach. But you were there. And you were taking care of him. 

“Fucking told you, Doc,” Tess snapped, helping to haul Joel’s broken body to the table. She cleared the papers and trash from it, dropping shit into a chair. “Fucking told you not to go to that side of the goddamn QZ…” 

“Yeah, I get it,” you snapped back. “I’m a fucking idiot, alright? Just help me.” 

You and Tess got Joel up on the table and he groaned, his muscle tensing and pulling around the wound in his stomach. 

“Sorry, sorry,” you said, helping him lay back on the wood with a grunt. 

“Don’t know why I let you talk us into this shit,” Tess said, still pissed, as she unbuttoned his shirt. “I should really fucking know better by now, you’re the dumbest smart person I know…” 

“Tess,” Joel growled. 

“She’s going to get you fucking killed,” she snapped. “She’s going to get us both fucking killed…” 

“Tess,” his voice was sharper. 

He knew that Tess was far from a fan of yours. She’d been growing tenser and tenser around you for a while now. He was never sure why, if it really was what she said and it was because she felt like you took stupid risks, if it was because he’d never been able to care about her the same way he cared about you in spite of how much he loathed it, if it was because she was tired of trying to keep the peace when you were so clearly done with him. For a while, it had seemed like the two of you were friends. Almost friends. But not anymore. 

“Someone has to give a shit if you live or die, Joel, and we both know that it’s not going to be you and it’s not going to be her, either,” she unbuttoned his jeans next. “So that leaves me.” 

“You think I don’t give a shit?” You asked, dropping your pack on a chair and yanking it open. “You think I keep you and him alive for fun?” 

“No, I think you do it so you can keep trying to save a place that can’t be fucking saved,” she was yelling now. 

“Tess.” 

“Shut up, Joel,” she barely glanced at him before rounding on you again. “I’m tired of being some tool in her goddamn stupid crusade…” 

“Tess.” 

“I didn’t fucking make him come with me!” You yelled back at her. “I would have gone on my own, he’s the one…” 

“You really think he’s the one who makes the decisions when it comes to you?” Tess shoved you. “You really think he’d let you run off to get yourself fucking killed? You’re an idiot sometimes, Doc, but you’re not that fucking stupid.” 

“Tess!” Joel was trying to sit up but she wasn’t paying attention. You were. You looked at him, frowning. 

“No,” she yelled, shoving you again. “No, I’m done with this shit, I’m done pretending that we’re doing fucking anything besides risking our fucking lives for some pointless…” 

“Tess!” He managed to sit up, grabbing her arm before she could shove you again. Her head spun, hair whirling, eyes narrowed. “She’s right, don’t fuckin’ blame her…” 

“She’s…” Tess shook her head. “You are so fucking stuck on her, on her bullshit, on…” 

“Get out.” 

You pulled gauze out of your pack and pressed it to the wound at his hip. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” She gaped at him, her brows raised. 

“You can figure out how to fuckin’ respect her or you can go,” Joel said through gritted teeth. “Not gonna just let you talk about her…” 

“Her is right here,” you cut him off. “Stop talking about me like I’m not fucking here. And Joel you need to lie down before you fuck something else up, Jesus…” 

Tess looked between him and you before she shook her head and stepped back from the table. 

“Good fucking luck,” Tess snapped before stalking out and slamming the door behind her. 

You looked where she had been for a moment before nudging Joel back down onto the table. 

“You done?” You asked, brows raised. “Because I don’t need you to defend me from your girlfriend, Joel. I’m still going to keep you alive even if you both hate me.” 

“I don’t…”

“Stay still.”

He gritted his teeth and stared daggers at the ceiling while you worked on him for a moment, pressing gauze into his skin for a bit before pulling it away. 

“Don’t think you’ve hit anything major,” you said, more to yourself than to him. He still grunted in response. “Stay put, I still need to get that bullet out and get you cleaned up.” 

He followed you with his eyes as you went about collecting tools, cleaning yourself up, putting on sterile gloves. He tried to focus on you without it raising his blood pressure which, he figured, wouldn’t be the best thing to do when there was an open wound on his torso. 

But it was hard. 

It had been years with you like this. More than a decade. Thinking about you too much made his chest tight, his stomach clench. Thinking about you too much made him worry he might be having a fucking heart attack, that you just might be the death of him.

But you were still who he thought about when he needed comfort. Still where his mind went when he was in pain and he needed to remember why he should try to live through it. Still what he pictured when alone at night and he thought the loss and the emptiness of his life would swallow him whole. Still where his thoughts found when he wanted to come because nothing had ever felt as good as you. 

“Think you can sit still while I get this sucker out of you?” You asked. “Because I don’t exactly have someone here to hold you still at the moment.” 

“Just do it,” Joel squared his jaw and stared at the ceiling again. 

You were quiet for a moment before you touched his bared skin with the lightest, gloved touch. 

“I really am sorry,” you said softly. “I know… We have our issues but… I really hate seeing you hurt. I really hate getting you hurt.” 

Joel looked at you, your face drawn into a frown, your eyes sad. Even now, he thought you might be the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“I know,” he said, looking back at the ceiling. 

You were quiet and he could feel your eyes on him before he felt you slip some kind of instrument into the wound. He hissed through the pain of it but kept still. 

“I know,” you said, voice gentle and soothing. “You’re OK, it’ll be OK.” 

He remembered you using that voice with Sarah. He came home from work once and his daughter was perched on the counter, sniffling, her face streaked with tears. You were talking to her in that voice, a wad of paper towel held against her knee. 

“You’re OK. It’ll be OK.” 

“You with me, Miller?” You asked after what felt like an eternity but knew it must have only been a few minutes. “Need a break?” 

“Just finish it,” he managed through gritted teeth. 

You found the bullet and planted your hand firmly on the softness of his stomach. 

“Hold still,” you said. “This is going to have to be kind of slow, there’s relatively little damage, nothing major hit and I’d like to keep it that way.” 

You pulled on it and he could feel you moving through him, through the gaping wound him, pulling the pain out into the open air. 

When you finished, you held the bullet up, glistening with blood. 

“The cause of all this trouble,” you said, turning it in the light. “Let me patch some of this up and make sure you don’t bleed out. I don’t think you’ll need a blood transfusion this time at least…” 

Joel frowned, lifting his head slightly as you set to work. 

“What do you mean ‘this time?’” 

You froze for half a second before you tried to brush it off. 

“Just, you know,” you said. “In general.” 

He watched you work for a moment. 

“Hey.” 

You glanced at him before looking back at his wound. 

“What?” 

“You had to give me a blood transfusion last time?” He asked, trying not to groan at the pain. 

“I didn’t want to freak you out,” you said eventually, tucking gauze into the wound. “But… yeah, you were down a lot of blood and… Look, I did what I had to do to keep you alive.” 

You cleaned up the skin around his injury. 

“Whose blood?” 

“What?” You asked, focused on the task. 

“Whose blood did you use?” He asked. “Don’t imagine you went down to the clinic so whose blood.” 

You were quiet and Joel was about to ask again when you spoke. 

“We didn’t know your blood type,” you said quietly. “So Tommy would have been the best option…” your voice trailed off but he knew that wasn’t the end. He kept watching you and you sighed before you kept going. “But I’m O- so…” 

He just blinked for a moment. 

“It was yours.” 

Your eyes darted to his for half a second. 

“Yeah. It was mine.” 

He was quiet as you pulled off your gloves with a sharp snap. 

You’d saved him. Bled for him, poured yourself into him so he would keep breathing. He’d walked around for who knows how long with you pulsing through his body and he hadn’t known. 

“You should have told me,” he said eventually. 

“Yeah, well.” 

You started packing up. 

“You should have…” 

“I couldn’t be sure that you wouldn’t fucking slit your wrists if you knew, alright?” You snapped. “You hated me. You still hate me but it was worse then, you’ve figured out how to tolerate me in the last decade which is great and all but Jesus, Joel, don’t act like telling you was the easy thing to do.” 

You threw your pack over your shoulder and he sat up, ignoring the pain at his hip. 

“I need to get home,” you said. “Try not to wreck all my work…” 

There was a pounding at the door that made you jump. Joel shoved himself off the table and quickly buttoned his shirt as he limped for the door. 

“Bag down,” he said quietly. “Stay back.” 

You nodded, obeying him for once in your damn life. 

He opened the door slowly, cautiously. A FEDRA officer stood at his door. 

“Can I help you?” Joel tried not to growl, tried not to do anything that would incite suspicion. Not that he could help that he had on a bloody shirt with a fucking bullet hole in it. 

“There’s been increase violence in a nearby quadrant of the QZ,” the man said, barely looking at Joel. “We’re requiring all residents to shelter in place until further notice. Is everyone here a member of your household or does someone need an escort home?” 

Joel saw you step toward the door, opening your mouth like you were about to speak, but he held his hand out behind him, silencing you. 

“Same household,” he said. “We’re all set here.” 

“We’ll let you know when it’s safe to leave,” the guard said. “Lock your door.” 

He left before Joel had a chance to respond and he shut the door quickly before slumping against it. 

“Joel!” You hissed, going to his side and looping an arm around his waist. He leaned against you and you helped him to the couch. “What the fuck were you thinking?”

“You really want to get a fuckin’ FEDRA escort home?” He grimaced. 

“No,” you snapped, setting him on the couch. “But do you remember how long they locked us down for last time?” 

“No.” 

“A week,” you said, sitting on the threadbare arm chair. “And I’d rather get a FEDRA escort than have you kill me out of frustration in three days because that’s how long we’ll last before you get that fed up with me.” 

“Jesus, you really think we can’t manage to not kill each other for a few fuckin’ days?” He settled into the couch. “You n’me have survived a lot worse than that.” 

You scoffed. 

“Have we?” You asked, brows raised. “Besides, aren’t you worried about Tess?” 

He shrugged. 

“She can handle herself better than you can,” he said and you rolled your eyes. “You that worried about gettin’ back to Derek?” 

“Worried about FEDRA showing up at my door to look for relief for the clinic and not finding me,” you snapped. “Should have just let them…” 

“Not gonna let you go out there with those fucking assholes if people are out there shooting at each other!” Joel cut you off. “Don’t trust ‘em with shit let alone with you! I can keep you safe here so you’re staying here, it ain’t up for discussion!” 

You just blinked at Joel for a moment, a shocked look on your face. 

“Think we can handle not strangling each other for a few damn days,” he muttered, looking away from you. He couldn’t really handle looking at you. You didn’t say anything. You just got up, grabbing your pack and stalking further into the apartment. He frowned. “Where do you think you’re goin’?” 

“Don’t want to be around you any more than you want to be around me,” you said. “So I’m going to Tommy’s room…” 

“Always liked his bed,” Joel muttered, grinding his teeth. 

You flipped him off, not bothering to even look at him before slamming Tommy’s door behind you. 

***

Day 1

Tommy needed better hobbies. 

It was clear Joel had barely used Tommy’s room since he’d left. There were some boxes for storage - things you weren’t about to go searching through since you were pretty sure it was full of black market things from smuggling runs - but otherwise it was exactly how you remembered it. Not that you’d ever spent much time here. You liked to avoid Joel and Tommy seemed to like to avoid him even more than you did when you were around. You’d slept here a few times, when Joel was outside the QZ but Tommy had stayed behind, but he was much more likely to be at your place than his. 

But this room was all but a shrine to him. Or maybe more of a mausoleum, something left in memory of someone who was gone and would never be back. You hadn’t really realized how much you’d missed your friend until you were back in his space, surrounded by his things. 

You also realized that, in reality, you didn’t have a ton in common. Tommy’s book collection was… lacking. He had a few tattered Tom Clancy novels and you settled on one that you were pretty sure he’d brought over to your place once or twice. 

It wasn’t really your thing, though, and you were desperately bored. You were going to have to emerge from the room eventually to do more than pee and refill your water bottle in the bathroom sink. You were almost out of the jerky you’d packed for your trip outside the QZ and you’d never been very good at sitting still with nothing to occupy your mind. 

But you’d need to check on Joel’s injury at some point, anyway. Because looking at the ex who seemed to mostly hate you but apparently flew off the handle at the thought of you getting shot. 

Which you didn’t fully understand. If anyone asked you, you’d have sworn up and down that Joel would shoot you in the street if it wouldn’t make his life harder. You were surprised he hadn’t all but tossed you to an infected in the years you’d been going outside the QZ but the fact that you did things like pull bullets out of him and stitch Tess’ knife wounds closed was apparently a good enough reason to keep you alive. 

You didn’t see how that was a good enough reason to keep you from leaving his apartment when the two of you were about to be locked down for who the fuck knows how long. What were you supposed to do with… well, any of it? 

Your head dangled over the edge of the bed when you spotted a ratty tennis ball in the corner. You tumbled off the bed and picked it up, oddly grateful to have something to function as a distraction and started bouncing it off the wall, catching it out of the air when it bounced back at you. 

“The fuck you doing?” Joel called at you from the other side of the wall. 

You rolled your eyes. 

“Keeping myself from being so bored that I jump out a window.” 

He was quiet for a minute. 

You threw the ball again. 

“It’s annoying.” 

You caught the ball and then threw it. 

“Should’ve sent me off with FEDRA then.” 

For a moment, you thought that might be the end of it. And then the door opened. 

He’d gotten changed, at least, his new shirt as clean and intact as you could really find in the QZ and he looked a little pale. You looked him in he eye and you threw the ball again. 

“You tryin’ to piss me off?” He asked, one arm propped against the door frame. 

You shrugged and caught the ball. 

“You just make it so fun…” 

You threw the ball again and he came and snatched it out of the air. You glared at him. 

“Are you trying to make me miserable?” You asked. “Because it’s getting really old…” 

“Is that what you think I’m doing?” He snapped. “Think I decided to come find you in my brother’s bed because it’s fun…” 

“Oh will you stop fucking harping on that?” You shoved off the bed and stalked over to him in the doorway. “It’s ancient history! Think it’s time to get over the fact that your brother decided to pick up your broken toy…” 

“You think that’s why I’m pissed?” He asked, brows raised. 

You ignored him, dropping to your knees and yanking his shirt up. He stopped breathing and you checked his wound before getting to your feet. 

“In a few hours I’ll change your dressing,” you said, looking up at him as you stood almost shockingly close to him. You could see the pulse in his throat. “Leave me alone until then.” 

He clenched his jaw, looking you up and down, before storming off, yanking the door shut behind him. 

Day 2 

You waited until you heard the bathroom door close before you emerged. You were officially out of jerky and sitting in a room full of Tommy’s things while being sharply aware that he was thousands of miles away from you was wearing on you fast. You needed something - anything - to distract you. 

So you darted to the kitchen, grabbed a bag of jerky, and paused on your way past Joel’s room, his door cracked open. If you were quick…

You opened the, the hinges creaking, and ducked inside. 

It was neat, orderly. Like you remembered it being years ago when you were together. There were little signs of him everywhere, enough that you’d have recognized the room as his even if you’d walked into it in a strange place a thousand miles away. Little carvings on the window sill, the watch you’d helped Sarah picked for his birthday gift on the nightstand, a cracked Springsteen CD case sitting next to a worn boom box. You resisted the urge to touch the booklet and see if it fell open to a specific page, if you could tell what he’d been looking for when picking that album. 

Instead, you went to the bookshelf that was collapsing, worn boards sagging between cinderblocks. You recognized Joel’s taste in books, a little more in line with your own. You found a Cormac McCarthy book you hadn’t read with a spine that looked comfortably warn and pulled it, almost reverently, off the shelf. 

“The hell you doin’?” 

You jumped, almost dropping the book and the bag of jerky. 

“Sorry…” 

“I say you could come in here?” 

He was standing in the doorway in pajamas, his pants slung low on his hips, t-shirt stretched over his broad shoulders. 

“I am bored out of my mind,” you said, squaring your jaw even though you knew you shouldn’t be in his room. “I got desperate.” 

“You think that’s a reason to just waltz in…” 

“No, but…” 

“Sure acting like it!” 

“Is hating me fun for you?” You snapped. “Because it sure seems like it is! I don’t know why you’d work this hard at it if it wasn’t.” 

He looked you up and down for a moment. 

“Just get the fuck out of here,” he stepped to the side and you ducked around him, all but running back to the room you’d claimed as your own. 

You settled in on the bed with your new book, resting it on your knees and trying to forget how mad Joel had been just because you dared set foot in his room, as though you didn’t live together once in another life. It had been so easy for him to forget. You’d been so easy for him to forget. 

You opened the book and tried to get absorbed in the story but were having a hard time focusing, shifting around on the bed and hoping that a more comfortable position might make it so you could let yourself fall into it. You were changing positions for the third time when something fell out of the book and flitted like a leaf down to the worn quilt. You frowned, picking it up and turning it over in your hands. 

It was a picture. A picture of you. 

“What?” You whispered to yourself, eyebrows knitting together. 

It was a photo you recognized. Derek had it in his bedroom and he’d taken it without you knowing. You were folded into an armchair in his living room, a book in your hands, hair wild with a ribbon in to keep it out of your face. When he’d developed the photo, you remembered the day he’d taken it. One of the few that you had off from both jobs in the QZ. It had been warm that day, you hadn’t bothered to put on a bra or even pants, sitting around Derek’s place in a pair of his boxers and a tank top. He’d fucked you that morning, before it got too hot, and the two of you spent the day not moving much otherwise, not wanting to spend hours sticky with sweat and miserable. 

The day stuck out to you, though, not because of the heat or because you got to spend it somewhere besides the clinic or the school. Instead, it was because it reminded you of summer days in Austin with Joel. Trying not to run the AC too much, you sat far apart on the couch wearing as little as possible with Sarah coming and going from the house with friends. He would bring you glasses of ice water or lemonade almost every time he got up, his lips finding your forehead when he pressed the cold glass into your palm, his large hand finding your ankle because he had to be touching you in some way without making both of you miserable in the heat. 

And now Joel had a picture from that day, the one where he’d been on your mind the whole time, so much that you’d given up on trying not to think of him. 

You weren’t sure how he’d gotten it. Derek may have given him a copy if he’d asked but you didn’t know how he knew it existed. And why would he want a copy in the first place? 

You looked a little closer at it, the corners curling, edges peeling. Like it had been held a lot. There was a discolored almost halo around the edges of you, like someone had been tracing over the outline of you over and over again. 

There was a sharp knock on your door and you stuffed the photo into the book again. 

“What?” You asked, tone softer than it had been when speaking to Joel in years. 

“Mind checkin’ this damn wound?” He asked through the door, his voice oddly gentle. “Since you’re here and all. Make yourself useful.” 

“Yeah,” you said. “Yeah, of course. No problem.” 

You made sure the photo was tucked away and set the book on the nightstand, keeping your fingers crossed that Joel didn’t realize which book you’d taken. 

***

Joel didn’t like that you’d taken to hiding in Tommy’s old room. 

He didn’t like that you were still here. Or so he tried to tell himself. Really, he didn’t like that you were still here without being here, like you were the ghost in his house in the same way it seemed you’d spent most of the last decade. You were just more corporeal now. 

He was used to you crossing his mind all the time. Used to the feeling that, any second now, you’d come around the corner as you finished braiding your hair or with a little bottle of nail polish in your hand or a book in fucking French tucked below your arm. He knew what to do with that. 

He didn’t know what to do with you actually here, in such close quarters. Especially not when you seemed to find such comfort in just the memory of his fucking brother - his brother who had damn near gotten you killed - and not Joel, who was actually here. 

Joel stared down the hall at Tommy’s - your - door. His wound ached. You’d checked it earlier, said there was no sign of infection and that things were coming along well. You refreshed his bandages and he’d try not to think about the way the soft skin of your arm felt when you brushed against his exposed flesh. 

That had been hours ago. He hadn’t heard a word from you since, not even the squeak of the mattress as you shifted and moved in ways he knew so well but couldn’t see. 

He shoved himself to his feet with a pained grunt and went to the door, the one that seemed to fucking haunt him now. He knocked once. 

“Yeah?” 

Your voice sounded thick. 

“Want a drink?” He asked. You were quiet. He pressed on. “Figured it was better than drinkin’ alone.” 

He gave you a minute and was about to give up on you responding when he heard small creaks on the other side of the door before it opened. 

“Whatcha got?” 

It took a few whiskeys before you stopped being quite so stiff at his kitchen table and Joel pulled out a deck of cards that had to have been old before the world fell apart but had somehow managed to stay complete. 

“Game’s Gin,” he said, dealing. “Remember how to play?” 

You rolled your eyes. 

“I’m not a total idiot, Miller.”

It was strange, drinking around you. Spending time with you in ways that weren’t required, being able to look at you in ways beyond brief, desperate glances driven by the subconscious need to never, ever forget just how you looked. The precise way your eyes were shaped or your brow arched or lips curved, the exact shade of your skin and your hair and your eyes. Because as much as he didn’t want to need these things, he did. He needed to know these parts of you the way a scholar needed to know his subject, with this obsessive, aching drive for more. 

It had never been enough before, the little pieces he was able to collect when you and Tess were distracted with other things and he could take in the new way your skin creased around your eyes, and it somehow wasn’t enough now, memorizing the way you pursed your lips as you organized your hand and the way your hair had fallen out of the braid that was tight against your skull. 

“Need somethin’ to change into?” Joel asked eventually. 

“Hm?” You looked at him over your cards. 

“Just…” he nodded to you. “Still wearin’ what you were when we came back from the run. Need somethin’ to change into?” 

“Oh,” you looked down at yourself and then shrugged. “I mean, I won’t argue with it but I don’t want to put you out. It’s not like anyone’s getting close enough to smell me. Oh God, please tell me you can’t smell me from across the table…” 

“No, Kid,” he laughed a little and took a sip of whiskey. “Can’t… can’t smell you.” 

He wondered if, below the grime of the world outside, you still smelled like lavender. 

“If you’ve got some stuff I can borrow then,” you shrugged before grabbing a card. Your face lit up a bit and you set a card down before fanning out your cards in front of you. “Gin.” 

“Well shit,” he said, looking over your cards. “You win.” 

Day 3 

He left you something to wear outside your door. 

Joel stared at the wall most of the night, telling himself it was because the fucking bullet hole was hurting more than it had been but that was bullshit. It had faded to a dull pain, one that was easily tolerable and certainly not enough to keep him up at night. 

No, instead he stared at the wall that he knew you were just beyond. His mind went over and over your face again and again, logging every single facet so he’d know the next time he was away from you for a while. But that wasn’t enough, either. He wanted to hear you breathing as you slept, wanted to salt away that information, too. He needed it, needed to add it to his collection of you. 

But you were out of reach. Asleep in his brother’s bed, the place where you’d chosen to be all those years ago and now left Joel wondering if you’d ever really left. If you’d ever have chosen Joel at all or if he’d just been a stop gap, a thing keeping you from Tommy all this time. 

It would have made sense, when he considered it. You were always softer and more open than Joel, always more like Tommy in that way. Maybe all he’d ever been was a placeholder. 

He was still awake when he heard you get up in the morning, heard you pause at the door before going to the bathroom and starting the shower. 

He hoped he’d find your hair in his shower later. 

Your hair was down and wet when you emerged, cautiously coming into the kitchen where Joel was making the shittiest excuse for coffee with instant packets that had expired so long ago it seemed like a miracle there was anything usable at all. You were in one of his flannels and sweatpants, the legs cuffed so you wouldn’t trip, your arms crossed tight over yourself. 

“Morning,” you said, glancing at him like he was a predator and you were prey. 

“Morning,” he said. “Feelin’ better?” 

“Yes, actually,” you said. He held a mug out to you and you took it with a slight frown. “Thank you.” 

He just nodded stiffly. 

“If you want to lie down,” you nodded toward the couch. “I can check your dressings again. The good news is, this might be the last time I really need to do it so…” 

Joel shrugged and obeyed, trying not to think about the sense of panic that flared in his chest at the thought of you not touching him anymore. 

It was something Joel had found almost impossible to hold within himself. There was this constant yearning, a pull towards you that was as persistent as gravity and twice as strong. He needed to be close enough to touch you, hold you, protect you. He needed to be close enough to love you. 

But standing in sharp contrast was the cold threat of you. The painful grip of it always there at the edges when he lived too long in the memory of loving you. It was a cruel and constant thing - one of the few constants Joel had found in his life in the QZ. He could let his mind wander to the memory of you asleep in his arms but, linger there too long, and the memory shifted to you pale and bleeding and nearly dead as he ran with your broken body to the clinic. The thought of you laughing all full and free with your hand on his chest would twist into you reaching for him and screaming as you were dragged away by raiders. Hell, spend too long trying to savor the memory of being deep inside you, the look on your face as you came undone under his touch, and his mind pulled him down into what McCarthy had described doing to you years ago. 

All it took was a second, a moment of Joel not protecting you when he should and you could wind up there again. He didn’t know how to live with that. He wasn’t sure he’d ever figured out how to live with loving you at a distance, either. Something that had become harsh and clear in the days the two of you had been locked down in his apartment. 

“This is looking good,” you said, nodding to yourself. Your hands were on his stomach.  “Think I can trust you not to fuck it up from here, don’t need me messing around with it anymore…” 

You got up and held your hand out, helping Joel sit up without pulling too much at his wound. 

“Thanks,” he said. “For making sure I don’t drop dead.” 

“Yeah, well,” you shrugged. “It’s what I do.” 

You gave him a tight smile and went back down the hall, Joel frowning after you for a moment before following. He knocked on the door and he heard you sigh before opening it a few seconds later. 

“Yes?” 

“Don’t…” Joel realized he didn’t really have a good reason to be standing at your door. “Don’t have to keep hidin’ in here. Sure you’re going stir crazy… Just come out here and…” 

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” You asked, brows raised. “We’ve managed to not kill each other so far, I don’t know that we want to push it.” 

“You really think being in the same room is gonna be pushing it?” 

You laughed a little and crossed your arms protectively over yourself. 

“Honestly? Yeah, kind of. I mean, Joel, come on. This is the most time we’ve spent together just the two of us since my first trip outside the QZ and we both know how that ended…” 

“Yeah,” Joel scoffed, his blood getting hot as he saw you standing there, in his brother’s room, next to his brother’s bed. “Ended with you hating me and jumping into bed with my fuckin’ brother…” 

“Jesus Christ, you cannot be serious,” you pinched the bridge of your nose. “Joel…” 

“What?” He propped an arm against the door frame, holding himself back from stalking into Tommy’s old room like he wanted to. “That not what fuckin’ happened? You all but disappear for months and the next thing I know you’re with him. What was it, hm? Was I just who you settled for because you thought he wasn’t interested? That it?” 

“No!” 

“You just waitin’ for a chance to…” 

“I was only with him because you left!” 

You yelled it at him. You so rarely yelled, usually so measured and soft and kind in damn near everything you did. He went quiet, the silence hanging heavy between you. 

“Do you think I was interested in him before?” You asked, quieter this time. “It was always you, Joel. From the day I met you, it was always you and you’re the one who left me. You’re the one who made me live without you after you made me love you and you don’t get to judge me for what I did to survive you hating me. Yeah, I probably fucked up with Tommy, by having him be anything more than a friend but I was so alone because you made me be so alone! You left me, Joel! I’m sorry I didn’t sit there and wait for you to decide you gave a shit again, I’m sorry I tried to find some semblance of a life without you because losing you was going fucking kill me if I didn’t! So stop holding Tommy against me, stop blaming me for what I had to do to survive losing you, what I’m still doing to survive losing you, because out of all the shitty things that have happened in my life that might just be the worst one!” 

Your eyes were shiny with tears and you were standing closer to him than he’d really realized until that moment and his hands were on your skin before he fully understood what he was doing. All he knew was he needed to touch you, feel you, taste you. 

His lips were on yours and swallowed the small, surprised squeak that slipped from you as he kissed you, mouth hot and needy against you. 

He’d expected you to push him back, to be mad or hurt. Instead, you threw your arms around his neck, body curving and arching into his. Your fingers tangled and knotted in his hair and you pressed yourself so tightly against him that he could feel every line of you through his clothes. 

“Joel,” you pulled away from him ever so slightly, sounding needy and breathless. “We shouldn’t do this…” 

“Why.” 

“We don’t work,” you tugged him closer but kept your lips from him. “We just hurt each other. And you have Tess, I have Derek, it’s not…” 

“Tell me you don’t want this,” he cut you off, his eyes searching yours. “Tell me to stop and I’ll stop.” 

For half a moment, Joel thought you were going to. But you didn’t. Instead, you kissed him again, a sense of urgency on your lips, like you were trying to devour him and he longed for you to swallow him up until there was nothing left. 

He pulled you into the hall, pressing you back against the wall and ignoring the pain at his hip when he did. In that moment, he didn’t care if it killed him. He needed to be inside you, to feel you close and tight around him. Being without you now would be a more painful end than ripping himself open inside, what difference did a bullet hole make? 

Joel pushed his leg from his uninjured side between your knees, shoving them apart and pulling your hips down on his thigh. You ground down against him and moaned into his mouth as you worked your core on his leg. 

“Fuck,” you breathed, pulling ever so slightly away from him, your pupils blown and lips swollen. “Joel, you’re hurt, we shouldn’t…” 

“Don’t care,” he pressed his mouth to your throat, earning him a delicious moan that hung in his ears like syrup on the tongue. “Need you, Baby. Need you so fuckin’ bad…” 

You clutched yourself closer to him, rocking your hips on him as he pulled you back from the wall and maneuvered you to his room, his bed, the place he woke up every day and looked for you, some part of his subconscious knowing that he belonged next to you. 

Your fingers pulled at his shirt, tugging it up and over his head before casting it aside and he nudged you onto the bed, taking his shirt off your body, too. 

“Joel…” you were sitting back on your elbows, the soft fullness of your chest bared to him as he crawled between your legs. “I can’t… I can’t do this and go back to being nothing to you, Joel, I can’t…” 

He looked in your eyes, a pain in them that he found sadly familiar now but it was harsher than he was used to, like you couldn’t keep it contained now so it was laid bare. 

“Oh, Baby,” he breathed, his hands finding your waist. You closed your eyes at his touch, breath catching in your throat. “You’re everything to me, everything. Always have been.” 

His lips moved to your throat, kissing and biting at the tender skin there as he pulled your pants down and off, you lifting your hips to help before putting your hand down his front to take hold of his cock with a moan. Joel moaned, too. He couldn’t help it, your touch was burned into his memory, what he longed for more than anything else and you were touching him. Your thumb grazed the head of his cock and he shuddered at the contact, whole body on fire with aching and desperate want. 

“Need you,” he panted into your lips. “Fuck, need inside you…” 

“Good,” you pressed your body against his and he felt his head graze your soft mound. “Because I need you, too. Never stopped…” 

He kissed you and pushed you into the bed before pressing his cock into your wet heat. You moaned as you took him into yourself, your back arching. You were so warm and tight around him, Joel had to focus to not come from just the feel of your body clutching onto him. 

“Goddamn,” he looked down to where he was buried in you to the root, your fingers sinking into his bicep as you panted for breath. He could feel you breathing, feel your heartbeat from inside you. Why had he wasted so much of his life fighting this when he could have been with you instead? In that moment - when he was buried deep inside of you and he could feel you everywhere, in everything - the fear he’d been so desperately fighting against faded to nothing. There was just you and everything you held, the whole of all his wanting looking up at him in quiet desperation. “Forgot… forgot just how good you feel, holy fuck.” 

“Need you to move,” your nails dug into his arm. “Fuck, please Joel, need you to move, please…” 

He wasn’t about to say no, even as your already tight walls clenched around him. He dropped his head to your chest and pulled out of you almost entirely, until just his head was left within you, before thrusting back in hard and deep. He kissed you again as he did, swallowing your needy sounds. 

Joel tried to hold back, the echo of some pain in his body and his mind, but he was too overwhelmed by you for it to last long. You met his every thrust, working your hips back up against his own as he fucked into you. 

“Fuck, Joel,” you wrapped one arm around his shoulders, digging your fingertips into his skin as he felt you getting so tight around him it almost hurt. “Fuck, I’m gonna… Joel, I’m gonna come, I can’t…” 

“Do it,” he slid an arm below your waist and pulled you tight and flush to his body, needing to feel as much of your skin as he possibly could. “Come for me, come for me, Baby, need to feel you, have to feel you, fuck Baby…” 

You whimpered and keened as your tight channel pulsed around his thick cock, squeezing him so tight it was like your body was pulling his own orgasm out of him. 

“I’m comin’ Baby,” he pressed into you deep and hard and you clung to him as he came undone, emptying himself into you. “I’m comin’, fuck, I’m comin’ so fucking hard, Goddamn…” 

He collapsed on top of you, his cock still twitching inside you. He couldn’t remember the last time he came that hard, felt quite that drained when he was done. His head rested on your chest, your heartbeat heavy against his cheek as your fingers trailed through his hair and his cock softened inside you. 

“Fuck,” he was still panting for breath when he pressed a kiss to your breast bone and slid from your body, the pain at his hip suddenly back with a vengeance, as he collapsed beside you. 

“We shouldn’t have done that,” you said quietly, turning your head to look at him. 

“Baby…” 

“We shouldn’t,” you said, your voice thick. “You’re hurt…” 

“Good think you’re a doctor.” 

You glared at him. 

“We just blew up our entire lives, Joel,” you said quietly, eyes wet. “I’m with Derek and I just fucked you because, what, you loved me once and felt bad letting me get shot in the QZ? This was stupid, this was so…” 

“No,” he shook his head. 

“No?” You raised your eyebrows at him. “No what?” 

“No to all of it,” he said. “I didn’t blow up a damn thing. I just finally was able to admit to myself that there isn’t anything to blow up without you, don’t want any of it without you.” 

“Joel…” 

“Been too scared of it all to admit that,” he pressed on. “But I can’t keep living like that, Baby. I can’t. And I don’t think you can, either.

“We’ve already wasted too much damn time,” he continued. “But I’m not wasting another minute of it, not when I could be with you. Not sayin’ there’s not shit to figure out - pretty sure we got a decade’s worth of it - but don’t ask me to waste more time. Please. Not when it comes to you.” 

Your eyes held his as you reached a hand forward and carefully, delicately, cupped his cheek, your thumb tracing his cheekbone. He brushed his lips against the inside of your wrist, feeling the flutter of your pulse against his mouth. 

“Think we can figure it out?” You asked. You sounded so uncertain, so afraid. 

Joel’s large hand covered your own, holding you against his chin. 

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “With you, think we can figure anything out.” 

[spacebarbarianweird]

Hello yes I would like to request stories/headcanons (whichever is easier) of toddler Alethaine and Astarion being chaos gremlins together.

Hi! Finally managed to write your request! Hope you will enjoy it!

Chaotic Elves

Summary: Astarion spends some quality time with Alethaine.

Tags: dadstarion, fluff, slice of life

Alethaine's age: 2-years-old

Thanks @themadlu for beta-reading!

Read on AO3

Masterlist

Headcanons Astarion also suddenly gets into Silmarillion and tells Alethaine the legend of how elves came to be "Tolkien-wise".

“Your turn!” Tiriel hands Astarion the two-year-old toddler in a black dress. The fabric is dirty, the left shoe is missing and Alethaine has leaves in her silver hair. 

Astarion barely manages to put down the books he’s been reading (some barely trustworthy book on Crinti, half-drow aristocracy from Halrua) before Alethaine is placed in his arms.

The girl immediately wraps her pale arms around Astarion’s neck and he feels a pricking sensation on his skin.

“Princess, we don’t bite.” He carefully pulls Alethaine away before she draws some of his bitter undead blood. “What did you do to make Mum so angry?”

“I am not angry, I am tired!” Tiriel exclaims. “And I can’t walk up to the ceiling when she runs away!”

“I climbed a tree,” Alethaine says, rubbing her left cheek. “And then I fell.”

“Yep, into the pile of leaves.” 

“I saw a dead rat there,” Alethaine proudly says. “It smelt bad.”

Tiriel yawns. Astarion physically feels that his darling wife needs at least ten hours of sleep.

“You can’t even imagine how difficult it was to make her let it go,” Tiriel says. “She has all the toys she wants, but she needs a dead rat.”

“Love, we have enough money to buy the most elegant dresses and yet you wear trousers and shirts,” Astarion kisses Tiriel. 

Tiriel kisses her daughter’s forehead. The dhampir smiles, showing her fangs. “Goodnight, kitten.”

“Bye, mama,” Alethaine mumbles and waves her little hand.

When Tiriel closes the door to the bedroom, Astarion places Alethaine on the kitchen table.

“So, what are we going to do tonight?” Astarion chuckles. “What does your dark, undead nature desire?”

Alethaine contemplates for a while. Her fangs make her look like a kitten and the lack of a proper breath makes her pass for a porcelain doll. “The rat! We will go see the rat! Oh,” Alethaine looks down at her feet. “I lost my shoe.” 

“Then we go looking for it, what do you think?”

And here the problem starts.

Alethaine’s mind is developed enough to understand she indeed misses a shoe. But even after a dozen explanations, she can’t understand that it won't miraculously appear in the house. 

The moment Astarion tries to head out carrying Alethaine on his shoulders, the dhampir has a meltdown – because no one should go out with only one shoe!

Astarion places Alethaine on the chair and gives her a plushie for distraction. Many of Alethaine's plushies are weird-looking but this one is definitely the weirdest. Half of it looks like a flayed unicorn, and the other half looks like an ogre zombie. The two parts are stitched together as if the unicorn and the zombie were victims of a warlock with a penchant for body horror.

Alethaine has called it Madame Fluffy.

It takes Astarion an eternity to find another pair of shoes that isn’t already too small for her. 

He definitely needs to either learn how to make them himself (he already makes her dresses after all) or go to the shoemakers and order new ones for Alethaine, all as pitch black as the rest of her things.

When he finally finds what he needs and returns back, Alethaine is already sitting on the ceiling and feeds Madame Fluffy with what looks like a dead spider.

Suddenly, the plushie falls down from her arms to the floor and the dhampir starts sobbing as if a fire pit opened below.

“Alethaine, come down,” Astarion asks. 

The girl doesn’t move. Then she gets up and tries to make a movement resembling a jump…

And nothing happens.

Alethaine cries, shaking her head and stretching her arms to her father.

“Someone is stuck, isn’t she?” Astarion puts the shoes on the floor near the plushie. “Well, what to do? Maybe Fluffy and I should go on our own?”

Alethaine gives out another cry but it seems like she really doesn’t know how to get down, as if her legs got glued to the ceiling.

Astarion reaches out for her, takes her hands in his, and pulls Alethaine with enough strength to end the effect of the spider climb.

The dhampir falls on his head and laughs. 

… The night meets them with silence and the intoxicating smell of the woods. Astarion’s instincts can sense the beasts walking among the trees, full of hot blood. It’s not just a forest near Daggerlake.

It’s part of ancient woods that once belonged to elves.

It’s full of magic, mysteries, cruel wonder, and ancient secrets. Dangerous for everyone except for those with elven blood and the undead.

Luckily, Astarion and Alethaine are both.

He lets Alethaine’s hands go to let the toddler explore the world around her. She is two and everything fascinates her.

“Look, look, a bird!” She points at the raven on the branch. “Bird!”

“It's a raven” Astarion kneels beside Alethaine to be more or less on the same level with her. “Ra-ven.”

“Riven.”

“Raven.”

“Riven!” Alethaine insists. Astarion decides not to push further. 

Then, something else attracts Alethaine’s attention. She freezes and then…

… Rushes up to the tree before Astarion can grab her hand…

By the time Astarion catches up with her, Alethaine has already reached the top of the pine and is giggling as it sways. 

Astarion sits close hoping Alethaine doesn’t suddenly forget her spider climb. Of course, she can regenerate, but he suspects certain wounds are too extensive to recover from.

To prevent the fall, Astarion squeezes the hem of her dress between his fingers.

“Stars,” she says looking up, absolutely mesmerized. 

Astarion follows her gaze. Yes, the stars are beautiful. Scattered on the black fabric of the skies, they shine and flicker like diamonds in a cave. 

“Look, those are the Sleepless Knights,” Astarion points at the constellation. “Many thousand years ago, they were the knights who made an oath to stand vigil of the North. They never dared to sleep. And when the king died, they ascended in the skies to always guard the North.”

Alethaine watches the skies with her mouth open.

“Some elves believe that when Corellon created us he put our ancestors to sleep,” Astarion continues. “And when Tel’Quessira woke up, the starry skies were the first thing we saw. That’s why we are so enchanted by them.”

Alethaine moves trying to sway the top of the tree but instead, the wood starts breaking.

Alethaine squeals and Astarion grabs her collar before the dhampir follows the piece of wood to the ground.

“It broke.”

“It broke indeed. Come down, I thought you wanted to show me the dead rat?”

“Yes! The rat! The rat!”

It takes Alethaine some time to find the place where she fell from the tree earlier in the daylight but she finally starts digging into a pile of dead leaves.

The rat’s corpse stinks of death and rot but still has blood in it. 

There was a time when Astarion had to feed on such things. 

“Alethaine! Don’t eat it!” Astarion grabs the dhampir’s hands to prevent her from putting the corpse into her mouth. “Put it down!”

Alethaine’s lips quiver and she starts crying yet again.

“We don’t eat dead things!”

Alethaine stomps and tries to set herself free. Her grip is almost as strong as Astarion's and he has to wrestle her to get rid of the rat.

Finally, he takes a hold of it and throws it away into the woods, hoping it gets lost for good.

Alethaine starts screaming.

She screams with this annoying pitch only toddlers are capable of. She chokes on her tears, rubs her face, stomps, and tries to bite Astarion.

He hears a door opening. 

“What the hell is going on?!” A sleepy man, the local smith, looks out.

“I didn't let her eat the dead rat. '' Astarion ushers Alethaine away. The girl punches his chest with her tiny fists.

“Oh, that’s you. Go and scream in the woods, us humans need to sleep through the night!” The smith slams the door.

Astarion decides to follow his advice.

The path takes father and daughter to the lake. The water’s surface reflects the twinkling stars. Astarion likes still waters; they do not hurt him.

There were no lakes in Baldur’s Gate, only a dirty river. And a month after Astarion got rid of the tadpole in his brain and forever lost the ability to walk in the sun, he came across a lake…

He swam as if the lake water were washing the bad memories off his skin. And Tiriel looked like a dryad from a distance.

…The same legend that says elves were put to sleep and woke up seeing stars also says elves awoke near a beautiful lake…

Alethaine, still angry and crying, keeps fighting and Astarion puts her on the ground. Then, still keeping an eye on his daughter, he takes off his boot, and dives into the cold water. 

So peaceful…

“Daddy!!” Alethaine rushes to him still crying. “Don’t!”

“What is it, princess? Are you finally in the mood for talking?”

From her muffled cries and barely understandable sentences, Astarion manages to realize that Alethaine thought he was leaving her.

“Princess, I just gave you some time to think,” Astarion chuckles. By this time, the water already reaches up to his waist. He can’t care less about clothes – he can always dry them at home.

Alethaine refuses to enter the water but keeps reaching up to him.

Astarion returns to the shore and sits on the wet sand. Alethaine crawls up to his lap and presses her face against his chest.

“I won’t eat the rat,” she says.

“Good. I had to eat rats before and it wasn’t a good experience.” He strokes her silver hair.

Some time passes and Astarion notices Alethaine’s eyes are closed and her heartbeat is much slower than it was before. 

When they both return home, the dhampir is already fast asleep. He puts her on her bed, undresses her, quickly washes her skin of dirt before she catches a cold, and dresses her for the night. 

She wakes up only for a moment demanding her toy and, once Madame Plushie is back, Alethaine nestles under the blanket.

Astarion adores her facial features. So delicate and yet so fierce. His baby. His baby daughter. She is only two, but her personality is already showing off. 

She has centuries of life ahead and Astarion will be able to see her growing up.

Still smiling like a lovestruck idiot, he opens the door to the master’s bedroom and joins Tiriel in bed. He hugs her from behind and kisses her shoulder.

Tiriel’s heartbeat is his favorite sound and he concentrates on listening to it.

Life is perfect, he thinks. Everything is perfect.

--

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[crystelia]

mxtx and body horror

I'm currently trying to finish up a MDZS fic that I've been working on for a few months (man is it turning out longer than I expected). And I'm writing some canon typical body horror.

ANYWAY... it made me think about the body horror in her works and how much I love it. Besides her expert character writing, the horror aspect is something she is really good at. Her descriptions are just so visceral. It's present in all of her books in one way or another. She is good at utilizing them to drive home the stakes of a situation.

In SVSSS, it cuts through even SY's humor. Impressive considering how repressed that man is lol. Like he's going around saying "haha I'm a dumb idiot that got poisoned." But when that system punishment sequence hit it HIT.

One of my favorite TGCF moments is actually those corpse-eating rats that replicated human speech. I don't hear a lot of people talking about it since they're not really the focus of Tonglu Mountain. It does a good job of setting up the eerie atmosphere and showing a literal echo of the dead. Same with Banyue and the human fertilizer. Of course, there is the mile-long list of shit that XL had to go through. I think fanart often downplays the gore. Like no way that man isn't a pile of flesh after 100 swords.

MDZS has those Yiling Laozu torture scenes. Cathartic and terrifying. It was the epitome of what war does to a good man. For LWJ to see the aftermath of that and still want to help just really shows his belief in WWX. Also, the way MXTX is able to use the gore to show love. The bodies of the past Wen Sect members rising from the blood pool to protect their family... ugh its all so good.

This is also an aspect of Chinese censorship that really sucks. A large majority of this is not able to be adapted. They have to make the characters more black and white. Ghosts, demons, and such are also rewritten in the shows.

But yeah, I hope scenes like these are present in her new book (if that ever comes out).

[threepandas]

Bad End: Traps

"Darling~!" A rich voice greeted me, as I stepped through the final doors leading to an opulent office. "You're looking better! Are you finally adjusting to the anti-poisons? I know they made you feel quite sick."

THAT was an understatement. Try worst cramps and fever of my life, with a dose of puking for days. They put me on IVs. Buuuut? I wasn't gonna say THAT. Not a chance in hell. We, team Earth that is, were supposed to be here for DIPLOMACY. So? Fucking LIE~☆

Yep! "Bit" sick. Just a touch. Hardly noticed, really. Took a nap.

Veneni laughed, rising from the elegant sprawl she'd been resting on one of her "not called couches but totally are" things. To be honest, her voice reminds me of those old "radio stars" from the clips at the museums. All smooth yet husky, curling around you, like they're going to invite you somewhere dark to learn a naughty little secret if you're very VERY good.

Kind of voice you could listen too for HOURS, reading the most boring shit imaginable, and it be the best time you'd had in years.

I am... SO gay, for Veneni.

Like? You DO NOT UNDERSTAND. She SASHAYS. Not walks. Not strolls. Sashays! Like life is a catwalk and she is the alpha bitch here to show these other models how it's DONE. But also? Like she doesn't even NOTICE! It's just... effortless. How she moves. All delicate hand motions and rolling hips and curves.

That I Can Not Touch because she is SUUUUPER poisonous.

Which is? Frankly? Homophobic and a crime against me, specifically. Yeah, her whole species is like that. And it's why all of us are suffering through the Anti-poison adjusters. But STILL! I can't even "accidentally" brush her hand? No potential kissing of hot hot hot alien gf? Illegal. Blocked. Everyone here is a bastard and I want to complain.

.....not, mind you, that I have the metaphorical lady balls to actually CONFESS anything.

But you know... maybe.... maybe if I pine hard enough?

Good ol' stand awkwardly nearby and mentally project "NOTICE ME SEMPAI!" At her? I put on my nice outfit! Makes the girls look-! Wait, does her species even give a shit about boobs? FUCK. Okay, see this? THIS is why I was a flight assist. Just inventory and handing stuff to people who knew what they were doing.

MASTER of the fine arts of "I Can Understand The Instruction Manuel, In Case Of Emergency"!

Pretty good at coffee, too. Not to brag.

But, like? Jokes aside? Things had been... Bad.

Everything had gone to shit. Then somehow found a shovel in the manure pile and started digging. Started OUT okay! Really, it had! Travel was unexpectedly a bit rough. Some sort of space storm that went RIGHT over my head, but we dodged every major catastrophe. Got here in one piece.

There was a fancy meeting party. Whiiiich? In hindsight? Terrible idea. WAY too many people with hella poisonous skin, standing WAY too close. Only reason we didn't IMMEDIATELY lose the head diplomate? Was the regulation "new planet, unknown pathogens" full body biosuit. He? Got a HUG. Like... right out the ship.

Oof. That would have been IT, for him. Unfortunately, he didn't make it past that much longer. Someone's pet bit him. And? Yep. Completely fucking venomous. Lethally so. A tragedy, right? Outlier, surely?

Ha!

No. No this planet was trying to fucking kill us. It was a toxin coated hellpit and had so far? Murdered just over half the diplomatic crew. Those that were still alive? Over half of THEM were in emergency care. With just over a forth of the OTHER survivors being the only ones who could safely care for them.

Rest of us were either in isolation or sick as FUCK.

Isolation for those who needed to get rescued, because the Anti-poison adjusters would fucking kill them. Or sick as hell, for those few who remain that finally, FINALLY had found a way to Not DIE.

ALL WHILE PEACE TALKS WERE TRYING TO HAPPEN.

It was a shit show~☆

I? Went from basically a nobody? To "congrats! By merit of NOT being dead or dying, you're the head diplomat by proxy!" Which? Fucking WHAT? You could physically SEE the stress radiating off the poor guys back home, as they tried to speed run me through "how to not Accidentally A War 101".

I was pretty sure his cup, did in fact, NOT contain coffee. But I wasn't telling.

Instead, I got the honor of carrying the video call. Literally. Since our tech was incompatible. I got to carry the whole set up. Portable battery included. So the ACTUAL Really, Actually, Trained In Diplomacy, Diplomat could call in. And then I could look pretty and nod seriously at the appropriate times.

Mmmmhmmm. Yes. I agree. I both understand what is being said, AND support Earth's position on these matters! I have definitely studied the materials. Am supposed to be here. We have DEFINITELY suffered no catastrophic loses, pay no attention to the chaos behind the curtains! Diploooomacyyyyy....

God, she is pretty.

Watching her smile, her sensors gently shift around her like flowing water, the way her hand delicately gestured as she spoke? I... I wanted to build her, like, a cabin or something. Bring her breakfast in bed. Maybe adopt an alien dog together. And like? I don't even KNOW how to build shit. But, fuck it. I'd learn.

Cause I mean... you KNOW you got it bad, when you look at Toxic Super Hell the planet, look at pretty lady, look BACK at the planet that in no uncertain terms ACTIVELY thirsts for your blood... and go?

"So when do I move? Feeling REAL patriotic for my new home! Wooo, New Home!"

Yes I have a problem. Shut up, I'm aware.

A quite click signaled the end of their talks. Finally done for the day. I definitely, in now way shape or form, perk up like an excited puppy hearing the word "walkies". Because that? THAT would suggest I had WAY more dignity. I am a thirsty, thirsty bitch, okay? SO PRETTY. Nice laugh! Calls me Darling!! I have a LIST!!!

"Mmmm, what an unpleasant man that was. Did something happen to Mr. Ho?" She asked, stretching in the slow rolling way of hers. It looked boneless and decadent. REALLY distracting. "I hope nothing Serious~. We were nearly on the cusp of getting you home! I do hope he gets well soon. But, ah~, where ARE my manner today, Darling? You must be starving!"

Veneni sweeps forward to tuck my arm in hers, pulling me against her side. Even through my biosuit and her modest dress... I... I can FEEL her body heat. How soft and warm she feels pressed close against me. She smells tingly and spiced, kinda like citrus and mulled cider. NOT! That I'm smelling her! WHICH I'M NOT!! Because that would be so, SO creepy! It's just-!? You know-?! AaaaaaAAA???

She guides me to our little table. Probably set up for guests in general. But... you know... kinda like to THINK of it? As ours?

I REALLY need to stop while I am ahead. Good fucking gods. Ignore me.

Mmm, yes, distraction cake! Let's talk about THAT instead! Wonder what she-? I then choked on my drink. Because... because after bringing out the usual traditional deserts of she was teaching me about? And dishes I could try? Veneni... c.. casually as you please rests her chin, propped up on one hand, then reaches out with the other... to place it on my hand, which rests on the table between us.

Hear that? That's my soul screaming at a pitch only dolphins can make.

OH MY GOD.

I'd like to say? I don't immediately embarrass myself? But that's a lie. I make a wheeze reminiscent of something dying horribly. Against all odds. She is NOT immediately disgusted and done with me. Dear lord, my parents may actually have a chance at seeing me married! Holy FUCK.

Wait. No. Slow your roll.

SMILE first. We GOT this! Seduce her!

I open my mouth... and stupid fell out. FUCK.

"Calm yourself, Darling!" She laughs, the bemused fondness lighting up her face. "You hardly need to impress ME! Believe me. I knew you were mine the second I saw you. Nothing could possibly change that~"

Her cute fangs catch the light, deadly sharp. Her's is a predatory species. I wonder if they like social touch? Cause I REALLY want to cuddle. Hold hands. Touch. Ooooother stuff~ But! Mostly the Hold Cute Alien GF! Assuming that's where this is headed. Please GOD let that be where this is headed!

"I was thinking... and I don't want to be too forward, of course," oh god please do "and I hope I'm not interpreting things incorrectly!" You are not. Take me you magnificent, purple, high femme queen amongst the masses. "But... I would VERY much like to... get to know you, Darling. On a more... personal level...?"

I kept my lips pressed desperately together to keep from literally shouting the word "Yes" in her face. Be cool. BE COOL! We are both cool and Very Normal About This! Scream in incoherent joy later!

Y..Yeah! Sounds great!

This is the best day of my-!

An explosion shook the biodome. While the whole planet WAS toxic as fuck? There were levels to it's toxicity. Some places too much for even native life forms to handle. And, of course, no place that non-natives could safely survive. Thus the capital's biodome. Highly filtered air, earth, and resources. Built for diplomacy and several critical care hospitals.

Now under attack. Another bomb exploded. Cracks in the dome.

I could only stare in mute horror at the pillar of smoke. Because... Because that was the isolation area. Our evac's. Someone just blew up... Then my brain seemed to comeback online all at once, as adrenaline flooded my system. I looked between the still unpacked call system and Veneni.

A piece of tech or a high ranking, probably high interest target. My maybe hopefully girlfriend. Not really much of a choice.

Fucking LEAVE IT.

We had to go. I pulled Veneni up, told her as much. She looked so startled.

"Of... Of course, Darling. Yes. You're right. I AM probably a target, aren't I?" The thought didn't seem to have occurred to her. God, I felt like a monster having to bring such ugliness to her attention. Scaring her like this. But ignorance wouldn't keep either of us safe.

"I...I think there was a safe room?" She faltered, arms crossing almost artfully, looking so uncertain I couldn't help but want to comfort her. "But, Darling, I'll admit.. I'm.. I think I'm rather scared. Will you protect me? Stay with me? ...please?"

I couldn't help it. She looked so scared. So delicately small. I stepped forward, arms going around her. Pulling her close like I could shield her from the world. I wouldn't let anything happen to her. I promised myself. Felt her arms, a few of her sensors, desperately curl around me.

I didn't see the smile, pressed against my front. That quickly vanished as she pulled back. Nor did I notice the calm technician, hidden in the shadows of a side hall, who nodded at Veneni as I herded her to "safety". Would think nothing of how, tragically, my rooms were hit in the follow up blasts. How very lucky, that Veneni has rooms to spare. But oh~ she would not want to over step!

I don't notice a lot of things. But hey, things are great! I got a girlfriend! Or, as she likes to joke,

She Got Me.

[argisthebulwark]

Time Moves Slow - Cicero

sfw, gn reader, depiction of delusions/recurring nightmares Summary: After returning from Sovngarde the Dragonborn finds that a handful of hours for them has been years for those in Tamriel and reunites with their loved one.  Others Linked: Vilkas, Brynjolf, Farkas, Teldryn, Miraak

Trudging through the endless sea of snow, you thought only of what awaited you at home. Northern winds whipped loose hair around your face and fat flakes of snow left speckles on your stained armor. You reminded yourself that the hardest part was over - Alduin and Sovngarde would be forgotten once you got into a steaming bath. All you had to do was make it back to the Sanctuary. 

Luckily you were able to avoid trekking through Dawnstar. The Dragonborn showing up in shredded Dark Brotherhood armor would raise more questions than you could answer. The sea crashed at your side when you stomped along the frigid beach, sending a fresh blast of cold air through the rips in your armor. Ducking out of the storm you collapsed into the silence of home.

Sparse echoes revealed very few were in the Sanctuary - new recruits were on trial contracts and your fellow assassins were hard at work. Banners lining the Sanctuary's blank stone walls seemed worn, some patched in places you'd never noticed. You'd have to ask one of the others. Nazir would likely tease you for paying so little attention to your surroundings.

Hauling your broken body down the hallway the hairs on the back of your neck rose - something felt off. The voices floating through the stone halls were unfamiliar. The candles flickering on a nearby table smelled floral despite Cicero's preference for unscented. Strange cloaks were piled near the staircase.

Panic chilled your blood. Memories of the Penitus Oculatus came flooding back. Without thinking your blade was in your hand, heart racing as you stalked deeper into your home. Ears strained for any sign of battle you slid toward the central hub of the Sanctuary.

No one in the kitchens. No sign of danger in the main hall. A few calm murmurs behind closed doors were all you found when you slunk down the final corridor, the one home to each assassin's private chambers. That deep sense of dread was unshakable, gut sinking when you noted the unfamiliar names scrawled over previously empty rooms.

Thank the gods your chambers appeared untouched. Without alerting the rest of the Brotherhood you tiptoed into your bedroom, releasing a shaky breath after clicking the lock in place. Perhaps you'd simply forgotten the names of a few recruits. Nazir must've approved them in your absence. Nothing was wrong. You just needed a bath and a long nap.

"Listener?"

Mere steps from the bath you halted. Cicero's voice stopped you dead in your tracks. You hardly heard his movements when he sat up from your bed - you should've known. His own chambers hadn't been touched since the first night together, of course he'd wait in your bed. Separation wasn't his strong suit.

"Hello my love." Despite your attempt to quell the nervousness your voice sounded shrill. You didn't want to turn to him, didn't want him spotting the anxiety in your expression. It would only worry him further.

“Silly Listener, you’re teasing Cicero again.” His laugh was high pitched and dreamy, sending shivers down your spine. What had he meant by that? Again? “Stop being mean to your loyal Keeper.”

“What do you mean?” 

“You always do this!” Any hint of his laughter was gone. Your blood chilled when the bed creaked, your only sign that he'd gotten to his feet. “You show up just to taunt and silly Cicero falls for it every time. Go on, say it and disappear! Leave poor Cicero alone!”

“Say what, Cicero?” Something was clearly off. Your heart ached for your poor, lonely Keeper. Turning toward the bed you tried to find him in the oppressive darkness, barely able to make out your beloved's frame through all the shadows.

It was all wrong. Cicero's wavy hair was cropped short, his familiar smile reduced to a mean smirk. The gash on his face you'd dabbed clean that morning was nothing but a nasty scar. His eyes pinned you in place when he stepped into the faint halo of candlelight. Your gut had been right - something had gone terribly wrong while you were in Sovngarde.

“What is a Keeper without a Listener?” His nose wrinkled, tone a taunting mockery of yours. It hurt to see his brows furrow, so clearly confused. "What is Cicero without his Listener?"

“What, my Cicero?” His shoulders sagged, all the rage disappearing as he sunk to your bed. Cicero’s watery eyes stared at your boots and you dared another step closer. The urge to touch him was overwhelming, to prove that you were really with him.

“Nothing.” His broken little whisper wrecked you. Swooping down before Cicero you heard him muttering, tears streaking down his cheeks. “The fool is nothing. Nothing.” 

"You are my whole heart." Your voice wobbled with the immense weight of emotions threatening to reduce you to tears. You couldn't comprehend what he'd been through - visited by horrible visions in your absence. "How long has it been since we last met, my Keeper?"

"Years." His voice was flat, eyes tracking each of your movements. You couldn't push him. "Cicero let the real Listener go years and years ago."

"And what of the fake Listeners?"

"The real Listener would never talk to loyal Cicero like that."

"That's right." Stubborn arms wrapped around his middle, protecting himself from you. Cicero sniffled, staring down at the hands you kept in your lap. "Who do you think I am, my dear Cicero?"

Finally, he met your gaze. The unfathomable pain you found in his eyes knocked the breath from your lungs. Your absence had clearly wrecked him.

"My Listener?" The tiniest hint of hope resided in his words. You wanted to hug him, to tackle him onto your bed but you couldn't spook him. Tucking the messy hair away from your face you leaned closer, banishing any fear from your mind. No matter what had changed he was always your Keeper, your Cicero.

Tentative fingers brushed over your cheek. Cicero's hands shook when they cupped your face, wide eyes reflecting the lone candle. You took in every bit of him you could - the scars, the hair, he'd changed. You'd been gone years.

"My Listener." It was no longer a question. Needy hands dragged you closer, laughs blooming against your skin where Cicero smothered you in kisses. He murmured your title over and over as he came to terms with the fact that it was truly you, not some nightmare.

Nimble fingers made quick work ridding you of the ruined armor before his limbs enveloped you. Cicero's warmth and the soft mattress were wonderful under your aching bones. Humming happily Cicero draped a blanket over you, gentle touches roaming over your body as he confirmed your presence.

"I'm sorry for leaving, my love." You spoke into his skin, pressed firmly against him. "I'll never leave you again."

"My funny Listener." Cicero sighed, finally content. His hands stroked through your tangled hair and you heard a displeased grumble. "You made a lot of work for your Keeper. Laundry, mending, bathing."

"I'm sorry, my beloved." You mumbled, on the verge of sleep. You wanted to apologize for that and so much more.

"Loyal Cicero forgives you, Listener."

[sweetbutpsychobutsweet]

Owe You One

Chapter 6

Thorin Oakenshield x AFAB!Reader

Summary: A new discovery about the nature of orcs leads to a drastic decision on your part. And Thorin surprises you by behaving in a very un-Thorin-like manner

Warnings: angst, no use of y/n, implied eating disorder/starvation to avoid menstruation

author's note: Hope y'all enjoyed the events of last chapter😉 I'm working on creating a master list for my page so it's easier to navigate through my fics in the future!

Also, without giving away too much of what happens in this chapter, I added in the warnings that there are mentions of the reader starving herself to delay getting her period. Because it doesn't come from a place of body dysmorphia I didn't want to mislabel it as anorexia, but if this is a potentially triggering topic for you please be aware that you might want to skip the next few chapters.

If you or someone you know is suffering from an eating disorder you can call the helpline at ♥888-375-7767♥

Word count: 1622

You allow yourself a few minutes to just sit on the bed in your towel. It takes some time to form a coherent thought, and even longer to regain feeling in your legs. 

Once you do finally gather enough energy to stand you make your way over to the armoire to dress for dinner. Your stomach is already starting to rumble in anticipation of the feast you know will be waiting for you just down the hall so you decide to dress quickly. 

You choose a dress you know you can slip into easily, not wanting to fuss with pulling on trousers at the moment. You pull on a clean chemise to go underneath, then choose one of your favorite evening dresses to pull on. It’s a dark, forest green color, made of a shimmery fabric that catches in the light with your every movement. The sleeves flow down your arms before splitting open at the elbow to drape loosely down the rest of your arms. The laces cross in the front of the bodice instead of the back so you can tie them easily yourself.

Not wanting to wrangle with your wet mess of hair you simply pile it on top of your head and pin it in place. You step into a pair of matching silk slippers and head out the door, following the mouthwatering smell of Elven cuisine.  

You force yourself to walk slowly down to the dining hall, worried the others might be suspicious if you arrive too soon after Thorin does. 

You pass through elegant archways to find your company poking at the vegetables before them with great displeasure. But not quite as much displeasure as you feel when you realize the only seat left is right next to Thorin.

You had hoped to avoid him for a while in a vain attempt to put off the inevitable discussion that will need to be had. About what happened between the two of you, and what exactly it means moving forward.

“These swords were made for the goblin wars of the first age,” Lord Elrond is explaining when you take your seat between him and Thorin. “How did you come by these?” he asks curiously.

“We found them in a troll hoard on the great east road shortly before we were ambushed by orcs.” Gandalf replies with excitement.

Lord Elrond looks at you with suspicion. “And what were you doing on the great east road?”

“Weren’t you listening?” you ask as you start to pile food onto your plate, “we were being ambushed by orcs.”

Your Elven friend simply laughs, knowing better than to try and get an answer out of you. 

“We’re incredibly lucky you arrived when you did,” you tell him, “we’d probably all have our heads mounted on spikes by now if it hadn’t been for you.”

“We were doing just fine,” Thorin grumbles from beside you but you elect to ignore him. 

“They are vicious creatures,” Lord Elrond agrees with you. “While you’re here I’ll have to show you some literature I recently found on some of their hunting strategies. Some scholars seem to believe that orcs are able to smell blood from several miles away. If their intended target loses so much as a drop of blood they’re as good as dead with an orc pack on their trail.”

You freeze with your fork midway to your mouth. 

Blood? You think to yourself in panic as you start to do the math in your head. 

You drop your fork onto your plate in alarm and everyone turns to look at you in concern. You smile sheepishly and reach for your water goblet with a trembling hand. Everyone turns back to their conversations.

Everyone except Thorin. Whose gaze you can feel burning a hole in your head.

You refuse to meet his eyes, too afraid that if he sees the panic on your face he’ll be able to realize the exact same thing you just did.

Orcs can smell blood, and your menstrual cycle is due to start in five days. 

If its true that even a single drop can attract orcs from miles away, then the pack currently hunting you will certainly notice if you suddenly start to lose a large amount of blood.

If Thorin and the others find out that the only female member of the company is about to pose a great risk to everyone’s lives then the only logical solution would be for them to leave you behind. 

For Thorin to leave you behind. Again. 

You’ll be left bleeding and alone while they go off to continue reclaiming Erebor without you.

You know it isn’t fair to blame them. It’s not their fault you have this monthly inconvenience any more than it's yours. It is for the good of the company that you stay behind for a little while if you’re about to start bleeding.

Unless you don’t start bleeding, you realize.

You look down at your plate as an idea starts to form in your head.

The stress of the journey will likely cause your cycle to come late anyway. But if you were to stop eating for just a few days, that would definitely prevent your cycle from coming. At least long enough to put more distance between you and the orcs. 

You push your plate away from you, your decision made. Certainly, you can manage to go a few more days without eating, if it means saving the company from any further risk. Your stomach grumbles at you in protest and you can tell Thorin is still looking at you with suspicion. But that will be a problem for later. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Our business is no concern of elves,” Thorin’s voice echos off the walls of the dark study you have all gathered in.

“Here we go,” you mutter to yourself.

“For goodness sake, Thorin, show him the map!” the wizard cries with mounting frustration at the leader of your company.

“It is the legacy of my people, it is mine to protect as are its secrets,” Thorin replies stubbornly. 

“Thorin,” your voice is gentle but assertive and for the first time since dinner his eyes finally meet yours.

“You can trust Lord Elrond, I promise.” he remains silent as his eyes search your face. You can still see the dark cloud of his inner turmoil as he struggles to hold his ground against you and Gandalf. His resolve may be starting to crack, as he realizes this is in the best interest of the quest. But knowing Thorin he would rather die than admit defeat. 

“Save me from the stubbornness of dwarves!” Gandalf cries, ��Your pride will be your downfall.  You stand here in the presence of one of the few in middle earth who can read that map, show it to Lord Elrond!”

Thorin gives no indication that he heard a word Gandalf said. His gaze has not left yours. 

“If you won’t trust Lord Elrond, will you at least trust that Gandalf has our best interests at heart?” you ask him with a sigh. “Will you trust me, Thorin?”

He remains silent, clenching his fists at his side, and your irritation grows as you steel yourself for him to refuse yet again.

But he doesn’t.

He reaches into his tunic and pulls out the map.

“Thorin, no!" Balin protests but Thorin simply shrugs him off and hands the map over.

Lord Elrond begins to carefully unfold the map as you repeatedly open and close your mouth in shock, not knowing what to say. 

Thorin averts his eyes from you as Lord Elrond and Gandalf begin discussing amongst themselves. Their voices fade around you in a blur and your attention drifts away as it can only seem to focus on one thing: why would Thorin do that? 

He never backs down, not even when he realizes he’s in the wrong. Even before there was this tension between the two of you, convincing Thorin to set aside his pride when he feels so strongly about something is next to impossible. 

What could have possibly caused him to change his mind this time?

“Cirth Ithil,” you hear Lord Elrond say and your attention immediately snaps back to the present moment.

“Moon runes!”  you translate with breathless excitement. 

“Of course!” Gandalf cries, “An easy thing to miss.”

“Well in this case that is true,” continues Lord Elrond, “moon runes can only be read by the light of a moon of the same shape and season as the day on which they were written.”

“Can you read them?” comes the important question.

Lord Elrond leads the others off to a moonlit space where the runes will be illuminated. But before Thorin can follow the others you reach out to grab his arm, pulling him back from the group.

He turns over his shoulder to look back at you but avoids meeting your eyes.

“Why did you do that?” you ask him, “What made you change your mind?”

He gently removes your hand from his arm and turns to face you fully. Your breath catches in your throat as he takes a step closer to you and memories of what happened in that pool earlier that same evening come rushing back. 

You hadn’t noticed until now that a strand of hair had fallen loose from the others, and hung by your cheek. Thorin reaches up gently to tuck it behind your ear. His warm palm lingered against your cheek.

“It’s like you said,” he mumbles as your eyelids flicker in anticipation, “I owe you one.” his hand falls away from your face and you can’t help but feel more than a little disappointed as he turns to follow the others outside.

Next Chapter

Taglist:

@mrsdurin @thetaekwondofeline

[istadris]

Been a while since I offered a Bowuigi AU idea! Buckle up, this one is going to be rough 😈

It all starts with a typical, run of the mill battle of the Bros against another villain on the outskirts of the Mushroom Kingdom. For once Bowser is on their side. Well, sort of, he wants the same thing as the villain and won't take no for an answer. All in all, your usual boss battle.

Until it's not.

Something goes wrong wrong wrong, the villain triggers something, a huge explosion is about to happen, Mario grabs Luigi's hand and flings him away to safety right before everything goes KABOOM!!

All goes dark for Mario.

When he wakes up, he's stuck under rubble and it takes him hours to get out. Outside, everything is...different. The battlefield was barren and scorched when he last left, now it's lush and green in the bright sun. There is no one around.

Whatever, Mario thinks, the priority is to make it back to the MK castle. But it's easier said than done; the bridge he wanted to take is broken, the usual warp pipes don't work...

He comes across some Shy Guys at some point and instead of attacking him, they shriek and run. Mario follows them, and that leads him to one of Bowser's floating fortresses. On Mushroom Kingdom territory.

More and more worried about Peach or Luigi being prisonners,Mario manages to sneak inside and starts looking for his friends.

That's when he comes across Bowser.

Who looks a lot rougher than the last time he saw him. But what's surprising is how flabbergasted Bowser looks at his sight, before turning absolutely furious and charging, attacking Mario with a rage and desperation he's rarely witnessed, roaring "LEAVE US ALONE !!!".

Mario fights, and although he's not in top shape, manages to land some big blows on Bowser, and even gets him into a position where he can jump on him and deal a serious attack as Bowser is laying on the ground.

But right before his foot can connect, a blast of lightning intercepts Mario and sends him flying.

"Get away from my husband, bastardo!!!"

That voice...Mario looks up, and, standing defensively in front of Bowser, fists cracking with lightning...

"Luigi??"

"...Mario ??"

Bowser gets back up and immediately scoops up Luigi:

"You know it's not him! You know it's happened before! Stop falling for the tricks of that...thing !"

And before Mario can react, Koopa Troopas pile on him and manage to overcome him.

Once he's locked away and everyone has calmed down, he progressively learns the following facts:

It's been years since the battle.

He's been dead. Not missing : dead. His body, or what was left of it, was buried by Luigi and Peach in the aftermath of the battle.

Everyone in the Mushroom kingdom was heartbroken, of course, especially Luigi and Peach, but Bowser was more affected than everyone expected by his archnemesis' death. To the point he fell into a deep depression and started neglecting his kingdom.

King Boo saw an opportunity and turned on him, attacking the Darklands and capturing Bowser and his family. Luigi, initially looking for missing Toads, accidentally came to Bowser's rescue.

That was when the first impostor came along. Right after King Boo was defeated, something vaguely shaped like Mario with red eyes showed up and attacked them both. Bowser and Luigi, reacting on instinct, protected each other. Luigi was in a deep state of shock afterwards, to the point Bowser, himself deeply shaken, kept him and nursed him back to health.

Luigi stayed in the Darklands for some months after that. They started bonding. Luigi was angry at Bowser, of course, but he took being in their enemy's care as his punishment. He couldn't stay at the Mushroom castle, feeling guilty and ashamed whenever he was around Peach, and unable to talk about his brother with her. Bowser was the closest persn to Mario aside from Peach and himself, and they started having long discussions about his brother. Then it moved to other subjects. Then Bowser started showing a different side of him, one that gave Luigi the comfort he deeply needed. Then Junior grew attached to Luigi.

When they started dating, another Mario clone showed up. Still a poor imitation, but just a bit more similar to the original. They defeated him, but it burned away and they couldn't gather enough information to know where to look.

It showed up again. And again. Each time Luigi and Bowser grew closer, another Mario clone would show up out of nowhere to attack them. And each clone was closer to the original than the previous one.

The one who attacked when peace was signed before the Darklands and the MK had a normal human skin (instead of a dark metallic one).

The one who attacked when Luigi officially moved to the Darklands had blue eyes.

The one who attacked on their wedding day could speak.

Luigi was now scared of that new threat showing up. And yet he was sure this one wasn't just a clone, this was the real Mario! Somehow back from the dead!

...Right ?

That was what Mario learned.

But what he concludes is this : Bowser must be behind all this. He has magicians who dabbled in necromancy, he has cloning magic, he would be able to do this. Mario didn't understand why Bowser pretended to love Luigi instead of Peach, but he was convinced all of this relationship was some kind of ploy to get revenge on Mario and use Luigi. And Luigi had to be under some influence to love and trust Bowser. It had to be. It couldn't be otherwise!

....Right?

.

Is Bowser sincere in his sentiments for Luigi? Has he been using him since the beginning? Is Mario the real Mario or the most advanced version of these evil clones? Who is right? Who is wrong?

[echantedtoon]

Ocean Deep Ch12 Interlude P2

(Warnings: Mentions of killing and murder.

It's short but it is just supposed to be an interlude chapter to show more interactions between Rengoku and Yn and his feelings on the subject.)

taglist: @six-eyed-samurai @lavenderdrxp @jjamsbangtan @camilo-uwu @hopefulworld1

@shadyd3ar @amypop122 @azuredragonstrike

@mimisweetz @chaoticoperatorduckhairdo

Remember if you want to be added to the tag list lemme know.

The night was dark and silent in the home as night claimed the skies for the next few hours. Just how it should be. He should be asleep. He knows he should be! But-

A loud yawn caused fiery eyes to look behind him. Suma yawned loudly and stretched out her body where she laid literally on her back on top of his back, before she just flopped her arms back down and let out a loud snore. He sighed before letting out a small chuckle and turned his head just far enough to kiss the top of Suma's head where it laid on his shoulder. The comforting scent of fruit and flowers from the shampoo she used hitting his senses.

He wasn't alone really. Not by a long shot. Makio was curled up on his left pressing her forehead to his side chest as he laid on his stomach. Hinatsuru's form pressed against his rest as her peaceful face was smooshed into the pile of towels they'd laid out upon the floor. Meanwhile with both his sides taken Suma opted to literally climb on top his back and sleep. He didn't mind though. She wasn't that heavy.

The brief smile disappeared from his face and he once again sighed looking at the floor or more specifically his hands. One fist opened revealing a familiar sight. A strand of perfectly polished stones. They glowed silver in the moonlight and softly clinked together as he lazily moved it about his fingers like a snake. 

Tengen.

The last time he saw him was four weeks ago. One week traveling through rivers and streams and getting injured after colliding into a tangled up mess of metal wire netting and fishing hooks which is exactly what Tengen feared would happen to them if they went off into the river systems. If he was here right now, he'd be yelling at him and dragging him back home by his fins. The other three weeks spending time here recovering from said injuries surrounded by their wives. He thanked Posidon that they were safe and sound and alive and some relief had come to him for that but now he had a new worry to worry over. What must Tengen be going through right now? He still remembered what their last exchange was-

"It's been over a year.. They're long dead."

"Don't speak like that! We don't know if that's true!"

"OH SPARE ME ANY DAMMED HOPEFUL THOUGHTS!! THE FACTS ARE FACTS AND ONLY A FOOL WOULD DENY REALITY!! They're just-...gone..... They're dead. They're dead and they're not coming back. You're the only thing I have left!"

"Then...what are you going to do?"

"... I'll tell you what I'm going to do." Kyojuro would never forget the look in Tengen's eyes or the way he turned to him that day. It was both full of rage, hurt, sadness, and longing yet so emotionless and apathetic at once. There is a saying that states that sometimes a person reached a level of rage so fierce and intense that they felt nothing but calm and numb. One of the most dangerous levels of emotions. "Until the day I die, one after another I will take from them like they did us."

You could say many things about Tengen. Sanemi Liked to call him an idiot for all the jewelry his body decorated as it'd only 'slow him down and make it more difficult hunting'. Sanemi's words not his. Tengen was an excellent hunter before he even started lacing his body. He actually started out polishing rocks and wearing them like a goofy child. That's how he proposed actually. They were merely young teenagers then. Tengen had come over and just dumped a giant amount of shiny rocks and caught fish at his fins-

"There! That should be enough!''

He had been so confused. "What's with all the rocks and fish for?"

"This is my wedding gift for you! Don't question it because I won't take no for an answer, Kyojuro! You're my husband now!"

Kyojuro never snapped up surprised so fast before."ME?!"

"OF COURSE!! THERE'S NOTHING ELSE FLASHIER! AND I KNOW WHAT LOOKS GOOD!!"

Try explaining all of that to their parents. It still got a laugh out of him. He still laughs when he remembers how Tengen met their wives too. Makio was close to his family and he was already smitten with her too for a long time. Hinatsuru he just ran into one day and got so distracted by her that he ran straight into a dolphin. Suma clung onto him.. Literally. She latched onto him after taking slight interest in her sister and Tengen brought her home and simply proclaimed that she was now theirs. You wouldn't think the five of their different personalities would mesh well but surprisingly they all worked out quite well-

"Mr. Rengoku?"

"Gah?!" He jumped up as much as the girls weighing him down would allow and snapped up- "Ah!" Only to be blinded by a bright light.

"I'm so sorry!" The light was pulled back and a dark figure stood above him. "I didn't mean to shine it in your eyes. "

His eyes blinked slowly adjusted to the new darkness and looked up at f/c eyes. Oh...It was the human woman. The one the girls had fallen for and tried to convince him to take as a wife too. He was unsure about that still and honestly had completely forgotten about it. Sure she was beautiful and obviously very kind. For a human it surprised him but looking at the bigger picture, it was best not to because he was sure Tengen wouldn't appreciate that.

"Oh. Madam L/n." He relaxed back. "You startled me. Wha-What are you doing up so late? I hope I didn't wake you."

She waved her hand and he finally noticed that the light was coming from a single candle in a candle holder she carried. "No, no. I woke up because I forgot to lock the back door but I heard someone moving around and came on you all ." Huh. That's rather thoughtful of her. Her head tilted at him. "Why are you up so late? Are mermen nocturnal or something?"

"No-..Well anglerfish mers are but not me. I was just .." His fist clenched again making  the rocks clink together and her head turn at the sound. "I-It's sometimes hard to sleep over Suma's snoring. Nothing to worry yourself about." 

"...Is that Tengen's rock strand?" She looked back to him with a frown. 

He paused..but eventually sighed and reached out a hand to rub his face. "Was I that obvious?"

"Not really. It's just a guess since I caught the others doing the same thing." One eye of his opened hearing some shuffling and a small thud sound and was surprised when she had slowly sat down in front of him and placed the candle a safe distance aways from her. "Is that why you can't sleep?"

Kyojuro stared at her before once again sighing. Pushing face further into hand. "I can't help it. I worry for him the same as I did our wives. I don't know what he's doing without me there or if he's alright..But if I am being completely honest, I feel guilty."

Her eyes blinked and her head tilted. "Guilty? For what?"

"It's not like I told him about what I was doing. If he knew, he would've just told me I couldn't, even physically restrain me if he thought it was needed." His eyes closed, shame and guilt building up within his chest. "He must be worried sick thinking I abandoned him or worse. I fear the worst. Such as he might start traveling up river looking for me now? The thought of him getting hurt or worse. I'm a sorry excuse for a husb-"

"DON'T."

The sudden shift in town made him jump but not as much as the hand clasped over his. Her expression firm in the candlelight. "Don't you dare finish that sentence. Now you shut up all that self loathing. You're not a bad husband to go look for your wives. You're not going to help anyone with anyone bringing yourself down either."

He opened his mouth ..but closed it and glanced at the hand she held. A pink rising to his cheeks. ".... Perhaps..Y-You are right about that. Yes. *ahem* I-Im just worrying myself over what ifs and pointless fears."

She smiled and patted his hand. "There you go! And soon enough you'll be together again anyways! So there's nothing to worry about, Mr. Rengoku-"

"Kyojuro."

She blinked. "Huh?"

Fiery eyes looked at her own. Face red and burning like his heart. "Please...Just call me Kyojuro. I-I'd prefer it if you just called me by my name for the rest of our time together."

"Oh..Ok! I will. Hey. Isn't it uncomfortable to have them sleeping piled on you with your injuries?"

"It's a little sore but it's not painful." His eyes laser pointed at where she still held his hand pupils becoming large. "I'm perfectly fine right now."

You woke up with a start. A pile of warmth all around you and soft snoring sounded as the snoring mers laid out on each other and you in the pile. You were shocked mouth opening as you recounted the past few hours. It was all a blur. Akira got here. Rengoku threatened him until he left. They kissed you and-

SNORT!!

Your body froze as the sleeping form of Kyojuro turned on his side and instinctively reached out an arm to pull his nearest wife closer to him- Instead you found yourself pulled against his chest with his arm slung around you, his sleeping chin pressed on the top of your head, and behind you Makio curled up closer against your back before with a small grunt she quickly fell back into deep sleep. You couldn't see the the other two but they were piled on Rengoku one way or another. You just laid there. Red faced. Staring up at the ceiling as you were pressed against Kyojuro's bare biceps.

....A small wheeze left your throat-

"You may admire me in the morning," he sleepily mumbled snuggling closer. "Go back to sleep, Dear. Then we'll talk more about medical kissing without the medical part."

"DON'T SAY THAT!"