#he didn’t throw hands or get that mad so 0/10

[clericofinfamy]

damian priest - raw, 18 march 2024.

posting this and going to sleep. thank you monday night judgement day for priest crumbs, amen. 🙏🖤💜

[jiminieloved]

Ultimate Jikook Timeline Pt 114

BE Era part 2

December 1, 2020:

a) Run Ep. 118

4:22 Jimin seems to direct JK to punish Tae and pats his back

29:50 JK calls Jimin without using honorifics

32:27 Jimin pulls JK by his wrist and Hobi mixes up their names

32:43 Jimin pulls JK by his hand

37:02 Jimin sits by JK’s side

Behind

5:39 Jimin tries to steal a post it from JK and gets scolded by him, then Jimin says he can’t get mad because he is older than him, JK says he didn’t get mad and apologizes

6:08 JK tells Jimin that he is exhausted and Jimin tells him their shirts are hilarious

b) 2020 Awards Dance Practice

practicing the black swan choreo together in the begging of the video

1:38 Jimin runs after JK

2:04 Jin is recording a video and Jimin and JK join him

2:41 practicing their part of the choreo together and then going near Jin when he is recording

3:42 watching the video of their performance with Jin and Hobi

4:23 playing with the choreo prop

c) Black Swan MMA Performance Dance Practice

2. December 4, 2020:

Jin Birthday Vlive

16:50 Jin calls Jimin and finds out JK is with him

3. December 5, 2020:

a) iHeartRadio Most Requested Live - Ask Anything Chat

2:48 Jimin says he was home alone a lot on Christmas, JK says “I see” and puts his hand on the back of Jimin’s neck

3:20 they are asked if they could be a flower, what flower would they be, Jimin says he would be a “forget-me-not”, JK asks why and Jimin says it is because his body is fragile

5:46 JK imitates Namjoon’s face and Jimin laughs at it

6:03 Jimin looks at JK and laughs

b) Ask Anything Chat - "Someone" From BTS Falls Off His Chair

They are asked what would they call a book of their life, Jimin laughs so much at JK’s answer he ends up falling from the chair

c) Melon Music Awards 2020

the epic “Black Swan Performance” when Jimin and JK did the pas de deux

d) 2020 MMA Behind Video

Another angle of the “Black Swan” performance in the beginning

e) 2020 MMA Episode

0:26 preparing to film the “Black Swan” performance and then rehearsing for it

1:23 Jimin goes on JK’s back to see which way their movement will be better and then they film the performance

2:09 checking the performance recording together and then filming it again

f) 2020 MMA Making Film

0:24 rehearsing and then filming the “Black Swan” performance

1:12 watching the performance recording

3:11 JK playfully throws some water at Jimin and then Jimin spills water on JK’s neck

7:15 JK caresses Jimin’s back while he talks

10:26 Jimin tries to cheer JK and Hobi up and JK smiles at him

g) 2020 MMA Behind Video

1:15 Jimin looks at JK while JK films his intro part of the performance

4. December 6, 2020:

a) MAMA 2020 Episode

4:10 JK thanks all the people involved in the performance making and Jimin puts his hand on his shoulder and asks if he cried and then fixes his hair

10:28 talking about the concept of the “Life Goes On” performance

11:28 Jimin goes near JK and takes his microphone

14:23 JK says that Jimin’s ideia of calling Yoongi for the speech was awesome

b) MAMA 2020 Thank You Stage

1:27 JK slaps Jimin’s butt

1:58 Jimin holds two mics for JK while he speaks

2:17 they briefly look at each other while JK speaks

c) MAMA 2020 Making Film

1:45 Jimin dances to warm up and JK looks at him and smiles

4:09 the part of Jimin asks if JK cried while touching his shoulder and then fixes his hair again

13:55 the part where Jimin takes JK’s microphone again

18:45 JK walks behind Jimin

5. December 8, 2020:

Run Ep. 119

8:21 Jimin does spins just like JK did on the previous episode

11:17 JK and Jin are the only ones who vote to accept Jimin’s picture

29:40 Jimin helps JK to check how many of his photos were ruined by the spy and laughs when he sees it was almost all of them

34:20 JK is shaking his leg and Jimin puts his hand on it to calm him

35:16 Jimin pulls JK to try to make him confess that he lost

38:23 Jimin puts his hand on JK’s neck when he seems upset for losing and then helps him when he is supposed to make an ending comment

Behind

0:48 JK is amazed by the amount of card Jimin has found

3:00 looking at the pictures together

3:43 JK plays with the art in front of his shirt and Jimin starts rubbing on them too

5:05 Jimin tells JK that if he wins he is going to make the loser hike Mount Achasan, JK laughs and says “you have to go with the loser, right?”, Jimin pats his chest and JK asks why is he looking at him when he says that

6. December 9, 2020:

Vanity Fair Interview

2:48 they talk about the first first place award they won and JK mentions that Jimin cried that day, Jimin corrects him saying the day he cried was at M Countdown

7. December 10, 2020:

a) TIME Entertainer of the Year Performance

2:30 JK puts an arm around Jimin’s shoulder while singing Dynamite

b) TIME Entertainer of the Year Interview

3:03 JK puts briefly massages Jimin’s neck when he notices him trying to crack it

8. December 11, 2020:

a) Winter Package Teaser

0:30 Jimin goes to JK’s side

0:50 sitting close to each other and being touchy

b) Winter Package

Part 1

12:00 JK makes a noise and Jimin stares at him and then laughs

12:48 sitting side by side

19:22 when it’s JK’s turn to play the guessing game, Jimin gives him a hint

41:00 looking for Jin together, playing with the snow and then doing a Jinjikook photoshoot

46:52 Hobi and JK take pictures of Jimin

47:32 playing with the snow

51:25 Jimin, JK and Yoongi go to a beer brewery together

53:41 Jimin turns to JK excitedly when the beer brewery staff tells them they are going to get to taste the beer

Part 2

0:10 drinking beer together with Yoongi, JK describes the beer taste while looking at Jimin

0:50 drinking another beer together, at 1:16 JK grabs the beer before hearing the explanation and Jimin tells him not to get too excited

2:43 Jimin laughs at JK’s joke and says his acting has gotten better

3:27 JK makes a funny comment again so Jimin holds his arm and teases him saying he is drunk

8:57 Jikook and Yoongi mixing the beer, Jimin tells JK he is good at this

9:55 JK tries to keep mixing the beer when they are done and Jimin makes him stop

11:40 having dinner together with Yoongi and Jimin shows JK a video of the other members ziplining on his phone

12:58 writing the review of their day together, Jimin asks JK what he did well and then writes that he protected JK

13:19 the cutest winter package moment when Jimin asks JK to hold him to help him sit right, JK teases him and Jimin whines at him, then JK ends up helping him

16:57 they are doing a self-cam before going to bed and Jimin is wearing JK’s sweater

19:56 walking side by side

21:25 playing with a football ball together and then doing a photoshoot with Hobi

27:18 standing close for the photoshoot

28:36 sitting side by side while having dinner with the group

50:02 Jimin and JK try to do the yoga exercise Tae showed them

9. December 15, 2020:

Run Ep. 120

24:40 Jimin asks JK if he is the culprit and can’t hold his laugh

29:39 the caption says there is “war of nerve” between Jimin’s and JK’s characters, because they were trying to beat each other’s records

32:00 Jimin gets into character and asks JK why did he run to his place without saying hi to him

Behind

5:30 Jimin plays with the yo-yo and JK gets worried he is going to hurt his fingers, then JK insists that Jimin lets him play with the yo-yo

5:56 Jimin starts singing, JK watches him and sings along with him, then JK teases him for not knowing the lyrics and Jimin says “what? Quiet you”

10. December 17, 2020:

Arriving together

0:45 Jimin and JK getting out of the same car

11. December 18, 2020:

a) Arriving at KBS

0:54 Jimin and JK arriving together in the same car

b) Leaving KBS

12. December 22, 2020:

Run Ep. 121

25:14 JK says he is suspicious of Jimin

37:02 Jimin asks JK why he didn’t listen to him about about the culprit

38:42 JK plays with Jimin’s yo-yo

Behind

1:03 they both get into character and start accusing each other, Jimin tries to reach for JK but stops when Tae accuses them of plotting

9:05 JK says everyone is so good at acting and Jimin compliments him saying he was very funny towards the end

13. December 25, 2020:

a) SBS Gayo Daejun

8:36 Jikook cute choreo moment

10:22 another cute choreo moment

b) SBS Episode

1:51 talking to each other in soft tones and JK brushes his fingers on Jimin’s chest, then Jimin touches his chin

3:59 looking at each other and laughing after trying to taste the fake snow

10:00 Jimin calls JK to see the choreo instructions

10:27 JK zooms the camera on Jimin’s face and then they practice their part of the choreo

14. December 29, 2020:

Run Ep. 122

2:54 Namjoon says JK and Jimin are going to be a team so JK smiles and Jimin goes near him

5:36 narrating the cooking video together, JK starts speaking funny and Jimin laughs at it, JK keeps giving Jin and Yoongi the cooking instructions for a while and making Jimin laugh

15:58 they go to the kitchen together to help Jin and Yoongi and then go back to the other room and keep giving them the instructions together

31:41 Jimin is proud for giving the instructions well, and JK teases him saying “you did it for too long in the beginning”

32:39 JK stands behind Jimin

33:55 Jimin asks JK what he thinks of the food

34:25 JK stands behind Jimin again and stays there until de end of the episode

15. December 31, 2020:

New Year’s Eve Live Making Film

2:17 standing close for the photoshoot

4:02 discussing the performance

7:03 Jikook handshake, then Jimin makes a funny face and JK looks at him

8:47 Jimin keeps talking in the background while JK speaks

12:27 standing close

Credits for the Run episodes timestamps to @ladyc0312​​​​​​​​

Information compiled by Shan and @lagalaxiedemochi

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[dreamcatcherrs]

most to least likely to be possessive/a lil jealous in a relationship? <3

mtl likely to be possessive/jealous over their s/o; mcyt x reader

+ judged by their actions and general feelings on jealousy and being possessive

MOST

wilbur

corpse husband

sapnap

karl jacobs

dream

punz

quackity

george

skeppy

fundy

badboyhalo

technoblade

awesamdude

eret

LEAST

wilbur:

when wilbur is jealous…. he is jealous. and he is not afraid of showing it. he’s not the type to beat another guy up about it (unless there’s a good reason to), but pays no mind in giving you some nice hickeys right then and there. you’re his - that’s it. if someone’s even a tad bit confused about that fact, he won’t hesitate to show them. doesn’t really grow any suspicions on his friends, because he trusts them and he trusts you, but if it’s a guy/girl he doesn't know? he’ll show you off even if there was 0 signs of flirting.

place on the jealousy scale: 9/10

place on the possessive scale: 10/10

corpse husband:

corpse is a very possessive man. like, he will pull you to his side in an instant the second someone tries talking to you, kissing you right in front of them, and then say “wanna fuck in the back like we agreed to?” and then pretend like he only just noticed the guy/girl and give him a hateful “hey”. he gives no fucks when it comes to someone else trying to get all up in your business. even if it means you getting embarrassed and flushed. he will actually start shaking in anger if someone is so obviously flirting with you, yet you don't notice, and will point it out afterwards to you; “how could you not notice?”.

place on the jealousy scale: 7/10

place on the possessive scale: 10/10

sapnap:

HE WILL FIGHT FOR YOU. if someone tries hitting on you or winks at you or some shit, he will shut that bitch down. no one messes with you under his watch. he’ll step in the minute they tried talking to you; “was there something you wanted to say?” and if they answered back with a remark instead of just leaving, he’d throw hands, and he won’t stop till they've learnt to stay the fuck away from what isn't theirs. it doesn't happen often though, thank god. would be pouty after you told him not to beat people up while cleaning his wounds; “but you’re mine🥺”.

place on the jealousy scale: 8/10

place on the possessive scale: 7/10

karl jacobs:

he is a pouty baby🥺 will get very jealous if you hang out with someone else even just five minutes longer than him. especially with his friends. he’ll be vocal about it and quite touchy. will come up to you from behind while you were talking to jimmy, rest his chin on your shoulder and wrap his arms around you. “when are you gonna pay attention to me again?” easily gets jealous, but he isn’t very possessive. he feels guilty if he tries being controlling of you - you can do what you want after all, it’s just not always he likes it.

place on the jealousy scale: 10/10

place on the possessive scale: 4/10

dream:

he doesn't get jealous very easily, but he doesn't like when random guys talk to you. he won’t really show that he’s jealous with people he doesn't know, but would rather be really really quiet. would stand around and mope until he asked if you could leave. he can seem kinda intimidating with his silence, and it can be because he’s very angry, but really he just doesn't wanna lose you. that’s what he's really afraid of. if it’s one of his friends though, even sapnap or george, he’ll be like “back the fuck off!” but it wouldn't really be ‘serious’ because he knew they would never actually flirt with you. he can get pretty possessive though, whispering “you’re mine” in your ear after any events like this.

place on the jealousy scale: 6/10

place on the possessive scale: 8/10

punz:

luke can get pretty jealous and pretty possessive, but it takes a while to rile him up enough for him to show it. if someone is flirting with you just to piss him off, it actually has the opposite effect on him - it doesn't piss him off at all. because he knows the person is just trying to get to him, what's the reason of getting mad? he knows you belong to him, so he has nothing to worry about. but if someone touches you? like sapnap, he will not be afraid to throw hands. that’s straight up harassment and he is not letting that happen. he’ll raise his voice and get all up in their face. can stay pretty mad afterwards and overthink things too much. generally though, he isn't much of a jealous type.

place on the jealousy scale: 7/10

place on the possessive scale: 7.5/10

quackity:

alex is more insecure than jealous. he starts thinking that any other guy could easily take you from him, and that he isn't deserving of you (even though he is just so wrong because it would actually be a treasure to be with him. mans needs to know😩). he’d need some uplifting after dealing with these thoughts - just some reminding that you’re his. worst case scenario, he’d give the guy/girl a death glare, but he wouldn't fight them or very obviously show them that you're his or anything like that. he’d rather keep his thoughts to himself.

place on the jealousy scale: 6.5/10

place on the possessive scale: 7/10

george:

I feel like george gets a lot more jealous than most people think he would. he can be pretty possessive at times, pulling at your hand or arm to drag you away from someone. “don't talk to them, talk to me.” he shows his jealousy pretty calmly and would never pick a fight with someone just because he’s feeling a lil’ jealous. all he needs to do is just tell you or give you a sign, and that’d usually be enough for him to feel all good again. he’s not afraid to blatantly roll his eyes in front of someone who’s flirting with you or come with a snarky remark if he has to.

place on the jealousy scale: 6/10

place on the possessive scale: 6.5/10

skeppy:

skeppy can get jealous, but he tries to avoid it at all costs. it makes him feel sad to see someone else try to flirt with his s/o, when clearly you're not available. he doesn't like the thought of getting angry about other people’s actions though, so he’s just kinda left feeling sad about the whole thing instead. will definitely need some cuddles and reassuring afterwards just to get his mood up again, and he gets back on his feet pretty quick, because in the end he has no doubts that you’ll leave him. especially not for someone else.

place on the jealousy scale: 5/10

place on the possessive scale: 5/10

fundy:

he just looks like a sad little kitten. it has to be very obvious that someone is flirting with you for him to get jealous. and even then he doesn't act out about it - just stares and feels sad. will tell you afterwards that he doesn't like you talking to that person, only because they were very clearly trying to get to know you more than a friend. wouldn't think much of it afterwards because he trusts you enough to then stay away from that person before anything else happened.

place on the jealousy scale: 4.5/10

place on the possessive scale: 4/10

badboyhalo:

like fundy, worst case is that he’ll be a little sad. but I don’t really see him as a jealous type, and definitely not as a possessive person. I just think that if you were to be in a situation where someone was trying badly to take you from him, he’d grow defensive and push the person away and tell you; “I didn't like how that guy/girl was talking to you :(”. he wouldn't expect you to stay away from the person if it was someone you knew well, but would just want you to be aware of them. but as I said, that was the worst case scenario. I think he’d get seriously jealous very rarely.

place on the jealousy scale: 4/10

place on the possessive scale: 2/10

technoblade:

pffff. if you think some guy/girl talking to you is gonna get him mad, you're wrong. you talking to other people affects him in no way other than if you were getting a little too friendly. maybe then he’d feel one single spark of anger inside of him, but it isn't anything that’ll make him act out. the only time he’d really get upset is if you were the one flirting with someone (which you probably wouldn't unless you want to see this man upset, and in that case I don't want to talk to you😔), where he’d feel his heart sink and would honestly just walk away from the situation and feel betrayed. generally, he doesn't get very jealous.

place on the jealousy scale: 3/10

place on the possessive scale: 3.5/10

awesamdude:

sam just does not get jealous. he trusts you 100%, but of course he’ll shut someone down if they got a little close to you (tried to kiss you etc.) because that’s just not alright. he doesn't get mad or anything if that happens, at least if the person isn't aware that you're dating him, and even then, he’s sure his height will do the job to scare the person away. like, c’mon, mans is 6′7. don't tell me that isn't intimidating. anyways, he’s doesn't get jealous. if anything he just laughs it off or jokes around with getting jealous about something.

place on the jealousy scale: 2/10

place on the possessive scale: 3/10

eret:

like sam, he just doesn't get jealous. you can hang out with anyone you want - he knows he’s the one you’ll be coming home to at the end of the day. he’s the one who gets to kiss you, hold you, touch you, so why spend time being jealous of others when he already has you? this is eret we’re talking about - he knows he’s better than all of those bitch boys out there. if they wanna fight, they can fight but like, he knows they’ll lose since they won't get you anyway. trust is key in a relationship😌

place on the jealousy scale: 0/10

place on the possessive scale: 0/10

_____________________________________

tag list✰

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[petrichormeraki]

i saw senpai @shadeswift99 do this so now im inspired:

Hermits Ranked On How Much I Could Fight Them And Win:

Welsknight: this bitch doesn’t even need to touch me. he would obliterate me just by rap roasting me so hard i would instantly disintegrate. 0/10 i would have no chance 

Grian: if i didn’t know any better i would take him. unfortunately i do know better and i know he’s stronger than all the other hermits that met irl at a convention and he absolutely destroyed a strength arcade game. 4/10 only because he has hollow bones but he would just evade me until i got tired and then punch my lights out

TFC: tfc would take me the fuck out with his one arm and leg, but i really feel like he just wouldnt bother. -10/10 bc i would never lay a fucking finger on my minecraft grandpa, he’s been through too much already. even if i did square up he is probably jacked as shit from mining for miles on end. no way 

Bdubs: bdubs would absolutely beat me on sheer strength, but he suffers from Little Guy Syndrome just like i do so id be able to take him out by insulting his height and distracting him since i know from experience that is what tics little guys off the most. however he also completely feral and is barely keeping a lid on it so he would stab me without any prompting. 3/10

Scar: nope. man is fucking giant and he’s too sweet to even consider a fight. i dont like using that cop out but i mean it in this instance. plus jellie would absolutely tear me apart if i even came near her boy with malicious intent and thats not how i want to die. 1/10 because i would win but at what cost.

Cub: man looks old as shit and is a government enforcer. i would not hesitate to fight him. 6/10 only because he has vex friends that would destroy me if i touched him

Cleo: she would break my legs and i wouldnt even be mad. i mentally could never throw a punch at her because zombies scare the living fuck out of me. i would instantly lose 0/10

False: i would die. -100/10

Stress: she was a drum player which means she has a lot of pent up aggression in there somewhere and i cannot compete with that. she also carries around flowers and that would take me out via allergy attack if i even got close. 4/10 because i think i could do it on principal but i also know i wouldnt be able to realistically

xB: mans has literally murdered in cold blood in season six, i fear him. he seems docile but thats all a facade and i know it. 2/10 only because fear would make me stronger but not strong enough

Tango: he would physically be very tough because of wrangling ravagers but he is also an idiot. thats not much advantage to me because so am i. 5/10 i think it would be an even split on who would win

Zedaph: in straight hand to hand i would obliterate him. however he unironically makes deadly traps just for people that visit his base so uh. 7/10 because i would drop him but he’s also too much of a violent introvert to even let me get close

Mumbo: he’s tall and buff but he’s too self conscious to use his physical attributes to his full potential. all i need to do is aim for the middle and he’d fall like a timbered tree. 8/10 only because i cant reach his face (and even if i could i wouldnt go for it bc of the beautiful mustache) 

Hypno: i know nothing about him and that scares me. ???/10

Keralis: he’s very sweet but he’s also rich. sorry keralis. 10/10 

Xisuma: i would give it my best shot but honestly i wouldnt even be able to touch him. he’s the fucking doomguy!!! what am i supposed to do!! 0/10

Iskall: he’s an assassin and built like a brick shit house. he’s also too friendly, i would unconsciously pull my punches because i don’t feel right about fighting such a nice guy. 0/10 he would actually take my life

Impulse: also a drummer. he is unsure if he’s actually human or not and that fact alone means he would be able to take me the fuck out. 2/10 he’s also a government enforcer and i want to fight him but i wouldnt last long 

Doc: he fought a god and only lost an arm. -10/10

Jevin: i could probably take him but the fact that he consists entirely of the substance that makes my bones want to escape my body means i would not fucking touch him if you paid me. 0/10 

Beef: he seems like a genuinely cool and fun guy but he wears a blood covered apron all the time so god knows what he’d do to me. he’s also smart enough to make advancements in technology that the human race has only dreamed of achieving. 0/10 because he looks like my dad and i would never fight him

Etho: he terrifies me. he canadian so that’d make me let my guard down slightly but then he’d sic an army of endermites on me. he’s an OG and i would not survive. 0/10  

Ren: he’s puppy. i would never dream of punching a dog in the face. even if i did, ren is so casually horny that i would whiff every shot out of sheer embarrassment. 5/10 because we would stalemate. 

[diavolosthots]

Ok this is kinda a crack ask but I need to know. How would everyone react to there MC comimg into the house with something squirming behind their back and saying "Ok so DONT be mad but..." And then holds out a scared/confused and hurt possum or raccoon and says there keeping it. It could also be hissing at them but cuddling up to the MC for dear life

***REQUESTS ARE NOT OPEN THIS IS FROM LAST TIME***

THE BROTHERS reacting to MC bringing home a raccoon

Lucifer: 

He knew you were hiding something, mainly because you’re absolutely terrible at it. His arms will be crossed over his chest, a scowl on his face as he looks at you, awaiting an explanation. “It’s… a raccoon! Surprise!” He was not surprised, or amused. “You can’t keep that.” Don’t even try the puppy eyes, his heart is just a black hole and your sad face will get sucked into it with no remorse. 0/10 chance you get to keep that animal and if he finds out you’ve been hiding it, he’ll make you live on the Devildom streets since you want to play trashy. 

Mammon:

It’s not that you didn’t warn him… it’s that he’s stupid and went ahead with it anyway. He was quick to try and yank whatever was behind your back out of your grasp and in the process of it all, he got his face scratched up. Now he’s bleeding and scared of the raccoon you tried so hard to befriend him with. “Get that away from me!! Kill it!” Why would you do this to him, MC? He did it to himself, but why MC? 2/10 chance of you keeping it and that’s only if you pay him. 

Leviathan:

So… he literally had a giant snake right, a raccoon is the least of his worries. That is until he finds that thing chewing up all his anime posters. Oh he’ll have almost a bigger hissy fit than Asmodeus. Screaming, punching, kicking, crying…. All of it can be heard from his room as he throws the thing out, literally. You can’t recover that, MC. Those were limited edition posters! That thing has to go, or he’ll feed it to Beel, pick your poison. 5/10 chance of having it stay and only if you REALLY suck up to him and try to find and buy every single one of those posters. 

Satan:

Cats and raccoons? Heard they don’t get along too well. Half of him thinks it’s only fair that you get to keep it because he also gets to keep his cat, but on the other hand he warns you that if even one of his books looks like it’s been eaten on, he will rip that thing’s head off and throw it to Cerberus, and he means it. Watch that thing or it’ll be gone. 7/10 chance of keeping it and only because Satan likes you. 

Asmodeus:

“So what are you hiding?” he wished he had never asked because the next thing that happened is him screaming louder than a little girl that saw a spider. “Get that thing away!!” “It’s not a thing! It’s larry!” He’ll climb on the highest surface he can because ‘larry’ is now hissing at him and he’s not about that. Might cry. 0/10 chance of keeping it because those things are dirty and could be carrying diseases and he REALLY needs you to wash your hands now, please, MC. 

Beelzebub:

He knew what it was the minute you brought it in. How? Glad you asked! He used to grill them on a stick. Hm… Yummy! The minute you reveal it to him, he makes grabby hands and licks his lips because he wants to grill one again. “You didn’t get that for me…?” “No, Beel. We don’t eat Larry. We live like Larry.” He’s confused now, “in the dumpsters?” 8/10 chance, please pat Beel’s head for being a cute dork. Just watch out that your demon doesn’t ‘accidentally’ get a hold of him. 

Belphegor:

There’s a GOOD chance that you can hide that thing forever based solely on the fact that Belphegor sleeps through most of his life. One day, he just happens to stumble upon it and never think much of it, letting you live with it. No need to beg, MC. Solid 9/10 shot and the only reason it’s not a full 10/10 is because he fears that ‘Larry’ will take your attention away from him and that might be a problem. Cuddles are for him only, got it, MC? 

[worstloki]

Top Forty Thor-Being-Thor Moments from Thor 1

just absolute dumb*ssery that this 7yr old kid’s life goal is to “hunt down the monsters and slay them all”. I’ll go easy on him here and let the Thor/Loki expressions do the talking because of “...just like you did Father” but seriously can his hands even fit around a sword handle??? this kid isn’t even punching the air right??? if there was a sword in his hand he would’ve cut his head with the way he’s moving???? pure tiny-himbo energy here just look at that >:o face he’s making. contrasts very nicely with Loki’s ‘,:|. 10/10. such a baby idiot.

“the jotuns must pay for what they have done! they broke into the weapons vault! if the frost giants had stolen even one of these relics!” thor. thor please. can you even name one of these relics. thor. hey thor. thor. shut up. “well, what would you do about this?” odin asks him. “march into jotunheim! like you once did! break their spirits! so they’ll never try anything like this again!” wow okay so we’ve fast-forwarded by like a thousand years and thor is still going on about genocide. huh. that’s funny, i thought loki was the genocidal one. hmm. i also just realized that the loki exclusive clip gives loki the same hairstyle thor has here so do what you will with that information.

0/10. horrible. terrible. i dont care how angy thor is about not getting to kill some jotuns or become king today this very instant, that is a tremendous waste of food. an absolute fool. how can he just remorselessly throw the bread to the floor. if loki stabbed him when he was 7 he would deserve it for this table flip alone. what a privileged white *ssh*le.

loki came skulking around a corner and suggested not to go to jotunheim and not only did thor not suspect anything but he also then went on to decide to go to jotunheim. 10/10 himbo material. 

if tumblr didn’t have a picture limit i would put every instance of thor smiling in this list because look at that stupid smile. he’s such an idiot. 11/10. this is the thor content i’m here for.

“I have no plans to die today” thor says with the stupidest open-mouthed smirking smile ever captured on film. right after he also told heimdall not to tell anyone they’re gone. he’s literally planned to strand them on jotunheim. thor’s grand plan was to strange themselves on jotunheim and also start a fight. i repeat: thor’s plan was to successfully slay all the frost giants and not need to return until they’re all gone. what an absolute d*mb*ss. this is getting ridiculous. this was originally a top-ten-thor moments list but i’m not even twenty minutes in so i’ll have to extend the list. thor. thor are you listening? thor, you’re such an idiot.

“HOW DID YOUR PEOPLE GET INTO ASGARD?!” thor you sweet sweet summer idiot, please, i am beggin,g you,, learn to rea,d , a room,, literally everyone else who came with you is regretting it, there is complete silence and only the rumble of the opposing king is meeting your “I AM THOR, SON OF ODIN”s, please, please take some notes from Loki, or, you know, literally anyone else in the room, since everyone is asking you to get out of this realm while you still can,

thor’s stupid smile makes an appearance after he gets called a princess and decides to fight a whole realm over it. you know what? thor is a princess. he’s the prettiest princess in all the lands. what’s thor gonna do about it? is he going to fight me too? I hope he does the stupid grin first. minus 15 points for the sexism. thor is a complete and utter sadistic fool who needs to get a hobby. seriously, he’s 1500 years old and still going on and on about slaying all the frost giants. boi, i hate to break it to you, but your dad is not the best or only example of greatness out there. i don’t think your dad even qualifies as an example of that. 

“THEN. GO!” 🥰 ahh yes, just thor thingz 🥰🥰 like when one friend has had his arm burnt 🥰 and another friend has been impaled and needs medical attention, 🥰🥰 and all the rest of your friends are yelling for you, 🥰 and your brother is telling you they must go, 🥰 and you decide to buy everyone time by laughing maniacally and killing more frosties because you care for them and dont find joy in destruction like a loon 🥰🥰🥰 

THIS is the iconic Thor moment that makes my day whenever I think about it. Just Thor, an absolute bumbering 6′6′’ giant boodlusting dummy sees Odin and just decides to yell “FATHAA!! WE’LL FINISH THEM TOGETHAAA!” as if the last thing Odin told him wasn’t “no, thor, we’re not going to do anything to the frost giants, do not go after them and try to kill them all.” 11/10 d*mb*assery right here folks, I couldn’t ask for Thor to be more of a fool. This is PEAK Thor energy. Look at that face. I feel like Thor spends half this movie with his nostrils flared. I love it.

okay i gotta give thor credit for rightfully calling odin “an old man and a fool” but also there was not even 1 frame of the scene where Thor had a decent face so now all i see is >:O >:| >:o >:[ when i watch that scene. yelling at odin was great, not yelling at odin after he HUAERGHed at loki was less great, but to be fair it’s thor and he is the definition of Peak D*mb*ss. 

thor literally GROWLS and starts yelling “HAMMAA?? HAMMER??” over and over. He was hit by a van, he fainted, he woke up and started growling. I don’t know what else there is to say about this.

“you dare threaten me? puny human?”. so. uhh. basically. Thor knew she was threatening him? He KNEW she had a weapon? instead he made a face and started yelling as he tried to walk his way closer????? thor you complete and utter dum dum. you frickin hairball-for-brains. im not even surprised darcy tasered him. with that kind of face, i’d taser him too.

when you wake up in an unknown place to a person smiling at you without a stupid smile, the first step is always to attack first and ask questions later 😌😌😌 (but seriously thor you imbecile why didn’t you ask where you were instead of throwing multiple people around the room and getting your butt needled. you clueless buffoon. you’ll remain a clueless buffoon if you don’t listen to anyone.)

just a quick recap but thor was knocked unconscious by a van and these people kidnapped him aboard and the next scene we see him in he’s checking himself out in  mirror after presumably changing right there in the open?????? these are the things that make thor thor. any other character and i’d question it so much, but this is thor, and i truly believe this is in-character for him. just change in the open because why not? thor is a beefcake and that’s his only redeeming quality and he knows it. 10/10 thor moment. 

I am now convinced that Thor saw Jane and “5k van-hitter to lover slow-burn height-difference himbo-scientist trope” flashed through his mind.

“but no more smashing!” Jane says, and then Thor proceeds to check her out and smile unlike an idiot and like a douche. was this his version of flirting???? i’m not one to decide, but yes, yes it was. He threw a cup to the ground and broke it, and she’s getting mad at him and berating him about it, and he’s liking it. y’all i’m sorry to break it to you like this, but thor has a canon fetish. i am so, so sorry.

im DYING. THAT ISN’T EVEN A KISS, HIS MOUTH IS OPEN. he SMUSHES his mouth around her knuckle???? WHY. I can’t keep noticing things like this. send help. please. Jane’s response makes so much more sense now; she’s laughs for a solid 3 seconds and shakes her head and is like “uhh, thank you? ahaha,” and then she keeps looking back longingly when walking away. they are doing this in PLAIN sight of EVERYONE. Darcy and Erik are standing RIGHT THERE, and Thor is doing weird things to her with his mouth. I’m out. I am done here. goodbye. 

return of the stupid smile AND the douche smile in quick succession through the entire trip. their entire dialogue is peppered with innuendo. “I’ve never done anything like this before. have you ever done anything like this before?” “many times, but you are brave to do it.” “I have nothing else to lose.” “ah but you are clever, far more clever than anyone else on this realm.” “realm? rEaLm?” “you think me strange?” “yes” “good strange or bad strange?” “I haven’t decided yet.” I AM DYING OVER THIS. plus, we get Return Of The Himbo with Jane asking after Einstein Rosen bridges and Thor is like “uh, actually, more like a rainbow bridge 😜🤪” i feel so sorry for jane here, didn’t know how much of a d*mb*ss Thor was when signing up for this van-trip and knuckle-sucking 😭😭😭 i also no longer have questions about how the trip that SHOULD HAVE BEEN A HALF-HOUR ONE turned into one that LASTED TILL THE SUN WENT FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE SKY TO SETTING by the time they arrived. I have no questions. please. I don’t want to know what they were doing in that van. please no. don’t make me think about it.

thor’s plan had 3 steps and they were 1. give jane his jacket 2. walk in and get his hammer 3. fly out. that was literally his plan. he had the first “I have a plan. attack.” moment in the MCU. pure concentrated 0-brain-cells energy right here. how can you not stan this king of d*mb*ssery. look at him, flaunting his big boy muscles. he’s about get his hammer and fly out, like he just told jane with a trademark stupid-smile.

crop-top hair-mop thor is my favourite thor. the way the entire fight scene parallels a hamster in a maze only exemplifies the thor vibes for some inexplicable reason.

“you’re big. fought bigger.” + Thor douche-smile + subtext from earlier + rolling around passionately in the mud = not a happy me. 

I swear i’m not making up this romantic subtext but it’s barely even subtext. the entire scene leading up to Thor’s attempt at lifting the hammer is actually filmed erotically. I’m not kidding. First there’s a shot where Thor pulls aside a hamster-cage-wall blind which mirrors a shower-curtain, and THEN he walks around the hammer while smiling douche-ly at it, we get a few close-ups to his face which are shot from angles slightly lower than himself, giving him an aire of superiority, plus the music adds to this, he reaches out for the hammer’s handle with a mud-covered arm in the rain, in non-slow-motion slow-motion, and he wraps his arm around it, like, he fully twists his arm, unecessarily sexually, around it as he grabs the hammer. This is not okay. On the plus side, it makes the movie much more entertaining,, on the down side,,.

im not going to call Thor dumb for not knowing he’s not worthy. im not going to. because odin literally whispered the enchantment to mjolnir after he’d thrown thor to midgard. it is very funny watching thor grunt in frustration though. he starts yelling because he couldn’t lift the hammer and just lets himself get caught. like, dude, get a life, go buy a new weapon from the store, seriously. he mourns for the hammer on-screen longer than he does for loki. he also looks like he’s in far more pain here. he becomes catatonic and unresponsive after this, but when loki dies he’s already feasting the same afternoon. 10/10 dum dum thor material. never change thor, never change. (that’s code for please change, thor, please,)

thor trying to establish dominance wherever he goes is the funniest thing because at this point he’s being a complete asgardian *ss about it and it’s reaching points of pettiness never seen before. side note: he is possibly flirting with selvig too. maybe. i’m not saying anything happened, but Thor’s openning lines when bringing him home carried over his shoulder are “he’s fine, not injured at all,” followed with an apology to selvig, and an explanation to jane which consisted only of “we drank, we fought, he made his ancestors proud,” and then he puts the man to bed and before he falls asleep erik says “i still don’t believe you’re the g*d of th*nder, but you ought to be,” so... your choice, i guess...

thor’s got his trademark stupid smile and stupidly takes jane’s life’s work notebook and starts doodling in it about trees. the last time his father told him this story about Yggdrasil was when he was 5 and he clearly hasn’t payed attention to any lesson about anything since and it shows so so much. thank you thor. very insightful knowledge you’re passing on hear. ‘i come from a world where [science and magic] are one and the same,’ ok great, now elaborate on that please. oh, right, you can’t because you’re thor, my bad, 20/10 thor behaviour. he couldn’t even doodle nicely. all his lines are wobbly. epic art fail. i wouldn’t trust him near my sketchbook with a 2B pencil.

THIS is thor’s realization face. in case anyone was interested in what ‘dawning truth’ looked like on him. 😰😪 THIS is the face of a thinker, of a man betrayed by his own beloved brother for unprecedented reasons. look at the nuance in his expression. 😩😩😩 so many emotions, I can’t even count them all 😩💯😪

stupid smile and “do not worry my friends, i have a plan,” he says, “i’ll just try and abuse the fact that Loki’s super selfless and kind and has no self worth to my benefit as i have countless times before which is exactly what he’s rightfully angry about this time,” he doesn’t think to himself because that is NOT the smile of someone who is thinking... like, at all. +10000 points to gryffinthor. the d*mb*ssery really jumps out.

“im sorry bro for whatever i did and whatever you’re blaming me for as an excuse to do this, im sorry bro, but you’re disturbing innocents that i don’t really care about but you’re the one making a scene in front of them so why don’t you admit you won’t kill me and are just having a temper tantrum and we move on? hmm?” and then he proceeds to get slam dunked in the face with a metal arm like yEAAAA BOI that’s what you GET for going up against the SENTIENT LAVA-SPEWING metal-man ya absolute dunderhead clod. thunderhead clod? yeah, that. he’s just so dumb, your honour, please, you must understand, the victim pleads guilty on all charges of d*mb*ss and d*mb*ss alone.

I can NOT describe the emotions I feel knowing that Thor is suck-kissing Jane’s knuckles. Like, his mouth is literally jelly-ing it up against her hand. There is suction there and it shows when he is placing and removing his mouth. I promise that’s what is happening. I’m not any happier than you about this. I regret everything. This is why Loki should be what is focused on and not Thor; Thor’s going around trying to frick frack everything in sight even if it’s just Jane’s hand. He’s maintaining eye contact with Jane while he licks her fingers. Why did I decide to rewatch this movie. 

i’m only adding this in as a thor moment because of how desperately and badly they kiss. seriously. 2/10 kiss. im not surprised jane broke up with him. they look like two actual seals fighting over an actual grape. while i’m here i’m going to criticize every fic ever that decided thor is an experienced gentle lover. what were y’all on when watching this movie. thor can and will f*ck literally everything in sight and he won’t even do it well because he is the peakest of peak d*m d*m. look at this man. look at his face. that is the face of an absolute himbo idiot, and it’s the face of an absolute himbo idiot who knows it. he’s been stranded on earth for 2 days, max, and his flirt-count is at 69 people because his name is one letter away from thot. i bet his terrible use of a pen from early means he writes his ‘r’s like ‘t’s and he doesn’t even care. 1000/10 thor moment. doesn’t get much more romance-thor than two individuals smooshing their faces together after some finger sucking. that finger sucking is gonna leave jane simping for years. and that’s true love babey. <3

“I’ll handle my Brother!” Thor says, as if Loki didn’t send a metal-murder-bot that quite virtually killed him less than ten minutes ago asdfhkhsdgsdjf Thor, you horrific himbo you, Loki’s weapon of choice is literally throwing knives he will literally kill you before you enter the room if he’s on his game and wants you dead which he just proved he would do and you’re just gonna???????????? jog on over to him????? Thor??????????? bruH???????????? buddy??????? pal???????? you really wanna go 1v1 the brother you very clearly underestimate and know nothing about????????????????? im loving the confidence, but, no.

Loki: “you literally can’t stop this from here.” Thor, immediately: “i’m going to hit it with the hammer and see if that works” and then it does in fact work later... technically speaking, even if it ends up causing chaos destruction and death and loki falling off the bifrost 😔😔😔 but Big Brain Thor is the Biggest Brained Thor!!! The plan worked!! in a messy-Thor-ish way, but it did!!!

“you can’t kill an entire race!!!!” Thor yells, teeth gritted, as he faces his brother, his coward pacifist brother, who has suddenly decided he wants to join the age-old family tradition of realm-destroying, when this is supposed to be Thor’s dream, Thor’s, not Loki’s. How dare he, Thor thinks to himself, fist clenched around Mjolnir in anger, the pain of the handle pressing against his palm perhaps the only thing preventing him from lashing out at this thought, that’s my planet of monsters to slay, he should go get his own! Loki hits Thor across the face with the back-end of his spear. “Now fight me,” Loki says, but Thor, well, Thor cannot fight, as he remains stunned that of all things Loki would dare steal his life’s ambition, and he is sent sprawling backwards across the observatory, slowly but surely sliding to a stop despite his catatonic, very symbolic silence.

the elegance, the poise, i see your time on earth has made you no less graceful, Thor. the simple magnitude of this sprawl. the spread of the arms. the turn of the feet. this is not a dude, this is a man.

sometimes your brother starts vehemently talking about he’s gonna kill the race of monsters and about how he’s only ever wanted to be your equal and about how he’s not your brother and never was and sometimes you just have to say “this is madness” instead of addressing the issues or asking for any of the  deets 🔥 👊💯😩

Loki is whipping Thor’s butt. Both literally, and metaphorically, Loki is whooping Thor’s d*mb*ss. Earlier he knicked Thor’s face, now he’s just pushing Thor around, he uses the spear as a pole and later kicks Thor’s face by kicking vertically up, and Thor, bless him in all his blond golden muscled glory, doesn’t think anything is up with this, gosh he’s such an absolute utter idiot

sometimes your brother laughs way too much and also cries too much in a fight and there are also too many of him so you just need to blast lightning so you get a shot at all of them 😌😌😌 and then put your magical infinitely-heavy hammer on his chest 😌😌😌 but it’s okay because Thor left holes in Loki’s container 😌😌😌

now THIS is the meat to Thor’s funny bone, just the pure unadulterated humour that is Thor saying that there will never be a “wiser king” or a “better father” than Odin, it cracks me up every single time without fail, just the way he says it with a straight face and— what do you mean he wasn’t joking

look at Thor’s stupid smile as he asks Heimdall to spy on jane every single day while conveniently never asking after Loki ever. This is Thor’s face in mourning after he attended a feast after everyone was celebrating after Loki’s death. Look at his stupid smile. I love him your honour. He’s just,, he’s just so frickin stewpeed, just Thor being Thor, just the purest of d*mbest of *sses. 

[cdroloisms]

starting us off strong with some good ol’ mutually assured destruction duo - this is really short, but i wrote it right after the tommy lore stream before going back to studying lmao. hope yall enjoy :D 

tw: mental illness, unhealthy relationships, implied torture, violence, blood, injuries, pandora’s vault/prison arc, darker portrayals of both c!dream and c!wilbur, mentioned death

“You look like shit.”

Dream laughed, hoarse, his hair flopping over his face as he rolled over. He was lying in a pool of his own blood - gross - and Wilbur pulled out a regen and pressed it against the other’s hand.

“We really don’t have much time - hurry it up, will you?” He walked to the other side of the cell, toeing Quackity’s limp body with his boot and wrinkling his nose. “You don’t think he’ll die or anything, right?”

Dream hummed around the rim of the bottle, sounding contemplative, before speaking. “Nah - you didn’t hit him nearly hard enough for that. He’ll just have a hell of a headache when he wakes up.”

“Nice.” He fiddled with the axe in his hand, feeling its weight - it was heavier than any weapon he was used to, but clearly well-crafted, covered back and front with carefully carved runes. The blade was one-sided, the other being a blunt, heavy end, still covered in flecks of blood. “This is quite the weapon, huh?”

“Quite,” Dream laughed shortly, “You can keep it. I know that thing far too well, now. 0/10, definitely don’t recommend.”

Wilbur turned around; Dream was sitting up in the middle of the cell, now, instead of slumped against the floor. The various open gashes on his arms and legs, bleeding sluggishly when he’d first arrived, seemed to have closed up - benefits of a regen, he supposed. He tossed over a golden apple, amusement curling in his chest when Dream flinched away from it, completely failing to catch it when it smacked into his chest.

“Fail.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dream muttered, biting into the golden skin. “Laugh it up.”

“They really did a number on you, didn’t they?” Dream shifted to maneuver his legs beneath him, hissing in pain all the while, putting his weight on one leg and immediately collapsing from the strain. “I have to say I’m almost impressed. I didn’t know they had it in them.”

“Neither did I,” Dream cursed as he fell again, glaring through his tangled hair. “But you know, the Warden was mad about the whole thing that happened with you, Quackity too. Went too far - idiots. He could’ve been working on the security flaw in his stupid prison but nooo, apparently torture is more important - what a prick.”

“I mean,” Wilbur reached a hand out, nearly pulling away at the feeling of Dream’s skin against his - not used to that, right - “It was good for us. Let me get in without too much trouble.”

“At least there’s that,” Dream conceded, hauling himself up, limbs shaking from the exertion. He moved to the wall, breathing heavily, knees buckling slightly. “Prime I’m out of shape - give me a sec-”

“Guess I’m doing most of the heavy lifting for this prison escape, then?”

Dream shook his head, barely able to speak through his gasps for air. “Yeah, guess so.”

“This better be a one time thing, you know.” He shuffled through his inventory, sorting through pots and dividing his supplies in half. “I’m covering your ass this time, but if this arrangement is to work in the future-”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Dream waved with one hand as he accepted Wilbur’s supplies with the  other, “Just give me a few days and we’ll be golden - nice work, by the way. How’d you get all of these pots so fast?”

Wilbur shrugged. “Phil hasn’t changed his chest organization in centuries. You pick things up.”

“Gotcha. You have pearls?”

“A stack for each of us, so use them wisely. Or don’t! It’s up to you.”

“I will, don’t worry.” He rolled his shoulders back, wincing, standing up so that he was no longer leaning against the wall. “They just had to mess up my legs the day before we got this done - the universe hates me, as usual.”

Wilbur snorted. “You and me both, my friend.” He slung a hand around the other’s shoulder mostly to see how he’d react, smiling thinly as he flinched back and then shot over an icy glare, “You ready to get out of this hell?”

“Believe me,” Dream pulled out a splash fire-resistance, the lava reflected in his eyes and becoming twin flames he knew all too well. There you are, Dream, he thought, a laugh bubbling up his throat. “I couldn’t be more ready.”

“Welcome back, Dream-” Wilbur smiled, throwing down an invisibility potion at the same time the fire resistance shattered against the obsidian floor. “-and you know, as they say.”

“Let’s be the bad guys.”

[indigohitoshi]

rating bnha people and how’d they protect / what’d they do with your drink:

the girls

– mina ; she cuts people ❤️ no i don’t take constructive criticism. she pulls a knife on anyone that gets too close. 10/10

– momo ; LOVE HER. she does the classic hand over cup but if anyone gets close enough she’ll create a bat and pull a sangwoo very fast <3 that’s my baby. 10/10

– jirou ; holds it close and simply screams at the top of her lungs if anyone says something along the lines of “can i see your drink?”. she just. starts hollering. until they get too scared or draws enough attention. 8/10, it scared me in the process trying to get my drink back.

– uraraka ; she makes your drink float, no one can reach it anyway. it ends up spilling but it’s the thought that counts. 6/10

– tsuyu ; she just... holds the cup in her mouth. she like. let’s it rest in there. but if someone came up and asked for the drink her tongue comes out and puts them in a chokehold, yeah ❤️ 7/10, the drink is slimey but that’s okay she did her best.

– kendou ; protects that mf with her LIFE. she doesn’t even let monoma watch it bc she doesn’t trust anyone. if someone comes within two feet of the drink she backhands the fuck out of them. 7/10, mistook you for a stranger and almost backhanded you, too.

the boys

– kaminari ; YOU GIVE IT TO HIM AND HE REALLY DOES DO HIS BEST BUT HE ENDS UP LOOSING IT. and if he doesn’t lose it he spills it trying to,, “jokingly” flirt with all his homies bc he’s a lot little tipsy. it’s the thought that counts, though. 4/10.

– sero ; he tapes it to the ceiling 😀 leaves it there. forgets about it. to be fair, he’s high out of his mind. you kinda want your drink back tho but his tape is so adhesive you can’t even cut it down 💔 3/10

– kirishima ; HE IS SO GOOD WITH DRINKS. EVERYONE trusts him. he def barks at people who gets too close or bites them until they bleed with his sharp teefies. the only thing is with all the drinks everyone trusts him with is he doesn’t know which one is yours, but he still protects it with his life. 9/10

– bakugou ; looks at you when you hand him the drink, tells you to fuck up, but goes batshit if anyone gets too close to him. at the same time he doesn’t do this shit for free, he probably spits in your drink and laughs when you smile and take a sip. i hate this mf. but 8/10.

– tokoyami ; don’t even TALK TO ME if you think he’s bad with drinks. he RESPECTS YOU WITH HIS LIFE AND WILL NOT LET THAT MF DRINK GO. he just fucking bodyslams anyone that gets too close, no words. if youre suspicious and too close he doesn’t care about your feelings and fucking destroys you on the spot. 10/10

– iida ; tells you you shouldn’t even be drinking and pours out the drink. he’s there to make sure everyone’s being responsible and you were not. 1/10 for caring tho.

– midoriya ; he does his best, too. but he lost it and had a meltdown because he thought you’d be mad at him. you reassure him it’s fine but he’s still like sobbing over it 💔 like it’s OKAY baby dw. 7/10

– monoma ; starts boasting about how much you trust him to hold your drink but hisses at anyone that tries to take it. feral mode. he swung at someone and this turned into kendo pulling him off and just watching your drink so monoma could go get some ice. 7.5/10

– shinsou ; he doesnt even wanna BE here. so when you handed him the drink unless you’re someone he EXTREMELY cares about he ditches that shit. but if you’re the lucky few he stands in a corner and just ... stares at it. his eyes don’t move. people try to talk to them and he flips them off or goes “no ❤️” and they walk away. 9/10

pro heroes

– aizawa ; he sorta like... glares at anyone that’s close enough. some bullshit excuse like “what drink is that? can i have a sip?” causes him to throw the first punch and isn’t phased by it 😀 mf said pow pow. 9.8/10, drink is 100% in tact but he complains ab how much he wants to go home.

– present mic ; he LOVES parties, but it truly pains me to say this because i love him, if you give him the drink he leaves it around and will panic. he ends up getting you a brand new drink until you sip it and say “...this isn’t my drink...” he starts crying and is overreacting more than you do. 4/10.

-- hawks ; bakugou in a different font. spits in your drink but still protects it. kinda backhanded, if he truly does fuck with you he flies around with your drink in his hand outside the bathroom door until you come back. he still spits in it tho. 9/10

-- endeavor ; disgusting. 0/10. 

-- midnight ; SO good with your drink. she absolutely just straight up ends anyone’s shit that tries to even TALK to her while she’s holding your drink. im in love with her. midnight if you’re seeing this you’re late for our date im at the restaurant rn. 10/10

league of villains

-- dabi ; idc WHAT yall say. if you ask him to hold your drink he acts irritated asf but anyone that LOOKS at the cup wrong gets burnt to ash i will debate someone on this and you Will lose. he won’t spit in it tho, he’s put hot sauce in it to piss you off and laugh when you get mad. overall 8/10.

-- shigaraki ; he really wanted to help okay but someone got too close and out of defense he pulled the cup back and disintegrated it. he didn’t cry you both just looked at the pile of ash in disappointment. 6/10.

-- toga ; got so happy when you asked her to hold your drink :( my baby :( she got so excited she accidentally stabbed someone that really wanted a napkin but she wasn’t sure because she wanted to protect your drink so bad. poor baby. at least your drink good tho <3 10/10.

-- twice ; he forms a circle of him around it. just clones of him circling the drink. very affective. 10/10. biggest smile when you give him a kiss on the cheek as a thank you.

that is all thank u <3

[variousqueerthings]

Tom Hardy Movies rated least to most queer

I made a list of some Tom Hardy movies and I rated them based on my own, non-specific criteria about what makes a movie queer. Results below the cut.

(Some films not included, because I haven’t watched them yet, because Mr Hardy’s only in them for a few minutes, because the subject matter doesn’t lend itself to this list, or because I just don’t want’em here. TV series also not included. The list is organised into both groups and ratings, because I’m doing The Most.)

Movies are divided into four groups and rated from 0 – 10 on the Queer-Scale, scroll down to the bottom if you want the ratings without the commentary.

Disclaimer: This list is subjective. Don’t come at me because I didn’t rate Inception higher, Nolan himself is as queer as cargo shorts. 

1. This movie would make more sense if it were queer

If this movie were queer it… might not become a perfect film all of a sudden, but it’d make a hell of a lot more sense than what’s actually going on. With an occasional dose of “are the cis-straights okay?”

This Means War (2012): So Chris Pine and Tom Hardy are ostensibly both in love with Reese Witherspoon, but say “I love you” to each other pretty much constantly throughout the movie and their friendship is often presented as a domestic partnership. Cool, cool, cooool.

Queer Rating: 2 out of 10. This movie hate-crimed me by having Tom Hardy literally spell out his relationship with Chris Pine, only for the script to then have him say… “can you imagine all that… but with a woman…” Later on the movie explicitly denies polyamory is possible. Fuck this film.

The Dark Knight Rises (2012): Batman movies should always be queer. Mr. Hardy’s the only one who acceptably camps it up, despite Nolan’s best attempts to make him “acceptably gruff.” No matter what you do, Bane is a massive daddy in a mask and thanks to Mr Hardy’s honestly iconic fucking speech pattern in this film, it goes from pretty atrociously straight to just queer enough to imagine a future where Robert Pattinson plays batman and maybe adopts a bunch of kids.

(the only truly decent mask in this franchise tbh)

Queer Rating: 3 out of 10. Mr Hardy’s back is the one that’s actually broken carrying any semblance of fun in this overly long movie all on his own.

Lawless (2012): Wow, this really was the year of the not-queer-enough, wasn’t it? Look, it’s “based on a real story,” but it’s also a movie and movies don’t need to stick to the truth, and this one certainly doesn’t. Was the guy queer in real life? I don’t know. But that doesn’t matter, what matters is that it’s just kind of an eh movie and maybe being queer would add something to it. One of those “but why make someone queer? because it’s always more interesting to do so,” movies.

Queer Rating: 3 out of 10. It’s just not queer. But Tom Hardy wears cardigans and described his character as a “mother figure,” which adds an interesting dynamic to him.

2. Actually Queer but in a homophobic way

Tom Hardy plays a canonically queer character, yaaay. The whole movie contains a strange sense of the director being too not-queer to actually engage with that and everything around him is almost aggressively straight, noooo.

RocknRolla (2008): Honestly this movie has the funniest coming out scene ever + that familiar undertone of “all these manly men secretly want to fuck each other” is only heightened by one of them actually being gay and in love with his best friend. It’s such a fucking… it’s such a movie. Personally I find Mark Strong, Idris Elba, Thandie Newton, and, of course, Tom Hardy to be really hot in it, so that’s a plus. There’s a scene in which Strong’s character teaches another gangster how to do a proper backhand. It’s really gay of him. Also slow-dancing at a gay club. Butler’s character needs to get himself together, you really don’t think 2008 Tom Hardy is hot? Mate.

(left to right: functional queer, disaster queer, distinguished queer)

Queer Rating: 6 out of 10, for having an actual gay character who is played by Tom Hardy doing a sexy phonecall voice to another guy, but then there’s that feeling you can’t shake that the whole movie is vaguely uncomfortable about it, like a family member awkwardly patting you on the shoulder after they found out you were queer second-hand, but they’ve still got 50 years of bias to unlearn. Also Thandie Newton is killed, fuck that noise. 

Legend (2015): If I had a nickle for the amount of times Tom Hardy’s played a gay gangster, I’d have two nickles. Which isn’t a lot, but weird that it happened twice (looks at Peaky Blinders and thinks it ought to be three times). I’ve watched Legend three times and every time it just… loses me. And because this is a biased list, I’ll only specifically mention that it fails to make Ron’s queerness anything but a way for him to shock others. Gangsters could be gay? Gasp! On the upside Tom Hardy has so much sexual tension with everyone in this movie, including himself (why would you do that? Asks Ron, bemused. Because I can’t kill you, no matter how much I fucking want to, hisses a blood-soaked Reggie right into his ear. It’s hot).

Queer rating: 5 out of 10 because the film is just not very queer for a movie with several queer men in it.

3. Straight as a forced family dinner

It’s straight.

Locke (2013): He’s a married man who had an affair and trying to deal with the fallout of it. This isn’t a spoiler for most of the movie, it’s a pretty neat movie where we look at Tom Hardy having a bit of a mental breakdown and taking lots of phonecalls (my personal hell). Is it queer? Not in the slightest.

Queer Rating: 2 out of 10 for Hardy’s face being in almost every shot.

The Revenant (2015): Yeah, yeah, DeCaprio’s and Hardy’s characters are obsessed with each other, yeah it’s a man’s world where the only women are dead wife, kidnapped sexually assaulted native princess, or background whore, yeah, they fight each other and there’s a ton of grunting, but also… I just fucking don’t like this movie. The thin line where a storyline like this one becomes queer might be crossed for others, but not for me. Fuck these guys and their stupid  bear fights.

Queer rating: 3 out of 10 for it being about dirty men in the middle of nowhere (but you could just watch Brokeback Mountain or The Lighthouse or God’s Own Country or any Mad Max, or, or, or…)

4. Queer? Queer. Queer? … Queer…

The plots, aesthetics and/or characters played by Tom Hardy lend themselves to a queer reading, even if there is no overt intention towards queerness. Often this is because of a deliberate lack of heterosexual and/or cisgender writing, which in this day and age is still pretty uncommon not to include within a plot.

Inception (2010): Okay, I don’t even need to write about the added “darling,” or the “go to sleep Mr Eames.” I don’t need to go on about the absolutely bonkers amount of fanfiction written for Eames and Arthur, based on a few minutes of film and a boatload of chemistry. It’s queer.

Queer Rating: 7 out of 10, because the actual plot of the film isn’t very queer, but between the Arthur/Eames dynamic and Elliot Page, Nolan was really given a gift he didn’t deserve.

Warrior (2011): Okay, so first off, this might be my favourite Tom Hardy film, at least some part of my brain is fixated on it at almost all times and I’m considering watching it for the third time in two weeks. I don’t only consider it queer based on Mr. Hardy’s character, although he has no romantic or sexual interest and could be read as aroace, but because of the themes, especially those surrounding said character, who is coded as a caregiver to women and through close emotional connections to men. It’s got possibly unintentional deconstructions of masculinity and two men (brothers) who need to forgive each other and can only do so through the catharsis of violence. It speaks to me as a transmasc with several cis brothers, struggling with my own masculinity. It’s not at all written for me, but I find myself all over it. I could talk about this movie forever.

Queer Rating: 8 out of 10. I’m not allowed to say any more or I’ll never stop writing about it. I love you Tommy…

The Drop (2014): Bob’s lack of sexual and/or romantic interest in Naomi is so strange to her that she doesn’t know what he would want from her otherwise. Bob really just wants to raise a dog with her (and also forgiveness for past sins). Bob is such a rare ace and possibly aro coded character, it really throws me every time I watch this film how obvious it is. Bonus points for also being autistic-coded and not in the stereotypical ways.

(Tom Hardy’s most challenging role: pretending he doesn’t know dogs)

Queer Rating: 9 out of 10 because it’s so fucking rare to see ace and aro coded characters that aren’t, you know…. serial killers. Also Tom Hardy adopts a puppy and has a very cute, kinda lispy voice. How often does Tom Hardy play softer men like this?

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015): Very deliberately no sexual or romantic writing included in Max’s and Furiosa’s relationship. Sure, there’s not a lot of time for that in the post-apocalyptic wasteland, but it was also done with a purpose! “It was always going to be two warriors on par, starting off with very little respect for each other and ending up with a massive respect for each other.” - Charlize Theron. “So of course they meet, of course there’s a relationship, an unspoken understanding. A recognition.” - Tom Hardy.

Queer Rating: 9 out of 10. It’s not just the characters, but the world and it’s apocalyptic BDSM leather scene, the questions it asks about sustainability and about people as tools, and the found family. It’s about overcoming violence through multiple kinds of love. And it’s about watching a guy playing flame-thrower guitar. What could be queerer?

Venom (2018): Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same… No, but Eddie is queer. The only question is whether the sequel will acknowledge that aspect or not, but even if not. Even if it manages to straightly bypass the reality of a symbiotic relationship with a genderless? genderfluid? being from another world that is linked to you down to your very cells and understands you more intimately than any other person possibly could… even if all that: Eddie is queer. Venom and Eddie are in a relationship. Any relationship Eddie ever enters into will automatically become a thrupple. He makes out with Venom in the movie! Eddie is queer.

(aw yeah that tongue is going down his throat)

Queer Rating: 9.5 out of 10, because it’s still coded by the creators in the language of bromance (hey, bro, is it gay if we’re physically and emotionally closer than any other people on earth?), but the movie is so, so camp and Mr Hardy’s acting choices are beautiful – the screaming? The lispy soft voice and lack of taking up space? The lobster tank? The only people who don’t know how queer this is are the people making it apparently. Fingers crossed for that sequel!

Hon. mentions:

Star Trek: Nemesis (2002): Star Trek – even at it’s worst (especially at its worst?) – is camp af + Hardy is a straight-up baby in this film.

Bronson (2008): It’s about a real person who’s still alive, so I won’t comment on the actual man. However the film seems to code the character Bronson along an ace line and also has genderqueering Vaudeville. Someone let Tom Hardy do more of whatever was going on in those stage-bits.

(this right here: this the good shit)

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011): Another ensemble piece not massively about Hardy’s character, but it’s a movie that centers around queerness in a strange, depressing way. Tom Hardy’s character isn’t queer. Colin Firth and Mark Strong are though. The book makes me cry.

Peaky Blinders (2013-): Because it’s a TV series I left it out. There’s a lot of straight nonsense going on there, but Alfie Solomens is gay. There’s nothing in the series that disputes that and plenty that lends itself to the reading.

Dunkirk (2017): Tom Hardy plays an RAF pilot in a deep emotional connection with the other main RAF pilot. That’s immediately gay. However he’s not in the movie much because of the way it’s constructed, so I left it off.

Queer Ratings (least to most)

No queer to be found here traveller:

This Means War: 2 out of 10 - illegal movie, Tom Hardy swore he wouldn’t do another rom-com after

Locke: 2 out of 10 - straight Welshman and his straight problems. He pretty though

Lawless: 3 out of 10 - cardigan-Hardy being a mother-hen, but very straight for all that

The Dark Knight Rises: 3 out of 10 - a superhero movie that doesn’t deserve Mr Hardy’s camp talents (unlike Venom)

The Revenant: 3 out of 10 - doesn’t give me what I want out of a movie full of dirty, bearded men

Queer but we deserve more:

Legend: 5 out of 10 - timid homosexuality, considering the source material. 

RocknRolla: 6 out of 10 - hey bro, is it gay if we kill the only female lead in our massive ensemble cast

The queerest of Hardy’s:

Inception: 7 out of 10 - Elliot Page and JGL kissing was an all-around terrible choice that made no sense, we know the truth, Nolan

Warrior: 8 out of 10 - I’m still crying, Edgerton’s crying, Hardy’s crying, we’re all crying, and I think that’s really emotionally healthy and queer of us

Mad Max: Fury Road: 9 out of 10 - non-romantic love in the time of BDSM post-apocalyptic wastelands is something that can actually be so personal

The Drop: 9 out of 10 - “Fucking punk. Go out to dinner dressed like you're still in you living room! You wear those big hippity-hoppity clown shoes! You speak to women terribly! You treat them despicably! You hurt harmless dogs that can't defend themselves! I'm tired of you man. I'm tired of you. You embarrass me!”

Venom: 9.5 out of 10 - Sometimes a relationship is an anxious reporter, the sentient goo inhabiting his body, his kinda-ex-girlfriend and her new doctor boyfriend, and I think that’s beautiful

[multiplefandomsblog]

your roommate hcs are so cute, can i request for naib, demi, tracy, andrew, kurt, patricia, and victor?

:0 holy crap yes! I’m so glad you enjoyed the roommate hcs!! Me and the other mods hope you enjoy these! Thank you for requesting :))

(i added melly because why not? lmao hope you don’t mind.)

Part 1!

Naib Subedar

This man deadass didn’t know you were living with him

Even when people told him about it, he wasn’t rlly paying attention and didn’t rlly care

Your stuff in his room? He thought it was his or someone just broke into his room and left it there

When he saw you on the toilet however, he just freaked out.

“Why the hell are you shitting in my room!?” “Your room? I’ve been living here for 2 months!”

Once he found out you lived with him, he made sure you knew what was his and what was yours

also, since he’s very protective of his things-- you being one of them-- he would totally get jealous if he caught you tallking to someone that wasn’t him.

he would probably give you the silent treatment and act like a pissy baby

He hates it when you touch his stuff

especially his photos, the photos were special to him because they were of him and his army friends.

You’d sometimes catch him looking at the photos with a longing in his eyes, it was highkey sad.

having you live with him meant lots and lots of training

he made sure you were always prepared for matches and that you don’t get downed early

when you got downed early however, He would scold you but he would still rescue you anyways because he’s soft

“You’re such an idiot, you’d better do better next time! Or else I’ll kick your ass.” 

one time he got cocky while kiting because you were watching him

he forgot to turn on his elbow pads and face palmed into the wall.

“...You saw nothing.” He turned around, a bit woozy from hitting his head on a wall. He flipped the hunter off before stumbling wooshing away

When you first get to know naib, he’d probably come off as intimidating and menacing

but once you get to know him--the real him--, you start to understand that even though he may be tough on you, its because he wants you to be the best

he has good intentions

During matches he’d let you handle yourself and made sure you didn’t rely on him too much

One time you needed to shower but you ran out of your shampoo so you used his.

When he questioned you, you simply responded “What? You don’t need it anyways, you’re bald!”

He didn’t rescue you the next round.

should’ve seen that coming

though he forgives you when you braid his luscious long existent hair for him

Kurt Frank

The amount of times you almost stepped on this man is astronomical.

he would constantly be in his tiny form because he would lose a lot of his things

his tiny form helped him find his things easily

Though when you first moved in with him, you had no idea what his ability was

so when you first saw a tiny version of your roommate you thought he was just a weird doll

until you heard him say a tiny, “Hey can you move your ginORMOUS foot? You’re stepping on my book.”

You fucking screeched and took off your shoe to try and kill him

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

After he explained to you about his ability you calmed down a bit and spared this tiny man but only this time!

Frank loves books, he probably filled your shared rooms with stacks on stacks of books

You’d often see him tiny, waving at you while you’re decoding

Once you overhead Kurt arguing with First Officer over who was the rightful owner of some sort of treasure map

They fought for days,

kurt would constantly complain about it to you

turns out it was just a game on the back of a Cereal box.

sorry this is short like kurt

Tracy Reznik

Would be a little awkward at first, but the awkwardness slowly fades away when you both make bad jokes

she gives me childhood best friend vibes

Has her doll sitting in the corner of your shared room room, it’s lifeless eyes scare the living shit out of you in the dark you try not to make eye contact, afraid it’ll curse you or smth

if she was mad at you she would move the bot in a way that looked like it was flipping you off you off in your direction before you went to bed.

Always making little robot things that are super fun to play with

Loves sharing her things. Has no problem with it

you wanna wear her clothes? sure

you want to wear her underwear? evEN BETTER-

Pulling all nighters, trying to get her machines to work like how she wanted it to work.

Would live off of kraft Mac n cheese and junk food in the modern day

Pretty hyper, chugs pink monster energy drinks while pulling all nighters, also, in the modern day

would probably be a bruh girl

Her room is a mess, covered with blueprints and scrap metal

her room is practically a safety hazard

Sometimes she dresses her doll up a bit, putting wigs or her old clothes on it (which scares you half to death)

Once she made her doll dress up like her

and you almost went up to it to ask what it wanted for dinner.

Has a photo of her and her dad

You never wanted to bring it up, worried it might make her upset :(

Sometimes she’d feel really guilty about being downed in the first 30 seconds

please comfort her, she feels super bad

She always relies on you to rescue her

She gets really happy and thankful when you body block for her but she still gets a bit concerned when you do it randomly

“i wasn’t even kiting-” “Protecc the mecc.”

Demi Bourbon

Always out at the bar

Smells like alcohol constantly

tipsy 24/7

she’s never 100% sober

You have to hold her hair out of her face when she comes back to your shared room to hurl

Likes bringing back hard vodka or weird flavoured alcohols back for you guys to get wasted try together

Room is bit cluttered, but she doesn’t have much in her room since she’s always out in bars or matches

Usually latches onto you like a parasite when she’s drunk.

it gets a bit awkward when her face is a bit close to yours,

“Are we about to kiss right now-? BLeurghgrhgherrgh.”“...*audible sigh*”

You’d go to her expecting her to heal you like a normal person but no

instead she shoves dovlin down your throat

She likes to do your makeup, and always adds a matching beauty mark

unless you don’t wear makeup, then she’d ask you to do hers 

always loves how she looks afterwards

more than sometimes demi would get into bar fights, 

so you know she’s about to throw hands when she starts takes off her earrings-

10/10 would fight for you <3

She’s gives me cool wine aunt vibes

Probably a lesbian too (check out our Demi smut fic ;))

Or bi, idk

Just straightn’t

She’s really good at hyping you up, especially when you’re taking shots

“CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG-”

Andrew Kreiss

Would be very shy at first, opens up a little when you get to know him

Totally a night owl, can’t sleep at night from all the guilt and “what if’”s

if you see this baby awake at night, hug him, he really needs it

You’ve never seen the other side of his face

How does he see with hair in his eyes?

He’s albino, which is super dope

Sometime you fear he’s thinking about burying you

You always see him thwacking Luca with his shovel

Barely talks

Room is moderate

He doesn’t want you to find out too much about him

He may seem bland, but he loves sweet food

You’d bake him cookies and other sweets

He’d act as if he’s not embarrassed and brush it off

“Are you blushing?”“No, I-I’m sunburnt.” “On your face?” “....I stare into the hot red sun sometimes because it eases me.”

to keep his lie going, every time he catches you staring at him he would fry his eye balls by staring into the sun until you left

partially the reason why he can’t see well

When he’s not looking, you stare at him while he’s eating the stuff you made because he looks so happy :’)

One time you found him down in the dumps so you made him a cup of coffee, and when you handed it to him you said-

“Depresso espresso?”

*sniff* ”..are you oka-” “IM NOT CRYING, YOU ARE”

he actually cried

it was such a nice gesture(?), that he started ugly crying

You’d ask him if he wanted hugs during matches when you see him get stressed

He’d be flushed and kinda confused

hug... him? why tho lmao

he’d definitely agree tho, to be fair, with some hesitation 

if y’all ever cuddled in bed, i feel like he’d be a little spoon

poor boy needs the comfort, he wouldn’t mind if you wanted to be little spoon tho

he just wants to be close to you

Victor Grantz

You love playing with his dog, Wick

Super nice and polite, but a little guarded

The type to be too afraid to call people out when they do something wrong but would totally trash them in his head

You write him little letters everyday and leave them on his bed to make him happy :))

He’d a be a little spoon

Wick would always join you guys while cuddling

Kisses would be soft and gentle

Usually sends you the first letter in matches

Loves to cuddle

He bb 🥰

You always get him a birthday present AND a Christmas present

You also get a gift for Wick

He loves giving you surprise hugs

Likes to read with you while cuddling

Literally a cinnamon roll

Once he was eating a cinnamon roll

And you whispered

“C a n n i b a l i s m .”

He was very confused

and kind of scared- were you going to eat him?

Patricia Dorval

Room always smells like herbs

She could literally smoke weed and you’d think it’s some magical healing herb

it magically makes you feel better

Always there to stun the hunter when you’re ballooned

The mature one

Her room is organized, with boxes labeling what herbs and magic stuff that are in them

You were cooking dinner for the day and you accidentally used one of her fancy herbs in your soup

She didn’t realize until she tried the soup

She wasn’t mad just disappointed

She lectured you on how you shouldn’t touch her stuff or use it for cooking

Gotta admit tho, the soup was pretty good

she acts like the mom everyone wishes they had

totally the type to be like, “dude we should think this through.” before doing something risky

and then five seconds later, “cowABUNGA MY DUDES”

one time she caught kreacher leaving the mens washroom without washing his hands

seeing as she was the mother of this manor, she had to protect her children from diseases

so she yeeted her monkey skull at kreachers head, cleanly knocking him out

and everybody cheered.

Melly Plinius

When you heard melly was going to be your roomie, you couldn’t have been more excited.

you finally had a victim for the many insect pick up lines!

So you decided to make some good first impressions by waiting for her in your room.

so when she arrived to your room and greeted you, you happily greeted her back, and slipped in the pick up line.

“Hello, my name is Melly. I believe I will be your ro-?”“Yeah nice to meet you too, say, what do bees make?”

She kinda thought you were a bit rude so much for first impressions

“...Erm, honey?” she replied hesitantly

“YES DEAR?” 

... okay maybe you weren’t thaaaat bad.

after that she kind of developed a teensy crush on you 

so it was hard living with you because of her crush, since she was constantly flustered 

you loved her reactions, she constantly got red.

it was funny watching her try to keep her cool and fail.

[lucifers-favorite-pen]

How The Obey Me Brothers Would Do in a “The Forest” AU

Fandom: Obey me

Pairings: None

Warnings: Swearing, idiocy, mild gore

The Forest was just released for the new Oculus headset, and Levi could NOT pass up this opportunity. However, it’s just his luck he got his hands on a cursed copy of the game, and ended up sucking the House of Lamentation into the game! Here’s how our favorite boys faired in the universe of “The Forest”

Lucifer:

Is pissed.

Bitches about it heavily

Is irritated that he has to find and wrangle a digital son now as well as his siblings. 

Would definitely help everyone else build a little shelter before nightfall, but would be grumbling about how much work he has to do at home and how far behind this would put him. 

Doesn’t let MC lift a finger and is 100% a mother hen the whole time. 

Seems inconvenienced by the whole cannibal thing, until he realizes magic doesn’t exist here and he has to use his melee fighting skills to kill them. Skills that are a little rusty...

Teams up with Beel to be the camp dads and take care of everyone

Super paranoid about the stability of the walls and the house at the beginning

Dies from eating a poisonous berry. He didn’t know he could be affected by poison in this game.

Over all, does his best to keep everyone alive, and feels really bad when someone dies. 

No longer feels bad when he learns that the worst thing that happens is you lose all your stuff and you respawn. 

A solid 7/10 job. Probably dies a few times due to someone else being an idiot, but is a pretty good survivalist when push comes to shove. 

Mammon:

Is also pissed

He was in the middle of counting the grimm from his latest modeling gig when he was sucked into the game.

Bitches and moans with/at Lucifer, but tries to build and maintain a shelter.

Who’s Timmy?

I don’t think crows exist in the game, but seagulls do and they all land on his fingers and he makes friends with them.

Is very upset when one of his brothers kills a bird for food or to simply carry around its head as a trophy. 

Sees cannibals and tries to trade with them with the grimm he has in his pockets.

Dies on sight.

Now when he sees or hears cannibals he screams and cowers behind MC 

When they go away or the screaming stops, he stands up straight and dusts off his jacket “Psh, I wasn’t afraid! I was trying to comfort you from behind! YOU were the one afraid”

After a while in the game, he gets his shit together and honestly kinda kills it. 

This is the avatar of greed, you know he is going to gather and horde so many valuable resources and then guard them with his life. 

“Mammon I’m hurt please stop hissing at me and let me have the medicine bottle”

*hiss* “You can have ONE pill and ONE pill only”

Over all, the definition of “They had us in the first half ngl”

8/10 for managing the group’s food and resource stores so well and only dying a fuck ton of times. 

Levi

...oops?

Feels quite guilty, but is also secretly pumped to immerse himself in the game.

Was extremely skilled at this game IRL and tries to explain how it works to everyone else, but they’re all so pissed and no one’s listening.

“That’s fine, who would want to listen to a yucky otaku like me anyway!” 

Magic doesn’t exist here, but that doesn’t stop Levi from yeeting himself into the ocean and turning into a giant sea monster while his brothers complete the game. 

They don’t want his help? They don’t want to know that the cannibals can’t swim and that they’ll be safer if they build a boat and live in a boathouse on the water? Fine. Then Perish <3

That goes for Timmy too, fuck that kid. 

Doesn’t want MC to suffer tho, so he’ll kill a few sharks and throw them up over the wall with his tail. (I’m assuming that if the game is released for Oculus Rift that they will get their shit together and also make sharks edible)

Is having a grand time taking over the ocean. 

Will sometimes go to shore to visit MC. Everyone is confused as to where he has been and how he is thriving. He just smiles and jumps back in the water.

10/10 strats. Never once dies. Tells everyone what they were doing wrong and how they could have had it easier when they beat the game and are back IRL out of spite.

Satan

Angy

Is throwing things in their spots while building the shelter, but is still helping

Spawns in with the book he was reading in his hand.

That book is eventually stolen from his grasp in the night and used as kindling for the fire.

Lucifer explains that if he didn’t steal his book they all would have died. 

Satan does not give a fuck

“Use the kid’s stupid fucking drawings you dipshit!”

“I can’t they’re story items!”

Goes on a rampage and kills so many deer, effectively feeding the group for a week.  

Sees the cannibals for the first time and thinks “same” 

Pretty good fighter and pretty resourceful when it comes to making armor and weapons. 

Outfits MC with the all of his prototypes and tells them to go run at a tree

“How do you feel, MC?”

“Like I ran at a tree with a deer skin on my chest”

“Interesting”

Very upset at the whole no magic thing, but will work with it.

Over all, 7/10 job. Dies a couple times from cannibals and the other monsters, but makes it to the end.

Asmo

Oh dear. 

Oh dear this sweet summer child. 

“Why are we looking for this child when he’s so ugly?”

Is distraught and so very upset this is happening to him. Cries variations of “woe is me” for the first five hours of game play

Does not help build a shelter

Does not help gather food and resources

Does not help period. Only whines. 

Sees cannibals sprinting and jumping towards the shelter and pushes Lucifer in front of him

“Take him! I’m too pretty to die!”

“HEY!”

What follows after the first three days is a slow decent into madness. 

Ends up butt ass naked for the majority of the game because the clothes he spawned in with were ripped to shreds and “No animal skin clothing in this world is good enough to adorn my perfect body��

Starts speaking to the animals and becomes friends with all of them like a Disney Princess. 

The animals come to his aid when he lets out a specific shriek that calls them to his side.

Spends his time weaving flower crowns for MC, his brothers, and his animal friends. 

Everyone knows he’s snapped when Beel brings back the dead body of a cannibal and Asmo dips his dirty little finger into an open wound and wipes the blood on his lips. 

“I just love this shade! Don’t you?” 

5/10 job. Dies multiple times from trying to befriend hostile animals, but also has an army of woodland creatures at his disposal by the end of the game.

Beel

Bro you know this mans is about to make this game his bitch

Spawns in with a cheeseburger.

Eats the cheeseburger.

“I have a son?”

“I HAVE A SON :D”

“Where is my son?”

Honestly the thought of Beel in this game is so sexy like I’m simping so hard rn 

Grab your water skins and buckle up bc it’s about to get thirsty up in here y’all

A shirt? Beel doesn’t know what those are anymore

He crafts one of those shoulder harnesses out of hide and bone and sticks a bone shiv thing on the forearm 

Don’t mess with this demon when his dinner and his family is on the line.

Is not afraid of anything except the death of his loved ones.

Cannibals? Nah, dinner.

Other monsters? Nah, dinner. 

Full shirtless lumberjack mode with Lucifer, and later Mammon, when cutting down trees in the forest. MC is drooling. 

Definitely makes a game out of how many trees they can all chop down before giving up.

Plays knuckle bones with Belphie and MC using real knuckle bones. 

Doesn’t want to share his food with the others but will if they didn’t get anything to eat that day. 

Chef Beel. That’s it that’s the post. 

10/10 job. Only dies once throwing his body over Belphie’s sleeping one to save him. 

Get’s annoyed when he finds out Belphie was fake sleeping

Very sexy. Would watch. 

Belphie

Nah dude no thanks 

Alexa play “Wake Me Up When September Ends”

Alexa play “Billie Jean”

“And the kid is not my son”

Get’s so fucking pissed when he finds out he can’t sleep without everyone else deciding to sleep too so he just lays down with his eyes closed and hopes for the best.

Doesn’t help with anything unless someone asks him to

Even then he’ll roll his eyes like brat and slowly do it

An actual sloth

No like he clings to MC and Beel like a sleepy sloth 100% of the time

He can’t find any cows and is sad so he settles for the local deer instead. 

Fake sleeps through most of the whole thing, paying monster and cannibals alike absolutely no mind. Beel will take care of it.

Freaks the fuck out when Beel dies on top of him and goes into a rage and kills everything in sight. 

Very sweet reunion when he realizes that they just respawn.

No longer pays death any mind and continues fake sleeping. 

0/10. Virtually useless. 

Masterpost

[hannie-dul-set]

who in nct 127 would agree to platonically kiss you

i see you're back, you weirdo. finished with seventeen, now let's move on to nct 127!! i would do all of them but 21 members is a bit too much for my dried up sea sponge imitation of a brain, don't you think? anyways, let's get this show on the road!!

dream ver. / seventeen ver.

taeil: listen here, man is already used to hyuck constantly trying to get a bite of his face, do you think asking for a kiss will phase him? he'd give you a nonchalant sure and get on with it. hurry. chop chop. being a wanted man is tiring make it quick. downside is it will turn into his way of greeting you when you see him again. he will not let you live it down | rating: 8/10 because "hey y/n no kiss today?" "oh why are you pouting, want a kiss?" and you're like STOP. PLEASE. but does he stop? no.

johnny: "try your best lol" yeah he wouldn't mind. yeah he'd let you kiss him. that is if you could actually reach him lmao. it will turn into a game with you constantly trying to jump/climb/chop off his legs just so you can kiss him, but johnny is unbeatable even if you're taller/as tall as him. if you're persistent enough he'd eventually give in. he'd stop and actually let you get near him, that shit eating grin on his face but then SIKE. bitch you thought | rating: 3/10 because it's good exercise.

taeyong: lmao this one's another fun game. he'd say yes sure ofc but he's nervous poor baby. and you were about to give him a lil smooch but all of a sudden— fight or flight instincts: activated. OOPS i didn't mean to swerve away haha my body moved on it's own sorry let me try that again. OOPS shit are you okay?? omg i didn't mean to push you off the couch and into the coffee table and injure your back i'm sowwy huhu ; - ; | rating: 2/10 all you wanted was to test if your new lipstick was gonna smudge but what you got was a fresh purple bruise.

yuta: ask and you shall receive. actually even if you don't ask, you'll still receive because if you're friends with him, there's a ninety-nine percent chance that you've already made out with him before. drunk or sober doesn't matter. no words needed, just give him a look and he'll be like "that's my cue" and within seconds his tongue is all over yours like a maniac | rating : 10/10 psh this is all in a days job for yuta.

doyoung: he'll think your crazy (you are crazy) absolutely mad. a brute. he isn't dealing with your bullshit, who do you think he is? you think you're hot shit huh? think you can just get a kiss from him if you ask? god the disrespect. try sending him 18th century-esque love letters, first. balcony serenade him. stare at him longingly across the palace ballroom. send him a fresh rose every single day at his doorstep then maybe by then he'll let you hold his hand | rating: 6/10 the effort is worth it, i promise.

jaehyun: to everyone who still has the fratboy persona pinned on jaehyun, you're wrong shut the fuck up. you'd casually ask him if you can kiss in this picture perfect, out of a movie scene scenario for your story or whatever the fuck and he's down for it. absolutely down. haha his nerves aren't going crazy at all. he acts so confident and carefree and you actually think he's chill with it and you're like cool let's smooch. but on the inside he's like what??? is this??? oh my fuckindhshhdj | rating: 8/10 jaehyun is a good kisser and just as good at falling in love easily oops.

winwin: you're gonna die. you've signed up for death. he is going to throw you into the 5th circle of hell. did i mention that you're gonna die? also did you forget how strong sicheng is? my god what a mistake you have done. he won't even say anything throughout. if you even get a CENTIMETER closer into his safe zone, he will destroy you. he will make you perish. you will regret this please reconsider | rating: 0/10 you're a dumbass for even trying. my god what is wrong with you.

jungwoo: oh? you want to kiss him? you really want to? congrats! because he wants to too!! the only problem is he's gonna take this as permission to never stop kissing you. you're eating cereal? oh! a kiss for you uwu. you just happened to pass by him? surprise smooch! you've just subscribed to jungwoo's eternal scmooching services. sorry, there is no cancellation. thank you | rating: 9/10 minus one point because you're like jungwoo stop i think this is enough and he's like no ❤

mark: oh my god you're gonna break him. he's gonna start foaming at the mouth, eyes twitching, and steam is gonna escape from his ears. oh that's what you're trying to do? okay then (you monster). the moment you ask him he is gonna break and he won't have the receptors to even say yes or no my god. why would you want this | rating: 1/10 are you a sadist? do you like seeing others in pain? because if that's the case then 10/10.

donghyuck: "you want to kiss me? are you in love with me or something? damn you're in love with me aren't you haha guys y/n is in love with me can you believe that" we all know how much of a little shit he is. but in actuality he's too much of a loser to actually pull through it. he'd be like yeah psh a kiss? that's all you want? WEAK (you're the weak one, hyuck) will start burning up once you actually do, and all that happens is your lips slightly grazing against one other and he'd be like "CUT. END SCENE. THANK YOU" | rating: 5/10 that wasn't even a kiss rip.

[lukesperfectharmonyhair]

im rewatching jatp instead of studying for the 3 tests i have tomorrow and i thought i would share my thoughts and reactions with each episode so enjoy!!....

wake up

- hearing the “1, 2, 3″ at the start of the episode gives me more serotonin than my antidepressants ever will

- julie’s slippers...that’s it...that’s the thought

- that dry ass pasta the molina’s are eating for dinner??? someone needs to give my man ray some cooking tips or a cookbook... something

-the looks the boys give julie when she says it was an OLD cd she found. as if they could be old??

-the entire julie and luke kitchen scene i mean there are no words to describe how much i am in love with scene. the banter, the flirting, luke giving this girl he literally just met an actual PIECE OF HIS SOUL so she can get music back into her life. not a single time have i watched that scene and not felt my heart literally grow cause of how cute they are. 

-the entire scene when julie is singing wake up. that scene is what made me literally CRAVE watching the other episodes. like of course i was going to watch them cause i wasn’t gonna just stop watching a show after one episode, and yes the show was good already but seeing the lighting and her voice, and just everything about the scene,,,,*chef’s kiss* 

bright

-flynn drinking seven sodas....SEVEN??? i would be throwing up if i drank more than like 2 and she drank seven,,,no ma’am.

- flynn and her trumpet. talented queen

- “ i wouldn’t have given you the song if i didnt think you were gonna rock it.” lmaooo im crying:)

- i start tearing up every time julie goes to play the first notes of bright,,, and then i’m full on bawling when the guys come in and play with her cause...they weren’t playing to be seen they were playing to be there for her and play to comfort her. pls i love them<3

- nick vibing in the front row

- the tech guy deserves so much more praise

flying solo

- reggie’s little butt shake or whatever you wanna call it!!

- julie’s little laugh when she yells at the guys to stop it

- “and we’re on the runway again” GENUINELY one of my favorite lines of the whole show pls i love luke’s humor

-this is the first time i noticed this but reggie’s face after alex says “DONT TELL ME HOW TO GHOST!”

-WILLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU<3333333

-the slow mo helmet take off,,,,me too alex me too

-willie’s little giggles:))))

- “oh-oh!”

- “no clue” alex i love you baby<3

- next season better give us a scene of flynn throwing eggs at someone’s house because i think it’s safe to say we were robbed of that experience. 

- the flying solo performance is just amazing

i got the music

- just the whole opening scene is so cute ....the dancing, singing, happiness RADIATING from julie 

-nick in an all white suit and fedora

-WILLEX MUSEUM DATE YEAH BABYYYYY

- carefree skateboarder bf and anxiety ridden drummer bf

- yelling. in. museums. 

-alex thinking he’s literally dying again because of the salt... zero braincells in this band.

- another scene we were robbed of that i need to see in season 2...reggie singing “home is where my horse is” while alex and julie sit patiently and attentively listen to him but luke looks like he’s about to commit murder

- i get SO MUCH second hand embarrassment for julie when she looks through luke’s songbook and says “ wow luke I didn’t know you were such a romantic” julie baby i love you but...eekkkkk

- “he looks like a substitute teacher”- where did he come up with that like so many other things he could be compared to but a substitute teacher??

- “luke introduced you to rock” heck yeah it did.. literal soulmates

- would like to see a picture of the raccoon in Flynn’s backyard

- wee woo wee woo police sirens://///

- julie’s outfit ughhhh i love it

- the poster that im pretty sure says “sexiest role” behind caleb... why was that necessary 

the other side of hollywood

- THE ENTIRE PERFORMANCE OF THE OTHER SIDE OF HOLLYWOOD 

- i lose my absolute shit over this song omg literal chills

- the cape grab i cannot physically do this rn

- willie being so excited the entire performance and looking over to see alex’s reaction

- reggie being in awe everytime one of the girls performing does something.. me too reggie

-”well i wouldn't really call it mAAgiCcCC bUT”

- nick and his fedora again

- alex has a crush, alex has a crush on.....WILLIE

-the boys eating food for the first time in 25 years is honestly so realistic

-alex shoving a whole slice of pizza in his mouth

- lukes ‘OH MY GODDDDD’

- reggie kissing his meatball sub that looks painfully dry but also delicious 

- the continuation of the other side of hollywood performance and everyone dancing

-reggie imitating caleb’s evil laugh and owen trying so hard not to break

-me getting mad at the boys for not showing up for julie and being sad with her but at the same time i’m obviously not mad at the boys just...disappointed?? idk 

finally free

- how did julie get to the school if she missed the first three classes?? wasn’t she still at flynn’s house from the night before cause she slept over so did she walk to school or was she just sitting in flynn’s house by herself and one of flynn’s parents was like you gonna go to school or???

-dance class with nicky poo<3

-reggie fixing his amp in the rain

-julie’s blue dress outfit in this episode is my ABSOLUTE favorite 

- the birthday candle scene makes me sob like a little baby,,,and rightfully so

- julie smart, smart to be taking calculus as what a sophomore??

- all eyes on me yes queen iconic

- alex dancing is how i dance in my brain whenever the song comes on 

- finally free as a song is NEVER given enough credit and why not?? it’s my favorite song they do as a band AND the madison’s vocals and the echoing part omg i loveeeee

- and the whole performance with luke’s heart eyes. i count this performance as the moment luke like fell in love with julie...like full on just blown away with how much awe and admiration he has for her in that moment and all the time.

 - julie and luke singing “and you’re a part of me” while staring directly into each others soul,,,yeah that’s love kids

edge of great

- carlos being the ghost hunter he is and tía being done with him

- luke’s pouting face 

- reggie and ray making breakfast together is so wholesome. reggie really loves and seeks comfort in ray and i love that

- luke just waiting next to julie’s locker and his little “hey”

- the first time i watch this scene i thought charlie was from new york cause of the way he says “ i can't do this without you” and then i watched the cast interviews and just realized he is somewhat joey tribbiani 

- jealous luke hehehehehhehehe

- “well dont you look shARrP”- yes he does luke thank you very much

- “uh oh i think someone has a crush on julie” yeah you do you little shit,,, now admit it to her

- the proud look on luke’s face when he realizes julie is still paying attention to HIM even though she’s supposed to be having a full on conversation with nick

- the shoulder push ( as someone who has had their own shoulder pushed in the middle of a high school hallway as a weird way of flirting,,,,i can definitely somewhat attest to how luke is feeling in that moment and i too continued to flirt with the person who shoulder shoved me while we were still standing in the hallway)

- the flow from whatever the hell dance nick and julie are doing and the perfect harmony dance is so special to me and i love it

-ADOANCLOBNAOVBCOAB THE HAIR PLSSSSS

- EVERYTIME THE SCENE COMES ON AND I SEE HIM WALKING THROUGH THE MIRROR I HAVE TO PAUSE THE SHOW FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES WHILE I DIE LAUGHING BECAUSE THE HAIR IS SO BAD EVEN THOUGH I SHOULD BE USED TO HOW IT LOOKS AFTER WATCHING THIS SHOW LITERALLY 30 TIMES

- i think people see my username and assume i like his hair in this scene but...ummm fun little fact i do not like it

- the dance is so good though ugh my babies

- the hair

- madison is gorgeous 

- another season 2 scene i need: julie teaching this dance to luke and they perform it in front of alex and reggie so they can see luke roll on the floor like that

-the hair

- the lift i loveeee

- the voices at the end of the song *chef’s kiss*

- the way julie spins out from luke and into nick omg so good

- “thAnKs pArTnER”

- luke denying his feelings for julie,,,babe pls

- the whole edge of great performance is so good and beautiful and the colors are SPECTACULAR 

-julie avoiding luke’s gaze lolz

- can't believe my mans really tried to deny he didn’t have feelings for julie like 5 hours earlier even though he’s getting upset because she hasn’t looked at him in 2 minutes

- THE. GUITAR. RIFF. SOLO.

- when i finally learn how to play the electric guitar well enough to learn the guitar solo... it’s over for everyone

-nick just came to watch the girl he likes perform not watch her flirt with a hologram plssss can we give this man a break next season.

- “we have to say goodbye to julie”- that’s literally more important to luke than not playing music anymore because julie is music to him now

unsaid emily

-already crying and the episode hasn't even started

-willex in the orpheum

- alex literally being OVER reggie

- nope too emotionally unstable to watch this scene right now

- my therapist will be hearing about this tomorrow

- show us the baby picture of luke cowards

- this is such a beautiful song that makes me cry every fucking time gosh damn it

- everytime i watch the flashback scene of luke on his bike i think of “christmas song” by phoebe bridges and i cry even more

- i tried to learn how to play this song on my electric guitar (because i dont have an acoustic guitar) and i ended up crying half way through so i do not think i will be playing it anytime soon:/

- the harmonies *chef’s kiss*

- THE POLICE LIGHTS ....i cry

- FAT tears rolling down my face

- there's literally not a moment i don’t cry during this episode

- interesting little relationship :0

- when i played percussion in 7th grade i used to lay down on the couch in the practice room at school ( which god knows what people did on that couch...ew) and stick my drumsticks up my nose too,,,, just another similarity between alex and i 

stand tall

- willie really drove a bus 200 miles into the desert for his crush

- WILLEX HUG 

- i love willie no last name so much,,,i just wanna hold and protect him

- alex’s ballerina dance

-julie’s overall outfit i love<3

- “im swimming”

- the way carlos hangs up the iPad on tía makes me CRACK UP he’s just lmao bye girl

- another julie outfit i love

- “anything julie. you know that.” AHHHHHAASIDSJFPACISN love bitches

- the suits

- luke’s hair in this episode is so much better than the perfect harmony hair pls

- YOU GOT NOTHING TO LOSE

- the way luke looks so restricted and confined in his suit... but at the same time he looks like a 10 week old puppy

-luke’s AGGRESSIVE but small foot tapping leading up to being on the stage

- the solos:)))))

- crying again over julie’s monologue to her mom

- julie really was brave enough to be ready to perform by herself

-the way Trevor looks at carrie when she says “been here before”

-ALEXXXXXX

-REGGIEEEEE

-luuukkKKKEEEEEEE

- this performance makes me cry

- especially the first time when i saw luke flickering...sobs

- he finally looks free in his suit:))

- alex’s solo is so pretty i love him

- reggie’s solo too 

- nick just straight up vibing the entire performance

- alex and luke holding hands...hehehe cute besties

- “thank you, guys” NO THANK YOU 

- the way julie begs for them to do something about the jolts for HER cause she knows luke would never say no to her

- “no music is worth making, julie, if we’re not making it with you,” I JUST SCREAMED AND IM PRETTY SURE I WOKE UP MY ENTIRE HOUSEHOLD...whoops

- going back to that line i could say so much about it but....for someone who’s life was literally MUSIC for the 17 years he was alive, and after finding out he could play music again even though he was dead and saying it made him feel alive, he would give that up- he would give up playing his guitar, playing in a band with his friends, give up writing and singing music- if he wasn’t doing that with julie. that’s more than saying i love you,,,that’s literally like saying i’d give up my ENTIRE LIFE and what i love to do if i dont get to do it with you

- i just made myself cry with that description...wow

-the hug<3

-also imagine how luke felt in that moment,,, hearing this girl, once again that he would give his life up for, saying in his ear that she loves them. i would motherfucking glow too, luke

- *passionately but gently holds each others faces*

-HANDS OFF MY BABY NICK, CALEB

- caleb’s outfit is....something

- the head turn plssss

this was so long and i am so sorry but if you read this far.....leave some of your own reactions or thoughts:)))

k goodnight im gonna, ugh, finally go study ://

[theflannelwizard]

Rating TAWOG Characters Based On How Easily They Could Beat Me In A Fight

Nicole- 100/10. She wouldn’t hurt me if I didn’t give her a reason to, but if I made her mad she would obliterate me and I would thank her for it.

Yuki Yoshida- 120/10. She’s almost as powerful as Nicole but would probably fight me just for the sake of fighting, and she wouldn’t go easy on me.

Tina Rex- 65/10. Tina would decimate me in seconds.

Jamie- 60/10. Not only is Jamie way tougher than me, but I love her too much to really fight back, and she would mock me mercilessly for that.

Ocho- 42/10. Ocho could destroy me, but he probably wouldn’t unless I provoked him.

Richard- 3/10. Richard would refuse to fight me, either out of kindness or laziness, making me the winner by default.

Gumball- 6/10. He could probably defeat me, but I think I would have a chance. It also depends on what’s at stake for him and how hard he’s actually trying.

Darwin- 2/10. I don’t really want to fight Darwin, but I’m pretty sure that if I had to, I would win.

Anais- 7/10. Anais is quick and clever and devious. Also I’m not sure I could bring myself to punch a four-year-old, even if she was beating me in a fight.

Leslie- 7/10. I’m saying this because we are not allowed to have weapons. Give me a pair of scissors and he’s done (sorry Leslie I love u) but in a straight up fist fight? I probably don’t have the core strength or agility to win this one.

Masami- 9/10. Masami probably wouldn’t want to fight me, but if she did, I have no real way to land a hit, and she can electrocute me.

Idaho- 0/10. Sorry, Idaho, but I can literally just catch you and throw you as far as I can. I’m winning this one.

Rocky- 5/10. This one is a toss up based mostly on whether either of us is really even trying.

Penny- 9/10. Penny is a sweet and good girl, but she’s also very temperamental and powerful. If she assumes her dragon form I’m done for.

Tobias- 5/10. Honestly, I would probably let Tobias win because I feel bad for him. That said, he also has the drive to win and be the best that could potentially let him win even if I did fight back. Not for sure, but under the right circumstances.

Hector- 154/10. He would simply step on me, and not in a sexy way.

Banana Joe- 1/10. He’s more vengeful than Idaho, but not much stronger. Also, I could literally eat him if I decided to be ruthless. I wouldn’t, but I could.

Anton- -5/10. Same as Banana Joe and Idaho, but he weighs less and has a history of dying more. Also has water as a weakness.

Alan- NO/10. I will NOT fight Alan. Who the fuck wants to fight Alan. He’s precious. If anything, I will fight FOR Alan.

Felicity Parham- 0/10. It’s not that she’s weak, I just thinking seeing Felicity Parham would fill me with so much rage that I could take her out in one hit.

Billy Parham- 4/10. He has a slightly better chance now that he’s avenging his mother, but he’s too small and posh to be any good in a fight.

Bobert- 130/10. I don’t have a chance against Bobert. My little flesh fists can’t hurt him, but he can very easily hurt me.

Teri- 1/10. If she gave me a papercut I would cry, but I would still win. She’s weak and nervous and made of paper.

Juke- 7/10. Juke could maybe beat me in a fight. I have a chance, but he’s probably got a good reason to be fighting me, and his head is pretty heavy and solid, so if he tried to head butt me I would go down.

Mr. Small- 8/10. He says he won’t fight me, and then he beats me in a fight anyway. I would get a few hits in, but I don’t think I would win.

Larry- 10/10. If I did something bad enough to get Larry to physically fight me, a whole decade of repressed rage would flow out of his body and destroy me.

Carrie- 10/10. I can’t land a punch and neither can she, by virtue of her being a ghost, but she can use magic on me without it technically counting as a weapon, so I’m done for.

Miss Simian- 15/10. If I made her mad she would simply tear one of my arms off and use it to slap me repeatedly.

Sarah- 6/10. I honestly don’t know who would win this one. Probably I would quote Robin from Teen Titans about ten seconds in and we would stop fighting and instead talk about fandom shit. However, if I dissed her OTP she would probably end me, so I’ll give her a point for that.

Rob- 7/10. Like, he could probably beat me, but almost all of his fights with Gumball showed him armed in one way or another, so I’m not sure he’s all that powerful in hand to hand combat.

William- 20/10. William lobs a desk at me and I go down.

Sussie- 4/10. Sussie doesn’t want to fight, but she might slap me a few times. I don’t really want to fight Sussie, either, but it probably wouldn’t be too difficult to just convince her to agree that I won so we can stop fighting.

Principal Brown- 5/10. If I hit him too hard he will just stop and stand there in shock, allowing me to take the win, but if I miss or hold back he could maybe overpower me.

[mychemicalimagines]

You’re My Forever-Jasper Hale-Chapter 9

Summary: After the Battle of the Newborns, Bella reveals she’s getting married to Edward. After the wedding, Alexia’s life has been nothing but up. She gets to be with the love of her life forever. One little thing chances that. Will she actually get her forever…or will it end before it begins?

Warnings: Cussing, Angst, Supernatural, Paranormal, Love, Bella-Bashing, Smut, Blood

Words: 3556

Tag List:  @jayrart @elskinner45 @nocturnalherb16 @buckysforeverprincess @diyunho @negans-womam @deepobservationcherryblossom @fangirl1029 @thelostallycat @dreamslove92 @scarletmeii @thecaptainsgingersnap @jai-lynne-unknown @0-r-1-0-n @stephbass28 @magnificentzombiebasement @arseofrivia @vampiregirl1797 @millie-753 @fandom-imagines1 @aylamlc @celyndavies @geekysimmerthings @krazykatkay456 @marvelofwitch @frozenhuntress67 @sooophie19 @xcharlottemikaelsonx @azure23x @luna-thedarkwolf @treestarrrrrrrr @hi-my-name-is-riley @salsameter @jasperschillvibe @mikariell95 @whattheheckisevengoingon @starcatcher-kay @awesomebooklover17 @strangerthanfanfiction713 @nj01 @vxidnik @oi-itsemily @i-love-you-green @bubblyanis @emma-is-a-nerd @amethyst-atf @thegirlwhowishedeveryonelived @whyisgmora @kawaiikpoplover268 @booksalwaysandforever @fandomsstolemylife00 @rororo06 @jgtfvhsg @unadulteredscreams @justfangirliing @bitchy-witchy-post-mortem @kyky9103 @it-is-rebel-owl-ma-dudes @hiisay @aknerdchick @sana-li​

A/N: i have some news! Chapter 10 is probably gonna be the ending to this series! Oh my god, I never thought it would get this far! I love you guys!! (no it’s not a puppy XD!!!!) Comment some things you wanna see in the last chapter!!

Ask box is always open to ask Jasper and Ally some things about their relationship that you have ALWAYS wondered! 

That night, I’m laying on Charlotte’s bed, reading her a bedtime story. Well it’s not really a bedtime story, but rather it’s a book that’s filled with poems. Edward bought her the book so that she can get into poetry. It’ll give them something in common. He bought it before she got into piano but Charlotte loves it when we read this book to her anyway. This specific poem is called The Lotos-eaters  which is by Alfred-Lord Tennyson.

“There is sweet music that softer falls, than petals from blown roses on the grass.” I read aloud. “Or night-dews on still waters between walls, of shadowy granite, in a gleaming pass. Music that brings sweet sleep down from the blissful skies.”

I glance down at Charlotte who’s laying in my arms. Her eyes are closed and I smile. I gently move her and put the book on the side table after marking the spot we managed to get to tonight.

“Mommy?” Her sweet, precious and oh-so-innocent voice whispers.

“Yes, baby?” I look back down at her.

“Did Aunt Alice and Uncle Kevin run away because we’re gonna die?” She opens her eyes. “Because of me?”

“No, sweetie. I think they left to keep us safer.” I admit. “That’s what all these other people are here for too. I’ll never let anybody hurt you.” 

I kiss her head and cover her up more. She snuggles to her stuffed bunny that Emmett bought for her.

“Go to sleep baby.” I whisper before standing up.

I turn off her lights before walking into the living room. I sigh and pick up the note that Alice left with Sam. Why would they just leave? I sit down on the couch while reading the note over and over. I glance up after a few minutes when I hear quiet footsteps. 

“It’s strange. Physically, I feel like I could demolish a tank...Mentally? I just feel drained.” I look away from Jasper as he sits down next to me.

“How about a bath?” He asks, leaning over to me. 

He starts kissing on my shoulder making me bite my lip softly. He reaches over and unbuttons my shirt...technically his shirt because I stole it from his part of the closet. I giggle slightly.

“I do remember how to undress myself, you know?” I smirk at him.

“Yeah, I just do it so much better.” He kisses my shoulder again. “For you, it’s just another mundane task. For me? It’s fun!”

I giggle slightly before looking back at Alice’s note and sigh. 

“Ally, I’ve had a bad habit of underestimating you.” Jasper admits, looking at the note, keeping his chin on my shoulder. “Every obstacle you’ve faced, I’d think you couldn’t overcome it...and you did. You’re the reason I have something to fight for...My family.”

I look up at him and smile before kissing his lips, softly and yet still passionate enough to express all my love for him that I could never express in words alone. He smiles into the kiss before slowly leaning back, breaking the brief skin to skin contact.

“I’m gonna get the water running.” He stands up and kisses my forehead.

He walks into another part of the house and I stare down at the note. I flip it over to read the name of the book she ripped it from for the fifth time. Raising an eyebrow, I glance over to the bookcase that Jasper made sure to put in the house. The book is in the middle of the second row. I quickly stand up and speed over to it. Taking the book into my hands before taking a deep unneeded breath.

I open it before flipping, page by page until I see a familiar handwriting. Right before the first chapter, there’s another note from Alice. 

‘J. Jenks, Seattle - destroy this.’

I raise an eyebrow once again. Alice made sure only I would get the message. She must have had a vision that I was a shield just like Bella and that my mind would be safe from Aro. I glance up when I hear Jasper’s footsteps again and I quickly throw the book into the fireplace. 

The fire welcomes the book and starts burning it quickly. 

***

The next day, I call and make an appointment with this J. Jenks. I decide to take Charlotte to my dad’s house to decorate the Christmas tree since Christmas is just around the corner. Seth wants to come with since his mom would be there as well as his imprint.

“You said your dad knows about you?” Seth asks, glancing at me from the passenger seat.

I nod. “Yep. He just doesn’t know about you guys. All he does know is that you and your mom know about me and the Cullens. I also don’t want him to come around the house with the 27 vampires. All of them around one human? That wouldn’t be so great. I don’t think that any of them have as good self control as I do.”

He chuckles before nodding. “I’m glad to get away from them. Their eyes kinda scare me. And their smell makes my wolf super mad.” 

I glance over at him with a raised eyebrow.

“I know they’re the good guys but my wolf wants to attack. You’re different. You’re the mother of my imprint. My wolf likes you.” He chuckles again.

I nod in understanding before parking in front of my dad’s house. My dad and Sue walk out of the house just as Charlotte unbuckles her seat and jumps out. 

“There she is!”

I get out at the same time as Seth. My dad catches Charlotte in his arms and swings her around for a second.

“Wow! Look at you! You’ve grown half a foot!” Dad says, wrapping an arm around her. “Seriously! Like six inches!”

She laughs and hugs him. 

“Come on inside. Lunch is on the table.” Sue smiles and waves us toward the door.

“We got a tree to decorate, huh?” Dad smiles widely at Charlotte who nods fast.

“I’ve actually got a few errands to run. I’ll be back soon, okay?” I call out.

My dad looks at me and nods. “Is it a...Family thing?”

I get what he means. Is it a Vampire thing?

“Yep. Don’t worry. I’ll be back in time for the star on the top.” I smile widely.

“You see, Charlie, mommy over there ALWAYS puts the star on top.” Dad tells Charlotte.

“Really?” She giggles. 

“Yep! It’s been her job since she was your age!” Dad kisses her head before waving at me. “Maybe even younger!”

I giggle and wave.

“Love you, guys!” I call out before getting into my car.

I hear them yell it back before I pull away from the house. I drive all the way to Seattle with one thing on my mind. ‘Alice’s note gave me a sense of hope. Maybe she had a plan for us after all and maybe J. Jenks was the key.’  I pull into the restaurant that we agreed to meet at this morning and I park my car. I walk inside at a human speed before being directed to his table.

I see an African American man sitting down with a briefcase in his lap. I stop by the table causing him to look up.

“Miss Swan.” He stands up and puts his hand out.

“Hi.” I smile and shake his hand.

“I am so happy you called.” He admits before we both sit down. “I always meet my private clients here, it’s more….comfortable than the office.”

“And it’s more public.” I nod.

He smiles before nodding. “Yes.”

“So what type of work do you do, J?” I ask, putting my hands in my lap.

“You know, this and that. It’s always different which keeps it interesting.” He reveals.

“Have you known Alice and Kevin long?” I ask.

“I’ve been working with them for more than 20 years. And my late partner knew Kevin 15 years before that. He’s...uh...unusually well preserved.” He whispers.

“Yes, he is.” I nod.

“I trust that Mr. Kevin is enjoying his vacation?” J raises an eyebrow.

“He didn’t tell you where he was going, did he?”

“No, no, no. He just mentioned that he was leaving when he came by to place his order.” J moves his briefcase.

“I assume his order is ready?” I bite my lip.

“Of course. I’ve never been late with a delivery.”

He opens his briefcase and hands me an envelope. I open it up to find forged passports and documentation for Charlotte and Seth. I bite my lip. Only they will be getting away if something happens. Jasper and I might lose our lives in this battle, but at least our child will be safe. That’s what matters to him and I at this point.

“Is there a problem?” J speaks up.

“No, my fiance and I thought we’d all be traveling together.” I lie easily.

“Kevin said only two were traveling. His instructions were very clear.” J says.

“It’s my mistake. Apparently that’s not going to happen.” I sigh.

J and I quickly end our meeting and I drive back to my dad's house. Alice’s vision was clear. Charlotte would have a future but...Jasper and I wouldn’t be a part of it. That night, I watch as Jasper quickly picks up Charlotte who squeals in delight before hugging him close. I smile and bite my lip, trying to get all the memories in now. If something happens...I want to know that we’ve done everything we could for her.

I walk into her room and quickly pack a bag. Packing in some clothes she’d need and money that I'd stashed away for a while, I make sure to get whatever I think might make her happy for her new life...one without her parents in it, if it comes to it. I grab one of her notebooks and write her a note.

‘My beautiful and wonderful Charlotte, I thought we would have forever together. But Forever isn’t as long as I’d hoped. I know now why Alice left me clues...It’s to keep you safe. Everything you and Seth will need is in this bag. Seth will protect you and he’ll help you learn about the Quileute Legends. Know that your father and I love you more than anything in this world. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. Hopefully one day you will be able to have your own children and know exactly what I feel everytime I look at you. 

Love Always and Forever,

Mommy <3’

I jump when I hear a small knock on the door. Alistair is smirking down at me. 

“It’s a romantic notion, isn’t it? That a righteous few can defy a great evil. But I must admit you...uh..even had me believing for a moment. Well, good luck.” He says before walking away. “You’re gonna need it. Cheers.”

I jump out of my seat and grab onto his arm. His head snaps toward me.

“Alistair, it’s a precaution. Alice…” I sigh. “Alice thinks that Charlotte and Seth will be able to get away if the fight does start. I want my child safe. You have to understand that.”

“I do…” He starts.

“Please. Don’t leave.” I whisper. “We need you.”

He sighs and nods. “If a fight starts...I’m out just like your family.”

“I understand that.” I nod. “But please...witness with them as well...”

He nods before I gently remove his arm.

“Thank you.” I whisper again. “I owe you. Anything you need.”

“I’ll hold you to that...forever.” He smirks.

I giggle and nod. “Forever.” 

He quickly speeds out of the room. 

***

Dad has been asking about Bella. I finally had to reveal the truth...like I have done for everything. I told him that Bella was mad that I had gotten pregnant so she left. She wanted Edward to be angry as well but he was excited. He wanted to get to know his niece so Bella left him. 

Dad was upset. Said, ‘How could she do this? It’s not like it’s the end of the world that you got pregnant.’ I told him how she wanted to be a vampire and because I got pregnant it ruined her plans. He just rolled his eyes and shook his head before I put the star on the tree yesterday. But today is Christmas and we’re, of course, spending it with my dad, Sue, and Leah. 

I sit on the arm of the couch watching Charlotte and Seth play a game on the floor. I giggle as Charlotte wins for the 2nd time in a row.

“How are you doing that?” Seth asks, staring at the board.

She giggles. “Uncle Emmett loves this game!”

“Again!” Seth resets the board.

I shake my head and look up when I feel a hand on my back. Jasper smiles down at me.

“Hi, sweetie.” I whisper softly.

He winks before kissing the top of my head.

“The snow is sticking.” I sigh.

“We still have today, baby.” He rubs my back.

I nod just as my dad walks out of the kitchen.

“Alright! Present time! Leah, stop eating. Seth, you start. Get it going.” Dad sits down in his favorite chair.

Seth hands a small package to Charlotte when I stand up.

“Here, dad. We didn’t have time to wrap yours.” I hold out an envelope.

He raises an eyebrow before taking it. He opens it and his eyes widen.

“A five day fishing trip to Fraser River?” He looks at us.

“It's for you and Sue.” I smile widely.

Jasper wraps an arm around my waist. “You leave tomorrow.”

“Wow, that’s really nice. Thank you!” He starts to read the tickets before his head snaps up. “Tomorrow? I can’t...I can’t leave tomorrow.”

“I made arrangements for you at work.” Sue walks in with two cups. 

He nods. “Sneaky and extravagant.”

“And non-refundable, I’m afraid.” Jasper speaks up with a smile. 

“You two trying to get rid of me?” Dad asks, watching us. Jasper and I glance at each other before looking at him again. “‘Cause it’s working.”

Dad laughs and looks back at the tickets. I relax and smile. He doesn’t know about this meeting we’re going to have. He just knows that the Cullens, Jasper, Seth, Leah, Charlotte and I are going on a small vacation so we won’t be home. 

“Fraser River...that means we’ll be chasing cutthroat.” Dad looks up to Sue who sits on the arm of his chair.

“We might even hook a rainbow or some bulls.” She smiles.

“Woman knows her trout.” Dad smiles at me.

I’m happy he found Sue. Someone he’s known his whole life and knows about my… condition and isn’t gonna ask why his granddaughter was looking 6 years old yesterday and now she’s looking like she’s going to be 12 next week. Charlotte stands up and holds up her present from Seth. I kneel down to her level.

“Hey, sweetie. That’s beautiful. Let me see.” I take the bracelet from her hand.

My eyes light up when I realize what it is. It’s a Quileute Promise Bracelet. It’s their version of a promise ring. I glance at Seth with a smile.

“Seth made this for you?” I ask, causing her to nod fast. “Wanna put it on?”

I put it on her wrist before kissing her head. She giggles.

“It’s so pretty.” She looks up at me.

“It is pretty. Just like you.” I poke her nose which makes her giggle. “Don’t forget to thank Seth.”

She turns to him and hugs him around his neck. I look up at Jasper who is smiling down at me. Best Christmas ever. 

***

I finish putting up Charlotte’s tent. We only left my dad’s house a few hours ago and now we’re having a small bonfire before we have the…meeting tomorrow. I make sure she’s covered up before I read her a little more of her poem book. Right before she falls asleep, I give her a locket that Jasper got me for our first Christmas together a long time ago. 

She opens it to reveal the photo of Jasper and I from our first date. The one where we’re dating and I’m laughing at him making fun of the instructor. Next to it the words ‘Plus Que Ma Propre Vie’ are engraved.

I kiss her head before whispering. “This means ‘more than my own life’, and that’s how much your father and I love you. Tomorrow I’m going to need you to stay with Seth, no matter what. Even if I tell him that…” I sigh. “That he has to take you somewhere.”

Charlotte looks up at me with a few tears running down her cheeks. 

“I love you, mommy.” 

“I love you, sweetie. Never ever forget that, okay?” I kiss her head again.

She nods against me. It doesn’t take long for her to fall asleep. I quietly slip out from under her when Seth crawls in. I pat his back and crawl out before standing beside Paul who’s hanging out at our bonfire tonight. He smiles and looks back at his small pile of wood. Benjamin walks over with a smile. He holds up one finger and fire appears. 

I shake my head with a giggle. He holds up three more fingers, fire at all the tips. He then throws the fire at the logs creating our bonfire.

“That’s what I’m talking about. A little pre-battle bonfire, telling war stories.” Paul cheers a little before grabbing my arm, gently.

He pulls me down to the log where he’s now sitting causing me to sit on the edge. I bump my hips into his and he scoots over. Benjamin sits down next to him with a smile. Paul looks up at the rest of our witnesses with a raised eyebrow.

“What are you doing, standing there like a fucking statue?” He scuffs.

I playfully, and gently, smack his leg before pointing toward Charlotte’s tent.

“She’s asleep.” He rolls his eyes before smiling at me.

Garrett speeds over and sits down on a log next to ours. 

“Name any American Battle, I was there.” He smirks.

“Little Big Horn.” Paul immediately says.

“I came this close…” He holds up two fingers. “...to biting Custer but the Indians caught him first.”

Kate speeds over and sits to Garrett.

“Try Oleg’s assault on Constantinople, he didn’t win that one on his own.” She smirks at him.

“If you’re talking about battles, you’re talking about the Eleven Years War. No one does rebellion like the Irish.” Liam speaks up from where his family’s sitting.

“You lost the Eleven Years War.” Garrett points out.

“Aye.” Liam nods. “But it was one hell of a rebellion.”

Everyone laughs and agrees with him. I try to listen to the rest of the battles and war stories but my ears pick up Jasper, Edward and Carlisle’s conversation.

“I can’t help thinking, all these people are putting themselves in danger because we fell in love with humans.” Edward mumbles.

“You guys found your mates. You deserve to be happy.” Carlisle pats his shoulder.

“But at what cost?” Jasper glances at his adoptive, vampire father.

“Everyone here has something to fight for. I certainly do. I have a granddaughter that I never thought I would have. I have a wife...my children. I would fight every day for them if I had too.” Carlisle reveals. 

I feel eyes on the back of my head before someone else speaks.

“I never thanked you for bringing Alice, Kevin and I in. If you never did, I wouldn’t have the life I do now.” Jasper whispers but not low enough.

“Don’t thank me.” Carlisle chuckles. “Thank that wonderful woman you’ve got.”

A few seconds later I feel Jasper speed over to me. I look up just as he kneels and wraps his arms around my neck from behind.

“I love you.” He whispers in my ear.

I put my hands on his forearms and smile widely. “I love you, Mr. Whitlock-Hale.”

He kisses the back of my head before letting me go. I watch him bump into Paul’s back. Paul looks up, briefly, before asking Benjamin to scoot down. He does and Paul scoots down, following him. I scoot down the log as well. Jasper takes his place next to me, gently taking my hand, and weaving our fingers together as looks at everyone. Paul smirks and leans down. 

“Finally found some people older than you, Mr. Steak Sauce.” 

Jasper laughs and nods. “You’re right about that, kid.”

“I’m not a kid!” Paul playfully glares at him.

“Besides Charlotte and Seth, you are literally the youngest!” Jasper laughs.

“Least I’m not hard as a rock.” Paul crosses his arms. 

I snort softly, hiding my face against Jasper’s neck, whispering. “I like it when you’re hard as a rock.”

“At least I’m not hairy.” Jasper retorts, gently squeezing my hand, before whispering, low enough for just me to hear. “I know you do, baby.”

Everyone laughs and Paul grumbles to himself. Garrett smirks before bringing up another battle he was in...but Kate reveals he needed help there as well.

[paceypeternathanslawyer]

Dawson being an insufferable, evil prick in Dawson’s Creek 3x03 (None Of The Above)

1. We open with a scene of Dawson and Eve in his bedroom 

Dawson: First things first. Movie night we're supposed to watch movies.

Eve: I prefer TV.

We have painfully been forced to watch Dawson watch movies and not just any movies... the movies HE wants to watch for the past two seasons. One movie night when someone else chooses what to watch and Dawson can’t imagine that they would do something that he “King Dawson” wouldn’t want to do. He then proceeds to be an insufferable snob and turn up his nose at her choice of TV show and TV shows in general. What else is new?

2. One of the reasons he hates Felicity is because she’s “chatty?” Fuck you Dawson! That toxic viewpoint that a boy who’s chatty, i.e. Dawson, is gregarious and charming, but a girl who’s chatty is a handful who should shunned by any self respecting man.

3. Dawson: You know, which is, in general, my complaint about television. It's not reality, it's perfection. I mean, nobody ever blows it or gets tested in any real way or ever makes the wrong choice or bad choice or...

I see why Dawson doesn’t like TV now.... he’s never seen a TV show. Seriously though, I have never seen a show where the characters are “perfect” and “never make bad or wrong choices” that show literally does not exist. 

4. Dawson brings the PSAT test answers to the whole group and proceeds to dangle it in front of them, even going so far as to encourage them to take advantage of it. He tempts Joey by mentioning how doing well in the PSATs would help her get a scholarship and then later in that episode he gets all mad at Eve for quote un quote tempting him when he himself was doing the same thing to his “friends.” What a fucking hypocrite. But what else is new?

(Little side note. When they have to leave the classroom and leave the PSAT test results on the table.. they come back and we see Dawson looking under the table. That makes me laugh every time. As if the test results just walked off the desk by itself. It either walked off the desk or someone took it. Either way, your not gonna find it under the desk 😂😂 )

5. Eve: It didn't disappear, Dawson. Somebody took it. 

Dawson: How do you know that?

Again... Dawson... you carefully left it lying there in the middle of a table. Of course it was taken, there’s no other option.

6.  Dawson: Whoever stole the test give it back. 

Jen: Well, wasn't it already stolen, Dawson?

Jen makes an amazing point. Dawson expects everyone to follow his idea of morality and follow his every command when he himself touted around a stolen test and tempted everyone with it, insinuating that it should be used. But now when it’s taken from him, suddenly his strong moral code can not allow them to have it.

7.  Dawson: She didn't tell me to do anything with that test. 

Joey: I bet when she offered you that test, you didn't fire one ethical comment her way, did you? It's just your friends who have to sit here and-- and suffer through the Dawson Leery morality play.

Another good point. Any chance Dawson can have to make himself feel morally superior to his “friends.” You know what? He probably brought that test to them in the hopes that someone would steal just so he could psychologically abuse them and make them feel like trash.

8.   Dawson: Here's the deal: I'm gonna leave my locker unlocked. Whoever has the test will put it inside by 5:30 today.

 Pacey: Oh, come on, Dawson. The petty thief among us already left the crime scene. They're not gonna return that thing now. What's the incentive? 

Dawson: To do the right thing.

To do the right thing?!?! So the right thing is to give a test to Dawson and Dawson alone with no idea what he’s gonna do with it? He could use it for his own self alone. How is that morally right? Because Dawson said so? And Dawson is surely the arbiter and decider of everything that is or is not morally right. Technically the right thing to do is for the thief to keep it and then burn it... right Dawson? 

9. Eve makes one comment about how one of his friends probably stole it and Dawson immediately thinks of Pacey. Truly showing what a horrible friend he is and how little he really knows about Pacey. Pacey is not the kind of person who would cheat on a test. He has not written one word on tests, he has even blatantly fallen asleep in class during tests. He just truly does not care enough to cheat and anyone who knows Pacey even the slightest, would know that.

10.  Friends, huh? Friends, you know, that word "friends"... it's an interesting word. It implies that you would actually believe your friend when he's telling you something. 

Dawson: When he tells me the truth. 

I hate that line by Dawson because in it he has shown his hands and put Pacey in a position where, no matter what Pacey says, Dawson’s not gonna believe him. Pacey said himself that he didn’t take it and Dawson says he’ll believe him when he tells the truth. Dawson has made up his mind and nothing Pacey says to defend himself is gonna change that.

Pacey: When he's tell-- ha ha! You want to know what I find so very amusing about this situation? I mean, what i think is so really, really rich about all this is that you yourself were capable of stealing this test. All right, you thought about it. You didn't throw that test away. You didn't give it back to Eve. You brought the test to us!

Dawson: No. I wanted to consult the people I trusted to determine what the best thing was to do. I never thought that anyone would be so weak or so self motivated to actually swipe it. (Trust? Hmmm his idea of trust and mine are two totally different things... but okay then, spew your bullshit if you want Dawson. Also weak and self motivated? Fuck you Dawson! You know nothing about Pacey)

Pacey: Weak and self-motivated, huh? Now, which one of those 2 colorful adjectives would I be? 

Dawson: You are who you are, Pacey.

Pacey: Yes, I am, Dawson. And so are you. You, Dawson Leery, are a self-righteous son of a bitch who cares more about his rose-colored defunct 1950s belief system than the people who fail to live up to it, huh? (👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 You tell him King Pacey)

Dawson: Interesting choice of words, coming from a smug, cold-hearted son of a bitch who just dumped his girlfriend after she begged him-- pleaded for an ounce sympathy! (SMUG?! COLD HEARTED?! Andie cheated on him!! Fuck you Dawson. Isn’t a friend supposed to support his friend? This makes me think the part in S6 where Dawson says that even before the whole Pacey/Joey/Dawson drama that he realized that Pacey hadn’t wanted to be his friend for a long time. Funny because I seem to recall Dawson being a horrible and vile “friend” to Pacey for seasons and seasons before Joey and Pacey began a relationship)

Pacey: At least I didn't send her father to prison. (Number 1, I don’t think this was out of line. I’d like Dawson to explain to me how this factually inaccurate)

Dawson: No. You just made her go crazy. (This is way out of line on so many levels and Dawson wasn’t even drunk. Even if what Pacey said was out of line... number 1, Dawson started it by calling him a smug and cold hearted son of a bitch for being betrayed by his GF. Number 2, what Pacey said was correct. Number 3, Pacey was drunk. Dawson has 0 excuse. What he said here was evil to Pacey and belittling to Andie and her mental health struggles that have nothing to do with Pacey)

11. Dawson: The only thing I can come up with is you, Eve. You happened to me. You and that stupid test. Look, Eve, I accept my blame in this, but don't even try to tell me that you didn't know what giving me that test would do.

No, Dawson, you do not accept your blame. You never accept your blame in anything. It is not Eve’s fault at all. Yeah, she gave you the test but she did not make you do or say anything you said over the course of this episode. That’s on you.