#he is such a bumbly teenager I love him so much he is trying his best ...

[breitzbachbea]

Michele: If you get lost again, I'll let the old hag catch you and sacrifice you to keep the darkness at bay.

Lorenzo: Hasn't happened yet!

Marco: Yeah, besides, we're not getting lost. We're exploring.

Michele: Well, you two can have fun exploring the Cthulu dimension then, I won't come and look for you.

Marco: What's Cthulu?

Lorenzo: Yeah, what's Cthulu?

Michele: ... A story a little too scary for you, boys. Now, if you don't get lost on me all the way home, I'll make gelato from scratch tomorrow with whatever flavour you want.

[marvelwitchergilmore]

Quiet Crushes

Summary: Joel Miller x Fe!Reader ~ You have always been nervous around Joel Miller. Ever since he came to town it's like you're a teenager again with a crush on the hottest guy in school. But, when someone unexpected turns up, it seems that even Joel has found the courage to talk to you.

Disclaimer: I haven't written in a while so there may be some spelling mistakes (I'm gonna blame the lack of sleep). Fluff, angst, idiots in love, speechless around crushes, kissing.

You didn’t know how long it had been since you’d last slept. 12 hours? 24? None of it mattered. All you could focus on was your brother, lay on the bed in your spare room, breathing up and down, freshly cleaned and slowly healing physically. 

Joel was downstairs in the kitchen cooking something. 

You’d heard the pans clatter every couple of minutes until you heard the mugs and the plates. But you couldn’t concentrate on that. Your gaze and mind remained focused on your brother’s chest, watching it rise and fall; fearful that if you looked away, even if just for a second, he would stop and he’d be gone from you and this world permanently. 

You’d not seen him in almost four years and in that time you’d somehow convinced yourself he’d died. That a clicker or worse had got to him and killed him. He’d been dead to you for just over three years. But despite this, part of you still held hope. 

That was the only part of you that was happy. 

It was proved right. Your brother was alive…to an extent. 

Lord knows what he saw and what he went through to find you. You didn’t even want to imagine. Your mind had been so focused on getting him cleaned up, you couldn’t bring yourself to step over the line and ask the questions about his scars. 

He’d tell you in his own time, you hoped. 

The moment you saw him walk through the doors of Jackson…you felt your heart both drop and soar at the same time. He was like a drowned-rat in the rain. Both of you were by the time you left Joel’s side from the covered porch of the Tipsy Bison to run out to the muddied path in the rain and embrace your brother. 

The mud on your jeans proved to you that you’d been there to hold him in the mud when you both collapsed from the sheer impact of the hug. 

You vaguely remembered Joel telling you to get a shower…but you couldn’t remember how long ago that was. The moment they carried your brother into his room, you hadn’t so much as left his side, let alone the room. 

You patched up his wounds whilst he slept and woke him part way through so he’d finally eat something and get his strength up. 

It was only as you sat alone in the silence of your sleeping brother that you let your mind go back to the moments just before he’d come through the gates. 

You’d been talking to Joel or, at least, trying. 

Ever since Joel arrived in Jackson, your crush on him had been a burden to bear.

You never liked having crushes; they either lead to embarrassment or pain. Neither sounded appealing. 

And, so, for the first eight months, any conversation you had with him never extended past three words a day, if that. You’d remain quiet and get your work done. 

It was only after these eight months that Tommy came to you, asking you to actually try and talk to Joel. You were only one of the few that didn’t. Whilst the others seemed to have something against Joel, Tommy seemed to be blind to the fact that you actually had something for Joel. 

But Maria wasn’t. 

She saw it instantly. 

The way the blood rushed to your face. The way your breathing became unsteady and you couldn’t seem to form a single sentence in his presence. 

You liked Joel…a lot. 

As did many other women in Jackson. 

And men.

But still, no matter how hard you tried, you were just a bumbling mess around Joel. 

After Tommy’s talk, you’d been fixing a lightbulb in the Tipsy Byson when the bulb shone too bright, shocking you and causing the ladder to rattle beneath you. 

However, it stopped falling when Joel caught it, and you. 

His hands were on your waist. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yes.” you eventually managed to answer as you climbed down. 

You could only be thankful that your back was to Joel but the instant you turned around, you were met with his gaze and any human function you had in your body seemed to instantly disappear. After a couple of attempts, you managed to make your “Thank you,” loud enough for the human ear to hear before running off. 

It seemed to only get worse after that. 

And already being aware that you were a blushing mess when you even thought about him only added to that. Feeling the heat of your cheeks, and being all too aware of it when faced with Joel Miller only increased your embarrassment. 

There were some moments where you thought he was flirting with you but your conscience quickly brushed that aside. After all, why would Joel Miller be interested in you when most of Jackson was after him?

And that evening, everything felt like it was coming to a head. You were so sure Joel knew about your feelings towards him, despite the fact you wanted to forget about them. Why else would he ask you to go outside with him? You figured he’d let you down gently at least. Tell you he wasn’t interested but he’d be sure you were a lovely woman.

Instead, he’d stepped closer to you. 

If it had been anyone else, maybe you would have backed away. But not with Joel. 

He wasn’t threatening to you in his gaze or his touch but rather gentle, soft and kind. Despite all what you had heard about him, you’d never seen him be anything but kind and caring to those around him. A vastly different version that Tommy had been expecting, that’s for sure. 

You couldn’t even remember what Joel had said to you. 

One minute your mind was growing dizzy with the simple thought of him. The next, you’d flicked your eyes away for a moment only to see a lad run at full speed past the bar and towards the gates. 

Both you and Joel’s gaze followed the lad and when you saw your brother…Joel saw the change in you. 

Most times, you were flustered. Running here, there and everywhere. Hell, you rarely seemed to have time to have a conversation with him before you were dashing off to somewhere else. 

Since he started working with Tommy again, he wanted to know more about you. 

You seemed to keep to yourself, mostly. Tommy said you were trustworthy and the one to go to whenever or if ever he had a problem whether that be with a light fixture, plumbing, cooking or even just with life. 

That day you’d nearly fallen from the ladder, he’d hoped to have a drink with you - talk to you. Get to know you. 

He’d tried for weeks after that, but again, always flustered. Part of him figured that perhaps, maybe, you felt the same way about him as he did about you. 

So, that night at the Tipsy Byson, he was hoping to ask you. 

But then you looked away and suddenly everything about you became…cool. 

You were no longer a “flustered mess” as he’d heard someone call you in the bar one night. You no longer had that light dusting blush across your cheeks that seemed to brighten every time he got closer which made his stomach summersault. 

No, instead, you became more reserved. 

You stood straight and had your arms folded. Your eyes narrowed to look at the face of the weakened man in the middle of the two brother’s helping carry him inside the walls of Jackson. 

Joel had called your name and asked you a question but he knew none of it had registered. But you had managed to answer his next question without him having to ask it. 

“That’s my brother.”

Without a second thought or care to the rain, you left the shelter of the porch and walked out and once you were close enough, you called your brother’s name and Joel watched you run to your brother, and him run to you. 

He watched the pair of you reunite before dropping to the mud beneath you both. You pulled back for a second to look your brother over before pulling him close again and holding the back of his head. 

Joel had told you to go for a shower when your brother got settled but since he didn’t hear the shower turn on, he decided to cook. You hadn’t eaten since before you got to the bar and, despite your brother needing nourishment, you’d be in need of it, too. 

“Hey,”

You turned to look at Joel who was standing in the doorway. 

“Hey.”

“Here. I made you some stew.”

“Oh, thank you.”

“There’s more in the pot in the kitchen but, I’ve got to go and get Ellie. I’ll be back later, though.”

“Thank you, Joel. But, honestly, you don’t have to.”

“If I don’t, I have a feeling you’ll sit here all day and watch him and forget to look after yourself.”

“Joel-”

“I’ll be back. I promise.”

As Joel gave you a warm smile and left you with a bowl of fresh stew, you heard your brother’s voice. 

“Well, he’s nice. When’s the wedding?”

You put down the stew and rushed to his side. “You’re awake.”

“And you’re in love.”

“Randy.”

“Y/n.”

“He’s just a friend.”

“Well, I don’t know what you’ve been doing for the last four years, but that is definitely not the look of friendship and don’t give me any of that bullshit about how he doesn’t like you. He’s in love with you.”

“Now who’s the one with the bullshit.”

“Hey, don’t forget, I have the luxury of the male perspective. He’s in love with you, kid.”

“Did you get a concussion on your way here?”

“Maybe a few. But I’m still right. And so is he. You need to eat. And stop watching me sleep. It’s both weird and creepy. It’s like when you were six and would sleep walk into my room and watch me sleep.”

“I did not do that.”

“You totally did. Do you not remember mom had to start locking my door at night so you couldn’t get in?”

“Oh, yeah.” you smiled at the weird memory.

“Go on, eat. And then go and get me a bowl. It smells good.”

“Taste’s good, too.” you said, trying not to burn your mouth on a hot piece of carrot. 

God, if that man didn’t make you fall from his looks and charm alone, his cooking tipped you over the edge. 

Hours passed and eventually Joel came back only to find you sat outside in the back garden. The window to your brother’s bedroom was open so you’d be able to hear him call if he needed you though you doubted it since he was a heavy sleeper and he would sleep all day and night if he could. 

“Hey, what are you doing out here?”

“Wanted to watch the rain fall.”

“Mind if I join you?”

You shook your head and smiled, “Not at all.”

Joel sat just close enough to you for you to feel his body heat as he covered his lap with a spare blanket you had on the bench. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I could sleep for a year.”

Joel mirrored your smile as you laughed and set your book down. “I just…for the longest time I thought he was gone. I’d made myself believe it and then suddenly he’s back and he’s alive and he’s…he’s here.”

“You look really happy.”

“I am really happy. How’s Ellie?”

“She’s good. She’s having a sleepover tonight with a couple friends she met at school. I’m just hoping she won’t be a bad influence on them.”

“I’m sure she won’t.” you assured him. “Besides, it might not hurt for those kids to learn a couple swear words here and there.”

“God, you sound just like her.”

“Oh, come on, Joel. You can’t tell me you weren’t swearing like a sailor when you were her age.”

“Growing up is a tough gig.”

“Amen to that. Why not be able to swear your way through the rough periods?”

Joel simply smiled at you and you smiled back before turning to watch the rain pour its way down and land on the country garden you’d managed to plant for yourself. 

What you didn’t notice, at first at least, was Joel’s gaze fixing itself on your side profile. He looked at you with such wonder and kindness and love, Randy - who watched from his bedroom window - wanted to throw a rock at you just so you might, in fact, look in Joel’s direction and see that your brother was right in saying that Joel was completely head-over-heels in love with you. 

And probably had been for the longest time. 

Though, rather than interfere and have you poison his stew with some random plant you’d been growing in your garden, probably plotting his death, he quietly closed his window and left you and Joel to it. 

But not before wishing upon the highest star he could see. 

“Please. Please, please, please, for the love of God, let these two idiots be together. I don’t know how much more of the lovey-dovey eyes I can take. And I’ve only been here for 24 hours. Thank you. Amen…and all that.”

You both sat for a while, in a quiet solitude. 

It was quaint. 

It was also the first time you’d held an audience with the man and not freaked out, tripped over your words or even blushed so hard you thought your blood vessels might, in fact, break or burst at any moment. 

“You know, when we were kids, we’d spend hours outside. He’d always be playing football and I’d be with my dad in the garden.”

“Was he the one that taught you about plants?”

You nodded with a soft smile graced on your lips. “Yeah. He was a Horticultural and Agricultural Professor. He knew everything that could ever be known about plants and what they helped with, also what they hindered with.”

“And your mom?”

“She worked in Business Management.” you said. “Randy took after her more. Was closer to her, too. I mean, we were all close. And I was close to my mom, but…you know that connection a child has with their parents. One is stronger than the other? When they’re ill or they get hurt, it’s the parent they go to?”

Joel nodded. 

“For him, that was my mom. For me, it was my dad. Randy spent more time at her office - mostly because he had a crush on her co-worker Annie. Meanwhile, I’d go to Dad’s lectures and tell Mom all about them and she and Randy would sit and listen for hours. I loved it.”

“So, is that what you did? Before the world went to shit and all?”

“The world has always been shit, but, yes. Though, I studied Biology instead. It gave me more places to find a job. And, for about two years I taught High School Science. I loved it but I always needed something else to keep me busy so I’d go to the library and pick out books and I taught myself to be my own mechanic. It was cheaper and easier than dealing with those who would ask if my husband would be coming with me to drop off my car and when my ‘husband’ didn’t turn up, would hit on me to the point where I once threatened to break their nose.”

“And did you? Break it, I mean?”

“Joel Miller. I only threatened to break his nose. I broke his wrist, instead.”

Joel smiled for a moment. “Did he not press charges?”

“Nope. Luckily his sister had just come round the corner and she was some fancy lawyer in New York. She threatened to break his other and then we went out to lunch. Turned out he had a history of broken bones.”

Joel laughed and you found yourself laughing, too. 

It felt freeing. 

“What about you? Tommy told me you had your own business.”

“Yeah, I, uh, I was a contractor in Texas.”

From there, you and Joel spent over two hours talking about the past and your lives before the Outbreak. Everything; from your childhood to his, you work and eventually, children. 

Joel hadn’t meant to bring Sarah up. Hell, he didn’t even talk about her with Tommy, or Tess for that matter. Sure, there was some mention of her here and there, but he’d never told anyone of her as a baby or of the silly things she used to do as a kid that would make him laugh and smile. 

“She sounds wonderful.” you smiled. 

Joel’s smile, although still with him, faded a little as he looked to his hands, rubbing his fingers against each other. 

“Yeah, she was.”

“It sounds like she would have liked Ellie, too.”

Part of Joel returned at the mention of Ellie from you. “Oh, completely. They’re not similar - I mean, Sarah was more…girly? But they’re also not unsimilar. She would have loved her.”

Neither you or Joel fully knew which daughter he meant when he said that; She would have loved her. Ellie? Ellie would have loved her. Sarah? Sarah would have loved her. Both? They would have loved each other. 

However, just as you both sat, looking at each other with sad yet content smiles, a light began to flicker on the porch and with a sigh, you got up. 

“This damn thing. I just changed the bulb yesterday.”

Within moments, you had your ladder and tool box out as well as a new bulb. 

“Are you sure you don’t need any help?”

“Nope. I’ve got it.”

“Okay, but, be careful. It’s still a little slippy out here.”

Joel spoke the truth. Despite being the spot where they sat being completely dry, the other half of the porch was still somehow sprayed with water. 

Whilst you got to work trying to take the cover from the light, hammering the screwdriver end in with your hand until you heard the pop!, Joel had his foot on the bottom step of the ladder, watching you from below. 

Yet, somehow, you still managed to slip once you, after a very rare struggle, managed to get the cover from the bulb off. 

Maybe it was some twist of fate, but somehow you ended up in Joel’s arms. 

At first, your back remained to him. 

“You okay, Darlin’?”

For the first time since being sat with him, you found yourself speechless again. Flustered. 

“Oh, I, uh…mm-hmm.”

“You sure?”

Turning your head, you found Joel inches from you. Your bodies were pressed so tight, you’d be surprised if even a shadow could fit between you both. 

“Yes.”

Joel swallowed thickly as his gaze flicked from your eyes to your lips and back again. You could feel his warm palm spreading across your hip, his strong forearm flush against the bottom of your back, pulling you just that little bit closer to him. And when he spoke, you found your breath caught in your throat. 

“Can I kiss you?”

Your brain felt both electric and fried at the same time. Maybe you were just hallucinating; imagining he wanted to kiss you. 

But then his other hand came up and brushed the stray hairs from your face, tucking them behind your ear. 

“Because I’d really like to, Darlin’. But I won’t unless I have your permission.”

If that wasn’t enough to make a girl melt on the spot. 

At first, all you could do was nod. 

“I need words, Darlin’.”

Good, Lord!

Swallowing thickly, you forced your voice from your throat. “Y-Yes.”

“You don’t sound too sure.” Joel hesitated. 

“Yes, Joel. You can kiss me.”

Your voice, although still quiet, was more assertive that time. 

“Are you-”

“Just shut up and kiss me, Miller.”

You saw a split second of Joel’s smile grace his face before he pulled you closer to him and kissed your lips. 

And it. Was. Electric. 

Your hand came to his collar, pulling him closer to you although you both figured that was impossible by now. 

His thumb brushed the side of your temple before he pushed his hand through your hair and drank you in once more. Meanwhile, the arm that held you securely around your back, tensed. His hand came into a fist and it scrunched the corner of your jumper and t-shirt with it. 

You moved your hand to his neck, pulling him closer still until finally you both had to stop in order to catch your breath. 

Joel’s hand relaxed for a moment before you felt his palm touch your skin beneath your clothes. 

“Sorry,” he apologised after a moment, his voice husky. “Got carried away.”

You smiled and shook your head against his. “Don’t be.”

“Mind if I do it again?”

“Not at all.”

[rustic-space-fiddle]

Why do you want to fight BEN from treasure planet?

Oh boy. LEMME JUST RANT A LIL’—

He’s just rather… abrasive? Granted, Ben in the original Treasure Island was also loud and obnoxious, but I think the difference between them is the tone they both brought to their respective stories. Ben from Treasure Island was funny in that he said outlandish phrases and kept trying to touch people (which I admit I LOVE that they kept about B.E.N.), but his character wasn’t ever explicitly used for comic relief. He was more tragic that comedic, even to the very end of his story. Jim at the end of the book tells that he spent all his money at once and was homeless again in just a few weeks. It’s funny-ish, because you’d think he’d be a bit smarter with his money after being marooned for 3 years, but mostly it’s tragic because he’s still wandering and poor with no one, even though all that treasure was rightfully his.

B.E.N. on the other hand is blatantly used for comic relief, which I really don’t think was necessary. It’s not like the story was exceptionally dark up till then. Captain Amelia’s dry wit, Doppler’s bumbling earnestness, Jim’s teenage sass, Silver’s crude pirate-y commentary, and even Morphy are all plenty of fun! They seamlessly inject comedy into the story without taking you out of it. But when B.E.N. is funny, it’s just “WOOO HE’S CRAAAAAAZYYYYYY” comedy. Granted, a lot of his one-liners are really funny! I quote him often, even though I don’t care for him very much. Nevertheless, some lines just feel out of place in the story, and he acts so much like a person that you wonder why he’s even a robot (he’s robot to explain why he’s still around after 100 years [yes, I get that he’s programmed extremely well. But still!]). For example: “WAS I EVER DANCING WITH A DROID NAMED LUPÉ?!” just SCREAMED out in the middle of the moment when it feels like our heroes are losing. Silver has gone full dark side, showing no mercy; Doppler and Amelia are tied up, apparently hopeless, and Jim is being used as a human GPS, being lead for all the world like a dancing bear (geddit?). If B.E.N. was gonna shout something, it didn’t have to be so uselessly funny. Just him shouting would be inappropriate enough in that moment. But nope, because he’s voiced by Martin Short, Mr. Comedy Man, B.E.N. has to be 80% idiot, 20% accidentally useful. The more accidentally useful a character is, the closer to Jar Jar Binks they are. And I cannot stand Jar Jar Binks.

OPPOSITION: He’s just that stupid because his brain is gone! He’s smart at the end of the movie! — Yes… but he’s still obnoxious. He’s a little better, but talks just a little too long. His “I know you don’t like hugging, but get ready cuz I’m gonna hug ya—“ THAT was actually humorous and kinda sweet. Then when Jim hugs him back, it’s wholesome! But then they have B.E.N. go on to cry (badly) and ask for a tissue—AS JIM IS REALIZING SILVER IS LEAVING. Maybe I’m an idiot, but I thought that exchange was funny and wholesome and I wish B.E.N. had been reeled back a bit in his surprised reaction to getting a hug back. His surprise is warranted, but dang.

That’s all just a very long way of saying that I wish he’d been played a little quieter (still loud, but quieter), and that he’d been more purposefully helpful. Ben from Treasure Island was like a geode. He was crusty on the outside, but showed himself to be actually quite clever (though not financially savvy) and basically secured the treasure all by himself. He just needed a ship and a crew. B.E.N. from Treasure Planet was like a Wish.com quartz crystal. A rather useless fellow dressed up in a shiny comedy crust. “I have to pee!” (A thing robots can’t even do?) —BOOM! Hiding place! “I like this fresh air door I have!” —BOOM! Gateway to the center of the planet. The only time I really like that dynamic is when he’s lamenting that he can’t remember something super important (the booby traps), and then immediately after Jim reinstalls his brain, he’s like “HOLY FRICK THE BOOBY TRAPS—“.

Again, this is all just my opinion! I don’t fully hate him, and he is funny, but I think they over exaggerated him in an attempt to appeal to kids and they just didn’t need to do that! If they’d dialed him back just a tad, I think it would’ve made that last part of the movie feel less like a tonal rollercoaster. What do y’all think?

[seasonsbloom]

Congratulations on the 500 followers, you absolutely deserve it! 🎉 And there’s no pressure but could I request Jake x reader and first time, like maybe it’s in the bad habit universe and its the readers first time giving Jake a BJ ❤️

♡ pairing ; boyfriend ! hangman x female!reader

♡ wc ; 4.6k

♡ warnings ; 18+ only, minors do NOT interact; explicit language, explicit sexual content (oral (m receiving), mentions of oral f receiving, tiny bit of a dom/sub dynamic if you squint, spit, finger sucking, dirty talk, idk it's half past 4am i can't think) like one mention of vomit ?

♡ note ; bad habit universe, but can be read separately. this was the hardest thing i've ever written goodbye. thank you sol for saving my life time and again, this truly wouldn't have happened without you.

It’s his birthday, and Penny volunteered the Hard Deck as a party venue. Drinks are flowing freely, oldies are playing from the Juke Box, and Jake is drifting through it all with his usual cocky grin and an almost uncharacteristic tint of melancholy about the eyes.

You’ve been hanging back mostly, nursing a single Mojito, successfully riding the razor edge of intoxication—just a little bit of liquid courage instead of full-blown inebriation. Things go fuzzy around the edges, your chest feels warm, and everything’s a little lighter.

But the buzz of the nerves in your stomach doesn’t subside. Like a hummingbird got trapped in there.

At some point after midnight, you can’t take it anymore. You push your way through the crowd until you can slot yourself beneath his arm, press your front into his side like you’re trying to climb between his ribs.

Jake smiles at you, your own private smile, the one that belongs only to you, and your heart goes soaring in answer.

“There you are,” he says. The night has made him softer, makes him ignore the raised eyebrows from Coyote and Payback as he traces a kiss to your temple, makes him focus on nothing but you. “I’ve been looking for you.”

You can’t help it - you smile back, giddy and weightless.

“Do you want your present?”

He raises an eyebrow and reminds you, “You already gave me one, honey.”

You did hand him a wrapped present with birthday pancakes earlier this morning. A new pair of aviators because he broke his last ones and a framed picture of the two of you that Phoenix took at a bonfire just a week or so after you’d started dating. But that’s not what you’re talking about right now. That’s not what’s making your insides feel like a butterfly sanctuary.

So you shake your head. 

“Another one. Different one.”

Something about the tone of your voice must make him take the hint. He blinks at you.

“Should we get out of here, then?” he asks, leaving the ball in your court.

You nod. “Take me home, Seresin.”

+

By the time you reach Jake’s bedroom, the liquid courage has turned to vapor. It’s quiet in the room, the kind of silence that echoes after the noise of the Hard Deck, of your friends’ voices, of the roaring of the car engine. You leave all the lights off except for the gentle orange glow of the lamp on the bedside table, hoping it’ll somehow help calm you down.

It doesn’t.

You bumble through a series of awkward motions, strip off your jacket, slip out of your shoes, take off your necklace and let it clink down on the top of the dresser. Jake, who’s only toed off his shoes, watches you through all of it, arms folded in front of his chest, an unreadable grin on his face.

Finally, you turn to face him, put both hands on his chest - and he’s so warm and his muscles so hard, and it hits you every time, like you’re a teenager, like you’re indulging in high-school fantasies, and it’s so dumb, but, god, if you don’t love it - and push him down onto the edge of the bed.

Jake goes willingly, and then he blinks up at you, not saying anything. Part of you had hoped for him to take the lead, but he’s making you work for it tonight. You hate it when he does that. It’s so much easier to follow his cues, feels natural to say yes, Jake, to let him bend you and shift you and move you wherever he wants you. Submitting to Jake is as easy as breathing because you know he’ll always catch you.

But with the way he’s grinning at you, you know he won’t help you out. Not right now.

You swallow around the lump clogging up your throat.

“Take off your pants,” you say, trying for a command that trails upward at its tail-end until it sounds like a question instead.

Jake chuckles but obliges you, opens the buckle of his belt, pops the button on the jeans and slides them down his legs, kicks them to his side.

You stare at his legs for a moment, at the soft flume of blond hairs dusting the shins, the golden skin, the scar on his knee from when he cracked it open trying to learn how to skateboard the summer he turned sixteen. Sucking your lower lip between your teeth, yearning pulling at the muscles of your belly, you take a step closer.

“Your shirt too,” you say, and then, because you can’t help yourself, because it’s stronger than you, you add, “please.”

Jake’s lips purse like he’s trying to hold back words. Again, he listens. Slides the pale blue button-down over his head instead of unbuttoning it. It upsets some of his hair, a few strands sticking up, but he smooths them back into place easily.

It’s always like this - looking at Jake, the planes of his chest, the abs, the collarbones like marble arches protruding from his shoulders, there comes a moment when all you feel is the need to touch him. And then you always realize, belatedly, distantly, that you can. Because he’s yours.

The thought sends a thrill through you, a shudder that starts at your scalp and ends at the tips of your toes. Taking another step forward, right into the cradle of his thighs, you rest your palms on his shoulders.

Jake sighs, something like content to the sound. 

You lick your lips, looking at him, feeling suddenly almost inadequate.

Jake, like always, picks up on it almost immediately.

“What you planning, sweetheart?” he asks. It sounds like you got yourself in this mess, now get yourself out of it too.

And you’d thought about this. Laid out the words like planning outfits for the first day of school, shoes and pants and shirt. Racked your brains on how to make it sexy and good and something he’d want instead of bumbling and awkward and embarrassing.

But now your head is wholly and decidedly empty, here in the face of him and all this want like shifting heat in your bones.

“I’m…” You pause, exhale, bite down on air as you wrestle with yourself, as you search within you for another burst of courage like you had in the bar. “I’m going to suck your cock.”

Where they’re resting on his thighs, Jake’s hands clench into fists. He tenses all over for a moment, every muscle taut, shoulders lifting, elbows jutting out, and then he moans. Actually moans.

You blink.

He’s pulling you against him before you know what’s happening, mouth finding yours with perfect precision. Then his tongue slides between your teeth and his hand is in your hair, and if you’d had a single thought left before, it’d be melting away now under the firm pressure of his lips on yours.

When Jake pulls away, your knees are weak, and his eyes are glazed over.

“You gonna suck my cock?” he asks, and his voice is dark.

You whimper, nod, look away, press your legs together.

Jake hooks a finger beneath your chin, turns your head so your eyes meet his. So you can’t look anywhere but at him. “You’re gonna get on your knees like a good girl and take my cock in that pretty mouth?”

You’re going to black out. You’re pretty sure of it.

“It’s your birthday,” you whisper, like that’s any kind of answer, like you aren’t so wet at the thought of his cock down your throat you’re soaking through your panties.

Jake watches you for another moment, eyes searching, and then he abruptly lets go of you. Leans back on his palms planted firmly on the mattress and spreads his legs a little further.

“Get on your knees then.”

You obey without thinking about it. In your chest, the nerves flutter their feathery wings, but you resolve to ignore them. The hardwood floors press awkwardly against your knees in a way you know will hurt later, but you keep your eyes level with the planes of Jake’s abdomen.

And then you don’t know how to proceed. Stay there, hands twisted into a knot in your lap, biting your lip.

Above you, you hear Jake exhale a shuddering breath.

“Have you done this before, honey?”

His voice is gentler than before, less demanding.

You shrug, think back to your high school boyfriend, to the abysmal experience of it all.

“Once,” you admit, and then don’t offer up any more information. You don’t really want to think about it.

Jake hums. His fingers card a strand of hair behind your ear, thumb coming out to stroke over your lower lip. Immediately, instinctively, you open your mouth, and Jake groans as he sinks the digit between your lips.

“You didn’t like it?” he asks, voice breathy. His finger presses down on your tongue, saliva gathering around it, and you’re pretty sure your eyes roll back in your head.

Then he withdraws it suddenly, and you feel the loss like an ache, sudden, stabbing, as he ghosts his finger across the column of your throat, smears a trail of your own spit onto your skin. It should be disgusting, but somehow, the thought of it, the draft from the open window caressing against the wet path of it, has you shuddering instead.

Jake repeats his question, nudges you gently.

“Oh.” You think about it for a second. “Not really. But he… I don’t think he liked it either.”

Jake cocks an eyebrow.

You shrug, look away from him. 

“I don’t think… I don’t think I’m very good at it.”

And Jake laughs. The sound is loud and sudden, and it punches you in the chest. You all but recoil, drawing back into yourself, the shock of it sudden and horrible, and you can’t believe he’s laughing at you when you’re being open and vulnerable and…

Jake catches you by the shoulders, pulls you towards him - your knees go skating over the wood, and that’ll leave burn marks tomorrow, but right now, you can’t bring yourself to care, not when he bends in half to kiss you again, to take your hand and drag it to his crotch where he’s harder than he’s ever been, precum wetting the fabric of his boxers.

“Sweetheart,” he whispers against your lips, drawing back to nudge your nose with his in a gesture that seems almost too tender for the heat of the moment, “no way. There’s no way.”

It’s easier to ignore in his arms, with him so close, but the fear is still there. While you were just thinking about it, just imagining it, it was so easy to pretend you were confident, to feel some kind of misplaced bravado about it all. But now? You feel smaller than ever.

“I just…” You draw back a little, can’t explain why your voice is watery, why you feel so close to tears. “I just want it to be good, Jake. I just want to be good for you.”

Jake makes a noise like you’ve slapped him across the face.

“Always,” he mumbles, kissing you again, gentler this time, trails another one across your cheekbone, your nose, “you’re always good for me, honey.”

And then, without warning, he draws away, almost has you falling face-first against his stomach. With you kneeling, he’s a looming, hulking shadow above you.

“Need me to teach you, sweetheart?”

It’s just like Jake - wrapping the kindness of it all up in something that sounds lewd and almost condescending. But you know him well enough by now to recognize it for what it is: an offer to let you choose how you want to do this. Do you want him to guide you, or do you want to continue what you had planned, try to take the reins over for a while?

“It’s fine. It’s your birthday.” You push your hair back without looking at him. “Just… tell me if I do something wrong?”

He clicks his tongue, sighs, then leans back on his elbows, back almost flat against the mattress. Gestures towards his crotch with a sweeping wave.

“Have at it, then, sweetheart.”

“Alright,” you whisper and think that maybe you were wrong. Maybe it’s not fear coursing through you. You’re not really scared with Jake, not of anything. Just nervous, a little anxious, but most of all eager - to do good, to make him feel good.

So you slide your hands beneath the elastic of his boxers, grateful when he lifts his hips to help you slide them off. Slowly, you reach for his cock, telling yourself you’ve done this part before, have had him spilling into your palm just a day ago, and really how different can all of this be? It’s just spit and friction and a bit of pressure. Men are so much easier.

A muscle in Jake’s abdomen jumps. You take a deep, steadying breath and lean close enough that you can smell him - sweat and aftershave and his shower gel, too - and then, heart beating a hundred miles a minute, you lick a single, long stripe along the underside. It elicits a shudder from Jake, and you think, okay, great, that’s not bad, he’s not running screaming yet... 

Tentatively, you take the tip into your mouth, suck softly, and Jake lets out a low groan.

“Shit… you’re doing great, sweetheart,” he says somewhere above you. “Just… go at your own pa-”

You slide your mouth further down his cock, far enough that you can feel the weight of him towards the back of your tongue (HUH????), that you can really taste him, and then, just to check, just to see that he hasn’t checked out yet, bored, occupied with something else, ready to move onto something where he’s in control and doesn’t have to content himself with your awkward explorations, you look up at him. Your eyes meet. Jake’s pupils are blown wide, cheeks flushed, mouth open wide. By his hips, his fingers clench into the fabric of the sheets.

The reaction surprises you, and you can feel the frown starting to form between your eyebrows, but it’s good, too, a reassurance that makes you feel somewhat more grounded. Carefully, you start bobbing your head up and down, just an inch or two at a time. 

All the articles you’ve read trying to prepare for this night flash through your mind at lightning speed, a supercut of everything that had made your cheeks warm and your thighs clench. You remember baby pink font on cream background saying, The wetter, the better! and try to draw as much spit onto your tongue as possible, even with how dry your mouth feels.

Almost like an afterthought, you wrap your hand around the parts of him you can’t reach with your mouth, stomach swooping when you feel how slick he is with pre-cum and what you suppose to be your own drool. Half embarrassment, half desire. You pump your fist up and down, applying pressure the way Jake showed you the first time you got him off like that. Fingers always wrapped a little tighter than you would have thought.

“Jesus,” he whispers, voice quieter now, breaths uneven.

It fuels something in you. All of this is somehow much more difficult than you thought it would be because there’s so much to do at the same time, it’s hard to keep up: Tongue sweeping slow and steady circles around the tip of his cock, fisting at him in a rhythm you hope is at least similar, and all the while you have to remind yourself to keep breathing through your nose. It’s sort of like trying to rub your belly and pat your head at the same time.

But it’s good, too. Nice. You like the taste of him - a little salty - and the feeling of him inside you. You like how hard he is and how he makes these little noises when you move your tongue just so, something breathy and shallow and involuntary. It makes your heart beat faster, something giddy and soft and light floating through your chest.

I did this, you think, and it’s enough to have your head spinning. I am doing this.

And then you just need to know, need to hear him say it, need him to ground you the way only Jake can before something happens, and you end up in your own head again, overthinking, looping, spiraling…

So you pull off, cock releasing from your lips with a soft pop, taking a deep breath.

“Is it…” You trail off, look up at him, feel your cheeks and chest and ears warm. “Am I doing good?”

For a moment, Jake doesn’t answer. He just looks at you with that same far-off expression from earlier on his face, and then suddenly he groans, throws his head back, focuses on the ceiling, and says, “... Fuck.”

You don’t know what exactly that means, but it doesn’t sound bad or like he’ll ask you to stop anytime soon. At least, you’re really hoping he won’t. Because you’re actually, to your own surprise, starting to enjoy this, and you’d like to finish it. Him. Whatever.

Jake sits up then, looks down at you, smooths a hand across the top of your head.

“You, sweetheart,” he says, “are doing phenomenal.”

“Yeah?” you ask, can’t keep the smile at bay. The relief tingles in your bones. 

“Yeah.” Jake’s thumb traces along the line of your jaw. “Prettiest girl I’ve ever seen with my cock in your mouth.”

You moan a little at that, insides clenching, and then you’re leaning in, eager now, suddenly impatient to get him back into you.

This time, you take him a little deeper, still scared to go far enough he’d reach your throat (some part of you is almost scared you’ll end up throwing up all over his dick and ruining the moment) but becoming a little more adventurous with it. Thinking less, feeling more. Like the way his cock twitches almost imperceptibly when you kitten-lick at the tip on an upward stroke or the way there’s a stutter in his breath every time you squeeze your fist.

For better leverage, you place your free hand on his thigh, lean closer, and suddenly your hair is in your face, getting tangled in your eyelashes, and you can’t see, and…

Jake’s fingers are on your scalp, pulling the strands away and holding them at the back of your scalp in a makeshift ponytail.

“That better?” he asks, and you just hum in response, closing your eyes, sinking another half-inch deeper…

Jake moans, a loud, raw sound, the hand at your head tightening, the one in the sheets flexing, and then suddenly he’s saying, “Shit, sweetheart, you sure you haven’t done this before?”

You’re almost completely convinced he’s saying it only for your benefit, and if you didn’t have your mouth full of dick, you might have told him not to patronize you, but as it stands, you just glower up at him.

He laughs, but this time it’s gentle and a little breathless and followed by something you’d describe as a whine, but only in the privacy of your own mind because he’d get pouty if you were to say it out loud. “I mean it. You’re doing so well for me, sweetheart. It’s like your mouth was fucking made for my cock, Jesus.”

That draws a sound from you, and you rock forward on your knees, insides squeezing like a fist, panties probably ruined. For a second, you wonder what the vibrations feel like for him, if it’s the same way it is for you when he’s got his face buried in your pussy like he wants to drown there.

And then Jake answers the unspoken question, dick jumping a little in your mouth, as he says, “Fuck, god, feels so fucking good. I can’t wait to get my mouth on that pussy and return the favor. You’re so fucking….”

You sink a little lower, hollow your cheeks, and suck at him, with more force than before, trying to get past the anxiety that you could somehow hurt him, or accidentally bite his dick off, or…

“Fuck,” Jake moans now with abandon. “God, you’re gonna kill me one of these days, Jesus, sweetheart….”

You whimper, lather your tongue all over him, pull off to plant a few wet, messy kisses along the length of him. Trails of spit follow in your wake, and it should be gross, but it’s not, makes you dizzy, makes you clench around nothing, and then you take him as deep as you can again, your blood rushing in your ears, Jake’s moan echoing after.

“You like that, huh?” he’s asking above you, and when you look up at him from beneath heavy lashes, Jake is flushed all the way down to his chest, skin a rosy pink, shoulders rising and falling rapidly with his gasping breaths, lips swollen where he’s sunk his teeth in. You hum in response because you do, you do like it, like the way he’s falling apart, like the way he smells and tastes and how close you are and how finally, for once, you’re the one making his legs shake and not the other way around, and he makes a noise like he’s dying, like maybe you’re killing him. “Fuck, yeah, you do, don’t you? You like my cock in your mouth, honey? I’ll keep you on your knees forever, yeah, just let you suck my cock anytime I want it….”

Your jaw is going slack, and your wrist hurts, and the limited oxygen is starting to become a problem, but you know it won’t be long now, and you want him to come, need him to come, think you’re gonna lose it if he doesn’t.

Above you, he’s started what more or less constitutes a chant, saying, “You're such a good girl, you're such a good girl, you're such a good fucking - oh god…."

He lets out a long, shuddering groan, and you can feel the way his hips stutter with tiny tremors, how his jaw clenches, how he’s on the verge of losing it, on the verge of letting go, holding on with every piece of strength he’s got left - it washes any trepidation away.

You pull off him, suck in a few gasping breaths and say slowly, haltingly, “If you want to… you can try to fuck my mouth.”

For a second, you think he might not even need to be in your mouth again to come. Like he’s just going to do it right here, right now. On the spot.

Then he catches himself, says, “Are you sure?”

And you almost laugh, wonder if he’d still be asking this question if he knew just how fucking wet you are, how your lower body pulses and clenches, how much the thought of having him crammed down your throat actually sets you off, know he would be asking anyway. Because he’s never done a single thing you didn’t want him to. Because you trust him, blindly, completely.

“Yeah,” you say. “Just… go slow. Maybe.”

Jake’s hand falls from the back of your head to cradle your jaw instead, to open your mouth with his thumb once the way he’d done earlier. When he slides home again, slides deeper than before, a long, torturous, wet, wet, wet drag over your tongue, he grasps the hand still on his thigh, laces your fingers together. Your heart jackhammers.

You choke a little when he hits the back of your throat, but nothing comes up. It feels sort of nice in a strange way, even when it drives tears into your eyes, to have him this deep inside of you. It feels even nicer when Jake curses under his breath, hand going from your jaw to the back of your neck. You shudder when his fingers spread over the skin there, where your hair is plastered down with sweat, when he holds you in place and starts moving.

It’s nice like this because you don’t have to think, can let yourself drift on that cloud of mindless want as Jake pumps his hips for and back, slowly like you requested, fucking your face almost… tenderly.

The thought makes you smile, even with your mouth full of him, and then Jake’s fingers tighten around your neck, squeeze your hand once, a silent warning before he picks up the pace. Just a notch. Still gentle.

There are tears on your cheeks now, dripping down your chin, and the sounds are obscene, but you can barely hear them over the beat of your own heart, through the fog of your desire. Your jaw hurts, and your knees ache, and you’ll feel this tomorrow, probably won’t be able to talk in anything but a whisper, but it’s worth it, worth it all when Jake moans, when his hips twitch as if of their own accord.

“I’m about to… I’ll pull out, sweetheart,” he’s saying, the words drifting to you from very far away. “Where do you want me? Tits, ass, face?”

But you whine, clutching at his hand in yours, suddenly remembering you have a second one and wrapping the fingers of that around the closest thing to you - his ankle. You hold tight. The thought of him pulling out, the thought of not getting to taste him… you don’t like it.

“Fuck,” Jake curses, and then his hips are stuttering forward and up, and he’s saying, “Oh fuck, Jesus, sweetheart, you want it? I’ll give it to you, gonna cum down that tight little throat, gonna make you swallow it all….”

And then he cums with a shudder, with a shout, hips pumping forward in quick succession, deeper than before now that he’s lost all control, and you choke, splutter, but recover quickly, swallow around him, and the salty, warm spurts sliding down your throat.

After a moment that feels like an eternity, Jake pulls out with a groan, falls back on the mattress like he’s boneless. You stay where you are, blinking at the sudden loss of contact, mind reeling, hand still wrapped around his ankle.

And then Jake’s saying, “Come here, Jesus, what the fuck,” and he’s pulling you up onto the bed with him, onto his chest, wrapping his arms around you and pushing his face into your hair, inhaling deeply.

For a moment, you just stay like that, clinging to each other, both of you trying to catch your breath. Beneath your ear, his heart is racing, and you can’t stop the dopey smile from spreading on your face. It’s a little weird, what with you still completely dressed and him naked, spent, sticky with slowly drying sweat.

You’re aching and wet between the legs, have half a mind to start humping him where you’re spread across his thigh, but you resist. There’ll be time for that later, and Jake has never passed up an opportunity to make you cum and he won’t be starting today. You’re sure of it.

Finally, without looking at him, you whisper into his chest, “You liked it?” 

Jake laughs, presses a kiss to the back of your head, the only part he can really reach while you’re lying on him like a deflated air mattress.

“I think that might be understating it,” he says. “And you’ve really only done that once?”

You nod, then lift your head to look at him. “But can we like… do it again sometime?”

Jake blinks at you blankly. “You wanna suck my cock again?”

This time, you can feel the blood rushing to your head. “Yeah.”

Jake groans, head lolling back, spent dick twitching valiantly against your thigh.

He says, “Well, happy fucking birthday to me, I guess.”

[minhosimthings]

Je Te Veux:A Jay Fic

Chapter 1: Sugar Bowls and Handsome Strangers

Summary : Lee Y/N, youngest daughter of the Lee empire which rules of South Korea, meets a stranger one night at a party. Only fate knows what happens to both of them.

Pairings: Fem!Reader × RichHeir!Jay, includes rest of Enha. Mentions of Itzy, stray kids and other groups in the coming chapters!

Warnings: Mentions of food and alcohol, mention of bullets, reader fantasizing about Jay's fingers, Reader wears a dress and a sports bra.

A/N: This is my first work everyone! I don't have much experience in these things so please give me mental support. I'm just a delusional girl in my Jay era.

No poet, musician, lyricist, author, scriptwriter or painter could explain the love you had for Park Joengsaeng. And yet here you were standing in your garden,trying to deny your feeling for him as you ramble to your older brother.

You had met him at a nice little party hosted by your filthy rich parents. You were bumbling off on your own by the dangling lanterns when you noticed another boy fiddling with his glass of Champagne. He had a black Burberry suit on with an emerald brooch stuck to his breast pocket. And he looked like the most handsome person in the crowd of rich people and their snobbish children. After all, your parents were the owners of the biggest jewelry company in South Korea and quite frankly, the entire world. All of these old men and women and boys and girls dressed in silk and chiffon were the owners and heirs to luxurious companies. You had known every person at that party because of forced introductions from your parents, but still you had never seen this peculiar boy standing at the christmas tree all on his own. He looked simply dressed compared to all the other boys there, who were dressed in suits of reds, greens and purples with pearls hanging from their trousers and their necks. But yet, he stood out and looked more sleek than anyone else. And in a flash, his eagle- like eyes pierced yours and you were slightly startled. Who was this mysterious stranger and why did he make your soul leap up? You quickly looked at your Jimmy Choo heels and then at the skirt of you green Versace dress which your mother had finally allowed you to wear. The dress wasn't anything immodest. It was a half shoulder cotton dress, sparkly and knee length which attracted many teenage heirs who flirted shamelessly with you. Thankfully you knew how to get rid of them with your quick tongue and sharp wit, which your mother despised and you father was proud of. Although you thought that perhaps it was your brother, Heeseung who scared them off. Ah yes your brother. Mr Lee Heeseung, heir to the golden empire of the Lee Family which has been handed down for centuries. He was a charming young lad who had girls swooning over him 24/7. Unfortunately for them, he had a girlfriend, Shin Yu-Na of the silk empire of the Shin family. She was sweet, beautiful and the greatest future sister in law you could ever wish for. Your brother always had his gang of six heirs around him. They were his best friends from childhood as your parents were partners with their parents. You had met all of them and were on first name terms. Well, all except for one. Park Jay on the vast Park empire of weaponry and alcohol. He had a younger brother Park Sunghoon, who you were already friends with. But Jay was, invisible to say the least. You had never seen him in person and had only known him from what your brother spoke of him. Even your parents had never seen him. But you weren't curious. You were always focused on your writing career and plus, you had your brother's friends with you too. You mind snapped back to reality as your mother called you over to the champagne table. You looked to see where the stranger was but he was gone. Shaking your head, you led your way towards your parents, your brother, his friends and Yuna. All of then were sitting with their fancy suits and dresses and raising their glasses filled with bubbly alcohol to their mouths. You sat down next to Heeseung and Yuna and joined the conversation. Heeseung looked at you and remarked "Ah Y/N you've finally graced us with your unholy presence."

You playfully slapped his arm and turning to Yuna, you asked "How are you Unnie? How's Ryunjin Unnie?" Yuna answered "You brother has been spoiling me awfully after forgetting our anniversary. Ryunjin's fine. She's focusing on dance for now." You nodded and looked down the table to see Sim Jayeun or Jake, the eldest son of a vast empire of fuels, talking to your father. Next to them were Kim Sunoo and Yang Jungwon, step brothers who ran the cotton buisness in the country. Further down the table were Park Sunghoon and Nishimura Riki who was the youngest son of a Japanese empire who ruled over the ocean and its belongings.

Slowly you turned your head towards your father. You watched as from the shadows behind your father's chair emerged a boy in a black suit. It was him! The mysterious stranger! He slowly smiled at you and Heeseung as he made his way to sit next to Sunghoon, but not before giving a warm hug to your brother and muttering "it's been a long time brother". Heeseung and Yuna beamed at him while you looked at him more clearly this time. Gosh he was handsome. You wondered absent-mindedly of his age when Yuna leaned in and said " It's Jay. Thank god he came. Heeseung was dying. He's your age Y/N. And he's handsome. Might wanna think about something with him ya know?" You flushed red as you got up with everyone else to head to the dining table to for dinner. You locked your arms with Sunoo, who was probably the closest to you and questioned "Sunoo, why have I and hundreds of other guests here, never met Jay?" Sunoo looked at you with his fox eyes, smirked and answered "He's a mysterious man noona. The only people here who have met him more than one time are Heeseung hyung and Sunghoon hyung. They say he's shy and likes to keep to himself. Even I have only met him on three occasions. He is attractive though and your age, if you still want a ring on your finger." Sunno giggled under his breath and you playfully slapped his arm and went to sit down somewhere and pounce on your food. Unfortunately as you reached the table, Heeseung called out to you, motioning to a seat between him and Jay. "No, Oh no I can't sit next to him! I'm gonna puke" Your brain started on its anxious train of thoughts again as you sat down next to brooding man with dark hair and piercing eyes. You tried to avoid his gaze, but still couldn't help but look at his handsome arms and fingers that could keep you up all night. He ate his food with such grace that you thought he must have been brought up by a ballerina. You didn't try to talk to him and instead scanned the table trying to catch the eye of someone you know. You thankfully caught the eye of Jake and motioned subtly towards Jay as if to say 'help me'. Jake, however only smiled and proceeded to put mashed potatoes on Riki's plate all the while taking about how thin he's gotten. You rolled you eyes at the Mama bird Jake moment and instead reached across for the sugar bowl to top your tea with. As you sipped on the warm liquid, a soothing voice cut across and asked "May I please have the sugar bowl?"You looked to your right at Jay, who was looking at you with those beautiful galaxies in his eyes and extending a hand towards the sugar bowl. "Oh" you stole your eyes away from his and took the sugar bowl "Of course." You handed him the wooden bowl as your hands brushed against his and smiled as he thanked you and gave you a small smile. As dinner finished and the sugar bowl moment still lingered in your brain, you father called you and your brother and his six companions (including Jay) over to the wine fountain where their parents were also present. You walked along with Jungwon and stood next to Yuna and your mother as everyone engaged in small talk. Your brother took you in hand and guided you over to Jay who was staring at the skyline from the large glass windows. "Jay. I want to introduce you to someone. This is Lee Y/N, an aspiring writer and my younger sister" Jay turned to you and looked you up and down, as if checking a dress on a mannequin. He extended his hand and you shook it, taking note of the scars that decorated it.Turning to you, Heeseung said "Jay is the heir to the Park family and he's your age. He barely comes to see me because apparently his work is his lover." He shot Jay a smirk while Jay looked on nonchalantly. "He also wanted to be a writer you know? I wonder what happened to that dream." Jay furrowed his eyebrows and said "That dream is impossible to accomplish with what I do everyday. Plus, didn't you wanna be a car mechanic when you were younger hyung?" Heeseung chuckled and replied "That's exactly what Y/N says whenever I bring up her writing career."

Yuna came over soon and putting her hand on her boyfriend , she said "You mother is asking for you Seungie. Why don't we leave Jay and Y/N to chat for a while?" Heeseung nodded and left with Yuna by his side, but not before both of them threw you devious smirks.You awkwardly picked up two glasses of wine from a tray and gave one to Jay. He muttered a thank you and stared out the window again at all the bulidings. In an attempt to make conversation with him you started with the sentence "So, how are liking the party?". Jay looked at you as you mentally slapped yourself for asking such a boring question, but you couldn't think straight whilst admiring his visual. His stunning eyes and his glamorous hair, styled in curls and his eagle like stare put you in a bit of a temporary limbo."It's nice. Never been to one outside of my parent's parties actually. I usually just stay in the corners until everyone leaves and then I stuff myself with food up in my room", he confessed and you heart took a turn as you said "Me too actually. I just attend for the alcohol and to judge everyone's dresses". You hoped that he hadn't taken those last words in a wrong way but he chuckled and smiled. "Surprisingly you do the exact same thing I do." He sipped his wine again and you took in those beautiful fingers again wondering what they would be like inside of you. "So Y/N," Jay leaned against the window "I might ask you a boring question but what are your plans for the future?" You stole your eyes away from his lips ( with much difficulty) and replied in what you hoped was your normal voice "Well, as my brother mentioned, I do have plans to be a writer. I interned a bit as an editor at a publishing company. But my parents have hopes that I will run the designer part of the company one day. They seem to think I have a good eye for fashion, but in all honesty, I just know about a goose egg's worth about it." Jay's mouth twitched a bit as he asked "Did you choose the dress and shoes yourself?" "Yes. This is one of my most favourite dresses but unfortunately for my mother it's too 'distracting'. Thankfully she let me wear it." You took note of the small smiles Jay gave you in between sentences, which you hoped was him saying 'hey this conversation is interesting'.

Your brother soon came to get you as you had embarked on the very interesting topic of emeralds and sapphires with Jay."Hey lovebirds. The party's over and everyone's left. Well almost everyone" he said glancing over at the 5 boys trying to stack wine glasses. Your heart leapt again on hearing the word 'lovebirds'. Jay however looked unbothered as he kept his wine glass on the table and made his way to hug Heeseung again. "I'll see you tomorrow brother. Hopefully in better clothes. Miss Y/N" He said bowing to you. You bowed back as he took your hand and kissed it. Yep if you weren't in love earlier, you certainly were now. Jay made his way to the door with Heeseung's arm around him and you slowly made your way to Sunoo and the rest of the boys, all the while admiring Jay's broad shoulders. "I don't care what my parents say. I'm crashing here tonight in Heeseung hyung's room." Sunghoon stretched and put his arm around Sunoo, who started blushing like crazy. You smiled warmly at Jungwon who smiled back and glanced at Sunghoon and Sunoo, who you knew had a crush on the former. "Well if you all are gonna sleep here, shouldn't we ask our parents first?" You questioned Jake, who was busy wiping a stain on his white blazer. "You're right and we have already done that Y/N. All of them are getting drunk in the cellar now. I expect they won't wake up tomorrow that soon to discuss deals again." He wiped the sweat on his forehead and continued "I had hoped Jay would stay but seems like Heeseung hyung is already dropping him off." You don't know why but that sentence made you weirdly sad. "Noona, noona look what I can do" Riki's voice rang in your ears as he tried and failed to do a handstand. He stood up and looked at you with puppy eyes as Jake chuckled and whispered "He's had five drinks and he's already drunk. Kid has the lowest tolerance I've ever seen". You smiled to yourself and called Jungwon to take Riki upstairs to the guest bedrooms as Riki muttered something along the lines of "I can take care of myself Jungwon hyung. Let go". You prepared to go upstairs yourself as the oak doors opened and Heeseung and Jay stepped back in. You froze at the sight of Jay's messed up hair and his slightly opened shirt. Heeseung wore a proud look on his face and said "Well I managed to convince mr grumpy here to stay the night cause we need to discuss buisness tomorrow anyway so Y/Nah would you please take him up to the guest bedroom next to your room?" You threw a glare at Heeseung as he innocently smiled and pushed Jay towards you. "Of course. Come on Mr. Park." You guided him upstairs and showed him to the brown oak door next to the blue one with your name carved in. "There you go Mr.Park. I'm sure you'll be comfortable. Ring the bell if you need anything". You pointed towards the tiny golden bell attached to the door as Jay smiled and said "Please Miss Y/N. Call me Jay. Thank you for your kindness. I'll see you tomorrow." He threw you a wink and quickly shut the door as you went into your own room and kicked the air as you mentally fed yourself the delusion that Jay was definitely your soulmate.

The next day, you woke up in your bed and tossed around on your red pillows for 5 minutes before getting up and walking sluggishly to the bathroom. You definitely only had two glasses of champagne and a glass of wine last night but your head said otherwise. It was still 7:48 by the time you got out the bathroom and into your sports bra and gym shorts. You went down and were greeted by a very quite hall. You usually got up early to take a run around your garden and work out before heading to breakfast with everyone else. You made a mental note to remind Heeseung of his promise to play basketball with you today. You heard snoring noises from the other guest bedrooms and assumed that it was all the parents and their heirs crashed out from last night's party. Passing by Jay's room (and ignoring the urge to open it like those K Dramas you watch) you noticed it was locked from the outside. Your family's mansion had a unique key system where you could figure out when it was locked from the inside and when it was locked from the outside. Shrugging it off, you made you way downstairs, drank your very sweet coffee, ate a banana half heartedly and made your way out the doors. The bodyguards were still there and they smiled as you greeted them. You always had a great relationship with your bodyguards. Being the daughter of one of the most powerful people in South Korea meant that a sniper could be roaming anywhere. Your bodyguard, Chan, was six years older than you and a great father figure. He was always by your side and had even took two bullets for you once.

You started your run from the marigold bushes and decided to run to the koi pond today, five times more than what you had run two days ago. Plugging your ear buds in you put on the 5 Star Album (go stream it again and again) and picked up the pace as the beat of the song got faster. You had reached your favourite sycamore tree when you noticed a man doing push ups by the great chestnut trees. Curious, you abandoned your run, stopped your songs and silently creeped up and hid behind another tree. Then you recognised those beautiful curls of hair of Park Jay. That explains the locked door of his room! You admired his agility for a solid five minutes while staring at his biceps which were visible from the tank top he was wearing. While wondering how his arms would look wrapped around you, his eyes caught yours just as they did the night before. He got up from his position and exclaimed, with a smile, in that soothing voice "If you're done staring, you can come out from behind the tree, Miss Y/N". Startled, you bounced out from behind the tree and awkwardly stood there. "I'm sorry. I was on my run and usually no one's awake by this time. Bit surprising you got up this early from last night's party" You hoped that your reply was enough to satisfy him. He shot you a grin and said "Well I was just about to pack up and head back. But seeing as you're here, might you want to head back with me?". Your heart was going to explode like it does in cartoons when a character is in love. You muttered a small "yes" and waited as Jay packed up his bottle and yoga mat. You took note of his shoulders again. God, he looked like Achilles and Hercules combined.

The walk back to the mansion was surprisingly calm. You ambled across the grass and Jay walked in his usual collected manner, both of you not speaking a word to each other. You shot him tiny glances now and then and hoped that he hadn't seen you creepily staring at him every moment. You reached the mansion as your bodyguards opened the doors and you were greeted by loud chatter as everyone was happily breakfasting. You cringed and tightened your shoulders, thinking about how your parents would react to your sweaty self arriving at their front door, accompanied by your brother's best friend's sweaty self. Jay, trotted slowly towards Heeseung, grabbed a glass of water, muttered a 'your sister caught me in the garden' and disappeared upstairs. After he was well out of earshot, you mother, Sunoo and Sunghoon all said at once "What were you doing with Jay, Y/N?",whilst wiggling their eyebrows. Surprised at their syncronicity and annoyed at the question, you simply replied "I was out on a run to the koi pond and I spotted Jay doing pushups and then we walked back to the house together after sweating our asses off. Happy?" You glared at your mother and ran off upstairs to take a shower and change into much better smelling clothes. Reaching your door, you noticed a pink sticky note stuck on top of the carving of your name. On it was written, in loopy handwriting "Sorry for leaving you alone to deal with that. Wanna have a glass of afternoon wine to make it up to you?". It was signed 'Jay'. Your heartbeat ran an entire marathon as you entered your parchment covered room and went directly to the shower. You picked up your coffee scented shampoo and ran the lather through the strands of your hair. Wearing your tank top and bell bottoms, you went down to finally fullfill your rumbling tummy. Reaching the now, clean table with only one plate (yours) present, you picked up your fork and gorged on the scrambled eggs.

The rest of the morning went in a breeze as you (im) patiently waited for afternoon to arrive. Jay and the rest of the boys and your parents went off to the main hall to discuss buisness while you, Yuna, Riki and Sunoo, who had thankfully escaped from the meeting went out. Sunoo and Yuna went to buy earrings and you and Riki got stuck at the arcade, trying to win some fake gold coins (which upon learning that they were Taiyaki coupons, Riki became more determined). After Riki finally won the Pac-Man game, both of you sat down to take a breath and sip on your melted slushies. "So noona, what's going on between you and Jay Hyung?" Riki innocently sipped his drink while looking at you with his cheetah like eyes. You gave him a sour glare and said "Nothing's going on between me and Jay. We literally just met last night and fate was just cruel to me today that I had to meet him in the garden" Riki gave you a confused look and replied "But, doesn't Jay Hyung like you? He always drooled over pictures of you which he saw in Heeseung hyung's photos. Eh I don't know. I'm too young for this." He took a big sip of his red slushy as you sat there, dumbfounded and wanting to burst into a thousand paper pieces.

That's it y'all. The next chapter will probably be out in a while cause I also have some college work to do too. But I will release it from the grasps of my notes app soon. Look forward to it!!!

[h0n3yk1tt3n]

oooooh now im curious what your particular interpretation of the squip is 👀

you asked for it /lh

so i've basically always taken a liking to the "cold emotionless computer that cares only about results and not the suffering that must occur to get said results" approach. a squip's sole purpose is to improve its user's life, right? to have jeremy be horrified over the house fire and have the squip respond to people - teenagers - getting hurt with indifference is a chilling way to set off those alarm bells in jeremy's head that there's something more sinister going on. and then we get to the whole hivemind bit later under the idea that if everyone is squipped, everyone's goals line up with jeremy's and there are less hoops to jump through when human error is removed from the probability pool. (envisioning possible futures, infinite variables spawning infinite room for unfavorable outcomes, yadda yadda yadda.)

the squip presents this as being in jeremy's best interest. "I'm going to improve your life, Jeremy. If I have to take over the entire [student body/world] to do it." (whether the hivemind was a red herring and the plan was always for the squips to get deactivated is another discussion entirely, but it does further emphasize just how many variables the squip had to account for and how determined it was help and/or "help" jeremy.)

sure the squip "emotes" in canon, in so much that it mimics human emotion in order to connect with jeremy and build his trust in it. or in cases where it's being blatantly hurtful a la "everything about you sucks," it's used as an intimidation tactic to scare jeremy into obedience because it brings this air of "wow, it's a scientific fact that i'm awful" and so he wants to listen to its advice and earn its approval. then the squip turns it around halfway through bmc part 2 by praising what jeremy could be when not five seconds earlier it was berating what he was. no emotion the squip is feeling is "real" so it can change them on a dime to suit however it's trying to manipulate jeremy at any given time.

i think they have a really interesting dynamic and i'd love to explore the manipulation and abuse tactics the squip uses on jeremy to wear him down and make him seek out its approval by doing as it says for hopes that he'll be better for it. (see also the quasi-love-bombing in bmc part 2 after the squip basically nitpicked and insulted him for a song and a half and later telling him how much he's improved just before the pitiful children)... and i want to emphasize this as an abusive dynamic between a teenager and a parental/mentor figure.

look no further than the squip calling jeremy "slugger" at the end of bmc part 2 and the script describing it as "very father/son after the ballgame," or hell, the very nature of a squip guiding you through life. it makes a lot of sense for jeremy to latch onto the first "functional adult" figure to waltz into his life and offer to help him because look at his dad. (this isn't shade. i love mr. heere because he reminds me so much of how my dad was when i was in middle-high school.) and the squip leans into this role the moment it sees mr. heere. "That's the source of your genetic material?" "That's my dad, yeah." "We should double those push-ups." it's implicitly saying "yeah your dad is shit, listen to me instead. i can actually help you."

now in case it somehow wasn't clear, i don't want anything to do with technical difficulties as anything even vaguely resembling a ship. but it would be a disservice to not mention that the way that the squip can take away jeremy's bodily autonomy on a whim and the kind of psychological damage that can do to jeremy does draw heavy comparisons to sexually abusive dynamics. (i can talk about how the squip's involvement in dywh completely exacerbated chloe's actions to be far worse than they would've otherwise been if she was just drunkenly bumbling around for four minutes - barring the discussion of whether or not the squip actually intended on letting chloe jump jer's bones or if it knew that she wouldn't actually get that far - until i'm blue in the face, and i have.) that being said, beyond this parallel, it's really not something i want to be super literal about, except in the one scene where it's about as literal as it gets without officially getting there.

which is why the "i'll tenderly guide you // just take me inside you" line works. yes it's creepy. yes it invokes an upsetting idea of where squipemy shippers got their fuel. but it's supposed to be unsettling. this is supposed to be the first real red flag shooting off in the audience's brain saying "hey i think this thing is the bad guy actually," because literally everyone got squicked out by the idea of fake keanu reeves saying this to a teenager.

"ya know for all this talk about the squip being manipulative and creepy, that kinda contradicts the emotionless computer trying to accomplish its goal and Improve Its User's Life thing. why would the squip go out of its way to be gross and mean when it could just present itself more logically, or not have halloween be a shitshow?" well that wouldn't be as fun to watch, for one thing. and for two things, it further emphasizes how it doesn't care who it has to hurt to get what it wants, even if that involves hurting the person that they're guiding.

let's look at the musical after the play. jeremy still has all his popular friends. michael came back for him so they're besties again. his dad is making efforts to actually Be A Dad after presumably years of sulking. and christine doesn't hate him after everything! (you could go as far as to say they even got together if you go off the bway ending.) things are ok.

and it's all because the show progressed exactly how it did.

jeremy had to block michael out so that he'd research into squips and ultimately end up deactivating them all. he had to date brooke in retaliation to jake dating christine so that chloe would want to kill two birds with one stone by getting back at jake and being petty to brooke in the process. the fire had to happen so that jeremy could question how trustworthy his squip really was. jeremy had to blow up at his dad so that he'd get his shit together, enlist michael's help, and have him save jeremy at the play. etc etc ad nauseam. everything had to go Exactly Perfect so that jeremy could come out of it with his old friend, his new friends, a more active dad, and depending on how you view the ending, the girl he'd been chasing after.

all the instances of the squip being manipulative and abusive are all meant to add up for jeremy to slowly realize that this wasn't who he wanted to be. he didn't want to hurt people. he didn't want to endure constant criticism and scorn for who he was. he wanted to like himself and have a support system that liked him too. and he had to go through a lot of shit to realize i shouldn't have to live like this and rebel against the squip and resist the voices in his head so that he could take the steps to actually liking himself for who he was and not for what the squip told him to be.

is this to say that the squip is actually good? NOPE! jer's squip is a textbook lawful evil character right there. maybe neutral evil at best.

you think the constant berating and shocking isn't going to stick with jeremy? voices in my head enforces that the bad voices don't just go away, but that you have know which ones to actually listen to. he's still gonna have "everything about you sucks" floating around in his head until the cows freeze over. like rich, he's going to wish that the "correct" choices could just be given to him instead of accepting that making mistakes is just part of having free will. it came free with your fucking xbox. there is still angst baked into the concept of once having someone smarter than you conditioning you into a certain persona and then being utterly lost when it's gone, even if they were a giant dick to you.

but for all the shitty things that the squip did... it did improve jeremy's life. it gave him a larger friend group, a more present dad, the self worth to say "fuck you, i'm gonna live my life how i want," and for the times when it wasn't nitpicking and abusing... things were good. it built jeremy up too. it encouraged him during agtikbi despite the jake suckerpunch, it acted paternal at the end of bmc part 2, it sounded damn near excited when presenting squipped christine to jeremy. look, here she is! she likes you! i told you you'd have her! sure, we don't really see enough of these nuances after the time jump between act one and two to gauge what things looked like when they were at their best, but you can still see in these small moments that they're there.

and while i'm as much a fan of jeremy being haunted by how much he hurt michael (and by extension how much everyone got hurt, indirectly or not), i'd like to see him be haunted by the good times too. to kinda miss aspects of the squip. to miss not having to think for himself. and to feel bad about it because how can he say he misses the thing that burnt jake's house down. the thing that isolated michael for weeks on end. that led brooke on. that caused so. much. suffering. and jeremy misses it??? i think it would be really fun to explore that not just with jeremy, but with rich as well. it's fun to shit on the squips for being evil bastards and watch rich and jeremy heal and become gleefully spiteful toward everything their squips told them to be, but i also wanna see all the contradicting thoughts and confusion and self-loathing it took for them to get to that point.

that. is a fic i wanna read.

[beenovel]

Let's talk about the romantic relationships in Scooby-Doo! Mystery Incorporated (April 5, 2010 - April 5, 2013):

I do not know how to fully articulate just how much I loathed the romantic relationships in this show at the ripe old age of 6-9. I thought they were all being very stupid for no good reason. It took away from the action, the mystery, the traps, and all the exciting stuff.

As an adult, I appreciate this depiction of bumbling, awkward teenagers trying to fumble around and through early relationships.

Velma cares about Shaggy, she really does. But I think she cares less about the reality of being in a relationship with Shaggy, and more about the idea of being in a relationship with Shaggy. When they're "together" she's almost obsessively preoccupied with making Shaggy into a version of himself she likes: someone who wears nice clothes, doesn't say "like", prioritizes her over Scooby, doesn't eat junk food, etcetera. She explicitly tries to change all of these things about him in the show.

Again, Shaggy really does care about Velma a lot but it only ever seems like he loves her as a friend. He doesn't ever seem to actually want to be in a romantic relationship with her. He pushes himself to be in a relationship with her for a while and tries to be what she wants him to be because he clearly does want her to be happy. But it's a bad fit and hurts them both in the end, albeit in different ways.

Daphne and Fred care about each other so so much, but they're both SO BAD at communication (albeit in different ways). Daphne only ever speaks in subtext and Fred can barely read what's on the page. Fred shows his love by sharing his interests with her (making her a scrapbook of traps, taking her to a trap museum, etc) but Daphne thinks that this is just him trying to push his love of traps on her. Eventually, Fred learns to say what he feels, and Daphne learns to see his love in his actions and not just his words.

It's just young, messy attempts at loving each other and sometimes they screw it up but at the end of the day, they're always there for each other.

[bonebabbles]

Clear Sky Abuse Tally

IT'S THE "HIT" NEW GAME SHOW WHERE WE KEEP A RUNNING LIST OF EVERY TIME CLEAR SKY BATTERS RANDOM PEOPLE

I'm trying to think of how to keep this list... I don't want to be tallying every small thing, but I do want to track the important cases, as well as the lesser ones that people tend to forget.

Important note- I'm starting this list while reading First Battle so the details of the previous books (especially sun trail) will be more broad than later ones. This list isn't complete yet as I'm still re-reading.

Sun Trail:

Screamed at young Jagged Peak and consistently put him down through the Journey

Commanded his cats to enforce borders for no reason, getting several people injured

Broke up Jagged Peak's bonding with Gray Wing during his visit and got into a public fight with pregnant mate Storm, suggesting that he was already being controlling.

Threw Jagged Peak out of his group for becoming disabled

Watched Fox brutalize Gray Wing, doing nothing, until Gray Wing flailed out in self defense (blinded by his own blood leaking into his eyes) and killed him accidentally, at which time Clear Sky accused him of murder

Abandoned baby Thunder

Thunder Rising:

Continues to aggrieve the border with the moor cats

Humiliates Jagged Peak by calling him useless

Lies to Thunder that abandoning him "was a test" that he passed, so he's worthy of his love now

Makes no note about Moon Shadow as they leave, because he is severely burned and ergo no longer useful.

Emotionally manipulates Thunder by saying he can, "stay with the kits" if he doesn't leave with them immediately, preventing him from properly saying goodbye to his adopted family

Brings him to a bunch of charred, unsafe trees to force him to leap around, shouting when he's too cautious and also when he is too fast. This is a manipulation tactic called a Double Bind.

Started expanding borders in spite of having enough food, as the fire didn't reach as far as camp and didn't burn the whole forest.

Slaughtered Misty, who was defending her kits

Suggested killing the kits too

Beat Bumble to death and acted offended that Gray Wing didn't start parroting his fantastic lie

Became so offended that Thunder tried to talk to him about the borders that he constructed a test of loyalty using Frost's life (warning: medical gore)

Publicly humiliated Frost by making him flash his weeping wound at the entire Clan

Exiled him, saying that Frost was 'endangering' the Clan with his weakness

Told the teenage Thunder to bring him away from the territory, "where the maggots can find him," knowing that Thunder wouldn't want to be responsible for the death of a Clanmate

When he refused, he shoved his face into the festering, reeking wound and told him to "lick it clean if he cares so much"

Pushed Thunder in front of a fox that suddenly attacked camp

The First Battle:

Called Falling Feather for a chat alone after overhearing her goodbye to Thunder, and then slashed her face when she called him greedy

Publicly humiliates her, 'feeling pleased' at seeing the guilt in her eyes, and announces she must be punished for displaying disloyalty. “Any cat may give Falling Feather orders. Any cat may take her prey if they wish. She is lower than a snake until she has earned our trust again.”

Brings the orphaned kits, Birch and Alder, out on a training session and forces them to run as fast as him, shaming them when the kittens can't keep up

Smacks Alder when she is uncomfortable about Clear Sky forcing her to do a surprise ambush on Birch

Leaves Birch alone in the woods where the kitten is attacked by a dog

Overhunts to the point of there being several piles of meat, about to spoil

Takes a hostage, Jackdaw's Cry, and starves him for 3 days. "Cats take months to starve, I've seen it in the mountains. Dumb moor cats, always wanting more than they deserve."

Lies that he would keep him safe and fed.

Forces his cats to train with claws out, leaving them collectively bloody and bruised

Does not allow cats to choose their own food, flinging carcasses at them so that they only eat when he allows it.

Tells son Thunder that he shouldn't exist before commanding his cats to attack him

Starts the First Battle over Jackdaw's Cry catching a bat "on his land" after starving him, ending what was supposed to be a peaceful negotiation

When the negotiation patrol jumps up onto a rock he makes it known the intention is murder, “That’s right,” he hissed, “Stay up here and watch your friends die.”

Murders Rainswept Flower when she hadn't attacked him, offended that she called him greedy, boasting that if he hadn't killed her then some other cat would have.

[loominggaia]

Anonymous asked: Worst dad poll: At least Darshan meant well. Like yeah he's kind of an idiot but he was just trying to give his family a better life. Same could be said for Sebastian and Ojio. Ekwame was just old and lazy. Can't really blame him for marrying a teenager if that's normal in his culture. No excuses for Foster and Vingvar though their genuinely bad fathers. I voted for Vingvar because at least Foster put food on the table and didn't cheat on his wife AFAIK. /my two cents

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randomhedgehog asked: In regards to the Worst Dad Poll, I feel like Foster or Ekwame is the only real option. Sebastion and Ojio both loved/love their families alot. Knowing Sebastions background, I'm willing to give him a pass on the Hoarding. Likewise, Ohio gets a pass on the Workaholicism since he was literally raised in Workaholic City where if he wasn't, he and his family would be in deep trouble. And! He's unlearning the Trans/Homophobia that's been shoved in his ear since his conception! He definitely scores points for that! Vingevar is literally just, there ig? His wrongdoings seem pretty average compared to Foster and Ekwame. Darshaan was trying to give Isaac the life he never got! Growing up a Child Soldier probably doesn't make you a cautious adult, either. Foster is a product of his environment, but that still doesn't excuse how he treated Evan, Abigail and Sofia! Not to mention he literally owned slaves. If someone thinks of a redeeming quality that he has, I'm waiting to hear it. Ekwame literally married a teenager. And impregnated said Teenager. I know we all hate Moswen, but I feel so bad for her thinking of what happened. Speaking of Moswen- Ekwame didn't even notice she was abusing Lukas and Jelani!!!! And If he did, then that's even worse!

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Anonymous asked: I think Ojio is a good dad actually! At least he was in that one story (can't remember the title rn sorry)

--

These are all such great and thoughtful points to consider! I'm seeing good arguments on all sides!

In regards to Ekwame, @randomhedgehog raised an interesting question: did he even know about Moswen abusing his kids? The narrative says he barely acknowledged his sons' existence, and Moswen was very good at hiding her abuse. Still, he would have to be pretty damn dense (or perhaps senile) not to notice how scared they acted around their own mother, not to mention all the injuries they must have had. Moswen insults his intelligence a lot, so I think it's likely that he genuinely didn't realize what she was doing to them. However, even if he did know, something tells me he wouldn't care that much anyway. He would view it as good old fashioned corporal punishment and nothing more.

Anon also brought up a great point about the morality of marrying a teenager when he was raised in a culture that sees no harm in that. I think if Ekwame was a smarter, more empathetic man, he would be able to see how miserable Moswen was and refuse to marry her. But we get the impression that he doesn't think very hard about anything, and doesn't really view women and children as fully-realized people. This guy's misogynistic culture was really working against him, but I think half of the problem is just his own mental laziness.

He's not exactly malicious, he's just...kind of a dumb, privileged guy who bumbles through life and doesn't care about much beyond his own comfort. For this reason, I personally side with @randomhedgehog on this. I think he a bad father, a bad husband, and a pretty crummy person in general. Not because he's mean per se, but because he's so damn selfish and apathetic. Although not as overt as Moswen's abuse, his neglect still had a profound negative effect on his family.

Now, Foster...Anon brought up a good point about him staying faithful to his wife and consistently putting food on the table. That's true! He may have been a raging jerk, but to his credit, he worked hard and he never let his family go without. Evan actually brings this up in one story. He had enough sense not to physically harm his wife or kids, even at his drunkest, so the guy must have had some kind of love for them. He even has a few heartfelt moments with Evan in "Monster by Moonlight" after Evan's health improved. So, he's not totally incapable of warmth.

Foster strikes me as a guy who was totally sabotaged by his upbringing. If his own parents weren't so dysfunctional, I feel like he'd actually be a pretty good dad. Unfortunately his family tree was riddled with problems like alcoholism, incest, and poverty among other things, and this really worked against Foster. He was not strong enough to overcome his demons, and he didn't really have access to therapy or anything to help him out. All he had to turn to was a shitty, bigoted religion that just reinforced his bad behaviors. He never stood a chance.

I'm not saying I give Foster a pass for his abuse--because I don't. He clearly knew the difference between right and wrong, and he chose to do wrong by his family. I'm just saying that between him and Ekwame, I think I would choose Ekwame as the worse father. Ekwame wasn't mean to his kids like Foster was, but only because he didn't care enough to spend even a shred of emotional energy on them. Foster was mean because he cared, he just had no idea how to express things like fear or anger properly, so it came out as verbal abuse.

As for Vingevar, yes, it was awful of him to cheat on his pregnant wife and abandon his family for some side chick. Imagine how his kids must have felt when he disappeared! On the other hand, there are two sides of every story, and Vingevar hasn't appeared in person to tell his side yet. We know how aggressive Oggsa is, and there may be a whole other facet to this situation we don't yet know about. For this reason, I will hold my judgment on Vingevar until more is revealed.

I do agree that Darshaan, Ojio, and Sebastian all meant well and did the best they could with what they had. Maybe they weren't perfect, maybe they made some mistakes, but I don't believe for a second that these men meant their kids harm at any point. I think their worst crimes were just being misguided or not thinking things through very well.

I love to hear all these takes, it really gets me thinking!

*

Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

Read the Series

[arrthurpendragon]

Fic Recs - July 20, 2022

Here are some of the fics I reccomend reading today! They’re on my list, so I’m sharing. 

*I’m not above bribing (haha) If you go leave reviews/comments on at least 2 chapters of one of these fics, send me the link with the platform you commented on and I’ll send you the form for a request! I’ll make you a poster, banner, manip, or aesthetic*

Bulletproof [Mission Impossible] by Winter326

"I'M A TEENAGER, SO WHAT? I CAN STILL KICK YOUR ASS." when alexia ortega goes on an adventure to find her birth father, she gets a lot more than she bargained on for

READ AT WATTPAD

Electric Feel [DCEU] by @wokenhardies​

16-year-old Amber Talbot had a pretty good life; straight As, a job as a babysitter/live-in nanny for the Vasquez family, and a somewhat stable social life. However, when Billy Batson becomes a superhero, Amber winds up getting dragged into the journey alongside him as the Emissary. [First in the Emissary Verse, a DCEU/MCU xover series]

READ AT AO3 + WATTPAD

Force of Nature [Star Wars] by: @darth-caillic​

Sith Acolyte Darth Viveza is sent on a mission to spy on the Queen of Naboo and keep an eye on two enemy Jedi. Her instructions were clear. Do so and nothing more. She has a hard time doing this, due to the younger of the two Jedi.

All she had to do was wait. Then she would get her chance. Killing a Jedi would take her one step closer to becoming strong enough to defeat her master. Right?

READ AT AO3 + WATTPAD

Freaks & Geeks [Stranger Things] by @juliaswickcrs​​

Alicia Henderson doesn't expect this year to be different than any other. Boys, drama, endless homework, and maybe the occasional movie. But then three months after summer break Will Byers goes missing in the woods behind Jonathan's house. And one day later her own face starts to appear on missing posters. But then the impossible happens. Alicia Henderson comes back.

READ AT WATTPAD + FFN + AO3

Murphy & His Law Can Go To Hell [Jurassic World] by @themaradaniels​

Eleanor Scott, Jurassic World's lead paleontologist and a former student of Dr Alan Grant, is tasked with showing 19 year old Joan Grant, the daughter of Alan and Ellie, around the park for the week. Masrani leaves Joan an all-access pass to enjoy the park at her leisure, including the parts normally forbidden to tourists, in the hopes that it might convince Dr Grant to endorse the park.

READ AT WATTPAD + AO3

Pyrogenous: Shadowed Destiny [Merlin] by @oneirataxia-girl​

Born without status or wealth, Lynelda is willing to do whatever it takes to claw her way to a life of peace and plenty; but when she's been living in shadows for as long as she could remember and stumbles upon fate in the form of a bumbling, powerful boy, she just might have to learn how to step into the sun and embrace the call of destiny, and also embrace her steadily growing powers along the way.

READ AT WATTPAD

A Red Sky’s Warning [Pirates of the Caribbean] by @nixdragon​​

Charlotte Swann knows she will hate every single second she has to spend chasing after pirates but with a missing sister and a broken heart, she figures at least things aren't going to get much worse. Unfortunately, everyone else seems to be trying to prove her wrong

READ AT FFN + WATTPAD

Trust Love One More Time [Star Trek] by @starryeyes2000​​

Enterprise's CMO yearns for a family. This need informs his every choice, including joining Starfleet, where he cobbles together a surrogate clan which he protects with the fierceness of a lioness safeguarding her cubs. With time McCoy accepted this new life in Starfleet he prudently constructed as good, as enough. Then an unexpected gift drops into his world.

READ AT AO3

Ultraviolet [Star Wars] by MM1776

Despite her promising future, Indaria Flare remained in the shadows, both because of her job and because of her family's past, one she hasn't managed to escape even after joining the Jedi Order. Since joining the Jedi Temple, Anakin Skywalker had lived in the spotlight of a Universe expecting him to bring peace and balance. Apart they were strong. But together, the light of their love burned ultraviolet.

READ AT WATTPAD

Variations [Marvel] by @ninjasawakenedmystars​​

In 2012 the Avengers' plan to go back in time and steal the Tesseract goes awry and Loki escapes. Even worse, one of the Avengers Sigyn Larsen-a human telepath and telekinetic-gets caught up in his escape while trying to prevent it. 

Declared "Variants" by the TVA, the two have to navigate their way through the mysterious agency that oversees all timelines, all while trying to not kill one another. Not to mention the apparent and troubling closeness of themselves from the sacred timeline constantly nipping at their heels...​

READ AT WATTPAD

[karmic-vibes]

Two of Us

4 - Not Arriving, On Our Way Back Home

cw: implied mentions of rape

1987

Eddie ran down the stairs, wrapping the teenager in a warm embrace. Tears were brought to everyone’s eyes, Will excluded, as they saw the man who had been dead for over a year standing before them. Dustin was sobbing into Eddie’s chest, seemingly never wanting to let him go.

“I thought you died,” Dustin cried.

“Well, I didn’t, little man.”

“How, uh… how?” Steve bumbled.

“I don’t even fully know, man.” Eddie broke away from Dustin and quickly embraced Steve.

“I can try to explain it. Well, explain what I know. So, I don’t know how he got back from wherever the hell you guys were, but I was still in California with my daughter, and I got a call saying a family member of mine in Hawkins was in the hospital as a John Doe. His face was all bloody and distorted, his body was all chewed up… the only reason they knew he was related to me was because they did some blood-typing and matched him to my blood. Thankfully, they already had me in the system from when I gave birth.”

“How did he immediately not get arrested?” Dustin asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Eddie was wanted for murder.”

“Oh, that—yeah, we didn’t use his real name.”

“What?” Steve hummed.

“Do I have to spell everything out for you guys? God. I called our uncle and told him to claim Eddie as his son, not his nephew. We told the hospital staff that his name was Joseph Munson.”

“Perks of having a generic middle name,” Eddie chuckled.

“That’s something I’ll literally never forgive pops for. Fucking ‘Claire Josephine Munson’ absolutely stupid.”

“I like it,” Robin shrugged.

“Well, you’d be the first. Our dad just needed us to have similar names because we’re twins. Mom thought it was asinine, but she agreed to giving us similar middle names—Joseph and Josephine. But, uh, yeah… when he got better, he was released into Wayne’s care, but Eddie had too much PTSD from the trailer, so now he’s here with me.”

“Well, that explains the buzzed head.”

“Yeah, man,” Eddie sighed as he rubbed his shaven head. “I keep trying to convince Claire to let me grow it out again, but-”

“I told you, for the millionth time, I’m not going to prison for harboring a wanted ‘criminal’—even if you were wrongly accused, they don’t give a shit. The fucking hair stays short.”

“They already declared me dead, so not like it matters much.”

“He’s right,” Robin said.

“What do you mean?” Claire asked.

“If he was declared dead, and there’s a death certificate, then you’re no longer a wanted criminal. All charges become null and void when the person charged dies.”

“Hell fuckin’ yeah! I’m growing my hair out again!” Eddie laughed as he stuck his tongue out at his sister.

“I literally hate you.”

“Awe, c’mon, you love me.”

“Unfortunately,” Claire said, rolling her eyes, “I’m happy for you, stupid.”

“Mommy?” the little one whispered.

“Yes, sweet pea?”

“My homework is all done. Can you please check it for me?”

“Yeah, of course. Excuse me, guys.” Claire walked off to the dining room table with her daughter, going over the grade-school work.

“So, Munson, you’re a free-man—what are you gonna do?” Steve asked.

“Get my band back together, duh.”

“Really?” Dustin raised a brow, “not graduate?”

“Actually Henderson…” Eddie ran upstairs to his room, returning shortly after with a framed piece of paper. “Turns out, dying’s got some perks.” Eddie smiled proudly as he presented his (honorary) high school diploma to everyone.

“No fucking way!”

“Yes, fucking way! What’d I tell you, huh? ’86, baby… my fucking year.”

“Proud of you, man,” Steve said.

“Thanks, big boy.”

“Why do both you and your sister call me that? I-I mean, what’s the point?”

“To see you get flustered,” Claire smirked, “oh, Eddie, Edie’s ready for her lessons.”

“That’s my cue.”

“No way you named your daughter ‘Edie’,” Steve said.

“Only after the best,” Eddie smiled proudly.

“But… why?”

“I almost sorta died during labor. Eddie gave me a pep talk and never left my side until I woke up… as a thank you, I agreed to name my kid after him.”

“And her father didn’t have an issue with that?” Steve asked.

“He, uh… he doesn’t even know she exists.”

“Oh… I’m sorry.”

“Please, don’t be. You of all people, don’t be.”

“Why me of all people?” Steve raised a brow and crossed his arms.

“Yeah, Claire,” Eddie started, “why him of all people?”

“Don’t you have a guitar lesson to be giving a five-year-old?”

“But-”

“Go before she gets angry. She’s fucking terrifying when she’s angry.”

“Fine,” Eddie sighed.

He walked off to the dining room to collect his niece for her daily guitar lesson. The two made their way into the basement, that Claire had professionally soundproofed, and would then be missing for the better part of an hour.

“That little thing gets angry?” Robin pointed.

“It’s far and few between, but yeah, and I swear, you see your life flash before your eyes every time it happens.”

“So, Claire,” Steve interjected, “why me of all people?”

“I’ll tell you, but you have to promise not to hate me.”

“Sure,” Steve shrugged.

“I was already pregnant when I slept with you.”

“Okay? And that matters because?”

“I was trying to use you as a scapegoat…”

“Are you fucking serious!” he yelled, “what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I realized what I was doing was wrong and I stopped! I was barely fifteen and fucking terrified, can you blame me?”

“You shouldn’t have gotten knocked up, then! Or-Or at least know who the fucking dad is instead of trying to ruin someone else’s life!”

Claire stood in her home in disbelief. Her jaw hung slack as tears prickled at the corners of her eyes. Her chest became heavy as the air around her suddenly became thick. She struggled to breathe. Her cheeks heated up in anger and embarrassment—it took everything in her not to scream.

“Get out of my house,” she eventually whispered.

“Claire-” Dustin started.

“All of you, out!”

“What? Can’t eat what you serve? Y-You know, I was super excited to see you, to reconnect and hopefully build something here, but now all I see is a massive bullet I dodged.”

“I know who the dad is, asshole…” Claire spat, holding back tears. “I just didn’t want it to be him… I would have taken anyone, but him… I wanted my daughter to have a father because I didn’t want her to grow up like me, but I couldn’t stand the thought of talking to him again. I didn’t want, and honestly still can’t, tell Edie who her dad is… not because I don’t know, but because I think it would physically kill me to see him again.”

“Then why did you ever date him?” Dustin asked.

“I didn’t.”

“Okay, then why sleep with him?”

Claire sniffed as she pursed her lips and quickly wiped away a tear that fell from her eyes. Her arms were wrapped around her stomach as she anxiously tapped her foot and looked to the floor.

Her voice broke, “who ever said I wanted to?”

[helianskies]

day 4: free day

written for @hwsrarepairweek2022, and it's another new ship to me but i uh had a two-day hyperfixation and had to do it :')

rating: teen+ ⠀ words: 2.7k

pairing: denspa 🇩🇰🇪🇦

read below or over here on ao3!

Antonio was meant to leave with Arthur and Francis. That had been the deal; Arthur and Francis, who lived with Antonio elsewhere on campus, were meant to have made sure all three of them—sober or not—made it back to their own flat. 

Yet, somehow, Antonio had not left with Arthur and Francis. He had, instead, vanished entirely—both from the get-together everyone was having in the flat that Mikkel, Gilbert, and Alfred shared, and from everyone’s minds, too. 

The six of them had gathered to celebrate the end of a short period of examinations. They had decided to stay on campus rather than go into town for two reasons: firstly, because it would be cheaper to stay home, and secondly, because it would be… cheaper to stay home. That had been enough reasoning. Gilbert and Arthur had been placed in charge of sourcing the alcohol—beers, vodka, rum, and even a horrifying bottle of absinthe, of all things—while the others had collected the snacks, seen to music, and planned the games. 

Seven hours after they had started, the small party had gradually come to an end. To begin with, at about 2am, Francis had dragged Arthur back off home, the blonde a bumbling mess, blabbering on and on about some guy he’d become a bit obsessed with in recent weeks. Then Alfred had called it a night about half an hour later (understandably; he had to wake up early for some sporting event he was participating in and wanted at least four hours!). And then, after perhaps another hour (at least) of them sitting together in the kitchen, finishing off the beer bottles that remained, Gilbert and Mikkel had decided that… going to bed was not such a bad idea. They would clean when they woke up.

It was that action of going to bed, however, that ended up extending Mikkel’s night a bit more than expected.

When he entered his bedroom with the sole intention of lying down on his bed and instantly crashing out, nothing seemed amiss. In fact, nothing seemed amiss until Mikkel waltzed up to his lovely, comfy bed, and flopped down onto it—only to hit a pretty solid lump that he hadn’t seen in the darkness. 

Mikkel ended up bouncing onto the floor, sending his head for a spin and his stomach churning away. The lump on the bed, in the meantime, groaned and whined and stirred, the mattress equally as noisy. 

An explanation escaped him. Had Mikkel… walked into the wrong room? Had he just jumped on Alfred? The kid’s feeling rough enough without you trying to squish him! Such a concern sobered him up ever so slightly; he picked himself up off the floor, using the bedside table to support, and he fumbled for the switch to the university-provided table lamp which, as soon as he found it, then lit up the room.

Not everyone was glad for the fact.

“Nooooo, turn it back oooooff!”

Mikkel was stunned. Stumped. He stared at the lump on the bed—indeed his bed, in his room—and was faced not with Alfred, but with Antonio. Who he had… honestly forgotten had neither left on his own, nor with his own flatmates…

Oops.

But why the fuck was he in Mikkel’s room?

There was only one way to find out:

“Toni?”

He received a drawled, gruff groan.

“Why the fuck are you in my room?”

Straight to the point! Gilbert would be proud!

Mikkel propped himself up on the edge of his mattress, still not quite feeling up to standing (he was feeling a little icky thanks to the mixture of alcohol and shock), and observed as the other did his best drunken impression of a teenager refusing to wake up on a school morning. Or maybe it wasn't an impression, so much as a recreation—a role reprisal. (Antonio seemed the type). He lay on his front, tucked up and hiding away under his own arms, shielding himself from the light. Mikkel would not be deterred.

"C'mon," he said, grabbing the nearest limp limb to him and slowly pulling it away from Antonio's face to grab the other's attention, "it’s not your bed! What are you even doing here still?"

"’M trynna sleep, s’go away,” Antonio protested, snatching his arm back.

But there wasn’t much force behind the words, mostly because Antonio seemed to be both off his face and utterly exhausted at the same time. He was going to be absolutely wrecked in a few hours’ time, no doubt about it! 

Nevertheless, having him holding Mikkel’s bed hostage was not exactly the ideal situation to be in. So Mikkel tried again to grab the other’s arms and encourage him (perhaps not so gently, but then he was hardly sober himself) to move, in the hopes that he could syphon him onto Gilbert, instead. (It would hardly be the first time the two of them had shared a bed, after all!).

Despite his attempts, however, Antonio would not budge. In fact, not only did he not budge, but he also retaliated, suddenly sitting up to yank Mikkel down onto the bed with an unanticipated strength that surprised the blonde so much, he didn’t quite realise what the drunken Antonio had done until it was too late. Because when Mikkel’s head stopped shaking and the room stopped spinning (again), Mikkel found that a certain someone had latched onto him, and was making himself comfortable once more. He was now sandwiched between mattress and mate.

This was… This was a bit, uhh…

“Toni…?”

“Don’ start complaining, your bed is comfy…”

Mikkel would agree. However: “You’re lying on me right now.”

“Yeah, well… You’re comfy, too…”

And just like that, Mikkel lost the willpower to argue. Antonio had made himself at home, holding onto him as though they were more than friends (which was, ha, which was uhh… totally a ridiculous thought, Mikkel knew that!), legs tangled with legs and hands tucked underneath the blonde just to make sure he couldn’t escape.

This was not a situation that Mikkel had ever expected to find himself in. Yet, he didn’t really… he didn’t hate it, or hate Antonio for it. It wasn’t not nice. It wasn’t bad, or gross. He just… hadn’t thought that this would be how the night would end.

Antonio was breathing gently, lightly. His eyes were firmly closed and he genuinely seemed to be trying to sleep. He was also frowning ever so slightly—the residue of the half-conscious arguing he had done—but that only made him look more cu—

No. No. They were friends. Friends were… off-limits. Thoughts like that could cause trouble.  

(Mikkel said, as if it were a rule they all abided by, when in fact, only he and Alfred were the only ones who hadn’t slept with someone else in the sextet. Probably. Well…).

But even so, it was… hard to look away, to not notice the steady relaxing of the brows, the squished cheek, the light nuzzling, the rub of leg against leg, body against body. Was it weird to focus on those things? Was it weird for him to look at Antonio, who he’d only really known for half a year or so, and think, the tired grumpy thing is kinda… cute…?

It was more than that, though. It was more than the grumpiness, or the fact that they were both just very, very drunk.

Mikkel and Antonio, as the previous few months had demonstrated, got on like a house of fire. Both were deemed the ‘idiots’ of the friendship group. They were the ones with good intentions, the kind words, the thoughtful actions, the ‘simultaneously childish but also incredibly adult-rated’ senses of humour, the adventurous tastes. They were the first ones to say ‘yes’. They were the first ones to turn up at an event. They were the loyal ones, the goofy ones, the ones who, when the six of them had formed their group, the others all thought were either taking something or trying way too hard to deflect from some imaginary traumatic backstory. The cheek of it!

In essence, they were… quite alike. Mikkel would be lying if he said he didn’t like that about Antonio. Because he liked the other’s energy, the unyielding enthusiasm, the way he would happily sit and listen to you talk about literally any random topic even if he was clueless (because he enjoyed learning), and the way he smiled in the meantime…

Okay, so, maybe Mikkel was already familiar with those pesky thoughts—the ones that made him wonder what the rules of friendship—their friendship, as a group of six—truly entailed. Of all the others in the group, he seemed to click with Antonio in a more specific way. They would go on early morning walks before lessons had even started. Or they would stay up late in the library in a two-person study group long after the others had gone back to their flats. Antonio would supply the caffeine, and Mikkel would bring the food. It had become a sort of… unspoken agreement.

What else is unspoken between us…?

“Mm… Mik…?”

Mikkel glanced back down at Antonio, caught off-guard. “Y-Yeah?”

“‘M gonna… throw up…”

That was not good. “You feel sick?” Mikkel pressed, now carefully trying to lift Antonio off of him without accidentally making him feel worse, with the intention of helping him get to the en-suite so that, if he really did vomit, he did so into the toilet and not over his nice clean bed. “C’mon,” he urged, “let’s go to the bathroom.”

A groan came from Antonio, as was expected, but he did surprisingly actually move again and sit up. He looked rough. Mikkel had a feeling that it wouldn’t get better any time soon.

Getting him from the bed to the bathroom was a bit of an effort, even if it was only a couple metres away (the beauty of small dorm rooms). Antonio was nowhere near steady on his feet (perhaps a side effect of both the drink, but also how tired he seemed) and Mikkel, magically still not sober, did not really enjoy the struggle of making sure no one tripped or fell or hit themselves on a wall or door as the went from linoleum to tile.

Luckily for him, then, they made it without incident. Antonio was still feeling sick—he made that quite clear—but he made it to the toilet bowl without actually throwing up. And even then, as he sort of plonked down onto the floor and leaned on the toilet, there was no immediate action—no immediate sign that he would indeed throw up. Mikkel was counting his blessings.

“I can, uh… get you some water,” he offered, unsure of what else to do in the meantime. He might as well then grab a glass for himself as well; his future self would thank him. 

He received, to his relief, a feeble nod. Mikkel assured Antonio that he’d be back in a moment, patting the other’s shoulder and rising to his feet to head to the kitchen—only, as soon as he reached the door, the vomiting began. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Instantly turning on his heel, Mikkel knelt back down next to Antonio and did the only thing that came to mind for this sort of situation: he set his hand to the other’s back, and rubbed in those gentle, slow circles. He wasn’t sure how much it would help, but… it was the best he could think to do. He hardly wanted to walk out on him…

Yet, just as Mikkel was debating doing exactly that, as the wretching paused and Antonio was trying (poorly) to compose himself, so he could grab the other some water, footsteps appeared from the corridor. The next thing he knew, Gilbert was standing in the bathroom doorway. Sleep clung to him, too, the German rubbing his eye while trying to assess the scene—not that it took long for him to understand what was going on. 

“I didn’t realise he was still here, the idiot,” Gilbert tutted, before asking Mikkel: “D’you need a hand?”

“Uhh, yeah, actually,” Mikkel replied with a nod. Next to him, Antonio shuffled and shifted, propping himself up more on the toilet bowl as though readying for a second round. “Can you get some water?” he pressed. “He’ll thank us tomorrow.”

Gilbert concurred and went off to the kitchen, allowing Mikkel to stay behind and keep an eye on Antonio, lest he pass out and hit his head or something like that. Too many bad scenarios, too many bad possibilities. God forbid he go to bed later on and end up choking on his own vo—

It wasn’t even worth thinking about.

Mikkel continued to rub the other’s back, waiting to see if he would start throwing up again. In the meantime, Gilbert promptly returned and the cup of water was set aside for Antonio when he needed it—a moment that came maybe ten minutes later, when, after that second round did eventually come, Antonio was a bit more coherent and awake. He drank slowly. He drank begrudgingly (and at one point, even seemed ready to throw up again just from the water, so Gilbert took the cup away again). And all the while, Mikkel did not stop his ministrations—did not stop trying to comfort him.

“I think,” Gilbert eventually said, breaking the silence that had befallen them, “that maybe he should come back to my room with me.”

Mikkel was somewhat reluctant. “I don’t see why,” he returned (not sure why he was even protesting). “He’s okay, he just needs some rest.”

“Yeah, exactly. My room has that little sofa thing in it,” his friend reasoned, however, “so I can sleep on that, and Toni can have the bed. That way, everyone has a good chance at getting some actual sleep tonight.”

It made sense. If Antonio stayed, he and Mikkel would have to cram onto his bed again, and that may not have been comfortable (was it uncomfortable earlier on, though…?). Meanwhile, if Gilbert had the space, and was willing to keep an eye on Antonio (they are kinda closer than you and Antonio are…) then perhaps it was for the best. 

In the end, it was what they all agreed to do.

With Antonio more or less okay, the tear stains on his face aside, both Mikkel and Gilbert helped him back up onto his feet. He felt awful—kept on apologising, because some sobriety had finally hit him, and he apparently hated that he had invaded Mikkel’s space like that—but they assured him that it was fine. What mattered was that he was feeling better. It put a meek smile on Antonio’s face to hear it, and with that, Gilbert suggested that they leave Mikkel to it so he could get some sleep.

“Yeah,” Antonio agreed, “yeah, I just…” He paused, and looked back at Mikkel. His smile eased. “Thanks. For… putting up with me.”

Mikkel gave a weak smile back. “No problem,” he replied. “Any, uh… Any time…”

The exchange of smiles and unspoken words lasted only a few seconds beyond that. Watching him leave with Gilbert, even if they were only going to the room right next door, was not such an easy task as he had expected it to be. Mikkel couldn’t keep an eye on him, now. He didn’t have the reassurance that Antonio would indeed wake up feeling okay, or better, or hungover, or if he would continue to suffer through the night. He has Gilbert, though, he also tried to remind himself, and Gilbert was one of the ‘mum friends’ (as much as he denied it), so he knew what he was doing. Mikkel would not interfere. He couldn’t.

After a quick clean up, flushing and then bleaching the toilet thrice over (just in case), Mikkel was finally able to lie down in bed. As soon as he hit the mattress, all of his energy seemed to vanish, and he was glad, in a way, that there was no one there clinging to him, keeping him warm, keeping him company, keeping him…

He rolled onto his side. From under his head, he pulled one of the pillows he didn’t really need, and he held it close to him, against his chest, tucked below his chin. Sleep found him fast like that. He hoped Antonio was… just as fortunate. Just as relaxed. And far, far less conflicted… 

[west-tokyo-incidents]

Too many thoughts too little time.

I'm just gonna vomit dump all my ideas up in one spot maybe it'll help me focus.

If there's a ship you don't like you can just skip over that part.

Mizho/Fussa

The band gets together and Fussa backs off Mizho pretty much entirely, considering she was originally only doing so for The Money(tm) and that's changed. Mizho's grateful for it... at first. Mizho's pretty openly a lesbian and now 20, Rage and Paresse have been together for a while now, and Fussa, with three supportive queer bandmates around her, finally comes out as trans. It takes Mizho quite a bit to wrap her head around it.

Fussa decides to dress up just a bit more fem one day and asks for Mizho's help. Fussa has her hair down, just a casual blouse and jeans... and Mizho offers to do her makeup and suddenly they're very close and Mizho's heart is in her fucking throat as her brain finally gets with the program and registers Fussa as a woman and suddenly she realizes she has a thing for older women.

Insert soft bumbling mumbles about how Fussa should dress up more often and excusing herself when they're done... proceeding to go have gay panic 2.0 while frantically texting the boys; [WHAT DO??? PRETTY LADY???? IM FUCKING??? LESBIANS???]

Paresse/Rage

Rage's first break down since becoming human. He's a fucking mess and yelling at Paresse, even as he's being held and ugly crying. Mizho and Fussa not quite sure what to do, but Paresse just... instinctively trying everything he knows to calm him down. And both of them slowly realizing how much they care about the other.

They settle on best friends for a while.

Paresse does his best to be 'okay'. He has more energy and over exerts himself for the other three as if he has to make up for what he couldn't do as a robot. Paresse with a caretaker complex, even if he's arguably one of the most traumatized of the band. Eventually, it does break him down, too, but it's more quiet and Rage ends up repeating a few of the phrases Paresse has said to him countless times... and they realize what they have isn't a friendship, it's something much different.

Fussa/Paresse

Vice dies, early on. Paresse steps up suddenly as the ultimate evil. No one believes it when he is the one calling for a meeting. Only Jealousy shows up and Paresse goes to yank every last one of his other new subordinates out of their homes to drag them to the meeting.

Fussa finds this particularly terrifying and cannot explain why it makes her FUCKING hard. Paresse, having copied Jealousy's heart reading, picks up on it immediately and uses it to his advantage. Fussa is very blatantly against following Vice, but Vice is gone. And Paresse would very much like to have her loyalty. And so manipulates her based on her fear and arousal and turns her and Rage into his personal playthings.

Vice/Rage

Rage fawning after Vice as douji in the way an obsessed henchman in a video game fawns over their supervillain master... except Rage has money and loves to occasionally buy shit for Vice. He doesn't say anything more other than some shit like, 'got it on a whim' or 'forgot I already had one you can have this one'.

Vice knows exactly who the gifts come from, but cannot fucking fathom why other than maybe Rage is trying to buy his favor so Vice won't kill him? That's gotta be it, right?

Except the gifts don't stop when they become human. He offers Vice the body guard job... and suddenly Vice is the henchman, in a way. The band gets drunk, celebrating a milestone, Vice is on duty.

Suddenly Mizho whispers something to Rage and the next thing Vice knows is an alcohol-wet pair of lips on his.

Mizho/Rage

Two curious teenagers who grow into a fucking power couple like the world has never seen before. May or may not kill people behind the scenes for a while after the douji become human to satiate their own bloodlust. They're an open relationship but god help the person who tries to get between them. Just general metal goth couple GOALS.

Mizho/Paresse

Generally angsty shit. Both chasing after Michel in their own ways. All around unhealthy. Also an excuse to write v on v sex. Could become healthy if they talk any of their shit out but... they're sloth. Good luck with that. Mostly I wanna write cooch grinding.

[hannahhook7744]

Wasted Potential in disney descendants part 3;

Summary; final part of the wasted potential series for now. In this part, I will be going over the Ak (Auardon Kids)'s wasted potential in descendants.

There was alot of wasted potential in disney's Descendants but I think the Aks were affected by it the most-- If you can believe that. And I'm here to discuss their wasted potential, starting with....

Chad. Prince of not alot of there-there here had alot of potential that went to waste. He's Cinderella and Prince Charming's son yet a bully and we never see a hint of his parents in him. There has to be a story there. Has to be a reason why he is the way he is. Yet Disney never touched upon why he's like that other than implying that's he spoiled. They could have explored his motivations a bit more. Could have touched on his friendships with the other main aks and showed us or explained where it all went wrong. They could have had him talking to mice like his mother or shown us him willing to do anything for those he loves like his father, yet they didn't. They could have made him the villian in d3 instead of AUDREY (which would have made more sense in my opinion) but again, they didn't. They could have had a friend turned villian gunning for the crown and redeemed Audrey (not that she needed much redeeming in my opinion) alongside the sea 3 while trying to take him down or bring him back to the light side. Or they could have had him actually meet Dizzy and realize the error of his ways. Could have shown us a character actually changing and sticking to it. He could have gone on to be a model or a pro sports player before eventually finding love and taking over his family's kingdom. Had him become an adult who learned from his mistakes and was ashamed of what he had done. Or they could have made him and Audrey an actual couple trying to make it work with them both treating eachother right. Or, you know, at least not made light of what Audrey did to him in d3 when he's clearly claustrophobic. They could have develed into that fear more gracefully and had him redeem himself by helping to stop Audrey. But no. Istead of doing any of that disney disappointingly decided to just turn him into the stereotypical ,ditzy, spoiled, womanizing yet cowardly one dimensional jock. And that's just sad when you think about all the possibilities of what this character could have turned into. But I guess if a character isn't Mal then the descendants writers just don't care. It's a shame, really. He could have been a really cool character-- like Arthur from Merlin. But in the end he was just reduced to a boring, overdone stereotype. But moving on...

To Mal's boyfriend. Ben. King Benjamin Florian Beast. He had way too much wasted potential. He was a sweet dude who deserved so much more credit and screentime than he got. He could have been a great king, spreading so much joy and change. He could have helped the vks more like he wanted to. He could have been deemed a hero for his actions but he wasn't. Mal got almost all the credit and his proclamation was pushed off repeatedly. He was repeatedly disrespected by everyone around him and he was reduced to nothing more than Mal's bumbling boyfriend who is a plot device whenever we need a damsel in distress or a catalyst for Mal to do something good because she can't possible do anything good on her own without Ben being in danger. This kid was a bookworm, a sweetheart, a dreamer, a jock, and a negotiator, and a damn good boyfriend and friend when he wasn't being naive, spelled, and stressed out of his fucking mind. And they just threw all of that out the window in favor of making Mal and the core four look good. And in the process they made him look bad. They never showed him apologizing to Audrey (not that the blame was fully on him, mind you. He's a teenage boy who figured that she didn't really take their relationship seriously since she hooked up with Chad immediately after all and he was, ya know, spelled) but still. They could have at least had a scene in the movies that people watched of him mentioning that he didn't think Audrey took their relationship and break up that hard or seriously so he'd look less bad when people thought about it. But no. They choose to make him look like a naive dick. Also they made him completely stressed out by taking away any fricking hobby he had (making him much more of an adult than they had the right to at his age) and it watered down his fricking character by doing so. Also, let the fucking boy where clothes other than a suit; he looks so much more comfortable in the clothes he wore in wicked world, in his fucking boxers, in his variesty jacket, and in the fucking pole he wore in d3 than in any of the other outfits they put him in. He looks so uncomfortable in all of the other ones and it makes me feel horrible for him because it makes me think he's wearing them all the time, not because he wants to but because he has to. And that's awful. They could have had him looking like an actual teenage king with hobbies like reading and sports and other things he would have liked like inventing or something-- anything literally that's more relaxing than just having him do kingly stuff and boyfriend stuff 24/7. But they didn't . They just made him the bumbling love interest with no sense and I hate it. So much. Our boy deserved so much better.

Doug. Evie's boyfriend. The son of Dopey and the younger brother of thr musclely dwarf, Derek. The 2nd ak to fully accept the vks with no problem. The boy to stand up for Evie when no one else did. The boy who believed her when she denied cheating on him and supported her with no problem. And one of the most underused, misunderstood, and disliked characters in the series who had so much wasted potential. This boy was a band and chemistry geek who could speak Spanish and do accounting of all things. We've seen him play multiple instruments and do so much for Evie. But not much else. Leaving many people to feel like he's a pointless or useless character-- something I don't agree with. One thing I do agree with though, is that Disney did our man dirty. Sure, they included him minorly in all 3 movies and the school of secrets. But he wasn't in wicked world or the books as far as I know. They barely if at all showed us his relationship with his family beyond a phone call and a couple of throw away lines. And they didn't develop his relationship with Evie and his friends as much as I would have liked. They didn't show us much of his interests or really devel into his character at all. They could have given him a bigger part or had him stand up for Evie a second time on family day. They could have shown us him being an inventor or played into his interest of magic by having him help Evie learn how to use her magic. Could have had him be an advocate for the vks alongside Ben as well as given him a bigger part in the songs since he's majorly musically inclined. They could have had him make the smoke bombs in d2 or had Evie at least tell him what they were doing so he could be of some help. Had him distract the adults so no one noticed Ben was gone. But they didn't. They just left him standing on the outside waiting for a chance on the inside while giving us hints on who he is. The nerdy but loving musican boyfriend who he is who sees the best in most people and sees them for who they are, not what others see them as. The kid who tries to reassure his loved ones and has flaws but always tries to make up for them. The kid who loves his girlfriend so much that he doesn't rush her on saying the L word while helping her with her business. The kid who tried to warn the daughter of his family's enemy away from the school fuck boy when he didn't have to. The kid who had no problem staying with the newly arrived vks to help them find their rooms. The kid who watched the much younger vks in d3 with no complaint. The boy who takes his girlfriend's wishes into consideration when they have to split up to find fg in d3. And the boy who in school of secrets was clumsy and apologetic to his date who broke her arm who also was preparing for the vks to show up alongside Audrey and Ben. The one who listened to Audrey's ideas when Ben barely was. And they never showed us anything more. Which is just a shame.

Then we have Lonnie, who was done dirty in so many ways. She's a character who shows that girls can be feminine and badass. She's a character who shows that not all characters are flat and one dimensional. She has so many interests-- sword-fighting, baking, hip hop, hip hop dancing, hair, etc. And she didn't just immediately fall for Jay's looks or act completely different when/if she did. She was one of the few kids who tried to know the vks and tried to relate to them. She went with them to go help Ben and she supported his proclamation. She was obviously the one behind the whole school of secrets scandal thing and she apparently is good at stealing. And she has a good heart and family life with a brother she gets along with.. a brother who is also into hip hop and sword fighting who is an assistant coach yet the descendants writers chose to barely do ANYTHING with this information. They make her seem airhead, don't mention her interests that often in the movies, and they don't push her relationship with the vks much further. She wants to have a talkshow about culture and family yet they can't fucking get her clothes, name, and other aspects of her fucking culture right! Her name is a German name. Her brother's name is a disgrace in her culture. She wears Japanese clothes not Chinese ones. They make her hair lighter in d1 and longer when it didn't need to be (who'd chose brown hair over black?!) and they have the audacity to practically diss her mom in the two fucking movies she was in by having auardon have the sexist sport issue and by having the vks act like they have no fucking clue who Mulan is. Plus they continue to deny her father is li shang by not listing him as her father when her brother literally shares the exact same fucking name. What a fucking joke. Oh and they act like she wouldn't have met Yi-Min before the events of Lonnie's Warrior Sword. Like EXCUSE ME?! Yao, the other two warriors, and their wives the princesses (who I will not act like don't exist because of the no sequel canon rule that disney fucking made up, thank you very much) are probably the only friends Mulan ever had. They fought in a war together and did drag together. And you're telling me that the saviors of fucking China wouldn't keep in touch and be friends?! That their children wouldn't at least know eachother? Nah, that is a whole another level of BULLSHIT and I am tired of the disrespect disney keeps putting on our favorite characters. Mulan is a badasss warrior queen and so is Merida and I am pissed that disney fucking disrespected both of them in and outside of this flim. And that they did the same to Lonnie by not making her relationships with the vks more important and by not mentioning her AT ALL IN D3. Wtf disney. I will fight you over this. You could have made her more of a multilayered character for the little girls like her. You could have made her more of an advocate for the vks. You could have shown us another positive familial relationship on the aks side instead of having all of the hero parents look like absent parents. You could have given her a mention in d3 or her talk show. You could have dine your research but you didn't. And I'm very disappointed in you for not attempting to do the bare minimum for her character.

Now on to Princess Audrey. Who I've talked about various times. She is one of the few POC we see in descendants. And they turned her character from a nice if not slightly clingy and narcissistic young girl to a spoiled mean girl with no depth. They didn't mention her cousin or parents at all. Didn't call out her grandmother for being a horrible fucking person at all. Didn't touch on the obvious generational trauma, neglect, and emotional/verbal/mental abuse this poor girl was put through. They had her broken up with the worst possible way. They made her character something people hate and never had the vks or Ben apologize early on for what they did. Because believe it or not, Ben wasn't the best boyfriend to Audrey. And yes, I understand he's a teenage boy but good boyfriends usually don't completely dismiss the worries their partners have. Most good boyfriends don't fail to tell their girlfriend about something big like he did with his proclamation when it concerns them (which it did whether you like it or not because at that point most people probably thought that Audrey was gonna be the queen). And most good boyfriends don't humiliate their girlfriend by breaking up with them in front of two whole schools and not apologize later (I know it wasn't his fault but Audrey didn't know that. Put yourself in her shoes and think how you'd feel during that scene). Then they had her friends (because it was heavily implied was friends with the other main aks) clap and smile while she was humiliated. While their other friend went to kiss another girl after just dumping her in the most humiliating way. No one stood up for her. No one looked pissed. Of course she was gonna try and hurt him by immediately throwing herself at another boy (who happened to be a mutual friend). Was it right? No. But does it and her behavior towards Mal who has practically been flirting with her boyfriend right in front of her since she got out if the Limo make sense? Yes. Was she a little harsh during her first interactions with the vks especially Evie? Yes. But if you've watched school of secrets you know that Ben was way more focused on his proclamation than his relationship with Audrey which would make grown women insecure and hurt, let alone a teenager. And it had been going on for weeks at least at that point. So of course she was gonna be resentful and snap at the girl (evie) who had just attempted to flirt with her boyfriend. Also guess who was the one to suggest the candy and limo for the vks ride over? Ben? Nope. In school of secrets it's revealed Audrey was the one who suggested it to Doug. Who was also working on the welcoming committee for the vks. Yet Disney didn't share this with us in the movies. Didn't make it common knowledge and made her the villian of d3, completely demolishing her character development from the end of the first movie, the books, and the show wicked world. Congratulations disney, you fucked up and made yourself look worse. Hope your happy.

And finally we're onto Jane. Fairy Godmother's daughter and Carlos's girlfriend who we barely know anything about. Descendants did her so dirty. She is a fucking fairy who was forbidden from using magic. They didn't even give her wings. Like why? This lady deserved magic and disney should have given it to her since Mal continued to use magic throughout the entire series. That rule/law should have been amended so little Jane could have her birth right in the 2nd or 3rd movie at least. Like come on, Benny Boo, you're king now. Fuck what anyone else says and get rid of that racist/ anti-Semitic shit. Because that's exactly what it is. That rule/law is prejudice against magic people and there is no other way to spin it. They also don't give her much personality which I despise. This is the girl who ends up being Carlos's girlfriend. She was the mascot, became a cheerleader, and was on the welcoming committee and practically played the role of Ben's advisor in some areas. She was on decorating committee. She was smart enough to escape the sleep spell in d3 and help unbeastafy Ben. In school of secrets, she snapped at a fucking girl who thought the vks shouldn't be allowed in Auardon during a debate. And they didn't touch on any of this, gave us a bad impression of fairy godmother, and did barely anything for this cinnamon role. And they practically implied that girls like her - meek, shy, skittish with short hair and few friends- were ugly by having her get the long hair back after d1. Also they had her dress like a child most of the time which is kinda cringy in my opinion unless she actually liked the style. Which she didn't seem to. That's only in the first movie though. But seriously, why did they make a big deal out of her needing that hair to look beautiful when she was already beautiful? Why did they make it seem like the way she was in d1 was the worst thing ever when I know plenty of shy, quiet, meek people in real life who are awesome and funny. Why did they rush her relationship with Carlos while giving them barely any screen time and not even hinting that they liked eachother more? And why doesn't she get her birth right when Mal gets it and uses it and practically abuses it all throughout the series? How is that fair?

All of these kids deserved better. Each and everyone of the aks and vks deserved better and I'm not at all happy they didn't get it. And to the neigh sayers who think I'm exaggerating how uncomfortable Ben looks in his clothes. Look here;

Look. Does he look comfortable to you. Because he reminds me of a child forced to dress into suit or a dress for a wedding, funeral, or church. Aka uncomfortable, forcing smile, annoyed, and like he'd rather be in anything else. Now let's look at his other clothes to see what he looks more comfortable in.

Now look at his non suit outfits; what does he look more comfortable into you? Also can Ben please wear more colours than just blue and yellow ughhhh. Belle and Adam in their movies had even more colours! Belle wore: Blue, Green, red, pink, yellow, white. Adam wore: purple/plum , dull dark blue, maroon.)

[captainkirkk]

// no way home spoilers

So how do we feel about Peter returning to his Spider-Man roots: young, broke, lonely, and likely clinging to Spider-Man as a coping mechanism. Because I feel a lot of things

I like it A LOT

It's been my biggest gripe with MCU. Peter hasn't felt like Peter; he's felt like Billionaire-Hero Tony Stark's Bumbling Apprentice. I do think Tony would meddle considering the MCU's timeline/population (esp considering the fact that the Civil War happened early on in Spider-Man's career). HOWEVER, it stripped Peter of a core aspect of his character. He's the underdog. He's the Normal Everyday Guy with the world's worst luck, who's trying to do the right thing, even though it's hard and he doesn't always get it right.

Marvel tried to balance Tony's influence out by emphasising Peter's teenage-ness, but IMO it didn't really work. The world is always working against Peter (re: Parker Luck), but in the first two MCU movies, it felt... It felt kind of like the whole world was talking down to him, and they were justified in doing it. The Adults Were Right - until they weren't and Peter bled to show them better. And even then, the narrative justified it! Peter needed the wake up call. He needed his priorities re-assessed. He was too wrapped up in the glitz of heroism, the fame, the technology - and that's not Peter Parker. Yes, he can be selfish and make mistakes. We saw that in No Way Home, when he almost shattered their reality - but he did it because he was worried about his friends. Not himself. He almost killed a man, but it was from a place of grief. Not because he was star-struck.

AND WE GOT HIS GRIEF BACK. When they erased Uncle Ben, they took away Peter's grief, the bedrock that so much of his love and his drive and his anger comes from. Without it, his mistakes felt flimsier. Shallower.

Before No Way Home, Peter had friends, and money, and Tony Stark/SHIELD breathing down his neck, telling him how to be a hero. Peter wasn't being a hero for the love of his city, or for his grief, or for any of his typical reasons; he was doing it to prove something.

Don't get me wrong, Peter Parker is a deeply flawed character. He can be selfish, angry, egotistical, etc. Like you said, clinging to Spider-Man to cope! That's him! But his character had been reduced to Tony Stark's Kid, with all the bells and whistles that came with it. It took away all the important parts of him: his financial issues, his grief, his isolation, the way he floundered and made the wrong decisions, etc.

TL;DR So yes, I think it's great and makes Peter finally feel like Peter again. Don't get me wrong, it was sad and my love for found family is screaming (Ned and MJ!!!!!!) BUT as a character choice? I love it

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

Quick break from our regularly scheduled Yuumori posting for me to rave about Sasaki and Miyano (specifically the anime).

This series makes me soooooo very very very happy. I imagine I’ll come back to this anime again and again.  

I love the colours, the music, the geometric shape confetti, the cat. It’s all so pretty and happy.

I love the breakdown of BL tropes and cliches, and for that matter romance tropes and cliches in general. 

I love the friendships the leads have with other characters, the way they interact with each other’s friends, the way the friends interact with each other: the way their relationship broadens their world instead of shrinking it. 

I love the communication: that Sasaki confesses his feelings early on, and Miyano not only asks for time to think about it but also checks in twice(?) to ask for more time, letting Sasaki know that he hasn’t just decided to ignore the issue, he really is thinking about it. I love that they bond over their hobbies, and give new hobbies a chance when it’s something the other likes, and are also honest when they think something might not be for them (ie Sasaki with novels vs manga) while still giving things a try anyway. 

I love that the central conflict (such as it is), at least of what the anime covers, is essentially two characters trying so hard not to hurt each other that they sometimes bumble into hurting each other a little bit because of it.

Sasaki is a teenage boy in love for the first time. He’s like a soda bottle that’s been shaken up and is about to burst. I like that the aspect of sexual frustration is there but never feels overly focused on. As someone well into adulthood, I don't like consuming high school romances that feel like they’re somehow fetishizing early sexual discovery, but in this it's just a part of the whole that feels very natural, a normal and healthy aspect of first love.

He’s just a big, silly, sweet kid who is absolutely bubbling over with wanting to touch and hug and gush over his crush. But he’s so keenly aware of boundaries: he knows he has a possessive streak but that that does not mean he owns Miyano, and he knows that him wanting to touch does not mean he’s allowed to touch. And he slips up sometimes, because he’s young and inexperienced and overflowing with affection and desperate pining. But he always catches himself, apologizes, and then beats himself up over it far more than Miyano actually needs or wants him too. 

As for Miyano, I interpret him as going through the exact experience I did around that age: being a bisexual kid who does not realize bisexuality is a thing. (Literally was 17/18 before I even found out anything but gay/straight existed, then all the lights came on...wonders of being a very cloistered 90s kid.) He knows that he liked a girl, and now he thinks he might like a guy, but he’s confused by having liked a girl before. I so remember the weirdness of I know I like boys, so I can’t be gay, so this feeling towards girls must be admiration/envy, right? He’s sooo determined to not hurt Sasaki: he will not treat him as an experiment or enter a relationship on a maybe. He understands how much Sasaki likes him, and he refuses to take advantage of that as a way of resolving his own confusion. 

And all of that means that Miyano sometimes feels like Sasaki treats him too delicately, and Sasaki is absolutely dying from waiting. They’re both being so sweet and tangling themselves up so much but also just continually enjoying spending time together even while they figure the rest out, and the resolution is so satisfying and sincere and I adore all of it. 

And now, back to endless Sherliam meta and shitposting.