#he's got bright shining moments where that development does shine through but most of it is just painful to watch.

[startanewdream]

The road home

Summary: Lily watches Harry and Ginny finding their way back to each other following the end of the war.

Note: For @madhulika18, who asked for more Hinny moments as seen by James and Lily. I could never decide if this is really part of Eyes Glistening (because Harry and Ginny have drama really, and I don't like them having drama), but it works either way, so I hope you enjoy these moments (also, I have a soft spot for Lily and Harry talking, so...)

_______

It’s all about the words that aren’t being said.

Once, a long time ago, Lily lived that with James. But it was different and, though, of course, it didn’t seem like that at the time, it was easier too. Her problems were unknowing her feelings, not understanding why she enjoyed his company and why she craved his smile, his light. She had fancied him for a long time before she understood what it was what she really felt for him — and until then it was only her heart beating faster when they would touch each other without meaning too (a brush of hands, sitting together closer than necessary), enjoying the perfume he’d left on his trace, finding excuses to be with him.

But after she had understood what she felt for him, somehow it had been easy. Awkward, sure, that first date when she was feeling stupid near him — until she remembered this was James, and being with him was good and blissful and then kissing him had felt as natural as breathing —, but there was never a question about how they felt about each other, never doubts that they would be together.

They had fought over many things, until they perfected the art of compromising, of understanding each other’s view, but there was never a breakup, never something that really kept them apart.

They are lucky on this, she knows.

Especially when she sees the look on Harry’s face, the way his eyes can’t help but follow Ginny as she walks around between the tables of the Great Hall, stopping to share words with her friends.

They haven’t talked yet. Lily knows this because Harry was gone with Ron and Hermione after the battle and then he slept for a full day. When he woke up, he called his parents and they talked then — the most difficult conversation Lily had ever had in her life and the one she knew she needed most. She and James. They needed to understand what had happened, why it had cost Harry’s life and what it had meant, but nothing had really prepared her to know her son had died.

Only the thought of it sends shivers through her body.

Harry is fine now, having come down to the Great Hall to lunch; there are fewer people at Hogwarts two days after the Battle, so they manage to find a place for them to sit quietly. It’s almost peaceful.

Except Harry is clearly not at peace.

‘Go talk to her,’ she whispers to him, and Harry turns to her with those eyes that are full of ghosts lately — he has seen and lived and died too much.

‘She doesn’t want me,’ he answers, breathing heavily as if the words are physically hurting him.

‘How do you know?’ James asks, exchanging a confused look with Lily.

‘Because she hasn’t come to talk to me.’

Lily thinks Harry didn’t go to her either, so maybe this is just a case of miscommunication. But she doesn’t say anything, because she believes things have to happen at the right time. And she has been watching Ginny too; every time Harry looks the other way, she glances in his direction, an expression on her face that Lily cannot understand exactly.

It seems to be ablaze.

_______

Later, Lily will define it as a dance where the dancers aren’t supposed to touch each other but still they synchronize their steps perfectly.

It’s unnerving, really, and she doesn’t know how they are really managing it, but if there is a quality she could attribute to both Harry and Ginny is stubbornness.

They can’t ignore each other, not really, not with how much they encounter each other — funerals and homages and dinners over the Burrow and rebuilding Hogwarts —, so instead they adopt a sort of relationship that’s just a shadow of how much they got along together.

Lily saw them before they even dated or had acknowledged their feelings for each other, and Harry and Ginny had shined together with chemistry as if they were two ingredients in a potion that demanded to be together. It was only friendship but there was sparkle and understanding and compassion and brightness. Lily remembers thinking that even if they didn’t develop romantic feelings for each other, they were truly soulmates.

And this is just one of the reasons why their current formal courtesy with each other bothers her so much. If they wanted to be only friends, there wasn’t much she could do. But they are not even friends lately, just two people who had gone through so much and hadn’t been able to share anything with each other despite wanting very much.

That’s the other thing that annoys her. They want more. Both of them.

She knows Harry, of course — he shares the same expressions and he wears his feelings on the same sleeve Lily does, so it’s easy —, and Lily likes to think she knows Ginny too, for the times they met, for all they’ve talked and for the fact that Ginny is usually blatant on her feelings when they are at the edge.

Usually. This time, it seems their stubbornness is getting the better of both of them.

They are alone most of the days of May. Hermione has gone to Australia to find her parents and Ron went with her, and Lily thinks this would be perfect for them to get together again – to have time to talk and to truly live their relationship without the threat of a storm above their heads.

But they don’t go to each other. They stay apart, even though Lily sees the cracks in their stubbornness when Harry breaks a glass after hearing Ginny talking about exchanging letters with an ex-boyfriend, and when Ginny suddenly leaves the room after Harry mentions Kingsley’s proposal to start the Aurors course.

James sees it too. He is always frowning when they are in the same room, and Lily knows no one rooted more for that relationship than James. So she is not surprised that he approaches her one morning when they are cleaning the mess the Death Eaters made in her office.

‘Do you remember when you forbade me from intervening in Harry’s love life?’ he asks in a nonchalant voice, cleaning a stain that looks a lot like blood on the carpet.

Lily nods with her head.

‘Maybe it’s time to change that rule?’ James asks then, now sounding hopeful.

Lily throws him the briefest of the looks, without turning away her attention from the cauldrons she is supposed to check if anything is worth saving.

‘Harry would hate it if we did anything.’

‘Harry would hate it if he knew we were doing anything.’

‘And James Potter can be discreet? How many detentions did you get just because you couldn’t help but flaunt your work?’

He raises his eyebrows challengingly.

‘That Slug Club dinner on my birthday. I was so discreet no one ever found out what we were doing.’

Lily blushes. He was absurdly quiet that night, indeed, despite her attempts otherwise.

‘Fine, you’ve got a point. Go on, but I’m warning you, if Ginny realizes what you are trying to do, she will hex you and I won’t stop.’

‘As long as she hexes me on their wedding day, I won’t complain,’ James says unabashedly, and Lily has to grin.

She is not feeling much confident — James’ love plans took him three years to her agree to date him, after all, and even then she had fallen in love with him when he had given up on any plan at all —, but she can’t deny James is creative and it’s better trying anything than watching Harry sigh all over the place, heartbroken and unhappy.

During the year they were out, their house has been searched over and over; their furniture is broken and there are spots of red ink — or blood — in every room, with curses or slurs written on every wall. They could just easily destroy the house and build a new one, but it feels good to clean the place; it feels like a new beginning.

Maybe this is what James is hoping to give Harry and Ginny because he asks for her help in rebuilding their house. Ginny accepts surprisingly quickly, probably guessing that Harry will still be occupied with the work at Hogwarts.

‘Thanks for the help,’ Lily says after she and Ginny manage to clean the debris away from the stairs, so now the first floor is available for them to start cleaning up the rooms.

‘No problem, it’s good to be out of the house,’ Ginny notes, drying the sweat on her face. ‘Sometimes it feels… too claustrophobic there.’

Lily raises her eyebrows, indicating around the hall, where the number of things still to be organized makes the corridor seem a lot smaller than it is. Ginny gives a small chuckle.

‘It’s just — Mom is trying to compensate, I think. Ron is not here and I am the youngest and she needs to take care of something, after — after everything that happened. So, yeah, I need some time to myself.’

‘Are you sure there is nothing else you would like to do?’ Lily asks, concerned now. Ginny just shrugs.

‘Since I can’t fly, this seems like the best available option,’ she says. ‘And it feels good to be doing something — and there is so much to do here. The Death Eaters made a mess.’

‘That could be said for everywhere.’

‘And everyone,’ Ginny adds softly, and she returns to the cabinet she is trying to fix without saying anything further, but Lily doesn’t think she needs to. She saw Neville’s bruises, she saw Luna’s scars and she has a pretty good idea of how it was at Hogwarts under Voldemort’s regime.

But Ginny keeps her marks quietly, and Lily knows there is only one person she will be able to talk to.

The next day, James comes home earlier from Hogwarts with Harry. There is an awkward moment when Harry and Ginny meet in the kitchen and James mentions that now the main work over Hogwarts is done, Harry volunteered to help get his home back again.

‘Any problem?’ James asks genially, making both Harry and Ginny jump.

‘No,’ they say at the same time, and it doesn’t convince anyone.

Lily never noticed how big their house was until she realizes Harry and Ginny still manage to avoid each other except during mealtimes, so she decides they can get past subtlety. She and James start to ask them for help for the same rooms until they eventually are paired in the same tasks.

She doesn’t hear them talking, but it seems to work, albeit at the slowest pace ever.

‘You won’t believe who asked Sirius for an interview,’ James says one night after they settled for the day and they are having dinner before Ginny returns to her house. ‘Rita Skeeter.’

‘What scoop does she want now?’ Harry asks, rolling his eyes. ‘I am still awaiting her biography about me.’

‘What will be called?’, Ginny asks, and Harry turns to her with his eyes already shining with the joke.

‘Easy. Harry Potter, chosen or undesirable one?’

She laughs – it’s a short tentative laugh, but it’s there, and Harry smiles too. James exchanges a look with Lily, but she shakes her head warningly to him.

‘What Skeeter wanted with Sirius?’ she asks, putting the conversation back into place. It was just a shared joke. There is still a long road ahead.

‘Oh, gossip on you and me, actually, which unfortunately is something Sirius thinks it’s too funny to pass – and also he has a soft spot for Skeeter.’

Harry chokes on his drink.

‘Soft spot?’

‘Oh, please, don’t tell me –‘ Ginny raises her eyebrows, exchanging a bewildered look with Harry. ‘Sirius and Rita Skeeter?’

James chuckles.

‘No, he just likes her because of the animagus stuff. He says he can’t fault her for being one.’

‘Oh, much better,’ Ginny sighs. Then she bits her lip before looking back at Harry. ‘Can you imagine them together? Rita Skeeter as your godmother?’

‘I would have to quit Sirius from his job as godfather,’ Harry says, pretending to gag. ‘He would clearly be underqualified.’

There is another small giggle and that’s it for the night.

They are talking again at least, even if it is still not like it used to be. There are no whispered words during their time together during the day and they don’t seem to be secretly snogging. But they talk sometimes, and once or twice Lily hears a laugh when she passes the room they are in.

But it’s only two weeks later that something seems to happen.

Lily is in her room, finishing to set up the bed so she and James will finally be able to sleep there, when the voices catch her up on her window.

‘You are bleeding.’

‘It’s just a cut, Harry, no big deal.’

‘It was a splinter, there can still be something there.’

‘I told you, I took everything off. I will just press it, it will stop bleeding in a minute.’

‘I can help you, I – I know a lot of healing spells.’

There is a pause.

‘Me too, but I also know that the bleeding will stop. It’s not deep.’

‘How do you –‘

‘Same way you know, Harry.’ There is a note of tension in Ginny’s voice. ‘I had to learn.’

‘Ginny –‘

‘What? Do you think you were the only one who had a hard time?’

And she storms inside, giving him no time to answer.

Harry is subdued that night, even more reserved than natural, and when she passes his room late at night, she sees the light is on. For a second Lily wonders if she should call James, but then she sighs and knocks on his door.

‘Harry?’

In answer, the door opens quietly. Lily enters his room to see Harry fully clothed on his bed; he is holding something and, with a start, she realizes it’s the Marauder’s Map. That’s a weird thing for Harry to be consulting in the middle of the night.

‘Can’t sleep?’ she asks, sitting on the edge of his bed and running her hand through his hair comfortingly. He shrugs. ‘Anything to do with that fight with Ginny?’

He raises his eyebrows.

‘Hearing behind doors, Mum?’

‘No need, you were talking under my window.’

‘Next fight I will make sure we are far,’ he says with a grimace.

‘There will be a next fight?’

‘I don’t know,’ he admits, and this prospect doesn’t seem to make him better. ‘If I asked you something, would you be honest with me?’

‘Wasn’t I always, Harry?’

He smiles for a second before his expression is grave and uncertain.

‘Do you think I am self-centred?’

Lily blinks.

‘No one would accuse you of being selfish, Harry, I mean –’

She doesn’t know where to begin, considering all the sacrifices she had seen Harry make over the years — he gave his life —, but Harry shakes his head.

‘Not selfish, I mean – the summer after my fourth year, when Voldemort was back, I said plenty of things –’

‘You were under a lot of stress, no one –’

‘I know, but I was complaining about how everything happened to me and now I am thinking that maybe, somehow, I never stopped to think that things happen to other people too.’

Lily squeezes his hand.

‘It is not a suffering competition, Harry.’

‘I don’t know if I see it that way. I mean, when I saw Neville for the first time, with all his bruises and looking so hurt, I still wished it could be me, staying at Hogwarts and fighting because it seemed easier and it never occurred to me that she could – they could – have had a difficult time too. It still seemed… just school.’

He pauses to pick up the Marauder’s Map, opening it even if there is no map showing there.

‘I used to take the Map last year to watch over her,’ he whispers, his face flushing. ‘And I saw her dot and I never thought that she could be in trouble. I knew they were rebelling, but… it didn’t feel like it was something real.’

‘Well, that’s why you should talk to each other. None of you will understand if you keep avoiding each other.’

‘She is mad at me.’

‘Of course she is. You are avoiding her.’

He doesn’t answer.

‘You need to talk, Harry. Go there. Try it.’

He blinks, a hint of a smile on his lips.

‘Are you suggesting that I go visit my ex-girlfriend in the middle of the night?’

‘I’m pretty sure you will just talk if she doesn’t hex you first,’ Lily says brightly. Then she smiles softly. ‘You could wait until tomorrow, Harry, but I have the feeling you both have been waiting too long. And this isn’t any of your styles. You are both people of action.’

Harry grins now, standing up.

‘I will go then. Thanks for the tip, Mum.’

Lily accepts the soft kiss he gives her on the cheek.

‘Just be safe, Harry.’

_______

Harry seems to be in a better mood the next morning, despite the fact that he slept a few hours that night — Lily knows he returned by five, just as the sun was rising.

But she doesn’t say anything, just smiling to herself when Harry’s face lights up when the fireplace erupts into emerald flames and Ginny appears, dusting her clothes. They exchange a look that it’s still not there yet, but it’s soft and promising. James looks in her direction, surprised, and she promises to explain later.

It’s not Summer yet, but the days of May and then June get warmer and then Harry and Ginny are spending more time outside, though there isn’t much to fix there.

At least, not material things.

James keeps an eye on them — he wouldn’t resist not doing so —, telling her that most of the time they just seem to be taking long strolls and talking.

One day they return from their walk holding hands, and Lily has to lock James inside the room so he doesn’t say anything. Harry and Ginny are still not there.

The road home takes time.

On the second weekend of June they have the hottest day yet and they take some time off; James transfigures a pool in the backyard that neither Harry nor Ginny seems to enjoy other than to sit at the edge of the pool and take off their shoes to wet their feet. Instead of helping to ease any tension, the pool seems to create some weight over them, making them more silent than usual, so James suggests they go flying instead.

‘My Firebolt is gone,’ Harry remembers, wincing, and Lily knows it’s not the broomstick he is really missing right now. Harry lost a friend that day.

‘Mine was burnt by the Carrows last year,’ Ginny adds, her voice casual as if it’s nothing important.

They don’t end up doing anything after that.

In the afternoon, James gets a call from Sirius and Lily decides to just stay home, finishing the Wolfsbane Potions she will need to deliver to Remus by the end of the week. She is quietly lost in her favourite potion world when she hears the voices, and it’s just because they are whispering, rather than talking normally, that it draws her attention.

‘Are you sure?’ Ginny is asking, her voice unusually hesitant.

‘Only if you are,’ he whispers, sounding just as unstable.

Lily approaches the window and withdraws the curtains as little as she needs. Harry and Ginny are still by the pool, standing facing each other, and without looking away from Harry, she takes off her shirt, to reveal her bikini under it.

Harry gasps, but Lily knows that what is taking his breath away are the marks on Ginny’s torso — faint scars of cuts and small yellowed bruises that remained from the battle, over a month ago.

Ginny bits her lip, her arms trembling as if she wants to cover herself. Harry finally takes a step in her direction, looking her in the eyes now.

'Thank you for showing me,’ he whispers and then he sighs. 'My turn'.

His hands are shaking as he goes to unbutton his shirt, until Ginny raises her hands.

'May I?'

Harry nods slowly.

Ginny keeps her head high, not looking away from Harry's eyes, until she finishes opening all the buttons from his shirt and taking it off.

Then her eyes fall to his chest and Ginny freezes.

Lily knows what she is seeing, even though Lily can't see it from her angle: Harry's new lightning scar, across his chest, over his heart, where the Killing Curse hit him for the second time in his life.

'Harry,’ Ginny sighs, pain evident in her voice. She raises her hand, looking at him, questioning him silently. Harry nods once more.

Then Ginny takes a step closer to him, touching his chest, and Lily knows that she must be feeling his heart over it.

She lets the curtain fall and returns to her potion.

She is not surprised when they return home holding hands and she only tells James later (so he doesn't say anything during dinner because she knows her husband) that Ginny kissed Harry softly on the lips when she thought no one was seeing them.

[bonny-kookoo]

Ready Player 01 | JJK x Reader | 🔞❤️☁️

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: dystopia!AU, former Game developer!Jk, former pro gamer!JK, former IT specialist!Reader, former programmer!Reader, romance, Smut, slight cyberpunk elements

Warnings/tags: injustice, forcefully controlled public, violence (police/government officials against citizens), unfair powerplay, interrogation, tech talk, Jungkook be antisocial as FUCK but so is the reader lmao wbk, fear of physical contact (Haphephobia), past trauma and mentions of a bad childhood, insomnia, crime, smut because yes it’s me hello my content isn't kiddy-proof in the first place what yall want from me I'm not sure, but that’s waaY at the end ya know, friends to lovers, a slightly sassy AI but we love her, reader struggles with emotions, I mean same tbh, they're both so sweet tho I cant, not proofread because let me live

Summary: there’s a war going on; silent, but it’s there. Media has been strictly become controlled and regulated- to the point of making it illegal to own a TV or phone with internet access without a valid license. But there’s always some people that will try to break free from the controlling force.

"-a new age. This is a new year. And remember; we're doing this for the greater good. Until tomorrow." The news reporter stops talking after she somberly looks somewhere behind the camera that is pointed at her.

Your room is dark- the TV brightness on it's lowest setting so you can see what's going on- but outside, no one can see the light shining in your tiny apartment. Investing in blackout curtains had really paid off at the end of the day.

You don't want to get caught.

There's an announcement van driving past your window; the tiny slits in your curtains where the light from outside can creep its way inside brightening a bit as the headlights pass your windows. Something is spoken, and by now everyone knows the routine speech.

"Electricity will be shut down in five minutes. We advice to save all progress immediately- and we wish a good nights rest. Electricity will be shut down in five minutes..-" It repeats, over and over, counting down the minutes. You slowly move into your kitchen, opening one of the loose floor tiles to turn on your own emergency electricity system. With well practiced movements you close the tile again, moving the rug over it as you walk back into your living room, swiftly sliding the TV behind your wardrobe to make it disappear. As if on cue; there's a knock at your door.

The same as always. Routine. Two times, loud and clear. You don't even have to look through the peephole to know what awaits behind it.

"Yes?" You ask, rubbing your eyes as if you had been already asleep. The officer behind the door nods at you shortly, a mild smile on his face as he looks down at you.

"We didn't mean to wake you miss. Just routine, as usual." He says, peeking into your apartment to look for any electronics still running. It's pitch black however- so he simply nods, as his colleague notes something into his tablet. "We wish a good nights rest miss. Again, sorry for intruding." He apologizes, and you nod, closing the door.

Only when the street lights turn dark, do you move from your bed.

"Creator." The AI voice chimes up, her voice greeting you as as you lift the tile on the floor again- your phone connecting to the AI to show information you instantly decode and note down inside your head. "Player01 has just connected." The voice states, and you sit down on your cold kitchen flooring, smiling a little. "He has sent a message. Would you like me to play it?" The voice asks, and you take a deep breath.

"Yes." You say, and there's a small sound indicating the start of the voice message. A male voice is head.

"Hey, whats up?" He asks, and you can hear something in the background- maybe an empty can or something similar. "I uh.. I'm on my way. Should I bring anything? Ah wait, I know the answer to that.." He says, chuckling at the end of his sentence, and you can hear him zip up his jacket as he moves around. "Yeah uh.. just text or something, I'll bring stuff over. Can't have you starve." He ends, and the AI speaks up again.

"Would you like to repeat the message?" She asks, and you shake your head at her; a signal the artificial intelligence has come to detect quite well. "Should I archive it?" She questions again, and this time, you nod- something your invisible assistant can pick up due to motion sensoring.

"Send him a message." You say. "Tell him: I only need you. Get yourself here in one piece and I'm happy. And I'm very capable of taking care of myself." You state, and your phone shows a small loading message- indicating that the voice is doing as you said. It chimes up after a moment. "Thanks Kana." You say.

"No problem creator. Would you like for me to run through the databases now?" She asks, and you nod, a smile on your face. "Database search in progress. Estimated time: sixteen minutes and eighteen seconds." You huff out a breath as you look at the tiny display on your arm; tiny, yet powerful as it's your way of keeping Kana- your AI assistent- close at all times. Tonight, there would seem to be a lot to dig through.

They really added a lot of content these days.

It's not the door that makes you notice that there's a visitor after a while- He never uses it anyways for some reason. You're sitting on your kitchen floor with a small cup of tea in your hands- kept hot inside a slightly beaten-looking thermos can since you can't use to water boiler at night. Using anything other than Kana would cause a spike the police would be sure to notice; and you're not ready to get caught yet.

Not tonight.

It's a boy who, after a moment, opens the unclosed kitchen window to climb in; his combat boots getting a little snow and dirt from the outside into your apartment as his 80's looking jacket makes distinctive noises as it brushes against the sides of your window. His blonde hair has grown out a bit these days you notice- the roots clearly showing. It's a little wet and slightly curly from the moisture. It must be snowing outside- or maybe it had. You couldn't know for sure.

You never left your apartment.

He closes the window after slipping on the tiles inside a little, the plastic bags noisy as he almost drops them- sheepishly taking off his boots as he smiles at you. His socks are different from one another- but that's another thing so distinctive and just so.. him. He's his own person, always has been; it's what brought you two together, after all. You both stood out against the 'regular public' these days; with his brightly almost white-bleached hair he was like an albino in a sea of crows.

But you knew he didn't need that to stand out to you.

You can still remember the first few times the boy in front of you has visited you; the times where he had just dyed his hair to rebel out, or when he pierced your ears in exchange for you to do it to him as well. It was like you had made a blood pact in your kitchen that night- you had somehow gotten closer, formed a little more than just a simple companionship in order to riot against the law. He began growing close. Gave you a nickname. Began calling you his player 2. Began calling you his 'ace'. He had explained that he thought of it from memories of his gaming days; the two fighting teams always called red and blue, and one of his favorite weapons having that nickname- simply because it always 'saved his ass last minute'. He had rambled on about his last tournament after that, eyes sparkling and cheeks round from cold noodles.

You had become friends.

"hey." He says after sitting close across from you on the cold floor; the opened tile and Kana's core exposed to you two, the only source of light apart from your bracelet. The colorful LED's paint marks on his face and illuminate his features to you; but it does the same to you from his point of view. It's a familiar sight. "How are you?" He asks, almost shyly, but you know that's not what's bothering him.

"Hey Jungkook." You simply say with the hint of a smile, as you answer him. "Haven't slept well these days but, what's new I guess." You chuckle, and Jungkook smiles too- though a glimpse of concern is still shown your way. He knows however that forcing you to sleep won't do much good- your insomnia was too bad to really conquer it in a day or two just by taking naps.

And also; who was he to talk about solving personal issues.

"Have you seen the most recent reports?" You ask him, and the boy somberly shakes his head.

"I was unable to." He states. "They were patrolling close to my apartment complex because there had been someone reporting a Glitcher today." A 'glitcher'- a slang word now commonly used for people like Jungkook and you. People who went against the nightly routines, people who tried to trick the system by using electricity at night, owning media, consuming it, or dealing with it. It somehow became worse than underground drugs. "They pulled him out at around twelve or so- but they seemed too on edge the entire day, so I didn't risk it." He says, and you nod. Jungkook had always been a very good person when it came to calculating risk versus reward. He was good at reading people too- even though he didn't interact much, he got out of his apartment a lot more than you did. "Anything important?" He asks, and you shrug.

"There was a report that China and Japan were still on edge- with the chinese government arguing that they would soon start with 'more drastic measures to get things under proper control', whatever that means." You say, and Jungkooks brows furrow as he starts to pick on the skin of his jaw. "Let's just hope the flood doesn't throw us under the sea as well if it escalates I guess.." You say, and the boy across from you nods.

"Creator." Kana's voice chimes up, making Jungkook look up before remembering that the only source would be your bracelet, which you look at as well. "My scan of your body shows that you have not consumed a sufficient amount of calories today. I recommend a meal in the next five to eight minutes to avoid malnutrition." She says, and you groan. "I take this as a form of verbal communication. Running data search..." She says, as Jungkook looks at you; thoroughly amused by the teasing banter between the AI and his friend. "My data search concludes that you are annoyed, creator. I have only stated a fact however-" She continues, and Jungkook steps in.

"I've brought some leftovers from my dinner today we can eat." He says, pulling out some plastic containers as he moves to get proper cutlery out of your drawers. He makes sure to push them towards you, making sure to nod with a smile as you nod and thank him a little embarrassed. "It's nothing. You know I love you too much to let you starve!" He states with a grin, bunny teeth on full display as bitterness creeps up your throat- something you make sure to swallow down before beginning to eat.

Because the kind of love he's talking about right now, is not the kind of love you want him to feel for you.

"You forgot to give it a proper validation there-" He points out as you type away. "Otherwise it will just run instantly, and everything at once. That could crash older systems, and we know that V95 uses an older laptop, so we should take that into account." He says, and you nod, clicking back to the spot Jungkook is talking about.

This is what you're both good for.

Writing code for you had always been something you did with a passion- simply because you were good at it. Numbers and short phrases were something you could remember with ease; but you never had to think much about the visual aspect of programs in your department back when you were able to work for a simple programming company. You had simply always been tasked to program security systems and automatically updating firmware, or simple AI's for factory robots. Jungkook however had been all about the visuals; he had been programming games after all. That's why you two fit so well together in this scene. Whenever he would be in complete awe of the broad knowledge you had about official guidelines and security breaches, of staying undetected and unseen while still gaining as much as possible from every single line of code, he could always throw in his input to make sure the program you were both writing and updating for the glitch community was easy to use and simple enough so it could run smoothly on as many systems as possible. Be it phone, laptops, PC's- you two made it possible.

This program was connecting Glitchers all over the globe- and with yours and Jungkooks knowledge, you made it almost invisible. And even if it was somehow detected; there was no possible way to track down any of it's users.

The fact that you had to hide a simple program from the government made you sigh.

"Okay. Yeah I think that fixed the bug." He says, and looks at your arm- at Kana. "Oh, by the way, Kana?" he asks, and the chime gives him the cue to talk. "I heard you had a bug-fix too recently." He says, and the AI chimes again.

"I did, Player01." The AI answers. "The addition of code to my current program has proven to significantly increase my ability to observe and save more data." The female voice answers, and Jungkook grins. "You are happy, Player01." She states, and he nods.

"I am." He says.

"Why is that?" The AI asks, and Jungkook shrugs.

"I'm just happy you're doing well. Someone has to take care of ace when I'm not close by, yeah?" He states, and you try not to react to it. Jungkook is by now used to your more stoic expression; you're not too emotional and barely let things get under your skin. You've been hurt before, he knows this even if you never told him- he can see it in the way you hide inside the safety of your home, how you're so cold on the outside but still clinging onto him. Sometimes he wishes he could touch you; run his hand over your head to ruffle your hair like in those cheesy movies, hold your hand, or simply give you some reassurance in the form of a gentle hand on your back whenever you struggle.

But he's got his own demons, and they love clinging onto him just as much.

"V95 has connected to voice chat. Would you like to talk to him?" Kana states, ripping him out of his thoughts as he watches you nod.

"JK? Y/N?" A deep voice asks.

"We're here. Heard there was a raid close to you?" Jungkook asks, and he can see you grow a bit more serious at that. "Are you okay?" He adds, and V answers, although quite.. tired?

"I'm good. They got Jimin though." He states, and you sigh, running a hand through your hair as you stand up, frustrated. Jungkook knows you're trying to calm down by pacing. He doesn't mind. "They didn't officially arrest him, took him for 'questioning' though. We know what that's about." He states somberly, and Jungkook takes a deep breath.

"Jimin is a master manipulator V. He'll get himself out of it, I'm sure." Jungkook tries to reassure, but it doesn't gain him much than a hum from Taehyung on the other end of the line. "What about Sleeper?" He asks, and a chuckle is heard.

"He's been checking the videofeed from inside the past few nights. He said he's send some of the big bites to Ace though?" He says, and Jungkook looks over at your form.

"Yeah I've seen it." You simply say, though Jungkook grows uncomfortable with the way you're suddenly standing there. You're a little hunched, biting the skin on your thumb as you look at the tiles as if they suddenly began to move. He knows himself that things inside the 'rehabilitation centers' weren't all that nice to see- but you rarely ever displayed so much distress over it. "Let's just hope Jimin get's his ass out of this situation. We can't afford to loose him." You say, and V stays silent before he sighs.

"Yeah. I tell sleeper you've seen the stuff. Oh, and our prince charming has asked for a date with Ace. Again." Taehyung chuckles, and you groan- while Jungkook can't help but clench his jaw. Kim Seokjin was a very good asset to the team; with connections reaching deep inside the government and his position as a former lawyer- but he still hated his guts.

You didn't need to waste your time dating. You were totally capable of taking care of yourself, you had even said it personally! And for anything else Jungkook would provide for you. You didn't need anyone else than him.

He was totally not jealous of him.

"Can he not use our underground connections for that circus?" You say. "I don't even go grocery shopping, why would I want to go on a fucking date?" You mumble, sitting down next to Jungkook as you take a spoonful of rice. Jungkook feels a weird sense of satisfaction about the situation.

"Who knows." Taehyung says. "Alright, 10 Minute mark- I'll hear from you two soon. Take care." He says, and you both say your goodbyes before the line goes silent.

Although Jungkook hates physical contact, he likes keeping you close.

His heart is melting like chocolate as he notes the way your hand grips his jacket tightly as the two of you walk through town to get your license renewed- a way of holding onto him, and he somehow wishes it could be his hand. He knows yours would fit so perfectly in his, and yet he can't bring himself to do it.

His body is not cooperating.

He remembers vividly how his fear had developed; with his father and mother both being dramatically overworked and overwhelmed with having a kid at a young age, they had no idea how to make a child behave. Every second touch would bruise, every time he had been held would be force.

And at some point, he started to dislike physical touch completely.

It had just been like his growing interest in freelance climbing- the way he would walk and jump high over the heads of unsuspecting people, away from all judgemental gazes they'd throw his way for behaving the way he did. Only when the wind could hit him freely, only when he couldn't make out faces of anyone down below, only when he was high up- that was when he felt safe. The ground below had nothing of interest for him, no point in going down, as his apartment was located on the top floor of the complex. Jungkook never took the elevator, always the stairs.

He liked being reminded how high he lived.

And yet, there's one thing that pulls him down, brings his feet to the earth below, calls him like a siren song. It's you, hidden away from everyone's sight inside your tiny home, just as troubled and judged as himself.

He'd fallen in love with you the second you told him his name.

It had been a rainy night, his clothes drying on your heater as he was wrapped in two of your blankets; the smell of your fabric softener and something so typically you surrounding him like a mother's hug would a child. It had given him a feeling of comfort he had never quite experienced before, and it had also been the first time he had imagined what it would be like to hug you.

To have you close.

He had explained to you why he had freaked out when you reached for his arm to steady him when he almost fell inside your apartment through your window; had apologized and bowed his head in shame until you had simply shrugged.

"You don't have to justify yourself to anyone, Jungkookie." You had said. Jungkookie. "You're you. And I like you." You had said, not looking at him as you typed in some code to Kana's internal system.

His heart had warmed up at that.

And while you had accepted him, he had accepted you just as much. While at first caught off guard by your quiet and sometimes harsh way of treating him, he had also gotten to know just how gentle and delicately you treated the ones you loved. You were a loyal person, always going out of your way to be helpful, and silently basking in praise any time it was directed at you.

He loved that view. The way your cheeks would grow warm, how your eyes would sparkle; and he loved most of all, that he had been, according to Taehyung who was the second closest to you, the only one to see you smile.

You even laughed with him.

It filled him with pride to know that you were able to let go around him, even if it was just a little. It made him feel like he did something huge. It helped him sleep at night knowing that you were trusting him enough to let down your guard a little.

And it hurt him even worse knowing that he couldn't do the same thing for you.

He was a coward-

and you deserved a hero.

"Ace?" He asked, slipping through your window as he noticed the apartment silent and dark. Nothing greeted him. "..Ace?" He tried again, maybe you were asleep? But your apartment was quiet, empty, nothing spoke of your presence. Dishes were in the sink, a cup of water left untouched on the counter, and something inside of him churned painfully at the way this looked. He checked the kitchen tile, sliding it to the side like he's seen you do it countless of times.

It was dark.

Instead, he was greeted by a post it note. "Underneath the bed. Take care." Was all it read. He stood up, pushing your bed away from the wall noticing how your carpet had been torn a little. And as he lifted the cut flap of carpet, there was an envelope.

Your watch. A small in-ear piece, and your old IT-identification, folded.

A noise outside your hallway made his head snap up as he pushed the bed back into place, making an escape for it as he climbed outside the window, watch safely inside his jacket as he climbed back up on top of a building, before he examined it further, turning it on, after putting the earpiece in.

"Hello, Jungkook." Kana greeted him, and it felt weird to hear the AI say his name like that. "Creator has advised me to answer all questions you might have, and assist you from here on." She said, and Jungkook simply put the watch on, making his way to his own apartment.

"What happened?" He asked, his face serious as he walked.

"At around 6:12 O'clock, creator was taken into further questioning regarding illegal possession and knowledge of classified information and technological equipment. She had shown no resistance and complied with authorities. My observations however showed that she was taken with more force than necessary." Kana explained. Jungkook shook his head. "She had prepared for this instance during the night, approximately twenty-six minutes after you had left."

"She knew?!" He suddenly said, shutting his apartment door violently as he started to pace around, throwing his jacket on the couch. "Why didn't she contact me?"

"Analysis; your body shows signs of-" Kana started, but Jungkook interrupted.

"Shut up. Why didn't she tell me?" He asks again, and Kana seems to hesitate for a moment.

"Considering her close relationship to you, she probably wanted to not get you involved." She stated, and Jungkook sighed, sitting down on his couch as he gripped his hair. He should've stayed. Hell, it wasn't the first time he wanted to stay. He had dreamed of staying over, of fucking living with you for months to no end by now, but he was a coward. And this was his paycheck.

"Kana." He said lowly, and the small tune gave him the cue to talk. "Contact V95. Tell him it's urgent. We got an emergency." He says.

"I can't watch this." He says, jumping up and holding onto his head as to not punch his wall, unable to go through the videofeed of your interrogation room.

There's not much to see, but Jungkook knows that's simply because they haven't had the time to see to you yet. You and him knew best what really happened in these rooms, and he hated knowing that deep down they wouldn't go easy on you simply because you were a young woman. It didn't matter to them.

He'd seen teenagers way younger than you and him getting the rough treatment before- and elderly didn't get spared either.

The government bragged about having everything in order; yet they couldn't even control their own law enforcement it seemed. When he really thought back on his history lessons in school, not much had changed at all.

The world was still in utter chaos.

His palm shuts his laptop harshly- earning a tiny chime from the AI he’s already forgotten shares his home with him now. “I suggest that you practice care in treating your electronics to-“ he groans, successfully shutting it off at that. “Why are you frustrated?” It- she? Asks, and he sits down.

“I don’t know how to help her.” He admits in shame, thinking back to the footage of your hidden camera; the way they had pushed you to the ground, before grabbing you, leading you out of your apartment a few minutes away from him. “I don’t know what I should do.” He says.

There’s a bit of silence, until the AI speaks up again. “Do you have a romantic interest in my creator?” She asks, and his head snaps up at that.

“What the fuck? Why would you ask me this?!” He barks, unsure where to look since he can only hear the voice.

“I have observed both my creator and your behaviors; you seem to have a very deep rooted interest in each others well-being and opinions. This is commonly found in partnerships. I was only asking you to confirm if my assumption is correct.”

He’s silent for a moment, until he speaks again, watching the announcement van pass his window; voices dull and unintelligible though the walls and windows. “It’s no use anyways. Who wants someone they can’t even shake hands with?” He sighs, looking into his lap again. He hates that he’s like this; that even though he very much loves and adores you, there’s no magic moment that makes him forget- even though he craves the contact, he can’t do it. Every time he’s close to you, he knows that he could simply hug you; or let you rest your head on his shoulder, like in romantic movies. He wants to hold your hand, wipe your tears- but his body won’t cooperate. He can’t do it.

Not even with you.

“Creator seems very comfortable with you.” The AI states. “I have been asked to archive all text messages and phone calls of you two recently. When I asked for a reason, she claimed she would need it someday- I was unsure what she meant.” Jungkook furrows his brow, raising his head again. “Sometimes, when creator is deeply upset, she has the habit of playing some of the recordings of you singing, or reminding her to take care. My research has shown that it slows down her heartbeat to a more normal level and also improves her insomnia.” Jungkooks eyes widen at that.

Does that mean.. that you like him back?

"Kana, fuck- cut the feed." He says, agitated.

"Are you sure?" She asks, and he sighs, before yelling his frustration out, sitting down to take a deep breath. He slowly shook his head no. He couldn't let all your hard work go to waste like this.

He couldn't stay a coward.

"Jungkook, it appears to be that the creator is being let go." Kana suddenly chimes up, and Jungkook rushes to his pc setup to see for himself. And she's right- your arm is being held tightly, and something is being said to you, but your hands are no longer chained to the chair- you're free.

What just happened?

Jungkook sometimes really hates himself for being the way he is.

There's no sugarcoating it that you need comfort now more than ever, even though you don't openly show it to him. He can see it in the way you're still biting your nails, he can see it in your eyes which never stay on one point for too long. And he can definitely see it in the bruises on your upper arm, and the cut on your lower lip where you had bitten in anger and frustration. He wants to comfort you, he knows you'd let him- and yet he can't move any closer than where he is right now; only the length of his palm of space between you two. And yet it's like his joints are locked into place. He can't touch you.

What if he hurts you?

And it dawns on him right then and there while he watches you drink your can of overly sweet soda while typing your code like second nature, that he's not scared of you hurting him. He's scared of doing to you, what's been done to him. Because deep down he is aware that his parents never had bad intentions, never hated him or wanted him to suffer; they were simply unsure and not at all confident in how to really care for a child. They had been caught off guard and gotten overwhelmed by the sudden shift in their situation that they never truly knew what to do. And nowadays he felt like he was simply heading down the same road.

He was starting to feel like he was becoming just like them.

"Hm?" You ask him, ripping him out of his thoughts as he looks at you, your eyes wide and worried as you put down your almost empty can of soda. "What is it?" You ask him, and he wants to scream. He wants to throw a fit like a child at the way you seem to worry for him every time you should worry for yourself. He's a coward, he's useless, he's everything you don't need nor deserve in his eyes, and yet you always look at him like he's the main character of your favorite movie.

If he was, he was sure he'd be merely a sidekick- because you deserved to be the focus of every story told in his eyes. And if you weren't included in the tale, he knew he didn't want to ever know about it.

He swallows, before he manages to make his hand move, finger pointing at your arm where a green-ish bruise already formed. "Does it hurt?" He asks, and he's not even sure if he's asking you about the bruise, of if he's asking something else. He doesn't know what he's saying, doesn't even know if he's asking you or himself.

"No." You answer, and he looks at you, searching for any hint of a lie in your eyes. But he only sees that slight smile, lips turned a little, almost unnoticeable. But its there, he can see it, and he wants to print it into his mind to never forget it. You were so observant, knew him so well, that he was almost certain you knew of his inner fight and what he really meant with his blurted out question. "Are you okay?" You ask him, and he swallows again, eyes stinging with unshed tears as his body grows rigid like an unoiled machine, only moving with as much force as he can manage to come up with. His breathing is heavy as his eyes can't leave the spot on your arm, and your watch him with wide eyes as his shaking hand slowly reaches out.

He doesn't know what he expects to really happen.

Maybe like those electric shocks you get when someone had rubbed their socks on a carpet before touching someone else. Maybe he had expected to recoil instantly. Maybe he had expected nothing- but he was suddenly in a rush the moment his fingertip touched your warm skin, delicate, soft, everything his rough hands weren't.

And you were still as prey in front of a wolf.

But the wolf in this scenario was holding his breath while his tears finally fell. He wants to speak, but he can't, he doesn't know how to ask for something when he doesn't even know if he wants it.

But suddenly he moves again, his palm now resting fully against your upper arm, shaking, as it moves over the length of it, softly, as he imprints the way your soft skin feels. "Jungkook.." You whisper out, and he suddenly snaps, leans forward, his legs on either side of your body as he snakes his arms around you from behind, pulling you close to his chest. You can feel him shake as he holds you, his cheek resting against your back and you don't care about his tears staining your shirt as he suddenly cries openly and possibly for the first time since he was a mere child.

He's unsure, overwhelmed, because you're so warm, you smell so nice, you're so soft, and he can't let go, doesn't want to let go. He whines out as you turn a bit as he thinks you're moving away but you're simply placing your legs over his as you sit in his lap, hugging him back as you make sure to give him a gentle squeeze.

He calms down after a long while of simply existing. Of breathing you in, of feeling you. "You're right." He whispers into your neck, and you can't help but shiver, leaning into his hug.

"It doesn't hurt at all."

"You know, I get why you come up here." You comment, as Jungkook makes sure to hold your hand tightly in his, your feet dangling off the edge of the building you're sitting on top of. "It's nice." You say.

He's not listening that well though.

All he can really do is watch your face, illuminated by the neon lights of the city, hair swaying in the wind as you look down below. He doesn't quite know what you two really are, doesn't know how long it will take him to really come out of his shell and give you the love you deserve, but he's trying. He's fighting, he's left his cowardly self behind.

He want's to change.

And not just for you alone, because while he hates seeing you hurt, he knows what you two are doing- what all of you are doing- is for the greater good.

Jungkook hates your ideas sometimes.

Simply because he knows they will work, but also end up with you getting into danger at the end of it. And just like now, all he can do really is hope that you make it out as he keeps a watchful eye on your movements from above, giving you directions via Kana as you sometimes trip and stumble a little.

You're not a very active person; running wasn't really your thing.

Fuck, you were basically a hermit, the most you walked around was from your bedroom into the kitchen!

But then again, sacrifices had to be made somewhere. And Jungkook really admired you; because every time he thought that you had reached your limit, you would face it head first and break through it.

"Ace, try and somehow get to higher ground. They're caging you in from all sides." He urgently tells you as he watches police chase you down the roads, pushing citizens aside to not loose sight of you.

The plan had been simple. Gain all the attention so Taehyung could infect one of the police station's servers with a new worm, giving you all a better and easier access to any data and communication of the area. Jungkook couldn't play the bate well enough; and you had been on their radar already, making you the best option to gain their interest quickly enough.

Although Jungkook hated that part.

"Come on, ah fuck it." He grits out, jumping down to grab a ladder, making his way to a nearby area he could pull you up. There was no way you could reach any of the fire ladders yourself, and by now, things were getting too hot for him to risk anything. "Here!" He barks out, not thinking twice about grabbing your hand and helping you upwards, trying not to worry too much about your heavy breathing. And then there's it.

A pop, loud, followed by another, and another, and another. You're suddenly falling, scraping your knees on the ground below as he can't catch you, too startled by the fact that they had actually decided to shoot to react quick enough. "Fuck!" He says, eyes wide and pupils blown as he looks at you.

"Jungkook, why the fuck aren't you running?!" You yell at him, a scratch on the top of your left cheek as you push his leg away from you- the only thing you can reach. "Go!" You bark again, and he growls out something, before he manages to pull you onto his back, adrenaline not letting his brain process what he's doing.

He can't just leave you.

"Taehyung, get out, Ace has been shot. Whatever was uploaded has to be enough." He says via the in-ear piece, doesn't wait for a response. He still gets it.

"Fuck, what?! Okay okay, I'm out" He says, and Jungkook can only catch a glimpse of the older man leaving the building via the backside entrance. He's only concerned with getting you somewhere safe.

"Urgh." You groan, slowly sitting up on Jungkooks couch. "I mean, I know paintball hurts, but rubber bullets? Jesus.." You complain, while Jungkook looks at you with a dark expression. "What?" You ask him, and he huffs.

"You sound like you haven't almost been killed yesterday." He grimly says, and you shrug. "Stop. I'm serious." He tells you, and you let yourself fall back down onto his couch.

"Whatever. At least we killed their communication." You say, closing your eyes. "Must've at least pissed them off." You say.

"Kana." Jungkook suddenly says, waiting for the familiar sound to tell him she's active. "Shut down for now." He says, and you sit up, hissing instantly at the sudden movement.

"Hey- ah fuck!" You say, as you watch on your bracelet how Kana complies; shutting down. "Why would you do that?" You say in an offended matter, before you grow quiet, watching him go onto his knees in front of you, as he lets his head rest on top of your lap.

"I just want.. you to myself. Just.." He mumbles, and you slowly bring your hand to his hair. "Just for a moment." He says, and you sigh. Jungkook had been under a lot of stress recently, you no doubt being the main cause of most of it recently. So you simply let him be, as he closed his eyes. "Y/N?" He asks suddenly, and you answer him. "I love you." He says, and your body stops moving.

What?

"It's okay if you don't." He says, not moving from his spot, and neither opening his eyes. "I mean it. I only want you to know." He explains further. "Because I.. couldn't fucking live with myself if something happened to you, and I've never told you." He admits, and you can't help but stare at him. Jungkook looked down on himself so much that it was sometimes frustrating to see; simply because you saw him as such an amazing human being with countless talents and beautiful flaws.

You knew you couldn't muster up the strength to actually answer him; not so spontaneously. You weren't that expressive, you couldn't communicate as freely and colorful as he could. All your words seemed black and white to you, mixing into grey and mundane sentences while his words seemed to bloom into the most amazing paintings. He had a way of charming those around him- and he didn't even know.

You slowly leaned down instead, moving his hair to the side as you placed a feather-light kiss to the top of his cheek, close to his eye.

You hoped he would somehow understand you.

And as he moved again, looking at you with eyes that sparkled brighter than any city's skyline ever could, you knew he did.

He'd always understand you, no matter how you communicated with him.

You didn't need words to understand each other.

The shy kiss you two shared, bathed in the purple glow of the neon lights outside his window, spoke enough.

"You should try and sleep." Jungkook tells you, taking away your can of soda as you whine at him. "No buts. Come on, I'll finish this for you." He says, and you let him take over the keyboard of your laptop. It's something you really only let him get away with- anyone else would've probably lost a finger or two trying to touch your work.

You don't trust anyone but him at this point.

"I know that Kana snitched." You comment, as you lean your back against his shoulder. He chuckles. "Can't believe my own creation goes behind my back like that." You mumble, and Jungkook has a light tune to his voice as he speaks.

"Well, it's a good thing though." He tells you. "I worry about you." He says.

"Ugh come on, you know that's not the part I meant." You laugh, and he grins.

"Oh, you mean the part where you listen to my crappy ass singing to help you sleep?" He tells you with a teasing undertone. "No wonder you got insomnia trying to find rest to that." He chuckles, and you playfully hit his thigh.

"Shut up, your voice is nice." You say, and he's glad your eyes are closed, and you can't see him blush.

Somehow, moments like these re-energized him again. Because it proved to him that there was still a piece of that innocent and untainted you inside that thick shell you had put up to protect yourself. And considering that you let him see you like that made his pride grow taller than any of the skyscrapers of his city.

Maybe one day the two of you will have a future together that won't be so difficult and unfair like your current one was. Maybe one day, you both will have changed enough to teach the next generation about what you've overcome.

But then again; living in the moment seemed to fit a lot better in his eyes, as he watched you sleep soundly against his shoulder.

Yeah, this moment was more than enough for now.

The world won't change over night- you both know that. All of you know that. But small things were starting to make a difference here and there; for example, the letter you held towards Jungkook as his eyes widened.

"..and we have officially decided that we no longer want to participate in the case against the defendant. The result of this agreement is that all charges against Y/N L/N have been dismissed and are no longer being investigated." He reads out loud, almost whispering as if saying it too loud could make it a lie. "They let you go?" He asks, and you nod, the small bandaid on your cheek making you look even cuter in his eyes as you shrug.

"Jimin had reached out too. They've let him go home as well." You say. and Jungkook huffs out in disbelief.

After infecting the police station with the worm you had all worked on, you had scared the entire country enough to take a step back from the overall aggressive tone. It wasn't much- but it meant that they knew you were there. You existed, and you were not bowing down.

You were still untamed.

Jungkook smiled brightly as he put the letter down to the side, reaching out to you to pull you onto his lap. He simply holds you for a moment, his lips kissing the skin of your shoulder as if in a trance. "I love you." He tells you, and you smile, squeezing him a bit in your arms. "I really do." He assures you, and you nod.

You don't answer him, and he doesn't seem to mind as he leans back from you, his eyes crinkling at the edges as he grins, hands holding your face so delicately as he places a kiss onto your lips, making you close your eyes as he breaks away from you, letting you rest your head against his shoulder.

He's still not letting anyone very physically close other than you; he's still scared of going out and around like everyone else. You're still rather hiding inside his apartment- both of your apartment now- and you still have trouble sleeping.

But Jungkook keeps the nightmares away.

And you make him brave in exchange.

It's really weird to hear the sound of a radio nowadays.

Things are still far from normal- but recently, citizens had been given radios to listen to public broadcast again. It only played crappy music with some rare good tracks here and there, but it was better than nothing.

Jungkook couldn't help but think that your breathless voice was far more entertaining than any music station he can remember from his youth.

While he hates touching other people, even friends and family, he can't help but feel a rush whenever he touches you.

His hands can't stop on one specific spot, can't seem to stay still even for a moment as his lips nip and suck at the flesh of your neck and shoulder, marking what's his, visualizing that you really belong to him. He bears the same mark on his collarbone from last night, and he should have been satisfied, but even an early morning couldn't keep him away from you.

The rain hit the window harshly, but he didn't notice at all. All his eyes could see was your form underneath him, skin glowing as he moves above you, euphoria filling his veins as he can't look away from where you're connected, where his cock disappears inside of you over and over and over again.

"I love you." He breathes out as he comes undone, holding you close, resting his head against your shoulder, as you hold onto his arms, a smile, a genuine and big smile thrown his way as he can't help but smile along.

"I love you too, Jungkook." You say, and he chuckles.

The radio in the background still playing, as you lay in each others' arms.

(c)Bonny-Kookoo. Please stop reposting my content on AO3 thinking I won't find it. I'm literally everywhere you clowns.

To everyone else: Thank you for reading this mess- I really apologize for the messy storyline, but I just wanted to put this out before the entire thing escaped me again and I would end up struggling to find my way back into it (cough cough flashback to mean lmao). I promise to somewhat post more regularly. Thank you for your kind words and for sticking with me!

[make-me-imagine]

Scenario Prompts: 5/29 A; Tony Stark compliments you all the time because he has a crush on you. 

Requested by: @spuffyfan394​​​​

Pairing: Tony Stark x Gen!Neutral Reader

Triggers: None         Words: 1,966

Everything taglist: @criminaly-supernatural​​, @caswinchester2000​​ Marvel Taglist: @aquariuslavenderhoney​, @trashywritestrash​, @groovyfluxie​, @marvelouslyme96​, @supersourlemon13​, @mochamoff​, @simsiddy​

Notes: It’s kind of a mixture of flirting and compliments. Also; I use the song reference to ‘The Fantasticks’ because in Civil War when you see Tony’s mom in his memory, she is singing a song from it.  Also, I’m having a bit of writers block, so I can’t tell if this is really that good. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When you were recruited to join the Avengers you knew it would be both exciting and dangerous, but you had still underestimated how quickly things would get out of hand on the simplest of missions.

“You just had to egg him on didn’t you?!” you yelled as you and Steve ran for cover “We could have easily taken him but noooo, you just had to make him mad.”

“We needed him to reveal his plan, it’s not my fault I had no idea he had a weapon like that!” Steve yelled back just as a huge wave of energy smacked against the back of you, the man firing off the huge sonic weapon he unveiled.

As you grunted in pain, rolling to a stop, Steve grabbed your arm as you stumbled behind a wall, catching your breath and wincing from the pain.

“That didn’t look very fun” you heard a familiar voice through your coms as you looked up, seeing Tony and Rhodey coming in their suits.

“Took you long enough, where had you guys been?” Steve asked.

“Just went out for coffee, you guy’s didn’t want anything did you?” Tony quipped as he and Rhodey began firing at the sonic weapon, successfully stopping it from firing.

As they were doing so, you spotted another man coming out from a nearby building, pointing a weapon at Tony’s back. Quickly reacting, you grabbed Steve’s shield before jumping behind Tony. Tony spun around just as the man fired. He had a smaller sonic weapon that he fired at you. Hitting the shield it launched you back, Tony reached out and grabbed you, supporting you as you held up the shield, that was now reflecting the sonic beam.

Steve, when seeing what happened, quickly reacted by running quickly to the man and taking him out. You let down your arms in relief once he did, your arms feeling heavy from the weight of holding up the shield.

“Nice one newbie” Tony said as his helmet retracted revealing his face and the small present on it.

You sighed as you looked up at him “I’ll take that coffee now.” You joked, making him chuckle.

“Maybe I’ll get you one when we get back.” He said as he placed his hand on your upper back as he turned to Steve who was approaching. Handing back his shield Steve nodded his head at you as Tony spoke “You better be careful Cap, Y/n looked like a natural with that thing, if you’re not careful they’ll steal your job.” He turned as he began to leave “God knows they’d look better in the suit.” he finished with before he began to fly off with Rhodey further into the compound.

You and Steve looked at each other with similar eye rolls before you began to make your way through the compound to find the rest of the men you were after.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You hummed quietly to yourself as you tapped your leg, reading over the file Fury had given you about a possible harmful organization you’d be checking out. Engrossed in your thoughts and the document you didn’t see Tony come in the room.

He leaned against the counter as he watched you for a moment, listening to the song you were humming to yourself. He felt a wave of nostalgia and melancholy as you continued to hum the tune, beginning to mumble quietly to yourself as you sang the lyrics. 

“For I can see it, shining somewhere. Bright light’s somewhere invite me to compare-”

You cut yourself off as you flipped the page of the document you had as you continued to read. 

“My mother loved that show.” Tony finally said, making your head shoot up as you looked at him surprised. 

“Oh, Tony I didn’t hear you come in- Wait, you’re mother?” 

He nodded as he walked towards you “She used to play the piano and sing songs from it all the time.” His thought went back to the last day he saw her and his father.

You smiled lightly at him “My father used to play the songs when he was working.” You replied making him smile. 

“They had similar taste then.” Tony said before taking the file from your hands, “You’ve got a good voice you know.” 

He said simply making you chuckle “You wouldn’t say that if you actually heard me try.”

Tony smiled at you as he handed the file back “I think I would.” He commented before turning away “We’ll be leaving in a few hours, so read up.” 

You watched as he left the room, wondering why he says the things he does. He switched from flirty to nice so often it gave you whiplash. You smiled to yourself as you shook your head, reading over the files once again. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You sighed to yourself as you looked around the crowded room as people drank and laughed. Tony was holding another party and the Avengers were more or less required to show up, at least for a little while. So you did your duty, dressed up nice and made an appearance. Though you had no real intention of staying all night. 

“Nice outfit.” You heard a voice comment from behind. 

Turning you see Tony, wearing a black silk suit and a smile. “You too” you said in reply as he came and stood right next to you, looking into the crowd of people. 

“I didn’t think this was your kind of thing.” 

You shrugged “It can be, sometimes. Doing it right after a mission that involved being shot at and attacked for four hours straight isn’t exactly ideal though.” 

He cocked his head and smiled “Well, I wouldn’t have held it against you if you didn’t show. But I’m glad you did. I got to see you all dressed up.” He looked at you with a flirty smirk. 

You met his eyes for a minute before smiling “Hmm” you hummed out before turning and walking into the crowd, leaving Tony to watch you with a mild look of confusion. 

You hated that Tony’s flirtatious comments were getting to you. Not because it was annoying you, but because he flirted with everyone, which meant that most likely there wasn’t any genuine feelings behind them. And that was why they irritated you, because you wanted there to be something, anything behind his words. You had developed feelings for the rich playboy superhero, and you hated that his feelings could be one-sided. Part of you told you he did have feelings for you, but you couldn’t assume, you wouldn’t. 

These thoughts drifted to the back of your mind as the night went on, distracted by the other Avengers and visitors you met with throughout the night. 

As you watched small groups of people make their way to the dance floor, as the band began to play slower music, you felt a tap on your shoulder. Looking back, your eyes met those of a man named Thomas. A shield agent you had met a few times. Annoying, rude and thinks to highly of himself. 

You put on a fake smile in greeting as he grinned at you “Y/n, I’m glad I finally got to catch you. I was wondering if you might dance with me.” 

As you opened your mouth to speak, wracking your brain for an excuse, you were cut off as someone appeared by your side, somewhat cutting you off from Thomas. 

“Hey there, sorry to interrupt there Tyler, but I’ve already got dibs on this dance.” Tony said as his hands lightly gripped your arms, pushing you towards the dance-floor. 

“Uh, it’s Thomas sir- I”

“Oh, yeah sorry about that Tommy.” He replied quickly as he pulled you into the crowd. 

As he pulled you closer to him and began leading in the dance you shook your head and chuckled “You’ve already got dibs on this dance?” 

Tony shrugged his head “Oh, what you mean you didn’t know? You’re welcome by the way.” He said with a smile. 

You chuckled lightly as you began dancing smoothly to the music, Tony’s hand rested lightly on your waist “I had a question.”

“Shoot” you replied. 

“Did I offend you earlier. You walked off with an air of ‘shut up Tony’.” He asked while meeting your eyes. 

You smiled lightly, you guess now was a better time than any to talk about it “I can only take so much of your empty flirting Tony. You should save it for the people who beg you for your attention.” You said while glancing at a group of people eyeing the two of you, mostly with indignation.

You saw an unusual emotion pass over Tony’s face before he leaned a little closer to you “Who said it’s empty flirting?”

“Isn’t it?” You asked curiously “You flirt with everyone that has a pulse and a pretty face.” 

He scoffed “Oh come on, that’s keeping up appearances.” He said with mild offense before meeting your eyes “None of the flirting or complements I have said to you are empty.” 

You stared at him for a moment, reading him. “Then why do you do it?”

A small smile crossed his face “Isn’t it obvious by now?” 

“Work with me on this one.” You challenged, wanting him to say it. You needed to hear it. 

Your dance slowed to a near stop as his gaze into your eyes grew in intensity. Leaning forward, he brought his lips close to your ear “I flirt with you because I like you, not platonically, not in a shallow on the surface way that everyone expects of me.” He leaned back, meeting your eyes, his face close to yours “I like you. A hell of a lot more than I’ve ever liked anyone else. And honestly, it scares the shit out of me. Because I’ve never felt this way for anyone, and it’s true, I flirt because it’s what I’m good at. I don’t know how to express myself any other way.”

Your heart began to beat heavier in your chest as he spoke, his eyes and voice telling you it wasn’t a joke and that he was telling the truth. You smiled at him, and saw him relax slightly as you did so. “And here I thought you’d never admit it.” you said quietly. 

A smile broke out on his face as he tightened his grip around you, beginning to dance with you again. “Well, believe it or not, I’m not as confident as everyone thinks I am.” 

“That’s alright, I don’t mind. I like that side of you.” You said with a smile. 

Tony stood still suddenly, bringing you to a stop again as you looked at him curiously. Bringing his hand up be brushed his hand across the side of your face for a moment “I’m glad, you’re one of the few who’s seen it, and one of the few who I’d like to know about it, so maybe-”

“Keep it a secret?” you asked with an air of amusement.

“You understand me so well.” He quipped as he stared back into your eyes, his eyes flicking to your lips, an action you did not miss. “What are you doing tomorrow?” he quickly changed the subject. 

“Nothing, it’s my day off.” 

“Good, go out with me.”

“Where?” 

“Haven’t decided yet but it’ll be fun.” 

“Not another party though right?” 

“No, just the two of us.”

“A date then?” You asked with a smile, which he mirrored. 

“Exactly.” 

“Sounds like a somewhat thought out plan to me, I’ll be there.” 

You shared an amused smile as you continued to dance to the music, completely ignoring your surrounding as you finally aired out your feelings for one another. 

xx

I’m bad a endings lol

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[hannie-dul-set]

DON’T THINK, JUST DO — na jaemin.

SUMMARY. an overthinker, a piece of advice, a sudden confession, and a subtle meltdown.

PAIRING. na jaemin x g.n. reader GENRE. high school! au, f2l, fluff, humor WARNINGS. swearing WORD COUNT. 1.6k TAGLIST. @danishmiilk​ @wownajaemin​ @leejunini​ @astroboy-lele​ @unknown5tar​ @yunoyeol​ @w0nni3wrld​ @charm-art​ @bat-shark-repellant​ @nct-writers​ @czennienet​ @neowritingsnet​ @kpopscape​

NOTE. surprise LMAO take this quick fic that i wrote in a couple of hours after a bathroom apology for being mia this past week, for not keeping my promises, and for my further disappearance within the next few days/weeks because i am, quite frankly, about to mcfreaking die <3 enjoy.

Self study period. Eight in the morning. Everything was normal— seemingly normal— save for the empty spot beside you where your deskmate should be occupying, perhaps pestering you yet again about the importance of eating breakfast if he were here, but he wasn’t. It was odd.

He’s never been late before.

Saying that makes it sound like you were closely knitted with Na Jaemin, the present absentee and your deskmate for about three years, but you couldn’t admit that you were. You couldn’t admit that you weren’t, either. Still, even if you weren’t as bro with him like his members in the school’s dance team, or as involved in his personal troubles as his childhood best friend, but at least you’ve seen the kind of lunch he brings to school every single day for three straight years. That was probably enough to form some sort of bond— though trivial, maybe even feeble, but it was enough.

That was also enough for you to develop an unsurprising crush on him. Your self-awareness was annoying enough to throw away any ounce of denial.

Which was also why you were worrying over your head when he missed the first period, even more so when he arrived like a disheveled zombie midway through the second.

“Na Jaemin,” you greeted his tardy arrival with your eyebrows creasing in worry. He greeted you with a usual good morning and his usual smile— or so he attempted to. But that smile lasted for approximately 0.813 seconds before he fell onto his seat with a contorted groan. “What’s wrong? Are you sick? Did you practice too hard yesterday? Gosh, you should know better than to overdo it.”

Jaemin only whined when you reached out to pitifully caress his hair, his gaunt face and evident dark circles down buried in his arms. “I’m so tired.”

Dear lord, what happened to the model student that seemed to shine day in, day out despite his overly packed and strenuous schedule? You frowned, telling him that he should just sleep through the rest of the morning and you’d cover for him, but he rose from his slumped over position and waved you off. 

“I can manage,” he gave you a tired smile. “I already missed a lot by being late.”

“You idiot, are you trying to die?” you huffed, snapping your attention off of him in annoyance. “Wait a minute, why does he look fine? Tsk. Lee Donghyuck were you slacking off while your team members were dancing to death?”

The man in question flinched, dropping his phone with a painful noise onto the table when you turned around and smacked a notebook onto his desk.

“Oi, what the fuck? What would you know when you weren’t even there?”

“Then why do you still look fresh while poor, tired Jaemin over here is—”

“It’s not that.”

You turned back around to the worn out voice beside you.

“I just didn’t get any sleep last night.”

To your surprise, Jaemin was the one who came to Donghyuck’s aid.

Donghyuck’s glare was enough to drill two gaping holes into your skill, and you simply bowed and gave him a sheepish grin in apology before switching your attention lanes back to Jaemin. Not the most embarrassing thing you’d ever done, but shameful all the same. “Then why didn’t you say so— anyway, that’s not the point. Did you stay up playing games again? Gosh, did Lee Jeno force you to rank with him? I swear, you guys should—”

“It’s kinda nice to see you worrying about me,” he chuckled, falling back down into his desk with his arms crossed and looking up at you with an invisible, fond grin. “But it’s not that either.”

Damn your stomach for suddenly deciding to stumble over at that insignificant gesture of his. He wasn’t even doing anything, but look at you. All of a sudden, guilt decided to gnaw at your conscience because while Na Jaemin was barely holding onto his consciousness, you were busy fawning over his charms despite the fatigue. You didn’t deserve to sit next to him.

“I was thinking.”

Your thoughts froze.

“About?”

“Things.”

“Like…?”

“Whether I should do this or not, whether I should just give up or not, whether I’m actually stupid or not...” Jaemin sighed, eyes closed in contemplation, or perhaps finally in drowsiness. You hoped that he’d just give in and sleep. “...those things.”

What could he have possibly been thinking about that the poor boy couldn’t even sleep? Whatever it was— cure that entirely. This was a crime. Maybe you shouldn’t confiscate his thermos of coffee later.

“Aish,” you raked your fingers through your hair, expelling an exasperated sigh. “Na Jaemin, as a professional overthinker, let me give you some professional advice—”

He perked up, eye now a little wider and looking at you in a swirl of interest and attentiveness.

“—don’t.”

And now confusion was thrown into the mix.

“You see, it’s an endless, torturous cycle with the only endgame being regret. You believe that you’re only gonna mull it over for a mere moment, weigh your pros and cons, and come up with a decision after a few minutes of thinking—” you breathed it sharply, shaking your head in faux dismay. “—but the ‘what if’s’ come around and before you know it, it’s already five in the fucking morning and you have to go to school in a few hours looking like a contaminated corpse.”

Jaemin blinked his sunken eyes at you. He wasn’t sure what to say, but somehow your speech full of vigor, confidence, and a ridiculous form of charisma drew out all the exhaustion from his veins. He buried his face back into his arms to avoid looking at you.

“Right?”

He pressed his lips together to prevent a smile from forming too wide, but you wouldn’t be able to see, anyway. “Right, you’re right,” but maybe you could hear it in the tone of his muffled voice.

You grinned, proudly nodding to yourself at his affirmation. “Which is why, before you end up following me into this hidden circle of hell— you should just stop. Don’t think. Fuck impulse control. There’s no time to regret when you’ve already done it. It’s not easy. Absolutely not. But it’s better to just get it over with and deal with the consequences after rather than living in an endless loop. So repeat after me— don’t think.”

Slowly, Jaemin peeked out from his huddled position, sitting up straight and looking right at you.

“Don’t think.”

“Just do.”

“Just do.”

“Perfect! You got it,” you beamed. “Don’t think, just do, okay? I believe in you, Jaemin.”

The advice that was haphazardly spilling from your lips was seemingly a bit crooked in nature— arguably so— but he seemed to be genuinely considering it. Jaemin was silent for a moment, blanking out at the rows in front of the both of you before he softly spoke up, eyebrows scrunched together, his head cocking to the side.

“Should I...?”

“Yeah, definitely! You don’t have anything to lose if you do it, right?” he spared another moment of consideration, and you kept going. “...whatever it is— but that doesn’t matter, just do it. If you do, you wouldn’t lose another night of sleep because of it.”

Self study period went on as is, but luckily you two weren’t the only ones not studying. You left him alone to rest and think about it more while you scribbled down answers for an assignment that was due later— highly contradictory to your suggestion of not thinking, but all was released when you heard Jaemin drop his pen to the table, followed after by a long, deep sigh.

“Alright.”

A bright smile overtook you as you busied yourself with the assignment.

“I like you.”

That smile disappeared with a loud and violent cough.

Oh, what the fuck.

“You told me to just do it, so there, I just did it. I like you,” he yawned as he melted into his books, peering over to look at the utter shock and disbelief in your frozen expression. Jaemin had to hold back a laugh. “You don’t have to follow your own advice— take as much time as you need— but I don’t want you losing sleep over me just as I did over you.”

With that, he decided that this was the best fucking time to finally disappear into sleep. You wanted to scream— the feeling of your throat twisting over itself with the indignant desire to squeeze out something, but there was sharp heat at every breath that prevented you from doing so.

You settled for two words only.

“Holy fuck.”

“Thank you for that quick and eloquent response,” Jaemin flipped over, looking at you with tired eyes and an equally tired smile, but despite all that he was still lively. “At least it wasn’t a blatant rejection.”

You thought that you wouldn’t have to make eye contact with him when his bangs were messily covering his eyes, but your regret came late when you caught the subtle quirk of the corners of his lips when you looked down at him in your daze. “W—wait, who said anything about rejecting you? How dare you drop that bomb onto me when I’m unprepared? I’m never giving you advice ever again.”

Self study period over. Nine in the morning. The bell rang and before your deskmate of three years, your crush of a little less than that could slip back into the slumber that he’d missed because of you, he managed to speak in a soft voice.

“Take your time.”

© hannie-dul-set, 2021.

[most-like-a-marshfire]

Another thing I've been thinking about - or how singing is accidentally really spiritual and how this might work in Motherland Fort Salem.

So in my last post I talked about face shapes.

Another thing that really influences the colour of the sounds one can produce, as well as the intensity, is age. And this makes me a little excited in relation to MFS because Alder has the power to vary her age.

Disclaimer: you might have already noticed in my previous post that the perspective that I'm using in regards to singing is a classical one. That's what I was trained in and I think that there are a lot of merits to looking at singing from that vantage point. I would argue that classical singing is at the same time the most technically challenging kind of singing - it has to be; classical singing is supposed to reliably fill concert halls just with your voice without ruining your health after a week, no microphones - and the way of singing where you need to understand your voice so well that you can then, using this knowledge, protect it better from overuse.

Also - and this is the way it was for me but I think this happens generally in the classical approach - classical singing allows you to go to your lesson and then you and your teacher try to figure out what your voice is like exactly, what your weaknesses and strengths are and then how to allow all your different potential to shine. We think a lot about face shapes, voice projection and breath support - and age.

The colour of your voice changes naturally as you age, and I'm not speaking of the voice change in puberty, I'm speaking of the maturation of your voice in your 40s.

For sopranos in the classical world (I'm a soprano so this is what I know) this change is quite important, very, very generally one can say:

- children: naturally have a lot of higher frequencies in their voices, they can be very light and aethereal and bright. They usually don't have a lot of natural vibrato, so their sound is slimmer, sometimes flute-like. I'm thinking of a young Jean-Baptiste Maunier:

He starts singing at around 1.25.

-young sopranos (ca. 14/5 to 35) - (usually) lyrical sopranos: retain much of the brightness and lightness of the child voice but - see voice change - they have a lot more natural vibrato and their voice is a little darker than a child's voice. A really nice example of the kind of sound I'm talking about here is this recording by Lucia Popp:

She sounds like a bell, it's quite extraordinary.

- older sopranos (ca. from late 30s on) - lyrical sopranos can become dramatic sopranos: some lyrical sopranos gain sufficient dark colours and weight in their voice to be able to sing what is called "dramatic repertoire", i.e. pieces that we usually associate with 'operatic divas'. These older sopranos are able to sing pieces that require both more vibrato as well as more volume and fullness of sound - you can't sing Wagner satisfactorily, you might not even make it through his operas, if you are not a dramatic soprano. Funnily enough, the recording by Lucia Popp that I've just mentioned is actually a miscasting - the Queen of the Night is a dramatic soprano, her arias are intense, passionate and somewhat violent, you need a dramatic soprano for this. (Lucia Popp's recording is very beautiful but aesthetically, and for this role in the opera, it's not right).

A fitting Queen of the Night would be someone like Diana Damrau:

Now what has that got to do with Motherland Fort Salem.

The witches are not classically trained (and frankly, the workings don't make sense mechanically, sound production does not work the way it's envisioned there) but that aside they do use their voices and the development I've described for classical singers happens to everyone - if you sing or not, classical singers are just really attuned to noticing and using this changing of the voice.

Age-wise, Alder would be in the age bracket for a dramatic soprano; which is interesting to me because Alder is depicted as being able to wield powerful, momentous kinds of magic; and in the classical singing world this power to raise a storm and make the sea boil is very much dramatic soprano. Not saying that a lyrical soprano couldn't do it but it wouldn't have the same energy and power.

I think this might be quite a nice counterweight to 'witches must be young and sexy' (which we thankfully don't have in MFS). If it's about singing and power, the middle-aged witches are MOST definitely the most powerful hands down. They'll need to have taken care of their voices in their youths and trained properly but if they have; well, dramatic sopranos are terrifying.

So, if this was applied to MFS the shape of the face would not be the only thing the trainees would be paying attention to. They would also be very invested in taking care of themselves and in making the best out of their already existing vocal talent. To be fair, having only dramatic soprano types would be a little boring (I'm actually more of a sucker for warm, lyrical sopranos), but then again, I suppose workings don't actually have to only be about war, violence and destruction (and sorry dramatic sopranos but this is you).

Also (caution: bad joke): you do need to be a certain age to fully understand the weight of your actions (hence, for weightier actions, older age and weightier voice is more effective). To wreak destruction, you must understand it. This is the burden, pain, and wisdom of age. (Cue Alder being really powerful, no surprise.)

If I were Alder, I would let my age vary depending on what kind of working she has to perform - for all the powerful, aggressive stuff, her age is perfect. But for more subtle workings, or more serene and peaceful workings, her voice would sound better younger. And now isn't it interesting that Khalida, head of the Tarim, a pacifist witch clan, seems really old but is in a child's body with a child's voice.

I like to imagine two things:

- child Alder - because sometimes you need other kinds of workings, too - walking around Fort Salem, her biddies in tow, and giving dubiously looking recruits or recruits who dare squat down and ask her if she is lost an absolute death glare.

- and child Alder and her biddies standing in a field, under a sky full of stars and singing long lost seeds of her family. And any nosy recruits who whisper: what is she doing there? - are shushed. "She is capturing the light of the stars, ephemeral and bright."

[cafeacademia]

Admirers || Part i

Draco x Reader

Summary: Both Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini have developed feelings for their friend at different points of their lives, but now as Valentine’s Day approaches, they realise there’s only space for one of them in your heart.

Warnings: Jealousy, fluff, mild angst, thoughts of potential unrequited love, soft Draco

Word count: Approx 2740

Masterlist

A/N: Hi loves! Here’s the first part to a mini series that will have at least one other part, plus two extra parts after that for you to choose which boy the reader ends up with! I hope you enjoy, also apologies, I’ve not heavily edited this, please forgive mistakes, I’m just writing this for fun 💕

He admired you, the light warm and hazy as he gently gripped a folded parchment between his fingers, watching as you sat alone in the library. You looked so pretty in the mid afternoon glow that was cast by the old wobbled glass windows, the sun shining through the drafty panes.

It was early February, the wind carrying a drift of heavy snow through the grounds, the sun’s usually bright hue was softened to a gentle warmth by the misty clouds.

But what softened Draco more was that while you were relaxed in your seat, you sat with his Slytherin scarf draped around your shoulders to keep the cold draft at bay. He loved seeing you like that, wearing his things, seeing how comfortable you looked as you wore something that belonged to him, that smelled like him.

You might have been best friends, but Draco couldn’t deny he saw something more and as he stood at the edge of the bookcase, his fingers running along the crease of the parchment in his hands, he pushed away from the bookcase to approach you. Though, as he stood a step in your direction, his movements diverted when another student, seemingly appearing out of nowhere approached you more quickly than he had and Draco’s jaw clenched in sudden irritation as he watched.

“There you are, I was looking everywhere for you.” Blaise Zabini said as he pulled out the chair next to you, dropping into his seat and scooting up close to your side. Why did it anger Draco so much to see Zabini this close to you? It wasn’t as if you liked Blaise, was it? No more than a friend or a classmate he had supposed, but now as you glanced over at the Slytherin next to you with a dreamy little smile, Draco felt little cause to justify his irritation now and instead of approaching you like he had intended, for once, he turned around and walked away.

“You were? Well I was right where I told you I’d be, I think you’re just making up for the fact that you’re late.” You said teasingly, prodding Blaise in the arm as you slid your textbook across so that he could see what you were working on. “We’ve got another few days until our project is due, I’ve finished this part of the analysis, but I think we still need to do some research on the properties inside of the lake.” You explained, shuffling around some papers and showing Blaise everything so he could catch up on what you had done.

Had it not been for this very class project, you might not have gotten to know Blaise much more than you already did. You had of course hung out with him now and again while you were around Draco, but he tended to stay quiet in groups. It was only until he was your assigned project partner that you actually got to know him better and you were pleasantly surprised to say the least. Blaise was charming, quiet and enthralling, he had an air about him that was brooding, his strong silence emitting an even stronger confidence. While he appeared quite stoic, it was however, not uncommon for him to smile around you and you had begun to grow quite fond of the way he looked at you.

“I’m sure we can get this all done before the weekend, we wouldn’t want it to get in the way of any plans for Valentine’s day.” Blaise said, a smirk playing on his lips as he spoke, though you didn’t catch it, far too busy collecting your papers together. “Oh don’t worry about that,” You said, pausing for a moment as you closed the textbook that sat between you. “I don’t really have any plans.” You added, looking at him with a little smile as you began to pack away your things.

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning? We can finish off the last of our research before class on Friday.” You asked, getting up from your seat, the Slytherin looking up at you from his lounged position in his chair with a lopsided smile. “I was actually hoping that you might join me for dinner?” Blaise asked, watching as you put the last of your things away, your movements slowing as you listened to his question. “I’m sorry Blaise, I already promised Draco I’d eat with him tonight.” Giving him an apologetic smile, you sighed a little and picked up your bag, turning away to leave your project partner to finish working on his part of the work.

“Dray! Wait a second, won’t you?” You asked, hurrying to catch up with your best friend as you quickly hurried along towards the bridge towards him. “How did the project go?” Draco asked, his voice more glum than usual, hands shoved into his trouser pockets and a look of discontent on his features. You were a little disappointed that you hadn’t been greeted by him with his usual enthusiasm to see you and instead, you pulled his scarf off your shoulders, circling around to his front to gently wrap the soft woollen garment around his neck, the ashen haired boy giving you a soft smile as you did.

You always managed to pull him in, make him feel like he was sinking in something so wonderful, heavenly like sweet honey, thick soft blankets or something as utterly divine as silk. It was that way especially when your fingers brushed his, like they did now, your hand almost accidentally brushing against his, and yet he did not flinch away, nor did he reach for you, Draco just purely appreciated it and smiled as you looked up at him with unrivalled joy at just seeing your best friend.

“It went okay, Blaise was late again and he hasn’t finished his part of the project yet either.” You sighed, Draco didn’t catch whether you had rolled your eyes or not when you stepped back to walk along at his side, but he imagined you might have accompanied that statement with an eyeroll. “Of course he hasn’t.” Draco mumbled, gritting his teeth as you walked along together. “What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked, glancing up at him, the ashen haired boy just looking down at you with a soft smile, raising his hand from his pocket to affectionately rest it on the back of your head for a moment. “Nothing, Zabini likes leaving things until the last minute is all, don’t let him stress you out. I still don’t know how he manages to pull that all together into a good grade at the end.” Draco sighed, slowly resting his hand on your shoulder before he pulled it back down into his pocket.

“You’ll tell me if he tries to mess with the project, won’t you? I don’t want him taking your credit or something ridiculous.” Draco asked, glancing over at you as you paused halfway across the bridge to look out across the still frozen lake. “I don’t think he will, but I’ll tell you if he does.” You assured him, nodding as you sunk against his side, the boy putting his arm around you.

“Draco, do you perhaps… Have any plans for um-.” You cut yourself off mid sentence, nervous to really ask what you had been about to and you glanced over at him, only to wish that in some ways, you hadn’t. He was listening to you so intently, a small, warm smile on his lips as he waited for you to finish your question, brows slightly raised in a questioning fashion as he met your eyes, his smile widening as he did. “The weekend?” You finally finished your sentence, your voice smaller than you had intended it to be and avoiding the Valentine's day question that had been on the tip of your tongue, but that you had been too shy to ask about. Draco looked away for a moment, smiling to himself as you nervously fidgeted beside him, his arm pulling you closer against his side and squeezing you tightly. “No, but I was going to ask-.” “There you are!” Blaise said for the second time that day, practically legging it across the bridge towards you, Draco’s arm sliding off your shoulder as he approached.

“I think you took one of my papers with you, I need it to finish what I was writing and I swear it was on the desk when I came to the library.” Blaise said, watching as you awkwardly apologised and began to rifle through your bag. “I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.” Blaise said rather nonchalantly, Draco fixing a heavy glare on his friend and if looks could kill, this was by far the most deadly glare Draco had thrown at a single person before. But either it went straight over Blaise’s head or he knew not to dig much further and he took the paper that you had extended towards him and with a badly placed smirk and charming wink, Blaise threw you a smooth, “Thank you sweetheart.” Before turning away and returning to the castle.

Sweetheart. That really boiled Draco’s blood, his jaw clenched so tightly that it would ache for the rest of the day and his hands were so tightly balled up into fists that there would surely be indents from where he had dug into his palms in pure irritation. He’d have to say something, speak up about it because as far as Draco was concerned, you weren’t Blaise’s. You were his, as long as you’d have him.

“Are you alright, Draco?” You asked softly, looking up at him with concern in your eyes, the Slytherin glancing at you and slowly letting the tension go, relaxing a little as you reached out for him and gently took his hand in yours. Letting out a sigh, he closed his eyes for a moment to collect himself, wanting not to snap at the person he loved so dearly and opened his eyes to give you a faint smile. “Yes love, come, let’s enjoy the snow before it gets dark.”

“Morning, I see you’re early today.” You smiled, approaching Blaise in the library the next morning as he stood in front of a bookcase with a small stack of books in his arms, presumably about Hogwarts history and the magical properties of the geological surroundings of the school. “Yeah, I wanted to get a head start since I slacked a bit on the last part we worked on.” Blaise said idly as he thumbed through a book. “I think this is everything we need, shouldn’t take us too long.” He told you, giving you a big smile before walking you over to the table he had picked for you both to sit at.

It wasn’t long into your research, both of you making notes as you sifted through information in the books before Blaise turned to casual conversation to fill the silence. “So, you and Malfoy,” He paused, watching as you looked up from your notebook with a raised eyebrow. “What about Draco?” You asked. “Are you two a thing?” Blaise asked.

“A what?” You questioned. “A thing, y’know are you dating?” He asked more bluntly this time and you jerked back in your seat a little at how direct his question had been. “Oh, no we’re- no we’re not.” You said it with a slight frown, dropping your voice in the last part of your sentence, dipping back into your book. While some might have read your response as being one of disappointment, Blaise smiled to himself as he thought about it. “So yesterday on the bridge wasn’t- I mean I wasn’t interrupting a date, was I?” Blaise asked. “A date?” You almost snorted, surely Draco would never date you. Of course, you were best friends, you’d had a crush on him for the longest time, but he had never made a move towards you in all of the years you had known each other and you didn’t think he would either. “No, we were just hanging out. We’re just friends, Blaise.” You said, an edge of discomfort in your voice.

“In that case, fancy a butterbeer tomorrow after we hand in our project, I’m free all afternoon.” Blaise grinned, watching as you paused, slowly lowering your quill and looking up at him with mild disbelief on your features. “A date, perhaps, or just as friends?” He added with confidence in his voice as he leaned against the table, casually lounging as he leafed through the book as if he hadn’t just asked you on a date. “Um-.” “It’s okay, you don’t have to say yes, it’s a no pressure thing. Just thought that since we’ve been working on this project that you might want to let off some steam and wind down before the weekend.” Blaise interrupted your hesitancy and while you sat there, wondering for a moment what your answer might be, you looked up to meet his eyes, your heart softened by the confident smile that he wore as he waited for your response.

It wasn’t as if you had any plans and the idea of celebrating the end of the project you had both worked hard on did seem like a nice way to end it. And yet, while you contemplated, your mind flicked to Draco for a moment and you sighed, thinking it over. You wanted to spend time with him, but you were always scared to go further than just friends, especially because he never really showed much interest in going further with you. So instead, you looked up a Blaise, met his eyes with a sweet smile and nodded. “Actually, a butterbeer sounds good.” You told him, the boy’s smile widening into a bright grin. “Brilliant.”

It wasn’t long before you both finished the last of your research, Blaise volunteered to write it up and promised to deliver the paper to you later that day for you to read and you were finally able to get on with the rest of your day. It was just then, as you exited the library just after Blaise, that Draco stopped you in the hallway.

“Hi love, how did it go?” Draco asked, gently leaning his arm against the wall so he could stand over you as you talked. You couldn’t lie, having him stand over you like that made you feel a certain way, but nearly everything Draco did around you made you feel flushed and giddy and shy. “Do you just lurk until I’m done studying?” You teased, unable to meet his eyes, the Slytherin snorting out a laugh. “Something like that, I wasn’t far away and I knew you’d finish around this time.” Draco shrugged, gently tugging your books out of your hands to carry them himself. “Besides, I prefer filling my time with you.” Draco said it offhandedly, if only he knew exactly how that had made you feel, the butterflies in your stomach and the way it melted you.

“Are we still on for our day together on Saturday?” Draco asked as you walked along together towards your next class. “Of course we are, I’d never miss it.” And you wouldn’t, you spent every Saturday with Draco and contrary to spending time together all day, this was different. It was a time to relax and unwind from the week together. And more importantly, it was special. “Good, it’s a special one.” Draco told you as you rounded the corner, the two of you stopping outside of your classroom before he handed you your books and backed away from you with a lopsided grin and dreamy look in his eyes.

And as you watched him walk away, you couldn’t help but wonder what Saturday was all about. Besides, Valentine’s day was just around the corner and the closer you got to the day, the more you wondered if something might happen.

Blaise wandered to his class with a Valentine’s day card hidden in his pocket and Draco with a sweetly worded letter in his, waiting for the opportune moment to pass it to you. Draco just wasn’t sure his spoken words would suffice, but the worry that sat in the pit of both boy’s stomachs was enough to make them both feel on edge, because they both knew the other might make a move before they could.

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[the28thofseptemberr]

helloooo!! i didn't do a fic rec last month because i was so busy with my exams and barely had time to read, so this month's post is going to comprise of mostly fics i've read in june but also some i've read in may.

thank you to all of the incredible writers, please go support them!! and remember to read all of the tags and possible warnings before reading the fic! here is the list of fics (mostly below the cut):

read

•° — led by your beating heart by @missandrogyny 29.4k | E | famous harry/non-famous louis

Nick leans over. "Oh," he says, his voice smug. "Who is that?"

Harry just blinks at his phone. "Um," he manages to stammer out.

"Who's that, Harry?" Nick asks again, but this time he raises his eyebrows and smirks. Harry knows Nick is just teasing, and that he's not really looking for new Harry Styles gossip, but, um. He might have found something. Accidentally.

Harry opens his mouth to speak, but all that comes out is another 'um'. He really needs to work on translating his thoughts into words. But then it probably wouldn't be any help right now, would it? His mind is as blank as a newly erased etch-a-sketch.

"Oh," Nick says again, this time gleefully, seemingly having picked up on Harry's distress. "Looks like we've got a story here! Are you going to call or delete her number?"

Her number. So Nick thinks it's a girl. Well, Harry can't blame him: 'Lou' is kind of an androgynous nickname. His stylist's name is Lou.

But this Lou, well, Louis, he's kind of, really, really not a girl. He's really pretty though, which, is something.

(Or: AU where Harry's in One Direction, Louis isn't, and they reconnect over a game of 'Call or Delete'.)

note: this was so funny and cute and well written, and everyone was characterized so perfectly!! i adored the chemistry between louis and harry, this fic kept me smiling for the whole time while i was reading <3

•° — sounds like love to me by @neondiamond 14.6k | G | kid fic

“Do you want to hear the heartbeat?”

Louis watches as Harry’s face falls with the realization that this is one of those things he won’t be able to experience. For a second, Louis considers saying no, to show Harry they’re truly on the same boat through all of this. But he nods in the end, reaching over for Harry’s hand as the doctor flips a switch. Noise fills the room then, and it takes a few seconds for the sound to become clear enough for Louis to make out the baby’s fast heartbeat.

“It’s really fast,” he voices his thoughts out loud as he uses his thumb to tap against the back of Harry’s hand, replicating the rapid rhythm of the baby’s heartbeat. It takes the younger man a little while to figure out what Louis’ doing, but a huge grin breaks out on his face as soon as he does.

“Is that them?” He signs with the other hand, his own eyes starting to tear up when Louis nods.

OR: Harry is deaf, Louis is pregnant. They figure it out.

note: i'm not a fan of mpreg or kid fics in general, but i stumbled across the fic post for this on my dash and the summary sounded really intriguing to me, so i had a go at reading and it did not disappoint!! it was really sweet and fluffy but also so touching and heartbreaking in some parts. plus, i really enjoyed how harry and louis worked together and supported each other.

•° — this restless dream by @afirethatcannotdie 5.6k | NR | first meetings

“Hiii, I called earlier about the dogs?” he asks, taking a few steps closer to the desk where Louis is standing. He’s taller than Louis, with a dimple when he smiles and bright green eyes. There's a cute eagerness about his whole presence. “Do you have any puppies?” He’s a bit like a puppy himself, actually.

AU. Louis works at an animal shelter and Harry wants a puppy. Things don't go quite according to plan.

note: this was so so adorable and soft, especially since i have a soft spot for h&l with pets. i also have a soft spot for h&l being oblivious lovesick idiots and this was perfect!!

•° — all i see is you, lately by @runaway-train-works 2k | G | first meetings

Harry noticed him for the first time three months ago. He couldn’t not, really, what with the man being so pretty and all, and Harry remembers it well because it was three days before his birthday and he had joked to himself that seeing someone so gorgeous for three days on the trot must be an early present from the Gods.

Or

The one where Harry has a crush on a fellow commuter.

note: this one was quite short but so sweet and perfect and lovely!!

•° — the things i'd do to wake up next to you by orphan_account 36.1k | M | amnesia fic

AU. Harry wakes up to a pregnant Louis Tomlinson and a wedding band on his finger.

note: this fic was incredible, i'm always up for an amnesia fic and this one was heart-breaking and realistic but also sweet and fluffy as well :)

•° — this glorious mess by theweightofmywords 14.2k | M | post-breakup

His head lolls to the side, and his eyes float open to focus on what used to be his bedside table.

It’s empty now, devoid of the framed photo of the two of them. And Louis knows that he has no right to feel hurt, but somehow, this only confirms what this really is.

“This is the last time,” he cries, his voice breaking both from pleasure and pain.

“I know, baby,” Harry breathes, burying his face in Louis neck.

note: this is the third mpreg-centric fic i've read this month and... i don't even like mpreg?? but god the premise of this fic intrigued me so much, and it was lovely and emotional and beautifully written.

•° — BLAH BLAH BLAH there's a moment you know (you're f*cked) by @mercurial-madhouse 3.2k | M | spy au

Anyone impulsive enough to betray their country is either foolish or overly-confident. Louis’s too cunning for the former. So his inflated ego tips precariously close to the edge between pride and hubris. In sum: He may be an expert, (as proven by the .32-cal Beretta Alleycat Harry found strapped to his back) but ex-agent Louis Tomlinson will explode like a busted bullet misfiring in a broken gunbarrel if Harry can find his trigger.

___

Or, the spy AU in which Harry thinks he's prepared to meet Louis only to find he's not.

note: the banter and tension in this fic was so good and so fun!! i need moreee

•° — every lonely place by @ham-palpert 38k | E | time travel/alternate lives fic

Facing the fact that he’s been prioritizing his career over his relationship, Harry proposes to his longtime boyfriend Louis on a whim. But when yet another work emergency takes precedence over their plans, Louis decides he’s had enough. Harry goes to bed drunk and alone, and when he wakes, he finds himself in an entirely different world. Over and over again, Harry visits a lifetime he’s once lived, across time and dimensions. And wherever there’s a Harry Styles, there’s a Louis Tomlinson.

note: this was such a unique fic! and such an emotional one too, love the message it sends and the character arc and development was so good

•° — tick-tock by bubblegumclouds 6k | G | soulmate au

When Louis was born to Jay Tomlinson with a tiny 2 years on his clock, it starts the most beautiful love story. Even if things are missed, fate finds a way to make it work.

note: this was just so, so cute and fluffy and sweet! i loved it

•° — baby baby, you're a caramel macchiato by @missandrogyny 3.2k | T | coffee shop au

So, yeah, Harry doesn't think it's that far of a stretch to call himself a good barista. There are some particularly bad ones, and some particularly good ones, and, with his work ethic, his skill, and his charm, he'd probably be lumped in with the latter group.

note: this was so lovely, and i especially really loved the little section talking about louis' name and how it suits him!

re-read

•° — one shines brighter by @afirethatcannotdie 11.8k | T | wedding fic

“Hi, baby. You doing anything fun today?” Harry shrugs. “Dunno. Thought I’d see how I was feeling before making any plans.” “You wanna get married?” Louis asks. Harry’s face breaks into a smile, and he nods. Louis’ lips are just brushing Harry’s when Gemma appears in the hallway. “You two are in so much trouble.” Harry's wedding was never supposed to be the happiest day of his life. No, that was going to be the day after, when he finally got to start his marriage. Unfortunately his family (and Louis) have other ideas.

Featuring a pair of moms who only want the best for their kids, meddling sisters with too much time on their hands, and a groom who gets caught up in the fairytale.

note: i adore this fic!! it's so so so adorable and so soft and well written, and you can feel how in love h&l are with each other. so so good!

my own fics

•° — under your bed in new york 33.4k | T | exes to lovers

"We know you're still in love with Harry."

Louis' nostrils flared up. "I'm not—"

"Louis."

"I'm not!"

there are many things louis likes to tell himself. we broke up for a reason. it's been so many years. and of course, the classic: i’ve definitely moved on from him. but when he suddenly finds harry back in his life after three years, louis realizes he might be a little less moved on than he thought.

au; spilling coffee onto an ex, being set up on dates, and having a nosy puppy might be all louis needs to find love again

note: i didn't actually write or publish this one this month, but i did edit, revamp and make a fic post for it this month so i thought i'd put it in here anyway. reblog the fic post here!

[xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx]

Someone - Ghost Ben Hargreeves x Ghost!Reader

Request: Ben hargreeves x reader who is also a ghost??? And klaus ships the hell out of em & Ghost ben x ghost reader with klaus third wheeling hehehehe i need more platonic klaus and reader stuffss

Warnings: mentions of drugs (well.. it’s Klaus) and death (uhm bc ghosts?)

Word count: 2 045

“TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR-!”

Klaus jumped up so quickly that he almost fell out of his bed. The bright sunlight that was shining into his room was blinding and hurt his eyes, mostly, but not only, due to the terrible hangover he was suffering from.

“What-“

He blinked and noticed two figures standing at the end of the bed. One was Klaus’s deceaced, adopted brother Ben, and the other was you, the also deceased neighbor, who the Hargreaves kids had been friends with for as long as they could think. Now both ghosts stood in Klaus’ room, staring down at him in worry. Klaus usually loved his sleep but today your obnoxiously loud and off-key singing had woken him up for good; saved him from the lost souls that chased him in his nightmares.

“You were screaming,” Ben explained, crouching down to his brother. “Did you hurt yourself?”

Klaus shook his head no and slowly untangled himself from his blanket, earning an unnerved screech from you.

“Seriously, you sleep in a shirt but without pants?”

You turned away, deciding that it was too early in the day to be faced with Klaus’ bare legs in all their pale beauty.

Ben just chuckled.

“You hang around all the time anyway,” Klaus answered, reaching for the hand Ben had offered him, but was only met with thin air, causing him to sigh and get up by himself. “I bet you peek when I take a bath!”

“Oh, he’s fine,” you answered Ben’s question that had originally been directed at Klaus. “If he can hit on a dead person this early in the morning, he’s fine.”

And with these words you left the room. Through the wall.

Ben watched as Klaus wandered over to the chair by his desk and grabbed a flower skirt which he put on.

“Oh man, seriously?”

“What? Flowers match my aesthetics!”

“I meant the stupid lines you throw at (y/n) all the time. You know they don’t like it! You’re just gonna chase them away eventually,” Ben complained.

“Oh, they know it’s just banter,” Klaus disagreed, “and you’re just jealous that you don’t have the courage to be so open.”

Ben’s eyes widened, and he almost would have jumped forward to cover Klaus’ mouth with his hands to make him be quiet, but it would not have made a difference anyway since he was not made of matter.

“Shh,” he hissed instead, “They might hear you!”

“Oh come on,” Klaus threw his hands in the air, “did you still not tell them you like them? I didn’t raise you to be such a coward!”

“Yeah, you didn’t raise me at all,” Ben spit back, “and it doesn’t have to do anything with cowardice, just so you know.”

“Oh really, then why didn’t you tell them yet?”

Ben sighed, not sure what to answer. He did like you, very much in fact. But you were friends, and if he confessed that he liked you… the usual problems anyone who had ever been in love with their friend. But with the little additional problem that both of you were dead. For all eternity. You would both be stuck together in this weird situation until the end of time.

In the meantime, oblivious to the conversation that was going on in Klaus’ room, you were wandering around the Hargreaves mansion. Sometimes it upset you that you had no possibility to talk to anyone, other times you had fun commenting on the inhabitants’ routines the same way a sports reporter would, but today you were content just strolling around the house.

Grace was sitting in the gallery, embroidering flowers onto a white piece of cloth. For a while you watched her precise movements, then you walked over to the edge of the balustrade and watched Diego practicing his knife throwing. He was standing at the bottom of the stairs, and was throwing his knives against the door while turning to change the angle as often as possible. With slight amusement you watched the cold metal blades boring themselves into the massive wood where they stayed stuck, vibrating from the impact.

After you had watched Diego for a while you walked downstairs into the kitchen, where you found Luther brooding over his oatmeal.

“Knock, knock, anyone home?”

You pretended to knock your knuckles against Luther’s head.

“Sorry, that wasn’t very nice,” you mumbled, and flopped down on the chair opposite him. “sooo, what’s going on inside that head of yours, hm?”

Since, unlike Klaus, Luther could neither see nor hear you, he did not respond or even move, he just kept staring at his half eaten breakfast.

“How do you do that, dealing with your feelings for Allison,” you wondered, still not receiving an answer, but not expecting one either, “everyone knows you guys have a thing for each other, and you are always around each other. How does that not totally destroy you?”

Luther sighed and picked up his spoon, twirling it between his fingers.

“I mean… do you feel remotely as lonely as I do? Every time I see Ben, or even think of him, I… I see what I could have, how perfect he is, how kind, how… broken. He never wanted his power, yet he was the one burdened with it, and it’s so hard for him. And I just want to help, but I also want so much more! I want to hug him, and kiss him, and tell him everything will be alright! I want to make sure he’ll always be safe and welcome with me, and… then I remember that he just does not feel the same affection for me as I feel for him… and it just sucks.”

Luther dipped the spoon into the oatmeal, and pulled it back out, but instead of eating it, he turned the spoon so the oatmeal dripped of the spoon and back into the bowl, making a strange, wet sound.

“Yeah, something like that.”

~*~

No matter how much you adored Klaus and the stupid jokes he was making, you could not always hang around him. It was not so much his character, or Ben’s constant presence that made things hard as much as it was what he poor bastard did to himself. You were pretty certain Klaus had tried out every single drug nature and mankind had ever developed, and he spent most of his waking time getting high on them. You just could not watch it. You and Ben were the only two ghosts who got through to him once he was all drugged up, and you had lost count on how many times you had tried to stop Klaus from taking whatever he was about to take, but to no avail. He never listened. And while Ben hung out with Klaus for whatever reason, you just could not. Klaus was not your responsibility, and he had made it pretty clear that he did not want your concern either. And so you tried to stay away from him most of the time he was not clear.

The sun already began to set over the city when you made your way up to the roof. You loved sitting out here, watching the last light fade in the distance and the stars creep out of their hiding. You missed the feeling of the sunbeams on your skin and the wind in your hair, but at least you still got to watch these perfectly rich colours on the horizon and on the roofs.

You wondered whether in ten, twenty, a hundred or even a thousand years you would still be able to enjoy these images as much as you enjoyed them now. Would you stop caring eventually, when everybody who had ever bound your soul to this world had died? Would you turn bitter and angry, like a poltergeist? You could not remember ever having met such a ghost. Most of the time the other dead people were just shadows of their former selves, and hardly any were as conscious and active as Ben and you. Would you lose this energy eventually? Would you too just turn into some dead shadow of your former self?

While you were still thinking about these topics, Ben had slowly approached you, and sat down next to you. Only then you noticed him.

Turning your gaze away from the skyline, you looked over at him. Ben’s eyes were closed and his head was dropped back into his neck as if he was trying to feel the wind and sun on his face. But you knew he could not. Some people might think it to be romantic to be a ghost, but really it just felt like you had been robbed of some of the best things in life, like the feeling of wind and sun and water, your favourite foods and long Sunday naps.

“How was your day,” you asked, looking back at the horizon.

“Ah, you know,” Ben shrugged, “the usual. Klaus being a dick, Klaus being annoying, Klaus sleeping, Klaus listening to music …” You laughed, and Ben could not help but feel a little proud for having made you laugh. “And yours?”

“Watched Grace, watched Diego, had a very one-sided conversation with Luther and some of the portraits in the gallery, and I am currently enjoying this wonderful sunset,” you summarized.

“What did you talk to Luther about,” Ben wondered, and for a moment you wondered if he was jealous. But of course he was not. Why should he be? Luther did not even know you existed in this afterlife.

“Allison, loneliness, as you said, the usual,” you answered.

“You’re lonely,” Ben wondered, and turned to look at you.

“Sometimes,” you admitted, “I mean… I can see my family every day, but I can’t change anything about how their lives have changed without me. I never thought my dad would be one to drink, but here we are! And my siblings are all grown up now, moving away, living… and I’m just here like… maybe I should attend college, just out of curiosity. Or go to some workshop for knitting, even if I can’t do it myself.” You hesitated for a moment, before continuing more quietly. “I just feel like I’m lacking sense. Like… something’s missing.”

“Or someone,” Ben added, more to himself, but when he looked up from where he had been staring at his hands, he saw you were looking at him.

“Someone,” you asked, not sure if you wanted an explanation.

He did not answer. He just stared at you. At the sunbeams that caught in your lashes and made them glow, but left no shadows on your cheeks, at the way your eyes skipped over his face, trying to read his expression, but failing. Over the years he had learned that the only thing that felt real in this strange state of being a ghost was the touch of another ghost, and it felt weird and foreign since it happened so rarely. Ben did not know why exactly, or whether there was any reason at all, when he leant forward and pressed his lips to yours. Maybe it was just to stop that look on your face that tried to hide disappointment. Maybe it was because he had wanted to do this since he had been a teenager. Much to his relief you did not pull away, instead you leant in, gently kissing him back and driving his heart crazy, especially when you decided to place your hand at the side of his face to pull him closer. Your skin was warm and soft and real, so different from the strange world of the living all around the two of you. Ben did not quite realise it until he had pulled away again, cheeks blushed and lips swollen, but something felt different. It was not just the ecstatic feeling of knowing you liked him just as much as he liked you, but something more. What had you said about this feeling of loneliness earlier? As if something, someone, was missing? Ben leant his forehead against you and felt your eyelashes flatter against his skin. That feeling of something missing was gone now. He had found the Someone he had been missing. You.

Taglist (if you want to be added or taken off, please let me know):

General: @robinruns @marty-delorean05 @lookalivefrosty @jayloverthe3rd @butterflycore @vamp-void @angelevansfalls @starduststyx

UA: @myrandom-fandomlife

[taetaespeaches]

“Don’t you think you’ve made me wait long enough to get my hands on you?”

seokjin x reader (or oc) genre: smut; fluff word count: 2.8K

a/n: well, this is 2.8K words of pure fluff and desire and most of it is build up but our Jinnie and Poopsie are getting it in for the first time together y’all- in a cute way though. I hope you lovelies like this one! As always, thanks for reading and I hope you all enjoy! :)) 

LOOKING at Jin skeptically, you held back a smile at his nonchalant assuredness that the rain cloud that sat above you, stretched across the moonlit evening, was “nothing”. The storm would “blow over” before it even started, he said.

He had planned an outdoor picnic under the night sky, but the increasingly stormy weather was putting a damper in his romantic plans. However, as swoon-worthy the picnic was, you had other things in mind for your evening, and your desires were getting harder to ignore.

It was a balancing act between you and Jin. On the one side, you both wanted to take it slow, not wanting to risk the natural development of your connection as a couple by moving into anything too fast. On the other side however, the pent-up need for one another after a year of friendship was beyond tempting, causing you both to want to throw caution to the wind.

And speaking of wind, your clothing was whipping in it as the outdoor conditions worsened.

“You hear that?” He asked over the sounds of the whooshing.

“What?” You asked, looking around for signs of what he was referring to.

“That’s the sound of this storm blowing over,” he lamely joked, you laughing against your will, cursing yourself for genuinely enjoying his dorky anecdotes. However, his stand-up bit was cut short when the darkened sky lit up in white, shortly followed by a loud bang of thunder.

Jin nodded once, grabbing your hand. “Ok, let’s go back,” he said simply, you giggling at his sudden change in surety. With one hand wrapped up with yours, the other carrying the cute little basket he bought just for the date, you both began the walk back to your apartment.

“Ooh,” you suddenly said in surprise, your boyfriend looking at you curiously. “I felt a rain drop.” And before he could even respond, one landed against his cheek. Followed by another on his forehead and one on your nose.

And then suddenly, the rain was pouring down on you both within seconds, Jin looking up at the sky in disappointment before dropping your hand and setting the basket down and pulling his arms out of his jacket.

“What the hell are you doing? Keep that on,” you told him, picking up the basket and trying to push him to walk. However, he didn’t listen, taking the jacket off and opening it up overtop your heads.

He nodded at you, gesturing for you to step under the jacket with him, which you did, accompanied by an eye roll. You replaced one of his hands, helping him to hold up the makeshift umbrella as he snuck his arm around your waist from beside you, holding you close to him as you both started hustling to your apartment.

The cover Jin’s jacket was meant to provide did little to shield you both from the rain. Rushing through the streets, which were glistening from the lights shining off the wet concrete, you were full of giggles as Jin let out an occasional yell of dissatisfaction.

Shortly, you found your way to your apartment complex, you both hurrying through the front entrance, halting once you got inside the foyer that acted as a mail room.

“Phew,” you let out through your labored breath, Jin lowering the jacket and shaking it out to the side, sending water droplets across the tiled floor.

“Well, fuck,” he breathed out, you giggling in response. He looked toward you with a smile, his wet hair stuck to his forehead just barely covering his eyeline, and god, he was stunning. His golden skin was dewy from the rain, droplets sliding down his neck to gather in pools at his collarbones.

Observing him in that moment, you had half a mind to check the room for security cameras, wanting him right then and there. In an attempt to ease the tension, you decided to mess with him a bit. “What happened to ‘it’ll blow over,’ huh?” You teased, Jin shooting you a playful glare. “Kidding,” you said with a guilty smile, walking toward him. “Wanna come up? We can have a picnic on the floor,” you suggested, standing in front of him as you brushed his damp fringe out of his eyes. Your gaze slowly lowered to look down his stature, appreciating the way the wet white t-shirt stuck to his chest. Maybe appreciating it a little too much to still be standing in your complex’s foyer.

“Yeah, I’m starving,” he said simply, a small smirk on his lips as he caught you blatantly checking him out.

You took the stairs to your second story apartment, Jin following closely behind you as you led the way. Your mind was racing over what would occur once you stepped into your place, because if you had it your way, his rain-covered skin would be on yours the second the door shut behind you.

It didn’t take you long to unlock the door, but Jin didn’t miss the opportunity to stand directly behind you, pressing his chest to your back, knowing the effect he was having on you. Pushing the door open, Jin kicked his shoes off quickly before he snuck past you, making a beeline to the kitchen where he placed the picnic basket on the counter. You watched him carefully as he stretched his arms over his head, his back to you, purposely showing off the expanse of it and the way his muscles contracted under the thin transparent clothing.

Pulling your own shoes off, you also discarded the jacket you wore, hanging it on the hook as a few water droplets fell to the floor. Your gaze stayed glued to Jin’s perfectly proportioned frame as you walked toward him, and when he turned around, he flashed you his stunning smile.

“You’re unbelievable,” you commented, Jin’s eyes widening as he feigned ignorance.

“Why is that?” He asked, his smile forming into a smirk as you shook your head with an annoyed chuckle. “Something bothering you, love?”

“Yeah actually,” you started, Jin’s eyebrows raising in both curiosity and anticipation. You were both sure where this playful conversation was headed, and you had no doubt he was expecting you to tell him he was the cause of your frustration. But you couldn’t give him what he wanted that easily. “That food smells delicious and your little teasing act is keeping me from it,” you told him, Jin letting out a single breathy laugh out of surprise.

“You-” he started, looking to the side of the kitchen as he thought. “You’re being unbelievable now.”

“It’s not my fault you’re such a good cook, my love,” you told him, Jin taking a quick breath in and letting it out in frustration. “What? I thought you were starving,” you teased further, Jin jumping into action as he quickly stepped toward you, your heartbeat increasing in speed with every pace he took.

“I am,” he said softly just as he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling your body against his as he kissed you gently but with need. Your hands found his shoulders, holding onto the wet t-shirt.

As the kiss deepened, you both getting more desperate, Jin’s hands traveled underneath your shirt, his hands still somehow warm on your chilled abdomen. He was always warm.

Teasingly, he pulled back just slightly, making you chase after him, Jin letting out a low chuckle. Your lips curved up, both of you smiling into the kiss, the intensity shifting into a more comfortable atmosphere. It was always easy with Jin.

His hands found the sides of your face, his thumbs soothing over your cheekbones as he slowed down the meeting of your lips until he was lightly pecking your mouth.

You separated naturally, Jin smiling softly at you as you fought back a grin of your own. “Are we doing this, love?”

Nodding at him, Jin lowered his hands to your hips as yours went to hold the back of his neck. Leaning toward him to place your lips to the side of his throat, he let out a soft groan as you sucked on his skin before trailing kisses to his jaw.

“Hang on, hang on,” he said almost frantically, you pulling back in worry. “Oh no, don’t panic,” he smiled, drawing circles on your hips underneath your shirt. “Sorry, Sweetie, can I just set some stuff up?”

“What?” You asked, your voice thick and hoarse from being caught up in the moment.

“Do you have candles?” His eyes were gentle and bright and you nearly cooed at his expression of sincere excitement.

“Uh,” you looked around your apartment, dropping your hands from your boyfriend’s neck as you started toward the television stand in the living room. “I have some here.”

He watched you walk across the room and sit in front of the stand before he followed, stopping next to the sofa. Placing a hand on the back of the couch, he felt the material under his palm, looking to the furniture with a smile.

“My love,” he called out, his tone suddenly more mature, you looking over your shoulder at him with a candle in your hands. “We should have another dinner party,” he grinned, you looking at him in confusion for a moment. “The last one was wonderful, you always put together such scrumptious meals.”

You gasped in realization that he was calling back to your IKEA outing when you bought that very couch just a few months ago. Instead of playing along, you simply grabbed another candle before standing up and walking to the man standing there with a smile on his face.

“Your candles, darling,” you said in a posh voice, Jin letting out a breathy chuckle.

“The couch does look good in here,” he told you, you looking to the furniture with a nod.

“Not bad,” you agreed.

Jin snaked his arm around your waist, pulling you to him as he placed his lips to your temple, leaving a sweet kiss before bringing his lips to hover over your ear, just barely brushing your skin. “Maybe I should take you right here on this couch,” he whispered, a chill shivering down your spine, nearly eliciting a whine from you as you inhaled sharply.

“Maybe you should,” you told him, meeting his eyes only for him to kiss you hard.

Guiding you to sit on the sofa, he gently led you to sit down, kissing you softly before pulling away and flashing you a beaming grin. “Maybe another time,” he told you before taking the candles from you. “I want this to be as perfect as possible.”

Suddenly he was walking toward your bedroom, leaving you gawking at him in shock. “Just give me a minute, love, stay there,” he called out. Why was he so fucking strange? You thought, though you were completely intrigued and smitten with his antics.

You watched your bedroom door intently, waiting for his return. Losing your patience, you stood up and walked toward the bedroom, and just as you were about to turn into your room, he walked out running right into you.

“Jesus,” he breathed in shock. “Having trouble waiting?” He teased you, you scoffing with a smile.

“Obviously,” you said, looking him up and down. “Don’t you think you’ve made me wait long enough to get my hands on you?” Your forwardness took him aback, his confident composure visibly taking a hit as he gulped.

“I want it to be special,” he told you shyly, looking toward the bedroom.

“Hey,” you placed your hand to the side of his face, guiding him to look at you. “You’re amazing, and sweet, and it’s already going to be perfect because it’s you, and it’s us, but don’t think for a second that I don’t appreciate your consideration and effort.”

His ego recovered immediately, pulling you to him in a heated kiss as he walked backward inside your room, nearly making it to the bed before you broke away to look at your surroundings.

He had scavenged a few more candles so that the room was lit up in flickering warm illumination. It was simple, but perfect. You smiled, turning to look at him as he sat on the bed, you crawling on top of him to straddle his lap.

You kissed him with intent, trying to show him how much you adored him and his care, Jin’s hands settling on your lower back. Pulling away, you found the bottom of his shirt, lifting it up over his toned abdomen, Jin raising his arms to allow you to peel the wet clothing off his body. Tossing the shirt aside, your hands slid down his chest, his skin slightly chilled from the rain.

“Are you cold?” You asked, Jin smiling as he shook his head.

“No, I’m ok,” he told you just before pulling you back to his lips, kissing you as he rolled you over onto your back, hovering over you.

Articles of clothing were shed one by one, the both of you becoming more desperate to feel each other as more skin was revealed.

The only time Jin’s hands weren’t on your frame was when he was placing a condom on, your fingertips tracing patterns onto the tops of his thighs as he kneeled over you. Lowering himself onto you, one of his hands slid up your body, resting on your ribcage just below your breast.

Your own hands wrapped around his body, settling on the curve of his ass. Jin moved his hand to the mattress next to you, supporting himself as his other hand came to rest on the side of your face, you leaning into the touch.

You pulled his hips toward you, giving him his cue, a soft smile overtaking his face as he pressed a kiss to your nose. Moving his hand from your face, he guided himself inside, both of you moaning into a kiss.

His hand found your thigh as he began moving against you, swallowing each other’s breaths and whimpers. Gripping the flesh of your leg, his hips smoothly working into you, you dragged one hand from his ass to hold his side, appreciating the feeling of his abdominal muscles contracting as he moved.

The only sounds in the room were the flickering of the flames, the rain hitting the bedroom window, and yours and Jin’s moans and whines mixed in with your heavy breathing.

Jin’s lips were rarely separated from yours, and when they were, it was so he could inspect your features up close, your eyes hooded and your jaw slack as he sent pleasure through your body. His gaze dragged down your frame, appreciating every morsel of flesh you possessed, thankful for every inch.

When you clenched around him, approaching your high, Jin let out a loud moan, a blush instantly gracing his cheeks, you smiling fondly at him as you pulled him to you to kiss him again. He let out another moan into your mouth, you reciprocating with your own, like a call and response.

His hips picked up speed and intensity, snapping into you, you squeezing the flesh of his ass in your hand, your other arm wrapping around his lower back, pulling him flush with you. Both of you close, Jin nuzzled his face against your neck, leaving kisses in between muffled groans, your own sounds resonating in his ears as your lips brushed the cartilage.

He came first, just a few moments before you, continuing his movements despite his oversensitivity to ensure you finished. You rode out each other’s highs, crashing down into bliss together as he panted on top of you, you trying to catch your breath underneath him.

“Goddamn, you’re amazing,” he complimented, lifting his head from your neck to go right into a messy kiss, too fucked out to be careful or gentle. You threaded your fingers into the hair at the back of his head as your other hand dragged across his lower back soothingly, kissing him back with as much recklessness.

“You’re a fucking god,” you mumbled against his mouth, Jin smiling at the comment as he let out some small breathy chuckles.

“I’m so tired and hungry but fuck, I want to do it again,” he admitted, you giggling as a squeaky laugh left his lips. His face was pure happiness, eyes crinkled in the corners, nose scrunched at the top, cheeks full and plush due to his wide smile. He was always the most stunning to you while laughing.

“We could break in the couch,” you suggested, a glint in your eyes as Jin’s widened. Within a few seconds, Jin was standing up, completely bare ass naked, reaching down to pull you off the bed, you laughing loudly at his eagerness.

Easy. It was just so easy with Jin. And if you didn’t already believe in soulmates, or people who were meant to find one another, he was enough to convince you.

[ddarker-dreams]

Levi Ackerman x Reader hcs. [COMM]

a/n: i haven’t written for levi in many years!! some lock lore is that i used to write for him the most, it’s actually what got me into fanfiction/anime in the first place back in 2012... so it feels very nice to write for him again. i had a lot of fun with this! :’) word count: 2k. warnings: non explicit mentions of death (not involving reader), just canon typical stuff.

Love has been a concept that remains closed off in Levi’s mind. Getting close to others is already a risk too great in the world he’s come to know, a factor that’s proven unfortunately true time and time again. When you’re close to others, it means the possibility of being hurt by them all the same when they inevitably leave. The pain of losing another he’s grown attached to outweighs the possible benefits that could come with a closer connection. This philosophy has ensnared his heart, creating a barrier that no one dared slipping past for many years.

Even though Levi makes the choice to be wary of growing closer than necessary to people, he also understands the importance of trusting in his comrades. He has his own way of mentally assessing new recruits, and didn’t think much of you initially. You were a fresh face, who hoped that your efforts would cultivate humanity’s future. He’d seen many with that spark too many times to count. All of them ending up killed in gruesome ways, or losing the shine in their eyes should they live past another expedition. Though he still has an inherent respect for anyone willing to put their lives on the line for the Survey Corps, this extending to you as well.

His initial assessment of you was proven incorrect. While no longer as naive to the horrors of the outside world, the spark inside of you remains ever bright. There’s determination, that has only grown in strength as time goes on, rather than fading away. It catches his eye, to say the least. He looks after you from afar, without even realizing it. Levi tells himself that it’d just be a shame if something happened to you. He doesn’t think anything beyond that for some time, for his own mental well being.

Your relationship starts off with no romantic intentions. Levi spots you training on your own one day, even after a grueling day of menial work that comes with being a member of the Survey Corps. He’s captivated, unable to look away from your form. It’s sloppy, he thinks, but not hopeless. You’re not hopeless. It doesn’t sound like a high compliment, but coming from him, it’s meaningful.

It’s startling when he approaches you for the first time. He’s pointing out the numerous errors in your stance and what to do to correct them, never mincing his words. Levi’s standing there, arms crossed, willing you to continue with his input. While being under the scrutiny of humanity’s strongest soldier is anxiety inducing, his advice works perfectly. He doesn’t comment further than that, turning on his heels and leaving you to your thoughts and confusion.

Keeping your body in the best possible condition is vital to staying alive. His advice, though delivered in sharp as knives critiques, serves you well. Even just the bare minimum has your technique rapidly improving. This motivation to keep growing and learning is what drives you. Levi continues to watch from a safe distance as you spend hours doing different exercises, developing your abilities. From this point on it becomes something of a tradition, as much as he tries not to think of it that way. There’s a level of subconscious attachment that comes with looking forward to seeing you improve every evening. He’s acknowledged you. 

You start training together. It’s not everyday an opportunity to learn under Levi is offered, so when the hand was extended to you, you accepted it. He’s a tough yet fair teacher, offering praise only when he believes it’s deserved. Unfortunately, he can’t devote that much time to your little evenings due to his other obligations. That makes the time you shared all the more special. Despite himself, he’s looking out for you, and you him. A solid relationship begins to form.

Levi isn’t the easiest person to be around. He’s surprisingly talkative if you get him speaking on subjects that interest him, but his language remains coarse. Once you get used to this side of him, it’s for the better, hours flying by and the night sky appearing before you know it. Unlike others that tend to get offended or avoid alone time with Levi due to his reputation, you remain constant. He never brings it up, though he does wonder why you’re hellbent on seeking him out.

There are still times where Levi holds an internal battle over the unfolding events. He’s starting to like spending time with you, more than just offering wisdom on various subjects he’s knowledge about. He genuinely enjoys listening when you speak, an honor exclusive to you. Through the snark and monotonous comments, there’s clear attachment. 

It gets to the point that his closer comrades even pick up on the unusual behavior, this level of respect typically reserved for no one other than Commander Erwin. Though Hanji is the only one to point this behavior out. Everyone else is too frightened at the prospect of teasing Levi over his not so subtle fondness for you. He really didn’t think he was being so obvious... 

You’re on his mind more than he cares to admits. His mind wonders to you at night, when he’s in town, or even when he sees something silly that reminds him of you. Eventually, Levi’s thoughts almost always connect to you to some degree. He’ll spot something in the windows of a shop and recall how you mentioned wanting something similar, or subconsciously look for your favorite food when walking through market stalls. The thought of giving you gifts is off putting for a while since it’s a clear sign of of tenderness. And dammit, he’s trying so hard not to become attached -- but who is he kidding -- it’s far too late for that.

What Levi is good at is making swift decisions in the heat of the moment, and combat. So he has literally no idea how to approach his developing feelings for you. There are a lot of impulses, such as complimenting you, but it comes out more like an insult than anything. God bless your soul, because you’re going to be putting up with lots of uncomfortable interactions. He’s trying, okay, but he doesn’t know the first thing about romance. 

How he best shows his care for you is helping around in various ways. It isn’t as embarrassing as having to offer compliments, or the other traditional ways of romancing the person you’re interested in. Levi commits to making your life easier in anyway he can. These things range from making sure your horse is in top condition, setting aside rations if he knows you’re too busy to get them yourself, and checking over your equipment personally. He presents all this by saying “You’re prone to making mistakes, so let me do it instead.” In reality he just wants to make life easier for you, don’t be fooled by the prickly comment. 

He isn’t blind to the other elements of his attraction to you. You’re always glowing, an angel incarnate, beauty enough to draw in practically anyone with eyes. It was enough to draw him in after all. The first attempts at physical affection are subtle, yet heartfelt. Sitting closer to you, thighs almost touching. Leaning in closer whenever you speak. Lightly brushing his fingers against his face, claiming he saw a spec of dirt on it. All these things to gauge your reaction and build up his own confidence in pursuing you further.

The first time you kiss would be the night before an expedition. It’s always the most gut wrenching experience, anxiety ailing you so badly that sleep refuses to come. The stars are out, not a cloud in the sky. Levi comes to sit by you, chastising you for not being asleep, and offering no rebuttal when you point out that he’s also awake. It’s a serene moment, neither of you exchanging words for some time, finding comfort in each others presence. You don’t even realize how close he is to you. He speaks, the words insignificant, you’ve already long forgot what they were. 

When your head turns to offer him your full attention, that’s when he leans in. A chaste kiss is pressed against your parted lips. It’s shocking to say the least, adrenaline pumping through your veins at the intimate moment. His lips are softer than you expected. He treats you with unprecedented delicacy, moving back to assess your expression through lidded eyes. When you’re willing to reciprocate he’s more than happy to let you have your way. 

Levi isn’t the best with expressing himself fully through words. His actions more than compensate for this, you’ll never doubt his dedication to you. There’s no need for flowery prose, not when he has proven the lengths he’d go through to keep you safe, bearing all of himself to you. Your relationship isn’t defined by strict terminology, as he admitted to finding stuff like that “a waste of breath”. You both wordlessly acknowledge one another as partners. Any keen onlooker might be able to pick up on this, you don’t hide or put your relationship on display.

It’ll take some time for him to grow more amiable to physically expressing himself. He’s aware of his own strength and intimidating disposition, and doesn’t want to mess what’s possibly the best thing in his life up. So you’ll need to lead in most of those areas. All physical affection is reserved for private moments. Aside from maybe him whispering a sly remark or two in passing. 

The affection he likes receiving from you the most would be: Complimenting his actions, when you lay your head on his shoulder, whenever you do little things to help him out without him mentioning it, and when you hug him. He’s never experienced being held by another human being. So when you do it for the first time, he’s taken aback by how pleasant it is. Your comforting scent, how your warmth envelopes him, and how he can feel your heart beating. It’s one of his favorite things in the world, other than you of course.

The type of affection that he gives you the most would be: Acknowledging your growth in different areas (especially if he knows you’re insecure in one of them), putting his hand over yours, reminding you to take care of yourself, and kissing you on the forehead. Levi is a very proactive lover. He’s got a keen eye, picking up on things about yourself before you even notice them. While he might not always have the most tact, everything he does for you comes from a wholesome place.

Levi remains serious in the public eye. But when it’s just the two of you, or the company is people he’s close with, he loosens up considerably. Most of his jokes go over your head, since he always delivers them with such a deadpan. When he gets you to laugh with his dry wit though, by god does it feel good, he could listen to your laughter forever. It might even make his face heat up. 

You’re capable of making him smile more than anyone else! Though it’s still rare, that just means that when he does, you treasure it all the more. He smiles the most when you lose yourself in conversation. Rambling about your dreams, stories from your childhood, frustrating encounters that you had that day... all of it warms his heart in a way he never thought possible. You’re an addicting ray of sunshine, that he’s hellbent on protecting. 

Levi knows, now more than ever, what he wants from the future. Alongside protecting and expanding humanity’s territory, it’s you that he wants by him, and no cost is too great to achieve it. He won’t lose you -- he’s already lost so much -- so expect him to be protective. There may be limits to what he can do, but they’re all arbitrary to him. Rules and morality mean nothing in the face of ensuring your safety, and he’s vowed this to you. That one day, you’ll have a secure future, forever tied to each other. He might not mention the last part as it’s embarrassing, but the general sentiment is understood. 

[sadoeuphemist]

Stories I thought about writing, but didn’t:

my voice is poisonous, a gift from a strange god my parents once befriended. I’m careful not to speak, but I know they’re afraid.

A poison-voiced girl is born to deaf parents, but falls in love with a hearing boy. Their courtship is marked on her end by a thrilling restraint, biting her lip, knowing she could kill him with an indiscretion; he, on the other hand, longs to see her act without inhibition. He manages to make her laugh, sigh, gasp out in wonder - each time he falls ill from the poison of her voice, but is undeterred even in his convalescence, returning renewed in his goal to tease another sound out of her.

Her parents tell her to break it off; she’ll kill him. She reluctantly agrees. He refuses, pleads with her, grasps her hands so she can’t sign. In anguish she cries out his name — but lo! he does not sicken, does not die. It turns out his repeated exposures to her voice have mithridatized him against it. She can speak around him freely! They both agree that this development has taken a lot of the excitement out of the relationship, but it has been replaced with a greater casualness and intimacy that balances it out.

I can see the angels in their true form, a thousand splendid eyes and all. They think it’s funny, and have taken to hanging around my apartment 

The angels start making excuses to keep showing up at my apartment, in the manner of the annunciation, but for increasingly trivial reasons. They come bearing tidings about how I should definitely get the turkey wrap for lunch, which brand of fabric softener I should buy, how that quarter I’ll find on the sidewalk is a sign that I am favored by God. They come bearing bad tidings too: The Lord has heard of all the evil in your printer, and has sent us here to jam it. Their presence becomes completely overbearing, but they are insistent. There’s a reason you see us in our true forms, they say, all their splendid eyes shining. Is it so hard to believe that the God that formed every atom of you in the womb should watch over you always, that every mundane moment of your existence in this world is shot through with the divine?

There was a body in the river, ice cold and snow white. Sometimes it was all the way dead. Sometimes it sat up and talked to me.

A king has declared that whoever can complete the following tasks shall marry his daughter: 1) to recover a lost treasure stolen from his family hundreds of years ago; 2)  to name the start of the pact between men and horses; and 3) to find a cure to the plague ravaging the land.

Our plucky folk hero helps an old lady who sits by the river; she tells him of the snow white body within, who has sat up and spoken to her at odd times throughout her life. It is the spirit of the glacier: the glacier melts, and forms the river; layer by layer the past frozen in it is uncovered, parts of it living and parts of it dead. Our hero builds many bonfires and melts the glacier faster; the body lives and dies and lives many times over and tells him the three answers. 1) The thief fell into a crevasse and was frozen over; the ice is melted now, and the treasure can be recovered. 2) Iron horseshoes frozen in the glacier reveal the pact is many thousands of years old. 3) The plague is an old one, frozen and released anew with the glacier’s melting; it is carried in the livestock, and they must be slaughtered.

The hero solves the king’s tasks and marries his daughter. Presumably the new king is then faced with the challenge of the rising sea levels; no idea how that plays out.

“We’re all nice to each other here,” they told us, “we’ve got angels in the hills. They like it when we’re nice. And they see everything.”

This one’s tough to summarize adequately. Two men are going door to door, seemingly taking a survey of the religious beliefs in a small town. They finish, sit together in their car. People have been very cooperative. One of the men remarks that the local religious beliefs are disappointingly unremarkable: yes, they believe in angels watching from the hills, but most people believe in an omniscient God watching over them, and whether it is God or his intercessors, does it make a significant difference?

They sit in the car. Perhaps they smoke in the lazy sunlight. They have finished their survey ahead of time. One of them proposes: Suppose we have a picnic lunch up in the hills?

They park at the base of the hill and walk up. Lovely day. They spread out a blanket from the car, stretch their legs out on the grass, take off their coats, loosen their ties. They’ve brought their packed lunch, sandwiches, a thermos of lemonade. They talk about how pleasant all the people were. Their kind of religion seems so ... brittle, one of the men remarks. If I thought there was someone waiting to punish me the moment I stepped out of line, I’d want to do something horrible just to get it over with.

You think so? says his partner. I think just the opposite. The grand problem with religion is that there aren’t enough consequences for wickedness. I know if I saw the wicked being smote down on a regular basis, I would very satisfied in my religion indeed.

Well, of course you would; you’re a sadist.

Me? A sadist? Hardly.

You’re a sadist, his partner says teasingly. A sadist and brute.

They smile at each other. Idle conversation. There is a suggestion that they have visited many such towns and cities, asking the same question, but have yet to receive a satisfactory answer. At one point one of them notes that there’s something in the trees, but this remark is ignored and nothing is ever made of it. The conversation turns back to whether the angels in the hills are real or not. The ‘sadist’ stands up, declares his intent to do something wicked to test them. He marches around, swinging his arms, then looks around at the trees and puts his hands on his hips and laughs.

You know, up here away from society, he declares, I can’t think of a single wicked thing to do!

(Maybe a conversation here about how he could tear branches from trees, despoil the scenery, find an animal to kill; but then again animals in nature strip bark from trees, kill each other bloodily all the time, tear each other to bits, so how wicked could that be, really?)

He looks down at his partner still lying back on the blanket. Unless, of course, I were to do something wicked to you.

Whatever happens next, it is very leisurely. The scene is easy, very relaxed. Lovely day. Calm. Bright blue sky. Clouds float across it, white like feathered wings, and then pass, leaving not a trace behind.

None of us can imagine what life was like before the Clocks came, before clockwork cities, and all their technology. They rebuilt our crumbling society, in perfect, mechanical order. 

Brief musings on a hypothetical pre-Clock society. A society built around the sun, all buildings roofless, everyone’s necks craned upward. Cities built running north to south so as not to block anyone’s view of the rise and set. A society built around hourglasses, everyone judging the passage of time by the sand puddling around their feet, knees, waists, clambering up onto growing dunes, waiting for the flip, for the sand to slowly drain away and the furnishings of their homes to be uncovered. Perhaps this was our unimaginable life before the Clocks came: sands stretching far away and bare, the hypothetical counterpart bulb of an hourglass reflected invisible above us, empty and vast with unrealized possibility, waiting to be reset.

When I was very young, I met a bear at the edge of the woods. Before I could play dead, it bowed to me.

Jokey little fic where a child is instructed on the etiquette of bears: when to bow, when to curtsy, when to raise your hands and make yourself as large as possible, when to climb a tree, when to play dead. (Note that grizzlies are territorial, so if they attack you and play dead they’ll leave you alone because the threat is neutralized; whereas black bears are not territorial, so playing dead will do no good because a black bear will only attack if it deliberately wants to fuck you up.)

I was given very specific instructions. Go to the rosebush on a clear night. As the moonlight turns the roses silver, feed them three drops of blood.

After years of trying for a child, a couple turns to an old witch to help. The woman is instructed to eat a rose from a magical rosebush. If she first pricks her finger and stains the rose red with her blood, then she will have a son, ruddy and robust and bold in battle; if she visits the bush on a clear night and eats a rose painted silver by moonlight, then she will have a daughter, as pale and graceful and elegant as the moon.

The woman is uneasy with the implications of this binary, and says so. The witch smiles and gives her a new set of instructions. So she pricks her finger at night, her blood painted black by the moonlight, and nine months later gives birth to a child as black as a rose, who is neither boy nor girl.

Never manged to come up with a plot for this one. The kid grows up to have a career fulfilling all those “Neither man nor woman” prophecies? Eh. Kinda corny. There’s something about gender roles in fairy tales here, but I couldn’t put it together.

Not for the first time, the company time loop drill had gone very, very wrong.

I did actually write a response for this one, but it got too long and I gave up on it. Summary of the rest of the idea I had:

Time resets. Nagle confirms that it is both an actual time loop and a drill; the company is doing a controlled time loop to prepare them for the real thing. People complain. What’s the point of a drill when an actual time loop would let you keep doing things over and over until you get it right? Nagle points out that could take years, subjectively, and that this is a controlled experience where he has a code to abort the exercise if anything seriously goes wrong. He insists they try to make it work.

They go through a bunch of loops. Don’t succeed. It’s highly technical stuff that none of them are trained for. Morale drops. People start complaining, they’ve spent hours at this, they should be off duty by now. Nagle points out there’s a ruling, established with VR training, that companies don’t need to pay their employees according to their subjective experience of time, and officially they’ve only spent 34 minutes at this.

More loops. Morale drops further. People start demanding Nagle use the abort code, threatening to quit. Nagle points out that while they’re in this time loop, their actions are consequence-free, but once he ends the loop they’ll have to live with their decisions for the rest of their lives. Are they sure they really want to quit?

At that point someone loses it and kills Nagle. Shock. Panic. Some satisfaction. He’s reborn the next loop, starts screaming about it - someone kills him again. Complete social breakdown. Eventually some people decide, fuck it, let’s just live in this loop forever. Killing Nagle becomes a standard thing they do at the start of every loop, so that he can’t input the abort code. They go through various reconfigurations of their social group - orgies, riots, open paranoia where everyone colonizes a different part of the building, regressing to primitivism, open warfare between various sects, rebuilding of society along different axes of thought. Everyone starts thinking of themselves as immortal, they start calling themselves things like ‘Chronobog of the Infinite Plane of Despair’ or whatever; the narration gets increasingly surreal.

After god knows how many cycles of this, everyone finally achieves an equilibrium of perfect enlightenment. They know what must be done. They leave Nagle alive, he watches as they move in perfect unison to unlock the server room and overcome all the obstacles and repair the tachyon servers, loop is finally terminated, normal flow of time resumes.

Nagle stands up, gives a speech, starts congratulating them on completing the drill. As he talks, everyone can feel the rapport they’ve built start to slip away - they no longer understand each other perfectly outside of the context of those 34 minutes. Time is moving forward again, and with it introducing unfamiliarity, uncertainty, an impossible onslaught of variables that they cannot predict or prepare for, and they are all moving inescapably further from each other even as they glance around and try to catch each other’s eyes and keep holding on to that feeling of perfect unity - but it’s too late now, they are strangers behind familiar faces, all of them heading in their own directions, going to be returning to their own separate lives; that moment of solidarity they had is past.

And then Nagle claps his hands at them and says, “OK, drill’s over, everyone back to work!”

[qvid-pro-qvo]

do you have a favorite Criminal Minds episode overall? Do you have a favorite for each character?

mmmmmmm very good question to think about as i comfort rewatch :) also, probably gonna do favorite here and not best, because i think those are two separate questions. you’ll also see my bias toward earlier episodes here. whoops. 

favorite episode overall - this is a tough one, but i LOVE the episodes where we see the work of profiling, and in some episodes this is really shown as an art form. i would have to say “seven seconds” (3x01). i love the enclosed space the mall serves as geography, i love how they interview the family, i love the way they bounce off of each other. i could watch this episode every day. shit like this is why criminal minds is great. there are other episodes that i could classify as favorites but probably fall into the category of character episodes. 

this unsurprisingly got long, like novel-lengthy, so i’m sticking the individual characters under a cut.

hotch 

aaron hotchner. there’s a reason i write fic for this man, besides the fact that i feel like in later seasons he is the epitome of one note most times. we see him smile every so often, but i also think i latch onto earlier episodes because we see so much of his care for those he cares for. i LOVE “lessons learned” (2x10) for him. i LOVE the way he is so blatantly shown to adore haley and jack. i think this is one of the episodes that speaks volumes across the show, even as his humanity kind of gets stripped away in the later episodes. i think this is a great intro for emily prentiss, too, but i don’t put it with her because while she does shine, i like other episodes for her better. the foyet storyline, of course, all the way through its conclusion in “route 66” (9x05). i really love the way we see his adoration for haley and jack, i love the way we see him grapple with his guilt, and. fuck. i just care about aaron hotchner a lot. also i can’t not say “it takes a village” (7x01) - beard hotch? inspired my first ever fic for him? yeah.  also, i think it also shows the things he is willing to do for his team, because i truly think that if any member of the team was in that situation, he would be there for them and do the exact same thing. hypothetically. 

rossi 

rossi isn’t my favorite character for a variety of reasons, namely because i never really felt connected to him and i think he... is a tool for the writers to bring things out of left field. but i think a huge growth moment for him and for me in terms of appreciating him as a character is “zoe’s reprise” (4x15). the rossi that comes back to the bau is definitely one who is a lot of things, and this episode pretty much expertly breaks down every wall that he’s put up since he left. we see him empathize with a victim, see him get told off when he tries to use money to fix the situation, we see him reflect on the consequences of his actions and the way that even though he’s kind of an ass when he first comes on, there’s more underneath. like i said, he’s not my favorite character, but this episode does a good job of working in much needed humanization of him. also, of course, the dinner scene in “proof” (7x02) could be an episode all on it’s own. “as a family.” you’re so right, rossi, you’re so right. 

derek 

god, i fucking love derek episodes. i love, love, love derek morgan. i high-key think that shemar moore does some of the most incredible/versatile acting on this show, and i’m not even speaking in hyperbole. we can talk about microexpressions from hotch and mgg’s portrayal all we want, but the way shemar moore delivers a man who suffered from some of the worst childhood trauma and creates a layered character with some of the most incredible empathy towards others on his team and victims is just jaw-dropping. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again - derek is the most emphathetic character and the most in tune with the rest of the team. he is 100% the character who knows what others are feeling and actually acts on it. his relationships with spencer and penelope and emily -

but the episodes. there are tons of points in episodes focused on other characters where he shines (”penelope” and “mayhem” are two that come to mind) but honestly? “profiler, profiled” (2x12). not because of the trauma, but because how derek reacts to the trauma. we see him go through the five stages of grief when it comes to watching his persona, his shield, crumble around his team. we see him get taken apart and put himself back together. it is one of those episodes that makes me cry every time i watch it. derek confronting carl buford, that scene - f u c k. that’s all i have to say. 

penelope 

i absolutely adore my girl penelope. her character-centric episodes are some of my absolute favorite in the show. and it’s more like, i see a lot of myself in her even if i don’t absolutely identify with her personality (i am not nearly as sunshiney, unfortunately). so for her, i have to go with the classic “penelope” (3x09) for one. first of all, i think that the way the team cares for her is so vital. she is the heart of the team. and this episode shows it. more than that, i think it also shows how important a role she plays when she’s fully functioning, and we get reminded of how much she so desperately cares for others. i rewatch this episode often. another one for her is “exit wounds” (5x21). once again showing how much she cares for others, and also a really good/great/awesome derek and penelope moment. i love how often we get reassured that the team wants her exactly how she is, and she doesn’t have to change to catch the bad guys, and the moment where she says she looked into that man’s eyes so he could see something brilliant and bright as he died? god. sticks with me. 

emily

now. i’m not gonna lie. i think while i simp for hotch, emily is the most interesting character in the canon besides derek. i think while there are some problems in terms of continuity in her storyline, i think her journey in season six is one of my absolutely favorites to rewatch. i love watching her manipulate doyle. do i think the show could’ve done more in terms of fallout? yes. do i care? not totally. it’s a procedural, i get it. i love emily prentiss (probably am in love with her). i think her introduction in “lessons learned” is expert. while “demonology” (4x17) isn’t my favorite episode overall (i felt a disconnect with the story they were trying to tell in terms of unsub), i think for emily it’s such a brilliant look into her psyche and the way she thinks about her past. and i think “lauren” (6x18) is awesome at making the audience really look, watching her grapple with the consequences of her actions, her breakdown when she hears garcia’s message and having to quickly put herself back together... yeah, i love it. another one? “minimal loss” (4x03). i LOVE minimal loss. not only because of the story and the unsub, because emily throwing herself verbally in front of spencer to protect him is one of the top tier moments in the show. her and spencer’s relationship... fuck, so good.

spencer

there is a reason that spencer reid sticks around through fifteen seasons and it is because he is the soul of show. no, i’m not kidding. i think there is a lot of development that happens with spencer and when his individual relationships are highlighted the show shines. i think when the show, well, showcases his ingenuity it thrives. one episode that i just rewatched that comes to mind is “derailed” (1x09). the intensity of the episode is highlighted by spencer’s moments of humor, humanity, and intelligence. i like “revelations” (2x15) for the same reason. we see his genius through the eyes of the team and we’re just as in awe of him as hotch and gideon are. (did he get the support he needed after that episode? no, and i’ll die mad about it.) also his relationship with his mother, i will cry about it at any moment of the day. i LOVE their relationship, i love the way they develop, i LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the fact that we see the both of them throughout the whole series. “the fisher king, part two” (2x01) and the growth moments between the both of them - like, god, rip my heart out kind of love. fuck, and don’t even get me started on HIS empathy. the way that he reaches out to so many people who are suffering through his ability to just... listen. he doesn’t overlook anyone. he can’t. he knows what it feels like. some examples i love “the uncanny valley” (5x12) and “coda” (6x16).

jj

jj. there’s a lot i could say about jj, but i will say this. i do think liaison jj is more interesting, inherently, than profiler jj, and i do think that her character is reduced as the series goes along. i honestly think she is more of an equal with the rest of the team when she is liaison and plays that role. i will say, though, that i think her own exhibition of empathy, namely through the way she is willing to take the brunt of communicating with victims and families, is brilliant throughout the show. she does so much and i wish we saw her do even more (also she is canonically one of the best shots on the team, and i LOVE that). my favorite episodes for her is “risky business” (5x13), because as someone who has lost a friend in the same way jj lost her sister, i really felt for her and i think this gave us so much insight into WHY she does what she does. and “the longest night” (6x01) because her speech impacts the unsub almost as much as it impacts me. there’s a reason hotch wants her to be the one on the radio waves, and she nails it because she’s competent and incredible and... yeah. i do love her.

[martvota]

Reading “The Ballad Of Songbirds And Snakes” by Suzanne Collins [1]

✴ The switch of perspectives, an utterly rotten setting, the return of various symbols, something about proper character crafting and should we even like Coriolanus Snow? ✴

The first thing I’ve noticed was that people worried Collins might try and give Snow a redemption arc or use the new book as an excuse for his latter actions but I wouldn’t fret – doing so would only invalidate the universe she has built, would make one of the most important characters inconsistent. No proper writer wants that.

If anything, the way I see it, the book is intended to give us more insight on the beginnings of the system and state we (along with Katniss and Peeta, and all the rest) already know. Which is somewhat fascinating, as all well-crafted universes are.

We are given some more information on the civil war/First Rebellion that has spawned the Treaty of Treason but it (mostly?) doesn’t come in form of a history class; it flows quite freely with the main character’s thoughts and other characters’ conversations. There is no excessive detail or raw facts. Instead, we are presented with broken memories and broken homes, traumas, political and economical outcomes – and none of it is impersonal. Susanne Collins has successfully portrayed a society that has just experienced war. The streets that remain ruined years after “peace” has been achieved, the fierce… nationalism, I’d say? Though Panem is technically one state. What I meant was the approach of Coriolanus’ grandmother, almost teary-eyed over Capitol’s completely false glory, extremely hostile while speaking about the Districts. The “us versus them” mentality, the extremely protective kind of patriotism (post-war patriotism, I’d say). The state is trying to lift itself up, the old money families are attempting to regain their riches, and they are choosing the most cruel tactics to achieve that. 

We got to know the situation in the Districts thanks to the previously published books – but this time we are taking a look at the Capitol at its least glorious (and if the Capitol hungers, then it’s easy to say the rest of the country is dying of starvation).

That being said, I think it is crucial to remember whose perspective we are adopting for the sake of the novel. In this case, it is young Snow’s so – a ruined upper class family’s heir, raised to believe that he deserves what is the best solely due to his surname. Yes, he is to become the cold-blooded tyrant and killer of millions. No past excuses those crimes, ever.

But we have to keep in mind his upbringing, his origin – he has never been taught to empathise, only pity or detest; he has never been taught to respect people from the Districts unless that brings him gain (and even then, such respect should be faked – think of his beginnings with Lucy Gray).

So of course he was not crafted for us to enjoy. In fact, painting him as an obviously likeable, misunderstood boy would make for a redemption arc or an excuse, wouldn’t it? Instead, we are given a young representative of an extremely corrupt system, by no means its victim but rather product. He might not be a straight-out villain just yet but this book is our chance to observe him grow into one, all the while remaining not entirely bad nor good – he is remarkable at many things and it shines through the pages; he is remarkable at playing the protagonist. He is not one, he was never supposed to be one, and a great feature of this book is that the narrative tricks the readers into forgetting that fact.

If we are looking for a just and compassionate lead, this novel is not the right place for our search. Few of the characters are outrightly bad, as in, even the ones we’d expect to have no remorse whatsoever show some of it every now and then (and I am mostly talking about the Capitol’s citizens). Which is good – I’d say it prompts the reader to question, why would they do that? ( ← I might touch upon that in another post or add examples in reblogs. )

The only actually good characters I am seeing so far are Sejanus and Lucy Gray, but I believe that might have been the author’s intention.

Speaking of which, I have seen someone accuse Collins of (perhaps unknowingly) attempting to lessen the value of a compassionate and vulnerable stance (such as the one displayed by Sejanus) in the eyes of the reader, due to the way the lead character views it as. I disagree – the reader should not agree with any of the ideology Coriolanus follows from the very beginning of the book. Him being the main character doesn’t mean that the author agrees with his views. And if the reader falls for that narrative for a moment, then that is completely okay – the way I see it, it mainly shows that the character has been written properly (he does with the real life audience the same thing he does with the fictional people around him, tricking them into looking at things from his perspective).

Besides, there is plenty of wake-up calls (though once you get lured in by the narrative they may become less striking), such as the bizarre scene where teenagers are brainstorming how to make a mass execution more interesting. Under a teacher’s guidance, in class, just freely exchanging ideas that will later take a toll on the lives of thousands. That’s terrifying.

Or the entire concept of the monkey cage, the message it conveys; they are locked up in a rundown zoo, out in the open for other human beings to view and mock – as if they themselves weren’t human, as if they were humanoid. Similar, but not developed enough, not bright enough, clever but not intelligent and never equal. And then the privileged masses that put them there dare to act afraid.

That’s disgusting. That’s cruel and absolutely outrageous, and I love how Suzanne Collins has not given up on her expert usage of symbols (another example: the names, but I could go on and on about that), even if I do think some of those metaphors could have been disguised better and not just served on a platter.

( I’m aware this review might come off as void of criticism but it was completely unplanned— my first impression, if you will. )

I though I would wait with voicing my opinion until I finish the book but now I’d rather update this post as I go, as not to forget anything.

I found out about this prequel by pure chance, just because I had been meaning to give the HG trilogy another read after a long break (so chances are I wasn’t and won’t be able to pinpoint all the allusions to the saga).

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

how would you do a percy jackson adaptaion?

okay, so I know this is a controversial opinion right off the bat: I really don’t think it should be an animated series.

A large part of the appeal of the series is that it’s a fantasy series set very very firmly in reality. Literally, apart from the camps, you could go to every location hit in the books. Riordan mentions specific streets, buildings and landmarks, and that was cool when I first read them. I remember being a kid and waiting for him to set a scene in a place near where I lived! I remember trips to New York and being able to envision an epic war happening in the streets. So I think any adaption needs to be live action just to keep that same feeling alive, while I’m not knocking on animation, I just feel like taking the story out of real life would make it loose a little of the charm. Like, the scene where Manhattan is completely frozen in time? It would be haunting to see that in real life, but I feel like it would be less impactful if it didn’t…you know…look real? The series should be done in a way that makes you truly feel like you could just turn a corner and walk straight into a snake woman going about her day. 

Now: another large part of the appeal of the series is how funny it is, but a lot of that…is Percy’s inner monologue. He doesn’t actually voice most of it, there was even a book where Annabeth described him as being quiet. So, I think the best way to work around this: make it Interview With A Demigod. 

Imagine it’s got an interview with a vampire-esque setup- and this even works because within the riordanverse, the books canonically exist because Percy sat down with a ‘camp scribe’ and had his quests recorded. So, like, this isn’t even entirely out of left field. But just imagine, a college-aged, maybe a little older Percy, I can see it so clearly in my head, he’s wearing a sweatshirt that at first glance looks like it says NYU but a trained eye will see it actually says NRU for a camp jupiter easter egg, he’s sitting in some dinky little diner (maybe it can even be a monster donut or something with a clever greek myth related name) with a guy who’s recording the conversation on some old-ass tape recorder that keeps acting up but they can’t record on a phone because of the whole technology thing. Every now and then it’ll cut back to them to get some great Percy thoughts out there. They open with older Percy saying the ‘look, I didn’t wanna be a halfblood’ and then explaining where he was when the whole mess started. Once he get’s to “was I a troubled kid?” the screen fades from older Percy to 12 year old Percy getting in a fight with Nancy and her gang, and the voice over says the ‘Yeah, you could say that’ part as we see him get threatened by the principal to behave on the field trip. Boom, we’ve got an opening. Lowkey….I’m seeing Jordan Fisher as older Percy, but I’m not 100% married to the idea. 

And before anyone tries to argue that showing an older Percy would spoil he’s not gonna die in last olympian- like, reading the books, we all knew he wasn’t going to die. It was a first person narrative and he was consistently speaking in past tense lmao like we Knew he was gonna make it. We still enjoyed the series. It won’t ruin anything.

I want part of the score of the adaptation to be instrumental versions of songs from the musical, I think that could be a sweet nod to that team. 

They really need to nail camp halfblood. I know that goes without saying, but in order to keep the pacing of the story decent we can’t spend as much time falling in love with it like we got to with the book. The book is like, 24 chapters and the quest starts at chapter 12- for a movie or tv show, that’s just gonna feel like it’s dragging. So, the insanity of the camp needs to smack you in the face right away, and then it needs to endear itself to the viewers quickly after that. Don’t try to ease the viewers (or Percy) into the mythology is real thing, rip it off like a bandaid. He’s on his way to meet Chiron and Mr. D for the first time and even if he’s not comprehending what he’s seeing, there’s nature spirits and harpies all around going about their day. Hestia waves at him and then disappears into the flames. Hecate kids can be seen casting a spell on the porch of the Hermes cabin. The Stolls are seen pranking some Aphrodite kids. He sees someone surely die on the climbing wall but then you hear a faint ‘I’m okay!’. The Apollo kids put a rhyming curse on another cabin. Pure chaos all before he gets the ‘so, gods are real’ speech. And then after that…show how warm Luke is to him at the cabin and at dinner. Show the kids all goofing off at the campfire and really make it clear that they’re children. Show the strawberry fields rolling in the wind and Percy sitting on the beach. The whole couple weeks where he’s searching for powers and learning greek and latin with Annabeth can be a montage. Make it clear how hurt and scared he is when he finds out he needs to leave.

It needs to really get you feeling how Percy’s feeling, every laugh, every tear, every moment of fear or confusion needs to shine clear through. Like…think of Spider-Man Homecoming, the Washington monument scene. All things considered, it’s not the most high-stakes scene we’ve ever seen in that franchise, and when it cuts to the kids in the elevator, they’re worried but not quite freaking out, but that scene feels very high stress to watch because the movie is good at getting the viewers to feel what Peter feels. A Percy Jackson adaptation needs a touch like that, because Percy’s a very emotional kid and that’s what a lot of the scenes hinge on.

Lowkey- I’d love it if the casts of both the previous movies and the musical had cameos or bit parts (the movie cast did Nothing Wrong, it was the rest of that team). It’d be hilarious to see, like, Jake Abel as the owner of the poodle, or Logan Lerman as Older Percy and the reporter’s waiter that keeps trying to get in on the conversation, or Brandon T. Jackson as a satyr who’s still stuck grooving out in the Lotus Hotel and Casino. Kristen Stokes as a nature spirit, Chris as one of the ghosts stuck in the waiting room of DOA Records, just like any of those casts having small parts would be fun and sweet. 

There should be a lot of easter eggs for the bigger riordanverse. Promotions in the background for the new Tristan McLean movie. Gabe’s got a true crime documentary about the missing Grace children playing during his poker game. Mr. D is reading a paper about Rachel Dare’s father’s newest project. At some point while they’re still in New York they pass the Kane family’s mansion or whatever it was called. Annabeth keeps a picture of little her and Magnus on her nightstand. The barest of hints about the Triumvirate. Seeing kids in camp jupiter gear in some background shots, just out of notice of our main characters but implying the camps are going through similar problems (BITCH….if we got a titan’s curse adaptation…and we had a shot of Thalia in the foreground….but in the background we saw a blond boy in purple with a golden sword….well I would simply loose my Goddamn mind).

And show us how easily the mist lets things blend in, too- like, everyone thinks ‘Monster Donuts’ is just a normal chain, it’s just on an average street block, but if Percy looks through the window he can see who’s behind the counter. Show someone swindling some guys in a park and you have to look twice to realize he’s a gegeines. Like…how people are still trying to find all the background ghosts in haunting of hill house. I would LOVE to see a bunch of background monsters and mythical beings just going about their day as much as the mortals are while the gang’s questing. 

The effects need to be fun. The whole story needs to be fun, but one weird thing about the past movies are that like…in their attempt to make it gritty, none of the fantastical things happening on screen actually felt that exciting. We need bright colors and interesting choices, consistently cool action shots, a liveliness that makes you feel like you’re in the center of the action. I have absolutely no doubt Disney easily has enough funds to pull off great effects.

The characters need to be….in character lmao. Annabeth needs to be cocky and bratty with the skill set to justify it. Percy needs to be a sweetheart who pretends to be hardened because that’s what people assume he’s like. Grover needs to have dry humor and a Too Old For This Shit attitude whenever percabeth start bickering. Luke needs to be nice and friendly but in a specific way that you can look back after the betrayal and see he was trying to groom everyone. Sally needs to be loving, protective and strong. Chiron needs to feel defeated and determined at the same time. Mr. D needs to….be Stanley Tucci lmao

Also, I’d love if the adaptation could expand more on things that got brushed along in the books- Percy and Beckendorf’s friendship, Silena and Clarisse’s dynamic, make Nico’s crush on Percy a little more obvious, give Rachel some more development. One thing that haunts me about the books is Sally never found out that Gabe hit Percy. Absolutely they don’t need to make the abuse explicit, but I also personally feel like a lot of Percy’s mindsets throughout the series are somewhat a result of Gabe, and I’d like if that got, you know, acknowledged. Maybe in the scene where he figures out Gabe abuses Sally he could say ‘does he hit you too?’ or something to that effect. They could also go more into detail about Annabeth’s family, give Zoe some more depth….like the possibilities I’m screaming.

Okay this is already long and I’m getting tired but I can so clearly see a great adaptation in my mind….Disney please come through….It’s what we deserve…. 

[lampyrid]

Hey hello. So for the past few day's i have been follow you're blog and i quite fond and love you're blog oh so very much!, are you still accept request? Can i have the reaction of the dorm leaders when their darling told them that they were an empress with the nickname the goddess of war by the knights and the people of her Kingdom, and heard stories during Darling's time in the battlefield and the time she ruled over her kingdom. Pretty please🥺🥺

Hm...you’re quite the greedy dreamer...usually, I accept only up to five individuals in a dreamer’s dream...but since you’re the first one to request this world, I’ll let it slide just this once. 

Riddle Rosehearts

...is in awe once he finds out about your status. 

He knew that there was something special about you. The way you carried yourself, full of confidence and dignity, your discipline and manners, the way you effortlessly took the lead and instructed your friends through difficult situations...to think that you were an empress of all things!

He admired the Queen of Hearts for she was a strong woman that upheld the rules and valued discipline. That admiration now extends to you. You are an amazing person in his eyes. He was not royalty like Malleus and Leona, but he knows that it is incredibly hard to rule an empire and gain your citizen's respect. You must have put a great deal of effort to obtain what you had.

He loves hearing tales of your conquests, but at the same time, he can't help but think of the hardships you went through, especially when you went into battle. 

After finding out about your status, Riddle would hold your hand more often. He would gaze at your delicate fingers and feel the callouses on your hands, no doubt gained from wielding a weapon. A Goddess of War indeed.

Although with Riddle's admiration, there is also pangs of insecurity going through his heart.

Is he good enough for you? You have an empire waiting for you back in your world...does that mean you will leave him? Rulers put their people first, do they not?

He asks for your forgiveness, because he would never let you go back. His twisted love for you is stronger than his conscience. If your empire should fall without you around then...so be it.

Aside from that, nothing changes. You are still within Riddle's clutches, obeying his rules and accepting his affections with no other choice.

Although your achievements do motivate Riddle to work harder and prove that he is a worthy man to be with you.

In Twisted Wonderland, you are not an empress.

Riddle is the King of Heartslabyul. And you are his Queen.

Leona Kingscholar

...feels jealousy go through his heart.

You're an empress admired by your people while he's the second prince of a kingdom that won't get to offer you anything grand.

Don't get him wrong, his respect for you is immense especially when he finds out that you're a warrior as well, just like the women from his home. He just doesn't like feeling inferior. Not to his brother and definitely not to you. Expect him to become even more possessive of you after he finds out your status.

With how you're nicknamed the Goddess of War by your people and how you're experienced in real battlefields, he most likely would not have a chance at ever pinning you down completely.

Also, even if he can't actually scratch you, that doesn't mean he can't lay a hand on your little herbivore friends. He knows that your first instinct is to protect them, and he will hold that against you.

He takes care of any man that dares to approach you with hidden intentions. Leona can smell would-be rivals a mile away. If they're not careful, they'll get mauled.

Don't even think about going back to your world because your "people need you". You're staying, no questions asked. That empire of yours can go and find themselves a new ruler.

Still, he does love seeing you fight. Either with a sword or bare-handed, you look beautiful in his eyes. It also amuses him when he sees the anger and frustration in your eyes as you slice a large tree in two. You're clearly taking out your rage in training due to your current predicament.

That's fine. You're a lot easier to deal with once you're calm, and the other Savanaclaw students can witness your power as well. A powerful warrior empress fit for the king of beasts.

Azul Ashengrotto

...first witnesses your prowess when you manage to bring down Floyd with one hit. He remembered almost spitting out ink as he watched you bring down the six foot tall eel. Well, that threw some of his plans into disarray.

There was quite the scuffle in Mostro Lounge that day as you fought the twins protecting the octopus. Azul stayed out of your range, holding the golden contract tightly within his hands. 

He was utterly enamored as he saw you fight so fiercely. Burning eyes, a ferocious expression, soft lips pulled into a snarl, vigorous and precise movements...it made shameful feelings arise within him and he found himself trembling with excitement as you got a little too close for comfort before Jade pulled you back.

But, you had one weakness. And that was your lack of magic. With several spells at his disposal, you were eventually subdued. The twins both had to pin you down as you glared at Azul.

You were stuck with the mer and there was no getting out of it. Due to your abilities, you'll find yourself chained up in Azul's bedroom with chains imbued with magic until you learn to behave. They were extremely difficult to obtain...but anything for you, my dear.

Once he finds out about your background, his feelings would be quite similar to Riddle. He is amazed, yet his heart would fill with insecurities. From there, Azul would seek specific people out and trap them in a contract. Each of those individuals would have qualities that would serve to perfect his image even more. His darling is an empress, so she deserves a worthy man. (He won't allow that worthy man to be anyone else other than him.)

You can say goodbye to your empire as well. Because once the both of you graduate, he'll take you back to Coral Sea where you'll spend the rest of your life with him.

He could never be an emperor but...perhaps he could be the magician that makes you happy. (He'll wait until you learn to love him.)

Kalim Al-Asim

His eyes would sparkle with interest once he finds out about your background. 

An empress?! A Goddess of War?! How incredible! You're such an amazing person! It makes Kalim love you even more.

He loves to hear stories about your time as a ruler. About the monsters you've fought, about the people you've met, about how your empire developed, any story you tell would excite Kalim.

And as an empress, you should only have the best, right? So he spoils you rotten. Beautiful clothes made of the best fabric, sparkling jewels that bring out your pretty eyes, exotic pets that will be trained to listen to your beck and call...just say the word and Kalim will get you anything you want.

He would watch in awe as you dueled with Jamil, enjoying the sight of you moving so gracefully with your weapon. (Jamil on the other hand is worried and very much on guard. He knows your circumstances and he fears that you may go after Kalim's life. With that kind of physical prowess, assassination would be a very easy thing to do.)

While Kalim cares for you very much, he's also a bit delusional. In his mind, he's thinking that you had already abandoned your empire to stay with him. You chose him over your own people which makes him happy (and a bit guilty). He chooses to ignore the obvious signs and view your relationship through rose-tinted glasses.

He reassures you that your empire is fine, that a new ruler would come and make things better there.

So please, don’t look so sad! Just look at the new world Kalim will show you! He’s sure that you will grow to love it, just as much as you loved your empire!

The moment his family find out about you, they’re over the moon! They start planning your future wedding right away. It will be grand, it will be beautiful, and it will be a day that you will remember forever!

Kalim is sure that you'll make a wonderful wife and mother to your future children.

Vil Schoenheit

Well now, looks like you're not a potato after all. 

He had his doubts about you being a normal person of common status. You walked with grace and confidence, carrying an aura that even the other nobles of Pomefiore found themselves treating you with respect as if you were higher than them.

Charisma, poise, excellent manners, intelligence...you had it all. Someone that is truly fit to be a royal. Vil is very pleased about this. He won't have to do much in turning you into a perfect lover.  All you needed was a bit of polishing to shine as bright as him.

Vil loves showing you off and you would often find yourself accompanying him at special events. In other people's eyes, the two of you were a beautiful couple. They do not notice your smile not reaching your eyes nor the iron grip Vil has on your waist.

The only thing Vil did not like about your background is that you entered battlefields. He almost screeched once he saw scars on your otherwise flawless skin and immediately started concocting medicinal salves that would make them disappear. He would also frown at your calloused hands, not enjoying their rough texture. 

If you insist on maintaining your combat prowess, then he will allow you to take up fencing. A relatively safe sport that will help you stay in shape and won't get you any new scars.

In a way, you're Vil's beautiful and perfect little doll. An empire? Protecting the people? Those aren't your responsibilities any more. Why care about a world that is unreachable now?

Idia Shroud

...feels like he's in some sort of fantasy visual novel game (I mean...technically he is?) and you're the ultimate love interest that a player can romance only when they've cleared the rest of the game's content. 

You just became even more perfect in his eyes. He feels like he's on cloud nine once you tell him about your background. An empress, a Goddess of War...and a shut-in otaku like him got to be the one that dates you!

His obsession for you only grows, and so does his possessiveness. You're amazing while he's...not so great. He constantly seeks your validation and affection, often trapping you within his arms and whispering frantic declaration of love in your ears. If you don't return his affections, he's going to cry and ask how he can make you like him more.

You're someone that's supposed to be out of his reach and that thought haunts him every single day.

He hacks your phone, puts a tracker on you, and sometimes, he steals some of your stuff so he can bask in your scent while you're away from him.

He's fucked up. He knows that. But does he care? No, he does not.

Idia plans to take you back to the Isle of Lamentation sometime soon so you can stay with him forever. And you won't get a choice.

He can't really provide you with the luxuries you may have had during your time as a ruler, but he'll try his best to spoil you rotten. He is from a noble house after all.

You really shouldn't think about your old world or your previous  responsibilities...since you're staying by his side even after death. He'll make sure of that.

You'll become his beautiful Persephone no matter what.

Malleus Draconia

He finds out about your background when you were already taken to the Valley of Thorns to become his spouse.

He thought that you came from a common background, so he assigned tutors that would teach you the ways of royalty. He started to suspect that there was more to his precious child of man when all his tutors praised you for your excellence in their lessons. Even Lilia, who was assigned to teach you about their customs was impressed about how quickly you learned.

He didn't get to ask more about your background until he and his retainers found you subduing an assassin that snuck in as a servant with a mere dagger. He was amazed at your prowess and elegance as you fought with your assailant and quickly plunged your weapon into their heart, killing them instantly.

Once the chaos died down, you explained that you were an empress that ruled a mighty empire back in your world. Not only that, you were a warrior praised by your knights due to your strength.

You could feel Malleus' pride as he regarded you in a new light. Would his child of man ever cease to amaze him?

This revelation also solidifies your place as the queen. Many of the fae have come to respect you, admiring the human that can even rival their best knight in strength. Even Sebek, who first regarded you as a weak human, now looks at you with reluctant acceptance.

After the assassination attempt, Lilia will also be the one assigned as your personal guard for two reasons. One, he is Malleus' most trusted retainer. And two, aside from the prince himself, Lilia is the only one capable of stopping you if you ever decide to escape.

While you cannot return to your empire, surely becoming queen of the Valley of Thorns is an excellent alternative? 

Malleus promises to be a loving husband that will take care of you and your future children. He’ll reassure you that its alright to forget about your past and focus on the present and future.

And well...if you do try something, a simple sleeping spell won’t hurt you.

You will rule the kingdom with Malleus for eternity, your life forever bound to his.

[silverselfshippingchaos]

With his dark past long behind him and revenge long-since attained, Maxi is ready to move on. He's ready for a new beginning. And so, he asks Ash the most important question he ever has.

"You kids can head on home, ya know." Maxi says, waving the two eager siblings away.

"Got it, Lord Maxi!" Nods Leixia, grabbing Xiba's arm and turning in the opposite direction. Faintly, Ash can hear him saying something about being hungry.

She chuckles, "Xiba... We just finished eating..." Ash shakes her head playfully, "But, if you insist, there's some leftovers from last night. Just go ahead and warm 'em up."

That seemed to be enough motivation for Xiba, because he went sprinting in the direction of their home. Leixia followed, screaming after him, but Ash didn't miss her giving a look towards Maxi. As for what that look meant, Ash had no idea.

Ash looks up at the man beside her, but he was just gazing fondly into the distance. She couldn't help but notice how her lover, usually incapable of the ability to (respectfully, of course) shut up, had been oddly silent that night.

A soft smile settled on his lips, sharp features accentuated by nothing but some lanterns on buildings shining on them in the dark night. Ash found herself questioning how he always managed to look so damn handsome regardless of where he was.

His eyes looked faraway. Maybe he was just thinking about the kids? Well, they weren't kids, per se. They were teenagers, well on their way to adulthood, but Maxi regarded them as such anyway. Ash could understand, often doing the same herself.

He had taken them in because, according to the Edge Master, it was the only way to save Kilik, Maxi's closest friend since he lost his crew.

Funny, wasn't it? That Maxi would find salvation at the hands of Kilik's master, and would set off to save Kilik, just like how Kilik and Xianghua had saved him. The roles had been reversed. It wasn't Maxi who was alone this time. He needed to save his best friend's life.

The kids by themselves weren't strong enough, so Maxi made the decision to mentor them and travel with them. After all, Maxi's skill in combat was nothing short of legendary. His journey may have been a tough one, but he'd fought off some pretty crazy things over the years. From random bandits to the wrath of literal gods, Maxi had seen it all.

With Leixia came a third party named Natsu. She didn't seem to be related to any of the others, but Maxi welcomed her on the team with open arms. If she had protected Leixia for so long, she could be a valuable addition.

And Ash had also tagged along. She may not have been as great of a fighter as Maxi (after all, who was?), but she figured that they could use the extra support. Along with, of course, not wanting to leave Maxi all alone again.

As time went on, traveling with the children had led Maxi and Ash to develop quite the emotional bond with them with the trio. They had their more stressful moments, but the couple cared for them nonetheless, and took care of them because they wanted to, not out of a feeling of obligation since they were so closely related to their friends.

Eventually, the kids had begun to look up to Ash as a motherly figure of sorts as well. Although she couldn't quite deny that they gave her a headache more often than not.

Well, perhaps aunt would be the proper term rather than mother. Ash was no idiot, and neither was Maxi. They knew who these Xiba and Leixia were. It was painfully obvious. They were Kilik and Xianghua's children.

Leixia didn't know Xiba at first, so Ash figured that they weren't aware of being related at all. Leixia had mentioned that her father had been a general back in Ming, whereas Xiba never knew his father. How ironic that he'd end up being taught the way of the staff that Kilik was oh-so passionate about, despite not even knowing who he was.

That's... A hell of a sticky situation. Poor kids. Awfully unlike Kilik and Xianghua to abandon their own. I wonder what happened. Ash found herself thinking.

The resemblance was uncanny between them and Maxi's friends, and just housing the Sacred Treasures they protected all those years ago was enough for Ash to raise an eyebrow. Not just in the form of their weapons, but in Leixia's pendant as well. Ash would recognize that familiar green glow anywhere.

Her theory was only proven by how Maxi's body tensed up oh-so slightly when around it. The influence of the evil seed, although mostly repressed, could not be cured.

Maxi hadn't brought up the topic of their parents with the children, only confiding in Ash on occasion. But he knew. He probably figured it out even before Ash did, considering how long he had spent traveling with the couple nearly two decades ago. He didn't have anyone else but them and Ash after the attack on his crew happened.

But the iconic trio of Maxi, Kilik, and Xianghua had long since split, and now it was just them. Ash had no idea as to Kilik's whereabouts, but she had heard that Xianghua had gotten married to some other man back in Ming. It had been years since he had seen either of them.

So, the responsibility to save Kilik, protect the Sacred Treasures, and take the children west while making sure they didn't die along the way fell to Maxi and Ash. How wonderful.

Ash squeezes Maxi's hand, "Hey, everything alright?" Even after all these years, their hands seemed to be made for each other. Maxi's hands were so much larger than hers and were so warm. He was always warm, almost like her own personal campfire. They felt nice in the slight chill of the night, and Ash wanted nothing more than to cling onto him and never let him go.

Some sick part of her found it almost comical that he felt even warmer after having a shard of the cursed sword itself place inside of him. He would agree too, always trying to keep a cheerful outlook on everything that had happened to him in the past. He even often joked about the unusually slow rate his body was aging because of the shard. At the end of the day, Ash was just glad that he had control over himself again.

"Oh? Me?" Maxi questions, snapped out of whatever trance he was in, his eyes snapping towards her. Ash sighs, "Nooo, not at all. I was simply speaking to my other boyfriend." She says sarcastically, "Of course I'm talking to you. Who else is around here?"

She was right. The streets of the town had been long empty, the sky dark. Ash looks up, the sky twinkling with so many bright stars. It wasn't far from where they had first met in India all those years ago. She was glad to be back to her home country.

Maxi chuckles, leaning down to give her a kiss on the forehead. "Ha ha, very funny." He responds dryly, "But yeah, I'm doing fine. Just thinking."

Ash smirks, but her voice is sincere. "That's a first, so be careful, alright? Don't hurt yourself."

"Hey, I think!"

"Hm... Debatable."

Ash goes silent for a few seconds, but eventually reaches over to grab his other hand. "I hope you know that you can tell me if anything is bothering you. I'm here to listen, and if you want, I'll do my best to help."

"Thank you. I mean that." He whispers.

Ash nods.

"Hey..." Maxi starts, beginning to walk towards the open fields on the outskirts of the town, "I wanna talk to ya."

"Take your time. I'm listening."

Maxi keeps walking further into the field for minutes, until the town is long behind them. He stops, staring up at the star-filled sky. Ash notices that he loses his easy smirk for once, face hardening into a firm expression. This is... Odd.

Maxi is the first to break the silence. "I... I never saw myself having a future after the guys died." He whispers, eyes still glued to the sky.

"I mean," He glances towards her, chuckling in an attempt to lighten up the mood, "You saw me back then. I didn't care about nothin' but my revenge."

… And seeing him hurt you too.. That was the last straw.

Ash remembers it all too clearly. His thirst for revenge against the thing who murdered his crew nearly destroyed him, and for so many years, that was the only thing he cared about. Killing the monster. Regardless of what it took.

Things only got worse with the shard. The bloodlust that was already there only increased, and it never died down. He isolated himself, pushing everybody away. Eventually, his humanity itself began to slip away. The shard always craved more, and it took years with the Edge Master for Maxi to even be able to think straight again.

But he had grown so much since then. He was still Maxi, her Maxi, cocky and confident with a sharp tongue to boot, but he had grown. Ash could see it in how he treated Leixia and Xiba. He wasn't the lost young man he used to be anymore.

"Yeah, that's right..."

"But I've gotten that revenge now, haven't I?"

Ash nods. "Yeah, you killed that freak."

"So I think that it's finally time for me to move on." Maxi says, taking hold of both her hands and staring at her directly.

"Even through everything, you never gave up on me. I pushed you away, but you never thought I was a lost cause. You taught me that I didn't need to walk alone anymore. If it weren't for you..." Maxi gulps, shaking his head with a soft chuckle, “Actually... Nope, not going there. It hurts to think about what could’ve been. Anyways,” He stops, as if pondering the right words.

Her eyes go wide, "Maxi..."

It was unlike him to be this vulnerable with his words, or even at all. Maxi preferred to let his body and actions do the speaking, but Ash didn't mind. He was loving and sweet. As he gathers his thoughts, she gently runs her fingertips along the callouses on his hands, worn down from years of battle.

"... I feel like when I’m with you, maybe I can have that future again." Maxi finishes, cupping her face in his hands. Ash softly smiles at him, leaning into his touch.

"I'm glad. That makes me so happy to hear. It..." She takes a deep breath, blinking back tears, "It really does mean the world to me that I can be that pillar of support for you. All I want is for you to be happy because, hey, you deserve that future."

Ash chuckles softly, and Maxi can feel his heart fluttering at the sight of her smile. She continues.

"But I hope you realize it wasn't all me, though. You made the effort to change, don't forget that. I love you more than I can say, and I am so proud of you. You’re the strongest person I know. Even through everything, you never let it consume you.”

Her voice was nothing more than a warm whisper fanning his lips. But since there were only mere inches separating them, he could hear her just fine.

He buries his face in the crook of her neck, the fur lining of his jacket tickling her cheek. Ash can't help but smile at how warm his face is. One of her hands reaches up to gently pat the back of his head.

"I love you too. More than anything. It was the thought of you that stopped me from giving into the curse, ya know." He replies, holding her tight.

Maxi steps away from her, taking a deep breath and staring at the grassy ground, "Man, this is a lot harder than I thought it would be..." He mutters, running his fingers through the swoop of his hair.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"I guess I should just say it, huh?" He says, anxiously picking at his fingers, his gaze drifting to the side.

"You're not breaking up with me, are you?" Ash jokes, laughing softly. Maxi smiles, and in that moment, he is convinced that he has never seen a woman more perfect.

He shakes his head. "Not in a million years. In fact, the exact opposite."

Maxi reaches for his back pocket and gets down on one knee.

Ash gasps, her hands flying up to cover her open mouth. "Oh my god... No way."

"Yes way. I want you to marry me, babe." Maxi says, and he's never been more sure of anything in his life. For all these years, Ash had never given up on him. She was the light at the end of the tunnel of rage and blood he had built around himself. He had never loved anyone more.

“Will you marry me?” He asks, voice firm. His heart was pounding in his chest.

In his hands, a ring. It was nothing overly large or extravagant, but the fine gemstone in the center seemed to twinkle in the moonlight. Tears Ash had tried so hard to fight against came rushing back.

There was no hesitation in her answer.

“Yes!” She exclaimed, and Maxi couldn’t contain the pure glee that rushed through him as he slid the ring on her finger. He stood up and laughed in pure delight.

“This is the greatest day ever! She said yes!” He says to himself, picking her up and twirling her around in a circle. He pulls her in for a kiss, and she is more than happy to oblige, her lips moving in unison with his. She had been with him for so long, kissed him so many times, yet the feeling of his lips on hers was so magical even still.

He cups her face in his hands and gently wipes away her tears with his thumbs.

“Hey now, don’t cry.” He whispers.

“They’re tears of happiness, I promise.” Ash responds, and she can’t hide the smile from her face.

Ash giggles as he pulls her in for a hug, “I can't wait for you to be my wife." He murmurs into her hair, and she simply grabs him by the face and kisses him again.

Their lips lock for what feels like an eternity before they finally pull away. Ash rests her forehead on his, and he smiles. His cheeks were beginning to hurt from smiling so much, but how could he not?

Goodness, he’s beautiful… Ash thought as she gazed into his dark eyes.

“I love you so much. So fucking much.” She says.

“I love you too, baby. I love you too.”

Ash smiles, gazing down at the ring in her finger. Beautiful. In that moment, she is convinced that there is no place she would rather be. After all, he was her home, and there was no place she felt safer in than his arms.