#heh hello everyone!! why am i so nervous posting again here

[mitsuyeaah]

missed me?

[leafwritings]

Hey everyone, just letting you know I'm not dead! Holidays had me busy and I wasn't able to post anything over the months but I do have 4 asks I'm working on and 2 close to finishing. After that though ask box will be close to work on some ideas I'm wanting to test out, but in the meantime just hang in there and I will have something out soon! So for now I have a preview of what ask I'm working on now so, please enjoy!

Preview:

Living in Devildom was bumpy for you. Not knowing the people or the culture was tough to grip onto and was difficult to get comfortable with. You knew very little so you had to base most of your knowledge on luck and experience.

So the moment when Lucifer brought up that one of your many responsibilities when living in The House of Lamentation was cooking you were essentially doomed. Sure, you knew the basics of cooking and remembered a couple of recipes from the human world yet, devildom food was a fresh ball game for you.

Like, what the hell is a Roasted Havoc Devil? Hell if you knew frankly, but it was something you were expected to learn unless you'd want Lucifer walking around with a stick up his Prideful ass.

Though you tried your best... But of course, it did not turn out as planned.  Instead, you dished out a meal that was less than palatable to consume. That day you all ended up ordering takeout instead, which none were complaining about.

But you were still pretty disappointed that your first devildom recipe was a letdown.

You exhaled tiredly while walking to the kitchen. It was once again your day for dinner and you were less than siked to cook again, take out twice in a row was something you were expecting this time around.

You stepped into the kitchen, letting your feet graze the cold tile, prepared to make what hellish devildom meal that looks manageable. 'Here goes nothing' you hyped. You turned to the nearest wall I'm search of the apron hanging on the wall, once found you lift it off the hook. The opening was just close to your head but was halted when you heard a humming tune behind you.

There stood a familiar demon, working there way around the kitchen with a small tune humming on his lips.  It was a sweet tune, putting your mind at ease about what was to come, but as much as you like to remain and listen to the humming you had dinner to prep.

You cleared your throat to make yourself known, you caught him off guard as he jumps to an alert stance before rotating his head in your direction. "Hello (Name)." he greeted at your presence. "Hey." you lazily wave at him. He chuckled at your small gesture. " I am assuming you're coming in to prepare for dinner?"  he quipped.

You gave a nervous laugh at the reminder. "Yeah, right...Dinner. That's what I'm here for, heh." It had to be done, but it doesn't explain why he is in the kitchen. "But if I'm the one that's supposed to be making dinner why are you here? And cooking for that matter?" you questioned.

"Well I was craving a favorite dish of mine and thought I could make some before dinner." he clarified. "Oh, well it does sound good, and smells good too!" "I doubt you'd like it, it's a devildom dish. It is not as tasteful to humans as it is to demons." he chimed.

That is when a sudden concept came to your senses. Making you smile gleefully at your newfound goal.

"Well, you never know. Do you think you can teach me?"

[tarosin]

the great adventures of y/n tommy jack and tubbo

requested: yes/no

an: part 4 of the great adventures series

pairing: platonic y/n/tommy/jack/tubbo

warning: cursing

It was the afternoon before your new adventure with your friends. you had no idea what to expect, however everyone else knew even ranboo, and he wasn’t even joining you all. you would be lying if you said you weren’t nervous, especially after hearing some of tommys plans for future uploads. tubbo had been trying to drop hints about what was going to happen. You honestly couldn’t tell if he was excited or nervous, either way you could tell it was going to be a once in a lifetime opportunity and boy were you excited. the sound of knocking pulled you from your thoughts.

“hi y/n! sorry for the unexpected visit, i tried to call you but it wouldn’t go through.”

“oh god sorry, tubbo, my phones on charge upstairs, ive just finished babysitting my friends twitch chat.”

“that’s okay, tommy wanted me to see if you want to stay the night as i can take you with me now. he said something about it saving time tomorrow as jack won’t have to go as far and we can get there earlier, i honestly just think he’s slightly nervous and wants to spend time with someone.”

“i’ve not prepared a bag or anything as i was just planning on grabbing everything i needed in the morning, but i’m down to go with you. i’ll pack a bag real quick, make yourself feel at home. you can stay down here or come upstairs with me.”

tubbo followed you upstairs, and helped you pick which outfits would be the best to wear for the trip. around 10 minutes later you finished packing your bag and turned around to see a very pale tubbo, dropping your bag to the floor you pulled a chair up to your bed sitting opposite him.

“you feeling okay tubs?”

“just nerves, I'll be alright, are you ready to go?”

“ready if you are!”

the journey to tommys was relatively quick, you spent it talking about group plans for when ranboo comes to the uk.

tubbo: almost here!

tommy: yes! want to stream for a bit later, just something small could do laugh and the stream ends. i’ll go talk to my mum now!

•••

tubbo: please open the door

tommy: on it

the pair of you stood at the door waiting for tommy to unlock it

“TUBBO! Y/N I'M GLAD YOU COULD BOTH MAKE IT!”

not too long later, you and tubbo had put everything away and sat with tommy planning out a small stream.

“so i was talking with my parents and we can do an outside stream, and set fire to marshmallows!”

“as much as i love fire tommy i don’t think your parents will appreciate arson in the garden.”

“it’ll be fine now grab a jacket, we need to go walk to the shop.”

the three of you set off determined to get to the shop and back before it got dark, tommy and tubbo walked on either side of you as they want you to feel safe. thankfully the shop was only around the corner so you were all only out for about 20 minutes maximum, you probably could have made it back earlier but you stopped every time you saw a pretty rock.

“y/n come on we still need to stream!”

“did you tweet that you were streaming?”

“no he didn’t.”

“then come and look at this pretty rock!”

tommy and tubbo couldn’t help but laugh at how many rocks you managed to pick up.

•••

“guys i think i’d rather just spend time with you all rather than stream.”

“that’s fine, tommy!!”

the three of you sat around the fire updating one another about plans and opportunitie, coming. the conversation swiftly came to an end when tommy had set fire to a stick claiming it was to make the fire grow. you laughed as you heard his mum yelling at him to stop trying to set you and tubbo on fire.

“sorry about that everyone, but look the fire is big again.”

it got colder as the sun went down, so the three of you sat with a blanket draped over you all. his mum offered to take photos for you and you happily accepted, the pictures looked amazing and you posted it to instagram with the caption ‘i am cold and no one is telling me what’s happening tomorrow.’

it was around 11pm when the three of you agreed it was time to go back inside and sleep.

•••

you and tubbo stayed downstairs and tommy stayed in his room. the sound of tubbos alarm woke the pair of you up.

“turn that fucking thing off!”

“this is the fourth time it’s gone off and you’re still not up?”

“that’s because i’m tired.”

“please get ready jack will be here soon enough.”

realisation finally hit today was the day you were finally about to find out what this once in a lifetime opportunity was. tubbo advised you to wear sensible clothing and not wear the zodiac necklace you always wore, so you decided to wear the hoodie ranboo sent you a week ago and leggings.

“y/n you might wanna tie your hair up.”

“tubbo are you sure you’re feeling okay? you genuinely look ill."

“i’m fine.”

jack: right i’m outside so whenever you’re ready

lani: we’re making our own way later on as the hotel we stayed at is closer

y/n: will someone tell me what we’re doing

ranboo: no

y/n: you’re not even joining us how did you get in the gc

ranboo: magic

y/n: fuck off give me a clue

ranboo: i’ve said it since you dyed your hair neon f/c you’d be able to see from way up in the sky

y/n: what the actual hell is that supposed to mean

•••

soon enough you met up with everyone else and lani started recording.

“we’re skydiving, you ready tubbo?”

“WERE DOING WHAT? HOLY SHIT!”

you honestly couldn’t wait to do this. it was something you had wanted to do for a while, tubbo on the other hand clearly didn’t agree, which was evident through his whining.

you stood with tommy laughing as tubbo sat alone questioning why he agreed to this.

“look at him.”

“he’s is not happy.”

you sat next to jack and tubbo watching the video demonstrating what you will all be doing soon. you let out a nervous laugh, as although you were excited, you couldn’t help but be a bit nervous.

“you could fall into the engine and get chopped up.”

“tommy stop scaring tubbo!”

“what if the parachute doesn’t work?”

“free fall to your death.”

“y/n you’re not helping!”

you stood recording tubbo laying on the floor once again whining.

“tubbo there are so many people behind you!”

“i’m sure the parachute won’t fail tubbo, but if it does it was lovely knowing you!”

“uuuuuuugh!”

“i fully agree bo.”

soon enough you tommy and jack joined tubbo on the floor.

“look at the clouds.”

“we’re going to be in them soon.”

“hell yeah!”

“ughhhh!”

you tried not to laugh trying to calm tubbo down a bit before you all jumped out a plane, which worked until you left him alone with tommy whilst you spoke to jack for a while.

“to be fair that looks quite fun.”

“and dangerous!”

“STOP!”

“well sounds like tubbos thrilled to be here.”

the four of you sat on a bench talking about what’s going to happen, and laughing at tubbos nerves trying to make light of the situation.

“look it’ll be fun, tubbo, provided we don’t die there’s a chance we’ll be in more vlogs.. okay so ignore the black cloud of smoke!”

“that’s not a good omen.”

“shut up!”

you wrapped an arm around tubbo trying to make him feel comfortable and reassure him it’ll be fine, only to be interrupted by jack and tommy bickering about eating before jumping from the plane.

•••

the four of you went to the briefing, at this point you were struggling to contain your excitement, and couldn’t help but laugh out of pure joy.

“no, they are listening, they're just excited.”

after doing training for the jump, you stood with tommy whilst someone questioned him about how he got 9 million subs.

“I just went around being incredibly cool.. doing minecraft.”

you and jack burst out laughing whilst tommy went on to make jokes about how much money he was earning.

•••

it was now almost time to jump out a plane. it was around now nerves were kicking in, so you all went around messing about till you were told it’s time to make your way to get ready.

“let’s go gamers!”

•••

“are you a skydiver enjoyer?”

“i am.”

“well that’s always good... please, don’t let me die!”

“y/n are you scared?”

“no, my ranboo merch will protect me, but if i die can we blame tommy for coming up with this?”

“ranboos not going to believe that you’re wearing the jumper he sent you to jump out a plane.”

a few minutes later you over heard a worker say they’re nervous causing you to tilt your head and blink again, trying to process what was said.

“heh???”

it was now time for the four of you to put the equipment on, so you were ready to jump. jack started talking a lot more than usual at a quicker pace due to the fact he was getting nervous. tommy pointed it out and jack trying to argue he wasn’t made you laugh.

“y/n keeps making a lot of jokes about my parachute being shit.”

“sorry manifold should be fine...more than likely...hopefully. only time will tell really.”

“how you doing buddy?”

“i’m feeling okay. i feel my insides doing inside bits.”

“wonderful!”

you were now all waiting to go as a worker jokes about forgetting something.

“y/n you’re going with him!”

“okay, but why?”

“well you said your ranboo merch will protect you..”

someone went by going rather fast causing you to stare in awe.

“we don’t go that fast, do we?”

“no not unless something goes terribly wrong.”

you all stood there laughing.

“stoppppp!”

“y/n, i’m now thinking you should go with them instead!”

“are you trying to kill me off jack?”

•••

you all set off towards the plane, a mixture of excitement and nerves began kicking in.

“tubbos on a lead.”

“oh i’m really nervous jack.”

“look at y/n!”

lani began to record you, who was now way ahead of the others, so you stopped and waved at lani.

“BYE LANI! HOPEFULLY ILL SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE!”

the others caught up and everyone had their equipment checked again.

“oh dear.. should be fine.”

“i’m alright, don’t worry my ranboo merch will protect us!” you got on first and that when you realised they set you up, so you jumped last as you were more confident and tubbo was jumping first so he could get it out the way.

you all sat on the plane and waved at the camera.

“hi there!”

“hello!”

“hi!”

“please don’t let us die!”

“we’re really jumping out a plane with a dream stan.”

“this is the highest we’ve ever been.”

“gamers in a plane whatever will they do...hopefully not die!”

“Y/N!”

“sorry tubbo!”

you were currently at 2,000 feet and sat looking out the window waiting to reach 14,000 feet. jack turned to you and tommy, “i can’t believe you’re jumping out the plane in philza merch and y/ns jumping out in ranboo merch.”

“if i die at least ill look great doing it.”

12,000 feet later it was now tubbos turn to jump, he looked back at you all.

“YOU GOT THIS TUBBO!!”

you watched as tubbo went.

“GOOD LUCK TOMMY!”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN GOOD LUCK? Y/N?”

“BYEEEEE!”

you laughed as tommy went.

“see you later jack!”

you gave jack a high-five and watched as he went.

“holy shit they actually did it!”

“are you ready, y/n?”

“hell yeah, let’s do this!”

you laughed as you jumped, you couldn’t believe you actually got to jump out of a plane, you waved at camera.

lani met the others as they landed and began telling them about it.

“wait where’s y/n?”

“there they are!”

“Y/N!”

the others ran up to you as you landed.

“i’m glad you didn’t die!”

“thanks jack!”

•••

“would you all do it again?”

“yeah.”

“no.”

“maybe, i’m not sure.”

“i reckon so.”

not too long later, you were all given certificates to celebrate the fact you had jumped out a plane.

“yay it made nearly dying worth it!”

“you’re so dramatic!”

•••

you thought the day was over and that you were going home, little did you know that wasn’t the case.

“were not done for the day.”

“what?”

“heh?”

“you’re tilting your head again.”

“i know it’s because i’m confused!”

“anyway, what do you mean we’re not done?”

“you know george, he’s arrived!”

“gogy!”

“GOGY!”

“can i have a nap in the car please? i’m so exhausted."

taglist:

@l0ver0fj0y

[emsvegetables]

26th: tsukishima’s drunk.

- and...he’s a little...off the rails and tells you things you’re sure you aren’t supposed to hear.

no. of words: 1.4k+

well, i don’t usually write for tsukishima!!!!!!!! but yay!!!! i hope this was okay heh!!! i hope you like this!!!! again, this was pure word vomit so i hope this made sense!!!!!

it’s the karasuno get together and sleepover at somebody’s house, and you’re nervous.

this would be the first time you would see tsukishima since college.

since college, you guys had drifted apart. a lot. it wasn’t that you didn’t try to keep in contact with him. you did, you tried, but for some reason, it didn’t seem to work. you weren’t even sure what happened. maybe college got to the both of you. because after a while, the calls that went from you to him went unanswered, the conversations between the both of you went dry, the messages sent between the both of you gradually became lesser, and eventually, the only things that were said between the both of you were occasional “how are you”s and “i’m fine”.

maybe it would be a bad time to mention it, but you’ve probably liked him since forever. it hurt you to realise that the both of you had drifted, but you also couldn’t do anything when you didn’t know what went wrong.

now, the thought of seeing him scared you. what if he really didn’t want to be friends with you or talk to you anymore? what if the both of you drifted because he simply didn’t want to be friends with you anymore?

“(Y/N)? you’re late. hi! come in, everyone’s here already,” you suddenly hear a voice, and you look up to see kiyoko smiling at you, her warm smile warming your chest, and you force a smile onto your face as you follow her into the house.

everyone greets you happily. yachi smiles at you from the side where she was talking to yamaguchi about her latest college classes, tanaka and nishinoya yell out your name and wave at you from the middle of the room, sugawara and ennoshita wave at you from the couch, asahi and daichi say their hello’s from the kitchen, and hinata and kageyama call your name when they notice that you’re here, and they tap the person sitting beside them awake as you approach them.

and once again, you almost stop breathing. it’s tsukishima. looking the same as the last time you’ve saw him, maybe a little more handsome, and the crush that you’ve tried to seal away deep in your mind comes roaring back to life once more.

“hey, (Y/N),” tsukishima blinks, and nods at you, patting the seat beside him to invite you to sit.

“he’s a little bit drunk,” nishinoya yells from beside tanaka, grinning at you, “we may have convinced him to start on the drinks earlier!”

you raise an eyebrow, and shoot a smile at tsukishima, who jerkily points the middle finger at nishinoya, who chortles and points one back.

you don’t notice kageyama and hinata watching you, and exchange a small smile.

“can you count to ten right now?” you say, and tsukishima snorts at you.

“of course i can,” tsukishima says proudly, “one, two, three, five, seven, eight, nine, eleven.”

you laugh, “you missed four, six and ten. and you counted to eleven.”

“pssh,” tsukishima waves a lazy hand, “you just don’t know your numbers.”

you laugh again, and you quieten, “i’ve missed you.”

maybe he didn’t hear you, you think, when you don’t hear a reply, because after all, you said that really softly.

then you hear it.

“i’ve missed you too.”

you have to suck in a breath to steady your breathing.

“well, we did drift quite a bit, didn’t we,” you exhale out a laugh, and turn to smile at tsukishima, who looks solemn. you aren’t sure if he’s suddenly sober or still kind of drunk.

“it’s my fault,” he says, and you shake your head quickly.

“it’s not, kei,” and you curse yourself at the slip up of his first name, because you aren’t sure if the both of you are still close enough to call him by that, “it isn’t your fault. college got to both of us—”

“no,” tsukishima says stubbornly, “it’s my fault.”

“tsukishima—”

“it’s my fault,” he insists again, “i was scared.”

“scared?” you ask confusedly.

“scared.” he confirms.

“of what?” you ask.

tsukishima looks at you, and looks down, “of you.”

“me?” you say, and you’re sure if someone was listening, they can hear the hurt in your voice.

“you’re really pretty, you know?” he says suddenly, and you blink, “what?”

“you’re really pretty. and cute, you’re always so nice, and i don’t get how you’re still so nice to the people that are obviously assholes,” tsukishima sighs, and your eyebrows raise, “but you’re still nice to everyone no matter what. you’re helpful, and you’re sweet, and you’re just, so nice.”

“tsukishima,” you say firmly, “you’re drunk.”

he ignores you.

“and you’re just so nice to everyone, and you’re just everything,” he pauses, “everything to me.”

you try to ignore the way your heart quickens at those words, because he’s obviously drunk and not thinking clearly.

“it’s my fault,” tsukishima continues, “i was scared. because you’re just so nice and i can’t stop thinking about you and i can’t stop thinking about your lips and i can’t stop thinking about your smile, and i just—i just didn’t know what to do because i’m sure that you would hate me if i told you and that’s why i didn’t talk to you because i was afraid that you would realise and you would hate me and—”

“tsukishima,” you say, patting him slightly, and you try to ignore the way your heart is clearly loudly hammering against your chest, “you’re drunk, we’ll talk about this tomorrow, yeah?”

“you won’t hate me?” he asks quietly, “i don’t want you to hate me—”

“i won’t hate you,” you promise, and you smile slightly when he lets out a relieved sigh, and sinks into the seat and closes his eyes.

“are you going to talk to him about this tomorrow?” you suddenly hear a voice beside your ear, and you startle and swear.

“sorry,” hinata smiles, “but are you?”

you sigh.

“you have to, you know,” hinata says, “there’s clearly--”

“i know,” you say, and hinata smiles knowingly at you and pats you on the back.

-

you bump into him the next morning in the kitchen, and he’s busy hunched over the coffee machine to make some coffee.

“good morning,” he says when you enter the kitchen, and you force a smile at him, “morning, tsukishima.”

you don’t notice the way his eyebrow knots slightly when he hears you call him by his family name and not his first name.

“i have a super bad hangover,” he says, and you laugh, “that’s what you get for drinking so much.”

“assuming you still like your coffee the way i remember it, do you want your usual?” he asks, nodding his head at the coffee machine, and you nod gratefully, “yeah, thank you.”

“why are you so quiet?” he asks suddenly, when you stir your coffee the thousandth time, and you laugh nervously.

“do you remember last night?” you begin, and tsukishima shakes his head.

now you don’t know what to do.

“i only remember tanaka and nishinoya getting lit, and kiyoko scolding tanaka, and the delicious food daichi and asahi made us,” he says with a small smile, and you smile as well.

you don’t know how to explain it to him, so you just take in a deep breath, “tsukishima?”

“yeah?”

“i like you too,” you say, and tsukishima chokes on his coffee.

“i’ve missed you,” you say, and then you reach forward to knock him on the head, “and you’re stupid to distance yourself from me because you think that i would hate you if i found out that you liked me.”

tsukishima blinks, and when realisation dawns on him, he groans slightly, “i said all those while i was drunk yesterday night, didn’t i.”

“you did,” you confirm, smiling slightly, and knock him on the head again, “you’re an idiot.”

“i am,” he says, before walking over to you and bending a little so he can meet your eye level, “but i guess i’m your idiot.”

you smile, and tsukishima shoots you a small smile back and leans forward to kiss you.

back to my fluffvember masterlist!

general taglist :)

send an ask to be added in :D

@mrs-kuroojinguji @galacticstxrdust @h0rny-m3ss @strawberriimilkshake @lexysclubhouse @alluringeternity @newfriendjen @aam1na @simpinghrs @boosyboo9206 @earl-mint-tea @sachirou-senpai @kuboyasuuu @cotton-hashira @kellesvt @mochipk @ohbois-biggay-bnha @deadontheinsidebut @atsumubabe @wisepandaslimeland @doodleniella @tttournesolll @millie-mint @the-moons-raes @chaosamu @flairlust @l3v1achan @bellesowl @wheeshllumi @karasimpno @sodasketches @dai-tsukki-desu @isentsworld @lavearchives

fluffvember taglist:

send an ask if you only want to be added to this instead of the general taglist!

@omigogames @unicorngluttony @thesecondapplepienation @tsukisemi @tamaguchi @omibaby @psycopath-satan @shibayamasbae @churochuu @crazyrichashea @let-me-have-my-own-name @fo-love @heykoutarou @lovelyrynn @neomuxuxi @haikyuuhopes @bluntkingkuroo @abswrites @ne-kuroo @yadane-bakabaka @song-of-storms162 @lady-snavely @hawksnumberoneuwu @rkives-keiji @llamakenma @mrslordexplosionmurder

i’ll tag those that i couldn’t tag later! this is a scheduled post

[kzuhadovey]

i love you

character: miya atsumu x reader

type: angst

warnings: fuckboy!atsumu, no happy ending

song recommendation: i love you - billie eilish

this may seem like a happy lovey dovey fanfic but i think it’ll stab you in the guts aha- anyways sorry if this is too long, i got in the zone <3

edit: so someone requested for a part 2 to this story, so i wrote it! to read it, click here.

You were undeniably, so deeply in love. With who, you may ask? Miya Atsumu, of course. He was Inarizaki’s playboy- more like a cheaper version of Oikawa.  He was deemed Japan’s best high school setter, and many girls confessed their love to him daily. You and Atsumu were close friends- you were the manager for their volleyball team so you were surely close to all of them. But there was something about him that made you realize- you were so utterly in love. The way you would laugh a bit too hard at his jokes, and the way you stared too long at him, and the way your heart would pinch at the sight of him with other people. You hated that you felt this way- it would ruin everything if you confessed. So you suppressed these feelings, even if you knew they would all spill out eventually. 

You yawned as you walked into the Inarizaki Volleyball room, they were just about to start practice. “Good morning Y/N.” A familiar voice says, slinging their arm over your shoulder. “Good morning to you too… Atsumu.” You mutter back, zipping up your backpack. “Sorry we made you attend this early, Nationals are coming up,” Kita says. You nod and try to ignore the loud thumping of your heart as Atsumu attaches himself closer to you. “We should start practice. I’ll get your bottles ready.” You say, trying to wretch Atsumu’s arm from your shoulder. “Go practice, Tsumu. Don’t get distracted.” You manage to mutter out quickly before walking away. You can just feel the stare that Atsumu’s giving you- you’ve been ignoring him for the past week or so- a mere attempt at hiding your feelings. 

“Oi, Y/N. What are you gonna do about Atsumu?” Osamu asked nonchalantly as you stuffed a pile of celery down your throat. “What do you mean by that?” You ask, your cheeks warming up by the second. “Well shit Y/N. You blind or something?” Osamu asks, rolling his eyes. “He has an obvious crush on you.” You almost choke on your food as you process what he just said. “Crush? Me? Pfft- how?” You ask, a bit embarrassed. It wasn’t possible… or was it? “He’s touchy, he talks about you a lot, and-” “And what Osamu? He’s touchy with everyone. I bet he only says that I’m kind and all that bullshit but he doesn’t actually like me because he’s Miya Atsumu.” You snap and Osamu chuckles. “Okay geez- don’t have to get defensive,” Osamu says, a smug smile plastered on his face. “You’re so mean.” You say, a small pout on your face as you start eating your food again. Was it really that impossible for Atsumu to like you? 

atsumuu~ oi y/n. psst. y/n :0 huh what atsumuu~ you wanna sneak out? rn? y/n :0 -_- it’s like 2 am atsumuu~ yet you’re still not asleep my dear come on I’ll meet you at the park if you wanna y/n :0 you crazy bitch.

You sighed heavily- you couldn’t help but comply to Atsumu- it was something that happened every time he asked you for something. You blew softly at your cold hands as you made your way to a famous park you and the team liked to go to. The night air stabbed through your lungs as you took a deep breath and jumped over the gates, hoping that no one you knew was there. “Y/N!~” Atsumu’s voice was heard from across the small garden section, and you squinted your eyes. He looked half-asleep, but his eyes still shone as bright as ever. “Tsumu. Hey.” You said, shooting him a small smile as you made your way to him. “Look! We can sit on the swings- it looks especially pretty at night.” Atsumu said excitedly as he pointed to a pair of swings. You chuckled at his enthusiasm. “Alright then.”

You were sat on the swings, thoughts quietly running through your head as Atsumu rambled on and on about volleyball. “Y/N. Oi. Are you paying attention?” Atsumu asks, a sharp tone in his voice. You shrug away from your thoughts and smile sheepishly at Atsumu. “Sorry. I was daydreaming.” You say fixing your sitting position quickly. “Oh? Daydreaming about what, my darling?” Atsumu asks, leaning in closer. Your breath hitches at that nickname- he’s dangerously close to you- you’re pretty sure you’re about to faint at the proximity he’s in. “Nothing in particular.” You decide to mutter out, a feeling of warmth creeping in your cheeks. “Are you sure?” Atsumu asks again, and this time, his face is right above yours. You can smell him- he smelled like honeycakes and cologne. His breath is warm against yours, and if you lean in a bit more, you’re kissing. “Getting nervous, Y/N?” Atsumu chuckles lightly before pulling away, making you sigh in relief. “Shut up.”

y/n :0 tsumu tsumu tsumu are you ignoring me YOU’RE ONLINE ON IG BRO tsumuu read 

You huff angrily at your phone. So he was on Instagram and clearly texting in the team group chat but he’s ignoring you? Piece of shit, you think to yourself as you head over on Instagram in an attempt to contact him again. You’re about to click on the DM icon when something catches your eye. Atsumu posted something new. A girl clinging on his shoulder. They’re… kissing. 

“me and my girl ^__^“

Your heart nearly stops as you read over the caption again. Me and my girl. He surely meant as a friend right?- wait, they were kissing. Was this some kind of dream? Was this a joke? You choose not to like the picture and you shoved your phone away from you. Was he just playing with you? Was this all a sick, stupid game to him? You hiss quietly as you feel tears prick your eyes. You surely remembered having a connection- that night at the park. Was that nothing too?

You managed to get a bit of sleep last night- but you were still sleepy as fuck. It felt as if someone was stabbing your head over and over and the walls were closing in on you. Your eyes were still slightly red and puffy and splotches of foundation on your under-eyes were a shitty attempt at you covering up your dark eye bags. You tried your best to make it through class- it took almost all your willpower to not just flop asleep right then and there. Worse, you had volleyball practice with the boys. Today was the worst day to have volleyball practice, considering your… situation. You walked into the room with a heavy sigh and immediately sat down on one of the bleachers. Maybe Coach Kurosu could let you catch a wink of sleep. “H- Woah Y/N you look like the nun!” Osamu says once he’s seen you. You sigh, a hint of annoyance in your voice. “Just- warm-up or whatever. I’m okay.” You mutter, leaning back and snuggling into your backpack. 

“Y/N~ You look ghostly my dear.”

Your eyes shoot open at that voice. The one that’s caused you pain, agony, and the voice that made you reconsider whether you were worth anything or not. “Hey. Hello.” Atsumu called out again, waving his hand in front of your face, trying to catch your attention. “Atsumu.” You could barely speak- all of the memories were rushing to your head, and you were definitely pissed off. “Come, let’s get you some water-” “Stop, Atsumu.” He was definitely surprised at the sharp tone of your voice. “Woah- what’s got your ass today?” Atsumu asks, chuckling. “Just stop it. I’m not a game for you to play- do I look like fucking Jumanji to you?” You say, standing up. You’re fuming- an indescribable feeling coursing through your veins. “Huh? What did Osamu do to you, heh-” Atsumu reaches out to touch your shoulder but you flinch. “Stop it. Why are you doing this? Acting like you care for me and shit.” You said, packing up your bags. “But Y/N, I do care for-” “No you don't! You flirt with me all the fucking time but you don’t actually make a move on me. And don’t you think I know about your little- girlfriend?” You snapped, glaring at him. “I’m so tired of this shit.” You say, tears finally pricking your eyes. “Y/N- I- I didn’t mean it like that,” Atsumu says, panic settling in his eyes.

“No, because you meant it like that. You wanted to flirt with me, to try and confuse me, and it’s so fucking tiring because I love you!” Atsumu freezes, and the whole team’s attention is diverted to you. “It’s so tiring, trying to love you because I know you won’t love me back. Instead, you play these stupid games with me and I fucking hate it!” You shout, fresh tears rolling down your cheeks. “I love you, and I don’t want to.” You say quietly. Atsumu is baffled- he has no idea of your feelings. “Y/N-” “Please, Atsumu. Don’t talk to me anymore.” You say, heartbroken.

In the end, he complied. You’ve seen him around in the halls, and once in a while, he would glance at you. You, of course, have moved on. He wasn’t important anyway, right? You’ve seen him stare at you- for an abnormally long time, and sometimes, you’ve seen him laugh more at your jokes. He’s in love with you. But he knows, because of a simple mistake, he’ll never have you. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll end up together in another life.

[mismess]

Jeremy went to pick up coffee.

Now Jeremy didn’t always drink coffee in the morning but this day he was asked to get some, so while he’s there he might as well indulge. He could use a boost of energy anyway.

So on his usual drive to work he took a small detour to a local coffee shop, he got two coffees, one medium roast with extra milk and sugar, one dark roast with milk and one sugar. He didn’t think to get more, he wasn’t told to get more so why would he?

This dark roast with milk and one sugar had to do with a call, a call he got early in the morning, around 6:30 am, which is too early and it probably woke up half the house, it was Scotty calling from work, Jeremy didn’t think Scott really registered what time it was, he sounded out of it, but still profusely apologized about his request for him to pick up coffee.

This leads back to a scene from earlier in the week, the coffee pot in the break room had been broken leaving the Fazbear employee’s caffeineless, which isn’t a problem for him but Scott seemed rather upset about it, he did recall him often having a cup in hand, might explain some of his jumpiness, perhaps Scott should cut back on the caffeine actually.

Just another unhealthy habit Jeremy thought to himself

But the thing is Scott almost NEVER asks anything of anyone, even if he probably should, so of course Jeremy agreed. He can’t turn down the one time he’s asked for something, even if it fueled that habit, it was the least problematic of them anyway.

So Jeremy picked up the coffee.

As he arrived at the pizzeria and walked inside, the main entrance opened up to a large open room, to the left were tables that costumers sat to eat pizza and watch the animatronic band perform, the flooring was black and white tile while the walls had star patterned wallpaper with colorful images of the band along on some of the walls, other walls had a few drawings from past costumers put up on display. To the right of the entrance he saw Fritz in their usual spot, in the prize corner near the games, while all their jobs were rather loose in nature and you simply go where you’re needed, that was their ‘main’ job, they take tickets and exchange them for prizes, Fritz was often leaving that post however to help a kid cheat at ski ball or something.

The place had been open for just around an hour, there was a couple of older kids lingering around on the arcade games but it was far from busy. Fritz didn’t take notice that Jeremy had arrived as they were messing with the little prizes behind the counter, such as the finger traps and those rubber poppers. He liked those poppers if he was being honest, and sometimes took one for his own enjoyment.

Jeremy walked past the prize corner and towards the break room, it always felt rude to talk to someone unless they were close enough to him, -what that distance was exactly he didn’t really know himself, depended on the mood and person-, or if said person directly talked to him first, and it felt silly to walk all the way up to someone just to say hello and turn away. So he stayed quiet. This sometimes labeled him as rude either way if someone expected a greeting and he didn’t supply.

He opened the break room door to find Scotty sitting at a table, slumped forward propping his head up with his hands while rubbing his temples with his thumbs, but when he heard the door he looked up, almost in a startled fashion, but that friendly crooked smile he always has on quickly replaced his nervous face.

Jeremy liked that crooked smile, it always leaned towards the right of his face, showing off his dimple on that side.

Underneath his smile however he looked tired, and it seemed like he just got more worn down with every day that went by. Scotty’s always been an overachiever when it came to work, he took long hours and probably did the equivalent of three people's jobs at the same time, but lately it seemed like it’s taken a toll on him. Jeremy’s tried to discourage this behavior in the past but that would usually just end with Scott finding a way to weasel his way out of those conversations.

There wasn’t much to the break room, it had a couple of plain tables strewn about with mismatched chairs surrounding them, a counter against the wall to the left of the entrance with a microwave sitting on it, the coffee pot formerly sat next to it as well, with a couple of cupboards above it that didn’t house much of anything besides a few cups, and at the end of the counter a fridge.

“I’m here.” Jeremy announced, giving him a quick smile

“Oh thank God! I have such a headache-” Scotty said as he shot out of his chair and walked over to Jeremy

Jeremy held out the dark roast with milk and one sugar to Scott

Scott took it and realized he wasn’t being very polite, “OH- Sorry, uh- Hello! How ya doing?” he asked, but quickly followed it up with another question “ Oh, how much was it?”

“Um. I’m fine. And you don’t have to worry about payment.” Jeremy reassured him

“Nonsense!” Scott said, reaching into his pocket “You are NOT paying for my addictions... Ah-!”

“- That’ll do!” Scott said while handing him a crumpled-up wad of spare change, just looking at it Jeremy could tell it was way too much for one dark roast with milk and one sugar.

Before Jeremy could say anything the break room door swung open again as Fritz walked in

“Ooooh, coffee!” Fritz said as they walked by Jeremy “Didn’t get me one~?” Fritz said in a tone that seemed playful, but Jeremy couldn’t quite tell if it was. He’s never been good at picking up tones very well.

“I didn’t know you wanted one, I’m sorry.” Jeremy said. He should have got more coffee, for everyone.

“Nah it’s ok, Jere, I’m joking, I’m sure Scotty called before I was even here.” Fritz said leaning on Scott’s shoulder while he sipped on his dark roast with milk and one sugar

“Wait a minute-” Jeremy started as he realized what time Scott really did call at “You did call from here right? Just how early did you get here?”

But before Scott was able to answer Fritz piped in instead "Dude, he’s BEEN here since 12 last night!” they gave Scott a friendly nudge, but as Scott pulled the coffee away from his mouth he gave out this nervous chuckle

“Wait- wait- Scott, you’re working the night shift?” Jeremy asked, he suddenly felt a sense of dread at the mention of it

“Um. Uh- Yeah, heh...” Scott said awkwardly

Jeremy hadn’t realized Scott had taken over the night shift, no wonder this man seemed more exhausted than usual.

“But you’re here during the day all the time!” Jeremy stated “Ok- Just how many double shifts do you take?”

“Uh- W-Whatever I’m a- asked..?” Scott said with a nervous grin, his shoulders raised up as if to brace himself, he put his coffee down on the table

“Scott-- God the night shift-- Do you LEAVE?”

“O- Of course! I can’t live here!”

“You say that like you would if you could!” Jeremy was obviously showing frustration in his voice, he didn’t mean to but the amount of work this man did stressed Jeremy out, and the night shift stressed him out even more

“Well- I mean- I’m not doing anything else anyway-” Scott started

“Well you should! Scotty you’re already working so many hours, do you sleep?! You have to realize this isn’t healthy-!” Jeremy was cut off by the break room door opening again

William stood in the doorway, his usual calm demeanor did not seem to be about him today, his brow furrowed and shoulders hunched in a manner unlike him “... What is going on in here?” he asked

“- Brought up Scott’s poor work-life balance, now the boys are fighting.” Fritz told him

William pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed “... Ok. I don’t care- There’s currently no employees out on the floor and a birthday party in an hour, can we stop the chit-chat and get things moving.” he snapped

“Yes, you’re right, William!” Scott quickly moved past William out the door on to the floor, obviously glad to find a reason to stop the conversation. William followed.

Jeremy took a deep breath as he watched him walk away “... You think Scotty works too much too, right?” he turned to Fritz, hoping he had an ally, fearing he might be coming off a little too overprotective.

“Oh definitely,” Fritz replied “He’s stubborn when it comes to work tho, you can’t get that guy to sit down. Seeing as you didn’t know he’s on the night shift I guess you haven’t seen his schedule, you should take a look, that thing is a MESS.”

Fritz walked out the door as well, leaving Jeremy alone with his medium roast with extra milk and extra sugar. He didn’t like the mood that was left hanging in this room, he felt bad for getting upset with Scotty, his problems wouldn’t improve just cause Jeremy got fussy with him. But Scotty always pushed these things aside, insisting they could “bring it up later” or “it’s not that bad” or simply just changing the subject, he didn’t know how to talk about it with him without getting fussy at this point.

It seemed like most of their recent conversations ended in frustration. Scotty grew a lot more distant after The Bite, and didn’t tell him about anything anymore, and if asked he would brush him off, he stopped having lunch with him or Fritz and usually spent most his time working or talking with William so any time for socializing was spent elsewhere. He missed his friend.

He didn’t want to just drop it but he didn’t know what more he could do, if Scotty didn’t want his help he can’t force him to talk to him or make him take less hours.

... The night shift...

Jeremy had sworn off the night shift after his first and only week on it, he didn’t like thinking about it, but the reason it was so bad was the animatronics weren’t right, they had something wrong with them, which is why they were scrapped. Those animatronics that seemed out for his blood weren’t in use anymore, and with them the problems of the night shift were gone. At least that’s what William said, Jeremy had no intentions of seeing that for himself, just the thought gave him anxieties.

But that means at least Scott would have the 6 hours to just sit down and relax, right?

He still didn’t think it was good, and Scott definitely should be taking more time off, but maybe Jeremy’s reaction was a bit unwarranted. He would apologize for his harsh tone when he got the chance.

Jeremy took both his medium roast with extra milk and sugar and the half-drunken dark roast with milk and one sugar and put them in the break room’s fridge, maybe they could drink them at lunch together later he thought.

and he got to work.

[conretewings]

No Place For Kids

****Ok, so I thought I posted this forever ago (like, over a year) but I just found it sitting in my drafts and when I went to check my archive...it wasn’t there? I don’t know if I overlooked it or what happened, but here? Enjoy this short Guzma-centric fic)****

A deathly quiet had fallen over the room, the only sounds now coming from the constant, distant drum of rain on the roof and the noise of grunts in other parts of the mansion. Guzma leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees as he stared hard at the nervous-looking young boy in front of him.

“What did you just say, kid?”

The boy swallowed and dared to meet his piercing gray eyes for just a moment before looking back down, “I-I want to j-join Team Skull.”

Guzma abruptly stood from his chair and in two strides was standing over him, the boy gasping and stumbling back a step. 

With a mirthless laugh he barked, “Tch! You’re scared to even be near me! You should be, but if yer gonna run with us ya gotta be at least tough enough to look me in the face…” he glared down at the boy, who’s eyes were glued to the floor and frowned, “Look at me.”

Slowly, trembling the whole time, he raised his head and held Guzma’s gaze, who regarded him critically before reaching out a hand. Instantly the boy yelped and threw up his arms to shield his face and neck. 

Startled, Guzma yanked his arm back before snapping, “Yo! Calm the fuck down! I ain’t gonna hit a kid! What the hell-”

He froze as the realization started to creep in; the young man’s stance, half-curled up and trying to protect himself as much as possible, shaking and waiting for the blow’s to come…he knew this scene far too well. He took a couple steps away and lowered his voice a bit.

“Hey kid. What’s your name? And for fuck’s sake how old are you? Y’aint even up to my chest.”

Slowly, the boy stood up again and met his eyes with a bit more confidence, “I’m Arin, and I’m twelve.”

Guzma felt his eye twitch as the rage began to bubble up. Stalking past Arin, he threw open his door and bellowed, “PLUMERIA!!”

A few moments later he heard her voice from downstairs, “What?”

“GET YOUR ASS UP HERE NOW!”

It only took a minute for her to reach his room, which she entered casually as he slammed the door behind her before looming over her and jabbing a finger in Arin’s direction.

“What the fuck is a twelve year-old doing here?! Who let him in and how did he get past you?!” he spat furiously.

Plumeria crossed her arms, unfazed by his attempts at intimidating her and pointedly ignoring it, “He didn’t. I told him to go talk to you.”

“What the fuck Plumes?! He’s twelve! Freakin’ TWELVE! This is a gang not a daycare! We ain’t got no room for brats barely outta diapers what the hell were you thinkin’?!”

“Look G,” she sighed, holding up her hands “He wouldn’t take no for an answer. He wouldn’t listen to me, or Tony, or Kaleb, or Annette, or anyone. I finally figured he might listen to you. Or, at least you could scare him off.”

Guzma whipped his head toward Arin, “That true, kid?”

He nodded, “Everyone kept telling me no, b-but I really wanted to, so…Plumeria, right? She told me that if I wanted in that bad I had to talk to you.”

Guzma slapped a hand over his face and grumbled a string of muffled obscenities while stalking back to his chair and grabbing a half-empty bottle from it’s base. Flopping back down, he drained part of it in one long swallow before glaring at Arin again.

“No. That’s my final say. Now git. If ya can’t remember where the door is, Plumes’ll be happy to kick you out it.”

Arin drew a deep, shaky breath before standing up straight and doing his best glare back at Guzma with a surprising amount of ferocity, “I’m not leaving.”

“Yes you are ya little shit-stain now get outta my face. Go home. This ain’t no place for kids.” 

Arin dropped his gaze again, “…I can’t go home.”

“The hell does that mean?” 

“It means I can’t go home.”

Guzma slammed his fist on his chair, “Listen, smartass! I will personally throw ya out the nearest window if ya keep it up. Now whattaya mean?”

“It means I can’t go home! I won’t!” the boy was yelling now and holding his head, “I’m not going back to hearing how much of a failure and a retard I am, to being either ignored or screamed at, to-to getting beat whenever I breathe the wrong way!” 

That tense quiet settled over the room again, and Plumeria caught Guzma’s gaze, giving him a knowing look as she noticed his pained, livid expression.

Drawing a deep breath, Arin glanced at them both before explaining, “My dad’s always been…hard on me. But when I failed my Island Challenge, things got really awful. I can’t leave my room most of the time and when I do it gets…bad. I…” he swiped a hand across his eyes before squaring his shoulders and raising a fist, “I want to re-take it! I’m stronger now, and I know I could do it. But my folks keep telling me not to bother, that I’ll just screw up again! But I won’t! And-and that’s why I need to join you! To get even more strong so I can win and show everyone who doubted me that I’m not worthless!”

For just a moment, Arin vanished, and Guzma saw himself in the boy’s place; young, angry, disheartened, beaten down but still determined to come out ahead. His eyes flicked to Plumeria, who’s own were with clouded with uncertainty and pity. 

She stepped over to Guzma, bending so she could talk quietly into his ear, “G, I know what you’re thinking. This kid is goin’ through some serious shit, but there ain’t no way he’s got any place here. I don’t know what to do. We can’t just send him back to that...”

“We ain’t gonna. I have an idea.” he murmured, giving her hand a quick squeeze.

He stood again, approached Arin and knelt down so they were eye-to-eye. There was nothing he could do for his past self, but maybe he could help this boy in the present. 

“Look. Yer not joinin’ us. I meant what I said, this ain’t no place for kids,” he noted how Arin glowered at his feet and clenched his fists, “Ya wanna know why else? ‘Cause you still have a chance. All of us? This is it. This is rock bottom and there ain’t no place to go from that. You? You still got a shot at makin’ somethin’ of yourself. I saw how passionate ya were just then, talkin’ about your dream of completin’ your Island Challenge. Don’t let that kind of spunk and determination flicker out.”

Slowly, Arin looked up at him, his face twisted with despair and anger but touched with surprise at Guzma’s words, “I don’t have anyplace to go, and I am not going home.”

“Yeah, yeah I know. I can’t do anything else to help ya, but I know someone who can.”

 -Nanu craned his neck from his spot on his couch to look at his suddenly ringing phone. A couple Meowth looked up in vague interest before going back to grooming or napping. Finally, when he realized it was just going to keep ringing if he didn’t deal with it, he groaned and hauled himself to his feet, absently setting his coffee mug on a nearby desk and picking up the receiver. “Hello?”

“Hey. I uh…I got a favor I need to ask.”

Nanu sighed, “Nice to talk to you too, Guzma. If you’re in jail again I’m not helping.”

“Oh-eat my ass, old man!”

 “No thanks, and if you’re looking for a favor, talking to me like that isn’t helping.” 

“….The favor ain’t for me.” 

-It was nearly a month later when Guzma half-walked, half-stumbled down the road, managing to hold bottles in each hand as he sang loudly and made his way to Nanu’s place. 

Reaching the door he leaned against the frame and used his knee to ‘knock’. “Heeeey ya crazy old cat man! It’s ya boy! Lemme in I got beer!”

The door opened and Nanu looked him up and down with his usual tired, morose expression. Guzma’s hair was a complete disaster, covered in glitter and what appeared to be Silly String. A huge, lop-sided grin was plastered on his face as he slumped against the door.

“’Sup?” he slurred.

Nanu sighed, “I’m pretty sure I could hear you guys all the way from here. Well, come in.”

He stepped aside and allowed Guzma to stagger in and flop onto the couch, displacing several hissing Meowth in his wake. Still chuckling, he held up one of the bottles he had.

“Didn’t feel right leavin’ you outta the party so I thought I’d come down and share. C’mon! Have a beer with me! It’s the good stuff!”

Nanu considred the offered bottle for a moment before saying, “I’m not sure it’s a good idea for a police officer to accept stolen goods.”

Guzma looked almost offended, “Yo! I just got paid, and bought these fair and square! I swear!” then his face lit up again, “Heh heh, that rhymed! Even drunk I still got it!”

Nanu’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly; he knew full well where that ‘pay’ had come from, and made a mental note to check up with his contacts within Aether later. For now, he had to admit a beer sounded refreshing, and the fact that it was coming from that woman’s dime made it sound even sweeter. 

At last, he shrugged and took it, sitting down next to the gang leader. “Thanks.” 

“Eeeyyyyy! There ya go!” crowed Guzma, “Heh, we haven’t had a beer together in ages! A toast! To uh…” he scratched his chin, absently picking some Silly String from his scruff, “To…shit. I had somethin’…” 

“How about to your friend, Arin?” Nanu suggested.

“Who? Ain’t none of my crew named Arin.” 

“I mean the boy you called in a 'favor’ about a while back.” 

Guzma paused with his bottle halfway to his mouth, the realization creeping into his expression. Slowly lowering it, he stared at Nanu briefly before leaning back and turning his gaze to the nearest window, his smirk slowly fading. After a moment he asked, "How’d the little dude make out?"

“Technically I’m not really supposed to discuss these kinds of cases, but considering you’re quite drunk I trust you’re not going to go blabbing it anyway-if you remember anything,” he ignored Guzma’s muttered curses and began to explain, “Child Services was sent to the house and well...you were right. Arin was definitely being abused.”

“I fucking KNEW IT!” snarled Guzma, hurling his empty bottle so hard it cracked into several pieces upon impact with the wall, “The way he acted, the shit he said-fuck,” he whirled toward Nanu, his eyes ablaze, “Please tell me-”

Nanu calmly held up a hand, “It was dealt with. Arin is now living with relatives on another island, and his father is not allowed to see him. I checked in about a week ago, and he’s doing very well. He plans on re-taking his Island Challenge soon.”

Guzma let out a long, deep sigh. His shoulders relaxed and he stood, slowly pacing around the small building, hands shoved in his pockets. He couldn’t help but think; what if someone had noticed his situation? He glanced down at the heavy gold chain around his neck, and suddenly it felt a lot heavier. If things had turned out differently, would he still be wearing this? Standing here? He shook his head, stuffing the darkness back down as he always did. Nanu waited patiently until he turned back to him and spoke.

“Yo. Thanks, old man.”

Nanu shrugged casually, secretly enjoying hearing the sincere gratitude, “He’s a good kid. He’ll be alright...” he paused, unsure if he should open this can of worms but deciding it was probably okay in the man’s current state, “I just wish that someone had done the same for you.”

Instantly, the mood in the room changed. Guzma froze, whipping his head toward him, eyes wide, his face an unnerving cross between alarmed and furious, “What’s that mean huh? The fuck does that mean?”

Nanu squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, realizing he’d messed up but knowing there was no backing out, “It means I wish someone had spoken up on your behalf when you were younger and had to go through what Arin has...who knows? Maybe you would-”

“WHO THE FUCK TOLD YOU THAT?!” Guzma exploded so loudly all the the Meowth laying around yowled and scrambled over each other to run out the door, “THAT SHIT AIN’T NO ONE’S FUCKIN’ BUSINESS! I swear when I find the-”

“You did.”

Breathing heavily, fists clenched as if ready to fight an enemy who wasn’t there, or the phantoms of his nightmares, Guzma asked, “What?”

Nanu repeated himself, “You did. I don’t think you realize just how much you talk when you’re drunk. One night, kind of like this one, you came down here and told me all about your life growing up. You talked for what had to have been a couple hours before you passed out on the couch. When I got up you were still sleeping, so I left you some coffee before I took off.”

Guzma was now sitting again, hunched over and hands clenched in his hair, “Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck...I don’t remember tellin’ ya any a’ that...”

“Of course not. You were so hammered I doubt you would.”

He looked up, glaring furiously at the older man, “Ya didn’t repeat none of it right? “Cause I don’t need no one pryin’ into my shit or feelin’ sorry for me.”

“I didn’t. Frankly, what good would it do? You’ve already made yourself the most hated person in Alola. A tragic backstory wouldn’t make people despise you any less.”

Guzma smirked at that, “Heh, guess I have. What about you, old man? Do you despise me too?”

“No,” answered Nanu without hesitation, “You’re a pain in my ass sometimes but I don’t hate you.”

Chin resting in his hands, Guzma regarded him curiously. Though he was still quite hammered, he could tell Nanu was sincere with his words, a notion that both comforted but also greatly confused him; why would anyone not hate him? He could also feel the buzz beginning to wear off and realized he should be getting back before he ended up passing out on the couch again, or worse, blabbing any more about his youth. On the other hand, Nanu didn’t seem to care all that much that he had. Maybe he had found someone he could...

He squeezed his eyes shut. No.

Standing, he put on the biggest, most confident grin he could and gestured to the other two bottles he had brought, “Well, I better get home. Can’t leave the kids too long, ya know? They’ll rip the place apart, worse than it already is. Thanks for havin’ a beer with me.You can keep those. They’re on the house,” his smile faltered for just a second, “And uh, thanks for letting me know Arin’s okay. I’ll keep it to myself if ya keep the shit I said quiet, cool?”

Nanu nodded, “Of course.”

Guzma absently scratched at his neck, “That’s that I guess. Later, old man.”

“Yeah. Later.”

As he passed through the door, he heard Nanu say behind him, “Take care.” Before he could say thanks, it was followed with, “And sober up for Arceus sake.”

“Oh, bite me!” Guzma huffed, nearly slamming the door.

Nanu grinned smugly, gently scratching the Meowth that had come back and jumped into his lap.

[morethanithoughtofficialblog]

Chapter 13: I'm sad because I'm depressed and I'm depressed because I'm sad.

In which Sans remembers why he doesn’t talk about his feelings anymore.

*Sans's POV*

"Do you, by any instance, have suicidal thoughts?"

"i... not that often"

"But you have?"

"i would be lying if i say no"

Papyrus asked (Y/N) yesterday God-knows-what and he ended up knowing what a psychiatrist and a psychologist are, and here I am, talking with a psychiatrist. My brother said that it would be better if I had a new treatment started by a professional on the topic and not by a random monster that calls itself a doctor. Considering that in the Underground we only had general doctors, it was difficult to talk about these matters and get the help needed. Therefore, this seemed like a better option.

Papy spent the night (and this morning) looking for the best option to me, considering that discrimination it's still present. And so he went, asking multiple people if they were open to listen a depressing skeleton being depressed (he obviously didn't say it that way... I think). And so he finally found someone willing to help me, and we head off as soon as possible (hell, we didn't even eat... should I say I'm hungry?)

"Do you have a specific plan to commit suicide, Sans?"

"uh... no?"

"YOU DON'T SOUND SO SURE, BROTHER"

"it's just... i haven't thought about it that deeply. i just sometimes think that i want to disappear and that's it. no idea how, no idea when. just disappear.

"I see..."

The old man went over his little notebook and wrote something down. He was bald and had a white beard almost as pale as my skull, and had a sternum and serious look behind his rectangular glasses. He would be intimidating... if he wasn't a psychiatrist willing to help a monster. How bad could this man possibly be?

"Sans, do you sleep well? And I mean at nights"

"no, sir. i haven't been sleeping well since last year. i mean, i can easily fall asleep, but it's difficult to me to stay that way."

"I see, do you nap at day?"

"heh, a lot if you ask my brother"

"Ok..."

I freaked out for a moment, returning to an odd silence only filled by the sound of his pen writing down my weirdness. I became nervous, not knowing what he was going to ask next. But, honestly, I've been kind of unused to these unpredictable events the Surface has to bring. I was used to hearing the same dialogues and to say the same jokes, but know... everything it's fresh and new. It's scary, but quite a reliever.

"Ok Sans, do you by any chance have any specific dreams or nightmares?"

I froze and cough out the water I was drinking in shock. A quick flashback of the "Genocide Run" went all over my mind, the part of my brother dying repeating itself horribly. The empty look of that kid, the Judgement Hall being my new space... the kid giving up and resetting in front of my eyes, not before giving me a vengeful look.

"Sans? It's okay if you don't want to talk about it yet, but I need to know..."

I sighed, knowing that it was for the best. If I want to enjoy the future, I have to get rid of this fucking trauma.

"i... i do have specific dreams, sir. nightmares, actually. i... i don't want to mention them right now"

Papyrus let out a sigh in disappointment and I gave him a weak smile. I know he always wanted to know what's on my mind... but I just couldn't tell him at that moment. He smiled back to me, making me feel less pressured.

"Don't worry, Sans. We'll go step by step, no need to run all over the details. Still, the fact that you've been having constant nightmares of the same topic it's quite alarming, that's why I needed to know"

He then picked a piece of paper and scribbled some things down.

"This is for the drug store..."

He picked another one, not before drawing a small asterisk on the top.

"And this one is for you"

He then gave me the two pieces of paper and I glanced over them with Papyrus, curious about the medicines.

"In order to deal with your depression, Sans, you'll take a pill of Prozac (or fluoxetine) every morning, okay? I'll determine later for how much time"

We nodded, then glanced again at the paper, reading the next medicament.

"For your insomnia, Sans, you'll take a pill Restoril (or temazepam) every night before going to sleep. This is one of the best pills to not only falling asleep but also keeping you that way"

Before I could even nod, I noticed an uneasy look in the doc's face. I raised an... eyebrow, startling him for a second.

"I'm sorry" he stated, then sighed.

"IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG, DOCTOR?"

"Nothing it's just... the fact that Sans is having constant nightmares worries me. Do you also have constant flashbacks of said events?"

I slowly nodded, and his face got worst.

"DOCTOR? IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?"

"No, it's just... it breaks my heart to know that the Underground may not have been a better place than the Surface"

A better place?

"what do you mean, sir?"

"..."

He just sighed and gave me an apologetic smile, trying his best not to break down. I noticed he was on the edge of tears, and I felt panic running all over my body.

"Sans, there's a high chance you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or for short, PTSD"

"PTSD?"

"Yes, it's kind of a serious condition to deal with. It shows that Sans had a really traumatic event in his life, and it may seem impossible for him to have a normal life with all the fear he gained from that moment. Or am I wrong, Sans?"

I shook my head, and he gave me a sad smile. Just as he said, just as it is. I never thought it would be that serious, though.

"You'll take Zoloft (or sertraline) for that, Sans... but I also recommend you to go to a psychologist. I can directly put you an appointment with a friend of mine if that's what you want. What do you say? He'll be more than open to hearing your case"

Papyrus nodded excitedly, while I was not too sure. I felt like my normal balance would break down if I started to go to therapy... but then I looked to Papyrus again. I don't want him all worried about me, I want him to have a normal life. And for that, I also need to form a normal life myself.

"sure, may we have the address?"

"Sure, I'll give you an e-mail with it"

We gave the doctor a quick goodbye and a thank you, then head off to our home. I insisted to Papyrus that we could eat something first and relax, then go to the drug store. He groaned slightly and muttered a "lazybones" but took my offer.

When we arrived, though...

"Hello, my children! Where were you?"

Oh fuck.

I glanced over the living room and saw our small group of friends gathered cozily, including an almost smashed (Y/N), an annoying flower screaming, a suspiciously staring father, and more!

...I gulped, knowing I could never say the truth. (Y/N) is a new person in my life, the flower is a bitch, my father is another bitch, Undyne doesn't take anything seriously, Alphys takes everything seriously, Frisk is a dirty betrayer, Toriel worries too much, Asgore would go and make everyone check themselves with the therapist, Mettaton would go and check himself with a therapist, Napstablook would feel all sorry, and Arial would be highly disappointed.

...

Saying the truth sounds pretty awful at this point.

"OH, WE WERE AT THE DOCTOR, MOTHER!"

Oh crap

Papyrus seemed to notice my signal of begging help and came to the rescue immediately, never mentioning anything about a psychiatrist.

"SANS, BEING ALL STUPID, GOT SOMETHING STUCK IN HIS CHEST AGAIN!"

Ouch.

"yep. guess i need some spare ribs at this point, huh?"

Everyone groaned and so I successfully got away from the problem. I tried my best to keep my cool, but I easily spaced out a couple of times and ended up startling myself. They were doing rounds in Super Mario Bros., and (Y/N) seemed to be an expert on it, considering she was on World 6.

"Oh c' mon, when are you going to die?!" Flowey annoyingly exclaimed, foreshadowing a bit. I almost smacked him over before I saw Toriel's face, then I lost myself again on the videogame.

(Y/N) continued playing until arriving at the final castle. Surprising, to say the least. Everyone else was getting enthusiastic about her defeat, but it never happened. Instead, (Y/N) went to play all over again, making everyone groan.

"Oh my God, let us play as well!" Undyne roared, giving a death glare to the older human.

"You said you wanted me to prove how good I am..." She innocently answered, putting the controller aside.

"Ok, you've already proven yourself. Now, please, give us a chance this time" Frisk sighed in defeat, feeling vulnerable and probably fooled.

"Ok!" (Y/N) cheerily got up from the couch, then waved at Papyrus and me "Hi guys! Anything serious happened?"

Shit.

"IT'S NOTHING THAT CAN'T BE HANDLED, HUMAN!"

"I'm glad, how do you feel Sans?" She looked at me worried and made me feel like the worst person on Earth.

A huge part of me wanted to say the truth and confess my problems at that moment, but that was me feeling horrible. I always hated lying, but that's what my life has come to. At this point, I can barely feel sorry for lying...

Except on this topic.

I've always been sensitive with this stuff, and that's how Papyrus ended up knowing. It has become something really messed up that I want to let all the people I care about that I'm not okay. I want them to help me feel complete again. To feel safe. To have hope.

"Sans?"

"HUMAN... SANS... IS IT OKAY FOR YOU IF I TELL HER WHAT'S GOING ON? I TOLD HER SOME THINGS YESTERDAY AND SHE WAS REALLY COMPREHENSIBLE. BESIDES, MAYBE SHE CAN HELP US MORE WITH THE SUBJECT!"

I glanced over her, and she gave me a small and recomforting smile. Out of all the people, I never knew she would be one of those who know what's going on.

"If you don't want me to, Sans, I understand. Just know I'm here to support all of you, ok? And don't take that as an associate... but as a friend. I'm more than willing to help you out in any way I can... but that depends on you"

A deep pain went all over my soul, but then I nodded. If she was so understanding as Papyrus said she was when she heard what problem I have... maybe telling her a bit of detail won't hurt.

"we'll tell ya later, ok? now it's a little bit crowded"

"I understand, thanks for trusting me"

"thanks to you, kiddo"

Thanks to you...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Your POV*

It was a while after the small gathering ended, everyone having to go earlier than expected. I already attended my work-hunting business and find a convincing and small company. I sent them an e-mail, and so I'm waiting for them to text me back. But for now, more important things were on my head.

I feel really sorry about Sans's case, and how desperate Papyrus seemed yesterday when he told all about it. I suffer from some things as well, and I know it isn't easy. It's never easy to deal with yourself...

"HUMAN, SANS, SHALL WE DISCUSS NOW OUR LITTLE SECRET?"

Sans chuckled a bit and I nodded, preparing myself from what I was about to hear.

"OK, SO... YOU REMEMBER THE TALK WE HAD YESTERDAY, RIGHT HUMAN?!"

I nodded again, and he smiled and reassured his brother that he was in good hands. I giggled softly, and the short skeleton just scratched the back of his head out in embarrassment.

"I FOLLOWED YOUR ADVICE, AND I TOOK SANS TO THE MOST ACCESSIBLE PSYCHIATRIST I COULD!"

I smiled, glad that Sans accepted any help.

"What did the doctor diagnosed you, Sans?" I asked, hoping he would be the one answering me this time. After all, this is Sans's main problem, not Papyrus's. He tensed up a little but quickly relaxed as he remembered the presence of his brother there. He took enough courage silently, then spoke with that characteristic deep voice of his.

"depression, insomnia, and... well, something called ptsd, which is-"

"PTSD?!" I interrupted abruptly, not believing what my ears just heard. Sans having depression is hard to admit, but PTSD? Oh lord, what has this poor guy endured in his young life?

"uh... yeah, i... eh..."

Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap.

"Nonono, don't think that way, Sans. It's just... a bit surprising, coming for you. I never expected you to have such a problem, but I guess appearance is quite a bi... beach."

"BEACH?"

"Uh, yeah..." Please come with a good excuse, (Y/N) "You know, beaches may be all pretty on the photos, but the dangerous creatures and natural phenomenons they bring show that they are not that perfect. I guess that's the same for Sans. He easily can go on and hide perfectly with jokes and laughs, but that doesn't mean he's that careless nor happy on the inside... sorry for putting you that way, Sans"

"it's okay kid, i think i get it" he jokingly winked at me, noticing what I was going to say at first. I sighed, feeling pretty stupid at this point.

"Anyways... what has the doctor prescribed you, Sans?"

"this thing called 'prozac', another one called 'restoril' and the last one being 'zoloft'..."

Huh, I have all of those at home.

Maybe I can give him some, considering I have a ton of them...

"HUMAN! SANS MAY BE ON TREATMENT AND ALL, BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO THINK LESS OF HIM! HE'S AN EXCELLENT MONSTER, EVEN IF HE'S WAY TOO LAZY, BUT HE'S A GOOD BROTHER!"

I saw a slight hint of blue hue spread all over Sans's cheekbones, and I assumed it was blush. I smiled softly, knowing that would be the kind of brothership I would want. Instead, I had the goddamn curse to have no brothers or sisters, and here I am. Alone.

"I would never think less of anyone by this reason, Papyrus" Then I came up with a wild idea, but that mind instantly approved. My smile grew bigger, and I continued "Actually, now that you're confessing me something quite touchy... I guess I should do the same. It may help you to feel a bit more comfortable, Sans"

He raised an eyebrow and I returned to my soft and small smile, preparing myself...

Now that I was thinking about it, it was a bad idea. It was a bad idea to show my weak points, to show my problems, and to show how vulnerable I actually am. But that didn't stop me. And it will never do.

"I... besides from dealing with, well, anxiety, I also suffer from depression..." His eyes widened and tensed up, staring at me with the same shock I felt when he mentioned PTSD. I continued "I have insomnia as well, and... a psychiatrist said I probably had PTSD, considering some constant dreams I have..."

"i... how?"

What?

"i mean, how can you have all those things and still want to help others instead of yourself?"

I stared at him, dumbfounded. Then I sighed with a smile on my face, trying to feel as confident as I could.

"Making others happy is what makes me happy, Sans. And that's what I need the most..."

"To be happy"

[undertsums]

One shot Undertale Crossovers that I never finished

I actually started on Crossovers before so I am going to post the two below.

Note these are not finished and will never be finished for many reasons.

UnderHeart (Undertale and Kingdom Hearts Crossover)

Sora, Donald and Goofy were travelling the universes trying to track down Kairi and Riku, they had discovered a new world. A brand new world...born during this time of heartless and worlds fading, "maybe the King is in this new world" Goofy said, Donald hummed "I don't think so...look at it, so tiny" he complained. "Well Kairi and Riku might be down there" Sora said as Donald sighed "fine..." he said not wanting to argue with Sora, they went to land and found themselves on a bed of golden flowers "gowsh these sure are pretty" Goofy said as he picked up a golden flower.

Suddenly a girl landed in Goofy's arms, quite a young child "where did she come from?" Donald asked worriedly, Sora looked up and saw a hole "looks like she fell" he explained, the girl seemed to shuffle her eyes weren't open but she saw Sora and gasped slightly as she struggled out of Goofy's grasp, she quickly ran away into the next room "wait up!" Sora yelled running after the girl "SORA!" Goofy and Donald yelled running after him.

"...Asriel?" Sora stopped and turned "why did you stop?" Goofy asked "I thought I heard something..." Sora said "nevermind we have to chase after that girl" Donald said, Sora nodded as he ran into the next room and saw the girl with a goat monster "oh...hello my child" the goat monster said with a kind smile, the girl turned and quickly hid behind the goat monster "um...hello" Sora said wondering why the girl was so scared of him. "My name is Toriel, I am the guardian of the ruins...follow me, I'll take you to my home" she said as she took the girl's hand, Sora quickly followed the two.

He gasped at the ruins, red flowers by some stairs and an open door "follow me" Toriel said letting go of the girl's hand and walking on, the girl walked up to the flowers as Sora noticed a flashing yellow star as the girl held out her hand to it, he saw words pop up, Chara LV 1 EXP 0...maybe it was her name? If so she didn't talk much...she didn't talk at all, Chara stared at Sora and looking back to the previous room, "come my child" Toriel said as Chara quickly followed Toriel, "she's a bit strange" Sora whispered "well this is a new world Sora" Donald replied, "these ruins will be your home from now on" Toriel said as she was teaching Chara about the puzzles, so far there wasn't a single heartless in sight.

"I must leave you for now my children...wait here, the ruins have become more dangerous and I wouldn't want you hurt" Toriel said "I will give you a cell phone, call me for anything" she added handing Chara a cell phone, then left "so...what's your name?" Goofy asked Chara, she stared at Goofy in silence before giving a small smile. Words appeared in front of her 'FIGHT', 'ACT', 'ITEM' and 'MERCY', Chara picked act then talk "I'm Frisk...it is nice to meet you" she said, "but I saw Chara when you touched that golden star" Sora said, Frisk frowned and picked act then check. *Sora, AT ?, DF ?, is the chosen one... Frisk stared at Sora nervously she then picked talk "you are not of my world...are you?" she asked, Sora frowned "no we're not...I'm trying to find my friends, Riku and Kairi" he said, Frisk frowned as she picked talk "you won't find them here, I know everyone...you are the first new people I've met in years" she said, Sora, Donald and Goofy stared confused "what do you mean by that?" Goofy asked.

Frisk seemed to sigh at the fact as she picked talk "in a few minutes, Toriel will ring up" she said, "how do you know that?" Donald asked before the phone began to ring, Frisk answered keeping quiet making the conversation impossible to follow since Sora and the others couldn't hear Toriel. Frisk began to move "wait aren't we supposed to wait for Toriel?" Goofy asked, Frisk turned and rolled her eyes picking talk again "no...she will be held up, there is no point in waiting...I just want to get through this place...maybe you will make it exciting" she answered, Sora couldn't understand but there was no use in waiting so he followed Frisk.

"RIBBIT!" a frog said worriedly as it ran toward the group as a group of dark creatures were chasing it, "HEARTLESS!" Sora yelled about to fight them...instead he noticed the whole battlefield turning black and white as the heartless were stuck in place, unable to attack, those same words appeared again Frisk picked act and check. *Heartless AT ?, DF ?, has no heart...can not be spared. Frisk frowned at this as she picked Mercy then flee as the battlefield returned to normal, leaving Sora and the group to fight.

UnderHeart would be an awesome concept to see, especially if you decide to make Donald, Goofy and Sora into human kids (as human children are the only confirmed to fall down). It is odd that there isn’t many crossovers of Undertale and Kingdom Hearts especially since some of the music can sound similar, also considering, souls are a thing, heartless could be used effectively, especially with Flowey, heck Frisk at the end could show themself as a keyblade master too, (wouldn’t be too out of reach considering they have determination and it would only be used during Omega Flowey fight).

Anyways there needs to be more fanfics of this.

Once Upon a Tale (Undertale and Once Upon a Time)

After defeating Hades, Emma and the others thought they were finally done with the weirdness of Storybrooke, but that was far from the truth, it seemed like a normal day...the birds singing, flowers blooming...perfection.

BOOM!

The ground was shaking and from the forest appeared a mountain out of nowhere, everyone heard and felt it, but only a few felt the powerful magic coming from the mountain "what the hell was that?" Hook asked, Emma stared at the forest "I don't know...but I just felt some powerful magic" she replied "so did I" Regina added looking at Emma worriedly "we better get there before Rumple does" Emma said.

At the mountain Frisk walked out and saw the little town, it didn't seem familiar to them "WOWIE IT'S AMAZING" Papyrus said excited, Sans stared almost confused "yeah...it's cool" he added "everyone, this is a new start between humans and monsters" Asgore said, "I WILL GO AND GREET THEM" Papyrus declared as he hurried off, "I'm coming Paps" Sans said as he followed his brother. Frisk kept silent as they stared "so...my child, I'm guessing your going to go on your way now" Toriel said upset, Frisk shook their head and grabbed Toriel's hand "my child...you wish to stay?" she asked, Frisk gave a quick nod "then let us go my child" Toriel said leading Frisk down the mountain.

"Bro we should let the kiddo greet the humans" Sans said "NONSENSE SANS, I AM THE BEST AT MAKING NEW FRIENDS" Papyrus replied not intent on stopping, Sans frowned "I know bro but...we're monsters" he said making Papyrus stop "HMM...YOU HAVE A POINT BROTHER, OKAY I WILL WAIT FOR FRISK" he said, Sans gave a sigh "thanks bro..." he said looking around at the forest area  "hey...what do ya call a monkey with no skin?" Sans asked holding back his laughter, "SANS NO..." Papyrus said annoyed, "a", "NO", "bab", "NO", "bone" Sans finished "NYEEEEEEEEH!" Papyrus yelled in anger.

"YOUR PUNS ARE NOT FUNNY!" Papyrus continued yelling as Sans began laughing the two soon stopped when they heard footsteps, Papyrus turned seeing a bunch of new exciting people "WOWIE LOOK SANS, HUMANS" Papyrus said, Sans stared at the new 'friends' "heya humans...nice to meat ya" he said with a wink, "YES NICE TO MEET YOU" Papyrus said not picking up on the pun. "What the hell are they?" Hook asked "I dunno...Paps what are we?" Sans asked, Papyrus glared at Sans "WE ARE SKELETONS" he said, "oh good, for a moment I thought I was a human, maybe that's why everything goes through me" Sans said "SANS NO" Papyrus said annoyed, "you boys better be behaving" Toriel said as she and the rest came from the trees with Frisk.

Frisk saw the new people and gave a smile as they walked up to the group and began to sign 'hello, I am Frisk these monsters are my family, they are friendly', Emma understood the language "what's with the hands?" Hook asked "it's sign language" Emma replied as she kneeled down "I'm Emma Swan" she said, Sans's eyes seemed to sparkle "oh I get to make bird puns now" he said seeming excited "SANS" Papyrus said with a growl.

Frisk giggled as they shook Emma's hand, Emma's eyes widened the magic power she felt...it was from this kid. *Making a new friend...fills you with DETERMINATION* Frisk liked this ending...something new, something exciting...maybe she will stay for awhile, Emma stands back up "welcome to Storybrooke" she said, Sans couldn't hold back a chuckle "oh god the names" he said "SANS PLEASE BE RESPECTFUL" Papyrus said "bro...you hurt me..." Sans replied, "anyways...I gotta head back anyway...I'll catch up with ya kiddo" Sans added as he walked off. "Is he going to be okay on his own?" Henry asked "OF COURSE GIVE US A TOUR OF YOUR...STORYBOOK" Papyrus said as Henry gave a laugh "sure follow me" he said leading the monsters into town, Frisk stared until Sans was out of sight..."are you okay?" Emma asked, Frisk nodded 'I am going to follow mother...' they signed as they hurried up to the group.

Sans hummed as he walked through the forest "okay...what ending is this?" he asked himself taking a book out of his jacket, "lets see, sparing everyone, breaking the barrier...nothing seems to be different than a normal pacifist run...then why this ending?" he asked to himself, he stopped suddenly "heh...ya can come on out..." Sans said soon hearing footsteps and seeing a man walk out. "Heya...you weren't with the other humans, I'm Sans, Sans the skeleton" Sans said holding out his hand...the man stared causing Sans to become a little nervous, "heh...rude, oh well...ya come to just stare?" he asked as he put the book back in his jacket.

For people who don’t know Once Upon a Time it’s really good, it’s got fairytale stuff (mostly disney, but other stuff too), but much darker. Anyway I sadly won’t go into too much detail about Once Upon a Time as I don’t have great explanation skills.

Anyway this fic would have had Rumple (who is like the main villain in the show) try and sway Sans that Frisk (who has constantly reset many times, almost done a genocide run too), to help him. That he could take that power away so it would never be used again. Basically he is Bill Cipher and you can’t trust him.

Actually that’s a good comparison, except Rumple does stick to his deals more than Bill does.

Anyway Emma would have to try and stop Sans, (Emma has magic powers because she’s the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming), but neither knowing that Chara before falling had made a deal with Rumple. So blah blah, bad stuff, blah blah, possible deaths, blah blah reset.

Anyway I really wanna work on a Steven Universe one and am trying to think when I want it to take place, obviously I don’t want it too early or too late, so I may place it after The Trial, when Steven gets home.

[issasideblog]

Introduction!

Well, um hello lolol~

How’s it hanging?

This is my first post on this blog, I’m not even sure if I’m going to post anything, but I guess it’s a good place to post my feelings and other things.

I have no idea how to start this, so I guess I’ll just link this post on my other blog, it’ll give a shorter explanation of what’s happening right now heh.

Okay, so hopefully you’ve read that if anyone does read this, or if future me reads this then hello, hope you’re Gucci now~!

Like I said in that post, I’ve been feeling quite down recently.

I’ve always been like this, but recently it’s gotten worse and I’m not entirely sure why, the only reason I can think is that I’m changing medication.

But it doesn’t really explain why I’m constantly sad, or empty/numb

Don’t get me wrong, I do feel happy sometimes, but not a lot.

I don’t have many friends, but I don’t mind to be honest.

I’ve always struggled with friends, this is apparently because I have Autism (there’s that too lolol~), so I’ve never really had friends for a long time.

But, I have one close friend (my best friend) the others are just people I hang out with at school, since I don’t really leave my house. 

I don’t really like the others too much, I know that sounds mean. But I’ve always struggled with attachment.

I don’t get attached easily, especially after I found out that they were talking about me behind my back.

Every single friendship I’ve ever had has ended like that, so I kind of don’t trust many people.

I said above that I rarely leave my house, this is for many reasons I guess.

1. I’m scared of people.

That sounds kind of weird in a way if you don’t understand.

I hate meeting new people, and being around other people makes me incredibly nervous, but I don’t really show it.

I can’t make eye contact with people (another thing to do with my autism heh)

2. It triggers my OCD

This also sounds kind of weird, but I’ll explain.

I have really bad OCD (Which could also be part of my autism apparently) but I hate being touched, and as soon as someone touches me I feel contaminated and have to wash.

I can’t sit in any place, beside my bed without feeling dirty and having to wash.

Nobody can sit on my bed, or I have to change my bedding.

If I don’t shower I feel disgusting but sometimes I have no motivation to shower which makes me feel even worse.

3. I’m paranoid

I constantly feel like I’m being watched, no matter what I’m doing. I could just be sat in my room (like I am right now) and feel like I’m being watched. It stops me doing certain things (like exercising) and I have to change really fast.

Being outside triggers this even more, I feel like everyone is watching me and judging me, or that I’m being followed.

To be honest, I just prefer being inside. I feel safer I suppose, but not entirely safe.

My school life is even worse.

My grades are terrible, so is my attendance.

I struggle to get out of bed on a morning, because I’m exhausted, I have no motivation and I honestly don’t see the point, I feel like I’m not going to live long enough anyway. 

That sounds like I’m going to kill myself, but I wouldn’t because it would hurt people I care about, I guess.

I find it hard to believe people care about me, but I don’t want to risk them being hurt.

But, I’m very clumsy and kind of self-destructive. I don’t really look after myself, and often miss meals and don’t eat or drink for ages.

~

Recently, I’ve started sleeping in school.

I’ll just be listening to the teacher talk and lose focus and just fall asleep.

I fell asleep in my exams, which I failed.

That made me sad, but no one knew heh, people that knew got mad/judged me heh.

I literally have no energy, so I try sleep whenever I can.

Min Yoongi who?

~

I have no motivation to try in school, even though I want to.

I haven’t done homework in three years, nor have I tried hard.

I don’t have good relationships with teachers because of this. They hate me heh.

I sometimes skip lessons, which makes them hate me even more.

My maths teacher now despises me because me and my friend didn’t go to her lesson and gave us a detention (which I couldn’t go to because I wasn’t at school because I was too depressed heh, but my friend did so she doesn’t hate her). But another girl skipped the lesson and didn’t get into trouble which I found rude.

Now my maths teacher treats me like crap and will pick on me any chance she gets which makes me feel like crap and stops me going to her lesson.

I’ve nearly been expelled three times, which was a rollercoaster lmao.

But the latest was last year:

Like I said in my other post, I have Bipolar disorder, which gives me severe mood swings.

During this incident, I was in a manic state, I literally couldn’t control myself it’s kind of like being drunk in a way?

Anyway, me and this teacher were messing around in maths and he said something that I can’t remember and my manic self (please remember I had no control over this, I couldn’t control myself) said

‘Screw you too’

I don’t even know what happened, but he got pissed and yelled at me.

Then sent me out.

A while later, my best friend brought my bag out and I got sent to the deputy head (I think that’s who he is I honestly have no idea lmao).

I later found out she brought my bag out because my actual maths teacher (not the one that sent me out) said if she brought me it, I’d accuse her of doing something to it.

Probably not wrong tbh

Yeah, so I got sent to the maybe deputy head, I don’t know guy for the rest of the lesson (it was my last period, so I could go home straight after). He made me, my best friend and our ex best friend stay behind, except my ex best friend ran off.

We both had to give a statement of what happened????

(This is kind of turning into me talking shit about my school whoops)

But then yeah, my best friend said she didn’t want to do it in case they lied against us, but she was forced to.

THEY DID LIE AGAINST US IT WAS RIDICULOUS.

Around this time, I was being forced to stay behind because I was missing school.

Apparently, it was to ‘catch up’ but I didn’t do anything besides sit there???

So, it was basically a detention, even though my reason for missing school was my mental illness.

Anyway, I was forced to write an apology letter to both teachers, even though I didn’t do anything to one of them?

The whole screw you was literally a joke??? I thought we were messing around which we were.

Anyway yeah, they refused to let me leave until I did it.

(I couldn’t get out without them letting me)

I can’t remember what I wrote but my head teacher had to help me because I refused to write it, because in my mind (and many others) I didn’t do anything wrong, I couldn’t help my actions and they knew it.

But yeah, I was forced to do this, and went home crying.

My parents were pissed.

I’m pretty sure they called the school and told them to retract the apology or something. I don’t wanna ask now lmfao.

So, them both the maths teacher and the other one that I said it to (he’s now my physics teacher and is nice to me??? but it’s gucci) hated me and so I stopped showing up to that lesson, and form (she was my form tutor)

EVERY MATHS TEACHER I’VE HAD IN SECONDARY HAS HATED ME WTH WHY AM I SO UNLIKABLE???

~

Anyway, my school didn’t believe me when my parents told them I had bipolar disorder.

The school phoned my doctor without us knowing, and asked if I actually had it.

My doctor phoned my parents because it’s confidential and they needed permission, which we gave.

But yeah there’s that too.

I have so many bad incidents in school what even

~

Because of my disorder and other shizzle, I have a lot of appointments, I miss a lot of school.

At one point my teacher (the physics/screw you guy. Why is he always in this? He’s nice now but still) told me I should cancel them.

I can be really suicidal and put myself and others in danger do you really want that, buddy?

But now, they’re demanding all letters of my appointments, but it’s confidential????

Like uh no go away, my mental illness don’t get your own they suck.

~

My PE teacher (I am so tempted to give her name because I really don’t like her but I’m not actual that mean, she also might see this and sue me lolol)  is one of the worse for dealing with my illness tbh, despite the fact her brother killed himself.

This next part is probably gonna sound really attention seeky but meh, I’m just going to be honest here, because honesty is the best policy.

She treats everyone else really nice (except a recent incident with my best friend) but it comes to me and she’s horrible.

She ignores it, and/or blames it on me (this is another thing entirely ugh).

One time I was really depressed in physics (ITS THE SCREW YOU TEACHER AGAIN FGS LMAO) and he was like ‘I’ll email pe teacher and tell her’ but instead of telling her I was sad, he said I refused to work????

I was sat in the changing rooms, basically crying and she comes in and yells at me for not doing pe.

(side note: I don’t do PE because of my paranoia, insecurity and OCD heh)

I haven’t done pe in three years wth you know this???

Then she goes

“Do you want to talk about it? Never mind you never do.” and walks out.

I don’t like talking to others about my feelings, because in my mind they don’t care and I’m just a bother to them.

~

In year seven, I was forced to go to the school councillor.

She brought another girl (who for the record, is horrible and I really don’t like her).

She then started talking about my bipolar and saying stuff meaning the horrible girl knew all aboout my private stuff.

The councillor then went on to say my disorder is my own fault????

Apparently, I was just hanging around with the wrong people and not having enough confidence??

No, I have a mental illness, I can’t prevent it.

~

Trigger warning: self-harm

A few years ago, I used to cut myself (I don’t anymore) and my teacher was trying to force me to take my jumper off, and at some point, I got in trouble for cutting myself h e c c.

~

A few weeks ago, I told my teacher about how I was struggling with body issues and starving myself. She asked me how I was once but did nothing else.

If it wasn’t for my friend and parents realising I could have starved myself to death, and she would have watched it happen.

I even wrote a song about it recently and it was obvious it was about me, but my teacher read it (it was for an assessment) and said nothing.

~

Alas I cannot think of any more incidents at school, there are literally too many.

Ever since an early age, I’ve struggled with sleep.

I can go days without sleeping or sleep all day.

This sometimes actually depends on my bipolar.

If I’m manic, I can stay up for days, if I’m depressed I can and most likely will, sleep for days.

I also have something called delayed sleep phase syndrome (Jesus I have a lot of problems)

So, my sleeping schedule is messy.

It’s literally 7:30am and I haven’t slept even though I’m exhausted.

My whole life I’ve had low self-esteem.

I hate everything about myself.

This could be because I’ve been bullied my whole life.

One of my biggest issues is with my weight (You can probably tell where this is going so trigger warning)

I’ve always gone through phases of not eating for days, or rarely eating but recently has been the worse it’s ever been.

I was barely eating, I’d go days without eating, sometimes I would force myself to throw up.

I was constantly over exercising and sometimes I would lose all energy and I’d just collapse to the floor and couldn’t get up, but I’d still push myself.

I lost all my energy, which led to me sleeping at school, as you read above.

I even nearly fell asleep while walking home once.

I told my teacher this too once, not the whole thing, just that I was insecure and wasn’t really eating (like you read above) and she didn’t do anything.

Like I said, I have low self-esteem so I rarely like myself.

I constantly think my friends hate me, this is also because almost everyone prefers my best friend to me and leave me for her.

I think I’m unlikable, and honestly, I’m sure it’s true, no matter what others say.

No matter how many compliments and things I get, I never believe it, they just make me think I’m being pranked and people are laughing at my reactions.

I also get intrusive thoughts sometimes.

I’ll just be doing something and thoughts about me being worthless and other things like that will bombard my mind, or I will get thoughts about killing myself or killing others and I can’t stop it.

It’s just something that happens to me now, to the point it rarely bothers me.

I sometimes, not often, hear things and hallucinate.

This is rare though but has been happening more and more often recently.

They’re usually voices telling me my friends don’t like me, I’m worthless, stupid, they insult me and things like that. They also just repeat things I’ve heard during the day really loudly.

I’ve never really told anyone this.

I sometimes see flashes of faces and people in my sight, I’m not sure if that’s hallucinations but yeah.

Above I said that I’ve always had bad friends, besides now.

One of my worst was being bullied constantly, I don’t even know why I tried being their friends, I was very naive.

One of them still hates me rip.

He’s dangerous now so you know, kind of paranoid.

Another friendship was when one girl’s mother was a drug dealer and they all tried pressuring me into doing drugs and smoking with them.

I never did, I just came up with a lie it wasn’t hard to be honest.

They probably knew but who cares?

Earlier on I said I have paranoia (if it can be called that).

But yeah, I feel like I’m being watched all the time, no matter what I’m doing.

I’m not sure who, but I just feel like someone out there is watching me either through my window (so I always have my curtains closed), through my camera (so I always have them covered) or through a hidden camera in my room which I can’t do anything about.

I once hid under my covers because it got too much, but the feeling was still there.

I’m suddenly exhausted.

My mind has gone blank, but I’ll try post more I guess, if I remember, or have something to write about.

Thank you for reading!

I hope you have a good day/night! ^-^ <3

 I’ve probably made loads of mistakes here because I suck hEH SORRY

[cuthie]

Lautner: Stirring The Cauldron

  The question was asked: Where will you be when the fourth war comes to an end?

     Tell you where I’ll be. Alone, back in a retaken Darkshore or Gilneas one. No one giving me stink eye, no one looking to take offense at any slightest insult they perceive, whether it was intentional or happenstance. No more frowning faces teaming up against me, scolding me like I’m some punk kid who needs discipline. No more Laz giving me whiplash with his opening up when we’re alone and growling when we’re in public eye. No more fuckin Marco asking if my balls had dropped while he fondles his lynx. No more oversized elves with their weird negligent rituals, no more half demons.. Well, that guy hadn’t turned out too bad, had he? I guess the druidess is okay too. Whatever. That whole thing was probably Laz’s fault too.     No more witches. Cept Margo, she’s cool. How had I not picked up on that before?     Oh yeah, cause Laszlo is a turd and ugh.

    No more tryin to make amends through shifts in behavior that nobody picked up on anyways. No more tryin’ to earn respect and fight on behalf of my allies while they catcall me and make me feel like shite mid-fight. No more having to drag my feet away from competitors who genuinely like me, and having to return to a group that looks the other way when I approach. No more biased leadership ready to shift the blame on their favorite scapegoat. No more stick up her ass Haesel sayin’ we’re square, then goin out of her way to piss me off or finding a way to belittle me to others without having to even speak my name.     Me. Wilderness. Books. Lots of books. I’ve done such little reading since joining these assholes. Like, the dumb training with those Sentinels. Okay, so the Sentinels are actually really cool, but fuck me sideways if some of them aren’t the most condescending of people. No more swords and armor and magic hex pouches. No more blame. Just me, reading a thousand books of a thousand different worlds and characters, the best of which are just blank enough for me to become them internally.     At least Kierro’s cool. He could have named me. He didn’t. Everyone knew who he was talking about. Mid-speech I got a dozen sets of eyes directed right at me. A subtle threat suggesting I be removed for my own safety.     If that happened, I’d consider my debt repaid. Boom, done, over, easy. I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for them, so I figured the nicest thing I could do would be to join up. I’m not a babe lost in the woods. I’m not useless, no matter how Haesel tries to devalue my worth. I’m a Gilnean. We’re good at bloody everything. Moreso, I’m a Worgen, I’m a wolf, I’m a beast, that monster that Lassie fears. Leaping up fifteen or twenty feet into branches, swift as an arrow, capable of ripping a man in half with just my claws. Or teeth, as that blood elf had learned. Any witches wanna fling curses at me, I’ll find out what they taste like. Probably foul as fel like their little whatever-the-fuck those creatures were I bit into.     Sticks and mud and festering meat. I’m pretty sure nobody saw me vomit afterwards. They jump on even the slightest weakness here, and that’s all I need is someone asking if Laut’s ‘tum tum’ is okay.     Myth had said what I was thinkin, maybe what more than a few of us were thinking. He asked, ‘What would the Sentinels do, Haesel?’ What would they do if she abandoned her duty to them, left her post and went home because she wasn’t in charge and things weren’t going to her liking?     Haesel had feigned confusion. ‘Whatever do you mean?’     I tried liking her, but no matter what I do she just kinda flips me the bird. No, she’s not vulgar like that, but her own method is much more grating.     So I finished Myth’s question for him. ‘You abandoning your post.’ It was the first thing I had said in a good hour. I had taken in Kierro’s wolf, I was just as injured as the next bloke, but I deserved to be. So I stood in line, waiting in silence. Then Fey blew up. Haesel was abandoning us under the pretense that we’re too dangerous. No, not us, me. Was that supposed to be an ultimatum? Or an excuse because she was scared? Whatever. Fey’s the one who blew up, stomping her feet and telling me to ‘Shut the fuck up’.     It wasn’t the first time she had taken a side against me, won’t be the last.     I keep going back to that Kierro speech. I’ve got all my shite packed, and I’m trying to offer smiles to everyone. Hey, hi, hello. It’s exhausting being social and I’m terrible at it. Kierro’s got my back though. He didn’t say my name. I think he’s sincere when he calls us a family. That’s something I haven’t experienced for seven years now. I was just a kid before shite went all sixes and sevens. Now this big goofy night elf with his wild kinda hot hair is holding his hand out to me. And I owe him, I owe all of them. It’s the only reason I’m still here, close as I was to just uprooting after Fey’s outburst.     I don’t have to like everyone, none of them have to like me, but we need to be able to work together. I need to suck it up when certain individuals strip me down verbally, let me know how useless I am.     Of course, I did fuck up. This all started long before that. This was the first time in their company I -actually- messed things up. Everything else has been such peculiar happenstance that it’s just too difficult to explain away, moreso when I consider how awful I am at explaining things anyways. I just talk in circles trying to find the words that match descriptively and can be understood by everyone. I read faces wrong, see confusion, and retrace my conversation. Blah.     Why did I write that dumbass note?     Ugh. We were scouting. Bae was there. Good lookin, handsome as fel Baelryn. He stuck up for me when we were strangers. He helped me take the win against Laz and Margo. That was amazing. Things weren’t as tense in Boralus as they were here in the haunted woods of Drustvar. 

    So we’re looking at effigies. Old ones. If there was any magic in them, it probably expired a hundred years ago. Of course, I don’t know anything about them outside of what was explained to us back in Whateverguard Soundstorm. I really need to memorize at least the names of these locales. So Bael shoots one, Lex.. Was that her name? Lexi, yeah, pretty sure. She picks some up, inspects them. Every gust of wind, every twig snapping and every hoot of an owl was ominous to them and everyone else in the woods.     People who are actually good fighters. We were in a war against the Undead and their Horde monster companions. Some of these people have been in war after war, standing toe to toe with space Orcs from another dimension as well as the foulest of demons in existence. Comparatively, these old hags were fleas, right? Nuisance, pests.     But they were scared, they were cautious. It made me uneasy. And Bae was there with me, and everyone was just too worrisome.  So I smirk and make a joke out of it. That’s something I tend to do when I’m nervous anyways, make bad jokes that only I get. I took out a bit of parchment, got my ink and quill all setup. I like the smell of ink on paper, it makes me think I could someday be a writer like my father was.     And then I wrote the first thing that came to mind. ‘Dear Coven of Whatever’. I don’t remember the rest. I wanted them to know we had them where we wanted and we weren’t scared. Which wasn’t true at all. Logically, they weren’t going to happen across my note in the middle of the fuckin woods in the middle of the night even. Right? The random happenstance chance of that was just.. Incalculable. I put a small note on a tree, I feel better, I look good, strong, intimidating, hot maybe? Heh, yeah. I mean, I’d do me.     Lex caught me, read the note. Told me not to be doing stuff like that, so I just gave her that confident smirk. I wasn’t flat out beating my chest, but I did give Bael that eyebrow thing I’ve been workin on in the mirror. The ‘hubba hubba, yeah I’m fly, baby I know’ look. Is there even anything there, or is this Laz all over again?     Then shite went down. I fell asleep reading about the starless nights of Roland and Steven, could-be lovers of Westfall. Gah I wish the author would just settle that. I mean, come on, they’re clearly made for one another. And Gil? Wow, yeah, fuck Gil. Rich ass bastard, Steven wouldn’t even be with him if it wasn’t for his money and the debt owed. Ugh.     Voices rang out, reading my letter word for word. In my opinion, there was as much a chance of Sylvanas Windrunner finding that letter as there was these old codgers.     It was all a rush. The undead, the banging, the storm, the calls, the little army of hellions that tasted like illidari farts.     We won. That’s what we came here for, right? To fight them, to beat them, to protect those that would be harmed otherwise. If their focus is on us, it’s not on the townsfolk. That’s a good thing, but regardless, that was never my intent.     I wanted to put a positive spin on it. I didn’t wanna gripe or bicker, that was the old pre-Ancient ritual Lautner. This was the new and improved me, the one who’s eager to help and says ‘yes ma’am’ and ‘no thank you’.     They didn’t give two shits. They were pissed and they let me know, repeatedly. Some more than others.       So what now? I guess I’ll just shut up. That’s what Fey told me to do, yeah? Fuck her. Maybe I should just intentionally say nothin’ when I’m around her. Then again, that’s exactly what she wants. She wouldn’t see passive aggressiveness, she’d just see it as her winning.     Winning what? Why is it always so important that I ‘win’ things that aren’t competitions?     Ugh. Whatever. This is so stupid dramatic, like a bad young adult novel. ‘But my feelings’. Yeah, fuck feelings. I need to suck this shit up and just kill some witches. I’ll eventually get to go back to being alone when we win. Or I’ll go to where that fire would have taken me.     Either way, it’s best to just continue this dumbass path of trying to get along with assholes. Just smile and nod and take my lickings. Who knows, maybe they’ll come around.

[kieranisapratt]

Hello Tumblr My Old Friend

Wow, we’re coming up to a year and a half since I last posted a rant late at night. I remember when I would do this daily and post twice if I missed a day. It was like a little bit of a diary, heh. Anyway, off topic.

For those of you who are new to this, I have trouble expressing myself so I post on a social media page in the hopes that people will see it without me having to actually tell them. As I mentioned, I used to do this daily (for the love of god don’t go searching, I beg you) and it helped, so in times of confusion, I tend to try again.

So updates since last time:

School life: non-existent. I am officially an adult, It’s all about the school of life now. Oh fuck,

Home life: things between my family and I are fine. I don’t see them as much as I should because I have girlfriend and a flat, but I think that everything is OK. The issue I’m having with them currently is that they’re all too fucking stubborn. My parents and grandparents live next to each other (to clarify just the grandad on my mum’s side). My parents and sister tend to make the effort and are always doing stuff for my grandad and his partner and from the sounds of things it’s not really reciprocated. My mum also doesn’t think she’s a priority for my grandad. Both of these combined mean they’re not making the effort with my grandad. My grandad being of that age is a stubborn arse and thinks that my mum is too busy for him so isn’t making the effort. THEY LIVE NEXT DOOR AND NEITHER OF THEM ARE MAKING THE EFFORT. I haven’t had a chance to speak to my grandad, but I have told my parents/sister to stop being so stubborn because live is too bloody short. I understand being frustrated, but just talk to each other and air the god-damn grievances. It’s not that hard. I’ve said this a lot to my family, but god help my kids if I ever have any, they gonna be stubborn as shit. Having thought about it, I’m concerned about my sister. She doesn’t have much of a social life, and tends to spend a lot of time with my parents. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but I think it would do her a world of good getting out with people nearer her own age. But I’m working on it, so cross your fingers.

Work life: well, this is an interesting one.The last time I posted one of these, I was just about to start heading into the world of Tesco. How did that go you (probably don’t) ask? I lasted 1 month before being offered a full time proper adult job in an office; meaning I have to wear a shirt and dress smart and everything. Since I have started this job, I have learnt the role, been almost made redundant because the department got moved to India, got promised a new role in a different department, got kept in my old role for longer because there wasn’t a position for me, instead got promoted to a specialist in the role, visited India (more on that later), and am now helping implement a new system into the business. All within the space of a year and a half. So quite a good CV is being built. I don’t think this is what I want to do long term. As I think I’ve said since I first posted one of these, I have no plans in life. Even a degree and a year and a half in an adult job later, I don’t know if this is right for me or what I want to do; but I guess we just have to wait and see what happens. I’ve almost quit my job twice in the last two years because I don’t agree with how things are going there, but something always crops up just at the wrong moment (or right depending on how you look at it). Work wise, I feel the need to figure out what I want to do and I know not everyone has it figured out at 23, but it would be nice. I just don’t like waking up every day not being excited about what the work day brings, y’know?

Social life: this is the same update as last time, to be honest. I have been getting better at messaging people and maintaining that contact. I think I’m now messaging all the people I want to message and want to keep in contact with. Actually, correction. Nearly everyone; but the people I’m not messaging I have reasons. One person I thought I would still be friends with at this point, I’m not friends with. There was a whole lot of drama, and if you want the details I’ll let you know, but it’s history as far as I’m concerned. I knew we’d drifted, but I thought I was civil and I thought things were OK between us, but I found out in a roundabout way they had blocked me on one form of social media. I don’t know why, I have apologised for whatever I did. I thought I’d let it go, but I’m not sure I have. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything to them and it really sucks that they did that and they don’t want me in their life anymore. I respect their decision, I’ll have a moan about it to my girlfriend and friends, but I mean them no ill will and I wish them all the best. The only other person I kind of want to get in contact with still is an ex-crush (ugh... crush). That’s been a while since we spoke and things didn’t really end amazingly, in my opinion, like not badly but not well enough I feel comfortable messaging them out of the blue after 3 years. Anyway, other than that, I’m happy with my social life, I double date, I’ve been making effort and I’m just really proud of myself. Don’t get me wrong, I still suck so badly at being sociable in person most times, but I’m getting so much better and I’m really proud of myself because of that. 

Quidditch life: this is getting it’s own segment, although I think I always give it it’s own segment in a roundabout way. Anywho, the last time we spoke, I was Vice-Captain and Coach. I have been promoted to Coach and General Busy Body. I love the team so much. We have become a community team this year, so we are no longer connected to the university. So that’s a big scary thing that I’m proud to have helped set in motion. And I’m really proud of the team and I love everyone on the team and ah, another just good thing I need to focus on. However, I think I’m currently focused on the fact we haven’t gained any new concrete members this year, so we’ve been running on about 6 per practice. And that sucks. I wish we could have gained more people so I could stick a giant middle finger in the faces of people who shit on us. But alas. Also, a lot of this year has been me basically holding things together (as much as I loathe to admit it). And I think that may have tainted things a bit for me. I have started thinking along the lines of “we should call it a day and just hang out as friends” and I can’t get out of that mindset. Which is why I’m not running for any positions on the team this year, despite my girlfriend wanting me to be captain because she thinks I deserve it or my closest friend on the team thinking I should be president because “who else is going to hold things together when they’re gone?”. If the team survives into next year, I’ll still go along because I love it so much, but I think I’m coming to the end of the run. We’ll see. 

Love life: I think this is the one I’m most nervous about writing because this is the bit that when I type it, things become real. And that scares me. My girlfriend is amazing and the literal best and I do not make the rules, this is just fact. I went to her graduation this last year, and that made me such a proud boyfriend because she got a first and she’s a boss ass bitch. She is so strong and intelligent and has gone through so much stuff and has definitely made me a better person. (Here’s the bit that scares be to write) But, is she right for me? I’ve said this to her before and I always worry about this. Even when I wasn’t with anyone I would worry about being good enough for someone, if they were THE someone, y’know. Friends and old friends and people I know are getting married, mortgages, babies etc. I don’t know if that’s what I want. If that’s what I’m ready for. If my girlfriend is the one I want to do all this with. I don’t know, and it sucks because the last week or so this has become really prominent and I know I shouldn’t be feeling this, but I don’t know what to do. I do love her, I know that. She makes me happy. But there’s always a but or a what if. And I shouldn’t be thinking that. In my head, I think that if I’m thinking this, then that’s bad. I don’t like ambiguous things, I can’t get my head around them. And I think that’s the problem, She’s an amazing person and I really want her in my life, but do I love her? What is love? Can you quantify it? That’s the issue I’ve always had, and I’m so scared of that. Because I think I might self sabotage things if I keep down this path and I don’t want that. It’s all big and scary and I need to get this out of my head. I know I can’t avoid it forever, but I’m just going to have to for now. I can’t let this keep weighing on me. Kieran, you love her and that’s all that matters. ... Right?

AOB: moving away from the heavy stuff. Firstly, India. Fuck me that has been an experience. I am so lucky to have done that. I got to meet some amazing people, I travelled in business class and (as I have said to multiple people) I will never be able to travel with the common class again. They treat you so well. Both the flight attendants in business class and the people I became friends with in India. I got to see the Taj Mahal, and fucking hell that is one of the most incredible things I have ever seen. I’ve tried food that I never thought I would. I’ve ridden a fucking camel. I did so much and it was incredible in so many ways. Words do not do it justice. I mean, I had to work while I was out there because you know it was a business trip to help train the guys that stole our jobs, but let’s ignore that. I’ve been on my first holiday with a partner’s family. I have been to one or two or a dozen gigs. I don’t remember. I’ve walked alpacas this year. I have forgotten about my love of reading and music and I need to get back into those. I have been watching god knows how much crappy TV. I have lost a bit of passion for films, but that’s probably the adult in me being like “don’t waste money”. Fuck him. I’ve got my first solo (with girlfriend) holiday planned and that’s hella exciting (ignoring all the above). 

PLEASE NOTE: these are the thoughts of a tired and rambling Kieran, they do not necessarily reflect the views of not tired and rambling Kieran.

And I think that’s it. 2 hours later, and a year and a half of updates later, I’m signing off. If you have any questions, you know what to do. Might speak soon. Might not. Who knows? G’night all. Sleep well. xo 

[nonbinary-androids]

SDVA Week Day 4 (I think it’s day four anyways. I’m posting this late.)

1. First things first! Does your farmer believe in true love?

No. Tabby is polyamorous and the entire concept of true love is that there is one person who is absolutely perfect for you and that everyone else isn’t quite right.

2.Who was your farmer’s very first crush? Did they keep that crush, or end up falling for someone else?

Elliott, actually. Tabby’s relationship with him pre-dated her arrival to the Valley, though. Remember, back on Day One, where I mentioned that she had a SO that moved to the Valley? That was actually Elliott! Tabby never really got married, but she didn’t fall out of love with him, so he’s a permanent part of her life now.

3.Did your farmer date the whole town? How do you personally headcanon that turning out for your farmer?

Nope. Tabby is polyfidelous, so she only dates a set group of people. Those people are Sebastian and Elliott. Sebastian is monogamous, so he’s only in one relationship at a time, but Elliott is also polyamorous and dates Leah as well.

4.How do you imagine your farmer’s first date went with their chosen bachelor/bachelorette?

Sebastian: They went on a ‘date’ in the mines. They were both nervous at first but loosened up and had a good time.

Elliott: Their first date was more of a disaster. They had their first date in the city and Tabby had to punch a drunk woman who was trying to seduce Elliott.

5.What made your farmer fall in love with their SO?

Elliott: He was interested in her first. Elliott would tell her grand stories about merfolk at the bottom of the ocean, cat people living in the clouds, beings of genderless flames and the humans of earth. Tabby fell in love with him because he wasn’t afraid to daydream, to be creative or to wish, like most other people she met. At the same time, he wasn’t so in the clouds that he couldn’t take care of himself and others.

Sebastian: Tabby fell in love with Sebastian because he was willing to change. She was perfectly aware that he had adapted his sleeping schedule to be able to spend one day a week with her. Sebastian was also willing to let Tabitha be who she was and be in the relationship that didn’t directly involve him (though he and Elliott do get along well now!). If Elliott was her creativity and her inspiration, then Sebastian was her flexibility, her willingness to change.

6.Where is their favourite place to talk and hang out?

Sebastian: Level sixty of the Mines. They’ll spend a whole bunch of time down there when it’s too hot, but they both also really like the way it looks.

Elliott: At the end of the pier on Tabby’s farm. (She has the “Riverland Farm” layout.) They dangle their feet in. It’s an inspiring place for Elliott and a relaxing place for Tabitha.

7.Was there anything your farmer and their SO fought about?

While they sometimes get into little fights, Tabby and her partners haven’t gotten into any major ones yet.

8.How did your farmer propose?

Tabby didn’t. She asked Sebastian to move in with her, but multi-person marriage is still illegal in Stardew Valley. Elliott still lives in his cabin, but he comes over every day and sometimes Tabitha and Sebastian will go over to the cabin.

9. did your farmer ever have kids? If so, what are their names? What are they like?

Tabby had two children. The oldest was called Lark and she was a girl. The younger child was a boy called Alder. Lark was energetic and inherited the farm from her mother. Alder was more of a recluse, reading and learning with his fathers. He can be a bit grumpy at times as well.

10. How have your farmer and their SO settled into the married life?

Well, thank you for asking! Tabitha’s never been happier. She has two loving children and she knows her partners will always love her.

Bonus: Draw or write a ficlet about your farmer and their SO on their first date or first anniversary!

(This is actually a Feast of the Winter Star celebration from who knows when, but whatever.)

“Dad! Dad, wake up!” Lark smiled. “Papa’s already here and Mum’s been up for hours. Get up so that we can open presents!”

Sebastian groaned. “What time is it?”

“Seven thirty, like you said was okay! Come on, Dad!” Lark tugged on his arm. “Otherwise I’ll make Mum wake you up.”

Sebastian sat up slowly. “Fine. Be a good girl and get me some breakfast.”

Lark scampered off to find something for Sebastian to eat, probably made by Tabby. Sebastian blinked. Then blinked again. It felt early, much too early to be up. Sighing, he heaved himself out of bed. He walked out of the bedroom, already dressed for the day to see Elliott and Tabby sitting on the couch. Tabitha looked much too chipper for someone who had been up since dawn taking care of the farm. Elliott was less energetic than his usual self, but that was the only sign that he had gotten up early than normal.

“Hello, morning birds,” he mumbled as he walked by them to get some coffee.

“Good morning to you too. Did Lark wake you up?” Tabby smiled from the couch. “This is the only time in ages that she and Alder have been up at the same time.”

“Yup. Lark is just like you and Elliott, ever a morning person,” Sebastian stifled a yawn.

“Heh, well if I’m a morning person, then why am I exhausted?” Elliott yawned openly. “I feel like I’m dead on my feet and I’m only awake half an hour earlier than I normally am.”

“You aren’t acting like you’re liable to bite someone’s head off without coffee, that’s a bonus point,” Tabby said thoughtfully. “But either way, I think two people are very eager to open presents. Food’s already here, Seb.”

Sebastian grunted in acknowledgement and grabbed the cup of coffee he was nursing. He then plunked himself down on the other side of Tabby and grabbed his food in his other hand.

Suddenly, Sebastian felt so at peace. This was a world that he had created. He was free from the ties that had bound him. The people around him were his family, the people that had taught him the true meaning of the word.

They were Sebastian’s friends, his partners in life, the people he cared most about and finally, they were the people at the end of the storm that his early life.

They were the people Sebastian loved.

[zypher0108-blog]

March 27, 2017 5:09PM

Everyone 🌈 Di you watch my performance?? I was really nervous.. 😭💕 But then thank you so so much for liking it 😿 And also.. I have black hair! kikik it’s not a wig it’s real everyone!! kekekekekekeke is it good? 🙈 I will practice harder so that I can show you more cool performances in the future 💚 love you blinks~ thank you 💙 (this video was taken on the shooting day kikikk it was so good so i took a video 🙈)

And Lisa, congratulations on your birthday 🎂🎂🎂🎂💋 Let’s be friends foreverrrr ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ i love youuuuu kikik-k

F: we knew everything keke RS: kekekekeke i know right!!

F: your black hair is so pretty😭😭😭😭😭😭💙💙💙💙💙💙 RS: 💙 ㅠㅠ thank you

F: chaeng-ah you seriously did so well on king of masked singer!! you were the best!! thank you for being a singer ㅠㅠ💙💙 RS: ㅠㅠ i’m more thankful 💙😘 F: rosé so pretty RS: 🙈🙈thank youuuu💙💙

F: what are you eating? an energy bar? RS: yes something like that! it’s chocolate flavored! kekekeke i bought a bunch in australia and brought them back kekeke i always packed them for lunch in elementary school~~ delicious 😻😻😻😻😻 kekeke

F: chaeng-ah you did so wellㅠㅠ you were the coolest out of everyoneㅠㅠthank you so much for singing for us 😍😍 RS: ㅠㅠㅠㅠ i’m more thankful~~~ 😭💙😘

F: did the members know you were filming for king of masked singer? keke RS: yup! the members knew~~ there’s no way to hide it kekekke since we’re always together heh

F: ah it’s so good to see you even like this kekeke RS: 🙈🙈💙😘

F: i want to see you more thoughㅠㅠ RS: i want to see blinks more too~~ 😭💙💕

F: who came up with the name circus girl? kekeke did the writers of the show come up with it? or did you? RS: yes~~ the writers of the show gave it to me!

F: (rosé in korean backwards = zero 0000 kekeke) Just kidding I love you bae😘😘😘😘😘 RS: zero!! kekekekeke

F: why does black hair match you so well…… RS: heot!! thank you~~

F: 💜💜💙 i listened to “if it were you” all day today!! 💜💙❤ chaengchaeng hwaiting 💜💜i love you 💜💜 RS: ah really? kekekeke thank you~ 💙😘

F: but chaeyoung-ah i think 24inches is your pants size!!!! i think the waist is more thin kekekek RS: i think so!! kekeke everyone told me that it probably isn’t.. kekeke it seems like i knew incorrectly… kekeke now that i think about it.. since i was getting my pants fitted… it must be my pant size~~~ hehee oops! hehe

F: chaeng-ah keep singing for in the future too i love you ㅠㅅㅠ💙 RS: ㅠㅠ okay~~ thank you! i love you more 🙈💙

F: if you made it to the third round what were you going to sing? i want to hear ㅠㅠ RS: that… am i allowed to say… heheh i was going to sing “only look at me” by tae yang heheh

F: you were sick around the time when you filmed for masked singer ㅠㅠ were you okay? ㅠㅠ RS: ㅠㅠㅠ i know right~~ but it was okay because i have our blinks~~~

F: how did you feel when you first got casted for king of masked singer? RS: i was rea~~~~lly nervous kekekeke

F: i really love black-haired chaeng! i hope you guys have a comeback hehe RS: thank you~~~💙

F: heol rosé black hair suits you so well ㅠㅠㅠ RS: ㅠㅠㅠ thank you 💙💙

F: did the members not tease you after seeing your cheerleading dance? kekeke RS: kekekke a lot! kekkeke everyone laughed so much heeheh

F: you were the best yesterday~~ 💙💙💙 RS: ㅠ thank you~~ 💙

F: i so want to get noticed by u. am i being too greedy? RS: hello💙

F: you should have sang that in the second rounddddd RS: maybe i should have.. 🤔🤔☺️💙

F: You really did great!! blinks are so proud of you!! iloveyoubae!! 💙💕 RS: thank you baeee

F: I love your hair black!!!! RS: thank you💙

F: i really miss you 💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 RS: me too~~~~~ 😘😘

RS: ah! now that i think about it i didn’t write in english! 😱😱😱wait a moment heheh

RS: oh gosh! i forgot to write in english!! wait one second guys! hahahaa (in english)

And she wrote it in English…

Hi everyonee🌈💛 finally i can talk about my performance on The Masked Singer!!!! haha it was so hard to keep it a secret!! although.. everyone basically knew it was me after the first round.. 😂hahaha i wasn’t allowed to talk about it until it was over so😭😭 it was so difficult for me hahaha but finally… hahah how was it guys? :( i was sooo nervous!! but i’m so so grateful for all the lovely feedback everyone has been giving me so far😭💙 i’ll always try my hardest to give u guys the best~~ i better train harder…. hahahahahaha once again.. thank you for all the love and support 😿 i’m so blessed to have my blinks supporting me~ u guys are my baeeesss 😘mwahh

ooh! and happy birthday LISAAAAA I LOVE U TO BITS AND PIECES!!!!! 🎂🎂🎂🎂🎂💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋💋

F: miss you…😘😘 RS: me too.. 😘😘

F: chaeyoung! i miss you don’t cry our baby it hurts my heart too much RS: ㅠㅠㅠㅠ okay~~ oh! jennie unnie? kekekkekekeke your ID name is jennie kim? hehehe

F: i guessed that it was you after hearing you sing the first verse~~ 🤓🤓how did it feel when the other idol sunbaes recognized you right away? RS: ah really?? kekekeke i thought it was interesting too 🙈🙈kekeke

F: chaeyoung-ah after hearing you sing my cold mysteriously got all better kekekeke RS: heol!! no way!! daebak~~~~~ 💙💙💙🙈💕

F: chaengie’s done editing (her post) kekeke RS: kekekeke ✌️️✌️️✌️️✌️️

F: chaeng-ie come some time on a chu-day too ㅠㅠ RS: i need too~~~~ when should i go~~~ heheh

F: i’m listening to your version of “if it were you” on replay!!! RS: kya~~~ thank you 💕💕💕

F: OMG 😂You’re really beautiful person being! Thank you for thinking of international fans too 😆Always #1 for us!! We’re all so Proud of you Circus Girl 😭🎪💙 RS: awww thank you bae 💙💕

F: Rosie if you don’t mind me asking, what song did you prepare for the third round? 😋💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙 RS: wow!! hahahhaa ummm i was gonna do one of taeyang oppa’s songs

F: long time no see… 😱 RS: i know right! ㅠㅠ i’m sorry for coming for the first time in a while~~ ~~ 😭💙

F: change it was cute how you stole the knock knock personal talent 👍👍👍 RS: ah kekekekkeke ✌️️🙈💙

F: chaeyoung-ie where are you do you hear my voice RS: i’m here~~ i hear you~~~~

F: i missed our chaengie so much ㅠㅠㅠㅠ even though i knew you couldn’t update because of masked singer i still missed you so muchhhh read my comment too please 😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶 RS: heung~~~~~ i missed you so much too~~~~~ 😭😭💙💙💙💙💙

F: i miss you so much!! i love you 💙💙💙 RS: me too~~~~~ 💕💕

F: if rosé is not an idol, she will be a professional translator.. ㅋㅋㅋ😂😂 RS: hahahahahhaa lolol😂😂💕💙😘

F: chaeng-ah! you did well! i’m sure your mom will be proud of you. 🤗💙 also when lisa says “reheat” do you not like it? kekekeke RS: heung~~~~~ thank you 😭💕💙💙💙

F: how did the members react after watching masked singer? keke RS: they complimented me saying that i did well ㅠㅠ 💙💙💕

F: You dancing to knock knock was so kewttttt RS: hahaha u saw that?? 😂😂💙

F: Loved the performance and your hair! Haha great job Rosie! 💙💙💙💙💙💙 RS: aww thank youuu💙💙💙💋

F: black ROSÉ in my area😝 RS: oohhh smart! hahahahaa

F: livin la vida loca! exciting!! keke RS: kekekekkeke yoohoo~!!

F: what’s the name of that chocolate bar that came from Australia???? RS: LCM!! heheh delicious…

F: upload a picture of your black hair on instagram too~~~~ 💙💙💙 RS: call (ok)! heheh