#here's hoping octopus will be a little less cursed

[sinni-ok-sessi]

fuckin. finally got round to applying for a water meter after a year of going, 'yeah yeah, I'll get to it eventually, it probably won't make that much difference'

yeah, so the estimate they gave me would be. uh. half my current bill. FFS.

[pseudowho]

Nanami Kento, and the Curses of an Unusual Nature

In which Nanami Kento is employed to exorcise curses which are frankly demeaning, pretending to be household objects

WARNINGS: Foul language, British/Danish sense of humour

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Nanami Kento strode through the halls of Jujutsu High, pausing briefly, at intervals, to greet colleagues and students. Today was a good day, he noted; his new shoes weren't pinching, he hadn't seen Gojo once, and he'd woken up naturally, before his alarm.

He glanced at his wristwatch as he slowed before a closed door. 5 minutes early, he thought. Well-timed. Politely early. As he straightened his tie, and raised his fist to knock on the door, it flew inwards with a bang hard enough to rattle the walls.

"Godammit, Tako, I said gently! And let visitors knock first."

Principal Yaga stood behind his desk, preparing two cups for a cafetière already steaming with, what Nanami hoped, was bad coffee. Yaga only brought out the good coffee when he planned to charm someone into an unappealing task.

Nanami bowed, passed greetings, and leaned carefully behind Yaga's door to glance at Yaga's new assistant.

A small orange clockwork octopus, about the size of a football with vastly overlong mechanical tentacles, clacked anxiously at Nanami, glancing up at him and twisting two tentacles together.

"Another cursed doll, sir?"

Yaga sighed, throwing a stern look to Tako, who let out a shrill squeak and raised its tentacles to cover its golden eyes.

"I'm trying to create one with manners, Nanami. One with tact, some domesticity, and, dare I say it, a little self-control."

Nanami looked thoughtfully back to Tako, who was now gently closing the door, and  patting the dent on the wall left by the doorknob. It skittered back to Nanami, gears winding, and, reaching up to take his hand in one of its tentacles, led Nanami to a plush armchair by the windows. Tako let go of Nanami, and patted the seat of the armchair, golden eyes glinting endearingly as it crooned.

Charmed, Nanami sat.

"Thank you, Tako-san. I think you're doing very well. I know students and teachers here who are less polite than you."

If mechanical cephalopods could blush, Tako would have. Instead, it raised two tentacles to hold the sides of its face, and scooted with a happy whirring under the opposite armchair, where Yaga sat as he offered Nanami a steaming cup of coffee.

Nanami took it gratefully, blowing away steam, and taking a sip. Ah, he mused, it's good coffee. He gazed momentarily out of the open screen doors, and felt the breeze carry his good morning away from him. Nanami allowed a taut silence to grow, feeling Yaga strain to find the words to begin.

"Curses have been evolving in some unusual ways lately, wouldn't you agree, Nanami-san?" Nanami nodded slowly and let out a hum of agreement, biting his lip as Tako plopped sugar lumps, one at a time (three, four, five...) into a distracted Yaga's coffee, which he'd rested onto his knee. Tickled, Nanami did not, of course, interrupt Yaga to tell him.

"There have been some curse-related incidents lately, Nanami-san, which are nothing short of...weird."

"Weird, how, sir?"

Yaga paused again, reaching for words. He lifted his coffee cup to his mouth, now a mountain of saturated sugar lumps. His jaw clenched, but he remained calm.

"One lump, Tako, not one bag." Tako raised the bag of sugar lumps to its eyes, sighing in dawning understanding. It took the cup from Yaga with a bow, and coiled away to rectify its mistake. Yaga gripped the arm of his chair, before slapping it briskly with an open hand.

"Godammit! You know I'm not good with words, Nanami, so I'll get straight to the point. We appear to be dealing with a spate of curses which appear to have evolved to look like common items. They're hiding in plain sight. The list of missing persons is growing, public awareness is increasing in an uncomfortable way, and we've had multiple sorcerers injured and flummoxed by them, to the point where we're not getting on top of it at all."

Nanami raised his eyebrows, and nudged his glasses back onto his nose.

"So you're saying this needs a Grade One sorcerer? They're powerful curses?"

Yaga tipped his open hand from side to side, "It's not that they're especially powerful," he elaborated, "they're just cunning. And strong sorcerers don't necessarily equate to smart sorcerers. As we don't really know the power of these curses, you were the first sorcerer to come to mind with the mental and physical abilities required to reliably destroy these bastards."

"I'm flattered, sir. What information do we have so far? We should start with the most dangerous, and go from there."

Yaga was already rifling through a narrow folder of papers, neatly typed.

"So there's certainly at least one hiding in a large shopping centre- perhaps you know it?" Yaga handed the paper to Nanami, who skimmed it cautiously. Ginza, he noted. Very upmarket. Where I bought my watch. Other details were scant, he assumed, because the two Grade Three sorcerers sent to resolve the situation appeared to have been missing for a week. Four other men were also mysteriously missing, reportedly during visits to clothing stores.

Nanami folded the paper and tucked it inside his suit jacket.

"Jujutsu sorcery is only marginally less ridiculous than being a salaryman. At least, it has been up until now. Am I going to regret accepting this assignment, sir?"

Yaga twiddled his fingers together delicately, declining to answer. Tako returned to Yaga and pushed a flowerpot, brimming with coffee, into his lap, confident that the sugar to coffee ratio had now been corrected. Nanami barely restrained himself from laughing out loud, and stood briskly to excuse himself before the urge overtook him.

Yaga patted a proud Tako on the head, exasperated.

"Who knows, Nanami-san? Maybe it will even be funny."

Nanami scoffed, and as he reached the door he heard Yaga call out for him.

"Oh and, Nanami-san? Please take Kugisaki Nobara-san with you. She knows the shopping centre well, and this could be a good teaching opportunity."

"Have I done something to upset you, sir?"

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"Nanami-san, if we're done quickly, do you think we could stay for some shopping? I love Ginza. I'm not rich enough for it, obviously, but a girl can dream."

Nanami shared a withering sideways glance with Ijichi at the driver's wheel. Streetlights flooded through the car's windows, casting shadows on Nanami's chiselled jaw.

"Do recall the shops will be closed. We certainly can't get away with a mission like this during the daytime, veil or no veil." He heard Nobara groan in the back seat.

Nanami took off his glasses, polishing them thoughtfully.

"I must also remind you of some ground rules for this task, Kugisaki-san." Nobara sat to attention, as Nanami continued, "My priority is to keep you safe. Eliminating the curse is secondary to me if you are placed in danger." Nobara opened her mouth to argue, but Nanami raised a hand and interrupted, "So if I tell you to get to safety, if I tell you to leave me and save yourself, I fully expect you will do as you're told. Do I make myself clear?"

Nobara pouted furiously, but acquiesced, and softened when in turn, Nanami thanked her, gently and sincerely. She recalled eating lunch under the dappled tree-shade with Yuuji and Megumi, as Yuuji waxed lyrically about how protective Nanami was, how kind, how eagerly he wished to shield the students from evil. Nobara wondered what had happened to Nanami to make him this way.

Nanami pondered the night-time Tokyo traffic, Haibara Yu ever on his mind. Ijichi pulled the car into a layby, putting his warning lights on. Briefly, he handed Nanami a master key for the shopping centre's shutters, wished Nanami and Nobara good luck, and waved them off as they stepped into the cool night air.

Nanami and Nobara let themselves into a fire exit of the Ginza shopping centre, Nanami holding the door for Nobara, as he watched Ijichi's veil drip a dome around them.

Mounting the stairs two at a time to catch up with Nobara, the sorcerers soon reached a vast, well-lit atrium, surrounded on all sides by high-end shops, advertising clothes, jewellery, and more. Nanami turned to Nobara, who gazed around the shopping centre with stars in her eyes.

"All we know so far, Kugisaki-san, is that six men are missing, two sorcerers amongst them. Does this tell you anything?" Nobara pondered.

"Well...it could be a coincidence that all the victims are men. Or maybe the curse is hiding somewhere largely men visit."

"Very good. I think we should start with suit shops and mens' apparel, perhaps. However, it's also reasonable to assume this curse can both disguise or diminish its cursed energy, and shapeshift. It is managing to hide in plain sight, after all."

Nobara stretched her arms in front of her, flexing her fingers. Walking over to a large display board, she spoke.

"So there are some men's bathrooms on this level, and two suit shops. Which one do you want?"

"While I don't normally encourage young women into men's bathrooms, I'm betting on the clothing stores as our most likely suspects. But, Kugisaki-san, the first hint of a curse, you call me, agreed?"

Nobara clasped a hand over her heart, "I promise, Nanami-san!" she proclaimed, but only because you're such a sweetheart.

Nanami watched her skip away, anxiety gnawing at his guts. Should I have let her go, Yu? he questioned internally, doubting himself as a mentor. He reached between his broad shoulders to unsheath his blade, and walked briskly until he reached the first suit shop. Using his master key to open the shutters, he began to sweep the shop, deep breaths broadening his senses and mind to cursed energy.

Nothing, he thought, nil. He doubted himself again, but glancing across the marbled hallways towards the second suit shop, he stopped. This suit shop is the better one, he considered, because all the arsehole finance guys go to that one. Because they're vain, self-impressed little boys who think a skinny, ill-fitting suit cuts an impressive figure.

Nanami unbuttoned his jacket, and paced confidently across the hallway, kneeling to unlock the shutters on the second shop. He was grimly satisfied as he felt a thrill of cursed energy through his belly.

New shoes squeaking, Nanami stepped slowly into the store. Low-lights glinted against polished mahogany surfaces, the clothing racks oozing money. Nanami's abdomen clenched and unclenched as he breathed deeply, seeking the source of the cursed energy. Whatever this thing is disguising itself as, it's doing a good job. Nanami pondered over a mirror, wondering if enough vanity and pride pouring into it would be enough to generate a curse. Alas, no.

Thoughtfully, Nanami leaned against a circular rotating rail, laden with shirts. Fingering one of the shirts while he stared around the shop, he had enough time only to consider the shirt to be a very poor material, before the arm of the shirt whipped outwards and coiled tightly around Nanami's arm and hand.

Quick as a flash, Nanami was yanked into the circular rail, which began to spin frantically, twisting him like a ragdoll.  Nanami coated his body in cursed energy as he felt metal hangers rip and claw at him. Arms too constrained to swing his blade, Nanami kicked hard and expelled himself from the flurry of shirts. He hit the ground hard with a grunt and rolled, hair mussed and face covered in scratches.

The clothes rail shivered menacingly at Nanami, who lay on his back, gobsmacked and evaluating his life choices.

"What the fuck", he gasped. Standing up, he realised his jacket was missing, and his shirt torn open from hip to shoulder. The clothes rail let out a tinny little burp.

"You little bitch", growled Nanami, twizzling his blade in his hand. With his eyeline full of ratios, Nanami swung hard at the clothes rail, and absolute mania ensued.

Lights flickered and danced in the shop as shirts fired at speed in all directions. Mirrors shattered as clothes hangers hit them at high velocity, and Nanami slipped and slid on cheap polyester, spitting pocket squares from his mouth and pulling ties from his eyes, failing miserably to land a hit on the demonic carousel, spinning wildly in front of him.

Nanami was yanked in and out of the clothing rail, being spat out more undressed and dishevelled each time, cursing and spitting venom at the godforsaken curse. Lying on his back again, and realising one of his new shoes was now gone for good, Nanami stood up, now shirtless but oddly with his tie remaining.

Checking he still had both nipples, he ducked beneath the spinning rail and landed a resounding hit at its base. The curse shrieked and buckled, becoming animated, grotesquely leaning towards Nanami and circling an outstretched metallic pole around his ankle.

Raised aloft with a yell, Nanami hung upside down, and desperately undid his belt. Sliding free of his trousers, he landed like a cat, and swung downwards in a fully committed arc through the top of the rail, down to the floor. The curse let out a deafening screech and split like a banana, fleshy, gaping mouth exposed, hideous tongue reaching for Nanami's legs.

Nanami uttered a noise of total disgust, ripped off his remaining shoe, and tossed it into the curse's gaping maws. The curse choked, and Nanami took the chance to grab it by the tongue, swiftly slashing it off. The curse shrieked again. Nanami now soaked in thick, hot blood, he landed a final deathblow through its bloodied mouth. The curse roared at Nanami, flipping his tie upwards into his face.

Nanami stood, panting, as the curse feebly spat one last pocket square at him, which Nanami used to clean his face as the curse  withered and died.

Nanami took a long breath in through his nose, and breathed out as he surveyed the broken, bloodied carnage of the shop around him.

"Yu, did you see that? I hate this stupid fucking job."

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"Eyes forward, young lady."

Nobara blushed deeply, eyes now wide and looking anywhere but at Nanami, who limped towards her, leaving bloody footprints across the marble floors. Clad in only his tie, glasses and underwear, drenched in blood and gripping his blade with a white-knuckled hand, he reached out an impatient hand for Nobara's phone. He spoke curtly to Ijichi, requesting immediate collection from the shopping centre.

Stood together in awkward silence, Nobara walked into the neighbouring suit shop, and wordlessly brought a black shirt to Nanami. He silently nodded, and began to button himself up.

"At least you kept your underwear, sir."

"Very bold of you to assume these are the same pair I walked in wearing, Kugisaki-san."

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EXTRA:

Megumi walked towards his dorm room, but despite his best efforts to ignore the sound of laughing, was drawn to the tone of absolute hilarity coming from Nobara's room at the end of the hall.

Knocking at her door, he heard various shushing noises and quiet footsteps approached the other side.

"Who is it?" came Nobara's voice.

"Only me," said Megumi, and the door instantly swung open, to reveal the whole of Jujutsu High's student population gathered around Nobara's laptop. Panda wiped tears from his eyes. Maki had popcorn. Nobara grinned wickedly at Megumi.

"Perfect timing. I managed to bully Ijichi into giving me the security footage from the shopping centre. You know, the mission I went on with Nanami? You've got to see this."

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Hopefully there are many more of these to come. Poor Kento, I love him so!

Also got some smut, angst and fluff planned in other stories.

If there are any other inanimate objects you want to see poor Kento fight, hit me up. I wonder what's next? 😈💀

[mieanme]

Merman x Siren au

Hualian - (part III)

Another short update of the brainrot! Hope you guys like it ^•^

Previous parts: PART I, PART II.

And now let's go~~

***

With the octopus attached to him like a backpack, Xie Lian carefully approaches the outskirts of his pod's territory. The sea floor has already deepened here, so even if the day has already come, it's as bright as Xie Lian is used to. He rarely comes to collect trash in here, because no-one else beside the hunters would dare to get so close to the 'cursed' territory of a siren, so he already feels uneasy.

Xie Lian stops for a second when he reaches the small stone formation that works as a landmark for their border in this area. He looks around, as if he wanted to spot the so-called monster siren waiting just around the corner to greet him as soon as he enters its territory. However, all Xie Lian sees are stones, sea floor and a shadow of pitch darkness further away from the border.

The ocean trench.

Quick calculation occurs and Xie Lian comes to the conclusion that it's probably going to take him until the sun is in the half of its journey through the sky today to reach the trench. Even if it's visible from afar, Xie Lian is aware it's only an optical illusion. So, without wasting any more precious time, he launches from his spot, staying as close to the bottom as possible to not attract any unwanted attention to himself.

"Ruoye, if you see anything approaching us, let me know, please," he clicks, additionally tapping the octopus on the tentacle wrapped around his shoulder. Ruoye taps back, as if trying to say 'roger that', making Xie Lian a little less anxious. The octopus has an excellent vision and sense of the surroundings, so if it warns Xie Lian, the merman should have enough time to flee or hide, if they actually stumble across any danger.

Although Xie Lian expects the host of this territory to appear sooner or later, the only creatures he passes on his way to the trench are a few crabs, fish and a silly looking squid. He swims through a rather small kelp forest too and he finds himself feeling as if he was watched, but Ruoye doesn't alarm him and he himself doesn't see anything around, so he just keeps swimming as fast as he can.

Soon enough, he arrives at the entrance of the trench.

The enormous crack is probably a kilometre or so wide. As for the length and depth, Xie Lian cannot tell and is afraid to guess. He grabs a rock from the sea floor and gently tosses it inside the trench, watching is horror how it disappears in the dark. He gulps, waiting for the quietest sound of the stone hitting something, but nothing comes to his ears.

Only silence all around him.

"Guess I will have to find out how deep it is myself," Xie Lian clicks more to himself than to Ruoye, but then he turns his head to look at the animal at his back. "Maybe you should stay here? I will probably have to dive very deep, I don't know if you're gonna be fine with it."

But, just as he expected, Ruoye only hugged itself tighter to his back, silently refusing to let go of its favourite merman.

"Okay, I get it," he says, knowing very well he cannot argue with the octopus. He probably couldn't even free himself from its grip even if he really wanted. "But if you start feeling like you cannot take it anymore, just let go and swim back up, okay?"

The octopus agrees, pulling gently at Xie Lian's hair again. The merman smiles, actually feeling a little more at ease that he doesn't have to dive so deep all alone.

However, before he can make his mind on finally swimming into the darkness, Ruoye suddenly squeezes him and pokes his chest a few times with two of its tentacles.

An alarm.

Xie Lian quickly looks around, but he doesn't see anything approaching them. Ruoye must have sensed something then, but if it's not in their sight yet, there's still a chance for him to complete his mission without fleeting, right?

He looks around again, but the only hiding spot he can think of is this dark trench. However, after a moment it doesn't seem like such a very bad idea - in the darkness his white tail won't be visible too!

Without another thought, Xie Lian dives into the trench as Ruoye keeps squeezing his back and chest.

"It's okay, I'm not going deep, I will just wait for whatever it is to pass by us," he clicks quietly, but the octopus doesn't seem comforted at all. It even pulls harder at his hair and lets out a strange noise, as if really trying its best to call Xie Lian a 'very stupid merman'.

Ignoring the fuss Ruoye is making, Xie Lian sticks his chest to the sharp wall of the trench, only a few meters below the entrance. He really hopes it's enough for his scales to stop shimmering in the daylight and even Ruoye changes color as much as it can to hide in the darkness.

So Xie Lian waits... and waits, but nothing appears at the top of the trench. Ruoye has already given up on trying to convince him to escape back to his pod's territory, loosening its grip on the merman's body in case it would have to attack, or at least Xie Lian thinks so. He knows very well the octopus would try its best to defend him if there was a need for that. However, with how much time has already passed, the merman thinks there won't be any fight at all.

He slowly moves up to peak out of the trench, but sure enough he doesn't see any moving creatures all around. He steals a glance at Ruoye, and even if the octopus doesn't have any particular mimic muscles to form an expression, it looks deeply displeased with Xie Lian's actions.

"What? Seems like it's gone, so why are you looking at me like th—"

Xie Lian stops clicking in the middle of the sentence, when he finally feels it himself - the other being's presence. The water seems to move somewhere near him, so he backs down to his hiding spot, only to get his hair pulled by Ruoye once again, as if it was saying 'I told you so'.

Xie Lian desperately tries to see anything around him - but there's still nothing above.

Then the realisation hits him. But it's already too late.

Because if it's not above, it has to be underneath.

The second Xie Lian understands why Ruoye was trying so hard to make him leave the area of the trench, he senses another water movement right below himself. He looks down, but sees nothing beside the pitch darkness. Then there's another movement behind him. Xie Lian follows it and turns that way, only to spot nothing yet again. This repeats a few more times, before the other creature finally swims above the merman, casting an enormous shadow on Xie Lian's figure, and, to Xie Lian's terror, it halts in that spot, as if mockingly waiting for the merman to finally be able to see his enemy.

In the meantime, with the corner of his eye, Xie Lian managed to catch a glimpse of a bloody red fin decorated with sharp spikes. He doesn't have to turn his head up to know how badly he screwed himself up. Because now, without further questions, he knows exactly what creature Ruoye tried to warn him about.

The siren itself.

***

Xie Lian and Ruoye meet the Siren finally! Who's excited???? Lemme know how you like it so far ^•^ And what do you think the Siren is gonna do to the silly merman? 😱🫢😏

PART IV

[bropunzeling]

Since you say you love to chatter, I hope you don't mind being asked a few questions :)

what's a scene/detail/piece of dialogue etc that you really wanted to include in [fic of your choice], but you couldn't find room for? here's your chance!

if you had to write an epilogue (or sequel!) to any of your fics (that you are NOT currently planning on writing an epilogue for), which would it be and what would happen?

for the ships you're currently writing about (and have written for in general), is there usually one character you like more than the other? (will you tell us who? has it ever changed?)

what's a ship/fic idea you want to read about but don't want to write yourself? maybe somebody will be inspired!

share anything you'd like about a wip!

aw thank you anon! especially for the opportunity to procrastinate on working on my current wip :) answers under the cut:

some dialogue that i ultimately cut from the spain scene in marriage bets where they were having tapas (originally there was going to be ALL this flirting over the tapas and then it went on too long so i got straight to the questions):

"You're not going to eat that?" "Hey, I tried it." "You're so American." "It's the texture--" "Such a wimp." "I'm sure plenty of people aren't into eating octopus." "Uh-huh."

if i had to write an epilogue or sequel:

oh gosh. i think a lot about the one where marriage bets matthew and leon get married for real for real, with suits and their families present and everything. it WOULD involve matthew finally telling brady that he was not, in fact, the first tkachuk to get married. the other one i think about is, of course, rat baby in a cup. she reigns eternal.

is there a character in a ship that i like more than the other?

i think it's hard for me to enjoy a ship where i don't actually like one side of it! that said, there are definitely characters where i find it much easier to get into their headspace than others. i've probably said this before, but leon is such a straight line thinker and so easy for me to get that for a long time it was hard for me to try and write anything from matthew pov because his is a little more twisty-turny. they're both equally complex! but it requires different skills to get the effect i want, which is normally the pov character not having a clue what the other one is thinking. it's a lot easier to have leon misreading matthew than the other way around. except now of course i've written a lot from matthew pov so finding my way back to leon pov has been a challenge.

a ship/fic i want to read but don't want to write:

god what DON'T i want to read. lmao. i would love for someone to write a good achy jamie/trevor post-trade fic. i would love for someone to write a long slow friends-to-lovers matthew/sasha fic! i would REALLY love a brady/quinn future fic. especially if it features divorced brady. i feel like future fic especially is a trope/concept that i just feel less comfortable writing so whenever someone else writes it i eat it up with a spoon :)

share anything you like about a wip:

well the wip is going SO SLOW and is VERY HARD for me because im challenging myself by writing a slow burn and cant rely on sex scenes to do the chemistry work for me this time rip rip. but here is a wee snippet:

“Draisaitl. Tkachuk,” Coach says, gesturing at the starting line.

Leon gets ready, bracing his stick over his thighs. He’s already raced Jordan and Gourde—beat Jordan, beat Gourde—but he hasn’t had to go against Tkachuk yet. Hasn’t had to do much of anything with Tkachuk yet. Yesterday they were at the other end of the line from each other, or opposite sides of the rink. It had lulled Leon into a false sense of security.

Now, though, Tkachuk is watching him with that way that he has, like—

One time, while making kebabs, Leon got a splinter from the bamboo skewer under his nail. It hurt like a bitch, had him cursing for five minutes until Jenna told him to stop squirming and tweezed it out. The splinter had been miniscule, almost impossible to see, and Leon had wondered how something so tiny could be so aggravating and painful, would make him do anything just to get it to stop.

That’s how it feels when Tkachuk looks at him. How it’s always felt. Like his gaze is digging in under Leon’s skin, until Leon’s entire body is red and inflamed. It makes Leon want to scratch at his shoulders, his chest, until he can finally tear Tkachuk out.

[justanisabelakinnie]

Dysmenorrhea

Last month was Pride Month, which has since passed, but this month is Disability Pride Month, which means it’s still not too late to right my obligatory Isabela x Monika fic in honor of my favorite mute lesbian OC(aka my only one)! I hope you enjoy! 

TW: THIS FIC INVOLVES PERIODS, AS YOU CAN OBVIOUSLY TELL FROM THE NAME!!!! IF THAT IS NOT THE FIC FOR YOU, THEN PROCEED WITH CAUTION OR DO NOT READ AT ALL!!!!! 

Monika woke up to a sharp pain in her pelvic area. Gritting her teeth, she curled her legs up to her chest as the sound of her heart pounding amplified, and her head felt it was being held under murky waters. The pain was unbearable, and she didn’t know how much it would take. She knew the pain would pass eventually, but it didn’t feel that way right then. It was times like this where she felt like ripping out her uterus. But for now, all she could do was lie like this as she tried her hardest not to pass out, waiting for her mother to realize that she hadn’t come down for breakfast and see what was up.

And sure enough, she did.

“¿Mi vida?” Monika’s mother asked, her voice dripping with motherly concern as she bent down to her baby’s level. “What is it? What’s happening?”

Monika clutched her private area as the tears continued falling, gazing up at her mother with pleading eyes.

“Your period?” Her mom asked, and Monika nodded. It took so much work just to nod, it was like she was lifting a heavy dumbbell.

“Oh, cariña, I’m so sorry. Don’t worry, I’ll get Julieta to come over right this instant, and in the meantime, I’ll fix you up some nice herbal tea.”

Monika nodded gingerly.

“All right,” her mother said as she helped Monika rise to a sitting position. “Don’t lie down, you might risk passing out. Sit up, bebita.”

Monika heaved shaky breaths as she nodded, gripping her stuffed octopus for support, her fingers and entire body felt tingly and barely there, and she felt nothing but fear. Was she going to die like this? Maybe not, but possibly.

Monika’s mom came back in less than two minutes with the tea, and found her daughter slumped over with her head between her thighs. She rushed over. “Up, mi vida.” She gently nudged. Monika raised her head weakly, and her mother presented her with the tea. She sprang up instantly to take it, and instantly the buzzing in her head returned. Gripping her head in pain as her uterus continued to destroy her, she blew on the tea and drank it.

Throughout the morning, her mother provided her with breakfast, tea, juice, and water, and Monika was slowly starting to feel a little bit better. But the cramps remained, and she was too sick to get out of bed, much less walk. She had felt momentarily strong enough to stand and go to the bathroom, but even then she had to lean on her mom while walking there. Although at least she was capable of using the bathroom and brushing her teeth on her own, gripping the sink edge for dear life as she did so. But once her weakness returned she was back in her mothers arms. Her mom had provided her with a change of menstrual products for when she ever needed them(and obviously she would), but so far she had only used one. Her period wasn’t as heavy as it was on most days. Then why did she feel like her uterus was going to drop into her ankles?

“I’m going to get Tía Julieta now. Are you fine on your own? Or maybe someone else should be here to take care of you.”

Monika nodded and smiled, signing thank you to her mother before she smiled, placed a kiss on her daughter’s sweaty forehead, and exited the room.

Monika’s mother found Julieta in the center of the town square, the same place she always was. As always, there was a line of people in front of her, waiting to be healed by her magical food.

Cutting to the front of the line, ignoring the curses and glares in the process, she finally was able to speak to Julieta.

“Julieta, please, I’m sorry to disturb you, but I am in need of your help!”

“You’re not disturbing me,” Julieta said with a kind smile. “I’m always willing to help people in need. And you’re Marcía Ortega, the mother of my daughter’s girlfriend, I believe. What is it that you need?”

The lady in front of Julieta with a long dirty blonde braid hiccuped violently. Julieta placed a shortbread cookie in her mouth without even blinking or looking her way. The lady smiled as her hiccups were gone and went on her merry way.

“Yes, I am! Monika has terrible cramps. Is there any way you can help out?”

Julieta’s brow furrowed in worry. “I still have a few more people, and each and every one of these foods are designed for specific ailments. Unfortunately, none of them are for period pains. If they were, then I could distribute some of my food and give it to you to give to your daughter. But I promise I’ll be there as soon as all of these people are finished. I’m sorry, I can’t leave my work. Especially when it is not my break right now.”

Marcía’s face lowered. “I understand.”

“What does your daughter like to eat?” Julieta asked.

“Hmm, she likes Polvorosas. They’re her favorite!”

“I’ll give her some polvorosas cookies that will help with the cramps.” Julieta smiled after explaining. “Don’t worry, I would never let your daughter remain in pain. She is lovely, after all! And tell her I said hello and sorry for her current situation. But I promise I will be there shortly.” She took Marcía’s hands in hers. “You believe me, don’t you?”

“Yes, Julieta, of course I’ll believe you. Just keep her in your prayers. All right?”

“I will.” Julieta gave Marcía a warm hug before the mute girl’s mom went on her merry way. Just as she was doing so, the girl with the hiccups came back.

“Sra.! I forgot to say thank you for curing my hiccups! I just want you to know that your contributions to this village are greatly appreciated!”

Julieta smiled. “You’re welcome, querida.” 

<3 

“Oh no,” Dolores worried.

“Oh no what?” Pepa asked.

“It’s Monika,” Dolores answered. “She’s bedridden right now because she has—“

“That’s Isabela’s girlfriend!” Camilo chirped gleefully.

Dolores gave him a firm sideways glare. “Yeah…anyway, she has dysmenorrhea and Julieta is unable to visit her.”

“Dysmenorrhea? What’s that?” Pepa asked.

“It’s when you have period cramps,” Mirabel answered as she walked past the warm-colored family members with a box full of books.

“Oh,” Pepa nodded. “I remember Julieta used to have those when she was a late teenager. They slowly died down over time, though.” Pepa never experienced period pains, of course. No uterus meant no menstruation. But that of course didn’t stop her from caring for her hermana and esposo when they suffered from this once a month. As well as her oldest sobrina.

“Yeah, you told me,” Dolores said. “Sometimes Isabela suffers from this too. And Luisa. I’m always willing to take care of them of course, but poor Monika, no one’s there to take care of her.” Dolores couldn’t imagine how that must feel like, to have cramps so immobilizing that you couldn’t even get out of bed. She was one of the lucky ones, who didn’t have extreme or notable symptoms when she bled once a month. Although she did have to acknowledge(internally of course, she would never admit it out loud, even if Mirabel was the same) that she would often develop particular food cravings, and could also be mildly irritable. She tried not to let it get too out of hand, though, but with a little brother who just loved pushing her buttons…still, she couldn’t worry about that now. She wasn’t the one in pain, Monika was. But what was she going to do?

Her prima-hermana peeked through the door. “Monika? What happened to her?”

“Isa, hi!” Camilo beamed.

“Hi.”

“Monika’s suffering from debilitating cramps. Her mother went to Julieta for a cure, but Julieta’s too busy to take care of Monika right now.”

“That’s so sad!” Isabela lamented.

“I know,” Dolores said. “Maybe one of us should go?”

“Yeah,” Luisa said. “I think one of us women needs to take control of Monika while Julieta is not there. I’d be willing to go.”

“So would I,” Dolores said.

Isabela was about to say that she should go—Monika was her girlfriend, after all—but she suddenly found herself making eye contact with Camilo, who was giving her an excited grin. Uh oh.

“There’s no reason both of you can’t go—“ Pepa was saying, but Camilo interrupted her.

“Isa will go!”

“I will?” Isabela said.

“What do you mean ‘I will?’” Camilo put his hands on his hips. “You’re like literally her girlfriend! Aren’t you supposed to be supporting her during times like this?”

“Yeah, I mean, I was going to go anyway, but—“

“Then get out of here!” Camilo turned Isabela around and shoved her out the door. “Tell Monika I said hello. I love you Isa, bye!” He shut the door before Isa could respond.

“Camilo, did you have to do it like that?” Dolores asked.

“I mean, yeah,” Camilo chuckled. “I just want Isa to spend time with her girlfriend because they are so cute together!”

Everyone blinked at him.

Camilo cleared his throat and got all serious. “I mean, not that I care about silly little stuff like that. I just care about Monika and her being okay, that’s all.” He giggled awkwardly and left the room. 

<3 

Monika sighed as she sipped her water. The pain was slowly creeping back up and she was sure she was seeing double. She closed her eyes when she suddenly heard someone climbing up the stairs.

“I’m sorry, mi vida. Julieta couldn’t come. But she will be here shortly.” Her mother soothed as she kissed her daughter on the forehead.

Monika nodded, blinking back tears and forcing a smile.

In the meantime, she crawled back into her sheets and laid herself down.

“You’re going to sleep, mi preciosa?” Her mother asked.

Monika gave a thumbs up from under the bedsheets.

Her mother smiled warmly at her. “Okay. Get a good nights rest, mi vida.” She left the room. 

Monika let her sights fade to black as she drifted off into a paracosm. Little did she know what awaited her in the real world when she did wake up.

Monika rubbed her eyes groggily as she yawned. And she was surprised to see who was waiting for her! 

<3 

“Cariña, you’re up!” Isabela smiled at her and clasped her hands together. “Oh, sorry, you’re probably wondering why I’m here. Well, when my prima-hermana heard that you were sick we were all saddened, of course. Then my primito kinda…forced me…out of the house to go take care of you.” She rolled her eyes with a grin. “He is so annoying. Anyway, when I showed up your mom told you you were asleep, which you were of course, but you know that already. But she said I could come in, gave me a snack, and then I asked if I could check up on you, and she said okay so long as I didn’t disturb you. And, well, here you are!” Isabela smiled that lovely smile that made Monika utterly swoon. “Anyway, I’m so glad you’re awake! How are you feeling? Are you still in pain?”  

Words could not express how overjoyed Monika was to see Isabela. Not that it mattered, since Monika couldn’t use words to begin with. She smiled softly at her pretty girlfriend before nodding.

“You’re good?”

Monika nodded again.

“Oh, that’s nice.”

Monika shifted over in her bed, patting the area next to her gently.

Isabela blushed. “Oh, you want me to sleep with you? L-like, next to you, in the bed, I mean. Umm, okay.”

She took off her shoes before crawling into the bed. And sure enough, Monika snuggled up next to her, resting her head warmly against Isabela’s chest as she tightened the hug around her waist, pulling Isabela closer. And slowly, she could feel the pain already going down.

“Oh, bebita,” Isabela’s breath blew softly on Monika’s forehead as she uttered the words, making Monika feel tingly inside, but in a good way. Isabela brushed aside Monika’s twists, tucking some of them behind her ear, as she gazed into those lovely brown eyes. “You don’t have to worry, hermosa. I’m right here. You’ll feel better in an inst—“

Her words were cut off as Monika’s lips locked intimately with hers, as she was instantly intoxicated by their sweetness. Cupping Monika’s cheek with her right hand, her left leg wormed in between Monika’s own, and soon both of their legs were intertwined.

When they finally broke the kiss, neither of them wanted it to end. But they knew it had to. The women panted as they tried to collect their breaths, Isabela smiling as she kissed Monika’s forehead, her lips were soft and warm.

Monika giggled as she nuzzled her cheek against Isabela’s, slowly lowering her head to suck lightly on Isabela’s neck, Isabela letting out a soft moan.

“I can tell you’re feeling better already,” Isabela murmured, giggling.

Uh oh. Monika shook her head rapidly, continuing to hug Isabela, as her girlfriend rubbed her back soothingly.

“I’m just kidding, bebita,” Isabela assured her with a smile. “Come on now, let’s get some rest.”

Monika closed her eyes and, with the help of Isabela’s delicate and enchanting warmth enveloping her, slowly fell asleep once again. 

<3 

“Awww, that’s so sweet!” Dolores cooed.

“What is?” Mirabel and Camilo asked eagerly.

“They kissed and now they’re cuddling!” Dolores beamed.

“Ahh! Someone hold me, I’m going to faint!” Mirabel placed a hand on her forehead and she raised her ankle and titled backwards into Camilo’s arms with a dramatic sigh. Camilo considered letting her fall to the ground, but he caught her anyway.

“They’re asleep now, so let’s give them the privacy they need.” Dolores put a finger to her lips, and Mirabel nodded.

“It’s not like anything interesting is going on now,” Camilo said.

“Totally, but them being in love is interesting enough!” Mirabel cheered. 

<3 

Isabela and Monika didn’t know how long they were asleep, but they woke up eventually.

“Morning, dormilona!” Isabela said, kissing her ear, with made Monika sigh with glee. “Had a good night’s rest?”

Monika nodded and rubbed her eyes. Isa did the same. Yawning and getting ready to sit up, Isabela asked her, “how’s your period?”

But Monika never got to give an answer using sign language because that was when her mother Marcía walked in.

“Monika, petunia, Julieta has been waiting—“ her mother froze as she saw what was before her.

Uh oh. Monika had forgotten about that little detail. She quickly began nudging Isabela to get out of the bed, Isabela herself scrambling to stand on her own two feet.

Marcía, however, smiled and laughed. “I was young once too, you know.” She assured her daughter and her daughter’s girlfriend. “Young and full of passion. You two are both grown women. You are free to do what you want! Just be responsible about it and always make sure you have consent first, okay?”

They both nodded profusely, especially Isabela.

“But I know Isabela would never hurt my little girl,” Marcía glanced over at Isabela. “Isn’t that right?”

Isabela gulped. “Sí, señora, I love Monika dearly and would never lay a finger or a cactus on her!” She knew enough about mothers to know that “isn’t that right?” wasn’t a question, despite it being posed as one. It was a demand.

“Good,” Marcía smiled, and it was only then, too late, that Monika realized what her mother believed had really gone on. Oh no. Her mother didn’t really think that they had done…that…did she? Apparently so. Monika didn’t know how her mother thought that as their clothes were still on, but at least she wasn’t mad. Still, she found herself too embarrassed to correct her mother as she buried her face in her hands, Isabela coughing awkwardly into her elbow as she looked down at the floor, blushing like a cherry.

She by all means wanted to get very intimate with Isabela, eventually, but the idea of her mother knowing brought her great anxiety, no matter how accepting she was of it.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, Julieta came in right then. “Monika, querida, I am so sorry In couldn’t make it earlier! I can see that you’re still having a headache, but I have just the remedy right he—oh. Who sucked the air out of the room?”

“It was me, mama,” Isabela said jokingly with a forced laugh. “Anyway, what did you prepare for mi novia?”

“Just some polvorosas cookies, nothing special,” Julieta replied, taking them out of the basket. “But I know that they are what Monika prefers. Her madre told me. Is that right, mi vida?”

Monika lifted her head, nodded, and smiled.

“That’s swell.” Julieta handed her the Polvorosa and a glass of water. “Here you go, my dear.”

Taking a gulp of the water before biting into the cookie, Monika was pleased to find her cramps instantly healed. She smiled up at Julieta, sprang out of bed, and wrapped her in a hug.

“Oh, you’re welcome, my dear,” Julieta said, hugging her back. “You’re welcome.” 

Isabela and Marcía joined into the hug. Monika felt butterflies in her stomach. She had never felt more at ease during her period as she did now. 

<3 

“Isa! Welcome back home!” Pepa smiled as she opened the door, escorting her sobrina inside. Julieta followed.

“How’s mi hermana?” Pepa said, smiling as she and Julieta kissed each other for on the cheek.

“I’m good, but more importantly, Monika is cured!” Julieta said.

“Of course, nothing less from the best healing chef in all the Encanto!” Pepa praised.

“I’m the only healing chef in the Encanto, tonta,” Julieta rolled her eyes playfully.

“I know that,” Pepa grinned. “Just more proof that my dear hermana mayor is special!”

“If you say so.” Julieta relented. The truth was, she was happy to get such high praise from her sister. It meant the world to her. She linked arms with her sister and lead her upstairs. “By the way, I have something to show you…”

Isabela watched her mom and aunt walk up the stairs together. “Buenas noches.”

“Buenas noches, mi amor.” Julieta and Pepa said in unison as they smiled and walked away.

Isabela moved into the living room…only to be confronted with three…particular nuisances grinning mysteriously as her. She gulped.

“Hey, prima-hermana,” Dolores said.

“Hey.” Isa waved awkwardly.

“How was your date with Monika?” Camilo taunted with a smirk.

“G-good. It was good.” Isa panicked. “Wait! It wasn’t a date!”

“Are you suuuure?” Mirabel singsonged. “Tell us everything else Isa!”

“I-I-I can’t! Come on! This is embarrassing!” Isabela’s face flushed red. “Why do you want me to tell you, don’t you have your own love lives to worry about?”

“Yes, but it’s so much more fun to meddle in someone else’s!” Camilo replied in earnest.

“Isa, are you really going to hide a secret this juicy from your sisters?” Dolores asked as she pulled out a chair between her and Camilo. “Come on, sit down, talk to us about what went on between you and your girlfriend over a nice warm cup of…tea. Tell us aaaaall about it.”

Isabela groaned.

“Go on, we’re listening. Especially me.”

“I do not want to talk about it, all right?” Isabela huffed as she crossed her arms. “And besides, you already know what went on. Nosy.”

Dolores and Camilo grinned at each other mischievously. Uh oh. Isabela had walked right into their trap.

“You’re right, Isa,” Camilo finally said. “It’s a shame you couldn’t stay the night, you two must have really liked snuggling with each other and kissing.” He winked. “Isn’t that right?”

“No, it’s not!” Isabela cried out, covering her ears in agitation.

“Oh, so you didn’t enjoy it?” Mirabel tilted her head to the side. “You don’t love her?” She gasped as tears came from her eyes. “Are you gonna…break up?”

“No, that’s not what I mean, I—“

“But that’s what you said.”

“I-uh…UGH!” Isabela stomped towards the stairs.

“You loooove her, don’t you?!” Camilo stood up. “But that’s okay, because you two are a perfect pair and she loves you too!” He shapeshifted into Monika and made kissing sounds, chasing Isabela until she ran up the stairs in frustration.

“Poor Isa. She’s probably just upset because she and Monika aren’t married yet,” Dolores mused as Camilo came back down the stairs.

Camilo shapeshifted back into Monika. “You’re telling me,” he said once he was back in his human form.

Mirabel looked at Camilo skeptically. “I thought you didn’t like romance,” she punched him in the shoulder, and Camilo smiled and tried not to wince. “Wasn’t that what you said, Señorito Cínico?“

Camilo blushed. “I mean yeah but, I just put up with it for you girls’ sakes!” But Mirabel and Dolores only laughed at this, not taking it seriously at all. “I don’t actually, like, care about any of this, heh, I just really enjoy getting a rise out of Isabela.” More outright laughter. The girls were not convinced.

“Although…” Mirabel and Dolores stopped in their tracks to listen to what he had to say.

Camilo shyly looked down at his feet. “I do think Isabela and Monika would make a great couple.”

Silence. The Mirabel wrapped her arms around Camilo’s neck and squeezed tight. “He admits it! We were right Dolores!” She kissed Camilo on the cheek, and he wiped it off in disgust. “They are so totally meant to be! I can already hear the wedding bells ringing!”

“Oh no.”

“You’re right, Mira,” Dolores agreed. “But in all seriousness, give them time to work it out at their own pace. What’s meant to be will be, no need to rush it.”

Mirabel nodded. “Yeah. That’s true. What’s meant to be will be.” She giggled. “But I’m still so happy for them!” 

<3 

That night, as Isabela laid herself down in her bed, her thoughts raced wildly as she thought of what had happened the other day. Monika’s sweet, hypnotizing kiss still left her lips tingling and lingered like the sweet aftertaste of sugar on her tongue. She still couldn’t believe that Monika had noticed her. She honestly didn’t think any girls would.

But as she closed her eyes and slowly began to fall asleep, her mind drifted back to Monika’s warm, loving embrace, and she knew, without a doubt, that she wanted to feel that warmth again and again and again, as much as was humanly possible, without cease.

Meanwhile, Monika crawled into her bed again that night, having felt a lot better as a result of Julieta’s tasty healing cookies. But that wasn’t the only thing that had made her feel better that day. Just thinking about Isabela’s soft and sexy lips on hers made her joyful all over again. She could barely go to sleep that night, all her mind would let her focus on was Isabela’s touch, and the kindness she had shown her that day. She smiled to herself. She was so lucky to have a caring, kind, and beautiful girlfriend like her.

She thanked the stars and heaven above that she had Isabela in her life, a woman whom she would love with all her heart and soul. And before she went to sleep, that was the last thought on her mind.

She couldn’t wait to hold Isabela in her arms again.

[tsunonotarou]

"You can stay with me."

summary — Leona despised going back home for the holidays, so you told him to stay.

notes — Inspired by this piece of @takuyakistall ! Shdksjd I hope it's alright to write this if not I can always take it down!

: gender-neutral reader

"Do you have to go back?"

The question was sudden, not something he thought this little herbivore would ask.

"Not necessarily, but you've met that annoying nephew of mine, haven't you? I'll probably be stuck with piles of his letters asking why I wasn't home."

Well, Leona could actually just ignore all the letters and not go back but, what's left here in the school for him? No one. He'll be left alone if he stayed in school and it'll still be the same even after he went back to Afterglow Savannah, it won't make a difference.

If he's going to be alone either way, just choose the one less troublesome. At least he won't get letters piling up in his room if he went home.

"But...going back home is suffocating for you, right?" Concerned gazes weren't something Leona was used to.

How did the two of you get into this conversation, anyway? Heck, he doesn't even know how he and Ruggie sat with your bunch during lunch break when he was usually in the botanical garden.

It started with him complaining about going back home, and Ruggie teasing, and the others getting up to get their food and drinks.

Maybe the conversation spiraled from there.

He and you weren't even that close to begin with. Leona was sure you couldn't even meet his eyes just a few minutes ago, but now you're having a full on conversation with the dorm head of Savanaclaw.

"It's not like the school would be completely empty during the holidays..." Leona's eyebrows raised, peering down your figure.

"You can stay with me."

It was his widened eyes and stiff posture that made you realized what you had said. An unexpected cough left you, caused by an unexpected choke on your own spit. Face gradually reddening.

"I mean—! Y-You're not going to be alone if you stayed in Night Raven College! Grim and I will be here and uh- yeah! Those two eels and octopus are going to be here, too. So you—"

The grip on your clothing was slowly tightening, stuttered nonsense when his particularly loud laugh echoed in your ear, and you could feel eyes staring at your table. You internally cursed at yourself for saying things without thinking it through.

Too flustered by the situation, you failed to notice how genuine and heartfelt his laugh was.

His laughing ceased, but the grin was still there, not calming your nerves down in the slightest. "You know, when I first met you, I never thought you'd be this interesting."

A pout sets on your lips, shoulders slumped but you took in a sharp breath when his lips curled into a smirk. "Alright, I'll stay with you." Your head tilt to the side, was he really planning on to actually stay with you?

"It's payback for last time when you and that racoon caused such a ruckus in my room." Your eyes averted to the side, spitting out nervous and awkward chuckles, and you choked once more at his next words.

"Prepare yourself, herbivore."

[monicashipsnickyjoe]

(part 6 (final!) of my advertising agency office au - see masterpost)

The clock on the living room wall reads midnight. The television, muted, begins the same infomercial for the third time. It’s a rotisserie oven but also an air fryer. If you call now, you get a free oven mitt.

Sitting on the sofa, Nicky glances at the closed bedroom door. He stifles a yawn.

He wants more than anything to go into the bedroom, crawl into bed beside Joe, and fall asleep, but Joe has been so out of it since they left work. He is in no position to consent to sharing a bed.

Instead, Nicky pulls the afghan off the back of the couch and tries to make himself comfortable on the too-short cushions. At twenty, this position would have been no problem, and he’d wake refreshed regardless. At thirty-five, with his knees bent at such an odd angle, he knows he’s in for hell and bengay in the morning. Still, thinking of Joe, safe and warm, tucked away in Nicky’s bed, gives Nicky the foolish, happy hope that everything will be fine.

Maybe that’s an effect of love, he thinks, and closes his eyes.

They snap open again when a hand touches his shoulder. The infomercial continues. The air-fryer is also a barbecue, somehow. The blue television light gleams a harsh outline around a head of curls that’s slowly coming into focus.

“Joe?”

“Nicky.” Joe’s voice is sleep rough and beautiful. Even in the dark, the eyes radiate concern. “What are you doing out here?”

Nicky blinks. “Sleeping?”

Joe looks at him, searching for something Nicky’s unsure of. Then he frowns. “I can leave...?”

“What?” Nicky snaps upright. His knees ache, but he ignores the pain to twist on the couch and reach for Joe. His hands find his biceps and the muscles underneath that Nicky’s favorite sleep-shirt struggles to contain. Nicky looks down, at the t-shirt - at Joe in his t-shirt, kneeling on the floor, in the dark. Any coherent thought becomes dust blowing away under the breeze of the ceiling fan.

“Or not,” Joe says, still watching him. He places a hand on Nicky’s side, just above his hip. All of Nicky’s nerves zero in on that touch, on the press of each finger, the line of Joe’s thumb against Nicky’s bottom rib.

“Stay,” Nicky manages to say, or he hopes he does. He can’t tell anymore because Joe is leaning toward him and what else matters but that?

“Why are you out here, Nicky?” Joe says, each word a puff of warm breath against Nicky’s cheek, his lips. Close, so close.

“You were asleep.”

Joe smiles, and Nicky knows for certain that his heart is no longer his own.

“I’m not sleeping now,” Joe says.

“This could be a dream.” Though the dull throb in Nicky’s cramp knee tells otherwise.

“No,” Joe says. With his other hand, he cups Nicky’s face, palm against his cheek, thumb lining his cheekbone, fingertips brushing against his ear. “You are so much more than anything I could dare dream.”

“Joe.” Nicky claws at that old t-shirt, pulling Joe closer.

“I want to kiss you, Nicky. May I?”

“Per favore.”

Joe coaxes Nicky forward and Nicky tugs Joe. Lips find lips in the dark, and suddenly, finally, they are kissing. Passion strikes hot, an electric zap through Nicky’s body that has him surging forward. Nicky wraps his arms around Joe’s shoulders, his neck. His hands bury into those curls. They are soft and wild, everything Joe, everything Nicky imagined.

Joe tilts his head, deepening their kiss. He licks his way into Nicky’s mouth. His arms wrap around Nicky’s waist, holding him close. One hand splays flat at the small of Nicky’s back. The other traces feather-light patterns up and down Nicky’s spine.

“Joe,” Nicky breathes, when they break for air. “Yusuf.”

Joe’s chest heaves as much as Nicky’s own. His eyes are dark and his lips kiss-swollen. He makes a noise very near a growl as he plunges in for more.

The next breath, Joe offers, “Nicolò,” and this time, it’s Nicky who growls. He pushes further into Joe and they tumble back onto the floor. Nicky’s on top of Joe now, and the new angle is perfect. And they can move.

Joe’s not wearing pants and Nicky has too many clothes. Joe’s tugging at his shirt, but it’s useless. They would have to break apart to undress, and Nicky would rather shoot himself into the moon than separate from Joe for that long.

Never in his life has he felt like this, not even as a horny teenage pawing at his first boyfriend in the backseat of a car. Nicky wants, but not just to get himself off, like his teenage self. He wants to feel Joe tremble, to hear him moan - to give him the kind of pleasure and happiness and comfort and love that a man so wonderful deserves. He wants to be his best self. He wants to be everything Joe needs.

He wants.

“Nicolò,” Joe pants, again and again, when their lips are parted enough for him to do so. Nicky drops kiss after kiss down the side of his neck. “Oh, Nicolò.” He grips at Nicky’s shirt, it’s bunched under Nicky’s arms now, and begs, “Be mine. Please be mine.”

Nicky stills in his onslaught and lifts his head.

Joe’s eyes are hooded. His lips, red and parted. He looks ravished and perfect and lovely. How can he not understand?

“I’m already yours, Yusuf,” Nicky says. “I’ve been yours since I first heard you laugh at the water cooler. I just didn’t know it then.”

Something in Joe’s face shifts - still lost to lust, but softening. The urgency in his hands slows. He moves deliberately now, cupping Nicky’s face and bringing him down for a gentle kiss.

“I will be kind with your heart,” Joe tells him.

Nicky twists his face as much as Joe’s hold will allow. He glances down, away, embarrassed. “I know.”

“And I will beg you to be kind with mine.”

Nicky’s gaze snaps back to Joe’s growing smile.

“You have owned my heart since the moment I saw you, Nicolò.”

Nicky’s breath abandons him. His heart races, thumping so loud and hard, Nicky’s sure it will jump straight from his chest and into Joe’s, where it belongs.

The floor isn’t enough. Not for the power of their love. Not for their first time together.

Nicky still wants, but now he wants Joe in comfort on a bed, as open and vulnerable and safe as Nicky feels. He pushes himself up to his knees.

“Come with me to the bedroom?” Nicky asks.

“Nicky,” Joe says, rising. “I would follow you anywhere.”

They leave the living room and the ceiling fan and the infomercials and a trail of clothes behind. Nicky closes the bedroom door and starts the rest of his life.

*

It’s Saturday. The sun beams in through Nicky’s thin curtains and beats on the foot of the bed. Nicky glances at the bedside table, at the clock that reads 7am. He won’t move more than that though. He won’t risk disrupting the sleeping man curled around him like an octopus.

A beard scratches Nicky’s chest. Curls tickle his chin.

He can’t wait for Joe to wake up, to hear his voice and see his eyes, but seeing him like this is a blessing too. He’s warm and relaxed. He talks no less asleep in a bed as he did in a chair, though this time Nicky knows with certainty that Joe means him when he mumbles, “You are everything, Nicky.”

Soon, Joe does wake. He lifts his head, blinking a few times. When his gaze falls on Nicky, his smile widens so big and bright, he puts the sun to shame.

“This is the best bed I’ve ever slept in,” he says. Before Nicky can argue - he bought this bed on extreme discount, and the springs are starting to poke through in some places - Joe continues, “It has you in it.”

Nicky laughs, and Joe does, too. Slowly, through lazy kisses, they untangle from each other and the sheets. When Joe’s stomach growls, Nicky pulls him toward the kitchen.

“Stay,” he says, and places Joe in a bar stool by the kitchen island.

“Happily.” Joe sets his elbow on the counter and his chin in his palm. He openly leers at Nicky, who perhaps should have put more on than a pair of boxers. He wants to take Joe back into the bedroom, but no. Joe is hungry, and Nicky will not have him starved.

Nicky retrieves the eggs from the fridge and a pan from the cabinet and sets to making scrambled eggs. He glances back often, catching the exact moment when Joe’s dark gaze shifts. A line forms between his brow instead.

“You don’t like scrambled eggs?” Nicky asks, lifting the pan away from the burner. He should have asked first.

“No, I do. It’s fine,” Joe says.

“Then why the face?”

“What face? This is my face.”

Nicky frowns at him until he relents.

“Okay, fine.” Joe sighs. “You win. I’m worried about...” Another sigh. “What are we, Nicky?”

Nicky frowns deeper. He thought they made it clear last night. Was Joe having second thoughts? Turning back to the eggs, he pushes them around the pan with a spatula.

“We don’t have to be anything,” he hears himself say. It’s breaks his own heart - he wants everything with Joe. But if he can’t have everything, he’d rather have something than nothing.

“We... don’t?”

“We could keep doing this,” Nicky says. “We don’t have to complicate it.” He wants to complicated it. He wants Joe, body, heart, and soul. He pushes the eggs.

“I see.”

“Whatever you want, Joe.”

“What I want?”

Joe isn’t saying anything. Nicky keeps making offers and Joe’s just repeating them. If he’s going to break Nicky’s heart, he’d rather he do it before breakfast. The coffee’s not even ready yet and -

Nicky takes the eggs off the burner. He places them down on a separate, cooler part of the stove and swivels. He has his mouth open, ready to beg Joe for something, anything. But then he sees his own look of absolute heartbreak mirrored on Joe’s face.

And he curses those eggs for distracting him.

“Or we could be more,” Nicky says.

Joe lifts a little, from where he’s curled into himself. “More?”

Nicky swallows. He’s afraid, so afraid, to let himself hope to have this, but it’s everything he wants. And after everything they’ve shared, surely there’s a chance that Joe wants it too.

So Nicky takes a breath and lays himself bare.

“I want to be with you, Joe. As your boyfriend. Your lover. Your partner. However you will have me. In every way you will have me.”

Joe stares at him a long moment, expression blank. Then he steps off the bar stool and comes around the island. His eyes are wet and bright and shining, and he’s looking at Nicky like he is personally responsible for all the good in the world and not just the few words spoken from the heart.

Joe wraps his arms around Nicky and kisses him, tenderly, a balm coating the wounds of misunderstanding.

“Boyfriends. Lovers. Partners. Everything,” Joe says, pressing their foreheads together.

“Everything,” Nicky says.

Their kisses now are gentle, kind - echoes of thousands of kisses to follow, each full of love and light and safety and comfort. And sometimes lust, too, as Nicky urges Joe’s lips to part enough for -

Joe’s stomach growls and Nicky jumps away like he burned him.

What a terrible host he is!

Joe reaches for him but Nicky shies away.

“You need to eat,” Nicky says and returns the eggs to the hot burner. Nicky half-turns only to point his spatula at the empty stool. “Sit.”

Joe, laughing, obeys. “Okay, okay.”

When the eggs are done, and Nicky is separating the portions onto two plates, Joe says, “We’ll have to talk to HR on Monday. Since we are together.”

Nicky freezes. Being with Joe, he had entirely forgotten about work and The Old Guard and Andy’s offer. “Joe,” he says and sets down the empty pan.

“Hm?”

Nicky takes the plates and turns. He places one in from of Joe. Compared to the bravery of the past day, talking to Joe about this should be easy, but Nicky is no less nervous when he says, “Have you ever thought of leaving Merrick’s?”

Joe snorts a laugh. “All the time!”

“What if...” Nicky hesitates, thinking of Joe’s sports car. “What if it was a smaller company? The pay probably isn’t...”

“Nicky.” Joe reaches out and places his hand on Nicky’s. “You can talk to me about anything.”

Nicky huffed out a breath. That’s right. Joe is his boyfriend now, and boyfriends don’t keep secrets. They trust each other. “I was offered another job.”

Joe perks immediately, sitting high on his chair. A smile spreads wide. “That’s wonderful, Nicky!”

“Thank you. I...” Another breath. “When I was interviewing, I mentioned that I might know a graphic designer who... Well, Merrick was treating you so terribly and I wanted to see if... just to give you options.”

Joe’s smile softens. He hums a little, like he’s considering. “What did they say?”

“I didn’t mean to say it was you, but Andy knew somehow. She said, ‘if it’s Yusuf al-Kaysani.’”

Joe shakes his head. “Andy? Andromache? Are you talking about The Old Guard?”

“Um. Yes.”

Joe sits back on the stool. His mouth opens, closes, and opens again. “The Old Guard?”

Nicky looks to his left and right, searching for an answer to a question he thought he already answered. “Yes?”

Joe’s brow furrows but he’s still smiling and Nicky is so very confused.

“They’ll take us both?” Joe says.

“Yes.”

Abruptly, Joe laughs. He bounces off the stool, comes around the island again, and pulls Nicky into a tight bear hug that lifts him clear off the ground.

“Nicky, that’s -! I can barely believe it! The Old Guard!” He’s laughing and spinning. Nicky, holding on, laughs too, delighted by Joe’s happiness even if he doesn’t entirely understand it. When he finally lowers Nicky, he says, “What a dream. To have you, Nicky, and a job offer from Andromache herself in one day.”

“Do you know her?” Nicky asks.

“Know her? She is legend.” Joe takes both of Nicky’s hands and kisses along the knuckles. “The Old Guard is famous world-wide, their work is unparalleled, and they are notoriously difficult to join. No one ever leaves. Oh, Nicky, you have given me so many gifts today. I think I might burst with happiness!”

Nicky had no idea The Old Guard is so famous. “So you’ll come with me?”

“I said I would follow you anywhere.”

“Yes, but -”

Joe kisses him. “I mean it, Nicky. Anywhere. And this is no hardship, believe me.”

By the time they remember breakfast, the eggs have gone cold. Nicky tries to make something else, but Joe, impatient, scarfs down the cold eggs and then leads Nicky back to the bedroom where they stay for most of the day.

“I must show my appreciation,” Joe says, following Nicky onto the bed. He reaches for Nicky’s boxers, and begins to slide them down.

“You don’t have to.”

“Oh, Nicky. I want to.”

*

The Old Guard has an open concept office. Desks and paperwork are strewn around in minor chaos. A kitchen sits in the far back corner, counter covered in too many take-out counters. Nicky immediately begins making plans for group meals.

Andy introduces the team: Nile, Booker, Quynh, and Lykon.

When Nicky and Joe tell her they’re dating, she rolls her eyes and says, “No, shit.” She tells them, “No sex in the office,” and that is that.

Nicky sits at his desk on wide side of the office and Joe on the other. They can see each other across the room. Joe catches his eye and winks.

Booker groans. Nile reaches over her desk and smacks him upside the head.

They’re chaotic but talented and friendly and fair. And when Andy stops by his desk to tell him, “Welcome to the family,” Nicky believes she means it. And it starts to feel like home.

*

“I never thought I’d find this,” Nicky says later, as he cuts open the tape on Joe’s last box. Joe’s jackets hang on the pegs near the door, beside Nicky’s. His clothes sit with Nicky’s in the drawers of their now-shared dresser.

“Love?” Joe asks from where he’s placing some of his books on the bookcase.

“Everything.”

Joe leaves what remains of the books in a pile and abandons the shelf to come to Nicky. He pulls Nicky into his arms. Nicky hooks his chin over Joe’s shoulder.

“I hate Merrick,” Nicky says, “But how can I not be grateful? If not for that job, I might not have found you.”

Joe tsks. “We would have found each other, Nicky. My heart knew you before I did. I would never have stopped searching until I found you.”

Though they have been together for several months now, Joe’s words still send Nicky’s heart racing as no other could.

“Like destiny?” Nicky asks.

Joe turns enough to kiss the shell of Nicky’s ear. “Destiny is not enough.”

Nicky laughs, delighted. “You incurable romantic.”

“Tell me you don’t love me.”

Nicky pulls away, enough to look at Joe - beautiful, happy, well-rested and well-fed. His love. His lover. His forever.

“Never.”

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Earth is Space Australia, “Plagues of Earth.”

I finally got to write an earth is space Australia ft. (Australia) lol. I hope you guys have fun, i enjoyed making this, though I had less time than I wanted to elaborate. 

Also inspired by a cover of “The Plagues of Egypt” Done by Johnathan Young in a heavy metal style. I would suggest listening to it when you think about this piece. 

Also, sorry if I said anything inaccurate about anyone’s country. I had less than two hours and a quick google search for facts 

“Their planetary defense is strong, but they prepare for battle on a large scale.If we bring our troops to the surface in small drop ships, and lead their military carriers away by attacking their nearby colony. We will take the planet.”

“What would be the point of this?”

“Humanity is held up as deity by the rest of the galaxy. As long as they fight, the GA fights with them. But if we destroy them, crush their planet at the source, then we crush the morale of the rest of the galaxy.”

“Where do we drop out soldiers?”

“Everywhere, on every major landmass, near every major city. But we do it quietly, drop them into the wilderness first so the humans won’t see them coming.” 

“If we can defeat the humans, we can defeat them all.”

***

Location: Upper-Mid Merianda (Previous US/Canada border rocky mountain region) 

The burg landed in the thick forests of the north. The human planet was lush and green, and the temperature was moderate, though it leaned slightly towards cold under the canopy of branches. There were sounds everywhere, the chattering of wildlife and strange flying creatures flitting through the trees. The nearest human residence was not far off, maybe a ten cycle march down hill.

They would reach it in no time, and make their sneak attack.

Their team commander barked his commands to the following Burg soldiers and together they began making their way down the hill.

None of them noticed when things began to go wrong.

They had never been to earth, and so were not aware of the sudden silence in the forest that comes before a coming storm.

You see, the Burg are similar to the Iotans, in that they give off a pungent smell. Not so pungent as it tends to affect humans, but pungent enough to affect the nearby wildlife. A wildlife that was not pleased with their presence.

It might have been fine, if they hadn’t stumbled into the den.

It started with a light squeaking. A sound that gave them pause as they looked around for the source. One of the burg pushed aside a green fern to reveal a hole dug into the embankment. He would have investigated if it weren’t for the loud piercing howl that echoed through the trees just to their right.

They all leaped upright in confusion and fear backing into a circle.

Another howl pierced the forest from their left, another form their right. Until they were surrounded by the sound. Shapes flitted through the trees, furry on all fours and hunched.

A howl from directly behind them.

They spun in place.

As the wolf leaped from the top of the embankment her teeth flashing.

As it turns out wolf pups are fond of Burg flesh

***

New Brazilia (Somewhere in what was once central Brazil, Border rain forest district)

This was the perfect climate, nice warm, dark and moist, shady below the trees that towered overhead in great twisting arcs. The foliage below them was very thick and hard to cut through as they made their way towards the human colonies. This was surely going to be their element, and they laughed at the idea of making the humans suffer as they waded their way through the trees.

The ground before them opened revealing an embankment on the side of a river. There was a hole in the foliage here, and the ground was dry. The burg stepped down onto this spot, their feet crunching slightly in the dirt.

One of them slapped absently at one of it’s segmented legs, brushing away a small insect that had crawled onto its body. Another party member did the same.

One of them even shrieked in pain, “It bit me!”

They looked down brushing the little black bugs off their bodies, only to find that the ground was absolutely swarming with them. One of the Burg shrieked, and tried to run his entire body now covered with hundreds of these little black creatures, however he tripped and fell onto his face.

His entire body was black.

The others began to scream as well, swatting at their bodies and their weapons falling to the riverbed as they were overrun by a massive troop of army ants.

They would never make their destination.

***

United Slavic  Districts (North/eastern Russia)

This forest was both humid and somewhat cold. It was early morning in the summer, and yet frost still built up on the leaves of the plants overhead. The burg weren’t particularly pleased about this, but they were going to have to deal with it.

It was best to keep moving at times like this, and they hurried their way through thick banks of early morning fog towards the not-to-distant human civilization. Their feet were nearly silent over the frosty forest floor dirt compressing under foot.

They had been walking for some minutes when they heard the sound. A strange mournful cry from the woods almost like the cry of a human infant, though slightly deeper. THe sound made them excited. Where they were infants there were likely humans. And who knows that could be a human noise.

They followed the sound looking about the foggy forest.

The noise came again, so close.

Ah, and there it was, though they were disappointed to find it was not a human at all, but  two fuzzy brown animals no bigger than waist height. They were so small, so pathetic and pitiful and they cried out in terror when the burg approached.

One of the burg raised it’s weapon angry.

The bellow came echoing through the trees rending the very air around them and sending birds scattering into the sky.

The burg turned on their heels as the massive brown bear came charging out of the forest bellowing her teeth flashing.

As it seemed the great land, of what was once, Russia was not pleased with their presence.

***

East Trans African Belt (former Ethiopia)

It was hot and dry, and the burg didn’t like it. But at least the ground was mostly flat, and the dirt was easy to navigate. Tall grasses raised to either side of the shallow river just to their left. Animals grunted off in the distance and the sky above was bright and blue. Dust rose up from their feet as they made their way towards the edge of the river, hoping that the water would help to moisten up the air around them.

The grunting grew louder.

They glanced over seeing large bulbous shapes in the water. It didn’t much matter to them, and they mostly ignored the creatures, knowing that anything that big was likely to be equally slow. They were making their way up the riverbank now, and the creatures rested in the water just to their side.

Distant grunting grew louder.

One of the burg was standing just next to the bank now when the water exploded casing great droplets into the air as the Hippo burst from the river mouth open wide at it’s four foot extension and bit down upon the unsuspecting burg dragging him violently into the water.

The others tried to run, slipped on the mud, and were set upon by the rest of the family.

***

Southern Indasia (India) 

The river bank was calm, nothing but floating logs out on the distant water. One of the burg officers was listening to her communications.  There were reports form all across the human’s home planet, that many of their parties had gone radio silent. She wasn’t entirely sure what that could mean but it worried her. Many of them had been traveling along river pathways just like her and her group, and she wondered if that had anything to do with their current situation.

One of the young burg stood at the edge of the water kicking stones into its murky green depths.

“We should definitely move along  from this area.” She was saying moving back up the bank and towards the forest of trees.”

One of he logs had floated closer to shore.

The young burg agreed and bent down to retrieve his weapon from the bank.

A moment later his head had disappeared vanished inside the mouth of a crocodile who then began to spin violently  dragging the burg into the water. Alerted to the frenzy others came as well racing up onto the bank.

There was never any evidence that the Burg had visited india, though there were reports about strange noises by the river that morning.

***

Australia (still just Australia)

They came as the sun was rising. A low mist had coated itself over the land, though the day was lucking to be annoyingly hot. 

They were just coming up to the edge of the human settlement when they saw it. A distant shape silhouetted between two trees. At first it looked like a man, but as the fog drew back they found a strange creature staring back at them.

One of the burg snorted.

The thing looked like a Tesraki almost, but dumber and a bit taller with large pointy ears, an absolutely massive trunk, and a very long back tail that it used like a Tesraki to stand on iits back legs.

One of the Tesraki crouched down in the foliage resting his hand on a low garden wall.

“Just shoo it off.” Their commander ordered, and two of the Burg moved up to confront the dumb looking creature.

Three things happened at once.

First the crouching burg cursed violently flicking his hand and tossing the angry funnel web spider into the bushes. 

A hiss rose up from the leaves.

And the kangaroo violently kicked the first burg in the chest collapsing his carapace beyond repair before moving over to stomp his friend.

The death adder struck.

Two  of the Burg were convulsing on the ground, another two lay silent and broken. The next two ran off in different directions, one towards the nearby beach and the other back into the forest.

No one is entirely sure what happened after that. All we know is one was found belly up at high tide near the docks where blue ringed octopus are known to be found, and the other was completely gone, though they did spot a rather bloated and very happy looking python chilling in the bushes not far from where the incident occurred.

More and more berg had stopped answering their calls.

Most of the burg would never find out what happened.

But we do.

Burg were found dead all over the world.

A young girl reported a burg attack in the outskirts of London, though her rottweiler had made quick work of that enlisting another pack of suburban dogs to protect the little girl from the freaky bug things.

Alligator attacks in Florida.

Six burg were found plowed over by a speeding bullet train in Japan.

in  Lower Mid Mericanda, a group of self-claimed hillbillies  with cutoff sleeves and unironic mullets were speeding through the forests on the back of four wheelers taking pot shots at anything remotely burg shaped. They had  at least ten confirmed kills, and the creatures never made it out of the swamp.

Another group of burg had made the mistake of landing in one of the last nuclear fallout zones in eastern europe, and ended up cooked by the radiation, their bodies to remain rotting there until cleanup finally made it to the site. It was likely they didn’t last more than twenty minutes.

A surfer off the coast of New Zealand watched a school of dolphins ravage a group of burg who had through a water approach would be more prudent.  He had no idea how the dolphins knew the burg were intruders, but they seemed very interested in helping out.

One group of burg had managed to land themselves in a city in the european provinces, and found themselves beaten to death violently by a group of drunk civilians carrying improvised weapons, one of them even brandishing a pool cue.

Two more teams froze to death before they reached their destination.

Another was washed away by a minor flood.

One of the burg ended up tipped off a cliff by a massive eagle, falling to his death hundreds of feet below. 

Another entire group managed to walk their way into a patch of poison ivy breaking out in horrible boils, which later necrosed as they lay paralyzed on the forest floor. 

Somewhere someone was trampled by a moose, while their other friends were whisked over a waterfall.

In yellowstone (yeah it still hasn’t blown up yet bc the vents are a good pressure release) at least another team of burg found themselves cooking in the natural hot springs after ignoring the signs that said (keep on the walkway).

Those who chose to land in the city were not greeted cordially either, packs of marauding street dogs, gangs, the homeless, drunk civilians, angry policemen, and a high school baseball team supported by the high school chess team.

Long and short of the story is that earth was-not-having-it.

The burg had made a grave mistake. 

Mother earth was fond of her children, even the human ones. 

[lord-explosion-baku]

Yandere Warlock!Monoma x insecure witch!reader

Warnings: dark themes, yandere, suggestive themes, hinted dubcon scenario, light violence

A/N: THIS WAS RUSHED AS HECK. Like when I say that, the story just moves along really fast and I’m hhhh sorry about it. This is the first thing I’ve ever written for Monoma though! Fun stuff! Also ahhhh I’m not loving the way the reader reacts to how Monoma treats her. I’m so used to writing the reader with a hint of ANGERY BASTARD inside but I figured that if she’s insecure, and wack enough to fix a love potion for someone, this might be natural for someone like her?? Idk dood. I love magic and I am a newt.

“Tell me you love me…”

You’d spent so much of your time yearning for Neito Monoma, wondering if he’d ever give you the time of day. It was wild and unexpected of you to crush so hard for someone as arrogant as that warlock; usually types that constantly had to one up everybody irked the living hell out of you, especially since you were too modest by nature, too nervous to ever give yourself any credit when you’d excel, but Monoma paid you a few compliments here and there. He smiled at you during passing periods and even told you he liked the way you cast your spells. You thought that maybe he was this way with all the other witches, even so, he made you feel less obscure, visible to even a stronger caster such as him. You had no idea that he’d reciprocate your feelings, at least, until it was too late.

It was a simple potion, you couldn’t even call it a love potion. Sure, you may have added some reagents that had similar properties one would put in a love potion, but it wasn’t supposed to be for “love.” You just wanted to be more recognized by him. And woof, after you’d slipped that potion into his morning pumpkin juice, you were for sure recognized.

Things started out fine. You had stumbled upon Monoma in the school gardens, a place he rarely studied but it was one of your main haunts. He was sifting through flowers, making an eclectic bouquet full of different varieties of your flora friends. When he’d caught you staring at him, he gave you a bashful smile that nearly melted your heart.

“I was hoping this would be a surprise,” he said, tying a black ribbon around the bouquet that made the various colors of each petal pop out more. He held the bouquet out to to you and when you took it, his long warm fingers lingered of yours. Clear blue eyes scanned your face, lingering on your lips before you brought the bouquet to your nose to take in the sweetened aroma. “The prettiest flowers for the prettiest girl.”

After that, you spent so much more time with Monoma. He seemed pretty normal to you other than how often you caught him staring at you from across the classroom. He’d leave you cute little notes, if you could call them notes; honestly, they were a bit more like sonnets than anything, and he’d bring you nice gifts and pay you sweet compliments. He made you feel special. You had never known that someone who spent most of his time boasting about his power and shutting everyone else down had such a way with words! He was nearly the perfect boyfriend.

Until he started to get a little more creative with his gift giving. You’d find roses left on your pillow when you returned back to your dorm room after a hard day’s work. Warlocks weren’t permitted to enter the witch’s dorms but somehow Monoma figured out a way past certain enchantments. You thought it was cute that he was willing to break some rules for you. After you told him that you were interested in brewing a certain master level potion that required fairies blood, a super rare rageant that not even Aizawa, your potion’s professor, could get his hands on, Monoma came to you with a box full of four vials of fairies blood. That was a bit excessive. The potion only called for a tiny bit.

Monoma grew more violent towards other warlocks in your life as well. He’d hexed your best friend, Hanta Sero, giving him octopus arms after Sero carelessly threw his arm around your shoulders in the main hall, right in front of Monoma and sometime after Kaminari asked you what you saw in your new, probably too invested boyfriend, Kami’s lips were seen sewn shut for about four hours until a professor figured out how to reverse the curse. Kaminari never told you how it happened, but after everyone who was supposed to be your friend started avoiding you, you kinda figured you knew what was going on.

On top of everything else, he was advancing on your hardcore. You enjoyed the attention, in fact, you craved it, but you weren’t ready to go all the way with him and he was beginning to get really pushy. When you didn’t do whatever he wanted, he’d get frustrated, accusatory, he’d make you feel guilty about things you never did! Claiming that you weren’t faithful to him seemed like his favorite thing to do and the only way to get him to stop was for him to use a strange truth spell on you, one that you were always afraid would work so you’d tell him about the potion you slipped him, though the questions he asked never lead to that. Once he was satisfied with your answers, he’d litter your neck and body in hickeys, little bruising love marks to make sure that if you weren’t committed enough, everyone else knew that you belonged to him.

So you knew you had to confront him.

Walking up the steps of the astronomy tower, your shared secret spot with Monoma, the place you’d use to make out amongst other things without being caught by any school faculty, you gripped the note you’d written out for Monoma tightly in your trembling hands, trying to steady your breath. You knew what you’d done and you had to admit to Monoma that you were responsible for how he was acting. Aizawa always said that you shouldn’t mess around with love when it came to magic. You didn’t think you were when you’d made that potion, but deep down, you knew what you were going for. This was your stupid mistake and you had to right your wrongs. You shoved the note in your pocket and opened the astronomy room door.

Monoma was already there, standing by the extravagant telescope, tapping his foot impatiently. “You’re late,” he said, hands latching onto your hips immediately. “I was beginning to think that I was going to have to fetch you.”

Instantly, he yanked you close so your body pressed flush up against his, and he turned so your back was against the wall. His body felt… warmer than usual.

“I missed you,” he murmured, nuzzling into your neck. Almost instantly his tongue slid out and he licked a strip up your neck to your ear, making you shudder against him. “Don’t make me wait for you again, angel. I can’t stand not seeing you.”

He squeezed your hips before trailing a hand up to the edge of your shirt, thumb gently caressing the skin underneath. “How are you?” He asked, playfulling toying with the elasticity of your skirt.

“Um- I’m okay,” you stammered, catching his hand in yours that only made him smirk as he brought the back of your wrist to his lips.

“Just okay?” He lifted a brow, brushing his lips across your skin. “Better now that I’m here?” He closed his eyes and breathed you in. “Oh!...” you took in another long whiff. “You got a new perfume…”

He brought your arms to hang around his neck, keeping your gaze locked into his. You wondered if he could tell just how guilty you were just by looking at you. “Did my sweet girl have a bad day?”

“I’ve just been… a little stressed, is all.”

“Mmmm, I can tell,” he mused, “lucky for you, I know the perfect way of relieving tension.”

You bit your lip, dreading the blood that undoubtedly rushed to your face. Even if Monoma wasn’t all there, he still made your heart jump, especially when he got himself riled up.

“Sound nice?” He smirked, leaning closer back to your face. “I’ll be gentle. You know I only want to take care of you, right?”

“Neito,” you began, turning your head away from his cool, mint scented breath. “N-not right now…”

He scoffed. It was too easy to aggravate him and pissing him off was a dangerous game to play. He never… forced you to do anything you didn’t want to, but he was not above throwing fits. “Then why don’t you tell me what’s going on with you? Honestly Y/N, you’ve been acting strange for weeks, and if you don’t want me to show you just how much I love you, then you might as well come out and tell me who you’ve been fucking already.”

“Neito!” You shot him an incredulous look. “I haven’t been sleeping with anybody! You know I’m a-!”

“Who is it? You can tell me,” he cut over you, not bothering to hear you out. “You know I’ll always forgive you, but I want to know what filth has been tarnishing what’s mine.”

“Nobody, Neito! I’ve never had sex!”

“Was it Todoroki? I saw him talking to you after your Charms class.”

“He was lending me notes! I missed classes because I was with you!” Jesus, you hadn’t even seen Monoma after you had charms, he was like some kind of obsessive ninja.

“It better not have been that trash, Katsuki Bakugou! He’s been eyeing you since the moment he saw that you were with me. I bet he can’t stand seeing me have something that he doesn’t!”

“You’re not listening to me!” You cried, moving your hands from his back to gently cup his face. You watched as his eyes went from feral and angry to soft and loving as you drew your thumbs across his lips, trying to ease him back to his senses. “Neito, nobody’s been talking to me… even if they were, I’d let them know there’s only one guy for me. I… really liked you, Neito. I liked you enough that I did something very wrong and it has hurt you and for that, I’m sorry. ”

“Hurt me?” He didn’t understand.

“I spiked your drink with a love potion. I thought it would just make you notice me, but now everything is wrong!”

The pregnant pause between you and Monoma was nearly deafening. He lifted his hand to neatly place over yours, his body hot. His eyes searched yours, seeming to register what you were saying. But his eyes lied.

“Liked?” His hands tightened over yours. “As in past tense?”

“That’s not the point and not really what I meant-!”

“Oh, darling, don’t be cute with me right now. I’m thinking!”

You only realized how hard you were shaking when he pulled away from you to let you breathe. Monoma ran his fingers through his hair, messing up its usually neat style. He let out an exaggerated sigh and began to pace. You brought the note out of your pocket. If he couldn’t understand your words, maybe it’d make more sense to him if he’d read them?

You reached out for his shoulders, he tensed at your tender touch for a moment before relaxing against you. You hugged him from behind, burying your face into his back and held the note out in front of him. “Please read it,” you asked, muffled by his blazer.

Gingerly, he took the note out of your hand. He read it over; it basically said all that you had done, when you did it, and why you did it. You noticed his back growing damp and you only realize that you were crying when he turned to face you, with an unreadable expression.

Monoma’s thumb found your cheek and he wiped away an escapee tear you hadn’t intended to let him see. He sighed and watched your lips part, a natural, possible submissive instinct you’d picked up since you started dating the warlock. “I love you, Y/N,” he muttered, trailing his warm, now shaking fingers down to your chin. “I love you so much, it hurts.”

“I-I know.” You forced yourself to speak even though your skin was nearly vibrating from anxiety. “And-“ you gulped “-It’s all my fault. But I’m going to fix this, Neito. You won’t have to hurt… anymore.”

Monoma’s hand found your neck, his touch tentative and gentle at first until his fingers wrapped around you and he started to squeeze.

“You know?” He demanded, his face inching closer towards yours. “If you know how much pain I’m going through, then why the hell are you trying to push me away? Why don’t you ever say you love me back? Why is my angel lying to me?!”

“I’m not,” you squeaked back, pulling on his arm but that only encouraged him to back you up against the wall again.

“I’m going to make you tell me who’s making you say these things to me and then I’m going to have you watch as I strap them to a chair and set them on fire!”

“N-no, Neito,” you choked out as he began to raise you against the wall. The corner of your eyes started to blacken as you stared into the raging blue irises of the crazed blonde.

“I’ve done so much for you, Y/N, and I’ve asked so little in return!” He scoffed at the pathetic, reddened face you were making. You didn’t think you could hold on much longer. “Tell me who it is, Y/N. Tell me who it is or I swear I’ll kill every last warlock, hell, every last caster in this whole goddamn school!”

“Aizawa!” You cried out, noting the shifting black figure across the tower windows.

Monoma blinked, registering who you had named. He was silent for a moment, not noticing the older warlock muttering an incantation behind him.

“Filthy slut,” Monoma finally seethed. “You like older men, then? I bet he gets a kick out of that, taking advantage of something so pure-“ he dropped you to the floor “-so fragile.”

Tears were streaming down your face. You couldn’t manage to look at him and didn’t dare look at Aizawa while he was preparing a spell without Monoma noticing.

“I bet you call him daddy before he makes you choke on his cock, huh?” Monoma grabbed a fistful of your hair, forcing you to look up at him. “Once I rid the world of him, I’ll make you do everything you've done to him to me. I’ll be your daddy then, and you’ll be my dirty. little. princess.” He laughed dryly, yanking your head closer to his crotch. “But why wait until then when I have my pretty angel on her knees all ready for me?”

“That won’t be happening.” Aizawa’s low voice sounded across the room. Before Monoma could even turn, Aizawa muttered something in Latin and your boyfriend’s arms were magically bound together and he fell to his knees beside you.

You grabbed Monoma before he could topple over onto the floor, hugging him tightly, whispering ‘I’m sorry’s’ over and over again. Monoma looked at you incredulously before thrashing around in your embrace as Aizawa approached the two of you.

“Obsessive and violent behavior, attempted assault on a student,” Aizawa sighed. “This is exactly why you don’t screw around with love magic, little witch.”

You wiped at your wet face, looking up to your teacher. “You knew?”

“Of course I did.”

“Then why,” you sniffed, looking apologetically bac to Monoma leering next to you, “why didn’t you do something sooner?”

“We have to from our mistakes by facing the consequences,” he said as if your situation were so simple. A potion vial appeared in his hand. “Now it's time to take care of your mistake. Step back.”

You looked to Monoma who had his lip curled up at your teacher. His eyes flicked to you. “Don’t you dare.”

“I’m sorry,” you whispered before scooching away from the writhing warlock.

“Stay away from me!” Monoma snarled at Aizawa as he got a bit closer.

“You need to drink this,” Aizawa said to him, “it’s going to cure you of your ailments.”

“Lying pig!” Monoma all but screeched at your teacher. It burned you to see him this way. This was all your fault, all your fault. “You just want her for yourself!”

Monoma’s eyes once again found yours as he pleaded, “angel don’t do this to me. You love me right? I love you… tell me you love me baby, just this once— KEEP YOUR HOBO HANDS OFF OF ME!”

Monoma kicked his legs up, nearly knocking the vial out of Aizawa’s hands. Your teacher sighed, “at this rate, it might be better to just knock him out.”

“I dare you to try,” the blonde growled.

“Neito, please,” you silently begged, “this is only going to help you.”

Monoma answered you with feral noises, he was practical foaming at the mouth, being over dramatic and kicking himself away from his threat, even while Aizawa backed off and waited for your go ahead.

“If you do this for me-“ you inhaled, heart beating rapidly against your chest “-I’ll do anything and everything you want.” Though, you were sure that after this, Monoma would want nothing to do with you. “I promise you, Neito, anything.”

Monoma scowled at you. “You promise?” He asked. “Anything?”

Another tear fell to your cheek. You nodded.

He finally let up. He stopped his squirming and Aizawa could finally get close to him. Monoma didn’t fail to warn Aizawa that he was going to “be the end of him,” before Aizawa popped the vial into his mouth, and Monoma drained it dry, all while keeping his glare on you.

Minutes passed. You stayed on the floor, allowing silent tears to roll off your face while Aizawa stood cross armed, watching the motionless Monoma intently. Finally, Monoma groaned, squeezing his eyes shut.

“How are you feeling?” Inquired Aizawa.

“I…” Monoma winced. “My head feels like it’s splitting in half…”

“That’s to be expected.”

Guilt hung on your shoulders. Still, you managed to reach out to Monoma’s legs. His eyes opened, he looked right at you, then down to the floor, crossing his legs closer in to himself.

“You should probably go,” Aizawa said to you.

You never wanted this. You never wanted Monoma to be hurt, never wanted him to be obsessive or possessive, never wanted to feel how did you now. You just wanted him to recognize you so you did something vile to him and now you had to live with your guilt and your shame. Now you had to live with Monoma hating you. And you carried your guilt all the way home, using it to cry yourself to sleep.

~

You didn’t go to school the next day. You would have to face your problems sooner or later but after the night you had, you couldn’t face Monoma or Aizawa or anybody else who would without a doubt know about the heinous act you pulled.

You went into town, trying your hardest to forget about who you were, but whenever you saw a couple holding hands or simply exchanging glances, your heart stung. You managed to split Monoma’s head in half while you simultaneously ripped your heart to shreds. It was what you deserved.

Your legs felt heavy as you crawled into bed. You hardly had enough energy to kick your sheets over your body. You thought you just about drained yourself of all of your tears, but when your head hit the pillow, they came rushing back to you. You could only hide for so long. You were going to have to go to school tomorrow.

Sleep crept its way into your bedroom all the while another force snuck its way in. You were busy having a dream of being forced into a cauldron, when a heavy weight was pushed onto your torso. Your eyes snapped open and you found yourself face to face with Neito Monoma.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” he said, a sickly sweet smile crawling across his face. “You were so still, so… perfect… Did you know you talk when you sleep?”

“Monom-!” Before you could get his full name out, Monoma’s lips locked into yours. He moaned as he kissed you, fingers wrapping around your wrists and bringing them up above your head. He took your breath away, but it wasn’t all that uninvited. You had missed him.

He pulled away, sighing as he took in your flustered physique. His body pressed down harder on you and you were finding your breathing to be a bit strained. He was crushing you.

“I waited for you today,” he mused, peppering kisses down your collarbone. “It seems I’m always waiting for you…”

“What… are you doing here?”

“I’m hurt you even have to ask,” he chuckled sarcastically. “Don’t you remember the promise you made me before making me drink that poison?”

You promised him you’d do anything he wanted. “But the potion was supposed to change you back…”

“It didn’t work,” he said thoughtlessly while his hand slid down to palm you breast.

“W-wait!” You grasped his hand but his merely pushed your arm back down, pulling his knees up to hold your sides tightly.

He glowered down at you. “What I mean to say is, the first potion you slipped me didn’t work.” He smirked. “Do you think that I’m so much of a fool that I couldn’t tell that a drink of mine had been spiked? I was insulted at first, of course, but your actions did give me incentive to pursue you. I’ve always had these feelings for my little angel, and soon, you will too.”

In one swift motion, Monoma held both of your hands back with one of his, while the other pressed glass against your lips. Cold liquid was forced down your throat. Panicking, you swallowed, making Monoma grin and coo, “good girl.”

You coughed when he pulled the vial away from you. He hushed you and kissed your forehead. “Things will be better this way,” he whispered as your body began to shake. “You’ll see me just as I see you. We just have to wait a few minutes.”

Your head spun and it felt like your body was sinking into your bed. Your mind was clouding over and there was nothing you could do about Monoma’s wet, hot, hungry kisses across your body. But in a matter of minutes, just like he said, it wasn’t of any negative concern. Your head, along with your heart, was changing.

“Neito,” you sighed his name and leaned up against your bed.

Monoma placed a tender kiss on your stomach before looking up at you with the most dazzling and brilliant blue eyes. You lifted your hand out to him and he wove his fingers through yours.

“Is my angel ready to make good on her promise?” He asked. You nodded and he grinned, crawling up your bed to level his head with yours. “Then let’s start with one simple request,” he said before brushing his lips against yours.

“Tell me you love me.”

~

TAGS FOR EVERYTHING (NOT SPICY): @ayeputita @yandere-inamorata @dee-madwriter @unboundbnha @rizamendoza808, @rubycubix @smbody-stole-mycar-radio @zellllyyyy @sarcastictextstuck @kpanime @captain-sin-allmight-queen @psionicsnow @wickedlewicked @ghost-of-todoroki @kattariapenn @im-an-adult-sometimes @bnhya @local-senpai @eggpienutbuttercroissant @usernamekate94 @reyvenclaww @hi-ho-and-hello @rubyred-imagines

[mystech-master]

F/GO High School/Modern AU BS

Me and @rex101111 have been talking about a modern/HS AU ft. as many Chaldean servants as possible. Here are the ideas we came up with (I am pretty much cut and pasting our message convo, so this is a mixture of both me and Rex's ideas):

Gil is the douchbag Senior everyone hates but his dad owns the school or whatever so he can do whatever he wants. The only decent person who willingly hangs out with him is his childhood friend Enkidu who's hoping he can un-douch his bro. He has kid Gil as his little brother and Caster Gil as his older bro who both agree that he sucks (Gil is the loser middle child of the family), Caster Gil wonders what Enkidu sees in his shit head brother. "He's too good for you." "Blow it out your ass." "One day he's going to wise up, see how much of a shit you are, and when you're all alone don't come crying to me." Caster Gil is in college studying political science, Kid Gil goes to a fancy boarding school. Archer Gil goofs off and throws parties

Scathach is a swimming class teacher, mainly b/c I recall underwater training being a part of Cu's regiment under her tutelage. People were jealous of the Cus for like two seconds when they find out the swim teacher is their mom, then they see her having them do an extra twenty laps and ignoring when OG Cu starts floating in the water. "CU DIED!" "YOU'RE NOT HUMAN!" while Scathach is like "you have two seconds to stop playing around before I ACTUALLY drown you" and he's back to doing laps.

Yeah with 4-5 Cus (if you count Setanta from Arcade) that is like 5 brothers.

Nightingale as school nurse, she is friends with Asclepius who works at a hospital associated with the school (strictly professional, but the students think otherwise).

Side note, keep in mind you can have multiple servants be the same type of teacher, just for different classes/grades.

King Hassan is the old Religious History teacher. Every one thinks he's older then the rock is the school is made out of. He has a scary face and a scarier voice but most students consider him the most fair and patient teacher in the whole school. He always gets a lot of food gifts before Ramadan form the students. (A few students, such as the Guda twins and Mash, call him gramps.) The other Hassans are his grandkids, like actual grandkids. He's super strict with them because he expects a lot from them. He always praises them when they do well though. He made sure they ALL got into his class and they've been living in fear ever since. They love their grandpa but by Allah they know not to disappoint him. The only one to ever get out of anything is kid Hassan (one of the hundred face). Cursed Arm is oldest, then Asako (the main hundred face), then Serenity.

"I am very disappointed in ALL of you, have you all lost your heads? I swear I-*to kid Hassan*-ah no Habibi not you you're fine here have a candy-*back to the rest*-I KNOW you're better than this!"

VERY traditional guy, Cursed Arm mutters "Oh for God's sake" while doing a pop quiz and King Hassan looms over him and growls, "No Blaspheming In This Class Room"

For the various Artoria/Arturias, I imagined Lancer and Lancer Alter being sisters, so Saber Alter is a cousin. That leaves everyone else to just be sisters with one brother. Mother Lartoria owns a casino and gas her own yacht in reference to the summer event where she became a Ruler. If you want MHX could be a part of the family as a massive fucking Star Wars nerd. MHXX and MHX Alter are her mom and sister (so MHXX is a third sister for the two Lancer Artorias)

For Irisviel, I remember in one of the Nero Fest things that she was called Therapist Iri. Maybe she starts to get into that b/c she wants to help her adoptive son Shirou (instead of a big fire like in Zero it can be an orphanage fire thing, similar situation but a much smaller scale) , so she is the school therapist/psychiatrist. Like Maruki in P5 Royal.

Iskandar died in his 30s, Waver is around his 30s as Lord El Melloi II. The two are old college friends who still hang out and Alexander is Iskandar’s kid.

If you guys want you can see this as the two being gay dads since I know that ship is popular.

Fran had an abusive father before Babbage and Moriarty got involved. In the og story, Frankenstien has a scientific mindset like his creator, here Fran has a talent in the field, but she also hates it b/c it reminds her of him. Like imagine being talented at the thing your abusive parent was good at/known for. Moriarty tried to get it into her that SHE'S the one with the talent, not her college dropout bum of a father, "From you tell me of him Victor couldn't engineer his way out of an argument with a cat, you have a magnificent mind my dear, not letting it flourish to spite him would be a horrible waste...it's your talent, your skill. Not his." He smiles that smile she loves that scares every one but she knows he only smiles like that when he is absolutely convinced of something, "and you can out perform him without breaking a sweat."

Moriarty teaches Fran sign language while Babbage teaches her some engineering.

Jekyll is going for a major in medicine with a minor in law (in the actual irl story Dr. Jekyll was a doctor in medicine and law).

For science associated servants, you got da Vinci, Babbage, Edison, and Tesla as possible science teachers.

The Jeanne sisters. Without the Avenger BS, the reason Jalter (or Joan as one series of fics calls her) could hate her here is just inferiority complex and being compared to her perfect saint big sister all her life. Joan does have her talents, based on the summer event an, but again she doesn't acknowledge her own talent b/c of her always being compared to her older sister., in the 7 counterfeit events she is a really good artist. And it is the typical thing of Jeanne actually being scared out of her wits of being less than perfect because of all the expectations thrust on her. She gets one A- and runs to the bathroom crying and Joan has to swallow her pride and actually have a conversation with her sister for the first time in years. Jeanne Alter lily puts up Christmas decorations super early, much to Jeanne Alter/Joan's displeasure.

"IT JUST TURNED NOVEMBER CHILL TF OUT!"

"CHRISTMAS!"

Martha is Jeanne's BF since middle school and has this HUGE dog that scares everyone and growls at anyone expect Martha and Jeanne. She calls him Terry.

Rex loves Penthesilea. and we talked at length about the situation between her and Achilles. Can you not tell that he likes a woman who can kick his ass *gestures to all of his Baiken posts*

Rex's idea: I think they had a fight when they were little and Achilles, being a little shit back then, made fun of her for being a girl, and Penth has been sore about it ever since. She keeps running into big misogynistic meatheads that reminded her of that and she just got angrier over the years. She's a wrestler and can knock out just about every dude in school by herself. Achilles is very regretful about back then and wants to apologize but Penth ain't having any of it.

My idea: I thought they were on opposing HS sports teams and when Achilles handed her ass to her he forgot to drink his respect women juice and then Penth got all pissed.

In this AU, Penth and Hippolyta's dad was a general who taught them how to kick the ass of men twice their size since they were seven or something.

Penth surprises everyone when a festival comes up and she gets picked to be the one to organize everything...and does a spectacular job. Another surprise is that she plans on being a business major when she goes to college (Obligatory Amazoness CEO jokes)

Bedivere is the Arturia Pendragon family butler with a prosthetic arm. He's also the security guard, last guy that tried to steal something or cause trouble got slapped right out of the window he sneaked in from.

Francis Drake and Artoria Alter Lancer are work friends (referencing them both being associated with the Wild Hunt in F/GO's lore).

Beni-Enma is the short and shorter tempered lunch lady, last kid who mouthed off at her during lunch got smacked upside the head with her spoon. She's sweet, but if you're in detention and have to help her in the kitchen she's a mini Gorden Ramsey, "IT'S RAW DECHI!!!" She can also come into the home EC class where Shirou is her best student. Also her roasting of the other girls like in her quest. Getting Fs in Beni's class is the worst, because it isn't just an F, it's a meticulous dressing down of exactly why letting into a kitchen should be considered a war crime, dechi.

The three Avenger Nobus are three different people. 1st Ascension is basically Archer Nobu, then you got Oda Kipposhi, and then the mom is Ascension 3 with Demon King Nobunaga. The youngest Ascension 1 Nobu is a musician. Demon King Nobu is one of those "super scary but also super polite people that only makes them scarier" type, basically a female koei Nobunaga from samurai warriors (check out some cutscenes form the games with him, he's a treat).

Imagine Demon King Nobu mom in a business suit.

Suzuka Gozen and Sei Shonagon are the textaholics who always talk in slang to the point of it sounding like they speak a different language. Murasaki is the librarian but Sei is like that ONE student who just makes her job so much harder.

Every week it's "No phones in the library Miss Shonagon." while Sei rolls her eyes and types out twitter post like "fugly ol librarian at my school needs a life lol"

Oui Katsushika is a gifted art student, and her dad (not a floating little octopus), is just a normal dude with a squid/octopus like beard. She's the teacher's pet in De Vinci's art class.

Eresh and Ishtar come from a rich family, Ereshkigal is the older sister so she had a shit load of responsibility to take over the family business while Ishtar basically gets to party her life away. Rin is the cousin they each try and swing their way. Eresh wants Rin to keep up her studies and get into a good university, Ishtar wants Rin to loosen the fuck up and admit that she likes that scrawny Emiya kid already.

BB is the host of a talk show downtown so she is kind of an absentee mom. Meltryllis has prosthetic legs that she specifically asked to be made into stilts b/c she wanted to be taller, and Passonlip has a massive rack that makes life difficult (either people staring, people assuming she's gonna be a home wrecker b/c said staring must be intentional, etc.), and of course he also has prosthetic arms to match her canon claws, obviously not as massive.

Hijikata is a very serious police officer but his wife Carmilla just uses this to have fun in the bedroom. They have two Dobermans. Hijikata's route has him patrolling near the school so most of the kids know as that scary police dude that has a picture of his wife in his pocket. One day a famous Idol called Eli-chan~ (yes spelled with the ~) is about to perform in the town and the kids can't stop talking about her, so Hijikata overhears. But, being the serious dude he is he shrugs it off until he sees a picture of this "Eli-chan~" and realizes it's his sister-in-law that came to visit and suddenly the influx of parasitic paparazzi near his house start making sense.

Carmilla: "Now you see why I hate them?", Hijikata: "No you cannot send the dogs after them honey."

She almost ran one of them over in her, very expensive, car and when that reporter says she should be locked up Hijikata corrects that would only happen if she had hit him...and she would be fined. For littering.

Okita Alter being Hijikata's partner, while Okita is her younger sister who's looked up to Hijikata since she was a little kid but she has asthma and such so she's afraid she might not get accepted.

Sigurd owns a metalworks shop (referencing his myth where he was raised by the dwarf Reginn), he met his wife Brynhildr when she was disowned by her overly controlling father.

Ozymandias, Nitocris, and Cleopatra are all the high board members of a company. Nitocris specifically got wind of Scheherazade's abusive husband situation and after getting said husband arrested, she offered Scheherazade a job.

Atalanta is a college student/TA who worked with Achilles' dad who ends up at their HS for a program or something, Achilles' dad has told him a lot about her.

Amakusa Shirou is an uncle married to the CEO of Babylon Gardens Pharmaceuticals, Semiramis. Semiramis herself is kinda chill if REALLY scary. She had to be pretty cutthroat to get to her position in the company, but Amakusa Shirou helped her mellow out, but she is still a massive tsundere.

"You know you COULD poison their lunch." "Semi, dear, I'm not going to poison my coworker's sandwich for being an ass." "It wouldn't kill them! Just a bit in their peanut better and they'll be stuck on the toilet for a week, no harm no foul."

Rex initially said Taiga would be an overly enthusiastic gym teacher but then I remembered that she was a homeroom/English teacher in Fate canon, but either or can do if you wanna be unique.

For Quetzalcoatl, Wrestling club supervisor when she isn't the senior year gym teacher. Some of the male students laughed that they didn't think a woman would know anything about wrestling. Two piledrives later, the students have earned a new appreciation for the importance on how not to be two pieces of shit. She's big on Lucha as in canon and during Halloween she gets JAGUARMAN to have an exhibition fight with her. They make a show of it but later on Taiga admits that Quatz could have CRUSHED her if they were actually fighting. She takes the wrestling club out for homemade Mexican food after tournaments

For Siduri, there's a bunch of rumors she's dating Caster Gil but it's strictly professional, Caster respects her too much to consider that. Archer Gil hits on her relentlessly, she manages to wound his ego more severely then anyone else simply by being unfailingly polite in her rejections and treating him like what he is, a teenage punk jumping higher than he can handle to land.

Ibaraki is Shuten's adoptive little sister after she was taken from an abusive mother, hence why Ibaraki looks up to her. Ibuki is either Shuten's big sister who had to take on a guardian role, or just her mom. Shuten and Ibuki have a bit of a strained relationship because Shuten saw the way Ibuki acted as they grew up, taking more and more responsibilities onto herself and refusing any distractions. And she decided that her biggest nightmare is to wake up one morning and realize she's turned into Ibuki so she tries to do everything to avoid that, hence their relationship not being the best. Ibaraki is kinda stuck in the middle because she wants to side with Shuten but she sees where Ibuki is coming from. Messy.

Caren is still Kotomine’s daughter, but he isn’t a good dad and in rebellion she sleeps around despite being a woman of god. Including sleeping with local punk Angra Mainyu. Angra Mainyu seems like a bad guy but he has a shit load of issues due to being blamed for everything going wrong in his old town, eventually coming to believe them and thinking he will cause nothing but problems. Caren banging him gives him a type of closeness he’s never felt, but under very warped circumstances.

For the Tamamo family, Vitch totally fucked her way up a corporate ladder or something, imagined Tamamo Cat working at a Cat Cafe if she were a Student. Tamamo no Mae accidentally fed her prev BF a food he was allergic too, and that kind of haunted her and scared her rep. IDK basically she seriously fucked up a previous relationship, either on purpose or accidentally, and that kind of hurts her deeply so she wants to start over with Hakuno.

Nero and Tamamo no Mae are rivals over this one guy.

Kiichi Hougen is the adoptive mom, Benkei is the family friend/uncle, Taira is Ushiwaka's older sister. Taira isn't on the best of terms with her family, some drama way back caused a rift and nowadays Ushi is the only one who's willing to talk to her and visit. Benkei never lets her go alone because he doesn't trust Taira one bit. Taira and Ushiwaka are Kintoki and Tomoe's cousins (I say Tomoe b/c apparently her husband and Ushiwaka were half cousins, with their grandpa having kids with their grandmas. I tried to make a whole family tree out of a few servants).

These are the ideas we had the most to talk about, if you guys have any suggestions for your fav servants in this AU, let either me or Rex know. Or just reblog and say them here. Who knows maybe you have a much better idea for a Servant we already mentioned.

[rekkkkkkaaaaaaa]

Guys, I am still not a writer, therefore expect there to be ooc stuff

EBG Punishment Fic!

-------

"I never agreed to this."

"Not that you had any choice, dearest Swordtails."

To think that she'd dug her own grave because her self-control of making puns was so, so puny, just like herself... Jade couldn't tell if he was amused or disappointed.

After losing this... Little game she was participating, it reached to his ears that Rekka's punishment was to get married to him.

Not your average marriage though...

Currently, in an empty room, the small human was tied in a chair after being ambushed on her way back to the Ignihyde dorm.

She probably shouldn't have lost on purpose.

"Ehe~ Swordtails-chan suggested the rules and dug her own grave~ How stupid~" The other Leech twin laughed gleefully as he rested his elbow on her head.

"Er... W-why am I here as well...?" Tied up as well, the dorm head of Ignihyde was on the other chair, just ahead of Rekka. Being suddenly kidnapped like this was less than ideal, and not to mention he needed to get that character from the gacha as he didn't have many hours left.

"Fufu~ You see, we need someone to present dear swordtails' family." Jade let out a low chuckle. "I figured that as her dorm head, you should definitely participate."

"E... Eek...?"

"Er... Are we still waiting for someone?" Rekka questioned, looking up at Jade. The more she stayed her, the more she felt her soul leaving her body. Saying that she was nervous was a understatement, marriage was something SERIOUS!

"Fufu... Apologies for my tardiness..."

And there he is, the priest of the hour, Azul Ashengrotto walked into the scene. Rekka couldn't help but to notice that the dorm head had a rather amused expression for this literal cursed marriage.

"Do not worry, we were patiently waiting for our priest, isn't that right, little swordtails?" Jade smiled as he looked down at the tied girl, who only sighed in response.

"Imagine having a say in this..." Idia murmured to himself, his expression gloomy.

"Now then. Shall we get started?" Azul questioned as he fixed his glasses, looking at the two soon-to-be married.

"No-"

"Yes."

"Excellent." Azul smiled, ignoring Rekka's protests. "Now, if you please..."

Understanding what the octopus meant, Jade then bend down before carefully taking off one of Rekka's shoes...

... Have I mentioned that this is FOOT marriage?

"W-wait! Can the socks stay on?" The girl immediately spoke up when one of her shoes was taken off. "I-If not, then please just take off my right sock!"

"Ehh? What's wrong with your left feet?" Floyd questioned instead, frowning due to the fun being slightly taken away.

"Ah, er..."

Floyd then grinned, revealing his sharp teeth. "Well~ Not that you have a say anyways. I say we take it off too!"

"Now, hold on Floyd." The more composed of the eels interjected, slowly taking off the right sock. "We mustn't make the bride uncomfortable..."

"Even after what Swordtails-chan did to you~?"

"... Fufu...Well, I have something else in mind."

And there it is, Jade's smug grin at its finest, revealed as he eyed his prey. After he was done removing the shoe and the sock, he did the same to his.

Now, the two soon to be wed sat on their respective chairs, facing each other, their bare feet touching. As everything seemed to be ready, Azul announced.

"Gentlemen, today we are gathered here to witness the union of Rekka-san and Jade's feet--"

"Ew." Idia cringed at the very idea of foot marriage.

"-- the affection they have for each other is clear--"

"They've touched before...?!"

"--their bond, undeniable--"

"Can I leave now?"

"Idia-san, please, stay silent." Azul sighed as he shook his head. "... Now, the bride, if you may... The vows, please."

With that, everyone's attention was on the bride, who didn't say anything for the first few seconds, until...

"... Can I reach my pocket first?"

"Hm? What for?" Azul was the first to interrogate her.

"... The vows. I don't have the best memory and I can't improvise."

Ah.

"There you go, Swordtails-chan~" Floyd hummed after pickpocketing the girl, handing her the piece of paper.

"Thanks, I guess."

Now with her note placed on her lap, she took a quick look. Silently wording the words within a short amount of time, she then coughed.

"... Dear Jade, er..." Rekka started to read, her eyes not leaving the paper. "To have our feet married like this... Quite the feet, don't you agree?"

No reaction. None, nothing, nein, rien, nada.

"... Er...? Your feet is bigger than mine?" Rekka said that out loud, although she sounded unsure. "And I appreciate it a lot? I do hope that yours can warm mine whenever I whine about how cold mine are. I do love you as a whole, however. Not just the feet--"

"Gross--"

"And with that, I hope that we can make a step closer to our future together."

"... Wow, that was short and boring." Floyd whined, pouting as he crossed his arms.

"I am fully aware of that, Floyd."

"Fufu, now, I believe it's my turn." Jade mused, his smile remained on his face even hearing all of that disappointment.

"Dearest Swordtails, despite the shoe you've given me by trying to ignore my presence--"

"Was that a pun...?!" Idia gasped from his own seat, cringing again.

"-- That doesn't change the fact that your feet are small and adorable. I adore them."

Rekka was internally throwing up at this. Jade was sounding just too sweet, and he knows what buttons to push in order to make her suffer.

"I have wished to touch them for some time... To help you wear a heel whenever we get to play dress up... To massage them whenever they hurt... To warm them whenever they're freezing..."

"Those are the little things that are feeting for me, who wishes to take care for their significant other."

"Now, sweet, little Swordtails. May I ask for your feet for toeday's union?"

'... Why did he make more puns than me...?!' was all what the girl had in mind, her cheeks feeling slightly warmer.

"With the vows done, Rekka-san, will your feet marry Jade Leech's feet?"

"... Or."

"... That's a yes." Idia commented again, in which Azul nodded in agreement as he smiled slyly.

"Jade, will your feet marry Rekka-san's feet?"

"Of course."

"You may step into the future now."

"Awesome! Are we done?" Rekka blurted out as she sighed in desperation.

"Ehe~? Swordtails-chan seems eager to leave...~" Floyd giggled, his mismatched eyes staring down at the bride.

"Now, now. I believe it's time for honeymoon." Jade pointed out, his smile growing before turning to everyone else, and approached Ignihyde's dorm leader, untying him from his chair. "You may leave now, thank you for participating in our wedding."

Without even looking back, Idia simply disappeared in a flash, not even stopping when his fellow dorm member called out from him. After that, both Azul and Floyd left.

"Now, my little Swordtails..." The eel hummed as his attention was fully on the girl, his teeth showing up when he revealed his grin.

"What should we do to celebrate this union?"

~.~. ~

[In the end, the two played monopoly, with Rekka losing again due to a "lucky" card]

[ao3bronte]

🐞Little Lady Paws🐾

0 | 1 | 2

Ladybug gets into a "hairy" predicament when an akuma capture goes wrong.

A collaboration between @ao3bronte​ and @yamina20-blog​ 💕

“Remind me why you thought this was a good idea?”

Surrounded by animals, Chat Noir lands gingerly on the top of a light post and scowls spectacularly, having just peeled himself off the sod in the park across from Sacré-Coeur. This isn’t their first animal themed akuma and it certainly won’t be their last, judging by the increasing frequency of angry protesters flooding the streets of Paris; there’s always something to protest it seems, and Le Papillon was having an absolute field day targeting them all.

Today’s protest themed akuma of the hour? FrankenFur!

“Hey!” Chat rubs at the grass stain on his belly as a panicked giraffe goes running by and sticks his tongue out at the akumatised monster who’d just tossed him like a Frisbee halfway across Marcel-Bleustein-Blanchet Square, “This wasn’t my idea, this was your idea!”

Ladybug throws her hands into the air, “You led it over here!”

The monster, dressed in a pseudo animal activist uniform and spouting endangered animal facts to all who would listen, throws another magic smoke bomb at a group of unsuspecting visitors, “There are too many tourists at the front of the Basilica! There’s less chance for collateral here and besides, we weren’t getting anywhere anyway. We still don’t know what the object is!”

The smoke clears to reveal a family of farm animals lying on the ground and Ladybug swoops to get out of the way of the panicking herd, landing on a tree branch, “Could it be in the protest sign it’s holding?”

Chat flexes his hand and spins his baton in his other, steadying himself, “It’s worth a shot.”

Ladybug calls for her Lucky Charm and immediately notices the strings of fairy lights hanging atop the pergola the akumatised protester is standing upon as well as the sewer grate embedded in the concrete directly across from it. Dodging a flock of ducks, Ladybug catches a red and black polka dot crowbar and swings it between her fingers, “Chat, try and tangle it up in the string of lights over there.”

Chat follows her gaze and nods once, leaping from the lamp post to the tree tops. Meanwhile, Ladybug runs over to the sewer grate and lodges the business end of the crowbar beneath the steel lip, quickly prying it open.

“AhhhAAAAGHH!”

Ladybug peers into the puddle of rainwater in the divot by the grate and uses its reflection to watch as Chat expertly dislodges the fairy lights and drops them unceremoniously onto the akumatised monster. The creature screams as it tangles itself in the mass of wire and glass and tosses its limbs every which way like a deranged octopus, howling curses at the top of its lungs.

Amongst all of the chaos, Ladybug launches her yoyo and wraps it around the monster’s legs, unbalancing its already lopsided stance. Chat sees where she’s going with this and drop kicks the creature in the back just as Ladybug yanks the string, causing the akuma to topple forward towards the manhole, and with another well timed feat of synchronised backflip ingenuity, the dynamic Cat and Bug duo have the monster falling headfirst into the hole and Ladybug is certain she’s got the protest sign in her sights—

“LADYBUG!”

She looks up and feels time slow to a crawl, watching as the akumatised monster uses the very limited range of motion it has in its arm to launch one last grenade at her face. Ladybug can’t move, not really, not when one arm is reaching for the sign and the other is wrapped up with her yoyo and—

It feels a little like falling into a giant tub of Perrier, the tingling sensations on her skin almost overwhelming. There’s static in her ears and panic in her heart as she closes her eyes and holds her breath against the onslaught of colours and shapes swirling passed her eyelids, a cacophony of noise so loud she can hardly stand it. She reaches up to cover her ears but there’s no moving in this strange purgatory as the world falls out from under her, shoving her to the cobbles with a thud that jars her bones. She tries to cry out but there’s no sound save for the high pitched squeak coming out of her throat like a siren, and it occurs to her suddenly that something has gone very very wrong.

She opens her eyes.

The world is suddenly a lot larger than it was before.

HELP!

“CATACLYSME!”

Ladybug looks up just in time to see her gigantic, skyscraper of a partner disintegrate the sign with his fingers and backhand the monster into the manhole, reaching down with his monstrous hand to pick up her yoyo. Ladybug shrieks insistently as he slips his finger through the loop and tosses it at the fluttering black and purple butterfly, quickly capturing the cursed insect in his grasp. He calls the yoyo back and stares at it for several moments before bending down into a crouch, holding it out for her to see.

“Ladybug? What do I do now?”

Throw the crowbar up into the air and say Miraculous Ladybug!

Chat gulps, “I have no idea what you’re saying.”

Ladybug looks down at her tiny paws and does a double take, What AM I?

“Now that I could understand,” Chat says, reaching out with his other hand. She gives him what she hopes is a truly devastating stink eye and rears up onto her hind legs with a particularly petulant squeak, “You’re a hamster.”

A HAMSTER?! Ladybug’s jaw drops and her paws are on her face immediately, patting every part of her she can reach. She’s got whiskers! And huge front teeth! And fur! Fur everywhere! Why am I a HAMSTER?!

Chat has the gall to laugh, “Oh my god, you are so adorable.”

I AM NOT!

“Come on, get on my hand before someone steps on you.”

NO!

Chat places his open palm on the ground and beckons her forwards with his fingers, “There’s like, three elephants over there and the last thing we need is for you to get squashed.”

Indignant, Ladybug tries for several humiliating moments to cross her arms and finds herself entirely at a loss. She glares at his outstretched hand with contempt for almost as long before finally giving in and marching over, determined to stay on her hind legs like any self respecting human should. She gets a good look at her body then, the soft tuft of white fur covering her belly and her tiny hind paws. How the heck was she supposed to purify the city as a hamster?!

Momentarily distracted, Ladybug stumbles over one of Chat’s claws and falls onto all fours as the ground disappears beneath her, HEY!  

Smiling indulgently at her little squeaks of horror, Chat brings her to eye level, “Thank you. Now, should I just throw this in the air and say Miraculous Ladybug?”

Ladybug nods in earnest, chirping as she mimes the movement with her paws. Chat tries his hardest to suppress his giggles and turns his attention back to the crowbar in his hands.

“Here goes nothing. Miraculous Ladybug!”

Ladybug tracks the crowbar with her eyes and watches as it falls back into his hand, still as spotted and corporeal as it was before. She tugs on his thumb and gestures for him to try again.

“Miraculous Ladybug!” he yells with gusto, tossing it yet again into the sky. When it falls back down in front of him, Ladybug realises with an awful sense of dread that she is very much screwed, “Ladybug? I think we have a problem.”

No kidding! She tugs on her whiskers and rubs her eyes, What are we going to do?

Chat sighs, “I guess we can’t purify the city like this. We’ll need to go see Master Fu.”

Ladybug nods vigorously and chatters as Chat clips her yoyo onto his belt and glances away as a flock of ostriches run across the square, “And quickly! This is otter pandamonium!”

Chat Noir’s laughter at his own puns turns to howls as Ladybug bites down on his index finger with all the prim resentfulness she can muster; she may have been turned into a hamster, but at least some things would never change.

To be continued...

[artificialqueens]

Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor, 1 (Branjie) (and background everyone) - Ortega

a/n: hey everyone! no ur not getting deja vu, i’m reposting what i have of this fic again just with a few necessary adjustments if u kwam. rip all my notes and lovely comments as i’m going to have chapter 1 deleted after this for obvious reasons, so feel free to still leave me some luv bc i’m ngl, re-jigging two fics is taking it out of me asdfghjklkjhgfds. without further ado may i now present to you strictly au 2: electric boogaloo xo

(this one goes out to the anon who wanted radio 1 DJ Heidi Nina Closet xo)

fic summary: Strictly Come Dancing enters its 18th series and its producers, after being goaded by a rival dance show on its inclusivity, commission it to be an all-female cast. Unlike Akeria who’s just here to bone her potential dance partner, dancer Vanessa is ready to act like a professional.

And then TV presenter Brooke Lynn walks into the rehearsal room.

***

8th August 2020

Political correctness gone mad. Or at least, that’s what all the straight, white, 50 year old men have been tweeting. But the TV bosses thought that a same-sex version of the nation’s favourite dancing show would pull the viewers in, at least get some hype going like the good old days. The show’s been going since 2004, Vanessa thinks, as she rolls her neck and looks at the various alleged celebrities opposite them. This is what caused the death of the X Factor, all these sensationalist spin-offs, and now they’re doing the same with this one. She supposes the BBC were intimidated by Dancing on Ice, who had a single solitary same-sex couple on their show and were called out live by H from Steps. How humiliating. She’s only been part of the show for two years; this is her third, but her first one with a partner. She scans her eyes back down the line again, her gaze interrupted as Akeria whispers to her.

“Who you gunning for? I like that goddess, third from the right. Dark hair, dark eyes, dark skin. Shit, our babies would be beautiful.”

Vanessa pauses, looks at who Akeria’s talking about and snorts a laugh. “Keeks, that’s Asia O'Hara. The chef? She’s been on Saturday Kitchen a couple times.”

“You actually watch that shit?” Akeria side-eyed her.

“Hey, drop the judgemental tone, bitch! It’s easy, chilled-out Saturday morning viewing. Anyway, chefs? Nah. Two left feet and they stomp their way across the dancefloor.”

“It ain’t the dancefloor I’m worried about. I’m more interested in what’s going on in the bedroom,” Akeria wiggles her eyebrows, making Vanessa snort a laugh. Seeing her friend’s expression of disbelief, Akeria rolls her eyes. “Oh, come on, Vanj. You telling me you never thought about it? A lil’ steamy affair? Get the Daily Mail’s tongues wagging?”

“Shut the hell up. You’re awful,” Vanessa laughs long-sufferingly in reply, casts her eyes back down the line of celebrities. Scarlet Envy is at the top- Vanessa knows her, she’s in one of the big soap operas. She’s talking quite earnestly to Yvie Oddly. Vanessa is aware of Yvie only because her niece is obsessed with her Youtube channel. What is it she does again? Gaming walkthroughs? She can’t remember. There’s a tall newsreader with dark hair that Vanessa doesn’t remember the name of but she knows that Jan’s eyeing her up from across the room, so even if she ends up being half-decent and Vanessa gets on well with her Jan will still cut her to make sure she ends up with her as a partner. There’s a black girl with a mane of dark hair and a gap tooth chatting to a blonde woman with glittery makeup, some pretty girls that must be influencers or makeup artists or something (in fact, Vanessa definitely recognises one from Love Island), and Monet X Change. Vanessa definitely knows her, and she’s quite surprised the show managed to net Monet given that most of the singers that appear on the show are usually washed up talent show rejects. Vanessa’s seen some clips of her touring, she knows she’s a good dancer. Maybe she’d be good.

Vanessa takes one final sweep down the line as she sees the producers readying themselves to begin. One, two, three, four…hang on. There’s only eleven celebrities, and unless she’s suddenly lost the ability to count Vanessa knows there’s twelve dancers. Maybe they were going to be more cutthroat than she thought, maybe this would be where they decide which dancers they’re giving partners to and which one they’re cutting. Vanessa nervously shifts in her character shoes as the producers begin their welcome.

As they’re talking, the huge rehearsal room doors burst open and a tall blonde comes rushing through them, dressed in white trainers, a baggy white gym top, and black Nike leggings. She looks on her way to be sweating half of her perfectly made up face off as she runs over to join the other celebrities, sweeping her long, curling-ironed hair up into a bun and apologising frantically as she does so.

“Kiki,” Vanessa whispers to her friend. “Who’s that?”

She feels Akeria shrug beside her. Luckily Monique is standing by her right side and has heard her question.

“Oh, bitch! That’s Brooke Lynn. She presents stuff.”

“What the fuck’s stuff?” Vanessa laughs quietly, not wanting to incur the wrath of the producers by talking over them.

“She did, uh…The Voice. An’ she did some kind of consumer show in the evenings. She does The One Show now. Bunch of boring ass shit, basically,” Monique waves a hand dismissively towards the end, gets distracted by a wink and a small wave across the room from Monet X Change.

“Damn. So they give her all the boring shows to present because they know people will tune in ‘cause she’s hot?” Vanessa muses. It’s just a fact, after all. She’s not been able to tear her eyes away from her since she rushed into the room. Vanessa hopes she’s a good dancer.

“Oop. Here we go already. The Strictly curse claims its first victim,” Akeria overhears her, sticks her tongue out at her as Vanessa bats her on the arm. The sudden movement causes one of the producers to whip round and glare at Vanessa and she immediately drops her arm and fixes him with an easy smile.

When she looks back at Brooke Lynn, she’s hiding her mouth with her hand and her eyes are twinkling at her in a laugh. Vanessa presses her lips together to keep from smiling back.

They all warm up together, even though Vanessa’s already warmed up, but it’s a good chance to see who has potential and who looks more like an octopus out of water with half its limbs cut off. She scans the mirrored wall as she rolls her shoulders in time with the EDM that’s blasting from the speakers. The blonde influencer-looking girl is fucked from the start, Vanessa notes. She’s rolling her shoulders both the wrong way and off-beat. One of the celebrities, the pouty one from Love Island, is already complaining that she’s pulled a muscle. Vanessa makes the executive decision that if she gets partnered up with her then she’s quitting the show and also possibly going on a killing spree in Elstree Studios.

Brooke Lynn hasn’t met her eyes since they caught each others’ earlier. She’s not being weird, it’s just an observation. Vanessa’s, however, have drifted her way a couple of times. Brooke seems to be sailing through the warmup that Jaida’s leading easily, and Vanessa notes how easily she’s managing the split stretches, how she can bend her body almost in half until her head touches the floor. She’s clearly had some sort of dance training before, and Vanessa thinks her good looks would just be a bonus of being partnered with her. She sweeps her gaze across the room again as she stretches out her other leg, her gaze landing on Yvie. She’s bendy, her forehead pressed to the floor as she stretches out and giggles at Scarlet beside her whose body appears to be made almost entirely of cardboard. Vanessa stifles a giggle herself as Jaida starts leading them in squats, hears Monique muttering something to her as she drops to the floor. Vanessa fixes her with a confused face.

“Think you’ve got an admirer,” Monique repeats a little louder, raising her eyebrows and jerking her head behind them to where the celebrities warmed up. Vanessa brings herself up out of the squat, whips her head round to see Brooke looking right at her.

Or rather, her ass.

As Brooke suddenly looks at about six different places in the room in the space of a second and her face turns roughly the same colour as a fire engine, Vanessa turns her head back round, trying to ignore the heat she can feel attacking her own face.

It’s kind of ironic that every year at least one couple is claimed by the Strictly curse and yet the producers still call the process of finding a potential partner “Speed Dating”. The curse is a phenomenon that Vanessa has felt the brunt of and knows all too well- a partner and a contestant, almost every year, end up either falling for each other or falling into bed with each other. It’s natural, she supposes- you can’t spend practically every waking moment of every day pressed up against someone else and not trip and fall onto their dick. However, this is a room full of girls, at least half of whom Vanessa knows are gay as all hell, and maybe this year there’ll be a bit more nuance and obliviousness and just general all-round idiocy.

Looking at the celebrities, she sees Scarlet joke-grinding against Yvie, both of them almost falling over laughing. Maybe everyone will be a little less oblivious than Vanessa has given them credit for.

One of the producers launches into a spiel about how the pairing up process will work. Everyone knows they won’t get properly paired up until the launch show, but this will be more of a chemistry test than a dancing test, he explains, to see who gets on with each other best. Then at the end, all of them will get to write down their top three potential partners.

“After all,” he laughs, “You’re going to be spending a long time together!”

There’s a polite bubble of laughter that pops in the room, and Vanessa feels her stomach explode suddenly with butterflies. What if she gets paired up with someone she doesn’t get on well with at all, never mind someone who can dance? Her mind drifts. Phi Phi’s standing beside her, her face set in a small frown. Vanessa whispers to her.

“Who you got your eyes on?”

Phi Phi doesn’t shift her gaze, and Vanessa follows it. Her gaze lands on the woman with the glittery makeup who’s laughing like a seal at something that gap tooth girl has said and isn’t paying any attention to what the producers are saying. “Anyone with a pulse who’s taking the competition seriously. I know who I don’t want, put it that way.”

Vanessa indulges her in a laugh. Phi Phi has reached the semi-final four times and has never advanced further, and her frustration is starting to show. Vanessa supposes she’s at an advantage here- she’s fresh on the show, she doesn’t have any chips on her shoulder. As she looks around the room, she can see each of the dancers’ past experiences reflected on their faces like battle scars: four-time World Championship finalist Courtney is smiling easily, happy in the knowledge that she won last year and will probably get a dud partner this year, Shea, former West End Choreographer who could literally get given Theresa May and still manage to advance to the finals has a calm exterior, and frowning determinedly is 2018 Latin European champion Vixen, who bowed out early last year with her partner and has expressed very openly and very loudly to everyone who’ll hear her that she’s going for the glitterball this year. In a similar boat is World Cup Freestyle Latin Champion Aja, who was up against Courtney in the finals last year and lost by only a tiny margin of the vote. The girl doesn’t seem bitter, but she’s already got her eyes trained on Monet and has clearly backed her winner already. Crystal is lost in a daydream, classic. To the untrained eye the girl may look as if she couldn’t even do the macarena in time, but the girls know better. Crystal is hard-working, determined, creative, clever, and one of the highest-ranking ballroom and Latin dancers in the country. Vanessa knows that whoever she gets as a partner she’ll be able to mold into something amazing.

Vanessa’s gaze then lands on Plastique. The girl is a fierce dancer and it’s her fifth year on the show already. If she’s nervous, she doesn’t show it. Then again, she trained under Alyssa Edwards so she’s very possibly not felt butterflies in her stomach since the year 2012. Vanessa’s eyes widen a bit as she notices Plastique eyeing up Brooke. She’s going to need to turn up the charm all the way to 100, as Plastique’s reputation precedes her and she’ll be top choice for a lot of the girls opposite.

One by one, the dancers introduce themselves. Vanessa keeps her introduction short and sweet. She doesn’t like to brag about her titles unlike some of the other girls, and she knows that her achievements are outshone by many so she focuses on the fact it’s her first year with a partner instead.

“I ain’t got a track record like Courtney, but I also ain’t got one like Monique either,” Vanessa jokes, her friend nudging her and shouting in protest as the other girls laugh. Monique takes it in good humour though- she’s been an early out for a few years in a row having kept landing Olympic sportsmen with limbs like toy soldiers, so it’s a fair enough comment. Vanessa continues, trying not to let her eyes land on Brooke all that much. “So whoever gets paired with me don’t need to be worried ‘cuz they’re gonna always end up being special to me. My first partner on the show, and the first person I get to experience it with. And I’d be happy to get any of you, because you all look nice and smiley an’ friendly!”

She adds in that last bit to come across as gracious, and it seems to work as the celebrities opposite all smile at her gently and she hears a couple of “aaw!”s thrown her way. She can practically feel Phi Phi, Aja and Vixen all roll their eyes at her, but she doesn’t care. It’s a point in her favour with the girls opposite at least.

After the professionals have all said their piece, the celebrities pipe up. To give them their dues, there are quite a few that Vanessa would be glad to be partnered up with. Peppermint, a TV journalist, seems like she’d be great to gossip with if nothing else, Gigi, the once so intimidating-looking model has got a goofy side that would keep Vanessa sane in rehearsals, and Instagram influencer Blair seems similarly sweet and is so eager to please that it almost hurts. Then Brooke steps forward, her expression the serene calm of a woman who’s used to speaking in front of an audience, and all Vanessa can think about is how much of a point that confident, in-control body language would be in their favour when they took to the floor in week one.

No, not when. If. She’s getting ahead of herself.

“Hey everyone! I’m Brooke Lynn Hytes, uh, I present stuff. I’m basically like Ant and Dec but without the loveable double-act element and the millions of national TV awards clogging up my trophy cabinets and gathering dust.”

Vanessa lets out a snort. The actual joke isn’t even that funny, but Brooke’s delivery was so deadpan and matter of fact that it made the whole thing ten times more hilarious. Akeria turns to face Vanessa, raises her eyebrows and hisses over to her.

“Girl. Any further up her ass and your new nickname is gonna be suppository for the rest of the season.”

“Uh, dance-experience-wise I actually have a fair bit. I did exams and dance shows in high school. I don’t know if I should’ve mentioned that, now you’re all gonna be fighting over me like a pack of zombies,” Brooke laughs. The other girls join in with the laughter and Vanessa shifts from foot to foot. Brooke doesn’t know how accurate she’s just been. Oblivious, she carries on. “So yeah! Good luck to us all. Please don’t tear me limb from limb.”

Another laugh that Vanessa joins in weakly with. Unsurprisingly, Brooke introducing herself to the room has done nothing for Vanessa’s nerves. She has a favourite now, but it’s akin to putting money on a greyhound race- it’s a complete gamble. She tells herself that she can’t pin her hopes on getting partnered with Brooke, even though that thought is a bit like locking a stable door after the pony’s bolted, or whatever the goddamn figure of speech is. As gap-in-teeth-girl who’s standing beside Brooke begins to introduce herself (Heidi’s a Radio 1 DJ, and that explains why her voice sounds so familiar) Vanessa jumps a little as she hears Monique whisper to her out of nowhere.

“Girl, Jesus. Dare you to be less obvious.”

Vanessa narrows her eyes at her as she turns her head. “What?”

“Brooke Lynn,” Monique cocks her head towards the girl in question. Vanessa keeps her gaze steely. “Put your tongue back in your mouth, sis.”

“Oh, like you’ve not got a favourite already,” Vanessa whispers back. She’s got the Monet card she can use if she wants to.

“You know you don’t have to take that partner thing literally, right? You don’t actually have to fuck the person you get matched with,” Monique shoots back, pressing her lips together to stop herself from laughing. Vanessa rolls her eyes.

“You’re being ridiculous. She’s got dance experience, the height difference is good, I could win with her. There’s nothing more to it than that. I’d be happy with any of these bitches.”

Monique raises her eyebrows. “You’re not tryin’ to be Miss World, Vanj, it’s okay to say you wouldn’t kick her outta bed.”

“Okay, so what about Monet? I’m sure the reason that you keep lookin’ all the way down that end of the room is definitely…shit, I don’t know…some sort of eye condition?” Vanessa uses her trump card, smiles and sticks her tongue out at Monique who gives her a little shove and clamps her mouth shut in a pout, knowing she’s been outmanoeuvred. Vanessa tunes back in to the introductions. The Love Island girl introduces herself as Farrah, and she’s pouting and asking the pros not to work her too hard. Vanessa thinks back to what Phi Phi had said. She’ll give the girl some credit. Maybe Vanessa should focus more on who she doesn’t want after all.

The producers start leading girls from their side of the room to the middle so that they form two big vertical lines in front of each other. Vanessa starts in front of Blair, who smiles kindly at her and appears too shy to speak. There’s no time for Vanessa to really attempt to strike up a conversation as they’re all getting shuffled around based on their heights. She watches as Brooke gets moved from in front of Aja, past Shea, past Crystal, and finally given to Jan.

Fuck.

Vanessa shakes the disappointment off. She’s being ridiculous, she knows she’ll get a turn with mostly everyone and the fact that Brooke’s tall, statuesque frame contrasts with her pint-sized self means that she’s a dead cert to get a shot at dancing with her. There’s not many people smaller than her so she knows she’s not going to be leading. This is good, as she’s obviously not used to it. The girls paired up with the smaller celebrities are going to have to work twice as hard.

Blair gets shuffled around to be partnered with Aja, and eventually Vanessa gets Gigi deposited in front of her. She gives her a friendly wave and a pleasant smile, and eventually everyone is paired up- for now. Vanessa looks over at Akeria, notices she’s been given Asia to dance with first. Akeria meets her gaze and gives her a smile that Vanessa doesn’t think she’s going to be able to wipe off her face until mid-June of next year.

As the producers give the girls some time to teach the celebrities an incredibly basic salsa step to start them off with, Vanessa relaxes as she begins talking Gigi through the steps. She’s glad she’s finally getting to do what she loves instead of being consumed by nerves and what-ifs. She knows how to dance and she’s good at it- it’s just a fact- and she knows she’s able to teach things, having helped out with the kids at her dance school when she was younger. To her delight Gigi picks things up quickly, and the two of them are simply dancing the same four basic moves in a loop as they move on to chatting.

“You’re a good teacher! It’s taking some of these other bitches ages,” Gigi laughs, Vanessa giving a guilty giggle at the comment as she notices Jadia, very patiently and very deliberately, walking Scarlet through the steps again.

“See, you wouldn’t think I never had a partner before!” Vanessa beams back at her, twirling around and landing back in Gigi’s hold. To some of the girls it might be a little awkward trying to make small-talk with someone they’ve just met whilst holding one of their hands and having another pressed to their back, but to Vanessa it comes naturally. She notices that Gigi is scanning the room and looking at the other girls. Vanessa knows a searching pair of eyes when she sees one. “You got your eye on a girl?”

“Well, you’d be good,” Gigi says immediately, although how much of that is out of courtesy Vanessa doesn’t know. “Or, I mean. Jaida’s a fierce teacher, and she’s won it before, right?”

Vanessa nods. She knows that Gigi is still holding back the namedrop of the girl she really wants. “But I guess, you know, Crystal’s a talent. It kind of seems like everyone sleeps on her despite the fact she’s got all these trophies and ranks so highly and she does ballroom and Latin. She ever won before?”

“Not yet. She got paired with some stompy politician last year and was an early out, but she made the semis before that,” Vanessa indulges her, although she’s quite sure that judging by the slight blush on Gigi’s face that she’s well aware of where Crystal’s ranked in previous seasons. Gigi seems nice, and she’s complimented Vanessa so she decides to throw one her way too. “You’ve got potential, you could take her to the finals easily. She could do a lot with you.”

“That’s sweet. Thanks,” Gigi smiles, Vanessa giving another twirl just as the producers get everyone to stop and switch round again. Time passes by in steps and twirls rather than minutes, but the variety of people she gets paired with ensures that things don’t become boring. Vanessa gets Scarlet, who steps on her toes about three times and, in her own words, dances like an inflatable waving tube man stuck outside a car showroom, then actress Willam, the one with the laugh like a seal and sparkly makeup and scant regard for the moves she’s been taught, preferring to make Vanessa laugh the whole time. After that she is paired with Jackie, the newsreader she’d noticed earlier. She shows promise but Vanessa does notice Jan’s head bobbing about looking at them from the other side of the room the whole time they’re together like an invasive meerkat so Vanessa does her a solid and talks Jan up a storm. She can’t really focus too much on Jackie, to be fair, because Plastique’s been partnered with Brooke and the two of them are already laughing and hitting it off with each other and Vanessa feels her blood fizz with determination.

Finally, mercifully, Brooke gets led down by one of the producers to stand in front of her, and for a moment Vanessa is tongue-tied. Brooke’s dark green eyes and her gorgeous face are a little intimidating, not that she’s got a crush or anything, and Vanessa feels herself growing shy for a second. But then she remembers that they only have minutes together, and if she wants to be partnered with this girl she’s going to have to up the charm offensive. The producers have been stalking the room like lions with notebooks, recording every laugh and lingering glance.

“Hey!” Vanessa starts cheerfully, fixing Brooke with the winning smile she always used to flash at the judges when she was competing. “I’m Vanjie. Well, Vanessa. Either. Is fine.”

Brooke smiles back at her despite the fact that her introduction was so awkward Vanessa feels like digging a hole in the ground and leaping into it. “Nice to meet you, Vanjie-Well-Vanessa. I’m Brooke Lynn.“

Before Vanessa can feel any more embarrassed at Brooke’s teasing, she takes a little bow and stands ready, her hand held out for her to take. "May I have this dance?”

Vanessa lets out a laugh at the cheesiness of it all, takes Brooke’s hand and stands in hold with her. Their hands seem to fit perfectly together and even though their bodies are still quite far apart Brooke’s hand on her back makes Vanessa feel close to her in a way she’s not felt dancing with any man before.

Monique’s teasing face appears in her mind and Vanessa shakes those particular thoughts away.

“I bet you said that to all these girls,” Vanessa quirks an eyebrow at her, and Brooke tilts her head to the ceiling in thought.

“Uh…no, don’t think so. Just you so far,” she shrugs, and it definitely doesn’t make Vanessa feel special in any way at all.

They start to step and oh shit. This is exciting. This is the first girl that’s properly led her, the first one that the moves have seemed to come so easily to, and Vanessa can feel her heart going like a train as she imagines what she could actually choreograph with a girl like Brooke to work with. She’s a bit quiet as she’s lost in thought, so she cracks an impressed face at the girl opposite her.

“You’re good.”

“Yeah, so are you,” Brooke looks at her a little funny, her face inquisitive. “Hey, how come you didn’t mention any of your accolades? Y'know. World Latin Champion 2016, four-time finalist. That’s a bragging right.”

Vanessa almost loses her steps she’s so shocked. How the fuck does Brooke know about all that? She’s not mentioned it. Brooke can clearly see the shock on her face and a blush hits her cheeks. “That probably sounds weird. I looked you up when I knew I was coming on the show.”

Vanessa laughs, pulls a face at Brooke. “Nah, that sounds even more weird. You’re just digging yourself a hole now.”

Brooke gives an embarrassed giggle, looks up at the sky to avoid Vanessa’s gaze and oh fuck she’s still moving perfectly and she’s not got her eyes trained on her feet holy shit. “No, I mean I looked all the girls up!”

Vanessa bursts out laughing again. The girl’s not helping her case. “Dig, dig, dig, bitch!”

Brooke squeals in protest as Vanessa feels her smile hurt her face. “You know what I mean! Ugh, God. Just answer the question and stop picking on me. I’m a very important celebrity. Don’t you know who I am?”

Brooke’s deadpan sort of humour is killing Vanessa. She tries to get out another jibe through her laugh. “Jesus, I hope that’s not how you normally interview people.”

There’s a pause as Brooke laughs back. Vanessa thinks over her question. “I don’t know. Guess I just didn’t want to come across like a showoff.”

“But it’s just a fact. You’re good,” Brooke shrugs. The praise makes Vanessa’s heart light up.

“An’ I guess I didn’t want the same as you. People fightin’ over me,” she shrugs back, making light of Brooke’s compliment. Brooke pulls a face.

“I don’t know about that, I think I’m going to have to fight off a couple of these girls if I want you,” she comments offhandedly, Vanessa suddenly feeling like she’d been shocked with a tazer. She’d been so focused on trying to charm the partner she wanted that she had no idea the celebrities would’ve been gunning for her too.

“Who wants to be partnered with me?” she asks, thinking retrospectively that she could’ve tried to appear a little less keen.

“Well, Asia’s making a bee-line, I know that much. And Willam was all smiles after she left you. And, I mean, I wouldn’t mind getting you either,” Brooke says, her last comment making Vanessa happier than it should.

“Wouldn’t mind? You’re gonna have to work harder than that,” Vanessa raises her eyebrows, faux-unimpressed. She has to slam her mouth shut at the end of her sentence to avoid tacking on a “baby” to the end of it. Jesus, what is wrong with her?

“You know they give us that card at the end where we write our top three partner choices on it,” Brooke continues. The fact she is trying so hard to come across as nonchalant is making her seem everything but, and Vanessa is loving it. “Hypothetically…would I be on yours?”

“Hypothetically? You might be,” Vanessa grins at her, spins round and misses the look that Brooke gives back at her. Is this flirting? She needs to stop.

“And, uh, hypothetically, of course, would I be first, second or third on that list?”

Vanessa looks to the ceiling, maintains the charade of not appearing overly keen. “At the moment, you are…third.”

Brooke’s face is so actively shocked that Vanessa bursts out laughing. “Third?! You bitch! Why?”

Vanessa composes herself. “Well first of all, I don’t know where you’re putting me on this list, girl, so I gotta hedge my bets. Second, I’m still trying to recover from wouldn’t mind, so that knocks you down a place. Also you just called me a bitch, so you’re now reserve-third.”

“If I told you you were first on my list, does that move me up a place?” Brooke smiles at her cheekily. Vanessa tries to keep a calm exterior and not show Brooke that she’s maybe-sort-of-a-little-bit melting at her words.

“You could. How do I know you’re telling the truth, though?”

Brooke shrugs a little. “Well, I guess you’ll just have to trust me.”

With that, Vanessa feels Brooke’s hand being ripped out of her own and coming to rest in between her shoulder blades, and suddenly she’s being dipped to the ground and brought back up again. She ends up pressed up against Brooke’s chest, her face tilted up to meet hers and her lips way too close to be good for Vanessa’s heart rate. She hears an impressed cry from someone- probably Monique or Akeria stirring the pot- and there’s a kind of hush that falls over the room in response to the move that’s a little bit more advanced than anyone was expecting.

“O-kay!” a producer exclaims, and Vanessa melts out of hold, only a little bit captivated. “If we could all switch round again, uh, I think we’ll have Aja with…Farrah-”

Brooke gives her a wink and a smile as she walks away towards Courtney who she’s been paired with next, and Vanessa attempts to compose herself as she gives a little wave back and tries to focus on Monet who she’s now in front of.

If things all ended up the way she wanted them to, this was going to be a very interesting season.

[shotgun--rider]

Fake It Till You Make It - Three

A Sam x Reader Series

PART THREE

Y/N knows it’s a bad idea to try telling her family that she’s dating Sam Winchester. But it’s just for the week of her sister’s wedding, and it’s all fake anyway. What could go wrong?

Word Count: 3900

Warnings: plus size! Reader, fatphobic & diet comments, Y/N’s family are demons, allusions to drug use, cuddly Sam

A/N: We’re getting somewhere! Also, Tom the baker is based on a grocery store cashier from my childhood. She was about seventy and would always tell my mom she remembered when my mom was pregnant with me, and then comment that I was growing so fast and when was I getting married. The kicker was that my mom didn’t start shopping at that grocery store until after I was born. Shout out to Rosie.

In the cold light of day, waking up on the bedroom floor with a Sam Winchester-shaped octopus wrapped around you was a lot more panic-inducing than you’d expected. Then again, you’d somehow gone from one fairly innocent arm slung across your waist to being wrapped up and tucked against his chest, legs tangled up and Sam’s face mostly pressed into your neck.  

You wondered briefly if he had enough room to breathe, immediately snapping at yourself that that was hardly the most pressing issue here. Your very fake boyfriend was using you as a human teddy bear and you had no idea how to escape, not without waking him. And waking Sam was very much not an option right now. As long as you somehow got out of this without his knowledge, you wouldn’t have to wade through the awkwardness or hear him try to politely tell you it meant nothing. You wouldn’t have to see the look on his face when he realized he’d snuggled himself up to--well, to someone like you. You’d heard it all before, of course, but hearing it from Sam would be infinitely worse.

Cursing silently to yourself, you glanced down at Sam to ascertain how deeply he seemed to be sleeping, your entire body tensing when you were met with one sleepy hazel eye already blinking at you. “Hi,” Sam mumbled into your hair, like this was completely normal.

“Hi,” you managed to squeak back, kicking yourself for not moving when you’d woken up in the middle of the night. This was what you got for thinking with the part of your brain that seemed to exist purely to drool over Sam friggin Winchester. 

He seemed to suddenly notice how stiffly you were holding yourself, and raised his head to look at you, looking entirely non-threatening and far too sweet with his fluffed-up hair and the crease of the sheet you’d been sleeping on pressed into his cheek. “Are you okay?”

“Uh-huh,” you returned dumbly, caught somewhere between get out get away run away now and continuing to stare at his face. “I don’t know, could you just...um...let...go?” you fumbled through, looking pointedly down at his arms banded around your stomach. 

Sam looked like he was still half asleep, following your gaze in confusion for a moment before hastily pulling his arms away from you. “Sorry,”

You were scrambling up the second he let go, beating a hasty retreat to the bathroom without sparing a look for the man still sprawled out on the floor, scolding yourself for your idiocy the whole way. You went through getting ready almost angrily, berating yourself for getting into a situation that taunted you with what you couldn’t have and embarrassed you in the process. Still with the toothbrush clamped in your mouth, you grabbed your phone and shot off a text to Charlie: Who TF thought this was a good idea????

Her response was almost immediate. Good morning to you too. 

You: Char I’m serious. Should have just brought you and said I was a flaming lesbian.

Charlie: Except for that you’re still totally into Sam

You: Not. Helping. 

Charlie: You could always just tell him that. 

You didn’t bother giving her a response, rolling your eyes in the mirror and putting your phone back down. Charlie had always been that way, relentlessly urging you to go for whatever it was, eternally confident that it would work out in your favor. Experience had told you it usually didn’t. And you didn’t even need past experience to know how “fat girl asks out the hot guy” ended.

Giving yourself one last look in the mirror, you steeled yourself to walk back out of the bathroom. The best option, of course, was just to ignore the morning’s situation, which you imagined Sam would be equally on board with. After all, it had to be at least a little awkward for him too, waking up curled around someone he thought of as basically family. Or at least that was what you were telling yourself. 

Sam was already dressed when you reentered the bedroom, and you spared a second to firmly remind yourself that nothing productive would come out of you staring at his ass in a pair of jeans. He spun as soon as he heard the door open, a faint blush of color still on his cheeks. “Hey, Y/N, I--”

“So I need to go pick up a cake today,” you blurted before he could finish, “and flowers. Is it cool if we use your car?”

Sam stared at you uncomprehendingly for a long moment, his eyebrows furrowing up. “What? I didn’t--yeah. Okay. Do you want me to come?”

Somehow you’d made him look like a kicked puppy and this was not the morning you’d been aiming for. “Unless you’d rather stay here,” you arched an eyebrow dryly, trying for humor. “Get stared at by my family like a zoo animal,”

Sam’s smile didn’t reach his eyes, but he just shrugged. “I’ll come if you want,”

“Okay,” you returned briskly, using the excuse of grabbing your wallet to break up the sudden tension in the room and give you something to do. 

The two of you made it downstairs without any major incidents, hastily skirting past the room where your Aunt Abaddon could be heard shrieking angrily, and you exhaled in relief when you finally made it out to where Sam’s car was parked on the driveway. He immediately went around to the passenger’s side, while you paused in front of the grill. “You don’t want to drive?”

He shrugged easily. “You know the area better than I do,”

Somehow, driving his car felt like more of an intrusion than it had when you were just driving up to the estate, but you sighed and climbed behind the wheel, wondering for the millionth time why anybody had ever thought this was a good idea. Just get over it, Y/N. You forced yourself to smile at Sam. “Florist first? So the cake doesn’t start melting?”

He still had a little bit of the kicked-puppy expression, but he nodded easily, turning to something on his phone while you pulled out of the drive. Way to go, Y/N. Is there anything you can’t fuck up?

The pickup from the florist went off without a hitch, and soon Sam’s backseat was stuffed full of sweet-smelling bouquets wiggling cheerfully with the movement of the car. Say what you would about Ruby, but she did know how to pick a good color scheme. 

More pressing than the flowers, though, was the fact that Sam hadn’t said a word to you so far beyond what was necessary to load the bouquets without crushing them. You could feel his eyes on you when you were looking at the road, but he’d stayed silent for the entire drive to the bakery Ruby had ordered from. 

You’d half expected to leave him in the car, but he followed you inside dutifully, standing a few steps off to the side while you gave Ruby’s name to the girl at the counter. 

“Y/N!”

You winced, turning to greet the baker with a hopefully-genuine smile. He was a friend of your mother’s more than anyone, but he’d always been polite to you, if terribly pushy. “Hi, Tom. I’m just here for Ruby’s cakes,”

The big man looked over your shoulder with a wiggling eyebrow. “And when am I going to make yours, hmm?”

You stared at him, uncomprehending. “Sorry, make my what?”

“Your wedding cake!” he went on cheerfully. “This young man’s yours, isn’t he?”

“Uh,” you turned hastily to look at Sam, who reached for your hand with a swift, reassuring smile. 

“Yes,” Sam answered for you, and you briefly considered the merits of stepping on his foot. You didn’t need to sell this lie to everyone in the tri-state area, for god’s sake. On the other hand, that would mean letting go of his hand, which you really didn’t want to do. 

“I thought so!” Tom announced triumphantly. “What’s your name, son?”

Sam dropped your hand to reach over the glass display case and shake Tom’s. “Sam Winchester, sir,”

You blinked at the scene unfolding in front of you, wondering if it would be more or less painful to watch a train wreck in action. Of all people, of course you had to run into nosy old Tom. The conversation went on over your head for a few more minutes, with Sam explaining his law career briefly and then doing a lot of nodding and smiling and casually touching you while Tom went rambling on about seeing you as a small child with your mother. 

You weren’t even sure what story he was telling, and given the fact that you only came up to Aunt Abaddon’s a few times a year at best, it was entirely possible he was mixing you up with some other mother and child. More than likely, in fact, since you found it hard to believe your mother would have ever taken you somewhere with a lot of calories and sugar. 

“You’d better take good care of her, now.”

Sam’s hand slid to hover at your lower back. “Of course.”

You cleared your throat roughly, looking up at Tom. “So, uh, the cake?”

“Yes, yes, of course! Now, you just let your man there take care of this,” Tom slid three enormous boxes toward Sam, “and I’ll get you rung out,”

That would normally be a job for the cashier girl, but no one really ever bothered arguing with Tom. Handing over the car keys to Sam with an apologetic wince, you trailed over to the register, digging out your card in advance in the hope of making this fast.

“I like him,” Tom announced, pulling up the order sheet on a clipboard. He peered at you over the glasses on the end of his nose, studying you. “Why do you look awkward?”

“Uh,” you stuttered eloquently. “Well it’s just that Sam and I, we’re kind of...I mean it hasn’t been all that long, I just--” It’s fake. You wanted to scream. The whole thing is fake and he’s just being nice and I know that and I still want to keep him. Like, forever.

Tom’s eyebrow arched as he slid your card through the reader. “But you do know he’s in love with you, don’t you?”

You swallowed hard. “Oh, I don’t think--I mean, no?”

The old baker frowned, taking his time wrapping the receipt up around your card. “That’s how he looks at you.”

“O...kay,” you chirped out cheerfully. “Thanks Tom, bye Tom,” You scurried out the front door of the shop before he could yell anything else after you, breathing a sigh of relief that was immediately cut off in your chest at the sight of Sam, busy sliding flowers around in the backseat to make room for the cakes. That’s how he looks at you.

As if he’d somehow heard your thoughts, Sam paused in his wedding-themed backseat Tetris puzzle, looking up over the top of the car door at you and lighting up with the brightest smile you thought you’d ever seen on his face. Your heart clenched at the sight of him, and you wondered suddenly what the hell you were going to do when the wedding was over. God, I am so screwed.

“Sorry about Tom,” you said aloud instead, automatically taking one of the boxes out of Sam’s hand while he wrestled the plant he’d been supporting with his hip. “And sorry there’s so much crap in your car.”

Sam just chuckled, fitting the last of the cakes inside and carefully closing the door, lest he behead any of the bouquets. “It’s not a big deal, Y/N,”

“I still feel bad,” You weren’t sure if you were apologizing for commandeering his car or for everything else you’d messed up.

“Well, don’t,” Sam said stoutly, and that was that. He watched you get back into the driver’s seat, your hands on the wheel and a pout on your face. “What?”

Your nose wrinkled, your foot steady on the brake even though you knew you should be driving back. “I just realized how much I don’t want to go back,” you confessed. “I’m just whining, I know…”

Sam reached out, laying his hand on your shoulder easily. “Switch with me,” he said suddenly, making you blink.

“What?”

“Switch with me,” he repeated, his hand vacating your shoulder to hit the button releasing your seatbelt. “Let me drive,”

You had no idea where he was going with this, but you got out of the car anyway, doing some imitation of a two-person Chinese fire drill in Tom’s parking lot. While you settled yourself into the passenger seat, sparing a nervous glance for the flowers in the backseat, Sam pulled out of the lot, looked both ways, and promptly turned down the road leading directly away from your estate. “Sam,” you hissed out. “What are you doing?”

“Not taking you home?”

“Sam, if the cakes melt Ruby will kill me,”

“Well, they’re not ice cream cakes,” Sam said reasonably, reaching for the A/C dial. “There.”

“I haven’t been so concerned about anything since I babysat small children,” you said wryly. “God, I hope nothing dies,”

“They’re cut flowers, Y/N, they’re already dying,” Sam deadpanned, taking another arbitrary turn that put you even further from Abaddon’s. 

You tilted your head at him, a laugh escaping you in spite of yourself. “Have you always been like this and I just didn’t notice?”

“You just listen to Dean talking about me,”

That was probably true, you reflected. Dean’s narrative of his brother, while undoubtedly very loving, boiled down to “nerd, lawyer, smart, goes for runs and doesn’t like bacon” most of the time. You didn’t answer immediately, just studying Sam while he drove fairly aimlessly, somehow leaving you lighter than you’d felt all day. “Seriously, though. Where are we going?”

Sam bit his lip briefly, turning to look at you with his forehead wrinkled in concern. “I don’t...know. I might be lost,”

You burst out laughing in the passenger seat, jerking forward so hard that the seatbelt’s automatic stop kicked in, holding you dangling against the belt while tears ran down your face. Sam pulled over on the shoulder, his eyes crinkled up as he watched you laughing at him, and when you finally straightened up and wiped your eyes, he was smiling fondly at you. “Why did I let you drive?” you asked dryly, before turning over your shoulder and glancing back down the road. “Okay, turn around and turn left at the first intersection,”

Sam followed your directions without question, and if you’d have been a bit bolder--and hadn’t had Ruby’s bridal bouquet in the backseat--you might have kept directing him straight to the interstate. As it was, you led him to the little park a few miles behind your aunt’s property, pointing out the window to the creek that was visible from the road. 

“Meg fell in when we were kids,” you narrated, smiling vaguely at the memory. “I was twelve, it was Easter, and we got this brilliant idea to sneak away from dinner and go run to the creek. She just kind of tipped over,” you giggled softly as you recalled the day. “It was an early Easter that year, too, so of course the water was freezing.”

You shook your head. “Then she convinced me that Uncle Az was going to kill her for getting wet, so we snuck her upstairs to steal Abaddon’s hair dryer. We thought we could somehow dry her clothes, I don’t know. Anyway, my aunt found us, sitting on her bathroom floor in a puddle of creek water. That was the only time I’ve ever seen her laugh. She always liked Meg more,”

Sam had listened to you with rapt attention, and now he tilted his head in the direction of the park and its little creek. “Show me?”

You couldn’t deny the little rush of happiness up in your chest at the question, and you made a face at him over the top of the car as you both scrambled out. “If you get me wet I really will kill you, Sam Winchester.”

“Noted,” He jogged around the car, hopping over the curb to catch up with you, and stuck close to your side as you both walked through the grass. For a moment, you almost reached out to grab his hand, reminding yourself at the last second that you didn’t need to. No one was watching. You didn’t need to play the charade. And that was all it was, you reminded yourself firmly. 

You reached the little creek a few minutes later, Sam sitting down on a boulder while you peeked down the sloped bank into the water. “Is that your favorite memory?” he asked after a moment. 

“Probably, yeah,” you shrugged, trying to make it casual. “Most of the rest of them I was either getting blamed for something Ruby did or told to go on a diet.”

Sam frowned at you, reaching his hand out to you. You took it hesitantly, letting him pull you closer to his boulder without really knowing what he was trying to accomplish. “You shouldn’t have had to deal with that, Y/N,” he said seriously, tugging on your hand gently again as you realized he was trying to get you to sit down with him. 

“Don’t Sam, I’m too heavy,”

“You’re not,” Sam said firmly, pulling your hand just hard enough to unbalance you. You fell with a squeak, landing easily across his legs, and to your immense relief, nobody died. “See?” he smiled at you. 

“Okay, you’ve proved your point, Mr. Lawyer,” you feigned a grumpy expression, trying not to give any attention to the butterflies that had decided to take up residence somewhere in your stomach. 

“Good,” Sam murmured. He leaned his head briefly on your shoulder, and for just that moment, it felt like you were in your own little bubble, and everything was perfect. And then your phone rang. 

“Y/N where the fuck are you? Did they fuck up the order or something?”

“No,” you said hastily. “No,  everything’s fine. They’re all safe and sound in Sam’s backseat.” God, you really did sound like you were talking about children. Beside you, Sam was stifling a laugh and you elbowed his chest lightly.

“Okay so then where are you? Gramma wants to see the flowers,” Ruby snapped impatiently. “I figured you’d be able to get this done for me, Y/N.”

“Coming,” you sighed out, and Sam squeezed your free hand reassuringly. “We’re coming.”

“Did you stop for car sex? That’s gross.”

“No, Ruby,” you glanced at Sam. “We did not stop for car sex.”

Sam snorted, loud enough that Ruby definitely heard him. Figuring you’d gotten the necessary communication over with, you opted to just hang up before she could start shrieking again. 

“That would be our cue,” you said wryly, hopping up off of Sam’s lap. Your foot came down on a half-buried rock as you shifted to standing, your ankle rolling sideways and your balance faltering. 

Sam’s arms came around your waist just as you were pinwheeling your arms, preparing to take a dive into the creek. You yelped, hearing a reassuring laugh from Sam as he pulled you away from the edge of the creek bank. “I’ve got you. You did tell me not to let you get wet.”

Your adrenaline rush had melted into a fit of giggles, and you let Sam hang on to you on flat ground while you laughed, totally at ease. And right there you decided that even if it was going to suck when the wedding was over, at least you would have had this week. You followed Sam back to the car still laughing, and he didn’t let go of your hand. 

Gramma Lilith was on the driveway when you finally pulled up, hands on her hips, white skirt billowing in the wind, and possibly more botox in her lips than the last time you’d seen her. “Took you long enough!” she was shouting before either of you had gotten a car door open. Not that it mattered; you could hear her shrill voice anyway. 

You and Sam both hastened to the backseat, pulling out bouquets and potted flowers in an attempt to placate her. It only served to bring Ruby outside to stand beside her grandmother, both of them snipping at you while simultaneously complimenting Ruby’s choices. It made your head ache just listening to the two of them. 

“Ruby, the cakes should go in the fridge,” you tried, holding the boxes out to her in the hope that it might motivate her to actually do something instead of watching you. 

“So what are you waiting for?” your sister asked instead. You sighed, trekking into the house with the cake boxes and sliding them into the fridge, thanking the heavens for small mercies that there was enough room without having to also play Tetris with the food. 

You got back out onto the driveway just in time to hear your grandmother turn her attention to Sam. “Are you where my salad went, boy?” she asked shrewdly, hands on her hips. 

Sam froze, halfway out of the backseat with a pile of flowers in his arms. “Well,”

“Gramma,” you hurried to interrupt, but she wasn’t having it. 

“I don’t care,” she went on, still looking at the moose-in-the-headlights. “But I do appreciate straight answers.”

Sam swallowed and straightened up, arms still full of purple flowers. “Yes ma’am. I was...hungry.”

You had been valiantly biting your lip through the entire exchange, but between his awkward reply and the look on your grandmother’s face, you burst out into a fit of giggles, diving into the backseat hastily to cover it up with more flowers. 

Lilith humphed, her eyes flitting between you and Sam. “You don’t deserve someone like her,” your grandmother informed him, having evidently decided he was alright. And all of you knew that she meant it in that Sam deserved better than you, but he just smiled and caught up to you in front of the car. 

“I know,” he said, and then he leaned down and captured your lips in a kiss, crushing the flowers between you as he wrapped an arm around your waist. It was surprisingly heady, tinged with desperation as Sam devoured your lips, tongue sliding and teeth clashing once in his haste. You were drunk on it, on him, reaching your free hand up to tangle in his hair as you rose up onto your tiptoes, trying to fight the height difference, your audience completely forgotten. No one had ever kissed you like that before. 

And then Sam was pulling back, eyes almost black as he stared at you but somehow keeping his composure as he moved to finish taking the flowers into the house like he hadn’t just kissed you senseless. 

Ruby and Lilith looked equally stunned at the display, and somewhere in the back of your brain, you remembered that that was why he’d done it, that it was all part of a show and that if you were a real couple, you’d have kissed plenty of times already. But as you stood speechless in the driveway, all you could really think about was him. There was no way you’d survive this wedding.

-

tags: @vicmc624​,  @thebookisbtr​, @alicedopey​

[hedwigstalons]

High Expectations - Ch12

Just a little sketch to see if I could tackle proportions and pose, no references used.  Yes I know I have made absolutely no attempt to make the brothers look like anyone, particularly Scott, I’m very much still learning (and struggling).

I’m normally very clean with my fics but one or two swears crept in this time, blame Scott.  It’s not littered with profanity though.

This chapter (and the next one) were really saved by @willow-salix​ who stopped me from deleting the whole thing in a crisis of confidence.  She is lovely.

Earlier parts: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven

AO3 chapter link

Chapter 12

Virgil ran his fingers through his hair and wondered what the hell to do for the best, he was completely out of his depth and floundering.  He had made it his personal duty to keep an eye on Gordon ever since that fated visit to Denver but now the red flags were flashing and he was feeling ill equipped to deal with it.  His cheerful brother, normally so driven and bursting with barely contained energy, was wilting before his eyes.  

With each passing call Gordon had become more listless, less talkative, dropping into the stupor of the repressed.  He should have been worried when Gordon switched from video calls to voice only but he had been too busy with his own course to pay much heed to the change of routine until today.  He was pretty sure that Gordon had activated the video screen by accident; the face that greeted him was sallow, the eyes red rimmed and framed by heavy black bags.  It hadn’t taken long but Gordon’s lean and athletic form displayed change quickly, his little brother was a mess and looked visibly ill.  

Of course he had heard all about the Marineville incident and their father’s ultimatum so he knew the cause but not the solution.  He couldn’t even have Gordon up to stay with him again because Jeff’s total control over Gordon’s life had extended to him refusing even this escape for the teenager.  He had already tried that route but their father had held firm that Gordon had not yet earned the right to freedom.

With his father holding on to the unshakable belief that Gordon needed tough love and firm handling Virgil turned to the only other person he thought could make a difference.  After a quick check of the time he picked up his phone again and called Scott.

“Hi Virg, what’s up?”  Scott took in his brother’s agitated demeanor causing his usually cheerful tone to change to one of concern.  “Hey, are you ok?”

“Not really.  I think I need your help.”

“Everything ok with your project?  Or have you finally got girlfriend trouble?”

“This is serious Scott” Virgil admonished, not impressed at his brother’s attempt to lighten the mood.  He ran  his fingers through his hair again, it was a sure tell of his barely contained worry and a gesture that made Scott sit up and take notice.  “I’m fine but I’m worried about Gordon.”

“Gordon?  What has he done now?” With Gordon pretty much confined to quarters since Marineville Scott wondered how much trouble could his brother could get into really?  Surely if he had run off again it would be Dad on the phone to him, not Virgil.

“Nothing, as far as I can tell.  But I spoke to him tonight and I’m worried about him, he seemed so low and upset.”

“Are we talking ‘Alan breaking his octopus model’ upset, or ‘losing the state final and nearly being booted from the national squad’ upset.”

“I mean looking like he hasn’t eaten or slept for a week levels of upset.”

“Shit.  That bad?”  To Gordon the body was a tool and a temple, the words ‘optimal nutrition regime’ had been bandied about from an age when most kids would still happily eat candy for breakfast if given half the chance.  Gordon had never not taken care of himself.

“Yes, that bad.  I’ve never seen him like this before, it’s like all the spark has gone out of him.  He’s got nothing to aim at and nothing to live for.  Dad is adamant that he needs to go to college but that has never been part of his life plan and he has got absolutely no confidence in his own abilities even if he wanted to go on to further studies.  Do you think you can go back and check on him?  I know it’s a big ask but I’m tied here for the next few weeks otherwise I’d go myself.”

Scott knew that Virgil wouldn’t make this request lightly.  They had spent so long looking after the kids together back in Kansas, each supporting the other while their father focussed on his business or his grief, that he trusted Virgil’s judgement to be sound.  If direct intervention was requested then that was what was needed.

“I’ll see what I can do.  I’ve got some leave due at the end of the month, I might be able to get it brought forward.”  He made a mental note to cancel his airfield slot in New York, whether his leave got moved or not it looked like he was going to be spending it in LA rather than the Big Apple.

“Thanks.  You know I wouldn’t ask this if I wasn’t sure it was necessary.” 

“I know.  Look, it’s fine.  I’ll get down there as soon as I can and report back to you.  Now go get some sleep, you look done in and it must be gone midnight for you.”

“Okay.  Night Scott.” A wave of relief washed over Virgil as he closed the call.  If Scott hadn’t been available the next step would have been to head back himself; he would have been on a flight already if his project wasn’t at a time-critical stage.  Scott would soon get to the heart of the matter and everything would be fine.  He hoped.

Several states away Scott ran his fingers through his own hair in a gesture that mirrored his brother’s earlier action.  He hadn’t seen Virgil this rattled about a brother’s health since John’s suspected appendicitis eight years ago.  That had been for a scary time for them all with Jeff away on a business trip and Scott left in charge of the kids, ably backed up by Virgil as his reliable second in command; a role his little brother had assumed without asking ever since their mother had died.  Now Virgil was asking him to step up again and it was time to answer the call.  They had worked as a team then and they would work as a team now.   

xoxoxox

In less than a week Scott found himself outside the apartment door.  He hoped Virgil was wrong and that this was a wasted journey but his brother had an uncanny skill at being able to see beneath the surface.  It was his trust in Virgil’s opinion that had him citing ‘family emergency’ and ‘compassionate leave’ at his own commanding officer before making the trip south.  

He entered the cool darkness of the hallway and was hit by the wall of sound spilling out from the cracked doorway of Gordon’s room; a telltale sign that his brother was there but noone else was.  There was no way Jeff would have put up with that sort of racket as the beat of the music thudded through his bones.  He wasn’t particularly keen himself but at least it meant he could make his entry undetected.  It also meant that he was guaranteed some time alone with Gordon; Alan should be out at school for at least the next few hours which would give him the opportunity to try and get Gordon to open up without the pressure of an audience.

Pausing only to deposit his kit bag in the room that had never really felt like his, Scott made his way to the kitchen and started digging through cupboards until he found the cocoa.  It was a comforter, a treat reserved for those times when someone was particularly upset or recovering from illness.  The dark playlist that was still reverberating around the apartment suggested it was going to be necessary. 

Bearing two steaming mugs Scott nudged the door to Gordon’s room wide open and stepped in.  The curtains were still closed despite it being the middle of the day and the room smelt stale.  The figure on the bed sat up with a start at the sudden intrusion and confusion crossed Gordon’s features at the unexpected visitor.  For Scott the shock was different in nature, even in the darkened room the physical change in his brother was profound.  Gone was the tanned skin and glossy hair, instead Gordon’ locks sat limp and flat, framing a face that was several shades too pale making the dark eyes look like wells into oblivion.  The haunted look that greeted him caused Scott to curse himself for for not realising that things had gotten this bad, for not being there and for leaving Virgil to be the one that kept a check on everyone’s wellbeing.

He put the mugs down and hit the off switch on the stereo, causing a deep silence to fall over the room, before throwing open the curtains.  The sudden change in light levels made Gordon wince and the natural light he was now bathed in only served to enhance how pale he had got.   Scooching Gordon’s legs out of the way so he could perch on the end he joined his brother on the bed.

“I couldn’t find any of that caramel syrup you like, sorry.” 

“S’ok.  Coach doesn’t like us having too much refined sugar.  Didn’t like.  Don't suppose it matters any more.”  The reminder that he no longer had a coach was like a punch to the gut and his shoulders slumped just that little bit lower. 

Picking up the mug Gordon took a deep pull at his cocoa.  The warm sweetness hit the back of his throat invoking memories of Kansas; recovering from a cold or mourning a lost race, Scott’s cocoa was a band-aid for the soul.  Even without the syrup the hit of sugar that came with the drink gave his thought processes a jump start.  He blinked, then looked at Scott as if properly seeing him for the first time.  Yes, big brother really was in his room. 

“Why are you here?” Suspicion crept into his voice.  The last time he’d seen Scott it was Marineville; he wondered if this was another visitation orchestrated by their father, have big brother there during the day as another layer of control.

“Had some annual leave to use” Scott shrugged.  “Didn’t have any plans so I thought I would stop here for a few days.”  

“You’re a terrible liar.” Gordon rolled his eyes at the blatant falsehood.  “Try again.”

“Okay.  Virgil was worried about you and asked me to look in, call him if you don’t believe me.  It’s true I had some leave to use up though.” 

“Does Dad know you’re here?”

“Not yet.  I wanted to see how you were for myself first and frankly Gordon, you're a mess.  When did you last swim?  When did you last even shower?” With the curtains now open and the sun streaming in the room was warming up, amplifying the odour of unwashed body. 

“Was at the pool maybe 2 weeks ago.  Don’t really know any more.  Not much point now I’m off the squad.”

“C’mon Squid, you’re better than this.  Finish your drink and get your running shoes on, you need some sunshine and you need it now.”  

“Can’t.  Gotta get my personal statement finished before Dad gets home.”  The half-empty mug was set down with thud, the cocoa suddenly seeming bitter.  Storm clouds brewed behind his eyes at the reminder of their father and the rules he imposed.

“And how’s that going?”  Scott raised an accusatory eyebrow at the rumpled bed sheets.  There were some jotted notes on the desk but it didn’t look like Gordon had made much progress.  “I’ll give you a hand with it later but I need a run and you are coming with me, it’ll make you feel better.”

Gordon knew better than to argue.  The Scott of Kansas, the one that provided cocoa, was also the Scott that had spent night after night getting him to complete his homework or making him tidy his room.  He’d had a counter to every single one of Gordon’s tricks or arguments then and the look on his face showed he wasn’t going to take no for an answer now.  He hauled himself up and hunted for his running shoes in the closet while Scott disappeared off to his own room to get changed.  The very fact that he couldn’t lay his hands on his running kit straight away just showed that Scott was probably right, he had been shut away and static for too long and needed to move. 

The pair set off at an easy pace, their feet thudding against the sidewalk as they headed towards the nearest green space.  For Gordon, who had been neglecting his fitness regime of late, it took a while to shake the stiffness out of his limbs.  The sun felt dazzling as it reflected back up from the flagstones after shutting it out of his room for so long. 

Scott made sure to stay a couple of steps behind to start off with, supposedly so that Gordon could direct the route, but really so that his younger sibling could dictate the speed without being pressured.  He had always been the faster runner, his long limbs easily able to outstrip his brother’s stockier build, but the pace as they set off felt particularly sluggish.  There was no attempt at competition either.  Despite their differing talents the Gordon of old would always put up fight, trying to achieve the impossible and beat him to the finish but there was no fight today.  Staying a few steps behind also gave him a chance to take a proper look at his brother.  Scott noted with worry that the muscle definition in his arms and legs was softer, his steps heavy and less springy and the tee-shirt hung limply off a form that seemed thinner than before; the family athlete was a long way off peak condition and far from his usual energetic self.  Compared to the powerful figure he had watched sprinting to the finish of the assault course at Marineville Gordon was practically unrecognisable.

They ran in silence along shaded boulevards and down wooded paths, the sounds of the city muted by the greenery of the park.  The path looped and twisted and you could almost forget the world that existed on the far side of the railings.  As they approached the gates that would release them back into the city Scott turned onto the grass and slowed to a halt leaving Gordon to follow him with a puzzled look.

“Stretches” Scott answered in response to the unasked question in Gordon’s eyes, “or have you forgotten how to do those too?”

Gordon didn’t grace that with a response, just rolled his eyes and started running though his post-workout routine.  It really had been too long since he had given his body a proper challenge and his limbs were protesting.  He was still fit by average standards but he knew that if he hit the pool now he would be miles off gold medal pace.

Stretches complete Scott flopped down on the grass and patted the ground next to him in a gesture that was more command than invitation.  Gordon’s legs complied, gratefully collapsing to the floor, and he was soon sprawled beside his brother on the warm turf gazing up at a sky criss-crossed by contrails.

“So Gordon, what the fuck were you thinking?”

Gordon’s head snapped round at the blunt outburst.  “Don’t you start too, I’ve already had all the lectures I can handle.”

“I’m not here to lecture.  Seriously though, what the hell has been going on?  First you’re storming your way to a world record, then you’re putting yourself through one of the toughest military selections in the world and now you look like you couldn’t do either.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t need to be able to do either, do I.  Dad has made it perfectly clear I’ve got to go to college.  I’m not allowed to compete any more and you hauling my ass out of Marineville kinda blew any chance I had with WASP.”  

A look of anger flashed across Gordon’s eyes as he threw out that barb.  He was pissed at himself for how hard he had found the run and cursing his lapse of discipline, Scott was an easy target for his frustrations.  For Scott it was the first spark of real emotion he had witnessed since arriving. 

“Yeah, sorry about that, I didn’t really have a lot of choice.  I must admit I was surprised though, you’ve never shown any interest in the military before.” 

“Never really had the time.  I’d spent so long throwing everything I had at my swimming I really thought that was going to be my life.  I honestly thought I could make him proud.  Turns out in Dad’s eyes though it could never be more than a hobby.  Now Coach won’t have me back on the team even with Dad’s permission; he said he needs commitment and can’t risk putting in the work only to have me pulled again.”  

The pain in his brother’s voice was clearly evident and Scott couldn’t blame him.  Gordon has spent years devoting himself to his sport, making significant sacrifices along the way.  Their father had always told them to give whole heart to a cause, that half measures would only lead to failure, and when it came to swimming Gordon had followed that advice to the letter.  To have all that dedication and commitment wiped out in the eyes of his Coach by the actions of that same father must have been a bitter blow.  

“Ok, forget Dad for a minute, tell me what you want.  I don’t care about what Dad thinks or what your Coach says.  If you could do whatever you wanted with your life what would it be?”

If Scott was expecting to be left waiting for an answer he was in for a surprise.  There was no hesitation in Gordon’s response, a small part of him might still doubt Scott’s intentions but it felt good to actually be listened to and to get his frustrations off his chest.

“WASP.  It...it felt good there.  I felt good.  I felt like I belonged and I could actually see myself having a decent life.  I honestly thought I could make it but I guess now I’ll never know, I’m probably permanently blacklisted.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.  Ok, faking the forms really wasn’t the smartest of moves but you won’t be under age for much longer.”

“I still couldn’t get it past Dad though.” The thought of his Dad had Gordon curling his fists in rage.  A handful of grass stems ended up decapitated with a satisfying ripping sound as they were torn up by the roots.  “I can’t just fly up there and try again, Dad would never arrange the ticket and my allowance has been cut off completely.”  Another handful of grass lost its grip on the ground.  “I can’t even call a cab without needing to run it by him to get some funds released.  Hitting 18 isn’t going to buy me any more freedom.”

Scott winced inwardly as the pile of broken stems beside his brother grew with each angry tear at the ground.  The restrictions being placed on Gordon’s life were draconian to say the least.  The stupid thing was they were doing more harm than good but evidently their father was too certain of his own righteousness and was blind to the damage he was doing.  He knew that if this carried on much longer Gordon could end up both mentally and physically broken, cowed into submission with all his spark gone.  

Just recently Scott had begun to have some appreciation of what it felt like to be under the controlling shadow of his father.  Every phone call between them came with the reminder that he was expected to become pilot in his father’s rescue organisation idea.  He hadn’t been asked, just presented with the future as if it were a foregone conclusion.   The difference between him and Gordon was that he had already stepped away from his father’s control.  Jeff couldn’t tender his resignation for him, much as he might like to, and so he still had a say in his own future.  Gordon had no such power .  His resolve to help his brother hardened.

“You leave Dad to me.  If you’re sure WASP is what you want…”

“Yeah, it is.” The response was strong, showing some of the old confidence Scott was more used to associating with his brother.

“...then I’ll do what I can to see you get your chance.  Of course, actually getting through selection will be up to you but from what I saw before you seemed to have that sorted.  Now come on, up with you.” Scott hauled himself up off the grass and extended a hand to his brother, pulling Gordon up and then into a hug.  He stood there for a moment, arms wrapped around the shorter form, feeling the head buried into his shoulder in silent thanks, before reluctantly breaking the contact that his brother obviously needed so desperately.  “We ought to be heading back, it’s getting late.  And you seriously need to hit the shower.”

[theorangedeath]

Some webcomic recs

Webcomics are as underrated as they are varied. I mostly read printed comics now, but there’s no way I’d have gotten there had I not found webcomics before - believe me, I tried, but this damn hobby is super inaccessible to a beginner, not to mention expensive. Webcomics are like fanfics in that regard - hell, some of them are fan comics - in that there’s something for everyone, all within your reach, but in order to find something you like you have to either 1. Get very, VERY lucky, 2. Be prepared to read a lot of bad stuff in order to get to the good stuff, or 3. Hear about them from people you trust. 

I was a 2 - i would read anything, back in the day - and while i’m not as unconditionally enthusiastic as i was, there are still some gems I wish got the same appreciation as some talents in the industry. I’ll spare you the rest of the article (dm me for comic rants though), let’s get to it! 

note: all the comics are numbered as “1″ because tumblr messed up the google docs formatting 

Comics i still follow as they update because either tumblr starts posting about them right away or they’re on tapas

Check Please! 

https://omgcheckplease.tumblr.com/

I’m probably not the one introducing you to Check Please, as it’s one of the most popular webcomics out there, thank god. The parts of the fandom i’m familiar with are cool and wholesome, just like the work itself. It’s about a southern gay kid, Eric Bittle, who joins the hockey team in his college. It’s impossible not to love every single character there, the sports drama elements are great, and the format is like solidarity put into panels. The Samwell Men’s Hockey team’s motto is “we’ve got each other’s backs”, and there isn’t a single part of the comic that doesn’t 100% incorporate that. 

Heartstopper

https://tapas.io/series/Heartstopper

The 2000s so far have been a rough contest for the title of “sweetest ya romance” but guys, we found it, we can stop now. Nick and Charlie are in highschool, Charlie is gay and out (not by will), Nick plays rugby because apparently that’s what british jocks do. Can i make it any more obvious? It took me a while to fall in love with the artstyle but when i did i fell HARD - the creator is re-drawing some of the older chapters, though, so your experience might be different. The story’s captivating right away, and you want everyone there to be happy from pretty much page 1. The creator also writes ya prose, and some of her books are about other characters from the same school. I love all of them, but Radio Silence is my personal favorite. She also has two novellas about Nick and Charlie themselves, available as e-books. 

Charity Case 

https://tapas.io/series/Charity-Case

I rarely start new webcomics anymore, but boy, this one got me FAST. and that was even before I realized it’s a polyam love story, which i love but is surprisingly rare in webcomics - at least the ones i know. Julien, an irresponsible young musician, resorts to sharing an apartment with two roomates who are a couple. I fell for the unique, gorgeous artstyle first, and by the time i realized i’m also super invested in the story and characters, it’s already become one of my favorites. Plus, Julien’s hair looks so soft! 

The Property of Hate 

http://thepropertyofhate.com/TPoH/

THIS is what comics should be. There’s so much passion here, not just for the story but for the storytelling as well - and the two aren’t as separated as you might think. A young girl is recruited by a TV man to be a hero. The world they enter seems nonsensical and arbitrary at first, but as they travel she discovers its logic, stories and secrets. She will also, as her title suggests, need to save it. There’s so much i love about this comic that i don’t know where to start, so i’ll just say this: it’s absolutely inspiring, in every sense of the word. Also, read the creator’s duck comics, they’ll make you feel things. 

Webcomics i occasionally remember to catch up on, get blown away all over again by how good they are, vow to check them regularly for updates then forget. And repeat 

Wilde Life

https://wildelifecomic.com/

I think this is the first ever webcomic i read that had a plot? I got on the wagon at around chapter 1 or 2 and it’s hard to believe it but it only gets better with time, even though it already starts at 100%. Oscar moves to a new town and immediately makes friends with a ghost and a grumpy teen werewolf. It has both monster-of-the-week type problems and overarching plots, and reading it feels nostalgic and brand new at the same time. The fantasy world has this special feel to it, that makes me miss growing up in the american wilderness even though i, well, didn’t. Plus, the creator is cool as hell. I knit her a hat in high school in exchange for a commission. 

Sfeer Theory

https://sfeertheory.com/

This comic got me through a hard time and i’ll forever be grateful for that. Also, it’s really, really good. This is another case of a comic where you fall in love with the art right away and before long you find yourself caring very much about the characters and the story. You might also find yourself growing out your hair to style it like Luca’s. If you’re me it’ll be a lost cause, so, uh, keep that in mind. Luca works as a technician at the prestigious Uitspan university. A mysterious, powerful man is looking to change that. While the comic’s biggest strength is probably the gorgeous, fascinating worldbuilding - and Luca’s hair - the characters are also ridiculously easy to relate to, even if we don’t know anything about them. Even the most meaningless extras are somehow compelling thanks to the dynamic, rich art style. And did i mention the hair? If you like it, you won’t be disappointed by everything else Little Foolery makes. 

How To Be a Werewolf

http://www.howtobeawerewolf.com/

I almost didn’t read this one! My brain has decided i don’t like werewolves and i don’t know how to reverse that. But then i saw Elias’ body language and it was extremely fun and friendly, and so was the rest of the comic, and the rest is history. Malaya knows she’s a werewolf, but seeing as she doesn’t know any other werewolves, dealing with that is hard. That is until Elias discovers her and decides to help, along with the rest of his pack. It’s filled with family and solidarity feelings, some dark mysteries and themes, and the art is beautiful and expressive. 

Monsterkind 

http://monsterkind.enenkay.com/

Another case of read-everything-this-creator-makes-it’s-all-amazing! Wallace, a social worker, moves - or rather, is moved - to District C, which is mostly populated by monsters. His heart’s in the right place, and apparently so is his apartment, because his neighbors are cool as heck and agree, some of them reluctantly, to help him get his bearings. There’s a mystery to uncover, some monsters to help and a dashing tea octopus to woo - for Kip to woo, anyway - and it’s all a delight to read. Every single character brings their own lovable-ness to the table, and even with the darker parts, reading this comic kinda feels like being hugged. 

Comics that no longer update

The Less Than Epic Adventures of TJ and Amal - finished 

http://tjandamal.com/

Guys. guys! I’m pretty sure this is my all time favorite comic, web OR printed. I have the printed version, i still read it online occasionally, a lot of the songs mentioned in it are now saved on my spotify, i had it as my phone background for a good couple of years, the whole package. Amal comes out to his family and it ends with him having to drive to his sister’s graduation in Providence. There’s a guy in his kitchen who just so happens to need a lift there, and he’s willing to pay, and Amal’s too hungover to argue. What follows is the best roadtrip story ever. I’m seriously considering getting my license just to recreate that route. I just really love this story, okay? Oh, and if that wasn’t enough, the creator’s music taste is GOOD. 

Prague Race - to be continued in text 

https://www.praguerace.com/

The fantasy aesthetic to end all fantasy aesthetics. And the characters are good and interesting. And the world is well built and leaves you wanting more. AND there’s a cat. And it looks so good! Leona is irresponsible and spontaneous and gets her friends in some weird shit that leaves them trapped in a strange world, dealing with several curses, trying to survive and make sense of it all. I could spend a lifetime looking at the art and die happy. 

Shoot around - finished 

https://www.webtoons.com/en/drama/shoot-around/list?title_no=399&page=1

A girl’s basketball team and its coach, Jeff, deal with a zombie apocalypse. They make the most of the post apocalyptic world. There’s drama, friendship, found family, love and hope - it’s basically everything a zombie apocalypse narrative should be. And i love how the creator plays with the colors from chapter to chapter! 

Rock and Riot - finished 

https://tapas.io/series/Rock-and-Riot 

It’s cute! It’s fun! It’s a 1950’s queer ensamble cast high school drama! It’s what Grease would’ve been like in a better timeline, except we still got it in this timeline. The artstyle fits perfectly with the story and characters, but if you want to see what’s the creator capable of now, read their newest comic, Project Nought. It’s a cool sci fi story and just like in Rock and Riot, it’s super easy to connect to every character there. 

Alright there’s a lot more but i somehow wrote 4 google docs pages of webcomic recs in one sitting (this is what i’m able to focus on? Really, brain?) and i think that’s enough for now. Like i said, please dm me if you want to talk about anything here, rec some of your own, listen to my rants or tell me i’m a nerd. Or all of the above. I might make a similar post with print comic, but right now i have some dogs to pet. Keep being cool!