#hes also autistic obviously but hes in denial

[oatbugs]

sometimes ur maybe 1 year old at best and your father sits you down in front of a TV and plays star trek and you barely understand anything but he proceeds to let it run . the next day he plays 2001: a space odyssey . every day u are forced to watch a different film, 70% of which are sci-fi . and then u end up autistic and obsessed w AI . also science fiction makes u gay correlation is causation

[chilschuck]

hi there!!! I love your blog!!! I know you’re mainly a Chilchuck girlie, but I saw that you occasionally do Laios headcanons/drabbles, and I’m a massive Laios simp. if you have the time and inclination, would you maybe write about Laios realizing he’s falling for a reader who is also autistic like he is? and they’re both so in love with each other, but they don’t realize it bc they’re both idiots, so the party has to set them up lmao

OBLIVIOUS (IN MY LOVE FOR YOU).

꒰ warnings: ꒱ mutual pining, hopelessly in love silly guys, gn!reader. sfw as always!

꒰ wc: ꒱ 1.3k

✦ i hope this turned out how you wanted it!!! i felt bad that i’ve been doing so much chil and nothing for the others, so i was happy that you sent this request!! i’m not sure how to feel about this, but i’m happy to get something out for you!!! <333 honestly i’m worried this turned out badly, but alas, i feel that way about everything asdfdhgjhk. enjoy lovely!!!!

It was more than obvious to anyone but the two of you, much to the party’s displeasure. The mutual pining between you had been a constant back and forth for what felt like ages, and it was almost humorous how in denial it seemed you were.

Laios always spent time chatting with you before bed, his soft voice carrying so much warmth. You always noted how fuzzy your head felt whenever he’d talk about something he was especially interested in. It was almost heartbreaking to part with him to finally rest, longing to continue the conversation for as long as you could.

Little did the two of you know that the rest of the party had their eyes on you, tired sighs leaving each of them. This was every night now, and the fact neither of you were making an effort to come to terms and admit what you were feeling was beginning to become tiresome.

Chilchuck huffed, head in the palm of his hand. “I can’t believe that this is still going on. I’m tired of it.”

Marcille tutted, but the frustration at both of your ignorances was seeping through. “There’s got to be something we can do. They’re obviously so in love with each other...”

And right she was, with how absolutely enamored Laios had become. He’d never felt this way about anyone, the feeling seeping into his bones slowly but surely. With every smile you gave him, words of encouragement, or even reassuring touches, you made yourself at home in his mind and heart. Laios was content with just the whispered conversations and adventures together, not quite piecing together the entire situation just yet.

Marcille was not so sure that was something to be content with. Izutsumi was also getting fed up with the constant beating around the bush, and Chilchuck was sick and tired of watching this ordeal occur. The three of them had decided that enough was enough, and through gossip-like whispers, they decided on a course of action.

“I’ll try and talk to Laios,” Chilchuck settled, although he wasn’t entirely happy with the idea of helping an inner party relationship unfold. It was even harder to watch the two of you continuously pine after each other blindly, so he chose what he believed was the lesser of two evils. “You two convince you-know-who to get some one on one time with him somehow.”

Marcille hummed, finger tapping her chin. “Maybe we could get Senshi to cook something up just for the two of them, get them on a date of some sort.”

Izutsumi flicked her tail in annoyance at this entire scenario, before giving her own opinion. “Let’s just get them stuck in a trap or something.” At that, the elf across from her shook her head adamantly.

“Although that might work another time, I think setting them up would work best. We’ll all conveniently go off somewhere and leave the two of them to talk it out. Somehow…”

Thankfully, it wasn’t hard to get the two of you alone together. Laios would explain something about a monster your party had encountered earlier, delighted at your interest in anything he had to say. Before he knew it, the rest of the party had excused themselves after dinner, leaving just you and him with a cooked meal and unsaid words hanging in the air.

Even earlier, Chilchuck had decided to try and drill it into Laios’ skull that perhaps coming to terms and admitting what he was feeling wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Grasping for straws, Laios tried to create excuses that what he felt for you was just that of a close friend. There was no way he was falling in love, right? Yet, the look Chilchuck had given him shut him up quickly.

“You think friends just look at each other with that lovesick face you’re always making? And it’s not exactly hard to see just how much you care about them. It’s actually pretty obvious.” The half-foot grit out, floored that Laios still hadn’t figured out just how deeply he had fallen.

Marcille and Izutsumi had a similar problem with you, finding that you were convinced what you felt was just that of a deep friendship, of course you weren’t actually absolutely smitten with the man. Giving each other a knowing look, Marcille continued her prodding.

“I think there’s more to this,” the way she said your name so softly held your attention. “You need to talk with him. Maybe talk through just what you’re feeling.”

So now, as you took another bite of your dinner, you tried to figure out just what you were feeling. Laios was doing the same, and the silence, which was never a problem before, now hung with tension.

Both of you tried to speak, before signaling the other to continue, before giving a light laugh at the awkwardness. It wasn’t that just being in each other’s company was the problem, but more so that there was so much left unsaid.

Laios ran his hand through his hair, giving you that tender smile you had come to love so much. “You first.”

Another laugh left you, before your current train of thought followed through your words. “So I was wondering… Have you ever been in love before, Laios?”

That caught him off guard, swallowing hard before thinking of the right thing to say. “Well… I, uh…” A beat of silence followed as you let him find his words. “I wasn’t sure before today. What about you?”

Trying not to get your hopes up, or have the flame within you extinguished so easily, you smiled. “Same here, actually. I think…” You trailed off, just staring at his rosy cheeks and intent gaze making your heartbeat a little faster. Setting your plate to the side, you bit your tongue for a moment. Talk through what you’re feeling… You can do that.

“I guess I didn’t really realize, but… Lately, I’ve been really eager to be around you.” Your voice tried to fight back the tremors rising within you. Before you could continue, Laios grabbed your hand and gave you that intent expression again.

“Me too! I mean, I always really enjoy our talks. I look forward to them a lot.” He spoke a tad out of breath, trying to reign in how he was feeling. Another beat of silence, followed by the clearing of his throat.

“I think I’m in love with you.” You both muttered at the same time, before the feeling of both shock and excitement coursed through you. There was… no possible way, right? But with that doting smile and lovesick gaze he was sending your way, you began to think he did feel the same.

“Thank the gods,” you whispered, a huff of relief leaving your lips. “I had to have Marcille and Izutsumi make me realize.”

Laios laughed, cheeks flushed with delight. “Yeah, Chilchuck definitely gave me a talking to. I think Senshi tried to help me realize, too. It was definitely interesting.”

Both of you shared light giggles before Laios gently pulled you into an embrace. You wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders, nuzzling into his neck.

“Sorry it took me so long.” He whispered, inhaling deeply, the air leaving him in a content sigh. Your eyes fluttered shut, shaking your head slightly in reply. “No need. That’d mean I’d need to apologize too.”

You pressed sweet kisses to his cheek, to his nose, to his forehead. Laios beamed, intertwining your fingers as he spoke from the heart just what he had been trying to come to terms with. You did your best to do so, too.

Chilchuck, Marcille, Senshi, and Izutsumi all let out sounds of relief at watching the two of you around the corner. Getting both of you to finally realize the extent of your feelings was difficult, but oh so worth it in the end.

“Finally,” Chilchuck grumbled, before scratching the back of his neck. “That only took, what? Forever?”

Senshi grunted, trying to recall just how long it had been. Izutsumi even watched as Marcille rocked back and forth on her feet, a certain sparkle in her eye.

She’d have to get the two of you to be open more often.

— dividers by @/cafekitsune!! <33

[candiid-caniine]

im sorry this is a silly question, but what does it mean to be clicker trained? i haven’t been able to find a good answer but it seems hot (although i think everything’s hot tbh)

okie so pls prepare for autistic infodumping on psych and hypnokink below/

so. clicker training is often used for dogs and sometimes cats; basically, you're clicking the clicker every time you give them a treat. eventually, the animal becomes conditioned to associate the clicker with the dopamine rush of being rewarded! that's how it's used on animals. but the overarching concept is (afaik) a form of Pavlovian conditioning.

Pavlov (at least partly) got famous for an experiment where he conditioned dogs to associate the sound of a bell with getting food. eventually, anytime they heard the bell, they started to salivate.

why am i talking about animals? that's weird right? well the truth is that humans work basically the same (tho ofc our minds are more complex): over time, we are trained to associate certain stimuli with certain things. if you listen to the same song every time you go to sleep, eventually that song will always make you sleepy; our brains love repetition. it makes things predictable and orderly, giving us clear signals that help us navigate the world.

now...obviously...conditioning also has its applications to kink ;)

im a simple creature: im *stupidly* easy to condition, esp if i'm being intentional about it. most of the time it happens accidentally tho. here are some examples in my life:

i'm so conditioned to associate a collar with subspace that even touching my neck gets me wet. having the side of my neck sucked on immediately makes me go limp. when i noticed it happening passively, i vocalized it, strengthening the connection by intentionally "noticing" it every time it happened. it has only gotten stronger with time >.>

i also ended up accidentally being able to cum on command. once (i repeat: once) i was super worked up in between changing positions and i blurted out, "if you told me to cum right now i think i could" and owner said "cum for me" and...just like that, i fkn cum on command now. it's been that way for 4-ish years.

now...conditioning, esp when it's accidental, is an inexact science lol. i started getting more into denial. that fact, combined with the fact that i cum on command, eventually turned into *only* cumming on command. this was mostly coincidental: when owner and i moved in together, the only times i'd ever cum were when they were home, usually having sex/playing with me, and would command me. my brain turned that into an inability to cum *without* command. again, once i noticed it, i vocalized it, got intentional about recognizing it mentally, and it has only strengthened over time.

now: clicker training. theoretically, any effect you want (within reason) can be conditioned with enough consistent training. you could clicker train a person to feel sleepy at the sound of the clicker by using it when they're going to sleep. you could tie it to basically anything that isn't too complex, probably.

in my case, the goal is for me to hit the edge every time the clicker's pressed, so i've been clicking the clicker every time i hit the edge.

theory: eventually, my body will be so conditioned to think "click = edge" that i won't need to be touching when it happens.

theory: to really make this stronger, i need to get close to the edge, then use the clicker to get "there." stepping back further and further from the edge until, even if i'm idle, not turned on, or doing something else, clicker = edge, instantly.

here are the effects so far:

i'm not at the point where click = edge when i'm idle, yet, but the clicker does = a powerful clench of my cunt lmao...body's still getting on board.

*imagining* the clicker sound also prompts this effect, but a little less strong. HOWEVER...

suddenly, mysteriously, if i imagine and concentrate really hard on the way my body feels at the edge, i edge mentally.

this takes some concentration. curiously, it also makes me feel like i'm about to squirt; don't know what that's about.

why is this happening? because conditioning a human being is an inexact science. it's messy; the brain is very involved. so, in theory:

because i concentrate intentionally on the idea that click = edge, every time i edge and use the clicker, i'm also concentrating on my body.

concentrating on the feeling as i get closer to the edge. thinking, intentionally, "this is how i'll feel whenever i click this button."

so consequently, in the background, my body/brain is learning that "concentrate on how edging feels = you're edging now, fucko."

in conclusion: ymmv. my theory is that this kind of conscious conditioning method would be less messy and more precise if used with well-practiced, methodical, and specific hypnotism to strengthen and simplify the connections...but for the moment, i'm enjoying the chaos. i do like feeling powerless lol.

[hoardingpuffin]

Autistic Person rates Autistic Characters in Media

In this post, I will be rating some autistic characters in media (specifically TV and movies) based on how well represented I feel by them as an autistic person. Keep in mind that this is thus a subjective list since autism is very individual and no two autistic people will have the same experience or opinions. I would also like to add that I am what would be considered a Low Support Needs autistic person, seen that I can generally live without too much assistance or accommodations, which means that my experience is going to not be relatable to autistic people with higher support needs than mine. On that note, also please keep in mind that “low functioning” and “high functioning” are harmful labels and that they are not the same as “low support needs” and “high support needs”. Also, obviously, since this is subjective, I am not saying that nobody else on the spectrum can’t like or relate to any of these characters; this is my own opinion, not a purely objective rating. Finally, whilst I will be rating these characters on a scale of 1 (worst) to 6 (best), I will not be ranking them in this post.

This list includes characters that are explicitly named to be autistic or that are widely accepted to be autistic, for example because the creators or actors confirmed it in retrospect or because the canon very strongly implies it and the creators have not spoken out in denial of it. Also I can obviously only rate the media I have actually seen so if your favourites aren't on this list, this is why.

CONTENT WARNINGS THAT APPLY: mentions of antisemitism (briefly), mentions of Autism Speaks, mentions of ableism, mentions of an autistic male character acting creepily towards women.

I will be signalling Pros/positive points with a + sign and Cons/negative points with a – sign.

Dr. Isidore Latham (Ato Essandoh) – Chicago Med (2/6)

- “curing autism” theme in the episodes centric on his personal experiences

- usage of the outdated and antisemitic term “Aspergers” over “Autism” (this is especially harmful considering Dr. Latham is Jewish)

+ Black autistic representation (which is rare seen that most autistic characters tend to be White) and Jewish autistic representation

+ whilst Dr. Latham is shown to not be the most social man and to be very direct, he isn’t outright rude or unprofessional

- as far as I could find out online, the actor is allistic (it is always better to cast a disabled actor for a disabled role)

Dr. Shaun Murphy (Freddie Highmore) – The Good Doctor (0/6)

- the show collaborates with Autism Speaks, who are known to be a hate group not actually looking to help or listen to autistic people

- allistic actor

- extremely stereotypical in its portrayal (extremely antisocial, no friends, always literal, no social awareness – even though autistic people struggle with allistic tone patterns, usually they would be able to pick up at least somewhat what other people consider rude behaviour and would try to avoid it, something Shaun never seems to do)

- transphobia from the one autistic character, implying directly that autistic people are unable to understand the concept of a transgender identity (when in truth, studies show that many people on the spectrum also often identify as not on the gender binary or as transgender)

- Autistic Savant trope (portraying autistic people as geniuses when in fact, less than 5% of all autistic people are a Savant and even if we are very interested in a topic such as medicine, we still need to learn and study just as allistic people)

Abed Nadir (Danny Pudi) – The Community (4/6)

+ writer of the series is on the spectrum

+ PoC autistic representation

+ whilst not clearly being labelled as autistic, the character is recognizable as an autistic person without hitting all the stereotypical tropes such as being antisocial, never joking, always being literal or being a “genius” without ever studying etc. - allistic actor

- whilst generally not labelling a character as autistic is not a bad thing, it makes it harder for autistic people to definitely say “this character is autistic”, meaning that allistics can ignore the coding if they wish to cling to their own, often stereotyped idea of what autism “looks like”

Dr. Alfred Jones (Ewan McGregor) – Salmon Fishing in the Yemen (3/6)

- allistic actor

- stereotypical, but not as badly as other portrayals

+ avoids the trope of autistic people not having emotions, instead showing Alfred’s struggle expressing and understanding tone and emotions

+ generally good portrayal of a special interest being made part of the life via the job (salmon and fly fishing)

Music Gamble (Maddie Ziegler) – Music (0/6)

- creator Sia has openly shown ableist behaviour, putting down autistic people, not listening to autistic voices and criticism etc.

- allistic actress

- collaboration with Autism Speaks

- extremely stereotypical portrayal and infantalization of autistic nonverbal people

- harmful techniques such as restraining being shown on screen

- graphic meltdown scenes being shown

Sam Gardner (Keir Gilchrist) – Atypical (1/6)

- allistic actor

- in-universe infantilization of autistic people (via Mother Elsa)

- having the autistic character act dangerously, for example locking someone in the closet because they annoy him or borderline predatorily pursuing his therapist, sheds a harmful light on autistic people

- as far as is known, no autistic people were included in the production or writing process

- many instances show autistic-related habits or traits, for example wearing noise cancelling headphones, but frame it in a way that the audience is supposed to find it funny or laugh at the protagonist

- instead of making Sam sympathetic, he is largely just shown to make everyone around him uncomfortable

+ the ongoing portrayal of Sam’s special interest is generally well-done

- an ongoing theme is Sam’s girlfriend Paige restricting his info-dumping and by extension his special interest (something autistic people get active joy from) to three “dumps” a day so he can act “more normal” – this might teach allistic viewers that this is something they can do to their autistic friends

Sara Eriksson (Frida Argento) – Young Royals (5/6)

- usage of “Aspergers” both in the show and by the actress

+ actually autistic actress

+ autistic traits like mirroring, struggling with social context or tone and directness/bluntness as well as a special interest (horses) are shown whilst tropes like Sara being entirely unempathetic, rude and antisocial being avoided

Isadora Smackle (Ceci Balagot) and Farkle Minkus (Corey Fogelmanis) – Girl meets World (2/6)

- usage of “Aspergers”

- the original title of the episode centric on autism was “Girl Meets Normal”, implying autism is something abnormal, which is a potentially very harmful rhetoric

- autism is shown as something bad, with Farkle’s friends actively trying to fight over him being not autistic, insisting he is “normal”, generally treating autism as something they don’t want their friend to be associated with – a very harmful take in a show for kids and young teens

+ Smackle is a major, long-term autistic character rather than a One Episode throwaway character, even though she is generally quite stereotypical (but given that this show generally has every character act over the top and often fitting in specific categories this is not as bad, it just makes her fit in the framework of the show; she is not the only one who is largely stereotypically portrayed)

+ actor Ceci Balagot is themselves autistic (according to their twitter that is)

Renee (Madison Bandy) – Loop (6/6)

+ PoC nonverbal autistic character portrayed by a nonverbal autistic voice actress

+ in production, an active effort was made to make the actress feel comfortable, so that her experience working on the film would be accommodating and positive rather than unnessicarily stressful

+ generally very well-done portrayal of both sensory seeking and sensory overstimulated behaviour and the experience as an autistic person

Matilda (Kayla Cromer), Nicholas (Josh Thomas) and Drea (Lillian Carrier) – Everything is gonna be okay (6/6)

+ autistic actors playing autistic characters and autistic writer

+ very realistic portrayal of autism and how it differs in different people, as well as how it can affect interpersonal relationships (also having the sister mention that she thought she understood autism as a whole but later realized she only understood her sister's autism specifically because it is so individual)

+ realistic portrayal of sensory overload, stimming, communication between different autistic people etc.

+ queer autistic people – gay and asexual autistic main characters

+ autistic people joking, showing emotions, humour without the autistic people being the butt of the joke

+ empathetic portrayal of an adult realizing they might be on the spectrum and the denial and questioning that comes with that

+ portrayals of autistic special interests and autistic joy

Quinni (Chloé Hayden) – Heartbreak High (5.5/6)

+ autistic actress playing an autistic character

+ autistic queer representation

+ themes of ableism are included but dealt with sensitively and without making the ableism seem harmless

+ realistic portrayal of stimming, struggle with abrupt change of plans, overstimulation, meltdowns, autistic joy, info dumping etc.

+  autistic character having genuine friendships and friends who support her and know her sensory needs etc.

- because it is set in high school, this is a very specific group being represented so it is possible that the largest part of the autistic community won’t see themselves completely accurately portrayed, but chances are they can relate to Quinni nonetheless at least in aspects.

[cringelordofchaos]

Disability + Queer headcanons for some South Park characters i like

(warning: u might not agree w everything i have to say !!! :shocked emoji:)

(also sorry if im inconsistent w some characters pronouns ill probably refer to a character with their canon pronouns in the show and then when i remember trans hcs of said characterr suddenly ill refer to the w different pronouns)

Craig Tucker

- gay (no fucking shit sherlock)

- level 1 autistic, low empathy, difficulties communicating and understanding emotions, yada yada u get the gist

- some form of anxiety? idk probs not to a disordered amount but its there.

Kenny McCormick

- Chronic pain (everywhere)

- Epilepsy

- dude LITERALLY got a seizure from simply playing a video game (in thepokemon episode) this dudes physical health is so bad prolly cuz his constant deaths still leave an impact on him even after he gets revived?

- autism !? (idk im not 100% sure just yet)

- selectively mute

- probably some form of (complex?) PTSD from the constant traumatizing deaths he endures though again like im not sure

- but yyeah ok i just remembered thispost is about disability AND queer hcs so uhm kenny. I like the genderqueer hcs but he could also just be really gnc and i love that for him too. either way likes women a lot and i cant exactly imagine him liking a dude? like idk maybe but nah i dont see it

Tweek Tweak

- im sorry but i personally dont view him as having adhd cuz his parents tell others hes hyperactive bc of it but really its because they keep drugging the fucking eight year old so idk. like idk he could possibly have it but i cant decipher cuz we dont know what tweek would be like if he wasnt drugged and a coffee addict at such a young age. and causes of symptoms matter

- but yeah he def has GAD and panic disorder bc of the drugged coffee

- oh also gay

eric cartman

- NPD (i know hes a really stereotypical and harmful portrayal of it and there should be better representation of it but theres no way he doesnt have it im sorry)

- sexuality and gender are whatever benefits him at the moment

(ok but if ur actually wondering abt my hc hes probably gay)(in extreme denial obviously though)

Butters Stotch

- has some form of disorder related to trauma and if he doesnt hell get one when he grows up because like dudes been through SOME FUCKING SHIT. (and he canonically falls asleep to and wakes up to the sounds of his own screams so like. uhm)

- seems like hes straight? like could be bi though idk. he DID have a crush on princess kenny though? take it as you will lmao

- SHIT i forgot about marjorine. yeah just like w kenny either genderqueer or gnc, love both hcs

- may i suggest aroace butters though

- or no sexuality butters (he doesnt have a sexuality :broke heart:)(dont aks me how that works it jst does)

Stan Marsh

- Major depressive disorder

- literal alcoholic at age 10 thats bound to mess him up for life one way or another

- canonically diagnosed with asperger's syndrome but it was his obvious depression being misdiagnosed

- bi but like only gay for specific chars. but yeah confused abt sexuality

- gender questioning too and its pretty canon as shown in 'the cissy'. though then again stans really empathetic so u could say stans confused feelings of gender identity were just being influenced by cartman and wendy recently telling the school theyre trans. idk WHICH way stans trans though and neither do they

- emo

kyle broflovski

- im gonna hes say asexual cuz of human kite's character chart thingy and also bc why not

- have got zero clue as to what his sexuality is like. im a style shipper (big surprise ik) so u might think i think he likes dudes but idk. ive never seen anyone hc him as aroace before but i think it could fit him. he does seem like he could just be cishet too. or maybe bi? ive also seen gay hcs of him. idk man i think multiple fit depending on how u interpret his character?

-

Tolkien Black

- his roleplay character chart thingy said ther character was gender neutral so im going w that hc

- likes girls (canon as shown in cartman finds love)

Bradly/Bradley (the one from the conversion therapy episode)

- gay (SHOCKER)(BIGASS SURPRISE)(

Timmy

- canon wheelchair user (whats the term again i forgor) and also intellectually disabled (but also there was one point where it was revealed he was actually a genius i think?? so maybe hes not intellectually disabled but rather he lacks the capacity to express or communicate his inner world? idk)

- timmy

thas all i got for now im too lazy to continue but yeah pls dont kill me for these

EDIT 11/JUNE/2024: forgot to say this but also kenny has more physical disabilities than listed and also Cartman is dyslexic in my hc

[pinksmonkey]

Update on my anti-Byler bestie

Here's the post if you missed it.

First of all, thank you to everyone who shared their favourite Byler evidence, it made me very happy and it was funny sharing it with my friend.

Now, unfortunately my friend cannot be convinced. I'm autistic and have trouble understanding people's intentions and feelings, so I can't tell if he's being fully serious, half serious, or completely unserious, but to me it seems most like half serious. He's strongly in denial and won't really give me a reason as to why, he just says, "No, not happening."

So there's no getting to him, he believes without a doubt that Byler isn't happening (and said he'll start a riot if it does happen, but Idk if he was serious). And he says he's going to find evidence, but his only proof so far has been, "Nooooo." XD

So I've been dealing with that. It's kind of frustrating because I feel like he's not really listening to anything I'm saying, he just denies everything. And I understand sort of because he actually bet me $50 Byler won't happen in season 5 (I didn't bet anything, he just gets to keep the money if he's right). So he doesn't want to admit defeat to that, which is fair, but it was a stupid bet to make in the first place since he didn't have all the information (the proof for Byler).

Additionally, at lunch today we were talking to a girl who's also in our anxiety support class, and I was talking about Byler stuff (Mike's official playlist songs, the way he looks at Will, their flirty scenes in season 4, Mike using the "we're friends" trope, etc.). She agreed with my friend that Byler isn't a thing and said Mike is so straight.

I can argue with them as much as I want but it gets really frustrating and even kind of annoying that they just don't understand all the evidence. I'm just venting here, so absolutely no hate towards people who don't believe Byler is canon, but as someone who cares so deeply about it, it can make me kind of emotional trying to argue that I'm not delusional.

In the end we agreed to disagree, which is fine and valid and I respect that. But with my friend, it's kind of a big deal, because to me Byler is a big deal. I admit I'm obsessed, Byler has been my biggest special interest since I watched season 4 and found out it was a thing. I can't really help it, I'm just so passionate about it and it gets stuck in my mind. You could say I'm hopelessly devoted to Byler, one of my friends online has even said they think it's unhealthy, but how can something that brings me so much joy be wrong?

Ok this has devolved significantly, but what I'm trying to say in this whole rant/vent thing is that yes, I'm very invested in the relationship between fictional characters, because it's important to me. Representation matters, and even though I'm not a gay man, I still love seeing other groups be represented, especially in a show this popular, with a story this deep. The beauty of Byler's story transcends everything.

So it's frustrating trying to argue for something I care so much about. Byler makes me happy, it motivates me, it inspires me. I'm not going to apologize for loving the things I love and being passionate about my interests. Of course I try to be open minded, respect different opinions, and listen to other points of view. If my friend actually had evidence against Byler, I would listen and respond as constructively and respectfully as I can.

Basically, shipping Byler is valid, and not shipping or even being anti-Byler is valid (unless it's just for homophobic reasons, homophobia is not valid). But I love Byler and it does kind of hurt to have something I care about be adamantly denied and torn apart. And you know, as I'm writing this I'm actually empathizing with Milevens. This doesn't just go for Byler, it goes for all ships (as long as they're not messed up obviously), people should be able to enjoy what they enjoy without others trying to tell them why they're wrong.

There's nothing wrong with analyzing Mileven, talking about why it's unhealthy or not going to be endgame, etc. But that should stay in the proper places, we don't need to constantly remind Milevens that they're ship isn't going to end up together. Just let them be happy, and I'd expect them to do the same for us.

Idk how this turned into talking about Milevens and respecting different ships, but it did somehow. Anyway, back to the point, my friend may be wrong about what will happen in season 5, but his beliefs on it are still valid. I just wish we could talk about it in a way that doesn't make me feel bad about shipping Byler and believing it's endgame. Does that make sense?

This isn't that serious or anything, and take everything I said here as just a random vent/rant, I'm just getting out all my thoughts and feelings, because I need to after all the arguing with people today.

If Byler doesn't happen, I'll be sad, but I know I won't be alone because I have my fellow Bylers, my Byler family and community here. We can all be sad together, and support each other. When I feel bad about something, I like to remember this quote:

That's how I feel about Byler not being endgame.

But on a lighter note, I'm pretty sure Byler will end up together, it just makes sense. So yeah, feel free to share any of your thoughts and feelings about this, I'd love to hear them. :)

I just needed to share some Byler positivity at the end because I'm tired of being surrounded by Byler negativity in my class.

Byler rights forever. 🏳️‍🌈

[babypuppiboi]

✨Always in heat✨

Hiya!! After lurking for a while I decided to finally make a blog of my own, I’m very new to this so apologies for any awkwardness 😅

Longest denial streak: 33 days

You can call me pretty much any variety of puppy, pup, mutt, good boy, baby boy, or germ (it’s an old nick name lol) if you don’t like using pet names

I’m a switch but lean VERY heavily sub n I’m a bottom

I’m a slut in theory, but a virgin in practice 🫣

I’m an autistic trans guy my pronouns are he/him sometimes it/it’s when I’m in the mood for heavy dehumanization, please only refer to me using masculine terms 

I am a fat guy

I’ve been on t for 2 years

I’m bisexual and also t4t (yes this includes non-binary people) 

I’m single so I’m open to flirting as long as it’s kept respectful of my limits, I will block anyone who crosses my boundaries

Warning ya now there will be some dark kinks here

I can be kind of a nerd sometimes

I’m always down to make friends so My asks and dm are open! Just be aware I am a very awkward person who needs some patience sometimes 🥹

Please Dni I will block you

Minors absolutely no exceptions ya gotta be 18+ to ride this ride

Ageless blogs I will have no choice but to assume y’all are kids

terfs / transphobic people/chasers 

Wlw / straight men / anyone not attracted to men

Pedos

Racists

Bigoted people of any kind really  

Fatphobic / bodyshaming 

Terms that I like 

Tdick, tcock, Dick, cock, little cock, puppy cock

Cunt, hole, boy hole, puppy hole, puppy parts

Chest, nipples 

Any masculine petnames eg: sweet boy, baby boy, darling boy

I also like praise and degradation so feel free to use ether when addressing me 

Kinks under more:

Kinks

Puppy play (obviously)

Edging and denial

Hypno

Somno

Cnc

Light D/s

Free use

Pain play

Intox forced or otherwise

Dumbification

Dehumanization

Objectification 

Cock warming 😵‍💫

Monster fucking

Bondage

Praise

 Degradation 

Public / group use

Humiliation 

Breeding (no pregnancy)

Bdsm

Exhibitionism 

Knotting

Primal 

A/b/o

Breath play 

Training

Kidnapping

Mind break

Chasity

mommy/daddy as titles 

Overstim

Limits / turn offs

Detrans / misgendering

Scat / mess

Incest 

Feederism / food play

Feet

Bio essentialism 

Findom

Unsanitary

Feminization / sissy

Expecting me to be obligated to address you like your my dom I like a bit of play as much as anyone here but I don’t owe anyone anything

Remember there is a real living person with feelings behind all the hornyness

[the-cosmos-withinus]

Shadow Puppets AU- Children of Gravesfield

Obviously these aren't the only kids in the town they're just ones that have some minor connection to Philip. Where's Caleb, you ask? The only reference image I've drawn of him is his eighteen year old self, in this line up he'd be twelve and I didn't feel like drawing a whole new one just for this line up that's about the other kids, which in and of itself is a lore post about what Philip left behind when he went after his brother.

Also in this AU they're Protestant, not Puritan so they get to wear color.

tw: implied sexual assault, internalized homophobia, bullying, fatphobia, homicide, fratricide 

Philip mostly interacted with the Fayerweather siblings, who represent the middle class of Gravesfield. After the death of their father, Hugh became the 'man of the house', despite their uncle moving in to help out and having to be the father figure for his younger siblings put a lot of stress on the young boy which manifested into violent behaviors later in life.

Their uncle had unrequited feeling for their mother which caused a lot of tension in the family as he tried to extort her by threatening to leave them to their own if she ignored his pursuits. The family also got a lot of charity from the church and Father Josiah previous to the arrival of the Wittebane brothers. Their mother may or may not have known what Josiah was doing and looked the other way for her family's sake.

Alice Fayerweather: A seven and a half year old girl who Philip kind of liked, and who kind of liked Philip, but they were too young to really call it anything more than that. Like Philip, Alice is what we call Autistic today, but unlike Philip she didn't have a savant talent. She just came off as shy and a bit simple, capable of remembering the most random useless information while forgetting basic things like to wear her bonnet, and during hours when the children are allowed to play she spoke through a puppet her older sister made from an old shirt. This behavior was attributed to her young age at the time but she started getting punished for it when she didn't grow out of it as she got older.

Agnes Fayerweather: Picture here at nine years old. Had a great dislike of Philip at first because before the Wittebane boys arrived she used to be Father Josiah's favorite, and while she is on one hand relieved to be out of that situation, she has lost the attention and benefits of his favor which has caused her family to suffer more. She has trouble trusting people outside of her family and was a little cruel to Philip in particular but not to the extend that Hugh was, and did stop picking on him when her little sister asked them to be nicer to him. She also warmed up to the Wittevane brothers after Father Josiah was hung.

Hugh Fayerweather: Being the twelve year old father figure to his younger siblings put Hugh in a similar situation to Caleb and the boys almost could have been friends if Hugh did not spend so much time picking on Philip. The first reason he did was because of the town's superstitious nature and general fear of strangers, everyone bullied the Wittebane brothers when they first arrived, Hugh just took the lead. He was very protective of his younger sisters as well, and noticed that Philip and Alice were connecting and tried to put a stop to it by beating Philip up every chance he got for fear of him taking Alice away one day. He also was also a secret/in denial homosexual who developed a crush on Caleb that he didn't recognize or know how to handle, what he did know was that he liked Caleb's attention and hurting Philip got Caleb's attention.

Thomas "Tommy" Aleworth: The Nine year old son of the town butcher, one of Gravefield's upperclass kids. He was another kid that was frequently bullied by Hugh due to his weight and difficulty breathing ( Asthma ) which made him reluctant to run and therefor "perfect" prey for Witches. Despite this, and being yet another victim of Father Josiah's, Tommy was a sweet boy with a kind heart. His blatant crush on Agnes may have also been a factor in Hugh targeting him, but Hugh never considered him a serious threat to his family. He and Philip weren't exactly friends but they sometimes played together and got along well enough that Philip's early hero fantasies usually involved him standing up for Tommy.

Post Wittebane Disappearance

As they grew older, Hugh's devotion to his sisters took an obsessive turn, making him more possessive that protective and frightening them both. Like many in Gravesfield he took to the practice of Witch Hunting with gusto, and unsuccessfully tried to use the disappearance of the Wittebanes to throw Witch accusations around at anyone he did not approve of.

After Caleb and Philip disappeared, Alice lost the one genuine connection she had in the town outside of her family and stopped speaking to anyone outside it all together. The family did actually grow to include Tommy after Father Josiah's crimes were exposed when he, Agnes, Philip and a few others came forward with what he had done to them and due to their shared experience, Agnes grew closer to Tommy and eventually married him.

Hugh never got over his dislike of Thomas, however, and refused to even attempt to accept him, only seeing him as a man who took his sister away. They fought frequently, and during one confrontation accidentally killed Thomas and accused his two sisters of Witchcraft to cover up his crime. His lie was uncovered a few years after they were executed and he was hung himself for the treachery.

[ilovemedia]

I did this before but I couldent edit it so ima just re write it:

Why tech did/should have survived the fall:

1. He apparently had THRUSTERS on his backpack which probably wouldn't be enough to fly him away but enough to soften the landing

2. Killing your autistic character in the season you confirm him to be autistic AND in autism acceptance month is pretty stupid and usually star wars writers aren't stupid

3. We have seen people survive worst like darth maul (who also fell from a great hight), echo, fennnic, palpatine, the list goes on.

4. High chance he just fell in some water or broke his fall on a tree

5. The whole phee and tech goodbye scene seemed unfinished on purpose like its gonna be continued and the camera seemed to zoom into techs face for way to long.

5. Tech also had a grappling hook and/or many gagites in his backpack that could help him

6. Hunter also fell from a hight like that was came out unscaved "oh but he had a knife" tech probably dose to or like a screwdriver he could use

7. Dave filoni doesn't do things on purpose. Most detailes aren't just for nothing which leads me into my next point.

8. Techs dealth seemed strangely ambiguous. Like with most star wars dealth we see usually end up engolfed in flames or we see some sort of a body but with tech, he just falls into the abiss with no indication of an actual dealth except for the googles (which could hounistly be hemlock lying)

9. Now the googles are interesting since tech records everything and hemlock gave hunter his googles, we can safely assume that some where there is some hard drive that could show tech surviving.

10. He is a trained solder and most military programes teach solders about how to survive a free fall and no doubt would shaak ti do the same.

11. Tech is undoubtedly one of the smartest people in the galaxy, he probably could cuclate the best way of survival while in the sky

12. Hemlock would obviously benefit greatly if tech worked for him, and since he recovered tech or what was left of him we can assume he would do some cool evil scientist experiments and turn him half cyborg

13. Denial

14. Even if he dosent show up in s3 I am certain (more of hoping) that tech will come back in another show since they left his dealth so open ended they could eseyly bring him back and no one would bate an eye.

[tmnt-reticent]

Why YOU should vote for TMNT:Reticent in the @non-rise-tmnt-au-competition‼️‼️‼️‼️

•We have SO MUCH ANGST‼️‼️‼️

•We have a different main character every arc!!! (Arc 1 is Casey!)

•We have…Donnie eating rocks!!!

•We have bad parent Splinter (booooooo!!!)

•We have big sister April!!!

•We have big mama :000

•We have Karai actually being one of my favourite characters what the fuck-

•We have Leo being denial about being fruity!!! (He will come around when he meets a certain someone dw…)

•We have lesbians!!! I can’t tell you who they are yet but we do!!!!

•I don’t know why I’m saying we!!!!

•We have youngest Donnie!!!

•We have Mikey and Raph being twins who art together!!!

•We have Mikey destroying property to feel whole again.

•WE HAVE CASEY MOTHERFUCKING JONES‼️‼️‼️ (which is obviously something entirely exclusive to Reticent)

•We have Medic Raph and Face man Mikey!!!!

•We have the hamato clan and the foot clan both being morally grey as all heck!!!!

•We have the boys realising that maybe you shouldn’t be willing to sacrifice yourself on a whim!!!

•We have NEURODIVERGANCY‼️‼️‼️‼️ (autistic Donnie, ADHD Mikey and Raph)

•WE HAVE IRMA‼️‼️‼️

•WE WILL HAVE VENUS AND JENNIKA EVENTUALLY‼️‼️‼️

•IF WE WIN ROUND ONE ILL REVEAL THE TURTLES ORIGINS TWO WHOLE SEASONS EARLY‼️‼️‼️‼️

•WE HAVE CASEY CALLING DONNIE “LITTLE MAN”‼️‼️‼️

•WE HAVE APRIL AND RAPH BEING BESTIES‼️‼️‼️THEY EVEN SHARE THE SAME FAVOURITE SWEAR‼️‼️‼️‼️

•WE HAVE CASEY JONES CASUALLY BEING ARRESTED ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS‼️‼️‼️

•WE HAVE THE TURTLES BEING *SO* EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED LIKE OMIGOSH PLEASE HELP THEM-

•WE HAVE LEO REPLACING EVERY SWEAR WORD WITH JUST THE WORD “SWEAR”‼️‼️

•We have Raph being the best big brother ever actually I adore him

•WE HAVE MORE THAT ILL REVEAL IF WE GET PAST THIS ROUND‼️‼️‼️

VOTE FOR RETICENT‼️‼️‼️

Also here’s the directory for Reticent if you’re curious‼️‼️

[d4t-webserial]

D4T: Page 2 (Alice POV)

//cw: transphobic and ableist slurs// go here for more info on d4t

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No matter what she’d admit to herself or anyone else Alice was a hopeless romantic. Now this clashed with the irony poisoned nihilistic edgy persona she had built for herself, but nonetheless she wanted love. She found that this was an easier concept on paper than in practice, she had only dated men (specifically self-described chasers) and most of her relationships happened over the internet. And don’t get her wrong she knew chasers off 4chan were probably not the best dating pool but… she had a cock, her dating pool wasn’t going to be great anyway. So when she came across a post that read “looking for trans friends” she decided to bite. 

The post didn’t have much information (tho it did say he lived in her part of the country so if things go well…), but it did have a discord she could add, which she did. The chaser “trashbag_minister” (the name being retarded isn’t a good sign) quickly responded to her when she said hello…

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “hi”

trashbag_minister: “hello”

trashbag_minister: “how was your day”

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “pretty good”

trashbag_minister: “that’s nice! how so?”

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “ig it was jst slow for wrk ya kno”

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “hbu”

trashbag_minister: “uhhhh,, fine. though my roomate invited me to a party that was pretty lame”

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “cool”

trashbag_minister: “what do you do for fun?”

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “nm like to hang w my friends mostly ig”

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “wbu” 

And then as tho opening a floodgate he started talking about all the games and shows he liked, he said something about a character named eva he really liked or maybe the show was eva? Alice had a hard time paying attention, she thinks she was aware of alot of the things he mentioned because of some of her agp autist friends (maybe she’d ask Stel or Mar about it later… probably not tho), but like then she tended to tune most of it out. In all honesty tho she respected people like that who just *cared* about things even if it’s cringe (and oh god was it fucking cringe) but also like so is everything, so is she and the fucking know it all “who gives a shit” persona she has, she definitely has to give it up to those that love their retarded shit. 

After a while Alice realized that this chaser who she had learned was named “Lu” (who the fuck spells it like that) was… different. He didn’t seem to fit into any of the groupings of “chaser” she had known before (gay in denial, incel who is settling, wanna be macho man, and of course the honest to goodness girldick lover), he was at least a bit interested in her… she thought. They talked *all* the time, but he has never asked for a picture. It seemed reasonable at this point, as far as she knew the “tranny who wants a chaser friend” and “chaser who wants a tranny friend” were codes for, get to know each other, if you like their personality ask for pictures, and if you’re attracted start dating. It’s not like she was dying about him not asking or anything (obviously like this guy was kinda born to be a virgin)... she was just curious…

Fuck it they met on *4chan* she was just gonna come out and ask 

Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “btw r u into me?” 

.

.

.

then 

trashbag_minister starts typing

then

.

.

. 

he stops typing…

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[i-may-be-an-emu]

hiiyyyy!!!

also, trans HCs??

TELLL ME MORE!! :DDDD

HELLOO!

Gladly. (This will be a very long post btw)

(I know I said this at some point but idk when so sorry if im not answering this properly)

My ftm headcannons:

Peter Parker (Marvel Universe)

He knew ever since he was little

The spider bite gave him free testosterone

He also has adhd (hc) and before getting top surgery would hyperfixate and forgert he was binding

Because of this Aunt May would have to check on him and set timers ect

the scene where Tom's spiderman is like "I'm not a girl I'm a BOY- I mean I'm-I'm a MAN" is pure trans-ness

he's also bi (hc) and really terrified of getting a boyfriend and then having him not see him as a man and is actually a straight dudes

So he only dates girls

(mj/the girl Andrew's one was in love with is mtf [but she doesn't really care about her gender but knows its feminin and calls herself mtf] and always reminds him he's a real man and when he goes "but what if-" MJ hits him with a "well then aren't you saying I'm a man then?" or something)

Luke Patterson (from Julie and the phantoms)

Part of the reason his mom and him fought so much

his parents said that the band made him trans and hanging out with boys was turing him into one

But after he died they saw that he was a guy and dedicated the rest of their lives to helping (especially young) trans folk

He wasn't diagnosed as autistic or with adhd (hc) because he was seen as a girl which gave him problems in having to get his parents to listen to him about both his brain and gender

Hates sleeves = trans

The beanie. No I will not elaborate. He wore a beanie. He is trans.

The way his hair is styled is like it was grown long and cut short instead of grown short and cut to stay that way, meaning that he is very likely to have had long hair and probably cut it short himself

When he became a ghost his soul was a guy so his ghost form became a guy, meaning he had a cis guy's appearance and "biological" situation or whatever

My Name Is Luke. He wrote a song called my name is Luke.

Jake peralta (Brooklyn 99)

Gina helped him come out to his mom

Did you SEE how he looked in highschool? The long hair and earring? Litterally in denial. Plus he was best friends with a girl (not saying straight guys can't have female friends but c'mon)

He wears about 3 layers

He met Rosa in the academy and i like to think that it was transohobic and put him in a dorm with her

she didn't care but was really mad about the academy being transphobic

prison was difficult, but Caleb was also trans and it made it easier (they look down in the shower and jake says samsies, I refuse to belive it's about circumcision and think it's trans instead.)

When Jake came out to Holt they had a kinda father-son type moment and Holt said that he understood and if Jake ever needed anything to come to him

He was still wearing a binder in the first few seasons (screw the scenes where he's shirtless) and the pain is unbearable because he's irresponsible (cue Gina and Rosa basically grounding him and everyone finding out he's trans)

Hiccup Haddock The 3rd (How to train Your Dragon)

He's 15 in the first movie. 15. My boy looks like he's 12

He's not as buff as the other guys his age and in one of the episodes where he's 15 bucket does a painting of him and Stowick and makes him extra buff, Stowick likes it more and Hiccup feels like crap (because he's trans)

Everyone sees him as a screw up and won't even let him ououtside

We never see him shirtless

"But he grows a beard eventually!" Yes but how long did that take him? My guy invented a flaming sword i think he'd be able to get testosterone from sosomewhere.

Kids? Sperm doner! (yes i know they're vikings but they could always just like... yk)

He doesn't have a bulge in his pants

He felt like an outsider and seeing toothless be the only nightfury made him just feel really connected to him

He didn't change his name

When he meets his mom she's obviously suprised but understands what's going on

My mtf headcanons:

Carrie (Julie and the phantoms)

Trevor understood fully because of Luke and asked her if she wanted a new name and what pronouns to use

He sometimes messed up with her pronouns at first but he tries really hard to get them right

When she came out he game her his credit card to buy new clothes with and quickly learned that was a very bad idea

She figured out her gender but was still figuring out her sexuality

She started dating nick as a power move to try and gain popularity (it worked)

She went on puberty blockers at 13 and it meant she was able to get a high voice but still does voice training as well (i dont know much about mtf voice stuff im sorry 😭)

After season one the boys were able to become visible to lifers when they want to be and she and Luke become trans bff's

loves pink

(I'm sorry I cant think of anymore mtf ones mainly because im ftm and those hc come from projecting onto charichters)

Nonbinary:

Oh my gosh I forgot their name 🤦 (from jatp)

(The member of dirty candy who Reggie likes)

Idk. But they are. She goes by they/she pronouns too, and I cant really say much else because they're a side character.

And also MJ from the Tom Holland spidermans is a genderfluid girl

Im sorry im too tired to elaborate any further I will think of more tho C:

[Edited]

[matbaynton]

tagged by @baynton thank you!! 💙

8 shows to get to know me better

1. BBC GHOSTS

copying nat here to say that this is also where the mat obsession started 😈 my friend hallie (who i will also be tagging to do this obviously) got me into it and i cannot thank them enough for giving me the brainrot! i've watched this show.... idk how many times now i'm constantly rewatching it but i still laugh (and/or cry) every time. don't think i needed to know how absolutely FERAL and UNHINGED and RABID i was capable of being, i swear i was normal before i saw thomas thorne. i WAS, and no one can disprove that so just believe me 🤡 he is my sopping wet babygirl pathetic chewtoy and i love him.... so much..... and i want to d*e on the button house property and become a ghost more than anything in the whole world. anyway this show is fantastic and it changed my life and there isn't a single bad main character!

2. STRANGER THINGS

not sure if it's because i watched this show the year it came out (and on the night before/night of my 18th birthday, so it ended up being the best birthday i've had in years which is. still true lmao) but it continues to hold such a special place in my heart, and i can't truly explain why. gonna be honest seeing that winona ryder was in it immediately made me want to watch (and i love joyce byers + jopper a normal amount) i'm also really into horror and gross shit and this show really delivers on that sometimes, it's fantastic 🫡

3. THE OWL HOUSE

i don't think i can talk about this show for too long without crying lmao, but for a silly starter: THERE IS SO MUCH GOD DAMN FUCKING PURPLE IN THIS SHOW IT IS VERY PLEASING TO MY EYEBALLS!!!!! i'm a huge blubbering baby when it comes to the found family trope and this show has that! not to mention the incredible lgbt+ rep that truly shocked me to my core. i've also never related to a fictional character more than luz noceda, it's almost unsettling. still haven't watched the finale because i'm in denial about it being over and fuck disney channel for cancelling it.

4. DOCTOR WHO

besides glee and pretty little liars (that i'm surprisingly not putting on this list for reasons) this was one of the first real tv shows i've gotten into. my friend and i stumbled upon it on netflix (back in the ancient times of the early 2010's) she wasn't into it AT ALL but when i went home i immediately started watching the rest of it. i love all of the doctors/companions/eras in so many different ways, and every time i rewatch this show it feels like home <3

5. YONDERLAND

99% of the characters in this show are complete dumbasses and i'm truly here for it,. also seeing mat as so many different freaky sexy characters fixed me made me worse. HOWEVER.... the felt puppets still strike fear into my heart, i've gotten somewhat used to it but i still want to scream and poop my pants whenever i see them.

6. COMMUNITY

as we've established i'm a fan of the found family trope (even the FUCKED UP PROBABLY MENTALLY BAD FOR EACH OTHER kind of found family) besides how funny this show is (and how much i love troy and abed AND WANT WHAT THEY HAVE MORE THAN ANYTHING) it was also the first time i interpreted autism portrayed in a somewhat better way than i had ever seen before on television (of course abed being autistic isn't technically canon, hence "interpreted") but i really appreciated it and the fact that he IS canonically the most mentally stable in the group is incredible and i love it. will NEVER forgive them for making a felt puppet episode though, it haunts my nightmares.

7. SANTA CLARITA DIET

drew barrymore plays a zombie milf and timothy olyphant plays her hot husband who helps her kill shitty people to eat. wtf else do i need to say? it's a masterpiece and i wake up every day hating netflix for cancelling it

8. TOO MANY SPIRITS

YEAH THIS IS A SHOW! I'M COUNTING IT AS A SHOW! i knew i was going to put at least one watcher show on this list because i love these idiots so dearly. i chose too many spirits because the amount of times i've almost (😐) pissed myself from laughter watching these morons get drunk and tell stupid stories is TOO MANY..... spirits! like the name of the show! too many! too many times 🤡 anyway

tagging (no pressure to do it!) @larryrickard @reysorigins @softdavidrose @karura @captainsjack @jugheadscrowns @bejeweledantihero @hannamarins

[nanowired-lover]

Forgetting previous tag vent but I gotta ramble about All Saints Street fr !!! Send help !!

Disclaimer : so far, i just watched the donghua and i saw some part of the manhua here and there. And got some infos from fanfics bc i couldn't wait fr

Plus I don't watch a lot of animes, like maybe one every year/2 years, which explain the big feels-

Also I was genuinely surprised by it ? Bc even if i knew it was a goofy and good small donghua from what I heard, I thought a lot of things would be kinda... one dimensional.

(i added more in the reblogs lmao)

All Saints Street is so fucking cute i can't

Especially the angel and demon crew.

I was so happy when I noticed that Neil, all cute, good-hearted and clumsy was sometimes a bit of a savage, especially with his brother in the manhua (deserved ngl, even if Nick was just trying his best and thought he was helping, he sucked at it).

Same for Lily, i loved the fact that she's a battle angel, and mischievious, and not only the straight A student little miss perfect. She's no perfect cutie pie and little me would have relate to her or Neil SOOOOO much.

Neil and Lily are really a nd4nd ship lmao.

And Lynn !! I love that even if he doesn't approve the fact that Neil is crushing on his sister and he's protective, and that he's tired of the mess of Neil and his brother are doing, he doesn't hate Neil. He even likes him, bc he likes young people and Neil is so sweet and full of good.

And same with his relationship with Nick !! I thought this ship was going to be a bit too cliché for me but. They fight and bickers but- Lynn gets genuinely touched when Nick didn't forget his birthday and even gave him a good gift like. It's smh realistic ?? They can tolerate each other (from what i saw in the manhua too) and even spent good time with each other but they are both adults and dumb as fuck with feelings.

I really see Lynn not only as a character, but a strictly catholic-raised autistic bisexual man with a lot of childhood neglect that he's trying to compensate by being overly protective of his sister and loved ones.

Now that I think about it, especially with his "there's not bad student, only bad teachers" thing, he's making me think of my uncle but less anxious 💀

Then Nick. Bro this man stole my heart but that's probably due to the denial I had about liking him at first. I genuinely thought i wasn't going to like him as much as I do rn ?? He looked like "just" a smug mischevious kinda OP bastard and that's it. And even if those characters are cool and I like them, I didn't think more about it. BUT BROOOOO HE'S PATHETIC /pos

He isn't OP at all, he's a bit stupid, and probably the queerest mofo of the serie. And he genuinely thought he was helping is lil brother, and he genuinely likes Lynn. It's a bit of "pulling pigtails for attention" situation ngl, and it's funny for once. He cares ! He's a lot and smug about it !

Also, I haven't read the manhua yet, but from what I saw, I hold no sympathy for his father 💀💀💀 bro left his kid and asks him to get him out off trouble and makes him believe that he cares about him and DUUUUDE i'm so mad that Nick still loves his dad. Not in a "it's a bad trope" way, but more like in a "it's actually realistic but rn i see my friend who took years to realise how bad and abusive was their relationship with their parents and same for me and my mom" way. Like I wanna punch the man far from Nick so much.

Maybe I'm wrong and I'm missing stuff but >:( fuck his dad

Also idk if it's a canon thing but the whole commitment issues from Nick makes sense and my angsty decided to obviously blame his father lmao

Like he kinda wants to be like his father bc of his blind admiration but also... "no, dad didn't leave bc of Neil" and the unsaid "he left bc of me" that a lot of person in his situation have probably thought at one point in their life sadly, which makes him scared of people genuinely loving him. y-yeah... i love being sad /j

Also lmao. Nick is babygirl.

(the pic at the bottom)

Oh and it was S2 ep10 lmao-

[courtblacksmith]

OH YOURE DOING THE CHARACTER THING GIMME UHHHHH A WES A RIDDER A NUMBER 15 LARGE AND A SMALL FRY

oh you know me so well ci

Wes AND Ridder at the same time??

oh and number 15 large and a small fry uh. Here you go

For Wes:

Favorite thing about them?: everything. everything

Least favorite thing?: jokes on you, I don't dislike anything about him. Does he have flaws? Not really, at least for now. His numbness isn't a flaw, I believe. It's a coping mechanism due to trauma, and it never was painted negatively

Favorite line: it has to be.. uh . Oh my. Sorry for this but I adore the composition of this

But there's a tie between that and most of the lines from the interaction with Ona

brOTP: Wes and Ona. They're best friends. They're everything to me. They have the closure and sweetness but I love how they don't have to be romantic (because Wes is gay) to be so GREAT. And also him and Muschio even if we don't see them interacting that much. They have the parallels

Second close is Wes and Barbakus. I adore their small dynamic I wish to see more of them

OTP: Everyone knows it's Wes/Pendle. It's in my bio, it's what I think about every day. I AM the WesPendle guy

I adore Wes and Pendle. They have so much potential, and are the only thing with Pendle I see actually working (PendleOna is there too don't worry but with the circumstances it's a second priority)

We just have to bargain with the suggestors to make them canon. There's hope, because some of them already expressed an interest with it

I don't see Wes paired with anyone else so with NOTP I'll just set up with him and any gal from the cast. Especially Embraddeus, because they feel like those typical siblings

Headcanons? Oh, I have plenty. You already know about the transmasc and autistic headcanons I have for him, obviously. I need to remember other ones though bear with me

Unpopular opinion: criminally underrated. He's getting more relevant though! I love him for that

Song I associate with them: hmm. well

I don't. Have any. Maybe Dinner is Not Over by Jack Stauber a bit? I'm Gonna Win is shared by him and Muschio

Favorite picture: obvious one it's this one from the grand reveal of him being a gay guy

Oh and the one where he's beating the shit out of Pendle because the dramatic effect is amazing on that one

Okay. Moving to Ridder

Favorite thing about them?: also everything. He deserves better

Least favorite thing?: I still don't like how he broke character that one time it still pisses me off Ridder that is NOT you

Favorite line: everything he says during the part where Muschio reveals himself as the actual threat. Good God that was gay

brOTP: him and ashedel would work as a brOTP, when you think about it

OTP: well uhhh

Muschio and Ridder. They're mainly queerplatonic to me but they are so so gay. So so homosexual. the Kiss plagues me every time and it'd be so funny if it was not just a sticks thing

NOTP: speaking of Sticks ... Yeah. I don't like pairing them at all. Ridder deserves so much better and Sticks needs to learn how to act around men

Random headcanon: he's gay to me and he always will be gay to me even if he has a whole arc of denial in canon

Song I associate with them: love like you. That is muschioridder

Favorite picture: it's not the kiss. It's actually. All of the things from his interactions with Muschio I can't pick one how dare you make me pick one

[redinbluee]

Autistic caretakers also have trauma 

Being an autistic girl who was diagnosed so young due to obvious signs (which is rare)- my parents had to put in a lot of time and effort to raise me. 

My parents had me at quite a young age, they also didn't have a lot of money at that time. My dad had to work very hard to learn enough money to pay for my speech and occupational therapy and my mom went sleepless nights to take care of me, drive me to therapy, drop me off to kindergarten while she was pregnant with my younger brother. 

I was a very high maintenance child- I cried hysterically in social situations like birthday parties due to the loud noise, crowding, the singing and clapping, the lighted candles and the generally overwhelming atmosphere. I also cried hysterically at the doctor, at school and at large restaurants etc for similar reasons. I was unable to survive a day outside the house without my mom constantly briefing me about what would happen next, where we would go etc because I couldn’t handle unfamiliarity and unpredictable situations. I have also had excellent pattern recognition since a very young age- my mom once told me that I was able to recognise the fact that we were heading to the doctors without any verbal communication (as an infant)- I was crying the moment we entered the taxi. I also needed speech therapy because I was non verbal and I was also unable to communicate in full sentences. 

My mother also didn't have much time to care for my brother, he was pretty much raised by a separate caretaker. I was still very young at that time, so I didn't know how much this affected those around me.

My mom also once told me that she was incredibly suicidal while she raised me- if things were just a little worser, I would've lost my mother

Once my parents actually decided to tell me about my past, I realised that I was essentially the reason why my brother was always so silent about his wants and needs, why he was so secretive about everything. That was because he was raised in an environment where he had to do everything himself, an environment where my parents were never really present. I turned my brother into a glass child without even knowing. This made me feel fucking terrible 

Once I stopped therapy at 8, my parents had gone through enough. I completely understand why. My mom now denies the fact that it ever happened, she believes that I have been “cured” and that I was some sort of “miracle child”- an outcome due to the amount of therapy and conditioning I’ve been through. However, now that I am old enough I know that this is obviously not the case- I just learnt to mask extremely well. My mom  is also not very well educated in autism, she doesn’t seem to understand that autistic children grow- and that autistic teens and autistic children behave quite differently. My dad denies it to an even larger extent. I was told several times by my parents that I literally “Don’t have autism anymore”- but that is obviously untrue, autism doesn’t go away like that. I still experience the same traits till this day- I’ve simply grown like any other child- and I have learnt to suppress my emotions and control my behaviour. My parents immediately tell me to shut up whenever I bring up the topic- just last month, I decided to ask my mother to hand me my diagnosis report because I wanted to look over it. We went into a fight.

However, I do not wish to do anything about my parent’s denial- I would rather deal with this on my own than put my parents through this ever again. My brother was also never told once about my disability- and this is something that he must never know.