#hes just visiting me because ive been sad without a dog

[abirddogmoment]

if you dont mind saying, why are you not keeping mr laundry permanently? is there a particular thing youre looking for in Next Dog that he doesnt have or something like that?

Mr. Laundry is so so sweet but he does not have a lot of confidence in new situations and he doesn't cope well with stress. For example, it would be really hard to get him into a canoe and he wouldn't enjoy it at all. While these are things I could cc/ds and train new foundations for him, that's not really something I'm interested in doing, and especially not with an adult dog who is very set in his ways.

He is so so sweet and I really enjoy his visits, but it's also a bit of a relief when he goes back home.

[bellarkeselection]

Everybody Makes Mistakes

Request from @fofisstilinski Reader does something wrong in an investigation and everyone gets angry. Reader later gets hurt so he apologize to her for his actions

Walking into work today nobody really talks to me and I knew why because of the failed mission yesterday. Sitting at my desk I run a hand through my hair seeing Spencer eyeing me from his own desk until I got up stomping over to him arms crossed over my chest. "Spencer how many times can I say I'm sorry for you hurting your leg?" He was chasing an unsub and was about to handcuff him when I accidentally fell down the stairs making my gun accidentally go off. He has to wear a cast for a week's but they got the bullet out no problem. "Y/n, I can't forgive you for this. Hotch has kept me here when I was going to visit my mom since our next case is in Vegas. Now because of you I can't so thanks a lot!" Throwing my hair over my shoulder I turned on my heels exiting the building. Getting in my car I turned the key driving through the city even though it was starting to rain heavy outside.

Sitting at a red light it changed to green where I started to go until someone slammed into the side of my truck. My head hits the steering wheel and I don't remember anything after that. I hear a beeping sound in my ear squinting my eyes opened I could see I was laying in a hospital bed. An iv sticking into my left hand before I heard foosteps enter the room suprising me at who it was, Spencer. "Y/n, thank goodness you're alright. I was so worried that you wouldn't wake up from the accident. I'm so so sorry for what I said earlier. I didn't mean I was just upset in the moment." He has tears falling down his face pulling up a chair at my bedside where I give him a confused look across my face. "Spencer, what happened to me. What accident?" He reaches over taking my hand in his with sad puppy dog eyes as he spoke. "Someone ran a red light and crashed into the side of you. You've been in a coma for a few days where I was terrified you wouldn't wake up."

"I can't believe I got hit like that. What about the case in Vegas how did that go?" I asked knowing that the team must have gone without me since I was in the hospital. Spencer glanced in the direction of the door answering my question. "It went fine actually everybody is in the lobby waiting to see the news. I'll go get them." Before he could leave I snagged his wrist holding him in his place where he raised a brow down at me. "Wait Spencer...I forgive you. I know you wouldn't yell at me and not feel guilty about it." He leans down kissing me quickly until I grab the collar of his shirt deepening the kiss. His right hand runs through my hair until we heard a camera flash and Garcia squealing. "Awe they made up with a kiss. So adorable." Spencer and I broke away both blushing like crazy.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[endcant]

an incomplete list of things that are mundane but that i miss because i don't have access to them right now:

the foods i am allergic to now

dandelion tea

being part of a large team of people

making red bean paste

having a garden that isn't in pots on a balcony. it doesn't have to be big. i just miss the actual ground.

dancing without downstairs neighbors

sidewalks between me and almost anything i could ever want

getting somewhere early

having my own other place where i can lock things away and not just during work hours

being able to feel like i have a positive impact on people as regularly as i did at the tutoring center. but where else could i ever work that i can get profuse thank-yous every 15 minutes on the dot? with my skillset?

fishing with dad in california

bringing maple cookies to school friends in batches of 30

parking really far whenever i go anywhere and having a nice walk to and from my car

serving moms whiskey samples at noon on a sunday in a california grocery store

coffee and pumpkin jojos with my sister

walking a dog

feeding fish

the sierras

hot, dry, yellow landscapes

meeting someone else's older relatives every time i visit a friend's house.

feeling safe in a really big crowd of people

saving coffee for the security guard who would lock up at the art gallery i worked at for awhile. never got his name but i knew how he liked his coffee.

frequently meeting much older people who are currently attending community college and therefore are interested in learning new things

just having free agency to move around in much larger groups of people by myself in general (as a kid in california this experience was mandatory, as an adult in tennessee this experience costs a lot of money and also usually involves friends who expect me to stick with them the whole time)

piano with weighted keys

the scent of peach tea and wet dog at the same time

living in a room that was big enough for all of my earthly possessions and i never had to share that space with anybody and none of my stuff ever moved from where i expected it to be (thanks stephanie)

going to concerts in town

buying lots of books and having enough room to keep them all on shelves

when the creek's biodiversity wasn't obliterated by the city extending its gas pipelines to new developments

living somewhere WITH fences and WITHOUT "i will shoot you if you come onto my property" culture, both of which resulted in an overall better experience for Walkers

an incomplete list of things i have right now that i will miss if/when i do not have them later:

my roommates are incredibly generous and supportive and have helped a lot when ive had money problems

baldur is curled up on my keyboard and occasionally stands up, turns around and lays back down

both of my roommates laugh really loudly from their respective rooms at regular intervals

friend group chats are fairly active right now

the sound of cicadas is really relaxing

there were no dangerous storms for the past few days, so i have been able to go outside for basically any excuse

i have all the medications i need right now

i have my allergen-free spice mix that i can use anytime

i did a lot of laundry today and my back doesn't hurt. my back will hurt soon because i am about to do dishes, so i really have to enjoy this right now.

i am reading a library book about regional witchcraft right now. it is amazing. i will have to give it back, which is a little sad. i want to buy a copy one day when i have the money

i am not yet tired of the songs i am learning right now

all of my devices are currently functional

in general, my pain levels have been pretty bearable for the past month or so

our folding table is really helpful and not THAT bent yet

big lamp with daylight bulb keeps me sane

tall, thin, blessed candle that i got as a gift from a priestess will one day be used up or lost or broken

i have lots of art supplies right now

i have something specific to look forward to that is guaranteed to happen and that i can prepare for all i like in any way i want, but ultimately i'll still "succeed" in some basic way as long as i show up

there is a poem i want to memorize

[ess-presso]

your fic recs have been absolutely superior so ty. my turn! engraved upon my heart (in letters deeply worn) by inkpot_winters - jegulus little women au. need i say more. (also bc little women was in your top books)

taylor time! sad beautiful tragic, the moment i knew, and the way i loved you! ( i keep thinking im repeating ones ive already said so if i give u one i already said just ignore it LOL)

chat time!

drarry being a guilty pleasure is so real. like drarry and jegulus is same ship different font so u cant go wrong.

and being used as a personal grammarly by friends? SO real. my best friend cant spell for shit and ive been her dictionary and autocorrect since we kids.

okay but red converse is so james of you. i have red converse as well (i think i wore nothing but my red converse for an entire year when i was 16) but i like to change it up with my green or black converse too (i drew stars and moons all over the rubber part on my black ones because. i have to make everything in my life about wolfstar obviously)

GREEK MYTHOLOGY KIDS UNITE! this makes me so happy. truly a superior breed. i guess my obsession just bled into my academic career and here i am LOL. and dont worry, caecilius est in horto is a joke here too (at least it was in my intro to latin class, i feel like the average canadian would be lost)

love that u want to save lives. thats so cool of u. my best friend is a nursing student and shes the most badass person ive ever met so maybe its a prerequisite to be cool if u save lives.

(also wanting to be an agent after watching a spy movie is SO REAL like i swear my divine purpose becomes being a cool ass kicking agent, until reality dawns on me and i remember im just. a random person)

your top books list is so good. i love little women SM & ive heard so many good things about if we were villains (i really need to get on reading that)

also JUMANJI i love that movie. so good. and the hunger games movies ofc just classics at this point. and help the woman calling herself the kim k of businesswomen in the apprentice is so funny some people say the funniest things.

id love to visit new york too. concrete jungle where dreams are made of, obviously. the big gulp cup. god i want one too. (we have them in canada but i think ours are way smaller?)

your jewelry sounds so cool. i love the hp pandora bracelet thats so cool & rings! i love rings sm i cannot leave the house without them.

pop tarts & chinese takeout is such a good combination. perfect comfort food fr.

and a fellow cat person! i like dogs but i love cats sm. i have 3 and theyre my most favourite little creatures on the planet.

an INFJ! very remus of u. (at least i think hes an INFJ? idk i saw a tiktok about it lol) im an INTJ so im living up to my reg kinnie status.

stars is such a good choice. i will always be a star person too (and hello? im an ex-astronomy student too thats so funny). theyre just so pretty and i swear i could stare at them for hours.

christmas is my fav holiday too!! ive actually always wanted to visit london at christmas time it sounds so nice. do you get much snow during the winter? we dont get much snow here so honestly anywhere that gets snow at christmas sounds great to me.

I ACTUALLY DONT KNOW WHY I THOUGHT JAMES OPENED THE DOOR??? i think i read some dumb thing somewhere where he opened the door wearing a lightning mcqueen costume and it really stuck with me😭 i guess i decided that was canon to me LOL

question answer time!

fav rarepair - oh god i dont even know. i tend to always enjoy the more popular ships. although i did read a fake dating fic where james and evan fake dated to make barty and reg jealous, and ofc barty and reg fake dated to make james and evan jealous. (a star for a summer's day by moony_reggie if u wanna check it out!) so ill say james x evan. they had more chemistry together than i would've expected.

fuck marry kill james sirius remus - GOd. i cant even answer that question thats like the hardest thing anyone has ever asked me. uhmmm ill fuck them all, and then marry them all. if i had to kill someone itd be myself because i cannot be responsible for any of their deaths THEYVE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH!!

place i wanna visit - id love to visit new zealand. im a HUGE lord of the rings fan and they filmed the movies there so id die if i ever got the chance to visit. ive actually always wanted to visit london too (and a lot of the UK in general, especially wales and scotland) as well as italy & greece! i visited both on a school trip a few years ago and it was a dream come true but id love to go back.

fav book/book series - another brutal question but ill try:

picture of dorian gray

song of achilles

percy jackson series

shadowhunter chronicles (yes its the incest series NO THEYRE NOT ACTUALLY SIBLINGS I SWEAR! we dont talk about it.)

mara dyer series by michelle hodkin (underrated and so good)

hp series ofc

hunger games ALWAYS.

six of crows duology my beloved <3

most embarrassing thing ive ever done - oh man. okay lets see. when i was in 10th grade i had to take a spanish oral final at the end of the school year but i am an ANXIOUS woman and did not wanna do that so i skipped my spanish class until the end of the year. my best friend was in my class and my teacher kept asking her where i was until one day she told my teacher i had CHLAMYDIA and thats why i was gone. i guess her excuse worked because the teacher never asked again. the next year any time i saw that teacher in the hall she gave me a funny look but . i guess mission success? i never did have to take that final so. LOL

favourite thing i own - i have a set of lightsabers (yes im a star wars nerd (derogatory)) but also i have the ring from the lord of the rings! my precious truly.

if my life was a movie - i truly dont think my life is interesting enough to have an exciting title. i think the best i can come up with is "the underwhelming adventures of a crazy cat lady and her books". and thats just like abysmal so.

YOUR TURN!

do u have any pets?

fav fanfic trope?

do u have any weird talents?

whats your gas station order?

fav flower/plant?

fav planet?

and simply because now i have to know, most embarrassing thing youve ever done?

fav instrument sound? (like what sounds most pleasing to your ear)

and thats all! i eagerly await your responses and in the meantime ill be over here doing a little dance.🕺

-bee

bee hello hello hello 👋 i missed u <333

jegulus little women au ??? on god , sign me up for this right the fuck now. (& little women is genuinely so good. amylaurie truther 5ever>>>>)

(fic rec for u - no bright line by lady_grey - w/ sirius being an actor, remus being a historian & lily being the filmaker & matchmaker who fixes them up. james and harry are just there for the vibes honestly.)

tay tay -

sad beautiful tragic - JEGULUS - ‘long handwritten note’ - HELLO???? mr rab with the locket?? ‘kiss me try to fix it’ james trying to tell regulus to come and come that he’ll save reg , but reg already knowing he’s beyond repair. ‘for the life of us we can’t get back’ WHAT WHAT. they should’ve been happy your honour. ‘we both wake up in lonely beds in different cities’ the different places they wake up in especially during the summer holidays. ‘beautiful magic love there. what a sad beautiful tragic love affair.’ THEM THEM THEM THEY HAD SOMETHING SO SPECIAL AND THEY WERE SO TRAGIC.

the moment I knew- BLACK BROTHERS- i had to think about this one because I didn’t think anyone of my ships would betray each other like in this song. just not turn up or anything. BUT OF COURSE ! black brothers angst. i can just imagine sirius being like ‘bro i’m coming to your party bro’ & reg waiting but he doesn’t come because he’s getting smashed with the marauders. AHHHHH OH MY GOD NOW I’M ALL HURT. ‘your close friends seem to know when there’s something wrong’ - James being all ‘sup reg what up with u dude u seem a little depresso.’ i can just feel this song. very them .

the way i loved you - JEGULUS - i love this in the context of that jegulus had to break up and bartylus begins but then reg keeps thinking of james , like to me ‘frustrating intoxicating complicated’ is something reg would SO use to describe james. (ps - i’ve heard people use this for remus-grant in which it’s remus singing the song about sirius which i also agree with!)

now chatting time-

drarry ! i love them so much ! ‘harry had never been less interested in quidditch, he was rapidly become more and more obsessed with draco malfoy’ like BRO . i know what you are. ‘the boy who lived’ more like the ‘bi who lived’

and the personal dictionary thing is so real , isn’t it? it’s always like ‘ess check this’ ‘ess is there an a in definite’ ‘ess why is there a red line under this word’ .

and yes i agree red converse is very very james of me ! i love them so much they’re very dear to me. and green and black converse ??? very slytherin of you (i think the stars are so real of you #wolfstar5ever) i actually have a pair of stars converse !! on the little flap thingy , there is a little moon stitched on as well! when i saw them i was like ‘ i must own these’.

AND YES GREEK MYTHOLOGY FOREVER !!!! WE ARE THE BEST !!! the trojan horse was my obsession as a kid lmfao. i love that you took it to the next step though i could never do latin for so long ! (and i’m glad caecilius est in horto carries everywhere. it’s a staple of latin classes honestly.)

AND YESSSS saving lives is for cool people only ? are u a loser ? do you want to save lives ? if yes then u are no longer a loser ! (and nurses are definitely badass good on your best friend for opting for that)

(after the movies end i always be in the toilets staring into the mirror having an existential crisis like ‘well i’m gonna be in the mi6 now better get to training’ then the toilet flushes behind me and i get back to reality.)

little women ❤️❤️❤️❤️ (the 2019 movie >>>) ( and yes you must read iwwv that book changed my brain chemistry forever)

AND JUMANJI JUST SLAPS SO HARD HONESTLY!!! kevin and the rock together >>> . AND THIS YEAR’S APPRENTICE is on crack fr. if you watch it , you’ll notice there’s one guy who looks exactly like the hyde , honestly. and lord sugar saying ‘i hear you own a pest control business. any tips on how to get rid of piers morgan’ LIKE BRO YOU WENT HARD.

yes new york oh my god new york seems like the place that would make or break u. (not to mention that americans are a bit of a novelty here . like the candies , the cheetos the accents >>>) AND THE AMERICAN BIG GULP IS LIKE HUMONGOUS. HUGE . I must try it. (you have them in canada ??? that’s so cool)

RINGS ARE SO COOL. makes me feel all mysterious n shit , but i do too much lab work to handle wearing them all the time.

pop tarts & chinese takeout are simply superior. i don’t make the rules??

YOU HAVE CATS ??? I DON’T (yet. i plan on getting a black cat with green eyes. but a black cat) THAT’S SO SWEET AND AWESOME AND COOL AHHHHH. cats are so adorable honestly. (what are the kitties names ? i must know them and shower them with love from me !)

and yes INFJ !!! i love chocolate , but unfortunately i am not a werewolf so not totally remus. INTJ?? you little reg kinnie i see you there.

stars honestly i love them. light pollution is just so damning in london though. (and what??? that’s such a freaky coincidence oh my god !!!)

AND YES CHRISTMAS I LOVE CHRISTMAS !!! we did get snow last year but it melted pretty fast. We actually got frost a couple days ago , but not proper snow. i’m waiting for a real proper snow day again where the snow actually stays for ages. and lmfao you don’t get snow in canada ?? whenever i imagine canada i always think of three things - snow , maple syrup & mooses. it upsets me that not all of these things are everywhere in canada.

AND LMFAO NOT THE JAMES DOOR THING ??? it’s such a funny little thing because i see people bashing him for being dumb and opening the door and i’m like ‘guys.no’ (but he defo was wearing a costume.like that’s just the truth .)

your questions -

just enjoying the popular ships and not having a rarepair is so real of u. like yes i’m a basic bitch and i just want my jegulus + wolfstar. so what?? (and james & evan?? hmm never heard that before , i’m gonna have to check it out.) my rarepair is really really weird. brace yourself. it’s pansy x percy. i read one fic with them and i thought that was really cool so i think they’re sweet to read now and then! (the fic was the secretary by pacificrimbaud btw - recced by me but do read the tags for extra warnings ik not everyone likes that. it has wild child personal assistant pansy and rude controlling boss percy.)

not being to choose between them is so real . (me however ?? fuck james marry sirius kill remus. love u moonpie but mummy’s got a job to do.)

visiting places where movies got filmed is so surreal though isn’t it ?? and a lotr fan?? my mate’s one and she gave me the silmarillion to read for xmas . (it’s going to take me at least seven months to read because i read (1) page and got confused already.) AND VISIT LONDON YESSS !! very cool here usually , as long as you don’t bump into any roadmen. (I also want to go to italy and greece. Especially venice and athens >>>)

your fave books , i’m going through one by one

podg - isn’t ben barnes in the movie ?? so many edits i’ve seen of him with potd scenes , honestly i’ve got to read the book (& watch the movie of course , to sate my desire.)

‘name one hero who was happy’ & ‘ i am made of memories’ haunt me forever.

pjo is honestly so iconic. i’m waiting for the big old series to come out now.

IS THIS THE ONE BASED ON RON X GINNY FIC ?? like the one that goes ‘you’re my sister , my blood , i should want to protect you’ 😀😀😀 but i trust your judgement here bee!

never heard of this one. but i did just search it up , and the blurb is interesting so i’ve added it to my tbr !

hp did have my little year five self in a chokehold.

THE HUNGER GAMES OH MY LORD >>>>> peeta mellark and his baby bombs my god>>>

and soc ! i would read it except i have been spoiled for a certain chapter 40!

NOT YOU SKIPPING THE SPANISH CLASSES BECAUEE YOU DIDN’T WANT TO DO THE ORAL??? just say me llamo been and pass the exam 🤨🤨🤨🤨.now u got chlamydia too . and the teacher looking at you like ‘damn how she get chlamydia , this bitch be getting around.’

OMG LIGHTSABERS ??? i would so fight with them all the time that’s so so so awesome. (just looked up the lotr ring. it looks so elegant!)

ahhhh being a crazy cat lady >>>> (not abysmal cats beat people anyday.) my movie would be ‘drunk procrastinator’ because honestly i never do things on time and a little bit of sippy sip does release the stress sometimes. (the things i’ve done when under the influence will haunt me. my best friend has so much blackmail material on me .)

MY QUESTIONS —>

unfortunately not yet. but i do want to get a cat , so i’ll get on that asap.

when person a smells person b in amortentia , or when person a is given veritaserum and admits they like person b. i’m a sucker for that shit >>>

my weird talent is that i can eat an entire bowl of cereal in under ten seconds !! not useful at all , but it’s weird so yes , i consider it a talent !

i had to look up what a gas station was i got so confused. we call them petrol stations here so i was like ‘tf is a gas station’ BUT ANYWAYS! I don’t even have a car unfortunately, but my chauffeur (best friend) does and obviously i abuse the best friend privileges, and whenever he needs petrol i always get a pack of gum , a can of sprite (+ a diet coke for the driver man). (this is what you mean by gas station order , yes ? gas stations in canada don’t have restaurants in them right?)

favourite flower - poppies ! i adore poppies ! + lavender they’re so pretty // favourite plant - hyrdrangeas ! (they’re classified as shrubs so they count) very sweet and nice.

favourite planet - gonna be a real one and choose my gal pluto. she’s still a planet to me , okay???

i was at a funeral when i got a phone call . my phone was NOT on silent. and the worst part ? my ringtone was baby got back , so now the deceased’s family have a memory of ‘turn around stick it out even white boys got the shout , baby got back!’ in the middle of someone’s eulogy.

saxophone ! that shit RELAXING AS FUCK !

q’s for you to answer next time you come around -

what the fuck is putin (not the president)

unpopular opinion about the marauders

unpopular opinion in life

Dream car

do you watch the apprentice?

do you believe in soulmates ? (romantic or platonic?)

what’s your hidden talent?

Favourite villain ?

ever had your heart broken ?

ever broken a heart?

(bee you know the drill by now !! don’t be too long , I’ll miss you<333)

[thejoshuaglenn-blog]

You're a Good Boy, Charlie Brown

The key purpose of a Tumblr blog here is really a brain dump: logging thoughts, feelings, narrative and such is easier in long form than via a brief Facebook post that generates half a dozen "oh no, what happened" comments. As I'm writing this, most of it seems like bullet points and organized timelines. If you're looking for a TL;DR or current state of thoughts, it's the last section titled The Day After, and the Day After That.

A few days ago, Niko and I said goodbye to our first dog, Charlie Brown.

I'm not keen to chat about it a lot. There's more to process than I have time to type; most of it centers around being fair to myself and to Niko, taking the time to appreciate his life without beating ourselves up, and avoiding the overwhelming mire that grief can become.

Joining the Family

CB was a rescue, a hapless victim of the 2016 Louisiana floods and a happy-go-lucky participant in a "dog for a day" event hosted by a local shelter. I fully expected to rent him out for a day, give him a few great experiences, and return him. For myriad reasons, we never did bring him back to Pet Rescue by Judy, and he's been with us ever since.

At adoption, he was estimated to be around 4-8 years old. With a kicked-in shoulder that offset his collarbone and ribcage, some assorted dental issues, and other little signs of damage (cigarette burns, what the heck is wrong with people), it was tough to really gauge his age. That means he left this world at the ripe old age of something like 9-13, which isn't terrible considering all he'd been through.

Charlie Brown was the iconic good boy. He seldom barked, he never licked or jumped, and just wanted to be in the same room as his favorite people. He had a few toys that he cherished, never ripping them up, just carrying them with him from room to room and whining a bit, unsure of where he could store them for safekeeping. Apart from some separation anxiety issues and an occasional urge to bolt out the door and book it as far as he could, CB was by all accounts an easy first dog: more like a low-effort cat than anything else.

Slowly Falling Apart

Over time, the health issues increased. Intermittent but predictably regular upset tummy. Bad gums, bad teeth. Random gooey skin lesion. Eye ulcers. Since October, we've been averaging 2-3 unplanned vet visits a month — many incurring some hefty bills. We'd take out another credit card, find another financing plan, but it adds up. So does the emotional toil on the family; so does the anxiety toll on the dog.

You start to think about quality of life for the dog, you know? He'd had a few teeth removed to sew up his gums after they kinda detached and fell apart from his jawbone — so he couldn't chew anything hard. Couldn't even chew a tennis ball, which was the only toy he took interest in anymore. Couldn't have any fun treats like peanut butter or other soft chews, as his tummy would have bad flare-ups that usually ended up with him attached to an IV bag. After finally settling in and learning to play well with Atlas, Charlie Brown started to get pretty irritable whenever Atlas got frisky.

He still loved running around outdoors, and was in otherwise great health.

I can't tell you how guilty that makes me feel, even now.

Moving to Waltham

Before we left Orlando, there were so many crisis moments in emergency vet offices where Niko and I talked about how long he could ride this roller coaster. CB obviously was not a fan of vet visits: loved the staff, but was notably anxious and panicky when separated from us, and he had grown very loathe to the process of poking, prodding, and whatnot.

Shortly after moving to Waltham (he was a champ in the U-Haul), Charlie Brown had a severe colitis flare-up. He was losing so much fluid and was growing very lethargic over the day. Vets are hard to get into these days: with the sweep of "pandemic puppy" adoptions, the vet industry as a whole is saturated with demand, and practices are responding as best they can. There were just no emergency clinics available to us within 20 miles, except one that noted "we have no availability, but you can come and wait, and we might be able to see you in 4 or 5 hours." So we did.

It was a very late night. Charlie Brown came home with us with another round of the same antibiotics he'd been taking almost regularly since December for his assorted ailments, and some probiotics. The next day, CB seemed a bit better and brighter, and Niko and I went into the city for part of the day. We came home to find he'd had an accident, but it was just... blood. So so much. And he looked so in pain, so ashamed, so guilty, so anxious.

So we went back to the vet ER. It was another very late night. I didn't know how many of these late nights we could afford; neither of us knew how many of these late nights it was fair to expect Charlie Brown to endure.

Do you plan on letting a pet go after an extended crisis visit? Do you plan on letting a pet go in a time of relative peace?

Camping Analogy, and a Best Last Day

When you're off on a long hike, and you see daylight start to fade as the sun begins to set, you begin to think about finding a good place to set up camp for the night. It's abysmal to do this after the sun has already gone down: where you could have had preparation and structure, you have chaos by flashlight.

A dog's life is in your hands. You're his whole world: all food, adventure, pampering, challenge, treatment, and care come from you. More than anything, we wanted Charlie Brown to have a peaceful, restful life. Now that we started thinking about it, we wanted to be able to give him a peaceful, restful passing as well: not as the climax of another overnight crisis with injections and yelps and beeps and cowering and anxiety and fear, but in the still quiet of familiar sounds and smells.

His very last day was a great one. Fresh Pond in Cambridge: a massive stroll around a colossal lake with an absurd bounty of new smells, kind people, happy dogs, and a brisk New England breeze. He got to swim in a little side pond — that boy lived for jumping into random lakes. He ran around the broad field that is Kingsley Bowl, chasing a thrown ball the very very farthest his sad pop could throw it — and he brought it back. We bought him a steak. We told him how much he brought to our lives.

And then we waited.

Lap of Love is a sort of home delivery service of dignified passing for pets. There's more to say on that hour than I care to pen, but throughout the procedure, we never left him. Charlie Brown passed enveloped in our arms and laps and sobs and hugs.

The Day After, and the Day After That

The rest is just thoughts. Your head starts to feel like a coffee shop where your grief comes in, sits at a table with you, and unloads. You nod, listen, and wish them well. I hope I can keep processing this way — I find it helpful, and less overwhelming.

I wish he had been able to play with his tennis ball more. Since his jaw surgery — even out on Kingsley Bowl, nearly a month and a half after he should have been fully healed — any kind of chewing would cause renewed bleeding and pain.

I wish we had hugged him more. But truth be told, he didn't like hugs. They made him uncomfortable. So we gave him a hand to lay his head on, or a knee for him to pop his head upon, as often as he liked.

There were so many times I felt inconvenienced by owning a dog at all. They weren't the majority, but... now each remembered time feels like a splinter of selfishness.

I miss how familiar the back of his neck felt under my hand, just behind the ears, where the waves of fur meet and crash and make a long cowlick of foof and fluff.

His happy smile and his stressed smile were very similar, but you could still tell which was which.

I loved being there for him in thunderstorms.

When you think about it, we sort of were hospice care for him. We weren't his original owners; we just wanted the rest of his life to be painless and fulfilling. He had so many trust issues when he first came to us. And in the end, he loved anyone he met.

I miss feeling around with my feet to make sure I don't step on him on my way to bed. I miss setting my feet on the floor as I wake, stooping down, and giving his head a good squishy rub.

He never did get to see Boston snow. I mean... thousands of dogs never get to see snow. But I was really looking forward to sharing that experience with him.

I wanted so badly to bring him to a point of health, and then say goodbye when he was feeling well. Seeing him have his Best Last Day, part of me whispered "murderer" with cold accuracy, and I have a hard time shaking it. He was so happy — but between jaw bleeding after playing with a tennis ball, seeing him scratch his eyes that were starting to ache with ulcers again... I know the unbridled happiness came with the reality of his declining health.

Atlas was the best thing that ever happened to that boy. I know Charlie Brown was at least a little disgruntled that his easy-going day-to-day had been interrupted by a chompy puppy, but Atlas brought out the young pup in CB: ripping palm fronds to shreds, playing tug, playing tag, meeting new dogs with confidence and assurance.

I used to get so mad at my mother-in-law for feeding Charlie Brown cinnamon donuts. I wish I'd given him more. Heck, I wish I'd given him more peanut butter. I'm frankly surprised he hadn't died of peanut butter overdose years ago.

Where Charlie's health had limits, we kept going with Atlas. That might mean taking Atlas out to play with a ball or a tug toy, because CB couldn't. It breaks my heart now to think of Charlie at the glass door just watching it happen, all because he physically couldn't play the same. I know he didn't understand that.

We took him out to Park Ave maybe once or twice. I wish it had been more. Truth be told, it was the same as the dog park, though: he was kind of a loner. Loads of people or dogs made him anxious. So while I might idealize the past and wish he had sat at our legs for lunch after lunch at an outdoor thoroughfare, ... I think he would have been miserable. I think he would have rather just curled up at the base of the couch and dozed while we watched a show.

He was so trusting. I could just drag him onto his back and onto my lap for cuddles and a good tummy rub. No complaints.

He looked so gaunt these past few months. I keep looking at earlier photos, and I really didn't realize just how grizzly and drawn he had become lately.

I miss seeing him randomly waiting for me outside the bathroom door — or curled up on the bath mat while I was in the shower, having sneakily nosed the door open and wanting my company while I was rinsing.

For his first few years with us, he was incredibly playful. I've been going through old videos — it's like going outside just blew his mind, and toys were either for cherishing daintily, or thrashing about and throwing to oneself and gnawing. He lost that after a time. He regained it a bit when Atlas joined the party. But it still faded. I'm sure that's inevitable, but it makes me sad to see the early vibrant puppy in those old recordings, and how different he had been in recent months.

[haywitchhay]

Long post warning:

This is elaborating on the strange feeling or what I was calling "pokes" from my last post. I spent a few weeks, idk maybe 3, ignoring the feeling and eliminating all mundane possibilities before jumping into thinking it was a spirit trying to get my attention. I finally started the give in that this may be spirit so this morning, since I had some time, I set out to find some answers. I cleansed my space and cast a circle. Then I asked my *unnasigned/ community* pendulum if this indeed was a spirit trying to get my attention. The answer was yes. I continued as follows:

Is this one of my spirits? -no

Does this spirit wish me any harm or ill intent?- no

Is this spirit capable of communicating telepathically? Yes

Is this spirit honest and trustworthy? Yes

Should I approach with caution anyway? Yes *I ask this question as a red flag trigger question cuz ill always approach with caution when I dont know them and if the pendulum says no then i assume they are a tricky type of spirit*

From here I was finished with the pendulum. I reached out with my mind for my spirits, F, Iz, P and E to be sure they would have my back just in case. The response came from F "we are here hun. Never far away. E is still outside but ready to come at a moments notice. We will help you if you need." I'm so grateful for them ❤

So I begin to meditate and invite spirit to say something. Let them know that im here to listen. Eventually I get that weird feeling in the back of my skull that I get when having a telepathic conversation, so I say "hello, im *your favorite witchy cowgirl* how can I help you?"

.... hello.. my name is *R*, I have another but it doesnt translate..

"Ok *R*, nice to meet you, what can I do for you? I'm sorry it took so long to contact you"

.. its about time I was waiting forever..

"I'm sorry, I had to be sure and then i also have to keep my practice secret so i had to wait for the right time to attempt this."

... i understand..i was just curious. I was wandering around and noticed your energy and that there were other spirits here. I wanted to learn more..

"Oh yes, those are my companions."

..companions?..

"Yeah, im what some call a 'spirit keeper'. It isn't what is sounds like though, they are here of their own free will and are free to leave if they ever choose to without any hard feelings. I may be sad or miss them but they are their own beings and get to decide things for themselves. They are in my 'keep' because they choose to be and I do my best to take care of them. I give them offerings and spend time with them, as a group as well as individually."

...interesting. ive never known much of companionship. I was exiled from my realm for being a vigilante.. have been a nomad since..

"Sorta like batman?"

..i dont know who that is but I did crimes in the name of justice..

"So would you say you're somewhat chaotic but in a good way?"

... yes I like to cause mayhem but not for no reason.. ive been on many adventures..

"Very interesting. What are you, if I may ask?"

.. i am a lowland elf. My kind is much taller than yours. I have long dark hair, pale skin and my eyes are the color of grass..

"You sound beautiful. What about me caught your attention?"

.. your energy is different.. not like most of the other humans ive passed by.

"Different in a good way i hope"

.. yes not bad..

"Were you interested in companionship?"

...maybe.. i would probably want to roam as i have for so long. But its been a long time since I had a home..

"Well you seem nice. You're welcome to visit whenever you want so long as you don't disturb anyone."

.. thats very kind..

"What are things you like or like to do?"

.. i like justice and dark colored rocks. Or crystals that bring out the truth. The truth is the pinnacle of justice. I also like to forage, since my exile foraging has been my only way of survival...

"Thats cool. Ive been really interested in foraging for a long time. But im afraid that if I have nothing to give back I will upset the plant spirits."

.. you dont have to leave something for every thing you take, unless maybe in a sacred area. As long as you don't take all of something and you give thanks and respect they will not be upset. They know its their purpose and their part in the circle of life. Things live and die so that others can live and die. Give when you can and don't be greedy...

"That really inspires me to go out and forage more!"

.. great.

"Take some time to think about companionship. If you want a home and a place to come back to when you're done with an adventure dont be afraid to say so. Im pretty open to telepathy but if im out doing something you might have to get really loud to get my attention. We can bind our energies together so you'll always know where to find me. I will make you a place among the others where you can commune with us and rest, if you so choose."

..thank you. I will consider. Im not to sure I would want to be in one place for so long but I do get tired of being lonely and my work unappreciated...

"Well like I said you can do as you please. And around here we love a good vigilante. It'll be nice having someone to help me bring justice to those that try to wrong me."

*at this point my dog starts whining to go outside*

"I have to go now to take care of my animals. I appreciate talking with you and you being patient. I hope to talk to you again sometime soon."

.. likewise, farewell...

With that i closed my circle and started my morning choring. The *pokes* have ceased now so I know that wasn't in my head lol! I do hope he comes back. I get the impression that even though he's a tough vigilante that under that hes very kind and soft.

[melon-kiss]

Screaming, Pt 2

Link to the part on AO3.

__________

The curly-headed one has established a new routine. He comes once a week to visit. That’s new.

I don’t get many visitors here. There are nurses, who enter my room three times a day, forcing me to take meds. Well, I’m not the one to give in easily, so they have to put a lot of effort to make me swallow the pills and I don’t do it myself anyway. I look like a dog or a cat - they massage my throat until they’re sure the meds go down to the stomach. I feel sorry for them, but it’s not like I can do much more. My body is detached from my brain.

There’s also a doctor - Mark... something. I didn’t get his last name and didn’t care to ask. He comes by once a day to tell me what the weather’s like, how my blood tests came out and remind me how important it is to eat solid food. They can’t keep me on the IVs for much longer, he says. He mentioned something about me losing a lot of weight. I have to believe him because I don’t recognise my body entirely. He talks to me as if I didn’t know anything. Let me tell you something, mister - I may look like a vegetable but my brain is fine (excluding the major damages caused by LSD, of course). I know I’m in a hospital for the mental ones. I’m not stupid.

The doctor’s visits seem pointless. He looks at my patient chart, takes my temperature, checks my reactions. If the diagnosis were based on them, I would be out in no time. But it’s not. His visits are not completely useless, though. I managed to overlook the chart and confirmed the name once: Molly Hooper. It reminded me of a certain badge and a white coat. These were the memories from the morgue and lab. But I couldn’t see any faces, they were blurred. I remember the rooms, especially the lab. Nothing beyond. Still, it was better than nothing at all.

The curly-headed one comes once a week and sits down almost at the other end of the room, in the left corner. He always wears a suit but he doesn’t look like the police officer that came with him the other day. I can’t figure out what he does for living. He takes off his coat and scarf, and sits in his corner. He puts his hands like in a prayer and presses them against his lips.

And stares.

Endlessly.

Not once in six weeks he’s spoken to me.

His bright blue eyes study my face and my eyes follow his. I don’t take them off of him. I usually sit with my legs pulled up and pressed against my chest, with arms wrapped around my knees. He sits in the corner for about an hour. He doesn’t take notes, doesn’t look away. Doesn’t take a short round around the room to straighten up his legs. It’s a routine and it’s quite comforting to know what he’s going to do every time he drops by.

Then, after the hour is over, the puts on his scarf and coat, comes close to me. He places a kiss on my forehead and whispers something that sounds like “Norbury”.

But after those six weeks I notice a change. During the seventh week, I wait. I keep glancing at the clock over the door on Wednesday. He doesn’t have one specific hour we comes at but the later it gets, the more anxious I am. Not that anyone could tell - my body is still resilient to all brain commands. It’s heavy, like a medieval armour.

It’s almost nine in the evening when he walks in. I have no idea why he’s been let in at such a late hour, but he does come in. He looks pale and exhausted. His movements are slower than usual. There are dark circles around his eyes. He flops onto the chair and doesn’t look at me intensively anymore. He supports his head with the thumb and the index finger of his right hand and blinks but there are no more thinking traces in his eyes. He moves his eyelids up and down and they’re heavy from something that resembles pain.

He sits like this for about twenty minutes and then he pulls up his chair right at the end of my bed. He stares straight at me at the very close proximity of two feet.

I don’t have the slightest idea of what my face is showing but I know I feel frightened.

I understand what happened to me, I know the side effects of LSD. And I know that it wasn’t my weekly guest who drugged me - it was a girl named Eurus. Since he looks like a male, I don’t have any reason to believe he’s the perpetrator, but if I didn’t know any better, I would suspect it because the guilt filling his eyes is so heavy I wonder how he can walk without limping. But now, being close to him, I can feel the warmth of his breath. It’s fresh, very minty at the end of every exhale. My heart pounds pretty quickly comparing to last seven weeks but I still don’t move much. I feel trapped.

I try to tell him it’s not his fault. I really do. I can see he puts all the blame on himself and I would like to tell him to forget it. I don’t remember him anyway. He should find someone else and fall in love again (I hate those so called advices but they seem to work for some people, and I hope they would for him), maybe this time with someone less mental. He’s very handsome; I’m sure he won’t have a problem finding someone willing to take the pain away. He also seems very intelligent and perceptive. That’s always very attractive.

He looks at me for another thirty minutes and stands up unexpectedly. He locks my face in his hands and kisses my forehead, but then, he puts our foreheads together. I raise my eyes up to see his face and it’s all wrinkled with pain. He closes his eyelids very tightly.

“I’m so sorry, Molly,” he whispers and it almost sounds like crying. “Please, forgive me. Please. Please. Don’t hate me.”

I want to comfort him that I don’t even know him and therefore cannot hate him. It’s this Eurus gal. She’s nuts, not him. Maybe she hates him? I don’t understand why I would do it. Unless he was my bodyguard, he’s not the one to blame. And even if he were, it wouldn’t be his fault. He’s not the perpetrator.

The minute he straightens, one of the grey-haired visitors walks in. It’s the shortest one. He looks at the curly-headed, worried. He, however, steps back quickly.

“Sherlock, we should go.”

Sherlock. I come to realise that it must be his name. Sounds dramatic. Baroque. Funny even.

“I know. Thank you, John.”

I follow him with my eyes to the exit. He walks out without looking back.

I lie down on my bed and cover myself with a blanket. Although my brain has issues adjusting to the new reality it’s found itself in, my sleeping schedule is quite regular and looks good; I fall asleep around eleven, wake up at seven. My dreams are very basic - they are a mix of the hospital staff’s faces and childhood memories. My dad often comes to me and plays with me and my sister. I know he’s dead. I remember that much. It fills me with sadness. I have this one memory; our dad was always cheerful, even after he was diagnosed with cancer. But I caught him sitting alone in the bedroom once, going through our old family photos. I was quite certain he was crying. Being twelve back then, I had no idea what to do, how to help him, so I got back to my sister. Our dad came back to play with us five minutes later and he was cheerful again. If I hadn’t seen him earlier, I could never have told he was in pain.

Then, after I wake up, the nurses change my IVs, force me into taking meds, I sit. They try to feed me with solid food, like toasts for breakfast and pasta for dinner. I cannot make my body move towards the plates. I promise myself that I will try to force my muscles everyday to make a progress and maybe finally reach the food. I have to, if I want to survive.

But do I?

Do I want to return to the life I don’t know? Do I want to be out of the hospital, in the real world? Out of the warm comfort zone of my bed? Amongst the people I don’t recognise? All I have is the memories, more even like shreds of them. A man falling behind the window. A present? And the word: you. I don’t even know that it means.

The memories from the last visit of the unknown trio are without any faces again. They trigger my anxiety, so when I try to go through them again, I do it very carefully. I don’t know why it’s so difficult for me but I feel like there’s a huge weight to them. Maybe back then I felt emotionally attached to all those events? I can’t exclude any possibility. But the man... Have I witnessed a suicide? That would explain the fright.

And the curly-headed one. Sherlock. He’s handsome. But why would a man so attractive come to my hospital bed every week? He said something about love but if he does love me, I won’t be able to tell. His visits are not romantic. He doesn’t try to convince me to talk. He just sits there and stares. Maybe he tries to find a solution? Truth is, I start to like his presence. He’s arrogant but I feel like there are whole entire worlds to see under this obnoxious shell. I wish I could tell him about my thoughts, but my body does not cooperate.

I fall asleep to a voice echoing I love you in my head.

 * * *

 “...she’s definitely in dissociative fugue. It means that she blocks all the traumatic memories, or even more. Her memory can spontaneously get back entirely one day, or piece by piece... or never. Seeing you, all of you, can help but it’s no guarantee. Just talk to her but don’t force her into remembering anything. Use phrases she can remember, show photos of places she’s been to. But not too often and not too forcibly. It can get worse.”

The door to my room creaks when it’s being opened and the Three Horsemen of Madness come in. Not one of them looks happy to be here. I can sense their awkwardness. I imagine talking to me must be as weird as talking to a wall. The result is pretty much the same. Sherlock and the police officer sit, the short one, John, stands. They all keep a distance, as if afraid of my sudden attack. Considering my body does not belong to me anymore, there’s no threat.

“Hello, Molly,” John says finally. “I’m sure you have troubles remembering us... but we’re here to help you. My name is doctor John Watson. This is detective inspector Greg Lestrade and this is... Sherlock Holmes.”

This is the part where a normal person would respond but as it happens, I’m no longer considered normal. It has its perks, you know. My gaze jumps from one person to another. Detective inspector has a wrinkle of worry between his eyebrows and looks hurt. Doctor Watson anticipates some sort of feedback from me, apparently. Sherlock Holmes studies my eyes thoroughly again.

They all should be locked down here with me, to be honest.

“Sherlock and I are sort of... detectives,” John says.

Three detectives in my room. Am I a forensic pathologist? No, I remember St. Bartholomew’s hospital. I once met a guy named Jim there, who turned out to be gay. But someone had warned me about this before...

I see shreds of the lab. I feel dizzy and blink intensively, while John continues his monologue.

“...and you used to help us. You know, we could really trust you.”

...and I’ve always trusted...

“Molly.” Sherlock’s voice does it again to me - makes my heart race. I blink quickly. “We’d like to discuss a case with you. It’s very easy, I’ve found the resolution in about three minutes.” Ugh, cocky. “But that’s why we’d like to start with something very simple.”

He looks at Greg.

“Well, the victim was found naked in his own home, with only watch on his left hand,” Lestrade says. “The watch wasn’t working, it showed eleven thirty. It was male, thirty four, worked as a...”

“No, you’re doing it wrong,” Sherlock interjected. “You’re telling the story from the wrong point of view. How is she supposed to understand a word of what you say if you tell the story, starting from the middle?”

The cockiness again. Something in my body wakes up. I begin to feel a strange heat somewhere in my chest area. I’m close to rolling my eyes on him.

“Sherlock, I think it is the beginning,” John argues. “This is how the story begins for us.”

“Oh, come on, John, not you too!” Sherlock replies, annoyance visible on his face. “I understand that being an idiot must be difficult but it doesn’t excuse you from thinking at all.”

What?

John only rolls his eyes (finally, someone!). The argument gets hotter with every minute and Sherlock doesn’t slow down with the insults. I don’t like it. It’s getting on my nerves. “Idiots”, “morons”, “half-brainiacs”, “thinking requires a brain”. These phrases slip out of his mouth uncontrollably. I see now he’s the emotional one in this trio. John and Greg try to convince him to calm down but he’s on fire. He cannot be stopped.

“...and I’ve told you, the watch has been tampered with! Oh, his bloody fiancé set the time as a symbol of the number of days spent together. Until she’d found out about the lover, of course. A three-year-old could resolve this! Seriously, Lestrade, I’m starting to consider that they choose ONLY MORONS to be police officers...”

Before I can restrain myself, I hear my own voice:

“STOP IT!”

I feel like I’m outside my own body. I watch myself from a perspective of a third person. The room falls silent. I observe three pairs of eyes getting wide to the size of tennis balls. Sherlock’s sarcastic look on his face fades into fear.

Every vein in my body pulses furiously. The heat takes over my numb muscles. My face burns. The bones in my jaw almost hurt, when I say the words:

“JUST STOP IT!”

Suddenly I stand on my bed but not for long. I take a long leap and jump on Sherlock, pinning him to the floor.

Once again I’m in no control of my body. Something in my brain tells me to stop but my fingers wrap tightly around his neck without my consent. I’m out of control but this time, I can’t stop my body from moving, not from sitting still. He’s slim but strong and I’m certain he’s able to defend himself, especially with my arms so skinny and bones so frail. I don’t know if it’s the shock or the lack of strength, but he doesn’t do much to push me.

I feel John’s and Greg’s hands trying to pull me away, but my fury is stronger. My palms clench even tighter around Sherlock’s neck.

“Molly!”

I’m not Molly. I’m not the one they’d like me to be. Molly Hooper doesn’t exist anymore.

I look straight in Sherlock’s eyes. They’re bright blue, filled with tears. He seems to be begging me, but not to stop. Forgiveness. It feels like a sorry. And not even for getting me mad. I don’t understand. For a second I think I let go a bit of the clench.

You. I’ve seen those eyes before.

Dizzy. World spins. I tighten up my grip.

“NURSE!”

A few second later I hear the door creaking again. Several footstep approach me. They pull me back by my arms and shoulders, I fight it. I notice three nurses and a doctor. He holds a syringe in his hand.

“STOP IT!”

It sounds like crying. I shake, try to bite, kick everything and everyone. I toss and turn, and I’m not even in my bed anymore. My body is detached from my brain. Still. I want to be calm but I can’t. Everything in me says to be furious, so I am.

“STOP IT!”

My scream is so loud it makes my guests wince. The nurses and the doctor manage to hold me in their arms for five seconds. Sherlock slowly sits on the floor. I feel a sting in my arm, which makes me only scream more. Whatever is in that syringe, it starts working immediately. Sherlock’s frightened face gets blurry. Suddenly, I find myself lying on the floor.

“Leave me alone,” I mumble.

I see a colourful sweater, a kitchen and a telephone in my hand. Before I’m able to take a closer look, I drift away into a black emptiness.

[jackalopefreckles]

I feel like Ive aged at least 6 years since covid started. Im angrier. Less adapted to being outside then I used to be- which is saying a lot. This time last year I was?? Actually healthier mentally then I had ever been and looking forward to having the house alone for a month which?? Was the most freedom I wouldve ever had.

A lots fucking changed. I drove halfway across the country- all 30 hours at once with my big brother AND two elderly dogs, plus my cat. All animals on too many drugs (the vet said they couldnt overdose, and then failed to give any further instruction) cami peed on herself twice, unable to move. I had to waterboard her in Phoenix, a truly terrifying hell city where all the roads are raised and overlapping and its a hot as shit cause its?? What june?? Time was so fake this year I mustve just been stoned the whole time till I ran out of weed, and since moving its been a relief to be able to turn off the spinning anxious thoughts for a few hours

my big brother joined us. He brought a new dog with him which?? Is always a lot, plus I have this pack of dogs now cause the puppy wouldnt leave the super cancer ridden dog alone, and Im able to get her cbd regularly here, so shes always comfortable now instead of just?? Sometimes which is a lot nicer. We didnt think shed make it to chrisrmas. I thought shed die with me home alone to take care of everything, like always. It was almost a relief, I wouldn't have to coach my brother through the grieving process at least, and I had already finished. Its hard now even, for me to realize she might even have another christmas (but I wont hold my breath)

I feel safer going outside here then I did in Austin. I only went out a handful of times in texas, for the last few months I was ordering almost all groceries, and only going to the store once mask mandates were mandatory (theyre not anymore. Im so worried for texas. I missed a huge freeze by mere months. I dont think my elderly dogs wouldnt survived it. If I was alone with them, Im not sure I woudlve.

My parents took my brother to mexico with them. I begged them not to go, told them how irresponsible it was to travel across boarders. To visit an island and take all the plane germs with. I told them that even if my mom and brother were staying at home all day with me, my dad was still going to work and he didnt know what his coworkers were doing. That they wouldn't know what the people on the plane were doing. That at any point they could become the stupid americans that killed half an islands population.

They left a week after today last year. The boarders were closed the next day. Their friend has been traveling back and forth ever since. I have no idea how, except for the fact shes white and rich and wont hesitate to destroy a child, so I can only imagine how shed treat costomer service.

I will no longer allow this angry aggressive woman to ever make me feel bad, and I will allow myself to finally fight back. Im an adult, maybe not all the time (cause lets be real I'll always be a bit too eccentric for most) but when I get angry and allow myself that anger, it's not a bad thing. Anger doesn't have to make me feel like Ive done something wrong. Im usually very just in my actions, and I wont allow my parents influence to tell me all anger is misdirected and hurtful for reasons I couldnt understand. Its okay for me to be angry.

I think being alone with animals for months is at least reassuring that my childhood was unreasonable if nothing else. Which of course is a silly polite society term for pretty fucked, if nothing else.

My aunt had to gall to say weve had a good 2020 cause our family wasnt hurt, and I had to walk away from the zoom call. I haven't attempted communication with any of them since, not that I normally do. Of course none of us died, all rich old white people, most of them retired and able to stay home all day (not that all of them did, I learned about my grandfathers routine and just.. Im honestly surprised no one got it yet. Of course I knew from the beginning if anyone was gonna get it and die, it probably wouldve been me. Hence the 8 months of solitude before the move.

Was the move in August?? Im so unsure about time. Even with 2020 vision.

I tried to date when I moved here. Strictly on tinder. What was the point? On and off testosterone due to the wonders of texas, hadnt changed my body nearly as much as they should've a year after being on them. I look much more handsome now. Im also allowing myself to toss gender aside completely. He/him doesn't mean man, and they/them dont mean nonbinary, so why not mix them since Im?? Not really either.

It wasnt even a thought process like that to start. Much more "this is nice" which I think more gender should be allowed to be. Dont gotta be deep just comfortable.

I wont ever allow my parents to forget what they did. I ended up with three dogs I didnt want (I was so looking forward to not having any dogs) and I ended up taking care of my brother. Again. Its easier without my parents at least. Everything always is. My dogs are even happier. Cami finally isnt anxious 24/7. Again, a sad reminder my childhood wasn't great. Daisy is healthier. Trauma can be stored emotionally or with health issues, often both. I think the cancer dog getting better and?? Surviving and thriving so much longer then the vet said (how good was my old vet?) Is another unfortunate nail in thay proverbial coffin.

Im not as soft and openly loving. Im even more touch starved somehow. Harsher. I still want to choose love and compassion, but Im not letting myself fall into the trap of being so nice people wont be nice to you. Fighting back is something I wont feel shameful about, because it never stopped me from doing it completely anyway.

I was already reaching this on my own though. This was just more coffins, more nails. This didnt need to happen. We know our government let this happen. Its still letting it happen. Im not sure when Im getting my vaccine. My big brothers sick of quarentine and keeps trying to get us to go out. Sometimes I yield, and we go to a park, or the top floor of the parking garage. I get a vegan hotdog from nearby. We talk and laugh and were genuinely just. Boys being boys.

I shouldn't have to deal with parent shit anymore. I do though, especially since two out of three are unemployed and we can really only afford to live here cause of them (they owe me if anything though. Especially with my brother and these animals) I hope I can get a job soon. Or maybe even go back to school. Im lucky I had so much saved up (for top surgery, which I guess wont happen before Im 25 like I really tried for. I wouldve done it before now, but texas waitlists and rules kept holding me up. I literally went to an appointment in dallas, a 4 hour drive, just to found out the surgeon canceled on me for the second time)

Its incredibly depressing, and I know Im lucky to have had that stash. So many people didnt have anything and lost so much. People lost people. Half a million at this point. I remember when it got to 300,000 and I just?? Felt so awful it was so close to how many people we lost to AIDS. Its over that by so many now. It doesn't really stop, does it??

Is that catholic guilt?? Or maybe just irish guilt in general. Is it something I inherited or earned through all the end of the worlds and once in a lifetime recessions Ive been through. Im not sure how many off the top of my head, theyve been coming since I was so small and its always more and more. Im not even catholic anymore. I cant stop being irish though, even though the brits tried (and succeeded. Weve lost a lot. The current royal cotastrophy is bullshit as well, the only person who deserves a royal title is from Meniappolos

My home is decorate all inside for st patrick's day. My big brother loves it so Im going all out, and its def making me feel much more irish then usual (which is a lot Im over half)

I think I just wanted to say Im not the same. I hope I can still be happy an obnoxious is public. I wonder if I remember how

[creepy--pasta]

This is my own Creepypasta. It's called "Lacrymosa"

Her name was Lacrymosa Tea. Just as naming your child "Candy" predicts their future stripper career, her name almost guaranteed she'd be depressed. Lacrymosa is Latin for weeping/ sadness. Her father had run out on the family years ago and her mother was an alcoholic. Every night, she'd get drunk and beat her... that is unless her mother was on the phone with her sister all night. Lacrymosa cherished her aunt for that reason. They didn't live in the same state so the only way she could save her was to stay on the phone taking verbal abuse so that her niece wouldn't suffer physical abuse. She had no idea why she'd never reported it. Understandably, Lacrymosa was depressed. Her black hair hung limply around her face and her blue eyes once so bright had dimmed. She preferred to stay in the shadows. She preferred... to be away from people. By the time she was 13, she began cutting. It started when she was shaving her legs in the bathtub and the cheap razor broke. It cut a gash in her leg and at first, she swore under her breath cupping water in her hand to wash off the blood. However, as the blood oozed down, she felt satisfaction watching its path. The next day, Holly Hebert was teasing her again as usual in English class and she had a thought... the razor. This was a girl that sat behind her on the bus and cut her hair so it hung unevenly, put gum on her seat in class then pointed out the giant spot on her butt to everyone so they'd all laugh at her, threatened to beat her up daily, and often "accidentally" hit her with baseballs or volleyballs in gym class. She hated Holly. She didn't know who she hated more though...Holly or her mom. After school, she rushed home to dig the broken razor out of the trash and brought it to her room. She didn't hesitate. She placed the razor against her thigh and ran it in a long line. It bled just a little but it was enough. The sensation was hard to describe. It was like she was a balloon about to pop and the razor had let out some air. Just enough for her to function again. From then on, whenever she felt stress, anger, or any kind of unpleasantness, she would cut. Four years later, she was 17 and the cutting had all but stopped. Her thighs had visible scars from the years of cutting but so now did her upper arms and stomach. The scars were a reminder of the horrible things she'd done to herself. Sure she thought about doing it again, but she'd learned new ways to deal with her feelings. The one thing that helped most was the presence and attention of her little pug Evan. Her mother had gotten him for her and it was completely out of character, but Lacrymosa didn't question it at all. The dog meant the world to her. Shortly after she'd gotten Evan, her aunt had visited and seen the cuts on her body. She didn't deny it when her aunt had asked if her mother had done it. She couldn't admit she'd done it herself. In the end, her mother had gone to jail... and she'd been placed in her grandparents home. She felt bad she'd blamed her mother for the cuts but she'd done far worse to her for years. Bruises and broken bones her mother had gotten away with but now she was paying for her crime... even if it was technically the wrong crime. But that was years ago and she was able to sleep without fear now. One night she went to bed more exhausted than she'd ever been. So tired in fact that when a noise awoke her from a deep sleep, her eyes only fluttered open and barely registered a shadowy figure before falling deep asleep again. The next morning, Lacrymosa woke up to the sight of blood. There were cuts on her legs, stomach, arms, and wrists... just like the cuts she'd made herself for years. But she hadn't done these! She'd never even cut her wrists before. Why hadn't she felt any of it happening? Why hadn't Evan barked? She rushed to the bathroom to tend to her wounds then dressed in jeans and a long sleeve shirt to cover each bandage. She dashed out the front door ignoring her grandfather's greeting and rushed to school. She thought hard about the cuts. Had she done them herself? That's when she remembered the figure she'd vaguely seen the night before. Was it her mother? It had to be right? The next morning, she woke up and again... there was blood. Her cuts were deeper and the were more of them. She was scared now. She had to do something. Seeing the cuts was stirring something inside of her. She had the urge to cut again but no! She couldn't! She held Evan close and pushed the thoughts away. If it was her mom, she had to catch her. That night, she set up the camera on her computer to record while she slept and went to bed. The next morning, she awoke to the same cuts as usual. They were really getting deep now. Rushing to her computer, she stopped the recording and began fast forwarding through the footage. She watched herself sleeping covered only in sheets and moving slightly. She skipped through hours seeing nothing until she suddenly noticed something. Blood was seeping through the sheets. It was just a small spot at first but it grew quickly. Lacrymosa paused the playback. This wasn't possible. She'd watched closely and seen no one. She rewound the footage and watched again. There was no one there and yet there were cuts being made and blood pouring from them. The next night, she drank a ton of coffee mixed with caffeine pills. She was scared to sleep. It was like she was living a Freddy Kruger movie without the scary man and glove with knives for fingers. Trying her best to stay awake, she googled her problem. None of the results came close and she was about to move on and watch some videos on YouTube when a message popped up on her Facebook messenger. It was from a user with just the letter "D" for a name. She opened the message. It read: "We need to talk". Lacrymosa sat still a moment before responding. She had all but a dozen "friends" on Facebook (mostly family) and this was not one of them. "Do I know you? " she typed. "No, but we need to talk. It's about the cuts. Can you meet me? We can go somewhere public " She thought a moment. The cuts? How could anyone possibly know about that? Intrigued, she responded "How will I know who to look for?" "Meet me at the 24 hour McDonald's in town. I'll find you" Lacrymosa opened the window of her second story bedroom, pat Evan goodbye, and stepped out onto the porch roof. She then jumped onto the front lawn with a thud and got in her little beater car (a silver Neon her grandfather had gotten her for her 16th birthday) . When she got there, she looked around. She didn't know who she was looking for so she went to the counter to order coffee. As she stood there waiting for an employee to take her order, she felt a tap on her shoulder. "Hey" said a man. Lacrymosa turned around. Before her stood a very tall pale boy about her age. His long shoulder length hair was black and his eyes were a beautiful grey. If he didn't look so tired and worn out, he might actually have been attractive. "Are you..." she tried to ask suddenly remembering she didn't know his name. "Draco... yes" he replied. "Draco? Your name is Draco? Like Draco Malfoy?" Lacrymosa said realizing she was probably saying the wrong thing. He rolled his eyes. "Yes... my parents are really big Harry Potter fans " he said almost sarcastically. "Your name isn't any better. Lacrymosa... like the song Roman Catholics play at funerals" "You're right. Fair enough. Why haven't I seen you in school? " she asked. Before he could respond, a McDonald's employee interrupted. "Can I help you? " she asked. They turned to see a smiling woman behind the counter waiting patiently. Draco ordered and paid for 2 large coffees and started walking to a booth in the back. They sat down in silence for a few moments before Draco responded to Lacrymosa's question as though there had been no interruption. "I'm homeschooled." He said simply. "So..." she said "how did you know? " Draco looked up from his cup. Then he rolled up his sleeves to reveal his arms full of bandages with blood seeping through. "You and I... are in trouble" he said. She tried to respond but he held up his hand. "Let me explain something first. Then we'll discuss it". Lacrymosa nodded quickly "I had a dream last night. In it, my sister who passed a year ago... told me to find you. I thought at first that she was talking about some drink... sorry. She said we could figure this thing out together." He paused. "Have you tried to record it?" Lacrymosa nodded. "Me too. It doesn't show up on camera. Ive never seen it..." he leaned in closer "but I think I know why it's happening. Before it started, were you a cutter?" He asked. She nodded, "but I'd stopped! It's been a year! " he smiled. "I think I'm right then. I was a cutter too. There has to be a connection". They sat in silence for a few minutes. "So how do we figure this out? How do we stop it? " Lacrymosa asked. Draco shook his head. "I don't know but we've got to try. Let's keep in touch. Call me if you figure anything out and i'll do the same" he said. They talked for a long time that night about their problem as well as other topics before going their separate ways. Lacrymosa found out he'd been homeschooled because of horrible bullying. They had that in common but he lived with two very supportive parents so they didn't have that. They seemed to instantly bond united by a common problem and goal. It felt nice to finally have a friend. They spent every free moment together for the next month. They barely slept and it got to the point that Draco would sneak into Lacrymosa's room at night and they'd sleep in shifts with one of them awake at all times keeping watch. They were becoming very close now. One night Draco didn't come over. He'd fallen asleep on accident and around 2 am, Lacrymosa was woken up by her phone ringing. It was him and he sounded terrified. "Can I come over? " he'd asked. She agreed of course and within 20 minutes, Draco was on her porch roof tapping at her window. Lacrymosa let him in and he rushed into her arms. "I spoke to it" he whispered. She pulled away quickly to look at his face. He was serious. "What?!" She asked. He nodded closing his eyes. Lacrymosa guided him to her bed and they laid beside each other. She held him in her arms as he explained. "I caught it in the act" he said. "I woke up when I felt a presence beside my bed so I opened my eyes and...I heard a laugh" Lacrymosa held her breath as he spoke. She wanted him to explain and feared he'd stop if she made a noise. "I'll spare you the details but it said that hurting yourself is an unspoken contract with it. Whatever this is... it doesn't like that we stopped cutting ourselves. It's trying to renew that urge inside of us to make us start up again and the only way to make it stop is to continue cutting...or cut someone else" He stopped and looked into Lacrymosa's face. "Each life we take..." he whispered "will give us 2 weeks". They lay there in silence for what seemed like an eternity. "I can't cut myself again. I can't. I'm already too cut up" she finally said. "Me too" "But I can't kill someone else! " "Me either" "So..." "So... what now?" Silence again. "Who would you off anyways? You know... if we did it" he asked. Lacrymosa thought a moment." Oh she knew who. She knew 2 people actually. Draco was homeschooled but he had a few names as well. "I know who" she said. "But let's think on it. Sleep here from now on. That should keep us safe for now". They stared into each other's eyes for a moment before their lips touched. That's when they realized... they were more than friends. They'd come to love each other very much. It had happened quickly but neither of them had ever had someone they cared about as much as they cared for each other. Together they could get through anything. "I love you Lacrymosa Tea" he whispered. "I love you too Draco Riley". Every night for the next six months, Draco snuck into Lacrymosa's room not to keep watch but to sleep beside her... and all was well. No blood. No cuts. They thought they'd found a loophole. For those six months, they were the happiest they'd ever been. This had to be why they were being left alone by the entity that cut them. Love was stronger than whatever it was. They did everything together now. They'd even met each others families and Lacrymosa felt that one day they may be joined. She shared this thought with Draco and he'd laughed, hugged her, and said "wait for me will you? That's my job to ask you". They both graduated High School and celebrated their 18th birthdays (which were only weeks apart). They made plans for the future and even began to forget about their ordeal. They shouldn't have forgotten. One morning at the end of the six months, Lacrymosa woke up beside Draco as usual. Her eyes still closed, she smiled as she rested her head on his shoulder and snuggled up closer to him. But something was wrong. He was cold. She opened her eyes and immediately saw blood. All over the walls. All over the ceiling. She sat up and looked down at herself. She was full of blood but it wasn't all hers. She turned to Draco. She would have thought he was just sleeping except that he was an ugly shade of blue and he was covered in blood. His shirt was ripped open and carved into his stomach was "no loopholes" The next few days were a blur. Her grandparents were confused as to why he'd been in her bed, the police interrogated her about how he'd died beside her and she hadn't noticed, but they didn't ask about the message carved into his body... it was as though they couldn't see it. She didn't say a word. She didn't know what to say... she became catatonic. She was checked out and after seeing her cuts, she was stitched up and taken to a mental hospital. She missed Draco's funeral of course but that hardly mattered now. The thing... whatever it was... had taken Draco from her. For days she was in that hospital. Waking up with fresh cuts that were immediately stitched up. The staff were clueless as to how she was getting them and by the end of the week, she was covered in ugly black stitches... she now resembled Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas. Even in her face. Draco's parents visited her. Pleading for information... asking if she'd done it. She didn't speak. All she could do was cry and shake her head. They eventually left empty handed. Lacrymosa hadn't spoken a word since the morning she lost Draco. One day she was sitting in her room staring at the wall when she noticed a brick that was loose. She pulled it out and found that someone had hidden a knife inside. Suddenly she heard footsteps and quickly hid the knife under her mattress. She had a visitor... her mother. She strode into the room and sat down in a chair. "I got out" she said. Something in Lacrymosa snapped. Draco was put in the back of her mind for a minute and all she could think of was the things her mother had done. Everything Holly had done. All the reasons she started cutting in the first place. "They said you wouldn't speak...I hoped you'd talk to me at least. " she sighed. "You look awful". Lacrymosa stayed silent as her mother continued to talk. She yelled at her for not talking, blamed her for "that boys" death, and of course for putting her in jail. Lacrymosa couldn't stand the look on her mother's face. She was getting angrier and angrier the longer they sat there. She stood up and so did her mother. She probably thought her daughter was going to hug her or something but as she took a step closer, Lacrymosa swiftly made a move for the knife and slit her mother's throat. Dropping to her knees, her eyes pleaded for help. But her daughter just stabbed each eye... and walked away. Lacrymosa walked through the hospital slashing the throats of patients and staff alike. She swore she heard the chords of a Lacrymosa playing and began to hum along. How she walked all the way home in a now bloody hospital gown is a mystery. No one was home when she got there and she went straight up to her room... to where she'd last seen Draco and began to cry. For the first time in weeks, she spoke. Just one word. "Draco". Two weeks after the Greenleaf City post reported on the New Hope Hospital Massacre, it reported on the death of a recent High School graduate named Holly Hebert. Her throat had been slashed just as the victims at the hospital had but the word "bully" was carved into her arm. She wouldn't be the last.

[p4nkow]

Happier - part IX

Here we are! Technically it’s the last part of this fic but practically there still is the epilogue yet! It’ll be my chance to leave to y’all my thank-you-notes and tell you how grateful I am :)

So, enjoy the reading and let me know what you think of it! 

Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII

Summary: you work as an assistant at EMI and you meet Roger while organising Queen’s gig at Hyde Park. lots of fluff but then, after months of relationship, Roger admits something that breaks your heart and the two of you break up. You try to move on and so does he, but after two months of being apart you meet at a pub and you both have a date. What will happen? But most importantly, will you and Roger fall in love again after being forced to see each other everyday?

You were so nervous during the ride that you just couldn’t stay still. That’s probably why you gained a few confused looks by your uber.

“You okay, miss?” The old lady seemed worried so you fake a little smile and just nodded.

“Yeah, just a bit nervous.” To say ‘a bit’ was an understatement, actually, but the lady nodded at your words.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking but is something important happening to you today?”

You bit your lower lip at her question. Talking to her helped you not to overthink about what you were about to do and that’s why you gave her a grateful smile before answering. “Something like that, yeah. Could you...” You felt a knot in your throat as you kept talking. “Could you please wait for me? It won’t take long.”

The lady nodded without moving her gaze off the street and you sighed in relief. “Yeah, I can do that.”

“Thanks.”

And now, while climbing the stairs of the building, you were more and more sure of your decision, because you’d finally understood what your heart wanted and needed.

But you couldn’t bring yourself to knock at Noah’s door, and while you tried to force yourself to do it, you caught the attention of his neighbour.

“He’s home, if you’re wondering.” A mid-aged lady was looking at you, leaned against the half-opened door of her apartment. You turned towards her, giving her a tight smile and murmuring “Thanks.”

“Are you his girlfriend? The one of the dog?”

You narrowed your brows at her words, secretly hoping Noah wasn’t hearing the conversation. “I’m sorry?”

The smile of lady didn’t change as she narrowed her eyes. “A couple of weeks ago he nicely asked me if I could look after his girlfriend’s dog — which was really an angel, let me say. I think he went to visit her somewhere. Was that you?”

Her explanation left you speechless and that’s why you just nodded your head ‘yes’ at her question. At least you knew Ringo had been in good hands.

Did really Noah call you ‘his girlfriend’ or was it just an assumption of the lady?

“Yeah, it was me”, You softly said, but you felt your heart sank at her words. Noah’s come back heartbroken from that little trip in Montreux.

After reassuring her of the fact that Ringo was just fine, she went back to her flat and you finally knocked at the door, not without taking a deep breath first.

Noah was clearly surprised to see you, given the shocked look on his face. “Y/N.”

“Hey.” You gave him a tight smile, anxiety eating you alive as moments passed. “May I come in?”

He seemed busy — his hair was messy and you noticed he had bags under his green eyes. “Of— Yeah, of course.”

He stepped aside and you walked in the flat, looking at him in silence while he closed the door behind you. You gave a quick look at the flat, which was full of papers and notes. “Are you busy? I hope I’m not bothering.”

“Oh no, no.” He slipped his fingers through his hair and sighed deeply. “I was just working.”

“I won’t stay for long, then.” He nodded towards the couch, silently asking you to sit next to him. While you did that, you turned towards him and said “I’m leaving.”

He narrowed his brows, placing his arm on the back of the couch, his eyes fixed on yours. He seemed tired. “For tour?”

You nodded your head ‘yes’ at his question. “Yeah, I’m joining the band in Paris and then we’ll leave for the US.”

“Yeah, Prenter told me. I called a few days ago to make sure everything was fine.”

There were a few moments of silence, which you decided to break by saying “I’m sorry.”

He narrowed his brows at your words and his lips parted given that he was about to say something, but you interrupted him. “Please, just listen to me.” And when he nodded in agreement you kept going. You took a deep breath, placing your hands on your thighs to stop them from shaking. “Roger and I x- we’ve met in ‘76. I was organising Queen’s gig at Hyde Park and that’s how I’ve known him. We’ve been together for two years before breaking up.”

You could tell Noah wasn’t happy about the subject of the conversation but he nodded at your words, telling you to keep going. “The day we met him during our first official date, we’d broken up for two months. The reason why I... lied to you, it was because he hurt me. He hurt me more than I liked to admit, but I haven’t been fair to you.”

You took a deep breath, raising your gaze to meet his. He was looking at you with attention, following every single one of your words. “You gave me the quietness and lightheartedness I needed and I’ll forever be grateful to you for that.”

Your tone was low and soft  when you placed a hand on his arm, giving him a tight smile when he did the same. “And I know I hurt you, even though I never meant to. I’m so, so sorry.”

“I believe you”, Noah said, speaking for the first time after hearing your explanation. He looked away just for a few moments, taking a deep breath before looking at you again with a sad smile. “And I know you well enough to know this is a goodbye.”

His jaw clenched when you nodded your head ‘yes’ and he sniffled. “Yes”, You whispered and he nodded. A chapter had been closed and another one had still to be opened.

-

It took you and hour and a half — the length of the flight from London to Paris— to find the right words to say to Roger once you’d get to the airport. You knew he’d be there, John had told you so the day before when you called him to check on Michael, and that’s why you were incredibly nervous.

Talking to Noah made you feel like you’d taken a weight off your shoulders but there still was another obstacle to overcome: finally telling Roger that you were still bloody in love with him.

Every step you took to get out of the terminal did nothing but make you more and more nervous. You were holding your baggage so tight that your knuckles turned white.

And there he was, in all his glory. Roger was of course wearing one fur coat of his and the brown shades you’d started to like. His hands rested in his pockets and he was looking towards the terminal to spot you, probably ignoring what Brian was telling him.

Finally his blue eyes met yours and it was like being able to breathe again after weeks. He took a few steps towards you, leaving the boys behind him. It was like you were attracted to each-other with a magnet and when you finally got in front of him you just couldn’t stop smiling. He seemed amazed and extremely excited to see you again, his lips parted as if he was about to say say something but then he changed his mind.

“Hey, Rog”, You softly said as your smile grew wider. He took off his shades and finally his blue eyes met yours.

“Hey, love”, He replied with a grin. You let go of your baggage and threw your arms around his neck, holding him in a tight embrace. He gently caressed your back as he placed the other hand between your hair, whispering in your ear “Missed you.”

You didn’t know how to reply, given that you were still trying to summon up the courage to tell him the truth, so you limited yourself to hold him tighter.

When you leaned back to meet his eyes, you placed your forehead against his, his blue eyes fixed on yours. You gently caressed his cheek, appreciating the familiar feeling of his skin against yours as you noticed that your lips were just a few inches away from his.

“Just give them some privacy!”, You heard Veronica murmur and you chuckled, backing away from Roger as Freddie moved closer to you.

“Oh my dear, everything’s been a mess since you left!” He placed a hand on your shoulder and you were more than happy to notice that he hadn’t changed at all — he was still as dramatic as always.

“But I’m back now.” Your words came muffled to his ears when he hugged you tight and you let out a small laugh.

“And please never leave again.”

“Is it my turn?”, Brian asked, looking at you with the biggest smile as you greeted him.

“Missed you, space boy.”

He gave you an amused look by hearing his old nickname and replied by saying “Missed you too, bossy.”

“Ok that’s enough”, John said by stepping in the conversation. His smile grew wider as he met your gaze and you let out a little squeak of excitement before hugging him tight, murmuring “I’m so sorry. I should’ve been here.”

“Oh hush, Y/N. As you said, you’re here now.” You quickly nodded, trying to hold back the tears while turning towards Veronica.

“Hey, you”, You said with a smile, trying to fight back the knot in your throat.

“Hey, auntie”, She replied and you lowered your gaze to the baby she was holding — little Michael was the most beautiful baby you’d ever seen.

“I wanted to be here for you”, You whispered, meeting again her gaze.

“But you’re here now. You needed your time, Y/N. Don’t apologise for that.” You nodded and gave her a sad smile, so she said in a cheerful tone “Now, I introduce you Michael Deacon.”

Your smile grew wider as you looked at the baby, his little hand wrapped around your index finger. “I already love him.”

“Fine, let’s go”, Roger said after clearing his throat and the look in his eyes when you me this gaze made your heart race. Because all you saw in his deep, blue eyes was love.

You spent most of the ride to the hotel playing with the baby, updating the boys on what was happening in London and hearing their funny stories of their recordings in Paris. You’d leave for the US in the morning and one could easily feel the excitement in the air.

You hadn’t the chance to see much of the city but when you got to the hotel you were amazed by its architecture. Roger noticed your amazed look and asked “You like it?”

“It’s so… posh.”

“Posh?”, He asked with a small laugh and you nodded.

You were about to drop your baggage — it was so heavy you could barely hold it — but he noticed it and quickly grabbed it, his hand touching yours by doing so. “It’s so heavy, you don’t have to do it.”

“I’ve got it. C’mon, I’ll show you your room.”

And as you walked through the hallway of that amazing french hotel, there was a weird silence between the two of you. Roger was lost in his own thoughts and you were desperately trying to find the right moment to confess him everything.

“I went to Noah’s before coming here.” Probably not the best subject of conversation but you wanted to be honest with him.

“Did you?”, He asked and he didn’t seem happy about it.

“I wanted to make things all clear with him before…”

“Before what?” He asked, stopping by the door number 26. He rummaged in his pocket to find the key and shortly after the door opened with a loud ‘click’.

You hadn’t answered his question yet and that’s why he gave you a questioning look. “Would you like to come in?” You asked him instead and he just nodded, his brows narrowed in confusion.

“Yeah, of course.” He placed your bag next the door and took his coat off, placing it on the back of the door in which he seated. “D’ya wanna talk about something?”

“Actually, yes. Just listen to me, ok?” You took a deep breath and you felt like having a déja-vu of when you broke up — but hopefully this time there’d have been a different ending.

“Yeah, love. Go ahead.” He seemed interested and confused at the same time.

You quickly nodded and sat on the feet of the bed, afraid that your legs’d have ceded. “You’re arrogant”, You started.

His brows lifted in surprise and he lifted a corner of his lips in an amused grin. “Strong beginning.”

“Shush just for a second. Please?”

He raised his hands in a silent apology and nodded towards you as to say to keep going. “You’re arrogant and sometimes you’re unbelievably annoying. To be honest I hate the way you drive my car — and by the way, before you say something about it because I know you would, yes. I can drive properly.”

Roger chuckled at your words and you couldn’t help but smile. “I won’t say anything about that.”

“You better”, You quickly replied, pointing at him with your index finger. “And that obsession of yours for your hair… don’t even get me started. I hate the way you smile at me when you know you’re right and I’m wrong and I really don’t like the fact that we the only way we solve our problems is in our bedroom because we can’t keep our hands off each other for just five minutes.”

“Love, where are you going with this? ‘Cause you’re doing nothing but list my flaws”, He asked, honestly confused. And he was right.

“All I wanted to say is… that I’ve loved you since the very first moment also because of your them. We all have flaws, they shape us and I’ve learned to love each and everyone of yours. I love how you give me tips to improve my driving skills, I love when you make me fix your hair, when you smile at me like I’m the only woman around, when you touch me and give me goosebumps. I love when you take care of me, even when I’m piss drunk, or when you share your music with me. I could go on forever but the point is, I love you.”

Roger’s smile grew wider and wider as you kept talking, and you couldn’t help but smile back. “You still do?”, He softly asked and you nodded.

“Always have and probably always will. That’s why I had to make things clear with Noah.”

Roger stood up with a surprised look on his face and took a step towards you. “Y/N, I…”

“But if we’re going to do this”, You quickly added. “I have to be sure that it’s just you and me. No Nicole, no Noah, no other women. Just the two of us.”

“Love”, He said and he was now right in front of you so you stood up, too. “It’s always been just the two of us, y’know that.”

You gave him a tight smile and he surrounded you with his arms, holding you in a gentle embrace. His hand was between your hair and his cheek was leaning against yours. He took a deep breath as you hugged him back and he leaned back to meet your eyes. “There are no other women, princess. You’re the only one I love.”

You slowly nodded and you placed your hand on his neck, gently caressing it. “Do you remember the first time I told you I loved you?”

“Yeah”, You replied with a little laugh. “You said it in french.”

“Je t’aime”, He softly replied with the biggest of the smiles on his face.

“You remembered.” You were more than amazed by the fact that years later he still remembered.

“‘f course.” And there were a few moments of silence before he murmured deadly serious “Marry me.”

“What?” You narrowed your brows in confusion and he nodded as to confirm his words.

“Marry me, Y/N. Make me the happiest bastard of this earth.”

“Are you crazy?” You murmured but you couldn’t help but smile. “We just got back together!”

“Is it too absurd? I just want you to be Mrs. Taylor so bad.”

“Mrs. Taylor”, You repeated in a low tone, looking at him in the eyes to find any trace of doubt. There wasn’t any. “Sounds good.”

“Bloody good”, He confirmed with a toothy smile and you chuckled. When you hesitantly placed your lips on his, he tightened the grip on your waist and pushed your body close to his. And for the first time in months you weren’t just kissing in the throes of passion, anger or frustration.

You could finally feel the love. And you were happier that you’d ever been.

Taglist: @but-legendsneverdie @ohtheseboysilove @xgypsy-witchy-vibes @queen-turtle-boiii @scarsout @hystericaldancingqueen @mercurycrowley @protectrowanwhitethorn @70sarreaga @loveandbeloved29 @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogahloveshiscar @queen-crue @luckytrashgooprebel @16wiishes @rogershoe @rogertaylorsgirlfriend @luvborhap

If you wanna be added in the taglist just tell me 

[a-splash-of-stucky]

By Morning Light | iv

Pairings: Bucky x Steve x Reader (though technically no Steve in this part)

Summary: Steve leaves for a mission and Bucky doesn’t handle it too well. It’s up to you to take care of him

Warnings: Nightmares, minor angst, Sad!Bucky. Unprotected sex (wrap it up, kids!), vaginal sex, nipple appreciation (sounds weird, but it’s nothing too kinky). Mention of suicide bombings in passing.  

Word Count: 4.1k

Notes: IT’S HERE!! After many, many long months, it’s here. I got my act together and made myself write this chapter and actually? It’s not what I thought it was gonna be, but I’m still happy with it. Enjoy!

I recognise that the general plot of this story is a bit like some nights (i stay up) and that parts of the description are similar to Steve “Fight Me” Rogers… but I swear I wasn’t trying to copy my own fics, haha.

Series Masterlist | My Masterlist | Wanna be on the taglist? See here

~ even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise ~

Though you hate it when both Steve and Bucky have to go on a mission, life is a lot more miserable when only one of them has to leave.

When you’re left on your own, you only have yourself to manage. You’ve taught yourself how to cope with their absence — or, well. Perhaps more accurately, you’ve taught yourself how to get through each day. After being in a relationship with them for so long, you’ve developed a routine, and you know what you need to do to distract yourself from the matter at hand. Yes, it’s difficult, but at least you only have yourself to worry about.

If one of the boys is at home with you, your routine has a tendency to go belly-up.

Steve’s not so bad.

Being left with Steve is akin to being left alone with a very big, very mopey puppy. He follows you around everywhere, and needs to be touched constantly — though he’ll never admit it.

There’s a restlessness about him. He reminds you of a caged bird, aching to be freed. He’ll flit from room to room like a ghost that has lost its way.

When it comes to Steve, the best thing to do is to keep him busy. You take him out for walks (further lending support to the fact that he basically turns into a big puppy) and bring him to any and every exhibition that might be on. That’s how you ended up forking out sixty bucks each to visit a science exhibition about fungi, that one time.

Steve has a hard time sleeping when Bucky’s away, which means that you need to drive his body to the point of exhaustion before you can get him to shut his eyes for anything longer than a ten-minute power nap. You need to push his body to a stage where it physically cannot function without sleep. There are a number of ways of doing this, but you’ve found that marathon sex and super-intense workouts tend to be the most effective methods.

So, if anyone on the team is around, you hand Steve off to that person, with clear instructions for them to tire him out. If it’s Thor, he and Steve will engage in a game of lightning-frisbee that affects the weather across the whole of New York. Natasha will spar with him until she’s got bruises and minor cuts decorating her sides, whilst Sam will do laps with him around some park or other. Or rather, Steve does laps around a park, and Sam whizzes beside him on his motorised scooter.

With Bucky, your life gets a little bit more complicated.

Where Steve might be likened to a needy puppy, you would perhaps describe Bucky as a feral street cat.

The thing with Bucky is that he becomes more unpredictable. One minute, he could be crawling into your lap like a kitten who needs cuddles and attention, but the next minute, he could be holding you at knife point. You can never tell what he’s going to do next.

Life without Steve is mentally and emotionally draining, both for you and for Bucky.

He reverts back to the behaviour that he exhibited when he first started to break his HYDRA programming. Though you weren’t there during that period of his life, you’ve pieced together the details based on what Steve has told you and from the information that you’ve gleaned from reading Bucky’s files. The anxiety, the nightmares, the meek subservience; they all come rushing back at full force.

You’re not sure why Bucky does this. You think that maybe, it’s because he feels more secure whenever Steve is around. There’s always someone there to watch his back, so he feels comfortable enough to let his guard down. Without Steve, even the smallest thud can set him off; he’s on a hair-pin trigger, constantly on high-alert.

Besides the semi-hostile demeanour, he also gets fiercely protective of you. He’s always making sure that you stay well away from any sightlines and is constantly watching you from the shadows, protecting you from...who knows what. You indulge him in his requests, though it does get annoying when he insists that you use the bathroom with the door left slightly ajar.

Whereas Steve never wants to be left alone, Bucky never leaves you alone. He always ensures that you are within his field of vision, even if your attention is not necessarily on him. There’s an overstuffed armchair in the corner of your home office that Bucky likes to sit in when he’s exhibiting this abnormal behaviour. He watches over you like a solitary hawk.

Bucky can’t leave the house when he gets like this. For starters, it’s nearly impossible to coax him into coming out with you. More importantly, that fearsome protectiveness renders him a potential threat to the public. He sticks close to your side and bares his teeth at anyone who so much as looks at you funny. If anyone touches you, Bucky will let loose a threatening growl, like a guard dog. After one fateful incident which involved Bucky nearly decapitating a waiter at a restaurant, you’d made the executive decision to not let Bucky go out in public whenever Steve went away for a mission.

He doesn’t eat unless you tell him to. He will not rest until you order him to strip and get into bed. He becomes non-verbal, answering your questions with  — at most — two-word answers. It’s torture for you to see him like this, but you know that there’s nothing that you can do.

You don’t know why, exactly, he acts like this, but you think it has something to do with him feeling helpless.

Steve is perfectly capable of looking after himself — uh, most of the time, relatively speaking — when he’s away on missions, both of you know this. However, your theory is that there is some part of Bucky’s brain which believes that Steve is safest when Bucky is watching his six and therefore, if Bucky is not watching Steve’s six, Steve must be unsafe.

This time around, it’s Steve that’s gone.

Bucky is not handling his absence very well.

He left for Jakarta two days ago, and is due to return within the next three days. You’re not privy to the exact details of the mission, but you know that it has something to do with a string of recent suicide bombings in the area.

It’s been a rough couple of days for you both.

Today, you’d woken up with a metal hand wrapped around your throat, and things had gone downhill from there. The only real accomplishment you’ve had is that you managed to Bucky to eat some chicken and rice for dinner, which is basically the only proper meal he’s had the entire day. After dinner, you’d bundled him into bed and forced him cuddle with you.

You fall into a restless sleep sometime after ten. You’ve wrapped yourself around Bucky so that he can’t leave the bed. His back is pressed to your chest, your arm is slung over his torso and your cheek is resting on the back of his shoulder. He will never admit it, but he much prefers being the little spoon when he’s not having a great day.

Sometime during the night, your fitful sleep is broken by the sound of quiet whimpers.

You crack open one eye and squint at the world blearily, as your sleep-fogged brain struggles to make sense of the situation. It takes a second for reality to come into focus, but you soon register the fact that the body beside yours is trembling, violently enough for the vibrations to be felt across the entire mattress.

“No,” he’s saying, voice shaky and riddled with fear.  “Please—please, no, not her, please not her.”

Concern floods your system. It breaks your heart to seem him like this. You swallow and swipe your tongue over your lips to get that unpleasant, cottony dryness out of your mouth as you push yourself into a sitting position. A harsh scrub of the back of your hand over your eyes gets rid of the lingering cobwebs of sleep that cling to your mind. Feeling more alert, you cautiously scoot closer to Bucky.

Waking Bucky up from a nightmare is always a bit of a risky endeavour — usually, you leave the job to Steve, as his body is more capable of handling whatever Bucky might do to him. On the few occasions that you’ve tried, you’ve usually ended up either on the floor, or pinned to the bed with Bucky looming over you.

You take a deep breath to summon your courage.

“Bucky?” you say tentatively, as you gently shake his shoulder. “Bucky — sweetie, c’mon, it’s just a dream. Wake up.”

“No,” he moans, “No, no — no, please, don’t—”

“Bucky it’s not real, honey, wake up—”

“No!” he shouts hoarsely, like he’s suffering the worst anguish imaginable. “Please, you can’t—not her, please not her—”

“Bucky,” you say, more firmly this time, “Sweetheart, it’s just a nightmare. Wake up!”

He jolts awake with a heaving gasp, sitting upright so suddenly that he unbalances you, sending you toppling over. You yelp in surprise, landing on the mattress with a muffled oof. The sound of his ragged breathing fills the room.

You scramble to your knees and reach out to comfort him, but stop yourself before you actually make contact with his skin — you don’t know how your touch would be received.

He is backlit by the moonlight streaming in through the windows and his hair forms a dark, shaggy mane that falls around his face. His torso is bare and sweat glimmers on the planes of his chest, making him look like some ethereal being.

“Bucky?” you say cautiously, “Can I hold you?”

He nods tersely. “Please,” he says gruffly.

You knee-walk over to him and wrap your arms around his neck in a side-hug. Bucky, clearly not satisfied by that, grasps you by the waist and hoists you into his lap to hold you better. Before you can develop a cramp in your thigh, you arrange your limbs so that your ankles are crossed behind his back, and your arms are looped over his neck. You plaster yourself to his chest and press your foreheads together, giving him as many points of contact as possible.

“S’okay, Buck, I’m here — breathe with me, that’s it.”

With some encouragement, you manage to get Bucky to match your deep, even breaths. Slowly but surely, his raw, harsh pants slow down to something more controlled, less pained. With a final exhale, he slumps into you, tightening his grip around your waist as he presses his forehead to your shoulder.

“I thought I lost you,” he whispers, his warm breath tickling your skin. “I—I thought you were gone, and I couldn’t—I couldn’t get to you fast enough, and—”

You shush him, threading your fingers through his thick hair and pressing your fingertips into the base of his skull.

“I’m here,” you tell him, “I’m here, I’m right here, with you.”

Bucky presses his lips to your skin and all of a sudden, the air around you changes. It is as if the dust motes swirling around you have been charged with electricity.

He trails his lips over your skin, leaving hot, open-mouth kisses in a meandering path. They travel over your shoulder, past your collarbone, up your neck, over your jaw and finally, find their salvation against your lips. He kisses you fiercely, crushing your lips together like he is drowning man and you are the oxygen that will save him. Bucky clings to you like he’s afraid that he might be swept away by the dark, evil currents that swarm his mind, holding onto you like you’re his lifeline.

The situation is perhaps not the most conventional, but your body is nonetheless responding to Bucky’s touch. A rush of heat darts from your brain to your belly, settling into a pool of lust that is growing hotter by the minute. That same heat floods your cheeks and burns behind your chest. Your nipples tighten in anticipation underneath the thin fabric of your sleep shirt.

“I need you,” Bucky whispers brokenly, heatedly. His voice is like the whisper of a breeze, quiet enough that you have to strain your ears to hear it. “Please, please, I need you, I need—”

“Shh, I’m here,” you whisper, “Right here. You do what you need, sweetheart.”

In one smooth, seamless movement, Bucky flips you over so that you’re on your back. He hovers above you, a shadowy figure that dominates your senses. His long hair falls around you like a dark curtain, partitioning you from the rest of the world, cocooning you in this safe haven. Your legs are wrapped around his waist and slowly, your drag your calves up and down the back of his thigh, urging him to do as he pleases.

Bucky peppers hot kisses over your jaw and down your neck, pausing briefly to close his teeth over your pulse point. You gasp, throwing your head back and baring your throat. He rumbles appreciatively, worrying the skin of your neck between his teeth.

“You’re gonna leave a mark,” you say breathily, a hint of a laugh tinging your sentence.

“Good,” he replies, voice rough. “You’re mine.”

You swallow, touched by those two simple words. “Always,” you promise, squeezing his hips with your knees.

He growls possessively, which prompts you to press your hand over your mouth to stifle an irrational giggle. He sounds like a goddamn caveman. Your laughter morphs into a moan as he pulls aside the collar of your shirt and teases his lips over your collarbone, focusing on the spot that makes your curl.

“Bucky,” you groan, biting your lip to hold back a whine.

His fingers are trailing up your sides  — one smooth and cool, the other callused and warm. He’s rucking up your sleep shirt as he goes, leaving the material bunched under your breasts as he slithers down your body. Bucky plants open-mouthed, reverent kisses over your belly, stopping to leave gentle nips wherever he pleases. His stubble scratches your skin, making you shiver in arousal.

“Off,” he says, flicking at the hem of your shirt impatiently.

Hastily, you pull the garment over your head, tossing it to some irrelevant place in the darkness. In an instant, Bucky’s fingers are cupping and squeezing your breasts, savouring the feel and weight of them in his palms. You gasp aloud when his thumbs brush over your stiffened nipples.

“Please,” you whisper, though you’re not quite sure what you’re asking for.

A cry of pleasure leaves your throat as Bucky’s lips close around your left nipple, engulfing it in sudden heat. A spike of want flares in your belly, making you shift your hips restlessly. Your fingers scrabble for purchase in the sheets as he flicks his tongue over your sensitive flesh. Bucky alternates between teasing the hard nub with his tongue and gently scraping over it with his teeth.

He releases your nipple from his lips and shifts to give the same treatment to the other one. The man likes his symmetry, so this doesn’t surprise you in the slightest. Bucky switches back and forth between your breasts, taking care to give each one the same level of attention.

His touches eventually lose some of their frenzied intensity, mellowing down to something more lethargic, languid. Bucky allows his weight to settle more heavily on top of you, and rests his chin on your chest. When he takes your nipple between his lips, an expression of contentment settles over his features; you can practically feel the tension bleeding out of his muscles with every second that ticks past.

You leave him be. He’s behaved this way in the past, and if nursing on your breasts seems to bring him some element of comfort, who are you to deny him this small act? You card your fingers through his hair and gently massage his scalp, relishing the pleased moan that rumbles out of his chest.

Whether he realises it or not, the hard line of Bucky’s cock is pressing into your thigh. He’s grinding against you lazily, his movements so small that you don’t think he’s even aware of what he’s doing.

Carefully, so that you don’t accidentally dislodge his mouth, you reach between your bodies until your fingers come into contact with the waistband of his sweats. It’s a bit of a stretch, but you manage to push them down, halfway over his ass, low enough for your fingers to graze the top of his leaking dick.

Bucky jerks in surprise when you palm the head, releasing a shaky moan that is muffled against your skin. His breath skitters over your collarbone.

“Look at you, honey, being so good for me,” you croon softly, tucking a strand of hair over his ear. “You’re hard, Buck — you wanna take care of that? You wanna get inside me?”

He moans in affirmation. You smile benevolently as you continue to stroke his hair.

“C’mon then, get these off,” you say, snapping the elastic.

With great reluctance, he pulls his mouth off your breast to do as he’s been instructed. You take the opportunity to shimmy your shorts and panties down your legs. They too are discarded to some distant corner of the room.

Bucky crawls back on top of you, taking his weight on his forearms, which are planted on either side of your head. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and hook your legs over his waist, pulling him close. He bumps his nose against your chin, tipping your face upwards, so that he can capture your lips in an impassioned kiss.

You moan into his mouth when the head of his cock drags over your folds, sending tingles of arousal dancing through your system. Without breaking the kiss, you wiggle your hand between your bodies and grasp his cock, guiding it to your waiting entrance.

“Sweetheart,” Bucky breathes, his lips brushing against yours.

“Inside, Barnes, c’mon,” you reply.

He slides his hips forward, sinking his cock into your warmth and wetness. You gasp as he penetrates you, arching your back reflexively. Bucky groans, dropping his head and resting his temple against your shoulder. Each of his breaths sends a gust of warm air blowing over your neck. He is still, giving you time to adjust.

When you feel like you’re ready, you urge him on with a word of encouragement and a nudge of your foot. Gradually, he works his entire length into your body, spearing you open in that most wondrous way. His cock is just perfect, filling that emptiness inside you right to the brim. There’s just enough of him for you to feel that pleasurable stretch, but not too much that you’re uncomfortable.

“You feel so good,” you whisper, as you trail your fingers up and down his spine.

Bucky hums, turning his head to mouth wetly at your collarbone. “You too,” he murmurs.

He captures your lips with his own as his hips begin to move in earnest. His movements are slow and unhurried, as neither of you are in a rush to find completion. He rests his weight on top of you, blanketing you with his body, a physical shield against the outside world. This feels right; chest to chest, hip to hip, not even a breath of air between you.

Bucky rocks into you slowly, using miniscule movements of his hips, barely pulling out before he’s sliding back into your core. Your lips find his in the darkness and he latches on, greedily swallowing your sounds of pleasure like they are his ambrosia.

You hook your legs over his waist and cross your ankles at the small of his back, pulling him closer. Though you dig your heels into the top of his ass to spur him on, he continues at the leisurely pace that he’s set.

No words are spoken into the quiet of the night, yet every movement speaks volumes in its own right. Every surge of his hips, every brush of his lips, every caress of his fingers — each touch professes his love for you. Bucky tells you how much he needs you without a single word passing his lips, and you do the same.

You close your eyes and allow yourself to get lost in the moment. You focus on the roughness of his stubble against your neck, the warmth of his breath over your cheek, the drag of his chest over your nipples, the sparks of pleasure burning between your legs. His cock is brushing against all the sweet spots inside of you, the ones that make your head spin and your thighs tremble. The numerous, complex layers of pleasure sweep you away in their current; you feel like you’re weightless, floating on a cloud.

At some point, animal instincts start to take over. Love-making turns to passionate fucking, and Bucky’s rhythm quickens, his hips snapping forward more vigorously. He widens his knees and anchors them into the bed, giving himself more leverage to thrust. You cry out exultantly as your pleasure soars to new heights, fisting your hands in the sheets above your head.

Bucky slides his palms up your arms, until his hands find yours in the rumpled sheets. He laces your fingers together, pressing your hands into the mattress as he fucks into you.

“You’re so good,” he whispers, “So—god, so good, I love you.”

“I love you too,” you gasp, “Fuck, Bucky — Bucky.”

“Yeah, that’s it, sweetheart,” he grits out, as his hips drive forward again and again. Your mouth opens on a silent scream as he nails that spot relentlessly, the one that has you screwing your eyes shut so tightly, you’re seeing stars dancing behind your lips.

He’s saying your name under his breath like a prayer, oftentimes praising you and cursing you in the same breath.

“I love you,” he pants, “I love you — please, stay, don’t go—”

“M’not going anywhere,” you promise breathlessly, “I’m right here, Bucky. I love you so much.”

Your orgasm, when it comes, takes you by surprise. It washes over you like a crashing wave, unrelenting in its intensity. It is powerful enough to have you crying out in ecstasy. You dig your nails into the backs of Bucky’s hands as your back arches of its own accord. Your pulse is roaring in your ears and your lungs have seized up; you’re unable to catch your breath. Your climax seems to last forever.

When you come back to your senses, you realise that Bucky is still hard inside of you, still thrusting his cock into your warmth, though his movements are beginning to falter.

“So beautiful,” he praises, as he mouths at your throat. “So goddamn beautiful.”

You’re loose-limbed and pliant, satiated by your release. A pleasant buzz has settled into your bones, and there is a contented smile on your lips. Your limbs are heavy and uncoordinated, but you manage to hook your arms around Bucky’s shoulders and dig your heels into his back more insistently.

“C’mon, Buck,” you breathe, “Come inside me.”

“Fuck,” he swears.

“Mm, you like that? You wanna fill me up? Make me yours?”

“Sweetheart,” Bucky moans, cock driving into you with renewed urgency. “Baby — baby, oh, m’close, I—I’m gonna—”

“Come for me,” you whisper.

There are many beautiful things in this world and among them is the sight of Bucky Barnes when he comes. He is quite the vision.

All the muscles in his body stiffen, save for those kiss-bitten lips, which go slack with pleasure. He thrusts into you one final time, burying his cock as deep inside you as physically possible. You shiver as his warmth spills into your channel, his cock spurting out hot, sticky ribbons of come. He is quiet, save for a single, bitten-back moan.

You roam your hands over his sweaty back, petting him gently as he rides out his climax. When it is over, he is careful to collapse half on you, and half on the bed, so that you’re not crushed under his weight. His softened, spent cock slips out of your pussy, and you whine in disapproval. You hate that feeling.

Blindly, Bucky fumbles around for his discarded sweats, and uses them to clumsily wipe his cock as well as the mess between your legs. He balls the soiled garment in his hand and tosses it onto the floor, to be dealt with in the morning.

The darkness has just started to give way to shades of pink and orange when Bucky rolls over onto his back and pulls you closer. A new dawn brings with it a fresh start and new challenges, but for now, you pillow your cheek on Bucky’s chest and let your heavy eyelids slide shut as sleep pulls you under.

[batgirl-87]

So @mdeenise “challenged” me to answer all of the questions from this Hogwarts Mystery Asks: MC. I’ve already answered some (can check ‘asks’ or ‘ask game’ tags, I’ll also link them in my Masterlist) so I’ll answer the rest I haven’t been asked yet here because

1. What is their whole name? 

Nereida Adelyn-Keira LaFontaine Black

5. How is there relationship with Jacob?

Keira and Jacob were very close - it was them against the world! They’re very protective of one another, they can get/have gotten into a lot of trouble together, both with a rebellious, mischievous streak; but they are also siblings so there’s teasing, embarrassing each other, lots of physical ‘play fighting’ - they’re very much like I can be mean to my sibling but if you’re mean to them I’ll hurt you. Clearly when he ‘disappeared’ it was devastating for Keira and she felt completely alone. 

6. How is their relationship with their parents?

Both Keira and Jacob loved their mom who was their primary caregiver. Keira honestly doesn’t really remember her dad much but Jacob hates him. She has a vague recollection of him and Regulus and Sirius, a bit better memory of Sirius who kept in contact with her and Jacob even after they moved to Canada, possibly to spite his parents but Keira thinks he actually cares about his younger half-siblings even if it was something that started out from spite or curiosity. 

When their mom died of course Jacob and Keira were very sad over their loss. They were then taken in by their mom’s close friends and moved to Canada from Ireland and while there was an adjustment period they both appreciate the care they provided, and while Jacob and Keira didn’t exactly feel like they belong in this ‘family’ their mom’s friends were great parental figures and they do care about them and appreciate everything they’ve done for them. Their dad was nonexistent in their lives after the passing of their mom (he passed soon after the next year, after the death of Regulus) but when they arrived in the UK to attend Hogwarts they did find savings left for them from their dad in Gringotts (safe to assume without his wife’s knowledge). 

So both love their mom and ‘adopted’ parents (unofficially adopted =p) and while Jacob hates their dad and views him as a manipulative, selfish, neglectful arse, Keira is pretty neutral and apathetic about her dad since she doesn’t really remember him all that well. But she appreciates the money! =p 

8. How’s their relationship with their family?

Ahahahahahaha - I’m cackling =p

Unfortunately, the family on Keira and Jacob’s mom’s side are all pretty much passed or they have no idea who they are =p Their mom and mom’s parents are passed and their mom had no siblings since her mom died relatively soon after her birth (undines...) As stated before, Jacob and Keira appreciate and care very much for their mom’s friends who took them in after her passing, although a bit of awkwardness since it’s not ‘really’ their family...

As for the Black side of their family *more cackling* Orion seemed much more interested in their mom than them and didn’t seem to want much to do with them, at least according to Jacob. Walburga hates them and this whole situation, of course! With good reason! She honestly probably would of had them killed. She focused most of her energy on ensuring this scandal did not get out into the public and was probably very relieved when they moved across the pond. Of course when Jacob returned to attend Hogwarts he was done living this lie and didn’t care who it upset and went by his Black family name, encouraging his sister to do the same - this family would not win! Walburga could try to deny it all she wanted but a paternity test (which I’ve done some research on Wizarding World paternity tests and some interesting ideas came up!) just proved it.

Despite this, Walburga and the rest of the Black family continued to ignore their entire existence. Andromeda may have been left out of the loop considering she was disowned from the family as well but when Keira and Tonks realized they were both related to Bellatrix Lestrange, and therefore related themselves, Keira was so happy to be accepted by some members of the Black family. Sirius also was accepting of his younger half-siblings and stayed in contact with them even after they moved to Canada. He may have only gone to see them at first out of curiosity and then continued to visit and communicate with them out of spite to his parents but he probably did care about them and enjoyed them more than Regulus because they weren’t brought up in a pureblood elitist household. Probably wished their mom was his mom which would just upset Walburga. And if Walburga didn’t hate them before, after she passed, Keira, now more spiteful and daring with everything that has happened, moved into the now empty (well except for Kreacher) 12 Grimmauld Place which would just piss Walburga off! How she convinced Remus, no idea - basically she was like I’m doing this and Remus had to go along with it =p

Wait, is Kreacher family? Keira and Kreacher argue a lot and she will not stand for him being mean to Remus or any of her friends and will threaten to kick him out although it’s an empty threat because she wouldn’t actually kick him out and make him homeless! Kreacher of course thinks she’s invading some place that does not belong to her but because she is a Black she sort of does belong there and while not related to his previous Walburga, she is to Orion so he has to put up with her =p They eventually reach an understanding. Kreacher is free to stay there and does not have to do any chores or cleaning up after her or Remus, as long as he’s nice... or just stays away from her friends and Remus. 

I’m not sure how Regulus felt about them, maybe neutral? I think discovering his dad’s affair would be a shock to him, he might be curious as well to meet them and I like to think did meet them at least once, possibly while their mom was passing (like Orion went to see her and Sirius and Regulus decided to go as well because, hey, it is their younger siblings whether they like it or not and it’s a hard thing to go through) but I think he was more worried and concerned about Death Eater affairs and tricking Voldemort =p

So while Keira is close with Tonks, and probably her parents as well, and both Keira and Jacob are accepted by Sirius, and maybe even Regulus, who knows =p, most of the Black family still pretends they don’t exist. Although I like to think Keira later bonds with Draco and they become close and overall these next generations are going to be better. And while Bellatrix may refuse to acknowledge Keira’s relationship to her, deep down she actually really likes Keira because she’s a strong, tough bitch who isn’t afraid of her and would have killed Dumbledore without even being a Death Eater if asked =p Seriously, Keira knows she’s actually Bella’s favorite. 

(This also pretty much works for my original HP OC bio where she was Sirius’ daughter because besides Tonks, Andromeda, and Ted, the rest of the Black family wouldn’t really acknowledge her existence either)

Does Remus count as family? Of course he does, he’s “Uncle Remus!” =p Remus and Keira had an instant bond, they are incredibly close - I like to think of it as two people who felt completely alone in the world found each other and now they were not longer alone. Keira is very much like Sirius, and Jacob can be very much like James actually, so it was actually nice for Remus to be around them if not bittersweet. I actually have a post about Keira and Remus’ relationship so I won’t say too much more besides they are very close and Keira is suuuuper protective over him.

9. Do they have any other siblings?

Sirius and Regulus Black

11. Do they have pets?

Keira has a Siamese cat and Jacob had a Barred Owl named Archimedes which I guess is hers now too? Jacob also wanted a dog or crup but then went to school so their ‘adoptive’ parents are taking care of it =p

14. Any crushes?

Charlie Weasley.

She won’t outright admit it but it’s obvious to everyone else besides Charlie. Wasn’t even aware of it herself for quite awhile! =p But fortunately she plays it pretty cool and isn’t a stuttering mess around him so maybe he has no idea she likes him because she’s so chill and nonchalant about it. Although she can be flirtatious but she can be like that with a lot of people =p (She’s related to Sirius she can’t help it! =p)

16. Have they ever dated someone before (Either back at their home or at Hogwarts)?

Rumour has it during her summer before Sixth Year, where she spent most of it in Canada, and going into Sixth Year she was dating someone. Has not been confirmed nor denied. 😜

(I think that’s all of them? Wasn't that much actually, I expected more =p But I still wrote a lot more than intended so sorry about that! Hope I explained things well enough! If anyone has any questions or want to talk about MC’s more hit me up! Thanks for your challenge! 😉💙)

[rosykims]

DRAGON AGE QUESTIONS

tagged by: @nordxz​ thanks so much !!! *heart emoji* 

favourite game of the series?

origins! although inquisition is very close as well.  inquisition was my favourite for a very time, but like midway through last year i replayed origins and it just felt.....so good. i really struggled with enjoying dao because of the clunky fighting system but an amazing mutual introduced me to a mod that lets u skip fights basically lol, so i was just able to focus on the story/characters/exploration of the game, which just....made me realize how immensely beautiful the game actually is, and i fell in love all over again aaaaa

how did you discover dragon age?

i was a huge mass effect fan ! mass effect was the game that motivated me to make this blog, actually, and obviously through following people i saw a lot of posts from the da community as well. so i bought origins and inquisition (i had NO idea there was a da2 until half way through awakening lmao) and tried to play origins but HATED it gtrhutgrhugtr and then eventually gave it another try like a month later and completely loved it and now here we are

how many times you’ve played the games?

not as many times as some people on here have - i would say origins maybe four times, da2 maybe twice, inquisition three times. but that also doesnt count all the timesw ive created new games and then abandoned them lol bc theres too many to count 

favourite race to play as?

love me some elf booty ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

favourite class?

at first it was rogue dual wielder ! i played as a rogue in every single first-time playthrough and idk i felt that class has always been the easiest/most op. but in the last maybe 2 years it’s changed to mage. ive always been super intimidated by magic classes in every game i play but i LOVE inquisition’s mage classes/specializations and i can never go back now

do you play through the games differently or do you make the same decisions each time?

im so so so bad and i usually end up making very similar choices, but usually bc i just......replay the same characters every time hgtuhgtruhgtrui. i REALLY need to make more da ocs to explore more choices but....i dont want to lol i already have to many. i still havent sided with the templars in a playthrough like i just cant do it 

go-to adventuring group?

i always bring my characters love interest with them no matter what, just bc its cute, but usually i try to evenly cycle the other characters around that. i always try to have a warrior/rogue/mage in every party. but sometimes i’ll go warrior/warrior/mage/mage especially if i need to focus on straight damage and a LOT of healing lol

my favourite parties would probably be:

dao - alistair + zevran + wynne (wholesome and also funny)

da2 - anders + fenris + merrill (SO much chaotic energy)

dai - solas + cassandra + cole (i just love them ok)

which of your characters did you put the most thought into?

ashara lavellan, my canon inquisitor who was never supposed to be canon tghtgurhtrg. my original canon inq was a trevelyan rogue, who was super nice and good. i made ashara so that i could actually play as an evil/mean character without feeling bad lol, oh and i also wanted to see what the deal with solas was bc i had heard his romance was good ;;;;) anyway that backfired and i ended up completely falling in love with her, and i STILL couldnt make the tough choices with her so i was like ok maybe she isnt THAT evil and now shes just..... the way she is now i guess lmao

favourite romance?

trhhtruih okay u guys KNOW its solas. u know. i dont even have to say anythiing about it bc...u fucking know

(alistair’s is very close tho)

have you read any of the comics/books?

i havent :(((( im such a bad fan but i cannot deal with ordering online and thats the only place ive been able to find them. im planning on reading asunder and the masked empire as soon as i get the chance (and the money) tho !!

if you read them, which was your favourite book?

nope

favourite DLCs?

trespasser ! its pretty simple and very plot-driven like u didnt have to worry about side missions as much as u would with other dlcs so idk that was... refreshing. but obviously i loved it just bc it was so beautiful and intense and sad (since my chara romanced solas obviously) and that music score????? unbelievable i’ll never be over it

things that annoy you.

can i say the fandom trghuitgrhutrhui

mostly the thing that pisses me off the most is the grey morality. writers trying to make everything deep and Thought Provoking like..... no jerry, slavery IS bad theres no alternative viewpoint lol??????? also the fucking whitewashing makes me see red. 

orlais or ferelden?

ferelden!!!!! (*blows a kiss* for highever)

templars or mages?

mages <3 

if you have multiple characters, are they in different/parallel universes or in the same one?

i only have like 3 protag da characters and they’re all canon, although emeraude is an au. so ella is my canon warden and ashara is my canon inquisitor, but emeraude does exist in that universe, bc i hc she befriended the warden and alistair when they visited the alienage, and she was very outspokenly angry and didn’t really give a shit that alistair was going to be heir. which alistair really,,, appreciated i guess? so emeraude is made his official elven adviser after his coronation but she also kinda helps out as a royal protector because she’s one of the only people in court they both trust completely lol. also she is....stronk. 

and the only other characters i have for da are obviously side characters who are related to my canon protags so. they’re all canon as well lol

what did you name your pets? (mabari, summoned animals, mounts, etc)

ella named her dog ser bark gthutgrhutghruihtr she thought it was cute ok

emeraude just went with barkspawn since alistair came up with the idea as a joke but she thought the joke was so bad she made them keep it as punishment vjhuightui

i dont really have a hawke oc but.....he named his dog shepard in my playthrough ! like from mass effect ;;;;)))

have you installed any mods?

origins is modded to hell and back and i genuinely couldn’t play the game without mods at this point. inquisition is slightly modded but im in the process of removing them all, and only keeping a few because my game runs pretty terribly with them installed 

did your warden want to become a grey warden?

ella did ! but it was kind of,, a naive childhood dream, she had a really romanticized view of the wardens and she wanted a life of excitement and bravery and adventure, not really taking into consider all the bad things about it (and obviously not knowing the full truth about what it means to be a warden)

emeraude did NOT want to be a warden. she basically had to be dragged out of the alienage because she wanted to stay and protect her community. she never really enjoyed being a warden, although her friendship with alistair was its one redeeming quality 

hawke’s personality?

uh i cant remember the colour/personality thing but he was a combo of funny/ethical. mostly there for memes tho. 

did you make matching armor for your companions in inquisition?

for origins i do ! i always make sure alistair and ella wear the grey warden armour, as well as every warden in awakening. thats like, all theyre allowed to wear lmao.

if your character(s) could go back in time to change one thing, what would they change?

ella would obviously change her family’s murder lol, and emeraude would at least try and change what happened at her wedding, to prevent shianni and the others from being hurt. 

ashara would change romancing solas :((( she was so angry at herself after discovering who he was, and she felt weak and foolish which she HATES more than any other feeling, so she definitely wishes she had never met him for a long time. after she kind of processes it though, and learns to deal with her anger, her answer would be that she wishes she had saved the chargers. it’s the one move she made that actually keeps her up at night sometimes. 

do you have any headcanons about your character(s) that go against canon?

ghuitrhuigtrhugtr so many. canon? dont know her. 

the biggest example would be that i hc king!alistair was at the winter palace during the wicked hearts level. because uh..... celene and the fereldan monarchs had been corrosponding for over 10 years, trying to build up rapport, of COURSE the king would be there to see who the potential ruler/s of orlais would be and whether or not he ought to be worried. like. im sorry but alistair was there lol you can’t change my mind. i also hc he helps ashara with information about the grey wardens during this chapter, because ???? it just makes sense??? im so angry i wish this was canon

are any of your characters based on someone?

ok it was unintentional but ashara reminds me of an english teacher i had in highschool who was very scary but also....really cool and i loved her. it was an accident but,, still counts. 

who did you leave in the fade?

gtiturghtugh okay at the risk of pissing off EVERYBODY who reads this, i left hawke in the fade, even though it was a toss up between hawke and stroud. it was ashara’s fault tho !!! she would have 100% prioritzed an alliance with the grey wardens over like,, some guy. it broke my heart but yeah That happened. 

favourite mount?

i like all the elk mounts mostly ! but i never use them bc they sound ugly af

tagging : @trvelyans​ @f3nharel​ @allisondraste​ @ensevens​ @tethraas​ @talizorah​ @fereldun​ if u are up to it <3 and whoever else wants to do this ! 

[willowhaven-blog1]

2018 was a year of ups and downs for me. In January I went back to college at Benedictine College to work towards my bachelors in sociology. I was working full-time at night and attending school full-time during the day. Exhausted doesn’t begin to describe it.

As busy as it was, I felt such a great sense of accomplishment everyday as I worked towards such a difficult goal. I enjoyed the classes I was taking and  the challenge excited me. Then everything changed. Cancer took that all from me. The excitement, the motivation, the incredible sense of accomplishment. With three words, that all was gone.

When I was no longer able to work or go to school, I lost my sense of purpose. I laid in bed for days and weeks feeling in credibly sorry for myself. I began to give up on myself, and to give up in life in general. During this time I was talking to a friend of mine about my younger sister who had recently moved to Arizona. I was talking about how proud I was of her for moving so far away to chase a dream. It was while we were talking that my friend suggested that maybe I should take a trip to visit her. My initial response was are you kidding? I can’t even get out of bed, let alone make a trip halfway across the country. But my friend told me that it would be good for me, to get away and see something new.

Suddenly I had a goal to work towards. I began pushing myself to get out of bed, even if just to walk around the house and get my own meals. In the beginning it was incredibly hard. I was extremely weak and couldn’t walk without a walker. But I kept pushing. Soon I graduated to using a cane, and finally I was able to walk short distances unassisted. I was so proud of myself. It’s amazing how much you take for granted in life until it’s gone.

In late November I had a hysterectomy to stop my body from producing the hormones that were feeding the tumor in my breast. While this surgery was incredibly necessary, I was a little sad because I figured my recovery would set my trip plans behind but I had a goal. I decided I wasn’t going to let something as minor as surgery stop me.

I pushed myself more and more each day. I became more active. I started driving again. Surprisingly enough, the more active I became, the pain that had become a part of my life began to fade. During my worst days I had been taking as many as 24 Percocets a day without relief. Suddenly I realized I was down to as few as four during a 24 hour period. Slowly I was taking back control of my life. Cancer wasn’t winning the war anymore. I was. The sense of pride I felt couldn’t compare to anything I had ever done before. I felt as though I had just won the Boston Marathon.

I had an appointment with my oncologist scheduled for December 10th. My goal had been to leave for Arizona the Wednesday following if my doctor felt I was healthy enough to go. He was so pleased to see the progress I had made since my first appointment when my pain was so bad that reduced to using a wheelchair because I was unable to walk. Now I was walking again and had actually driven myself so my husband didn’t need to miss a day of work. Much to my delight, my doctor told me he thought the trip would be great medicine for me.

Having received my oncologist’s blessing, I began to make the final arrangements to take the bucket list trip of a lifetime. I had considered flying into Phoenix to shorten my trip, but after much deliberation I decided that driving would offer me the opportunity to see more of the world and with no real time table in my head I planned to take my time and see what there was to see.

As I left Atchison on December 12 I began to have second thoughts. Would I be able to make such a long drive after being bedridden for so long and having only been getting up and around for such a short time? Would my back hold up to the strain of the trip? I was facing a 21 hour drive, the longest drive I had ever made in myself. I almost changed my mind many times as I set out for Arizona, but I kept telling myself I can do this.

The further along on my trip, the better I felt. For the first time in months, the weight of my stress and anxiety began to evaporate. With each mile I drove, a happiness and calm settled over me. Normally when I am driving I become so focused on the road that I miss everything around me. For the first time, I opened my eyes to everything around me taking in each little detail seeing the world with a childlike wonder.

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I had my first daughter two days before 19th birthday. I had spent my entire adult life caring for my children and had never really had the opportunity to travel. While my peers were traveling to Europe and going to college, I was changing diapers and burping babies. I had never really made it outside of the midwest and this was one of the few times I had ever taken a vacation that didn’t involve a soccer tournament. Normally those trips were rushed and there was very little time to relax and enjoy the sights around me.

The further I got from home, the more I saw all of the beauty in the world. As the miles passed, I began to believe in myself and for the first time I believed that cancer wasn’t going to beat me. I was going to fight with everything I had in me and I was going to live whatever life I had left no matter how long or short as though each day was my last. I decided that I refused to die with regrets.

When I reached the mountains of Arizona and my sister’s home, I was overwhelmed with everything I had seen. I was excited to see my sister, her husband, my adorable niece and my favorite floofer (code word for dog). I spent four days relaxing in the warm Arizona air, far from the cold of Kansas. The days with my sister were lazy and simple and incredibly calming. My mind was clear and free of worry over my future. I took each day as they came without thinking about whether cancer would beat me.

As my days with my sister came to a close I made the decision to head further west since I was only four hours from the sandy beaches of San Diego. I was amazed as each mile passed and I drove through the mountains and palm trees. I was amazed by the mild weather and when I reached San Diego  I fell in love with the sights all around me. I walked through the beautiful winter wonderland of Balboa Park at night, and dipped my toes in the ocean during the day. I enjoyed the tastes of authentic Mexican and Italian food, and let my mind clear from any of the negative thoughts that had held me hostage since my diagnosis.

As I returned home I had a new goal. My journey had given me a new purpose. My passion for nursing was still there and I realized just how much I missed taking care of and spending time with my patients. But I also realized that my time might be short and I wanted to experience as much as I could for whatever time I might have left. The more I thought about this, the more my mind wandered back to an idea I had a few years earlier. I wanted to move on from my staff hospital position and become a travel nurse. I realized that travel nursing would offer me the opportunity to combine my love of nursing with the ability to travel and see all that the country has to offer.

I celebrated New Years Eve by mailing my applications to Arizona and California to obtain my nursing licenses. In the weeks following I began discussing opportunities with recruiters, and began the initial process to build my file for submission to future employers.

As excited as I was, a cloud of fear hovered over me. Would my body be strong enough to return to work? When I had my appointment with my oncologist on January 10th, as terrified as I was to hear the answer I asked my doctor if my career was over. He looked at me and told me he didn’t see why. In one moment all my fears evaporated. I will be able to return to the work I love so much. Cancer didn’t take nursing from me.

2018 brought a lot of pain and fear as I was forced to accept my new reality. 2019 is going to be a year of adventure and discovery for me. Some days I am angry for all of the changes that have come to my life since I heard those terrible words ‘you have cancer.’ There are still days that I want to cry when I think about possibly not being here to watch my nieces and grandchildren grow up.

Even with all of the sadness and uncertainty cancer has brought to my life, some days I am thankful for the things I have gained. I have realized how very precious life is and how important it is to appreciate the gift of each day. I live more fully, I love more deeply, and I appreciate each moment I have. I’m living with cancer, not dying from it. I’m LIVING. Each minute of every day.

Jennifer – Extensive mets to bones. Diagnosed de novo at 43 on 9/25/2018. Cancer won’t win. I won’t let it. Life’s too short not to fight for every minute. Dx 9/25/2018, invasive ductal carcinoma (IDC), left breast, 1.5cm, Nottingham Grade 3, hormone receptor positive, ER+ (estrogen receptor)/PR+ (progesterone receptor), HER2- (human epidermal growth factor), BRACA- (genetic mutation), Stage IV, metastasized to bones First CA 27.29 10/9/2018 83 (goal <38) Hormonal Therapy 10/12/2018 Tamoxifen pills (Nolvadex, Apo-Tamox, Tamofen, Tamone) Targeted Therapy 10/12/2018 Xgeva injection (Denosumab) Hormonal Therapy 10/19/2018 Lupron Depot injection (Leuprolide Acetate) Surgery 11/29/2018 Vaginal hysterectomy with bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy First CA 27.29 post hysterectomy 12/10/2018 73 (goal <38) Hormonal Therapy 12/11/2018 Femara pills (letrozole) Targeted Therapy 12/23/2018 Ibrance pills (palbociclib) First CA 27.29 post medication change 1/10/2019 60 (goal <38)

New Year, New Me! 2018 was a year of ups and downs for me. In January I went back to college at Benedictine College to work towards my bachelors in sociology.

[writeyouin]

Hello I was wondering if you could do a tadashi (bh6) x nurse reader fic (or oneshot) and/or a V (V for vendetta) x nurse reader. Merci :)

Tadashi X Reader – Medical Student

A/N – Originally, I had a plot as to why the other students disliked the reader, but I decided not to put it in because this is like… 6 pages long.

Warnings – Minor Swearing.

Rating – T

Tadashi glanced at the first schematics for Baymax. He now had the designs for the skeleton and the data chip that would contain the medical protocols and procedures. Excited to start changing the world, Tadashi begun work on the database that would go on the chip. The work carried on into the night, but he was finally ready to upload it onto the drive.

An error message appeared on the holographic computer screen only six percent into the data transfer. Tadashi frowned tiredly, he’d been ready to finish for the night, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop until he found the source of the problem.

After numerous diagnostics and scans ran on the computer that consumed further hours, Tadashi still hadn’t found a solution.

“Burning the midnight oil, Mr Hamada?” Professor Callaghan entered the lab.

“As always,” Tadashi answered amiably.

Callaghan glanced at the computer screen where the error message stubbornly remained. “It seems that you’ve ran into some programming trouble. May I?”

“Sure,” Tadashi moves aside, letting Callaghan sit at the desk.

Callaghan examined the extensive database, tapping idly at some keys to highlight the problem on screen. “Well Mr Hamada, it’s apparent that the base program on the chip can’t contain the database you’re trying to download because of conflicting information. Take a look at this for example, one treatment for infections is antibacterial spray, another older method suggests leeches. The program doesn’t know which to prioritise. My suggestion is to come back tomorrow and visit the medical students after classes. Try to get their professor’s permission to work with one of the students; maybe they can organise your database.”

“Thanks professor.”

Callaghan nodded and the two walked out together.

Tadashi roamed the halls of the medical building. Although it was much smaller than the tech building he worked in, he’d still managed to get lost.

“Young man!” A squat Korean lady said sternly with her hands on her hips. “As head of the medical department I make it my business to know all the medical students, you are not one of them and have no business being here.”

Professor Callaghan had forewarned Tadashi of Doctor Kirkbride for she was apparently a tough lady to impress.

“Excuse me Doctor Kirkbride, I’m Tadashi Hamada, a technology student and-”

“And you’re making me late for class. Walk and talk, hurry now.”

Tadashi kept up with the brisk pace set by Doctor Kirkbride, explaining his plight all the while. By the time they reached the auditorium Kirkbride stopped Tadashi, “You want one of my students, fine, but if you get in the way of their education, we’ll be using you in class instead of Mr Cadaver. Got it?”

Tadashi nodded nervously.

“Good. You’ll have to find a volunteer yourself. Good luck getting a partner with exams coming up.”

She opened the door, exuding power and silencing the congregation of students talking outside of their designated work areas.

“Class,” she boomed, “This is Tadashi Hamada, one of the technology students. He needs help compiling a medical database for his project. Is anyone willing to volunteer?”

Everyone avoided his gaze.

“No? Then get to your work stations and follow the instructions there. Mr Hamada, you’ll have to present your case yourself.”

Doctor Kirkbride left him alone. He looked around the room uncertainly. Everyone was in a group of three at a work station that had an outdated whiteboard with instructions and dummy patients which seemed to have seen better days; evidently the medical building didn’t get as much funding as the rest of the university.

With his friendliest smile, Tadashi approached the first group with the identical twins Iroh and Kyo as well as a girl named Ivy.

“Hey,” he started confidently, “would you-”

“Busy,” the twins pushed past him, inserting a catheter and IV into the dummy.

He looked to Ivy, “Exams,” she deadpanned, ignoring him.

Tadashi refused to be disappointed, moving onto the next group, then the one after that and the one after that; nobody gave him the time of day. Finally, he got to the last table which had the only person not working in a group; you.

With low expectations he spoke, “Hi, I’m-”

You held up a hand, “Tadashi, yeah. You’re awfully persistent for somebody rejected by twenty-four people. Don’t you get it? Nobody wants to work with you.”

Tadashi slumped slightly, “Yeah, I know, exams.”

“Seriously? You believe that crap? That’s not why they won’t work with you.”

“Then why?”

“‘Cos, you tech types are all the same. You waltz in here, take a procedure that was perfectly fine in the first place and make a make a machine that does it. We’re all afraid that whatever you’re building will make us obsolete before we’ve even finished training.”

Tadashi frowned, his mouth slightly agape, “I never really thought of it that way… I don’t want to make anyone obsolete, I’m just trying to help people.”

You leaned against the operating table, interested in the flurry of emotions showing in Tadashi’s eyes. Before, he had the same hope you had every day on your way to becoming a doctor, now he was displaying a complex mix of sadness, confusion, and guilt.

“Your project,” you said, “how many will it help?”

“When it’s done? Millions.”

You rolled your eyes to the ceiling, muttering, “This better not affect my grades.” Then to Tadashi, “Fine, I’m (Y/N) and I guess I can sort your database.”

Tadashi shook with excitement, making you giggle with his impromptu dance. “Thank you, I promise you won’t regret this.”

“OY!” A red-haired student in the group next to yours called. “You workin’ with ‘im?”

“Yeah,” you answered nonchalantly.

“Fuckin’ sell-out.”

Tadashi deflated, watching you apologetically, “I-”

You shook your head at him, “If you dare apologise I’ll quit.”

“But if this makes you unpopular-”

“Ha! I’m working on my own in a group assignment, you don’t get more unpopular than that. See, you’re already taking credit for what I did all on my own. Give it a week and see if you still want to work with me. Now get out, I finish in an hour, meet me outside then and I’ll see what I’m working with.”

You threw your arms up angrily, reading over the database, “What the hell is this? The sources are totally uncredible, it’s disorganised, it’s… is that a Wikipedia page? Good lord, it is. And on top of all this you want me to write up treatments for everything? EVERYTHING? You’re insane, this is impossible.”

Tadashi got down on his knees, holding his hands together and begging you with huge puppy eyes, “Not even for me?”

You grabbed his cap from the desk, shoving it in his face and pushing him over with the force.

“Huh, a wild (Y/N) attacks when angered,” Tadashi reported, leaning up from the floor.

You struggled to suppress a smile, “Like a viper.”

“Pray tell crazy viper person, how can I get you to do this?”

“Inject caffeine into my blood stream until this is all over.”

“I think I can make that work.”

“Then we better get started, come on puppy dog, coffee, chop chop.”

Tadashi got up and saluted, “Yes Captain.”

You grinned as he left; perhaps working with him wouldn’t be as much of an irritant as you supposed.

Writing treatments to every ailment you could think of was excruciatingly slow work. Two months in and you’d barely made a dent. Yet the work wasn’t as unpleasant as you’d initially thought; your grades had improved considerably and working with Tadashi proved to be fun. He’d told you many of the misadventures of his little brother Hiro, and of his Aunt Cass who owned a café uptown somewhere.

While you enjoyed Tadashi’s company, he felt a lot more strongly towards you. He adored your grumpy humour and the way you were willing to work with him in the face of adversity from your classmates who had since ignored you completely. More than that, he loved that you genuinely wanted to help people even though you didn’t know what he was building. He’d told his family a little of you but kept details light and fleeting, unable to trust himself to speak without revealing too many of his own confused thoughts.

One night, after he’d stayed alone at the university to draw-up further plans for Baymax, he arrived back home to a surprise. You were sat in the café with a notepad and a medical journal. He’d never told you which café he lived at, but coincidence had brought you there. Never before had he cared about looking cool in front of you but before he knew when and where you were going to meet. Suddenly something was different, it may have been the concentrated frown you wore or that you practically glowed under the café’s dim lighting, but he definitely felt something towards you.

Ignoring the onslaught of nerves, he entered, dropping casually into the seat opposite yours in the cosy booth, “You know, café’s are supposed to be for relaxing.”

“’Dashi!” You dropped the book with a surprise then smiled. “What’re you doing here?”

“Oh, I know the owner.”

As if on cue, Cass dropped by to see her nephew, “Tadashi, you’re home,” she said warmly.

“Hi Aunt Cass,” he got up to hug her.

Cass spotted you, “And you have a friend.”

“I’m (Y/N),” You got up to shake her hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Tadashi has told me so much about you.”

Tadashi blushed behind you, smiling affectionately at the friendly manner in which you regarded Cass.

Cass hummed knowingly, “Really? He has? Well that’s great. (Y/N), how about you join us for dinner?”

Tadashi swallowed apprehensively, he desperately wanted you to say yes and meet his family officially.

“Are you sure I wouldn’t be intruding?”

“Intruding? Of course not. Tadashi, take (Y/N) upstairs while I close up, oh I am so excited.”

She bounced on the spot and you realised exactly where Tadashi got his own little happy dance from; it had a heart-warming effect, comforting you in an unexpected way.

Over dinner, Cass learnt everything she could about you, leaving no question unasked. Hiro meanwhile, took an interest in you when you asked about the bot he was holding; he used the opportunity to show off until Tadashi started making fun of him for it. Although the family was a small one, the love was overwhelming. Cass clearly adored her two nephews; they were like three pieces of a jigsaw, different shapes but they fit together well. Alas, time flew, and it was time for you to head home yourself.

“It’s been wonderful meeting you,” You beamed at Aunt Cass, sticking your hand out.

Cass ignored the hand, hugging you tightly, “Come back soon.” When she let you go she asked, “How far is the walk home?”

“About forty minutes from here.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you?”

“It’s alright, Tadashi already volunteered for that, he’s taking me back on his moped.”

“Right, drive safe Tadashi, and call me when you get there.”

Tadashi wrapped his arm around you, forgetting himself for a moment but staying when you didn’t protest, “Don’t worry Aunt Cass, we’ll be fine.”

With Cass calling goodbyes, Tadashi led you to the garage and his moped. He threw you a helmet which you caught with ease.

“And with a catch like that, (L/N)’s ready for the rugby team, (s)he could go all the way,” Tadashi cheered.

“And with a throw like that, Tadashi is ready to go back to summer camp, so he can learn from people with actual talent.”

He held his heart, mimicking pain, “It’s a low blow that brings pain with it, and after I was being nice to you.”

“Well yeah but you have to be nice to me because I’m doing your work for you, lazy boy.”

“A second low blow with a staggering effect. I can’t simply like you?”

You grinned, dancing towards him with a singsong voice, “You like me, you love me, you want to hug me.”

Tadashi tried to laugh but with each line you came a little bit closer, mocking him further, “You want to kiss me, you want to marry me…”

You trailed off, suddenly aware of the lack of laughter. At some point, the atmosphere had become heavy with unspoken thoughts on Tadashi’s behalf.

You frowned uncertainly, “Tadashi? What’s wrong?”

“I uh… You’re really great with my family,” he murmured. “Actually, you’re really great altogether.”

“I don’t… I don’t understand.”

Tadashi leaned forward, brushing his lips lightly against your cheek. Your heart raced; everything had been so normal only minutes ago but now things were different, evolved somehow.

He pulled away, not daring to ask if you felt the same way about him, “That’s enough for tonight, come on, I’ll take you home.”

He got on the moped. Although you had a million questions for him, time seemed to stop when you sat behind him and held onto him tightly. He was right, for now it was enough.

[wwounu]

85 questions~

Tagged by @svt-angel​ <33

Last…

drink: water

phone call: my mum

text message: a photo to my friend i cant remember what i put lol but it was something with ‘that made me more sad than i thought’ and then something about sleep

song you listened to: hello - seventeen that song makes me hardcore uwu

time you cried: an hour ago 

Ever…

dated someone twice: dating who’s she

kissed someone and regretted: nope

been cheated on: nahh

lost someone: yeah, i guess

been depressed: no i don’t like to think so anyway...

gotten drunk and thrown up: i’ve thrown up but lol as if i drink

Fav colours:

blue, grey, white, black im very plain i know...

In the last year have you…

made new friends: mhmm!!

fallen out of love: noooo

laughed until you cried: oh yeah ofc because of this video i was a mess

found out someone was talking about you: ??? maybe??

met someone who changed you: kinda

found out who your friends are: yep hehe

kissed someone on your facebook friends list: i dont have facebook hA*

General:

how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: check *

do you have any pets: nope and i dont want any now with that thing with the dog happened

do you want to change your name: ive learnt to like my name so im good hehe

what did you do for your last birthday: i had lunch with my family, had a sleepover with my friends and watched IT, cried, went out the next day to have dinner together it was okay

what time did you wake up today: 11am i slept at half six what the heck

what were you doing at midnight last night: i took a screenshot of an seventeen incorrect quote this and this one and kept annoying my friend how it was midnight bc she said she’d sleep early yeah keep promising yourself that

what is something you can’t wait for: the next school holiday im going back in two weeks fuck everyone

what are you listening to right now: “wonwoo talking for 1 hour” 

have you ever talked to a person named tom: i guess? but like, he just kept singing fire

something that gets on your nerves: my classmates whoops

most visited website: youtube or instagram tumblr too

hair color: dark brown

long or short hair: long but not too long lmao

do you have a crush on someone: who would i be crushing on though :/

what do you like about yourself: not a lot jokes ummm i dont really know...

want any piercings?: i want more, so yeah

blood type: i dunno?

nicknames: keagan, keags

relationship status: alone

zodiac: capricorn

pronouns: she/her

fave tv shows: age of youth

tattoos: im too young but why not ;)

right or left handed: right

ever had surgery: nope!

piercings: my ears its very basic... wait wasnt this asked before or what

sport: i dont do sport

vacation: next year i might go to the philippines but that depends i hate my school tch

trainers: the only ones i have are my air max 95 since 2015 i never use them, only for school

More general:

eating: nothing im craving eclairs

drinking: nothing as well

i’m about to watch: i’ll probably watch free

waiting for: i dunno heh,,

want: umm i dunno i want a carat bong i guess

get married: dude im too young

career: doctor 

Which is better?

hugs or kisses: hugs i like hugs even though i get awkward with them lol

lips or eyes: eyes but then for lips would i count as smile? because boy oh boy

shorter or taller: taller partner wise

older or younger: either but not too old or young ygm

nice arms or stomach: mate what

hookup or relationship: relationship?? im literally two

troublemaker or hesitant: why not both

Have you ever…

kissed a stranger: no

drunk hard liquor: no

lost glasses: no but id forget them

turned someone down: plenty of times just generally, i turn down anything i dont wanna do because imma wuss

sex on first date: dude.

broken someone’s heart: lol theres no ‘someone’ in the first place

had your heart broken: oh my god nO

been arrested: MATE-

cried when someone died: oh, yeah

fallen for a friend: uh... guess so?

Do you believe in…

yourself: depends on my mood

miracles: kinda

love at first sight: nah

santa claus: used to

kiss on a first date: in my opinon no i dunno why lol i just dont

angels: sure

Others:

best friend’s name: rum, sehun, ggukie what can i do without them + i changed their names so i dont expose their actual ones xx

eye color: vv dark brown

fave movie: ready player one was cool

fave actors: ummm i dunno heh... (edit: DO KYUNGSOO AND JEON WONWOO SHUT UP)

I tag: aaa idk who to tag so anyone can do it (ha im lame)