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thef1diary · 6 days

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While It Lasts | L. Norris - 2

Summary: Lando expected nothing more than relaxation and fun for two weeks during his summer break. What he didn’t anticipate was meeting you, someone who felt like a perfect match in every way. As the days quickly passed, he found himself falling deeply for you, only to be confronted with the heart-wrenching reality that your time together was far more limited than he ever imagined.

Part 1

PLEASE READ: This story contains themes of loss, morality, fear, death, relationship strains, mental health struggles, including significant emotional impact related to the reader’s journey with a chronic illness and some scenes are set in hospitals. Reminder that this is simply a work of fiction, please don’t take it to heart.

wc: 16.5k

You woke up to the faint clattering of dishes in the kitchen. Groggily, you opened your eyes, feeling the stiffness from sleeping awkwardly on the couch. Stretching, you realized Isaac was already up, making breakfast.

“Isaac,” you called out, your voice hoarse from sleep.

He didn’t seem to hear you, the noise of the kitchen drowning out your voice. With a sigh, you decided to hobble over to him, each step a reminder of your twisted ankle and the awkward position you’d slept in.

Reaching the kitchen, you leaned against the doorway for support. “Isaac,” you said a bit louder.

He turned, surprise and concern crossing his face. “You should be resting.”

“I know,” you replied, wincing slightly as you moved closer. “But we need to talk.”

Isaac set down the pan he was holding, his expression turning serious. “Alright, let’s talk.”

You took a deep breath, feeling the weight of the words you were about to say. “Isaac, I’m sorry for yelling at you yesterday. I know you’re just trying to take care of me.”

He shook his head, his eyes reflecting a mix of frustration and pain. “Every single day for the past four years, I have this fear that you’ll leave me at any moment. Yes, it is selfish, very selfish because I truly don’t know what you’re feeling, what you’re going through. But while you might’ve accepted that you’re dying, I didn’t! I just wanted to make sure you’re taking care of yourself, so you can live another day, so you can see me graduate college, see me – I don’t know – find the love of my life or get married. I’m sorry. You’re my sister, you are the last person I need to act like I’m on eggshells around you.”

Your heart ached at his words, the depth of his fear and love hitting you hard. “Your fear is valid, Isaac. Just because I’ve accepted it, doesn’t mean that I like it. But it won’t change fate, will it? It won’t change the fact that I’ve been dealt a shitty hand at life. All I know is that when I’m taking my last breaths, whenever it is, I don’t want to regret anything. I don’t want to regret not living enough because of the fear of dying. Just because I have a stupid countdown doesn’t mean I should be afraid to live.”

Isaac looked at you, his eyes moist with unshed tears. “I just want you to be here, to live as long as possible.”

“I know,” you whispered, reaching out to engulf him in a hug. “I’ll try to take better care of myself.”

He nodded slowly, his grip tightening around your body. “And I’ll try to be less overprotective, I promise, I’ll try.”

You smiled, a tear slipping down your cheek. “Thank you, Isaac.”

As you stood there, holding onto each other in the quiet morning light, you felt a sense of peace. When he pulled back, he scrunched up his face. “But it’ll be harder to explain that to mum and dad.”

You shrugged, “they’ll get it, one day, hopefully.”

After breakfast, Isaac announced he needed to run some errands in town. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours,” he said, grabbing his keys. “Call me if you need anything, okay?”

You nodded, giving him a reassuring smile. “I’ll be fine. Take your time.”

As the door closed behind him, the house fell into a quiet lull. You settled back on the couch, trying to get comfortable and rest your ankle. Just as you were starting to drift off, the doorbell rang.

With a sigh, you swung your legs off the couch and hobbled toward the door, wincing with each step. When you finally reached it and pulled it open, you were greeted by Lando’s mischievous grin that quickly turned into worry.

“Hey,” he said, his brow furrowed as he took in your hobbling form. “You shouldn’t be up and about. How’s the ankle?”

“Hey, Lando,” you replied, leaning against the doorframe for support. “It’s sore but I’ll survive. Come in.”

He stepped inside, immediately reaching out to steady you. “Here, let me help you back to the couch.”

You nodded, grateful for his support. You leaned against him and held his hand as he guided you back to your spot on the couch. You couldn’t help but notice the warmth of his touch and the genuine concern in his eyes.

“Thanks,” you said once you were settled again. “What brings you here?”

Lando shrugged, a playful smile tugging at his lips. “I wanted to check on you. Make sure you’re not getting into any more trouble.”

You chuckled softly. “Well, I did manage to twist my ankle pretty badly.”

His expression turned serious. “I know. I felt terrible leaving you like that last night.”

“It’s alright, I was already sleeping before you left,” you waved off his concern.

“Speaking of falling asleep…” Lando began, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “I couldn’t resist stopping by the bookstore you mentioned. Figured I’d pick up a couple of books to keep us entertained.”

You grinned, appreciating his thoughtfulness. “You went to the bookstore? You really are determined to explore every corner of this town, aren’t you?”

Lando nodded enthusiastically, pulling the books out of the bag he carried when he entered. “Of course! And since my favorite tour guide is out of commission,” he said, gesturing to your injured ankle, “I had to take matters into my own hands.”

He revealed two identical books, holding them up with a grin. “Thought we could have a reading competition. Winner gets bragging rights.”

You chuckled, shaking your head in amusement. “It’s always a competition with you, isn’t it?”

Lando shrugged nonchalantly, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “What can I say? I’m a competitive guy. Comes with the territory. Oh, and by the way,” he added casually, “did I mention I’m a Formula 1 driver?”

You blinked, surprised by the revelation. “Wait, seriously?”

Lando grinned, “yeah, been racing for quite a few years now.”

You nodded, a smile spreading on your face when he delved into the details, and it’s evident that he loves talking about his passion.

“That actually makes so much sense, that’s how you know the Sainz family, right?”

Lando’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Yes, but how do you know them?”

You laughed softly, and it quickly became a sound Lando loved hearing. “I live next to the villa, remember?” You teased jokingly.

A sheepish smile grew on his face, “oh, right. So what, you’ve met Carlos too? And here I thought I was the first F1 driver you’ve met.”

You nodded. “Yeah, in passing. We never really talked much, but I’ve seen him and his family around often.”

Then you leaned closer and whispered, “but don’t tell him that he may no longer be my favourite.”

He quirked up an eyebrow, leaning in as well and responding with the same amount of energy. “Then who is?”

You shrugged, leaning back with a small smile and a faint blush covering your cheeks. “I think I might have to watch a race to decide.”

As you continued chatting with Lando, the pain in your ankle seemed to fade into the background. His enthusiasm was infectious, and you found yourself drawn into his stories about racing, the thrill of waiting for the lights to go out, and the camaraderie between his fellow drivers.

Eventually, you decided to start the reading competition. Both of you settled into the couch with your respective books, determined to see who would finish first. But as the minutes ticked by, Lando found it hard to focus on his book. His gaze kept drifting to you, watching the way your eyes moved across the pages and the little expressions that flitted across your face as you read.

He couldn’t help but want to talk to you, to hear more about your thoughts. Finally, he put his book down with a sigh, unable to concentrate any longer.

“So, what’s next on the agenda once your ankle’s better? Something less adventurous, perhaps?”

You placed your book down after marking your page, chuckling as you looked at him. “Can’t focus, can you?”

“Not with you around,” he shrugged casually.

Trapping your lip between your teeth to prevent a smile from growing on your face, you chose to focus on the question he asked.

“There’s this amazing seafood restaurant nearby. It’s a local favorite, and the food is incredible. Fresh catches of the day, and the chef’s specials are to die for. You’ll love it!”

As you spoke, you didn’t notice Lando’s face pale slightly. He wasn’t a fan of seafood, but he couldn’t bring himself to dampen your excitement by telling you the truth. The way your eyes lit up talking about the place made him want to experience it with you, even if he never wanted to be around any sort of fish.

“Sounds great,” Lando said, forcing a smile. “I’m looking forward to it.”

You clapped your hands together, beaming. “You won’t regret it, I promise. The view from the restaurant is amazing too. It’s right by the water, and you can see the boats coming in and out of the harbor. It’s a perfect spot for a relaxing evening.”

Lando nodded, matching your enthusiasm as best he could. “That sounds perfect. I can’t wait.”

“How about we go there for dinner tomorrow?” you suggested, your excitement bubbling over.

“Tomorrow night it is,” Lando agreed, his smile genuine due to your smile despite his seafood reservations.

The next evening came around too quickly for Lando’s liking. Instead of stressing over what to wear this time, he was worried about the food itself. The prospect of seafood was daunting, but he didn’t want to let you down. As he rummaged through his closet, Max walked into the room with a teasing grin.

“Mate, you like her so much that you’d willingly eat seafood for her?” Max said, leaning against the doorframe.

Lando looked up, a mixture of nerves and amusement on his face. “Yeah, well, it’s not just about the food. It’s about the company.”

He chuckled, “you’re a brave man.” Then he sighed exaggeratedly, “oh the things you do in love.”

Lando’s back straightened suddenly. “It’s not love… yet. We’re just hanging out.”

Max’s eyes widened since he didn’t expect such an answer, “wait a second, ‘yet’? Do you actually like her?”

Lando shrugged, trying to play it off, but the slight smile on his face betrayed him. “I don’t know, Max. Maybe. It’s… complicated.”

Max studied him for a moment, then a grin spread across his face. “I should’ve seen it coming, but she’s great! Maybe even a little out of your league,” he spoke with a teasing grin, that only made Lando roll his eyes when he saw his best friend’s face.

“She’s beautiful,” he said softly, not denying Max’s words.

Max's teasing grin softened into a more serious expression. "Hey, I'm serious though. You don't have to go through with this if you're not comfortable. You shouldn't feel like you have to force yourself to like something just to impress her."

Lando appreciated Max's concern, but he shook his head. "It's not about impressing her. I want to spend time with her, Max. She's... she's different."

Max raised an eyebrow, a knowing look in his eyes. "Different, huh? Well, just be careful, okay?"

Lando nodded, his thoughts swirling with uncertainty and anticipation. "Of course."

As Max left the room, Lando took a moment to collect his thoughts. He knew Max was just looking out for him, but there was something about you that made him want to take the risk. With a determined smile, he finished getting ready and was about to head out to meet you, feeling a mix of nerves and excitement building inside him.

Right as he was leaving the villa, Max’s voice rang out. “If you need an excuse to skip out, I can come up with something. No need to torture yourself over fish.”

Lando shook his head, appreciating the concern. “Thanks, Max, but I’ll be fine. I just… I don’t want to ruin this. She’s really excited about the place.”

A very short drive later, Lando knocked on your door, and when you opened it, his eyes widened appreciatively as they swept over you. You wore a simple yet elegant dress, the color complementing your features perfectly.

“Wow,” he breathed, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “You look amazing.”

Blushing slightly at his compliment, you thanked him and closed the door behind you as you left your cottage, walking towards Lando’s car. “Thanks, Lando, you don’t look too bad yourself.”

He fell in step beside you, still admiring your outfit. “So, do you have a hot date or something?”

You chuckled at his question, shaking your head. “Nope, no dates, just going out with some racer guy, not sure if you know him.”

Sitting in his car, he instantly looked at you with a raised eyebrow and a playful smirk dancing on his lips. “Hmm, sounds like a great guy! Is he interesting?”

You laughed, nudging him as he drove. “Very.”

When you arrived at the restaurant, the sun was just starting to set, casting a golden glow over the water. It was nestled right by the harbor, with a perfect view of the boats coming and going. Lando parked the car and helped you out, his hand lingering a moment longer than necessary as he offered support for your still-healing ankle. Even though you could walk without needing support again, you didn’t mind holding onto his hand.

“Wow, this place is beautiful,” he said, genuinely impressed by the picturesque setting.

“I told you,” you replied with a satisfied smile. “Come on, let’s get a table by the window.”

The interior of the restaurant was cozy, with soft lighting and a gentle murmur of conversation filling the air. A small fish tank adorned one corner of the room, the colorful fish swimming lazily in the water. Lando couldn’t help but chuckle nervously as he glanced at the tank.

“Kinda cruel, isn’t it?” he joked, nodding towards the fish tank. "Having live fish in a seafood restaurant," Lando remarked with a wry smile.

Still, you laughed, nodding in agreement. "The owners think it adds to the ambiance."

As you were seated and handed the menus, Lando took a deep breath, steeling himself for the seafood-heavy options. But when he looked across the table and saw your excited expression, he hoped it would all be worth it. This evening was about enjoying your company, and he was determined to do just that, and perhaps if everything went very well, he might casually mention that he’d like to take you out on an actual date.

As the waiter took your orders, you couldn't contain your excitement, eager to indulge in the fresh seafood the restaurant had to offer. Lando, however, seemed a bit hesitant, but he eventually settled on a dish, trying to mask his apprehension with a smile.

Once the food arrived, you dug in eagerly, savoring each bite of the delicious seafood. However, as you glanced over at Lando, you noticed something was off. His attempts to conceal his discomfort were evident, and you could see the struggle on his face as he hesitantly bit into a shrimp, his expression revealing disgust as he tried to swallow it.

Concerned, you leaned closer to him, your voice soft with worry. "Is everything okay, Lando?"

He hesitated, clearly torn, spitting the piece of shrimp into a tissue before finally admitting, "I'm sorry, I just... I can't do seafood."

Surprised by his confession, you felt a pang of guilt wash over you. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

Lando shrugged, looking sheepish. "I didn't want to ruin your plans, you looked so excited to come here and I thought I could handle it, but..."

Without hesitation, you reached out, taking his hand in yours. "Come on, let's get out of here."

Leading him out of the restaurant, you felt a mix of disappointment and concern. Disappointed that he didn’t feel comfortable sharing such a simple detail with you, and concerned that he attempted to eat a shrimp, knowing he disliked it, all for your sake.

But as you walked together, you were determined to salvage the evening because you didn’t want the night to end just yet. "How about we find a burger place? Is that something you'll enjoy."

Lando's gratitude was evident in his smile as he nodded, and together, you set off to find a new spot to continue your evening, determined to make it memorable for all the right reasons.

You and Lando ended up sitting in his car, munching on takeout burgers and fries, the mood was light and laughter filled the air. Lando was in the middle of telling a funny story from his racing season, his eyes lighting up with excitement as he recounted the antics of how multiple of his fellow drivers tried to convince him to try seafood but failed.

You couldn’t help but laugh along, enjoying the animated way he described each moment. You playfully nudged Lando, a grin spreading across your face. “Well, it seems like all those F1 drivers couldn’t get you to try seafood, but I did, even if it was just a bite!”

Lando leaned back in his seat, a lighthearted smile playing on his lips. “You know, for you, I’d try anything… except seafood.”

As you heard Lando's words, a soft realization came to you that his remark held a hint of flirtation.

“Why don’t you like seafood anyways?” you couldn’t help but ask, especially since this town was full of loads of seafood options and now you had to think of other restaurants for him to try.

Lando shrugged, taking another bite of his burger before answering. “I guess it’s just not my thing. I’ve never been a fan of the taste or the texture.”

As you indulged in your burger, a smear of sauce found its way to the corner of your lips. Lando's eyes caught the small detail, and with a gentle smile, he pointed it out. "You've got a little something right there."

You chuckled, raising your hand to wipe it away, but before you could, Lando's fingers grazed over the corner of your lips, wiping away the sauce. His touch was gentle, his gaze lingering for a moment longer than necessary as he leaned in close.

A subtle warmth spread through you at the intimacy of the gesture, and for a moment, time seemed to slow as you met his gaze. There was something unspoken between you, a silent acknowledgment of the growing connection that seemed to deepen with each passing moment.

His fingers lingered at the edge of your lips, and you could feel his breath, warm and inviting, mingling with yours. The world around you faded, leaving only the two of you in that fleeting instant.

“Lando…” you whispered, your voice barely audible over the pounding of your heart. The space between you grew smaller, your faces inching closer together.

He tilted his head slightly, his eyes flicking down to your lips and back up to your eyes. The anticipation was electric, a charged moment that seemed to stretch on forever.

But then, he pulled back, a faint blush tinting his cheeks. “I don’t want our first kiss to be like this,” he murmured, his voice soft but resolute. “You deserve a proper date first.”

A mix of disappointment and warmth washed over you. His thoughtfulness, his desire to make things right, only made your heart ache more with affection. Amidst the laughter and shared stories, his words hung between you, a promise of something more.

As quickly as the thought arose, the weight of your illness pressed down on you, reminding you of life's fragility and the uncertainty of tomorrow. Your thoughts lingered on wondering if you even had a future in general. To entertain the idea of a future with him would only cause your heart to ache, knowing that you might not live to see those dreams come true.

The thought of a future, a proper date, a real kiss—all of it seemed so painfully out of reach.

It was a bittersweet realization, knowing that even the simplest of dreams could be overshadowed by the reality of your condition. While he would return back to the fast paced world of racing, you would remain in this small town, wondering how many more dreams you would have to crush because fate decided to take away your life, inch by inch.

Awkwardness filled the car on your end, your emotions shifting to cold and stoic, like they were before you met him. The warm connection you had felt only moments ago was replaced by a wall you erected to protect your heart. Lando noticed the change, his cheerful demeanor faltering as the silence grew heavy between you.

Soon enough, you both finished your burgers, and Lando started the car to drive you home. The ride was quiet, the earlier laughter and easy conversation now replaced by a tension that neither of you acknowledged. When he pulled up to your house, he turned off the engine and looked at you, a hint of concern in his eyes.

“Do you want me to walk you to the door?” he asked softly.

You shook your head, your voice barely above a whisper. “No, it’s fine. Thanks for the evening, Lando.”

He watched as you climbed out of the car, a confused and worried expression on his face. As you walked to your door, you could feel his eyes on you, but you didn’t look back. You shut the door behind you, leaning against it for a moment as a tear threatened to slip down your cheek.

Lando sat in his car, staring at the closed door, wondering what he had done wrong and why the evening had ended on such a somber note. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something important had changed, but he had no idea what it was or how to fix it.

—

Over the next couple of days, you don’t acknowledge the thoughts that are bubbling up in your mind, instead choosing to tread carefully and immerse yourself in your daily routine. You’ve lived a lot more than you have over the past couple of months, and felt the joy that it brings. But now, you had to face the consequences causing you to distance yourself away from Lando before you got too attached to the happiness that came with being around him. Once you realized that you truly wanted to kiss him that night, everything changed. You had to take a preemptive measure, a self-imposed boundary designed to shield your heart from potential pain.

Your health deteriorated significantly. Your energy waned, and simple tasks like walking around the house left you breathless and exhausted. Fortunately, you have a doctor’s appointment scheduled, a simple routine checkup. However, it coincided with plans you made with Lando. Determined to distance yourself from him, you don’t tell him about the change of plans.

At the doctor’s appointment, you sit in the sterile examination room, the familiar scent of antiseptic mingling with nerves that coil in the pit of your stomach. These appointments, routine yet crucial, serve as a barometer of your ongoing battle against your illness.

As the doctor enters, his expression is professional yet compassionate, his eyes scanning through your medical history with a practiced ease. You recount the recent symptoms you’ve been experiencing, the fatigue that seems to seep into your bones, and the persistent ache that lingers despite treatment.

With a sympathetic nod, the doctor orders a series of tests, his urgency palpable as he reviews your file. The minutes stretch into an eternity as you wait for the results, each passing second filled with a silent plea for a glimmer of hope.

When the test results finally come back, the doctor’s demeanor shifts subtly, his tone measured yet grave. “I’m afraid the results are not as we had hoped,” he begins, his words heavy with significance.

Your heart sinks at the confirmation of your worst fears, the reality of your illness casting a shadow over your hopes for improvement. Despite your best efforts, it seems that the tide of your health is turning against you once again.

A sense of dread fills you as he explains that the illness has advanced more rapidly than expected. “We need to keep you overnight for observation,” he says gently. “Your vitals are unstable, and we need to adjust your treatment plan.”

You nod, too emotionally tired to object, allowing a nurse to lead you to the hospital room, one that you became too familiar with over the past few years. You would spend yet another night under the harsh fluorescent lights of the hospital, experience another round of tests and treatments, and take another uncertain step into the abyss of your illness.

You lie in the hospital bed, hooked up to various machines, feeling the weight of exhaustion settle over you like a heavy blanket. The familiar beeps and hums of the medical equipment provide a disconcerting backdrop to your thoughts, each sound a reminder of the precariousness of your health.

As you drift in and out of consciousness, your mind wanders to Lando, the plans you had made together now nothing more than distant dreams. Guilt gnaws at the edges of your consciousness, knowing that he waits for you, unaware of the sudden turn your day has taken.

Just as the shadows of doubt threaten to overwhelm you, a soft knock on the door interrupts your thoughts. Startled, you turn to see Isaac's familiar face framed in the doorway, concern etched into his features.

"Hey," he says softly, crossing the room to sit beside you. "I got your text. Are you okay?"

You manage a weak smile, grateful for his presence amidst the sterile confines of the hospital room. "Yeah, just another setback," you reply, your voice barely above a whisper.

Isaac reaches out to squeeze your hand gently, his touch a comforting anchor in the sea of uncertainty. "You’ll get through this," he says, his voice steady and reassuring.

As Isaac settles into the chair beside your hospital bed, he observes the flurry of activity around you—the nurses bustling about, the doctors conferring in hushed tones, tweaking the machines, their purpose still a mystery to him after all these visits.

When there's a lull in the commotion, Isaac hesitates before speaking, his voice soft with concern. "Hey, I wanted to let you know... Lando stopped by the cottage today."

“What’d he say?” you ask, your voice barely above a whisper.

"He asked about you today," Isaac begins, his tone gentle. "Said you had plans but you didn't show. He mentioned he hasn't seen you in a couple of days. Is everything okay between you two?"

You nod weakly, offering a small smile to reassure Isaac. "Yeah, everything's fine. I just... I don't know, I guess I realized that I've been enjoying his company a lot more than I should, given my condition."

He frowns, “what’s wrong with that? You’re both happy around each other, so why are you distancing yourself away from him?”

You scoff, “have you seen me?” You raise your arm that has an IV inserted, along with the other wires connected to you.

“It doesn’t matter,” Isaac insists gently. “He cares about you. You deserve happiness too, regardless of what’s going on with your health.”

You shake your head, a hint of frustration in your voice. “You don’t understand, Isaac. I don’t have a guarantee of how I’m spending the next week, let alone the rest of my life. I don’t want to hurt Lando by snatching away his happiness one day too. I’m just… preventing myself, and him, from getting too attached to each other.”

Isaac sighs, his expression softening with understanding. "You're not scared of getting too attached, are you? You already are, whether you admit it or not. But by staying away, you're only hurting yourself and him more."

You avert your gaze, feeling the weight of his words sinking in. "I know," you admit quietly. "But I don't know what else to do."

"He deserves to know if he's falling in love with you," Isaac says gently, his voice filled with concern. "And you deserve to have someone by your side, especially during the tough times."

You let out a heavy sigh, knowing he's right but still unsure of what to do next. "I guess I did find someone that fate hates more than me."

"So you agree, that he's in love with you?" Isaac probes, searching your eyes for confirmation.

"He's only in love because he barely knows me," you reply, your voice tinged with sadness.

“Maybe you should give him a chance to know you, the real you,” he responds.

You bite your lip, unsure of how to respond. Deep down, you know Isaac is right, but the fear of hurting Lando is overwhelming. Yet, the thought of pushing him away hurts just as much.

Before you can dwell on it further, a nurse enters the room, breaking the momentary silence. Isaac gives you a reassuring smile before standing up to give you some privacy. As he leaves, his words linger in the air, leaving you to contemplate the complexities of your situation.

The next morning, you’re discharged, feeling even more drained. The doctors have adjusted your medications, but the prognosis remains grim.

You left the hospital, walking in step beside Isaac for a moment until he headed towards the parking lot to bring the car around. As you were blinking in the bright morning sunlight, you nearly collided with Max, who was just outside chatting with someone on his phone.

“Hey there!” Max greets you with a wide grin, sliding his phone into his pocket. However, his expression quickly turns into a frown as he notices the hospital wristband adorning your wrist. “Wait, were you in there?” he asks, concern lacing his words. “Is everything okay?”

You take a moment to gather your thoughts, not wanting to worry him unnecessarily or dive into the complexities of your recent hospital stay. “Oh, it was just a routine checkup, some bloodwork, you know how that goes, nothing to worry about,” you assure him with a tight-lipped smile.

Max’s eyes narrow slightly, clearly not entirely convinced by your explanation, but he decides not to press further.

He glances over his shoulder, then back at you. “I was just at the café right down the street.”

You nod, “good choice, they make the best coffee in town.”

He smiled as his choice was approved by you. “Do you need a ride? I’m heading back to the villa.”

You shook your head, “no it’s alright, Isaac’s bringing the car around.”

“Alright, I guess I’ll see you around, only a few more days left before we leave this paradise,” he reminds you.

You offer him a grateful nod. “Yeah, time flies, doesn’t it?” you reply with a forced smile since you were hoping to return home soon. “I’ll catch up with you later.”

As Max nods in agreement and starts to walk away, you can’t shake the feeling that he suspects something isn’t quite right. But you push the thought aside, determined to focus on the present moment and put on a brave face as you step away from the hospital and back into the world outside.

As Isaac parks in the driveway, you notice Lando pacing back and forth by the front door, his brows furrowed in concern. The sight of him fills you with a tumult of conflicting emotions. Isaac’s words echo in your mind, urging you to be honest with Lando, to tell him how much you care about him, to share the burden of your illness. But fear gnaws at your insides, whispering that revealing the truth will only drive him away.

His expression changes from relief to frustration as he sees you approaching.

“Where were you?” he demanded, his voice tinged with worry. “I’ve been trying to reach you.”

As you and Lando stand in front of each other, locked in a tense silence, Isaac takes a step back, sensing the need for privacy between you two. With a subtle nod, he heads inside the cottage, leaving you and Lando alone on the doorstep.

The weight of unspoken words hangs heavy in the air, suffocating you both with its palpable intensity. You struggle to find the right words to break the silence, to bridge the growing chasm between you, but fear and uncertainty grip you like a vice, paralyzing your tongue.

Lando shifts uncomfortably, his gaze flickering between you as if searching for answers in the depths of your eyes. His expression is a mix of hurt and confusion, mirroring the tumultuous storm raging within your own heart.

You want to tell Lando the truth, to let him in, but the thought of exposing your vulnerabilities terrifies you. You can’t bear the idea of him seeing you as fragile, of pitying you. So, holding your head up high, you decide to make him hate you before he realizes that he loves you.

You force a nonchalant shrug, trying to play it off. “I had some errands to run, and I forgot we had plans.”

“Forgot?” he repeats, incredulous. “We made those plans a while ago. Forget that, I haven’t seen you for days. What’s really going on?”

Annoyed, and wanting to distance yourself from him before your feelings grow even stronger, you let a hint of irritation seep into your voice. “I don’t owe you an explanation for everything I do, Lando. It’s not a big deal.”

He’s taken aback by your rudeness, his face falling slightly. “Not a big deal? I’ve been worried sick about you.”

“Well, you don’t need to be,” you say curtly, avoiding his eyes. “I can take care of myself.”

An awkward silence falls between you two, the tension palpable. Lando’s expression shifts from hurt to confusion. He takes a step back, clearly stung by your words.

“Fine,” he says quietly, his voice pained. “If that’s how you want it.”

You nod, turning away from him and heading inside, each step feeling heavier than the last. Lando stands outside for a moment longer, staring at the closed door. He can’t shake the feeling that there’s more to your abrupt change in behavior, but he respects your wish for distance. With a heavy heart, he turns and walks away, leaving you alone with your thoughts and the echo of the door closing between you

You lean against the door, quickly sliding down and sitting on the floor as you cover your face with your hands, fighting back tears.

Pushing him away is probably the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but you convince yourself it’s for the best.

Isaac spots you sitting on the floor, and quickly rushes towards you. Moving your hands away from your face, he notices the tears staining your cheeks and has an idea of how the conversation went with Lando.

"You're still as stubborn as ever, aren't you?" he remarked rhetorically, but then he enveloped you in his arms, holding you close as you trembled with sobs.

You pulled back slightly, sniffling as you tried to compose yourself. "I can't tell him," you whispered, your voice barely audible over the rush of emotions.

Meanwhile, Lando trudged back to the villa, his mind heavy with thoughts and his heart weighed down by the encounter with you. When he arrived, Max was idly sitting around.

“Hey, mate,” Max greeted but his expression turned serious as he observed Lando’s demeanour. “You okay?”

Lando shrugged, sitting next to Max as he tried to brush off the weight of his emotions. “I saw her today.”

He nodded, “how’d it go?”

Lando frowned, furrowing his brows. “I don’t know, Max. That’s the thing. It’s like I saw a completely different person today. Someone I thought I knew, but now… she’s like a stranger.”

Max furrowed his brow, concerned. “What do you mean?”

Lando shook his head, struggling to find the right words. “I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like she was pushing me away, Max. Acting cold and distant, like she didn’t want anything to do with me.”

Max nodded in understanding. “Well, mate, maybe she’s just having a rough day. I mean, she was at the hospital earlier.”

His words caught Lando off guard. He blinked in surprise, his brows furrowing as he processed the information. “Wait, she was at the hospital?” he asked, a note of concern creeping into his voice.

Max nodded solemnly. “Yeah, I saw her leaving earlier today. Said it wasn’t serious, just a routine check up but she looked very tired, like she hadn’t slept properly in days.”

Lando’s concern deepened as he absorbed Max’s words. “Why didn’t she tell me?” he murmured, a mix of worry and frustration evident in his voice.

Max placed a comforting hand on Lando’s shoulder. “Maybe she just needs some space, mate. It’s not easy opening up about personal stuff, especially to someone you care about a lot.”

“You think she cares about me?” Lando asked, his tone almost a mumbling mess.

Max scoffed, “see I knew you were an idiot but not to this extent that you don’t even see the obvious. Of course she cares about you, mate!”

“Well I know that, it’s just I don’t wanna read into something that’s not there, you know?”

Max squeezed Lando’s shoulder reassuringly. “Trust me, mate, it’s there. Sometimes, we just need a little nudge to see what’s right in front of us.”

Lando nodded slowly, his mind still swirling with doubts and questions. “I guess you’re right,” he conceded, a faint glimmer of hope starting to flicker within him.

Max grinned, clapping him on the back. “That’s the spirit! Just give her some time, and I’m sure things will sort themselves out.”

The cottage exudes a somber atmosphere, suffused with memories of those initial days when you sought refuge from your parents' house, just across town. After your diagnosis, living with your parents became unbearable, evoking memories of your tumultuous teenage years, always feeling scolded and misunderstood. With persuasion and determination, you relocated to the cottage, that has always acted as a second childhood home, with your brother, longing for respite from the tumult of your parents' home. Eventually, your parents themselves moved to the next town over, seeking their own fresh start, leaving you and your brother to navigate the challenges of your illness in your quiet abode.

Now, as you sit in the same kitchen where you once grappled with the harsh reality of your illness, the mood is eerily similar. A strange sense of déjà vu washes over you as the silence in the cottage seems to press down, a stark contrast to the vibrant conversations and laughter that once echoed within these walls during your childhood summers. Even more palpably, you recall the warmth of recent memories, the shared laughter with Lando when you had twisted your ankle, filling the space with a joy that now feels distant and elusive. The air is thick with unspoken words, the tension palpable as if one wrong move could shatter the fragile peace you carefully built.

Isaac sits across from you, his presence comforting amidst the somber atmosphere. He watches you closely, his gaze filled with concern and understanding.

“Are you okay?” he asks, breaking the silence that hangs heavy between you.

You force a smile, but it feels hollow on your lips. “Just tired,” you reply, the words barely audible over the quiet hum of the refrigerator.

While Isaac may be aware of some of the pain you feel, he doesn’t know the full extent of what you’re enduring. You want to shield him from the worst, hiding just how much it hurts. The pain has been relentless, gnawing at you day and night, with only a brief sense of comfort for a few hours after taking your medication. Every movement feels like a struggle, every breath a reminder of the fragility of your condition.

Isaac studies your face, his eyes narrowing with concern. “You should call Mom and Dad,” he says softly, breaking the silence. “They need to know what’s going on. Your health is getting worse.”

You shake your head, the thought of burdening your parents with more bad news twisting your stomach into knots. “They’ve been hoping I’m getting better.”

Isaac sighs, reaching across the table to take your hand. “They’re gonna find out soon enough and they’ll want to be here for you, to support you. It’s better they hear it from you than from anyone else.”

You look down at your hands, Isaac’s warmth a stark contrast to the cold dread settling in your bones. “I just… I don’t want to shatter their hope again.”

Isaac squeezes your hand gently. “They love you. They’re not going to be disappointed in you. They’ll be worried, sure, but they need to know. You need all the support you can get.”

You nod slowly, feeling the weight of his words settle over you. “Okay,” you whisper, your voice trembling. “I’ll call them.”

Isaac gives you a reassuring smile, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. “Good. We’ll get through this together. You’re not alone.”

You manage a hint of a smile, looking at Isaac. “You know,” you say softly, “you’re such a good older brother especially for someone who’s younger than me.”

Isaac chuckles, a warm, comforting sound in the quiet room. “Age is just a number,” he says, squeezing your hand gently. “Besides, someone has to keep you in line.”

“Keep me in line? I think we’ve switched roles, remember how I used to keep you out of trouble?” You remark.

You can feel the tension ease in the room as Isaac laughs at the memory before standing up to prepare dinner, allowing you to pick up your phone.

The thought of hearing your parents’ voices fills you with a mixture of fear and relief. You know Isaac is right, but the conversation ahead feels like another mountain to climb. Taking a deep breath, you dial the familiar number, bracing yourself for what’s to come. The phone rings, and with each passing moment, you feel the weight of the upcoming conversation pressing down on you.

Finally, your mother answers, her voice warm and familiar. “Hello, sweetie. It’s been a while since you called. How are you?”

You hesitate for a moment, trying to keep your voice steady. “Hi, Mom. I… I need to talk to you about something.”

There’s a pause, and you can hear the concern in her voice. “What is it, honey? Is everything alright?”

Before you can respond, she quickly switches to a video call. Her face appears on the screen, eyes wide with worry. “Tell me what’s going on,” she says, her voice trembling slightly.

Seeing her face makes it harder to hold back your emotions. You take a deep breath, trying to gather your thoughts. “Mom, I’ve been trying to stay strong and not worry you and Dad, but… my health has been getting worse.”

Her expression shifts from concern to fear and then to a hint of anger masking hurt. “Worse? How worse, dear? Are you not taking care of yourself properly?”

You wince at her words, knowing they come from a place of worry. “I stayed a night at the hospital,” you continue. “They said if it doesn’t get better with the new medication, I’ll have to go back. The pain has been relentless. I can barely move without feeling it, and the medication only helps for a few hours.”

Your mother’s face pales, her eyes filling with tears. “Why didn’t you tell us sooner? We’ve been hoping you were getting better.”

“I didn’t want to worry you,” you admit, your voice cracking. “I wanted to protect you from the worst of it.”

Your mother shakes her head, wiping away a tear. “We’re your parents. We want to be there for you, no matter what. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

“I know,” you say, your own tears starting to fall. “It’s just so hard. Every day feels like a struggle, and I didn’t want to burden you.”

Isaac rounds the kitchen table and speaks up, his voice steady and supportive. “We’re all in this together, Mom. We need your support now more than ever.”

Your mother nods, her expression determined, though the hurt still lingers in her eyes. “We’ll be there for you, sweetheart. Every step of the way.”

Just then, she turns her head and calls out, “Honey, come here. It’s important.”

A moment later, your father appears on the screen, his face etched with concern. “What’s going on?”

Your mother explains quickly, her voice trembling. “She’s not doing well. She had to stay overnight at the hospital, and she might have to go back soon. We need to be there for her.”

Your father’s expression hardens with resolve. “We’ll come over soon. Don’t worry, just be careful.”

Hearing his firm, supportive words, you feel a sense of relief and hope. “I will, thank you, Dad. I love you both.”

“We love you too,” he replies, his voice full of emotion. “We’re here for you, no matter what.”

After exchanging goodbyes and promising to see each other soon, you hang up the phone, feeling a slight sense of relief wash over you. Though it's only temporary, the weight on your shoulders lifts ever so slightly.

As Isaac reveals dinner, the aroma of his culinary creation fills the air, tempting your senses with its savory goodness. But as you take a closer look at your own plate, disappointment washes over you. The food in front of you is bland and uninspiring, reminiscent of the tasteless hospital meals you’ve grown accustomed to.

You poke at your food with little enthusiasm, knowing that the increased dosage of medication has left your taste buds dulled and unresponsive. “I can’t eat this,” you mutter, pushing the plate away with a sigh.

Isaac looks up from his own meal, concern creasing his eyebrow. “Come on, you need to eat something,” he urges, his voice gentle but firm. “It’s important for your recovery.”

You shake your head, frustration bubbling up inside you. “But it tastes like nothing,” you protest, the monotony of the hospital diet weighing heavily on your spirit.

Isaac nods sympathetically, understanding your struggle. “I know it’s tough,” he says softly. “But remember what the doctor said about avoiding spice. It’s all part of the plan to help you get better.”

Reluctantly, you take a small bite, forcing yourself to chew and swallow despite the lack of flavor. The effort feels futile, but you know Isaac is right. You need to keep up your strength, even if it means enduring tasteless meals for the time being.

As you pick at your food, Isaac’s voice breaks through your thoughts, his tone lighthearted but determined. “Hey, once you’re feeling better, we’ll have a hot chicken wing contest,” he suggests, a playful twinkle in his eye. “Just like old times. And I promise, I’ll make them so spicy, you won’t be able to taste anything for a week.”

Despite yourself, a small smile tugs at the corners of your lips. The idea of a hot chicken wing contest brings back memories of happier times, when your biggest worry was who would win the next round.

“Deal,” you agree, the idea of better days ahead spurring you on. But deep down, you know the truth that you can’t bring yourself to voice aloud in front of him again. You’re not getting better, no matter how much you wish you could.

The next day, you wake up with a sense of urgency gnawing at your insides, an inexplicable feeling pulling you towards the lighthouse. It’s as if an invisible force is guiding you, compelling you to make this journey one last time.

As you slip out of bed and prepare to leave the house, a mixture of determination and trepidation fills your heart. You know deep down that this might be the last opportunity you have to climb those stairs, to feel the wind on your face as you stand at the top and gaze out at the vast expanse of the ocean.

Isaac notices your movements and steps forward, concern etched into his features.

“Hey, where are you off to?” he asks, his voice gentle yet probing.

You hesitate for a moment, unsure if you should share your intentions. But then, you meet his gaze and find solace in his familiar eyes.

“I’m going to the lighthouse,” you reply, your voice steady despite the weight of your words. “I just… need some time alone.”

Isaac’s expression softens, understanding dawning in his eyes. He reaches out to squeeze your shoulder gently, offering silent support.

“Take all the time you need,” he says softly. “And if you need anything, call me.”

With a grateful nod, you offer him a small smile before turning to leave, the weight of your decision heavy on your heart.

You make your way up the stairs to the lighthouse, each step feeling heavier than the last. The climb feels like an uphill battle, and you find yourself pausing every few steps to catch your breath.

Your chest heaves with the effort, and a wave of dizziness washes over you as you reach the halfway point. You lean against the railing, willing yourself to continue despite the fatigue that threatens to overwhelm you.

With each step, the distance between you and the top of the lighthouse seems to stretch on forever. Your muscles ache with exertion, and your breath comes in ragged gasps.

But you refuse to give up. You grit your teeth and push through the pain, focusing all your energy on reaching the summit. With each step, you draw closer to your goal, fueled by the determination to see the view from the top one last time.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, you reach the top of the lighthouse, gasping for air, only to find Lando already there, leaning against the railing and gazing out at the horizon. He turns as he hears your footsteps and ragged breaths, surprise flickering across his face.

He takes a step back, clearly intending to give you some space. “I’ll go down,” he mutters awkwardly, gesturing towards the stairs. “This place is your spot.”

But before he can move away, you reach out and grab his hand, stopping him in his tracks. “No,” you say firmly, your voice stronger than you feel. “Stay.”

He hesitates for a moment, uncertainty flickering in his eyes, but then he nods and settles back against the railing, his gaze fixed on you with a mixture of concern and curiosity.

You take a deep breath, trying to steady your racing heart as you lean against the railing beside him. Despite the exhaustion that weighs heavily on you, being close to him brings a sense of comfort that you can’t quite explain.

“Thanks,” you murmur, grateful for his presence beside you.

He offers you a small, tentative smile in return, his hand tightening around yours in a silent gesture of support.

Taking a moment to gather your thoughts, you turn to Lando, feeling the weight of the unspoken tension between you two like a heavy blanket.

"Listen, I owe you an apology," you begin, your voice soft but sincere. "I've been acting... differently lately, and I want you to know that it's not because of anything you did. That day, I was at the hospital for a routine checkup, and it just tired me out more than I expected. I’m sorry about ditching our plans."

You technically didn’t lie, but also didn’t tell him the whole truth either. You pause, searching his face for any sign of understanding or acceptance. His expression softens, and you feel a flicker of relief.

"I shouldn't have been so rude to you," you continue, your tone earnest. "I appreciate your patience, and I'm sorry if I made you feel unwelcome."

Lando nods, his eyes reflecting empathy. "It's okay," he says gently, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze. "I understand. And I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable by showing up here."

You shake your head, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "No, you don't need to apologize. I'm glad you're here."

With that, the tension between you starts to dissolve, replaced by a sense of mutual understanding and acceptance as you stand side by side, watching the waves crash against the shore below.

Taking a moment to admire the breathtaking view from the top of the lighthouse, you feel a sense of peace wash over you. But as the adrenaline of the climb begins to wear off, your legs start to tremble beneath you, threatening to give out at any moment.

Recognizing the warning signs of exhaustion, you carefully lower yourself to the ground, your muscles protesting with each movement. Sitting down with a heavy sigh of relief, you lean back against the cool stone wall of the lighthouse, grateful for the brief respite from the physical strain.

Lando joined you as well, sitting side by side on the floor of the lighthouse. You continue to hold onto his hand, your fingers tracing patterns absentmindedly. However, despite your attempt to clear the air, he still seems hesitant, his brows furrowed with confusion.

Finally, unable to bear the uncertainty any longer, Lando breaks the silence. “Hey, can I ask you something?” he begins, his voice tentative.

You turn to him, meeting his gaze with a mixture of apprehension and curiosity. “Of course,” you reply, trying to keep your tone light despite the weight of the conversation.

He hesitates for a moment before plunging ahead. “Did something happen the night we went for burgers?” he asks, his words carefully measured. “I mean, you seemed off after… and I’ve been wondering if I did something wrong.”

Realization dawns on you that he’s talking about the almost kiss. The memory of that night floods back, the charged moment in his car when he had pulled back. You had admired his restraint, his desire to do things right, but it also made your heart ache with longing.

Your heart sinks at his words, the guilt weighing heavy on your chest. “No, Lando,” you assure him, squeezing his hand gently. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

You glance at him, seeing the earnest concern in his eyes. How you wish you had the courage to pull him in by his collar and kiss him then, to let him know just how much he meant to you despite everything.

But he doesn’t seem convinced, his gaze searching yours for any sign of dishonesty. “Don’t lie,” he says softly, his voice tinged with a hint of frustration.

You hesitate, grappling with the weight of your own emotions and the truth you’re desperate to conceal. Part of you wants to tell him how much his presence means to you, how his laughter lights up even the darkest corners of your world. But fear holds you back, whispering cruel reminders of the inevitability of heartbreak both of you will experience.

Instead of answering his question, you take a deep breath and change the subject. “So, when are you leaving?” you ask, trying to divert his attention away from your own turmoil.

He furrows his brow, clearly surprised by the sudden shift in conversation but decides not to push for an answer. “Tomorrow,” he replies, a hint of sadness in his voice.

You offer him a small smile, “well, I hope you had a good time despite my lackluster tour guide skills,” you quip, attempting to lighten the mood.

He chuckles softly, the sound warm and genuine. “Meeting you was my favorite part,” he admits, his gaze unwavering as he meets your eyes. “Spending time with you, even if it wasn’t every day, made this trip unforgettable.”

You feel a blush creeping up your cheeks at his admission, the warmth of his gaze sending a shiver down your spine. There’s a playful glint in his eyes that ignites a natural spark of flirtation between you.

In the quiet solitude of the lighthouse, you find yourself caught up in the moment with Lando, the days missed due to your own fear melting away with each shared smile and genuine laugh. Despite the lingering weight of your illness and the uncertainty that shadows your future, you're finally able to let go of the constant worry and embrace the present.

You realize that constantly dwelling on the unknown, on whether you'll have more time together or not, only serves to rob you of the joy of the moment. So instead, you allow yourself to be fully present with Lando, savoring each precious second together.

Yet, beneath the surface of your newfound acceptance, there still lingers a trace of fear. You know that distancing yourself from Lando won't protect either of you from the inevitable pain that lies ahead. His genuine smile, the way his eyes light up when he's with you, speaks volumes, and you can't deny the pull you feel toward him.

Despite the uncertainty of what the future holds, you're willing to take the risk, to open your heart to the possibility of love, even if it means facing the inevitable heartache that may follow. Because in the end, the fleeting moments of happiness you share with Lando are worth every ounce of pain.

Lando straightens up, his movements fluid and confident, as he leans in closer, a playful glint dancing in his eyes. "Hey, do you mind giving me your number and surname?" he asks casually, but there's a hint of mischief in his tone.

You raise an eyebrow, a small smirk tugging at the corners of your lips. "What are you going to do with that information?" you inquire, your curiosity piqued.

His smile widens, a charming grin that could melt anyone's heart. "Well, first so we can still stay in touch even if I’m on the other side of the world, and second so I can send you a pass for one of my races," he replies smoothly, his voice laced with playful charm.

You can't help but chuckle at his response, shaking your head in amusement. "And why would I come to your race?" you tease, enjoying the banter between you.

Lando's gaze softens, a warmth in his eyes that catches you off guard. "I think you might be my lucky charm," he admits, his tone sincere.

You pause, feeling a flutter of excitement mixed with uncertainty. "You believe in lucky charms?" you ask, a hint of skepticism in your voice.

He nods, his smile unwavering. "I didn't," he confesses, "but now it seems like a good time to start believing. Why are you asking so many questions?" he adds playfully, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

You can't help but smile at his lighthearted demeanor, appreciating the way he effortlessly lightens the mood. "You don't want me as a lucky charm," you reply, a touch of self-doubt creeping into your voice.

Lando's expression softens, his gaze filled with genuine warmth. "Why not?" he counters, his tone gentle yet determined.

"It won't last long," you murmur, a pang of sadness tugging at your heart as you glance away.

He reaches out, gently tilting your chin to meet his gaze. "It'll last as long as you're by my side," he insists, his voice sincere and unwavering. "That is up to you, don't you think so?"

His words catch you off guard, stirring something deep within you. "Now who's asking lots of questions?" you tease, attempting to lighten the mood.

"Still you," he replies with a chuckle, his eyes twinkling with affection.

You shake your head, feeling a surge of warmth at his playful banter. "You're something else, Lando."

"So are you," he replies, his smile soft and genuine. "In the best way possible."

You oblige Lando’s request, typing your phone number into his phone and saving your full name in his contacts. It’s a small gesture, but one that feels significant in the moment, despite the fact that you know you’ll never take him up on the offer for a pass to his race.

As the sun casts its golden glow across the rugged coastline, you and Lando sit side by side, taking in the breathtaking view from the top of the lighthouse. The air is filled with the sounds of seagulls circling overhead and the distant rumble of waves crashing against the shore below.

Lando’s arm around your shoulders feels like a lifeline, grounding you in the present moment amidst the tumult of your thoughts and emotions. You find solace in his presence, a sense of calm washing over you as you soak in the warmth of the afternoon sun.

The playful banter and teasing remarks give way to a comfortable silence, allowing you both to simply be in each other’s company without the need for words. It’s a moment of quiet intimacy, where the weight of the world fades away and all that matters is the connection between you and Lando.

You lean into his embrace, feeling the steady rhythm of his breathing and the reassuring strength of his arm around you. In this moment, surrounded by the beauty of nature and the warmth of Lando’s presence, you feel a sense of peace wash over you, knowing that whatever the future may hold, you’re grateful for this moment of shared serenity.

As you both prepare to descend the stairs, Lando pauses, noticing your reluctance to leave the view behind. "Shouldn't I be the one lingering back to admire the horizon? After all, I'm the one leaving, not you," he quips with a playful smirk.

You chuckle at his remark, shaking your head in amusement. "Come on, Lando, don't act like you're the only one who appreciates a good view," you tease back, nudging him lightly.

He grins, his gaze lingering on you for a moment before turning back to the scenery. "Fair point," he concedes, his tone light and playful. “I’ll wait for you downstairs then.”

You nod, watching him make his way down the stairs. The gentle breeze ruffles your hair, and you take a deep breath, committing the scene to memory.

With a sense of purpose, you scan the area, searching for the perfect spot to leave your message. Your eyes alight on a small alcove tucked away in a corner, sheltered from the wind and hidden from plain sight. It’s a secluded nook, easily overlooked by passersby, but will be found if it’s searched for.

Slipping something into the alcove, you ensure it’s nestled securely among the shadows, a subtle gesture meant for only the most observant of visitors. With a satisfied nod, you turn to follow Lando down the stairs.

—

The following day is a whirlwind of activity as your parents arrive at the cottage. They come bearing an array of supplies and comforts, ready to pamper you with their love and attention.

"Sweetheart, we brought some of your favorite homemade meals," your mom chirps, bustling into the kitchen with bags of groceries in tow.

Your dad follows closely behind, a stack of freshly laundered blankets in his arms. "And I made sure to pack extra blankets in case you get chilly," he adds with a warm smile.

Isaac turns to your mother, his expression gentle yet concerned. “Just a heads up, she can’t have any spicy food because of the doctor’s orders,” he explains, hoping to avoid any culinary mishaps.

“Isaac, don’t ruin it,” you mutter, holding the tupperware filled with your favourite dishes.

Your dad, overhearing the conversation, interjects with a reassuring pat on Isaac’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, son. Your mother has spent many hours in the kitchen cooking up a storm for our girl here,” he says with a fond smile. “A little taste of home can work wonders for the soul.”

You can't help but smile at their fussing, feeling a mixture of gratitude and guilt at their doting gestures. "How long are you planning to stay?" you inquire, trying to gauge the extent of their visit.

"Until you're better, of course," your mom replies without hesitation, her tone leaving no room for argument.

Throughout the day, your parents dote on you, attending to your every need with unwavering devotion. They fluff pillows, brew tea, and fuss over you as if you were a child again, and despite the sadness that tugs at your heart, you find solace in their presence.

As evening falls and the cottage is filled with the aroma of home-cooked meals, you can't help but feel a pang of bittersweet nostalgia. These moments of familial closeness are precious, and you savor each one, knowing deep down that they may be fleeting.

Amidst the cozy atmosphere that had filled your cottage, a sudden realization dawns on you. Today is the day Lando is leaving, and with the flurry of activity happening throughout the day, you had almost forgotten.

Abandoning your dinner mid-bite, you quickly put on a pair of shoes, your heart pounding with urgency. As you rush towards the door, your parents pause in their fussing, exchanging puzzled glances as they notice your abrupt departure.

“Where are you going?” your mom asks, concern etched in her voice.

You pause in the doorway, a sense of determination driving you forward. “I have to see Lando,” you reply, your words rushed and breathless.

As you disappear out the door, your parents turn to your brother, confusion evident in their expressions. “Who’s Lando?” your dad asks, his brow furrowed in bewilderment.

Isaac sighs, shaking his head as he meets their gaze. “He’s the one she’s in love with,” he explains softly, a hint of sadness in his voice. “But I’m not sure if she’s ready to accept it yet.”

As you reach the villa, your breath comes in ragged gasps, each inhale becoming a struggle. Pain pulses through your chest with every heartbeat, but you refuse to let it slow you down. Adrenaline surges through your veins, driving you forward with an urgency born of raw emotion.

Your eyes scan the scene before you, taking in the sight of Max hurriedly loading the car with his and Lando’s bags. The trunk is nearly full, a testament to the impending departure that looms over you like a storm cloud. You feel a knot form in your stomach, a sense of panic seizing hold of you as you realize that time is slipping away.

Then, amidst the chaos, you spot Lando emerging from the villa, his expression one of surprise and concern as he catches sight of you. His brow furrows in confusion, his eyes searching yours for an explanation.

Without hesitation, you push yourself forward, your feet carrying you towards him with a desperate urgency. With trembling hands, you reach out to him, your fingers brushing against his arm before wrapping around him in a tight embrace. His warmth envelops you, a comforting anchor amidst the storm raging within you. For a fleeting moment, the pain in your chest eases, replaced by a sense of peace that only he can provide.

For a long moment, you simply hold onto each other, the world around you fading into insignificance as you find solace in each other’s arms. The weight of unspoken words hangs heavy between you, the truth lingering on the tip of your tongue, waiting to be unleashed.

As you finally pull away, a silent understanding passes between you, a shared acknowledgment of the depth of your connection. Lando’s gaze searches yours, his eyes filled with a mixture of concern and affection, silently asking if you’re okay.

You manage a faint smile, though it feels fragile on your lips. “I just had to see you before you left,” you confess softly, your voice barely above a whisper.

His expression softens, a warmth in his eyes that speaks volumes. “I’m glad you came,” he replies, his voice gentle and reassuring.

You linger for a moment longer, drinking in the sight of him, committing every detail to memory. Then, with a heavy heart, you reluctantly release him, knowing that time is running short.

As Lando returns to help Max with the bags, you watch him go, a sense of longing tugging at your heart.

Once everything was packed up, Lando and Max walked towards you, their footsteps echoing on the gravel driveway. Max reaches you first, his face lit with a warm smile. Without hesitation, he pulls you into a brief, friendly hug.

“Thanks for the good company,” Max says, his voice full of genuine gratitude. “And for keeping Lando’s mood up throughout this trip. You’ve been a real lifesaver.” He chuckles, the sound infectious, and you can’t help but laugh along with him.

“Anytime,” you reply, your smile widening. “It’s been fun having you both around.”

Max steps back, giving Lando space to step forward. Lando’s eyes meet yours, and there’s a depth of emotion there that makes your heart skip a beat. He takes your hands in his, holding them gently as if afraid you might disappear.

“This isn’t goodbye,” Lando says softly, his tone filled with a mixture of hope and determination. “Just a ‘see you later,’ alright?”

You nod, the lump in your throat making it hard to speak. “See you later,” you manage to whisper, your voice trembling with emotion.

Lando pulls you into a tight embrace this time, his arms wrapping around you protectively. You breathe in his familiar scent, the comfort of his presence grounding you in the moment.

He pulls back slightly, his hands resting on your shoulders as he searches your face. “Don’t think I forgot about giving you a pass,” he says with a small, teasing smile. “I’ll be waiting for you at the race.”

You smile through the tears that threaten to spill over. “We’ll see.”

Max claps Lando on the back, breaking the emotional moment. “Come on, mate, we’ve got a plane to catch.”

With one last look, Lando releases you and heads towards the car. You watch them drive away, a mix of sadness and hope swirling within you. The ache in your chest grows, but you try to push it aside, focusing on ways to fulfill the promise of seeing him again.

As you start walking back home, the exertion from earlier catches up to you. Your breath becomes labored, each step feeling heavier than the last. A sharp pain radiates through your chest, and you find yourself struggling to stay upright. Determined to make it back to the cottage, you push on, but every movement is a reminder of your body’s limitations.

By the time you reach the door, you’re barely holding on. You collapse onto the porch steps, gasping for breath, the world around you blurring as you fight to stay conscious. Moments later, the door swings open, and Isaac is there, his face pale with worry.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asks, rushing to your side. His voice sounds distant, echoing in your ears.

You try to speak, but the words get caught in your throat. Instead, you manage a weak nod, though it’s clear you’re far from okay.

Isaac doesn’t waste another second. He scoops you up in his arms, carrying you inside. “Mom! Dad!” he calls out, his voice frantic. “Something’s wrong. We need to get her to the hospital.”

Your parents appear almost instantly, their faces a mixture of fear and determination. Your dad grabs the car keys while your mom hurries to gather your things, her hands shaking.

In the car, you drift in and out of consciousness, the pain and exhaustion overwhelming you. Your mom holds your hand tightly, whispering soothing words that barely register. Isaac drives with a grim focus, the worry in his eyes reflected in the rearview mirror.

At the hospital, the staff quickly takes over, whisking you away on a stretcher. Your family is left in the waiting room, their anxious faces a blur as you’re rushed through the halls.

As the doctors and nurses work to stabilize you, you catch fleeting thoughts of Lando, Max, and the brief, bright moments you shared. The reality of your condition settles in, and you realize just how fragile your hope had been.

The doctors stabilize you for now, but you wake to the sound of your mother's soft cries in the room. Her face is buried in your father's shoulder, her shoulders shaking with quiet sobs. Your father is holding her close, his eyes red and puffy, a grim expression etched on his face. Isaac stands nearby, his jaw clenched, trying to hold himself together.

You blink, the fluorescent lights above casting a harsh glow on the stark white walls. A doctor stands at the foot of your bed, looking somber. You catch bits and pieces of his words, the clinical detachment in his voice contrasting sharply with the raw emotion in the room.

"...best if she doesn’t return home... too weak... last days in the hospital..."

The full weight of the words crashes over you, and a sense of helplessness fills your heart. You try to speak, but your throat is dry, and the words come out as a rasp. "Mom? Dad?"

Your mother's head snaps up at the sound of your voice, and she rushes to your side, taking your hand in hers. "Oh, sweetheart," she whispers, tears streaming down her face. "We're here. We're right here."

Your father moves closer, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. "We won't leave your side," he promises, his voice steady despite the tears in his eyes.

Isaac approaches the bed, his usual bravado stripped away. "Hey," he says softly, trying to muster a smile. "We’re all here for you."

You swallow hard, trying to process the reality of the situation. "How long?" you manage to ask, your voice barely a whisper.

The doctor steps forward, his expression compassionate. "It’s hard to say for certain," he admits gently. "But we’ll do everything we can to keep you comfortable."

You nod, a mixture of fear and resignation settling over you. Your mother's sobs have quieted, but the sorrow in her eyes is unmistakable. "I’m so sorry," you whisper, feeling a pang of guilt for putting them through this.

"No, don’t apologize," your father says firmly, squeezing your shoulder. "This isn’t your fault. We’re just grateful to be here with you."

Your family’s presence brings a small measure of comfort, but the reality of your condition is a heavy burden. You look around at their faces, trying to memorize every detail, every expression. The room feels both claustrophobic and infinite, the moments stretching out like a fragile thread.

As the night wears on, you find solace in their presence. Your mother hums softly, stroking your hair, while your father reads to you from a book you loved as a child. Isaac sits by the window, watching the night sky, his expression pensive.

You know that the days ahead will be difficult, but for now, you take comfort in the love that surrounds you. The hospital room, with its sterile walls and beeping machines, becomes a sanctuary of sorts, a place where you can hold on to the precious moments with your family, no matter how fleeting they may be.

—

The sterile scent of the hospital room is overwhelming, the beeping of the machines a constant reminder of the deteriorating state of your health. The wires and tubes attached to your body are a constant presence, their weight both physical and symbolic. The medication dulls the pain, but it also leaves you in a fog, half-aware of the world around you.

Isaac sits by your bedside, his expression a mix of forced cheerfulness and hidden sorrow. He tries to make you laugh, telling stories and cracking jokes, but there’s an underlying tension in his voice.

You take a shaky breath and glance at Isaac. “So, this is it, huh?” you say with a dry laugh, trying to sound casual but failing to hide the sadness in your voice.

He looks at you, the forced cheerfulness slipping from his face. “Still laughing?” he asks, his voice quivering.

“If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry,” you admit, your voice barely above a whisper. “And I don’t want that to be the last expression you remember me by.”

Isaac’s eyes glisten with unshed tears. “Remember when you said that you weren’t able to be a proper older sister to me ever since you got diagnosed?” he asks softly. “That’s wrong. You still were because you powered through every moment of pain on your own. Even now, you’re as selfless as ever.”

Tears prick at the corners of your eyes, and you swallow hard. “I got a taste of how it feels to be selfish recently,” you confess, your voice trembling. “To see what you want right there in front of you, waiting for you to take it, but I almost got too attached to it that fate had to rip it away from me again.”

“Are you talking about Lando?” Isaac asks gently, his eyes searching yours.

You nod, the memories of your brief time with Lando flooding back, a bittersweet ache in your chest. “Life is so cruel, so fickle,” you say, your voice barely audible. “When I finally accepted my fate, it flipped and gave me a chance to be happy, to fall in love, to live like I’ve never done before. When I experienced it all, it just made me greedy. I wanted to keep living like that. But I won’t be able to because in a moment, it’s taken away again.”

Isaac squeezes your hand, his grip warm and reassuring. “You deserved every moment of happiness,” he says, his voice thick with emotion. “And you brought happiness to those around you, too. Remember that.”

The days pass in a blur of medical checks, whispered conversations, and the quiet hum of machines. Your parents come and go, their faces lined with worry but always offering words of comfort and love.

Then comes Sunday, one that’s special for you because it’s also race day.

The hospital room is dim, illuminated only by the soft glow of the television screen mounted on the wall. The muted hum of machines and the occasional beep provide a constant backdrop to your labored breathing. Your family surrounds you, their presence a source of comfort even as your strength wanes. The room is filled with an unspoken tension, a fragile hope that somehow, you might find the strength to hold on a little longer.

Earlier in the day, you had pleaded with the nurses to let you watch the race. “Please,” you whispered, your voice weak but determined. “I just want to see him race one last time.”

The nurses had exchanged glances, their expressions softening. “Alright,” one of them had said gently. “We’ll make sure you can watch it.”

Now, the vibrant colors of the Formula 1 race contrast sharply with the sterile white of the hospital room. Lando’s car, resplendent in its sleek orange design, zips around the track with an elegance and speed that seems almost otherworldly. The commentator’s voice crackles with excitement as they describe the race in vivid detail.

“And Lando Norris takes the lead! He’s showing incredible skill out there today, really pushing the limits of his car and his own abilities. The crowd is going wild!”

You try to focus on the race, on the laps ticking by, the thrill of each turn, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult. Your vision blurs, the lines between the real and the surreal beginning to merge. Every breath is a struggle, each one more labored than the last.

Your mother sits by your side, her hand gently stroking your hair, her eyes red-rimmed but determined to stay strong. Your father stands at the foot of the bed, his face etched with lines of worry and sorrow. Isaac holds your hand, his grip firm and reassuring, his eyes never leaving your face.

You gather your remaining strength, turning your head slightly to look at Isaac. “Can you give him a message for me?” you ask, your voice barely more than a whisper, each word a struggle.

Isaac leans closer, his face etched with concern and determination. “What do you want to say?” he asks gently, his eyes locked onto yours, ready to carry your words to Lando.

You pause, the weight of the moment settling over you. With great effort, you manage to form the words that have been in your heart. “Tell him… tell him that he made me believe in living life again. That he gave me something beautiful in my last days. And… and that I’ll always be cheering for him, even if I’m not there.”

Isaac’s eyes glisten with unshed tears, and he nods, his voice steady despite the emotion in his eyes. “I will. I promise.”

On the television, Lando navigates the sharp turns of the track with precision and grace. The roar of the engines and the thrill of the race create a stark contrast to the quiet, somber atmosphere of your room. The commentator’s voice booms with excitement.

“Norris is extending his lead! This could be his race if he keeps up this pace. The team must be thrilled with his performance!”

On the Formula 1 track, the atmosphere is electric. Lando sits in his car, adrenaline coursing through his veins. He can feel every vibration of the engine, every nuance of the track. The pit crew buzzes with activity, their movements synchronized and efficient. Over the radio, his engineer’s voice provides updates and encouragement.

“You’re doing great, Lando. Keep this up and the win is yours.”

Lando nods inside his helmet, his focus razor-sharp. The crowd’s cheers blend into a singular wave of energy that propels him forward. He pushes the car to its limits, every fiber of his being dedicated to the race.

Back in the hospital, your breathing becomes more labored, and your family’s concern deepens. Your mother’s voice breaks as she hums softly, a lullaby from your childhood. Isaac squeezes your hand, his own tears finally breaking free.

“I love you,” you whisper, the words a final, heartfelt goodbye.

“We love you too,” Isaac responds, his voice choked with emotion. “More than anything.”

On the track, Lando crosses the finish line, the checkered flag waving triumphantly. The crowd erupts into a frenzy of cheers and applause. The commentator’s voice is almost drowned out by the noise.

“Lando Norris wins the race! What an incredible performance!”

In the paddock, Lando is overwhelmed with joy, the culmination of his efforts and dedication. He pulls off his helmet, his face breaking into a wide smile as he celebrates with his team. He can’t wait to share the victory, to tell you about the race, to see the look of pride in your eyes.

You watch from the hospital room, as Lando stands on the podium, lifting the trophy high, a sense of accomplishment filling him. A smile graces your lips, noticing the pure joy on his face. Then, you close your eyes, the vision of Lando’s smile still fresh in your mind.

Time stands still. As the world fades around you, your family holds you close, their whispered goodbyes blending into a chorus of love and sorrow. The light in your eyes dims, and with one last, labored breath, you slip away into a place beyond suffering.

As soon as the machine flatlines, the piercing sound of the monitor cuts through the room, signaling the end. Your mother's cries shatter the silence, raw and heart-wrenching. She grips your hand with desperate strength, her knuckles turning white, as if her hold on you could somehow bring you back.

"No, no, please!" she sobs, her voice cracking with each word. Tears stream down her face, her body trembling with the force of her grief. She shakes you gently at first, then more insistently, refusing to accept the finality of it. "Wake up, please wake up!"

Your father stands by her side, his own face etched with anguish. He places a hand on her shoulder, trying to offer support, but his own tears betray his stoic exterior. Isaac, standing a little apart, is frozen in shock, his eyes wide and uncomprehending as he watches the scene unfold.

The room is filled with the oppressive weight of sorrow, the air heavy with the collective grief of your family. The nurses, having done all they could, step back to give your family space, their own expressions somber and respectful.

Your mother’s cries grow louder, a desperate plea to a reality that feels too cruel to be true. She holds your hand to her cheek, her tears wetting your skin as she rocks back and forth. "Please, don’t leave us," she whispers, her voice breaking. "We need you."

The doctor steps forward, his face grave, and gently places a hand on your mother’s arm. "I’m so sorry for your loss," he says quietly, his words sincere but powerless against the tidal wave of their grief.

The only reality that matters is the unbearable pain of losing you, and the impossible task of trying to say goodbye.

On the top step of the podium, Lando basks in the glow of victory, the thrill of the race still pulsing through him. But amidst the celebration, a nagging feeling tugs at him, a sense that something is missing. A bittersweet undercurrent flows through his triumph.

Unbeknownst to him, a message of love and gratitude is on its way, bridging the distance between the track and the hospital room, connecting two hearts in a moment that transcends time and space.

Suddenly, your phone rings, the shrill sound cutting through the flatline beeping on the monitor. Each ring echoes through the room like a mournful dirge. Isaac’s hand hovers over the device, his heart pounding in his chest as he hesitates to answer. But when the call comes again, he knows there’s no escaping the inevitable.

With trembling fingers, he accepts the call, the voice on the other end sending a shiver down his spine. “Were you watching the race? I told you that you are my lucky charm.”

Isaac’s breath catches in his throat, his eyes welling with tears at the bitter irony of Lando’s words. He struggles to find the strength to respond, his voice choked with emotion. “Lando… it’s Isaac.”

There’s a moment of stunned silence on the other end of the line, followed by a tremor of uncertainty in Lando’s voice. “Isaac? What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

Isaac’s heart clenches at the desperation in Lando’s voice, his own grief threatening to consume him. “She’s gone, Lando,” he manages to choke out, his voice breaking with sorrow. “My sister… she’s gone.”

The words hang heavy in the air, a painful reminder of the cruel twist of fate that has robbed them of their happiness. Lando’s breath hitches, his voice barely a whisper as he responds. “No… no, that can’t be true. Tell me you’re lying, tell me this is some sick joke please”

Isaac’s heart aches as he hears the disbelief and anguish in Lando’s voice. He wishes he could erase the truth, to shield Lando from the devastating reality they now face. But there’s no escaping it, no denying the painful truth that hangs between them like a heavy shroud.

“I wish I could, Lando,” Isaac murmurs, his own voice choked with sorrow. “I wish this was just a sick joke, but… but she’s really gone.”

There’s a long, agonizing pause, broken only by the sound of Lando’s ragged breathing on the other end of the line. Isaac can imagine the turmoil raging within him, the crushing weight of grief threatening to overwhelm him entirely. He relays the message that you had for him, only hearing Lando breathing heavily in response.

As Lando stands there, clutching the phone that brought him devastating news, the world around him seems to blur into a haze of incomprehensible grief. The congratulations from his fellow drivers fall on deaf ears, their voices distant and muffled as if coming from a far-off place. Daniel, Carlos, George—all of them offer their heartfelt congratulations, their smiles genuine, but Lando can't bring himself to respond.

He feels disconnected, as if he's merely a spectator watching his own life unfold from a distance. The cameras flash around him, capturing the jubilant celebrations of victory, but Lando feels nothing but a hollow emptiness gnawing at his soul.

Unable to bear the facade any longer, Lando excuses himself from the crowd, retreating to the sanctuary of his driver's room. Once alone, the weight of his grief crashes over him like a tidal wave, threatening to drown him in its depths.

With a gut-wrenching scream, Lando releases the pent-up anguish that has been building inside him since the moment he received that fateful call. He falls to his knees, his body racked with sobs as he grapples with the cruel twist of fate that has torn his world apart.

In that moment of agonizing despair, Lando feels utterly alone, lost in a sea of grief with no shore in sight. The victory he had worked so hard for feels meaningless now, a hollow triumph overshadowed by the devastating loss of someone he held dear.

As the echoes of his cries fade into the silence of the empty room, Lando finds himself consumed by a profound sense of despair. In the midst of his greatest triumph, he is confronted with the harsh reality of mortality, and it is a bitter pill to swallow.

Alone in his hotel room, Lando’s victory feels hollow amidst the empty silence that surrounds him. Instead of celebrating with the fanfare of music, alcohol, and camaraderie that would be expected after such a result, he finds himself throwing his belongings haphazardly into his suitcase, his movements mechanical and devoid of purpose.

The room feels suffocating, the weight of grief pressing down on him like a physical force. With a sense of urgency, Lando hastily gathers his things, his hands trembling as he zips up his suitcase.

As he exits the hotel, he fires off a text to his manager, explaining the situation briefly, typing through his clouded vision full of more unshed tears.

Lando chooses not to drive, the mere thought of operating a vehicle feeling like an insurmountable task. Instead, he hails a taxi, his mind consumed by thoughts of you and the gaping void left in your absence.

The taxi driver casts him a curious glance as he climbs into the backseat, his tear-streaked face a stark contrast to the typical fare. But Lando pays no mind to the stares, his thoughts consumed by the overwhelming grief that threatens to consume him.

Throughout the journey to the airport, Lando’s tears continue to flow unabated, his heart weighed down by the magnitude of his loss. He feels adrift, lost in a sea of pain and sorrow, unsure of how to navigate the tumultuous waters of his emotions.

Lando finds himself grappling with conflicting emotions as he boards the plane back to the town filled with memories of you. Despite the overwhelming pain of revisiting every corner suffused with reminders of your presence, he knows deep down that he cannot stay away.

The thought of pretending that everything is fine when it's not feels like a betrayal of the love you shared, a denial of the profound impact you had on his life. And so, with a heavy heart and a mind clouded by grief, Lando embarks on the journey back to the place where his heart still lingers, knowing that he must confront the pain head-on in order to find a semblance of peace.

Lando’s return to town is marked by exhaustion and dishevelment, the toll of a sleepless night evident in the shadows beneath his eyes and the weariness etched into his features. He barely manages to greet Isaac before retreating to the solitude of the lighthouse, seeking solace in the familiar embrace of its quiet sanctuary.

As Lando stands at the top of the lighthouse, his gaze fixed on the horizon, he can't shake the feeling of déjà vu that washes over him. The flickering beam of the lighthouse casts eerie shadows against the walls, the only sound the mournful cry of seagulls in the distance. It's as if he's been transported back in time, to a moment frozen in history, when tragedy and loss hung heavy in the air.

Tears stream down his cheeks, his sobs echoing in the empty space around him as he allows himself to surrender to the overwhelming tide of emotion.

In the stillness of the lighthouse, Lando is consumed by a sense of profound loss, his heart aching with the absence of the one he longs for. He sits there for hours, his thoughts consumed by memories of you, his soul yearning for the warmth of your presence.

In the dim light, Lando recalls the story you once shared with him, of the tragic love that had unfolded within these very walls decades ago. A woman, waiting faithfully for her lover's return, had spent countless nights standing vigil at the top of the lighthouse, her heart filled with hope and longing. But as the years passed and her lover failed to return, her hope turned to despair, her love transformed into bitter regret.

Now, as Lando stands in the same spot, he can't help but draw parallels between that long-ago tragedy and his own situation. Like the woman of the story, he finds himself clinging to a glimmer of hope, praying for a miracle that may never come. In his heart, he still holds onto the belief that you'll come back to him, that the news of your loss is just a bad dream from which he'll soon awaken.

With each passing moment, however, the harsh reality of your absence becomes more pronounced, the weight of grief bearing down on him like a leaden cloak. Yet, despite the pain that threatens to consume him, Lando refuses to give up hope. He remains steadfast in his vigil, his eyes scanning the horizon for any sign of your return, his heart yearning for the moment when he'll finally see you again.

His gaze sweeps over every corner of the lighthouse, wanting to etch every detail into his memory. The soft glow of the fading sunlight filters through the windows, casting a warm golden hue over the space. He takes a deep breath, trying to imprint the scent of saltwater and sea breeze into his mind.

As he moves around, his eyes fall upon a small alcove tucked away in a corner, hidden from plain sight. Something tugs at his instincts, urging him to investigate further. With cautious curiosity, he steps closer, his heart pounding in anticipation.

Reaching into the alcove, his fingers brush against something smooth and delicate. He pulls out a folded piece of paper, his breath catching in his throat as he realizes what it is. With trembling hands, he unfolds the note, his eyes scanning the words written in your handwriting.

Lando, I hope this note finds its way to you. It's strange how emotions can turn even the fearless into cowards. I couldn't bring myself to give you this letter in person, so I'm leaving it here, hoping it reaches you. I'm guessing you already know the truth, and that I'm no longer here by your side.

As he reads those words, he can hear your voice in his mind. The acknowledgment that you couldn't face him in person fills him with a mix of sadness and understanding. He feels a pang of guilt, wondering if there was something he could have done differently to make you feel more comfortable sharing your feelings with him.

I don’t think a mere ‘I’m sorry’ is enough for keeping the truth from you. The reason why I did is because every moment with you felt like a dream, and in my dreams, my illness never existed. I’ve always cursed fate for the shitty hand it dealt me but I never would’ve gotten a chance to live something close to the perfect life if it wasn’t for fate.

A melancholic smile tugs at his lips as he reflects on the sentiment expressed in your words. Each moment spent with you had indeed felt like a dream, a precious respite from the relentless demands of the racing world.

Before you came to town, I felt like a living corpse, waiting for my illness to take me under, but when I met you, it gave me a purpose to look forward to the next day. Being your tour guide, although I think it was because you just wanted to spend time with me, was probably the most I’ve lived ever since I was diagnosed. While I used your presence as an excuse to live like I used to, I didn’t ever imagine falling in love with anyone, much less a British racing driver.

A wave of emotions wash over him as he reads your heartfelt confession, his own heart aching with a mixture of sadness and longing. Tears blur his vision as he continues reading, slightly tracing over your words with his finger.

I wish I had the courage to say this to you face to face, to witness your reaction and perhaps hear you say the words back. But one thing I admire about you is your ability to live in the moment. So, in this moment, I want to tell you that I love you, Lando Norris, even though I'm no longer by your side. I hope our memories bring a smile to your face, just as they did to mine.

Please, don’t blame yourself for any of this. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. You're the reason I found joy again, laughter again. Lando, you brought me back to life. Thank you. I'll love you always.

- Your favourite tour guide

As he reaches the final words of the note, he clutches it to his chest, feeling your presence close to him. In that moment, amidst the quiet solitude of the lighthouse, Lando finds a fleeting sense of peace amidst the storm of his emotions. He knows that no matter what the future holds, your love will always remain a guiding light in his heart.

With tears streaming down his cheeks, he whispers a silent promise to you, his beloved tour guide, into the salty breeze surrounding your favourite place. “I’ll never forget you. I’ll carry your love with me, always.”

Then he adds with a sob wracking through his body, “I love you too.”

As he sits in the lighthouse, Lando no longer waits for your return. Yet, he feels your love enveloping him, every word of the note etched into his heart. Though you may be gone, your presence lingers, filling the space around him with warmth and tenderness. In that moment, he finds solace in the memories of your love, knowing that you'll always be with him, no matter where life takes him.

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iiseor · 3 months

Text

⋆𐙚 ₊ summer strikes . . . (1)

synopsis: forced by joel to spend the summer in a small town consequent her agreement to get sober—ellie's acceptance towards the situation grows significantly the moment you cross paths.

cw: alcohol/drugs, mentalhealth issues, ellie is not Joel's daughter in this AU, she just stays with him for context! word count : 1.9k. Tags: @boobdrug @seraphicsentences @amberputh sorry this is short . . i didn't wanna wait any longer to upload it. Next part will be longer . . . master list

" i don't understand why this was your first option?" ellie huffed as she planted her bags in the back of Joel's truck. "It's what's best for you" he replied, slamming the door as he got inside — ellie following. "Yea whatever" she scoffed.

For ellie days had been longer, the nights nearly decades, trailing behind her filled with nothing but misery. She had been locked inside for weeks, terrified of breaking her promise to joel.

the promise that she'd get sober. Straighten up and stop self sabotaging. Fix everything, stop acting out, become an adult and do good. She knew the consequences, she knew how he'd look at her if things got even worse. So she did her best, locked herself away from anything and everything that could possibly make her relapse.

But to joel, that was even worse.

His soloution? Taking her to an entirely different places to stay with his cousins family.

In a small, quiet town where she couldn't.

possibly be tempted to do bad.

Right?

The road trip was hours, tho felt like minutes for ellie who was asleep for nearly the entire ride, only waking up right before joel had pulled in the driveway. Which happened to be more than enough time for her to take in the beautiful scenery — and beaming sun.

"Miller!! Long time no see" the brown haired man yelled from the drive way as Joel pulled in.

ellie was stunned by the view ahead of her, a beautiful—yet typical country house surrounded by acres of trees, bushes and green grass, accompanied by a small barn, the lake only meters away.

both stepping out of the car, Joel greeted your father in an instant. The two brothers sharing a hug while Ellie breathed in the crisp air. For her, it felt like this was the first time she breathed freshly in years—soaked in sunlight opposed to narcotics, scents of salted ocean water and oak filling her senses.

"Someone's gotten taller" tommy motioned to ellie, her head still facing the clouds before she slowly came back to reality.

"Ready to check out the place kid?" He added, patting her on the back as Joel lifted the final bags out of the truck and put them on the pavement for Tommy to grab. "Sounds good.." Ellie sighed out in response, picking up whatever bags she could to carry inside. "Now holdon" Joel called out

"make sure you behave, and no going against old man's rules. He'll keep u in check while I'm gone, but just a reminder" he said pulling her into a hug. "Yeah yeah I got it" Ellie said pushing him away and following inside.

"See you later" they both called and waved as Joel hopped back in the truck.

and that was it for ellie.

the end of something, the start of another.

from the start, and all over again.

she had one last chance to get better.

Tommy sighed as he sat the last of Ellie's bags down on the living room floor, brushing his hands off and placing them on his hips—Ellie standing awkwardly like a confused puppy. "Welp, there's not much to the living room or kitchen... pretty generic... um, take a quick look around if you'd like and ill get these bags to your room" ellie was about to open hee mouth, protest that she could carry them up herself—but before she could, Tommy was already yelling up the stairs.

"Y/n can you come help me?" He called out. Y/n... Joel didn't mention there would be more company..

your foot steps marched quickly down the stairs, skipping a step on the way down.

Paint stained overalls flashed the girls eyes as you stood before her, paint brushes still in hand as you hoped off the final step.

"Oh hi Ellie" you spoke, so sweet and soft—flashing a smile.

she knows my name, how does she know my name ? ellies mind spun between the vision of you and the words you spoke.. already driving her crazy.

"H... hey" she choked out, almost jumping back as you stepped closer to her, holding your hand out for her to her grab onto.

you stared at her with a smile for a minute while she looked back at you like a deer caught in the headlights. For a moment, she was completely frozen—only for seconds before you picked up her hand and shook it for urself, smiling through the process and breaking her still shape, your touch sending sparks through her body.. "Nice to meet you" "I'll help you take these upstrairs!" You said, letting go of her hand picking up two of the bags and walking past her to go back upstairs, ellie still half in her day dream doing the same.

"Here it is!" You told, placing her bags inside and stepping out of the way so she could do the same. In front of her was four empty walls and bed framed mattress, "I took everything down, I figured you'd wanna decorate it your own way" you said with that soft smile again. "Yeah... thank you" she said forcing a smile back.

It's not like she wasn't thankful , of course she was. How couldn't she be when you were so fucking sweet to her already? she was so love struck she didn't know how to smile genuinely, or think of anything besides how good you looked—despite being caught of gaurd by her quick arrival. "Ill let you settle in" you spoke, breaking the awkward silence, "the closet is over there for your clothes and if you need any extra storage bins my dad can bring them up" you added. "if you need any help let me know!" knodding at her, you walked away.

Ellie's body ached as she looked around the vacent room, feelings sunk into her body and whithered throughout her veins 'I promised Joel' was all she could think of 'this is my last chance' she whispered to herself. Staying here with you and tommy wasnt the thing killing her inside, not in the slightest. it was the ringing notion in the back of her head that continuously told her to start again, to drink again, ruin everything and go back to her old ways, that made her want to tear everything apart.

for now, all she knew is that she had to build willpower. She couldn't let herself get worse. Not in front of tommy, not in front of you... not under the promises she made with Joel.

knock knock

"You good In here girl?" Tommy's voice broke hee out of a second trance and made her jump, turning to see the man just above her eyes. "Didn't mean to scare ya" he chuckled moving into the room, "its alright..." she breathed out. The room fell silent for a few moments, Tommy picking up a few of ellies things now scattered throughout the floor and putting them away for her. "This used to be Joel's room you know... before he was a grown ass man" he laughed, Ellie pushing a smile. "But I'm glad you have him and he has you, I can tell he wants what's best for you and I'm sure you'll find it while here" looking around the room he added, "Come down for dinner when your done, yeah?"

"Yeah" she agreed, tommy walking away while ellie turned her gaze towards the crystalline window, sun beaming onto her warm freckles.

One last chance she repeated.

Ellie only took an hour to finish her room, about the same amount of time it took tommy and you to finish cooking. She didn't bring much to decorate. some old band posters joel had gifted, her comic books, her journal and her guitar. The important things in her mind. She paced back and fourth throughout her room for almost ten minutes out of the hour she set up, staring at herself in her bathrooms body length mirror for another ten before building up the courage to face dinner.

"Done already?" Tommy questioned as Ellie made her way towards the kitchen, her eyes scanning and spotting you setting up the table. "Uh yeah" she replied standing awkwardly, Tommy's eyes faced her with confusion. "You can sit down you know, make urself at home"

"Right..." she replied again, sitting down at the table you had finished placing silverware on. "You like fish right? Joel didn't tell me any dietary preferences or anything so I tried to keep it simple for tonight" tommy smiled setting a plate of freshly cooked salmon, vegetables and rice down in front of ellie—and you who had joined her at the table.

To be honest, Ellie hadn't had a real cooked meal in months. Between the alcohol, and just overly terrible diet, salmon and rice sounded like a luxury to her. Let alone vegetables.

"This is good .... thank you" she told, not hesitating to taste everything in front of her.

Tommy sat down in between you two, the three way table being jsut enough space, you all silently eating till a thought popped into your head. "Oh! Ellie, have you seen the lake yet??" You questioned, Ellie giving you that dear caught glance again—Quickly clearing her throat before stuttering out. "Oh um .. kind of... I caught a glimpse of it" she replied, trying to contain the sudden shivers that went down hee body as you spoke to her. "Oh ! Well that's not good enough... its truly beautiful out there, especially when the weather is nice ! we should go fishing tomorrow, then you can see it for yourself" you rambled on, Tommy subtly knodding his head in agreement before swallowing his food and given a spoken one, "I agree, it'll be good for you girls to get to know eachother now" he spoke.

ellie—not against the idea ... more so embarrassed over her next words. "I um.... i don't know how to fish" she said lowering her head to her plate. "Joel never taught you?" You questioned. "No" was all she responded, slightly meeting your gaze, noticing tommy's semi shocked expression in the corner of her eye. You hummed for a minute, taking another bite of your food and a sip of your drink.

"It's okay then, you have me now! I'm probably better than him anyways" you laughed in response, Tommy laughing along as he stood up, gathering all of your now empty plates and dragging them to the sink.

Ellie stood up to follow him, but before she could touch a dish tommy stopped her "Don't worry about it kid, I got it, you go settle in" he patted her on the back setting her off—you already making your way up the stairs, though not fast enough to miss ellie before she got to her room. "Goodnight ellie !" You waved as you walked towards your door, ellie caught off gaurd by you once again and nearly stumbling into her room. "Night" she called back awkwardly, just awkwardly enough to make you frown in confusion by her lack of energy returned. Unknown to you, she was already slapping her hand on her face for how stupid her response sounded as she closed her door and sat on her bed.

As she layed away, thoughts poring into the moon lit night as crickets cherped outside her window, her wondering mind kept replaying the sound of your words in her head. "You have me now".

That sentence ... your words ...

she has you now .. even if you didn't mean it the way she thought, even if it was an empty statement. Somebody thought she had them ... she has people.

she has another chance to make it all right.

429 notes · View notes

celtic-crossbow · 2 months

Text

Blood Ties Chapter 23

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Typical TWD violence and gore; a tad bit of angst; smidge of illness; all the pregnancy woes in the world; some suggestive dialogue A/N: There's some serious fluff in this. I tried so hard to keep Daryl in character while having him offer all he could to a person doing something precious for him. I hope I succeeded. The explanation of midnight blue is a little bit of self indulgence. It's my own favorite color and the reason why. I know I skipped the nursing home scene but I took the liberty of adding into the timeline somewhere as a mention.

The events of the day before had ended in the most amusing way, with you nearly inviting Carol in before getting dressed.

“She knows what tits and a vagina look like, Daryl.”

“She don’t know what my dick looks like, Y/N!”

“Touche, sir.”

All ended well and Carol saw no genitalia that fine day.

You had officially worn one another out. After the Tylenol and Carol’s snickers and knowing smiles, you and Daryl fell onto the pillows and slept until the next morning. The fever remained, albeit burning less and less hot each time the old man would look him over. His lungs were sounding better. Hershel removed the IV when the archer proved he could keep up with hydrating and promised to take it easy. Of course, he would. He had you as his warden.

The next evening, after a bowl of hearty stew with the venison you had brought back,—two bowls for Daryl—you laid in bed. He wasn’t complaining, for once, and actually seemed to be close to falling asleep. It had been a relief to watch him eat well, even if he did try to share the second bowl. You were feeling a little nauseated, sharing that knowledge honestly when you turned down his offering. Your condition had definitely improved, the severity of the occurrences much less concerning. Things were actually okay.

“Daryl?” You licked your suddenly dry lips but continued drawing patterns on his bare chest from your spot against his side with his arm wrapped around you. He hummed, his usual reply, eyes remaining closed while his thumb swept back and forth over your ribs. When you didn’t answer right away, he pulled you a little closer. It was unclear if it was intentional or not.

“What?” He cleared his throat, his voice still gravelly.

“Can we—I’d like to know more about you.” Your timid request must have snagged his attention because he was shifting your bodies to lie face to face, one hand below his cheek and the other rubbing small circles just over where the baby had finally stopped tap dancing. He was giving you that look, the squinted eyes that scrutinized someone for any indication of dishonesty or hidden agenda. He should know you better than that by now, but you remained quiet.

“Whaddaya wanna know?” He finally queried, his hand going still but remaining where it was.

“Anything. Everything.” You shrugged your available shoulder. “If we’re gonna do this—be an us—then we need to know one another, don’t you think?” He started tapping a finger against your abdomen.

“S’your favorite color?”

You huffed a laugh through your nose, scrunching it with a smile. “Midnight blue. What’s yours?” He pulled a face, curiosity shining through.

“Why midnight?” He asked with a sniff, shuffling around a bit on the pillow.

“Because even though I know it isn’t, I like to think that’s the color of the night sky. Not black, but dark blue and full stars. Black is nothing, it’s lonely, but to think of it as blue. It’s a little more comforting.” The archer gave you a thoughtful look, the corner of his mouth ticking upward so minutely that anyone else would have missed it. Not you. “Now, what’s yours?”

He mimicked your earlier shrug. “Dunno. Don’t really got one, I guess.” Your silence beckoned him to explain. After moving his hand from below his cheek to chew on the side of his thumb, he eventually elaborated. “Grew up learnin’ to ‘preciate all’a ‘em. House was—it was always dark, ‘specially after mama died. When my old man—I spent a lot’a time outside. Noticed things. Blue sky’d turn a bit purple before it’d snow, even if it was just a lil’. Grass—it’d be green but have those brown pieces where I’d walk all’a the time. Creek looked muddy unless ya stood in it. Then ya’d see the bottom an’ how the water’d catch the light. Sometimes it’d be blue, sometimes kinda green. Just depended on the day.” His gaze had dropped away from you at some point, focused on the miniscule area of bed sheets between your bodies.

You were glad for it because your eyes had started to fill and shine. You were granted the opportunity to blink back the tears before he looked up. Daryl was so much more than anyone had given him credit for, than anyone had been willing to learn. Carol had told you a story about an exchange with Andrea, when she had taken a jab at what she thought was his limited vocabulary.

“Get a dictionary. Look it up. Observant.”

“D’ya like dogs or cats?” He asked so suddenly that you nearly flinched, realizing that you had just been staring at some point past his head for an undetermined amount of time. There was no way he hadn’t noticed.

“I like both, but I’m a dog person.” You frowned. Having a dog would probably be something your child would never get to experience. “You?”

“Dogs. Cats ain’t trustworthy.” It was such an amusing thing to say with such a straight face. You couldn’t help but laugh.

“Wait, I need to hear this.” You caught him staring at your lips, maybe watching you laugh or maybe he wanted to kiss you. Both? You pretended not to notice.

“Dogs’re smart but cats’re calculated. Make ya think they’re all innocent when they ain’t. Always up to somethin’.”

“What I’m hearing is that you’re afraid of cats.” You smirked, absently reaching to run your fingers through his hair. Daryl made a disgruntled sound and shook his head to stave off your attempts.

“Ain’t afraid’a ‘em. Just don’t trust ‘em.”

“Right.” You nodded, face falling into feigned seriousness before it became real, your next question burning inside your chest, just below the fear you’d need to surpass to ask. He was likely to shut down the session, maybe even close off completely. You could always hope he’d begun to trust you enough to open up, even if only a little, but the prospect suddenly seemed so far away. “Daryl.”

“Ask.” He was looking right into your eyes with a hint of determination you’d seen before when the circumstances were different, dire even. Was that how he saw this? A dire situation that could result in you being gone in some way?

“Who—what happened?” You let a single fingertip press gently against the deepest scar on his chest, your eyes lingering on it for but a moment before you contradicted his intensity with tenderness. Not pity, but a gentle curiosity. A request to allow you to understand.

“My dad—he was never a good man.” He swallowed hard. “Got worse after mama died. She drank. Fell asleep with a smoke, burned up in our house.” His fingers were plucking at the small space between you, a fine tremor in his hand. He pulled it out of your reach when you reached for it. “Didn’t know what to do with us, I guess. Me an’ Merle—my brother.” The brother that Rick had left behind in Atlanta, the brother who was likely dead. Yet another relative your baby would never know. “Merle tried to—he’d take the beatin’ when he could, did his best. Booked it outta there when he couldn't take it no more. Joined the army.” His eyes were wet, but he sniffed and cleared his throat. “Wasn't nothin’ standin’ between me an’ the old man then—between me an’ the belt. The cigarettes.” He fell silent, clearly finished with talking about his parents.

“Tell me about Merle?” You ventured, shot down with a shake of his head against the pillow.

“Ain’t your turn.” He sniffed again. “Your mama—tell me ‘bout your mama.” It wasn’t exactly a question, more of a soft demand; an it’s only fair. You didn’t mind. You’d accepted her abandonment long ago. You had been content with the amazing father with whom you were gifted.

“She booked it. We didn’t have a lot of money, and she never really wanted me in the first place. Tucked tail and ran the first chance she got.” You shrugged, unbothered beyond the twinge of guilt you felt for being so okay with the hand you had been dealt while Daryl struggled to even think about his past. “I didn’t even miss her. I mean, it sucked at first. I always felt bad, watching daddy struggle. So, I learned to help and that was that.”

He was so obviously jealous, yet another emotion that he didn't know how to process. You saw the anger flare before he doused it, returning to a solemn state of silence. He was awaiting your question, wherein you found a dilemma. Did you push through the conversation about his family? Or did you switch to something else, give him a break?

“Thank you for trusting me.” When you reached for him then, he didn’t pull away. His mask cracked and a few pieces fell away, but he held the rest steady. “That’s enough for now, okay? If you have more questions, I’ll answer them. Gladly. But you’ve shared enough, okay?” When he studied you, you didn’t let him proceed with his usual scrutiny. “It’s fine, Daryl. We can talk more when—if—you ever want to again. You don’t need to tell me anything else.”

He accepted the out with a long exhale and a nod, his gaze falling away. You embraced the silence and its discomfort, just touching him while he was in a place to allow it. You stroked his cheek, the stubble thicker than usual with his confinement to the bed. You smoothed his hair, scratched gently over his scalp. Finally, you scooted closer and pulled him toward you to meet in the middle. Tangling your legs around his, you guided his head to rest under your chin. He let you without complaint or denial, a testament to how he had silently endured when he needed comforting.

The two of you laid there, his breaths evening out to the point where you thought he had fallen asleep. Then, breaking the silence, he cleared his throat. “Why me?” You pulled back just enough to angle your head and look at him.

“Why you what?”

“Why ya settlin’ with me? We can raise a kid together without you givin’ up a chance with someone better.” He took a deep breath, keeping his head down. “I won’t hold ya to it if ya change your mind later—if someone shows—”

“There’s no one better.” You nearly snapped at him, your tone harsher than you’d ever meant for it to be. He flinched and you instantly hated yourself for it. You’d seen someone’s quick movements earn that reaction before, but words hardly affected Daryl physically, not like that. “Daryl.” You silently pleaded with him to look at you, but were left disappointed. “There’s no one better.” You repeated, so softly that it was almost a whisper, your breath disturbing his hair. “I want to raise this baby with you. I want to be with you. I love you. That’s not gonna change.”

He simply hummed, the sound reverberating against your throat. You wanted to throttle him, but none of his self-deprecation was his fault. You hated people you didn’t even know for it. “Don’t deserve all this.” Your brow furrowed deeply at his words. “Feel like m’gettin’ somethin’ meant for someone else. Like m’takin’—” The words died on the tip of his tongue. What could you even say to that? You could tell him he deserved the world—the fucking universe—but he’d never believe it. You’d just have to show him. It would take time and patience that would likely be tested over and over, but he was worth it.

“You’ll see.” You settled back against him, let silence fall between you again. After a while, he actually did fall asleep, the tension you had noticed in him finally melting away into a restful state he so desperately needed in order to continue getting well. A kiss was pressed into his hair. You never fell asleep yourself, simply lying there with him. Your heart ached yet it was full. With your fingers traveling up and down his back in gentle motions you hoped were comforting even within his dreams, you told him again. “You’ll see.”

Daryl was coughing strenuously by the time you reached the truck, his hand pressed hard against his chest. The cold air, the rush of grabbing up all the bags, the running from the herd—it was taking its toll on his still healing body.

“Keys.” You demanded. “I’m driving.” You could see it on his face that he was going to argue, but he doubled over in another fit of coughs and deep, wheezing gasps. Digging in his pocket through the ordeal, he tossed you the keyring. The bags you two were responsible for were tossed into the back next to the bike. It took the archer two attempts to pull himself onto the bench seat, which required the effort of both your bodies to move back in order to accommodate your 30 week bump. Just as your door closed, a discolored hand slapped against the window, startling you into a shout.

The van was already moving when you pressed the gas to peel out behind it, mowing down at least three walkers. Dark blood splattered onto the windshield, smearing but mostly washing away when you used the partially frozen fluid and wipers. Daryl’s forehead was against the dashboard as he fought to catch his breath in the chilled air. You were fumbling for the temperature controls when he smacked your hand away.

“Just—just drive. I got it.” He rasped, the warming air filling the cab a moment later. His back thudded against the seat, shaking it slightly, his head falling back against the headrest with his eyes closed. He was finally sucking in gulps of air into irritated, partially healed lungs. When you reached a point that was safe enough to pull off, you would make sure the group remembered his state of health and didn’t travel for too long before finding anything suitable and safe enough for a stay of at least a few days. “Quit your worryin’, woman. M’good.”

“Just don’t, Daryl.” You argued quietly, desperate to keep the peace between the pair of you that you’d managed to create. “Let me worry. If you don’t fight me on it, I’ll be less likely to do something stupid.” You glanced over, finding his head rolled toward you, his jaw set but he relented with a jerk of his head.

“Fine. Just have ‘em find whatever. S’long as it keeps your ass right here beside me.”

You smiled and silently celebrated your victory, even as he noticed and grumbled beside you. When you placed your hand, palm up, on the seat between you, only a heartbeat passed before you felt him squeezing your fingers.

Roughly eight weeks left, though Hershel said you could safely deliver if you made it at least four more weeks. You were actually becoming slightly miserable. The nausea would come and go, though you actually vomited less and less. Your ankles were missing completely under the puffy skin. Your belly felt so heavy that even just standing was becoming a chore. Lori was sympathetic, constantly giving you advice. Not only you but Daryl as well. You had seen her whispering to him, watched the way he would go completely still, not looking at her but listening intently. Rick could give him all the advice in the world but Lori’s input was crucial. She knew exactly what you needed.

The archer argued with you less and less, though you could see the restraint it took for him to bite his tongue, sometimes literally. He let you hunt with him because you were restless. Lori had said it was because of the urge to start nesting, which you had found amusing, but Daryl already knew about it because of the damn books he continued to snatch up on runs. Why it frustrated you that he was willing to go that extra mile was beyond your comprehension. Maybe because he knew more about what was going on with your body than you did? You should have been grateful, but all you wanted to do was kick him in the shins.

“Can ya just—nevermind.” He grunted from behind you while the two of you tracked some turkeys. You knew they’d be in the trees for the cold weather so you kept your eyes upward, irritating the hunter when you would nearly trip or run into something. Still, he kept his cool, which was admirable for your hot-headed partner. Daryl didn’t like the term boyfriend, you’d discovered during a brief conversation where you’d found your tongue looser than normal and spilling out questions you’d otherwise never ask. The two of you had settled on being partners, though you didn’t feel it was enough to describe your relationship. He had simply shrugged.

You couldn’t hunt with a gun. He’d all but forbade it. Too loud, would draw walkers. So he found you a bow. Not a crossbow but a traditional one. It didn’t take much practice. You only needed to become familiar with the tension of the string, how far to pull for the trajectory and speed needed. Aiming came naturally.

“Shut up, Daryl. I’m fine.” You snapped, instantly muttering an apology. It was but wasn’t his fault you felt so crappy. It took two to make the baby whose little foot or hand or whatever was always pressing into your ribs. You were just as responsible and tried to remember that even when it was you and not him that felt like absolute shit most of the time. As if the world was hellbent on fucking with you, the toe of your boot found its way beneath an exposed root and you nearly faceplanted. If not for Daryl’s constant observance, you surely would have.

He snagged your bicep, dropping his crossbow to reach across your chest and grip your other shoulder. All you needed was a dislocated shoulder when you were already so beyond miserable. He made sure you stayed on your feet, nearly stumbling himself, but saying nothing when you found his irritated but concerned gaze. The weight of it instantly brought on the sniffling you knew was about to lead to a breakdown.

Over the course of only three weeks, the archer had memorized the signs and adapted, learning how to soothe you even at the expense of his own comfort. He immediately pulled you into his arms as close as he could with your ever-growing belly between you, shushing you and rubbing your back.

“S’alright. I won’t letcha fall.”

Noble as his intentions were, that only seemed to stir up even more guilt. “I don’t know why I can’t just listen when you tell me I should stay behind! Why do you let me just do whatever I want even when you know it’s the wrong choice?!” You rubbed your wet face against his button up, leaving a dark spot and not for the first time.

“Cause you’re hard-headed an’ feelin’ like crap. Only make ya feel worse for me to argue with ya.”

And just like that, the switch flipped. “I’m not hard-headed, Daryl! I’m fucking capable and everyone wants to treat me like I’m gonna break!” You pushed him away roughly and stomped forward, sniffling harder than necessary. You heard a sigh from behind you, the sound of him picking up his crossbow and before following at a distance.

When you shot down the turkey, even beyond the pride you felt carrying it back, something told you that he saw it first but didn’t even raise his weapon.

Carol had heated some water for you so you could wipe down, feeling like your skin was crawling after being in the woods all day. It was a foreign feeling for the leaves and cool, fresh air to feel like it stuck to your flesh and needed to be scrubbed away. You were a mess. Your body hurt and you constantly needed to pee. You were irritable. You’d want Daryl to fuck you one minute and then shove him away the moment he touched the slick apex of your thighs. You were torturing the poor man who didn’t have a clue how to provide the type of comfort you needed when he couldn’t even process how to overcome his own lack of it growing up.

You didn’t hear him enter the room as you bowed over the small sink in the dusty bathroom, your skin still damp beneath your long sleeved shirt and flannel sleep pants. You had washed your hair to the best of your ability, the wet strands forming a curtain around your face that blocked your view of the door. You didn’t startle when you felt the heat of his body behind you. It was familiar at that point in a way you couldn’t explain.

“I’m so sorry, Daryl.” You whispered, the syllables of his name coming out as a soft whimper. His hands settled on your hips, fingers flexing nervously.

“S’okay.” He stepped closer and you fully expected to feel his erection press against your ass, but that wasn’t the case. There was only the firm safety of his body, your human security blanket. “Wanna—can I try somethin’?” His voice shook beside your ear but his hands remained steady, digits still squeezing and releasing. Not trusting your voice, you nodded, his exhale warm against your neck.

You weren’t entirely sure what you were expecting but it certainly wasn’t his warm palms sliding beneath your belly and lifting with more gentleness than you were aware a human being could possess. The absence of the weight pulling down was an instant relief, your muscles turning to jello. You leaned back against him and he kept you upright, silently offering you comfort and succor that your body didn’t even know it needed.

“Fuck.” You breathed, eyes fluttering closed and head laying back against his shoulder. The tears came when his lips pressed against your temple, wordlessly expressing his gratitude for what you were enduring. “Thank you.” Your own appreciation trembled over your lips, whether toward the man at your back or a god you weren’t sure you believed in for putting him there.

#murda writes #blood ties #daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #the walking dead #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon fanfic #daryl dixon x y/n #daryl dixon x you #daryl dixon smut #daryl dixon fluff #pregnant!reader #daryl dixon x female reader #daryl x female reader #daryl dixon twd #twd daryl dixon #the walking dead daryl dixon #daryl dixon the walking dead

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elordilover · 4 months

Note

hi! can you do a walker x reader where the reader struggles with her mental health?? it can be whatever you want! ❤️

yes of course! 🫶🏻🫶🏻

mental health break

pairing: walker scobell x reader

summary: you needed a mental health break and walker is always there to comfort you

warnings: not really! not proofread! not trying to romanticize mental illnesses

————————————————————————

you didn’t go to school today. you desperately need a break from the at environment. all the stress and burnout finally caught up to you. you just needed a day to yourself to reset.

you and walker had agreed to go bowling and get dinner after he was done with his schoolwork. you really wanted to see him but didn’t want to leave your home. you felt the vibration from your phone, it was a text, from walker.

“hey, what time should i swing by your house?”, it read. you felt bad and didn’t want to blatantly say no, so you thought of something better to say.

“is it okay if we don’t go out tonight? i’m not doing the best and need a break, you can still come over, 4:30 is good for me 🫶🏻”, you replied to him.

“okay yeah that’s amazing, i’ll be over soon”, he replied to you. “are you okay?”, he quickly sent after.

“yeah im okay, just needed a a break”, you sent back.

—————

the doorbell rang and you knew it was walker, it was 4:30 sharp. your parents opened the door and welcomed him in.

“Y/N is upstairs!”, you heard then say to him. your parents absolutely loved walker. he was so sweet toward them and always cared.

he ran up the stairs toward your room, and before he entered, he knocked. that was always something you loved about him, he would knock and make sure you were okay with him coming in before barging in.

“come in”, you said and immediately heard the door open. your heart swelled just seeing your boyfriend in his comfy sweats, ready to comfort you.

“hi Y/N, how you doing bub?”, he asked in a soft tone, using your favorite pet name.

“okay, come here”, you said and pulled him onto your bed.

“i’ve just been so stressed and everything’s been so hard recently, schools been so overwhelming. i’ve just needed a day without that”, you stated while he intently listened.

“i’m sorry, bub”, he replied.

“i’m sorry we couldn’t go through with our plans”, you said sadly.

“no, bubs it’s okay. i promise, we will do it another day. where you can fully enjoy it”.

he wrapped him arms around you and slightly hummed in your ear before you both fell asleep. you were so lucky to have him.

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thanks for reading! sorry this was a bit shorter! feedback is well appreciated! requests are open!!

👛🌂🪲🦋🐬🦩🦢🪽🌸🌺🌞🌈✨🥑🍍🍭🛼

#walker scobell x reader #writing #x reader #walker scobell fluff #fluff #walker scobell fanfiction #walker scobell x you #walker scobell fic #walker #walker scobell #scobell #walker scobell sweet #cute #asks #requests #fic rec #walker scobell fic rec #walker scobell percy jackson

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myhairpintrigger · 1 year

Note

Hi, I just stumbled upon your blog and immediately fell in love with your writing (that darkling fic), so I don't know if you write for Nikolai, but I think that man is a man written by Taylor Swift, so if you could, could you write a fic based on a song “I think he knows” like maybe they're friends but Nikolai has a crush on her and Nikolai is always smug about it and shamelessly flirts with her because he loves getting her all flustered but she just shrugs him off because she believes that Nikolai is always flirty with everyone but Nikolai proved her wrong and just continued on flirting with her until one day she confessed that she also has a crush on him? I don't know if that made sense.

this is my first time writing for Nikolai, admittedly, so I apologise if it isn't the most magical thing you've ever read. I did try though! but ill stand by when I said the entire grishverse was ghostwritten by Taylor swift. there is no questions. PERIOD. btw I love u, anon <333

warnings: none

word count: 2k

I Want You, Bless my Soul

(nikolai lantsov x fem!reader)

“One of these days I am going to charm you into a kiss, and then you won’t be able to resist me.”

You scoffed and looked up at your best friend while he stood over the desk you sat at, sketching a bit in your notebook, “A kiss? I bet you offer kisses to all the girls you know.” You countered and glanced back down at your work.

Nikolai simply shrugged and sat down on the other side of his desk and he crossed his arms over his chest, “Well, there aren’t many girls around here to talk to.” He argued back playfully and reached across the desk to give your nose a little tap.

“You’re insufferable!” You gasped playfully and then you shook your head, “you should be ashamed, making all the girls around you feel so pretty and special.”

“Does that mean I make you feel pretty and special?” He asked excitedly and you simply shook your head.

“No, because I know better, Lantsov.”

“Ah. Well. One of these days. You’ll see.” He promised and you rolled your eyes in return.

You stood up on the deck of Nikolai’s ship and drummed your fingers against the hard wood rails while you watched some of the Grisha on the ship work to keep it sailing smoothly. You’d been friends with the blonde prince as long as you could remember, and when he skipped off to do his own business and sail, he’d eagerly invited you to join him.

Meaning, you were the only person aboard the ship to know he was the Lantsov prince, a secret of which you kept at the utmost importance. You loved the boy with all of your heart- a little bit too deeply- in fact, you were one hundred percent sure that you were in love with your best friend. But the only issue was, he was a natural flirt. It seemed like every girl he spoke to, every time he opened his mouth, every word he said, had someone swooning or falling to their knees. You had accepted a long time ago that you had no shot with the prince and you had made your peace with it.

That didn’t make it any easier when he came around just to bother you, though.

Like right now.

You sat down on a little bench on the deck of the ship and peered out at the water around you, and Nikolai mirthfully approached you and reached out to hand you something. You looked down into his strong hand and saw a little pearl resting in the palm of his hand.

“Look. I found it in one of the oysters we caught.” He said proudly and you gently took the shimmering pearl out of his hand and held it up to the light.

“It’s pretty. What are you gonna do with it?” You asked and placed it back in his hand.

“Well, I was going to give it to you. Because it’s so lovely, it just reminded me of you. Plus, it sparkles like your eyes or something like that. Was that a romantic enough thing to say?” He asked and winked down at you.

You scoffed, as you often did in his presence, and took the pearl from him again, “Oh, please. It was just about as cheesy as it gets, you brat.” You replied and he hummed.

“Well then why are you blushing?” He asked and pointed down at you, wiggling his finger near your face.

You gaped up at him and you brought your hand up to your face to feel your cheeks which were indeed, quite warm and you scowled at him, “I am not blushing!” You protested, which caught the attention of Tamar nearby.

She glanced in your direction and then up at the blonde boy in front of you and she grinned, “Oh yeah. You’re blushing. Hard.” She commented and Nikolai pumped his fist in victory. You stood up from the bench and tucked the pearl away in your pocket before you shook your head and stomped off below deck.

The next time the Prince flustered you had to be in front of the Sun Summoner herself, and you couldn’t remember a time where you’d been more lost for words. You stood in his office while he went over some maps with Alina and her friend Mal, who stood awkwardly to the side. You took a guess and figured he did that a lot. Standing off to the side. You were perched on the corner of Nikolai’s desk and you tapped a spot on the map.

“We gotta be careful here. Big rocks, remember?” You pointed out and he wasted no time in making you a mess.

He reached down and grabbed your hand off of the map and raised it up to his lips, kissing your knuckles politely, “Ah yes. Big rocks. Not much bigger than the one I’ll put on your finger one day, though.”

You stared up at him and your jaw almost dropped. He still held your hand in his and you wanted to yank it away and go hide, but half of you wouldn’t allow you to even budge. You let out a breathy, nervous laugh and you shook your head, “Time and place.” You mumbled under your breath and looked away from him but he simply tightened his grip on your hand and grinned.

“We’d make beautiful children too, Alina, don’t you think? Her bone structure and her eyes and my hair and smile?”

The Sun Saint stood there and let out an awkward laugh before she looked to Mal and he cleared his throat, mentioning something or other about the sea whip. You tugged your hand away from Nikolai and looked down at your lap for a long time before you slid off of the desk and you put your hands into your pockets.

“I’m going to head to bed I think. It’s been a very long day.” You squeaked and then without another word, you dashed out of his office and went to stand at your favorite spot at the back of the ship.

You let the brisk night’s air cool your cheeks and you let out a long, frustrated sigh. You hardly thought it was fair that he kept flirting with you, especially when it was just so casual and asinine. No one was on deck at this time of night and you took advantage of that and leaned over the side of the boat to feel the sea spray against your cheeks. You wanted to slap the smug little smile off of Nikolai’s face every time he made you feel so… giddy. You wanted to scream at him and tell him that it wasn’t fair that he unleashed butterflies in your stomach every time he opened up his beautiful mouth. But most of all, you wanted to smack him in the middle of the chest and tell him just how in love with him you were and just how unfair it was that he teased you relentlessly for it.

That was why he did it, right?

You wondered for a moment and then finally shook your head. There was no other explanation. You’d known the boy since you were both just children and he’d always been a shameless little flirt with everyone, especially in his teenage years. It made sense that perhaps this was how he interacted. This was just his personality, everybody knew so… right?

You nearly jumped out of your skin when you felt a hand on your shoulder and you turned around with your hands raised, only to feel waves of relief when you saw it was only Nikolai.

“You scared me.” You commented with a sigh and the boy shrugged and then he let out a laugh, a beautiful sound that brought a smile to your lips.

“Yeah I can tell. You look very menacing with your hands up like that. I almost feared for my life.” He teased and you rolled your eyes and playfully shoved him back before you turned back to the water, silence settling over the two of you.

“So,” Nikolai began and leaned up against the rails next to you, “Is this the part where we kiss? In front of the ocean, under the light of the moon?” He singsonged and sidled up closer to you.

You turned and looked at him with a frown, “You have to stop that.” You said quietly and then bit down on your bottom lip.

“Stop what?” He asked cluelessly.

You studied his face and then you shook your head, “Nikolai, I mean you need to stop messing with me like this. I’m not just every girl. They all swoon for you and they all giggle and blush when you talk to them but for me it’s just… so much more complex.”

He raised his eyebrow curiously as if he didn’t understand what you meant and you let out a long sigh and rubbed your face, already blushing, “Nikolai, I am in love with you. I have been for years, and I probably will be for a long time. And when you sit and flirt with me like this… make me feel special, make me feel so giddy, it makes it even harder for me because that’s how you talk to every girl!” You said, hiding your face in your hands.

There was a long pause in which you could only hear the ocean around you along with the wind, when suddenly the boy next to you let out a loud, amused laugh. Your face turned even redder and you went to walk away before he grabbed onto your arm and he pulled you back to him and grinned down at you.

“Oh, y/n. My sweet, sweet girl. Do you ever hear me say these things to other girls? Really.” He asked and you blinked up at him.

You knew he had a charming demeanor, but come to think of it, he’d never made comments like the ones he made to you to every other girl he ever met. You stared up at him blankly and he laughed again, a beautiful sound that made you want to melt into his arms entirely.

“I’ll take that as a no.” He replied and then he let out a soft sigh, “I don’t mess about with other girls, I don’t tease them relentlessly like I do you. And it’s all for good reason. You’re simply the only girl I have my sights on, and saints are you a slippery little worm. I think I’ve finally got you and then you’re running off and hiding.”

Shock was evident on your face, this much you were sure of, and you shook your head once, “You have got to be kidding me.” Was all you could manage and Nikolai laughed again and he reached down to cup your cheeks.

“My pretty y/n. I’d never joke about such things.” He said, leaning closer to your face.

“Oh for the love of the saints, Nikolai.” You groaned and stood up on your toes to finally greet his lips with your own.

The kiss was met with much eagerness from the Prince and he only pulled you closer to him as he kissed you back with a sweetness unlike anything you’d ever felt. Butterflies fluttered around your stomach and when he finally pulled back, his grin was highlighted by the moon as he stared down at you as if you were the most beautiful thing in the world to him.

“I do believe I told you that one day I’d charm you into a kiss.” He pointed out smugly and you grabbed the collar of his shirt and shook your head.

“I think I’m the one that charmed you.” You remarked and pulled him down to where your noses brushed.

“More than you’ll ever know.” He replied softly before he brought another heavenly kiss to your lips.

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov x reader #nikolai lantsov x you #nikolai lantsov imagine #grishaverse #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone

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fruityrituals · 4 months

Text

only you

mountain ghoul x fem reader

summary: mountain takes you away for your birthday, just the two of you, and it the most romantic weekend away.

cw: some fluff, after care, rough s3x, oral, hair pulling, unprotected sex/breeding kink, ghoul form, light clit play, using tail during s3x.

comment: this fanfic has little to no plot other than birthday s3x. the smut starts right away practically lol.

dedicated to rachel. happy birthday!

(18+) / MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Ghost Masterlist

(divider below from @cafekitsune | pics above from pinterest)

songs: First Time by Hozier | Unknown / Nth by Hozier

This weekend is your birthday weekend and you have been looking forward to it for months because your ghoul boyfriend, Mountain, promised you a weekend with just the two of you since the band isn’t on tour the days leading to your birthday. Its the morning of your birthday and you’re fast asleep in bed. You’re usually awake before him, but considering the long night you both had last night, you are asleep when Mountain wakes up. He smiles and kisses your forehead before getting out of bed. After the bathroom, he decides to make you some breakfast so you can wake up to the smell and see that he’s making you your favorite. Once he’s done, he chuckles to himself when he sees you haven’t moved an inch, not even when he was humming in the kitchen and drumming with chop sticks on the counter while he waited for the eggs to cook. He smirks as an idea comes into his head. He remembers you two having a talk in the beginning of your relationship about how you have always wanted to be woken up to morning sex and what better day than your birthday, he thought.

He makes his way over to the bed slowly sinking down on his knees at the foot of the bed as he slowly takes the blanket off your already naked body. You shiver a bit in your sleep as he whispers, “Don’t worry angel, you’ll be warm again soon”. He leans forward holding himself over you as he kisses your neck gently, then slowly trails his kisses down to your chest kissing each of your breasts before taking one of your nipples between his lips giving it a soft tug in between his teeth causing a little gasp to escape your lips and goosebumps to fill your skin. You slowly start to wake up as you feel his lips all over your body trailing down lower. The next thing you feel is your legs being spread open and Mountain dragging his tongue through your folds. You moan out softly opening your eyes and looking down at him with a smile as you say “Mmm, Good morning”. He looks up at you from the spot between your legs with a smirk on his face as he says, “Good Morning Birthday Girl”. He dives back between your legs as he flicks his tongue against your clit causing you to moan out his name and arch your back off the bed a bit as you reach one hand above your head gripping the pillow and the other hand falls into his hair gripping it. He continues his play on your clit with his tongue then he slips a finger into you causing you to whine out because his fingers aren’t enough, you want him. Your hips squirm as you grind yourself against his tongue and moan out, “Fuck I need you so bad please” and he replies with “Ill give you whatever you want”.

He leaves your core and positions himself over your body as he reaches your lips and kisses you roughly as he pulls down his boxers. You wrap your legs around his waist when his boxers are off and he reaches a hand down between the both of you grabbing his cock and he rubs the tip through your folds getting himself lubricated from your wetness. His breathing hitches from feeling how wet you are and he places his tip into your entrance then pushes in slowly as you both let out moans. Once he’s settled deep inside of you, he positions himself better as he leans down finally kissing you again and he starts moving his hips in and out of you. Your legs round his waist loosens and falls as you spread himself wider for him. You place both hands in his hair gripping it as he slowly starts to pick up his pace thrusting into you a little faster. He curses against your lips as he tries to keep his human glamour up. He doesn’t like having sex with you in his ghoul form because he’s afraid of hurting you, but by the sounds of his grunts and his pace quickening and hardening, you don’t think he can hold back much longer. He groans louder as you toss your head back breathing heavily and gripping the bedsheets tight in your fists. Suddenly you hear a sound that sound like a growl and your pussy feels like its being stretched wider, so you gasp out and open your eyes seeing him in his ghoul form now. Panic spreads across his face and he’s about to pull out before you shake your head and wrap your legs around his waist again, “Mountain please, please dont stop that feels so good, i promise you aren’t going to hurt me in the way you think”. He looks down at you contemplating before saying “if you need me to stop or slow down at any point please tell me. I am being so serious please promise me because I cannot bare to hurt you. I couldn’t live with myself”. You cup his face with both hands rubbing his cheeks with your thumbs looking into his eyes, “I promise I will tell you”. The reassurance is all he needs because hes suddenly pulling out and flipping you over onto your hands and knees quickly.

You feel his heavy thick cock slowly enter you and it stings this time but in the best way possible. You let out a soft whine as you bite your knuckles. He bottoms out all the way and you feel so full. He has told you about how he is during sex in his ghoul form and that he was too scared to hurt you but you were never scared about it. You actually wanted him in his ghoul form even more because that is his natural form. You know he has more self control than he thinks he does, so you trust him. You can tell by his labored breathing that he’s already holding back as he’s trying to let you adjust, so you look over your shoulder at him and say, “Mountain I need you to please fuck me before I get impatient. I promise I’ll tell you if I need you to stop”. He bites his lip growling a bit as he nods and grips on you your hips. You feel his nails dig into your skin a bit which causes you to flinch and then he starts thrusting into you. You let your head hang down as you grip the bedding and let out moans as you feel yourself being stretched. It hurts but not in a way where you need him to stop. The pain has the pleasure coursing through you and wanting more. It feels like each thrust becomes harder until all you can hear is the sounds of both of your body’s slamming against each other as he takes you hard from behind. He practically grunting and moaning the whole time, so the combination of his noises and the way he’s fucking you right now had your stomach knotting up tight.

Mountain lets himself let go as he leaned forward pushing your head down into the bed and you let out a yelp as your upper half of your body is pressed against the mattress and your ass it up In the air as he relentlessly pounds into you hard and says, “You’re such a good girl for me. You and your tight little pussy around my ghoul cock”. You have never heard I’m talk like that during sex and it causes you to moan loud and come apart as your orgasm slams into you. You’re gasping and moaning out as he continues his hard pace. You feel overstimulated so you start squirming around as tears roll down your cheeks. He pushes your head into the mattress as he grips your hair, the grip he has on your hair has you wincing but you don’t want him to stop. He leans forward and growls into your ear ,”Come on angel I know you have one more for me”. You shake your head ,”I can’t it's too much” you gasp out. He stops thrusting and says “Do you want to stop?” You shake your head quickly and he smirks as he turns you onto your back then thrusts back into you with the most carnal smirk on his face. When he’s bottomed out, he leans forward and wraps a hand around the back of your neck sitting you up, you prop yourself up on your elbows as he says “Watch as I fuck your pussy” he moans out. You look up at him and nod as you both look into each other with so much lust then he trails his eyes down to where you connect and you follow his gaze as you both watch his cock pounding into you. His tail comes around and runs along your thighs causing you to shiver, then it moves to your clit and starts stroking circles making you squirm. You didn’t think you could orgasm again but you feel your climax quickly approaching again. You moan out closing your eyes and tossing your head back as your walls tighten around his dick. He moans louder when he feels you tighten and that’s enough to send both of you over the edge as he pounds into you hard riding out both of your highs as you both cum hard. You yell out his name and he smashed his lips to yours kissing you sloppily and roughly. His hips slowly come to a stop which cause the both of you to let out soft whines at the same time before he slowly pulls out, earning another whine. You both are slick with sweat and he falls next to you in bed.

You lie in bed with him with your head on his chest as you both catch your breath. Your legs tangled together, your breast pressed against his side. Hes playing with your hair gently as he places a kiss on top of your head, “Lets get some breakfast in you and im going to clean you up after. Wait here”. You nod as he kisses your head one more time before moving out from under you. He gets out of bed pulling on some underwear and walks out of the bedroom into the kitchen. You lay there for a few seconds smiling before you sit up and grab a hair clip from the night stand and pull your messy hair back clipping it up. You lean against the headboard as you pull the blanket onto your lap a little and look outside the window seeing the rain clouds coming in. You love when it rains because you get to stay in all day with Mountain, which im sure thats what they were going to do today anyway since you only wanted to be with im for your birthday. You rented a small country side home on airbnb so you both could have some peace and quite alone so this is the perfect place for you to be stuck indoors all day.

Moments later, He comes back into the room holding a bed tray that has a vase of wildflowers. Once he set the tray down over your lap, your eyes begin to swell with tears as you smile down seeing he made you your favorite, a breakfast burrito, with a cup of orange juice, and a birthday card. You look up at him and smile, “This is perfect Mount, thank you. Where did you get the orange juice from? We didn’t have anymore.” He kisses your forehead then walks around to the other side of the bed and gets settled next to you, “I know you love orange juice and we are too far from town, so I couldn’t go get some, but while i was outside picking flowers for you, I noticed an orange tree in the backyard so i picked a few and found a juice presser in the kitchen”. You couldn't help but smile wide at him with tears in your eyes again, “You made fresh orange juice for me because you know i like orange juice and we didn't have any?”. He nods, “of course, why wouldn't I?”. You lean over and place a hand on the side of his face kissing him deeply, “Thank you Mountain, this is all so perfect. I love you”. He smiles moving the lose strand of hair out your face, “I love you”, he says back as he leans back against the headboard. You pick up your burrito taking a bite, “Are you going to eat too?” You ask him as you set your food down to take a sip of the juice. He moves closer to you and wraps an arm around you as you eat, “I wasn't too hungry this morning but i ate some cereal while i was cooking your breakfast. Im okay until lunch angel”. He kisses your temple and sits with you for a few minutes talking to you about the plans for next tour before he gets out of bed and goes into the bathroom as you finish your food.

When you finish eating, he moves the tray out of the way and scoops you up bridal style causing you to laugh as you wrap an arm around his neck. He takes you into the bathroom where he had a warm bath drawn. He sits you in the tub and you beam up at him as you watch him take off his underwear and climb in behind you. You lean into him as he is leaning back against the tub as he runs his hands on your body cleaning you with a wash cloth. You both relax against each other as you talk and listen to music he has playing. You look up at him as you say, “This has been the best birthday so far. Being here with only you. Its all I wanted” and with that, you spent the rest of your birthday tangled in each other.

#ghost fanfiction #ghost bc #the band ghost #mountain ghost #mountain ghoul #mountain ghoul x reader #fem reader #nameless ghoul #ghost #nameless ghouls #smut #smut fic #fanfic #fanfiction #fluff fic #mdni #18+ mdni #Spotify

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melliiaahh · 11 months

Note

I think you’re a good writer!!

Can you do a scenario where the reader’s parents don’t approve of her blue lock boyfriend? Like no matter the blue lock boy does or say, Her parents don’t like him but she won’t break up with the boy because she loves them

Boys: Isagi, Rin, Bachira, Sae, Nagi, Barou, Shidou, Kaiser, and anyone you would want to write for!!

Thank you so much i really appreciate the support<3!!! of course ! ill try my best<3333 you're out here breaking my heart tho OH MY GODDDD

♧Blue Lock Boys and s/o with disapproving parents♧

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Word count: 3.7k

Warning: Swearing and use of feminine description.

Featuring: Bachira, Kaiser, Kunigami, Chigiri, Rin, Sae, Isagi, Barou, Shindo, Nagi and Reo

Genre: angst, fluff towards the end of each reaction cause my heart cant take sadness </3

Notes: pls remember I’m Australian and we spell words differently LMAO, we spell mum with a U not a O OKAY I promise I’m not dumb HAHAAH

if you like my stuff have a look at my masterlist for more !

All characters are aged up! Not proofread!

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Storyline...

“ I’m sorry guys but we just can’t approve your relationship together, he wants to becoming a pro athlete and you’re just a regular person y/n! What if he goes out into the world when he does soccer matches and finds someone he likes better? What if he goes out and cheats on you y/n while you’re here at home working all alone. I’m sorry y/n but we just can’t have you in a relationship that could end up with you heart broken, I don’t want to be the one picking you back up when this wannabe athlete star decides he’s done with regular people like us. Cmon y/n come to your senses, you guys are living two different lives here.”

Your mother yells as you held your boyfriends hand while rushing to the front door. You can’t believe the words that have come from your mothers mouth, especially in front of your partner! you’re completely embarrassed and distraught at her words that you’ve picked dup your things and dragged your boyfriend to the front door to leave. You love them with your whole heart and have known them since before they went into blue lock and could never see them do anything that your mother has said.

You open the front door to leave but not before replying to your parents “ you know nothing about him or us, Mum, we will prove you wrong but until then I want nothing to do with either of you. He is an amazing guy … he works hard at what he loves and still is able to do whatever he can just to make me happy. But you would know that since you never put in the time to get to know him. But that’s too late now… Goodbye”

You quickly turn around with tears threatening to fall down your cheeks and before your parents could say anything to retort you walk outside in the cold air and take a deep breath before slamming the door shut. You and your partner quickly walk to the car before slamming the door shut, as soon as getting into the car you break down and apologise profusely to your partner about the way your mother reacted……

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Reactions...

Isagi Yoichi

Isagi quickly wraps you up in a hug, whispering to you “ its okay sweetheart you have nothing to apologise for… and just like you said we will prove them wrong” He slowly moves to cup your face in his hands, gently wiping whatever tears you have on your face.

“We will make this work. I don’t care if I’m hundreds or thousands miles away for a game. We will make it work because you are my everything y/n, I couldn’t care less what they have to say and ill spend all my life proving them wrong if I have to because I love you and not anyone else… okay?”

You bring Isagi back into a tight hug before you cry a little more, butt his time out of relief at the words your beloved just said. After you have calmed down you let go and sit comfortably into your seat, Isagi doing the same with one hand on the steering wheel and the other gently rubbing your thigh for comfort he speaks up again

“How about we quickly go to the store for ice cream and then head home to watch some movies okay?” He looks at you with a gentle smile before starting the car and going off towards the nearest grocery store. You nod your head at him with a smile before watching you slowly move away from your parents house feeling confident in the love that Isagi has for you and only you<3

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Bachira Meguru

Bachira holds both of your hands in his and kisses your knuckles very gently. He knows now is not the time to play games or joke around after what just happened. He is upset and irritated that he couldn’t get your parents to approve of him but he can’t help but feel delighted that you chose to stick with him even after your parents explain their disapproval of him.

He moves your chin with his finger to get you to look at him before saying “ill forever be yours y/n, your boyfriend, your monster, whatever you want me to be I’m here… there is no one in this world that I would chose before you. You’re the one person who truely understood and stayed by me and ill always be that for you, no matter where I am in the world… I’ll always come back home to you.”

He sees you smile and relax at his words which makes him do the same. He quickly grabs your face to give you a quick kiss on your nose, making you laugh which in turn makes him grin. Knowing you’re feeling better he sits back in the drivers seat before speaking up again

“its also nice to know that you’ll fight for me, how such a loving partner I think ill swoooooon~” he giggles as he jokes with you which then makes you giggle before you slap his arm “ ill always fight for you my love” you respond, taking hold of his as he drives away.

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Chigiri Hoyma

Chigiri is shocked to say the least at your parents behaviour, he could never imagine his own mother or sister that way towards you so the fact that you have to deal with it breaks his heart.

He knew he had to get you out of here before it caused you any more distress so he quickly grabs your hand and turns on the car, he doesn’t tell you where he is going but you’re thankful that he’s quick to get you out of there as you couldn’t bare to look at the house that’s now no longer yours to call home.

It was not long before he found a park to stop the car at. Quickly parking he gets out of the car and comes around to open the door for you, holding his hand out to you to get you out before taking off his jacket to give to you.

He then leads you to a park bench to sit down before saying “ I’m sorry that this happened my love. I hope what your mother said didn’t put you to have any distrust on me because I couldn’t think of anyone id rather spend my whole life with.. you’re my love and I want you to know that no matter where or what I am doing ill always come running to you if you ask. I don’t care if I’m all the way in Spain, if you asked I’ll come home at a drop of a hat because you are my world and the only thing that matters, soccer will forever come second when it comes to you, because everything I do is so I can see your pretty smile okay? So you don’t have to worry about me because my eyes are only for you<3” He finishes saying nearly out of breath which makes you laugh.

Hearing you laugh makes Chigiri smile brightly, knowing he is the one that caused the delighted sound that he loves dearly. “ Thank you Hyo, it means the world to me what you’ve said” you respond with a small smile which in turn makes chigiri engulf you in a tight embrace

“ Anytime my dear, you know that I would give you the entire world and more if you so dare wished.. so let’s forget about what’s happened and go out for dinner hm?” He responds as he kisses your forehead gently while reminding himself how lucky he is <3

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Rensuke Kunigami

Kunigami had to quickly calm himself down cause although they were your parents he was struggling to contain his anger and confusion as to what just conspired. But knew that you would rather leave the house and not come back so he turned the car on and went to the closest car park, as long as it was away from your parents house Kunigami didn’t care he just wanted you to be okay

As soon as he parked and stopped the car, he turned to you and spoke “baby you have nothing to apologise for. You weren’t controlling your parents words so I hold no grudge against you but please understand this that I’m gonna be with you no matter what, you mean so much more to me than soccer and I could not care less that your parents think. You make my life so much better just by being in it and I don’t want to spend my life with anyone else, you got that?” He holds you tight to him almost like he is afraid that you’ll disappear

You reciprocated his hug and whisper thank you’s and I love you’s to each other until you’ve calmed down enough and felt better than before. Kunigami smiles before speaking up again “ now let’s not ruin this night, let’s do whatever you want. No matter what it is we will do it because I hate to see my sweet girl so down” you light up at his words which makes him grin and the sight, he loves nothing more than seeing you smile<3

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Michael Kaiser

Michael is practically seething through his teeth but he tries his best to keep his composure for your sake as well as his. You promised your mother that you’ll prove them wrong and he wasn’t about to ruin it now.

Realistically Michael couldn’t care for your parents approval however the fact that you cared at all meant enough to him to support you, and now he’s pissed that your mother could break your heart like that.

“ You don’t need to apologise sweetheart, I don’t care what your mother said, im here for you and only you. She can think all those horrible things all she likes I couldn’t care less. Im more pissed off that she made you cry, so please stop crying sweetheart it’s okay, you’ve got nothing to worry about.” Michael says as he pulls your face into his chest, never wanting to let go.<3

“ And besides… she doest know that I’m only obsessed with you. I couldn’t give a fuck about any other low lives around us. It’s me and you against the world remember?” He continues as he puts small kisses on your head, he hums and whispers to you “ so no more of this crying and apology shit, im always gonna be by your side… now lets get out of here okay? And ill prove to you and your mother that I’m the damn best man there is for you” he grins as he starts to turn on the car and speed away

(Mans is a cocky bastard that literally takes to proving your mum wrong very seriously -_-)

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Reo Mikage

He quickly hops into the car, telling his driver to get out of there (man is rich why tf would he drive HAHAHAHA) then puts his attention on you completely. Bringing you into a hug as you cried your heart out, still apologising for what happened.

Reo pulls away and brings you in for a kiss, surprised by the sudden movement you stop crying and accept the kiss. He takes this time to wipe away your tears before pulling away and saying “ you’re okay, everything’s alright now prince/ss, don’t stress your pretty head I’m not going anywhere”

You relax a bit after hearing his words, still hugging his chest you thank him by giving him another quick kiss before pulling away to sit back in your own chair which in turn makes him pull you even closer

“What makes you think I am ever gonna let you go doll? Stay cuddling with me and I’ll prove to you, to your parents and the whole world that you’re the only wo/man I want by my side. You’re my muse and don’t you ever forget that, so let me prove it to you now” he says as he pulls you out of the car and into your new home together<3

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Nagi Seishiro

(Every fibre of my being is telling me that this man would be too lazy to get a license let alone a car but lets just go along with it HAHAHAH)

Nagi was left pretty much dumb founded at the whole situation, he didn’t speak much to your parents so he didn’t really know why your parents disapproved of him but nevertheless he held your hand the whole way home telling you to stop apologising. As soon as Nagi parked infant of his house he quickly gets out and opens your car door to let you out.

He brings you both inside and into his room. “Here lets forget about what they said because to be honest I don’t care about it, its really bothersome you know…”

He guides you to the bed before smothering you with his whole body making you smile before trying to push him off so you can BREATHE “Cmon seiiii let me at least change clothessss…” you say trying you’re absolute HARDEST to get this man off you “but that’s so much work y/nnn, just come cuddle with me and play games...” He mumbles back, holding you even tighter.

He then looks up at you before talking again “ I hope your not worried about me from what your mother said… you’re the only person I like spending all my time with.. you make everything less boring and irritating… I love you sweets.. plus you’re not a nag like Reo…”

You smile back at his words, racipucating his cuddle before replying “ Thank you sei, I love you too” <3

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Rin Itoshi

Rin is very good at hiding his emotions around you, he never wants you to see him upset or pissed off especially right now. To make their own child cry and abandoned them makes Rin enraged to say the least, he knows the feeling of abandonment because of his brother so he at least knows a little bit as to what you’re feeling but to be your parents it was the least he expected

Rin starts the car and drives away from the house, you know he isn’t much of a talker nor someone who’s good at consoling another person so you didn’t mind the quiet car ride, the only noise Is the radio and the rain falling onto the windshield. After what almost felt like an eternity, Rin quickly gets out the umbrella from the back seat and speed walks to your car door, opening it for you and leading you to the house before stopping at the front door step where he turns around to face you before speaking

“ I know im not great at this consoling thing but… I would never abandon you for some other lukewarm degenerate.. youre the only person that makes anything outside of soccer worth it… so youll always be my number one priority, even if I don’t show you that sometimes .. so stop crying ok?” He mumbles to you but it was enough for you to hear

You smile at him and bring him into a tight hug, which he accepts instantly. “Thank you Rin.. you’ll always be my number one too… I love you” you respond to him with a smile which causes him to be flustered and mumble back an ‘I love you too’ before opening the front door into your new shared home<3

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Sae Itoshi

Like his younger brother he is very good and hiding his emotions from you and everyone around him as he thinks it is an annoyance however this time he can’t help looking concerned at your crying figuring trying to apologise to him that was clearly not your fault.

“ Don’t be stupid y/n you didn’t cause that argument, she did. So quit your apologising and let’s get out of here okay? I’ll treat you to some ice cream on our way back home…” he says trying to be as comforting as he can but again like his brother he isn’t that great at consoling. But you knew that and what he was doing now was more than okay cause you know he is trying by the way he looks at you with deep concern.

You nod your head and stayed quiet as he turned on the engine and quickly sped off to the nearest ice cream store. Once he parked he quickly told you to stay in the car whilst he went to get the ice cream. While waiting you see him come out of the store with over several cups of ice cream in his hands, looking very focused to not drop a single once. Laughing yet confused at what you’re looking at you quickly jump out of the car to help him out

“ Saeeee Jesus! Why did you buy so many?” You continue to laugh as you both walk to the car, hands filled with ice cream “ I didn’t know which one you liked the best since you like all these flavours so I bought all of them! I didn’t realise that ice cream would be so expensive” he huffs in response. You smile at him before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek as a thank you, Then as you start to walk to the car you hear him drop the ice cream on the floor and spin you around, pulling you into another kiss, this time its soft yet passionate. It felt like years have gone by, by the time you two pull away he then speaks up with a soft smile on his face “I think after all this heavy lifting of ice cream I deserved a bigger kiss don’t you think?” He grins as he sees you laugh

“ I mean sure but you did end up dropping like 5 of them just now” you respond pointing at the now melted ice cream on the car park floor. Sae’s face drops as he turns around to look at what he’s done “ AH FUCKING SHIT-“

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Barou Shoei (IS IS BARO OR BAROU???HELP)

Mans does not have a car he’s got a motorcycle and no one can tell me different. For Barou’s scenario just think that you walked to his bike instead of getting into a car <3)

Barou quickly shuts you up by hugging you tightly into his chest, telling you to shut up and calm down whilst he strokes you hair waiting for your breathing to slow down and thinking carefully about what to say next as he doesn’t want to upset you more than you already are. Once he feel you’re breathing has started to slow down he will slowly pull away and look down at you before speaking up

“I don’t know what your parents problem is with me but I know damn straight they know nothing about me. You’re my partner and that’s that. Im not looking for anyone different because everyone else is a peasant compared to you, you’re mine and everyone else better fucking know it.. so don’t apologise for someone else’s behaviour, even if they are your parents. They’re fucking stupid to think id ever do something as dumb as leaving or cheating on you. All im focused on is becoming the king of soccer and making you happy, that’s all there is to care about. So quit your whining and let’s get out of this dump” he looks away from you bit flustered as to what he just said.

You know that Barou is just a softy at heart when it comes to you so you smile at his (sorta??) kind words towards you. You grab him by the collar of his shirt and pull him down to give him a kiss on the cheek before replying

“ Thank you Sho… you always know what to say to make me feel better, let’s go home” you quickly walk towards his bike before looking back at him, seeing that he’s trying to bring himself together after the kiss. He is your big softy after all<3333

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Shidou Ryusei (AGAIN IS IT SHINDO OR SHINDOU?? this shit is confusing)

You currently crying is the only thing stopping him for going back into the house and letting your parents have an earful of Shindo’s thoughts, but of course he doesn’t because he knows that he should take care of you first and make sure you’re okay.

He faces you whilst in the driver seat, puts his hand on your thigh to rub it for comfort which is a first since he normally does it when he what’s to do something else and he says in a serious tone

“ Look I know I’m normally not the greatest boyfriend material to bring home to peoples parents but I know damn well fucking straight when I got a good one, AND YOURE THE BEST so obviously I’m not that stupid to let you get away from me or ruin it. I love you so fucking much baby. I only got eyes on you so there’s nothing you should worry about cause I’m only thinking about you and your fine fuckin ass” he says with a joking tone at the end which in turn makes you laugh.

You know Ryusei knows how to make you smile and laugh even in your worst moments. You look him in the eye before replying “Thank you Ryu..youre the best” he then grins before replying “ YOU DAMN WELL KNOW IT, now lets go home so we can eat, Im STARVING… also at least now we know where you get you’re attitude from, you’re mum has a fucking MOUTH on her man” you retort by slapping his shoulder although you can help but laugh as he speeds out of the driveway towards home<3

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rishiguro · 6 months

Text

55; “I’M NOT LETTING YOU DO THIS ALONE”

“well, this seems alright,” you mumbled to yourself after sitting down on the bed in what now would be your room.

the room was about as big as the one in the hospital’s palliative ward, with beige and one brown colored wall and a few pieces of furniture. it even had a big window and a small balcony to stand on.

“not too bad, huh?,” aran said, putting down your luggage.

he turned to the door, exchanging a few words with the black haired nurse that had greeted you — and as you were told, was also the one who would tend to you. the man informed your best friend of the next steps, his eyes often wandering to you before leaving the two of you to settle in for the next minutes.

you nodded along absentmindedly, not really paying attention to your best friend.

clenching your jaw for a short moment, you looked down at your hands, both placed in your lap, fingers twiddling.

“hey” the mattress dipped beside you as aran sat down. “it’ll be okay,” he said slowly, carefully, after waiting a couple seconds to figure out what to actually say.

you cracked a weak smile, still not looking at him.

a part of you wanted to agree with him, even if you weren’t even sure what ‘it’ actually meant. after all, it couldn’t get much worse than that, could it?

you knew that this must be hard on him too — aran has been your best friend for practically your entire life, obviously he’d be devastated too. and as his best friend your first instinct was to comfort him too, just like he tried with you.

but you couldn’t. what would you even say?

‘it’ll get better’ — that sounded stupid.

‘i’m sure it’ll work out’ — yeah, as if.

‘i’ll be healthy again’ — as if you were ever healthy to begin with.

as if you ever had the same chance at a long life as him, iwaizumi or any of your friends.

but you knew that, didn’t you? ending up here was inevitable, wasn’t it? so why were you so beat up over it?

although, a little more time would’ve been all you needed. a warning, a message, a hint, anything for you to know just how fast you would end up here and how quickly your illness caught up with you.

something to help you come to terms with it. something to prepare you.

and also something to prepare the ones closest to you.

you could still feel aran’s eyes on you, waiting, but not pressuring you to reply. so after a while, your mind still wiped clean of any words you once knew, you could only bring yourself to shrug.

“this is… odd,” you finally said, “i don’t really know what to feel”

“i know,” aran replied slowly, letting out a breathy laugh before he went on. “at least we know you’re still sane”

throwing a quick glance at him, you shook your head, not being able to stop your mouth from curling up. “i guess so”

after a few more moments of silence, aran reached out, putting his hand on yours. “listen, you’re not on your own, okay? i’m not letting you do this alone”

you looked at his hand, fondly remembering how this was something the two of you had done ever since you were little. it was a simple gesture, small and almost insignificant, but to you it meant unconditional support, friendship and trust.

“we’re not letting you do this alone,” he continued, “you got all of us and we’re here for you”

aran could sigh relieved as you finally lifted your head up, directly looking at him. your eyes were teary and your lips were dry and trembling slightly as you nodded weakly.

he immediately pulled you close to him, wrapping his arms around you and engulfing you in a warm hug. “we got you,” he whispered, “i promise”

evanescent

/ɛvəˈnɛs(ə)nt,iːvəˈnɛs(ə)nt/ — “soon passing out of sight, memory, or existence; quickly fading or disappearing.”

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lilacxquartz · 9 days

Text

Don't Make Me Feel Alive I Chapter 3

Kenjaku (Pseudo-Geto) × Fem!Reader

[This fic contains Shibuya Arc spoilers and is updated every Saturday.]

ABOUT: Diagnosed at an early age with an illness that slowly deteriorated your body; you went from being a promising sorcerer to a retired husk of your once former self until he found you, offering you an opportunity to live instead—not that you had a choice to refuse.

CHAPTER SUMMARY: You are taken out on a little field trip that could have ended better, despite not knowing exactly what you did wrong.

TAGS/THEMES: (in the future chapters): »yandere, chronically ill reader, forced dynamic, non-con, dub-con, violence, caretaking, unrequited feelings, sorcerer reader, dead-dove, mixed pov, potential interpretations of dubious sorcery«

Prev ious Chapter.

Side Note: reminder, this is currently pre-shibuya arc, so some characters will still be present in his alliance. also more dubious sorcery up ahead.

3. Outing

Come the next morning, he was already long awake before you woke up. His gaze fixated on the pendant that rested around your neck, finding its low pulsating hum to be quite soothing as it echoed through the otherwise quiet room.

“I adjusted it for you overnight,” he began, patiently waiting for you to fully awake before continuing, “this time it should use less energy for the things you actively do like walking, but the energy cost will remain the same should you choose to use your technique.”

You furrowed your brows in response, seeming a little confused, “So, I can’t use my technique in the end anyway because it uses up too much energy… or?”

“That’s not what I said,” he corrected you with a slight laugh, “we can train it, the better you get at harnessing your technique, the less energy it will drain.”

“But would that really work…?” you asked.

“Think of it like working out a muscle,” he explained, trying to compare it to something you could understand, “it’ll get easier to manage over time.”

He then stared at you for a long moment as he ensured you kept up with his explanation before having a different thought enter his mind.

Thinking of something new, he broke the silence again, changing up his neutral demeanour to something much more energetic, “I want to test your ability to keep up with me.”

“But,” you halted, feeling still so cautious, “what if it’s like last time?”

“Ah, but I don’t think it’ll be,” he replied, his tone filled with optimism, “besides, what good is it if I trial things on you without you testing them?”

“…Fair,” you sighed, choosing to trust him for now as you sat up from the bed, “So… keeping up with you?”

“I have a meeting of sorts today to oversee some plans in the future, I’d like for you to attend this with me and see how the battery is spent during social settings, if at all,” he explained calmly, his tone sounding suddenly a little clinical despite his relaxed demeanour.

You found him difficult to read as his tone often overrode the look he had in his eyes as well as the smile that he constantly wore. Something about this whole thing felt unsafe, but you had no choice but to go along, so you might as well go along with what was thrown at you.

Meanwhile, his intentions weren’t as terrible as he simply just had an idea to see if the battery drain was strictly physical or if mental stress negatively impacted it as well.

You slowly nodded in understanding, “Also… what do I call you exactly?”

“Anything you’d like,” he replied bluntly. He had so many identities at this point that he didn’t care. Regardless of what name you could conjure up for him, he’s likely lived under that identity for at least a little while.

“Okay, but really, what do you prefer?” you persisted, not quite accepting his answer.

A pause followed as his smile returned, finding the insistence amusing.

“You can call me Kenjaku.”

“And that’s your real name?” you asked.

He nodded in confirmation, “But you can call me anything, however, for the meeting,” he paused for just another moment, “Maybe it’s best for you to call me Geto, instead.”

“Wait, so your allies know you as something different…?” you asked, reading maybe too much into the suggestion.

“I will go as far to admit that this isn’t my true body, so feel free to interpret that as you will,” he continued to say, “I’d prefer if this particular alliance stays in the dark about it”

“Is there a reason why you’re lying to your allies?” you asked as though to recycle your question, unsure why he was avoiding giving you a proper answer. Maybe you shouldn’t have been asking somebody you didn’t really feel too safe around so many questions, but also you wanted to understand who exactly you were working with.

Kenjaku himself didn’t actually mind your relentless curiosity, as he always found people the most interesting when they want to learn more about what’s around them, rather than just accepting things at face value. The only time he felt that people, including sorcerers, were boring, was when they were a little too content with their position in life.

“The alliance is a group of special grade cursed spirits,” he spoke up again after a hot second, studying your reaction as he next considered his tone, “but being what they are, I can’t trust them.”

“Because they’re not human?” you asked once again, trying to keep up.

“That’s not the only reason, but it’s one of them,” Kenjaku confirmed, his expression remaining unreadable.

“So you don’t trust them but you trust me?” you asked, not following along again.

“Who said I trust you?” he smiled.

“D-do you?”

“If I’m being honest, I don’t truly trust anyone,” he replied in a sudden serious tone before it faded away immediately, a wide grin following after, “but that’s enough about me, you’re going to follow me along aren’t you?”

“You’re not giving me much of a choice,” you sulked. You could walk, but you didn’t feel great doing it.

“Correct, but you are free to fight back, you know,” Kenjaku teased, knowing you wouldn’t tempt it.

“Wouldn’t you just stop me?” you warily asked.

“Also correct, so why don’t you behave for now and follow me anyway, unless you’re prepared to find out what happens if you refuse to do so?” he sang almost, still wearing his smile.

Albeit reluctantly, you chose to go along with his request, pressured by what he was doing for you. His vague threat lingered in the back of your mind, reminding you that he wouldn’t let you refuse, wondering exactly what that had truly meant. While his threat remained empty, you couldn’t deny that there was danger behind his words and you weren’t in a shape to find out.

As you walked alongside him too, you couldn’t help but admit that there was a difference in your stride; the adjustments that he made proving seemingly beneficial.

The meet with his alliance proved however brief as he quickly determined that certain aspects of his plans shouldn’t be shared with you, wanting to keep you in the dark about the darker parts just to keep your willing participation—understanding that if you knew the true extent of it all, that you wouldn’t be so keen to help him.

Which would be a problem. For most things, he preferred a willing cooperation, which was what he was aiming to achieve by tricking his other allies too.

This was simply how Kenjaku worked though; he would be selective with his plans and how he chose to tell it and to whom. He told you that he would restore you in return for your cooperation and he told Mahito’s alliance that he’s on their side in exchange to bend them to his will.

Therefore, he decided that your role wasn’t to directly talk just yet. It was to be in the midst of a social setting, humans or cursed spirits be damned—either were draining enough, so he simply just kept you present as a shadowing ally knowing that the alliance wouldn’t care much to ask.

For now given your condition, your use was limited anyway. Even if you did return to your peak condition, he would likely just utilise you in combat regardless since that was his initial plan to exploit your technique.

As such while the discussion happened off to the side, your matters were turned elsewhere—towards a person that didn’t quite seem human but not like the cursed spirits up ahead either; seeking comfort within his company, feeling bored out of your mind.

Initially, Kenjaku paid very little attention towards your interactions with one of his creations, believing that your communication with him would be limited at best. However as you continued to speak with the death painting, he felt something stir deep within him that he didn’t quite like—let alone understand.

You continued your exchange with Choso either way, oblivious to his observations. You somehow got into the conversation about emotions with him.

“I’m sorry, I’m just curious,” the death painting mumbled, hoping to not scare you away—he liked humans and wanted to learn about them, but his opportunities were limited.

“You’re fine,” you tried to reassure, “I’m just a little lost on how to answer that question,” you added with a polite, albeit strained smile.

“Sorry,” he repeated again, his face looking at you with a sat yet fascinated gaze.

“I suppose that it feels a little chaotic, maybe?” you mused, considering his question with more thought. “I think humans tend to be emotionally driven, so maybe to be human is to be unpredictable.”

You paused, trying to determine if your words were even coherent.

“Does that make sense?”

Choso nodded as he processed your answer despite feeling still just a little confused by it—he also had emotions but he didn’t feel motivated by them but maybe he was also missing something.

“A little,” he replied.

He wanted to continue the conversation but the meeting seemed to have been concluded which meant that you were reunited soon with Kenjaku, who chose to move onto the objective of continuing the practice of your technique.

With surprising patience, he encouraged you to release small bursts of your technique as you learned to regain control of it, finding that there was progress to be seen already, causing him some relief as you continued to demonstrate what you were currently capable of, meaning come autumn, you probably could prove useful. With each controlled movement, you proved that the energy handled by the pendant was becoming more and more efficient, which is exactly what he wanted.

“I know you can do better than that” he teased you, wanting for you to increase your output.

You nodded as you then attempted to do just that, finding that you still didn’t have a proper handle of your technique as you were simply too out of practice. As a result, you ended up accidentally sending over a surge of energy far greater than anything you should have been capable of—at least currently.

Kenjaku’s eyes widened slightly in response while maintaining his relaxed posture as he watched you completely drain the pendant of energy once again but in a much greater amount, thinking that luckily you were stood over grass, since the fall wouldn’t be so bad this time.

And then, to his slight annoyance, Choso was the one who caught you mid-fall, leaving him confused as to why the death painting, usually so aloof and distant, suddenly seemed to intervene.

However, he didn’t let his annoyance show at all.

Not once.

He instead continued back with you completely alone, leaving the cursed spirit alliance to their own hideouts, wherever those currently were and even though they didn’t suspect a single thing, he still felt off about something to do with you.

Then there was you, who on the other hand, couldn’t quite shake the feeling that he acted strangely colder towards you as he guided you back, finding that despite his continued silence, there was something different about his overall demeanour.

Feeling confused and weary from what had happened overall, you reluctantly went off to sleep even though there was an unrelenting nagging confusion lurking in the back of your mind, failing to understand exactly why he treated you so well just yesterday ago and why you were now otherwise reduced to barely dirt.

Initially, you wondered if it was because the technique had failed you again.

However, you also found that after you had accomplished a full night’s sleep, that he seemed completely back to normal again.

In fact, he seemed to be over the top thrilled about something.

So what was that really?

Next chapter.

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souperbloom · 4 months

Note

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPR3Bwg74/ yesssss sir🫡

i know where your head’s at anon. trust me.

the tiktok of ash talking crazy during the valentine genius interview can be found here.

————

cherry pie. [A.I.]

🍒 boyfriend!ash

valentine’s day smut. tee hee.

a/n: happy belated valentine’s day soup nation <3 sorry for my inactivity. school has been whooping my ass but i promise ill be back soon ! :3

CONTENT WARNINGS: smut!, oral (f!receiving), pet names, overstim.

WORDCOUNT: 2.5k

⋆⭒˚｡⋆

It wouldn’t take long for Ashton to figure out what your Valentine’s Day surprise held in store.

Your body, at his disposal, splayed out on his plush king-sized mattress; dressed head to toe in red lace and satin. You were like a gift-wrapped present, tied up with a little red bow.

It was everything you’d been dreaming about since the moment you saw that little red set in the window of your local lingerie shop. The perfect surprise for the most perfect boy.

"Ash, baby?" you call into the distance as you hear the shower turn off from the master bathroom.

After dinner, you told Ashton you’d rather head home and unwind, as opposed to going out and getting an after-dessert drink. And of course, despite putting up a bit of a fuss about it, your boyfriend agreed.

You told him to hop in the shower and get ready for bed: setting the expectation that there’d be no sugar tonight, and all you really wanted to do was cuddle in bed and watch a movie.

The disappointment laced through his features when you told him what you wanted from him was quite obvious. But since he had fussed enough about not going to the bar, he figured a little less bitching would do him some good on this special day.

It was hard enough for you to bite back your smile while lying in his face, already knowing what would be waiting for him after his shower.

"Yeah?" He finally replies from the bathroom, the echo of his voice bouncing off of the tiles and into your ears.

"You comin’ in soon?" you ask, hints of innocence in your question as you adjust your position to fit the steamy energy you were trying to exude.

"Yeah, yeah— gimme a minute. I’ll be out before you know it, sugar.”

You couldn’t see it, but you could practically hear the smile that sprawled across his face within his lewd reply. He knew how much you adored that nickname.

Maybe he had a better clue than you thought.

A few more minutes pass you by, subtly quiet music streaming from the TV filling you with anticipation. You couldn’t want to see the look on his face when he walked out to you like this. It took you long enough to find a set of lingerie as perfect as this one; only to have to speedily change into it the moment you heard the faucet turn on.

"Baby," you whine, faux impatience woven into your tone, "M’gettin’ tired."

You hear Ashton scoff playfully, slightly seeing his bare silhouette through the mirror as he takes a towel to his head to dry his hair off.

"I’m coming, I’m coming—" he coos, the towel still covering his head as he begins to whistle.

You dip your head back into the pillows for a moment, letting out a satisfied sigh. Seeing his body in the mirror was already getting you hot and bothered, not to mention the button-down shirt and leopard print jacket combo he had decided on wearing to dinner tonight. The thought of him drove you wild; and you were more than happy to submit to that.

Soon enough, Ashton emerges from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and tucked into itself, accentuating his physique. Along with the other towel that was still on his head, causing him to lead himself back into the bedroom blindly.

"So I was thinking we could watch—"

His thought stops in its’ tracks the moment he slides the towel off of his head.

"—Holy shit."

When his eyes meet yours, they double in size instantly. There’s a longing in his gaze, as if seeing you whipped him through the space-time continuum and barely brought him back down to Earth.

"Oh, baby," he hums, his eyes continuing their journey down your body and taking you in, in all of your crimson, lace glory, "You’re too good t’me."

"Happy Valentine’s Day, Ash," you purr, running a seductive hand up your thigh and letting your index finger collect the fabric of your satin slip.

"My God. What am I to do with you, sugar? Wrapped up all pretty n’ nice for me… Fuck, you’re wearing the hell outta’ that thing, baby…"

His lovesick babbling continues as he nears the bed, dipping his knee down into the mattress. Your eyes still lingered on him, bottom lip caught between your teeth as the two of you have an erotic stare down.

"Do whatever you want t’me. This is your gift, after all." Your coy smile grows wider as he slowly starts to crawl towards you.

"Whatever I want, you say?" He repeats your question as if the answer wasn’t obvious, "I’m not sure if you’re ready for that."

His body now hovers over yours, savoring his last few glances before he tears you out of this outfit and has his way with you. You knew he’d get you out of it faster than you’d gotten into it.

"I’m ready for anything. I’ve waited all fuckin’ week for this." You giggle up into his sparkly fern eyes as he’s now fully on top of you, eyeing you like you were the last cookie in the cookie jar.

"All week? Jesus, baby… If I knew you were gonna’ get dolled up like this I’d have thrown a Valentine’s Day in January." His playful remark sends a chill down your spine as he takes the back of his hand and caresses your cheek.

"I’d get dolled up every night for you, you know this. Just thought I’d save it for a special occasion."

His hand begins a trail down your collarbone towards your chest, "I had a feeling you were up to somethin’. You had that look in your eye."

You chuckle, trying to ignore the moan threatening to spill from your lips, "What look?"

"The look you have when you’re up to no good. You’re a pretty shit liar," he teases.

"Well, I’d say I pulled this surprise off successfully, shit liar or not— That’s all I was really hoping for."

"Successful is an understatement, sugar. You look sweet enough to eat…" He hooks his finger onto the fabric between your breasts, tugging it down gently. "…Sweet like cherry pie."

Not another moment passes before Ashton is dipping down to wrangle you into a passionate kiss. His hands roam with fervor, feeling the contours of your body with his broad palms and taking breaks to gently squeeze the parts he loves most.

His tongue entwines with yours seamlessly, as he makes a sly effort to grind his hips down between your inviting thighs. You sigh into his mouth, lacing your arms around the back of his neck.

"Fuck me, baby, you’re obscene," he sighs, breaking the kiss momentarily to leave a trail of kisses down your neck towards the valley of your breasts, "Think I might have to have a slice of my cherry pie."

You nod as if to say, ‘duh, Ash', wordlessly consenting to his request. He always aimed to please you, despite sometimes being sent to bed unrewarded. But he was such a good sport about it; you sometimes believed that he preferred giving as opposed to receiving.

Generous. There’s the word for it.

"This outfit is gorgeous," he sighs dreamily between kisses trailing down your stomach, "I feel bad takin’ it off so soon."

You shake your head, an electric current shooting up your body as his kisses start to near towards the apex of your thigh. "Don’t feel bad, it’s served its’ purpose."

"Was it’s ‘purpose’ to drive me insane? Because— it’s doin’ a great job at that."

You shrug playfully, enjoying the fiery path of destruction that this little get-up was causing in your sweet boyfriend’s head. He could barely contain his excitement as he parted your legs, gazing at you hungrily with a smirk. His slender fingers then hook onto waistband of your panties, pulling them down and off of you at a tantalizingly slow speed.

"Gonna give you my hand. Squeeze when it’s too much for you, m’kay?"

You nod down at his mellow smile, and grab his extended hand as he positions himself.

"Mhm."

With a sigh, he caresses your inner thigh gently, taking in the sight of you. It was hard enough to be patient after he had promised something he was sure would drive you crazy; you knew him well, but not well enough.

You were sure he had some tricks up his sleeve.

"’Gonna make you feel so good…"

His gravelly voice trails off as he lowers his mouth to your core, lips hovering inches above where you needed him most. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you weren’t growing a bit impatient.

"Yeah?" you taunt, rubbing your thumb in circles over the back of his hand, "You’re all bark, no bite."

He chuckles lowly, still leaving patterns across the sensitive flesh of your inner thigh, "And you’re gonna regret having such a smart mouth, sugar."

Without warning, he dips his head down and licks a stripe up your slit, gathering the wetness on his tongue with a sly smile. You groan on impact, naturally, watching his sandy curls scatter across his forehead with his movements.

You almost regretted what you said when he started to prod at your entrance with his tongue, letting his nose do all the work on your clit for him. It felt like a sensory overload; he had always shown his love for pleasuring you but, never to this magnitude.

"Ash, oh fuck—" your words come out choppy, staccato breaths breaking apart each syllable as your free hand flies to grip his hair. He hums into you in reply, the vibration from his baritone voice causing a ripple through his tongue to rip right through your lower half.

You start to writhe above him as his tongue works in tandem with the tip of his nose, all while peering up at you over your silky lace babydoll dress.

"Fuck, baby. F-feels so good," you groan, attempting to keep your eyes from lulling closed. The eye contact between you was far too mesmerizing to pull away from.

Upon hearing your sultry compliment, Ashton begins to move faster. He switches the focus to your sensitive bud, flicking his tongue quickly and causing another wave of pleasure to shoot through your limbs.

His free hand then moves to push up the fabric of your slip, resting his palm flat on your stomach while his mouth moves in circles. Your body lurches forward when he hits a particularly sweet spot, the pleasure almost becoming too much to bear.

You remembered briefly what he had told you about his hand… ‘squeeze when it becomes too much.’

So, you did.

It was too much.

Your heart rate was doubling and it was growing difficult for you to keep the stars away from the backs of your eyelids. You knew you were close to your limit.

But when your grip tightened around his hand—

He didn’t stop.

In fact, he began to move even faster. His eyes shimmered as he peered at you above your hips, watching your jaw fall slack as you’ve now lost any ability to keep your composure.

"Fuck, oh my god. Please—" you beg, mushing into a whining mess, "Ashton, please."

His ears perk up at your exasperated plea, quickly ripping his hand from your grasp and using it to replace his tongue. He pops his head up, upper lip and chin drenched in your juices as he studies you with a pout.

"Can ya’ give me a few more minutes, sugar? Tastes so fuckin’ good…"

As his skilled fingers move in place of his tongue, he makes sure not one moment of your time is unoccupied. He uses his thumb on your clit to draw moans out of the back of your throat; index finger dipping in and out of your entrance.

"B—but… It’s too… too much…" you whimper, interrupted by your own moans betraying you, "M’ so close…"

"Please? I’ll go slow…" Ashton pleads, starting a gentle trail of kisses onto the inside of your thigh, "Not gonna be too much for you, sugar… ‘Said I could do whatever I wanted… Just need a few more minutes t’ taste you, my love."

You open your mouth to reply, but the sound of your voice is replaced by a pitchy moan as he dips that index finger fully inside of you. He curls it upwards and starts that familiar ‘come hither’ motion, creating pressure in your tummy and bringing you to cry.

"O—okay…" you mumble meekly, "F—few more minutes."

Ashton lets out a quiet chuckle at your words; finding the audacity to smile before he’s diving back in to indulge in you. You no longer had control over your shaky limbs, nor any control over the loud expletives tumbling from your lips. The sounds of your wetness boom through your head, as that familiar feeling begins to creep up on you.

"Ashton, baby— gonna’ cum… Gonna’ cum really soon…" You try your hand at warning him; but he was one track minded. He kept his pace, never faltering, using his fingers and tongue in cohesion with one another to send you hurdling towards the finish line.

As he savors his last few tastes of you, he groans in delight. The sounds of his smug satisfaction are just what you need to fully push you to the brink of your orgasm.

"Fuck, Ash! Oh, shit—"

Your pleas were merely encouragement for Ashton. His rhythm continues to pick up speed, climbing and climbing until galaxies were fogging your vision and your legs were tensing up.

"Ashton!"

The final shout of his name had you doubling over in ecstasy, yet his tongue continued on, as did his fingers— you were relishing in the feeling of your orgasm as the butterflies once encaged in your abdomen had set loose and began fluttering throughout your body. He rode you through your high with a final few kitten-licks to your clit, for good measure.

The tension in your shoulders and thighs had finally cracked once his movements came to a slow. Your breathing, heavy and labored, started to readjust to the oxygen levels back down on Earth.

"Ashton… oh— oh my god," you sigh, watching as your boyfriend tenderly starts to massage your jittery legs after he had practically sent you into orbit.

"I know, right?" He smirks confidently at your airy reply, pleased with his ability to ruin you so effortlessly.

You can’t help but giggle, listening to the thunderous beating of your own heart through your chest. He moves to comfort you instantly, kissing your thigh gently before resting his head in its’ place, "Dinner and dessert for Valentine’s Day? What a lucky guy I am…"

"The luckiest, I think," you hum, petting his head with a smile, "We should celebrate holidays like this more often."

Ashton chuckles, reaching up to interlock your fingers before planting a kiss on your knuckles.

"Got time for another round, sugar? President’s Day is right around the corner."

⋆⭒˚｡⋆

#5sos fanfic #ashton irwin smut #ashton irwin fanfic #ashton 5sos #5 seconds of summer #5sos #ashton irwin #soupster requests

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gretavangroupie · 10 months

Text

Vigilance (Chapter 21 Part 2)

Word count: 20.3k

Pairings: Jake x Reader, Jake x OC

Warnings: Alcohol, Cursing, Dramatic Themes. Angst Including: Talks of Infidelity, Toxic Themes, Arguing, Yelling, Extreme Portrayal of Sadness, Crying, Abandonment, Heartbreak, Talks of Illness, Extreme Illness, Fainting, Hospitalization, Hospital Procedures and Protocols, Mentions of IV, Needles, Talks of Death and Dying. Fluff.

This story is a collaboration with my best pal @gretavanmoon.

JAKE POV

A knock at the door caused your eyes to flutter open from the in and out sleep you’d been in all day. The medicine they were giving you, keeping you constantly fighting off sleep. You were breathing better, but still in an incredible amount of pain, and feeling worthless to boot. You turned your head to look at your mom, who was already standing to open the door.

As it swung open you saw Y/N, standing in the door, like your own personal angel. Your eyes widened as they focused in on her; wavy hair and red eyes, her favorite sweatshirt that always smells like her. She was upset, that much was obvious. Well, to you at least.

“Oh sweetie! I am so glad they finally called you!” your mom said, pulling her in for a hug. You watched her wrap her arms around your mom, wishing, praying it could be you instead.

“Jakey, it’s Y/N. Can you sit up?” your mom asks.

You press the button on the remote and the bed sits you up, and you're positive that in your entire life you’d never felt more pathetic, as she watched you come to eye level with her. As your eyes met hers, you could see them tearing up. You hated for her to see you like this, but seeing her is the only thing you’ve wanted since you got here, and you weren’t giving it up for anything.

You looked over to your mom, who was gathering her things with a knowing grin, “I know, I know, I’ll give you two some time. I’ll be downstairs if you need me honey.” she said, walking out and closing the door behind her.

You watched as Y/N pulled a few items out of her bag, and placed them on the counter. It looked like a change of clothes, but it was so far away you couldn’t really tell. You hoped that meant you were getting out of here soon.

She walked over to the side of the bed, sitting on the edge near your feet. “Hi…” her voice rang out like music.

“Hey…” you breathed. “I’ve been asking for you…”

“I know, they wouldn’t let me come up until they got my negative test…” she replies quietly. “You scared me Jake.”

“I know, I know. I was so stupid, I just thought it was a little cold, and that it would just go away, but it didn’t. I was fine, and then… I don’t know, it happened so quick, and then I was here and you were gone…” you stammer.

“I was scared and Sam and Danny were scared, Josh was scared. We had no idea what was going on. The doctors didn’t know what was wrong. I thought you were dying or something and I couldn’t even come see you…” she said, as a single tear slipped from her eye.

“I was scared too. Scared this was it…I think I almost lost a lung last night.” you admit.

“Jake…” she says, another tear falling.

“Don’t cry, please…” you beg, “I’m okay now, I think…I’m feeling a little better.”

She puts her hands over her eyes trying to conceal her tears and sniffles.

“Come here. Come closer to me.” you ask, watching her slowly shift her body closer.

You lay your hand on her thigh, as her eyes meet yours. “I’m sorry you thought you were going to lose me. I promise I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

She nods, and continues to blink away her tears.

“I missed you. All I could think about was you.” you admit.

“Jake, you don’t mean that… You shouldn’t– you should be mad at me, hate me, just two days ago you told m–”

“I know, I remember what I said. I do, and I am mad. But I’ve been laying here, just staring at the ceiling, thinking… of all the things I’d rather be doing than laying here. Wishing you were here…” you say.

“You have…” she questions.

“Yeah. Remember, the other night, you told me all the things you miss about me? Well, I have a list too. I’ve always had a list. I should have told you that night. I really should have, but you’re here now. So now I’m going to tell you, because if I don’t, I think I might burst.” you answer, a smirk crossing your face.

Her eyes search yours, “Jake, no… you need to rest, you shouldn’t even be talking. It can wait…wait until you’re thinking clearly.”

“No. It can’t. Just let me tell you, please.” you ask.

She nods her head as you move your hand higher on her leg, letting your weak hand squeeze into her thigh.

“I miss the way your mouth subconsciously sings along to the songs I’m practicing when it’s late and I’ve been in my study playing all night…songs you’ve learned just from hearing me play them over and over without even a single complaint…I miss laying in bed and arguing over what show to watch, and me finally caving and letting you pick, only for you to fall asleep on my chest five minutes later…the fuckin’ best…” you see a small smile form on her lips, as you continue.

“I miss hearing you hum along to literally any Beatles song in existence while you cook or while you’re cleaning. It’s always the Beatles. You love The Beatles white album the best…I miss your pancakes… god I would kill for those right now…and yeah, I know it hasn’t even been that long, but it feels like years. I hate it…I miss walking around town with you when the weather is pretty, watching you furiously dig around in your purse looking for cash to give to the buskers. I can’t think of one time that you haven’t given money to someone playing music. Always smiling at me and reminding me ‘that was you once’. You’re right, it was, and even then I loved you.” you go on, feeling her hand rest on top of yours.

“I miss how you get road rage so easily, but immediately apologize after you say it. I miss taking you and seeing how you are always so nice to servers at restaurants even if they mess something up, because they ‘might just be having a bad day’…I love how much you love your parents, shit and mine too. I love how much you love the ocean, and that we both find the same tranquility on the water. But I really miss the look on your face when you’re watching us play, and knowing that I wouldn’t even look at you when I played your song the other night....I can’t take that back. But just know, next time it's for you.”

You watch a tear fall down her cheek, as you reach up to swipe it away, pushing her hair over her ear.

“I swear to god I don’t deserve you, Jake.” She mumbled out.

“Shhh, stop with that shit.” You said, your already shaky breath catching in your throat as you notice the glint of the silver necklace around her neck.

You let your hand glide over it, seeing the side of it being held together by a small piece of black tape.

Oh no.

“You found it…” you breathe.

She nods defeatedly. “I know you told me not to wear it anymore, and I know I shouldn’t but… I can’t. I feel naked without it. I have been trying to not wear it around you but I saw it in my bag today and…I don’t know I just needed to.” she admits, too nervous to look at you.

“I shouldn’t have done that.” you confess.

“The chain was broken when I found it on the floor, but when you left for Michigan I tried to fix it. It was so small and I could hardly see what I was doing. I think I cried out of frustration more than anything. I just wanted to fix it. Fix one thing. I eventually found some electrical tape in your desk drawer and decided it would have to make due.” she says.

Oh my god, what did you do?

A new pain had crept into your chest but not from your sickness. She was hurting, you knew that. But you had been cruel. Mean just to be mean. You ripped it off of her neck…

“I’m so sorry.” was all you could manage.

“I deserve everything you’ve said and done.” she whispered standing up and walking away from you to look out the window.

“You think you can bust me out of here?” you ask, trying to lighten the dreadful mood.

She smiled a little, and shook her head. “No, I think you need to stay. Get better. I brought you some clean clothes though..” she said pointing to the counter.

“Thank you, though I am enjoying this hospital gown. Very breathable. Might start wearing them for shows.” you smile.

Finally a genuine smile crossed her lips, the most beautiful thing you’d seen in days.

“Come here.” you asked, reaching your hand toward her.

She sat in the chair next to your bed, and placed her elbows on the edge of the bed.

“Why did you want me to come so bad Jake? Why were you asking for me? We aren’t…I thought…” she asks.

You paused, turning on your side to look at her for just a second before you answered.

“Because…even after everything…You make me feel safe. You feel like home. You are home.”

A knock at the door startles you both, ripping you away from the moment.

Carson comes in with her laptop cart, ready to do her check of your vitals.

“Oh my gosh! You must be the girlfriend! He has been talking about you all night!” she says.

Damn Carson, give me up why don’t you…

“Oh. No… we aren’t together…” she says, letting her face fall.

You immediately grab her hand and lace your fingers with hers giving her hand a tight squeeze.

“Well, he gave us quite the scare last night!” she says, as Y/N stares off into space.

“Wait, Y/N? You… you were in Sam’s class right?” she asks, catching Y/N’s attention.

“Yeah! Yes, sorry!” she says, refocusing on her.

“I know we didn’t talk much but I remember you. You and Sam were best friends! I remember you two watching me kick Jake’s ass on the practice fields.” she laughs, tapping on the monitors to check your levels.

“Oh yeah, I guess I do remember that. It’s nice to see you again.” she smiles, pulling her hand from yours.

“You’re looking good Jake. You’re looking really good. Drastic improvement since my last round. She must be your lucky charm.” she smiles, “You might even get out of here tomorrow if you keep it up.”

“She is.” you smile, looking over at Y/N, who has blushed a deep red.

“I’ll be back tonight. Keep resting!” she says, letting the door close behind her.

You recline the bed back a bit, letting out a deep breath as the pressure dissipates from your chest.

“Maybe you should stay laying down. I want you to rest so you can get out of here like she said.” she says, putting her elbows back on the bed.

“I will… but, I don’t want you to leave yet.” you admit.

“I know, but Josh is here. Do you want to see him?” she asks.

God, Josh…

“Yeah, I need to. But just stay for a few more minutes…please?” you ask.

She nods her head and settles back into the stiff hospital chair, as you turn to your side to face her.

“I do think you’re my lucky charm you know…” you say.

“I guess I just don’t feel very lucky.” she says.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask.

She took a breath and rested her chin in her hands. “I don’t know, it feels like I’m more like your bad luck charm. So much has happened since I’ve been around, I’ve caused you a lot of unnecessary pain, Jake. And I take responsibility for that.”

You thought about that for a minute. It wasn’t completely untrue, she had issued you some heartbreak. But knowing what you know now, about everything that happened in Vegas…your intentions with Elle, you felt pretty shitty. And she didn’t even know the extent of it. It was eating you alive not telling her the truth, especially after everything that just happened. But you couldn’t find the right time, she deserved to learn about that when everyone’s worlds weren’t so hectic from you being in this godforsaken hospital.

“You deserve the world, Jake. And all I’ve done is rip it out from underneath you time and time again. And I’m feeling really horrible about it. Like a really bad human. I’m…working on it. I’m working on myself. I’ve realized some things lately, and I have you to thank for that. I need to grow up a bit, take responsibility for my actions and make better choices.”

She reached and grabbed for your hand, squeezing it tightly as you took in her words. “Listen, I want you and me to work. I want us to really work out. Okay? Do you get what I’m saying? I know we’re not together at this point, but. I want to make myself the person you need again. Someone you deserve to be with. And to make that happen, I know I’ve got some shit to work on. I’ve got some baggage to unload. I’ve got to get my shit together, Jake. For you. And for me. I know it’s going to take a while, and I know you’ve been saying all these sweet things, but I’m aware of my faults that you don’t need to patch up. I’ve got to. They’re my burden. And it’s time for me to learn how to take care of you now.”

Wow, what in the world… who is this woman?

You nodded slowly, unable to form a response. Honestly, how do you respond to that?

“So, I’ve decided since you’re on the mend now and in better than wonderful hands, I’m gonna head back to Nashville since the next few shows are canceled…I hope that last part isn’t news to you…” she said, standing up from the chair.

“Nah, I figured as much. Fucking pisses me off, I hate cancelling shows more than anything. But, why are you leaving? Why are you going back? We’re all here..” you said.

“You don’t need me, Jake. Everyone’s going to go home when you’re better, I don’t need to do my job while you’re home with your family.” She went on.

“Hey listen, Y/N. I know I’ve been so shitty toward you lately. And…I honestly hate myself for it. But I don’t want you to think you’re just an employee to us…did you not, read my text? You are my family, always will be.” You said, sitting up a bit in the bed.

“Go stay at my parents house. Stay in Michigan, please? Don’t leave…” you reached your hand out for her to grab. She glanced at it, taking it slowly in hers. “You’re not my bad luck charm. You’ve brought me some of the greatest gifts I’ve ever known. I don’t want to be without you when I finally break out of here…okay? Please?” She nodded again, wiping a tear from her cheek. You didn’t want to bring up the fact that Andy was still on the loose, too, and she needed to be with people who could protect her, if need be.

“Okay. Okay, I’ll go stay with them, if that’s what you want.” she whispered.

“I do…” you said, giving her a look that said a million words.

Just then there were three knocks on the door, and Josh was peeking his head inside. “Hey guys…”

You felt her squeeze your hand and look to you with excitement. She was overjoyed you finally got to see your brother now.

“I’ll see you later…” she said, pulling away. You squeezed her hand harder.

“Hey, Y/N…” you muttered. She turned back, eyes questioning. “Take care of our family while I’m in here.”

She smiled wide with her eyes. “I promise.”

You watched as she passed Josh on her walk out, taking him in her arms into a big bear hug. “So good to see you up and at ‘em, Joshy! You okay?”

He nodded. “Better than yesterday, will be better tomorrow.” He said, rubbing her arms as she made her way to the door.

“Heyyyyy asshole. How did I end up in here and you didn’t? Not fuckin’ fair…” you said, voice still gravely.

He walked over and took the seat Y/N had just been in, kicking himself back with his hands behind his head. “Guess it’s because I’m the more powerful twin, obviously.”

The two of you laughed and caught up with each other, you only being attacked with a few coughs along the way.

“I’m sorry we had to cancel some shows, it’s my most unfavorite thing on earth.” you admitted.

“I know, mine too. But it’s okay, I know you wouldn’t have made it through. We aren’t mad at you.” He went on before leaning forward on his elbows. “Jake, ahh. You know your road to recovery isn’t gonna be a short one, right? You had a very serious illness, and it’s not just gonna go away overnight.”

“Yeah, I’m aware. What are you getting at?” You answered.

“Well, we were all talking, me Sam and Dan, and Richard and your doctors and everyone…we think maybe we should take some time. Step back and let you heal like you need to.” He said, voice stern.

“NO, Josh. I’m fine. We have like, fifty shows this tour, we can’t start canceling them already. I will be fine, I’m already feeling so much better.” You argued.

“I talked to Jay from Rival Sons, we tried to come up with a solution to even maybe play together, take some of the main effort off of you, but then we all agreed that wouldn’t work either.” He said, grazing his mouth with his hand.

“No, not ‘that wouldn’t work’. I would never agree to that! It’s all or nothing for our shows from now on, remember? And I can give it my all, I promise Josh. I can do it. I can’t let everybody down. You guys, the crew, the fans…god. They’ve all already got tickets and planes and hotels–”

“Jake, listen. It’s already done. Sam, Daniel and I had to make an executive decision. I’m sorry. We’re picking back up in Brazil.”

“Brazil?! That’s in like, over a month! I don’t need that long, Josh! Tell them nevermind. I can be there.”

“Jake, stop. Listen, you’re going to be healing for weeks, you’re going to have debris in your lungs for a long time. You’re still gonna have all these side effects…tiredness, a cough, dizziness, all that. And they said it could come back if you don’t allow yourself time to heal completely. You have to allow yourself that, or else…you could end up worse and we have to cancel the rest of the tour. Okay?” He said. “And I don’t need you worse, I need you better. 100%.”

“I will be, I swear. I’m already getting there. Don’t worry about me…” you spat, feeling aggravated.

“Don’t worry about you?! Really Jake? All I’ve done for the past three days is worry myself sick about you. Hell, I could hardly breathe myself and I wasn’t even half as bad off as you were! Laying in that damn hotel bed not able to leave or call you, no one had answers and no one knew what was wrong with you. Do you know how that felt for me? Telling me not to worry about you, fuck off. You know I feel all your shit, too.” Josh said, bringing his hands in for animation.

“You didn’t need to worry about me, Josh, damn. I’m in a hospital in good hands…they–”

“Yeah no shit! And the doctors didn’t know what was wrong with you for a good bit of time! Sam kept us up on your state, and he didn’t tell me, but I think something really bad happened to you. I can just tell he’s not telling us the whole story. Am I right?” He went on.

You swallowed. Your memory was fuzzy, but yeah…you think something did happen. And Sam was here for it. You stayed quiet, truly unsure how to answer, because you didn’t remember much. So you just nodded.

“I thought so. I was worried sick, Jake. I was so scared you weren’t gonna…no one was telling me anything cause they didn’t want to upset me, make me feel worse…I thought you might not make it back to me.” He said, completely vulnerable.

Shit.

“Brother, you know I wasn’t going anywhere, hell. They were taking good care of me here. You know I’m not going anywhere without you, we’re going out the same way we came in, remember? You shoving me out of the way to get there first…but I’ll be following you close behind.” You said, trying to offer him some solace.

“I know, I know. But you know how your brain works when you’re helpless and sick, it wanders off to scary places. I was trying to communicate mentally with you, begging you to please stay… I just, started thinking how fuckin’ scary that would be, if you weren’t here with me anymore. In my fever dream state it felt real, and it was shit. Okay?” He rambled.

You laughed a little.

“What, asshole?” He barked.

“You really love me, don’t ya Josh?” You teased.

“Of course I love you, you idiot.” He smiled. “Just don’t ever fuckin’ scare me like that again, understood? I’m not dealing with Sam’s shit by myself for the rest of my life.”

You laughed again. “Alright, damn. I promise.”

“Where is Y/N? I figured she’d be back by now…” he asked, looking at the clock on the wall.

You shook your head. “I don’t think she’s coming back tonight, Josh.”

“What? Why?”

You took as deep a breath as you could. Might as well break the news now. “Things with us are…delicate right now. I fucked up. Well, we both fucked up, actually.”

“You’re kidding me. I knew something felt weird. What happened?” He asked.

You nodded your head to the bedside table. “Gimmie my phone.” He did, and you unlocked it, scrolling to the text thread with Elle, “Just read this.”

You watched as he silently scrolled, his eyes growing ten times in size every few seconds as he read. “What the…what the fuck?”

Finally he handed you your phone back. “What the hell, Jake? You were going to sleep with Elle?! When did this happen? Why didn’t I know about this?”

You decided to lay the entire story out for him, beginning to end, detail by detail. He was going to find out the hard way, anyway. What you were left with at the end was his face in utter disbelief.

“God damnit, Jacob. What kind of fuckery…”

“I know. It’s a shitshow. But, things are alright, I guess. I just had to get pneumonia before I could really kick Sam’s ass. But Elle doesn’t know they slept together, so please, let Sam deal with that on his own. We’ve all done a lot of soul searching these past few weeks, I can tell you that.” You told him.

“All this time, you’ve known? And you’ve been okay being around Sam?” He asked.

“Yep. Y/N and I have been lying to all of you. I had to hang it up, put it away for the sake of the band. It’s been fucking terrible.” You relented, feeling a cough coming on.

“I’m fucking furious, Jake. At him, at Y/N…all of you. You and Elle? Really?” He seethed.

You nodded. “I almost did it, Josh. I really did. It almost fucking happened. And Y/N was okay with it. Wild, I know. But then your drunk ass called me to come rescue you.”

“Saved by the bell?” He said.

“Hah, I guess. Fuckin’ always cockblocking me since we were teenagers...” You clicked your tongue. “I never did that shit to you.”

“You never had to, jackass!”

You continued your normal conversation, going on about life and what the fuck you were going to do with it. You told Josh that you told him all of that in confidence, and as mad as he was, he agreed to go along with the act until things went back to normal.

He left, leaving you in your bed to rest a while while he went back down to the lobby. You laid there for a long time, running over everything that had occurred in the past couple of hours. Y/N, telling you she wanted to work on things. Wanted you to work out for real. It gave you a little bit of hope that she didn’t hate you like you thought she would. But still you knew deep down that you both needed time apart. It had to happen, whether you wanted it to or not.

The canceled tour was ripping you apart. You felt the need to apologize to everyone, tell the fans you were so sorry. You decided that when you got home, you would. And you knew exactly how you’d do it.

You grabbed the remote from behind your head and turned on the tiny TV across the room, flipping through the channels to find something, anything to take your mind off of being in here. Carson came in a while later, startling you from a sleep you didn’t realize you were in.

“Hey, hey! Sorry I woke you. Just gonna check some things out. Can you sit up for me?” She said.

You pushed through every ache and pain your body presented you with while you brought yourself to sit, the weight of your lungs still heavy.

She pressed her stethoscope to your chest and back and had you breathe deeply a few times.

“Definitely getting better, you don’t sound nearly as raspy as you did. I’m going to give you your next dose of antibiotics through your IV now. And when you’re all through these next few doses and your levels stay up, we can remove the IV. Sound good?” She said while she recorded your blood pressure. “Then you’ll move to a round of them in pill form.”

“Sounds great. Just lovely.” You said, defeatedly.

“I’m surprised you even found somewhere to put my IV in that hand, busted up as it is.” You said, lifting your right hand and inspecting it.

“Yeah, you were so dehydrated I couldn’t find a vein in your arms at all. Hand to resort to your hand. I noticed it’s been through some things…” she said, noting all your scars.

“Yeah, my other arm has scars from both times I broke it, but these…all these little ones…”

She looked closer, seeing all the little places that shards of glass had ended up that night so long ago at the bar.

“Geez, there are tons. What did you do?” She asked.

“Shattered glass beer bottle. Had a rough time fending off some jackass one night.” You said. “Still hurts sometimes.”

“I’d say it does. I hope you won…” she said, flicking her eyes to you.

“I like to think I did.” You smiled, huffing loudly and readjusting yourself.

“You hate it in here, don’t you?” She asked.

“Eh, I’d rather be on my way to our next show right now, that’s for sure. But thank you for taking care of me. You’ve really been a light during my whole stay here.” You relented, feeling thankful that she ended up as your nurse.

“No problem, Jake. You’ve been an excellent patient. And it was good catching up with an old friend again. I don’t get to do that much.” She said, smiling as she pulled a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Did I really give you a scare last night?” You asked.

She nodded. “Yeah, you did. Your vitals started crashing kinda fast. You weren’t knocking on heaven’s door or anything, but. It could have gone south fast if you weren’t here already.” She clicked a few times on her computer. “We had to call in the respiratory team. You tested my training after we left this room, and your brother's sanity, that’s for sure.”

Damn, Sam must have been just as scared as you were…

You smiled at her sudden nervousness. She leaned over you to fluff your pillow behind you. As she pulled away, your hands brushed together on the bed sheets. She decided not to move it.

Your eyes quickly flitted up to meet hers. “Did you save me, Miss Carson Neely?”

She giggled, shyly looking away. “No, Mr. Jacob Kiszka, me and my team saved you.”

You felt a strange wave of something sweet fly through your body, a new, light, buzzing sensation that your brain hadn’t felt in a long time.

She gathered her things onto the cart and began to walk away. “Just think, only a couple more days in here, and you won’t have to see my face everyday anymore.” She opened the door and began to back out. “And how did you know my Instagram name?” She left, winking secretly as the door clanked shut.

You were left stunned. You quickly grabbed your phone, opening the app and typing in the search box.

misscarsonneely

Follow.

HER POV

As you step out into the lobby you see the family sitting in the same place you left them, although this time they look a lot happier, with smiles on all of their faces. As you approach they wave you over as excitedly as possible.

“Were you up there when they told him?” Karen asks.

“Told him what?” you ask.

“His doctor just came down here and told us that if he continues to improve overnight they will release him tomorrow or the next day!” Karen says.

“Oh gosh. I hope so. I know he is tired of being here.” you reply.

“So I was talking to Kelly, I think we are gonna checkout of the hotel and head home in the morning. I want to wash his sheets and clean up the house some. Oh, and go to the grocery store…” she pauses. “Do you want to ride with us, or?” she asks.

“Oh, um, yeah I can ride with you guys in the morning. I just need to pack up our stuff tonight I guess.” you reply.

“We’re going to head back to the hotel now, do you want to come or stay here?” she asks, placing a hand on your shoulder.

“I drove here, so I will follow you guys.” you answer.

“Me and Sammy and Danny are gonna stay here and wait for Josh, then we will probably head back too.” Elle says, trying to reassure you.

“Okay. Just…text me if anything happens, I guess.” you smile.

She winks at you and you wave bye to Sam and Danny as you follow Karen and Kelly out the doors.

—

Tapping your keycard to the door you step into the hotel room, grateful that you already cleaned up a little bit earlier in the day. You tossed your things onto the dresser and flopped down onto your bed. You grabbed your phone and rolled to your side trying to catch up on all of the calls and texts you’d received in the last few days.

You click on your thread with Karen, confirming plans to leave in the morning, and realize that you need to finish packing everything up. With a groan you roll off the bed and drag yourself over to your suitcase, setting out fresh clothes for tomorrow and collecting the rest of your things.

As you zip your suitcase, you make your way over to his, opening it and beginning to refold everything and trying to organize it better than it currently was. Bringing a couple of his shirts to your face you breathe him in, a smell you miss desperately. A tear pricks at your eye as you remember everything he said today. He misses you too.

Collecting his toiletries you walk them back to his suitcase and place the bag inside. The tiny white bag catches your eye again, and you try to ignore it. Pretend you never saw it. But, you did. You grabbed it, and pulled it out, walking over to the desk and situating yourself in the chair. You slide the ring out of the bag and in an act of pure insanity, slid it onto your finger.

You held your hand out, admiring how perfect it looked on your finger as a hot tear rolled down your cheek. You stare at it, and again wonder if he really was going to propose. When he would have done it. How he would have done it…where did this ring even come from?

You pull yourself up from the desk and continue packing his suitcase, the extra weight on your finger feeling like a thousand pounds. When everything was packed away you walked back over to the desk, giving your hand one last look before sliding the ring off and putting it back in the bag. You tuck it away at the bottom of the suitcase, hoping he would think you never even saw it. But you did. And now you’d never forget.

—

As you slid into bed later that night, you grabbed the TV remote flipping through channels, hoping for something that would take your mind off of him. But instead you found yourself settling on The Food Network, because you know that’s what he would have picked. Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives lights up the screen and you suddenly feel as if you’re back home with Jake.

You grabbed your phone from the nightstand and opened your texts looking for your last message with him. You open the camera and snap a picture of the darkened room, with just the TV as the focus, hoping he will see what you’re watching. You attach the photo to the text and press send.

You

10:44pm: *Attachment*

10:44pm: It’s not the same without you…

You set your phone down on the nightstand, knowing he is probably asleep, or just wont respond. You wouldn’t blame him. You watch for a few minutes as you learn about a Mexican restaurant in El Paso, silently wondering if you’d ever go to El Paso…

Your phone buzzes on the nightstand and you grab it as quickly as you can, hoping it was him.

Jake

10:56pm: *Attachment*

10:56pm: I know…

Tears fill your eyes not only because he did reply, but his response, which included a photo of his view from his hospital bed, where he was watching the exact same thing.

You swiped your hand over your eyes as you replied.

You

10:59pm: Do you think we’ll ever go to El Paso?

Jake

11:00pm: I think we have to now...

You snapped another photo, of his suitcase zipped and ready next to his guitar case as they laid on his bed.

You

11:04pm: *Attachment*

11:04pm: Ready for you to come home.

Jake

11:06pm: Me too baby

Baby? You feel your insides practically melt away reading the simple text again and again.

You

11:10pm: See you soon…

Jake

11:11pm: Not soon enough.

You fall asleep that night with a warm feeling in your chest. Maybe there was hope. You knew you both needed time, and you’d gladly give him that. It was the least you could do. But you knew you would also give him every drop of love you had, and maybe, just maybe that would be enough to help the two of you weather this storm.

JAKE POV

It was late when your eyes shot open, still blurry from the sleep filling them and the dim light of the room. You rolled over on the hard plastic-like pillow, the sheets scratching you as you twisted. You glanced at the clock, 2:20am. Blah. Only a few more hours until they come in to check your vitals and give you more antibiotics. You flipped to your side, hugging the extra pillow they’d given you, when something sitting in the chair caught your eye.

What the hell is that?

You flipped the overhead light on, illuminating the room with a buzzing fluorescent glow.

It’s…a guitar?

You sat up, reaching hard to grab the neck of it, noticing a small note tucked between the strings. You unfolded it, turning it toward the light.

Congratulations on beating bacterial pneumonia!

Thought you’d like to borrow this to get through your last day…

Don’t beat her up too much ;)

-Carson

Holy shit, this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you. You tucked the note onto the table beside you, and laid back down on the bed. You grasped the old acoustic, feeling its weight in your hands sit just right. You positioned your hands just so, and strummed a light chord. My god, the joy you felt. This was probably the longest you’d gone without holding a guitar in your hands since before you were a teenager. You tilted your head back and let out a tiny howl at the sound of it, before tuning it up just a tad.

You had no idea how much you missed it, the feeling of your absolute favorite object in the world in your hands. Your means of communication. Your way to make an honest living. Your tool for storytelling. One of the only things that was constant for the entirety of your life so far. She’d never let you down.

And Carson had given it to you. Well, let you borrow it, at least. You continued playing quietly until the sun was peeking through the curtains, giving the room a dull blue tint. Your fingers were starting to ache from being out of practice for the past few days, but you welcomed the feeling. The true attachment you had with this instrument was unending.

You grabbed your phone, opening Instagram to your direct messages. You found Carson, sending her a quick message.

You: Thank you for the loan, I haven’t been this happy in days

To your surprise, she answered.

Carson: Not a problem at all. How does she play?

You: Perfectly. Could use a new set of strings, though ;)

Carson: Ah, I bet it does. I haven’t picked it up in quite some time. Promise, I’ll get some new ones asap

You: See you soon?

Carson: I’ll be there to sign your discharge papers :)

You locked your phone, letting your mind drift as your fingers grazed the strings again. You closed your eyes, watching as the music floated from your fingertips directly along with the colorful waves behind your eyelids.

Oh, shit…

You grabbed your phone again, sending Josh a quick text.

You:

5:48am: Hey, when you come pick me up later, can you have Sam get you a new thing of acoustic strings and bring them with you? Thanks please don’t forget.

Right as the sun began to hit your face, the warmth making your skin tingle, you began to think about Y/N asleep by herself, probably still worried about you. You thought about everything she’d said, how horribly you’d treated her lately…your heart started to ache. The guilt of not telling her about Elle began pulling at your insides. You were tearing yourself up, you’d waited all your life for her, and right when you both were in a perfect spot, twisted fate came in and ripped it away.

But she had been there all day. All week. By your side. Your fingers began to play a tune you’d never heard before, never played before…light and solemn, but happy at the same time. You memorized it, writing the notes down mentally. This sounds good… You promised yourself that you’d make it work this time. You had to, you didn’t have any other choice. You hoped to god that she intended to stay this time.

You drifted off to sleep still playing that tune, letting the guitar slip from your hands as you slept, dreaming of finally seeing your girl tomorrow.

HER POV

The ride from Saginaw to Frankemuth was short, only half an hour at most, and you spent most of the drive laughing with Kelly and Karen about the funny things your parents got into with them before you were born.

You knew all you could do was laugh, otherwise you’d all cry about how scary things were with Jake. You hadn’t received any updates about Jake since yesterday afternoon before you left the hospital. You hoped that no news was good news, but still, another word of reassurance wouldn’t hurt.

As you pulled into their driveway, Kelly unloaded your bags and brought them up to Jake’s room. You and Karen made a plan for the day of the things you knew you both wanted to get done before you picked up Jake tomorrow, god willing.

You spent most of the day assisting Karen in cleaning up, doing some of Jake’s laundry, and putting fresh sheets on his bed. You two also made a trip to the grocery store, picking up a few of his favorite things.

It was weird being in his house without him, let alone his bedroom surrounded by his things. But you embraced it. You loved him, and all you wanted was for him to come home to you. Even if it was in a different way than before.

Around 5:00 Karen got a call that he would be discharged tomorrow, and to pick him up around noon. The house was filled with happiness and joy, but also, a bit of nervousness as none of you knew what to expect with his recovery.

You helped Karen make a huge batch of chicken noodle soup, and later that night the three of you sat around the table testing the recipe.

“Perfect as always, my love.” Kelly said, grabbing Karen's hand.

You felt a shock shoot through your body. Your mind flashing to a memory of Jake saying those exact words, and sounding the exact same. You wondered if you’d ever hear those words again.

After dinner you excused yourself to bed, ready to take a shower and get a good night's sleep before your long and emotional day tomorrow. You took extra time in the shower, letting the hot water soothe your tired muscles, and relax you enough that you would fall right asleep.

You pulled on your favorite t-shirt and a pair of his old sweatpants and slid into his bed, wishing so badly he was there next to you. You thought of him, alone at the hospital and sighed. You hadn’t heard a word from him all day, so with the rest of the courage you had, you grabbed your phone and sent him a text.

You opened your thread with him, and hit the camera button, snapping a picture of you curled up on his pillow, and hit send.

You

9:47pm: *Attachment*

Jake

9:49pm: My shirt, in my bed? That’s just mean…

You

9:50pm: Clean sheets too. All to myself…

Jake

9:51pm: *Attachment*

9:51pm: This is what they are calling a pillow.

You smile as you open the photo to see Jake, laying on a flattened out piece of cotton wrapped in plastic.

You

9:52pm: Lol, don’t worry, tomorrow you can have all of these to yourself…

9:52pm: *Attachment*

You laugh, sending him a photo of both of the pillows on his bed, looking fluffy and full.

Jake

9:54pm: Then what will you sleep on?

You

9:55pm: I don’t know, one of the pillows on the basement pull out couch.

Jake

9:56pm: No, I can probably share. Just this once…

Jake

9:57pm: What are you doing?

You

9:58pm: Rifling around your room looking for treasures…

Jake

9:59pm: Hmm, want to go on a scavenger hunt?

You

10:00pm: Okay…

Jake

10:01pm: Alright, get out of my bed and walk over to the desk

You

10:02pm: Okay I’m here…

Jake

10:03pm: Okay, open the second drawer from the bottom.

You

10:04pm: Done

Jake

10:03: Okay in the very bottom of the drawer there should be a little brown cardboard box

You

10:05pm: Yes, I see it.

Jake

10:06pm: Look inside.

Pulling the box from the drawer you open it and see it filled with CD’s. You pull one of the jewel cases out and smile. Their very first CD. You grab the next one, different from the first. Flipping through four of five untitled CD’s before getting to one you recognized, Oh, Live from Detroit, I remember that…I think I was there…

You

10:10pm: Wow, is this every single one?

Jake

10:11pm: Yeah, should be. I’m pretty sure some of those are like, the only copies in existence anymore.

You

10:12pm: Is there a CD player in here? I have to listen to these.

Jake

10:13pm: Nope. Ready to see my most favorite treasure?

You

10:15pm: Yes

Jake

10:16pm: Okay, walk over to my dresser

You

10:17pm: Here

Jake

10:18pm: Ok you see all the photos stacked in the corner?

You

10:19pm: Yes

Jake

10:18pm: Okay, ignore those. Instead, look up.

You look up and are met with your reflection in the mirror. You. You are his treasure. You aren’t even sure what to say. You just stare at the screen of your phone as you feel your heart flutter.

Jake

10:20pm: It’s true. You are my most favorite treasure.

You swallow back the lump in your throat and walk back over to the bed, sliding in once again and snuggling up to his pillow.

You

10:22pm: You know you’re mine too, Jake…

He doesn't respond and you figure he probably fell asleep, and you weren’t too far behind him. You place your phone on the nightstand and turn off the lamp, ready to let sleep take you away when you hear it buzz again.

Jake

11:01pm: Remember when we used to sneak out of my window and sit on the roof and smoke so my parents wouldn’t know?

You

11:03pm: Lol yes and I was always afraid we were going to get too high and fall off.

Jake

11:05pm: You know I’d never let anything happen to you.

You

11:07pm: I know…

Jake

11:09pm: Wish we could go back.

You

11:07pm: There’s a lot of things I wish I could go back and redo.

Jake

11:11pm: All part of the journey babe, good or bad.

You

11:13pm: More bad than good…

Jake

11:14pm: And I’m still here…

You

11:16pm: But it’s not the same.

Jake

11:18pm: Not yet.

You

11:20pm: But maybe?

Jake

11:21pm: Definitely maybe

You

11:23pm: Then maybe I can make you pancakes and sing Sam Cooke with you?

Jake

11:25pm: God I fuckin’ hope so baby.

You

11:27pm: Me too.

Jake

11:30pm: Enjoy that bed to yourself while you can…

You

11:31pm: Like it better when you’re here.

Jake

11:32pm: Me too. Goodnight babe

You

11:33pm: Night Jake ❤️

You placed your phone on the nightstand, hugging his pillow tightly to your chest, letting out a breath it felt like you'd been holding in for weeks. And as you fell asleep, you let yourself believe that things might actually be okay.

—

You tapped your fingers nervously on the arm of the couch, you were ready to go, and you had been for nearly two hours. The clock ticking by slower than it ever has. The hospital called again this morning to confirm Jake’s discharge, and Josh was planning to meet you there and ride back with the three of you.

“You ready to go get your man?” Karen asked jokingly.

You laughed nervously, “Yeah, I think he did his time.” you replied as you followed her out the door.

The ride to the hospital was nervous but hopeful, you and Karen chatting about the weather and anything else you could think of, but the closer you got the more the nerves set in. Things between you and Jake had taken a drastic turn in the past two days, talking more than you had in the past few weeks.

As you stepped into the hospital and made your way to the elevator, Josh greeted you with hugs and ‘hellos’.

“Have you been waiting long?” you asked.

“No, not really, had to come up here earlier actually, Jake needed guitar strings? I don’t know. I didn’t ask, came and brought them up and they were getting ready to start his discharge. Checked out of my hotel room and just got here a few minutes ago.” he said.

Guitar strings?

The three of you rode the elevator up to the fourth floor and you took a deep breath as Josh knocked on his door.

Seconds later the door was opening, and for the first time in days you saw Jake behind it.

“Wow, honey you are looking better!” Karen said, pulling him in for a hug. As he hugged her back his eyes met yours, looking much more lively than just a day ago.

“You ready to get the fuck out of here?” Josh joked.

“Hell yes, what took you guys so long?” he laughed.

With Karen and Josh looking to you now, you stepped forward towards him as he reached his arms out to you. He wrapped his arms tightly around you like it was the only thing tethering him to earth. His face buried into your neck breathing you in as he pressed a kiss to your cheek.

“God, I am so glad to see you.” he said. Part of you wondering if he meant it or if this was part of his act.

He pulled away quickly as a cough shook through his chest, not nearly as bad as it was, but still not great.

“Alright alright, let's get you home and back into bed. You’re not healed yet, son.” Karen said playfully.

He nodded and grabbed his few items, before stepping through the door and grabbing your hand in his.

“Hey, thanks for the serenade all night, that’s a story I’ll be able to tell my grandkids one day.” The guy at the nurses station said, saluting Jake as you left.

“Tell them you listened to me write a new song in a hospital bed!” he responded.

“Did you really write something new?” Josh asked, leaning in close.

“Sure did. It’s pretty sweet…think you’ll like it, too.” he said, looking over to you, his sweet grin filling your stomach with butterflies as he squeezed your hand.

You were completely unaware that the emotions he came to terms with while laying in that bed inspired something beautiful and brand new.

The two of you walked hand in hand to the elevator, taking the short ride down to the lobby with Karen and Josh.

As you loaded into the car Josh joined Karen up front and Jake sat in the back with you. Each of you sat on your respective sides of the car, casting glances at each other every few seconds. You could hardly tear your eyes away from him, dressed in your most favorite item in the world. You wondered if he really meant it all those days ago when he said it wasn't his favorite. That he was going to donate it. You hoped he wouldn’t, and thankfully he didn’t.

He talked to Karen and Josh most of the drive home, but still he would look at you, the color back in his face and a small smile on his lips.

He stretched his arm over the headrests, letting his hand fall at the nape of your neck. His fingers gently dusting the skin there as he continued to talk. Your mind began swirling with the memory of the last time you felt his touch this way. So soft and gentle. You looked over at him meeting his eyes as his thumb pressed into your skin letting you know he was thinking the same things you were.

Minutes later you were pulling into the driveway and making your way up to the front door. Sam and Elle had arrived while you were gone and were happy to see Jake in better condition. You ushered Jake upstairs, knowing he still needed tons of rest and that it was almost time for his next dose of antibiotics. He agreed, slowly making his way upstairs to his bedroom as you followed behind him.

JAKE POV

She shuts the door behind her and leans against it as you walk over to your suitcase, laying open on the floor. You pick up a t-shirt noticing its soft texture and folded state. You pull it to your nose breathing in the scent and feeling your body physically relax.

“Did you wash my clothes?” You ask, looking over to her still leaning against the door.

Her eyes flick up to yours nervously, “Oh, um yes.”

You bring the shirt to your nose again breathing it in. Smells just like her.

“How does it– it smells just like you?” you question.

“Your mom and I went to the store yesterday. I picked up the laundry soap we use at home, thought it might…I don’t know, make you feel better or something.” she answers.

You stand up from your suitcase, throwing the shirt over your shoulder and walking over to her. You grab her hands and pull her into your arms, wrapping them tightly around her. Her arms snake around your back, her hands gripping into you as the two of you stand there breathing each other in.

“Thank you.” you whisper.

“You’re welcome…” she replies.

You release her, stepping back and just looking at her. Really looking at her. You can tell she is nervous. After the way you’d treated her the last few weeks, you’d be nervous around you too.

You pull off the flannel and toss it into the suitcase, pulling the black t-shirt over your head and pulling on the one you’d grabbed from your suitcase. You kicked off your jeans and threw your phone onto the bed, as she turned away.

You sat down on the edge of the bed, as you turned your attention back to her. “Hey, c’mere…”

She walked over to you, as her phone buzzed in her back pocket. She pulled it out, and looked at the screen before her eyes flashed to you.

“Time for your meds…” she said.

“Oh, are you my nurse?” you asked playfully.

“For now, though I am probably not as qualified as Carson.” she laughed.

Shit. Did she know?

“Your mom and I made chicken noodle soup for you yesterday. Do you want some? Then you can take your medicine?” she asks.

“You made it?” you ask.

“Well, yeah. Me and your mom. It’s your moms recipe, I just helped.” she admits.

A smile crosses your face, “Yes. Please.”

“Okay, stay here. I will be back in a few.” she says, disappearing through the door.

Just ask her when she comes back. It’s just Y/N. Why are you so nervous?

A few minutes later as you’re laid back on your pillows your bedroom door opens and you see Y/N and Elle carrying in all kinds of things.

“Brought you lunch! And snacks! Heard they were starving you in there!” Elle says.

“I think prison food would have tasted better.” you laugh.

“Well this should be good, especially if Y/N made it.” she smiles.

“I just helped! I swear I didn’t do anything special!” she interjects.

“Sure you did. You made it for Jake right?” she asks.

A puzzled look crosses Y/N’s face, “Yeah?”

“So it was made with love. That makes everything special.” she says, scampering back through the bedroom door, shutting it behind her.

Y/N places the bowl of soup, crackers, and water for you at your desk, motioning for you to come over. You stand up from the bed and walk over, mouth already watering just from the smell alone. You sit down and turn to her, as she places the two white pills in your hand.

“I will be downstairs if you…need anything. You can just text me or whoever…” she says, backing up towards the door.

“You’re leaving?” you ask.

“Well, I figur–”

“You figured wrong. Stay…Hang out with me for a little bit?” you ask.

“Are you…sure?” she asks.

“Find a movie for us to watch?” you offer.

A smile slides across her face and she tries to stifle it back. She kicks off her shoes and grabs some clothes from her suitcase, running off to the bathroom to change. Minutes later she is walking back into your room in a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. You swallow nervously as you take her in. Your favorite girl.

She grabs the TV remote, climbing into your bed and nestling herself into the blankets. You have a hard time keeping the smile from your own face, knowing it would be mere minutes until you were there next to her.

—

You were nervous to crawl into bed with her, but you knew once you were there everything would fall into place. It always did. You slid into the bed, pulling the familiar blankets up over your body, as she hit play on the movie.

You rolled to your side looking up at her, deeply invested in the movie starting on the tiny screen across the room. You had no idea what movie she picked and honestly you didn’t care. The medicine you had to take made it hard for you to keep your eyes open for longer than five minutes at a time. It had been too long since you were able to just relax with her. Not a care in the world, just you and her and that's it.

“You want this, or do I get to use it?” she smiles, offering you the pillow behind her.

You smiled back, “You can use it, but I have the freedom to change my mind at any moment.” you say playfully. She lays down into it, closing her eyes as she breathes you in. Her eyes reopen and look at you as her hand suddenly comes up towards your face.

Her fingers gently glide over your top lip, “I kind of like the mustache Jake. It’s…I don’t know…It’s hot.”

“I couldn’t shave in the hospital, been a few days. You like it?” you ask.

Her fingers run over it again, lingering for an extra second, “Yeah. I do. Maybe you should try it out.” she smiles.

“I don’t know, maybe.” you reply, rolling to your back.

A cough rips through your chest as you turn away from her, but you feel her hand press to your chest, warm and soft even through your thin t-shirt.

You roll back with a sigh, wondering how long this cough will stick around.

“You know, I kind of feel like this is partly my fault.” she said resting her face on her arm.

“What? No? Why?” you question.

“The other day, in the hotel room, you were kind of out of it, coughing here and there, kept getting headaches…I asked you if you were sick and you said no, but I knew you were. I should have made you go to the doctor sooner.” she says quietly.

You roll towards her, letting your feet graze against hers, “I shouldn’t have pretended that I was okay. Just, with everything that was going on, I couldn’t deal with that too. It caught up with me though. I was stupid for thinking it wouldn’t.”

“Thank you, for taking me to the hospital though… I…am glad you were there, in the room with me. I’m glad I didn’t move you to your own room.” you admit.

Her foot slides against your leg, sending a shiver through your body, “I did. I changed all the rest of our hotel bookings for the rest of the tour. I got my own room so you didn’t have to be near me.”

“Why?” you ask, unsure you even wanted to hear the answer.

“Because you’ve spent the past two weeks showing me that’s exactly what you wanted.” she says, driving a dagger straight through your heart.

You grab her arm pulling her to lay on your chest as you wrap your arms around her. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know I was mean. I didn’t want to be, I was just…hurting. I shouldn’t have said those things. They aren’t even true.”

“No, I deserved it. I still do.” she says, cheek to your chest.

“Will you just, lay here with me?” you ask, into her hair.

“Am I allowed to touch you?” she whispers.

“Of course you can touch me, baby.” you answer, completely shocked that she thinks she needs to ask.

Her hand snakes up under your shirt, resting on your chest. You can tell by her urgency that she had probably been thinking about it for a long time. You knew laying with you like this was one of her favorite things in the world. Her fingers rubbed small paths over your skin, almost like she was re-familiarizing herself with your body. You missed the way her skin felt on yours, and if it was up to you, you wouldn’t move from this spot for the next three days.

It was quiet between the two of you for a while, just the gentle rise and fall of your hand on her shoulder as she breathed. The movie continued to play across the room, but neither of you were watching it. You knew that both of you had fallen into a deep spiral of what exactly had happened between the two of you that you’d ended up here, together, but not at all.

—

The two of you later found yourselves seated around the kitchen table as your mom finished cleaning up dinner, finding that the extra long nap earlier had you waking up feeling even better than you had this morning. Part of you wondered if it was because Y/N was wrapped around you, or maybe just the new medicine you’d been given. Either way, you were starting to get into better spirits, even given your current situation.

“Our flight is leaving tomorrow, Daniel’s too.” Sam said, leaning back in the old wooden kitchen chair.

“Sammy do not lean in my chairs, the rules have not changed!” your mom yelled from across the kitchen.

You lifted your middle finger, flipping him off with a shit eating smile as he rolled his eyes and sat back down. He scoffed and flipped you off with both hands cutting his eyes at you.

“Samuel Francis!” your mom yelled, peeking her head around the corner seeing Sam with two middle fingers in the air.

“No! That was to Jake, not to you!” he said, trying to explain. You let a small laugh leave your chest as you watched him get scolded.

“Don’t let me see that again…” she said pointing at him and returning to the kitchen.

“Fuck you Jake…” he muttered under his breath.

“No, fuck you, Sam.” you replied with a grin.

“Annnnyways….I’m probably gonna stay here with Jake, someone has to drive his ass home, and I’m not making Y/N do it.” Josh says.

“What! I can do it!” she interjects.

“I know you can, but I need you to watch him while I’m driving. I can't be chauffeur and nurse.” he laughs.

“When do you think you’ll be ready to head back?” he asks.

“Probably, like…another day or so? I am feeling way better. I could probably drive, honestly.” you say but are met with a resounding ‘No’ from everyone seated around the table.

“Jake, you can barely keep your eyes open.” she smiles.

“Okay, so tentatively the day after tomorrow…”Josh says.

“Yeah, I think so. Y/N?” you ask.

“Yeah, whatever you guys want.” she answers, as you slide your hand to rest on her leg. You feel her hand grab yours and give it a tight squeeze before she stands up and walks into the kitchen.

Sam and Elle follow after her, leaving you and Josh to sit at the table.

“I think I would kill a man for a beer.” you say.

He laughs, and pats you on the shoulder, “Damn, you are feeling better, huh?”

You nod and send him a smile.

“I’m glad. Was scared there for a minute.” he admits.

“You can’t get rid of me, fucker…” you laugh.

Y/N walks back in with a glass of water and another handful of pills, handing you both, as she watches you take them.

“Gonna go take a shower, don’t stay down here too long or I’m starting the next episode without you.” she says, with a smirk.

“I’ll be up in a bit.” you say, squeezing her hand as she walked away and disappeared up the stairs.

“So, are you two like…good now?” he asks.

“I mean, no. I haven’t even told her about Elle yet. Gonna wait until we get home. I just… I spent the last two weeks being a complete dick to her. Hated her, or– what she did to me. Said some really fucked up shit to her, then I found out what happened with me and Elle, and knew I fucked up. Knew I overreacted. That morning I was going to try to start being nice to her again, but then, next thing I knew I was in the fucking hospital. I spent the entire time I was in the hospital thinking about her. I fucking love her man, that shit doesn’t just go away. As much as I wanted to hate her and never talk to her again, when that alert thing started going off and I couldn’t breathe…when I thought I was about to fuckin’ die… It was her. I know it’s always going to be her.” you pause as he nods his head.

“So I wake up and she's in my hospital room and she’s just… god, I don’t even know. Just so attentive and wants to listen to me, and be there with me. How could I not want to forgive her? I put her through hell, and I know, she’s no angel, but even after all the shit I said to her, she still came. I know I hurt her, but I know she still loves me too.” you finish.

“She does Jake. But what her and Sam did is a far worse offense than what you and Elle did.” he says.

“I know. I know that, but…I feel just as guilty. I was planning to do the same thing. I just…how can I stay mad at her when she all but gave me free reign. The only difference is that I didn’t give her permission.” you say.

“Would you have given it?” he asks.

“No? I don’t know? Maybe? That whole night is a fucking blur, I barely, barely remember it. It was like a movie, man. Wild shit and bad decisions happening everywhere. Way too much alcohol. We were having fun, we all felt really free, I guess. One of those once in a lifetime nights, ya know? Do you know that I came and slept in your room that night?” you ask.

“What? No.” he replies.

“Yeah, after I told her we were done, I left the room. I didn’t know where to go, so I slept on the couch in your room. Left before you got up. Tried to talk to her again, went pretty fucking poorly, so I went to the bar and drank myself stupid.” you confess.

“I just feel like…I got really lucky that she was in the room with me the other night. I don’t know what would have happened if she wasn’t. I got a second chance, you know? So why shouldn’t I give her one, too?” you finish.

“That’s your call brother. I know she loves you. I know you love her. But sometimes things aren’t that cut and dry. I know you’ll make the right call though. You always do. I’m glad you are feeling better and I’m glad you told me about everything. You know I will help you any way I can.” he says, standing up from the table.

“I realized while I was in the hospital that I don’t tell you guys that I love you, nearly enough. You know I’m not an emotional kind of guy, but… I do, love you.”

A smile crosses his face at your confession, “I love you too Jakey. And for the record you might be the most emotional guy I know.”

You smile and pat his back as you walk away up the stairs, trying to keep your heart rate down and avoid a coughing fit. You twist the door knob, and as you step inside you see Y/N squatting down in front of her suitcase looking for her pajamas, her towel twisted on top of her head.

You’d missed seeing her like this. Sure you’ve been with her nearly every night in the hotel room, but something about being here was different. You pulled your shirt over your head and tied your hair up at the base of your neck, letting your sweats fall to the floor before sliding into your bed with a groan. Your body was sore from all the coughing you’d done the past few days, and your muscles were extremely tight as a result.

Y/N flipped the towel off of her head, dragging her brush through it, and tossing it back into her suitcase. She had on her normal pajamas of an oversized t-shirt and panties, though she’d been opting for shorts as well more recently. You were interested to see what she would choose tonight.

She looked over her shoulder as you watched her make the decision, and as she shut her suitcase you couldn’t help the smile on your face. She turned off the overhead light, leaving the room lit by the TV, as she crawled over you into the bed.

“You gonna turn it on?” she asks, positioning herself under the blankets.

“What?” you ask.

“Our show?” she answers, so normally.

“Do you want me to?” you ask.

“Well yeah. Don’t you want to know what's going to happen to the cigarette smoking man?” she asks.

You turn to her and pull her into your side, letting her cuddle up to you in her favorite spot as you hit play on the remote.

About halfway through the episode you feel your eyes starting to get heavy, thanks to that damn medicine. You have been lazily running your fingers through her still damp hair, and halfway paying attention to the show on the screen as you just enjoy the feeling of her draped over your body.

Your phone buzzes on the nightstand causing both of you to turn your heads. You reach over and grab it, pulling it out in front of you to see who it is. You and Y/N both squint at the brightness of your screen as you quickly turn it down.

You click on the notification letting it open your Instagram DM’s and seeing Carson's name appear at the top.

Carson:You changed my strings? You didn’t have to do that! You’re a sweetheart. 💕

Your heart starts to race as you quickly lock your screen and place the phone back on your nightstand, hoping she didn’t see.

“So that’s why you needed strings…” she says, laying her head back down on your chest.

“Just trying to be nice. She practically saved my life you know…” you say, hoping to play it off.

A few minutes pass and it's silent between the two of you. You swallow nervously as you grab the remote and pause the show, before turning off the TV. She turns to look at you, resting her chin on your chest.

You turn onto your side, letting her fall beneath you, as you cup her face in your hand.

“For three days that woman had to listen to me ask for you. Beg, really. Were we good friends in highschool, yeah, sure. But I haven’t talked to her since graduation. She did something nice for me, so I did something nice for her. If anyone knows how I feel about you, it’s her.” you say.

“How do you feel?” she asks.

“I’ll tell you the same thing I told Josh. When I was scared to death, thought I was about to die, your face was all I could see.” you reply.

“Really?” she breathes.

You lay your face onto hers, letting her lips lay against your cheek, as you force yourself not to show her exactly how you feel. “Yeah, baby.” you whisper.

“You wanna go to sleep?” you ask.

“Will you hold me?” she asks, the tone in her voice nervous that you might say no.

You roll her to her side and pull her into your chest, letting your head settle into your pillow as you twist your fingers with hers. It feels so, so good to be with her like this. Your missing piece.

You breathe in deeply and let it go, finally feeling the weight lift from your chest as you let your eyes close. Suddenly you feel her turning in your arms, her face centimeters from hers.

“Hey Jake?” she whispers.

You open your eyes and see her looking back at you, “Yeah?”

“It’d be you, too.” she says.

You send her a puzzled look.

“If I was dying. It would be you, for me. It always has been.” she breathes.

You grab her face with your right hand, cupping her cheek as you press your lips to hers in the kiss that has been dancing between the two of you all day. Her lips are soft and full, and warm, and everything you thought about for the past two weeks without her. Her hand snakes up your bare chest, resting on your neck as she kisses you back; her lips like velvet as they move against your own.

After a minute you force yourself to pull away from her, just looking into her eyes for a few seconds, before you pull her body back into yours and lay down on your pillow. Though this time you are holding her closer, and holding her tighter, knowing you can’t let her go again. Not ever.

“Goodnight, love.” you whisper softly into her ear.

She rolls her neck to the side, letting you place one soft barely there kiss to her skin as she whispers back to you in her perfectly sleepy voice, “Goodnight, babe.”

HER POV

Evening was drawing near again; you’d spent almost the entire day at your parents’, soaking in the hours you had with them and explaining everything that had been happening the past few days. They were devastated to hear about Jake’s health and the cancellation of the next shows, but they agreed it was in his best interest.

After dinner and more sweet goodbyes, you told them you were off to play nurse again, and you’d call them when you got back to Nashville.

You crept back into Jake’s house, the smell of leftover dinner aroma filling your nose. It seemed though mostly everyone had gone to bed, until you heard laughing outside on the back porch.

You waltzed to the sliding door, peeking through the blinds and found Jake and Josh sitting and talking, bundled up with jackets and scarves.

You slowly opened the sliding door, and poked your head out. “What are you two doing? It’s freezing out here!”

“No it’s not, Y/N, you’ve just gotten accustomed to the warmth of Tennessee.” Josh laughed. Normally you would find them out here having a beer or sharing a joint, but both of those things weren’t allowed in the house for quite a bit yet.

“Yeah. Both our doctors told us fresh air would do us some good, so here we are…” Jake said. “I’ll be in in a minute, though.”

“Take your time, get all the fresh air you can! I need you both well.” You closed the door quickly behind you, stopping the brisk air from entering the house. You wondered if Jake had told Josh about anything, and you wondered how he was going to react when he finally did. You weren’t looking forward to that.

You’d been cuddled up in Jake’s bed reading a book when you heard his door squeak open. You turned sleepily to find him pulling off his scarf, hat, coat, and all the layers he had bundled up in.

“Hey, whatcha been doing today?” You asked.

When he was down to his boxers, he climbed in bed beside you, pushing his chilled body against yours. “Missing the hell out of you, that’s what I’ve been doing.”

“God, Jake! You’re so cold, quit!” You laughed and pulled away as he placed his cold hands on your stomach.

“But I need you to warm me up!” He complained as he grabbed you again, pulling you closer. His freezing cold face was buried in your neck, his hot breath a contrast to the frozen nose pressed into your ear. You felt your whole body tingle, feeling him this close again. Mmm, slow down Jake. But also please don’t…

You let your body roll over against his, sucking up the fact that he was almost frozen solid and giving you chill bumps. “Ahh, that’s better…” he said as he shivered into you, letting out a low growl as he thawed out. Your lips traveled on their own, slipping down the curve of his cold neck, laying tiny kisses as you trailed down to his shoulder, your body begging you to keep taking it further.

But you couldn’t. You had to go slow, keep your feelings at bay. You weren’t together…but then you saw his deep brown eyes flick up to yours, his eyelids heavy already. His hand grabbed the back of your neck softly, pulling you to meet face to face. Your lips fought to reach out to his, connecting again like they had last night.

“We shouldn’t be doing this…” he whispered.

“No, we shouldn’t.” You answered, as he pulled your neck again, letting you stop just millimeters from his lips. You let your tongue sneak out, brushing it into his mouth before pressing your lips to his in a flurry of hitched breaths and grabbing hands. His kiss was hurried and hot, pulling you over on top of him. His hands buried in your hair, and yours cupping his head. It was fast and frantic, like you’d been starved for one another for years upon years. Finally, so perfect. Your Jake…

…but wait. Suddenly you pulled away, disconnecting the two of you as you wiped your lips off with your hand. You shook your head quickly from side to side. “This isn’t right Jake. We can’t…” you laid back down beside him.

“Fuck you’re right. You’re right you’re right. We can’t. I’m sorry, I just–”

You leaned in and kissed him again, the pull to him overtaking your entire mind, body and soul. He kissed you back, this time slow and sweet, the kind that set your insides on fire. You couldn’t help the whimper that escaped your lips at the overwhelming feeling of passionate want for him swimming through your body.

“Mmm, gotta stop making those noises baby, driving me crazy already…” he whispered between deep, engulfing kisses. “We can’t be doing these things…breaking our own rules…”

You rolled him so you were on your back, him hovering over you. His hand instinctively reached down and pulled your leg over his, hitching it and burying his hand in your hip.

“Truly not the best idea…we should really stop while we’re ahead…” you breathed into him, tongues searching into each other’s mouths again. “But we never came up with any rules though, did we?” You stated more than asked.

“Mm, nope. We should have laid some down.” He said, gritting his teeth together, flexing his jaw and moving his eyes from your lips down to your breasts. “What’s rule number one, baby? Tell me what we can’t do…” he said, kissing you hard again.

Your mind was swirling, fighting between wanting to say fuck it and sleep with him, and deciding that you needed to stop. Truly stop. And show yourselves that you could do it. It was time to grow up…but god…his hands on you…

“Rule number one is no kissing.” You said as he brushed his hand down your neck, pulling your tit into his hand and squeezing it, the touch alone making you want to moan obscenities. He pulled his mouth away from yours.

“Okay, no kissing. Got it.” He breathed, chest heaving.

“Rule number two, no touching, like that…” he firmly gripped your tit again, pulling and twisting your nipple just the way you fuckin liked.

“Okay, no touching like that. And three?” He asked, body buzzing.

“Rule three is… I still get to tell you I love you every single day, how much I care for you, and how sorry I am that I hurt you so badly. How much I want to make this work. And how much I want you to be the person I wake up next to every single morning for the rest of my life.” You spit the words out before you could think about them, and they took him by a little bit of surprise.

He sat back, admiring you. A small smile crept to his lips as he brought his lips to your forehead, kissing it hard. He nodded. “Okay. Okay baby.”

You let yourselves calm down, settling into a state of relaxation again after getting so worked up.

“So, you never said no sex, though. So we can still do that, right? Just no kissing or touching?” He said after a few minutes. You rolled up and smacked him across the chest.

“Jacob!” You laughed.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Lay back down. Go to sleep.”

“Gonna be hard to go to sleep after feeling you like that again…” you said, laughing.

“No shit, I already wanna break those rules so fuckin’ bad.” He laughed too, both of you realizing how much you turned each other on.

“Jake, I wanna tell you something.” You sat up on your elbows. “We both know we’ve got to give each other time, right? We owe it to each other.” He nodded.

“I talked to Logan, and he and a couple friends have a big house, and they’re looking for one more roommate. I told him that I’d take the room. I think it would be best for us, right now. So we can truly have our space away from each other.” You went on. You watched his face fall. “Things feel okay right now, but let’s be honest Jake, I hurt the hell out of you. And I still harbor that guilt. I’ve got to have my time, and I have to give you yours.”

He sighed deeply. You could tell by the look on his face that he didn’t like the idea, but he understood where you were coming from. You thought back to how horribly he talked to you just a week ago, how awful things were…you didn’t want to end up there again.

“Can we talk more about it tomorrow?” He asked. You could tell his meds were kicking into overdrive.

“Yeah, babe. Tomorrow.”

You both ended up cuddling again, each of you falling asleep with the love of your life. And you promised yourself right there that you’d spend everyday proving it to him.

——

The next morning you woke up early to head back home, Jake finally having more strength than he had all week. It was good seeing color in his face again and you knew he was anxious to get back to Tennessee.

You made your home in the backseat while Josh hopped into the drivers seat, and Jake manned the copilot seat. You’d made yourself a little bed in the back, ready to curl up with your book.

You’d been on the road maybe an hour or so when you got a text from Jake.

Jake

9:12am: Please don’t move out

You

9:13am: Jake, you know we need our space right now

Jake

9:15am: Yes, we do. So I’ll just go to the guest room. You can have our bedroom again. Just… please stay. Don’t go away.

You looked out the window at the passing trees, knowing in your heart that you truly didn’t want to move out. But could you make it work? Moving away from him seemed like a good idea, but also, what if it wasn’t? What if it drove you even further apart? What if so much time passed, that you never ended up coming back?

You

9:20am: Okay. One condition.

Jake

9:21am: Tell me

You

9:22am: The guest room is mine.

——

A while later, you’d made it to somewhere deep in Kentucky when you felt your stomach rumble.

“Do you guys wanna stop for food soon? I’m starving.” You said, closing your book.

“Hell yes I’m starving too.” Josh said, bringing up his GPS. “Jake, you’ve had nothing but jell-o and hard boiled eggs for 4 days, you pick where we go.”

“Do you guys really wanna know what I want?” Jake went on. “You can’t say no…”

Josh nodded. “Yeah okay I guess…”

“I want fuckin’ Dairy Queen. Chicken strips, and honey mustard, and french fries, and a giant turtle blizzard.” He said, making weird mouth sounds as he talked. “My mouth is literally watering right now. All I could think about in that damn hospital bed was fucking up a blizzard bigger than my face.”

You and Josh erupted with laughter. “Of all the places in the world, and you want Dairy Queen?” He laughed at his twin.

“What do you have against the Queen of Dairy, Josh?” Jake said blankly, his British accent coming back full force. “Shit’s delicious and that’s where I want to go, got it, damn it?”

You were laughing hard now. “I love Dairy Queen. Sounds good to me babe.”

Josh raised his eyebrows. “Oooookay then, find the closest one.”

——

Jake was still eating his ice cream on the walk back to the car, a giant smile planted across his face as his red spoon hung from his lips.

“I’m gonna sit in the back with you. I’m getting tired.” He said, going around to the back door of the car.

“Meds kicking in already?” You asked.

“Yep. Big time. Plus I know if I lay down in your lap you’ll play with my hair.” He said, raising his eyebrows in question.

“I don’t remember making that deal, now.” You answered, knowing that yes, you would play with his hair if he laid in your lap.

Josh started the car up again and rerouted the GPS. “Josh, I didn’t even see if you needed a break, want me to drive any?” You asked.

“No no, you coddle him. I’m good to go. Had me my strawberry sundae so I’m ready for the next 200 miles, baby.” He said, placing his sunglasses over his eyes and pulling out of the lot.

Jake finished his oversized blizzard and put the cup in the door, curling his legs up underneath him as he laid his head onto your lap. He then fished around behind him for your hand that was once again holding your book, grabbed it, and threw it on his own head. “Pleeease?” He whined.

You giggled, knowing he wanted you to play with his hair. So you obliged, holding your book in your left hand and pulling through his long silky strands with your right.

You didn’t even notice him on his phone at first, but your eyes inadvertently popped down to his screen below your book. You saw the name Carson, and immediately your stomach fell. They’re still talking? What could they be messaging about? But you couldn’t say a word. It wasn’t your place.

“Ya know Jake, with your peach fuzz mustache growing in and your hair getting longer by the day, you might actually turn into a pirate by the time we get back home.” You laughed.

“Mmm, you’d like that wouldn’t you?” He said flirtatiously look up at you.

“Uggghhhhhh…gross.” Josh said from the front. “Don’t make me turn the music up louder cause I will.”

“I’m thinking about cutting it. I miss how bouncy it was. Now it just sticks to my face when I sweat. I hate pulling it off my neck during shows.” Jake went on, his voice getting sleepier.

“But that’s what they love, Jake. Haven’t you seen all those crazy people on your TikTac or whatever that things called? Wanting to collect your sweat in fucking vials and shit?” Josh yelled.

“Oh my God, Josh!” You laughed hard.

“What? I can’t help it that I’m a super fuckin’ sexbeast on stage! It’s not my fault…” Jake laughed, obviously feeling himself from the medication and overload of sugar.

“My god, you two are insane. And don’t call yourself a ‘sexbeast’ ever again.” You mumbled, going back to your book. You rode on for a little bit, feeling a bit drowsy yourself. Your eyes kept flitting open and closed while the words began to jumble.

Suddenly you saw a finger flick down onto your page. “Ya like it so far?” Jake asked through a yawn.

You smiled. “Yeah, I’m really into it. I hope you don’t mind I borrowed it…” you said, realizing you never asked.

“What’s mine is yours, babe. And that is one of my favorites.” He said, tucking his hand between your thighs, and curling up on your lap again, letting himself drift off into a much needed slumber. You traced the plains and curves of his face with your fingers, letting them drag over his eyebrows and down the slope of his nose. Even in his sleep he would whine at the pleasant feeling, leaning into your touch. You loved him. More now than ever before. The thought of losing him, showing you everything you already knew, in a whole new light.

An hour or so passed and you somehow manage to stay awake, the upbeat lull of Josh’s quirky playlists keeping your mind piqued.

“Almost home, you wanna drop Jake off at the house then take me to the office to get my car?” Josh asked, turning the music down.

“Yeah, that sounds good to me.” You said, placing a dog ear on your page and setting the book on the floorboard.

A bit later you pulled onto your street, the sun beginning to dip low in the sky. You jostled Jake awake as best you could. “Hey Jake, we’re home. You wanna go ahead inside? I’m gonna take Josh back to his car.”

He stretched, rubbed his eyes, and nodded. “Yeah, I’ll get the bags and stuff out.” You all slinked out of the car, stretching your legs after the long ride.

“Ahh, feels good to be back in the non frigid temperature, eh guys?” Josh said, helping to pull your suitcases from the back of the car. “I’ll get it brother. You don’t need to get winded.” He handed him a small bag, and wheeled his larger one up to the door.

“I’ll be back in just a bit.” You told Jake as you placed your suitcase inside the front door.

You switched Josh out to take the driver’s seat, adjusting the chair and mirrors a bit to fit your liking. This was going to be your first time alone with Josh, and you wondered if Jake had mentioned anything.

You’d been on the road just a few minutes before he spoke up.

“You know, you guys don’t have to keep the charade up when you’re around me, right?” He asked, breaking the ice.

Fuck. Of course Jake told him.

“Ah, Jake had a little conversation with you, didn’t he?” You said, flipping the blinker to turn into traffic.

“He did. I’m still not very happy with you, Y/N. I hope you know. Sam either.” He said blankly. Ouch. Would you ever stop hurting Josh, too?

“I know you’re not, Josh. I wouldn’t be happy with us either. Hell, I’m still so mad at myself I can hardly see straight.” You were both quiet for a bit before you decided to keep going.

“I know there’s nothing I can say to fix it, except that I hope you know that Jake and I have talked through everything, for the most part. He knows and I know that I made a huge mistake. I can’t go back and change anything, so I’m just going to take my mistake and grow from it. I’m really ready to grow up now, Josh. I have to. I have to be the person he needs, and the person that I need. I’m going to start working on myself, fixing my faults and moving toward better days.” You were quiet again.

“I hope you know how much I love him.” You mumbled, wishing that Josh would say something. Anything.

“I do. And I know how much he loves you. Even though I can’t believe the shit that went down, with Sam and everything, I know that you guys will figure it out. You have to.”

You nodded. “Thanks, Josh. Remember you can stay mad at me for as long as you need. But I’m still going to keep being here for him. And for you guys.”

“I know you are. You’re family, remember?” He muttered.

You glanced at Josh, a tiny smile on his lips.

“Yeah, family.” You smiled, holding your hand out to hold his. He grasped it back, squeezing it tightly, and placed a tiny kiss to your knuckles.

“I have a question, though. Well, a condition, maybe. An option?” Josh said.

“Ha ha, yes?”

“Start coming to yoga with me. Take some classes. You said you wanted to work on yourself, what better place to start than right here?” He said, reaching his hand over and touching the spot right below your breastbone.

“No, Josh, I can’t! I’ve never done yoga…” you went on, surprised at his proposition as you put the car in park in the lot.

“So? That doesn’t matter. Yoga is an actual journey, and I’m telling you right now, it’ll help you get in touch with yourself quicker than any self-help podcast or whatever. Come with me. I’ll even go back to beginner classes with you.” He said.

You considered it, biting your cheek into your mouth. “You really think it would help me?”

“I know it will help you. I promise. And, it feels good. Every single time you leave, you’ll wonder why you didn’t start sooner. And you’ll get to hang out with me, and what’s better than that?” He joked.

You giggled, punching him on the shoulder. “Okay, I guess I could try it out. Yeah, let’s do it.”

“Perfect! It’s settled then!” He leaned over to kiss your cheek. “I’m still very disappointed in you, but I’m also excited. When we go back on the road, I have some great classes on YouTube I use.”

He climbed out of the car, letting the cool rush of air cut through the blowing heat from the vents. “See you later!”

Hmm, you, a yogi?

JAKE POV

Walking back into your home after the past few weeks felt eerie. The walls felt warm and welcoming, but the darkness is what got you. After lying in a hospital for days, all you really wanted was to be back in your home, with Y/N, a fire going, music playing, and life happening all around you.

You walked yours and Y/N’s suitcases to your bedroom, switching on all the lights as you did so. You lifted the suitcases, placing them on the bed so you could unpack a little later. A cough rattled through your chest, sending tiny shooting pains into your lungs, but not nearly as bad as it hurt a few days ago.

You could still feel the lethargy, the exhaustion, and the body aches hanging in your body, and you knew they were right. You needed rest. No way you could go back out on the road right now.

You walked around the house, ready to pick up the little messes you’d left behind before you left. But there were none. In fact, the place was so clean you could eat off the floor. The floor…had the wood been shined? You walked to the bathroom. Spotless. Shower scrubbed, laundry done, bedsheets changed with folded extras in the closets…what the hell? It almost felt sterile…

You decided you’d talk to Y/N about that when she got home. In the meantime, your fingers were itching to play something, so you decided to go into the study and turn on the fireplace, drifting away playing that new tune you had written in the hospital until Y/N got back.

You walked into the study, finding that your acoustic wasn’t in its normal place. Oh, you’d taken it upstairs to hide away forever in the closet. Back when things were bad. Back when the guitar held horrible memories.

You ran up the stairs and pulled it from the closet, also in a different place than you’d left it.

Fuck.

You made your way back downstairs, completely winded, and sat down in your leather chair to check the tuning. It felt so perfect in your hands, your old faithful. Always there when you needed it. You glanced to the desk, as something out of place caught your eye. Small and red…

Wait. Your notebook. The one you’d given to Y/N for Christmas. Sitting right here on your desk. And…a flower laid perfectly on top? Dried and wilted and brown, with only one petal.

——

You aren't sure how long you'd been sitting there staring at the notebook, it had to be at least an hour. Flipping through the pages reminiscing on all the memories it held. Finding it on the desk felt like someone had ripped your heart out of your chest. Why would she leave this? Did she not want it anymore?

You sat back in your chair twirling the flower stem in your hand. One last petal. One last she loves me. Or maybe she loves me not and that's why she left it?

You hear the front door open slowly, and seconds later she’s stepping into the house. You continue to sit there, twirling the brown stem in your fingers, just waiting for her to find you.

“Jake, what are you doing babe, you need to get in bed.” she says, tossing her things on the table by the door.

She steps into the study, and as she gets closer she spots the notebook on your lap at the flower in your hand. Her face goes white as she makes the realization.

“You don’t want it anymore?” you ask.

“No…Jake…” she says, fighting off tears.

“You left it…were you not… were you not going to come back?” you ask, your voice shaking.

“When I left here, we weren’t even speaking Jake, I– I didn’t think you wanted me back here. I thought we were done, over, all of it. I couldn’t take it. I could hardly look at it. Just reminded me how badly I betrayed you. What I did to us.” she admits.

“The flower. You left one petal…” you question.

“I just…wanted to tell you I loved you one last time.” she replies quietly.

You run your hand over your face. It’s time. You have to tell her.

You stand up from the chair, and reach your hand out to her, letting her clasp her hand with yours as you lead the two of you to your bedroom.

You lead her to the end of the bed, and she sits as you kick off your shoes and flannel. You join her on the edge of the bed, taking a deep breath. “I need to talk to you. I need to tell you something. I’ve needed to tell you for a few days, but… I just couldn’t find the right time.” you say.

Her face drops, and you wonder what she's thinking.

“You know that whole night… it’s kind of a blur to me. I really don’t remember much of it. I think I was just so mad initially about you and Sam, that I kind of blocked out everything else. My brain was only focusing on that hurt.” you start.

She nods her head as you continue, grabbing her hands in yours, “I don’t remember much of what happened in that hotel room with them. Part of me tried to just forget the whole thing ever happened, but a few days ago, Elle texted me.”

Her eyes widened at her name, “Yeah?”

“Yeah. She, apologized for kind of pushing the limits, so to speak. At first I had no idea what she was talking about, so I told her that. And well, she told me what happened.” you say, pulling your phone from your pocket. You scroll to your messages with Elle and hand the phone to her, to let her read for herself.

You watch as she reads the messages, her brow furrowing and relaxing a few times over before she reaches the end. She looks over at you, a confused look on her face.

“You don’t remember any of that?” she asks.

“No, well, I didn’t but, now I kind of do. Bits and pieces.” you confess. “I’m so sorry. I…I wouldn’t have been such a dick if I had known that… I don’t know… that I was probably going to do it too. How could I be mad at you if I was going to do the same thing? I– I don’t know what to say other than I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

“Jake… It’s not the same. I went behind your back. There was no conversation between us where you said it was okay for me to do that... I cheated on you. It’s different because I knew you two were probably going to hook up and I was okay with it. Do you not remember our conversation about it, either?” she asks.

“Not much…” you breathe.

“Jake, I told you right as you got that phone call from Josh. I told you it was okay. I told you I knew things with you and her were looking like they were heading that way. I gave you a free pass, I told you I trusted you both. I’m not mad baby, I gave you permission.” she says, rubbing her hand up your arm. “I thought you knew that…”

“Did I…tell you, you could…?” you ask, hoping she knows what you’re asking.

“No. We never finished the conversation. Your phone rang, and then you left. Part of me thought maybe, you kind of had? We never spoke the words, but we both sort of acted like we were going to…ya know. Switch, I guess. But I don’t know, the second it happened I knew what I was doing was so wrong. The biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I shouldn’t have stayed. I should have left with you. I know that now. But I had to learn the hard way.”

“Y/N…” you say, running your hand over her shoulder.

“Why aren’t you mad baby? The guilt has been eating me alive for days…I feel like you should be mad at me.” you say.

“Because Jake, I knew that you two were probably going to. I came to terms with it the second the two of you started making out. It hurt a little, but I knew it was just a one time thing. I knew you loved me, and you were coming home to me. You promised me that. What did I have to worry about?” she pauses. “But… the weed, the alcohol… it got to me. I took things past where they should have gone. And I ruined it. I ruined everything we built.”

“You had every right to do what you did that night Jake. I don’t expect you to ever forgive me, but…I hope that maybe one day…” she trails off.

You twist your fingers with hers as you bite your lips together. “One day.”

“That’s why I feel like we need space from each other. So that you can process and have time to figure out what you want. So maybe you can forgive me. It’s easy for us to fall back into our same pattern if I am here everyday, and around to tempt you. If I’m gone, maybe you’ll realize that this isn’t what you actually want, or maybe we will both realize it is. I don’t know, do you know what I’m trying to say?” she says. “None of this makes sense, it’s like there’s not a correct road to take.”

“Y/N…I completely understand. But, can I ask you a question?” you ask.

“Yeah…” she breathes.

“Do you love me?” you ask.

“Yes, I do.” she replies.

You nod, “Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?” you ask nervously.

“Every single second.” she replies.

“So why would you walk away from that?” you ask.

“I…I just want to give you space to figure out if that's what you want, Jake…”

“Baby, I have known that since the night you picked those glass shards out of my hands. There’s nothing left to figure out.” you reply.

“So please. Don’t go because you think it’s what I want, or what I need. What I need is you. Always you. I know I need time to forgive you, but that’s something I am willing to work on together. I want you to have your space though, so I am fine with you staying in the guest room, as long as you want. We can follow all your rules, and shit, I don’t even care if you add ten more. I’ll follow them. All of them. I just… I know what I want, and it’s you and it will always be you.” you finish.

She wraps her arms around your neck and pulls you into her. You wrap your arms around her and pull her down to lay back onto the bed. You hold each other there for a few minutes, just feeling each other closely as your bodies melt into one.

It’s quiet, just the sounds of your breathing filling the air in the dim room. Your room. The room you hoped to share with her again one day. You would. You just knew.

Her phone alarm began to echo through the house, bouncing off of the walls and into your ears as she pulled away from you. You held her hand as she pulled away walking towards the door to grab her phone. The alarm stopped and you heard her make her way into the kitchen before returning back to the bedroom with a glass of water.

She came back to the bed, standing between your parted legs, “How about you take a shower, and get in bed, while I find something for you to eat before you take these pills.”

“Is it time already?” you ask.

She grabs your hand and pulls you up from the bed, shooing you off to the shower, as she disappears through the door.

You had to admit the shower felt good. As much as you hated postponing the first leg of tour, there was nothing quite like being home. You ran your towel through your hair and pulled on a pair of boxers before making your way back to the bed, and pulling back the duvet. Sliding into your own bed felt like heaven. You opened your side table to grab the TV remote and stopped when you saw her photo.

Fuck.

You had forgotten you took it out of your wallet. You pulled it out, tattered around the edges and looked at it. You looked into the drawer again, finding the pick, right where you left it. Thank god. How could you have ever been that mad?

You quickly got up, finding your jeans on the floor, and fishing out your wallet. You hastily put the items back where they belonged, and jumped back into bed before she came back.

You grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, seeing it still paused on the documentary you started a few weeks ago, but at the end, not the beginning where you left it. Did she finish it?

Seconds later Y/N walked back into the room, carrying a plate.

“Best we had. We need to go to the store.” she laughed.

“We can go. Do you want to go tomorrow?” you offered.

“I will go. You need to stay in bed and rest.” she says.

“But I want to go do something…I’ve been in bed for days…” you whine.

“Okay, maybe.” she concedes.

“Make sure you take those after you eat, okay? Almost done with them. Two more days I think.” she says, pointing to the pills on the nightstand.

“I will.”

“Okay…I’ll see–” she says, slowly walking to the door.

“Wait! Are we…not gonna see what Scully’s solution is?” you ask, hoping she would come back.

“Jake…” she groans, leaning into the door frame.

You nod towards the TV, bringing up the episode you stopped on.

“Let me change, and then we can watch one episode. But I’m staying on the other side of the bed, then I am going to the guest room when it’s over.” she says.

“Yes Ma’am.”

—

A few minutes later she is walking back into your room in a blue silky pajama set, your mouth positively watering as she releases her hair from her bun as she walks to the other side of the bed.

She pulls back the duvet and slides into the bed, sighing as her head hits the pillow, “God, I forgot how comfy this bed is…”

“Mmhm….” you smirk, biting your lips together as you look at her.

She turns to look at you, you still examining every inch of her body that she was willing to show you.

“What?” she scoffs.

You smile and shake your head, “Nothing. You’re just…gorgeous.”

“Jake…” she warns.

“I’m not breaking any rules.” you quip.

“Just hit play.” she says, turning back to the TV.

You finished your food and took the pills like she said, and within minutes you start to feel drowsy. You turn off the lamp that was lighting the room, and roll toward the center of the bed to keep watching.

When the episode ends and she doesn't make a sound, you turn to look at her, only to realize she's been asleep the whole time. You just look at her for a minute, taking in the subtle part of her lips and the way her chest is rising in falling in her deeply content sleep. How could you possibly dream of waking her up?

You pull the duvet up over her shoulders and brush the hair from her face before quietly rolling out of the bed and bringing your dishes to the kitchen. As you place the items in the sink you spot her phone on the counter, and decide to bring it to the bedroom for her. You grab the phone charger she keeps in her purse and quietly plug in her phone and place it on the nightstand next to her head.

You return back to the bed, and let out a sigh, ready to finally sleep in your own bed. As your eyes close you feel her body move closer to yours, cuddling into your side before going still once again. You wrap your arm around her, and gently kiss her forehead, closing your eyes and finally feeling like things might turn out okay after all. Just you and her, right where you should be.

—

Your eyes open slowly, adjusting to the light of the room as you blink away the sleep. You let out a huge yawn, noting that your deep breath isn’t nearly as painful as it has been. You reach your arm to the other side of the bed to feel for her, but all you’re met with is cold sheets.

You sit up on your elbows looking around to see her phone gone and her side of the bed made. What the hell?

You roll over to your side to grab your phone but see a folded note sitting on top of it. You grab it and rub your eyes before opening it and reading it.

Jake,

Went to meet Logan for breakfast.

Will be back soon and we can go to the store.

Next dose of medicine is at 9:45, don’t forget.

You fold the note and set it on your night stand, laying back into your pillow. Logan?

You roll out of bed and into the kitchen, seeing the coffee pot still on and half full, your favorite mug waiting by the machine. You smile to yourself, knowing she took extra time to do that for you. You pour some coffee into the mug and make your way back to the bedroom, rummaging around for a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, finding everything you’re looking for simply because she did all your laundry. While you were a total asshole to her. While you left her here alone. While she thought you hated her.

God, I fucked up.

You pull the clothes on and make your way to the front porch, settling yourself in the wooden rocking chair as you enjoy the sun on your skin. You scroll aimlessly on your phone for a while, wondering what time she left this morning, and how long you slept after.

After draining your mug you returned back inside, deciding that if you were going to be banished to your house for a few weeks you would at least be productive. You made your way over to your record cabinet and pulled the entire stack. You made piles by letter and began organizing each one into the appropriate pile, by artist name.

You must have lost track of time, because the next thing you knew your phone was ringing alerting you that it was time to take your pills. You pulled yourself up from the floor and made your way into the kitchen, grabbing the medicine and a glass of water and following the rules laid out for you.

You returned back to your study and finished putting the last of the albums into the cabinet, very satisfied that you’d completed a project you’d been wanting to do for a long time.

You drug yourself into the bedroom to start unpacking your suitcase, taking out the clean items and putting them away until it was time to pack again. As you reached the bottom the tiny white bag laid there just staring at you. Shit. You had almost forgotten about it. Where should you put it?

You grabbed the bag, sitting on the bed and dumping it out into your hand. You held the tiny piece of circular gold metal between your fingers letting the small diamond glint in the light. You imagined what it would look like on her finger, tying her to you forever. You wanted it. You wanted it more than anything. You wondered if you would ever get back to that point with her. You hoped and prayed you would, but for now you needed to hide this away. Somewhere she would never ever find it.

You stood up and walked into the hallway, spotting your guitar case leaning against the wall. Perfect. You bent down and unlatched the locks, opening it up to see your guitar sitting perfectly nestled in the red velvet confines. You opened the tiny pick slot, and slid the white bag inside, shutting the small slot, and reclosing the case. Safe and sound. You knew the crew guarded this case with their lives. No one was getting their hands on it other than you. You walked the case upstairs to the music room, putting it there with the others, just waiting for their time to play.

You made your way back downstairs, positioning yourself on the couch for a while flipping through TV channels as your stomach rumbled. Shit, you hadn’t eaten yet today.

You drug yourself to the kitchen and began pilfering through the pantry, looking for anything you could eat before you went to the store today to restock. Finding a lone granola bar you scarfed it down, hoping she would be home soon so you could go.

You took a quick shower and shaved for the first time in days, hoping Y/N wouldn’t be too sad to see it go. As you dressed yourself in fresh clothes, you heard your phone chime on the dresser.

Danny

11:14am: *Attachment* (4)

Danny

11:14am: I know it’s probably nothing, but didn’t want you to randomly see these scrolling through socials. They’re eating her alive in the comments…

What?

You opened the attachments seeing screenshots from social media of photos of Y/N and Logan, from what had to be this morning. Comments about her being with someone else, or speculating on her cheating on you. People wondering who that guy is since she wasn’t with you… Photos showing them walking together with his arm over her shoulder, at what seemed to be a farmers market. Photos of them eating this morning. To be fair, it didn’t look good, but after everything last night, surely it wasn’t what it seemed. You had a nauseous feeling in your stomach, but you pushed it away, knowing that she loves you, and only you. She told you. Right?

You

11:18am: Thanks dude.

You tossed your phone on the bed, pacing the room for a second as you tried to let the negative thoughts leave your head. In a split second decision you decided to call Josh, grabbing your phone again and hitting call.

The line rang out until you were met with his voicemail, groaning and throwing it onto the bed once again. You carried yourself to your study, turning on the TV again and starting a documentary knowing she would be home any second.

Your phone buzzed on the couch next to you, picking it up, you saw her name.

Y/N

11:27am: Hey, Wanda from next door just called me. She was confused why we were home early since she was going to keep our mail for us until the end of April. Anyways we were talking and I told her you got sick and we came home so she wouldn’t need to get the mail anymore – all that to say she is making you ‘get well soon’ muffins. So check the porch in a little bit. Be home soon!

You

11:29am: Thanks baby

When another hour passed and your stomach continued to growl, you snatched your keys off the counter and drove to Publix, buying any and every item that looked even remotely appetizing. As you walked the aisles you dreamed about the sandwich you were going to make when you got home, piling it so high that it might be physically impossible to eat it.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket as you perused the wine selection, needing to refill your stash with her favorites. You placed them into the cart as you pulled your phone out, seeing her name on the screen once again. You swiped your thumb across the notification, expecting to see that she was on her way home, but instead you were met with the opposite.

Y/N

1:10pm: Running longer than I thought. I’ll be back soon! ❤️

Right.

You shoved your phone back into your pocket and headed towards the checkout. You swiped your card and made your way back to your car, filling the trunk to the brim. As you pulled up to the house to see that she still wasn’t there, you felt your face grow warm. You spotted the muffins on the porch, smiling and telling yourself to walk over and say ‘thank you’ as soon as you could. You carried all the groceries and the muffins inside and put them away, finally able to make yourself that sandwich and of course have a muffin.

The day continued to tick by and Y/N still hadn’t come home. Part of you started to worry if she was okay. Around 2:45 you took your next dose of pills, retiring to your bedroom for a much needed nap. Even the simplest of tasks were exhausting you. You knew the guys made the right call postponing the shows. There’s no way you could have played a show in a few days.

You scrolled on your phone for a while, eventually falling asleep as the TV played in the background.

The chime of the security system woke you up, and you sat up instantly knowing she was probably home. You looked at your phone. 4:03pm. Damn.

You stood up from the bed and walked over to the bedroom door, leaning into the frame as you watched her kick off her shoes and coat, arms full of various paper and plastic bags and a bouquet of flowers.

You crossed your arms and looked at her as she finally saw you standing there, dropping most of the bags and the flowers as she stared back at you.

“How was your breakfast date…”

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onyourhyuck · 1 year

Text

Trigger The Fever. | Huang Renjun (M)

↳ prologue: “You don’t have to act so tough. It’s ok to let other people care for you sometimes.” + “You can call me a mom all you want, but I’ll will get you better soon.”

↳ summary: You have a fever and your roommate who you have deep feelings for decides to take a day off to take care of you.

↳ the warnings: Roommate crush!renjun. domestic Renjun taking care of you while you’re ill. Crack and wholesome. Little hint of flirting. Fem reader.

↳ the notes: I have a fever and I’m starting to become sick so, I made this fanfic as inspiration. Fml I’m on holiday I’m not supposed to be sick ;-;

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You hate being sick the most. You hate having the smallest cold, you hate feeling terrible to the point it ruins your entire day. One slip of a cough and you’re praying to lord above it’s not a cold.

The last time you have gotten sick badly was around high school, a few years back now. Unlike other children, you never wanted to take a day off from school. You disliked being home alone, bed ridden with a fever like you are right now.

Being an Uni student doesn’t make you afford to take illness lightly, you have exams soon. You have places to be, you have a schedule to follow, a routine people can call it. Now that you’re stuck with a high fever, red cheeks and sore head, you stayed home. You couldn’t get up in the morning and on the other side your roommate was another problem.

Huang Renjun is your roommate. He’s a great guy, very laid back, relaxed and compassionate. But he is far too compassionate. He took a day off because he was worried sick about you, all it took was seeing your unpleasant expression and he immediately knew you were sick, it’s like that mother effect he has on him; he just knows when you’re feeling low on energy. He knows when you’re struggling just by staring into your eyes, and he knows when you are down the weather. He’s motherly with you, people often say you are lucky to have such a kind roommate who’s willing to take care of you. But you’d disagree. You don’t want to appear weak to anyone. You can take care of yourself you tell people but you run on two hour sleep, you overwork yourself and you tend to overthink absolutely everything.

The lifestyle you lead is not that healthy that you claim it to be and Renjun knows all too well. At some point he saw you never come out of your room for like a whole week because you were busy doing the art exam project that was coming on deadline but you were far behind. Luckily you made it but the outcome was Renjun scolding you and running a warm bath for you immediately. He told you to never leave yourself become like that again.

You had to promise him you wouldn’t and you really never let work consume you like that ever again. Though you still are a workaholic.

He barged into your room with a cold glass of water and a pill for you to take, it will make the fever go down. He then sits on your bed as you sit up with a scowl at his presence. “Renjun i said I’m fine.” You huff out like a child. The boy didn’t believe you, god you’re such a bad liar, just one look at the state you are in and he knows it’s lies coming out of your mouth.

“You don’t have to act so tough. It’s ok to let other people care for you sometimes.” Renjun tells you with a scolding look,bringing the pill in your hands. You glare at him before slipping the pill on your tongue and taking a quick gulp of the cold water running down your dry throat. It stings you and you exclaim loudly with a heavy breathe, pushing the water on the bed stand table.

You reply lowly. “I can’t.”

He looks at you raising an eyebrow up, once laying his eyes at you they start to go softer. The sight of your frown, curved eyebrows and watery eyes ponder his sight of you. Your loose grey shirt revealing the dainty collarbones and the clear skin of your freckles invade his thoughts of worry. It’s hard for you to open up to someone, it’s hard for anyone if they grew up being independent for so long by themselves. Renjun can understand it, he can, he might never of been independent like you have, but he can be sympathetic of your situation. He leans closer as you whisper to your roommate. “I’m not used to all this being taken care of.”

“I understand. Trust me, I do. But it’s not bad if it’s me, okay?” He slowly encourages you and you could only nod. It’s fair, you live together. Splitting the rent together 50/50. Might as well let him take care of you. “Fine Mother.” You quote and he grins a little at your words. God you’re so sassy, if it was anyone else he wouldn’t let it slide but it’s you. He lets you get away with things that he wouldn’t with others. You don’t know that though.

He hums out a soft laugh. “You can call me a mom all you want, but I’ll will get you better soon.” He said determined and you lay back, groaning out suddenly. The incoming migraine really you doing laps, it was striking your eyes too. Your ears hurt and your throat was burning intensely. The flu was going to get worse over the days but hopefully you get rid of it soon. You cannot miss more of University.

Renjun alarmed, touched your forehead for a moment. He let out a slight gasp at how you are burning so much, you can’t help but with your feverish cheeks look at him with wide eyes. The closeness between you has you curling in your bedsheets and pulling up the blanket to your chest and your lips. You had bitten your lip nervously at how close he actually was, you could feel his teeth clatter in worry, his breathing was slapping your forehead and you felt the way his hands were pressing on your mattress on the side to keep maintaining his sit up posture so he wouldn’t fall on top of you. You never noticed it until now how pretty he was. How perfect he was. It’s honestly such a surprise he has no girlfriend. He’s talented at art too. You both met each other on the same course at University in first year, spoke a few times. It wasn’t until last year you decided to live with someone and Renjun offered his place, ever since then you and Renjun lived together in the apartment.

Remaining close, he curses silently. “God you’re burning up so much. Hopefully that medicine you had will work soon.” He taunts at you and you stammer. “Stop worrying so much…it’s just a flu.” You tell him going on your side avoiding his eyes. The kindness he shows to you, it melts your tough act away. You can’t pretend to be strong around him and you have no idea why. He sees through you as if you were the most obvious being in the entire world. He can read you instantly. Others can’t.

He chuckles out. “Being sick, you’re almost more as transparent at lying than normally.”

You glare. “I’m not lying. Trust me you’re being dramatic.” You tell him again and Renjun hums, not believing you, you knew that he doesn’t believe you. You turn around about to go and kick him with your feet because the teasing he’s doing was enough but he caught your ankle and smiles. He’s smiling because he took your mind off of the pain for just a little moment. Even if it was a second or two, you were glad he was there even if you’re insufferable at times. He leans closer pushing your ankle back down. “Committing violence on your roommate?” He questions with an eyebrow raise.

You sit up leaning closer. “I’m starting to regret not locking the door.”

His hands reaches the hair strands covering your face. You had your hair a completely mess because it was the bed hair from the morning but even so, Renjun and you were comfortable enough to show each other your morning faces, your tired faces, your hangover selves. You saw each other at the darkest and at the happiest. Now he saw you at your sickness self and he can’t help but still think you are as beautiful as when you are healthy. Pushing the strands from your eyes you flinch a little but lean closer again, he tuck the hairs behind your ears and observed your round and big eyes; he always thought you represent bambi really well, because you had such an angelic face, round doe-like eyes. But your personality was fiery, strong, patient and hard working. You care a lot than people can imagine. Your breathe comes out as a hitch.

“You should get some sleep, Y/n.” Renjun slowly tells you and you bite your dry lips anxiously. The moment he stood up about to leave, you rush out of your bed and grab him by the shoulders making him turn around. However you got up too quickly for your body to comprehend such sudden movement and your dizziness got the better of you, you fell right in his chest and thankfully, Renjun was quick enough to hold your weight and gasps. “Y/n, you should stay in bed!” Renjun exclaims at your impulsiveness. You look up with beads of sweat rushing down your forehead. You want to tell him you hate being alone when you are sick. You want to tell him to stay with you until you get better. But you’re scared it might come off as demanding, as too selfish because he has done so much for you already.

He looks at you with confused and bafflement. Seriously what’s got you this riled up? “Y/n please go back to bed, a nap will fix everything okay?” He tells you and you clench on the side of his arms, shaking your head in silence frantically.

“No! Please, don’t go.” You tell him. You are begging him, for the first time he heard you say no and pleading almost as if you’re terrified to be alone. He follows you to the edge of your bed, tucking you back in as he sighs a little. “Okay. I’m here. I’ll stay.”

You aren’t letting go off his arm. Clenching his loose hoodie by the arms tighter, your eyes close and you whisper. “You won’t stay. I cant sleep.” You state back and he lets out a soft smile.

He can tell you want him to stay here, until you’re better. Renjun suddenly goes on the other side of your bed getting in. Lifting the duvet and the blanket he pours it over his body and holds you close, wrapping arms around your body. You felt your cheeks become warmer, and he saw the way your blush intensely increased. You didn’t complain. You only brush yourself deep on his bed and rest on his chest. Closing your eyes again. He trigger’s your fever, but you felt yourself loving this one.

“If you wanted me to sleep with you, you could’ve said.” Renjun whispers and you lowly murmur. “Isn’t it weird to ask you to sleep on the same bed as your roommate?”

“No. Not if it’s you.” Renjun reassures you. If it’s you anything is okay. “Come on, I’ll take a much-needed nap with you. Then we’ll both feel alright.”

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@onyourhyuck please refer from translating copyrighting and plagiarising my work thank youu! REBLOG THIS FANFIC AND FOLLOW ME FOR MORE IF YOU ENJOYED <3

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meownotgood · 2 years

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a little death / hayakawa aki

You meant everything to him, and Aki promised to keep you safe, even if it meant dying for you.

fic playlist: click here!

pairing: hayakawa aki x fem!reader

word count: 20.6k

tags: 18+, smut, angst, smoking, love confessing, that one trope where they step in front to protect you, tending to wounds, hand job, finger sucking, tender sex, aki is touch-starved and needy as hell

this work contains explicit content intended for 18+ individuals. please read the tags and do not interact if you are a minor.

Human life is expendable. In this world, it always has been. If someone dies, they'll simply be replaced, such is the perpetual ill-fated existence of a devil hunter.

In a way, it's like the cigarettes Aki smokes. Sometimes they burn halfway, sometimes they burn down to ash, but when you're done, you just smoke another. They do well to remind him of the fragility of life in more ways than one. He inhales, and even though he knows it's slowly killing him, when the rich taste of smoke fills his lungs, all he can feel is heaven. Yeah, she was right. Life is so much better when you have something to take the edge off.

Aki pulled the cigarette from his lips, tapping it with his finger over the ashtray and watching the dying embers scatter. The smoke from his exhale rose into an oddly calm, cloudless blue sky. As it left his lungs, Aki could almost feel his stresses melt into the tranquility of the cool breeze. Almost. He was only escaping from his work for a short time, because once this cigarette was spent, it was begrudgingly back into the fray.

Why was it always on the nicest of days that Aki had to be stuck working? Actually, that's a stupid question, considering he works pretty much every day. But shame on him for wanting to patrol peacefully with you and enjoy the nice weather for once.

Whatever, the devil this time was supposed to be weak anyways. Only you and him were dispatched to the scene, and you were told it was okay to take your time, so this must be something the both of you could handle quite easily. Soon, the sun would set, but maybe if you both managed to get this job done quickly, he'd be able to enjoy what was left of the day.

"Shit, Aki, I can't find mine. Can I have one of yours?"

"Nope, it's my last one. Sorry." Aki replied, taking another long drag from the cigarette.

"Dammit, I left my jacket at home 'cause it was supposed to be hot today. They must still be in my pocket."

The sun was beaming down, blistering heat radiating off the concrete sidewalk, but while standing in a large shadow cast by the looming buildings, a soft breeze dancing through the air cut through the tepidity. It brushed against Aki's arms bared by rolled up sleeves, tickling the side of his face and the hair on the back of his neck. This corner of the city was calm and quiet today, with the only sound being the rhythmic hum from cars on the nearby street whizzing by.

"Hey, Aki, let me have a hit of that one."

Aki shook his head. "No way."

"Oh come on, I'll be quick. There's no way I'm getting through this mission without some nicotine in my system."

Aki took the thin cigarette from his mouth once more, holding it carefully between his fingers, puffs of smoke wisping up from the firefly light on the end. He turned his head, finally meeting your pleading gaze. You cocked your head at him and he hesitated, if only for a moment, before sighing in defeat. He brought the cigarette to your lips until they closed around it.

"Inhale."

You followed the command, breathing in as he held the half-burned cig steady. The moment the smoke hit your lungs, it instantly flooded your senses with pure bliss.

It wasn't very hard to convince Aki when it came to you, never has been. But there's something about sharing his cigarette with you, something about watching you take a hit between his fingers, eyes locked onto his. Something about it enthralled him every time. So if you asked, he was sure to let you have a taste, and this time was no different.

He pulled away when you took in a sufficient breath, bringing the cig back to his own lips. You tilted your head upwards, catching glimpses of pale blue obscured by a tangled web of power lines before the smoke was blown out steadily from your mouth.

Funny, at one point, you told Aki you'd never smoke. Yet now, here you were. Somehow, "Ew, I'd never," turned into, "Fine, I'll try it," turned into, "What brand do you get again? I'm just curious," turned into now, all right before his eyes, and all because of him. It filled him with a little sense of pride.

If you were going to be a devil hunter beside him, experiencing the same loss and turmoil as he has his entire life for the rest of yours, he supposed you deserved something to indulge in. Or at least, that's what someone else taught him a long time ago. When you first became his partner, whether it was a nostalgic force of habit or an urge to put you through the same rite of passage he himself once underwent, Aki made it his goal to convince you to smoke.

With how adamantly against it you were at first, he almost gave up. But after countless missions together, months spent growing closer and further trusting one another, something seemed to crack. He managed to convince you to try it, and in no time at all, he had turned you into just as much of a hopeless addict as he was. It was a satisfying feeling at first, but now, that feeling wasn't enjoyed without a sharp pang of guilt.

Aki's life was expendable. If he died, what impact would he leave on the world? He had no loved ones, no family, no-one he cared about, besides you. And the very day after he breathed his last, you'd find that he'd be replaced, just as simply as everyone he himself has come to lose. You'd forget about him and move on with your new partner. A stick of tobacco was certainly not going to be his final nail in the coffin, but it doesn't really matter either way, does it?

Your life though, your life was different. Your life was precious. It was filled with time he didn't have, filled with hope he didn't have. In himself, he saw nothing, but in you, he saw love. To him, you were love. You were the embodiment of everything that made life worth living, everything beautiful. A star-filled night spent drinking the sweetest liquor, or finally getting home and taking off your shoes. The world beat him and broke him down, but in your soul, he found solace.

But hey, that's something he would never admit. Not out loud, anyways.

Regardless, you were someone he found worth protecting, and that's exactly what Aki vowed he would do, and that's exactly why he changed his mind. If he could go back, he would have never given you a cigarette. Hell, he would have quit smoking if that's what it took to get you to never try one. Your life was precious, and he should have never taught you to shorten it.

Ugh, he was thinking too much. What he should do is shake these thoughts from his head and start focusing on the mission.

Aki took a final drag in before stamping the cigarette bud out into the ashtray. "Alright," He spoke through a mouthful of smoke, "You ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." You pushed yourself off of the wall you had been leaning on, stretching before you stood up straight. "You okay Aki? You've been spacing out."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry." Aki replied nonchalantly. You walked closer to him, hands reaching to grab his tie, and you pulled on the fabric, adjusting it straight around his collar.

"Remember," Aki starts, "If things go bad, you stand behind me, understand?"

"Don't worry, we've got this." You stated, looking up at him, "And after we're done, we can go out for some celebration drinks."

When your gaze met his, Aki felt his worries fade away, like snow melting to a warm flame. He smiled softly, something only you could seem to make him do, he thinks. Drinks together after a stressful day sounded great. All he had to do was get through this mission, and then he could relax. And with the two of you, it would be easy, right?

Aki nodded, "Right. Let's go."

—

Devil Extermination request for the Public Safety Commission. Devil sighting inside block #9's parking garage. According to the request, the devil fled to the 3rd floor. It is described as a rather weak Spike Devil. All civilians have been evacuated safely from the area. Dispatching two devil hunters from Public Safety Devil Extermination Special Division 4.

It was never supposed to happen this way. It was supposed to be an easy job. It was supposed to be to go in, locate the devil in the building, and eliminate it. Get things done like you both always do and get out, simple as that. So how did you end up getting cornered like this?

From the minute you saw the state of disarray the parking garage was in, you knew "rather weak" was a complete lie. You've been a devil hunter long enough to know this much damage couldn't be caused by a mere low-rate devil. Cars were toppled everywhere. Some appeared to be flung with incredible force, and some were covered in holes where something had pierced straight through the metal. A chill was sent up your spine when you began to wonder what that something could be. This devil was definitely much stronger than it may have appeared.

Likewise, you've been fighting alongside Aki long enough to know when he gets quiet like this, gritting his teeth roughly, sweat coating his furrowed brows, it's usually a bad sign. The only time he goes silent is when he knows things are about to go to shit.

With no words exchanged, you made your way to the third floor alongside Aki. Neither of you were sure what to expect, but you both were saying silent prayers in your minds as you climbed the stairs. Prayers that this devil really was weak, and prayers that today wouldn't be either of your last. Once you were face to face with the titular Spike Devil though, your assumptions were dreadfully proven.

First of all, it was no small-fry, boasting a rather large body of contorted limbs and mismatched appendages. It was a disgusting freak of nature, like every devil you've come across. What was most interesting were the equally sizeable spines that covered the entirety of its body.

The devil appeared to be able to shoot them out and recall them back to its body at will, so not only did it have great range and offense, but when recalled, the spikes also provided an excellent layer of defense. They weren't porcupine levels of spines either. The size was comparable to railroad spikes, and they were heavy enough that it took a wide swing of your sword to deflect them, leaving your arms aching.

Second of all, thanks to all of those limbs helping to propel it, the damn thing was blisteringly fast and incredibly relentless. Its movements were a blur you could hardly even make out. All you could manage to do was block, block, block, never having the opportunity to get a hit in.

Despite the growing severity of the situation, you were able to control your breathing and maintain some of your cool. You were both going to get out of this alive, you always do, don't you? After all, you had your full trust placed in Aki, and he had his full trust placed in you. You stood back to back, pressed close to one another, covering for each other's blind spots to deflect the devil's attacks.

Aki has always been more agile than you, so at this point, you were relying on him to land a blow while you focused on simply keeping yourself from being impaled. Unfortunately, try as he might, he was just as unsuccessful as you. At least he was able to take a few swings at it, which was more than you were able to accomplish, but they proved to be fruitless when the devil dodged them easily.

With every movement of your sword, it seemed to become heavier and heavier in your hands. In your chest, you could feel every single pound of your heart. It was hard to breathe, almost like the air was being forced into your lungs. You were slowing down, threatened to succumb to your exhaustion.

Aki could sense it. Where you started to lag, he only moved faster, swinging his blade wider, harder. He blocked where you failed to, and before you knew it, the fight was in a league all its own and you truly weren't a part of it anymore. Aki deflected every hit on his own while slowly backing away with you behind him, taking every opportunity, each break in the devil's attacks to put space in between the two of you and itself.

Eventually, you both were able to back up far enough that the devil's attacks subsided a little, although not completely. Instead of sending out as many continual attacks as it could, the devil instead honed in on concentrated strikes. It was trying to eliminate one of you, and it clearly didn't care which, with one strong blow. Aki deflected the first hit, but not without briefly staggering under the weight of the impact.

"Go. Run away."

Your attention was pulled away from the fight when Aki suddenly spoke, his voice breathless yet resolute. It was the first thing he'd said in a frighteningly long amount of time. His command hung in the air, his eyes remaining locked on the devil as he deflected another attack.

Do something, fucking do something, you screamed at yourself, but you were rooted in place and couldn't think, couldn't move. Everything was a blur, moving in fast motion while you were stuck in the past. All you were able to do was uselessly stand at Aki's side, your eyes darting between him and the devil as he blocked strikes with the flat length of his sword, loud clangs of metal against metal echoing throughout the garage.

Aki abruptly turned to you, grabbing your shoulder, and his iron grip paired with his sharp gaze meeting yours was enough to briefly shake you from your trance. He raised his voice, shouting, "Did you not hear me?!"

"I… I heard you, but I…" You stammered frantically, trying to come up with the words, trying to come up with anything at all. Right now, you're aware that you're only a liability, just someone he has to protect. But you didn't want to leave him. You couldn't. You were hoping somehow, someway, you'd find a way to assist. If you searched your brain hard enough, you'd have to come up with something.

Aki's face seemed to soften the slightest amount when he spoke again, staring into your eyes with an expression ever pleading. "I can handle this, you're only going to get hurt if you stay so please, please just-"

You should do something. Anything. Something to help him, something more useful, something better than just standing there.

No, you should run. You should listen to him. You should take the chance he's made for you and get out. So why weren't you? Why were you numb, unable to move?

Wait, when did he start standing so close in front of you? And when did the noise of clanging metal cease?

And why was Aki not moving?

The air was filled with a suffocating silence, save for a faint plip, plap sound of droplets splattering on concrete and the twofold echo of weary gasps for breath. You were terrified to look, shaky vision remaining fixated on the devil, but when a spike stained crimson was recalled to its body and the sound grew from a light dribble to a loud splatter, your eyes darted downwards.

Blood. Aki's blood.

Aki's sword slipped from his loose grasp, falling to the ground with a clatter amongst the spots of red painting the floor below. His legs buckled, and as he swayed forward, you reached out and caught him by his waist.

"Aki, oh my God, I'm so sorry, Aki please-"

Everything was scrambled, surreal, and you were fumbling over your words, shaking, struggling to hold up his weight and not even sure what was going through your mind anymore.

Aki wrapped his arm around your shoulders, still wobbling but regaining a little bit of his balance. He opened his mouth to speak, but as soon as he tried, he sputtered into a cough, spitting up spots of blood into his hand.

His mind was a dizzying blur, coherent thoughts swirling, drowned out by a razor-edged pain that kept hammering away at his senses. He's losing blood. He can feel it warm and wet against his side. Even though his adrenaline is pumping right now, he can't have much consciousness left before he's done.

Make the best call, otherwise we're both dying here.

The devil seemed to be taunting you now, taking its time to lick the blood off the spike clean. But Aki was the only one who noticed this. You couldn't tear your eyes away from him.

Despite how much it made your heart sink to see his face contorted in such pain, his lips parted as he took in ragged breaths, your gaze remained locked on. You focused only on watching the heave of his chest, right above where his white dress shirt is stained a vivid red, because you were terrified of the thought that if you looked away, when you looked back, it wouldn't rise and fall anymore.

At least the devil seemed to have finally let its guard down. The damn thing probably thought it had already won. The two of you had lured it all the way to the edge of the parking garage. Orange rays from the setting sun cast large shadows upon the devil's figure.

Now was the only chance Aki had to finish it, and he needed to do so quick, before the monster started paying attention again.

"Aki, please, come on, we need to get out of here-"

Make the best call, make the best call, make the best call…

Was this close enough? Was it too dangerous to summon it here? What if the entire building toppled?

No, stop hesitating or you'll die, idiot. He had to do it, and he had to do it right now.

Aki brought a heavy, trembling hand up, middle and ring fingers pressed faint to the pad of his thumb. Through blurry vision growing dim, he aligned the circle between his fingers with the shadowy silhouette of the devil.

Before he even spoke, he could feel the blood bubbling up in his aching throat, but he forced himself to push past it. He choked out the one word he needed so quietly he might as well have been mouthing it.

"Kon."

The fox's head burst through the nearest wall like it was nothing, its might obscuring the glow of the setting sun, and in one fell swoop, the Spike Devil was gone, swallowed in the Fox Devil's jaws whole. Aki used a final burst of energy to hurriedly twist until he was in front of you. He wrapped his arms around your back and held you close, his tall frame leant over yours to shield you from the flying debris.

It's over.

The devil was taken down, Aki kept you safe, and once this realization hit him, the ache in his chest seemed to increase exponentially. It was a piercing, hot, all-encompassing pain, like nothing he could even describe, and nothing like anything he's ever felt before in his life. His ears were ringing, and every breath he took in was starting to become shorter and shorter without his control.

There's so many things he wants to tell you. He wants to say it's alright, we did it. Don't worry about me because everything is going to be okay. But words wouldn't form anymore, let alone comprehensible thoughts. He was at the end of his rope now, wasn't he?

It hurts, it's fading away, everything is fading. I don't want to die, God, please don't let me die.

"Aki, hang in there, look at me, please."

But your face was a blur, a mere swirl of colors growing hazy, almost as if he was being swallowed into the darkness of a long, pitch-black tunnel.

Don't give in just yet, don't give in, it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts…

"Focus on me, please don't close your eyes…"

But your voice was growing fainter, muddier, as if Aki was plunged underwater, the depths threatening to claim him, and his eyelids were starting to feel so, so heavy.

I'm going to die.

The realization should have been terrifying. Instead, he felt release, like finally letting go when your hands had been burning from holding on for far too long. The end should have hit him much harder than it did. Instead, he found it soothing, like a river's rippling waters finally settling into a still, tranquil pool.

"Aki…"

It's okay, please don't cry. I didn't have that much time left, anyways.

It was never supposed to happen this way. It was supposed to be an easy job, and now the person you cared for the most was dying in your arms.

"Can you hear me? Aki?"

At this point, if you were saying anything, he couldn't tell what it was anymore. He could feel himself slipping, losing the fight, and before he knew it, he was speaking before he was thinking. Soft words tumbled from his aching throat at barely more than a whisper.

"I'm sorry, I love you."

And then, he was done.

Aki's head fell to rest on your shoulder. His body went limp against yours, motionless and heavy. You could feel the ever so subtle tickle of his shallow breaths against your neck.

He was barely breathing, but at least he wasn't dead yet.

—

It's happening again. He's there, but at the same time, he is watching himself, a mere observer to the snowglobe that is the microcosm of his life. Inside the dome is a familiar house, surrounded by dead trees with branches clothed in white. Through frosted glass, he can see it; he can see himself, tiny and meager, while as innocent and pure as the pale white snow. But all he can do is watch.

All he can do is watch as the scene plays out just as he knew it would, just as he's seen in his dreams countless times before. Someone shakes the globe, and all at once, his home is torn into the sky, blown away with the same disorder present in a gorgeous flurry of snowflakes and glitter.

It's strange. Seeing it now, so small, so far away, a swirl of mesmerizing crystalline, it almost seems beautiful. But as he watches, he can taste the bile rising in his throat, he is weighed down by the sinking of his heart, and in that moment, he's filled with the same sense of dread he felt that day. The feeling of being lost at sea with nothing but miles and miles of blue in sight. Nowhere to run to, no-one to reach out and help you, left treading water until you drown in the deep.

Aki feels cold, down to his bones. Is it because of the snow? Or is it coming from within?

The scene fades, and a new one opens on what he remembers to be the first time he wielded a sword. He watches a much younger, inexperienced version of himself through the shiny reflection on the blade. His fragile hands grip the hilt tight and he swings with a reckless naiveté. God, he was so young to be fighting, and even though he tried to hide it, Aki knew him better than anyone, and he knew the boy he saw in the mirror was terrified.

He became a spectator to his first devil kill. Adrenaline pumped through his veins and he was overwhelmed with the satisfaction of finally doing something useful. From then on, he killed more, more. He didn't stop, not even for a second.

His sword was plunged into devil after devil, but the madness didn't end for him once they were dead. He cut their bodies open and searched through every last revolting inch of their insides until he found what he was looking for. When he was done, his palms were stained red, down to the crevices. He remembers feeling as though it would never wash out of his pores. With his blade coated in blood, Aki could no longer see through the steel, and so the scene faded anew.

When the picture took shape once more, Aki was standing on a lonely street. Through a wide set of windows, he could see himself inside, eating dinner with his late partner. Or perhaps it was lunch, he can't remember. The inside of the restaurant appeared to be empty apart from his table, and although he could see himself clearly, the one sitting in the chair across from him was blurred. He knew exactly who it was, and yet, her face was obscured and just wasn't quite right.

"Aki, wanna job hop to the civilian side with me?"

Even though he was watching from outside, he could hear the conversation clear as day, like it was coming from inside his brain.

"We don't have to hunt that damn gun, y'know?"

Aki didn't look up, although now, he wished he did, because if he had, maybe he would have remembered her face more.

"I'll go drinking with you as much as you want," He replied firmly, "But I will never go to the civilian sector."

If he could go back now, would he have changed his answer?

Right now, he isn't sure, but in this world where he's only an onlooker, it doesn't really matter. He is on the outside looking in, left staring at his double and the hazy vision of Himeno, the window pane seeming fogged up around her form as she lights a familiar cigarette.

Why was Aki seeing all of these things? Is this what they call your life flashing before your eyes?

He stood idly, watching the film continue to play out, although he already knew how it was going to end. For a second time, Himeno died right in front of him, and for a second time, he was utterly powerless to stop it. He was a prisoner to a story already told, and even though the rest of the memory was fuzzy, he could remember everything about her as he watched her slowly disappear.

That memory was always the clearest. His own brain is so cruel.

Aki couldn't bear to see much more of this. He turned and started walking, then running, leaving the stage behind him.

Perhaps it was because he hoped to enter a memory more pleasant, or perhaps it was because your face was the last thing he saw, your voice the last thing he heard, and so you were still lingering in the labyrinth of his mind. Whatever it was, Aki began to reflect on recollections of you.

The first time he gave you a cigarette. He demonstrated how to smoke it before passing it off to you. When you coughed and sputtered, it was almost endearing, like watching a younger version of himself. You didn't give up though, and when he watched you, he couldn't help but smile. That day, he smiled for what was the first time in a long time.

The first mission you completed together. He didn't think it was anything to write home about, but you were so excited, and some of that cheerfulness couldn't help but be rubbed off on him. You praised him for how strong he was, rambled about how much you wished you could be a devil hunter as strong as him. Never become like me, was what he wanted to say, but instead, he offered to train with you, show you some of what he knows. You graciously accepted, and after that, training sessions together became a regular occurance. That was only the start of Aki spending time with you outside of work.

The first time he took you to his family's grave. He told you it wouldn't be anything fun, but you insisted on coming. He's still not sure why you did.

It was chilly that day. You both left early in the morning. You slept on his shoulder on the train ride there. Then, on the boat, it was freezing, so while you looked out at the water, he took off his jacket and draped it over the two of you like a blanket with his shoulder pressed against yours. Lastly was the bus, and even though it was totally empty, for some reason, he stood close to you. Close enough that every bump in the road caused him to lean into you. Close enough that his fingers kept accidentally brushing against yours.

Another thing he's not sure of is why you decided to grab his hand then. It could be because you were getting tired of all those accidents, or maybe it was because you figured it was awfully close anyways, so you might as well. It wouldn't be a far extension of what was already occurring.

Or possibly, it was because you could see right through him. You could tell deep down, he was troubled with the reminders of all of this, of everything he lost that day. So when you took his hand, it was to give him something to hold on to. A small form of comfort. He likes to think the reason was the latter.

"Your hands are cold." You commented.

"Yours are warm."

The trip was always a long one, but with you, it seemed to go by in an instant. You prayed alongside him, and something about you being there made it easier, made him feel less alone.

In his eyes, in every memory, your face was clear. He could see every detail of it, but he swore it was more beautiful than he remembered.

The first time you came over to his house, he showed you around, and when you were hungry, he peeled and cut an apple for you. He remembers the way your face lit up when you saw the bunny-shaped slices, the way you smiled at him as you ate. You watched movies together, talked about stupid shit and gossiped about co-workers while forgetting about the world. For just one night, everything was normal. Aki remembers wishing he could freeze time right at that moment.

The first time you went out drinking together, you both probably shared more secrets than necessary, but Aki can hardly recall what was said. What he does remember is taking you home when you got too drunk, your whole body leaning on him, your infectious laugh when you wobbled, and the way you relied on him to keep you safe without question. It made him feel important, made him feel like he was needed by someone.

It's the dullest of moments that Aki remembers the clearest, he notes. They also happen to be the ones he loves the most, because when every devil might be what drives you to the brink of insanity, a little bit of something simple goes a long way.

Aki relives a conversation he had with you on his balcony, over a shared cigarette and under the dull light of the crescent moon. He recalls something you asked him that night.

"If you could go back and change your past, would you?"

You posed it as a pretty casual question, teasing him when he simply replied he doesn't know.

Ask him any other time, and Aki would have said yes, absolutely. There were so many things he'd like to change about his life. So many people he'd want to save, and when he really thinks about it, all of this started with that stupid house and that damn gun. Against the impossible odds, he'd find a way to prevent it, find a way to save his family. Find a way to fix his life.

Now though? He's come to feel a bit differently, not just about that question, but about his life as a whole. No matter how much you wish it could, the past can't be changed. The only thing you can do is learn to live with it. Accomplish your goals and treasure what you have left until it's gone. And if you do, you might just find something that makes all the suffering worth it in the end. Someone who makes you look forward, instead of looking back all the time.

The only thing he regrets is ever giving you a damn cigarette.

This world has always hated him from the start. Was showing him all of this the universe's way of trying to get him to finally give up?

To hell with that. Aki still had a job to do, and for once in his life, he had someone out there waiting for him. Someone who would cry if he died, and he can't let that happen. He needed to get out of here.

"Aki, where are we going?"

With no warning, he found himself on a busy street, and he heard your voice clearly through the suffocating crowd.

"We have to patrol the south side," Came his response, although it wasn't coming from his own mouth. Aki turned to where he heard it, and standing out from the group as if a spotlight was shown upon them was the striking image of himself walking with you close on his heels.

"Try to keep up," His duplicate continued, "I won't have time to babysit you."

"You must have pretty low expectations of me, sir."

"I have low expectations of everyone, especially softies like yourself."

Aki felt his hands ball up into fists. Man, was he always such an asshole?

"And why's that?"

"Because everyone in Public Safety ends up either-"

Aki charged forward, closing the distance between himself and you. Before he let himself say another word, he reached out and grabbed your hand. Your palm was warm, and he could feel it when you gripped back, the touch distinct and real. For a moment, his heart skipped and he hesitated, a gravity almost drawing him away, but he held on tight and let it pull him with you in tow.

He moved as quickly as he could manage, shouldering past those in the way, and when the sea of people seemed to part, he started running.

"Aki, wait!" Your voice cried out from behind him, and you were slowing down, stumbling, struggling to keep up. "Where the hell are we going?"

His vision was growing muddled, and he wasn't sure where he even was anymore. His surroundings were a confusing, vague blur, in an uncanny kind of way.

"We're getting out of here," He replied, and the next thing he said poured from his mouth thoughtlessly, "I'm not ready to die."

"You're not dead, Aki."

Aki froze in place. "I'm not?" He murmured, although to be honest, he knew a long time ago that he wasn't. He knew from the moment he first saw your face, and from the second he felt your touch so strongly when he grabbed your hand. He could feel this was only a dream that he was on the edge of waking up from.

And as if on cue, a loud boom pierced right through the languor, and the calm haze of a quiet dream was severed in favor of a heart-pounding awakening.

—

I'm not dead yet.

Aki awoke suddenly, the fog blanketing his mind rapidly fading to a clear consciousness. The first thing he heard was the crack of thunder, and once his eyes fluttered open, the second thing was the rolling thrum thereafter. He fought against the grogginess still lingering in his mind and the heavy weight of his eyelids begging to close, attempting to take in the area around him. The room was dim, covered in a veil of grey, and the gentle patter of rain could be heard outside.

He sat there for a moment, pondering the loose threads from his dream still lingering in his memory. As his senses returned, he felt something in his open hand, holding it carefully, but firm. Your touch blended so well with his dream that it took him a bit before he noticed. Fabric rustled as he turned to look at you, your head rested on the edge of the bed. You had pulled up a chair next to him, and although he couldn't tell since you were facing away, he guessed you were sleeping.

Aki felt his body relax and his heartbeat slow once he saw you, and for a minute he was settled there, simply enjoying the feeling of your hand in his. It was warm. So warm.

He could tell from his surroundings that he must be in the hospital. How long had he been asleep? Or, more importantly, how long had you been waiting for him to wake up? Hopefully he didn't worry you for too long, he thought, and as he attempted to recall how he got himself into this in the first place, the memory of the day prior began to return.

That's right, you and him were dispatched on an extermination mission for the Spike Devil, and that's where he became injured. He remembered fighting alongside you, stepping in front of you, and taking a spike right through his stomach. Aki could feel his middle wrapped in something snug, and to confirm it true, he snaked his free hand up his hospital gown. Sure enough, when his fingers met his side, he felt the smooth cotton of a bandage cloth.

The next thing he recalled was the pain. How sharp and hot it was, and then the feeling of almost dying that followed. It felt oddly calm, like slipping into a peaceful slumber, but now, the mental image it conjured utterly terrified him.

He summoned the Fox Devil, didn't he? Yeah, he definitely did. He can't forget to feed it later.

You weren't hurt, were you? No, if you were here now, you must have gotten out safely. Aki remembered your panicked voice as you begged for him to stay awake. The look on your face that shot a bullet through his heart when he realized you were crying. He remembered being held in your arms, slowly slipping away, whispering his last words…

Oh, fuck. They were supposed to be his last words, anyways, but considering he was alive and well right now, they certainly didn't turn out to be. He wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing.

In the moment, his mind was in shambles, and all he was concerned with was making sure something left his mouth so you could hear his voice one last time. He wanted those words to be meaningful and good, but he didn't have much time nor energy left to decide on them. The grim prospect of death was staring him right in the eyes, and he could tell from the dwindling sand within the hourglass that he didn't have much time left. He dug a hole for his own grave, and as he did, he unearthed feelings he had long since buried in the dirt. In the moment, all he could think of was not allowing those feelings to be forever buried alongside him.

Aki could feel his heart constrict in his chest. I love you. I love you. I love you. Each resoundment was like a punch to the gut, echoing throughout his head, spoken in his own voice. Out of all the things he could have said, why did he have to go with that? Maybe it would have been endearing if he had actually ended up six feet under, but in this instance, all he did was force his feelings onto you.

He shouldn't have said it. The time and place couldn't have been any more horrible. You shouldn't feel pressured to accept his confession just because he almost died, so Aki decided the first thing he's going to do when you wake up is take it all back. He'll tell you he didn't mean any of it, even if that was an outright lie.

Speaking frankly, Aki didn't know much about love, but somewhere down the line, he became pretty sure he was in love with you. He could feel it clearly in the way his heart came alive every time he was around you, and in the way your presence alone brought him so much peace. You treated his life as anything but expendable, and you cared about him in a way almost no-one else ever has. There was something about you that captivated him and made him grow him very, very attached, until before he realized what was happening, you became the most precious thing in his life.

Nevertheless, for so many reasons, he swallowed those feelings and kept them concealed. You were his partner firstly, his friend secondly, and he couldn't allow something stupid like this to get in the way of either of your jobs. Besides, if you grew closer to each other, it would only lead to more hurt when one of you inevitably departed. Aki had to keep you at a certain distance. For his own sake and yours, you two could never be more than friends.

But when you find yourself on the brink of death, something about you changes. You start thinking of all those things you've tried to keep hidden and you're met with a choice: speak now, or die beside them.

Oh, whatever. What's done is done, so it's not worth agonizing over now, is it?

Searching for something to distract himself, Aki finally decided to push himself up, doing so slowly as to not wake you. The second he rose, he immediately felt the strain of fatigue on his body, like a hook held by a taut line threatening to drag him backwards. The slightest bit of movement also triggered a steady throb in his side. He brushed strands of long hair from his face, rubbed some of the stress from his temple, and forced himself to stay up.

A dull flash of lightning brought his attention to the window beside him. Gentle droplets tapped against the glass, then steadily cascaded down, obscuring the view with blurry streaks of water. Dark, puffy clouds hung low in the sky and blotted out the light from the sun. The slosh of water could be heard when cars in the streets below passed by, headlights casting streaks of yellow that travelled across the room.

For a while, Aki watched the rain, the soft rhythm beginning to settle his thoughts. He could still feel your hand in his, and he faintly closed his fingers around it, holding it in a tender grip. The drizzle outside bounced off of the sidewalk and soaked into the soil. Where it had the chance, it collected into puddles that reflected the city's colorful glow. It could have been his imagination, but he swore the storm was only picking up.

"Aki?"

A voice calling his name stirred him, but before he could fully turn towards it, before he could even form a word in response, you had already flung forward and wrapped your arms around him. Aki's breath hitched in his throat. For a few seconds, he stalled, before he hesitantly returned the embrace, shaky arms clutching around your back. Loosely at first, but tight when he gave in.

You held him close, close enough that how glad you were to see he was okay was conveyed through your touch alone, and without a single word spoken, he understood. You could feel his heart beating through his chest and the fabric of his clothes was balled up tight in your hands.

His heartbeat. In the grand scheme of things, it was inconsequential, but hearing it now made it sound like the world's most perfect melody.

Although his lips trembled like there was something he wished to say, Aki was rendered speechless until you pulled apart. You held his shoulders, the look on his face one of relief. When he met your gaze, he got lost in your eyes, and when he spoke to end the silence, his voice was low. To hear it after so long made it sound especially comforting.

"How long have you been here?"

"Since this afternoon," You replied, "They've been letting me off work early 'cause I can't patrol without a buddy."

Aki looked away, his face tensed in thought, and you spoke again, figuring you knew what was on his mind. "You've been asleep for three days now."

Three days? He should be grateful he wasn't out for longer, but three days was still far too long to have left you worrying about him. He was so stupid, so sloppy, such an idiot. How could he let something like this happen?

Aki sighed, "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? For what?"

"Fuck, for everything," He answered, his voice fragile, like it was glass about to break into a million little pieces. "For failing you, for making you worry about me, for what I-"

The hospital room's door opening with a creak caused Aki to trail off, his attention and yours shifted to a nurse standing in the hallway.

The nurse stated simply, "Visiting hours were over a long time ago."

Your hesitation made Aki almost think you were going to protest, but instead, you responded, "Okay, I'm leaving in a minute."

When the nurse left, you pulled Aki into another curt hug. You were about to tell him not to apologize because there was nothing to apologize for, but when he rested his head on your shoulder, you heard him say quietly into your ear, "You should leave now anyways, the rain is picking up."

As much as you didn't want to, you cut the hug short and decided to leave the conversation there, since it seemed like what Aki wanted you to do. You began shuffling around the room to find your belongings. "Yeah, I guess you're right, but I wanted to talk to you for longer."

"I know. Me too."

"I'll come back tomorrow as soon as I'm off work." You said, pulling your arms through the sleeves of your jacket.

Aki shook his head, "That's not necessary."

"You don't want me to?"

Of course he wanted you to. If he was truly listening to his heart, he would have begged for you to stay and never fucking leave his side again. But he has to listen to his head.

"No, just… Don't worry about me, okay? I'll call you when I get out, we can talk more when I'm feeling better."

"Alright. Do you need anything before I go?"

"I could use a cigarette, but I doubt they'll let me smoke in here, so..." Aki pondered with a shrug of his shoulders, but without a care for what he just said, you rooted around in your jacket pocket, tossing a lighter and then a half-full pack of cigarettes at him. He saw them out of the corner of his eye and spun to catch them with ease.

You were about to leave the room, but as you grabbed the door handle, you stopped to say one more comment, "Hey, make sure you get some rest, alright?"

"Didn't I tell you not to worry about me?"

In response, you only chuckled.

Aki spoke between the cigarette already placed between his teeth, "Be safe."

"I will, see you later. Call me."

Aki waved, and after catching one last glimpse of him, you left and closed the door behind you.

—

Aki never called you.

After almost a week of not hearing from him, you decided to take matters into your own hands. You went to the hospital first, only to find his room empty upon opening the door. You flagged down a nurse, who informed you he left a few days ago. Against the wishes of his doctor, might they add. Yeah, sounds just like him.

So next, you tried to call his phone, but of course, it rang infinitely without an answer. When that plan failed, you didn't waste any time trying to leave voicemails. You got in your car and drove right to his apartment.

Considering what the nurse told you, it wasn't hard to believe he was ignoring you because he was trying to get some rest, but considering what you knew about Aki, the real reason was probably because he didn't want you to fuss over him. It was either that or he was too embarrassed to talk to you.

You parked in front of his apartment and then made your way to the door. The sun hung low in the sky, casting orange ribbons of light upon everything it touched. A sharp chill was settled in the air, leaving goosebumps on your arms in its wake. You raised your knuckle and knocked.

No answer.

You rung the doorbell, hearing the muffled chime resound from inside.

No answer, again.

The lights weren't on, but his car was parked in the lot, so he definitely was here. Was he okay? Something didn't happen to him, did it? You're starting to get a little nervous.

You were about to try knocking at the door again, but to your surprise, it unlocked with a click. You hurriedly moved your hand away, and when it swung open, you couldn't hold back a sigh in relief.

Aki leant on the doorframe, his hair down and an utter mess. He was wearing comfortable clothing, what you assumed to be his pajamas, and a weary look was present in his eyes. Maybe he actually was resting after all. He eyed you up and down before asking in a flat tone, "What are you doing here? Do you need something?"

You scoffed, "You said you would call me and you didn't, idiot."

"Oh, sorry." Aki replied, his attitude standoffish, and he averted his eyes, looking down at the floor.

Could he be any less subtle about this? At least you were here now, so he couldn't avoid you for any longer.

"Can you let me in? It's cold out here." You said, crossing your arms.

Aki appeared to be unsure, but regardless, he opened the door further and moved aside, allowing you to walk in before he closed it behind you. The second you entered, a heavy warmth settled over your body like a cocoon. The familiar smell of his apartment and the distinct musk of his cigarettes filled your lungs. The scent was comforting, albeit a little suffocating, but it smelled exactly like him, and that's what you loved about it. His living room was lit solely by the rays of light shining through the balcony's sliding glass door.

He wobbled past you, and before he sunk down on the couch, you noticed how he was clutching his side. "There's beer in the fridge if you want one," He said, grabbing a can from the coffee table in front of him.

You rolled your eyes, but decided to take him up on that offer, walking over to the kitchen. "Isn't it bad to drink while you're recovering?"

Aki brought the can to his lips, head tilted back as he took a drink. After a swallow, he simply stated, "It helps take the edge off."

After rummaging around in the fridge, you grabbed a beer can of your own, cracking it open with a satisfying hiss. The bitter taste of alcohol pricked at your throat when you took a sip, and as you made your way to the living room, you looked at Aki again. He didn't look to be in much pain, but he was still holding his stomach like something was sore there. His expression was plagued by exhaustion and his hair was in total disarray. He probably hadn't even brushed it since he got home. Most curiously, his arm was wrapped in bandages stained a dark red from dried blood.

"Aki, are you alright?" You asked, plopping next to him, the couch sinking under your weight.

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine." You snapped back after his curt response, pointing to his arm as he brought the beer can to his mouth again, "How'd you get that? Have you been changing your bandages at all?"

"I fed the Fox Devil flesh from my arm in exchange for using its power."

"You didn't answer my second question."

Aki looked away, unresponsive. There was your answer, you supposed. You took another swig of your beer before setting it on the table and pushing yourself up.

"Where are you going?" Aki asked, peering up at you.

"Bathroom."

This was far from the first time you'd hung out at Aki's place, so you knew exactly where the bathroom was. You dug through all the cabinets and drawers until you found everything you were looking for: a roll of bandages, a bottle of rubbing alcohol, a washcloth, and his hairbrush.

When you returned, Aki immediately saw everything you were holding and a slight look of annoyance formed on his face. "You don't have to-"

"Come on, let me help you." You interrupted, setting everything down on the table besides the brush, which you held in your hand. "Face forward, I'm gonna brush your hair first."

Aki gave a few more flustered comments, but you ignored them. You stood behind him and grabbed his chin when he tried to twist around, tilting his head back until it was forwards. Realizing there was no sense in fighting you, Aki sighed rather dramatically and reluctantly kept still, allowing you to run the hair brush through his tangles.

You were gentle, as much as you possibly could be, anyways. Aki tried his hardest to keep still. It was impossible for you to tell from this angle, but if you could see his flushed face, you would know he was totally embarrassed. Not embarrassed enough to stop you though, of course. It's fine if you wanted to brush his hair, because he definitely wasn't enjoying this and his heart definitely wasn't pounding right now.

"Hey, Aki, I have something I've been meaning to ask you."

"Yeah, what is it?"

Oh, were you finally going to ask him about his last words? It's okay, he already prepared what he was going to say, so it'd be fine. It'd be awkward, but he'll get over it, you'll get over it, and everything will go back to normal.

"On our last mission, why did you step in front of me?"

Why did he… do what? For a second, Aki was taken aback. This isn't what he expected you to say, not at all, in fact. Was this really all you were wondering about?

At first, he isn't sure why. In the heat of the moment, the only thing in control was his reflexes, and when he protected you, he did so without a conscious thought. But the more he thought about it, the more the answer became obvious to him.

Aki is used to losing partners. It's nothing new, and even though he tells himself he's not going to get attached, he always does. When they die, reduced to nothing but ash, their souls burn on in his memory, haunting him until he drowns in salty tears and the thick smoke of another cigarette. They're replaced with hardly any time given to mourn, and the cycle repeats itself. The world discards them, but he never will.

The thing is, you're not just another partner to him. You're not just someone who can be easily replaced. You meant so much to him, more than you would ever really know. If you died, you'd be taking a piece of him with you, and the void left behind is one he would never be able to fill again. Not with anyone else. Not with the cigarettes or the alcohol or the rush from fighting devils. Nothing else would compare.

Aki is tired of this, and he realized he was a long time ago. He's sick of the world giving him something he thinks he can cherish, but no matter how tight he holds on, it always ends up slipping away, right between his grasp. He can't do this anymore. He can't sit back and be complacent, allowing the cycle to repeat itself over and over again until everything he finds beautiful is wilted, all right before his eyes. He can't sit back and let this shitty world win.

He doesn't care about all the pain he's in now. The temporary sting from this injury doesn't compare to how much it hurts to lose someone he cares about, a wound that aches everlasting. And he knows he could have died, he knows the feeling of death to an uncomfortable degree. But if keeping you safe means giving up his life for yours, he'd do it in a heartbeat, and he did.

Hah, finally, he understands her now. He finally gets all those letters he read that day, why she wanted him to quit so badly, why she kept him alive. This was what she must have been feeling back then, wasn't it? And when he protected you, must he have been feeling the same emotions she was?

"Aki, did you hear me?"

"I did it because I didn't want to see you hurt."

You stopped for a moment, before exhaling a long sigh. "I don't want to see you hurt either, you know. You could have died."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, just next time, let's both be more careful. I don't want you dying on me any time soon."

Aki didn't say anything back, half expecting you to ask him something else, but the discussion stagnated.

I don't want you dying on me any time soon. How could one little sentence carry so much weight? He'll try, God, he'll try. He'll do anything and everything in his power to stay with you for as long as he can.

By this point, you finished brushing out his hair, and it was soft to the touch when you ran your fingers through to make sure you didn't miss any knots. One thing's for sure, it looked a hell of a lot better than when you started.

"All done," You said while moving to stand in front of him, setting the brush down on the table, "I'm going to do your bandages now, take off your shirt."

"Huh?"

"I said I'm going to do your bandages now. I'll do the wound on your side first since that's gonna be the harder one."

"No, no," Aki shook his head, reaching for the bandages, "I'll do it."

You promptly put your hand on his and pushed it away. "No, you won't. Aki, please. Let me help you."

Although his mouth opened like he was about to argue, he ultimately kept it shut, the pleading tone in your voice convincing him. He sunk back on the couch and his gaze avoided yours as he reached down, grasping the hem of his shirt and pulling it up and over his head, the faintest blush dusted on his cheeks when he tossed it aside.

It's the first time you've seen Aki without a shirt, and under it, he's a lot more fit than you expected him to be. His body is lean, but with defined muscle. Especially in his biceps, which you would assume is from wielding a sword. Bruises kissed his skin and scars decorated every last inch. You could imagine each one telling a different story: some of sorrow, some of triumph, but all a reminder that through everything, he lived. Just below his ribs, stained bandages were wrapped tightly.

"Uhm, how should I…" You stood in front of him, leaning down, attempting to figure out the best way to go about this. After feeling around, you located the end of the bandage, pulling on it and beginning to unwrap it from around his body. You could see the gentle rise and fall of his chest and hear the sound of his breathing: soft, and a little shaky. The angle was awkward and quickly caused an ache in your back, so to alleviate it, you rested your knee on his legs.

When the last of the bandage was unwrapped, you finally got a good look at his wound, and the only thing you could think was this would definitely leave his biggest scar yet. The cut was sealed by stitches and travelled up the length of his abdomen, dried blood coated around it.

You took the bottle of rubbing alcohol from the table, then the washcloth, pouring a small amount onto the surface. When you turned back to him, you decided the easiest way to continue would be to climb into his lap.

Aki couldn't hide the blush on his cheeks anymore, nor could he stifle the way his breath hitched when he felt your weight settle on top of him. You were so close, way too close, and when you shuffled against him, his entire face suddenly felt very, very hot. He could feel the warmth all the way from his cheeks to the tips of his ears.

"Alright, this is probably going to hurt. Are you ready?"

"Uh, yeah."

God, why was he so embarrassed? Why couldn't he calm down? His heart was thrumming against his ribcage, pounding so hard he wouldn't be surprised if you could hear it through his chest like he could hear it in his eardrums. With you pressed up against his lap, he could admire the details on your face like he never could before. The curve of your nose, (Was it always so perfect?) the color of your eyes, (Were they always this beautiful?) each and every mark and… and he didn't know where the hell to put his hands. Maybe he should… No, it'd be best if he just-

"Ow! Holy fucking shit that hurts, why didn't you warn me?!"

"I did, you dumbass."

The second you pressed the rag to his cut, a sharp sting shot through him and he flinched back instinctively. When you pressed it to him again, he tensed up and subsequently jerked away.

"Aki, you need to hold still."

"Sorry."

You gave him a second to compose himself before trying once more. Aki winced and swore under his breath, but he was able to keep still this time. You cleaned around his wound carefully, taking the washcloth away to give him a break whenever he squirmed or made it obvious he was in pain. Searching for something to hold onto, he grabbed your shoulder, squeezing tight to ground himself.

"You shouldn't have left the hospital so early, this looks horrible." You ascertain.

"I- shit, ow… I need to get back to work, I've-" He cuts himself off with a sharp intake of air, "I've lost enough time already."

The pain stung like all hell, but there was something about being looked after by you that felt nice, almost calming, in a way. There was also something about how you fit in his lap that felt so, so right. Aki could hardly get over that feeling, and when he was squirming too much so you gently held his waist to keep him still, your soft touch against his bare skin was tender and heavenly and perfect. Any more of this, and his heart might pop like a balloon.

"I'm almost done," You said softly, your tone comforting, "You're doing good, hang in there for me."

Aki gave a quick nod and you continued. You cleaned the entire length of the wound, and once you thought your work was sufficient, the next thing you grabbed from the table was the fresh roll of bandages. You began wrapping them around him, winding them up the width of his body once, then twice, then a third time for good measure. When you were finished, you asked him, "Are you okay?"

Aki merely nodded again.

"Are the bandages too tight?"

He shook his head. You secured the bandage with a knot, and when you started to slide off of him, Aki suddenly stopped you by grabbing your arm.

He can't let this moment end. Not right now. Not when he needs it. Not when he's needed you for so long.

"Wait," He said nervously, swallowing, "Can we… Can we stay like this for a little bit longer?"

You smiled, "Of course."

You slid back into his lap, carefully straddling him, and Aki couldn't help but feel the way your body connected to his was like puzzle pieces finally fitting together. He's not sure if he planned to or if it was purely by natural reflex, but he was a slight bit bolder this time when he allowed his hands to find your waist and hold it faintly through the fabric of your clothes.

"Are you alright?" You asked him.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just really missed you."

To be honest, that didn't even begin to scratch the surface. Aki missed you so goddamn much. He longed for your touch, for your mere presence alone. To have you in his lap now was a blessing, and what he didn't tell you was on that day, when he woke up at the hospital and you wrapped your arms around him, the feeling which leapt through his heart was the most he's felt in a long, long time.

Fuck, he was so stupid. Why did he ever try to push you away? Why did he think that was a good idea?

"I missed you too." You replied.

"I'm sorry, I should have called you."

"Aki," You said with a half-hearted laugh, "It's okay."

"No," Aki shook his head, his eyebrows furrowing, "It's not, and I'm sorry. It's not okay for me to get hurt so badly I'm out for three days, or for me to ignore you, and I won't let it happen again. I promise."

His expression seemed to soften, and the next thing to leave his mouth was spoken a little quieter, a little softer, and much, much warmer.

"I don't ever want to be apart from you, not for that long. You matter too much to me."

The way he said it so genuinely took you by surprise and ignited a little feeling inside your heart. It was a few seconds before you responded, "I don't want to be apart from you either."

The room grew silent, and in between the two of you, only deep breaths and lingering gazes behind heavy blinks of eyelashes were exchanged. The sun is nearly set by now, the day nearly spent. Twilight casts the faintest lush glow of orange on half of Aki's face, and the other is obscured by the dark shadow the light creates. The way it makes him look is practically ethereal, and your hand starts to drag up, up, until you're caressing his jawline, cupping his cheek, feeling warmth radiate from his skin when he leans into your touch.

Aki's not really sure what it was, or how it happened, but something fell into place right then. A want turned into a need turned into a desire, and Aki knew, he knew he was done for, but quite frankly, he didn't care.

He shouldn't be doing this, should he? His fingers shouldn't be trailing under your shirt. They shouldn't be shaking, climbing slowly upwards until he can study your waist, the dip of your sides, the outline of your ribs. He shouldn't be losing himself to you, nor should he be allowing you to touch him so earnestly, so intimately.

With one hand, you toy with the piercings on his earlobes, and the other you run up the back of his neck, tangling it in his hair until he can feel tingles throughout his scalp. Meanwhile, he touches you with the delicacy of feather-light fingertips against your skin, like he was scared you might shatter if he wasn't careful, and the nervousness of unsure movements and trembling hands. And when he does so, he shouldn't be wanting more. If he shouldn't be doing this, why did it feel so good, and so right?

All he knew anymore was right now he wanted, no, he needed you, more of you. More of your touch, more of everything you'd be willing to give him, and then some. He needed you to take him somewhere far away from this world, because when you touch him like this, he doesn't feel empty anymore. He doesn't want it to end, even if he should, even if it would be the smarter choice. Truth is, he's been cold inside ever since that snowy day, and this is the most warmth in his soul he thinks he's felt since then.

You're his partner, nothing more. But in this space away from reality, inhabited by just the two of you, the world of devils doesn't really fucking matter.

Maybe it's because he was a little tipsy, or maybe it's just because he was high on you, but his mind was a dream-filled haze, and with a budding, lovesick ache in his chest, Aki felt words blossom until they were falling from his mouth like petals, words he thought he would never say again.

"I love you."

It came so naturally, as did his affectionate hold on your chin between his thumb and finger, as did the way you whispered I love you too in return without missing a beat.

Do you? It felt like a dream, but if it was, this was one Aki definitely didn't want to wake up from.

I do, always have. It wasn't a dream, it was real. You loved him. You said you loved him, and he didn't even know how to process it. He didn't know where to begin. But with you right here, he didn't think, he didn't complicate it, he just believed you. He let his heart take control and allowed everything to unfold.

His eyes dropped to your lips, and then gravity started to pull him in closer, closer, listlessly, his hand seeming to guide you forwards in the same way. His voice was quiet when he asked, Can I kiss you? and your response only came in the form of eyes fluttering closed and your mouth pressed against his.

His lips were soft, hesitant, woven with sparks, filled with a longing he didn't even know he had, and to him, yours felt like a dizzying sense of relief. All of his longing, all of his infatuation. All of the times he was so close to you but stopped himself from doing anything more. All of the indirect kisses shared through sticks of cigarettes. All of it led up to this. And yet, the moment was cut short when he pulled away almost as quickly as he leaned in.

When you met his gaze, you smiled, and told him, "You can kiss me like you really mean it, you know."

"Like… Like how?"

"Like this."

Your lips sought his again, but this time they pressed harder, for longer. In between struggles for breath, your mouths parted. Suddenly, your hands were becoming lost in his hair and he was kissing you much deeper than he ever could have expected or imagined. He tasted vaguely like cigarettes and beer, the ones you both always smoke, the kind you both always drink. Comfortingly familiar.

It had been forever since he'd kissed someone, and never since he'd been kissed like this, so everything was clumsy and messy. The dance became one you were teaching him how to do, and eventually, he started to get the hang of it. He was hesitant at first, but when he pulled you closer by your waist and you rocked your hips hard against where he was stiff beneath you, all nervousness and any attempt to control himself went out the window.

Sucking on your tongue has him feeling lightheaded, and with soft sighs and gasps echoed between each other, it was then that Aki realized: you didn't just taste like his cigarettes, you felt like them too. Your lips on his felt like the way nicotine soothes your lungs, working its way into your blood until you're left hopelessly addicted.

When you pulled apart, he was breathing heavily, eyes filled with lust and an almost divine sense of adoration. Your hand pressed to his chest, the steady beat of his heart thrumming beneath, and you pushed him until he settled backwards. Tender kisses were blessed to his cheek, his jaw, his neck, where he tilted his head up to give you better access, and then you kissed the Adam's apple in his throat, where he let out the sweetest whine.

Your lips traced downwards, and where they did, they wrote words Aki wished he could etch forever into his skin. There was a kiss on his collarbone, then one on his chest, over a faded scar. Another, on top of a bruise, and although still sore, the pain was drowned out by tingles of pleasure.

If it's possible for heaven to exist on Earth, Aki thinks this might be what it's like.

Somewhere down the line, his hand met yours. When exactly? He doesn't know, but what he does know is your fingers fit into the crooks of his too perfectly to be a coincidence. He knows it's ridiculous, but it has him thinking perhaps, his hands weren't meant to summon devils or hold the hilt of a blade. They were meant for something more like this.

Somewhere down the line more, he's asking, Can I touch you? and the hand that's free is moving on its own the second he sees you nod, his palm exploring wherever it oh so desperately wants to. It slips under your bra, caressing and squeezing your breasts, rolling the nipple between delicate fingers. Callouses morph his touch into a mix of rough and gentle, providing the slightest bitter reminder.

A moment of clarity finally befalls him when he notices your fingers playing with the drawstrings of his pants. A moment which whispers to him, Hey, this is your last chance to get a grip, are you going to take it? He chooses to pretend he didn't hear.

Actually, he chooses to go directly against the little voice in his head when he grabs your hand, his fingertips brushing against your knuckles as he starts to guide it down, down, right to where he's craving it to be. There's a gnawing hunger for more that festers in his heart, in his stomach, and in between his legs and… For fuck's sake, when did he get so hard? He's so turned on it hurts… Was all of this just from a little kissing?

He's hopeless. Way more hopeless than he thought, way more needy than he thought. And who can blame him? No-one has ever touched him like this or loved him so strongly, not once in his life. Certainly you can't blame him for being a little desperate.

So if he wants you to touch him, you will. If he wants you to make him feel good, you'll make him feel even better, all because he deserves it. He works so goddamn hard, he's been through so much. He deserves to be happy, he deserves to be pleasured, he deserves to be loved. He deserves to have a break from how horrible the world can be and indulge in something much sweeter.

You know exactly what he needs, and so, you give it to him. Grant him a little taste to hold over his appetite. And God, when you do, Aki's mind is so far down the gutter there's truly no hope of saving him. (Not like there ever really was, anyway.)

"Fuck," Aki swears under his breath once you palm the shape of his dick through his pants, nearly stuttering. When he speaks again, his voice is barely uttering the words, but they roll off his mouth so effortlessly that he hardly knows what he's saying anymore. "Right there baby, just like that, holy shit…"

It doesn't take long before his legs are starting to squirm and his head is tossed back, needy moans punctuated by his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. His hand flies to cover his mouth in an attempt to muffle the noise, and his hips rut upwards in a desperate plea for friction. Even though you're only rubbing him through his sweatpants, the feeling that pumps through his veins, settles in his core: it's addictive. He can feel himself sitting thick and heavy against his thigh, leaking out all over it. Your touch feels so damn good he doesn't even notice when your hand slips down, past the hem, until it starts feeling a whole hell of a lot better.

One less layer of fabric makes all the difference. You can feel the outline of his cock more prominently, big and incredibly hard, the cotton of his boxers damp and slightly see-through over the tip. He needs something to hold onto, anything, so he grabs your waist with a firm, white-knuckled grip. The way you're squeezing him and rolling your palm is driving him fucking crazy and he knows he can't hold back anymore, not when it feels this amazing, not when he wants it this bad. All it takes is one more grind into your hand before he's on the edge, and when everything is tumbling over, he's riding it out and letting it happen.

Cries of your name are entangled with gasps for air as he finishes, cumming right in his boxers. His back arches into you, his entire body tensing before it abruptly goes limp. His moans are so perfect, and the way he whimpers even after his release is absolutely adorable.

You give him a moment to catch his breath and recollect himself, his chest rising and falling with force. You reach up, brushing his messy hair from his face and tucking it behind his ears. Then, you lean forward, lips connecting with the nape of his neck. The skin gives between your teeth, and he sighs when you softly suck a deep mark, one you know will last 'til morning.

He must be so pent up. That's the only explanation behind him cumming before he's barely been touched, before you've barely even done anything. He must have never been touched by anyone like this. Hell, he probably didn't even touch himself like this. There must be so much built up tension, so much that he's starved for any kind of touch, so much that he'd get hard from just a kiss, from just you sitting in his lap.

You want to touch him more, give him more, give him everything until he's whole again. You can help him relieve some of that tension, couldn't you?

You pull back, admiring the bloom of dark purple on his neck, before kissing his jaw. Then, you trail up, where you nibble at the metal piercing on his earlobe, kiss the shell of his ear, and whisper, "Can you keep going?"

Aki's mind is in a complete daze when he answers, his voice light, like he's high, "Yeah…"

Your thumb hooks around the waistband of his pants and the briefs he's made a mess out of, and he raises his hips to help you pull both garments down just as far as necessary. You know his dick wants to come free so bad, and when it does, it springs up and taps against his abdomen.

Aki can hear you spit into your hand, hear his heart pounding in his ears like a drum. He knows what you're going to do, but he's still nervous. The anticipation might kill him, but he's too embarrassed to look, so when your hand suddenly wraps around him, the surprise causes him to jolt and his breath to catch in his throat.

His pretty cock has a certain weight to it, a certain curve and thickness which makes your fist fit perfectly around it. Paying careful attention to the high he just came down from, you stroke him slowly, gently, almost in a lazy manner, sliding off of his lap and making yourself comfortable beside him so you're able to get a more desirable grip. The mixture of his slick and your spit is enough to make your hand glide up and down easily, echoing a soft, wet sound. Your shoulder is pressed to his, and here, you're able to utter the quietest of words into his ear.

"Does it feel good?"

Aki nods. "Mhmm…"

"How good? Tell me."

"Really good, really really good… Ah, fuck-" Aki momentarily cuts himself off when your palm swipes against the sensitive tip, his hips rocking upwards desperately, "Please, don't stop."

It feels amazing. Being touched by someone else like this, and that someone being the one he's so desperately in love with. It's like nothing he's ever felt before. It's making his head spin, like he can see stars. He's already fully hard again, and he can feel himself fucking throbbing.

"Do you want more?"

"Yes…" Aki groans between sucks of air through his teeth. He's thrusting into your tight grip shamelessly now, his dick sliding in and out of the hole you've made with your fingers, to the point where you don't even have to move it anymore. He's whining, getting himself off on your hand and dribbling precum all over it, all by his own doing.

"What do you want?"

"I- You- I…" His attempts to get the words out mostly end in failure until you hear him swallow, and with a sigh, he admits, "I want to fuck you."

His comment is direct, way more inappropriate than you thought possible for him to say, and goes straight between your legs. It's hard to keep up your previous confidence now, but still, you tease, "Do you? How bad do you want it?"

"I want it so bad, I want more of you, I want to be inside you," Aki begs, each sentence punctuated by a breath as he fucks your hand, "I need you so goddamn much. You don't understand."

"Yeah? You wanna fuck me so badly, huh? I can tell."

"Yes, yes… Fuck- I'm gonna cum again, I'm gonna cum, oh my God-"

You jerk him off as his thrusts take on an unsteady rhythm and all of the sudden, Aki is falling apart in your grasp, moaning as he cums all over his chest and his stomach. It shoots out in ropes, and even when he thinks he's done, it still drips out of his cock, coating your hand and making your fingers sticky. And after everything, even once he's came, he's still half-way hard and thrusting slowly into your hand like he can't get enough.

You abruptly take your hand off of him and he whines in dismay. You lick your fingers first, then shift back on his lap and bend down, dragging your tongue from the bottom to the top. Over his stomach, over his bandages, up his abs and over his chest, all the way until he's squirming and you've licked up every last drop of his cum.

When you're finished, you comment, "I think I understand a little."

"Huh?" Aki replies, still catching his breath.

"I mean I understand when you said you need me."

"Do I make it that obvious?"

You smirk and plant a faint kiss on his lips, one that makes his heart jump a little in his chest, and then pull back to speak against them, "You always have."

Aki grabs your chin and goes to drag you in for another, but he's interrupted when you're blabbering, "Wait, wait, wait, wait," and pulling yourself away from him.

"What?"

You point to where his arm is wrapped in bandages, "I need to take care of that. I'll give you what you want after."

Aki can't even attempt to hide his disappointment before it's plastered all over his face. "Are you serious? Can't it wait?"

"You're not going to want to do it later, so no, it can't."

Ugh, he knows you're right. Once he gets started with you, he's not going to be able to stop, and either you're going to forget, or both of you are going to end up too exhausted. He knows he has to listen to you, but fuck if it isn't frustrating to have to control himself right now. Honestly, he's not sure if he can, and he definitely doesn't want to. He needs you and he's tired of waiting any longer, so he brazenly asks, "Can you do it while I'm inside? On my lap?"

You brush off the vulgarity of his comment as to not let it affect you, but it's hard to ignore the feeling between your legs when you start to imagine it. "I can't multitask like that. I want this as badly as you do, you know."

"I won't move. I just want to feel you."

He seems awfully sure of himself with that statement, so sure you almost believe him, so sure you're starting to consider it…

"Are you sure you can't wait?"

"I can't."

"You're annoyingly stubborn, you know that?"

Aki watched your hands find the bottom of your shirt, where you grasped at the hem and pulled, wrestling it and your bra over your head before tossing both articles of clothing in a heap on the floor. You reached for your pants next, and he asked, "Is that a yes then?"

"It will be if you help me." Came your reply, your pants and underwear discarded at the same time, just as hastily.

"With what…?"

Your answer comes in the form of you straddling him, grabbing his hand, and bringing his fingers to your lips.

The sight that follows is one Aki simply cannot begin to tear his eyes away from. It's a bit befuddling at first: the way your mouth parts, and the way you lick a prudent stripe of saliva up the length of his middle and ring finger. When you take the digits further, pushing them down your throat, wet and hot tongue swirling around them, Aki's breath gets caught in his lungs, and it's there that he realizes what you're trying to do.

His gaze remains fixated to the display. You're sucking on his fingers, gagging, practically choking on them with tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. They're getting all wet and messy with your spit and drool. It's such a fucking cocktease, and it's making him imagine things he shouldn't be imagining, but things he absolutely needs. He doesn't protest when you drag his fingers out, prop yourself up on your knees, and proceed to guide them right between your legs.

Aki has no idea what to do and he's totally transfixed by you, so he allows you to press them inside you, and then he follows your lead, shoving them in the rest of the way. You groan when his fingers fill you, leaning over and whispering quietly in his ear, reassuring him, "I'll show you what to do, it's okay."

You've taken his fingers all the way down to the knuckle. They're slender, trained, and fucking long, much longer than yours. They reach so deep inside, feel so amazing stretching you out.

Aki really, really wants to make you feel good, and that's the only thing running through his mind as he concentrates fully on you. On the feeling of your cunt around his fingers, on your moans, on your beautiful face. He needs to return the favor for you, and he desperately wants to see how you look when you're overwhelmed by pleasure, hear how you sound when you can't hold back, and he wants all of it to be because of him.

So he pays the closest attention. His fingers are slick from your saliva and spit, and he takes note of the way you're pressing them in and out. When you instruct him to curl them, he does so, and when you're screaming, There! Right there! he commits that spot, that movement of his fingers to memory.

He's a rather fast learner. You understood this when you kissed him, but with the way he's working you, massaging that perfect spot inside again and again, you've become aware of it even more so. Your instructions were no longer needed, and Aki took the liberty of fucking you with his fingers all on his own, scissoring them, until you're getting wetter and wetter around the digits. They're so damn good to you, so perfect, as perfect as the way they sit between the crooks of your own. Surely, his hands were made for you.

"So wet… It's squeezing so much." He mumbled quietly, half to himself, almost as if he's in awe.

Searching for more stimulation, you maneuvered a hand to your clit, rubbing tight, hasty circles. Aki noticed your movement and your noises starting to pick up, so he innocently asked, "Can you show me what you're doing?"

When you grab his hand and pull him out of you, Aki can feel the resistance, as if his fingers are being sucked back inside, and the thoughts that immediately manifest in his head would be enough to send him to hell ten times over. They come out covered in your slick, and you press them to your clit carefully.

It takes him a little bit longer until he's got a good grasp on this one. He keeps a slow, deliberate pace, mindful of how your body reacts and the manner you're guiding him. He doesn't always find the sweet spot at first, but each time he manages to, it feels like utter bliss. In due time, he begins to pull more noises from you, and when your focus starts to shift from teaching him to grinding against his fingers, searching for more of your own pleasure, he starts to take the initiative.

His fingers rub precise halos right where he can tell you're most sensitive. They're so disciplined, so dead on, and fuck, he's teasing you with them. Rubbing your clit determinedly before slowing down, stopping, edging, before starting up again, and repeating the process. His dick aches just by watching you and knowing he's making you come undone in this way, so he's trying to draw this out, make this last as long as possible.

"Is this good?" Aki asks curiously, sweetly.

"Yes! It feels amazing, oh my God, Aki-"

His name falling so deliciously from your lips makes his heart flutter before it goes right between his legs, making his cock throb. It's an abrupt, awkward realization when Aki notices he's been dribbling precum all over his abdomen, and probably all over his bandages too. Damn, between that and him finishing all over them, he's created more work for you, hasn't he?

Your knees feel like they're going to give out, so you rest your hands on Aki's shoulders for support. Your breath is coming out in ragged gasps as you feel your release already close, and when your head dips, Aki is using his free hand to hold you up, support you, lovingly muttering into your ear, "I wanna make you cum baby. Are you gonna cum all over my fingers?"

Everything in your core builds to a fever pitch, and all at once, you're wrapping your arms around him as you finish, clumsily grinding your hips against whatever part of his hand you can find, making it messy. His arm goes around your back, and he praises while you tremble, voice smooth and resolute, "Just like that baby, just like that. You're so beautiful when you cum."

Aki holds you while you come down, and you almost, almost forgot what your objective was going into all this, until you can feel the bandages on his arm rubbing against your bare back. You're a bit reluctant to move, but you'd be lying if you said you weren't eager for more, eager to get his cock inside you. His fingers were one thing, but they weren't enough, and almost as if he can read your mind, Aki whispers low and breathy into your ear, "Do you want my dick, sweetheart?"

He's asking you, but it's mostly his way of telling you, of prompting you. Telling you he wants you too, right now. And God you want it, need it, and you really don't need him to tell you twice.

Your hand finds his cock and he sighs as you pump the length a few times, getting it wet with his precum. It's so hard, thick, and throbbing steadily beneath your palm. With how needy he is, it's impossible to tell he already came two times before this.

You grasp the base and hover your hips over him, aligning it until the tip presses right against your entrance, prodding, teasing, so close but not quite and making your cunt pulse around nothing. He grabs your chin, tilting your head until he can look at you. His eyes meet yours, and behind the kind, cerulean gaze, is nothing but lust and desire.

"Do you want it?" He asks again, unflinching.

"Yes, I want it, yes…"

"Then take all of it."

Aki grabs your waist and pulls, guiding you to sink down on his cock. He's whimpering the moment he's inside of you, but he doesn't get greedy, continuing to drag you down awfully slow as he opts to enjoy the feeling of filling you up inch by inch.

Your cunt is squeezing him so much, sucking him in, taking all of him so well. He's not sure what to focus on: your beautiful face contorted in pleasure, eyelids fluttering closed, or the near addictive view of his dick becoming buried further and further inside. The sight is somehow enough to make him even harder, and he can't contain himself from rolling his hips upward in tandem with pulling you on him further.

It's you, it's him inside you, and holy shit, it's a feeling that's hardly set in yet. It doesn't hit him fully until he's stuffed in to the hilt, filling your stomach, with your weight settled on top of him. In this moment, it feels as though now, more than ever, the love he'd kept hidden for so long is finally tangible, finally real. He almost moves, nearly thrusts up, but he stutters and stops himself before he can once he sees you reaching behind you for the roll of bandages.

Fuck, he almost forgot.

"These first," You gesture to the bandage wrapped around his sides, speaking through ragged breaths, "You got them filthy."

"Sorry."

Despite the calm veneer you're trying your best to maintain, it's clear you're hurrying, unwrapping the bandages with haste and a hint of desperation. They're tossed to the side without a care when you're done. Aki's chest heaves with every shaky breath, so you instruct him to hold it, otherwise the bandages won't be secure. He complies, and when he does, he can hear his heartbeat in his ears, feel it pulse in his dick; it's near agonizing to keep still, and he hardly can.

When you're finished there, you reach for his arm next. Thankfully, this wound isn't anywhere near as bad as his other one, but the press of the rag against it is still enough to give him a sharp sting. Trying to avoid hurting him too much, you slow down a bit and focus, well, as much focus as the situation will allow.

Aki shifts beneath you, his hips fidgeting, fingers of his hand still held deft to your waist drumming against your skin just to keep himself busy. You can tell he's desperate for something more when you feel him twitch inside your stomach. Right now, he's so enthralled in you, in the feeling of being inside you, in being one with you. It's not long before the pain blends with pleasure and he doesn't even notice it anymore. He'll let you do whatever you want to his arm while he stares at you, drinking in the view like this'll be his last time seeing it.

You wrap the roll of bandages around his arm once. He's shuddering, and he can't resist rutting his hips up a bit, just barely so that you won't notice, but just enough to get an ounce of relief.

Twice. You've almost wrapped up the length of his arm. One more time, just one more time around and he'll get to fuck you.

Three times. He's so dizzy the room is spinning.

Four times. Fucking hell, he can't handle being teased like this, was now really the time to be this thorough?

Finally, finally, after the fifth time, you wrap the last of the bandage around his arm, tear it off and tie it. The second you've tossed the roll aside, his hands are grabbing fistfuls of your hair to pull your lips onto his. The kiss is frantic, sloppy, and he's using way too much tongue, but you don't have the time to correct him, nor does he have the patience to be corrected.

When Aki pulls away, he wipes the spit from his mouth with the back of his hand while thrusting into you, wasting no time at all to satisfy everything he'd been craving and fulfill the pleasure he was desperately waiting for. His grip on your waist guides you to bounce shallowly on his cock. He doesn't let you go up far before he's dragging you back down again, longing to stay deep inside you. Each press down has his eyes threatening to roll back into his head, and each thrust up has him moaning a pathetic string of swears, practically whining between every word.

"Fuck, fuck… You feel so- a-ah, fucking good baby, oh my God-"

He reaches so deep inside you, and when he guides your body by your waist, it's not only for him, but for your needs as well. He tilts, curved cock fucking into you at just the right angle to hit the perfect spot like he was made for it. His hips are moving with reckless abandon now, rolling upwards to an unsteady, ragged rhythm. You hold his face, caress his parted lips with your thumb, feel his hot breath ghosting against your skin, and suddenly, he stops. His hips halt as he firmly holds you still, and his voice is rough, a bit hoarse when he gasps out, "Can we change positions?"

You're a bit confused, but give an affirming nod. Aki pulls you off of him gently, slowly, savoring the feeling for as long as he can. When he's out, he uses his strength to easily twist you around until your back is on the couch and he's oriented above you, pulling his pants and boxers off the rest of the way and discarding them on the floor. Long, dark hair falls over his face in a mess, and he reaches up to comb a hand through, pushing it out of his vision so he can see all of you properly.

"Are you okay with this? Are you comfortable?" Aki asks at barely more than a whisper, his eyes locked onto yours as he grips your thighs and tenderly pushes them open. When the couch has no more space to provide and your leg is about to slip off, he grabs it and tosses it over his shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm okay," You answer, continuing to say, "Aki, don't push yourself. You're still injured, remember?"

"I won't, I'll go slow. Don't worry." He affirms with the faintest smile.

Aki's never been dirty-minded, but when he looks at you, allows his hands to take to your body, palms gliding up every curve of your form, his mind can't help but wander. You bring out something in him that he's never experienced before, something that makes him want to have his way with you. It's awfully strange to him, that feeling of wanting, of yearning. For so long, he's wanted a lot of things and never got them, but he's never desired something this selfish before. Every second of your time, every inch of your body, your everything, he wants all to himself. It feels good to want something, someone.

Aki's never been much of a daydreamer, either, but he can't say he hasn't imagined this from time to time. Meaningless sex has never appealed to him, but sex with someone you trust, with someone you truly love, deeply and passionately, is another story. Being as close and as vulnerable as possible to another person, giving them all of you, and they trust you enough to give themselves in return; it's something he's always desired to experience at least once in his life before he dies.

Yeah, maybe he shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't have let it get this far from the start. But after a lifetime of never being selfish, never getting anything he wanted, right now, what he should or should not be doing doesn't matter. All that matters is you under him.

His hands settle on your hips, adjusting them until they're lined up with him, and then he leans down to murmur, "Are you ready?" And all that matters is the way you whisper back, "Yes, Aki, please, give it to me. I need you."

That's all it takes. That's all it takes before there's no going back, and Aki is fully drowning in this sensation of utter want and utter desperation. He's so easy to convince when it comes to you, always has been, and if you're telling him that you need him? Being needed by you is the best feeling in the world, and when you ask him like that, he couldn't deny you any longer even if he wanted to.

Aki presses inside you steadily, colliding his mouth with yours and stealing a quick kiss to silence his moans, his hair tickling your face as he does. You're still so wet, and he slides in easy, filling you up until his hips are flush with yours and your legs are wrapping around his back, crossed at the ankles. When he pulls away, he notices your arms splayed above your head. He grabs your hand, linking his fingers with yours, his grip tight, safe, and familiar. Warm, for the first time in a long time.

Aki doesn't move, not at first. He catches his breath, stares at you, at your face, admires everything he finds perfect about it. He can't stop himself from smiling now, and from the way you're smiling back, he's sure he must look like an idiot. So he lets his head fall, burying his face in the nape of your neck, softly mumbling, "God, you're so beautiful."

When he finally does start moving, every drag of his cock out is done at an exceptionally slow, meticulous pace, and once he presses back in, he puts his full weight behind the roll of his hips, shoving himself as deep inside as he can possibly get. His breath is hot and quivering when he moans into your skin.

"Oh my God," Aki whines, "You're so fucking good to me baby, feels so good… Can I go faster? Please?"

It wasn't much of a question, more like a heads-up, because before you're even telling him yes, Aki's moving faster. He bites at your neck as he becomes a bit rougher, a bit less contained, but steady; he's still holding back. He leaves impressions of his teeth and places wet, open-mouthed kisses all over your neck, sending a tingle up your spine. Finally, he gives you one last kiss before he draws himself away, his eyes immediately connecting with yours.

He's so damn pretty. Everything about him is pretty, from his staggered whimpers and moans in pleasure, to the lovely mark you've left on his neck, to his messy dark hair. It frames his face perfectly, and loose strands he has to keep pushing out of the way stick to his forehead from sweat. No-one gets to see him like this, with his hair down, since at work, he makes a habit of always keeping it up in his topknot. At work, he's a totally different person: the Division's strongest, coldest Devil Hunter. But here? He's just yours.

You're the only one. The only person who knows how pretty he is, and what he's really, truly like, under all that coldness. You know it's just a facade, and underneath everything, he's just someone who wants to be loved. All he desires is a little bit of intimacy, a little taste of something normal, just to feel something. Perhaps, you're the only one who understands, or perhaps, his warmth is something you draw out of him.

You bet you're definitely the only one who gets to see what his face looks like when he's all hot and bothered, though.

Aki's tempo is quickening more, the couch starting to creak under the pressure. He's breathing harder, and he chokes out as he fucks into you, through gasps of air, "I know you can be louder than that sweetheart… Don't hold back… Let me hear you."

If what he wants is to hear you, that's what he's going to get, and he's going to get all of it.

"Aki! Fuck!" You cry out, and you swear you hear him start to hold back his own whines so he can focus on yours. "It feels so good-"

"Yeah?" He teases, a little smirk present on his face. He still hasn't broken eye contact with you, fawning over you with blown pupils and a half-lidded gaze like he's so unbelievably head over heels. His voice is light, bordering on a whine when he speaks again, "Does my dick feel good?"

"Yes! It's s-so… fucking good." You're slurring, stumbling over your words, just focused on him, all of him.

"I bet it does baby, you're- fuck- taking it so well, you're so perfect."

Aki's grip remains tight on your hand as he drinks in every noise that comes out of your mouth. The sun is well past the point of dipping below the horizon, rays of light starting to fade away. The room is growing dark, growing dim, illuminated by only the faintest pink glow, but through it all, you can still see the outline of his face, his body. His defined nose, sharp jawline, dark hair, and broad shoulders. Earrings that shine when they catch the dying light at the perfect angle. If Aki had more patience, he'd get up and turn on a light, but he doesn't, so this will have to do.

The sound of skin slapping against skin echoes around the room. The way Aki makes love to you is tender, relaxed, languid, like he has all the time in the world and he's going to savor it. He hardly cares about chasing his own release, just about enjoying it and making you feel good, but multiple times, he finds himself having to deliberately slow down to keep from finishing too quickly.

He can feel his body tensing up, but each time he gets too close to the edge, he shoves himself all the way in and stays there, lets himself calm down. His cock is throbbing, and holy shit, he wants to cum so bad. So bad that if he moves even the slightest inch right now, he's not going to be able to hold back, but he has to. He has to when you get impatient, rut your hips against his, and plead, Aki, move. Please.

He wants this moment to last, so he's going to hold on for as long as he possibly can, staving off his orgasm until he just can't take it anymore. He gives himself a couple more moments to come down from the euphoria before he's fucking you again, giving you everything you want.

And he's so damn vocal, so much more than you expected he would be. He doesn't attempt to hide how good he's feeling at all, moaning at every thrust, at every clamp of your pussy around him. He teases you, praises you, like he can't hold back from saying any and every thought that happens to enter his brain.

You want me to fuck you deeper? Harder?

Tell me. Whatever you want, I'll give it to you.

Are you comfortable, baby? Does it hurt?

Ah, fuck, I'm so close already, I don't wanna cum until you do, baby.

Aki holds himself off, for longer, for further than he even thought possible. Even when he wants to cum so bad he's fucking delirious, he holds it, focusing on giving it to you just how you want, just how you beg him to. You're begging for him to go faster, Fuck me harder, I can take it. Fuck me like you really mean it. And you and him both know, whatever you ask him to do, he's going to do it. His side is starting to hurt, a little dull throb, but he ignores the pain when it's overwhelmed by waves of pleasure.

The sounds coming from the both of you are so obscene, so loud they can probably be heard a few apartments over. Aki is still holding your hand, never let go, and his grip is clammy and sweaty, but he still holds onto it tight. He can feel you beginning to tense around him, and when he does, he doesn't relent. He keeps up the same deliberate pace, just how you like it, hitting the perfect spot inside you every single time. The way your pussy squeezes around him is making his head spin, and when he once again finds himself right on the precipice, he knows it's over, he can't hold back anymore.

He can't stop, there's no way in hell he can. Not with your moans and screams and chants of his name in his ear. Not when your cunt is throbbing around his dick, so hungry for his cum, so demanding of all of him. He rolls his hips and fucks you deeply, hand reaching down and fumbling to find your clit, and when he does, he rubs clumsy, rough circles that quickly build up a tight coil of pleasure right in your core. His head dips and he presses even closer to your body. Your hand snakes into his hair, fingers threading through close to his scalp where you grab and yank back hard, drawing a needy whine from his lips.

"F-Fuck, I'm gonna cum, please," Aki begs, voice high-pitched and desperate, helpless, "Please let me cum inside you, please, I need it so bad, I can't- I-"

He can hardly speak, and each thrust of his hips is sloppy and inconsistent. Between his dick fucking butterflies into your stomach and his fingers messily working your sensitive clit, the stimulation is growing too much to handle, and you can't deny him. You can't when he begs so sweetly like that, when he sounds like he needs it so goddamn bad. Before you know it, you're gripping his hair tighter and commanding, Cum for me, Aki, fill me up with all of it.

"Yeah? You want all of it? Then- Fuck!" He cuts himself off, ramming into you one more time before his hips are shaking, his whole body's shaking, actually, and he's stammering, "I'm cumming I'm cumming I'm cumming, oh my God, I love you, I love you…"

Aki's holding onto your hand so hard his grip might break it, and his voice in your ear is enough to throw you over the edge. You cry out, cunt pulsing hard around him. The steady throb around his dick feels like it's milking him, pleading for every last drop he's willing to give, everything he has left. And he's going to give it to you, pump you full of it and not even let a single drop go to waste. It's what you want, after all.

Everything, it's so overwhelming, it's too much, it's nothing like Aki has ever experienced in his life. He's shaking so hard and he can't stop it, and his vision has gone so blurry he can't see a thing, all he can see is black. He's gasping, whining, and he can hardly breathe, just feebly choking on air as he fills you with so much of him. When he's finally done, the feeling that overtakes him is utterly euphoric.

It's like he's floating. His body goes limp, and his heart is pounding, but he's calm. Incredibly calm, like finally letting go, vulnerable, allowing the waters to take you wherever they so choose. He's tired, so tired, but not a heavy, exhausted kind of tired. The sleepy kind of tired that holds you tight and weighs you down, that promises to take care of you and if anything, never let you go. It envelops him until he's slipping away, and it's kind of like, kind of like…

It's kind of like dying, isn't it?

To die by your hands is a pretty good way to die.

Aki's body pins you to the couch as you both come down from your high. The both of you are covered in sweat and smell undeniably like sex. He's so close, so warm, to the point where you start to feel hot, but his weight pressed on top of you feels nice. It's comforting, feels safe and puts your mind at ease.

For a while, the two of you lay there, relaxing and letting yourselves sober up. His heartbeat is slow; you can feel it through his chest pressed up against yours, and eventually, the rhythm of your heart begins to match his. He's still inside, still holding your hand, but through a much looser grip. His head is nestled in the space next to yours and you can feel his steady breaths fan out on your neck, tickling the shell of your ear.

He's quiet, really quiet. His breathing is so deep… Is he falling asleep?

"Aki?"

No response. None.

"Aki. Hey." You squeeze his hand and shift a little bit under him, wiggling like you're attempting to push him off of you, although there's clearly no real effort put behind it.

Nope, nothing. He doesn't move an inch. He's got to be out cold.

"Come on," You drag your hand away from his to shake him a little by his shoulders, and it seems like your grip disappearing was enough to wake him up a little. He shifts, just the tiniest amount, and you continue, "Aki, I know you can hear me."

He doesn't move, again. Just grumbles in your ear.

You sigh in defeat. Fine, he can lay on you for a little bit longer. His injury might be hurting him. He did work himself really hard, after all. If he's exhausted, he can rest, he deserves to get some. You run your fingers through his hair, stroking the back of his head, listening to the constant inhale and exhale of his breath.

The moment is oddly peaceful, considering what just transpired. The room is covered in a thick darkness now. It's deathly still and incredibly silent, save for the distant whistle of a train passing by somewhere in the city, but it feels like you and him are the only ones to exist in this world.

Aki is just barely awake, teetering on the edge of falling asleep for real. His weight on top of you and the rhythm of his breathing might be enough to lull you to sleep as well, that is, until he starts mumbling in your ear.

"Love you. So much." His voice is groggy and tired, to the point where it's difficult to tell what he's even saying. You can make it out close enough, thankfully.

"I love you too."

"Thank you."

You laugh half-heartedly, "What are you thanking me for?"

"Everything." He replies simply, and finally, he decides he's ready to get up, pushing himself off of you with a large exhale of breath, his muscles feeling weary and spent.

He meets your gaze and asks, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay." You nod.

Aki's eyes briefly rake up and down your body before he slowly pulls out, flopping back hard against the couch with an annoyed groan.

"My side fucking hurts."

"I wonder why," You push yourself up on your elbows, staring at him with a knowing look, "I told you not to push yourself too far."

"You were the one babbling about, 'Go faster' this and, 'Go harder' that. I think it's your fault."

"No way… Aki."

"Yeah?"

"You got any smokes?"

Aki laughed. A real, genuine laugh. Now there's something he never does.

"Let's get dressed. Then, I'll give you one."

Aki turns on a light resting on top of a table beside the couch. He outright refuses to allow you to put on your dirty clothes, stopping you when you went to reach for them on the floor. From his room, he brings you some of his clothes, and some for himself as well. He takes care of you first, kissing your forehead as he pulls a shirt over you, gently lifting you by your hips to pull on a pair of his boxers and pajama pants. His clothes fit baggy on you and they're covered in the smell of him.

He dresses himself next, hastily, before rummaging around his apartment to find where he left his box of cigarettes. Actually, they're your box of cigarettes that you leant him at the hospital. He hasn't had the opportunity to go out and buy some more because he's been resting at home, so he's been trying extra hard to make this box last.

How many were left again? There's probably a couple. He opens the box to check and…

One. Just one. Did he really smoke that many? They go by so fast.

"There's just one in here," He muses, walking over to where you're laid back on the couch and showing you the near-empty box.

"I guess we're sharing again." You reply with a smile.

"Guess so."

It's not long before you accompany Aki to the balcony. The night air is cold, and there's the slightest hint of a chilly breeze passing through. Aki holds the cigarette between his teeth and shields the lighter from the wind with his palm, striking it once, twice, three times before it comes to life in a flurry of sparks. You stand close, holding his arm, leaning on him.

Aki can't help but feel… strangely euphoric. Now that he's coming to his senses, thinking more clearly about everything, he knows he probably, definitely shouldn't have done this. He's letting himself grow closer to you. What's going to happen when you die? When he dies? When one of you is killed in the line of work, it's not going to be fair to the other. It's not fair to fall in love with someone when you always tow the line between living and dying.

It's not fair. It's not fair, the world isn't fair. In another life, maybe Aki would have a better chance with you. Maybe you two could be a regular couple, be normal for a change. But he can't change the past, can he? All that waits for him is the future.

He's made his choice. He made his choice to be selfish, and now he's got to live with it, but fuck if he isn't going to enjoy it for as long as he possibly can. A man like him doesn't kick the bucket so easily. He's through with complicating things, done hiding anything. He's going to live for as long as possible, and it's going to be with you, whether the damn universe likes it or not.

And if you die, it's going to kill him. It's going to be the death of him, and he knows it.

But the world is better with a little self-indulgence, even if it kills you, right?

"Will you stay the night tonight?" Aki asks, ending the silence, taking a long drag out of the cigarette before exhaling and watching the smoke rise into the starry night sky. The nicotine immediately soothes his lungs and aching body, and with you pressed close to him, all he can feel is total relaxation through his veins.

"Yeah, I can."

"Good. Because I don't want you to leave."

"I won't leave any time soon, then."

A little smirk forms on Aki's lips, and as he goes to take another hit of the cigarette, you push against him, pouting. "You were supposed to share."

"I will. Hang on a sec."

Aki takes another long hit, breathing in the smoke, holding it in his lungs. He turns to you then, and he grabs your chin firm, tilting it up to where he leans over you. In an instant, his lips press against yours in an open-mouthed kiss and your eyes flutter shut in response.

Aki blows the cigarette smoke into your mouth slow and steady, and when he pulls away, it's only slightly, only enough to let stray wisps rise in the space between the two of your mouths. He already breathed in all the nicotine, so there's none left for you, but the smoke still pricks at your throat, still gives you that familiar feeling. Maybe you should complain and ask him to give you a proper hit, but his kiss is just as addicting as any cigarette, so honestly, you don't really care.

"How was that?" Aki asks quietly, pulling away to give you a chance to exhale.

"Another?"

Aki smiles, "Of course."

He's so easy to convince when it comes to you.

—

Aki falls asleep by your side.

He drifts off with his large frame pressed against your back, his dark hair fanned out over the pillow. His whole bed smells like him, and his blanket and sheets are soft. As his arm is splayed over your body, his hand is connected to yours, holding gently where it lays delicately in front of your face. You can feel his heartbeat against your back, his gentle embrace clutching you closer to his body, the warmth radiating off of him, his breath hot against your neck.

For the first time in a long, long time, Aki doesn't dream of that stupid house, or of people dying right before his eyes. He dreams of something much more serene. His own slice of heaven, in this wretched hell.

He dreams of a future with you.

And even though he knows in the back of his mind that it's going to end tragically, he doesn't care. Even though he's aware he's going to die, and just how soon he's going to die, too, he ignores it. Forgets about it.

It's selfish. So, so selfish of him. But he's stopped looking at himself objectively. He'll only look to the future, with no turning back, and it doesn't matter how unattainable that future might be.

He's going to love you until the end.

And besides, there's no one else who's arms he'd rather die in than yours.

#aki hayakawa x reader #aki hayakawa smut #aki hayakawa #chainsaw man x reader #chainsaw man smut #aki x reader

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