#his self-worth is currently in the negative

[wroteclassicaly]

I would love a little blurb about Eddie comforting us after getting laid off. Because naturally our self-worth took a huge hit, but our sweet boy is always there to lift us up.

This is actually pretty close to one of my current situations. Not the getting laid off part, but struggling at work. So I can definitely relate! And I hope you’re okay as well? Thanks for sending this in!

❤️

Warnings: Some angst and sadness, hurt/comfort. But then fluff and sweetness!

You didn’t call Eddie like you usually did before leaving work. He drives you and picks you up, yes, but you always want to meet for coffee before going back home. To say he’s shocked when you walk into the apartment and literally throw your purse across the room, that’s an understatement of the year. He’s cautious, like a small piece of prey in the jungle, whereas you’re the lion. Neither of you really believe in walking on eggshells, but he can tell something is seriously wrong when he finally gets on socked feet into your eye-line.

Your makeup is already smeared around your eyelashes, your nose is snotty, and you’re sniffling, staring at the wall behind him, angry at even the chipped paint. He knows this look, he’s perfected this look. Actually, he thinks this look might’ve rubbed off on you. Fear of showing vulnerability. Eddie is gentle in his coaxing, hardwood creaking beneath his footfalls.

You permit his close range, allowing him to take your hands in his. However, you don’t squeeze back, and he’s worried. “Hey, stubborn chin, you wanna look at me?”

No answer. He searches with those eyes of his, anxiety spilling over a little. He remembers that you’re here and you’re safe, so everything else is fixable. His fingers find yours to clasp, before they’re sliding in taps down the sleeve of your blouse, along your forearm, finding your shoulder blade to squeeze. You sway into him and fold into his beckoning embrace.

It takes some muffled sobs before Eddie can get you onto the couch and on his lap, his palm gently easing your face away from the cove of his curls. Looking into his eyes presses in on your guts, seeing the acceptance and love. You begin to spill through sobs.

“They laid me off. After everything, can you believe it? Four years and they decided I’m disposable. Now what are we gonna do? I’m such a fucking loser. I’m - I’m…”

The self-berating, the negativity. How it angered you when Eddie did it, and he can see why. But you’re not the enemy, you’re hurting. It’s not some random person Eddie would gladly clock the shit out of that’s saying this, it’s you. And that’s worse.

He’s shaking his head multiple times, curls bouncing. He clasps your cheeks in his palms, coolness of his rings pressing into your skin, soothing. Theres a burning intensity that draws your attention like a moth to a flame. “Listen to me when I tell you, I know what a loser looks like, sweetheart. I came from the balls of one. And you’re the farthest thing from it. You know that they messed up laying you off. As for what we’re gonna do? I can more than take care of you if you need to take a break, or even if you don’t want to go back to work some place.”

You settle, letting your ring finger wrap around a curl. That small diamond is perched there, reminding you of what’s important, what you have that a job can’t extinguish. You’re quiet, before speaking again. “But… Eddie, our wedding —“

“ — Is almost paid for. So just relax, baby. Be a bride, spend some time with the girls. Let me worry about money for a while. You just be you, which is absolutely fucking perfect the way that you are.”

“What if I turn into a couch potato, Ed’s?” You’re starting to grin a little, Eddie knowing you needed this break more than anything. Time to be a person again.

Eddie thumbs as your tears, pokes your nose. “Then you’ll be my favorite little spud.”

[then-be-a-warrior]

I JUST WANT MK TO FEEL LOVED IN SEASON 5, DAMMIT

[magentagalaxies]

.

[thedivinetarot]

Is this happiness?

Your views of love

☆How to chose the perfect pile for you?

1) Close your eyes.

2) Clear your mind.

3) Take a deep breathe.

3) Ask the question in your head. And the picture you are drawn to the most is your pile.

☆Note:

- This reading will help you reflect on how you see love, especially the romantic love.

- It also analysis your current energy.

- Before you chose any pile take a step and focus only on the intention of finding how you view love.

- Pile 4 is triggering, read at your own risk.

Stay safe❤

Arya

Pile 1

How's your current energy?

Hello pile 1🤍 (this pile is for people in committed relationship, if you are single or not seeing anyone then it is not your pile. Even if you have a crush or dating short-term or hooking up, kindly chose something else)

So, right of the bat I see that you may be a little bit ungrounded and you feel kind of imbalanced? I see that you may have had a disagreement with your partner. But not that big you broke up, no, he may be in the next room setting there doing his own thing. Or maybe he is trying to understand the problem from your perspective. I feel emotional guys, you both madly in love with each other so don't worry. The problem will be solved and you both will be able to look back and laugh of how silly it was. It is like a little disagreement between you two. He might be a water sign (Scorpio, Pisces or cancer) or he might have those placements. And you might be an earth sign (Capricorn, virgo and taurus) or you have those placements. I see you two had this disagreement because of a woman around you, she might be a friend of yours or his. Don't let her affect your relationship. Give yourselves some time then come back to discuss what happened or how you feel. Anyways, let's get into the reading.

How do you view love?

This pile’s energy is so sweet and innocent. They view love as this everlasting thing that make you stronger. You might be someone who was miserable and devastated before meeting your partner. And when your partner came into your life, you had this spiritual awakening and you started to realize how sad and depressed you were. I see that you may be someone who used to do alot of good things to people, you have like this cute little sunny energy but unfortunately people who was drawn to you wanted to suck up on that light. Or it might be your partner (take what resonates). Anyways, so when your partner entered your life he might opened your eyes and showed you the bigger picture if you know what I mean. He might helped you to be more authentic or powerful. I have this image of someone who was ungrounded or is clueless of their own potential and when your partner entered your life he helped you to be more aware of how powerful you are. So, you started to see love as this powerful energy that transform your deepest strength into power. I see that your partner might be older than you or he might be a gentle dominant. Like he doesn't really pressure you to do what you do not want to do. Also this pile is a sweetheart; you see love as belonging (I feel like crying). You might feel like your partner is your whole family, he is your home. He make you feel content and happy that your views on love are so pink and Disney like. I see that you see love through pink colored glasses. Love is that HUGE wonderful thing that you can feel with your partner. Your partner always elevate you and make you feel more confident in yourself. You might be someone who struggled with self worth and you always linked your outer beauty to your inner worth. It doesn't have to be but that's how you viewed yourself.

Thank you for reading

Stay safe🤍.

Pile 2

How's Your current energy?

This pile might have been dealing with spiritual awakening. I see you simultaneously trying to do shadow work but it is not over. If you constantly working on your negative beliefs and consume endless content about spirituality without taking breaks to reflect and reassess yourself you might get confused. I see you feeling sad and depressed, you may think that you belong no where. Your family life is chaotic and no one is there to understand what you are going through. You are in a transitional period. I see that the chapter you are trying to close is not finished so it cause you further frustration and you keep wondering if you are doing the right work or not. I see that from inside things seems chaotic; it is like you are on a roller-coaster, up and down. This is a part of spiritual awakening pile 2, you need to embrace it. I know it is hard and unpredictable but believe me you'll feel good after a couple of months. Try to meditate at night it will help you fall asleep, also you don't have to take everything on your shoulder. Try to break the task step by step. Try Journaling it is going to help you so much. I feel like there's still things that you need to work on in order for this chapter to finish but Do NOT try to rush healing. It takes time and effort but it will be worth it. Now let's get into the reading.

How do you view love?

You view love as stability pile 2. You want stability, you want long term commitment, you want someone whom you can depend on emotionally and you provide for them financially. You may be someone who take ages to trust people and let them into your life. I see that you are very generous with effort and money, you give your heart and serve it on a golden plate. I also see that trust is something very important. Like if you don't trust someone they will never know anything about you. I see that in the past you trusted the wrong people, you gave them everything you have that it caused you to feel devastated and frustrated. People might used you financially or for your money. I feel like this pile really like to support people by providing for them, you might give people that you love money, food, and other materialistic things like gifts and you do it A LOT. you are someone who is afraid to repeat the same mistake by giving people chances and helping them so you are now putting walls around your heart. I see that you are rejecting many romantic offers even if those people seem nice and your type. You don't want anyone pile 2. This pile is so generous financially tbh. Listen to me pile 2, there's nothing wrong with helping others but don't let the past define your future. Not everyone is interested in the materials, especially money. I mean yes money is important but it is not everything. And I'm sure you'll find good people whom you share your life and resources with. Also I feel like this pile like to watch others from afar and observe them. The dominant energy on this pile are earth signs (Virgo, Taurus and Capricorn). Anyways that's all I have for you pile 2.

Take care❤.

Pile 3

How's your current energy?

I see that this pile is isolated and if not isolated then you may be reflecting on yourself a lot. I see that you are pouring all of your focus inward. You truly are in the hermit mode. I see that some people in this pile are feeling nostalgic to someone, there's this urge of reaching out to this person. I think they miss you too pile 3, and if you don't reach out they will. I see a lot of feelings between you two you might be connected to each other on a spiritual level. Others in this pile are in fact are nostalgic to their childhood? You may be thinking of how you used to enjoy things in a child's wonder but it is not how it used to be. This pile are working on themselves, I see you may be doing inner work (meditation, reflection, shdow work) or outer work (losing weight, working out, trying to change something about your appearance like your hairstyle or hair color or your style). Anyways, I don't really see any dominant placements for this pile. I see also that this pile is living mundane life, like there's this unbreakable routine to you guys. Like you might be waking up, doing the same things that you did yesterday and then go to sleep in endless cycle. Try to get out pile 3, go watch the sunrise or sunset. Don't waste your life waiting for opportunities. Go make them yourself, make memories. Reach out to that person, play with children, book that trip. Do something pile three don't waste your time waiting for life to happen.

How do you view love?

See pile three now I understand why you are living like this. You are waiting for the kind of love that is going to set you on fire. What I mean you see love as this exciting and otherworldly thing? You might be influenced by movies and love songs. I don't know why I keep singing "off to the races by Lana Del Rey", this song has literally all the things you want in your love life. You want excitement, danger, possessiveness and awakening to your potential. See that one scene from the vampire diaries where Damon met Elena and heard her talking on the phone about breaking up with Matt, this scene here. That's what you really want pile 3. You might be someone who was in a long term relationship but after breaking up with that person you felt drained and tired. It left you collecting the pieces of your heart by yourself. I see that you took a lot of time healing. Ooooh yes I got it now pile 3! You might be someone who is afraid of the idea of love because you get sucked in and consumed by it. I see that you are someone who might have attachment issues, I see that you can get the love you desire but you need to figure out how your attachment style work. You can search about attachment style and see which one is yours so you can know how to deal with it. Also I do see that you need a partner who is going to keep your identity in the relationship without really losing it. I think that's what you need pile 3 to keep your identity without being mixed and dissolved in one another and a lot of passion and this giddy nervous feeling. I see! That's why you are waiting for things to happen instead of making them, because that thing you consider is very hard to get. But you can have something like that if you find the right person. Sorry that I didn't write a lot in this pile since I included many things that suggest how you view love.

Take care pile 3 and stay safe❤.

Pile 4

How's your current energy?

Pile 4 Are you being challenged on your healing journey? I see that you either been challenged or you are being bullied by someone. I see that this person has a nasty energy. They are not leaving you alone and they are always picking up fights with you. Like they love how you react and how tormented you feel. This person is literally draining the light out of you. I see that someone is being abusive to you. I don't see a partner here and if it is please you don't have to stay with them. It is like someone here is being abused and challenged, like cornered by someone else. I see that this person (whoever that person is) isolating you and paralyzing you. You might be grounded? I mean in your house? I see that you are trying to pick up the courage to face them, please do it Pile 4 so you can get rid of them. Returning to the first case; if there's no one abusing you, then you might be feeling challenged on your healing journey. There's this beliefs that is keeping you stuck or paralyzed you are isolating yourself because you are afraid of someone hurting you. I'm seeing that you were being treated unfairly by others. So, as an outcome you became so afraid to live authentically again. I see that this fear is taking the light out of you. But I see courage, like you started to realize that there's light at the end of the tunnel. And that you shouldn't be afraid because you already took the lesson. And now I see that you are trying to enjoy life after being afraid of it. This pile has also mixed placements so I don't see any need to writing it down here.

How do you view love?

This pile got the worst cards and it is so terrible. As a tarot reader I've never seen something like that before, at first you got good cards but then the bad ones kept jumping out. So, I returned them and reshuffled but they fall again soo🤷🏻‍♀️. Okay let's start out, I see that this pile see love as a torment love story. At first you tell yourself that everything is amazing and great and there's this sharing of resources between two partners and then boom everything is going to turn out to be abusive and heartbreaking. You guys might have dated a lot of narcissists. John and the letter K can be significant? I don't know why all of sudden I get that. Anyways, you know how narcissists at first treat you so well you think that is too good to be true and your prince charming has finally arrived but then everything suddenly turn 180° with them. Like they start controlling you, limiting your interactions, then they isolate you to abuse you furthermore and then after they take what they want they leave you for someone else. This pile’s view of love is very sad and distorted. I see that you view love as devastation. Like you might die because of it. You might be someone who has been to a lot of karmic lessons with narcissists or people who have extreme mental problems. You might see yourself as their savior but I return to you getting abused and mistreated. I see that a lot of times you were the victim in a relationship that you thought was love but it is not love pile 4! Number 5 is significant, you might be life path number 5, or your birthday have this number. Love is pure and genuine, this pile is almost the opposite of pile 1 (you can read it to know how they view love). Listen pile 4, love is something so pure, so gentle and heart warming. But what you felt wasn't love. It was attachment, manipulation and control. It was not love! Also love put you at ease, I see that you may be someone who might have CPTSD. Now I got it pile 4! That's why at the beginning of this reading I felt like someone is mistreating you! Hey don't let that person play you and walk away. Start walking away from that situation, move on. There's plenty of people out there who are going to treat you well. And if you are already walking away then I'm saluting you. Stay strong pile 4. You can do it! I believe in you!

Stay safe❤.

Post date: 29th/Aug/2024-Thur

*Feedback is appreciated

[allaboutthemoonlight]

Understanding the Difference Between Hard Work and Workaholism, and Self-Care Strategies for Avoiding Burnout

Hi friends,

In today’s post, I want to talk about the idea of hard-work vs workaholism and the resulting consequence of burnout. It’s a longer post today because I believe this is something that many people are dealing with, especially in this space.

In the self-improvement and personal development bubble, there’s a constant culture of ambition and striving for improvement. While the intention behind this can be rewarding, it can sometimes fall into toxic territory with constant encouragement of and sentiments such as “just work harder” or “you‘re not disciplined enough”, often leading people to exhaust and overwork themselves.

Due to this, I'd like to discuss the significance of distinguishing between hard work and workaholism — both for productivity and well-being. While hard work can indeed lead to success and fulfillment, workaholism can result in burnout and physical and mental health issues. Recognizing the distinction between these two and equipping oneself with self-care strategies is essential for leading a balanced, healthy life.

What is hard work?

Hard work can vary from person to person, and it’s the same for everyone. Generally, hard work can be described as dedicated and focused effort towards achieving a specific goal. This can mean anything from daily runs to train for a marathon to watching numerous youtube tutorials to learn how to code.

The point here is that, although hard work involves a certain level of persistence, discipline, and strong work ethic, there’s often rewarding outcomes as you know you’re making progress towards something you want to achieve.

Understanding if you’re a hard worker or someone suffering from workaholism dictates a high level of self-reflection and introspection. In my experience, hard workers are those who:

Have a clear understanding of what they want to achieve

Are action oriented and know the purpose behind their efforts

Have the ability to achieve a work/life balance

Are either intrinsically motivated and have a high level of identified motivation

Maintain an internal locus of control

Know when to take breaks

Being a hard worker is a significant skill, one that can lead to personal development, growth, and multiple career opportunities, these are facts that can’t be denied. However, in our current environment where an individuals worth is often determined by their accomplishments and successes, the line between working hard and being a workaholic has been blurred.

Understanding workaholism

Now that we’ve talked about what exactly makes a hard-worker, I want to uncover the other reality: workaholism.

Workaholism is an uncontrollable and compulsive need to work constantly. It comes from feelings of from anxiety, perfectionism, or a desire to escape personal issues. This includes:

Obsessively thinking about work

Struggling to relax or unwind outside of work

Ignoring personal relationships and self-care

Feeling physically drained with fatigue and insomnia

Multiple studies have explored the mental and physical impacts of workaholism, revealing impacts such as high levels of chronic stress, anxiety, depression, fatigue, cardiovascular issues, among others. It’s truly an exhaustive list of consequences, all of which can lead to burnout and emotional exhaustion. Beyond mental and physical health risks, the effects of workaholism can include professional issues. It’s ironic that overworking oneself can have a negative impact on your career, yet there’s a higher likelihood of decreased job performance and strained professional relationships as a result.

I think Jordan Peterson said it best: “You don’t want to do so much work that the amount of you do interferes with the amount of work you could still do”.

Here are some of the key differences between hard work and workaholism to keep in mind:

Purpose and Motivation: Hard work is driven by intentional goals and motivation, while workaholism tends to be more compulsive.

Work-Life Balance: Hard workers manage to balance their professional and personal lives, while workaholics often neglect their personal life and self-care.

Sustainability: Hard work is sustainable over time with breaks for rest and recovery, whereas workaholism leads to burnout due to its unsustainable nature.

Control Over Work: Hard workers can regulate their work habits and take breaks when needed, while workaholics often feel out of control and struggle to stop working.

Stress Levels: Hard work can be stressful but usually within healthy limits, while workaholism leads to chronic stress and health problems.

What is burnout and how can we prevent it

With all that being said, I want to move on to clearly defining burnout and how we can avoid it. Burnout is a work-related state of exhaustion where you feel extreme fatigue, have a hard time concentrating, suffer from emotional dysregulation and poor cognitive function, and mentally distance yourself from the people around you.

Burnout doesn't happen all at once; it's a gradual process that builds up over time, often linked to workaholism. When you’re constantly in a mental state of go-go-go or feel the need to work excessively, you’ll start feeling stressed out from trying to meet all these demands. Over time, if you don’t find ways to take breaks and rest to recharge, you’ll lose energy and find yourself in a state of burnout.

This all happens because burnout leads to emotional exhaustion, detachment from work and others in your life, and a decreased sense of personal accomplishment and motivation.

So how can we prevent this?

There are 5 domains in our lives that we can pay more attention to for preventing burnout: physical, mental/emotional, social, work, and personal/leisure.

Physical Well-being:

Find a form of physical activity you enjoy and do it regularly

Take short breaks during work sessions to stretch and move around

Maintain a balanced diet to sustain energy levels

Get enough each night to support brain function during the day

Mental and Emotional Well-being:

Practice mindfulness techniques and meditation to reduce stress

Practice gratitude daily to adopt a positive mindset

Use deep breathing exercises to calm your mind and body.

Social Support and Relationships:

Seek help when needed through therapy, counseling, or support groups

Make time to connect with family and friends outside of work

Set boundaries for maintaining balance by defining working hours and learn to say no

Workplace Strategies:

Try to opt for projects or tasks in your work that align with personal goals and preferences

Try to schedule meetings to obtain feedback from your higher ups so that you have clear measures on your performance can identity areas for improvement

Find ways to make your work fun to sustain motivation and satisfaction in your work

Leisure and Relaxation:

Schedule leisure activities throughout your day to recharge

Dedicate time to hobbies and interests outside of work

Spend time in nature to connect with the environment and reduce mental fatigue

Thank’s for tuning in.

As always,

L <3

[teniwohasuperfan]

the phantomlyn theory cause i am. Insane.

As seen in the comic, it's made very apparent that the children are becoming increasingly connected to the phantoms. However Ashlyn's connection is. INSANELY DIFFERENT than the other kids. She's been able to hear the phantom dimension for YEARS. Ashlyn is quite literally a cursed child. However in recent chapters she seems to suddenly switch to a separate personality. One with a big grin and one that I suspect has BEEN there. 

Ashlyns phantom alter ego originally shows up way back when season two first started weekly uploads. While the phantom theory is pretty solid, I believe that this wasn't just something that the series started to hint at during the current season, but rather WAY back during the original canvas uploads of the series. While it's hard enough to find any canvas content due to it being practically wiped off the universe, There was a small bit of canvas art of Ashlyn looking oddly phantom-like. (Yes, I know using the canvas version as evidence isn't exactly a smoking gun, but they have the same premise. LET ME COOK.)

It's also worth noting that while each kid seems to be turning into a phantom, Ashlyn is the only one who seems to switch between the two at random notices. The other kids strange phantom versions only show up when they've died in the phantom world, which Ashlyn CLEARLY hasn't done. Ashlyn's phantom alter ego really only shows up as some sort of protective mechanism, which isn't the same with the others.

If I had to guess, her phantom version has been with her since the very beginning of the time loops in the phantom dimension, maybe even earlier. She seems to forget anything she thinks while her phantom side is out aswell, implying she's only semi-conscious during these strange switches. 

While none of these are true smoking guns, another piece of evidence I found was in the official SBG playlists made by red herself. While most songs are simply to fit the thriller theme of the comic, others seem to be hints to direct characters. Happy Face, for example, hinting at Aiden. However there's one song that stood out to me, that of which being Two Face by Jake Daniels. Any FNAF fan would recognize this song from that one sun and moon animation, however it being in the official SBG playlist... is a little strange. This could simply be implying any of the kids, but it doesn't really make sense. While the fight with Barron and his friends imply that the kids are slowly turning INTO phantoms, the times they actually switch into phantom-like personalities are by death. Ashlyn is currently the only one who experiences a complete personality switch without dying at all. 

This being said, Ashlyn's weird connection to the phantom dimension, and the fact that she was stated by Jasmine to have a huge connection with the rift. (Her connection also seemed to keep the group from becoming comatose when they were first dragged into the rift aswell.) leads me to believe that Ashlyn's weird alter ego has always been with her, however wasn't able to have a stable enough connection to take over Ashlyn until they became stuck in the phantom dimension.

In my opinion, Ashlyn's Phantom alter ego doesn't seem to be exactly evil. She literally saves Ashlyn's life and seems to cut out any negative thoughts Ashlyn may be having. (Reference to when Ashlyn lightly contemplates self-unaliving only for Phantomlyn to jump in like 3 panels later.)

Yes this was written bad it's currently 12am and i wrote this on my ipad. Take screenshots of evidence with my written commentary

[meanbossart]

its funny looking between his former fixation (orin) and current one (astarion) and noticing he has a very obvious 'type'. what made him so taken with orin, though? what did he like about her? did he not have any initial misgivings? was he ever concerned she might turn on him?

B)c Please know how happy it made me to finally have someone spell this out lmao. It's absolutely true, at least within the dynamic that DU drow shared with each of them; there are a lot of parallels to be found between Orin and Astarion.

The tough part of this question however, is that I have a very difficult time pinning Orin down. She's easily the most elusive character out of the Chosen, and while I understand this Is likely a consequence of being underwritten, I also see a certain charm in a character who's lack of development is part of their tragedy - whose story is very much about not being allowed much individuality of their own, and having no resolution. I think this is a space worth playing in.

I couldn't tell you what the hell Orin likes, what she was like besides blood-thirsty and deranged. I can barely fathom her sitting down to have a conversation with someone. Think about it - she was raised from childhood in the Bhaal temple, both her parent's were faithful servants and she was essentially groomed from birth to be either Bhaal's Chosen, the Dark Urge's consort, or a sacrificial lamb. Nobody had ANYTHING to gain from allowing her to develop any humanity.

Of course, this doesn't mean she doesn't have any, deep inside. We see glimpses of it in fairly difficult-to-get dialogue regarding her origins during act 3. My very vague take on Orin is that she was a determined and persistent person who learned to make her circumstances work for her as best as she could, who had a strong sense of her boundaries but a horrifically difficult time differentiating between negative emotions - this is why I personally don't even know whether she """"led DU drow on""" our of malice or self-preservation. Perhaps she didn't know either - I think whenever Orin felt sadness, discomfort, anger or even happiness or love, she found a way to turn it into bloodlust and sadism, every time.

And it's in part this elusiveness that would have attracted DU drow. What did Astarion have to do to get DU drow to pursue him? He had to feign disinterest, he had to pull away - the fact that Orin never allowed DU drow to get close enough to truly know her plays a significant part in how unhealthy his attachment for her became.

That said, this was a long game - he did become infatuated pretty much from the moment he saw her when they were both teenagers. This is a much simpler concept to understand - he was profoundly emotionally inept and neglected, and she was probably the prettiest thing he ever laid eyes on, not to mention the only other person in the temple close to him in age.

Truth is, they did have a lot in common on the very basis of having been so thoroughly stripped of their humanities, but It was a closeness born entirely from circumstance - the implied vulnerability in the type of life they shared together, even if they never spoke about feelings or shared what normal people would qualify as a "sweet" moment. They didn't really use their words, and when they did, they were like daggers - twisted murder sibling banter.

But when they had to work together it was very different. They played off each each other like match and friction, like two fitted cogs turning a wheel. There must have been nothing that swelled DU drow's heart more than when they killed together, perhaps even more than when Orin hurt him. He loved seeing her in her element and yearned for nothing more but to be let into the joy she found in it.

He Never had any misgivings. He always thought she would come around (to him) eventually. He was completely and entirely blind to how much her resentment towards him grew throughout the years, how he lost a sister through wanting a lover.

[arandomnerd810]

personal TADC character analysis

uh warning this is long lol

autism time let’s go (/not in a negative way i have autism) stretches hands * I’ll go in order of the character episodes cause why not we have it (see below) i’ll put periods but it will just be to make it more readable not to be intimidating lolll

btw im completely open to interpretations of characters changing throughout the series this is just for fun

Gooseworx has said this series is mostly focused on characters rather than lore, and from what we know, i truly believe it. I don’t think any of the current characters will abstract because of this.

(I put a version of this in the glitch inn discord theory thing so if you recognize it that’s why)

Pomni: we already know her deal pretty well, as we’ve already had her episode. uuuh if anyone’s going to do something important lore wise it will probably be her as she’s the main character but can’t rlly tell what that may be. to review ep 2 though she’s an outcast who has felt like she was nothing and is a logical thinker.

(Kinger and Zooble will there their focus episode but i put it in order of who was revealed to be the ep 3 focus first)

Zooble: From their design (the entire motif is it can be changed at any time) and the fact she doesn’t know his gender, we’re dealing with some pretty clear identity issues. Friends with Gangle seems cool excited for next episode to learn more about them!

Kinger: One of the most interesting characters so far. I feel like we will get to learn more about abstraction though Queenie, the X-ed out door that looks like a female version of him. If i had to guess, since Gooseworx said they were not siblings, they were a couple. (Also judging by his age and the fact he could have been married, he may have been a father yeowch imagine that) I can see the common theory of the insect collection implying he was a coder before getting trapped, but i could also see him being some random guy who just likes bugs lol. He seems like really sweet guy behind his constant anxiety and disassociating.

 Gangle: (My faveorite human rn) Her mask design can be interpreted in a lot of ways but it’s clear that the happy mask isn’t her real personality. My take on it rn is she doesn’t wana bother people with her stuff so she pretends she’s happy? She seems easily embarrassed and def has self esteem lower than the last circle of hell. What’s interesting though is she’s willing to stand up for herself from time to time, even though she’s easily shot down after.

Ragatha: Waaaay too nice for her own good. Also probably has self esteem lower than the last circle of hell and bases her self worth of others approval.  Though she’s been here the second longest, she seems a lot more normal than Kinger. Makes me question how long apart their introductions have been. Probably copes via escapism.

Jax: I can see why everyone is very interested in him cause me too. He seems like the only fourth wall breaky guy (unless you count Caine cause of his intro at the pilot)which is rlly interesting how did he figure out more than everyone else? what’s with the keys? i have no clue lmao. He’s an asshole who makes the best of his situation by torturing everyone else. At the end of the day though, he’s a human and was sad at kaufmo’s abstraction but he probably isolates himself so it would probably be the same for anyone

but waAitTt a moment

that’s 6 humans but Gooseworx said we would look into 7 (cause of the “other” part) in her twitter post talking about the character focus timeline so we know our fav character won’t be left behind ⁉️⁉️⁉️ I hear you not asking well my dear hypothetical person, who better to fill the 7th character than Caine?

Why you did not ask? Too bad i’m info dumping. First, he’s the main antagonist and alongside Pomni, the commercial face (or lack their of haha teeth and eye joke) of the series. he’s an important character and loved by many. (and hated equally if not more aside the point lmaooo)

Yes, gooseworx can lie about stuff but I think she’s smarter than to lead this heavy into Caine depth/ angst territory if there wasn’t going to be anything On top of that, the entire purpose of the timeline post was so we know our faveorite characters weren’t getting treated poorly. It’s unlike for a character based show to suddenly drop such a major character for some random other guy were introduced to later or smth. i mean cmon there’s three episodes after all the humans at least one of them has to be focused on my boy.

Caine: I believe he really does have good intentions and wants to help but just does not understand people at all. This means he’s like an anxiety disorder; it wants to help, solves some issues but creates 500 more. Judging by the Tumblr post, loneliness may play a big part in what’s to come? I’ve always had a feeling his front was extremely fake and his VA saying “breaks keyfable” (an act that pretends it’s true) supports that theory. Episode two gives some insecurity vibes when Zooble didn’t want to go on the adventure. I find that pretty interesting cause he didn’t care at all if people went on the gloink adventure or not. Maybe he puts some adventures over others and he could have been proud of the candy adventure cause more time and care was put into it and he made a new AI. Why did he blue screen? i feel like he could have some blockages on what he can say built in though im not sure why he was blocked then if he even was. one of the biggest questions i have ab him currently tbh. what’s with him grabbing his cane like that in ep 2? if i had to guess simply be nervous = that? His VA also knows some depth to him even though his focus episode is likely going to be at least one of the last 3 episodes, which they have not gotten to recording yet. You know what this means Caine angst solidarity club? Sad Caine so more fan angst appetizers before the main cannon feast let’s friccin go‼️‼️⁉️⁉️

(try to guess my fav impossible /j)

[krirebr]

I Know I Should Know Better 4

Pairing: Curtis Everett x Female Reader, references to past Colin Shea x Female Reader & past Johnny Storm x Female Reader

Word Count: ~3.5k

Summary: Curtis has been working as your body guard for almost two years now. Standing by and watching you work and party your life away is becoming more and more difficult, but is there anything he can do about it?

Warnings: Angst, adult themes, complicated power dynamics, minor age difference (not explicit in this part, but reader is mid-twenties and Curtis is early thirties), drinking & implied drug use, explicit language, bad boyfriend (Colin continues to be awful, even though we haven't actually seen him since part 2), self-destructive behavior, anxiety, negative self-talk. She's still having a bad time, you guys. All of my work is 18+ - Minors DNI

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

A/N: Well, here it is! As I currently have it planned, this will be seven parts, so we're officially past the halfway point now. This part's a little shorter, but I'm hoping you'll think it's worth it.

Big thanks to @drabblewithfrannybarnes for helping me nail down the new character here! (If you don't remember doing that Carly, it's because it was ages ago 🤣)

Any comment, reblog, or ask to let me know what you think will be greatly appreciated. Even if it's just screaming at me. 😄 As always, thank you so much for reading! 💜

The drive to the restaurant was uncomfortable. Or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was just you. Sitting in the backseat alone, while Curtis and Jensen quietly conversed in the front, you felt ridiculous. You should learn how to drive. You were a grown woman who couldn’t even get herself anywhere—just another way you didn’t know how to be responsible for yourself.

You stared at Curtis in the front seat. It’d been a few weeks since your boundaries conversation. You hadn’t spoken to him much since. He was right. It was better. Cleaner. But you missed being able to talk to him.

Something had changed about the way he watched you though. You would swear that it was more intense now, the way his eyes followed you around the room. And it always seemed like he had something to say, he’d just never say it. He didn’t make any sense.

You took a breath. You were nervous about this lunch. You weren’t entirely sure what the purpose of it was, aside from the fact that Marnie Reynolds had wanted to meet. You hadn’t seen her in years and then she just texted you out of the blue two days ago, asking if you wanted to have lunch. You assumed she was going to pitch you something. Why else would she want to talk? You hoped it’d be something easy to agree to. It would make Wilford and Tanya feel better if someone actively wanted to work with you, at the very least. 

The restaurant wasn’t the kind of place you normally went to. It was nice, but tucked away, not designed for those who wanted to see and be seen. Marnie had chosen it. She was waiting for you at a small table in the back, even more private. She stood as you approached and enveloped you in a warm hug. She was just as glamorous as you remembered, suddenly hit by memories of sitting in her trailer while she let you try on her jewelry. She’d always been so nice to you. “Oh, honey, it’s so good to see you,” she said as you both sat down. 

You smiled and nodded. “It’s good to see you, too. How are you?” 

“Oh, good, good,” she said with a big smile. “Just got back from a shoot in Greece. Happy to be home.” Her eyes lost a little of their luster as she asked, “How are you, darling?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” you said. You could tell she wanted you to say more, but you just nodded and shrugged.

“Well,” she looked at you carefully, “I can’t get over how grown up you are. I know it’s silly, but I think I’ll always see you as the sixteen-year-old I met at the table read ten years ago.”

 “You and all of America,” you said dryly before you could think better of it.

Instead of chastising you, she just nodded. “I’m very grateful I didn’t have to grow up so publicly and then have to make that transition to being an adult. I can’t imagine how hard that is.”

You shrugged again. You didn’t really know what to say to her.

“Which, speaking of, I owe you an apology.”

Panic rose in your chest. Oh, god. Had she sold a story about you? Said something private in an interview? Blocked you from a new role? You weren’t sure you could handle one more thing right now. “Oh?” you asked shakily.

She nodded, seriously. “I should have done a better job of keeping in touch with you after we’d finished the movie. I owed you that much. I’m sorry.”

You furrowed your brow, confused.  “That’s fine. You’ve been so busy. I didn’t really expect you to remember me. I mean, you won an Oscar. I know how much work that takes.”

“Mmm,” she said, “and you sent me flowers.”

You shrugged. You just kept shrugging. “Well, you were always kind to me, and I was so happy for you. It seemed like the least I should do.”

 “You were always so sweet. I’m so happy to see that hasn’t changed.”

At the sincerity on her face, you looked down at your menu. You didn’t know what to say to that. 

“How’s your mom?” she asked, her tone strangely cautious. “Is she still your manager?”

“Oh, no. Wilford helped me get a new one when I turned 18. He thought I needed someone more experienced.”

She let out a breath, almost like she was relieved. “I have to admit, I’m happy to hear that.” You gave her a confused look and she continued softly, “She was always so hard on you. It was part of why I always invited you to my trailer. It seemed like you could really use a break from her.” She gave you another impossibly warm smile. “Plus, you were such great company. I loved making that movie with you.”

You couldn’t hide your relief when the server chose that moment to take your orders. You didn’t know what to do with the fondness in Marnie’s eyes. 

Once you were both done ordering, you decided you were ready to talk business. “So, what’s the project?” you asked.

She looked confused. “Project?”

“Uh, yeah. Whatever you wanted to pitch me? The reason you asked me here.”

“Oh, honey, no, I’m sorry. There’s no project. I just wanted to see you.”

That didn’t make sense. That she didn’t want to work with you again made sense. No one did, so of course she didn’t either. But then why else were you here? “I don’t understand,” you said quietly.

She let out a sad little sigh. “I’ve seen some of what’s been going on with you, online, and it just seems like you need a friend. I want to be that for you. I think about you more than you know.”

“Oh,” was all you managed to say.

She grabbed your hand over the table. “There’s so much going on for you right now. I can’t imagine how hard it must be, and then to have to deal with it in public too.”

You didn’t say anything, just looked at your joined hands on the table. Then, finally, still looking down, “Uh, yeah. I’m having a pretty hard time.”

She squeezed your hand. “I’m so sorry. I’m here to listen if you ever want to talk about it.” 

You finally looked up and nodded, but didn’t say anything else. You weren’t sure you could.

She looked at you carefully. “Have you thought about taking a break at all?”

You were reminded of Curtis, sitting on your couch, looking at you so earnestly, talking about taking a year off. You shook the image out of your head. “No,” you said. “It isn’t a good time. My reputation isn’t great right now, so I need to get back out there and show people that I can do the work. I need to fix it.”

“Mmm,” she hummed, “that sounds like agent speak.”

“Well,” you shrugged, “he’s right.”

“Remember, though,” she said, slowly, “that you’re a person, too. Not just a career.”

You just looked at her, blankly. Your career had been the most important thing about you since you were nine years old. You didn’t know how to separate the two. Luckily, that was when the server returned with your food, and Marnie graciously took it as a sign to take over the conversation for the rest of your meal. She talked about the movie she’d just finished, how her kids were doing, and the large garden she was planting at home. It was nice. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d had a meal out with a friend like this.

Still, you left the restaurant feeling raw and restless. You weren’t sure what to do with that conversation, the hard parts of it. The way she looked at you like she actually saw you. There was an itch in you now that just made you want to run.

Instead, as soon as you got home, you poured yourself a glass of sangria from the pitcher your housekeeper kept in your fridge and took the latest script Wilford had sent you onto your deck. You could feel Curtis watching you as you moved through the glass doors. That was his job, you told yourself. It was just his job.

The script fucking sucked. It was awful. The opposite of what you wanted to do. But you knew what Wilford would say. Beggars can’t be choosers. This was your fault. You were the one who’d destroyed your reputation. You had to be the one to fix it. And if making shit like this would fix it, then that’s what you had to do. Too many people relied on you for you not to do whatever you could, take whatever paychecks you could get. You hated it. You hated it so much. But you would do it.

You picked up your phone. You hadn’t realized how much time had passed. It was well into the evening now. There was a text from Michelle an hour ago, letting you know she’d left. And a few minutes ago, one from Nikki, a girl you partied with sometimes, that just said ‘Fuck them both!’

What the hell did that mean? Panic began to crawl up your throat and your hands started to shake as you typed your name into Google and clicked on News. Your stomach dropped.  Johnny Storm, that snowboarder you’d barely dated over a year ago, apparently had a podcast now. And the latest episode, posted that day, featured Colin Shea as its guest. Shit. Fuck. You couldn’t even look at what they’d said. There was no point. It was all just the same old bullshit.

You felt tears start to prick at your eyes. Why couldn’t everyone just leave you the fuck alone? You weren’t even that interesting. How could they possibly have anything to talk about?

Fuck that, you thought, as you stormed back into your house. You distantly registered Curtis calling after you, but you didn’t pay any attention. You were too focused. You headed straight up to your bedroom. They wanted something to talk about? You’d fucking give it to them! You charged into your closet and grabbed the sluttiest, shiniest dress you had. Fuck yeah. You could do this. You would be exactly who they wanted you to be. If they wanted a show so fucking badly, you’d give them one.

You ran back downstairs, looking for a particular pair of earrings that a costar had given you as a wrap gift a couple of years ago – huge dangly ones that said Fuck on one ear and You on the other. There was nothing subtle about what you were going for tonight. 

You’d have to think of someone to call, too. Someone suitable for the kind of scene you wanted to make, the kind of big mistake you wanted to fall into. You were so fucking tired of holding it all together. You were done. Your mind immediately landed on Lucas Lee, your costar in that dumb action movie last year. He was awful but so hot. Nothing but trouble and always up for whatever. Perfect.

As you entered your living room, your eyes landed on one of your jewelry boxes on the coffee table. There they were! As you picked up the box, you realized Curtis was sitting by himself on the couch. You saw him take in your short, sparkly dress and grimace. You weren’t in the mood to analyze it. “I’m going out,” you announced. “Have Jensen get the car ready.” 

You were already moving through, headed back upstairs when you heard Curtis rasp, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

You turned on a dime. “Excuse me?”

“I think,” he said slowly, so calmly you wanted to break something, “that going out right now, in the sort of mood you’re clearly in, would be a very bad idea.”

What the actual fuck? “Since when,” you asked, your voice quiet with seething anger, “is it your job to tell me what to do?”

He shook his head and you didn’t know how to react to how sad he looked. “I’m not telling you to do anything. I’m asking you to stay home tonight. For your own safety, which very much is my job.”

You just stared at him, dumbfounded. You didn’t understand him. He told you you weren’t friends. He was the one who said he was just your bodyguard. So what the hell was he doing now? 

In the moment you stood frozen, just staring at him, he took a cautious step forward. “Did something happen?” he asked barely above a whisper.

You shook your head furiously. You felt like you could barely form words. You were so angry and lost, and scared, and sad, and confused. You were feeling more than you thought your body could contain. And you knew, you knew, the only way to get these feelings out would be to go out and get as wild as you could. And here Curtis was, not letting you. You were afraid you were going to explode. “That’s fine,” you finally got out, ignoring his question. “You don’t have to come with me. Jake neither. I’ll get a fucking Uber.” You took a step towards the opening of the room. “Go home Jake!” you shouted through the house. “I won’t need you tonight!”

Curtis sighed your name. “I’m not going to let you go out by yourself,” he said firmly.

You threw your hands in the air. “Then make up your goddamn mind!” 

Jake appeared in the doorway, looking confused and Curtis turned to him. You took the opportunity to get back to the safety of your room, leaving your security detail to figure their shit out. Once back in your room, you dug through the jewelry box until you found the earrings you were looking for. You heard your back door open and close. Good. Jake, at least, was gone. You knew Curtis would be harder, but you were fucking determined. 

Just as you were opening Uber on your phone, Curtis appeared in your doorway. “What,” you growled.

“Would you just listen to me for a minute?!” He said, not quite a yell, but not not that either, as he barged into your room. All of his practiced calm from downstairs was completely gone. “Something bad is going to happen if you go out tonight! It is, I know it is. And I know you can feel it too!”

“Why do you care?!” You shouted at him. “No one else does! Why do you care so much?!”

“You know why!” he shouted back, and took another step toward you, but then suddenly stopped. Much, much quieter, much softer, and with eyes so pleading, he said “You must know.”

You didn’t. You really don’t think you knew until that moment, when the realization slammed into you. Every look, every sigh, all of the moments of him that hadn’t made sense. You took a step back. “What?” you breathed, barely realizing that you were shaking.

He took a step forward to follow you, then stopped. He opened his mouth to say something, but you shook your head at him. “No,” you said. “You can’t.”

“I can’t?!” he asked, incredulous and upset again.

“No!” you shouted, but it was so much weaker now. “I just– Why would– I’m such a fucking mess!” You were starting to cry, the adrenaline of the last half-hour finally leaking out of you, replaced by that same bone-deep exhaustion that you’d had for too long. “I barely have a high school education. I don’t know how to do anything for myself. No one wants to work with me. I am barely keeping it together and everyone knows it. I’m a trainwreck! Why would you–” You couldn’t bring yourself to say the words that you knew he meant. “Why would you have feelings for someone like that?”

 The sadness was back in his face. You looked away, unable to bear it. In your periphery, you saw him take a cautious step forward, then pause. When you made no move to run, he eliminated the distance between you, standing directly in front of you. He slowly, gently, carefully brought one hand up to touch your face, caressing your cheek with his thumb. “I know,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “I know all that and I still love you. Because I also know that somehow, despite everything, you are one of the most genuine people I’ve ever met. You are so kind. And thoughtful. You let everyone see your soft spots, even when all they do is hurt you. You have every reason to be awful or bitter or mean or any of a thousand things. But you aren’t. It’s all of it, it’s all of those things and the ones you said too. All of it together, that’s why I love you. I love you because you’re you.”

You wanted to sob. No one had ever said anything remotely like that to you before. Not anyone in your family, or a single one of your exes. No one had ever cared enough to say any of that. Except for Curtis. He’d always cared, hadn’t he? Since that first day he’d showed up, when you’d been so scared about the possibility of a stalker, he’d taken such care with you. He was the most caring, thoughtful, beautiful person you knew. You took a deep breath and looked into his eyes.  You could see his worry, but also the deep conviction with which he’d just said all that to you. You couldn’t help yourself anymore. You surged forward and you kissed him. 

He made a noise of surprise—you didn’t know how he could possibly be surprised after all that—but after just a moment he was kissing you back, bringing both hands up to cradle your head. You were getting your tears all over him, but he didn’t seem to care. He was soft and gentle and passionate. You needed more. You needed all of him.

You took a step back, breaking the kiss. You did what you could to brush the tears off your face. You grabbed the bottom of your dress and pulled it over your head, then tossed it on the floor. You stood in front of him in the lingerie you’d picked out to fuck Lucas Lee of all people and couldn’t understand how you’d ever been able to think about anyone but Curtis. But you did know how when you stopped to think about it. You’d never been able to fathom that you might deserve this man. That he might actually want you.

He stared at you. “Fuck,” he whispered. “You’re–” you braced yourself for what might come next. So hot or fucking sexy. You’d even gotten beautiful once or twice. He only took a second before he finished his sentence “–incredible,” with such awe on his face that you actually felt your knees go weak. You had to look away. He was too much.

He took your face in his hands again and placed a soft, short kiss on your lips. “But would it be ok if we slowed down?” he asked.

You couldn’t keep the disappointment out of your voice. “Why?” 

“This is real for me,” he said. “And if we do this, I want it to be real for you too. I want you to be sure. And for now,” he stroked one thumb over your cheekbone, “right now I just want to hold you. Is that alright? If I just hold you tonight?”  

You didn’t know how to respond to that. Sex had always been the best, most important part of any of your relationships. It’d been the biggest thing that any of your previous partners had wanted from you. You weren’t sure you knew how to do it any other way. But he was holding you so gently, looking at you so softly, all you could do was nod. 

He kissed you once more. Then stepped back and started to take off his clothes. You made your way to your bed and got in, watching him as he shed his clothes. He really was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen. Nothing on any movie set you’d ever been on, any party you’d ever been to could compare to him. 

Once he was down to just his boxers, he crawled in next to you and pulled you close. Your lips touched his shoulder as you asked, barely audible, “You really love me?”

He kissed your forehead. “Yes,” he whispered. “I really love you.”

Taglist is open

@stargazingfangirl18 @drabblewithfrannybarnes @thezombieprostitute @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @bval-1 @km-ffluv @texmexdarling @ladyvenera @before-we-get-started @veltana @andydrysdalerogers @royalwriteroftheuniverse @whosana-maria @dancer3205 @ijustneedpopcorn @mrsevans90 @pekusofixus @i-can-do-this-all-dayy @jamneuromain @kmc1989 @geminiflanagansblog @stcrrjoon @blogbog710 @blackhawkfanatic

[nocturnes-hideout]

Thinking about "More Than Anything" again.

The way Lucifer only ever got to see the negative consequences of giving humanity free will. The way he never got to see all the good things humans have done with free will. The way he only ever got to see all the people who used free will to hurt others and themselves. The way he views his actions soley as a mistake because of how it got him and Lilith banished to Hell and because he only sees the worst parts of humanity. The way Charlie can't possibly view Lucifer's decision as a mistake, because it created the world that she calls home and the demons that make up her people. Hell, the people and place Lucifer considers mistakes, are the only thing Charlie has ever known.

That's why Charlie's takeaway from Lucifer's tales about his dreams, things he considers mistakes, is that dreams are worth fighting for. Because it was her father's dreams that created everything and everyone she knows and loves.

The way it's possible giving humans free will only went so poorly because Lucifer did it by himself with no guidance. If he had worked with all the other angels to come up with a plan, not only to give humans free will but also help the humans deal with free will after receiving it, maybe there would have been more peace among the world. Or maybe everything would have gone just as terribly, but at least then the blame wouldn't soley fall on Lucifer.

The way Lucifer never received any support and everything went wrong, so he doesn't give Charlie any support, thinking everything will just go wrong again. But it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If Charlie receives no support, then her idea of redemption won't work. The way Lucifer promises to support her "whatever lies in store" because he doesn't know that this is going to work. But they'll never know unless they give it their best shot. The way Charlie does receive support. Not much, and not from her father at first, but she does receive support. And it does work.

The way both Charlie and Lucifer looked at humanity and said, 'They can be more than what they currently are,' and were both dismissed. And how they are ultimately proven right in the end. How a snake may have doomed humanity, but it was also a snake that was proof of its salvation.

[pokestudentjune]

In all honesty I'm pretty new to this whole rotomblr stuff, and I'm not all to osure how to work it that well.. But I'd still like someplace to document my life and experiences, as well as share my knowledge about pokemon and plants! Got plenty of cute pics of my pokemon and the ones I meet as well! Please feel free to reach out with asks about myself, my pokemon, or anything in general-- I'll do my best to answer to the best of my ability :)

Here is my current travel team!

Lotus the Ivsaur

Modest, highly persistent. A water lotus variant Ivysaur with a water/grass typing, and practically my soulmate. My first officially owned pokemon, gotten from my grandmothers venusaur as a child. Lotus has grown and matured with me through the years, and is always looking out for me! Shes trained in battle and performance, but we have since retired from coordinating and she'd rather sit back and experience life as it comes.

Scout the Lopunny

Sassy, likes to fight. One of my first wild-caught pokemon, and both me and Lotus's best friend. Shes quite a fan of my more feminine interests, often asking to share my clothes and music. Shes definitely one of my more battle + performance savvy pokemon, and we're working on learning mega evolution together! She wears a light blue letterman jacket I bought for her once, she wanted to dress similarly to an idol group we saw online once!

Grim the Joltik

Jolly, very finicky. He is literally the sweetest little baby ever. He was an unexpected capture, having hopped onto my phone one day and refusing to leave. He loves to suck out the battery life from practically my devices which drives me insane, but I wouldnt trade him for the world. Despite being small for the past few years, I think he doesnt want to evolve which is fine by me! I think he enjoys riding on my head or shoulder.

Jasper the Typhlosion

Rash, quick to fight. A large, bulky, fluffy, shiny typhlosion with a scar across his muzzle. Rescued from a "backyard zoo" situation, it took a long long time to fully gain his trust, but it was worth it. Hes very standoffish but protective of me and the team. Lotus was a big help in calming him during the beginning, and now he enjoys battling to blow off some steam.

Harlequin the Banette

Quirky, impetuous and silly. Perhaps my first ever pokemon friend. We met when I was a small child and he was still a shuppet. Its a bit of a long story, but he stuck through with me during some negative times within my early years even as a wild pokemon, and would frequently visit to keep me entertained through the years. I didn't catch him for many years, but one day after being a trainer for a while, I asked him if he'd like to join my team and has stuck around since. He wears a chunky bandana on his neck thats practically the size of him.

Jade the Noivern

Adamant, alert to sounds. One of the newer additions to the group, i had caught her within a cave and she showed fighting spirit right off the bat. I took the time to train her in between my studies and she evolved into a speed demon. She absolutely LOVES flying and I myself had always wanted to ride on a flying pokemons back, so its a win-win. She looks up to Jasper, and they often spar together.

I have plenty of other pokemon back at home that I'll introduce when the time comes, but these are the ones I think are best suited to help me during my studies! Perhaps I'll switch around the team, maybe I wont. It takes a while to transfer pokemon across regions but who knows where life will take me!

// OOC

Hello hello! Just like June, I am very unfamilliar with tumblr as its been years since I last used it, but I've been religiously stalking rotomblr for years now and i figured its my time to make a blog! Heres a few things about how I'll be running this blog :3

• This will be a mix of anime and game, keeping it semi realistic as I love biology and science but still want to keep some magic from the pokemon games included!

• June is basically a self insert so no weird stuff!

•For Junes universe, fakemon, sentient pokemon, or pokemon/human hybrids or anything similar to that doesnt exist-- again, I'm keeping it a bit semi realistic. Pokemon crossbreeds are fine though!

• This is very casual!! Just for fun slice of life blog :3

• In this world, legendaries are gods and greatly affect the environment, so June may not interact with those who "own" legendaries because she greatly frowns upon messing with the natural order of things.

• Feel free to dm me or send me asks ! I'd love to get to know the community more :)

• Also i might not do many fully pieces and more colored sketches because I am very busy irl unfortunately

• Im okay with interactions from other OCs and canon characters !

If you want to see my art look at #june pics ! working on tags for informational stuff but #june talks will have some fun pokemon info + junes story so far!

• Pelliper Mail is : OPEN

• Magic Anon is : CLOSED

[another-goblin]

2.1 Spoilers, Aventurine analysis

I regret to say that I enjoyed Aventurine's story much less than I should have. And not because it was bad, but because it was spoiled for me by people who don't tag their leaks, mostly fanartists. People call it one of the best stories in the game so far, and I usually love emotional stuff like that, but instead I was just going through the motions. 

Yeah, child Aventurine, Aventurine in shakles, whatever, I've been forcefed all this stuff a month ago, I already saw dozens of arts of it against my will, let's move on. To all these artists - I hope not adding one little "hsr leaks" to your tags was worth it.

(speaking of which - my current goal is to unhate that new cowboy guy before he actively enters the story. Currently, I can't stand the sight of him, and for exactly the same reason, untagged leaks. He seems like a potentially great character, and he's already quite popular. And hating a popular character isn't fun at all)

But not to be too negative, even though I weren't allowed to enjoy 2.1 story as much as it deserves, I still liked it quite a lot, and it's a testament to how well written Aventurine is. 

One of the worst things you can do to a character is to make them emotionally static. Aventurine doesn't suffer from this at all, it's shown very well in the different ways he talks to people, and that's what I wanted to talk about.

The first way is what I call "slimey creep." It's the way he mostly talks in 2.0 to TB and most other characters, and he's quite antogonistic and unlikeable, probably because it's his goal to seem antogonistic and unlikeable.

Second is the fear and desperation that's always under the surface, carefully hidden, what his future self talks about - we can see it when Sunday does his harmony thing on him.

And third, my favorite, is what I call "disarming sincerity." Not that he's neseccerily insincere in his other modes, but this is his dippest self, hidden under all the layers of pain, fear, and cynicism. He shows it when he talks to his younger self (btw I don't usually go there, but it made me think that he'd be great with children.)

We also see him using it for self-defense - when Ratio goes too far in 2.0, he retorts with this seemingly naive "I didn't go to school and my parents "left" me", and Ratio immediately apologizes.

But most interestingly, he uses it with Ratio, most of the time they spend together in 2.1 up until the "betrayal.". 

It might be a deliberate ploy to manipulate him, trying to seem more likeable, to assure his loyalty (Ratio's reaction to "I didn't go to school" showed that he's quite susceptible to it).

It might come from his realization that the end is near, and why not just be yourself and have some fun for a change.

Or, of course, it might be because he actually enjoys Ratio's company and feels safe enough to show this hidden vulnerable side of himself.

The truth is probably somewhere in between.

They both joke and bicker (with Ratio remembering from time to time that he's supposed to show his "hatred" of Aventurine), and they both seem to really enjoy it. They argue about birds, Aven gets excited about the sandpit, and so on.

Let's take the joke Sparkle made about Aventurine and Sunday (about undressing and kneeling down) - it's mean and maybe even cruel, considering certain things from Aventurine's past that weren't directly implied but can be assumed, probably. And let's compare it with the joke he himself makes about him and Sunday ("now that I'm tiny I can hide on Sunday's clothes and spy on the Family, hehe, uwu"). It's a joke you'd expect from a child. Or from an adult who feels comfortable enough in your presence that they aren't afraid to seem childish or silly.

So yeah I'd really like to see them interact in a less stressful situation after these events. tbh I think they'd talk in more or less the same way. Aventurine already feels as safe and open around Ratio as he can allow himself to. And Ratio is too rigid in the way he speaks, he won't change that easily. 

In defiance of a tired stereotype of an eccentric genius who is bad with people, Ratio seems quite good at understanding them. What he's bad at is expressing his feelings in a "convencional" way.

(he only sounds sincere and emotional when he talks about abstract matters he's passionate about, like his little speech to Screwllum at the end of his quest. He probably sounds like that when he talks about science too.)

But when it comes to his feelings towards people he becomes even more formal and strict (remember his messages from the valentine's day event on twitter)

I can imagine his thought process after he leaves Aventurine in 2.1.

"I verbally expressed my concern to him, which should reassure him of my loyalty and support. Furthermore, I provided him with an insightful and reassuring message in written form. So he should be fine."

btw speaking of that note, when I read it, I can imagine Ratio saying "Do stay alive" aloud. But I can't imagine how he'd say the next line, wishing him luck. I mean, he can't say it in his usual "I'm tired of idiots" way of speaking, right? Something to look forward to.

[mymarifae]

i just want to share my thoughts about akito and Death. because even now—even off the back of an event like burn my soul—people STILL talk about him like he's an explicitly depressed, suicidal character whose every action is cause for concern.

i think the idea that akito is suicidal has been floating around for a very long time. and while it's not entirely without merit (more on this in a bit), it's still a misconception. and it really feels like kashika exacerbated the issue. which is unfortunate! it's sad to see such a beautiful song be misinterpreted like this.

now don't get me wrong! kashika is about death. but two things:

1. kashika may have been written for akito, but it's not just for him. it's also deeply personal to ryo haruka. there are certainly similarities and haruryo undoubtedly understood everything akito felt during the events that led up to the crawl green incident, but i don't think it's entirely fair to equate his very real emotions and struggles to those of a fictional character. he and akito share kashika! you can interpret it through either lens, but trying to do so through both is where things start getting messy

2. whiiiiich leads me to my second point. who decided that the only way to interpret kashika and its themes of death is literally?

i think it's pretty common for people to automatically interpret any themes of death literally—or at least very negatively. we're naturally conditioned to fear death, and then we're taught to fear it even more. it's the change. it's the unknown. it's the very idea of an "end." most people aren't very fond of these things! understandably so. but personally? i think the symbolism that can exist behind death is beautiful.

Death is the 13th card of the major arcana. above all else, it symbolizes change (positive change; it's always, always about what's ultimately best for you). Death tells you it's time to move forward; this part of your life is done. there is more waiting for you—new opportunities, new experiences, a brighter, more fulfilling future—but you must be prepared to let go.

the habits and routines you have now? the mindsets that have kept you alive? your current sense of self? whatever it is, whatever Death is asking for, you have to let it "die." it won't serve you anymore. it will only drag you down. and it might be terrifying and you might not be able to comprehend what lies ahead and you might want to kick and scream and struggle, but you can't cling forever. endings are never easy, and sometimes they hurt like hell, but with each end comes a new beginning.

and yes if you've read burn my soul this should all sound very familiar lol:

looking at death from this perspective, kashika and the entirety of find a way out should read a lot more like akito caught on the cusp of a monumental transformation. suspended between "life" (the old) and "death" (the new) so to speak.

up to this point he's been fueled by spite and desperation. two very intense, very negative emotions—but it's an intensity that worked. everyone else on vivid street had years of musical experience, and he had 0. he needed to catch up and he needed to catch up quickly because it's not like he could put the whole world on pause. he could take his time to learn the basics, sure, but every other vivid street musician would continue improving and growing while he did that. there would always be a gap between him and Them.

unless... he worked harder—WAY harder—than all of them combined.

and maybe that wouldn't do it either. maybe he would be stuck in place forever, always playing catch-up, always struggling to stay afloat, always being left behind. he knew this. and he knew the amount of destruction he'd end up inflicting upon himself if he went down this path. but in his mind, it was okay. it was worth it. because he'd rather die endlessly pursuing what he loves most than live not trying at all.

but in find a way out, when facing off against his old bullies, he starts to realize that he was wrong. he's not just stuck in place. he bridged the gap a long time ago, and he almost didn't even notice. and where he's going now, spite and desperation are the wrong emotions to sing from. he needs to let the unhealthy, extreme mindsets die, but also it's hard to let go of something when you would have given up a long long long LONG time ago without it.

but with time, and enough poking and prodding from ken and luka, he does it. he lets go. he lets the old parts of him die, and he passes on to the next stage of his life.

akito's character arc has always been about growth. improvement. learning. Becoming Better. and not just in a musical sense although Yes That Is A Huge Part Of It. his arc is also about his growth as a person. it's about him becoming more confident, and learning how to be kinder and more patient with both himself and other people. it's about him learning how to let his walls down and let his loved ones in. and to trust that they won't start kicking him to death once they're in there.

it's about him learning to exchange the Spite and Desperation for Passion and Love.

it's about him becoming happier.

which is why it's so fucking startling when people talk about him like he's suicidal and on the verge of a breakdown. like, woah, what?

as i said though, kashika isn't the only source of this misconception and i find more merit in the other sources because they're actual aspects of his character and scenes in the story and not song lyrics that shouldn't have been read so literally in the first place. like, yeah. we've seen a ton of unhealthy behavior out of akito. he's had a very extreme perspective on his place in the world from a super early age, and while the severity frequently gets exaggerated in fanon spaces, the shinonome household isn't exactly sunshine and rainbows.

he's been moody, he's been prickly and abrasive, he's lashed out. he keeps most people at arm's length and builds walls so high not even toya can get through them at first. he had to! he wouldn't have survived if he didn't! like, he was targeted and bullied by a group of adults when he first started singing on vivid street. that is actually a genuinely traumatizing thing to happen to a kid!

so no, i'm not against the idea that akito has experienced depression and suicidal ideation in the past. kinda comes naturally with the territory he ended up in. but that's the key word: past.

i get confused when the idea is dragged into the present. because again! the whole point of his character arc is he's overcome all that PAST adversity! recovery isn't linear but we're not about to see him hit rock bottom any time soon. or ever, actually. you know why? because we've already seen his rock bottom. stray bad dog. that event was his big breakdown moment. that's what opened him up to try to start healing.

we're not getting another stray bad dog. stop expecting another stray bad dog.

he's alright, i promise. he's growing up. he's gotten better. he knows he belongs in vivid bad squad. he knows he's loved. he knows his friends will be there to catch him when he falls. he's always been strong, but now he's even stronger. he's excited for his future, and i think we should be too.

[maxemilianverstappen]

Okay, I can ask but naturally you don't have to answer so it's alright if you don't but I saw your comments on one of those posts about Max and Lando and that Lando feels like he doesn't know what to do. I think it was the swan symbol, really got me intrigued with the things you wrote.

I also feel like Lando is lost at this point. The mentality Max has (maybe with what happened in his childhood, sadly) Lando might seem lacking.

Its no hate to Lando, absolutely not. I don't want to hate on drivers but the way Lando has been the past few races, you can kind of see that he is seeking for help, anyone to ground him in a way while everyone seem to praise him and he seems to get confused.

I feel like Lando is a man that has many emotions that collide all the time which leaves him stranded in a way, not knowing what to do really and acting on the emotion he is feeling at the moment, unable to get them in check (which is okay but in this sport with this media this day, is a dangerous recipe)

I don't want to say that what Lando did was right, he definitely could have cooled off before facing the media. No one would blame him if he came later to talk but what hurt me the most in this one is that you can see the visibly confusion of Max when he heard what Lando has said about him, he genuinely sees Lando as his friend, as someone he can rely on, someone who understands what's like to be in that world.

Suddenly hearing that Lando is gonna lose a lot of respect for him if he doesn't apologize must struck a cord in him. People tell that Max probably doesn't care but they might forget he is a human being with feelings and I think we all can agree that Max has his heart in the right place.

In conclusion, what I wanted to ask is what's your take on all of this since what I've read what you wrote before really got me thinking. If you're okay with that.

Hello, my friend 🤗 This is anti stuff, so it is under a read more.

Lando is an emotional and reactive guy. He seems to be experiencing his negative emotions quite deeply and surging his positive emotions to the level of egoism.

He has this absolutely buffling mix of "I am incompetent and lacking and what's wrong with everything." and "I deserve the world because I am that fabulous." Which I find quite bizarre as he blames himself for the littlest things way too harshly and meanwhile rates himself so highly that you'd think he is Senna reincarnated.

This twisted expression of self esteem and self worth is certainly something to be observed closely in him. He gives me a "destructive/warring" type of feeling both at work and at his relationshipswith others. Meanwhile Max has possibly always been more of a constructive and peacemaking type.

Max thinks they are friends. His type wants to trust and if you stay true to him, he will be loyal forever. He is also the type who approaches everyone with good intentions and adjusts his stance in accordance with how he is received.

Lando doesn't count him as his friend. He said so many times. I don't know what his friendship criteria are, and some ppl say that he denies Carlos as his friend, too, but again, if he is saying that with his full chest and as not a strange joke/jibe, I wouldn't be surprised because I have always thought that he is extremely jealous of Max. Even when I used to like him, I got this strange vibe from him that Max's feelings were not fully reciprocated.

He clearly has similar feelings for Charles, but since we aren't currently seeing them racing each other as much as we are seeing him race Max, we also aren't seeing their tenseness and terseness. But it possibly started on Lando's side (again jealousy) and fed with Carlos' gossiping.

One of the posts I saw put it quite well: Carlos and Lando have similar upbringing, so they have this entitlement to them as if the world has to revolve around them and how come it isn't, meanwhile both Max and Charles are their team's Atlas and get the well deserved fanfare. It must hurt, right? Also, I think, Carlos is literally feeding Lando hate bit by bit both against Charles and also Max because the guy put down his foot and chose his current teammate over him, lol. It must hurt.

But the jealousy has been brewing for a long time. Lando has this problem: he is trying to measure his worth up against something which is already larger than life itself.

Do you see Charles measuring himself up against Lewis? Max? Senna? Or whoever your goat is? He might be doing mental gymnastics about how he can get better in the areas he is losing against these people, but he never says this in front of the media.

Have you seen Kimi, Sebastian, Nico, Nando, Lewis do it? Never.

Every person is their own limit that they have to find a way to go over.

Lando is focusing on Max's greatness as his measurement of greatness instead of trying to understand that the thing he has to win over/triumph over is he himself again..

Max is forever going to be phenomenal no matter how much some loud assholes try to undermine his greatness because his focus is on how he can surpass his own human body and mind so that he can win against this or that driver.

Lando already thinks he deserves the world, because I am sure he is also hard working and also thinks he has the best car and also he has waited for so long and also a big team has trusted him with all their money and hopes. But... He is also extremely insecure, because why can't he still beat Max? Why everyone rates Charles higher even though his pole/win conversion is not so stellar? Why can't Max just not race this hard once in a while like his buddy Carlos does with him and even gives him a tow in race as if he was giving it out of the goodness of his heart?

He has put all his energy on the wrong thing. The media is also fueling it, and I am pretty sure he is enjoying being their "righteous" guy who is a spotless angel. If this thing gets dirtier, we'll see how he just ditches Max and starts talking bad about him. I don't expect him to be tactile and resourceful if he burns the bridges, because he is the type of person who makes fun of others or makes jibes about them unprompted and unprovoked. So, I bet we'll have some fun interviews with him if shit hits the fan.

This is like watching a train wreck. Lando will try to be brutal, enjoy his small victories immensely and exaggeratedly as his brit predecessor did, his fans will be absolutely insufferable and obnoxious as we watch a smear campaign by the British media over Max. While Max silently endures and drives to hopefully his 4th championship.

And Lando will feel empty.

BTW, this is the guy who people think doesn't care about their coming together and the subsequent media lynching led by his friend and his team:

The full video is here

[oristian]

Do you think Azriel's history with other women will negatively impact Gwyn and Azriel as a couple, especially if something happens with Elain in the beginning? I love the healing and banter potential of Gwynriel, and I just know they'll understand each other's pain deeply. But I feel like Gywn suffers so much from feeling tainted and unworthy that I doubt she believes anyone can love or want her. She's very self-sacrificial, so she probably has suffered extreme suicidal idealisation. With all the parallels she has to Rhy's character, I hope SJM isn't cruel enough to make Gywn know who her mate is only to see him lust after someone else (even if it'll be fleeting or brief)

On the other hand, I know Azriel's fixation on Elain is born out of desperation, extreme loneliness and envy of his brothers being mated. I think they're both using each other as rebounds. His trauma is centuries deep, and he needs a lot of healing/closure with Mor. Despite all that, I think Gwyn deserves a mate who would wait for her above anything else the same way Rhys, Cassian and Lucien have. Sorry this is lengthy, but what are your thoughts?

This is actually very convenient because I was just chatting with @acourtdelaluna about something very similar to this premise. I actually do have a few thoughts on this!

Long story short, no, I do not think that Azriel’s current lustful feelings towards Elain will negatively impact his potential relationship with Gwyn. I personally do not believe that SJM would want to write something so dramatic and a subplot that is very irrelevant to the overall narrative. Simply look at Aelin with Dorian and Chaol before Rowan, or Dorian with Sorscha before Manon, or Bryce with Connor before Hunt—SJM wants romance and love, not heartbreak. Even the one chapter where Cassian was jealous of Eris in ACOSF was only utilized to showcase to the readers that, yes, Nesta and Cassian are mates, nothing more.

From the current direction (re: roadblock) of Elain and Azriel, there is not much closure really needed between them. SJM will have to do something quickly in the beginning of the next book that fully puts an end to them on page for those who have yet read the bonus chapter, but she does not have to dwell on them—they did not have much pertinence to the overall plot, after all. A clean separation will do the trick, or a conversation between them where Elain puts everything to rest.

Azriel and Gwyn are very similar when it comes to self image and self worth. The difference is that both view each other as good—Azriel respects Gwyn and experiences admiration for her, while Gwyn is gunning for his attention and appreciates his presence. While the reader has the added information of Azriel and Elain, I do not believe that the actual characters will have that used against them in any way. It would create tension between Gwyn and Elain that does not need to be explored.

I do have a headcanon that Gwyn does know about the mating bond already, but my secret fantasy is that Azriel and Gwyn discover it together when they both least expect it.

I do agree that both Elain and Azriel are using each other for different reasons. Elain’s reasoning is tied to Lucien and the subsequent mating bond—the extent of which, no one knows until her POV. Azriel wants a mate and has waited centuries for one. You’re right in the regard that he sees Rhys and Cassian happy in their relationships with their mates and he feels envious. I also wonder if the bond has already snapped between him and Gwyn and he’s been confusing the pull and frenzy of the bond with his attraction to Elain.

I have faith in SJM and her ability to write a relationship and I have faith in Gwynriel and Elucien. I believe that Azriel will be written as the mate that Gwyn needs, and vice versa.

[aihoshiino]

chapter 139 thoughts

Because of the content of this chapter I will unavoidably have to discuss CSA and topics related to it, including grooming, emotional abuse and sexual assault. I do not discuss them in great detail, but if you very understandably just aren't in the headspace for that, no hard feelings - look after yourself and I'll see you next time.

Gonna say up top that my review of this chapter is probably gonna read more negative than it necessarily is, because I do not think this was an Actively Bad chapter. It was, however, a deeply frustrating one and it's because of a lot of small things piling up that are starting to really grind my gears.

ai eating sweets with that head empty expression again makes this a tenouttaten chapter regardless of anything else i say here btw

As was foreshadowed by Kamiki's appearance last week, this time we're finally diving into some of the details around how Kamiki and Ai met. I'm a little surprise by how… I guess, unceremonious it is? This is the catalyst for the entire rest of the story, after all. It's the first meeting between the twins' parents and the first time Ai comes face to face with the man who will eventually kill her. Even given to us secondhand, this should be a pretty weighty, dramatic moment but…

there's no diplomatic way to say this so I will say this the undiplomatic way: I really kind of fucking hate that a moment this meaningful was undermined by flaccid incest bait jokes again lmao. I absolutely loathe that any kind of complexity the mutual past life reveal could have introduced to the twins' dynamic and any potential exploration of Ruby's feelings on the matter has been completely tossed by the wayside in favor of just having her splooge about her oniichan every time they're together. I've said before and I'll say again: I think the idea of Ruby developing confusedly romantic feelings for Aqua in the wake of realizing he was Gorou is a deeply compelling one and I would be on board with Oshi no Ko exploring that dynamic if it was actually going to explore it. The way Oshi no Ko leans into and explores the discomfort and dysphoria caused by the friction between the twins' past lives and their current selves is incredibly compelling when we actually get it and it's so baffling to me that one of the biggest, most braindead opportunities to continue doing this has not been snatched up.

We are approaching 20 chapters worth of time, in and out of universe, since this reveal happened and almost nothing has come of it. The most exploration we've gotten of how this changes things is in Mengo's interlude chapter for the twins which just feels all the more jarring in hindsight when the main story has been so stuck on using it for this incredibly tired and worn out incest bait comedy. Like, come on, man. It's 2024. What are we even doing here.

Bitching aside for the time being, I did really like the little scene between Taiki & Aqua, though. Both of them are dealing with some deeply heavy material and portraying real people they themselves both have a lot of baggage with so I appreciate they're given a moment to breathe and get those feelings out. Though again, we are given frustratingly little insight into whatever is going on with Aqua's head right now and given just how much weight and focus was given to Ruby coming to understand Ai and get into the right headspace to act as her, it feels really jarring and conspicuous that we have absolutely no idea how he's done the same for Kamiki.

H O W E V E R. I think this scene does contain a fascinating and potentially huge reveal that can easily be missed if you let yourself be distracted by Ruby; Kamiki, at least as portrayed by Aqua at this point in time, has white stars in his eyes. While I don't subscribe to the idea of In Depth Hoshigan Colour Decoding that's common elsewhere in the fandom, this does undeniably put middle school Kamiki in a closer emotional headspace to Ai than his present day self. Given what we see of the black hoshigan in other characters and knowing that this is Kamiki in the thick of his abuse at Airi's hands, this implies that despite all the horror he's been subjected to thus far this is still a Kamiki who has some light left in him. In fact, everything about Aqua's portrayal of him here suggests a certain sense of kindness and innocence that has yet to be ripped away from him which is very, very interesting. This is, after all, a hateful work written to kill Aqua's father. So this disarmingly likable and sympathetic portrayal of him as an undeniable victim throws a lot about the movie's intentions into question

what i'm saying is even aqua is furthering the kamiki hikaru babygirlification agenda. so true, king.

That said, this scene also comes with its own nits to pick, which is the reveal - or I guess. the confirmation - that Ruby does in fact know who her father is. While we don't know exactly what and how much she knows, I think it's reasonable to conclude that she's been brought on board with at least everything about him the movie confirms. And like… man… wouldn't it be really great to have seen Ruby learn any of that information on screen? Wouldn't it have been really interesting to see Ruby learn literally any fucking information about this revenge quest and the man who murdered her beloved mother and to have to work out how to process all that? Wouldn't it have made a kickass arc for Ruby to learn that even the man she despised for killing her mother was himself a victim of the entertainment industry, to see the damage that can be caused by a relationship between an adult and a child when she herself was innocently fantasizing about a similarly huge age gap between her and Gorou and to perhaps go through some conflict and internal growth based on all this?

but no. splooging over her brother is a much more important use of page time. i guess.

speaking of airi. the image of her carrying around the baby she conceived by raping eleven year old boy, right in front of him at the place she is continuing to abuse him is so incredibly foul and rancid i kind of want to throw up about it. on god i hope hell's hot enough.

It's pretty short, but the montage of Ai and Hikaru spending time together and him gradually softening and opening up to her a little more was really sweet. I've been super interested in the HikaAi relationship ever since we learned who Hikaru even was so even these little tidbits filtered through 15YL's portrayal are really exciting to get. It also lends some credence to something I've been theorizing about why Ai specifically wanted to be with Hikaru - she seems to understand and relate to his experiences with objectification at the hands of the adults and people around him and to feel some sense of solidarity with him as a result. In terms of theming, I always expected the HKAI relationship to contain echoes of AquKana and AquAka - Hikaru is a dark mirror to Aqua, so it makes sense that his relationships would be so as well - and in this sense, I think we can see an echo of the AquAka romance there. In Hikaru, Ai begins to believe she can find a person who can understand and accept her. … or that's my theory as of now, anyway.

And that final scene between Airi and Hikaru… whoof. Genuinely blood curdling. In general, the reveal of just how long Hikari was being actively abused by Airi made my stomach churn - for some reason, it had never occurred to me that it might have run parallel to his meeting with Ai but the idea that this wasn't just a one-off incident, but active grooming and abuse that Airi got away with thanks to her position of power and authority over this child in her care for years… genuinely revolting and I do mean that in the best possible way.

CSA is such a heavy topic and quite frankly, anime and manga are not historically delicate or tasteful in its portrayal - especially when it comes to male victims of assault. Ever since we were told what had happened to Hikaru, I was really on the fence about whether this was something OnK could tackle in the way it needed to be. So far, though, I think its portrayal and indictment of Airi's abuse is excellent. It is not allowed to be a spectacle, and we are shown just enough to understand the nauseating scope of the horror Hikaru has been subjected to. I'm hoping Aka and Mengo are able to keep this up.

No break next week! Maybe one after next chapter, though? 140 will be the final chapter of volume 14 and I'm curious to see what note it's going to end on.