#hoo boy guys this one was fun to write

[circesays]

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“I do not understand.”

“If anyone in this server can help fix lore stuff, it’s the Lore Master himself!”

(He couldn’t take his mind off of the terrifying view he’d taken in from the gates of Gobland.)

Oli and his companion finally crested the hill, gazing over the unique froglight trees below.

“But Pixlriffs is currently-”

“I know what you said, strange cowboy child, but I’m me and he’s him and I don’t know the first thing about lore! I write songs and poetry and lament my woes.”

(And Oli hid his frown behind grand gestures and dramatic dialogue, but internally, he was afraid. Afraid of this unfamiliar world.)

(Afraid of what had happened to his friends.)

“If you say so, OrionSound. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

So the two unusual companions descended into the orchard, the sun setting in the distance and casting the valley in darkness.

Above, froglights glittered and glistened, softly lighting the surrounding area. The trees swayed gently in the breeze, causing Oli to shiver slightly in his torn outfit. The leaves glowed the colors of their fruits in the dark, various pastel pinks and mint greens and sunshine yellows.

(Oli could not help but look around in awe. This must have taken weeks to grow, hours spent carefully coaxing the trees with magic. Pix never failed to impress.)

The child drifted forward, his form slightly above the ground, like a puppet dangling on strings, before stopping abruptly.

Ahead stood Pixlriffs, his back to them as he inspected the growth of a younger-looking froglight sapling.

Oli had to physically cover his mouth to stop his horrified gasp from escaping.

Pixl was absolutely covered in strings, from tied around his ankles to wrapped around his eyes. Shimmering green threads that weaved and looped, all leading upwards before fading from view.

(Because Oli remembered the strings in the air. Hundreds of strings flowing overhead, each glowing forest green and starkly contrasting the twinkling night sky.)

(Because Oli remembered looking up and thinking, “Oh, Joel, what have you done?”)

The historian turned and smiled at his guests, seemingly oblivious to his situation.

“Ah, Oli! Nice to see you above ground, finally! Welcome, welcome to the froglight orchard. What do you think?”

“Yeah, it’s great. Amazing, even. Superb,” Oli rambled in reply, glancing away nervously to lock eyes with the young ghost.

The historian chuckled, (yet it sounded wrong, not quite his friend, not quite Pix’s-) ever humble, and gestured around. “Thank you. It took a while, I have to say.”

Oli took a couple of steps toward his friend. He didn't understand. Why? Why was this happening?

(And he reached out to the universe, asking, what do I do?)

“Yeah you don’t say! Custom trees? Glowing fruit? It’s amazing sir Pixlriffs, truly. Inspiring enough to write a ballad in its honor, I’d even say!”

Another laugh. “A ballad, huh? I wouldn’t go that far, but if you have one in mind…”

(And the universe reached back, giggling, to whisper: “what you always do.”)

He flashed a fake grin and gestured towards Pixl’s chests. “You wouldn’t happen to have some string and wood, would you?”

The lore man laughed, walking towards his chests to rummage for supplies. “I have a whole spider farm underground, take what you need!”

(“how would music even help?”)

So Oli strung together a lute with crafting magic and love and you are the universe.

And he held it gently, sitting on the roots of the largest froglight tree.

(“Because it is how you love.”)

And Oli began to sing.

“Ohhhh, Pixlriffs, creator of…such…life!”

The man laughed, shaking his head.

“Ohhhh, Pix, immune to all strife~!”

The child hummed, smiling slightly.

“Ohhhh, my friend, all wrapped up in string.”

The historian paused and frowned, his brow furrowing.

“I’m here to free you and I’m here to sing.”

A nervous smile. “That’s enough, Oli.”

Oli stood up and danced a bit away from Pixl’s (not his Pix, not his friend-) reaching hands.

(The words and notes came easier. Unbeknownst to him, Oli’s eyes began to glow with an amber light.)

“You’ve been gone for so long, it’s hard to believe,”

“That the lore master could no longer see,”

“But don’t you worry and don’t you fret,”

“Because good ol’ Oli could never forget!”

(And Pix fell to his knees, some of the threads slipping away and vanishing.)

“Bring back my good friend,”

“Away with the lore!”

“Cause’ the gods up above don’t got good things in store.”

(Faster, faster, glowing strings unraveling at the seams-)

“But together I know it will all be okay.”

(And TheOrionSound knelt before his friend, grinning and wiggling his eyebrows.)

“Cause’ no measly strings can keep Pix away!”

(And the last string unraveled.)

Pixlriffs opened his eyes.

“…it worked? It worked! I can’t believe that worked! Ooooooooo, my rhyming skills have never been so on point! That was incredible!”

(Oli’s glow faded away, and the universe smiled.)

“…Oli?” the lore master stumbled to his feet, steadied by his friend, who scrambled to support him.

“Yeah, it’s me! Are you feeling back to normal?”

And Pix laughed, a true, real laugh this time. “This feels like a scene from one of your anime. Thank you for saving me.”

Another beat. He suddenly paled.

“Oh no! How could- oh- oh no. I forgot. How could I ever forget?”

Pixlriffs’ desperate eyes locked with Oli’s. “We need to go to Tumble Town. Jimmy- Jimmy is in danger.”

Off to the side, the child’s eyes widened as he floated forward eagerly. Pix jumped when he noticed the young figure.

“Uh, what? Who?”

“That’s the thing Pix, Timmy’s already in danger.”

(And the child was full of hope he had thought he’d lost.)

“You freed him. You- you can free us? You can save my family?”

Twin smiles met the young nervous face.

“I think we could manage that,” Pix replied gently. He summoned two dodos with a sharp whistle.

“Let’s leave first thing in the morning.”

(Far away, floating high above the ground, a god frowned as he felt something... odd. Something wrong.)

[mamawasatesttube]

11 timkon for the devotion ask 😁

11. “I’ve already died once. I would do it a thousand times over again to keep you safe.”

also prompted by @blueforget-me-not, @cas-and-their-refusal-to-write, and @chaoxfix !! (phew this one's popular!)

"Absolutely not."

"Tim—"

Tim whirls on him, glaring. "You," he hisses, jabbing one finger into the S-shield on Kon's chest, "are vulnerable to magic. That thing," and he points at the unnatural, glowing storm raging outside, "is full of insanely powerful magic that could fucking kill you. You're not fucking going."

Kon's jaw is set in that infuriatingly stubborn way of his; the glint in his eyes is nothing short of mulish. "Somebody has to get to the middle to stop that wizard freak. It's only gonna get worse if we don't do anything. And Cassie's already hurt. I'm going."

Not for the first time, Tim curses his own vulnerability. Curses that he's the best pilot among the four of them. Curses that the storm is raging too fiercely to just leave the plane on autopilot. Kon is determined to throw himself into harm's way, and Tim can't even come with him.

He turns back to the controls, glances at the anemometer; the wind is still rising. Ominous purple lightning crackles across the clouds all around them. The image of Kon flying down towards the sorcerer only to get struck from the sky by three hundred million volts of magic flashes through Tim's mind; it takes more self-control than he'd like to admit to not flinch.

"Cassie's hurt because she already tried confronting him directly, alone." At least his voice comes out steady, if a bit taut. "You think it'll go better if you do it instead?"

Another lightning strike shoots by, so close it nearly knocks the plane from the sky. As it is, everything outside goes bright white and the sensors scream; by the time Tim wrests the plane back under control, they've dropped five hundred feet, and he can see the churning, frothy waves down below.

Shit.

"At the very least, I can distract him while you find a place to land safely," Kon says, ever-so-graciously not rising to the bite in Tim's voice. "'Cuz you're talking a big game about me getting killed, but it looks to me like just trying to fly out here is probably gonna get you killed. And I mean, I've already died once. I'd do it a thousand times over again to keep you safe."

It would have been kinder if he just punched Tim in the gut.

For a moment, he can't breathe; panic and hurt and fury and terror all sweep through him in an excruciating rush, and his grip tightens on the throttle so hard it hurts.

"Really?" he hears himself say, lashing out in automatic self-defense. He hates this, hates fighting with Kon, hates what he's about to say because he knows it's cruel, but he can't stop himself in time as the words pour out. "You'd put me through the survivor's guilt and the grief and everything you know I went through once already, a thousand times over? Didn't know you had that kinda viciousness in you." He laughs humorlessly. "Kinda impressed, if I'm being honest."

For a moment, there's nothing but the sounds of beeping sensors and the howling wind. For a moment, Tim is terrified Kon has just vanished, thrown himself into the heart of the storm without another word—

But then warm, strong arms wrap around his shoulders and chest, and Kon's cheek presses against his hair, and Tim can breathe again. Kon is leaning over the back of his chair and just holding him, and Tim can breathe.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it, Rob," Kon murmurs. His breath against Tim's ear sends a shiver down his spine. "But I... you're right. I shouldn't have said... I mean, I... well, we can—we can talk about all that later. Right now, let's just..."

"Sorry." Tim takes one hand from the yoke to lay it over Kon's wrist, just for a moment. His heart is still thundering in his chest, a mirror of the storm outside; he doesn't need to ask to know whether Kon knows. "I didn't mean it. You're not—you're the kindest person I know."

"Tim." Kon holds him a little tighter. "It's okay, dude. Let's just focus on getting outta here for now, yeah?"

Getting out of here. Not confronting the sorcerer. Tim sucks in a breath. They do need to get Cassie some medical help, and some time to strategize can't hurt. Hopefully, he won't grow too powerful before they can double back and take him out.

"Okay," he says, and rubs his thumb over the pulse point in Kon's wrist before reluctantly dropping his hand back to the yoke. The wind outside buffets them relentlessly, despite even the formidable stabilizing tech built into the Batplane; he can't afford to keep his hands off it for too long.

Lightning flashes again. It's a little easier not to flinch.

"I'll run distraction outside," Kon says. "But I promise I won't confront him. Just get you a little breathing room to fly."

Anxiety spikes again in his chest, but Tim nods. He trusts Kon, and Kon is more than capable of playing a distraction while keeping a safe distance. "...Be careful."

Kon somehow, breathtakingly, manages to laugh despite it all. "C'mon, Rob, you know me. When am I not?"

He drops a quick kiss to the top of Tim's head, then vanishes before Tim has the chance to answer. Tim misses his warmth immediately.

It's fine. He'll hold Kon to that promise to talk later. For now, all that's left to do is to make it out of the storm.

50 Prompts About Devotion

[bunnybunbun0]

robert chase boyfriend headcanons

look whos writing fro a dead fandom again?! well boo hoo,im nearly done with house,and im experiencing dr chase brain rot,so heres this!

enjoy!

-chase is the type of guy to celebrate monthly anniversaries

"happy three months anniversary baby" and he has a cake and everything

-pays attention to your bad habits in order to prevent them. Like,if he sees youre chewing on your nails hell give you a pen to hold and stim with or a sucker to distract you.

-also,he is a terrible liar,blame catholic guilt fro this one.

-if youre trying to hide your relationship from house and the rest of the team good luck,because this boy cant be sneaky for the life of him.

-we all agree he is a cocky flirt right? that is until you flirt back,then he instantly becomes a blubbering mess os shyness.

-you look sad? he will have none of it,goofy mood is activatd and hell do every silly trick on the book to get a laugh out of you.

-will do anything posible and impossible to cheer you up;pull you in for a dance,tell embarassing stories from his college days,anything!

-it goes without saying that hes very particular about his hair,yet youre still the only one who have the privillege of touching it

-overprotective at his top. hes okay with being mae fun of or treated poorly by patients or the hospital staff,but when you become the target hes ready to show how far the medicine malpractice really goes.

-if youre in a point in the relationship where you share a house be ready to hear the most obnoxious songs being sung at the top of his lungs while he does chores.

-loves loves loves! showing you hes strong; cant open a jar? there he is! yur water bottle cap is on too tight? super chase to the rescue!

-after cameron he gets very insecure,so he needs constant reassurance that you actually does love him!

-small action that shows hes always paying attention to you;like pulling up the lose strap of your summer dress,covering the sharp edge of the tables with his hands so you dont bump on it and hurt yourself,refilling your bottle with cold water when he sees its running out,this type of thing.

-when he has the aux on the car and a romantic song comes on he sings in looking directly at you in a serenade style,bonus if the singer has a deep voice or an accent,then hes doing a full blown impression.

-gives the best massage ever,has your eyes rolling while undoing all the tension knots on your back,and he takes pride on it.

-you two definetely have a spicy playlist and when hes in a specially nasty mood he plays a few of its songs in public to fluster you.

hope yall have liked,i loved this baby girl so much

send an ask if you want headcanons from any other character

[neoninky]

So today I was binging Bridgerton cuz apparently I’m on a romantic drama spiral 😂 good ol stuffy British romances about rich people and their non-relatable problems 👍

Which has lead me to head canons surrounding a certain group of dashing young men who are basically from a historical drama…

Yes that’s right:

Diasomnia Courtship Head Canons

Featuring Lilia’s three sons (no this is not how I’m going to write them in my story-oh who am I kidding, yes it is 😂)

Tagging peeps for shenanigans: @nuitthegoddess @wysteriadelights @iscarlettappel @foxwitchaine @1ndigowitch @victoria1676

Malleus: The prince and soon-to-be king of Briar Valley, he is naturally expected to find himself a queen and future mother to his heirs. So courtship isn't something that comes as a surprise to him. In fact, it's something he was prepared for since he became old enough to understand what courtship and marriage even were.

For Malleus, this can go one of two ways: 1) if he's being forced to meet and court a some daughter of a noble family that he's not interested in, he'll be…avoidant. In other words, he out poofs away in firefly dust. Once the guards, or Silver and Sebek, OR Lilia, finally hunt him down and force him to show up, Malleus is polite. He goes through all the motions and acts like the perfect gentleman, but anyone who knows him well can see the distant, far-off look of escapism in his eyes.

OR 2) he's not only interested, he is INVESTED. Hoo boy, good luck stopping him from trying to be the only man on this girl's radar. Not only does he perform all the expected etiquette perfectly, Malleus Draconia is the epitome of "down bad". What's her favorite color? Favorite flowers? Does she like music? What's her favorite food??? This man will discover and procure all of it for her faster than lightning. Seven help him if she is (for some reason) not impressed, he'll be crushed. Seven help him if she is impressed and - dare it be so - shows appreciation and affection in return. Smitten doesn't even skim the surface, oof. Malleus Draconia needs to marry her now. His crew will have their hands full trying to help the love-struck royal not come on too strong (too late probably) or rush things too quickly. Either way, once his mind is made up, Malleus only has eyes for his queen.

Silver: Being a human raised primarily around fae folk or even half-fae folk, Silver is familiar with the range of courting rituals that various fae have performed over the years. Human courtship, on the other hand, well…he's a bit lost if not old-fashioned in that department. Mostly because of his lack of human interaction, but also because his father is Lilia. Self explanatory. He doesn't have a preference on fae women vs human/other women, though he understands that fae live far longer than humans so that might complicate things. Regardless, Silver is clumsy when wooing women (or anyone he might be interested in). He has the heart of the very best-boi boy but he can be a bit shy with showing/voicing his feelings at first.

The majority of his life has been dedicated to becoming a worthy knight for Malleus, though his school days allowed him some leisure and fun in between his training. Even so, Silver's bravery and tenacity in battle doesn't translate into romance. In fact, he often suffers from cold feet when faced with a potential crush/love interest. Silver logically knows certain things he can do to show his affection on paper. In action, however, he may need some help practice. Don't even get him started on the anxiety his sleep condition brings him. He gets so nervous about suddenly passing out in front of the girl he wants to romance that it will sometimes make him literally sick (poor guy). Once he FINALLY gets over his nerves and takes action, Silver can make his feelings known. It may be awkward but you won't find another more genuine confession from a guy who looked like he walked out of a fairy tale. Also don't be surprised if an army of woodland creatures was recruited to help out.

If rejected, Silver is nothing if not a man of honor. He sees no point in hounding a woman who isn't interested in him, no matter how much it hurts. If his feelings are reciprocated, the poor man might pass out from joy. If he prepares correctly, Silver drinks enough coffee to keep that from happening. Silver will then exhale in immense relief ask his beloved for an even more romantic date, which he spent at least three days planning out with the help of the other Diasomnia bois. Victory achieved.

Sebek: While Malleus is enthusiastic and full throttle and Silver is charmingly shy/awkward and slow to act, Sebek is somewhere in the middle. This man is and always has been very disciplined in all endeavors. For him, romance will be no different. Sebek Zigvolt has trained since childhood to be Malleus' knight. This is his greatest goal and ambition. Someday his lord will marry and have children, precious little princes and princesses! Naturally, their security and well-being are Sebek's top priority!! As such romance has been put on the back burner through the majority of Sebek's teen years.

Once Sebek sets his sights on courtship and romance, he will not settle for just anyone, no sir. He is a man with taste and standards. You know those girls who write down the traits of their ideal husbands in a list? Sebek is the male equivalent of that. It's not as shallow as it sounds, Sebek just knows what he wants. Granted he started the list when he was about 14 years old cough, so some things do change as he matures. Even so, Sebek is - like Silver - old-fashioned in romance. He knows all the moves: bringing her flowers on the first date, taking her on romantic moonlit walks while also respecting her boundaries and fighting off any hooligans that may threaten her dignity, getting her father's approval, the whole nine yards!

And boy is he prepared. He's actually quite proud - if not smug - of how much research he's put into properly courting a lady. His grandfather made sure to leave books out for him when he was young so of course he grew into an avid reader. Definitely learned a thing or two from romance novels but will not admit it out loud.

Either way, once Sebek finds his dream girl, he already has a strategy all mapped out. If one plan doesn't work, he's got backup plans. If things are going well, Sebek will not rush the courtship, but he will absolutely have the proposal and the wedding (hell, probably the honeymoon too dayum) all planned out in his head. If he somehow misses a detail, his mother and older sister will have at least five to ten different options at the ready to offer him and his lady love.

If for some reason Sebek's affections are rejected, he will put on a strong front…until he gets home/back to Malleus's castle and then he'll just fall to pieces. He's gonna need a grieving period, bless his heart. He will more than likely be a complete wreck until he gets the heartache completely out of his system.

If all goes well and Sebek does successfully get with his dream lady love, pssssh well OF COURSE he did! Was there ever any doubt?! Foolish humans, of course not! (Lies, Sebek definitely has moments of doubt that he covers up with loud outbursts and vigorous training to the point of exhaustion. Thank Seven that it did work out though, whew.)

BONUS:

Chaos ensues any time Lilia tries to make a meal to welcome his new 'daughters' to the family. The boys immediately go into covert ops to stop him from getting into the kitchen, sometimes asking their girlfriends/wives to help distract him or getting Lilia started on a story tangent about his travels, his glory days as a general, anything to keep him talking.

[rayssion]

I'm torn because in a sense I'm tired of reading pjo, don't get me wrong like it's about time these kids had some rest, found some peace and lived their lives without the constant danger, I'm feeling tired for them feeling tense all the time, only waiting for worst to happen and it keeps on happening. I want it to stop, I want all of this to stop, these demigods to live, to just lead a normal life.

But on the other hand I'm not ready to leave them yet, I want Rick to write more so I can read more, so I can know more about them, so I can live with them. I want more books and I want more series.

At this point honestly, if Rick just wrote a whole series of the demigods just living their lives normally without anything ever happening to them, a boring life were you just follow a routine, I will fucking dig it up.

Why can't we just read about them without them being in constant danger?? Don't you guys feel bad for Percy? Boy spent years going on quests and doing missions, he deserves a real rest.

So this dilemma lead me to the idea of next generation/s, I'd like to read about something in the future of the same timeline/universe setup of pjo hoo toa, it could be their kids or their grandchildren, just imagine how lovely would it be?

It's like watching the legend of Korra after watching the last airbender lol, you'll see Katara and hear all of them talking about Aang and all of that, and you'll feel the nostalgia because you've been their, you lived with them.

Imagine percabeth's great grandchildren going to camps to train and learn and they hear all these stories about their ancestors and how they saved the world, imagine them accidentally stumbling across solangelo's great grandchildren and they befriend each other without knowing that their families go way back.

And then these kids will have their own adventures (they'll suffer now that they're our new squad lol) and how fun it'll be for us as readers if let's say, one time they go on a quest to retrieve something we're familiar with, like Riptide maybe? Idk.

And a huge bonus!! That they'll at some point seek the huntres and I know they'll spend the long nights hearing stories about the great demigods from Thalia and Reyna. They'll tell them every big and small story, even the time Percy arranged with Hermes for his and Annabeth's anniversary in exchange for looking for his staff. They'll tell them about the cocoa puffs and how Nico always slept with them, and I just know one of them will be determined to descend to the underworld to meet them (because Nico is now dead and in the underworld with Hades and his cocoa puffs and possibly Will).

And at some point they'll have to cross Boston for some reason and oh my god they'll meet Magnus and Alex and they'll stay at the Chase house for a while also hearing some stories from Magnus and shopping from Blitzen.

Rick this's my petition to have mercy on Percy and our lovely demigods and let them live in peace but please don't quit writing, I breath your books more than oxygen at this point<3

[disregardcanon]

i'm thinking about a npmd the good place au and HOO BOY the ideas

it's a season 1 setup, with tinky as the architect of the neighborhood.

... good janets are petes and bad janets are teds. OUR pete is the neighborhood's pete and he's just kinda. trying to get by. shit's weird, guys. he doesn't remember how he got here and all his protocols have been messed up and the guy that took him isn't very nice. but this is- it's fine. it has to fine (there's no other choice.)

grace chastity is still adjusting to the idea that the christian god isn't real. she is not enjoying that very much, but she IS validated by the idea that her actions as a christian got her into The Place Where Good People Go. her actual exploits like mission trips and getting dances canceled and running abstinence camp are what are brought up during the Look How Cool We Are Welcome to the Neighborhood gala.

steph has been assigned to be her soulmate. she isn't supposed to be here. she's not like, an ABSURDLY bad person for anything, she just. was raised by solomon lauter. so she got the hell out of dodge after graduation and MAYBE she did some scams to get by after that. and like maybe she knows how to make a molotov cocktail and has used one once or twice. she certainly isn't The Best Person Who Did All These Things To Help the World and Support Great Liberal Causes that they keep saying she is. (she... wishes she was. though.) and these bible studies that her soulmate (soulmate???? THE FUCK) grace chastity keeps trying to force her to do so not to out her to the authorities as A Mistake Who Should Not Be Here. really aren't helping. (like come on. grace still insists that it's bad to be bisexual but look who her soulmate is? STEPH! so maybe steph knows more about how to adjust to this new world that little miss evangelist does)

ruth fleming is the first recorded case (according to tinky) of a Human Without a Soulmate in the history of humanity. just her fucking luck. she can't even get the robot guy to fuck her. ughgggghhh. you spend your life writing high quality erotic for lonely people and it gets you into heaven! but it doesn't even get you a partner. fuckin' rude

max jagerman doesn't think that he did anything wrong. he was the king of hatchetfield high, and then hatchetfield community college, and then he managed to fight his way to a backup quarterback spot on the jacksonville jaguars (this is the good place it will be the jaguars). and then! he's the REAL quarterback! if patrick ma-fucking-homes would just drop dead he'd be the most famous quarterback in the united states, thank you!

but when he dies... the guy doesn't tell him congrats on all the success. he doesn't even recognize that this is MAXWELL JAGERMAN! the quarterback who should be the most famous and well-respected in the united states. he makes some weird references to how... ambition... is... bad? and that those that hurt other people are... bad? says something about being a channel of peace or whatever? and that if this was a mix up then max is free to go to "drowsy town"? whatever the fuck that means.

so when he says "but you're not an ambitious bully that hurt others to get where you were! you're a super nice silent catholic monk who promoted peace on earth, right?" and max just.... stares.

"do you want to keep up your vow of silence? you can just nod." and max... does. because what the fuck do you say to that? shit shit shit shit shit shit FUCK

his "soulmate" is richie lipschitz, warrior for the sanctity of other people's art. why, if his youtube channel that makes fun of other people's bad art and takes and uses his fan base to come after much smaller creators isn't a net positive in the world, then what IS? some loser who doesn't understand anything complaining about the fascist implications of attack on titan on the internet? HA! (richie is disappointed that his soulmate isn't someone better, who likes him, but it was never going to live up to rei or asuka anyway. so he'll live)

he's the only one who knows max, and they went to high school together. max was the exact sort of bully that he was in canon. and it takes a LOT of sweet talk about how richie's the one who's actually supposed to be here to get him to stay quiet about the Max Actually Being an Awful Football Player and Not That Cool Silent Monk thing.

ruth and richie become friends through a series of sitcom tomfoolery. the sitcom tomfoolery is mainly Dragging The Poor Robot Into Playing Games and then Getting Mad That He's Better At The Games Than They Are. also ruth getting frustrated that the robot does not want to fuck her. (it's not because the robot does not want to fuck she's just not his type)

steph knows that she recognizes that silent monk guy from somewhere but can't quite put her finger on it, and she knows that something is VERY wrong here.

grace is developing a crush on her soulmate and does not know how to do that. (does being a soulmate count as marriage? is it actually bad to be gay when god doesn't even properly exist? did her actions matter since she wasn't serving a real god? what do you do with an EXISTENTIAL CRISIS IN THE AFTERLIFE?!?!?! ugh stomachache.)

max wants to figure out how to go back to being The Coolest Guy Ever, FUCK YEAH (he can't even shout go nighthawks or jacksonville jaguars, because he can't talk! it sucks!) but he knows that his soulmate Will Not Help. the guy, unreasonably, is still holding high school against him. and also everything else that max has legitimately messed up since then. (ha, it's almost like. consequences to your actions-) and then he meets grace chastity, biggest prude and most Sure of Herself in This Entire Place.

and he's in love <3 he prostrates himself in front of her and BEGS her to help him become "a good person" so that he can stay here. and grace is like i really don't have time for that i have to teach my own Secretly Shitty Soulmate the bible. and steph's like uh you can just. stop doing that. i'm really not interested-

and grace is like NO YOU ARE NOT LEAVING ME YOU BEAUTIFUL CHARMING SEDUCTRESS! and steph's like ugh. did i finally cure this girl's internalized homophobia in time for her to just. not leave me the fuck alone? fuck

so a max who, in theory, wants to learn grace chastity's version of Good Personhood so that he can earn his spot here and become Coolest Guy in the Good Place, King of Good Place High, and mainly just wants to spend time with her and get her to like him, grace who is having a bisexual panic attack and also fighting off existential dread, and steph, who knows that there is something very very wrong here and that grace can't help her with morality but also. has not figured out what's wrong or who can. is just stuck here while the other two flirt and grace occassionally remembers to make googly eyes HER way instead of max jagerman's. who IS the famous football player. what a fuckin' world

steph starts trying to research What the Fuck Is Wrong Here, and realizes that max's soulmate, richie, and tragically unattached ruth are befriending the Robot with Godlike Knowledge. and she's like oh wow i could probably utilize that in my Research.

more sitcom shenanigans occur. grace and max stop noticing that their third wheel isn't attending bible studies and they become more and more them just dancing towards sexual encounters.

steph uses her con artist raised by a politician (other type of con artist) skills to notice more and more strange fuckery, as things with the world start spiraling further and further out of control.

"you're pretty funny. you know, for a robot."

"not a robot."

"then what are you, exactly?"

"... a spankoffski?" and steph feels really bad for laughing.

she gets figured out as Not Who She Appears to Be and has to go through this big long contrived process to get to stay in the good place instead of getting shipped off, and it just seems... like so much. they bring up reps from the bad place and the stakes seem so contrived.

ruth and richie shenanigan together by Trying to Find The Swinger Soulmate Pairs while steph tries to figure out why, exactly, nothing feels real. and it feels less real when the walls start to enclose and she might be getting removed from the good place entirely.

the bad place representatives show up: another weird guy with another weird name and his own robot.

the bad place even has their own version of pete- a weird, horny bastard who won't answer anyone's questions and just complains the whole time. but why would that demon that they brought up be... willing? to let them cut a deal? why does their architect seem... weirdly chummy with them? they act almost the same, treating their robot right hands with the same amount of... callous contempt. perhaps the Ted "deserves" it, but-

... why isn't tinky kind to pete? pete might not be HUMAN, but he's still... sentient. he has thoughts and feelings and he's her favorite company in this godforsaken place- and tinky is supposed to be the creator of a place that's good and just.

what exactly are their numbers indicating? why is everything so confusing and bullshit and-

she runs out to the lake, just to clear her head. sit by the water and watch. she pulls her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms around them.

"hey pete?" she asks. the well-dressed robot materializes beside her. sitting cross-legged.

"everyone has... points, right? that's how they figure out if you go to the good place or the bad place?"

"that's correct."

"who has the most points here?"

"you."

steph chuckles. "good one, spankoffski. i didn't know you could joke on purpose"

he tilts his head in confusion. "it wasn't a joke."

"i- what?"

"there are only 5 sets of numbers here. yours is the highest. it's been going up steadily ever since you got here."

steph just stares. "pete, there can't- there's hundreds of people here. why would only 5 of us have numbers?"

"only humans have numbers," he says simply. and oh god, oh fuck, oh shit-

"how did you get here?" she asks softly.

he looks thoughtful for a moment. "i... don't remember."

so steph gathers up the five other humans and they break their way into tinky's office, pete in tow.

and he's like "huh. what are you all doing here together?"

the other four humans are still confused, but steph is a forceful personality and convinced them this was the only way to fix things.

"go ahead and send me to the bad place," steph says, "i thought about it, and i don't want to keep making things so HARD on all of you. i was soooo selfish in life, but i don't want to keep that up."

tinky looks anxious. "oh steph, you aren't a burden."

she smiles. "but i thought i wasn't even supposed to be here?"

"we've made it work," tinky promises.

steph laughs. "i don't think so. this show reminds me what my dad would do, when he wanted to seem like he was fighting for something politically that he already had set up. it's all a show, right?"

tinky grins tightly. "i don't know what you mean."

"you're not sending me to the bad place, because i'm ALREADY THERE!" she declares. the other humans gasp. pete looks unfazed.

tinky blinks. "i don't know what you're talking about."

"there are only 5 sets of numbers here," steph says, "and guess whose is the highest? MINE! and i'm not even supposed to be here."

"two clerical errors? really?" steph demands.

"things happen," tinky says.

"and the three that got here fair and square?" steph asks, "we have a self-righteous church girl, a bullied youtuber who started bullying people himself, and an erotic writer. of teacher/student!" steph laughs, "come on, you're telling me that THOSE are the best humanity has to offer? and that max and i both just so happpenneeddd to end up here? in error?"

tinky grits his teeth. "no one else here is even human. if they were, they'd act like it. and they'd have numbers. but they don't."

"this is our own little nightmare realm that you cooked up to torture us."

then tinky laughs, maniacal and goat-like.

"wait," grace whispers, "i'm not... a good person?"

"NO!" tinky cackles, "that was the fun! but now... someone's ruined it for all of us. we're going to have to reset everything now. are you happy, stephanie?"

she frowns. "reset?" tinky snaps his fingers, and the humans pass out on his floor.

"i'm not supposed to be here," pete says, looking with wide eyes over to the passed out humans.

"ugh," tinky says, "RESET!" and not-a-robot not-a-boy spankoffski resets too.

he has another chance at this. and another. and another. and another. and another- however many it takes to get this right. and he WILL get this right, after all. he has all the time in the world.

[moonlitlex]

i have so much to say abt chalice of the gods so im just gonna copy paste my review from goodreads here. you can also read it on goodreads

ok. i promised i would hate this book. and i do. i hate this book. i also hate rick riordan. in addition, i hate capitalism. i promise that’s relevant.

let’s talk about the book now. i’ll cover the things i love first. i love percy jackson. i love grover. i love annabeth. i love sally. i love paul. i love percy annabeth and grover together. all of these things are very obvious and self-explanatory. percy is hands down THE main character of all time. i have nothing bad to say about him. his literal fatal flaw is loyalty. he’s actually perfect and has no flaws. this is expected from the son of sally jackson, the perfect person. paul is sweet and kind to sally and that’s really all that matters. annabeth is awesome and supportive and so is grover and they’re all besties forever. you get it. you’ve read percy jackson.

the jokes are better than before. there are definitely some legitimately funny jokes in this book, which i was really missing from the last few rick riordan installments. and i don’t think this is because rick suddenly got funnier. i think it’s because this style of joke works for percy. of all of rick’s protagonists, percy seems the most natural fit for these jokes.

sally is great. grover and annabeth are generally on form. so is percy, as much as can be expected from rick riordan at this point. i will elaborate on this later.

now to complain. this is the stupidest premise i’ve ever heard of. percy is a high school senior. he is going to go to new rome university. he needs 3 divine recommendations. this is already a stupid premise but don’t worry, it gets worse. poseidon reveals that the reason percy needs these recommendations is that it’s a special requirement for him specifically made by zeus. and the reason he gets to have this stupid requirement is that he’s a child of the big three and shouldn’t exist.

hello. zeus. yes, lord zeus, it’s me. alexis.

what the absolute FUCK are you saying.

this doesn’t MAKE SENSE. the only reason percy shouldn’t have existed was that the gods had a stupid pact to not have any kids because of a stupid prophecy. two things here. one - that prophecy is OVER. everything turned out fine. thanks to percy jackson. you’re welcome, gods of olympus. two - percy has literally saved olympus TWICE now. two times. this is genuinely such a dumb and made up reason to send percy on a quest that i can’t even turn my brain off and enjoy it. it’s not fun. leave percy alone. LEAVE HIM ALONE.

it’s literally insane how stupid this setup is. rick keeps writing books about how the gods are horrible and take advantage of the demigods and the demigods live terrible lives. in this book, percy has LITERALLY saved olympus TWICE and motherfucking zeus (literally) had to be talked down from making him get 25 letters of recommendation to 3. this is AFTER percy spent 3 years in pjo almost being killed and got his memory wiped for 6-8 months depending on which book you read in hoo and then got sent on a quest to save the entire world AGAIN. this CHILD got like a 2-4 month break (depending on which book you’re reading) and he woke up with no fucking memory and had to spend like 2 more months fighting monsters and the literal primordial earth goddess. and now he has to go on literally pointless quests that someone who didn’t just get back home from saving the actual world could ALSO just do. because he needs to get some fucking letters of recommendation.

look. genuinely. percy jackson should snap at this point in the story. this boy should’ve snapped like at least 5 books ago. at minimum. rick wrote the perfect setup to show us percy’s instant descent into madness. he should LOSE it. all the gods have done for the ENTIRE time he’s known he’s a demigod is treat demigods like disposable tools. this is the point in the story where percy goes. wow. luke was right. you guys are all assholes who don’t care about us even a little bit. i am NOT saying what needs to follow is a fanfic-esque dark!percy story where he successfully destroys olympus or something. what i AM saying. is at bare minimum this is where percy goes you know what fuck you i hate you guys and washes his hands of being a demigod at least temporarily. at the very least he should sit back and think yeah, i don’t really want to go to new rome university. it’s not worth it. i will just go to a different university. look. it’s percy jackson. he can literally one shot all but the most fearsome monsters (typhon, the giants, a drakon, etc). he is literally going to be 100% completely fine going to mortal university AND he wont have to deal with zeus’s annoying ass.

listen. MY percy jackson wanted to kill smelly gabe as a 12 year old because he abused his mother. MY percy jackson doesn’t like bullies. MY percy jackson challenged ares to a fight just on the basis that ares was a fucking asshole.

MY percy jackson is not going on useless fucking quests to go to new rome university of all places.

which reminds me. why DOES he want to go to new rome university. this is percy jackson. he LOVES new york. why is percy “what did they do to my city” jackson going to university ACROSS THE COUNTRY from the city he loves. why is he doing that. and hey look. sally and paul (and soon estelle) are ALSO going to be in new york. so like WHY is he leaving for real. percy my fatal flaw is loyalty jackson. IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE OK! it’s percy he is seriously not going to have issues with common monsters attacking him. we literally saw him fight off titans and giants a fucking hellhound isn’t gonna get his ass. WHY is he leaving. it does NOT make sense.

there’s this scene ok. where sally tells them she’s pregnant. and percy’s like oh my god…. i’m going to be in california…. and my sister is going to be here…. and i was just sitting there going. yeah bro. why are you going to california. i literally do not understand. you literally are from nyc. you live here. your family is here. your friends from chb are like a short pegasus ride away. there are like 50 universities in new york. just go here. why are you leaving. you are percy jackson. being a new yorker is literally one of your defining traits. stay here. WHY AR EYOU LEAVING I DO NOT UNDERSTAND PERSEUS

and listen. if your argument is that annabeth is going to be in nru. why the FUCK is ANNABETH going to nru!!!!! WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT!!!! EXPLAIN IT!!!! percy LITERALLY says annabeth is such an overachiever she’s already run out of ap classes to take. he literally says that. why the fuck is this girl going to nru where let’s be real her admission is guaranteed. annabeth is 100% someone who would want to go to an ivy. and would you fucking believe it there’s an ivy right here in nyc. like let’s be fucking realistic here. annabeth started her architecture career at SIXTEEN designing the city the fucking GODS live in. so like. don’t you think she’d want to be a bit more challenged. don’t you think she’d want to go to a university that is actually recognizable to mortals. annabeth did NOT love new rome that much like did richard forget what he wrote. this girl was freaking out about new rome until percy said he only likes it because they could live together there. she literally does not care about new rome and she is WAY too ambitious and academically inclined to be happy with going to some small as uni 99% of employers have never heard of.

this isn’t even the worst character assassination in the book. that award goes to the way rick wrote percy. percy. my darling percy. my beloved percy. perseus jackson. light of my life. as i said before, he is MOSTLY on form. the him really wanting to cali thing is definitely ooc for him but it is NOTHING compared to the sheer amount of times rick portrays percy as stupid in this accursed novel. his internal monologue is constantly shit like i’m always so behind annabeth and omg i’m being so dumb right now and annabeth calls me seaweed brain because i’m an idiot and blah blah fucking blah.

dick riordan has forgotten that perseus jackson is, in fact, not stupid at all. he is INCREDIBLY clever. he is just not particularly academically inclined/not very book smart and it would also be perfectly understandable given the fucking books that riordan wrote to interpret that as percy being very discouraged from engaging with his studies. he genuinely enjoys chiron’s class at yancy because chiron is an engaging teacher and encourages him. he spends 90% of his time in pjo deducing what’s going on with extremely limited information because rick decided none of the characters can tell him anything because of plot and exposition reasons. in son of neptune he literally just coasts on having sherlockian (not bbc that’s a whole other angry review) powers of deduction. to the point where the characters around him are amazed at how he’s figuring stuff out. literally in house of hades annabeth’s pov’s are constantly her commenting on how she gives percy shit for being a dumbass but he’s actually really clever.

it genuinely feels like at some point during the writing of mark of athena rick decided to just slowly start making various fanon ideas canon. percy being stupid is very commonly accepted fanon because he doesn’t realize how smart he is (and fans don’t realize he’s an unreliable narrator) and the fans also love to infantilize characters with more in your face adhd (leo is another victim of this phenomenon). we’ve spent 5 books in percy’s head and he doesn’t think he’s particularly clever so it makes sense to ignore the mountains of evidence pointing towards his quick and creative thought process in favour of haha percy is dumb jokes.

the wild thing is, percy isn’t even that hard on himself in pjo. he obviously doesn’t see himself in the same way we later come to find out other people see him (mainly thinking about hazel and frank in son of neptune, which is the only time in hoo he genuinely feels like the same character as pjo percy) but he’s not really dealing with crazy self doubt and self esteem issues. he does have his down on himself moments but they’re all extremely understandable given the context because he literally faces impossible odds in every single pjo book. at one point he’s disappointed he couldn’t tell that ares and luke manipulated him… like yes bestie that’s a very valid thing to feel upset and betrayed about. it doesn’t mean that he’s actually stupid though and genuinely he comes across more as humble and not realizing just how awesome and cool and interesting he is than anything else. percy consistently shows that he is really clever. half of pjo is percy figuring out a new and interesting way of defeating his enemies and the other half is percy figuring out how to bait his enemies into a duel to improve his odds. it’s horrible what rick does to percy in his internal monologue.

it’s to an insane degree. yes i realize i have already written 500 words about percy not being stupid alone but i must stress how egregious this is. it’s literally characters who have previously acknowledged percy’s intelligence who start remarking about how he’s stupid. in house of hades percy and annabeth get out of fucking TARTARUS and reyna makes a jab about how percy wouldn’t be able to find his way out of a paper bag without annabeth. that is an INSANE thing to say for reyna and for rick. rick has not written a stupid character so it’s weird to make that something a character does without really trying to show them being wrong. from reyna’s perspective, this is a guy she was complimenting a few short weeks ago. this is a guy she immediately wanted to make a leader at the camp that she loves and is her home. this is guy she barely knows and she pretty much immediately proposes to him. WHY would she suddenly start making jokes about how dumb he is? it’s not like she actually knows him better now. he came to the battle with reinforcements and basically immediately dipped after the feast. how are we to accept reyna treating our beloved perseus in this horrific manner? we simply cannot. it is unnacceptable. this is inaccurate.

it’s so WRONG to do this to percy. yES I UNDERSTAND I HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THIS FOR TOO LONG. I DON’T CARE. PERCY JACKSON IS MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE AND I NEED TO DEFEND HIM FROM THIS SLANDER. I AM ONLY PARTIALLY JOKING. listen. liSTEN. this is the guy whose signature move is manipulate your enemy into dueling with you when you’re outnumbered or outmatched. he very coolly manipulated bob into killing his own brother (btw this was very hot and sexy and clever and attractive perseus is king of gaslight gatekeep girlboss). he is NOT stupid. he is impulsive. he is extremely oblivious about some things. he is NOT stupid. i watched perseus jackson grow up for 5 books and he is not stupid. i always say this. i always say that percy is not stupid and richard riordan refuses to listen to me.

there are such horrendous lines as “i am a guy of limited talents. if i can’t kill it with water, a sword, or sarcasm, i’m basically defenseless.” richard how DARE you say this about my beloved perseus. he is NEVER like this. he literally would never say that. even at absolute worst percy’s internal monologue was “this plan is stupid and will get us killed. but it’s the plan i have.” he’s NOT a being defenseless guy. what hte fuck are you saying. richard did you read your own books. RICHARD. DID YOU. at one point he says that he is constantly several steps behind annabeth’s thought process. he has literally never thought this before and it is also untrue. richard. i hate you. read your own fucking books oh my god.

ok. i think i have sufficiently harped on the fact that percy is not stupid. now i will complain about another thing. and this was just in one part but it bothered me and this is my review so i get to talk about whatever i want. if you don’t like it read someone else’s review. don’t hate read my review. i didn't charge you money to read it

at one point, percy has to wrestle a god who hercules once wrestled. and annabeth says something about hercules brute forcing it. and look. i GET that hercules was freakishly strong. i get that. i understand it. but when annabeth says hercules just brute forced it they’re both like ah shit i can’t do that. perseus. beloved. you ripped the minotaurs horn off its head with your bare hands as a 12 year old with no training. you are literally insanely strong as is. that is an insane thing for a 12 year old to be able to do. hell, that would be an insane thing for a grown adult to do. i don’t think rick realizes how op percy is. he was so caught up in making percy cool (which is, you know, extremely understandable and right and correct percy jackson is the coolest man in fiction for a reason i get it) that he forgot that he made percy extremely unbelievably powerful too. with the curse of achilles he was potentially matching minor gods in power level. he fights while sustaining mini-hurricanes and explodes glaciers and shit.

some more things. the prose is… acceptable. the plot reads like a fever dream. there is a smoothie shop called himbo juice that annabeth percy and grover are evidently regulars at. and there are. himbos. that serve. juice. so you can imagine what this fever dream looks like. like the last couple rick riordan releases, this one reads like published fanfiction too, just with better quality of writing than the sun and the star.

there are some WEIRD continuity errors in here. one of them is fairly minor but i still noticed it - percy says his father compared his mother to a princess. this is not true. poseidon compared sally to a queen. specifically, he called her “a queen among women”. i know this because i am sally jackson’s number 1 fan.

more egregiously, however, is annabeth’s yankees cap heebie jeebies. percy puts on annabeths’s cap and gets the heebie jeebies while using it. and then he goes wow annabeth. you never told me that using the cap is like this. and annabeth is like yeah well. power is like that. richard. riordan. did you fucking FORGET that percy has, in fact, worn annabeth’s cap before. and it was literally completely. once again, richard, did you read your own books.

one more good thing - when percy fights geras/gary, who is the god/personification of old age, the way he does it is by imagining him and his friends getting older and embracing it. this was a genuinely good and sweet moment and it was very touching. the trio’s talks about this after the fact are also absolutely a return to form from riordan. for like, a few paragraphs. but still.

the biggest problem is just how obvious it is that this book is a cash grab. we had pjo. then we had a sequel series. then we had ANOTHER sequel series. and now we’re getting random standalone novels that are extremely unnecessary and don’t add anything. rick riordan has dollar signs in his eyes. these are not stories that make sense. these are not stories rick genuinely wanted to tell. these are stories that are being told because the purpose of publishing books now is to maximize profit. (sidebar - i told you the capitalism thing would be relevant. you should believe me more often. smh) the only reason rick is still writing these books is that they make money. they feel extremely empty and hollow.

percy is trapped as a teenager forever because rick refuses to let him age up. percy accepting old age would make FAR more sense for a percy who’s in his 20’s and just now realizing that he lived past all the shit he thought was going to kill him and he has a real life that he likes and he could actually grow old now. but percy must be a child for marketing purposes, so he stays a child. the world itself is trapped in a cycle of the gods promising they’ll be better and the gods literally not changing at all. and for the sake of the book series, it can’t change. if we had real change in the world, that would actually mean something, silly. we can’t have consequences. we have to reset every 5 years like a fucking comic book so that we can make infinite money. this is the infinite money glitch irl. just make trash that doesn’t need to be made. the end point of capitalism is making trash no one asked for that has no artistic merit just because you can make money off of it.

by the way, dr emily wilson’s iliad translation, which was also out on the same day, is LESS expensive than this book. this cashgrab nonsense novel is MORE expensive than a book a professor in classics who has a phd spent 4 years on. this is just wrong. the fun and stupid cashgrab book should NOT be more expensive than a book that someone spent 4 years meticulously translating from ancient greek. it’s just so clear and in your face. trials of apollo absolutely felt like a cashgrab but at least there was SOME semblance of effort there. this is literally just the most plain and simple cashgrab novel you can make.

hey. you know the infinite monkey theorem? the infinite monkey theorem is that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type any given text including shakespeare. richard riordan is a monkey with a typewriter. you get it. you’ve read percy jackson.

rick riordan struck gold with pjo. it’s genuinely to this day one of my favourite things i’ve ever read, flaws and all. it’s FUN. it’s COOL. it’s THEMATICALLY COHESIVE. the characters grow and change. they feel like real people with personalities. it literally doesn’t even matter how op percy is because THAT’S how good of a character he is. he is so compelling that you want to read about him anyway even though you can tell right from the minotaur fight that this kid can decimate whatever opponent he has. the books are funny and moving because you can genuinely connect to these characters. the more i read rick riordan’s work, the more certain i am that pjo was a fluke. i don’t think he knows what he’s doing. i think he should retire from writing.

unfortunately for me, richard riordan seems to have no intention of retiring. he has announced another percy jackson book that will be released next year. i assume there will be at least 2 more books based on the setup in this one.

rick. listen. i know you’re listening because what else will you do with your time. rick, why are you doing this. hasn’t percy been through enough. when will it end. give it a rest. stop it. get some help. at the very least, read your own books before writing percy. i am right about him and you are wrong about him. you are the author and i’m killing you right now. i am strangling you and i am hitting you with weapons. all at once. i am very proficient at causing deaths. (this is a metaphor referring to roland barthes’ death of the author. i wish no bodily harm to richard riordan).

this book is… alright. percy is my smart king. sally jackson is queen of my heart. it’s a fun read but you do have to turn your brain off completely and read through some serious percy defamation.

[edit: i am downgrading this book to one star (was at 2). the more i think about it, the more angry i am. there is literally a paragraph tailor made to rub jason's death in our faces. it's about how he looks forward to getting old being married to piper and having grandchildren. it's a very low blow. jason is literally rick riordan's biggest missed opportunity and he's rubbing in how poorly he treated jason even after killing him off for apollo's character development.

annabeth still keeps putting percy down because rick doesn't realize how mean she is i guess. she's still scared of him. canonically. which is a really weird and fucked up thing to write imo. this relationship doesn't seem healthy in canon (they are healthy in my head, however, because i know what women are like) but rick refuses to address it or let them break up. i LOVE annabeth. i love her. but she is an extremely flawed character and rick never treats her as such. and it just makes it exhausting to read about her.

percy IS on form but it genuinely feels like he's tlt percy, not post hoo percy. his inner voice sounds way more immature than it has for most of pjo and in son. riordan also repurposes the "look, i didn't want to be a half-blood" line from tlt to make a dumb little joke about how high school is hard. it was a GOOD opening line. it immediately set the tone and told us so much about percy in literally just a handful of words. now it's a joke about how being a senior in high school sucks. it's this mcu-esque allergy to being sincere that pjo never had.

there is BARELY any grover in this book. i love grover so much that i was cheering any time he was there, but there is very little of him. he's in like 2 or 3 scenes and has his own side plot going on with juniper and being bad at understanding what his girlfriend wants or whatever. extremely unnecessary and not what i want for grover. this book kind of ends up feeling like it's about annabeth but from percy's perspective. she gets good moments at percy's expense. percy spends the book monologuing about how annabeth is way smarter than him and all he has is his sick ass water powers and the best swordfighting skill in 300 years, both of which are very downplayed. percy explodes a river and it's treated like this crazy freaky scary thing but two years ago in universe he made a volcano erupt and everyone was like yeah this makes sense percy is that powerful. in son he explodes a glacier and it's just a normal tuesday for him. he literally doesn't even react to it. and now we're supposed to believe his exploding and purifying a river feat is some unbelievable feat.]

in conclusion, i want a refund. no i did not purchase this book. however, i would like to be reimbursed about $5000 in emotional damages. i will also be suing richard riordan for defamation on percy’s behalf. good night new york city. and my beloved perseus jackson who lives in new york city.

[austinsmutler]

i think this is the request box??? SORRY UGH))) hi!! first time requesting! Could you do a BDE(or Austin)! Elvis x reader (could use she/her pronouns). Reader is timid and socially awkward. During one of Elvis’ shows, the staff at the venue are being really rude to her while she’s trying to get to his dressing room and saying like “just because you’re sleeping with him doesn’t give you any authority to come back here.” Elvis hears about this and confronts them after the show telling them that if they ever talk to his pretty girl like that again that he would do more than just fire them (FIRST TIME REQUESTING IM SORRY THIS IS A REALLY AWKWARD REQUEST)))

Oooh Anon. You’ve single-handedly pulled me out of my writing block with this request. If I could hug you, I would, but instead enjoy Austin!Elvis wanting to burn the world down to protect reader. I hope it's worth the wait.

Keep sending requests for Austin!Elvis, guys! These are so fun!

It's Only Love - Austin!Elvis x Reader - 2,000 words

What you’ll like: Protective Elvis, BDE Elvis, hurt/comfort, pet names ('baby' and 'pretty girl'), Elvis stands up to Colonel

Warnings: Period-typical misogyny, mild violence (nothing major or graphic but there is some grabbing)

Masterlist | Requests are currently open (Please tell me everything you want!)

“Well I’m leaving town baby, I’m leaving town for sure, then you won’t be bothered with me hanging round your door- but that’s alright…” Your boyfriend drawled into the microphone, leaning in with a sultry sway of his hips that had the crowd sighing. 

Elvis’ eyes found yours as he sang, “But that’s alright, that’s alright now mama, any way you do… Woo-hoo!” He howled as the song, and the show, finished. 

The girls around you went wild, showering the stage in everything from red roses to their bras. It was always a strange sight, especially when one bra fell over Elvis’ head and he turned to throw it at Bill, the bass player, with a laugh.

You’d been there every step of the way on the tour, from Memphis to Lousianna and all the way to North Carolina. No matter where Elvis went, there was a crowd of girls screaming his name and throwing their garments at his feet. 

But you weren’t one of them. Elvis’ eyes always picked you out in the crowd and held you, performing your favorites as a secret serenade in every show.

You’d known Elvis since you were children, growing up together on the outskirts of Tupelo, sneaking into Black Pentecostal churches together, and- slowly as growing up- falling in love. 

Your parents hardly had to be persuaded to let you follow him across the country, because you had practically been married since the first time Elvis had grabbed your hand and led you inside the tent as they sang Up Above My Head. Elvis didn’t just teach you the words, he’d burned them into your soul, never letting go of your hand once as you both sang,

“I wanna soothe my heart, I wanna ease my mind, I wanna move my shoes and see what I can find…”

Elvis had found music, but you’d found him. 

** **

Usually Elvis would sneak out from backstage and meet you after the show, but with bigger crowds and Elvis more recognizable than ever, you’d agreed it was best for you to simply come backstage from now on. Everyone who worked with Elvis knew you- even the band members affectionately called you Mrs Presley. 

Which made it surprising when the bouncers- rare members of the team who weren’t Elvis’ direct friends or family -cut you off. 

“Backstage is for band members only.”

“What? Tommy, come on.” You put your hands on your hips, frowning up at the tall man. “You know me.”

“Sorry ma’am, Colonel’s orders.”

“Excuse me?” You caught eyes with Bill, passing behind Tommy. “Hey, Bill!”

“Hey, that's ol’ Mrs Presley!” Bill greeted you with a smile. “C’mon boys, let her through.”

“Backstage is for band members only.” The other bouncer, Tex, repeated. “Sorry Bill.”

You looked at Bill for help, but he was frowning at the other men. “Well, I’m a band member, and she’s with us. Let her through.” 

“Can’t. Colonel’s say-so.” Tommy said expressionlessly. “Real sorry, Bill.”

“You’re gonna be.” Bill looked at you. “Wait here, it’s gonna be alright.”

The second Bill was out of earshot, the bouncers focused their attention on you. It was the first time all tour you’d felt… afraid. It was a hot July night and you’d left your cardigan at home. Suddenly your shoulders felt too bare as they looked you up and down, disgust slowly filtering onto their faces. 

“Just because you’re fucking the boss doesn’t mean you can come back here.” Tommy growled, while Tex stepped forward to shove you further back. 

“He'll be done with you soon enough. Girls like you get boring after a while.” 

You bit your lip, fighting back tears, but you instinctively pushed back against the larger man. Tex’s face twisted in rage as he grabbed your arms with bruising strength. 

“Don’t think you can get away with that, just because you’re sleeping with Presley.”

He shoved you back so hard you hit the wall. You cried out in shock and pain as your head hit the wall and the world turned blurry.

“What the fuck is going on here?” A low voice growled from behind the bouncers. Elvis, still in his pink and black stage suit.

Bill was with him, but when he saw the scene, he took a step back from the singer as if he’d explode. If it were possible, Elvis would be ticking like a bomb ready to blow. 

“Elvis-” Tommy started, but Elvis silenced him with one hand. His dark blue eyes fixed on Tex, who was still in front of you, so uncomfortably close you could smell the sweat under his suit. It made you nauseous. 

You were still dazed from your head hitting the wall, unable to speak as Elvis stalked forward. For every step forward Elvis took, Tex took a step back. 

“I’m gonna give you one chance to explain what you were doing, touching my girl like that.” Elvis snarled. “And that’s one more chance than you deserve, so be quick.”

“W-well, boss-” Tex suddenly didn’t seem so big, hands at his sides, staring at his shoes. He looked more like a child being scolded. “We didn’t mean to-”

“Then what did you mean to do?” Elvis snapped. He was between you and Tex now, hand grasping yours with a reassuring squeeze. "Cause it looked to me like you were throwing my girl around like a rag doll, which she ain't." 

“Listen, we-” Tommy stepped forward, but Elvis interrupted. 

“No, you both listen. You’re fired. If I see either of you near my show or my pretty girl again, I’ll do more than just fire you. Got it?”

He didn’t wait for their response, wrapping an arm around you and guiding you backstage to his dressing room. The pain didn’t fully set in until he sat you in his chair. You winced.

Elvis felt at the lump on the back of your head. No skin was broken, but it still throbbed. Colorful bruises were already beginning to form on your arms where Tex had all-but thrown you backwards.

“Oh, no. No, no, no." Elvis murmured when he saw the marks. He was on his knees, looking up at you with a pained expression. “I’m so sorry, baby.” 

He kissed every bruise on your skin so softly you barely felt the heat of his lips. All the while he murmured comforting words, 

“I ain’t ever gonna let this happen to you again. Never gonna let anything like this happen again. I promise.”

You were silent, replaying Tommy and Tex's words over in your head. They had no idea what they were talking about, but the words still left you with a lingering nausea, far worse than any of the bruising on your body.

“How’s my girl doing?”

“I’m okay.” Your voice was meek, even to your own ears. 

"Hey, pretty girl," Elvis frowned, cupping your chin, running his thumb over your bottom lip. “You can tell me.”

And you did. As the tears finally spilled over your eyes, you told Elvis the worst of what the bouncers said. Tension flooded into his shoulders as you repeated their words.

Just because you’re fucking the boss doesn’t mean you can come back here.

“Those sons of-” Elvis caught himself, running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry you had to hear that, baby. They ain’t ever gonna work again, I'll make sure of it.” 

He kissed the back of one hand, then the other. Elvis’ eyeliner was messy after a night of performing, sweat still glazing his skin. He looked… tired. You’d never seen Elvis tired before, and the sight scared you more than anything. For the first time in twenty years of knowing him, he looked less than invincible. 

You wiped the sweat from his forehead, leaning down to kiss him. 

“I’ll be fine, really.” You smiled weakly. “You didn’t have to fire them.”

“If I ever had to see ‘em again I’d do worse than that, baby.” He pulled you in close to kiss your forehead, then your lips. “I’m gonna talk to the Colonel. Make sure he files a police report and hires real security for our next show.” 

You bit your lip, remembering their words. Colonel’s orders. “Elvis…”

Your lip wobbled. Elvis trusted nobody in the world more than the Colonel, aside from his mother. Would he believe you? 

Warm hands rubbed up and down your shoulders. “Hey, I’m right here.”

“The Colonel made them do it, they said he said not to let me through.” You blurted out, clamping a hand over your mouth, tears rising to your eyes again. Elvis’ hands froze on your shoulders. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-”

Elvis stood up. Through your tears, you could see the fire in his eyes. You thought he was angry before? Well, he was furious now. Hands bunched to fists at his sides, he didn't move for a long moment, just stared. Then he left the room without a word. 

It was common knowledge you didn’t get along with the Colonel. Elvis considered him a godsend, the man who launched his entire career. You considered him a toad, especially after one conversation you’d overheard in Graceland:

“If the fans know about her, they won’t follow you.”

Elvis thought you’d gone up to bed, but you had lingered to grab a glass of water… and listen to the men talking business. The thought had never crossed your mind before that you were part of that business. 

“Little girlfriends, they don’t last. But your music? My dear boy, that is immortal- if you play your cards right.”

Elvis laughed, and your blood froze. Then the laughter stopped abruptly. 

“You’re serious? What’re you talking about, Colonel?” Your boyfriend’s voice was light and playful, but there was an edge to it. Something underneath you’d never heard before. “I sing from the heart, and she is my heart. Without her, there’s no music.”

“My boy-”

“Understand me?”

“But-”

“Do you understand me?” The playfulness dropped from his voice. Elvis was easily persuaded to go along with just about anything the Colonel dreamed up (“His plans got us this far, haven’t they?”) but from that night one thing was clear: your relationship was not up for negotiation. 

Until tonight.

You stayed there for a while, emptiness settling in your stomach. Elvis didn’t believe you. Why would he? The Colonel had got him this far. Got him a tour in all fifty states. Made him enough money to buy Graceland and as many Cadillacs as he could imagine. You were just a girl from Tupelo, he could find another.

Still, you waited, hoped he’d come back. You could apologize, say you must’ve misunderstood, say anything to get him back. A difficult life with Elvis and the Colonel was better than an empty life without the man you loved. 

Minutes turned to a full hour, so you left, dragging your feet towards the exit, hoping your motel room would still be available to you. Elvis wouldn’t leave you in the middle of America, miles from home with no way back, would he?

Distant shouting caught your attention. You recognized Elvis’ voice immediately and followed down the corridor to a slightly-open door that simply said ‘Colonel’.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” Elvis shouted so loud it made you jump, even as you paused outside the door to listen. “Who’re you gonna ban next, my mama?”

“Your mother is not the problem, my boy-” The Colonel sounded flustered, barely himself.

“And neither is she!” Elvis snarled, slamming something down inside the room. “Goddammit. I’ve told you before, I sing from the heart. You want to stop that?"

Silence. Had the Colonel ever been lost for words before?

Elvis continued, "Fine, we can break all our promises. How about this? I don’t see her backstage before and after every performance, I don’t sing. Or-" Elvis snapped his fingers, "Better idea, we go public. Let's see how many fans actually follow me for my music. I don't care about the rest of it."

“Elvis-”

“Those are your options. I’ll give you one more chance, but that’s it. And if I ever, ever find out you pulled this horseshit again, you're done."

The Colonel was silent for a while, but perhaps he muttered something quietly, or simply nodded, because the next thing you knew, Elvis was coming out of the room, fists still clenched and face flushed with anger. 

All of that melted away when he saw you. 

“Baby,” He murmured, taking your hand in his. “What’re you doing out here?”

"I- I thought-" Your body shook, and Elvis took the black jacket from his shoulders to drape it across yours. He led you away from the Colonel's door, back to the privacy of his dressing room. 

"You don't have to throw your life away because of me." You finally said.

Elvis smiled, wiping the tears from your cheeks with both hands. "Sweet girl." 

Without warning he picked you up and sat back in his chair, holding you on his lap while he peppered your face with kisses.

"A life without you? That's not one I want to be living." He pressed your foreheads together and let out a sigh. "But this right here, you and me? That's what's right. And I will protect that- protect you, Always."

[finchesslingshott]

HI THERE I JUST FINISHED LISTENING TO THE OUTSIDERS MUSICAL CAST ALBUM HOO BOY WHAT A WILD RIDE HERE ARE MY UNEDITED NOTES BUCKLE IN ITS A LOTTA WORDS

Tulsa ‘67 - 9/10

OK PONY??? HIS VOICE????

Instrumental i love you

“I know there’s so much more to life than what’s in front of me” UGHHH MY HEART

THIS IS ACTUALLY A BANGER WHAT THE HECK??

THE RUNS??? PONY???

I love tenors

The lyrics are just so simple and plain and straight-forward it really like emphazises the fact that pony’s only supposed to be 14-15 in this

“Building up the west side while the east side falls apart” WOAH

THE CHORDDDDD OH MY GOSH

“WE ARE GREASERS!” UGH IM SOBBING

PONYYYYYYY HIS VOICE I’M DYING HE’S PHENOMENAL

Grease Got a Hold - 10/10

Soda your voice- UGH IT’S PHENOMENAL (or maybe it’s dally? I’m not sure I’m bad at distinguishing voices)(pretty sure it's soda tho)

THE. FREAKING. SAXAPHONE.

WOAHHH OH MY GOSH OK RAPPER ERA I LOVE YOU SODA AND TWO-BIT

The harmonies have me ascending

“I LOVE YOU SUPERMAN” I’M SOBBING

THE HARMONIES. OH MY GOODNESS.

THE RUN????? YES?????

Runs in the Family - 8/10

DARRY I LOVE YOU.

“Now i’m stuck between the role of a brother and a father” 

The instrumental is so Hamilton-coded (specifically the smooth cello) and I love it

That was too short but oh my GOSH.

Great Expectations - 10/10

“Lately I’ve been thinking ‘bout that little orphan boy / whose parents died and left him all alone” MY HEART THE ABANDONMENT TRAUMA MY POOR BABY

“And I wonder / Is that orphan story mine?”

This is gonna be the one I’m gonna kin most you watch and wait

The EMOTIONS.

“I look around at all of my friends / but still I feel alone” OH MY GOSH

“I would follow them into battle but / this story isn’t mine”

THE HARMONIES. I’M IN TEARS.

PONYBOY CURTIS. YOU HAD NO RIGHT HITTING ME WITH A HIGH B RIGHT NOW

“It’s hard to write the story / when the story’s writing me”

Friday at the Drive-in - 8.5/10

THE INSTRUMENTAL? I LOVE YOU ORCHESTRA

CHERRY’S VOICE??? YES MA’AM ATE IT UP

THE HARMONIES. THE HARMONIES.

This sounds like the most fun number in the show like just from the sounds i’m hearing i need to see this show like right now

THAT WAS TOO SHORT BUT OH MY LORD

I Could Talk to You All Night - 9.5/10

Cherry your voice is so beautiful I love you

Just kiss Pony already hurry up /j

PONYBOY CURTIS. YOUR VOICE. MARRY ME.

I never shipped Cherry and Pony in the book or the movie but like- half of me is kinda-

THE HARMONIESSSSS I LOVE THEM.

“It was the first time in my life someone actually listened to me like that.”

UGH I LOVE YOU BOTH

Runs in the Family (Reprise) - 8.5/10

Soda’s dialogue in between Darry’s singing has me sobbing i love them

“I’ll fold the laundry… I’LL FOLD ALL OF IT!” i love you soda

Darry’s voice urgh I love tenors

“I try to keep you from the fire / but I’m the one that’s getting burned”

Darry mental breakdown song I’m living for it

THE RUN??? DARREL CURTIS???

“What’s the use of dreaming of a life I’ll never know?”

THE SHOUTING MATCH?? 

CALLING SODA “YOUR KNUCKLEHEAD BROTHER” IS COMPLETELY UNCALLED FOR HE’S LITERALLY RIGHT THERE DARRY

The drama the emotion I’m here for it

Far Away from Tulsa - 9.5/10

Ponyboy singing his rear off in this musical and I’m so grateful for it KEEP MY BOY SINGING

Yes romanticise your dreams king I love you

“Santa Fe” from Newsies’ depressed younger cousin fr

This song is for the kids dreaming of running away with their best friend and leaving their entire life behind

Oops another song to kin

AWWWWWH JOHNNY YOUR VOICE I LOVE YOU

“And every night we’d stare up at the stars”

THE HARMONIES I LOVE THEM

I never shipped these guys either but like I can see it tbh

THE CALLBACK TO “GREAT EXPECTATIONS”

ONCE AGAIN PONYBOY YOU AND YOUR HIGH NOTES ARE BREAKING ME APART I LOVE YOU

I needed more Johnny but it’s okay

Run Run Brother - 9.5/10

The opening dialogue already breaking my heart Pony sounds so panicked

Johnny your little voice i love you

Once again these lyrics are so straightforward

THE HARMONIES

Dally I love you

THIS IS ACTUALLY SUCH A BOP WHAT

DALLY YOUR VOICE UGH ITS SO GOOD

It’s so cohesive to the book’s story I love it thank you S.E. Hinton for not completely changing the entire plot I wouldve lost my mind

“Even though it kills me to say / run run brother / run take cover” MY HEART IS DEAD

The ensemble/chorus vocals in the background are making it almost like eerie I love this

“You can run (?) from the fire / but you’re bound to get burned” FORESHADOWING

Johnny I love your speaking voice I need more of it

USING THE TRAIN SOUNDS I LOVE IT

Justice for Tulsa - 9/10

The beat is so Hamilton-coded /pos

Dallas hecking Winston I love you

Once again the chorus vocals adds a layer of like tension I never could’ve imagined

CHERRY!!!! HEY POOKIE!!!!

“When it was only you and me alone / I saw a side of you I wished you’d known”

HEY RANDY OMG IT’S MY FAVORITE SIDE CHARACTER

“We were only having fun” urgh my heart this poor boy

Cherry standing up for Pony and Johnny go girl go

Is this the closer of act one? Cuz HOLY HECK

SOCS VOCALS I LOVE YOU GUYS

RANDY LET’S HECKING GO

THE HARMONIES OH MY GOSH

Death’s at My Door - 8.7/10

Once again freaking PONYBOY CURTIS I LOVE YOUR VOICE WITH MY ENTIRE SOUL

This feels like a Phoebe Bridgers song and honestly I am so freaking here for it

“Johnny can’t you see / I’ve brought this on / you should move on / you’d be better off without me” oh so he’s HURT okay

UGH JOHNNY YOUR SWEET LITTLE VOICE MY ANGEL

“The reason I’m living is you” THE HARMONIES, THE STATEMENT, MY BOYS

I LOVE THEM

Once again WAY TOO SHORT but URGH SO GOOD

I need a Phoebe Bridgers cover asap

Throwing in the Towel - 9/10

OK STRING INSTRUMENTAL?? I LOVE YOU ORCHESTRA

Darry’s voice urhghahaddskflgfhlksfdlhdgls

YIPPEE ANOTHER DARRY BREAKDOWN SONG I’M LOVING THE VULNERABILITY THAT WE NEVER SAW IN THE BOOK

Soda I love you

URGH SODA’S VOICE IT’S JUST SO ALGSJDFDHSKDLASDFKLS MY BEAUTIFUL BOY

Lil brother therapy session

“We gotta get our brother HOOOOOMEEEE” Soda your voice is just so phenomenal I love you

THE HARMONIESSSSSSS 

“We need you more than ever now / don’t go throwing in the towel” you go Soda encourage your brother therapy friend king 

Someone give these boys a hug for me I love them

THE HARMONIES MY HEART

Soda’s Letter - 9.5/10

THE INSTRUMENTAL ALONE MADE ME SAID “OH NOOOO D’:”

“Ponyboy this house ain’t a home without you” OH YOU’RE JUST GONNA BREAK MY HEART JUST LIKE THAT

“Your brother needs you just as much as you need him / and brother we ain’t doing so good alone” MY HEART

The vulnerability in this moment I can picture soda just in tears I’m sure that’s not how it’s set but let me have this okay

THE HARMONIES

“P.S. Say hey to Johnny for us :D”

URGH TOO SHORT AGAIN

Hoods Turned Heroes - 10/10

THE INSTRUMENTAL IS ALR FIRE WOAH

WAIT IS THIS CURLY WHAT’S-HIS-NAME???? OR HIS BROTHER?? WTV HIS NAME IS???

HIS VOICE IS FIRE NO MATTER WHO HE IS

This is actually such a banger no fair

“SOMEONE GOT ROBBED / SOMEONE GOT MUGGED / SOMEONE HAD A RUN IN WITH THE GREASER HOOD”

Gosh I love tenors literally so much 😭

WAYYYY TO SHORT OH MY GOOSH

Hopeless War / Trouble - 10/10

THIS SOUNDS LIKE ANOTHER BOYGENIUS SONG JUST FROM THE FIRST LIKE 2 SECONDS

PREPPING FOR EMOTIONAL DESTRUCTION

Uh-oh another song to kin

I love them

“Now that Johnny’s hurt and Bob has died / when will we be satisfied?” MY HEART

THIS CHORUS CHERRY YOU’RE KILLING ME

THE MOOD CHANGE????

OH MY GOSH THE INSTRUMENTAL

THE STRINGGGSSSSS (as a cello player i’m deceasing)

“DO IT FOR JOHNNY”

Little Brother - 9.7/10

ONCE AGAIN the bass + drum combo killing me 

OOO THE EMOTION DALLY

“Who would they beat on / if we weren’t around?”

THE FALSETTO????

“Little brother / sorry I failed you / i could not save you / no i can’t even save myself” DALLY???? ARE YOU OKAY BABE???

I can just picture him absolutely UNRAVELING at the point, javert-style

“They can’t take nothin’ more from me / If I ain’t got you / then I ain’t got nothin’ else” EXCUSE ME?????

“If anything was fair / you would still be here” DYING

DALLY YOUR VOICE I LOVE YOU

THE EERIE STRINGS USFJDLKFJGKFSDJ THE ORCHESTRA KID IN ME IS DECEASING

THE TENSION IN THE MUSIC??? THE BUILD UP

OH MY GOSH??

“JOHNNY CAN YOU SEE ME NOWWWWWW”

WAS THAT A TRAIN??? THAT’S NOT HOW IT WAS IN THE BOOK????

I’M SO CONFUSED AND SAD ALL AT THE SAME TIME?????

MY BOY????? COME BACKKK?????

Stay Gold - 10/10

JOHNNY???? BABE?????

“Swore I wasn’t ready to die / turns out I was wrong” LITERALLY STOP I’M SOBBING

Once again all I can think about is Phoebe Bridgers

“When you’re young / and the world is new / it’s easy to forget when all you’re tryna do is make it through”

Wuh-oh kinning a song again

“I’ll hold on to the good / cause I’ve made peace with all the bad”

THE HARMONIES I’M IN TEARS

“There’s still a whole lotta good in the world. Tell Dally. I don’ think he knows”

The harmonies and you can hear like the strain and emotion in Pony’s voice

YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT TO ME

Finale (Tulsa ‘67) - 9.7/10

YES FULL-CIRCLE MOMENT I LOVE YOU

“I use to idolize the actors on the screen / I looked like Newman like a king / and now I look at what my brothers did for me / they’re the reason I’m standing right now”

“Darrel you’re the toughest guy I know / it just took me too long to see / Soda you’re this family’s heart and soul / can you imagine how proud Mom and Dad must be?”

THE MONOLOGUE???? BABE???? SOMEONE HOLD ME I’M FALLING APART

“This is TUL-SA NINTEEN SIXTY SEVEN” will never cease to get me

DYING LITERALLY SHUT UP PONYBOY I LOVE YOU

“STAYYY GOOOOOLLLLDDDDDD”

Orchestra i love you never change

IN CONCLUSION: 

DARRY AND SODA I LITERALLY LOVE YOU SO MUCH

JOHNNY COME BACK BABY I MISS YOU

I didn’t get enough Randy but maybe that’s just me

ORCHESTRA FREAKING PHENOMENAL

[sttoru]

I’m not surprised a boy mom sended that ask women and girls are getting killed and assaulted every single day but men feel insecure boo hoo wont someone think of poor men they get hurt from patriarchy too😭😭😭 they cant cry how sad they cant wear pink 🤧🤧🤧lets care about men y’all since they get hurt from the system they benefit from and the system they made lets save them from themselves bc they are so dumb to do it themselves 🥹🥹🥹 the only reason why patriarchy is still alive bc men like it they love that they can benefit from it even the most ‘feminist’men will lose his shit once you talk a little bit deeper into feminism they don’t want to lose that comfort even if they start to cry how much they want or wear pink the patriarchy will be there even if we treat them nicely like we didn’t for the whole history the patriarchy still be there we were seen as property guys not even 100 years passed since we get our rights and there are women that still doesn’t have basic rights women had to fight to wear pants!!!fcking pants!!! So I’m sorry I’m not going to be nice to men they can feel insecure all they want bc there are women who cant talk back or say no even in the west and America so called places that women have ‘rights’ you know why? Bc they are scared to get killed or assaulted the laws protect those men there is a femicide going on in the world and you are caring about your son feeling insecure? Do you know why most girls feel insecure? Bc of their boy classmates they get made fun off the way they look and it gets worse once girls hits puberty teh way their body changes are getting made fun off if girls have even a little bit of body hair on their face or arms they get bullied for the rest of their school year so no idc about what boys think when thousands of women and girls are getting killed and assaulted every single day worldwide I’m sorry if this was poorly written my English died a little and this is too long like very very long I understand if you don’t want to answer to this I just couldn’t stop myself from writing all of this sorry again if this bothered you I also want to say I love your fics so much and the way you stand for women’s rights and Palestine 🇵🇸 please take care and don’t overwork yourself 🤧🤧🤧

anon i knew u’d have my back 🙏🏽 ate again w this one,, mhmmm. i’ll always defend women first, over any man in the world.

‘m sick and tired of us suffering and constantly being behind on lots of normal things compared to men. did u know that women weren’t allowed to have their own credit card until only 50 years ago ? there’s still so many stuff that need to change in this world until women can live equally and peacefully — so yes, men can fuck off n suck my dick!!! women first, always 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

and, of course, free palestine !!

[yandere-wishes]

Girl, i started the acolyte because of you (and qimir but we won't talk about that 🙂‍↔️) and hoo boy

I see what y'all were on about 😳 but also I'm enjoying the show in general (still haven't watched the latest ep yet tho)

Biggest honor EVER!!!

Please Anon, we can never NOT talk about Qimir. Starting the show just for him is SO VALID!!

I mean, I only got into Star Wars because my favorite fanfic author was writing about Ashoka, and simultaneously, I discovered what a "Darth Maul" was.

I'm so glad you're enjoying the show too, it really doesn't deserve all the hate it got in the beginning. Plus, Qimri is one of the hottest guys in all of Star Wars!! And honestly, he really does add so much flavor and fun to the show as a character. I loved him during his "goofball era," and I'm especially loving him now in his "tall dark and evil era."

I'll say this much about the latest episode, it's a reiteration of one of the other episodes told from a different perspective.

[brettanomycroft]

My brother in christ how was I not following you. Anyways I'm going to pretend you reblogged the character bingo because PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT MARTIN!?

I only just came back and realized I wasn't following YOU until like yesterday but now all is right and good in the universe.

Okay hoo-ee whooo boy let's talk about Martin. Fucking. Blackwood!!!

A lot of characters in The Magnus Archives are truly tragic (see: Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Sopping Wet Meow Meow Institute) - they are victims of their own Fears and pride, or are manipulated to literal Hell and back, lose or destroy the things most precious to them, succumb fully to the machinations of horrible Eldritch abominations, or just straight-up get dead.

But in my mind, Martin is one of the few characters who in not really a tragic character. Does bad stuff happen to him? Oh yeah. Does he make bad or morally questionable decisions? As the Antichrist's plus one, absolutely. Is he kind of wheedling and pathetic at times? Definitely. A manipulative little shit? 100%.

But there's very little that happens to Martin that he doesn't in some sense own. He puts himself in horrible situation after horrible situation (from willingly letting his boss force him to relive a twisted version of his own deepest trauma to agreeing to jump into a tear in the space-time continuum) with a very clear-eyed view of what he's getting into and why he's doing it. Martin sometimes gets accused by characters in the show of being foolish or bumbling or just following orders, but he makes it clear time and time again that He Understands What He's Doing. More so, it seems he really understands what he's doing without the sort of illusion of trying to maintain objectivity or trying to "do good."

That's not to say that Martin doesn't care - he cares fiercely about the people he loves and is willing to make the hard choice when it's the right one - but his gray morality (especially when it comes to himself) is part of what makes him such an appealing character to me. He knows that the choices he's making will hurt him, or are morally questionable, or may cause a bigger problem down the line. He also knows that at the end of the day, he's still going to make those choices. I think ultimately that's what lets him support and push John in the final season: Martin has few doubts about the path he's taken to get to this point, and so he's able to shoulder some of the shock and trauma John is rocked with when it hits him that he's at the catalyst for a literal apocalypse and spirals into unknowable "What ifs."

OF COURSE A LOT OF THE REASON MARTIN IS ABLE TO DO THIS IS BECAUSE MOST OF THE TIME HE HAS LITTLE SENSE OF SELF-WORTH OR VALUE WHICH IS WHY INTO THE SALAD SPINNER HE GOES!!

Anyway, as someone who is a recovering people pleaser and is same hat when it comes to "Mommy issues" and "writing mediocre poetry," I really resonate with Martin's character in a lot of ways and think he's a lot of fun to write. Martin has a lot of nuance in his ability to seem unthreatening, using it to fly under the radar and still get what he wants (and in the end! He gets what he wants!!). I've read about people pleasing as a form of manipulation and, yeah, that's Marto to a T. But he's still also a soft and loving boy even as he advocates for his monster boyfriend to kill their enemies.

Personality aside, Martin is a canon Big Guy and there is something about trekking through the apocalypse with a guy who is big and tall enough to wrap me up in him that just makes me 😳😳😳😳 Like same, John, same. Some of my favorite Martin fics/Fanart feature situations where he's like a strapping farmer or breaks a zip tie with his bicep or just hauls people around and I am looking *so* respectfully.

[nevermindirah]

Booker vibes hard with scifi. he has so many visceral sense-memories of reading early scifi novels as the genre developed in his first decades of immortality. all the dystopia speaks to him for obvious being God's chew toy reasons, but there are times over the years when hopeful scifi stories boost him emotionally in a way no amount of good deeds or warm hugs seem to manage.

so by the time he gets stoned and goes to the movies in 1977, he's ready.

he falls hard for Han/Leia. he too was a scoundrel who fell in love with the coolest and smartest girl around who somehow found his scruffiness charming. he too came of age and put down roots amid galaxy-shaking political and social upheaval. but Star Wars was so safely cartoony in its far-away galaxy that he found he could earnestly enjoy how hopeful it was.

over the years he tore through the novels, he picked up fan magazines here and there, stopped by the occasional con. when he discovered fanfiction, hoo boy. he wrote over 100k of Han and Leia's snarky, sappy, smutty, blaster-heavy post-RotJ adventures in like the first month alone.

decades later, he very nearly had to leave the theater when Kylo Ren killed his father.

some of those same decades later, Nile. she's only 5 years old when Episode I comes out and by the time she's old enough to sit through all-ages blockbusters the prequels have been so ragged on that she doesn't bother. maybe she catches some of the original trilogy on cable at some point but she doesn't particularly connect to it.

Star Wars becomes relevant to Nile when she's in her figuring things out after high school era and she hears the guy from Attack the Block is gonna be in the new trilogy.

rip Finn's character arc and everything else that could've been so good about the sequel trilogy, but there's still some stuff to treasure there, and Nile — well.

a few months into immortality she does a marathon of the whole Skywalker saga. it's fun and silly and a way to spend a few days. the others pop in sometimes to watch with her but for the most part she's enjoying her own private screening. then she sees Rey all alone in that AT-AT carcass and suddenly she can't stop crying. Finn's storyline is just as wonderful and frustrating as she remembered, but the way he and Rey keep finding each other, keep fighting for each other — yeah.

suddenly she's WRITING. she's usually been drawn to visual arts when she has the time and interest to create, but here she is now, writing tens of thousands of words at a time, pouring her heart out through these two space orphans who have living family they just can't get back to and through a lot of galactic bullshit manage to build a new home in each other.

she starts getting regular comments from an ao3 account with a hilarious mishmash of works in a bunch of different fandoms going back years. there's some original trilogy fic on this person's account all dated the same day in 2009, and when she reads one, an intricately plotted and super romantic Han/Leia mission fic, she notices details that make it seem like it was written before the prequels came out.

the comments get longer. she and her commenter start chatting on discord, about their blorbos and fandom drama and increasingly just life. to the extent that Nile can tell anyone about her life, that is. it's nice, having an online friend.

then one day Booker fucks up. he lets a too-specific detail slip. Nile laughs in disbelief, types into discord "hey uh if I'm right about something, pick up your phone," and then she calls him.

years later, Booker will finally admit he did a little hacking to double-check it was her before dropping that purposeful slip. then he'll write Nile a lightning-hot fic where Finn introduces Rey to holonet cybersex.

[kermit-coded]

for the choose violence ask game:

1, 3, 8, 10, 12, 18, 22

answer whichever ones you want, i'm really curious about your dead boy detective and fantasy high hot takes are lol 🫶🏼

i know you said fantasy high/dead boy detectives but unfortunately most of my fandom takes have to do with comics so here we go.

the character everyone gets wrong.

kristen for sure. a lot of people paint her as this silly, irresponsible person who doesn't care about the consequences of her actions, but that's so derivative. she was raised in a restrictive, bigoted cult and it informs how she acts!! she's a teenager learning how to make her own choices after spending her entire life in an environment where thinking for yourself was actively discouraged, if not outright punished, so of course she's going to be messy.

3. worst fandom take i've seen.

hoo boy.... when you're a comics fan you've seen some abysmal takes. gotta be the takes surrounding how bruce is a coward for not wanting to kill people. yes, even the joker. is he flawed? yeah, but not wanting to permanently end a life is not one of those flaws. full stop.

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about.

honestly anything to do with tim drake and to an extent all of the bat siblings. theres a reason why i stopped engaging with the batfandom on a larger scale and that's because it has a tendency to sand down any interesting character traits in order to fit them into a nuclear family-esque dynamic. i really don't see tim and jason ever being that close, and i think they don't really see each other as siblings. also, dick was tim's robin, not jason.

10. worst part of fanon.

i'm going with comics again because it's insane how many people not only don't read the source material but actively brag about it. i think if you are going to call yourself a comics fan, then you need to read comics. otherwise you're a fucking poser. also i hate the damage xfi did to shatterstar as a character. peter david turned him into a slutty bi stereotype when in x force 1991 he literally has a panic attack the first time he gets a boner and is very specific about the people he trusts. that's not someone who would be sleeping around a lot, and yet so many people buy into that version of him and write him like that in fics. demisexual shatterstar ftw.

12. unpopular character that i actually really like.

hmm, not quite unpopular so much as niche but amadeus cho. he's such an interesting character and he deserves more love. he's a fun little anarchist and he hates the avengers and is wracked by guilt over his family dying because shield decided that a thirteen year old genius was a threat to national security and bombed his house. really interesting guy.

18. absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

charles and his trauma. maybe it's the aro in me but sooo many people seem only focused on charles in so much as him being in love with edwin back and im like... he has character traits outside of that.

22. my favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

EVERYONE GO READ X FORCE 1991. rictor and shatterstar my underrated x men beloveds...

🔥choose violence ask game🔥

[crehador]

Can I ask, if you have top favorite romantic couples (can be canon or non canon) of all time from any media? Why love them? Thx :D

ANON SORRY THIS ASK HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY INBOX FOR FIVE BILLION YEARS

this is such a fun thing to think about but my brain of course is just going "ichisama ichisama ichisama" nonstop, but now i will sit down and properly try to think of a top five (like the top 10 characters ask, i'll limit this to animanga and possibly group some together; i'm also limiting myself to ONLY icsm from hpmi, or this whole list would be hpmi lmao)

1. in first place of course it is ICHISAMA FOR LIFE

using this image yet again because well it's right there in my pinned and very convenient

i am a sucker for the dumb of ass kind of heart one falling for the bad boy with a heart of gold one, ESPECIALLY when they have the friends to enemies to lovers arc that ichisama does (ok the to lovers part is obviously hc only but hoo boy it is a strong hc)

what can i say about them really besides that i am writing a fic a day for them every day this year. i think that. says it all lol

2. gotta be koyanagi/kabakura wotakoi AND kashima/hori gsnk

while i'm not saying they are identical ships they definitely fall into the same bucket for me, and boy oh boy do i love that bucket

kashima and hori make me belligerently delighted, and koyanagi and kabakura make me a special sort of feral that i don't even know how to start in on

i really like narumi and hirotaka from wotakoi too, but there's something about koyanagi and kabakura that gets to me way more. the geek4geek dynamic is just impeccable with all four of them but the

[PUTTING THE CUT HERE BECAUSE WOTAKOI SPOILERS BELOW, ALSO TOKYO GHOUL SPOILERS FARTHER DOWN]

koyanagi/kabakura wedding just gave me a special sort of glee. i just don't think there's a single thing i don't love to pieces about them, their backstory ova only makes them better

3. saaaaaaya and yuusuke from neon sign amber (aka aokise knb)

obligatory shoutout to the boys of my FAVORITE BL OF ALL TIME ok so like as far as bl goes neon sign amber is really not the most unique thing, i would say. but that's what makes it so perfect to me

i feel like a lot of outstanding bl are great in ways that are 'atypical' for bl, like how saezuru is bl, sure, but also comes with a genuinely gripping gritty yakuza plot. and many others that are highly praised tend to be praised by people going "oh this is good because it's not like TYPICAL bl" which i have feelings about but let's not get into that here

neon sign amber is my favorite because it is very much a typical bl, it has a lot of the typical tropes (guy who's been historically straight but is "gay for you" for example)

i don't necessarily love any of those tropes, but i adore what neon sign amber does with them. it is practically a cookie cutter bl, but its characters (despite existing for only one volume of a manga) live in my heart forever. it takes that "gay for you" trope and doesn't gloss over the problems that could arise in a relationship like that, instead actually addressing them in a way i found satisfying

saya especially is one of my guys of all time, and given that they're kind of obviously aokise i'm lumping them in here too. mwah

4. idolish7 YUKIMOMO MY BELOVEDS (e banri)

thought about this one a lot because i feel like i normally like them in a... normal way, so do they really make the top five? but honestly i think they do

i love their stage gay married act and i love to think that's very much rooted in a foundation of they are actually fucking in love with each other. but just that would've made them a cute but not too memorable ship to me

THEIR BACKSTORY THOUGH. MY GOD. first of all baby momo looks literally just like tdd ichiro which is a. a lot. for me. lmao but anyway setting that aside

momo discovering revale at such a pivotal time in his life, being saved by them, becoming their fans, and then being the one to replace banri after THAT happened??? and then five years later feeling like he's running out of time with yuki and ad;slkfja;lkdsfj

i'm becoming incoherent just thinking about it. anyway i guess this is kind of an ot3 for me though i like it in very much a "we are a couple and we are, as a couple, dating banri" sort of thing (not because they wouldn't ever see banri as an equal partner but because imo banri has better things to do than get too involved in that lol)

5. this last one... is so tough... i think i'm giving it to VARIOUS RELATIONSHIPS IN TOKYO GHOUL

ok this is absolutely cheating and ultimately i think what i would have to say is kaneki and hide because like. eat my face to survive is peak romance to me, sorry. as if it's my fault

HOWEVER there are just so many relationships in tokyo ghoul that i'm absolutely obsessed with. amon/akira and nishio/kimi especially!! amon and akira are so so so delightful to me, in a way similar to roy and riza fma, and nishio and kimi are just. i mean. again. eat me to survive. peak romance

(and i swear i'm not a nishio stan because of voice actor bias, i have not watched tokyo ghoul yet because i have been repeatedly and sternly warned away from it... nishio is one of my manga favorites even without the asnm factor, but good fucking lord does the asnm factor tempt me to watch)

the writing in tokyo ghoul is genuinely just so good to me. the main plot is fantastic but what really makes it is the relationships between characters, both romantic and not

(also a fan of the one-sided tsukiyama/kaneki thing going on but strictly as a one-sided thing lol, tsukiyama get wrecked (said with affection))

so i think that is. more or less where my top five would be. though it's like. it's hard. and probably always changing. those are the first beloved ones to come to my though so they will go in this post and i will smack myself in the forehead and be like "I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT ______" as soon as i go to sleep probably

thank you for the ask!

[supervillain-smut]

You said I could send more so here we go (Hope it's not too much)

Brahms Heelshire

Lester Sinclair

Claire Redfield

Jill Valentine

Selina Kyle

Peter Maximoff

Kurt Wagner

Dylan Lenivy

(I'm gonna stop myself before I overload you lmaooo)

Oh boy, this is a good mix of known to me and unknown to me! Let's go!

Oh look! It's my favorite brat! 8/10. He would've been a 9, but the childish demeanor that I can't tell if it's manipulative or genuine throws me off.

Cute. But not that cute. 3/10. Personality? Gross and perverted. Physical aspect? Not for me. Just a fun lil guy.

7/10. Very pretty, badass. Don't really know much about her, I'm still getting into Resident Evil. She's kick-ass, though.

Unfortunately same as above. Looks better as a brunette, imo.

LOVE. HER. 9/10. Fun fact; I have a black cat named after her. She's an angel, BTW. Michelle Pfeiffer did an amazing job as her. Meow!

This one. This one was my favorite Quicksilver. (Nothing wrong with the current one.) 8/10. If you liked his actor in this, I'd HIGHLY suggest watching Bullet Train. Funny, a fair warning, gory, and HOO BOY.

Alan Cumming did a great job with him. I really need to write more for him. The things I could write with that tail alone-- anyways. 9.5/10. Liked him since I was a kid.

This one is new to me. Never seen or played The Quarry. Know absolutely nothing about him. 4/10. Too boyish for me. I could see it if I was younger lol.

Feel free to send in another one if you'd like, I'm having fun with this and yall get to know more about me.