#hopefully a longer list for 2023!

[vexalia]

got tagged by @marinxttes for “most life-affirming reads” of 2022 :)

Atlas of the Heart - Brené Brown

The Picture of Dorian Grey - Oscar Wilde

Peter Pan in Scarlet - Geraldine McCaughrean

Something Yet to Learn - Glitterbombshell

i tag: @heuheu-the-goose @andrastes @zydratenote and @valkyrieraisingcain if y’all are up for it

[soulrph]

chaotic unhinged lines from 2022-2023 (prompt edition).

basically in 2021 i made a list of prompts inspired by lines in tiktok videos and instagram reels that made me laugh so hard i cried! and now i have returned with another list! these may provide an alarmingly clear image of what my sense of humor is (aka broken) but i figure a little levity is always a good thing! more prompts are forthcoming, but in the mean time: bon appetit!

knowledge has always chased you, but you've always been faster.

no... no, that was mango apathy juice. from the farmer's market.

of all these people, you are the one i understand the least. i want to get to know you better, but like, not that much better.

i-i will CHEW YOUR MEAT!! WHAT are you doing?!

ooooh god, no, you wouldn't be long getting frostbit!

you are evil. like a hobbit.

WHY MUST YOU FAIL ME SO OFTEN?!?!!?

i have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

AHEM!! fill my cup.

may god ignore you like you ignored my greetings.

i will avenge you mister van gogh.

call off work bestie, we need you to solve a murder. here's fifteen dollars.

you're not in love. you may think you are, you dumb fuck, but you're not.

go ahead and put the ranch away.

sadly, "hopefully" doth butter no parsnips.

forget school, i want to be an italian sandwich.

you shouldn't skip work, you are a lawyer and he is a hamster.

you can stop roleplaying now. you're free.

her coupon game was so fucking raw.

i'm sorry guys... he's making a salad.

you could get a straight guy here if you learned to make a good pasta. i'll teach you how to make a risotto that'll get you married and out of my basement.

hey, do you want me to get together a plate of roast beef and hide it in our room so we can have night meats?

it's not the most ethical thing in the world, but in a pinch you can hand off a cursed object to basically any baby.

no, children, you're wrong. once upon a time, there was a piece of wood.

and i'm not saying she deserved it, but i am saying that god's timing is always riiiiight.

hydrate or die-drate, ya DICK!

why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was DEAD.

new york city is a fictional place written up by someone with a sinister mind and a knack for comedy.

this is grindr my guy.

wait, i didn't finish teaching you the difference between human and wolf anatomy.

it's time to tell your grandmother that she was wrong. do not be afraid.

vanilla vodka... you fucking child.

without ash to rise from, a phoenix would just be a bird getting up.

you are fucking alive. do what you want.

why are you cradling me like a baby, friend? this isn't how guys of my generation hang out.

i hope a hedgehog shits in your cereal, you difficult person.

you know, i am not as mean as i would like to be. and i think people should appreciate that more.

see, i am not a kangaroo.

well, i'd like to help, but... you see... not as much as i'd like not to.

rest in peace you fucking onion fairy.

when god sings with all his creations, will a turtle not be part of the choir?

i fight for a seat in heaven, every. single. day.

map maker? can you find me somewhere on the map where this big man thinks he's the king?

you bald-headed demon...

so... there are 24 million pigs in australia... and 24 million people... so if you ever feel lonely, there's like, a pig out there that's sort of your cosmic twin.

remember, alcohol is god's apology for making us self-aware.

i'm straight!! stop CONFUSING me!!!!!

you guys want something to eat? because... i know we'll die if we don't eat.

he is a BIBLICALLY gorgeous man. i wanna feed him grapes. i wanna fan him with the frond of a date palm from the forests of Lebanon. i wanna find the alabaster vial of perfume oil that one woman broke for jesus and comb it through his hair. like... he's stressing me OUT.

i'm not sad! i'm freaking HUNGRY!

maybe, if we wait a little bit longer, a fuck will fall into my hand, and i can give it to you.

it's not my fault you thought you lived in this IKEA.

let's leave my mother out of this.

jason may kill people but he's not bad enough to kick a dog.

i run for LUMP!

oh no, i'm all out of caring, baby!

you don't think it mcbe that way... but it mcdo.

what is this enticing bowl of white?

serious question, do his nipples sparkle?

what in the reese's peanut butter fuck is going on here?

if your parents don't buy it, stop loving them!

i just hope you know just how much you've decreased productivity today.

that was poetry at its FINEST.

and if you let that motherfucker shenan ONCE, you best believe they're gonna shenanIGAN!

may god bless the dinosaur that died to make the fossil fuel that was treated to become petrol in the car that took her mom to the hospital to give birth to her.

that's modern milk for ya. what a time to be alive.

you have attachment issues. please fix it.

remember when people had secrets? we should bring that back.

the moon landing was an elaborate marriage proposal.

i don't like the cobra chicken.

i didn't know eggs were this expensive? it's time to lay my own, i fear.

so you're saying the reason i don't have a girlfriend is because i'm not a big enough threat yet.

god gave him a top lip, that's why he's so powerful.

it's a common mistake, but frankenstein was actually the author.

i finally got a pocket-sized diary!!! also i don't get the concept of life.

if a beautiful woman disagrees with me, i will immediately change my view. i've no principles.

how did you all end up married to such boiled potatoes?

if so much as one tear drops from their eye... i will slap you back into your mum.

you are ringing a phone that does not like to be rung.

look how Dr. doofenschmirtz had a fucked up childhood but didn't project his trauma onto his teenage daughter. he projected it onto a platypus.

it is mathematically impossible for you to get a wedgie.

i'm breaking up with you. i love you, it's just... i don't think you could protect me from a mummy.

if you can't do fractions....... you will fucking die.

that's right; in the year 1791, all of our bottoms were killed in a Big Bottom Massacre.

people always assume i'm mean. like CAN you BELIEVE THAT CRAP?! like WHAT would make you think i'm MEAN?! I'M THE NICEST PERSON ON THE PLANET!

the chocolate milk is strikingly overpriced and at the same time very easy to steal; another of god's little tests.

someone's gotta tell the waiter that i ordered mashed 'taters and it sure as shit ain't gonna be me.

if i had a week i couldn't list all the reasons that wouldn't work.

[cebwrites]

Hello hello !! Just discovered your blog through the law x anxious reader fic, and it really helped me out :< indulged in your beautiful master list! Keep it up!!!

If your requests are open, are you okay to write more comfort scenarios with law x reader or Sanji x reader? Any sad/distracted reader scinario really !! ( extra cookies for a bottled up reader but not an important need) Only if you want to tho <3

pls take care of yourself and thank u!! Have a good day ^_^

a/n: hellooo anon from-- december 2023... ._.;; i've been meaning to get to your request for a while but just never got around to until now! hopefully you're still around to enjoy the food <//3

comforting their partner (Law, Sanji)

masc reader, they/them law word count: 0.8k

Law

You were known to get lost in your thoughts from time to time, so initially, Law wasn't worried.

You still keened into their touch as Law's hand brushed against your cheek for attention, you lounged on the couch in their office as they worked, occasionally pestering them with wants for kisses and the non-negotiable snack break, and you still pulled them to bed, to try and get some sleep, a few reasonable hours before the sun would peek over the horizon.

It was when you began to dwell on things that Law began to worry.

You weren't as quick to respond, you picked at your food—while somehow miraculously making sure they ate—and stared out of the Tang's port holes with a look in your eyes that wasn't like the usual daydreams.

It took them longer to realize than they'd like to but once they do, they talk to you about it, put it to bed sooner rather than later.

Law's familiar with all the motions you try to use to avoid confrontation, tools they've used before to run from being vulnerable with the people close to them, with their crew, with you. So they have none of it. They still give you space when you ask and let you know that you can come to them for anything, but Law becomes entirely more physical than they've ever been.

Cuddling and giving you little pecks on the cheek in front of crew members, crawling into bed with you without being asked, even setting up little movie nights for the both of you to relax. None of their advances are sexual, they're just a lot more present despite themself.

Knowing how difficult it must be for Law to be open like this, you relent and spill what's been troubling you all this time, slowly releasing the pressure you've built inside you until it comes out in full forced waves, wracking your body.

Law rests their head in the crook of your neck, offering comfort in the form of gentle circles on your back where words fail them but they try, regardless.

Once the tears have dried you offer them a consolation smile, make a little jab at yourself about how much time they've had to waste comforting you here, instead of doing work; their response is pinching your noise with a frown, only smiling at the silly sound you make in return.

"The only time wasted is time not spent with you, darling."

Sanji

Another suspect of serial "not-talking-about-his-feelings"-itis.

Sanji notices the change immediately, he tries to broach the topic with you but you sidestep it with excuses, a wry smile, and typical Strawhat chaos envelops the Sunny before Sanji can get anywhere near a concrete answer from you.

Still, his love is clearly upset about something and it's up to him to make his boyfriend feel better.

A wretched, dreadful part of him in the form of three men with ridiculous hair whispers that it's probably his fault, deepening the pit in Sanji's stomach that opened up when he first picked up on your mood, but he's quick to tamp it down in the moment.

It lingers, however, the longer you avoid him.

And when he starts holding back with you in return, this only deepens the well of worry you've cultivated.

Eventually, the crew conspires to get the two of you talking again - because the opposite is driving everyone up the wall. You don't pay attention to antics with Luffy and Usopp, Franky's inventions don't have you scurrying over with the rest of the boys, Sanji doesn't twirl and spin as much for the ladies, and although his cooking is still immaculate, everyone can tell that he's distracted.

Chopper even whispers about how frustrated Zoro is now that Sanji doesn't rise to the bait of a deadly sparring match.

So you end up alone with Sanji one evening. The crew's antics somehow lost the pre-planned date dinner, but Sanji doesn't mind whipping up something simple and quick for your refined plate. You laugh, it's a sound he misses, and you can't deny that you miss sharing food with him as well.

He makes the crew's meals every day, yes, but something like this is different, it's intimate.

Over the course of preparing dinner, and having it, you slowly let your thoughts unravel, bare your vulnerabilities to him and Sanji, in turn, in equal measures relieved as he aches for not being someone you felt that you could come to air these grievances, embraces you.

He fills your head with every thought he's had about you since this rift had formed, maybe leaving the... less, chivalrous ones for later, but more than anything Sanji wants you to know you are loved. By him and everyone who shares a space with you on this ship.

Heart full of love, you kiss your swirly cook to sleep.

[tenaciousarcadeexpert]

list of young actresses of color who deserve to have more recognition and opportunities as actors like Florence Pugh, Anya Taylor-Joy, Kathryn Newton, Millie Bobby Brown etc. It would be refreshing to see more of these talented and underrated actresses of color

*Note, the list consists of actors born within the mid 90s-2000s. This might not be a complete list so whoever sees this is welcome to add more actors that I missed. I might update this post from time to time

This list has gotten so long that I have to make a separate one for male actors of color

Rachel Zegler-(she deserved way better than the hate over snow white)

Lana Condor-(aside from x-men apocalypse and the to all the boys trilogy, she hasn't done much blockbusters compared to Noah, despite her being the lead in the latter films)

Dominique Thorne-(She has her Ironheart and deserves more opportunities, both in the mcu and outside)

Halle Bailey

Maitreyi Ramakrishnan

Lola Tung-(same example with Lana, pretty jarring how her male co-stars are getting work beyond the summer i turned pretty and yet there's nothing from Lola)

Ashley Liao

Megan Suri-(another cast member from Never Have I Ever who also deserves all the opportunites)

Joy Sunday-(Bianca from Wednesday, deserves as much love as Emma Myers)

Iman Vellani-(Ms Marvel/Kamala Khan herself, deserves to have a thriving career and be as big like Tom Holland)

Ayo Edebiri-(2023 was a big year for her, hopefully it continues and she's not overlooked or overshadowed by her white co-stars in The Bear)

Savannah Smith-(Carried the gossip girl reboot, she deserves to have as much recognition as Leighton and Blake did after the original Gossip Girl series)

Madison Reyes-(Julie and the Phantoms deserved better than to be cancelled after one season and with a cliffhanger. Let her star in a musical and or disney film)

Simone Ashley-(One of the main leads in Bridgerton yet Phoebe and Nicola have more upcoming projects than her in Hollywood)

Charithra Chandran

Arsema Thomas

India Amarteifio

Madeleine Madden-(Carried season 2 of The Wheel of Time and if you watched the whole season, you'll understand why)

Moses Ingram-(Did not deserve the hate over the Obi Wan Kenobi series)

Minnie Mills-(She deserved to appear in season 2 of The Summer I Turned Pretty)

Amrit Kaur

Alyah Chanelle Scott-(it's frustrating that both the main leading ladies of color are overshadowed by Renee Rapp and Pauline, who's related to Timothy)

Letitia Wright-(Pretty jarring how she's been in plenty of mcu projects yet it's easy to count the number of roles she's been in outside the mcu, and has been acting since 2011, longer than Florence Pugh, Anya Taylor Joy and Millie Bobby Brown. Wright has even acted as long as Sophie Turner and Maisie Williams and they've been in more projects than her)

Yasmin Finney-(She's done both Heartstopper and Doctor Who)

Imani Lewis-(First Kill deserved better than being cancelled after one season. Let her do more horror and supernatural themed

Leah Jeffries-(Deserves all the support especially once the Percy Jackson series comes out)

Auli'i Cravahlo

Erin Kellyman-(After the Han Solo film, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier and Willow, let her appear in more sci-fi and action blockbusters)

Sadly, tumblr has a 30 limit on adding gifs. I definitely missed so many on the list. Anyone is welcome to add more to the list. All of these talented actresses deserve all the love, appreciation and more opportunities and roles

I might do a part 2 which will include male actors

[yumeka-sxf]

There were two panels related to Spy x Family at Anime Expo this year, with the first on Day 1 being Toho Animation's panel featuring both Spy x Family and Kaiju No.8.

The panel started with the SxF portion, with the special guests being the series director, Kazuhiro Furuhashi, and the CODE: White director, Takashi Katagiri. They also had the six SxF ThreeZero figures on the stage with them 😀

The MC asked them some questions, like what their favorite scenes were from their respective works and who their favorite character is. They also showed behind-the-scenes footage of both the Loid/Fiona tennis match in season 1, and Yor's fight scene against Type F in the movie. We got to see both of these scenes in rough animatic sketch form and then in line art form, which was pretty cool (it wasn't clear if photo/video was prohibited at this panel, but I didn't want to risk it by being caught blatantly recording these exclusive clips, lol). Then they showed off some of Anya's unused outfits from the movie.

At the end, they showed this original illustration by Kyoji Asano, made specifically for this event 😁

And that was it for the SxF part of the panel before they moved on to Kaiju No.8...and to be honest, it kinda overshadowed the SxF part, mostly because it featured two of the main Kaiju No.8 voice actors, one of which was extremely hilarious and charismatic. Plus there were a lot more segments compared to the SxF part. The interview with the guests seemed longer, they did three live voice overs, showed a pre-recorded special message from the band that performs the Kaiju No.8 opening, and then they took a group photo with the audience (and maybe something else that I'm forgetting). It seemed like the SxF part took up about 35% of the panel's time while Kaiju No.8 took up 65%. Not sure why it felt so unbalanced, but it was still fun.

Next was the panel on Day 3 for Production IG and their related studios WIT and Signal MD. Heads of each studio were there, including George Wada from WIT. Photo/video wasn't allowed once the panel started, but it basically consisted of an interview with the different guests, then trailers/teasers for their upcoming projects, then a Q&A session.

WIT is the studio that makes SxF, so I was hoping for any news about season 3, specifically if WIT would be more involved with it than they were with season 2. For those who don't know, season 1 of SxF was made by both WIT Studio and Cloverworks. But when they decided to make both season 2 and the movie in 2023, they split up the work, with WIT focusing on the movie while Cloverworks did pretty much all the work on season 2 (which is why the animation in season 1 and season 2 looks a bit different). According to this tweet, the official staff listing for season 3 is the same as season 2, meaning WIT will once again have little involvement. But despite this, they had a slide during the presentation with the season 3 promo image (preceded by the CODE: White teaser trailer, which made the crowd go wild - glad there were lots of SxF fans in the audience!) George Wada also said in regards to season 3 that they're "working hard on it."

I wanted to confirm during the Q&A if WIT would again take a backseat during season 3's production as well, but unfortunately the panel only had a few minutes left when it was close to my turn, and then they opted to pick a few random people in line for their last questions (which I thought was kind of unfair). Guess we'll just have to wait and see if anything changes with that staff listing once we get closer to season 3's release.

Overall, while Takuya Eguchi's appearance at last year's AX was more fun, it was still cool to attend this year's SxF-related panels as well. Hopefully season 3 will either be airing or close to being released at next year's AX, so we'll have even more SxF events!

[inquisimer]

dragon age oneshot fic recs

@dreadfutures said that we should do more fic recs and she's absolutely right, so I'm starting what will hopefully be a series of fic rec lists, leading off with some oneshot recs! These are just standalone stories that don't require a big time commitment and definitely stuck with me after I read them.

Check them out! and leave a comment or kudos to let the author know you did 💜

Feel free to reblog this post and add your own oneshot fic recs! Or make your own fic rec post and tag me in it so I can read and promote your awesome recs :3

-

My Lover's Phylactery by FrodaB

Cullen Rutherford/Female Inquisitor | G | 1472 words | No Archive Warnings Apply Author's Summary: She doesn't destory it Mer's Rec: this is an excellent piece that fills the gap DAI left (imho) about Trevelyan's phylactery! There's some excellent introspection from the Inquisitor and a bittersweet but somft and heartfelt ending between Cullen and his love.

Bent, Not Broken by spirrum (@spirrum)

Fenris/Female Hawke | G | 1595 words | No Archive Warnings Apply Author's Summary: In which Hawke doesn't run off to Weisshaupt, and an angry elf turns up at the Inquisition's door. Mer's Rec: this is a little slice of interpersonal relationships that beautifully captures Hawke's spirit! It starts with some platonic Hawke & Varric, perfectly encapsulating the exhaustion both of them feel after HLTA, and transitions smoothly into the heart-tugging reunion between Hawke and a frustrated Fenris who's very much in love.

last man standing (perhaps) by havvke (Wintertree)

Charade Amell & Carver Hawke & Female Hawke | T | 6749 words | No Archive Warnings Apply Author's Summary: Hawke’s teeth glinted when she grinned, except for the gap of her missing left dogtooth. Funny how they did that, even in such poor lighting. Glinting. Hawke barely seemed real. They’ve gone on a mission or two together since that initial, embarrassingly disastrous meeting, and it was still shocking that the woman lived up—if not surpassed—her nearly legendary status. Compared to the other missions Charade led with the Jennies, this was somewhat easier than her normal fare. But while Hawke was a known figure, and by technicality kin, Charade still didn’t know her. Mer's Rec: Okay, I'm admittedly biased toward this piece, because it was a gift for me as part of the 2023 Platonic Ideal Exchange. That being said, it is an INCREDIBLE work of sibling dynamics and I think of it whenever I think about Charade Amell. Havvke explores the relationship between Charade as a Red Jenny, Carver as a Grey Warden, and Hawke as...Hawke, in a beautiful web of complicated choices and found family. Over a year later, it still holds up as one of the best exchange gifts I've ever received.

Doggone by leggywillow (@leggywillow)

Alistair/Female Warden, Alistair & Anora Mac Tir, Alistair & Warden's Mabari | T | 3042 words | No Archive Warnings Apply Author's Summary: Alistair and the Warden are no longer together, but they still exchange letters - through Dog. Alistair struggles to find happiness in his life as king, but he isn't entirely alone. Mer's Rec: I read this one just recently and oh my GOODNESS it both made me laugh and also pulled at my heartstrings. Leggy alters the canon breakup between a King Alistair & the Warden to be somehow even more heartbreaking and the way that he talks to Dog is just so essentially Alistair, I could hear every line in his voice. Add to that several well done bits between Alistair & Anora and this piece absolutely delivers on the "sad" and "heartache" in the additional tags.

That Word You Call Me by thewitchofthewilds (gossamerstarsxx) (@saiyanshewolf)

Female Lavellan/Cullen Rutherford | T | 1768 words | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Author's Summary: The first time she tells him she loves him is the time he needs to hear it the most Mer's Rec: I love this piece for the intermingling of angst and fluff between Lavellan and Cullen. It leads in with one of the better descriptions of nightmare panic that I've seen and the way that Lavellan grounds Cullen from it is smooth and heartfelt, as is his reaction to her comfort. It caps off with some sweet fluff and a taste of human/elf relationships dynamics, for which I am a sucker, and which end the fic on soft, heartfelt note.

[yuyu-writes]

sweet (just like you) [18+]

[ kinktober 2023 ] day 5 - freebie

⟡ haikyuu!! -- matsukawa issei x reader

⟡ wc: 8,170

⟡ working from @/darling--core's kinktober list! NSFW, 18+ only!

⟡ summary:

Who would have thought, Matsukawa Issei, your best friend's best friend, is a demon?

Obviously, not you. But it works out in your favor, even if you're a demon hunter.

Archive of Our Own

It’s a school night, so you should probably head home soon.

It’s a passing thought as you wipe your cheek, rubbing away the black sludge on your skirt. The stench of blood and ash fills your nose as you watch the minor demon melt. It’s shrieking, writhing in pain as your exorcism spell reaches its end.

Its inky tendril reaches for you, but you don’t even flinch, watching it dissolve into the air with a final cry.

A sigh escapes your lips, and you finally relax your shoulders.

The demons around Miyagi have been more active as of late, and it’s taken a toll on you. You’ve been taking longer patrols after school, which means you stay up later into the night to complete your homework before sleeping a restless sleep and repeating the cycle. You could probably count the number of hours you’ve slept on average with one hand, yikes.

You’re tired, to be frank. Thankfully, most of them are lower levels, but they’re a force to be reckoned with when they have power in numbers, and you only have so much energy to take care of a large area on your own. 

It’s not like you voluntarily chose to hunt demons. But it wasn’t something you could walk away from. Ever since you began seeing them as a child, you soon found yourself under the local priest’s training, mastering basic exorcism techniques and continuing to practice advanced ones that even the priest struggled to use.

No one else saw what you saw, only becoming a victim to them when they sapped human energy to gain more power. You’re not too sure how they’ve come into the human world, but the priest theorizes it’s some sort of rift that has let them cross the barrier. Closing the rift is a whole different story, and even you’re stumped for ideas, so you do what you can in the meantime.

If you could make someone’s life easier, unburdened and no longer haunted, you would.

It was a thankless duty, but a duty regardless.

You head home for the day, dreading the upcoming exams and the pile of homework that sits in your backpack, completely blank.

“Oh, [Name]!” 

The call of your name has you jolting awake at your desk, quickly blinking away the sleep as you look up. “Hiro? What’s up?”

The clay-haired boy enters your classroom, making his way to your desk and sitting in the one in front of yours. For the most part, everyone went off to eat lunch outside since the weather has gotten warmer, which lets you ditch the thick winter uniform for the short sleeve button-up and skirt.

“You said you’d meet me and the other guys for lunch, but you never showed up. And now I find you dozing off– you good?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you wave off, rubbing your eyes. “Been sleeping late the past few nights, but I’m going to try to fix up my sleep schedule this weekend, hopefully.”

Hanamaki eyes you suspiciously, and you stare at him with the same intensity. As childhood friends, you can read him just as easily as he can read you. It’s not often you wear yourself out to the point it's noticeable, but it just can’t be helped and like the workaholic you are, you can always blame it on upcoming college entrance exams.

He gives in with a sigh when he realizes you aren’t faltering, and he shrugs. “Just don’t push yourself too hard,” he says, gently. “You work hard enough as is, and I think you deserve a break with how much you’ve been doing.”

You smile, because you know how much he cares, and you know that he still respects your drive and your own judgment. This also makes you extra careful around Hiro, who would absolutely freak out if he knew you were out hunting demons. 

“Yeah. You too, with volleyball. I don’t think your friends would appreciate having two volleyball-obsessed players.”

“Ha! Like I’d ever reach Oikawa’s level of obsession.”

You banter with him a little, your exhaustion melting away as you chat with your best friend before he suddenly stops mid-sentence with a noise of realization.

“Wait! You haven’t eaten anything, right? Since you were sleeping?” he asks, and when you nod, he stands up quickly, ignoring the way he trips over the chair slightly and grabs your wrist.

“Let’s grab something from the cafeteria before it closes! We can probably make it!”

And you run with him down the halls, dodging friend groups and teachers who yell at the two of you to behave. 

And for the first time in a while, you smile brightly, enjoying this moment of normalcy.

While you absolutely love Hiro, you find yourself unsettled ever so slightly with his friends.

Not Iwaizumi, since he’s rather respectful and polite, and not Oikawa, since he’s just a flirt whenever you’re around.

But Matsukawa Issei is another story. He is…dangerous, for a lack of a better word.

You find yourself nibbling on a curry bun that Hiro managed to buy from the cafeteria right before they closed. With about fifteen minutes left of lunch, you take him up on his previous offer to eat with his friends, sitting on top of the school rooftop with the four boys as they finish up their lunches.

When you greet them, you can’t help but avoid Matsukawa’s heavy stare. There was something oddly familiar and unsettling about it…something you couldn’t quite put your finger on, and you opted to blame it on the unfamiliarity, or the fact that he’s one of Hanamaki’s closer friends after entering high school.

The idea that Matsukawa stole Hanamaki from you doesn’t sit well in your gut and you chastise yourself for even having that thought. Maybe he thinks the same thing, hence the strange feeling you get whenever you are near him. 

You push it to the back of your mind, and do your best to ignore him as lunch comes to an end, heading back to class. It’s uneventful, as always, learning new concepts and putting them to use on your worksheets and later, for exams. It’s mundane, but you enjoy it, since it’s not like you’re actively putting yourself in danger as you normally do.

As soon as the last class ends with the ring of the bell, you briefly replay Hanamaki’s concerned words, before you shake your head.

You’re better than that, you could keep hunting, keep helping , even just a little. It’s a responsibility that you’ve chosen to handle, and you can’t slack off just because you’re a little tired .

It’s ok, you reason with yourself as you pack up your notes. Just a short patrol, and you’ll take time to rest today. 

It’s unfortunate that your plans always seem to get foiled, and you eat your words. Literally.

A blast sends you flying, and you think you hit your head against the lightpost before absolutely eating shit on the sidewalk. The demons laughs, it’s screeching noise grates your ears, slightly disorienting you as you struggle to get up. You’re unsteady on your feet and while you’re fully aware of how hard you’re pushing yourself, you can’t just go home, not when the demon presence in this area is just so high. 

It wasn’t this bad before. Their numbers keep rising, and your efforts barely make a dent in their forces. It’s a harrowing thought that makes you falter for a moment, but you grit your teeth and steel yourself once more. Summoning another talisman,  you launch it at the demon, watching the paper attach themselves to its body, burning through the inky black as it disintegrates. Your limbs tremble, and you ignore the numbness in your legs.

You let out a shaky exhale, but you remain on alert. The air is saturated with despair and evil, and it makes your chest tight.

You’re so, so tired.

Just one more sector. Just a little more and you can end your patrol and go home and get rest.

Just one more–

Thump!

Huh?

Pain sprouts at the temple of your head. You’re staring across the asphalt of the alleyway, the faint silhouettes of demons growing larger–coming closer to you from the street.

Get up, get up!

Yet no matter how much you willed your body to, you lay crumpled, defeated, and tired.

A wave of cold dread washes over you and you close your eyes tight. 

I’m sorry, I’m sorry Hiro, I’m–

High-pitched shrills fill the air, and your eyes fly open, immediately lifting your head to see –

“Makki kept telling me he was worried about how tired you looked. Guess this explains why, huh?”

Matsukawa is standing protectively in front of you, but your eyes land on the black, ridged horns that protrude from his messy hair, curling slightly at the tip and alarms blare in your mind.

Matsukawa Issei is a demon.

And you have to kill him.

The thought crosses your mind briefly, but then you look past him, watching as his splayed hand emits another burst of energy that disintegrates the demons at the mouth of the alleyway. They are the ones screaming in pain, they are the ones to die in front of your eyes. Not you.

“Why…” you mumble, because what was this demon doing, attacking his own kind to protect you?

Without a response, he finishes off the last of the small demons who have attempted to escape around the corner, and silence falls over the two of you. 

Shit, maybe he’s going to kill you next. Maybe he’s just so cruel to take the kill of a demon hunter all to himself. Without a doubt, he was not some weak troublesome demon–no, he was much, much stronger than those you normally deal with.

He would enjoy watching you die, watching the life leave your eyes in amusement.

You close your eyes tight, trying your best to get up, trying your best to come to terms that you are going to die at the hands of a demon (your best friend's best friend, nonetheless) as you listen to his footsteps grow closer and closer. They stop, and you know he’s standing over you, probably reveling in the sight of your weak, crumpled body. 

You brace yourself once more, expecting pain to erupt and bring you to the edge of death.

“Can you stand?” You open your eyes, confusion filling your head. He’s crouched down, hand hovering over your face. The chilling smile of death that you envisioned is erased as you see his eyebrows furrowed as he scans your figure for injuries.

His eyes have a red tint to them that makes you freeze for a moment. He knows fear when he sees it, and he sees it clearly in you as he meets your gaze.

“Y-Yeah. I think so,” you say slowly, shifting to rise. His hands hover over you still as you get to your feet, wobbly, and standing for just a moment before your knees buckle from under you. Matsukawa is quick, arms encircling your frame and catching you before you can hit the ground again. He sits you down against the cold wall, maneuvering you, careful to lean your head back with his hand.

“You’re bleeding a bit,” he points to his forehead, and you swipe at your own, grimacing at the blood. “But you aren’t hurt anywhere else. I’m glad.”

“Glad?” you parrot in disbelief. “You’re glad that I, a demon hunter, am not hurt?”

Matsukawa blinks, before he laughs, soft chuckles escape him and you watch him incredulously because why does he think this is funny? “Yeah, I’m glad,” he says, smiling. “Since you’re the one keepin’ most of them at bay. I try to get rid of ones near the school area, but I usually don’t go any farther out than that.”

“What do you mean you get rid of them?”

He contemplates for a moment, eyeing the entrance of the alley before his eyes flicker back to you. “Maybe we should get out of here and have a chat, hm?”

Never in your life did you expect to find yourself in a demon’s home.

And never in your life did you expect that a demon’s home would be a cozy little apartment nestled in the residential district just ten minutes away from your high school.

To be fair, your life is anything but normal, so maybe this falls into the realm of likely possibilities.

That sucks, you suddenly think, because that means there are more things you simply don’t know about–which isn’t new, but it’s never a good thought to dwell on.

You keep your distance as he leads you back to his place. He lives on his own, having forged fake identities for his “parents” and keeping up the guise that they’re busy with work in Tokyo or abroad. It makes sense, but you’re filled with questions to the brim. 

With the main one being, “why?”

He’s back to the human Matsukawa you’ve known for years, the one without horns and red-tinted eyes. 

As he unlocks the door, you hesitate for a moment, suddenly imagining scenarios where you’re being led into a demon’s dungeon, that you’d be tortured and your soul would be offered up to the demon king or whatever higher level demon exists and–

“Are you just going to stand there?”

His deep voice brings you out of your stupor, and you’re embarrassed, gaping at him for his casual response–as if he’s just bringing a friend over to hang out. With a stutter of “no,” you enter, wary of your surroundings.

It’s plain, for the most part. Blank walls with minimal furniture fill the home, and everything is relatively cleaned up as you enter deeper. Matsukawa heads to the kitchen as you walk into the living room that has an untouched loveseat in front of a small TV.

“Tea? Or do you want some water?”

“Water is ok,” you answer him, and you take a seat gingerly, setting your bag down and suddenly feeling awkward.

He brings you a glass, and you thank him quietly, staring at it to see if there was anything amiss in your drink. 

“It’s water,” Matsukawa deadpans at the sight of your intense stare. “I didn’t do anything to it, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’ll get the first aid kit though, and we can clean up your head before we start talking.”

Watching him disappear to what you presume is the bathroom, you look back at the glass of water before taking a sip, which turns into two, and then two more gulps to finish it off.

As you set down the glass, you see Matsukawa return with a small kit and wet cloth, taking a seat next to you before cleaning up your wound. You bite your lip at the stinging sensation, staying still as he finishes up with a bandaid. 

His hand is warm against your forehead, and you try not to let your mind linger on that fact.

“So, where should we start?” you ask, watching him pack up the kit and setting it on the coffee table. He hums, leaning back and throwing an arm over the back of the couch. 

“I can start,” he proposes. “I’m a demon, as you already guessed. Was born, if you could call it that, about the same time you were probably born. I never really liked the idea of stealing human energy solely to grow powerful, so I aged slower and stayed under the radar to avoid getting killed by hunters.”

“And how’d you do that?” you ask, because you have to admit, he did a great job hiding his presence the past three years you’ve known him.

Something was always off about him, ever since the day you met him in your first year, where Hanamaki excitedly introduced you to his new teammates.

“Oh, I’m an incubus,” he says offhandedly. “Most of our kind usually don’t stand out in the first place, and it’s much easier for us to mask our scent and blend in with humans.”

“An…incubus? As in, the demons that…” you trail off, realization hitting you like a truck and it hits harder when you see Matsukawa smile.

“C’mon, you can finish that sentence, you’re a big girl,” Matsukawa teases, and you feel heat rise to your cheeks.

“You gain energy from sex.”

“Bingo.”

It takes your mind a moment to process and remember what you’ve learned about incubi. You haven’t encountered one before, to be honest, and you recall that they, as well as succubi, were the rarer types of demons to exist. 

Most demons didn’t have a developed sense of consciousness, merely driven by their hunger for more energy, to gain more power with no other purpose. 

You’re piecing things together because, yes, it makes sense now how he is so human despite being a demon, how he can retain a human form and not a monstrous blob, and–

“Wait a minute–then, who have you been having sex with–” you shut up the moment the question tumbles out, and Matsukawa laughs again, a deep, hearty laugh that leaves you absolutely humiliated.

“Wow, asking about my sex life already?”

A slap to his arm gets another laugh out of him. You have no doubt he’s enjoying teasing you.

“But, really. It was me and Makki, for a bit,” he says earnestly, and you let out a noise of surprise, but he doesn’t stop there. “No, we didn’t fuck or anything, before you jump to conclusions. We made out and stuff. But lately he’s been talking to that one girl in class 3-B, so we called it off–just a few days ago, actually.”

You feel a headache coming on.

First off, you’re definitely going to Makki and probing him about whatever fling he had with Matsukawa because how dare he not tell you about it. 

Second–

“How are you still so powerful if you’ve been just living off…what you have–no, had with Hiro? What are you going to do now?”

“Well, that’s the thing, little hunter,” he mumbles, leaning back. “I used most of my energy on getting rid of those demons earlier, so I’m exhausted.”

You take a moment to mull over his words, and that’s when you realize how there are dark circles beneath his eyes, which was definitely not there before when he first helped you up.

“And it’s not like I’m going to go out and just go to anyone,” he continues after a moment. “I just want to live my life as normal as I can. ”

Whatever unsettled feeling you had in your stomach before is replaced by guilt. You’ve never…communicated with a demon before, and never did you think that they’d have such honest emotions and desires to be human. 

“You really don’t want to harm anyone?”

“No,” Matsukawa responds, seriously. “I want to keep all of them safe: Makki, Iwaizumi, Oikawa, all of them.”

“You’re a traitor to your own kind.”

“And I’ll continue being one, if it means I can live as normal as I can.”

You stare at him, looking at his hooded, dark eyes to see if there is any hint of deceit. As suspicious as you were of him, you can’t help but believe him. And what would that do, killing a demon who just wanted a normal life, a demon who was also a dear friend to many?

Hiro would be devastated.

“I’m sorry,” you begin, and Matsukawa’s eyes widen, not at all expecting the apology. “All this time, I thought demons were…evil. But if you’re being honest, then who am I to kill you when you’re just trying to live a normal life?”

“Well, I’m glad that we’ve come to a truce,” Matsukawa says. “Thank you. Didn’t think all you hunters were fine with us, but I really do appreciate that you’re letting me live–I have no doubt you could kill me, even now.”

That makes the both of you chuckle, but soon after, a tired sigh escapes Matsukawa, and you see him close his eyes, and you’re suddenly reminded that he exhausted most of his energy saving your ass. 

Perhaps it was obligation, perhaps it was curiosity, but–

Something burns inside you.

The words escape your lips before you can reel them back in, and you’re instantly mortified right as they leave your lips.

“If you need energy, then why not with me?”

You're staring at your hands that are folded on your lap, your entire form tense as you realize what exactly you just offered to him. Silence follows. No laughter, no rejection, no movement.

“Of course, you don’t have to agree–”

“You sure?”

Raising your head to meet his gaze, you’re frozen by the hungry look that he has in his eyes, darkened with an unfamiliar feeling that makes you shiver. You think you see red flash in his eyes.

“I…I owe you for saving me today,” you force out. “And if this helps you maintain your power, then we can maybe… work together to keep everyone safe.”

“I’m asking you again, are you sure?” he says, voice low, making a shiver crawl up your spine as he pushes himself up with his elbow, leaning closer to you.

“I’m sure,” you confirm, swallowing down any hesitation as you face him directly.

He surveys you, closing his eyes and chuckling a bit before he grins, amused.

“Thank you for the meal, little hunter.”

In an instant, he’s next to you, his breath ghosting over your ear, and you jolt in shock and at the sudden heat that runs through your veins. He’s leaning over you, trapping you with his arms and you gulp nervously, letting out a soft noise as his tongue trails along the curve of your ear before he moves further down, licking a stripe up your neck.

“You know, I always thought you were cute,” he mumbles into your skin. “I was surprised when Makki wasn’t into you, but that’s fine, it worked out perfectly in the end.”

His lips latch on, sucking gently, and you moan softly at the foreign touch, absolutely embarrassed at the way he easily makes you melt.

In the midst of warmth, you vaguely feel his large hands trail down your body, before they grasp at your hips and—

“There we go,” Matsukawa praises as he flips you so you’re straddling his lap, your crotch right over his—

“I’ve never done this before,” you blurt out in nervousness, because you most definitely feel his growing bulge through the thin layer of your own underwear. 

“That’s ok. We don’t have to go that far,” Matsukawa answers instantly, calming your nerves just a little. “I can get energy from giving, too. Not just receiving.”

One of his hands finds its place on the back of your head, tangling with your hair as he looks up at you, wanting, hungry.

“May I?”

A small nod is all you can muster.

“Tell me properly, little hunter,” he whispers, and you feel a hot flush crawl up your neck.

“Yes, I… kiss me, please,” you mumble out quietly, looking away, and he chuckles.

“As you wish.”

The hand behind your head presses down softly, leading you so your lips are just mere centimeters away from his before he closes that distance.

Soft.

His lips are so soft against yours, his warmth enveloping yours and you hold your breath, clumsy, unfamiliar with this dance. If he notices your inexperience, he makes no comment on it, looking up at you with hooded eyes and licking his lips as he leans back.

“Not so bad, right?”

An affirmative hum escapes you as a pleasant feeling tingles along your skin and further down, and the feelings of embarrassment fade away, replaced with your desires for more.

When you open your eyes, you immediately find yourself looking back at red ones, and you watch as his horns appear from the curls of his  hair once more. Upon closer look, they're sleek black, equal ridges traveling up to the very tip that curls slightly. 

His lips curve into a smirk that makes you feel smaller, but another part of you wants to wipe that smug look off his face so you lean back in, crashing your lips onto his with a sudden feeling of confidence that surges through you.

You jolt from the sudden feeling of his tongue as it teases your own, and you have to prevent every ounce of your demon hunter instincts from biting it as he explores your mouth.

You focus on Matsukawa, his lips, his hair under your fingers, his hands on your waist, his bulge pressing up against your wet sex.

Fuck , his tongue swipes against yours and you falter, leaning forward when he backs away, a satisfied quirk of the lips. His hand trails to cup your cheek, dipping his thumb into your open, waiting mouth, and you swirl your tongue around.

“Ah, I forgot to mention my spit has some…aphrodisiac properties. But you seem to be enjoying it.”

Your head is fuzzy, eyes glazed as a string of saliva connects you with his thumb as he pulls it away from your mouth. You’re too gone to care about your pride, and the pleasant buzz you feel blurs all your morals.

You don’t even realize that you’re moving your hips, grinding against his growing bulge that makes you nervous and…

Excited.

Something flares inside your chest at the realization.

You don’t know how long it lasts, your tongue dancing with his, hands roaming, exploring everything he had to offer you and you for him. It’s dark by the time he finally pulls away, gently tugging you off his lap as a string of saliva connects your lips to his.

“Thank you,” he says your name, making you whimper, leaning forward to chase after his lips. “You’ve done more than enough for me today. I look forward to working with you, little hunter.”

He licks his lips, and with the little reasoning left in your head, you can’t help but realize how you’re absolutely under his spell.

–

The next few days are strange.

Strange in that, you notice Matsukawa more than usual. On occasion, you would see him with Hanamaki as he greets you when lunch period starts, or when he gets out of volleyball practice with everyone. 

Although, something changes after that particular day and you see him in passing as you eat lunch with your classmates, when you head to the restroom, or even when you take some papers to the teacher’s office. He’s just always somewhere in your peripheral vision, intentional or not, as if watching over you from a distance.

Hell, you make eye contact with him where he’s seated out in the courtyard with the other boys and you just so happen to look outside for a brief moment while you’re on cleaning duty.

When he smirks up at you with a wink, you feel warmth spread across your cheeks, suddenly reminded of…

All the events of that day rewind in your head within the span of ten seconds and you grip your broom tighter.

That fucking demon.

Your classmates ask what has you so flustered and you can only sigh and rub at your cheeks, hoping to wipe away the brightening red.

You hope they don’t notice how you squeeze your thighs together ever so slightly.

It doesn’t help that as the next few weeks go by, even your childhood friend notices your not-so-subtle change, and unfiltered as he is, he immediately jumps on it.

“So, you and Mattsun, huh?”

“What?”

You raise an eyebrow at his suggestive tone, and he takes it as a sign to continue, waving around his milk carton.

“Don’t pretend– you and him have been talking more, out of the blue too! And he’s not very discrete, I saw him looking at you a few times,” he mock-whispers to you. “Did something happen? Should I be happy? Or maybe even worried?”

“Neither,” you grumble, because Hanamaki most definitely misunderstands the entire situation but you can’t exactly clear it up. “We just started talking ever since we bumped into each other a few days ago. There’s nothing more.”

“Hm.” He’s looking at you with his usual stare, and you don’t even look up from the worksheet. “If you say so. I’m glad you guys are getting along better.”

You look up to meet Hanamaki’s gaze, but from the corner of your eye, you see Matsukawa chatting with some other students in the hallway, locking eyes with you before sending you a knowing smile.

Getting along is one way to put it, that’s for sure.

Just a few hours after that conversation with Hiro, you find yourself pushed up against the wall of the boy’s volleyball club room, moaning softly as he peppers open-mouthed kisses down your neck and grinds his thigh up against your sex.

“Ah–Don’t you dare leave any marks,” you gasp, shamelessly moving your hips for more friction against him.

“Or else what?”

His teasing voice has you throwing your head back, and the trails of his saliva burn deliciously along your neck. Matsukawa’s hands trail up your waist before they cup your tits, squeezing playfully.

You have no retort for him, opting to quiet down – practice is soon, and he has dragged you into the lesser-used clubroom to “recharge.” There’s a chance that anyone from the team could come in, knowing your terrible luck, and the thought makes you both humiliated and excited, to your horror.

 “Just a little more,” he mumbles into your skin, and you’re lost in his dance, brain turning to mush as heat overwhelms you. You’re half frustrated as Mattsun refuses to go any further, edging you on and bringing you so close to your peak before pulling away.

He lets you go, letting you stand on your feet before leading you towards one of the plastic chairs, sitting, before tugging on your waist so you sit in his lap, back against his chest.

“What are you—”

“Shh, not too loud,” he whispers, licking at the shell of your ear before nibbling at it, as his hands unbutton your blouse. You don’t even stop him, grasping at his forearms as you feel the fabric of your shirt pull away.

“Open your eyes.”

You don’t even realize you have closed them. You crack open your eyes, as he commands, and you see yourself through the full-length mirror that’s hung near the empty lockers. Your blouse is opened, revealing your bra, and one of his hands is lifting up your skirt, legs spread and revealing the soaked patch through your panties as they rub against his bulge.

“Such a cute little slut, don’t you think?” 

Locking your eyes with his through the reflection, you turn red at the sight of his smirk, and when his tongue darts out to lick the shell of your ear, you throw your head further back, shivering under his touch. A hand travels up your torso, and you squirm at the ticklish feeling, before letting out a choked moan as soon as he cups one of your tits, squeezing playfully, before pushing your bra up with his hand. His finger teases your nipple, pinching it gently and eliciting more muffled moans out of your pretty lips.

His hips grind up to match your own movements, and he hums, his hand on your hip trailing down to your clothed sex, rubbing small circles at your clit. It makes your hips jolt, shaking as they try to match his pace and he lets out a chuckle against your ear.

“Wait–I’m–”

“Go ahead, cum.” His low whisper tips you over the edge, heat bursting in your gut as you cum against his fingers. The fuzz of your orgasm fills your brain and you’re boneless against Mattsun, who lifts his fingers to his mouth, and you hear him suck on them.

He sits you down on one of the chairs before he fixes his uniform, and you’re sitting there, dazed, the scent of Matsukawa lingering in your nose, his taste still upon your tongue.

More, more, more.

Matsukawa looks back at you, a satisfied smile on his lips.

“Practice is starting so you won’t have to worry about anyone coming in anytime soon. I’ll meet you after?”

You hum, not trusting your words to come out. He grins, leaning down to peck your lips one last time.

“Good girl.”

A promise is a promise, but you don’t know how you can keep going with his teases. 

That fucking demon.

–

For the most part, the doubled power makes your patrols much easier, and you feel better about going out without pushing yourself to the edge. Matsukawa’s powers aren’t the strongest, objectively speaking, but the extra hand and cooperation makes your strength combined something to fear. The areas that you’ve left to simmer and grow are much more maintained, and you’re able to make good progress that even the priest comments on when you visit him occasionally.

Of course, you don’t tell him about your partnership. You’re not sure if it would be received well, and you’re not willing to take that leap.

It continues like this for awhile, and you can finally catch up on sleep, even getting a thumbs-up of approval from Hanamaki when he sees you more lively than usual.

But…

There’s something darker in the air today. 

It had been a few weeks since you’d nearly met your end. Most areas have lightened up in terms of activity, but for some reason, you feel a chill in your bones that makes you uneasy all day. Matsukawa must have also felt it, glancing at you with worry in his brow.

It’s overcast, and you smell the incoming rain as you tug on your coat, pulling the hood over your eyes as you walk past some high schoolers heading home. Matsukawa is unbothered, merely looking over and nodding to them as they pass.

Practice was canceled a little earlier than usual, so you decided to take an alternate route that goes a bit further from your usual patrol while it was still evening. Rain begins to fall, splattering on the pavement at your feet, and you sigh annoyed. Mattsun breathes out of his nose, a soft exhale as he looks up to the sky. Suddenly–

He stops, whirling around to face the end of the street you two are crossing.

“Get ready.”

“What?”

Your question is answered too soon.

Something crashes, and you jump in surprise, losing your balance as the ground trembles beneath you. Matsukawa catches you, holding you steady, eyes glued to the particles that center together at the end of the street, forming together into a dark blob and taking shape.

It’s downright ugly and terrifying, exuding such malice and rage that has you stepping back. The demons you’ve dealt with before are absolute small fry compared to his massive size and aura. 

“What is that?” you shout over its screeching and Matsukawa grimaces.

“A goliath,” he says, a little too calm in your opinion. “Said to be servants of the underworld, or something. I think they consume other small demons, just for energy.”

It roars, a large arm protruding from its back and you recoil in disgust. It is, by far, the largest demon you’ve encountered up until now, and you have no doubt it’s the strongest.

“Ok, well, what the hell is it doing here?” you yell at Matsukawa, who jumps back at the sudden tremor it emits.

“No idea!” he shouts back at you. “Be careful!”

There’s not much room for you and Matsukawa to fight–the street is narrow, and the beast in front of you nearly takes up the whole width. You keep your distance, making sure you’re not in its reach as you launch a few talismans toward it, maneuvering them so they cover its body. Matsukawa approaches it, launching his own attacks as he weaves between each swing of its ugly limbs.

It’s slower than you imagined, and you think as long as you keep your distance, it should be fine–

Dark static flicks off its skin before it explodes in an instant, shooting uncontrollably before it bursts wildly, covering the ground and traveling towards you.

“Watch out!”

You’re shoved to the ground, watching a strike pierce through Matsukawa, in midair as he jumps right where you were.

“Matsukawa”

You see him go down, blood splattering against the asphalt with a sickening sound as his body hits the pavement, hard. Anger fills you with red, and you cast most of your talismans towards the demon, binding it tightly with your power as it screams. It’s stunned for a moment, disoriented as it recovers, but you take the time to run towards Matsukawa, who’s struggling to get up onto his knees, blood dripping from his torso, washing away on the asphalt with the rain.

“Let’s get you out of the way,” you say hurriedly, throwing his arm over your shoulders and dragging him to an alleyway. “Don’t move, you’ll open your wound up.”

As soon as you set him down, the demon screeches, an ear-piercing sound that makes both of you falter. 

Demons aren’t perfect. They’ll die with enough damage, and you do so, dwindling down their health with continued attacks, moving constantly to avoid its electricity. 

Left, right, under–jump!

You can barely catch your breath as you dodge its movements, careful of where you end up. A screech erupts from its head, piercing your ears, and you take the moment to send more binding charms, tying its limbs together and buying you time .

It struggles, and just as you’re about to blast it with more of your attacks–

A large burst of energy shoots at him from behind you, slicing the goliath’s head off with a clean schuck!

It thuds to the ground, lifelessly, and you’re gasping for air, falling on your ass as it rolls just a few feet away from you.

Matsukawa is peeking around the corner of the alleyway, leaning against the wall as he sends out that last burst of power before he’s sliding down, falling against the brick wall. Without hesitation, you hurry over to him, nearly tripping over your own unsteady feet as you crouch beside him.

Blood spreads across his clothes, a pool of red that makes your hands shake because it’s just so much blood, demon or not. Your eyes flicker up to his, dull and unfocused as they glance up at you.

You tug up his shirt, trying hard to ignore him flinching out of pain to see a deep gash across his stomach, one that curled around his torso, and you have no doubt it probably pierced through him.

The first thing your mind goes to is—

You smash your lips on his.

You taste copper.

He yelps a little at the sudden force, and you cup his cold cheeks with your hands, kissing him deeply. 

There’s not an ounce of shame because you’re saving his goddamn life right now . He’s quick to respond, kissing back and groaning against your lips, and in a few moments, his wound is gradually closing up, his blood-coated skin patching itself together. 

When you back away, he winces, looking down at his wound, blood and spit smudged against his lips, and you have no doubt that you look the same. 

Shit , you think to yourself, feeling a wave of warmth hit you suddenly. And it’s different today because you just want more for once. Perhaps it’s the adrenaline, perhaps it’s because you almost lost him. You’re tired of constantly being edged by him, when you know he could give you so much more, that you could give him so much more.

“Your place is close, let’s get out of the rain.”

Curse Matsukawa for his height. He easily towers over you, and it makes it ten times harder for you to properly support him as he leans against you, his arm thrown over your shoulders as you weave through back alleys, slowly making your way to his apartment. It doesn’t help that the rain hasn’t let up, drenching both of you.

He’s lost a lot of blood, and you’ve been trying to keep him conscious with little success, as he keeps blinking in and out. By the time you’re at his front door, he’s awake enough to dig through his pockets and give you the key with a shaky hand.

There’s blood on it, and you wipe it away with your thumb as you jam it into the keyhole, quickly twisting and opening the door, stepping into the hallway and navigating to his room. 

You kick open his door, feeling your strength falter at the sight of his bed and with one last burst, you unceremoniously drop him on top of his covers. He lets out a grunt and laughs a bit under his breath.

“How romantic,” he chokes out, and he rolls onto his back painfully, groaning as he twists his body, mindful of his healing wound.

“Shut up,” you mutter, taking off your coat and kicking off your shoes, slamming the door closed after a moment. Taking in a breath, you steel yourself before you lean on the bed, one knee first, before you swing your leg over his, straddling his lap. 

Without any warning, you lean in, kissing him, grinding your hips down on his. You moan against his mouth and–

“Let’s do it, this time, c’mon,” you moan out impatiently, nipping at Matsukawa’s neck as he grabs your hips, tight enough you’re sure you’ll be bruised by the end of it.

“You sure?” he asks softly, lacking his usual teasing lilt, and you nod.

“I’m sure,” you reassure him, looking him dead in the eye, watching as his horns grow out. “I’m saving your life and I’ve wanted to do this with you for a long time. I think it’s a win for both of us.”

He grins, pained, but absolutely ecstatic, as if he’s won the lottery.

“You’re telling me we could have done this earlier?”

“Stop talking and we can get right to it, you dumbass.”

And you can’t stop the curse that leaves your mouth when he flips you over, trapping you under his arms. He tugs off your shirt and your pants, kissing you before you reach up to return the favor. His torso is red, but there’s no longer open flesh that makes you sigh in relief.

At the sight of you bare to him, he leans back, admiring the view and whistling as his eyes trail down your body. 

“Can’t believe I went slow with you when you’ve wanted this too,” he comments, leaning to press kisses against the inside of your thigh before he leaves a long kiss on a spot and bites hard . You yelp at the sudden pain, gripping at his hair as he licks his new mark, thighs trembling as he continues to mark you up.

His fingers reach up, hooking under your panties before—

Rip!

“Hey!”

“I’ll buy you new ones,” he says, uninterested, eyes locked onto your cunt instead. “You’re so fucking wet—and all for me.”

He swipes a finger up your leaking pussy, earning a yelp from you and he brings it to his lips, sucking on it

“Sweet,” he whispers. “Didn’t think you’d taste so good, and it’s all mine .” He leans down, spitting on your cunt before licking a long stripe at your folds as you keen, your hands once again finding purchase in his wet hair, tugging at his curls as he makes a mess of you. Your back arches as his tongue flicks at your clit, swirling around it before thrusting in, wanting to taste all of you. His fingers make their way beside their tongue, and he’s pleasantly surprised with how you take one, two fingers, then three as you sing so beautifully.

Your eyes are glazed over, purely lost in pleasure and everything is so hot and you just want his cock so bad and—

It’s coming it’s coming I’m coming—

“Issei!” 

The cry of his name makes him smile against you, as you're suddenly hit with a mind-numbing orgasm, back arching and body trembling against his mouth as he continues to coax more you have to offer him. Coming down from your high, you’re far from satiated, still feeling the wanting burn deep in your gut. 

You don’t notice him taking off the rest of his clothes until you feel him press up against you. He pushes up your legs, your thighs pressing against your stomach as he leans close and folds you to his will. 

He’s huge, you realize, and you’re not sure if he’ll fit, feeling its weight as the head of his cock kisses your pussy. You jerk at the feeling of him rubbing his length against your wet folds, his eyes trained on the way his cock glistens against your wet cunt, slapping it once, twice against it. 

As if reading your mind, he offers a reassuring smile, squeezing your thigh.

“Tell me if you need me to go slower,” he says. “Last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

You nod deliriously, moving your hips and rubbing against his length, urging him to hurry up. He finally obliges, pushing in slowly, and you let out a broken moan, clawing at his arms as he groans, sinking into your heat inch by inch.

“Fuck, you’re tight,” he grunts, and he listens to your breathing, waiting for any indication of pain before he keeps going until he bottoms out, hips flush against your ass. 

You’re just big, you want to retort, but you can’t even form words, choking on your spit as you feel so full, turning lightheaded at the feeling of his cock stretching you out wide. He’s holding back, biting his lip and a furrow in his brow as he lets you adjust, barely able to control himself. 

He’s careful, his calculating gaze roaming over your face as you focus on leveling your breathing, letting yourself relax before–

“Issei,” you moan, “Move, move. ”

He wastes no time, starting slow and experimentally he moves his hips, pulling out of you until the tip of his cock is inside you before he snaps his hips, making you scream as he buries himself to the hilt once more. The bed frame creaks with each thrust, and you whimper, his cock reaching depths that even you weren’t aware of, your walls fluttering around him.

You chant his name, lost in pleasure and Issei knows you’re long gone, completely undone by his cock and his punishing rhythm. He shifts, leaning down to swallow up your moans, tasting you, relishing in your sweet, sweet flavor as you cross your legs behind his back, bringing him closer, deeper inside. 

“Let me cum in you,” he grunts out, not slowing down as his dark eyes stare at you and you feel as if he’ll devour you. “Make a contract with me, I’ll be yours, little hunter, just say the word, and I’ll give you my all.”

“Please!” You cry out, nails digging into his back as you hold on for dear life. “Cum inside, I’m yours, I’m yours—“

Your words flow out of you as the knot in your stomach builds quicker as Issei’s unrelenting pace seemingly gets faster and faster. 

“Issei, ‘sei, please, please more—faster!”

“Fuck!” he curses, feeling you tighten up around him. “Gonna cum inside your pretty fucking pussy—”

He pushes as far as he can inside you before he stills, moaning against your shoulder as you feel yourself reach your peak, clenching around his cock. 

Something warm burns in your abdomen, and you look down dazedly, seeing Issei’s cock buried deep inside you and a strange symbol etched on your skin, just below your belly button. Your hazy mind barely registers the shape, feeling it tingle along your skin.

You feel yourself twitch as he pulls out, a small moan escaping you as you feel his cum leak out of you. He collapses beside you, absolutely spent, and you turn to look at him, brushing a hand through his messy hair.

“Are you ok?”

“Now I am. Thank you, master .”

“Wha– What do you mean?” you ask, flustered, and he laughs, grabbing your hand against his cheek and squeezing it before he trails down to your stomach. His thumb brushes over the mark, and he opens his mouth, sticking out his tongue for you and the same mark is drawn on it.

A contract. 

“I’m your familiar now. So, please, treat me well,” he says your name, voice deep with want. The coil in your gut tightens, and you meet his red-eyed gaze. His lips meet yours, and you yelp when his fingers find your tit, pinching lightly. “I’ll treat you well, too.” 

[saintmeghanmarkle]

No Wedding Invitation means Harry is a Duke in Name Only. by u/Winter-South-7448

No Wedding Invitation means Harry is a Duke in Name Only. ​There is a major, devastating significance to the reports that Harry has been excluded from the wedding of the Duke of Westminster on 7th June 2024.Royals, especially the Monarch, rarely go to weddings except to family members. This is a wedding that both the King and Queen, the Prince and Princess of Wales, and Prince George will attend. It is a public statement of who is in, who is out, and a dynastic show of power by the social establishment.The Duke of Westminster is the closest you get to being Royal, without being Royal.Something the scandals with the ILBW have taught me, is that every time something is reported in the media, someone benefits, and that there is a purpose behind every story. And there is no reason at all that the Duke of Westminster should have revealed who is or is not on the invitation list, it is a private wedding ceremony. And it's more than six months away, not being held until June next year.So why the revelation at all, and why now?It is a deliberate and calculated counter move against the latest attack by the ILBW and her mouthpiece Scobie Lickspittle, who accused the King and Princess of Wales of racism and launched an unprecedented and malicious attack against Catherine.A big rookie error when dealing with someone like the ILBW is to try to address every allegation, to explain every point, to deal with every criticism. Engaging with a narcissist only serves to give credibility to their claims. You get dragged down into the rabbit hole and can't escape.Instead, the RF has made a counter-move, with the Duke of Westminster, King Charles's godson, publicly announcing that Harry who is the King's son, the father of the Duke of Westminster's godchild (Archie), and a childhood friend, is actively excluded. Not just left off because they don't have room, or he has been forgotten. They have actively thought about whether to invite him, and have refused to do so. They have rejected him.For British people who are unfailingly polite, deferential and will never rock the boat socially, it clearly demonstrates that Harry is no longer an insider, that he is no longer a member of the aristocracy or the Royal Court, that his connections to power and prestige have all disintegrated. This action says that despite Harry being Duke of Sussex in name, he is no longer a Duke in reality.I have no doubt this is a calculated move at the behest of Charles and William, and comes on the back of high-level advice taken by the RF about how to deal with the ILBW. Not just legal, but I am sure they have spoken to corporate crisis management teams, PR experts, and psychologists. Despite criticisms, they are well-briefed about what they are dealing with, and how to manage it. These seemingly small, but in reality devastatingly important moves by the RF are negating Harry bit by bit, until the RF makes the announcement hopefully next year, formalising what has by then already taken place, that Harry is no longer Duke of Sussex, he is no longer in the Line of Succession, and he is no longer accorded the title of Prince.The work to remove Harry is being done before our very eyes.The RF will get the public to the position of clearly understanding and accepting that Harry is now just plain old Mr. Mountbatten-Windsor sitting on a beach in California, and then, and only then, when the work is done and the transition is complete, will they announce it. ​​ post link: https://ift.tt/zdfQEbp author: Winter-South-7448 submitted: December 03, 2023 at 04:01PM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit

[sstan-hoe]

𝑽𝒆𝒆'𝒔 𝑯𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝑱𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒆

This year to save me from tears, I will post a Christmas Challenge! I took this into a lot of consideration and went through some stuff to hopefully make it perfect! In the following you will find the needed information;

How can you participate?

— you fill out the form (you will find it at the end of this post) and then I will write you down as well as send you an email that you are now a part of the challenge!

When does it start and end?

— it starts at the 1st December 2023 and ends 31st December 2023

When can you start posting?

— all fics can be started posting at the 1st December and the last fic should be posted at the 31st December. In between this time frame you can post whenever you want!

— It's also completely okay if you post until the 14th January 2024 because you need more time, just send me a DM and I will note it down!

What can you write?

— in the email mentioned previously I'm going to give you a prompt, a AU and depending on how you fill out the form a smut/fluff/angst themed word, as well as a Christmas word.

-> important to know is that you do not have to write every or anything that is written in the email. The only thing I ask is that it's related to Christmas!

Who can you write?

— it can be anyone from this list; . However if you have another character you want to write that is not on the list, but in the fandom then just text me and I will add them! All I ask for you to write them into the form.

How many fics can you submit?

— honestly there is no limit! if you want a new email then fill out the form again or write for every prompt/ theme on the card a different fic, what ever you want!

Are there rules?

— yes. There is a difference between content and format however;

Format;

fics longer than 500 words need a "keep reading"

if you write a dark/ smut fanfiction then you have to put everything that may be triggering to people into warning so they can read it beforehand

Content;

I leave a lot up to you, but what is a no go is non-con and I think this is about the only thing

What can the prompts/ themes include?

— prompts can variet from smut to fluff to angst and more! Sometimes it could also be a song prompt from our favourite Christmas songs!

— themes can be a kink, a word associated with fluff/ angst and a word related to Christmas

-> for the prompt and theme it heavily depends if you want to write fluff/ smut/ angst – or all three. This is just to give an idea, you do not have to use any of them, you can use one or write more fics with them. Whatever you like!

What do you have to include in your post?

— you need to use the tag #vee's holly jolly challenge and mention me in your fic (@sstan-hoe) so I can see them.

What happens after you post?

— I will read the fic, reblog the fic and add you to a masterlist that will be published at the end of the challenge!

If you have more questions do not hesitate to ask me!! And I myself will post some fics too!

Needed links;

— application form

Useful links;

— character list

— slide in my inbox if you have questions

no pressure tags;

@georgiapeach30513 @bucky-barnes-diaries @yelenabemylova @multifandom-girlie @malfoys-demigod @noctumbra @navybrat817 @jobean12-blog @stargazingfangirl18 @neptuneiris @xcaptain-winterx @wintasssoldier @witchybabel @promiscuousbarnes

[sweetenernsims]

Alternatives To DownWithPatreon 2023

Okay, as you can see I deleted the old pinned post cause I felt like maybe it needed some updating. Some stuff will be the same but some stuff has changed.

Sims Galaxy

They have some old and new content available, unfortunately you have to sign up so it's up to if you want to or not.

Sims4planet

If you were trying to find the old sims 4 planet, but couldn't it's cause they updated their site it seems.

TS4 Rebels

Right now the vault is down and they are under maintaince! So please be patient until they get everything up and running again, for the time being they are using notion..

Dollhouse Mafia 2

Telegram group chat, they put a lot hard work into this group so please be respectful and read the rules/guide. This is legit cc heaven right here, please join cause you will be blown away on how much content is being graciously donated. I am grateful for this group!

SimsFinds

Yes, I know you guys hate this site but it's a pretty decent site for finding newly released content. I believe they stopped taking paywalled content and only post whats free or been released so yay no more paywalls!? I don't know about anything else, however, it's neatly organized and easy to navigate and find

content on.

Paysitesmustbedestoryed

The O.G, unfortunately they're no longer updating but so now they are archive and I belive all of DWP's items are there as well. So you can find some old gems there if that's what you're looking for.

Sims-New

This site is awesome, has sims 4 and 3 content available, old and new. You can sign in with your google or whatever account you have. So far it's very safe and I haven't had any problems with the site.

Alright well that's it for now, hopefully in the near future we will have more sites and places like this who help share content and fight against these wack ass paywalls. So if you have any other alternative sites similar to DWP or blogs that I don't know about, feel free to shoot me a message and I will add to the list. Happy cc finding/shopping! =)

PS: Thank you to all those who have made this possible you been a big help in this.

[legendary-cookies]

Happy New Year everybody!

January 1st is also funnily enough this blog's anniversary!

Legendary-Cookies is now 3 years old which means of course your obligatory cheesy post lmao

I'm putting it under a cut because the post ended up longer than I meant

Sorry gzjrhrzjziyt

I feel like I've only been posting less and less lately, but I really appreciate every one of you for following this blog anyway!

Thank you all so much!

I still very much like Cookie Run but I've been much more busy with less motivation, so I haven't been posting nearly as much as I want to

I can't promise anything unfortunately, but this year I hope to be able to get through my art ideas list for this blog and work on some other projects I have planned

For one, I do plan on adding Black Pearl to the profile picture and banner

I haven't forgotten

I just haven't gotten around to it lmfao

I also want to work more with animation this year, so things like animation memes or test animations or stuff like that might happen in the future

I'll still post in-game content about the Legends as well of course

I've made two other anniversary posts but I feel like I've never talked about how this blog started

Honestly though, I'm not sure how I started this blog lmao

I remember I wanted to make an ask blog with Cookie Run characters, but I couldn't tell you why I chose the Legends specifically

It could've been that I liked their concept because I've always been a sucker for elemental characters

I feel like it also could've been that of all the groups in Cookie Run, the Legends appealed to me the most

For those who didn't know by the way, this blog used to be just the Elemental Four

I added the rest of the Legends later, but Sea Fairy, Moonlight, Fire Spirit, and Wind Archer were the very first

Funnily enough, the first Cookie Run character I ever remember seeing was Sea Fairy

It all came full circle lmfao

I love all of the Legendary Cookies, but those four specifically will always be close to my heart

It's about to get extra cheesy, but ever since I started this blog, those four specifically have become so special to me and are definitely comfort characters

Maybe one day if I'm brave enough, I'll go through my old posts and redraw some stuff

But I digress

To finish this long post off (sorry about that hgszhdjihfz), I want to thank you all again so much for following me and my content!

I guess we'll see what 2023 has in store for us

And hopefully it's better

- Mod Velvet

[vera-deville]

Just Like the Moon and the Tide

09/05/2023 - 10/02/2023

Pairing: Azul Ashengrotto x Reader

Word Count: 535

Warnings: Nothing here!

Gender: AFAB

Tags: @rose-the-witch1

"When I asked you to tell me about the moon and the tide, I didn't mean give me a full detailed scientific explanation," Y/N stated, heaving a sigh.

Lying next to her, a man of light-grey colored hair frowned at her words. "Perhaps you should have specified what sort of explanation you wished for." Feeling the sand in the part of his hand that didn't lay on the beach towel, he continued, "Besides, what other kind of explanation did you want? A fairy tail?"

"Actually, yes. I wanted to know if this world had some sort of fantastical tale about the moon and the tide. Something romantic and magical. Not scientific." Y/N replied. Turning her head towards Azul, she cuddled closer to him. The night wind at the beach was cold, but not enough to warrant a pile of blankets (unlike other places they'd been to).

Azul moved slightly, making sure that Y/N was comfortable, and even lifted her head to rest on top of his arm. "Why don't you tell me a tale of your world then?"

"Gladly."

And so Y/N began her tale. A tale of other-wordly beings. One with skin as pale and grey as the moon and the other with skin of seaweed green. The two were not as different as night and day. No, that was a different story for a different time. But the two were in sync with one another. The cold grey one would push and pull with all his might while the warm green one would simply succumb to his will.

There was no remarkable tragedy. No travesty. Just love.

And it was from this love that life thrived. Without the tides of their devotion, no living thing would have sustained on the planet they called home. Life would not be able to go on. And that was why the passion of the Moon and the Tide was worshipped by many.

The only sad thing was, they grew further and further apart with each coming year. It was said from the ancient days that there would come a time where the two lovers would no longer be caught in each other's embrace. And that day would be what finally extinguished life in the otherwise lively planet. There would be no great monsoon to vanquish life. No tremendous fire. No perilous evil.

Simply two lovers growing apart until one day they are lovers no more.

"That's it?" Azul asked.

"Uhhh, yeah? Why, was it bad?" Y/N asked.

"There's no lesson to be learnt, no tragedy that forcefully pulls away the two so-called lovers, no nothing!" lamented Azul. "Tales like that are supposed to have some sort of meaning to them! Not whatever this is supposed to be."

"Firstly, you're the one who asked a story from my world." Azul pouted a bit at that. "Secondly, I made up that entire story." Azul's face contorted to that of a flabbergasted one. "And thirdly," Y/N gently held Azul's face in her hands, "the moral of the story is that we'll never let us grow apart like the Moon and the Tide."

Azul's breath hitched.

"You and I? We're meant to be together forever."

Author's Note: This was VERY rushed, and admittedly not one of my best works. I've been super busy trying to get all my fics for my event for October ready (yes I started writing the October fics starting the previous month), as well as a bunch of other stuff that I unfortunately didn't put enough time for my @briarvalleyarchives fic. Hopefully it still gets added into the fic list for this month's prompt!

Thank you for reading and I'll see you in the next fic!

Masterlist

[memosminifridge]

My Etsy shop is now live with one product: Guillermo Slayer tees!!

Give me a follow, and hopefully I'll have more stuff available soon, like stickers, buttons, and other designs!

Screenprinted by me and guaranteed to last wayyyy longer than the off*cial m*rch💖🦇

[edhellfire]

2023 was quite the year.

One of my best.

Ups and downs as usual but in general it was great.

Not only did I do everything I intended to but I became a better person a long the way.

I was there for those who needed me. I was a good friend, a good sister, daughter, cousin.

I worked, I traveled, I let go of things that held me back and clung to things that made me better.

I learned to accept apologies and move forward. I learned my worth and to not stay silent.

I have my ADHD and anxiety under control. Health not so much but thats on the agenda for 2024.

I am so thankful for this year and the people that it brought me.

Shout outs below.

@havvkinsqueen You and I have known each other for years but I feel like this year we got closer than ever and you're one of the most important people I've met on here.

@chrissyfied This year brought you to me when I needed you and I am so thankful it did. You make my days better.

@iwillnotbow You don't need to hear this year because I feel like you've known me long enough to know just how much I appreciate you.

@untamedlobo my bro! We talked more this year than ever before and I hope we get closer in 2024.

@scarredfeathers you're such a breath of fresh air and I appreciate the energy you bring into my life.

@behindtheireyes never would I have guessed you and I would become this close but I'm here for it. I love our random talks and I'm falling in love with our muses.

@zoomingupthathill I'm so glad 2024 brought you back into my life.

@little-miss-losing-her-mind I miss you and wish you were around more. I hope life is treating you well.

@lunastar92 forever a bestie.

@qxeenofhawkinshigh I love you to death, you lil weirdo. Thanks for being the cutest hamster... and for spoiling me even though I panic every time you do.

@vionlet I'm glad you're back.

@vitaegratis we don't talk at all but I know the kind of person you are and we need more people like you. We are a weird version of soul mates. Its an Eddie thing.

@puppetoffthehook we don't talk enough but you need to know I adore you and your energy.

@depictedblue love me dammit.

I'm doing this mobile so hopefully I didn't forget anyone. I hope this list gets longer in 2024.

This fandom is scary but you guys make it so worth it to be here.

Lessons learned:

Sometimes what we want isn't what we need. We cling to things and people that really aren't good for us. Trust the universe. If you tried, and you spoke about your feelings, and people didn't understand, walk away. Know your worth. What some people don't value is what other people hold dear. Let the right people into your life and your life will be so much better.

Take risks. Even if it's scary. Risk taking took me to Denver and I had the time of my life and made new friends.

Be loyal. Some people not only deserve it but need it.

[jilymicrofics]

November 2023 Prompts List

How Does This All Work?

See a prompt you like? Go for it! Use it however you like and then @ us in your creation to be reblogged! The focus of this blog is jily so we ask that your micro be about at least one of the pair. But your fics can be told from any characters POV. Jily can be enemies, friends, lovers, you name it! Canon or AU. It’s all up to you! All we ask is that you try to limit your pieces to 3K words or less. These are just some tiny prompts to hopefully get your brain and creative side firing. For longer inspired fics tag @jilymicro-oops in your post! There’s no specific order or timeframe you have to follow, you can combine prompts if you like or not use them at all! It’s all in the name of fun and fandom!

FAQ | PREVIOUS PROMPTS | AO3 COLLECTION | 

For any additional questions our ask and DM is always open! Please DM for an invite to the community discord!

[donnerpartyofone]

4, 7, 15

Thanks pal!

4. I'm looking forward to a bunch of things I guess, although also everything makes me so nervous that anticipation is never untainted! I'm looking forward to my book coming out, even though it has all sorts of little flaws that I can barely prevent myself from spontaneously defending/confessing. I'm looking forward to a blu-ray commentary I'm gonna record soon (can't announce yet) plus a bunch of writing I got assigned, all really cool things but I know how much work they are and I wonder if I'm going to survive it every time! I'm looking forward to a horror event I have to host in a couple weeks; it's insanity, I'm paying $$$ for travel and lodging to be on a stage for probably ten minutes to just sort of be the face of the event and provide "support", but that's what it means to me apparently. I think that I should try to find some longer term things to look forward to, but that will be a whole project, I've always had a lot of trouble with goal formation. I'm always doing one short-term thing at a time and feeling like I barely got away with it.

7. 2023 was really insane. My mental health was crumbling really badly in tandem with our tiny, ridiculous apartment where we had lived for ten years. There were huge ups and downs with the big TBA project I basically gave my life to, that I may never be able to "A" but hopefully some day someone will tell me if it is officially cancelled so I can at least talk about it a little. I also wrote my book and I got a chance to go to London to record my first blu-ray commentary, which was a huge adventure and it happened amidst a bunch of really complicated dramatic events I don't have the space for; it was like, we moved out of our apartment, and somebody died, and I had to get on a plane to another country immediately, and I still have this feeling like I went through a portal to another dimension and when I landed at home again it was in another universe and that's where I've been ever since. I got to do some major writing projects that kind of felt like, well OK I did THIS, maybe it will be alright if I die now. I got to be on the jury of the local horror film festival and that was really awesome...and I'm starting to realize that this roundup makes it sound like I'm an incredibly ambitious and busy professional person who is fulfilling her dreams, but none of this stuff pays the bills and I am chronically unemployed, and I seem to have a lot of cognitive and intellectual problems, and I'm just terrified that I'm going to have to starve to death eventually. Toward the end of the year I tried to go back into therapy (round 3) and the search itself was really frightening, but when I finally picked someone I had made a really bad choice and the ~3 sessions I had with her fucked up my mind so badly, I wasn't OK for like two months. I still need to figure that out though, there's a lot of stuff wrong with me.

15. Personality description, wow. Maybe it would be fun to do one of those Marvel cards with all my "stats". How do I answer this? My instinct is to list all my pathologies, but then I think I should say what I'm like socially, but then I remember that I'm pretty different from one situation to another. I have incredible anxiety and I'm always tired from a lot of heavy duty masking, but the masking is 1 part survival instinct and 1 part compassion for others I would say. Almost all of my relationships are these intense one-on-one bonds, I don't do well in groups or with people who can't sustain a long conversation about one thing. But even with people I really know and love I have trouble being spontaneous, I have to script all my phone calls just in case I suddenly lose my mind. I think a lot of people perceive me as like really tough and self-possessed and even ambitious, which blows my mind; I've had a number of relationships that fell apart because the person came up with the fantasy that I was this bad bitch and then they were disappointed that I'm actually really vulnerable and nervous and incompetent. I'm not completely sure what that's about, but I think it could be partially a "social cues" problem; like sometimes I don't realize that I'm being inappropriately harsh until it's too late, and other times I'm like daring myself to be more honest and frank because I think that I'm too meek and it's not normal and people don't like that and I should practice having more self-confidence...and then I'm mortified when I find out the hard way that I was being inappropriate. But the one thing I can probably say without reservation is that I have a great sense of humor. It's like my prized possession, an incredible survival tool, and it keeps me entertained even when I have nothing else.