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evermourning · 28 days

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timeless - yang jeongin ᯓ ᡣ𐭩

pairing: yang jeongin x implied afab!reader

genre: romance, multiuniversal!au, non idol!au, tons of different scenarios

warnings: language, infidelity, making out!!, suggestive, mentions of injuries/violence/war, jeongin being too perfect, based off of timeless by taylor swift

wc: 4k

summary: no matter how many lifetimes you'll live, yang jeongin will always find his way back to you. no matter the cost.

a/n: so sorry for my lack of posts! i am busy working on a BIG project 😈 this and one more oneshot will come out within the next few weeks! also, i referenced a previous jeongin fic in here! can you find it? ;)

The estate of Duke Christopher Bahng, 1521.

You sit at the long table, the revels of nobles and partygoers have become a muffled cacophony blocked from your ears. At the end of the table, Chris offers you a sheepish smile.

I apologize, he mouths, his dimples visible on one perfect cheek, I know you don't like loud noises.

It's not that Chris is a bad guy. He has never been cruel to you. In a world where someone like you has absolutely no choice in who you'll end up marrying, being engaged to Duke Bahng is one of the luckiest things you've ever endured. Chris is compassionate and sweet, and doesn't treat you like chattel.

But yet, the more time you spend with his ring suffocating your finger, you feel guilt slither over each bone in your ribcage until it has enraptured your heart, squeezing until you are absolutely sure it will bust if you exhale. You have to let him down. You'll have to tell him, one day, that you cannot love him the way he adores you.

Because you are madly in love with his younger brother, Jeongin.

At every single event like this, he is the anchor that keeps you grounded. When Chris looks away to laugh loudly and clap his best friend, Jisung, on the back, you steal a glance at Jeongin.

He looks so mature tonight. He wears a striking navy doublet threaded with gold, the colors of the Bahng family's coat of arms. Beneath it, his white sleeves are puffy, basically hiding his large hands. And as he smiles at you, you make a mental note of how his face is as perfect as ever.

His eyes cause you to melt the moment you meet his gaze. They are a deep brown, yet they glimmer with a resolute air of warmth, almost as if they are the light at the end of the tunnel that you've been searching for all along. His hair is dark and wavy, combed neatly. You know this because you had to wrestle with him for a good ten minutes before he conceded and allowed you to comb his hair.

Nobody in here knows your dirty little secret except you. And Jeongin, of course.

Normally, if it were anywhere else, he'd make subtle glances across the table, knowing just what to do to have you blushing in an instant. But tonight, he cannot. Because tonight, he is seated at Chris's side, a reminder that at the end of the day, he will never be able to live a comfortable life with you.

In the ebony depths of Jeongin's darkest nightmares, he sees you married to Chris, intent on creating a family and a home with him. He sees in his head your words of venom towards him as you push him away for his more talented and intelligent brother. The very idea of you consummating marriage with Chris has him waking up in a cold sweat.

But once the moon rises in the east, casting a dim, silvery light onto the polished courtyard stones, you are swept into a labyrinth of gardens until Jeongin is positive the two of you will not get caught.

The moment he is certain, his lips are on yours.

Jeongin is practically clawing at you, desperate for the saccharine sweetness of your lips. His long fingers entangle themselves in your hair, as if gripping onto the delicate strands will allow him to maintain some sense of human decency. The more his lips crash against yours, bruising and biting them, the more he can feel himself deteriorating into something almost primitive.

It is completely discourteous of him, of both of you, to let this behavior run amuck. You should feel some ounce of shame for sneaking around behind your husband-to-be's back with his younger brother, of all people. And yet, you cannot. Every muscle and bone in your body aches devastatingly, yearning for the boy you cannot have.

So you will continue to be two-faced. You are the perfect partner for Chris in the daytime, listening to him talk and guide you through life. But you'll always wake in his brother's bed. You'll always pen passionate sonnets to his brother and receive equally fervent soliloquies in return.

And when the time comes, you will write a note to Chris profusely apologizing for never loving him truly the way he cared for you. You will push down your fears about risk as you allow Jeongin to hoist you over stone walls draped in ivy in the loneliness of evening, hands intertwined as you run towards a new life together.

Nobody ever said finding your soulmate was supposed to be easy.

California, USA, 1849

The winter has been long, but you pulled through. Coming here was not easy, across barren prairie and looming mountains with barely enough food to survive. But it has paid off, in many more ways than you'd imagined.

When the news spread like wildfire about the possibility of gold on the West Coast, you were a little unsure if it was true or not. You didn't want to leave behind everything you knew for something hypothetical. But your husband believed. He hoped for a better life, not wanting to be the reason you were so blue. So you took your infant son, just the three of you, and went west.

You stand now in front of a beautiful house on the coast. It is two stories, preposterous for someone of your family's class, and is painted clean and white. The shutters are painted in hues of periwinkle, kindling a fire inside your heart.

Vividly in your dreams you remember first marrying Jeongin. He was scared he couldn't provide a life for you, for the one who had such a tight grip on him since he was a small boy. He knew his family wasn't wealthy, and he didn't want you to leave him, so he jumped at the chance to try and change that.

He believes God was on his side that day, after scorching hours mining and waiting by the river looking for something even akin to gold. Soil was etched into his fingernails, and his skin was tan from all the time in the sun. But he kept going, for you, and he found a hunk of gold.

It is worth it to him, seeing the delight on your face when he reveals to you the house he built himself. You were sixteen when you met him, dreaming of a big house on the water with white siding and blue shutters, and those dreams have come true.

Every single thing inside the home he’s created for your family has been created lovingly by hand. All the furniture on the inside has been built too, just for you.

You stand outside of it beside him, tears welling at the corners of your eyes. Your son is held tightly to your chest, and Jeongin wraps one arm tightly around your waist. You lean into him, a warm smile encompassing your facial features.

"Oh, sweetheart," you practically let out a broken sob. You cannot even begin to fathom the multitudes of love that seeps out of Jeongin when it comes to you. He adores your very existence, believes he's blessed by it.

It only makes sense that if Jeongin had any sort of divine powers, he would part seas and move mountains if they were ever a hazard to you. He has built you a home out of the ground, for fuck's sake.

It has been made inadvertently clear to you that you are so lucky that a man like Jeongin loves you.

Somewhere on the front lines of the Allied Forces, 1944

The world did not look this barren ten years ago.

Once luscious fields of verdant vegetation have now become trampled earth, soiled with fragments of weapons and bones. No longer do children play here. No longer do the birds sing. The only sound that will reach your ears anymore are the explosions and the screams.

Jeongin is relieved that he has temporary salvation. He sits upon a creaky cot in the medical tent, the clamor of the room still better than any battlefield. He sighs, and unbuttons the first two buttons on his uniform, rolling up the sleeves. There's a gash that hurts like hell down his forearm, thanks to the grenade he practically dove in front of to save his unit, and he's been waiting to get it wrapped.

His stomach lurches, however, as screams intensify. The 25th Infantry was ambushed. Doctors and nurses surround the soldiers carried in, and they start looking for empty beds. Time is running out, and so is availability.

His arm throbs, and he groans, clenching his teeth. Everything feels hazy. As Jeongin swims in and out of consciousness, he can hear the voice of the head doctor over him.

"Someone treat this boy. We ought to get him out of here for space."

He doesn't hear the rest, as everything goes black.

"Oh no, this won't do at all." someone tuts, and Jeongin blinks wearily. A doctor is standing above him, writing about his condition on a clipboard. "Are you awake now, Yang?"

He looks up to see the face of an angel above him.

You smell like gardenias and vanilla and everything he's yearned for since he stepped onto that dingy plane to come fight here. Your hair is neat, your skin is glossy and not covered in soot (like so many people he's met before), and your medical uniform is pressed.

He's so busy staring at you in childlike awe that he forgets to answer your question. When you tilt your head, awkward silence forming an invisible barrier between you is when it finally hits him, and his cheeks turn the color of blooming roses.

"Oh, um, yes. I'm awake." he stammers. You smile, and reach for his arm.

"May I?" you ask softly, as if a loud voice will make the wound worse. Jeongin's heart skips a beat at your words. Just by speaking to him a few times, you've entangled him in your web. And Jeongin is making no attempt to escape. "It''ll only hurt for a second, dear. I just have to check it out."

He nods, exhaling shakily as you lift his arm to check how much motion he still has in it. Once that's done, you examine the laceration.

"And how did this come to be, hm?" you ask, applying ointment to the wound. Jeongin grunts, and you place another hand on his shoulder to ease him through it. He hates how vulnerable you make him, but the feeling of you taking care of him is so appetizing. It's not enough for him. He never wants to leave your side again.

"I was an idiot," Jeongin grumbles with heated cheeks. He can't lie to you, but the reason he's in here is stupid. "and there was a grenade the enemy planted in the ground. It was like a millisecond decision, but I tried to move it away from us and it exploded. Nobody got killed, but a shard of debris got stuck in my arm."

He notices you're listening to his story in astonishment. His cheeks grow redder and redder. You probably think he's an actual dumbass.

"Are you kidding?" you say once he's finished. "You're a hero, Lieutenant. You put your life on the line to help your fellow soldiers. That's so honorable. Goodness, now I feel honored to be operating on you!"

As you begin to dress his wound, you make small talk with him, and Jeongin realizes that you and him have so much in common. You're easy to talk to and so sweet. You even are from the same city as him, for fuck's sake!

Eventually, you have to leave to aid another patient, but you can't help but lean in to whisper into his ear.

"I'll see you around, Lieutenant."

Jeongin blushes as you say this, and yet, he's so confused why you're so keen on staying with him. You could've been doing it out of pity, and you could've been working on anything else. But you devoted your precious time to him. And that's what makes him all warm inside.

It's December of 1945, and Jeongin has officially been discharged from the military. It was a long war, but a victorious one, and every single person put in the effort necessary.

You were sent back in early summer, devastating Jeongin and you both. Ever since that day in the tent, you'd been inseparable. It truly was a sight, wasn't it? Young love, in the face of such tragedy. A doctor saving the wounded and a young soldier who could die at any moment.

Since returning home, you've busied yourself with volunteer work and anything that the people need. You've fallen back into the flow of working long shifts at the hospital. But one new thing - every week, you've sent a letter to Jeongin. He tries to send some back as often as he can, but he's a busy man. And it's worrying, isn't it? One day he could stop replying and you'd never know whether or not he was busy or the worst had happened.

But he'd survived, much to your relief, and you were ready to see him now.

The harbor is crowded with wives, children, and families, waiting to see their loved ones arrive safe and sound. It's beginning to snow rather dreadfully, and as you wrap your coat tighter around yourself, you hope that it doesn't delay their arrival.

Thankfully, your prayers are answered, and a loud horn blows as the ship comes into the harbor. Cheers erupt through the crowd, and people begin pushing forward, desperate to get to their person first.

You weave through the crowd and absolute chaos erupts the moment the first few people get off the boat. You're being tossed around, but you have to go find Jeongin no matter what. The sea of people is suffocating, and you trip over someone's foot trying to get closer. But someone wraps an arm around your waist to keep you steady.

When you look up, you see Jeongin's easy smile. You squeal, wrapping your arms tightly around him and he spins you around with a wide smile as he pulls you in for a long, loving kiss. His lips were always meant to be on yours. This is obvious through the way they mold into yours every time your lips connect. And when he finally pulls back, still holding you tightly, he grins.

"God, I've missed you."

Miroh Preparatory School, 1958

It's a sunny day on campus. You look at yourself in the mirror, at your freshly bought clothes. You turn once, or twice, excited to see your hard work paying off. The moment you saw this top at the store, red and black and so tuff, you knew you had to have it. You'd saved up your allowance for so long.

Your alarm chimes, and you jog over to check the time and your eyes nearly shoot out of your head. You're going to be late! You check yourself out one more time in the mirror, clip on cherry-shaped earrings, and dash out the door.

You vault onto your bike, spurring the wheels and gears into action and sighing in delight as the sun kisses your skin. Its golden rays dapple the sidewalk in front of you, setting the scene for a beautiful morning. You just hope you're pedaling fast enough to get there in time.

As you cruise along, you catch sight of your destination: the campus's soccer field. You ride around the path a couple of times, to divert their attention and make it seem like you're not there for any specific reason. Once they don't care to look is when you can look for your crush.

Yang Jeongin. The very glue that holds Miroh's undefeated varsity soccer team together. The team's most talented goalie in school history, with a slightly muscular frame and a smile that can melt any gal's heart. You park your bike and dash towards the stands, where your best friend and ticket to victory is standing.

Jisung is popular, in the same group as Jeongin, but what separates him from the rest is that he is insanely unathletic. Because of this, he is merely Miroh's team manager. But what he lacks in athletic prowess he makes up for in musical talent, stealing the hearts of people everywhere with his songs.

The two of you make an unlikely pair, since him and his friends are popular as hell and you're you, but in all honesty, you love spending time with him. You've known him since you were little living right next door to him, with gangly legs and candy wrappers stuffed into your pockets.

Jisung is the key piece to your plan to go out with Jeongin. He's your wingman, knowing the feelings you harbor for the dark-haired boy. You've begged him to bring you up during conversations and to tell you what Jeongin says. What you've gathered so far is that he thinks you're pretty, smart, and a good person.

That's not a lot, to be fair. He's probably trying to be nice, since he doesn't know you all that well. But frankly, you don't give a shit, because Jeongin thinks you're pretty.

"Quit it, hon." Jisung snaps his fingers in front of your face, breaking you out of your lovesick daydreams. "Practice is almost over, and he wants to talk to you about something. You've got to focus."

Your heart excitedly skips a beat. Jeongin wants to tell you something?! You look out at the field, where he's stretching his arms, ready to focus as team striker Hyunjin slams a ball at him full speed. Somehow, like a madman, Jeongin calculates the way Hyunjin kicks and easily blocks it. You watch in awe. How the hell did he do that?

And then he looks over and notices that you're watching him, and if you squint, you're 50% sure his cheeks grow pink. What? Before you can even process it, he's focused on practice once more, leaving you to wonder if that minute encounter was even real.

"Did...did you see that?" you ask, prodding at Jisung's shoulder, but much to your dismay, he's making googly eyes at the student council president and her clique. You sigh. However, the gradually increasing sound of chatter begins to draw closer.

Practice is over. The eleven boys on the team are laughing and joking around with each other, and one by one they offer you at least a ghost of a polite smile. The final two are Chan, the team captain, and Jeongin, who seems flustered from the avalanche of praise his hyung bestows upon him.

When they reach you, Chan winks and pushes Jeongin in your direction before grabbing Jisung by the arm and walking away. You're standing here awkwardly with the boy you've been in love with for the longest time, waiting for what he's going to say.

"Um, Jisung said you needed something from me?" You ask, fiddling with the hem of your top. He's looking at you weird. There's something unreadable in his expression. Oh god, did Jisung let it slip about you drawing hearts around his yearbook photos?!

"Yeah, sorry...I know you don't know me all that well." Jeongin says sheepishly, smiling. You feel your face begin to burn up. The irony is apparent here. "We had geometry together, right? With Mr. Park?"

Of course you remember. That was the class where you fell head over heels for him. You sat behind him, giving you the ability to gaze at him adoringly. He was funny and smart, and brightened the room.

"Yeah, we did!" you smile at him. "But what do you need? I'd be happy to help." His cheeks grow pink at your words, and he becomes a blushing mess.

"So, um, you know how there's a school dance next week? For the homecoming game? I was wondering if you wanted to come as my date." he stammers. "See, I've had this crush on you ever since geometry. You haven't left my mind once."

You genuinely cannot tell whether or not this is a dream, as you nod excitedly and wrap your arms around him. Your high school sweetheart likes you back!

Decades later, you'll sit in a comfortable chair, showing your grandchildren this picture. It is of you and Jeongin, dated 1958, his arm wrapped languidly around you as you smile and laugh before the dance wearing coordinating colors. You'll remain hopelessly enamored with each other for the rest of your lives, creating a family and a home. Perfect for each other, as if the universe hand-crafted the string of fate that binds you with gentle, loving hands.

Seoul University, 2024

You'd rather be anywhere but here.

It's late, and your head is pounding from the loud music blasting around you. Hyunjin just had to drag you to one of his parties on a Friday night, which you were totally unprepared for. Now, you lean against the wall, absentmindedly swirling a drink you'd rather not touch.

Your internal silence is interrupted when a young man with ginger hair walks up to you. He wears a black tank top and jeans, and holds a red solo cup in one hand covered in rings.

"You seem lonely," he observes. You don't want to admit it, so you offer him a tight-lipped smile. "Mind if I offer you company?"

You've never met this man in your life. Yet something about him seems so...familiar. His existence is unbeknownst to you, but he's prominent already. And on his ring finger, strangely, he wears a silver ring with willow branches. Just like the one you have.

"Excuse me, have we met before?" you ask, absolutely bewildered. A fire lights up in his chocolate eyes. He reaches out to take your cup from you, placing it on a table nearby.

"Yes, we know each other. And we are meeting each other for the first time right now. My name's Jeongin." he says. And then you know. There's no proof that Jeongin is the one for you, but there's a feeling in your gut that you never want to be separated from him again.

"What...what do you mean, that we know each other?" you ask, intrigued. Jeongin chuckles, running a hand through his smooth hair. "I'm racking my brain here. I genuinely cannot think of a single interaction with you."

"Who knows?" Jeongin replies with a wink. "Maybe it was in a different universe. We could even be lovers."

You laugh at his goofy flirting, not thinking much of it. Jeongin seems like the type of guy you could see yourself having a true connection with.

"Well, let's see if that proves to be true." You look out over the droves of people dancing and come to the obvious conclusion that you would rather be anywhere but here. "I'm over this. Want to go grab something to eat?"

Jeongin gives you a smile that can only be classified as sugary sweet. He takes you by the hand, leading you out of the apartment until it's just the two of you. And you just feel so at ease with him. There is no place you'd rather be than beside Jeongin.

And there you will stay, no matter what. There's no use tampering with fate.

#ren writes!! <3 #stray kids #evermourning #skz #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #jeongin #yang jeongin #yang jeongin x reader #stray kids imagines #i.n skz #jeongin skz #jeongin x reader #jeongin stray kids #I LOVE TAYLOR SWIFT

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xxblairexxss · 9 months

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Hunt game (Charles Leclerc x reader)

Series contain stalking, harrasment, sexual violence.

Masterlist

Just an introduction to the characters and a little sneak peak on how they met since we gonna picked up the story from their engagement day ahead. We have more chapters ahead so buckle up!

Chapter 1

The sun was scorching hot, and there wasn’t a single moment where the vertical wrinkles between your brows had stopped creasing ever since you got here. Those Pinterest-inspired outfits you had saved on your albums weeks before would have been a mess if you hadn’t done a double check on your outfit today.

You were especially keen on trying out this one outfit where it paired high-waisted jeans with an oversized sweatshirt because it would look adorable, especially with a claw-clip bun hairstyle, but that would have made you drenched with sweat as it confined all that heat. Instead, you went with a cute embroidery off-shoulder frill trim crop top in white with basic denim jeans.

This whole motorsport event was something you had only seen on television every weekend. Being able to experience it in real life and seeing the hype with your own eyes made you feel all giddy, even though you weren’t a fan of it. It was only then that you knew that Formula 1 had its own little branches.

They were listing out names on the big screen with a picture of every driver. You were pretty sure you were the only one squinting your eyes trying to read those names just so you would be more familiar with the names and team involved in Formula 2. The paddock pass you had hanging on your neck was used as some sort of fan as you kept on flapping it in front of your face, seeking a little breeze in the hope of cooling down the heat.

With one hand holding your travel-sized sunscreen, you stepped aside from the roes and lines of people to take a breath. There were people walking past you within every minute, each of them wearing a different colour of shirt, indicating the different team they were supporting. Those team logos that you saw on the shirts were not the same ones as the ones you had seen earlier.

"Checking the driver out?"

Your frown disappeared the second you heard a voice too close to your ear while you were staring at the on-going interview that was held with two well-known drivers wearing red shirts. The logo on the shirt was familiar to you as it didn’t take a genius to spot that. It was familiar to every human being in this world. The classic black horse on a yellow shield background.

"Sorry?"

"Oh, sorry. I thought you were checking out the drivers like what I’m currently doing."

His reply was very nonchalant. He wasn’t even looking at you. He was staring at the two drivers with his hands on his waist. The way he was acting so casual made you feel so out of place for being surprised, so you tilted your head back to the drivers with your hands crossing over your chest.

"You know them?" You heard his voice again.

"Yeah, I have seen them a lot on television." He leaned in to be able to hear what you were saying while you were unconsciously straining your voice to make sure he was able to hear you amongst all sorts of noises coming from the crowd. "That one—yeah, that one is Sebastian Vettel, and that one is Kimi Räikkönen!"

"Big fan of Ferrari?"

"My dad is." You responded. Your hospitality pass was flapping on your face again as the heat caught up to you while you leaned back against the wall. "Are you?"

"Everyone’s a Ferrari fan." He fished out his phone and took a few pictures of the drivers before they passed the microphones back to the interviewers and made their way back. "Who’s your dad’s favourite driver?"

"I don’t know, actually. I think he likes them all equally." You realised he was no longer looking ahead. He was leaning against the gray-colored wall from the building that both of you had been standing beside all this time while the interview went on. His eyes were on you now, and his hands mimicked yours as he had them crossed over his chest.

"What about you?"

"I like Sebastian Vettel!" Your voice went a little high, a little excited to answer the first ever question you have ever gotten in relation to the sport. It felt like you were somehow accepted by the clique, though you only knew a few teams and names.

"Yeah? I like him too. I would love to be in the same team with him one day."

That wasn’t something that a normal fan would say. You had to go through and check the facts to see if it was even possible for a fan to wish to be in the same team as their favourite driver. If so, your dad would have been talking about it. "You drive too? Like these fast cars?"

"Yeah, I drive too, but mine isn’t as fast as Vettel's, though." He grinned, knowing what you would say after. It wasn’t the first time people ever told him that his little sweet dream would never come true. He had heard it countless times and had gotten used to it by now. "I know what you’re going to say."

"What?"

"You are going to tell me it’s impossible, aren’t you? For me to be on the same team with him." His hand went into his back pocket as he stood up straight.

"No."

"Sorry?" He blinked in surprise.

"I think it’s possible. I think... I think Vettel could do a teammate like you." You beamed widely and nodded in satisfaction with your words before taking a step away to find your dad.

"You can use this." He called out and handed you a white portable mini-fan.

"Are you sure?" The paddock pass fell and was left hanging on your neck as you let it go and took the mini fan from him.

"I don’t really need it."

"Thank you!" You clicked on the button as it flipped, and you felt the cooling effect hit your face. Sending him one last beam of gratitude, you walked back and joined the crowd, looking left and right to find your dad.

"Thank you too."

His gaze was interrupted as he was handed a green notebook with a striped marker pen by one of the fans, asking for his autograph, followed by a couple of photo sessions with a few others.

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You were back again in the paddock, two years older. The weather this time, if you were to express it in words, would be an antonym to the last two years. It wasn’t extremely cold, but enough to send chills down your body from the constant rain. Your knowledge of motorsports this time has improved a lot. Your dad was excited when you started bringing up his favourite topic first during dinnertime because now he had someone to talk to about all the things that excited him.

The raincoat you had kept inside your tote bag was being pulled out as soon as you felt a few drops on your cheeks. The rain never learned how to do its greeting properly. It was always a few drops and a heavy rain the next second. You were trying to untie the little string that helped to keep your folded raincoat neatly in square shape while the rain started dropping down even more.

"How do I untie this?" Your hand kept on going from unknoting the string to protecting yourself from the rain, as if your palm was big enough to cover your entire body. The string wasn’t cooperating, and your indecisive trait made you stand in place instead of figuring something out.

"Need my help?

"Please!" Your eyes flittered upon feeling the little drops on your face as the person tried to untie the string.

"Shoot! This isn’t working. Let’s just run." Your hand that was purposelessly trying to cover your head from the rain was being grabbed as you found yourself running with him in the rain, unsure of where you were heading.

"Can we even be in here?" The run made you puff out. He had somehow dragged you inside Ferrari’s hospitality when you were so sure you would get kicked out the second someone noticed you. "I should go." You tried to scurry away and flinched when the thunderstorm rumbled.

"It’s okay. Just stay here. They’ll know you’re with me."

"It’s you?!" Your hands went to cover your mouth immediately as you got a proper look at his face this. It was the same guy from last year. He looked the same, just in a different uniform. "Oh my God! Are you Sebastian Vettel’s teammate now?"

"Is he still your favourite driver?"

"Yeah! I am still a big fan of him. Oh, I didn’t bring your mini fan.” The mini fan was still working perfectly fine, but it was left in your room because you weren’t expecting to bump into him again.

He took out his phone, and you saw his fingers danced on the screen before he handed it to you. "How about you give it back to me when I take you out?"

"What should I do with this?" The screen showed a numberless contact with the name ‘pretty girl in white top’.

"Your phone number?"

You passed the phone back and chewed on your lips. "I have a boyfriend."

"Ah! Sure– I’m so sorry."

You chuckled as you retracted your hand back and typed in your phone number. "Just kidding! There! I should probably go to my dad before he freaks out.”

"Wait!" The phone was being placed on the coffee table, as he ran to get an umbrella. "Use this."

"Thank you!"

Charles turned on his phone and saw your contact number being saved as "My name’s Y/N!"

"Y/N.."

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"Can I get her sign too?"

"My girlfriend?" Charles chuckled and passed the green notebook to you. You weren’t really sure what to do or how you should make your sign looked like because you had never prepared yourself anything like this. "Sign here, love."

"Like this?" You handed the striped marker pen back to Charles and hid your face in his arms when he laughed at how small the signature was.

"You might need more practise." The notebook and marker pen were handed back to the owner, making him laugh along after seeing your little sign.

"I’ll make sure she attends my classes on how to improve her signature."

"Can I get a picture?"

Charles’s hand went back to hold yours while his free hand moved vigorously, sliding those pens and markers on caps, shirts, and banners that the fans had prepared while exchanging a few conversations.

"What was that signature, baby?"

He was holding it the whole time. The occasional glances he gave you as he kept on signing the merchandise were enough to let you know that he wasn’t done yet with the tease so it wasn’t a surprise when that was the first topic he brought up once both of you got your own privacy time.

"Shut up! I didn’t know they would ask for my signature too." You leaned on his side as he kept you close with his arm on your waist.

"But it’s cute! I would definitely get it tattooed if I was obsessed with you." Laughing, he pinched your cheek when you scowled. "Let’s be real. Would you tattoo my name on your body?"

"Of course!" You exclaimed. It was impossible to hold your laugh when he stared at you with scepticism.

"Yeah, right! No one’s believing that, baby." He retorted, leaving a lingering kiss on your hair.

"Yeah, no. Can you imagine if I have your name written in a big font across my arms?" You questioned.

"On a second thought, that might not be that bad of an idea. Everyone will know you are my girlfriend." He jested and earned a slap on his arm.

"No! What if we break up? I’m going to have to get them removed, and even if they were removed, you'd still see the mark."

"We’ll never break up. I don’t want us to ever break up." He muttered.

"I don’t want you to leave me too." You murmured, tiptoeing to leave a peck on his cheek.

"Whatever happens in the future, let’s talk it out instead of choosing a break. I can’t lose you, Y/N." He murmured.

"You won’t lose me, baby."

﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎﹎

"Charles, slow down! You’re going to make me trip on my dress!" You called out, feeling his pace increased with every step you took.

"I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I was just excited for you to see the place. Here we are!"

The sudden switch from pitch black to the brightness around you when Charles took off the blindfold on your eyes caused you to squeeze them shut.

"Do you like it?"

The room was illuminated with candles that were placed on a dark-coloured candle holders. There were rose petals spread out on the floor, looking like a path that led you to the centre.

He had asked you to go out for a dinner date, and you thought it was just like any other ones you had, but he reminded you specifically to dress a little extra, so you went with a split thigh backless dress in dark blue paired with a necklace that you got as a gift from Charles.

"Oh my god, I love this! Did you decorate this on your own?"

"Yeah, with some help from the Internet." He murmured and moved closer to snake his arms around your waist while your arms circled his neck.

"What’s the special occasion?" You questioned him, brushing your nose against his jaw.

"Oh, yeah! Okay.." He muttered, pulling away as he gave your arms a squeeze. Charles looked anxious. You knew because he kept on pressing his lips together; his green eyes barely kept on you for any longer than a minute as he kept on looking away.

"Charles? What’s wrong.."

"I– um," Charles had seen this a lot in movies, but he wasn’t really sure how someone went about doing it. He wasn’t sure if he should pull out the ring and put out the question first, if he should give a hint so you knew what’s coming, or if he should let you talk first.

"Y/N,"

You let out a gasp, your hand went to cup over your mouth as he went down and got on one knee. Charles fished out the velvet ring box he had kept in his pocket, which felt significantly heavier despite its small size.

"I wanted you to write the happy ending to our lives together. Will you marry me?"

He could see you were smiling, though half of your face was covered. "Yes! Oh my God, yes!" Your head bobbed up and down in a nod, feeling the weight on your finger as he slipped the ring on.

"I love you so much." He breathed out, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you up as your lips met his.

"I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, fiancé." You muttered, fingers stroking the back of his neck while slowly feeling as if you were getting hypnotised the longer you stared into his green eyes.

charles_leclerc

Liked by ynusername, carlossainz55, and 1,836,729 others

charles_leclerc She said yes 🧸💍

pierregasly Ay congrats!!! 🤵🏻‍♂️👰🏻

username1 OMG OMG OMGGGGG

carlossainz55 Off to the next chapter 🛫

ynusername 🥹❤️

username2 FINALLYYY I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS

username3 im crying 😭🥹😭🥹😭🥹

username4 Charles is off the market! ❤️😩

ynusername

Liked by charles_leclerc, charlottesiine, and 633,820 others

ynusername day one as someone’s fiancée ❤️🥰

charles_leclerc you made me the luckiest man on earth ❤️

username1 parentsssss 🥹🥹

username2 the cutest couple ever

charlottesiine Congratulations, linda! ❤️

username3 They have always been the most unproblematic couple in the grid

katerinaberezhna Omg congrats angel!

They said you could never please anyone in the room. Let it be a room of hundreds or tens, there would always be one unsatiated person. They said you would fail the moment you lived your life making sure everyone else was please with you. They said ignore, walk away, because people’s words shouldn’t limit how you should live your life.

But what happened when you ignored them way too much that they decided to kick it up a notch, thwarting their way into your own bubbles of euphoria.

Just like what happened to Mufasa.

✧.* general tag list! @i83andrew @cltrlne @karmabyfernando @ohthemisssery @ru-kru @tastebaldwin @f1obessed @love4lando @shinrjj @ietss @leclerc13 @darleneslane @buckybarnessweetheart

If your usernames were crossed, meaning I can’t tag you! 😭 Let me know if you would like to be removed or to be added to the tag list! Or if I missed anyone!

#charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc imagine #f1 imagines #charles leclerc #charles leclerc imagines #f1 imagine #f1 x reader

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edenfenixblogs · 2 months

Text

Well, tuned into the Drawfee stream...

I promised I'd check it out before determining if I'd ever be able to give Drawfee another chance after this...

Verdict TL;DR: Maybe one day, but not in the foreseeable future, especially not streams. Certainly never through my financial support ever again, unless they are fundraising for a particularly worthy charity (like in the Trans Rigs stream). But luckily, I don't think they give a shit if I watch or not, which is totally fair.

Overall: The Drawfee YouTubers didn't do anything wrong. However, their lack of acknowledgement of any Jewish pain or concerns served to further digital ghettoization and social isolation of diaspora Jews in a way that many (but definitely not all) Jews will probably find painful. Between that and the really bad faith link-sharing from the mods, I'm personally too fragile to imagine engaging with the channel again.

This conclusion is geared toward fellow Jews seeking escapist content or content that doesn't make them feel erased during this time. This is not a prescriptive recommendation for anyone else. It is simply my reasoning, should anyone else be on the fence and need insight.

The Good (There was a lot of it!):

I didn't see any Drawfee folks parroting antisemitic conspiracy theories, which is good. An extremely low bar, but one that many, many people fail to clear.

They kept their tone fun and light and didn't turn anything into a diatribe

They kept their focus on humanitarian aid and an end to violence.

I think they made a few statements generally about keeping chat civil.

They kept chat limited to people who already subscribed to the channel, which was SO smart. It kept bots and bad actors from making the chat hostile.

While they all joked about silly stuff, they never jokes about real issues or the pain of anyone involved in the conflict. This is very important!!!

Chat in general was a very good place to hang out. Most people were just happy to be there and commenting about funny and fun art and it had the (mostly) typical Drawfee vibes, which I miss.

There was nothing performative or disingenuous about the team's intent: They wanted an end to violence. They wanted aid to reach Palestinian refugees. They wanted to encourage voter turnout in upcoming elections, and they wanted people to pressure their representatives to call for a ceasefire. These are all unambiguously good things.

Most importantly: They raised WELL over $100,000 for PCRF, which (despite not being totally perfect) is a very well-rated charity that has no history of its funds falling into Hamas' hands and is geared toward helping children. This matters much more overall than the stream's impact on me personally.

Ultimately, I believe the stream did more good than harm by a large margin.

The Iffy (Neither good nor bad; just things that I noticed):

Basically, none of the actual Drawfee crew did anything antisemitic that I saw. But they had a lot of missed opportunities -- to affirm solidarity and support with Jewish viewership, to acknowledge Jewish pain in any way, to advocate for a peaceful solution that left room for any negotiated peace between Jews in Israel and Palestinians in any capacity (whether that meant as Israel or as a newly formed state of some kind), or to be specific and directed in how they wanted people to approach a ceasefire.

I didn't hear any call to specifically keep the chat free of antisemitism. I tuned in a few minutes late, so maybe I missed it.

No substantial knowledge of the conflict demonstrated. Just that the current situation is unacceptable and should stop. I don't know anyone who disagrees with that (who I consider to be acting in good faith), but no language from the team about how to bring about that end to violence other than demanding a ceasefire.

Mods had a chance to add links to AllMEP charities, A Land for All, and some other Palestinian-Israeli and Arab-Israeli and Muslim-Jewish charities that support either inter-faith healing OR even just solely pro-Palestine charities that have inter-faith or inter-cultural backing. They did not add these to the shared links that I saw. (This would have been fine if they had a rigorous evaluation process and couldn't moderate and evaluate quality at the same time. But based on the links that WERE shared, I severely doubt that was the case)

Someone in the chat was repeatedly giving the very good advice that when writing your representatives to demand a ceasefire, you should demand that the US offer to facilitate a negotiated peace and permanent ceasefire between Israel and Hamas. Again, my feed crashed a couple times, so I may have missed it. But I personally did not see any of the mods or the Drawfee crew acknowledge this or mention Israeli suffering or Hamas violence once.

A least one of the mods should have been assigned fact-checking duty. Not many falsehoods were posted, but some were and community-members had to address them.

As expected there were lots of people posting watermelons, flags, and FtRttS. But, surprisingly, nobody was spamming it. I've written before about why the phrase FtRttS is upsetting to me personally, but I'll probably do a larger breakdown about i in the coming week. I appreciate that in general, people did seem to use it respectfully, in good faith, and without clear aggression toward Jewish people. There was some clear aggression toward Israelis (as in citizens not politicians), in general, but not too much or from too many people.

The Bad and Pretty Ugly (This is why I ultimately have to step away and other Jews might have to as well. At least for awhile):

Honestly, for all the care that people put into this stream, there was a general apathy toward and invisibility of Jewish people suffering in this crisis. Like I said, nobody on the on-screen Drawfee team did anything antisemitic. That was nice. Unfortunately, it didn't really seem like any actual effort was put in to determine what links were worth sharing. It was more of a "the mods like this one so it's allowed" sort of thing. Even cursory research on most of the links shared involved blatant instances of antisemitism, historical revisionism, or that just in general fell apart on any inspection whatsoever.

They could have made a lot of Jews feel seen and heard by mentioning the hostages even once, acknowledging 10/7 even once, acknowledged even once that Israel continues to be bombed from Hamas and Hezbollah daily, acknowledging that this is a war with two sides that both require an end to violence...literally any ONE of those things would have made a difference. But it was all just ignored, which is far too common when dealing with this conflict. This is especially painful for Jews who, like me, have experienced social isolation and digital ghettoization during this time. I think a lot of Jewish viewers will struggle to reconcile how this echoes a lot of the erasure that we all feel in our daily lives and in our digital spaces and in our hybrid digital and in-person communities. (<- Reblog 2 contains the accounts of The Jewish Experience of antisemitic erasure and ghettoization)Like, I do understand the argument that this is about providing humanitarian relief, but I also don't know why so many creators (and this is NOT unique to Drawfee) pretend like Jewish suffering is not relevent to ongoing discussions.

The mods posted links that supported UNRWA and some chatters spoke up in support of the UNRWA without any consequence. (All links here are verified as highly credible with high factual reporting standards via Media Bias/Fact Check and represent analysis from left-leaning, right-leaning, and least-biased sources)

One mod also posted a link to decolonizepalestine(.)com (not including the link because i don't want to support blatant propaganda). I have shared information about this terrible, bad-faith website before but there's so much more to pick apart here that I will reserve an evaluation of it as a source for a whole post of its own, unrelated to Drawfee. This website does cite its sources, but it provides no mechanism for readers to evaluate those sources. They are not hyperlinked and each individual citation must be looked up individually. I don't even have remotely enough time to do that right now. But if any of my bookwormish allies wish to tear apart those sources or the website in general, be my guest. Tagging y'all for visibility, but do not feel like I am actually asking you to do this work. It is simply something to add to the list of bad sources that we'll have to tackle at some point. cc: @comradevo @the-road-betwixt @faggotry-enjoyer @arandomshotinthedark et. al.

The mods also shared arab.org a few times. It is weird to me that they could have recommended AllMEP, which routinely emphasizes interfaith and intercultural and international cooperation and peace, but instead chose this much less evaluate-able source that excludes any efforts to find cooperative peace between Israel and Palestine. I had not heard of Arab.org before this stream and when I started to look into it, I fell into a bit of a rabbit hole:

So, first of all, Arab.org is a charity? organization? network? based in Beirut, Lebanon. I can't find them on Charity Navigator. The homepage didn't have a clear mission statement, so I navigated to the About Us tab. That gave me a little more information.

There, they state that their vision is to, "Empower people & organizations to do good." - Vague, but inoffensive. OK.

They state that they have three objectives:

Raising awareness, which they define as, "Civil society’s active role and through active collaboration." -- Vague but inoffensive.

Raising hope, which they define as, "Enabling the use of technology to innovate ways of contributing to the wellness and welfare of society." -- Vague but inoffensive.

Raising standards, which they define as, "Education, Reporting, Communication to & from civil society in the Arab World." -- Unclear, but inoffensive. Are they trying to raise the standards of these listed items within the Arab world or are they trying to raise international standards to be more inclusive of these listed items that originate from within the Arab world. And how do they define increased standards? Whose standards? IDK. This doesn't tell me anything really, but it also doesn't tell me anything bad, necessarily?

So what about their principles? Well, they list 5:

"Collaboration: Only together as a collective, can we bring about real change and betterment to society." -- OK, fine, but this still tells me nothing.

"Transparency: We conduct our business with a high level of transparency and a simple development model and we publish our impact publicly." -- Great! Excited to explore that!

"Innovation: We use our skills and creativity to make the world a better place. We want to make it possible to both inform and take action to solve the problems we discover." -- Intriguing, but how?

"Inclusion: We champion the inclusion of everyone in society, whether it is part of civic inclusion or charitable inclusion." -- This sounds really promising!!!! I'm excited to learn more!

"Leadership: We believe in taking the lead whenever wherever required by empowering individuals and organizations to influence others towards common goals." -- Gonna be honest, this just sound like vague buzzwords to me, but if they actually accomplish what they set out to do, great.

Luckily, each of these principles was clickable.

Let's start with "Collaboration"!

This takes me to a weirdly vague page with a gif of various men helping each other climb out of frame. The text below it says "We are currently on the look out for the following technology/platforms/businesses relevant to civil society" and then a list of pretty random things, some of which have checkmarks near them. Why is the formatting so strange? Why don't they all have checkmarks? Why is only the indicated section clickable but none of the other things? Where is more info about any of these items?

But fine, lets click that one clickable link about online marketplaces.

It doesn't actually take you to a marketplace but a page where artisans in the Arab world can submit their information. Submit heir information for what? Well, this is what the website says:

We understand how difficult life is for craftsmen & craftswomen to compete with mass-producing giants. We’re here to change all that. We are creating a win-win-win relationship whereby all sides benefit from our new platform “Shop to Help"

The "Shop to Help" is not clickable. I have no further information on what this is.

Fine, there's one more thing to click on this page: a list of Arab.org's partners.

First up: The Arab Institute for Women at Lebanese American University. Clicking on the info there takes me to the AIW:LAU website. Arab.org says the organization used to be called "Institute for Women’s Studies in the Arab World," but I couldn't find anything on Charity navigator for them either. Cursory research on them shows they've been around for 50 years. Fine. I'm not doing an evaluation on them right now (anyone who knows anything about them feel free to comment. I just don't have time) I was just investigating how they partner with Arab.org. I didn't find anything about that aside from a list of AIW's partners, which lists Arab.org amongst them. Clicking the link to Arab.org just takes me back to the homepage. I've learned nothing.

Next: They list Bayt.com, which is a job search site. Clicking that link takes me to the Bayt homepage. I couldn't find that addressed partnerships of any kind was their affiliate links page? But becoming an affiliate helps the affiliate make money, not Bayt. So I'm unsure what's going on or if this is even related.

Third: Building Markets. As far as I can tell, this is a real organization. I also cannot find them on Charity navigator, nor can I find any information about how they partner with Arab.org from their website. They do clearly share their financial information, though, which is great. I neither endorse nor condemn this organization. I'm not investigating them right now.

Fourth: Takreem Foundation. I CAN FIND THEM ON CHARITY NAVIGATOR! But they aren't rated. A search of the Takreem website shows no affiliation with Arab.org or accessible financial information.

Fifth: #GivingTuesday Woohoo! They are on Charity Navigator and have a pretty high rating! However, there's no evidence of a link between them and Arab.org, and the organization claims to have no list of official partners or participating organizations. Odd. Did Arab.org run a #GivingTuesday campaign and highlight #GivingTuesday instead of the organization they were giving to? Idk. And I don't have time to figure it out.

Sixth: CSR Engine. It's just a website with nothing on it except the statement "World’s first business for good solution to assign & align CSR activities seamlessly using AI and blockchain technology," which is the same text available about it from the Arab.org partners page. It does show it's affiliation with Arab.org...by listing Arab.org as a customer and then linking back to the Arab.org homepage. WHAT IS GOING ON.

Finally, and buckle up for this one cuz its a doozy, Greenpeace: I'd actually heard of this one, but I don't really know anything about it. Clicking Greenpeace doesn't even take you to the real Greenpeace MENA site. It just takes you to Arab.org's really weird write up page about Greenpeace. So, instead, I searched for Greenpeace on Charity navigator, where it got a 100% rating. Awesome! I clicked the charity navigator link, which took me to the Greenpeace Fund website. But wait a second. What's their connection to Arab.org? Well, there was no search function on the GreenpeaceFund website. So, I typed Greenpeace into google and uh?????

What?

That was surprising. I clicked the link and...

It showed me a totally different website...

Than the one I was just on...

Mods and the Drawfee crew stopped people from sharing links unless those people were mods. That was a super good choice which I fully support. But why did the mods share THESE links?

Well, I had the websites both open in side-by-side tabs.

That's...odd... So I studied the URLs more closely...

The lighter green G that's less pixelated? THAT ONE is the Greenpeace Fund. That is the one with penguins and a 100% charity navigator score.

The one with the lime green, pixelated G? That's Greenpeace International, a conspiracy/pseudoscience website with low crediblity.

But hey, the Greenpeace International website says there's a MENA-based branch. And, upon closer inspection, the Greenpeace International MENA website is the one that was linked on the Arab.org page. Maybe that one was better?

Clicking it took me to the Greenpeace MENA site...

which gave me another blinking Conspiracy Alert Icon from Media Bias Fact Check.

Just to be safe, I typed Greenpeace MENA into google, and fam... it is not better.

PS: searching ANY Greenpeace website for Arab.org showed no results.

In one last-ditch effort, I checked the Transparency page, where Arab.org claims to be "leading by example" in sharing all their documentation for charitable donations. And y'all it's fucking weird.

Let's stick with Greenpeace cuz they're already open tabs on my computer.

First of all, Arab.org's "leading by example" financial disclosures...

...are literally just the "Thank you for donating" receipts that you get whenever you donate to any cause. It's fucking weird.

And yeah, you read that right. For all of the 4th financial quarter of 2023, Arab.org donated just $109 TO THE ORGANIZATION WHICH THEY CALL A FEATURED PARTNER.

"OK," you say. "Well, there was a fucking lot going on in the fourth quarter of 2023. They were probably more focused on Palestine." Sure, lets check out their donation history to UNRWA (which, btw, is still a not great charity)

In case you don't want to click another link--Spoiler alert, they only donated $380. For the whole quarter.

And before you say, "But Eden! You must have missed it Arab.org is another organization called The Olive Tree (The Olive Tree SAL). That must be where the REAL work takes place!" Look at the mission statement of that one! The call themselves, "A mission-driven social enterprise startup making an impact for the common good.''

No.

The Olive Tree SAL is not on Charity Navigator. It's just another nothingburger website that links back to Arab.org and has no search function or further information.

This is the entirety of the website:

And a weird little LinkedIn logo that takes you to the organization's business page on LinkedIn.

From what I can tell, Arab.org just uses Ad revenue to generate minimal donations for charities and organizations of varying credibility that mostly don't even seem to know that Arab.org is even doing anything related to them. And that are designed to make people who are basically uninformed on the whole topic feel good for clicking on a link.

IDK, color me unimpressed. But I'm frankly a little mad that I spend so much fucking time trying to promote charities and organizations that promote peace between Palestine and Israel with actual detailed financial reports and disclosures that seeing this really makes me upset. Maybe if people actually listened to Jewish people with a lifetime of experience dealing with this conflict and trying to help solve or even Palestinian people on the ground who are affected by all this, they might instead focus their energies on one of the many organizations that are actually doing something to help alleviate suffering, increase empathy, encourage education and interfaith dialogue, learn to use language that is respectful of everyone undergoing and who has survived trauma, or build a peaceful future.

Whatever.

Donate to an AllMEP Charity:

And the craziest thing is that I'm gonna be the one who gets hate for this--even tthough I've been so driven out of most fandom spaces and discourse spaces that I can't even tag Drawfee here, let alone I/P, Palestine, or (G-d-forbid) Israel and get this to reach people who this could actually hep.

Because every time I try to engage, I'm inundated with messages like this:

#an eden original #antisemitism #leftist antisemitism #media literacy #how to help #aid #donations #it’s been several days #so I’m adding this tag so it shows up when people search my blog #and not to stir shit up #Drawfee

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akumajoaurora · 1 year

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Castlevania Games Do Have a Story (And Why It’s Important That It Stays Subtle)

Ok so this is basically an expanded writeup of some loose thoughts I posted to Twitter earlier today in response to the news that the God of War Ragnarok guy wants to do a Castlevania game, but this is something I’ve been thinking about for a long time, so I figured it deserves to be on a long form post and not just Three Sentences Per Post Dot Com.

A big criticism of Castlevania that I hear pretty frequently is “Oh, it has no story”. However, this is untrue- Castlevania games very much do have a story, they’re just not presented in the format that most people are used to.

A lot of story-driven video games play out somewhat like a TV show or a novel. You get to watch the story play out from start to finish, with characters talking to each other, and often moving and acting as though you were watching TV. There’s nothing wrong with this format- I enjoy it a lot myself! Everyone who knows me knows I’m a big fan of Devil May Cry, after all. But this isn’t the only way to tell a story.

With the exception of a few games (mainly Lament of Innocence and Curse of Darkness), Castlevania has a much different format. While there are some cutscenes, they’re generally much more limited and there aren’t very many per game; In some of the really old games, there really isn’t much dialogue at all, and instead the main plot points are given to you in scrolling text at the beginning and end of the game or in the game’s manual. This is important because it pushes you, the player, to engage with the text. The story is there, but how deep does it run? How does each game play into the overall saga of Castlevania? That’s what you have to discover for yourself, and clues can often be found in the level design, the music, and flavor text.

To give an example, let’s analyze one of my personal favorites story-wise, Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest.

This game takes place 7 years after the original Castlevania. Our friend Simon Belmont, now 29 years old, has already killed Dracula. However, he begins to feel gravely ill, and fears he may be on his deathbed. He goes to the family cemetery to contemplate this, and a mysterious unknown woman appears to him, who tells him that he’s been cursed by Dracula. In order to save himself, he will need to collect five scattered pieces of Dracula’s corpse, use them to resurrect Dracula, and then kill him again, all within seven days or he will die. The mystery woman then disappears.

Simon travels the land in search of the Dracula relics. Along the way he, of course, fights monsters, and also talks to the ordinary people of Transylvania in search of clues; Some of them are nice or even flirtatious towards him, but a lot are openly hostile, and will lie to him or try to scam him. Every night, Simon’s curse worsens, and the famous words “What a horrible night to have a curse...” appear as more and more monsters start to come out. During this time the player is unable to go indoors. Depending on how long it takes you to complete the game, Simon either dies fighting Dracula, or survives and frees himself from the curse. He then is seen making a grave for Dracula. This is the text of the good ending:

"The encounter with Dracula is terminated. Simon Belmont has put an end to the eternal darkness in Transylvania. His blood and sweat have penetrated the earth and will induce magic and happiness for those who walk on this land."

So, what can we get out of this short, dialogue-lite game? Let’s take a look.

Even though Simon has already defeated Dracula, the fight is not over. He can’t truly escape his family legacy, and the ongoing battle between man and vampire. Simon, like many Belmonts, is trapped within a cycle of violence- Even when he does what he’s “supposed” to do. It’s manifesting in an extremely physical way that forces him to engage with the conflict- If he were to do nothing, the curse would quite literally kill him within a week.

Simon is a thoughtful and spiritual person who respects his family greatly. Rather than getting angry about his condition, giving up, or even asking a doctor, he went to his family cemetery to contemplate in the presence of his ancestors. The fact that he seemingly didn’t go to a doctor brings me to my next point...

Simon is largely disliked by his neighbors- Even though, again, he’s already killed Dracula. A common element of Castlevania games is that the Belmont family are feared and distrusted for their magic powers and their proximity to the supernatural, and this is certainly true for Simon. Still he continues to fight.

Despite this, he clearly still has someone looking out for him. Who is the mystery woman? Is she an ancestor spirit (Sypha, perhaps)? Is she a witch? An anonymous admirer? Either way, she cares enough for Simon to help him in his time of need.

Simon is, ultimately, a deeply kind and caring person. Even though Dracula caused so many people horrible suffering, including Simon himself, he still took the time to build a grave for Dracula. He showed respect even for his greatest enemy and went out of his way to provide him dignity in death.

In the end, the people finally recognized Simon’s good deeds, and he was hailed as a hero... But at what cost? It’s worth noting the specific phrasing, “his blood and sweat have penetrated the earth”. Simon had to give so much of himself, very much putting his life on the line in order to keep humanity safe. The burden of heroism is an extremely heavy one.

Simon’s Quest becomes even more poignant when put into place with the wider Castlevania timeline. Simon is one of so many Belmonts to be feared and hated by his neighbors, give everything in order to save them, and finally win their respect- But at a very high cost. Again and again this cycle plays out. It’s also worth mentioning that Simon’s Quest is the origin of the famous background music track, “Bloody Tears”. Interesting name, isn’t it? Whose tears are they? Are they Simon’s- Is the curse ravaging him so badly that he’s literally crying blood as he keeps fighting? Are they the tears of the Belmont clan, unable to escape their fate? Or maybe tears shed for, or perhaps by, the spirits of all those who have lost their lives to Dracula? Worth thinking about.

Every Castlevania game has a story, and all of them come together to create a much wider tale of life, death, and rebirth, generational trauma, the cosmic battle between good and evil, the nature of humanity, finding light in the darkness, and why we keep fighting. Like the gothic novels it draws from, it poses many questions about the nature of life, death, suffering, and what it means to be human. The format in which this story is told is a unique one that encourages introspection and participation. If you’re someone who enjoys media analysis, I highly recommend the Castlevania series.

Ultimately, while I don’t think it’s impossible to do Castlevania in a more traditional format (after all, LoI and CoD pulled it off pretty well), I do think that the layers to the story are a big part of what makes it, well, Castlevania. I don’t think it’s at all fair to say that Castlevania doesn’t have a story- Many of the games don’t have a distinct linear dialectical narrative the way a lot of modern games do, but they very much have a story. Why not try experiencing it?

In conclusion,

#Castlevania #I'm 100% sure I'm going to regret making this post very quickly but I need people to understand how fucking cool Castlevania is #I like thinking!! I like games that make me think! And I want people to stop being mean to Castlevania #Long post

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romanarose · 1 month

Note

Congrats again bb, and no pressure for this one if you’re overwhelmed but I think it’d be cute if we could pls see a scene (LaL) where one of them has like pre wedding jitters or something and how they deal with it

HI BABBYYYYYYYY

Jitters

Leather and Lace

Takes place after Take Your Time but before For the Longest Time. Before Laci and Santi go through their rough patch (which don't worry to anyone who read lal but not the others, they are totally okay.) Laci and Santi are engaged.

Warnings: Insecurity, references to Laci'spast sexual trauma, addiction, domestic violence, bad life before Santi. mentions of miscarriage and potential fertility troubles,

****************

Santi could always tell when Laci needed him. Always. Whether in person, away from each other, it didn't matter. Laci liked to say that's why he took the mission that lead him to her in the first place, he knew she needed him. Santi didn't believe in all that, but he did like that he had this intuition. Even when it woke him up.

"Ah!" Santi startles awake, eyes wide to find his pretty fiance staring at him. Lacina was propped up with her head on on her arm, just watching him, he Ghost Face night light illuminating her. "Jesus Lace, you scared me."

"Oh, so my face is scary, is it?" Laci teased with a smile.

"Nope, prettiest thing I've seen in my life" Santi pouted his lips.

Laci got the hint, leaning in to press a kiss to him.

"You aright, munaquita?"

She binked. "You really wanna marry me?"

Santi scoffed for a moment turning away to laugh, then he looked back. She was serious. "Laci, how can you ask that? We got engaged 2 weeks ago!" He pulled her onto his body. Laci was wearing shorts and a tank top with Santi's long sleeve from back in the jungle. Laci rested her head on her arms that she crossed ovr his chest. Santi liked when she laid on him, her body weight was a perfect comfort.

"No one's ever wanted to marry me before."

"That's because everyone stupid."

"What if I get bad again and we can't have sex"

"Lace, we've both made each other cum untouched."

"What if I can't have kids."

Santi's eyes widened at that. Not because having kids mattered more than her, but that she would suggest that. "Baby-"

"I might not! I miss carried when I was in-"

"Because they were starving and hurting you!"

"Well I lost my period for a year! Maybe I lost my chances!"

Santi pecked her cute little nose. "Doesn't matter. I drank so much back in the day, maybe I fucked shit up too."

"I don't think that's how it works."

"Don't matter. if we," Santi was sure to say we. He didn't want to place all the responsibility on her. "can't have kids, I still got you and that's what matters."

Laci's face scrunched up, thinking of all the reasons he may break up with her. "What if my body looks really weird after a baby"

"Then I'll love your weird body just as much as I love your body now." Which is a lot. He squeezed her ass for good measure.

"What if I go vegan"

"I'll eat meat at Frankie's house."

"What if I decide to get like, really into horoscopes. Like, a lot."

"I'll find my birth certificate and get you the exact time and place I was born."

"What if I wanna name our baby something really bad like... McBreighleigh"

Santi laughed, but answered. "Then in a few years you'll hear me yelling "Brin! It's time for pre-school"

"What if Yovanna comes back."

Oh.

Santi frowned. "Wha- Lace..." He tucked a lock of her fine hair behind her large ears. Where's that coming from?

She shrugged, looking away. "I dunno..."

"Laci..." Santi gently guided her face to him. "C'mon."

Laci sighed, but looked back at him. "Ben told me you talked to her the week you found me... Why didn't you tell me that..."

Ah. "Sweetheart... I didn't mean to keep it a secret... but we don't... we don't talk about our dating past..." They didn't. They each new the basics. Santi knew that every man she dated used her for money or sex or something to take their anger out on. She didn't like talk about her long history of addiction, sexual trauma and abuse with him. She had her therapist, and Santi was there any time she needed. He knew some stories, he knew the worst of things of course. He wanted to know so he could learn how to not trigger her. He didn't know her full history. If he wanted to, she could tell him. It didn't seem like she wanted too.

Likewise with Santi, Laci knew the basics. She knew she was the first serious girlfriend he'd ever had. He'd dated, even lived with women before, but it was all pretty casual. Yovanna was the first time things had gone deeper. Santi admitted yeah, he had loved her, but she wasn't Laci. After Colombia, Santi had visited her and her brother in Austrelia, a solice for a few weeks after the horrors... but Santi needed to be near his friends. Benny's drinking and fighting was becoming unmanageable for Will alone, and Jana had broken up with Frankie, leaving him a coparent, but with a raging coke addiction. Santi had to be there for him and for his daughter. The last time Yovanna and him had talked was a few days before he found Laci. She didn't want much contact, still fearing Lorea's men and all the drug lords whose money they burned.

"She was just checking in, Lace. She doesn't want me. I don't want her."

She was silent for a moment. "I don't get it."

"Get what?"

Laci sat up straddling his chest. She squished his cheeks. "How anyone could not want you." She was smiling now, and Santi was smiling back, squeezing her thighs.

"Miss Lacina, it doesn't matter if she did want me, I got you, mi chica perfecta, ella sol de mi dias, mi todos. I don't want anything else."

"Even a woman who looks like a super model with normal sized ears and doesn't drown in a 5" pool?"

"PPPSSSHHH" Santi scoffs. "Being tall is overrated. I got the prettiest girl in the world right here."

Laci grinned at that, hopping off him and scrambled back into bed. Getting under the covers, Laci nudges him onto his side and wraps and arm around him. becoming Santi's big spoon (or his lil backpack, as Santi called it.)

"You okay now, munequita?"

He felt her nod against his neck, then give him a kiss. "yeah. Can you just like, remind me you still love me and didn't secretly get tired of me every now and then?"

"Yeah, Miss Lacina." Santiago interlaced his fingers with hers. "I'll remind you every day."

*******************

Thank you guys!!!!

This is for my 2000 followers celebration, but ima tag a few people fron the original LaL days, some of you have been here with me since before 500 followers, a year and a half ago!

For those who didn't keep up with the other series, Laci and Laci are married now, and Laci is preggo with their son <3

@pimosworld @miraclesabound @poeedameronn @itspdameronthings @bensolosbluesaber @whatthefishh @kirstydreaming @missdictatorme

#romana's 2000 follower celebration #leather and lace #santi and laci #lal universe #santiago garcia #santiago pope garcia #triple frontier #lacina dumas

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klett161 · 7 months

Text

In this Blog post I‘ll try to clarify whats currently going on Between Israel, Hamas and the Civillian population of Palestine and analysing It because most people get absolutly misinformed by Corporate media Propaganda, so let‘s get into It.

Trigger warning for basically every kind of Violence and dehumanization

Also this blog is in parts extremely Cynical and some parts are ironic in making fun of dumb people having even dumber opinion’s marked in red

Also just a Trigger warning for bad spelling

First of all for all, for people who still need the Clarification: The Palestine state does NOT equal Hamas the Hamas is a fundamentalist Jihadist terror group which engages in Barbarism they are in fact not a Based anti Colonialist movement. The Hamas is only holding Power in the Area known as the Gaza strip and has done so since 2007, the territory of Palestine is much larger than the Gaza Strip but because of actuality reasons im mainly focusing on Gaza in this post.

Also the Israeli state is not and never has been representative of the entirety of Judaism or even a majority of It. Critique directet at the Israeli state thus is not critique against Judaism and not Anti semetic. Calling everyone Anti semectic is just an defense mechanism of the Isreali state being called out on It‘s crimes. But It is also Important to remember that Anti Semitism is a real thing and Jews are disproportionately targets of hate crimes. Also disproportionately the targets of hate crimes are Muslims or just Arabic looking people. I can‘t believe I still have to say this but: No muslim peacefully practicing their Religion (wich is as in every Religion an Overwhelming majority) is at any kind of fault for what some deranged facistoide Terror group does.

So lets start of:

Although it is true that the renewed hostility’s of the last day’s were started of by the Horrific attacks of the Hamas it is all to often not at all or just as a side note mentioned that Israel has been Bombing the Gaza strip more or less consistently for years and years claiming to target underground tunnels or Hospitals in whom of course Hamas had weapon deposits or Rockets or whatever and that every Civillian casualty was just „Colleteral damage“. It‘s just a very convenient coincidence for Israel that those people who It want‘s exterminated from it‘s state anyway die in these bombings. But also part of the truth is everyone knows what has been going on in Gaza the last years but the media mentioned it maybe once every few months so It couldn‘t be that bad right? The truth is people and Goverments in the West just didn‘t give a fuck because there were far worse problems like, like the Economic growth going down by 0.5% My God how terrible! Western Goverments more or less directly enabled the ongoing Genocide with their outspoken support, full solidarity and weapon sells and funds for the Israeli state.

Now Religious fundamentalist terrorist cells like Hamas don‘t just happen, they require a breeding ground of despair and material insecurity which is undeniably the case in the Gaza strip. But in the case of Hamas it would have probably never had a chance to gain dominance over the Fatah If it would not have been funded by the Israeli state, no that‘s not a weird conspiracy it was literally admitted by several former state officials. So now you could just say that the Israeli state harmed itself by funding and building up Hamas but the existence of Hamas really is the best thing that could have happend to the Goverment of Israel, for now they have an enemy who’s violent and barbaric actions mirror those they commit(altough on a much smaller scale) thus (In the eyes of the Public) justifying even more violence against the Civillian population of Palestine and Gaza specifically. For Hamas it is the same thing, If it were not for the genocidal actions of Israel they couldn‘t legitimize their existence they couldn‘t legitimize their heinous crimes. So you could say that on both sides facist goverments of some kind are profiting of off fighting with eachother, you can really see that for the leaders of Hamas it is not an anti colonial fight by the fact that most of them are sitting around in Qatar. The losers on both sides being the Civillian population altough it has to be said that the Palestinian civillians have suffered and will suffer far more because the Conflict mostly takes place in their country not on the land controlled by Israel. So as much as Israeli state officials will in every statement say how much they hate the war and how shocked they are about Hamas killing Civillians (by which they of course mean white Isrealis or foreigners, Arabs don‘t count) so far it has been a best case scenario for them because it helps them to facilitate their power further and seemingly justifys them in their new colonial expansion more than ever backed by the public in Western countries and their own population.

As angry as all this shit may make you it is always important to remember to not fall in generalizations and blaming of entire group’s. Not all of the Israeli citizens are responsible for what their state does and no Palestinian civillian is at fault for what Hamas did, despite a lot of media reports claiming thats the case alla „Yea but they had ONE single election in 2007 where people choose the Hamas over Fatah (mind you this just happend because of Israeli funding) so they should be held responsible for everything happening since“ by the way more than half of the population in Gaza wasn‘t even of age and didn‘t have the right to Vote back then. But even If we ignored that the Election did just turn out the way It did because of Israel you would have to ask yourself why didn‘t the Israeli citizens who had FIVE elections since 2019 alone Vote differently or is this whole thing maybe not about Voter liability at all and just a way to dehumanize and legitimze the killing of Palestinians by letting people think that Hamas has the full and absolut support of the people? (But the Media surely wouldn‘t do this)

But not only is this claim widely accepted but people defending Israel also double down on it and are saying that „If they don‘t support the actions of their Government they could just overthrow it“ I don‘t even know where to start with this, first of all It’s actually not that easy to overthrow an Authoritarian Government which has the backing of the majority of regional powers and is armed to the teeth but even If we pretended like overthrowing the Government was an easy thing to do we could raise funny little questions such as: Why the fuck didn‘t Israel just overthrow their Goverment which is responsible for all of this in the first place? Or: Why didn‘t people in the USA just overthrow their Goverment when it Invaded Iraq or Vietnam which isn‘t even comaprabel because those thing lead to MILLIONS of dead people not a few thousand. But yeah I guess this standard just applies for people in Gaza and not for white people in the western World. Ok ok but let‘s say the people of Gaza overthrow Hamas and have a super duper Democratic state much more democratic than Israel and with more Human rights, do you really think Israel would give a fuck, the only thing that would realistically chance is that it would just be a little bit harder for Israel to justify their war crimes infront of the generall public but Israel has time and time again proven they don‘t care about condemnation of their war crimes and settler policy which basically go hand in hand. There are basically an infinite amount of times Israel has been condemned by the Un, it didn’t change anything. Israel didn‘t start Bombing and expelling because terrorists exist, terrorists exist because Israel started Bombing and expelling.

Other ridiculous claims to legitimise Israel are:

„BUT QuEEr pEOplE aRe LiTerALlY KiLeD IN GaZa“ ok and how is Israel (which itself does discriminate LGBTQ+ people) helping the situation by funding terror groups and Bombing and entire Region in to the Stoneage? Or could it be that you really don‘t give a fuck about Queer rights and just wan‘t to, again dehumanize and legitimize the Killing of Palestinian people in the Gaza.

And:

„But Jewish people lived their for longer they were just expelled by the Romans and only after that Arabs settled there“ ok and now what? Throughout history so many ethnic groups lived on so many different pieces of Land If you go by this principle you’d have to give the biggest part of Anatolia to greece because „Greek“ (in caption because back then ethnicity’s were much less uniformly defined compared to today) people were there before „Turks“ arrived from the middle of Asia and todays Xinjiang region so some of these regions you’d then have to give to Turkey and so on and so on I think you get the point. Also it is pretty similar to the Justification Russia used to kick of the Invasion of Ukraine.

I also wan‘t to Note that you may not have heard all of the listed points people use to defend Israel and probably heard some others I didn‘t, thats fine Im not determined to break down every single shitty Argument people try to justify the ongoing genocide with because it has the same pattern as pretty much all arguments trying to defend Facism. They throw so much shitty arguments at you faster than its possible to disprove them so that at the end something will stick. Of course they don‘t really believe in all of them, for example a lot of American evangelicals believe that Jews have to controll the Holy Land for the great rapture to happen in that all the Jews will be killed and only true Christian believers (they mean themselves of course) will get into Heaven but they know fully well how Antisemetic and badshit insane this sounds so they just use above mentioned Arguments.

Another point I wan‘t to talk about is the Media reporting and Hegemony of discourse which is of course highly dependent on the way the media reports. To make my point I just quickly wan‘t to break down some of the ways news shows like to frame the situation and what implicit Bias they carry. One very easy thing to do is just strait up ignoring things that happen to Palestinians and don‘t mention it at all or when they try not to be super obvious or to avoid allegations of biased reporting they mention like one minute that several hundred or thousand people died in an hospital explosion in Gaza and then talk several minutes about the Hostages taken by Hamas and their Family’s and the jobs and dreams these people had, first of all this leaves the audience in the assumption that because the segment talking about the Hostages was longer this topic is more relevant and second giving the people a real impression of how much a Human life is worth because every individual person has dreams hope etc. but when it‘s Palestinians that are targeted they just talk about numbers thus a large part of the Sympathy victim’s of Hamas (You know one dead man is a tragedy a million dad men are a Statistic) receive is not perceived for the Palestinians. Also as I write this, it isn‘t confirmed who blew up the Hospital but the assumption that it was the IDF which has been blowing up Hospitals multiple times to date and is currently Bombing more than ever before is likely to be true, so what does the news segment give us, it gives us only the assumption of the IDF which is of course saying that it was Hamas and leaving it with that, I don‘t think i need to break down how letting only one side talk about their perspective is manipulative. Also most media really likes to talk about how Israel is „fighting back“ so just narrowly focusing on what happend since the attack of Hamas a few days ago and leaving out years of Bombing, illegal settlements, killing of peacfull protestors and sieging of Gaza as a whole. So if you have the whole pretext you could also say Hamas fought back against Israel (which wouldn‘t be very helpful since AGAIN what they did is unjustifiabble) that would be much closer to the truth. Or a reporting of the BBC that I reposted a few days ago talking about Israelis who have been killed and Palestinians who have died in the conflict, implying that behind every Israeli death was an deliberate effort and Palestinians just so happend to die.

Who‘s having total Hegemony over discourse get‘s really clear if you talk about this conflict in literally any way that isn‘t directly what the Israeli state says, you are constantly asked to clarify that you are not apologizing Hamas, you point out the history of the conflict? Your justifiyng terror. You are saying that the IDF shouldn‘t kill civilians? Yeah but could you please distance yourself from Hamas? You are saying that Israel doesn’t have any right to exterminate Palestinians and ethnically cleanse their country? You are literally an Anti semite and clearly just trying to justify Hamas. And yes even in this Blog I have to condemn Hamas multiple times and will probably still be called Anti semitic, If public discourse would be sane people couldn‘t just say that they are in Solidarity with Israel and not point out that they condemn the ongoing Genocide and it would be Impossible for a Politician to say that Israels actions are appropriate. But in the world we live in it is not just basically Impossible for Politicians to say that they stay with Palestine but any position other than full and unconditional support for Israel is critically looked upon and you can probably hear a Voice in the backround of a press conference, asking: „so you publicly embrace Hamas?“. That about summs up the state of discourse at least in my and many other western countries and most online spaces, which are really dominated by western countries.

It all really is just the result of:

1. A new far right stronger than ever in western countries and bringing with them an environment in whom It‘s okay to talk shit about „foreigners“ (meant are of Course the scarry brown people not other whites even when they come from the other end of the world) and Muslims just for practicing their religion and using them as Scapegoats for everything bad happening. If you learned anything from History (which seems Increasingly uncommon) you probably heard of a group being treated in a similar way before. Of course some factors differ because History doesn‘t just repeat and I am definitely not saying that Gaza is literally a Concentration camp, but does It have to become that obvious for people to finally see that this is in fact an ongoing Genocide? Out of the Blue a something of the likes happening in Gaza would be unthinkable but if you have years and years of normalization of the mistreatment of Arabs and specifically Palestinians and Muslims and seeing people first of all always as members of a certain group(again only applies for Muslims or Arabs) is it really that surprising that we have reached a point were people can openly talk about having no sympathy for the Civillian victims in Gaza without lossing their teeth? (which of course I wouldn‘t suggest to do because muh violence bad)Also it should be noted that killing and smoothering Victims of war trying to escape the horrors has become a Normal part of EU border enforcement it is in fact so normalized no one ever talks about it, it is just accepted that people are going to die when they try to come here, they probably should have used a better Boat or something like that.

2. The deliberate effort of the Israeli state to blame all people living in Gaza for what Hamas did and cleverly using their Status as a Jewish state to smear everyone not supporting their genocide as a Nazi and Anti semite, going so far as to say that Palestine is the reason the Holocaust happend, thus proving that they really don‘t give a fuck about the History of Jewish suffering.

In the end I can say nothing but stay Informed by independent sources for example Indymedia, listen to the Victims and don‘t ever believe the Israeli state. Also stay aware of the fact that basically all media is owned and operated by some Billion dollar Conglomerate most of them don’t care about the truth but about you thinking what they want you to think. For everyone interested in the details of why media is so dishonest and biased just go read Manufacturing consent by Noam Chomsky or look at an summary of lt. And take everything you hear with a pinch of Salt.

How Israel helped to create Hamas: https://theintercept.com/2018/02/19/hamas-israel-palestine-conflict/

#leftism #socialism #anarchism #leftist #anti facist #palestine #gaza #its not our media #its their media #media #fuck israel #israel #genocide #gaza genocide #racisim

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80pairsofcrocs · 2 years

Text

baby scarab || 29

anon - reader giving steven little pats? he deserves them 😌💕 doing late night legos with him? LETTING HIM HOLD ONE OF THE PLUSHIES WHILE THEY TAKE A NAP TOGETHER?? 😩😩😩

~~~

anon - Hey!! By any chance do you think you could have the boys comforting reader with a stomach migrane(basically really bad stomach pain that nothing really helps it and often can throw up wether from pain or just nausea) I have one and its prob gonna last a few days lol T-T

Feel free to deny or ignore this, no pressure what do ever!! :D

~~~

anon - Love your baby scarab series!! Idk if Y/N gets sick anymore bc of the spider bite but it would be fun to imagine the boys freaking out when Y/N has a fever and is delirious lol

~~~

A/N : funky time

masterlist - marvel masterlist - series masterlist

A/N : busy busy chapter. never be afraid to leave requests!! and dont worry if you dont see yours for a while, if i havent answered it, that means im working on it.

please enjoy, and don't be shy if you want to be in the taglist, just ask <3, sorry for the long wait

playlist

pairings : steven grant x (platonic)reader, marc spector x (platonic) reader, khonshu x (platonic)reader, jake lockley x (platonic)reader

TW : medicine (pills), language, spidey stuff, sickness, mentions of violence. let me know if i missed anything

~~~

you and steven were cleaning up from dinner, you and the guys haven’t talked more about why you distanced yourself for a couple days.

and like everyone has said, they understood.

you were drying the dishes while steven washed them.

“so what’s in the bag?” marc asks you, and you turn to face him in the window.

“just something i picked up” you respond, feeling embarrassed all of a sudden.

“it’s dumb so don’t worry about it” you say quickly and set a now dry plate down to reach over to the next one.

“i’m sure it’s not” marc starts. “but you don’t have to show us if you don’t want to” he finishes and you smile to yourself.

it’s quiet for about a minute until jake speaks up. “so are you dating ese niño?” he asks and you cringe.

“no- maybe- i don’t know” you stutter, and jake chuckles.

“but you want to”

you don’t say anything, while you angrily dry the dishes.

“stop making that face, he’s just being a dick” marc tells you and you chuckle.

“still a hypocrite” you respond, earning a scoff from marc.

~~~

after finishing the dishes, you and steven were on the couch watching your favorite show while he asked you what was happening every five seconds.

it amazed you how dumb he could be sometimes.

only with non boomer things though, he was really smart otherwise.

you all had been so engaged in just watching tv, that you didn’t even notice khonshu perched on the top of the couch also watching.

you suddenly felt light headed, and sat up completely compared to being leaned up against steven, him looking to you in worry.

“you alright?” he asks, marc and jake suddenly focusing on you too.

“yeah.. i just feel weird all of a sudden” you say, and you take a few deep breaths before getting the chills.

you shiver and steven sits up properly so that he could try and figure out what was wrong.

“my head feels weird” you mutter, steven getting up to get you some medicine.

“i’ll be right back” he tells you right before he leaves.

you just feel out of place right now, for some reason.

like your body is trying to decide wether you’re sick or not.

you feel kind of sick, but not sick at all at the same time, frankly it was confusing.

steven came back with medicine and a thermometer, while you just stared at him with squinted eyes.

“why’s it so bright in here?“ you ask him, your own voice sounding loud in your ears.

“it’s.. not?” he starts, handing you the thermometer.

“under your tongue” he reminds you and you stick it in your mouth, under your tongue like steven told you.

you both waited for a couple minutes before you got bored and yanked it out of your mouth, seeing your temperature to be 104.7.

“oh shit i’m dead” you go completely limp, falling onto steven.

“wait wait wait- what?” he asks confused, taking the thermometer from you and panicking once he saw it.

“holy mother of god, are you okay?” he feels your head, it being way hotter than usual.

“fuck” he mutters and you gasp dramatically, sitting back up.

“steven said a no no word” you look to marc and jake who were eyeing you weirdly.

“guys- did you hear it?” you ask both of them and they nod with small smiles.

“yeah.. we heard it” marc mumbles and you start laughing.

“what just happened? did she take drugs?” steven asks, looking at your eyes for any sign of drug use.

“no, we would’ve noticed sooner” jake says.

“maybe it’s the spider bite” khonshu pipes up, making everyone look to him.

“it would make sense that it would protect her from sickness” he starts. “but she would still feel tired” he elaborates and steven nods.

“that makes sense, yeah?” he asks jake and marc, who both shrug.

you were still sitting up, squinting at the ceiling. “do you think khonshu has ever pecked somebody’s eyes out?” you ask steven, turning to face him.

“like in the birds?” you clarify and he looks at khonshu who was nodding.

“no- no he hasn’t” he shakes his head.

khonshu bangs his stick on the ground out of anger while you reach your hand out for the medicine steven brought you.

he opens the bottle and puts two pills in your hand, and shoves a bottle of water into your lap.

you scoff and open the water, sticking the pills in your mouth and swallowing them.

“i feel like i got hit by a car again” you mutter, steven looking to you in a panic.

“wait- again?!” he asks, and you nod, lifting up your shirt do that you could show him where the bruises were- since they were already healed.

“i got hit righttttt, here” you point to your ribs and put your shirt back down, ignoring the look that marc was giving you.

“and when was this?” marc says in his interrogator voice.

“ay ay ay..” jake shakes his head.

“it was when i stopped the robbers” you tell him excitedly.

“they reversed their car and then i got hit. nobody got it on camera though” you sigh disappointedly.

“good thing they didn’t otherwise you guys would’ve found out” you sigh.

the three of them just stare at you like you’re crazy.

“okay- but how did you not get some kind of infection?” marc asks and you hum in thought.

“my guy in the chair” you answer, earning a groan from marc.

“and who is your guy in the chair?”

“casper”

“of fucking course it’s casper”

“hey- everybody just chill the ‘f’ out” steven starts. “she’s fine now, just clearly not right in the head at the moment”

“i’m never right in the head” you glare at the floor.

“yes you are” steven says quickly and you smile to yourself.

“it’s almost just like she was when she was sick last time, we can handle it” steven says.

“but this time we have to make sure that khonshu doesn’t tell her she’s going to lay eggs” marc scoffs.

“yeah, she woke up later that night crying because she was seriously convinced she was going to lay eggs” steven replies, marc nodding along.

“i’m not fucking stupid, i know i don’t lay eggs” you speak up, and steven gives you a look.

“watch your language” steven murmurs, but you still hear it.

you just smile innocently at him and take a breath.

“shh” you shush him, and he scoffs. “you’re so loud” you cover your ears.

“do you think her abilities are acting up?” steven asks marc and jake.

“probably” “si” they both answer at the same time.

“y/n, darling” steven starts. “how can i help you?” he says in a quiet voice, as to not hurt you further.

you still heard him perfectly even though your hands are covering your ears.

“do i still have pop tarts here?” you ask and steven nods.

“can you please get some?” you ask again an get another nod.

steven gets up to get you pop tarts while your hearing calms down, not expecting what was next.

you sniff and smell marshmallows as steven gets back.

“thank you- and do you happen to have marshmallows here?” you question and steven shakes his head.

“i can smell marshmallows” you clarify, and marc makes a face.

“what? but we don’t even have any marshmallows here” he tells you and you shake your head.

“i know but they’re coming from-“ you look to khonshu.

“i knew you ate them” you tell the tall bird, and he shrugs.

“no i didn’t” he denies it and you wave him off.

“dude you literally smell like them” you start. “and that’s a compliment because you usually smell like a corpse” you chuckle to yourself while marc laughs at the insult.

“shut it, tiny spector” he grits out at you and you just laugh harder.

“yo, i can smell sand too” you notice and you see all three of the guys giving you weird looks.

“you can actually smell sand?” marc asks and you nod.

“there’s probably still some under the worms bed” jake suggests and steven scoffs.

you sit there for a minute while your sense of smell goes back down to its new normal, wonders which sense would be heightened next.

you rip open your bag of pop tarts, almost sending them flying across the room.

“god damnit” you mutter, steven chuckling at you.

“i will hit you” you threaten, angrily eating the pop tart.

“ooh so scary” marc says from the mirror on the coffee table.

you glare at him and flip him off before rolling your eyes.

“what would you like for supper tonight?” steven changes the subject.

you think about it for a second while chewing on your pop tart.

“‘m not hungry” you say, while taking another bite of your snack.

“you are literally eating a pop tart right now” marc points out and you shake your head.

“but after that im not hungry” you say.

“well, dinner is in a few hours so what do you want” jake cuts in and you hum in thought again.

“i know what she wants” jake says with a small smirk.

you look at him curiously as marc gives him a warning look.

“she wants casper, isn’t it obvious?” he chuckles and you gasp dramatically.

“why are you like this?” you ask, and jake snickers at you.

“you’re too easy”

“am not”

“are too”

“no-“

“you both need to shut up” marc says, and you glare and jake, to which he glares right back.

you just huff and look away from everyone, closing your eyes while you chew on your pop tart.

“why do you think nobody adopted me?” you ask suddenly, surprising even yourself with the sudden question.

“i mean i was in foster homes almost all my life, so how come nobody wanted me?” you expand the question.

“maybe they knew that we’d want you” marc speaks up, surprising you.

“they were idiots, but we’re glad you didn’t get adopted. if that sounds right, you know what i mean” he explains further and you snort.

“i didn’t think i was that bad as a kid” you tell them.

“you’re still a kid” marc reminds you and you scoff.

“am not”

“are too”

“am not”

“are too-“

“shut up, knobhead” steven directs it at marc and you chuckle.

“yeah shut up” you add on.

“you too, y/n” steven adds even further and you make a face.

you lean back into the couch and pull your knees to your chest, resting your chin on top of one of them.

“are you cold?” steven asks and you nod, feeling him get up off the couch and shuffle stuff around in his closet.

you bring your head up when stevens back with one of his barely used sweaters in his arms.

“would you like to use this?” he asks and you nod, making grabby hands towards it.

steven chuckles and tosses it onto you, so that completely passed your hands and lands on your head.

you yank it off you and pat down your hair, it being a bit static-y.

steven comes and sits back down next to you, while you slide the sweater over your head.

once it was completely on, you leaned to the side so that your head was on stevens shoulder.

“is the medicine helping?” he asks you and you nod.

“that’s good” he says to himself. “are you tired?” another nod.

“get back to sleep, kid” marc speaks up, and you nod again tiredly, letting steven move you so that your laying your head in his lap.

marc and jake just observe as steven runs his fingers lightly through your hair, while you work on trying to fall asleep.

which happens pretty quick because of the medicine and the calming sensation of steven playing with your hair.

you were also very comfortable at the moment. stevens sweater was fairly large compared to your own, which was comforting since it felt like they were all just hugging you as you lay there.

“i’m glad she’s back” jake says almost right after you were asleep.

he could tell you were asleep by the way your breathing slowed and you unconsciously leaned deeper into steven, and also clutching his sweater in your hands.

“yeah, we are too” marc speaks for himself and steven.

~~~

steven didn’t mind letting you sleep on him for the hour that you did.

he found it calming after you’d been away for a while.

you eventually stirred awake, right around the time steven would make dinner.

although the three had switched a couple times to be closer to you, steven ended up being the one fronting when you woke up.

“feel better?” jake asks and you groggily nod as you sit up, now leaning against stevens arm.

he chuckles and taps your shoulder the best he can.

“you have to get up darling, i have to make supper” he tells you and you nod, sitting up completely and taking in a few deep breaths.

“i’ve decided that i’ll just make your favorite for you. as a ‘welcome back’” you both chuckle at his statement.

“if you want, you can set the table when you wake up completely” he tells you and you nod, and stretch as he gets up and goes to the kitchen.

~~~

you did end up setting the table, after you completely woke up of course.

you were both eating dinner now, just chatting about whatever.

“so who kissed first, you or casper?” steven asks calmly and you almost choke on your food.

“i’m not answering that” you say, taking a sip of your juice that steven had for you in his fridge.

“aw come on” he teases. “it’s cute”

“no it’s not” you cough, trying to get him to drop it.

“okay fine” he says and you let out a sigh of relief.

“thank god” you hear marc groan, making you chuckle.

“why do you even want to know so bad?” you ask out of genuine curiosity.

“because he’s a lip virgin, so he’s curious about what it’s like” marc answers for him and steven gives him an offended look.

“hey- i’m not.. i’m not a lip virgin” he cringes while you try your best to ignore both of them.

“yes you are”

steven stays quiet after that, deciding not to fuel the fire.

you’re surprised you hadn’t lost your appetite.

~~~

the night went by fast, you and steven cleaned up and now you were on the verge of passing out again, this time scrolling on tik tok while laying with steven in the bed.

“if you’re tired, you should turn that off” he advises and you reluctantly do as he said, tossing the phone to the ceiling and sticking it there with webs.

“don’t worry, it won’t fall” you say tiredly, while steven eyes it wearily.

“if you say so” he mutters, bringing you closer to him.

you wrap an arm around stevens chest, while your head rested in between his chin and his collarbone, and it was still comfortable for both of you.

“goodnight, kid” marc says and you just hum, already almost asleep again.

the three guys just engage in quiet conversation as well, until they all got tired too.

it was almost 11 when you fell asleep, and almost 12 when they did.

and you all stayed asleep, right?

~~~

wrong.

you woke up at two in the morning because you were bored.

well, that and your stomach hurt really bad. like someone was stabbing you.

you looked at web md on stevens phone and diagnosed yourself with stomach cramps.

so you carefully peeled yourself off steven to go get your bag that was discarded on the floor.

you reached into it and grabbed the legos you bought, the original purpose being a peace offering.

but now you were bored and awake so why not just build it on the coffee table.

and it would’ve all gone according to plan if steven hadn’t woken up.

“what on gods green earth are you doing?” he asks quietly, yet you still jump.

you stare at him for a second. “legos” is what you answer with and steven sits next you on the floor.

you were in a special position on the floor, for it made the nausea go away.

he picks up the box, and squints at the words to read it correctly.

“death star, huh?” he asks and you nod.

“3,803 pieces” you smile at him while he smiles back and gets up to get his glasses.

you know, because he’s a senior citizen.

he sits back down next to you, and you slide over the instructions, which were already about a third of the way done, so that he could see them.

“how’d you get this done so fast- how long have you been up?” he asks concerned.

you sheepishly smile at him and click more pieces into place.

“like a half hour” you say and he gives you a look from over the edge of his glasses.

“you need sleep” he tells you.

“so do you, grandpa” you deadpan and he smacks you in the arm lightly.

“what happened to you calling us ‘dad’?” he asks and you stop building the legos for a moment.

you don’t answer and just keep building them.

“don’t be embarrassed” steven continues and you sigh.

“i just.. i do see you guys as.. as my dads but it just- i’m not ready yet” you explain the best you can.

“that’s alright” steven assures you and you smile.

“you said ‘yet’, so that’s all that matters” he chuckles and you so the same.

steven debated on asking you a certain question, but decided against it to give you more time.

you guys built a lego death star until a bit past three in the morning.

you went back to bed after you were done, and slept in of course, but you couldn’t have been happier.

your weird sickness came and went as it pleased, certain abilities dialing up to more than eleven at certain moments.

but it was fine, because you had steven, jake, and marc.

and sometimes khonshu.

your dads and your angry grandpa.

your family.

~~~

A/N : almost to 30 chapters!!! thank you all for your support, you guys are lovely.

dont be afraid to leave requests!! see you in two days :) <3

taglist ---

@alexloveskili @ihatemyselfmorethanmydepression @thebiggestsimpshrimp @guyinachair27 @astrobuzzsstuff @mooonlight-and-stars @moonlighting87 @mateihavenoidea @inactive-things @alondrashultz @femalemarvelself @queenthorin1 @haileymorelikestupid @jvdethirlwall @justtiredandvibing @winterfrostsarmy @themapoftinyperfectthings @littlebird101 @atzlena @httpslinow @arrowurboat @m-brekker @lifeandbandmembers-blog @adamcarlsenslvr @violet-19999 @seninjakitey @bestgirlpip @panic-in-the-multiverse @in-between-the-cafes @branolagar @bl6o6dy @annoyingmarvelreader @bee-a-cool-kid @buzzitsbeee @wintergirlsoilder2 @crow-carcass @you-bloody-shank @distinguishedmakerpandapatrol @magnificentcreatorpenguin @50shadesofcrocs @rayrlupin @kingshitonly @brekkers-desigirl @hutaos-gh0st @kayane28

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alotofteez · 1 year

Text

Sphallolalia | Part 8

Series: ⇢ Pairing: San x fem!Reader ⇢ Genre: flirty af fluff, hints of angst, suggestive, kinda smutty, older reader (noona) ⇢ Synopsis: As your best friend’s maid of honor, you must endure the shameless best man’s flirting until after the wedding. It’s just sphallolalia… right?

Part 8: Life of the Party - Moodboard ⇢ Genre: fluff, angst, suggestive, & slightly smutty ⇢ Warnings: Language, adult themes, sexual content, mentions of violence (non-descriptive), blood & wound, alcohol consumption ⇢ Word Count: 10,316

Masterlist, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9

taglist: @joongiebug (url doesn’t exist), @simluvbot , @kimtae-bae (can’t be tagged?), @justsayk , @sunsethw4 , @baguette-atiny , @youre-a-wallflower-charlie , @knisterlicht, @nevieatiny, @laylasbunbunny

Life feels stale over the next few days that you don’t see San. Only occasionally does it brighten when he texts you something stupid like a meme or a guess of one of your kinks. But what really lifts your mood is when he randomly checked in on you, asking how you were. It was only once, but it still made your heart flutter.

The two of you never really texted each other before the engagement. You weren’t close in any way, shape, or form. This new territory feels comfortable yet risky. If Mina found out… you don’t even know how she would react, and a part of you doesn’t really want to know. Additionally, you don’t know if San would stop if she did. You enjoy this new side of him. When he’s not hitting on you, he’s funny, kind, and caring, things you never would have described him as.

Most importantly, since your midnight excursion, San and Mingi have made up with San being reinstated as the best man. You don’t bother him about it because Mina has grilled him enough, using it as leverage when she wants him to do something. That is probably why you find Mingi and San waiting with Mina and Yoojung outside this craft store on the morning of the bachelor and bachelorette parties. The corners of San’s lips curve up when he sees you walking to the entrance.

Unfortunately, this is the only time Yoojung can assist in shopping for decoration supplies. Mina wants the wedding party to be more involved in the decisions therefore she sends you, San, and Yoojung to pick out vases for the centerpieces. You don’t know how much San will be of help, but Yoojung has a keen eye for decorating.

When Mina and Yoojung were getting ready to leave for college, Mina basically had Yoojung pick out everything for her dorm room. It did turn out cute and cozy, kind of like an old Tumblr aesthetic that you remember fondly from high school. Then Yoojung ended up getting her degree in interior design, therefore a lot of faith is placed in Yoojung.

“Hang on. I want to look at these real quick,” Yoojung says, stopping for small gold decorative bowls, “These would match some stuff in my living room.”

San distracts himself with the items on the opposite shelves, picking up random vases and bowls.

“Aren’t there mint accents in some of the wedding decorations?” He asks you as he sets a vase back down.

Your eyes stray to the decoration he just held, and you point out, “No, but that’s teal, not mint.”

“It’s definitely mint,” he argues back.

“Mint is lighter than that.”

“No, it’s not.”

“San, the bottom layer of your hair is teal, and it almost matches that vase,” you say, gesturing to his head.

“My hair is blue. That’s mint.”

“Why are you arguing with me over this? This is irrelevant. Mina doesn’t even want ceramic vases.”

As you bicker with him, his arm swings back, accidentally grazing Yoojung’s butt. It makes her jolt and turn around. He sputters out apologies when their eyes meet.

“Buy me dinner first,” she laughs it off.

Hearing her nonchalance, the blush on his cheeks fades, and you watch him switch on his charm. He leans against the shelf in front of her with a small yet cocky grin.

“Where you wanna go?”

Yoojung is momentarily speechless before laughing even harder, “That was too smooth.”

As she takes a few bowls from the shelf, San glances at you with a satisfied smirk that you want to rip off his face.

“It’s teal,” you finish your quarrel and continue down the aisle to the clear glass vases.

Yoojung quietly corroborates what you said to San while they trail behind, and he just sighs defeatedly.

You browse through the many glass vases trying to find the perfect size. After finishing Mina’s bouquet, Mina gave you a rough idea of how big the bridesmaids’ would be. To save a little bit of money, the bridesmaids’ bouquets will be used as centerpieces for the reception tables reserved for the bridesmaids, groomsmen, and family. The rest of the tables will have slightly smaller versions, which means the vases need to accommodate the different sizes while still looking like a matching set.

The air is wordless until Yoojung finds tall, subtly-detailed clear vases in varying sizes that would look nice with sheer, blush ribbon tied around the neck. The bouquets of beige carnations, pale coral quince, chocolate cosmos, and silver brunia berries would stand out beautifully in the vases full of glass shard rocks and small string lights.

“What do you think?” Yoojung glances back at San, who is standing behind you with his arms crossed.

He shrugs his shoulders, “I don’t know anything about decorating, so I guess those are good.”

“Cool, I’ll take that as an agreement. Now help us carry these.” She replies and strategically places the five larger vases in San’s arms before the two of you split the nine smaller vases to carry with you taking the extra one, “Be very careful. Mina is on edge today, and I’m not mentally prepared for her to blow up on us.”

The three of you begin cautiously walking toward the flower section where Mina and Mingi should be.

Yoojung decides to strike up a conversation with San on the slow walk, “Do you know a girl named Gahyeon?”

The name seems to ring a bell in his brain as his eyes slightly widen.

“Why?” He counters.

“She’s my friend. I showed her a picture of all of us from the engagement party, and she recognized you.”

He sighs, clearly remembering her, “What’s my Yelp rating?”

“Based on her response from seeing you, it must be pretty high.”

Yoojung walks ahead of you as San peers over at you with a smirk. His ego, at this point, is bigger than this fucking city. Of course, he has hooked up with her, and of course, it was good. You fight the urge to roll your eyes.

“I take reservations, and only for you am I free at any time,” he winks.

“Don’t get a big head over it, though. Gahyeon’s easy to entertain,” Yoojung says over her shoulder, and you can’t help but guffaw. Still, that is rather tamed compared to the maniacal laughter you want to let out. Finally, someone else is here to knock him down a few pegs.

But, unluckily for you, your laugh was enough movement for one of the vases to slide lower against your body. Karma is most certainly a bitch.

“San, one is slipping,” you inform him in panic.

“Hang on,” he says cueing you to stop in your tracks, but before he can do anything to help, the vase falls out of your arms and shatters on the linoleum floor. His eyes catch yours tearing up. You are about to be crucified.

Mina is summoned from the aisle Yoojung turned on, voice underlined with annoyance, “What happened?”

“I tried to carry too many,” San falsely admits.

Without another word, Mina scolds him for it, and he just takes it. Yoojung creeps up behind her with the basket full of flowers, ribbons, and fabrics, and her brows furrow noticing which vase was dropped but doesn’t say anything. You place the surviving vases in the basket.

Within moments of the drop, an employee approaches with a broom and dustpan and immediately starts sweeping the glass up. San apologizes to them repeatedly and promises to pay for the vase. When you get a chance alone, you will insist that you pay. You feel bad that it happened because you laughed at his expense.

Once the scene is cleared, Mina guides you across the store to another aisle for the next things to grab, which are tape, glue, and florist wire. San breaks away from the group to retrieve a replacement vase. It doesn’t take long to find the supplies, and that marks the end of the shopping adventure. The other girls and you double-check that you got all the materials you came here for. As Mina counts the flowers, she realizes there aren’t enough in the basket.

“We grabbed all of the cream carnations that were out. Do you think they would have more in the back?”

“That might be all of them. There would have been more out, right?” Yoojung shrugs.

Mina, unsatisfied by Yoojung’s response, whips out her phone and goes to the store’s website. In the midst of the frenzy, San returns with a vase.

“It says online that they have ten in stock, and we have nine. Can you and San go check that aisle again, in case it was misplaced? I’m going to ask an employee to check in the back,” Mina directs to you.

You nod and make sure San follows you to the back of the store again.

“We’ll be over in the ribbons section. I forgot something!” Mina calls after the two of you.

Once out of sight, you glance over at San.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know,” you say softly, and he knows what you’re referring to.

“It’s okay. I’m used to her yelling at me.”

“Why did you take the blame?”

“I didn’t want her to be mad at you.”

You’re momentarily speechless before mumbling, “Thank you.”

The flower aisle is organized chaos. While the mess is contained to the shelves, flowers are misplaced everywhere. For a few seconds, it’s silent, allowing you to focus on the task at hand. Until you hear a couple on the next aisle talking, clearly in their own little world.

“Try it. It’s just strawberry,” the girl says.

“I don’t like smoothies,” the guy resists.

“Just taste it. It’s really good.”

“I’d rather taste it off your lips.”

It goes quiet before you hear the light smacking of spit, and you cringe. They’re in the middle of a store; have some decency. Maybe you’re just jealous you aren’t getting tongued down in a crafts store.

“That could be us, but you playin’.”

“If you so much as think about touching me, I’ll kill you,” you warn.

“You’re not killing me right now.”

The subtleness of his flirtation sends the warmth in your cheeks down to your core. The insane side of you wants to ask how he thinks about touching you. Is it playful? Casual? Intimate? Sexual? It takes several internal shouts to get your mind back on track because he could just be kidding.

You scoff and continue your search. Yet digging deeper into the giant mess of flowery shelves doesn’t distract you from falling into thoughts of San and all the ways you want him to touch you. But at least you’re being productive whilst doing so.

“Why are you just standing there? What the fuck are you doing?” You snap when you notice him leaning against the opposite shelves out of the corner of your eye.

A smirk tugs at his lips before he replies, “Respectfully checking you out.”

“‘Respectfully’ my ass.”

“That’s exactly where I was looking.”

“Help me find the flowers,” you deadpan.

“Do you think of me?” He lowly asks with that stupid smirk still on his face, and you know exactly what he’s hinting at. The absolute cocky way he asks makes you want to throat-punch him. There are far more important things to be pondering right now… even though your mind is also stuck in that same gutter. You’re not about to out yourself for allowing him to live rent-free in your head.

“Why would I?” You fire back.

“I bet you do,” he says sounding so sure of himself and resumes looking through more of the flowers, “Especially when you use that toy of yours. I don’t know how you haven’t jumped my bones yet.”

You can’t tell if this is confidence, arrogance, or just a joke.

“You might find this hard to believe, but some people have self-control.”

“Ah, so you want to.”

Your face feels like it’s on fire. You should really pay attention to how you word things.

“That’s not- I’m seconds away from stomping you out.”

“Step on me, mommy.”

As much as you want to be serious and chastise him for being so far in the gutter, his quick remark makes you crack up.

“Stop being dumb and help me.”

A smile spreads across his face seeing you laugh.

“You’re so serious today. It’s supposed to be a fun day.”

“I just want everything to go right today. I’ve already fucked up. We need to find those flowers,” you caution.

“You do know they restock things, right?”

“I know how retail works. It’s just easier if they have everything right now.”

“Not everything has to go perfectly,” he assures you as he resumes searching shelves a few feet away from you, “I can come back up here another day if I have to.”

“But that’s just inconvenient.”

“That’s life.”

You briefly glance at him diligently digging through the bunches of flowers and leaves. The profound things he has been saying to you have you questioning who he is as a person. Though these things vary from short, vague sentences to slice-of-life stories, he hints that there is an obviously hidden side of himself. Have you been totally wrong about him this whole time? These revelations have been preceded by his insufferable flirting. Does anyone else know about-

“I want you until the last flower dies,” San interrupts your thoughts, creeping a stem into your peripheral vision. When you finally look at the flowers, you gasp,

“Where did you find that?”

As you are caught up in the discovery, he frowns and hands over the artificial carnations without a fight.

“Did you even hear what I said?” He grumbles.

“Yes, and it was a terrible pickup line.”

“Does anything work on you?”

“Nope,” you answer as you head back down the aisle to meet up with everyone else. You don’t want to reveal the direct way to your heart just in case he’s just being an asshole. If he really wants to know, he will figure it out himself. If he finds out and is just being an asshole, at least it will have been a nuisance, and hopefully, he will realize it’s not worth it.

As you near your friends, Mina lights up at what you’re holding.

“Where did you find it?” She asks in surprise.

San’s voice follows behind you, “It was buried in some other flowers at the top of the shelves.”

“Thank god. Now, we can finally leave,” she sighs, pushing the basket to the registers.

The cashier starts ringing up the items, and Mingi watches the total get higher and higher.

“Do we really need the super realistic flowers?” He quietly asks his fiancée.

“Yeah, I don’t want our decorations looking fake and cheap. The other flowers are ugly,” Mina answers as if it should be obvious.

“I wouldn’t mind. These flowers are expensive.”

“It’s fine. My parents are paying for it.”

“I know. That’s why I feel bad.”

“They don’t care. They’ve been waiting to spoil me for my wedding.”

“I still don’t feel comfortable letting them spend this much.”

“Mingi, I promise it’s fine.”

Their argument spans the entirety of the checkout process. Discreetly, you apologize to the cashier as you take the paper sacks to leave. After putting all the crafts away in Mina’s car, everyone disburses to get ready for their respective parties.

A to-do list quickly forms in your head as you drive back to your apartment. You need to shower, do your hair and makeup, pick an outfit for the bachelorette party, put together an overnight bag, and grab anything else you might need for the party. The other day you went to an adult shop to snag a few phallic things for the celebration, such as penis straws, penis suckers, penis plates, penis napkins, a penis crown for the bride-to-be… Why the fuck did you get so many penis-themed things? Is this normal for a bachelorette party? At least you got sperm-shaped confetti to mix it up a bit.

As you shower, you think about what you would want to do for your own bachelorette party. You don’t really have the money to do a vacation-esque party, you’re not into partying or heavy drinking, and you would probably die of embarrassment if Mina showed up with these same party decorations. Maybe that’s just the overly grownup part of you taking over; you have spent so much time acting as a motherly figure to those around you. You find happiness in others having a good time, but maybe you just tell yourself that because that’s the only option you are given.

Once you’re bathed and have your hair and makeup done, you settle on a jumpsuit with a bit of a low neckline that you haven’t worn because there hasn’t been a good enough occasion. It shows off the mature side of you, which is fitting for how you feel about the night. You and Sejeong are basically babysitters for the young, wild ones. A comfy set of clothes is packed along with your other overnight essentials in a tote bag. On your way out, you snatch the paper bag of penis stuff.

Arriving just on time, you are welcomed into Mina’s apartment by the other bridesmaids. The bride-to-be is changing into her white off-the-shoulder bodycon dress. You can feel the excitement when she exits her bedroom with a huge smile as she reveals the garment for the first time. She is showered in compliments. Your eyes sting a bit from tears wanting to spring out. Mina isn’t the same little girl you knew growing up. You have to remind yourself that she is now a young woman doing adult things, no longer your baby sister playing pretend. Your heart just isn’t ready to accept that.

Before heading out the door, you all gather around Mina to take a mirror selfie to commemorate the night.

“To the vineyard!” Mina commands, ushering everyone out of her apartment to lock the door.

“Hey,” Yoojung pulls you aside while Mina is distracted with her keys, “When we get back before we start the movie, me and Kyungmi have a little surprise for Mina.”

“What is it?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see,” she sings.

A million things go through your mind, but you honestly can’t guess what those two are up to. You don’t dwell on it because the conversations in the car don’t allow you to hear yourself even think, and also, whatever they have planned shouldn’t be too terrible. Yoojung and Kyungmi know Mina well enough to surprise her with something she’ll enjoy.

At the vineyard just outside the city where the hilly landscape is flourishing with hundreds of rows of grapevines, you and your friends are sat on the terrace with a beautiful view. The weather is perfect, sunny and not too hot or cold. Sitting back, you watch the girls smile and giggle over the different wines. In mom mode, you casually take a few sips of each wine so as to not get toasty. The knowledge from the sommelier is not going to stick as the girls go off on random tangents stemming from words in his information. You will make sure to leave him a well-deserved tip after dealing with the mess that is Mina’s bridal party.

Along with the group’s favorite wine, a server leaves you a charcuterie board to nibble on after the tasting. The board looks super fancy with manchego, red wine merlot cheese, blueberry white cheddar, prosciutto di parma, pita crisps, rosemary crackers, cranberry walnut bread, raspberry jam, lemon dill mayo, fresh grapes, blueberries, and strawberries. It seems like a lot of food, but splitting it between the six of you, it’s just a snack. Once the server leaves, you start pulling things onto your small plates.

“I think the waiter likes you,” Yoojung teases Kyungmi, “He poured your glass first every time.”

“He looks like he has a small dick,” Kyungmi comments, taking you by surprise with her bold statement. You take a sip of water before you choke on a crisp.

“He has big dick energy, though,” Mina refutes.

“Big dick energy isn’t going to fill my hole.”

Between laughs, Sejeong reminds you all to be quieter so that he and other customers don’t hear. It still baffles you how blunt Kyungmi, the quiet friend, can be. You pour her a glass of water, signaling it’s time to sober up a bit, but it’s only in vain.

“Why are y’all trying to get me a man? Doesn’t Y/N need one?” Kyungmi suddenly deflects.

You argue right back, “Hey, don’t drag me into this. He’s hitting on you, not me.”

“I can just tell him you think he’s cute.”

“I’m too old for him.”

You don’t actually know how old he is, but you would be surprised if he was old enough to drink what he serves.

As the other girls loudly refute your statement, you barely make out Yujin’s “yeah, you kind of are.”

You really don’t want to spiral while you are supposed to be having fun. Those intrusive thoughts about your age and where you are in life have been pushed aside for the day, but Yujin brought them back out ruthlessly. No one else seems to have heard her since no one says anything. You slide down in your chair the slightest bit. San’s words from this morning are remembered; “It’s supposed to be a fun day.”

As much as you want to let it go, his age enters the chat. You’re not ancient compared to him, but you know people would think it’s weird that you like a guy younger than you. You wonder if he just acts like he’s interested in older women to tease you. When you’re with him, age never causes an issue. He makes you feel valid and lifts you up if you’re down. Even if he doesn’t fully mean what he says, you like how he makes you feel.

“Y’all are annoying. I need to pee,” Kyungmi announces to the table before standing up.

“Don’t break the seal,” Yujin advises.

“This dam is about to break!” Kyungmi hurries off to the bathroom with a busting Mina in tow.

The other girls resume talking, and your mind strays to something else. You rarely use Instagram, but you know a certain someone, who followed you shortly after telling him you don’t get on social media anymore, might be lurking around on there. Your finger hovers over selecting the photo your group took before leaving. The jumpsuit you decided on for the night makes you feel kind of sensuous, and documenting it in a photo provides the opportunity to make someone wish he was seeing it in person. You post the picture with just the wine glass emoji and tags of your friends’ usernames.

You watch a few slow notifications come up on your lock screen; a like and comment from Seonghwa that says “so pretty ☺️,” random likes from former classmates, and a comment from a relative you haven’t talked to in a while. None of them are who you’re waiting for. Sejeong sweeps you up in a conversation about the concurrent bachelor party, and your phone falls face down in your lap.

“Where do you think the guys are going?”

“Knowing the best man, a strip club,” Yujin answers.

“Yeah, probably,” Yoojung concurs, “But I feel like Mina wouldn’t let that happen. She even told us, ‘no strippers.’”

“I don’t know how they would have gotten Seonghwa to agree to go. I can picture him sitting there not knowing where to look with his hands awkwardly placed in his lap,” Sejeong says, painting a picture in your mind that makes you laugh. It’s true though; he’s quite the gentleman.

After the return of Kyungmi and Mina, your phone vibrates that tempting text message pattern, and you are quick to check your notifications. Like a gift from the universe, there’s an Instagram like and a text from San.

From: San🖕 You look sexy in that picture 7:28 PM

Your face heats up as he does exactly what you want him to. You haven’t drank that much wine, but you think maybe your brain is making this up in a drunken daze.

From: You Thanks. How does it feel to always jack off to my pictures? 7:29 PM

From: San🖕 I mean, probably not as good as the real thing 😏 7:31 PM

From: You Guess you’ll never know. 7:32 PM

From: San🖕 Bet. 7:32 PM

From: You I’d feel bad taking money from you. 7:33 PM

You note the dots of him typing as you exact revenge for his relentless teasing. Opportunities like this are far and few between. Time to have a little fun.

From: You So… you’ve jacked off to my pictures? 7:34 PM

The three dots disappear, and you grin to yourself for rendering him speechless. The mention of your name sucks you into the discussion about the rooming situations for the lavish hotel where they decided to have the wedding.

To make the reservations, the wedding party needs to figure out who is staying at the hotel and who is rooming together. Mina’s parents volunteered to pay for all of you to stay for the night before the wedding, which is when the rehearsal will take place, and the wedding night. Though her parents live modestly, they have a lot of money, and it’s crazy to you how much they are willing to spend on their only child for a short moment in her life.

For now, Kyungmi and Yujin will share a room, Sejeong and Yoojung will share one, and you and Mina will share another. Mina knows Mingi and San will room together and thinks the groomsmen Jongho and Seonghwa will as well. Mingi’s older brother is undecided, leaving Yunho to possibly room with the other two groomsmen. If his brother stays at the hotel, he will most likely get a room with his wife.

The tasting finally concludes, and the bill is split evenly for it. Upon hearing that your visit is for Mina’s bachelorette party, the manager on hand makes the charcuterie board and additional bottle of wine complimentary. Mina orders a bottle of champagne for her and Mingi’s wedding night and two wines from the tasting to have with your takeout pizza at her apartment. You get a bottle of the strawberry wine you really liked during the tasting since you didn’t have as much as everyone else. As the waiter hands back your cards, the bride-to-be and one of her bridesmaids are whispering on the other side of the table.

“Ask him. Ask him,” Mina elbows Kyungmi, who reluctantly gives in.

“Do you have a business card for the vineyard?” She asks the server, looking up at him through her lashes and raising her eyebrows suggestively.

He grins handsomely and pulls out a card and pen before quickly jotting something down and handing it over.

“You have so much power. What the fuck,” Yoojung says in awe when he walks away.

“Alcohol, my dude.” Kyungmi finger-guns.

Grabbing all your things, you head to the grand entrance of the vineyard to leave. Yujin’s comment is still lingering in your mind, and it’s slowly starting to piss you off again. You really want to say something, but you don’t like confrontation. Like, what would you even say? She specializes in snide remarks, credit to her mother. She could probably destroy you in less than five words.

In the parking lot, Sejeong stops you from going towards the passenger side of her car and asks, “Can you drive? I’m still kind of feeling the wine.”

The pressure to not wreck your own car is a lot, but the pressure to not wreck someone else’s car? Even worse. As long as it isn’t that person crashing because of alcohol, you will gladly take on that pressure. Throughout the tasting, you only had small sips of wine and drank mostly water so that you and Sejeong would be the sober ones to take care of the others. It’s best she doesn’t drive if she doesn’t think it’s safe.

“Yeah,” you answer, taking her keys.

As you drive back into town, the girls become talkative again. The rowdy ones in the back heckle Kyungmi to text that server while Sejeong orders pizzas for pickup.

“Play WAP to hype Kyungmi up!” Yujin shouts from the backseat.

“We are not blaring WAP in this car,” you stand your ground.

“Play Bad Girls by M.I.A.” Yoojung suggests.

Mina quickly cuts in, “Bad Girls? The baddest thing you’ve done is accidentally steal a pen from a store after signing a receipt.”

“Guys, be quiet! They can’t hear me,” Sejeong yells over their argument, hand covering the phone’s microphone.

“I need to pee!” Kyungmi whines.

“You can go in with Sejeong at the pizza place,” you assure her.

A headache is starting to form across your forehead. You wish you were less sober so you wouldn’t have to worry about everyone right now. It feels like a mistake volunteering to be one of the designated drivers, but who else would be one? Luckily, they quiet down long enough for Sejeong to place your orders.

“We should take a picture to remember tonight,” Yoojung mumbles with a slight slur and nudges Sejeong with her phone to take it.

“Everyone, look up here,” Sejeong commands with a smile and holds the phone up. You momentarily take your eyes off the road once she counts down to take the picture.

“You should send it to the guys,” Kyungmi suggests.

“No, don’t bother them,” you say, knowing you probably don’t look that good in the photo. The overhead lighting in the car is shit, your makeup is probably starting to run down your face since you put it on several hours ago, and there’s a good chance you’re not even looking into the camera.

“Send it!” Kyungmi sings from the very back with Yujin clinging to her, giggling, “Show them how hot we are and how much fun we’re having!”

Mina and Yoojung snicker behind Yoojung’s phone, which is succeeded by all your phones going off.

Chat: ✨Wedding Party✨ From: Yoojung🌱 IMG_3831 8:41 PM

Chat: ✨Wedding Party✨ From: Yunho🐶 IMG_2475 8:43 PM

“Look at these thirst traps,” Sejeong laughs, flashing you the image from the group chat.

Yunho sent a photo of the guys in his car on the way to wherever the bachelor party is. Your eyes instantly land on San, and oh, no… He looks hot in leather with his hair pushed back. Even more of your sanity is lost. But you must compose yourself and get your eyes back on the road.

The pizzeria isn’t much further, so by the time you park you only need to wait a few minutes until your pizzas are done. Kyungmi accompanies Sejeong inside, and through the storefront windows, you watch her aggressively penguin walk to the bathroom.

To be nice, you allow Mina to plug her phone into the stereo. The first thing she plays is a Kesha song. She rolls her window down just as the chorus is about to start and leans her head out belting out the lyrics, “I’m a mother fucking woman, baby, alright!”

Yoojung quickly follows suit, “Don’t need a man to be holdin’ me too tight!”

You whip around in your seat and reprimand them, “Roll it back up, now. You’re going to get us in trouble.”

The two of them grumble as they do as they are told. They have officially lost their radio privileges. You don’t want to be a buzzkill, but someone has to keep them in line. In silence for a few minutes, you wonder what’s taking them so long in the restaurant. Before you call Sejeong to ask, you notice a text from San.

From: San🖕 Cute IMG_8533 8:56 PM

The image is a zoomed-in screenshot of your face from the picture Yoojung sent. Goddammit, you weren’t looking at the camera. He has to be messing with you because, frankly, you look kind of stupid.

From: You Shouldn’t you be busy right now? 8:58 PM

From: San🖕 I am, by complimenting you 8:58 PM

From: You You jack off to that one too? 8:59 PM

“What are you smirking about up there?” Mina leans forward between the front seats to peep on your messages.

As a knee-jerk reaction, you press your phone against your chest, looking guilty as hell.

“Nothing.”

Before San responds, Sejeong and Kyungmi slip back into the car, and you resume the drive to Mina’s apartment without the kids in the backseats acting up again. Once inside, you and Sejeong whip out the penis party stuff. While everyone is distracted, Kyungmi disappears.

“Why are penises on everything?” Mina laughs, looking at the plates and napkins.

“It’s all that was in the bachelorette party section of one of those sex stores,” you inform her. Maybe you should have just gotten generic party stuff at a grocery store. The selection at grocery stores is probably just as small, but at least it wouldn’t look tacky.

When you’re ready to dig into the pizzas, Yoojung doesn’t allow you. The main living room lights go out and LED strips turn on.

“You better not have gotten me a stripper,” Mina warns, eyes shooting each girl of the bridal party.

Mina’s bedroom door cracks ajar, revealing only a sliver of darkness.

“We’ve gotten a few noise complaints about this apartment,” Kyungmi says before kicking the door completely open, drenching her sleazy police uniform in the neon light, “For not being loud enough!”

The other girls squeal as Yoojung starts the music. Kyungmi dances her way across the room to Mina, trying to suppress her grin to stay in character. You stand in the kitchen watching the dumpster fire from afar, not really wanting to be a part of it.

“Where is the bride’s crown?” Kyungmi summons Yoojung with the penis crown you brought.

Mina dies laughing while Kyungmi places it on her head and then spins around to shake her ass to the beat of the song. The pizza is completely forgotten, and the bridesmaids are engrossed in the striptease. And, rightfully so, because Kyungmi is actually pretty good at dancing. You wonder if she is just freestyling or if she and Yoojung came up with a routine. Either way, you’re impressed.

Kyungmi goes around to give a little love to the other girls. Before she reaches the other older bridesmaid, Sejeong produces a few bills from her purse, which she makes a show of slipping them into the waistband of the micro mini skirt of the police officer costume. This causes everyone to break down in laughing tears. Kyungmi can’t even finish dancing to the song and surrenders in Sejeong’s lap.

When the regular lights are turned back on, the pizza is finally torn apart onto separate plates as more wine is poured to keep the party going

“Alright, eat your pizza so we can watch the movie,” Sejeong reins you all back in from the chaos.

Kyungmi asks with her mouth full, “Why can’t we eat while we watch it?”

“Because I don’t trust y’all to eat in the dark,” Mina answers.

“Kyungmi, why don’t you go change?” Yujin eyes the girl who just sat next to her on the couch and whose skirt doesn’t cover her cheeks on the cushions.

“I’ve got nothing to hide,” Kyungmi quips with a smug expression on her face.

That reminds you of someone…

As the atmosphere winds down, you glance at your phone and notice a text from that certain someone. You wish you hadn’t read it as soon as you open it. Your eyes roll out of annoyance because San is really just trying to piss you off.

From: San🖕 Why would I do that when half naked women are all around me? 9:01 PM

From: You Isn’t it illegal to masturbate in the middle of a strip club? 9:42 PM

From: San🖕 Yeah but that doesn’t mean I can’t be turned on. 9:43 PM

From: You Yeah, I don’t really want to hear about that. 9:45 PM

Though you have never been to a strip club, it feels kind of early for the fun to start. Additionally, no one has really confirmed where the guys went for the bachelor party. You don’t think Mina would allow them to go to a strip club, and if it was suggested, she definitely would have complained to you about it.

From: San🖕 I can see you up there dancing. 9:52 PM

From: You That would never happen. 9:53 PM

From: San🖕 I’d want a private show, though. 9:55 PM

You glance up from your phone, debating to ask Mina. When there’s a lull in the conversation, you take your chance.

“Hey, what are the guys doing for the bachelor party?”

“They went to some adult laser tag bar place,” Mina says, trying to think of the name of the bar.

“They went to play drunk laser tag? That doesn’t sound safe,” Sejeong comments.

“I know. Mingi isn’t the most coordinated, so I told him if he comes back with a black eye, he’ll be in trouble.”

The rest of the conversation goes on in the background as you call San out on his bullshit.

From: You Mina said you aren’t even at a strip club… 10:01 PM

From: San🖕 lol you asked her? Were you that worried that we were? I just wanted to see your reaction, but I wouldn’t say no to a private show 😏 10:05 PM

From: You I would. 10:05 PM

From: San🖕 I’d love to see you slowly dance out of your clothes down to some sexy lingerie, grinding down on me. 10:08 PM

You don’t know about the stripping part, but you are definitely imagining grinding on him, legs straddling his lap. His hands would slide up your thighs to your hips and guide your movements as you impatiently find the friction you so desperately want. He would tilt his head back, his face twisting in pleasure. Your nails would dig into his shoulders where you balance yourself. He would swear under his breath and praise you for how well you’re doing. His fingers would thread through your hair and-

“Y/N?”

You hum in response as you fall hard back down to earth from your wet daydream.

“You wanna change clothes before we start the movie?” Sejeong asks as she picks up empty plates.

“Oh, yeah,” you mumble and head to the bathroom with the bag you packed.

Once in comfy clothes, you claim the armchair in Mina’s living room, too afraid of someone accidentally catching a rogue text from San. At this point, there is no telling what he will send you, especially since he is currently high on flustering you. You wouldn’t mind those types of messages right now. There is some alcohol in your system from the wine you just had, and San has planted a seed of sin in your mind. A bit of flirtatious texting isn’t going to cause any serious damage, right?

That is your mindset until you notice a sobering text from a little while ago.

From: Seonghwa😇 What are you texting San about? 10:11 PM

From: You How do you know I’m texting him? 10:17 PM

You return to your conversation with San. He has no idea the image he painted in your mind with that singular sentence. But because Seonghwa is aware of your texting, the flirting can’t go any further.

From: You You really have no shame. 10:18 PM

With that final text to San, you force yourself to ignore the vibrations of your phone as Mina figures out how to login into a streaming service on her smart TV. Your heart is palpitating from the adrenaline caused by both men’s texts and needs a few good minutes to calm down. But after the third alert, you give in.

From: Seonghwa😇 I can see your name every time his phone lights up on the table… 10:19 PM

From: Seonghwa😇 Is he bothering you? I’ll tell him to stop. 10:21 PM

From: You No, it’s fine. I can handle him on my own. 10:22 PM

You switch over to the conversation with San.

From: San🖕 😘 10:20 PM

From: San🖕 👉👌 10:20 PM

From: You 🍆 🏌️‍♀️ 10:23 PM

From: San🖕 lmao 10:24 PM

The movie Bridesmaids starts in the background, and you try to pull your attention to the television. Mina plops down between Yoojung and Sejeong, snuggling in under a blanket. Not even 60 seconds later, your phone goes off again.

From: San🖕 Seonghwa just told me to stop texting you lmao 10:25 PM

What the hell, Seonghwa? As you think of a response, Mina calls you out.

“Phone away, Y/N.”

A subtle pout is on your lips while you place your phone face down on the armrest. Tonight is about Mina, not San, no matter how thirsty that man makes you. Have fun with your best friend while she is single and still has time to do this. It is girls’ night out, no boys allowed.

With the amount of times you have seen this film, you should be able to recite the script as easily as the alphabet. But it has been a few years since the last time you watched it. There are certain aspects you remember.

The main character Annie is seeing a man her friends don’t approve of, and she knows it’s not a relationship she actually wants. She’s jealous of her best friend because her friend is doing what she wants to be doing; Annie feels stuck not being able to fulfill the societal norms of adulthood. It all hits way too close to home.

“Y/N, I’m so glad you’re not like that,” Mina comments at one point.

Though you are not, you understand why Annie is acting that way. Jealousy can make you do crazy things. Her closest friendship is threatened, she can’t maintain a stable romantic relationship while her best friend is settling down, and her relationship with herself is clouded by the expectations others have of her. Her way of coping is the only problem… and that’s the only difference between you. You fear bothering, annoying, and angering anyone important to you, therefore you don’t lash out like Annie… or maybe you just haven’t reached your breaking point yet.

Just before the credits start rolling you finally look at your phone and note two text messages, one from one of your employees and one from San. Because it isn’t normal for your employee to text you this late, you tap on hers first.

From: Sammy🛍 Hey, I just got a call about a family emergency and have to go out of town. Can you pick up my shift tomorrow? 10:28 PM

A lamp in the corner is turned on as Mina and Sejeong stand to stretch. The other girls are fast asleep on the floor and loveseat couch. You grab a few empty cups and creep into the kitchen to put everything away.

“One of my assistant managers texted me during the movie and asked if I could cover her shift in the morning,” you quietly groan to your friends as you assure Sammy that you will, “I’m not mentally prepared for that.”

“Do you need to go home?” Mina questions with concern.

“Not yet. I’ll finish helping clean up,” you say as she looks down at her vibrating phone.

“Mingi wants me to meet him and San at his apartment as soon as possible,” Mina says after reading the text.

Your heart begins pounding in your chest at the mention of San’s name.

“Did he say why?” Sejeong asks, half-absorbed in rinsing out wine glasses.

“No, and he’s not replying, so he must be driving. I can’t drive since I just had wine.”

“I’ll take you,” you immediately offer, grabbing your overnight bag. You only had one glass when you returned, and that was before the movie started. Plus, you will take this chance to see San, maybe even smack him around a bit for trying to rile you up.

“Are you sure? Don’t you need to go to bed?” Mina looks guilty.

“I’ll be fine. I don’t want you driving even if you think you can make it over there.”

“I can take her,” Sejeong tries to relieve you of the burden.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll just drop her back off when we’re done and then go home.”

“Okay, I’ll stay here in case they wake up,” she says, following you two to the door.

As you head down to your car, you finally check San’s text from over an hour ago.

From: San🖕 Y/N? 10:33 PM

Fuck, he probably thinks you’re ignoring him now, and you don’t have time to respond as you need to hurry over to his apartment. Endless possibilities of what could be Mingi’s emergency run through your mind. The lack of response from him worries you, but you don’t bring that up for fear of panicking Mina. It could be something that isn’t an actual emergency.

As you roll up to Mingi and San’s apartment, Mina points out the pair walking to the building’s entrance. San looks like he’s holding his head which is fairly concerning considering where they have been all night. Mina and you get out quickly and rush to catch up.

“What happened?” You ask as soon as you see the bloody paper towels San is pressing to his brow bone.

“You want to tell them?” San looks to Mingi, who subtly shakes his head.

“I accidentally scared him, and he threw his laser gun at me.”

“This is exactly why I said this was a bad idea,” Mina immediately reprimands them, “Let’s get up to the apartment so that we can look at it.”

“Technically speaking, you said you didn’t want me getting hurt,” Mingi levels with his fiancee.

The look she gives him silences him the rest of the way up. Once inside, San turns around a dining room chair and sits, looking at you and Mina expectantly. Knowing Mina isn’t good with blood, you take charge.

“Do you have a first aid kit or something?” You look between the boys, and Mingi hurries to retrieve it from their bathroom.

Mina hovers behind you, simmering, “Why didn’t the bar help you?”

“They said they were out of bandages, and then they told us to go to a hospital,” San answers while making himself comfortable in the chair.

“Why didn’t you go to one?” You ask, confused and annoyed by the situation.

“I am not going to a hospital over a little cut. I’m not a baby.”

Your eyebrow shoots up at the absurdity coming out of his mouth.

“Maybe a kiss will make it better,” he still manages to hit on you.

You glare at him unimpressed and ask, “Really?”

“Just trying to lighten the mood,” he contends, “Or get you in the mood. Whatever works.”

“Shut up,” you say as you grab his wrist and pry away the tissues stuck to his injury to check the damage.

“Ow, that fucking hurt!” He shouts, pressing the tissues against the cut once again.

“Here. Give me your finger. I’ll give you something else to cry about,” she quips with her hand out and eyes on fire, just as her fiancé comes back with a plastic box.

“Babe, it wasn’t his fault,” Mingi says with a sliver of panic in his voice.

“Now, his face is going to be fucked up for the wedding,” she yells.

“Yeah, it’s definitely going to leave a scar. The hair might not grow back for a while,” you reenter the conversation as you dig through the bandaids until you find the right one, “It might not be too noticeable by the wedding. San, move the paper towel.”

“Why is there so much blood?” Mina sounds frenzied looking at the tissues.

“He’s had alcohol,” you remind her while you disinfect his wound with a dab of a cotton ball doused with hydrogen peroxide. He winces and groans at the stinging sensation.

“I can’t watch. I might pass out,” she says as she goes to sit on their couch.

His eyebrow is split but not enough to need stitches, at least in your opinion. After peeling the backing off of the bandaid, you gently touch around the cut.

“I’m putting a butterfly bandage on it. I have to pinch the skin back together, so it might hurt,” you warn him, and before he can respond you squeeze it closed.

He hisses at the pain, trying not to jerk away, “Hurry up. Jesus Christ.”

His hands naturally hold onto your waist, his fingers digging into you, channeling his discomfort to its source. One side of the bandage is in place, and you attempt to align the skin accurately.

“I’ll take my sweet time.”

He groans in misery and annoyance, “Sadism.”

Your face feels like it’s burning. You can’t believe he is bringing up your stupid midnight conversation from several nights ago.

“Shut up.”

When you finally secure the bandaid, he opens his eye and blinks a few times.

“Does it look badass?”

“You look stupid,” Mina deadpans, quite obviously not over the fact she was right about someone getting hurt. She moves from the couch to look at your bandaging work now that the blood isn’t everywhere.

“He always looks like that though,” you joke as San defends himself.

“I didn’t even do it!”

“Be still,” you demand, placing a small square of gauze over the butterfly bandage and taping it down with surgical tape.

“At least I didn’t knock him out,” Mingi chuckles.

“You didn’t hit me hard enough for that.”

“I bet I could though.”

“Why are men like this?” Mina quietly comments to you as you step out of San’s personal space.

San folds his arms across his chest and lounges back in the chair. “No, but I could definitely knock you out.”

“That’s not fair. You’ve had practice.”

“Practice?” Mina echos.

“It was one time,” San downplays.

“What happened?” You ask, bewilderedly looking between the two boys.

Mingi is quick and proud to answer, “Some dude put his hand up one of our friends’ skirts. San confronted him and ended up decking him in the face.”

“That’s surprising,” you say with raised eyebrows and notice San’s face sour, “That you would hit someone.”

His expression softens at your addition. “That was a few years ago. It was a young and dumb decision.”

“It wasn’t dumb. Fuck that guy,” Mingi says, and Mina smacks his arm, telling him to watch his mouth.

As the couple begins arguing over who should stop swearing, you awkwardly start shuffling everything back into the kit, and San wordlessly helps.

But after a moment, he sighs, “I have a meeting in the morning, and of course, this happens.”

“I have work in the morning too.”

“You should stay the night in case I need a nurse.”

You glance at him after closing the little first aid box, “I’m not a nurse.”

“You could dress up as one, and I wouldn’t know the difference.”

“I’m not playing into your role-play kink.”

“I’ll mark that one off the list then.”

Your eyes roll back into your head when you realize what he’s joking about again, and you could almost die from exasperation. Then you realize something else.

“Wait, you have a meeting on a weekend?”

“Yeah, it’s an emergency meeting because someone messed up a report with a client.”

Before you can ask if it’s for that nursing home, Mingi suddenly slaps a hand on San’s shoulder and asks, “Did you keep that napkin the bartender wrote her number on?”

Your eyes dart to San. You want to interrogate him about what he did with her number in retaliation to how he acted when that pizzeria guy gave you his number. You want to be petty, take the napkin from him, and set it on fire in front of him. But you can’t do anything because Mina and Mingi don’t know about that night, that you hung out together, that San showed a protective, borderline-possessive side of himself. San notices the flames inside your eyes and grabs the tissues he once held against his eyebrow.

“I guess I can’t call her now,” he says, unraveling the dried bloody napkin, the inked number lost in the dark crimson red. The little smirk on his face is telling of how he feels seeing you physically snap into jealousy. Calling her was never in his plans.

Fuck this, you need sleep.

“As much fun as this has been, I need to go,” you announce before directing your attention to Mina, “Do you need me to take you home?”

“No, Mingi will,” she says, and he confusedly complains.

“I can send you a medical nude in the morning, so you can see how it’s doing,” San offers with a grin.

“What the hell?” Mina questions with a hint of disbelief, “Why would you be nude?”

“I’d take the bandage off,” he quips.

Mina steps towards him, but you hold her back with your arm.

“Get smart with me again, and I’ll break your nose,” she warns.

“We’ll laugh about this one day,” Mingi sighs hopefully. San glares at him while Mina starts in about how she will never laugh about their incident and that it isn’t funny because San’s face will look busted for the wedding.

You take that as your cue to leave. The day has been a rollercoaster of emotions, and you are absolutely exhausted. When your head finally hits your pillow, you are out. Getting up the next morning for work is agonizing. You plan to spend your time in your small office, so you don’t have to deal with people. You have had enough human interactions within the last 24 hours.

But before you leave home, your phone lights up with a call from San. What could he possibly want right now?

“Hey,” he says as soon as you answer, “It kept bleeding through the gauze, so we went to the ER last night. They had to put in a stitch or two.”

Your heartbeat picks up a bit. You feel bad for being annoyed by his call, even though he has no idea that you were.

“Did they give you anything for the pain?” You ask, making sure to speak in a soft voice.

“They just told me to take over-the-counter pain meds every six hours if needed.”

“Is it feeling any better?”

“It’s a lot sorer now that the bruising is showing up. I can’t show any emotion without being in pain.”

A small chuckle huffs out your nose before concealing your amusement. “Do you need me to bring you anything?”

There’s a short pause before he mumbles, “No.”

Did you just make him shy?

He clears his throat and continues, “Did you tell Seonghwa to tell me to stop texting you last night?”

Oh, fuck. You have hoped to avoid this confrontation.

“No? He asked me why I was texting you and then said he would tell you to stop. I told him he didn’t have to do that.”

“Oh.” The word is barely audible.

“Why?”

“You never responded after I told you he did that.”

“I got yelled at for using my phone during the movie, and right after the movie, we came over. I didn’t get the chance to respond.”

“Oh.” This time the word is louder, more confident.

You pull away from your phone to check the time. You can spare a few more minutes.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to bring you anything? I have time before I go to work.”

“No, I’m fine. Thank you, though.”

A feminine voice speaks his name in the background, and your heart falls into the pit of your stomach. He must have a girl over since he is insistent that you not stop by. He must have called you with a girl in his bed just to taunt you. Did he end up calling that bartender? He really knows how to make you not stand him. Anger fills your chest, and you try to keep it from overflowing out of your mouth.

“You seem busy. I’ll let you go,” you say tersely.

“No, it’s fine. I’m on a break.”

Oh, so it’s a quicky?

“I have work. Bye,” you mumble before ending the call.

This crush is getting out of hand. You are constantly in need of a reminder.

He’s not yours.

He is not yours.

He. Is. Not. Yours.

HE. IS. NOT. YOURS.

Those words repeat in your mind like a mantra, plaguing your time at work. When your brain strays to that phone call and the woman’s voice, you mentally slap yourself. But, god, do you feel stupid, liking a man who will never like you in the same way.

After work, you order your favorite takeout to comfort yourself, and once you have consumed it, you still feel that little emptiness that San will never fill. In the shower, you can’t stop thinking about that woman and how naive you are. Moving your pity party to your bedroom, you feel your phone vibrate in your hand.

From: San🖕 Are you home? 9:26 PM

From: You Yeah, why? 9:27 PM

Suddenly, you panic that he might be at your door. You are currently naked in a towel, and your apartment isn’t the cleanest right now. It would be embarrassing for him to walk in and think “You live like this?”

From: You You’re not here again, are you? 9:27 PM

Your screen lights up with a video call from San. That’s better than him being physically here, but you still feel a little alarmed. Now, you just have to angle your camera away from the 500 empty cups on your nightstand and the pile of clothes you have been too lazy to put away…

“Why are you video-calling me?” You ask the moment his face appears after accepting the call.

“I thought you might want to see the stitches,” he says, bringing the camera closer for a better view.

“Oh, shit. He got you pretty good.”

The cut looks bigger than you remember, or maybe that’s because part of his eyebrow was shaved off at the hospital.

“Someone at work asked me what happened, and I told him he should see the other guy,” he jokes as he studies the injury on his screen.

“Really?” You shoot him a look through the camera.

He shrugs, “They don’t need to know the real story.”

“Hang on. I’m changing into my pajamas.” You lay your phone on your sheets and head to your dresser to quickly slip on your flannel button-down and pants.

You can hear San quickly exhale through his nose before he says suggestively with what you know is a smirk, “Since this conversation is show and tell…”

“… I’m hanging up now,” you announce as you pick up your phone again, fully clothed. You settle down in bed, sitting up against the headboard.

“I’m kidding,” he laughs, “How was the girls’ party?”

“It was good. The wine tasting was nice. But dealing with all of them drunk is like herding cats.”

He chuckles, “Sweet little Mina was a handful?”

“Her and Kyungmi were absolute chaos. The amount of times I heard ‘shark coochie’ yesterday was more than my entire life up until yesterday.”

“Shark coochie?”

“We had a charcuterie board at the vineyard.”

You watch it register in his head before he cracks up, a hand coming up to cover his cute grin.

“Anyways… How was the guys’ party before you got beat up?”

“It was fun. There was another group of guys at the bar, and they wanted to play against us. We went a couple of rounds before we got more drinks. Then during that last game, I came around a corner and scared the shit out of Mingi.”

“You were warned it was a bad idea. Was it worth that?”

“Absolutely,” he stands by his decision, “I just hate that my eyebrow took all damn night. I was so tired this morning when I went to the office.”

Your heart falls into the pit of your stomach.

“You didn’t have the meeting online?”

He shakes his head, “No, but it wasn’t a super long meeting, so I came back home and slept for a while.”

That woman must have been a coworker. God, you are such an idiot. Even still, he is not yours. Sadly, your brain recalls his words, “Can’t let them get attached.” You really need to chill before he thinks you are getting attached.

Not wanting to waste any more time on that, you change the topic, “I just remembered something. How much was that vase I broke?”

“Why?”

“I want to pay you back.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I’ll find out how much it was and leave that money somewhere in your apartment so that you find it later thinking you left it there.”

“You will never leave my sight in my apartment again.”

“You’re not going to watch me use the toilet,” you contend.

“Fine, but if I find money in the bathroom, I’ll know it was you and give it back.”

“I won’t accept it.”

“Then I’ll hide it somewhere in your apartment.”

Your hand drops to your bed, his view now the ceiling, as you groan, “You’re so annoying!”

His adorable little giggles fill your room and warm your heart.

Why can’t he be yours?

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is-the-primate-vid-cute · 2 years

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Hello! I've been a lover of monkeys for most of my life but recently I learnt some bad stuff about chimpanzees, like how violent they are sometimes, how they kill babies, how some practice cannibalism??? Does one learn to live with this knowledge and still love monkeys? :( I don't know how to stop applying human morality to them

There are a few main things that keep me being a chimp lover despite some of the less savoury things they are known to do.

First of all, when it comes to the violence that chimps have been known to engage in: we also do that. As humans its easier for us to think of ourselves as individuals and other species as monoliths, but across time and cultures I guarantee you anything they do, we have done. We tend to think that animals are more wholesome and unburdened by the evils of the world but we're all just different types of guys. Let go of your expectations, and its a lot easier to appreciate chimpanzees.

Secondly, look at the full picture. Chimpanzee violence, while part of natural aggression, isn't a constant fixture of everyday life for them. I worry sometimes that we talk about these behaviors and people get the idea that chimps spend their days mauling and eating each other for no reason when the truth is that most of what they do is forage, work together, groom their friends, and enjoy the company of those they are close to. Many chimpanzees remain very close and protective of their children even well into adulthood, and will be affectionate and gentle with the young chimps in their troupe that they aren't related to- taking part in raising the youngsters. Even when conflict does arise, it is most often settled non-violently through displays or through physical altercation that does not injure either party. A lot of their fights are basically physical versions of arguments, and don't escalate too far. Additionally, it is the alphas job to ensure that all the chimps in a troupe are behaving. For every conflict you see, there's a ton of conflict resolution you don't see!

Lastly, I urge you to consider the human aspect. We have mentioned it before, but a lot of chimp violence we hear about would not occur if it were not for human intervention. Deforestation forces groups of chimps into smaller areas, sparking territorial disputes between troupes, resource scarcity forces conflict within troupes, and keeping a chimpanzee in captivity unethically such as as a pet is a breeding ground for unhealthy behaviors that can lead to violent aggression. If you look at ethical and high quality zoos and sanctuaries you can find a picture of chimp life that has healthy levels of aggression that comes out in play and small disputes where no one is seriously hurt, and you can really see how they blossom.

If you are able to I seriously recomend watching Meet the Chimps on Disney+; it gives a complete picture of chimp life where conflict and aggression is documented but you can see that it is just one part of their rich social lives. If not, follow chimpanzee sanctuaries such as Save the Chimps and Chimp Haven on social media! Save the Chimps actually has profiles for each of their residents here. Getting to know their residents can be really enriching and help you grow to appreciate them as individuals.

Personally, I find the fact that chimpanzees are capable of violence to make them even more interesting. They are so strong, brave, and their fighting spirits are incredible. Reading the biographies of the residents at Save the Chimps made me respect them so much because even chimpanzees who have only known cruelty, abuse, and hardship, have been given second chances at life by sanctuaries and have been able to have rich full lives!

I hope you find a place in your heart for chimps. ❤️

#mod j #chimps #chimpanzee

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intersectionalpraxis · 6 months

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I won't stop talking about the suppression going on at tiktok. My content about Israeli military violence was removed without ANY option for me to appeal. Even the few I did have a chance to, it was almost immediately rejected. And why keep talking about this?

Because NONE of this content is misinformation. NONE of this content is bullying or harassing anyone. What this content is, apparently, a threat to American and Israeli propaganda. I can imagine what people with tens of thousands or millions of people following their content go through every day with mass reporting.

This undeniably happened to me; but since I privated my account, most content has been restored?? But I have my receipts on what they did. ISTFG

Another mention, my videos criticizing Russell Brand and Ashton Kutcher were also removed. Some where I called out pro and forced birthers were removed for violating community guidelines. EVEN A VIDEO ABOUT PERIOD CARE. Videos I've made or duetted about weaponized incompetency, male entitlement, and toxic masculinity. Videos I've made being critical of family vloggers. Videos calling out ageism and sexism, misogyny, intimate partner abuse, parent tok toxicity, covid consciousness, rape culture...... over a 100 were flagged.

Some of them definitely made tiktok money for the amount of engagement, and I'm so sick to my stomach. And now they want to act like nothing happened... I'm going to keep re-posting and posting nevertheless because we must keep pushing for a ceasefire, and we must keep advocating for a free Palestine.

I'm just baffled by how they refuse to take ACTUAL harmful videos down immediately because they make money (like most recently this guy when viral for saying he can basically rape any woman he likes because "what can she do about it?" and the video stayed up for almost a week and got millions of views. Sickens me to my core.

#feminist #feminism #palestine #freepalastine🇵🇸#israel is an apartheid state #israel #free gaza #israel is committing genocide #israeli propaganda #tiktoks #tiktok #misogynistic #misogyny

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cvrc11 · 4 months

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AN INCOHERENT RAMBLING ANALYSIS OF A VERY SMALL PORTION OF NIER AUTOMATA (2017)'S THEMES

Okay so it has been 6 years of me basically thinking about Nier Automata at least once a day and planning to eventually write something coherent about it, and I still plan to do that because lord knows this will NOT be coherent, but @flemmboyant accidentally prompted me a few days ago to spew a bunch of analysis of this game she has never played at her and she told me it would be a good tumblr post so. This is my extremely rambling and incoherent response (slightly edited for clarity where her responses to my messages were relevant for context) to the prompt "Tell me about Nier Automata's themes", because I just needed to get this OUT OF MY SYSTEM apparently jesus christ it's been SIX YEARS it feels so much longer how did i ever live before Nier Automata. anyway.

This contains full spoilers for the game's themes and narrative, and also a single pretty major spoiler for the original Nier, and probably will only make sense if you're familiar with the game, so, readmore time!

[okay so this all began with me saying that 2B's highly sexualized design, and to a lesser extent 9S's kinda creepy schoolboy design, actually serve important thematic functions despite Yoko Taro's insistence that he just "likes pretty girls". So that is the theme I am explaining here at the start] Basically I think what Automata is going for with the fact that all the normal, "civilian" androids who are fighting in the war as a ragtag resistance are wearing sensible clothes and look like adult humans with fairly photorealistic deisgns, but the military androids who are created by and fight for YoRHA are either anime waifus in sexy maid costumes or pedobait pubescent boys in schoolboy outfits (a thing which is definitely more widely sexualized in Japan than in the west) is that the military propaganda machine of YoRHA is invested in the spectacle over the reality of war and purposefully attempts to distance their aesthetics from the harsh realities of war and make them all sexy and shiny and cute. And ALSO the game has this thing about how the androids have maybe been programmed to experience the equivalent of human sexual pleasure when engaging in violence and murder so anything that aesthetically brings sex and violence close together is in service of that, such as the fact that 2B's and 9S's clothes get blown off when they use their BUILT IN SELF-DESTRUCT OPTION because they're SENTIENT BOMBS BUILT FOR A FOREVER WAR WITH NO PURPOSE BUT THE PERPETUATION OF A CYCLE OF DEATH AND VIOLENCE but they've been made SEXY and CUTE to MAKE EVERYONE, INCLUDING THEMSELVES, FORGET ABOUT THAT FACT AND -------------------------

also the YoRHA androids are all made to be sexy and aesthetically perfect but they are not expected to experience love or desire or appreciate beauty, aesthetic or otherwise, while the normal androids who look like normal people DO experience all these things and act on them and fall in love and fuck and love flowers and landscapes but the YoRHA androids don't even KNOW that they ARE sexy and aesthetically perfect because it means nothing to them, it's just what they look like, and being half naked is meaningless to them but they always have BLINDFOLDS on because yoko taro is SUBTLE AS A BRICK and the scenes of the greatest intimacy and sensuality and love are those in which they TAKE OFF THEIR BLINDFOLDS and see each other's EYES

and even the machine lifeforms, who look alien and have nothing of the human form about them, understand desire and love and beauty more than these perfect beautiful sexy porcelain dolls who mimic the most exaggerated fantasies of their ancient human creators who are no longer even alive to appreciate them

anyway now you have the requisite knowledge to understand why i am insane about the one moment in nier automata that i am the most insane about, which is when, in a conversation that isn't voiced and plays out in text on a screen between 9S and one of the game's antagonists, the antagonist in question suddenly, in an attempt to throw 9S off, asks "You want to **** 2B, don't you?" and it's this big shock moment because OBVIOUSLY you ASSUME that says FUCK and this comes out of NOWHERE and it DOES throw 9S off HARD and then later in the game 9S's mental state deteriorates very significantly and he fights a bunch of 2B clones and during the fight he starts to be creepier and more manic and obsessive in the violence he inflicts on her and in the end he chokes the last one of them to death while laughing maniacally and also crying and you think the plot twist is that the censored word was maybe KILL and he's secretly been trying to kill her all along but then you remember that their sex and violence responses have been programmed to be the same and you realize the word isn't censored for THE PLAYER because PEOPLE SWEAR IN THIS GAME ALL THE TIME, the word is censored FOR 9S because HE DOESN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO, THEY ARE THE SAME TO HIM and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

he's a GUN in LOVE who thinks the only feeling is BULLET

anyway this is only one layer of the like 5000 thematic angles this game is juggling. the first boss you fight is named Marx and Engels. Fucking. YOKO TARO, MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there's a part where a bunch of children commit suicide and depending on how you interpret certain stuff the game MIGHT be saying to you, in that very moment, that they were never real people and didn't actually feel anything and were just machines doing a fake-out chinese room thing to mimic genuine human interiority, and grabbing you by the throat and going "so you SHOULDN'T CARE, RIGHT??? so WHY DO YOU STILL CARE, BITCH" and this moment rewrote my personal understanding of what it means to have empathy and what the moral value of empathy is, but it could ALSO NOT BE SAYING THAT AT ALL and their feelings COULD have been real in which case it is instead asking you if you feel good about yourself because you WANTED their feelings to be real, you TAUGHT THEM to feel like real humans, you ENCOURAGED them to embrace their humanity and be humans and not machines and now they're DEAD BECAUSE OF IT so WAS IT ACTUALLY BETTER FOR THEM TO FEEL THINGS, YOU MONSTER

none of this is even TOUCHING on all the INSANE shit this game does with GENDER there is SO MUCH GENDER EVERYWHERE the gender is LEAKING THROUGH THE SEAMS the YoRHA soldiers have comical over the top sexual dimorphism and absolutely NO interest in gender or traditional gender roles while the robots that have no sex of any kind or any reason to even associate with any gender whatsoever are OBSESSED with human gender and WANT TO HAVE IT SO BAD and they DON'T UNDERSTAND IT but they WANT IT SO MUCH and they KEEP TRYING TO INVENT GENDER but they DON'T KNOW WHAT ITS FOR they just THINK IT MUST BE IMPORTANT BECAUSE IT WAS IMPORTANT FOR HUMANS and in their attempts to enshrine it REVEAL ITS ABSURDITY AND POINTLESSNESS

this is the Little Sister machine. By putting that pink bow on her head of her own volition because of her naive and foolish but authentic desire to be a woman she is more of a woman than 2B, who was designed by generations of scientists to be the Most Woman Ever but who has never had a single thought in her life about the concept of gender or womanhood, could ever be. This is the game's implicit message all the time and it rules

i didn't even get into the themes about the unnecessary overvaluing of "authenticity" or "natural" things that are manifested by the fact that not only are there no humans in the game, humans died out a long time ago and the "regular people" you interact with are all other androids like yourself who either were never programmed to be insane killing machines like you or simply broke their programming at some point so now you ostensibly fight your forever war to "protect humanity" but are in fact protecting your fellow androids but ALSO THOSE "HUMANS" WHO MADE YOU AND THEN DIED OUT CENTURIES AGO WERE THEMSELVES NOT ACTUALLY HUMANS BECAUSE IN THE ORIGINAL NIER IT'S REVEALED HUMANS DIED OUT THOUSANDS OF YEARS BEFORE /THAT/ GAME AND THE "HUMANS" WHO MADE THE ANDROIDS IN NIER AUTOMATA WERE THEMSELVES ARTIFICIAL CREATIONS DESIGNED TO PREVENT HUMANITY'S EXTINCTION THAT FAILED AND INSTEAD JUST BECAME THE NEW HUMANS SO YOU ARE LIKE. SO MANY LAYERS DEEP INTO NOT BEING "NATURAL" OR "AUTHENTIC" HUMANITY BECAUSE IN FACT THE LAST BIOLOGICAL HUMAN DIED OVER ELEVEN THOUSAND YEARS AGO

So ALL that stuff I talked about the authenticity of "real" gender AND the authenticity of the "humanity" of the robot children has to be taken in the additional context of MULTIPLE MATRYOSHKA DOLL LAYERS OF FAKE HUMANS

[at this point she asked me WHO ARE YOU FIGHTING IN THE GAME because as you can see I kept referring to a war without explaining bc i was too busy being insane about THE THEMES]

YOU, or "androids", are fighting "machine lifeforms", which, you see, are TOTALLY DIFFERENT, and unlike YOU, an android who definitely has normal human emotions, are OBVIOUSLY just mindless drones with NO semblance of humanity to them, because THEY were designed by an ALIEN RACE to INVADE EARTH and then it's revealed the aliens actually died out on their own like IMMEDIATELY after invading and the machines have just been self-replicating all along lmao

honestly the FUNNIEST part of Nier Automata is that THE ALIENS ARE REAL and are UTTERLY IRRELEVANT

like. it seems so OBVIOUS from the START that the big reveal is gonna be "oh the machines are ALSO man made this is some wild misunderstanding and the war is pointless" and then you FIND THE ALIENS and they're DEAD IN A SPACESHIP and the FACT THAT THERE'S ALIENS THAT INVADED EARTH IS NEVER EXPANDED UPON they are never given A NAME OR ANY DEPTH OR ANYTHING IT'S JUST AN ACCEPTED FACT OF THIS SETTING THAT "THE ALIENS" INVADED AT SOME POINT AND NOW THEY'RE DEAD, LET'S MOVE ON

and they are NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN because that's the POINT, the point is that both the humans and the aliens are an EXCUSE, even if the androids didn't KNOW both species were extinct (which, the android LEADERS did know about the humans at least), it wouldn't MATTER if they DID know because the war is no longer ABOUT humans OR aliens even though that's what ALL the propaganda is about and the motto of YoRHA is PROTECT MANKIND and you hear that phrase EVERY FIVE SECONDS and then it's revealed they're dead and NOTHING CHANGES and the androids STILL shout PROTECT MANKIND as they go to kill and die in an endless war over nothing with a group that by and large isn't even hostile, they're just sitting around trying to figure out if putting on a pink bow bestows GENDER for fuck's sake they have no interest in conquering the earth for aliens that THEY don't even KNOW about because they don't even HAVE the mythologized notion of their own creators that the androids have, the machines that ARE fighting are only fighting because THEY'VE ALWAYS BEEN FIGHTING and that's just WHAT LIFE IS and AAAAAAAAAAAAA

you built a world wide death machine army and told them they were fighting for peace but they can never make peace because they're a DEATH MACHINE and all they know is DEATH and THEY'RE GUNS IN LOVE WHO THINK THE ONLY FEELING IS BULLET and that REMAINS TRUE ON THE LEVEL OF THE PERSONAL DRAMA BETWEEN 9S AND 2B JUST AS MUCH AS ON THE GRAND SCALE OF THE GLOBAL EXTINCTION GENOCIDE WAR BECAUSE THEY'RE THE SAME THING DRIVEN BY THE SAME FUNDAMENTAL PROBLEM AND THAT PROBLEM IS THE FASCIST DRIVE TO BUILD A GUN TO SOLVE EVERY PROBLEM

as you can see even when i start by saying "the FUNNIEST thing about the game" it ends up being NOT FUNNY AT ALL because it's ALL ABOUT THE THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES [tears off my own head and kicks it out the window, still screaming about themes]

#my thoughts #nier automata #nier automata spoilers #suicide mention #THE THEEEEEEMEEEEEEEES

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