#i Did hurt my own feelings

[midwestdirtbag666]

i found my partner's ex's tumblr. alexa play it's my party i'll cry if i want to

[ducktracy]

there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love

[i-am-a-fan]

Season 5 ruined me.

Thank you to @monochromatic-ahhhh for giving me permission to draw their idea!!

[suzukiblu]

Please, cuddling, and TimKon?

. . . I am sorry but also I am NOT sorry for what I have done with this reply, but hey, why don't we all enjoy this one being the only prompt fill from this meme that got a read-more cut??

“Please,” Kon tries, trying not to look–he doesn’t know, weird and needy and like an embarrassment, or whatever. It feels like such a stupid thing to ask for. He knows Tim’s not really a hugger or a touchy-feely guy or whatever and that he likes having his own space and basically always hops out of bed right after sex to go write down all the shit his post-nut clarity made him think of, and the idea of, like, just staying still and actually cuddling or whatever is probably basically literal torture to him, assuming it’s ever even occurred to him at all, just . . . 

Just he’d kind of like to sometimes, maybe? Like–not regularly or whatever, he’s not trying to drive Tim nuts or cut into either his worktime or downtime here, just . . .

Just he’d like to do it sometimes, that’s all. 

Tim’s not the tactile type. Tim isn’t even the eye contact type, unless he’s lying to somebody or at work or just faking it for Robin-mode or whatever. Kon gets that. He’s been, like–careful about that. Not trying to take up too much space or ask for too much attention or mind when Tim doesn’t even look up at him when he– 

He’s been careful about it. 

But he is . . . well. The tactile type. Like . . . kind of, anyway. 

Like–it’s kinda unavoidable, honestly. 

“Oh,” Tim says, blinking at him in just enough bemusement to make him feel even more self-conscious about bringing this shit up to begin with, and Kon tries to keep his expression casual and noncommittal and–and just normal about this. Because he is totally normal about this. He is so normal about this. He is.

He’s also normal about the fact that when he asked Tim if he could talk to him about something, Tim didn’t even put down his tablet. Didn’t even put it to sleep, or actually even look up from it until . . . 

Kon’s normal about that. About all of this. 

(and he definitely never feels kind of weird or a little bit abandoned because Tim can’t EVER just bring his stupid laptop back to bed or at least work on whatever he’s thinking about IN the bedroom at the untouched desk he's got set up in there or even just, like . . . stick around and hang out on the couch with him, or anything like that. he definitely totally ENTIRELY doesn’t ever just feel like a casual fuckbuddy or an easy hookup or a gala-night accessory or just the most immediately convenient option and not actually–not actually any kind of a–not actually something that– 

he doesn’t. 

definitely.)

“Uh,” Kon says, and backpedals awkwardly, because clearly this conversation is not going the way he’d wanted it to and Tim just looks so surprised by it all, like–like it never even occurred to him or something, that maybe . . . that maybe Kon would want anything like that, or like he literally just hasn’t noticed how hard Kon’s been trying to be normal about it, or . . . 

It doesn’t feel very good, the idea he’s been trying so hard to respect Tim’s space and preferences and comfort levels and Tim hasn’t even noticed that he was doing anything at all. 

Especially because Tim usually notices just about everything. 

Maybe Tim’s just never thinking about it. Maybe he gets out of bed so quick because he’s spent the whole time in it thinking about other shit and just putting up with–just– 

“Kon,” Tim says, his voice going a little tight, and Kon just tries not to wince. He didn’t mention any of the complicated stuff he’s been trying not to feel, he just asked if Tim could–if Tim would– 

He didn’t even mention any of the complicated stuff, so it’s, like–not a great sign that Tim’s looking at him like that right now, like he’s said something really serious or upsetting or . . . 

He really shouldn’t have said anything, yeah. 

“Sorry,” he tries stiffly, glancing away and wrapping his hand around his own wrist and digging his fingers into the inside of it. It’s–tactile. Just . . . something tactile. “I know you don’t–sorry. Uh. Just forget it.” 

“Fuck,” Tim mutters for some reason, and Kon feels like such an idiot for saying anything at all, and a worse one for apparently doing it in a way that’s got Tim making that face at him. That face is Robin’s “my utility belt is empty, comms are fried, and the mission just went to shit” face. 

He really fucked this up. It was fine. Everything was fine, and now he’s wrecked it and Tim’s about to say it’s not even that serious, it’s not like it’s even–not like they’re even–and that Kon’s clearly gotten the wrong idea and they should just–just– 

“How long have you felt this way?” Tim asks very, very carefully, like the question’s something fragile, and Kon thinks from literally the first fucking time you left me alone in bed all night so you could go recalibrate some stupid useless specialty sensor that wasn’t even part of your primary gear, like, a WEEK into us sleeping together and says, “I dunno. It’s not–I told you. Forget it. It’s not a big deal.” 

He’s being weird about this. He’s being an asshole about this, actually, because being prepared for literally every single possible contingency ever is the Bats’ whole thing and he got into this knowing Tim wasn’t the touchy-feely type or all that expressive and emotive about–about his feelings, or whatever, and–and it’s not like he even–not like he– 

(he just wants a fucking HUG he didn't have to FUCK him for every now and then, or for Tim to at least exist in the same space as him for longer than the time it takes for the next email from Oracle to come in or next alert from Batman to go off or next self-assigned project to finish processing or–

but that’s not something Tim does, and Kon knew that going in, so–so it’s his own stupid fault if he feels SMALL sometimes, when . . . when there’s always something else, always another problem to solve or place to be or thing to think about, always . . . always something more important than just . . . staying, just for a little bit, and just BEING with–with him. just him. not the team, or either of their families, or . . .)

He knew all this going in, Kon reminds himself. He knew it. If he were this bad at being with literally anyone else, he’d just–he’d just– 

But something about it being Tim means he just . . . can’t. 

Tim’s jaw tightens, and he finally sets down his stupid tablet. 

Only now, though, Kon thinks bitterly, and digs his fingers a little deeper into the inside of his wrist. 

“Kon,” Tim says again, says too carefully again. Like something’s fragile, again. “I–” 

“I said forget it, for fuck’s sake!” Kon snaps too hotly, and maybe hates himself for both doing it and for the stricken look that doing it puts on Tim’s face, and also maybe cheats a bit by super-speeding straight out the balcony door into the night air and not taking his cell or his communicator with him. Or–definitely does, in fact. Definitely that’s cheating. He knows it is. 

He just really can’t stand to hear Tim tell him how he’s fucked up this time right now, though. He just–he tried so fucking hard not to fuck up this time. 

He really, really tried. 

He should’ve known it wouldn’t work, but . . . but he really did try.

[lunarharp]

What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)

[joleneghoul]

Time will change you, We all outgrow our roots.

SURPRISE I've been thinking about Rip again, jk that's not surprising. anyways text is Rips inner thoughts from Time Masters #8. sort of.

[houseswife]

listen I honestly think wilson really enjoyed that little arc where he was cooking every single one of house’s meals. I know he’s house’s main source of food anyway but usually just via ‘stolen’/bought lunch at work. I’m talking about when they lived together in season 2 and his ass made macadamia nut pancakes for breakfast on a WEEKDAY. and pot roast for dinner. so much effort and for what…because house was gobbling that shit up…? yes he complained about it every time but he also had an extra fork on hand when house came home to stuffed peppers. it feeds into his need to be needed complex. the intimate dependency of someone relying on you for sustenance. also why they used food as the metaphor for why house was craving his presence. this is what I mean when I say that wilson deserved a housewife era. house went stir crazy within like 12 seconds of doing all their chores because he requires Stimulation™️ but I’m completely convinced that it would act as enrichment for wilson. if I told him to go make me a sandwich he’d roll his eyes and then passive aggressively make a delicious one. actually that literally happened in son of a coma guy. case closed

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

@val-the-bun you are Evil. You are evil putting this in my inbox.

More were-harpy Vaggie but it's sad now and everything HURTS (copy pasted here bc the format in the ask got effed but i refuse to suffer this alone)

val-the-bun asked:

And then, of course, *the trial happens*.

And *the absolute shit timing of the fallout*.

Charlie is too stuck in her own spiral while vaggie just... Tries to hole up on her own (her usual 'nest' was in their suite. But she didnt want charlie to have to deal with her).

Charlie is curled up on vaggie's side of the bed, buried in blankets while she questions if anything they had was real.

While vaggie is in agony for the first time in three years since she'd started changing. Every fiber of her being wants to call for charlie. Yearns for that safety... but instead she bites her tongue and just curls in on herself, alone in the room she hastily barred shut. ~~She deserves this. To be alone.~~

Not sure which hazbin is the one to hear vaggie's pain and tries to check on her (let's go with angel and husk).

The hasty barricade she put on the door isnt enough. Not when the others are trying to force it open.

Vaggie tries to scream for them to go away. The last scrap of clarity she has before that warning turns into a predatory *shriek*. Vaggie's monster form tears apart the already falling barricade, and bursts into the hall.

'WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!'

'Fuck if I know, just run! Angel, hurry up!'

Vaggie is *tearing through the halls*, jaws snapping after Husk and Angel. They manage to hit the lobby, Husky grabbing Angel and flying like his life depends on it.

Meanwhile monster vaggie leaps after them... *right into the chandelier*.

Charlie hears the sound of that distant, shattering crash down below, and she *realizes*. Suddenly those painful worries have to get shoved down as charlie bolts out of their room.

'Please dont hurt anyone. Please, please, *please...!'*

Charlie's heart sinks as the shadows around the hotel start to writhe, and radio static fills the air.

'My my, what a surprising turn!'

Vaggie is *shrieking*, thrashing against shadowy tendrils as she tries to claw at Alastor.

'Now now. *Stay down*'

A rap of his cane, and vaggie's practically being crushed into the floor.

'What the fuck is wrong with you?!'

Husk is holding Angel back, looking away as Alastor starts to raise his hand. He cant watch this...

'Let her go.'

Alastor freezes when he feels the tip of an angelic spear under his chin.

There, standing at his side, in her full demon form, *is Charlie*.

'Ah, miss Charlotte. Lovely to see--'

'Let. Her. *Go!'*

For a moment, everything is quiet except for the sounds of vagging struggling, her talons digging into the floor. She's bleeding, golden blood pooling on the lobby floor... *And dripping from the claws on Alastor's hand.*

'Oh, very well. Good luck!'

Vaggie is snarling when Alastor lets her go. She starts getting ready to pounce when Charlie steps in front of her, spear in hand. Vaggie starts backing away, looking less like a predator and more... *like a cornered animal*. Her whole body seems coiled to run away as she keeps backing up, snarling and shrieking more in warning than anything else.

'Was it a lie?'

Vaggie shrieks at her, swiping at the air in the hopes Charlie would stay away.

'When you told me you didnt know what this was, was it a lie?'

Angel starts to step forward, but husk grabs his arm.

'Just let them do this...'

'Did. You. Lie?!'

Vaggie backs right into the wall, feathers flaring with a hiss.

'Was any of it real?'

Charlie can feel the tears on her cheeks. But what she wasnt expecting was to see tears in Vaggie's eye... Even as she snarled, and shrieked, and snapped her fangs, she was crying.

Charlie presses forward, Vaggie raising up over Charlie with a hawk-like screech, talons lashing out... But they dont connect, her talons *trembling* as they stilled inches from Charlie's face, her own spear aimed at her chest. Vaggie's eye is wild and afraid, but Charlie can see the *pain* there, too. She let out another shriek, closing her eye like she was bracing for the inevitable...

[charmac]

Do you think Mac has jacked off while reading the Bible? Or is he too ashamed? Or does the shame just turn him on more? Are the pages of his Bible all stuck together?

Oh, I don't think; we know:

(Pages stuck together, thanks for the confirmation, Charlie)

I think the shame definitely turns him on more, considering Mac Day:

And, the connected punishment, lest we forget The Gang Goes to Hell... (and the script here... whew)

While he was repressed then, he wasn't as of Charlie's Home Alone, so I think it's clear to claim that a part of his "homosexual awakening" was connected to the fact that he was gradually getting more and more into the idea of being punished (gone sexual) for his sins, to a point where he was just genuinely jerking off to the "evils of homosexuality"

I do wanna continue here though and say Season 15 is pretty interesting because we see Mac battle between being Catholic and proudly gay. He seemingly has no issue bragging to a Priest in the middle of a church that he's into triple penetration, but it is his sex life that is the driving "reasoning" for why he thinks he should become a Catholic Priest:

He's been "S-ing&F-ing" his way though life for too long and now he thinks God has taken away one of his identities (Irish) as a result. Mac's idea of being punished by/for God continues, but it's now through the form of revocation (as opposed to shame or flagellation). I think there's a clear "connect the dots" idea that depriving himself of sex (via becoming a Priest) is an "evolved" form of allowing God to punish him for being gay.

Obviously Mac learns he was lied to, as he actually is Irish, so his "journey" here is a bit of a wash, but the fact that his rationale jumped to God punishing him for having gay sex still stands. As he grows to accept himself, he's still looking for ways to feel shame (which, as we've seen, gets him off)...

But is the constant seeking for some form of punishment still there? We didn't see much of his Catholicism in Season 16 (I think the only mention of God from Mac was in The Gang Gets Cursed), but we did continue to see his sex life and—well, that was pretty heavy on Mac, openly gay dating, somehow managing to be neglected and deprived of actual gay sex, wasn't it?

[tennessoui]

it’s like baby gorl there’s no way I, the author who wrote the fic you’re commenting on and who is the intended audience for this comment, am gonna agree with you 😿🙏 some things can just stay on your chest 🙏

[vivitalks]

man. derek is such an interesting character in season 1, especially when you can look at him through the lens of having seen the whole show, because he's like an unreliable narrator for scott, even though he's not a narrator for the show.

the thing is, derek in season 1 is the primary vehicle for werewolf lore. as new viewers, we're reliant on his character to explain to us the rules and conceits of the genre, but once you've seen the whole show, that role is no longer necessary. but for scott, in season 1, derek is the sole source of werewolf intel. derek is werewolf jesus. which means that everything scott initially learns about being a werewolf is filtered through the Derek Hale Trauma Matrix, and neither of them know it.

for example: in 1x05, derek tells scott that pain is what keeps you human (which is a mantra that gets repeated and referenced a ton over the course of the rest of the show). scott has been a werewolf for all of five seconds, and has no choice but to take the word of this obviously much more knowledgeable werewolf. in that way, derek operates as a kind of narrator for scott, giving him information and context he couldn't really get any other way. but it's unreliable info. don't get me wrong - derek isn't trying to be an unreliable narrator; he's not aware of how much his life experience has colored his understanding of his own species. it's just that...well...derek is a twenty-something with the kind of trauma that eats other trauma for breakfast. of course he would say that pain is what keeps you human. at this point in the show, pain is all he has.

this is the same guy who, in the next episode, says this:

DEREK: You getting angry? That's your first lesson. You want to learn how to control this, how to shift-- you do it through anger, by tapping into a primal animal rage, and you can't do that with her around. SCOTT: [defensively] I can get angry. DEREK: Not angry enough. This is the only way that I can teach you.

except we know, and scott quickly learns (in that very same episode, in fact), that this isn't true. anger doesn't work for everyone, and it doesn't work for scott, who's not an angry person. the things that work for derek won't work for all werewolves - but how would derek know that? he's never had to teach someone to be a werewolf before. he's not actually werewolf jesus.

to scott, derek is the only trustworthy source of information on being a werewolf, because he's the only werewolf scott knows. and from derek's perspective, everything he knows about being a werewolf must be true, because it's true for him. derek is the narrator, and it's only as his backstory unfolds that the viewers, and scott, learn just how much his history and trauma have obscured the reality of things, even for derek himself.

pain is not what makes you human. it's what makes derek human. because the moments in derek's life that stand out to him most are all tinged with tragedy. mercy killing his high school girlfriend. losing his entire family in a house fire. the death of his sister. for derek, to be human is to be in pain, and to be angry about that is the only way to be in control. after all, he doesn't have anyone teaching him otherwise.

[bxnnie-bxwl]

Been obsessed with the idea of Freddy finding Bonnie's corpse and realizing who killed him leading to an act of incredible violence on his part and i simply need to know your thoughts on how such an event would go down

Tw / character death, mangled body

oh man... this i like a lot, since how bonnie got destroyed is so up in the air there are multiple people.. but freddy finding bonnie's body..

how everyone had given up so quickly but he never stopped looking.. now has found im in pieces, it must of been horrific for him, being in shock and i just imagine the tears just flowing down his face

and him finding out whoever did it must be horrific to him aswell.. how they could ever have done this to bonnie.. which i too believe would make something snap in freddy and almost like going berserk.. hes never felt such grief and anger like he has now and its making him lose it..

freddy will probably not stop until his grief stops.. so hes in a haze of rage and will get violent if you get in his way... and tears up whoever took bonnie from him without zero care in the world, he wouldnt care anymore.. cursing the corporate who did nothing.

[greenbergsays]

Imagine, if you will, that you are a single father to a disabled child

You love this child more than your own goddamn life, you want to be a good father to him, and you try so hard every step of the way to do that

You make mistakes. You know you make mistakes. But everyone makes mistakes, and you're doing your best for your kid.

And every step of the way, your parents are telling you that you aren't good enough, that your kid is better off without you and should be with them instead

You go from your hometown in Texas to Los-fucking-Angeles to get your son out of their reach, because your parents are overbearing and have a tendency to infantilize your son, and sure, you love your parents, but you're pretty sure they aren't good for your kid long term

After a near-death experience, you go so far as to change your will to ensure that even in the event of your death, your parents will not be able to get to your kid, that's how strongly you feel about this. At the end of the day, you think that the best place for your son isn't with your parents

Now say you fuck up again. It's a major fuck up, I'll give you that, but you fuck it up and you're giving your kid space to be furious at you because you know you deserve it. And then your parents show up at your house, unannounced, because your kid called them behind your back and they're going to take him back to Texas with them

They didn't even have the courtesy to call you and be like, "Hey, I just got a strange call from Christopher??? What's up with that?" They didn't warn you at all, just boom, we're here and we're taking the kid

These assholes really got that phone call and went, "Now's our chance."

WHY THE FUCK would you let your kid go with them? You KNOW that your parents aren't good for him, you KNOW your parents have tried to pressure you into giving up custody, why would you let your son go with them?????

Go stay with ANYONE ELSE if you want away from me, go to fucking summer camp again, but you are not going with the people that I'm half-afraid are gonna kidnap you and not give you back and especially not when they live 800+ miles away. Absolutely not.

Listen, Eddie. I love you, man, you know I do, and I KNOW you're going through it right now, but this is genuinely the dumbest decision you've ever made.

GET YOUR CHILD BACK BEFORE I GO INSANE.

[girlbloggercrowley]

i am a believer in the s3 1941 kiss

[potofsoup]

So.... I kind of accidentally fell into a Batfam fic hole for the past 3+ months and ... ::checks:: read >1000 fics??? Ooops?

Anyway, a fic rec list below the cut -- don't think anything is particularly surprising for anyone who is actually in the batfam fandom, since I stuck to the greatest hits, but in case you're like "Soup, how did you fall into a hole this deep for this long", under the cut are ~20 fics, organized by length. Mostly Tim-centric hurt/comfort because I'm basic like that. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

- Hot Cat on a Tin Roof by Arsenic (4k) This one is super cute -- basically Tim is an omega who has been hiding his heats because his parents were shit and never taught him otherwise, but then Jason finds out and of course mother-hens aggressively.

- phantom pain by envysparkler (5k) A great entry in the category of "Jason finds out that Tim's home life is miserable" -- in this case, he finds out that Tim's dad beats him through an accidental pain transference spell. Tim's dad gets his comeuppance.

- transaction by envysparkler (7k) The one where kid!Tim is touch-starved and goes to pay prostitute!Jason for hugs.

- The Second Stage by nightwalker (8k) Short and full of feels: basically Tim is touch-starved and determined not to bleed on anyone. Unfortunately his family finds out and he gets lots of cuddles.

- Brother Wanted by Vamillepudding (11k) Hilarious one where Tim puts out an ad for a brother and Jason accidentally answers. I love the little!Tim characterization here.

- 1-800-ROBIN by spqr (12k) A great entry in the "Jason Todd finds out and forcibly adopts Tim into the Batfam" category, all told through a series of phone calls. Great Jason Todd voice.

- Our Bodies & Other Fine Machines by SilverSkiesAtMidnight (13k) Tim's parents remain horrible! In this one, they make Tim food-insecure by cutting his food-buying budget and Tim, of course, tries to solve the problem himself. Eventually people figure it out and Tim ends up in a much better place.

- Tell Me I Am by potofrogs (15k) Basically trans!Tim gets kidnapped by Ras and made his "queen", saves himself and comes back to Gotham, and ... manages to recover, confront the Bats and stake out his own life in a generally healthy manner?!! I like that in this one, he doesn't immediately fall back into the Batfam gravity well and instead figures out what he actually wants.

- A Meditation on Railroading by eggmacguffin (25k) Wow this is an amazing fic about gaslighting. It's about Tim being abandoned in Atlanta by his shitty dad and deciding to train-hop his way home. I feel like I understand gaslighting better now.

- The Lone Ranger Never Had to Deal with Bruce Wayne by theskeptileptic (25k) This is a fic where Tim plans to fake his own death and run away to Canada to start a new life. Features hilarious little!Tim logic -- I love how his plans are both very smart but also very stupid at the same time, because he's 11.

- Missed Calls by nightwalker (26k) 5 times that Tim's dad didn't pick up the phone and one time he did. A particularly good rendition of the "Tim's parents are neglectful" trope. A good 5+1 really explores the range of the premise, and this fic delivers.

- His Head is Bloody, but Unbowed by gunpowder_and_pearls (26k) A great Jason POV fic! I love the way this fic captures what Jason's life would be like if he didn't end up getting adopted by Bruce -- the precariousness of trying to hold down two jobs as a 16-year-old and also dealing with a not-healthy home life. (It's okay, he befriends Nightwing and Robin)

- exception by cassiopeia721 (27k) A good character piece where Tim is taught that he's the "exception" -- exceptionally bright and mature, and therefore "kid" rules don't apply to him. Which doesn't do well for his emotional development, of course, as he deals with family neglect and also getting beaten up by Jason Todd.

- a Robin by any other name by redrobin1989 (33k) I love me some identity porn, and in this one, Tim still becomes Robin but refuses to tell Batman who he is. It really does some fun stuff with the "Batman and Tim!Robin is just a professional relationship" premise. (They figure it out in the end)

- Red Letter Day by silverwhittlingknife (41k, 9/? chapters) This is a wip, but deffo worth reading! Basically Dick is trying to be single-parent to Damian and barely keeping all the balls in the air. There's a mysterious calendar date that's marked as super important but he can't remember what it is. He thinks it's for Damian (but it's pretty clear by chapter 2 that it's for Tim). It's got an interesting Dick & Tim dynamic in that they hang out and obviously care about each other, but also there's too many things left unsaid (but Dick is really trying his best!)

- Banshee In A Well by liverobinreaction (bugbee) (43k) In this one, Tim keeps dying and coming back to life. It doesn't leave any emotional trauma around self-worth at all, no sirree. Nor does it feed into Tim's self-sacrifice tendencies at all, either, of course not.

- Dead Boys Don't Scream by Year_of_Summer (49k, 15/26 chapters) Wow I love this fic. Tim feeling neglected by Batfam? check. Tim running off and trying to solve problems himself with an overly-convoluted plan and zero survival instinct? check. Tim making friends despite himself? check. Super cool siren/merpeople mythology? check. All the angst upon Tim's return? check. This fic hasn't hit the comfort part of hurt/comfort, but it's expertly written and I definitely trust the author to deliver! Definitely worth a subscribe.

- The Return by lurkinglurkerwholurks (52k) So lots of fics have this arc of "Tim feels shut out from the Batfam and eventually does something so drastic that the Batfam is forced confront their issues." Which I love! But sometimes I want the Batfam to notice earlier, for them to try to fix things but it's hard and rocky because they're different people with different traumas and hangups. This fic delivers beautifully.

- buy back the secrets by sundiscus (71k, 5/6 chapters) I love the characterizations in this one, particularly Kon! It's a super cute Tim/Kon fic where Kon doesn't know that Tim is Red Robin. Great plotting, too! It only has 1 more chapter to go, so you know things are going to be resolved and okay :)

- Northern Attitude (I Was Raised on Little Light) by theskeptileptic (79k, 16/18 chapters) I absolutely love this writer. Tim is, of course, miserable in this fic (because he wants to be part of the Batfam but his parents basically blackmailed Tim into staying with them and continuing all the child abuse), but everything eventually works out! Tim is a great self-rescuing princess, and my heart of hearts goes out to the AMAZING Jason POV in chapter 20 (which works as a standalone, though it slightly spoils a bit of the plot), where you really FEEL how much Jason loves literature and uses that to guide his life.

[and two bonus super long ones:]

- Liminal Space by Calamityjim (77k) Oh man this fic series has such great comics-style plot! There's inter-dimensional travel, time travel, an utterly manic!Tim who comes up with the best/worst plans. I also ~love~ the YJ!Bart from a dystopian future who uses "crash" and "mode". Oh, and Tim is deeply flawed (and should not be allowed to do dimensional travel), but he still finds a loving, supportive family. (Warning: if you do go further in this fic series, the last fic of the series, "Collapse", is aggressively NOT kind to Clark Kent.)

- Finding the Line by Miss_Lazy_Tuesday (130k) In this one, Dick actually catches Damian trying to kill Tim, and as a result, actually gets Damian and Tim to reconcile before Tim runs off. Then the Batkids basically work together to bring Bruce back, find a magical macguffin, defeat the League of Assassins, and stop a complete re-write of reality. Great characterization and a fun comic plot.

[raayllum]

Anyway I wanna talk about hands in Finnegrin’s Wake

This is not my last or even my deepest meta dive on the episode by any means but I’m a bitch who appreciates consistent symbolism and the Hand Motif is on fire this episode so like, let’s talk about it.

The first thing to establish is the (understandable) importance of hands in Callum’s mage arc, given that you draw runes with your hands and hold magical objects, etc. This is in line with primal magic yes

but also with dark magic, highlighted explicitly in S4. 

By being tied to primal / Sky magic, Callum’s hands (and ability to use them to help his friends, do magic, etc) is tied to freedom. This is also linked to chains/bondage with Rayla’s wrist binding and dark magic, metaphorically, for Callum. So it makes sense that 5x08, an episode that is very much about primal and dark magic and subsequent themes of freedom vs control is likewise obsessed with this hand motif.

However, I want to talk about Rayla, and Callum, and how the hand motif, dark magic use, and Callum’s connection to the Ocean arcanum are set up this season. Briefly on the last one (that can be a meta on its own I want to dive into, pun intended, in tandem with adding S4′s development to it) because post for another day, but I think it’s worthwhile to mention.

For starters, there’s Finnegrin having a direct callback to Callum’s line from 5x04 with Rayla (which is also being paralleled to Viren and Claudia’s “I’ll do anything” in 5x03 an episode prior). And with Callum’s hand clasped over his wrist, foreshadowing the ‘anything’ he’ll do will be to literally undo his chains (and to metaphorically take some on) in order to save Rayla by the end of the episode. 

But we see Callum repeat this “wrist rubbing” motion a few times this episode (pin in it for later) in addition to the repeated emphasis in S5 with Callum always being the one to reach for / take Rayla’s hand. Although she and Callum are undoubtedly in a much better place than they were in S4 in repairing their relationship, Rayla still initiates almost zero contact with him across the course of S4 and S5 (grabbing his elbow and wiping his drool away when he’s asleep in 4x03; placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder in 4x09; resting her head on his shoulder in 5x02; touching his face in 5x08 to provide comfort). 

This is a far cry from how touchy-feely she is with him in Arc 1, initiating much more contact than he does, but in S4 and S5 we see this switch around; almost anytime they’re being physically affectionate, Callum is the one initiating.

However, one thing hasn’t changed, and it’s that Callum is almost always the one, across seasons, to initiate handholds (3x01 and the back half of S3 once they’re a couple being the exceptions). And S4 (4x09) and S5 are no exception.

Okay, great, he holds her hand. So what? Well...

In 5x08, Callum does dark magic again outright and connects to the Ocean arcanum primarily out of love for her. As confirmed by the writers on twitter, Callum had to accept exactly what he says in 5x08 about the ocean - that it’s about unfathomable depths, embracing the unknown (even or especially when it scares you) and accepting that there are things you can’t control. And the lack of answers about Rayla’s whereabouts, “I don’t know how to feel about Rayla either,” and “I have to go after him” “I know” helped pave the way for Callum to reach those conclusions in 5x01 and 5x08 alike: “To love is to simply know this: the tides are true as the ocean is deep.” And that realization included accepting that he’d done dark magic (and would do dark magic) to protect her.

So it’s not surprising, therefore, that while connecting to the Ocean arcanum, Callum looks at his hand, and rubs the same wrist as before, almost like he’s mimicking the crushing motion he would’ve done with the slug. 

Or indeed that it’s a gesture Viren does in his dark magic induced dreams, and during Callum’s arcanum speech, either, if inversed. 

Callum is accepting that the depths he can’t see, his “I would do anything for you” promises and inclinations, are a (dark) path he can’t entirely see and understand, but something he knows lives inside him, and has for a long time: “But not everything’s changed.” 

Darkness equals dark magic equals chains, and Callum has enough self awareness (that Viren did not) to know more so of what he’s walking into, and that’s precisely why it scares him. Why, by the end of 5x08, even as it’s revealed how he got his chains off, it’s clear they’re not gone. Not really. Not to him. Especially considering now he knows exactly where dark magic leads in ways he didn’t before in 2x07: Aaravos. (“As long as we protect each other, as long as we love each other, you can never control us” and now Callum knows that isn’t necessarily true, because he gave up the info to Finnegrin, and he willingly took another step down a dangerous path.)

Which is why I love that Rayla is the one to reach for him, to gently touch his shoulder and then his face and pull him into a hug. And I love the way Callum hesitates to place his hands - powerful, ‘tainted,’ chained - around her like another link in said chain, so different and yet so similar from their hug in 2x04 about a lack of magic, and now having arguably too much. And all of it - the dark magic use, the metaphorical and literal chains, the devotional key of the Ocean arcanum, the hands - synonymous with his love for Rayla.