#i also had a flute that i could play but also didn’t learn it officially and also had to sell that to pay rent

[milfsco]

whaaaat did you play in marching band now you've got me eyes emoji curious for no reason

i played clarinet bc that’s what my grandpa bought me and i hated it but i was good at it and was first chair my senior year. i really liked and preferred the sound of alto sax but i didn’t get one until after i graduated and couldn’t afford lessons and then i had to sell it to help my mom pay rent so rip that potential sexciness

[wandering-spirit77]

Take My Love and My Name

Literally felt confident enough to share this, it's just a BG3 Gale x Tav (Dark Urge) fanfic so if you want to read you can! I just wanted to post it for fun! Cross-posted on AO3

Summary

(MILD SPOILERS FOR THE DARK URGE AND ACT 3 PLOT READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!)

Domestic life was uncharted territory for Clarrie Fifer. She loves Gale Dekarios with everything she has, willing to stop at nothing to show her devotion to her future husband. And with their future approaching, she wrestles with the fear of being rejected as a unique request for Gale comes to mind.

CW: Referenced sexual themes but not shown, not beta-read so anything typos wise just go with it.

Also! If you want to give this any CONSTRUCTIVE criticism you can but please be gentle about it! I'm fragile

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Clarrie loved Gale Dekarios. Truly, unashamedly, and wholeheartedly adored him. He was one of the reasons she smiled in the morning and why she was composing new music to play on her flute. He was the one she curled up next to every night, falling asleep to soft whispers of their future together. He was the reason she had finally found a home for the first time since she was young. She loved the clever wizard currently at his desk in their little library. Gods, theirs. It was still such an unfamiliar thing to her. To be able to share a place so sacred and loved like the walls of the tower with the man she loved.

It was almost enough to ease her worries, to soothe that growing bubble of anxiety in her chest. She knew Gale had noticed. He had asked her what had been bothering her these past couple of days. She glanced down at the band around her finger, a small smile stretched across her face as she recalled how Gale knelt and kissed her hand after proposing to her. The day right after defeating the Netherbrain. Waking up beside him that first morning without a tadpole threatening to turn them into mind flayers, an insatiable urge to kill everyone, or a dormant orb of Karsite Weave resting in his chest that didn’t beg for magical boots to feast on. It was a day she knew she’d never forget.

“My love?” Clarrie was broken out of her thoughts by Gale’s voice, meeting his brown eyes with her pinky-gray ones. “Did you need something?” Gale’s easy smile calmed some of the anxious thoughts burning in her mind as she leaned off the door frame and strode over to him. Gale’s hands reached out to wrap around her middle once she was within arm’s reach, pulling her in. “I didn’t mean to disturb you. I know you’re prepping your lesson plans for your first semester.”

“You could never disturb me. In fact, you are my, much needed, reminder that I should take a break. It wouldn’t do good for any young, aspiring magic user to suffer in the pursuit of arcane knowledge if I don’t also allow myself time to rest. Lest they learn to cast fireballs far too early.” Clarrie giggled at that, tilting her head down a bit to rest her forehead against his soft brown locks. Her hands moved to rest on his shoulders as she stood there for a bit, not wanting to break the peace with her worries. But she couldn’t keep silent forever.

She pulled back a bit from his embrace, her hands moving to his cheeks and thumbs idly brushing against the bone there. The rough feeling of his beard scratching against the pads of her fingers was enough to ground her as she tried to not let the worry take over. “I… I want to talk to you about something that’s been on my mind for a little while.” “Yes?” Gale’s hands moved to cover her own, moving one of her hands so he could briefly kiss her palm. She smiled a bit at the gesture, how he knew exactly what she needed to calm down was a marvel and something she refused to take for granted. “I… I know it’s a little bit expected for me to take your last name when we marry. And believe me, it’s an honor to be a part of the Dekarios clan officially. But… I was wondering…”

She really wished she had come up with a better plan to broach the topic. Clarrie was known to go with the flow, when need be, but this was important. Or important to her, and that made her curious to know if he deemed it to hold the same significance. She was glad Gale was giving her the time to speak, to format her ideas without jumping to the conclusion she didn’t want his last name. It was far from the truth after all. “I was curious to know if you’d… you’d be interested in taking my name too? Becoming an official member of the Fifer clan and turning it from one person into two?” Clarrie chuckled a bit at her terrible joke at the end.

“You don’t have to, of course! And I’m not asking for you give up your name either, but maybe we hyphen it instead? That way we both have each other’s last name?” Clarrie’s form tensed, fearful of his reaction to her request. Her tail swishing behind her anxiously as the silence lingered, though her fears were quickly dashed away as Gale pulled her down into his lap, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “I’d be just as honored to become a part of the Fifer clan, just as I’m delighted and honored to have you become part of my family.” Gale moved his hand to her to take her own, bringing her knuckle up to his lips and kissing the ring against her finger.

A ring shining with peacock ore and a glittering gold band with purple runes glowing with some sort of enchantment she didn’t understand. Magic came to her in the form of a perfect melody, harmonious and performed exactly how she desired. Though she knew the magic on her finger was a way Gale showed his love in his own way to match the shiny crystal they had woven together. The material knotting together to symbolize their future eternal union.

All of eternity tied with this man before her and Clarrie still believed it wouldn’t be enough to sing his praises. To show him just how grateful she was to be in his life as his lover. And as she stared into his eyes, she wondered if maybe Gale was thinking the same thing.

She surged forward to kiss him, the biggest smile on her face as she did so. It was a clashing of teeth and soft laughter but neither of them seemed to mind. Her tail swished excitedly as she tried to pull back to speak… after maybe another peck or two. “Thank you.” The words were soft, but the intention behind them wasn’t. It was a loud, joyous choir in her heart that wouldn’t ever stop singing for him. Gale Dekarios, a man she most certainly didn’t deserve but would spend the rest of her days thanking Orin of all people for taking her place. For putting that damn tadpole in her head in the first place so she could have this moment, this life with him.

“Do you have a preference which one of our namesakes should be first in order?” Gale asked, pulling her from her reverie. “I didn’t really, I was focused on trying to work up the courage to ask you about it in the first place.” A bashful look crossed her face as Gale chuckled. “No matter, we have ample time to decide. Though I will say I’m partial to ‘Fifer-Dekarios’, it has a bit of a ring to it don’t you think?”

"You don’t want your name first? I don’t mind!” She truly didn’t, “It’s not something I need to come first in order or anything!" She was on the verge of rambling now, trying to think of any way to convince him that she was more than willing to accommodate having the Dekarios name come first.

“Clarrie,” Gale interrupted, his hand squeezed the one entwined with his own as his other hand moved to cup her cheek. “My love, you told me that the Fifer name is all you have left of your family. And as I said, I’m honored that you wish to include me in it. I think that it’s only right for your namesake to be spoken first.” Clarrie was sure her eyes were wide as saucers as she looked at him. She had assumed this conversation would be more of a back and forth. Though his swift agreement and even his desire to have her family name be uttered first was unexpected.

But in the back of her mind Clarrie knew she shouldn't have been surprised, it was Gale after all. He would do anything to make sure she was happy the same way she'd do the same for him. Especially when it came to something important to one another. It was a trait she was more than grateful for.

“You just enjoy the fact you’ll get to mention I’m your wife whenever someone questions it.” “I will admit that is a selfish reason of mine as well.” Clarrie playfully swatted at his arm with her tail at his comment, a toothy grin spreading across her face as Gale laughed. She hummed, her hands moving to rest on his chest and idly tugged on the collar of his tunic. “If we’re sharing some of our selfish desires. Then the future Mrs. Fifer-Dekarios wishes to show you how grateful she is that you wish to take her name.”

Gale’s hands moved to her hips, a low hum of his own slipping out as he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her neck. “Then would the future Mrs. Fifer-Dekarios wouldn’t mind if soon-to-be Mr. Fifer-Dekarios also shares his thanks for her wish to be with him as well?” Clarrie tilted her neck to the side, eyes glinting with mirth, “I don’t believe she would.” She replied, a loud laugh reverberating around the private library as Gale guided her to stand before taking her hand to lead her out of the room. Though his wide smile would be forever ingrained in her memory as the two of them moved to their bedroom to celebrate one another.

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[thedoubteriswise]

okay so. I am a smart adult with many important responsibilities. I have good taste and care about things that matter. for this reason, I’ve been trying to identify where in cql canon wangxian manage to fuck.

because they definitely do; I like a good post-canon getting together fic as much as the next guy, but it’s just not realistic.

allow them. it’s already been so long.

(just like this goddamn post turned out to be, let’s do a cut)

right. so initially it looks like you could place this right after the time skip in episode 33, because it shows us that wwx is with lwj in cloud recesses. we know that he spent the night in the jingshi because he wakes up there the next morning before he goes for a nostalgic tour of his old school.

and also visits the cold spring, where lwj is mostly naked. nice.

but wait! wwx is surprised by the scars on his back and chest. that seems like something he would have known about if they’d already been naked together the night before, so I’m going to say they did not fuck immediately upon wwx’s return to cloud recesses. okay, fine, they’re taking things slow, that’s cool.

maybe they could work it into the next night, then. oh wait, lqr is injured and... staying in the jingshi? for reasons?

I don’t know why. he must have his own house in cloud recesses, and it’s probably at least as comfortable as lwj’s, but here he is. he lives to stop his nephew from getting laid, I guess.

the next day they do some Q&A with the kids and determine that they need to head to qinghe to figure out what’s going on with this sword thing. great! we love a romantic road trip, plenty of alone time. but they also have to do their jobs, and then jin ling needs to get rescued from a wall of dirt, and jc is unfortunately there being himself, and then they have to grill nhs about his tomb full of angry sabers, etc. etc.

with all that going on, their next obvious chance is at the inn immediately after interviewing nhs. this evening has already included:

wwx gazing lovingly at lwj from afar

lwj carrying wwx on his back

lwj pawing at wwx’s robes trying to deal with his cursed leg

lwj helping wwx up the stairs, serving him wine, fixing his flute, and generally being at his beck and call

a very sexy and homoerotic duet

and now they’re alone and drooling over each other as usual. this seems like a plausible spot, right?

it does! but no. after they go back to the nie basement o’ swords and hear the backstory on nmj’s death, we see them walking in yueyang and lwj asks wwx how the curse mark on his leg is doing. wwx says it’s almost healed, which may or may not be a lie, but his inner monologue says:

he’s more concerned about the wound on his arm from the sacrificing curse, which lwj doesn’t know about, because wwx won’t tell him and they still haven’t been naked together.

also, this silly teenage shit doesn’t make much sense unless they’re still dancing around each other.

you guys love the sound of opportunities as they go flying past, don’t you?

right after this, lwj gets drunk. I’m aware that Stuff Happens in the novel scene that inspired this bit, and they do incorporate some of that into the show by having lwj commit petty larceny and admit that he “likes rabbits” as part of the softest and most loving conversation in human history oh my god

but lwj goes to sleep right on time, and the next morning, wwx is laughing and reassuring him that nothing happened.

after this, it’s time to go on a fucked up field trip with the kids in yi city, so they don’t really have any time alone for a few episodes until they’ve finished that and everyone is back at yet another inn. I wonder if they learned something about wasted chances and poor communication from this miserable songxiao story?

maybe! look, they’re being cute and domestic. there are currently no material barriers preventing them from having sex, nor will there be any specific evidence later on proving that they didn’t.

but they’re still firmly in mystery-solving mode and the juniors and lxc are floating around. the vibe isn’t quite there. if I were to pick the most solid reason why I think they’re saving room for jesus at this point, it would be the tension that happens when wwx again asks how lwj recognized him. lwj asks why his memory is so bad, and wwx replies that he wishes he had a bad memory. even though they’re comfortable and happy being together, there’s still some fundamental distance remaining. there’s no sense of romantic resolution. that was actually a point against all their previous opportunities as well; they’re all very sweet, but none of these feel like the place in a story where the romantic leads Officially Get Together.

okay, off to koi tower! shit is getting extremely real. everyone’s busy insinuating that they recognize wwx, but no one is saying it explicitly. wwx isn’t supposed to be here. the guy he’s pretending to be also isn’t supposed to be here. he and his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s brother are trying to figure out if his boyfriend’s brother’s boyfriend is a murderer. no one is comfortable and the political intrigue leaves no time for fucking in front of anyone’s salad.

I guess there’s plenty of time to make dozens of armed guards and like half the people they know wait while they have a romantic moment, though.

could they be more in love? And that sure feels like a romantic resolution that might be followed by narratively-earned sex.

ah. no, unfortunately wwx gets stabbed again. this certainly sucks, but it does have the helpful consequence of making lwj take him back to cloud recesses, where they are mostly alone and as safe as they can be in the circumstances. now there’s even more tenderness and also some plot-justified touching and skin exposure. plus, lwj just made a very public declaration of love.

too bad wwx has probably been unconscious since he started coughing up blood in the forest near lanling. he’s also still visibly in pain. fresh abdominal wounds tend to kill the mood.

but hey, the injuries on this show are only as serious as they need to be to move the plot forward and facilitate gentle h/c scenes, so by evening he’s looking perfectly healthy and walking around under his own steam like nothing’s wrong. I guess that problem can be ignored moving forward.

lxc then offers the the most devastating highlights of lwj’s backstory, like, all at once. it’s nice that he includes a flute solo to give wwx a second to process this mountain of terrible information. what the fuck.

there he is! the most devoted man in the whole world! turns out they can actually be more in love after all.

and then the following scene... look, I’m lazy and I don’t know how to make gifs, but screenshots cannot properly convey how good it is. you all know. the hesitant way wwx approaches, the slow and gentle piano version of wangxian, the two of them watching the snow together, it’s. ugh.

remember how I was talking about how the last scene with no material barriers was an unlikely candidate because of the lack of romantic resolution?

well, here’s wwx still being cagey at the beginning of this conversation.

and here they are in the middle of this conversation, having some epiphanies about the course of wwx’s life - I love this shot for a lot of reasons, but I extra love it because it shows wwx out in the snow, with lwj as the safety and warmth waiting behind him, god this show goes hard, holy shit

they both recall their vow to live with a clean conscience and internally say some very corny things about each other because they are both So Much, and then,

ah, what the hell. he can say it out loud after all. romantic resolution accomplished.

and then the camera slowly pulls away as wuji plays.

a slow zoom out? swelling music? listen, I am a connoisseur, I know a tasteful fade-to-black indicating a sex scene that won’t happen on camera when I see one. at last, we have a winner!

now you may think this post is finally over, but I actually have one more piece of evidence for you - the next scene shows the two of them the morning after, meditating behind a screen in the hanshi while lxc is waiting for jgy to show up.

before wwx got de-cored, he was a pretty powerful cultivator, right? the chances that he’s just bad at meditating or that he can’t stay focused on this task seem slim to me. so why does he keep falling asleep?

well. he had kind of a late night.

[bbrandy2002]

Fool’s Rush In -- Chapter 16

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Liam x MC

Warning: Some language, mild sexual talk

Since it’s been awhile since I last posted an update, in the previous chapter Madeleine had confronted Riley with a video after she left the ball. 

Thank you @burnsoslow for the preread and beta.

-------------

Riley sat on a leather bench at the foot of the bed with a television remote held loosely between her hands, folded in her lap. 

Somehow her worn-out body managed to walk from the corridor after the encounter with Madeleine, up the many stairs of the quarters she shared with Liam and to their bedroom. The shock of the situation combined with exhaustion and throbbing pain in her lower back was secondary to the fear she felt at possibly giving up the man she loved. 

With trembling hands, she had slipped the DVD into the player and watched her nightmare play out on the screen -- It was all true. Madeleine acquired an illicit video of Riley and her ex-husband that the Queen had no clue was recorded of her or existed.

Her thumb grazed over the pause button several times, but she knew pressing it wouldn’t stop the hurt and embarrassment she felt at that moment at watching her former husband violating her trust and privacy. It wouldn’t stop Madeleine from releasing the video of it to the press and public. And it wouldn't stop the love she felt for Liam -- no one was powerful enough to take that feeling away from her.

But it was those words Madeleine threatened her with that got equal consideration with that video in Riley’s mind. She tried to envision how the scenario would carry out if the video was released and for those who would be affected by it: her father, her friends, her former students. 

Liam.

“It’s a shame that he’ll lose his reign, all because of you.”

“Would you really do that to Liam?”

“Do you genuinely believe you’re worth all the trouble it will cause him?”

Riley hit the pause button, her hands flying up to cover her tear-laden face as she bent over in sobs, shaking her head. She was wrestling with that inner voice, replaying Madeleine’s words like a broken record while struggling to remember everything Liam told her about trusting him and his love for her.

No matter how hard she tried to let his tender voice speak to that sacred place in her heart, Madeleine’s threats and taunts were getting the best of her. If there was even a slight possibility that the Countess was right, and Liam would get dragged through the mud in all of this, then there was no question what needed to be done. 

Those scattered bricks that formed the walls she came to Cordonia with, the ones Liam had broken down, were quickly stacking up again, one on top of the other. If something didn’t happen soon, Riley would be surrounded and suffocated inside that impenetrable cocoon that initially caused herself to doubt her worthiness to him in the first place.

All of those insecurities and fears crept up faster than a flooded riverbank, and she felt powerless to stop it from rising. Even if she could, she’d never allow Liam to suffer the consequences of something she had the power to prevent. To hell with whatever happened to her, but not him. He saved her weeks ago, and as her teary gaze slid from her hands to the wardrobe closet across the room, this would be her way of saving him.

Riley picked up the remote from her lap and tossed it aside. Determined to get out of the palace and Cordonia before anyone could see her, she swallowed her anger and grief and swiped a knuckle under each eye to dry the tears shed. 

She rose to her feet faster than she should have, feeling an intense shock of pain that began in her hip and shot down to her feet. There were no doubts that the fall from struggling with Madeleine injured her far worse than she wanted to admit to herself. With a shrieking whimper, she ground her teeth together and doubled over, feeling like she might faint. 

Riley grasped her back and gave herself a second to breathe through the pain before straightening up and staggering to her wardrobe to pack whatever she could as quickly as possible.

_____________

Liam stepped off the dance floor with Olivia's arm curled through his and escorted her back to their table. The conclusion of the ball was nearly upon him, and most guests had already stopped on their way out to say their farewells and offer congratulatory well-wishes. When they'd ask about the Queen's whereabouts, he'd tell them she had something come up that needed her attention. No one dared press him on the issue.

Checking the time on his watch, Liam looked up as Maxwell ran over with his phone in hand and dropped into a seat. He looked curiously at the out of breath Beaumont and asked, "What's going on, Maxwell?"

"Sorry," he replied before plucking a flute of champagne from a passing server's tray and gulping it down quickly. Wiping the droplets that dribbled from his mouth to his chin off with the back of his hand, he panted. "I ran here as fast as I could. I just got a text message from Drake. He's heading back soon."

"Did he say what the results of the paternity test were?" Olivia asked.

Maxwell nodded. "Yeah. They're Bastien's for sure. Las Vegas officials are allowing Drake to leave, but they've detained Bas until he pays up the $200,000 he owes to Boom Boom. Drake's return flight is scheduled to leave tomorrow morning, Cordonia time."

Liam pulled out his wallet and tossed $100 at a smug Leo, who promptly counted them out and stuffed the bills into his pocket. "I told you those little dudes weren't mine, bro. Really, your doubt in me hurts." 

"I'll admit you were right, Leo. But you do have a track record when it comes to being involved in weird stuff like this."

"Yeah, I've gotten myself into some pretty hairy shit a time or two," he laughed as the memories came to him. "Ahh, good times, good times. But, y'know, it wasn't always just fun and games with me, Liam. During those few occasions when I'd show up to train on being the top dog of this place, Father taught me several valuable lessons. Wanna know what they were?"

"Not really," Liam answered dryly, then tossed back the rest of his scotch to prepare himself. "But I assume you're going to tell me anyway."

"Damn right I am! This is good shit to know, straight from the Big Kahuna himself." He leaned forward and lowered his voice. "You must never tell anyone what I'm about to share with you all. This is top secret, classified Cordonian shit we're talking about; lives are on the line here. Father would be pissed if --"

"Just spit it out already!" Olivia snapped.

"Alright, first, never jizz in a jacuzzi unless you want to be covered in a thin spiderweb-like amalgamation of your own gravy. Daddio said he learned the hard way on that one ..."

"Oh, God. Leo!" Sickened, Liam dropped his head.

" ... Next, when you kiss a woman's hand, do it on the thumb side. Most people scratch their asses with their fingers, but rarely their thumbs. I might be an exception to the rule on that one." Leo chuckled to himself. "And lastly ... Rys spermies are MEAN sons-of-bitches, and we should dip my balls in a mug of hot water every day to kill them before having sex." 

"What the hell?" Olivia grimaced as she lowered her coffee mug away from her lips and pushed it away. 

"My dad told me the same thing," Maxwell boasted. "Except he called them Beaumont spermies. I guess he heard the same story from someone different than your dad."

Liam lowered the hands that were covering his face and breathed out heavily, "Leo, did our father ever teach you about anything other than using protection and sex during these meetings? Anything about negotiations, taxes, treaties ..."

Leo considered him for a moment. "Nope. He said you'd do all that stuff."

Liam grumbled. "Of course he did."

Olivia looked between Leo and Maxwell and scowled. "Well, it's too bad neither of your fathers took their own advice." She grabbed her clutch from the table. "At least I'll rest easier knowing the two of you aren't reproducing. Now, if you'll excuse me."

"I'll walk out with you, Liv." Liam rose and left the ballroom, having had more than enough of his fill of Leo for the night. There was also an incredibly sexy woman upstairs he'd been dreaming of pleasing all day, and he was overly eager to make good on his promise to join her shortly. 

______________

Liam made his way through the residential wing and down the long hallway to his quarters. While undoing his tie, he stopped midway when he noticed a vase that usually sat on a decorative table along the wall, tipped over on its side with bundles of long-stemmed roses littered on the ground around it. 

As he stooped down to pick them up, he found it oddly peculiar -- they didn't just fall over like this on their own. If a member of the staff had knocked them over, they would have picked them up; he felt certain Riley would have, as well.  

After rearranging the flowers in the vase and situating them back on the table, Liam removed his key card from his pocket and swiped it through the key fob next to the door.

"Riley! I'm home," he called out in a sensual tone, knowing she was most likely upstairs -- hopefully naked and ready to get her ass spanked -- and wouldn't have heard him.  

Taking a moment to check his reflection in the entryway mirror, Liam smoothed back his hair and tested his breath against his palm, satisfied he was good. After a quick stop in the kitchen to grab a can of whipped cream and chocolate sauce, Liam ascended the stairs, two at a time, to his bedroom. 

"Daddy's ready for his dessert ..." his exuberant voice trailed off as the sultry smirk he donned quickly faded away when he walked into an empty room. "Riley?"

Glancing around the bedroom, the en suite door was still open, and the light was off, so he knew she wasn't in there. The bed was still in pristine form and didn't look touched. He wasn't at all worried; Riley likely went for a snack, even though that thought seemed rather odd considering how adamant she was about returning to their quarters earlier.

Liam placed the toppings on a side table and slipped out his phone. He plopped down on the bench at the foot of their bed, thinking maybe he'd missed a message or call from her. 

There was nothing.

He scratched his head; it wasn't like Riley not to mention to him if she'd gone somewhere, not that she had to. But in this case, she knew he'd be up soon. Thinking about the overturned vase Liam walked upon, something started to not sit well with him. 

With the cell still in his hand, he pulled her contact information up. Just as he was about to hit the dial button, he heard "Liam" in a low, raspy voice.

Relief washed over him as he stood and put his phone away. "Love, you worried me. Everything okay?" Her face was ashen, and her eyes red and swollen. Liam's insides immediately clinched.

Riley didn't answer as Liam crossed the room, frantically approaching her, worry engraved on his features. “Riley, love, what’s wrong? What happened?” His eyes were desperately searching for any clue as to what was clearly something wrong with his wife.

She held out her hand, preventing him from coming too close. “Please ... don’t.”

Bewildered, he asked, “What are you doing, sweetheart?”

Riley turned her head away somberly; she couldn't bear to look at him. She had planned to get out of the palace before he returned from the ball; there was no way she would be able to face him. Liam would want an explanation that she couldn't give him. But when she got to the car, Riley noticed there was something important she forgot to give back to him, and there was no way she would take it. Maybe somewhere inside, even if she couldn't admit it, she needed to see him and do this right. “I ... have to go.” Her words were barely audible.

Liam's brows bumped together. “Go? You’re going somewhere this late? But you were tired before --”

“No,” Her head shook faster than she realized before she spat the rest out. “I’m leaving Cordonia. I’m returning to Las Vegas, and I’m not coming back.”

“Riley? What the hell is going on? You were fine and having a good time 30 minutes ago, and now, all of a sudden, you want to go back to Nevada. What am I missing here? Does this have something to do with what happened at dinner? Because I told you --”

“You’re not missing anything. I came here to prevent you from marrying Madeleine, and I did that. That was the agreement, and now ... I’m going home.”

Liam started to laugh and wagged his finger at her. “Leo put you up to pranking me? He's mad about me sending that damn monkey away and is trying to get me back, right? Because if he did, that's just … just heartless. And I don’t find it funny.”

“No, Liam.." She shook her head again. "Leo didn’t put me up to this, and it's not a prank.” Riley carefully pulled off the wedding bands she came back to give him and held them out to him.

He looked at them and gritted his teeth. “Put them back on,” he commanded.

“I can’t do that, Liam. They belonged to your mother, and I’m not taking something so sentimental with me back to Vegas.”

“You’re damn right you're not taking them back to Vegas with you because you’re not going!”

“I am.”

“No, you’re not!”

Riley choked out into a wispy sob, “I’m so sorry, Liam. I'm so sorry!”

He said nothing as he stared at her in disbelief and saw that she was serious. “Why?” He asked as his throat clenched and the first tear slipped down his cheek.

Her body felt leaden, never having seen him this shattered. “Liam, I just want to go home, okay? I mean ... this has been an amazing experience, and I’ll never forget it, but I miss my home, and my job, and my friends ..."

“Fuck your home! I’ll buy you one here that looks just like it. Visit your friends all you want ... hell, bring them here if you want to; I don’t care. That's NOT what's going on! There’s something you’re not telling me. And I want to know, NOW!”

Riley startled at his yell, wanting to hold him and make it better. “Liam, I don’t want to be in Cordonia anymore, or be the Queen, or live in this palace. I want to go home.”

He motioned around the room.“THIS is your home, Riley ... Cordonia.  I’m your home! This palace is your home." Liam scrubbed a frustrated hand furiously over his face. "Again, you were fine 30 minutes ago. What changed between you leaving the ball and coming up here? You're not telling the truth for some reason, but I can’t figure out why. Did I do something to upset you? Did someone else do something to upset you?"

"No!" she responded expeditiously.

"I love you, Riley. You know that, right?" She nodded; the glisten in his blue eyes and the desperation in his trembling voice was destroying her willpower. "Do you …  still love me?"

Riley slammed her eyes shut. She loved him with every fiber of her being, and to tell him so in this very moment would only serve to prolong this hellacious situation. The only way to protect him from losing everything -- in her mind -- was to let him go. He would fight her on this, and it broke her heart to see the pain and confusion in his eyes, but it had to be done.

“Do. You. Love. Me?” he enunciated his question once more. The struggle and agony on her face were evident to him.

Riley turned away from Liam and faced the door. Did she have it in her to answer that question with a lie?

"... the council will have no choice but to question Liam's decision-making abilities after not only squandering his pick of a queen on some American nobody but now one whose ass will be featured on the desktops of teenage boys across the world. It's a shame he'll lose his reign, all because of you. Would you really do that to Liam? Are you worth the trouble?"

The sadness crushed her. There was no other way to protect him. Riley swiped at her face and answered firmly.

“No.”

With that, the Queen walked out, leaving the King in an empty room with his shock, his confusion, and an unimaginable pain he'd never get over.

-----------

Tags:

@burnsoslow @dcbbw @ao719 @jessiembruno @texaskitten30 @janezillow @merridithsmiscellany-blog @mskaneko @callmeellabella @queenjilian @sirbeepsalot @drakexwillow @jovialyouthmusic @forthebrokenheartedthings @bebepac @kingliam2019 @lovablegranny @cordoniaqueensworld @amandablink @liamxs-world @choiceskatie @iaminlovewithtrr @hopelessromanticmonie @charlotteg234 @annekebbphotography @txemrn @ofpixelsandscribbles @alyssalauren @monsoonblooms12 @mom2000aggie @theroyalheirshadowhunter @princessleac1 @kimmiedoo5 @graceful-leah @iam-the-kind-and-thoughtful @thegreentwin @gkittylove99 @neotericthemis @pink-diamond13 @walker7519 @yourmajesty09 @natureblooms24 @gabesmommie1130 @sweatyrysconnoisseur @kat-tia801 @debramcg1106 @shewillreadyou @choicesstan650 @emkay512 @royalromancer

Liam x MC: @cordonia-gothqueen

Fools Rush In tags: @narrytheworld @queenwalton​ @cordonianprincess​ @zaffrenotes​ @zilch3​ @drrookie​ @sfb123​ @secretaryunpaid​

[wannabe-fic-writer]

Natasha Romanoff x Reader : Prove Me Wrong

Summary: She can trust you, even if she doesn’t know it yet.

Warning: 18+ Mental Health, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Violence, Smut

Chapter 10

* * * * * * 

Eyebrows shoot up into your hairline. E/c eyes blinking in surprise.

Across from you stands the entire team, in front of them is a large breakfast spread, and balloons. 

You smile with a shake of your head,“ what is all this for?” 

Tony smiles, rounding the corner to stand at your side. His arm circles your shoulder,“ as of today, you have officially been with us for a year.”

“Awe, guys this really didn’t have to be celebrated.” You tell them, once again looking at all the food on the counter. 

All of them instantly wave you off a layer of replies rolling over you varying from “you deserve it” to “Tony just wants to party” which makes you laugh. 

Said billionaire picks up two champagne flutes and hands one to you. 

“Y/n, this is to a year of being the greatest of friends, a shoulder to cry on, and pretty much the most important member of this team.” Tony holds his glass up and everyone follows in agreement.

Most important member is a stretch in your opinion but they all seem to think so. 

Taking a sip, you realize this orange juice is mixed with champagne. Which you should’ve expected from Tony. 

Everyone starts to dig into the breakfast, chatter filling the room like it usually does throughout the facility. 

“Y/n, congrats!” Peter exclaims, happily wrapping you in a hug that you return.“ I can’t believe it’s been a year. It’s like just yesterday I was learning your name right? And now we’re like best friends.” The boy rambles.

Chuckling, you give him another one armed hug,“ I was starting to see you as more of a little brother actually.”

His brown eyes light up, just like they had on Christmas.“ I’ve never had an older sister before.” 

“I know.” You chuckle again.

He smiles brightly once again and gives you another hug,“ I’m glad we met Y/n.” 

“Me too Pete.” You rub his back and then pull away. The both of you then going to fix a plate.

Setting your overflowing plate(thanks to Tony’s persistence) on the table, you move to pull your chair out, only for a certain redhead to pull it out for you. 

“One full year huh?” She winks at you and sits in the chair next to you. 

One year with the team and six months with her. 

All that time seemed to fly by in the moment but looking back on it now it’s like more than a year. A year of building these incredible friendships and the most important relationship you’ve had. 

“Crazy right.” You breathe a laugh.

Natasha leans towards you, arms supporting her on the table,“ call me corny but, this has been the best year of my life.” 

Your hand reaches up to cup her cheek,“ I couldn’t agree more,” the two of you meet for a short sweet kiss,“ also you are corny.” 

Laughing, the woman rolls her eyes and kisses you again. 

“As cute as you two are, I’d rather eat my food without all the PDA.” Wanda’s voice invades the small moment. 

“Sorry Wan.” You smile softly at her.

The younger woman waves you off,“ I was only joking. Partly.” 

When the rest of the team sits at the table, you take a moment to thank all of them. Not just for the breakfast but for being so welcoming and just incredible in general. 

All the relationships you’ve built wouldn’t have happened without them. And you wouldn’t have been able to help them if they didn’t trust you. 

They raise another glass to your thanks and Tony tells you it’s only the tip of the iceberg since he’s throwing you a party later. You’re quick to tell him that’s not necessary but he informs you it’s all planned already. 

There hadn’t been a “Stark Party” in a while according to the team. Sam and Peter were quick to thank you, saying they didn’t think there’d be one if you hadn’t showed up. 

You hadn’t been to one of Tony’s parties in years. Since long before both snaps. 

So you are, admittedly, excited for it. After you’ve gotten dressed you wait an hour after the party had started, as Tony asked you to, before heading out. And even though you were expecting the surprise, the number of people that shout “Happy One Year!’ to you startles you.

An excited laugh leaves your lips and once again Tony approaches you first. 

“Okay,” you nod,“ I’ll admit this is pretty great.” You smile at him as the two of you hug. Pulling away you then look to his wife.“ Pep, it’s great to see you.” 

She squeezes you tightly,“ I hate that you’ve been here a year and we’ve barely spent any time together.” 

Your eyes widen in agreement,“ I know. It’s been way too long since we’ve had a wine night.” 

Together the two of you quickly plan a night to do so. Pepper then urging you to go mingle. And you do, making your way through the large crowd of people, those you’ve met and others you’re positive you’ve never seen before. 

Until you approach a pair of both someone you know and someone you’ve only heard of.

“Y/nn!” 

A smile bursts across your face the second she smiles at you. The blonde woman’s energy contagious. 

“Carol! I missed you.” You hug her close, reminded of the months it’s been since she was last here.“ You didn’t have to travel all the way through the galaxy for this but I’m glad you’re here.” 

Her hands rub your arms as she pulls away,“ me too. I’ve missed you.” She then steps back, hand resting on the back of the woman you assume to be her girlfriend,“ Y/n this is Maria Rambeau. Maria this is Y/n.”

Maria smiles at you, holding her hand out,“ Carol’s told me a lot about you, it’s a pleasure.” 

“Oh, the pleasure is all mine. This one doesn’t shut up about you when we talk.” You say teasingly, chin nodding to Carol who’s cheeks tint pink. 

The smile Maria sends to Carol is full of nothing but love and adoration. And if there was ever any doubt that Carol loved her, the smile she returns throws it out the window. But you knew.

Your body stiffens in shock when a hand presses to your lower back and you quickly relax once the familiarity of the soft skin and cold temperature hits you.   

Your girlfriend smiles over at you and you don’t even fight the urge to place a kiss to her cheek. Afterwards looking back at Carol and Maria.“ Maria this is my girlfriend Natasha. Tash this is Maria, Carol’s girlfriend.” 

“Nice to meet you. Carol’s told me a bit about you.” Natasha nods to the woman.

All the while Carol is smiling proudly at you, which you shake your head at in amusement. 

The blonde quirks a brow,“ girlfriend huh? And how long has that been going on?” Her tone is teasing and curious. 

Brushing a strand of hair behind your ear, you mumble,“ six months.” 

Carol’s proud smile becomes knowing and you swear the heat rushing to your face could be felt around the room. 

Natasha, being the god send she is, excuses the two of you. Gracefully pulling you through the crowd to the designated dance floor. 

She pulls you to stand in front of her. Those cold hands circling your waist, hands locking behind you at the dip in your back. 

Focusing on this moment, your eyes scan her face, taking in her perfect lips, her cheekbones and those tiny dimples, and those eyes. God you swear those eyes were the start of it all. 

“You’re so pretty Natasha.” Your hands grip her hips a little tighter.

A smirk curves her lips,“ and you’re beautiful.” 

Despite your blush, you jokingly add,“ well you’re gorgeous.” 

She laughs, forehead resting on your shoulder,“ getting competitive are we?”

“Maybe a little.” You kiss her temple just before she lifts her head.

The two of you continue to sway to the lowly playing soft music, completely entranced by each other’s presence. 

For the last six months the two of you have reveled in these moments together. Some days you could spend together completely. Others you had to steal minutes throughout just to see each other. But it was all perfect.

Learning about Natasha has just proven to make you fall for her more and more. You could safely say your list of reasons why you like her has become reasons why you love her and it’s definitely grown longer.

As all good things come to an end, you’re pulled from your moment with Natasha, by the hand on your shoulder. It’s unexpected which startles you but you’re further startled by the force of the emotions hitting you.

You spin around and lock eyes with Bucky. The anxiety you’d just felt from him is hidden in his eyes, had he not touched you, you wouldn’t have known. 

His jaw clenches,“ can we talk?”

“Of course.” You nod, hand squeezing Natasha’s waist as you mumble an excuse me, and walk away with Bucky. 

Once in an empty hallway he turns to you, his feelings now showing. Fingers wringing together, his teeth abuse his bottom lip, and his eyes remained trained on the ground. 

Knowing not to touch him unless told to, you choose to speak softly,“ Buck, I can tell you’re incredibly anxious. What’s going on?” 

“I-” he swallows and when his eyes meet yours there are tears welling in them,“ I saw someone. Someone from HYDRA. I- I don’t know if I’m seeing things or if they were actually here.” 

This was a recurring problem with Bucky. One you’d discovered while taking him and Steve to the mall one day. Being in such large crowds overwhelmed the man, triggering his anxiety which in turn triggered hallucinations. 

When you addressed it then he revealed that he’d been experiencing these highly anxious moments for a while. The first time the hallucinations had him was months before you’d gotten there while he and Steve were out together. 

At that point you’d begun working him through breathing exercises. Coming up with ways to help him cope with the anxiety so that it wouldn’t reach a point where he hallucinated. 

“Bucky breathe. Five seconds in and out.” He starts to do as instructed. 

You then walk him through his five steps. Listing five things he can see, four things he can hear, three things he can feel, two things he can smell, and one thing he can taste. 

He’s calmed down but you can tell he’s still anxious.

“Hey,” your hands rub his arms,“ I’m gonna make it go away okay?” 

Brown eyes look into yours and he nods. 

Taking a deep, stilling breath in, you take away his major anxiousness, and project the happy excitement you’ve been feeling to him. 

Bucky brightens instantly, giving you a small smile, and squeezing your arms.“ I- thank you Y/n.” 

“Anytime Buck.” 

You wait for the man to disappear around the corner before collapsing to the ground. Your back presses to the wall as you breathe heavily. 

“Y/n?”

Overly anxious, you involuntarily jerk away from the redhead beside you. 

The woman’s heart races as she looks at you, eyebrows pinched together,“ Y/n what’s wrong?” 

“Just- hold on.” You speak through deep breaths. 

Natasha waits with you until you calm down. When your body finally untenses and you sag against the wall, your girlfriend moves to kneel in front of you. 

Fingers grazing your legs she asks, with a soft demanding tone,“ what was that?”

“It was nothing. I’m fine I promise.” 

“That wasn’t fine. When you left you you were fine. Just now, you looked like you’d seen a ghost.” She presses. 

You push your hands up your face and through your hair,“ I didn’t. I was just-”

“Using your powers on Bucky.” She finishes, an almost hard look setting in her eyes. 

Her words take you by surprise. 

When she found out about your powers is lost on you. And what did she know about them? 

Eyes wide, you can barely ask what she’s talking about before she speaks again.“ Have you been using your powers on everyone this entire time?” 

“I- yes.” 

“And you weren’t going to say anything?” She stands. 

Following suit, you stand as well,“ I was going to tell you but I didn’t want to worry you. And I didn’t want you to think I couldn’t handle it-”

A deep frown covers her brow,“ you never even gave me a chance. Am I correct in assuming you’ve been lying to me then? All those times I came to see you after your session and you told me you were fine?”

“That wasn’t necessarily a lie. I was fine it just took me a minute.” 

“Necessarily?” Green eyes narrow at you.“ Lying is lying I don’t care how technical you want to get about it. I do care that you’ve constantly been telling me to trust you and be honest, yet you’ve been lying since the beginning.” 

You open your mouth to protest or object but she’s right.“ Tash I’m sorry okay. I swear I was planning to tell you.”

“Planning or not, you lied. You could’ve just told me you weren’t ready to talk about it. How was lying the better option?” A deep sigh leaves the woman’s lips and she runs a hand through her hair, before simply turning to leave. 

“Wait Ta-”

She holds her hand up,“ don’t follow me Y/n. I need a minute. Just go enjoy your party.” 

With that she leaves you in the hall alone. And you can only blame yourself.

* * * * * *

taglist: @username23345 @muffliat-o  @aaron-despair @natasha-danvers​ @wildhoney32 @criminallyhamilton @fayhar @nat-km-mh @chicken-wang09 @trikruismybitch

[wlw-lovestruck-fiction]

So I have a request 👉👈 How would Darla and Mc's first kiss would be (Take your time doing this, I can wait patiently😊)

Written by @an-awkward-ghost

The last thing you had ever imagined was to do magical training with Darla, of all people

She had been growing on you lately. Both of you had tried to be less snappy, and Darla was actually fun to be around when she wasn’t firing off insults as if she were a machine gun. She was fiercely protective and surprisingly patient once you got on her good side. She had taken the whole fairytale world in stride, slightly shocked and skeptical at first but rolling with it afterwards.

You hadn’t planned for her to discover it, honestly. She had been at the wrong place at the wrong time, and it had only been thanks to Lucas’ quick thinking that everyone had made it out alive. Who knew the Pied Piper of Hamelin would be such a bad guy? You had been hoping he would be different from the story, like Ezra, but he turned out to be even worse.

And now, here you are, practicing for the plan Nora and Arin had hashed out an hour ago, trying and failing to learn to play something to counter the Pied Piper’s own brainwashing melody.

For that matter — who knew Darla was so good with the flute? As the only one who knew how to play it, but also the only one without magic, she had taken it upon herself to teach the rest. Everyone had already left for the day, so it was only you and her now.

You, too stubborn to leave without at least accomplishing one note right, and her, too passionate about her task to deny you an extra lesson.

It could be going better, though…

“Do you even have air in your lungs, Beth? I swear I can’t hear a thing—”

“I am blowing!”

“Remember that it’s like you’re smiling. A little smile. You’re good with that, right? We don’t want an ‘o’ shape unless we need a low pitch.”

Darla’s eyes are fixed on your lips, analyzing the shape. It’s distracting. You know she only does it in the professional sense, but at some point over the lessons, you’d found that your breath stuttered every time she did it, smile widening more than intended for blowing out the flute, cheeks darkening.

“Let’s take a short break,” the brown-haired girl finally announces, turning away, and the tension in your chest you hadn’t acknowledged until now instantly disappears.

I’m a mess, you think, frustration creeping into the lukewarm feeling you get every time Darla looks at you.

“Sorry.”

“No problem, Beth, I know how learning an instrument can be.”

“But isn’t flute supposed to be easy?”

She shrugs. It’s a calm little thing, just a slight, elegant movement of her shoulders. Once again, you’re in awe of how patient she is. You would have stormed off a while ago.

“Any skill has its ups and downs, even the ones that are supposed to be easy. And hey, even that varies from person to person. Don’t feel down about it. I’m sure you’ll have it down by the end of the week.”

“Great advice as always, Darla.”

She smirks that smirk you used to hate, coated with confidence and typical Popular Girl Satisfaction™. “You know it.” And then her expression softens as she turns to look at her flute, twirling it slightly with a reverence that has you mesmerized. “I can’t wait to see you all work magic with these, or the look the Pied Piper’s gonna get.”

“It’s difficult. I don’t know how to explain it... Um. Well, it’s like the music keeps bouncing off any spell I try to combine it with. Like they aren’t compatible or something.”

“Nora explained that to me. That’s why she’s going to enchant the flutes instead, right? Once she gets the necessary materials?”

“Yeah… it’ll make things easier, too. We usually use incantations — they are way easier than just trying to image the spell. Hey, maybe that’s why it keeps bouncing off? But then again, I can’t exactly say the spell when I’m blowing…”

Darla frowns, looking up from the flute. “Who knows? All of this is too complicated for me. I’d rather stick to what I know… speaking of which, let’s try one more time. You’re going to hit the note, I’m sure of it.”

“Uh…”

The instrument feels heavy on your hands. You rise it towards your lips, clumsily placing your fingers the way Darla had instructed you before, but pause just before blowing, noticing the way Darla’s eyes focus on your lips as if magnetized.

“I…”

“C’mon, Beth.”

Shouldn’t her focus be on your hands…? She must know how much she’s distracting you, doesn’t she?

“It’s just… well…”

Her eyes flick upwards to your eyes, curious. “Yes?”

She has to know. There’s no way she can be this oblivious, right?

Your mouth opens and then closes, at a loss for words. The seconds tick by in the background like a restless pulse, and you lose whatever bravado you had managed to gather.

“Maybe I should just call it a day.”

Darla looks a bit surprised at that. There’s a pause as she looks at you, her expression impassive for all of two seconds before a soft, amused smile breaks through, eyes as alluring as a dark bottle of wine. The change is so instant it leaves you stunned; she’d been slightly distant throughout the lessons, more concentrated on the technique than friendly banter, but now she had seemingly abandoned that.

“Is something distracting you, Elizabeth?” She asks, voice soft and composed, and a shiver runs down your spine at the sound. The fact that she doesn’t use your nickname and how it makes her every word so much more intense means she’s probably aware of the effect she has on you…

And the realization sets the butterflies in your stomach alight.

“Well?”

There’s no sense in beating around the bush. Darla may be patient once one manages to get into her good side, but you know her well enough to know she appreciates direct answers more than anything else.

“You.”

She hums, leaning slightly forward, hand coming up to grasp your chin. Her hold is delicate, but firm.

“We can’t have that. You need to concentrate if we want to have any chance against the Pied Piper.” She slides the flute out of your grasp, leaving it on a table nearby without sparing it so much as a glance. Her eyes are locked on yours.

“T-this may be counterproductive…”

She stops.

“Don’t you want this?”

“I do!” You blurt out, fast. Too fast. Darla chuckles lowly, not pulling away but not advancing either. “What about you?”

The blush that spreads over her cheeks is answer enough.

“You really were using the lessons as an excuse to stare at my lips, huh?”

“N-no!” She grows still, all the suave energy she was exuding before fading like a dream. “Well, just a little bit, but mouth shape is important to play the flute—”

“A-ha! So you were!”

“Wha—hey! Didn’t you just hear what I just—?”

“That’s not important right now.”

She actually frowns, not truly offended but still irked you dismiss her just like that, but you don’t give her a chance to actually voice her thoughts. You tilt your head upwards, feeling the way her breath stutters, and lean forward.

Slow, so she’ll back away if she wants, but she doesn’t even hesitate.

Kissing Darla is like kissing an inferno—she’s intense, pushing you back until you hit the wall, her hand on your hair cushioning the impact. She kisses you as if you were to disappear from her hands in a puff of smoke, as if you were a receding tide and the setting sun, and she only had this second to capture the shape of your lips, to capture your existence in her mind. It’s almost dizzying, but you surrender to it completely anyway, your arms snaking around her waist and pulling her closer.

The only reason you even pull away is because your lungs demand air. Darla blinks, probably expecting a longer kiss.

“Too much?”

“I just… give me a second…”

She smiles against your lips when you pull her down a second time after you catch your breath, and this time it’s sweeter, gentler, more like a soft petal.

When you finally part, she sighs and melts against you.

“Will you try to focus more, now?” She whispers.

You give her an incredulous look. “After that? No way.”

“C’mon, Beth. You need to save the world.” She laughs, and you roll your eyes.

“Maybe I will stop getting so distracted if I had more time to get used to this. More demonstrations would help, certainly.”

“Certainly.”

You are, officially, on cloud nine.

[ethrenisnotthehero]

Let’s talk about this now.

Everything that follows in this post is totally my own opinion. It has nothing to do with Jill; it wasn’t read by her or condoned by her. It’s my story and my experiences, and I think it’s important in this context because some of a survivor’s worst enemies are often other survivors.

As someone who has survived abuse, and as someone who is currently in training to become a Court Appointed Special Advocate for youth victims of abuse and domestic violence, I’m going to explain why internet callouts and motions like the #MeToo movement are not only something you can believe, but that you should believe because of the complete and systematic failures that continue to persist in our real-life institutions of justice.

Please heed the tags. Nothing is in too graphic of detail, but I remember when just the words were enough for me.

TW: Abuse, Neglect, Gaslighting, Sexual Assault, Pedophilia, Trafficking, Drug Use, Mental Illness, Violence

I spent a majority of the first years of my life in sexual slavery.

Before April, 2004, pseudoephedrine could be purchased over the counter and without an ID in the United States. Tablets of it were used across the nation to manufacture what some people still call “the drug of the 90s:” methamphetamine. In 2021, many people might know meth because of television shows like Breaking Bad, and make xenophobic jokes about Mexican drug cartels and the infamous “Wall” while breaking up blue-tinted sugar candy.

The truth is, few people our age this day remember methamphetamine use being the epidemic it was when Oklahoma enacted its ban of pseudoephedrine in stores. In 2005, which required medication to be sold at licensed pharmacies and for purchasers to present a photo ID to acquire limited amounts, OK officials located and shut down 334 home meth labs -- less than half of the 812 seized before the ban.

In fact, meth use was so widespread and easily accessible that 93% of people who went through rehabilitation for it would end up using again. It was viciously addictive, and the help that was offered was only a drop in the bucket of a growing sickness that the government wrote crime bills to control instead of trying to treat the symptoms. By 2004, it was too late for a lot of people. By 2004, it was too late for me.

My birth parents spent their entire lives addicted to meth. My birth mother grew up in the American foster care system and was adopted as a teenager by junkies in the deep South; my birth father was a paranoid schizophrenic who spent the first 7 years of his life locked in a closet by his parents until they lost custody, and then aged out of the system. She used drugs to get away from the fact that her birth parents despised her; he used meth to “calm” his paranoid rages when he couldn’t afford medication. They both tried rehab. They both failed to stay sober.

They had several children before us. My birth mother miscarried. She tried again. My birth father lost custody of his first before he met her, and they relapsed together and lost custody of a second child. That child died from complications of neglect.

They had me.

They stayed sober for six months. They relapsed again. They weren’t smart enough to make meth, so they bought it. They had another kid. My birth father lost his job. They couldn’t afford it. They couldn’t afford medicine or food. They had no money, they couldn’t get work, and so they gave up what they did have.

2004 was too late for me.

When the ban came, my parents moved to try to escape. We came to a new state. They found a job. My “uncle” became their new dealer and they paid the only way they knew how. One day, a SWAT team showed up at our door. They told us we could pack one box of our belongings, and that was the last time we ever belonged to those people.

The law chased them down, but not for what they did to us. They were given a plea deal; my birth parents would sell out their suppliers and their “business partners,” and they wouldn’t go to prison. The entire case would be locked up, the records closed, and they could try to get their kids back.

My parents never served a single day for their crimes.

They showed up once to visitation. They kissed me. They promised me they would come back. I privately wished that they would disappear forever, and they did. I later learned they relapsed the day before our next visitation, and had parental rights terminated.

The law does not protect children. It rarely protects the victims that it’s meant to, but it never protects people who can’t speak for themselves. Unless you have money, no one will care. If no one cares, your transgressors will never, ever answer for their crimes. To this day, the United States Justice System will not let me own records or copies of records of the case against my parents. I couldn’t speak until I was six years old. When I was put into foster care, I couldn’t eat solid food for three months. My gag reflex was so bad I couldn’t brush my teeth comfortably until well after I was adopted. I trembled under my bed because my nightmares blended into my waking hours and I was so scared I couldn’t even scream.

When I turned 18, my birth mother found me. She lives with my birth father in a state known for its rampant meth use. She had another child. He’s 14 now. He plays soccer, has girlfriend, learned the flute last year, and his favorite Pokemon is Rayquaza. He got all A’s in his final year of middle school. They started over.

I talk to him sometimes. I don’t talk to her, because when I asked her to apologize for what happened, she told me the government was lying to me. She told me there were two sides to every story. She told me that my adopted parents had poisoned me against her. She called me an ungrateful little whore and told me that God would punish me one day. She told me she was a victim, too, and she deserved a relationship with me.

She is a victim. I still remember the sound when my birth father broke her arm in a rage when she threatened to leave him. 

I also still remember trying to hide with her as she lay on her bed, high as a kite, not so much as lifting a finger to help me.

Being a survivor doesn’t give a person the excuse to minimize the experience of other survivors. Some people get justice. A lot of people don’t. Sometimes the police swoop in and make predators pay. Sometimes they shoot mentally ill foster children to death because the alternative takes too much time and effort. Technology is a useful tool, because it gives a voice to the voiceless. It empowers people who are made powerless. My adoptive parents didn’t believe me when I finally had the words to say “I was harmed.” They beat the shit out of me when I was little for trying to draw out what was wrong. They stopped letting me see a therapist when she told them I showed signs of serious trauma from sexual violence. The internet gives a rope to people who are stuck in a whole with everyone around them calling them a liar. Technology gives survivors and outlet to make their story their own again.

Your story doesn’t erase other peoples’ stories. People who are nice to you can be hurtful to others. What you see isn’t necessarily the truth and until we have a government that survivors can rely on it’s always, always important to believe survivors.

[omoi-no-hoka]

Hi, guys! Sorry for the rather long hiatus. Work is still...soul-consuming haha. But I wanted to make a post about one of my favorite Japanese artists and this really cool song he released a little bit ago! All of his songs just got added to Spotify finally yesterday!

His name is 米津玄師 Yonezu Kenshi, and he is amazing. He started out making Vocaloid music under the name Hachi, in which he programmed all of the instruments and vocals. Now he mostly does music with his own vocals, and he writes and produces all of it. He also used to do all the illustrations for his music videos, and he does the cover art for his albums! I’m always swept away by his creativity and the poetry in his lyrics.

And you know how big a nerd I am about words, so here’s my English translation of my favorite song from his latest album. The song is called ひまわり Himawari (Sunflower).

This is a bit long, so I’ll put a “Read More” thing here. If you open the whole post, you’ll see my translation, and also a breakdown of my favorite kanji and words he uses. Hope you enjoy!

I hope that everyone studying Japanese can take a look at these lyrics, my notes on them, and see that even just listening actively to music can be a good way to study. 💗

ひまわり　Himawari　Sunflower

悲しくって　蹴飛ばした　地面を強く Kanashikutte kettobashita jimen wo tsuyoku Sorrowful, the ground I had sprung away from 跳ねっ返る　光に指を立てて Hanekkaeru hikari ni yubi wo tatete pulled me back strongly. I raised my finger to the light 愛したくて　噛み付いた　喉笛深く aishitakute kamitsuita nodobue fukaku Longingly, biting down on your lips and whistling deeply その様が　あんまりに美しくてさあ Sono sama ga anmari ni utsukushikute saa That visage is simply too beautiful 舌を打って　曠野の中　風に抗い Shita wo utte, kouya no naka kaze ni aragai Click your tongue, defy the wind of this wasteland 夜もすがら　嗄れた産声で歌う yo mo sugara shagareta ubugoe de utau Sing in the hoarse cries of a newborn through the night 遠く遠く見据えていた　凍て星の先まで tooku tooku misuete ita ite hoshi no saki made Shine the light of your bruised heart 痣だらけの心　輝かせて aza darake no kokoro kagayakasete all the way past that frozen star far, far in the distance その姿をいつだって　僕は追いかけていたんだ sono sugata wo itsudatte boku ha oikakete itan da That silhouette, I had always been chasing it. 転がるように線を貫いて　突き刺していく切っ先を korogaru you ni sen wo tsuranuite tukisashite iku kissaki wo I pierced through those stabbing blades as though I were falling 日陰に咲いたひまわりが　今も夏を待っている hikage ni saita himarwari ga ima mo natsu wo matte iru The sunflower blooming in the shade is still waiting for summer 人いきれを裂いて笑ってくれ　僕の奥でもう一度 hito ikire wo saite waratte kure boku no oku de mou ichido Break through that stifling air and laugh for me, deep within me, once more 消し飛べ　散弾銃をぶち抜け　明日へ keshitobe sandanjuu wo buchinuke ashita he Erase it all and fly, fire the shotgun into tomorrow 吐き出せ　北極星へ舵取れ　その手で hakidase hokkyokusei he kaji tore sono te de Get it all out, take the oar to the North Star into your own hands 傷ついて　静脈を不意に巡るエレキ kizutsuite joumyaku wo fui ni meguru ereki Wounded, electricity flows unexpectedly in the veins 掻き毟って　吹き荒び　鳴る哀歌 kakimusshite fukisusabi naru erejii Rip it away, rage upon it, let this elegy ring out 聴こえているあの時から　少しも絶えぬまま kikoeteiru ano toki kara sukoshi mo todaenu mama It never dies down, not even the slightest, from the time I first could hear it 震えるほど全て　消えないぜ furueru hodo subete kienaize It won’t go away, to the point that I’m trembling その姿がいつだって　僕を映し出していた sono sugata ga itsudatte boku wo utsushidashite ita That silhouette, it was always reflecting me もしも同じ街で生まれたら　君のようになれたかな moshimo onaji machi de umaretara kimi no you ni nareta kana If we had been born in the same town, could I have become like you? 日陰に咲いたひまわりが　今も海を���つめてる hikage ni saita himawari ga ima mo umi wo mitsumeteru The sunflower blooming in the shade is still watching the ocean. 聴こえるなら強く叫んでくれ　僕の名をもう一度 kikoeru nara tsuyoku sakende kure boku no na wo mou ichido If you can hear me, scream my name one more time. 鳴き声　かんかん照りの街路で　佗び戯れ nakigoe kankan teri no kairou de wabizare A cry on a sweltering city street, raise a lonely clamor 解き放て　乱反射して遠くへ　鳴り響け tokihanate ranhansha shite tooku he narihibike Let it out, that bent refraction that echoes far into the distance その姿をいつだって　僕は追いかけていたんだ sono sugata wo itsudatte boku ha oikakete itan da That silhouette, I had always been chasing it. 転がるように線を貫いて　突き刺していく切っ先を korogaru you ni sen wo tsuranuite tukisashite iku kissaki wo I pierced through those stabbing blades as though I were falling 日陰に咲いたひまわりが　今も夏を待っている hikage ni saita himarwari ga ima mo natsu wo matte iru The sunflower blooming in the shade is still waiting for summer 人いきれを裂いて笑ってくれ　僕の奥でもう一度 hito ikire wo saite waratte kure boku no oku de mou ichido Break through that stifling air and laugh for me, deep within me, once more 消し飛べ　散弾銃をぶち抜け　明日へ keshitobe sandanjuu wo buchinuke ashita he Erase it all and fly, fire the shotgun into tomorrow 吐き出せ　北極星へ舵取れ　その手で hakidase hokkyokusei he kaji tore sono te de Get it all out, take the oar to the North Star into your own hands 

A Quick Note on Translating Lyrics

I’ve got to say that it’s really hard to translate song lyrics haha. Sometimes the word order is so different between Japanese and English that I have to swap the lyrics. 

遠く遠く見据えていた　凍て星の先まで tooku tooku misuete ita ite hoshi no saki made Shine the light of your bruised heart 痣だらけの心　輝かせて aza darake no kokoro kagayakasete all the way past that frozen star far, far in the distance

The Japanese is actually in reverse order of the English here. Technically, a very direct translation would be “All the way past that frozen star far, far in the distance, shine the light of your bruised heart.” 

Interesting Words

舌を打って shita wo utte click your tongue

In Japanese culture, doing that “tch!” sound by clicking your tongue is rude. It shows that you are impatient, irritated, or frustrated. Many English speakers click their tongue when they’ve been asked a question and need to think about it. If you are a tongue clicker and you go to Japan, try to curb the habit!

The full lyrics here are: “Click your tongue, defy the wind of this wasteland.”

So this really expresses the pent-up frustration and anger in this person.

嗄れた shagareta, kareta hoarse

What I love about this word is the kanji and its radicals. We have 口 (mouth) and 夏 (summer) put into one kanji. Can you imagine what it would be like if all the heat and dryness of summer was in your mouth and throat, and how hoarse and miserable you would feel? What a cool kanji! (Note: this is a very low frequency kanji.)

切っ先 kissaki point (of a sword, etc.)​; pointed verbal attack

I had a hard time translating this line for a lot of reasons, but in particular I wasn’t sure whether this kissaki was a sword or a verbal attack. I can only assume that because this song talks about crying out and singing so much that it must be the verbal meaning, but Yonezu uses many metaphors so I could also see it being blades. 

人いきれ hito ikire body heat from several people in close quarters; stuffy air

This was a new word for me. Again, I found myself unsure of which meaning to use when I translated it. I went for the “stuffy air” meaning in the end because it was more succinct, but I imagine that Yonezu was probably imagining the former meaning, because he mentions streets and cities, which I imagine to be crowded. He’s also asking a person he’s lost to call out, and perhaps they are lost in a metaphorical sea of people. Then again, summer imagery is strong in this song as well. His word choice is just so GOOD. I wish he’d marry me. 

散弾銃をぶち抜け　明日へ sandanjuu wo buchinuke ashita he fire the shotgun into tomorrow

This evokes much more beautiful imagery in Japanese. The kanji for “shotgun” are 散弾銃 (sandanjuu). 散 means “to scatter” or “to spread,” like fallen cherry blossom petals scatter in a gust of wind. So rather than evoking the image of someone pulling a trigger, it evokes the image of the pellets scattering into the air like fireworks or petals almost. 

北極星へ舵取れ　その手で Hokkyokusei he kaji tore sono te de Take the oar to the North Star into your own hands

Ahhhh this is just so freaking pretty. “Take the oar to to the North Star into your own hands.” In other words, determine your own fate, take charge of your life. I just love the “oar” here.

吹き荒び fukisusabi to blow fiercely; to rage, to play (a flute, etc.) for fun

Again, I wasn’t sure how to interpret this line because of the multiple meanings woven into this word. Japanese is SO. COOL. you guys.

哀歌 aika lament (song); elegy; dirge; sad song

My man Yonezu out here bein tricky. Though the official lyrics use the kanji 哀歌, he actually sings this as エレジー (elegy). And that rhymes with the last word of the previous line, エレキ (ereki). Typically, Japanese songwriters tend not to think too much about rhyming. In fact, in Japanese in general, rhyming isn’t thought of as frequently as it is in English. So the fact that Yonezu used this interesting play on words with 哀歌 was pretty cool to me.

震えるほど全て　消えないぜ furueru hodo subete kienai ze It won’t go away, to the point that I’m trembling

I just didn’t have a way to translate the feelings in the ぜ here. “Ze” is a sentence-ending particle that usually shows a person’s confidence. So for him to use it here as he describes himself trembling, is like he’s putting on a front of confidence when really he’s deeply troubled. 

佗び戯れ wabizare ???????

This was my favorite word in the song, and also the hardest one to translate! It doesn’t appear to be a real word in the dictionary, but it’s an imperative made of two different words: 侘び and 戯れ.

Have you ever heard of the term “wabi” or “wabisabi?” It’s this concept of Japanese culture and aesthetics that focuses on the beauty of impermanence and solitude, and an appreciation for the sorrow that comes with the transience.

To look up the definition of “wabi,” it means “taste for the simple and quiet; rustic simplicity; austere refinement; wabi​,” or “enjoyment of a quiet life.”

But to look up the kanji of wabi (侘), we learn that it means “proud, lonely.”

So this is a very nuanced word! I think that the “wabi” of our word “wabizare” is meant to conjure the meaning of the kanji wabi, “proud, lonely.”

Now, 戯. Zare means “pleasantry; joke; tomfoolery​.” There is also a word 戯言 zaregoto, which means “nonsense” or “wishful thinking bordering on nonsense.” I imagine that when Yonezu created this word  佗び戯れ wabizare, he wanted to combine the “proud and lonely” with “wishful thinking bordering on nonsense.” 

鳴き声　かんかん照りの街路で　佗び戯れ nakigoe kankan teri no kairou de wabizare A cry on a sweltering city street, raise a lonely clamor

In other words, he’s asking this person to call out to him, but he knows that they are far away, too far for him to hear. He wants them to give out a cry, one that will sound as lonely as it does nonsensical because there is no way it will reach him.

Uh... What Does This Song Actually Mean?

Disclaimer: This is entirely my own opinion and it could be totally wrong! I always believe that everyone can interpret any piece of art how they like.

The tricky thing about Japanese is that you can omit subjects, and Yonezu does that a lot. So unless there’s an imperative or a use of pronouns, I’m not sure which line is about whom. 

But basically, I think that there was this beautiful person that the singer came to know, someone that they loved and admired. But that person fell into a very dark, hopeless situation. They are “a sunflower blooming in the shade, waiting for summer,” and the singer wants that person to reach out to him. “If you can hear me, scream my name one more time. A cry on a sweltering city street, raise a lonely clamor.” 

The chorus is all imperatives, telling the person to leap into tomorrow, to get it all out, to take the oars into their own hands and head for the North Star. 

I think that this song is all about the singer wanting to help a person they care deeply for, and imploring that person to take action rather than suffer passively.

The End!

I hope that you guys liked this post and that maybe you learned some new words and even found a new artist you love! 

Would people like to see more lyrics translations? They’re kinda fun!

[hedgebelle]

Cultural References in “They Are Out There Saying”

It took me forever to compile it, but here it is! A brief explanation on all the references to Japanese culture I made in my JayDick Summer Exchange fic “They Are Out There Saying”.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25707886/chapters/62420596

When I got the prompt from @paperempires​ calling for the Batman Ninja verse, I was like, you want 16th century Japan? I SHALL DELIVER.

Ok, so first, let’s talk about geography.

Right now, Japan is divided into prefectures, but in the past there were provinces. Check out the map below.

Green: Hida Province

Aka the province where this fanfic actually takes place. Nowadays the Hida-Takayama region in Gifu Prefecture.

Located there is the hidden village of the Bat Clan, the calligrapher's house, as well as real places briefly mentioned: Takayama city with its castle (ruins) and Tenshōji Temple (associated with True Pure Land school of Buddhism), and Shirakawa Village (diamond shape on the map).

Btw, Shirakawa Village is a UNESCO world heritage site and overall a lovely place. If you have a chance to visit it, please do. Here, check it out 😊.

Also, Hida is one of the two places in all of Japan where gneiss, a type of metamorphic rock, can be found. A piece of trivia I learned from my best friend (who might or might have not dared me to fit gneiss somewhere in the fanfic) 😉. The second place where gneiss can be found - again, true fact - are Oki Islands, the archipelago north of the Grand Izumo Shrine.

Dark red: Owari Province

Nowadays part of Aichi Prefecture.

According to the Batman Ninja (the version with Japanese voice over) Joker made himself a feudal lord of this province. Which is kinda interesting, seeing as Oda Nobunaga (1534-1582), one of the key players during the warring states period who started the unification of Japan, was a lord of that domain.

Located in Owari is also Alfred's teahouse 😊.

Yellow: Kai Province

Nowadays, it's Yamanashi Prefecture.

Penguin made himself a feudal lord of this domain. In Batman Ninja he really commanded penguins wearing samurai armour 😂.

Violet line: Tōkaidō Road

A tract that linked Kyoto, a seat of the emperor, and Edo (present day Tokyo), the seat of shogun.

So, traveling the Tōkaidō Road didn't become a thing until the 17th century ^^". But I figured, if castles can be weaponized in this verse, then I can send Jason down this road 😊.

On the side note, travelling the Tōkaidō Road became quite a subject in the culture of the Edo Period (1600-1868). For example, check out these famous ukiyo-e.

Star: the Grand Shrine of Izumo

Very much a real place. One of the three most important Shintō shrines in all of Japan. Worshipped there is Okuninushi no Okami, god of marriage. When praying in the Grand Shrine, a pilgrim is supposed to clap their hands four times, not just two like everywhere else. That's because in that Shrine one is not praying just for themselves, but for their destined partner too. 

The Grand Shrine is located in the Izumo Province - nowadays a part of Shimane Prefecture. 

*Even today Izumo is called a place where fates are being brought together 😉.

Circle: Mt Hiei

Again, a real place, located very close to Kyoto. The Enryakuji temple located on that mountain historically had big influence also due to the fact, it commanded its own army of warrior monks. Some further reading on them, if your interested, is here.

(Btw, the Enryakuji Temple is also a UNESCO world heritage site.)

It was emperor Shirakawa (1053-1129) who one said that the only things he does not have control over are the roll of dice, the waters in Kamo River and the warrior monks of the Enryakuji Temple.

*Kamo River flows through Kyoto.

Square: Inabayama Castle

Nowadays called Gifu Castle, located in Gifu City, Gifu Prefecture 😊. One of few castles built on top of a mountain.

Triangle: Mt Osore

A real place, considered one of the most sacred in all of Japan. A site of Bodaiji Temple. Due to the volcanic activity in the area, there's sulfur both in the air and in the lake right by the temple - hence its striking colour. Otherwise, the landscape is barren. 

It is said that Mt Osore matches the description of Buddhist hell, and holds the entrance to the afterlife. For some further, light reading check here.

If you think to yourself wooow that's a lot of references then fear not - there's more 😂.

Other references

Fuke Sect of Buddhism 

Monks of this sect, as a part of their practise, wore basket hats, played flute, and were on constant pilgrimage. 

Travel, however, used to be heavily restricted, so in exchange for a special travel permit, monks were asked to spy for the shogun. Also, ninja (and other people involved in espionage) were known to donn on the attire of a Fuke Sect monk. For that reason, monks were sometimes asked to play on their flutes to prove their identity.

In Batman Ninja Jason is operating undercover as one of those monks.

Check this, for some further reading.

Direction of the Demon’s Gate

It’s north-west. It was believed that demons and evil spirits enter through that direction, hence it was considered unlucky.

Rokuyō (lucky/unlucky days)

A circle of six days, three of which are thought to various degrees lucky, another three - to various degrees unlucky. The most unlucky one is called butsumetsu and apparently is meant to symbolise the day Budda died.

Ri

Old unit of measurement. 1 ri ≈ 3.9 km ≈ 2.4 mi

Sexagenary cycle

A cycle of 60 years. It was traditionally used in China for time reckoning, and was known in other South-East Asian countries too.

For some further reading click here.

Golden leaf

Kaga Province (north-east of Hida; now part of Ishikawa Prefecture) is known as the biggest producer of golden leaf in all of Japan.

Zen Circle

On the photo below:

It’s an important symbol in Zen Buddhism that stands for enlightenment, absolute, the void. In Japanese calligraphy and sumi-e (ink painting), drawing the circle is seen as an expression of absolute freedom of the mind that lets the body create. If it’s closed, it symbolises perfection. If not, it becomes an expression of wabi-sabi - a concept in Japanese aesthetics that translates to beauty of imperfection.

Kappa

One of the fantastic creatures that appears in many Japanese folktales. Kappa is a water demon that (unsurprisingly) dwells in lakes and rivers. It is rather mean and known to cause mischief, but surprisingly enough - very fond of cucumbers.

Ogre (oni)

One of the fantastic creatures featured in Japanese folklore. Usually portrayed with red skin, horns, and a tall, hulking figure; as a concept somewhat similar to demons or devils, as they represent everything evil and harmful (and also, oni reside in the eight great hells). It was believed a human wicked beyond any redemption might turn into an ogre.

Haikai-no renga

A genre of linked verse poetry. It is made of 18 or 36 verses that alternatively have 17 (5-7-5) or 14 (7-7) syllables. It is less formal than an earlier genre, renga, and as such is supposed to be lighter, witty, comical even. There aren't as many rules dictating which verse is supposed to have a direct allusion to which, how many times and in which verses certain motives (like flowers, moon, seasons) can be mentioned. 

Still, the first verse is supposed to contain kigo, so a word or phrase that indicates the season - in the fanfic it’s May (rice planting season) which is classified as early summer in the old lunar calendar - or in some other clever way gives an allusion to the environment the poetry meeting took place in. The first verse is also supposed to be written by the guest of honour which is why Jason was asked to compose it 😊. Important is also the third verse, as that’s where the theme of the whole haikai-no renga is officially established. 

From the first verse of haikai-no renga evolved possibly the most recognisable form of Japanese poetry - haiku.

Lovers’ suicide

A suicide committed together at the same time by the lovers whose shared affection defied the rules of society and/or obligations to their families. Before commiting the act, they would usually pray to be reborn together on the same lotus flower in the Pure Land. 

Lovers’ suicide is a theme featured in plays for pupper theater bunraku, most prominently The Love Suicides at Sonezaki written by Chikamatsu Monzaemon.

Pure Land

In a nutshell: According to some schools of Buddhism in Japan, Pure Land where people can be reborn and practice pure version of Buddhism, thus are able to finally gain enlightenment (which is impossible when alive, because the practice in the land of the living is warped, impure).

Please, take my way too short explanation with a grain of salt. It might not seem that way, but I’m not all that knowledgeable about Buddhism ^^”.

Nenbutsu prayer

Practised in True Pure Land Buddhism. It’s basically a recitation of a short phrase that translates to “I take refuge in Buddha Amida”.

Kannon

The bodhisattva associated with compassion.

Vengeful ghost

It was believed that a person who harboured a deep grudge or hatred in their last living moments towards those who had wronged them could become a vengeful spirit.

 *Hoichi the Earless - one of the traditional horror stories. In this story, vengeful ghosts (of the fallen Taira clan) want to take with them a blind monk because he beautifully plays on biwa (traditional instrument). Once his brethren realise the danger Hoichi is in, they paint his whole body in Buddhist sutra, safe for his ears. Because of that, when the ghosts appear again, Hoichi - safe for his ears - is invisible to them. Spoiler alert, the ghosts take Hoichi’s ears, thus the earless in the title. Check out here for some further reading.

Ten Virtues of Tea

Text attributed to a Buddhist monk Myōe (1173-1232. It lists all the properties of green tea beneficial to the human body and soul. 

Translation can be found here.

Portuguese firearms

Historically, the first Europeans Japanese people came in contact with were Potuguese traders. They introduced many European goods including firearms. 

On the unrelated note, the Potuguese in that time period were referred to as Nanbanjin (南蛮人) which translates to southern barbarians.

Eight great hells

...are the concept of hell in the traditional culture in a nutshell. The concept itself was heavily influenced by Buddhism. 

Further reading is available here.

Shinto wedding ceremony

While it incorporates many rites, the most core one (as far as I know) features the groom and the bride taking turns drinking sake (rice wine) from three cup, each slightly bigger than the other. When drinking, they are supposed to sip three times. 

In feudal times, wedding ceremonies started with an elaborate bridal procession to the groom’s house. There, the dowry would be presented, blessings would be given, and then the bride and groom would take turns drinking sake as described above. 

...Okay, I believe that’s it. Thank you for reading!

[finding-hope-strength-courage]

Social Anxiety - 02/06/2021

I’ve never been officially diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder but I have had counselling and medication in the past for Anxiety in general and OCD. The more I learn about myself I believe this is part of my Anxiety. I’m still learning more and ways to work on this too. I thought I’d write down my thoughts and feelings.

I believe my Anxiety struggles are made up of:

🔵 Generalised Anxiety Disorder

🟡 Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

🟢 Social Anxiety Disorder

Things I struggle with:

I look at the menu online before going to a restaurant so I already know what to order so I don’t feel uncomfortable or rushed to choose when I’m there.

If I’m driving I’ll check my route and how long it’ll take me to make sure I’m there on time / a bit early.

I check the food hygiene ratings of restaurants.

I feel more comfortable with 1:1 meetings or small groups.

I’m not always very good with eye contact.

When arranging to meet with people I prefer to do this over messages rather than in person as it gives me more time to think about how to arrange / times / places etc and I feel less pressure and not rushed in the same way.

I’ll always double check the date / time / place because I worry about getting it wrong.

I’ll plan in my head things to talk about beforehand.

After socialising I usually go over in my head anything I might have said wrong or that I shouldn’t have.

I hate speaking in front of people or large groups. Presentations and public speaking terrify me.

I really dislike speaking on the phone (other than to close friends or family). If I can I’ll email rather than ring places. I feel really anxious if people call me off guard and I won’t always answer because I need time to prepare and then I’ll ring back. It’s embarrassing to admit this.

Sometimes shopping makes me feel anxious. Not always there’s been times I’ve really enjoying shopping but if my anxiety is bad it’s not something I enjoy with it being busy and just the general social aspects of it, it’s difficult to explain.

I struggle with group conversations at times whereas I’m much more comfortable and confident with 1:1 discussions.

If I’m particularly anxious with a specific person/s or situation I can’t really eat in front of them.

I don’t particularly enjoy parties. I can go to them and have fun but I’ll be very anxious beforehand and need time to recharge after too. I’m embarrassed to admit that I have sometimes in the past drunk too much at the beginning of a social event to calm my anxiety. I’m not a big drinker and rarely drink but these situations are usually when I feel like I want a drink, which I’m not sure is a good thing.

I worry about embarrassing myself a lot.

I hate it if I’m doing something and feel like people are watching me as I feel judged and rushed too.

I have low self esteem which I believe contributes to my anxiety in social situations.

Things That Make Sense From When I Was Younger:

My heart would beat so fast when it was my turn to read out loud in class at school, I hated this and avoided it if I could.

I used to avoid eye contact with teaches and not put my hand up in the hope I wouldn’t be asked for an answer. I was able to answer things at times when I was feeling more confident.

I avoided socialising with my peers a lot at school and spent time on my own doing my work, listening to music, walking (more pacing) around school or talking to teachers. These things made me feel less anxious.

I often avoided eye contact if I felt awkward / uncomfortable or vulnerable.

Always feeling scared of being judged and not being liked by my peers.

In Sixth Form I had to do a presentation in front of people and I was terrified. Beforehand I completely panicked and had to be outside and a very kind teacher helped calm me down and reassure me that I could do it. I managed it but definitely rushed through it and spoke quickly because of how anxious I felt.

I often turned down bigger social events. Not all the time but if there was anything I felt uncomfortable about I’d say no.

I often would say “maybe” to things even though I knew I didn’t want to go as I was scared to say no and be asked why I couldn’t go.

I really struggled with conflict and confrontation in friendships at school even if it wasn’t to do with me it would just make me anxious when others had a falling out. I would get accused of sitting on the fence about things but I just couldn’t deal with this very well.

Starting Sixth Form heightened my anxiety for a time because it was different. Not wearing school uniform anymore and just the feeling of being more grown up in a way I struggled with. I liked to blend in and look the same and I guess I worried about how I looked whereas when I wore school uniform it didn’t matter as everyone was wearing the same.

During my GCSEs when my Mental Health was in a bad way I didn’t want to go to lunch. This wasn’t because I had a particular issue around food, which I know a lot of people do. It was more that my anxiety would make me not as hungry but also the lunch hall had a lot of people in, queuing up felt incredibly claustrophobic for me and it was too loud. My teacher (who helped me a lot at this time) used to help me go to lunch by taking me into the lunch room and putting me at the front of the queue, I was grateful for this but also it made me feel like I stood out too. I would still often get my lunch, sit down and eat a couple of mouthfuls and need to leave because of how anxious I felt. It was like I needed to escape in a way. It brings me a sadness to remember these times because I have a much greater understanding of how I felt than I did all those years ago.

I played the flute when I was younger, which I really enjoyed but I absolutely hated doing exams for it because of the pressure and being judged on the spot.

I struggle with the pressure of exams in general and performed much better with coursework. I’m not sure if this is social anxiety or general anxiety.

If I had a question at school I’d usually wait until the end of the lesson and then go and speak to the teacher so my peers didn’t hear and I didn’t sound silly.

I remember times when I was feeling anxious or maybe a bit lonely socially I’d make up stories or imaginary friends and scenarios in my head. I guess to get lost in my mind in a way or take me away from how I was feeling.

I relate a lot of my Social Anxiety back to when I was at secondary school because I feel like many situations from that time now make sense to me looking back and I wonder if it was around that time I began developing these difficulties. I didn’t recognise it at the time though. I knew by the time I 14/15 I was quite unhappy and down in myself but I don’t think I realised the Anxiety side of this until I later in my teens. I don’t believe school was actually a cause of my Anxiety or Mental Health struggles, in fact it was probably the one thing that helped me the most. I’m forever grateful for my school years because I always loved learning and it was a safe place for me despite how I felt inside.

There’s been times my Anxiety has been less and times when it’s felt more intense and harder to manage. I guess that’s part of life. I’m actually in some ways grateful for the fact it’s got harder over the past year because it’s allowed me time to address and understand myself better in order to move forward. I’m learning what parts of me are Anxiety and that I can work on and others that simply just who I am and my personality.

Hopefully my random thoughts and writings on this might make some sort of sense somewhere along the way.

[chilling-seavey]

Lucy Elizabeth Seavey was born on June 24th, 2024 at 1:56pm, brought calmly into the world from the comfort of home. She was 7lbs 11oz and 20 inches long with a full head of light blonde hair and bright blue eyes and the moment she breathed her first breath, her parents fell just in love with her than they had with her two older sisters – especially Daniel who cried his eyes out when she was born.

Florence and Daniel had two babies well before they got married yet alone engaged as life had a few unplanned tricks up its sleeve but, on their wedding night, the newlyweds agreed that they wanted one more baby; their one chance to things ‘the right way’. So they came back home from their honeymoon pregnant and unbelievably in love and spent the next few months preparing their apartment for their third child’s arrival. After two stressful pregnancies, Florence wanted nothing but the epitome of calm for this last one so they worked with a midwife and got a homebirth set up for whenever baby girl #3 was set to arrive. Lucy’s birth story can be found here if you’re interested!

For the other two girls, Florence had chosen their names since she was technically a single mother at the time of the birth certificate signings, but with Lucy, Daniel and Florence went through list after list together almost every night before bed to find the perfect name together. By now you know that Daniel had a bit of a music obsession and he was really searching for a name that meant just as much to him that Florence liked as well. Lucy was named after a song by The Beatles (Daniel’s favourite band), Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, which Daniel did not know was about LSD until his daughter was already a year old. He had a bit of a mental breakdown over that: “I named my baby daughter after a hallucinogenic drug?! What kind of father does that?!”. Elizabeth was simply another old fashion regal name that Florence adored and it flowed so nicely with her first name. Lucy Elizabeth; their littlest princess.

It was already a short name so there wasn’t much room for nicknames but she was Lucy Lu to her family and Lu-Lu to her sisters, princess to Daniel for reasons stated above – she was their littlest princess and Daniel’s own sweet little mini me. She might have had her mother’s blonde hair but she had Daniel’s eyes, nose, and infectious smile…definitely a Seavey with those beautiful genes.

Lucy had always been an independent girl; she was the earliest of her sisters to walk and talk, and her favourite phrase as a baby and toddler was “me do” as she was determined to do things herself. Despite this fierce independence of hers, Lucy always held her family close and loved to spend time with them – Christmas had always been her favourite time of the year since they got to visit Daniel’s parents and siblings in Vancouver. She was a sociable girl and loved to talk since the moment she could, making up all sorts of stories through every part of her day, especially to Daniel. They called Lucy ‘Daniel’s Shadow’ because she was always rushing after him wherever he went from the day she could walk (and even before that as she always demanded to be picked up by him). The poor man could hardly go to the bathroom without the baby toddling after him. He learned to lock the door the hard way.

When it came to her interests, Lucy was the daughter who had a knack for music, she was Daniel’s little musical prodigy. He tried to get all of his girls interested in at least piano from a young age but Clementine got bored of it too easily and Penelope just could not get it right…with Lucy, Daniel went in to their first home lesson with low hopes but she caught on almost right away; even Florence was shocked at how easily it came to her pre-school daughter. Of course, this was a dangerous game as she often woke up in the middle of the night to Daniel and four-year-old Lucy sat at the grand piano in the living room at 3am punching out a few tunes in their pyjamas. He just couldn’t help himself.

Daniel took it upon himself to teach Lucy everything that he knew about music and he brought her to his studio often to not only give her music lessons but teach her about producing as she got older. By the time she was fourteen, Tuesdays and Thursdays after school were the days when Lucy would take the subway to the studio and spend the remainder of Daniel’s workday working with him and making music. It was the reason why Clementine and Penelope always called Lucy his favourite child. But Daniel didn’t have a favourite; he loved all his girls the exact same. He just had an extra thing to connect with Lucy through. Lucy had started piano lessons by age four, guitar at seven, cello at nine, and singing lessons off and on throughout her elementary school years and into high school; all taught to her by her father which definitely saved the family a lot of money. In high school, she was in the performing arts program for instrumental music (she played cello in the band but could also pick up the flute if they needed) and theatre. She dabbled in a little dance as she grew up too; ballet, tap, and musical theatre. She really gave multi-talented Clementine a run for her money sometimes. High school allowed her to really blossom in theatre, always in awe by musical films and live theatre on their one family trip to New York and she saw her first Broadway show. Daniel was her go to for music but her Uncle Christian was her go to for acting since he majored in it in college himself and Lucy called him often for advice or video chatted him to run lines for her school plays.

School wasn’t really Lucy’s first priority other than the arts. She did reasonably well in school but could have really shone if she applied herself; and she got into arguments with Florence a lot about it, her mother trying hard to get her to put the same amount of dedication into her school work that she put into her music. English and math and science and the sort never interested Lucy though, and she could never bring herself to work hard in those generic subjects since all she wanted to do in life was musical theatre; a perfect mesh of her music and her acting. She begged her parents to let her apply to art schools for university to major in musical theatre but they were concerned because it wasn’t a very promising career for post-graduation. On their trip to Vancouver for Christmas for her senior year, Lucy confided in Christian and he woke up at 4am one day to sneak her out across the bay to the city of Victoria to tour the Canadian College of Performing Arts and be back in time for supper. Lucy absolutely fell in love with the campus and the program and she came back to her grandparents’ house absolute beaming and thrusting the pamphlets at her parents, rushing out everything she learned and planned from the tour. Christian’s cheeky grin at his brother and sister-in-law’s unimpressed glares was magazine worthy. So Lucy moved to BC the following year to major in musical theatre at CCPA.

Lucy was very generous, charming, and really too sweet for her own good. She was fiercely independent and sociable and always had lots of friends as she loved being kind to everyone. She always felt emotions strongly which often allowed for harsh mood swings is someone questioned her character, passions, or her family. She loved being surrounded by people and tended to fall in love the ‘fastest’ out of her sisters. She had a few boyfriends while growing up, her most serious one during her senior year was her prom date and left her with a pregnancy scare at nearly eighteen and Daniel almost died and went to heaven when she came to her parents crying in fear; not only because that was his little girl but because her boyfriend always reminded him of Florence’s jerk off of an ex, Matt. Thankfully, all was well, the pregnancy test was negative, and Lucy moved across the country for school. She had a few quick romances over there, often fueled by sudden passion and momentary infatuation rather than love per se but she fell hard for her university dance coach, Xavier, in third year. He was only a few years older than her and both of them seemed to have an attraction they couldn’t deny, but Lucy let him chase her for a bit before they finally went on a few dates and made it official. Daniel was not impressed that he was the last one to find out about that and through his brother, Tyler, of all people. Since when did Tyler know more about his daughter’s life than he did? Regardless, Xavier was a good guy and when Lucy brought him home one summer, Florence and Daniel knew they were a perfect match.

For those of you interested in astrology, Lucy is a Cancer Sun, Aquarius Moon, and Libra Rising.

She is the most religious out of her family and even as a kid would shout “Thank you, God!” before eating her dinner. Her favourite colour is gold or literally anything that sparkles, she loves all genres of music but has a secret playlist of early 2000s punk rock, she has her parents’ initials tattooed on her ankle, and her favourite meal always has been chicken nuggets and she lives off of them in university.

Lucy’s songs are:

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by The Beatles

Elizabeth by Julia Jacklin

Face Claims:

Baby Lucy’s face-claim is Pose LaBrant (@/posierayne on Instagram). These photos are not mine, all credit belongs to her

Teenage Lucy’s face-claim (ABM2 Era) is Mackenzie True (@/macktrue on Instagram). These photos are not mine, all credit belongs to her

[putschki1969]

Magic Moment Self Liner Notes

Notes: Finally I had some time to translate these self liner notes. It’s great to get some insight. I always appreciate a song more after having read the thoughts behind it. There is lots of precious content here so please be sure to read it. I recommend you listen to the album while going through this post.

SPECIAL ~ SELF LINER NOTES

Source: https://www.jvcmusic.co.jp/wakana/special/

-- Your 2nd album 『magic moment』 is officially completed. Did you create this work while having an overarching theme in mind?

Yes. Throughout this entire album I wanted to express a “magic moment” - hence the title. This theme first came to life when I released my EP 『Aki no Sakura』 last November and it appeared once again during my live tour in December. Back then when I was just starting to work on my EP my director and I originally came up with “magic hour” as our central motif. 

-- “Magic hour” is the time just before sunrise or just after sunset when the sky’s colours are changing from orange to purple and everything is drenched in beautiful light.

Exactly. From then onwards we were tackling the theme of “magic hour”, after all, this kind of transitional moment can be applied to many situations in life. I thought it would be nice if we could turn all moments of life into music.

-- The album seems to overflow with many such “magical moments” of life. Please introduce each song individually.

01. breathing Lyrics: Wakana; Composition / Arrangement: Yumemi Kujira

-- This is the full sized version with lyrics of the instrumental piece "eve" that served as intro for your EP 『Akino Sakura』.

When we were working on the 『Aki no Sakura EP』" we decided to record a full sized version for the album

-- There is a sense of gracefulness and natural vitality.

The song is basically made up of a chorus that is repeated a total of four times but listening to the music written by Yumemi-san many different sceneries are being conveyed, you will notice bird-like sounds in the interludes between the different choruses, you will hear a waterfall flowing, you will feel flowers blooming in profusion. Also, one day the wife of our 1st violinist came to visit us at the recording studio, she is a flutist so we made use of her talent and added some flute to the song. Adding this raw and fresh sound really broadened the world views presented in the music. When I listened to the melody for the first time the movie "Avatar" came to mind. So I let myself be inspired by that film while writing the lyrics. The protagonist of “Avatar” was injured on the battlefield and became paralysed. But when he was syncing with his avatar, he was able to walk again. Watching the scene where he is in sync with his avatar and steps firmly on the ground for the first time always has a great impact on me, I wanted to include this special feeling in my lyrics. 

-- The line “土を踏み生きて行く者 | beings who live stepping firmly on the ground” is very reminiscent of that scene.

Yes. With Earth’s gravity most creatures live on the ground, some in the air or in the water. The same goes for birds. All of us are breathing and living here united by our beating hearts. We are living an ordinary life on this earth until some day it is time to say goodbye and go to another place, “楽園へいざゆけ | let’s go to paradise”. “Paradise” is an unknown place, in a sense this lack of knowledge is very harsh. Yet, you dare to set foot into this new world, there are still so many places to discover. 

02. Yureru Haru Lyrics: Wakana; Composition / Arrangement: Miki Sakurai

-- Compared to the first song, the tempo is increased considerably. The piano in the beginning is very refreshing.

This song has had a huge impact on me ever since Sakurai-san first sent it to me, I especially love the beginning of the chorus. It conveys a dazzling light, it awakens a sparkling sensation inside of me making me feel like I am looking up at the sun while riding my bicycle. I really wanted to do a warm spring song like that. I also like the change of atmosphere between the cute verses and the rather cool chorus. I wanted to have the hero of this song shout out their emotions during the chorus. There is an image of movement rather than stillness, I wanted it to be powerful.

-- The phrases “駆け出した | you broke into a run” and “君の叫び | your cry” tie back to your intention.

Those words represent impulses, an urge to start running, a cry that can no longer be contained. There is excitement and nervousness. You have a clean canvas in front of you, you can just follow your urges and draw freely. The line in the second chorus “睫毛に触れたのは 昨日の自分の欠片 | fragments of yesterday’s me are touching my eyebrows” is supposed to be about tears. When tears are hitting your eyelashes they will linger there for a while, you are releasing fragments of yourself which you have gathered and contained inside of you. There are so many things you have to deal with, all kinds of feelings, you cannot help but cry. Nevertheless, you think it’s best to break free and start running. 

-- Before you start running and follow your impulse you are experiencing many feelings. This sentiment comes across well with the use of “sway” in this line of your lyrics - “春の香り揺れてる  | swayed by the scent of spring”.

As spring comes you will notice that along with spring’s unique scent your thoughts and feelings are also being swayed. That’s why I didn’t use the words “spring’s scent” but instead I decided on “swayed by the fragrance of spring”.

03.where Lyrics / Composition: AlbatoLuce; Arrangement: Akihito Takahashi

-- This song leaves a strong impression with its speedy acoustic guitar strokes and four-on-the-floor rhythm.

The intro melody with its "oh ~ oh ~" felt very different to anything I had ever sung before, I thought it was nice and a catchy tune. The lyrics are also very meaningful, the messages carried along the words are beautiful.

-- Speaking of meaningful lyrics, I felt like the protagonist of this song is turning into an adult and slowly learning to love all the wounds and scars that have gathered throughout the years, they are finding themselves and a place where they belong.

You can definitely interpret the lyrics like that during certain passages. However, rather than trying to find a story for the whole song, I think it’s more important to look at the individual lines, every single word is meaningful. That's why the song is easy to listen to. In addition, I have never sung a song that’s completely in midrange. I wanted to give it a try.

-- The contrast between the sharp music and your soft whispery singing provides a nice nuance.

While recording I was very conscious of my vocals, I sang with a breathy voice. It almost sounds like I am talking, like a recitative style. I would like to do more research on this approach, there is still a lot to learn. 

-- Within your airy singing, there are certain key points that you are emphasising with your voice, it almost feels like an attack. Those words will leap at you and touch your heart. For example, the line “構わない | it doesn’t matter” in the second verse starts with a very powerful note. 

I received some direction and advice while singing, it’s meant to feel like an attack. The chorus rhythm was specifically chosen to invoke a sense of charging ahead.

04. 442 Lyrics: Wakana, Airi Okamoto; Composition / Arrangement: Koichi Ikekubo

-- That title makes you really curious.

Apparently the frequency of a baby's first cry is 442 Hz, so that’s what inspired me to choose the title.

-- Interesting! A mid-tempo song with a powerful rhythm. I think it conveys a very passionate and slightly forky atmosphere.

Originally the song had a strong Indian touch

-- Now that you mention it, it really does sound like someone is playing the sitar?

Yes, yes it does! Initially I thought it would be difficult to sing Japanese to this kind of music but Ikekubo-san told me I could do whatever I wanted with the song. We chose an approach that would match a baby’s crying. The lyrics are co-authored. First of all, we discussed what the song could be about, we talked a bit and decided we wanted to make the song about moments when you feel the need to sing and the reasons behind wanting to sing. Then Okamoto-san provided a lyric draft and I felt immediately inspired, the words just kept flowing out of me. Especially worth mentioning is the first chorus line “愛の声が聴こえた | I heard the voice of love” , Okamoto-san came up with that. Inspired by this line, I wrote the following “最後の碧に終わりを告げた時でも | even when the end is announced for the final blue sky”. In a way it feels like the only reason one was born was to listen to the “voice of love”. This singing voice is echoing through your entire body. When we are born our cries are creating the same sound, isn’t that strange? Why is that? While contemplating this one realises that we are all born to do something, our first cry is like a singing voice giving expression to that purpose. We are born for this very thing, it’s like it is our mission, our fate. It’s going to be different for everyone but each of us will be living in order to do and achieve SOMETHING. Which is why our first cry, our first song if you will, sounds the same for all of us.

-- It seems like your own mission and the meaning behind your singing are taking shape through the worldview presented in the line “喜びも哀しみもひとつに繋がって、溢れ出したものが歌である | both sadness and joy are united and overflowing to become a song”.

That final chorus block is very important because that’s where I tried to put all of my thoughts and feelings into the lyrics. This is the point where I have no choice but to convey what I haven't been able to convey at the beginning of the song. That’s why I wrote it like that. As a result, things slowly fall into place while you are listening to the song, at this point everything starts to make sense. That's also the reason I wanted to end the song with just my vocals to bring the point across.

05. Hirari Hirari Lyrics / Composition: Sairenji!; Arrangement: Mine Kushita

It's a heartrending song. The sadness is palpable during certain parts of the melody when I am using falsetto. 

-- Yes. It is a beautiful and sad medium-slow track.

It's a song about people who want to meet but cannot meet. There are many reasons for that...Maybe someone leaves and you cannot see them again or you desperately want to see them but lack the courage to approach that person... Lyrics like this which are written by someone else are very refreshing, it’s nice to get a completely different point of view, that also affects my singing style.  I wanted this song to sound breathy, I would for everyone to listen to it during a quiet moment. 

-- The song starts with just your vocals, from your first breath onwards there is a special depth, your breaths become part of the song. There are only two passages in the first verse where the quality of your voice changes considerably, it’s when you are singing “静けさ | silence” and “優しさ | tenderness”..

Those two phrases are reminiscent of the melody. The word “静けさ | silence” is meant to sound transcient, almost like a hallucination, a nuance that’s barely there and you have to strain your ears to pick it up. I wanted to sing every word clearly, I want everyone to understand my Japanese easily. As with 「where」, it was necessary to change the way my midrange singing sounded. For example, in the second verse there is the line “時が止まったままもう君は... | time has stopped but you...”, it’s all sung with the same note but it serves as melody. When I thought about how to sing those parts I realised that I wanted the melody to guide my singing.

-- Also, there is a beautiful and ephemeral vibration in your singing voice when you sing the line “夕暮れにかすんだ | got hazy within the dusk”.

That's right. I emphasised “kasumu | to become hazy” with a breath . This way it can sound either sexy or slightly scary. I think the word “kasumu” is very beautiful. I also really love the lyrics in the final verse. “たやすく愛と名付けないで | never call love easy”.

-- Is this supposed to emphasise the importance of the feelings that still remain inside of someone despite being separated?

I personally never take the word "love" lightly, it is not just a simple word but in this case the phrase is actually supposed to express the feeling of not wanting to be reduced to a single word by other people.

06. Aki no Sakura (Acoustic ver.) Lyrics: Kei Saito, Yoshitaka Taira; Composition: Kei Saito; Arrangement: Toshio Uchida

-- You recorded an acoustic version of 「Aki no Sakura」, which was the title song of your EP.

I really loved the acoustic arrangement of the song at my December live with the participation of percussionist (Nakakita) Yuko-san. I wanted to include it in the album so we made that happen. The song’s tempo has been decreased slightly compared to the original and it’s just my vocals, the percussion, an acoustic guitar, an accordion and a violin. I know Uchida-san who made the arrangement for this song from my Kalafina days, he played the guitar at Kalafina’s Otadama performances. It was nice to meet him again, it’s thanks to him that the song become warmer and more tragic. There was also someone from Uchida-san's agency who suggested we include some scat singing in the interlude. Combining the sound of the guitar with my scat singing was very refreshing and fun.

-- There is a phrase in the song where you sing, “笑い合ったね | we shared laughter”, the “i” in “warai” felt particularly warm, it’s like we are getting a new look at the lyrics with this version of the song.

Yes, I tried changing the nuance of my falsetto. I performed it live a few times ever since the release of my EP so my understanding of the song has changed quite a bit. This is how new nuances come to life.

07. myself Lyrics / Composition: AlbatoLuce; Arrangement: Yoshifumi Ise

-- A slow number that progresses with main focus on your vocals, the piano and some strings. Your comforting singing voice is very pleasant.

Initially, the arrangement was very heavily focused on the piano, there was a sense of quietness. When I listened to the track for the first time it left a strong impression on me, it reminded me of sublime songs like “Amazing Grace”. I was very adamant about keeping the song tranquil and calm, I didn’t want it to become too dark or too emotional. I used my breath consciously and expressed my lines with a singing voice that’s very close to my speaking voice.

-- This song is mostly low to midrange. The first and second verse are warm and comforting, the chorus on the other hand is very emotional. 

The chorus is definitely more powerful than it was in the original version during pre-production. For the pre-production I was using falsetto during the chorus. But once I had decided to speak most of the lyrics, I thought it would be best not to include falsetto. This kind of song is really difficult because every aspect of yourself is laid bare, that was quite the challenge.

-- When confronted with this type of slow song and small ensemble isn’t it necessary for you as a vocalist to provide the rhythm with your singing?

Yes, the most important aspect of my singing was how to create the rhythm. During one recording we used the clicking sound of a metronome to double the tempo. Then, once I had gotten used to the song, I was able to sing without the help of the metronome. 

-- In the lyrics you are touching upon the subject of weak hearts, weaknesses we all have in common. You are singing about times when you are not able to reveal your trembling heart. Is this possibly about looking back at one’s own own trajectory, about overcoming such times?

The “You” in the lyrics can be yourself or a specific someone. The song is actually less about overcoming hesitation, fear or weakness and more about learning to live with these things.

-- I see. In the final chorus you are singing “愛してた事 | the fact that I loved you” in past tense, what is the meaning behind that?

I thought about that a lot. We are reborn every day, you loved yourself back then just as much as you love yourself right now. Among all the versions of yourself, there ought to be one that is weak - yet that version of you still deserves love. 

08. Kimi Dake no Stage Lyrics: Wakana; Composition / Arrangement: Satoshi Takebe

-- Finally 「Kimi Dake no Stage」 is available on CD, we have only heard it live before!

I have been singing this song live ever since October 2018. The song and lyrics were produced around September of that year. Amazing musicians participated in the recording of this song. In particular, I wanna mention the drummer Kasuke-san (Noriyasu Kawamura), just like me he is a person full of longings. The feeling of being wrapped up by the music is wonderful. I had been singing the song for a long time already so when the band recorded it I felt comfortable going into the vocal booth and singing at the same time. It felt like we were performing live. I had to sing the song all by myself a second time that day but the feeling of being accompanied still remained inside of me.

-- You are using a clear singing voice here.

I had a clear image of the song and while performing live, I experienced so many great things. That’s the reason why I aimed for a clear singing style, I simply wanted to match the clearness of the song.

-- When I read through the lyrics, I felt really drawn into the song from the very first line, “列をはみ出して 泳ぐ魚が見えたよ | I saw fish swimming out of line”. It’s very Wakana-like since you love aquariums so much, the message within that phrase is also incredibly strong. 

That first part of the song is depicting someone standing in front of a water tank. Imagine a group of sardines swimming in the tank and all of a sudden one of the fish is breaking away and swimming in the other direction. The little fish that chooses a different path stands out. Watching the fish you start wondering what it might see, what it might experience. And now have a human child take the place of this fish. Everyone in the group is at school while a single child is deciding to skip class. 

-- It’s not always a clear line, sometimes life is about breaking away even if there is no clear intention behind the action.

It’s not so much about breaking away from everything, rather it’s about taking on challenges so you can try things you want to do. I had that kind of experience when I was a  young student, it took a lot of courage, many times I felt very uneasy and frightened but it was also very refreshing. Even now that I have grown up and I am an adult I can still say with certainty that I do not regret my thoughts and decisions from back then. Therefore I think if you want to do something you SHOULD do it, be straightforward and honest with yourself. That doesn’t only apply to teenagers ... You should also live by that philosophy in your 20s and 30s. Even when you are getting older you might feel the urge to break free and do something new. 10 years from now I will surely be in a completely different position having to deal with all kinds of worries. We are all the heroes of our own stories, of our own lives so we need to take responsibility. However, I also included parts about falling in line in the lyrics. For things to go smoothly we can’t just break away all the time, it’s also about cooperating with others in school, at work or in other situations of life.

-- That's why you are also singing about how everyone - strangers and acquaintances alike - is always breaking into a run to do something.

That's right. The second half of the song is about remembering the place where I grew up. I was raised in Fukuoka but back then all I wanted to do was move to Tokyo. Now I love Fukuoka. I guess you don’t realise what you have got until it’s gone. I feel the same way about my family. Back then I was impatient and itching to do something, that's why I want to tell my past self, “it’s okay, I understand if you want to leave.” Even now, all I want is my passion to bring light to my life, I made it this far thanks to my family and my friend, I am here because of them. That’s how I came up with the line “初めて誰かを守りたいと思ったとき 自分を愛してくれる人のため 今があるんだ | the moment you first want to protect someone you realise that you exist for the sake of those who love you”.

09. Orange Lyrics: Wakana; Composition: Ryota Iwakoshi; Arrangement: Kazunori Fujimoto

-- 「Orange」 was included in your EP 「Aki no Sakura」, it’s now part of your album.

Someone from the A&R division of my record label really loved this song so they suggested I should include it. *laughs* I am also very much in love with the song so their words motivated me to add the song to the tracklist.  

-- The positioning of the song in your album is very refreshing. For example, 「Kimi Dake no Stage」 is all about the warm embrace you feel in the place you were born in. That transitions nicely to a sense of nostalgia which is conveyed in 「Orange」.

The tracklist order can strongly influence your perception of a song. When I was a student, I was itching to do something new and came to the city. Now I am living my life here and watching orange sunrises while thinking about [blank]. This “…” part consists of all kinds of crazy feelings, feelings from my past, my present...being able to listen to 「Orange」 on this album makes things more real and brings back all these memories and feelings much more clearly.  

-- The lyrics of 「Orange」 and 「Kimi Dake no Stage」 are also somehow connected. The “あなたの笑顔に逢いたいから | I want to meet your smile” sung in 「Orange」 seems to be tied together with the “笑顔を届けられたら | I would like to bring a smile to your face” in 「Kimi Dake no Stage」. The driving force of your singing is conveyed very well.

Yes. If possible I would much rather see smiling faces instead of sad ones!

10. Happy Hello Day Lyrics: Wakana; Composition: Akihiro Kasuga; Arrangement: Shu Kanematsu

-- This song starts with overflowing feelings of gratitude and happiness.

We are celebrating the day of our birth with a “Happy Birthday” song so I thought, “why not write a song that celebrates the day we met?” While listening to the melody I could see myself singing this kind of song in front of my audience. “Thank you, I am glad we were able to meet today”, it’s these feelings I wanted to put into words to make lyrics out of them. The sound of the string quartet is beautiful, and Kanematsu-san piano playing is incredibly smooth. His playing during the recording was super cool, he went wild *laughs*

-- The song picks up momentum during the final chorus with the included clapping, that’s quite quite the grand scale.

That’s Kanematsu-san and my own clapping you hear, all the staff members and my manager also joined in on the clapping *laughs*

-- I think this song will have an even greater scale once you perform it live and the clapping of everyone in the audience will be overlapping. In that sense I believe your feelings will come across well during the chorus when you are singing about “you” and “us” in lines such as “君と逢えた | kimi to aeta” or “手を繋ぐよ | te wo tsunagu yo”.

When I am singing at a live venue in front of a large number of people, it feels like you and me - all of us - are talking together. Of course we each have our own regular lives with our own problems but in that moment all we are doing is enjoy music together That’s why in one chorus I chose “手を繋ぐよ | we are holding hands” and in the final chorus I wrote “手を繋ごう | let’s hold hands”. Thank you for coming to meet me, let’s hold hands! Surely we will be able to meet again in the future and then our hands will be joined once more.

-- Is it that feeling that makes you sing the final chorus with such a more powerful voice?

Yes, it’s crazy how much heart and strength I put into that part. When I sang the line “今生きている | ima ikite iru“ the “ikite” ended up sounding savage *laughs*.

11. magic moment Lyrics: Wakana; Composition: SIRA; Arrangement: Shu Kanematsu

-- The title song is the final track on your album 

I asked SIRA to compose a song related to the theme “magic hour,” when I got the song, its temporary title was actually “magic hour”. After I wrote the lyrics for the song, I decided on the current title and simultaneously made it the album title since I felt it best symbolised the essence of the album.

-- The 6/8 time signature of the song makes it sound very grand and magnificent, its evocative nature seems to lead right into the future. I feel like 「magic moment」 being the last track provides a fitting conclusion to the whole album.

I think so too. The song makes you feel like your journey will continue, there’s a sense of embarking on a new journey. In a way it’s closely connected to the first song of the album 「breathing」, it’s nice to have this little call-back.

-- The words you use in 「magic moment」 and 「breathing」 are also connected. The line “高鳴る音さえ | even the throbbing sound” in 「magic moment」 seems to be tied to the “高鳴る胸 | throbbing heart beat” and “鼓動 | pulsation” in 「breathing」.

That's right! Everyone is always saying how they need to take responsibility and that they are gonna be an adult from now on but when are you really an adult? Can you not be an adult and still live your life enjoying yourself? Shouldn't we be allowed to dream? I wrote the lyrics with these feelings in mind *laughs*. It’s like reading a fantasy novel that invites you to explore a foreign world. The rhythm changes during the chorus which gives the song a very mysterious vibe. That's why I thought it would be nice to use frivolous and floating phrases instead of real words

-- Frivolous and floating, what do you mean by that?

A sense of recklessness maybe, not knowing what’s ahead of you but still wanting to continue forward *laughs*, I guess a responsible adult would call it, “to lose your footing and float away”...the lyrical subject of this song just wants to dream. 

-- For me both the melody as well as the lyrics convey a strong sense of “human life”. There is a line that says "最後の場所は決めたよ | I know where I will die" and later in the song you mention “何処か遠く | somewhere far away”. This person might not have decided on the road they will be taking but they already have their sights fixed on a specific goal?

The hero of this song doesn’t need guidance or a map. He or she has already found a perfect place for their final sleep. And that place is actually not too far away. However, until that very last moment of your life you want to travel far. One should be living with the goal of wanting to experience one miraculous moment after the other. Life is not about trying to reach that final place, it’s about living your life to the fullest until you reach that place. That’s what this song is about.

[caincarterx]

charming.event05

Involving: Cain Carter, Leyla Oden, Loraine Carter(mamma), Gianna Carter Mentions: Mel Monroe & Martain’s death Summary: Mostly pre plot drop with mentions of post plot drop Tags: @leylaxoden @giannacarterx Notes: just an ooc note that we did use italics and bold etc. when it was needed but they haven’t transferred over now i’ve pasted it onto here so fml :) 

Loraine: Two hours in and finally she spotted her son was distracted enough not to notice if she made a b-line towards the woman he’d walked in with. She only assumed it was Leyla, the mystery girl who she’d been wanting to meet for some weeks now. She’d admit she’d never cared to know who Cain spent his time with before, but that’s because he’d never spoke about anyone before and not with the expression he had when he spoke about her. A mother knows. Interest peeked, curiosity so close to being satisfied, she weaves through the crowd and gestures to the seat next to her. “Would you mind, sweetheart? I’m getting too old to stand up in heels.” As a polite gesture, she hands out a champagne flute she collected on the way. “You look absolutely stunning. I noticed earlier, your date couldn’t keep his eyes off you.” She’s purposely not letting on that she’s his mother, not yet. “Handsome one, isn’t he?” If she did say so herself. “Boyfriend?” She asks. It’s a seemingly innocent question, but there’s a hint of a devilish smirk on her lips that’s undeniable.

Leyla:  Once her attention’s being pulled towards another— someone she doesn’t necessarily recognise, it’s in that moment she takes a quick glance in the direction she knew Cain was in, seeing that he wasn’t alone she finds herself being taken over by politeness. “Yeah, of course,” she nods with a smile, accepting her offer that came in the form of champagne. Taking the seat beside her, it’s in the few seconds that past she wondered whether the woman just wanted company and whilst she didn’t mind, the mention of her date soon allowed her to grow suspicious. “You did?” She turns her head, now making the effort to actually take a good look at her, brow raising and in the brief moment time allowed, her features showed that she was making an attempt to suss the other out. “He’s—“ she’s being stopped by the boyfriend mention, a brief knit together of her brows as she settles back to a smile, “Something like that. Do you know him?” It sure sounded like she did and if by chance she didn’t? Her next guess was a busybody.

Loraine: There’s a quirk in her brow when she notes the pause, deciding herself that it was obvious they hadn’t stepped over that conversation yet. She smiles, quite pleased with her answer. Whilst it wasn’t a yes, it wasn’t a no either so she’d settle happily with that. “I do. So well infact that I don’t need to look around to know that he’s one of two places, the bar or the buffet.” There’s a little chortle of laughter as she pauses to sip her drink. “He’s a good man, I’m sure you’ve noticed.” It’s not a question, but she is hoping for an agreement without any hesitation. After all, anyone who wanted to be with her son, she expected to see his value. It didn’t matter how old he got, he was still her baby. He’d been through too much and came too far with himself to be burned by any woman. ( naturally, she is still bitter about his ex, especially because she never really liked her in the first place - she was someone she learned to tolerate ) “Hope you don’t mind me asking, what accent is that?”

Leyla:  “Sounds about right,” she smirked, the only reason she’d say she got him here was on the promise of free food. Inwardly chuckling she finally relaxes into the chair she was sitting in, finally taking a sip of her drink. Whilst she didn’t really get an answer on how the woman knew Cain, she wasn’t blind to the sense of her knowing him well. “I don’t think he’d agree,” she did, however and there’s a soft smile from her, “But I have,” noticed, that was. She thought that one day— if she got that, she’d make him realise what she and apparently other people thought to, sure she could tell him that now but she knew he’d only dismiss it. “Oh no,” she didn’t mind, “It’s Turkish,” sometimes entwined with a little Dutch, she was after all, a Dutch citizen, her roots were strongly and first and foremost from Turkey, however. “I moved here from the Netherlands actually, I think four years ago now, to finish my degree,” she offers a smile. “and Charming’s apparently become home.” She softly chuckles, taking a long sip of her drink.

Loraine: “You know him quite well then.” She commented back in reference to Leyla saying he wouldn’t agree. Maybe it wasn’t obvious, but there was a brief sadness that clouded her eyes, a dispare that came from knowing how Cain viewed himself. Especially in comparison to how he used to be. “He’s been through a lot.” She hums, stopping herself there. Now was not the time to go protective mother, not when her instincts about Leyla were actually quite good. She seemed to have her head screwed on and she’d already seen subtle little changes in Cains behaviour that made much more sense now she knew there was a girl involved. “Ah,” now she said it, she could place the accent. “Charming has a way of sucking people in. The name is quite fitting.” Loraine steals a glance around, making sure her son was still over by the buffet. A little more time to talk with Leyla alone wouldn’t be a bad thing. “Degree?” She asks, though she does already know the answer. “Brains and beauty. A rare thing.” She smirks, tipping her head down to take of her mask for a little while. Her emerald green eyes now more obvious to the brunette. She wonders for a moment if the penny will drop before she actually tells her who she is, but the mischievous side of her hopes not.

Leyla:  Whilst she agrees she doesn’t say too much else, more because she’s the type to not disclose too much to people she doesn’t generally know. It’s something that came along with her profession— a force of habit, if you like. She offers a soft smile in agreement, “He has.” the sleepless nights Cain had? The surface of his back covered in scars? He had been through more than she’d wish on anyone and even then, she didn’t necessarily know the full extent of everything that played on his mind. In moments like this and a handful of others, she found herself really realising the care she actually held for him and it was more kick, the fact that up until last week she wasn’t aware just how underneath her skin he was. “It really is.” She chuckles, it wasn’t perhaps the town itself that had Leyla staying on once she professionally could call herself a doctor, it was the people and the her patients she saw routinely. She nods, “As of last year I officially work at the hospital, no longer on coffee duty either.” She’s joking, but it’s an achievement she’s proud of but also very modest about. “I have my parents to thank for that,” she smiles, they were both intelligent and beautiful. As the woman’s removing her mask she finds herself glancing at her for longer than she thought, it was the eyes that held her there, the familiarity was something that made her smile. She doesn’t say anything, at least not yet anyway, but her suspicions are pretty much confirmed in the moment.  

Loraine: It went unsaid, but she appreciated the way Leyla acknowledged her words with a kindness in her eyes. More than could ever be said for his ex, she always swore if she ever sees her again she’d ring her neck. Never let it be said that a woman of her age couldn’t bite back, but maybe that was just something she learned to do with a husband who was in the MC. “Most of the people here ain’t too bad, either. You seem to have done well for yourself.” She wasn’t just meaning Cain ( biasly ) but in general, landing on her feet with a good job. A decent job. “Good for you, there’s not enough people willing to give these days.” Whilst she wouldn’t say Leyla quite had her approval, she had very little doubt that she wouldn’t get it. But one little chat was certainly not enough for her to hold her hopes up. She was a protective mother before she was anything else. “Same field?” Her parents, that was. There’s no time to grill her on anything else as she feels a hand on her shoulder and turns to see a pair of green eyes. The look on Cains face was the picture of someone who was actively trying to look calm when in reality, there’s a little mild panic and even nervousness there. “Hello,” She’s smirking, standing to her feet to greet him with a soft hug, which he reciprocates with a glance towards Leyla as he does. “Mother…” It was a knowing tone, one that told her he could figure out for himself what she was upto. “You look beautiful.” He smiles, gives her a kiss on the cheek and steps back with a little rub at the back of his head. Loraine turns her attention back towards later, amusement written all over her face now her son had confirmed her identity. “I was just having a nice chat with your….” She pauses and it’s on purpose, just to make him sweat a little more. “Date.” Gesturing for them both to sit back down, Cains eyes flip suspiciously between the two of them.[09:30]“Uh-huh. Unsupervised. That’s– that’s…” He’s struggling for words, seeing them together had absolutely caught him off guard but finally, he snaps back into focus. “Well to be honest that was really sly, did you wait till I was distracted?” There’s a hint or a smile on his face. “Of course I did. I couldn’t have you interfering.” While she made her judgement, that was. “And you seemed happy enough over there pouching your little cheeks.” She teases, lifting her hand up to pinch one which makes him move to swat her hand away before she can. Loraine laughs first and finally, he breaks into an eye roll and a smile. “She didn’t interrogate you too much?” Cain asks Leyla, earning a scoff from his mom. “Make me sound like a fuckin witch why don’t you. I did no such thing.” She denies it, tips up her head and brings her glass to her lips. “Is that true?” Raising a brow, he directs the question to Leyla, who’s still seated and visibly calm so hey, it couldn’t have been that bad, he thought. “I like her.” Loraine admits, turning her head to offer Leyla a genuine smile. “It’s about time you found someone who’ll whoop your ass when you’re being a little shit.” As far as compliments go, it was one of the highest coming from her and it made Cain smile from ear to ear. He hadn’t doubted she would like her but hearing it was almost like a relief. It meant a lot to him and honestly, it probably showed on his features. “Well I plan on keeping her, so… That’s good.” He wheezes out a laugh and shakes his head, eyes casting back over to Leyla. “You eat yet? I can go get you something. There’s no pizza though, which I believe was promised. What else you lie about, huh?” He jokes, smirking just to make it obvious that he was infact, referring to how she said she wasn’t wearing anything underneath her dress.

Leyla:  It’s when she’s looking at the other that she can really notice the care she held for Cain in her eyes, it’s that as well as the similarity in expressions that makes her wonder if she wasn’t just a relation to him, but in fact his mother. If so, despite how charming she was coming across, Leyla felt that she was a hard woman to cross and it was a quality she admired. Not that she expected anything different, especially if Cain was anything to go by. He had to get it from somewhere, right? “Yes I— uh, can be very determined.” She inwardly chuckles, once she had her mind set on something, she did it and she felt lucky she had that trait. Being an orphan at twelve left room for a number of bad life choices and whilst she was finding her feet in life, she stuck to her guns and it paid off. “They were, actually.” She followed in their footsteps more to feel closer to that void she had grown up with.[14:18]At this point, not only is she not surprised to see Cain, more because it allowed her to completely connect the dots she had already started to slot together, there’s a hint of calming relief, a small smirk as her hues meet his, watching the interaction between the two she can’t help but think how soft it is. She can feel that she’s under scrutiny— even more so than before when Cain was elsewhere, she doesn’t mind, in actual fact she finds it funny. The look from Cain and him stumbling over his words was enough to get her to break out into a grin, was that nerves she was picking up on? She’s chuckling to herself, drinking a bit more, feeling herself needing it and once she’s finished she places her empty glass down on the table. She shakes her head, visibly amused as her attentions pulls from Cain to his mom when she scoffed, “Honestly she was just singing your praises.” Leyla figured if he had turned up ten minutes later, then maybe she would have been interrogated, not that she felt like she minded if it had happened— or even told him as such. Hearing that she was liked promoted a return smile that was shortly followed by a laugh. Looking at him it’s almost as if her smile is radiating, there’s a glow to her eyes that was strictly directed for him. Her brow quirks at his mention of no pizza, a smirk tugging on her expressions knowing exactly what he was hinting at, “I have and.. nothing.. had to get you here somehow.”[14:19]Gianna: Busily picking apart the last of the muffins she had grabbed her hands on, she’s popping the little chocolate chunks into her mouth as she’s making her way over towards where she knew her mom was and where she knew Cain had recently dropped everything to hurry over towards. As soon as she reaches the table her eyes are locking onto the woman her brother had walked into the hall with, a mischievous glint to her eyes obvious as she opts to take the free seat next to Leyla, “Hey.” Her smiles forced as it was from ear to ear as she looks from Cain to her mom, and then back to Leyla, seeing the small furrow to her brows as if wondering who this was now. “Mom, now you’ve met the girlfriend,” she’s looking at her brother, as direct as ever, with a smirk as if to say ha, I knew this was happening, “We can leave soon, right?” It’s something she’s been waiting for the moment her and her mom left the house. “But, Leyla,” she looks at the other, “Tell me,” it’s lucky she’s not sitting next to her mom, more because her ribs couldn’t take anymore swift nudges tonight in attempt to shut her up, “what do you see in my brother? I mean, you’re really punching, Cain.”

Loraine: “Always.” She smirked in response to Leyla almost defending her. Well, it wasn’t untrue, she would always speak highly of her son, but the fact he was here and clearly out of sync with nerves? She’d never seen that side of him in a long while, too long, so naturally, she found it highly amusing. “Uh-huh, sure.” Cain was suspicious, but lightly so. He took the fact his mother was still sitting here with a smile as a good sign because he knew that if she didn’t approve, her face would either be sour or she’d be on her feet and leaving already. “Oh? Well then if you’re keeping her, I think you should invite her to dinner next weekend.” Turning to look at Leyla. “If you’re free?” Naturally, someone with a job like hers might not be. “You’re not a vegan are you?” There’s a visible please no on her features as she asks, only for her focus to be pulled around by Cain’s laughter. “… Ah, right. Stupid question huh? You’d never date a vegan.” She once again smirks, even more so when his face goes from laughter back to narrowed eyes and even a small visible blush. The word dating naturally sparking those nerves back up. “Ah shit,” he grumbles, spotting his sister swanning over and sitting down. At this point, he sits back, pinches his nose and then offers Leyla a little hand gesture like he was both apologising and saying to her just gotta roll with it. “Leave? But I’m having such a good time.” Loraine mirrored her daughters mischief. Cain? He was shooting daggers at his sister, like the fuck? you knew she was planning this? little bitch. “And actually, I think we might be makin’ these kids a little uncomfortable with the term girlfriend.” She pauses, to move her voice into a mocking whisper… “They haven’t had that conversation yet.” She’s holding back a laugh. Cain only sucks in a slow breath and closes his eyes. “No, mom, we haven’t. So thanks, thanks very fuckin’ much.” He’s not actually mad, but he does avoid Leyla’s eyes purely because he feels kind of embarrassed. They said no pressure and this? He was mildly worried sounded like moving too fast. Though given the amount of times the G word was mentioned tonight, he was sure it had to come up in conversation when they were alone. Luckily they were both mature enough to talk it out and see if they were there yet or not. “Hey,” Loraine leans forward, clipping him over the back of the head. “Don’t swear in front of your mother, you little shit.” There’s a chortle of laughter because she knows, she’s probably embarrassing him, but what were mothers for, huh? Her eyes quickly shoot to Gianna when she puts the question to Leyla, brow lifting and eyes narrowing slightly. It was a typical sister comment, but the mamma in her wanted to butt in and say no, he wasn’t. Not because Leyla wasn’t stunning, smart and clued in, but because her son, her baby, deserved a woman like her. Cain scrunches up his face, lifting a hand and giving her his middle finger. “I’m lettin’ you know, you’re not as funny as you think you are, kid.” He says before he sits up properly. “But I do agree.” He gives a shrug, as if the confession wasn’t anything big. But really, it was, because it showed them all - she was under his skin, that he actually did see how lucky he was just to have someone like her want to be around him. He looks back over to Leyla, a stare that’s much like the one he gave her when she first walked out her bathroom. Soft, admiring, paired with a gentle smile. It lingers for a few moments before he raises a brow and looks between G and his mother. “So, are you two done now? Are we good? Because if I get any hotter in this suit I’m gonna burst into flames.” Meaning, fucking quit it making him nervous and sweaty.

Leyla: It wasn’t necessarily pressure she felt at the continuous mention of her and Cain dating, it was more the obvious assumption that they were more than she even thought they were. Though that was purely down to that conversation never really happening, which, apparently up until now, it wasn’t something she even thought needed to be discussed. She was happy as she was and despite her not wanting to jump head first and hold regrets, there’s a part of her that can see herself by his side as someone who’s not just a date. “I am—-“ free, that was, her smiles widens to a grin at his mom’s vegan mention and that look on her face that was more or less begging for the answer to be no, caused her to laugh, shaking her head as if to say she wasn’t. “You’d never date a vegan?” she chuckled. “Remind me not to convert…” Her brow quirks as she winks in Cain’s direction, showing him that she was joking, teasing him almost. Seeing him nervous or seeing him blush wasn’t something she had see before and naturally, she found it cute all whilst she found it amusing.[15:52]Her head soon turns into the direction of the woman that had sat in the seat next to her, her side profile holding that same mischievous look as Lorraine makes her realise that she’s obviously family— his sister. She’s smiling as she takes a look in the direction Gianna had just come from, almost looking to see if a small herd was suddenly going to join the table they were all sitting at. That girlfriend mention had her looking at Cain, it’s a thought that wonders if he had told his mom more than he was letting on, or whether she just knew something they both clearly didn’t. “Ohhh,” Gianna emphasises with both her brows raised as she looked from her brother to Leyla, did she just put her foot in it or? By the looks on Cain’s face she did and just like her mom was doing, she too was holding in her laugh, finding that obvious humiliation he was in highly satisfying.[15:52]As he gets batted around the head for swearing, Gianna holds more of a butter wouldn’t melt expression as she pouts at Cain, as if to show some form of sympathy that was clearly put on. Whilst she does Leyla’s chuckling at the encounter, seemingly just as relaxed as she was before, not fazed by what was making Cain sweat. Sure, if she hadn’t already drank as much as she had done, she might of been—- especially with the question that’s thrown her way, what did she see in him, she’s looking from Gianna to Cain this time, more at the word punching, it’s not familiar to her, or more, it’s not familiar in the way it’s being used and the brief confusion on her features was an obvious one. With that paired with the way Cain was looking at her, she finally felt herself feel warm, a little flustered as her cheeks flushed more rosey. It’s something Gianna notices and she whips her head to her mom, a silent exchange as if she’s asking her if she saw that. “No I’m just waiting for you to spontaneously combust.” She directs to her brother with a grin, apparently having a better time than he was. Maybe this ball was worth going to after all. “Do you make him sweat like this all the time?” Leyla asks, a little smirk on her features as she’s directing her question to his sister and mom. “Or is this a rare occasion?” she’s asking as it’s new to her. “I think he just thinks you’re gonna run for the hills.” Gianna replies, biting into her cupcake now, apparently fully satisfied she had picked all the little chocolate chips out.

Cain: “It’s just wrong,” he scoffed. “Yeah, save the animals blah blah, but these people had to go one further and make meat substitutes and say you can’t tell the difference. It’s bold faced lies. I can tell the difference, there ain’t no flies on me.” He’s wrinkling his nose in disgust, quite clearly feeling strongly about it, enough to allow it to distract him from his own sweaty palms. “Yes, well besides that, I actually remember you saying once that you would never date. In general. Anyone. But here we are.” Loraine raised a brow as she pulled the conversation back around just to see the sudden rabbit in headlight eyes. “Yeah. He we are.” He sounds a little grumpy but it’s only because he knows exactly what she’s doing and he doesn’t appreciate it. Was it hot in here? He was hot, tugging lightly at his collar to try and loosen it up. Between his mother and his sister, he could swear he wasn’t gonna make it outta here alive. He’s just thankful Leyla doesn’t seem as nervous as he is, she doesn’t look terrified which actually is helping him stay somewhat calm. “We try,” Loraine smirks. “But do you know how difficult it is to do that?” Make him sweat, that was. But once she says it, she quickly catches her own words. “Well, maybe you won’t find it so difficult. But I haven’t been able to break his macho man parade in years. The last time I made him nervous sweat was when I caught him at 5 years old inside the fridge, eating the chicken I’d prepped for the next day. Whole thing, demolished.” She sighs and shakes her head in amusement. “Alright, alright, first off it wasn’t the whole chicken,” he tells Leyla. “And even if it was, it was a small chicken and you,” he looks back at his mother. “Had sent me to bed without supper because I dragged mud all over your white fur rug and secondly, the fuck do you mean you don’t make me sweat? I’m in a constant nervous state around you. You’re really unpredictably terrifying and put you together[13:24]with your sidekick,” he tips his head over to the childrens corner where CJ’s mom was. “You two can be apocalyptic. I’ve ran through a field full of live grenades while people shot at me and I’d still say that was less terrifying than you can be.” He’s smirking until he looks over at Gianna. “And don’t get me started on you. You’re not scary, you’re just a pain in my ass.” He jests, puffing out a slow breath as he rolls his shoulders. “So I’ll ask again… Are you two done?” Cain quickly lifts his drink and takes a large gulp. Loraine has both brows raised as she looks between her children and Leyla. “Mm,” she simply just hums at first before tipping her head in agreement. “Alright, I’ll give you that one.” She would agree, she could be very terrifying, but she laughs because she knows he’s only messing around. “Scarier than gunfire and grenades,” sitting back in her seat, she looks towards Leyla and shrugs. “I’ll take the compliment.” Putting her glass down, she holds a hand up in defence. “I’m done. Gianna, are you done? I think Cain’s had enough for tonight.” And with her words, he gruffs out a scoff and relents into a lazy smirk, mainly because his eyes have drifted back towards Leyla and he just can’t help it. They can all hear the frantic man who runs in the hall but over all the chatter and music, he doesn’t hear what he’s screaming about and quite honestly? He thinks what most did over in the other corner, it’s nothing. Funny how he told himself that and yet his shoulders have already tensed up, like a sense of something brewing. “Me and ‘Ana are debating ordering a pizza here, you think they’ll let us bring it in?” He chuckles, starting a more relaxed conversation. A couple minutes later, there’s a hand on his shoulder and a member of the MC who bows down to whisper in his ear, one sentence that had the colour draining from his face. “Who?” He turns to look up.[13:24]The guy glances between them all and shakes his head. “Martin.” He confesses. Cain curses under his breath, brushing a hand over his mouth as his lips twist in a thin line. Anger, sadness… That good mood? Gone. “Stay here,” he’s talking to his mother and Gianna who he figures would already be twisting to get up and go with him. “Please.” Cain adds and to his relief, at least Loraine relents and gives him a silent nod. “You too, Doc.” His smile is sympathetic as he focuses his attention on Leyla while he stands up. With a glance behind him, he sees a few members waiting for him and sighs, patting a couple of them on their shoulders and beginning his walk towards the backdoors, following behind Marcus who was naturally leading the pack, so to speak. “Jesus Christ,” Loraine whispers, gentle fingers pressed into her eyes.

Gianna: Musing along as she’s finishing off her cupcake, she’s completely drowning out the people around as well as the music, she’s more or less sitting there laughing  (  inwardly as well as outwardly  )  at everything that was being said between her mom and Cain. Being a royal pain in his ass was more her duty as his only sibling and boy did she enjoy it, so whilst she feigned that sense of feeling insulted, that little twinkle in her eye followed by a small smirk told just how much she knew exactly what she was doing. “Alright,” she nonchalantly shrugs, following their mom’s lead, “I’m done.” she gives a little nod, reaching for her glass of orange juice she takes a sip to wash down the last of the cake she was eating. Whilst for all of three seconds her eyes become drawn to the guy that has come running into the hall screaming, her attention gets pulled back to Cain as he mentions pizza. She was never really one to not engage in conversation when food was mentioned. There’s a grin on her features as she sees the look on her mom’s expressions at them wanting to stuff their faces even more than they already have, but any form of amusement fell when she saw the guy walk up to Cain, knowing she knows he’s in the MC she’s becoming more nosy, her awareness of her surroundings becoming more obvious as the room is becoming more hectic. She’s watching her brother’s face and her shoulders tense, a moment in which she’s practically ready to get up from the table but with Cain asking her to stay seated, she settles with a sigh, a frown showcasing as she watches the MC walk towards the doors.[20:25]Leyla: That amusing, relaxed— admiring atmosphere that had been created seemingly fizzled at the snap of a finger. It’s the second she’s about to say she wouldn’t say no to pizza that she watches the stranger approach and whisper in Cain’s ear that tells her  (  just as it did everyone else  )  something bad had happened. She hadn’t ignored the screams from the man abruptly rushing into the hall, it had caused her head to whip into his direction— just as it did a few others, but with the music and the loud voices, for the moment time allowed it hadn’t yet all connected together until the sheer wash over Cain’s expressions. That trait of hers that pulled her to a situation wanting to help was presently there but there’s a silent understanding that she won’t be able to and once Cain’s left the table, the hall suddenly feels quiet. There’s people whispering and as those whispers got louder it was very quickly becoming obvious what had happened. No, at this stage no one really knew what, but the fact that someone had died— Martin, it caused a frown on her expressions. She can’t place the name to a face, not right now, but she feels concerned. She can also feel herself sobering up and that floating mood she was in had been overshadowed by that thought of a murderer potentially sitting in this very hall. She doesn’t say anymore, there’s plenty she might want to say but only if she was in different company. Gianna was quiet, watching the entrance to the hall assumingly for her brother to come back in— Leyla’s first thoughts were wondering if she was worried about Cain, she was herself but she hadn’t ignored the large group he had walked out with; so she knew he’d be fine.

[kaialone]

Spirit Tracks Translation Comparison: Zelda’s Spirit

This will be a comparison of the original Japanese version and the US English localized version.

Specifically, this will cover the cutscenes in which Link follows and encounters the spirit of Princess Zelda.

You can also watch these scenes for yourself in English and Japanese. If you want, you can check out the EU English version, too.

For the comparison, the usual points apply:

Bolded is the original Japanese text, for the reference.

Bolded and italicized is my translation.

Italicized is the official NOA translation.

A (number) indicates that I have a specific comment to make on that part in the translation notes.

As you read this, please keep in mind that with translations like these, it’s important not to focus on the exact literal wordings, since there is no single “correct answer” when it comes to translations.

Rather than that, consider the actual information that is being conveyed, in which way, and why.

--

Characters in this part who had their names changed between versions:

Cirokuni = Alfonzo, Kimaroki = Cole

--

Seeing Zelda's Spirit:

Zelda:

ああ 誰か...

Ahh... Anybody...

Hello! Hello! Guards! Please help me!

Zelda:

誰か わたしが見える人 いませんか？ たすけて..

Anybody? Is there no one who can see me? Help me...

...Can any of you see me? I need your help!

-

Guard by the stairs:

ん？ なんか 今 声がしたような しなかった ような...

Huh? I thought I heard a voice just now, but maybe it was nothing...

Did you hear that voice? Or did I just imagine it?

Guard by the stairs:

最近寝不足だからな... 今日は早く帰って寝よう

Probably haven't been getting enough sleep... I oughta go home early today and hit the hay.

I really need to get more sleep. I'm so tired that I'm hearing things.

-

Following Zelda:

Zelda:

もし！ そこの兵 私が見えないのですか！？

Hello?! Can you not see me, soldier?!

Help! I need your help!

Zelda:

........

...

...Why can't anyone hear me?

-

Guard by the door:

何やら 人の気配が したような気が...

I sort of feel like there was someone here just now...

I thought I saw someone moving out of the corner of my eye.

Guard by the door:

はっきりいって こういった 広いところにいるのは あまり好きじゃないですね  

Frankly, I'm not that fond of wide open spaces like this one here.

This castle can be awfully creepy sometimes...

-

Meeting with Zelda:

Zelda:

…リンク 私が…見えるのですか？

...Link, can you... see me?

...Can you...see me, Link?

Zelda:

…そうですか シロクニには 申し訳ないことを しました

...I see. I must apologize for what happened to Cirokuni.

...I must apologize to Alfonzo for what happened.

Zelda:

そして あなたにも…

And to you, too...

And to you too.

Zelda:

まさか大臣が あのような 魔物だったなんて…

To think that the minister was such a monster... 

I never knew the chancellor was capable of such evil.

Zelda:

長年 気がつかなかった 私が愚かでした

All these years, I never noticed it. I was a fool.

All these years, and I never noticed what he really was.

I was a fool.

Zelda:

リンク あなたも見ましたね？

あの禍々しく変わってしまった 神の塔の姿を

Link, you saw it too, right?

How the Tower of God changed so ominously?

And the Tower of Spirits breaking apart...

You saw it too, didn't you, Link?

Zelda:

塔が あのような奇怪な 動きを始めた理由…

あの魔物と関係があることは 間違い無いでしょう

The reason that the tower started moving in such a bizarre way...

It must have something to do with that monster, no doubt about it.

It must have something to do with the dark forces.

Zelda:

これまでの線路が消える現象も 全て彼ら…

キマロキ達の仕業とみるのが 妥当だと思います

Not to mention the train tracks that have been disappearing lately. They...

Kimaroki and the other one are behind it all, I am sure of it.  (1)

After all, they made the Spirit Tracks disappear.

This must be the handiwork of Cole and his cronies.

Zelda:

それにしても…キマロキの 目的は何なのでしょ？

Even so... what is Kimaroki after?

But what could their goal be?

Zelda:

結界が消えた…と言って いましたが それはいったい？

He said the barrier was vanishing... but what is that supposed to mean?

He said something about the Spirit Tracks vanishing.

What did he mean by that?

Zelda:

それに私の体を持ち去った 理由も分かりません…

And I do not know why they took my body, either...

And why would they take my body away with them?

Zelda:

何をしようと いうのでしょうか…？

What are they going to do...?

What will they do with it?

Zelda:

あ ごめんなさい…

Oh, I am sorry...

Oh, I'm sorry.

Zelda:

私 この姿になってから 浮けるようになったみたいです…

I seem to have started floating when I assumed this form...  (2)

It seems I'm much…lighter without my body.

Zelda:

リンク

Link.

Listen, Link.

Zelda:

私は もう一度あの塔に 行こうと思います

I would like to go to that tower once more.

Let's try again to go to the Tower of Spirits.

Zelda:

こうなっては何としても 賢者様に お会いしなければ

At this point, I absolutely have to meet with the sage.

Now more than ever, we must find the tower's sage!

But before we go, I want to show you something.

Zelda:

この楽器は大地の笛といって 昔から王家に伝わるものです

This instrument is called the Flute of the Land, and has been passed down the royal family for a long time.

This Spirit Flute is a prized family heirloom.

It's been handed down for generations.

Zelda:

この地に移り住んだ ご先祖様が お持ちだったと聞いています

I heard that it once belonged to my ancestor, the one who migrated to this land.

It originally belonged to one of my ancestors,

the one who founded this kingdom.

Zelda:

…わたしの大事な 宝物なんです

...It is my greatest treasure.

It is my greatest treasure of all.

Zelda:

リンク 今わたしは これを持つことも出来ません

Right now, I cannot even hold it, Link.

I can't carry it while I'm in this state, as you can see.

Zelda:

でもこれは ご先祖様から 伝わるもの…

きっと わたしを守ってくれると 思うのです

But it has been passed down from my ancestor...

I am certain that it will protect me.

But I'm certain it's meant to protect me.

Zelda:

これ以上 ご迷惑をおかけ するのは忍びないのですが…

I cannot bear to ask any more of you, but...

I can hardly ask you to do any more for me...

Zelda:

これを持って もう一度…

Would you take this, and...

But...will you take this?

Zelda:

一緒に塔へ行って もらえないでしょか？

Would you go to the tower with me again?

And will you come to the tower with me?

Zelda:

今のわたしには あなたしか 頼れる人が いないのです

Now there is no one left I can turn to but you.

You're the only person I can turn to now.

Text Box:

大地の笛を手に入れた！

You got the Flute of the Land!

You got the Spirit Flute!

Text Box:

きっとそのうち 何かの役に立つはずだ

It'll definitely be useful in some form.

This pan flute will probably come in very handy!

Zelda:

ありがとうございます リンク…

Thank you so much, Link...

Thank you so much, Link...

Zelda:

では参りましょう

わたしは この姿で あなたに付いていきますね

Now then, let us depart.

I will follow you in this form.

Now then, shall we go? I will travel alongside you.

Translation Notes:

What I translated as “Kimaroki and the other one” is キマロキ達/Kimaroki-tachi in Japanese. Adding the suffix 達/-tachi essentially means “that person as well as one or more additional people”. In the context here, I felt it most likely referred to just Cole and Byrne, which is why I translated it the way I did.

What I translated as “floating” here is 浮ける/ukeru in Japanese, which can refer to floating in the sense of being light, like when levitating, or floating on water, similar to the English word.

--

Comparisons & Thoughts:

The localized dialogue in this part is overall pretty close to the original version, and well-written as usual.

But there are still several aspects I want to point out here, though some of them are more about how prior changes alter the implications here.

-

I want to start with Zelda’s flute.

We don’t learn the full story behind it until later, but I still want to go over it here, since this is the point in the game where it’s first named.

In both versions, receiving this flute is significant, since Link will use it throughout his adventure, but it’s especially important in the Japanese version.

Like I mentioned in the introduction of this comparison series, the Japanese name of this game is 大地の汽笛/Daichi no Kiteki, meaning “Steam Whistle of the Land”, which ties directly into the name of this instrument, 大地の笛/Daichi no Fue, meaning the “Flute of the Land”.

So, in the Japanese version, we are finally receiving the instrument which the game is partially named for, so it’s a moment not unlike receiving the Ocarina of Time or the Wind Waker in their respective games.

In the English version, the name Spirit Flute does relate to the game title Spirit Tracks, but since this version overall has plenty of things that have “Spirit” in their name, the flute itself doesn’t stand out as being particularly special.

In Japanese, the flute is completely unique with its “of the Land” descriptor.

I also want to explain in more detail what the name “Flute of the Land” actually means.

The “Land” part of this name, is 大地/daichi in Japanese, which could also be translated as “earth” or “ground”. But in this case, it’s referring to “the Land”, as in the entire land the game takes place in.

In a way, the flute symbolizes this land itself. As we learn later, it used to belong to the sage of the tower at the center of the land, and the colors of its pipes reflect those of the individual regions: Forest, Snow, Ocean, Fire, Sand, and even Darkness.

We will also learn later that this flute having been entrusted to Zelda’s family was done so under the condition that they would promise to protect the land.

With this flute, as well as the game’s title, and the overall dialogue in it, the Japanese version places more importance on the actual land.

This ties in with the history of its native people and pantheon, plus the divine servants and their sacred instruments, which still continue their ancient traditions and duties, playing important roles in the narrative.

In turn, Zelda and Link, being representative of the Hyrulean people, prove themselves worthy and capable of continuing this legacy over the course of the story.

These are elements which are still present in the English version, but a few general changes like this one make them slightly less prominent.

The English version focuses on a general “Spirit”-themed branding, though I feel this was done for marketing purposes, rather than censorship or anything.

-

It’s minor, but I want to mention this change of what one of the guards says:

Frankly, I’m not that fond of wide open spaces like this one here.

This castle can be awfully creepy sometimes…

Mostly because I think it’s another neat example of completely rewriting the original line, but still conveying its meaning.

It’s just this optional line from a guard, but maybe that’s why it kinda stood out to me.

-

After Link confirms to Zelda that he can see her, the scene cuts to a shot of just the room’s window, which slowly zooms out.

In the Japanese version, Zelda’s next line starts with her saying “…I see.”

Combined with the framing, this tells us that there was probably a tiny skip in time, during which Link told Zelda about the current situation, particularly how Alfonzo is completely out of commission now.

The English version omits this line, and thus the implication, but it could be another oversight from lack of context.

It’s a minor difference, but it explains how Zelda later knows about the extent of Alfonzo’s injuries, compared to the mostly unscathed Link.

-

I’ve already talked about terms that the Japanese versions of Zelda games generally use when referring to the demonic, and also how the respective English versions of Zelda games generally go for “monster” rather than “demon” when adapting those.

And in that same vein, you’ll notice the English version of this game right here seems to avoid calling Cole a demon directly, and doesn’t even go as far as calling him a monster in this particular part.

Instead, phrasings like “evil” and “the dark forces” are used instead.

It’s strange, because they did finally use the term “Demon King” in the English version of this game, but for some reason they avoid most other instances of demonic aspects being mentioned.

It could be they were only using different phrasings for the sake of sounding natural, and it coincidentally ended up like this, but I can’t say for sure.

I won’t bring this up every time there is an example of it, but you can keep an eye out for yourselves whenever something like “demons” comes up in Japanese, and see how the English version handles those instances.

-

In the Japanese version, Zelda says she’s certain that Cole and co. are also involved with the disappearing of the train tracks, in addition to what happened to the tower.

While she’s later proven to be right, it’s still supposed to be speculation on her part here.

In the English version, Zelda instead states that Cole and co. made the tracks disappear like it’s a confirmed fact.

Cole did mention that the tracks disappearing was something beneficial to their plans in English, but he technically didn’t say that they were the ones behind it.

-

Also, a minor detail is that in English, “Cole and his cronies” is used as the translation for キマロキ達/Kimaroki-tachi.

This is a possible way to translate this, but at this point we haven’t really been given any indication that there are any more people besides just Cole and Byrne involved, so it’s more likely Zelda was supposed to be referring to just those two in Japanese.

-

In both versions, Zelda talks primarily about Cole in this cutscene, rather than Byrne.

So there isn’t really a change here, But the context of previous scenes slightly changes the implications.

In the English version, Cole has acted as the primary antagonist so far.

So, there is nothing unusual about Zelda speaking of him the way she does here.

However, in the Japanese version, Cole had previously acted subservient to Byrne, referring to him as “master”. And Link earlier described Cole as a “minion” to Teacher.

Despite that, Zelda still focuses on Cole here, showing that from her perspective, he is the more prominent antagonistic force, likely because of their history.

-

When Zelda shows her flute to Link, the English version adds a line of her saying she’s about to show him something.

This was probably done to make the transition flow better, which is understandable.

-

In the Japanese version, Zelda says that her ancestor “migrated to this land”, whereas in the English version she says her ancestor “founded this kingdom”.

Both are true, but note again how the Japanese version puts a bit more focus on the actual land itself, rather than the current kingdom in it.

Also, it’s not important just yet, but over the course of the game, there will be occasional mentions of Zelda’s ancestor, or ご先祖様/gosenzo-sama in Japanese.

In the Japanese version, any mention of this almost exclusively refers to one specific ancestor of hers: Tetra.

But in the English version, this sometimes gets translated more vaguely as “ancestors”, making the references to Tetra more ambiguous.

So keep that in mind.

-

And finally, when they are about to leave, the Japanese version has Zelda say “I will follow you in this form”, referring to the small ball of light form she turns into while travelling.

The English version just has her say “I will travel alongside you“, maybe because they didn’t realize what she meant by “this form”, considering they probably didn’t get to see the footage.

-

As I said, the dialogue in this part is pretty close and well-written.

Almost all the notable differences here are the results of prior changes or possible lack of context for the translators.

I can’t help but wonder how this script would’ve turned out under different circumstances?

The biggest change for me here is definitely the name of the flute and how it ties into the name of the game, as well as the story, because it’s likely to shift the perspective of the player.

Anyway, that’s it for this part, feel free to check out the next one!

--

< Previous Part | Start | Next Part >

--

[myownworldstayout]

Prompt #15 Contest

@felixmonth

“Bumblebee, on your left!” Felix flung his turtle shell shield in her direction, hitting one of the mini akuma monsters right in the center. 

The bee themed hero glanced in his direction, a cheeky grin on her lips. “Thanks, Bouclier. Looks like you’re finally able to aim with that thing.”

Bouclier rolled his eyes, clasping his shield to his back. “Tch. Whatever. I’ve already taken out more akumas than you’ve even looked at.”

“I don’t know, Bouclier.” Kitsune cut in, using his flute to smack one of the akumas. “Bumblebee’s gotten a lot.. but I have more than both of you combined, anyway. So it doesn’t matter.” 

Bouclier and Bumblebee both narrowed their eyes at the fox hero.

“That a challenge, Kit?” Bumblebee asked, placing her hands on her hips.

“Guys, I don’t really think now is the time.” Viperon spoke up, dodging another akuma.

“If you wanna lose, sure.” Kitsune answered with a smirk, completely ignoring the snake hero’s comment. 

Bumblebee scoffed, hands sliding off her hips down to her spinning top. “Alright, big shot, here’s the rules-”

“Rules?” Tatsu interrupted, propping her dragon sword up on her shoulder. “Wait, are we doing a competition? I’m in.” 

“Seriously?” Viperon sighed, running his hands through his hair. Felix wasn’t all that surprised. Viperon and Tatsu may be the more responsible ones on the team, but Tatsu never backed down from a contest. 

“Whoever has the most mini akumas by the end of the battle wins. No stealing.” Bumblebee stated, putting her hand palm-up in the middle of the group. Everyone high fived it- including Viperon, though he acted annoyed -as a symbol of agreement. Then, the game began. 

Ladybug didn’t usually have all of them on the battlefield at once, but today was one of the harder akumas. A woman had apparently lost a chess game and decided to prove that the “quantity over quality” strategy could actually work. She’d created an innumerable amount of foot sized chess pawns. They found out in the classroom that if too many touched you, you’d be turned to wood and used as another chess piece. He and Marinette were the only ones to make it out of there, unfortunately. Not even Adrien was able to escape. What’s worse is that Chat Noir decided not to show up today, either. What a convenient day to take a vacation.

With no other options, Ladybug gave the miraculous to all of the other members of the miraculous team, Aurore, Wayhem, Luka, and Kagami. Felix already had his miraculous, since he was a full time hero like Ladybug and Chat Noir.

“Hey, that was totally my akuma!” Kitsune frowned, watching Bumblebee throw a disabled pawn on top of a quickly growing pile. 

Bumblebee laughed, her blond pigtails bouncing along with her shoulders. “You sound like a friend of mine. He pouts just like that all the time.”

Of course, none of them knew the superhero team they fought along side was also the group of friends they hung out with everyday. Felix and Marinette were the only ones who knew everyone’s identities, save Chat Noir’s.

“Your friend sounds great.” Kitsune stated proudly.

“Guys, focus!” Viperon ordered, drawing their attention back to the akumas. Come to think of it, this was probably why Ladybug didn’t have them on an official team all the time. They tend to get distracted easily.

“Viperon, if you keep telling everyone to focus, you’re never gonna win the contest.” Tatsu said with a smile, smacking one of the akumas straight into her pile. 

Viperon threw a look towards the dragon-themed hero, but quieted down anyways. 

Bouclier hid a smirk as he shoveled a few pawns into his pile with his shield. If they all kept talking like this, there was no doubt in his mind he would win by a long shot.

~~~~~

“42..43.. Ha! 44 and counting. Beat that, Bumble.” Kitsune grinned, throwing the last disabled pawn onto his pile. 

Bumblebee hummed, playing with the fuzz on her suit disinterestedly. “52.” She looked up at with a smirk. “And counting.”

Kitsune crossed his arms, working on sputtering out some sort of reply when Tatsu tapped her sword on the concrete.

“That all you got? I’m at 67.” 

“89” Viperon suddenly called out, causing the three to turn to him. He stood lazily next to his pile, which had a few inches on him, and brushed off his hands.

“I thought you said you weren’t playing.” Bouclier pointed out, an amused glint in his eye. 

Viperon shrugged. “Didn’t say I wouldn’t play, just said we shouldn’t be playing during akuma attacks. Anyway, what’s your count?” 

The turtle-themed hero smirked at the question. “98.”

A few “boo”s came from Bumblebee and Kitsune. Tatsu only scoffed. 

“Since my number obviously topped all of yours that means I wo-” Bouclier was cut off by a disabled pawn hitting him from behind. He stumbled forward, clutching the back of his head and whipping around to see who assaulted him.

There stood Ladybug, high and mighty as she towered over them with her own pile of pawns. 

“203.” She said simply, the most smug expression he’d ever seen on her features.

Bumblebee blinked, staring up at their team leader. “What..?”

“How is that even possible?!” Kitsune shouted, burying his hands in his thick, dark brown hair. 

“I thought you were after the main akuma? How did you get so many pawns?” Viperon asked, almost in a daze.

Ladybug twirled one of the pawns in her hands. “I did. Turns out when you go for the Queen of Chess, she’s willing to sacrifice an unbelievable amount of pawns.”

Felix sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He was so close to winning, too. “Why am I not surprised?”

“This is why you’re the leader.” Tatsu blurted out, pure admiration shining through her tone.

The miraculous team learned a valuable lesson that day. Never, under any circumstances, hold a contest unless you’re certain Ladybug isn’t around. She will very much demolish you without a second thought.

[queakenstein]

Hello Queaky! Hope you are okay in this whole corona situation! Could you do Zelink where Zelda is stubborn daughter of president and Link is her personal bodyguard??

I’m doing fine and I hope you are too!! <3 Hopefully, you enjoy this! (sorry, it took so long to get it out, I had to rewrite it because I’m an idiot.)

__________________________

The music is swelling from somewhere below as her foot touches the cold ledge beneath the window she is sitting half-way out of. It’s some kind of jazz-y number that’s sure to get the crowd moving but it’s only making her dinner want to vacate her stomach. It’s reminding her too much of the fake smiles and obscene amount of cologne use. Zelda tucks the tastefully curled hair framing her face behind her ears and shakes off the other heel. Keeping in mind that she’s about three-stories high, she quickly decides that this dress is one of the worst decisions she’s ever made.

After all, she’s plenty used to sneaking out of ‘the palace’. 

“Uh?” A voice startles her. “Seriously?”

Zelda’s head shoots up and one of those curls lands directly across her nose. “This isn’t what it looks like!” 

Link, dressed in particularly formal attire for his usual jeans and a t-shirt loving self, blinks at her and drums his fingers against the two champagne flutes in his head. “So, excuse me for asking, Princess, but what exactly is it supposed to look like?” 

“I just--” A conversation drifts up on the night air and she stops. She knows what it will look like to others if they catch her and they definitely would not think it has anything to do with her sneaking out. She slips back in as gracefully as she can given the rather well fitting dress she has on and huffs. “I wanted to bail.” Zelda crosses her arms drops her chin to her chest. “You had to go and ruin it.”

Link scoffs. “So, it’s my fault?” He downs one of the drinks in a swift motion that almost surprises her had she not seen how well the man can take a double shot. “Not fair.” Link ponders the other glass for a moment before finally handing it over to her. “My job is to keep you safe. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t complicate the whole me-paying-my-rent thing by throwing yourself out windows.”

“I wasn’t throwing myself out.” She glares, swirls the liquid around with half a mind to attempt his maneuver before telling herself it would just make her vomit. “I’ve done this plenty of times. For most of my early teens.”

“Well, you’re twenty-two now. Don’t you think it’s time you learned to use the backdoor?” He leans against the wall next to the window she’s seated on and sighs, tiredly. “Listen, I know you hate this and, honestly, I hate it for you too. It’s not right what your dad is doing--”

“Is this the part where you tell the hostage that she just needs to shut up and deal with it?” Her tone doesn’t lend itself any particular viciousness but he can tell she’s angry. “Because, I really, really don’t need you to tell me to suck it up.”

Link bobs his head forward a bit. “Yeah, you kind of do.”

“Excuse me?” Zelda’s head snaps to him and she glares. “You wanna repeat that?”

“Hey, hey, hey.” He holds his hands up. “Listen! Just for a second and let me explain.” Link points to the party going on beneath them. “His term will be ending in just a couple months. I know you hate being his beautiful, smart, charitable little darling but if you can suck it up for just a bit then you’re free.” Link shrugs. “I know you hate being the figurehead that he has made you to be and I certainly know how much you hate the pressure of the fame... but if you just let me help you through this last stretch then... maybe it won’t be so bad.” He smirks. “And maybe you don’t have to climb out windows.”

Zelda rolls her eyes. “Easy for you to say, you own everything you have. I don’t. He has them all tied up with the promise that as long as I smile and continue on being  the sweet ‘princess’ Zelda who helps her father with all of his charities, who fights the good fight for the lesser people, who is beautiful, and smart but gracefully... and certainly not anything but this pure beacon of light... That I’ll have my classes paid for and he will help me open up my sanctuary.”

“You’d do those things anyway.” Link takes her empty glass from her and sits it down next to him as he slides down the wall to sit. “It’s not like you’re a raging bitch or anything.” He chuckles.

“It’s the pressure of perfection.” She manages to plop down next to him despite the protests of her dress and lays her head against his shoulder. “I don’t mind the other stuff but I have to always watch what I do or else it’s a bad tabloid.”

“What does it matter if there’s no more terms after this?”

“His stellar record and he has businesses he’d like to set up after this.” There’s a long pause while the two sit. Music and bits of conversations from those now milling about in the back garden carry to them on the air.

“So, where were you going to go after getting down from the window?” 

“There’s some stables down the road from here. Thought I might go down and hang out with the horses.”

“In that dress?”

“The plan was to get out. Everything else would just... file in later.” 

Link snorts. “You don’t have a change of clothes or anything in your room?”

Zelda laughs. “It took three people to get me into this dress. I had planned to sneak out for a little bit then come back for the finale--”

“Smelling like a stable?”

“Shh.” She covers his mouth. “So I could say good-bye then return to my room and rip this stupid thing off.” She removes her hand and drops it in her lap.

“I can help you know?” He smiles.

Zelda half gasps and half laughs. “Did you just use a line on me? No, thanks, I can get out of it on my own--”

“That’s not what I meant.” He levels an unamused expression at her then add, “Also, rude.” Link stands and holds a hand out to help her up. “I meant that I can help you get out of here for a bit.”

“Oh.” She blushes. “H-How are you going to do that then?”

He smirks. “The backdoor.” Then yanks her up hard enough that she comes off the ground and into his arms. Though she scrowls at him, he asks with a grin. “Tell me, honestly, though... you’ve never at least... you know, thought about it?” He lifts his eyebrows and laughs.

“You’re so gross.” She laughs, a sound that rings down the hallway, and pushes his face away from hers with one hand before snagging his chin to pull it back. “Wait,” Her face darkens into a deep rosey shade, “does that mean you have?!”

“Not if you haven’t.” He replies and puts her down so he can step away. “After all, wouldn’t be a nice story if the princess starts dating her knight...”

Zelda hums. “Maybe not.” She slips her hand into his and smiles. “But, maybe... if she were to go on a... trial date with her friend then it wouldn’t be so bad.”

“Well,” He squeezes her hand and let’s go. “We can talk about that after we get you through this party.” He motions for her to follow. “C’mon. One of the chefs is a friend of mine and I’m sure he will help us sneak out through the kitchen.”

“And how will we get into the kitchen without it looking super odd?” She indicates the dress she’s wearing. “Not exactly what one would wear in there.”

“Or for scaling walls but here we are.” They slip passed a group of attendees as they climb the stairs. No doubt they are all going up to the third floor balcony for all the beautiful group photo opportunities. It won’t be long before everyone beings to truly mill about the place save for the few very secure, private rooms. “We can merely say something about making sure the dessert is going well and just leave from there.”

“Why would I check that?”

“You know, you worry about everyone watching every move you make but, really, this sort of thing wouldn’t be all that weird. Aren’t you like... the co-host of this party?” He extends his elbow to her as they enter the hallway that leads into the main part of the first floor.

“You’re surprising clever sometimes, Link.” 

“I wish you’d tell me that more often.”

“Am I honestly that mean to you?”

He chuckles and shakes his head. “No, but you really do make this job interesting.” He glances at her out of the corner of his eye. “You know, if I were to take a very good friend out on a date... I think I would take her bowling.”

“Bowling?” She quirks an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah. Not something I think every girl who actually wears ballgowns about ten times out of the year has ever done... and I think she would have fun.” They are caught by a couple of officials which halt their progress but Zelda handles them as beautifully as she was taught. They avoid the ballroom and slip into the madhouse of the kitchen. Link’s friend spots them almost immediately and Zelda is shocked at the speed that he agrees to help them slip out. It’s as simple as them just exchanging quick cover stories and suddenly she’s out in the night air. Link approaches on of the guards playing with his phone on a golf cart and she watches as he slaps something into the man’s hand. “Come on, let’s go pet some horses.”

She climbs onto the vehicle and they’re off.  “I can’t believe it was that easy....” Dread and panic swirls in her stomach. “What if someone sees us drive off?”

“Night pictures and selfies around the property for your Nstagram.” Link smirks. “It is a beautiful night and perfect for that kind of thing.” He bumps her with his shoulder. “I think you get stuck on the big picture sometimes... and you forget to ask for help.”

She nods but refuses to agree, vocally. She likes being able to rely on herself. “How much money did you pay that man back there for this?”

“Oh, that wasn’t money.”

Zelda’s get wide. “Well... what was it?”

Link pats her head and chuckles. “Herbal medicine.”

“Link! Oh, my Goddess. You carry that on you? Don’t you know that’s illegal.” She takes a deep breath and then breathes out. “Holy fuck, how do you work for the government?”

“Because I can kill a man with my bare hands and there’s very few people in this world who can stop me without putting a bullet in my head?” Link doesn’t take his eyes off the road then scoffs. “Your father pays me good money to keep you safe, Zelda... and as much as he tries to keep your record clean... well, let’s just say that he makes a few exceptions when it comes to my employment.”

“I... I know he said you came with a stellar background and I’ve seen you fight before--Scary, by the way-- and I know he’s done some shady things... but are you telling me that one of your stipulations in your contract is that you can smoke pot?”

“Yep.” He laughs. “Also, bowling... would you be interested?”

“Still on about that?” She snorts and smiles. “Yeah, I’ve never done it before but sure... I’d love to.”

“As a date?”

She bites her lip. “Are we talking like... a romantic see where this could go kind of thing. Kind of date?”

“That’s what a date is, yeah.” He adds after a quick pause. “After all of this is over.”

“You’d wait a couple of months for one date?”

They arrive at the stable and come to a halt. Link turns to her and smiles in a very soft way. “I’ve waited a bit longer than that to ask you on one.” He takes her hand. “If you really aren’t interested in me like that then it’s fine. I’m a big boy and I’m fine hearing no.”

“I’d love to.”

“Oh!” He beams and lifts her hand up to kiss it. “Awesome.” Link slips out of the golf cart to help her down. “Now, come on, we’ll go see the horses for a bit and then hurry back.