#i also just realized that i am not sure this would be feasible on my actual bday night

[lexa-griffins]

Alright so since i messed up the week day for my bday, how about we start horny hour on wednesday 7th around 6 pm and because I always end up going until like 4 am on those, we'll finish on my actual birthday, Thursday 8th :D

[thebibliosphere]

I saw your post about ingram, and out of curiosity, is there some advantage to going through the whole self-publishing thing with retailers when you're just starting out? like I mean the way that fandom zines work is that they don't even bother going through ingram or amazon or whatever. they just set up a social media site (usually twitter) to gain followers, open preorders (usually 1-2 months in length) to generate the costs of printing upfront, and then sell anywhere from a few dozen to several hundred copies of their books (usually artbooks, but anthologies exist too). I've seen some zines generate over a thousand orders. they're kind of like pop-up shops, except for books. maybe the sales numbers aren't so impressive to a real author, but the profit generated is typically waaaay more than the $75+ apparently needed for Ingram Spark, so I still feel like new authors could benefit from this method too, especially if they just need some start-up cash to eventually move to ingram if they want to for subsequent runs of their book. I think authors would also have to set aside some of the pre-order money to buy an ISBN number to have printed on their book, and I'm not really sure what other differences there are, but I just wanted to ask about it in case there's some huge disadvantage I'm missing!

So, popup zines work well for some people, and I know some authors who kickstart their work successfully. But for a lot, it's just not feasible as a long-term stratedy. Or even as a means to get off the ground.

Fanzines succeed primarily because an existing fanbase is willing and ready to throw money at something they love. They’ve got a favorite writer or artist they want to support. Supporting all the others is just a happy by-product. They also take a HUGE amount of short-term but intense planning that just doesn’t always jive with how some of us work.

I, for one, would never offer to organize a fanzine. I’ll take part in them as a creator, but I’d rather throw myself off a cliff than subject myself to wrangling that many people and dealing with the legal logistics.

When it comes to authors doing anthologies, it'svery much the same. The success of the funding often hinges on having other big-name authors involved whose existing fans will prop up the project. Or having a huge marketing budget.

Most self-pub authors have zero marketing budget. I’m one of them, and I’m under no illusions that my work would not be as popular and self-sustaining as it is if I didn’t have a large Tumblr blog.

When I thank Tumblr in my forewards, I am utterly sincere. Tumblr brought fandom levels of enthusiasm to an unknown work and broke the Amazon algorithm so hard, that Amazon thought I was bot sniping my way to multiple #1 spots and froze my sales rankings.

That’s not the norm. And while I could probably kickstart my own work as an indie creator, that’s because I’ve put literal decades into building up a readership. I’ve been doing this since I was 16 and realized people thought I was funny. I didn’t know what to do with it or if I’d ever actually write anything, but it meant the groundwork was already there (thank you, past-me). I basically fell upward into my success by virtue of never being able to shut the fuck up and wanting to make people laugh. Clown instincts too strong.

New or first-time authors trying to sell their work without that will find it infinitely harder.

All of that aside, even if an unknown author somehow gets lucky and manages to fund their work, there’s still the question of shipping and distribution logistics. Are you shipping everything yourself? Better hope you’re able-bodied and have the time for it. (for reference, it took me months to ship out 300 patreon hardbacks because of my disabilites. It damaged my back and hands. I couldn’t type for several weeks after I was done.)

Are you going to sell primarily at conventions? Better hope you’re able-bodied, have the time and don’t have cripling anxiety about being in large groups...

Also, will selling a dozen to a few thousand copies in one burst be sustainable in the long run as a career? Not for me. Doing things via Ingram and Amazon means I earn a steady trickle of sales for the rest of my life provided the platforms remain and so long as I keep working and can generate interest in the series, not just when I have funds to pay for physical copies to sell. The one-time (in theory) cost of $75 to distribute through Ingram gets paid off pretty quick that way. And it doesn't require the same logistics as doing the popup/crowdfund.

Ultimately, it comes down to what you are capable of but also the type of work you’re doing. If you’ve got an extended network of fellow creatives who will back you or you’ve got a large following elsewhere, doing it like a popup might work for you.

If you’re an exhausted burnout who can’t fathom the short but intense amount of organization that sort of thing requires, not to mention doing it over and over and over... Ehhhhh. No thank you.

[phoenixyfriend]

Was watching a ContraPoints video (popular trans lady YouTuber) on some gender philosophy and got to thinking about trans girl Ani nuances.

OKAY SO: Contrapoints makes a comment in the video (transcript here) that she views herself as a boy who became a woman, not a girl who didn't realize it yet, which is a relatively uncommon approach among trans people, and that's in the middle of a longer discussion on the flaws in radfem theology (which I watched right after this PhilosophyTube video, and accidentally conflated the two since the former talked a lot about systems/structures of gender).

Anyway, I'm rotating that in my mind with regards to Anakin, who grew up in a setting that could easily be interpreted as having a much foggier distinction between Man and Woman than between Slave and Maste,r or human and twilek, etc.

It's entirely feasible that, on Tatooine in particular, the social elements of gender came down to very practical concerns (reproduction) and very superficial signs (e.g. hairstyle could maybe broadcast intended gender, and who wears skirts) outside of the specific situation of highly gendered and sexual forms of slavery (Jabba's dancing girls), which was relatively rare compared to more standard forms, like shop work or janitorial or what have you.

So you have an Anakin who grew up in a setting where "am I a girl?" isn't necessarily a question that would have the same answer as in another setting with more defined gender distinctions, in terms of both expression and role, and of the matter of identity at that confluence.

Then he--still he, at that time--meets Padmé and the handmaidens (very feminine, very girl, but not in a way that's at all like the way women on Tatooine willingly engage with), and encounters Coruscant culture (lots of gender dynamics due to the culture mash, but a low-key Western Misogyny vibe in the Senate and other non-Jedi settings Anakin's liable to encounter), as well as the Jedi classes on gender and sexuality and respecting/navigating those parts of culture on other planets.

As a result, Anakin starts developing a new, more nuanced and expansive understanding of gender, where it's more than just a few small differences, and the people around are mostly Jedi, who are also pretty dang open to nontraditional gender approaches etc And Anakin sort of… grows into wanting to be woman? In a way that isn't the usual "I always knew I was a girl" and more of an "I've learned what people consider a girl, and I'd like to be one."

And like. Ani COULD go back to thinking of gender in Tatooine terms, but why bother? Being a girl makes her happy. She wasn't unhappy as a boy in that gender framework, but she's happy as a girl now.

But because she didn't mind being raised a boy, she might say things a "when I was a boy" or "back when I was still living as a boy"

Me every time I hear a new, interesting take on gender: How can I apply this to a fictional character?

Also tbf this settles pretty well with my general thoughts on nb Anakin as well, where gender is like… It Sure Is A Thing That Exists. Anyway, Where's The Blasterfire?

[pruning-the-minds-garden]

Another one of Those Posts

Mental health and relationship stuff under the cut.

I was trying to be around here more consistently, but life got the better of me for both good and bad reasons. The good is a new job in a more friendly part of the country so I am preparing to move ~3000 miles to the PNW soon. The bad is... well, what we're about to allude to.

It came to a head last night. I was reading a book on female sexuality ("Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski) and realized that much of what's in there could be of interest to my wife. I told her as much. That kicked off a spate of her yelling and crying at me.

Apparently, I am a villain for only caring about female sexuality now that I'm thinking about transition. That is not why I'm thinking thinking about it and in reality I asked my therapist for advice on the subject because of our issues in the relationship and wanting to address them, as well as heading any potential personal issues off at the pass because I have danced that dance before. I have asked prior therapists for similar and not gotten much of use, but this time was different. As soon as I knew it would be useful for her, I shared it with her. That I did not have that book years ago was apparently me intentionally withholding help from her and hurting her in the process. The reasons I did not provide more active support in that and instead gave her the space and resources to solve the problem herself, was three-fold: 1) I did not feel comfortable with interfering in her relationship with her body (i.e. her bodily autonomy) without an explicit say-so, which I never got; 2) She never game me any clear (or even unclear) direction on the kind of help she needed or wanted; and 3) The times I did take the lead, it got so mentally taxing after a while that I had to bow out for my own health. She knew that because I told her, but in her mind that was a conscious decision on my part to hang her out to dry. That speaks to a very... troubling... way she thinks of me in the corners of her mind.

Then she talked about my transition. With a face that twisted at times into what I can only call disgust, she said that she did not know "what she had" and whether I would be a husband, a wife, a spouse, a partner or something else and she wasn't sure she wanted some of those. Now, she has said that she is bisexual for years, and she has supported me in my transition thus far... so that she would reveal that those thoughts and feelings were in her head/heart is... troubling. She says she supports me and affirms my state regardless of what it is, that she loves Me, and says that's enough... but is that true? Does she love me, or does she love me when/if I present masculine and take care of all her needs?

Then, she talked about an incident between us. She'd said she buried the hatchet on that incident and we've talked it to death... but she referred to it in the unfair and reductive way she has in the past, calling it an affair when it was not. It was a consent violation, yes, and I have apologized for that as well as doing my best to make amends... but it was not an affair. Additionally, I don't know how she thinks she has a leg to stand on. She knows me and I am open about everything I do. As well, our relationship started as an affair she had on her ex fiance, without telling me that's what it was, and which happened due to a mismatch between their sex drives. Like, even if that's what it was (which it was not), she ought to understand the reason behind it and have a little forgiveness in her heart for the difficulty therein.

Obviously we need some counseling or something, and that's on the menu if feasible under my new insurance. I just... I don't know what to do with all this. She is treating this like it's my fault for opening the can of worms and everything she said was said in a state of heightened emotion and passion and so isn't really indicative of her thoughts... which, that's fair to an extent... but it also isn't an excuse. She said those things. Those words-as-actions are hers to own, and are her responsibility to deal with the fallout for. They hurt me, a lot. This is also not the first time. I have brought this up with her before, she said she would work on it and change for the better... and now, this.

She has also only gotten less capable of doing anything on her own. More and more chores are my responsibility because her neurodivergent brain just won't let her do them. More and more of her life is my responsibility - things like her student loans which are mine to handle, her prescriptions which I manage, and the bank account which she refuses to check before she makes purchases of things we don't need (but which are nice to have regardless, though doing so at the expense of having any financial cushion is a problem). These things used to not be an issue. I used to be able to trust that she'd take care of the car on her own, but she hasn't gotten the inspection sticker updated for two years nor taken it for an oil change in that time, nor fixed the crack in the windshield, not the headlights. I used to be able to trust that the cats were taken care of, but now I do 100% of the litter box cleaning and 2/3 of the feeding. Things like just maintaining the house, which has fallen apart. I work 40 hrs a week and make 100% of the income for the house... and now it feels like I am doing most of the housework as well. That isn't equitable, when what she does all day is paint-by-numbers, watch Youtube documentaries, and sew/knit/spin. When I get home - and yes, I have brought this up with her several times - she keeps doing those things, but gets mad at me if I don't Just Know which chores need to be done because she has not done them.

None of this feels right, and yet somehow I'M the villain of the tale. I don't think there IS a villain to this story - not me, not her - and that we're both just people... but I very much do not want to be fitted for that Black Hat in her mind, subconsciously or not.

Blah.

[1moreff-creator]

Trying to figure out the DRDT chapter 2 murder method, with evidence! (Theory)

CW: Murder, mentions of suicide, hanging, general brutality.

So, I’ve noticed a lot of people have given their predictions for the second case murderer, the motives and all that. This is obviously what most people care about, and I love reading predictions for it!

However, I am not most people. I also am really curious about the exact murder method.

You see, DRDT has consumed my brain mercilessly, and thus I have decided I can’t wait for the hiatus to end, and want to see if I can figure out the murder mystery with the clues we have. As a warning, this doesn’t actually help much with the culprit, but I will give my thoughts on that at the end.

I think a decent job! It’s not perfect, and I’m fully expecting to get a lot if not most of this wrong. I will be happy regardless of whether I’m right or wrong, so what matters is that I had fun thinking about it! Right? :D

This took me hours.

Spoilers up until Chapter 2 ep 11, and… further? Maybe? It’s just a prediction, but with evidence, so, you decide if you wanna read it.

Where we left off

The cliffhanger currently consuming me, as you may recall, happened just after David started his Tumblr sexyman arc, with Charles cutting in with just a fantastic line (“You’re out of your element!”). He says that, while trying to prove David’s innocence, he realized something bigger, before proclaiming he and Teruko fucked up.

As many have pointed out, Charles cuts in when David mentions the time of death, meaning he’s likely realized something about that.

What Charles has probably noticed is that the note Arei received never mentioned if she was supposed to go to the playground at 7:30 PM, as the characters had assumed because of the fish and the nighttime rule for the Relaxation Room, or AM. The fish could have easily been kept in the water jugs found outside in a trash can, so it’s pretty feasible that the murder actually happened at 7:30 AM. Unfortunately, Nico, the only one keeping track of the fish, likely fed them before David went there, and thus before 7:30 PM, so we can’t tell for sure when they were taken.

(This is because Nico mentions they fed the fish after dinner, and they likely ate before David. Whit mentions having a ‘late dinner’ when he and the gang meet with Suspenders Man in the kitchen and send him to the fish, David even mentioning he wasn’t expecting anyone else to be there. Assuming Nico ate dinner with most of the class, they would have eaten before David went to the Relaxation Room, which we know was around 7:30 PM)

However, if Charles is only bringing the possibility up now, it’s likely the right answer. Also, as you’re gonna see, the murder method I believe was used requires quite a bit of setup that would have been easier to do at nighttime, without potential witnesses showing up out of nowhere.

Now, this is where I’ve seen most people stop. Content with knowing what the cliffhanger itself is about, they don’t think further into the murder method. But I will, because my life is extremely empty.

Let’s get to the evidence!

“Truth Bullets” (let’s pretend)

-First, the layout of the scene.

(Ultimate Artist coming through-)

The exact position of things doesn’t matter, but it helps to visualize. The seesaw, to the dismay of Korekiyo stans, is unimportant and can be disregarded. Here are the takeaways:

•The ground near the entrance is scuffed. This heavily implies something went down in the playground, and we probably aren’t dealing with a crime scene switch.

•The fish, you should be acquainted with.

•The spinny thing will be important.

•Not pictured is a sand pit without sand. This isn’t important, but I do find it funny.

•Then, the swing set. I’d like to point out that the rope attached on one end to Arei has nothing on the other end, and rather remains there via a knot at the top of the swing set. This is important because of:

-Broken Neck: Arei’s neck is broken, alongside:

-Veronika’s Account: Although a hanging can cause someone’s neck to break, it wouldn’t happen to Arei if she were to be hung from that height. She would either need to weigh more, or fall from higher. Because the rope Arei’s corpse hangs from is tied with a knot, it can’t extend further than what we see, meaning she was likely hung from somewhere else (if that’s even her cause of death).

-Bound Wrists: Arei’s wrists were bound with duct tape at some point.

-Duct Tape on Spinny Thing: There is duct tape covering every handlebar the spinny thing has.

-Longer Rope: There was a longer piece of rope bundled up below the spinny thing. Teruko claims it’s a couple yards long. I don’t use that unit of measurement, but it sounds like it’s large.

-Flickering Lights: According to MonoTV, one of the lights in the playground was flickering. The way he acts when inquired implies this had something to do with the murder.

Going away from the playground now, we have the trash can.

-The note: You know this one.

-Eating utensils, food, painting tools. Unimportant.

-Water Jugs: Likely where the fish were kept overnight. Notably, the handles are snapped in the middle.

-Needle and thread?: I’ve seen some people mention there’s a needle with a bit of black thread that none of the characters address when dealing with the trash. Personally, I think this isn’t going to be important, but I do have a place for it if it ends up coming up. That is:

-Ball of clothes: Charles takes this from the dress-up room. It’s apparently held together with starch (not an adhesive, just sticky, but sure), though I wouldn’t be surprised if it was actually created with the needle and thread. Again, I don’t think it’s important, but you can choose to believe it was used here if you want. It’ll make sense later.

-The gym. I’ll be honest, this is the one thing I don’t know how to fit in. During the investigation, Teruko makes memory to how the gym looked before and after the Nico incident. I’m not great at Spot the Difference, but for the life of me the only thing I could see change was the missing fan and the missing ‘grippy thing’ on the pull-up bar. I don’t know how that would fit with the mystery, so I’ll be glad if anyone can figure something out.

-The motives: Not important for the method, obviously important for other reasons.

So, with the evidence laid out, what can we figure out?

Theory Time

When I said I spent hours thinking about this, I mostly meant running through several theories at once, trying to see which one made the most sense. I went to some weird places: from a crime of passion disguised as a suicide, to drowning her in the Relaxation Room, to somehow getting from the Movie Screening Room to the Playground (MonoTV had mentioned punching through the wall would get you there), to Arei herself being the one originally trying to murder…

But in the end, it was simpler. There are three important facts which help narrow down the options.

-Arei’s neck was broken. This eliminates simpler killing methods such as strangulation. Something happened which broke her neck, yet:

-Her wrists were bound. A broken neck is instant death, but Arei’s bound wrists imply the killer feared she would struggle. This eliminates a crime of passion. This thing was premeditated.

-The murder happened in the playground. The scuffed floor, broken light, duct tape on spinny thing and the other rope all make it clear. There’s no crime scene switching here. This eliminates stuff like the drowning in the Relaxation Room I mentioned.

All of this makes me believe that Arei was hung from somewhere in the playground, likely after the killer bound her wrists to stop her from struggling. The scuffed ground serves as evidence of an initial struggle. It doesn’t quite look like that, but frankly I just don’t know what could have caused the exact shape in the ground, so a struggle it is.

However, how? If Arei’s neck broke from her hanging, as per Veronika’s Account, she would need to be hung from somewhere else first, in a way that she either weighed more or fell from higher. Now, at first, you might assume that she had to be simply hung from higher, since it’s impossible to make Arei weigh more than she does. But what if I told you, there is a way to achieve that?

Enter: the water jugs.

I don’t know about you, but the way those handles are broken looks to me like they were snapped too cleanly for human hands. It almost looks… like someone tied a knot around them, then exerted a bunch of force on the rope.

(WARNING: Geometric depiction of a hanging a bit below)

We know for a fact there are at least two pieces of rope: one longer, one shorter. It would be possible to tie the two ends of the shorter one around the handles of the water jugs, then tie the middle around Arei. Water’s pretty heavy, so the extra pull of the water jugs would exert an additional force to her body once she stopped falling, one which could serve as one of the reasons her neck broke.

…Now’s probably a good time to mention, I have no idea why the killer did half the shit they did. I cannot explain to you why they would do this with water jugs. I’m just telling you how my brain’s interpreting this evidence.

However, this doesn’t exactly solve the height problem. You still can’t hang Arei from the swing set directly, as the jugs would hit the ground. It’s still necessary to hang her from higher up, although thankfully it’s easy to see where that would happen.

Yeah, the railings of the playground. The problem, naturally, is how to get there. Or rather, how to get the rope there.

Well, here’s a question. How would you do something like that if it was lower down, but still unreachable? One answer is to try to throw the rope over the railing, so that one end stays near you, and the other, on the other side of the railing. Of course, that’s impossible with a rope of this length and a railing of this height, but the concept can still be used in conjunction with something else. Thinking about the other pieces of evidence we have, there is one that stands out as particularly strange, doesn’t it?

Exactly. The ball of clothes. Because throwing a ball, especially one as light as this one would be, is much easier than throwing a rope, you can set up the hanging spot by tying one end of the rope to the ball, and throwing that over the railing.

You might think it’s still too far up, but think of it like this. How far can you throw a basketball straight up? Probably enough to clear two floors, at least given enough attempts. The ball of clothes would have more drag, yes, but it would be lighter. Keep in mind the killer had all night to get this right, and they could have even climbed on the swing set if they needed a bit more height. It’d be awkward, but possible.

There is one more piece of evidence that makes me think this is the case. That is, the flickering lights.

The lights weren’t broken, but they did get fucked up. This is by far the clue which gave me the most trouble when thinking about this, since it just seemed so impossible to achieve. However, this ‘ball of clothes’ theory gives us a solid answer. On the way up, the ball of clothes may have hit the lights:

This wouldn’t break the light, but it could displace it, causing it to flicker… or something like that. I’m sorta banking on J giving a proper explanation with her pre-established expertise, since I’m no electrical engineer. However, I see no other way this could have happened, so it’s the answer I’m giving for now.

So now we have the long rope on both ends, all that’s left is actually pulling Arei up. Except, that’s still quite complicated, isn’t it? Already pulling her up would take quite a bit of strength, but the main problem is the ‘going down’ part.

For Arei’s neck to break, she needs to enter free fall, then abruptly stop halfway. That would mean you need to stop the rope from moving on the way down, but how? Just using your hands is impossible, because you’d get burnt.

Enter: spinny thing.

The duct tape tipped me off that this thing was important, and once the use of rope is factored in, my first instinct was to use it for a sort of pulley system.

Weave the rope through a few of the handlebars, then tie a knot around one of them. That way, if you make the thing spin, it will drag the rope with it, sort of like a roll of film in reverse.

Then, once Arei reaches an appropriate height, you spin the thing the other way, letting her fall at full speed for a bit. When you want to stop her, you would just need to stop the carousel from spinning, which may take a bit of strength, but it’s perfectly doable.

Now, this explains how the murder could have been done, but where does the duct tape come into play?

…

Yeah, good question. My best answer is that the rope somehow burnt a friction mark into the spinny thing, which the killer feared would give away their trick. After all, even if the duct tape is more noticeable, it’s harder to make a connection between that and the murder than a friction burn, which while harder to notice, would point more directly to the pulley idea.

Yeah, it’s not a great answer, and it’s frankly the part which still puzzles me the most, but it’s an answer, so I’m going with it for now. Open to change, though.

Notably, this is also the part of the crime where I feel the gym may come into play. Again, I have no idea what the relevance is, but if it has something to do with this crime and not just the Ace - Nico incident, perhaps the grippy strap of the pull up bar was somehow used to better grip the spinny thing’s handlebars for the pulley trick? Again, this is one piece of evidence where I could use the help.

And so, we’re done! Practically all of the important evidence was used, and I can’t find any contradictions in the reasoning!

Closing Argument

The killer first put water from the Relaxation Room, fish and all, in some water jugs before nighttime.

At nighttime, they stuck together Teruko’s and Hu’s old clothes with either starch or the black string. Going to the playground, they tied a long rope they got from storage around the ball of clothes. They repeatedly threw it up, until they managed to get the rope over one of the railings in the playground. However, on the way up, the ball of clothes hit a light and displaced it, causing it to flicker. MonoTV would later remove this light.

After that, they tied one of the ends of the rope to one of the carousel’s handlebars, possibly looping it around some of the other handlebars to make sure it would work as a pulley. The killer left the water jugs in the room, first tying a shorter piece of rope around their handles, and took the ball of clothes back to the dressing room.

After that, the killer wrote a note. They had overheard the Eden-Arturo-Arei situation, and used that to lure Arei out to the playground at 7:30 AM. She potentially arrived just before the killer, based on the scuffed ground being a bit far from the door, but the killer got there just a moment after, before Arei could understand the situation.

The killer overpowered Arei, scuffing the ground near the seesaw in the process. They eventually bound her wrists together, and wrapped the middle of the rope attached to the water jugs to Arei’s lower body. Possibly around her waist, as to prevent rope burn injuries from giving the trick away.

After that, they tied the unused end of the longer rope around Arei’s neck, and moved to the spinny thing. Using the grippy strap they got from the gym (maybe), they grabbed one of the handlebars and spun the spinny thing so that the rope was pulled in and around its handlebars. This also had the effect of pulling Arei up towards the ceiling.

Once Arei was high enough, the killer quickly spun the carousel the opposite way, then abruptly stopped it just a few moments later. This caused Arei to free fall shortly, before suddenly stopping. The force of that stopping broke both Arei’s neck and the handles of the water jugs. Arei died here, if she hadn’t already asphyxiated beforehand.

All that was left for the killer to do was cleanup. Retrieve the longer rope and hide it under the spinny thing; set up Arei’s body to look vaguely like a suicide; empty the water jugs on the ground; throw them away, alongside the duct tape and the note. The killer’s trick had also left marks on the carousel, which they decided to cover up with duct tape. Finally, the killer reconvened with everyone at around 8 AM for the motive announcement.

And with that, all questions are answered. Well, except for:

What the fuck

Like, why would the killer do this? It’s so unnecessary cruel, when they could have just hung her. I was honestly worried, as I thought about the method, that the killer would end up being Veronika, just because it’s so fucked I genuinely can’t see anyone else doing this. But Veronika doesn’t have a motive to do this: she’s talked about wanting to enjoy the trials for as long as possible, and it’s been set up if she murders, it would be of boredom. Doing that before a motive announcement which would make things interesting doesn’t fit her at all. Or maybe I’m coping.

The answer to the question of why the killer chose this method is only part of a larger question, though. So, knowing the method, how does that change the final question?

Who did it?

EDIT: DISCLAIMER: The following part of this blog is outdated. Go here to read a revised version of the method, with a different culprit. It's a reblog of thebadjoe's reblog of this post, as they pointed out a lot of flaws in my original theory (adult content warning for Arei's corpse). I'm leaving the rest of my original post up, but just know I now believe the killer to be Eden, with an accomplice.

Let me start by saying that I can’t definitively say anything about anyone, even knowing the murder method. However, this *does* paint some of the theories in a different light.

Smaller theories

I’ve seen a few people suggest everyone from Charles to J or even Arturo. A lot of these theories are decent, but some rely too much on certain assumptions which may or may not be disproven if this method is accurate.

Charles is ruled out. The murder required moving the corpse around postmortem, and while there wasn’t any blood around, Charles’ necrophobia would make it impossible for him.

A theory I saw was that J may have used her remote to open secret trapdoors and move around rooms, taking advantage of the placement of the playground in relation to the Movie Screening Room. However, while that theory is interesting, the murder is perfectly possible without these trapdoors, so the main argument kinda goes out the window. Although I guess it’s possible her remote could be used to make the carousel go spin, but that’s kinda ridiculous if you ask me.

Arturo was ruled out from the beginning because the handwriting in the note is too pretty to be a doctor’s. That’s a joke, and Arturo would actually be quite capable of the crime. In fact, he’s sort of become my second most likely culprit, even if he was accused early in the trial.

Hu / David manipulation, in shambles

A popular theory states that the killer was manipulated by David to do the deed. The most common victim of this manipulation theory seems to be Hu Jing. However, in my opinion, the sheer brutality of the method pretty much rules this out. David may be a good enough manipulator to get somehow to kill Arei, but I really doubt he’d be able to convince them to do… all this.

Especially since he has no reason to order the specific method, which would imply it was born from the killer’s own mind. So, even if David actually told them to kill Arei, they decided to use this insanely elaborate method all on their own. And, listen, I don’t care how you feel about Hu, she wouldn’t do this.

Is it still possible? Sure, I guess. Does it look a lot weaker under this method? Absolutely.

The surprisingly strong Whit/Eden allegations

I didn’t make this theory considering these two the killer, I really didn’t. I still don’t think they are. And yet, they are the only ones who could benefit from this method. How? The BDA.

You see that loophole, right? I noticed the moment I saw the rule. The way it’s written seems to imply the BDA only plays when three ‘spotless’ see the body, ruling them out as the murderer. Except, that’s not how it’s worded. It doesn’t say ‘three non-murderers’, it says ‘three people who didn’t witness the murder’.

So, pray tell, what happens if the culprit has their back to the victim when they die? Simple; they didn’t witness the murder, so their eyes count for the BDA.

How does this help? Well, imagine if Teruko had been the one to kill Arei. By making a contraption where she can be sure Arei dies instantly upon something happening (in this case, abruptly stopping the spin of the carousel), she can make sure her back is turned the moment Arei dies. Of course, the moment she turns around, the count for the BDA goes up to one, but it doesn’t trigger, since you need three.

Then, when Teruko ‘discovers’ the body alongside Eden and Whit, the BDA plays; one person (Teruko) had already ‘discovered the body’, so Eden and Whit seeing it would increase the BDA count by two. That makes three, BDA plays.

And yet, during the trial, if the murder method hasn’t been found out, Teruko could claim she isn’t the murderer because of the trickily worded BDA rule.

Now, we obviously know Teruko didn’t do it, but Eden and especially Whit are common theories. This could be used as evidence, except…

There’s a pretty obvious problem there. It’s not them, but Teruko who asks to team up in a group of three for the BDA, and it’s also her who suggests going to the second floor. Then, the playground is the last place they check, and Whit even questions Teruko when she suggests going there (the infamous ‘hanging out there’ line).

I wouldn’t rule out Teruko’s bad luck making her pick the absolute worst possible partner possible, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that neither Eden nor Whit were proactive in the search method, which goes against this potential ‘BDA alibi’ plan.

As for the rest of the theories, I don’t quite believe them. Yes, Whit definitely has more issues than he lets on, but he has no motive to do this (remember; he asked an entire group of people to reveal his secret if they had it, so the only reason his secret lasted until the trial was Rose throwing it away). Eden even less so.

And in the end, it really is the motives which points us to what I believe to be the killer.

Yeah, it’s Levi

As does what I believe is most of the fandom by this point, I think Levi is probably the killer.

Many have already theorized about the remaining motives, so I’ll spare you the ordeal and tell you: Just with the information all the characters have access to, it’s possible to narrow down Levi’s secret to ‘murdered someone’, ‘poisoned competition’ and ‘dead family’ (I know the last one’s Xander’s, but the characters don’t really have access to the Bonus Episode).

However, Eden can eliminate the ‘dead family’ one, as Levi has talked about his family with her, and they’re not dead (He also mentioned having brothers in the present tense during the trial, but just in case).

Min’s Bonus Episode makes it likely her secret is the ‘poison competition’ one, though how the characters are gonna figure that one out is beyond me. The point is, Levi’s secret is the ‘murdered someone’ one, the one Arei had. And, listen, in-game logic aside, you don’t just give that secret to the victim of the case and then have it mean nothing for the murder.

Other suspicious behavior has been noted, such as him wanting to start voting time quickly when David did his thing, him quickly checking the motives when they became public (keep in mind, as some characters mentioned, it’s possible the killer thought just killing someone before the motive reveal would be enough to prevent it), etc. Also possible foreshadowing such as Ace claiming Levi could ‘snap [his] neck with his bare hands’ and Levi promising to protect Eden in the trial, which is exactly what Arei did before dying.

However, something I feel people overlook is that not only did Arei get Levi’s secret, but it was also Levi who got Arei’s secret. A secret which, keep in mind, wasn’t public knowledge until the trial, when Levi finally revealed it. Sure, David and Teruko knew, maybe Eden at best, but other than that, only Levi knew of that secret.

And this is where the murder method may come in. I’m still unsure. Because the only reason I can find for this amount of elaborate planning and brutality, beyond the BDA thing which I mentioned likely isn’t important, is the killer having a deep grudge against Arei.

Levi is a guy who cares about his family. Sure, he was disowned, but he claims it was good, because he and his family were ‘bad influences on each other’. He seems like he genuinely wants the best for his brothers, it just so happened that the best thing was going their separate ways.

So, how do you think he feels when he learns that Arei, someone who had already insulted and belittled him, calling him a pushover and stuff, did horrible things to her sisters? If he doesn’t have the full picture, it’s not impossible to see how that may make him angry at her, especially with his already established anger issues.

Not to mention, keep in mind the setup for the crime was done one night after the Nico - Ace incident, one which ends with Levi grumbling ‘why do I even bother?’ as he locks himself in his room. This could imply a complete loss of faith in the group in general, which could lead to him deciding to kill.

Of course, that theory has more holes in it than Swiss cheese. Levi’s outbursts of anger don’t really last long enough for it to explain such a long and elaborate murder scheme. Not to mention, if he really did react negatively to the motive, he’d have done it the moment he received it, not several days later. He has murdered without remorse before, if his secret is to be believed, but until we get the specifics, we can’t know for sure how okay he’d be doing something like this.

However, the important question Levi as the culprit answers isn’t the ‘why?’, but the ‘how?’.

I’ve sorta glossed over it until now, but it would take quite a bit of strength to stop the spinny thing in the trick. I don’t think Levi’s the only one capable of it, but he’s certainly the most capable, if that makes sense. Not to mention, actually overpowering Arei in the first place wouldn’t exactly be easy. Plus, the ball of clothes being involved implicates him in a meta-sense, as it could technically count as his talent being involved in the murder.

The problem, of course, is that I have no definitive evidence. His custom weapon, brass knuckles, wasn’t involved at all, and there’s no way to place him at any of the important scenes. No one has an alibi for nighttime, no one has an alibi for 7:30 AM, and pretty much no one has an alibi for the Eden - Arturo - Arei incident (afternoon of the day of Nico’s attempted murder, when for now we only know Hu, David, Nico and Teruko where talking in the Relaxation Room. Though of course, the exact time is impossible to know).

I suspect he’s going to be suspected for the motive and the strength thing, and either someone will come up with something incriminating, or he’ll make a slip-up a la Mondo. I have no idea.

So… what did we learn?

Kinda nothing. As you can see, the murder method doesn’t really point to a killer in any definitive way, so we’re just back where we started, basically. But hey! It was fun! I guess.

Now, back to crying over the hiatus. See you!

[cripplecharacters]

Hello there! I love this blog, thank you for making it! I’ve had this fantasy novel in the back of my head for ages, and am actually considering sitting down and writing it out since I’m taking a break from studying. I’ve always imagined the main character as having a facial difference, specifically a split lip (and very visible given the medical technology of the world), though I’ve considered some sort of facial paralysis instead. I read your post on characters with facial difference, and none of those shitty tropes seem to apply, thank god. But as I am not physically disabled I really wanted to avoid anything harmful in my writing that could sneak in from subconscious bias I probably have.

There Is one element in my story that I realize might be getting into some dodgy territory, and that’s regarding her relationship with her disfigurement. Like I said, I am not physically disabled, but I do have some experience being “non-normative” visibly (I’m trans), and invisibly (mental illness). I’ve been kind of using this story as a way to explore the experience of being “non normative”, both visibly and invisibly through a fantasy world, and though I think all minorities often have comparable experiences and should stand together, I should of course be very careful not to completely override the real experience of disabled people with my own angst. The fact is that in the story and world I’ve built, ableism *is* very present, and part of her arc was becoming confident in herself in spite of the society around her, helped by the many other disabled characters she knows. She’s got lots of personality and the main plot isn’t really about her facial difference, but she starts out very self conscious of it, and sometimes even projects this onto those around her.

I’d love to hear your thoughts - is this a plot that I can write with sensitivity, or should I rethink this?

Hi!

First of all, nice to see a character with a congenital facial difference! :-)

I think when it comes to her relationship with her cleft lip/paralysis, this post could be useful for you. While "societal ableism" can be a reason for being insecure about one's disability, if you want to write about it more in-depth, you need to expand on that as well. What exactly is there that made her feel that way? What happened that started her self-acceptance journey? etc.

In the greater context of the story, I would look at not making her the most miserable one. If the story surrounds the topic of looking "non-normative" then just make sure you show a wide spectrum of what that can be outside of just facial differences. Though there is nothing inherently wrong with writing a story about the experiences of someone with a facial difference, that's clearly not what you're going for - and speaking about this:

I would also look out for her being the main character - if her experience is the main one of the story, and the story is about looking different, I'm not sure how feasible it is to not make it into a story about having a facial difference. It's not that it can't be done, but I'm quite curious on how you plan for it to play out, assuming that the goal is neither to ignore her disability nor to make it a big piece of it. Perhaps making her into a side character and having the main character someone with experience closer to your own would be simply easier. This would also help with not "overriding the real experience of disabled people with [your] own angst". Especially considering the part where she seems to be projecting her internalized ableism on others - that's a very sensitive topic even among disabled people, and it does feel rather strange to read about here. If you had to rethink one thing, it would probably be this one. I'd keep that kind of characterization for something you have personal experience with. It'd be very easily to make a mistake here and either send a message you aren't trying to, or just make her plain unlikable (and if that's the goal, then why the one character with FD, etc?).

I do enjoy that she gains confidence by being around other disabled people. If possible, make sure that there is someone with a visible disability and/or a facial difference, simply because that would make the most sense. Someone that she can actually relate to; see them being proud, happy, etc.

I hope this helps! Good luck with your story

mod Sasza

[sirfrogsworth]

What's the difference between your two tumblrs? I thought I was going crazy until I realized I was following both. I was very confused just now lol

@thefrogman is my main tumblr. I usually try to keep the content to cute and funny things. Though I will also post occasional life updates or activism that is important to me. I used to post a lot of original content there, but I'm afraid my health declined and I no longer have the energy to produce original material as I once did. I used to do all my own photography and photoshopping and would spend many hours on each post. That just isn't feasible anymore. So I try to post things that will make people happy whenever I come across them. I wish I posted more there, but I've been struggling with my health and the death of my family, so I have been a bit neglectful as of late. I am hopeful if my health ever does improve that I can post original content once again, but that is up to my body and brain.

@sirfrogsworth is my less popular and more personal blog. I post anything I want there without fear of pleasing others. Not that I don't want to please others with my content, it just isn't the main priority on this blog. I will sometimes write humorous political essays. Or I will vent about things going on in my life. Or I will post what I call "test balloon" content. Which is content I'm not sure people on my main blog will like, so I see the reaction on my smaller blog, and if it does well, I will promote it to my main blog. This helps me avoid posting duds on my main blog, as that is the place where I want to make sure folks are happy. My sirfrogsworth blog has a wonderfully supportive community surrounding it. I will often have conversations with people in the replies and interact a bit more with people there. This blog is currently where I am most active.

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

I KNEW I WASN'T CRAZY

THERE ARE DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THE MOVIE FLOATING AROUND.

I NOTICE THIS AND I WASN'T SURE WHAT TO THINK.

Okay okay, I guess is time to give admit a couple of things; one of them is that as for now, I had watched this movie in theatres 5 times; and no it would not be all of them. I have no idea how much of the movie I had seen outside theatres because doing this analysis can make me watch a scene from three to ten times.

Another caveat to all of this is that I have ADHD, which means I can either miss something that was plainly on the screen because it wasn't too interesting to me, or, I would be picking on crap that no on else even thought about until I point it out but to me feels obvious.

Honestly one of the praises I have for this movie is being able to keep my attention for over two hours without me getting bored or restless; not to say every person with ADHD can't sit still watching movies, but for me personally is a challenge. I concentrate more on books.

I am getting sidetrack again, the thing is that I NOTICE THESE STUFF.

I watched the movie the day it came out, which meant I also watched the movie when the audio was a bit off. So I was expecting in sub sequence viewings to be different.

This may be just me, but in my first viewing I could had swore the presentation on the logos was different; they were fewer and there were more versions of Lord Miller's logos for what I recall.

There is also a difference when Lyla appears at first.

I noticed The Spot's dialogue, the Hobie Bubble, and Ben's different dialogue, but at first I just thought "Huh? That looks/sounds different, oh I may just be mixing up stuff."

Remember what I mentioned about my memory? It's quite funny, I can remember exact quotes from books I obsessed over a decade ago; but if you put me a picture of a client from my workplace, and ask me if this person came yesterday or on Monday, I may legit not know.

Rule of thumb if that is I am hyperfixating on it chances I will remember things correctly, but I also didn't think there would legit be different versions of a movie, so it seemed more feasible that I just didn't remember it right.

I also have some audio processing issues and the movie is hard to hear on certain parts unless you have headphones; so I thought perhaps I just heard wrong and my mind filled the blanks.

Gwen's dialogue? Oh that was the part where I thought for a hot minute I lost it.

Last time I went to the theatres I realized Gwen's dialogue while looking for Miles was missing, which of course I caught on because I am obsessed with them; and I notice right away that was missing.

When I went to check on with my friends, they were surprised to hear me say that because they also remembered it.

I will let out on a little secret; the post of "Please No!"? The second reason I put that video on that post, was in case I was right about things changing.

I am not sure how this movie will be distributed, and if the different versions may had to do with the audio mixing issues; meaning the first version could get lost eventually once this movie is properly on screening.

So, I got the video, uploaded on the post and linked to the original; because in case I am right and Gwen's dialogue gets cuts on that moment, I have proof that no, it was like that at one point, or in one version.

Sorry for the incredibly long ramble, I will come with an analysis soon. But I needed to share this here because 1) I am not crazy, and 2) If I discover parts of my analysis don't match the final version, well, I have proof that I wasn't making stuff up.

Thanks for reading!

[ihateapbiology]

It’s A Date

Part 2 to Well Well Well

You rubbed your eyes and stretched and turned to your right… no Julien. You can still see the indentation of her body on the futon. “Fuck, well if she went back up to her room this is gonna be hella awkward.” You start to collect the few things you have and fumble for your phone to call an Uber. You check the outlet forgetting if in your tired haze last night you plugged it in but instead you find Julien’s block of an iPhone 5. You laugh to yourself and then think “wait wouldn’t she have brought her phone up?” If on cue you hear from behind you “morning sunshine.” You turn to see her holding two plates of food and two cups- well trying to hold it. You walk over to help her carry it all. Food a la Julien has always been your favorite.

“Thank you so much Julien wow you didn’t have to do that” you grin.

“no no i love cooking it was my pleasure” she responds.

“You fell asleep so fast last night” you tease digging into the food.

“It’s easy to sleep when you feel safe and comfortable” she says with a smile but the shocked look on her face after she realized what she said makes you take mercy on her and not press it.

“I’m loving this new house Jules you’re an official grownup it feels like.”

She beams “thanks I bought it last year I mean the realtor showed it to me and it was immediate. The windows are just like the ones we talked about.”

You nod and remember back in your guys’s small little Nashville apartment spending nights surfing Zillow joking about buying one of the fancy houses.

Julien continues “so with your fancy new job you gonna buy an apartment in DC and Nashville or…?”

“Yeah I’ve thought a lot about it and it just makes the most sense I mean I could get a dingier place in DC cause I’ll be there less and then hopefully a nicer one in Nashville.”

“That job sounds like it’s gonna be gettin you some good money huh?”

You blush and nod “mhm”.

She grins “so we’re both basically official grownups then huh?”

You swallow and nod and think to yourself grownups should be able to talk about their feelings. “Julien?”

She gives a half smile “I can tell where this next sentence is going.”

You smile “do you think breaking up was necessary?”

She sighs “Do I think it was absolutely 100% the only feasible option? No. Do I think it was okay in the long run and it had some benefits? Sure. I think it allowed both of us to make significant bounds in our respective careers without the stress of a long distance relationship. I think it also allowed us to look back at eachother fondly and not have to watch our beautiful relationship slowly dissipate and have resentment grow.”

You nod “I agree with everything you said I just..there were so many times in the past 3 years when I would know that whatever moment I was celebrating would’ve been 100x better with you.”

She gives a sad smile “me too y/n me too but I mean what’s that phrase distance makes the heart grow fond? From what I can tell you’re still an amazing woman and you’ve really matured. I mean hell you’re talking about your feelings.”

You laugh and rebuttal “let’s focus on how YOU are talking about YOUR feelings…I miss you Jules.”

“I miss you too y/n very much.”

You two sit in silence before Julien speaks up.

“I don’t know how to phrase this cause I’ve never done it before but could I get to know you again? Could I take you out some time?”

I grin covers your entire face “yes I’d like that a lot.”

She grabs her phone “what’s your number? Is it still the same or?”

“It’s changed here…Jules can that phone take another contact without imploding” you tease, you secretly loved her phone.

“Hey hey hey don’t make fun of my girl” she grins and types in the number you give her.

You guys finish your breakfast and you put on your clothes from last night to go to leave.

She laughs “I am not sadistic I’m not gonna force you to Uber or walk while lookin like you are doing the walk of shame.”

You blush “oh thank you yeah I didn’t need that embarrassment at 10 am.”

She brings you a hoodie and some shorts.

“Thank you!”

“No problem but now it forces you to see me again” she smiles.

“trust me I wouldn’t need a reason” you grin as you open the door “you better text me Baker.”

She smiles “well how about you text me where you’re staying now and we go to dinner tonight if you’re free.”

You nod “it’s a date.”

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Am I the only one that feels that current ace is kind of lacking? Yes I get that twst is supposed to focus on dorm leaders and stuff but it feels like he keeps getting pushed to the side despite being one of the first main characters we actually meet. I wish there was something interesting going for him, like I'm well aware that the traitor theory has been proven wrong multiple times yet I still cling onto it because its one of the few ways he can be significant anymore. In general I just want more ace content plus his unique magic that hopefully comes out in book six, don't take this too literally as my wording my come off as wrong but hopefully you understand what I mean.

I definitely feel like Ace hasn’t been getting a lot of screen time in the main story since the prologue and episode 1, but I think it mostly makes sense. Each proceeding episode has to make way for new characters to play a part, so Ace kind of falls to the wayside with Deuce.

The two basically share the same amount of screen time following episode 1 (right down to their general lack of presence in both 4 and 6), with the big exception being 5; of the duo, Deuce takes center stage in the Pomefiore section due to his developing friendship with Epel, as well as his developing sense of self identity and unique magic. It kind of balances out Deuce taking a backseat to Ace in episode 1…? (Sort of???) Cuz I definitely felt like Ace was more involved than Deuce when it came to inciting rebellion against Riddle. I think maybe the perception of Ace not feeling important as of late is because the last time he was largely relevant was allllll the way back in the beginning of the main story.

That being said, I wonder if Ruler of the Abyss (episode 7) will have Ace getting his unique magic 🤔 since it’s already dealing with a bunch of hard-hitting story beats like Malleus’s impending dread of being abandoned by the people he cares for, Lilia’s departure, Yuu returning home, Grim’s realization that he will soon be alone (plus his potential OB). It’d be difficult for the devs to also squeeze in an arc about Ace feeling inferior to Deuce and coming to grips with what makes himself special… but hey, I still have my fingers crossed! 🤞 It’d be a real treat if we got to see all of Diasomnia’s UM reveals as well as Ace’s as the cherry on top! I think it could be done if 7 was like… super long or just really REALLY well written. Admittedly though, I would find this pacing a little weird, as we’d go from Deuce unlocking his UM in 5 to no progression of Ace’s reaction in 6 to suddenly addressing it in 7; you’d think it would flow more coherently if Deuce and Ace got their UMs in consecutive episodes (instead it was Deuce, then Epel), but I guess adding two extra bodies to the already bulky cast of 6 would’ve been too much 💦.

On the topic of Ace traitor theory 😅 I’m honestly shocked that it’s still around?? It’s not something I’ve ever really gotten behind, as I feel like a lot of the points brought up for it are very vague (like… “His last name is Trappola instead of Heart! He could be setting a trap!” and, “He has an older brother that used to be in Heartslabyul! Maybe Ace wants to get revenge for his brother.”). A fun idea for sure, but I don’t think I’ve seen a really solid explanation for why Ace would feasibly betray his friends in canon.

In spite of how bratty and callous he can be, I do believe Ace genuinely cares for his friends when it comes down to it and wouldn’t go out of his way to intentionally harm them. This is the same dude who took a long and extremely tedious route from the Queendom of Roses all the way back to Sage’s Isle just to make sure Yuu and Grim were okay over winter break, the same guy who was so relieved when Yuu and Grim safely returned to NRC campus.

I think there’s still ways for Ace to be a significant force in the main story (without him necessarily turning traitor), but it largely depends on how episode 7 continues to play from hereon out and what elements it chooses to focus on. It can be difficult to balance all of it, so I wouldn’t blame the devs if they decided to hold off on adding Ace into the episode 7 pot of plot points. If not in episode 7, there’s always the possibility for new main story content released afterwards to talk about Ace’s character (as well as new event stories and card vignettes where he will probably feature).

[trans-axolotl]

(Apologies this is long and rambley)

So ive been thinking on a peer-made trait-based 'diagnostic model' (not for disorders but neurodiverse traits), rather than the way the DSM and ICD do it and what that would look like and if it would be a good idea to propose as an alternative that focuses the patients unique experiences over theorized model boxes with misleading names.

Ive been growing increasingly discontent with how the ICD and DSM both categorize disorders, and the completed alternate models ive seen that already exist are not much better honestly, and worse for my specific brainfuckery. The alternate models that only focus on one section are just that- focused on one specific experience. Monotropisim as an alternate autism model can never be fully realized in the bubble it exists as a theory in. Plurality has like 50 different theory models and half of them aggressively ignore common reported experiences because they don't work with their unverified personal gnosis theory of everything, and the other half are likewise mostly incomplete. Trauma/cause-based models ignore genetic/from birth issues as a known cause of mental illness/developmental disorder and also consider everything trauma to the point of diluting the term.

I figured the best option would be to group traits by perceived experiences or related phenomena, with overlap, and the best way to do that accurately would be to make the 'diagnostic codes' combinable infinitely. (ex- a category that is 'unusual sensory experiences' with synthesia, hypo and hyper sensitivity to stimuli, needing to regulate with the sensory system (stimming) to high degrees, hallucinations of any kind, voice hearing(would also go under the plural category when consistent and personlike in presentation), visual snow, etc and each trait is a unique string of characters you can stack under the category string to create a larger string that describes your experiences quickly and concisely).

(The groupings are still all up in the air and id want to get a lot of perspective before cementing it, but I do want to put synthesia and hallucinations and visual snow all together because they are adding a Weird experience and its sensory based stuff others cannot perceive)

And then I realized that this is just the Geek Code but for neurodiversity,,

Im STILL not sure if that makes it a bad idea or not honestly.

On one hand the way the DSM and ICD are set up is NOT actually that great, and being able to shorthand a list that describes things better and doesnt pathologize people as having 'asshole liar personality disorder' or whatever would be fantastic, on the other it is also clunky, people are gonna be pissed about how I am categorizing things contrary to how the DSM and ICD group things (autism and schizophrenia and plurality are all holding hands and kissing with tongue), and it may more strongly encourage people to share very private information online via sharing their string code of every last neuroweirdness they have (which I do NOT want people doing for safety reasons).

So I just went 'hm, whos a cool antipsych person who may have more insight than I do about trying to make a peer-made description system for those who dont want to use the DSM or ICD to describe their experiences', and I thought of you, so thoughts? Is it feasible? Is it a good idea to try? I have like 500 million projects and I REALLY shouldnt add a new one of this magnitude, but I feel like its an important idea to at least float around first.

Hey anon! My answer got pretty long, so I'm going to put it under the read more.

I actually know a few people doing something like this--the founding director of Neuromancers started a project like this (not much has been happening with it lately, bc everyone is so busy with other organizing commitments and life, but if we ever get back to it i'm really excited about it. you could join the discord for Neuromancers and ask about the project if you want to join). I'm a known DSM hater and think that both the DSM and ICD and most biomedical models of mental illness as well as the "evidence based" processes of diagnosis are so fundamentally flawed, oppressive, and are in no way culturally relevant to the vast majority of people. a lot of us are still going to use that terminology as a shorthand because it's the most accessible and understandable in our current society, but that doesn't necessarily mean we all like it or agree with the way it's formulated in the DSM.

Honestly, I'm always a big fan of mad/mentally ill/neurodivergent people creating more ways of understanding ourselves and creating more resources for us to use. I think that there's never going to be one right model that works for every experience or than can encompass everyone. And I think that there's so much value in really deconstructing and dismantling the DSM--understanding exactly how disorders are currently categorized, the evidence behind it, the lack of evidence behind it, what clinicians and researchers are saying about these diagnoses, how we actually experience these diagnoses in practice, how diagnoses change through history, things like that. It can be super crucial to build our own understandings of just how these diagnoses were shaped in the first place so that we can understand what it would mean to dismantle and build alternative models that feel more affirming for us. I think your idea of trying to group more by traits rather than strict disorder criteria is something that might resonate with a lot of people!

that being said, i think that it is such a large and difficult project and also something that is almost impossible to make universal--there are so many factors going into everyone's experience with madness/mental illness/neurodivergence, and different labels are going to resonate with different people for different reasons. it's hard to predict what language or models will catch on with different people, and not all types of language or models are accessible to everyone. i guess for me i just think it can be helpful to go into projects like this without the expectations that this will necessarily be able to replace the DSM for everyone, and instead thinking more about how this can be a valuable tool for providing more options and ways of thinking about madness/mental illness/neurodivergence! even if it doesn't work for everyone or is only applicable to certain types of traits and variations, i think that this type of creation of knowledge is so, so valuable. i hope that makes sense!

some other related concepts that your ask reminded me of was @bioethicists principles of liberatory antipsychiatry. Charlie identifies the right to your own explanatory model as a key principle of liberatory antipsychiatry, and that liberatory antipsychiatry should affirm and build upon those individual models, and respect that as a way of healing. I think that's a really important insight, and to me makes a lot of sense. We all have the right to draw from our own experiences + minds, as well as use existing knowledge, science, and disability community experience in order to create alterative labels, models, and frameworks for our madness/mental illness/neurodivergence. I honestly feel like I've created my own hyperspecific model of madness for my own bodymind, and that framework has been super helpful for figuring out how to live with my madness. Idk how helpful it would be for anyone who isn't me, but having my own particular explanatory model was crucial for helping me heal.

It also reminds me of the way this really amazing peer support network for people living with schizophrenia in Japan called Bethel House, who developed a framework for radical peer support and healing. This article talks about the concept of tōjisha-kenkyū, which in English would get translated as something like "self directed diagnosis" or maybe "political education," and it seems kind of similiar to English concepts about self diagnosis.

"Self-reflection is at the heart of this practice. Tōjisha-kenkyū incorporates various forms of reflection developed in clinical methods, such as social skills training and cognitive behavioural therapy, but the reflections of a tōjisha don’t begin and end at the individual. Instead, self-reflection is always shared, becoming a form of knowledge that can be communally reflected upon and improved. At Bethel House, members found it liberating that they could define themselves as ‘producers’ of a new form of knowledge, just like the doctors and scientists who diagnosed and studied them in hospital wards. The experiential knowledge of Bethel members now forms the basis of an open and shared public domain of collective knowledge about mental health, one distributed through books, newspaper articles, documentaries and social media." (Japan's radical alternative to psychiatric diagnosis, Satsuki Ayayais and Junko Kitanaka, ).

Anyway, thought I'd share those things to sort of point you in the direction of other people thinking about madness outside of the DSM. if you end up doing any more thought or creation for this idea, def feel free to share with me! I love seeing all the ways people take apart the DSM and build our own knowledge, and would love to keep updated.

best of luck, anon!

[capesandshapes]

My whole entire night has been dedicated to the same insane thread, and I am going to break the fuck down here, because I am still reeling from what has just happened.

When I was in college I lived with a girl who unfortunately stalked a male actor, like full on, tricked me and a few other people associated with her into taking photos of him around our campus and sending them to her, acting like they were playing a game of Snapchat tag, which was a common thing on our campus. She also convinced other people to make plans with him to lure him into a place so that she can show up there and corner him. All of this adding up to an incident where she tries to kiss him the night that he comes to her dorm room because her roommates were instructed to cancel their weekly party, and I'm not fully sure whether he was told, or offered watching movies with her as an alternative but yeah.

And I only really realized that she was full on stalking him towards the end of my senior year of undergrad.

Supposedly, right around this time, which is great when this girl who is majoring in theater would be going into doing teaching hours, she was stalking him hardcore and pretty much almost got a charge, such I don't know if she actually got a charge. But it was iffy.

After I graduated, I said to myself I am never going to see her again, thank fucking god. To this day, I stand by thank fucking god. But people I knew continued to see her. Mainly because she was operating in our main Midwestern cityscape which is a small theater community.

At some point she goes to get her graduate degree in directing from one of the midwestern schools, and then she comes back to the theater scene. This is important. Remember this. She is accounted for during all of this. She's in Milwaukee for 2 years in order to supposedly do her graduate degree and then she goes back to the twin cities.

In the twin cities, she has her graduate degree, but she starts ghosting a lot of our mutual friends over a few months, essentially drops off the face of the earth, saving one of them for last. She notes that this is really weird, the girl who was last, not the girl who is insane.

The girl who was last sees her within the past year. She also happens to know where she's working. This is something you need to remember.

So, tonight, I am disappointed about the fact that you can no longer get married in a cave in the state of minnesota. And I am looking for other roadside attractions where I remember that, oh yeah, that girl that used to be friends with said that her mom had a metal rabbit sculpture at the twin cities sculpture garden. She mentioned it when I brought up visiting this really weird sculpture garden around where I lived. This is interesting.

I look up just about all of the metal rabbit sculptures in Minnesota and attempt to find the photos that she showed me. Only to find that the photos that she showed me were not made by a woman who is supposedly her mother, but rather a man. A man whose children don't happen to include her.

This is weird.

I decide to look into things a little more, and find her artistic website. I'll need to find that in her artistic website, she claims that she has a few years experience of working with disabled people, helping them build foundational English skills. This is interesting because she claims this happened in the twin cities, we've been graduated for the same amount of time, and all of her time in the twin cities is accounted for. She's just been working for this one theater-- confirmed. That's it. No years long span of experience.

She has used this supposed years long span of experiences appeared out of nowhere to get jobs that she is uniquely qualified having it however. Which is, great. Because like at most, the only time that she feasibly could have done this teaching of handicapped people is during a single month-long span.

I mean.

She also doesn't mention where we did our undergrad together at all. Or completing her graduate degree. She does state that she's from the twin cities, which is good.

I

Poke the bear

I decide to ask one of our friends in common the same one who knew where she was while she was in the cities ghosting just about everyone else, just to double check a few facts. I then find out that she has been banking on using an incredibly common name, the incredibly common name that was gifted to her, removing all of her friends and family, and crafting a fake life relying on the fact that when you Google her name, there's so many people with the same name in the midwest, but there's no way that you can actually verify her job, her education or anything.

This is

Both insane and yet somehow makes oodles of sense.

Also she may have stalked someone new in grad school which correlates with her original move before she packed it in for Chicago.

Also she may possibly have siblings that she lied to all of her friends and roommates about-- at one point saying she was an only child but then claiming to have a brother. We can't really verify. Which is remarkable.

[notesfromthepalace]

Fit and Fine

I am officially 16lbs down Sissy Poohs:

What I have realized is the white girls have been on to something.

You know when you watch early 2000 sitcoms, you know, before the whole body positivity thing and inclusivity thing, when all of the white girls were counting calories. I thought that was crazy but that is what has skyrocketed my weight loss.

Essentially, with the first 7-9lbs lost, I had changed up my diet and started working out again. I was doing well and started seeing progress and then - boom, plateau.

I downloaded the "Lose-It" app that helped me set up a plan based on how fast I want to reach my goal of 165lbs. Essentially, based on how much I workout, with 10k steps a day and eating between 1400-1600 calories, I should reach my goal by October 9th, next month; I'm excited.

I think its definitely feasible since I'm 5lbs away from my goal with about a month left.

Losing weight, eating all three meals a day with a snack feels so much better. The first time I lost weight, I was just starving myself, so I felt like I looked slim, but I my face was drooping and I looked plushy/soft.

Versus now, I look more toned, my face looks chiseled, and honestly, I am fine as hell.

I meal prep 3 boiled eggs (just the egg white chilllllle, I don't want high cholesterol), for lunch, I eat a full fruit jar, abut 14oz, then a small dinner consisting of some type of protein (usually chicken), and either a boiled sweet potato (about 88 calories), a small spinach salad with one tablespoon of Cesar dressing and a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese (about 114 calories) or 1/3 cup of white rice (42 calories). On the weekends I don't workout but I still take Coco for her two mile walk and I am usually still able to obtain about 10k steps a day.

I also indulge in scrambled eggs (one full egg and two egg whites) with cheese, garlic salt, onion and black pepper with bacon. But that meal is so filling what it usually keeps me full for the most part. I also still drink coffee with French vanilla creamer every morning - but no added sugar because the cream alone makes the coffee 420 calories.

That's another thing this app and my journey have taught me - looking at serving sizes and actually calculating the amount of calories are in a meal and how much I am actually eating.

If I am being completely honest, seeing the numbers made me feel like a freaking vacuum.

The above gif is a reference to the rapper Ice Spice calling Cleotrapa (another rapper) a vacuum for eating everything brought to their table at an Italian restaurant.

The first day I used the app I had inputed my breakfast and measured everything: Within an hour I had consumed almost 800 calories, talk about a fat-ass right!!

I love using the app. I also love the fact that I was able to link my Apple Watch so I can accurately get a count of my steps, calories burned in my workouts, how long I stand for, etc.

Make sure you do what works for you. I am one of those people that cute outfits, the color pink, and seeing visual representations of my efforts, are what propels me to go harder and further. I literally only bought my Apple Watch for fitness purposes and made sure the band was pink. I have arm weights that are 1lb I wear around the house while doing chores, the leg warmers to add some spunk to my workout outfits, pink 32oz water bottle, my meal prep jars are pink, did I mention I did pink French tip this week? I think I have made my point.

Lastly, as long as you are reaching your goal in a healthy way, don't allow people to tell you:

"you're fine"

"you look great"

"you need to eat more"

"oh so you wanna be skinny"

"I can't hang around you"

Or whatever the hell else they say. Most people say these things from a place of insecurity because they don't have the determination or disciple to achieve goals that they would love to have - but can't do - and would rather make excuses. If being slimmer and healthier is what makes you happy, do it! Don't listen to the naysayers. They just want you to be miserable like them (jk, but I'm serious).

In all, I am proud of myself this time around where I am learning to create a sustainable healthy lifestyle. It also helps that my boyfriend is literally a gym rate who consumes protein like we breathe air, insane, but helpful.

If you have questions or want to start, please feel free to leave comments, ask questions, dm - or just do your own thing.

I hope this inspired you.

Remember, there's only three month left in the year, meaning nine months until the Summer of 2025. You have more than enough time to get in shape and be a beach babe.

As always,

With love,

Sarah Chanel

P.S.

Once in a blue, I eat a snickers bar

[askagamedev]

In game development, it is common for the person in charge to make a final decision and therefore overruling some devs in the process. In some posts of yours, you mentioned that you also have been overruled multiple times, and sometimes if was a mistake, but also sometimes is was the right choice. The last part interests me and my question is: Can you describe in which situations you are glad you have been overruled? It sounds like a strong learning moment realizing ones own mistake much later.

Sure. I can definitely recall one such situation - it was certainly an educational epiphany for me because it forever changed how I saw the work. I was working on a pretty well-established MMOG at the time. Like most successful MMOGs, it had a lot of major gameplay systems. I had a personal fondness for a particular one of these gameplay systems so I was excited to pitch an idea expanding and improving on it. My lead gently rebuffed me and gave me perhaps one of the most important design lessons of my life. This is that lesson.

One of the myths I used to believe about game design is "if you build it, they will come". I used to believe that pouring more resources into a particular type of content would entice more players to engage with that content. On paper, it made sense - if we spent more resources on it, we could make it cooler, more intuitive, more engaging, and get more players to play it. That was the essence of my pitch. Unfortunately, I had been running off of a combination of gut feeling and player discussions dedicated to the particular flavor of content I was talking about.

My manager explained it to me - adding more resources would not necessarily see a 1:1 correlation to player engagement. Instead, what would happen would be that the small percentage of players that already engaged with that kind of content regularly would feel great at being fed more, and we'd get a one-time spike of players who would try it once and never go back. No one else would engage with the content. The fact it was a mature MMOG meant that they had years of collected data to back up those assertions.

I wanted to believe that it was just because we didn't try hard enough or didn't put enough resources into it, but I had to face a hard truth - the devs who I had imagined weren't "trying hard enough" were my coworkers and teammates - the ones I knew, worked with, and trusted. It wasn't like we would magically conjure up super-designers from the ether who were far better at content creation than the existing team of seasoned professionals we already had. "Try harder, do better" wasn't a feasible solution once I actually had to consider what "try harder, do better" entailed. It wasn't going to be enough. It wasn't going to work.

As you said, the realization that my core assumption was flawed was a very strong learning moment for me. A long-held bit of industry wisdom is the willingness to "kill your babies", and that day I had the realization that one of mine was quite undead. I am very thankful to my manager for teaching me that lesson that day. It has been some extremely valuable wisdom that I've used to help evaluate ideas, both proposed by others and my own.

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[carnivoraformes]

@bishonenprince asked, "2. How did you get into this franchise/fandom?

11. Are there some things you dislike about how the show/series/etc. portray the character you have picked up? If so, what? - ( Aventurine )

17. Are there any ships you can’t stand, why?"

canon questionare. || Status: Accepting

How did you get into this franchise/fandom?

Already answered here!

Are there some things you dislike about how the show/series/etc. portray the character you have picked up? If so, what? - ( Aventurine )

//At the expense of sounding like someone that really loves angst to much I do honestly think that they should have put more emphasis on Aventurine's gambling addiction or at least made it clear that this man is addicted to gambling.

And no I don't mean they glamorize it or romanticize it, but it feels like saying 'oh well he is just really lucky' and 'is a paranoid lunatic that plans for everything' is covering up 'oh well he has a gambling addiction and somehow hasn't managed to fuck up badly enough to realize how big his problem is' (which is really saying something) and to avoid blatant spoilers I will say that I personally feel that he is one of those addicts that won't stop until it kills him.

This is just my opinion and I'm sure it will eventually somehow blow up on a much grander scale eventually but it is kind of part of the reason I like the idea of writing my Aven as joining the Family after failing his mission because I want to write the idea he gambled hard and it finally blew up in his face and because honestly if he did succeed how would he feasibly top this? Like this would probably be his magnum opus. Like how would you top this?

Are there any ships you can’t stand, why?

//I like to generally think I am pretty chill when it comes to ships. I have the usual icks but I don't honestly see most ships between consenting adult muses as problematic or wrong or something worth hating UNLESS it is romanticizing abuse, stalking or anything sick like that.

That said one ship I absolutely despise that I keep seeing on A03 is fucking Jing Yuan/Yanqing and Sunday/Robin and I'm just like 'what the absolute fuck is wrong with you, you sorry sick fucks?' I have yet to not see it on tumblr because I'm pretty sure they would probably get scorned by the general fandom on tumblr (or at least they do in the corner I exist in) but for fuck's sake why does anyone think that is okay?

But also I won't say I can't stand it but I am probably 1 of the 3 people that doesn't like Robin/Boothill. Like it seems fun but... I just don't see it. The fanart looks great and I'm happy for ya'll and all the fucking memes people are coming up with is fucking gold but it isn't a ship I'd write seeing as I write Robin as a lesbian and that isn't a flexible thing for me.

But I can't talk to much shit about Robin/Boothill because I ship Wriothesley/Jean.

[quibbs126]

So yesterday when drawing those other drawings of the Bronev family, my mind started to wonder about any extended family Rachel and Leon might have had, and so I made these two

However I do subscribe to the theory that Rachel and Leon had no other living relatives by the time of their abduction, so if the text didn’t tell you already, these two are definitely dead by the current time of the game or any AUs I make that go into the past

The first one I made up was Theodore, Layton and Desmond’s uncle, and yes Rachel named Layton after her brother. It was mostly because while I can see Leon being an only child, I can see Rachel having a brother or two, so I made him.

Also, I was planning to make his last name Grace, because @notllorstel makes that Rachel’s maiden name and I like it, but then I realized that in their Twisted Fates au, there’s already a character named Theodore Grace, and that would just get confusing. But I also don’t know what to name him now

In terms of personality, I imagine Theodore to be a very sociable guy, and honestly I’d say the character in this family that’s closest to him in terms of personality is Descole, for the pure charisma and snark. Theodore and Rachel would bicker a lot and Theodore would constantly tease her, but it was more in a joking way, and they always had each other’s backs when it counted. He’s some years older than her, enough so that he was able to to feasibly take care of her when their parents died (I don’t know what of, just that they did). But tragically, he ended up dying in some freak accident (I haven’t figured out what exactly, either a car accident or some machinery malfunction at his work) around the time that Rachel was close to 20. So yeah, he never met his nephews and might not have even met Leon, but Desmond knows about him from his mother

I’m not sure I’m satisfied with his hair. I know I was also planning on giving him a fedora, but I just didn’t draw it for some reason. Whenever I draw these guys more, I’ll probably draw him with it

Next we have Harriet Bronev, Leon’s mother. His father wasn’t really ever in the picture (whether he died when Leon was very young or he just wasn’t involved at all I’m not sure, but I am leaning towards the absent father angle), so it was just these two

I got the idea of Leon having a single mother from @multiversal-madness How Things Change au, because there they mention how Leon’s mother adopted Luke, but his father is never mentioned, so I just assume it’s only his mother, and so I carried that over here because I liked it

Growing up she supported her son’s interest in archaeology, but at the same time was aware that his interests tended to alienate him from other kids and he had trouble making friends, which concerned her. I don’t really have much else to say about her in terms of personality, as I haven’t really fleshed that out, but I know she and her son were very close

Unlike Theodore her death was much less sudden, as it was more just due to health complications and her getting older, and she was surrounded by family in her final moments. Also she got to meet her grandchildren. Hershel liked her well enough, but it was Theodore who really liked her, and she loved to dote on her grandchildren

But yeah, here are these guys