#i am NOT anywhere NEAR emotionally

[rosarrie]

[tmae3114]

The day that pokemon games allow for multiple save files, it'll be over for me

[dwn024]

bro i was trying to sleep without headphones or anything just rawdogging that shit waiting for unconsciousness to take me and my brainwaves went from “hehe let’s imagine the entire CMY2K pilot and work out some minor story beat kinks and also come up with a very fun villain monologue that i will never remember enough of to write down^_^” to “hey remember the abyss of the rock bottom point of your life and how much that sucked? what if people from back then make their way back into your life^_^”

[eldritchamy]

oops guess who watched 30 episodes of The Vampire Diaries in 42 hours, cried their eyes out, and has a headache

I just finished season 2 and ouch

[mylight-png]

I refuse to be told to "move on" from October 7th. I simply refuse.

You know the thing about trauma? You don't really get the choice to move on. You may be living in the future, but at least a part of your mind is trapped in that horrible moment. Sometimes that part of you can never escape.

Right now, as I'm writing this, I am sitting at my desk in my room. But right now, as I am writing this a part, huge part, of me is still in that airport. That part of me is still staring at my phone, trying to catch its breath but failing. That part of me is still watching in shock as the death count rises, the videos of Hamas's atrocities are broadcasted everywhere I see, the celebration of my people being massacred is burning my eyes. My ears are hearing the wailing sirens from when I was last in Israel. My hands are still feeling the shaking of the walls as the Iron Dome intercepts attempts upon the lives of my family and me. My heart is hurting for each life lost and each family left broken.

My body is here, in January 10th. My mind is not. My mind, and the mind of nearly every Jew is still stuck in October 7th.

Do not think we chose this. If I could choose indifference, if I could choose apathy, if I could choose ignorance, I wouldn't feel so constantly triggered and in pain.

But nobody gets to choose trauma.

This wasn't a unique trauma, a first-time event. Pogroms are nothing new to us, genocides and attempts at such against us aren't anything new, hateful libel and lies are near-constants.

That's part of what made October 7th so much worse.

I grew up hearing about how my great-grandfather lost his entire family to the Holocaust, how my ancestors survived pogroms, how my parents faced systemic antisemitism in the USSR.

We all grew up hearing our parents and grandparents tell us about antisemitism.

And do not think we were ignorant of it. I was well aware that the world is not even close to shedding its deeply ingrained antisemitism.

I was aware of it when I wrote a speech about discussion of modern antisemitism and being told it was "well-written but controversial". I was aware of it when my teacher said I was responding "emotionally, not academically" to an author claiming antisemitism and the Holocaust weren't "that bad".

I was aware of it when a synagogue near me got shot up, a synagogue I've been to. I was aware of it because I had no other choice.

But it had always felt like it was "winding down" from what my parents had told me. Yes what my teacher did was bad but at least he didn't explicitly single me out for being a Jew and intentionally fail me. Yes the feedback for my speech was hurtful but it wasn't like I was being violently censored. Yes the shooting was awful but it wasn't a full-blown pogrom.

I'm not saying my logic was correct. Far from it. But that's how it felt before October 7th.

When October 7th happened I saw that nothing was "winding down" as I had previously thought. People were still just as keen to gleefully cheer on the killing of Jews as they had been. The world is just as slow to act when Jews are being forcibly held and tortured and killed. Blood libel and ideas of the "doctor's plot" are alive and well.

Oct 7th triggered old trauma, Oct 7th was traumatic in its own right, and for most of us, Oct 7th proved that antisemitism isn't going anywhere. It isn't winding down or getting better.

And that kind of pain? That kind of trauma? That sticks with you.

You wouldn't tell any other person to get over their trauma. So what makes it ok to say it to traumatized Jews as we are still processing the largest massacre of Jews since the Holocaust?

That behavior is horrible and inexcusable.

Trauma is trauma, you don't get to decide who does or doesn't have the right to be traumatized. You don't get to decide how people discuss their trauma.

[sim0nril3y]

How about one where they have a huge fight with lots of angst and groveling? I just love angst so much.

Note: my looooooove, i hope that this was okayyy, i'm not super happy with it, but it's kinda angsty with a little bit of hope towards the end. Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Civilian!Reader Warnings: No mask Simon (It's my personal headcanon in his regular life he probably wouldn't wear it), established relationship, talk of sleep struggles, canon-typical swearing.

There had been so much of your relationship that had been so difficult in the beginning. It wasn’t like there was ever a conversation that you were officially together, it just happened. It was like you never wanted to leave and equally he didn’t want that either. You simply began sleeping over at Simon’s flat, keeping some spare clothes in your car. It was because the conversation never happened that you were left trying to figure out what Simon needed or wanted from you.

It was the little things in the beginning, taking his arm in public, wrapping yourself around it. Simon was simply shrug you away, as if unwanted. You were hurt by the exchange, but it was hard to talk to him about these things because… well, it wasn’t easy to talk to Simon most of the time.

You’d try and bring up these conversations with him. You’d try and ask him what he wanted. It all came to nothing. Emotionally he struggled to voice any type of opinion or need. When you would begin the conversation Simon would simply shut it down, when you’d accuse him of being unavailable emotionally, he’d call you dramatic.

This same little argument would come up every now and then, but finally you were sick of it all, you were sick of going in circles, you were tired of not being able to make any progress, you were just annoyed by Simon shutting you out. “Where are you going?” His voice boomed from behind you.

“I’m going home.” You told him firmly, turning to look at him. “You don’t want me anywhere near you in public. The only time you’ll touch me is in your home.” You fumed at him and Simon look bewildered for a moment. “And then when I try and talk to you about it because it bothers me, you just shut me out.” You announced. “So, yes. I’m leaving. I’m frustrated and I feel like I’m not being heard.”

Simon let out a gruff noise. “You’re being dramatic.” “That’s what you always say!” You pointed a sharp finger back in his direction. “I’m telling you how I feel and you’re not listening. How am I supposed to know what is too much with you, Simon? I feel like I don’t know anything about you!” The worries that had been buried deep down came tumbling out. “I had to convince you to go on a date with me. You wouldn’t tell me what you did for a job. You’ve never mentioned any family. I haven’t met your friends.” Then shaking your head, you continue. “And you haven’t asked me any of those things either…”

For a moment he looked frustrated, turning and rubbing his hands over his face. “You won’t talk to me… I don’t even… I don’t even know what we are.” You pointed out, voice lowering sadly. “I’m not expecting you to tell me everything… I just… I want to know if I’ll ever know anything.” Simon looked rigid, like he was frozen in fear. The way that he didn’t instantly jump to comfort you or assure you only increased you hurt feelings. Simply you nodded your head and said. “Okay… well, when you figure it out… you have my number.”

With a sharp turn you left the flat, tears beginning to fill your eyes and finally spilling down your face by the time that you reached your car. As you sat there you wondered if you should have just allowed things to continue, but that didn’t feel right for you. Of course, you didn’t want to make Simon uncomfortable either, feeling like he had to tell you things he didn’t want to talk about but if you were going to be more to him than a fling then you wanted to know more about him.

The next few days you didn’t hear from Simon and deep down you had convinced yourself you were never going to hear from him again. Maybe he just wasn’t ready for that type of commitment, or maybe you just wasn’t what he was looking for in a partner, too touchy, too dramatic. It hurt because you had felt like there was a real connection, something true and pure.

Late one evening you phone began to buzz beside you. Glancing down your eyes went wide as Simon’s name flashed across the screen. Shit… Shit, was this really happening? You had to shake yourself back to reality and answer in a breathless voice. “Simon?”

“Yeah…” His voice came back hard but with something lingering beneath the surface. “I…” He paused for a moment. “My mother’s name was Mary.” It was piece of information that you hadn’t been expecting and for a long moment the line went completely silent, you simply filled the space with. “That’s a nice name.” “It’s just a name…” A tiny smile tugged at your lips as you were reminded of the first conversation you’d had with Simon. “Come to the door?”

Stepping through your flat, prying open the door Simon stood there hoody drenched with rain, hood pulled up. “Haven’t fuckin’ slept in two fuckin’ days because I can’t get you off my fuckin’ mind.” His teeth were slightly grit, like he was mad with you or maybe himself for that fact. “I don’t know what we are but I know that I don’t want to lose you because of a stupid argument.”

Frowning you crossed your arms over your chest. “I struggle with opening myself up. I struggle with letting people in. I know… I know that is frustrating for you but that is just how I am.” Simon huffed. “I wasn’t expecting you to come bulldozing into my life. You turned my life upside down.”

“You could always ask me to walk away. If it was too much for you. If it wasn’t what you were wanting…” “Like fuck.” He grumbled, shaking his head. “Like fuck am I ever going to ask you to walk away. I’ve done countless stupid fuckin’ things, but that would… I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t put everything into this…” Then he took a step towards you, looking deep into your eyes with desperation and vulnerability. “I will try and do better. I will be more open. I can’t promise it will change overnight but I will try that for you… only for you…”

The second his hands clasped your face, bringing you forward to him a tiny whimper escaped your lips. “I can’t lose you.” Simon whispered. “Not now. Not ever.” Squeezing his eyes closed and pressing his forehead against your own. “Don’t give up on me yet.” There was a mixture of emotions that were bubbling around you now. “I don’t want to force you to be something you’re not uncomfortable being…”

“And I’ve lost too many people to let you walk away because I won’t hold your hand in public.” Simon replied shortly, opening his eyes and looking down into your own again. “We will figure this out, babe. You have my word.” Lips skimming against your own now, looking for silent permission. “Promise?” “Promise.” Your lips connected into a passionate kiss then. Maybe this could be the start of something different.

Masterlist | Ask | 12-12-2023

[connorswhisk]

and so it goes (miguel o’hara x spiderman!reader)

hi note this is a fic specifically for transmasc readers. don’t come anywhere near this if you’re a cis woman. you have a million fics you can read that aren’t this one. thank you 🍻

@spokentothewoods here you go ☺️

WARNINGS: Angst, slightly sexual situations >:)

That ever-present tenseness is visible in his shoulders; in truth, you don’t think you’ve ever seen him without it, for as many years as you’ve been working with him. You’ve been working late tonight and could really use a break yourself, but with Jess away for an ultrasound, someone had to stay behind and keep an eye on Miguel.

Perhaps you volunteered for the job a tad too hastily, if the smirk Hobie had flashed in your direction was any indication, but Hobie’s always smirking at things. You’ve gotten pretty used to it.

In any case, even Margo’s signed off for the night. You know Miguel’s the Big Boss In Charge, but…couldn’t he benefit from some chill time?

“That’s it,” you say, yawning. “That’s the last of the logs done. Think I’ll turn in for the night.”

Miguel says nothing. He either is so immersed in his work that he didn’t hear you, or he’s ignoring you - both are likely in their own way.

After a moment’s more of silence, you frown, and web yourself up to his platform. He’s always brooding, that’s pretty normal, but…

Oh, you realize, because you recognize the video footage he’s watching. You’ve never seen it yourself, but you know what it is, where Miguel came from. You know why he is the way that he is.

You contemplate leaving and pretending you saw nothing, but then Miguel turns his head and fixes you with his dark, exhausted eyes, and it’s too late to act innocent.

“Sorry,” you say quietly. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. You just…”

“What.” He phrases the word as a statement, not a question. “I just what.”

You sigh. “I worry about you, Miguel. I mean, when you first found me in my universe…you were sad, sure, but you weren’t this angry. I don’t know what changed, but if you ever need to talk…”

“I don’t.” His stare is fixed somewhere past your shoulder, his jaw hard as steel. “Nothing changed. I’m fine.”

“Oh, bullshit,” you tell him, and you can’t help but roll your eyes. “How long have we known each other? I know when you’re lying to me.”

Miguel shakes his head. He’s been working with Jess the longest and all the Spiders respect him as their leader, but he’s never gotten as close to anyone as he has to you. You know this because he told you so himself, a year ago when MJ was killed and you were stumbling around HQ in a haze, the big empty pit in your stomach threatening to swallow you whole.

We all lose people, he’d told you, his voice the gentlest you’d ever heard it. But we persevere. You’re strong, Y/N. You can survive this.

I bet you tell all the Spiders they’re your favorite, you’d joked half-heartedly, desolate and depressed, sure you were right. But Miguel had given you this look that had told you plainly: I am completely serious. And then he’d started to say something, stopped as if he’d thought better of himself, and swung away.

You don’t know what he’d been about to tell you…though maybe you kind of do. The pair of you have never necessarily been the emotionally vulnerable types, but the connection between you is one that cannot be denied.

“I’m fine,” he’s repeating now, still hiding from the truth. “Just tired.”

“Which is exactly why you should call it for the night. You’ve done plenty.”

“I haven’t done enough.”

“Look, just…” You exhale deeply, pull off your mask so you can meet him eye-to-eye. You don’t miss the slight change in his demeanor when you bare your face, the fleeting look of quick relief. “Do you…want a massage or something?”

He blinks. “What.”

“I asked if you wanted a - “

“I heard you.”

You quirk an eyebrow. “Ok. So? Your shoulders could really use it, dude.”

“I…” You can pinpoint the exact moment he decides to give in, posture slumped and scowl deepening. “…Fine.”

He turns back to face the screens - thankfully, the video from before is long gone. Miguel says nothing for a long time, ‘til he finally snaps, “Well?”

You lay your hands on his shoulders. You’re no trained masseuse, but your Aunt May does a wicked back rub and you’re sure you can replicate her technique, more or less. And so you try.

Are all shoulder muscles this knotted? Or is Miguel just overworking himself per usual? You’re not sure, but you press as hard as you dare, first with your fingertips, then kneading in and out with your knuckles. Miguel is silent as you work. The only sound he makes is the measured course of his breathing, up-down, up-down, up-down. You can feel it thrumming through your neurons, slow and steady.

“What, sorry?” You didn’t catch what Miguel just mumbled under his breath.

“Can you - go harder?” he repeats, practically spitting the words. He sounds as exhausted as you’ve ever heard him.

Wordlessly, you begin to apply even more pressure, and Miguel moans. You’ve never heard him make a noise like that before, and in your shock, you start and almost back away from him entirely. You manage to keep your wits, though, and you press again in the same spot, feeling the knot aching to unravel beneath his skin.

“Y/N,” he groans - but before you can begin to wrap your head around that, Miguel’s body is freezing up under your fingertips, and suddenly, he’s wrenching himself away from you.

“Woah - you ok?” You drop your hands to dangle by your hips, but you can still feel the buzz in your head, concentrated and slightly painful like a migraine, a hit off a cigarette.

“You should go,” Miguel says quietly, his back to you. “This…you should just go.”

“Ok.” You’re finding it hard to breathe, beneath all the spandex and bindings and confusion. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No.”

“Did I hurt you?”

“No.”

“Then what the hell is the prob - “

“GO, Y/N,” Miguel seethes, his hands tightening into fists at his sides. “Just leave me alone.”

You scowl. “Fine.” Pulling your mask down over your face again, you shoot a strand of web over in the opposite direction, pull yourself through the air until you land against the wall and cling there. “Fine, Miguel. Whatever you want. As usual.”

If he looks back at you as you leave, you don’t know. At the moment, you’re too hurt and angry to waste another thought on him.

[yangbbokari]

Back To Me

Pairing: Kim!Seungmin x F!Reader

Genre/AU/Tropes: Angst, non-idol!au, lovers to exes

Warnings: breakup, language, regrets(if that counts idk), implied cheating, daddy issues

WC: 2.5k

Summary: Things with Seungmin just didn’t seem to ever look up and when you confront him about it, he lashes out

A.N: !NOT PROOF READ!Feedback is greatly appreciated*★,°*:.☆(￣▽￣)/$:*.°★* 。also, I’ve been obsessed with “Back To Me” by The Rose since it came out and this ff idea has been weighing heavily on my mind. I am not implying that said idol(s) behave anywhere near what is mentioned in this ff. Inspo from 

Song rec: ‘Back To Me’ by The Rose

You can still remember those sweet moments with Seungmin. You ran along the seashore as he snapped pictures with his camera you gifted him on his birthday. He took you on a short trip to the park and took pictures of you with your hair blowing in the wind. The both of you laid beside each other, getting lost in the other’s eyes.

But you can’t remember when it all started. What caused that sudden change in your relationship? Was it you? Was it him? You would never know…

You didn’t sense it. It all kind of just… happened. Slowly, Seungmin started to grow distant from you. You wish you knew why. I mean, you could’ve just asked him what’s wrong right? Well, the answer is no. How do you ask someone who’s never home and doesn’t reply to your texts? On days he would actually come home, he wouldn’t talk to you. When he did, all he would do was lash out at you for things that weren’t even your fault.

You tried to support him, you really did. You always kept your calm and told yourself it was just because of his stress stemming from work. But it wasn’t long before it broke you down. Nipping at even your smallest insecurities. So on one of the days when he came home, you just said it all to him.

As soon as you heard the door open, so did your mouth. “Come eat dinner. It’s gonna get co- I’m not hungry”, he cut you off. You got up from your seat at the table and forced him to sit down. He sighed heavily. “What do you want, Y/n. You're driving me crazy. I have enough shit from work and now you're being so demanding.” You scoff. You don’t know where it came from but a fire set ablaze in your eyes and all you felt was irritation.

I can make you mad, I can make you scream

“I’m the one driving you crazy!? I’ve just been looking after you and trying to help you through this stress. But suddenly I’m the problem? You know what? I’m tired of this. You can’t just blame me for shit I didn’t even know of. I’m trying to be a good girlfriend and for what? For you just to come home and berate me when you feel like it?” You were breathing heavily by now and the anger consumed you. “Well, you’re not the one working are you? You’re not the one earning money. You’re not the one putting food on the table. You’re not th- But I’m the one trying to make this relationship survive!!!”, you cut him off because you couldn't bear to hear those words come from his mouth. He knew how much they hurt you. 

Your dad said the exact same words before leaving you on your own with your sick and dying mother. When your mother died, it left you in shambles. You were barely 12 then and so your aunt adopted you. And she treated you like her own. She was the only family you had left until you met Seungmin. But now it feels like she was and still is the only family you have left.

Seungmin huffed before taking a bite of food. But, he immediately spit back out along with his venomous words. “What the fuck is this!? It’s salty as hell! And you wonder why I’m not eating this shit.” Before you could even process his words, you heard the front door shut. You were all alone now. Again.

I can make you cry

After taking a shower you had no strength to do anything else. It wasn’t exactly a physical problem. You were just mentally and emotionally exhausted. You laid down in bed and curled yourself in a tight ball, with the blankets covering you. You felt vulnerable and weak. Like you couldn’t do anything to save your once perfect relationship with Seungmin. Suddenly your face began to feel wet. You were crying. But now, you were beyond the point of just crying. You were sobbing uncontrollably. 

Did he fall out of love with you? Or was he just playing you all along? Did he find someone already and he was waiting for a perfect chance to break up? Why did he change? Was it because of you? Or was this his true self and you were too blinded by love to realize it? What happened to that sweet smile that was always hidden behind the camera? What happened to his velvety laughs that would echo through the night? What went wrong..?

You ended up crying yourself to sleep but when you woke up, you found that you had a cold. It must’ve been from the crying last night. You felt your head pounding from all sides. You quickly went to the kitchen and took some painkillers. If Seungmin was here right now, he would be the one taking care of you. Does he even want to be here?

“No. Stop thinking about him, Y/n. He’s the reason you’re like this.”, you thought out loud. You hated the thought of even contacting him in the state you were in, but you needed someone there while you were sick.

Calling all day but I never pick up, instead of pulling my weight always pushin’ my luck

So you called him.

No answer.

Called him again…

No answer.

The cycle went on a couple more times before you sent a voice message. 

“Hey, Baby. I’m sorry for what happened last night. I didn’t mean to yell at you like that and I understand that you’re also busy and stressed. But can you please come home? I just really need you here right now.”

It has now been several days and your fever isn't getting any better. You spend most of your time in bed but force yourself to take medicine and find something to eat. Left with no choice, you called your friend.

Yuna came over in no time, making sure that you weren’t hurt. But she could clearly see how much you were burning up and the immediate help you needed. She nursed you over the weekend until you were okay. When she asked about Seungmin and found out what happened, she tried her best to convince you to leave him. She always knew that he would do no good for you. But you wouldn’t listen. You refused to. It was only a fight between the two of you. He'd come back to you. Right?

You gave me all that I could take, yeah I take it all for granted. Head up in the clouds, yeah I'll never understand it

Seungmin didn't even return until a full three months later. When he arrived, he wouldn't even look at you. Even though he laid beside you to sleep at night, there was nothing but a wall between you two. It was suffocating you. But it clearly wasn't having the same effect on Seungmin. He would giggle in the middle of the night at some tiktoks he was watching, not minding that he'd wake you up.

It was all so frustrating but you just couldn't find it in you to leave him. Well... that's what you thought at first.

Love no longer remained and if there was any, it was fully one-sided. You were sick of this. The constant mental torture was doing you no good and it slowly killed you. It didn't feel as if you were even a couple. You felt like a caretaker. That's not what you bargained for when you started this relationship.

You tried everything in the books to get him to open up to you. Only to learn, that he was just getting tired of you. You no longer interested him. Or so he said,

"Meh. I've just been bored and trying to find a better entertainment source."

You were so fed up with his, if not irritated, nonchalant attitude. When would he realize that he was hurting you. This internal rage was constantly being built up and you just couldn't handle it anymore.

So you opted for the only choice left. To leave him.

I can make you leave. I can make you hate me for everything.

You packed your clothes and belongings into every box and suitcase you could afford and sent it off to your aunt's. You had already told her of the plan and she agreed. Now all that was left was for him to return home. Time ticked by and the anticipation was killing you. Your knee bounced furiously. You were chewing on your thumb nail until you heard the click of the front door. An exhausted Seungmin stepped through.

"Hey, Seungie. Can we talk?"

He groaned as he walked past you. "Let's talk tomorrow. I'm too tired."

"No. We need to talk like now. It's really important. Please?"

Seungmin rolled his eyes before walking back over to you. "What's so important that you're disturbing my rest?"

You nervously fiddled with your hands. It was more nerve-wracking than you thought. You mustered up the last of your courage you had left and looked him in the eye.

"Let's break up."

"What?"

"Let's go our own seperate ways and break up."

"Okay." He waved you off as he headed to the bedroom to sleep.

Shocked wasn't exactly how you'd describe yourself. To be honest, you kind of expected this. They way he brushed things off so easily wasn't new to you. So you didn't even cry. You just grabbed what you had left and made your way to your aunt's house.

As soon as she embraced you, that's when you let your tears fall. It hurt all too much. Everything that Seungmin had been doing to you for the past two years were spilled out in the hour long conversation shared between you and your aunt. Your hatred only continued to grow for Seungmin and soon, all that was left was hatred for him.

Seungmin didn't even notice that you never came to bed. In fact, everything you previously said flew over his head from his exhaustion. It wasn't until he had awoken that he realized you were nowhere in sight. At first he assumed that you may have went to cook breakfast or collect grocceries. But then he remembered what happened last night. He covered his mouth and his eyes began to water.

He began remembering the horrible things he's been saying to you. He didn't mean any of it. Most of the time it wasn't even directed towards you. It was just pure exhaustion. He only tried to come off as happy so he wouldn't upset you. But that only seemed to make it worse.

What he chose to do though, was give you time. He knew he wasn't the exact person you wanted to talk to at the moment. He shook his head at himself. You'd be back in a week hopefully. That's what he thought up until he felt like the house was a little too empty. SO he checked every nook and cranny. None of your belongings remained. No toothbrush, no clothes, no books, no devices, no personal items. Not even your scent lingered.

God, what had he done?

Calling all day, trynna make things right

Seungmin quickly grabbed his phone and called you. His fingers ran through his hair as the call never made it through time and time again. Now he was extremely worried. What if something happened to you?

So he called your closest friend, Yuna. She picked up rather quickly.

"The hell do you want, assface?" She said almost immediately.

Seungmin swallowed hard before asking her, "Do you know where y/n is? I haven't been able to reach her. Do you know if she's okay?"

"Shouldn't you be able to know the whereabouts of your own girlfriend?"

"Look I really don't know and I'm worried. Something went on last night and she's not home. Now my calls aren't getting through and I don't know what to think."

"Well to me, it looks like she finally took my advice. Have a horrible day, bitch." And with that, Yuna hung up.

"FUCK!!" Seungmin cursed loudly as he flung his phone across the room. Had you really left him? Was he that horrible of a person? He chuckled. Who was he kidding? Of course he was that horrible. The amount of pain he must've inflicted on you. His heart clenched.

He began crying as that was all there was to do left.

It's been a couple of months and both of you were trying to move on. Was it easy? No. At least you both tried though. But fate seemed to have other plans.

Just to fuck it all up when I see you tonight. Since you told me hit the road, I've been runnin' on empty, If anything I know it's how to ruin a happy ending

It was a Friday night and Seungmin chose to spend it at a local bar. Guess that bar must've been a little too local. Because there you were, standing just 20 feet away from him. Seungmin could feel his heartbeat accelerate. He so desperately wanted to run and hug you. It felt like hell without you.

You were no longer there to remind him that he was loved. You were no longer there wishing him good nights and good mornings. You were no longer there to cook him his everyday meals. You were no longer there to give him a goodbye kiss.

But you were here, with another man. Seungmin knew he had no right but he couldn’t help but feel jealous. You told him that you’d always be his so why was it different now? Truth was, he knew the answer. Anger and jealousy blinded him though.

He stomped the whole way over there and yanked you by the wrist. “Who’s this!?” He asked angrily. “What the fuck, Seungmin! Why the hell are you here!?” Seungmin didn’t even hear you as he suddenly flung his fist into the dude’s face.

You grabbed Seungmin by the collar and pulled him towards you, landing a hard smack on his face. “Stop, you fucking asshole.”

He immediately snapped out of it. Seungmin looked at you apologetically but it was already too late. He could see it in your eyes. The disgust, hat and annoyance. How could he do that to you?

”Wait, y/n…”

And he couldn’t even salvage it. So he left. That’s all he could do. He knew you wouldn’t take him back. When he thought about it, he wouldn’t take himself back either. So he began drinking. Drinking all the pain away.

But I can’t make you come back to me

He’d lost you completely and there was nothing he could do. He wanted to scream at you that you couldn’t leave him. But he knew he was in the wrong. On your wedding day he watched as you posted the photos. You and some other dude instead of you and him.

He couldn’t find the strength in him to go to the actual event. He’d lose control if he did. He wanted to tell you,

“I’m sorry.”

But what good would that do. If he truly wanted you to be happy, he’d leave you alone, and that’s what he did. He watched you from afar. He still cried from time to time. He was happy for you. But he had to admit,

“But, I still wan’t you.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ a.n: this has been on pause for 3 months now😭 and idk if ya caught on to the 2nd song at the end but yeah. Anyways, hope ya enjoyed bc this has been a long awaited fix. Sry to anyone who was waiting. Have a great day/night!!! Love y’all!!🫶💕💗

[eroguron0nsense]

Late Night Luffy's Dream Theory

So I've heard a fair amount of speculation about what Luffy's dream is after he becomes Pirate King, and by extension, what Roger's dream was (recall Yamato's flashback confirming that Luffy's dream–which Ace shared with him in their long tipsy conversation/totally not a night of passion–is "the same thing the Pirate King" said.) Fan speculation about Luffy's real dream ranges from things like "host the biggest party in the world", to "go to the moon", "make a country of pirates" etc but I've always found something fundamentally unsatisfactory about these, and I'll throw my hat in the ring to narrow down the possibilities.

To recap, the information we have about Luffy's dream is as follows: -Both times the dream is alluded to, it's at the end of what I and probably a bunch of other people personally conceive of as major sagas pre and post TS that both culminate in a major battle featuring EVERYONE WE'VE SEEN AND MORE –It's something that Roger, battle-hardened and well into his 40s or 50s–shared with Oden, that was documented in Oden's journal and partially inspired Yamato's unshakeable faith in Luffy –The Straw Hats, Ace, and Sabo are all shocked to hear it and ask if he's fully serious, but several of them support it immediately and the others remain protective over it and swear they'll see Luffy's ambition through. Jinbe, Nami, and Usopp are in disbelief, Chopper and Franky are excited, Robin is stunned, but looks hopeful or contemplative rather than derisive or amused, etc. –Ace and Sabo laugh as children, but swear to themselves that they'll protect Luffy's dream and won't let anyone mock it. As he's dying, Ace tells Luffy that he truly, truly believes Luffy will pull it off, and he's only sorry he couldn't see him make that dream a reality. –Shanks found it really funny, but is repeatedly shown stating he thinks that this ridiculous fucking child he met is going to be the future of the next pirate era, implying that he has some degree of faith in this child he (likely) recognizes as the inheritor of Roger's will Luffy's dream is repeatedly referred to as "crazy", or in some cases, "a child's fantasy", but also implied to be something really pure, ambitious, and highly unlikely but theoretically possible.

When I come up with fan theories, I tend to approach them less from a "textual evidence" standpoint than a "what would pack the biggest emotional punch and tie into the message/arc/etc that we've been shown thus far" one, and that tends to inform which popular ones I buy into (e.g. I am about 50-60% convinced that Law death will be a thing because, Chekhov's gun aside, Law's been in fucking crisis and unsure of what he'll do as his own man free of Cora's legacy and tries to emulate him in Wano. And while I think there's still a good chance he'll survive to the end for other reasons, there's also potential for a LOT of bittersweet beauty in him repeating what happened to him in childhood by quite literally passing on his heart and life to someone else). Considering what would be emotionally resonant and feel anywhere near as earned as what it's been built up to over two whole fucking sagas, Luffy's dream has to be something absurdly ambitious and thematically resonant. I do not think, if Luffy's dream were something like "I want to go to the moon", that Yamato would hold faith in him through impossibly oppressive circumstances, or that the audience would care like, at all. So if the dream is tied to something at the core of Luffy's character and the underlying themes of the entire series, what does Luffy represent, and what's the point of One Piece? Luffy is, at this point in the story and honestly long before, the embodiment of this sort of radical, almost anarchic humanism pervading the entire series that seeks to bring genuine freedom, joy, and peace to people everywhere he goes. Even before any divine or joy boy associations, he's a bringer of dawn, a warrior of liberation, and a worker of miracles because he sees injustice happening around him and instantly rejects it. He tears down oppressors everywhere he goes, and he's eventually going to bring that reckoning to the World Government and Blackbeard and every other might-makes-right, brutal, thoughtless hierarchical oppressor stopping their helpless victims from living free, full, happy lives. And critically, he's the inheritor of a crazy, radical dream that'll shake the world because god knows One Piece loves to talk about inherited will/dreams/legacy.

One Piece's broadly radical leftist humanism isn't based in naïveté either; it's very clear that this liberation is preceded by endless failures. Joyboy fails to stop any of what happens and writes letters of apology, Roger dies before he can realize the dream, and all the while countless atrocities are going on with at least 3 Islands we know of and two whole races having their genocides all but done to completion. Kuma suffers immensely waiting for the Dawn, and effectively loses his life and humanity before it can come, still holding on to his belief in Nika. But none of these things will stop the coming of liberation. Every genocide and attempt to purge the politically inconvenient–Ohara, Flevance, the Lunarians, the persecution of the Buccaneers–leaves survivors or inheritors, with Law, Kuma, and Robin in particular playing central roles in saving or aiding Luffy, the bringer of Dawn. The purge of Ohara fails to destroy the records permanently. The fucking biblical infanticides at Baterilla and the end of Roger's bloodline doesn't stop Luffy from inheriting Roger's will and his brother's legacy. Luffy isn't so much a predestined messiah as he is the inheritor of a legacy of resistance and hope that cannot be killed because as long as someone lives, they will dream of the brand of hope and justice that he embodies. No matter how hard you try, or how violently you suppress people, how many legacies or bloodlines or rebels you put to death, people will survive and carry on those legacies or pick up where your victims left off because you can't kill ideas, you can't kill truth, you can't kill dreams, and you can't kill the basic human desire for joy and freedom. I think the "Child's Fantasy" thing we see associated with Luffy's dream is key to this whole mystery. Wano's the arc in which we get the closest, most explicit declarations of Luffy's ideals, in which his core motivation for defeating Kaido–besides helping Momo and his friends seek justice and overthrow an oppressor–is to make sure everyone in the country can eat their fill. It's the kind of thing you wish for as a child–an end to world hunger, world peace, homes for the homeless, an end to prejudice–before a thousand and one adults feed you the lie that it's impossible to redistribute resources, that being crushed by hierarchical oppressive power is natural, or that some people are undeserving of life or basic rights and therefore deserve to be harmed by the powers that be. Before your parents and teachers and other people lecture you on the necessity of Authority and Capitalism and Hegemony or what have you and convince you that a certain number of people simply have to suffer and die to preserve the Proper and Legitimate Hierarchy, that the powerful deserve to be where they are and that victims of these systems deserve it. It'll be something very much like his hopes for Wano in the face of the oppression of Kaidou and Orochi, or the World Government creeping up on them afterward with Ryokugyu loudly announcing that the oppression of the have-nots is the rightful and good state of the world. It'll be a simple, basic hope for good things for him and his friends and all the great people they love, something perfectly possible and right and just and joyful that people have been raised to think of as an impossibility. A place where people can eat their fill, where there's water in parched lands, where people aren't being strangled by heavenly tributes. A world where they can be free. A reality where everyone can be happy, where dreams come true.

[renmorris]

the thing about Evrart sacrificing the Hardies vs Liz being at the Tribunal is like

ok if we want to believe the best about Evrart- that despite everything that happened with Hardies he does care about Liz or that even from the simplest coldest perspective that he put too many resources into her to sacrifice her like the guys

she shouldn’t have been anywhere near the Hardies. she should not have been dangled in front of the krenel mercs sights like that. they were watching Martinaise. did Evrart not realize that the occidental mercenaries were going to be rapists and white supremacists? after having reports on Lely’s behavior? like he would’ve known? right??? the case against Lely was built on that

was he trying to get her to come back to the safety of the harbor after Harry’s interviews? I can see that. I can see Liz not budging because the Hardies are idiots who need to be babysat etc

anyway. whatever. speculation aside what this post is actually about is how i am thinking of:

Lizzie after the Tribunal, who has been under fire, who barely survived, who has watched the Hardies die putting together Evrart's plan. Her bitter realization that this is great PR for the Union and that she herself would’ve been a perfect victim for newspapers. a black Revacholian civilian and union legal representative being targeted very specifically for her race and gender.

because like even if she wasn’t 'supposed' to be there…that means nothing. she was there.

what does the future look like for Lizzie? does she go back and work for Evrart? can she? what are her options? is she only emotionally indebted to Evrart for her schooling or are there legal implications behind him paying for her schooling? is the debt on paper?

[gummybearstastelikesadness]

Alrighty pals, bear with me on this one, it’s 2am and I’m running on 3? monster energy drinks.

Danny’s stuck as Phantom for an indiscernible amount of time and needs to hide as a human. His human disguise includes dyeing his hair any colour other than impossibly white, dark coloured contacts for the glowing eyes, and what amounts to daylight rave makeup to hide the glowing and otherly features. He also ditches the hazmat suit completely if possible for normal clothing, otherwise turtlenecks and layers for the Ghost Boy.

The most difficult thing to hide though is that he doesn’t bleed red he bleeds neon green. This is where things get funky, Danny as a ghost is immune to human poisons. So to hide the blatantly obvious not human colour he dyes his ectoplasm.

To achieve anywhere near a convincing red a 130lbs/59kg individual would need to add at minimum 32.5lbs/15kg of a red dye to their body to even change the colour. Meaning Danny’s “blood” would be around 20%-25% dye. (I used a fabric dyeing guide for colour changing clothes, to get an actual number. Along with both solid and liquid calculations.)

Make this a crossover (example DC Batman) have Danny be on the run stuck in “No Metas Allowed” Gotham. His disguise works, except he catches the Batfam’s eye and they start trying to interact and “help” him. Danny emotionally hurt and scared refuses to tell any of them anything and when he has too he lies, fake name, fake address, fake age, etc.

They get attached to the kid that reminds them of all the Robins in one and the whole family wants him to take him in, one major problem they have no idea who he is legally. No prints, facial ID, or matching appearance in any system and none of them had gotten a DNA sample yet to check that.

Danny eventually gets hurt and ends up bleeding, one of the bats patch him up and get a sample of his blood to check. They get to the cave and try to test it and it’s not blood. It’s mostly an unknown acid and fabric dye?

The bats panic because their newest civilian adoption target is made up of what appears to be the contents of a crafters cleaning closet and still functioning.

Danny eventually trusts them and tells them about the half ghost stuff. They help him transform back in to Fenton (via magic, science, therapy, IDK) but before actually transforming back he goes intangible and a 32.5lbs/15kg goo pile of red dye hits the floor.

(Update it is now 6 am I’ve had a coffee and 2 cups of black tea and am now thinking about how much easier it would be for Danny to use thinned red paint, it’s lot cheaper and easier to get 520oz of it.)

[frazzledsoul]

I am really not liking a lot of the stuff being said around this topic right now (particularly the classism and weaponizing Jess's poverty against him to justify Rory's extramarital affair, not to mention the implication that Rory should be allowed to hurt anyone she wants with her infidelity if it makes her feel better) but I just wanted to clarify a point made in one of my earlier metas.

When I said earlier that it was in Jess's best interest for Rory to reject him so he could move on with his life and not be haunted by his high school sins, I meant that. I think he did need to move on from that aspect of his life completely and not rely on Rory to "save" him.

However, I did not mean in any way, shape or form that Rory was too good for him at that time period, or that a summer spent in NYC with him would be a far more destructive decision than Rory's extramarital affair and flight to Europe actually was. There are a lot of people right now saying that Rory's affair doesn't indict her character in anywhere near as harsh of a light as spending time with Jess would be and even that Jess is the one responsible for her affair because he dared to suggest it. I find a lot of that noise really cruel and hurtful, and I just want to make clear that I would never say or believe anything like that. I most certainly would never, ever say that an extramarital affair would be justified for ANY reason, and I would never, ever say that it was preferable to a consensual fling between two single people.

The fact that Rory chose the affair says a lot of things about her (lack of) moral character, her fickleness, her selfishness, and her overall instability. I wish I could believe that she and Jess could have had a pleasant summer enjoying each other, but I cannot separate the Rory that chose the affair from the one that could have gone off with Jess. Jess was emotionally fragile and needed to heal, and I frankly do not want the Rory of late season 4 who did so many awful and cruel things anywhere around him. She would have hurt him more than she already did, and he did not need that.

(I believe in the AU Rory who was capable of being better to him, but the canon one is a different story. I do not trust that girl not to hurt him, unfortunately).

I do still root for a Literati who are able to treat each other with respect and remain faithful to each other, but this current morality play where he is deemed perpetually morally inferior to her and she is never held responsible for her own cruelties and betrayals in order to maintain her position over him is not something I would ever believe in. I don't believe any of that and never will.

[viviennelamb]

Movements that loathe pure women but claim to provide them women with "true liberation":

liberal feminism,

conservative feminism,

radical feminism,

lesbian feminism,

female separatism,

4B6T,

Decentering men,

Divestment,

Pink pill, black pill, every pill in existence,

all sects of religion (except Loving God, of course...) with Satanism being the absolute worst.

They're all superficial dumpster fires which is why their goals will never be achieved because their priority is sex. Compassionate women who seek genuine human connection (while being respectful of boundaries) and the relief of suffering, who work diligently for these groups being their most loyal, dedicated and caring vassals except they are never protected. Noble women are ignored and while fornicators argue amongst themselves about who's more oppressed, beauty standards while intrasexually competing for dick and pussy (while idolizing images of fake characters with fake strength...). When an actual virtuous woman gives them the solution to their problem, they deny its use and she is trampled on and then discarded.

On paper, I'm the most oppressed demographic in the history of every society in existence in every single way and you know what? Not a single persecution I've dealt with has been anywhere near severe as being pure which is why virtuous women of all ages and cultures can relate to this message without vanity getting in the way.

Reamers are addicted to talking about vain stuff like race, beauty standards, political positions, sexuality like any of that matters. Clean people who are black, asian, pacific islanders, aboriginal, african, latin, hispanic, european and white can talk about all the ways they fought to remain pure in this disgusting world and relate to each other as there isn’t a place on the planet were we can one can maintain their innocence (and there is celebration of her blessedness when she does, not jealousy...).

While emotionally obliterated sexophiles go to war over the dumbest shit in existence, think they're capable and deserving of love which is the longest running Cosmic joke. If you can’t love purity, you can’t love anything, especially your own souls let alone the children you fake pity.

But thanks for confirming this generation after generation!

Even though I'm not “white,” the belief that I am "white" showed me that Assholes of Color stereotype each other as much as they say racists do. Nothing I say changes regardless of my physical appearance. Besides that, I don't write like I’m “white,” I write like I love Purity.

[doodlegirl1998]

Ok, so this might be a super minor thing but it has being bugging me. Is it weird that despite Ochako, Iida and Todoroki being Izuku's closest friends, they never call him by his first name and vice versa? And the fact that it's Bakuhoe of all people to start doing that after his poor excuse of an 'apology' when we all know he isn't Izuku's friend at all (and really, they never were to begin with).

This is ignoring that Ochako calls him 'Deku' (which I'm not a fan of).

In Japan, people don't really call each other by their first names unless it is with someone they have a close relationship with, whether with family or close friends.

Hi @ultimateemerl 👋

No I wouldn't say it's a minor thing to be bugged by, I am bugged by it too. More so by the injustice of it all, let me explain.

Bkg gets to call Midoriya "Izuku" and be praised by the narrative for 'knowing Izuku the best' and being "the closest" to Izuku when really all he did was;

Physically, emotionally and verbally abuse Izuku all his life for being quirkless (which if you take Quirklessness as disability coding makes a very ugly picture.)

Tell him to kill himself.

Destroy his property.

Scream at him all the time and invent a new slur ("Deku") just for him (this continues into UA.)

Blames All Might for Izuku's low self esteem when really it is in large part his fault.

Physically attacks Izu at the slightest provocation. I.e Izu being proud of Black whip apparently deserves a ninja star head piece to the skull according to Bakugou.

Makes jabs at Izu whenever he can, bc fuck Izu's feelings. Even after the lip service manipulation of an apology, Bkg deems it appropriate to say, "A quirkless child given a quirk, sounds like someone we know," in reference to the Aoyama Situation. Yeah, sounds like a great, thoughtful close friend there. Izu is "lucky to have a friend like that" right Author / All Might?!

Follows Izuku everywhere and keeps tabs on him, in true abuser fashion. (Follows him when Todoroki takes Izu to talk, unjustly joins Izu in the OFA meetings just to shit on the past holders and Izu himself. Joins in OFA training which Izu learnt nothing from and Bkg seemed to use it as an excuse solely to beat Izu up.)

Those are just the eight things I can think of at the top of my head, as to why Bkg doesn't deserve to be anywhere near Izu let alone have the privilege of calling Izu his first name.

Todoroki, Iida, Uraraka, Aoyama all deserve that privilege more being Izuku's true friends and it would show their bond closening over time which would have been nice to see.

Izu of course is Todoroki's first friend and Todoroki being as blunt as he is could have asked for the privilege of calling Midoriya his first name while offering his own after inviting him to his home which would have been nice to see.

Uraraka is meant to be the love interest canonically so having her only ever canonically call Izuku "Deku" really puts a sour taste in my mouth. Have her instead like Iida insist on calling Midoriya his last name at first then she could as their bond grows (and they become besties) offer her first name to him.

Iida of course is a bit stricter but it would be nice to see him soften to Izuku and offer his first name as well.

The Aoyama reveal should have been built up more by give Yuuga more screen time - we should have seen Yuuga POV on Izu's situation and focused on their parallels. I would like to have seen Yuuga offer his first name to Izuku and them have that close bond.

With Bakugou he doesn't ask for the right to call Midoriya his first name even after the apology - he just takes it without asking.

Because Bakugou, the abuser he is, believes it to be his right to do so. That signifies to me that, coupled with all his other actions, despite what the narrative wants us to believe he hasn't changed at all.

[femsolid]

“Maya contacted me for advice and support after her five-year-old daughter, Emilia, spontaneously disclosed that her dad, Martin, had been sexually abusing her and taking photos of her genitals on his ‘special camera’. This would be a horrible, devastating shock to any mother, but it was made even more complicated and harrowing because several years earlier, Martin’s ex-girlfriend, Debbie, had frantically tried to warn Maya that he was a sex offender, and was abusing his then infant daughter. 

Debbie had split from Martin and had tracked Maya down to tell her that he was a sex offender. Debbie was an experienced medical professional working in a hospital in the nearby city and had no reason to lie. However, Martin successfully convinced Maya that his ex was a ‘psycho’, a ‘bunny boiler’ and a ‘crazy ex’ who had remained obsessed with him since he broke it off with her. Debbie had a different story though, and tried to tell Maya that he was a violent and abusive man with a sexual interest in infant girls. She said she had tried to report him to the police but nothing had happened.

Maya was initially horrified and frightened, but Martin assured her that Debbie was delusional and obsessed. Debbie didn’t stop, though. “She turned up at my workplace, and Emilia’s school. She wrote letters and emails to me. Martin became more and more angry with her and encouraged me to report her to the police for harassment and stalking. After months of her not leaving me alone, she stopped and was warned by the police and given a restraining order.”

You can imagine Maya’s devastation when her daughter disclosed a couple of years later the exact thing Debbie had tried to tell her. By this point, Debbie’s testimony meant absolutely nothing – she was framed as a crazy, obsessed ex with a restraining order. Who was going to believe her? Maya couldn’t use her in criminal or family court because she herself had sought to prosecute her for her behaviour years earlier. Maya then found herself in the same shoes as Debbie, trying to report the abuse of her daughter whilst Martin left her for another woman and convinced her that Maya was his crazy, bitch, psycho ex who lied about him abusing his daughter for no reason. Suddenly, Maya was the crazy ex, and the new woman who quickly became pregnant with Martin’s second daughter was so scared of Maya that she would never speak to her, open the door to her or go anywhere physically near her (because she was so utterly crazy, who knew what she would do to the new woman in Martin’s life)

Keeping all of his exes apart by convincing them all that the others are crazy, obsessed psychos was a touch of genius – and worked wonders when the police came knocking. He easily turned the entire investigation on its head, to frame his exes as scheming, manipulative, calculated psychopaths who lie about him abusing his beloved daughter. In this particular case, Maya was subjected to months of psychiatric and psychological assessments which he demanded– and naturally, she was ‘found’ to be mentally ill, emotionally unstable, delusional, dangerous to her daughter; and Emilia was sadly removed from her custody and given to Martin and his new partner days before Christmas Day 2020.

“I told the police and social services because I thought I was supposed to. Now, they say these are all my own mental issues and issues from my childhood being projected onto Emilia and that I’m a perpetrator of ‘family violence’ because I am ‘projecting’ on to her. They even said I abused Emilia by letting her be interviewed by police and by the social worker. But I had no choice – I had to let them interview her.”

Maya, like many other women, found herself in the catch-22 where she would be pathologised and scrutinised if she didn’t report the abuse of her child, but would also be pathologised and scrutinised if she did. If she doesn’t report, she’s neglectful and dangerous. If she does report, she’s delusional and malicious. If she continues to report, she’s coaching her child. If she argues back, she’s mentally ill.

One of the most common stereotypes of a mentally ill woman is that of the crazy, obsessed ex-girlfriend (a story almost always told by men who claim to have done absolutely nothing wrong, but all of their exes are ‘psycho’). As an aside, I believe it is generally a huge red flag when men work hard to convince you that all of their exes are ‘psycho’ and you should not listen to anything they say. This is a common tactic used against women and girls who have tried to report or disclose abuse or harm. Framing a woman like this makes her instantly unreliable and discredited, which is deliberate, because whatever she might have to say is probably of great importance.”

Sexy But Psycho, Jessica Taylor

[britts-galaxy-brain]

Bitch no the fuck you haven't. You saw me hurting shortly after getting out of ONE RELATIONSHIP. I didn't date anyone else until after you and I stopped talking to each other.

I have nothing to do with most of my exes. At worst they were abusive and I don't want them anywhere near me or knowing anything about my life. At best we just didn't work out and went our separate ways. Either way, I don't smear them or spread their business all over the internet the way you fucking do.

The only "ex" I have that would fit your definition of what you consider to be "Vile, callous, and cruel" (read: speaking out and showing evidence of shit you actually said and did to me) would be you. And I'd like to reiterate once again to your emotionally violating fucking ass;

I AM NOT YOUR EX!! I TOLD YOU AND YOUR SOCKPUPPET NO MULTIPLE TIMES!

By you insisting on this narrative, you are ADMITTING to fucking sexual abuse! You were NOT OUT! You were identifying as a CISGENDER MAN! I was and still am a LESBIAN! You used my fucking trauma against me to try to FORCE ME to be in a goddamn relationship with you!

All of the above is in my chat logs. If you believe Lily Orchard over me, that says you never bothered to read the archives and are taking a sexual predator's smear campaign over her victim.