#i am alive! just haven't been able to be on lately

[a-little-ray-of-fantasy]

Barnaby facts (confirmed by the devs)

Hello! Since I was bored and it's making me so happy to see Barnaby getting so much love lately, I've decided to collect all the info I have about him! I most likely missed something, so if you have info I haven't put here, or got wrong, let me know, ok? ^^

Anyhoo, here we go! **}

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- Barnaby, despite his name, is not a barn owl. He's actually a long eared owl.

- Barnaby isn't his real name; he used to have a different one, back in his alive days. One of the drawings featuring him has him surrounded by many names starting with "B".

- Said illustration has "Who am I?" hidden among the names and words such as "Where" and "Help", hinting at something linked to his identity is torturing him.

- It's been stated that Barnaby is the way he is because of a dangerous experiment that corrupted then killed him, changing him completely as a result.

- Barnaby is asexual homoromantic, and is genderfluid: while he goes primarly by "he/him", he accepts any pronoun.

- He considers his Barnaboos as his "little pretties", and often offers help or advice if they need it; of course, his help may not be as helpful as he believes...

- He hates cheesecake.

- He's not a fan of rootbeer neither; he will serve it in his parties, but he personally won't drink it.

- His favorite food is eye scream, and favorite Halloween treat are caramel apples.

- As for ice cream, his favorite flavor is Strawberry Shortcake.

- Speaking of food, yeah, he doesn't need to eat, nor sleep. But still likes doing it anyway.

- Barnaby is a confirmed sleepyhead. He naps a lot, but never in an ordinary position, or in his bed; he tends to sleep in various gravity bending position, especially upside down.

- Meaning, yes, when Billie comes to steal his gem, he was sleeping!

- And when he sleeps, he apparently snores and hoots.

- While hugging him would result in a kill from him, Ash confirmed Barnaby is a hugger! Hugging him would still involve him squeezing or stabbing you to death, tho'. And he'd feel both soft and slimy to the touch.

- Barnaby is around 10-11ft tall, and with his size-shifting abilities, he can be any height he wants; when he was alive tho', he's as tall as Aristotle, more or less.

- He doesn't need glasses anymore, but sometimes will wear them because they make him look smart. They also tend to follow the eyes' movements.

- Barnaby is very emotional: while it won't stop him from trying to kill you, he will cry if he sees you cry. Ironically, he would comfort you until you feel better. Then he'll kill you.

- It's been confirmed that Barnaby's biggest fear has "already come true".

- His tears are orange, just like his eyes.

- Barnaby is not one to open his heart easily, but the moment he does, there's many ways to reach it. He's quite romantic, tho' not in the usual way: if you gave him a dead rat, he'd consider it a very romantic gesture!

- It's been stated he doesn't have a partner now, but in life, "maybe".

- When it comes to children, it's been confirmed he'd be the best caregiver alongside Dutch, althought for him "it's complicated".

- He apparently had a child of his own, if the picture posted about him during "Father's Day" is any indication. What happened to the little one hasn't been revealed yet.

- Apparently he's the least judgemental character in BBU!

- If he had a TV, it'd be old timey, and he'd watch something really random. Like ducks.

- Barnaby loves small critters; Ash specifically mentions they always linked him with guinea pigs. And indeed, Barnaby had a science guinea pig co-worker once, that turned into an actual guinea pig because of a reckless experiment, and he took care of them.

- He's able to control reality; it's unclear if it's his gem's doing, or his magic power as a ghost.

- In any case, he's now the most powerful character in the game

- Back in his alive days, he was a magic researcher and scientist.

- He actually owned the gem before he turned into a ghost. He even experimented on it, and it's suggested that actually sealed his fate.

- A lot of songs from Oingo Boingo and Lemon Demon fit him: Ash specifically mentioned "Weird Science" as really "Barnabycore"

- Barnaby is autistic: he stims by hooting and flapping his wings when he's excited.

- When he's scared or nervous, he tends to cover himself with his wings.

- Katie said that, if he were a candy, he'd be a sour blueberry.

- Barnaby lives in his own dimension, with his own mansion and everything. And he can travel between realities. Although one comment from Katie suggests he's trapped in there, but it's too early to say for sure.

- According to the devs, he was inspired by Weird Al Yankovic, Lewis from Mystery Skulls and Discord from MLP.

- No, he wasn't inspired by Snatcher, since the development of BBU has lasted longer than A Hat in Time. The two of them canonically know each other tho': only problem is, Snatcher hates Barnaby's guts and finds him too clingy, while the owl adores him.

- He canonically knows Wally Darling from "Welcome Home" and Kira from "Far Fetched" too, since he can travel between realities.

- Barnaby has his guests come to his home by portals that pop just below them. He apparently has kidnapped people before, every once in a while.

- He'd get along well with Dutch.

- It's left vague whether he knows Fantoccio or not.

- He actually has never met Arthur nor Aristotle before the game.

- In any case, he'd find Aristotle really funny, and wouldn't take them seriously.

-- Barnaby is aware of the player, and can break the 4th wall. And that's why only he can use Twitter.

- Whenever he writes on Twitter, hE WRiTSE LIkE THIS!!!

- Barnaby is REALLY mischeavous, and finds no problem in cheating in games. But if YOU cheat, then he gets ticked off.

- This suggests he's also a sore loser.

- Judging by his expression in the cutscene, he doesn't like being interrupted.

- It's been confirmed he smells like meldew. :P

- He could fake glitching out, then attack the moment you come to check out what's going on with him.

- He HATES party crashers. Also scarecrows: not good for conversations. And he's not interested in their crops.

- He can play the organ: Katie even suggested that if you hear it in the background of his chapter, that's him playing it.

- He was a young prodigy, back when he was alive!

- Don't be fooled by his goofy antics: he's very smart, still loves making experiments and can speak a lot of languages.

- Ironically, he hates skulls: he finds them icky.

- He was 25-26 when he died; he's been dead for 100+ years.

- Time is very important for him: that's why there's so many clocks in his parlor. It's been suggested he sees partying as a way to keep track with time.

- Despite that, Barnaby himself in the contest video has briefly stated he tends to forget what year it is.

- There's tons of pictures in his manor: all of them depict him, suggesting he's good at painting.

- Katie has noted that Barnaby "remembers everything". When asked if there's something he'd rather forget, they stated that "what he wants and what he needs are very different things".

- His family is "infinite", apparently. Then again, one of his very early descriptions stated he's got no friends nor family to speak about...

- He's been described as "self interested"

- When asked which character had the most trauma, without giving hints about being traumatized, Katie confirmed Barnaby as the answer, even stating his story makes them the saddest, alongside Fanto's.

- His favorite color is pink!

- He can change himself into lots of animals, and can even clone himself!

- When asked if he can talk to his alive self, Katie said it's "technically possible".

- Back when he was alive, he was noted as a dork and a hardworker, so much so he'd even pull one-nighters before making speeches for his research. Katie jokingly suggested that's why he parties so much: it's to make up for lost time!

- He had a different way of speaking, back when he was alive. And his icks were probably different as well.

- When he gets overwhelmed, he has a shutdown, and goes completely silent.

- At early stages, Barnaby was supposed to be a bug.

- The moment his design as a ghost was chosen, he went through a lot of palette options, like a pale blue color like he came from "The Haunted Mansion", or all colorful like "Dia de los Muertos". Ultimately they settled for his currently shadowy look because, not only it's easier to animate, it was in line with his backstory.

- Barnaby can melt. It's still unclear what triggers such a reaction, but some pictures hint that it's tied to his psychological state.

- Barnaby has been noted that he can talk fancy, but he's not eloquent.

- His favorite dance is the charleston!

- Ash has stated that in the game he is going to be depicted doing something similiar to "singing himself to sleep".

- Apparently he still makes pellets from his mouth. Dead or not, he's still an owl.

- He often puts emphasis on words, sometimes even making his bowtie spin.

- In the latest Twitter post featuring him, when you decode the garbled message, you can read: "Barnaby lies Along in his thoughts, Resting On the floor Neglected". Not only this hints at his turmoil, it also hides the word "BARON". It's unclear if it's his name, a title he possessed, or someone or thing else entirely connected to him.

- He loves recieving scretches on his head.

- Barnaby can cook, but he'll more often than not leave that to the Barnaboos.

- He's not that interested in gardening, even tho' he owns a greenhouse.

- He'd enjoy playing "Luigi's Mansion"!

- In Super Smash Bros. he'd main Meta Knight, even relating to him.

- He'd happily accept smoochies, apparently!

- His favorite party game is "Pin the tail on the owl".

- If you are his friend, he'd consider it even more of a reason to stay in the manor and never leave!

- He has claimed that he's used to give himself self love and compliments, since no one else does it. That, and his tendency to ask others for hugs or if they need a hug to calm down, suggests he's affection starved.

- He tends to react to compliments from fans by smiling bashfully, or happily shouting that he's popular.

- Katie stated that his favorite movie would be something unexpected, like "Marnie & Me" or "Up".

- Barnaby can see everything from the eyes of the plushies that look like him. So, if you bought one... watch out...

- Among his early designs, he also looked like a completely different owl, tall and austere looking, who was the guardian of the forest. It was changed because the devs wanted a goofy boss that could stand out among the others.

- Having said that, it seems Barnaby was the last boss to be officially revealed, and initially the game only had Elaine, Dutch and Fantoccio as the main bosses.

- Barnaby LOVES puns. A good deal of the lines he says when you get defeated in his chase contain a pun.

- You try being slick by stating you want to die of old age? Too bad: Barnaby will make you age rapidly. Despite that, Katie confirmed he doesn't have time related powers...

- Katie and Ash confirmed Barnaby can fly. And such a sight is apparently really hilarious.

- Barnaby loves shiny trinkets: if he sees a sparkly thread, he'll fixate on it and will follow its movements. It's like with a cat following a laser.

- Barnaby has teeth; they're orange and sharp, and come out when he's ticked off, or especially devious.

- When he was alive, he only used he/him pronouns. He became comfortable with all pronouns after he died. He's always been interested in men.

- This goes without saying, but still: he operates on cartoon logic. He can use both his wings AND his feet as hands. Even both feet can act as hands, even when they appear off camera. How? Because it's Barnaby and he can do anything he sets his mind into!

[vrmxlho]

hii kira !! do u have any hcs for sae abt how he would be as a bf?

SAE ITOSHI 糸師冴

if sae were a love trope he would 100% be belated love epiphany

"i never realised how much i loved them until they were gone." type beat yk

like pride and prejudice, except he's elizabeth and you're darcy ??

where you confess first and he rejects you but once you're not near him he realises that he really did love you

or when he saw how loaded you were, you be the judge (kidding)

y'all already know i think he's a good cook. like he was in spain for ages you bet he picked a few things up. cuz idk about spanish men but ik most italian men know how to cook and well.

he pours all his love into everything he makes, probably his love language honestly.

but he'd never let you know he's cooking for you because he cares

"you look like a ghost have you been eating properly?" "oh, no. unfortunately, i haven't found much time to cook lately..." "how bothersome. am i gonna have to take you all the way to the hospital when you faint from anemia?" "but i'm not even anemic..." "you will be if you don't eat your spinach." "..." "you know what. since you're so incapable i'll just cook for you." "excuse me??"

forgive him, he's just a bit of a cunt, but he loves you i promise

(also if you didn't know fun fact: preparing a homemade meal for someone is akin to confessing your feelings to them)

he's not much for PDA in fact in public he has his same, stupid, emotionless, deadpan face that is so punchable (affectionately?)

but when you're at home he'll find any excuse to lean his whole bodyweight on you

he also loves leaning in to kiss you and then reaching behind you to grab something or whatever, just to leave you flushed and stressed the fuck out

annoying asshole

he also gets very touchy when tired, if you're sleeping next to each other he tends to end up hugging you close to his heart by the time you wake up

he may not seem it but he would genuinely do anything for you

he tends to ignore most messages/texts/emails unless they're super important but he'd reply to you the second you text him

or even if it's a silly tweet

@you: there are 2 many ppl at this café 😞 @officialsaeitoshi: send me your location i got you your usual @you: ayo, how did you have it prepared n everything 😭 @officialsaeitoshi: spidey senses

he also has the most deadpan, sarcastic humour known to man

he's horrible (just my type)

nothing that comes out of his mouth is to be trusted

beware!!!

he is the no.1 gossiper alive, he knows everything about everyone's business even if he looks like the type of person who'd never think of anyone other than himself

somehow he's both at the same time

he could go hours talking about this random guy in his club who's actually the secret son of a drug lord and who ran away from home to save himself from imminent death...

what???? how does he know this?

i'm pretty sure he doesn't know either, anyway

he loves his lil self care night routines

you both sitting on the sofa talking about life (actually it's just him talking and you listening but whatever)

sae itoshi was an evening person. not because he felt most productive then. and not because he enjoyed the peace and quiet of the city. but because he enjoyed his night routines with you right next to him every second. you'd sit on the sink sill as he gently passed a finger with clay on it over your face as you kept talking about your day. "and then when i went to get coffee there were just so many people at the café it was such a hassle. this guy–" "shush. do you want clay in your mouth?" he kept swiping the remaining clay mask on your now stationary chin. once done he lifted you and walked to the sofa. this was no new routine. this was the only way he was able to unwind. with you next to him, just talking about the little, almost meaningless things. "i read somewhere that your coach is having an affair is that true?" you didn't know why you kept instigating him. it was late and you knew if he began talking now he'd only finish once the sun rose or your wake up alarm rang. but seeing him so animated was a rarity so you had to take advantage anytime you could.

now for how he confessed

at first when you confessed he rejected you and didn't think much of it at all

until he started noticing the little things about you, he started obsessing with every bit of you

how you looked, how you dress, how you style your hair

but also how your under eyes crease when you smile

how you're very picky with your food, especially dessert, but you'd eat anything if someone handmade it for you

how you're so patient when you tutor even if the person is being a dumbfuck

after obsessing over everything you did for about a day or two he was sick of the weird, nauseating feeling in his stomach

it had been about three days since the confession. being rejected right on the spot, especially in that cold manner was painful to say the least. but you were sure you had gotten over it. and you hoped with all your heart that he too had forgotten. he had just stood there as you finished telling him how he made you feel and how you had liked him for a while now. he had a horrible scowl on his face, arms crossed and an uninterested posture. you already knew what the answer was when you were done but it hurt so much more when he finally confirmed it all. so it was surprising when you saw sae march up to you as you ate your lunch with your friends. he had the same horrible scowl on his face from before. and you could feel your stomach drop as he pulled your wrist in a gruff manner. careless. he didn't care for you. "itoshi what are you–" he finally stopped once you were in a quiet corner behind the main building, away from curious eyes. "we need to talk." "about what?" "i couldn't sleep." "ok..?" "i couldn't stop thinking about you." "oh. i'm sorry if my confession made you uncomfortable. i didn't mean for it to bother you so much." "yes. it's so bothersome. now every time i see you with anyone but me, it hurts. i can't stand hearing about anyone but me, from you. i don't want you to think of anyone but me."

and then you were just like 😧🫣😏🤩

if you think rin's dramatic just WAIT until you talk to sae he's insane

THE BIGGEST drama queen (i hate him)

although i do think he is secure about himself and knows you wouldn't ever hurt him

i feel like he does have abandonment issues (a bit)

like imagine going through your teen years without family in a foreign country, you'd feel isolated no matter how many friends you made or how nice your host family was

he tries not giving any external reaction so you barely notice at first but every time he sees you with someone, looking a bit too friendly, he always feels his heart tighten

he's very gentle when kissing you

it's not like he's super strong or anything (mans is tiny)

and it's not that he's scared to hurt you, he just doesn't wanna appear too possessive or anything

favourite places to kiss you: why do i wanna say your waist, also knuckles

no idea why i just feel like if he weren't allowed to kiss your lips for any reason he would kiss there

but he definitely needed you to initiate the physical contact when you first started dating

speaking of which

dates with sae

100% movie nights, or just staying at home in general

mans hates going out if it's unnecessary

although, if you want anything he'd do it for you in an instant

or when he's feeling extra energetic

he'll take you dancing; this can either be ballroom dancing (which makes you cringe a bit but it's fun), salsa or literally just clubbing

i think he secretly loves clubbing at techno clubs (is that what they're called?) he hates commercial music cuz it just gets so repetitive

ideal vacation destination: somewhere isolated

like a random island in greece

or some forest in south america

idk man

he absolutely hates tourist destinations, tourists are his no.1 worst enemy

that's why you always end up going on holiday at random times of the year

"hey love, take a few days off next week. we're going to bora–bora." "it's the middle of march..." "not in bora–bora." "that's not how it works..." "i've already bought the tickets and spoken to your boss so you really just have to start packing."

now about pet names

he generally doesn't like them and thinks they're cringe and annoying

which they can be if used excessively ig

he tends to call you by a nickname or just your name

he only uses pet names when he wants something or has something to tell you that he knows you'll be angry/annoyed about

like the fact he planned a whole trip to bora–bora in middle of march and didn't tell you a thing 😞

however, if you're open about how much you hate him doing things without involving you he will change his ways

he's a quick learner after all ❤️‍🔥

[jbird-the-manwich]

I was talkin to a friend about covid yesterday and like... I haven't seen a lot about it lately but talking about it got me thinking about how absolutely fucked up and freaky, in hindsight, my last bout of covid was, like... if you've not had it/been asymptomatic, I love that for you, but like... seriously. do still be doing the masking if you can, avoid crowded places with poor ventilation as you're able, try to keep a handle on not letting strangers breathe directly on you, etc. I got the shit last year, before thanksgiving, KEPT it till this spring, (long covid) and it fucking sucks.

Like. It SUCKS. it SCARY sucks. I had nausea, chest pain, tachycardia, extreme weakness and fatigue... like... I had OG-covid, back in 2020, and another couple bouts in the years since then, but that last one? that particular Covid was not fucking playing with me.

That shit tried to kill me. I had a fever so high I was having delirium. I didn't experience any weird horniness, like in the meme, personally, but I did have weird SCARY neurological symptoms, I was so nauseated I wanted to die, the fever (which was recurrent, and intermittent, at 104f, for *months* off an on) had me acting fucking weird, I'd get nauseus, then super aggressive and fighty, had episodes of extreme confusion, not being able to remember simple words and phrases, (I don't mean standard adhd either I mean I could barely talk coherently at times, when I wasnt fucking losing my shit rambling about nonsense) random crying spells, tremors, inability to stay awake, It affected my memory, my ability to walk, and still affects my basic levels of strength and ability to do shit.

for real the shit is serious. I went to the hospital and my tachycardia was so bad the nurse pulled my sister aside (who is not authorized to receive any information, btw) and told her not to let me leave the hospital because they thought I was going to have a heart attack. Cuz my heart rate was so fucked from the fever. I was fucking holding on to walls and shit, could barely walk, I was taking phenergan so consistently it straight up stopped working, and I'm negative, now, but like... I lost 20 lbs by the end of it. No shit. from 151 to 129. and I'm still not entirely better.

I'm still having memory issues, I barely remember the last year aside from bits and pieces, and the fatigue is fucking unreal. like. I was *stout*, pre-covid, and had a pretty solid vocabulary, and now I feel like half my brain is missing. my energy levels are on the upswing, but that's taken months, and I'm still not half as strong as I was before I got that last round last year, so like... I know not a lot of people are masking, and very few people are still talking about it, out and about, but like... seriously. it is real. It is fucking debilitating. it can affect your goddamn brain.

Do try to avoid getting that shit. I would not recommend it. As diseases go? It's a total bitch. wear a mask if you can. I was a *very* fit, quite strong 30-something, built like a brick shit house, and I lost almost *all* of my muscle mass, and it feels like I got *extremely fucking dumber*. I had projects I was working on, and I don't remember how they were supposed to go together. in the span of less than a year, cuz fuckin covid set up in my (vaccinated) body and was like "oh, I think I'll stay". So yeah. not a hot news topic, right now, anymore, but... for real. It is still there, and it will fuuuuuuuuuck your whole shit up. I am *still* having to have blood panels run, pretty much every doctor I see is just like. "huh. Well that's... pretty shitty..." And I mean im very lucky. I'm alive and mostly undamaged, barring a couple things, but yeah. It is for real still a thing and will totally wreck a whole ass year, if it takes a mind to, so... try to avoid it, where you can. Get vaccinated, if you're not, wear a mask, if able, and don't listen to the people that aren't taking your safety into consideration in their rationale for not taking it seriously as a potentially debilitating disease, particularly if you have any kind of pre-existing risk factors, including previous covid infections. I don't wanna scare anybody but like... the shit is real and it will lay you low, is, I guess, is the point I'm trying to make.

[nomoreusername]

In My Heart

Pairing:Newt x gender neutral reader

Summary:When survivors guilt hits you extra hard one night Newt comforts you.

By the time I realized it was happening I couldn't do anything to stop it. What seemed to be a million tears poured from my eyes.

Even though it was late I didn't want to be here. I don't cry so doing it near people feels wrong. I'm the optimist.

How can I be optimistic now though? Every time I close my eyes I remember those I've lost, and it takes everything inside me not to scream. Sometimes I am filled with nothing but guilt that I get to live, and my friends are dead. It's nothing more than the luck of the draw. If Gally hadn't gotten stung Chuck would have lived, and he might have. If Winston was immune he could be able to wake up tomorrow. If Minho wasn't in danger Jeff wouldn't have saved him, and so on.

So what did I do differently to deserve to live?

As these dark thoughts overwhelmed my head I started pacing. Despite it being dangerous I needed to be alone. I was just sick of being around everyone breathing right now.

Because I am one of those people. I am alive, and almost everyone else I knew is dead.

I found a small rock and leaned against it. As I did I let it all out. Every single emotion I hid was finally here, and there was no stopping it.

My heart felt heavy as I sat there below the stars. Were my friends stars now? Were they in the sky watching me? Did they hate me for living or were they looking after me?

"Hey,"Someone whispered, tapping my shoulder. I wiped my eyes and turned around to see Newt with a solum look on his face.

"Hi,"I managed to say.

"Can I sit?"He asked quietly. I just nodded before staring at the ground. My friends could be in the ground right now, rotting and on their way to becoming skeletons.

"Survivors guilt,"He whispered. I hesitantly nodded.

"How did you know?"I mumbled.

"It comes to everyone sooner or later,"He whispered, closing his eyes.

"I just-don't know what I did to deserve to live. They fought just as hard to live. What sets us apart?"I mumbled, pulling my knees to my chest and wiping my eyes.

"Do you really want to know what makes us different than them?"He asked slowly, sitting beside me.

"If you have an answer then please,"I murmured, feeling more and more drained each second.

"Nothing,"He stated.

"What do you mean?"I whispered, glancing up at him and looking at him through my blurred tears.

"It was luck and circumstance. It's sort of a messed up circle. Gally getting stung killed Chuck which killed him. Minho being in danger killed Jeff. If Winston was immune he'd be here. The people who stayed v.s the people who ran, both options were unclear. It's dumb luck and the different reactions. Nothing more. Nothing less,"He answered, his voice gentle yet firm and sure of himself.

Hearing him say what I had always been thinking seemed to pull just an inch of pressure off of my chest. I had feared that there was something wrong with me. Still, there was another thing I needed and answer for.

"Do you think they hate us for it?"I asked.

He didn't say anything. Instead, he placed his arms around me and pulled me into his chest.

"I can't answer that, but I can tell you this. They're our friends. Some of them gave their lives for us. That's the way we want to remember them. Not their death but who they were. Strong, loving, and kind,"He whispered, rubbing my back. I couldn't help but tremble as I was unable to respond.

"They haven't left us, Y/N. They never will."

"How could you be sure of that?"I asked, not moving away from him.

"Because as long as we carry them in our hearts we carry them with us."

"I always will,"I swore, seeming to run out of tears.

"I know, love. I know,"He whispered, pressing a kiss to my forehead. I leaned against him and felt exhaustion start to overcome me.

"Go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up,"He promised. I took his word for it and allowed my eyes to flutter shut.

Only months later I would have to keep his words with me more than ever. Because unfortunately the only way I ended up being able to hold him was in my heart.

[ameraine]

「 2021 」

Two days left...

[LIFE UPDATE]

I am alive! Just been really rly rly rly rlyyyyyy busy with college (it's my last year!!) I've also been boothing at a bunch of local conventions so drawing merch and school (esp thesis) has been eating my life away so I haven't been able to draw much fanart :')

I've also been getting into 18TRIP lately! I love it sm I'm considering including it in this acc as part of my 'main' fandom (i love it THAT much hhh)

Anyways, posting some old Muku art for his special day <3 I wish I could draw new stuff but irl things are holding me back orz

[EDIT]

It's supposed to be 2 days woops.... my sense of time is very broken with the continuous all-nighters *dissipates*

[chiscribbs]

Apocalypse Future Donnie Concepts

I wasn't actually planning on posting these until I had a definitive final design to share alongside them, but- It's probably going to be a while before that happens and I feel bad for how inactive this blog has been lately. I've been working on stuff, but only in-between projects, and none of it is really ready to post. So, here's a little something to prove that I am still alive. ❤

Donnie's design is so hard to update. It's just...so good in its simplicity??? Every element feels necessary to his character - so figuring out what to keep, what to get rid of, and what to change slightly is a definite challenge. It's even harder when we're given so little (canonical) information about what role he played in the Resistance and what effects the Krang Apocalypse may have had on him...including how long ago he was killed in relation to the movie. Or how he was killed, for that matter.

So, I'm playing around with some potential ideas and trying to get something that feels right - feels like Donnie, but if he had to adapt to the apocalypse (while also trying to stick to the show's simplistic, shape-heavy style, so nothing too terribly detailed or complex.) I'll share a few of these ideas below, for anyone who's interested.

(Also, yes - I know the spot-goatee is in no way an original concept, but I have a deep affection for it and had to include it in my design.)

One of the concepts I'm considering is giving Donnie a prosthetic leg, something to sort of parallel Leo with his Robo-Raph arm. But in Donnie's case, he probably lost his leg long before Raph was killed or maybe even before he built the robots of his family (maybe this serves as the inspiration or catalyst for the idea.) My working theory is that he was attempting to detonate a mine field full of some Krang dogs and something went wrong which caused him to get caught up in the resulting blast. He was lucky enough to keep his life, but lost his leg and probably some of his hearing in the process. Naturally, because it's Donnie (and because they're living through an apocalypse), the leg will be more than just a prosthetic limb - it'll have some kind of weaponry or technological capabilities built into it. Just haven't decided what that's going to be yet, lol.

I'm also toying with the idea of him creating some kind of "Ninpo Protection Device" - something to act as a defense mechanism against the Krang's mystic-cancelling (or, more accurately, locking) abilities. He's testing it on himself before green-lighting it to be used on his brothers (which, obviously, never happens.) The problem is I can't decide how to visibly convey this idea, I was thinking something along the lines of one of those medical aid devices that become permanent attachments to the user's body. But most of the visible parts of his body are covered in natural armor, save for his limbs and head. So figuring out the best placement for a thing like that has been a little challenging.

I was considering giving him a mechanical hand along with/in place of the robotic leg, as well. Reason being - he works primarily with his hands and almost never wears practical protection gear (another thing I tried to partially remedy with the addition of the gloves), so if any part of him is going to be lost, his hands would be the logical first choice. I also think there's a poetic element to the guy who relies on his tech becoming more and more "mechanical" himself (but only in the physical sense). It would also imply that there was a time when he couldn't work as efficiently on his own as he normally is able to, due to having one less hand, so there was likely an adjustment period wherein he had to lean into his mystic abilities (and the aid of others around him) far more than he's used to doing. A little background character development for him, because I love that kind of stuff.

These are about all of the definitive concepts I have for him at the moment, but obviously, I'm nowhere near having a finished design just yet. So, all of these could potentially be scrapped or tweaked in the final version.

If you read this far - kudos! And thanks for your interest! :>

[cinnamon-irl]

where were you been?!! Maybe this question has crossed your mind, if not, that's okay (0_0)

I haven't been looking here much for a long time and I haven't shared any academic posts for quite some time. [ cause my academic life over]

~*NOT YET done !! ok , don't be dramatic. I was just on summer vacation. I was nervously waiting for my exam results to be announced. -my old followers know that I took the university entrance exam- I also entered a comfortable period after a long time and was able to feel alive again. During this process, I gave myself time to do nothing. I was just with myself and enjoyed it. I didn't feel like doing anything anymore. (In this process, I am devoted to psychology content, writings about our feelings and self-expression. I hope to produce more conversation-personal development style content with you in the future.)

The good news is: I am now a university student!! I will study business administration in english. (maybe you know that I really want to study psychology, my first goal was to study psychology but now I am happy that I am in a different field that I want)

As you know, with the arrival of autumn, the academic term has started again, and I also need to prepare for the English preparatory exam. I will go to university at the end of September.

Our aesthetics for this training period: I plan to be Dark Academia and Downtown Girl

[For this reason, I think inspiration boards and the content I share here will be useful.]

I've been watching series and listening to music lately. I've never watched Stranger Things before and I finished season 4 in about two weeks🥹 Filming for season 5 is ongoing. If you have any theories about this, let's talk in the comments.

XOXO 🥀🎼📎

[archiisfandomstuff]

Watchting marble hornets rn (like the entries on youtube) hopefully this won't alter my brain chemistry or some shit cause I know that mh and creepypasta are somehow link (idk they seem to share a few characters like hoodie, masky, and slenderman from who I know) and we already know I haven't been able to escape that shit for the past almost four years now.

will update later

read at your own risk. this just turned into me recording all of my thoughts n shit

currently at entry #5 and does not seem to have much if anything to do with mh but rather it's creator. Entries #1 , #4 & seem to have the most horror esce (?) shit to them

Entry #6: What the ever loving fuck is going on here??? What is Mr. Clean doing, the big ol' stalker? very confused but intrigued.

Entry #11 is bothering me cause I can't find the "close encounter Alex missed" with who I am assuming is slenderman like no fucking wonder Alex missed it, I can't find this mf either

I'm guessing that this is some arg type shit. My guess as someone who takes a while to formulate proper explanations that I do not care to formulate rn and am going off of a vague idea based off of the little information I've been given is that this whole thing is an arg thingy named after the fake movie the characters are creating in where it is the origin story for the characters (Tim/Hoodie and Brain/Masky) I (we ig but I really never had much interest in them so idk much) know. Tell me if I am like astronomically off or smth.

So Tim is literally just A Guy? Dude has like no plot relevance. Why are y'all hyping him up so much????

I hope Jay realizes he is literally entering. No breaking though, some idiot left the door unlocked.

homeboy fell to the ground coughing and got up like "Nah, no time for dying, gotta unlock the door with a deadbolt." fucking idiot, dude is gonna die so bad

"I may go back eventually" DO NOT GO BACK YOU DUMBASS

ALEX WTF DON'T DO THAT JUMPSCARE SHIT TO ME I CAN DO GORE I CANNOT DO JUMPSCARES BITCH

NVM IT'S BRIAN BUT STILL DON'T DO THAT MAN

Jay's lungs are still dying good to know

Entry #19: OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT MASKY YOU BITCH WTH BRIAN OMGGGGGGGGGGGG THIS SHIT IS SO COOL THOUGH NGL

Wait did I fuck up who is who? Is Tim Masky and Brian Hoodie. That sounds correct now that I think of it. Eh, fuck it, I ain't editing shit.

How the fuck is Jay not dead as hell yet? Mf has plot armor never seen before. "Ima just break into this house here, steal shit, GO BACK, get attacked, and continue pursuing this shit." BITCH YOU GON DIE

JAY STOP GOING BACK TO THE HOUSE IT IS NOT YOUR ONLY OPTION HOLY SHIT YOU DUMB FUCK

Have you even seen a character so fucking dumb they just disappoint you? That is how I currently feel about Jay. "Oh shit, I just saw the masked guy who attacked me and broke into my home. Let's fucking chase him."

"I am never going back to that house again." FUCKING FINALLY BITCH

oh shit someone is fucking with the cameras

wtf does totheark mean or stand for???

Rip Jay's apartment

Entry #26 was definitely something. So, Alex is alive, has a roommate or two, has managed to evade Slenderman for a while judging by the fact that his appearance was surprising to both Amy (idk who she is but I can tell she has no knowledge of what is going on) and Alex himself. Jay, this is clearly a trap, idiot. But, I understand falling for it ig.

Jay is the main character. He is still alive and I have no clue how but i do wanna know what happened in those seven months.

WHO IS JESSICA??????

omg poor jessica (assuming she is telling the truth)

MASKY YOU SON OF A BITCH

updates will stop for now because it's getting late and I'm pretty sure I have shit to do tomorrow (can't actually remember) gonna continue watching. I left off on Entry #34

We back

Tim "I may have had my leg broken by a paranoid film student, but I shall continue to torment his best friend" Wright.

Alex is suspicious as fuck. Calling it rn, he did or is doing something.

Still do not trust Alex like holy shit dude. Jessica, run, you want no part of this bullshit. Run, girl, run!

I am very confused as to what is going on w8th Tim, but I know that mf can run, lucky bitch.

With the rate that these mfs are falling to the ground in coughing fits, you'd think that Slenderman causes asthma not insanity. Also, wtf was Tim doing there. I originally thought this guy had no plot relevance.

TIM'S STALKING COMING IN CLUTCH OMG BEAT HIS ASS TIM

Gotta stop for a bit again cause I'm doing stuff with my family for a bit. Be back later

OMG I'M DUMB TOTHEARK IS TO THE ARK WHY DID THAT TAKE ME SO DAMN LONG I THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE TO THEARK OR SOME SHIT IDK

OMG TIM NO THIS ISH'T YOUR FAULT SLENDERMAN IS JUST A RAT FACED BITCH

Why has Brian only crimes (from what I can remember) been like, so tame compared to what you would expect? This motherfucker seems to be routing for Tim and Jay, I think. "Wipe that stupid smile off your face." Alex says, referencing how, apparently, Brian was smiling at the knowledge that Alex cannot find Tim and Jay. Idk, I like hi so far even if the whole stalking thing ain't really my jam.

JESSICA MY GIRL NOOOOOOOO OMG NO

That was a shit show. BUT MY GIRL IS ALIVE I THINK AND THAT'S AWESOME.

FUCK ALEX FUCK SLENDERMAN LONG LIVE (RIP) THE HOLY TRINITY OF BRIAN TIM AND JAY IDC WHAT CRIMES THEY'VE DONE AT LEAST THOSE MFS TRIED TO FIGHT IT AND LING LIVE JESSICA THE MF WHO DIDN'T DESERVE ANY OF THIS SHIT (NONE OF THEM DID) I LOVE HER SM

I HAVE FINISHED MARBLE HORNETS NOW PREPARE TO SUFFER CAUSE I'M OBSESSED

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Image is of the comic book character Tank Girl, created by Alan Martin and Jamie Hewlett.

* * * *

My primary foci as a political writer have been feminism and climate, though twenty-five books in, I write about all sorts of things. If I haven't been posting a lot about climate lately, it's because for those of us in the USA the most important thing we can do for climate this season is elect Democrats to the White House and Congress.

Not all my writing is so overtly political, and I think beauty, pleasure, and joy are what we're doing all this for, including the moral beauty of universal human rights and absolute equality and a thriving natural world. I post poetry and images that sometimes have to do with those qualities or are just lovely in themselves. That is to say, this isn't a professional page focused solely on politics. Or it recognizes that everything is political and politics as such are just the surface response to the deep soil of culture, and I'm interested in the culture, in language, metaphor--and soil.

I'm also committed to hope, not as optimism, the certainty that everything will be fine, but as a creative, committed engagement with the radical uncertainty of the future, and the fact that much about the future is not predetermined but depends on what we do in the present (which is why I'll exhort you about climate action and other important things).

This passage from Orwell has long been my credo: “Anyone who cares to examine my work will see that even when it is downright propaganda it contains much that a full-time politician would consider irrelevant. I am not able, and do not want, completely to abandon the world view that I acquired in childhood. So long as I remain alive and well I shall continue to feel strongly about prose style, to love the surface of the earth, and to take a pleasure in solid objects and scraps of useless information. It is no use trying to suppress that side of myself. The job is to reconcile my ingrained likes and dislikes with the essentially public, non-individual activities that this age forces on all of us.”

(Rebecca Solnit)

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for never coming home or writing letters?

Why, hello everyone. So, I am not usually the type to talk about stuff like this, so please bear with me if this isn't as coherent or easy to read as other posts here. It's just that after a younger friend of mine told me about this forum I got interested. Y'know, went some pent of feelings, get some outside perspectives… Might be nice.

So, I (M, late teens) don't live with my family. In fact, I haven't been for years. When I was in middle-school I had a, let's call it, 'revelation' that I just didn't feel happy at home. See, I don't wanna brag, but I've always had a certain talent for sorcery, and my parents did value that. Just… Not in a way I felt comfortable with, I suppose. Thinking back, the attention and expectations they placed on me felt suffocating. I was expected to invest a lot of my time into studying the family craft, specifically dark magic, which never really was my "thing" to begin with. And when they didn't have me study, they would have me fight exhibition duels against the heirs of other clans as a show of power. For a while, it felt like I had no control over my life whatsoever. I tried to lock myself in the manor's kitchen or run off into the woods to relief some stress by baking or feeding the forest animals, but… doing that would always net me severe scolding punishment. I'd rather not go deeply into that part.

I suppose one day I just couldn't take it anymore. I took the advice of a child even younger than I was and left the manor, traveling the continent with nothing but the clothes on my back until I managed to get myself enrolled in a magic academy far away from my family home. And, I'll be honest, I never really regretted doing so. Ever since that day, I've felt so much more in control of my own life, so much more alive than I ever did when I lived under my parents' roof. I've been able to make a name for myself using my magic the way I want to and specializing in the things I like, and I feel I've really done well for myself. In all honesty,nothing I've done would bring my clan name into disrepute, quite the opposite, actually! But… I wouldn't know how my parents think about that.

I haven't been in contact with them since I've left. Not even once. I've thought of sending letters, but I wouldn't know what to write. After all, even know that I'm fairly well-known as a sorcerer in my own right, I still have no intentions of inheriting the family estate or carrying on the legacy of dark magic our clan is known for. So if I tried to contact them, what would they do? Would they ignore my letters? Would they reply with anger? Would they send an envoy to attempt to retrieve me and bring me back? Frankly, I'm scared. I could probably fight any hired sorcerers they send my way off easily enough, but… That's not what I want. I don't want to go back. There's nothing I want to do less than go back to the way things used to be before.

I guess what I'm trying to say is… I never meant to cause my family grief. But lately, I can't help but wonder if that is what I'm doing. I was the only heir, after all. I am happy with the path I've chosen in life, and I'm convinced it's what I needed to do for my own sake. But I also find myself wishing I could share the happiness I've found away from them with the people I had to leave behind… And I hate the thought that they might be hurt because of me. And sometimes I wonder if I'm not a little at fault for how things turned out after all, in a way.

So… What do you people think? Please, don't hold back. I expect your honest feedback.

~L.

[fernlessbastard]

first time using this ask thing heh and i don’t rly know what to say, but, as a casual tntduo lover to another tntduo lover, i desperately kindly ask what are your favourite fics? dont rly mind if its suggestive/smut, id still like to show dem authors love and support. as a trade offer, ill leave some fic recs on my next ask hehe :]

anyways been following u for a while now (on insta) and id like to say ur art brings me immense joy and never fails to inspire me. hope u and your partner have a nice day! bubye !

i know this aint a prompt or idea or concept but u just seem like a cool person that i want to interact with :]

Hiiiiii

My guy, I am so sorry, but I hardly have any recommendations...

Why? Well, I went to my AO3 account, and like a solid 1/3 of my history was completely deleted - as in the works were deleted. Additionally, I haven't been reading much lately, so I have no newer titles, unfortunately. But here's the couple I have:

there's always this thing that we're becoming. Brilliantly written, genuinely gorgeous, in character, etc - it is smut though (top notch smut, though)

I'm pretty sure I enjoyed TntDuo Content I Don't Want To Attach My Username To too - also smut lmao

Agape - NOT smut, for once, but never finished lmao

There's also this fic I am completely not connected to ha ha it's called Losing Face and while it is unfinished I heard that the author is doing this like kinda rewrite kinda reimagining sort of thing where tldr it's the same concept just executed better ha haa👀👀👀

Another one is real life au - it's VERY heavy though. Like, I had to stop reading it at some point cause it was legitimately just hitting too hard. It is well written, and it's supposed to evoke those emotions, but just be VERY careful with it. VERY tldr is that it's about Schlatt - Q's abusive ex - becoming Wilbur's sugar daddy. It is VERY dead dove do not eat, and deals with SA and s-cidal ideation. The fic is called Sugar Lips, but I won't put the link here cause seriously, it's fucking heavy - and in a very realistic way, not the fantasy "eating someone's heart while they're alive" type of thing, but in a "this happens to real people in real life" type of way. Idk if you still want to read it dm me for the link but yeah, just please stay safe, guys

And then there's one work which I cannot find for the life of me - I don't know if it got deleted or something but if it wasn't, tntblr please help me find it It was about Wilbur coming to Quackity when his stitches break. Once the guy stitches him up, there's a whole scene when Wilbur has a breakdown and Quackity helps him through it. Then I believe it's kinda this sort of "montage" of how Wilbur and Q kinda grow closer, and (spoiler alert) it ends with some event during which Sapnap and Karl show up and there's arguing and at some point Wilbur and Sapnap start fighting (physically) and Wilbur ends up beating Sapnap to death. It was so well written, and it was one of the earliest fics i've read, and i haven't been able to find it for a long, long time now

Anyway send me asks about absolutely anything, don't worry about it being "right" or anything - all asks are welcome, be it HCs, prompts, ideas, or just some appreciation, sharing something you like, a question to me, etc :]

[mysecretwindowuniverse]

"Remember when I told you you'd come around? You didn't believe me , silly little bird," "Jerome . . ."

This is cartoonishly late - like, this was originally supposed to be posted on Valentine's Day. Suffice to say, it's been a bit of an unexpectedly arduous journey to get this finally posted.

Back in the beginning of the year I spent about a month on this in total, from inception to completion. I'd just about finished, all the main piece needed were the final touches when my fiance got me sick. And I mean sick; hadn't been that ill in years, and I ended up losing more than a damn week to what turned out to be RSV. And subsequently missed Valentine's Day.

No big deal, I thought, I'll post it by the end of February.

Nope.

The setback of getting RSV turned out to only be the first in a line of setbacks, from getting sick a grand total of three more fucking times (not including the unrelenting menace that is allergies), unforeseen, extensive travel during the spring, followed by anxiety/existential dread over AI and the seeming impossibility to protect your artwork and the bitter hopelessness of the situation. So that kept me from posting. And then, to top everything off, came the travel-sickness-burnout-induced unexpected hiatus taken from this blog.

So yeah, it's been a long road.

But finally I was able to finish this piece - my first (completed) Gotham fanart! My original goal had been to post a semi-corresponding fanfic alongside the fanart, but on account of the aforementioned setbacks and a serious writer's block, that's going to have to wait. I'm still working on it! - but it's completion is seriously TBD.

In truth, I haven't done artwork this intensive in literal years, and it's been really great to get back into it. Like, I really threw myself into this; the urge to create just struck out of nowhere, and I fortunately had the time (and motivation) needed to see this piece through to the bitter end. And honestly? I'm really happy with how they came out!

Of course it's jeromewald, at this point, is it even a surprise, lol? What it says on this blog's header remains true - I do ship both nygmobblepot and jeromewald equally, but (both fortunately and unfortunately) of those ships, one already has an ocean's worth of phenomenal content, whereas the other is far more niche. So I figure it's best to create for the far smaller pair, supply what fresh content I can, and do my part to help keep this lovely fandom alive!

Can you tell I had Thnks Fr th Mmrs on a loop while making this?

'He tastes like you only sweeter' is an insane thing to say, and I feel it really fits a jeromewald x nygmobblepot love triangle. 'The love triangle from hell', one of my favorite things and the hyperfixation that has had me in a chokehold for years.

The pose is shamelessly inspired by that one Batman Catwoman cover (issue No. 9)

I can't say when the next fanart will be posted, but I am working on at least four others at the moment, so fingers crossed the creativity gods smile upon me and I'm able to churn more out over the next few months!

[icedmetaltea]

Just lettin ya'll know I'm ok

(random irl stuff to journal below, keep scrollin)

Wanted to wait to come back till

1. I wasn't dealing with mega gender dysphoria, my masc/neutral days are few and far between but by god it's been nonstop masc/neutral days lately and been a lot of just hating my body (and myself in general)

2. got the ebt stuff figured out, which I haven't yet, my doc put in a ref for a different place to sign a thing, waited 2 weeks for them to call, only to find out it was the wrong place and now I have to wait for the next place to call... which like yea I'm worrying about food but talking about it in therapy has helped somewhat. She reassured me even if that doesn't work we WILL find some place that'll sign the form I need to be eligible again

3. I wasn't dealing with as bad of depression/anxiety which like... idk. I've definitely been doing better anxiety-wise but idk if that's bc it hasn't been as hot lately or I've been feeding myself better. I know I must've been eating under 1200s calories the past few weeks bc the scale finally stopped going down and I know for a fact my anxiety gets bad when I'm hungry so I think for about a month I was unintentionally starving myself, SO making myself eat at least 2 nutritious meals a day now

At the same time I think perhaps my pmdd symptoms are... reversing time schedules??? Usually my anxiety/depression gets way worse before period but now it seems like it's fine before and terrible during/after????? Makes zero sense but who knows. Also it's a couple days late now so health anxiety is going off the shits about PCOS or something again UGH

Making SOME progress with therapy, am able to be outside for 5 mins without feeling that horrific sense of dread so that's something.

I've also been coming to the realization that I may have some form of DID?? Not the type where you lose time/blackout/completely have entirely different memories and starkly different personality switches but I've definitely been noticing now that I've been putting more attention to it how I go into different "modes" and sets of interests throughout the weeks and I mean... it's not secret I have imaginary friends I talk to on the daily. I've had an issue figuring out where "they" end and "myself" begins since childhood. Plus I already deal with derealization/dissociation/occasional age regression so it's not out of the realm of possibility. May bring it up next therapy apt. Kinda worried to bc I never want to get rid of them and I'm worried that would be one of the goals, like... just no. I can't think of anything more lonely.

But yea just random stuff I needed to get outta my system, sorry about all the suicidal stuff, it's just really hard. The future seems so bleak. And if one thing sets me back, like doctor stuff, food issues, etc my brain is like "DEATH WOULD BE EASIER LOL" BUT there's a chance trump/a republican candidate won't win, a chance climate change will be reversed/humanity will adapt somehow, a chance I'll be accepted for disability and live a halfway decent life, and if not... well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. But for now there's food in the fridge, for now mom and dad are alive, for now we're ok.

[torhues]

tooru oikawa.

"so, any other girl, or boy, you have your eyes on?" the question leaves your mouth almost too carelessly, words laced with your soft chuckle and a hint of witticism that leaves oikawa smiling.

you wonder if they're enough to hide your true emotions.

"yeah, actually, i do," his words resonate with the same emotions as yours, a smile dancing on his lips, the corner of his eyes crinkling as the notification of your battery reaching twenty-percent appears on the screen. "have had a crush on them for four years now,"

it's the same answer as always.

"you do?" your eyebrows raise up amusingly. "tell me more,"

"i think, i should confess with a bouquet of lilies," he says dreamily, as if he's living in a fairytale, about to propose the love of his life. there was a point when you were the love of his life, and you still are, because if not, why would he ever had spent his whole allowance on a bouquet of white and yellow flowers.

"and, take them out on a date night," because if he didn't love you, he wouldn't have borrowed money from iwaizumi to make reservations at the most expensive restaurant in the city to surprise you with a perfect dinner before leaving for argentina just three days later.

a minute passes, you admire his eyes, the way they shine bright at the sight of you. perhaps, they've grown a little dim, perhaps it's just the fatigue from a day long practice. you picture tracing your fingers down his nose bridge, then his lips, before cupping your face with his hands to pull him into a chaste kiss. you imagine yourself laughing with him amidst the kisses as his fluttering touches leave tickles down your waist, leaning against his forehead with your eyes closed, letting down all the worries from your shoulders.

you feel his fingers intertwining with yours, missing his touches that make you feel ever so alive. you have never stopped loving him, not even in your dreams, but you miss being in love, and perhaps it's a sacrifice you made to stay with him, even if it means you both have to stay thousands of miles apart.

"didn't know you were so romantic," you smile lazily, clock ticking to eleven thirty before you realise that it's almost bed time for you. new year would've been a little more special to you if it was with him, and if only time didn't separate you from oikawa, things would've been a little easier.

oikawa says something but you fail to hear, too lost in your thoughts to keep check of reality. you see his lips moving but you haven't got a clue, you're too busy admiring his features. you're drowning in the thoughts of him, while he's right in front of you.

maybe, long distance relationships tend to have that effect on people.

maybe, it's fine to think about the memories you made rather than focusing on the person you share those memories with.

maybe, it's fine to not yearn for the person anymore.

"i miss you," another battery warnings appears on your phone. "i want to hold you," you rush to find the charger instead of even paying attention at his words.

"i don't think i can ever love someone else the way i love you," you check under your duvets, on the table, run to the kitchen counter if case you've accidently left your charger there.

"i can't even think of loving anyone else," you check on the couch, under the cushions.

"because i don't want to spend my life with anyone, except you," and in the drawers, on the shelves.

"i think, i am . . . " the rest of the words never reach your ears because of the fireworks going off at a distance, illuminating the sumida river alongside your apartment in shades of red, green, and yellow.

"will you—" and your phone goes off with you in the middle of your living room. the sound of fireworks going off is the only thing you're able to perceive at the moment. the charger is in your hand, you realise you never heard what oikawa was trying to say. you realise that you're a little late.

they say, the flame that burns twice as bright burns half as long, and oikawa and you were the brightest of all. you don't think you've ever met someone like him, someone who is so similar and yet so strange, someone you think you know but there was always something new about him that made you fall for him even more. you would've said those words up until a few months ago, but now your heart doesn't beat the same way it used to, because oikawa is a little too similar that you think there's nothing more to him, and a little to strange that it makes you feel like no matter how much time passes and no matter how much you try, you can never get to know him completely.

maybe it's fine to fall out of love for the exact same reason you fell in love with.

maybe, it's fine to get bored.

the clock ticks to twelve fifteen; another year without oikawa passes, another year without him comes by, and you realise that this is how it's going to be for the rest of you life.

maybe it's fine to let go.

[litwtc-apocalypse-diaries]

day 139

[LOG BEGINS:] I have resumed my counting. As a prompt to keep my brain at least half working, I decided to think about the number 139. There isn't really much special about it. it's a 3 digit number. two of the numbers in it are divisible by 3. But there is just Something about it. Perhaps I truly am going insane. Shame, it hasn't even been a year yet. Though, the simple act of deciding to spend my time talking to a tape recorder to theoretically be used in some history lesson later is likely a sign of stupidity. In other news, my recording device is falling apart (ooc my computer is breaking on me), which is why this recording is so late. I haven't entered a log in a while. I am unsure why, as due to having no real company, this is my only form of getting my thoughts out to any theoretical audience. Well, I do have the mouse. I should really name it. Mouse is an insufficient name for the tiny friend. The loneliness is really getting to me, though. There must be others alive, as I've seen signs of life some times. I once had a travel group, I think. I woke up one day, though, and I was alone. I remember the color of the sky was wrong, and there were far too many doors.... .... .... Anyways, I'm trying to find others. Surviving will be much easier if we can establish some sort of base. Maybe, we'll be able to reconstruct society in the far far future. Signing off, [////////////] [LOG ENDS] [NAME REMOVED FOR LEGAL REASONS.]

[bunglegaydogs]

dazais plan

quick little ramble one

well this wont be quick

anyways

im fucking torn apart after the newest episode, because ive not been able to watch it until now because ive been busy.

anyways.

i am in shambles.

i know it sounds like wishful thinking, but i genuinely do think dazai has a plan. of course he does; asagiri isnt going to kill him off just like that without any good reason. unless there is a completely valid, reasonable, sound explanation, then no, i really dont think asagiri will kill dazai. there are too many unanswered questions, too many shut down paths should that happen. it'll pretty much tip the balance of the narrative slightly, shift the story. idk. anyways.

my point is, dazai cant die here. not like this. just like chuuya said when they fought lovecraft. this is not the place to die. they still have so much left to do together. he cant possibly leave him here now. not without a plan.

i just like to keep referring back to the lovecraft fight; "when have my tactics ever been wrong?"

this gives us a pretty clear indication that dazai's plans almost always follow through. we've seen instances where, no, they haven't. oda. 55 minutes. some parts of fifteen.

but these are all extreme cases. he could do nothing about oda, because he didnt know of moris involvement/plan. he could do nothing about oda, because oda had already made his mind up. he could do nothing about oda, because it was too late.

he could do nothing about gab, because gab had been changing the outcome of the entire thing using time travel; dazais no exception to that. if gab knows that dazai knows what he will do, he goes back in time and now knows that dazai knows what he will do, and can therefore get the jump on dazai, who is still in the stage of not knowing what gab knows. confusing lmao.

ANYWAYS SORRY.

my point is, only in the extreme cases where everything is doomed to fail from the start do dazai's plans fall through.

this is an extreme case where dazai's plan NEEDS to come through. it cannot crumble. the literal fate of the world depends on the agencys next moves, and they have to be careful and cautious of/about them. because, should they make one wrong move, everything's fucked.

and, that's the beauty of soukoku. the raw trust.

honestly, trust doesn't even put it into words.

it doesn't do their bond any justice. because it's so much more than that. they rely on each other, they exist within one another. they literally are one soul in two bodies. they exist WITH each other. there's no chuuya without dazai, and there's no dazai without chuuya. so, asagiri will not put chuuya into a world or a plan without dazai there, because they need each other. they need each other to be alive and well and fine. they need each other to pull through this, each playing their roles.

i dont know what kind of wack ass plan dazai has in mind. but i hope to god it comes through soon.

i think the anime really did ch 101 such a good fucking justice; something about that scene was so raw, so emotional, so beautiful. the colours, the expressions, the movements. i've always said this, but soukoku is like a private thing. whenever they're involved, it always seems like you're intruding on their moment. this is theirs. this isn't for the eyes of anybody else. the lack of music and the softness about the dead apple scene, the unity and trust and reliance in the lovecraft fight, the playful back and forth bickering when they rescue q, or at any other moment.

each and every moment between these two is something so special, so foreign and so delicate. like a glass flower. it's so beautiful, and it pulls you in. but you know better than to touch it so carelessly; you must handle it with care and attention. everything about this is important. each small glare, each tiny dent. each little glint in the light, each sharp edge, each smooth side. all of it is worth looking at, and all of it means something. even the most insignificant parts of it have a role to play in making it look so beautiful.

and that's what i think is so fascinating about soukoku. every small interaction, every dynamic, every word spoken between them; it all means something. even their stupid bickering. even their harsh glares. it's all important.

i may be rambling, but god idk. something about soukoku just makes me feral i guess.

the soft moments between soukoku are definitely my favourites.

dazai catching chuuya's falling body out of the sky, and laughing quietly about how he wants to doodle on his face. there's something so childlike and innocent, so pure about that. they get to be the kids they never got the be around each other. they get to relax, unwind. they get to live easy, and breathe easier when they're around each other.

the one panel of dazai gently holding chuuyas head as he rests in his lap. dazai gently cupping chuuyas cheek, nullifying corruption and taking away the absurd amounts of pain that chuuyas in. just in their own little bubble. quiet whispers. something about the way dazai makes no comment when chuuya collapses onto his lap once more, eager to let him rest. something about the way he smiles at him when he's not looking. something about the way he talks to others about him. something about the little comments he makes, without even mentioning chuuya's name, and everyone knows its about him (everyone being us ofc). something about the privacy of their partner/relationship, nobody else knowing the details. nobody else knowing how deep that trust runs between them. nobody.

it's just theirs. their little thing to have with each other. it's only theirs, and nobody can take it away from them.

not even asagiri.

because how can you rip someone's soul apart?

how do you kill half of a single soul?

anyways. im very tired. its half 4 in the morning right now, and im just so out of my mind and sad but happy about soukoku, and how much i fucking love them and their dynamic and could talk about them for hours. genuinely, it feels like i blacked out writing this, i just get out of hand and start going on and on and on and getting more fucking metaphorical as i go.

anyways, hope you enjoyed LMAO have a lovely day/night, wherever you are <3