#i been keeping this to myself because i am too scared to post them kiss

[goodold-fashioned-killerqueen]

i can't gatekeep this sketch to myself anymore,,,,,,,,,,

[roturo]

SUPER SHY megumi fushiguru x f!reader

summary: way too scared to make a move on your brother's best-friend.

warnings: nsfw, aged up characters, reader is yuuji's little sister, reader is shy, semi-public, sexual tension, bad pick up lines lol, not beta read, fluff?, not finished.

A/N: This was a draft I wanted to post before I went for a break, I didn't have the motivation to finish it, mostly because of how insecure I am with my writings rn, but I know myself, and I know I wouldn't post this one after my break and i'm sorry if I didn't finish it but here it is.

It's your second semester in jujutsu tech, and you can't still seem to stop looking for Fushiguro Megumi.

He's in fourth semester, class president, and quite popular in your classroom. Mostly because of how handsome he is and every girl is thirsting over him.

You never understood the hype until you saw him for the first time at your brother's house. It's been, what? nearly a year? They were doing a school project, more like he's doing a school project while Yuuji stayed playing videogames in the living room. He was wearing an oversized black crewneck with some jeans. Simple choose of clothes, but why does he look extremely handsome in them?

¨Uh... hi.¨ You entered the living room with no clue Yuuji would be here with his friend, at least he could notify you about having friends over so you could change into more appropriate clothes. But I guess some tiny shorts and your brother's T-shirt wasn't bad.

¨Oh! This is Megumi¨ He introduced you by saying your name and for him to know both of you are step-family.

Since then you could never take your eyes out of him.

You told your friends about him and how you could never approach him, even when he's in your house. Something about his aura made you really shy to approach him or even come out of your room to see him. And when Yuuji introduced you to Nobara so you could be 'shopping besties' things could'nt get worse.

Nobara is a great person, she's not the problem. It's her friend group. It's Megumi Fushiguro and his hot damn persona.

You couldn't even keep eye contact with someone else in the group when you go out, because you were fucking scared for him to see your loving eyes that you could swear they would leave those hearts from your eyes like cartoon's.

Nobara knew about your crush for Fushiguro, since she's like your older sister. And to say she didn't accidentally slipped your little crush for him on the cafeteria with Fushiguro and Yuuji present.... would be the dead of you.

At first, Yuuji wouldn't believe it, but then he would remember all those days at his house, going out, your little glances towards Megumi, and 'casual' questions about him... brought him back to reality.

Second, he went through 3 stages. Anger, emotion, and... confussion.

He was furious for the fact you had a crush on his best-friend, which later turned into a fantasize like the kissing booth, one of the movies Gojo-senseid made him watch. But... that brought him into what would he do? Is Megumi good for you? Would he protect you like he does? Will you be happy?

He had mixed opinions about this. Most of them were good, but two or three were bad. Maybe his anxiety?

And Megumi? well, he was confused.

He knows he has plenty of girls falling for him, but he never expected you to be one of them. He thought you were pretty, really, really pretty... but he could never do that to his best friend, could he?

He had kinda of a crush for you too, but never thought of going this far.

Days passed and the topic stayed untouched, not until Yuuji asked Megumi to talk alone.

And it was the most uncomfortable moment Megumi could go through.

¨I just wanted to tell you both of you have my blessing if you ever become something, a really nice couple, both of you are really smart and have a difficult character, not that matters. But I also wish you the best if you ever get married, OHHH how cute, could I be flower guy? Okay, that's a topic for the future, and oh! also- I ALSO give you my blessing to the both of you, mostly to the kid-¨

¨Yuuji, what?-¨

¨Both of you would have really pretty and powerful children, hoping they have more of my sister appearance rather than yours... but don't forget children are for later, LATEEER.¨

Megumi would never tell you about his feelings for you, unless you make the first move, but he's been interested in you since your transfer to Jujutsu Tech in Tokyo. You were just the cutest thing, always blushing and following behind him and Yuuji until you got into your house. You were never outspoken, but you would never let anyone walk all over you, the few times he's seen you fight seared into the back of his mind. The look of unshaken determination along with the way your body moved with your cursed technique had the front of his pants tighten a bit. He wants you, even to this day, but doesn't know exactly how to take that step forward.

You pause your eating for just a second to catch Megumi's eyes staring you down. Did you do something wrong? Did he no like the way you eat? There was little you could do that change that, honestly. As you feel your face brighten and your eyes widen, you feel your confidence swell. You're gonna change him off-guard.

This was it. You were going to say it despite all your classmates being in close proximity. You were never going to live this down.

"Y-You've been staring at me all night, Fushiguro-san... Rather than undressing me with your eyes, did you want to... take this somewhere private and take it off... for real? Don't... don't act like I don't know Nobara told you about my crush... Yuuji can't keep his mouth closed.¨

You're sure he doesn't even know your name and knows you as 'Yuuji's little sister'

But you were really nervous while thinking how to finally make him yours. So shyness can go for a little bit, and fuck it.

You can feel three sets of eyes burning into your stuttering and blushing head, your eyes glaring holes in the half-eaten rice bowl in front of you. You can't believe that came out of your mouth, although it definitely took you a while to get it out. You were way too embarrassed to even look him in the eye.

Megumi couldn't believe the sweet, innocent and shy image he had about you had actually said that, to him of all people. He could do nothing but stare at you in pure shock for a few seconds before returning to his neutral nonchalant state, watching you slowly simmer in your seat. Well, at least he didn't have to take the first step. He was definitely going to take you up on that tempting offer, but he couldn't say that in front of everyone. He knows they wouldn't leave this alone, pestering the two of you until you spill the details.

Feeling the awkward silence weighing down on your shoulders, you shoot out of your chair and turn to head to the restroom, where you will hang your head in shame for the rest of the night. "I, um... I-I'll be back." You make a beeline for the women's restroom, tucked away in a corner behind a few plants. You were definitely going to puke this time.

-

Back at the table, Megumi continues to eat his food, the only change since your departure being him eating a bit slower, trying to process the situation. You justly openly invited him to engage in sexual intercourse with you in front of your confused friend AND brother. Whether it be a joke or something more serious, he needed to hear it again clearly from your mouth for confirmation. The question is, how is he going to do that with you stuck in that restroom?

His entire train of thought crashes when he feels something cold drip on his shirt, his dark eyes darting down to see a wet noodle slowly sliding from its spot on his shirt to land on his dark jeans, another stain forming on the denim material.

"So, it DID have an effect on him." Nobara glares at Yuuji, who stares wide-eyed at his best friend before feeling his lips stretch into a grin. "[Y/N] finally shot her shot! Oh, my little sister grows up so fast!" The light-haired man hums happily before digging into the rest of his meal.

Megumi places the dirty noodle on a napkin before standing and turning to the restroom. "I'm going to check on her," he mumbles to his friends before walking briskly to the restrooms, missing the knowing looks between the patrons at the table. 

"Five bucks if they walk out together." "Deal....Wait, we're betting about my sister here..."

Megumi stands between the two doors, hesitant about entering the women's restroom. He didn't need unnecessary attention or worse, getting everyone kicked out and ruining their meal. However, the way you tried to keep eye contact with him as you stutter your way through your flirting had him listening more to his groin rather than his brain. With a quick prayer that he wouldn't get caught redhanded, he slips into the nearly empty women's restroom, seeing a pair of small feet at the very last stall.

You continue to sulk against the wall as you hear someone enter the restroom. You sigh softly, arms uncrossing to press your hands against your still blushing face. You could never face him again. You had one chance and you absolutely blew it. You were sure he was going to either ignore what you said or completely reject you on the spot. Your heart wouldn't be able to handle the response, so you decide to sneak out through the restroom window and text everyone a sincere apology.

You reach up to unlock the stall's door, pushing yourself to stand and slipping out to be face-to-face with Megumi Fushiguro, yelping as his hands press onto your shoulders and push you back into the stall. You can only look at him in shock as he locks you both in, the awkward silence from earlier crushing your lungs. Oh, no. He was going to reject you right now, wasn't he?

"Fushiguro-san, I'm really sorry about--"

"Did you mean what you said?"

Every word dies on your tongue as he closes the gap between you two and cups your face in his large hands, your body melding against his own. Holy shit, you were NOT expecting this development. A few dying wheezes leave your mouth before you realize your speaker box isn't going to work any time soon. You rapidly nod your head, feeling his grip tighten just a little.

"Good, because here's my answer."

You always wondered what Megumi's lips would taste like back when you saw him for the first. A hint of spearmint and cinnamon, honey and strawberries, hell you even thought he'd taste like cookies and cream ice cream. You can't focus on the flavor when the feeling is the only thing you're thinking about, his lips moving smoothly over your lips. Your eyes widen before you hastily respond, burying your hands in the front of his shirt.

This was blowing your mind right now. You couldn't believe he was here in the women's restroom with his lips moving sensually against your own and his hands reaching down to grip your hips, but frankly, you didn't care too much. You've dreamed of this moment for years and you were not going to let it slip easily. Throwing your arms over his shoulders, you lose yourself to him, trying to keep in all your little noises the longer you were connected.

The taller sorcerer pushes a knee between your legs, letting his hips slide between and his hands lift you up by your bottom, getting a good squeeze. You were as soft as he thought and dreamt of. You were going to be the death of him for sure. One hand slithers up your shirt to brush his fingers against your ribcage, feeling lace brush against his fingertips. He groans softly against your mouth, pushing his tongue inside to assert dominance and letting his second hand join the first when you lock your legs against his waist. No turning back now.

You gasp then groan as his hands grasp the tops of your bra and yank them downward, latching onto your fleshy mounds while his hips grind slowly against yours, feeling your underwear dampen from the stimulating touches and breath-stealing kisses. Speaking of breathing, you part lips from him only to release a filthy moan as he pinches and pulls at your hardening nipples from underneath your shirt. Looking up at him with glassy eyes and drool dribbling down the edges of your lips, you could feel his erection grow and press against you harder. You wanted him, right here and right now.

"F-Fushi--"

¨Megumi, it's Megumi for you.¨

¨M..megumi-¨

The sound of the door swinging open makes you two freeze, eyes wide as whoever enters the restroom walks to the sink and stays put for a while, assuming she was fixing her hair or makeup. You grind your hips down against the tense man, feeling his grip on your breasts tighten slightly before he slams his lips against yours again to silence you. The two of you stay fixed in that position for three minutes before the woman decides her appearance is worthy and leaves the room, gasping for air as you pull away from each other.

"We... we should leave, huh?" You chuckle nervously as he slowly sets you up, straightening his clothes before clearing his throat. You also adjust your clothes and run your hands through your hair, trying your best to steady the blood flow in your face. You were sure you were tinted even redder than before.

"We're going to my place. I hope you're ready." With those few words, he almost zooms out of the restroom, leaving you surprised yet turned on. He didn't reject you or ignore you. In fact, he reciprocated your feelings, about to show you a good time back at his place. You get your mind back together before finally leaving the restroom, walking back to your table to see Megumi handing Yuuji a few paper bills.

[footballfanficwriter]

Absent Father

Summary:where the reader is about to give birth and Jude is not home

"When are you going to be back?" I ask as I watch him pack his bag

"In a couple of months Love" he says

"Oh"

"But don't worry it'll be over before we know it"

"Can't you pull out of the squad and say you've got an injury or something"

"You know I can't do that, they'll examine my body to check my story out"

I sigh

"Hey, it's not that bad, we'll call eachother and face time, we're gonna be ok"

"You sound like you're trying to convince yourself"

"I'm trying to convince the both of us"

"Jude you know that I'm due any day now right"

"I know"

"And you won't be there by my side holding my hand or getting to witness the birth of your child" I say trying to hold back my tears

"I know baby, and I'm sorry"

"Sometimes I wish you were Just Jude Bellingham, not Jude Bellingham the Real Madrid and England Star

He stops packing and looks at me

"Sometimes I wish that as well darling, but that's not how it is"

"Yeah, I'm going to the kitchen to make a snack"

"Ok"

I leave the room and walk to the kitchen to make something to eat

As I'm busy I hear Jude come down the stairs with his bag

He places it down and walks up to me and towers over me, places a kiss on my forehead and bends down to kiss my belly

"I have to go" he says as he stands up

I come in for a hug and hug him very tightly as if by doing so I can just pause time and stop it from moving

He hugs me tightly as well indicating he doesn't wanna let go

As we're hugging the tears start coming out and I don't even try to fight them this time, i'm silently crying, and pretty sure my tears have now stained his shirt

He pulls away, looks me in the eyes and wipes the tears from my face

"I love you"

"I love you"

He kisses my forehead one more time walks to his bag and heads for the door where his driver waits for him

A week later:

I'm lying on the sofa watching a series that I'm not really paying attention to, all I'm thinking about is how scared I am and how I won't have anyone in the delivery room with me, and the person that I do want to be there is in another country

It's been difficult to talk and Face time with Jude, because he's either very busy or he's too tired to talk, if he's not training, he's doing press, if it's not press it's games, if it's not games he's out with his teammates, there's just always something happening and it makes me wonder if he's  trying to avoid me, because if he wasn't ignoring me then he would at least make the time to try and talk to me, it's always me reaching out and calling him but he never does the same

The only interactions we have nowadays is when he posts something and I like and comment under his post and he'll just reply to my comment

I honestly don't know what to do but I just keep telling myself that he's busy and can't talk

I stand up and walk upstairs to get my phone to check if I've gotten any call from Jude

The minute I grab my phone from my bed there's a warm liquid that I feel on my legs

I look down and see water on the floor

I start freaking out a bit but then compose myself and walk to my wardrobe to grab my bag

And walk downstairs and get into the car and start driving to the hospital

When I arrive at the hospital I ask the receptionist for my doctor, but she tells me that in order to see her I have to have an appointment

"Lady listen to me, I'm a Pregnant Woman that's about to give birth, are you really gonna tell me to wait to see my Doctor?"

"I'm sorry I was not aware, I'll go get her"

She walks down a passage and makes a left knocking on a door, 2 minutes later she returns with Doctor Ashley Johnson

"Mrs. Bellingham, what are you doing here?, Where's is your Husband?"

"On a business Trip" I say breathing heavily

"Can someone get this woman a wheelchair?"

A few minutes later I'm in a hospital gown and walking around my hospital room trying to Dilate myself enough to give birth to this baby and Doctor Johnson holding my hand

"So where is your husband?"

"He's away, on a Business trip"

"Your Mother?"

"We don't really get along, let's just say she's not happy with the decisions I made in my life"

"Like?"

"Marring my Husband"

"What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing, she just didn't want me to marry someone who is from a different country number one and from a different culture"

"Your mother in law?"

"She moved back to England to be with my Father in law and brother in law"

"Siblings?"

"They are all married and even if I were to call them they are too far away"

"So I guess it's just you and me then" she says

I nod my head realizing that no one from my family is actually coming

"Yep"

After 10 hours of walking around and trying to Dilate Doctor Johnson informs me that I'm ready to give birth

She calls the rest of her team to come and assist and after two hours

A baby Boy is born

My body is tired and I just feel absolutely exhausted

"Mrs. Bellingham, we're going to clean your baby boy, you just get some rest we'll bring him right back"

"Ok" I say falling asleep

The next day I wake up feeling much better than the previous day, I turn my head to see my baby sleeping peacefully and Doctor Johnson walks into the room

"Hi, how are we doing in here?"

"We're ok, he's asleep"

"Have you spoken to your family yet?"

"No, I haven't, I'll wait for him to wake up first, then I'll make calls"

"And a name, have you decided on a name yet?"

"No I wanna call my husband first then we'll discuss it"

"Ok"

Doctor Johnson stays with me for some time until the baby wakes up

"I'll leave you to it then"

"Thank you"

I grab my phone and the first people I call are my Four sisters

They all get excited and squeal as they see the baby for the first time

"What's his name?" One of them ask

"I don't know, I'm gonna call Jude and we'll talk about it"

"Aww, he's so cute"

"Thank you"

"Congratulations sis, we're so proud of you, we wish we could be there"

I shed some tears and tell them it's fine and that we'll all meet up eventually

The next person I call is Denise.

"Hello love"

"Hi Mom, you alright?"

"Yeah, how are you"

"Oh we're fine, but I have something to show you"

I slightly turn the phone to Show her the baby and she looks in shock

"Mark, Jobe come look"

After some time Mark and Jobe appear on the screen

"Oh God he's so adorable"

"Are you ok though love"

"Yeah, I will be" I say

"What's his name?"

"I still need to call Jude, then we'll discuss it, and then we'll let everyone know

"Ok love, take care of yourself ok"

"Ok"

"We love you"

"Love you too"

The next person I call is Jude, hoping he'll pick up but he doesn't instead he sends a text

Hubby: what's up?

Me: can you call, it's important

Hubby: what is it?

Me: Jude can you pls just answer your phone it's really important

Hubby: just text me, I'm busy rn

Me: with what?

Hubby: With Trent, Madders and Hendo

Me: so you can't just excuse yourself for some time, I'm telling you that this is important why are you being difficult?"

Hubby: no actually I can't excuse myself, we're playing UNO, and I'm losing like hell

Me: oh so you would rather play a game of UNO than to hear what I have to say?

Hubby: just text it to me, I'm sure it's not a big deal

Me: if you consider the fact that you have a son not important then Yeah, it's not important

Hubby: what 🤯 are you being serious, you game birth?

Me: yeah but don't let me stop you from your game, it's most definitely more important than the birth of your son

                           Hubby ❤

                            Calling...

I decline the call

Hubby: babe answer the phone

Me: The baby is asleep, I'll call you when he wakes up, if I answer it'll wake him up

Hubby: oh c'mon don't be like that

Me: I'll call you later, get back to your game

I place my phone next to me and admire my newly born baby boy who is fully awake

"Hey Babe, welcome to the world, I'm gonna love you so much more than anything in the world"

He only giggles and cuddles further into my arms and it makes me Coo

2 months later:

Today is the day Jude comes back and to say I'm excited is an understatement we never had the discussion of the Baby's name so I just decided it Myself

And I Decided on Jamie

Ever since Jamie's birth Jude has been calling a lot more often and calling to check on us every day, which is good because then he won't miss that many Moments

Jamie is growing so fast it feels like it was just yesterday when it was just the two of us cuddling in a hospital bed, now he can crawl

Jude should be landing in a few hours and Jamie and I are preparing something to have for dinner, hopefully Jude will be here in time for dinner

Jamie however is on top of the counter grabbing things and putting them in his mouth while I prepare dinner

After making dinner, I get Jamie cleaned up and into his pajamas

And I carry him downstairs where we'll sit and wait for Jude

I'm so excited because we're about to have our first dinner as a family also adding the fact that I haven't seen Jude in almost three months

20:00( 8pm)

Jamie and I are sitting in the dinning room waiting for Jude to come home

21:00( 9pm)

Jamie has fallen asleep on my chest

22:00 ( 10pm)

Jamie is now asleep in this crib and I'm waiting for Jude while doing the dishes and packing away all the table decor that I've put out

23:00 (11:00 pm)

Fast asleep in bed

00:00 ( 12:00pm)

01:00 am

The door to the house opens and I hear Jude walk up the stairs and towards our room, the door opens and I hear him sigh and take his clothes off leaving him in his trunks

He gets into bed and kisses my shoulder

"Hello my love" he says in a husky voice

"I know you're awake, you're a light sleeper, I know you heard me come in"

I shrug him off and try to make myself comfortable on the bed

"What's wrong, are you not going to greet back"

"Hi"

"Is that all I get?"

"Yeah"

"Why are you upset i haven't seen you in 2 months and the first time I come back you give me a cold shoulder?"

"Exactly we haven't seen eachother in 2 months, and you couldn't even get home on time for dinner like you promised"

"Oh, you know I thought I told you that I was gonna be late, because Trent wanted to party for a bit before we were all headed home because we wouldn't see eachother in a long time"

"Does Trent have a two month old  baby boy who he hasn't seen ever since his birth and a wife who gave birth on her own  waiting for him at home?"

"No"

"Do you?"

"Yes"

"So please explain to me because I must be losing my mind, you had two months, two months with these people "your sheriffs" to laugh and share moments, yet your two month old son has not even shared a single moment with you and you still put your teammates before him to make moments with them and you don't even have one with your son"

He is quiet

"So is it wrong for me to assume that from now on your international teammates and club teammates will forever be the first choice no matter what?"

"No babe, you and James are the most important thing in my life and will forever be my first"

"I can't even look at you right now"

"You were not there when he was born, when we were suppose to name him , i ended up naming him myself because I had to put something on the birth certificate, you weren't there when he started crawling and now you said the wrong name yet he's your son"

"Is his name not James?"

"If you had answered your phone on that day we would have named him together" I say getting out of bed and grabbing my gown

"And his name is Jamie" I say walking out of the room and walking to Jamie's room to sleep there

The next morning I'm woken up by Jamie's cries

I walk to him and pick him out of his crib and walk to the Kitchen to find Jude making Breakfast

"Morning babe"

"What are you doing?"

"Making breakfast, I'm making French toast, still your favorite right?"

"Yeah"

"Great, have a seat it'll be ready in just a few minutes"

Jamie lays his head on my shoulder as he looks at Jude almost as if he's asking who is the guy in our Kitchen making food

He's uncomfortable

"Hey it's ok, that's your dad" I whisper into his ear and kiss his head

I walk to the dinning table and put Jamie on my lap where he stares at me and shows his gums that are without teeth

I smile down at him and shower him with kisses and he giggles

In that moment Jude walks to us and almost  immediately Jamie's head goes on my chest and he stops giggling

"Here you are"

"Thanks" I say

He takes a seat across me and looks at Jamie and sends him a small wave, but it only makes Jamie force himself further into my chest

Jude gives me a sad look and I look back at him

He clears his throat and breaks the uncomfortable silence

"So how have you been?"

"Fine, yeah I've been fine, you?"

"Yep same just really tired"

"Yeah"

The awkward silence is among us again and we eat in silence

"Fuck" he says under his breath

"How much have I missed?" He asks

"A lot more than you can imagine" I reply

"Baby, I am so sorry, when you said that I missed so much I didn't know you meant it like that to the point where my own son doesn't recognize me"

"Yeah"

"How can I make up for it?"

"I wouldn't know either Jude, Jamie is a baby, he doesn't comprehend what's happening, it not like you can just throw the words I'm sorry to him and he'll forgive you just like that"

"You're not helping, I'm asking for solutions not for you to make me feel worse than I already do"

"Well you wouldn't be feeling like this if you had been there number 1, if you had answered your phone so we could name him together and if you had made more time to talk to us"

"I called you every day"

"Did you call me when I was a week from giving birth, huh, when our only interaction would be on Social media where I was liking pictures and commenting and you were liking or replying to my comments"

"I called you guys every day, to find out how you were doing"

"For five minutes, you can't really say anything in five minutes"

"I was tired"

"But you were never too tired to go out with your teammates, right?, all that time you spent with them, could have been used to get to know your son, given how difficult it was to be there for him when he was born"

"So what, you wanted me to stay in my hotel room and be left out while everyone was enjoying themselves?"

"If you couldn't do it for me then you could have at least done it for Jamie, you were an absent father, and it's not my fault that after I tried to get you involved in his life and you refused and now he doesn't even know you"

He's quiet and just continues eating his food

After having breakfast Jamie and i walk to the Kitchen and i get started on the dishes while He sits next me with his favorite chew toy that keeps him behaving

Jude walks in

"Let me take him" he says

He goes to pick Jamie up and Jamie starts crying

I immediately leave the dishes and walk to them

"Here take over the dishes, I'll take him

"No it's fine, he'll be fine"

"No Jude let go of him, I need to feed him he hasn't been fed yet"

He let's go of Jamie and I walk to his room to feed him

After 2 hours Jamie falls asleep for his afternoon nap

And I walk to the living room to watch some TV only to find Jude watching TV

I take a seat and Jude pauses his show

"Is he ok?"

"Yeah, he's asleep"

"That's good"

"Mhm"

"Y/n, I'm sorry, I know that the past 2 months have not been easy for you and that you were scared when you had to give birth to Jamie, because I wasn't there for you both"

"It's fine, you were working"

"Yeah but that's not an excuse, I feel horrible, I feel like I'll never get to have a relationship with my son if things go on like this"

"Don't say that Jude, Jamie will get use to you, eventually, maybe not tomorrow or next week, but eventually"

"You were right, if I made the time then we wouldn't be here right now having this conversation"

"True, but you made a mistake and you are rectifying it, now you know what to do and what not to next time"

He smiles at me and I return the smile

"Thank you"

"You're welcome"

He scoots closer to me and places his arm around my shoulder and I lay my head on his

"I've missed you so much"

"I've missed you as well"

"Can you believe it, we're actually Parents now"

"Right, times like these are gonna be fewer, where it's just the two of us bringe watching Movies and series"

"That's true, we're gonna be so occupied, it's crazy"

"Yep"

"I love you"

"I love you too"

He kisses my forehead and unpause the show he was watching.

[quinnylouhughesx43]

Peter

based off of Taylor Swift’s song from The Tortured Poets Department

warning: a bit sad, longing for ex-lover, use of y/n

Ethan Edwards x fem!Reader

summary: Ethan and reader childhood friends —> lovers —> break up —> reader heartbreakingly waiting for his return.

author’s note: the photos are intended to tell the story them growing up. the last last picture are two quotes from the book “better than the movies” by Lynn Painter. (can be found on Amazon, books a million, barnes & noble, etc. links were too long to post)

Ethan and (y/n)’s older childhood friends always joked the two would fall in love one day. It was always a big laugh between the two of you because what business do 8 year olds have thinking about love?

In a blink of an eye you’re dancing at your end of the year eighth grade formal together, your heart has never reacted the way it was at that specific moment. Confused and a bit scared you kept your head staring at the floor while your hands were firmly placed on Ethan’s shoulders. His hands placed awkwardly on your waist. He cleared throat and paused both of your movements. “Hey (y/n)? Can I do something and you promise you not get mad if you don’t like it? We can just forget about it after if it’s weird.” His words were rushed and hands shaking. Your eyes connected with his, a slight nod yes to confirm you were okay with whatever it was he was asking for. As if the world moved in slow motion and no one else was in the school’s lobby, where the formal was happening but the two of you, Ethan ducked his head down just the few inches he needed to in order to give a quick kiss.

The first kiss for both of you.

Awkward, yet not weird for either of you. The beginning of what turned into a long beautiful journey. Until it wasn’t beautiful.

꧁꧂

“(Y/N) I am so tired of this repetitive argument. It happens over and over. I got accepted to Michigan and I got a scholarship for hockey. Their program is notorious for building up their athletes and getting them drafted. Drafted! You’ve known since we were kids that the NHL is what I wanted for myself.” Ethan tried to keep himself composed until he couldn’t. His desire, compassion, and dedication to chasing his dream often overshadowed his love and dedication to you. His childish mannerisms peaking through. “I just want to know where I fit into this plan? This future of yours.” You tried to keep your voice strong and unwavering but just like each time before the lump in your throat prevented you from even being able to breathe properly.

He sat down on the edge of your bed. Quiet minutes passed before he finally spoke again. “Maybe there isn’t an us in the future..” His words are so quiet you aren’t sure if you heard him correctly. “E?” You whimpered. Tears streaming one after the other. He didn’t look at you right away. Knowing if he did his resolve would shatter.

Taking a deep breath, starting over. Looking at you after a couple minutes had passed by and leaning over to wipe your cheeks dry. “I know this is going to be hard to hear. It’s killing me to even say it. It killed me to even think about it recently. I’m going to be gone for a long time for school. I won’t be returning home. My parents will be coming there over the holidays. It will be easier with training. I can’t ask you to sit here while you’re going to school yourself and be tied to me. Especially when we will never see each other. Neither of us have the money for traveling to and from. I’ve been so physically sick thinking about leaving you. We’ve only argued since I decided but honey this is what’s best for me and my dreams. I’m sorry I’m being so selfish but I can’t pass this up. If I stay here I take a chance at never having an opportunity at the NHL at least I know I’ll have an opportunity there.” Your tears stopped at some point. Sadness turned to numbness. Lost to the words he was saying.

“(Y/N/N). I can go and grow up while I’m gone. Get drafted. Or not. Then I’ll come find you if you’re still single. . We can live our dreams then. I just can’t ask you to sit here and be miserably alone.” Pressing a quick kiss to your forehead he left your house. That was the last thing he said to you in person. You didn’t see him again before he left. He tried but you declined. Not wanting to hurt anymore than you already were.

꧁꧂

You just watched Ethan’s NHL debut with the New Jersey Devil two weeks ago. Pride swelled in your heart for him but heartbreak also overtook you. He never came back for you. You’re both 24 now, he could’ve come back after college since he was drafted pre-degree but he never did. Since ‘goodbye for now’ turned into ‘goodbye’ you sat down at your desk and started writing him a letter. You were going to mail it to his mom’s house. She can mail it to him.

Dear Ethan,

I hoped you'd return with your feet on the ground, tell me all that you'd learned because love is never lost when perspective is earned and you said you would come and get me, but we were only 17. My shelf life on the fantasies has expired. Please forgive me, Ethan, I really tried to hold on to the days you were mine. But the young girl turned into a woman who sits by her window has turned out the light.

You said you were going to grow up and you were going to come find me. Promises that were oceans deep, but never to keep.

Sincerely,

(Y/N)

Little did you know he was back in town at his parents’ house and received the letter himself. He was there to see you. He was back for you now that he was settled and could care for you both properly. But he was too late. You had shut the door on him. You stopped supporting him quietly. Stopped following the scores of the games and watching. . Ethan played the rest of the season terribly, not having his number fan, supporter there. It didn’t matter if he knew or not that she was always cheering him on. It just solidified for him, he no longer had his rock. His reason for being. That he fucked up all those years ago. That he no longer had a reason for what he thought was his dream. His dream was really your dreams. He wanted the future you wanted with him and now he will never have it all because of his selfishness back at 17.

[hartleysbaldursgateblog]

I love Astarion because he's an imperfect victim, he's someone who believes being hurt justifies hurting others but most of all I love his spawn ending and hate all the ascended Astarion takes about how the spawn ending is taking him away from what he really wants and needs just frustrates me so much.

As a trauma survivor myself and someone who has been surrounded by people with unhealthy coping mechanisms for most of his life, I love the spawn ending because it is, to me, the crux of what it means to start to heal. Sometimes the process of healing hurts too, and it can hurt a lot. And Astarion's story puts you in a position as a player that I've seen a lot myself- where someone you care about and who has been deeply hurt is so fixated on a truly destructive thing because they are genuinely convinced it's what will help them. Saying "no" and talking down someone who is struggling that much is an immensely hard thing to do as someone who has been on both ends of that equation. To let Astarion ascend is to enable him, to tell him he's right to be afraid of the world and that power is what he needs to feel safe. And it can be so, so hard, because when you're in Tav's shoes, it's hard to deny a person who is in so much pain something they are so thoroughly convinced will make them safe. But Astarion only really sees things as people with power and people without, that's what all his time with Cazador had taught him.

I remember seeing a post saying spawn Astarion's ending is "coddling" and "babying" him but it's really the opposite. Ascension is enabling him, not standing up to him and letting him buy into his tunnel-vision fixation about the ritual. Keeping him a spawn is the harder choice and requires more work to convince him, but speaking as someone with some unhealthy coping mechanisms myself and my family members in the same spot, you can't coddle someone engaging in destructive behavior if you ever want them to improve. Astarion is genuinely convinced that the ritual is going to make him safe, and one of the hardest things in the world is trying to push against and deny the requests of someone who is suffering. But myself, if I wasn't talked down from certain things or pathways no matter what I thought I wanted, I wouldn't be here and who I am today. Spawn Astarion is the harder road to travel but it's what Astarion needs to heal. Key example being if you bring up Cazador when he ascends, he lashes out and tells you to never mention him. He has all the power he wants, but he is still afraid, it didn't solve anything for him and he's just going to keep chasing more. Whereas spawn Astarion is willing to talk about Cazador and what happened. Because sometimes as a person with trauma you really do get fixated on something ultimately unhealthy for you and you might not like that truth, but the best people in your lives will be the ones who stand up to that fixation because they care and pull you away from it.

Spawn Astarion's ending is such a beautiful tale of healing, and I adore how it doesn't omit any of the ugly parts, either... because when it comes to healing, there really are a lot of ugly parts.

This was brought on by seeing a lot of people complaining about Ascended Astarion's kisses in patch 6 and how Tav looks scared. I mean, yeah, that's what an abusive relationship looks like... that's what the ascended ending is. It's not supposed to be good. You made your bed, now sleep in it.

[canirove]

In The Name of Love | Chapter 10

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Masterlist

"This has been the best Christmas present ever, Val. Seriously."

"You're welcome" I smile.

"Barça won, we watched it from some of the best seats, and Pedri scored! It had been a while, you know?"

"I don't keep up with what they do." 

Which is a lie, because whether I like it or not, this season I am paying attention to what Barça does. 

"Did you see Pedri's celebration? Today it was different."

"How so?" I ask.

"He started doing it this season, and the first time it was towards the stands. Then he started doing it towards the camera, and today again to the stands. We believe it is dedicated to someone."

"We?"

"His fans, of course."

"Of course" I chuckle. 

"Some people say he does it for a friend, but many think it is for a girl, because he sends a kiss and then does a peace sign. But it can also be a V for Victoria or Verónica for example."

Or Valeria, I say to myself.

"Oh my God, Val! I just realized something!" Marina says, squeezing my arm. "He did the celebration looking at where we were! What if we were sitting next to whoever that person is?"

"Could be a possibility, I guess."

"Oh… my God" she says. "And it's my turn to go into the bathroom. Don't leave, ok?"

"I won't, don't worry."

Once she goes in, my phone pings.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

Where are you?

Bathroom

I'm done in 5 minutes. Do you know where to go?

Yep

Do you have your passes with you?

Yep

Are you going to use more than one word on your replies? 😂

Maybe 🤷‍♀️

🙄 

Did you like my goal? 🥰

Meh

I'm gonna stop dedicating them to you if you don't appreciate them 🙄

I liked it.  Though I would have liked it a lot more if it hadn't been the winning one

🙄

😚

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Who are you texting?"

"Fuck, Marina! You scared me!" I say, quickly hiding my phone.

"Was it your boyfriend?"

"I don't have a boyfriend."

"Then your no boyfriend. You were smiling like an idiot."

"I wasn't… Whatever. There is somewhere where we need to go. Here" I say, giving him one of the passes.

"What does this mean?" she says, inspecting it.

"That you are a very lucky girl. Let's go."

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Oh my God, Val. I can't believe we are in the lounge area! It is so fancy…"

"It is just a room full of people, Marina."

"Yes, but that's Anna Lewandowska over there. And Coral is over there too. We are surrounded by wags!"

"Yeah…" I say, looking around. Could I see myself hanging out with these people?

"How did you manage all this?"

"I told you I know someone" I shrug.

"Is it your no boyfriend? Does he work for Barça?"

"No."

"Val, are you dating Ferran?"

"What?" I laugh.

"I know he follows you on Instagram."

"He doesn't."

"He does. The other day I was checking who had liked that photo of us together that you posted on Christmas, and I saw him. He follows you with his private account."

"I didn't know."

"Oh, c'mon Val. Your account is private too, you know who follows you and who doesn't. And your cheeks are so red right now…" Marina chuckles. "It's fine if he's the one you are shagging, he's hot."

"I'm not…"

"Val, hey!" Ferran says behind us.

"Shit" I whisper. "Hello."

"How are you, did you enjoy the game?"

"You won, so no" I shrug.

"Always so honest… Is this your cousin?"

"Yep."

"Marina, right? Nice to meet you" he says with his best smile before kissing her cheeks.

"Hi" she giggles. "Are you Val's no boyfriend?"

"Marina!"

"If I am what?" Ferran laughs.

"Nothing, ignore her."

"Val got the tickets for today's game and these passes through someone who definitely works for Barça, this isn't available for everyone. You two follow each other on Instagram, and you clearly behave as friends, so…" she shrugs.

"Sadly, it isn't me" he says.

"But I am right about her dating someone who works for Barça, am I not?"

"Maybe" Ferran shrugs.

"Eric! You are dating Eric García! Of course! He is so your type with the beard and the hair… and when he wears his glasses he looks very posh. Totally your type!"

"He isn't my…"

"Oh my God, that's Gavi!" Marina says, grabbing my arm and squeezing it once again. "And that… Val, it's him" she gasps.

"Who?"

"Him, Val. Him! And he's coming this way with Gavi. Ok, ok… Deep breaths. How do I look?"

"Beautiful" Ferran says, making her giggle again.

"Hello, Val. And company" Pedri smiles.

"Hi" both Marina and I say at the same time and using the same silly tone. My teenage self is back, great.

"You are Marina, right?" he asks. "Nice to meet you."

"Oh my God, Val. He knows my name! Did her boyfriend tell you about me?"

"Her boyfriend?" Gavi says, his eyes wide.

"Do you have a boyfriend, Val?" Pedri asks, arching an eyebrow.

"I don't."

"They aren't official yet, but she is seeing Eric García" Marina smiles.

"What?" Gavi says, his eyes now even wider.

"He apparently is her type" Ferran chuckles.

"Is he?" Pedri asks with a teasing smile.

"He isn't. Marina is talking nonsense, don't listen to her."

"Maybe being at the Camp Nou also affects her like happens to you" he says, still smiling. "How is it going, by the way? Feeling itchy?"

"Now that you mention it, I do feel a bit itchy, yes."

"I can help and scratch you where you don't reach" Pedri smirks.

"Marina, why don't we take some photos, uh?" Ferran suddenly says. 

"Oh, yes! Please!" she smiles.

"The light is really good next to those windows. Gavi, why don't you accompany her?"

"Sure…" he says, looking at everyone with a confused look before walking away with Marina.

"You're welcome" Ferran says, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What for?" Pedri asks.

"What for? Really?" he replies, rolling his eyes. "You were shamelessly flirting in front of her. I don't know how she didn't notice."

"We weren't flirting" I snort. 

"I'm feeling itchy. I can help you where you don't reach" Ferran says with a funny voice. "You were flirting and giving each other sex eyes."

"What?" Pedri a I say at the same time.

"I get it, you haven't fucked in a while and are horny for each other. But try to tone it down in front of the kids, ok?"

"In front of the kids" I laugh. "As if you were much older."

"Whatever. Let's go take those photos with your cousin, Gavi is already asking for help" Ferran says, walking away.

"You heard him, Val. Tone it down" Pedri smirks.

"Me? You were the one who started it all!"

"But you were the one who started with sex eyes."

"I wasn't."

"You were, Val. But if you are so needy, we can meet tomorrow."

"I am not needy." Well, maybe I am a bit needy. But just a bit.

"Lunch at my place?" 

"Fine" I sigh. "Now let's go meet the others."

"Don't you want to go say hello to your boyfriend? He just walked in" he says, nodding behind him and towards where Eric is.

"Fuck you, Pedro."

"Tomorrow, Val. We are fucking tomorrow" he grins, making me roll my eyes before walking away while he just smiles like an idiot.

[i-am-an-arson-enthusiast]

Here at i-am-an-arson-enthusiast, we i am dedicated to bringing you top quality content such as but not limited to: gay things, cats, and even live arson that you don't even have to tune into!!

hi this is my intro post :D

basic questions that i love answering

“hey what should i call you” good question. i dont really care, most of my mutuals call me arson. thats cool. bc i love arson. (clearly) but you can call me really whatever. planet names are dope as shit, but only @marcysbear gets to call me neptune. also enthu is off limits, only @terrifying-acceptance gets to call me that.

for the record: if you call me either of those names and are not either of them, that is crossing a genuine boundary of mine. you ARE NOT allowed to call me those names if you are not the designated person for that.

“ur gay” woah really i didnt know that ur like the first person ever to notice that!! (no ur not, ive known that for years)

“what type of gay” yes. the easiest way to explain it is bisexual. that being said: i use bisexual surprizingly little. i call myself lesbian and gay all the time (as in wlw and mlm). i’m arospec, i think im grayromantic? idk. but fun fact: it’s been over TWO months now of this identity crisis; my personal record :) also im polyamorous and will joke abt kissing u if ur cool with it :3

“gender????” im genderfluid. which explains the pronoun changes. im also trans, nb, genderqueer, and any of the genders and terms i need to articulate what the silly lil dudes in my head make me feel.

AUDHD :D explains why i am obsessed with space (going back to names planet names are cool and epic btw)

“do u horny post on main???” i reblog horny posts to my main but i dont normally do the original horny posting. tell me if i need to tw that btw :3

my cool and epic tags

i try to consistanly use them but sometimes i dont. sorry.

woah i’m using queue - i’m actually queuing a post for once instead of spam reblogging (which i mostly do sorry not sorry)

woah a real text post - me positing an actual text post for once but it’s becoming more common

cool ass art - art that i reblog (it’s all cool)

arson does half way decent art sometimes - my art. art i made. yea

the beloved - my beautiful beautiful queer platonic partner @terrifying-acceptance who i tag in a lot of shit :]

i will keep adding more as i remember them and make them so yea :D also i try to tag for things but i often dont add tw or cw because. idk. just havent ever done that. if you need me too you can tell me in any form and ill try my gaddamn hardest to add them. feel free to *kindly* remind me if i forgot. (as in no verbal abuse ya know. if ur scared ur probably fine)

the last section that is mostly important for followers :]

if u wanna follow me it’d be cool if you have a banner and pfp but as long as ur like not a bot ur good.

feel free to ask questions :) this is the point at which i tell you that i love getting asks and dms. my dms are always open unless i am dead. (current status: alive at very least.) also i am in school so you are practically guaranteed to get a response not immediately. give me 12-24 hours to respond before being offended. after that it’s fair game.

I genuinely do not care and give no fucks about what you believe and how you live your life as long as you dont hurt yourself or others, you are not offended by me being very not religious/spiritual and you do not shove it down anyones throat.

I mostly do reblogs and tag them as such half the time

lastly if you interact with this post it lets me know that you read it but i’m gonna look at your profile anyway if u follow me so you don’t have to.

thank you for reading all of that i know it’s long. your cool so here’s a cookie 🍪 also here have this

credit to @v-4-l-0-n and @theprideful :)

(order of the banners are “exclusionists fuck off”, then this user loves being a lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, genderfluid, then non binary)

[wrestlersownmyheart]

An Unconventional Wedding Night (Finn Bálor X Female Reader) *One-Shot*

Summary: You are rescued from one danger only to be hurled into a completely different kind of danger. You are to be the bride of King Bálor—a supposedly mythical being in Celtic folklore. But, he is very real. And he wants you as his prized possession.

Bálor is relentlessly determined to win your affections.

After all, it's nothing a little gentle persuasion can't fix.

Disclaimers: I own nothing or anyone associated or affiliated with NXT or WWE. I own only the original characters. This is just a fictional story that came from my imagination. Content Warning: No sex scenes just some graphic violence and fluff.

Note: This has been pretty drastically edited from the first time I posted it. I cleaned out the sex scene and it's no longer a threesome-esque fic. Hope this doesn't disappoint and that it is still enjoyed!

An Unconventional Wedding Night

Your nerves were shot as you walked toward the remote cabin's porch.

Tonight was the night you were finally giving yourself to a man. And it scared you to death. And for that very reason, you wanted nothing more than to get back in your car and drive home.

Am I doing the right thing, you wondered. I mean... Do I really want to do this? I mean, yes, he's my boyfriend, but I'm not in love with him, for crying out loud! I want my first time to be special—how is it special when I am feeling so unsure and conflicted about it?

And then you felt badly because Derek—your boyfriend for the past three months—had planned this romantic weekend get-away for the both of you.

Suddenly your thoughts halted altogether as Derek opened the cabin's door and bolted down the steps toward you. He looked as though he was trying a little too hard to appear excited. His smile was etched into his face. His dark eyes held an emotion you couldn't quite read.

"Hey, beautiful," he greeted, bending down and kissing your mouth. He latched onto your hand and hurried up the steps with you in tow, simultaneously taking your purse from you.

"Derek?" You struggled to not stumble and fall as he literally pulled you into the cabin and tossed your purse toward the large, rustic sofa. Wordlessly, he pushed you—none too gently—into the nearest bedroom and kicked the door shut with his foot.

He seems... off. Tense. "If you're nervous, we don't have to do this tonight," you spoke up, your free hand fidgeting with the hem of your t-shirt. "I am feeling a bit anxious about it myself-"

The remainder of your words were trapped within your throat as his mouth crashed against yours. He nudged you back toward the foot of the large bed and held you there as he kissed you.

"Derek-" You tried again, but he didn't seem to be paying attention to you. Your nerves finally got the best of you and made your mind up for you. You pulled your head back to look up at him. "I-I can't do this. I'm sorry. I just can't. Not yet-"

Click.

The noise was accompanied by a sharp little pressure to your left wrist. Glancing down, you saw that Derek had handcuffed you to the foot-board of the bed. All sorts of thoughts raced through your mind. And none of them were pleasant.

Uselessly, you tugged on your wrist, testing the strength of the cuff that held you. "Derek... Please. Let me go. D-don't do this!"

An odd smile crossed his face as he backed away from you. "Oh, I am not doing anything to you, beautiful. Well... other than keeping you here, that is."

You shook your head, confused beyond measure and now frantically yanking at your wrist. "What? Why? What is this?"

"Do you know how valuable you really are?"

"What are you talking about," you screamed at him, fear shaking your voice. You began pulling at your wrist again, trying desperately to get free. "This is crazy! Let me go!"

"I'm being compensated for your capture. The money I am getting..." He trailed off and chuckled slightly. "...It's well worth giving you up. I'll be rich and able to get any woman I want. Someone who won't make me wait months just to take her to bed."

His disgusting and vague explanation still cleared nothing up for you. But before you could ask any more questions, the bedroom door blew open with what seemed to be a huge gust of wind.

A gust of wind that never died. It kept roaring and screaming; whipping—not only your hair, but your t-shirt and shorts—around on your body. The force of it nearly ripped the clothing off of you in its strength.

And then another person was in the room with you and Derek. Only a silhouette was clear at that moment, what with the living room light blindingly bright behind them. Had the light been that bright when we first came into the cabin? The being appeared to be male, what with his physique and stature. Panting from the struggle to breathe with such a brutal force of wind in your face, you glanced over at Derek. He seemed to recognize the man, but he had terror in his eyes, nonetheless.

"I brought her," Derek spoke loudly over the air lashing about all of you. "I brought her here, just like you wanted. Now give me my pay. I want to get out of here and be done with it."

The man silently lifted his arms, making a parting motion with them and the wind finally ceased. You nearly toppled from the absence of the strong force. Willing your wobbly legs to hold you up, you glanced in the stranger's direction.

Something is really wrong here. He actually made that wind stop. Completely!

"Pay," the man repeated. "You want your pay?"

You cringed. The man's voice was horrible. Scratchy, and deep and full of malice. Horrified, you watched as the man—or creature—gave a flick of a... a talon-like finger? And then Derek was propelled across the room and dropped at the monster's feet; suddenly a whimpering mess.

No sound escaped your lips as you watched in open-mouthed horror.

"You should know better than to make a deal with a demon. We're not known for keeping our word."

What? Your mind was not computing, nor accepting the fact that you were indeed in the room with an underworldly force. And then you mentally replayed what you'd seen the... thing do, and you knew—to the marrow of your bones, you truly were in the presence of a monster.

The creature suddenly reached down and tangled it's fingers into Derek's curly hair. Your chest heaved as you waited to see what the demon would do. And yet, somehow... you knew...

Your ex-boyfriend screamed a hideous howl just as the monster lifted it's curled fist, with what appeared to be no effort at all, and tore Derek's head from his shoulders. The scream was cut short. Only the sound of ripping flesh and the cracking of bones could be heard, mixing with the sound of the demon's purr-like growls. You grew nauseated as Derek's spinal cord emerged from his body next, still attached to his head.

Then his decapitated body fell limply in the floor, right at your feet.

Finally.

Finally, a scream ripped from your throat, scorching it raw.

You tried to back away, but of course, your cuffed wrist would only allow you to go so far. Ignoring the pain, you yanked and pulled anyway, praying you could break the cuff with enough strain on the chain. Your eyes stayed on the monster's figure. You still were unable to make out his features as he'd remained in the doorway the whole time, but as he moved forward slightly and turned to stare at you, you could see that his form was naked. The possible implications of that had you panicking even more, pulling on the cuff's chain, determined to break it and free yourself.

You could feel his eyes raking over you, watching you stare at his naked body. A sinister, gravelly chuckle filled the room.

"Don't worry, little human. Many of us demons don't feel the need to bother with clothing. No, I'm not here to bed you." He released Derek's head and spine, and the bloody mess hit the floor with a loud, squishy thud. "I'm only here to kill you."

You screamed again, your attempt to calm yourself completely forgotten. You began violently pulling on your wrist, twisting it this way and that, frantic with the need to get free. Out of nowhere, a force propelled you through the air, much the same way Derek had been treated. Your shoulder screamed in protest as your body jerked in mid-air having gone as far as the handcuff would allow. You were tugged further and further till you felt a snap in your shoulder and collarbone.

"STOP IT! PLEASE!"

Your tortured scream only seemed to amuse the demon. You heard him chuckling again, a dry, scraping sound, deep in his throat. And as you watched him with wide frightened eyes, he lifted a clawed finger to his lips and shushed you as if admonishing a small child.

He flicked the same finger down toward the hard-wood floor and you fell to it in a crumpled heap. The only sound you could make was a wheezed gasp, as you fought to stay conscious. Pain attacked your neck, shoulder and collarbone all at once and it was difficult to breathe. Fingers curled into the hair at your scalp, and tugged, forcing you up onto your knees. You pictured yourself being torn apart by the bloodthirsty demon, just like Derek was.

"Do you know why this is happening?"

You swallowed hard and shook your head, not trusting yourself to speak.

"You're to be King Bálor's wife—his Queen." His fingers curled tighter into your hair and you cried out softly from the sharp twinge of pain at your hairline. "Being bonded and married to you will only make him stronger. I can not let that happen. I plan to overthrow him."

"It... It-It won't happen," you managed to say through chattering teeth. "I don't want to marry at all. Let me go. Please, believe me! I won't marry anyone."

"He's not leaving you a choice. And he's left me none as well. You have to die. It's the only way. And I have to be the one to kill you." His free hand went to your throat and squeezed harshly, a foreboding warning of your fate. Instantly, you began struggling fruitlessly in his hold. "Some of the other rebelling Fomorians won't back me up in the overthrow unless..."

Shaking uncontrollably, you tuned him out at that point and tugged and clawed at his hand, frantic to get him to release you.

That's when you noticed a dark blur fly into the room and dive right into your demonic captor.

Both beings flew across the room, grappling as you tumbled back to the floor.

You took that moment to back up as far as you could in an unstable, one-armed crab walk. An invisible fire seemed to flair relentlessly up and down your left arm and shoulder at the movement, and you collapsed once more to the floor, fighting off the urge to vomit with a soft, pained groan.

In the next instant, you were lifted to your feet, gently. A strong arm went around your waist and tugged you against a sure, sturdy frame. Your head tipped forward and rested against a hard chest as your eyes closed. A soft, male voice, warm with a thick Irish accent whispered near your ear.

"Open y'r eyes, love. Look at me." Fingertips touched ever so lightly at your temple and you began thinking more clearly, your drowsiness was slowly ebbing. "I need ya t' stay awake, Y/N, so ya can get outta here—safely."

You lifted your head and looked at the man who was addressing you so intimately.

And you gasped.

Despite the fact that your life was in peril, you couldn't stop the thought:

He's... breathtaking!

His face was insanely handsome. A fairly tall—at least next to you he was—gorgeous man wearing solid black—a black shirt, black jeans and a black leather jacket, to be exact.

A full, dark beard and mustache adorned the lower half of his face. The same color of hair topped his head in a short fade haircut. His eyes were as pale a blue as the morning sky. His skin was neither pale, nor dark, and his sensuous, full lips glistened after a quick swipe of his tongue. Before you could say anything to him, the arm that held you pulled you even closer, and then his mouth claimed yours softly; lovingly. His mustache scratched lightly at your upper lip and you leaned closer into him.

It was a simple kiss, but it left you reeling. You couldn't lie to yourself. You wanted more. This was the man you were meant to be with. But instead of kissing you again, he pulled back a ways and smiled at you once more. "Beautiful."

Wait... He's calling me beautiful?

It was then you noticed that he held one hand up, his palm facing the direction of the demon who'd tried to kill you. The monster was currently frozen in place. He appeared to be under the control of the man holding you. Your rescuer's hand tremored slightly, as if an unseen force had hold of his wrist and was trying to move his hand away.

Your purse and car keys materialized into the gorgeous stranger's free hand then and he placed them into the hand of your uninjured arm before touching the handcuff on your other wrist. The restraint instantly fell open and you were free.

"I want ya t' go. Get in y'r car an' get outta here, lass. I will find ya when I'm done wit' the trait'r. Then you're comin' home. Wit' me. Finally." His blue eyes glanced over at the demon; pure disdain on his face. Then he turned to you once more and before you could ask him where "home" was, he kissed you again, sweeping his warm mouth across yours, and a subtle thrust of his tongue past your lips. You couldn't stop the whimper that escaped you. He swallowed it greedily then gave you a gentle nudge. "Go, m' love."

You took a tentative step backward, eyes wide and fixed on your beautiful rescuer.

In the next instant, he was gone and another man stood in his place. Swirling ribbons of reds, and blacks and smatterings of white swirled all over his shirtless frame. A set of washboard abs snatched your attention, and you let your gaze follow them down lower to the slightly skimpy pair of black trunks that revealed a clear imprint of his very impressive-

"GO!"

With a frightened gasp, your eyes shot back up to his face and discovered he was glaring at you with red eyes. "LEAVE!"

You stumbled backward, ignoring the stab of pain in your shoulder and then spun around and scrambled out of the cabin and out to your car.

You wouldn't see the look of malice on the stranger's face as he turned and glared at the Fomorian traitor.

"You knew not t' screw wit' me, Turlough," he addressed his former servant. "And you definitely knew not t' put your hands on my Queen."

}i{}i{}i{}i{}i{

You somehow hauled yourself into your SUV with only one good arm but had to attempt several times at getting the key into the ignition, your hand was shaking so horribly. "Please..." you sobbed, trying once again as you glanced toward the cabin. You could hear all kinds of growls and roars and the sounds of punches being thrown and landing. The lights flickered on and off in the windows. You finally heard the metallic scrape of the key sliding into the ignition after you jabbed at it once more. You turned it, and as soon as the engine kicked over and started, you were peeling out backward, eager to get on the road, and head back to the safety of your house.

Gravel flew all around you and pelted your car in your haste to leave. But you didn't care about the possibility of a chipped paint job or cracked windows. The only thing you wanted was to get home, shower, curl up in your bed and try to forget the terrifying things you'd seen that night. Though, secretly, you hoped your rescuer would find you again. A couple of kisses were not enough by a long shot. Then you realized you must be completely insane to fall in love with a man you'd just met.

Lost in your thoughts as you sped down the deserted old highway, you were startled by a loud banging sound at the back of your car. Suddenly, you were fishtailing all over the road. Instinctively, you applied pressure to your breaks and tried to regain control of the vehicle. A flurry of movement to your left snagged your attention then, and you dared a glance out the driver's window.

And you instantly regretted that decision.

The demon that had attempted to kill you apparently escaped your rescuer somehow, because he was tailing you.

On foot.

Bare. Foot.

And he was keeping up with your car's speed.

His eyes glinted brightly in the darkness and you could feel the anger and hatred for you radiating off of him.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!"

Your scream did nothing, of course. The demon only snarled at you before launching his body at your car. The same banging noise reverberated through your car and you almost lost control of it again.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

You struggled to keep your car on the road as the demon once more slammed into it. Not giving you a chance to recover, he slammed into you once again, giving the car a hard shove as he did.

And that is when you lost all control. Your world literally spun around you as you screamed and the car took flight and rolled over and over again. And again, and again. You were catapulted into pitch black darkness before the vehicle had even stopped flipping.

}i{}i{}i{}i{}i{

When you finally began coming to, your eyes struggled to open. You blinked them and scrunched them, but your vision was blurry at best.

A pained groan emerged from your throat and you became aware of hands on your face, and coasting over your body. Immediately, you remembered the car accident.

And the demon who'd caused it.

Acting on impulse, you kicked out with your foot and swung your fist. Which did nothing to help you, since you didn't connect with anything—or anyone. The sudden movement merely sent tremors of excruciating pain through your entire body and head. You sobbed and tried to turn onto your stomach; your mind telling your body to crawl and get away.

"Shhh, love." A familiar male voice spoke softly as hands took hold of you and once more ran over your body, seemingly searching for something. "You're so strong. An' perfect," the man spoke again; his tone full of awe and pride. "Hurt as much as you are, and still tryin' t' fight to live." There was a pause. "I have t' get ya back t' d'a castle. You're badly hurt."

The Irish stranger... Your thoughts were muddled, but you'd recognize that voice anywhere from then on. It was as if it was branded into your mind.

Fingers brushed over your ribs, sending a wave of fiery pain bolting up your side. You winced as a ragged wail burst from your lips.

"Broken ribs," came his murmur. "Dislocated shoulder and broken collar bone. Definitely a concussion."

Hearing all your injuries listed off sent you into another panic. You struggled anew, trying to free yourself from the hands holding you prisoner. The only thing you accomplished however, was sending more roiling pain crashing through your head and body.

"Easy, lass. Easy," the man soothed as he held you tighter. "I'm not goin' t' hurt ya."

His words didn't matter. Not after what you'd been through. You continued to panic and fight and struggle until your body could take no more pain and you went out like a light.

You became vaguely aware of being carried as you slowly gained a little consciousness. Your head rested against a strong shoulder. You wanted to lash out—to fight. But your limbs were so heavy. And literally everything hurt. You couldn't even open your eyes any more than little slits. You were at your rescuer's/kidnapper's mercy. And you hated it.

"Please..." you whimpered. "Please, don't hurt me..."

To your surprise, you felt soft, warm lips press against your forehead in a tender caress.

"Nev'r," came a whispered reply. You felt yourself being laid down on a soft surface—a bed. "I'd take my own life b'fore I'd ever hurt ya."

You let your head settle into the pillow beneath you. "You don't even know me..."

"Oh, but I do, love. I do. You have no idea how much I know you—how much I love you. I've waited s' long t' have you." You felt him take your hand and bring it to his lips with a soft kiss. "I'm Bálor. I'm your husband."

"I've gone crazy..." you uttered, struggling to open your eyes. "You're a Celtic...myth. I have to be dreaming." I have to be losing my mind, you thought groggily. You gained enough strength to open your eyes and looked up to see the gorgeous Irishman gazing down at you, tenderness in his blue eyes.

Bálor, you thought.

He was beautiful, but intimidating. His eyes were a vibrant blue but they would flash red every now and then. Suddenly, he was... painted for the lack of a better term—the swirling red, black and white colors returned with a vengeance.

"I won't hurt you, love." His voice growled at you, but his face held no malice—quite the opposite, actually. "You don't have t' be afraid o' me. I'll protect you wit' my life."

"B-but... You... you scared me. At the cabin. You looked like you'd kill me," you stammered, struggling to sit up.

Bálor helped ease you up so you were propped against the headboard and shook his head.

"As I told ya, I would never hurt ya. I was... scared of you bein' d'ere, in d'a cabin wit' d'a traitor. Ya were too stunned to leave, so I had to get a little fierce to frighten ya int' leavin'. But I'd never've hurt ya."

"I still..." you had trouble finding the words you needed. "I still... am not sure what you want with me."

"Ye're mine, love. Ye're my wife and queen."

"How," you asked incredulously. "I mean... There's been no wedding! And what if I don't want to marry anyone?" You moved to rise from the bed when he stopped you by gently taking your arm.

"You didn't want to marry anyone," Bálor admitted, shifting back to his human form. "Till you saw me. Till I kissed you."

You froze. He had you there.

Before you could reply, an older woman in a black, modest maid's uniform knocked on the open door, and stepped inside the room. She carried a small silver tray with what looked like a shot glass of red liquid in it.

"The... medicine you asked for, your highness." She gave a respectful nod to Bálor.

"T'ank you, Sophie," Bálor replied, stepping over to her and taking the glass from the tray. "D'at will be all."

You'd shakily risen to your feet as the maid vacated the room, but nearly sank to the floor as your pain attacked ferociously. Bálor set the glass down on the night table and then shot over to you and caught you, holding you up as gently as was possible. You apprehensively grasped at his torso so you could keep your balance.

"Maybe... I could stay till I'm healed up," you murmured weakly. A pained grunt passed your lips as another stab of pain assaulted your ribs. Your legs threatened to buckle when Bálor lifted you up and placed you back on the bed.

Bálor picked up the glass again and then lifted your head enough so you could drink it. "Take d'is, love," Bálor whispered. "'Twill help with the pain."

"What is it," you asked, suddenly growing sleepy again. Pain had always affected you that way.

"It's, uh... medicine," Bálor said, glancing at your face and then back to the glass. "It's a concoction of t'ings d'at will help ya feel bett'r. A potion for healin', a pain killer, a sedative so you can rest, wine t' relax ya, and... a couple ot'er t'ings d'at will aid in your healin'."

Your eyes were closing even as he spoke, and you felt the rim of the glass touch your lips.

"Drink, love," you heard him rasp softly.

Too drowsy to argue, you accepted the drink, wrinkling your nose as a metallic flavor flooded your mouth. "Yuck," you sighed once you'd swallowed it. Your head was gently deposited onto the pillow. And, true to his word, you did begin feeling less pain almost instantly. Your sleepiness increased ten-fold. and you felt something else... Something strange... As you slowly drifted, your body began humming with sensitivity. You gasped at the feel of heat flooding your body.

You'd never felt aroused in your life. You never knew what the big fuss was all about. But now...

Now, you knew—all too well.

"What... what did you do?..." You moaned out at the man watching you intently.

"Ye'll sleep now," Bálor smiled warmly at you. "And ya will have many...interestin' dreams." He leaned down, brushing his lips across yours, eliciting a sharp moan from you. "And when ya wake, love... Be warned. Y'r body will be aching f'r me."

Blackness slid across your eyes and settled into your mind then.

Until the dreams began...

They were strange... In that you were in pitch darkness. You couldn't see anything.

But oh... You could feel...

You couldn't move. Normally that would have panicked you, but... Not when warm invisible hands touched you the way they were.

With no warning, your eyes shot open. Your chest heaved as you panted for air.

But you felt no pain. You'd apparently healed up, just as Bálor said you would.

Not to mention after your long sleep, you were wide awake.

And so was your body. You discovered that quickly as the knot of tension in your belly made itself very known and-

Wait.

You looked to your side and found Bálor.

Naked as the day he was born.

With a shocked screech, you sat up in the huge bed and attempted to vacate it, only to be pulled back by a pair of strong arms. You struggled as you were tugged down to the mattress. The arms surrounded you and you became aware of the fact that you suddenly didn't want to resist.

"Where do ya t'ink ye're goin', lovey?"

You lifted your gaze upward and found yourself staring into Bálor's captivating blue eyes. An amused smile played at his full lips.

Why does he have to be so gorgeous?

"You're gorgeous too, darlin'." Bálor growled softly.

Your body shivering from raw nerves, you stammered out, "Y-you can r-read my mind?"

Your hair was brushed from your neck and his warm mouth peppered the skin with soft kisses and nibbles. "Mmm-hmmm..."

Your body's shaking intensified, and Bálor tilted your face up to his. "Don't be scared, love. I'm not goin' t' hurt ya." He smiled at you hungrily. "Anyt'ing but."

Something clicked in you then. You didn't know if it was the drug you were given to drink—you highly suspected it was blood—or if it was just self-discovery time. But...

You wanted him.

All of him.

You reached for Bálor, pressing your mouth to his and giving into your feelings for once in your life. You moaned into his mouth and curled your fingers in his hair, scraping his scalp lightly with your fingernails.

"Make love to me," you said, softly, shyly.

"That was my plan the whole time, love" Bálor chuckled, returning his mouth to yours. He slid his body over yours and slowly began unbuttoning the buttons of your blouse...

The End

[dumplingsjinson]

Incoming rant because I think I'm overthinking things but I also feel like I'm not; I'm just overall upset and anxious and feeling so embarrassed for myself for being like this.

So cat guy is dry as fuck with his texts after the second date. Like... he doesn't message me as much anymore. He does initiate conversations but it's like, when I reply, he either emoji reacts to it or leaves me on read. He doesn't use as many emojis in his texts as much anymore, either. He used to send random reels and posts but now he rarely does that. I mean, he did send one at like 4am this morning so that's sweet, but would he have sent anything if I didn't initiate the conversation somehow? To be fair, he did send me a message like two hours prior to him sending that post, which was a response to a message I sent. So he kinda like... Did a double text lol. (This is me reading into things, and that's how I try to make myself feel better but it rarely works.)

And I just feel like things are off, y'know?

But I also feel like I'm overthinking things.

I'm reading into things too much now that I actually like him (apparently that's what I do when I like someone. I think I have attachment issues which I absolutely hate. I hate being like this. I hate being overly anxious and an over thinker. I hate being that annoying ass bitch who needs reassurance). I'm wondering if he even actually wants to see me again even though he did say he hopes to see me again soon after the second date, because maybe he's changed his mind. I keep looking back at past messages to see what's changed. I scroll back to the message he sent after the first date and compare it to the message he sent after the second date and am like... Hm. Different wording. Is this a sign of disinterest? Is he lying? Maybe he's lying. Maybe he doesn't want to see me again, but is only doing this to be polite.

I keep wondering if maybe I did something to make him lose interest (I'm assuming he has based purely off of his texts and shit). Is it something I said? Am I at fault here?

I keep obsessing over the little details, whereas I used to not. I keep re-reading old messages to see what's changed. And it just sucks ass if he has lost interest because this is literally a story of "He liked her first, she ended up liking him back, and now he's lost interest".

Granted, he does have work and university but even back then when he was busy, he'd like... Message me in between.

But then again, I can't just act like he's the only one at fault here (maybe he isn't even at fault and it's all in my head). I also feel like I should start to initiate things more. Maybe I'm showing signs of disinterest by delaying my response time whenever he messages me (my brain works in weird ways. Like, when I like someone, I feel like responding right away is gonna scare them off, because I don't wanna be clingy or needy or whatever which is really, really stupid, but I can't help it), and not messaging him first. Maybe he thinks, "Oh God, maybe she's not interested in me?"

Maybe my own messaging pattern has changed and he senses that, because I can tell you I was quicker with responses back then myself.

Maybe I'm the one who needs to do better (I know I should do better, honestly), so I'm thinking of asking him out on the picnic date we talked about; see if he's still up for it and gauge his interest that way. Am I worried about being rejected? Yeah, because damn, I like him, so that's gonna sting more if he isn't really interested anymore. We'll see if I'm actually gonna do that, knowing how much of a coward I am. This bitch can kiss someone but can't ask someone out lmfao.

I've just been moping about it for the past few days and spiralling about it and that's why I hate liking someone because this is what my overanxious brain decides to do whenever I like someone: overthink.

And like - I need to do something about it, and if it means I get the closure/answer I need then so be it.

Maybe these seven months of trying to find someone has taken its toll on me and if this falls through then I'll just... You know. Fucking sit back and stop finding someone and maybe hope for a meet cute in real life because I'm sick and tired of this shit. (I probably won't, I'm still holding out hope at this point.)

Maybe I'm just burnt the fuck out, you know?

I get over someone (who I've liked for seven fucking months, but they turn out to be a complete red flag) by liking someone else, but at what cost? My emotional well being, that's what.

My emotions are all over the place, my monthly visitor is here so maybe that's fucking me up even more, and I just want someone to hold so I can cry into their shirt or something because I'm SO DONE.

I just want someone to call mine but apparently that's a very hard ask, and seeing people holding hands and being cute on the streets... Like damn bitch, I want that too. And it feels like I'll never get that.

And also, most importantly, I also need to invest in a therapist because God knows I need one after everything.

[doctor-says-im-alright]

Ive been wondering lately if I really do have bipolar with psychotic features or if I have schizoaffective. Idk why the idea of bipolar though is so offensive to me lol. I think its because I never really feel grandiose and thats just an unfair part of the bargain.

The main difference I found is psychosis symptoms outside of mood episodes. Ive been trying to figure that out, but as my moods are really long, Im not sure. I was thinking maybe that is true because this year I seem to launch into paranoia in a single afternoon instead of over months. But thats associated with a stressed mood, not anything neutral? Idk. My paranoia is generally after Ive become fully stressed, but honestly, it is possible I have delusions constantly. How do you even know? I know I have OCD but I am so fixated on death that it might be more delusional than just OCD - like I do have rituals but its mainly just stressful thoughts that Im being haunted and the proof was a dead bug.

But the past week I noticed I shifted into a different phase. Im suddenly energetic or agitated. Like laughing hysterically, talking a lot, becoming really upset or angry, sad, overwhelmed, and constantly unreasonably scared. Everything is a threat. I seem to be really focused on fires happening for some reason. I am sleeping way more than normal, actually my sleep is suddenly really stressful. I dont go to sleep unless I take meds but thats normal for me, but now I cant get up. Ill wake up and its like Im magnetised to the bed and am stuck for awhile until I actually wake up. I sleep 12-14 hours but when I look at my Fitbit data its somehow only 5-6 hours in that time Im asleep. I know it, too. Its like Im not asleep and am in my room but dreaming in it. I didnt even realize I was so upset about this until I saw a post by someone talking about training their service dog to wake them up properly and asking how to do it and I could cry with the relief if I could figure out something mine could do to help me with it.

I generally always get told Im too self aware to have any psychosis issues and I think Im good at sounding self aware but Im actually not at all. I have no idea what Im thinking or feeling, Im guessing based on any knee jerk things that may have come out. Like last year I was in the psych ward for paranoia, but I hadnt even noticed or was able to communicate, but can see it now, that I was actually in danger of attacking people because I believed they were going to kill me first, and that had been my motivation to go in. And it wasnt even the person I said I was paranoid of.

I cant even figure out if my hand hurts or not. I have no idea what Im thinking or feeling. I know Im jumpy and on level 100 of agitation. I just suddenly start crying, Im overwhelmed with proofs of life and death. If someone tells me a joke I literally cry laughing. My words are mixing up and I feel like I cant say anything. I read things Ive written and even Im like what?? What does that even say. I know I am having PTSD symptoms - thats a given with me. I know for months Ive been hyperfocused on it, its been a source of anger outbursts.

Like for some reason the thought of romance or sex or any relationship sends me into a flying rage. My dog licking my other dog disturbs me so deeply I immediately lose it and have to run outside or throw something. People talking about love and needing people makes me feel so revolted. Ive been half dating someone and they mentioned kissing and Im ready to set myself and everyone else on fire. I cant stand the thought of desire and needing someone and craving them it is disturbing and I want to be sick thinking about it. But Im not normally like this at all. Not at all.

I am asexual and aromantic and my friend keeps making sex jokes and referencing my being asexual and I swear to god Im going to throw up on him or hit him with a wooden spoon. Havent decided yet.

[sugdenlovesdingle]

Marjan's goodbye to the 126 made me cry... but Carlos is her friend too and he deserved to say goodbye too. And if Tim won't give me that, I'll just write it myself.

Or read on AO3

--- "Mama you really don't have to stay. You can just go home." Carlos pleaded with his mother. "I promise I won't overdo it. I'll just sit right here until TK gets home."

"Mi amor, I promised TK I'd stay to keep an eye on you so that's exactly what I'm going to do. You scared us." she stroked his face and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "We nearly lost you, we're allowed to be a little over protective."

"I'm fine mama. You heard the doctor, I've been lucky. I'm ok." he tried to reason with his mother. "I'm going back to work in a few days."

Andrea gave him a look that said she wasn't happy about that.

"Your dad has already talked to your sergeant about making you take it easy for a while. You need to give yourself time to recover."

"I will. I am, I promise. I don't need babysitting."

"Maybe not but I'm not leaving you on your own this soon after getting out of hospital. I'm your mother, it's my job to take care of you." she told him. "And I haven't always done a very good job..."

"Mama..."

"Just read your book Carlitos, I'll get started on dinner so TK doesn't have to worry about that when he gets home from work."

"I can cook mama, you don't have to. At least let me help." Carlos tried.

Andrea seemed to consider his suggestion but before she could decide anything, there was a knock on the door.

"Are you expecting anyone? Did TK forget his keys?" Andrea asked, going to open the door before Carlos could even think of getting up. "Oh hello Marjan."

"Hi Mrs Reyes." she said politely. "Is Carlos awake? I was hoping to talk to him for a little while."

"Yes Carlos is awake and very bored because he's barely allowed to move from the sofa." Carlos said, coming to greet her at the door. "Hey Marj."

"Hey you, how are you feeling?" she carefully hugged him.

"Fine. A little tired but that's it." he told her, leaving out certain details. "Though my mom and TK are making sure I don't so much as blink without either of them knowing. He hasn't left me out of his sight since I was discharged and now he had to go back to work, he got my mom to babysit me."

"We're just worried about you sweetheart. We want to make sure you're safe and rest up enough to enjoy your wedding day." Andrea told him.

"That's weeks away mom. I'll be fine by then. I'm fine now."

Andrea shook her head and turned to Marjan.

"He's just like his father. They're always fine and the world will end if they take some time to rest."

"I am resting." Carlos argued. "I've barely moved all day."

"Yeah I'm with your mother and fiancé on this one." Marjan told him. "It's not like you just had the flu."

"Not you too." Carlos sighed dramatically as the two of them sat down on the sofa while Andrea went to work her magic in the kitchen. "Don't take this the wrong way because I'm always happy to see you... But why are you here? Did something happen to TK?"

"No, no TK is fine." she rushed to say. "I'm going to the station after this."

Carlos frowned.

"Wait. Wasn't your hearing today? Or your deadline? With that woman you rescued?"

"TK told you about that?"

Carlos nodded.

"Yeah. And the group chat."

Marjan gave him a small smile.

"The good old group chat."

"Is everything alright? Did they suspend you?" Carlos asked, noticing his friend wasn't in uniform.

She shook her head.

"I quit. I left the AFD."

"What?!"

"That couple... They don't want an apology, they just want to use me to make some money. They want me to link to their gofundme in my apology post and tell people to donate... And I can't do that."

"And that's why you quit?"

"Part of it." she nodded. "The department are pushing me to make the post and I won't and they're not happy about that... But this whole thing is messing with my head. I froze up on a call because I was afraid of doing something wrong. If I can't trust my instincts I'm putting the rest of the crew in danger. People could die."

"I get it... I think." Carlos said after thinking it over for a minute. "So what's next for the great firefox?"

Marjan shrugged.

"I don't know. And that's both exciting and terrifying." she said and they both laughed. "I bought cap's bike."

"Oh great, instead of worrying my father in law will get himself killed, I'll be worrying about you."

"I'll be fine. I know how to ride. I had a bike in Florida but I had to leave it behind when I moved. I sold it and I've been thinking of getting a new one ever since. And when cap showed up at the station with his..."

"You wanted to get back in the saddle?"

"Something like that." She took a deep breath. "I came to say goodbye. I'm going to hit the road for a while. See what's out there."

"For a while? How long? TK and I are getting married in 7 weeks, and we need you there. You're part of the family."

Marjan smiled.

"I promise I'll keep in touch and I promise I'll be at the wedding. I can't let you two get married without me there. Not after everything you've put me and the rest of the crew through!"

"Excuse me? What we put you through?" Carlos said mock indignant. "You should be thankful you get to witness true love on a daily basis."

"Yeah you're right. Judd and Grace really are an example to us all."

"So mean." Carlos said laughingly and leaned over to hug her. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too." She squeezed him a little tighter before letting go and getting up. "I should head to the station. I want to get on the road before it gets dark."

Carlos walked her to the door.

"Yeah. Be careful out there ok?"

"I will."

"And if you're not back here for the wedding, I will hunt you down and drag you home myself." Carlos told her. Not entirely serious but not exactly joking either. "I'm a cop. I have resources."

"That's abuse of police powers, officer Reyes." Marjan teased.

"Not if it's for a good cause. Having my friend at my wedding is a good cause."

Marjan just smiled and pulled him in for another quick hug.

"See you soon, Marj."

"Yeah. See you."

He watched her walk away and give him a quick wave before rounding the corner to get to the elevator.

"Just remember I have friends in the missing persons department, Marwani!"

[draiochteve]

Today is a big day.

In less than 2 hours of this post, my fiancé will be here. And I don't mean visiting or just stopping by. He will be here. He's moving to be with me and so we can have our wedding. It's been almost 9 years –almost a decade– and we've lived on complete opposites of the USA the entire time. He's visited and I've visited, but we've never got to go on many normal dates, hug each other when we've wanted, or just be in each other's presence unless it was via a Skype or discord call.

When we got to be together in person, every moment we had of what everyone else got was 10x more special. I remember saving up and splurging to take him on dates that I always wanted to take him on the first trip he made here. I remember our first kiss on my bed. I remember how in all my previous relationships I would never feel comfortable enough with them that I was just me. I would be anxious and scared and timid. And I remember after the first couple hours melting with him in the moment like he had been there my whole life.

I've been preparing for this day for over a year and a half now since he proposed. It wasn't a surprise per say because I knew he had the ring for a while, but he was working hard to ensure we'd have a solid shot before asking. He knew what it would all entail and as much as love has always been there, my ring means more than that.

It's a promise, it's a declaration, and it's the symbol of my pending freedom.

We've both been working towards this, but Dalton has been working his ass off for my sake. For the sake of getting me out of here and buying me from my family. I know that's a morbid way of putting it, but despite law my family (specifically my father) sees me as his property. I've tried escaping a few times, and some failings have been my own weakness while some have been sabotage from my parents, but I am just not strong enough on my own to get out of here. And having lost all my friends I had growing up, I had no means.

He did everything traditionally despite his distaste. He asked permission, he made agreements, he bargained for me like I was a piece of meat though I suppose my dad treats me better than others in my position. In the end, my brothers' failings finding spouses is likely a large reason dad agreed though the other is he actually likes Dalton. He's good at keeping up a facade, but I don't know how much longer he can keep it up being around what I deal with for longer than a week at a time.

This day is the start of that. The official countdown to the wedding, a regular test of Dalton's patience, me almost having the means out of here. If everything gets too extreme, we are running the the courthouse and thankfully I have some extended family on my side now even if it isn't perfect. Things are looking up.

And then we will save and build towards getting as far away as we can. The place I've always called home will become a distance memory and I will be able to step outside with a pride pin on and dressed androgynous without being called slurs all day by my mom. I'll be able to dress goth without being stared at with distain. I'll be able to write in peace and maybe get back to my original fiction. Find a new penname. Publish and get out there. Find success. Find myself.

A long time ago, Dalton told me when we got married that he'd do so purely as a means to get me out and if I wanted to date women and have full freedom, he'd agree to it to just give me that. But my heart doesn't work that way (and I've had my fair share of secret relationships in my life it's not like I've never been with a woman or two or three) and he learned rather quickly from that point he wasn't just a means of escape. He's never just been that.

I love him deep within my bones. There is no one else who knows me so intimately and sees me. There's no one else who has seen me change and grow and lifts me up so high just to see what I become. The shit I've thrown at him and the craziness I've gotten myself into, he's always met it and we've worked through it. He's been there through the highs and lows. I've been there for his. Nearly nine years worth and he still talks to me like it's the first day we met. I wish I could express to you all how precious he is to me.

I want to give him the world. I want to give him the home we both deserved growing up. I want to fill his bookshelves with my own stories and show him all the worlds in my head –Even if it makes me anxious because he was an English major and will hand me them back with corrections (I love him for it lajslhdksjjahshdh).

I want to make him proud and prove to him that I can be more than what I am stuck here. And I know he knows I can be, he's always championed me in that regard and pushes me to recognize my own vibrance and creativity. But I want to be more. I want to explode and paint everything with my ideas. I want to be free.

And I'm so fucking close to having the proper opportunity and the freedom to do so.

Today is a big day and every day after is only going to get bigger until I can't bear it any longer.

Today is the first proper step towards my new life and I'm terrified as much as I am moved to tears.

[letrashbag]

Alright, I've been looking at all the queer crap, so Imma rant about that today. (I also accidentally reblogged a Nimona post on here instead trashlikesmedia so oops, but you can see where I started.)

Labels suck but I need them so there. I consider myself asexual, I came to this conclusion last summer. I've never been in a relationship, never really had any crushes. I always joked about how I had a crush on this guy in like 3rd grade and he liked my best friend (who I didn't actually like but that's a different story), and I've never loved since, but like it's true. I haven't. I always had this idea that I just hadn't met someone worth crushing on. I would ask people how they got into relationships and they'd always be like "just be yourself, one day the right guy will come along and it'll all work out" which was not helpful at all. My younger sibling is queer and they kind of introduced me to a lot of different identities and ideas, and it just kind of grew from there. It all started with me acknowledging the fact that I didn't want to sleep with women, and I felt the same way about women as I do about men, so I'm bi? pan? ace? It took a while to get comfortable with it, but now I'm here confidently ace.

Then the romantic side of things got tough. I've been on exactly one date (it was terrible, I did not like the guy and he did not put in a lot of effort and it was so uncomfortable), and I've only ever really had one crush on a guy and it was such a weird experience, that I couldn't figure out what was going on. (that was actually last summer and part of me realizing I was ace was being excited to hang out and talk with him but physically recoiling when I even thought about kissing him), so romance was not my thing. I do identify as aromantic, because it's the label that most closely matches my feelings and experiences, but I still feel like it's not right. I don't know if it's because I genuinely am alloromantic, or because I so desperately crave romance.

The big deal of it all is that I grew up in a not great family environment. My parents hate each other, especially my mom to my dad. They have been outwardly antagonistic towards each other for as long as I can remember. (I think the only reason they haven't gotten divorced is because it would be too expensive and my mom doesn't want to lose my dad's paycheck.) That contrasted really sharply with all the romance I would read about and see in movies and stuff. I'm a big reader and I have always loved romance. So I grew up with this reality of a terrible relationship and a fantasy of a perfect romance. I constantly worried that I would either settle for a terrible relationship because I thought that was realistic or end up alone because nothing matched my standards. Now, I don't know if my aromantic feelings are just because I'm scared of relationships and all of that nonsense or if I'm just genuinely not attracted to people. It keeps me up at night. At the end of the day, I just vibe and hope that everything works out.

In regards to gender, boy howdy do I have feelings. Cause like, gender isn't real, it's a social and cultural concept that people cling to because they like order. This is not invalidating trans people, gender and body dysmorphia is a very real thing and associating your identity, experiences, and sense of self with a gender and/or sex is normal, whether it aligns with your gender assigned at birth or not. My sentiment is more about the way society views gender as 1) a binary that aligns perfectly with sex and 2) an inflexible and constant pillar of identity that comes before any other identifiers. This is where I got beef. At the end of the day, your personal experience of gender is just that, personal. It's a part of who you are, but it's also influenced heavily by the way society views gender and gender norms, that's inevitable. My personal feelings are just complicated. I identify as a woman and use she/her pronouns because it's easy, not because I feel particularly aligned with the female gender. I'm not uncomfortable being perceived as a woman, but I also just don't care. Gender just isn't something that I consider important to my identity. I am me, I love these things, I do these things, these are my opinions. Y'know? (It probably doesn't help that my sense of self is also just wack, but whatever.) Something that I am uncomfortable with is being viewed as a woman before being viewed as a person. I have always called myself an actor, not an actress. Cause what's an actor? Someone who acts. What's an actress? A woman who acts. Why should part of my identifier clarify that I am a woman? That just doesn't make any sense to me. This view is rooted in my feminist ideals as well, as I've always been an advocate of getting rid of gendered job titles, seeing as the masculine form is almost always the default. However, I can't help but correlate the feelings. I just want to be a person, not a woman. Most of my hesitation in reaching out to and looking into the genderqueer community is just imposter syndrome probably. I don't care about being a woman, I don't feel gender dysphoria, people on the street probably aren't going to hate crime me for not aligning myself with a binary gender, so why should I try to claim any of this. Maybe it's just me making up excuses and pretending to be queer so I can feel cool or special. Maybe all the queerphobes are right and I am pretending to aroace and nonbinary so I can fit in with all the cool kids without actually having to date a woman and transition. I know that's a messed up view. Everyone's experience with gender and sexuality is extremely unique and no one will fit into a single box. I'm allowed to have these feelings without hating myself. It's just hard and scary. But c'est la vie.

On a lighter note, I love the asexual pride flag, it's so pretty, and I love the aromantic pride flag, it is also very pretty. But the aroace flag isn't that great. The colors just don't itch my brain the way the asexual and aromantic flags do individually y'know?

Long post, but I got's lots of feelings. I'm sure I'll make a bunch of posts about queerness, it do be a thing, but this was a good way to get my base feelings just out there.

[khaleesiofalicante]

Hey again ,how are you? Hope you're doing well and getting some rest. I love the back to back updates (even though I can't bring myself to read them yet, again, like I said, still a little obsessed with IALS but I will soon!) but you need to sleep and rest and take a break my friend! So,when I told you I'll be spaming you with my IALS feelings, I meant it. This is all your fault though, you are too good of a writer😭

Okay IALS scenarios that I can not stop thinking about, I have some theories about them that I will share later:

Where did all of Max's trophies go? Why did Magnus and Alec take them down in the first place?

I would love Lance's reaction when he realized that the song he played for his audition as a kid is the song that brought his parents together, I think he would act all disgusted by how gone they are for each other but would be secretly pleased and kinda happy about it on the inside because he's secretly a softie🥰

I would really like to think they get married eventually, maybe one day after they move to France, they kids are there to visit them and David walks downstairs and he sees Max cooking with the kids and laughing, they way they did when the kids were little, before the divorce and thinking, damn I have to make that man my husband again (officially)

I can't stop thinking about the first time they kiss or the first time they have sex in the same bed or when they move together (I know they don't mean that David is all healed but they're still pretty big milestones and must have meant a lot for both of them)

I also can't stop thinking about them in France, David going to the place he ran away from and doing it with Max, I can't even imagine how that conversation went before they agreed to do it, it must have been really difficult for both of them

I remember Max telling Arthur that he'll let him know the next time he washes his hair so he can teach him how to braid them, I can just see Arthur needing more than one time to get it right and David tagging along, you know, for research 👀

I know David loves Max's tattoos too much and eventually (after many years perhaps) did eventually made him strip and asked (kissed and licked) about every single one of them (a girl can dream and I dream big)

I kinda keep thinking about how Mavid running into Jaden again would go. Or even Mona, I have to admit I'm more curious about Mona, what can I say, I think about jealous, possessive David, I melt away, I'm a basic bitch

Completely unrelated, but the "I love you. I'm going to kill your dad. But I love you" quote you posted from your new fic scares me. I have many theories, but I really hope it's Max saying it to David. The pour guy didn't even get to punch the sadistic prick in IALS. He deserves compensation

Okay, that's about it for now, I'll go back to uni stuff. Have I mentioned how much I hate uni stuff?? Do you feel that way about work stuff too? Or do you actually enjoy it? Seems like a silly question but I'm curious, okay byeee🌷

PS: Song rec~ You are the reason by calum Scott and Leonard Lewis, I keep thinking about David playing this on the piano for Max and I just can't function🥹

LISTS AND SPAM? MY FAVE! LET'S GO!

They took it down with Max's permission and at his request. I think Max didn't want it anymore because he didn't want to be defined by it - and he didn't want his boys to feel the same pressure (We already saw Lance feeling it a little). Although I don't think malec threw it away. They know how hard Max worked to win every single one of them. It's probably in a storage unit :)

He would definitely find out about it (because he is watching the show now). I think if he was with Theia he'd sniffle a little. If he was with his parents he'd be like 'ew wtf is wrong with yall'. (as if this hypocrite doesn't compose music for his gf lmaooo)

I see it happening very much like that. It's not a big moment. Just a soft realization. It's a 'he is still here' and a 'i am ready now'.

I was extremely tempted to write this scene. But it did not make sense in the epilogue. I did not want it to be rushes so I left it out :(

Very difficult indeed. Also for Max - because it's a place that cost him a lot. A place that reminds him of Mallory. Moving to France is a symbolism of a big step. Bigger than even marriage or sex. It's a 'i'm not scared anymore'. They might not be fully healed (and perhaps never will) but they are not afraid of that anymore and that's beautiful.

I MISSED THIS FLUFF AHHHH

He did he did he did

One can never get enough of Jealous David content. Although I can see them meeting Jaden again and a lot of passive-aggressive comments lol. Of course Lance was there to serve cunt. Tempted to write this too...

You shall wait and see :)

I am fortunate enough to pick and choose what kind of work i wanted to do and what to avoid. so i mostly like the work i do - i just find it tiring because it's a lot. but of course even among the stuff i do choose, there are bits i don't like and hate (and it's often other people who make it feel so). if you ever want to rant about uni stuff or just wanna talk about it, you know where to find me x

ps - THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVE SONGS OMG.

[legolasghosty]

Find The Word Tag Game!

I got tagged twice in this, and I fully intend to do all the words, so buckle up! We're in for a long one....

From @innytoes, hug, warm, red, and dog.

From @caswellseyes, shine, sun, hug, and exist.

HUG -

Because Willie did want Alex. They wanted his snarky jokes and warm hugs, his incredible drumming and soft kisses, his nervous pacing and gentle caresses. But was that love? Because if he didn’t truly love Alex, he should let the drummer find someone who would. Alex deserved every good thing the world had to offer, and there was no way Willie could give him even half of that. Not if they couldn’t even tell if they truly loved him. He couldn’t just keep Alex to himself if he didn’t even know if they wanted all of Alex or just the parts that made Willie feel nice and fluttery inside.

(From the post-canon fic where Willie is not having a good time.)

WARM -

“Alex?”

Willie’s voice cuts through Alex’s thoughts. He looks down to find his boyfriend staring up at him, looking confused and a bit concerned. 

“You okay?” Willie asks. “You’ve been standing there for like a full minute.”

Alex feels his cheeks warm and he quickly sits down on the rug. “Yeah, I’m fine, sorry,” he answers, hoping it sounds convincing.

Willie doesn’t buy it. Of course they don’t. He’s incredible and can read Alex like a sudoku puzzle. Mixed around and taking some time to puzzle out, but logical and clear. 

Alex isn’t sure he’ll ever have the words to describe Willie or how he feels about them. He just knows that it’s deep and real, and that he sinks a little deeper into it every time Willie laughs. Or smiles. Or does just about anything.

(From the t4t Willex AU where Good Dad Caleb scared the heck out of Alex.)

RED -

“You’re Bobby, right? I really did not want to start this year off by bowling you over with Chewie.”

Wait, if he knows Bobby’s name, then… “Reggie?” he guesses.

“Yeah, hi,” Reggie responds sheepishly. His cheeks are turning red, making his freckles stand out. Not that Bobby is paying attention. “Sorry again, I assumed I would beat you here so I didn’t look before I tossed him in here.”

“It’s fine,” Bobby repeats, though he finds he actually means it this time. Reggie seems nice. At least he apologized for almost killing Bobby with a life-sized stuffed animal. “I was a mess getting my stuff up here too.” Then he glances around at the scattered boxes and gives a wry chuckle. “I guess I still am a mess.”

(From the Boggie Roommates AU that I really need to finish...)

DOG -

“Marina, come on in,” Ray greeted her, stepping back to let her into the living room.

“Thank you so much for taking them,” Marina said as moved slowly into the living room. “You know I’d take them myself, but I just got a new dog and there’s no way he would leave them alone.”

She glanced around the room, taking in the safety precautions and the lack of anything breakable. “So they’re going to be in here then?” she clarified. “I thought you usually had them out in a garage or something.”

“The studio is a bit of a mess at the moment,” Ray explained quickly. “We couldn’t get it cleaned up fast enough, and there’s plenty of space in the house.”

(From the one where the Molinas are Kitten Foster Parents.)

Whew, y'all sick of me yet? Too bad! <3

SHINE -

He stuck the last book into a box, taped it closed, and set it beside the others. Willie cheered and downed the last of their lemonade. Alex glanced out the open door, then leaned in to press a quick peck to their lips, tasting lemons and vanilla chapstick.

“I hope you know you owe me some real kisses when we get home,” Willie teased, poking him in the shoulder when he pulled back. “I’m doing a lot of work here, I deserve a reward.”

“Awww, am I not enough of a reward for you, Sunshine?” Alex snarked.

“Nah, I’m entitled to extra compensation for my efforts,” Willie said, smirking.

“That can be arranged,” Alex chuckled, tucking a stray hair behind their ear. “We gotta get these boxes out to the car first though.”

(From the one where Alex has to go back to his parent's place to get some stuff, but Willie is the best.)

SUN -

Alex takes a deep breath, in through the nose and out through the mouth like Willie taught him. It helps a bit. The thought of Willie and his friends does too. He’s going to get back to them. He isn’t sure how yet, but he will. He has to. Now that he’s had a taste of the sun, of real work and friends and love, he doesn’t think he can live without it anymore.

How is he supposed to go on reading the same books and playing his drums and drawing the same view out the windows now that he knows the rush of adrenaline that comes from beating Bobby at chess? How can he rest easy on his own now that he knows how much fun it is to read stories to Carlos before bed? What is he supposed to do with his hands now that they have been taught how to weave Flynn’s long, dark hair into rows of braids?

What’s the point in singing alone now that he’s heard the way his tone mixes with Julie’s and Luke’s and Reggie’s and Bobby’s to the sound of the piano in the Molina’s sitting room? Why bother trying to make his hair presentable when Reggie isn’t there to mess it up? Who needs wisecracks when there’s no one to laugh at them?

(From the AU where Alex is a prince who finally made some friends)

(Skipping HUG since this is already really long and I already did it.)

EXIST -

A couple of hours in, Alex’s mom came to the door. “Hey, you boys need some snacks or lemonade?” she offered, smiling.

Alex glanced up from where he was seated on the floor, fitting books into a cardboard box. He could see the cold shield behind her eyes. The one he’d known from the time he was six years old. The one that meant, “It doesn’t exist if I ignore it and don’t you dare question that.” Alex felt like the little rainbow bracelet that had lived on his wrist since high school was burning into his skin under the icy burn of her gaze.

“Some lemonade actually sounds great, Mrs. Mercer,” Willie responded, giving her a smile she didn’t deserve.

“Of course, coming right up,” she answered brightly. “I’m so glad Alex has a friend like you to help him out with these sorts of things.”

(Also from the one where Alex has to go home and Willie is amazing, this time with a dash of his awful mom!)

Whew, there we are! I really need to actually finish some of these fics..

If you made it this far and want to do it, consider yourself challenged! I have no clue who has and hasn't been tagged at this point.

Your words are: drop, kiss, once, and smirk!

[thehorrorsoftheblackbunnymask]

Vent Post

The past few months have been awful.

I don't know how long I can last anymore.

Everything started to go down hill after I had that traumatic dream in June or July. I still think about the dream now and I feel awful and it's just.

I've been going through derealization and disassociation recently, and it got really bad on Friday where my band were at a football game and it was just so dark out and quiet that I started to just go out of and everything thing felt like a dream. My Saxaphone felt and looked smaller, people looked skinnier, and I just felt like I was in a dream. I almost had a panic attack it got so fucking bad. My tics got out of control and I almost cried on the ride back.

Band also destroyed my mental health even more but I don't wanna quit.

One of my friends keeps getting on my nerves and I feel bad. Like, she talks about a lot about how her social life is going to go down the drain when we get older and she talks about how she's always texting first in the group chat and all this other stuff about how lonely she feels and it's pissing me off. She's upset because band really takes up a lot of me and our other friends time and we don't get to hang out as much and she makes it sound like it's our fault.

We signed up for it. We have to commit to it. I'm sorry if we can't spend time but like, stop blaming it all on us. Because she's pissing me off and me stressed out even more and my temper is getting out of hand.

I keep feeling touches all over my body again but it's worse. I feel like the touches are coming from actual people and I just freeze and and shake.

I often get in my blogs people telling me I seem like a kind person and I don't even know if I am or not. The past few months I've been losing myself. I feel empty but mad at the same time.

I keep getting violent images in my head and violent urges. I want to bash someone's head in. I want to break someone's arm. I want to really hurt someone and it makes me shake and want to cry. It's too much, it's way too much.

I keep getting violet images, sexual images and i just can't anymore.

I almost tried to overdose myself and I can't talk to anyone. I can't talk to my friends, not my brothers or my band mates or my parents. And then there's my best friend. I don't know. I'm scared if I tell them anything I'll mess things up with them.

Noises keep pissing me off. Sneezes, people talking, laughter, music, everything. Everything is so fucking loud. Everytime I hear a noise I just want to shut it up immediately. Leaving the room won't help.

I've been experiencing really bad mood swings and I'm letting my anger take over me. I don't have keys to my hosue and I walk home everyday. So I have to wait for someone to open the door. One day I got home and nobody was home. I had a whole rampage on my front porch. I was screaming, cursing and kicking things all over my porch in broad daylight. I almost cried because of how mad I was and how nobody listened to me when I kept begging for keys. I'm not patient. And when my brother told me to wait I just snapped. I almost broke a part of my porch during that episode. I was laughing while crying because I was just so frustrated and pissed and I just wanted to go home.

Im so touch starved and I just want someone to love me. Someoen to hug me, someone to kiss me, someone to love me. I feel so lonely and I see my best friend with their boyfriend and I just wonder why no one loves me.

I'm losing myself. I'm losing control everyday, and I know I'm close to snapping.