#i can handle the posts i just can't cope with the being told if we don't like it we're setting feminism back 50 years or whatever tf

[irbcallmefynn]

Okay this is a very hard post for me to make but i feel like i have to make it. I can't be quiet about this any more. I can't keep saying it where nobody will see it because i need people to see it. If the friends of anyone mentioned in this post want to send it their way, feel free. This is not a call-out post. This is an apology, and an ask for explanation.

I want to preface what I'm about to say with: I'm not mad at anyone mentioned in this post. I don't think anybody in The Creachures is. We all miss you and wish things could've worked out. I'm sorry if what I say comes off as hostile or aggressive, I'm not great at wording this sort of thing, and it's coming from a place of much emotion.

@hexedbug @juneibyou @xxthunderthedragon @bobisnotaperson @razzytism

You five have caused me a lot of stress and anxiety in not telling me what i did to hurt you. You haven't given me the opportunity to improve upon myself or correct these transgressions, or even apologize to you. I'm sure you're all at least somewhat aware of how I handle feelings like this, and I understand you not wanting to pander to me or hurt yourself by putting up with me and my Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. But you all let me down very harshly, and I've been unable to move past what happened because of it. You've made being on Tumblr miserable, to the point you're making me consider quitting Tumblr, because being on here and seeing you constantly and feeling that sense of hatred hurts, especially when you're being closer to my friends than they are with me. I've been told you don't hate me, but it's hard to believe and accept that when, in my head, you've all decided to block me for unknown reasons, and denied me the ability to apologize.

Hexed. I understand you find what I post about weird. And I understand I was interacting with people who "dragged the server down". You're the one I understand the reasoning of the most. Not following me back because you don't like my posts is fine, though you could've just blocked tags/post content about that stuff. If I was tagging things improperly you should've told me so I could correct it, instead of letting it sit inside you until you couldn't handle it. I get I was encouraging people to vent in Tau Heximus 2, something you didn't want. But again, you should have said something, or done something. I contributed to making your server a place you didn't enjoy. I feel like you wanted both a strictly positive place, and a place where people can be honest and close, two things that don't mesh. I chose the one that I enjoyed more, a close, honest community. I'm sorry I went against your wishes.

June. When you left the server, you said that "Bug Squad" were real ones, and that you still liked us. You then went on to call us and our friends Delusional for starting a new server after the old server's death. That hurt immensely. I understand you were in an emotional place, but using a word like that is not acceptable. You also went to my girlfriend's private vent blog to target it directly. You're the only one I ever blocked, because you were being actively hateful, and betrayed my trust directly. I have since unblocked you, though, because I'm not mad at you, not anymore. You were trying to cope with what happened, and I get it. I just wish you handled things more gracefully and politely. I'm sorry for whatever I did to hurt you, besides joining a new server. Just, please, work on your emotional control some, so outbursts like this don't happen again.

Thunder. You're the one I miss the most. I felt so close to you. You almost felt like a brother to me. But the way you've been avoiding bringing up what I did to hurt you makes me feel like you either don't want me to know what i did, or don't know what I did yourself. I just wish you'd be more open to talking, so we can work things out. I'm so sorry for hurting you.

Bobbu. I thought we were still friends when you invited me to join Art and Slimes. I turned it down because I don't think I could handle a server of that size, and had already joined the new server. While we maybe weren't as close as some of the others, I still considered you a friend. I'm sorry for whatever I did.

Raz. I am so, so sorry for everything that happened. TH2 was the only place that you had found comfort and support in to such a degree, and I've been worried about how you've been without that support. I feel like you used to trust me a lot, enough to confide in me about some of your issues. I wish I knew what I did to betray that trust.

There's three others I wish to bring up that haven't hurt me as bad, but I still wish to say something to.

Mars, I'm glad we're still friends. But it feels like you're less a part of Bug Squad than you are Hexed and June's friend group. I'm always worried about the state of our friendship, since you interact with them so much more than Me, Rico, and Tetra. I just feel excluded and neglected, is all. I'm sorry.

Yaza, I don't know how to feel about you. You're clearly more of June and Hexed's friend than mine. Clearly you don't like the new server because we kept bringing this stuff up in the early days, and I'm so sorry for that. I just wish we could still be friends. Because right now it doesn't feel like you want to be my friend.

Eblu. I don't know what to think of you. You're a good guy, really. But when you say you're my friend and then turn around a few days later and say "if you're friends with [close friend of mine] don't interact with me" I have issues with that. Deciding that everyone who's friends with someone is now bad because they made a mistake is not okay. Yes, it was bad that it happened. Yes, that friend should've been more careful. You are valid for being upset by what you saw. But you don't have to declare everyone who likes that person undesirable. You took it too far.

There are two things I did that I feel I need to apologize for that I actually know of.

When Tau Heximus 2 was dying, I had said that killing the server would kill me. That was disgusting of me. I should not have said that. It was emotionally manipulative of me. I was scared, and confused, I had never experienced something like that before, the loss of somewhere that felt like home, it really felt like I was going to die, and I spoke with my heart instead of my head. If this is what I did to hurt you, I am deeply sorry for saying something so uncomfortable. I'm doing my best to keep my emotional responses under control. And I hope that should anything like that happen again, I won't have such a dramatic response.

I would also like to apologize for being so difficult to help. Whenever I'm offered advice on how to improve or fix something, I have a habit of coming up with excuses, or just flat out rejecting it. I don't mean to come off as ungrateful or opposed to your help. Stressful situations cause me to mentally shut down in a way where anything to help that takes even a slight amount of effort becomes an insurmountable task. I'm trying my best to be more receptive of help, even if it's just agreeing that it would help. I just wish I had the means and energy to actually act on the advice. I am so sorry for anyone who I've hurt by denying your help. Offering me advice does help me mentally, because it lets me know people care, but I feel terrible that I hurt people by not being able to accept and act on the help.

This isn't a call-out post. This is me asking for clarification on what I did wrong, apologizing for what I know I did, and wishing to clear things up.

Thank you for reading.

[blouisparadise]

Today we have the third part of our hurt/comfort rec list for you! You can find part one here and part two here. If you enjoy our rec lists, please be sure to like and reblog this post to help spread the word.

1) Wanna Feel the Edges Start to Burn | Explicit | 6,111 words

Harry gives him a gentle smile. “Feeling a little bit better?” Louis nods tentatively. “I think so yeah. Thank you so much for being so kind, but you really didn’t need to do this.” He lifts his unfortunately still shaky hand and runs it haphazardly through his hair. “It was just a spilled tea, I totally overreacted. I’m a bit embarrassed to be honest.” Harry scoffs. “Are you kidding me? Don’t be. I saw the whole thing, that guy was way out of line. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Louis gives him what he’s sure is a watery smile. “Erm thank you. I wouldn’t normally admit this to a stranger, but you’ve already seen me cry today so what the hell?” He forces himself to let out a weak laugh. “The thing is, my period is due any day now and sometimes the birth control pills make my emotions go a little haywire. I think that’s what happened.”

2) Quietly Our Hearts Beat | Explicit | 7,539 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be ready by AO3 users.

Louis and Harry in the universe of ‘A Quiet Place’.

3) Waiting | Explicit | 10,517 words

Louis Tomlinson was Harry’s omega, of this Harry had always been sure. Unfortunately for Harry, Louis seemed to think they were just best friends. The six weeks that Harry has to live with Louis were going to be rough.

4) All This Delusion In Our Heads | Explicit | 15,088 words

After Harry and Louis break up, they cope with it in very different ways. What will happen when Harry keeps calling his ex over when things go wrong in his life, but Louis just can't take it anymore?

5) Just My Style | Explicit | 15,443 words

Harry is sick, and the only thing that might help him is the pheromones from his mate--problem is, he hasn't got a mate. Louis' just been disowned, and taking part in a medical study where he has to cuddle with some strange alpha seems to be his only option for earning a bit of cash. The hippies and Omega Rights campaigners are busy changing the world--but all Harry wants is a chance to live.

6) How You Sleep At Night | Mature | 15,568 words

The one where Louis thinks he got left because he might be too much to handle, but then Harry appears in his life again.

7) Somebody's Got Your Trainers On (It's You) | Explicit | 28,000 words

Louis hasn't thought about Harry since half an hour after the shift started, when Krystle told him that she was binging Gogglebox last night and therefore didn't get enough sleep - a sure reminder of Harry’s temporary Gogglebox obsession. Five hours isn't much without thinking about someone, but that's as long as it gets. Louis came to terms with that two years ago. When Harry walked out the door with his stupid New Balance trainers and never looked back.

8) Let Me Carry Your Weight | Explicit | 28,633 words

Louis is fresh out of a bad relationship with someone who made him feel awful about how he looked. On his journey to better himself, he meets Harry - the ridiculously attractive and fit personal trainer.

9) Compass to my Soul | Teen & Up | 31,439 words

Note: This fic does not have smut, but it's omega Louis, so we included it.

Harry Styles, alpha, is 1/4 of the perfect pack, and 1/5 of world famous boy band One Direction. He spends his time touring the world with his best friends and family. Louis Tomlinson, omega, is 1/5 of world famous boy band One Direction. He spends his time hoping his bandmates don’t notice him.

10) Stuck On You | Explicit | 33,983 words

Louis’ life revolves around his stickers. Harry’s life revolves around his job. The universe has decided their worlds should revolve around each other.

11) A Common Place Affliction | Not Rated | 36,508 words

“You should go home,” Louis muses, and Harry can feel the omega crouch down to become eye level with Harry, poking his cheek with a dainty finger. Harry lifts his arm, taking a peek at Louis’ face. Louis looks tired, he notes, but not exhausted, and there’s an eyelash stuck to his cheek. Harry doesn’t hesitate to lazily reach out and thumb over his cheek. “Can’t,” Harry croaks, blindly twisting his hand around to grab at Louis’ offending finger and just holding it. “C’mere. Take a nap with me,” he asks after a beat, opening an eye to look at Louis. Louis raises an eyebrow. “M’not going to nap with you in the middle of the ER, H.” Sighing, Harry squeezes the young nurse’s finger. “Nobody cares.” He knows they do; they’ll annoy nurses and probably worry patients when they catch sight of a nurse and surgeon sleeping on the job. Let alone in the middle of the emergency ward hallway. Harry can hear the complaints now: ‘these are the people we’re supposed to trust with our lives?’

12) To Paint A Symphony | Explicit | 40,583 words

Despite being a wedding painter, Louis has never had quite an optimistic outlook on marriage life. Love, sure, he’s a hopeless romantic and he longs for a sweet partner, to feel adored and cherished, but a part of him will forever doubt that love can last forever, a spark never lasts long, after all, so he paints because strokes of paint can remain forever and unchanged if looked after properly, cared and cherished the way he wished he could be, safe from an unsure future. Harry, on the other hand, as a performer and lyricist, indulges in pleasure. He loves love, never wastes a moment, never hesitates, always so sure of what he wants. Songs come and go on the radio, sometimes forgotten, sometimes transcending generations, the way people leave, and others stay. He never thinks of a future because he only ever lives in the present and he never was egocentric enough to think he could make a real impact and his art could outlive him. At a wedding under summer skies and surrounded by endless sea, two seemingly polar opposite lovers meet, and perhaps one learns to let himself feel and fall, and the other lets himself hope and cling on.

13) Wild Hearts Run Free | Explicit | 42,979 words

Harry is an alpha who is harbouring a dark secret, one that has forced him into self-imposed isolation, far from civilization and far from temptation. Louis is an omega who has fought the predispositions of his secondary gender his whole life and suddenly finds himself cast aside by his beta partner, leaving him to question his place in the world. When fate and Mother Nature conspire to trap the two strangers together, will Harry’s worst fears be proven, or will Louis find a way to break down his walls and lead him into the light?

14) This Glass House | Mature | 43,012 words

While deployed, Alpha Harry gets injured by an IED explosion, leaving him to deal with severe injuries in its devastating aftermath. During his road to acceptance and recovery he learns with the help of Louis and their children just how important family can be for the mind, body, and soul.

15) Hold Me How the Deep Night Has | Explicit | 48,018 words

Louis Tomlinson needs a change. Stuck in a cycle of going to the job he hates, spending time with his friends, and avoiding the one man he hates most in this world, Louis' in desperate need of something new. So when he discovers an abandoned notebook on the way to work, the decision is easy to take it for himself and begin a journal amidst the empty pages. What can't be expected are the words that appear overnight directly beside his own, written on the same day 400 years in the past. What are the consequences of a magical connection between two men of different centuries? And who, among it all, is the mysterious E who only exists on the other side of Louis' journal?

16) Made For Lovin’ You | Explicit | 52,637 words

The one where a quick, horny decision ruins Louis’ summer plans, but may also lead to unexpected discoveries. Featuring the road trip of dreams, misunderstandings, and a bit of fate. The one where a quick, horny decision ruins Louis’ summer plans, but may also lead to unexpected discoveries. Featuring the road trip of dreams, misunderstandings, and a bit of fate.

17) Gallery Of Us | Explicit | 55,778 words

Harry knew what he was doing in life, everything laid out in black-and-white, each day pleasantly predictable. Cue lively art student, Louis, trying to find his place. An almost insufferably happy person who sometimes forgets to hide the way they feel meets the person who is diligent enough to notice and determined to make a difference.

18) Untamed Hearts Align | Explicit | 55,795 words

For as long as Louis has known her, Lady Margaret Tomlinson has had two aspirations for the remaining years of her life. The first was to out-dress the Duchess of Kent at every soirée and gathering. The second was to marry off her omega nephew to the most honorable – and highly ranked – alpha suitor she could find. He does not expect for her to arrange a marriage between him and the crown prince, and he certainly does not expect to fall for him. Everything changes when Harry disappears.

19) I’ve Got You | Explicit | 62,988 words

As a reward for saving the king's life, Harry is offered omega Prince Louis' hand in marriage. Neither of them has any interest in the union going forward, and so they concoct a plan to prove to the king that they are far from a perfect match.

20) You're Umami Baby | Mature | 87,429 words

Harry is a chef who never experienced umami until he meets his new dishwasher, Louis.

21) Echoes & Omens | Mature | 100,707 words

Echoes of the dead come in many forms. Their imprints forever tied to the ones who'd killed them. Louis Tomlinson is able to track the dead using their echoes, they call to him. He's used that gift to aid Scotland Yard in their investigations, with the hopes of studying Criminology at Cambridge University. He's lived a life of privilege and good fortune as a Marquess, son of the late Duke Tomlinson, with his life mapped out since day one. Until two terrible truths are revealed. One, he's adopted. Two, his biological parents are London's most notorious serial killers. Against his family's wishes, Louis travels to Chicago to uncover the truth of their incarceration. Much to his dismay, his biological mother's Lawyer, Harry Styles, wants to take his case. Together, they work to uncover what really happened all those years ago, but perhaps more is revealed than they could've ever anticipated. Trapped in a whirlwind of portents and omens, Louis and Harry find themselves pitted against an enemy they'd not foreseen.

22) You’ve Got A Higher Power, You’re Once In Any Lifetime | Explicit | 113,444 words

Giving up and letting them think they're right were never valid options in Louis Tomlinson's mind. In a society full of prejudices, finding a family and being accepted, also seemed like an unrealistic utopia. Louis sets out to do what no other of his kind ever has before and in doing so, he finds love, friendship and more about himself than he thought he would.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[idkjustletmescroll]

Some incoherent ranting/rambling i guess

I really don't understand some people's obsession with fictional characters doing shitty things just conveniently...NOT KNOWING that they're bad?? Idk if that makes ANY sense at all it's 3 in the goddamn morning but let me explain--

I was doom scrolling, as one does, when I came across a tiktok of a marvel fan explaining why actually wanda maximoff had no idea what she was doing with the hex, which, sure, holds true for the BEGINNING of wandavision. But we're shown pretty clearly during the rest of the show that she knows what she's done, how it's affecting the townspeople, and that it's not real...she just needs it to be real. She can't cope with her ACTUAL reality. Her family is gone, and the ones that remain are busy dealing with their own traumas and families (i.e. clint, who I still argue WOULD have tried to find her and help her post-endgame, even if he desperately needed some downtime with his family--but moving on). I'm a wanda maximoff stan, she's my girl, my favourite, my one and only, but she's not a complete idiot. She knew what she was doing. I don't care that she did an objectively bad thing, I care about why she did it and kept on doing it--which is so much more interesting to me, anyways.

Alicent Hightower in HOTD? According to the writers, had no clue that, actually, years of talking about how aegon should be the heir to the throne would result in people ACTUALLY SCHEMING to get him on the throne, even though she seems to be heading the effort the entire time? Listen, the HOTD fandom is something else, and the way they talk about alicent genuinely scares me, but alicent being worried for her kids' safety, reluctantly cutting off all affection for Rhaenyra because she's genuinely terrified for her kids' lives, even just the spite of wanting her years of suffering and humiliation to mean something; alicent being both a ringleader and a pawn in a man's game, because ultimately she's resigned to the fact that the closest she can get to winning in this system (under this wheel, if you will), is finding the best man to propel to victory/be a pawn for because she as a woman will ultimately never be the victor herself--is SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING than "okay, yeah, she spent years declaring how unfit her ex-bff/stepdaughter is to rule, but she didn't know people would actually take that seriously...she just wants rhaenyra to be OKAY, yall..." (I have a lot of feelings about how the show wrote alicent, okay?)

And arcane is one of my favourite shows of all time, and I've been lucky enough to MOSTLY stay on the good side of the fandom, which, from my end, is usually pretty amazing with an appreciation for nuanced media. But it genuinely makes my blood boil when I see people claim that Vi "could have gone back for jinx on the bridge" (ep. 7), when the moment they're referencing is vi supporting an injured Caitlyn, who almost died by jinx's bombs, RIGHT AFTER JINX SHOT AT THEM BOTH, AND RIGHT AFTER EKKO TOLD VI TO GO. "She left her sister to get beat up--" everything in vi's face in that scene speaks to her reluctance. She's holding up a girl she's growing closer to, who could actually be grievously injured, and she knows, at this point, that jinx is irrational--jinx just shot at her. Like...we knew that vi wasn't going to die, but she could've really easily. Ekko says he'll handle it. There's another bomb. Vi goes back to look for jinx AS SOON as Caitlyn's sitting down somewhere relatively safe (at which point, you know, she sees jinx being picked up by silco and his sidekicks). The point is, people act, with scenes like this one, like jinx was chucking paint bombs, not shooting fucking bullets en masse. I love all the arcane characters; jinx is such an interesting one, and her hallucinations and delusions do tend to make us wonder how much responsibility we can rightfully place on her shoulders. But people are really out here acting like she didn't...almost kill vi and cait there? We, from jinx's perspective, know that she saw Caitlyn as the literal devil; from vi and cait's povs, she just kind of walked up and tried to kill them. Am I making my point yet?

Speaking of arcane, i hope in season 2 we get scenes of characters from piltover who are really rooting for the oppression of the undercity. Not because of what jinx did, not because of the war, not because they "just don't know" how bad it is...because they make a profit off of it, and for that they are perfectly content letting people become dependent on drugs and make their livings from dangerous work in factories and mines. The whole point of "the city of progress" is that it became what it was off the backs of the undercity. We get a lot of characters in season 1 REALIZING the conditions down there, but I want them realizing in season 2 that not everybody was sheltered, they were just making a profit. (I kind of want to see Heimerdinger called out, too. Like, yeah, he's fluffy and cute and stuff, but if he's the founder of piltover, he's also been there since the beginning of the undercity, and didn't care because immortality yada yada. Have I envisioned scenes of ekko calling vi a sellout and she's just like "bitch and who the fuck are you working with?" and everybody's miserable? Yes. Yes I have. And don't come for me, ekko is the mvp of this show. Let a girl dream).

Even people like Tony Stark...people be acting like he's not actually an asshole a lot of the time. Or that he didn't know what weapons did before he stopped distributing them. I like tony, he's entertaining. But I'm not going to act like I need him to be a saint who didn't know shit about the world or basic courtesies to like him.

Idk if fandoms are just weird like that, but you can like your fave even if they do shitty things. They don't always have to be helpless, or just too stupid to realize what's going on. I don't understand why so many people are opposed to being entertained by people who do shitty things. Where's the appreciation for the drama? The messiness? The chaos?

[atastypeach]

listen, Rolan's whole story just hits me really hard. Yes, this game is about breaking cycles, but I feel like addressing Rolan's cycle of abuse is something I gotta talk about because it's eating me up inside.

So through this game, we're told all about Cazador. Astarion isn't shy about making damn sure everyone knows just how much of a god awful wretch he is. And regardless of which ending you choose for Astarion - he gets to break free from his abuser. Sure, the cycle has a strong chance of continuing if you let him ascend, but this post isn't about it. It's about the catharsis of him killing Cazador. I think anyone who has been the survivor of abuse - in any form - may have found something truly freeing about Astarion getting to remove his shackles. But for me, something was missing. And what was missing was the secrecy of the abuse. I'm 33. I didn't face the worst of my abuse until I was 28. But that abuse went unnoticed by most people in my life. Came at the hand of my stepfather after my mom died of a terminal illness. Your tl;dr: I escaped his abuse in January of this year after years of torment. But it took people who loved me for me to realize what was happening. And I see this in Rolan too.

See, I failed at saving Rolan my first game. My game sequence broke. He didn't spawn until after I had completed Moonrise Towers and broke into the prisons. Saved him then but well. He turned on me in the end because I didn't save Cal and Lia. I'm sorry honey, blame the coding of the game being screwy, not me. But in Rolan I see a lot of myself. Not to be a kinnie on main (A/N: I am not a kinnie) but this young man shares an uncomfortable amount of traits with me, from being an overworking nerd, to being so desperately loyal to my loved ones, to drinking intensely when i can't cope with my emotions (I'm in therapy for this) and much more. And his story line has resonated with me as someone who has experienced hidden abuse. When we first meet him, he speaks highly of Lorroakan and his apprenticeship. The only real indication we get that Lorroakan might be bad news is from Gale who calls him a blowhard or something like that. We just know he's kind of a tool. But when we first meet Rolan - he's a tool. A match made in heaven, so what does it matter. But what we don't see is once we get to act three, how Rolan handles this apprenticeship with Lorroakan. And as someone who has seen both outcomes now...it hurts to see. If you fail to save Cal and Lia, Rolan follows Lorroakan blindly. He does as he wishes. He regards you with contempt and disdain. He sides with a man who we only know from a vague journal post in his bedroom that he may be experiencing abuse. He becomes Lorroakan's pawn doing precisely what he wishes. He dies for Lorroakan. A man we know has been exploiting, abusing and harming him. A man who likely knew he had Rolan wrapped around his finger because he is all Rolan had left. No family. No friends. No home to return to. Rolan is a nobody with only this wizard as his grounding point. There is no one for him, so Lorroakan has the perfect plaything. The perfect pawn. He can do whatever he wants to Rolan and there is no one to save him. And the worst part? Rolan was probably content to do just that. Sure, Lorroakan might be beating him, verbally harassing him and even worse -- but Lorroakan didn't let his family die. He wasn't the cause of Rolan losing the people he loved. And we never learn that he's being hurt until after he's already dead. But if you save him? You save his family? He recognizes his worth. He has family who see him for who he is. Who see his strengths. He has people worth living for and he has the opportunity for so much growth. He recognizes, likely thanks to the love and support he has from not only his siblings - but from you as a player, that he's being hurt. He's being exploited and used and harmed. He knows he is being abused and he wants to fight back, for his sake and for the sake of others - for his family, for Dame Aylin, for you.

IDK man, I just wanted to ramble about this. Because Rolan's own survivor story covers the hidden abuse that doesn't always get talked about. The abuse of someone who desperately is trying to remain strong in the face of it. I could probably keep rambling. Talk about how he was willing to die for Lorroakan because Lorroakan was all he had left, in his bad ending. But I think I've said my peace. I got him killed in my first playthrough, but in my second (which I'm still finishing) I feel like I'm doing myself a kindness in turn by offering him the love and support he needs. I love him. A lot.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

You know I've been seeing alot of post of how lunar should HAVE a villian arc and I'm like, WHY? guys, remember that what if lunar was evil, and so far, all he did was break things with the star I don't think being a villian would really do anything

Lunar isn't really entering his Villain Arc.

He's more entering his "angsty teen arc" again like he was at the beginning of his revival.

Earth can't even be in a safe environment where she can have open and clear communication around Lunar, because Lunar will twist it to make it all about him.

Earth legit can not talk about how Lunar made her feel, without Lunar talking about himself when it's HER turn to talk. He legit can't help himself.

Has to talk about how the Astral Bodies might kill him, and while, yes that is important, Solar even told Lunar that we have to take it one step at a time, and talk about it another time cause that is an entirely different thing. Yet Lunar disagreed. Because it's about HIM and his feelings. Despite it was Earth's turn to talk about her feelings, and he didn't listen to her. Again. Which only serves to hurt Earth. (not intentionally. Lunar is not doing this maliciously)

Lunar is a being of emotion and someone who thinks really self-centeredly, which is why the conversation went so badly, also partly because Earth can't keep a cool head but I feel her reactions are justified, and Solar was out of the loop and had no idea that Earth is legit traumatized and scared of Lunar.

Lunar is in need of help and guidance but it really needs to be someone outside of the family.

(A desperate part of me wonders if this is how they will go back to Lunar and Eclipse reconnecting in this way. But personally, I think it's not good for Eclipse to talk to Lunar. For both of them)

Evil!Lunar from his dimension actually just blew Eclipse up cus he was sick of the abuse and proceeded to blow up everyone else too. Which I don't think Lunar is heading down that path but he's going to be very angsty for awhile.

This all sounds harsh but this is someone who absolutely loves Lunar.

I thought that Lunar wouldn't take Gemini's justified callout of him not be able to handle anything to heart, but it feels like he just can't process a lot of what they said.

Understandable as well. Lunar has a lot thrown at him right now, but this is all his own fault and it wouldn't feel so huge if he actually worked through his issues for better emotional coping skills. But if he did, he'd know how to ignore Eclipse and not kill him.

Gemini really told Lunar all those harsh things because they care about Lunar, so much. (And Lunar is just too inner focused to realize that Gemini is experiencing emotions. Probably for the first time other then their defaults, over him. Because they care for him that much.)

Lunar is also practicing self-harm. Yes, staying in the rain when it's not good for your systems rather then take Solar's offer of coming inside to just relax for a little while, is a form of self-harm.

Lunar feels like he has no control in anything, but he needs to take his power back. Not just literally. Mentally. Accept the things he can and can't control and put in the effort if not for himself at least for his family.

But Lunar at the moment doesn't want to die, but he doesn't want to live either.

Earth doesn't want Lunar to suffer, and she does love him, but she's scared with him, can't be alone with him, and she feels so worthless.

Not so fun fact. Psychologists have a really high suicide rate as a profession. It's so discouraging to see patients not take your advice, deliberately make themselves worse, and end their own lives, you can't help feel responsibility for that. Earth feels unappreciated, and not listened to, and feels like she failed. Getting close to Lunar again will only serve to hurt her, and while that might be selfish of her, she KNOWS that. She knows that her not getting close to Lunar and taking her time is ALSO hurting him. She doesn't want to hurt him either, but what can she do? If it's just going to go back to how it was before of just avoiding the elephant in the room, Earth doesn't think she can deal with that if Lunar just flies off the handle for some reason or another, or hears something he doesn't like and just runs away or worse.

Yeah this isn't Lunar's villain arc.

This is his Emo Arc. Or angst arc if you prefer.

[chittychittyyangyang]

I just recently got caught up with RWBY and one of your posts made me realize something. You talked about showing not just healthy coping. ever since I saw Ruby start lashing out it made me feel uncomfortable and heartbroken. But it’s also weirdly cathartic to see her being angry and frustrated? Idk if you’ve seen Miraculous Ladybug but it reminds me of Marinette self destructing because to her, she is directly responsible for all the bad things that happen. Ruby also has that kind of mentality. It’s her fault Penny is gone, her fault Atlas fell, her fault Salem has the relics. Maria even mentioned it earlier “you really don’t give yourself enough credit”. Sorry this was really rambley, I was just feeling a lot of feels haha

Okay but why are there seemingly no mental heath workers in Remnant?

Anyway, it's something I feel like has been missing about the talks about what is or isn't healthy or what people should do. Because the thing about the trauma that everyone keeps talking about, is when it gets compounded and not addressed you get Jaune and Ruby. You don't always get PTSD from a traumatic event, but if you are unable to cope and deal that that stress? It greatly increases the chance. Something bad happening doesn't mean you will get trauama, we all go through bad things, the lack of or inadequate aid after does. The one fairing best out of the whole team right now is the only one after Beacon fell to have any good intervention for her metal health (it's Blake and the love and support from Ghira and Kali and eventually Sun).

When you don't know how to manage your emotions, when you have been trying to live up to an impossible standard, and when you feel like the whole world is on your shoulders you are gonna have a breaking point. More so at 17! Ruby has only had three caregivers to model after growing up: Tai who shut down, Qrow who was distant and an alcoholic, and Yang who tried her best to be the light Ruby needed but was never going to be enough because he was a child herself. She had them and her idolized version of Summer she wanted to live up to, all influenced by people's grief. And it's not like you're going to tell a child anything bad about her mother. You're probably only going to tell the me good positive things "Slayer of monsters and baker of cookies".

I care less about how "healthy" it is for her to have the outburst than what it means moving forward and how she handles whatever fallout there is (which let's be real, WBY have been more worried than upset with her, even if Weiss make's it seem like she is). When you are in such a heightened emotional state it's not okay to hurt people, but sometimes you will. Sometimes you might not have much control when your brain gets to a point where you can't even see the world around you anymore. Ruby is so blinded by her depression and the expectations she has put on herself she can't see that everyone around her is worried for her and loves her.

As a friend of mine is fond of saying about me "Depression is fundamentally a selfish thing". It doesn't matter Ruby knows her sister and friends love her, they don't know the position she's in because she's gotta be the one with the answer and has to do this. It's not an uncommon feeling since Yang told Weiss she wouldn't know what loneliness is like (which is still funny to me as a viewer). Ruby hasn't had that same kind of heart to heart with anyone with that same understanding, and I will admit to not knowing who would be best to reach her.

Speaking of rambely, this answer did. But seeing her go off was both uncomfortable and cathartic, and we know this is the start of her breaking, and I hope the start of her getting to a place where she can heal and grow stronger.

[pluraladvice]

first of all, saw your most recent post- we hope you guys heal quickly and feel better soon

this ask is pretty heavy, so i absolutely understand if you don't want to answer it right away.

cws for dormancy, implied worry of su!c!de, loss of in-system parent, self-hate, hating being part of a system

-

we have a caretaker very dear to our system. she's been active for over three years now. she has children in-system, a massive family, and partners outside of our system as well. she's a very frequent fronter and very well-known in-sys and outside, but she hated being part of a system. she has exomemories of being her own person, and wanted that back so badly despite rarely talking about it. she hated not being seen as herself.

she forced herself into dormancy yesterday.

i know better than to attempt pulling her out immediately, because alters go dormant for a reason, and hers was that she just stopped being able to cope with being part of a system, alongside a thousand other stressors and potential body-trauma the rest of us can't access. but besides that, i don't know what to do.

i'm the head gatekeeper for our system, so i've already made sure the rest of the system aside from a few can't know what happened. her two older children do know, mainly because they seem to be above me in the system, ability-wise. they'll handle how to explain to her youngest. but no one else can know, because they'll tell those on the outside, and no one we're close to is in a good enough state to handle the information- as in, i would be genuinely worried for their lives if we told them.

i don't know what to do from there. i hate myself for knowing this happened when no one else can, i hate that i couldn't stop her, i hate that i don't know if she'll ever come back, i hate that i can't tell the people who deserve to know.

i don't know how to cope with this. i feel lost.

-apate of @ninetysomethingsouls

Hating yourself for someone else's actions isn't going to help anything at all except stress yourself out more with the whole situation. However, I completely understand being lost and concerned and scared. This is a scary situation. I think you're handling it very well. I do think some people deserve to know, when the time is right, because no one deserves to stay in the dark about people they care about, specifically I'm talking about people outside of your system. When she does come back I would suggest that acceptance be worked on. Being apart of a system isn't always easy, but you are never going to make it easier on yourself by refusing to accept yourself as you are now. You cannot hate yourself or your fellow sysmates into versions that you like. So to speak, as I'm sure there wasn't any feelings of hate. For now, you need to concentrate on you and your system. You cannot do anything for or about her. Dormancy is something that is hard to deal with and even harder to pull someone out of. Sometimes it's better to deal with the system and let others deal with the dormancy issues. Maybe figure out how to delegate who should deal with what. But the system functioning is the most important thing, honestly. The last thing you want is for her to come out of dormancy to a dysfunctional system, you know? Just try to stay afloat the best that you can. And I'm very sorry this happened.

[soullistrations]

reactions about the new 911 behind a cut bc i'm not saying anything that hasn't already been said (and i'm about to reblog a few of those posts)

i've been watching a couple episodes late bc my partner got into it so we watch it together, and we were just. sitting there like. they're really comparing this child to a dog? they're really doing that?

like. they handled that whole plot line SO badly. the scare tactic music when karen found the ripped up stuffed animal, and again when she was at the foot of their bed? the fact that the social worker was like 'she made it known that she wanted to keep her blanket' but didn't feel the need to go into more detail so the foster family just had to figure out on their own that that was a trigger for her? like! as fosters, they should have gotten SO much more information, but the way the episode was structured was for *drama* instead of empathy or accuracy. the ending, with karen telling mara how strong and brave she was, and that she didn't need to be brave, and identifying a positive coping mechanism to help with her transition? absolutely lovely. most of the rest of it? a mess.

as for hen being like 'i don't know if we can keep her'--i do think that set up was also for drama, bc as i said above, in a real circumstance i do think they would have been more informed. if it was just mara and no other children, i don't think hen would have brought that up at all. but...look. fostering is hard. she wasn't wrong about denny needing to feel safe in his own home. i think it would be realistic for her to be concerned about making sure the environment is safe for all the kids in the home. but that conversation itself, and the fact that hen needed to be convinced to give mara another chance through saving a traumatized dog, was trash. there was a better way to approach a complicated situation like that.

eddie's storyline was. fine. i can tell it was rushed bc of the short season, and some of the character beats that i think they would have taken more time on just had to be told to the audience in shorthand, and frankly, i can forgive that. bobby's scene with eddie was very nice. how relieved he was by her moving out at the end was, frankly, funny. like 'haha i can't wait to move out' '*relieved sigh* me EITHER' girl if i was marisol i would be so offended.

buck is a hot mess and i'm glad tommy gave him another chance bc he made an absolute fool out of himself, but his scenes with maddie and eddie were both really nice.

overall it just. hm. it felt uneven. like eddie and buck's storylines were both treated in a really light way, which kind of worked with the subject matter and resolution of their plots. but then when hen and karen's got a...sort of similar treatment? with the ~~spooky child~~ thing they were trying at the beginning of the episode, it rang very unsympathetic and dehumanizing toward a little black girl in pain, which is not what i want, need, or expect from this show.

[doin-just-fine]

What the brain doin?? PT. 2 of a questioning median system's journey

TW: This post may be triggering for systems who are prone to denial spirals.

"Plural vs Neurodivergent"

Am I a system or just neurodivergent

As I continue my potential system journey I want to make sure that I am open to other non-options as being answers to my situation. I don't wanna jump blindly into "I'm a system". I need to keep in mind that I am neurodivergent and just so happen to have a hyper-fixation on plurality. I need to remember that some symptoms may be confused with symptoms of my ADHD. I also need to make sure that I'm not just running into this because its one of my hyper-fixations. So...

Comparing masking and code switching to my experiences

Background

I was never really told about my ADHD beyond it makes it harder for you to control impulses, sit still, and focus. When I was diagnosed at age 8 there wasn't really enough information out there anyway. I started medication immediately and have been taking in every single day of my life since. I am now 22.

What handling my ADHD like this means:

Developing a tolerance to a dosages happened faster because I never took a break so I was on a really strong dosages really fast.

I grew up really distant from my ADHD symptoms (and other things) beyond the ones that broke through the medicated barrier.

When I take breaks from my meds now, I have the coping skills of a 2nd grader.

I am almost 100% certain that all my system questioning started when I ran out of meds and couldn't get more for several weeks back in April. The other things I grew up distant from were my emotions. I can feel the highs and lows but I can't feel the in-betweens. If you ask how I'm doing at any given moment I'll usually answer "idk" cus I genuinely don't know. I don't know how to answer that question.

My working theory as to why we might be a system is that we are a Neurogenic system. That our neurodivergency and how we coped with it is why we split off but in a "not-really" way.

Since I grew up with little information about what ADHD was and how distant I grew up from my own symptoms means that I am less familiar with the definitions of masking and code-switching than your average ADHD haver. I understand what they are and when I do them but I am fuzzy on how far those coping techniques go for me.

Comparing masking/code-switching to a plural experience.

Masking is typically defined as a technique used by neurodivergent people to hide their symptoms in an attempt to blend in with neurotypicals. Examples of this that I know I do are forcing eye contact, adding fill words when listening to someone to show you are actively listening ("right", "uh-huh", "totally", etc) usually paired with non-stop head nodding, not stimming or relying of little subtle stims, putting up with sensory nightmare environments, etc. When I find that when I'm adding things to my mask I have to actively remind myself while masking to do the thing but overtime it becomes habit.

Code-switching is typically associated with linguistics but is also used to describe the neurodivergent technique of context masking. From what I can tell, code-switching is what happens if you have two different friend groups with two very different vibes. When you hang out with one group you're going to mask and present yourself differently to fit in better than you would with the other group. Another popular example is theres you when you're with your friends and you're when you work in costumer service. Typically, those are two different ways of behaving. Code-switching and masking tend to over lap. Code-switching is like being able to pick the mask you put on.

I've read that typically, masking is unconsciously executed and code-switching is consciously executed.

Switching/Fronting can definitely fall into a similar pattern. If an alter is fronting and need to interact with someone they may mask to appear like the host OR if the host is co-con they may take control for a moment when interacting with someone. Similarly, some systems may have a member who's role is to go to work and so they may appear as the "work persona". I'm also sure there are systems who have members that are drawn out while around certain friends or friend groups, or even other system's alters!

You can start to see why this can get really confusing!!

Comparing my experience

It's so hard to draw the line on what is or isn't a "typical" experience anymore.

I disagree with the idea that masking is typically unconsciously utilized for me at least. I feel like my mask is always evolving and being improved upon, as a result I am constantly thinking about it and how well it's working. Yes, a lot of the mask becomes habit but on days where masking is hard I have to actively think about keeping up the mask.

As for code switching I feel like that can also become more unconscious over time. I worked in customer service for 4 years, I only had to actively think about code-switching for the first month really then it just became habit. In my first post, when describing what it's like to exist in my brain, one way I described it was:

"The way people describe masking but for me it feel like a more extreme level, where I’m not TRYING to change my behavior, it just sorta happens and I’m 'someone else'. What I called masking felt more like skipping songs in a playlist to get to the right one instead of putting on a mask."

I think this is actually me describing code switching. The other descriptions I listed in that post still stand.

I have never experienced someone else fronting (to my knowledge). As far as I'm aware I'm always in the front. I have no amnesia except for emotional amnesia where I am emotionally detached from certain memories. I'm going to make a separate post about dissociation because that's another confusing one. To really simplify, The closest I get to evidence of others in my mind are thoughts that don't feel like mine, and feelings that don't feel like mine.

I don't want to reflect on past times where I think someone may have been co-con and compare that to how I experience masking/code-switching because I can easily insert things that never happened into that reflection. Mayhaps I will wait until a moment like that happens after I post this and I'll make an edit to the post and reblog it.

Until then don't know what to conclude from all of this. Hopefully it helps someone else compare their experiences. If I am wrong about thing stated here please let me know. As always if you want me to expand upon something mentioned or have any questions, comments, or comparisons my asks are open please feel free to put it all there!!!

[yomiurinikei]

rei mekaru (shocker i know)

we r ginger liker solidarity.... yuuki/yuki likers and rei likers need to come together and be allied...

~*~

My identity hc for them

oh shit tumblr is auto formatting in bullet points thats fun. uhhh w/rei i pretty much like any combination of ace/aro spec + lesbian. 100% lesbian rei? aro lesbian rei? aroace rei? all epic all amazing. i started hc'ing this back in like.. vv early sdra days. and i think its just part of who i am now... i think she doesnt really experience much attraction in general and has a bit of a hard time labeling how she feels because. of her general emotional trauma. so tbh i can see her kinda rotating through labels? i think she keeps it very to her self tho. she doesn't like people assuming she's cishet but she also doesn't want to come out as straightn't, so she just snaps at people who try and drag her into convos about identity.

similarly i think she struggles with really.. going "wow this is so me this is exactly what i am" when it comes to gender identity. i think she's very.. "well im Definitely not a guy, and i dont think im anything else, so..." ie, she's more prone to defining herself by what she isn't than what she is. which is perfectly okay!!! i don't think she'd consider herself trans, but she may occasionally like the label genderqueer. (yes i know that trans people r anyone who's gender deviates from what they were told they should be, but while it is an umbrella term, people can decide if they like it for themselves a lot! and i don't think rei would really like any label other than "idk man its weird", which she likes to use on/off) again tho i dont think she's very into sharing that with people, at least as a teen.

Thoughts on their home life/family

im so curious what her time was like when she was all alone??? i think that's something thats fairly unexplored, is her time between her parents not being able to care for her, and her becoming self-sufficient. ultimately i dont have much to say here, i like how linuj handled her backstory, i just think it wouldve been cool to see more of it, not that there was any good place to write it in, but i love bonus modes and would like to see maybe how the dra survivors coped w/what they learned in the sixth trial in a bonus mode about how the kisa foundation became what it is now.

How i feel about their canonical writing/handling

mmm... tbh. i like rei, i think her growth from dra to sdra2 was handled well- she still feels like rei, while also serving her narrative role- ie. there's not much you can do when shawty gets exploded in the prologue and then has to play second fiddle to tsurugis viola of fucking evil. sadly, we can't do much with the kisa foundation and showing how rei and tsurugi have changed and have the pacing of the chapter still be intact, when we see rei, its mostly just her being voice of reason because someone has to give exposition on what the foundation knows while tsurugi has a meltdown. i think her development feels authentic and natural, if she maybe feels a biiit.. i dont know how to word it, but she almost feels a bit too calm? less snarky at points than i'd think she'd be, and than what i'd like to see. but again, we can explain that as being due to the role she has to play for the story.

ultimately, while not necessarily my cup of tea, i'm just not prone to latching onto characters like rei a whole lot! i def think she's handled well, oddly well for linuj in general, and v oddly well for a female character written by linuj. i like her, im just not brain rotted about her

The one thing i’d want to make canon about them

hmmmmm... im not gonna lie i can't really think of anything? after thinking about it while i typed up. essentially the whole rest of this post, i think it'd be cool if she and kabuya were friends after sdra2. yuuki is... .... ..........lets not talk about what hes up to, syobai and iroha are just a whole fucking mess. theyre a bit busy dealing with heads in boxes. and tsurugi is just sooo normal he's too normal really.

so i think they could meet and chat about how Fucking Insane the games were, in a way that other kg survivors wouldnt get, since they didnt have to deal with divine luck and what it does to people. also seeing as akane saved rei in dra and then. ya know. Soruko. i think that'd be a interesting convo for them to have, both kinda understanding more about akane taira. i think that'd be really neat!

My number one favorite ship for them

hm.... reikako by default of i dont think much about rei ships, and they have a significant amount of canon material. i do wonder though what their relationship was like pre-despair, it feels like a lot of the school life info we have is on utsuro or tsurugi? buuut yeah. also as kinda established i think rei is uncertain where she stands on attraction/her thoughts change a lot and. yeah. so this is less a romantic thing and moreso i want inside linujs brain so i can know what he thinks except he like. officially has stated he doesnt know shit abt sdra anymore which is SO UPSETTING

…Now everyone else i ship with them

i think rei/kizuna/kiyoka could be cute!!! also i kinda just like giving akane gfs, and i don't really think they'd be that compatible, but i think if they had a weird little queercoded friendship for like. the duration of one year during their stay at hpa, and it leaves akane feeling more confident and comfortable with herself as her own person, and leaves rei with a LOT of questions, while they also never really cross the line between friends and something more, that'd be cool and fun. just normal gals being pals things.

The thing i will NEVER ship

im so sorry. 2020 sdrainsta has made me incapable of terurei propaganda. i support people who ship it as a matter of fact im so glad we r now in a place where people can ship it or not ship it and everyone can just be fine and happy. but i dont think ill ever be able to see the vision.

a dynamic/relationship i wish was explored more (in canon, or in fandom)

i wish in sdra2 we saw more on the dynamic that grew between rei and mikako in dra. i think it'd be cool to see that discussed a bit more seeing how it was. mikakos in game memories that formed the basis for sora iirc.

thoughts on their design (appearance-wise)

mmm...... why the fuck did linuj use so much blue in the dra cast color palettes... i remember i had this dentist appointment that was really evil and like. literal hours longer than it was supposed to be, and to try and distract myself i went through the cast and counted who had blue in their design and who didnt. it took a long time because i was in so so so much pain but like. iirc its just mikako akane and yuki. and also mikako wears blue in ch4. so. THATS NOT RELEVANT THOUGH.

uhhhh. im not a huge fan of her outfit just because i dont like the skirt. her og design was a school uniform and i think it kinda shows and im not a huge fan of it? my brain keeps getting mixed up on the length of her skirt but yeah. its just so vibrant and pigmented and so is her hair and its like. the lower half of her fit just feels so high school uniform and i dont really like it. i think her hair is super cute in the bonus sketch (the just-woke-up one) on her character sheet tho.

i also don't really like her fit in sdra2. i think the labcoat is super nice (i like the ombre effect it looks good) and while its not too practical i dont hate the vest short skirt tights combo. but im not a fan of the color palette, its just so dark, so u have her bright hair and the bright coat, but the dark grey and black, in vertical stripes just kinda dominates it in my brain. and i don't really like it? i really dont like the grey with her hair.

she is very pretty. but im not a fan of the fits linuj puts her into

A music-related thought- a song that reminds me of them, or what their music taste is, etc

hmmm.. this is a very foreign concept to me but i dont think reis huge on music. i think for the most part she listens to songs she has memories associated with- she doesn't seem huge on the arts or. ya know. emotional connection? so i think while she wouldn't really vibe with anything particular of her own accord, listening to music which was playing when something emotional happened to her both improves the music, and also. helps her with being in touch with her emotions and letting herself feel. if that makes sense?

[fdrsamericanflagduckfloaty]

- - - - - - - - -

i compiled angst abt TR + his sons because i. ... i got bored. and because it'll help me w/ writing angst when i have all of this in one spot.

im just posting it w/ a specific tag so i can find it when i need it kslkskd this post is also kinda long btw

--

TR himself - batshit insane

-

Okay so this mf has enough angst to fill. An entire. Like. Pool. But we'll start w/ the most known:

His wife & Mother dying on the same day just hours apart.

We all know how it goes but if you don't, his first wife, Alice Hathaway Lee, and his mother, Mittie Bulloch, died just hours apart on Valentine's Day, 1884.

And at the Funeral:

There's going to be... a lot more photos. The grieving is so intense I can't leave it out at all.

Doesn't this sound like an unhealthy coping mechanism? TR never really got the grip of coping healthily, but this isn't the earliest example, which I'll touch on soon.

It's beyond reasonable - and in fact correct - to assume he never entirely, fully got over Alice Lee. He never mentioned her again. Not on record, at least, and certainly not once in his autobiography. He mentioned his mother a handful of times at most. And this is where I say this part makes me feel nauseous because of how damn sad it is.

TR, as I said, never came to terms with Alice's death, and he never would. Over decades maybe he could handle a brief sorrowful thought of her, maybe a second. But I don't think anybody would be wrong in assuming he still could never truly talk of her. It sounds sad, but it's true. He never handled grief well.

I do think this is one of the periods of TR's life that you hear of but, never seeing it mentioned again, really enforces that he wanted her gone. He couldn't stand the thought of her. Which... do. Do you see the therapy that he desperately needed?

WELL if you thought this was it then you were wrong!!

His father died when he was nineteen. TR idolized his father beyond all else. He had a massive portrait of the man in his office and he always wondered what his father would do in times of strength during his presidency.

And TR admitting fear is a very, very rare thing, because you don't. Actually see it often. He'd be more likely to admit to a crime.

So for his father to die, and not being able to see him before (TR couldn't arrive in time), really, really left its mark on him. This was also around the time he had a spat with his then-close-friend, future-second-wife Edith in a small summer house. His father's death left him grieving and the argument left him. Well. Seething, for lack of a better word.

TR was actually able to acknowledge his father. That was the only difference.

But he also needed extreme help by the time Valentine's Day 1884 rolled around, and I am not alone in that thought.

I'd also like to mention that the argument I referenced above is never going to be explored beyond what is known: They argued, it was intense, and it ended any romantic prospects between them for years. Other than that? We have abso-fucking-lutely nothing. Nothing to go off of. Neither ever told anyone what they argued about. All Edith said was that Theodore 'wasn't very nice', and TR just said they both had tempers. Other than that once again? Nothing.

He also experiences even more grief later but we'll touch on that later.

TR almost lost Edith, as well, during 1898 when the Spanish-American war was ramping up to its climax of official war.

It did not get better. As you'll see, this was also when Ted was put under suffering, aswell.

*Cut because the rest is in Ted's section*

Even though it ended well, TR was likely getting flashbacks (or intense reminders) of what happened with Alice Lee just 14 years ago. And in those 14 years I'm very sure he wasn't fully done suppressing the memory. Being put under such strain twice doesn't do well on a person, nor their mental stability.

And now I'd like to mention: TR possibly having bipolar disorder.

Listen I'm not going to go in detail because I have before (probably, if not just send an ask that tumblr hopefully wont eat), but basically, traumatic experiences when he was so young, multiple injuries, almost dying countless times when he was young as he had asthma, and never truly coping, and honestly just naturally, he could have had Bipolar Disorder.

I find this theory interesting and it's very believable. He could be all over the place, smiling and ecstatic, swinging his limbs around, and then the next, quiet, gloomy. Suppressed. He never calmed down enough unless it was serious. Now, it could've just been his natural personality and behavior. But he was reckless, bold, daring, a risk-taker, and didn't ever really care about dying as much as he should have.

TR ignored his doctor basically telling him "DO NOT DO EXTREME SHIT. IT WILL HURT YOUR HEART. BADLY." and proceeded to be the goddamn president. Don't even mention climbing mountains and tough sports and putting himself under immense strain.

Hell I'd say it's worthy of a book (albeit short or not who knows), but there isn't one so far (as I know of) that focuses on that theory and goes in depth.

(But I do consider it a mild headcanon of mine for NATM purposes because I genuinely think it's something to consider, and hey, if you get memories, why wouldn't that pass over? Or I just like angst idk skkdnfgk)

Edith also suffered two miscarriages during the White House years, so the trauma of losing two unborn children must've hit pretty hard too.

i could go on even more about this sad meow meow bastard but lets move on. (Oh, the trauma I mentioned we'll touch on later, we will touch on near the end in Quentin's section.)

2. Ted // aka the one who was sort of forced to be the best

(also this mf was IMPOSSIBLE to search for. 'Ted' brought up words w/ -ted at the end and it took me so damn long to filter those results out)

This one below is in the White House. The two above are from 1898.

(the proudness is mildly concerning)

The 'nervous exhaustion' and migraines Ted ended up getting were because he was being pushed so hard at such a young age. I tried to find the book that had it (with no luck) but his mother admits that TR pushed Ted far more than the other children. Whether it was because Ted was his eldest son or his first or his namesake or all of the above I don't know, but after that pledge, TR doesn't seem as hard on Ted again in the rest of the Trilogy this lies in.

I also tried to find this next part with once again no luck. However I'll explain the best I can:

When Ted was in college, he got sick with a very violent case of pneumonia, to the point where he was put to bedrest. TR may've had a hard attitude to sickness but he came down to be by his son's bedside and the concern must have been intense. Ted's mother also came down and eventually Alice did too when she was allowed (they actually considered each other like siblings, probably some of the closest between the six with only a 3/2 year age difference). Ted did get better, but it was still worrying in the moment.

I can't find the copy (when I can I'll probably edit this post), but in another book, during WWI, Eleanor (Ted's wife, not FDR's, it's. It's confusing I know) confided in TR that Ted worried if his father was proud of him. TR was particularly surprised, but he told Eleanor that yes, of course he was proud of Ted. He called the war he fought in (Span-Am War) a bow and arrow affair compared to what Ted was fighting in -- a war with bombs and motherfucking aerophysics.

So in Ted you have the 'Heir who's really stressed' part of being a Victorian kid of someone who may or may not need lots of therapy and already have daddy issues (because he did. and i am right.)

OH!! FDR and Ted also had this weird rivalry and Ted basically disowned his ass and called him a maverick. Republican tings ykwim- FDR kept Ted's war moves from newspapers to stunt his cousin's political career (Which is a dick move), but even in the end, FDR presented the Medal of Honor to Ted's widow and admitted that TR would've been the proudest of Ted.

-

3. - Kermit: really sad guy

Okay Ted was fucking impossible to search for but Kermit is not thankfully

Kermit doesn't seem to be as ... optimistic or loud as the other kids, as you can tell.

*in reference to Harvard, where all four of the boys attended. FDR was also slighted for like the rest of his life bc he wasn't allowed in a club that Ted and Kermit got into lmao i just find that funny*

Kermit was also 'easy to bruise' and 'adored' by his mother but he was still... uh. Well. In short terms, traumatized as fuck and had PTSD that goes beyond any realm I've ever fucking seen.

(I WILL be writing fic for this)

I guess you could say it's sort of depressingly similar to TR and his own brother, Elliott, who also died an alcoholic and with multiple attempts of su!c!de. Kermit is the younger brother, Ted is the older. TR was the older, Elliott was the younger. Ykwim?

Basically if Kermit the Frog is memey and funny then this Not-Frog-Man is tragically the opposite and he also. Really. Really needed therapy isn't that a running theme at this point though-

-

4. Archie - mischievous. that's it

-

Not much I can find on Archie in an angsty way, which I think is actually good for my heart because the Edmund Morris TR Trilogy did not do wonders for my mental stability

The most prevalent thing I can find is this:

Archie--born in 1894--would be 15, so a 15 year old struggling for dear life and terrifying the shit out of his family. Doesn't sound good huh?

But!! Besides that Archie was the only American soldier to be disabled in BOTH World Wars (The three remaining sons (Quentin died in WWI as we know this) all fought in WWII. Fighting spirits indeed) and because of the SAME injury in the SAME leg. He was quieter but still mischievous and energetic, and he got along best w/ Quentin and they rarely quarreled. I will admit, I don't see much about Archie. Quentin obviously is well-spread around, Ted is aswell, Kermit partially, Alice fucking entirely. Ethel and Archie though, I dont see much of.

ALSO!!

*these two paragraphs follow each other, they're just on separate pages. the first paragraph follows into the next, so you can read it normally without missing anything.*

I forgot that Archie basically got really, really unhealthy during the War. His arm was worryingly limp and his leg was practically fucked. Not only that but he lost his closest brother in the war, so you can imagine how he felt.

-

5. Quentin - FAVORITE CHILD there i said it

-

okay. you want angst? like, a lot? this one. this boy is your ticket to sad depressive trains of thought.

Quentin was also the most like his father and very much a risk taker, so if he lived long enough, he very well could have had a very successful political career (or in whatever he chose to go into.).

However, Quentin's death was a lasting pain for TR (who died less than a year later) and it's said that Quentin's death not only hastened the then-late-50's year old man, but that TR died of heartbreak over his youngest's death. More angst after the pictures teehee

'He' is TR. He could be vaguely cryptic in matters of worry and family. Remember this

He paces when his brain is going a million miles an hour. I actually forgot this small detail but I'll have to use it sometime tbh

this part just makes me sad even though its almost been a year since i reread it like 20 times (more on that in a second.)

The silent grieving and absolute devastation seems far more powerful.

Now, getting specific:

Yes, it was said, as I may've already mentioned, that the boy in TR died when Quentin was devastatingly taken out on July 14th in the summer of 1918. He'd already suffered losing his father (his idol. this is where his own daddy issues come from) and losing his first wife AND mother (who he adored, too) in less than 12 hours. so now, to lose his youngest son, his boy, his child? Oh dear.

So combine the fact TR already needed lots of therapy and this new, heartbreaking death, and you've got one HELL of an angst supply.

It's worth remembering TR really just said 'fuck it. beat the memory until it's too dead to throb' and thought of it as a coping method.

... his 'method' is what we'd now call unhealthy. He thought it was so fucking fine that he even recommended it to a friend (or his sister? I forget tbh) who was just recently widowed. He was not taught healthy coping/healing methods and it showed. Strongly.

TR also felt tremendous guilt for his sons getting hurt (and one dying) in WWI. He'd always glorified war to himself and his kids and he'd instilled in them that a man is only a man once he's fought in battle. Well, no, that's not true. But in the Oyster Bay line of Roosevelts, you either fought in battle when you got the chance or you were a coward for denying it. Hell, take this quote from before Ted was even born:

And that is JUST on college games. What about war?

Of course, even if he didn't push his sons into WWI, they were bound to go in eventually. His sons all shared his glory-seeking and they would put themselves in harm's way just to get their father's attention sometimes, as I mentioned with Ted truly wondering if--even after fighting in a damn war, getting gassed, and shot, and nearly blinded, AND suffering almost a mental breakdown before he was even a teen--his father was proud of him.

So not only was Quentin's death enough guilt, his sons all got hurt in a war he not only pushed for in general, but he pushed for them to enter as soon as they could. Afterall, if he couldn't fight in the war at 58 with horrible health, then his younger and healthier sons could.

All in all they ALL needed therapy and there is a resounding amount of angst all around the entire family circle. If you read this I am very much sorry.

(I can also probably get the PDFs I used to search for these. I had the physical copies but those were library copies so uh. Not anymore. I can't find the other two books either so some parts WOULD have been pictures instead of text descriptions, but oh well.)

P.S i swear im not insane

[sexualrevoluti0n]

Y'know what, I'm really fucking angry with my ex tonight and I can't sleep because of it so I'm gonna write some of it out here in the hopes that it'll get it out of my mind so I can rest. It's just a big long vent so feel free to scroll by.

He said that he'd left because my mental health was too much for him, which has pissed me off more because when things were really bad I told him I wanted to admit myself as an inpatient to get help because that really helped me in the past and I was having constant flashbacks at that point, and he convinced me not to go. He said he wouldn't be able to cope without me, he wouldn't be able to manage in the house on his own (for like a couple of weeks, seriously?!) and that it wasn't that bad, that we didn't need to resort to that. He stopped me from being help before things got to a crisis point, and then when a few months later they got to that stage because I had no support (and he'd told me multiple times that he didn't want to hear about my mental health struggles so I had no support from him) he acted like he couldn't have seen any of this coming and I was just too much for him to handle and such a burden. When he actively prevented me from getting help and getting better before it got to that stage!

He came round this week to bring some of my things back but forgot basically all of the things. Acted shocked at the amount of his stuff that's still here - it would take multiple car loads to take all his stuff and furniture he's left.

Not to mention that he then spent the whole time he was here this week telling me how hard this all is for him, how awful he feels for leaving me because of my mental health, what a monster and a terrible human being he must be, all woe is me, everyone hates me, no one has spoken to me in months, let me emotionally dump all my current mental health struggles and suicidal ideation on you without asking if you have capacity for this when this is exactly the reason I'm saying I left you. I got forced into the comfort and rescue role once again, and he spent the whole time telling me that I was wrong, that the reason people weren't taking to him had nothing to do with the fact that he hadn't tried to talk to any of them in 5 or 6 months and was actually because everyone hates him. I spent sooo long trying to say that friendships work both ways, and that people often assume a friend is busy if they don't hear from them, and that doesn't necessarily mean they hate you. He said he was really hurt that he hadn't been hanging out or speaking with any friends when I had, and when I said that I'd been actively reaching out and arranging things with people regularly since he moved out he just kept telling me that it had nothing to do with that and that he's just such a terrible unlikeable person and none of those people are his friends, and how I knew so-and-so first actually so they're my friends not his, and it was just. So. Fucking. Exhausting. I'd said that I thought if some of his friends knew he wanted to hang out then they'd probably be up for doing something with him, but he was adamant that under no condition would he reach out or try to talk to anyone because they all hated him and he deserved it etc etc, literally went on so much about that and that he would not speak to anyone. Messaged me later saying he'd looked on Facebook and it just made him sad so he'd never go on again 🙄

And then today it turns out he's posted on facebook saying that he misses hanging out with friends and wants to see them. Just. Ffs dude. Stop being a fucking hypocrite.

He messaged me saying we still need to sort out rent. I've been busting my ass constantly chasing estate agent and landlord to change the tenancy and he has done fuck all about anything this entire time. There's no we, it's just me doing everything, like it was our entire relationship. All of the mental load, running everything in the entire household as well as managing his constant rollercoaster depression that he refused to ever get help for, and when he did try counselling he would stop the second he started feeling slightly less bad, and not actually follow through until he was properly stable and functional.

I'm pissed off because my mental health was doing really well before we got together, but his depressive episodes always lasted so long and he would never speak to friends or family about it so I was the only support, and I gradually got worse and worse myself from only ever hearing the most pessimistic answers to everything, so that I started to think that way myself. Because what was the point of trying to help him when I'd be told everything I said to help was wrong, that nothing would ever change, there was no point to anything but that that was just normal and how life was and that there was no point trying to change anything. Hearing that constantly for so fucking long.

I'd just got to the point where I was finally stable and happy and not having flashbacks again and had come off all my meds and was finally starting to enjoy life again when he decided that actually, after 5 years of me having to be monogamous with him because he was too anxious to be ok with me being polyam (which he knew when we got together and said was fine with but changed his tune once he actually saw me being interested in acting) that actually he was totally poly cause this cute person liked him, and we didn't need to have any conversations ever about what we wanted from this new relationship, no we didn't need to know what anyone's boundaries were, but oh sorry he forgot he promised to pick me up from the station cause he was taking to the other partner! oh he forgot he'd told me he was back from this partner's today and that I was waiting for him before making dinner, he wasn't actually back til late on Tuesday, but he feels sooo bad about this he's such a terrible person. oh he forgot we had plans tonight, he was too excited and planned a thing with the new partner, oh he forgot we had a party with friends doing all his favourite things this weekend, he was going to visit the new partner instead. You're feeling left out and like you're second best? I don't understand why would feel like that, you don't need to be jealous it's poly, no one's more important. Oh by the way it's been 6 weeks and me and the new partner are getting handfasted and talking about living together. There's no reason to be anxious it's not important it's all in your head, I love you both equally. I don't know why you want to talk about what we all want from relationships, we don't need to do all of that. You don't need to be uptight or worried. Yes fine sure let's have a talk about boundaries around sex when we're in the same house. But actually me and them are just gonna fuck anytime we want in any room and not have the discussion we promised, screw your boundaries. Idgaf that you've been waiting the whole two weeks our partner is here for this conversation to happen and have not been initiating anything sexual and turning down advances until you knew what everyone was comfortable with. We don't care about what anyone else apart from the two of us want. Of course you're still important. Actually your insecurity is getting really difficult to deal with. You need to get help to stop being so jealous.

[curseofdelos]

I feel like Camp Half-Blood should have some kind of support/education/mentor program for mortal parents of demigods, but considering that would require all the gods to remember all of their flings and give an accurate list of them once a year or something, well.....it's unlikely to ever happen.

tbh even if they don't know who their child's parent is, I think they could still receive such a service since unclaimed demigods are still taken to CHB, so their parents presumably know their kid is the child of a god even if they don't know which one, and still go through the same horrors that Sally, Naomi, etc go through 😬

BUT YES THERE SHOULD BE!!!!!

(Side note: going to focus specifically on CHB in this post since CJ is a different beast on account of the fact that, aside from our main characters, the Roman demigods are largely legacies with families living in New Rome that they can easily visit. Parents of Greek demigods have significantly less contact with their kids and are more in need of that support group)

I wrote a fic about Naomi Solace and how I think she would deal with the demigod thing (among other things) if you're interested in how I think she would handle it but. like. sending your child away for an entire summer (if not an entire year) is SUCH a difficult thing for a parent to do, especially when the reason they're sending them away is because CHB is the ONLY truly safe place for them to live and they're in danger of being killed every single day. Some kids are year rounders because they don't have parents/their parents are neglectful in some way, sure, but it's got to be difficult decision to make for the good parents.

And it doesn't help either that, by nature of having a child with a god, many of the mortal parents are single parents and don't have much of a support system (Annabeth and Percy are the only ones we know with stepparents which is wild to me). They are raising that kid by themselves, and their entire life revolves around raising them, and then their child turns twelve-ish and suddenly they have to send them away for an entire summer (if not longer) because their child is seeing creatures that aren't there and displaying weird powers that don't make sense, and now a guy with goat legs is telling them their child is at risk of being killed by monsters if they don't go to a summer camp to learn to protect themselves, like that's SO scary and such a big life change??

I think a lot about Sally Jackson, and how she was told that she had to send Percy to CHB and (iirc) she tells Poseidon no, she's not doing that, Percy is going to stay with her until she has no other choice but to send him away, and I LOVE that she makes that decision!! She is undeniably putting Percy at risk by not sending him to the demigod safe haven earlier, but she loves her son!! She doesn't WANT him to leave her!! Sally is someone who has experienced such great loss and hardship, and who has no family left other than Percy. She married an abusive man whom she hates just because he might afford Percy some protection. Percy is really the only bright spot in her life, and she doesn't want to give that up!!

But then the minotaur incident happens, and what other choice does she have? She sacrifices herself to save him, and then spends the rest of the series worrying to death about all the quests Percy is being sent on, and he straight up disappears for several months at one point. That's SO hard!! She didn't want him to go to CHB in the first place, and then when she finally lets him go, it's not even that safe!! She at least has Paul to confide in eventually, but even then, that's such a difficult thing to cope with.

What makes it even harder too is that the parents are not allowed to go to CHB. Sally can see it because she's special and can see through the mist, but even she can't cross the border to go inside. CHB is presented to them as this mystical utopia where the kids can finally be protected, but they have very limited understanding of what goes on there and what it actually is. Even visiting CHB for one day would give them a lot of comfort I think, and they don't even get that :(

A support group would be such a good thing for them <3 It would connect them to other parents who are going through/have gone through the same thing, and give the single ones someone they can confide in and lean on for support. It wouldn't entirely alleviate their worries, but it would make them so much easier to deal with <3

I like to imagine Sally Jackson and Naomi Solace connect and set something up <3 I have no idea what context they would meet let alone become friends, but I am choosing to imagine it anyway because I like them and it's what they deserve <3

[evverest]

had a panic attack today and i told my partner i felt like for a decade i've put most of life on mute to cope with bpd. no shows, no books, no news, no writing, no friends, no anything for years and years, just rewatching and rereading and numbing myself to keep the scary shit away and it's left me feeling stupid and disconnected and ignorant, and so i've been trying to bring myself back. trying to write, watch, engage. let big emotions just hit me, try not to feel sick on the highs cuz i know the lows are about to hit.

it's not going well. it feels good for two seconds, it feels awful for every second after.

and boy said a bunch of kind things but it kinda felt like we were having two conversations and i don't think that's really his fault. maybe there's just no good response.

"i don't think i was meant to exist cuz my emotions are skyscrapers that i cannot see over. i think maybe i was supposed to die, because i am a hermit with no hobbies who cannot handle watching a tv show and i literally don't know how to be anything else. i try to be something else and i just feel exhausted and overexposed and i want to die more and more and more and more and i can't stop it." is there anything to say to that?

sure i've kept myself alive and i am kind to my partner and i've built some good stuff for myself, i can hear my therapist telling me that even right now, but i don't know if this cardboard box of a life i've made is fucking worth it, you know?

i literally cannot even handle being happy. it takes two seconds at the top of the skyscraper, nauseous with vertigo, before i fall right off the other edge and am so miserable i can't remember why i was happy in the first place.

i think i'd rather just be fucking numb. but then i see posts like that one asking about your highest/lower stats and i was like idk about highest but my lowest is intelligence and that came to me with no effort. years of jokes at my own expense to keep the real shit at bay but yeah actually i just genuinely think i'm stupid and i think about it constantly. barely remember school and haven't learned shit since because if i read a book and it jerks my emotions around i might wanna die afterwards so i just became a fucking shell.

shell of a human being. do Not want to be here.

[mccleans]

[softxsuki]

Hi, can I please send in an urgent request? I'm just having a really night, I can't stop crying. I keep remembering what happened and I feel like I'm in that place again and I'm all alone. I don't want to trauma dump so I'll put in some warnings. If you see something that triggers you, please disregard this request, I understand and I can manage.

Warnings: Manipulation, Gaslighting, Cheating, Insecurities (body image, mentions of scars and size)

I was a teen when I first had my first "serious" relationship. It lasted 3 years and it was on and off. We broke up multiple times due to them cheating and me not being able to cope with it. We had a 12 hour time difference and lived on opposite sides of the world. I wasn't perfect. I wanted him to be here when we were both teens, expected too much. He gaslit me when I questioned him when he became cold. Truth be told, I think he's a good friend and person but wasn't a good partner to me. I got traumatized by this relationship and second guessed my every move. I got into a relationship after that one and I promised myself to do absolutely right by this person. He didn't have confidence in our relationship and other people were telling him I'd leave him for someone who was "better" looking. He believed them. Over the period of a year, I'd tried my best at showing affection. Texting, updating, and trying to call but he wouldn't answer. It even reached a point where there was 10 days where he didn't talk to me but I still texted good morning. I went to his college to give him a gift and he basically shooed me into a bus terminal to make me go home. I didn't even know the way back home because I didn't know the area. He then got sick while I was in uni class. I blew my month's budget for food and necessities to buy him what he needs while he was in the hospital. I went there right after class, still in my school clothes and tired after 10 hours of class. He wouldn't say which hospital it was. I had to call around to find him and when I got there, he wouldn't even look at me. After that, he broke up with me. Soon the person he was cheating me texted me just to rub in into my face that he chose her. It hurt. It still hurts. And we got back together after half a year with promises for him to change for the better and he has changed. He did everything I asked. Been nothing but regretful and trying his best to change and show that he's changed but here I am still hurting. And all of this started when I saw that he had a reminder set for her birthday that he forgot to remove.

I just need comfort, please. Like maybe a scenario where there are rumours that Hawks (he's my comfort character) is cheating and he comforts me, tells me that it's not true and reassures me that he loves me through and through, even my scars and my size. or I'm vividly dreaming that he's cheating on me to the point that I'm crying in my sleep then he wakes me up to comfort me because I'm really wishing that this is all just a really bad dream and I just wish someone would wake me up.

I'm sorry. I found your blog a lot earlier and I told myself to only send an urgent request when I couldn't handle it by myself anymore. I just need reassurance from my comfort character.

Hawks Comforting Reader Who Hears Rumors That He's Cheating On Her

Pairing: Hawks (Keigo Takami) x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of cheating (he's not actually cheating), mention of scars, low self-esteem because of body image

Genre: Comfort, Fluff

Post-Type: Oneshot

Word Count: 1k

Summary: In which you see an article that suggests that Hawks is cheating on you with another woman. As soon as he gets home, you confront him about it and he denies the rumors as he tries his best to reassure and comfort you.

[A/N: Hello anon! First, thank you for coming to me with your urgent request. Please don't ever hesitate to send one in, I'm always grateful to be able to help you guys like this if I can. Second, I am so sorry you had to experience all that. Cheating is such a horrible thing and I know it may seem like you're the one who is having bad luck finding a man who won't cheat on you, but please know that you are NOT the problem. You deserve someone who makes you feel secure in your relationship with them. I really hope it works out with your boyfriend that you have now, but if it doesn't (which is normal), then I know the right man is out there waiting for you. Someone who will treat you like royalty, who won't make you feel insecure in your relationship, and someone who will love and appreciate all the efforts you make, while making efforts of their own. NEVER SETTLE. You deserve so much more <3. With that being said, I hope Hawks is able to provide you with some kind of comfort through this oneshot. I also made reader Fem so please let me know if you'd prefer a Gn! Reader and I'll change that up for you. Take care <3]

Not again, please not again.

You read the headline over and over again.

“Is Number Two Pro-Hero Hawks Seeing Someone Else?” you read the title out loud for the nth time.

Attached to the article is a picture of Hawks with another woman that wasn’t you; his hand was placed on her lower back as he looked lovingly at her. You eye the woman in the photo– she was perfect. Everything you wished you were–thin, beautiful– not one imperfection in sight.

Why did this always happen to you? You always did your best to show affection to your partner, giving him all your love and attention, putting him first before yourself whether he realized it or not. What were you doing wrong?

Your boyfriend wasn’t even home yet so you couldn’t confront him about it, but truth be told, you wished he wouldn’t come home yet. You weren’t ready to talk about it. What if he really was cheating on you? How would you deal with that again after your numerous previous relationships where you had been cheated on? If only you could just close your eyes and wake up from this horrible nightmare.

Your thoughts are cut short as you hear the jiggling of keys at the front door. He was home. Your heart hammers loudly in your chest–so loudly that you can hear your heartbeat in your ears.

“Baby I’m home! You here?” you hear him announce himself as soon as he gets the front door open.

You peek around the wall you were sitting behind, trying to hide yourself from him as you see him walk further into your shared home, still in his hero clothes. You almost jump out of your skin when his eyes flick to yours, his eyebrow raising slightly as you scurry to hide yourself behind the wall again.

“What’re you hiding for?” he asks now crouching right beside you.

You screech at his sudden presence and move away from him.

“N-nothing,” you say, not ready to know the truth yet.

“Oh c’mon baby, you can tell me,” he moves closer to you, bringing a hand up to cup your face lovingly.

You swallow hard, hating the way your body reacted to his touch, leaning into the warmth of his hand, but you stop yourself and scoot away from him once again. You hold your phone up to him, allowing him to read the gossip article you had found about his alleged cheating.

He stops in place and takes your phone from you, reading the article and scrolling through it, the frown on his face grows longer the more he reads. You can’t help the warm tears that come falling down your face as you admire him. Will this be the last time I ever get to see him as mine?

“Y/N, baby. These aren’t true, I promise you. I had just saved that woman from a gang of villains. These reporters just happened to capture the moment I was putting her down as she thanked me. I’ve never seen her before other than that,” he explains as he finally looks down and sees your tear stained face.

“But she’s so beautiful. Not like me with my disgusting body and horrendous scars. I can see why you’d want someone like her,” you confess the dark thoughts that had been eating away at you.

Cheating or not, you always felt like Hawks would eventually leave you behind whenever he found someone more appealing–someone worthy of loving.

“Baby no. Don’t say that about yourself,” his eyebrows furrow as he sits on the floor beside you, taking your hand in his, “I love you and only you. I love your scars, I kiss them all the time, don’t I? I love your body too! Every inch of you is complete perfection to me. No one on this earth could capture every inch of my heart as strongly as you have. I just wish you could see for yourself how amazing you really are.”

“Really? So you don’t love her?” you sniff, turning towards him to see if he was being sincere.

His eyes were pooling with love for you as he responded, “Of course I don’t love her. There’s only enough room in here for you my love.”

He pats his chest where his heart is located and once again cups your cheeks.

“Let me know whenever those negative thoughts come back into your head. I’ll kiss them all away,” he says as he leans in and kisses your forehead, “And please know that I would never cheat on you, ever. A man never lets his woman feel insecure in their relationship, so I’m sorry for not showing you enough, how much I love you.”

“You do!” you assure him, remembering all the moments he’d take care of you and make the first move to call you or tell you he loves you, “I just let my insecurities get the best of me. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t ever apologize,” he whispers before leaning in and leaving a lingering kiss to your lips, savoring the feeling of your lips on his–his favorite feeling–before pulling away, “Always question me whenever you feel insecure or suspicious, I’ll make sure to ease your mind instead of having you worry about it by yourself. I love you so much, please remember that.”

“I will,” you hum, leaning your head on his shoulder as you close your eyes and enjoy his presence.

You feel him leave your side for a second, before warm hands wrap around your back and thighs, lifting you off the ground.

“Off we go for cuddles!” he announces with a laugh as he carries you to your room.

You laugh along with him, swinging your arms around his neck, glad that he wasn’t cheating and still loved you dearly.

He lays you on the bed before jumping in beside you and pulling you into his arms.

“I love you,” he rests his forehead on yours, “so much.”

“I love you too,” you reply, closing the distance between you with a kiss of your own.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 12/26/2021 (yes ik it's the 27th, but I haven't slept yet so no <3)