#i can not like i CANNOT stress this enough: i don't know how to regulate my emotions

[bredforloyalty]

what if i showed up to the presentation we're doing tomorrow hangover as fuck (for shits and giggles)

[topazadine]

Avoiding therapy speak in writing

I think we all know by now that therapy speak is irritating and unrealistic, especially if you are writing in a fantasy world that doesn't even have modern psychology.

Part of the reason that it is so annoying is that it is the definition of telling instead of showing: characters are just plainly informing us of their feelings rather than making us work for a better understanding. It's cheap and boring. Instead of making your characters seem like complex individuals with their own hangups and difficulties, they seem like plot points programmed to tell us things.

But obviously, you want to put these people in situations and have them talk about it! How do you do that without sounding maudlin? Here are some options.

Listen to real arguments/conversations

I cannot stress enough how important it is to listen to how actual real human beings talk to each other during heightened emotional states. They don't have to be nasty abusers, and they don't have to be perfect angels, just everyday people doing their normal thing.

Of course, I'd hope you're not seeing people argue all the time, but if you do happen to see it, listen carefully and notice how people actually address their problems. Think back to tough conversations that you have had, even if you wouldn't classify them as arguments. Consider how people acted and reacted to one another. Notice how normal humans talk about issues outside of therapy, even intelligent and emotionally evolved people.

I've had years of therapy, and even I do not talk in therapy ways about my issues when I'm talking to my family or friends. It just feels cheesy and fake outside of that particular setting - plus, it freaks other people out and can seem kind of manipulative. Try talking like that in a real conversation and see how uncomfortable it is. You'll understand why avoiding therapy speak is important.

Consider the character's own hangups

Just as everyone has their own unique speaking style and mindset, so do we all have our own argument styles. These are often informed by our pasts and upbringing; they are as varied as our own histories. However, there are a few different options.

Someone with a happy upbringing may be more assertive and willing to address their problems because they had that demonstrated to them as children.

A spoiled child will grow up to be a demanding adult who refuses to give any quarter.

Those who got yelled at a lot as children may shut down and fawn to avoid getting hurt.

Someone who grew up in a violent household may mimic that behavior and get incredibly aggressive when upset.

Individuals whose parents didn't teach them emotional regulation will lash out and get loud.

Manipulative people may stay very calm and gaslight the other person, or they may get hysterical to garner sympathy and make people focus on comforting them.

Someone who has gone to therapy may revert to their original argument style, or they may imperfectly apply what they have learned in a way that feels a bit unnatural. They may start out with rage, then force themselves to calm down through grounding techniques.

People who have been coached through previous emotional outbursts could demand a time out, then fail to actually calm themselves down.

Some may refuse to acknowledge they are upset and insist, in increasingly forceful terms, that they are fine.

Others may get quiet or crack a joke to ease the tension, but it doesn't really help.

Keep each confrontation short

IRL, emotional confrontations are generally not that long. They don't go on for hours and hours, though it can feel that way. No one is going on and on about their feelings and sharing every little detail of how they feel (at least not that I know of personally, maybe other people are different).

Even the worst arguments I have had, the real nexus of the argument was maybe an hour or two, though the fallout lasted much longer. I'd say there was an hour maximum of real, active confrontation, preceded or followed by hours/days/weeks of simmering frustration.

Why? Because arguments are exhausting. You don't have the energy for that in the heat of the moment. Yes, feuds and fights can last years, but each actual confrontation is short.

For longer, more serious issues, hash it out over a few sessions rather than all at once. It's rare to get everything out of the way immediately unless the characters already have a strong, loving relationship.

Show incongruencies

Especially for more reserved people, they will likely have their emotions leaking all over the place but won't actually say anything. As such, focus on body language while keeping the conversation more focused on the plot. For example, Character A might be crying but still trying to argue their point about whatever is going on.

Address physical complaints instead of emotional ones

In many cases, people will use "I'm tired" or "I didn't sleep well" or "I'm not feeling great" as shorthand for whatever is actually bothering them. It relieves pressure by not making them talk about upsetting matters while still addressing their discomfort in some form.

You should also consider the fact that some people can't connect physical sensations to feelings, so they may genuinely feel ill and not really understand why. This is especially common in people who can't emotionally regulate or have been through trauma.

For myself, I tend to somatize my feelings, so I might not feel upset, but I will feel physically sick. My stomach will hurt, my chest will get tight, or I'll get a headache, but my emotional state will seem calm. This isn't all that unusual, and many people experience this to different degrees.

As such, you can have your character say that their stomach hurts, or that they have a headache and can't discuss this anymore, or that they need to go lie down because they're dizzy. If we know they're relatively healthy, this can be a clue that they're getting overwhelmed but either cannot pinpoint their emotions or don't want to discuss them.

Let characters advance and retreat

A lot of the time, someone will address a scary emotion and then retreat again, sometimes over a period of hours, days, or even weeks. This is normal: most of us don't have the emotional fortitude to forge ahead through something difficult all in one go. Character A may say something vulnerable, then change the topic, laugh it off, say they're done discussing it, or even leave the situation.

Leave emotions partially unaddressed

Again, it's rare for someone to spill out everything they're feeling all in one go. As such, have Character A address the most important thing - or the least important, depending on their level of emotional maturity - and let it be done for then.

They might say their small piece, but when someone tries to probe deeper, they don't have an answer, or they get "stuck" on that one emotional level and cannot go further.

If Character B keeps pushing, then they may get incredibly upset and push back, or retreat.

Have Character B point out the feelings

Works especially well if the other character is a close companion or a parental figure. Often, people who know us really well will have better insight into our emotions than we do. Or, we might have good insight into our emotions but are still too afraid to open up. Having Character B point out the issue gives Character A grace to be more honest.

I can't tell you how many times I've been really upset, so I've distracted from the issue by getting angry about something completely different. Then, my mom will gently point out that I'm not actually crying about my new plastic cup being broken or whatever; I'm actually upset about XYZ. In that moment, I realize I've been caught out and admit that yes, that's what I'm really upset about.

Have Character A address it with a third character

Who among us hasn't gone to someone else to talk about our feelings? Having a third party serve as a sounding board is normal. Sometimes, Character A will feel such catharsis from this conversation that they don't address it as thoroughly with Character B.

Of course, you can use this to your advantage and create more tension if the third character gives bad advice or is biased.

Remember that just because the third party responded well does not mean that Character B does. You also have to avoid omniscience and remember that Character B wasn't privy to that conversation.

Have one confrontation be a stand-in for a larger one

I always think about the "The Iranian Yogurt Is Not the Issue" post when I think about this. Often times, things like not doing the dishes or whatever aren't actually the big deal: it's lack of boundaries, communication, or respect. A minor argument can be shorthand for a larger one that is too challenging for the characters to tackle.

This isn't just creating drama for the hell of it, though; it's about exploring the larger issues without making the characters lay it out on the table. A good reader will be able to see it's not about the Iranian Yogurt as long as you set up the relationship well.

Currently, I am writing a story where Uileac and his sister Cerie go to rescue Uileac's husband, Orrinir. On the way there, Uileac idly comments on how he wonders where a waterfall comes from because he's trying to distract himself from thinking about the fact that his husband is kidnapped and possibly dead.

Cerie, being pretty wound up too, starts arguing with him about it because she's like "why is this relevant? We're kind of too busy to think about geology right now!" Uileac gets annoyed at her for being so aggro, and she gets annoyed at him for being so irreverent. Both of them are upset about something completely different, but they're too scared and panicked to actually address that, so they release their frustrations by complaining about waterfalls.

Those bad vibes have to go somewhere, but neither of them are very good at talking about their feelings (though very good at stuffing them down). As such, they take the pressure off by sniping at one another. You've probably done this too, when you get into a dumb argument about something absolutely pointless because there's something you don't feel strong enough to discuss.

There's also the fact that if you're mad at someone about something but feel it's too stupid or petty to discuss, that frustration will leak out and everything else they do will annoy you, leading to a bunch of irrelevant arguments.

Use "reaffirmation" gestures

I talked about this in a different post, but after an argument, the "make up" stage doesn't always involve going "ohhh I forgive you" and big hugs and kisses, especially when the two characters aren't emotionally mature.

Instead, Character A makes gestures that reaffirm the relationship. This could be offering to do something Character B needs, making plans for later, or changing the topic to discuss something the other character cares about ("how are your cats doing?") etc.

Note that these "reaffirmation" gestures aren't the same as the cycle of abuse. This is more when two characters have had a difficult emotional conversation but aren't really sure how to continue being emotionally open, so they revert to something safer that still shows they care. They're not over-the-top gestures either, but more a special attention to something the other person loves. Knowing what the other person loves also demonstrates the depth of their relationship.

As always, I can't tell you what to do with your writing.

You are the crafter of your own story, and if you want people to talk like therapists for whatever reason, that's your choice. However, we want characters to feel like real people, and most real people don't lay it all out on the table every single time they're upset. If they do, they might be trauma vomiting, which is icky in and of itself.

Healthy communication isn't always perfect communication. People can have strong, loving relationships and still get things wrong - we're human. Having people calmly and rationally and easily talk about their feelings every single time is not only kind of boring, but it also feels weird, because unless we're primed to discuss those difficult topics and know we're perfectly safe, we're not going to do that.

People don't even do that in therapy, where they are paying for the service of talking about their feelings! Therapists also don't always do that IRL!

We're humans, and your characters need to feel like humans as well. That means letting them be imperfect communicators and using context clues rather than making them do all the work for the reader.

If you liked my advice, consider purchasing my book, 9 Years Yearning, for $3!

[fxirybun]

🪷 PAC: your romantic soulmate’s personality

this is a collective reading ! take what resonates and leave what doesn't. i cannot guarantee 100% accuracy. take the pac reading lightly ჱ̒ ｰ̀֊ｰ́ )

ෆ⸒⸒ pink teacup 🌸

your romantic soulmate is someone thoughtful about their words and actions. they have this patient energy within them and they seem to prefer to take a practical approach to certain situations or people. they're the type of person who's willing to put in the work in order to achieve their long-term goals. i sensed that they're very careful and can also be reflective about their decision. it seems to me that your romantic soulmate would try to evaluate where they are in life. they would even make some adjustments when it is needed and don't seem to complain much in terms of investing their time and energy into things that matter to them.

i felt that something happened to them in the past that made them feel scared of being alone. your romantic soulmate may have experienced some kind of setback that led them to feel cautious and set their guard up. i felt that it has something to do with finances since i'm getting the energy of being worried about losing stability as well as their place in their working environment. even though your romantic soulmate carries this fear , they don't seem to show it from the outside perspective. i do think that they relate to individuals who also came from the same position as them and that it made them feel empathetic to those people.

i sensed that they have this urge to help those who are going through a difficult period as they also faced those same struggles and know the way out of it. at the same time , there's this feeling of trying to distance themselves from any form of conflict or negativity. it seems to me that your romantic soulmate prefers a calming domain. they seem to be leaning more towards the quiet , introverted side. they're the type of person who is introspective and more so focused on personal growth. i do think that they always seek to leave or be away from any stressful situation. they seem to value having peace of mind and aren't afraid to move or change their place as a way to protect their mental state.

ෆ⸒⸒ blue teacup 🫐

i sensed that your romantic soulmate has a complex relationship with their family. they seem to have some kind of unconventional mindset when it comes to traditional values. they felt disconnected and could be questioning or perhaps rejecting their role within their roots. they may also be the kind of person who lives more in the present moment and does not worry too much about the future. i'm getting that your romantic soulmate feels uncertain about their long-term plan for themselves. it's also possible that they're struggling in trying to balance their emotional and physical aspects. i felt that there was this instability in these areas.

your romantic soulmate is likely to cherish their remarkable memories. i'm getting that they have a sentimental nature within themselves. they seem to value a simple connection that stems from innocence. they also place a lot of importance on having a close and meaningful relationship wherein they get to show their warm and caring side of them. i can see that your romantic soulmate has this playful or youthful energy in them and possibly have a childlike attitude. i felt that they're emotionally sensitive too and at the same time , they're someone who can be very attentive to those that play a significant role in their lives.

in addition , your romantic soulmate is the kind of person who is resilient and gained inner strength within themselves. they know how to regulate their emotions well enough. even though they face an obstacle in their path that can make them feel vulnerable , they would do anything to remain calm through the midst of it. they're someone who has this composed quality as well as having a strong-willed attitude in trying to move past a difficult moment. your romantic soulmate possesses the characteristics of being gentle , and determined , and exhibits kindness whilst also being firm when needed. perhaps they may have empathy within them too.

ෆ⸒⸒ red teacup 🍄

i can say that you're romantic soulmate is the type of person who spends most of their time in solitude , an introvert if you will. i sensed that they prefer to think about something by themselves alone before they take the necessary steps for action. they seem to be in a constant search for deeper truths and wisdom. it is possible that they're more mature and intelligent despite their age. it's as if they've gone through a lot and from it they gained some personal insights or valuable lessons. your romantic soulmate may as well be leaning more on hiding themselves from society in order for them to process their current thoughts , feelings , and emotions.

perhaps this is what the outsiders think or their first impression of them because i'm getting a different side of their personality. it's likely that they only show it to those that are deemed close. even though they seem to be timid , they have this igniting character that can make the crowd shock. your romantic soulmate is an adventurer at heart , they have this quality of being curious about something that caught their attention. he has this passionate energy of wanting to experience what is new to them , an explorer. while they may be thoughtful and quiet , they are also open to fresh ideas and seem to enjoy pursuing things that can light up their inspiration.

because of their dual nature , your romantic soulmate may struggle in trying to balance their sides. they may be having difficulties in juggling their multiple responsibilities , and trying to keep everything in order. as a result , they end up having an occasional feeling of being overwhelmed or in a state of burnout. your romantic soulmate may tend to reflect their tendency to take too much of everything at once. perhaps they're struggling to manage their time or which priorities they need to spend most of their time on. nevertheless , they're always ready to dive into something exciting and at the same time be introspective about it.

[botanyshitposts]

Opinion on the US's Cogs damn obsession with corn?

don't know what you're talking about specifically but my understanding of US agricultural policy in general is that being a farmer in capitalism sucks and has since colonization and for a long time the US government tried to make it suck less with subsidies which sometimes work (because people get paid predictably regardless of demand and its less like gambling with crops) but sometimes go over really badly (because then too many people grow it and the price per bushel goes down and then government has too much corn) and then a couple times they got rid of all the subsides and related regulations and that REALLY didnt work (because then the price just crashed hard and with nothing to compensate them a bunch of farmers, many of whom were in debt for other farming-related reasons, couldnt get paid and actually had to foreclose their farms, which accelerated the long-standing trend of farms getting foreclosed on and then being bought out by bigger farms that then ended up running INSANE multi million dollar operations, sometimes even on farms in other states where the owners do not live, in communities they do not contribute to) and they had to backpedal on it and then eventually they just started on the current system where you simply pass a farm bill every 10-12 years instead of yearly or biyearly and that way you simply dont have to think about it, and then when it is election time you go stand by a cornfield for a while for tv. it does not fix the huge enormous farms buying out smaller farms problem or any of the complicated related problems but it DOES put it off for longer which is more important.

sometimes also you (USAID for instance) can give the too-much-corn you have from farm subsidies to a foreign country as a 'gift' and say youre just being a helpful little guy, but in the process of doing so undercut the local farmers in that country because they cant compete with free stuff but that's cool because then the foreign country can't really survive as well without US agricultural aid and you can manipulate them to do imperialism better AND you have more demand for the corn which might raise the price per bushel in the US. also sometimes the corn is fed to livestock en masse because the meat is worth more and sometimes its made into gas or high fructose corn syrup, and sometimes the price is so low per bushel that the insurance on the field is worth more than the actual corn.

but. i CANNOT stress enough that the most important thing about corn is that you can stand next to it on tv and if you cant do that, maybe you can stand next to a guy who is around it a lot and say you are helping him.

in my relatively uneducated opinion the most epic way to solve this complex multi-century interdisciplinary push and pull of supply and demand would be to just pay farmers a salary through the state since youre already paying out massive state subsidies for crops you dont need anyway and the farmers are performing a vital service and that way you can guarantee people a consistent salary AND control how much of each thing gets planted so you dont have a massive stockpile at all times AND you reward individual people instead of paying out large amounts of money to whatever massive operation sells the most corn by virtue of being big, but if you dont want to do that then the second best thing is to just pass another mediocre farm bill whos inflexible 10-ish year lifespan makes it impossible for it to respond well to changes in market demand and that way you can just put off making tough decisions and instead stand next to a guy and a cornfield on tv again. which as we have covered is the most important part of american agriculture

[autisticlifelessons]

Tips from an autistic teacher about communicating with education professionals

So, some context: I taught Primary for 1 year, and had lots of interactions with parents with all kinds of concerns about their kids. I also remember being in high school and college/university and being too nervous to approach my teachers/tutors with any problems I had until the situation was dire.

For those who don't work in education, I can appreciate how needing to speak to your child's teacher about something can be intimidating, especially if your and/or your child are neurodivergent. And if you are a student, it can be equally as scary.

It's true many teachers are overworked and underpaid, but the vast VAST majority would move heaven and earth to help you. However, there are lots of things you can do to help them to help you, so here are my top tips.

Tell them ASAP if there is a problem - alerting the teacher to a problem or concern as soon as it arises gives them the chance to nip it in the bud before it becomes a big deal. If there is a bullying concern or something you don't understand, they would much rather you told them straight away so they can do something about it than have you or your child suffering in silence for weeks or months. We are generally an observant bunch and are looking out for issues, but some things do fly under the radar. Even if it's not something they can do anything about straight away - like if you think your child is showing signs of autism or adhd but they mask heavily at school - they can bear this in mind and pass it onto other relevant members of staff so it is 'flagged' up for the future.

If your issue is complicated, be sure to put it in writing - chances are you have access to a messaging service or at least an email address. Even if you have raised your concern with the teacher face to face, having it in writing is helpful for both parties. It provides a record that the issue has been raised and passed along as appropriate, and it helps remind the teacher about what has been discussed so they don't end up forgetting about it among the million other things they have to do.

Be specific - it may seem obvious, but there is no point in having a casual chat and then throwing in a bombshell at the end. Make sure to give as much relevant detail as you can about what your issue is, and if you want to raise multiple concerns then it is doubly beneficial to put them in writing.

Think about what your desired outcome is and come with a proposed solution - this is a psychological thing, apparently, but people are more likely to be sympathetic to your concerns if you can demonstrate you have thought about how you would like it resolved. If you want your child put forward for an autism assessment, make sure you actually say this. If you know you are going to be late handing in an assignment but can give your teacher an alternative date you will hand it in, tell them this. I can't guarantee they will always be able to fulfil it, but knowing what you would like to change or happen makes it much easier to sort things out rather than just guessing.

IF THERE'S SOMETHING GOING ON OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL THAT'S HAVING A NEGATIVE IMPACT, TELL THEM!!! - I CANNOT stress this enough, especially when it comes to little ones or neurodivergent children who may have limited means of both communication and emotional regulation. Being hungry, tired, stressed etc can have an enormous impact on behaviour/ability to learn. Even a simple message or email giving the heads up your child has had a poor night's sleep because the house flooded or whatever and might be a bit grumpy that day can be a huge help to the teacher, who as a result of having this information will be in a better position to be patient with a child who is struggling. For bigger life changes such as divorce, birth of a new sibling etc, this is even more important so that your child's teacher and the school can, if necessary, put measures in place to support your child through this transition. Communication really is key.

Remember to be kind and considerate - teachers are humans and make mistakes like everyone else. Equally, there are many circumstances they have to deal with that are totally out of their control and frustrate them just as much as they do you. As I said at the beginning, the vast majority want to help you and/or your child in any way they can, and being kind can make what is a very stressful job just that little bit less.

So, there you have it! I hope these tips gave you an idea for how to communicate with teachers effectively.

Oh, here's 1 more bonus tip - if you have anything to ask that is more than just a quick question, be sure to schedule a meeting with the teacher to ensure they can devote enough time to deal with your issue. Catching them at the beginning or end of the school day generally isn't a good idea as they're very chaotic times and they likely have other meetings/appointments/deadlines they will be thinking about.

Your support is much appreciated xx

[le-panda-chocovore]

Hello, can I ask from this ask game :

https://www.tumblr.com/threecheersforinking/677824836625694720/anime-ask-game?source=share

For fandom : Haikyuu, BNHA, ATLA, and Jujutsu Kaisen.

Thanks 🌻

Sorry I took time but lists and ranking are difficult to me lol, and I had 4 different asks about making a TOP 5 so I kinda lost myself into it 😅

Oh my god there's so many fandoms, you're really trying to kill me damn-

Okay okay Imma try not to write to much (<- will probably fail)

HAIKYUU

Favorite Character: (I absolutely HATE that question, why do I have to choose ?!?) I'd say Bokuto Koutarou but I also have 5 others in mind lol

Favorite Arc/Episode/Scene: The Tokyo Stage during S2 is my fave because my favorite characters get many screentime together, we see so many different people interact, and it's so fun to enjoy matches without the stress of the competition. I get to support anyone and not feel guilty about it !! Also there's Tsukki's character development, and there's my favorite scene in the anime (the Oya Oya Oya), and they all learn and work on new techniques and it's so cool !! (<- already rambling too much)

Character I Think is Underrated: Maybe Gosshiki ? He's such a baby I love him. I believe Tendou is very much loved so not underrated. Tanaka too. I know people love him but I think he deserves so much more. That man participated in EVERY MATCH, he NEVER got replaced and he doesn't have an ultra special attack and he's not the ace but he's sooooo reliable and cool. He's a caring sempai and a good player and an amazing friend and the only straight ally in a gay world lmaooo We don't appreciate him enough.

Character I Think is Overrated: When I'm not rewatching Haikyuu I think that Hinata and Atsumu are kinda overrated because yeah they're cool but they're not the bests and their characters (I know they're different) aren't the ones I love the most and also I think they're selfish. Then when I rewatches the episode for fun I4m so invested in everything and I just cannot not love them. So, no one is overrated actually.

Favorite Ship/Pairing: HAHA I won't answer that- Alright I will but keep it short. Let's say any popular ship that involves Tsukki, Kuroo, Bokuto, Akaashi and Kenma. Yes even the polyships. Yes. Any popular ship.

Something I Love About the Show/Movie: Everything. (<- only short answer I4m able to give)

BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA

Oh it's been a while since I've been in that fandom. I lost my hyperfixation 3 years ago and I don't even read the scans anymore. Let's do it anyway, maybe it'd wake some sparkle in me and I'd be able to finish my fanfictions !

Favorite Character: I used to say Present Mic or Bakugo and I'm not sure now. I think Aizawa-sensei is someone safe to say, he'd never not be in my Top 3.

Favorite Arc/Episode/Scene: It's been so long, I don't really know

Character I Think is Underrated: Hatsune Mei. I love her and I rarely see people talking about her (or maybe I'm not on the good side of the fandom). And Mina (I know she's loved but not enough)

Character I Think is Overrated: All Might, I don't really like him. Mineta of course, he deserves Hell.

Favorite Ship/Pairing: EraserMic. I didn't write 3 fanfics about those dumbass gay teachers to not put them here.

Something I Love About the Show/Movie: The theme is good : how should we build a society where almost everyone has a superpower ? How do you regulate that ? How do you classify people as heroes, vigilantes and villains ? How do childhood trauma and socioeconomic differences, and traditional cultures play on the development of the superpower and the life of a person ?

AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER

This one is easier because I've already did a fan card about it!

Favorite Character: Zuko. Also Toph.

Favorite Arc/Episode/Scene: The Boiling Rock episodes.

Character I Think is Underrated: I don't think there's one ? I just think Avatar Kyoshi is a bit misinterpreted because the fans love exaggerating, but nothing actually bad.

Character I Think is Overrated: Jet maybe. I just feel nothing about him outside the context of him

Favorite Ship/Pairing: Zukka Nation

Something I Love About the Show/Movie : It's just perfect ? Perfect representation of everything ? It shows so many delicate subjects (people -kids- involved in war, sexism, racism, denial, terrorism, propaganda, redemption, trauma) and it's just GOOD. Zuko returns to his abusive family and makes more mistakes. Sokka looks down on women despite living years of his life surrounded by them. Katara steals something because her ego is hurt. Aang hides something to his friends because he has abandonment issues. Toph is.... Toph. And it's so well written and perfect and good.

JUJUTSU KAISEN

I've done this one too but it's still hard to me lmaooo

Favorite Character: Geto Suguru and Gojo Satoru and Choso and Itadori Yuuji and-

Favorite Arc/Episode/Scene: Hidden Inventory Arc. The story should have stopped here. We don't need anything more come on it's fine. Everyone's happy and it's fine (episodes 4 and 5 don't exist)

Character I Think is Underrated: Ino Takuma. Protect him.

Character I Think is Overrated: That fucking Naoya Bitch. I learned his in the TOP 20 popularity poll ??? HOW THE FUCK ??????? I literally cannot see his face, it gives me nausea. I hate him so sincerely, I don't even want to think about him.

Favorite Ship/Pairing: You know, I know, we know. The strongest. The one and only. The curse me a little at the end. They're known by many names. Satosugu, Gego, Sugusato, Goge, SaltSugar, whatever you want.

Something I Love About the Show/Movie: It's literally a story about love. It is not a romance anime, but it is about love. The theme comes back so often. Suguru loved his friends and it doomed him. Satoru loved Suguru and became a teacher. Yuuta loved Rika and cursed her. Geto's family loved him. It's all about love and no one could convince me otherwise.

[bhaalsdeepbat]

little brain wiring things ✨

i helped plan a party that we decided to throw together last second. It was a fairy themed garden party with a planned mini-concert. The concert had a $5 cover that would be donated to a trans mutual aide fund. it was just supposed to be a house party that was also a nice little community event on my friend's lawn.

my friend knows that i smoke to manage my joint pain and i have very specifically, and clearly, been given blanket permission to smoke on the property because they know me, i can handle myself, and again. it's not just recreational, even if other people (not my friend) think so based on the amount i fucking smoke.

the group of friends i have rn have never made me feel judged or wrong for this, which is extremely important to me bc this is an extreme source of shame for me that i'm still working on unpacking bc of the way I was raised.

anyways, there was a miscommunication where I was not told about this being a dry & sober party, which meant that It was NOT on the invitation that I made and was sent out to a few friend groups, who all did show up with alcohol. I also was not told about 1 of the 3 organizers wanting the event to be dry/sober until I arrived at the house with food, decorations, ect at 3:30 day of, so I couldn't make alternative arrangements.

but i had already like. made specific ones to smoke discreetly regardless bc i'm not an asshole. i use a vape if we are somewhere people might catch a glimpse of me. so this also had me frustrated with the interaction that i was going to have later. like i would have gotten some edibles or smth bc i knew my pain level was gonna be high from how busy the day would be.

it was really fucking hot, I have pretty bad heat intolerance already from disabilities, but also am on medications that make it harder to handle the heat. I had been overheated for 6 hours at that point, had been on my feet for most of it, and like. again. i helped organize the event, so i was there early for set up.

my friend whose house it was at is VERY good about understanding my disability and i cannot stress enough that they're like. 10/10. no judgement. they let me stay inside while people were setting up outside bc they believed me when I told them how sick I get. since i couldn't do anything outside, I set things up inside (food, cleaning, getting garbage) and made sure to clean up after the people who had come over early to hang out inside moved outside.

so i was tired. my hips were fucking hurting. i made an ice pack with the decision of going out and sitting on the lawn to draw and chill. to paint an image, we are all out on the lawn. people are clearly drinking. i'm minding my business, had just finished doing a puff-puff-pass with my vape that INCLUDED ONE OF THE OTHER EVENT ORGANIZERS. and again, i was just smoking a fucking vape.

this group of people all arrived together after we had been out on the lawn smoking and drinking for 15-20 mins. This child fucking zeroed in on me and just came over to me to tell me the event organizers said this was a sober event.

again, people were drinking. and i,,,,helped organize shit. i have a hard time emotionally regulating when I'm overheated like. I cannot handle too hot, it overwhelms me and i get overstimulated VERY quickly. which means i'm more emotional when dumb shit happens

it was such a small fucking interaction, but I heard this child like 5 mins later return to their group and loudly talk about how they had told the friend whose house it was and my friend covering my ass by saying "oh, it was for inside, only. outdoor isn't dry c:"

i was already not feeling the vibe. i felt really alienated earlier bc it's hard to connect with neurotypicals and i don't do well interacting with people in group settings once the numbers get too large. the house also was still empty bc my friend is moving in, so the sound echo inside was SO bad. i had nowhere to go to just let my senses calm tf down, my AC in my car doesn't work when the humidity is this bad, and i just

i a party i helped set up, decorate, and even provided foood for, and cried the entire way home and i feel like such a fucking dumb lmao

I just felt incredibly alienated in a way I hadn't felt in a long time. and i had already felt uncomfortable prior to this incident. there were a lot of people there i didn't know who were writers, but neurotypical. i was struggling to process anything anyone said bc of how loud it was inside, which was making me come off as extremely rude. i had someone tell me they were too intimidated to talk to me based on my appearance, but we had a lovely one on one and they realized i'm just very quiet.

and i can't fucking talk about where the root of THAT specific problem is bc we can't have a fucking conversation about desirability, beauty, and femininity without the "oh it must suck to have pretty privilege" bullshit. it's really fucking frustrating when you present as hyper femme, but are viewed as standoffish/bitchy simply bc you didn't accompany the hyper femme aesthetic with being overly bubbly, friendly, and social to accommodate for other people's own discomfort from your presence. like you have to make up for their perception of you by performing approachability.

i also hate the way people view weed vs alcohol. i hate that i'm made to feel this way for something that helps me manage a condition that i cannot get medical help for. it used to be the only thing i had for my fucking endometriosis pain, too, when i still had my uterus.

all those people were around the lawn drinking recreationally, but I got zeroed in on. while i was just trying to fucking bring my baseline pain back down bc i didn't realize how high it had gotten from being on my feet all day.

i'm just. frustrated. i don't even know what the fuck the crux of it is.

[thestonedknifeman]

Now I normally don't do product reviews and for two reasons one I'm not famous nobody's going to listen to me anyways and two no company is going to pay me to tell the truth about their piece of shit product.

I present to you the stroger pcp (pre-charged pneumatic) xm1 air rifle.One of the worst air rifles I have ever had.. this is actually the second rifle I've been through the first one seals gave out the third time I shot it. After fighting with the stroger / Benelli company I finally got them to send a replacement it only cost me a hundred bucks to ship this one back east and wait 6 months to get another oversized overpriced substandard paperweight!

Now my first concern overall my concern I can't stress that enough as well as my first dislike of this air rifle is an order to read the air gauge you must put the muzzle end of the barrel in the general direction of your own head in order to read the gauge.

I don't believe I need to elaborate on how much of a no no this is! But that's what stroger / Benelli did! There's the photographic evidence folks!

My second dislike of this air rifle is the lack of reliability and durability. As I said the first one I got I was able to shoot three times before the internal seals gave out. The second one will not even accept a charge from the pump that sold with the rifle. Thus rendering it the overpriced substandard paperweight that it is.

My second complaint that designers or engineers whatever you might call them,i call them jackasses we're too ignorant to put a barrel strap where it was needed. Anybody who knows their ass from a hole in the ground realizes that everything needs to be supported securely! Yep stroger / Benelli that's real craftsmanship there with that sloppy barrel 😂. I laugh even harder when I think of trying to take a perched shot with this rifle and it's sloppy barrel.

We'll discuss the pressures and again putting a barrel strap or at least some kind of reinforcement where it's needed and I'm talking about here by the breach. Most PCP airguns run at about 2000 bar which is equivalent to 3,000 PSI give or take a bit. I'd like to see a little bit more than a piece of plastic for the rotary clip that jams up all the time and again a barrel strap right in front of where it's only press fitted in. Not to mention if stroger / Benelli can't make internal seals that withstand these pressures how am I supposed to have the confidence that these pressures won't blow up in my face, how can any of benelli's customers be confident that their firearms will not blow up in their face!

And since we're discussing the pressures of the air gun is a good moment to tell you about the consistency of the shots. Or rather the lack of consistency. Stroger / Benelli claims that you could get 30 shots per charge of the air gun. I say that that is a straight-up marketing lie the first air gun that I was able to shoot three times meaning the gun came pre-charged I emptied it to a certain point of pressure refilled it and shot again twice. Had an average of 5 to 8 consistent shots and a total of 15 to 18 shots per charge. The replacement that I had to fight stroger / Benelli to uphold the honor in their warranty and replace the air rifle, got a total of four consistent shots before the decline and pressure was so rapid as well as the drop in the projectile that the rifle cannot be sited in!!!!! Now we'll talk about actually charging air rifle itself given that it takes roughly 3,000 lb PSI. In some states the compressors that are compatible with PCP air rifles are either banned or highly regulated which means a certain percentage of these PCP air rifles owners are stuck with the hand pumps which suck. They are prone to failure the gauges on your pump never match the gauges on your air rifle. And like the air rifles the pumps only have a lifespan of 1 to 3 uses before failure!!!!!

I guess next is to comment on the loading and feeding mechanisms which the first rifle I received had no issues at all. The second rifle I received on replacement however jams every shot! I'm not sure if this is due to the sloppy rotary clip and plastic molding injection that they use or if it's due to poor quality machining tolerance on the bolt breach, receiver, and all that good stuff. I have no confidence in Benelli / stroger or their workmanship!

They claim to have an adjustable trigger but it's very little adjustment for those who have fat or narrow fingers it does not in any way adjust of the pull of the trigger and is in no way a multi-stage trigger nothing fancy just you can slide it back enough to fit your finger with a glove around it. The trigger pull itself isn't all that bad it's one of the better things I have to say about the air rifle.

Next we will talk about the designer/engineers/jackasses placement of picatinny rails and their scope mounting we'll start with the placement of the picatinny rails.

I'm 6 ft and wear a size 13 shoe. The brass threaded inserts on the front part of the foregrip to the end of the barrel is over 12 inches. Good luck being able to use a flashlight on your picatinny rails. And this is a good moment to remind you guys a lack of barrel strap with such a long barrel and they gave no option of a picatinny rail on the bottom with a heavy rifle to put a bipod. So good luck trying to get any kind of good shot resting your end of your barrel on a log or tree branch or whatever to make that vital shot so that you can eat dinner because there is no fucking rations. Yeah stroger Benelli I just pointed out vital design flaws again how many times have I done this in this post. I'll be giving you a link to this in a email Pat.

Scope mounts as well as the scope that comes with the rifle are as Bart Simpson would say craptacular.

So as for the very few things I do like about this air rifle first and foremost is that it is slightly easier on scopes and does not kick as much as barrel break air rifles. Second would be the adjustable stock pads the interchangeable cheek rest on the stock and the interchangeable sized grips. That is all

Overall I would give the stroger xm1 22 or 177 caliber PCP air rifle a rating of overrated overpriced substandard paperweight! Which in reality my best friend just pointed out the wind would probably blow the papers out from underneath this useless paper weight. And when I say overpriced I spent about $400 for this POS when I would rely on my Chinese take down recurve bow at 40 lb draw weight I paid $35 for on Amazon with my life before I would consider using any product from stroger and or Benelli! The fact that I would trust my life to a Chinese recurve bow before this supposed "top quality" Benelli product says a lot!

I've been living and surviving outdoors for 30 years now not part-time not on the weekends but full-time 365 days a year outdoors since I was 17 years old. I have owned many firearms many airguns many bows I have learned I've learned to make and use atlatels good enough to be proficient at taking game. As well as Spears bows in any other primitive hunting implements or technology you want to throw at me. And let me tell you stroger / Benelli I would take any one of them over your products any day in any situation even target shooting. I cannot begin to belittle companies like stroger / Benelli who practice such unethical business ethics. The only thing I can say is that such companies that practice these bad business ethics should be eradicated like a common cockroach or termite.!!!!!

15 minutes after original post my dog walked up to this rifle and hiked its leg to piss on it and my dog is a female!!!!

[sleepy-shutin]

seeing that post by sophie was one of the biggest pieces of evidence that sophie doesn't know literally a god damn thing about DID.

she hasn't done enough research into DID to know that the last literal leading theory for how DID develops before the theory of structural dissociation was that children had imaginary friends that they dissociated and projected their trauma and trauma-related feelings onto to cope with the trauma they received, where these imaginary friends later became alters.

this right here is, by itself, one of the biggest reasons you should never take anything that sophie says seriously. she is a pseudo-intellectual who doesn't care about scientific fact, she just wants to sound smart, seriously.

she also (and the anon in the post) just don't know what the fuck self states even are. they're not fully formed separate identities without amnesia between them, they're states of being. self states are activated in certain situations, such as when the person is in distress or in need of comfort, or in need of mental stimulation and play, for example. EVERYONE has self states, from children to adults. "work self" and "home self" are self states that adults have, and children may have "school self" and "home self" self states. the difference in children is that these self states are less stable and less well regulated because the child is still developing, (which is how we can get to fragmentation where self states become full blown alters down the line if trauma is introduced), while in a healthy adult without a CDD, they tend to be more stable/consistent and are integrated.

even this is a very simplified explanation, but it should get the point across. you don't "remember" having self states as children because you're not supposed to remember having self states. they're certain action systems and sets of behaviors activated under certain circumstances, not necessarily something you actively choose to do.

when a young child is hungry, they may go into a self state that focuses almost exclusively on food and becomes distressed when it cannot be accessed for whatever reason, be it neglect or just an inappropriate time for the child to be eating. adults can regulate their hunger self states much better than children because their whole sense of self is much more well integrated and stable than that of a two year old.

you people would know this if you'd read the haunted self.

she kept posting screencaps of the DSM's entry for DID, which doesn't mention a trauma requirement because people with DID often don't remember their trauma or downplay it, it has vague wording like "associated with" instead of "directly caused by" because that is the nature of clinical language. in the DSM (and the clinical literature on DID itself, for the record), it mentions no other cause for DID than trauma, at all. if there were other causes people knew of, then it would be listed. if DID could just *happen* then it would be mentioned. but it can't, so the DSM says all of this instead.

people criticized her for posting these cherry picked and intentionally misread screenshots of the DID entry in the DSM, so she then took to posting the comorbidities section of the entry for PTSD instead, which says that the [visible] onsets of DID and other dissociative disorders could be preceded by a traumatic event. not that the disorders can be caused by single trauma, but rather that the symptoms could be visible under stress. this is another intentional misinterpretation of a cherry-picked part of the DSM, which is the only clinical literature sophie has read on DID.

oh, and, trauma primarily before the age of 2 can in fact cause DID in some cases. need i remind people that one of the lowest age range for the development of DID was up to 4 years old. not at all an agreeable age range, but there is a reason for that, and the reason for that is that things like newborn abuse and young toddler abuse can and do occur and cause DID in people. specifically, the kinds of DID it tends to cause are DID with comorbid BPD and polyfragmented DID because of how impactful the trauma is/can be at that age.

i follow more than one person on social media whose DID was caused by trauma and abuse and neglect from before the age of 5, some people even with mostly infant/young toddler abuse, like diagnosed and everything. so the notion that DID can't be caused by such things is just... wrong. sure, that's more than likely not the only factor that went into developing the DID of these people (trauma is never the only factor that goes into developing DID), but that doesn't make it any less wrong. while i can't say that these things are commonly the result of newborn/infant/young toddler abuse, or that these forms of abuse themselves are even especially common, i can say that this does happen.

all this to say: sophie is a pseudo-intellectual who has no business talking about DID the way she does, when she has barely scratched the surface in regards to reading clinical research on DID. first claiming continuously that DID can be caused by something other than trauma and citing nothing but the DSM (proving she hasn't read anything else on DID other than the DSM entry for it, because literally all the clinical literature on DID says it is inherently a traumagenic disorder, all the way back to its MPD days; the other sources saying it's not traumagenic are also saying that it's not real, i.e. the fantasy model. the DSM itself doesn't list another cause for DID than trauma, so anything she posts about DID not being inherently traumagenic is cherry-picking, intentional misreadings, and hypothetical based on clinical language that sounds that way for a reason), to this nonsense.

also, conveniently, she never lists what exactly can cause DID outside of trauma, or what would cause a person to dissociate to such an extent that they develop fully autonomous dissociated parts with amnesia between each other other than trauma. dissociation is inherently disconnection, and while dissociation is nowhere near DID-specific, dissociation to the extent of a disorder, and especially to the extent of DID, has no reason to happen without trauma. don't give me that "brains are complex" bullshit.

i'm saying this to everyone regardless of syscourse stance: sophie is not a reliable source on DID whatsoever. she has not read the literature, rather she pretends she has, and speaks on DID as if she knows anything about it when in actuality, she doesn't know what in the actual, gluten-free, home-grown fuck she's talking about, and just makes shit up 90% of the time, all basing it on pretty much nothing but poorly done endo studies and the DSM's entry for DID.

sophie doesn't care about being right, she cares about cherry picking, intentional misreadings of clinical literature and being intentionally obtuse, and doing whatever she can to save face and look right.

there are a lot of reasons not to listen to sophie and her bullshit, but her dedication to be as wrong as possible while posing herself as some kind of misunderstood high-brow academic. she continuously says the most wrong shit you've ever heard, and then doubles down as much as possible. nobody should be listening to her about anything, let alone DID.

and for reference, not to have a dick measuring contest or anything, but here is a portion of my personal library on clinical research on DID:

this isn't even all my papers, and doesn't get into the books i have on the subjects of trauma & dissociation.

to be clear: if you use this post to send hate or harassment to sophie, you are verifiably worse than her and her misinformation. do not use my post as an excuse to send some random internet assholes anonymous hate. doing so only fuels the dickbaggery of these people. i made this post specifically so people know not to listen to her.

[heart-of-copper-dog-training]

What is a dog trainer anyway?

As a fan of the Office, I like to say it's the same as Michael Scott declaring bankruptcy: anyone can step outside and yell "I am a dog trainer!"

And suddenly, they are. Similar to Michael, though, it doesn't really mean anything.

There is a severe lack of regulation in America of the dog training industry, and with the number of certifications and lack there in, professional jargon that sounds impressive, and apprenticeships, it takes a dog trainer to navigate finding a good dog trainer.

And that's just not really consumer friendly. I could spend the rest of this going through each and every certification I've heard of and try to explain what they all mean, but that'd be tedious and boring to read and honestly, probably not too helpful. Though, if someone does want that list, let me know and I will do my best to explain any of the ones I know of personally and research the ones I don't.

Today, though, I wanna talk about Paris. And by Paris, I mean the world's tiniest, cutest little shihtzuwith the cutest little snaggle tooth currently under my care for a client. I cannot express enough how adorable and tiny she is. She makes Donut look HUGE.

I don't often board dogs and when I do, it's only former clients or friends/family. It's not a service I like to make a living of, because the quality of care I would expect from someone having my dog integrated into their home is a lot. I have to manage and ensure all the dogs get along, never leave them unsupervised, maintain my dogs' schedule while adding a new (temporary) addition, give them all the love and cuddles on top of my dogs, make sure the situation is the least stressful it can be (and hopefully actually fun for the dog by the end of it!) and of course, meds/food/care etc and it's basically like owning a new dog for a small amount of time.

But I do have exceptions for dogs like Paris.

What does this have to do with my initial question? Well, you saw the trigger warning and here is another before we continue. There will be no pictures here that aren't cute dogs, so it is strictly the words.

Trigger warning start:

Paris is not her Guardian's first dog. Paris was a bit of an "well, it's just for my kid, I'm not ready for a dog but this one needs a home, I don't like small dogs," kinda dog who is now the pampered beloved little child of her Guardian.

But the reason her Guardian had all these reservations was due to her previous dog. And her previous trainer, who also offered boarding services in addition to training. And I can imagine you can see where this is going.

I wasn't there. Neither was Paris's Guardian. But an incident occurred at the trainer's house that resulted in the death of her previous dog. She was, understandably, devastated. She tried to take legal action but there wasn't enough evidence from my understanding and the only thing she walked away with was a dead dog and no punitive damages.

According to the trainer, the dogs got along fine and the attack "came out of nowhere". The trainer's dogs had never attacked another dog before and there was "nothing that could have prevented it". The quotes are quotes, not meant to mock.

That trainer is still a dog trainer.

Trigger warning end

After the incident, Paris's Guardian didn't want another dog and had no idea what went wrong with the trainer. I don't know the trainer and even if I did, I wouldn't drag them out here online.

Because the problem with the trainer is the problem with the dog training industry: there's no regulation. It's possible that the trainer was amazing at teaching basic house manners, cues, tricks, sports, who knows.

But it's very clear that the trainer had a poor read on dog body language, possibly even on their own dogs. It's not uncommon for people to misread or misjudge their dogs. And it's definitely happened with some trainers, even trainers with years and years of experience.

I met Paris's Guardian through a referral after she had chosen to get Paris "for her daughter" (she loves that dog like her own child, it's super cute). She was nervous to get a trainer at all, but was struggling with small things and didn't know how to proceed.

And when I met her at their house, it was clear she'd never been given any lessons on dog body language, as Paris was immediately nervous at this stranger in her home. When Paris backed up and barked, her Guardian told her, "Paris, be nice, this is our trainer, come on and meet her".

So I had a great opening to discuss meeting Paris's needs and boundaries. I took almost five minutes to get into the house, simply waiting at an appropriate distance for Paris's comfort while tossing her high value treats (behind her) so that she could build that confidence and positive association. And even after I was in the house, she still didn't want to approach me.

Her Guardian was embarrassed and kept apologizing for "Paris's bad manners". Which was understandable from her point of view, but it also led to more great discussions on Paris's body language and making sure SHE was comfortable with me and that SHE had her needs met. I'm the trainer, my needs are met just fine by being able to talk to my clients and demonstrate (with my dog, their dog, or just a video) how to do whatever cues or behaviors they're looking for. I don't NEED to pet or play with every dog I meet. (No matter how illegally cute they are).

I wasn't told about the incident until the second session. And it was hard to hear, as it was clearly still quite fresh in her Guardian's mind. An open wound caused by a trainer who was not as qualified as she'd been led to believe. I'm not certain if this trainer had ANY certifications, but as I mentioned before, they all have different levels of meaning, training, expectations to receive. Some of them are glorified paid subscriptions with little follow through on ensuring standards are met.

And some of them change vastly in the span of a few years. I know my program has shifted dramatically (for the better, in my opinion) with their apprenticeship section. The prior apprenticeship was a joke and had I not already had decades of dog training experience (and gotten an even more experienced mentor) it would have been a waste of time. I literally went with it because I got a scholarship and wanted to not be a hypocrite in calling for more standardization in the dog training world.

Don't get me wrong, I've met plenty of trainers that have no certifications but plenty of experience through apprenticeship or research or hands on work or just have that natural instinct to work well with dogs of all types and are amazing trainers that have none of the "alphabet soup" behind their name on the business card. They go by word of mouth and build their reputation by showing their abilities through their clients.

But as for me, I am constantly doing research on the side and educating myself to the current science. I am in several dog training groups to learn new techniques and have a back and forth discussion in different cases. I pay for smaller courses to brush up on things I feel I could use a better grasp on, but they don't come with certifications most of the time.

Basically, I am holding myself accountable for my knowledge as I try to constantly keep up to date on what the science says. I don't use labels for myself that are inaccurate, such as calling myself a "behaviorist" or a "behavior consultant". Those labels have actual meaning behind them and certifications of a higher level that I currently don't have. I can do behavior modification, I have experience and knowledge on how to work with reactive/aggressive/anxious dogs.

But if a case is beyond my capacity, I will bring in a veterinarian behaviorist, or a behavior consultant. I will admit when I am out of my realm of knowledge because that is the responsible thing to do.

BUT nothing says I HAVE to do that. NOTHING says I can't just take on a caseload well beyond my expertise and muddle my way through it. No one is going to come after me for saying I'm a "behaviorist" or "behavior consultant", despite those two terms actually having an actual high level certification behind them.

Dog trainers work on the honor system here in America. It's absurd. And shouldn't be that way.

There is so little oversight and so little consequence for that pretty much anyone can do it and we all, in the public, just accept that it has always been this way and we just have to be careful in who we choose to interact with.

Even trainers WITH certifications can be unqualified to do the most basic of dog training, or be so behind on current research that they haven't kept up to date on the dog training world. Not all certifications are created equal, and even some of the better ones don't require continuing education to maintain. And even those that DO aren't reinforced enough. There's nothing saying a trainer can't do the required continuing education for the points to keep their certification current and then ignore all of it to do outdated training because "it's worked for me so far and this certification gets people in the door".

Yes, people can report them to these institutions and maybe something will happen. Or maybe they'll just drop that certification and refuse to change. Shift their business name and find new clients.

This is a cautionary tale. I have since spent time with Paris's Guardian going over yellow and red flags in trainers and what green flags to look for. I am unfortunately going to move in a few years so I cannot be her forever trainer or boarder, but I will help her find one when I leave. I don't want her to have a repeat experience simply because my industry is so spread out and unregulated.

The call to action to pet Guardians is to vote with your wallets. Don't hire shoddy trainers. Demand they prove their worth and knowledge. Call them out when they claim expertise they do not have.

The call to action to trainers is to do better. Ensure we are trained and up to date on the current science. Hold ourselves to a higher standard and admit when we're out of our league. Never assume we know everything about dog training and that we have nothing new to learn. Even something as simple as cue training can be done a multitude of ways and no one way works for every dog. We should KNOW this and we should OWN UP to it. Be willing to admit when we are wrong and also willing to learn something new.

No one likes to change and no one likes to admit we they are wrong. But the science doesn't care about our feelings. The clients shouldn't have to care, either. We have a responsibility to the public to educate pet Guardians on how best to help their pets navigate a world not designed for them.

In the meantime, I will be keeping an eye on this illegally cute shihtzu, making sure her stay with me is as comfortable and safe as possible.

Until then, as always, be kind to yourself, to others and to your dogs. It's free to be kind.

[wastehound-voof]

So I have learned that you cannot save an Ask as a draft. It will disappear into the ether. Forever.

Anon who is thinking of not drinking soda/pop anymore due to concerns of kidney stones and wants to know if I noticed any changes since I have recently quit soda. Yes.

I've stopped drinking soda cold turkey multiple times throughout my life and every time I've lost weight (currently down 8 lbs this time around). My skin and hair are healthier, my bowel movements are more regular (yeah we're getting personal), my mental health has improved, which is to say that my moods are more even and I can better regulate my emotions. Caffeine will worsen stress and anxiety, of course. Physically I feel better all around.

This is, of course, after getting over that initial two week withdrawal period. If you go cold turkey and your body is used to you drinking a lot of soda daily, then you're going to feel like garbage the first week or two. Headaches, irritability, depression, anxiety... all that fun stuff. Keep in mind, I was drinking over 2 liters, sometimes 3 liters, of soda a day. Depending on how much you currently drink you may not feel such symptoms, or not as intensely.

As for kidney stones, I've never had one. I've never felt I might have one. Drinking too much soda can contribute to kidney stones, but it is not the sole cause. I'd evaluate your entire diet if stones are your only concern. Are you drinking enough water? Are you overweight? How much salt, sugar, and acid are in your diet? Do you get enough exercise? Do you exercise too much? I say this not to dissuade you from cutting back or cutting out soda, but to also look at your overall diet and health habits.

I say quit soda for awhile (months) and see how you feel. You will only feel better. Be sure to drink plenty of water, more than you think you should, especially if you're going cold turkey. I drink seltzer water to get that soda feeling, and I do drink tea (unsweetened and very lightly sweetened) for a little caffeine but keep in mind that too much tea can contribute to kidney stones forming. If you do quit soda, keep in mind not to replace it with sugary juice and sports drinks, because it's the sugar you're worried about here so that would be counter productive.

If you have any other questions, don't hesitate to ask. I won't send it into Draft purgatory. Good luck and good health.

[ben-wisehart]

But how can you ban them if you can't detect them? At least when people tag them I can filter it instead of reading and wondering was that ai or bad writing/not first language/young writer?

Hi Anon! I'm glad you've asked this because I've been talking about it on Twitter all afternoon. I'm going to link you some threads and then I'll summarise my stance at the end:

Not mine but I highly recommend reading as it answers the above question much better than I am about to: https://twitter.com/dcyiyou/status/1658821419491262464

mine: https://twitter.com/bobby_speeds/status/1658867137870725121

In essence...

I'm literally advocating for only removing the ones that openly say they're AI. That’s my stance.

Ao3 already hosts fanworks that are against its TOS. I mentioned placeholder fics in the post you're responding to (here if people missed it), but much more seriously: commissioned works. Stories written for profit do not fall under fair use and are therefore against the Archive's TOS - but we all know there are still hundreds of them (probably more) on there. It's impossible to regulate when the authors do it quietly and don't mention it on the archive itself. Everyone knows that this happens, but that doesn't mean Ao3 shouldn't have a policy against it and shouldn't remove the ones that are blatant about flouting the rules.

AI fics aren't fanworks. Right now it's still unclear whether they would even be protected under fair use the way non-profit fanworks are. It's not about completely removing them from the archive, it's about drawing a clear distinction between what is and isn't a fanwork, which AI objectively is not.

People who post AI works for fun and people who pass off AI output as their own are fundamentally different people. The former are jumping on a bandwagon. The latter are pathetic losers and they'll eventually get bored. And they are, I cannot stress this enough, already doing it whether AI works are allowed or not because the thing that makes you go "hey guys, look at this neat thing I got from playing around on ChatGPT!" is not the same thing that makes you lie about making something on a platform where the only currency is praise.

I genuinely don't think the increase in untagged AI fics will be anything like people are suggesting, but even if it were, I guess I just don't care. Maybe I just don't understand this panic over not being able to filter out AI works because I already back out of 90% of fics I click on. I am unfathomably picky, and AI fics are so bad it takes less than a minute to recognise that it isn't worth reading (whether you know it's AI or not). I would rather back out of 91% instead if it means Ao3 actually taking a stand against a technology that I find so fundamentally repulsive and antithetical to everything the OTW stands for.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW: severe anxiety issues, mental health issues, relationships

Hello. My long-term partner is experiencing extreme anxiety and depression. It is admirable that he still goes to work and does an excellent job there, but when home he is nearly always worried and upset and on edge. Anything can send him spiraling, and even with a small choice such as what to have for dinner, he grows very unhappy ruminating on how he might have made the wrong choice. He is constantly going back in his mind, trying to make the opposite choices of those he made in the past.

He will not consider therapy or medication or any form of stress relieving class. I respect his choices, but being around him is painful. I am trying to manage my own anxiety and depression and he cannot do anything to lift me up: being around him, and everything he says, nearly convinces me that the present is bad and the future is black. I have grown to hate being near him because of how it makes me feel.

I want to leave, but also how can I leave when that might be his tipping point? And he isn't like this on purpose. Can you think of any solutions I could try?

Thank you :-)

Hi anon,

I'm sorry to hear about the state of your relationship and what you've been dealing with. Being with someone who refuses to help themselves or help you can definitely be exhausting, and please know that you're not alone.

Sometimes if someone's levels of anxiety and depression are high enough to the point that they're impacting their partner or the relationship, that's indicative that perhaps they're not ready to be in a relationship. There is a certain amount of weight that must be mutually pulled and if someone slacks behind too far, sometimes it crosses the point of no return and it may be better for the relationship to end than continue.

It's one thing for your partner to have a few times where he may need some emotional support, but it sounds like this is much more frequent, to the point that it may be taking a toll on you and the relationship. It also sounds like this relationship is in many ways out of balance, because not only does he not attempt to self-regulate, but he doesn't support you like you may be supporting him. It's important for relationships, especially long term relationships, to have an equal balance of emotional support.

It appears you're considering a breakup, which is totally understandable. Please remember that his "tipping point" doesn't dictate your decision. You have the right to break up for any reason. Your actions don't make you accountable for his emotions. After the breakup, you're not responsible for his emotional support, so the impact on his well-being isn't your concern. Do what you feel is necessary for your mental health.

If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist can help you process the relationship, navigate your experiences, and potentially help you develop some healthy coping mechanisms that you can take with you.

I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[dream-eating-youkai]

Ok so the pharmacy where i get T fucked up with the syringes and I'm really annoyed about it. They gave me 5 syringes with 18G needles and like 20 with 25G needles. I honestly don't understand why they'd do this. I've tried thinking about it from multiple angles and I just. Don't get it. I will explain why this was bad in a numbered list My computer crashed when I was writing this.

TW for lots of talk about needles and injections under the read more.

I usually use 1 syringe with 2 different needles: one to draw the t and one to inject. Usually it's a 21G to draw and a 25G to inject. Luckily the needles on these syringes are detachable so I can still do that, I'll just have an extra syringe.

Unfortunately the 18G is, rather predictably, FUCKING HUGE. It's absolute shit to use but whatever. I'll go get new syringes tomorrow.

The syringe is a 3ml syringe. I need .25ml. Ok I can just guess, I know where .2 and .3 are i can just get somewhere between them. because guessing how much stuff to inject into your body is a Great Idea!

There's nothing to stop the syringes leaking while you switch the needle. Whatever I'll just hold it so it doesn't spill. I'll go get new syringes tomorrow.

This 25G is somehow way smaller than the 25G I usually use. Ok hopefully that won't be a problem.

So I inject it and. It won't inject. The plunger won't go down. I take the needle OUT OF MY FUCKING BODY because it's not fucking doing anything while it's in there

Out of sheer curiosity, I hold it over something and try to push the plunger down. With great difficulty, a single drop is pushed out. My guess is that either the "taking the needle off and putting a new one on" the "tiniest needle I have ever seen" or the "3ml syringe and the tiniest needle I have ever seen" is the reason for this.

So whatever, right? I'll just get different ones tomorrow. I start looking online to see if I can order them because it'd be easier to get a lot that way.

I find a medical supply company that has the exact syringes I used to use before running out. Yay! Unfortunately they only sell to medical professionals and retailers which, at time of writing this, I am not (I'm working on it). Luckily they have a separate site for general customers... which doesn't sell syringes. I start looking on the internet to see if anyone knows where I can get this shit. I see a lot of posts and comments where people say you can get them on amazon but guys.

I cannot stress enough the fact that I would never buy a syringe on fucking amazon. I am going to stab it into my fucking body I do not want to order it on the website that's hosted such classics as "thorium dildo" and "Microwaves that catch on fire".

There is next to no regulation on that site and you're sitting here telling me to order fucking needles from them? are you insane?? Like it's one thing ordering a cow plush or a dumb hat from amazon but like. those things don't go in my body.

[onlinesportsgambling12]

Important Information Before Gambling Online

It is sad how many people just jump into online gambling with no thought. Sometimes, I feel these people will suffer the consequences. It sounds cold, but it is very true. There are many resources available that can help people learn more about online gambling. Since that is the essence of gambling, I can understand the entertainment aspect.

People who become desperate and lose all of their hard-earned money within a matter seconds or minutes are the ones that fall to their doom. Because I'm human, I have feelings for people who are sad and need my help. Let me start by saying this. Don't gamble if you are depressed or down. You'll do better if you can draw a line and distinguish the entertainment from the addictive side of gambling.

Before you spend even 5 seconds on any online gambling site, there are important things that you should know. Online casinos offer a completely different experience than traditional casinos. Although the concept may seem similar, different rules and regulations apply.

Please read carefully. Let me be blunt. You may need someone to help you understand the rules and if you have difficulty understanding the online casino rules. You will need to know all about the payout percentages and the odds of winning. You will want to be familiar with all information presented.

It is important to read the reports of each online casino. Analyzing the reports from previous months will be helpful. You should also take a look at the terms of the website you're visiting. Although I'm not sure how to interpret the terms and conditions, you should at least try to make an effort to learn what they are.

These rules are different for every casino. There are many casinos that will give you cash bonuses and freebies, but you need to know when you can withdraw the money. Many online casinos will keep your bonus until you have played a certain amount before you can withdraw. It's not unusual for this to happen. You should move on if you find a site with games that you don't know how to play. There are many other sites you can play on the internet. It's not a good idea to accept a site with games that you don't like playing.

Learn all of the steps. You may be able to win a lot of money if you are aiming for the ultimate goal. However, you might consider doing something with a lower risk. To make a profit out of the bonuses, you need to know how much money you can afford. You should not play for an amount that is unreasonable according to the terms and conditions. This is an important point that I cannot stress enough.

Remember to start with a budget! Participating in online games requires that you have a set budget and a fixed amount of money. You must keep an eye on your finances. Keep track of your money. Know what you have, where you are winning and what you're losing. These are simple things to do. It's basically the same thing.

You must use common sense, I know that. You have the potential to win a lot and lose a lot, but your chances of winning are higher if you lack common sense. Online gambling is a great way to have fun. However, you must play legal, be safe, and keep your mind clear.

[w0lfboikieron]

A Rant About Everything

To preface this; I am 24. I'm a nonbinary trans man. I have been suspected of being neurodivergent since I was a small child and have not been assessed not by choice but because, well, look at what year it is and I turn 25 later in the year, think about what things were like even 10 years ago, let alone 15-17. I was viewed as high-intelligence so I was "gifted" and "special" and "shh we don't need to get that one assessed, that one is ✨high-functioning✨ so that one can't possibly have support needs" (ok I don't think they actually said that but that's how it feels, I hate the words "gifted" and "special" in the context of people calling me those things because it feels like they're saying I'm "smart for a r****d"). Now, I'm putting a read-more bar because this will be a lot; this way, you can hopefully read the tags first if you need to.

I feel like I don't have a good way to move forward. I can't get a job between the fact that applying for jobs feels like trying to arm-wrestle a gorilla more often than not and the fact that most jobs require experience that nowhere is willing to give (I don't have much mostly because of bad luck and financial hardship, I haven't been able to stay in a job for more than a year, also I once literally dissociated from stress and called out while I was on the subway to go in not long after having been screamed at out of the blue while on the job because canvassing for Planned Parenthood is... A very worthy cause that is not for those who cannot handle very high stress for kind of pitiful pay), I theoretically have some income coming every year from my very-recently-inherited share in a family farm that gets rented out but that's in limbo because of a death in the family just before COVID (the cynical part of me wonders if my transphobic aunt is pissed off that I inherited my mother's portion but I don't think my other aunt would let her do anything to force me out, I'll sell eventually more than likely as I intend to move overseas but for now, I need that money), I can't even really find a way to ask my dad for help because every time I try, my voice just locks up and I can't find the words even if I could make a sound to actually tell him and I've written notes before and just feel like I don't know what to even write at this point.

That is already a beast of a probably run-on sentence and I'm going to break it down in about the same order, expanding on each issue. First, the job search and related issues, this one is fourfold;

My brain says "no" and so my focus vanishes like morning mist in summer and/or my body physically refuses to continue doing the task (it's soooooo fun to be trapped in a body that won't fUCKING LISTEN TO ME /s), such as submitting job applications, particularly ones that ask you to upload a resume then ask you to manually input the same information. This issue also applies to other things.

I have severe social anxiety and probably "selective mutism" which is a terribly-named condition because it is not a choice. My vocal cords physically will not move and my brain no longer supplies words to my mouth when I'm too anxious. Combine that with social anxiety (I'm aware it could be a symptom of the social anxiety, I also live in the US so healthcare above "literally physically immediately saving your life" is a privilege and not a right because people have been tricked into thinking that market forces work to regulate the price of necessities in a corrupt and rigged system) and a particular hatred of and anxiety about phone calls and formal settings (I never fucking know if what I'm saying is actually formal enough or if I'm being too much of a kiss-ass) and you get me being effectively unable to do a lot of following up.

The system is rigged to disadvantage those who are not nepotism babies or starting/started at age 15 or whatever the minimum legal age to work is and don't have degrees. For financial and mental health reasons, I do not have a degree. Because my mom thought it would be great for me to join band in HS to "look better to colleges" (I love her, may she rest in peace, she was a product of her time) and I am not a nepotism baby (no offense to those who are and are good people, it's a systemic issue not the fault of those who were given benefits from said system without necessarily asking for them), I do not have the experience jobs want and few if any jobs are willing to hire someone with very little experience, what jobs I have had have been short-lived either by design or because of circumstances far beyond my control such as asshole customers who don't think someone should be given the benefit of the damn doubt and financial issues forcing me to move to another state to live with my dad.

Apparently, I'm fucking nocturnal. I'm not even kidding, my brain reacts the same way to sunlight that most brains react to darkness and vice versa, I sleep far sounder through the day and, as I've flipped my schedule, I've been doing better mentally and physically (not enough to change my whole life but enough that I'm not constantly fighting to stay awake). As a 4'11"-tall nonbinary trans man, I'm not sure a night shift job would be necessarily safe for me, not to mention how hard one would be to get, but I suffer immensely when forced into a diurnal rhythm. I tried it for almost 24 years so I would think that no amount of "good sleep hygiene" would help because I tried everything. Nothing was as effective as just letting my body do its thing.

I'm sure you can see how the lack of funds and the mental health issues create a fucking loop already. And sure, in theory, I have at least a saving grace, a share in a family farm, guaranteed income, right? Well, apparently, when my uncle B passed BEFORE COVID, that caused ✨issues✨ and my aunt J is still working them out, according to my aunt B (I do not talk to aunt J because she's transphobic and her whole branch of my family tree is just... Off, and not in like a mental illness way where I can understand but in a "they might actually be or want to be in a militaristic Christian cult" way where I just hope the younger ones break that cycle). I trust aunt B, she's cool, I love her, I do not trust aunt J.

My mom passed away on December 1st of 2022, I am her only child, she did not have a spouse at the time of her passing, she had no siblings (at least, no full siblings), and while she didn't have a will, that just means I'm the one who inherits by default. Unfortunately, this is all in North Carolina. I currently live a few states up from NC, I flew down to NC to deal with my mom's passing (I actually went in the hopes that I would just be dealing with next-of-kin stuff in the hospital while she recovered but she passed away while I was in the air), and from what I can tell, their online systems are run by corrupt gerbils who use only hamster wheel power to run their shit, with maybe a backup potato battery. It's ridiculous to me that there is no good way to verify next-of-kin for inheritance without mountains of fucking paperwork. Which aunt J isn't handling right now because she's apparently busy with uncle B's death paperwork and his kids' shit. I'll be lucky to get the check by the end of the year I think at this point. I actually decided to fly home before Christmas because I hated being away from family (my family in the state live a 3-hour drive away from where my mom lived and passed away) and am worried about having to go back but go to my family's hometown this time (where my mom lived is a fairly decent city, my family's hometown might actually literally have only one stoplight, maybe two, though I would appreciate going to the chicken place down there, I miss Smithfields).

Oh and speaking of family, my dad. He's awesome, no complaints whatsoever beyond that he weirdly forgets things that he intends to do for me like getting my insurance info since I'm on his insurance and I need to remind him. Which is hard for me because I'm living with him due to financial issues and already feel like I'm a burden, despite knowing he has a well-paying job (he's made comments about being able to start a bidding war for his services, he works in tech and honestly I wouldn't be surprised, he's good at what he does) and cares about me. Plus my issue with speech.

He actually tried to get me a job. But the person who was supposed to contact me ghosted me and I do not have the mental or emotional energy to deal with those kinds of games. I'm trying to work up the courage to tell him how I feel but I don't know how to put it into words when talking to him. I've been staring at the "remind dad about insurance" reminder on my phone that I made after he told me to remind me since the 8th of December, I obviously didn't do it then because 1, I wasn't in the same state as him, 2, I wasn't in a good headspace, 3, I had way too much on my plate for that. Now, it taunts me because how do I go "yeah you know that thing that you asked me to remind you about in a week when we had lunch together on Thanksgiving, I'm reminding you of that now"?

It feels like all my problems are just a big, tangled-up mess and I don't know what to do or where to start. Just laying them all out like this was hard. I do want to make it clear, I am NOT asking for other people to give me money, I'm in a physically safe place with a parent who is actually a really good guy, I'm not someone who needs it as much as others do. I'm just frustrated with the way things work in this shithole of a country.