#i checked what happens if you remove them and the next most tagged characters are Marulk and Original Character

[burinazar]

when i mention that i have the most individual MiA fics out of any author on AO3 i am not bragging. mostly i am sad about this. fic scene is very small, total of ~200 works in all languages

i am also always noting that the characters i'm likely to read/write about aren't the same ones as the characters most of the rest of the already-small fic reader and writer scene for The Hole Show is likely to read/write about. so the following results aren't news to me

but i hadn't thought to actually compare character tags for the whole fandom to character tags for my work, and the sheer disparity between 'tags of the fandom' and 'tags of the author who wrote the most individual fics in that fandom' is...funny lol. (left: MiA tag as a whole's most tagged characters; right: ebilfic's most tagged characters

[xoxo-ren-xoxo]

Hermitcraft / Life Series Fic Recs

Because I love so many of them...

I'll split the fics into completed and updating fics, and try to only recommend currently updating fics (i.e., not abandoned). I'm going to write a little about why I like each fic and what the general vibes are - so this is also a kind of review I guess?

I've tried to @ the authors if they have a public tumblr. Sorry to anyone who didn't want to be tagged, I can remove any @ if you ask (or if I have embarrassingly tagged the wrong person). Anyway, enjoy, and I appreciate reblogs because I want as many people to see these fics as possible!!

This ended up being incredibly long so I'm putting a divider here. Click to keep reading!!! Also, fair warning: shipping ahead! Some fics will have mild sexual content, please read the tags if you are unsure <3

Updating Fics

I have already recommended Help Me To Breathe, lost in the dark (he's got a heavy heart), and There Are Monsters Nearby in this post, so I won't explain why I like them a second time, but definitely check them out!!

Death's A Good Gig by @mawofthemagnetar is probably going to be finished by the time this post gets to you, reader, but I'm putting it here anyway. It's short and sweet, one of my favourite representations of Zedaph (or, Zedeath) I've read, and just a joy to experience. If you like grim reapers and discussions of unions, this one is for you. Also I need more Zedaph in my life.

Look, I'm Sorry, Please Stop Scaring Everyone by @cat-in-the-desert reminds me a lot of a particular TV drama I liked when I was younger, which followed a similar premise. This fic follows Mumbo (vampire) and Grian (ghost) as they get up to various housemate shenanigans and meet their local magic-expert and salesman Scar. This fic is fun, but still includes a nice amount of Feelings and hinted-at Angst which I really love. It's lighthearted, but never boring.

It Hurts To Hope by Inquillitory is my favourite of the "Grian crash lands into Hermitcraft and causes problems for everyone" genre. Seeing how many fics there are with that premise, I think that says a lot. It handles Grian's weird Watcher stuff really well. Honestly, I just want to know what happens next!

killing the boy in the tv by @raspberrystruck is like a sickfic on steroids. If you want Grian with so much past trauma he forgets how to function in society, this is basically the fic for you. I really love how hybrid traits affect the characters' interactions in this fic, and how everyone is kind of messed up because of the imbalance Grian brings. It is wonderfully descriptive in all the right places!

Love Me Like I'm Dead by @daniofcrows is such a gem. You know how hard it is to find good Xisuma whump? It's impossible. I absolutely love how Xisuma and Evil X are characterised in this, and I am obsessed with the unique take on hanahaki disease which I have never seen handled in this way before. The balance between flashbacks and present day is maintained wonderfully and I cannot wait to continue reading this one. Wow.

Oh, you wanted me to do a verse? by @bugbbear is... kind of indescribable. It's horror. It's comedy. It's the apocalypse. It's boatem. Scar eats someone. One of the most interesting and unique apocalypse stories I have read. Slowly updating but worth the wait, in my opinion. This one NEEDS more attention.

So Much For Stardust by @a-plethora-of-peters is basically one of my all-time favourites. Which is a damn good achievement seeing as I don't usually read ZITS fics. Like, ever. In this fic, Skizz is a human abducted and hurt badly by aliens, now recovering in the care of good aliens who don't know how 'sentient' he is. Every update of this one makes me smile, it is wonderful. I love how the characters are written and how the different perspectives are shown. It is just great.

Solar Waltz by @raspberrystruck and aroundtheclock is a brilliant and very very sad regression fic. I love fluffy regression fics as much as the next guy, but this one just... hits different. The hurt/comfort levels are off the charts. Grian is so damn cute the whole time, while also being harrowingly complicated and sad. I am so ready for whatever comes next.

Tango's Castle of Cards by @evilrat-sabre is the one where Tango is a BUG. He's just a little guy (horror). This one is so beautifully written, with poetry-type interludes and perspective changes that really make everything feel so much more impactful. Finding out your buddy is a murder bug isn't the easiest thing in the world. I love this so much.

Traveling Thieves {Dark Fantasy AU} (series) by @amethystfairy1 is basically one of the series of all time. I know I keep saying that but it really really is. I love a good fantasy au, and I love an au with hybrids even more. In this world, hybrids are treated like slaves, but it isn't all doom and gloom for the main characters of each installment. There is a lot of hurt/comfort and the different stories feed into each other in really interesting ways. I try to read as much as I can, though I've missed a few because my emails are buggy. Definitely worth reading these fics, especially since now they're all starting to come together!

Completed Fics

Solving Counting Sheep by @theminecraftbee might have rearranged my brain chemistry a little. Another strong contender for 'fics that inspire me to kill Grian', this time with a more concrete notion of "replacement". Three is my favourite fucked up living weapon. It's so rare to find Evo fics in this day and age, too. This fic had me immediately clicking on every update as soon as I got the emails.

Rescue Fire by @imaginethat0327 is one of the most unique takes on a fictionalised life series game that I have ever read. The whole concept is explained in a realistic and easy-to-follow way, as we learn what's happening with the characters. There are several brilliant storylines happening in this one, but my particular favourites are Jimmy & Tango, Joel, and of course Scar & Grian. This fic is full of whump and, well, read the tags, it isn't always pleasant, but those are my favourite things ever. Definitely worth checking out this fic and its currently updating sequel.

don't you know about me? by takenbadgering is a wonderful comedy of errors with just the right amount of angst for a realistic setting type of fic. If you enjoy polyamory miscommunications, rave aesthetics, kandi, school teacher dynamics, and a lovely blend between grumbo, cubscar, and mumscar, this is the one.

Eventually the Birds Must Land by @milo-hypno follows a polyam ship I would have never thought of, and I cannot believe how much I loved it. This married-as-friends fic premise is wonderful, and captures the main trio (Grian, Mumbo, Impulse)'s personalities so well, while balancing them with the incredibly terrifying descriptions of the Watchers and their power. There's a lot of angst here, but it is ultimately hurt/comfort to the maximum degree. I loved reading it as it updated. Yay for gay marriage!

From The Archives (series) by @sixteenth-days was the absolute inspiration for my own Comms AU, and I will never forget its influence on me. As someone basically unfamiliar with TMA, I thought this series might be hard to follow, but it was not! I read all 57 parts in the span of two days, and I think it altered my brain chemistry. Please read it, even if (especially if) you don't know anything about TMA. The Cleo and Grian storyline lives in my head rent free. I mean it. This is horror at its finest. Also there's an audio series of this fic being released rn, which is very cool.

SUPERCRITICAL by @masque-of-plague hits different. It is such a wonderful take on the superhero/HotGuy trope, and it gets so super dark at some points! This one really takes swings at it's fictional government, which of course I love, while at the same time building this brilliantly emotional relationship between Scar and Grian. I do enjoy a bit of enemies to lovers, but the actual plot mixed into the story makes this one extra special. It is thrilling, with action that I don't get to see too often! Great work.

I am weary with contending! is one of the mumscarian fics of all time. From 'this house has people in it'-type horror, to magic gone wrong, to childhood trauma, to attempted assassination, to gender fuckery, this fic has it all. Usually I don't go for convex siblings, but this one is good enough to get a pass from me. Amazingly detailed worldbuilding alongside a brilliantly creative story.

It Spreads by @foxxology may not count as a fic, actually. It's a comic. But it's posted on ao3 so it counts. I was obsessed with this one as it was updating, honestly. It rocked me to my core. The art is phenomenal. The writing is brilliant. I love sculk.

Luck of the sea by Sleepy_Duck is a lovely take on mermaid and human interactions, with Grian as a marine life conservator and Scar as a very neglected mer. This one takes us emotionally in all sorts of directions, and offers lots of hope for the future of the characters. I heavily enjoyed this fic - if you like mermaids and marine biology, check it out.

there are many downsides to being a marine biologist by donnerstag is another mermaid fic but with a pretty different vibe. First of all, it follows what I would consider a rarepair Doc/Martyn. Second of all, reading this as it updated was a thrilling experience that nearly made me cry at certain points. I love how the relationship builds in this fic. It is honestly amazing. The whole idea of experimenting on a sentient sea creature, learning that he can communicate, then losing funding and having to save him from being dissected?!?! It's crazy. I love it.

Thus concludes my fic recommendations. I hope you enjoy at least some of these, and consider reblogging to spread these wonderful fics around <3

[shadowgast-recs-weekly]

Fic Recs: Old Favorites!

This week, we have a recurring theme - older favorites! Look below the cut to see 15 recs for fics published before the finale (or thereabouts). As always, if you like them, try to give comments and kudos - especially on older works, they tend to get ignored!

To Love Something Small by Jakia (9662,Teen) Warnings: None

Essek's point of view during the campaign, and an imagined afterwards

Reccer says: I love how they capture Essek's initial arrogance but also allow for some growth and depth in change

and who could make this heart their home? by eldritch_beau (7042,Teen) Warnings: None

The night after the peace talks, Essek gets drunk. Caleb visits him.

Reccer says: It's very tender and allows for Caleb's anger along with Essek's guilt.

That Carnivorous Dark by Cers (88169,Mature) Warnings: Angst, grief, bioweaponry, torture

After returning to Rosohna from Rumblecusp, the Mighty Nein discover that Essek has been kidnapped and brought to the Vergesson Sanatorium

Reccer says: Good angsty fic with an emotionally devastating sequel. There's a great exploration of emotions and trauma, while staying in character. Also, as a bonus, this is by the same author as "The Fullness of Time" so if you liked that work you'll probably like this one too :)

Return to the Earth by LadyOrpheus (2920,Teen) Warnings: Main Character Death

From the fic: Centuries after the adventures of the Mighty Nein a pair of old friends meet, remember, and contemplate. Essek returns to the Grove after a long and full life to visit old friends.

Reccer says: This is one of the first CR fics I read, and I remember sobbing my way through it in the most cathartic ways. It's heavy, but beautiful in the weight of emotion that it weaves through and the sense of care and love.

Lacuna by Sangreal (94811,Explicit) Warnings: Creator Choose Not to Use Archive Warnings - check the tags and author's note for more details

An alternate take on Essek being found out for his crimes, and the aftermath of what happens next.

Reccer says: This one is full of interesting circumstances, where it asks the question of if a part of your memories that make you /you/ are removed, who would you be if you could choose? It's fascinating, full of character moments and detailed prose.

impossible magic by royalgreen (allyoop) (2112,Mature) Warnings: Torture, Whump, Angst, Blood and Injury

Essek is captured by an enemy that does not underestimate him. His magic is now completely blocked and all hope is gone. And yet.....someone hears him. Someone comes.

Reccer says: The mystery and worldbuilding is so excellent. Written during the hiatus, before we knew Essek was in Eiselcross, great alternate take on what could have been.

hopeful hearts by royalgreen (allyoop) (3108,Teen) Warnings: No archive warnings apply

Misfortune has led to Essek needing to hide with the Nein in Caleb's tower, but it is a beautiful place to be hidden within. Essek receives a tour of the tower....as well as something else magical he hadn't quite expected.

Reccer says: The pining and softness is so good. A warm cozy blanket of a fic.

the delicate thing you prize so much by mousecookie (13375,Teen) Warnings: None

Essek escapes the stress and isolation of his life with lucid dreaming, until the Mighty Nein (and Caleb especially) disrupt all his patterns and Essek's waking and sleeping world both spiral out of his control.

Reccer says: A portrait of loneliness with a nice ending, and the dream descriptions are cool.

rational animals by the_littlest_goblin (11963,Mature) Warnings: None

A post-canon fic spawned from Liam's infamous 'they could be spymasters' -- a version of post-campaign life of Essek and Caleb working as spymasters and spending quality time with each other around it.

Reccer says: It's fun, witty, the banter is great as is the way the different dynamics have been built. I reread this one frequently. It's an interesting view on if Caleb ended up in the archmage position and the CA was wiped out in a different way.

by his hands by wytch-lyghts (flight_on_broken_wings) (4182,Explicit) Warnings: None

A darker moment at the Vurmas Outpost where Essek teaches Caleb Dark Star.

Reccer says: This is full of the wizards leaning into their darker sides and the temptations that it offers. Incredible tension throughout as Essek tests Caleb's concentration in a hands-on way.

Tundra by KmacKatie (4791,Explicit) Warnings: none

Caleb and Essek are caught in a blizzard and have to find some way to keep warm

Reccer says: Nothing

My Life and Its Work in Exchange For Yours by Alipopsie (3234,Teen) Warnings: Major Character Death (temporary)

The Mighty Nein TPK and Essek spends years trying to get them back.

Reccer says: Nothing

proof by contradiction by Chrome (19620,Teen) Warnings: Psychic violence (not depicted but discussed)

Essek is captured by the Cerberus Assembly, Beau asked Dairon to help get him out.

Reccer says: It is beautifully written and super interesting, especially from Dairon's point of view

Unbinding by hanap (20605,Teen) Warnings: None

Incredible coming of age fic featuring Essek, pre- and post-M9.

Reccer says: So much great Dynasty lore in this fic, especially around the tradition of wearing braids!

It used to be if you don't like it you could leave by thought (24252,Teen) Warnings: none!

In which the humans do a politics, the Xhorhasians learn about potato's, and everyone decides five hundred years of living in disguise and on the run isn't actually a great life plan, Essek.

Reccer says: I love the homeliness of Essek and Yasha's lives as Rexxentrum housewives and the wizards' dumb pining. This is a very comforting read!

Aeor is for Lovers is an 18+ Shadowgast Discord server. The above fanfic recommendations were pulled from our community for this weekly event. All fics, unless otherwise specified, will primarily feature Shadowgast. And hey! Don't forget to leave comments and kudos for the lovely authors! Have any questions about what this is? Check out the FAQ! Next week’s theme is: Over 100,000 words!

[xydamcg]

Newest member 5

Ghost x f character!

Cw: trauma trigger, daddy's home, teasing, stupidity with a weapon, nicknames?

Summary: Avery gets stuck training recruits and one of them just so happens to piss her off.

Pt 1 Pt 2 Pt 3 Pt 4

Her day started off rough immediately, waking up with the worst kink in her neck and Ghost no where to be found. She quickly collected her things from the floor as she made his bed and snuck across the hall to her room, nearly damaging her shoulder again in the process. Stupid door. Thank the heavens she got up when she did because when she checked her email, she saw a email from Price about him having her cover as drill sergeant because the original one was under the weather. She checked the time before shooting out of her chair and scrambling around the room looking for something to wear.

Jumping into a pair of cargo pants, not bothering to change the shirt ghost let her borrow she wiggled into a pair of socks and then her boots. She snatched her jacket off the hook as she left the room, she was half out the room when she noticed she didn’t have a hair tie to keep her hair out of her face. “Shit.” She cursed as she turned to enter the room only to bash into the door that now refused to open. “Stupid fucking door!” She snapped checking her watch—she didn’t have time! Groaning she zipped up her jacket and sprinted out the barracks and across half the base to the training fields.

Each person she ran past looked at her like she had lost her mind, it wasn’t her fault she had somewhere important to be. She was wheezing as she got to the training field finding Ghost leading a drill, Soap not too far down the field. She quickly sucked in a deep breath as she tried to calm her pounding heart, she knew her face was probably flushed from the cool wind. Ty straightened her jacket making sure her name tag was presentable as she headed into the field. She patted Soap on the shoulder as she passed, making her way to Ghost.

“They have you on drill sergeant duty too?” She asked as she came next to him. “No, I’m covering for you.” He spoke his eyes following the line of recruits doing push up’s. “I’m not that late..am I?” She asked checking her watch before looking up at him. “24:00, watch is wrong.” He said making her look down at it, her face twisted in concern as she began to push buttons to get it calibrated correctly again. “There’s no way..” she whispered brushing her hair behind her ear as she struggled to fix the time. “Take over, give me the watch.” He said, quickly removing the watch she handed it to him. Soap coming to join the pair as it appeared the warmup’s had ended. “What’s the plan double T?” Soap asked as Ty looked over at him. “Double T?” She asked confused making Soap smirk slightly. “Yeah I call Ghost Lt..and you’re second lieutenant and your name begins with a T so double T.” Soap explained causing Ty to stifle a laugh, Ghost didn’t seem to like it as he rolled his eyes. “Fuckin’ aye johnny.” He grumbled as he began to head off the field her watch in his hand. “It’s that bad?” Soap asked causing Ty to ignore him as she placed her hands around her mouth. “Attention recruits!”

All eyes flew in her direction, even Soap’s. Who knew she could holler like that? Such a small woman held all that voice. Ty was 5’9, a small little thing compared to most of the men on base who were around 6’ and higher, all she knew was that she wanted to be tall like them one day. “Grab your weapons because we’re headed to the range! You better have those safety’s on and those barrels pointed to the sky! March!” She screamed pointing down hill to the gun range. “Alright mates you heard the lieutenant move your asses!” Soap followed up leading the group down hill. Ty couldn’t help but smile as Soap marched with them. Falling in step she guided them to the range, making them pair up in twos so they could switch out shooters when the time came.

“Hey double T.” Soap called as he jogged up to her from across the pavilion. “What’s up J?” She asked pushing her hair from her face, this was why she always had it up because she got tired of having to keep brushing it from her face. “How was last night?” He asked shoving his hands in his pockets as the wind blew under the pavilion. It was getting colder as Christmas drew closer, she was dreading the snow. She hated being cold. “What do you mean last night? The mission?” She asked her eyes scanning the recruits down the line before starting again. Recruits sometimes didn’t use their brains and you have to keep a close eye on them. “No I mean..with Ghost.” He whispered leaning closer like she wouldn’t of heard him if he was any quieter. Her eyes flew from the recruits to Soap, was he being funny? “Mctavish, I hope you’re messing with me.” She growled as she stepped toward him but over his shoulder she noticed a recruit waving his rifle around, pretending to shoot invisible enemies. Something in her mind clicked and she found herself shoving Soap out of the way as she stormed toward the recruit.

“Hey! Solider have you lost your god damn mind?!” She yelled snatching the rifle from him. He seemed shocked at her sudden approach, her eyes trailed the rifle before stopping on the safety. It wasn’t on. “N-no lieutenant.” He stuttered stupidly. “No, what Solider!” She asked angrily. “No I haven’t lost my mind.” He squeaked, he had he surely had lost it. “Yes you have you idiot! Your safety is off and you’re waving your weapon around like it’s a toy! Do you wanna be the reason one of your comrades is in the infirmary?! I don't think you do! Now drop and give me 100 push ups, you got four minutes! I better not see you so much as break pace or I'll smoke you from here to deployment!" She continued, the soldier immediately dropping to the ground to bust out those push ups. The interaction had caught the attention of everyone under the pavilion even Ghost who was just making an appearance again. "You keep track of the time and you make sure he doesn't break pace , let me know if he does." She instructed two other recruits nearby.

Finally turning back toward Soap and now Ghost, she shook her head. "He doesn't get any firearm privileges until i speak to Price, Laswell and his original drill sergeant." She instructed Ghost and Soap while putting the rifle's safety on. "Yes ma'am." Soap confirmed before heading out to switch shooters. Her eyes moved up to Ghost nodded in affirmation. "Whatever you say ma'am." She couldn't tell because of that wretched mask but Ghost appeared to be smirking? "Lieutenant Avery.." A familiar called out to her. "Speaking Sir." She announced as she went in a swift parade rest, her eyes nearly fell out of her head as she saw the last person she ever wanted to see.

"Dad?" She asked weakly, it felt like the ground was shaking under her feet as her knees felt like giving out. "That's Captain or Sir to you Lieutenant." He corrected as he smiled at her, the world was beginning to spin. "Sorry sir." She reassured as she noticed him coming closer, her body stiffened immediately as he wrapped her tight in his arms. Ghost was one of the few to notice besides, Soap and her own father. She hesitantly patted his back, why was he here? "What are you doing here?" she asked laughing nervously, checking her surroundings quickly. Price stood a few feet away, hands tucked behind his back. She looked at him quizzically and found him shrugging and shaking his head in return. "Can't a father see his daughter? I wanted to see how the new base was treating ya after you disappeared off the grid.." He chuckled but she knew what he meant by his words and unfortunately now Ghost did too. How did he find her?

Ty looked toward Ghost their eyes locking for a moment before her father focused his attention on an incoming Soap. "As i live and breath Captain Richard Avery." Soap swooned sticking his hand out to take her Father's. "Ha yes that's me, and who may you be son?" He inquired, taking his hand. Ty quickly moved, the rifle she had been clutching to death now on her back as she slung it over her head. "Captain this is sergeant Johnny Mctavish.." She piped in, hating that she would actually be introducing him to Soap. She never wanted them to ever meet him in person but here they were. Here they are.

"And who are you big boy?" Richard mused as his gaze shifted to Ghost, Ty stepped even closer trying to get back the focus of attention. "This is-" Ty started again only to be shushed by her Dad. "He's a big fella, he can open his mouth and speak can't he?" Richard poked, her heart was racing--she felt like she was going to implode. Ghost's eyes flickered from Richard to Ty, she subtly shook her head wanting him not to do anything out of line. "Simon Riley captain, but you can call me Ghost, sir." He stated ignoring her father's hand that was held out to him. This wasn't real. "Ghost? i made a few of those in my time." Richard joked, she was going to die.

----------

Tag list: @ellouisa17 @hypernovaxx

[achocolatemouse]

Fur Art Scammers and YOU

Hello fellow furs! I'm Mouse, I'm an artist who's passionate and knowledgeable about navigating the current digital art scene. I wanted to make a FUR ART SCAMMERS AND YOU post with a few details about the modern commission scene and how to keep yourself safe. I feel like it's never a bad time to reiterate and practice good online safety. A lot of this applies to both art and fursuit parts. I hope the people who read it find it useful!

First thing is how to use google lens. Simply go to google and click on the camera icon next to the search to open google lens. Click on exact matches or find image source to find links to the image. Google lens is your first line of defense against a scam. Any image that's a "sample" image from an artist can be fed into google lens and look for the results. When you feed one of my images in, it shows up with my DA, FA and YCH.art profiles amongst others. They all share similar usernames. If you fed another sample in you'd see that it shows up in the same profiles. Check profile pictures too if they're art. If, for example, one sample is from a FA, another is from a different FA and a profile pic is from an obscure twitter they're probably stolen. You can double check by PMing any of those source accounts to see if they are associated with the account you're in communication with.

What do you do if there are no results for ANY of their samples? That's ALSO a red flag. An artist should have a consistently hosted gallery. Most real artists who are serious about it try to promote themselves on as many places as possible to broaden their audience and commission pool, so why isn't this one? The "samples" could be AI, stolen from obscure sources, or drawovers of other peoples work. (A small note about why a public gallery hosted on multiple websites is SO important. Scammers show up in overwhelming numbers. Think of how many nigerian prince/genital enlargement emails you get. Currently most groups cannot keep up with the flood of them and tactics change regularly. What does not change is that when someone finally figures it out and the jig is up the account gets banned, and sometimes ip banned, bewares go out, which causes the scammer rebranding problems. So to preserve their accounts they will try to host on as few places as possible because when you are a scammer having fewer people see your work means fewer people to find you out and fewer moderation teams investigating and monitoring you. As a legitimate artist, hosting in lots of places means more eyes who want to buy your art on your account and won't report you for scamming, because you're not. This is why having a big gallery hosted in multiple places is such a strong and important dichotomy.)

The second is how are they contacting you. You should be contacting the artist not them reaching out to you unless you post publicly, and then they should be replying publicly not DMing unless you dm first. Generally a legitimate artist will not randomly DM you. If someone randomly DMs you they are probably a scammer and most groups ask you to report and remove them. They will also use odd language; "I will make your furry dreams come true/bring them to life/make them real!" "Hi I notice you are in the furry fandom how long have you liked furry characters? I want to make friends, can I ask you a few questions about your fur fandom characters?" "Do you have any art of your fursona?" "Do you happen to be a furry lover" "Do you play vr chat game?", etc. They may also use tags in weird ways such as using a tag like #furry in a private furry group. It follows some scripts/chatgpt like responses, so take care.

If you still want to order from someone who has red flags, consider asking for past clients to contact, speedpaint videos, or pictures of one of the samples (your pick) with layers visible. A reliable artist should have these things going back a few years or can produce one they posted before. They should be able to pull from any of the samples they send to you and send you layered versions of the image to prove they made it. It should show not only the layers in the program but what the picture looks like with some of them turned off so that you can see if they make any sense, as opposed to just someone taking a picture and making a bunch of fake layers. Lots of scammers fake these things too so don't rely only on them. Fake speedpaints, fake photos of workspaces, and shell accounts pretending to be past clients are real. When receiving your image the artist should be able to send you WIPs as well, make it clear you expect these so you can ask for changes.

Just say no to anyone who wants to use a sketchier payment form like wiring them money, checks, Paypal friends and family, etc. Just say no to anyone who asks you to send them any money before they send you money. If you say no to them "sorry I'm broke, not sure when I wanna order" they should take no for an answer immediately or they might be a scammer. Ask for a turn around time on your picture that happens BEFORE you can no longer issue a backpay or request a refund through your payment service.

Most scammers just try to take your money and run but some of them send you either a bad drawover of someone else's work, or an AI image. There's whole articles about how to spot these things so I won't go into it, a lot of it is vibes and asking to see layers on their work/WIP images helps prevent these things. If you receive one of these things it's important to know that you *likely did not receive an image you own or have rights to*. This is especially true in the USA where only human generated content may be copywritten or owned (see images). Bad drawovers will have the same problem - the person who owns the image rights is the person whose works were traced. For drawovers of AI, they're copying a public domain work and so the copyright is public domain. Given that what you paid for was a custom created work that you can post online and own, you probably still got scammed even if you received something.

-Help! I've been scammed! What now!?-

Depends on how badly you got scammed. You can request a refund through your payment facilitator or bank to recoup the costs if you used a safer payment method. You can issue a beware, through groups like artistbeware or big facebook art groups, etc. But if it is a straight up scammer with a fake profile and stolen/ai/drawover art, they will not care because they're not trying to keep their profiles or a good reputation. They will get banned and make a new one. At that point your best choice is to report their profile to the facilitating company (fb, discord, tumblr, x, etc. as a scam/fraud/phishing profile) and get them removed from your circles/groups through local admins. A beware only matters for artists with a name to protect, your best solution is to block, report, and move on.

A couple of other small notes about misc conduct;

*Ownership of copywritten works is tricky, especially if one person made a design but another person drew an image of that design. If you commission a work you typically own the character you designed/own, but you DON'T own exclusive rights to the image. The rights belong to the artist too unless otherwise stated. A good artist will have a ToS/contract that details what your rights are and what the artists rights are to avoid conflict. Common terms may be the artist can share the work in galleries/self promotion, the commissioner does not own commercial rights, or you can't use the image to support hate groups.

*In some states it's becoming SUPER illegal to even accidentally present 18+ content to a minor. (see; the e621 issue) If you are ordering/asking to access NSFW, it's becoming more normal for artists to ask to age check people to cover their butts. It's standard procedure on a lot of big discords to access 18/21+ channels now a days. Most places encourage you to treat it like an ID check at a bar or a con, we just want to know you're 18+.

*NSFW art production is SW. Respect your artists boundaries and consider being willing to pay extra for it since it comes with certain risks regular art does not.

*Artists can get scammed too, and sometimes will do a whole commission and then never get paid. Having been/seen folks get burned plenty will not start drawing until the work is paid in full or half is put down as a deposit. This is pretty normal. Better to use other methods than asking to pay at the end of work to avoid getting scammed.

*New artists might not have past clients but should still have a full gallery and at least art trades under their belt. Labor for labor matters too.

*Excessively low prices matter and are often cited as a red flag, and not entirely unjustly so. A decent fullbody picture typically takes an artist a couple hours at least, and they have to pay to keep lights on and account for time spent communicating. It varies based on country and state but if you're paying $12 for a fullbody they have to live in a country with a very low cost of living for that to be worthwhile. But if they're just taking your money and run, it doesn't matter much. Ordering discount art CAN be fine (maybe they do live in a low COL nation), but MAY be a red flag. Also debating prices is not OK. The artist has a reason to ask those prices based on how much time it takes them to do their work and what they need to live. This is true for fursuit parts too. Art is a gig economy profession. Many people argue against paying artists a living wage per hour for various reasons but it's pretty simple; if you pay $20-50/hour for private tutoring, dog walking, babysitting, house cleaning, DJing, etc. your artist is deserving of those wages too. This helps keep skilled, local, furry artists working in the scene and keeps the community healthy.

I hope this information helps people avoid scams now and in the future. Scammers are always changing their systems. We all know not the fall for a Nigerian prince scam, but there's other, better scams these days. So be savvy, ask questions, and stay safe out there furs!

[hazy-hazel-fics]

My fanfic writing process!!! yippee!!!

Step 1: getting my idea. First off, I need the very basic idea of what I want to write. Sometimes it's just a vibe. What fandom am I writing for? What characters are involved? Is it a crackfic or angsty as hell? Is romance involved? Are they in a different setting than canon?

Step 2: planning. I don't like this one a whole lot, mostly because I never know if I'm doing it right. However, the way I do it is I basically come up with a few basic plot points and decide the order that they should happen in. I also try to keep it appropriate to the setting and especially the characters. Sometimes I kinda skip this part, which in hindsight, never turns out good. The part I like most about this is that it's usually where I design my characters! I like drawing, so getting to sketch out how my characters look so that I can describe them or draw them better is nice.

(there's 4 more steps and explanations below the cut! it's just there so that it's shorter if anyone's scrolling)

Step 3: writing. I try to split my base writing into chunks. First, I start everything on paper! I write down a chapter 1, and try to extend it to part of the second chapter as my first section. I then make my next section finishing the second chapter and starting the third, and so on. As my first draft, it usually has a lot of placeholders where I just say [thing that he grabs the hairbrush out of] or something along those lines, and I don't care too much about my writing seeming bland.

Step 4: editing. As I just mentioned, I tend to section things out, albeit loosely. This part is where I grab a red pen and start to fill in the placeholders and fix any grammatical errors. I also tend to replace words and sentences and make them better, at least in my eyes. I do this by section about twice, meaning that I finish writing my first section, and then later on I do the first corrections, and then the next day or after a nap I do the second corrections. Once I'm done, I start writing the next section, and then I edit that, and the cycle repeats!

Step 5: importing. The next step is to import it somewhere that I can check my word count, edit it, and format it right. I usually use Google Docs because it's easiest. First, to avoid that weird double spacing with AO3 when copy pasting, I make it so that it's single and has a space after each paragraph, which shows me how it'd look in AO3 (image below).

I import it from paper by just manually typing everything out besides the fact that things were corrected. The next day or just a few hours later, I go into suggesting mode (another image below) which basically means that any edits I make will not be permanent, and I can come back later and decide whether or not I want to use the edits. I do this and re-read until I think that my story is silly enough.

Final/6th step: PUBLISHING!!!! Yep, this is the last step, and probably the most nerve-wracking for me. I open up AO3, make a new work, and then I have to decide the tags (probably the hardest part for me; feels like there's too many to chose from or there isn't something as oddly specific as I need it to be), decide the ratings, write notes for the first chapter... and write a summary. I don't like writing summaries, but I try to keep it short and sweet, and I try not to spoil too much. Maybe 1-3 sentences, and then an author's note that's usually the same length or shorter. I re-read everything I've written, make minor changes, add or remove tags that don't seem necessary, usually mention that tags will be removed and added as necessary... Then, my cursor hovers over the button to publish it... and I haven't gotten past that yet! At some point, though, I'll actually publish a fic rather than letting it sit in google docs and in the drafts until deletion.

So sorry for the very long tutorial! I hope you have a nice day :)

[eviswriting]

Fandom: Harry Potter (pre-Golden Trio Era) Ship/Character(s): Genfic, Ginny Weasley & Ron Weasley Tags & Such (Tropes, etc): Fluff, character study/development, short oneshot? Main Idea: They don't get chocolate frogs often, but when they do, Ron and Ginny Weasley, the youngest, rush to check what card they have. Vibe: fluffy, excited, childlike Extra Notes: Really just a cute, short fic between ginny and ron and their relationship pre-sorcerer's stone!

thank you :)

word count: 1.4k Characters: Ronald "Ron" Weasley and Ginerva "Ginny" Weasley Fandom: Harry Potter

notes: I called this "Chocolate Frogs", I hope that's okay! I love this idea! Not sure if it's clear, but it happens when Ron is 10 and Ginny is 9. Thank you for being the first person to request <3 it should be up on A03 either today or tomorrow!

THEY DON’T GET CHOCOLATE FROGS MUCH ANYMORE.

They never did, to begin with, surviving on their dad’s meagre salary, but lately, they’ve been getting them less and less. This doesn’t mean Ron doesn’t like them — love them, in fact. Their mum’s call always, “Ron! Ginerva! I have a surprise for you!” always gets the kids running. It’s tradition, at this point — Ginny’s insistence that her name is ‘Ginny’, never ‘Ginerva,’ Ron’s detective smell of each box, and their “three, two, one, card!” upon opening the frogs’ boxes. 

It’s been so long — a year, in fact. Ginny, barely eight, still cannot really fathom the lack of money they have. Ron sort-of understands. And this morning feels just like any other. The birds chirp as he wakes up, pleasant calls, and just like every other morning, Ron remembers his great-great-aunt Muriel’s tale of the birds calling for their lording phoenix. They wish, he thinks bitterly as he, not wanting to be caught in the red flame of his mum’s ire, changes out of his pyjamas and into ratty, passed-down clothing. The only thing that marks it as his is the faded strip of paper with just the bare markings of the word ‘RON’ in nearly-whitened ink. It was rich in colour, black, once. 

But like everything he owns, it’s not in prime condition. He’s just in the process of pulling on a pair of maroon socks (yes, he does hate the colour maroon, and yes, he will be wearing the socks) when his mum’s voice filters through the door. “It’s time for breakfast, dears!” has never sounded as frightening as it has in the past two years. As money grew tighter and tighter (Ginny kept growing and they didn’t have much clothes to fit her), breakfast meant chores afterwards, so their mother could focus on the bit of ‘freelancing’ she did — an odd sewing project here, a knitted sweater-and-bonnet set for a next-door neighbour. 

Langly legs leading him down the stairs, he joins the mob of red that heads to the kitchen. The Burrow, their home, is held up only by magic. How else would the additional rooms protruding from the original structure stay up? 

“Hi,” he says to his brothers, George and Fred, though they wink at him before returning to their hushed murmurings. Twins and devious, Fred and George would be heading for their second year at Hogwarts (the brilliant wizarding school in Scotland) on September 1st. 

Sometimes, Ron feels excluded from his family. His eldest siblings, Bill and Charlie, have each other, Percy’s the most studious out of all of them and is always contemptuous about remaining with his books, and Fred and George have each other. So Ron sticks by himself or Ginny, his younger sister. It’s a bit embarrassing for his best friend to be his younger sister, but he does it. 

“Hey, buddy!” As Ron perches precariously on one of the stools, Charlie — who was apparently already downstairs — reaches over to mess his hair. Ron smiles cheerfully, loading oatmeal, sugar, and cream into his bowl. 

After breakfast, they receive chore lists. Ron sighs in relief when he realises he just has to clean out the chicken coops, remove the hens’ eggs, and make sure no gnomes are hiding in the area. It seems that Ginny isn’t as lucky, as she gives a very dramatic sigh and pouts at Mum. Luckily, Mum isn’t facing her, so she isn’t swayed by her only daughter’s child emotions. 

With a kiss on each child’s cheek, Molly Weasley watches her kids leave the room to complete their chores. Smiling softly, she starts preparing a casserole she needs to make for the Lovegoods. 

Ron rushes out to the yard and towards the coops quickly, so none of his siblings can rope him into helping with their chores. He completes his tasks quickly yet efficiently; when he comes back to the Burrow to give his mum the filled egg basket, Ginny is huffing about only being on her second task — the second out of five. Sucks for her, he thinks, grabbing one of their mum’s concoctions that is supposed to help in warding off gnomes. 

He completes that task quickly, and after he carefully replaces the foul-smelling potion, he contemplates his options for a second. He can either go back to Mum and get a new list or go upstairs to his room. Instincts win out and he carefully creeps up the stairs. He’s about to pump his hands and whisper ‘yes!’ when his toes push into a hard stair. The creaking stair, and the bane of Fred and George. Shoot. The squeak is loud, and Ron pauses, not breathing. What fib can he come up with if Mum comes to check? 

Thankfully, his mum doesn’t move from the kitchen and Ron, a bit more careful, tip-toes to his room, shutting the door softly behind him. “Success!” he laughs as he falls onto his mattress, letting it wrap him. Ron stays there for a while, staring at the ceiling until his eyelids flutter close once, twice, thrice, before settling into a light sleep. 

Three hours later, he’s awoken by a call of, “Ron! Ginny!” He doesn’t move, and Mum calls the iconic “Ron! Ginny! I have a surprise for you!” Ron is up in an instant. It doesn’t matter that the small flame in his heart is re-awoken with hope, the smallest part that hopes reverently that it’s a chocolate frog. 

He’s already downstairs, standing at the table, white knuckles clutching the back of a chair, when Ginny finally makes it down. The nine-year-old has an adorable pout on her face, and Molly softens at the sight of it. 

Molly beams at her children. She loves them, through anything. Anything. Even though they don’t have much money, she makes due with what she can. She tries to give them all they’d ever want. And she knows it's not ideal, but she works with what she has. Clearing her throat, misty-eyed, she says, “I have a surprise for you.” Ron’s grip on the chair grows tighter, and Molly smiles even wider. She knows that her youngest son is probably aware, and trying to repress his hopes — and it hurts her so much, like a million thorns sticking themselves into her heart, that he can’t wish for some simple chocolate. She’s tried before to recreate the iconic frogs, but they never turn out as well as the original. 

“What is it?” Ginny asks with the pretence of boredom, but Molly sees her only daughter’s confusion and faint hope. It hurts. 

“Well…” Molly trails off, removing her hands from behind her back. Two chocolate frog boxes are held tightly in her hands. It’s why she baked the casserole and knitted Pandora Lovegood and her daughter Luna matching cardigans for the grand sum of fifteen galleons. (Not that the chocolate frogs cost so much — only a galleon together; the rest of the money, fourteen galleons, would go to Ron and Ginny’s Hogwarts funds.) 

Ron’s face lights up with pure, child joy that makes it all worth it. So does Ginny’s, though she tries to hide it. “Thank you!” they both squeal (though they’d both deny that), and each grab one. Together, with a, “Three, two, one, open!” from Ron, they tear through the packaging, carefully putting the box to the side, and pulling out the card. 

“Cool!” yells Ginny, brandishing her new, first-ever Jocunda Sykes card. 

Ron, grinning, says, “I got bloody Devlin Whitehorn! First one!” 

It has been a while since Molly has seen her youngest two so joyful. It always makes all of the extra work worth it — plus, she’d be doing that work anyway, trying to maintain a cosy home. They both repeat extravagant thank you’s, and Molly can’t help but chuckle. Such simple, childish behaviour that would disappear in a few years as they went to Hogwarts and learned more responsibility. 

Ron is first, but then Ginny joins. Soon, all three of them are hugging, holding on to each other tightly. Molly feels like never letting go. She loves her family so, so much; she does, like Arthur, everything she can for them. This? This is family. 

Family means sticking to each other through thick and thin. 

It means never, ever giving up in difficult situations. 

That you should always keep pushing to be a better, healthier version of yourself. 

Family is such a precious thing.

have a great day/night! :)

[samstree]

Just a Little Pretense

Jaskier and Geralt stage a fake breakup. Someone’s feelings get hurt for real.

The reverse trope series: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

AO3

“… It would be to take you off my hands!”

Geralt’s voice echoes in the ballroom, between the tall walls and the high ceiling. Everyone on the dance floor has fallen into silence. Even the band has stopped playing, their lead singer gaping with round eyes.

Jaskier blinks, impressed.

All the eyes are on the two of them. Jaskier’s back prickles with the gazes. As the fight escalated, more and more guests have stopped dancing just to eavesdrop on the witcher and the bard, the most peculiar couple in the room.

Which is just perfect. The more people witnessing their breakup, the more awkward it will be afterward, and the easier it will be to get out of this tedious party. And here Jaskier is, regretting ever having doubted his dear witcher’s ability to perform.

Who would have thought Geralt is a method actor? Drawing inspiration from a past argument is ingenious.

His old acting professor back in Oxenfurt would approve of this. The show is going swimmingly and he is pumped with adrenaline—maybe he should go back on stage one day, do a play or two.

But alas, he can muse the idea later. The show must go on.

“Really? Just like that?” Jaskier croaks, seemingly on the verge of crying. He’s not so bad himself, classically trained and everything. “Thirty years, Geralt. I followed you for thirty years, and just like that, you will kick me out of your life? Did I ever—” he breaks off with a whimper. “Did I ever mean anything to you? Or were you ready to cast me aside this whole time?”

A tear rolls down. His lips wobble. The crowd erupts in hushed murmurs and sympathetic sighs. The set-up, the build, everything has been perfect. Now the only thing left is for Geralt to break things off, and the two of them can ride into the metaphorical sunset and never see this court again.

Jaskier waits in anticipation, but his witcher opens his mouth.

And closes it.

Geralt looks as upset as he should, angry and torn and equally shocked, his golden eyes wide and his jaw clenched tight. It’s a nice picture to paint for the audience. They are supposedly having the biggest fight in their lives and his body language is very convincing.

More than convincing.

Except, it just might be … too convincing.

Wait—

Jaskier focuses on Geralt, who looks as if he wants to shrink into himself, his shoulders slumped and arms drawn in. He looks as if he’s waiting to be struck. Wait, something’s not right.

“I can’t do this.” A whisper leaves Geralt’s lips, small and achingly sad.

It’s not the line he’s supposed to say.

Geralt’s eyebrows droop ever so slightly, and there’s a flash of distress behind the molten gold. It’s gone in a second, hidden behind a façade of indifference.

The tells are subtle, near imperceivable to the untrained eye, but to Jaskier, they are clear as day—Geralt is hurt. For real.

Oh.

Fuck.

“Geralt,” Jaskier tries, instantly snapped out of his character.

And yet, there’s no reply. Geralt lowers his head, turns around, and flees the scene within one heartbeat and the next. The crowd is too eager to make way for him.

“Shit,” Jaskier curses, ready to chase after Geralt, but the Countess de Stael appears out of nowhere with a flock of maids and positively blocks him in all directions. She’s eager to lament the loss of love and companionship, and to offer Jaskier a place at her court once again. Oh, shit.

Jaskier brushes her off, all the while painfully remembering he and Geralt’s goal from the beginning—to use the breakup as an excuse to get out of this place.

Well, the plan is shit. Is it too late to notice?

Weaving through dozens of nobles is a lot more difficult when they all want to extend sympathy, and Jaskier is only placating them absent-mindedly, faking regret and heartbreak. His mind is full of his witcher, who is either brooding or spiraling over the venom he spewed earlier.

The truth is, Jaskier has long forgotten about the mountain—not because it didn’t hurt. To be shunned by Geralt, blamed for everything, and denied friendship, was the worst thing to have happened to him at the time. It’s just that Jaskier has forgiven it, so long ago and so completely.

Jaskier cannot get to their room fast enough, and when he pushes open the door, the sight of Geralt’s dejected face is a stab through the chest. The witcher is perched on the bed, somehow looking a lot smaller than he is.

Jaskier never should have come up with the stupid fake breakup thing, never should have inadvertently reopened the old wound. They healed, together. They shouldn’t be hurting anymore.

“I explained. We can leave now,” Jaskier tires, but in fairness, he doesn’t remember what he said to the Countess. “Geralt?”

The witcher himself crosses his arms, hugging his midriff and avoiding Jaskier’s gaze. “Good,” he answers curtly, shoulders still tense.

He looks angry, and when Geralt is angry, it’s most likely with himself. Oh, whatever heartbreak Jaskier acted out earlier, it’s not a match to a fraction of what he’s feeling now. It must be the one millionth time Geralt’s self-loathing has broken Jaskier’s heart, and it never gets easier, not when Jaskier caused it himself.

“Hey.” Jaskier desperately wants to wrap his arms around Geralt. So he does. He sits down on the bed and pulls his witcher into the biggest bear hug, which is returned immediately and so very tightly. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m sorry. I fucked up, Geralt. I’m—”

“Don’t be.” Geralt buries his nose into Jaskier’s neck and shakes his head. “I never should have said those things, Jask. I should be the one apologizing. It was wrong and untrue and I would never abandon you. You are my best friend. How can I ever? Please, believe me…”

Geralt trails off, his hands rubbing circles into Jaskier’s back. Although it’s unclear who he’s trying to soothe.

“I know. It’s okay. I know,” Jaskier murmurs, over and over again, sealing each reassurance with a kiss pressed into silver hair.

“I never meant it, Jask.”

“I know. It was fake. We were pretending.”

Geralt pulls away, golden eyes dead serious, pausing between every word. “I never meant it.”

Jaskier meets his gaze unwaveringly, with not an ounce of doubt. “I know.”

They stay there for a while, just holding each other. Geralt keeps sniffing Jaskier’s scent the same way he always does to check for injury or distress. He thinks he’s subtle, the sweet man, so Jaskier never mentions it.

Despite what an outsider might assume, Geralt is the sensitive one between the two. He’s so careful when it comes to their relationship, especially after the mountain and sometimes to his own detriment.

He’s so scared of hurting Jaskier again.

“I was an idiot for suggesting it,” Jaskier breaks the silence, nudging Geralt in the knee.

Geralt hums, lips pursed.

“Fake breakup is a terrible idea. Next time we’ll just grit our teeth and sit through the month-long party.”

Still, no smile.

“Alright, you win. Next time I won’t take you to a month-long party to start with.” Jaskier gently pats Geralt on the cheek. “For your delicate sensibilities, darling.”

Finally, finally, Geralt’s lips turn upwards, just a smidge.

“You are an idiot,” Geralt says, the crease between his brows fading. “Just…don’t make me make you cry again.”

Melting into the warmth welling up between his ribcage, Jaskier leans forward and presses a tiny kiss at his witcher’s forehead, so softly as if he’d break with any more force.

“Yes, dear.”

Being careless with Geralt’s heart is a mistake that Jaskier never wants to repeat. As he put a hand over his witcher’s languid heartbeat, Jaskier feels the soft thrumming against his palm, and realizes just how terribly he needs to guard it with the same care too. Against his frivolous self, and against the past that never seems to stop haunting them.

Because Jaskier needs this thing between them to work. If a faked breakup already seems unbearable, he shudders to imagine a real one.

A witcher’s life is already riddled with pain and sadness and could-have-beens. A poet would hate it if he added himself to the list.

---

Tagging: @wanderlust-t @rockysstupidity @flowercrown-bard @alllthequeenshorses @mothmanismyuncle @percy-jackson-is-sexy- @constantlytiredpigeon @behonesthowsmysinging @kitcatkim3 @endless-whump @rey-a-nonbinary-bisexual @llamasdumpsterfire @dapandapod @kuripon

Please feel free to tell me if you want to be removed or added to the list <3

[ekaterinatepes]

Nothing but the Best

Author’s notes: hello, and thank you so much for all your reblogs, likes and comments. I absolutely adore reading all your reviews. Thank you for taking a minute to comment. It motivates me to write and have a better understanding of how you see the characters and story development. Please know the tag lists are still open! Let me know if you would like to be added!

XI.

Suguru woke up around 6am. He figured you would be already out for your morning run and coming back soon for a shower and breakfast.

After making his bed and taking a shower himself, Suguru put on a pair of grey sweat pants and a black fitted t-shirt. His sleeve of tattoos partially exposed, his right arm covered in carefully designed Chinese, Japanese symbols, Nordic runes and dragons. Aside from the pleasant although chaotic aesthetic, the art work etched on his skin served as a form of seal or an amulet. Something to keep the darkness within in check.

He decided something simple was in order, knowing you, there wasn’t much that he could get away with making and expecting you to eat with your rigorous diet requirements. Scrambled egg whites with some parsley, cherry tomatoes, salt and pepper. For a drink he prepared a blend of that green juice you liked: with green apples, pineapple and celery.

The raven haired sorcerer set everything on the table and looked at his phone. I was 6:45am. You were already late. You usually were back home by 6:30am. Maybe you went out later and decided to extend your run. It was your free day after all.

Although… you usually made sure Suguru knew so he wouldn’t worry.

Grabbing his phone he texted you

***From: Sugu

To: Kitten 🐱

Breakfast is ready!***

Immediately he heard your phone go off in your room. Now, that was weird. You always took your phone with you to listen to music while working out. Did you perhaps sleep in?

Knocking at your door Suguru called “hey doll face! Are you awake?” No answer came back from the inside. He could not hear the shower running either. “Hey! I’m coming in” he announced but when he opened the door he found your room empty, your bed was still made and cold. Your phone on the night stand along with your apartment keys.

Fear coursed through his veins when he tried to check for your energy trail and found it long gone. You have been gone since last night.

“Fuck!” One didn’t need to be a genius to know Satoru had something to do with your disappearance.

Putting on his shoes he ran out the door. He had to find you before something bad happened. Gojo had not been in a good state of mind back in Japan, he didn’t even want to imagine what was going on in his head now that he had you so close. So stupid! Suguru should have kept a close eye on you instead of trusting that just because you were in the same apartment you would be safe from Satoru.

-

Your mouth was dry, your body overheated and sore. The sun hitting your face made you groan softly, you tried to turn around and continue sleeping but you couldn’t. Your body was trapped by heavy and strong limbs wrapped around you.

One pale and strong arm around your waist, the other supporting your head. Legs intertwined with Satoru’s. The platinum haired man laid behind you spooning you. He had you on a death grip.

Panic.

Last night came rushing altogether, with the frenzied memories of the passionate sexual encounter you and Satoru shared. And of course that had not been it, in the middle of the night he woke you up with tender kisses on your thighs and his head between your legs, setting aflame your senses over and over again; he wanted to have you once more. Second round lead to third and soon the sun was rising by the time your sweaty and exhausted bodies curled together to fall asleep in each other’s arms.

You moved as softly as possible, trying not to wake up the sleeping sorcerer who snored slightly on your ear. Removing his arm from your middle section was first, then you proceeded to try and detangle your legs from his.He groaned and you stopped moving, looking behind you Satoru merely adjusted in his sleep and continued snoring lightly, allowing you enough time to leave the bed. Your clothes laid destroyed and scattered all over the floor.

Swallowing thickly you decided to grab a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt out of Satoru’s closet. You had to get out of there. NOW!

Barefooted you left the suite and walked down the main hall hurriedly receiving weird stares from the people you crossed on your way out. Taking the elevator down your hands trembled. ‘Come on! Come on! Faster!’ mentally hurrying the elevator until you reached the lobby. As soon as that door opened you sprinted towards the main entrance where the hotel taxis lined up. You got in one and gave him your address.

The drive wasn’t long, when you made it home you told the cab to charge the ride to Gojo Satoru’s room. You didn’t have anything on you to pay. The kind looking old cab driver agreed and left.

You were about to walk in when Suguru came rushing out with a frantic look in his eyes. The moment he saw you his stomach tightened, you were dressed in Satoru’s clothes, barefooted, with your h/c hair disheveled and all the marks that covered your neck, visible through the collar of the shirt you wore. Your e/c eyes looked at him, rimmed with tears when you ran into his arms. Geto held you tightly for a moment giving you the solace you needed.

“Come on y/n… let’s go inside” he whispered on your ear guiding you back into the building and towards the elevator.

As soon as you made it up to your apartment you broke down. Suguru had to pick you up and take you to the couch where he held you in his arms

“What happened Y/N?” He asked dreading the answer. Had Satoru forced himself on you? He didn’t even want to think about it. If his best friend had done that… Suguru would find a way to kill him.

You shook your head and tried to calm down enough to speak but that didn’t happen for the longest time.

Finally when it seemed you cried a river you avoided Suguru’s eyes, looking down you said “I… fucked up… “ it was a small whisper “I slept with him” you admitted “he showed up here last night and warped us back to his hotel and then… everything got out of control” you avoided saying that Satoru had tried to force himself on you at the beginning. You didn’t want to make things worse than they already were.

“I’m sorry…” you mumbled before you broke in tears once more. Suguru and you were not in a relationship but a part of you felt you had betrayed the possibility of a future with him last night.

Suguru swallowed hard, he had no right to demand anything from you, it wasn’t your fault you were in love with Satoru and not with him. He still chose to remain by your side because he didn’t have the heart to leave you alone when you needed him the most.

-

Crystalline blue eyes opened, he stared at the ceiling of his hotel room before a hand searched the spot on the bed next to him. It was cold and empty. He sat up like a spring, you were gone “Y/N!…” he yelled but you were not there anymore “fuck!” When did you leave? You didn’t even give him the chance to explain, to talk to you about what he felt and what he was willing to do to get you back. He didn’t want you to think last night had been a one time thing nor an ‘exes fling’.

It seemed he couldn’t do anything right. Last night had been… magical for a lack of a better word. He felt your love in your kisses, your tender and passionate touch, in your arms he felt redeemed, when you allowed him to have you Satoru thought…. he hoped to be on the way to get you back. Despite his mistakes and his guilt you welcomed him inside you once more and gave him everything.

He didn’t want all those hours of love making and love promises to mean nothing. He had to talk to you and he had to be ready to accept whatever it is you were going to say.

Grabbing the shreds of your clothing from the floor he inhaled deeply finding your lingering scent on them. Once more, the fact he almost forced you stabbed his chest with a piercing pang of guilt. Last night had been fueled by his jealousy. But when he realized what he was doing he changed his behavior and instead chose to show you how much he loved you, how much he needed you in his life.

Something in him was changing. Last night he opened his eyes to the monstrosity he was capable of committing. It wasn’t right to do this to you. He was inadvertently destroying the shards of your relationship.

A revelation washed over him like a bucket of cold water

He had to be willing to lose you if he wanted a chance to get you back. It had to be your choice. He couldn’t rob you of your autonomy just because he was going to lose his shit if you chose to leave him for good.

It took a few hours of getting ready mentally and preparing himself for what he was going to say to you. He wanted to talk to you and explain that what happened last night meant everything to him, he wanted to open his heart and lay it at your feet. He was afraid of what he was going to encounter. Will you reject him and tell him it was a mistake? Will you still push to go through with the divorce?…. Will you give him a chance to prove to you he was truly remorseful and willing to make changes to get you back?

He warped outside of the door of your apartment and rang the bell.

-

Suguru opened the door to see Satoru standing on the other side. His anger and frustration got the best out of him so he threw a punch that incredibly connected with Satoru’s cheek. The white haired sorcerer tumbled backwards but didn’t fall on the floor. He chose not to use his infinity on purpose, he owed that one to Suguru.

“What do you want now Satoru?” Asked his best friend while standing in front of the door, his frame blocking the access.

“Can I… talk to her?” Gojo asked in a tame tone, he didn’t come here to make demands, he wanted to fix things once and for all.

https://youtu.be/DGxHSt8gRkY

“I’ll talk to him Sugu” Your voice came from behind. Geto turned around to look into your eyes, doubt plagued his expression. He wasn’t certain it was the best thing right now. But before he could protest you continued “I’ll be alright… I have to do this…” squeezing his arm trying to comfort him Suguru sighed and nodded “I’ll be in my room if you need me” shooting Satoru a last warning glance he left walking down the hall.

|||

See you've been changing, baby

In good ways and bad ways

Can't say what I say, it's far too late

And I think you made me, baby

Made me too nervous

Crying and this hurt and I gotta tell you why

|||

“Come in…” Satoru followed you into your living room “y/n… I… I am sorry…. “ you were about to interrupt him but he lifted one hand asking you to wait “please let me say this..” agreeing you let him continue.

“I am sorry for all the pain I put you through, it was selfish and stupid. I never loved Sookie, it was always you. The only woman in my heart. And I know this sounds like a stupid excuse but it’s the truth. “ taking a deep breath he steeled himself for the next part. You were going to hate him but he had to come clean

“I was an idiot… I thought, before Sookie… I thought that maybe I was not really in love with you…. That… if I met someone else I wouldn’t feel this need… this terrifying addiction I feel for you… I was wrong. Everything intensified tenfold, I realized I love you more than anything in the world… more than myself. I wanted to fix everything but… it was too late because the damage had been done” swallowing hard Gojo continued “I failed you… as a husband, I know it has no forgiveness and yet… I cannot even start to think of a life without you in it. My days are miserable without you. I can’t sleep, I can’t think, I can’t function like a fucking normal person without you Y/N.

It hurt so much to hear his words. It made you feel like all the promises, all the love confessions he made before convincing you to marry him were lies. Why did he ask you to marry him in the first place if he wasn’t sure he loved you? What kind of sick game were you to him?!. You had to make a conscious effort to not sob. Biting your lower lip, forcing the tears to remain contained.

Almost as if he was listening to your thoughts Satoru continued “I fell in love with you the first moment I saw you Y/N. When I held you in my arms that night outside of the ballet studio in Tokyo, when I pulled you away from that car… I loved you. I just…. Was too stupid and too selfish to admit that to myself” he took a step closer and held one of your hands “I’m sorry it took so long for me to realize you were… you are all I need. Please Y/N, please forgive me. I can’t live like this anymore. The guilt and despair are consuming me alive” he said in a broken whisper. “last night meant the world to me… baby, I love you so much…” continued looking into your eyes with his azure orbs while he held your hand.

This was too much to handle…

It was one thing to think Satoru fell out of love and that’s why he found someone else. But it was another completely different to hear he had not even been sure of his feelings for you in the first place.

Pulling your hand away you couldn’t control the tears that escaped your eyes, like translucent cascades, pouring the pain you felt “leave….” You whispered looking at the floor.

“Y/N…. Please don-…”

You cut him “LEAVE!” A firm yell came out; half broken, half desperate. “You… you lied to me! All these years! Y… you lied to me! “ the statement was like a dagger straight to his heart. Spoken in a painful tone. He wanted to explain further but you cut him “I heard what you had to say now let me be…” the glacial tone in your voice froze the blood in Satoru’s veins. Your eyes hardened inclemently as you regarded this man who you once thought was the beginning and end of your life. You really couldn’t see the man you fell in love with in him. Not anymore.

|||

Said I can do this all night, baby

Said I was actin' out of line, maybe

Can't put my trauma to the side

When you told me I was lyin'

Had me feelin' like I died, baby

I seen a grown man cry, baby

Just see you do it, ain't special, no

|||

“Y/N..” absolute terror transfixed Gojo’s handsome features. Tears of despair running down his handsome pale face. Your aura was so cold and distant. He had never seen you like this before. “Please Y/N… I-…”

“I said… leave! And don’t come back. I am done with you. Good bye Satoru…” you turned around and walked away, disappearing behind the door of your room.

|||

And I know it might mess you up

Hatin' me ain't gon' get you love

Ain't nobody gon' set you up

I ain't even gon' sweat you, love

And we'll never be friends like this

God couldn't forgive like this

Way I really went in like this

Thank God I ain't been like this

|||

Suguru heard the loud exchange and came out. He couldn’t help but feel conflicted about his best friend. On one hand he was mad at him and wanted to kick him out himself, but seeing his desolate face as he stared at the closed door of your room made him feel bad for him. ‘You dug yourself in this hole my friend’ was all he could think “I think it’s best if you leave now Satoru..”

Gojo’s eyes were stuck on the door behind which you disappeared, his lower lip trembled, his hands shaking with anxiety, his heart contracting painfully in his chest, suffocating him. He needed.. he needed you but… you didn’t want him there. He wanted to say fuck it and steal you once more but he couldn’t solve things that way. No, you deserved more… better.

Without another word he warped away.

————-> Chapter 12

||| Tags:

@sleepyamaya

@cloudsinthecosmos

@jxvajxy

@satoruhooraaa

@my-reality-is-in-my-head

@dok-ja

@jscarlet06

@fiona782

@thatsharklovingwoman

@heichoustheoryofcleanliness

@syynnaaah

@shaylove418

@coldvillainess

@vampgguk

@sukuna1stwife

@tampon-earrings

[jessie-writes-things]

Squeeze Buddies

I didn't actually know it was Autism awareness day until I checked the Chase tag, which is ironic because my brain fucking sucks today.

So, fun little fact about me: one of my biggest and most common stims is squeezing shit or being squeezed. I can't explain it, I just get this sudden urge and if I can't do it my muscles start aching and get all tense and it makes me really grumy. And instead of getting a weighted blanket or something to help me, one of my friends just lets me squeeze him and he's big enough that he can squeeze me back with enough pressure that it actually helps.

Anyway, I felt like Adrian would be similar. Like dude would hate physical contact growing up but would only let his mum do this because she had to or he'd throw a fit. And then he finds a friend he's comfortable enough with to be his squeeze buddy and it's game over for them both. 😅

Anyway, here's the bloody fic!

Pairing: Teen Adrian Chase / Vigilante x Teen Neutral Reader (can be read as an establish platonic or romantic relationship)

Words: 769

Genre: Comfort. Fluff. Unedited mess.

Warnings: A couple of swears.

Summary: Adrian has a hard time and needs his squeeze buddy.

‘Alright, your squeeze buddy is here!’

You’ve said that an alarming amount of times this week, door flying open as you stormed into Adrian’s dark bedroom.

It was a mess which was worrying. Adrian was always so anal about his things having their place and staying in their place. Instead, Pokémon cards littered the floor instead of being housed in their usual sleeves, mixed up with his latest hand-drawn sketches of the D&D characters he came up with last month. A slew of pizza boxes piled up in the wastepaper basket right next to the mountain of classic doctor who videos. An episode you didn’t quite remember was already playing on the TV, no sound but the black and white image flashed light across the slowly darkening room.

Entering the nest was a whole mission within itself, but one you had down to the T. Quiet groans came from the bed, a mess of black hair poking out of the covers that refused to remove itself from the warmth. The blob shuffled closer to the wall, giving you just enough room to squeeze onto the tiny single bed.

‘You wanna squeeze or be squeezed?’

The rest was a dance of awkward shuffling. Adrian was determined to be as close to you as possible. There was no breathing room, his head slotting perfectly in that gap between your head and shoulder. Legs became a scrambled heap as his arms secured around your middle, so tight you could feel the muscles in his biceps twitching under the pressure. He had to tuck the covers in just right so nothing but his head was showing to the outside world, wafting the smell of lavender and cheesy garlic bread into the air.

He really needed to stop eating Dominos in bed.

You managed to break your hand free before it got too numb, weaving your fingers into the soft hairs at the base of his head. ‘What happened?’

Words muffled by the covers, Adrian went on a long ramble about how shit his day had been. How he woke up in a strange mood, like this weight had been dropped on him that he couldn’t explain why but all his muscles felt tense but weak at the same time. And then his brothers started being dicks to him over breakfast for seemingly no reason and there had been some really shitty customers at work, this one person from school had called him strange when he had tried to talk to them about something funny that happened in class that week. And his manager was being a dick and by the time his break came around, all he wanted to do was stand in the bin shed and scream because everything was too much and he wanted it to go away but he didn’t know how to stop it.

The quicker the words flowed from him, the calmer Adrian seemed to become. He was still squeezing you like a yogurt stick but you didn’t feel like your guts were gonna spill out of you anymore.

A lot of his energy had moved to targeting spots where he needed the pressure the most, tightening and releasing his legs around yours or his fingers through yours. When it happened, you did your best to reciprocate, pressing back until you heard the audible sigh and he could relaxed again.

‘Wanna go piss off your brothers? I think I saw them near the river with Chris on my way here. My dad got me a new BB gun and we can climb that old tree and shoot them with it.’

‘Imgood.’ For the first time that evening, Adrian showed his face, red cheeks and all. The sides of his glasses were pressing into him and you readjusted them along his nose and ears to make it less uncomfortable. ‘Thanks for the offer and for being the best squeeze buddy. You’re my best person and oh fuck it’s The Quarks! I love those stupid mother fuckers!’

His green eyes widened, a small smile threatening to appear and you rushed to grab the remote from his bedside table to unmute the TV only for Adrian to yell at you when it came out too loud. You shouted back, telling him it was his fault for leaving the volume at sixty-five.

In the end, the two of you settled down from your fits of giggles into a quiet hum of peace between blasters firing off and the sounds of children playing outside as the remaining summer sun set for the evening, Adrian’s hand still firmly placed in your own.

[alkalinefrog]

may I request your top 10 favorie lawlight fics ?? I’m really interested

AIGHT BUCKLE UP BUTTERCUP because I’ve got a lot of feelings about these! Also, people have been asking me for fics featuring:

Ryuk shenanigans

yagami sibling hijinks

whammy kids found family

----- from my bingo card I made a while back. Tbh, I put those on the list to try and manifest the energy into the universe hoping people would bring fics to ME about them lmao. I do have a couple that check the boxes though! 

Also thank you to everyone who’s been recommending me fics!! You’ve all hit the nail on the head and sing straight to my heart! I’m just slow to make my way through them between work. <3

GOING UNDER THE CUT (rip mobile users)

Aight here we go, in no particular order:

“Change OR the one where L and Light get married” by @translightyagami (I’m so sorry I keep tagging you in these alsfjkalsfdj)

The one I never shut up about and am adapting part of into a comic because it’s just that GOOD. :’’’D Light and L get married in front of Watari and Light’s family back at the Whammy orphanage in England. A melancholy yet painfully sweet tale as Light and L reminisce on their history together while getting ready for the ceremony, and their first night together afterwards. Single-handedly sold me on Kira being intrinsically part of Light to boot.

“the forest holds strange creatures” by @translightyagami (I’m sorryyyyyyy I just love your stuff)

An AU where Light’s a paranormal researcher and L’s a reclusive cryptid living in the forest next to a small town. The writing has a fairytale feel to it, and the romance is so gentle. Light’s bunking at Whammy’s small little house, and Near and Mello are there as little kids pestering Light. It’s ADORABLE. Beyond Birthday also shows up in one of the extra chapters as a creepy cashier at a thrift shop for double the fun!

"Sickness” by BlueberryValentine (more fics on their fanfiction.net account!)

The ultimate hurt/comfort + fluff + angst with a happy ending fic. The first fic I read to get back into lawlight a couple months back! Canon divergence starting during the Yotsuba arc. Light is diagnosed with terminal brain cancer while still under investigation. L has to take care of him, and somewhere along the way they fall in love. It carved out a chunk of my heart but luckily filled it back up with a sweet sort of aching.

“Seeking His Hand” by magic__mind

Historical regency AU! L is a rich nobleman courting Light, a humble farm boy, for his hand in marriage. One of the most romantic pieces of literature that I have ever come across. The prose is pure poetry, and their love so pure! This one also has a special place in my heart for its portrayal of Misa! She’s A)a spy who helps L on his cases, B)totally removed from her co-dependence for Light, C)the  bubbly badass she was always meant to be. 100/10 worth the read!

The “Resurrections” Series by Shadow_of_Quill

A modern Orpheus and Euridice story, wherein Light’s spirit leads L back from Hades while he’s still Kira. L is thereby present for the confrontation at the warehouse. Believing that any trace of Light is lost in the man, he executes him right then and there. However, this was a grave mistake, and Light’s soul won’t be as easily revived. (spoilers, they’re both fine in the end) ******* THIS ONE ALSO INCLUDES YAGAMI SIBLING HIJINKS. Sayu plays a HUGE role in bringing Light back!

“Is This The Way It Ends Now?” by Seastar98

The one that checks off ALL the above three boxes!! A “characters watch their own show” fic, wherein the gang receives a mysterious DVD in the middle of the Yotsuba arc. Horrified by what’s to come, Light and L work to make sure their future is brighter than the one they witness. They bring in all three heirs to watch with ‘em, everyone gets character development, and Sayu comes in like black panther in endgame yet again to bring Light back from the darkness! Ryuk pops up in the end and the epilogue and he’s great. The ultimate and most direct fix-it you’re ever gonna get.

“From the Same Star” by Nilahxapiel

This is my only pure “Ryuk Shenanigans” fic, and it’s really really sad :’’’D A short but sweet one-shot wherein Ryuk traverses multiple dimensions, dropping the Death Note at Light’s feet each time. Light and L were always fated to clash, and it’s just as heartbreaking every time. 

“Primitive Liars” by Nilahxapiel

This one’s super popular in the fandom for a reason! The only omegaverse fic that I’ve liked! The A/B/O dynamics and their affect on society are super well developed, and the writer manages to keep L and Light very in character while still developing their budding romance in a believable way. This is an AU where somebody else is Kira, and Light’s genuinely helping L and the task force hunt him down. ***** Naomi Misora lives, the heirs come in, and Sayu actually hops aboard the task force!!! DUDE. BRILLIANT. I also just love the exploration of gender and identity that the author weaves in. Lots of LGBTQ rep!

“and indeed there will be time” by lawlietismyfavorite

The ultimate soulmate AU. People grow to be 18, then stop aging until they meet their one. L is the greatest detective of not only this century, but of six centuries. And then there's Light. (taken straight from the description!) The prose is absolutely breathtaking; like walking through a dream. Can not recommend this fic enough! It’s got my head up in the clouds and looking towards the stars!

“K” by  Dlvvanzor

AU where Light’s a Whammy with the moniker ‘K.’ He and L grow up together along with kiddos covering the rest of the alphabet. A murder-mystery-thriller on top of the romance featuring Beyond Birthday as a main character! Light’s a pathological liar and L’s super into it. They’re the top students at Whammy’s and are tasked with solving a string of homicides happening RIGHT AT THE ORPHANAGE (guess who dunnit). It had me on the edge of my seat, and I binged the whole thing in two days.

i’mMMMM doing more than 10, this’ll just be my ultimate fic rec post 😂

“Change of Circumstances” by wordbombs

Another AU where Light’s a whammy! It’s just a one-shot though, but one of my all time faves!!! I’ve gone back and reread it so many times and drew some stuff for it a couple weeks back. Much more light-hearted than “K”, Light arrives at the orphanage at age four and meets an eleven year old L, and from there they grow up together and fall in love (the age difference is handled really well, L’s not physically present for a lot of Light’s childhood and they bond on a platonic level first). It’s one of the healthiest relationship dynamics that I’ve seen for these two, which is honestly such a breath of fresh air. Matt, Mello, and Near are there too in the background!

“Dial K for Kira” by @kiranatrix

“Light needs some easy money to finance his Kira plans, and notices there’s a big demand for Kira roleplay phone sex. So he figures, “Why not? Pretty sure I’ll be convincing.”He raises some fast cash and plans to shut the whole thing down and get back to writing names, until he gets a request from somebody who wants to “roleplay” as L....“

Taken straight from the description! It’s very VERY NSFW so be warned. I’m too shy to talk about it more alskfjdasldjf sorry BUT IT’S GREAT.

“Dance with Me” and “Birthday Note” by @dotti55fanfiction

These are both one-shots so I’m putting ‘em together! Absolutely adorable tooth-rotting fluff!! “Dance with Me” has Light and L going to a club, while “Birthday Note” features L trying to think of the best present for Light. The dictionary definition of “warm fuzzies.” (Dotti ilu, I still gotta find time to read your longer works)

“you’re a wasp nest” by  raisuki (inthegripofahurricane)

Blind!Light AU! Light and L are both college students who meet when Sayu dares L to break into her house. Yagami sibling hijinksssss! Their quippy dialogue is adorable and it’s just a fun time watching them flirt.

“softly now” by smallestbird (jenwryn)

THANK YOU TO THE ANON WHO SENT ME THIS REC. The softest lawlight one-shot to finish off this list! Light and L share an intimate moment while painting their new apartment. The absolute JOY this fic radiates in a short 700 words!! Read it before bed for the sweetest dreams!

These are just my favourites, but read anything by any of these authors and you will not be disappointed! I might make a separate post later for soulmate AUs because... There’s just too many. :’D

-Alka

[echos-newlegs]

Hello and how are you? I was wondering if you would write prompt 14.“It’s not bad to cry, in fact I think it makes a person stronger.” for Rex? PG is fine, maybe Rex the one crying. Possibly with a Jedi reader and female pronouns? Or gender neutral if you prefer. Please and thank you, but if not no worries!

A Life With Just You

Of course! Thank you so much for the ask! Got a tad carried away with this one because I really wanna comfort someone rn. (Specifically my friend struggling with some family issues.)

Rex x Fem!Jedi!Reader: "It's not bad to cry, in fact I think it makes a person stronger."

Warnings: Mentions of character death. I may have swore in it??? Honestly I don't remember.

Words: 2.2k

Tag List:

@murdertoothpick @andiebell2023 @kaitou2417 @tacticalsparkles @baroclinicinstability @captain-rexs-girlfriend

(This has nothing to do with Ahsoka, it's just the only sad Rex gif I could find rn)

You guided down the halls of the ship with soft and gentle foot steps. You were looking for a certain someone. Someone you knew for a fact was hurting. One of your closer friends, Captain Rex.

Some Jedi you were 'close' with, often questioned you for hanging out with a clone on your free time. While others like Anakin, Ahsoka, Obi-Wan, and even Master Plo Koon himself. Were all thankful you took the time out of your day to make Rex, and other clones feel like actual people. People instead of cloned weapons. 

You had checked everywhere you thought he would be. The fresher, the barracks, training hall. But you hadn't found him, yet. It was honestly concerning you. Especially with the recent loss of his brother, Fives. The subject was even a tough one for you, so you couldn't even begin to imagine the pain that Rex was going through. Especially with witnessing it all. 

You went to stop by your room. Put your robes up so you wouldn't be carrying them. Relieving some of the weight on your shoulders. Though you froze as you tapped in your codes. Feeling a gentle touch to your shoulder. A touch that had you turning your head to meet the eyes of the slightly taller blond. 

"There you are," you spoke. Turning to smile at the captain of the five-oh-first. The door to your room swishing open. "I've looked everywhere for you." You admitted. 

The captain only nodded. A small huff leaving his nose. "You have?" 

He sounded almost shocked. The way he phrased it sort of hurt you. It made you feel as if he thought he didn't deserve it. Or that you were lying. 

"Of course, Rex, oh dear.. Come inside, would you?" You spoke. Your gentle words easing their way into his heart. A small smile gracing his handsome face. You had to fight every urge in you to not kiss his forehead in the open hall. Doing such would risk someone catching the simple act of affection. 

"I couldn't say no to you," he murmured. Voice soft and quiet. 

He isn't normally loud. Not like his brother Hardcase was, or even Jesse is. But he isn't ever this soft spoken as he is now. If anything his voice is more stern, or even shy. Not secluded and upset like now. The change of tone to his voice only making your chest squeeze more with pain. 

You nodded, forcing a small smile back as the two of you snuck into your small room. Taking his hand to lead him to the couch once the door was shut behind the two of you. 

"Did you want some tea? Water?" You spoke, but before you could even step foot towards the kitchen he was pulling you down onto the sofa. 

You had to admit, you loved that he could resort to you for comfort, but you hated he hadn't removed his armor yet. Or even let you remove your own. What little you wore, at least. 

"Rex," you spoke quietly. Hands moving to his back as he laid on top of you. His arms strong arms around your waist. Face buried in the crook of your neck. 

"Rex, look at me?" You asked. Hands sliding up to cradle the back of his head, but he didn't budge. 

"I can't," his voice was merely a whisper. His body trembling ever so slightly as he clung to you. As if he let go you would disappear from his grasp. 

"Rex, what's wrong? You can talk to me, you know?" You reassure him. Rubbing his scalp with one hand. Feeling as he slightly relaxed at the small touch.

"What if I lose you, too?" The words came out of the blue. Yet you expected it. You could almost feel his insecurities and worries leaking from his exhausted brain. Moving to press a soft kiss atop his head. 

"Rex, you have me, I'm all yours." He grumbled under his breath at those words. Grip tightening, and it had you shifting to avoid being pinched by the plastoid on his arms. 

"No," he snarled a bit. "I mean- I do, I know. Because you have me, but that’s not what I mean." He told you. Keeping his face hidden from.you as he spoke. 

"Mesh'la.. What if I can't save you? Like I couldn't save Hardcase, and Fives, and- And all my brothers. What if I lose you, too?" That was the first time you'd heard him say Fives name since the incident. Rubbing his neck as he eased against you. 

"Then you'll have to live with it." You were blunt. You didn't know what else to exactly say. You couldn't tell him nothing would happen, because that would most likely be a lie. Even with your bluntness, it seemed to ease him. 

"You can't save everyone, Rex." You told him. Shifting upwards. Which had him moving himself as well. So he was now sitting next to you. Facing forwards on the couch. His face, facing away from yours. Tear tracks running down his sun kissed skin. Eyes puffy with sorrow and regret. 

"Rex, look at me," you spoke, asking again. Reaching out to run your fingers over his cheek. 

"I look ridiculous, don't I?" He asked with a laugh. Turning to face you, slightly. Though his eyes avoided yours. 

"A soldier like myself, crying over the inevitable." His words made you nearly tear up. You absolutely despised how people made it seem tears meant signs of weakness. That it meant soldiers weren't soldiers. When in fact, you thought it brought out who people really were. 

"Rex, look at me." Your voice was more stern this time. Young both hands to cup his face as his eyes slowly panned over to stare back into yours. 

"Listen to me, it's not bad to cry, okay?" You told him. Wiping some tears from his face using your thumbs. "In fact, I think it makes a person stronger." You informed. Leaning forward to press your forehead against his. Watching as he brought a hand up to hold one of your hands to his face. Using the other to cup the side of your own face. 

"What did I do to deserve you?" He muttered back. Both of you smiling weakly. 

"Rex, you deserve the world," you responded, making him chuckle a bit. Moving your hand and bring it to his lips so he could kiss your palm. 

"Then I guess you're my world," he cooed against your hand. Smiling softly as your own bashful smile grew. 

"Oh, is that so?" You chuckled. Watching as he pulled your hand down to his lap to intertwine your fingers. 

"As a matter of fact you are, you make me want to win this war. Every time I feel like giving up, I think of a life without fighting, with you." He almost whispered. Still sniffling a bit. Eyes shyly looking around. Then back onto your eyes. 

You had a look of pure love and adoration on your face. You never really liked being a Jedi, you were basically forced into it. So the fact Rex wanted to settle down. Start a life with you. For you. When the war was over? That had your heart racing. You were the one tearing up now and smiling like an idiot. 

"Cyare, are you okay?" Rex asked. Mimicking your actions from before and catching a single tear that rolled down your cheek with his thumb. 

"I love you, so much, and you have no idea how much you wanting to live a life with me, means to me." You gushed. It was so random, and ideal. The words making Rex's eyes go wide. He always thought you would think his words were nothing but words. That your guys relationship was a one time deal, during the war and only during the war. But this had his hopes up and his mind planning your future more already. 

"No, you have no idea how much it means to me." He corrected. Kissing your lips softly. Your arms wrapping around his neck while he hand the side of your face with one hand. Then your hip with the other. 

"Beautiful girl," he cooed, kissing your lips once more. "Starting a life with you is all I ever dream of, and you wanting the same with me? That drives me absolutely wild." He told you, and that had you smiling even more. 

You tugged on the armor of his chest piece. Kissing the corner of his lips. Your eyes fluttering shut as he held you close. "Can you take all this off? I wanna hold you." You licked your lips as you waited for him to comply. Though it really didn't take long. Especially since Rex is now in the mood to feel you. Without his armor hiding your gentle touch and soft skin from his own skin. 

The first time he felt the softness of your skin was the day he decided that was his new favorite feeling. Stripping from the plastoid and his gloves. Then watching as you did the same. Dropping your robes over the back of the couch. Then taking his hand and leading him back to the your bed. 

It was like dragging a love sick teddy bear around. His larger hand locked with yours. Thumb grazing your skin. "What type of home would we have?" You knew questions like this you probably shouldn't ask, but then again. You probably shouldn't even be holding the hand of a captain. Let alone the captain of one of the most well known clone units. 

He sighed. Climbing into the bed with you. Lying on his side, you doing the same. Both of you facing one another with arms and legs intermingled. Though far enough apart you could still see one another's face. 

"Maybe a farm," he told you. Rubbing your side with soft swipes of his hand. Eyes looking slightly about you as he thought about it. Tucking his one arm under his head as a cushion. 

"A farm?" He nodded at your question. Eyes gazing down to you. 

"Yeah, you remember Cut? He was the clone that left the GAR. He settled down. Had a farm, wife.. Kids." The word rolled off his tongue like an unasked question. Wonder dancing in his eyes at just the mention of little ones. 

Rex had always had hopes of having a family of his own. Little pups running around. Maybe even an army of little ones, if he was lucky. He never brought it up, though. Scared of being shot down at just the mere mention. 

You smiled though. Sensing his worry at just the mention of the word. Leaning forward to kiss his chin. 

"You want kids?" You asked. Noticing how he shifted and grew anxious at the question. 

"I mean, no, well, I wouldn't mind," he spoke a bit quickly. His hand on your hip halting its movement. 

"Not until the wars over, of course. So I know they'd be safe. Be able to have a normal life." He admitted. "But only if my partner wants them. Of course." He muttered. Glancing down to meet your eyes. Worried he said too much or not enough. 

"Hmm, kids would be fun." Those simple words from you had his lips curling up in a grin. 

"Yeah, they would be." You snickered. Kissing his lips once more. 

"I'm sure your partner would be lucky to have little Rex's running around." You teased, rolling your eyes slightly with a grin. 

"Only if your my partner would I feel lucky," he spoke gently. Caressing your face again. Your eyes staring up into his with a small smile. 

"What?" You heard him just fine, but his words still shocked you. 

"I want a family with you, on a little farm. Out and away from the city. Where we can just live out happy lives. Away from the war." He told you. Rolling the two of you over so he was hovering above you. Hands on either side of your head. 

"And?" You pried. Expecting him to continue the ramble. Waiting for him to gush on about the future he had for the two of you. All stored away in that mind of his. 

"And, would you do me the favor of making me the luckiest clone-" you shot him a look. Rex clearing his throat with a small smile. "Man," you smiled at his correction. Awaiting the rest of his spew. "In the galaxy, by living a life with me after the war?" He asked. Watching as you stared up to him with a partially opened mouth. 

He was a bit worried you would say no. Even if he knew you wanted it just as bad. That you just admitted to loving him nearly five minutes ago, but the thought of rejection always resurfaced in his anxious mind. 

"Rex, I'd love to be the luckiest girl, living by your side. In some shitty farm, with an army of kids." You joked with an eye roll. Nearly gasping as he leant down to capture your lips with his own. Your arms moving to snake around his neck to pull him closer. Eyes falling shut as the kiss continued to deepen. 

Your life was complete. Even with the raging war, the deaths that kept coming, and the thought of dying yourself. Rex was there for you, and you were there for him. It was all the two of you needed to keep fighting. To keep living. 

Even without the domestic life, and a public relationship. The two of you had more than you could have ever once dreamt of. You had comfort, love, and each other. 

[belfrygargoyles]

*whispers* I would like to hear what you have to say on reader inserts in the SW fandom because I too have a problem with them and I feel like not enough people are calling it out 👉👈

I’ve made a few posts about it in the past but I think it’s high time I actually Do This and really get into it.

Before I start: 1) This will be in specific reference to fanfiction written for the Star Wars fandom, particularly tcw and the mandalorian eras, 2) A lot of the issues come down to racist fetishization of men of color by white women; I am white, so there is much that is simply not my place to make statements on. What I can speak most on is my take from the gender side of things.

I’d honestly recommend reading this post by @nibeul with addition by @clonehub first, as they discuss the core issue with reader inserts in the Star Wars fandom.

And 3) some of this will involve discussion of sexual acts (as they relate to fanfiction) and sexual fantasies. These discussions will be non-explicit, and no pornographic text or content will be displayed.

Also. I’m GNC and nonbinary. I’m also a very feminine looking person that falls under the generalization of “small and petite.” I don’t have dysphoria, I like my body and the traits I have, and treating them like inherently female sends me into a blind fury. This is, unfortunately, important.

For the sake of making sure I come across as clearly as possible, I will be writing as though the reader of this post has never read or is broadly unfamiliar with reader-insert fanfiction.

Without further ado.

Hey, Star Wars reader insert fic writers? Please get your shit together.

INTRODUCTION

I’ve been reading reader-insert fanfiction since I was a grade schooler waking up early to check Quizilla. I love it! It got me into fandom, kept me engaged, helped me make and develop some of my oldest OCs, and it’s just fun to read and write- it’s like a self-indulgent little gift you can give to a bunch of people all at once. Because who doesn’t like the idea of starring in their own little adventure, usually alongside some of their favorite characters? It can be fun, immersive, get you attached in ways other ways of fandom interaction may not, make you feel just a little bit special, or be a way to express some feelings you might have about canon and the way the story went.

Like any form of fiction, it ends up saying more about the author’s feelings than anything else, whether the author realizes it or not. For many, many authors of reader-insert fanfiction, the primary enjoyment comes from writing “themselves” into the story- before the readers, the author most often makes the “reader character” someone they, themselves, can relate to and substitute for themselves. They write to live out a self-indulgent fantasy they have, and their readers can come along for the ride.

Some writers do actually try to write as diverse or as vague of a reader character as possible- as few details about the body, identity, etc. as possible so anyone could superimpose their image without the narrative directly contradicting it. This is not the kind of reader insert author I will be discussing.

The kind of author I will be discussing is the one most common in the Star Wars tag on Ao3: White, AFAB, cisgender, gender-conforming, able-bodied women who assume all of their readers are also White, AFAB, cisgender, gender-conforming, able-bodied women. Yes, you can tell.

ISSUE: fetishization of men of color

Again, this post puts it in the best words, but there is a rampant problem with Star Wars reader-inserts, particularly those involving the clones, Boba Fett, and Din Djarin, fetishizing characters played by men of color as either “physically aggressive and threatening, hypersexual and dominant, big strong men who are scary because they do violence and fuck constantly when they’re not” or “completely inexperienced baby who doesn’t know anything about things and needs a gentle nurturing guiding touch to introduce him to the mere idea of a vagina.” The former is common across all of them, the latter most common among clone trooper fics or Din/Reader.

I went into the Boba Fett/Reader tag on Ao3, because I like him and hoped to find something alright. Here are some stats I tallied up (give or take some) based solely on tags, summaries, and warnings:

There are 284 works in the Boba Fett/Reader category as of the time of this post.

198/284 are rated E for explicit sexual content. 69.7% of all Boba Fett/Reader works are sexually explicit.

259/284 are in the F/M category. 91.2% of all Boba Fett/Reader works involve an explicitly female or AFAB reader.

24/284 are tagged with or mention “Age difference,” “Older man/Younger woman,” “Innocence kink” or “Virginity kink.” 8.4% of all Boba Fett/Reader works are written explicitly with an age gap, with Boba Fett as the older party

26/198 E rated fics are tagged with or make reference to “Daddy kink” or involve the reader being called some variation of “little girl” by Boba. 13% of all E-rated works under Boba Fett/Reader are daddy kink fics, or allude to Boba Fett being a daddy dom/sugar daddy.

102/198 E rated fics are tagged as, make reference to, or suggest in the summary that Boba Fett takes a dominant sexual role with a submissive reader involving rough or painful play, or make reference to Boba Fett being frightening, physically intimidating, having a power dynamic over the reader, or being possessive or violent. 51.51% of all E-rated works under Boba Fett/Reader portray Boba Fett as sexually dominant and/or enacting use of physical force or pain play.

Just using this as an example, because it’s the easiest stats I can gather and also what made me realize there was a pattern.

The problem isn’t even necessarily that people write explicit fic about Boba- it’s that 1) over half of all fics in the category are explicitly pornographic, and 2) the way those pornographic fics are written. The two things compound on each other. They’re dominance fantasies projected onto a character of color in which he becomes extremely sexual, physically rough with the reader, possessive, and demeaning towards a reader character who is always written as White, AFAB, and petite.

This brings me to the next issue.

ISSUE: The way sexual relationships are portrayed.

Let me clarify so there is no chance of me being misunderstood: sex is good. Liking and wanting and enjoying sex isn’t bad. It is not bad if you are AFAB and have submissive fantasies. It is not bad to be sexually attracted to a man of color. You can write about sex even if you haven’t had it. Writing about sex can be a good way to express some more complicated feelings you could have about certain things. It doesn’t even have to be realistic. It has its time and it has its place.

This being said.

Sexual relationships as they are portrayed in the vast majority of E-rated Star Wars reader inserts are… not great.

The reader is always AFAB. I can think of maybe one fic off the top of my head where an AFAB reader was written with they/them pronouns and not just she/her.

The reader is almost always submissive, the dominant character is almost always portrayed as cis male. Even when the characters are supposed to just be having spontaneous casual sex, D/S or BDSM aspects will be introduced with no prior discussion or talks about it afterwards. Sometimes characters will start using dirty talk and it just does not fit at all, but it’s what the author thought was hot.

Sometimes, it just reads like a quick smutty oneshot. More often than that, it reads like the author doesn’t realize that sex… isn’t always a dom/sub thing. Or that someone can take the lead in sex and that doesn’t automatically make them a dom.

It’s not bad to be inexperienced. It’s not bad to have preferences or kinks or specific turn-ons.

But it gets… tiring to read, over and over and over and over, because that’s all there is.

That and… I dunno, it just has me a little worried? It doesn’t make me feel good knowing so many people can only portray a sexual relationship if it’s dom/sub. I don’t know why it makes me so uneasy.

Vanilla sex isn’t a bad thing I promise. It's this feeling of insistence that something "spicy" absolutely has to happen for it to be worth writing that gives... some weird vibes.

I’m going to move on to the next Big-

ISSUE: Every “reader” character is exactly the same

By which I mean the following:

Always cis AFAB female

If a character is written with gender neutral pronouns they will always be AFAB and written like Girl Lite

I have never seen an explicitly stated nonbinary/gnc reader character unless it was a request specifically for a nonbinary reader

I have never seen a gender neutral reader insert fic where the reader was AMAB

I have seen a grand total of 1 cis male reader fic and 1 trans male reader fic. The trans male reader fic was about dysphoria.

The reader is allowed to have one of the following backstories: slave/runaway, mechanic, medic, ex-Rebel, secret Jedi, bounty hunter.

The reader is allowed to have one of the following personality traits: throws knives, babysitter, completely civilian, WOMAN, says curse words.

The reader is never written with any narrative agency- things only ever happen to the reader character or around the reader character, they are never written to take charge and actually affect things on their own. Essentially the sexy lamp trope.

Remember when I said the majority of people writing Star Wars reader-insert fanfic on Ao3 were White, cisgender AFAB women who are gender-conforming and able-bodied? This is how you can tell.

It’s at this point where you can tell they’re really not meant to be reader-inserts, but author-inserts with the names removed- they were only meant for a very narrow selection of readers.

I’m nonbinary, I’m gnc, and I’m a very feminine looking person, generally speaking. I’m used to people looking at me and assuming oh, girl. I’m at peace with that.

I can barely stand reading some of these fics just because of how much the author emphasizes that the reader is FEMALE shes a WOMAN with BOOBS and a VAGINA and FEMININE WILES. There’s barely ever even a chance to give myself room to mentally vault over all the “she”s and “her”s because then I’m getting hit with Din or someone calling the reader “girl” or “the woman.” It’s unbearable, and I even fall into the general description every fucking fic author uses for their generic protagonist!

Even with the “gender-neutral reader” fics, it is just. Painfully clear that they just wrote a female character and changed the pronouns- no, there is no such thing as “male behavior” or “female behavior,” and I quite heartily rebel against the concept of gender essentialism. And honestly, I can barely even begin piecing together how I know it and what it feels like, because it’s just one of those vague conglomerates of cues and writing patterns I can’t consciously pick up on but I know it’s there- it’s frustrating, it’s demeaning, and it feels like you’d have to threaten these authors at gunpoint to get them to write a reader character who was any major deviation from the same three cutouts they use every time.

It seems like they can’t possibly force themselves to write a reader character who isn’t meek and submissive or has the sole personality traits of “mean and can hit things”- you can actually strike a balance between “absolutely no personality” and “fleshed out oc” you know? And you don’t actually have to tell the reader what their hair looks like or how full their figure is

It’s like 2:20 AM and I started this at like 8something PM but.

I’m someone who loves reader-inserts. I enjoy them. I still check for new ones regularly. I’ve been reading them for well over half my life now.

So many of these authors are just locked in on exactly one way to write things and it fucking shows. It’s like a self-feeding loop, they just keep writing the same things and the same dynamics because they see each other doing it and they never think about taking a step back.

It’s… exhausting. I’m exhausted. If you’re a reader-insert fic writer and you want to improve your reader character inclusivity and have also read this far, you can DM me or shoot me an ask.

[armysantiny]

Twilight Cafe - Side Orders

The Anger of the 98’

P: Hongjoong, Hyerin (oc), Seonghwa | G: angst| Inc: weapons, torture, pissed off 98' line, sadistic levels of anger, murder, shot between the eyes, victim, pre-Baekhyun's return| Wc: 557 | W: torture, murder, weapons, sadism | R: 17

Minnie's notes: Yes, I am adding smaller drabbles to this series. Partly to flesh out the characters and partly because I don't want to let this series collect dust while I write the chapters. Also if you saw this on my cb, shut up you saw nothing lmao/j

The complex was silent. Deathly silent. No one dared utter a word as the leadership trio returned; ice cold fury across their faces. Yeosang’s blood ran cold as he checked the camera feed, already picturing the events that would come next. Torture sessions were few and far between, but when they did happen…no one could deny the sheer power the three held to frighten even the most hardened of individuals.

Even the rest of Ateez were scared of them.

Barely acknowledging the name tag of the poor soul she grabbed by the collar, Hyerin dragged him towards the room where Hongjoong and Seonghwa were waiting. Deaf to the cries and pleas of the petrified staff in her hands, Hyerin shot him a glare, twisting her hand around the fabric and squeezing the air out of the nuisance she had trembling beside her.

“We haven’t even done anything. Shut your fucking mouth.”

“Fuck Hyerin, bring them in already.”

Scrambling to his knees as the met the cold, hard metal of the torture room floor, the staff barely had time to react as a steel baseball bat met his back, a sickening crunch filling the room shortly afterwards.

“Joong, give it here.” Hand outstretched, Seonghwa clicked his neck as he twisted the weapon in his hands. It had been a while since he played baseball. A bit of practice wouldn’t hurt.

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Five strikes with the baseball bat and the trio’s victim was left delirious. Barely conscious as he attempted to keep himself above the growing pool of blood underneath them, the staff coughed up blood, his nose drowning in the sticky substance. Gasping as a cane lifted his head up, the staff made eye contact with the head of the hydra that was Ateez’s leadership.

“You know what we forgot? Our little plaything has a name~. What’s your name little mouse?”

“Nam- Namhyuck…Goo Namhyuck.” His arms giving out as the pain became too much to bare, Namhyuck collapsed to the floor, his frail and beaten body soaking in its own blood.

“My turn boys…move.”Hyerin was ruthless. Digging her heel into Namhyuck’s forearm while she removed her jacket, the ringing sound of screams hardly fazed her – she’d broken the bone, nothing out of the ordinary. Humming as she looked down to inspect the damage, the con woman simply moved to Namhyuck’s other arm, repeating the process with ease. Kicking off her heels, Hyerin opted for the pair of boots she kept stashed away, sliding into the footwear as she watched the writhing body mere yards away.

Oh but Hyerin wasn’t done. Far from it.

Scouring the knives lining the walls, she picked out a simple hunting knife, twirling the blade in her hand as she approached Namhyuck’s barely conscious body. Where to cut…where to cut. Grinning as she found the perfect canvas for her art, Hyerin crouched, grabbing Namhyuck by the jaw, carving the blade against his cheek, three initials appearing out of the blood.

“Oh look – a tattoo~”

“Shall we put the bastard out of his misery Rin? I’m already feeling much better.” Seonghwa suggested, handing Hyerin the suppressed pistol. Taking the gun and cocking the barrel, Hyerin aimed it between the tortured man’s eyes, a satisfied glint in her eyes. They had played around with their prey long enough.

“Light’s out~!” Bang.

TWC Taglist: @joongflower, @babyboobean, @yunkiwii, @tae-cup, @minji-oc | Taglist Form

[kjhmyg]

rough edges pt. 6 (m)

pairing: jungkook | (f) reader genre: college!au, badboy!jk, fluffy too :(  warnings: mentions of drugs, unprotected sex, cursing, violence, alcohol, drinking, death, manhandling, college parties, boys lol  word count: 10.7K

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / part 6 / 6.5

author’s note: hello i love u. first of all welcome to  ♡ libra season ♡ sorry this took so long; it feels kinda short so maybe i’ll post a short 1k chapter next week (part 6.5). i wrote the last half of the last part like an hour ago i hope i didnt make any big grammatical errors or typos lol. also dedicating this to my friend haru who i miss loads.

RE asks tag

What was a red mark on Jungkook’s cheek, has now turned purple-ish. He promises it doesn’t hurt anymore but you notice him mindlessly touching it at times. So you kiss it very gently each time you say goodbye and he doesn’t stop you.

With one arm around over the back of your chair, he’s feeding himself fries with the other. You lean against his shoulder, watching as he nibbles away. “Can’t keep your eyes off me huh?” He mutters.

“You know I can’t.” You admit, giggling into quick, continuous pecks. He lingers on a little longer on the last one like he always does.

“Will you guys save it for the bedroom?” Jimin asks, face twisted in disgust. He doesn’t really care, but it’s fun to tease Jungkook. “Gross.”

“Gross is you dipping fries in your coke.” Hana shakes her head at the soaked fry between his thumb and index finger.

"Don't be mad you don't have refined taste in food like me." He shoots back. “A soaked fry has equal parts sweet and salty.”

“You’re just gross.”

Hana’s realised it doesn’t take much to get under his skin and is enjoying every bit of it. The irony is that it always starts with Jimin trying to get under Jungkook’s skin. Next to Jimin, Taehyung’s phone has his undivided attention. In fact, he’s been rather quiet today, spending the last five minutes or so frowning at his screen.

“Tae, you alright?”

“No.” He sighs, finally looking up. “I have to get a job.”

“...And?”

“Well I don’t want to.” He says simply. “Can’t believe my parents are cutting off my allowance because I spend too much.” He uses air quotes.

Except for Jimin, the rest of you only manage blank stares, unable to sympathise with his first world problem. "Yeah, I’m sure those thousand dollar Balenciaga sneakers you got last week have nothing to do with it.” Jungkook says.

“Jungkook. They were limited edition.”

“A thousand dollars?” You say. “What the hell dude.”

“Okay can we stop talking about the past and focus on the present?” Leaning back against his chair and looking into the distance, Jimin places a comforting hand on his shoulder

“Don’t worry, we’ll find you a nice job.” Jimin says and he lets out a tiny whine, throwing his head back.

That’s when it hits you. You have no idea how, but it does. And you have no idea if it’ll work but you’re doing it anyway.

A clueless Hana raises a brow in question at the sudden look of mischief you give her. She braces herself for whatever you’re about to do, equally curious and worried. “Actually, you should apply at our café.” You say to Taehyung.

“They’re hiring?”

“Well not yet.” Turning back to her, you widen your eyes slightly, prompting Hana to play along. She quickly does, noticing Jungkook watching her over your shoulder. “I’m leaving soon so they’ll definitely need a replacement.”

“You’re quitting?” Jungkook asks, sitting up straight. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” The little head shake you give isn’t enough to convince him. “I just wanna work somewhere else. Anyway, you’d like working there Tae. It’s nice.” The other boy perks up, seemingly interested.

Hana agrees, explaining the details of your work and what it’s like there. While they talk, Jungkook squeezes your shoulder to get your attention, “Are you sure nothing happened? Creeps harassing you again?”

“No, really.” You say, hand over his cheek. “I just want a change of environment. The job’s getting boring.”

The worry in his eyes gradually disappears as he seems to accept it. He gives a soft okay for now. Looking away, you let out a silent sigh of relief. On the inside, the rational side of you is yelling her head off. What possessed you to decide to quit your job for no good reason? This plan is banking on the chance that Jungkook will let you join him at the club. Which when you think about it, is very unlikely to happen.

Yet, another part of you is excited. Your mind is in a frenzy. Convincing yourself you’ll figure the details out later, you silently thank Taehyung and his Balenciagas for handing you this opportunity.

"Oh hey, we better get going." Jimin says, looking at the time on his phone. "We'll see you guys tonight?"

The girls of Eta Iota are hosting a party tonight. Naturally, the boys get invited and by association, you too. Sunhee’s cashing in on your promise of taking her to one, so you have to go even if it’s just to hang around for a while then leave. You part ways with Jimin and Tae as Jungkook gives Hana and you a ride back. He walks with you to the lobby of your place, where you tell Hana to head up first.

Right by the stairwell, he leans against the wall and holds you in his arms, between his legs. “Are you sure you wanna quit your job?”

"Yessss, I’m sure. I wanna work somewhere else." Resting your chin on his chest, you look up at him. "It's cute that you're worried about me."

“Of course I am.” He kisses the top of your head. “I’ll help you keep a lookout for places that are hiring.”

You smile gleefully up at him. Oh, he’s going to help you get a new job alright. Just not in the way he’s thinking. Already, you feel bad for lying to him. But you keep telling yourself you’re doing this for him.

He doesn’t let you go so easily when you try and remove yourself, not giving up his hold on you. When you pry his hands off, he tugs you right back in, locking you in his arms as kisses land all over your face. “Stop,” you laugh, “someone might see us.” But you don’t look around to check for anyone. He doesn’t care either.

He lifts you up easily, wrapping your legs around him. Switching positions, you now feel the cool wall against your back. “Should we skip the party tonight?” He asks, a hopeful look in his eyes.

“You have to go. It’s part of your fraternity sorority socialising thingy thing.” He rolls his eyes at that. “Plus, I promised Sunhee I’d go with her.”

"Fine. But I’m only going ‘cause you’re going."

“So I’ll see you there, okay?” He nods in response as his hold on you loosens. A peck on the cheek and you’re going up the stairs, one step at a time, hand still holding on to his. As it slips away, he squeezes his chest with his other hand and groans in mock pain.

“Silly,” you mutter between giggles. He breaks character and skips up the steps to get another kiss from you. At this rate he would never leave.

“Jungkook seriously,” you say against his lips, leaning back to separate yourself from him, “you should go now. I’ll see you later anyway.”

He complies and lets you go, but not without releasing a very dramatic sigh. You hurry up the steps before he changes his mind, looking down over the railing as you go, waving your goodbye.

𝄖𝄖

Purple, purple everywhere. The Etas had decided to do their rush party while celebrating their anniversary. Which explains why the decorations are of their ‘official’ colour. Purple balloons, cups, banners, napkins.

“This is so fun!” Sunhee squeals, coming up to hug you from behind. “I’ve made a bunch of new friends!” She squeals again and hurries off elsewhere, leaving you and Hana once again.

“I’m glad she’s enjoying herself.” Hana comments, taking a sip of her drink.

“Aren’t you?” You nudge her side. “You’ve had like four guys come up and give you their number. Don’t act like you’re not having fun.”

“I guess I’m havin’ a lil’ fun…” she mumbles towards the end, sipping on her drink with a tiny smile. She’s holding up much better than you thought she would. Much better than you at least, she doesn’t seem too bothered by the constant yelling.

There’s no reason to worry about Sunhee. She’d clung on to you earlier when you arrived together as promised, like you’re her ticket in. As soon as you passed through the doors, a couple of girls from the host house came up to greet you. While it was a little awkward for you, Sunhee saw her chance and took it. She’s been hanging out with them since.

“Where’s Jungkook?” Hana asks. She’s still unsure about your plan. You had gotten an earful from her earlier on, back at the apartment. Only after you promised, pinky promised and swore you’d be safe, did she finally calm down.

“Somewhere.” It’s crowded enough to not be able to see the other end of the room. You crane your neck to see better. “Don’t know if I can find him with all these people around.”

“Go.” Her pretty, long eyelashes flutter over her eyes as she looks at you. “Don’t worry about me.”

You’re hesitant to leave, but she reiterates that she’d be fine and you finally nod, much to her relief. She has Jimin and Taehyung with her anyway, she says, nodding over to the pair a few feet away.

Before disappearing into the crowd, you turn back to let her know you might not see her for the rest of the night. But she’s read your mind, waving her hands at you. “You’ll be with Jungkook, I know.”

“Text me when you get home. I love you.” You blow her a kiss and watch her roll her eyes, then push through bodies of people to get to a different part of the house. There’s way too many people here. Most of them tower at least a head over you, disrupting your view. Your phone vibrates just as you enter the biggest room of the house which gives you a little more maneuvering space than the previous one.

Jungkook: u look great

Slowly, you turn in the spot you’re in, paying close attention to each section of the room.

Jungkook: i like pink

Jungkook: ur ass looks great in those jeans btw

You: reveal yourself  

He doesn’t respond and you continue to wander around, until you reach a short hallway separating the kitchen area from the previous room. With more room to breathe, you decide to stay put knowing Jungkook won’t keep this up for long anyway. And you’re right.

"Looking for me?" His hot breath tickles your ear.

Spinning around, you're greeted by his wide grin and immediately hate how good he looks in a simple white tee with his house name, Kappa Sigma embedded on the left chest, and tucked into black jeans, "Hey you." He tastes like fruit punch when you kiss him.

Your bodies sway slightly to the music with his hands on your hips and your arms around his neck. He reaches behind, pulling something out of his back pocket and holds it up in front of you. “Lollipop?”

“It’s...purple.” You take it from him, observing its odd colour, wondering if this was even necessary.

“I know.” He chuckles. “They really go all out.”

You shrug, unwrapping the sweet and pop it in your mouth. “So, you wanna get out of here?” He asks.

“But I thought you liked parties,” you blink, “socialising, hooking up.”

“I know you’re making fun of me but it’s kinda hot when you talk like that.” He eyes the way your lips wrap around the lollipop, unconsciously mirroring the movement of your tongue licking the layer of sugar off your lips, suddenly going thirsty.

You shove him in the chest and he laughs, stepping back. “I’ve been here less than an hour.” You say. Although, it’s not like you were planning to stay long anyway. You know that, he knows that.

“You won’t miss a thing, trust me.” He hooks an arm over your shoulder. “Besides, we can get started on the hooking up part.” He winks.

You leave through the back, avoiding the large crowd up front. You quickly send a text to Hana to let her know you’re leaving. Out on the lawn, you walk past a group of guys drunkenly singing to their heart's content and you flash them a thumbs up despite how horrible they sound.

The Eta Iota house is just a few houses down from the boys’ and you walk back hand in hand, swinging your arms as you go. Jungkook watches your smile, and the way you laugh when your arms swing so far back that it throws you off balance and you almost fall. “You look good.” He says, softly.

“I know, you told me.” You say without sparing him a glance. “I look good in pink. And these jeans are good for my ass.”

“No.” His voice is as soft as his smile. Looking at him then, you notice the tender look in his eyes. “I mean you look good when you’re happy. It’s nice. Does that make sense? I don’t know.”

Your heart leaps at the way he looks away almost shyly, focusing entirely on the ground as he walks, his other hand in his pocket. You close the gap between you and kiss him on the cheek. “I’m always happy when I’m with you.”

“I’m happy when I’m with you too.”

The rest of the short walk back goes in comfortable silence, you still lightly swinging your arms. But as you reach the front of the house, Jungkook pauses. It surprises you when he decides to take a walk in the park instead. You give him curious glances along the way, wondering what’s gotten into him. It’s a ten minute walk from his place to a park that’s your go-to for impromptu date nights.

You walk past groups of people hanging around, laughing with food on large picnic mats. Finally you opt for an empty space on the grass, not too far away from others there but secluded enough to have some privacy.

“Oh my god, look at the clouds.” They’re big and fluffy, floating through the dark sky. “I wish we could see the stars. That’d be perfect.”

Jungkook follows your gaze. “There are places where you can do that you know.”

“Yeah, I’d love to go one day.” You say with a heavy sigh.

“We could go together.” Jungkook says, making you look at him. “Like a vacation.”

“Aw. I’d love that.”

He smiles sweetly, then turns in place to face you. “I went to look for places which were hiring earlier.”

“You did? Why?”

“Aren’t you...quitting your job?” He looks at you confused. “Unless you’ve changed your mind.”

“Yeah but, there’s no rush.”

“Just wanna make sure you have something to fall back on.” He says, checking his phone. “So, the bakery right next to the cafe is hiring.”

“Jungkook,” you laugh, “I can’t quit and then take up a job next door!”

“I know but, just in case.” He goes on, looking upwards as he recalls. “The school’s also looking for a part-time librarian⎼”

“Baby no, that’s so boring.” You groan. “I thought I’d look for something more...exciting. Like a routesetter maybe?”

“I didn’t know you rock climb?”

“Oh I don’t.” He looks at you with a blank expression on his face. “What? I can learn to!”

"You're weird." He shakes his head and taps your nose. "Why would you wanna go out of your way for a part time job?"

"Cause...it's fun?"

"Even you don't believe that."

"You're right." The wheels in your head turn at full speed, trying to make this as natural as possible. You have to be careful, Jungkook's way too attentive when it comes to you. "Okay, I'll be honest."

He perks up. Face filled with curiosity, as if ready to say I knew it, that something was up, and that you wouldn't leave your job over nothing.

"I'm quitting because…" You gulp. "I want to spend more time with you."

"What?"

"Don't be mad." You add in quickly. "I just thought that I'd get to have more time to spare for you if I wasn't always working."

Eyes closed, he lets out a sigh and drops his head with a little shake. The small smile and amused look in his eyes makes you smile too. “Are you serious? Are you running a fever?” He places the back of his palm against your forehead and then checks the pulse on your wrist.

“I’m fine.” You snatch your hand back.

“The Y/N I know wouldn’t make impulsive decisions like this.” He quirks a brow, “You know you need that job. How else will you pay rent? Get groceries? You don’t ever let me pay for anything.”

“I’ll find a job with less hours.”

“Less hours, less pay.” He lifts your chin up, pouty lips calling him in. “Don’t be silly baby, you’re not leaving your job.”

“Too late.”

“What d’you mean?”

“I...may have...emailed my resignation...earlier on.”

He groans and you cringe when he shoots you a look of disapproval. You give your best kicked puppy look which doesn’t work. “This doesn’t happen often but I’m really mad at you right now.”

“Don’t be.” You scoot closer and when he turns his head away, you move onto his lap, forcing him in an embrace. “I’ll find something.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Go back to work tomorrow and speak to your manager. Tell him you’ve changed your mind.” He asks seriously. “I’ll go and have coffee during every one of your shifts so we’re technically spending time together.”

“Don’t be silly.”

“I’m the silly one?”

“Okay fine, I’m sorry.” You sigh. “I didn’t think things through…”

“You’re damn right you didn’t.” He rests his head in his palm. “So, what are you gonna do now?”

“Spend more time with you?” You inch even closer, if it’s even possible with how you’re already sticking to him like glue. He doesn’t reply right away but squeezes you in his hold, resting his cheek on your head. “Are you still angry?”

“Yes.”

You lift your head off him for a kiss. When he sighs this time, he feels the anger dissipating. At the same time he curses the way his body betrays him when it comes to you. You can barely tell he’s upset with the way he responds so eagerly. The pleased look you give him after has him rolling his eyes. “You can’t be mad at me. I’m cute.”

“True.” He leans back, hands on the grass behind him. “But, we are going to look for job postings online tonight.”

“But mom!” You whine, folding your arms in front of you.

“No buts.”

“Not even my butt?” Blinking innocently at him, you add in a little head tilt until he breaks and starts grinning. “Thought you liked my butt.”

He falls onto the grass, laughing in disbelief and you steady yourself on his chest. “What has gotten into you?” He says, watching as you hover over him. “You’re acting so weird.”

“No I’m not. I’m just happy, like you said.” You kiss him on the nose. “You’re the weird one. Nagging at me about getting a job. Being a responsible adult and stuff.”

He flips over, switching your positions so that he’s hovering over you now. Almost immediately, you’re distracted by how dreamy he looks with the view of the night sky behind him. You run your thumb over one side of his cheek. “You did this to me. Plus I’m just looking out for you.”

“I know. Thank you.”

“Don’t worry. I can pull some strings and get you a job somewhere fun.”

He rolls over to your side and lets you rest your head under his arm, both of you watching the sky. You shift even closer, slinging one leg over his and draw circles on his chest. “Hey I mean, worse comes to worst, I could always come and work for you.”

Surprisingly, he laughs. Really hard. You lift yourself up and rest on your elbow to watch him. “Nice one.” He sighs. Then he notices the way you’re looking at him, face void of expression and brows up in question. “What? You were serious?”

“Slightly offended that you thought it was that funny but yes, I was.”

He raises a brow at you. “You? Want to work at a club? Doing what?”

“Bartender? Cleaner?”

“Don’t even joke about that, our cleaners are our most valuable staff. They clean, sanitise, then double sanitise, wipe up vomit, make sure the booths aren’t lined with nasty fluids.”

Your face twists in horror and he nods, proving his point. “Okay...fine so I’m not qualified enough for that. But bartending? I can do that.”

“No.”

“Why?”

He gets up and you follow. He ruffles the back of his head and dusts of the grains on his hands. “Baby, you’re not working there. I won’t allow it.”

“But𝄖”

“Y/N, I said no.” There was no room to argue, not even cheekily. He didn't raise his voice, but the tone he took was enough. Easing the firm stare he gave you as he said it, he turns his attention to his phone as it beeps.

𝄖𝄖

"Lucky for you, I told the manager you just needed a break to focus on school," Hana yawns, pulling up the blanket to her face, "you can come back anytime."

"You want me to give up?"

"Only because your plan is dangerous."

"Hana, I'm not giving up."

She sighs, turning over to the other side. “Let’s talk tomorrow. I’m tired.”

You push yourself off her bed and sit on the edge, thinking. Quietly, you pull open the drawer by her bed, fumbling around until you feel what you’re looking for. The little paper you tore out of Jungkook’s notebook. When he started sleeping over, you had asked Hana to keep it safe for you. You stare at the address. You hadn’t gotten round to visiting the place, especially since you don’t even know what you’re looking for.

“Turn off the light when you leave, will you?” Hana mumbles half-asleep.

You leave the piece of paper and close the drawer.

𝄖𝄖

Two days later, you’re back at his place. The guys are all over, making sure the house is ready for a party tonight. Each of them were assigned different tasks to settle to save time. When you arrived, Hoseok made sure to separate Jungkook from you, for the sake of efficiency, so you’re stuck in the kitchen with Jimin. Helping him with the cleaning, you listen mindlessly as he rambles on about something. He yells at every guy that enters and tries to steal some snacks but sneaks some into his mouth when no one’s looking.

Just as you’re done wiping down the chip bowls, Jungkook walks in with dark stains all over his shirt and face. He chugs down half a bottle of orange juice from the fridge before opening a bag of gummies placed on the table for the party which has Jimin groaning.

“What happened to you?”

“Car oil needed changing. Cleaned up under the hood too.”

“What?” Jimin shrieks. “You were working on your car this entire time?”

“Yeah?”

“While the rest of us were preparing for the party? Unbelievable!” He huffs, “You were supposed to fix the first floor bathroom⎼”

Jungkook signals for him to stop, holding up a palm. “Fine, I’ll go do it now.” He reaches out for your hand and continues to nod at everything Jimin says as he tags you along, the nagging fading away as you run upstairs.

“You should really go and help out.” You say, plopping down on his bed with a bounce.

Jungkook hums, “I will. Later.”

Sniffing the shirt he has on, he lets out a disapproving grunt. He removes it in one swoop and tosses it into a basket. You watch quietly as he steps closer, eyes fixed on yours. He leans forward and your hands grip the sheets as you lean back, looking at him expectantly. Then his arm moves past your head and reaches for another shirt on the bed, behind you. He snickers and you slap his shoulder.

“I’m leaving.”

“Aw, come on, don’t go.” He jumps into bed and grabs you. He leans on his side, propped up on his elbow, hand on your middle.

“I have to get some groceries.” You play with his hair. “Then I’m gonna freshen up and come back here in time for the party.”

“Great, I’ll drive you.”

“No, you stay. Fix the bathroom.”

“But I don’t want to.” He groans, and rolls over onto you. Almost naturally, your legs wrap around him and he starts kissing your neck, moving down to your chest, pulling down your shirt. You stop him, giggling. “Why do you always wanna leave when we kiss?” He frowns.

“Why do you always kiss me when I’m leaving?”

“‘Cause I don’t want you to leave."

The smell of your skin makes him smile. It smells like...home.

You feel his weight slowly get heavier on you as his body relaxes and melts into yours, nestling his face into your neck. He almost drifts to sleep with the way you’re rubbing his back. When you ruffle his hair, he lifts his head and claims a kiss. “I love you.”

“Love you too. Kookie.”

You giggle as he drops his face in the space between your neck and shoulder. Groaning, he recalls the night Suga found out about the nickname. He has since, constantly used it on Jungkook whenever he can. “He’s never letting that go. Thanks a lot.”

“I’m sorry.” You laugh, chest moving under him. “I was drunk. I didn’t know what I was saying.”

Supporting his weight on one arm, he hovers above you while his free hand brushes past the side of your face. “You don’t remember anything you said that night?”

“No.” That can’t be good. You scan his face. “Why? Did I say something weird?”

“No. Just wondering.” He says gently, expression slowly changing into a smile that makes you forget you were even worried a second ago. “Don’t get drunk anymore. Suga likes you way too much when you’re drunk.”

“Does he?” You laugh, cupping his face. If Suga likes you, you can use this to your advantage. You can’t wait to tell Hana your plan worked.

When Jungkook hears the sound of his name being called from somewhere around the house, he groans and sinks into you again. You push him off you with much difficulty, laughing as he keeps plopping back down into you.

“Okay, they need you. I’m leaving so you can focus. I’ll come back later.” You say, when you finally manage to escape. Reluctantly, he follows behind as you walk down the stairs.

Just as you reach the bottom of the steps, you’re being pulled to the side, against the wall where he corners you into, hands on either side. “I’ll be waiting, so you better show up.” Down your back, up your front, his hands run over your body till they rest just under your jaw, making you lift your chin towards him. Breath hitching in your throat, he carefully brings his lips to yours, teasing a soft touch. Then he lets go.

He smiles like nothing happened and you catch your breath before racing to the front door. You hear a soft chuckle and turn to see him winking at you as he goes in the other direction. Hearing voices from the kitchen where the meeting has started, you quickly close the door behind you, ignoring the pulsing between your thighs.

𝄖𝄖

With a basketful of groceries, you stroll through the store, looking for anything you might have missed out. As you walk, you notice from afar, standing right in front of the refrigerated section your new friend Namjoon. You head straight for him, a little bounce in your step. When you stop right next to him, he turns slowly and carefully.

“Oh. It’s you.” He says as he realises.

“Getting some groceries?” You ask, looking at the shelf then back at him.

“Oh just,” he lifts up a bottle of juice, “getting my orange juice. I see you’re getting your monthly supply. You alone?”

“Yeah I am.” You nod, “My roommate’s busy with school stuff.”

“Right.” He smiles, then it seems like a thought comes to him. “Hey, you’re going for the party tonight right?”

“What? How’d you know about that?” You look at him confused.

“I have friends too you know.”

“But, you can’t come. You’re technically faculty.” You say, putting down your basket to fold your arms in front of you and stare him down. “Are you trying to get us in trouble?”

He chuckles, then points and holds up a finger in front of you. “Actually, I’m an external instructor. So technically, I’m not faculty.”

“How convenient.” You eye him down.

“Fine, fine.” He sighs. “It’s been a while since I’ve been to a party, okay? I just wanna mingle.”

“Hm.” You chew on your bottom lip. Seems genuine enough. You can’t help but wonder if he’s there for something else. How will that go down with Jungkook? “An instructor looking to mingle with his students...definitely no red flags there.”

He rolls his eyes at you. “Come on, I’m not that much older than you. And I’m not that kinda person.”

“That’s what they all say.” You shrug. “Well, I’ll be keeping an eye on you.”

“Cool.” He winks. “I’ll see you tonight.”

He walks off way too quickly, like he’s avoiding something and heads straight for the checkout counter. Of course you know why he’d go to a college party; the perfect place to sell his drugs. You can’t figure out if you should let Jungkook know about Namjoon. But then again, he almost always knows what’s going on. And he’d be uneasy knowing you know so much.

You pick up your basket off the floor and head for checkout yourself. Barely making ten steps, you notice someone leaning against the side of a shelf, watching you with his arms crossed, mischievous smile on his face. Your other new friend. How coincidental.

“Suga.” You say, a tone way too excited for his liking but he nods anyway. You walk over to him and stand awkwardly before him, holding your basket with both hands in front of you. “Hi.”

“Hey cutie.” He searches for someone behind you. “Where’s Jungkook?”

“Oh he’s back at home.” You smile. “They’re getting ready for rush week. And the party tonight.”

“Am I invited?”

“Oh, um…” You can tell he’s joking, but you can’t be too sure. How interesting would it be to have Jungkook, Namjoon and Suga in one place. You wonder what would happen if they met.

You chuckle nervously without giving an answer and he shrugs it off. “I was kidding.”

“I guess you can come if you want to.” You say with a tiny shrug. “I’m sure Jungkook won’t mind.”

He changes the subject almost immediately, offering to help you carry your basket, which you politely decline. He walks with you to the counter. “So who was that guy you were talking to?”

Oh, he’s an instructor from school and also the new drug dealer in town. “Oh him? He’s the new self-defense instructor on campus.”

“Really?” He looks amused, and bites his bottom lip in a half-smile. “Cool. And you guys are friends?”

“Yeah. Kinda.” You place your basket on the counter and help the cashier to unload the items to scan. You don’t notice the way Suga laughs silently to himself, shaking his head.

“You know what, I gotta go.” Suga says, walking backwards towards the exit. You don’t even manage to reply to him before he takes off. “Let’s drink again sometime soon!”

𝄖𝄖

Hana is less than pleased to know about your run-ins. She looks at you with daggers in her eyes. “You have to stop this. He obviously knows your plan."

"Stop overreacting. How could he possibly know that?"

She shrugs. The loud music drowns out your voices from being overheard by those around you. "It's hard to believe it was a coincidence running into him.” She says and you sigh, choosing to ignore her.

The last you saw Jungkook, he was laughing away with a group of people. You didn’t want to bother him, he’d be busy anyway trying to get freshies on his side. But it’s been a while and now you don’t see him anywhere.

While Hana mingles, you go off to look for him. In the kitchen, you find Jimin doing shots of something that doesn’t look edible with a bunch of guys cheering him on. But no Jungkook. You peek out on the deck out back but he’s not there either. A hand on the sliding doors, you sigh and step out into the courtyard, breathing in air that doesn’t smell like sweat.

You pause when you step down the stairs and spot something, squinting at the sight of two guys in the far end of the backyard, right by the bush-lined fence. Recognising that jacket, you realise one of them is Jungkook. He then pulls something out of his pocket and shakes hands with the other guy. You turn back before he spots you. Probably just a polite handshake. Maybe with an old friend. Yup.

Step back inside, you’re being stopped by a hand on your arm. “You look flustered.” He says.

“Hi Hoseok.” You force a smile. “It’s warm in here.”

His eyes flicker over to the backyard and back at you. “This is what he does at parties. It’s how he distributes them.”

“So?” You look around uncomfortably.

“I know you don’t like it either.” He stops you before you can reply. “Can you meet me outside in ten minutes? It’s important.”

“You’re already here, what is it? No one’s paying any attention to us anyway.”

“I can’t.”

The sceptical look you give him has him feeling restless. “Trust me, it’s very important.”

From the tone of his voice, he sounds sincere. You don’t want to, but do you want to risk not knowing something that could help you help Jungkook? You hate this. After a long pause, you nod reluctantly. “Fine.”

Neither of you realised the two figures approaching until they’re walking up the steps. Hoseok and you share a look, as if pleading to the other to act normal. As they reach the door, you see now that Jae is the other guy. He greets you as he walks past, then blends into the crowd. Behind him, Jungkook spares you a curious look at the little exchange. He then notices Hoseok’s presence.

“What’s going on?” He looks back and forth at the two of you. “You look upset.”

“Hm? Oh no, I’m fine.” You muster up your best smile. “We were just talking about the guy who puked in the sink earlier.”

“Speaking of which, I should go make sure he’s not puking elsewhere.” Hoseok says, taking his leave.

You can’t tell if Jungkook bought that but he doesn’t question it. His demeanour changes as soon as Hoseok leaves, directing his attention on you. “He wasn’t bothering you, was he?”

“No.” You smile. “I ran into him while looking for some food.”

“Oh⎼”

He doesn’t get a chance to continue when someone he knows slaps him on the back. They chat for a while as he keeps you close next to him, even when you try to pry his fingers off. The other guy drags him somewhere but before he goes, he turns to you. “Grab some food and meet me upstairs, I’ll just be a second.” He winks, stealing a kiss.

“You don’t have to. I’ll just come find you later on it’s fine𝄖”

“You’re not getting rid of me babe.” He jokes and you let out an awkward laugh as he goes.

You haven’t mastered being in two places at once, you’re not a ninja. And in a few minutes, Hoseok will be waiting for you outside. And Jungkook upstairs. You groan, searching the cabinets for some snacks before heading up to Jungkook’s room.

That’s when you notice a familiar blond head among the crowd you. It distracts you. You could’ve sworn that was Suga. But too many people are blocking your line of sight. As you reach the spot you had possibly seen him, he’s gone. You don’t have time to think about this. Swiftly, you run up the steps and head right for Jungkook’s door. And of course, a familiar face exits the washroom on the same floor.

“Namjoon.”

“Why do you look so surprised to see me?” He raises a brow with a playful smile on his face. “I told you I was coming.

You shake your head and look behind you. “Nothing I was just⎼”

“Hogging all the snacks?” He gestures towards the food you’re cradling in your arms and you laugh.

“There’s more downstairs.” You reassure him.

As if on cue, footsteps move swiftly up the stairs and you glance behind to find Jungkook halfway up, a cautious look on his face as he approaches you. Namjoon nods politely. For a moment it’s like you can no longer hear the music blasting, enveloped by the awkward silence.

“Uh, Jungkook this is Namjoon.” You notice the way his jaw clenches as he takes Namjoon’s outstretched hand in his. “And this is Jungkook.”

“The boyfriend. Nice to meet you.” He flashes a blinding smile Jungkook’s way.

“Likewise.”

Namjoon reads the room well and you’re thankful for it. He excuses himself, saving you from having to grease the conversation any further. “See you guys around.” He says, leaving.

Jungkook opens the door for you and you drop the snacks on his table. His fingers immediately wrap around you, lifting you up and throwing you onto the bed. “Finally." He mutters pulling you in.

You giggle nervously as he kisses you all over, pulling away from him. He shoots you a confused look. "Wait I...need the toilet."

He throws his head back but moves aside to let you go. "Okay. I'll wait."

Hurrying out, you close the door and run downstairs, rushing past the sea of bodies to the front door. Once outside, you look around scanning the few faces there for him. Hoseok stands around the corner at the side of the house and calls out your name.

The front and back of the house is well lit, but not the sides. Both of you stand in the shadows by the wall, waiting for him to speak. But he doesn't, instead, he looks around anxiously.

"Hoseok, what is it? You said this is important!" You hiss. "I can't be too long, Jungkook's waiting for me."

"Just give him a second, he'll be here."

"Who?"

"He's here." His eyes focus on a man wearing a navy sweatshirt, hoodie pulled up so you can't really see who it is. He only pulls it down when he joins you in the shadows.

"Hi."

"Y/N, this is Seokjin. He works with my friend."

"Oh. Hello." You watch him curiously. If you could describe a smile as being trustworthy, it would be his.

"Thanks for meeting me," he starts, "I’ll make it quick. It's about a case I'm sure the two of you are familiar with. Actually, I'm here to speak to you, Y/N."

"Me?" You ask, worrying.

"As you know we have an agent working undercover. He's seen you around and since you know about this operation, he’s worried you might get too close, given your relationship with one of the suspects involved. We want to make sure you stay out of it as much as possible."

"But I'm not doing anything to jeopardise the operation."

"We know." He nods, "But still, we have to emphasise that these people are dangerous. You do not want to get involved. You shouldn’t know about this operation in the first place, but nothing we can do about that now.”

Hoseok’s eyes downcast and hands hide in his pockets, knowing he wasn’t supposed to reveal anything to you. “He’s okay right?” He asks softly.

“He’s fine. He personally contacted me to speak with you. And he’s sorry he hasn’t answered his phone, it’s too risky.”

“Who’s this guy again? Do I know him?” You ask.

“You already know too much as it is. I can’t reveal the name of our agent. We can’t risk him getting exposed, it could cost him his life.”

Silence ensues. It’s uncomfortable to think about how someone could literally die from an unfortunate slip of the tongue. You wait for someone to diffuse the tension. Hoseok looks like he’s in thought, opening his mouth to speak then stopping. Seokjin beats him to it. “In case it’s not clear enough, your plan ends here Y/N.”

How does he⎼ oh. So that’s why Hoseok looks troubled. You stare him down and mutter through clenched teeth. “You told him.”  

“I didn’t mean to!” He spits out. “When Seokjin called me earlier, I got reminded of you. I had to tell him. And I know you wouldn’t listen to me anyway, so I got him to come here.”

“Listen. I just want to help Jungkook, that’s all.” You sigh. “I promise I won’t get in the way.”

“I get it. Hoseok’s explained it to me.” It’s Seokjin’s turn to sigh. “Doesn’t matter what your intentions are, it’s best if you stay away.”

You look helplessly over at Hoseok, then reluctantly agree with a nod. “I’ll try.”

“No, you see, this isn’t a request. It’s an order. There is a chance you’ll get convicted as part of the group if you don’t keep your distance. Is that what you want?”

“No. But𝄖”

“Good, so we’re on the same page.”

“No, we’re not.” Huffing, you step closer to him. “I’m not doing this for fun. I’m trying to get my boyfriend out of there.”

“I understand. But there’s no telling what could happen. Let us handle it. If he’s innocent, then you don’t have anything to worry about. The most important thing here is that you don’t end up getting caught up in the mess. Do you really want to be associated with criminals?”

“Jungkook’s not a criminal.”

Seokjin holds up his hands in a surrender. “That’s not what I meant.”

Hoseok gulps, gently touching your arm. “Y/N please. Let them handle it.”

“I am letting them handle it.” You say stubbornly before turning back to Seokjin. “Look, I’m just here for Jungkook. Tell that to your guy. I won’t stand in the way of the operation.”

“You do know that this is all off the record?” Seokjin starts, “That means even though our undercover, as well as I, am aware that you’re not involved, if by any chance you’re caught with drugs or anything illegal at the time of the raid, you might get convicted. There will be no records to show that you’re innocent.”

“I understand.”

“Alright.” Seokjin pulls his hoodie back up. Now you can only faintly see the bottom half of his face. “Take care. Remember, no one else can know about this.”

He takes off in quick steps, round the corner and down the street. Hoseok fidgets in his spot, trying to find the right words. “I didn’t make him do this to scare you or anything. Promise.”

“I know, Hoseok.” You smile softly. “But you get it right? Why I’m doing this?”

“Yeah...” he trails off for a moment, then continues. “You saw him earlier didn’t you?”

“I did.” You shake your head with a sigh, “Trust me okay? I’m doing everything I can to help Jungkook, like you wanted me to.”

“I never wanted this. I don’t want you to get hurt if things don’t go as planned.”

“Whatever happens after, I’ll deal with it then.”

𝄖𝄖

Feeling numb, the walk back upstairs feels like you’re on autopilot, barely hearing the buzzing of the crowd. You take a deep breath before turning the knob of Jungkook’s door, willing yourself to forget the last ten minutes ever happened. He’d read you like a book in this state.

But your bright smile is wasted on an empty room.

“Jungkook?”

𝄖𝄖

The next day, you're sitting on the running track, soaked in sweat after a long session of track and field. The coach bids his goodbye as the team continues their cooling down stretches. Hana plops down next to you. “So?”

“What?”

“You wanna talk about it?” She asks, picking dirt off of your cheek with her thumb. “You seemed really out of it last night. Barely spoke the whole day today…”

“I’m sorry.” You shake your head. “Just thinking.”

You decided not to tell her about Seokjin and everything that was said last night. For now at least. She already has reservations about your plan as it is, telling her about Seokjin would just freak her out even more.

“Jungkook called you yet?”

“Mhm.” Technically it was a text, wishing you good morning with a kissy face emoji. Not wanting to make a big deal out of the night before, you reply as you normally would. “Don’t worry about me, I’m just tired actually.”

She hangs an arm over your shoulder and gives you a side hug. “No more parties for you.”

“Yeah they’re kinda lame aren’t they?” You laugh.

After grabbing your stuff, you’re headed for the locker room. You're too deep in thought to realise the girls on your team giggling around you. It isn't until Hana nudges you then nods to bleachers that you realise your boyfriend is waiting for you. He salutes the other ladies with a winning smile as they walk off, before getting off his butt.

The girls mutter quietly, and you hear the words lucky and they're so cute as they leave you. Hana waves to Jungkook before walking ahead. Jungkook trots down the steps and lifts you in a hug.

“Sorry, I’m sweaty.”

“That’s okay,” he smiles, swaying you side to side, “not the first time I have you all sweaty in my arms.”

“Shut up.”

He laughs, then starts swinging your hands as you walk back. “Hey sorry about last night."

"Oh it’s fine. Don't worry about it." You say, with a shake of your head, looking at the ground. "You're a busy man, I know."

"Can I make it up to you? Tonight?"

"Alright." You nod. "I gotta shower first though. And you have to give me a ride back to get some fresh clothes."

"No need to dress up."

"But I want to." You pout and he chuckles.

The sound of whistling and yelling coming from the field gets your attention. It's the soccer team, practice still ongoing. It only just occurred to you that you haven't seen Jungkook there in a while.

"Why aren't you practicing with them anymore? Did you quit?"

Jungkook looks at you with an amused look on his face. "Y/N, I was never part of the team."

"Huh?" You stop in your tracks. "I'm pretty sure I've seen you on that field running after the ball."

"Yeah but I was never really on the team." He reiterates. Now you're confused. "I only practiced with them so I could watch you during track and field."

"What?"

"Have you forgotten? I'm on the basketball team."

Honestly, you hadn’t made the connection that it’s impossible for him to be on both the soccer and basketball teams until now. "No wait, you joined them just to watch me?"

"Yes and no?" He shrugs proudly. "At first it was because I got kicked off the basketball team. Then we started dating. I got to see you every practice. Then I got reinstated on the basketball team. And I didn't wanna stop seeing you during practice so I kept going. Until now."

"Jungkook that is𝄖"

"Sweet?"

"Lowkey creepy."

He lets out a tiny gasp with a look of betrayal on his face. "But...I wanted to see you."

You laugh at the utter disappointment he shows and pat his face, though it feels like a light slap, before running off making him chase after you.

𝄖𝄖

Laying on the hood of his car, with his arm under your neck, Jungkook listens to you talk about anything and everything. In your favourite spot, parked by the beach so you get the cool breeze and the gentle sound of waves crashing onto the shore.

He enjoys listening to you talk about your life; what your childhood was like, what kind of trouble you used to get into, your family. It’s like peeling off a new layer every time. Who knew you used to bully the bully as a kid? And let’s not forget that time you got detention for smoking in school but you only did it to get your dad’s attention so that he would stop dating the evil girlfriend who threatened to send you off to boarding school.

“Baby are you...a troublemaker?” He muses and you laugh.

“Well I was. I grew out of it.” You shrug and look up at him. “Kinda.”

“Would’ve never guessed. You’re so shy. And good.”

“Yeah. Once I realised how my behaviour was affecting people’s liking towards me, I changed.”

He smiles tenderly at you, always so full of surprises. You play with the hem of his sweater, then look up at him. “What about you? You haven’t told me anything about your past.”

Not once has he shared his own stories. You never asked because you didn’t want to pressure him. But you’re almost out of stories yourself.

Jungkook looks up at the sky for a while. You sense the hesitance. “There’s nothing much to say.”

“What about...your family? Do you have any siblings?”

There’s no reply, only the sound of the waves crashing and a distant laughter from a group of friends on the beach. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay.” Propping yourself up on your elbow, you see now the faint sparkle in his eyes. Could be the cool breeze making his eyes water. He blinks it away when you stare. “We can talk about other things.”

He smiles as his eyes scan your face before you’re snuggling into his side again. “I like hearing your stories.”

“But I’ve told you everything.”

“What about your first kiss?”

You groan. “I’ve told you that one. It was during camp. He pushed me into the lake after that because it was all a dare.”

“Oh right and then you threw all his clothes into the lake as revenge.”

“Yeah.” You laugh. “It was pretty funny.”

He laughs thinking about tiny Y/N lugging a big bag full of clothes and dumping it into a lake as the owner yells in horror. Who knew you had it in you. You’re always so calm and by the book, it’s almost like a whole other person.

“Can you tell me about your tattoo?” You look up at him.

He smirks, turning his head to the side towards the arm it’s on. It’s a tiger head on the upper bicep of his right arm. Made up of shapes, lines, squiggles, it has sharp piercing eyes. It’s beautiful, really. “It’s just something to represent my loyalty towards my brothers.”  

You’ve never seen this mark on the other frat boys, so you assume he’s talking about his other group of brothers. “It’s nice. I like it.”

“Mhm.” It’s tough to crack him. He never reveals more than what he thinks you need to know.

After a while, you pluck up the courage to ask him about the job. “Have you thought about what we discussed?” You ask softly, playing with his fingers.

“What did we discuss?”

“About the job,” you remove yourself from him again and this time get on your knees, “about me working at the club?”

He sighs, looking at you like the stubborn teenager in your stories. “I already told you no.”

“You won’t even consider it.” You pout.

He smiles, surprisingly. “After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that you’ve been rejected. You don't have what it takes.”

“Rude!” You huff, “I have all that it takes.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes I do! I’m tough.” You spit out. You strike an awkward pose, doing something weird with your arms. “I have swag.”

It makes him laugh so hard he starts tearing and almost choke on his saliva. Embarrassed, you laugh along, hitting him on his chest. Cheeks hurting from all that, he opens his arms. “Come here you.”

You drop into him, mostly to hide your face in his shoulder. He holds you tight, a content sigh escapes him as he does. “I love you so much.” He says into your ear.

Lifting your head up to face him, he smiles tenderly at you, softly tracing a finger over your face, the lulling movement making your eyes flutter shut.

𝄖𝄖

“You got a problem with me?” Namjoon says to the smaller guy.

Suga smirks bitterly, unimpressed by how the new guy has no respect whatsoever towards him. “I do actually. What’s your deal?”

“What d’you mean?”

“You appear out nowhere, get dispatched to our district. Same area as Jungkook no less...are you trying to replace us?”

“Hey, I didn’t choose the location.” Namjoon shrugs. “Maybe if you guys didn’t suck so bad they wouldn’t have asked me to secure the bags.”

He braces himself as Suga lunges forward, shoving him against the wall, his collar bunched up in clenched fists. Surprisingly strong for a small dude. “You don’t come work for us and talk shit about us to my face.”

Namjoon tugs on his clothes, pulling them out of Suga’s grip. He clears his throat and tries to calm himself. “My bad. Next time I’ll do it behind your back.”

“What are you up to? You took a job on campus, why? Jungkook’s already got that covered.”

“Like I said, I didn’t choose to. I was sent there.” He steps forward, making Suga take a few steps back.

“Liar.”

“Look if you have a problem with it, take it up with the lieutenant.” Namjoon walks off, angering the other guy even more. The nerve of this new kid makes his blood boil. There’s something off about him, there’s no way the bosses would send a new guy in for no reason.

He stomps his way into Kyun’s office, slamming the door behind him. Kyun looks up, sees him, and goes back to his laptop. “What?”

“Don’t you think there’s something wrong with that RM guy?” Suga says, pulling up a chair.

“No. Why?”

“He’s so full of himself.”

“Name one person working here that isn’t,” Kyun says, “besides, you should be thankful I assigned him to you. Jungkook’s been slacking.”

“I told you, the school’s keeping an eye on him. He’s taking it slow.”

Suga can’t remember how many times he’s used that excuse. He can’t come right out and admit that Jungkook has in fact been slacking. Or rather, distracted. Not to mention the time Jungkook considered leaving all of this behind. It’s no surprise the lieutenant’s picked up on it.

“Whatever.” Kyun mutters, obviously tired of having this conversation.

“Wait,” the wheels in Suga’s head turn and he looks curiously at his lieutenant, “you’re not doubting Jungkook are you? Did you send RM in to replace him?”

“If Jungkook’s doing a good job like you seem to think he is, why would you be worried about this?”

Suga purses his lips, “He’s fine. He hasn’t missed any of his shifts. I couldn’t have gotten shit done at the club without him.”

“Numbers are still low though.”

“That’s because you’ve got the new kid stealing all his buyers.”

“RM’s good and the staff there seem to trust him. He stays.”

“Fine. Then get off Jungkook’s back about his numbers. He can’t sell drugs the same as before if you have another dealer there competing with him.”

Kyun thinks about it for a minute, then nods. “Alright fine. Anyway, it’s good that you’re here now. I can run through what boss wants you to get up and running at the club.”

It hits Suga that Kyun having doubts about Jungkook is bad news, at least, if word travels up the hierarchy. While Jungkook had promised to keep up, Suga intends to make sure he actually does. He can’t afford anymore slip-ups. Or distractions, in the form of you. He can’t let anything happen to Jungkook.

𝄖𝄖

Sneaking back into the house at such an ungodly hour, you guide Jungkook in the dark, careful not to make a sound.

Back in your room, his jacket and shirt are the first to go. He lifts you up and carries you to the bed, lips not parting from each other.

Slipping under your shirt, he unhooks your bra and pulls your shirt with it over your head. Lips smiling on yours, his hands knead your breasts and you feel your nerves reacting. He trails wet kisses down your front, fingers undoing your jeans and pulling them off in a single swoop.

He removes his own pair of jeans, leaving him in his boxers. Then, kneeling by your legs, he gently peels your panties off, taking in the view of your naked body, lighted up by the warm yellow of your nightlight. If he could, he’d engrave this image of you in his head.

His eyes wide and lustful, they trail over you. “You’re so beautiful.” He whispers.

Hovering above you, he strokes the side of your face, before pressing his body to yours in a soft gentle kiss. He moves so gently, like you could break at any moment. When your hands wrap around his neck, he grabs hold of your wrists, pinning them above your head. You let out a soft whimper.

Jungkook takes his time, showering your skin with kisses. Starting from your neck down to your navel. He licks one side of your breast, teasingly drawing circles with his tongue along the nipple, then gives the same attention to the other. Your breathing gets hitched in your throat, feeling the blood rush down south.

He brings his mouth lower, hands now occupying your breasts where his mouth was. It sends you butterflies the way his hot breath brushes against your skin. There’s something different about the way he’s touching you tonight.

He spares some kisses down your inner thighs and watches the way goosebumps appear as they try to clam up reflexively.

Hands on your thighs, he pushes them apart and runs a teasing lick over your folds. Then his tongue finds its way to your clit, flicking it gently before his lips wrap around it and he starts gently sucking. You jolt and take in a sharp breath grabbing a fishful of the sheets.

His fingers delicately touch your folds, running a teasing finger over your entrance. Looking up from between your thighs, he watches the way you steady your breaths, eyes closed, brows furrowed.

It doesn’t last long and when you open your eyes, he’s hovering over you, licking his lips. Very eagerly you pull down the hem of his boxers, exposing his hard cock. His own fingers wrap around it, stroking himself gently as he reaches for a bottle of lube. He stares at you with a look you can’t read.

“Something on your mind?” You voice out.

He shakes his head with a gentle smile and takes his position between your legs, your thighs over his. Aligning himself with your entrance, he grips your ankles on either side. Slowly, he enters and you will yourself not to make a sound at the initial stretch.

Jungkook keeps a steady pace, watching intently the way he moves in and out of you. You can’t help but to stare at him and the way his abs clench every time he moves his hips into you. The flexing of his arms every now and then, keeping your legs steady. And the way the warm light casts shadows dancing over his body as he moves.

“Jungkook.” You call out for him, so softly.

He releases your ankles and leans forward, resting his body on yours. Pressing his forehead to you, he admires the look of lust in your eyes and the way you’re biting your bottom lip. “Yes, my love?”

Your fingers run over his face. You’re too occupied with the pleasure of him inside you that your brain refuses to put your thoughts into words. He chuckles when you only manage a breathy smile instead.

Your wrists get pinned over your head once again, and he watches you from above. Every thrust is deep and filling, his hips moving expertly to give you just the right amount of pleasure, leaving you a hot mess beneath him.

You look absolutely breathtaking to him; the parting of your lips, eyes shut and shaky breaths. Your breasts bounce with every thrust and your chest rises and falls with every breath you take. He lets out a low guttural sound and presses his body to yours, devouring your lips in a passionate kiss.

His hips pick up speed, grinding into you with calculated moves. You get lost in each other, a mixture of your quick breaths filling the room. The look in his eyes is mirrored in yours, waves of emotions flowing between both your bodies and soul.

Jungkook can’t describe his feelings for you. It’s something he hasn’t felt in a long time; warmth, love, trust, acceptance. All he knows is to tell you he loves you and hopes you get it.

Your eyes get misty as you let your own emotions get to you, feeling the twinge in your chest when you look at him.

Arms wrapping around his waist, your tongues dance between your lips. He knows all the right spots to leave you breathless. You feel it building in the pit of your stomach, and pull away from the kiss, no longer in control of your actions.

Jungkook feels it too, sensing the pressure between your hips as they wrap tightly around him. He steadies himself and gives you long, deep strokes, as he watches your breaths get quicker. The euphoric look on your face earns a grunt of approval from him.

Not wanting to hold back any longer, his hips grind into yours at a quicker pace, feeling himself reaching his release. His mouth latches on to your nipple, sucking it for a second before he hears small whines leaving you, signalling you’re close.

Willing yourself to keep your eyes open, you place a hand on the side of his face, making sure his eyes stay on yours. It gets blurrier with the way tears start to fill your eyes. “I love you.” You blurt out in a whisper and he rests his forehead on yours as he thrusts hard, one which makes your insides squirm.

Jungkook’s breath hitches in his throat as he watches you. A single tear rolls down the side of your face as you start to reach your high. “I love you Y/N.”  He breathes out against your lips before capturing you in a kiss. With one hard thrust, you find yourself succumbing to the pressure in your middle, unravelling a wave of pleasure that courses through your entire body, chest rising towards him and hands keeping him close.

Watching you, he reaches his own climax, hips bucking wildly into yours, and you feel his warm release spilling inside you, his moans lost in the kiss. It takes a while before his hips slow down into a gentle rhythm. Your body goes limp as you ride it out, drained of energy.

He catches his breath with his head on yours and when you finally catch each other’s eyes, you share a giggle. He shines in his afterglow, a look of pure bliss on his face. But he could say the same for you, thumb running over your cheek to wipe off the tear stains.

In that moment, it feels as if you’re staring right into his soul. He stares back at you, as if trying to say something more than what’s been said, worrying once again about conveying what’s in his heart. But you just smile back.

“I know, Jungkook. I know. I love you too.”

[arinbelle]

So this is insane!!!! I literally never leave this app lol. I am also shooketh by the most popular posts I've had, and it's made me realize, I need to updae Suits like yesterday because...almost 400 notes?!?! Insane.And I will...eventually.

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#5

Suits (Nessian AU)

Notes: Hello! This was an unexpected update. I didn’t think I’d ever finish this chapter, but lo and behold, it’s here! I don’t know much about law school and lawyer life, but I’ve been lovingly helped by @moodymelanist and @kingandfireheart and am very grateful for all of it. I’m also looking up a bunch of things and trying to stay as completely accurate as possible, but if you are a law student or lawyer and I mess something up, I’m sorry in advance. Anyways, I hope you all like this chpater. It’s not much “plot” mostly angst and vibes and setting up the background if nothing else.  Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist- I’m pretty sure I added everyone who asked to be added, but this was surprisingly a large taglist so if I missed anyone, please don’t hesitate to let me know. As always, I hope you enjoy and I’d love to hear about what you’re thinking when you’re done!

~*~

Chapter 2

5…4…3…2…1

Thank the Gods.

Nesta shot out of her seat as soon as the clock struck 9:30 AM. She was done. It was done. She could get the hell out of here, away from this cursed day and cursed building and cursed life and just-

“Alright everyone,” Cassian announced, glancing to the clock on his left. “That’s it for our first day. If you check your online modules, you’ll see the chapters that I’ve assigned for your reading. Be prepared for discussion next class. I’m not assigning write-ups because it’s your first week but you better not slack off on reading because of it.” 

People began filing out and Nesta, bag already ready to go, also began rising, hoping to shuffle out with the tide and avoid any interaction.

“Nesta Archeron?” Cassian called out.

Nesta froze in her path while the rest of the class began leaving. She looked at him but unlike her, Cassian seemed the picture of calm, collected and utterly aloof to the disaster happening in her head. In fact, he’d been completely normal throughout the entire class period. Nesta had almost hurled up her guts when they were ten minutes in.

“Nesta? Archeron?” Cassian looked around again until finally he saw where she’d stopped. A few feet from his desk, body stll angled towards the door as more students made their way out.

“Come here please," Cassian said to her.

"Come. One more time, baby. Come for me. I know you want to," Cassian had whispered to her as he'd pushed her through climax after climax after climax, and she'd become a boneless mess on his bed.

Nesta shook her head of the image of him dipping his head over and over between her legs. She didn't need her brain doing this to her. Not right now. Not as she came to stand right in front of him.

Nesta noted quite a few students still ambling out of the room, taking their time to likely listen to whatever Cassian wanted to talk about.

Busybodies.

Cassian cast a cursory glance behind her shoulder, noting the same thing and likely thinking the same as her too.

Cassian moved then, bringing his laptop and typing something in. Without looking up at her, Cassian said, "I got an email from the registrar that there's been an issue with your scheduling in this class. Can I please have your full name and student ID?"

Nesta hesitated, not sure if he was telling the truth or using it as an excuse to talk to her.

Nesta rattled off the student ID number she'd just memorized that morning, assuming she wouldn't need to but wanting to be careful either way.

"Nesta Katrina Archeron."

Cassian nodded as she spoke and typed a bit more.

"And what's your birthday?"

Nesta almost snarled, telling him it wasn't his business. But there were still two other students in the class that hadn't left yet.

"June 19."

Cassian didn't type anything in, and Nesta followed his gaze as it landed on the last of the stragglers exiting the room.

Almost like a switch flipping, that calm, professional demeanor that Cassian had adopted for all of class time, easily dissipated.

In it's place was a look of anger so deep, so cold, Nesta had no idea how to respond. She'd never dealt with Cassian's anger when it wasn't for something dumb that he could easily over. When it wasn't from a place of laughter and faked irritation. He was genuinely upset in this moment, and Nesta didn't know how to go about it.

"What. The. Hell?"

Nesta's lip curled back of its own accord.

"Don't you dare take that tone with me. I'm just as much fucked in this as you are."

Cassian opened his mouth to say something back, retort with just as much spite as she'd all but hissed at him. But then he stopped, reared back as if in shock, and sighed heavily, his shoulders sagging.

"I'm sorry," he apologized hoarsely, bracing his palms on the table between them, head hanging lowly. "I just don't get how this happened."

I do. We never told each other anything useful about ourselves.

But Nesta kept her mouth shut.

Cassian looked up after a few seconds of awkward silence. "You didn't tell me you got into law school."

Nesta swallowed, not wanting to meeting his hazel eyes in declaration of the painful truth. "I didn't tell anyone except for a few people," she admitted reluctantly. She hadn't even bothered with a phone call to her two sisters when she'd gotten the news. Just a text into their group chat and two "Congratulations" in quick succession had been the response she'd gotten to finally getting her life together. She wouldn't begrudge them for the behavior, even if it did hurt to be snubbed.

"You didn't even tell me you wanted to go to law school."

Nesta shot back her own grievance. "You didn't tell me you were a lawyer."

Cassian looked at her in confusion, brow furrowed, and Nesta resisted the urge to smooth it out with her fingers.

"I thought you knew."

"How the fuck would I know?"

Cassian flinched and his eyes darted around them again, in the empty room.

Right. She needed to stop panicking. Trying again, Nesta lowered her voice and stepped closer to the desk separating them. “Sorry. But how I would have known? You never said anything.”

Cassian opened his mouth and then shut it again, eyes widening in some sort of realization that he wasn’t about to share. Shuffling some papers into a stack, he muttered down at the floor. “I just thought you did.”

Nesta shook her head. Sighed. “Okay. I’m going to go speak to the registrar and get this class changed.”

“No. You can’t.”

Nesta scoffed. “I can and I will. It’s the first day. They can’t stop me.”

Cassian moved around the desk until they were properly face to face. Too close. This was too close for any respectable professor and student to be around each other. Nesta took a step back and Cassian seemed to realize his mistake, cringing slightly before also stepping back.

“Sorry,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “But they won’t let you drop the class. Crim law is a requirement here for every first year.”

“Surely there are other...teachers.” She wouldn’t say professor. That was too weird for her.

Cassian nodded. “Yeah, but Nolan's a piece of shit and known for being a hardass with his grading. You can't get higher than a B and that's if he tolerates you."

"I'll take my chances," Nesta snapped, turning on her heel and making her way towards the door. But a firm grip on her wrist pulled her back.

Nesta forced herself to calm her thoughts and emotions. Let the cool mask slip on that she’d mastered for so long. Let him see that version of her instead of the confused, heartbroken mess she had suddenly become inside the minute Cassian had put his name and “Professor” into the same sentence.

“What?” It was a biting question and Nesta knew that if it were any other man, they definitely would have flinched away from the stare she was leveling at him. 

But Cassian wasn’t like any other man that had been in Nesta’s life before. Not in the ways where it mattered at least. Where others would have realized just how dangerous a game they were already playing, Cassian seemed to be ignoring it. Pulling her just enough that she had to come closer. Had to feel his breath fan across her face one last time. Knew that this would be the true end to whatever they may or may not have become one day.

“Stay. Don’t drop this class. You need to do good this year.” His words were softly spoken. Almost coaxing her gently into acceptance, but Nesta heard the underlying meaning.

“I don’t want a good grade in this class because you fucked me,” Nesta retorted sharply.

That did get to him. Cassian jerked away, releasing his hold on her. His eyes turned cold and Nesta felt the animosity hit her like a slap. She knew all about slaps. And Cassian’s expression hurt her more than any of them before. She’d always known she’d push him away one day. Her indifference, her attitude, that callous cruelty of her mouth. But she hadn’t realized how much it would hurt to see his reaction to it. 

Cassian held her stare with a firmer one of his own. “You won’t. You’ll earn it just like everyone else in your class. But unlike with Nolan, you’ll earn what you get fairly. Don’t drop the class, Nesta. I won’t tell and if you choose not to either, well, nothing happened then. Nothing has to happen.”

Nesta knew then that later on she would replay his words over and over in her head until she may cry. Knew that they had left a profound impact on her in a way that she never wanted him to. 

Nothing happened.

Sure she’d kept it that way, with her rules and arrangement. But it clanged around in her mind, how Cassian saw what they’d been doing together as.

Nothing.

She was nothing. They were nothing. And that was all there was to it.

But Nesta wouldn’t do this in front of him. Lose her mind and have it be pointed out just what a crazy bitch she really was. Not by Cassian. She couldn’t bear that. And she sure as hell wouldn’t go and tell on him, even if he had spoken as if he were unsure about her decision.

Instead, Nesta squared her shoulders and nodded. 

“Nothing happens.”

Cassian hesitated, for a bare, fraction of a moment, but she saw it all the same. Then he nodded too.

“Nothing happens.”

~*~

Nesta leaned back against the chair, as Gwyn looked at her wide-eyed. She’d been overwhelmed by the fiasco of her first class. Had barely focused on anything the professor’s said throughout the rest of her day. She hadn’t even bothered to take out a pencil in the later afternoon classes and had fumbled around in her bag for one when an attendance sheet passed around in one of her smaller classes. Had it not been for the man sitting next to her who’d silently handed her a pencil with a small smile, she would have faced even more embarrassment on an already shitty day.

She’d seen him in a few other classes of hers, vaguely remembering his face from Cassian’s class as well. Nesta had sneaked a peek onto the sheet when he’d taken it after her, signing “Lucien” after impatiently pushing his red, waist-length hair out of his face. He’d given her another smile after he’d passed the sheet on and Nesta had returned it tentatively. She wasn’t one to smile at strangers. Barely did it with people she knew well too unless they were her friends or...Cassian.

So she’d called up her friends, praying to the Mother that they wouldn’t be too busy for her. Emerie had already graduated law school. Was already working for a legal clinic in the downtown area and loving every minute of it. Gwyn was usually always busy completing her postdoc program for psychology, but she too had made time for Nesta today. Had likely heard how rattled she sounded on the phone and had picked Emerie up on the way to their favorite bar to meet Nesta there.

"So..." Gwyn started, her eyes darting towards the bar for a second, "What do you call him?"

Nesta scoffed. "Nothing. I'm not going to talk to him or address him if I can help it. Just going to keep my head down, do my work, and get through the semester."

Emerie sat back down then, another margarita in hand and wordlessly handed it to Nesta, who accepted gratefully. She'd need another one soon with the topic at hand.

"Okay but valid question. What if you have a question? I know you're a genius or whatever, but you're going to raise your hand and talk. And either way, he’s going to cold call eventually. You can’t get away with not talking to him. So, what’s the plan to talk to him? Professor? Cassian?,” Emerie asked matter-of-factly.

But then with an evil smirk, she added in with a sultry tone, “Daddy?”

Nesta smacked her friend’s shoulder faster than Gwyn could stop her. Gwyn who was currently howling with her head thrown back, not a care in the world at everyone around them watching. Emerie rubbed the spot where Nesta had landed a hit with contempt but Nesta narrowed her eyes right back at her.

Gwyn eventually wiped tears from her eyes, slowly catching her breath from the laughing fit Nesta thought really wasn’t necessary.

It wasn’t that funny.

Gwyn placed a comforting hand on Nesta’s shoulder and Nesta leaned slightly into it. The last thing she needed to hear were jokes about this horrifying situation. Comfort was all she wanted.

“Leave her alone, Emerie,” Gwyn chided. “You don’t know what you’re talking about saying things like that.”

Nesta sighed in relief. “Thank you.”

Finally, someone understood how she felt.

Gwyn nodded. “No problem Nesta. I’m on your side don’t worry. You just need to keep your head down, avoid speaking as much as possible, and whenever you absolutely do need to talk, just call him Professor Daddy.”

“Bitch.”

Emerie joined Gwyn as they laughed even louder.

Nesta hissed, "You two are useless. I’m having a dilemma and here you two are cracking jokes about it.”

“Because it’s funny!,” Emerie insisted. “Who would have thought, Cassian, the guy you’ve been seeing, the one we haven’t even met yet by the way, is not only a lawyer, but your new professor. I mean honestly, it’s like a match made in heaven.”

Gwyn muttered under her breath. “Hell. It’s a match made in hell.”

Nesta went to smack her too but Gwyn nimbly got to her feet, announcing that she was going to go order their food.

“I can’t believe you didn’t know he was a lawyer. Goes to show just how smart miss perfect is going to be in school.” Emerie chuckled again and Nesta reigned in a mean comment that wouldn’t bode well.

Nesta rolled her eyes instead. “Fuck you. I’ll manage. And besides, it’s not like I didn’t Google him. I did.”

Emerie raised her brows, as if to say, “But did you really try hard?”

“I did!,” Nesta insisted. “I looked up Cassian and his address but I couldn’t find shit.”

Emerie furrowed her brows in confusion. “You just put in his first name. What about his last?”

Nesta shrank back in her seat. “I...um...I didn’t know his last name until today.”

Emerie didn’t show her surprise at that. Nor did she show any judgement. Both her and Gwyn knew that her and Cassian’s relationship was more based on sex and less on private and intimate details. She also didn’t say how pathetic that was of her, or how stupid considering this was someone Nesta had let into her house and her bed. 

Indeed, what if he had been a serial killer like Gwyn had warned about all those months ago?

Emerie pulled out her phone, flicking her eyes up at Nesta after putting in her password. “Okay what’s his full name?”

“Cassian Virin.”

Emerie looked like she was choking. A strange fizzing noise seemed to be coming from her lips but she looked more on the verge of screaming rather than laughing.

“You’re fucking with me right?”

Nesta glanced at Gwyn as she sat back down, putting away her credit card and the receipt of the meal she’d just ordered for them all. Nesta peeked at the bill. Tacos. Thank the Mother. Gwyn knew exactly what she needed in that moment.

Snapping her attention away from dinner, Nesta shook her head at Emerie, knowing she hadn't heard wrong when Cassian had spoken earlier that day.

“No. I heard him say it. Cassian. Virin. That’s his name.”

Emerie stared and stared and stared.

“What?” she finally snapped.

“What? What? What do you mean what? You don’t know who he is?”

Nesta stared blankly. Emerie let out a sound of exasperation before typing on her phone and shoving it towards Nesta.

On the screen were images of Cassian. Cassian with the men whose photos littered his home- his brothers most likely. Cassian with some leggy blonde who Nesta admitted secretly she hated on sight just for how close she was posing next to him. Cassian in picture after picture, article after article. 

Nesta’s eyes scanned impatiently over the words on the screen, devouring every news report and article until finally she realized what she’d missed completely. Cassian wasn’t just any lawyer. He was known as one of the best criminal defense attorneys in the state of Illinois.

“How did you not know this?,” Emerie demanded once Nesta explained her revelation.

Nesta was mildly affronted at that. “I...don’t really know. I’m not from here like you two are. I lived in California for most of my life. I wouldn’t have known anything about him. And it’s not like I went to law school for four years to figure out that he’s a celebrity,” Nesta added on, shooting a look at Emerie with her last sentence. 

Emerie leaned back in her chair, not at all affected. “Yeah I know. I keep forgetting since you’ve adapted so well.” Turning to Gwyn, Emerie asked, “Remember how she came here sounding like a Valley girl before.”

Nesta gave her the middle finger as Gwyn giggled. 

Nesta had met Gwyn and Emerie as a freshman in college during her first shift at a local bar. Gwyn had been a senior, well on her way to graduating with honors and starting her Masters program in Neuropsychology. Emerie had come from Evanston after her undergraduate years and was attending The University of Chicago Law School. Nesta still considered it fate that five years later, it ended up being the same school Nesta ended up being accepted to and attending. The two older girls had taken Nesta in, under their wing, and the friendship had been easy and safe. For the first time in Nesta’s life, she felt that she belonged somewhere. After her sophomore year, Nesta thought her life was almost close to perfect. Especially when she met-

No. Not going to think about that today.

Nesta ignored the dark train of thought her mind had almost taken her to and instead tuned back into the conversation that was happening around her. Gwyn was doing an impression of Nesta’s apparent valley girl accent and Emerie was doing a horrific, overexaggerated Chicago one, with both girls asserting that Nesta switched between the two of them all the time.

Nesta smacked them both before digging into her tacos.

Damned witches.

~*~

Nesta kept her head down as Cassian spoke to a student in the front row about the assigned case readings. Her previous night’s swagger had been kindly reduced to smithereens after she’d gone home and taken in the readings she needed to finish for Cassian’s class...

And every other class she had too.

Nesta had been ready to quit the night of, regretting the night out she’d stupidly had with Gwyn and Emerie, no matter how fun she’d found it to be. She’d powered through on spite alone at the thought of messing up on only the second day, in Cassian’s class no less. The rest of her work for her other classes had only been helped by espresso shots. Nesta was wired for the better part of early morning, but not the fatigue was finally beginning to catch up with her.

Nesta was writing down the spare few words that she was able to pick up on, but her sleep deprived brain could do little in terms of actually paying attention and creating concrete notes that would make sense if she revisited them. She’d definitely regret it whenever she sat down to study, but Gods she was so tired.

Nesta got a vague sensation of being stared at. Of being watched. But she ignored and continued writing nonsensical words onto her paper. A sharp jab in her side caught her attention. 

A panicked Lucien beside her whispered frantically to her, “He called on you twice already. Say something!”

Nesta was confused. She looked at Lucien for a little longer, his words still not quite processing with her. 

“Archeron.” Cassian’s voice cut through the fog in her head and she snapped her attention to the front of the room. Cassian was glowering at her and to Nesta’s horror, her feeling of being watched had been completely accurate. Everyone was staring at her.

“Yes?” Nesta cleared her throat, not liking how meek and disoriented she sounded.

Cassian sighed. “I asked you what you thought of your classmate’s response. Do you agree or not? And why?”

Fuck her. She hadn’t heard anything useful. Hadn’t been paying enough attention at all.

Nesta chanced a glance at Lucien sitting next to her, and he had what she thought to be a mirroring expression to her own on his face. Horror, panic and absolute embarrassment.

“I...I don’t know,” she finally admitted. Didn’t want to say she hadn’t been able to focus long enough on whatever he and the other student had been saying to even fake an answer. She simply didn’t know.

Cassian nodded a few times, more to himself than anyone else. “Do you have any opinion at all about what you were assigned to read last night?”

She did. Tons actually. But suddenly, Nesta felt the eyes on her narrow in scrutiny. Could practically hear their thoughts out loud.

Not good enough. Not smart.. Useless. Not worthy. 

You don’t belong anywhere, Nesta.

Nesta couldn’t bring herself to say no, knowing that admitting defeat rather than trying to overcome the nerves was the better option. It didn’t matter that she did know what was going on in class. Or that she wasn’t an idiot like it looked like to the entire class. Nesta simply shook her head, tightening the muscles in her face as tears began blurring her eyesight. She would not cry. Not like this.

Cassian’s face flickered with some sort of emotion, one she couldn’t place, but it was there and gone. 

“Disappointing,” he announced, stare still leveled on her. She could feel the tension crackle through the air. It would have been better if he’d yelled at her or kicked her out of the class. Instead, he’d all but called her a failure, and now she’d have to sit through the rest of the class with that hanging over her.

Which she did.

Painfully. Angrily. Upset and barely composed.

But she did it.

And as she began packing up her things at the end of the period, Lucien giving her a small pitiful smile that she barely returned, Nesta contemplated how quickly she could run out of the room without looking directly at Cassian.

Except, as fate would have it, she was not a favorite in the world by whatever Gods had created it.

“Nesta,” Cassian called out softly, just as she began walking by his desk in the front of the room.

Nesta steeled her spine, sighing in defeat as she made her way over to him. 

Cassian didn’t speak to her as she came to stand in front of his desk. Didn’t even look up from his computer screen, typing in Gods knew what. Nesta was about to leave, rules and proper manners be damned, but the last student finally walked out of the room. 

Finally Cassian looked at her.

“What was that?,” he asked lightly, crossing his arms across his chest.

Nesta decided to feign ignorance. “What was what?”

A sly smile played on his lips. “Cute. But not wise. Why couldn’t you answer today?”

“Because I didn’t know the answer.”

Cassian cocked his head a fraction, examining her. As if the entirety of her was wrong, not just her response to him.

“I hope you understand there was no right or wrong answer. It was a discussion to help orient your thought process and how you analyze the material. Which you would be able to participate in as long as you read what you were supposed to.”

“Well, I didn’t finish the readings.”

The lie sat and tasted bitter in her mouth. She hated it. Hated admitting weakness in such a horrible way. In a way that wasn’t even truthful, just to save face and not have to admit the profoundly large effect Cassian had ended up having on her.

Cassian chuckled. A dark, sinister thing that Nesta hadn’t been privy to witnessing ever. He walked around his desk until they were again closer. Again with far too little space between them. Again with those glinting hazel eyes peering down at her.

“Now that’s funny. Because it’s almost believable except you’re not the person that doesn’t do your homework. In fact, according to what I saw from your records and application, it’s not in your nature to do so.”

“You read my application?,” she demanded, furious with a touch of panic. "How did you even get it?”

Cassian scoffed. “One, I didn’t read all of it. I just saw your coursework, your grades, and your letters of recommendation. I didn’t read your personal statement, don’t worry. And two, all the professors have access to student records.”

Lie. That had to be a violation of some sort. He so didn’t have access to shit. What he did have, Nesta would begrudgingly admit, was a beautiful face and a great smile. and way too much charm for anyone to be oblivious to it.

Nesta didn’t respond, so Cassian continued. 

“Great grades. Stunning observations about your work ethic as a student and determination to come to class prepared by almost everyone who wrote you a letter. So, I don’t think you’d fuck around on your work. Especially not on the first week of classes.”

Nesta couldn't deny it any longer. “Fine,” she expelled in a quick breath. “I finished the readings.”

“All of them?” Cassian confirmed.

“Yes. All of them.”

“Then why not say something today?”

Nesta sighed in defeat. “Because I wasn’t paying enough attention the first time around with whatever you and that guy were talking about. And then everyone was staring at me and I...”

“You panicked and forgot what you had to say? And even if you did, you knew it would come out completely wrong and be mortifying?”

Nesta nodded miserably, looking at her shoes, biting her lip.

A cool set of fingers grasped her chin and tilted her face back up. Cassian forced her to look at him. Wouldn’t let her run away from it.

“it happens,” he said softly. “You’ll learn. You’ll be okay.”

She half wondered if he was telling her more for himself or for her. Nesta didn’t dwell on it, knowing full well how this was going to end. Carefully, she pulled back from him, from the hand that was still grasping her chin, and Cassian seemed to remember who they were and what they were doing. Or, what they weren’t supposed to be doing.

“Thank you,” she said awkwardly.

Cassian gave her a small smile and she returned it weakly.

“Well, I should go,” she announced after a few awkard seconds. 

“Of course. Don’t be late,” Cassian let out in a rush.

Nesta had almost made it to the door when Cassian called for her again.

“Yeah?”

Cassian looked at his laptop before glancing back at her again. 

“You did really well in your undergraduate years. Except for junior year, your grades were terrific. You took the LSATs on time too and you scored really well,” he summarized neatly. Nesta could feel bile climbing up her throat as Cassian added in quickly, “And you scored even higher than me!”

Nesta didn’t know what to say, knowing where the question was likely heading. 

“So why take a year in between college and law school? I saw that you worked as a paralegal, but with this application, I can tell you, you would have gotten in without it.”

She’d been right about what Cassian had been going to ask her. She also knew that this was not the question she would be answering today. Not today, not with him, and likely not ever. Nesta decided on a simple lie instead.

“I couldn’t afford the tuition. So I decided to wait the year, work more than I can ever do right now and get a head start on loans and saving money. It also helped me settle down into my apartment rather than a college dorm.”

“You’re still working?,” Cassian asked surprised, not commenting on what she’d revealed about her tuition. She could have handled it but that year had been nothing to do with money and everything to do with Nesta’s personal turmoils.

Nesta shook her head. “I quit once I got accepted, but looking at that bill every month is making me worry that it wasn’t smart to do that. So, not currently working, but I want to soon. Somewhere closer to school though. The other firm was too far away from here for me to make it work.”

Cassian’s brows raised slightly at the confession. “Most students aren’t advised to work during 1L. You can do it if you really need to, but it’s not a requirement and it makes classes horribly difficult to get through.”

Nesta thought about it. Knew he was right but that she didn’t exactly have a choice. “I’ll be fine,” she told him.

Cassian looked at her with a more pronounced smile than before. “Of course you will sweet-....um...Nesta. You’ll do great. Have a good rest of the day.”

“Thank you.” Nesta ignored his slip-up, his pet name for her that she’d acted irritated by but secretly loved. Ignored the pang in her chest as she turned away from him.

Nesta walked out of Cassian’s classroom, not sure if she felt lighter or heavier from the moment that she’d stepped back into it.

~*~

Tags:

@spoilersteph @rhysandswingspan @purpleglitterypinecone @pixieelea @absolution-s  @sv0430 @positivewitch @royaltykxx @moodymelanist @stardelia @gwynberdara @charming-butt-insane @cassiansbigwingspan @a-court-of-milkandhoney  @bookstantrash @duskandstarlight @greerlunna @queenestarcheron @nessiansimp @cassianscool @sjm-things @perseusannabeth  @courtofjurdan @vasudharaghavan @sayosdreams @moe8  @arielle-reads @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @nahthanks @oversizedbats @swankii-art-teacher @inardour @rowaelinismyotp @starryblueskies7 @nestaarcher0n @vidalinav @nessiantrashh @lanyjoy-13 @iwastoowildinthe70s @nessianlordandladyofillyria @ladygabrielli1997 @moonlitchandeliers @vanzetanze @generalnesta @drielecarla @moodymelanist @wishfulimaginings @amaranthas-whore

262 notes • Posted 2021-07-02 05:32:10 GMT

#4

Scandalous

Nesta and Cassian one-shot, 4.9k words

A/N:Hello lovelies,

The other day @darklove9314-blog asked if there are any Nessian pregnancy fics and I remember thinking well yes I read a great one just the other day, but also, a fun new project for me? So I wrote this. Also, I have decided to begin finishing up half finished or almost finished fics so this is one that I can happily say is leaving the drafts box.

And please let me know if you'd like to be added or removed to my tag list.

Warnings: Blood, Violence

Tagging: @bookstantrash @duskandstarlight @moe8 @queenestarcheron @queenofbloodshed @vasudharaghavan @allilal @cassianscool @courtofjurdan @sjm-things @perseusannabeth @greerlunna @sayosdreams

Enjoy🤗

                                     -----------------------------

It was scandalous.

That's the first thing Nesta can think of. The entire situation is scandalous and if she were still a human woman, she'd be ostracized from high society. Not that she would have cared what other people thought of her. Especially not in that behemoth they called a home bought for them to keep their pretty silence from the High Lord who'd caged her sister. Nesta would have lived her human life in scandal without batting an eye given how wealthy she had been.

But here, somehow, it felt wrong. Nesta didn't think she'd ever find a place more traditional than the human lands. But then she'd come to Illyria. Part of it was misogyny. But it was also that the people were rooted in tradition.

There were superstitions she'd learned slowly, carefully. Sometimes painfully, when she did something not quite right and just enough wrong, and got scathing looks from people nearby who were now sure they'd end up with the wrath of a god smiting them. But with time she learned and never made those mistakes again.

The traditions, the culture, ran deep in Illyria. And it was beautiful. 

Nesta thought it to be at least. As a human, they didn’t have Gods or holidays or much tradition to fall back on. And while Nesta had hated it in the beginning, the holidays that weren’t hers, the decorations and food so unlike their own, illustrious as it may be, she began a slow acceptance of it. Not in Velaris, no never in that place. She couldn’t stand it anymore- court of dreams or not. 

But in Illyria, Solstice was unlike the awkward, dissonant celebration she’d been forced to go to at the behest of her baby sister. It was loud, and not in the way that Mor had been when she’d joked about Cassian’s gift to her. It was warm, even though it was freezing in the Steppes at that point in the year. It was natural- it wasn’t forced on her part, to enjoy the holiday with her friends and invite them over to the house for presents and dinner. And most of all, it was a choice. Cassian let her choose to have a party or not, choose to join him for a celebration in the town square or stay in the comfort of her room. And the choice, the decision of it all, was probably what made her love Solstice that second time around.

 She knew her sisters didn't have the same proclivity towards the Illyrian people as she did. Regardless of the fact that one of them wore the wings and marks the females were often stripped of even dreaming of having before they came of age. Regardless that the other remained cloistered away with the constant company of a male who hated his people so much for the faults of a select few.

Nesta didn't hate them for it, and they certainly weren't ill-willed in how they acted.

It was just...a disconnect. Feyre couldn't understand why after the war with the Queens ended, Nesta did not follow her back to Velaris. Elain couldn't fathom how Nesta could enjoy such "dangerous people" for constant company.

Nesta had simply lied and said she wished to learn more about her powers, and the few females of Illyria that still practiced witchcraft had happily agreed. Viciously agreed in fact, almost snapping their sharpened teeth at the Lady of Night who they didn’t like on principle. It wasn’t in Nesta to gossip about her sisters and their messy relationship, but it didn’t take much for them to figure out how much was wrong between them. How wrong they were for sending her here.

It wasn't all a lie. Nesta did train with the other witches, now more a leader than a student however. When their oldest Matron had passed after a millennium of life, she had named Nesta to be trained to take over one day.

Not that the one day had come soon. The training had been rigorous. Daunting. One didn't just become the Matron. It took blood, sweat, tears, and then a little bit more blood , preferably of someone who'd pissed you off that day. Nesta always threatened Cassian to be her victim if he displeased her too much. Cassian had once laughed and told her to pick Feyre instead, promptly shutting his mouth as soon as it out, realizing his mistake.

Her sisters never came here anymore. Sometimes Feyre would send a letter asking very politely if Nesta would come over to Velaris and join her and Elain for some tea. They always had so much tea together. Probably afraid to drink alcohol the entire lot of them constantly seemed to be drowned in. Because to drink alcohol in front of Nesta...

Nesta who'd been sober for years now. Who could now easily stick to a few light sips of wine at a dinner party or be wrecked alongside Emerie on hard liquor just because it was fun, and still not turn into an alcoholic mess. 

It was also almost scandalous how put together she was now. Almost. Nothing on her particular situation, but almost.

Cassian wouldn't be home yet. Still in Velaris for Mor's belated birthday celebration that Nesta hadn't even bothered to refuse the invitation to. That Cassian hadn't even bothered to bring up anymore. She wouldn't be going. Not after the fiasco of the previous year. And if Cassian didn't have Nesta insistent that she not be the wedge between him and his family, he wouldn't have gone either.

Oh she had her reasons for avoiding them all- the list too long, too detailed, too painful. She had never liked her sister's mate for one thing. Had found him too pretty. Not in looks, although he certainly had that going for him. Too pretty in how he acted. Like he was above it all. Like he was too good and his wife even more so when all he did was play foolish parts and masquerade as a villain that no one cared to refute.

But, she had been willing to try.

She'd sat at that dinner table where everyone in the Inner Circle and her sisters were gathered. Had quietly listened to their jokes and regales and tried to laugh when Elain and Feyre attempted to include her. She'd completely ignored the constant staring on Cassian's behalf, even though she knew he meant well. She was determined to get through it all without a fuss.

But then Feyre had gotten up unexpectedly, boasting of an announcement that needed to be made. That mate of hers had swept up with her, a hand wrapped around her waist as she raised her cup of juice and announced that she was pregnant.

And Nesta had nearly fallen over in the chaos of it all. The cruelty. The shock still silence that seemed to morph into ringing in her ears as everyone but her jumped up to scream their congratulations. Cassian had risen, barely whispering his words of kindness before sitting back down next to Nesta, eyes now unwaveringly trained onto her.

To her credit, she'd lasted an entire hour after Feyre's announcement. Had chugged two glasses of wine down without hesitation...but still. She'd lasted.

But then Feyre had told Cassian she couldn't wait for him to meet the baby and for the baby to meet Uncle Cass. And Nesta had felt the floor begin to shake so hard as she felt fissures in the ground crack open. Breaks that no one but Nesta seemed to feel apparently as everyone around her continued on like the world was fine.

But it wasn't fine. None of it was fine. It was a cruel, fucked up, joke. A conundrum. A mess of despair and broken dreams. And definitely not fine.

Which was exactly what she'd told her baby sister. I'm fine. Thank you for asking. No it's just some pain in my head. Yes I'll be fine. Of course I'll be fine. Enjoy your party.

And that was the end of it. Should have been the end of it.

Except the High Lord didn't think so. He’d snorted and muttered under his breath that of course she was leaving. Then he’d announced grandly that of course some people just can’t manage to be happy for their family, because it was easier to be selfish and hateful.

Feyre hadn't said a word at his insult. Nesta chalked it up to shock because the alternative was too painful to consider. But Cassian had stalked forward, snarling as he pushed Rhys into a wall. Nesta had scrambled to get in between, a palm on her lover's chest pushing slightly to get his attention.

"That's enough,” she had whispered into his neck. Cassian’s eyes had lowered a fraction down to hers, one hand still wrapped around Rhys’ throat.

But it was enough. Cassian had backed off instantly, much to everyone's surprise.

Nesta had told Cassian to enjoy the party, not even looking at the High Lord whose face had gone bone white at his brother’s threat. Told him she would sleep off her headache at home and hadn't given any room for argument. Her own issues aside, this was still his family.

As she left, Nesta didn't hesitate to kiss her sister on both cheeks, hug her for the first time in years, and whisper congratulations on the joyous news into her ear. 

Because it wasn’t selfishness or cruelty or hate that had stopped her from expressing her wishes sooner. It had been grief. One that she had no interest in explaining or sharing with anyone in the room who had judged her.

Feyre had nodded, mouth slightly agape, perhaps still consumed with her husband's accusations and Cassian's outburst. But she had known, some kind of bond that ran deep in their blood regardless of their jagged history. They were sisters after all. Feyre had figured it out to some extent, so she had simply hugged her tightly back and told her to go.

It wasn't even a full day later than Amren had come to Illyria without warning, knocking on her door for ten minutes at dawn until she’d had been woken by the noise. Nesta had snarled something unworldly as she threw open the door, only to find Amren completely unfazed. 

Not even a hint of remorse in those wicked eyes as she asked how far along Nesta had been when she'd lost her youngling.

Nesta didn't remember ever crying so much as she had done that day. Didn't know what came over Amren to cradle her head in her petite lap and stroke her hair softly as Nesta wept, and wept, and wept.

Cassian had found them there a few hours later, neither having moved, but Nesta a lot calmer albeit exhausted from all the tears.

She heard rumors that the High Lord and his second never got along again after that dinner party. And vicious as it was, a part of Nesta was glad for how fitting it sounded.

Nesta didn't know what this strange emotion tingling through her was though. She had been pregnant before. Even got far along enough to begin showing through her tops. Until she had lost her baby and her stomach had flattened back down, her breasts following suit not long after. The stretch marks on them could have made for glorious battle scars of motherhood if only for the fact that she had never gotten to hold her child in her hands.

But tradition in the Steppes was to wed before having younglings. Cassian hadn't cared the first time around, even though he was born of similar circumstances.

"It's not the same. I'm here with you. I'm not going to leave you to have a child on your own as an outcast. Rules be damned."

But then he'd also asked her if she wanted to get married anyways. A snort from her had answered that question.

Rules be damned indeed.

But this time...what was it this time?

Nesta realized that it was guilt when she climbed into their empty bed.

It was guilt she felt as she nestled down into the covers and ran her hand over the white sheets. Sheets that had once been stained with crimson that had run down her thighs in the middle of the night. Crimson that Nesta had screamed herself hoarse at when she'd seen it, screaming for Cassian who was on a mission at a rebel camp and couldn't hear her.

Everything after was a blur. Someone had heard her and called for a patrol of soldiers. A warrior had apparently flew to their bedroom window and seen her in the middle of the miscarriage, shattering the window with his Siphons and flying her over to the healer's barracks.

By the time Nesta came to, it was just her. No prominent bump left. No morning sickness. No beating heart in her womb that she would always listen for to soothe herself and fall asleep to. It was Nesta all alone again.

And it was guilt that Cassian hid well from her as well. Just not well enough. His absence wasn't his fault just as much as he said the loss of their babe wasn't hers. Half true. It was only half true in her mind and Nesta would likely never forgive herself for it.

So Nesta thought of the scandal at her having a second pregnancy, again out of wedlock, after losing her first. The ones that still hated her would say it was because she was a whore.

It was exactly what they'd said when she hadn't left her room for a month because listening to the Illyrian children laughing outside had been too painful to stomach. 

A whore who had fucked too many males in Velaris and ruined her chances of having a healthy womb. The healers assured her that wasn't the case, even if Nesta didn't quite believe it. And now, people would say that Nesta was a whore for getting knocked up again without a wedding band on her fingers, tempting fate to steal her second chance at joy by not unifying her bond at an altar with a priestess.

Nesta didn't need to be married to Cassian to know she was his wife. He didn't need to swear anything in front of anyone to know he was her husband.

They were lovers. They were equals. They shared a home. They shared a life. They were madly and hopelessly in love. It was all what spouses should be anyways.

They were mates and they were spouses and she was his and he was hers.

A piece of paper and chants in a temple didn't change any of that.

And then there was the scandal. The Illyrian scandal that hadn't happened yet but was just waiting to implode. As a human woman, she would have lost everything without the wealth they had if she'd been pregnant outside of marriage. It wasn't that this didn't hold true in Illyria, it was just that she was powerful here. Feared even more so. No one dared question the witch, even if she was spitting on the expectations they had of their females. It also helped that Cassian would likely murder anyone if the gossip she'd heard of herself actually reached his ears.

But in Illyria, she wasn't just having a child with a random soldier without being married to him. She was having Cassian's child.

The Commander's firstborn.

And the Commander's firstborn was always a male that could carry on the line of strong soldiers and multiple Siphons. She'd heard the soldiers talk of Vibasi, the third commander in Illyrian history. His firstborn had been a lovely little baby girl. A girl who'd mysteriously disappeared mere days after her birth. Her brother two decades later was called the firstborn and made into a formidable soldier by the sacrifice of a sister he didn't even know existed.

Speculation of course.

No one wanted to admit that while children were supposedly cherished amongst the Fae, given how rare they were, females and bastards didn't matter either way.

She thought about how fitting it would be then. The Commander's firstborn being a female. The child of a bastard General being a female and being celebrated. They'd be spitting on tradition two-fold.

If Cassian didn't mind that is. He might. She didn't know if he would care, she was assuming he wouldn't. Hoping. Praying actually. Because she loved him too much to think anything like that could matter to someone like him. Who woke up two hours earlier just to make sure the females were trained on par with the males. Who forced every single camp Lord to push for equality even when it required him to kill and take on the stain of death over and over. Nesta didn't think a male like Cassian could ever care that his firstborn was going to be a female.

Female according to the anxious healer who'd informed her in a hurried whisper and almost pushed her out of the barracks through the back door, urging her to keep it to herself as long as possible.

But Nesta didn't keep secrets from Cassian, or he from her. Not in years.

When she awoke again after a fitful sleep that hadn't endured through the night, it was early. Too early to get up but too late to do anything. For Nesta at least.

Cassian, from what she could hear, was already back to work in his office. Probably reading reports and signing documents that she always told him she could take care of for him.

When she decided to investigate, she was pleased to find she was right. Heaps of papers, a Faelight almost burned out, and Cassian scrutinizing a report like he would a battlefield. He didn't even bother to look up when she entered, extending an arm out instead, eyes trained on the parchment at hand.

She took the arm quietly. Let it wrap around her waist as he pulled her close, a wing rising up to curve behind her as well. It was all the invitation Nesta needed to crawl into his lap and nestle in closely, as he curved the arm and wing tighter around her.

Safe.

This was where she felt safest. Even with all the doubts of the unknown, the fears of where their future would lead, in this moment, she felt safe.

“Do you know about Vibasi?” she asked without warning. Not the best way to say she was pregnant perhaps, bringing up a murdering piece of-

“Yes. Vaguely. Why?” A knowing glint in his eyes that edged on teasing came to face her. “You’re not reading those strange history books again are you? I told you they aren’t accurate.”

No. She was going off of rumors she’d heard from soldiers sitting outside a bar and drinking, half drunk on absinthe and historical trivia. “No bat, I’m not. What do you know?”

Cassian put down the papers, and leaned back in his chair, taking her with him. He shrugged, likely not understanding Nesta’s strange curiosity into a male who’d been dead for thousands of years.

“Vibasi was the third commander in Illyria. He was mated to a female who remains unnamed as they did to all the wives during that time. Two children in his 800 years of life, both went on to be dangerous males on the battlefield.” A perfect recitation from whatever history book he had told her not to waste time reading. 

Nesta bit her lip, unsure of how to prompt anything further. “And the female?”

“His mate?”

Nesta shook her head, worry growing steadily greater. “No, the female...child. He had one supposedly. I was wondering what you knew about that.”

Understanding flashed in Cassian’s eyes along with the edge of something darker. So it was true. 

Cassian got a look of discomfort on his face, one she had never really seen before. “It’s not talked about much.” 

Clearly.

“Lots of historians say that the child existed and was murdered very quickly and discreetly afterwards. There were no records of her ever existing but you know how that works. Staff and servants are always aware, and you can’t buy off everyone.” Nesta nodded, very aware of the gossip that used to permeate her own estate when she’d been a human. Which stable hand was flirting with which maid when both were promised to other people. How much did the Lady who’d visited the other day give to the footman in shillings to tell her the name of her husband’s mistress. Gossip was quick, especially when the details of the crime grew in vulgarity.

“And is that...common?”

How do you feel about it? Will you be disappointed your firstborn isn’t a son? If she even lives to term? If my ruined body doesn't kill her first.

“Not if I have anything to do with it,” he growls, vicious and low in the back of his throat.

That’s all she needs. Confirmation.

And then she’s drowning in guilt all over again. 

How could she have questioned him? 

Cassian. This was Cassian. Not some misogynistic, cruel male. It was Cassian, her Cassian. How could she be so stupid to think that he would ever do such a thing? Could even be capable of the thought?

The sob gets stuck in her throat, but forces its own way out through her clenched teeth and pressed lips. Startles Cassian who had thought the conversation was over so that he could go back to work. 

“Nesta? What-”

“I’m sorry.” she gasped. “I didn’t mean to be so judgmental. Or even think so low of you. I was just worried, you know?” Cassian’s bewildered expression told her, no, he did not in fact know, because Nesta hadn’t explained anything. She’d just begun crying like the hormonal wreck she was, and scared Cassian into a panic.

It took half an hour for her hiccupping sobs to quiet, all while Cassian rubbed soothing circles in her back patiently. Much too patient considering it took another hour to stop the second bout of tears that happened after she began to explain herself, not getting very far at all after talking about the soldiers at the bar.

A jumbled mess of words sticking in her throat, all unnecessary details that Cassian really didn't need to know that she was sharing anyways. He didn't interrupt once.

When she finally, finally, manages to say it, she can't help but shudder. The words that tell him this is their second chance, a gift of possibility. Of healing.

If she carries to term. If the child doesn't die in her again. If her already unfortunate life doesn't manage to get worse, which for Nesta, isn't very likely. So many ifs, and not once does she tell Cassian about them.

There's no need.

He's remembering the first time too even if he's smiling and telling her he's so happy he doesn't have words. That his heart is so happy it hurts. That he's just simply happy. So happy he kisses her three times over and over and over. So happy that they don't talk about how it's going to be a girl because Nesta forgot to mention it in all the excitement and laughter and tears.

And then she's waking Cassian up after the rest he insists she needs, even though he's the one out like a rock. She's shaking and almost screaming at him to get up because he has to know. He has to know what's going to happen when their daughter comes into this world.

This world that's given her the love of her life but only after so much misery and misunderstanding between them. This world that has let her earn her peace but only after toiling for it with every ounce of ire in her bones. This world that has so much beauty if you have it in you to look and fight for it, but otherwise it's just cruel.

She wants him to know that she's going to bring a life into that world and it's not going to be easy for any of them. Not for Nesta, who is still seen as an outsider by some rare, few people in Illyria. Not for Cassian, whose enemies will use his daughter as a source of exploitation should they get the chance. And not for their daughter who will always be seen as second best where a son could have been better.

Cassian, the great beast of a male, understands right away when she whispers that it's a girl. Understands why she looks away concerned and puts two and two together on why she'd questioned Cassian's opinions on his predecessor's actions as a father. And Cassian, her heart, doesn't judge her for it. For questioning his integrity before revealing something she's scared he won't like.

She almost collapses into tears again as he brushes it off and asks her about names. She apologizes again, babbling about how it was unfair of her to assume something so horrific about him and also that she loves the name Nadyzva.

Cassian only brushes a forefinger over her cheek, ghosting over the threat of tears that may spill again while telling her that she'll make for a wonderful mother with how fierce and protective she's already being. That she should never apologize for putting the safety of her child first.

That safety comes in the form of trusting the Illyrian healers over the Velaris ones when it comes time to deliver. It comes in the form of just Cassian and her and the healer in the small delivery room. The only people she has been able to trust since she entered her final month of pregnancy and the instincts to protect surged and multiplied.

The pain is unimaginable, akin to how she felt when she was ripped apart from the inside out in the Cauldron. When she recalls it to her daughter years later, she will admit she doesn’t remember it well. It’s all fragmented pieces rather than a fully flowing story. Likely from the pain, or perhaps the analgesic, but her memory’s not the best when remembering the birth. She does remember the panic that happened halfway when it became too much to keep going. When this life she’d fought so hard to keep going after her first loss began to kill her slowly from the inside. She’d turned to Cassian, whose hand she’d shattered in her grip, and told him amidst great heaving sobs that she couldn’t do it.

“I can’t. I can’t Cassian, it’s too much. I’m sorry.”

But Cassian hadn’t hesitated to wrap the still broken hand around her and pull her back to his chest. To tell her she was the strongest person he knew in his whole life. And that to him, there was truly nothing Nesta couldn’t do if she wanted. 

He didn’t tell her that the healer had briefly looked at him from between Nesta’s legs, fear dilating her eyes so much that Cassian could only see black pupil. He didn’t tell her that the scent of her blood was overpowering the scent of her tears, because the hemorrhaging was too much and too fast and if she didn’t finish pushing soon, Nesta and the child would soon be dead. Which would likely kill Cassian too from the heartbreak not long after. He didn’t tell her that particular admission until years later. Didn’t admit that he would have died had he lost them both that day until their daughter finishes the Rite and appears back from Ramiel’s peak. Bloody and bruised in so many places, looking like the perfect mix of Cassian’s will and Nesta’s pride in something that can only be described as wholly triumphant.

Most of all though, Nesta remembered being scared. So, so scared because what if she's a horrible mother? What if...what if she's exactly like her mother? She couldn't stand the thought of raising a child so hateful and hurting like she had ended up. Like she could have avoided becoming had her mother been a tad less cold and her father heaps less of a coward.

But when her daughter comes screaming into the world that she is so very afraid of, everything washes away. At least for the moment, there is a silent peace with no other noise save for the infant who seems to have the lungs of a warrior as she screams and shrieks and declares that she is gloriously here.

Here in this world that could ruin her. That tried to ruin her mother even though she kicked and shouted and stomped against it until it left her be. But she is safe for now.

Nesta thinks so at least.

She is safe, nestled to her mother's breast, a wing curving over the two of them in the place of Cassian's arms that has always made Nesta feel safest. Now a place for her daughter to share in that safety too.

But out of all the things Nesta does or doesn’t remember from her delivery, as she watches her daughter receive her Siphons, all nine of them, Nesta remembers what she felt the moment her baby been placed in her arms. Something that has never once wavered or dissipated each time she looks at her daughter.

Joy.

311 notes • Posted 2021-01-21 18:21:10 GMT

#3

For They Were Gods

Nessian one-shot (NSFW) - 13k

Hello! This is my first post-ACOSF writing piece. It’s when Cassian and Nesta are on that mountain after she has the entire breakdown, and we got those two lines from her later how they...ahem...did the do for two days straight. Well I wanted to expand on this scene that we were robbed of. If there are typos, I’m sorry, I just can’t look at it again anymore. So many thanks to @bookstantrash who listened to my ramblings and musings as I wrote this fic. I’m so dramatic at times and she was supportive through it all. This was heavily inspired by all the hints of Cassian being Enalius reborn, and how Nesta is referred to as a queen so many times in the book.

I hope you enjoy!

                                                 ~***~

Nesta’s arms were aching by the time Cassian finally reached for the sword from her grip and told her they were done for the day. 

She felt drained. In all the best ways, but still, there was nothing but empty silence in and around her. Not in the way it had gone horribly quiet before she’d burst into tears on her knees, but in the way that only calm could do for her. 

Pure calm.

She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt such a way. Sure she had felt hints of it, in those moments when her body was ragged after training, or completely loose under Cassian’s ministrations. But it never lasted. That creeping dread always found a way into her heart, her mind, until all that sounded was that dark, raging fire of hers that she could never do much to quell the burn of.

This was not that. This was lightness, a burden lifted off of her shoulders. So many thoughts she’d had about her father, about herself, as a person, a daughter, a sister, a female. None of them good- not for her nor the people around her.

But this calm enveloped her tightly, as a mother would, if she’d ever had one that care enough to do so. Or perhaps a lover, if she had ever allowed him close enough to do that.

It held tight and it held firm and Nesta just breathed, breathed, breathed.

The air in the mountains was crisp, sharper, cleaner than even Velaris. She could feel something deep in the soil under her feet, or perhaps in the shimmering lake in front of her. Some sentience beyond her capability of understanding it- beyond time, beyond life as she knew it. Old and vast, rich with knowledge and understanding...whatever being had once walked here, or still did, Nesta could feel its presence warming her from the inside out.

“Take off your clothes and put them here before you go in,” Cassian called from behind her. She turned in shock at the statement as she saw him begin to undress, piling his jacket, then his shirt, onto the pack. The pack that was kept next to a...

Is that a sleeping bundle?

“You’ve had that this whole time?.” she asked, outraged at the soreness she could still feel from sleeping on hard ground for an entire week.

Cassian didn’t bother to reply though, smirking as he walked over to the lake, naked, and waded in.

Nesta did eventually relent when he didn’t turn around to call her in with him again. Why she needed him so much, she’d never know. She certainly wasn’t about to ask him.

Her clothes were filthy, and she knew she should wash them before going into the lake with Cassian. But that would mean crouching down on the bank, naked, and making a mess of the cloth and her hands.

It would also mean looking like an idiot in front of Cassian...no, she’d rather not.

The water was not cold as she’d expected it to be. Not warm either, but the cool lap of the gentle waves soothed her overheated skin, as well as her shot nerves.

Cassian seemed to be swimming small laps further into the circle of the body of water, but Nesta had no interest in taking part in whatever new game he’d created. She stuck to the edges, washing her body as best as she could with no soap or proper tub. Cassian let her be, content to swim his laps, circles really, not a care in the world that someone could see them in the still evening light should they walk by.

“Are you done primping yet?.” he mocked, finally turning around to look at her now wading in the rippling water.

Nesta flashed him a sweet smile. “Some of us don’t enjoy a week’s worth of dirt on our skin. It’s called hygiene.”

Cassian rolled his eyes. “It’s called primping.”

“Ass,” she muttered, but slowly made her way towards him, only to stop a few feet away. Cassian snickered but said nothing more, and she wondered if it came naturally to him to be so lighthearted. 

He looked calmer here too, in the wilds of the hills with the slowly setting sun behind him, sky turned crimson and violet all at once, and his skin gleamed copper against it. 

Radiant.

Beautiful.

She had no place next to him here. Here in the stilling perfection of the scenery and Cassian, Nesta did not fit.

Cassian seemed to realize the train of her thoughts, to some base extent at least, because he reached out a hand to her, water splashing as it rose from his side towards her. He was always holding out a hand for her to grasp, never once wavering in helping her. He always helped her, brought her up, brought her forward. 

What did she do for him? What could she do for him? 

“Don’t do that,” he said softly, moving a couple inches closer, hand still outreached. “Don’t get into your head. Just come here.”

She would only need to float forward slightly, and then her hand would easily intertwine with his own, where he would likely pull her away from any lingering grief and doubt haunting her mind. 

He always did.

“Come here Nes,” he coaxed again, gently.

She relented then, if only just this once after the storm of emotions that had ripped through her not too long ago. Sure the sword practice had helped, the tears had helped, but she needed more. She needed him.

Cassian’s hand was hot, callouses soothing across her own, and it was a gentle tug on her hand that got her pulled close to his chest, just like she knew he would do. She didn’t want to look into his eyes though, not that serene calm on his face with a hint of apprehension for her. She didn’t need to see it just yet. So Nesta focused on the view directly in front of her.

Tanned skin with tendrils of water running down the pectorals, circling in all directions over and on the whorls of tattoos on Cassian’s chest. It was instinct that had her hand rising up to trace them, to focus on him alone if only to calm the churning thoughts in her mind.

And Cassian let her. Held her waist with one arm to keep them wading above the surface, wings fluttering every so often behind him to do the work.

Cassian did not stop her, letting her trace and commit to memory each line, each curve and each lick of black ink that with every stroke of her fingers, brought her further away from what would happen when they returned to Velaris. What she would say to Feyre, if she even could speak-

Stop. Focus on Cassian. Don’t think of all that right now.

Only when the last rays of sunlight hit the horizon, and the world was aglow in the barest hints of the sun’s luminance, did Nesta stop her exploring on Cassian’s skin. It could have been hours, could have been days, even though her Fae senses told her it had only been a couple minutes since she’d gone to him. None of that mattered as she felt the calm return, stronger this time from when she’d waded into the lake and her horrible thoughts had attempted to resurface.

It was just Nesta and Cassian in this new perfect world, where they alone existed with each other. With no barriers to separate their skin or souls, she thought it to be the closest moment of perfection she’d ever gotten in her life. Even if this fantasy would quickly shatter as soon as they had to leave.

She could pretend for now.

So she locked her arms around his neck, pressing her front tighter to his muscled chest, and placed a soft kiss just where his neck began and his markings ended. Then another one higher up, where his pulse pounded like a war drum under her lips.

It was all the encouragement that Cassian needed before his hands circled her waist and quickly lifted her up to wrap her legs around his torso.

She was about to capture his lips with her own, but Cassian made to pull back.

Had she done something wrong? It certainly seemed so with the way his eyes scanned across her face, hazel eyes glinting with the full moon’s reflection, and body tensed to spring.

“Are you sure?” he asked gruffly. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

He’d never asked her like this before. There had never been a true need for it. Nesta didn’t need to voice anything to Cassian when it came to sex, he just knew by instinct what she needed from him- what she craved, what she lusted for. Sure they were coarse with their language the entire time, but she didn’t need to say anything about what she needed from him. Or if she was sure of him. 

She was always sure of him. That was never the problem.

Cassian blew out a soft breath, the warmth tickling her cheek as he pulled a centimeter closer. “I just don’t want you to feel like anything needs to happen right now. It doesn’t. We can just...swim.”

Nesta raised her brows at him, impatience getting the best of her. She pulled him closer, as best as she could given how she was almost hanging off of him, and nipped the bottom of his ear with just enough bite to get him groaning.

Nesta placed a soft kiss to the underside of his ear, and then nuzzled her nose across his neck, grounding herself with his scent. 

“I don’t want to swim,” she whispered low in his ear.

A shudder went through Cassian as he held her tighter, and a smug bit of satisfaction coursed through her that she’d affected him so. 

“What do you want then?,” he asked asked through gritted teeth.

Nesta smirked against his clavicle and then without warning, licked up the column of his throat, savoring the taste of his sweat and something else that was utterly Cassian. That had Cassian grunting and bucking his hips just a fraction up to her. Already she could feel his hardness poking into her stomach.

Nesta fixed her eyes on Cassian’s, challenge rife in both hazel and blue. But she would not bend this time, not even if she wanted to beg for him to fuck her and fuck her now. 

Cassian broke first anyways.

He gave up any restraint he was holding onto and plunged his hands into her hair, pulling her roughly towards him to join their mouths.

Stroke for stroke she met every single movement of his mouth on hers, and then just to remind him how she wanted this to go, she bit down hard on his bottom lip, drawing blood. He pulled back, hissing, and she wondered if he didn’t appreciate it. But then Cassian gave her a feral grin, and the blood droplet that had gathered on his now swelling lower lip fell down his chin. She licked that up, body brimming with heat as his scent and taste filled her mouth.

Tang and copper and salt, and yet, somehow it was better than sweet honey in her mouth.

“You’re a naughty little thing aren’t you?,” he whispered into her ear, tracing the shell of the arched point before lightly nipping the top. She couldn’t help the yelp that escaped her at that, and Cassian chuckled darkly before backing away.

Before she could snarl at him to pick up the pace, to get to the point before she could remember everything she was trying to forget, one of Cassian’s hands snaked down to part her folds, thumb stroking her sensitive nub lightly. Just that small, teasing touch, and a burn began to build all over her skin.

One arm remained tightly wrapped around her waist, and Nesta held onto his shoulders with a fiercer grip as he used his other hand to pleasure her leisurely under the water. 

But she needed more.

Nesta shifted her hips impatiently, as much as her position would allow her to do, desperately craving more friction between her core and Cassian’s fingers.

“Naughty,” Cassian murmured, still not giving her what she desired. “What do you want Nesta?,” he demanded roughly.

Nesta keened at that, the pure command in his tone, no longer teasing or lighthearted. This was the Commander, and he had asked her a serious question. No more playing around, thank the Gods.

“I want...oh,” she interrupted herself as Cassian plunged two fingers into her tight channel. She moaned low in her throat as he began scissoring his hands in and out of her, the scent of both their arousals rising to meet them in a heady pull. 

She should finish the thought, yes, she should tell him she wanted to...Gods above that was good. So utterly good as Cassian reached to his member and placed it against her bundle of nerves, rubbing his tip over it. It was exquisite as he slid his length through her folds, slowly grinding his hips against hers, and yet never entering.

A different kind of torture for sure because Nesta knew she was close to breaking if he kept with the teasing any longer.

“Please,” she whimpered as he drove his hips towards her for the fifth time, still not inside of her in the way she wanted so much.

Cassian looked at her then, tearing his gaze away from between their joined hips under the water, and she felt undone under the scrutiny of his gaze.

Nesta was about to ask again, beg really, pride and ego be damned. But Cassian didn’t keep her waiting longer as he slammed his hips against hers, his thick length stretching her as he entered.

Nesta might have screamed, she couldn’t tell from the way she temporarily lost all sensation in her body, save for the one between her legs. Perhaps from the slight pain mixed with pleasure, from the size that was just too large to ever really get used to. Not that she’d ever want it any other way. He was the only one that could make her feel-

“Better?,” he asked, driving deep into her again, removing his hand from between where they were now joined to cup her breast. 

Gods yes.

He palmed it roughly, scraping a fingernail over a peaked nipple that caused her to whimper almost embarrassingly loud. But Nesta was beyond caring. Not when Cassian adjusted her on his hips to drive deeper, higher up, hitting a spot inside her that was as toe-curling as it was brilliant. It was so good, so exquisite at how it hinted at the pleasure she could reach if only she had...

“More,” she moaned, her hands barely able to hold onto his wet shoulders as he drove up into her over and over again. “I want more.”

A plea she would likely regret as soon as this was all over, but she wanted to be screaming with pleasure. Drowning in it. 

Cassian stopped moving inside of her then, weighing what she’d asked for. His eyes scanned the water around them, probably thinking the same thing she had already figured out. No balance, not enough grip on anything underneath them, and no way to stay upright as they worked each other harder and harder- no, the lake would no longer do for the kind of fucking she wanted. The kind he wanted too if she’d guessed correctly on the predatory intent in his eyes that was mirroring her own.

Cassian pulled out of her in a fluid motion and she hissed at that too. At the slight sting as he left and then again when the current swirled under them to her too sensitive skin. Then without warning, his arms wrapped her up to his chest, and Cassian brought them out of the water.

He set her down on shaky legs, her body still ramped from the unfinished sex and skin chilled from being wet and bare on a mountaintop. Cassian was quick in pulling out a towel from his pack- one she had no idea he’d been carrying this whole time. After she handed back the towel to him, body still damp but no longer as wet and cold as before, Cassian pointed at the sleeping bundle and told her to get in. She listened without asking how he planned to make them both fit. She’d let him finish toweling off first.

Answers came in the form of a zip on the side of the fluffy contraption that she hadn’t noticed. As Cassian pulled it free, more cloth and filling fell out, and Nesta realized there was indeed enough room for them to share the pack. 

Joy at knowing she wouldn’t have to deal with the hard, ground floor at night almost made her forget why they were here in the first place. Why they had left the lake so quickly and interrupted from what would have been a most interesting joining. Almost, but not quite.

Not at all actually when Cassian looked over her again, at the breasts on display, and at the only part of her covered by the blanket from her waist down. Cassian’s look alone had her core growing hotter, aching with need as she felt her wetness grow.

Cassian smirked at her, no doubt scenting her arousal from that one look.

Smug bastard.

But he didn’t tease her as he eased himself in beside her, laying her down before climbing over her.

“How do you want it?,” he asked gruffly, lips brushing over her neck, her jaw, her too tight skin almost bursting with longing.

Words failed her at that moment though. How to voice her desire for him, just how much she ached to be filled with him, and not come off as completely undone. But she’d been undone by Cassian long before they’d shared a bed together. Long before he’d even kissed her and his lips had been like fire reignited against her skin.

Nesta had been undone and ruined for Cassian the moment he’d tasted the skin on her neck as a human woman, leaning close to the heat of the fireplace behind them, lust and something more snapping stronger between them. 

“Do whatever you want,” she breathed, still not quite sure how she could breathe so calmly with how close they were. Almost nose to nose that she could count out exactly eight flecks of amber in his left eye, seven in his right. Some of his hair was drying and a few strands fell over his face, brushing over his eyes and her cheek. Before she could tell herself not to, her hands were already rising up to tuck the silky black strands behind his ear.

Cassian stilled as her fingers grazed the underside of his jaw, still holding the bottom of his hair now looped behind an arched ear. Then, so slowly she almost cried out in anticipation, Cassian nudged his face a few inches, leaning into her palm and pressing a soft kiss to its middle. A barely there kiss, a phantom touch, but she felt it like lightning had struck her palm and traveled all the way down her arm, hitting straight into her chest.

It wasn’t often that they indulged in...that. That being the softness in between their joinings. The tenderness she did not allow herself to wield and him to bask in. Nesta realized though, in that moment, how much they both had needed it. Had craved it.

The sex was world imploding for her. Him too she knew. But she would be lying to herself if she didn’t admit she longed for more, even if she knew that could never be. And Cassian wasn’t the problem.

She was.

If she let him, Cassian would stay in her bed long after being spent on each other’s ecstasy. If she let him, he would hold her, gentle and soft in all the ways their couplings were the opposite. If...but she never would.

Cassian did not need Nesta in the way that Nesta needed Cassian. Cassian was all things good, all things right in the world, and Nesta’s world had always been anything but that. Gone were the days when she could fantasize about being a sweet princess who would be saved by a dashing knight to save her from the fearsome monster who’d made her his prey.

Nesta was the monster. Nesta did not need saving by Cassian.

Cassian needed saving from her.

But perhaps, here, in this rugged terrain with not another soul around them for miles she could pretend. She might let herself indulge in the fantasy a little while longer.

That she was not this wretched mess that Cassian was so sure would heal and one day not be broken. That she could let Cassian hold her and she could touch him with gentleness and not have him shrink away from her in horror. Here in this vast unknown, Nesta and Cassian could just be them, with no one to judge or condemn either of them for what they wanted deep in their hearts.

So Nesta let herself forget and raised her neck to kiss him softly. A gentle kiss if they’d ever shared one before. It might have been their first since he’d pressed his lips to hers on that battlefield almost two years ago.

To her shock Cassian gave in with a groan, soft and reverent as his mouth moved on hers, so delicately she could have cried from it.

“Answer me,” he finally whispered, a broken male’s plea against her swollen lips.

“I told you. Whatever you want.” It was an impatient demand, one she knew did not tell him what she needed. But she figured she would let Cassian do whatever he was in the mood for. As long as the end result was him deep inside of her, driving her to brink of collapse, she cared little for how he’d take her.

“You said that to me once before. And I told you that’s not very fun. Do you remember?” As if to remind her of that first time they’d slept together, at the palace atop the Court of Nightmares, Cassian drew a hand up to her breast. Pinching her nipple just as he’d done with her then, her back arching in want from the sting of the pull and the pleasure of the sensation.

She did remember. It had been world shattering for her then too, that first time, and she had known from that one time alone, nothing and no one would ever be enough for her again. But she had no intention of letting Cassian in on that. So she dragged her hand out of his hair, creeping down his chest, his flexed stomach, and made to grab-

Cassian was faster. Twisting just so to circle her wrist and pin it down behind her head.

“Nesta,” he growled out a warning. 

“Fine,” she relented, almost whining at how long this was taking for her to just get him inside of her. “Fuck me like you did when I told you that. Like you did at the palace. Do that.”

Cassian’s face beheld an amused smile and she almost shied away from how brazen a request it was. “Whatever Lady Death needs,” he finally said.

She could have rolled her eyes at that comment. Probably did show something like it on her face, because Cassian huffed a laugh as he let go of her wrist and snaked it across the planes of her stomach, down to the apex of her thighs.

A groan caught in his throat as he cupped her, and Nesta hips arced up slightly at the unexpected touch, only coming down as Cassian soothed her with idle strokes along her folds.

Soft, lazy, and not at all what she needed in that moment. So Nesta ground her hips up against his palm, only for Cassian to pull back completely, kneeling between her spread thighs as perhaps punishment for being too demanding.

“Greed will get you nowhere,” he admonished, his fingers tickling slowly up the underside of her thigh. 

“So what will?,” she challenged. Perhaps not the wisest decision as Cassian leveled her with a calculating stare, mapping her breasts and flushed skin as he would any battleground. How to conquer as swift as possible, how to ruin with each timed attack of his fingers. His tongue perhaps being the first break against her fortress until the rest of him could follow suit.

Cassian did not answer her though. Instead he went back to her core, sliding two fingers up along the outside of her folds, joining atop the hood of her sex but never quite touching it fully. It drove her absolutely mad as he did this over and over, taunting that arch of sensitive flesh but never giving her what she wanted.

“So beautiful. So fucking wet. Is this for me, Nesta?,” he rasped as he slid two fingers inside of her easily. Nesta held in the moan, biting her lip and squeezing her eyes shut as he brought his other hand to press and rub her swollen bud that had been pleading for his attention.

To answer truthfully would have repercussions- taunts and arrogant comments on how good he was making it for her. Not answering may mean he’d torture her longer and draw out the teasing to an unbearable degree.

“You know it is,” she finally admitted.

Oh he liked that. So much so that Cassian gave her a broad smile, teeth glinting white in only the moonlight, and the beauty of it nearly stole her breath away. 

And then he withdrew his fingers from her, bringing them up so that they could both see the wetness coating them. He was a fiend she decided then. An absolute, filthy fiend as he slid the two fingers against each other, testing her wetness and want, before lifting them to his mouth and tasting her on them.

“Well you certainly taste like it,” he finally said after he was done.

Nesta snarled at the audacity and would have started grabbing for him again if he didn’t fix her with a stare that was so heated, so tantalizing, it had chills running over her skin.

“Turn around then.”

The command alone could have sent her careening over into climax with all the promise it held. Cassian’s tone was dark, so sensual that she briefly forgot to move onto her front, so enraptured she was by the male kneeling before her. Thankfully Cassian seemed to pick up on it, hefting her up by the waist and gently spinning her onto her stomach for her.

She knew the view before him would be his own undoing, just as Cassian, sweaty, shirtless and panting in the middle of training was hers.

“Just like last time?,” he asked, kissing a path up from the bottom of her spine to the eight-pointed star that bound them together. He rested his lips there longer than he needed to before brushing aside her hair and pressing a final kiss to the nape of her neck.

Nesta didn’t know if she could keep the tremor out of her voice but she’d do her best. “Just like last time,” she affirmed.

Cassian growled in approval, lifting her hips off the bottom of the sleeping bag as he straddled her from behind. 

“But,” she started, and Cassian stopped as soon as he heard it. 

That he would end this all with even the slightest of hesitation on her part hit something deep in her heart. Memories she’d smothered long ago of traveling hands and ripping skirts that she didn’t want to recall in this moment.

Nesta tried again, ignoring the horror that had resurfaced unexpectedly in her mind. “But, don’t hold back like last time. I want all of you, unrestrained.”

Cassian let out a noise of shock, or perhaps it was arousal. She turned her head to look at him from behind her shoulder, and amusement shone on his face. 

“I would have hurt you last time,” he explained. He was right, she knew that. Larger than any male she’d ever taken, coupled with the fact that she was a lot smaller than him and he too thick for her, she knew it would have hurt her had he not prepared her body slowly that first time.

But this was no longer their first time together. And if Nesta let herself dare to wish, she would hope that they would never part, not just for sex, but for everything else between them that was still unfinished.

“Maybe,” she admitted, “but you won’t anymore. And besides, I’m not afraid of a little pain.”

That got his attention. “You like pain, Nes?,” he chuckled as he asked, palms roving over the smooth expanse of her back in deliberate strokes along the sides of her spine. Kneading and pressing in all the right spots that she moaned at the small massage instead of answering.

“Not like,” she amended herself, “but I don’t mind it.” And then, just to get his blood boiling for all the teasing she’d been put through, Nesta added, “But I can like it if it’s done right.” The last bit was both a confession from her and challenge to him.

Pain and pleasure mingling together in a heady blend always worked for Nesta to heighten her senses with whatever she was doing in the bedroom. She didn’t need it every time, certainly not when Cassian alone was more than enough to utterly break her apart with each climax he gave her. But she did like it to some degree, and she knew Cassian wouldn’t judge her for it.

Cassian seemed to appreciate the bait she’d dangled before him, promptly dropping his head down to bite her shoulder in a quick nip that left her hissing. When his tongue flicked out to soothe the reddened skin, she knew he understood her then. Knew he’d know exactly how to make it hurt and burn, with pleasure and pain, just for her.

She felt him grip his cock behind her, rubbing it between her folds before aligning himself to her drenched entrance. When he didn’t move further, Nesta wriggled her ass back into him, and one of his hands came down to slap against the cheek, holding her away in a rough grip that did little to soothe the sting of his palm.

Nesta couldn’t help it. She moaned, loud and only slightly smothered by the ground underneath her.

“Like that don’t you?,” he murmured, knowing she’d never answer yes.

Yes she’d liked that very much...too much. 

Cassian shifted his hips, lifting her own up slightly off the ground to meet him better, and then he surged forward until he was completely sheathed.

Nesta didn’t know how each time they joined it felt like the first time. New and good and unexpected. Every time she felt different, better, even if they were to do the exact same thing over and over. It felt perfect in those moments, those stilled barely there moments between him entering her and then starting to move.

That moment of just being joined, being one with each other, never ceased to take her breath away. As if they’d been forged of the same fire that licked over her skin and made her feel warm and aching all over. As if whatever Gods had crafted her, had kept him in mind. How well he would fit in her, how perfectly she would take him, and how easily she would lose herself in him.

Thoughts of perfection and destiny quickly faded from her mind though as Cassian began thrusting in earnest into her. He was letting go, just like she’d asked for- at least, as much as he was allowing himself be.

Garbled moans and half screams filled the night air amidst his own grunts as he hit deep into her walls. So intoxicating and yet...something was missing. He was still locked away, not fully taking her in the way she knew he could do if she gave him full permission.

But she had told him to let go completely and he hadn’t listened, so now Nesta would need to change tactics. She clenched her inner muscles around him once, twice, and Cassian snarled at her, hands tightening their grip on her hips as if that would stop her from teasing him.

It was an impressive attempt though, she’d give him that, and Nesta laughed softly as she clenched around him again for good measure.

“Witch,” he snarled again, “You’ll ruin it all if you keep doing that.”

“Fuck me harder and I’ll stop,” she shot back.

“You’ll get hurt,” he grunted, and to her irritation, slowed down his thrusts as if to prove a point. Nesta leaned up on her elbows and turned her head to look at him. 

He was panting lightly, not from exertion but perhaps restraint. On himself, she realized, for that was full blown lust in her eyes to a depth he’d never let her see before. His hair framed his face in a wild, wind torn way, and she knew it was from what they were doing, and not the still air around them. That air was charged with something heated and sharp as their eyes met. Understanding on her part and remorse in his own. And then he pulled out of her in one fluid motion and Nesta had to strangle the urge inside of her that was ready to beg from him to come back.

“I’m fine,” she told him softly, perhaps more for his sake than hers.

“I don’t think so,” he admitted, and before she could strike down the truth he’d spilled, “and that’s fine.”

“No one expects...” he stopped, and then amended before continuing on, “I don’t expect you to be fine. I’d be worried if you were. But I don’t want to take you too roughly right now if-”

“Stop,” she interjected, patience completely gone, “You don’t want? What about what I want? You don’t get to decide what is good for me and what isn’t, what I can handle and what I can’t. Only I can make those decisions.”

“Nesta,” he soothed, trying to calm her down. Only she was beyond listening to reason, beyond caring.

“Do you know what I want Cassian?,” she asked.

Not waiting for a reply, Nesta pushed up with the flat of her palms until her back hit his chest, and turned her neck to look up at him. Cassian’s hands glided over her bare skin, wrapping a solid vice of muscle across her stomach to hold her to him. Everything was too hot, too much as she really felt the warmth seeping into her body from his chest, from his arm over her stomach that just brushed the swell of her breasts. And his breath, light and warm as well, fanning over her cheek as he beheld her a few inches below his face, was almost enough to get her completely calmed down. 

Almost.

Nesta told him sharply, “I am not a doll. You never treated me like I was breakable. Not like everyone else I know did and I liked that. Don’t start now.”

Cassian sighed, his head dropping down to brush his lips across her shoulder in a solemn kiss. In apology. “I’m not trying to Nes, but you had a rough couple of days. A hell week really. I’m not saying you’re breakable,” and he fixed his stare resolutely on her. “I just want to make sure you’re alright.”

Nesta didn’t say anything to that, instead wrapping her arm behind his neck and pulling him towards her. The kiss was slow, burning, and everything their heated frenzy earlier had not been. How long had it been since she’d let herself enjoy just this? Just...kissing him. The simplicity of it all.

But then Cassian nipped at her lower lip and just like that, she was liquid in his arms. Warmth pooled more and more in her core and she extracted one of her hands from his hair down to his hardened length. Gripping the broad head of him, she ran a finger over the slit, eliciting a hiss from Cassian that skittered over her skin like she wanted his hands to do.

Nesta murmured against his neck as she continued stroking him, “Do you know what I want?,” she repeated.

Cassian groaned a deep sound in the back of his throat as she gripped him tighter, just enough to bank on that line between pleasure and pain that she herself loved to toe. A line she was willing to bet Cassian could wrap her up in and ruin her with.

“I want bruises,” she whispered into his skin. “I want to see them for days afterwards, everywhere you touched me, and remember everything you did and how you left your mark on me while you fucked me.”

Cassian stopped moving and stopped breathing as he let her words settle into him. She peeked up at his expression through her lashes, wondering if what she’d asked for was too forward, even for them.

It wasn’t.

Cassian pressed a bruising kiss to her lips without warning, more teeth than tongue but she didn’t mind. His hand came out to wrap across the back of her neck and then he was pushing her back down to lay on her stomach. Perhaps it was the knowledge that she’d get exactly what she’d asked for now, but suddenly the fabric under her breasts and navel felt too scratchy- it was teasing her sensitive skin with every little jostle she made.

Nesta felt his fingers ghost down over her spine, over their shared ink and then the swell of her backside, resting in between her legs to cup her from behind. She moaned into her arm, stifling the sound before she could embarrass herself any further.

Cassian crept over her then, situating the hard planes of his body over her back, hand still slowly caressing her core in lazy circles. Just when she thought he’d finally start with her, Cassian came up to her ear and whispered down to her.

“Who does this belong to Nesta?,” he asked, sliding two fingers into her sex.

She whimpered at the motion, the easy slickness that he was feeling around him.

“Answer,” the command came to her. It wasn’t often that she let males use that dominating tone on her, or even bothered to let herself bend to it without putting up a fight. But giving up control to Cassian was a different sort of release, as welcome as it was heady. “Answer or I’ll stop right now Nesta,” he lightly threatened.

“You,” she finally breathed out.

“Good girl,” he crooned, the praise going straight to her core, making her painfully aware of how wet and unfilled she still was. She got a kiss on her spine for her answer and if he hadn’t moved away so quickly, it could have been her lips too. But he was denying her, teasing her all over again.

“And this?,” he asked, rubbing her smoothly over her bundle of nerves. "Who does your pleasure belong to Nesta?”

“You,” she quietly revealed.

Finally, he pushed his cock to her entrance, not quite entering, but the head of him just starting to stretch her opening slightly.

“And who rides you hard enough to make you come Nesta?” His hands crept into her hair, tangling into a mess as he clenched around the roots.

“You.”

It was all he needed to move forward, sliding in and in and in until she was so filled she could have screamed. When his hips snapped, she knew she was done for.

Uninhibited, wild, and unchecked was all that Cassian had become then. All that he had made her become too with how vigorously he began pumping into her. Harder and harder he rammed into her, hands pulling back sharply on her hair until her back arched so much so that she could look up at him above her.

He slowed to leisurely thrusts as he let go of her hair, instead circling his hand across her throat. Not enough to make her cry out, but squeezing with just enough pressure to make her keen backwards into him, lifting her head up in a silent plea that he answered as he slanted his mouth down to hers.

He tasted like her, at least some part of him did since he’d put his fingers to his mouth while still coated with her essence. He also tasted like embers and mountain-kissed wind and Nesta knew even if she kissed him everyday for the rest of her immortal life, it would not be enough to sate the longing he’d awakened in her.

“Cassian,” she whispered raggedly, no longer able to form enough words with all the intoxicating pleasure erupting through her body.

Thankfully, Cassian had never needed Nesta’s words to know what she wanted from him. 

“I know. I know,” he murmured into her hair.

He didn’t let go of the hand circling her throat, even when he pushed her back to lay flat on her front again. This time, Cassian pressed his complete weight down on her, and damn it all but she had never felt more alive feeling pushed like that. His hand from under her closed tighter her around her neck and a broken sound escaped her lips. His other hand drifted down between her legs, pleasuring her as he pressed his weight at her back completely on her.

There was no part of them that wasn’t touching as he began to move again inside her. And he when he returned to the pace he’d left off at, hard enough for his balls to slap her skin as he pounded into her, his muscled chest heaving along her back, Nesta knew she’d come with his name screaming from her lips within minutes.

She had been right. 

Just as she’d felt Cassian’s breath begin to shutter, she knew he was close, and so did he, as he moved his fingers faster against her and began to coax a climax from her in time with his thrusts. Just the right angle timed with a rolling of her swollen bud had her crying out for him and only him, over and over until she crested into climax. It was so jarring she screamed into the night, the echo bouncing around the open mountain air the high wore on and on until she boneless under him.

It didn’t take long for him to follow her down, gasping her name in a chant as he spilled into her so forcefully with his thrusts, that some of it began to leak out onto her thighs long before he left her channel.

And then...true silence, save for their quiet panting as time began to speed back up to reality.

“Gods,” he gasped finally, pressing a chaste kiss over her tattoo, barely able to keep his weight off of her anymore. She wondered what he would say if she told him she wouldn’t care if he completely fell over her, just as long as they never stopped touching.

“I know,” she conceded quietly. And that was all she said, all she could say given how spent she’d become. 

They did not move for some time. Perhaps from the force of their climaxes that had left them weak or perhaps because they didn’t know who would move away first and declare that rift once more.

It was always Cassian who left her in her bedroom. But this was not her bedroom in the House of Wind and they no longer had the luxury of separate beds. Really, they didn’t have the luxury of a bed at all but who was really keeping track. Certainly not Nesta who could still feel the jagged edges of small rocks that she’d slept on top of for the past week aching in her muscles.

When Cassian rolled off of her, she almost pleaded at him to not, to stay against her forever, bare skin to bare skin, forever entwined.

She peeked a glance beside her, arm thrown over his forehead as his chest continued heaving, his skin now glistening lightly with a thin layer of sweat. She had to be in worse condition, hair likely frizzed from his pulling and lips swollen and flushed. She couldn’t find it in herself to care though. Not when it meant she had been marked in some way by him, even if the signs would eventually fade from her skin with time.

Nesta turned on her side if only to look at him properly. She’d get away with it too, considering his eyes were shut tight and he’d never catch her ogling. 

She wanted more though. Couldn’t get enough of him, of them, and she knew that it didn’t matter how roughly he’d just taken her, how hard she’d come, hard enough to see stars temporarily. It would never be enough.

Cassian opened his eyes unexpectedly and turned on his side too then, facing her. If he didn’t say a word, she would have been fine with it, would have been content to just stare into his eyes and get lost in the moss and amber that called to her like nothing ever had before.

“Are you alright?” A shadow of worry lingered on his face. “I wasn’t too rough was I?”

“I’m fine Cassian. Stop worrying about me.”

In fact, if you want to be worried about something, just fuck me again and I’ll feel loads better.

Cassian reached out a tentative hand to stroke along her neck and Nesta felt it then. The soreness from where he’d gripped her neck.

“You’re bruising,” he said, horror alight in his eyes.

“I asked for that,” she reminded him gently. But Cassian couldn’t stop being transfixed by her skin, and though she couldn’t see the light purple beginning to bloom, she could feel it’s tightness. A subtle ache which may have been upsetting for some, but for Nesta all it did was spur her desire into molten ore again, and just like that, she was ready for him. 

“Nesta...,” he began, clearly about to chide her and likely ask to examine her neck again.

He needed the distraction, clearly she thought, still not moving away from where he’d marked her. So Nesta sidled closer and tucked under his own neck, leaving him no room to fuss over her anymore. She pressed her lips softly to the hard knot at his throat and then an open mouthed kiss to his collarbone. 

“Mmm, that’s nice Nes, but let me just look.” He tried again, inching his hands to her neck, but she was quicker.

She deftly twisted his fingers with her own, interlacing them and moving them to rest at her waist. “If you want to use your hands so badly, I can think of better ways to put them to work,” she whispered against his skin, licking a tendril of black ink across his chest.

He peered down at her for that comment, and to her delight, it seemed to work as he let go of her hand to rest along her midriff. He then glided down over her navel, erupting gooseflesh all over her body, and then rested his hand firmly at the top of her sex, not quite down along the folds where she wanted him.

“You’re still soaked with me,” he sighed, pulling himself closer until she could slip one of her legs between his long, muscled ones.

Nesta smiled, still too cuddled up to his chest to look at him properly, knowing how handsome he’d look with the small smirk that would no doubt be playing along his lips.

“Is that a problem?,” she asked coyly, running a hand down his chiseled stomach, marveling at the muscle that flexed underneath.

“Fuck no,” he growled, finally teasing two fingers down her slit, gathering his seed and her essence from her opening and then slowly rubbing it along the apex of her sex. 

She mewled at the sensation, just this side of heaven until Cassian stopped and flick her sharply, eliciting a hiss from her at the small hurt. At the sting that bordered on pleasure, bunched into a lustful combination that had her canting her hips along his hand as he continued working her wetness. Nesta dug her hand deeper into his chest when Cassian slipped two fingers inside and curled upward. The shock at the feeling had her nails pushing sharply into his skin, so hard that she smelled blood in the air and could faintly make out arcs of red on his chest when she moved her hand away.

“I don’t mind,” he reassured her. And then with a savage grin he leaned close enough to brush his lips to hers, before adding, “I also like it when you mark me Nes. Hard enough so that I can see them days afterwards and remember how good you felt when I fucked you.”

Nesta couldn’t handle it anymore, this relentless teasing with his hand and his words pushing her closer to another climax. She grabbed his hand and moved it away from her thighs, pushing him back down from his side, careful of the wings underneath them. And then Nesta climbed over his powerful legs astride him in the way she’d been craving for since she’d entered the lake with him.

Cassian’s hands came up to rest on the tops of her thighs, digging into the supple flesh that she hoped he’d mark too.

“You didn’t even let me taste you,” he told her with a bemused pout.

Nesta laughed at that, gliding her nails softly down his chest, making sure to grind her lower half against his as she did so. Cassian’s hips bucked up to her, sending warmth pooling in her core at his hard, hot length brushed against her ass.

Cassian’s hands skittered over her stomach and Nesta fought for control to not squeal at how much it tickled. No doubt if Cassian ever found out, he’d never leave her alone. But thoughts of all that quickly fled her mind as he came to cup her breasts with both hands, a greedy look taking over his face. Kneading and tugging just how she liked it, Nesta groaned quietly at the sensation, grinding down harder on him as he canted up to her.

“I love seeing this,” he murmured before rising up at the waist to lock his mouth around her breast, caressing the nipple in small teasing licks that had her whining. 

“Seeing what?,” she managed to ask, almost lost to all reason except for how good he felt under her and how good his mouth felt on her pebbled skin.

Cassian switched to the other side of her chest, ignoring her question and lavishing all of his attention on her other breast. It left her wanting, so much so that she grabbed his hand and placed it brazenly on her other one. He chuckled at that but heeded her desire with a firm squeeze, the vibration around her nipple sending her gasping as she dove her hands into his snarled hair. Harder she tugged on the night black strands as he continued licking and kissing at her breasts, switching between them over and over until her skin was raw and reddened from his mouth. As were his lips which she hungrily captured to her own, savoring the taste of his skin mingled with the scent of her own.

“I love seeing you atop me, ready to ride me. It’s the perfect view. I can see your beautiful breasts,” he moaned, palming one of them roughly again. “You don’t know how much I loved these, from the moment I first saw you in your old home as a human. You don’t know what it did to me.”

Nesta had some idea, always catching his quick glances down that he thought he was being discreet about. She’d hated how men leered at her before- whether they were stupid boys or older men. She hated them all as they sized up her body like a prize to be taken. To hurt and touch without her permission.

But when Cassian would look at her...

Even without having ever taken a male to bed before, barely even enjoying kissing them, Nesta had lost all reason and propriety from the moment Cassian’s heated gaze had met her own. She had wanted his lips on her, his lips at her breasts, his mouth moving between her legs in the way that her romance novels regaled about. She wanted him, but more than that, she wanted him to want her. To take her over and over in every way she could tell he wanted to as well. But she had never let herself act on it, save for that moment of weakness when he’d come to deliver a letter for the human Queens. 

That day had been her undoing.

But this...what they were doing now. 

This was her unleashing.

“What did it do to you?,” she asked, breathless with the knowledge that his answer would likely shatter every ounce of control she was trying to keep, and she’d want to start riding him rather than letting him prolong his foreplay.

Cassian kissed fire up the column of her throat, sucking hard on the delicate skin above her pulse point. “I wanted to taste them, taste all of you. I wanted you on your knees, sucking me down your throat just how you do now, hard and deep, and then I wanted to see how perfect you’d look when I came all over them.” 

Mother above. So crude, and yet, she couldn’t help but relish in it. 

“Would you have let me?,” he whispered along her clavicle, pressing a chaste kiss to her shoulder.

Nesta thought about it for a few moments as he grazed his nose slowly along her throat, content to let him explore in a way she didn’t allow much back in Velaris. She would have, she decided. Even if she’d never been turned Fae, with the way he had flirted and fought back to her from their first day together, and the way she’d been enraptured by his presence, she’d have let him take her to his bed.

“Yes,” she said simply.

He backed up to face her properly with a small grin on his face that could only mean trouble. “You’re telling me,” he began incredulously, “that the woman who I met, as a human, who wore layers and layers of skirts, who hadn’t ever been with a male before, wouldn’t even let me kiss her, would have let me do all that?”

She snorted. “I would have let you kiss me. I just didn’t like your arrogance that day.” 

Then, just to play with his ego a little more, Nesta leaned forward and purred in his ear, “If you’d returned another day without the attitude, I’d have let you do anything you wanted with me.” 

“Anything?”

“Anything,” she confirmed.

Cassian gave her a wicked grin as he leaned back on the palms of his hands. “Would you have let me lift up those skirts and fuck you over your desk? What about these sweet, pretty lips?,” he traced a finger along the seam of her mouth and she darted out her tongue to swirl around it. “Would you have let me fuck them too? Swallow every drop I gave you?”

She shouldn’t have answered, not with the filth he was spewing that made her toes curl. But it couldn’t be helped- he’d see the truth in her eyes.

“I would,” she insisted. “I don’t know why you think I wouldn’t. If I hadn’t been taken by Hybern and turned-”

She stopped herself, realizing the mistake she’d made. How much she’d revealed about what lay in her heart. If he’d wanted to bed her as a human woman, she would have allowed it eagerly. If he’d wanted more, she would have wanted that too. But being turned by the Cauldron, coupled with Elain’s catatonic state and Feyre’s dangerous liaisons as spy in her former Court, had all left Nesta reeling. There had been no time for a relationship when her own head felt like it would burst with each day she lived in the strange Fae world of her youngest sister. She was just now beginning to acclimate to the new home.

There had been no time for Cassian, or so she told herself.

Cassian, of course, knew where she’d been going, but he didn’t push further, simply leaning forward to kiss her softly. She returned it with equal gentleness, ignoring the small voice in her head that was telling her to stop. That she’d set up their rules for a reason, to keep it only physical, and these lingering touches and kisses were not and should not be allowed.

“I wanted you so much after that day. I ached to have you,” he whispered raggedly against her lips. He didn’t need to tell her which day. The day she’d kneed him in the balls if only to emerge victorious from a situation where she wasn’t wholly sure who had won and who had lost by the end of it. The day she’d almost kissed him and would have gladly let him take her to bed, had reason and shock not been at the forefront of her mind.

“I did too,” she admitted quietly, before tangling her hands into his hair again, driving her tongue around his in a wicked, sensual dance.

“Did you think of me?,” he asked, grinding his hips into hers again, his hand coming to rest at her hip in a light grip. “Did you slip those lovely fingers in between your legs and fuck yourself with them, thinking about me? Did I make you wet Nesta?”

She moaned at the richness of his voice, at all the terrible, delicious things it was saying to her. All the things he was asking and being utterly right about. Her hand hadn’t been enough to forget him and his muscled body, that voice or those eyes, but she’d curved her fingers into herself each night afterwards hoping it would.

“That’s not an answer,” he reminded her, nipping at the tip of her pointed ears in punishment.

“Yes,” she murmured finally. “I was soaked every night thinking about you. And it didn’t matter how much I touched myself, it was never enough.”

There should have been shame, or at least some embarrassment at admitting something so personal. But Nesta could not find it in herself to summon any of it, and the opportunity left as soon as Cassian whispered that he too, just couldn’t be sated by his hand when he thought of her.

“We’re a sad pair aren’t we?,” Cassian finally said after they’d stared at each other for a few moments.

For so many reasons, yes, we are.

Cassian cleared his throat, realizing what he’d just said out loud. “I mean, I wanted you and you wanted me, and we never acted on it. Think of all the great sex we could have been having.”

A poor attempt at a cover up if she’d ever seen one, but she laughed anyways because he was right about that too. Things certainly would have been very different if she’d pursued anything at all with him as a human. Maybe the transition to becoming Fae would have been more palatable, more bearable.

“You’re disgusting, but you’re right. It would have been great. Such a shame really,” she teased laughingly. 

“I think we make up for it rather well though, don’t you?” There was a mischievous glint in his eyes, and the could have sworn she saw stars dance in them. He palmed her ass for good measure, as if to prove his point further.

There was no need. Nesta was already two steps ahead of him as she lightly pushed him to lay down, locking her legs tighter around his hips.

Cassian’s hands skimmed over her waist, drawing a rattled breath from her before they rested calmly at the curves of her hips. Nesta reached for his cock, eager and demanding behind her, and lifted herself up with Cassian’s help before impaling herself down on it.

A high-pitched gasp escaped her lips before she could gather her thoughts, check herself and her pounding heart to calm down. She’d done this so many times before, and yet, somehow it felt different. Freer. Perhaps it was where they were and the fact that they’d shared so much in the past couple hours than Nesta had ever shared with anyone in her entire life.

Cassian seemed to be struggling to keep calm in a similar predicament underneath her. His hands kept their grip loose around her hips, but his eyes were wild with desire. But that gentleness would not do for her. She laid her own hand atop his fingers, and pressed them in hard. 

“Bruises,” she reminded him lightly. This time though, he didn’t stop himself from digging painfully into her waist, and she thanked him secretly for giving into her convoluted desires.

Nesta laid her palms over his chest, a dark thrill racing along her spine as Cassian looked up at her in wonder. Wonder and something more that she didn’t want to linger too long on.

“Nesta,” he rasped. “Nesta.”

“I know,” she whispered back, rising up slightly and taking him deeper.

Nesta moved on Cassian slowly, slower than she’d ever bothered to do before, luxuriating in the slide of his thick cock stretching her with every flex of her hips.

Deeper.

Deeper.

She took him in all the way to the hilt, until she could feel him hit that elusive spot in her most innermost walls. Nesta hissed as the head of him brushed it, and sharp, shocking pleasure rippled through her core and her stomach. Cassian seemed to have caught onto what she’d felt, and she felt him adjust his legs and then begin ramming up into her as she came crashing down.

“Oh, Gods right there,” she gasped.  

Surely Nesta was leaving claw marks down his chest, the tang of his blood filling the small space of air between their slick bodies. But Nesta was too far gone to stop, grinding down on him harder as he bucked up into her, sharp snarls and breathy gasps punctuating the air in a seductive call and answer. For everything she threw at him, he gave her all of it back just as well. Better even. Harder. Rougher.

It was exactly what she needed. He had known. She hadn’t, but he had. Which was why he had let her take the reigns, literally, for this settling of her soul as she let out every tangled emotion from the week’s events. As she rode him harder, faster, the only sounds between them were his occasional grunt and her own pants, marked with every obscene sound of the slide of his cock in her wet heat. 

And Nesta knew, as she crested into another glorious climax, her world would never again be the same. Never again would another male be a good substitute in her bed for this male underneath her. Never again would her body crave and lust for anyone other than the warrior whose mouth tasted like heaven and body burned like hell. Not as she came with a cry of his name, back arched and nails gouging into his skin, as if his very lifeblood was the only thing left as further proof of how deeply enmeshed they had become. 

Cassian’s eyes were shut long after they’d come down from their high, his chest moving with his deep breaths against her. She would have thought him sleeping if his hand hadn’t been caressing her thigh in soft, deliberate circles. Nesta couldn’t find it in herself to say anything either though, so she didn’t do anything more than climb off of him and curl into his side.

For the heat. That was what she told herself. And when Cassian looped an arm under her waist and pulled her back to his chest, she said it to herself again.

Just body heat.

She didn’t know how long she stayed awake, pressed up against him, simply enjoying how right it felt. How many hours had passed, Nesta had no idea. She also didn’t know what they would become the moment they returned to Velaris. Perhaps it would be Nesta who would start the first argument in her goal to push him away. Maybe Cassian. But probably Nesta. If only to keep her pride intact and act as if he hadn’t fought closer into her heart this week. With how he’d stayed and listened through it all, and then held her so gently she thought she too may break in the way he seemed to fear she would.

Here though, was not Velaris. Here was peace, of a different sort. She did not bother to think of tomorrow in this place. Right now she just wanted to stay with Cassian in every way she’d denied herself back in the House of Wind. Let him wrap her up in-

“You’re supposed to be sleeping,” he spoke in a hushed tone into her shoulder. And then he dropped a quick kiss there too, for good measure, as if his words weren’t enough to garner her attention, so he’d switched to the physical touch they always seemed to work best with.

“I’m just thinking,” she admitted. 

All the things I shouldn’t be thinking about.

“Such as?,” he asked playfully, knocking his head against the crevice of her neck.

You. Always you.

“Nothing. Go to sleep.”

Cassian slid the hand curved under her to trace the underside of her breast with careful control. “I don’t want to sleep,” he told her in a low, deep voice that was enough to make her skin tighten. Her breasts ache. Her core pound with need, all over again.

She huffed a laugh. “Of course. What do you want then?”

Cassian didn’t answer, showing her instead. He unfurled the wing draped over her body and rose to loom over her. His wings, usually tucked in tight when she was with him, were flared out on both sides as he lifted himself over her body. Black as night, black as death itself maybe, they were beautiful. She’d been captivated by his wings from the moment they’d met, so powerful and yet delicate, they contradicted everything just by being. She met his hazel eyes, glowing like honeyed faelights, and did not balk from the stare that likely sent others scattering. The silky strand of hair falling over the scar on his eyebrow did little to lessen the command and raw sensuality of his gaze. 

A conquering lord of war. Her very own. Maybe not forever, maybe not even once the week was out. But for now...yes.

Hers.

Cassian’s kiss was rough and demanding and the compulsion to join so soon again beat between them like their pounding hearts. His hands trailed up the sides of her body, caressing her skin with callouses that soothed just as much as they incited desire. Those hands made their way to her hair, tangling gently as he continued kissing her. 

Nesta’s own hands couldn’t help but itch forward and clasp firmly behind his neck. Holding him to her as he was doing with her face as well, pulling lightly at the hair, just enough to make him growl against her lips.

But she swallowed his half snarl with a moan of her own as he ground his hips into her core. Slow, calculated, taunting undulations of his hips that he knew were the root of all the unfettered noises escaping from her mouth. He was making her wild, ravenous with a hunger she’d never known she could live without before him.

Cassian broke their kiss first, but his forehead was touched to her own in an almost bow. “I love those little sounds you make when I touch you,” he murmured over her jaw, dragging a hand down her neck and then lower to cup her breast. “So responsive.”

“Only to you,” she admitted. Recklessly admitted, because he hadn’t known that she was quiet with her previous bedmates save for a few cries here and there if they knew what they were doing. But Cassian was not a casual bedmate. Not a quick fuck. He was... a lover she supposed. She’d never had one before, never really contemplated if it was something she even wanted, but that was what they were, she realized.

Lovers.

Cassian drew back to take her in, take in the small confession, and something melted in his characteristically open expression. It paved the way for something even more tender, a look he rarely gave anyone, regardless of how affectionate he could be. And she just knew, it was only one she’d seen on him directed towards her. Something akin to a warm glow grew in her chest at the revelation.

And it was bliss.

Sheer, unadulterated, bliss when they joined again. Cassian had pulled her up, grasping her legs and placing them over his own with her back to his chest. She’d never ridden him this way, but from the first thrust up into her, Cassian’s hand banding across her stomach to keep her upright, she knew she may always take him like this from then on. It was a different sort of angle, a different sort of pleasure as he kept his thrusts shallow and drawn out. They moved as one, writhing along each other, Nesta’s hands tangling behind her head into his own locks.

If she pulled too hard for comfort, Cassian made no comments about it. In fact, they didn’t talk at all as Cassian’s lips were firmly attached to her neck, kissing, suckling, and leaving small bites and bruises just like she’d asked for. As he drove his hips up into hers again, dragging along a particular spot that she’d never paid attention to before, Nesta felt something tighten and burn inside of her. That pressure, unrelenting and intoxicating began to build, until it was almost unbearable for Nesta to do anything more than let Cassian buck up into her, her body almost limp with the pleasure that had built to a dizzying degree.

“Let go,” he whispered, dragging his hands down to rove over her legs, grasping the thighs that overlaid his own gently. “Let go Nesta.”

Nesta whimpered, as he did that thing again. Surging his cock upward against her walls, towards her front in a way he’d never tried before. “It’s too much,” she panted. “I can’t...I can’t.”

She could feel his smirk along her cheek, and Gods damn it all, but the arrogance alone made her grow even more wet. Cassian tilted her chin back and kissed her softly, the rhythm of his hips never faltering once. But that tenderness soon left them as the heat returned. As the passion erupted from her lips and into his, tongues clashing, and swallowed gasps in between.

He caught on quickly to what she wanted, this endless pursuit of pleasure, high as it made her feel, had grown too much and she needed an end. She needed  release from the precipice she’d been kept on by Cassian’s wicked intent. He’d drawn out her pleasure to such a degree that she’d come to nearly sobbing when he finally gave into her whims.

The sinews on his arms tightened as he draped his arm across her waist, firmly grasping her hip, while his other hand palmed her breast roughly. Nesta could only hold on tighter, clasping her hands behind his neck as he began to fuck her with abandon.

She broke their kiss, unable to think as he thrust faster, more and more of that fiery ecstasy flooding her veins, until all that was, all that could ever be, was her and him till the very end. The sounds coming from her had edged into something more carnal than she’d ever allowed herself to utter. Cassian too was a male undone, almost frantic as he fucked her harder, his own groans having dissolved into pleasure of a different sort, an animalistic sort.

“Oh god,” she choked out, “Cassian..."

Cassian chuckled, his brutal pace unwavering as he flicked out his tongue to the tipped shell of her ear. “God or Gods, Nesta?,” he crooned, “Seems you’re not in control of your words.”

Nesta could not answer, could not explain the slip of her tongue had been from how horribly wrecked she felt. How horribly wrecked he was making her feel.

Cassian laughed again. A dark, sinful rasp of a laugh that heated her blood and traveled down to her core. “Am I your God Nesta?”

Nesta would blame it on being on the brink of climax if he ever asked her about her answer again. She’d regret it and curse herself for humiliating herself in such a way later. Right now though...

“Yes,” she keened. “You are.”

Cassian husked low into her ear, “Shall you be my goddess queen then, Nesta?”

“Yes,” she breathed. She could be his goddess. And he her warrior god of bloodshed. “Yes, Cassian.”

“Then come for me, my queen.”

His words threw her violently into climax, and she clenched around his pulsing member, fluid releasing from her as she screamed his name over and over. It lasted longer than ever before as Cassian kept driving up into her, his own release spurting out and mingling with hers, making her rise higher and higher as it became a never-ending torrent unleashing from her.

She did not know anything then save for a small vestige of self and sanity. The rest of her was too consumed by this male against her, ripping her soul from her body and infusing only his name as replacement. All she knew was Cassian, all she felt was Cassian, and all she held close to her heart was Cassian. 

Nesta laid her head against Cassian’s shoulder as she caught her breath, his own breathing shuttered against her back. Eventually heat began to creep into her cheeks as she realized how wet everything was around them. She peeked down and beheld the liquid between her legs, smeared with his own seed and running all over his thighs as well.

“I’ve made a mess of you,” she remarked softly, remembering his own words to her once, now finally understanding what he’d meant.

Cassian stiffened, remembering too, but then he kissed her cheek lightly. “I like it,” he told her with a short laugh.

“We can’t sleep here tonight. It’s all...”

Wet, but she couldn’t say it. The sleeping bundle was utterly drenched in their release from this time, and scenting of their previous coupling as well. A beautiful, chaotic mess that they’d made which, as much as she enjoyed seeing, would not allow her to sleep soundly in.

Cassian groaned, lifting her off of him and softly placing her to his side. “There’s another one in the pack. Come on,” he said to her, getting up to his feet and reaching a hand down to haul her up.

They washed in the lake a second time that night, Cassian keeping his hands to himself and Nesta just barely restraining herself from tugging him close and kissing his lips. It wasn’t sex that she wanted again. No, she was perfectly sated now, and if the small tremors in her thigh were any indication, her body wouldn’t last another round anyways. She distracted her hands by washing their clothes in the lake, Cassian chuckling as he beheld her in only his spare shirt kneeling over the water and trying to get the dirt out.

His words wouldn’t stop replaying over and over in her head. Not when they crawled into the new sleeping bundle. Not when he kept as much distance in between their bodies as possible. Not when she gave into her weakness and pushed backwards into his side and not when he pulled her close, curling his body and wing over her.

He had said it like a prayer, like a hymn to only be uttered in a temple or perhaps a dais for a long forgotten deity. Yes, it had been when they were almost delirious on pleasure, and yes he hadn’t said it again.

But Nesta could not and would not forget the words he’d uttered to her, so gently his command had been as he’d ordered her to let herself fall into release for him. With him. 

The words blazed fiercely in her heart long after she’d fallen asleep against him. Long after the next two days as they trained and coupled, sometimes in a frenzy, sometimes languid and slow. They burned and flourished, day into night, and night back into day, even when they left the mountain and returned to Velaris.

My queen, he had called her.

He made her believe it too all those months later on Solstice Night. And when she was sure he’d fallen asleep, those golden threads still shimmering between them, gilded with love and understanding, Nesta whispered her promise back against his heart.

“Your queen.”

~***~

Tagging: @bookstantrash @my-mad-fan-diary, @onceupona-chaos, @loosingdreams  @duskandstarlight  @greerlunna @queenestarcheron @queenofbloodshed @cassianscool @sjm-things @perseusannabeth  @courtofjurdan @vasudharaghavan @sayosdreams @moe8  @arielle-reads @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @nahthanks @oversizedbats @swankii-art-teacher @inardour @rowaelinismyotp @starryblueskies7 @nestaarcher0n @vidalinav @nessiantrashh 

347 notes • Posted 2021-03-06 19:49:38 GMT

#2

I don’t see it as a romance, but I think Eris would be very protective of Elain. Like how Cassian and Azriel are for Feyre, I think Eris would be the brooding older brother for Elain that would always scare people away from her, especially if she visits the Autumn Court because people are mean there and he loves how sweet Elain is, like his mom, and he can’t stand anyone treating her poorly. And after everything with Jessminda, he vows to keep this woman safe for Lucien’s sake, in a way to make up for how he failed him the first time.

Damn I do be simping for Eris now too.

351 notes • Posted 2021-03-01 15:25:14 GMT

#1

Suits

Notes: I can't believe I actually did this. It started as a harmless post by @nessiansimp and here we are. I did not edit this much. I just wrote it non-stop for 3 hours because I couldn't not. Also, I know the title is basic. I don't care. I'm obsessed with Suits right now so that's what you're getting. Also, I know nothing about law school except for Legally Blonde, Suits, and Google searches. So I apologize in advance for all the stuff I portray incorrectly.

Summary: Nesta is stressed the day before her first day of classes in Law School. She calls up a familiar face to set herself at ease, not realizing just what trouble she's about to get into. A student/teacher fic. Everyone is an adult!

Warnings: NSFW, swearing

~*~

Nesta turned her phone on and off again, for the sixth time in a row. She needed to get her head straight.

She'd be starting school again tomorrow. Her first day of law school. Her first day of law school.

Fuck, she needed a drink. Or dick. Preferably both.

But there was no way he was awake at...she glanced at the clock. Way past midnight. No way in hell.

It won't hurt to try.

No it definitely wouldn't. The worst that could happen was he didn't pick up, and Nesta went to bed like she should have done 3 hours ago. But the nerves...

The nerves were going to end her if she didn't let herself loose a little.

Picking up her phone one more time, dialing the number from memory, she lifted it to her ear, listening to the ring and wondering if she'd hear something different.

"Yeah?"

The voice was deep and masculine and utterly perfect. At least, she'd found it to be, from the second she'd heard it.

"Can you come over?" Nesta didn't bother with trivial cover-ups. She needed to sleep and she had no plans of using alcohol to get it done. Not the day before classes started. Mindblowing sex would just have to do for the night.

Nesta couldn't see his face, but she knew the grin that'd be playing on his face at her request. He'd say yes. He always did. And within fifteen minutes, she heard the knock on her apartment door, telling her that she had been right to call him.

He hadn't let her down yet.

Cassian looked just as good at two in the morning as he did at any normal hour of the day. Shirt clinging to his muscled torso, a peek of black ink at his collar that she knew crept all over his chest, back and arms. And the telltale leather jacket that had made her want him in the first place. It was either that or the hair. Or the hazel eyes. Maybe it was just all of him. He was too beautiful for words on most days, and in her current sleep-deprived state, Cassian looked like a god.

A smirk played on his lips as he asked her, "Are you going to stare all day or can I at least come in first before you jump me?"

Nesta rolled her eyes but moved away from the doorway to let him in. He snuck in a quick glance at her own attire and she inwardly cringed at the fact that she was wearing only an oversized T-shirt and no pants. Not that it really mattered considering what they were about to go on to do. But, that stupid smirk on his face, the knowing look in his eyes, had her irritated.

Insufferable ass. That was why she'd kept it so casual with him. Gods knew they'd tear each other to pieces if it ever became more than just physical between them.

Cassian didn't go to her bedroom, instead stopping in her small kitchenette, drinking from her bottle in the fridge. It was almost domestic to see it happen, and Nesta almost laughed at it. Almost even smiled at him and the sight of him like this.

Almost.

"Let's go, I have an early morning tomorrow," she called from the hallway, knowing he'd follow. He knew the layout of her small but functional apartment. She knew all about his too considering she preferred to go over to his place rather than he come to her.

She didn't like to show the cheap secondhand furniture she'd purchased with Emerie and Gwyn's help from a thrift store. Or the fraying carpet and cramped hallways. It was home for her. At least for now. But that didn't mean she didn't feel slightly embarrassed by it each time Cassian visited.

She likely never would have felt so strongly about it, had she not gone home with him one night instead of the other way around.

Condo didn't seem like a good enough word. Cassian was rich. In all the ways that Nesta's family had been a long time ago. Maybe he was richer. She really didn't know nor was she going to ask. All she knew was that his bedsheets felt like heaven and everything in that damned apartment was a guilty pleasure. From the type of coffee he had to the stupid multiple settings in his showerhead.

Cassian entering the room behind her dragged her away from her thoughts on who had more money and better showerheads.

He'd taken off the leather jacket somewhere and Nesta took in the plain black button up that outlined the cord of muscles all over him. She wanted to tear it off of him.

Cassian began unbuttoning his shirt walking towards her. Nesta backed up, caught in his thrall, in the snare of his glinting eyes. When he reached her, the back of her legs had already hit the mattress of her bed. His shirt had already been discarded. Nesta raised a hand to his chest, to trace the tattoos, to maybe follow the outline with her tongue afterwards.

But Cassian caught her by the wrist, stopping her advances. He went for her shirt instead. Pulling it up above her waist and then her head as she lifted her arms to help him.

He growled as he took her in then. She hadn't bothered with a bra. Just a lacy black underwear she'd forgotten she owned until after Cassian had told her he was coming.

"That's a nice surprise," he muttered, ducking his head down towards her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, expecting a kiss.

Instead Cassian bypassed her lips, going straight for her peaked nipples.

The first flick of his tongue had her reeling. The hot and wet sensation had her keening into him for more. Looping her fingers into his belt and pulling his closer as he kissed a path up her chest and nuzzled her neck. Pressed a kiss to a spot under her ear that made her whimper and wetness to pool between her legs.

Then she got a hold of herself.

"Get on with it," she warned, breathless and not quite in any shape to be making demands. Cassian seemed to think the same thing because when he kissed her, he nipped just a touch harder than usual on her bottom lip. Just this side of pain and pleasure and enough to cause Nesta to moan into his mouth. He swallowed that moan up with a long, languorous drag of his tongue against hers.

Quicker than she'd expected, Cassian had wrapped a hand across her waist and she'd locked her legs behind his back as he put them both down on her bed.

Gasping for air, she broke their kiss and Cassian used it to drag his mouth lower. Lower. Lower...

"Yes," she hissed, as Cassian pushed the lace fabric to the side and dragged his tongue down her sex. She could feel how wet she already was, how wet he was making her with his tongue. With how good he was tasting her.

Cassian broke away from her skin, lips glistening as he smiled at her, and with her head still fogged up from a near orgasm, Nesta returned it. Never mind that she didn't like to show any softness like that to anyone to, especially not in these moments. But he'd broken down her defenses with that infuriatingly talented mouth of his. Had almost brought her to lay herself bare to him in ways that sex never had before.

Cassian hooked his fingers into the sides of her underwear and made to pull down.

"Lift up for me baby."

She did and the cool air hit her already warmed and wet skin, making the sensation all the more delicious when he fastened his mouth back onto her clit, and began all over again.

Cassian didn't take off his pants even when she'd asked him to. He'd made her come once with his mouth. She'd stayed there on bed, catching her breath for just a minute before reaching for his belt.

Cassian had denied her, catching her by the ankle and pressing a soft kiss to the skin there before working his way back up. Running his lips over her calves, her knees, the insides of her thighs. And then he'd eaten her out again, much to her protest in the beginning. But she'd quickly forgotten that she'd asked him here to fuck her when he dipped his tongue inside of her, curling upwards while she cried out his name over and over. Until her climax had been wrung out of her in an almost dizzying finale.

Then and only then had he let her undo the buckle at his hips, a cool, wicked smile dancing on his face at her eagerness. She'd opened the zip and almost slipped her hand in to palm him right then and there, but Cassian had laughed at that and pulled away. Moving off the bed to discard his pants himself before joining her again.

Nesta's mouth had dried as she'd taken him in. Naked. Hard. His cock already dripping with moisture at the tip. She wanted him in her mouth. Wanted to taste him. Feel him along her tongue, along her lips until she could take him deep in her throat.

"What are you doing?," Cassian asked with a laugh, grabbing her wrists again and hauling her under him.

Nesta huffed. "What did it look like I was doing? I was going to suck your-"

Cassian silenced her with a kiss.

"That mouth will be the death of me," he muttered, kissing her again and she couldnt help but twine her fingers into his hair. And pull slightly.

"Maybe you should fuck it and make it better," she whispered, dragging her tongue along his jaw and down his neck. Biting at the delicate skin there. Cassian didn't even flinch at the teeth marks she'd left behind beside the tattoo along the column of his throat.

Cassian chuckled darkly at her antics. "Maybe I'll just fuck you instead."

"It would be about time," she shot back, not at all caring how he'd take it. How he'd make her beg for being so mouthy.

Cassian seemed to even consider it. She could practically hear the thoughts in his head. But in the end, Cassian instead settled on leaning back until he rested on his knees before her. Kneeling he grabbed her legs, hauling her closer as he pulled them up until their undersides rested on his chest. Her feet hooked over his shoulders as her hips became flush with his own. With the hard demanding press of his cock against her sex, Nesta couldn't help but writhe desperately, craving any friction she could get.

Cassian didn't enter her right away, choosing instead to take his two fingers and place them at her mouth. Nesta took them in, swirled her tongue over them as she bobbed her head like she was sucking him off instead.

"You look perfect like that," he breathed, when she let his fingers go with a pop. Nesta didn't respond to the compliment. Not when he dragged those fingers through her folds, smearing her wetness around her clit until a soft, glowing pleasure began to build.

He entered her slowly. Much too slowly for her to take it well. Stretching and filling, in and in and in he sank. Deeper in until there was no more room for him to go. It was always too much for her. In those initial moments that he entered her. Nesta swore she stopped breathing every time he filled her up. Swore he'd filled her to a breaking point, no matter how burning and good it felt. But he'd always done it so fast, the moment of breathlessness was there and gone. A moment barely captured in the sharp intake of air she took.

But today, he'd gone slow. Had given her time to adjust although, with his size, it didn't really matter how fast or slow he went. He'd always be a touch too large for her. Just this side of stretching pain, which she loved even if she never admitted it to him.

And when he fucked her, it wasn't their characteristic way of doing so. There was no savage pounding of him into her, so hard and rough she could only scream most of the time. There was no dragging of nails across skin that sometimes drew blood. Nor any bites or bruises that she often loved to look over when he was long gone.

She couldn't lie and say this slower, almost romantic way of fucking didn't have her heart pounding for a different reason.

Because it did.

Almost as if he were making love to her. Something they'd never bothered with before. She supposed something in her had told him she was upset. That she'd needed the reassurance of his body in more than just their casual fucking ways.

As he drove his hips upward into her over and over, rocking on his knees as he held her legs tight against him, Nesta couldn't help but let the tumble of cries and moans fall out of her mouth. Not when he went faster, hit that spot deep inside her that had her on the verge of screaming her throat raw. Not when she came in a glorious crest that made everything bad go away from her mind. In that stilted moment stuck between reality and forever, Nesta had felt peace. Had forgotten her worries and troubles and the whole reason behind why she'd called Cassian over in the first place. Instead, she let it go through her until she was boneless and spent, Cassian now no longer thrusting into her, but his hard cock still inside.

He'd made her come first. Had made sure she'd come at least three times tonight with not one care at all for himself. It shouldn't have bothered her so much. After all, they just fucked. It wasn't a serious relationship. Yet it bothered her enough that when she caught her breath, Nesta unhooked her legs from his shoulders and pushed him down to where she'd been.

Climbed over him and sank down without a moment's hesitation, causing Cassian to groan aloud at the sheer ecstasy she too was witnessing.

That second time, she made sure he became unchecked and wild. No matter that she rode him. Nesta had circled his wrists and placed his powerful hands at her hips.

"Fuck me as hard as you want," she told him, leaving his hands tightening at her hips. "I want to feel it when I move tomorrow," she added salaciously.

Cassian seemed to appreciate that. When he thrust up into her those final times, Nesta swore she saw stars dance across her vision with her head thrown back. When she came to, pleasure slowly leaving her body, Cassian was panting just as hard underneath her, softening inside her and leaking out.

It had been his climax, the moan he'd let out as he'd reached that precarious precipice, so close to falling off, that had made Nesta come. She'd known how close he was, and so she'd flexed her inner muscles once, twice, and the sound of his moaning her name had had her tightening involuntarily as her orgasm crashed through her. He'd followed not long after and she'd cried out his name along with an incoherent mess of sounds she'd deny he'd ever gotten out of her.

Cassian had let himself take a minute to recover, and then he was pulling her off of him, walking over to the bathroom joined to her room. She'd heard the run of water and soon he returned with a warm, wet washcloth to clean between her thighs. It was moments like this where she was glad of being with Cassian, even if it was just for sex. Her past whatever they should be called weren't very good in bed. And they weren't very good out of it either. Nesta had opted for condoms then, when she'd hated having to waddle over to the bathroom, some stranger man's release dripping out of her.

It wasn't until after she'd fully caught her breath, gotten up to pee because she'd be damned if she got a UTI tonight, and taken a long swig of her water bottle that Cassian had brought over, that Nesta settled down. Pulled the covers up to her breasts, not bothering to get dressed, and just breathed.

Cassian had pulled his boxer briefs back on, but that was all. His clothes still lay discarded haphazardly around her room, although that was the deal for most things in her room anyways, so she shouldn't be surprised. Cassian seemed to think the same thing as he looked up from typing something on his phone, surveying the room around him with a hint of distaste on his face.

Her hackles began rising. No she didn't like her place that much either when remembering the type of place Cassian lived in. But that didn't mean she'd take shit from him about it.

Before she could say anything though, Cassian turned his attention to her, "Who lives like this?"

"I beg your pardon," she spluttered, not expecting that as his first comment on the state of her home.

"I mean," he gestured around them, "why is it so messy? Have you never cleaned up your room?"

Nesta snorted. "What am I a child and you my mom? It's my place. I'll keep my room as tidy or not as I like."

Gods knew she'd earned it after the way she'd been living before.

"Very mature," Cassian remarked, shaking his head in disbelief as he went back to whatever was going on in his phone.

"I think so," she added, rather coldly if were being honest with herself.

Cassian was older than her. Not old enough for it to be creepy or gross, but old enough for Nesta to know he no longer ate ramen for dinner because he was behind on student loans. Old enough to keep things like bourbon and whiskey and other really old bottles of liquor he often poured for her when she went over. It was a stark contrast to the refreshments she could offer. Hard lemonade or coke was about it in terms of choices.

Cassian had flicked his eyes up at her from her sudden change in tone but had decided not to comment, going back to whatever business he was attending to. Or texting to, whichever it was.

She had no idea what he did. Just that he was rich, gorgeous, drove a really fast, really expensive car, and that he could fuck her silly.

She'd seen the college diploma in a wall in his living room in passing. A few family photos with two other men that looked like him in the way people from the same country often did. He'd mentioned his foster brothers to her a few times. Nothing about foster care itself, and she hadn't felt it right to pry. Not when she wasn't sure what exactly they were.

They weren't supposed to be anything anyways if she really thought about it. She'd run into him in a club of all places. He'd been with his brothers- she'd found out months later- and hadn't wanted to be there. She'd been dragged along by Emerie and Gwyn for Gwyn's 21st birthday celebration. Nesta who was already 22, hadn't been as excited to go to a club when she'd been sneaking into them since she was 16. But Gwyn was her best friend so she had relented. Once Gwyn had come across some handsome tall stranger on the dance floor, Nesta had been left behind. Emerie finding her own dance partner in the form of a petite, curly haired woman named Maria hadn't helped Nesta's situation.

In her haste to go home, or at least take a breather from the stuffy nightclub, Nesta had run into a very large, very solid mass of some sort.

It had been Cassian. With his infuriating smile, disarming charm, that leather jacket and those fucking tattoos. She'd chewed him out for not watching where he was going.

Then she'd let him fuck her in front seat of his car. Or, she'd fucked him. It didn't really matter to her anymore. It had been the best sex of her life and when he called her up a few days later, Nesta hadn't hesitated to let him come over to her apartment.

Gwyn had been horrified when she'd found out. Emerie had warned her about bringing home a serial killer. But it had already been done and Nesta had known deep down, she'd never be the same again. Her friends didn't really get it. Their entire situation, but Nesta didn't really care about that either.

Cassian was easy. Easy to he around. Easy to talk to. There were no expectations. No rules and no limitations either. He just...was.

And he let Nesta breathe in a way she hadn't thought she would in a long time.

So what if she didn't tell him that she'd gotten into law school after working her ass off in her last year of undergrad? After the hell her junior year had been for her, he was lucky she told him where she had even gone to college. After graduating, Nesta also hadn't told him where she worked. Nothing about the paralegal job, the name of the firm, or the application she'd put into law schools.

She couldn't risk whatever tenuous normalcy she'd finally reached if Cassian did indeed end up becoming a problem for her as Gwyn and Emerie were worried about. Definitely not after she'd worked so hard to get where she was.

In that spirit, Nesta didn't ask about his own life either. Not outside of anything he offered her, which also wasn't much.

She liked that too. No expectations. For all he knew, she was a part-time hooker. But he never asked.

Eventually, Nesta had ended up crawling over to where Cassian had sprawled out on her bed, and tucked herself against his chest as he'd continued typing away. No matter that the blanket had become a bunched mess underneath her or that they never did this. He'd stayed longer than he ever had before and Nesta didn't care if she admitted to herself that she hadn't cuddled with anyone in a long time. Certainly not with anyone worth the effort.

Cassian hadn't seemed miffed at all. Running a hand down her hair as she'd tucked closer, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. Nesta had soon fallen asleep to the sound of his beating heart.

When she came to, Nesta awoke alone. It wasn't the first time. In fact, she'd never not woken up alone after Cassian visited. And yet, after last night, she'd felt some sort of change between them. Had sworn Cassian could too. Which was why his disappearance seemed to harp on her so strongly. Why his text that he'd talk to her later but that he'd had to run to work had left her feeling empty. And when she entered her first class of the day, after barely finding it, and only being on time because she'd come earlier, thoughts of Cassian still swirled around in her mind. More than she ever should have allowed herself to.

Nesta turned on her laptop, taking in the students filing in around her. It was a full class. She'd taken the class on a whim, seeing that it was a seminar that discussed criminal cases, taught by a professor Emerie had said was an easy A if you showed up and talked a few times. Easy enough. Nesta had no plans of messing up her first class of her first day in her first step towards a better life and better future. She'd do the best. Be the best. It was what she'd lived on for most of her life anyways.

As more students filed in, Nesta wondered where the professor was. Emerie had mentioned he was old, sort of deaf, but a softie if you talked to him enough. Yet, everyone looked to be around the same age in the room. No sign of a professor anywhere.

The clock struck 8:00 AM, and as she typed in her password, she saw a figure get up from the front row and make their way to the board.

What idiot was already playing pranks on the still absent professor, on a first day no less, Nesta had no idea. She wanted no part in it though, she knew that much.

"Alright everyone, good morning. I'm sure some of you are wondering where Professor Jackson is. He's unfortunately going through some medical problems and I was asked to step in for him. Now, Professor Jackson taught me, in this very same classroom, in the very same way that he planned to teach all of you. And I'm going to, hopefully, be just as great and inspiring as he was." The man laughed and added, "Hopefully," earning him a round of chuckles scattered across the room.

But Nesta had frozen. Hadn't moved from the moment she'd heard his voice. Because she knew that voice, could pick it out from anywhere. It had been a voice that greeted her with teasing jests every time she glowered at him and his antics. A voice that whispered sweet nothings and the most filthy delicious promises to her when his body pressed her deep into the mattress.

As she stared transfixed in horror towards the front of the room, Cassian smiled brightly towards the class, scanning the room as he opened his mouth.

"My name is Cassian Virin and you can call me either Professor or just Cassian. Either is fine. I'm a practicing attorney at Solis and Vanserra. It's a firm in this city that I'm sure many of you have heard of." More chuckles arose because who the hell hadn't heard of Solis and Vanserra.

"I'm going to be here just for this semester while I also work on some pro bono cases at my firm, and-"

Cassian stopped talking as he finally saw her. She was sure the same panic was evident on her own face that she mirrored in his own. Except Cassian mastered himself faster than she ever could in such a fucked up situation.

Not breaking eye contact with her, Cassian finished his sentence. "And I'll be your teacher this semester for this class. Welcome to Criminal Law.

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399 notes • Posted 2021-06-25 07:51:51 GMT

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