#i choose to carry this burden as if i'll get anything out of it. as if my time and energy wasn't needed elsewhere

[hypnowave]

.

[feverdreamsanddelusions]

23

inspo by @the-three-whumpeteers

[tw lady whumpee, betrayal (somewhat), past trauma, implied past captivity]

"I... I'm not sure what to do," Caretaker admitted quietly. "I've never seen her like that... It's... It's jarring. And I don't want to make this about myself and my feelings or whatever, but... I don't know."

"I get that." Medic sighed, placing their notes on the desk and looking up at them. "It's hard for everyone involved. Just... Try to be gentle. I know we were all waiting for her return, hoping everything would go back to normal..."

"It's not gonna go back to normal, is it?"

Medic bit their lip, looking for the right words. In the end, they decided not to sugarcoat it. "No, most likely not."

Caretaker nodded. There was an unspoken tension in the air; a burden they both knew Caretaker carried in this situation. They had always been the right-hand man, the second in command. Now that Whumpee was a mere shell of her former self, was it appropriate for them to step up? Or more like, continue stepping up? They had led the team during the rescue operation and all of that, but... now Whumpee was back, and she was supposed to be the official leader.

"Do you think... we should choose a new leader?" Caretaker's voice was barely above a whisper. Medic didn't even look at them, instead going back to flipping through their medical records.

"I mean, it's hard to say just yet... Who knows? Maybe Whumpee will, uh... snap out of it, in a way. Maybe she'll open up, let me help her, all that stuff... I don't know whether we should make any official decisions yet."

"Right."

The silence that followed was deafening. Caretaker had no idea what Medic was thinking, but if they'd had to guess, they were probably both ashamed of their own lack of decisiveness. Whumpee would've made her choice right away and stood by it, and here they were, skirting around the topic and deluding themselves endlessly.

This was no way to behave. This wasn't what Whumpee had taught them.

"No, it's not right. None of this is." Caretaker stood up from their chair with newfound resolve. "The team needs a leader. I'm going to call a meeting, and we're finally going to discuss this."

Medic almost looked startled by the idea. "Are you sure? Whumpee has barely been back for a week, maybe... maybe we should–"

"Whumpee has been gone for weeks. She'll likely not be functional for several more. Even if we don't choose another permanent leader, we have to stop acting like we can rely on Whumpee for anything right now just because she's back."

The words burned their mouth as they spoke, and Caretaker almost wanted to cry. It felt horrible to talk like this, and they were sure there would be a lot of sobbing during the meeting as well. But someone had to rip the bandaid off.

"Well, if you think it's a good idea..." Medic conceded.

"I'll tell the others." Caretaker turned around to leave the room, instantly bumping into Whumpee as they opened the door. She was standing there with a blanket draped around her shoulders, clutching it tightly with both hands, vacant eyes fixed on a point somewhere behind Caretaker. "Holy shit–"

"What?" Medic leaned forward in their chair to see what was going on, but any further comments caught in their throat at the sight.

Nobody said a word. Caretaker shrank back, suddenly embarrassed and almost afraid of what Whumpee would do, even though she clearly wasn't in a state to do much. How long had she been standing there? Had she heard everything? What was she thinking? It was impossible to tell.

Whumpee slowly padded into the room, ignoring the tense atmosphere as she sat on the examination table. Medic was the first to react, standing up from their chair and quickly walking over. "Is something the matter? Pain? New pain, old pain?"

Caretaker took the chance to slip out the door. As cowardly as it was, they didn't want to be there during a potential confrontation. Nor did they want to make Whumpee uncomfortable, if they were being honest. Maybe she would want to ask Medic about the things she'd heard one on one! Yes, that was exactly why they'd left.

They tried not to think about just how unfit they were for this leadership role. They tried not to think about how each and every one of them were unfit. Surely, once someone was chosen, they'd be able to step up to the plate.

[tarotwitchy]

{pick a card readings}

Pile 1 —> Pile 3

Pile 4 —> Pile 6

It's been a very long time, dear followers. I'm alive, and I'm back. I'm so, so sorry for not being active. But I'm back for a new pick a card reading! I said I'll be more active months ago... but look at where we're at. 🙃

For this PAC, we're focusing on your innermost parts that you may or may not be aware of. It could be something you've been using to your advantage, or it could be something that you weren't aware of, but others can clearly see it from you.

Pick a dark image from left to right, top to bottom. There are 6 piles. Take your time to internalize the choices above.

❌ Please do not plagiarize my work, or post it elsewhere without my permission and credits. Thank you! ❌

Pile 1

7 of Swords • 10 of Pentacles • The Emperor • 7 of Cups • Queen of Swords • The Lovers • Buffalo Spirit

How you understand your dark side:

You are someone who is very resourceful, and someone who's very capable of achieving anything that you set your mind into. You know this, and people can attest to your abilities to make things happen. However, you can become so much of a high-achiever to the point where you won't hesitate to resorted to unethical and morally questionable methods, as long as no one is looking. You can become very cutthroat when you want to, and especially when you need to. You're not afraid to cut people down if you were being asked to choose between them and yourself. You probably won't even consider a middle ground to "save every one," or bargain for a better outcome in a situation, so that all parties can win or survive. Most likely, you would also ensure that you get the best of the best when it comes to the choices that life throws your way; and in effect, other people are left in your dust.

How people perceive it:

The way people can see this manifest is by the way you can talk down to them. You certainly have a way of interacting with others that can rub off the wrong way, but most people are afraid to speak up for the fear that you'll bring hell upon them. They can clearly feel your competitive nature, and they can see how you blatantly outmaneuver them in your internal game of chess. Thus, there's a divide in the people who are in your life; ones that want to get into your good graces in hopes that you'd spare them, and ones who won't even tolerate that and leave. Futhermore, you are also stubborn by nature. Once you say your opinions, you have the tendency to expect that people will automatically agree with you. And people can see that behavior from you. A word of caution, though. If you don't develop these aggressive traits into something more positive, you might end up isolating yourself since you can drive people away from you.

•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•

Pile 2

The Star • Queen of Cups • 4 of Pentacles • 9 of Swords • 10 of Wands • 4 of Swords • Racoon Spirit

How you understand your dark side:

The immediate phrase that I heard when the cards were laid out was Victim Mentality. Your dark side stems from feelings of being marginalized and victimized by your circumstances or your upbringing. It could be that a parent was very harsh during your childhood, and that left you feeling like your inner child never had the chance to heal and experience what it feels like being a carefree person. It is because of this that pain is internalized deeply, and you have been suffering from the inside for far too long. It would be great if you had a physical outlet to channel your internal energy into something sensory. But I'm getting that most of you in this pile have chosen to solely keep the pain inside, instead of letting it out properly and healthily.

How people perceive it:

The people around you sense this great burden you carry within you, even behind your bright smiles and upturned eyes. And most people really have the heart and empathy to help you in any way they can. However, the can also see how you're not proactively trying to move on from the pain. You're still in your dwelling stage. You still dwell on your pain, and fully immerse yourself in your tragic memories. While there's no "one-size-fits-all" way to recover, you have to be aware enough that you can't carry your burden forever. Those same people who try to help you will eventually become exhausted in their attempts to aid you in your healing journey; and people are not meant to be our crutches. You have what it takes to recover from this burden as long as you let people in, and be receptive to healthy change.

•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•

Pile 3

9 of Pentacles • Justice • King of Swords • Wheel of Fortune • 5 of Pentacles • 5 of Cups • Bee Spirit

How you understand your dark side:

There's a darkness lingering in your mind from time to time. Depending on the people who picked this pile, there will even be some who feel this darkness on a regular basis. And that is fear. You have this universal fear that's plaguing your mind and heart. While we all have different reasons as to when and why this fear came to be, this pile shares the fear of not being good enough. You're afraid that you will never reach your goals in life, your dreams and aspirations. You might also fear not being good enough for your friends and family who have high expectations of you. But most of all, you're afraid of disappointing yourself. You know within your heart that you are capable of great things... but you are so afraid to fail and feel the humiliation of not making it. You get easily daunted by the challenges you face, that you forget you are facing these challenges only because you are capable of surpassing them.

How people perceive it:

You know what they say when "sharks can smell blood?" There are two different types of people who can perceive your fear. One who is willing to help you overcome it, and give you all the support and aid to show you how much they care about you. But there are also those who want to take advantage of your hesitations and fear to their own advantage. What you need to do is to sniff them out before they even get the chance to see your fears, and immediately steer clear from them. You don't need people in your life who can leech off of your pain and darkness. You need people in your circle who can lift you beyond your apprehensions and doubts in order to help you become a better person, and to make you realize your capabilities. And lastly, you need to be able to soothe the fearful child within you. Be gentle with yourself, forgive yourself when you don't get your goals the first time around, and keep on persevering.

•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•

Pile 4

Page of Wands • 6 of Wands • 8 of Wands • 4 of Cups • The Devil • 7 of Wands • Crocodile Spirit

How you understand your dark side:

There's a lot of fire energy in this pile; you probably either have prominent fire placements, or that you consider yourself a fiery person. In this pile, it is indicated that you have a lot of goals in life, lots of things you want to accomplish, and you have an ambition that can be too overwhelming for small-minded people to wrap their heads around. This pile is similar to Pile 3; the only difference is that your external environment is your adversity. You allow people to get under your skin, and their words to pierce your flesh and soul. You internalize what they say about you — even when they don't know an inkling about who you are, or what you actually do in life to make things happen. Hence, you have the tendency to becoming more hostile to other people who have good intentions because you most likely can no longer differentiate the good ones from the bad bunch. Since the majority of the people in your environment are waiting to see you fall, you are overlooking those few who actually want to help you succeed. Be more mindful of your actions, and don't immediately respond with hostility.

How people perceive it:

And indeed, there are a lot of people in your environment who wish to see your downfall. But as I've mentioned, there are those who have good intentions on your behalf. They do want to help. Some people might come off as intense or frank; but that's only because they're probably the type of people who cut to the chase, and would offer you constructive criticism. This is why people might perceive your bad side as you being hostile, aggressive, and pushing them away. Furthermore, they see you as someone impenetrable when it comes to opinions. Once you've made up your mind, there's little to no one who can change it. They just don't understand that you're trying to protect yourself from their harsh judgments and scrutiny. In order for you to rectify this, try to allow people to demonstrate through their actions how they want to help you. Maybe then would you see their genuine intentions.

•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•

Pile 5

6 of Wands • 4 of Wands • Ace of Swords • Ace of Cups • Knight of Wands • 4 of Cups • Beaver Spirit

How you understand your dark side:

Your dark side has something to do with impatience. Your spirit has the essence of haste, and of abrupt movement. You want to get from point A to point B in a short amount of time with as little effort as possible. But as we all know, that's not how it usually works. You get easily frustrated when things don't go your way, and you tend to create a maelstrom of stress around you because of the delays and the hiccups — unfortunately, this can also affect others who are actually around you. When you don't get what you want, or if there's more extra steps needed to accomplish a certain task or goal, or maybe there's a need for you to wait in life, you get agitated and easily frustrated. But in order for you to develop into a better version of yourself, you need accept that you need to put the actual work, patience, and perseverance in order to get what you want. Whether it's about your goals in life, or relationships, you can't rush things. The Universe puts us in situations in order for us to learn and grow in our own time. The more you force things to happen when it's not ready, the more it's going to become skewed. More problems will arise, and delays will become even more inevitable. Step by step is the key.

How people perceive it:

As I'm writing this, I am actually getting breathless and my brows are getting knitted together. I can only imagine that this is how people around you feel when you get into your bouts of impatience and frustration. People feel your stress from a mile away. They can feel as weary and winded by your internalized agitation due to you not getting what you want. It's as if they themselves want to get to the bottom of your problems just so they can get rid of the stress you are unconsciously passing on to them. I just heard this phrase right now: "What is it you're so stressed about?! What's going on, and why are you feeling so impatient? Please calm down!" The people in your life feel as frustrated as you — perhaps, even more — because they're seeing someone they love going through a moment of tension and anxiety. They do care about your well-being, Pile 4. So, if you want to also alleviate their stress, I suggest you practice methods to calm and ground you back to objectivity, such as making a realistic timetable to see the progression of the task or goal you're so frustrated and impatient about.

•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•

Pile 6

The Hierophant • Queen of Swords • Judgment • 7 of Swords • 3 of Pentacles • 8 of Cups • Shark Spirit

How you understand your dark side:

In this reading, your dark side is being reflected as inferiority. It seems like there are a lot of authority figures in your life. You most likely grew up with parental figures who were quite authoritative, and now that you're grown (or as you're growing further), you're subconsciously connecting and associating with people who can mimic that authoritarian presence you're so used to. Unfortunately, you end up attracting a lot of people who don't necessarily have your best intentions in mind. These people do not recognize your strengths because you allow these people to push you and order your around. You fear them, yet you hate them as well. The way I see it, it has become this draining cycle of wanting to live up to people's expectations of you, then failing to do so because you're seeking the approval of the people who will never approve of what you do — no matter how grand your achievements are. It's already taking a toll on your life progress because you may feel easily defeated when people don't approve or your decisions. It's time to align your feelings with your actions, and start standing up for yourself. We teach people how we want to be treated. It is our responsibility to make sure that our dignity is not compromised.

How people perceive it:

There are two types of people I see here: the ones that notice your feelings of inferiority and inadequacy, and those who notice and take advantage of it. Unfortunately, your upbringing most likely perpetuated this dynamic of you being conditioned to look for authority figures in life, instead of learning how to listen to your own authoritative inner voice. And so, there have been those you've encountered along the way who really capitalized on this. But for those who notice — and actually cares about this — they do feel sad and solemn towards your lack of faith in your own capabilities. It wouldn't be a surprise if you've encountered those who tried to give you a pep-talk and a confidence boost every now and then; because they see your strong potential and abilities. They want to see you flourish into the person you were meant to become all this time. They want to see you grow into your skin, and be very confident with yourself because this is the only way to eliminate people who want to keep you inferior forever.

{masterlist}

Copyright © 2022 by TarotWitchy

[Do not repost, copy, or reword]

[666writingcafe]

Three Days Later

Simeon

It's been eerily quiet ever since we returned to Purgatory Hall. Solomon and I have taken turns at keeping an eye on the door, just in case anyone comes with any news about MC's sudden disappearance.

Currently, I'm in the living room with Luke, helping him with some of his homework. I can tell he's just as worried as we are, but I'm trying to keep his mind off it the best I can. He doesn't need to carry that kind of burden; he's only a child.

The loud, rapid knock on the door startles both of us. Luke starts to get up, but I force him to stay put.

"Solomon's got it," I remind him. As Luke resumes doing his homework, I attempt to focus on the conversation happening at the door, but I can't make out anything distinct.

That is, until I hear the door slam.

"What's going on?" Luke asks. "Is everything alright?"

"Simeon." Solomon bursts into the room, looking at me expectantly.

"I'll be back, Luke." I pat him on the shoulder as I stand up. Solomon darts out, and I have to walk quickly to catch up to him.

When Solomon opens the door back up, he reveals two people: one that I've never seen before, and...

When my eyes meet theirs, I instantly realize why Solomon called for me.

"Give me your hand," I instruct. They extend one out to me, and I sandwich it between my own hands. They're warm, but not supernaturally so.

"They're alive."

Solomon directs me to step back so that MC and their guest can come inside, allowing him to shut the door behind them.

"You have no idea how worried we were, MC," Solomon whispers. "When I saw you point the dagger towards yourself, it sent shivers down my spine." I figured that Solomon sent all of us out of the room so that MC could choose a victim for the blade, but I didn't think they would pick themselves.

"You all are incredibly lucky I was there," the female stranger replied. "Otherwise, they would be dead."

"So, I take it the dagger did not get used?" I ask.

"No. Look at their hand." Glancing down at MC's other hand, I notice a ring that wasn't there before. A simple black band.

Wait a minute. Is that what I think it is? The look on Solomon's face confirms that it is.

"It was supposed to have been lost in the carnage of the Great War," he murmurs in awe. "Clearly, I was mistaken."

I have questions.

As Solomon takes MC to the living room to reunite with Luke, I stop the stranger from following them.

"Who are you?" I ask her.

"Thirteen," they reply. That name sounds familiar. "And you must be Simeon, the angel that got demoted after the war."

"How do you know about that?" Thirteen crosses her arms.

"It's my business to know about these sorts of things." What does she mean...

Oh. Of course. She's a reaper.

"Why did you help MC?" She shrugs.

"It wasn't their time."

"I doubt that's the only reason." The words escape my mouth with a sharpness I did not intend. However, instead of her responding in kind, Thirteen sighs.

"You're right. It wasn't. I had to keep a promise I made a long time ago." Interesting. I didn't think reapers made promises, unless...

Unless it was to keep something safe.

"The ring was never lost, was it?" Thirteen shakes their head.

"Lucifer gave it to me. He thought that it was fitting at the time, seeing as he was no longer an angel."

"Nor was he no longer tied to Michael."

"Exactly. That connection now belongs to Solomon and MC. Hopefully, they make better use of it." I smile as I guide Thirteen to the living room.

"They'll make a great pair. Trust me."

[aylacavebear]

Dimensional Shift - Chapter 6 S4E2 (pt. 2)

Story Summary: Maria was just a regular girl, worked at a gas station, wrote fanfic, and loved Supernatural. She even created her own supernatural creature for her writings. When the aurora borealis comes to Sioux Falls, South Dakota, one Halloween night, everything changes for her in ways she never expected. Will she be able to navigate this new world she's thrown into?

Word Count: 1873

Please don't take my work. I'll post warnings for each chapter. Will eventually be 18+!

Warnings: Angst, some Fluff/Comfort, Alcoholism.

A/N: I broke S4E2 into a few chapters, so they weren't such a long read all at once with what was added to them.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 6 - S4E2 pt. 2

Morning came too soon for her, the light creeping in through the little slit in the curtains, dancing across her face just below her eyes. She scrunched her face a bit, pulled the covers over her head, and then smelled the coffee, opening her eyes. Maria changed her clothes, as Bobby had kept her room for when she would stop by, choosing a pair of jeans and a tie-dyed tank top, brushed her hair, and left it down before heading downstairs, barefoot, as she preferred. 

She found Sam in the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee, noticing Dean still sleeping on the couch, which made her smile for a moment. He always looked so peaceful when he slept, but she knew that while he slept, his nightmares were of that time he had been in the pit, which made her smile fade.

“Morning, Sam,” she said, managing a small smile as she grabbed a cup.

“Morning Maria, sleep okay?” he asked as he took a sip before sitting down at the kitchen table.

“Yeah, surprisingly,” she replied, pouring herself a cup and sitting across from him at the table, “That phone call should come in today, near dinner, just a heads up,” she added, taking a deep breath.

Sam just nodded his head. He had believed her far faster than Dean had, but not as fast as Bobby had. She was like a little sister to him, and he worried about her. He could see the burden she was carrying on her shoulders, and it looked as though it was weighing heavily on her.

“Sam…” she began, staring down at the coffee in her cup, “I know… about the demon blood and the thing between you and Ruby.” she took a sip of her coffee, not noticing the look of shock on Sam’s face at her revelation, “Dean’s gonna find out… and he’s gonna be pissed. I just wanted to warn you. This is something you won’t be able to keep him from figuring out. He’s too smart for that and you know it.” her tone was quiet, to not wake Dean, as she had heard him shift on the couch. However, his heart rate told her that he was still asleep.

Sam didn’t even ask her how she knew; he knew how she did, and now he believed her even more than he had before. There was a nervous look on his face as he sipped his coffee, not quite sure what to say. He thought about arguing with her, trying to give her his reasons for doing it, but the more he thought about it, the more he decided against it. 

She’d said that she’d watched this show, Supernatural, and it was their life. He had to keep reminding himself of that, that she knew not only what was going to happen, at least to a point, but also that she knew what he would attempt to use as an argument as to why he’d kept doing it, even after Dean had told him to stop before he’d been pulled into the pit four months prior.

Maria knew that for Sam and Dean to see their mother again, she’d have to let certain things play out. One of those was Sam getting stuck in that cage with Lucifer, meaning that Sam would have to kill Lilith, and she couldn’t stop it from happening. She knew that Dean was going to be angry with her, probably furious, and she’d cross that bridge when she got to it.

She knew too much and couldn’t push certain things from her mind. Maria went through things that she could keep them from and things she couldn’t change or say anything about, and it hurt, but she was able to keep her expression fairly neutral at the moment. In Maria’s world, in fanfics and TV shows, there were the time skips for the boring parts or the drawn-out parts when nothing was happening. Now, living it, she wondered what they filled that time with. It made a small smile form on her lips, which caused Sam to look at her, slightly confused.

“Something else on your mind?” he asked her, curious and puzzled, especially with what she had revealed only minutes before.

“Sorry,” she began as she looked up at him, “I always wondered what you guys filled your time with, the parts that weren’t on the show.” 

“Oh,” was all he said. 

Sam watched as she finished her coffee and got herself a second cup. She looked and mostly acted like “their” Maria, but at the same time, she was so different, almost softer in a way. He knew most of her past, how she lost her mother when she was five, then her father at ten, when she came to live with Bobby.

Sam knew she was a Touched and a damn good hunter with the aid of her abilities. He knew how she’d grown up in the life, just like he and Dean had, living out of her dad’s truck, now hers, and motel rooms across the country. It had hardened her in a way, closing her off from getting too close to anyone and keeping her feelings to herself most of the time unless she was making people laugh.

“What?” Maria asked Sam when she sat back down at the table, pulling him from his thoughts.

“Sorry, just thinking…” he replied before he finished his coffee, taking the cup to the sink when Bobby walked into the kitchen.

“Dean’s still out, huh?” Bobby asked as he got some coffee, then leaned against the counter, sipping it.

“Yeah, guess he stayed up pretty late last night. He did have quite a bit to drink, too.” Sam replied.

Maria didn’t say anything. She knew Dean fought with sleep, wanting it but not wanting the nightmares that came with it, horrors from his time in the pit. All she could do was sigh quietly and look down at the coffee in her cup, watching the steam come from it. Then, she heard his heart rate change, causing her to look up from her cup. Without saying a word, she went into the living room, kneeling beside him. Bobby and Sam exchanged a look, then just watched her, tilting their heads slightly out of curiosity and confusion.

“Dean…” Maria said softly, gently placing her hand on his shoulder.

Dean stirred but didn’t wake, so Maria tried again, this time shaking him a little before he finally opened his eyes wide and quickly.

“It’s okay, you’re at Bobby’s.” she said softly, a smile to match, “Want some coffee?”

“Uh, sure…” Dean replied, somewhat confused. His Maria never would have been so soft with him. She would have woken him up more sternly. Dean had been having nightmares of the pit, but he wasn’t about to tell any of them about them.

Dean sat up on the couch, rubbing his face with his hands, his elbows on his knees as he tried to wipe the images from his mind. Bobby and Sam were shocked just watching everything unfold, having similar thoughts as Dean about Maria’s softness. She moved around Bobby, got Dean a cup of coffee, and then headed back to hand it to him, sitting next to him on the couch for a moment.

“Thanks…” Dean said as he took the cup from her, just watching her for a moment before he looked away and took a sip, trying to wrap his brain around this particular difference between his Maria and this new Maria, as well as the thoughts that had started in his mind the night before.

“Honestly wasn’t sure if you’d want coffee, a beer, or some whiskey, but there’s plenty of all three,” she replied with a soft smile, setting her hand on his shoulder for a moment before she went into the kitchen, but stopped in the doorway when she saw the look on Bobby and Sam’s faces, “What?” she asked, blunter than she’d meant.

The two of them chuckled, putting their hands up as if to say “nothing” before entering the living room with Dean. They were all surprised by the softness this Maria had. She grabbed her coffee and joined them in the living room, sitting on the other side of the couch from Dean, pulling her legs up on the cushion, getting comfortable. 

Maria had decided she would just go with the flow and be herself. She was a lot like the character she’d written but wasn’t emotionally closed off to others like her character was. She did inform Bobby and Dean that the phone call would come in that evening around dinner time, and they’d need to be ready with the spell, as they wouldn’t have much time to prep when the call came in, so they would have to do so ahead of time.

The day was long, and the hours passed slowly. None of them enjoyed the waiting game. Dean began drinking beer shortly after he finished his coffee, but no one said anything. That man could drink like a fish and be fine. Sam and Bobby continued looking through books, wanting to understand even more than they already did since they really didn’t have anything else to do except wait for the call from Olivia. 

Maria attempted to distract herself with reading, although she knew more than those books would ever reveal, it was something to do that didn’t include staring at Dean too often or too long. Bobby and Sam caught her several times, making her look away quickly, focusing back on the book in her lap. 

On the other hand, Dean had too many things on his mind, still wanting to know why an angel pulled him from the pit. Every time he thought about pushing Maria for information, Bobby gave him a look or Dean remembered how sweet Maria had been to him, that softness that had surprised him.

Bobby’s phone rang shortly after five. It was Olivia. She was already in a salt circle, and the ghost had just shown up with a mark on its hand. Bobby said the spell, tossing the bowl of herbs into the fireplace. The fire went blue and white, light radiating throughout the room, making everyone look away and close their eyes for a moment. 

“Did it work?” Dean asked, looking around the room and raising an eyebrow.

Bobby picked the phone back up, “Olivia, is the ghost gone?”

“Yeah, Bobby, whatever you did worked, it’s gone,” she replied, thankful.

Bobby hung up the phone, letting them know that the spell had worked. Maria breathed a sigh of relief. She’d saved twenty hunters that night, and that felt really good. Even Dean was fairly proud of her, trusting her more than he had before. They celebrated, as it wasn’t often that they got any kind of win, and they all considered this a win. There was laughter that night and a lightness to the atmosphere. Maria loved to see Dean laugh like he did, his beautiful green eyes dancing with his laughter as his smile went ear to ear. They were all relaxed, cherishing the moment, as they didn’t have many of them.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 7 - S4E3 - E6

Dimensional Shift Master List

Main Master List

Tag List: @nancymcl

[gwemmieee]

Happy trans day of visibility. This is the first one I feel like I can really celebrate, because my life has finally started.

This year, having a real family that loves me unconditionally is new to me. Having a support network that puts effort into being there for me is new to me. Being able to meet other people like me in person and feel like we can all exist without fear is new to me, and amazing. Having a safe home where I can truly relax and stop feeling like I'm under attack by my family, by the world, by societal pressures, by lack of food/ housing security, etc., is new to me.

The fact is I didn't actually know what safety and love were until other people showed me. Despite a lifetime of obsessively studying it and trying to show it to others. It just doesn't sink in until you experience it firsthand.

2 years and 2 months ago I made the decision to stop suppressing who I really am. 2 years ago I made the decision to not unalive myself in the hospital after an accident resulting in permanent disability. 1 year ago I made the decision to leave the only home I'd known and the only family I'd known to go try to build a brand new life with brand new people in a brand new place. A few months ago I made the decision to stop turning all of the world's pressures inward on myself and finally allow myself to breathe. For my whole life, I've only ever made the healthiest choices available to me at the time. But these specific choices were the best decisions I ever made.

After 29 years of learning and knowing nothing but how I can best survive in the toxic masculine, misogynistic, transphobic, ableist, cruel, unfeeling, and downright predatory environment that I used to call home, how to survive when all of the closest people to me only value my usefulness to them and not my humanity, in 2024, I'm finally starting to learn how to do anything else. How to be anyone else. How to be myself.

Now, I get to start actually growing up and becoming who I've always wanted to be. And it feels amazing.

But it's not all amazing and good feelings all the time. 3 decades of trauma and a fascist colonialist capitalist state don't just go away.

Seattle is the safest place I've ever heard of for our people, and it's amazing how much better it is than anywhere else, but the overall treatment we get from society is still far below the bare minimum that less marginalized folks take for granted.

I still don't feel safe being outside by myself and carry pepper spray everywhere. I still feel alienated and unwelcome among my own people half the time simply because most people don't handle trauma very well. I still am objectively just one big financial hardship away from homelessness. I still am too burdened by trauma and stress and disability to actually work a full time schedule for all 12 months in a year, and working such a schedule at all still comes with severe mental and physical health risks, and there is simply not enough support from society to change that right now, but I'm having to make it happen anyway if I want to stay housed and fed.

I'm at the point now where for a few days out of the week on average, I get to actually feel happy and healthy on the level that most people take for granted. And it's amazing. But like clockwork, every time I feel that great for a few days, I inevitably have nightmares followed by a slow and heavy morning in which I just can't stop thinking about my past trauma. I'm trying to learn how to channel it better so that I can at least feel OK about times like these. Someday I want to be an accomplished author, musician, etc., but right now I'm only just learning from scratch how to begin to communicate my darkness in ways that are comprehended and healthy. With stuff like this tumblr post.

Ultimately, I think I'll be OK, but only because the people who can help me choose to help me, and I still need so much more help.

But most of all, I want you to have a specific takeaway from reading this. This might be starting to change now, but throughout my life, most of the people who got to know me enough to perceive all my scars, all the flaws and ignorances and miscommunications that still plagued my behavior at that time, would cut and run. They would make assumptions about me as a person and decide that they no longer wanted to have anywhere near as close a relationship with me. And without actually communicating a word of any of that, they would instead just flip that switch where they think of me as a person to the off position, and they would ghost me.

And I get it. I ghost people too. I stop giving eye contact to strangers on the street who gave me bad vibes. I cut people out of my life when they've knowingly crossed clear boundaries that I defined because I needed those boundaries respected to feel safe. These are safe and healthy things to do. I personally have seen most of the old friends from my old life that I still had, exit my life now in the past half year, simply because I put my foot down on boundaries I needed and they decided they liked their fictional version of me who didn't have such boundaries better than the real me.

But one thing I have never done and never will do, is get so close to someone that we start opening up to each other on some level, and then run away without a single attempt to clearly communicate boundaries and give them a chance to be better.

That shit is why I took so long to figure out what I was missing in my life. When you do that to someone, you leave them with every reason to suspect they've done something wrong, but no information to figure out exactly what it is they did that was wrong. So they start filling in the blanks with their own biases and misconceptions. Oh, I guess I scared her off by being too weird because I'm so autistic and effeminate. Oh, I guess he hates me now because I was too emotional. Oh, I guess they stopped inviting me to parties because of how annoying I am when I start talking about a subject I'm passionate about. Oh, I guess they're all doing better than me because they're better than me at just getting over all of these insecurities and being more charming and interesting, and that's why they're finally getting to marry someone who really loves them and have their happily ever after.

It's much worse when you're also brainwashed by your abusive family to think their conditional acceptance and inconsistent episodes of intolerance or hypocrisy are all normal healthy family behaviors. You start internalizing everything about you that they've ever disapproved of. You start burying everything about yourself that nobody has been brave enough to love, which in my case was everything about myself, period.

This becomes a source of trauma. It is literally a trauma trigger for me now every time someone who I've been given reason to think would likely understand me and want to get to know me, doesn't. It's the worst kind of trauma trigger, because just like when an edgy comedian singles you out for your marginalized identity, I do not get a chance to have any dialogue with the person who triggered me about how they hurt me and why, and if I don't have real love and support from others in my life, then the whole experience teaches me to be more selective and hypervigilant with who I let myself hope might treat me like a full person and how much of myself I let myself express outwardly. This is what it is to have abandonment issues and RSD.

And it is hard to go on living like this even after my happy ending. Yes, I have real family now. Yes, I have a support network and real access to my community now. But for the rest of my life, I will always be cursed with a harsh truth about the world. I will always intensely identify with a category of people who more often than not will hurt me given the chance. Because at the end of the day, most people are awful at handling their trauma in healthy ways without hurting others, and marginalization only makes you more likely to have more trauma that makes you more harmful. Marginalization raises the bar you have to cross in order to survive and have a positive impact on the world, based on how kind a person you are. It lowers your chances of ultimately being a good person. That's the biggest reason why marginalization needs to end.

I am fundamentally an amazing person. I'm tied with a few others as the most patient, kind, inviting, understanding, and compassionate person I know. But it doesn't always look that way to other people. I've spent so much time in hell that I have rough edges that I never asked for, that I wound never have had if it was up to me, that are a direct result of abuse and trauma. But sometimes, when people see those rough edges, and they can't fathom on their own that I have just been through that much hell that I internalized some of it, they choose to make assumptions and leave. And it's their loss, because if they'd stuck around then they might have noticed that my natural state is to bend over backwards to help someone else feel comfortable. I truly love learning new lessons about how to help people feel more comfortable and I'm really good at learning them quickly and permanently adjusting my behavior. And they miss out on all of that because they weren't willing to even try. But before now, it was my loss too. The primary reason I took 27 years to figure out my gender, 28 years to figure out my family was always going to be abusive, and 29 years to figure out that I can escape all of that and be happy, is because it simply took that long for less than a dozen wonderful people to find me and actually give me a chance.

And again, I get it. This shit can be scary. If you're seriously considering ghosting someone without communicating first, then I'm willing to bet they hurt you or scared you so much that you're struggling to empathize with them as a person. That's why it's so easy not to think about what ghosting them might do to them. I have had so many moments where I was so afraid of communicating with that person that I was shaking from fear and belaboring over it for hours. And let me be clear, nobody should ever have to feel that way. If a situation like that is scaring you that much, please consider your own safety first. But that doesn't mean you have to ghost them. These kinds of situations are exactly why we've invented practices like mediation and setting boundaries. These are fair and rational ways to come to an understanding when we're so scared that empathy isn't enough. Take a break from thinking about it, if you have to. Nobody needs to hear from you immediately. There is nothing wrong with taking some time to ground yourself and separate yourself from that situation until you can come back to it from better place. Just remember that if you've made them feel like you're a friend they can trust, then you owe it to them not to break that trust. All you have to do is communicate clear boundaries one time, and then if they keep being awful, then they've broken your trust and it's fair to ghost them.

So please, be safe, and set boundaries, but also, please communicate those boundaries and give others a chance. There are so few of us out there who are kind enough to respect every clear and fair boundary we know of, and every single one of us has very little hope of survival until someone else like us gives us a chance. There are too few of us. We are too valuable. Please lift a finger to help each other.

This, I think, is the biggest lesson that everybody needs to learn next if the world is going to become safer for us anytime soon. Happy trans day of visibility!

[hollow-in-this-solidity]

What a beautiful journey it could be,

I felt warmth even the days are Rainy,

Sun energizes me and it shine so brightly,

Your presence gives me harmony,

Your voice and singing birds has similarity,

Your eyes reflect a paradise, it's so lovely,

A day without you cost me anxiety,

It feels I ain't allowed to be free,

Missing you can drown me,

My love are deeper as I thought it would be,

Having you is my perfect melody.

I thought this would end happily,

Yet, there is something that bothers me.

You've changed so much lately,

A hundred of voices & questions are with me,

They're screaming inside, wanted to be free,

I tryna hide, hoping you wouldn't see,

I don't want to lose our eternity,

I'm afraid that wouldn't listen to me,

They've running around my head recently,

Down to my shaken lips of me,

Down to my heart begging for mercy,

Their whispers are driving me crazy,

Trying to control what's inside of me,

Holding it together wasn't easy,

I endure the pain and confusion solely,

I don't want to involve anybody,

Because of the unhealed wounds of me.

Thinking it was a trauma response, maybe.

I don't want to cost someone's negativity,

I fought my own thoughts, silently,

I keep on neglecting my gut daily,

Whatever it is, It's just unnecessary.

Hoping one day, I'll be stable mentally.

Days goes by it only weakened me,

I'm down on my knee,

I'm dying emotionally,

Praying this would end immediately,

Overthinking is this just my destiny,

I don't deserve to have positive energy,

Even to be happy genuinely.

I thought of you suddenly,

I couldn't focus on things eventually,

No matter I am forcing myself to be busy.

The universe trying to awake me,

It's been calling me, everywhere I could be.

Signs and Guts are going against me.

My heart is pumping unusually,

My mind is losing me,

My eyes gets teary,

After I read a message that wasn't for me,

The door was closed until I found the key.

" I love you baby "

But, you called my Honey.

I asked questions politely,

My confusion makes you angry,

You start blaming it on me,

Magnifying my flaw that I asked for apology,

We fought for our stance hardly.

Once, you we're the one who is my company,

In that moment, you we're my enemy.

I wave my white flag while saying "I'm sorry."

You ask for a space and I given it to you fully.

I want you not to let go of me that easily,

I'll do anything for you out of desperately.

Things get clearer to me,

We took our decisions separately.

I expect that you would miss me,

Things went wrong sadly.

As I've been loved you repeatedly,

You we're loving someone already.

You choose someone to be your priority,

Left me with broken promise and misery.

I see, you have alot of familiarity.

You we're not a stranger to me,

It might be sound crazy,

But you we're just like the everybody.

I told you the things that could break me,

Yet, here you are, doing it perfectly.

You gave me confusion, I gave clarity.

You burst out emotion indecisively.

The dream, plans, goals you offer to me,

Turns out a memorable nightmare to see.

What a stupid me, fall out of love blindly.

I ran into you before, when things get heavy.

With all of these traumatic memory,

And the burdens you made me to carry,

I'm running away with these instantly.

Things may happen again unexpectedly,

But I can make a different decision, boldly.

In this, I'm taking this alone and peacefully.

No leaning shoulders on somebody,

Embracing solitude, Gracefully.

Strengthen my mind, thoughtfully.

Healing heart with satisfactory.

Apologizing to myself for,sincerely.

Accepting and letting go, kindly.

Waiting for my season to change, patiently.

Taking a steppings-stones, accordingly.

No doubt why does things happen to me.

Because,I've never learn to take things easy.

I took everything even its so much to carry.

I'm not tripping, are you guilty?

If yes, why you did things that hurt me?

I don't hold grudges, No need to feel sorry.

All I ask is Honesty

If you don't want me? Tell me.

If you find a better woman? Explain to me.

You should wonder, how about me?

I ignore my gut out of my love for you, truly.

Now, I needed to wake up in reality.

It's not your intention to hurt me,

You just want to lived, survive, and be happy.

I understand, but it suffocating me.

If my chaos will your peace, I will be.

Finding your peace, actually heals me.

That's how much I love you, My Lilly.

I must swim and drowned first necessarily,

I want you to love me whole-heartedly.

I've never been good enough with anybody,

Though you say that I shine differently,

You make me believe, I have something on me.

Something that I could only see,

I believe in this truthfully,

I feel so different when you're with me,

I may don't know where it was exacty,

Or it kept me wonder what it could be.

But, Love will identifies it all. Hopefully.

You stained my heart with full of purity,

You make me question of my capability,

You can't satisfied with my intimacy,

You won't love me as I do to you completely.

I don't ask for reciprocacy.

Because love can't be always equally.

Guess, you don't really have some love for me.

Maybe you have, just enough to keep me cozy.

A love that is just temporary.

I ain't playing love anymore, seriously.

For this poetry may find love, permanently,

May this find a peace in everybody,

May this will be a lesson that keeps our hearts kindly.

I'm opening my new chapter in this journey,

This time, Love will find me.

My heart be filled with joy that's been empty,

This change after you left me.

I become Hollow in this Solidity.

[poetryinsilence]

Oceans and Engines (part V)

Robert ‘Bob’ Floyd x Female!Reader

part I | part II | part III | part IV | part V

A/n: Angsty! Yes! Everything leading up to this moment with the big sad because I have no self control when living and thinking about sad scenarios for every character that I love. I am very normal. And so, so much dialogue. Anyway, I hope you had a wonderful October. Love you very much💙

Mushed together a playlist, enjoy!💖

Wc: 3.7k

Questions— questions that were asked were met with even more questions. Bob's been avoiding you ever since the funeral service. You tried to sit down with him to understand if there was something wrong. But to no avail, he brushed you off with a stutter 'I'm fine or 'Everything's okay. Though the avoidance of his gaze to yours speaks louder than his words. You press on further for answers from his teammates, but they are met with the same confused expression you hold on your face. The nervousness creeps up and nests permanently in the depths of your mind.

"Y/n?" Bob calls out from afar.

"I'm in the kitchen!" you respond, blinking at the cup of coffee you're brewing; remembering if you had added sugar or not.

"C-can I talk to you for a second?" you spin on your heels and find him shrinking down a size against the white door frame and licking his lip absentmindedly. A sigh disengaged from your lungs, lightening the weight that’s been anchoring you down in desperation.

“Please. Please tell me what’s going on.”

The plea fluttered out in frailty but stung him with a guilty conscience. “I-I…” he clenched his jaw shut, muscles jumped in a moment of frustration.

Your eyes frantically search his pained expression for a hint of recognition, but watching you with those soft, caring eyes and putting him first in everything cuts him even deeper. The blood purged from his ribcage and stained crimson in his hands, he prayed that the burden would only be on him. But, God, he knew this would hurt you more than anything. To embody the pain now and rip the bandaid off, he could preserve your smile forever, even if it isn't him.

Bob's hands balled into white knuckle fists as he look at you with glassy eyes and spoke:

"I can't do this anymore."

You shake your head in perplexity, trying to wrap your mind around his words, his mind, anything.

"What do you mean? What are you talking about?"

He stays silent, glasses fogging up with condensation and dropping his gaze to the floor. This is it. What's been gnawing at the back of your mind has come true. You can't run away from the inevitable.

"Bobby, please..." your voice rolls out as a sob. Squeaky...weak...tugging a fine line at your heart. Your hands cup on either side of his face, unaware of how much you're shaking at this moment. The indescribable dread draining you cold to your core is driving an immense pressure grounding your feet in place.

The sharp intake of breath pierce his lungs and finally looked up at you with tear-brimmed eyes still so vividly swimming with blue. The walls started to crumble around him; the love, the worry, embracing you with all of him, letting you go with all his might— a constant tug-of-war game that he was destined to lose.

"I'm scared... I'm scared of what might happen to you. I can't promise you that I'll walk through that front door every time. Somewhere down the line, it would happen to me too. And with the Admiral... I can't bear to watch you carry me with you for the rest of your life... I'm a burden...and that's not fair to you."

"You are not a burden."

"You don't know that!"

"I do know that!

"I can't do that to you!"

"Then that's a choice I'm willing to make! Don’t you think every time you leave for a mission I get sick and worry and pray that you come home back to me safe and sound? I know those risks, but I choose to stay because I love you. Have you that little faith in me—in us?

"Y/n…that’s the thing… I put all my faith in us, but faith alone can’t bring someone back to life. I don’t want you to live the rest of your life hanging onto a ghost.”

“Why are you making decisions for me? This is a relationship between us. Don't I get a say in this? Bob, that’s so selfish…”

“I’m sorry, but let me be selfish just this once?”

“You’re such a coward…”

Bob squeezed his eyes shut, a pained expression embedded with his tears, warm streaks trickling down and dissipating down your arms. It stings. The temperate burning you and leaving invisible scars that could never heal. His hand grips yours with every ounce he holds for you; the tenderness, passion burning with rage, opalescently bright. All pressed into a gentle kiss in the palm of your hand.

“So…this is it then?”

He weakly nods.

The sob you’ve been holding onto finally broke out, choking at the back of your throat, and your knees gave out in defeat on the kitchen tiles. Everything you've built together fell as quickly as you've fallen in love with him. Your love was built with the foundation of a matchstick tower; the flames burn bright and keep you warm, but somehow you knew it wouldn't last as it charred and faded away.

"...I love you. Nothing will ever change the love I hold for you."

His whisper echoed with his footsteps fading in the distance, coming and going around you until it stopped with the final slam of the front door.

The sound of your wail fills every chamber of the house. A mix of the deafening silence that's screaming out. It's the first time and the last time you've fought with Bob. He spoke with loving words that engulfed you and painted a faithful future, yet the last few words he spoke turned him into a beautiful stranger. In the end, you don't know him at all.

By the time your eyes give out everything they could’ve offered; the kitchen is pitch in darkness. Your hair is dishevelled in your hands and lips are cracked and chapped from its water vapours into salty tears. Everything felt empty; the tears and emotions with their life forces bled out from every crevice, and the pins and needles tingling in your legs cannot compare to as they dragged across the floorboards, taking you aimlessly somewhere you needed to be. Irony played her part in this game; these four walls and a roof that housed your most treasured memories have ironically been dug up and discarded with a snap of a finger. Dressers and closet rummaged and left apart, every bit of his belongings, gone. What's left are only traces of you and him on the walls, proof that this love once existed, will soon also fade away with time.

Your body crashes onto the mattress, hollow and estranged as you hold yourself closer and closer. Hoping to curl and shrink out of existence, leaving this heartache and pain tearing you from limb to limb. How could he just give up? The reality of your happily ever after turmoil with his thoughts, eventually everything went up in flames and slipped through the cracks of your fingers. Screams and sobs muffled into indistinguishable pleas, helpless and torment all they offer, but none could provide the answer.  Hours upon hours you cried until your eyes grew tired and subsided with rest.

The nights cut into days with the world living as it is. But, to you, it's been 4 o'clock for hours. The ghost of you and him; still frozen on the kitchen floor, living in delusions and fantasies of midnight dancing and buttermilk pancakes. Rooster and Phoenix came round to check on you and grimace at this sight; soul drained of an empty shell, anyone would pity if they saw you. They dare not to mention his name, in fear that you might truly break down into nothingness. But, every word they've spoken turns into soft murmurs while your thoughts eat your voice, still living in yesterday's silence. And the cycle repeats itself.

Phoenix sat on the opposite side of your kitchen chair, brows furrowed with an excruciating look on her face, stroking back and forth a thumb on the back of your hand. She blinked a few times, taking in the sight of you still trained on the black and white floor tiles, eyes depleted of any life they once held. She pursed her lips together and contemplated for a moment before bringing the courage to herself to speak.

"I don't think I'll be coming around for a while... I've been deployed for a mission, and I’ll be leaving soon..."

"-with Bob."

The name drags across your throat like a sharp sting of a blade. You flinch even with the slightest of syllables.

"This mission...there's a chance we might not come back from it." she sighs, dwelling on the hand that lingers a moment longer on yours before retracting and peeling herself off the chair. “I can’t tell anyone this but… I thought you ought to know.”

Phoenix took a step toward the door, but your voice chimed in, stopping her mid-motion.

“Nat,” you croaked. “Please take care of him.”

A rueful smile appears one last time, she gives a minor nod and exits the house.

The air in your lungs burns and radiates until it bleeds with an exhale, unaware that you've been clinging onto this lifeline to keep you from falling apart. The hope that you keep holding out for him, that's just what it is, just holding on. Holding on to the echoes of him. But now, there's a chance he's not coming back. You'd thought you would feel some kind of despair at the words of Phoenix, but what you find is just a bitter numbness that keeps you close. A vacant house that had promised a future; now only holds the past. It became true; what Bob said- that faith alone can't bring someone back to life. He thought he was protecting you, but at the same time, he drove the final stake into your heart that caused this fatal wound. The cruelness of his love wrangled your soul with its thorns and drowned you in the depths of his ocean, a grave with his name etched into your bones and forever be a piece of you that you could never recover. Is this what you have wanted, Bob?

The silence of loneliness haunts your days and bedded by your side at night. A detrimental reminder of the feelings that once existed and ones that you've lost. The ache you're trying to shake off with a bittersweet lullaby to fill the void in your sleepless night; just direly waiting for anything to take you someplace far away. Distant soft sound entrapping you to a familiar sense— somewhere between rifts and possibilities. Welcoming comfort and a knowing of home that washes over you; a gentle summer ocean breeze brushes your silky hair, and faint traces of salty air wander into the backyard.

Here, you hear happy laughter and squealing. And here, Bob waits for you with wide open arms once more. An embrace that melts away absence and heals all wounds. Everything is easy, that life can breathe again. Perhaps love can finally take shape with both of your outlines and defy all odds with that promised future. Bob leans in close and tenderly whispers something in your ear, your brows furrowed in confusion as the distant shoreline tarnished with dark clouds, rumbles and strikes with a flash of thunder.

Your body jolts awake clad in sweat to the glitch of music, stuck in the same loop and repeated lyrics. Face dampened by the frigid stream of tears and sleeping on wet pillows. It took a minute to realise your body convulsing uncontrollably, and the sobbing hiccups gradually turn into hyperventilation. Each breath presses further and further into your organs, and you scream and scramble onto your feet. The room is shrinking and collapsing around you; at any moment, you feel you might fall into the centre of the Earth.

Get out! You need to get out!

The ignition sputters to life with tires screeching on the go. Your mind is overamplified with heartaches, and emotions are hidden in the depths. Just go anywhere. Anywhere but here. Visions honing in on the highway, with headlights barely illuminating the dark. Flickering street lamps blur as you drive on, with no destination in mind, and the racing blood slowly starts to subside. The grip on the steering wheel begins to loosen as the engine sound dies down. You sit and gaze out into the open until you’ve made the connection where you’ve parked.

The tranquil sea sounds different at night. Lonely, cautious, a stranger to visitors at this hour. Your subconscious took you where you least wanted to be, but where you needed the most. The place where everything started and where it needed to part. The car door groaned open with a careful push, the soft grains of sand greeted your feet with a familiar knowing, though the feeling was no longer hopeful. Nostalgic, melancholy, grief; the colour deter from all signs of life, what remains, a world in grayscale and his shade of blue. The ocean draws you closer and befallen you to your knees, exhausted, from walking, from holding on, from any signs that reminded you of Bob.

What is the point of having all this heartache when you can't hold him anymore? What is the point of anything?

Sounds of outcry muted by the crying shoreline, desperately waiting for the waves to take you with each ripple pulling back; filling your lungs with its water until it sears and freezes the pain in your soul. Tearing you apart at the seams, intruding into your bones with every 'why' and 'how' and 'hello' ever spoken— the longing to go back to happier times. The soundless screams rip and burn every muscle in your throat until there's nothing left. What a cruel joke by the Fates— the cross paths of two stars, so intangible by love, and they will never be together. The taste of your salty tears withdraws back with the tides, parting the pain of loving him and returning his ocean blue. It's the greatest cost of letting him go. Slowly but surely, you will feel again. But not this moment.

The nautical twilight carefully rises and bleeds with early shades of red as the sun begins to draw life again. And for once, the world around you quietens down, and the crisp air you breathe feels peaceful. In the distance, a sole spot of black roars in the stratosphere. A saccharine vein of chemtrail seeps in the daybreak on its trail and breaks the sky in between. You, grounded by the earth, and his, soaring in the air, drawing a wall between the two of you.

Forever in two different worlds.

*

Time began ticking, a beat pulsating through the world, and gradually, life is moving for you again. Bit by bit, things are marching to the sound of the ordinary. When Bob's name creeps into your mind; the pain lessens over time. Some days it hurt more than others, and some nights, you would still yearn for him. But over time, the thought of him intrudes every now and then, until you stop seeing his echoes around you. Sometimes you'll hear people speak of his name, and curiosity will still get the best of you, but now only an undertone of sadness remains.

It took some courage for you to step into The Hard Deck again. Though Penny greets an old friend with that same sweet smile, in her gaze, holds sympathy for you. She gave you a soft pat on the hand and served you a beer on the house. You thank her and proceed to find a quiet corner to situate yourself overlooking the bar. Eyes scanned the place and drifted across to the pool table with a group of young pilots pitching against one another. A reminiscent scene of what you once knew. Laughter-filled and glimmering lights, now written in pages in the past tense.

A gentle tap on your shoulder pulls you away from your sentiments. You turn with a breath hitched in your throat, heart skipping a beat when you see the sandy blonde locks neatly slick back, gold-framed glasses perched on the tip of his nose, hiding those cerulean blue glances. The corners of his lips upturned into a boyish grin when you meet his gaze as he begins to greet you with a hello. His name or voice shows no resemblance, but for a brief moment, you remembered. The touch of his hand is unfamiliar but welcoming, and a new wonder that wants to know him more. Step by step, the walls surrounding your heart began to diminish and warm up to this new connection, letting him patiently build a home within you.

Seasons keep rotating and years fly by in this new life of yours. You've long left San Diego and settled in the next town along to Santa Monica, a place where nobody knows you and starting anew with your new boyfriend. Your new abode isn't as spacious as your old one, but the pier here will keep you company. Life moved for you to an accustomed routine; a home life in fledging affection and four walls built with melodic laughter. You've learned to take up a new hobby to pass the time and thoroughly enjoyed the experience of taking strolls in the park with your new love. The restless nights diminished into a twilight sleep.

A promised trip from your boyfriend lands you on a car trip down the West Coast in the sweltering summer heat, the companionship of sweat dripping along the way. The infamous beach peering on your horizon as the car maintains its pace, wandering thoughts lost to you quietly mutters. Does the beach remind him of you?

Somehow it feels nice to set foot at The Hard Deck with arms wrapped around you lovingly. It didn't even occur to you the impromptu karaoke that occasionally happens in the bar with drunken patrons’ outbursts of offkey lyrics, but you just giggle along. From a far distance, you see Penny, looking as lovely as ever, in deep conversations with her usual customers, and next to her, Amelia helping out from behind to manage the rush hour. A sigh of relief to see that nothing has changed. You stride over to strike up a conversation, catching up on good old times. As the hours get late, the atmosphere in the room turns into quiet murmurs amongst groups.

"Y/n!"

The attention falls on your boyfriend as he gets down on one knee, and the crowds befall in astonishment and silence. You take in his sight with wide eyes, anxious about what comes next.

He swallows, and a trembling voice begins:

"We met by Fates in this faithful bar, on a day like this, to me, it was love at first sight. The moment you walked in here, I knew that it had to be you. I swear to the stars that I will always and forever love you for the rest of my life. Y/n, will you marry me?"

The audible gasps and squeals reverberated through the room. But the sole scrap of the old doors caught your attention. You don't understand why or for whatever reason, but you knew you just had to look up. The pristine tanned uniform you knew all too well. With short trimmed curls slick back and a few golden strands run free, wire-framed glasses hiding his tired eyes, and yet still shining a clear, cerulean blue in sorrow.

A tear stings in the corner of your eye, threatening to fall at any moment. The rusted lock in your heart coming undone, even though you thought you've concealed it well enough that you could live through it. But you've underestimated how much you truly loved him. He sees you eye to eye and subtle nods with that same sad smile.

In this fraction of a moment; you were back to being 24 again. That young, green girl with unsaid feelings lingering in the air with longing and amorous affection for a pilot, with a vibrant boy-like charm, that's asking you to dance for the first time.

He takes your hand with glistening eyes, fingers treading timidly to your touch with an undeniable connection. Breathing him in your mouth with whimpering lips that are far from foreign, and the benign hues of blue embrace you in its warmth. Under the low-lit string of lights that strays in rose colour, you twirl in the middle of the makeshift dance floor, smiling in comfortable silence and speaking with forlorn gazes.

Subtly, he would bend a knee and stutter anxiously with words that the time is now and to tie together forever. Foolish as it may seem, you would turn away from everything you knew and run away with him in a heartbeat; somewhere quiet, to a quaint town and start your own ranch. To the life that you've always wanted with him, and the answer for you will always be:

"Yes."

A dissonant whisper as a promise, the ecstatic cheers of the crowd brought you back to the reality that's not the one you imagined. The beatific expression of a lookalike in your embrace lifts you off your feet and spins you through the crowd. But in a blink of an eye, Bob was gone. 

Everything was too little, too late. Of the sinking feeling, and the masquerade of happy tears. He was the one that was made for, but the one that was also destined to say goodbye, parting with bittersweet tears. There will always be a piece of him within you that cannot be faded in this lifetime. Things that once were, and the future it won't be.

The last trace of him dissolves out the door in a haze to a landscape of distant tidal waves, desolate and deplored, crying to anyone that might be listening.

A/n: Thanks for reading!💙

[cookinguptales]

oh gosh, hello! i'd like to request a reading, if you've still got the time! i am rather nervous here as i just never go into people's asks?? but i'm stressing out quite a bit these days about my chronic illness & was thinking, like, as a particular focus, reading-wise--like how does one find joy in terrible circumstances? maybe that's stretching the limits of tarot, but i'm honestly fine with anything, really. tarot is just fascinating to me & it's been ages since i had a reading! anyway, apologies for my rambling!! i hope you have an absolutely wonderful day :)

(quick p.s. just needed to mention while i've got you how much joy your wwdits fics & meta have brought me on truly hopelessly bleak days!! just thanks, dude :) cheers!)

Thank you. ;; That's really sweet, and very nice to hear.

I suppose that when I do this reading, I'll probably be bringing some of my own opinions into it, too, having asked myself the same question due to my own chronic illness quite often. But I guess that's fine. These readings often feel like a conversation facilitated by cards. :)

(Ten of Wands, Five of Swords, Ace of Cups)

Wow, Ten of Wands feels... very on the nose. lmao. It is actually very, very easy to read these first two cards through the lens of chronic illness. The Ten of Wands, obviously enough, is about burden. The Five of Swords... think of it almost... like a pyrrhic victory of sorts. You might have won the battle, but at what cost? You don't feel good about it, for sure.

Putting them together, I do feel the heaviness of a constant slog. Every day you carry your burdens. Your pain, your illness, the constant responsibilities that don't go away just because you're feeling poorly. And each day you succeed, more or less -- I mean, you're still here, aren't you? But oh the cost. Either you have to lower your expectations for yourself or you need to harm yourself to perform to those standards. The kind of psychic and physical damage that inflicts...

I guess... it's the sense of maintenance, isn't it? A careful balancing act every single day that doesn't quite end. All you can do is take care of it as best you can, and try not to beat yourself up whenever you drop a few wands.

Both of these cards do also have a vibe of picking your battles, so to speak. Maybe you don't need to be carrying all ten of those wands. Maybe part of the reason you keep having to put up with pyrrhic victories when you fight is because you're choosing to fight too often. We can't always dump all of our responsibilities when we're sick, but... maybe there's a way to lighten your own load a little? At least mentally, if not in the physical world.

As for the last card, though... I think this is where the true advice comes in. The Ace of Cups is a card of potential. A sort of... divine spring, if you will, from which flows all manner of good things. Love and energy and creativity. So much that the metaphorical cup is running over.

It can be tempting to try and close your hand around this cup. To try and hold tight to this water. But that's not how water works, is it? Instead, let it flow through you. Feel those new beginnings and let them fill you up, then let it all leave you again so it can find someone else.

What I'm getting at here is... Look. Life's a struggle. I know it and so do you. But there are good things in it, too. And those can feel so few and far between that you want to throw yourself into every good thing. Wring every bit of happiness from it that you can. But that's a good way to make a good thing start to feel stressful, or have it go away entirely. It turns joy into work.

Instead, think of it like a pleasant rain shower. You can't predict when it will come, and you can't save it forever. But when it comes, you can take advantage of it. Bathe in it, drink in it, let it renew you. And then let it pass through you, too. You're as much a part of the water cycle as anything.

So when good things come... take them. Don't close yourself off to opportunity just because it feels like One More Thing. Reach out to the people who love you. Have fun wallowing around in your creativity. And then pass it forward. Don't cling to those moments, but give yourself the freedom to feel them fully -- and help other people feel them, too.

For me personally... writing, while occasionally a struggle, is also an outlet. There's a certain joy to the act of creation, and it makes me happy when I can bring that joy to others as well. I can't just... look at the outcome of a story. I have to really enjoy the part where it flows through me, too, even if it feels silly or self-indulgent. Enjoy that moment, and don't think about where it ends.

I think this idea of a sort of divine (if not religious) water that connects us all as long as we open ourselves up to it, accept it, and then continue to pass it on... I think some of that really does feel like joy. Take those little moments of joy into yourself, then reach out to others and share it. Let it reflect between the two of you, magnify, and then move on.

And on the hard days... instead of walling yourself off or trying to brute force your way through happiness, just... let all that flow through you, too. The water cycle doesn't have a beginning or an end, y'know? A flood and a glass of water come from the same source.

It feels reductive to say "be open to joy and then you'll be able to feel it" but... I spent a long time looking for some mercurial something that would make my life worth living despite the pain, but... there is no flash of lightning. No sudden understanding.

You just have to stand out in the rain sometimes and ignore how soggy your socks are in favor of how nice the water feels against your skin. Just -- really, really focus on the things that make you feel good. Take the small victories where you can get them and translate that into joy that you can share.

Weirdly, I do think that stressing out about finding joy can make it harder to feel. Instead of trying to find some grand idea of happiness, though, just... I don't know. Let small things be good. Let them be enough. Let them coalesce into something like joy. Understand that pure joy absent pain probably doesn't exist, not for us, but that doesn't mean that our painful, imperfect joy is worth any less.

I don't know. I'm not a therapist or a philosopher or a psychic. I'm just a woman who, against all odds, is still here at 33. And sometimes it's a stupid vampire that makes me happy (or... sad) and sometimes it's a nice piece of cheese and sometimes it's the way the rain sounds on my window right now. When a nice thing comes, let it feel nice. And when a bad thing does, let it feel bad. Both things will pass through you with time.

And in the meantime... I do think that our humanity is strongest when we reach out to each other. And it can be easier to feel joy when we let others share both our good times and our bad times. A few of those wands we've been carrying all by ourselves or maybe some of that water flowing through our cup.

[iguessitsjustme]

For the "Talk About" meme: 15 and 24 💖

Oooohhhh these are good ones. I'm gonna have to think about them for a bit.

15. Talk about the time you were most content in life.

Other than now, which is probably the most content I've ever been in general, I'll tell you about a specific time I was content. I think I was about 17, maybe 18, and I was with my family visiting my uncle and his family. We were at some cabin, I think my uncle rented it or something, I'm not sure. I'd never seen it before and I haven't seen it since. So this was my dad's side of the family and we aren't particularly close to my dad's side of the family. Well my siblings and I aren't. My parents are a bit more. I've described the disconnect that us siblings have with our cousins as "they are hinged and we are not." My older brother says it's because they had a stable and stationary home life and we have not. ANYWAY. We were at this cabin and it was on the river and after a long day of boating and playing in the river and being incredibly self-conscious about wearing a bathing suit and being around people/strangers (since I didn't know my cousins well at all, they were basically strangers), everyone was chilling at the house, getting ready for dinner, playing games, etc. I went to the dock by myself and just sat and stared at the river as the sunset. That was probably the most content I've ever been. It was also probably the most at peace I've ever been. Which was nice because immediately after that moment, when I went back, my grandma started quizzing me on my plans for the future and I had none which did not help my anxiety. But being near water and just getting to sit and watch the waves is always what makes me feel the most content.

24. Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

There are so many things that people have told me over the years that have meant a lot to me but most of them are incredibly personal and I can't share with anyone but they meant a lot because those people felt safe enough with me and trusted me enough to share those things. BUT if I were to choose a specific thing, it was something that one of my good friends from college told me once about myself. So my friend is the type of person that everyone goes to with their problems and they all kind of expect them to kind of fix it for them. Or give them advice (which they always ignore but I digress). And one time, when I was stressed and needed to vent, I called them and I vented and they let me go on for quite some time, even though I knew that I was the last in a long line of people to dump on them. When I was done, I said "I'm sorry, I know everyone's been coming to you with their problems lately and that you have your own shit to deal with. Is there anything you need to vent about, you can dump on me if you need to." And my friend, said one of the kindest things anyone has ever said to me, "Rae, don't worry. I know you're not venting and expecting me to fix it. You're not just dumping your problems on me and leaving me with them. I never have to worry about you. You might get stressed and vent, but you always work it out yourself. And you don't ignore me. I'm not worried about you." And I almost cried. To know that my friend, who carries so many burdens from other people in their life, did not consider me to be their burden in any way and to trust that I would be okay, it just meant a lot. Cause I had another friend (we aren't friends anymore though this isn't why) who was the exact opposite. This friend didn't trust me to be okay at all. She constantly nagged at me even when I was doing fine and it made me doubt myself and my ability to be okay. Which is actually something I've worked very hard on. If there's one thing you can count on me for, it's that no matter what, I will be okay. It was nice to have my friend recognize that.

Make me talk about myself

[j2lx]

J2LX'S 100 Followers Event!

A/n: Thank you all so much for 100 followers here on Tumblr! I hope you guys enjoy my writing and I'll continue writing for yall as much as possible! Here's a 100 followers event for you! It's my first event so I'm still figuring things out but I hope you all can be patient with me! ❤️🫶🏻

Slots left: 2/5 Closed

Fics:

#13 ("You're too perfect for me, you know?") with Suguru Geto

#3 ("You should be more careful with yourself… You mean a lot to me, you know.") with Maki Zenin

#4 ("Why are you crying baby? Your mood swings again? Or are your cramps hurting you?") with Ryomen Sukuna

How it works + Rules:

- Choose from the list of prompts and characters (one each)! Please state the prompt (type out the entire prompt and the prompt number)!

- Then send me an ask requesting politely for the prompt with the character of your choice!

- You can add context and include a short summary of the plot you want!

- All the prompts are fluff, and I won't write anything other than fluff for this event.

- There will be 5 slots, and it is based on a first come first served basis. If I find that I have the time and can manage, I might accept up to 7 asks.

- Fics will be released in order of the requests unless otherwise stated.

- I will write two fics maximum for one character. If there are two asks each for two different characters, I will accept the two asks for the first character, and only one for the other (eg. two people request for Toji and then sukuna. I will accept the two Toji asks and one of the sukuna asks based on who requested first)

(There will also be some prompts specially for Fem Bodied readers <3)

I will not accept:

- Requests for two or more prompts, or requests for two or more characters

- Impolite requests

- NSFW (this event is a SFW event)

- Pure angst (this is a fluff event so the most I will do is minor angst to fluff)

Character List:

Itadori Yuuji

Fushiguro Megumi

Kugisaki Nobara

Satoru Gojo

Nanami Kento

Ryomen Sukuna (he has his own body but not in his true form)

Geto Suguru (Grown up Geto but he's still like his high school days b4 he went yk-)

Inumaki Toge

Maki Zenin

Yuuta Okkotsu

Naoya Zenin (He isn't misogynistic because he loves reader vv much)

Toji Fushiguro

Prompt List:

For GN!reader

"Aren't you tired from today baby? Wanna come lie down on me?"

"Kiss me please… want your lips on mine so badly…"

"You should be more careful with yourself… You mean a lot to me, you know."

"Please don't go… Need you here right now."

"Oh? Why do you keep staring at me like that baby?"

"I didn't give in to my desires and I've been good haven't I? So please kiss me now."

"I promise I'll be here when you wake up, so go to sleep now baby."

"It's ok, it was just a dream. I'm here ok? I'm not leaving anytime soon."

"I dare you not to kiss or hug me for a whole day!"

"Hmm? What happened? Do you want my cuddles to feel better?"

"I told you you'll catch a cold and look where we are now."

"I'll always remember you. No matter what happens, or what I'll have to go through. I promise."

"You're too perfect for me, you know?"

"You'll be alright, trust me. I believe in you!"

"I saw you eyeing this the other day so I got it for you… Do you like it?"

"I just wanted to tell you… I love you."

"Why did you do that? Next time bring me along so it'll be less dangerous ok?"

"You should have told me this earlier. Don't carry this burden alone. You've got to tell me how you feel."

"Living and loving someone… I never thought I would go through it myself. Then you came and turned my world upside down."

"If you don't want to talk about it now, at least let me treat your injuries."

"You can always hide behind me if you get scared!"

"Hey! Since when was I your personal heater huh?"

"Close your eyes baby! I'm bringing you somewhere special so you can't see where we're going to go ok?"

"It's alright to not be ok. Just remember that I'm here and I'll try my best to brighten up your day!"

"You really love cuddling and kissing huh…"

For Fem Bodied!reader

"Awww you got cramps? C'mere lemme rub your tummy for you princess."

"Why didn't you tell me you got your period? Shouldn't it be my responsibility to help take care of you too?"

"Doesn't it hurt… down there? Can't I help make it better?"

"Why are you crying baby? Your mood swings again? Or are your cramps hurting you?"

"Oh you stained the bed? That's ok baby. It's natural ok?"

Hope you all will enjoy the event and thank you for your support ❤️

© @j2lx, 2022

[in-my-feels-probably]

Hi! Congratulations on 1,000 followers, this celebration is so creative and fun.

Can I have option two I'm sorry but I couldn't choose between the three, you can choose if you'd like, I won't mind if you don't do all three. Male, romantic ships for Grishaverse, Harry Potter (lighting era), and Outer Banks, please.

I'm a straight female and I'm an ambivert, I can be pretty outgoing but I do need my alone time at the end of the day before going to sleep. I have anxiety and dyscalculia (which is a learning disability in math) and seasonal depression in the winter. I am a huge bookworm and I'm very close with my family. I love being outside, something about it just soothes my soul so I like to spend as much time outdoors as possible. I love archery, tennis, and going on hikes/long walks. I love photography and I take a ton of photos of my family and friends, I am a major hopeless romantic as well. I love self-care and I have a self-care night every Sunday, pulling all the stops. I have never traveled very far from my home state (in the US) but I want to see Europe and certain places in the US. My favorite place is the front porch steps of my house, I'll sit there any chance I get. My favorite book is probably the first book in the Inheritance Games series. My favorite artists are Taylor Swift and Kelsea Ballerini. I'm a very curious person and my Google history reflects that perfectly, I also love art but I cannot draw for the life of me, I want to learn to play the keyboard soon. My nails are always painted in bright colors and I love cooking and baking. I can be blunt at times and hurt people's feelings without meaning to, I talk without thinking often. I love having deep conversations and laughing.

If you do Outerbanks, please don't choose John B or JJ. Both of them look like they never shower and I just cannot get over it.

hi!

thanks for participating :)

I'll tell you out of all three fandoms which character i shipe you with, and then do the full thing for who i think you're best suited for.

i ship you with pope, nikolai, and neville! i'm gonna go with pope for this, hope that's alright.

i'd consider pope an ambivert too. he can carry a conversation and do well in a group setting, but i think his social battery isn't as big as the rest of the groups. he needs his time alone to recharge, and i think he'd enjoy doing that with you. i think he gets anxious too, and would really understand how your anxiety can be hard for you. he''s got a lot of pressures and burdens weighing on him, and would know how suffocating that feeling could be. he'd do anything he could to make you feel more comfortable. seasonal depression gets him too, and he'd really appreciate that you could find comfort in each other.

pope is very good academically. he'd see how your learning disability frustrated you, and help in any way he could to make you feel more confident with your academics. math probably comes easy to him, so it would be no issue helping you study. plus, he likes spending one on one time with you, and its an excuse to be with you longer. o'd consider himn to be a very curious person to. he'd be one of the few people you know actually fascinated by school, and he'd ike the fact that you're curious about random things too.

i know they live in obx, but i'm not entirely convinced pope likes the beach. he defintiely likes the outdoors, like being on a boat, but beyond surfing, i don't think he'd find much comfort at the beach. he'd rather spend the time with you, going for walks. he's also more than content to sit on the porch wiith you, or at the chateau.

i think pope wants to travel. he loves his family and would value that you love yours, but hes always with them. going to college and seeing more of the world would be one of his dreams, and he'd want to do it with you.

i think pope's love language is quality time and acts of service. after stressful days, he'd want nothing more than to unwind with you. he's all for a selfcare day. he'd come over and sit with you, content to do whatever you wanted.

you'd be brushing on a face mask for him, yours already on. he'd smile to himself as he watched your look of concentration.

"how was your day?" he'd ask.

you'd shrug, distracted. "it was fine. how was yours?"

"it was fine. it's getting a lot better now."

you'd fight the flush creeping to your cheeks, shaking your head. "yeah? why's that?"

he'd ignore your question, refusing to give you the satisfaction of his answer. "i've got a new book for you. i finished it a few days ago, i think you'll really like it."

you'd smile, continuing to paint his mask on. "let me finish here and you can tell me about it. ok?"

he'd smile, already feeling his stress melt away. "ok, love."

--

sorry for the wait! thank you again for participating :)

[savage-rhi]

I loved the first prompto/gladio you posted!!! Staying on the angst train could we get a already dating prompto and gladio and he calls galdio at like 3am and he sounds really upset and like he's gonna khs you can choose how it ends but could you use the prompt “ i can’t do this. ”

Thank you for the compliment! I hope this is to your liking! 💙

Gladio was the kind of man who didn't hesitate to take action. Especially in the face of danger. Being the future kings shield, he had to be decisive even if his actions resulted in his own undoing. Clarus, his father, had taught him since childhood how to run with the fires of war, and never against. " Amicitia's never run from danger..." was an unofficial motto of his house. Gladio took the saying to heart then as he did now; even while his own pulse quaked while listening to Prompto's confessions.

Gods, it was heavy. To Gladio, it was heavier than the weapons he carried and mightier than the punches he had taken on behalf of all he had loved. Words couldn't touch what he was experiencing, and the anger that coincided. Gladio wasn't angry at Prompto. No, he was mad at himself. Mad that he didn't see the signs until now that there was something wrong.

Prompto had always been a cheerful man. Someone who brought life to any group or person who'd come his way. Gladio never believed in social butterflies until he had met him. It was one of the many reasons why his fondness for Prompto grew and led to their current relationship. The image of this wonderful person he loved had been stripped into shadows of his own making. Gladio wish he had known how miserable Prompto was. Maybe if he had paid more attention, and didn't assume everything was alright, this conversation could've transpired long ago.

"I can't do this." Prompto said over the phone, rubbing his forehead while he silently cried.

"What do you mean by that?" Gladio swallowed. He already knew the answer, yet his body still braced itself.

"All these feelings," Prompto sighed bitterly. "I've tried Gladio. I've tried for so long to handle it on my own. I tried talking to Ignis and Noct about it too but---they don't get it. No one does. Maybe you, but I know I unloaded onto ya, and I'm sorry. I don't want to be a burden to anyone. Especially the guys and you."

"You don't owe me a damn thing," Gladio sighed. He rubbed his eyes, wanting nothing more than to be at Prompto's side instead of being stuck at home. "You and I will figure this out together. I can promise you that."

"How do you know it will work?" Prompto murmured.

Gladio was quiet for a time. If there was one thing he lacked in, it was emotional tact. And right now, Gladio knew he needed to be focused all the way for Prompto's sake.

"Because I know us," Gladio's voice softened. He closed his eyes, and began to reminiscence. Memories of Prompto and him helping out one another during dangerous times and feats sprung up. Gladio's eyes began to water, remembering that despite staring death in the face, Prompto was always smiling. There was never a dull moment with him. Gladio couldn't imagine that light being snuffed away, by Prompto's own hand no less.

"Gladio?"

Prompto's quiet voice broke Gladio out of his thoughts and he quickly fell back onto the road he had begun to pave with his words.

"I know we are capable of running through hell together. You just gotta promise me you'll stick around and let me show you we can do anything."

There was a long pause that had Gladio wondering if perhaps he had screwed up. He shot up from bed, ready to throw on his clothes and run for the nearest medic. It was only when he heard Prompto chuckle sadly did he calm.

"And here I thought Iggy was the pep talk master."

Gladio sighed. He shook his head and carded a hand through his hair. Relief began to wash over him, having heard a rising hope in Prompto's voice.

"What can I say? The guy is inspirational." Gladio mused. "I'll come over tonight."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"What about everything I said?"

"We'll tackle it come morning. I'll help you research some therapists in the city. We got this, Prompt. I gotcha. Always have, always will."

Gladio looked over to his clock. It was approaching 3am. He could catch a late bus if he planned it right. Even if he missed the ride, Gladio knew it wouldn't stop him from rushing into the fire of Prompto's own misery, and pulling him back from the flames.

If you like my work and feel generous, feel free to donate to my ko-fi account or my cash app account!

Cash App: $JayRex1463

[softredrobin]

For the ask game: 31, 32! ^^

I see u making me do a self call out.

Got kinda long bc I am both very emotional and have a lot of favorite quotes so I'm gonna drop a cut to spare the dashes of other folks lol

31. Video(s) that made you cry?

FL S1:

Bakadere Empathy Daemon Asks You For Help

All three "Meeting Up With a _______ Elemental" videos for Huxley, Lasko, and Damien in S1

Comforted by an Arrogant Incubus

Shaw Pack/Solaire Clan:

Tsundere Werewolf Boyfriend Breaks Down

Confronted by Your Pack Alpha

Getting Closer to Your Vampire Mate

Comforted After a Hard Day at Work by Your Alpha Werewolf Boyfriend

Helping Your Sweet Werewolf Boyfriend Get Back to Sleep

Helping Your Werewolf Boyfriend Shift Again

FL S2/Inversion:

Shock and Awe at the Elemental and Energetic Games Qualifiers (it didn't originally... but now it does)

Voices Gone Silent

Right Here

The Void They Leave Behind

All Along

Aftershock/FL S3/Misc Post-Inversion:

Consoling (And Consoled By) Your Elemental Friends

Your Unempowered Boyfriend Tries to Comfort You

Comforted and Cared For by Your Incubus Boyfriend

I think I got them all..? Yikes.... I cry a lot.

32. Favorite quote(s)?

I'll be the first to direct you to my redacted hands series, but regardless.... here's some of my favorites (be warned, two of them in particular are...longer than the others). Also a warning for a quote that talks about the bridging incident.

"God damn it, we've earned some joy in this fuckin' life."

"Home is you, wherever that is."

"Stars are nice, but... I like looking at you better.

"It's okay. You’re safe. You don’t have to hide away anymore, sweetheart."

"What happened with him didn’t mess you up, or leave you as something that needs fixing, or anything like that, any of those shitty feelings that that asshole left in his wake. If you want to do this, it isn’t about him. It’s about you, and the person you choose to share it with. He doesn’t get to have that hold on you. Bridging is a beautiful thing that we have the power to do. And it should be beautiful for you when it happens. When it happens because you chose to do it, and you knew what it was, and it’s done with someone who cares and knows and trusts you. So yes. I would consider it an amazing fucking gift if you chose to share that with me. And I swear on everything I’ve got that I’d treat it with the respect that something like that deserves."

"Being with you makes me happy. The happiest I’ve ever been. I love you."

"Hey, you don’t have to hide your face. You are incredibly brave. And incredibly strong. And you have been walking around with the weight of the world on your shoulders without so much as a flinch. You are someone truly remarkable. Please. Believe it when I say that. You can set the world down now. That doesn’t make you a failure. That doesn’t make you weak. There’s no finish line you didn’t get to, there’s just your life stretched out ahead of you. And there are people in that life who care about you. Very much. People who aren’t going to think less of you, or turn away from you if that weight starts to slip off your shoulders. We are people who will rush to your side to bolster you. To carry some of that burden when it gets to be too much. We’re here for you. I’m here for you."

"And you’re currently holding the hand of an incredibly handsome and painfully humble man, so your taste in that department also seems exceptional if I do say so myself."

"'Yes'? That’s all I get? Well sure, it’s enough, but where’s the weeping, where’s the drama, where’s you cutting me off with a kiss like some kind of movie– ow, why are you hitting me–"

"Hey. Are you all right? No, I'm not talking about 'will be'. I'm talking right now. Are you all right?"

"I got you. Of course I'll stay. You don't have to keep the armor up tonight. The fighting's done. You can just rest."

"This is your pantry? You know there's supposed to be food in here, right? Do I dare even open that fridge… How are there so many condiments and no actual food?!"

[lisxdumbr]

i Finally finished the reply (I just woke up from taking a nap)

I don't mind you replying to both asks in one post at all! ♪ I intended for my asks to be separated so you can answer each with half the whole burden divided since they're pretty.. Long, yanno? Easier and faster to reply to each. Before anything else, thank you for taking out some of your precious time to reply !! I do have a small request tho, since the asks and reply can get long, will it alright for you if you can put *read more*? :0 I just feel like not wanting to take up space on someone's feed since i feel bad and so so sdfjfhds. I hope that's okay for you; I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY. help. BONJOUR to you☆ for the greetings, because I have no idea what to go for the greeting.

Themes can somehow show a person's uniqueness, a quick insight to their aesthetic choices and such, so it's a lovely thought! There will always be someone who will like what you do and create <3 I have seen Qian's!! but i am unsure about Soren's (have not seen it), either way, their themes surely look beautiful even if I have not witnessed it all 🙌✨

HI you are a Moon too...!! mm I don't know, but it radiated Yuta energy to me when you said that. I agree with the thing about the units choosing you !! There will be units you thought you'd like at first, but they don't survive in the end as the actual units you produce </3 you'll never know when it happens. I HAVE READ THE 2WINKVERSARY it is lovely. I think it made me tear up a bit, I can feel your love for them, and the journey along the twins hand in hand throughout the time. Sobs. It's really meant to be, isn't it?

Enstarsblr is wonderful, there's lots of nice people if you know where to look. I'm happy that it's a nice and welcoming community, good for everyone in here !! With the mention of the prev year, I have heard that it's quite the tiny community filled with peace back then (am not yet into enstars). I'll extend my support too, wherever they may be.

Controlling fear of bugs is so amazing that you could do it !! am so proud of you <33 i feel the same about thinking dragonflies were small, but they Weren't. Brings me back to the gigantic dragonflies of the prehistoric age, the Meganeura. Yes, the Horrors... If a cockroach in the area attempts to fly, pls see me in heaven.

Back then while I was doing my homework in our living room, there's a grasshopper (yes it aint crickets usually but they're similar in the jumping sense,,,) in the corner. More often than not, instances when there's a grasshopper in the house, it coincidences with the nearing date of our deceased relative's birthdays (more on my grandpas/grannys). It's like a culture belief in my country, like a dead relative visiting you in form of insects.

The horrible thing about them is when they JUMP. I am terrified. So when I saw one in the corner of our living room ( i have high insect detection instincts due to being afraid of them. and yet usually they say theres no bug in there when i see it with my two eyes ) I said, "Pack it up, soldiers. We're going home," and left everything else unattended for I will die within the presence of the grasshopper. I am very comfy with having sunflower as my emoji, don't worry !! ✨

Philo and psych are two interesting subjects to study, I hope you learned a bunch of things from studying it !! Absolutely take your time to answer, I beg of you... I get carried away when chatting (haha.,,..) so it results in typing long messages. and of course, more importantly, Take care now!! 💗 (i'll follow up the second reply)

P.S: How do i stop talking.. goodness. I cannot shut up for the life of me. I have the 2nd part ready, but it is Long as well, like a Ramble. Please answer my asks when you have the time Only !! Conserve thy energy for better things <3

— 🌻.

HELLOOO LOVELY ANON WHO GIVES ME A SEROTONIN BOOST EVERY TIME. I apologize for the time it took me to get to your ask ;; I hope you're doing great today btw !! I decided to reply to both of your asks in one post (again) but separately (?) this time, just trying formats.

And sure !! I didn't think about the length of the post at all because of the new Tumblr "expand" thing, but let's give it a try !

I still believe you're too kind when talking about my themes, oooh you should've seen my past ones. I still miss the Lemon Squash Cheers one and the No Name Yet Kohaku too ♡ I've been thinking I should. return to them one day, but I'd have to search for the assets I used and hhh. (Pretty sure I saved them on purpose because of this idea but my gallery is a mess 0(-( ). And !! I decided I will change to the Trick w Treat Yuta actually! When school allows me (fee me).

YOU SHOULD SEE SORENCAT'S THEMES. it's so unfortunate you can't see his past themes </33 (I'm crossing my fingers that he won't read this, else it'll be embarrassing) but,, he was a huge inspiration for me when designing themes. Actually the entire layout of my edit blog is so inspired in the layouts he previously had. HIS BRAIN >>> my favorite ones were both his autumn and winter themes (from last year) perhaps I have a screenshot? 👀 (As I implied before my gallery is a mess. I never delete anything, it's horrifying) but even if I did, I guess I'd need his permission to show u,, ANYWAY. I'm rambling about my friend and you don't even know him I believe-- his user is @ nnatsume ! He's currently on hiatus but he's as treasured as anyone,, even if we don't talk much anymore </3

YOU'RE SO !!!?&?&! I'm going to hold you in my hand. That actually irradiated Yuta energy??? I keep finding details that make us more and more similar. I am. so ashamed that you had to see my 2winkversary,, I went a bit insane there ummm twiddle. Enstarsblr was indeed one of the most beautiful places on earth, I'm sad to admit that the community crushed and divided itself after Eng release and the amount of new people getting involved </3

See I'm not mad at the newcomers or anything, glad they're enjoying their time. But I am a bit bitter towards them because, small parenthesis;

At the beginning they started causing a lot of controversy over stuff they were ignorant about. I remember they started insulting Anzu and "cancelling characters for being problematic" and they also refused to read stories--

I'm a silly little #gatekeeper idk I just don't like my interests to be mainstream (that's on me ik)

Ohhhmygod the amount of weird people plaguing the main tag now,, enstblr used to be a very tranquil space, not updated that much and with so little people on it we literally knew everyone. We could spot newcomers and welcome them in an instant. Now you see 70 different people there a day, and let's not talk about the,, fics. I'm personally not against dark content (I actually like some of it) or the NSFUU because it's just another genre of writing but,, does it has to plague the entire tag,, there's not even a balance, every day I check the tag and there are 20 different works from accounts I haven't seen in my life and like. 10 of them are nsw help me Jesus 0(-(

I know there are cool people among the newcomers probably, but I can't help but think about the golden era. Those shiny days we had last year and at the beginning of this year.. I miss them, I wish I could go back </3

This is such a jump of topics, but !! Yeah I'm surprised at myself too. This is going to sound stupidly silly but,, even if this "fear of bugs control" started a while ago, it actually started developing much more when I started thinking to myself "if Yuuta was here, who would protect him from the bugs!?" and for some reason that. helped a lot ????? I don't know if you know this but he's absolutely terrified of insects and I found that so cute he's the silliest YOUR INSTINCT IS AMAZING THOUGH, I was going to say a fun fact about scorpions, but I decided that. maybe it wouldn't be the best thing to do if you fear them. well.

It's totally ok to ramble btw, I enjoy reading you ! And I love looove talking too, so it's ok really <3

ー 〜 ー 〜 ー　♧　ー 〜 ー 〜 ー

Second ask <3

Omg... various face paints, I'd like to see that !! it's so nice that the face paints do not limit creativity, and allows it to grow. Ooh, although I cannot personally add a comment on your opinion, I looked up Skelita and !! She looks so amazing + according to the description, she has a nice personality too!! I love the orange highlights and colorful dress.

Worry not !! I'm glad you're at least fine, it means a lot already ^_^ Yeahhhh... homework... *collapses just by the thought of it* Liking your classes is so niceee waahh, I'm happy you're at least enjoying them ! OHHH your creative projects seems so interesting, I hope it goes well and you enjoy the process of doing so !! Media is a blessing, since it inspires us to find outlets for our hyperfixations and interests. I have some vague ideas in my mind for the final project, but it only focuses on aesthetics and symbolisms, if that's allowed within the "anything" range your teacher told you,,, let me know if you wanna hear it. all the best <3

thank you, i will be dropping by whenever i have the time (i actually typed this hours ago before i passed out ) also the amount of 0(-( in the second reply is sending me. i love that. 읏.

anon lore... i guess you could call it like that,... im not supposed to reveal that im a reiP first and foremost however i figured that it would make sense since it's timely that his fs 2 is around. 100 pulls hurts a lot in jp server,,, lis i am so sorry for your lost dias :((( .... this happened to me. Rei is a [redacted] for making me pull 130 pulls on his noir neige banner on taiwan server and NO, he did not came home. I think i lost my sanity along with my dias due to that.

I SUPPORT HINATAP agenda. idk to yuta, deserved... perhaps. there's something with liking a sibling which makes the other sibling to come home to you instead (hello ritsu). update: i tried doing single pulls until my dias went exactly to 1k, no rei for now!! in the future i hope. I HOPE YOU GET MIRAGE YUTA 3 MONTHS LATER !! *does the same violent act to yuta and throws many copies of mirage yuta to you. might as well kidnap him the izumi way. ( i am sorry )* Deeply thinking about what if the hinata cards that came home to you were supposed to be yuta in disguise but before he could change he was pulled in disguise as hinata (coping mechanism,, maybe.)

NOOOOOOO kanata..!!! they got fs 2 rei x2, but at what cost.. when kanata didn't puka puka his way to his pulls !! kanata probably floated in the wrong water 😭 i hope they get kanata too after 3 months !! love and support from an oddballsP <3 peace and love !!! we shall get our favs after 3 months... *prepares weapons and equipment for war* Being f2p in this game spells suffering. " i blocked him that day" HELP ME. That is so understandable fjdsjdks

& ! I did had an amazing day !! (it's midnight as we speak right now) MAY YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY AS WELL!! <3 heart heart. i talked a lott. Help. I just hope my asks were at least good reading materials to you, like a newspaper. See you !!

I'm so glad you feel interested in the culture !! It's actually, really wide (and cool too) honestly reading your reply hit me like a truck. Oh mein gott, sometimes I forget people grow in different environments and that not all experiences are similar to mine but. You're the first person who tells me they didn't know Skelita, I felt 💥 (am I getting old. are people these days not into MH anymore...? ‹/3)

And yeah !! My subjects are so cool, I'd love to hear your final project ideas btw <3 anything means anything. It's not the idea, but the way you execute it you know? 👀 I can use any concept if I'm able to demonstrate I actually learned techniques and composition and all that stuff.

I'm glad you love the 0(-( because that's. Me. That's my energy. 0(-( and yeah 100 pulls is. a lot. It pains me but well, one day ! Also omg I'm so sorry :(( I've never played twstars but I believe they hold the same system as foreign servers in general?? Hopefully you could replenish your dia quickly ! I actually pulled for that Rei too (and didn't get him aha) because,, Noir Neige my beloved and the ultimatum of my insanity. I wanted to grind that Ritsu but I had to save because I was a bit broke,, (and thanks god because the amount of faves that came after,, ohh if you knew).

HELP ME, hand me the Ritsus, I've been wanting kitty Ritsu since day 1. ACTUALLY since day 0. I knew about that card before I started playing and I knew I wanted it as soon as I created my account (and guess what. hueh. points at my empty Ritsu stock). THANK YOU SO MUCH. I hope so too :(( lady year I didn't get Fruitful Yuu either and he came in a free pull like. 6 months later so !! I have faith (though I give the credit to my friend Marchie (@ rinnelovebot) because before pulling she wished me to get a Yuta and !! It happened (and she's so lucky with my faves, she has the Hinata card I'm missing 0(-( ) Maybe they keep switching places, perhaps. Also it's ok if you kidnap him, deserved, I mean he already has experience after nightclub so hwJJBDHHWBFB I'm not sorry.

We all adore the eccentrics <33 my beloved weird geniuses. I miss them every day. I hope you get all your Reis in the future btw !! wishing you luck <3

Have a nice day too !! Yes your asks are amazing and good ! do not feel bad about talking and infodumping if it makes you happy ♡

[rianemorgan]

Manjiro Sano x Little Sister!Reader

I don't know what this is just read

Part 2: HERE

" God Please!! I'll do anything, Just give them back! Please, Let Mikey-nii have his happiness...just give all his sufferings to me, I can take it all "

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.

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*CRASH*

"Onni chan that's enough"

A soft voice rang through the room reaching the ears of the white haired man. Mikey look up to see his youngest sister, Y/n looking at him with anticipation. The number 2 of Bonten, Sanzu Haruchiyo hurriedly goes into her room earlier for his older brother is having another episode of his dark impulsivity.

" Y/n "

" Mikey nii, you have to stop this already, Shin nii and Emma nee won't like what you're currently doing to yourself! "

" Stay out of this Y/n, this has nothing to do with you.. "

Mikey stand up from his bed and starting to walk out of his room

" Emma nee told me to take care of you! Keisuke and Shin nii too!! I promised them!! I promised them that I'll always look out for you.."

" You don't have to, I can take care of myself..."

Y/n gritted her teeth from the nonchalant tone of her brother "why can't you just let me in! just let me help you onii chan!"

Mikey snapped his head towards y/n giving her a deadly glare "I don't need you to take care of me nor do I need your help, you didn't even manage to save Emma from that hit back then, you're there and you didn't even do a thing, you just simply stood there and watch her get hit by Kisaki, so what gives you the right to say that you'll help me if you are even one of the reason I'm like this?!" He shouted while stomping out of the room. Y/n knows that he didn't mean any of it, she knows that it's just his dark impulsivity talking and they will eventually make up, but why...why does it hurt hearing it right from his own brother, y/n also blamed herself that time, mikey nii is right, she was there that time with takemitchy, yet she didn't able to do anything for her sister. Y/n carried that burden but choose not to dwell in it for she needs to be strong for her brother, well up until now before mikey bluntly mention it deeply wounding his little sister.

Y/n already knows that mikey kind of didn't like her, even when they were young, mikey is a bit jealous of y/n for having most of shinichiro's attention, it's also obvious that he favours Emma much more even though they spent more years together.

'Im not surprised anymore that he really hates me now' Y/n though with tears streaming down her cheeks 'I wonder...if I'm the one who dies, will he cry and grieve for me? I mean, he kind of grieved for Izana nii's death and they only met like once or twice so maybe?...'

Y/n wiped her tears off and go back to her room, she look out of the balcony and stare at the night sky, how beautiful it is, she think back to her younger days where Shinichiro bio would always take her into a nightly rides, Emma and her having a girl's night out, and mikey, even though he didn't like her so much, still give her some candies and dorayaki for a treat.

Y/n close her eyes tightly, her hands into a praying position making a wish to the thousand of stars that is currently littering the beautiful night sky and praying to the God out there who she hopefully will listen to her wish.

" God, Please! I'll do anything, Just give them back, I want Mikey nii to be happy!! Just give all his sufferings to me, Please, I'll pay the price, my life, my soul, my whole fucking existence even though I know it's so insignificant!! Just Please, please!! "

------------------------------------------------------

" Mikey! wake up already! " A hand suddenly tug his blanket down taking away the comforting feels, Mikey shot his eyes open once he heard the familiar voice of his sister, Emma.

'Wtf? Did I took some of sanzus drugs for myself?' mikey asked himself while standing up, he walks out of his room toward the dining table for breakfast, imagine the shock and bewilderment he feels when he not only find his already dead sister, why the hell is Shinichiro here?!

Okay that's it, 'i think I'm still high' mikey slap himself and pinch his face, unfortunately/fortunately he really is not hallucinating

"Manjiro, you alright?" His older brother asked him while looking at him worriedly

Mikey suddenly tear up when he realized that they're indeed real, Emma and Shinichiro is alive, he's also back in his 16 years old body, is this what takemitchy means by going back in time? But shinichiro's alive?

Emma and Shinichiro hurriedly went to Mikey's side to check if there's something wrong with their overly confident brother. Mikey just shake them off with his famous close eyed smile, saying that he's really alright before giving each of them a tight hug.

" I had this really weird dream where you guys are dead, Baji is dead and I disbanded Toman "

" Huh? You disbanding Toman? That's impossible, also, were alive manjiro, keisuke too is alive, so whatever dream you have, don't mind it already. "

"ahh your right, I just find it funny how I became the leader of a criminal organization in my dream...oh and there's also y/n, she's the only one that I have left in that dream, i should apologize to her later, after all, I said some pretty mean things to her, even though it's only a dream."

Shinichiro and Emma just stared at him strangely like he just said something weird

"speaking of, where's y/n? I dont see her, shouldn't wake her up Emma??"

"Mikey...Who's Y/n?"

Mikey stops himself from eating and stares at his two siblings

"she's our sister, Emma what do you mean who's y/n?"

"I don't know anyone named y/n, there's only 4 of us siblings, izana included, though he's not here right now for he's with kakucho..." Shinichiro said. Mikey excuse himself from the dining table and went to find his younger sister, y/n's old room inside the sano household only to find it just full of boxes and useless things.

Mikey felt fear creeps into his being, he knows he's not the best brother around when it comes to y/n but that doesn't mean he wants her gone, after all, y/n's the only person who kept him in check when he's in bonten, even if he try to deny it or something.

He run out of the house trying to find any trace of y/n only to find nothing, why, why did she suddenly disappear? Is this his punishment for being so mean to her? They're already complete, Shinichiro, Emma, even Izana is here, Toman too... So where is she? Where's y/n and why does he only know her?

Y/n...this is unfair, where are you?

Dang, I hope it this one shot went well, like, I only write what comes to my mind an.....yeah, I just hope you guys like it, and this is the first time I'm writing a TR fanfic and writing it here on tumblr too so yeah...hehehe