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moonlit-imagines · 4 years

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Headcanons for being a younger Avenger and mentoring Kamala

Kamala Khan x reader

warnings: avengers game spoilers, guns

a/n: so excited about this one; i made y/n just a bit older (and gn!) so that they’re in their mid-early teens during a-day! hope thats okie doke! reader has electrokinesis. this accidentally got really detailed

prompt: anonymous: “Hey there! Would you mind writing HCs for the Avengers Game about female reader being a young Avenger (around 17) and mentoring Kamala Khan?”

you were just a kid yourself when you joined the avengers

and you were an inspiration to kids around the world

“does SHIELD think nothing of child labor laws?” -bruce

the avengers became your family

and seeing what you could do...they knew you could handle yourself

and then a-day happened

the day started off so perfect

and the kids went ballistic over seeing you

“y/h/n! look, it’s y/h/n!”

“can i get a picture?”

“hi, guys! of course you can!”

but there was one kid who stuck out among the rest

kamala khan

“you’re the one who wrote about the sewers, right? i freaking loved it! may i just say your art is amazing?”

“r-really?”

“oh, yeah! and the part where you had thor spin mjölnir to push water towards the sewer lizards so i could shock them? genius!”

she could not wait to tell abu about what you had just said

you obviously took a selfie with her and handed her a little pin with your own “icon” on it

but your world got turned upside down that day

the battle was one you’d never forget

and the fighting with your own teammates afterwards would haunt you for years to come

“what do you know, y/n?! you’re just a kid!” -tony

“oh yeah? im one of the only functioning members of this team!”

“everybody calm down. y/n makes a good point, but—” -nat

“thank you”

“...but there’s some stuff you should leave up to us. you really shouldn’t have to take on so much responsibility” -nat

“she’s right, y/n. this was our fault” -bruce

“are you kidding me?! i’m just as guilty as the rest of you, i’m an equal member of this team! for years we’ve dealt with this together, taken the blame together! what’s changed?”

“y/n...you saw what we did out there. that changed everything...” -bruce

you technically were an inhuman, just not terrigen-based

didnt matter to AIM, they took dr. pym for god’s sake

so you had to run, you were on your own for a while

a long while

you laid low for five years, most boring five years of your life

at least you still had your life, though. it just wasn’t what it used to be

but you got a message one day

“‘tiny dancer,’ huh? my moneys on either nat or tony. nah, tony would have chosen ‘rocket man.’”

you couldn’t be sure, maybe it was just a random shield agent...maybe hank pym? god, this was crazy

the message brought you to, uh, cap’s memorial statue

and there was a young girl arguing with a couple of boys...an inhuman!

you hopped in and saved her, she seemed scared

“hey, kid, you alright?”

“y/h/n? is it really you?”

she seemed vaguely familiar

“are you tiny dancer?”

“no, i thought you might be? they sent you here, too?”

there wasn’t much time to chat, AIM was onto you

you two unfortunately got split up for a minute, but you were practically raised by the notorious clint barton and natasha romanoff, and various other spies

yes, you planted a tracker on her

and met her at the bus stop!

“you found me?”

“that i did, kamala. see, i do remember you”

“that is so cool! i mean—not almost getting killed, or the guy with the big head...”

“what guy? you need to tell me everything”

the whole busride was a bit overwhelming. kamala explained the resistance clues, her powers, her undying admiration for the avengers, you name it

but it made you feel good to know that there were people out there that didn’t hate you

“so what was it like? being the teenage avenger?”

“uh, it was...it was really cool. i felt like i was one-of-a-kind. but sometimes people didn’t take me seriously, it was kind of aggravating”

“yeah, no one takes me seriously either...”

“you know, depending on how this all goes, i might be able to give you a few pointers”

“really?! that’d be great!”

once you got to utah...you saw the chimera

it brought back some bad memories, kamala could tell

“you okay?”

“me? yeah, im good. just thinking...okay, well, do you have a plan on how to get yourself across all of this?”

“actually, i do!”

it was kind of creepy in there, but when you laid your eyes on caps shield, you kind of broke

“do you hear something, what it that?”

“...hulk. kamala, you need to get out of here, i’ll catch up to you, i swear”

she didn’t leave in time, so she got to see the greener side of bruce. you chased him back and tried to get bruce back

meanwhile, kamala found AIM troops...oops

bruce cooled off and man was he doing rough

“y/n, is that really you?”

“yeah, its me. surprise. how long have you been the big guy?”

“too long...a few years”

“jesus, im sorry. i’ll be right back, though. some kid brought me here, i gotta go get her. you kinda scared her off”

she was passed out when you got to her

but bruce is a doctor, he’d figure it out

“i could give her a little shock to wake her up, you know?”

“oh, i know. just let her rest for a minute. she needs it”

“right...well im gonna take a look around, maybe go see what i left behind. i could power the place up, but we’re missing some parts to actually get this thing running. best i can do is lights and doors”

you turned the little things on and turns out did leave a decent amount of stuff in here

your first pair of pistols that nat gave you, the gigantic stein that thor gifted you for your 13th birthday, gadgets tony needed an “extra boost” for *bzzt*, a note from cap that just said “good luck, y/n, you’re going to do great!” you cant even remember what it was he was referring to. you just missed him

kamala walked in while you were shuffling around and cleaning the place up

“hey, dr. banner wanted me to come get you. is this your room?”

“that it is, and it’s a huge mess. this is literally all my belongings ever”

bruce had his plan and you just went along, helping kamala out as you go

“baby steps, kam, don’t want you to pass out. but don’t worry, happens to the best of us” -you

“really? you pass out too?” -kamala

“oh yeah, for sure. tell her bruce, remember that time we had thor overcharge me to literally make me an EMP? and tony was busy listening to music so he wouldn’t get out of the blast radius and his armor shut down? so he was out of commission and i had just collapsed from it all? good times”

“y/n, we thought you died” -bruce

this hc is so long omg — anyways you guys ended up finding tony and it was sort of entertaining but he kinda punched bruce and then hugged you

“you got so big”

“shut up, tony”

you kinda harbored some bad feelings since none of the avengers did anything to help you once they started rounding up inhumans (but you still missed them)

getting attacked again

“okay, kamala, remember what i said about baby steps. dont overdo it. i trust you with this!”

“thank you, y/n! uh—oh my god!”

aaaanyways you went to the ant hill to see hank and pick up some supplies, boy was it great to see some familiar faces, then back the the chimera you went to fix it all up

“can you hold that right there for me, kamala? thanks. i think that just about does it. now i have a surprise for you...your own room!”

you helped kamala get it nice and tidy while talking about each other’s lives, she really did remind you of yourself when you became an avenger. excited, scared, underestimated, all of that. and she begged you to share some mission stories, so you obviously did

“you know, if you stick around for a while, you’re gonna have some cool stories, too. maybe even a kickass costume.”

“oh! a costume, ive got that sorta covered. check it out. a burkini, muslim women wear it for swimming and stuff. my mom got it for me”

“love it. soon we’ll find you a fitting name and update the suit, but seriously, this was the perfect way to go. you look great”

“you think so? i don’t know if i feel that cool. maybe i should try something else?”

“if that’s how you feel, you don’t have to stick to it. you can experiment all you want! but i really think you did awesome on this. come on, pose with me! and hey, i like your pins.”

at this point, you’d do anything for kamala, she reminded you so much of yourself. you would have killed for a mentor your age back in the day.

natasha was in fact tiny dancer...called it

“oh, god, y/n. you’re all grown up...im sorry we left you alone. but if it makes you feel better, i always kept an eye on you”

“well, i kind of took on a protégé...she’s like your grand-protégé. kam, c’mere”

after thor finally came back, everyone started fighting again and ditched, it felt so familiar. but you couldn’t leave kamala behind, you swore to yourself that you couldn’t do that.

she was so good for this team

MODOK was defeated (by kamala herself) but there was so much left to do, tons of threats to extinguish, training to accomplish

“y/n, tony won’t turn his dad rock off! he overrode the speakers in my room”

“oh, it’s on. get chastity’s fabric dye and bleach pens. we’re gonna start some trouble”

she gave you a high five one time and nearly broke your arm

sending each other tiny hand memes

“hey, ms. m, how’re your parents? doing okay without their favorite super-daughter?”

“my abu doesn’t stop texting me actually, says my family is super proud of me. it’s a nice change of pace”

you take her on covert missions for field training, it was Educational(tm)

*elevator music playing* “so...what do you want for dinner? i was thinking we could ask thor to barbecue”

sleepovers in her room that just turn into her showing you her superhero merch, listening to music, prank lists, sneaking off to the HARM room for hand-to-hand combat training and power experiments, thinking up new costume designs

“tip: you always need backup suits, you never know what you’re gonna run into out there. one time tony pushed me into a tower of paint cans and they spilled all over me. steve yelled at him for two hours afterwards. worst mission ever, except steve said ‘motherfucker’ and i have never recovered from the emotions of that day”

“wow, i wish i could have been there for that”

“don’t worry, kami, you’ll see some crazy ‘team bonding’ along the way”

she geeks out about captain marvel sometimes

“hey, i’ve got a book carol gave to me about ‘teens taking responsibility.’ you wanna read it?”

“is it any good?”

“i don’t know, i only read the first two pages”

you ended up having a true heart-to-heart with her after one mission when she made a mistake that nearly cost you guys the mission. you told her that not every mission is going to go perfect, each avenger had slipped up in the field, and she had just started, shes not going to be perfect

“i am literally always here if you need anything. i know what it feels like to be a teenager among legends, but trust me, you’ve made it this far and you’ve proven how much of a badass you are. i know you can take anything that gets thrown at you”

kamala said she makes vegan nachos and yeah she makes vegan nachos

you guys have to hide from the rest of the team when she makes them bc they eat ALL OF THEM

gaff (the SHEILD vendor) has you test his gear, you recommend gear to kamala

you were so excited to guide kamala on her journey of heroism

taglist: @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm //

#kamala khan #kamala khan x reader #kamala khan imagine #ms marvel #ms marvel x reader #ms marvel imagine #avengers #avengers x reader #avengers imagine #marvel #marvel x reader #marvel imagine #avengers game #avengers game x reader #avengers game imagine

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disney-rapunzel-merida-vanellope · 4 years

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Over the moon very messy review (spoilers)

I wasn’t really planning on watching it today but it was so praised on my pot early on that i just had too

And..... I’m confused...

It has some VERY good scenes, plot points, characters, songs, sceneries and some VERY bad scenes, plot points, characters, songs, lyrics and sceneries

I wanted to start by being positive but this whole thing got mixed up

So here’s my thoughts:

- loved chang’e (i gotta google this cause i thought it was chungha like.... chungha the idol). Love her design, love her voice, love her attitude. Best character, never boring. Tall as fuck goddess. She’s right there with eris from sinbad. Muah kisses the chef. Her hair, makeup, outfits, facial expressions. Idk if the voice actress is the same for speaking and singing but the singer from Hamilton is so so good, she made me not mind the godawful lyrics. I wanted more screen time for her cause she honestly saved the movie

- the protagonist girl fei fei is a bit of a positive and negative of the movie. She’s cute but very cliche. There’s 273648 characters like her. Her problems are very real and relatable but u cant just help sigh and think of her as a dramatic teenager u know? I do feel bad and see my teenage self in her cause i do understand but.... shes super dramatic still. I mean.... she went to the fucking moon to avoid her father getting married shes crazy. She went to all that trouble to learn how to make a rocket just to avoid him remarrying... i understand the frustration one might feel, it never happened to me but if it did id probably have very mixed and selfish feelings about it too, but her and the father really should have just talked. A simple conversation would have let her know that he’s lonely but never ever would forget the mother. And the father had time, he just didnt do it so the fault is not all on her. But i guess there would be no movie if they talked, would there?

- the motivations in this movie dont make sense or are just weak.... fei fei wants to build a rocket to the moon to avoid her father from remarrying? Dumb. She wants a pic as proof? Dumb. The brother wants the pic to help the sister? Ok... but he’s literally an 8 year old, they dont give a shit about none of that specially one that just met u. Chang’e wants the gift which is understandable but... why the potion?? Literally just to give the bunnies a love plot thats dumb af. Also, did she really took both immortal pills or whatever it was? It was implied multiple times that she was selfish but idk if she cleared that out

-i loved the Chinese town. Super cozy and friendly. Love how the river is so integral to it like in real life i assume. It’s just so different from the ocident i love it. Please more movies featured in Asia cause they have many gorgeous cultures. I love the sense of community and family, the little details and the food aspect of it. I love how Asian countries combine modern with old so much so that atsome point i didnt really know what year the movie was supposed to be set in.

- the “pre meeting step mother” part of the movie was the best along with chang’e’s scenes. I almost cried even tho the moment the mother fell i knew she was gonna die. I’m getting very emotional with these scenes as i get older even tho both my parents are still alive but i guess those scenes just make me think about when the worse will happen and i dont wanna think of it of course. But the mother was so great and kind. I really felt their bond and love between mother and daughter. And father but u know.

- the bunny was so fucking cute!!!! Until...... it gained super powers and decided to stay with the ugly green love interest?? Wtf... like wtf that was so unnecessary??? A love plot for the bunnies?? Why??? Whyyyyyyyyyyy

- the moon city wasn’t anything special... apart from shiny it was very bland. I wish they had kept more of Chinese culture in it but i did see something on chang’e’s room i think

- every single comic refiro in this movie was BEYOND THE MOON ANNOYING!!!!!!! I understand, even tho i dont aprove it, the existence of the annoying ass 8 year old brother.... BUT THE GREEN DOG TOO???? WHYWHYWHYWHY AND HE SINGS??? NO SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!! He had a cute design but everytime he was there and opened his mouth i just wanted to shoot him I’m not kidding i hate him! NOT TO MENTION that he basically did the relationship development between the siblings in the brothers place!!!! Why does the dog exist????? Fei fei should have bounded in the adventure with the brother!!!! Oh i hated that so much..... I’m so mad.... without the green dog the movie wouldn’t have these weak as hell points

- the ending where the lover fades was ok but just ok. I feel like it was either too rushed and he was disappearing before i even noticed and before he even said anything meaningful or it should have been like the one in onward. It just had little impact imo

- the songs have GREAT VOCALS, the singers are definitely the best part, catchy instrumentals, even tho I’m starting to agree that these movies rely too much on pop songs and not actually musical worthy songs, and the lyrics are bad, really bad.... corny too. So basically about the songs: great vocals, ok instrumentals, bad lyrics. But I’m sure ill rewatch chang’e’s songs cause i love her. Maybe the songs will grow on me with time who knows

- the humor is very modern and i just dont think it fits these kind of movies... the same happened with Moana. It just doesn’t fit the epic adventure with gods vibe i think? It’s also just bad. The comic reliefs were annoying, there’s really no other word, but even the humor from other characters or scenes didnt work

- there’s some very inventive animation here, i loved how they used 2d art even tho i wanted more of it. I love glen keane and how his art style translated. I feel like we can see a bit of him on his disney work but here it just really looked like his art u know? Really good

- i dont like the “the movie had a good message so its good” kind of thought cause many terrible movies have great messages and many great movies have repetitive messages. I thought the message in this movie was a bit repetitive but what made it different for me was that both characters were grieving the loss of different loves, motherly and romantic, and yet they were feeling the same and had to help each other and move on. I dread the day that comes for me. It was nice for fei fei to feel she wasn’t the only one with that pain even tho she just had to move on if she was.

Ok so i think thats it

I think this review i came out too negative but I’m just really torn. There’s some parts of this movie that I couldn’t get enough of and, unfortunately, other parts that were making me wanna turn it off.... i could have ignored the cliches but the 2 very annoying comic characters were too damn much

But i think the positives outweigh the negatives even so

I think I’ll give it a 6/10 or 6.5

Klaus is still my fave animated Netflix movie

#over the moon #Netflix #movie review #review #over the moon Netflix #glen keane

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dumbdancemomssideblog · 4 years

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S1E1: The Competition Begins

okie dokie first ever episode of dance moms rewatch starts now :0 i actually remember watching this the very first time it aired on lifetime because i was channel surfing and saw a commercial for it earlier that day. that was the summer between 8th and 9th grade. ah memories... i didnt know what to expect because i did dance when i was a kid but not on a competition team and it was mostly ballet so i was pretty unfamiliar with this whole world.

anyway lets begin. this is probably gonna be a longer post than what i’ll end up writing for the other episodes in season 1 bc the first episode introduces so much info, just a heads up

Act 1: (aside: yes its insufferable to divide this into “acts” when its really just like “segments separated by commercial breaks” but thats how they’re called in actual tv scripts so im just going with that cuz i cant think of a better/easier way uwu)

god this is so fucking early 2010s lmao

i miss these days where they were just talented nobodies from pittsburgh on a low budget reality tv show that nobody even knew would be successful. and the bad hair and makeup but idk if that was also just a 2011 thing lol

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES GREEN SCREEN INTROS IM DYING

the chalkboard !!!! they werent doing the pyramid on the mirror yet

(apparently abby never did anything similar to the pyramid thing but the producers made her and it became a whole Thing on the show and thats why the moms were like wtf is this bullshit the first week)

mackenzie looks like a toddler. chloe is so tiny. theyre the 2 who changed the most physically over the course of the show

i remember watching this for the first time being used to ballet lyrical and jazz but never having done or really seen acro/gymnastics in dance choreo and being SO flabbergasted. i was thinking “a chin stand is not dancing what the actual hell” and yknow what? i was right

melissa: “my boyfriend knows how much i spend on dance because he signs the checks...............hermehhemrherrmehermh” (the most awkward laugh omg)

maddie is wearing a fucking bumpit in her hair i cannot

melissa deadass just said out loud “im here for my daughter im not here to make friends” ok everybody mark that one off on your catty women’s reality tv show bingo card!

camera man accidentally getting in the shot filming right in front of the huge wall-mirror.... what is this, amateur hour? i’ll let it slide since its the first day of filming rehearsal but step it up, boys

aw i forgot about maddie getting sick and crying :/ poor kid

melissa saying “i cant stand a chid that’s sick” sounds so edited like the intonation made it seem to me like they just cut her off mid-sentence i love lifetime

oh this was still when they were wearing normal stuff to class/rehearsal like black leotards bc they werent getting sent a trillion crazy 2-piece dancewear outfits for free yet bc they werent famous, man those were the days

Act 2:

[obligatory b-roll footage of downtown pittsburgh]

the maddie chloe paige trio !!!! this is making me feel so nostalgic

“knees together, paige. you’re bow-legged, you need to fix that”

“you’re tall, you’re skinny, you’re a beautiful girl, you can do better than this. FOCUS” shes like 10 abby what the hell

“people think im tough and i guess i am but i would rather be the one to make your kid cry in the privacy of my studio than at an open-call audition in front of hundreds of people”

okay unpopular opinion alert: i agree with a lot of what abby says about stuff like this but her delivery is flawed, to but it euphemistically, that being said i think the production team of the show and the fame inflating her ego changed all of this somewhere over the course of the second season and its really sad to see :/ i can expand on that thought later tho

aw paige crying bc abby correcting her (but not saying anything personal or out of line, just technique corrections (at based on what we were shown, we dont know everything she said oop)) shes a sensitive kid she never should have been put on this show :(

paige looks exactly like her mom i didnt realize that before

nia and holly were done so dirty throughout the whole series in terms of the narrative the producers set up about nia being the weakest link :/

Act 3:

cathy’s entire involvement in the show from the very beginning was so painfully obviously scripted (or at least heavily staged)

vivi was also done dirty by the show’s narrative and she was only 6 and they presented her as like the butt of the joke bc her mom’s “character” was crazy and also she wasnt good at dance. i wonder how she feels about the show now that shes a teenager hmm. she really seemed not to give a fuck about dance for better or for worse when she was a kid tho so maybe she doesnt care ?

in what universe would an owner of another competitive dance studio bring her own kid to another studio more than an hour’s drive away, AND be under the impression that she could compete with them in a week, especially when they showed the kids’ and moms’ shocked reaction at the start of the episode to having to learn a dance in a week and compete it? like really what is the point of cathy and vivi being a part of this show im so ????

Act 4:

THE MINISTER DAWN OUTBURST HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT THIS

this fight is about 50% of what got them a full season 1 and then things took off from there tbh. the other 50% was the electricity dance but thats a point for next episode..... :)

“you’re a minister act like one” “YOU’RE RIGHT I AM A MINISTER! LET’S PLAY THE BIBLE GAME ABBY, WHEN JESUS SAW THINGS THAT WERE WRONG HE WENT AFTER THEM, AND YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DO THIS TO MY KID” ma’am i think the wrongs jesus addressed were of slightly more importance than a preteen being told she cant take a dance class if shes violating the studio’s dress code

this is so good bc it wasnt staged afaik and there are regular students all throughout the building just STARING at them like lmao what even is going on, so im pretty sure this is real???

regardless, yeah dont wear socks and a tshirt to an acrobatics class, thats common fucking sense

another cameraman-in-mirror sighting, but its hard to think about angles when filming spontaneous drama like this, so i wont count it against them

“you called me fat” (i remember that being in the episode but thats not on the episode available through lifetime on demand that im watching from my moms tv hmmmmmm) “i told you to close and tuck in your two-piece costume, theres a big difference. HOW CAN YOU REMEMBER THAT BUT YOU CAN’T REMEMBER TO TURN YOUR FEET OUT” uh scream

she really called the police on this woman i cannot handle this. can you imagine being a police officer responding to this call?

“we have a parent thats out of control. pardon? no shes doesnt have weapons, just her mouth” iconic

im sorry im still not over the hair and makeup. the flat hair with the side bangs. the black pencil eyeliner applied all the way around the eye. why did any of us think this was a look :( why did we do this :(

Act 5:

they went all the way to phoenix to compete 3 numbers, only 2 of which are shown in the episode.

i think this is the only time they ever went to west coast dance explosion because its an actual competition and they wouldnt allow filming after this lol i think they did go to wcde one weekend in addition to a competition where they were filming but it wasnt shown or mentioned at all

abby not wanting brooke and paige to have a french manicure on stage if theyre the only ones in the group with the french tips is perfectly valid idk why it was framed as some crazy micromanaging shit

i also am really not a fan of the whole “high functioning alcoholic wine mom/crazy stage mom” schtick they were pushing for the first few episodes of this show

in retrospect i feel like so many of the quips in this episode were intentionally fucking crazy just to get the audience engaged enough to want to watch more episodes...

“see those girls down there, those girls with the legs? thats who you’re up against, so step it up”

abby warning them that its dangerous for their little party hats to slip when they’re doing aerials and pirouettes and stuff: “what if you were at radio city music hall and they had the ice rink out and you were doing a side aerial and fell 13 stories down and died, huh?” fantastic point abby thank you for saying that to 5 girls ages 8-12 less than 5 minutes before they went on stage. perfect time for a teaching moment like that :)

i forgot how bad the camera work was in the first few episodes for footage of their performances. like they really didnt think the show’s audience would actually want to watch the kids dance, the producers and editors thought we just wanted to see stage mothers yelling at each other lol

also the mic feed over the music of abby talking to herself giving them corrections while watching them dance on stage.... im so glad they quit doing that. i dont remember them doing it like that for any other episode, i hope im right

this choreo is very basic and its a cute dance i guess but its very cringe in some places and for the first episode this is such a forgettable group routine

their scandalized reaction to placing third and the sad piano music is so funny honestly

and maddies reaction in the interview which was almost definitely fed to her by the producers where shes like “i win all the time i dont really know what its like to LOSE i always win or get runner up” so many of maddies lines from season 1 interviews sound so fake and she was probably too naive to know they were getting her to say that stuff so they could paint her as a conceited brat (she was EIGHT)

the trio costume was so ugly im sorry (is it supposed to be like a 50s pinup bathing suit?) (and the headband thing looks so bad) and also the music is bad but they had no real authority over that bc of copyright stuff

chloe’s headpiece coming forward and the ensuing drama was another moment in the episode that really solidified public interest in the show imho....

“YOU’RE IN THE BAR HAVING A DRINK AND YOUR KID’S HEADPIECE IS FALLING OFF” “it did not FALL OFF it CAME FORWARD it was FINE!!!”

“mistakes happen, we’re human.” “YOU are. mistakes like that dont happen to me”

and then the “next time on dance moms” with the WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE electricity dance, of course. genuinely that was really smart of the producers in terms of structuring things to generate intrigue lol. and obviously it ended up working....

#dance moms #s1e1 #season 1

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itsme690 · 5 years

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Perfect

Its finally here! @ramimalekspice and I have been working so hard to well...Give the people what they want!

Warnings: SMUT

"Are you almost ready to go?" I asked Rami. We were just about ready to go to my cousins wedding. I was dressed in a floral pink lace embroidered sling dress with pink heels. I was waiting for Rami to come out so we could get going. I stood up and straightened my dress when I heard the bathroom door open. His eyes widened the moment he came around the corner.

"Wow." He looked me up and down. "Spin around." I spun around on my heels, letting him see all of me. He was dressed in his black suit and the shade of his pink tie matched my dress perfectly.

"I hope thats a good 'wow'." I was always self-conscious, but he always knew how to make me feel good about myself. He took my hands in his and pulled me in for a quick kiss. "You look very handsome!"

"You look stunning babe!" I smiled again at his compliment and grabbed my purse. "So good I think we should just skip the wedding entirely so I can get you out of that dress already." He winked, his hands wandered up the front of my dress.

"Rami!" I giggled when his mouth nuzzled my neck. "You know we can't bail." He bit the patch of skin right behind my earlobe causing me to gasp. "Uh Rami! Later!" His deep grunt shook my bones.

"Okayyyy..I'll meet you downstairs, I just need to make a quick phone call." I raised an eyebrow, questioning him. "Don't worry love, it's a surprise for you and your cousin." He reassured me that it was alright, just a little wedding gift he wanted to give.

The ceremony was outdoors with a view of a wide lake and large mountains off in the distance. The sky was a mix of pink and orange as the sun set beautifully behind the peaks. The center aisle had lit lanterns leading down to where my cousin and her finace stood and spoke their vows.

"Someday I like to think that'll be us up there.." Rami leaned in and whispered to me. It was the first time he's ever said anything like that before so it kind of took me by surprise. I turned my head to see him looking at me with love filled eyes. He placed his hand on top of mine, rubbing soft circles into my skin. Everyone 'awwed' and 'ooohed' during their first kiss as a married couple.

It was nearing the end of the cocktail hour, everyone had gathered outside to watch the beautiful sunset across the lake. I sat on the short grass, next to Rami, as he wrapped his blazer round me and pulled me in tight to his chest. He kissed my forehead gently and trickled his fingers up and down my arm, I moved my arm that was leant uncomfortably behind him so that I could lean on his lap. As I did so, my elbow hit against his crotch hard, he quickly let go and grabbed his manhood.

"Fuckkkkk, fuckkkk, oh myyy Godddd, babyy!" He screeched, trying his best not to draw attention to his pain whilst surrounded by my family. I naturally placed my hands on his and gasped.

"I am so sorry! Rami! I didn't mean to!" I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him close to me as I kissed his head. He started to giggle through the pain and released his grip on his penis, he wrapped me back in a hug. I was so busy concentrating on making sure he was okay that I completely forgot my hand was still placed on his now growing arousal. He started to laugh more into my shoulder as he lightly bit down, "what's wrong with you? You crazy man!" I burst out laughing too.

"Look down" he whispered in my ear. I looked down at my hand and saw his semi. I gasped and quickly lifted my hand to my mouth to cover my reaction but he quickly grabbed my wrist and put my hand back where he wanted it.

"Rami! You're like a horny teenager! You need to snap out of it, we are in the middle of a bloody field, surrounded by my family!" I protested, starting to sound more serious. He looked me in the eyes, a 'have pity on me, you did just elbow me in the dick' kind of look. I started to laugh again.

He leant back over to my ear, "you do owe me now though." His slow, sensual, deep voice made an instant heat wave grow from my face to my core, I shivered at the sexual tension I was suddenly feeling. I quickly looked around, luckily everyone was occupied with the sunset.

We were now ushered into the reception dining room. Warm purple tones lit the white walls while large chandeliers dangled from the high ceilings. Round tables with white cloths scattered across the room, circling around a big platformed dance floor. The DJ played soft romantic tunes as the guests found their seats. Once everyone was settled, the DJ announced the wedding party. They all danced their way in to "Get the Party Started", clearly all very intoxicated. My cousin and her husband made their way through the crowded room and found their sweetheart table on the edge of the dance floor. We finished up our dinners when Rami received another phone call.

"I've got to take this, I'll be right back." He got up and took his call to the hallway. I used this time to go talk to my cousin about where shes going on her honeymoon. We were interrupted when the DJ called for the bride and groom to make their way to the center of the room to share their first dance as Mr and Mrs. Just then Rami reappeared behind me.

"Everything okay?" I asked. He nodded and pointed to the DJ booth. Thats when I saw Ed Sheeran taking a microphone from him. "YOU DIDN'T!" I elbowed him. He was smiling from ear to ear. "The phone call from earlier..?" He nodded. "The phone call just now...?" He nodded again.

"I heard that we have a very special couple here tonight, I was invited to come and sing for their first dance." Eds voice echoed through the room. My cousin looked at Rami and me on the verge of crying. Her husband took her in his arms and began to sway to Eds voice. "I found a love for me, darling just dive right in, and follow my lead." he sang. Rami snaked his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder, humming along as we watched their first dance. They walked over to us and thanked Rami profusely for the kind gesture. A moment later Ed spoke again, inviting all the couples to the dance floor. "When your legs don't work like they used to before And I can't sweep you off of your feet.." Rami took my hand in his and wrapped his arm around my waist. I rested my arm around his neck and he pulled me in close to his body.

"You didn't have to do this.." I let my head fall against his chest.

"I know I didn't. Your cousin is like a sister to you. She deserves the ultimate wedding gift." He held me tighter. "Besides,I'd really like to consider her a cousin-in-law." I picked my head up and looked at him. "Y/n, I really love you so much..." There was an unfamiliar twinkle in his eye.

"Don't you dare, this make-up isn't waterproof! And you know just how long it took me--" Rami pressed his index finger on my lips.

"Shhhh." He wiped away a single tear that fell from my eyes. "I don't want to live my life like this anymore." He stopped our sway and bent down on one knee, taking my hands in his. "Y/n, I love you to the moon and back. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I've known since the day we first met. Will you do the honor of being my wife?" I looked at him, tears filling his eyes. I cupped my hands over my mouth and nodded quickly. "Lemme hear you."

"Yes! Yes!" I cried! He opened the little black velvet box and slid a shiny white gold diamond ring on my left ring finger. It shown in the spotlights from above. He picked me up and spun me around! Everyone around applauded us, in the moment I forgot we weren't alone. The remaining of reception was a ball! We danced to the typical family friendly dance songs, did the cha-cha and I even caught the flower bouqet! Rami caught the garter, so of course you know what that means! I was placed in a chair in center of the dance floor. The other guests circled me as the music began. Rami emerged from the crowd, dancing seductively over to me. I couldn't help but giggle at him being ridiculous. He walked around me, running his fingertips up my arms.

"Been waitin' for this moment all night, babe." He breathed in my ear, sending shilvers up and down my spine.

"Keep it PG, there are children!" I rolled my eyes. He ended back in front of me and dropped to his knees. He grabbed my right ankle and slowly raised the white and blue ribboned garter up my leg and under my dress. Not breaking his eye contact. I felt that familiar heat rise between my legs again. "Rami." I said. "Rami!" Finally he removed his hands and stood up. I stood from my chair and hugged him tight as everyone around us laughed. "Lets take this elsewhere.." he whispered.

Rami grabbed my hand with a fairly firm grip, I knew he was desperate. I felt my whole body heat up as I anticipated what I was in for. Rami looked back at me as we started to run up the stairs, we laughed together until I noticed a man standing on the first landing in front of Rami, it all happened in slow motion as he turned his head and ran directly into my dad. They both tumbled over but I managed to stop myself before I fell with them. Rami instantly panicked and grabbed my dads hand to help him up, and I fell to the floor laughing. I was laughing so much that I couldn't breathe. My vision was blurred from my tear filled eyes.

"Daddy! Are you okay daddy?" I asked, somewhat concerned. Both men in front of me responded with simple a simple 'yes.' My dad placed his hand on Rami's shoulder as he looked at him in horror.

"Y/d/n, I am so sorry! I wasn't looking, it was a total accident!" Rami pleaded.

"Rami!" My dad cut him off, looking and winking at me. "I'm afraid I can't let you see my daughter anymore" he sighed and looked down at Rami's feet. Rami looked traumatized.

"What? But!" He shouted. My dad and I burst out laughing again, Rami just looked at us like a lost puppy. My dad patted him on the back as he walked passed him

"You're a funny guy, Rami. Don't take life so seriously lad!" My dad chuckled as he continued his walk down the stairs. I walked over to Rami, wiping tears from my face, I've never seen him look so confused. I wrapped him in a tight hug, he slowly wrapped his arms round my waist.

"What just happened." He whispered in my ear, still in shock.

"You just shit your pants, that's what happened." I whispered back with a smirk, trying not to laugh again.

"Well come on you two love birds, the party hasn't finished yet." My dad called. Rami pulled back and rolled his eyes at me.

"For real? I can't wait much longer y/n." He cried in a dark tone as he looked down at his growing erection. I followed his eye line and burst out laughing for a third time, I felt that if I laughed anymore, I would pass out, my make up must have looked horrific by now.

"Well, are you coming?" My dad shouted again.

"Just a minute dad!" I shouted back, "we'll be down shortly! I just need to check my makeup!" Rami grabbed my hand as we continued our journey up the stairs. Our room was another three floors up so Rami pulled me into the nearest bathroom. He pushed me up against the door and locked it in the process. I've never seen him this needy before, it was so hot to see him like this. His lips were trailing down my neck, nipping and and sucking at my sweet spot behind my ear. I let out a moan to which he growled at in response.

"On your knees.." he whispered in my ear. I felt that familiar heat wave rush from my face to my core once again as I dropped to the floor. He looked down at me and stroked my hair as he bit his lip. "We don't have long and it's not going to suck itself." He said as he looked down at his clothed erection, fighting for release. I started to undo his belt but he pushed my hand away.

"Hey! What are you doing?" I shouted up to him. He unzipped his pants and pulled out his dick from his boxers. "We don't have time to mess around, I need this, like... now" he demanded as he wrapped his fingers behind my head and pulled my face closer. "Open wide" he smirked as I opened my mouth. He thrusted forward slowly, pushing in as far as he could, until I was choking. He held it there for a moment and moaned as he felt my throat close around his cock. "Taking daddy's cock like a good girl" He moaned as he eyes rolled back. He pulled back out completely. "Lick my balls baby, I want it all tonight". I reached my tongue out and licked them with the tip, knowing this would piss him off. "Not like that!" He growled as he pulled my face closer again. I loved it when he was rough, his pleasure was my pleasure. I wrapped my lips around his balls and sucked them gently. He sighed so loud as he threw his head back and took his cock in his hand to pump it slowly. "That feels so good baby girl" he groaned. I swirled my tongue between them then around them as I continued to suck. He pulled my hair back and looked down at me "Fuckkkk, I'm going to cum." He said breathlessly as he shoved his cock back in my mouth. He wrapped his hands back around my head and thrusted faster into my mouth, making me choke again which only turned us both on further. "Fuckkkkk meeee y/n" he let out as he released! I felt his seed go down my throat as he pulled out. I swallowed contently then sat back against the wall as he let go of my head. Breathless and unbelievably turned on, I looked up at him as he put his dick back in his pants and zipped up. I wiped my mouth with one hand as Rami grabbed the other to pull me up. He wrapped me in a tight hug "That was so fucking hot baby, I hope I didn't hurt you, I might have got a bit carried away there" he whispered in concern. I laughed and shook my head.

"Oh no, don't apologize, that's the hottest we've been in a while, but..." I pulled back and looked him in the eyes. "Don't call yourself daddy after literally talking to my dad minutes before, it ruins this whole thing." We both burst out laughing as he pulled me back into a hug.

"You're in for a wild night baby, I owe you now" he growled. As he slapped my ass. I was soaked by this moment. He turned round and unlocked the door. I grabbed his hand, pulling him back in.

"Where are you going! I NEED you now..." I cried. Rami smirked and walked back over to me, he slowly stroked his hand from my stomach, down to my core as he pushed my panties to the side and slid his fingers in me. I sighed at the slight relief and gripped his shoulder tightly.

"Geez, you really do need me!" He smirked with pride as he pulled his fingers out and seductively put them in his mouth. "You taste so sweet. Let's go back down stairs, finish the dinner..." He slowly leaned in closer to my ear.."then I'll have you for desert.."

#rami malek #rami #ramimalek #rami malek fanfiction #rami malek fanfic #rami malek fan fiction #rami malek x reader #rami malek fluff #rami malek smut #smut #fluff #bubba rami #bubbarami #malekian #imagine #collabs

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myheartbeatskids · 5 years

Text

So Declan loved me and we talked about science and lab babies and clones and all that. So He told me he loved me because i was the first person to really really listen and understand as opposed to being the one to teach.

And so he had understood what he was taught then developed and built upon it correctly with help from his own brain and God. And del Muerte whom helped me understand as well cause that shit was mind blowing.

So he asked me to have his soul mate. To give birth to her.

And I was pretty much dragged out and Declan ran the show after that.

I agreed but it was more like a thing where i had to focus and talk instead of fainting.

So Matt actually helped to implant because I have an upturned uterious and so things like that are painful because of the rigidity and non flexible as i need materials used while Jeremiah comforted and helped me relax.

So then essentially i was kidnapped.

Declan is part clone and part Neanderthal.

Annabelle is part clone and part Neanderthal.

So some of us from Michael Jackson's boarding school --- although I wasn't i stayed there alot on my own. So i was part of it, unofficially as i am a civilian doing military shit now. --- have clones in a laboratory. But they are miniature human size as they are kept in barbie size containers.

Since Declan was a clone Jesse gave permission to make, they said i should use a clone.

It took 5 eggs until Declan approved the child that would be created in the embryo. Del Muerte communicated to us what God said.

Most males get their soul mates at age 7. Declan was only 2 years old. So God hadnt had enough experience to program or create his perfect soulmate.

So it just so happened it was 2 years of plus 5 embryos which makes the year 7 while added together.

So when Annabelle was born Declan came to get me and her but my now ex-husband got me all fucked up and i had amnesia and all that and i remember the power struggle type issues while signing the birth certificate which is why i get child support as my ex swore bla bla bla and signed papers to those statements but I was all "Dude while he's signing let's run!" Because he pissed me off during that time and i was all no hes wrong and all... But I guess I was scared of him or his aura csused me confusion or Idk. I remember feeling sick.

So craziness. We are 16 years late. And unfortunately yet fortunately a lot of research was done and i have a lot of government apology money coming my way. Which i don't have yet.... But soon.

This is Cambria AvaLynn named after Alexis Dejoria.

Because Matt's parents were into hiding, they named him after a mat. A common object so in case of ESP feom the people they hid from they would think "welcome mat" like welcome to travel with us son named Matt. Welcome to eat at the dining table, Matt. Well, come, Matt.

So came or come because i would always want to see Matt so I would say "You came!!!" When i saw him and hug him and he would say "welcome"

And Bria after me.

Turning the x into a v (for Victory) and Lynn as in the 80s most of my friends on the military base i lived on has Lynn as their middle names. So to remind me she is a friend.

She's my child that was ectopic due to the sponges Jamie & Doug Otis found and reminded us of. But we went to the hospital because i began to hemmoragge and they were able to save her and her twin.

Then my mom killed her and he died naturally as he was in ICU TO experiment on them being raised/healed as premies temporarily as one within an incubator and the other skin to skin contact. As woman need to be comforted more, we picked Ava to bring home.

They were the first experiment with soul mates being born as twins. Both clones of my and Jeremiah and his being Ava and my being the male Andrew.

Andrew after Jesse... "And he drew" cause he was always drawing beautifully.

And the other clones were of Jesse James and Alexis.

Alexis got kidnapped by her dad and so the story goes... I did too Eventually

Jeremiah's dad helped us as the grandparent in house.

This is Declan.

He told Jeremiah "I'm not the one sitting around waiting with a pouted lip waiting for someone to do it for me. Now i found the woman and go get my kid!!"

Dude WTF I'm not having someones kid... I'm only 21!!

"Now im the man around the house and what I say goes!!! And you are going to have my kid!!"

Dude whatever. So i did dream into the lab with them but... I thought we were just playing and so i agreed and so next thing i knew there was a frozen child ready to be implanted. Thus my ability to be kidnapped so easily...

Cause when a kid is all telling you about clones and labs and shit... And you're hearing voices... that shit is insane. Literally.

So i didn't take it seriously enough.

But Declan is only 19 Now. And my kid is 16.

So it's old enough to have a romantic relationship. To avoid issues i had as a child with social services.

The plan was to have them grow up as friends but also believed it may been too dangerous....

Yet I still don't agree that it was.

However for the last 10 year's I have been working daily for my amnesia to be solved and also saving the world (of NHRA especially) at the same time.

And have earned multiple Nobel Peace Prizes which i have yet to receive.

So working on law enforcement and the military and government, about to break into the public school system and tear that up ;) as a civilian has earned me billions of dollars i have yet to receive....

But i have given away as i can and have bought businesses that I want.

As proof that the government does care about all its people's hopes and dreams they have bought them on my behalf and am gsining bank! And i shop st my own businesses too... Ironically! I been shopping at Loves for nearly a year... went into Speedway a few times now i drive an extra 5 miles just to shop there because i like it more!!

Robert, the shift manager finally told me tonight as I bought all the GIANTS for my Giant 6'7" man. And i turned the ones in Valencia County to Speedway in honor of Aaron and Paul (twins) who wanted to show the dangers of meth and the meth community as they honored me with my idea of how to end Breaking Bad with the movie reel of El Camino (the mother road) of the manner of the psychological reality of life gone wrong.

I freak Robert out... He was worried when he saw me there that I was to audit like a monster, fire everyone and work the cash register and store myself.

So tonight he saw I bought milkshakes (not available at Love's) figured it out and gave me a pack of smokes for free and blurted out why.

So i took all the giants as i always do and fucked them all up and made them better.

So i own them till i make my money back on the businesses and then they get given to who I intended it for... As I do double check they will always be worthy... If not i keep them for me because I was being good snd honest and fair the whole time.

So 360° K i own.

So i only compete with Love's whom I always promised the King's Highway to... You know him... As an old time Western Thug bitch ass womanizer player. Motorcycle Guru. Hot Rod extraordinaire. Texas loving son of a gun. Jesse James Smith! Just kidding... Just regular old ole fogie mad scientist Jesse Gregory Smith. Of West Coast Choppers. Which i own and always have as i put up the money for his business intending to always be in his life and helping him. So my apology... The only one i can ever give as i can't predict the future without help is Love. And he loves everyone and won't let Google tell.

I bought every gas station in the country as we will be switching to electric and hydro electric and non fuel and solar and hybrid autos by 2030. So the previous owners have a nice retirement and no stress. As the storage oil facilities that were shot in Saudia Arabia were actually empty. I own them.

Fossil fuels are actually the blood of dinosaurs and other dead bodies that are converted and broken down and dehydrated by plant life...

I found that out by the eternal bushes burning.. I mean growing... here on the mountain. Tumble weeds otherwise known as thyme. And we found via satellite tons of skeletons by Earth xrays under the bushes and some not as they are closer to the Earth surface. I found a wooly mammoth knuckle bone.

We moved here in 2002 and there was a patch of earth that looked like concrete by the mail boxes and we just drove over them assuming that's what it was.

They were mummified wooly mammoths. Now broken up and scattered all over the desert road.

I would not like my blood which could potentially bring me back to life wasted on a car... For someone to get to a job they hate. So no more. Not from the USA anyways.

One night I was at dinner and i said Obama needs to handle thwt South Dakota pipeline. My dad was all what is he supposed to do? All simple solutions were crap and had an argument. I said "then lie! Tell the American people they are scum! Tell them we opened the pipeline up and the pipes broke and destroyed the precious land that needs to be protected." My dad laughed and i felt kinda stupid for being so angry.

But Uncle Donald heard my point and so thats exactly what he did. Fake news? Its real.

Because he saw the change I made in the NHRA with some lies that laid very close to the truth.

You don't need to believe in reincarnation for it to happen. I didn't until about 6 months ago. But my mom's mom and my great aunt my grandma's sister ... Granny Bessie Heltons 2 daughters did. My grandma explained it to me one night when I was 18 as i had asked my Great Aunt Nita i was closer to but she didn't explain she just said "because i do" And the dictionary explaination i already knew. But my grandma traveled with me like y'all know i do And showed me.

We started in Heaven with only having one human life and having the soul figure of a human that we select. Hers was a teenage body, absolutely beautiful. With her old ass mind and experience. I told her what I wanted was to be a child. A dirty raggedy haired barefoot blonde without a care in the world, feeling smarter than I feel now... Because that is when i was happiest. When i saw i could end pain and suffering with death, when i knew life could escape heart ache, even when evil exist.

And so now on her second cat life with me, as her first caused her kidnapping by the same drug induced psycho piece of shit that arrested and molested Jesse James dog, Coco and her untimely death as I did record in Tumblr. "Sister Kitty" was kidnapped by him, hes in a special jail. He just had his pinkie finger nail and big toe nail removed as he did kidnap Mogar and slice his face and slice Kizzys leg. So in order to understand what he did he agreed to similar punishment as he did to our precious cargo...

Cargo my bitches!

Jesse: No! I only ask!

Me: who do i have to convince?

Jesse: Idk Jeremiah?

Me: Ava who is your dad?

Ava: Idk I guess not Jeremiah?? IDK!! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL!? you all always told me they are both my dad's. Let me ask God. Oh! Jesse! ..... And Jeremiah

Me: your dad is your dad and dad he will always be no matter shine or high water, love will always be there for you and for me. Alexis, do you know that one?

She nods all teary..

Jesse: well did i get loves?!

Me: uhh yes ass hole! We always love you back. What do you want with a gas station with no gas? That's like having a family with out us, most especially me!

Jesse: well it got gas now!!!

Me: well gas up at your local, bring a truck. I got a lot of stuff.

Declan: you hear her? Most especially me! Me! Well, me too, you better pick me up.

Me: Jesse... You ready for Orlando?? I got a Chase bank account with the Princess Castle on the debit card... Just needs a little cash in the account.

Jesse: You Mean You Will Pay!!!

Me: i see that was not a question so that does not deserve a response. But yes. I am suppose to have a wire transfer per last night's discussions that will pay for it.

Jesse: WHOA SHIT!

Me: Jeremiah you down?

Jeremiah: to pay Miss Giant Owner?

Me: uhh I'm Miss Speedyway now. No.. Carry me through times square after some Disney World Fun!

Jeremiah: FUCK YES!! uhh yes thank you for inviting me. I will go

Matt Hagan: look look at this. Im the best friend i even got her kid named after me

Me: Matt Hagan... Looks like you're invited, The Best Friend. In or out of Disney World for the hotel.

Matt: IN!!

Me: youre definitely going you know how to do it right! Pops... You gonna stay home alone with your woman?

Pops: not if i don't have to

M3: you don't

Pops: shit! Oh yeah!

Chuck: what about Cookie!!

Me: you and bring Your comrades I need to talk to

Chuckie: oh Cookies going!

Me: I didn't know he could do the Conga.

Jesse: yes you did!

Me: no wonder it looked familiar.

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toxikbubblegum · 5 years

Text

May Reading Wrap Up

I'm actually really proud of myself. I finished 13 books last month. Spent a lot of extra time away from screens and focusing on my mental health so I burned through way more than I normally would. So anyways, here's my reviews. - Also please understand that these are just my opinions and if I shit on your favorite book I'm sorry that I didn't enjoy it as much as you. Also, also Im terrible with character names.

Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor ⭐⭐⭐

I actually started this book at the end of April but didn't finish it til May 1st so whatever, here it is. This books is a YA urban fantasy novel about a girl with a double life. She spends half her days studying art in Europe and the other half running errands for a tooth collecting wish monger. I don't want to say a whole lot more because I dont want to spoil anything important about the plot. So, I'll try to be vague. Let me start by saying this story is amazing. I loved the writing and the world. I rated it so low solely because I can't stand the two main characters and it really dragged down what would have otherwise been an amazing novel. So yeah, great book but its a preference thing. Also took points off for the insta-love but not really insta-love shit. Idk. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this read even a month later. Gonna read the second to see if maybe my hatred of the two mains was just a fluke.

3/5 Stars

Spellbound by Rachel Hawkins

⭐⭐⭐

This is the third book in the Hex Hall trilogy. Not much to say about it. It was a meh ending to an overall pretty good series. 3/5 stars. Moving on.

The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw

⭐⭐⭐

Realizing now how many of my reads this month were pretty middle of the world. Hopefully next month will be filled with 4 and 5 stars. Anyways, this book was honestly a struggle for me to finish and Im not sure why. It's a YA mystery magical realism story about a tiny coastal town that is cursed by the spirits of 3 sisters who were suspected of witchcraft and drowned 2 centuries prior. Because of this, every year the sisters return from the sea to take the lives of teenage boys by luring them to the sea. We follow the life of kind of meh and standard YA girl #1. She meets a strange non tourist boy and hires him to work in the lighthouse her family owns. Her dad randomly disappeared years ago and her mom is a loon. So yeah... I dont know. I kind of felt like this story was hot garbage in places. I usually dont have any trouble with the suspense of disbelief in magical realism stories but this one just had too many plot holes. Like, I get morbid stuff becomes tourist attractions but why wouldn't someone have stepped in and evacuated the town if at least 3 teenage boys die there EVERY SINGLE YEAR without fail? I honestly feel like the FBI or some other government agency would have cleared the place out after the first 20 or so deaths. There was also the whole MC can see the ghosts of the girls possessing people but chooses not to tell anyone? Like, I get it. You dont want people to label you a freak or think you're crazy but come the fuck on. You live in a tourist trap where people flock to watch local teenage males wash up on shore and you really think the authorities arent going to take you up on the help? It wasn't an awful book by any means. It was well written and extremely descriptive. Just had major beef with some of the details. Anyways, I wont say much more so I don't spoil the whole book.

3/5 Stars

An Enchantment of Ravens by Maragret Rogerson

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Finally, I get to talk about one of my favorite reads of the month. I love anything to do with the Fae in my YAfiction and this was literally everything I wanted in a Fae novel. It takes place in a town called Whimsy, a humanish town in the world of Faerie. The fae cannot do any Craft, or what we would consider craftsmanship. Art and humans who can do it well are very precious in this world because the Fae can't ever do it themselves. We follow the adventures of a girl who has been commisioned to paint the portrait of the Autumn King and the chaos that ensues. Let me just start by saying this is one of those insta-love situations where I feel like it's genuinely ok. I might be making excuses because I loved the title so much but whatever. It's explained and I accept it. Also, I realize that Gadfly had a lovely description but my brain willl not let me picture him as anything but Mr.Waternoose from Monsters Inc.

5/5 Stars

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

⭐⭐⭐

This book started out so good and went downhill very quickly. It follows the story of these two magicians who were fated by their Master's to one day fight to the death. There were so many things I loved about this book only for the last 100 pages to just take a firey dump on my face. I loved the setting and the majority of the characters. The supporting characters were so deep and interesting that I almost cared more about them than I did Ceilia and Marko (Im proabably wrong and I dont feel like googling but I think that was his name) . I don't know. I don't want to complain about anymore meh books.

3/5 Stars

Matched by Allie Condie

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Went into this book expecting to hate it. I usually don't like contemporary love stories but this had major City of Ember meets The Giver vibes and it just appealed to that 14 year old girl in me again. That seems to happen with a lot of dystopian utopia stories. Anyways, story is about a girl who lives in this town where when you hit a certain age you are brought to a place and told who the government has chosen for you to marry. She is matched with her life long best friend and all is well. Except that her little Get To Know Your New Husband microship thing showed her two guys instead of just one. And lots of bullshit ensues. I honestly think I rated this so high because I enjoy the world and not so much whats actually happening to the kids. Like, I loved the idea that art is harmful so the government chose 100 acceptable pieces and thats all these people know. I loved the brutality of the government in general. I can't say much more without spoiling some of the twists but geez did it have me hooked. I'm going to be started the second one soonish, though my TBR for June has gotten intense so we will see.

4/5 stars

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I cannot say enough good things about this book. It is so fucking good! Not going to rant about it or anything because y'all just need to go read it immediately.

5/5 stars

Would give it every star in the sky if Im being completely honest.

Reign of the Fallen by Sarah Glenn Marsh

⭐⭐

Got sucked into this book by the cover and honestly that was the best part of this book. Its about this world where necromancy is pretty highly regarded and used to resurrect the royals after they die. The only downside is that if a living person ever lays eyes on the resurrected person's skin then they turn into these horrible monsters. Maybe it's just me but like that absolutely does not seem worth the risk. Plus, in order to bring the person back, these reapers have to go into the death world and bring the spirit back. And it's HELLA DANGEROUS. So like, WHY? Anyways, there is this stupid underlying love story that I absolutely wasn't invested in. This just all around was not a good book.

2/5 stars

Monster High by Lisi Harrison

⭐⭐

Little known fact~ I'm obsessed with Monster High and Ever After High. So yeah, I realize this wasn't targeted to me as an adult but even going into it with an open mind I was disappointed. Granted I didn't read the description of the book prior. I just saw this franchise I love and grabbed it. First, if you are a fan of the mini series and the movies do not read this. It doesnt follow the cinematic canon and I think that was my biggest problem with it. Frankie's character was all wrong and I hated the whole"Normy" cast. Was really excited for these but I definitely won't be continuing the series. I don't even want to torture myself with seeing how they manage to ruin my sweet baby Draculara.

2/5 stars

Unhinged by AG Howard

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I can't say enough good things about this series. This is the second book in the trilogy and it was a fanatstic bridge book. It had me engrossed through the entire audiobook. Morpheus is still everything. If you loved Splintered I would highly reccomend continuing.

5/5 stars

Truthwitch

⭐⭐

Have had this on my TBR for a while because of how many Booktubers have hyped the series. Buy, was I disappointed. I was soooooooooo bored. Maybe it's because I don't really enjoy this type of fantasy or maybe it was just the slower paced story but I just slugged through this book. Both of the main female characters were bland to me and I didn't care about their friendship. The world was cool but not enough to keep me invested. Just wasn't my cup of tea.

2/5 stars

Paranormalcy by Kiersten White

⭐⭐⭐

Picked this up because of how much I loved The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein and it didn't meet my expectations. It follows this girl who works for a paranormal gorvenment group. She has a special ability that makes her really useful to them so they are trying to groom her basically. They capture this changeling and she befriends him and there is an overarching plot that I just didn't get invested in. The friendship between the two main characters was pretty much the only thing that I enjoyed in this title. The mother figure was insufferable and I just didn't really understand the whole org that they worked for in general. Not an awful book but not fantastic.

Solid 3/5 stars.

The Siren by Kiera Cass

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Going to preface this by saying I might be biased. I love Kiera Cass and have enjoyed almost everything she has written. That said, this wasn't nearly as good as The Selection series but it was a pretty good stand alone novel. It about a girl who becomes a siren on her deathbed and spends the next 100 years serving the sea by luring people to their deaths. After doing this for 70 years, she falls in love and pretty much ruins everything. Loved the characters, especially the male lead. The insta love was a little pet peeve of mine but the love interest was so sweet and genuine that I was willing to overlook it. Pretty good read if you dig supernatural romance.

4/5 stars

June holds the Ghibli-a-thon but also lots of holidays for my family so we will see how much I actually get read. So far my tentative TBR is 5 books but we will see where the days take me.

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khaycaprithewriter · 5 years

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A Letter to My Exs

I love hard. When I put my all into something, I really give everything in me. It seems more like common sense but it is an actual problem. By giving someone the benefit of the doubt when they do not match my energy, I begin to lose myself.

Now, I know what you are all thinking. I know you think this is going to be about my ex but let me just clarify and say that it’s NOT ABOUT MY EX. This article is directed towards my escape from the toxic people that have come and gone in my life. Ex friends, ex family, ex acquaintances, ex everything. It is my letter of freedom from this mindset that I am always the one in the wrong or that it is 100% my fault when in fact, its not. It took me a very long time to figure this out. I am still learning to adjust to this way of thinking but it has been so amazing. I am rediscovering myself and learning more about myself by realizing what deserves my energy and what doesn’t. This is KEY in life. During this journey I learned a lot about energy. I learned to value my own energy and peace of mind because I physically felt my body shutting down and I was becoming more depressed than I already was. For as long as I can remember people have been dependent on me as their emotional stability. I was always smiling, always positive, always giving really solid advice. When I was little, many of the adults I was surrounded by would confide in me about things I knew nothing about or couldnt comprehend. I was simply there just to listen and even if they did not confide in me, I was there, listening and observing how they would react to the things they were talking about. I was a reader, I could read people really well. I remember being little and feeling like an adult. I felt like people respected me as if I was like them because they would always tell me how mature I am for my age. The only person who didn't consider me mature was my aunt Rhonda. I would sit with her and tell her that I am an adult, Im a lady, Im a grown woman and she would easily shut me down and assure me that I am not. I have never told anyone about the conversations we would have. I remember we were sitting playing jacks on kitchen floor and I lost and I started to cry and she started cracking up, tears were falling down her face she was laughing that hard. This ENRAGED ME. I asked her “why are you so crazy! You’re so mean!” She stopped laughing and smiled at me and said “If we cry every time someone does something we do not like, then we will never win. Do not give someone the satisfaction of your emotions, thats bad energy” I responded “well...well than I guess thats right”. She responded, “You are so wise, Krista”. I said, “Really! you think so?” she responded “No. I don't, but you will be”. This was one of our last conversations we had because the next conversation was an arguement that I never said sorry for and she died the week after that, in my home. My aunt was not perfect, she was not motherly, she was always cursing, we would fight all the time. But, she was my best friend in the whole world. I wish that I would have held onto what she said, but when she left me, I felt betrayed. She died almost a week before my 8th birthday. I felt like I did something wrong, I felt like I killed her by the arguement we had. I did not understand, this was my first death. Apart of me was changed forever and this is when I not only lost her, but myself. I cherished the relationships I had with my friends and family and that became my main focus. Everytime I got into an arguement with my friends I thought it was the end of the world, I thought they would never talk to me again and the next time I would see them they would be dead. All I ever wanted was a strong solid relationship with anyone who would give me the time of day. I made friends in all the wrong places, I loved in all the wrong places, I went looking for attention in all the wrong places. I was a good friend, I was the friend that you could call at any given moment and I would be there for you in a heartbeat. I would give you my last dime and the shirt of my back because that is what I feel everyone deserves so not being able to have that in return, hurts like hell. I was a follower and a leader, people would flock to me because they knew they could take advantage of my kindness and I was blind to it. Maybe I wasn't doing enough and that is why we are not friends anymore. 2005 til about 2014 were the hardest years of my life. It was a lot of growth, a lot of maturing I had to do because the years just seemed to get harder and harder. These were my pre teen and teenage years. I was suppose to be having the time of my life and I wasn't. I felt like my family did not love me anymore, I felt like my friends hated me, then moving to a whole new town and having no friends or family, I was so lost. 2014 came around and everything changed. I met Rasheed. Rasheed was the person who helped me discover myself. He opened my eyes to the real world and the ones I keep around me. He would see how people treated me and how my friends cheated me and he asked me one day. “Why do you do all this? Why are you doing so much for these people who do not even consider your feelings?”. I thought he was being dramatic but the more things I went through the more I understood. WHY THE FUCK AM I DOING THIS? Why am I investing myself in people who wouldnt do the same for me? Then once Naomi was born this was when I truly realized how energy effects me. The way I was treated was not going to be a reflection onto my daughter. I don't want her to feel that way. I want her to known and feel genuinely in her heart that she is loved, valued, important. I want her to genuinely know how much I cherish her as my child. I wanted to feel valued and I finally did. My daughter loves me, no questions asked. This was the first real love I had ever known and ever felt. She looks at me and I just automatically feel loved. I am her safe space, I am the person she looks forward to seeing every day. A childs love is the most real love you could possibly ever experience. I learned to love myself more, I learned to handle my depression better and not let it take over my life. Yeah, I got some really bad fucking days, like horrible. But once I restored my faith in myself and in God everything else just fell in to place. I learned to focus my energy on what matters, not what matters to someone else, but what matters to me. If you were my friend and we fell off, you do not matter to me. You do not match my energy anymore, you were lesson and I can move on. I truly thank you for that guidance. If you were a family member and we fell off, thank you for helping me understand my worth. If you are anyone I have ever had any issues with, thank you, you do NOT matter to me. I found this new confidence to be my best self. I no longer give my energy to anyone who doesn't match mine because if we do not match, than we will never match. That opposites attract shit is bullshit. I match who matches me and thats it! I love and value myself more than I ever have in my life. It was a long journey and in this process, I have healed and I have fixed the broken relationships with those who were not matching my energy. I can truly say I have a great relationship with my family members, I know that their love is genuine, I feel it for real in my heart. I know to the few friends I have that check up on me, value and love me and our friendship and for that I am blessed. I hope others who have felt the way I do feel the same way in time if they do not now. For those who are constantly draining themselves by not being their true self, I will pray for you but I will not cheer you on. Use your energy wisely, life is short.

Thank you to everyone who read this far, super lengthy but worth the read if you're into energy and good spirits. I hope you guys truly appreciate yourselves because when you, the rest comes easy and life is good. Not perfect, but good. Stay tuned for the next blog!!

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candyclan · 5 years

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Coming out letter to my mom. (FTM) At the start of my transition, I wanted to go by a name that started with an “A”because my birthname did. All the rest of it is basically the same.

THE TRUTH:

I didn’t scream “I am a boy” at my parents. Honestly, my mother (specifically) controlled a lot of what I did, who I hung out with, and what I wore as a child. I believe she has/had an idea about what she wanted out of a daughter since I was born, and really just lived through me. I think she eventually had to give me room to make my own decisions, later in life. I didn’t come out until I was 16, although I had spent 6 months prior to even coming out thinking about my gender identity. I was extremely sheltered. I want you guys to know that I didn’t know what being transgender was until I was a freshman in high school and met my best friend (who is STILL MY BEST FRIEND TODAY) who identified as Non-binary gender fluid. I had never really met someone AFAB that lived to be anything other than female. With that came the knowledge that sometimes, men don’t necessarily have to have penises and I can wear whatever I’m comfortable with. I used to be religious in middle school (raised Christian) but I never found god. It never made sense to me how so many people can put their faith in other people’s ideas of what god is (the Bible) but not listen when their real CHILD comes to them and tells them that they feel uncomfortable in their gender identity. I also came out as bisexual in middle school, after meeting a girl I had a fancy for. To which my mother sobbed and cried and asked how she had failed as a parent. I remember loving pink, it was my favorite color. Pink, purple, blue. My top 3. Now it’s blue, pink, purple but basically the same. I had a pink room, loved hello kitty, let my mom curl my hair with little curlers at night so I could wake up and be somebody different the next day. My brother played with carebears and my Barbie dolls more than I did as a child. I remember a toy gun and handcuffs. I was fairly experimental as a child, I did: Girl Scouts, swimming, piano, soccer, ballet, cheerleading, and more honestly. I always got “boy” toys at McDonald’s (I mean cmon they’re cooler) I just was kinda everywhere. I feel like that’s easier for someone AFAB to be. My brother was harassed by my family for liking girly things but I was never shown that I couldn’t like stereotypical “boy things” by extended family. My mother however in the line at McDonalds I could never forget, turned and looked at me (baseball cap backwards tank top and shorts)and said “So, what?” “Are you batting for the other team” implying that because of the clothes I liked to wear I would be a lesbian. My mother (like I said, kinda controlling and extremely narcissistic) when I was allowed to cut my hair super short for the first time I was 16. Afterwards she has said things like: “but you’re so pretty how could you have cut your hair” “you looked so nice with long hair” I never felt akin to femininity. I was actually VERY uncomfortable with it. I hated being the “weaker” gender. I never wanted my nails painted. It was torture. I acted like makeup and and nail polish was torture, the hairbrush was my enemy. I used to just put my hair up in a low ponytail every day as I got older. I knew she’d never let me cut it all off. Basically, other than wanting to grow up strong and tough and not liking to be treated like a female, I was female. There were parts of being female I didn’t really have a problem with, and honestly that’s why I didn’t come out for so long. I wasn’t in a house or raised by people I knew would accept anything other than me being their “little girl” I was a daddies girl. So between my lack of understanding of where my feelings towards my gender roles were coming from, being encouraged by my family to be girly, not being exposed to gender diversity (or anything queer), and my controlling mother, I remained in the dark about who I was.

TRIGGER WARNING:::(abuse)::::: I was never close with my mother, and actually hated her growing up. To this day she is the most judge mental, self-centered woman I know. My father was funny, charismatic, and lost his shit sometimes. I like to say, 90% of the time he was amazing. We made jokes and could literally finish each other’s sentences. But honestly my father, 10% of the time was abusive. Most of my abuse in my life was covert (narcissistic abuse from my mother) and verbal/emotional/barely physical abuse from my father. He’s 6”3’ 350 lbs and very loud and scary, especially to a young child. He punched a hole in my wall, he threw a remote at a wall and shattered it to pieces, he threatened to kill my dog with a baseball bat in front of me. Which I swear to god he would have done if I wasn’t holding my dog, protecting him. These moments were few and far between, but they were riddled with insults and almost always left me with less than I started with. My father did spank my brother and I, and one time he clapped my brother so well that he left a purple hand mark on his butt. My mother told my father she’d take us away if that happened again. My father never left marks. He never had to, he was so big and would just get up in my face and scream at me. He made me feel helpless. Because he was invading my space I felt physically threatened, and he never actually had to touch me and leave bruises because that threat was already implied by invading my space. I was so young, but I always knew my family wasn’t right. Finally at 16, I stood up to my father for the first time. I didn’t care if he was bigger than me, I didn’t care if I would lose, I was willing to fight for me. Anyway, long story short the police were called because we were screaming at each other in front of his apartment building. I’m not going to say I didn’t fuck up as a teenager, but I never deserved the pressure and the abuse he was dishing out and had dished out my whole life. I knew that. I cut him out of my life just after turning 16, by then I had been questioning my identity. It became easier after leaving my father to fall into who I was. My father is FAIRLY religious and my mother claims to be but she never talks about god, she never prays, and now that my father and her are divorced I don’t think she’s been inside a church since. Losing my father was a lot, despite his abuse he and I were really close and had really similar personalities. The reality of abuse isn’t “well, now I see them as an abuser so now none of that good stuff is left it’s all tainted” I had to struggle with losing someone very important in my life at a young age, for myself.

Arguments against me being trans:

My family has been a bit divided in responding to me coming out. By now, it’s been about 4 years.

My mother and her side of the family are in denial. They don’t understand how I can’t be a “lesbian that just likes boy things”. They don’t use my name or pronouns.

My father, what little communication I have with him now, is bewildered. He and I had a discussion this past Christmas where I brought up what his abuse did to me mentally and he apologized but then tried to say “well what about your part in all of this” and said that I was hanging out with crazy depressed people, cutting myself, doing drugs, (I was smoking weed and I’ve tried acid like once piss off) and was sneaking out. Yeah. I did do all of that BUT GUESS WHAT. IM 20. I go where I wanna go. I fuck who I wanna fuck. I smoke what I want and guess what? It’s not any different from when I was 16 except now I don’t have parents up my ass telling me what to do. His argument basically was that I need to own up to what I did too and that fucking angered me. You don’t apologize and then go “well what about you” that’s not an apology. That’s deflection and honestly I don’t think I need to apologize because my parents were super controlling. I was just trying to do what I wanted and they didn’t like it. He and I have talked about me being trans and he pretty much thinks I’m certifiable. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

My brother: Ethan, my brother and I have always been close. He’s 17 now, and he had a different reaction to me being trans. Of all of my family he was the most receptive to my pleas of gender dysphoria and he suffers with anxiety so he gets stuff. But alas, after asking him if he’d call me by my name and pronouns (after 4 years of being out) he thinks that I am the one that has an issue with society. I told him I was starting T soon and he said: “Hrt won’t lessen all the things that come with being transgender. If you feel like doing hormones is the best for you then do it, but from a logical standpoint I think there just needs to be more thickening of skin” he claimes that if I try hard enough I could be fine living as female. Doesn’t use my name or pronouns.

None of my family supports me. None of my family understands. And none of them ever will. I have been out for four fucking years. I can’t tell you how frustrating family rejection can be. I have cried so much at the idea of not having a supportive family. I feel like I was ripped away from a beautiful life somewhere and thrust into this mess.

Honestly though, it doesn’t matter, the world keeps spinning and I keep finding people who love and accept me for who I truly am. I have made peace with my family’s lack of acceptance. It’s made me stronger and more compassionate towards others. Made me want to be better than them. I am actually going to start hormones soon, and on top of other fears I have, will be cutting my family out of my life. I can’t be 25 with a full beard and getting misgendered by my family. I can’t do it. They may feel like I’m going too far, that I don’t have to do this, but I do. I’m not doing this because I didn’t get too much attention as a kid or my mom favored my brother over me, I’m not doing this because it’s cool, I’m not doing this because I’m bored, I’m not doing this because I hate myself or anyone else. This is AFFIRMATION. Sometimes, cutting people who can’t see you for who your really are out of your life is affirming too.

Guys, girls, people, keep your head up. Things get better, I know. I thought life was never going to get better so I know that’s what it can feel like. But it does. Never ever let someone control your life or who you are. You’re beautiful/handsome/amazing! You deserve to be comfortable in your own skin and to love who you are. I am getting there, we all are.

Love,

Tanner M.

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gayliensav · 5 years

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the opening card of fear the walking dead is literally the most annoying sound to my overly sensitive ears

but im starting a rewatch, just gonna keep updating this post below the cut

S1E01: “Pilot”

ahahhaha that millennial daughter of theirs not watching to eat gluten. Bet the local white moms who are casual watchers for Norman loved this joke

Alicia is the only character I have liked from the very beginning (besides like...Strand, but he wasn’t in the first ep)

Like I know everyone is up Madison’s ass (at least they were last time I checked and I’m a few seasons behind), but I don’t like her or Travis all that much

Nick changed for me, I used to hate him but he got a little better

Nick hating Travis???? A BIG FUCKING MOOD

Like I understand that as the viewers who watch TWD we’re supposed to be annoyed with their decisions, which is how I feel from the beginning, but I do realize that’s how they want us to feel.

“You need to take Christopher” “i DoNt WaNnA gO”

He’s literally asking his son, a teenager, to come and spend the weekend in the hospital with someone he barely knows, like what does he expect here??

the lead up draaaaags on for too long

*slams fist on desk* wheres isaac lahey

I think one of the main problems with the relationships in this show is that there’s no lead up and no development, they just immediately love each other. Like with Rick and Michonne, we had seasons of lead up, but not with these two. The writers of this are capable of writing good relationships, they just chose to drag these two heteros into the main stage without giving them any backstory in the beginning.

This liveblog is going to consist of me making quips and then actual analysis of stuff

i walked out of the room to go to the bathroom and didnt miss anything

this one kids got it covered, tobias is prolly still out there

thats what I expected Paul Rovia to be like at the beginning of the apocalypse. Everyone is like dicking around and hes like nah fam and yeets his body outta town

the whole show is on 123movies, btw, dont give amc the numbers by watching it on their site. They also don’t have the first few seasons available anyways, so

like why don’t they just go check the building instead of saying Nick was just drugged. Like I know he was high, but he saw dead bodies, they need to call the police and have them check that shit out. Instead Travis just goes there by himself. Ricky Grimes would not approve.

I forget how long until the actual apocalypse stuff happens, but I’m getting a teeny bit bored already.

“Something really bad happened there” “I don’t care” lmao WHAT, Madison????

“You cannot enable him” IM HOWLING THESE WORDS JUST CAME FROM MADISON’S MOUTH

I paused and 50 pop ups came up, thanks

you know alicia’s bf goes down

IS THAT ANDRE FROM VICTORIOUS

ITS LEON

they really teased us with an almost-zombie huh almost like they knew we were bored

fffff there aint a doubt in my mind that anyone from the pilot except tobias and alicia survived this show

nick’s yeetin outta here

Like the concept of being in a huge city during the beginning was great, but we didn’t really get very much of that. The first few episodes especially when Travis was trying to get Chris and was stuck in that barber shop was great. Like that’s one of the few episodes of this that really stick in my mind. Those crazy fucking scenes were great.

“there’s no bodies...they couldn’t just get up and walk away” lollllll what clever writers WE HAVE

Like I’ll give Travis credit, he did try to be a good dad and stepdad...just bad timing, not great decisions in the end of the world, etc. Like the one scene where he was swearing he’d drag Nick to rehab??? That scene got me feelin’ stuff.

YES FINALLY SOME TENSION ON THE HIGHWAY LETS GO LESBIANS THIS IS THE WALKING FUCKING DEAD

lol a helicopter

you know why all these kids aren’t in school??? their parents are anti-vaxxers

walkers walkers walker walkers LETS GO THERES A WALKER

“killshot, bitch”

that took way too long to be the first episode goddamn

S1E02: “So Close, Yet So Far”

Ooooo cellphones are starting to go, shits getting good now

I’m like 30 minutes in and haven’t liveblogged anything, I’m bored

Well, that was that.

S1E03: “The Dog”

I hate this already because of the title we stan (1) TWD Dog in this house and his name is Dog Dixon

this star wars now???

See, I’m a neutral gay who just likes to watch chaos. A chaotic neutral, if you will. So this episode is fucking WILD, like this is what I mentioned before.

the monopoly scene was wholesome

I guess I could see Paul joining in on this chaos for a bit until he realized oh shit this aint good chief THEN yeeting outta there

Fun fact, the truck they use for the first part of Fear is Daryl, Aaron, and Paul’s truck on the askjaaryl blog:

The music while they’re driving is on fucking point, like it kinda sounds like that one TWD theme (the hopeful one) but remixed.

The scene where all the lights in the city go off PHEW poetic cinema

Madison: DONT LET IT IN! Nick: ITS A DOG! -- Daryl felt that

I frozzee I thought for a hot minute that it was Dog

He a cutie tho

that poor doggo im so sick of this show’s treatment towards them like

if anything happens to Dog, I think Norman will quit and rightfully so

i feel like just a few people in the post-apocalyptic world where zombie movies dont exist were just blessed with the knowledge that you have to shoot the head

damn chris really didnt do shit and got a whole broken nose huh

so far, stan list: alicia, victor strand (he hasnt appeared but yyknow), and chris sort of

they need a doctor but she never went to school before the end of hte world is this how alex feels all the time

S1E04: “Not Fade Away”

The opening to this one always really stuck with me. Like it’s so normal but you know it’s not.

lol remember that time everyone freaked the fuck out thinking this was Carl

I feel like Ophelia and this soldier dude would have one of those conversations where it’s like “what do you like about me?” “you’re beautiful” “is that it?”

deadass don’t care if nick is over 18, she still hit her son who has an addiction he can’t control

I think this is where I started to hate Madison. Instead of blaming the people who did it, she blamed Liza. Because that makes sense.

S1E05: “Cobalt”

YOU ARE MY DAD YOURE MY DAD BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE

Strand out here scamming the heteros since before the apocalypse started

Paul Rovia and Victor Strand had a thing, you can’t change my mind

Everything but Strand’s scenes is boring to me and there is an extreme lack of those.

S1E06: “The Good Man”

Honestly, the relationship between Nick and Strand was really great.

“We’re gonna get along fine, Nick’s mom” is one of my favorite lines because like...it’s like a little kid talking to someone else’s parent, but he’s a grown ass man and he knows damn well how funny he is.

So wait did Ophelia die???

oop nope she good

lol she deadass apologizing that he got taken and not for beating her own son but OKAAAAAY

S2E01: “The Monster”

Here we go, a full length season this time. Let’s see how this goes.

#sav watches;

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jolie-auletta · 5 years

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Lose Yourself, To Find Yourself.

So, I had the honour of being part of an international women’s day seminar yesterday. Hosted by the beautiful Gaia Rose, at her annual awakened woman gathering.

Part of a 7 woman strong team, I made my first public speech.

Stood in front of 50 women I didn’t know, I spoke about something that had impacted my life. How I fully and completely lost myself, but found my true self by doing so.

So here goes;

When I first found out I was going to be speaking today, I was an anxiety ridden mess, I was almost automatically filled with all kinds of insecurities. What if my story isnt as exciting as everybody elses. What if people judge me. What if I dont even inspire any one?

And as normal as that thought process is for someone who has never spoken in public before, it isnt actually very logical.

While I was writing this speech I sent it over to my friend to read over and I told her I felt somewhat guilty for mentioning someone from my past.

I am literally about to say things to a room of strangers that I've never even said a loud before!

But that's when it hit me, I want to be part of teaching our daughters and the next generation of women to not be afraid of simply speaking the truth!

I was always an intelligent kid. I taught myself how to speak other languages, play musical instruments, top of the class.. so I should have been a grade A student, gone to uni and I could have been living 'the dream' right now.

I know that the dream is just perspective. The dream is what you make it. But what I’m trying to say, is I could have had a smooth and easy life, if things had been different.

I don't dwell on that though, devine alignment is something I speak of often. All that is meant to be, will be.

My secondary school days were awful. I started later than I should have, so perhaps that had something to do with it? I don't know. But I felt like I was just always having to try harder than normal, just to make friends. Constantly seeking approval from my peers, constantly trying to be ‘one of them’.

What I've realised it comes down to, is I've just never had good social skills. Which no body believes when I tell them because I come across so confident and eccentric!

But honestly I'm what I like to call a social chameleon. I can blend in with any group, but it's all down to analysis of behaviours and mimicking. In a sense it's just acting.

And that's what school was like for me, I shuffled between groups, making friends then falling out with them over things I just didn't understand at the time

It's like I just didn't know how to integrate with people , or be myself.

So along with feeling like I has no real friends.. I was actually bullied too. The entire time.

I remember having to leave school early just to avoid confrontation. The worst part is, I didn't tell a soul I until I was 25? So a whole 10 years went by without even telling my own mum that I was bullied!

That's something I really regret now. Because I believe it all stems from there and if I had reached out to someone, it could have all been different.

Anyway, the last year of school rolled round and I'm obviously so happy to leave!

But then this fear kicked in. What if I get bullied again!?

So I had an ingenius plan. (in hindsight this was not an ingenius plan at all)

I firstly completely went off radar. I chose a college in a new area, where no one would know me and heres the ingenius part. I made a new personality. Who is the most unbullyable person, I thought? All my previous bullies where quite 'rude girl' personas, so thats when i pieced everything together and decided who I’d be.

And it worked. No one picked on me and I was actually popular.

The mask was working, but that’s all it was, a mask.

I was still constantly seeking approval from people, always trying to be what I thought other people thought was cool, not what I actually thought was cool.

About 8 years ago, i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and BPD. I was on medication but I took myself off of them when I fell pregnant. I did see a psychiatrist for a number of years, but I'm due to have another evaluation because I tick a lot of the boxes for autism!

This was literally a lightbulb moment! When I found out I could be on the spectrum- everything in my life made sense. And it turns out its really common for women with autism to go under the radar, or be diagnosed with depression, anxiety or bipolar/bpd like I was, and that's it, autism isn't even considered.

I am quite obviously high functioning, but every day scenarios like dealing with my emotions, sensory predicaments and simple socialising are a daily battle for me.

I have done A LOT of self healing and I have made a lot of progress, but I have come to the conclusion that whether I'm one, none, or all of the above , I just don't fit in a box and that's okay!!

I found my release in music, it was a coping mechanism, a world to get lost in.

But this leads me onto the second part of my story. During my music years, I met someone who would change my life.

A narccissist.

As i said before i do believe everything happens in devine order and its all lead me to where I am today. And I don't even hold a grudge towards this person. What's done is done.

And we were actually friends for a long while before getting together, we were best friends in fact, I can't even fault the friendship.

But the relationship was TOXIC!

The mental abuse was off the scale. And he also introduced me to cocaine. Now, in the beginning, it was all fun and games. Parties, recreational and I had no responsibilities in life so I thought why the hell not.

But it became more than that. He got me involved in not only taking it, but selling it too.

The entire relationship became based on that.

And ultimately it was detrimental to my soul.

I didnt even recognise myself. My family didn’t recognise me. It was like I had all these layers of personality I had invented to hide behind, but I couldn’t even remember who I was underneath it all!

I became more and more involved in this crazy lifestyle, so much so I ended up in prison because of it.

Honestly I look back and just think, how could I be so STUPID. It took me so long to admit that I was in a controlling and abusive relationship.

This guy had a hold on me. The kind of hold only a narccissist can have.

This wasnt some teenage crush where i 'loved' him so much and I'd do anything for him. I was a crushed soul, bowing down to a dictator.

I did what he wanted, when he wanted. I didn’t even exist. It was all about him.

My mental state was in pieces.

Im honestly so embarrased to tell people Ive been to jail. I mean even saying the word jail. It makes me cringe. I rarely tell people. There are family members that don’t even know!

But that prison freed me. From the jail that was my own body.

Its almost heartbreaking to think of myself all alone in a cell, no friends or family , but I had time to be on my own. With ME! The actual me, not the me I had been playing the part of for the last god knows how many years.

I honestly remember the day the penny dropped, it was when I put my nose ring back in. It sounds so crazy, but when I put it back in, all the pieces of me started to sort of fall into place too. I wore the clothes I wanted. I wore my hair how I wanted and I was starting to love being me again.

The mask was off! I existed again! And that was a beautiful feeling!

I can’t believe I’d kept up this charade for so many years! I should have been an actress, seriously 😂

So fast forward to today, I have a daughter, My Isabella Amethyst. I honestly love her more than I ever thought was even possible and she has played a major role in me becoming the person I am today, because she deserves me at my best and no less.

Another point to make is… As some one who was too foreign for the white folk; yet too white to be black… my whole life I had never fit in to a ‘group’.

I started researching my ancestral heritage and had a deep spiritual connection with the Italian and Spanish parts of my DNA. I even discovered I had Amerindian and oceanic DNA. Which was amazing and even more soul grabbing for me, it gave me a sense of belonging.

A lot of people say wow jode, you've changed so much!

But i am now, who I actually was before I was pressured in to believing I wasn't good enough as myself! Before I invented a new me, just to fit in with everyone else!

So along with becoming a parent, Ive managed to start my own holistic business too!

I do everything I love now, everything that makes my soul happy. I say yes to my intuition and say no to anything that doesn't serve me. We as women have to learn put ourselves first! We have to learn to trust ourselves, love ourselves and actually learn to be a bit selfish!

Life has given me some lemons, as they say. My world was incredibly sour at times and I have found my self in the darkest of corners, alone. But as clische as it is, after the darkness comes light.

I can wholeheartedly say that although I may not be 'living the dream' I could have been, if I had chosen all the 'right' paths in life, I am infact HAPPY. My soul is content and I am ME.

No matter what any of us have been through in life, we not only grow through it, we can flurish beyond it. These awful things happen to us, but they do not define us.

Sometimes we just have to lose ourselves, to find ourselves.

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bishiglomper · 3 years

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Who wants to learn about my family drama? Too bad I'm gonna post about it anyway.

So mom got pregnant at 16. Married the guy. He went into the military. I came along 8 years after my sister. It was all fine and good I guess until he came home from a deployment when i was... 12 maybe.

I bring this up because i took a 3 hour roadtrip alone with dad's wife. She spilled all sorts of beans..

So anyway. That was at least his 2nd or 3rd deployment and i guess he sent mom 70k. When he came home, there was no money. No one ever figured out where it went. Figured mom spent it. We have no idea on what. Looking back I can't think of anything she could have spent it on. I dont remember her leaving for secret trips or anything. No new items. No strangers coming around. Its a mystery.

So shit didnt really start take a turn for the worse until we moved to Ohio when I was around 14. Dad had another deployment, but this time he acquired PTSD. I never questioned why, i just figured war was obviously bound to leave you fucked up.

Dad's wife told me differently. I had to twist her arm just to give me vague cryptic keywords. Like "murder" "people who ought not be murdered" and "practically coerced him into being involved" 😳

My poor daddy. No wonder he ended up locked in his room with a swat team surrounding the house.. Until mom donkey-kicked the door in to get to him and take his gun. He witnessed some fucked up shit, even though I'm not quite sure what.

But the real juicy bit is something i didnt even know about until my late 20s. Sissy told me while we were in Ohio, my parents were involved in swinging. Knew no details other than thats where a couple of their friends came from.

The new light she'd on this topic though, was it was mom's idea. I always figured it was dad. But apparently he only did it for mom.

(His now-wife is named Stacy. I love her but i just cant call her stepmom.)

Sje said she researched the topic, and typically swingers are middle-aged couoles who married too young. (So, typical case)

Anyway. I guess mom gradually started breaking rules. Like getting permission from dad first. And she snuck around during his next deployment..

During this time, we jad a daughter of familt friends staying with us. I was only 14 but i knew this woman was trouble. She was the type who could and would totally kick your ass if you pissed her off. Questionable choices. Wild child. All that shit. But she was good to us, so.

Anyway. My niece has brought back stories from her bio-dad's side of the family. One of which being that one time whilst mom and our guest were at a bar, mom tried to get into (bio-dad's family member's pants)

I always thought wow, never knew mom couod/would do that; crazy..

But Stacy filled in some swinger drama from that time and it all fits.

(Took a break from posting to actually discuss and compare notes with my sister)

The only discrepancy is sister is adamant that this WAS dad's idea to swing.

So anyway.

The next bit of drama was my sister having the niece. We all went to Iowa because we spent summers with the aunt and everyone.

At this point we were already planning on the move to Iowa that winter.

So dad, being fed up with my 23yr old sister who was a slob, refused to get a job and support her child.. He's just like "so you can either stay here and I'll send your shit or you can come back for your shit and gtfo"

He sent her stuff. But because she had a child that half belonged to someone else and essentially moved several states away, he sued. Thankfully dad helped with the lawyer and while not perfect, my sister got the best possible deal for the situation.

But all through this, dad absolutely loved his granddaughter. And it was an asshole move, but dad only agreed to support my sister and let her stay with us if he got to name her daughter. He picked Dominatrice. (Doh-min-ah-treece) Because you can get Trixie out of it. We were all like Wtf but ok.

So the last biggest drama was the events that led to dad ghosting my niece.

So one thing that happened was dad wanted to take little niecey out to lunch. She was 5ish. Sister couldnt get work off though, but hes all "its fine, I'll just pick her up and drop her back off"

But sissy was able to leave and met them. But as soon as she did he's like "you know what, im actually gonna go ahead and take off"

Which created a slurry of suspicious thought like "wtf is going on, did i foil plans to whisk my daughter back with them?"

When sissy told me this, I figured it was either just a weird mix of coincidence that set off alarm bells or weird timing. Or both. I'm 100% confident dad didnt plan anything. What was he going to do with her? Its not like he'd be able to kidnap her and go off grid never to be found again. Also was he going to just raise her? None of that makes sense.

Anyway. The big blowout didnt happen until dad was on his way back to virginia and the niece was due to be picked up from ohio. He offered to pick her up along the way and we were supposed to go up after them and spend vacatipn with them.

Sister told him no, he couldn't do that. He asked why. She tried to avoid answering him, but eventually told him that it was in the court order that he not be left alone with the child. Probably because he CAUSED the whole custody fiasco.

But this was the first he'd heard of it. So he was understandably upset. And then he tried hounding her for answers, for proof. Send him the document stating this. It escalated until he would jusy be yelling and svreaming over the phone and make sissy cry until mom had to shut down the phone calls.

I asked my sister why she didn't just show him the proof. Like, thats all he wanted.

She said it was not her job to prove it to him. It was public record, he could do it him damn self.

Stacy told me he tried, but couldn't get it because niece was a minor.

When I told Sissy this, she gave me the SNOTTIEST facial expression which i think meant "well, shit." Mixed with a mocking sort of "he's still a whiny-piss-baby"

So yeah. We're only visiting because after like 9 years dad reached out after forcibly pushing all this anger and feels down in effort to reconcile. Sissy is attempting to but at the same time feels he's too toxic to bother with and doesnt want him near her kids.

All because after this went down, he then ghosted the niece. He used to call her and send her gifts all the time. Her little heart was absolutely broken when he started ignoring her. Stacy told hom not to do that, so the general consensus was that it was indeed a dick move.

His reasoning though was "my daughter thinks i want to kidnap my grandchild, how can i reach out and have a relationship with her without incriminating myself?"

So yeah. Stacy and I are very alike in the fact that we both are able to see both sides of an argument. I'm glad i got to see the other side because apparently dad told her (about the dicorce and everything) "they'll figure out what happened and realize its not all my fault"

Like, uh. No? How were we supposed to reach that conclusion? And i dont know about my sister, but i was a self-absorbed naive teenager, I wasnt aware of jack shit. 😂

And that is the story of the day. :D

In other news, I wrote this while dad finally got his gallbladder surgery and we worried he'd either bleed out or have a heart complication and die. Aaaand he was out in like an hour and a half. So far he's good. Now we can visit the aquarium without stewing in anxiety. Hooray!

#long post #family drama #sordy i cant put it under a cut #i feel slightly better now #still not sure where my sister stands...#i hope tensions dissipate #i want to come visit again dammit i fucking love visiting them

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askderynsharp · 7 years

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wait so are deryn and alek buggering or not

((Short answer: Yes, but I’m not gonna draw it.))

((Long nsfwish answer below the cut))

So I used to read, write, and consume porn of characters that were 15 to 16 years old, because at the time I was 15 years old.

See, growing up young girls don’t really get to have the opinion of exploring their sexuality. That’s considered a boy thing. Even the most liberal progressive mother wont bring up sex to her daughter until the daughter is ready to talk about it, and the daughter doesn’t want to talk about it because they’re told between the lines of everything they experience that they arent supposed to be interested in that sort of thing. But I have literally thought about sex every moment of every day ever since I learned about it at 13, and even before then was obsessed with intimacy even before I know what those feelings meant. I am a very sexual person, and I started having really intense sexual feelings at around 14. Of course I was too young to experience sex at the time physically, but I was still THINKING about it, almost constantly. I had questions, I was confused, and though I was not emotionally ready for sex I was fascinated by the concept. I was too young for a proper boyfriend, and porn was sort of empty and meaningless, I wanted to know what it was like to have sex on an emotional level.

I read Leviathan when I was 14, just between eighth grade and highschool. I was obsessed with Deryn Sharp because I felt that I kinda was her. She looked like me, in that she was tall and blonde, and had similar tomboyish personality. I also spent a lot of my pre-pubescence crossdressing (or rather, strapping down my tits with duct tape in the girls locker room) and was constantly wishing I could be one of the boys. (subtle.)

When I started having confusing feelings of wanting to explore sexual concepts I was too ashamed to see myself in a sexual situation. And similarly to most of the girls in my class, I found it easier to think about sex so long as it was about someone else I could easily project myself onto.

A little known fact in the history of children’s media is that it was primarily developed by psychologists because children have an easier time processing emotions if they’re experiencing it through someone else. There is a reason child therapists often have dolls with personalities pertaining to traumatizing situations, kids don’t want to talk about their own feelings but can still understand and explain those feelings under the guise of explaining a character. Fictional characters in children’s media EXIST so kids can relate to them, and navigate their own feelings through them. When I was 15, I didn’t want to read about an experienced sexually confident 30 year old woman’s sex life, I wanted to know what it was like for someone like me, someone who would be scared and embarrassed and have a hard time communicating exactly what she wants out of a relationship.

As some of you know, in early highschool I started this blog with amateur (and kinda cringey) art asks about my opinions of the book. Most of it was silly, from my infamous ‘fluffy Newkirk’ to ‘crazy femenazi Lilit’ but something I got heat with even back then was my interpretation of Deryn’s sexuality.

In my blog’s canon, Alek and Deryn were at a point in their relationship where they were regularly having sex. I never specified that they were older, as far as I portrayed it the events of my blog took place immediately after the final book in the series, Goliath, ended. I read smut of them on fanfiction.net (incidentally, also written by minors) and even went as far as to publish my own erotic work when I was feeling brave enough.

Now that I am adult, of course, I look back at that shit and shudder. For a while I considered taking the blog down, as it did feature underage sexual content, but ultimately decided it was important that the blog stayed up. I am a huge advocate for keeping children and sexual experiences separate, but I think that it IS healthy and important for children to understand sex before they’re ready to have sex. Someone I’m very close to had his first sexual experience before understanding what sex was like (good little boy, he had never once masturbated or watched porn beforehand) and he said it was one of the most scarring experiences of his life and could have easily been made healthy if he just knew what was going on beyond what a teacher told him in sex ed (which very famously, isnt a lot)

I am uncomfortable with the idea of seeing two teenagers go at it and would never draw someone under 18 naked, but when I was a teenager myself it was validating and satisfying for me. It helped me understand. It told me that I wasn’t bad for having sexual thoughts and desires, and gave me an outlet. Especially since it wasn’t just raunchy porn, but porn of a couple that love and respected each other.

Sexuality on the internet treads a fine line. But I think the important factor about it is that the characters that we are seeing in sexual situations are fictional. This of course doesn’t mean underage smut is harmless so long as its fictional, *cough* otaku *cough* but I think that the fact that since these characters don’t exist (and furthermore, are shown to be made an appropriate age) means that its safe for young girls and boys to project their budding sexual feelings on them. At 16, I didn’t want to relate to someone who was old and mature, I wanted to relate to someone relevant to me.

And I still heavily relate to Alek and Deryn, and as such still think of them sexually sometimes when considering my own relationships. I think it is very likely that they had underaged sex based on hints in the bonus chapter and what we know about social norms the Leviathan universe.

But that doesnt mean I’m gonna draw teenagers boning.

When push comes to shove I’m an adult now, and really dont have anything to gain from imagining literal children having sex. I’m not into 16 year olds, and I’ve pretty much answered most of the questions I’ve had concerning my sexuality by now. As many of you know I have this whole extended continuity that stretches way into the future and has a plethora of ocs that include Dalek’s children. Where do you think babies come from dudes? Of course they’re still having sex, and of course I draw it sometimes because guess what I like sex.

But the versions of Deryn and Alek that I draw porn of are so divorced from their younger canon counterparts that I often just describe them as OCs when showing the art to other people. In my head they’ve completely changed into adults, not just taller and with bewbs but emotionally as well. I’ve taken liberties in altering their worldview to be more mature, borrowing many of the lessons and trials I myself have picked up over the years. My interpretation of adult Dalek was made through me imagining those characters growing up beside me at the same speed, and really I’ve done more written work of them just existing as adults then I have of them having sex. (Here’s the full timeline, btw.) They’re not at all the same as they were in the book, I’ve devoted time and effort into theorizing their development over the course of literal years.

So yeah. They’re having sex. Teenagers do that. If there are any teenagers on this blog feel free to write all the porn you want. But I’m not putting any here, because me and a vast majority of my followers are adults who dont wanna think about kids that way. I’m also gonna try and keep it clean for kids who just dont have an interest in sex and would rather read my quality content that supposedly exists.

That being said, please continue to send me prompts to misinterpret. Thats a load of silly goofy harmless fun. Just dont be disappointed when I bend over backwards to make something sexy funny instead.

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littlellamalittlelion · 7 years

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My Little Baby Llama - Part 10

N/A: First things first, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! I hope 2017 is treating you guys better than 2016 did.

Second, I’m shocked and pleased to say that this phanfiction, My Little Baby Llama, is nominated in two categories of the Phanfic Awards 2016!! I have no idea how this happened, and I’m really grateful to all and each of you that read and share this fic. This is my little baby and I honestly couldn’t dream about being nominated to an award for it. So if you can, please VOTE for My Little Baby Llama for Best Tumblr Fic and Emotional Wreck Award, that would mean the world to me.

Now to the chapter! This isn’t a huge one, or the most emotionally wrecking one, but I thought you guys could use some fluff to make your hearts feel a little bit better after the past 3 chapters.

TW: Some daddy issues and conflicts about sexuality and family acceptance.

For those of you that might be a bit confused, this fic is happening around the end of January/2016. Before the tour dates release.

Words: 3200+

Disclaimer: Nor Dan or Phil belongs to me, and while I wish I had a Lizzie in real life, I do not have one either.

Masterpost

Dan’s P.O.V

“IT’S HIS DAUGHTER PETER! I don’t want to be separated from my granddaughter either, but it’s his choice. If he wants to take her and move her to London we have to be here to support him, not tell him that he can’t do that. He is a responsible man now, he is almost 25, he has a great job, he might not be ready to give up some stuff for her, but he has been her father for over 4 years, he knows what he is doing.” I hear the screams from my parents room as soon as I open my eyes.

“You don’t understand Adelaide, that kid won’t have a normal life, not living with them! She needs a safe, normal house, with a mom and a dad, and all the support she might need. He can’t provide her that. He wants to put her into a small prision-like apartment, with two men that act like teenagers, in the middle of the craziest, loudest, city in the country, to live in their bachelor lifestyle. Or even worse, if they are not telling us something.”

“And there you go again, with this homophobic crap. They are not dating Peter, they are not a couple, and even if they were its none of your business. They might be bissexual and live together but that doesn’t make them a couple. And if they were, that would be even better for Lizzie. She loves Phil, he is great with her, he has been a second father for her during her whole life, don’t you think that she sees him as father too? Phil has been there for her since day one, just like Dan. Elizabeth never had only a mother and a father, she always had a mother and two fathers. You know that she will be happier with them, than here. I know that you’ve never accepted Daniel’s sexuality, and you keep telling yourself that is just a phase and that he is not serious about it, but you have to start accepting that your son is bi. And, as shocking this might sound for you, that doesn’t change the fact that he is a great, loving, worried father, that will move mountains and oceans for his daughter.”

“I won’t let my granddaughter grow up thinking that its normal to have two fathers. She needs to know that the socially accepted family is formed by a mother, a father, and the kids. Not this freak modern “families” that the world tries to push down on our guts. Daniel is an adult and he can do whatever he wants with his life, but he is not going to take Elizabeth down on this road. She needs a mother and a father to grow up with.” I look at Phil and he is staring at me. I can feel his heartbeat in our hands attached together, his heart it’s beating fast and strong. Phil is stressed. I try to calm him down but rubbing his hand, while I get out of the bed trying not to wake Lizzie up. I tell him to stay there and I move towards my mom’s room. I feel the blood pumping into my head, and I see red with anger.

“Thats the thing father, she doesn’t have a mom anymore. She will never have this perfect “normal” home that you keep coming back to in your speech. Phil and I are all that she gets from now on, so I’m sorry to say, but that will have to be enough.” I say pushing myself trough their door, taking a deep breath before talking again. “While you are in the subject, I hope you understand that I don’t expect you to accept or respect me and my sexuality, even though you should, but I do expect you to respect Phil. Phil and I have been friends for almost seven years now, we have been trough a lot of things together, Clary’s pregnancy and Lizzie’s life included, and we did get closer than friends during this time, but this isn’t your business, and you shouldn’t worry about it. And while I’m already used to be the shame in your life, I’m getting tired of all this bullshit you keep saying in my back since I was brave enough to tell you about my sexuality almost four years ago.” I take another deep breath before turning to my mother. “I’m sorry you have do deal with his bullshit because of me. Thank you for everything, but I think we will be moving back to London today, you should go say bye to Lizzie.” I tell her, giving her a hug, before turning back to my dad, and she leaves the room.

“You don’t get to make this decision. You…” I cut his words before he gets deeper in his shit.

“I do get to make this decision. I do get to move MY child to MY house, that I pay with MY money, from MY job, and YOU don’t have a word on it. You don’t get to make any decisions in my life. As you said, I am an adult and I can do whatever I wanna do with my life. Lizzie is the biggest part of my life, so thats settled. Goodbye Father.” I say leaving the room, without giving him time to scream at me again. I move back to my room and I find Phil packing some of our stuffs, while my mom talked to a sleepy Lizzie on the bad. I’m glad Phil knows me this well. “Don’t worry about my stuff, I have enough back home. Just call the car, I’ll grab Lizzie’s bags and we can go home.” I tell him, that stopped doing his packing to look at me.

“Dan you don’t have to go right now, I’ll talk to your dad, you know that he didn’t mean half of those things he said.”

“Mom, I don’t wanna fight you too. I love you for defending me and Phil and for believing in us, but both of us know that he meant every single word he said. He has been saying those type of things for years, and I don’t expect him to change soon. At the same time, I don’t have to be here to hear it all. He can say all the shit he wants, as soon as I leave his roof.” I put my hand in her shoulder to show that I am okay. “Take Lizzie to say bye to everyone, we are leaving in 15 minutes.” I tell her, before moving back to Phil and help packing. My mom leaves the room with Lizzie in her arms, Phil moves towards me and hugs me. I hug him back as strong as I can. I needed that.

“You will be okay. I promise you. I’m here for you, I won’t let got. We will do this together.” He says. We stay like that for a few moments, and then we are back on packing. In less than 12 minutes we are all packed, bags in the car, Lizzie in her car seat, and we are moving back home.

Phil sleeps trough the whole drive home, trying to get over his car sickness. I take the time to talk to Lizzie tring to explain to her about how she was going to move schools and she might stay home for a while, and she looks confused. I decide to talk about it with her later, so I spend the rest of the way reading a little bit more of Harry Potter to her until we get home. Our house is freezing. I take Lizzie to my room and leave her bags there, Phil is turning the heater on, so I work on the fireplace, until we get a cozy lounge to lay in. Its only 9pm, but it feels like 10 days has passed since the funeral. I’m tired, emotionally drained, a crusty dry sponge in need of moisture, so when I fall asleep in the middle of Big Hero 6 with Lizzie all over me, it’s not a big surprise.

“You really should go to bed.” Says Phil, taking an sleeping Lizzie from my arms, waking me up. “I just made your bed for you and Lizzie.”

“You didn’t have to.” I answer, trying to get up. “You could have just waken me up.” “Thats alright. I was recording a video, I finished earlier than I thought, so I had time.”

“I really need to work on a video.”

“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to. But yeah, the fans are worried already.”

“They are always worried or wondering about our lives.” I comment, as he puts Lizzie down on the bed. “You’re not sleeping here tonight?” I ask when I see that he made a little fort with pillows around one of Lizzie’s side.

“I’ll edit for the biggest part of the night, and I don’t think I’ll be a good company today, to be honest. But if you need me, you can always find me across the corridor. You know I wont kick you out of the bed if you try to join me.” He gives me a little smile before going out of the room. I worry about the way that Phil is acting, but I don’t judge, we’ve had a pretty bad day and all I want to do is pass out and stop worrying about life. I take a little bit of time choosing my clothes, and I make sure Lizzie is safe before heading down stairs for a shower. I take my time, trying to wash off all the bad things of the past few weeks, and the funeral earlier today, off my body. I work on relaxing before heading to bed to sleep it off and renewing my energies. I put my Pooh onesie and I fall asleep before even opening Tumblr on my phone.

The next day isn’t easier or harder. Mom calls to ask how we are and talk to Lizzie. My baby girl is acting fine, she is sad but that doesn’t stop her from playing with me and Phil the whole day. Phil cooks for us, and I clean the mess, we talk and watch cartoons, Lizzie sleeps and Phil goes back to his room. He is distant and weird, but I assume it’s just because of Clary. I’m sad, distant, and weird too, so that’s not a big deal right now. The week passes without much happening. The fans were going crazy, so I post a video about memes, joking about my life when I think that there is nothing else to laugh about on it. I make a live show when Phil takes Lizzie outside in our little back garden, to play around. Louise calls and ask about everything, I try to explain it to her, but it hurts too much. We talk about schools and she promises me that she will help me find the best option for Lizzie. We decide that she will only be going back to school when the new school year starts. I try to be strong and responsible, but I feel weak and alone. Phil hasn’t really been there. Its really late when I decide to confront him about that.

“You promised me. I never thought that you would break that promise.” I say, when we are both watching an episode of Free! on the TV.

“What are you on about?”

“You promised that you would be here for me, no matter what, and you haven’t. You have been distant. You don’t sleep in my bed anymore, you don’t wait us to eat breakfast even though you’ve cooked it, you don’t make funny jokes and comments during our animes nights. I don’t understand. I thought you would take care of me, in the moment I need you the most, but all you do is make me feel alone when we are together. I’m hurting and it doesn’t feel like you care.” I say focusing on the floor in front of me. I don’t wanna look at him.

“Have you ever stopped to think that I am hurting too? That I need space and that’s why I’m keeping a little bit of distance right now? Have you stopped to think about the fact that your bed here is really small compared to the one in Reading, and it doesn’t fit both of us with Lizzie on it? I need to feel good in order to help you get better Dan, but I need to have space to put my thoughts in order so I can get better myself, I won’t be able to think right when the three of us are smashed together in your bed. And don’t you dare saying that I haven’t been here for you. I make sure you are eating, that you took a shower, that you work, that your daughter is fed, that she showered, that she is laughing and having as much fun as possible, while you look like a robot zombie walking around the flat without seeing the day light for over a week. I love you Dan and I’m trying my best to help you, but I’m feeling lost and lonely too. The grief is here for both of us, not only you, I’m just trying to get over it by myself, so you don’t have to feel both of our pain, as I have been feeling since day 1.”

“You don’t have to pass trough it alone. I thought we were going to do it together. You’ve offered to help me out and be here for me, I didn’t think you needed me to offer it back to you, I thought it was obvious. None of us have to pass trough it alone, that’s why we are here back home, so we can have each other. That is why I told Louise to tell PJ and everyone else about it, so if we need someone else, we have our friends to reach. The way you have been doing it, it doesn’t work. You are making me sad, you are suffering, none of us is really living right now. I miss my friend Phil.”

“It’s time to realize that none of us is going to be the same as we were before.” He says, looking in my eyes for the first time since the beginning of our conversation.

“That doesn’t mean that we have to be worse than before. We can be better, right?”

“Yes, we can be better. But thats the point, we need time to get better. You can’t come in here asking for an explanation when I’ve been doing my best since the beginning. I just needed a break so we can move on. I just hope you understand that.” He says, holding my face so I couldn’t move my eyes from his. I know then that I’m wrong on being mad at him, when we are in fact in this together, just dealing with things differently. I feel bad for asking of him more than I should.

“I do. I just missed you.” I say trying to move closer to him, in a way to say sorry. We are hugging each other on the couch.

“I was here all along.” He made sure to assure me while moving his arms around my torso. “Come on, lets go to bed. I’ll go make a pillow fort around the other side of Lizzie and you sleep with me today, I think we could use that.”

“I think we could. I’ll brush my teeth and I’ll meet you in your room then.” I say, getting out of our hug. Before leaving the room I turn back to Phil to say one more thing. “I’m sorry I judged your friendship skills.”

“Thats alright, I’d be judging yours too.” He smiled, leaving the room. I moved to the bathroom to brush my teeth and prepare for bed. I made sure to check on Lizzie and giving her one more blanket before crossing the hallway to enter Phil’s room. The door is open and he is sat on the bed reading one of his Stephen King’s books.

“Haven’t you finished that last year?” I ask, making conversation while getting under his blankets.

“Yep, but I’m reading it again, there are still a few parts that I can’t quite understand, this is just too much for my brain to assimilate in one reading.” He has his glasses on, and seems really focused in his book, so I try to be quiet. I’m moving around trying to get comfortable, but I just can’t. Phil notices it. “Something wrong?”

“I don’t know, I can’t get comfortable. It feels weird not having Lizzie cuddling up to me.” I say, sitting on the bed.

“Do you wanna go back to your room?” He asks, putting the book aside, turining the bed side light off, and slipping under the sheets.

“Not really. She kicks a lot.” I lay down again, turning my body to face him.

“Do you want me to cuddle up to you? I’m a little bit bigger than Lizzie, but that might make you more comfortable.” He offers, turning his head to look at my face. I agree with my head.

“Yeah, I think that would help.”

“Come closer then.” He says, passing an arm around my waist and pulling me closer to his body. I feel him cuddling up to me, his head under my chin, and I automatically feel warmer, a little bit happier. His body is molding around mine, and I pass my arms around him, to keep him in place. It feels normal, it feels good. “If I call you daddy, would that make you happier?” He jokes, I can hear his smile in his voice.

“Calling me daddy might lead both of us to a happy end, if you know what I mean.” I joke back, trying to hide the blush in my face that came with that thought.

“You and I both know that I would be daddy, and you would be the crying baby.” He strikes back, making me laugh.

“Thats really funny Phil. You might be older, but we both know that I’m the daddy here. I’ve never been the one to beg and cry for milk.” I wink, and then realize that he can’t see that I’m winking. “I’m winking, by the way.” He laughs.

“Thanks, good to know that you are winking, that means that you are still awake.” He tries to move the direction of the conversation that he started, we were getting too far, with the lower inhibitions caused by the need of sleep. “We really should sleep though. Lizzie passed out early today, we are going to be up before we can fall into our third dream.” His voice is starting to sound distant and my brain isn’t really functional right now. His bed is comfy, warm, and his body against mine makes me feel like I’m in a personal safe bubble, so I can’t really control what I’m think or saying in this moment.

“I don’t need a third dream, I have you.” And that’s the last thing I say before falling asleep.

Part 11

#my little baby llama #my baby little llama #littlellamalittlelion #mlbl #dan howell #phil lester #dan and phil #phanfiction #phanfic #phan #parent!phan #parent!dan

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sizzlingcrusadebouquetfan-blog · 6 years

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I will be studying my Master in the Boston area, this September. The grad-school health insurance is a little too expensive to me. What would be some companies offering decent and affordable health insurance plans?""

Home insurance for high risk person?

A few months ago my dad had a fire at his house. In the middle of restorations, his insurance company dropped him. I'm not sure why they did, but I know my dad has really bad credit and was probably not very nice to whoever was handling his claim. He said that he is trying to get insurance, but can't find any. I'm wondering if it is because he is a high risk candidate and I am wondering where he can go to get insurance. I will probably be helping him with it from here on out, so I will need to know what kinds of things to say/look for. He is a reitred teacher and doesn't have a ton of money or assets, so I want to make sure he gets good coverage that he can afford. I'm not sure if this helps, but his dad was a veteran who died in a VA hospital when my dad was young. I keep seein things about insurance for family of veterans, but I know very little about it.""

Car insurance rates on honda civics?

I am a 18 year old female(I'll be 19 in a few weeks) living in Florida and just got my permit on December of 2011, and license July of 2012. I am going to the Honda dealership on October 1st with my dad to purchase my first car. We are not to sure if we are going to lease or finance, it all depends on the car rates and the deals they offer. I will be under my moms insurance through Geico. Because I am a first time driver and a girl i know it can be a little expensive. I know I can get discounts by having good grades which is good because I actually did have good grades in high school and currently attending a college. I just want to know estimates of how much I will be paying. Oh yeah, because I will be paying for my insurance. Not my mom nor my dad. I know it also depends on what type of car you have as well. It will be a white civic either 09 or 10. If anyone can help me out that would be great. I look forward to reading your answers. Thanks!""

Car insurance companies accept no claims bonus from Lebanon?

Does anyone know an car insurance company that accepts no claims from international countries? My mother wants to use hers from Lebanon (Asia) to help reduce her quote.

What insurance policies are available for an online real estate business?

How does insurance helps to secure any online business ? What are the prime areas of concern that need to be addressed?

""Is it cheaper to be put on your parents car insurance, or get your own?""

I'm 16 and I need car insurance, would it be cheaper to be put on my parents, or get my own entirely?""

Does any one know a sight where I can get student insurance?

I want to join a sport but I need insurance and I saw some sights but they don't have my school please help

I need to know where i stand with insurance?

basically a guy drove into the side of me and my car is in the garage awaiting assessment to see if its to be written off or fixed. of course the insurance wants whatever is cheapest and its looking like it would be cheaper to write it off. if this happens can i 1. offer to pay more on my excess to get it fixed? 2. get the car picked up and pay for it all myself to get fixed at my own mechanics? its not that the car isn't fixable its just that the insurance is looking at the cheapest option, which looks like writing it off, because my excess is so high, but if they do this i will never be able to afford the insurance, so would rather keep this policy and fix it, anyway is this possible and can anyone find a loophole?""

Accident Advice - Car without insurance?

My friend was driving her car on a busy highway, minding her own business. Suddenly a large SUV hits her rear quarter and pushes her off the road, down a hill, and into a ditch. Apparently, and there were about 10 witnesses to the situation, the driver who hit her was involved in some sort of road-rage war for about 5 miles, ending when she hit my friend's car. My friend is ok, but her insurance had expired on her car. The police didn't ask for her insurance that day. She learned a lesson and has since payed up online, so the insurance co doesn't know about the accident. Both of the drivers involved in the road rage were charged with reckless driving, and one of them even got arrested. Our question is this: she has $1400 in damage to her vehicle. She is willing to pay what she needs to pay to get her car out, just to avoid getting in trouble for driving without insurance. Are there any other options for her?""

What's the point of getting insurance?

It's not like the insurance companies ever pay you anything anyway.

How much insurance should i get?

How much insurance should i consider getting?

Is it legal for an auto insurer to raise your rate without notification and debit that out of your account?

I reside in Texas and have auto debits monthly for my auto insurance. I just checked and they raised my rate this month without telling me and debited the new rate out of my account, but i agreed to debit monthly my rate but was on a lower rate for over 2 years and up until last month. I never got notice, is this legal? Do i have any rights to recover that extra $ they took for a new rate that i was not notified of?""

Can a Judge Verify that You Have Auto Insurance While in Court?

If you show your proof of insurance to the judge how will he know there wasn't a lapse or if you have stopped paying? State of California.

What is the average cost of hormone replacement therapy with and without insurance?

I've fianally decided to begin my transition (male-to-female) and i wanted to know what it would cost to begin HRT. I ask for both with and without insurance because i have a college based insurance plan (SHIP) and i am not sure if it will cover HRT (it covers gender identity counseling so IDK) Thank you all in advance ~<3 P.S. i live in Moscow, Idaho.""

Why do we need auto insurance to drive? In many Asian countries its not legally required?

Why is it a law here in North America to drive with insurance. The federal and provincial Insurance Bureaus regulate these policies and rates and rip people off. Sometimes I think insurance is another form of tax. You can always take someone to the court to claim damages. Why is it that auto insurance is MANDATORY, it should be optional. Here in Toronto, its so expensive.""

How do you adjust a W2 form for group term life insurance?

I'm working on a project for a payroll class. Our company provides group term life insurance to the employees. The group insurance is carried at 1.5x the annual earnings of the employee. The employee pays $.30 for every $1,000 in group life insurance each month to pay the premium. The remaining premium is paid by the employer and debited from an insurance expense account. The whole project, we haven't made any employer premium expense entries. We've only focused on the employee's entries and the credits into the group insurance premiums collected liability account for said deductions. Now, at the end of the year, preparing the W2 forms, I'm at a loss for how to treat this. Is the amount over $50,000 added to the wages, tips and compensation for the income tax paid on it? I've read through the W2 instructions but I just don't understand it that well if someone could explain it.""

Is there any life insurance you can get for stroke victims?

My sister had a massive stroke and she needs life insurance because she may die.

affordable care insurance calculator

Wanted some unbiased opinion on car insurance?

I'm getting a Lotus Elise transferred under my name sometime next week and it will be replacing my MINI Cooper as my daily driver. This car is typically insured as a pleasure car, so most people who own them don't often drive them over 3k miles per year. I'll be doing nearly three times that, so I'm expecting my rates to be little higher than usual just because it'll be my daily driver. So here's my question, may I insure the car as a pleasure or weekend vehicle and still drive it above the mileage that is permitted by my insurance co. ? Also, I'm only 20. I've gotten a quote of $3200 per year to insure as a weekend car, and that's the lowest that I've found so far. I'm expecting something a bit higher to register it as a daily. Feel free to throw in what you would recommend for an insurance company, I'm still shopping for one with a decent rate.""

Cheapest and reliable car insurace company?

how has the lowest quote out under normal circumstances? i know they categorize it based on age,sex, etc. just tell me who has the cheapest insurance.is it really GEICO?""

Cheap Car Insurance?

Whats the cheapest car insurance

Which auto insurance companies offer road side assistance and what exactly do they cover?

Cheap car insurance for people under 25?

I'm trying to find the cheapest car insurance since i'm under 25 in new york. I'm looking to pay no more then 400 a month just don't know where to find a good deal. Please advise

Any reasonable way to get car insurance as a young person?

I'm 18 now, and I've just passed my car test, and bought myself a 2000 Toyota yaris 1Litre (998cc) And have been toying with finding myself some cheap insurance. So far the cheapest I have com accross for me to own my own policy is 2,100 a year, on a car I bought for 600! Obviously I'm doing something wrong. I'm not so keen on having a parent own the policy, as this then results in a loss of building up no claims bonus. I have tried every insurer under the sun, including the co-op smartbox insurance, which still yields unreasonable results.If anyone has any suggestions, I would be thankful Alex""

How can i get cheaper car insurance quotes at 17?

Hi,i have just passed and got my driving license but when i ask for a insurance quote its to expensive and too much! Is there anyway to get me a cheaper insurance quote is there any tricks or advice that can help? Please Please reply""

""What are all the expenses in owning your own SEMI TRUCK plus Trailer? I mean stuff like insurance, plates,?""

I mean stuff like insurance, plates, registration, gas, taxes? On average how much do these costs run? Please name all of them and how much they usually run. Details please, Thanks !""

Where can I find inexpensive health Insurance for an individual?

Can insurance company's raise your deductible without you knowing it?

My Daddy thought he had full homeowners coverage for years with a $250 deductible. He found out last week he wasn't as covered as he thought and his deductible mysteriously rose to $1,000. How could a company do that without notification?""

How much are you paying car insurance NJ?

I just want to know, please answer with how much, every 6 months? age? and any driving history? My mom and I are paying 2000$ 6 months, both of us have had unsafe operation in our driving records. does that sound reasonable to you? I'm really new to this car insurance and trying to know. thanks""

So how long and how much will this type of insurance cost ?

I got rear ended and the guy who hit me is pressuring me - should i get insurance involved?

The person in front of me was tail gating the person ahead of him so I was trying to keep distance and my brakes were on/off. The guy behind me crashed into me from behind. There was minor damage to my car - deep scratches that need a paint job and the left bumper that almost came off. He had a dent in his hood. He was very apologetic claiming it was his fault. He was willing to pay for all the damages and felt very bad about the situation. He said that if insurance gets involved, the higher our rates would go up but said it was all up to me in what I wanted to do. We exchanged information and was willing to fix my car as soon as possible. He called me and did his research in which we would get my car fixed. My back is hurting badly now and I'm going to get it checked now. He just called me up asking if he can meet up again to take pictures of my car. Thing is why would he want to take better pictures of my car? Don't you have to go show the people? I just got off the phone w. him and he said that I have minor damages compared to his dent in the hood. He believes that because I suddenly braked, he braked as well causing his hood to slide under my back.... He pretty much made it seem like what he did was very minor. I didn't meet up w. him b/c my parents drove another car to take me to the Dr. and got upset and was suspicious and accused me of illegal fraud? I killed him back w. kindness and he was being nice saying he wanted to fix my car ASAP. He really scared me last night and I'm feeling pressure b/c he wants to fix it NOW. IS HE POSSIBLY TRYING TO TURN THIS THING AROUND NOW??""

How much would petrol and insurance cost in the UK?

Basically my friend and I are spending about 3 months in the UK and are thinking about buying a car so we can get into the city. We intend to share it and both have licenses but never owned cars before. We could split a car costing about 400 pounds but I was wondering whether it would be worth it? We intend to live just outside of London and work in the city. If we carpool into town eveyrday about how much would petrol and insurance cost us? My friend might keep the car when he goes off to uni.

How much is it to get painting and remodeling permit and insurance in seattle WA?

2000 HONDA CIVIC CAR INSURANCE?

I'm 18 and a girl and have had my license for 2 years. My car insurance is 170$ a month, is that a lot? I don't know much about cars but it doesn't seem right. I only have full coverage for my medical and not my car. I have AAA car insurance. HELP please! I bought my car salvaged also.""

Can my parents add me to their car insurance?

My parents have Allstate car insurance. I have my own car registered in my name. I live with them. Can they add me to their car insurance?

Which of the following medical expenses are deductible for AGI?

#NAME?

Car insurance for new driver that will not drive far..?

HI, I am turning 17 in november, and already looking at cars. The cars i am looking at are getting insurance at over 5000 (im male) a year fully comp! The car is only like 2500..... The thing is i will barely use my car as i live really close to school, so will walk all weekdays - especially as i am banned from parking in school as i live too close. I will occasionally use it on weekends - but if i go out in the evening im not going to take my car - drink driving.. So the only time i will use my car is quite alot in the holidays and very occasionally on some weekends, and therefore think 5k for a few car trips is ridiculous.. So is there any form of insurance where you pay for how far you drive? BTW the cars i was loooking at are 1L's, peugeots and vauxhalls mainly. These ok? Im looking at nothing over 60,000 miles and 7 years old max - i think i will do 3000 max a year. IM looking to sped about 2500 on a car, but need cheaper insurance than that! Hope you can help Many Thanks""

Where to find really cheap car insurance?

I want to buy a $200 car mainly to run it into my friend's $200 car (kind of like playing bumper cars with real cars). I need a really cheap insurance that will basically only allow this car to be legal. I don't plan on making any claims on it or using it for anything other than playing around on private property. Only want to make it road legal. Any suggestions? I am looking for something under 50$ per month

Is a 2002 cadillac deville cheaper to insure than 1995 mercedes S420?

Is a 2002 cadillac deville DTS 4 door 4.6L northstar V8 @70,000 miles cheaper to insure and repair than 1995 mercedes S420 4 door @199,000 miles?""

Does anyone know a insurance company that insures assembled motorcycles?

i just purchased a 2008 assembled harley but am having a hard time finding an insurance company that deals with these! if anyone has one of these custom bikes please let me know, i want to get it insured so we can ride this weekend!!!!!!!""

Where can I find good life insurance leads?

I got my life insurance license several months ago and have yet to sell a single policy because I can't find any decent leads. I'm looking for exclusive leads. I don't want to share them with other agents.

""I'm looking for orthodontic insurance in california?? Can't find any, any suggestions??""

ok, i want to get invisalign, but can't find any insurance in california for it, can you please help me find one??""

""Looking for good, yet affordable dental insurance. (Have health insurance -- only need dental)?""

Looking for good, yet affordable dental insurance. (Have health insurance -- only need dental)?""

affordable care insurance calculator

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/fast-car-insurance-quote-gregory-gordon/"

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