#i did. learn from that blog that she only identified as a lesbian for like a year which honestly from the way ppl talk about this story | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

goddamnwebcomics · 11 months

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Gay People vs. Webcomics: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

This will be a different kind of article thingy. It is Pride Month, so naturally, I feel like I should talk about gay people in webcomics. Yes, I identify as a homosexual (former bisexual) myself, and also gay people have appeared most frequently in these webcomics.

The Good:

There’s a reason I wanted to save this article for late June, it’s because of Burke. While I sadly doubt we’ll ever see followup on his and Sulfur’s relationship, the little amounts we’ve gotten is somehow better than most of the shit in the mainstream. Burke and Sulfur weren’t in an abusive relationship, but their relationship wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. They disagreed with eachother’s philosophies which is why it didn’t work out, but neither of them carry ill will to this day. I liked Burke before but this whole scene turned him into one of my favourite characters in this comic. Burke starts off as rather generic gay guy, he has a crush on Matt and they never openly admit he’s gay, but overtime he not only becomes the most competent member of Matt’s group, he’s also excellent at calling out other people for their shit, like he did with Carson. It’s sad that someone as out of touch with reality as Albert could write a better gay character than any Hollywood writer ever combined.

Thankfully Burke is not the token gay of Albertverse, on the Kit n Kay Boodle side of things we have Squinx and Snowicet. Although they’re the only true gay couple we see in Yiffburg, they’re much more mature than rest of Yiffburg’s manchild population. They do get their own arc where they help Dee Muir to overcome her fear of boinkberries. Rereading that arc, they do both have unique personalities, unfortunately it’s ruined by Squinx putting his dick inside Dee Muir at one point but still, these two are way better than rest of the comic, and the only lesbian couples we see in Yiffburg are Bill Blaine’s rats and even then they’re bisexuals and do nothing besides licking each other’s pussies.

Speaking of lesbians, it’s time to discuss the bad stuff.

The Bad:

When it comes to LGBTQ+ rep, Lesbians are overused, not just in the mainstream but also in webcomics, and there’s a reason I’ve been calling them a webcomic cliche since this blog first started. I’m sure there are well-written lesbian characters but I haven’t run into one yet.

Arguably the most prominent gay couple in this blog are Spinnerette and Mecha Maid, I’ve explained about a hundred times why this couple sucks. Mecha Maid is more of an object for Spinny than a source of affection and it seems Mecha Maid lost all of her personality and ability to criticise Heather after they hooked up permanently. Outside of the times this comic introduces a homophobic villain, this relationship is no big deal. Honestly this couple is the biggest wasted opportunity in this blog’s history, since if Kraw wasn’t a hack we would’ve gotten a really tragic couple whose story we could’ve been invested in. But no, MORE PORN COMICS FEFEFEFEH

Marilyn here is not the only girl after Spinny’s clit, there’s also Sarah Nicole, after being indoctrinated into the homophobic church, we learn she is secretly a repressing lesbian, and in fact she becomes somewhat of a stalker for Heather. This angle of Sarah Nicole servers nothing besides making her another porn comic fodder character. It really is a shame because Heather’s chemistry is Sarah Nicole is way better than her chemistry with Mecha Maid, it’s one of the ONLY times she was actually likable!

But moving on from Spinnerette, it’s time to go into another superhero comic. Tsuki is labeled as a lesbian despite being fucking bisexual, and that shows you how much of a moron Dumok is. She treats Kriti as her “girlfriend” but they’re always fighting and arguing, they only bond because of Llew spanking Tsuki or something. There is some attempt at drama as the villain Bittersweet hates lesbians, but her only response to Tsuki being a lesbian is NOOOOOOOO and then she disappears. While Tsuki is one of the worst characters ever, the fetishist treatment of her lesbianity is expected. What I’m saying is, she could be WAY worse, how worse?

The Ugly:

For a comic that tries to be Mookie’s justice serving Banksy protest piece about the evils of government, sports players, paying customers and Orc Haters, the way it treats the comic’s token gay, Szark, is something right out of homophobe’s playbook. Szark starts as a depraved bisexual, but after his wife who tried to kill him dies, he develops a crush on Deegan. He somehow becomes a ridiculously exaggerated gay guy which is a real shame because his character is otherwise decent. He imagines Luna as a temptress and iirc, he has lewd fantasies about Dominic. But once Dominic pukes, pisses and shits his pants he realizes he no longer loves Dominic. It remains to be seen if he will be improved and become a decent character again, but I doubt it.

At least Szark’s love was never implied to be non-consensual, that is not the case with Bowser from Roommates, whose first action is harassing the hideous creature that is VeERGHmon and then he finds him masturbating in his room, and rapes him. And that’s how they fall in love. Yeah, even if VeERGHmon is a sleep paralysis demon he doesn’t deserve to get raped. This whole comic feels super homophobic in general, even the homophobes are homophobic! Wait...I mean, the treatment of homophobes is based on homophobic assumptions that every person who hates gay people must be secretly gay, look no further than Olly and Mondo. We see Olly in the main comic as a guy who brings a little bit of bigotry into the world where no women seem to exist, after an intense Rapist vs. Bigot fight the duo leaves, but Mondo has a pretty decent apology scene after the whole incident, which paints the duo as troubled individuals...and then an Addendum arrives which reveals Olly and Mondo were gay all along. I can’t remember why these two became homophobes to begin with but I’m sure the reason didn’t match any semblance of reality and psychology that exists. And the worst thing is these characters were actually written by gay people. I don’t think Spelunker Sal and Dreamous are “internalized homophobes” or whatever that stupid buzzword is, I just think they’re out of touch with reality.

And yet, YET, YET, these aren’t the bottom of the barrel when it comes to gay characters. For that we must go outside the radius of this blog, and into the horrible world of SuperSaiyanCrash. Yes, Cora Bandicoot should stand out as an example on how to not do a gay character. Cora is a nudist and a molester, she harasses every single woman she comes across, and there was even a cut scene where she gropes a character without the creator’s consent. She claims to be lesbi-err, lesbain, but she also ends up getting impregnated by Goku (Richie’s selfinsert) and thus raises two children, who also end up becoming lesbians. I don’t go “yikes sweetie this is homophobic” that easily, but I feel this character is so offensive the only way she could be more offensive is if she wore a blackface. Cora’s creator is a homophobe who only hated male gay people but liked lesbians because “they were hot”, which perfectly describes the mindset behind most of these characters. They’re stereotypical and presented as overly sexual characters, which has done lasting damage to gay community.

Thankfully I haven’t run into any “zoomer gay” characters, but that might change in the coming years.

#article thingy

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ghoulangerlee · 9 months

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if i could ask without it being rude. . .

what/when did you realize you were nonbinary?

lately i've been wondering if the gender binary fits for me and i was just hoping you might have some answers or guidance or something

anon this is not rude at all! i am always open to talk about my experiences with gender identity! thank you so much for feeling safe enough to come to me, I do hope my answer sheds some light on things for you.

please excuse any spelling errors bc I am currently typing with one eye open haha. (also under a read more bc i got wordy sorry I hope this helps!! I'm here for you anon!!)

So, I was about 19 when I realized that 'girl' didn't really fit me? Looking back I think it might have always been like this, but I grew up in a small southern town where the only out gay person was bullied so relentlessly that he left town and we never saw him again.

So, 19, I come across this tumblr account that centered heavily on genderfluidity, and for a while that identity felt safe to me? I've always been more masculine leaning in general, from a very young age and at the time (this was 2011) genderfluid seemed right. I would fluidly slip between masc and fem and it all felt comfortable and safe and nothing like I'd ever experienced before. Small town me finding out there was more than just gay, lesbian, bi and trans? (trans here in the sense of transgender like, trans man or trans woman).

So yeah, I think at that point for me though, I just lost my mom, I was dealing with a lot of stuff and I didn't have the bandwidth to look too far into anything beyond something that finally made sense in my brain. So while I do still stand by me ID'ing as genderfluid for a few years, it never actually felt right. And you know? That's okay. It was sort of a stepping stone for me, I think. To look more into other gender identities. Because at that time, beyond genderfluid I only knew of trans men and trans women, in like I guess the binary gender sense?

To preface this, I know that definitions of transgender has changed over the years, this is just my personal experience with all of this, which is why some of it may come off as idk outdated?

Anyway, while I ID'd as genderfluid, I went by a masculine nickname and still used she/her pronouns just because I didn't really consider using anything else. Someone once referred to me using he and that sorta felt okay? But also not...right? At the same time. Like it felt better than she, but in the sense that it was a little off to the left of better. Not a perfect fit, but an okay one.

Honestly I could probably dig deep enough on my blog and maybe find some ramblings from that time if I tried hard enough, though I can't for the life of me figure out what I'd have tagged it haha.

So, I don't exactly remember what finally brought on nonbinary other than once I told someone that I didn't really feel like a person? I felt more like a genderless blob so to speak, and that she/her and he/him didn't really feel right to me.

And that friend was like 'well what about they?'

And then someone referred to me using they and everything sort of clicked into place right after that.

My experiences with gender have been quite turbulent, in the past I've dealt with heavy gender dysphoria because I had this idea in my mind that I needed to look androgynous in order to identify as nonbinary. That I wasn't nonbinary enough if I had tits. I binded for several years and fucked my ribs up with it because I am also fat. So, in I would say 2013 is when I finally started using nonbinary? So internet culture led me to believe I needed to be thin and have a flat chest in order to be the right kind of nonbinary, because otherwise I was just a woman.

I still get called she/her in my real life, other than my husband and our friend who both use they/them when referring to me. But, I've learned these past several years that nonbinary doesn't look a certain way? That I don't have to be more masculine leaning in order to ID that way. It feels right, when people use they/them and when they call me Lee, which is why I typically introduce myself that way, other than doctor's offices, and other official places use my birth name.

It took a lot of growing for me, because I had so many negative ideas about femininity and how I could also navigate that while being nonbinary. I refused to wear makeup for the longest time because I thought that that meant I was just faking it, and being a woman.

I've always wanted to be feminine but in the same way that like, a masculine person can be feminine, I guess? So like, in a 'cis man wears a dress and makeup' sort of way if that makes sense.

And I had this idea that I couldn't do that, otherwise I was just a fake nonbinary person?

What ultimately helped me was in 2016/2017 when I worked for Home Depot, my head cashier actually lead a local lgbt+ group and she immediately latched onto me not being straight or cis. Again, this was the south so there was a little bit of growing pains, we all ended up sitting down and talking about gender identity, I talked with some older people who were nonbinary and it opened my mind to start viewing things in a way that like, helped me, I guess?

Like, yeah, makeup is traditionally worn by a woman, but because I am not a woman, wearing makeup does not make me a woman. Just as wearing traditionally masculine clothing, does not make me a man. It just makes me a person wearing make up or a person wearing clothing.

I think overall, if I would have stayed on the internet and kept listening to those people who say that you have to look/be a certain way in order to be nonbinary, I wouldn't have probably reconciled my own issues with how I perceived myself vs nonbinary.

Overall, I'd say start small, the first thing I did was use neutral pronouns, this isn't to say you can't use neopronouns if those feel right to you, or use something like he/they or she/they bc a lot of nonbinary people do that too.

It's okay to experiment with gender. It's okay to tell your friends that you want to be referred to using only neutral pronouns, or a set neopronouns, or what have you. See how that feels.

Take a step back and look at how you perceive certain things, when I was finally able to let go of the idea that things had to be gendered, and that those gendered things only fit one particular gender, it made things so much easier for me.

I stopped hating my chest. Like I'd said earlier, I binded for a while, and it was so uncomfortable, but I Felt like I had to just because of what I'd heard the uh "gatekeepers of gender" say. But now? finding a bra that fits nicely and accentuates my chest? Euphoric.

None of that makes me a woman. I am just a person, and I like things.

Living in the south, good luck with me trying to ever explain this to people around here. So I'm out, but I'm not explicitly out I guess. If people clock it? Good for them. If not? Oh well. I don't really correct people on my pronouns, just because I've finally reached a point where I'm okay with it. My sister and brother in law still call me by my birth name and that's fine too. Because in my head, my name is Lee and my birth name is just a nickname that they have for me.

And again, all of this came with time. With several years. I started this when I was 19 and I'm 31 now, so it took a decent chunk. It's important that you've got a good support system too. And honestly, I'm here for you anon. If you ever need to talk, or vent or anything, my askbox is open. If you wanna come off anon and dm me? Sure.

I can even give you my discord if you'd prefer that.

Navigating gender can be scary, but, it'll be okay. <3

#ask replies #sweet anon ive got your back

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the-mira-life-project-mtf · 2 years

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(2021) A Yearly Gender Dysphoria Review

December, 2021

BASELINE QUESTIONS

Given Name: David Joseph

Desired Name: Mira

Legal Name: Mira Carleen

Desired Gender: Female

Legal Gender: Female

LGBT Status: Transgender Woman

Relationship Status: Single

1) How Long Have You’ve Been On HRT (Without stopping more than a week)?

A: 39 Months (Enrolled In The Program) and 37 Months of compliance with HRT.

2) How Long Have You Been Going By The Name Mira?

A: 30 Years (Personally)

3) How Long Have You Been ‘Mira’ Legally?

A: 3 Years

4) How Long Have You Identified As Female?

A: About 30 Years (Personally)

5) How long have you’ve been legally Female?

A: 3 Years Now

6) Do You Regret Your Decision To Transition?

A: Never! I’ve been quite happy with my transition to female. I have found that appearing and identifying as female has released my stress and tension that I once felt as David.

7) How Long Have You Known That You Were Transgender (LGBT)?

A: I never learned about the transgender community, until my late years in collage (2004). Before then, I thought my dysphoria was a disease that I should be ashamed of. I didn’t start considering that I might have been transgender until the year 2016. I legally had to sign documents, labeling I was transgender in 2018 (Cedar River Clinics).

The diagnosis of ‘Male-to-Female Transgender’ and ‘Gender Dysphoria’ were not established until 2019.

LGBT QUESTIONS

1) On The LGBT Spectrum, Where Do You Fall; Gender-Wise?

A: Female

2) On The LGBT Spectrum, Where Do You Fall; Sexual-Wise?

A: Lesbian / Interested In Women

3) When Did You Realize That The Term Transgender-Woman Referred To You?

A: At the beginning of 2019 when I began considering legally changing my name from David to Mira. The catalysis that solidified the term was when I decided to make a full gender transition from male to female and began considering surgical intervention to make this a possibility.

Because of these changes, I feel that I can no longer label myself neither as ‘gender-fluid’ or ‘non-conforming’; which were my first labels (2018).

4) When Did You Realize That The Term Lesbian Referred To You?

A: Around February 2019 when I rekindled my relationship with my girlfriend. We considered the aspect of our relationship, and because I yearn to become female legally, physically, and sexually…it would transform our relationship status from male & female to female & female.

July 2020, I tried to solidify my sexuality as a Lesbian, but I don’t think my girlfriend is comfortable with my decision.

In 2021, I consider myself Lesbian, only privately. As I am not sexually active, and the term really doesn’t apply until I have my vulvoplasty. Even then, I would be Lesbian in a relationship, but not sexually.

5) Are You Comfortable Using The Term ‘LGBT’, Or Calling Yourself A Transgender-Woman; And / Or A Lesbian?

A: Personally, I don’t like labels. I will use the term LGBT when writing on forums or speaking to my physicians. But it isn’t a term I use openly in public.

As for the label of Lesbian, I avoid that word. I don’t like it as it implies that I am sexually active with another woman. I am not even in a relationship!

6) Are You Currently Active In The Trans Community Or LGBT Community?

A: Not physically, but I want to become active in the future. COVID has blocked all community meetings at this time, in my area. I do however still post to my Transgender blog about my research and updates.

7) Have You Reached Out To A LGBT Center For Help?

A: No. I have not needed the assistance of a LGBT Center since 2017. My last communication was to the main LGBT Center in Seattle, but they were not helpful. Personally, LGBT Centers are pointless.

8) Who Was The First Person You Talked To, About Being Transgender?

A: Unofficially, that would have been my girlfriend, Ruth.

Before I started HRT, I mentioned to her that I thought that I might be gender-fluid or gender nonconforming. She replied that she had suspicions that I might be transgender as I always associated as female in our relationship. She also thought I might be asexual due to my displeasure in intimacy.

9) What Is Something Positive About Being Transgender?

A: It isn’t the same for every person, but being Trans has allowed me to accept my feminine nature without apology for my physical sexual appearance. Before transitioning, I was very unhappy with my life. I believe my displeasure had a negative effect on my overall mental and physical health.

With the aid of being male-to-female transgender, I’ve been allowed to conform to the mental image in my mind, and not be afraid to my empathic and intuitive.

10) What Are Some Fears About Being Transgender?

A: There are many fears that come along with not being transgender, but with dysphoria. My greatest fear that I have dealt with in 2021 was the fear of someone finding out that I am not completely female. It has driven my need to finalize my metamorphosis.

I feel this fear amplified if I wear tight fitting pants or go swimming. I am almost certain that nothing would happen, but I don’t want to risk it.

11) How Do You Manage Your Dysphoria?

A: In 2021, I’ve managed my dysphoria with committing to the program, having my regular medical checkups, seeing a psychologist monthly (since July), writing stories and blog posts, and being truthful of my feminine nature.

12) What Steps Have You’ve Done To Further Your Compliance And Develop Your Feminine Identity?

A: In Jan 2021, I was still healing from my Facial Feminization (10-2020) and was preparing for my Breast Augmentation (1-4-2021). I’ve been complying with my healing regiments by exercising the tissue in both breasts to reduce scar tissue (capsular contracture) from forming around the implants, and to help encourage blood flow to give the breasts a soft and flexible nature.

By 4-2021, my implants finally fluffed out and settled by 7-2021.

I did a month of vocal feminization, but discontinued due to poor quality of service.

I also began the application work to have my consultation with Dr. Dy at OHSU to discuss vulvoplasty. In preparations for this possible surgery (up to a year away, possible, due to COVID); I have hired a psychologist to review my mental health every month.

It is my hopes that after building a trust with her, I can depend on her greatly, after my post-opts. I have read many reports on the psychological aftermath of GRS(SRS) and want to have all my bases covered.

Lastly, in 10-2021, I enrolled in a Japanese Dance Academy that teaches me feminine manners, body movement, and etiquette.

13) How Have You’ve Embraced Your Transgender Identity?

A: I’ve embraced my transgender identity by embracing my feminine identity. I’ve pushed my past aside and look to the future. I understand that I have a male physiology, but I don’t let that interfere with my happiness as being emotionally and chemically female.

14) How Do You Feel About The LGBT Laws Where You Live?

A: Washington is quite friendly to the LGBT. According to a 2019 Gallup Poll, roughly 5.2% (342,000) people are on the spectrum. We have Nondiscrimination laws for both sexual orientation and gender identity. It is also unlawful to discriminate against a person who is trans; which is nice.

By law, healthcare cannot deny or discriminate against a person’s gender identity (but sexual orientation is only protected under private insurance laws). Overall, my experience with healthcare is about 50/50.

In June of 2021, Gov. Inslee signed the LGBT Pride Month proclamation, giving the month of June as Pride Month to the LGBT.

Starting Jan 2022, health insurance companies operating in Washington will be required by law to cover gender affirming surgeries and care (SB 5313). This will be a great relief to many, as I’ve experienced denial-of-care by the insurance for both FFS and BAS. I privately fought each denial and overturned them with my methodology, gaining full coverage for the procedure.

15) What Are Your Views On The Cis-Gendered Community?

A: Unchanged. Cis-gendered individuals, like myself before 2017, can also be transgender without showing it. And actually, most people will experience some form of gender dysphoria in their lifetime.

I prefer to look at the Trans and Cis communities as equal; but different when it comes to dysphoria.

BODY-TYPE (DYSPHORIA) QUESTIONS

1) Facial Features (Desired)

A: Completely feminine.

In 2020, I finally was able to have my masculine traits reduced. Dr. Nuara wasn’t all to thrilled to do everything in one surgery, but to my shock at the moment of pre-opts, he did everything (plus more) to give me the face that I wanted.

The surgery took over eight hours to complete!

The areas worked on, were the areas that I was most concerned about:

A) The brow was shaved down. The sinus plate was removed and shaved down too, and fused back to the skill with titanium fasteners.

B) The orbital rims were reduced to open up my eyes; but I am unsatisfied with the results on the right eye.

C) My hairline was brough down to undo male pattern baldness.

D) My lips were brought out to give them a fuller appearance. The philtrum was reduced, bringing my upper lip closer to my nose.

E) My chin was shaved to cut down the sharp angle.

2) Hair Features (Desired)

A: I am trying to grow my hair to the point that it covers beyond my nipples. That will be a perfect length that I would like to achieve.

I prefer straight hair, but mine is naturally wavy and does not straighten well. I have been blonde for almost 18 months. I have decided to returned to a darker color in December of 2021. I plan to return to blonde in June of 2022.

3) Neck Features (Desired)

A: I prefer a neck that is slender and feminine in appearance.

I had my neck tightened during my facial feminization, removing the second chin below. Slender and feminine.

4) Shoulders Features (Desired)

A: Shoulders typically are not one of my areas that trigger my dysphoria. I have a wide width to my chest, and thus, my shoulders are around 17 inches apart.

I prefer to keep them toned and with no long hairs (which really isn’t a problem either, as hair doesn’t grow there).

5) Upper Arms (Desired)

A: The upper arms are not typically one of my dysphoria areas.

With the use of hormones, my upper arm width went from 16 inches (muscular) to 14 inches (toned). I’ve certainly noticed that lifting things isn’t as easy as it was before!

6) Lower Arms (Desired)

A: Again, not one of the areas that I am overly concerned with. I keep my hands and lower arms shaved, as I don’t like body hair. I use to paint my nails, but only done so, about three times this year.

7) Back (Desired)

A: One of the worst places for body hair was my back! It was so embarrassing! Yes, after hormones, the hair had thinned, shorted to around .5cm and turned blonde. It was one of the greatest, welcomed surprises of my HRT.

8) Chest & Breasts (Desired)

A: Like my back, my chest was heavily influenced by male hormones, becoming quite hairy in the process. Hormones only reduced the hair by about 30%, the thickest is still over the sternum. The darkest is around the areolas. Hair growth on the breasts has dramatically slowed down to maybe .3cm per two weeks.

In Jan 2021, I grew to around a full B-cup (46/48), but fit comfortably in a C-Cup during the growth cycles.

After surgery, I was raised to a DD/DDD-Cup (46/51) with an implant of 640cc, each.

About five months after my surgery, I underwent a sudden a quite painful growth period that swelled my breasts from 51 inches to 54 inches. Since December of 2021, my breasts have not shrunken down, remaining around 54 inches (full bust measurement). This was actually glandular development, as I’m develop ‘atop’ the implants, making them hard to feel during daily massages.

At this moment, my new D-bras that I bought (and fit nicely) now are too small, as I overflow. It is likely that I will need to find a bra that is G/H Size.

at 46/53.

I will be returning to see Dr. Schmitt in 2024 for a checkup on the implants.

9) Belly And Waist (Desired)

A: The belly and waist are not triggers of my dysphoria, only annoyances from poor diet choices. Only thing that I desire to modify is the removal of any hair that grows on my belly.

10) Buttock (Desired)

A: The buttock wasn’t something that I was overly concerned about. Yet, hormones caused some amusing and feminine transformations to take hold.

At the beginning, my hips/buttock measurement were around 49.5/50 inches. Today, around 54.5 inches. I can certainly tell that my buttock has nearly doubled in size; as I had a rather diminished subcutaneous fat layer, but very wide feminine-like hips.

Since then, my buttock has toned with a lovely upside-down heart shape.

11) Upper Thighs (Desired)

A: Upper thighs are not really a concern of mine. Due to my build, height and abnormally larger hips (in cis-males), I will always carry a little extra weight in this region. Oddly though, I’ve lost inches here; from 30-inch diameter to 26.5 inches in diameter

12) Lower Legs (Desired)

A: No changes are desired here; I am pretty happy with them. I only wish to keep them shaved for wearing skirts.

13) Feet (Desired)

A: Feet are ugly, no matter what you do with them. I have no desire to change them though.

14) Hands (Desired)

A: No desired physical change.

In July of 2021, I stopped having my nails painted due to COVID restrictions and contracting a painful infection in my left big toe, just after having my toenails painted. It took one year to defeat that infection!

15) Genitalia (Desired)

A: Of all the parts that I don’t like talking about, or writing about; it would certainly be the genitalia.

Ever since I was nine years old, I’ve always had a disconnect with the genitalia that I was forced to have. It was gross having a penis on my body—it just felt that it didn’t belong there!

The best way I can describe it: Imagine waking every morning to the wrong genitalia that makes you want to vomit with the idea that you might have to use it. Even talking about it, on my own body is like undergoing shock therapy—makes my stomach clinch so badly that it screws up my digestive system for a week!

My main dysphoria is my penis—I will not allow myself to become intimate with another, choosing isolation and loneliness to hide my shame. I wear clothing that especially covers this region; careful every day to be certain that its imprint does not show.

Using the restroom, showering, undressing—it is a nightmare. I’ve trained myself never to look or look in reflective surfaces as I can’t take the blasphemy that I was cursed to carry! This is what I deal with when it comes to my sexuality, and why I’ve became asexual in nature.

Mentally, I expect to see female genitalia when I wake. It is hard to put in words, but it seems natural to me to have a vagina, clitoris, and labia. In my mind, it is perfect symmetry—perfect balance. It is the only form that I feel comfortable revealing if I am in a serious relationship or at the hospital.

With my surgical consultation coming up in less then a month, I have rather detailed results that I wish to see in post-opts.

Since I am not sexually attracted to men, I feel that having a full vaginoplasty is like buying a yacht on Mars, pointless and useless. The upkeep for a transgender woman with a vaginoplasty is really taxing and exhaustive with a higher risk for infection.

Secondly, my choice against a vaginoplasty is the painful requirement of having hair removal in the genitalia. This would absolutely devastate me! First, I am not comfortable with my own genitalia, so why would I wish to expose them to a stranger for them to touch! Secondly, the pain! I’ve had laser on my face, neck, and chest—and even with numbing cream, it is barely tolerable!

It is because of these reasons that I’ve decided to only have a vulvoplasty; though I am open to doing a minimal-depth vaginoplasty for dysphoric reasons. (Also, having the title ‘vaginoplasty’ might help with the mental adjustment of actually having a vagina, and not just a flat void).

Appearance is very important to me. I am my biggest critic, and if I think that it looks fake, or mutilated; I fear this would only lead to future problems.

I have no need for a deep canal, but I would like my pseudo-vagina to be between 1.5-2 inches in depth. This will be big enough to maintain the illusion and use in stimulation.

I plan to ask for a vulvoplasty with the maximum possible depth possible for the pseudo-vagina without the full depth as seen in a vaginoplasty. I will be seeing Dr. Dy at OHSU on January 26th 2022 to discuss these questions.

MENTAL/PHYSICAN EVALUATION QUESTIONS

Aspects Of The Feminized Brain

1) Have You’ve Grown Fond Of The Color Pink?

A: Yes. I now have two pink shirts that I wear many times a year. I find that the color pink is very useful in emphasizing my feminine nature when I am having a difficult day with my dysphoria.

2) Have You’ve Noticed Any New Scents Coming Off Your Body?

A: Not recently. I’ve adjusted to the new scents of my pheromones.

3) Have You’ve Notice Any Scent Sensitivities Since Transitioning? (New Question For 2021)

A: Oh yes! My tolerances for scents have dramatically changed! Before, I could tolerate some of the worst scents possible: like sewage, rotten eggs, or mold. Now, these same scents cause me to nearly vomit.

4) Have You Subconsciously Used ‘Female Pronouns’ In Describing Yourself?

A: Yes. It is weird to think of myself as ‘he’, ‘him’, or ‘male’. I first noticed this new way of thinking when I tried to describe my past during therapy. I stumbled over the pronouns, wanting to use female pronouns instead of male. I paused thinking: ‘Well, that was weird!’

I also have noticed that my dreams have begun to change too! I see myself now mainly as female with female pronouns. It was very weird, as I am not in control of my subconscious thoughts.

5) Have You Started ‘Mentally Seeing’ Yourself Only As A Female?

A: Yes. It isn’t something that I dwell on; but one day, I was looking at photos and when I saw my old self, it was like looking at a stranger. Typically, I have always mentally saw myself as female, long before HRT. It is this female personality that has taken over.

6) Has Your Demeanor Become ‘Feminine?’

A: Yes! I notice that I still walk masculine from time to time; but I’ve taken up Japanese ‘feminine’ dance to enforce a feminine demeanor. My sensei is really nice in helping me behave like a proper female (Japanese temper). I’ve noticed that 1.5 months into the program, my walk and demeanor has changed to a more graceful gait.

7) Have You Expressed A More Feminine Approach When Talking? (New Question For 2021)

A: Yes, I find that when I am relaxed, I will slip into an in-between state where I emphasize my words with a feminine manner, with an androgynous vocal tone. However, when I am out in public; I am more tense and very careful with my voice.

8) Have You Been Drawn To Appreciate Cute-Looking Things, With An Emotional/Empathic Attachment? (New Question For 2021)

A: I added this question, as this is something new that I’ve discovered about myself this year. I found that when seeing cute stuff animals, cute anime characters, baby animals, baby children, or cute moment on TV; I feel overly emotional about it, sometimes acting a bit ‘girly’.

I believe that this behavior is tied to my once buried feminine nature. I did some research and found that many transwomen experience this also.

9 Have You’ve Experienced PMS-Like Symptoms? (New Question For 2021)

A: I believe so.

I notice that my body seems to cycle with the lunar cycle. Since being on hormones, it has become apparent that something odd has changed.

It is almost like clockwork, five days of misery. Usually, my first warning of the cycle is tender breasts, followed by stomach pain, feeling tired, bloated, and moody.

I’ve tried to mend the pain with Tylenol and home remedies, but nothing had helped. I might want to try something like Midol to see if it helps. Usually, I just use hot showers and lots of rest.

As much as I hate feeling this way monthly, I take solace in the idea that I am being empathetic with the females of my family. Considering empathy as being a dominate feminine trait: being empathic could be a link that aligns all the females of my family to syncing up their cycles, one after the other.

10) Have You’ve Experienced Crying At Any Sad Moment? For Example, TV, Movie, Music, etc. (New Question For 2021)

A: Oh my gosh, yes!

Before my transition, I hardly shed a tear—for it was forbidden! I remember that I was so emotionless that I didn’t even weep at my grandfather’s funeral until later that night.

Now, it seems that anything with a sad, or emotional moment will have me in tears. I’ve even tried not to cry, but usually never win that game. I find that the hardest cries come when I am feeling someone else’s pain, even if they are not real.

Some media that I avoid in public (as they are instant crying) is Johnny Cash’s song ‘Hurt’. Movies likes: Your Voice, Weathering With You, Only The Brave, A Silent Voice, When Marnie Was There, Archive.

11) Have You’ve Been Looking At The Other Sex, After Two Years Being On Hormones? (New Question For 2021)

A: Yes. I notice that just prior to my cycle; I seem to become infatuated with men. It is a weird emotional feeling, as I am not sexually attracted to men; I just feel connected to them emotionally. Wanting to be held and protected.

12) Have You’ve Noticed Any Cravings For Certain Salty Foods? (New Question For 2021)

A: Yes. I had to do some deep research to learn of a cause.

I always have craved salt, but recently, it’s been an obsession! Like I can’t get enough!

If I am not controlling what I consume, I can eat an entire jar of pickles. This is possibly due to spironolactone.

These food changes have reached new levels of ‘weirdness’ as I never liked vinegar; but spilled tarragon white vinegar on my hand and licked it, finding it actually good.

Feminized Aspects Of Social Influence

1) What Cup Size Do You ‘Want’ Your Breasts To Be?

A: D-cup is my ideal size.

I am already between D and DD(E)-cup size. It is a quite large size; resulting in many of my shirts not fitting well.

Secondly, I’ve found that D-cup puts a great deal of stress on the back. It is also difficult to sleep as they are large (but not impossible to cope with).

My ideal size would be between D-E as C-cup is disproportionate to my frame; and anything over E-cup just sounds absolutely uncomfortable!

My main goal that I had, before surgery was:

1) If laying down, I don’t want my breasts to simply disappear like they use to

2) If without a bra, I can still wear a dress and look ‘full’

3) Natural appearance!

2) Has Your Sexuality Changed?

A: I don’t think so.

I know that something hormonally has made me acceptive of having a FTM or MTF mate. However, I am not interested in cis-men. I prefer a female relationship, both sexually and intimate.

3) Do You Feel Sexually-Active As A Woman Right Now?

A: No…I still have my penis.

I know that I want to experience feeling sexual, as a woman…and my body seems to be changing the thresholds of pleasure from the groin to the breasts. They seem to be my new drive. I know that I have been asked if I want to experience sex as a man, just before losing my penis in surgery; but that thought makes me want to vomit!

4) Has Your Attention To Beauty Changed From The Time You Were A Cis-Male?

A: Yes.

I seem obsessed about my hair! I am also very observant to what I am wearing and how I appear to other people. I have not needed makeup much this year, thanks to the mask laws here in Washington.

5) Do You Desire Fuller Lips?

A: Yep…and have them!

6) Has Transitioning Enhanced Your Desire To Be A Parent?

A: Yes. Mainly to nurture a new generation! But I am turned away from the society that we are experiencing right now. Considering that I am sterile (before HRT), if I was in a relationship where my partner and I want a child, I’d probably adopt.

7) How Do You Navigate The Concept Of Sex While Being Dysphoric?

A: I don’t. I tried to open a consensual relationship with Ruth in 2020; but it was a terrible experience! I would like a deep consensual experience after my genital surgery.

8) Do You Believe That Your Brain Has Been Feminized?

A: I know science is still out on debating regarding this topic; but I have to say yes. As a scientist, I observe my transition from an emotional side and a logical side. I’ve noticed that my empathy and emotions are almost 100% heightened from when I was a male! I cry at the silliest of sad moments, and find that I am becoming attracted to ‘cute’ things.

I find enjoyment in watching romantic movies, as it is an emotional rollercoaster. I also notice that my speech and behavior has changed, becoming feminine.

My mental cognition really hasn’t changed much from before to now—I’ve always had a dominate creative empathic side, and a dominate (yet weakened) logical side (as reflected in my grades).

CULTURAL CHALLENGES (FOR TRANS-WOMEN)

1) Have You Been Outed For Being Transgender This Year?

A: Not this year.

2) Have You Been Misgendered This Year?

A: Yes, but only by my grandmother. I think she does it on purpose.

3) Have You Been Physically Harmed Or Abused, Because You Are Transgender?

A: No.

4) Have You Been Mentally Harmed Or Abused Because You Are Transgender?

A: Yes. Sometime the words unspoken to cut like a thousand knives. Actually, went writing this report for the end of the year assessment, I had to deal with the psychological harm that came from my grandmother. She heard about my appointment and was very rude and disrespectful, behind my back.

5) Have Your Family Fully Accepted Who You Are?

A: Mostly. They respect me for being female and calling me by my name. Many members of my family either don’t understand, are arrogant, or hurtful.

6) How Do You Deal With Being Misgendered By Cis-People?

A: I brush it aside. Confrontation isn’t what I feel comfortable doing. I prefer to live by the saying: ‘You cannot respect me; I don’t have to acknowledge that you exist.’

7) How Has Been Your Experience With Public Restrooms?

A: I avoid them at all cost! I personally believe that only females with vaginas use female locker rooms and restrooms. And males with penises use male locker rooms and restrooms. As a female with still a penis, I disqualify myself from using a public restroom (unless it is an unavoidable emergency). And because of my male sexual organ, I have completely stopped swimming because of the locker rooms to reach the pool.

8) If You Are Religious; Has Being Transgender Conflicted With Your Spiritual Care?

A: I use to be Lutheran; but I’ve denounced my faith and became a spiritualist. I have been considering following the Shinto faith, as it aligns with my personal beliefs.

9) Do You Feel Comfortable Answering Simple Questions About Being Transgender By:

A) Family: Yes, as long as it isn’t about SRS(GRS)

B) Friends: Yes, if they are trusted.

C) Strangers: No…they must become my friend.

D) Online: Yes…but very limited on personal information.

10) What Is Something You Loved To Do That You Are Unable To Do Now As A Transgender Woman?

A: Swim! I miss swimming. I am terrified that someone might see something and cause me harm in my community’s only pool. So, I will wait until SRS(GRS) is complete.

LIFESTYLE CHANGES QUESTIONS

1) Have You Grown Your Hair Longer And / Or Modified It In The Last Year?

A: Yes, it is almost three inches longer than last year! 16-17 inches long right now. Measuring shows that at 23 inches, I would achieve my desirable length.

2) Have You Worn Makeup In The Past Year? Or Stopped Wearing Makeup?

A: I’ve only worn makeup four times this year. COVID has made wearing makeup obsolete. I still like to dress up for holidays.

3) Have You Worn High Heels In The Past Year? Or Not Worn High Heels?

A: I want to…I just can’t find a pair the fits a size 15!

4) Have You Worn A Skirt In The Past Year?

A: So many times! I probably wear a skirt over 100 times a year. I’m bought five new skirts just this year!

5) Have You Worn A Dress In The Past Year?

A: A few times. Dresses just don’t work on a farm. I like to wear a dress when going out on the town.

6) Have You Worn A Blouse In The Past Year?

A: Nearly every day!

7) Have You Worn Any Form Of A Bra In The Past Year?

A: Every day! I don’t feel right without having one on. It isn’t proper. I am thinking of buying a sports bra when I am dancing. I bought my first cotton bra this year.

8) Have You Worn Any Feminine Undergarments In The Past Year?

A: Just panties.

9) Have You Gotten Your Ears Pierced? Body Piercings?

A: No, but my family keeps suggesting getting my ears pierced.

10) Have You Started Wearing ‘Feminine’ Jewelry?

A: Yes, I continue to wears rings and necklaces.

11) If You Had Some ‘Passing Tips’ To Offer Other Transgendered Individuals, What Are Some Things That You Learnt This Year, To Help You Pass?

A: Don’t be afraid to take a leap of faith. Sometimes learning from a different culture can help enrich your etiquette and feminine identity.

12) Have Being Transgender Held You Back From Your Career Choice?

A: No, I am still medically discharged.

13) How Is Your Relationship With Your Doctor(s)?

A: Very nice! Dr. Worth is quite professional and tends to my care quite well. Mrs. Mulligan is very through with my mental health, being certain that I am ready for my really uncomfortable conversation in January.

13) Since Transitioning, Have You’ve Noticed Your Physical Health Improving? (New Question For 2021)

A: Yes. Before my use of hormones in 2018; I was very sick from 2014-2017. My asthma and cystic fibrosis had severely damaged my lungs and caused inflammation in my bronchus. At one point, I was given two years to live.

After starting HRT, I noticed that my weekly asthma attacks that usually placed me in the hospital has weaken in severity. The swelling wasn’t as severe.

With decreased stress, and estrogen (an anti-inflammatory) in my blood; my hospitalizations dropped dramatically to the point of only three ER visits in 2021!

Here is a chart of Inpatient Stays prior to HRT and on HRT:

COMPLIANCE QUESTIONS

1) Right Now, Are You Complying To A Feminine Attire? If So, What Is It?

A: Yes, I am in compliance.

This is New Year’s Eve and I am wearing a new blouse that I received for Christmas from mother. It is a silvery metallic sheen blouse with a belt, tried in a nice musubi knot. I am wearing my feminine undergarments with a vermillion-colored pleated skirt. My hair is brushed back with a single red band to hold it in place.

2) Right Now, Are You In A Serious Relationship?

A: Not really. I no longer feel that Ruth and I are compatible. The event happened two years ago, on the 4th of July (2020); when I learned that Ruth didn’t consider me as a serious partner. She revealed her true feeling for some other girl; saying she’s even slept with her. This goes against my morals.

I continue to maintain on my Facebook account that she and I are dating, as we officially have not called it off. But I feel it is just a means to protect us both from harassment of pervy guys on the internet. It is complicated. My social media site says that I am in a relationship, but I don’t feel that I am in one. I just allow the social media illusion to continue so I don’t receive many gross messages.

Overall, I hold out hope for a relationship with her, but I just don’t think it will happen anytime soon.

3) Right Now (Without Using Goggle), Write Out Something Positive About Yourself Using The Letters Of Your First Name:

A: M: Miracle I: Intelligent R: Romantic A: Admire

4) Please Explain In Your Own Opinion, Your Transition Process And What You Have Gone Through To Transition Into A Transgender Individual.

A: I began transitioning in June of 2018, but didn’t take my pills religiously, as I was scared of changing too fast. In 2019, I transferred my care to Dr. Worth and in June, I changed my name from David to Mira. In 2020, I underwent facial feminization. By 2021, I took vocal feminization lessons and then underwent breast augmentation.

I hope in 2022 that my meeting with Dr. Dy will go well and have surgery sometime in 2022 or 2023. Afterwards, I can focus on relationships, swimming, and proper female etiquette.

5) Which Feature Of Your Body Do You Like The Most Since HRT?

A: Respectfully, I would have to say my breasts. There is something more then having breasts to look sexually attractive, or self-gratification. Since January of this year, I have not needed to worry about forms, or if I will look ridiculous trying to wear a strapless dress. Just having them is a major step in balancing the spirit and the body as one.

6) Which Feature Of Your Body Do You Dislike The Most Since HRT?

A: Certainly, would have to say my male genitalia. I can write a list of things I dislike about it; but I have to be honest, I have two things that make having a penis ‘useful’: Outdoor urination & lower chance of UTI’s.

However, I’d trade convince any day to feel ‘balanced’.

I’ve already mentioned how having male genitalia makes me feel; and in reflection, I am afraid that if I fail to convert to female genitalia; it could lead to serious consequences!

For example, in my whole life, I’ve only had one physical, back in 1999. That experience with Dr. Anderson still bothers me to this day. To make matters worse, I have a family history of male reproductive issues that might have affect me too. Considering that I am aware that something doesn’t feel right when self-checking, but I will do nothing to bring it to awareness to my physician as the experience would probably lead to suicide.

Romantically, I ‘cannot’ form relationships with males or females; as I won’t let anyone near me, or go to bed with me. No intimacy whatsoever, so I feel grossed out over the anatomical reactions of love.

I know that my adoptive father wishes that I’d at least try once, having sex with a woman, to be certain that this is what I really want to do; but I can’t imagine ever doing that, as I only desire intimacy and sexual stimulation as a female, not a male.

HRT has been a blessing and a curse, when it comes to my top dysphoria.

With hormones, I hardly get aroused (masculine); though this doesn’t mean I don’t have libido—it is just in different places. I am blessed with some shrinkage, and not having to deal with those sexual testosterone urges that use to hit me so hard, I’d be sick.

However, due to my morals and feminine identity and outward appearance; I am more aware of my male genitalia and find it now only a nuisance that I wish to be rid of, for once and for all.

7) With A New Year Coming Soon In A Few Hours; What Is Something You’d Like To Change For 2022?

A: I like to finalize my transition from male to female. I feel that once I am as close as possible to being female; I will begin the long process of healing both physically and spiritually.

8) With A New Year Coming Soon; What Is Your Focus For 2022 Regarding Your Ongoing Battle With Gender Dysphoria?

A: To continued looking towards the future and be happy. It has been a long road since I made my decision to transition. I must prepare for the knowledge that having GRS will probably be the hardest thing that I will ever endure!

#gender identity #gender reassignment #estrogen #transgender #transition #transgender pride #mtf woman #mtf lesbian #MtF trans #mtf #mtf hormones #male to female #maletofemale #new year #transgender assessment #gender assessment #assessment

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fox-steward · 3 years

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hi. i hope you don't mind me asking this but i need some advice.

i was born female, and ive always been a tomboy, sometimes in the most stereotypical way. i was also a little lesbian who didn't know it yet. but after my younger sibling came out to me as trans, i started second guessing everything about myself.

for the sake of my sibling, who im closer to than anyone in my life, i learned about what theyre going through to support them and ended up getting taken in myself. i consumed all the yaoi and gay fanfiction they did, i read up on all the identities that were within the trans umbrella and eventually i started to think i wasnt a girl at all, but my infact a feminine transboy.

i never was able to transition on account of my family but the growing inner hate i felt for myself made me want to because deep down I knew that no matterr what i said or believed, id never be the cis gay boys i, essentially, fetishised and craved to be. it made me miserable, but i wanted to be accepted so badly that i stuck with it. but then i fou d your blog and others like it, and reading through it, whole reevaluating myself made me realise how misguided my mindset was.

despite realising that me being a tomboy is perfectly fine, i cant help but cling to that idea of being a boy, even though i have no idea what it means to "be a boy" or "feel like a boy". all i know is what the media portrays boys, feminine boys and gay boys to be like, and i clung to that idea for so long that i believed it to be my identity.

i just wanted to ask, if i can, how can i get over this mindset? i feel terrible because my younger sibling still identifies as trans without a shadow of a doubt, and my questioning of myself makes me feel awful, but i also feel bad because... i dont know who i am really now. how can i just be me again?

sorry this is long. any advice would be very very much appreciated.

it sounds like you’ve been through it, anon. whew! i just wanna acknowledge what a mindfuck you’ve been through, and it’s normal to feel no so great.

i actually think you’re grieving, strange as that sounds, but hear me out. being female is not easy, being a masculine woman comes with its own set of challenges, and imagining yourself as a “gay transboy” was an escape from all that. you could imagine a future for yourself where you grew up to be a gay man, not a gay woman. it’s worth noting relationships between men are the only sexual/romantic pairing that isn’t party to misogyny within the relationship itself.

it’s intoxicating to imagine we could have that ourselves, huh? it happened to me too, and i’m not even actually attracted to males at all, i was really just seduced by the idea of a relationship of equals.

but this. is. a. fantasy. one we as female people can never achieve.

so you’re grieving the vision you had for your future. your grief doesn’t care that the thing you promised yourself is impossible.

you’re undergoing another shift in the way you see yourself, the way you imagine yourself moving through the world. that’s hard, anon. being a tomboy, while absolutely lovely and perfectly fine, can be really difficult in our misogynistic society. it’s like that dworkin quote i’m about to butcher—something something absolutely excruciating to be fully aware of the misogyny all around us. you get the gist. and she’s right, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.

so idk, i don’t have any specific advice, but i do know a lot about grief. with grief, you gotta accept you’re gonna feel shitty for a while and absolve yourself of the responsibility of ~fEeLiNg HaPpY~ for now. i’m being flippant because happiness is a mirage anyway. we get pricks of joy, moments of brightness or laughter, flow and contentment, enjoyment, pleasure, and these fill in between other moments of discomfort or monotony or tedium or malaise or or or. and if we’re lucky we are aware when the good stuff is happening, so that we can pause and say, gee this is nice. and if you get enough of then and you’re aware enough as they’re happening, perhaps you can tie it up in a bow of hindsight and call it contentment.

tangent, sorry. practically, keep yourself busy and tire yourself the fuck out, tbh. when my wife left, i started just going and doing things, anything i didn’t actively NOT want to do. dancing, concerts, art class, bike ride, walk a friends dog, cooking class, sit in a field and listen to music.

just do anything. i know it’s hard during covid, but it isn’t so much WHAT you do but THAT you do. take the field example—you have to travel there (that kills time!) and maybe you walk or bike (that is physical activity) then you do the thing you planned to do (takes more time) and you have to travel home (more time and activity) then you have completed something you set out to do (an achievement/free endorphins).

i also took up running when she left (tire myself the fuck out) and that changed so much for me. with grief, rumination and sleeplessness plagued me; running took both those out of the equation. so my sleep improved, i got stronger and my cardiovascular fitness improved, i ate better, i got to see myself improve and achieve goals, got to build an identity separate from who i was in my marriage. so i cannot recommend running enough.

and as for identity, finding out “who you are”—identity is a trap. don’t cement yourself to any one thing because everything changes. don’t define yourself by externalities, just be open and curious about your inner life, your qualities (which are also able to change btw) and start to strengthen the ones you like, like training a muscle. i practice (literally practice) kindness and discipline, which are important qualities for how i see myself. i also practice at compassion and i like how these things make me feel and how i show up in the world when i’m practicing at them. what qualities will you train in yourself?

you’re not defined in relation to your sibling, btw, and they aren’t defined in relation to you. you can question transness while still loving them.

you’re gonna be just fine, anon. you have plenty of time. grieve the future you can’t have, even though it’s truly for the best, and cultivate a person in yourself you’re excited to be. good luck.

#detrans #detransition #radfem #radical feminism #transgender #gender critical #ftm #asked #answered #anonymous #anon

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deliriousnights · 3 years

Text

Coming Out: I am genderfluid bi ace

So I guess here it is... officially coming out... granted it’s only online (not safe to come out my fam, only one friend knows, but she just thinks I am bisexual) but still feels pretty big for my to officially accept it is who I am.

So around last year during the whole pandemic I really started to learn more about the lgbtqia+ community. I found out there was more then just gay and lesbian. It’s a whole spectrum!

I first found the label asexual, after looking up the definition and scrolling through websites I came to the conclusion that was me. I was asexual. It made so much sense.

Then I started looking at romantic identities and the labels there and after much worrying I was making it all us, I then came to the knowledge I was biromantic. I liked all genders, not just boys (I am AFAB). I also had a little trouble deciding if I was bi or pan. Ultimately I connected more with the label biromantic so that is what I identify as.

Then of course came the thoughts of since I’m not straight am I not cis either? I started to look into it because I had experiences simaler to non-cis folks and I tried out many different labels (trans male, non-binary, demi girl, demi boy, bigender, agender, etc.) My feelings and thought about gender kept changing and so did my desire to express my gender differently. (some days I wanted to be more masculine others more feminine) After a few weeks of stressful confusion, I decided to take a break. People saw me a female, it was to hard for me to be anything else, so I would just block out those feelings.

Of course, I wouldn’t be here writing this if it had worked. A few months later, I had a gender identity crisis. I just wanted to know what the hell I was. Reassurance that I wasn’t some monster or alien.

Mind you this whole time I have kept my discoveries secret only using the computer to find out everything. By now my family was starting to notice something was wrong, but of course I lied and said I was fine. My family dismissed it as being a teen.

So after a while of looking more gender labels up, I decided to look into genderfluid. And bam! Tumblr, blogs, posts, youtube, I read everything I could. I related so much to the experiences everyone shared. That was me! I am genderfluid! I am so happy, to know a part of who I am. My chosen name is Alex. (just a shortened version of my birth name but I love it) My pronouns switch from hour to hour, day to day, week by week, I never know what I will be and like the opportunity pronouns give to express myself. (even if it is only internally because I am in the closet) When I write in my journal I will state the pronouns I have for the day, and everything.

I feel so much better, I feel like I can finally breath. I know who I am and that is all that matters right now. I am okay with staying in the closet until I can come out. I am me.

Thank you if you read this crazy long ass post. I just wanted to get everything I was feeling out. Thanks!

#coming out #genderfluid #gender-fluid #biromantic #asexual #bi #ace #queer as hell #lgbtq #lgbtqia+#trans #transgender #afab #afab nb #nonbinary

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haikyuusecgen · 3 years

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Hi there! Ash here, I'm the author of this blog. Also the creator of these fantabulous characters! First I'll start off with a but if an introduction to what this is? Basically, I made kids for the main Haikyuu Ships? These characters are my own, however I don't own Haikyuu or it's characters! Don't use my characters without permission and credit, please!

Character introductions! They are in first person because I'm bad at writing UwU

Hi, I'm Nikko! I am the DaiSuga child! I use She/Her pronouns! I'm the Karasuno volleyball team captain, and I'm basically the mom of the group. I am Bisexual, though I have a preference for women, and I love coffee. Don't ask what kind, the only answer I have is ✨all✨

Hiya! I'm Kumiko and I also use She/Her pronouns! I'm a KageHina child, and I have a younger sibling named Kyo! I love volleyball with all of my heart, but I love Hiroshi even more.

Hi, I'm Kyo and I use They/Xem pronouns. I am a KageHina child, and my older sister is Kumiko. I label myself gay, and I'm dating Akane Oikawa.

HEY!! I'M HIROKI, and I'm the AsaNoya child! I use He/Him pronouns, so please don't misgender me :D. A lot of people assume I use she/her pronouns because I look like a girl, but I don't. Fuck gender roles. Fuck you. Hurt Sorano and you will get your ass beat :D

Ichigo. He/They pronouns, TsukkiYama child. Bye.

EEEYYYY!!!! I'm Hiroshi, one of the Ennoshita twins! I use He/Him pronouns, although I am chill with They/Them. I am very much in love with Kumiko. <3

I'm the other (and better) Ennoshita twin, Rai. I use They/Them Pronouns and I have never been more done with my brother's shit.

"Hey, my name's Kohi, I'm a third year, and I never fucking learned how to read" I'm kidding. I am Kohi, I use She/Her pronouns, and I'm the Matsuhana child. I am a raging le-dollar-bean and I'm in a polyamorous relationship with Mienie and Kishore

Hello! I'm Yukako, and I use she/her pronouns! I'm the KiyoYachi daughter, but instead of being a manager, I'm gonna be the best setter they've seen! I'm a lesbian and in a loving relationship with Nikko

I'm Masahiro, and I'm the younger of the KuroKen children! I use He/Him pronouns, and I'm gonna be the best ace anyone has ever seen >:D. *queue Dancing Queen*

Hello, I'm Mitsuko. I'm chill with any pronouns, but I do have a preference for she/her. I am the older of the KuroKen kids, and if you misgender my baby brother, I will not hesitate to kick your ass, even in my dress.

I'm Nozomi, the eldest and most mature (unfortunately) of the Haiba kids. be careful of my younger brothers, they are really tall, really annoying, and will play a prank on you no matter who you are. Also, I use she/her pronouns. I recommend staying away from Yamaguchi-kun. He's an annoying, tall jackass.

I'm Asa! Or maybe I'm Aiko? bet you can't tell~! I'm kidding, I'm Aiko. I am one of the Haiba twins, children of LevYaku. I use he/they/zem pronouns! How much are you willing to bet Nozomi is gonna subconsciously flirt with Yamaguchi-sama without realizing it?

I'm one of the Haiba twins, Asa! Child of LevYaku! My sibling likes to play pranks, and they can be fun, but sometimes I just wanna vibe and goof off. I use they/beeself pronouns, please!

Hi, I'm the younger of the BokuAka children! My older sister is Sorano, and she's really pretty, but she doesn't believe she is. I wish she did because she truly is gorgeous, but it's not really something I can do for her. Next time you see her, tell her she's pretty for me, will you? Either way, I'm Shiro and I use he/him pronouns!

Hi, I'm Sorano... I am the elder of the BokuAka siblings, and I use she/her pronouns…

Hi, I'm Tamaka! I use all pronouns with no preference, and I'm the SemiShira child! Although I may not care about my pronouns, MISGENDER MIZUKI AND I WILL EAT YOUR FUCKING KNEECAPS, GOT IT!?!? I like hearing about murder mysteries and stuff.

I'm the younger and more mature of the IwaOi children. My older brother is an idiot, however, if I hear one more fucking person make fun of him for being gay, I will explode the fucking school. (TW: Bullying, Homophobia, Explosion?) I'm Oikawa Mienie, and I use she/her pronouns.

Heyo! I'm Akane, the older (and taller) of the IwaOi Children! My younger sister is a definite tsundere, trying to convince everyone she isn't in love with Kisho and Kohi. God, Mienie, just embrace the fact that you're head over heels for those two idiots. aaaaanywaaays~ I use he/him pronouns.

Hi! I'm Eito, the only child of UshiTen! I use so/sou/souself pronouns! If they get confusing, he/him isn't too bad, just not entirely for me. Sometimes, murder is an option 😃👍

hi? I'm Mizuki, and I'm the KyouHaba daughter. I'm a trans girl and I use She/Her pronouns! Please be nice, and try not to yell? thank you! <3

OwO? Hiya! I'm Kisho, a first-year, and the KinKuni child. I use she/her pronouns and am very much a lesbian UwU. I am in a polyamorous relationship with Kohi and Mienie, my fellow lesbians <3

uh, hi? I'm Tsukiko, Daishou and Mika's son. I am the son of the only straight couple, but I am nowhere near straight. congrats mother, father, you have a gay son. Oh god, I need to cut back on the caffeine. anyways! I use he/they pronouns, tho I do identify as male.

Canon ships!

Sawamura Nikko x Shimizu Yukako

Akaashi Shiro x Kuroo Mitsuko

Ennoshita Hiroshi x Kageyama Kumiko

Semi Tamaka x Kyoutani Mizuki x Haiba Aiko

Tendou Eito x Haiba Asa

Matsukawa Kohi x Kunimi Kisho x Oikawa Mienie

Asahi Hiroshi x Akaashi Sorano

Oikawa Akane x Kageyama Kyo

Haiba Nozomi x Yamaguchi Ichigo

Daishou Tsukiko x Kuroo Masahiro

Uh, that's all the information I can think of to give. I hope you all like this, please send asks UwU

-Ash

#Haikyuu #HaikyuuNextGeneration #SecondGeneration #asksblog #LGBTQ #Art

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rivetgoth · 4 years

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I had this friend I met in the Hetalia fandom in like 8th-9th grade who was like, a lot older than me (I was like 12-13 when we met and she was like 17 or so), and we were REALLY close for a really long time, we'd talk and call every day and it got to a point where she was really dependent on me in this awful way where she would like constantly threaten suicide if I didn't answer her texts fast enough and shit like that. She was really rich cuz her dad was a doctor and one time she bought me an entire fucking Xbox One (I did not ask for it like... I'd always been a PlayStation gamer LOL) because she didn't have anyone to play Halo with her. My family still has it and uses it as a DVD player/Netflix machine.

Anyway the really batshit thing about this person (BESIDES the fact that she was like, definitely a pedophile who loved shota and frequently sexted me after she'd turned 18+ and I was like 14 and she also had both a bestiality and incest fetish that she'd talk to me about constantly — I was a kid I had no moral concept of anything and just liked being edgy and feeling mature) was that she was like. A chronic liar who constantly faked identities. And for years after cutting off contact with her I would look back and realize that she had faked even more than I had noticed at the time. The thing is, I knew for sure she wasn't lying about her home life -- Her address, what she looked like, her dad's profession, her age, her house, her pets, etc, were all things I had proof of. But when I knew her she was constantly remaking her Tumblr to escape drama she'd start, and she would constantly make side blogs under pseudonyms and pretend it wasn't her (sometimes it would be random shit like aesthetic blogs under different names or ask blogs for characters or smthn, other times it was like, callout blogs for people she had gotten into drama with where she would pretend to be someone else defending her). I assumed back then that I was always going to be in on it, because she would always tell me whenever she made one of these fake accounts, and sometimes she would encourage me to make a new account too as a sort of roleplay thing where we both pretended to be people we weren't... Until I learned that she wasn't always telling me. Every so often, I would become mutuals with a new account who would start messaging me about my interests and strike a conversation with me. Then something would slip and my "new mutual" would admit that they had actually been my friend all along... Which should have made me immediately cut contact because that's weird as shit, but I was young and she was a close friend, so I would just sorta accept it.

She ended up being like, horrifically transphobic. She got run off her blog twice for being specifically transmisogynistic, first insisting that she was allowed to headcanon canon trans women as feminine men and then on her next blog insisting that lesbians couldn't be attracted to trans women. I was still young and closeted and she was one of my closest friends and was constantly messaging me that the situation was making her suicidal and she was just wording things wrong and totally supported trans people and people just weren’t giving her the benefit of the doubt and she was still learning so I tried to just stay out of it without losing her. Then... I came out as trans lol. She stopped replying to me when I first came out and then made a bunch of vents on her tumblr about how much it upset her and about how “using he/him pronouns for AFAB people is triggering” for whatever fucking reason. She told me her “best IRL friend” who she had introduced me to once on Skype but who never logged in again after and who refused to ever do a group call or anything (definitely another fake account) said that it was irrational for me to expect my friends to respect my pronouns so soon after coming out and that I shouldn’t be upset if I get misgendered. Then she apologized but told me my name and pronouns would never fit me. As you can imagine, as a little baby trans kid who was closeted from my family and terrified of even having come to terms with being trans, I didn’t really have a great defense.

Soon she started being really woke like 2014 style Tumblr SJW to save face, she came out as nonbinary and told me in private it was because she felt bad when people called her cis during discourse (she absolutely wasn't nonbinary) and she coined a "new sexuality" that was "attraction only to people you perceive as feminine, regardless of how they identify" -- what this actually meant was "attraction to cis women and not trans women." She ran an aroace help blog despite not being aroace? And made a bunch of pride flags that I still see around sometimes to this day. She would start fights a lot and try to out-woke people and got into a bunch of drama with other SJW types of the day, got into a bunch of drama with TumblrInAction and Mogai-Watch and shit like that, and she claimed for a short while that she had a headmate (FWIW I totally believe DID is a legitimate thing but like. Trust me on this one.) who was transphobic and that it made her so sad, she told me that it was actually that headmate that had been transphobic before, and every so often her headmate would front out of nowhere and misgender me and use really abusive language like calling me a cunt or a bitch or whatever. She started making these "intersex nonbinary" OCs who she would constantly make porn of under the guise that they were representation for LGBT people who were just like, extremely fetishistic cuntboys and dickgirls (they were “intersex” to explain why they could be “girls with natal penises” or “boys with natal vaginas”).

At that same time, she somehow always managed to have these random, very sporadically active trans women mutuals who were apparently amazing friends of hers, who shared some interests with her but also would defend her when people brought up her past, with these long-winded “Well, I’m a trans woman and I think what she said is perfectly justified and everyone makes mistakes and she’s always been a good ally!!” Then one day some trans woman received an ask from her account where she claimed to be a “black trans woman” (she was, of course, a white cis woman) and she freaked out and claimed she had “been hacked by TiA or 4Chan to make her look bad” — I realize now she had just been sending anon messages pretending to be things she wasn’t and forgot to hit anon LOL. Late in all of this she also got into a bunch of hot water for being really antisemitic and saying she didn’t trust Jewish people because they were just like Christians and like, 5 seconds later she came out as Jewish and wrote this whole long sad vent about how she had had internalized antisemitism and then started going by a random Hebrew name LMAO.

In the end the final breaking point was when I found her secret TERF blog, where she had been making posts for months about how trans men are just insecure women who are trying to escape misogyny by stepping on the backs of “fellow women” and using me as a fucking example, and also saying that me not coming out as a trans man had been “basically rape” since she had been SEXTING me when she was 18+ and I was 13-14+ and that it was traumatic to know someone she had trusted was secretly identifying as a man LMAO. She was also obviously saying all sorts of transmisogynistic things, but also had these really bizarre fetish posts about wanting trans women to fuck her...? I confronted her about it and she literally fucking out of nowhere told me that she was in the emergency room with a mysterious illness that might kill her and she was allowed to have her phone but due to privacy laws couldn’t send a picture as proof. While “in the hospital” she deleted the TERF blog and her personal blog. I had known her for literal YEARS at this point (we had met when I was 12-13 or so and by the time we no longer spoke I was a few months from 17), and I was completely stunned to fucking hear this person trying to pull “I’m in the hospital with a deadly disease” at being confronted for some shit like that LMAO. I made a post about it on my public and another “trans woman friend” of hers logged in to vehemently defend her by saying that there’s nothing wrong with AFAB women being untrusting of trans people because female oppression is uniquely traumatic and that there’s nothing wrong with women expressing their sexuality by sexting minors as long as the minor consents and that I was the real predator for “hiding that I was a man” (remember, I’d been a 13 year old closeted trans boy), before never logging in again... 😭 One of the last times we ever talked was when she demanded I refund her for the fucking Xbox and I refused.

Anyway, the long-term aftermath of that is that a few people online (in some random cringe areas of the internet) who archived some of her antics still think that I also wasn’t a real person, since they caught onto how much she lied about too, so they think I was also a sock puppet and I have no interest in clarifying and making myself known to those people LOL. I have no fucking idea where she is now, she deactivated everything after her being a TERF came out. There’s like, so much more to that I could say because I knew her for YEARS and, like I said, she was one of my “closest friends.” Her parents had wildly expensive pure bred designer dogs that she would make Vines of. She wrote Beatles real person fan fiction. For her birthday one year I made her a shirt on Zazzle with an inside joke about one of her OCs... does she still have that? Either way, she was easily the most batshit person I’ve ever known closely online and I will forever associate the Hetalia fandom with people like that.

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nerdygaymormon · 4 years

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Sorry, this is a super long ask, but I had some thoughts I wanted to articulate at a person, not just in a post 😅 I had this thought about the article from Elder & Sister Renlund. It was then reinforced when my mom (who I'm not out to) sent me some quotes about God loving his children after she had talked to a family friend who's teen daughter is bi and very angry at the church (And I will admit, the quotes my mom sent we're a lot more loving than anything from the Renlunds). 1

I'm tired of the only reference queer members get about God loving them is that he loves them inspite of their queerness. It's not presented that straight forward always. It's usually presented as "God loves all his children, whether they're following his commandments or not" which isn't a bad sentiment within itself (And maybe that's helpful for some queer people sometimes, idk). 2

I also understand how it can seem a helpful message to share with queer members as a cis straight member. But one of the biggest things that has held me back from exploring my sexuality and gender identity is this idea. By identifying and living openly queer, sentiments like these tell me I am actively rebelling against God. 3

And if I'm actively rebelling just simply by being myself, then why should I keep any other commandments? Sure, maybe if it's just that one commandment I don't follow and I follow everything else perfectly I can still be saved, but I'm still human! The rest of those commandments are still often hard to follow! And if I spend all this time figuring out my queer identity, only to reach heaven and have that taken away... then I don't wanna go to heaven anyway. 4

So maybe our fellow members, when talking to queer members, can stop with the "God still loves you, despite your queerness!" & can instead say "God loves you, queerness very much included!" (Any higher up leadership doesn't get to say this until they get their lives in order & stop being homophobic/transphobic. You can't tell me God loves me if you're out here telling me he doesn't through your policies.) Anyway, this has been bubbling for a little bit and I wanted to get it out of my head 5

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My sense of it is that our top church leaders talk to the members about us. For many years there’s been at least one, often more than one, talk at General Conference that mentions queer people, with gay people getting the most attention.

The leaders tell the members what they believe the Lord thinks and lament that the world is becoming more welcoming. It can sound harsh. They soften it by saying that God still loves us, we’re still God’s children, but it does feel like an after thought.

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It’s very rare to hear a message directly aimed at LGBTQIA+ people. Because of my calling, I’ve gotten to meet several General Authorities, which means I’ve had the unique opportunity to hear how they speak directly to a queer person.

The first one I met is Elder Joaquin Costa, I told him that I’m gay and he was extra caring and kind to me. He hugged me and told me he loves me. It surprised me.

The blog post I wrote went viral and someone asked he and his wife about it, and they wept and he said everyone is deserving of Jesus’ love.

I met Elder Costa again last summer and brought a friend with me. He stayed after hours at the office in order to see us. He hugged me and he’s smiling so big and he keeps mentioning one thing or another from when we met, and my friend leans over and says, “he likes you, like for real, he likes you.” The conversation didn’t go as I’d hoped, but I give Elder Costa credit for listening to us, and it seemed he learned and adjusted. And he kept reaching over and patting my arm, and we’d lean towards each other and bump shoulders, you know, like friends do when you’re telling a joke or something to show you feel friendly towards each other.

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The second General Authority, we got off to a rough start as he spoke for two hours about the importance of marriage between a man and woman and how necessary that is. The next day he went out of his way to befriend me, even asking that we drop titles and just call each other by our first names. He calls me David and I call him Claudio. By the time he left, it felt like we were friends, although I didn’t know if that’s just how he makes everyone feel.

I took him up on his offer for lunch when I visited Utah in 2018. When we got to his office, he was so excited to tell me that he and my dad have the same birthday, but 2 year apart. Had he been snooping on me, how did he know that? Well, he wondered how many people in the Church had his birthday and he did a search on the churchwide membership list. None had the exact birthday, so he dropped the year, and there was my dad’s name. He knew my last name, so he clicked on my dad to see if we’re related. He had waited eagerly several days for me to arrive so he could tell me. Anyway, he and I had a very real conversation, you know, we got beyond just the niceties. He never contradicted the Church teachings, but did admit there’s a lot we don’t know, there’s many questions for people like me for which we have no answers. He listened and understood where I was coming from and that we have significant gaps in our teachings and our church needs to do better in showing love to LGBTQ people. We ended with a lot of laughs and hugs and I left with a good feeling.

I met Claudio again last year and brought a friend with me. I didn’t share this in the blog post I wrote, but Claudio was so eager to see me because he wanted to share how knowing me had helped him respond to a father who was worried his daughter had come out as a lesbian. He shared the advice he gave the father and wanted my reaction. It was very good and focused on accepting the situation, loving his daughter as he always had, and she’s got to make some big decisions but to stand by her and always include her no matter what path she chooses. Those are her decisions, his responsibility is to be her loving dad that she can count on. I was stunned that he shared knowing me had caused him to think about the situation of queer members and the choices we face. My friend that I brought is also gay and Claudio pronounced a beautiful blessing on him. And he invited me to his home next time I come to Utah (which due to the pandemic, has been postponed). As we drove away, my friend remarked, “you don’t just invite acquaintances to your home, you guys are officially friends.”

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I also met an apostle. Upon telling him I’m gay his very first comment was that same sex attraction isn’t a sin but bullying people over it is. We were sitting at a table of 8, so our conversation on this subject was brief. My feeling is he tried to give me a sense of hope, although it was all about what wonderful things await me when I’m dead. I wanted to reply that I needed hope in this life, but the whole table had started listening in on our conversation at that point and we moved on and discovered that his wife and I are related.

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I wish every queer member had these sorts of opportunities to feel love and concern from church leadership. I also wish the Seventy & apostles had more encounters with queer members, I think it’s good for them to process we’re real people with concerns & feelings that aren’t being satisfied and we need to feel the Savior’s love as much as anyone else.

In the meantime, I will be meeting another general authority at the end of the month and will share how it goes.

#David gets personal

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hellomynameisbisexual · 4 years

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5 Ways That Bi Erasure Hurts More Than Just Bisexual People

December 2, 2014 by Milo Todd

This year, Bisexual Awareness Day/Celebrate Bisexuality Day was on September 23rd.

That same day, the National LGBTQ Task Force thought it’d be a good idea to post an article entitled “Bye Bye Bi, Hello Queer,” in which leadership programs director Evangeline Weiss said “she is ready ‘to say bye bye to the word bisexuality.’

She said it does not describe her sexual orientation, and she encouraged readers to cease using the word as well as she felt it reinforced a binary concept of gender.

Let me drive that home a little more. The National LGBTQ Task Force not only thought it would be a good idea to publish an article insulting, misrepresenting, and forsaking the bisexual letter in their own name, but did so on Celebrate Bisexuality Day.

Rude.

And a fantastic example of the constant, ongoing erasure bisexual people have to deal with. This one just happened to be incredibly blatant.

What happened as a result of that article? People got pissed.

People got so pissed that the Task Force not only removed the article from their website, but posted in its place this non-apology (it keeps being referred to as an apology, but I’m not so easily pleased): “Having listened to a wide array of feedback on the timing and content, we recognize that this blog offended people. For this we sincerely apologize. It has been removed.”

In other words, “Sorry you got pissed off. Hopefully you’ll shut up if we take it down.” Which, as far as I can tell, isn’t much of an apology for a blatant disregard of an entire community of people.

Misunderstanding of the bisexual community has been the crux of biphobia’s history and the ongoing battle to erase bisexuality from the LGBTQIA+ community.

It’s a scary time to be bi, especially when your lesbian, gay, pansexual, and queer siblings and allies are calling for your blood simply because they’ve fallen victim to the mainstream agenda without realizing it. (Say what?! Jump to #5.)

It’s time for a change.

It’s time for all of us to properly understand one another and to — hope of hopes — become allies for our incredibly similar endeavors. To help initiate that friendship, I ask you, dear reader, to go through the following three steps.

Step 1: Look below. If I’ve played my cards right, virtually every reader should find at least one category with which they identify.

Step 2: Approach your designated section(s) with an open mind, an unprejudiced heart, and a desire to further enhance your own community/ies. It’s difficult for people to learn new things and see different views if they automatically approach them with resistance, which is often the case with bisexual topics.

Step 3: See how bi erasure hurts you as a person and, while you’re at it, likely hurts the people you care about. Because it really is happening.

So here are five ways in which bi erasure is hurting people of layered identities.

1. Female-Identified People and Feminists

Bisexuality is one of the only non-monosexual* identities currently recognized in the English-speaking world. If bisexuality is kept underground, it suppresses our limited, precious resources for open discussion about non-monosexuality. This hurts female-identified people and feminists regardless of their sexual orientation.

To this day, female-identified people can’t get a fair shake. Pay is unequal, birth control access is limited, and objectification is a daily thing. Non-monosexual women in particular are often not taken seriously because they’re seen as sluts, greedy, or unable to make up their minds.

Also, the general fetishizing of women is particularly intensified in the bisexual realm by (straight-identified) men, turning the very act of women’s sexual freedom, empowerment, and self-expression into nothing more than something for male gazes. (This is most often seen through the relentless prompts for female-female-male threesomes and masculine catcalls in bars when two femme-appearing women make out.)

By participating in or casually allowing bi erasure to happen, we’re ignoring the specific plights and abuses of bisexual women, thereby contributing to the ongoing problem of female inequality, objectification, and silence.

As feminists, we can’t pick and choose which women to fight for. The complexities of womanhood — and all of its cultural suppressions — are an all-or-none deal.

*Note: Non-monosexuality usually refers to someone who is interested in more than one sex or gender. (In other words, somebody who isn’t gay, lesbian, or straight.) Another way to say “non-monosexuality” would be “polysexuality” to help keep it from sounding negative.

2. Male-Identified People and Male Liberationists*

Just like with female-identified people and feminists, bi erasure hurts male-identified people and male liberationists regardless of their sexual orientation.

Allow me to make this pretty basic: Men continue to be fed the message that being gay is bad. Being gay means you’re not really a man, which means you lose your dude membership and the bulk of your male privilege. And since gayness equals the slightest shred of attraction to or intimacy with another male, all manners of bromance must be squashed.

In short, many guys live in a state of silent terror in this regard.

Bi men are afraid of being banished from the world of lady-loving, gay men are worried about losing all of their connections to hetero land, and nothing is worse for a straight man than being called a fag.

Constant monitoring, constant filtering, constant stress: Is this really the kind of world we guys want to keep living in?

By being able to talk about bisexuality — remember: one of our only non-monosexual identities — male-identified people can begin to break free from the masculine ideal.

Bi talk helps bridge the gap between being a man (straight) and not being a man (gay) and realizing, hey, having some manner of attraction to or intimate interaction with another guy is totally okay, masculinity unscathed.

Gay men can begin to regain their identities as men, bi men can finally start coming out, and “fag” will lose its strength as an insult from one straight man to another.

*Note: Male liberationists are more or less seen as allies to feminists and vice versa. Both will argue that patriarchy is bad, but while feminists talk of how it’s bad for females, male liberationists talk of how it’s bad for males. Examples include the inability to romantically or sexually love another male, the emasculation of men of color, and the physical, verbal, and mental abuse that comes from society’s expectations to be stereotypically masculine.

3. People Who Identify as Trans Sexual, Trans Gender, Genderfluid, Genderqueer, or Gender Non-Conforming

This one’s pretty easy. Some people on the trans spectrum identify as bisexual. But then they’re told they can’t or that it’s an insult to their trans siblings because bisexuality is believed to be trans-exclusive.

The problem with bi erasure is it adds to the ongoing problem of cis people — LGQ or not — telling trans people what to think. Cis people have a bad habit of thinking they need to speak for people on the trans spectrum even when trans people are quite capable of speaking for themselves. This is even more frustrating when it comes from a community supposedly meant to support them.

Despite the personhood for which they’re continuing to fight, trans people can receive backlash from the lesbian, gay, and queer communities as their identities and bodies are turned into political battlegrounds.

Sometimes, they’re used without consent by some cis individuals so that points can be made for non-trans-specific agendas, and sometimes they’re ironically used in the attempts for cis identities to help better the trans worlds.

For instance, automatically dismissing bisexuality as trans-exclusive and guilting any person on the trans spectrum that wants to identity as bisexual, if I may make so fine a point.

As blogger Aud Traher writes, “If you want to support trans people like me, don’t erase me or speak over me or cause me harm out of self-righteous biphobia. Look into yourself and deal with that internalized biphobia and then help others get over theirs. Don’t advocate for the destruction of a community in the name of ‘saving’ it. And, especially, don’t do it in my name.”

4. People Who Identify as Gay, Lesbian, or — Yes — Straight

Quite simply, it makes gays and lesbians (and straight people) look bad, too.

Bisexual people get a bad rap for apparently upholding the gender binary by saying they love only (cis) men or (cis) women, but isn’t that pretty much exactly what gays, lesbians, and straight people are saying when they identify as gay, lesbian, or straight? That they’ll only love either (cis) men or (cis) women?

But where’s their rampant backlash from the rest of the community for upholding the gender binary? I’m just sayin’.

Even when these groups extend their definitions to include trans people and people on the gender non-conforming spectrum, it’s often still as long as those trans people exhibit some manner of gender representation that falls into the lover’s category of desire.

Now, I’m honestly not trying to rag on gays, lesbians, or even straight people. They have as much right to identify how they want as anybody else. And there’s nothing wrong with feeling primarily attracted to only, say, cis or trans men if your brain simply tells you that you only like guys. That’s fine. Go ahead and do that. I’m not saying you can’t.

What I am saying is you can’t be spewing bi hate or letting bi erasure slide because 1) it’s incredibly one-sided and unfair, and 2) in the end, it’s making you look bad, too.

What do you think will happen if bi erasure is a success? You’ll be next, dears.

*cue Jaws theme*

5. People Who Identify as Queer, Pansexual, or Another Fellow Non-Monosexual

In late October, Lizzy the Lezzy — who I quite enjoy, by the way — shared a photo on her Facebook timeline explaining sexuality in terms of guests at a BBQ.

This would be all well and good if it didn’t include a glaring misconception about bisexual people, especially when compared to pansexuals. While bisexual people were defined as getting both hot dogs and hamburgers, pansexuals were defined as getting hot dogs, hamburgers, “and a salad.” Oops. What year is this again?

I’m going to make something very plain to you, dear reader: Bisexual people don’t just love (cis) men or (cis) women. That’s not how the ballpark definition goes. The “bi” in “bisexual” does not indicate a binary. Well, okay, it does indicate a binary, but probably not the one you think.

Instead of “bi” meaning a love for only cis men or cis women or otherwise putting men and women at two opposite ends of a spectrum, “bi” means a love for identities bisexual people identify with themselves and identities that they don’t.

Or, as the popular Robyn Ochs definition goes: “I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

Look at that very closely. That’s still a binary. That’s still “bi.” And there isn’t a thing wrong with it, no exclusion to be seen.

When compared with the general concepts of pansexuals and queers, our orientations suddenly sound pretty darn similar: We love everyone.

Bisexual people get a bad rap for apparently being transphobic. While we’ve already seen a little bit in #3 as to why we aren’t, I want to further drive the point home here. A large portion of the transphobic accusations toward us come from the queer and pansexual communities, which in turn seem to derive from some serious misinformation and misdirection by the mainstream.

For the record, queers and pansexuals are cool. I like them. But the fact of the matter is that the misconception of the “bi” in “bisexual” as meaning an attraction to only (cis) men or (cis) women — and therefore upholding the gender binary — was created and imposed upon bisexual people by the mainstream. You know, the people that want the gender binary to stick around.

And some queers and pansexuals ate the propaganda they were fed? That’s terrifying. It starts to show just how large and sneaky the mainstream’s gender binary monster truly is.

By defining and erasing bisexuality on the grounds that it upholds the gender binary, pansexuals and queers are not only reinforcing the binary they so sorely wish to dismantle, but they are losing important focus on where the problem actually resides: the mainstream’s insistence to force the gender binary on non-mainstream groups such as bisexual people.

Further, holding bisexual people responsible for the abuse they’ve suffered is simply wrong. All that’s doing is blaming the victim. But, by recognizing and respecting bisexual people as they truly are, bisexual people can not only help dismantle the gender binary and put a new definition on the concept of the spectrum, but finally be allowed to team up with pansexuals and queers to crush mainstream abuse on non-mainstream identities.

Doesn’t that sound nice? I think it sounds nice.

TL;DR

Dear non-bisexual identities, please stop shooting yourselves in the foot and then wondering why you’re missing toes.

We’re here for the same reasons you are: for the right to love whoever we want and for the right for others to do the same.

So let’s finally be friends. We’re never going to get anything done if we keep spending our time putting each other down.

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isaacthedruid · 3 years

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Steven Universe’s Representation and Music: an informal essay

As the first animated Cartoon Network show created entirely by a woman, Steven Universe’s run lasted for five seasons, a movie and a sequel-epilogue series. The show was far from perfect and its fandom wasn’t the best either but there is something so special about a show that followed lesbian space rocks and a young boy saving the world.

More specifically Steven Universe is about a young boy named Steven, who is half-Gem, half-human who protects the town of Beach City from evil. Gems are a kind of alien who take on the form of pastel-coloured women, to better assimilate with the rest of the world.

Rebecca Sugar, the creator, explains her colourful characters in a behind-the-scenes promo:

“I always dreamed of making a show that would have this mix of fantasy and reality. So, I wanted to make these fantasy characters that enjoy being with Steven as much, if not more than they enjoy being fantasy characters. The characters aren’t perfect and that’s what makes them so great.”

Steven’s family are known as the Crystal Gems, a group of rebels who fought against their government thousands of years ago and now live on earth. Steven’s mom, Rose Quartz was at the forefront of the fight, she did extremely terrible things and when she gave up her gem—-so Steven could be born—-she was left unable to form a body ever again. Steven, with only his dad and three alien women, must attempt to fix her messes and deal with the repercussions of his mother’s actions.

One of the main mechanics within the series is known as fusion, in which two or more Gems become a single being who is stronger and more powerful. The fused form takes on the physical, mental and emotional aspects of those who are part of the bond. As mentioned and discussed many times within this blog, fusions are a physical embodiment of different kinds of relationships. And for a show starring a primarily female cast, they do not shy away from using this mechanic to tell queer stories.

So explicitly that in 2018, the show had the first-ever lesbian wedding in a cartoon. Of course, representation wasn’t always as accepted in Steven Universe. Just two years before the big wedding, higher-ups at Cartoon Network told Rebecca Sugar, they not happy with the multiple queer relationships, so much so that they were ready to threaten cancellation.

In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, she expressed:

“If this is going to cost me my show that’s fine because this is a huge injustice and I need to be able to represent myself and my team through this show and anything less would be unfair to my audience.”

Being LGBT herself, identifying as bisexual and non-binary, representation is important to her. For many queer people, especially grown-ups, they hope to see themselves represented in kids’ media today as they never had growing up. They want nothing more for children’s shows to say that being “different” or not fitting in with our heteronormative society is actually normal.

Within Steven Universe, you can find woman-loving-woman relationships, non-binary and intersex characters, woman-loving-non-binary relationships, asexual coded characters and basically every other letter in the acronym.

Rebecca Sugar even acted as the exciting force for LGBT inclusion within Adventure Time, originally working as a writer and storyboard artist before leaving to create her own show. She pushed for making the ex-romantic queer couple to be canonically part of the story and for it to not just coded into the dialogue.

A few years later, she returned to the show, multiple times, to compose over 20 songs that would air over the series 10-year-long run such as, “I’m Just Your Problem” which had lesbian subtext that would be confirmed later.

Some other iconic songs including “Fry Song“, “Remember You“, “Good Little Girl“, “Everything Stays” and even the finale song, “Time Adventure“.

Much like the show as a whole, there is something so special about the music she writes. In total, there were over 160 songs written for the franchise, some being short little tunes, no longer than a minute while others were full-blown musical numbers. No matter, all of them have their place within the show. Often when the character can’t express lines through speech, music is utilized to provide a more raw and poignant portrayal of their emotions.

Why Steven Universe is so widely loved is due to the music, as the overall story is not even close to perfect. Yet, everyone can agree on one thing, the music is unbelievably good. What is interesting is the different styles of melodies and backtracking used in the various songs, even more impressive is that every character has their own instrumental motif.

Steven’s motif is the ukelele as he is often seen playing the instrument himself, performing short little melodies and even writing the in-show version of the theme song. Additionally, Steven’s music uses a large amount of Chiptune synth, electronic music which is created using a programmable sound generator. Both instruments have a very childlike feeling to them, Chiptune especially as it is normally used in video game music like The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, one of the main musical inspirations for the show. As Steven is the lead, most of the music has Chiptune somewhere in the score and fun fact, the first song in the show, sung by Steven, “Cookie Cat” was actually written on an old Gameboy.

Amethyst is very loud and fun, her motif is electric drums which is extremely reflective of her character. As she can be angry from convincing herself that she is not good enough to happy and giggling from pranking Steven, her instrument can be used in so many ways as she is not a simple character. No matter what, for the few songs Amethyst has on her own (or in the score), her drums provide such an interesting emotional response to the situation.

Garnet is a fusion, so her motif is actually the combination of two instruments. Ruby is a drumbeat as she is a fiery and loud character, she is chaotic while Sapphire is her opposite. Sapphire is calm and collected, she has ice-related powers and is represented by Synth music. The characters together have a perfect unity, expressed by Garnet’s synth bass sounds, she is the equilibrium of two very contrasting characters. The music associated with Garnet, uses primarily the synth bass but Ruby and Sapphire’s individual instruments can be heard throughout her music. All three instruments are also heavily representative as Garnet’s main dancing style is Hip Hop which clashing with others’ softer dancing styles.

Despite, not being alive during the show, Rose Quartz still has her own musical motif as she plays a large part in Steven’s growth throughout the series. As well as being in many flashbacks, she is represented with strings, more specifically, the violin. Rose’s story is rather sad which quite is visible within her associated music, yet, she was also an extremely powerful character as she led the fight against the Homeworld government. Her strength can be heard with strong uplifts and swells in the music. She is never seen playing an instrument unlike the rest of the main characters but one person who plays hers is Pearl, a character Rose was possibly in love with.

For the complex and beautiful character, Pearl, her motif is classical and swing piano. She is visually represented as a ballerina for a large majority of the series, dressed in a leotard, a small skirt and ballet shoes. Apart from Garnet, she is one of the calmest characters in the show. She is a perfectionist and is knowledgeable on many topics. She has a dark past and her fair share of trauma, all of this is wrapped up in her music. From her traumatic past with Rose Quartz, the violin had been heard throughout her music, yet, when she finally dealt with everything, the violin was lost. Swapped out for a new instrument, a bass guitar which she learned how to play at the end of the series. Pearl is a character who has been through a lot and her music reflects it. As she grew, her music changed with her, becoming her own instead of something built off of Rose’s.

My personal favourite song is “It’s Over Isn’t It?” which is this heartwrenching and emotionally painful ballad sung by a broken woman. Pearl was in love with Steven’s mom. Yet, the feelings were not mutual or at least ended being reciprocated as Rose left her for Greg, Steven’s dad. It hurts because Rose didn’t just leave her, Rose Quartz also passed away. As the song goes:

That they didn’t really matter until you I was fine when you came And we fought like it was all some silly game Over her, who she’d choose After all those years, I never thought I’d lose … You won and she chose you and she loved you and she’s gone It’s over, isn’t it? Why can’t I move on? … Who am I now in this world without her? Petty and dull with the nerve to doubt her What does it matter? It’s already done Now I’ve got to be there for her son

Without Rose, Pearl has lost her place in the world as all she ever knew was her. Yet, now she is left to help raise a half-human baby and go on with her life. It makes it more difficult as this baby is the product of Rose and the man that she left Pearl for.

Pearl doesn’t want to hate Greg, she is angry at him but she doesn’t have hatred towards him. They may not be the best of pals at the start of the series but in the song called “Both of You“ has Steven, finally, begging for Greg and Pearl to just talk to each other.

Why don’t you talk to each other? Why don’t you talk to each other? Just give it a try Why don’t you talk about what happened? … You might not believe it but you got a lot in common, you really do You both love me and I love both of you … I know you both need it Someone who knows what you’re going through

An interesting thing about this song is that Steven is this to them, the person with Rose’s gem is singing to the two people who fought over Rose. It makes me wonder if this could be Rose speaking through Steven to her two loved ones. Whether it is or not, doesn’t really matter to the overall story but it is a fun idea to look at.

Overall, these songs are a literal representation of dealing with ones’ emotions in a healthy way, something that Steven Universe actively tries to teach their younger viewers about.

To say Steven Universe is a good show only for its music would be a false statement, it’s one of the strongest aspects but without the story or the characters, the music would fall flat and not have any of its passion.

#isaac rambles #steven universe #lgbt #steven universe music #cartoons #cartoon network #rebecca sugar #cartoon review

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jaskiersbard · 4 years

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The Fantastic Beasts Franchise and JK Rowling

Alright, so...hi everyone.

I don’t know how many people follow this blog anymore because my main blog of operation is now @alwaysahiccupandastrid - I still try to keep this blog relatively active though, just because it was my original blog, I’ve had it since I was 13, and I have so many memories attached to it.

I’m aware that a lot of the people who follow me, especially since late 2016, do so because a) I was a loud and proud Fantastic Beasts fan, b) I wrote some Newtina and Jakweenie fic, and c)...I don’t know. I literally don’t know why people bother following me anywhere because I don’t feel like I have a lot to say. But, anyway, many people probably follow me due to Fantastic Beasts and my posts/fanfics within the fandom.

Those who follow my active blog will already know my feelings and thoughts, but because of the fact many things about this blog - me, the posts for the last four-ish years, the url itself - are Beasts related, I felt it was necessary to come and write an actual post here instead of just reblogging things and calling it a day. I’ve always been very outspoken online, but I’ve been avoiding a certain topic of conversation on this blog for years now, and I’m finally in a place where we can discuss it.

I am, of course, talking about the hot topic that is JK Rowling.

Back in the days between FBAWTFT and FBTCOG, I was a very outspoken defender of JK Rowling and her decision to defend Johnny Depp’s inclusion in the films. Now, this is something I still stand by to this day, and due to the evidence that has since come out, I’m even more steadfast in the opinion that keeping Depp was a great decision. I am fully in support of him and the way he’s currently battling against his abuser. But that’s not what I’m here to talk about right now. As I was saying, back in the day, I was outspoken about the opinion that “we don’t know the full story” etc., and as a result I received very colourful anon messages. Now, to my knowledge, none of these were about JKR being a TERF/transphone, but I think it’s important to mention that at the time I scoffed at the idea she could be one. I openly admit that I didn’t listen to what other people - including actual trans individuals - were saying about JKR and her transphobia because I frankly didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to admit that the person who wrote something that saved my life could be so hateful and a bad person - that, and at the time I passed it all off as “wokeness out of control”.

It is now 2020. Up until last Saturday night, I was still in support of JK Rowling - I didn’t agree with some of the stuff she had said, but I was trying to be positive and have hope by telling myself that she didn’t mean to be transphobic, that she just didn’t know what she was doing was wrong, even though the evidence clearly showed otherwise (I.e. her liking transphobic / radfem tweets). I said to my followers on my Beasts page that instead of cancelling people outright, we should be attempting to educate them instead, and if they choose not to learn then fine. And, being 100% obvious, I didn’t want to admit it because I frankly already was feeling annoyed at two different Beasts cast members for different reasons: Ezra Miller (for choking a girl) and Dan Fogler (for his tweet about BLM - admittedly that was probably him being well intentioned but not saying it right). So yeah, I didn’t want to cancel another member of the Beasts “family”.

I had JKR’s tweets on notifications, and for the most part over the last few weeks, it was all about the Ickabog. However, on Saturday night I noticed that she had suddenly tweeted something completely different, and I looked at it. Given that I had adamantly defended her and said “freedom of speech” for so long, it’s telling that my first thought upon seeing her tweet was literally “for fuck sake, Jo, why”.

I won’t post her tweets here but to sum that first tweet up, it was her being annoyed over the term “people who menstruate” being used in an article instead of “woman”, and mockingly saying “there used to be a word for that” before pretending she didn’t know the word. She knew that tweeting it would start arguments and anger, and yet she still made the decision to do so. Her follow up tweets frankly dug the hole deeper; she tried to defend herself by saying, to sum it up, “I have a butch lesbian friend who agrees with me” “I just care about women’s rights!” And “IF trans people were marginalised I’d march with you!” (“If”, of course, being the real kicker here because what do you mean IF. They ARE. Every DAY.)

Since then, JKR has written an essay on her website defending herself and her opinions, and yes, I read it. I read it a few times, in fact. At first, I felt my anger simmer and felt I had been too hasty to make anti JKR jokes, that I was wrong...but then I read it again properly and realised that what she had written was a piece that turned herself into the victim, and that despite putting on the appearance of her saying she supports trans people, including the phrases “I support trans people” and “of course trans women are real women”, she still spewed much transphobic vitriol and hate. She cited no sources for any of her proclamations or statements about statistics, implied that trans men transition to escape their “womanhood”, that trans women are men in dresses, that trans women are dangerous to “real” women (aka cis women) and shouldn’t be allowed into women’s changing rooms or toilets. There was also the autism comment, and the implication of autistic girls somehow not being able to make decisions or whatever.

I’m going to get straight to the point: I don’t support JK Rowling or her radical feminism.

As someone who is a proud feminist (libfem?), I can honestly say that never have I felt threatened or like I was being silenced by the inclusion of trans women in feminist spaces or conversation. Never. In my second year at sixth form, I was in charge of the LGBTQ+ club until a new leader with better leadership skills could step in, and - put simply - that year, the club was made almost entirely of first year transgender students. Even though I had called myself a trans ally for years, I realised there was a lot I didn’t know, and I learnt quite a lot from these students. I continue to still learn today. They were some of the nicest and most intelligent people I got the chance to meet, and I can truly say that at no point was I ever worried to be in a room alone with a trans woman, nor was I concerned about which bathroom they went in - bathrooms are bathrooms. Speaking of bathrooms...when I was at uni during a particularly tense rehearsal a few weeks before our final show last year, a guy in our group made me cry and I ran to the women’s bathroom to escape. Not only did the other girls come to comfort me, but you know what? The guy came in and apologised profusely to me. Did any of us girls give a shit about having a guy in our toilet? Absolutely not. It’s a fucking toilet. And, on that note, I was never worried about a trans woman or even a cis man attacking me in the toilets. You know who DID attack me in the toilets regularly? Other cisgender women.

As a feminist, I fully support trans women and am not threatened by the inclusion of trans women in women’s spaces or in women’s rights discussions. While I agree that cis women and trans women inevitably go through different struggles, at the end of the day, we all identify as women and are women. I think that if your feminism is so threatened by the existence of trans women - TERFs, RadFems, JKR, looking at you - then your feminism is flimsy and not feminism at all.

As a woman, I find it highly offensive that JKR and many RadFems focus so much of womanhood and feminism on an involuntary biological function that, frankly, many of us would rather do without. Yeah, I’m talking about periods - no matter how proud I am to be a woman, I still fucking hate periods and would get rid of mine if I could without erasing my chance of having kids someday. I can hear the RadFems accusing me of “internalised woman hatred” for saying I hate my periods, but you know what, they suck and they hurt and fuck them. The fact that JKR (also the the radfem movement) reduced “women” to just people who menstruate and can have children, and vice versa, is incredibly offensive and misogynistic. For a start, trans men menstruate, intersex people can, non binary can etc. Next, not even ALL cis women have periods - women who are menopausal, young women who haven’t started puberty yet (some do start very late), some women don’t have regular cycles, some women have medical problems that affect their cycle, some women are on birth control that can stop their cycles. So the idea of women being defined as “those who menstruate” is offensive not only to trans/intersex/non binary individuals but also to cis ones too.

As I write this, I’m a 22 year old woman who is still learning and changing every day, and one of the things that I’ve found myself thinking about recently - especially since we’re in lockdown and we have nothing BUT time to think - is about myself and my identity as a woman. What prompted this was when I saw Greta Gerwig’s adaptation of Louisa May Alcott’s beloved book, “Little Women”, which I’ve since read, for my birthday back in January, and I left the cinema feeling exalted and powerful with my own identity as a woman. (I’ll be returning to LW in a bit)

After some thinking, I’ve realised some things. For me, my identity as a woman is not just because once a month my uterus decides to shed; I do not identify as a woman just because I have certain physical features. I am not a particularly feminine person either, and I’m what some may call a “tomboy” (a phrase I actually don’t mind but I know a lot of people do for understandable reasons since it’s a phrase designed to differentiate people who don’t conform to society’s expectations etc) because I prefer video games and more geeky stuff to shopping or dressing up or make up.

For me, there is no one way a person has to be or appear in order to identify as a woman. Women are beautiful, complex human beings; we are not defined by our genitalia, by an involuntary biological process. Women are strong, intelligent, and interesting people - no two are the same. For example, some decide to raise families, some choose to pursue a career, some do both - all of these are valid and none are more “feminist” or “womanly” than the others, because it’s our as women. I guarantee that if you lined up every single woman in the world - cis AND trans - no two would be the exact same.

I mentioned “Little Women” earlier, and as I was pondering over what makes me identify as a “woman”, I thought a lot about a certain quote from the 2019 film that has stayed with me since it was first said in the release of the trailer. It’s spoken by Jo March to her mother, and I’ve started to understand what for me makes me a woman.

For me, being a woman is all of this: having minds, hearts, souls, ambition, talent, and being beautiful each in our own ways. Women are capable of love and empathy, capable of desire, capable of the most complex and human feelings and emotions, and coming out the stronger for it.

Sex is one thing; gender identity is another.

I won’t dissect every single thing JKR wrote in her essay, but I will just say this: her comments regarding autistic girls are extremely tone deaf and she does not speak for those with autism. I’m going to be honest and admit something here I haven’t before: I have not been diagnosed with autism or aspergers but I AM currently on the waiting list to see someone who COULD diagnose me. Apparently I show signs of a potential diagnosis, so...we’ll have to see. But I have friends who are autistic, and they’re disgusted by JKR trying to use them to support her TERF arguments. Autistic and other neurodivergent people are absolutely capable of making decisions and are NOT people who need to be babied or have their hands held, to be told who they are. It’s incredibly ableist of JK Rowling frankly.

I would also like to point out... I’ve seen people saying “but she doesn’t hate autistic people, Newt is autistic!!!” - yes, but JKR didn’t write him as autistic. Eddie Redmayne chose to play Newt as autistic - JK Rowling didn’t do shit.

It’s also time that I acknowledge that both Potter and Beasts inevitably hold JKR’s problematic views, and that by denying her ownership of her work, we’re not holding her accountable for the horrible things she’s done. This includes - but is not limited to -:

Anti-Semitic stereotypes in the goblins

Lycanthropy being used as a metaphor for AIDS - an illness that is heavily associated to the gay community, and also there was the panic of the AIDs crisis in the 90s where much misinformation and homophobia was generated and spread because of it.

Adding further to the lycanthropy point, one of the infected individuals - Greyback - is stated to have a sick preference for infecting children. Not only are werewolves tied to harmful gay/AIDs stereotypes, but also to the disgusting and frankly wrong notion that gay people are pedophiles.

The only Asian character is called Cho Chang. Cho Chang. That’s two steps away from outright just calling her “Ching Chong”. It’s not a name an actual Asian person would have.

The Goldstein sisters are probably distantly related to Anthony Goldstein, who JKR confirmed (on Twitter of course) is Jewish, meaning that Tina and Queenie are most likely Jewish too (and Goldstein is a Jewish surname). However, despite the fact that the first FBaWTFT is set DURING Hanukkah in 1926, there’s zero signs of them celebrating or observing it. Maybe that’s more on set design than anything else, but come on - if I, a fanfic writer, can do some research, JK/the crew of a major movie can too!

Adding on from that, gotta love how one of the JEWISH main characters then decides to join the Wizarding world equivalent of Hitler. I already had problems with Queenie’s characterisation in CoG, but that’s the icing on the cake.

POC/Black characters - in both series but since I’m a Beasts blog... Seraphina Picquery, a Black female president serving a term during a MAJOR wizarding world crisis, is severely reduced to have only 3 lines in CoG. Nagini’s only purpose is to be the only friend of Credence, a white man, before he joins Wizard Hitler and abandons her; she’s also an Asian character who we know one day permanently becomes a SNAKE, and who goes on to actually have a piece of Voldemort’s soul inside of her?? And some do see her as his slave, though you could argue that she’s actually the only being that he holds any love or respect for. Leta Lestrange is a half-black woman who is killed/literally sacrifices herself for TWO WHITE MEN, and who’s death was literally confirmed to have been added in last minute.

Also, the whole Lestrange storyline was fucking nasty: white Lestrange Sr imperius-ed a black woman (Yusuf Kama’s mother), raped her, and she then died in childbirth. I’m sorry, what the fuck??

In Harry Potter, Seamus is a terrible stereotype of an Irish person - he likes to blow things up. Look up the IRA and their bombings. Fucking Irish stereotype. As someone with Irish grandparents and who is proud of their Irish heritage, this really pisses me off.

Let’s not forget the whole Native American cultural appropriation. That truly speaks for itself.

So here is where I speak candidly to everyone who follows me and/or sees this post. While Beasts is no longer my No. 1 fandom these days, it and Potter still hold a huge piece of my heart. I have 5 wizarding world tattoos, so much merchandise, and I can safely say that being a fan of both series has shaped me as a person. Both of those series helped me get through the darkest days of my life, including bullying at school, my Nan passing away, and my mental health struggles.

This is why what’s happened has impacted me so much and broken my heart. For me, it feels like it’s tainted now because of Jo and her views. I know that we should separate the art from the artist, but when her views are so clearly woven into the very fabric of the Wizarding world, it’s a huge problem.

Here’s another part of the dilemma - I do not wish for the Beasts films to be cancelled. I’m well aware that the *cough* people who dislike me will say I’m trying to be negative, trying to boycott the series blah blah blah, but that’s truly the last thing I want. I still love the story, the characters, the soundtrack, and I want to know how it ends, if only for my own piece of mind. It’s also important to add that by boycotting Beasts, it’s also harming the hard working thousands of others who worked on the films: the cast, the crew, the extras, the musicians, etc., not to mention the fans who actually are invested in the series and have taken solace in it. It’s not fair for them to all suffer over the actions of one TERF.

This is one of my biggest worries, however: the Fantastic Beasts films do NOT have a good reputation as it is. The second film was boycotted by some due to Depp, and now there’s talk of people boycotting number 3 because of JK Rowling. Lots of people already talk hatred about it, and this will only fire that hatred up even more.

There’s also talk of Eddie Redmayne potentially being kicked from the franchise due to a “leak” that he doesn’t want to work with JKR anymore, but this could be sensationalist news reporting. But if it came down to it, I can honestly say that I would rather continue to have Eddie play Newt than keep JKR as a writer. Eddie has done more for Newt than even JKR has, and if he goes, then that will be the last straw for me within the fandom. That will be when I take a sharp exit out, sell my FB merch and have my tattoos covered.

To add, the Fantastic Beasts scripts are...not great. Or, at least, what we saw on-screen wasn’t. Maybe that’s David Yates being the literal worst (fuck you, Yates, you suck) and cutting all the parts with strong female characters, but I honestly don’t think that JKR can write screenplays well at all. I think she’s clearly better at writing books, and that’s fine - books obviously allow for more time to explore characters and story/plot arcs etc, and film scripts offer way less of those chances. I don’t think screenplays allow her to write what she needs to in order to tell the story she wants to, hence why CoG was kind of a hot mess. So maybe it’s just that she’s not suited for screenplays and should stick to books.

Honestly, I kind of just wish that WB would hire another person to finish writing the Fantastic Beasts movies - obviously they’d have to keep JKR on board to tell them the actual plot, but get someone who can actually write screenplays and not be problematic to write them.

By now I’ve gone on long enough that I’ve forgotten my original intent while writing this, so I’ll try to sum up and end now. In short, I am extremely disappointed in JK Rowling and do not support her or her views any longer.

I don’t know how any of you guys are feeling but I would be interested to hear other people’s thoughts, especially other Fantastic Beasts fans. I want to also add that, as always, my DMs and inbox are always open - if not here, then always at @alwaysahiccupandastrid where I’m more active nowadays.

Finally, you guys don’t need me - a white cis woman - to tell you this but you’re all valid and magical and fuck JK Rowling. Her characters would all be ashamed of her, and the characters we grew up with would not stand for the bigotry and vile hatred she spreads under the guise of ““protecting women””. Several of the amazing actors from Potter and Beasts have spoken out against her and her tweets: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Bonnie Wright, Katie Leung, Chris Rankin, Eddie Redmayne. Some have been...less inspiring (Tom Felton, Evanna Lynch, looking at you two 👀)

I’m sending love to everyone right now. I wish I could say something more useful but I’ve spoken enough - I’ve made my opinion clear. I love you all, please stay safe.

#fantastic beasts and where to find them #fantastic beasts: the crimes of grindelwald #jk rowling #harry potter

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