#i do not like people who still say simp I’m sorry

[soullessjack]

going thru jack stuff on spn tiktok is like

millennial white woman (Taylor’s version) : he’s so precious 😍😍😍 mah nougat child son 🥰🥰🥰 so innocent and adorbsies!!!

millennial white woman OR young new fan (SPN character’s version): i want to kill dean with a hammer for what he did to this sweet little baby, he’s just a toddler :( and sam and cas are his real only dads!!

𖤐 SPN character (Taylor’s version) 𖤐: i want to kill dean with a hammer for what he did to this sweet little baby, Lucifer really loved Jack deep down he would have been a better dad if he got the chance :(

millennial white woman who thirsts for pedro pascal: unmmmmm you can find this grown 35 year old man hot but the character he plays with no physical distinction whatsoever is basically intellectually disabled (wears Velcro shoes) so you’re a creep if you like them

Brazilian editor that posts dubbed 1080HD embossed power scaling edits with epileptic-unsafe flash effects and transitions like 2016 PowerPoint slideshows 🇧🇷🇧🇷 : Goku pode derrotar Jack Kline?

Russian editor that posts dubbed 1080HD embossed power scaling edits with epileptic-unsafe flash effects and transitions like 2016 PowerPoint slideshows 🇷🇺: Сможет ли Гоку победить Джека Клайна?

13yo iPad raised heartstopper fan who just got into spn recently: I love jack so much they’re so badass and silly, beautiful boy and this other song by Olivia Rodrigo/Melanie/Taylor/Billie/the NBHD is so them core

13yo iPad raised heartstopper fans and millenial white women (Alex’s version) and a Brazilian fans: ommgggggg i loovee alex hes so hawt he’s literally my husband 😍😍😍 so innocent as jack but not in real life 😝😝 I’m such a simp for himm teeheee

spn content maker who really only cares about destiel or the original trio: yea he’s okay, killing Mary was the best thing he ever did to the show 😝😝

very small cluster of ppl who could fall into any of the top categories honestly: he so find i won’t him

[milkloafy]

PLAYING FAVORITES — ALHAITHAM

⋆｡˚ ❀ summary: alhaitham is a strict landlord. he hates when people leave the front door unlocked, he hates when people forget to put their dishes away. but most of all, he hates when people do not use coasters! ⋆｡˚ ❀ contents: fluff, crack LOL, roommate au, reader is roomies with alhaitham and kaveh :3, kaveh is kaveh, alhaitham is kinda silly goofy, alhaitham kinda simping for reader :> as he should

Not many things annoyed Alhaitham. 

He paused, thinking about that statement for a while. It was a lie. 

Many things did, in fact, annoy him.

But in this moment, nothing irked him more than the sight of a glass of ice water melting on his nice wooden table with no coaster underneath. And he suspected he knew exactly who the culprit was. 

“Kaveh,” said Alhaitham in frustration, his voice tired and short. “How many times do I have to tell you to use a coaster? I don’t buy them for no one to use.”

Kaveh had just taken one step into the house, and before he had a chance to breathe in the familiar air, Alhaitham was already on his case. Typical behavior for these two former friends. 

With a roll of his eyes, Kaveh sighed in indignation. “And how many times do I have to tell you, I started using those hideous coasters after the first time you told me!”

“Do you see the glass of water full of condensation on the table?” asked Alhaitham, folding his arms across his chest. He was unamused. He knew Kaveh was the cause of this. Who else could it possibly be? 

“Yes, that’s how I know it wasn’t me this time.”

Alhaitham raised his brow in question. 

“Do you think I drink water?” Kaveh retorted. “If that were my glass, it’d be wine.”

A snort escaped Alhaitham’s mouth but he didn’t reply. As much as he hated to admit it, Kaveh had a point. 

“But then, who else could have done such an atrocious, uncivilized, crass thing—?”

“Good morning, guys!” 

Alhaitham glanced down a hall and saw your sleepy but smiling figure rubbing at your eyes and yawning.  

“What’s all the noise about?” you wondered, shuffling over to the wooden kitchen table and taking a sip of melted ice water from the glass without a coaster underneath it. “You woke me up from my nap.”

His eyes widened at the sight before attempting to regain composure. Unfortunately for Alhaitham, Kaveh noticed as well. 

“Hah!” Kaveh let out a loud, incredulous laugh, looking pointedly at Alhaitham and wiping a tear of pleasure away. “I love saying this— I told you so!”

Alhaitham glared at him to shut up. 

“What did you tell him?” you asked, gaze bouncing between the two men in front of you, both confused and intrigued. 

“That I’m not the uncivilized roommate this time!” 

You blinked. “Pardon?”

“You don’t use a coaster,” explained Kaveh, speaking up for Alhaitham since Alhaitham seemed to be tongue-tied. “And our landlord over there is pissy about the melted ice staining his precious wood table.”

Your mouth opened in realization and you immediately turned to Alhaitham with apologetic eyes. “Can a glass of water really do that to such sturdy wood? I’m sorry, I didn’t know…”

Kaveh waited expectantly for the scolding to come. Alhaitham would rip you apart like he did Kaveh, and Kaveh would get to say he was right all along. And perhaps, Alhaitham would even feel a little guilty for assuming the worst of him.

But instead, all Kaveh heard Alhaitham say was, “It’s okay.”

“What—?” Kaveh protested, but was pointedly ignored. 

“Water can be wiped off the surface,” Alhaitham said, trying to reassure you. “In most cases, the stains can be removed if you know how to remove them.” 

Your body relaxed at his words and you smiled sheepishly at him. “Oh, that’s a relief! Still, I don’t want to risk ruining your furniture!” 

The corner of Alhaitham’s lips twitched into a small smile of his own. “I have coasters laid out on most tables. They might be effective in preventing water stains in the future.”

Nodding profusely, you reached toward the center of the dining table and clutched a coaster between your hands. “I will use this all the time!” you promised. “And, I’m sorry again…”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Alhaitham with a shrug. 

Kaveh stood there watching the bizarre interaction with his mouth agape. “What kind of favoritism is this?”

Alhaitham glared at Kaveh as you asked him, “What do you mean?”

“Ask the landlord,” Kaveh deadpanned. 

When you looked at Alhaitham, all he could do was hide a smile. Maybe he did play favorites at times. But when it came to you, how could he not? Alhaitham was levelheaded and rational when it came to most things, so he figured it was okay for him to lead with his emotions for just one thing in his life for once— You. 

Laughing to himself, Alhaitham decided Kaveh would simply have to get over it. 

[priniya]

hi lovie! could you do some percy (or leo, maybe both?? i love them sm hahaha) headcanons abt dating an aphrodite’s child?

I COMPLETELY LOVE THE IDEA OMG??? tysm for requesting anon <3

sorry if it’s not like you imagined it😭 it’s my first time with headcanons like that

dating percy as an aphrodite’s child would include . . .

okay you all gotta admit that if percy could, he would brag about his partner being so beautiful that no one can compete with them

i feel like he’s at the university and some guys are talking and he just waits for a chance to show you off and be like “they are literally a goddess’ child”

BUT IN FRONT OF YOU??? he’d get so awkward even if you were dating for so long

also i’m 100% sure annabeth would sometimes point it out and laugh at the way he turns into a hot mess around you

but tbh you thought it was cute, cus let’s be real. it’s percy jackson, if you weren’t a hot mess around him as well, who would you be?

if you two are sent on a mission together, he rarely thinks about himself first, always making sure you’re okay before he checks himself

in his dorm he probably has pictures of you sticked to the wall in like a heart shape and his roommates might make fun of him for being such a simp but those photos gives him strength whenever you two are apart 🔥

he’s all in for that relationship, he even officially introduced you to both his parents and paul

you taught him how to braid hair and whenever you stay at his mom’s he braid his sister’s hair under your supervision ☹️☹️

when he started dating you he probably became such a gossip guy LIKE hear me out, he started paying attention to details and people’s behavior to talk about it with you

“you won’t believe what i heard today from piper.” “nah, she didn’t told me about it directly, her body language did.”, “i know right, how could he do that to her?”

he’s all in for the tea‼️‼️‼️

OH and also when you began dating he started paying more attention to jewellery and his outfits upgraded so much??

HE IS ALSO SO JEALOUS OF YOU AND HE KISSES YOU IN PUBLIC WHEN HE CATCHES A GUY LOOKING YOUR WAY

“i know you’re a child of aphrodite but these people gotta know i am your ares. or hephaestus.” “wait, am i your ares or hephaestus?”

dating leo as an aphrodite’s child would include . . .

this man is head over heels for you, and i know i said percy also is head over heels for his partner but LEO is on different level

he often drags you to the bunker whenever he feels like it and make you sit there with him, while he crafts something (mostly for you)

that man dedicates all his work for you, like

“oh this? i made it for yn cus they said [insert thing] fall apart so i just… did it.”

ngl he is kind of insecure that you’d left him for a child of ares just like your mother did to his father. even though you reassure him he’s the one on your mind, it still stings him sometimes

getting an approval from your mom wasn’t even that hard as you thought it could be. though she wasn’t exactly the most delighted you were in love with her husband’s child but… love is love right?

pet names in spanish ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

n you would pick it up and surprise him by calling him something in spanish <3

EVEN THOUGH he’s insecure about history repeating itself he jokes about it way too much sometimes 😭😭

brags to jason about you so much jason wants to off himself and i am not kidding

he once asked you to charm-speak him just to see how it feels

“what? don’t be like that, mi amor. i gotta know what’s your power’s like in case you do it subconsciously.”

(that’s literally the dumbest excuse you’d ever hear but didn’t care, considering it was your boyfriend who asked)

MANY people says you remind them of charlie and silena and when you heard it for the first time, you broke down crying because it was such a good compliment

[emmyrosee]

“If I die one more time because you guys say some fuck shit, you’re getting banned.”

Kenma’s been on this boss for hours. Well, an hour and twenty three minutes, to be exact, as his recording time so graciously wouldn’t let him forget. In his chat, there’s a flurry of people who backseat him to tell him how to beat the boss (mods will take care of them later, but it’s still obnoxious), people laughing and a few encouraging comments being tacked on with some generous donations.

At this point, he just wants to end the stream and beat it in the focus of his own company.

But he won’t. Because it’s his job or whatever.

“Kenny?” A voice calls: your voice. Kenma softens and turns to the door, ignoring his character as it dies again. “I bought you some munchies since you didn’t answer my text.”

“Hey princess,” he hums, smiling and leaning his head back against the chair. “Sorry i didn’t get back to you, I’m in the fuckin’ thick of it. How was lunch?”

“It was good,” you say, smiling and bending down to kiss his nose. “The girls say hi and that they’ll watch later; whatcha doin’?”

Kenma gives you a groan of exhaustion, “I’m suffering, that’s what. This game is horrifically hard.”

“I told you it would be, Ken.” Despite your ‘I told you so’, he chuckles and puckers his lips out for a proper kiss, which you comply with happily. In your peripheral, chat spams with orange hearts- your designated emoji amongst his fans- and puke faces for the affection you two just shared.

He hums and pulls away softly, “you wanna give it a whirl? Maybe some new eyes will make this shit easier.”

“You’re the gamer in this dynamic babe,” you snort. Despite this, you scoot to the side so he can get up and switch places with you, watching with a smile as you get settled in his oversized chair.

Chat explodes with an absolute inflation of orange hearts, flowing a mile a second, and it makes you smile to be seen in such a positive light, even if this is far from the first time they’ve seen or supported you.

“Hi guys!” You say eagerly, grabbing the controller while he leans over the back of the chair. The chat quickly fills up with words of wisdom and “GOOD LUCKS!” while Kenma plants a kiss to your cheek. “What do I have to do?”

“Basically just beat the boss; I’ve found that kinda breaking the game by rolling behind the boss and then pressing ‘y’ for the super attack is best, but hey. I’ve also been stuck on this boss since you left, so I don’t really know anything.”

“Thanks for the help,” you snort, but with a roll of your shoulders to get comfortable, you take on the task.

And it goes well! For the first few seconds.

Slowly then after, it turned into you running away from the boss and blaming Kenma- in your defense, he likes his buttons to do certain things, it’s different than you are used to!- while all along, trying to roll behind the boss to swing at his back.

It’s very amusing to everyone but you.

“How are you so bad at this?” He cackles, and you quickly try to shush him.

“Shut up!” You giggle, shaking your head. Your character lays a slash of their sword, but the game doesn’t seem to register it- if anything, your character gets the hit.

“No! Fuck!” You cackle out a whine, while behind you Kenma tugs at his hair in amused disbelief.

“Please- dear god, I will buy you a ring right now if you just get one hit on this boss-“

“DONT SAY THAT!” You whine, hands immediately starting to shake as you tap mercilessly on the buttons, cheeks ablaze while the grin on your face refuses to falter.

This, to your distracted dismay, causes chat to explode, taking your already shaky focus and making it somehow less existent.

dankondits: you’re making the poor lady stressed!

notakodzukenfan: I’ll marry her no cap-

notemmyrosee: 🧡🧡🧡

slobonthyknob: Kodzuken simp, confirmed???

lasagnahypeeee: our baby streamer growing up ;-;

corner.of.internet: when she’s bad at video games but still a 10>>>>

Thank you kuroosassscheek for the 15000 bits: BUY THE WOMAN A RING BEFORE I DIE OF OLD AGE!

“Kuroo, not helping!” You whine, cheeks an absolute scorch while all Kenma does behind you is snicker. Traitor.

Between the absolute unsupportive nature of your boyfriend and all eyes of the Internet being on you as you fail over and over again, you finally cave and give up.

With a pout, you plant the controller back on the desk, letting the opponent hit you with its many attacks, all the while your character grunts in pain. You must look like a child, because the next thing you feel is Kenma’s lips against your cheek, and it causes that pout to finally break up. “You did good,” he praises. “It’s a hard boss; I’m glad you tried it.”

“Me too,” you confess. You lean in to give him a proper kiss, laughing into it as Kenma holds his large hand up, as if to shield the affection from his watchful viewers. You part with a nudge of his nose, and when his hand comes down, you lace your fingers with his. “It was fun, but I think I’ll leave the gaming to you.”

slimesloppy_: EWWWWWWWW

bosscat867: awww dad’s in love 🧡🧡🧡

razzledazzletoes: UR A COUPLE OF SLUTS!!

zedlerlover: use protection kids

anameicantpronouce: 🧡🧡🧡

blitznbawls: 🧡🧡🧡

brucespringsteendaddy: follow for more tips and tricks

tinytivvies: mrs kodzuken 🧡🧡🧡

“Fair enough,” he chuckles, standing back up to let you slip out of the gaming chair. Your eyes avoid chat, you see all the laughing stickers scrolling though, and you shake your head as your hands reach for the headset.

“Alright chat. Here’s Kodzuken. Hope you enjoyed the interlude.” You push up and out of the chair, letting Kenma slip right in and take your spot. As you turn to leave, you offer him one last call- “oh! When you do buy that engagement ring, I expect no less than 6 karats.”

“Yeah yeah yeah,” he scoffs, watching you leave with a cheesy smile on his face. He turns back to the camera and slips his headset back on, “dummy. Got you one with 10, you think this is my first day?”

Chat once again explodes with excitement while Kenma merely smirks and goes back to his game, looking at the boss with new eyes and the chat focused on something else.

[sturnlova]

Gonna hear you (M.S)

(Matt Sturniolo x Female reader)

( Warning : Smut of course , fluff, new to writing, long asf sorry i got carried away 😭 , not proofread but when is it? that’s all i think )

( Word count : Around 850 )

( Send requests!!!)

Y/N POV:

I walked in the house shared with Nick, Chris and my boyfriend Matt and placed my keys on the key bowl on the wooden table. I could hear muffled screams saying “You IDIOT!!“ “How’d you mess it up” “IT WAS AN ACCIDENT“ i knew at this point they were playing Fortnite i didn’t know if they were streaming though.

I walked into Nick’s room to say hi as i always do, stumbled my way to Chris’ room and gave him a hi before i walked to matt room. I finally reached matt’s room kissed him on the cheeks and moved his headphones to whisper in his ear “hi pretty boy, how are you you?” he blushed at my words and pressed a button on his keyboard to say “ hi sweetheart i’m good, but better now that your here “ I looked at the camera as he unmuted and waved a quick hello.

His stream was going crazy as they read what our mouths said and went wild over the nick names, it made me giggle.

Time skip

I just finished my shower and left my clothes on matt’s bed well he was still on stream. Fuck. What do. i called matts name as he went on mute and asked “what’s wrong? “ I stepped to show my naked body but still out of frame for them steam couldn’t see me.

All his blood travelled straight to his pants and made an obvious bludge in grey sweatpants, i couldn’t help but giggle at the fact i made him this way.

He turned his camera off and threw me my top but nothing else. He instructed me to his lap, i quickly followed like a dog following the smell of food. He pulled his pants down and jerked his 8 and half inches before allowing his self in me. We have tried cock warming a couple of times it always ended in him fucking me.

He turned the camera on along with the mic, i could hear Nick and Chris talk about how he was such a simp for me. Matt just told them to shut up and continued the game of Fortnite for an hour or two. Every time he would laugh or get angry he would thrust up and make me whine.. i moaned a bit to loud into the mic a bit to many times. fuck i could not stay quiet for the life of me. Matt moved his hands to my hips and squeezed them to tell me to shut it along with his whisper yell“ There gonna hear you”

But holy shit i couldn’t handle it, i started to grind on him and didn’t stop, matt turned his camera and mic off and told me if i didn’t stop his gonna end up fucking me.. but shit that didn’t sound like a bad idea ?? He turned everything back on and i continued doing my actions. Matt game skills were shit at this point, i could hear Nick say “ Matt are you feeling okay? your game is worse than mine lmao 🤣” Matt responded with “ actually i’m not feeling that good, ima head off now..” They said there byes and matt said bye to chat and turned discord call off along with twitch.

Matt took me off his lap and spoke into my ear “ you wanna be a slut and want my brothers and over 20k people hear you moan? knowing they are gonna hear, than your gonna get fucked like one.” the way he spoke just made me get wetter to the point were i was leaking onto my thighs since i had no underwear one.

He gave me no warning and thrusted into me.. he didn’t need to stretch me as he already cock already did the job. Fuck the speed he was at was a speed that i’ve never experienced, but holy shit i loved it. I was begging under him, screaming his name like a chant.

After 3 orgasms and Matt not stopping i couldn’t even moan i just had my mouth in a ‘o’ shape and heavy loud breaths. I couldn’t take it anymore and matt saw it on my face and spoke “ you can take it i know you can, i can take it so can you, plus remember you’re the one who couldn’t wait, one more baby please baby i know you got this” i really couldn’t. Shit after he kept going i couldn’t do it i screamed out safe word “ketchup” repeatedly. i know it’s a silly safe word but it worked.

Matt stopped immediately and was so worried asking if i was okay and if he went too far, I reinsured him telling him i was okay and that i was more than okay i just couldn’t handle the over stimulation. Matt hurried off to the bathroom and grabbed a wet hand towel to clean me up and then cleaned him self up.

Matt checked his phone and saw 3 messages from chris …

[who-can-touch-my-boob]

<- Sanemi simp posts masterlist

WARNING: ME ANGRY (not 4real just dramatic)

I’ve seen not one but TWO posts about Sanemi’s “tiny” feet, and that’s two posts too many! I’m here to protect my man’s honour and explain why he might not have as large feet as many other men! (assuming this was an intentional character design and canon)

(this is me fighting everyone laughing at Sanemi’s foot size)

DISCLAIMER: this is my own thoughts and headcanons (which I will force everyone to believe too)

•

Now, to begin this with actual facts; y’all are being real meanies for laughing or making fun of him having smaller feet. Luckily he’s a fictional character, but I hope you’re not doing it to people irl! That could make someone really self conscious or insecure because we can’t really do anything about foot size (and it is proven that the size of a foot has nothing to do with the snake).

Back to my own theory/headcanon where I’ve done literally no research behind my statements.

Sanemi grew up poor, like really fucking poor. He was abused, forced to become an adult at an early age (y’all know the drill so I won’t type out his whole traumatic past because I’ll just start crying).

He most likely didn’t have proper nutrition, footwear or other things to make sure he as a child had a healthy physical health.

And I have no idea if that actually has anything to do with growing feet or limbs, so I’m just spewing out based on assumption. On top of that some even compared his feet to Kyojuro who was raised on a wealthy household, shame!!!

On the picture below (it’s crappy because I took it with my phone on the tv), you see Sanemi and Genya walking. Sanemi is pulling the heavy cart and they never specify how old he is, but assuming he’s 21 in current time and Genya is 16(?), so here Genya is probably 9-10 years old which means Sanemi is 14/15 years old AND LOOK HOW SMALL HE IS?

Well if he is younger I’m still shooked at the fact that his little brother who’s 5 years younger is almost as tall as him.

BUT DO YOU SEE WHAT ELSE? THEY’RE NOT WEARING SHOES!!!

And before y’all say shit like “but Genya’s feet aren’t tiny” DO I NEED TO REMIND YOU SANEMI IS 5 YEARS OLDER AND WAS WALKING AROUND LIKE THAT WAY LONGER.

Sorry for shouting, lost my cool for a second.

this post became longer than expected, I just woke up and chose violence.

Bye

[intotitties]

mm maybe a hazel x cheerleader!gf!reader where reader is a little taller than hazel and usually wears heels and that makes her taller and more intimidating, as if the majority of the school pisses themselves in fear every time she passes by except for hazel who only looks at her with heart eyes. Obviously all this if you feel comfortable!

Hazel Callahan x reader

warnings: cursing, mention of broken bones

a/n: it took sm time to write this bc i had 72817938 ideas at the same time but i love the idea

-ˋˏ ༻❀༺ ˎˊ-

-ˋˏ ༻❀༺ ˎˊ-

You were one of the popular cheerleaders who has always been told that she looks scary. When people in the school hear a characteristic noise of heels they immediately get out of the way, knowing that you are coming. Everyone feared you.. except for her.

— Morning Hazee - you hugged your girlfriend from the back in front of the girls from the fight club that she was a member of.

— O-oh good morning - she blushed at your gesture.

— Are we still up for tonight? - you pecked her cheek.

Hazel nodded slightly, her friends from the fight club looking at you both like they couldn’t believe their eyes.

You ran your hand through her hair and left to the class with a smile on your face. The only thing you could hear was Hazels friends whispering behind your back.

— I don’t know what you see in her - Britt said as she sat down on her table.

— Good, i hope no one else than me does - you winked at her.

— No but really, she’s a weirdo - said Isabel.

— You’re literally crushing on Josie, you don’t have the right to speak up - you giggled at which she just rolled her eyes.

— Anyways, are you going to train the choreography with us later? - Brittany asked.

— Isn’t the gym taken by the fight club after lessons? - you looked at your friends.

— We can just tell them that we need to practice, gyms big I’m sure we won’t be disturbing them a lot - she answered before the class started.

-ˋˏ ༻❀༺ ˎˊ-

As soon as the lessons ended, you, Brittany and Isabel went straight to the gym.

Girls from the fight club had already started and you could see Hazel and PJ throwing punches at eachother.

— Hi girls! - Isabel came closer - Would you mind if we use the corner to train our choreography? - she smiled.

— No! - Josie answered immediately - I mean.. go ahead, please - she corrected herself nervously.

She’s such a simp.

You sent a smile to your girlfriend and went to the corner with your friends.

The time passed quickly and in nice atmosphere. You noticed a lot of looks in your direction, which made you smile a little bit.

You were doing the last step of the choreography - backflip. You’ve always feared it the most of all the acrobatic stuff you’ve learned.

But instead of landing on the ground, you tripped on a ball and fell down with a scream.

— Oh my god ladies i’m so sorry, it was supposed to be them! - Tim ran to you immediately.

Of course, he wanted to eliminate the club members.

— You’re pathetic Tim - Isabel said while helping you to stand up.

— Fuck! - you hissed - I swear if you broke my arm, i will end your sad little life.

— Slay girl! You tell him! - Sylvie hyped you up.

— I said that im sorry, now you’re just being dramatic - he said.

— Yeah? So im gonna tell you something - you said quieter - I’ve got videos from the last party and guess who’s the main character? - you looked at him with a smirk on your face - you. so you better leave the club alone, and be more careful next time - your smirk disappeared with the end of the sentence.

You waved him goodbye as he left without any words.

Before you could say anything you felt Hazels body crashing into yours and her messy kisses on your lips. It took you a while to turn it into a gentle yet passionate kiss.

— Thank you so much for dealing with him for us! - she wanted to hug you but you stopped her.

— Please call a doctor first.. im gonna pass out - you said as you looked at the bone sticking out of your arm.

-ˋˏ ༻❀༺ ˎˊ-

[loveydovey-leviathan]

(hi im the one that asked abt teen!reader) thanks for ur answer !! :D i’m 17 myself so i didn’t intend to send in anyth w a younger reader haha ^^

my req was that i wanted to ask for hcs w the cast abt how they’d react to (teen) reader fawning over their crush (from the human world LOL), it’s platonic either way so i’m not sure if adding teen here makes a difference.. 🤔

obey me x gn! teen! reader

a/n: -> written as platonic. had a lot of fun doing this request! i feel like the core difference when adding teen to the mix instead of an implied adult reader is that the bros would definitely be more protective. if mc/reader is an adult who has a crush on some random human, then they wouldn't be as scrutinizing of them.

cw: ooc. brothers only (minus satan). a lot of repeating words and sentences

.

𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐑:

He jokes about seeing his little siblings as babies still, but there is definitely an element of truth to them.

When he first finds out about your little crush, he kind of just shrugs it off. It's normal for people to develop little crushes every now and again.

But he starts getting slightly irritated when he hears you fawning. Despite that, he makes sure to listen to you.

If he worries that it might be getting serious, he makes sure to give you a lecture about what you deserve talk to you.

He isn't going to stop you from having a crush but if he thinks they're not good for you, you'll be hearing from him a lot lol.

If they hurt you in some way, they will be facing... certain repercussions.

If you want to visit them, he is not the brother you should ask because he'll most likely say no unless it's a really dire emergency.

Overall, pretty chill considering how overprotective he is as long as he deems them worthy of someone he cares about.

𝐌𝐀𝐌𝐌𝐎𝐍:

He's freaking out.

Definitely the brother who spoils and makes time to hang out with you the most, so when he hears about your crush, he becomes a goddamn investigator.

Keeps asking questions about what they like, what they do in their free time, how much you like them. Once he's finished with the interrogation, he side-eyes you like you just told him you loved rainbow pizza (he finds that shit disgusting).

He's so annoying about your crush, I'm sorry. Whenever you bring them up in a conversation, he makes sure to complain and roll his eyes.

If you want to visit them, he's your go-to big bro. It does not take a lot of convincing to make him teleport you to a hang-out.

But even if he is a little shit about it, he still makes sure to listen carefully when you talk about them and reminds you that they "better be treatin' you right".

𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍:

Him and Asmo are the best to talk to about your crush. They WILL listen no matter what.

As long as you listen about his crushes, he's more than happy to listen about yours.

If you're crush is someone you can hang out with and not like a celebrity crush, he lowkey gets kinda jealous 'cuz all of his crushes are either fictional or really popular, so he doesn't get to do that not like he would have the guts to anyway.

Will not put in the effort to help you in visiting them, but he will buy a bunch of equipment so you can talk to them through facetime and gaming (it comes with a pretty heavy price though).

𝐀𝐒𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐄𝐔𝐒:

He's so happy that you have someone to like in that way <3

Your talks last for literal hours into the night. If you're into make-up, nail art or skin care, he'll definitely help you when the two of you gossip.

He has the juiciest details in his relationships and will tell you almost everything, but he won't push you to do the same.

As much as he likes to have fun, he probably gives the most solid advice and encourages you to go for it the most out of the rest of his brothers.

He won't help you visit the human world though. Too much work.

𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐙𝐄𝐁𝐔𝐁:

Is the most nonchalant about the whole thing.

As long as you give him something to eat, he'll listen to you simp.

Isn't really interested in your crush but he makes note of the important things like how they treat you and what they like just in case he meets them.

If they hurt you, he won't do anything rash because he doesn't want to embarrass you, but he'll push you to try and let go.

If he thinks they're nice, he won't really mention asking them out officially and just reckons you'll do it in your own time.

Doesn't give much input and mostly quietly listens, other than a few nods, hums, burps and growls here and there.

He'll help you visit the human world if you give him the right food. If it's not good enough, he won't do much and deems it too much trouble. Lucifer might put him on dinner duty and force him to not "taste-test" the food.

𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐆𝐎𝐑:

He is the worst listener of all. He does not care in the slightest.

Any time you rant to him about the person you like, he will fall asleep in 2 minutes flat.

The only time he'll put effort into anything that has to do with your crush is when they make you sad. He's lazy as shit but it's for you so he'll attempt to make your crush's life a very big minor inconvenience for a few days as revenge. He'll also try to convince you to join him btw.

[randomness-is-my-order]

ok so this might be more prominent on pjotwt than the reddit or tumblr parts of the fandom but the whole joke/meme thing of “annabeth fell first but percy fell harder!!!” or “percy fell first and hard!!” and the just the general way percabeth is portrayed in the succinct jokes kind of tickles my hardass brain the wrong way.

i’m so sorry to all percy/annabeth fell first/harder truthers but i kinda hate caricaturing their relationship into these fixed loser-in-love checkboxes because, well, i don’t think it matters who fell first but only that they BOTH should have fallen equally as hard. ik the “harder” is to kinda balance the, uhhhh, loser energy of the one who fell “first” but again, something rubs me the wrong way about the jokes.

i love percabeth because they stand on equal footing, love each other equally as intensely and are the perfect foils and thereby strengths of each other.

and no, percy is not a yes-man for annabeth–he gets angry at her, annoyed by some of her choices, calls her out when it matters. it would not have made him a better boyfriend if he always just followed along with whatever annabeth wanted as some people portray him. that would have been devastating for their relationship. annabeth is not perfect, she is so wonderfully, beautifully, humanly flawed but she tries her very best to be a good partner for percy, as does he for her, and that's why they’re so special to me.

i see these captions of 12 yr old percy & annabeth from the show–a smug tone saying percy doesn’t know that he will give up godhood for the girl who he currently wishes would leave him alone or that annabeth doesn’t know that she will cry her heart out for the boy she currently is annoyed by and that––that puts everything into perspective. percy and annabeth don’t instantly like each other. they warm up gradually, become friends and then lovers.

they are allowed to be pissed at, annoyed by, tired of each other. they are allowed to disagree with each other. they are allowed to be minor rivals. they are allowed to hurt each other. all this, they are allowed to do and will do before and after they get together. their relationship will mature and so will they but their dynamic is so much more than just simple simping, or yes-manning.

because most important of all is that they challenge each other.

they are very different people who still managed to find common ground to nurture their relationship.

they fell for each other after they got to know each other. but again, it really doesn’t matter to me when which one fell for the other because i know that when they did, they fell equally as hard.

so yeah, i hope i’m not ruining the fun of the jokes but i’m anal and get annoyed by really small things so. you do you, really.

[controlmyfeet]

dad!matty is everything to me. maybe something with reader having a grand reveal that she is pregnant and matty losing his mind and after the news he always keeps his hand on her belly AHHHHh!

when we are together - matty healy

future dad!matty healy x reader

fluff

warnings: emetophobia, pregnancy, simp matty

a/n: at first i loved this, then i hated it, and now i think i like it. i hope you do too. also to everyone that sent requests, i saw them and i’m working on them but it’s going to take a while! thank you for your patience <3

2463 words

i thought the nausea was just a consequence of the migraine i had at the beginning of the week. for the past month, i’ve been trying to adapt to my new job. i’ve been working at the same place for almost a year, but recently i moved to a new department, and everything has been so stressful that i haven’t been sleeping or eating enough, but it’s been two days, and i am once again spilling whatever i had for dinner down the toilet.

it’s 3 a.m. and matty has been to go to the studio early in the morning, so i decided not to wake him up. but when i hear our bedsheets rustle a little louder and the sound of the bathroom door sliding open, i realize it was no use.

“oh baby,” he says softly and reaches towards the counter to grab a hair tie. he runs his fingers through my hair and puts it in a loose ponytail to keep it out of my face. “let go, you’re alright.”

he sits with me until after i’m done throwing up, his hands running up and down my back. i try to use the feeling of him to control my breathing.

“sorry i woke you up,” i say, still breathing heavily after a long silence, my arms propped on the toilet seat and my face still hovering over the toilet bowl, just in case.

“don’t apologize, darling” he squeezes my left shoulder and leaves a little kiss. i turn my face to look at him, eyebrows frowned, and lips pursed “i’m worried about you.”

“i probably got a stomach bug or something.”

i see his sleepy face flash with the sudden realization, “when was the last time you got you’re period?”

as soon as i hear those words, i feel a wave of panic wash over me. i was supposed to have my period almost two weeks ago. my period was mostly regular, maybe some days earlier or later, but never weeks. with all the stress and meetings at work, i must’ve forgotten about it.

“oh shit”

he tries not to laugh at my reaction, seeming too calm about this situation. we’ve talked about having children someday, but this is so sudden. we have nothing planned.

“i can run to the store and grab a few tests,” he says before i start overthinking. hands moving to cup my cheek so i can focus on him, his warm skin contrasting the cold toilet seat. “if you want that, of course.”

“yeah”

“okay, let me just grab a shirt then” he moves to stand up, way too excited for someone who woke up in the middle of the night to his girlfriend vomiting. but i quickly grab his arm, pulling him closer.

“matty, wait,” he shuffles closer to me and i hug his arm tighter. “and what if i really am pregnant?”

“we’ll do whatever you want,” he grabs my hand, pressing a kiss to my knuckles. “you know i’d love to have a baby with you, and i understand if now it’s not the best moment. but we could work it out, right? we’re in love, we’re settled, and we’re surrounded by people who love and care for us; we’d be alright.”

i nod and take a deep breath, feeling much happier and calmer about the situation. and also very grateful to have someone so understanding and loving by my side.

“do you want to lay for a bit, or do you want to stay here in case the nausea comes back?” he asks, still holding my hand.

“i’ll lay down, i don’t think there’s anything left”

slowly, he stands up and helps me get up. i turn to the sink and he helps me hold my balance on the counter, standing behind me while i brush my teeth and holding my waist so i can stand up straight.

“you know i love you no matter what, right?” i feel his lips moving against my hair after i spit out the toothpaste. “and having a baby would just make me love you even more.”

i turn around and wrap my arms around him, hiding my face in the crook of his neck and leaving a kiss there. “i love you too.”

matty helps me to bed and adjusts my pillow before grabbing a used shirt and his wallet. he sits with me for a while. calloused fingers stroking my hair softly and his low voice telling me i’ll be alright. we’ll be alright. he pecks my lips before telling me he’ll be right back.

before i can even hear our front door closing, my thoughts are already taken over by little feet, bouncy curls, and big brown eyes.

–

i realize i had fallen asleep only when i feel matty’s fingers brushing my hair away from my face and his lips pressing against my forehead. “you ready?” he whispers

we make our way to the bathroom, and i take the three tests he bought. i place them next to the sink and he sets a timer. before i can feel the anxiety creeping in once again, matty pulls me into his arms and rests his chin on the top of my head.

“i don’t know if this is more scary or exciting,” i whisper and wrap my arms around his waist tightly.

“i know, baby. but we’re in this together, okay? i’ll be here for anything you need.”

he runs his fingers through my hair, and i leave a kiss on his chest. the room is quiet for a while; the only noise i can hear are our breaths and his heartbeat. the silence makes my earlier thoughts come back. pink chubby cheeks, little hands wrapping around my finger. high-pitched giggles echoing throughout the house.

“i think we’d make pretty cool babies,” he says after a while, reading my thoughts.

“yeah?”

“yeah,” i can feel his grin on the top of my head. “half me, half you? that’s a recipe for the coolest kid ever.”

we stand holding each other in the middle of the bathroom until the timer goes off. hiding my smile on his chest as he kisses my head. when the ringtone echoes in the cold bathroom, i feel a rush of adrenaline running through my veins, and i’m pretty sure my hands start to shake.

“i’m not sure if i can look” i let a nervous laugh out and cover my face; he lifts a hand and softly caresses my arm.

“do you want to do it together? or do you want me to look first?”

“no…no, let’s do it together.” i cup his face and give him a chaste kiss.

matty takes each of the tests out of the little cup and turns it around. and as soon as he does, i see the two little red lines, and before i can even process it, matty is already looking at me, waiting for my reaction. but i can see the twinkle in his eyes and the smile he is trying to hold back and i let out a laugh.

“i’m pregnant,” my eyes crowd with happy tears threatening to spill over “we’re having a baby!”

“yeah?” he asks, fully smiling now. i can just nod. and smile.

matty wraps his arms tightly around my waist and lifts me, peppering kisses all over my face. his laugh mixed with sobs. i hold him just as tightly.

“oh darling, i love you so much.” his voice is muffled as he rests his head on the crook of my neck, tears of joy dampening my skin.

“i love you too, matty,” i reply, nuzzling my face in his hair “i can’t wait to see you with our little baby.”

i feel his grip tighten around me, more than i thought possible. face still hidden in my neck and leaving little kisses there.

“you’re going to be the hottest mum ever.” he lifts his head to give me a heartfelt kiss when i start laughing, “best mum too.”

–

it’s been a few weeks since we found out i’m pregnant, so to enjoy the little free time the boys had before going back on tour, matty and i decided to host a sunday lunch at our house. we haven’t told the news to anyone besides our parents. we wanted to enjoy it by ourselves for a bit, even though i worried at first that denise’s enthusiasm would give it away.

i was chopping up some peaches for the pasta salad recipe i saw on tiktok while sitting on a stool. i usually would do this standing up, but matty has been watching over me like a hawk and insisted that i sit down, saying that i shouldn’t overwork my body. whatever that means, i guess. i haven’t even started showing yet, i can’t even imagine how he will act when my bump starts growing.

he comes into the kitchen carrying a few packs of beer and some of the extra ingredients i asked him to buy, and settles everything on the counter. he steals a small piece of the peach i’ve been cutting and comes behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing a sloppy kiss to my cheek.

“how are you feeling, my love?” he asks, moving his right hand to rest on my stomach. i stop what i am doing and turn my head to face him.

“i’m good, i think the nausea phase might be coming to an end.” he nods and i place my hand on top of his. “you’re gonna have to be more discreet, y’know?”

“what do you mean?” he frowns and i fight the urge to run my thumb over the crease between his eyebrows.

“i mean that if we’re going to keep a secret, you can’t be with your hands on my tummy all the time!” i explain while holding back a laugh. “and you also can’t treat me as if i was made of glass.”

“but i want to feel her!” he protests and his frown gets deeper as he tries to prove his point by pushing his hand more firmly on my belly. i move both of my hands to cup his face.

“baby, there is nothing to feel yet.” i try to be serious, but matty’s desolate face sends me into a fit of giggles, “and you don’t even know if it is a her, we won’t know for a few months still.”

my attempt to reason with him completely fails as his face turns into one of shock, as if the things i was saying were the most absurd he’s ever heard “oh, i know we are having a little girl, alright? i’m a hundred percent certain.”

still laughing at my boyfriend’s antics, i give up on reasoning and entirely turn around, wrapping my arms around his neck and bringing his lips to mine.

–

adam and carly were the first ones to arrive, with little baby hann clinging onto both of their hands. soon, ross arrived with his girlfriend, anna, and matty started grilling the burgers, knowing that george and charli would most likely be late as usual. after our talk in the kitchen, he sulked but understood that he couldn’t be on me all the time or it would look suspicious. sure, he is an affectionate person, but with how he acted, everyone would notice that there was something more to it. still, he would go out of his way to pull my chair and refill my water while not subtly caressing my belly.

i had told everyone i wouldn’t be able to drink since i would have a medical checkup the following day and had to do some routine blood tests. which wasn’t exactly a lie, but i was leaving some crucial information out, of course. so when george and charli showed up with an entire jar of clericot, i knew we’d have some problems.

she bought my excuse at first, sharing most of the drink she made with carly and anna, but after two glasses, she started getting a little persistent.

“girl, i made this whole jar of clericot just because i know you like it!” charli complained, almost pouting at this point. and it really is one of my favorite beverages for the summer, but it’s not worth it. i can see matty at the grill giving me not-so-subtle glances as if to say, ‘don’t do it’.

“i can’t, charli, it’ll mess up my tests,” i tried to reason while nibbling on a slice of seasoned peach, but george’s girlfriend is just as stubborn as my own boyfriend.

“oh c’mon, just one glass won’t hurt,” she protested. “it’s not like you’re pregnant.”

as soon as the words leave her mouth, my eyes widen and matty turns his head so quickly that it might’ve given him whiplash. so much for being discreet. we exchange looks while my brain works to come up with something to back up my excuse.

“well, uhm, i–those are some very important tests i got to do.”

“oh yeah? what are they for?” carly–who usually would just watch and laugh at our banter–joins in, not at all convinced by my excuse.

“cholesterol?”

no one responds. the girls are exchanging suspicious glances with george and adam–whose little boy on his lap is too preoccupied with his toy cars to pay attention to the conversation–as i turn to matty, begging for some backup. he just looks at me nervously and shrugs.

“that is such bullshit!” ross, who had been helping matty at the grill, exclaims after almost a full minute of silence.

matty comes up behind me with a big smile and wraps his arms around my shoulder. “just tell them at this point, love,” he whispers just for me to hear and leaves an encouraging kiss on my neck.

“well?” charli asks, her eyes sparkling with anticipation. as well as everyone else’s in the room. i take a final look at matty before turning back to them.

“we’re pregnant!” i exclaim, now smiling so widely my cheeks hurt.

all i can hear is the cheer and the laughter from our friends as matty presses several kisses to my cheek before they come to congratulate us. i stand up from my chair as soon as adam pulls matty into a hug and ross is the first one to embrace me, soon followed by charli.

the day resumes with a toast and lots of smiles after the food is served. adam and carly tell us stories of their baby boy, and george reminds us of all the anecdotes of the boys in their pre-teens. and i can’t help but think how it will be when our little one meets its lovely uncles and aunties.

[awakentrashpanda]

What the smiling critter you Simp for says about you 

Disclaimer do not take any of this seriously all of this is for the sole purpose of shits and giggles 

Bubba Bubbaphant

💡As a wise YouTuber once said, there’s people who are attracted to Daddies, and then there’s you, people who are attracted to fathers 

💡You like big men and you cannot lie you other brothers can’t deny (I’m sorry)

💡You’ve also got a thing for polite and classy men, you don’t just want some bum, you want a proper gentleman

💡You probably also like nerds

Dogday

☀️Himbo kisser/pos

☀️Also, I’m a little worried that you might be depressed because Dogday is a constant serotonin dispenser 

☀️You either are a serotonin dispenser or you need a serotonin dispenser 

☀️You’ve probably played Poppy Playtime chapter 3, or at least watch a playthrough of it 

☀️Also I’m willing to bet that cupid’s arrow immediately shot straight through your heart when  Dogday called us “angel”

PickyPiggy

🍎Mommy? Sorry

🍎You probably, if not definitely, like country girls 

🍎*Insert obligatory cannibal sympathizer joke here*

🍎You either are the parent friend in your group or you want to kiss the parent friend in your group 

🍎You either love cooking or you barely know shit about cooking and you want her to cook for you (only if she wants to, of course)

🍎Also you’re probably me 

CraftyCorn

🎨You love shy girls, and you love psycho bitches and with her you get both 

🎨I’m also willing to bet that you’re a Weeb 

🎨Or an artist 

🎨Probably both 

🎨You know the “I will protect this smile” meme? That’s basically you

Catnap

🌙First things first, please for the love of God tell me that you’re referring to the fandom version of cartoon catnap and NOT Theodore 

🌙Catboy kisser/hj

🌙You have a thing for villains, and/or villain-coded characters, and you’re not even remotely shy about it

🌙You know the song “Emo Boy”? That’s basically your theme song

🌙Also, your sleep schedule is probably a disaster

🌙If you play Stardew Valley I’m willing to bet that you married Sebastian 

KickinChickin

⭐️Your taste in men is dumb sons of bitches

⭐️You like men who end up doing something that is prefaced with the phrase “Hey y’all watch this” every single day 

⭐️You also probably had crushes on your high school bullies

Hoppy Hopscotch

⚡️There is nothing you want more in this world than Butch women 

⚡️Also, you probably either are, or know somebody, who drinks at least 3 5-hour energies a day 

⚡️In at least some way shape or form, you want the lesbian version of Kurt and Ram from Heathers 

⚡️You know those muscular women who look like they could benchpress a truck? that’s what you want 

Bobby Bearhug

❤️Very very affectionate 

❤️You probably need a hug 

❤️You also want a very protective woman 

❤️Also you might be into Yanderes 

❤️ if somebody asked you “man or bear?” you would immediately say bear in a heartbeat (and you are incredibly valid for that)

[ovaova]

🧡🅑🅐🅚🅤🅖🅞🧡

🧡🅕🅐🅜🅘🅛🅨🧡

💕🅗🅔🅐🅓🅒🅐🅝🅝🅞🅝🅢

Teehee a list of head cannons for family man Bakugo, I’m sorry but I’m such a simp for dilf Bakugo <3

No minors! If you get in some trouble, that ain’t on me 🤷🏽‍♀️

And if you know me…no you don’t 🙃

May have many typos but oops🤭

Oki babes enjoy <3

✧ ╚═*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*═╝ ✧

• Honestly…at first, he couldn’t see himself as a father- absolutely no way

• But oops, he got you pregnant 3 times so here we are 🤷🏽‍♀️

• First child was a boy and two after are girls

• During the first diaper change with his son, he got peed on 💀 one of his fav shirts too

• You can bet you laughed your ass off, and yeah he was mad but he’ll be okay 🤭

• He loves his kids with his whole heart but during them toddler years, he would hate when they ass got sick, wanna know why?

• SNOT BUBBLES AND CRUST-

• You know when kids (specifically toddlers) would get sick and they never wipe their nose so the mucus just stays there and clumps up and gets crusty 💀 yeah he hates that shit- but who wouldn’t?

• And he LOWKEY feels bad, cause his kids would just be jumping around him happy and shi to see their balding ass daddy but he can’t help but grimace at they nose

• “Hey c’mere for a second 💀-“ he would state all calmly and shi before basically wiping off their skin with a tissue

• yeah he don’t play bout that

• DO NOT LET THIS MAN PLAN NO VACATIONS- cause he’ll over do it 💀

• For example, one year yall took the kids to Disney World- BRUH, even when packing, this man was acting like if this trip didn’t go according to schedule- it was gonna kill him 💀

• But in reality he’s just super excited to take his family on vacation. While packing in yalls bedroom he would be like this-

• “So we’re going to animal kingdom on the first day, and then (C/N) wants to go see the princesses, and we’ll need matching shirts or something, oh and can’t forget new bathing suits bc (C/N) needs a new one and then they’ll all want one so everyone is gettin one- and you wanna go to Epcot and-“

• You would say he sounds like Izuku with all this muttering

• This man literally makes y’all be at the airport like 3 hours before the actual flight 💀

• “I wanna make sure we can get situated, I don’t feel like dealing with all those extra people-“

“Okay fair, BUT THREE HOURS? 💀”

• Most def has the dad airport pose, just standing there like “🧍🏼‍♂️ “ …especially at baggage claim

• Anyways, will always spoils y’all-

• On the plane? First class. Hotel? In Disney world where the park is walking distance. Parks? Basically all of em-

• He can’t help himself, you and him are always so busy with being heroes and parents so he can’t help but spoil the hell out of y’all even though he knows he shouldn’t as much as he does

• Most def one of those dads to y’all instead of stopping your kids when they fight

• Like when you’re at work or something, he’ll be baby sitting talking to Kirishima on the phone or whatever from the couch- and then he’ll hear scuffling loud noises coming from somewhere in yalls house

• “Yeah man and it was crazy, I think we should all get together and go one day-“

“Yeah hold up shitty hair, give me a minute- HEY, YALL BETTER NOT BE MESSING UP THIS DAMN HOUSE……………yeah definitely, we should get together,”

While Kirishima is still lon the line like 🧍🏼‍♂️

• Or like whenever they fight when your both cuddling at home and you’ll be looking at him, expecting him to stop them but he’ll just be like 🤨???

• “It builds character…that’s how I was raised and look I’m fine…“

😟 FINE WHERE?? (Everywhere)

• okay so idk but this was a memory I had with my dad, but I was a very hard headed kid and never knew when to stop asking for shit I didn’t know nothing about- specifically alcohol 💀

• Like I would always think It was juice and my dad would always say “no it’s not and it’s nasty, you’re not gonna like it-“ but I convinced my self that him and all adults were lying just so kids wouldn’t drink their “special juice”

• But ofc I was persistent and constantly kept asking and he finally let me take a swig and yeah I learned my lesson 💀

• But yeah I can see him possibly doin that 💀 it would be like-

“I want Juice-!”

“It’s not juice, it’s nasty, you won’t like it..”

“Yes it is, I want some of that Juice!!”

“It’s not juice-!”

“JUICE-“

“FINE- here DAMN, go ahead-“

*sips*

“EUGH-“

“YEAH- told you you wouldn’t like it. Now do you want more juice?”

“NO-“

“Yeah that’s what I thought…okay now go get some actual juice- I don’t want your mama on my case..“

• One of his fav things is to cook for his family, like if it was up to him, he would most def take on cooking every night but you won’t let him cause you don’t want him burnt out <3

• His middle daughter specifically loves to help him cook tho when she can, she’s most def his lil sous chef

• Loves to bake with him and everything, oml it’s so cute

• He tries his best to spend quality time with each of his kids, like with his son, going out into nature, his middle daughter, cooking, and his youngest daughter, designing things and dressing him up

• But whenever he spends time, that goes for you too

• Like any personal time he can get with you, he’ll take it

• like as soon as the kids go over to his parents for the weekend, oh yeah he’s all over you

• Grinding on you, eating you out like a starved man, letting you ride him whenever he gets a chance (yeah he’s trying to get all he can out of this weekend)

• And like you can be as loud as you want 🤭

• He most def walks around shirtless when no kids around, he has a bit of a dad bod but it’s still hawt and you can still see the scratch marks on his back from your last session tee hee

• He loves these intimate moments with you. They’re more of a need, but sometimes he puts too much into it 🤭

• And oops, there goes baby #4 🧍🏽‍♀️

• Welp that’s my take on Family Man Bakugo 🤷🏽‍♀️

⬇️Song of the day ⬇️

[pandenewie]

37 - It's Giving Grease

Prev | Masterlist | Next

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Y/n looks at their friends confused as they get into the backseat of Bahiyyih’s (brother’s) car. “Good morning to you guys too?” Y/n asks, eying the group suspiciously. “Are you sad again?” Eunchae asks, giving Y/n a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “Um… not any more than usual?” Y/n is beyond confused. 

“You’re dressed like a normal person.” Hikaru points out. “It’s gross.” Y/n screws their face up at her words, mildly offended at the comment. “Did you forget today's dress code protest?” Bahiyyih asks, causing Y/n to shrug. “No, I’m just not gonna do it.” 

The three friends gasp at this. Y/n not participating in a protest? Something must be truly wrong. “Look, it’s not that big of a deal, okay? I know Jungwon’s probably gonna be super stressed out because everyone’s protesting and I don’t want to add to that.” Y/n mumbles, the end of their sentence trailing off.

“And what if Jungwon participates in the protest?” Hikaru asks. Y/n deadpans at this, a gentle roll of the eyes showing they are not taking their friend seriously. “This is Jungwon we’re talking about. He follows rules and does what he’s told - protesting doesn’t fit into either of those things.” Y/n states. “I don’t know… maybe he’ll surprise you.” Eunchae smiles.

The school halls are filled with students from all walks of life - banning together to protest the dress code. Some keep it more simple, with extra jewellery or mildly-graphic shirts whilst others show up in jaw-dropping outfits, breaking the dress code in more ways than imaginable.

Y/n gets a few stares as they make their way down the hallway - most likely due to their lack of protest. Given the spectacles Y/n has put on throughout the year so far - not seeing them participate is certainly a shock. Although Y/n is technically still breaking the dress code (they can’t give up their ripped jeans) it’s not the outfit people were expecting.

“This is what you get for being a simp.” Hikaru whispers, earning an eye roll and jab to the side from Y/n. “You’re acting like I don’t love the attention.” Y/n whispers back snidely. Hikaru goes to reply with another sarcastic comment but gets distracted by the sound of Bahiyyih calling out to Wonyoung and Ricky.

“You guys all look so cute! Wait, you aren’t protesting Y/n?” Wonyoung asks, her attention turning to Y/n and their outfit. “Y/n’s trying to be a goody-two-shoes to impress Jungwon.” Eunchae says, nudging her friend playfully. “I’m not doing it to impress him.”  Y/n rolls their eyes. “I just don’t want to stress him out more than he already is, and participating in the protest would do that… no offence.”

“Wait, but Jungwon’s the one who-” Ricky is immediately cut off as Wonyoung slams her hand over his mouth. “Jungwon is probably stressing his poor little heart out. Maybe you could go talk to him, Y/n?” Wonyoung says, a stark contrast between her harsh glare at Ricky and her gentle smile at Y/n. “Uh… yeah, okay? Let me know how the protest goes.” Y/n says, waving goodbye to their friends before taking off down the hallway.

“You’re such an idiot sometimes.” Wonyoung immediately scolds as soon as Y/n is out of sight. “I’m sorry, I forgot they don’t know Jungwon planned this.” Ricky states, defensively. “You just need to stop talking in general.” Hikaru rolls her eyes. “Sorry, it’s not my fault I'm so talkative and charming.” Ricky smirks - letting out a yelp as Hikaru slaps his chest.

Y/n thought they knew exactly where Jungwon would be - but as they look around the library confused they see no sight of him. “Um… excuse me ma’am but have you seen Jungwon at all?” Y/n asks the librarian, who immediately lets out a sigh as their eyes scan Y/n up and down.

“Nice to see you’re finally cleaning up your act… but I better not see you two skipping class in here again.” She warns. Y/n nods obediently and the librarian points towards the far tables, where Y/n and Jungwon commonly sit. Y/n’s brows furrow - didn’t they check there?

Y/n thanks the librarian before making their way towards the back of the library. Only one student is sitting there, with their back to Y/n. The bright red hair throws them off for a second but as their eyes land on the schoolbag next to their feet - they immediately recognise a familiar cat keychain.

“Jungwon?” Y/n asks, unsure. The student turns around at the sudden voice - and Y/n immediately recognises him. After all, no one has ever looked at them the way Jungwon does. “...hi.” Jungwon says, biting his lip nervously. Y/n continues to look at him with wide eyes, their gaze locked on his fluorescent strawberry locks.

“...do you like it?”

Like it? He has the audacity to sit there, smiling innocently as if he doesn't look like the hottest new anime character and then ask if Y/n likes it?

“Are you serious right now? Won, you look amazing.” Y/n exclaims in disbelief, pouting slightly as someone a few tables down shushes them. They don’t look to see who the person is - their eyes are busy fixating on Jungwon’s hair. How badly they want to reach out and touch the fiery strands. 

As Jungwon suddenly stands, Y/n’s gaze flickers to the rest of his outfit. He’s wearing baggy distressed jeans - covered in rips and pins and cute little doodles. They hang slightly low on his hips, exposing the band of his boxers. The pants are paired with a loose graphic tank top which, as Jungwon stretches his arms slightly, Y/n immediately notices is mildly cropped. All things that the dress code certainly does not allow.

Y/n is rendered speechless, which doesn’t happen very often. Jungwon almost laughs at the shocked, slightly dazed expression on their face. He takes a few steps forward until he and Y/n are standing face to face.

“I’ll take amazing.” Jungwon smiles. Y/n’s face is screwed up with confusion, as their eyes dart between Jungwon’s hair and his outfit. “I’m... so confused… you’re doing the protest?” Y/n asks, causing Jungwon to chuckle slightly. “Y/n… I started the protest.”

Now Y/n has officially short-circuited. Jungwon - the guy who messaged them all those months ago, asking them to follow the dress code; the guy who watched them get detention over and over again for breaking said dress code is standing in front of them with bright red hair and an outfit that doesn’t follow a single dress code rule. Is it some kind of alternate universe?

Meanwhile, Jungwon is eating this up. He expected some sort of reaction (a small part of him was hoping Y/n would immediately leap into his arms but that’s just the delusions talking) and this is certainly a reaction.

“I see you’re not participating.” Jungwon points out, gesturing to Y/n’s outfit. His gaze is playful and Y/n bashfully moves to wrap their (Jungwon’s) jacket tighter around their body. “I didn’t know you were the one who planned all this and… thought it was gonna stress you out… so I didn’t do it.” Y/n mumbles, their voice trailing off. “Cute.” Jungwon smiles, taking note of the subtle blush that spreads across Y/n’s cheeks.

“Why are you protesting? I thought you were okay with the dress code?” Y/n asks, changing the topic. “Well, yeah but you aren’t… you’ve done so much for me Y/n and I wanted to do something for you in return. Something to show that I care about you.” Jungwon says, causing Y/n’s heart to flutter slightly. “You did it… for me?” Y/n asks, an unfamiliar tone in their voice. Jungwon nods wordlessly, his eyes widening as Y/n’s fill up with tears.

“But I was so bad to you. I basically used you and now you’re just giving me what I wanted. What about you? What do you get from this?” Y/n asks, sniffing in an attempt to stop the tears from rolling down their cheeks. Jungwon’s heart clenches at the sight and he immediately reaches forwards to pull Y/n into his arms. 

“You weren’t bad to me. You made a mistake, yeah. And it hurt but it also taught us both a lot. I can see, even from your reaction right now, how guilty you are and that shows me you’re different now. I forgive you, Y/n.” Jungwon whispers against Y/n’s head, having to physically hold himself back from pressing gentle pecks to follow his words. “And I’m not just doing this for you, it’s for everyone. There’s nothing wrong with breaking some of the rules, I learnt that from a certain someone.” Jungwon smiles, causing Y/n to giggle slightly against his chest.

Y/n pulls back slightly to look at Jungwon’s face, glancing at his hair and outfit once more in the process. “So… bad boy Jungwon is here to stay?” Y/n asks, causing Jungwon to laugh. “I’d hardly call this bad boy… more like slightly less uptight Jungwon.” Y/n playfully scoffs at this, finally bringing their hands up to brush through Jungwon’s hair. “I don’t know… dyed hair, ripped jeans… what will the teachers think?” Y/n asks sarcastically, squealing slightly as Jungwon pinches their waist. “I don’t care what they think.” He mumbles, pulling Y/n even closer so their faces are only inches apart.

The two fall silent as they stare into each other's eyes. It’s similar to how they were a few nights ago, at Jungwon’s house. Although this time the atmosphere isn’t stiff or awkward. It’s comfortable - like this is exactly where they’re supposed to be.

“I really miss you, Y/n.” Jungwon whispers, his breath gently blowing against Y/n’s skin. His eyes flicker between their eyes and their lips, completely unsure of where to look. “I miss you too.” Y/n whispers back, lowering their hands from his hair to rest securely around the nape of Jungwon’s neck. Y/n can practically see the sense of relief fill Jungwon’s eyes, as his body completely relaxes against theirs. Jungwon leans forward to press his forehead against Y/n’s, his eyes closing for a few moments of bliss before opening again.

“Do you… think we could date for real this time?” Jungwon asks, his eyes full of hope as they stare directly into Y/n’s. It’s almost overwhelming, their closeness. Every sense, every thought, every feeling solely focused on each other - as if nothing and no one else exists in this moment. Y/n takes a second to process Jungwon’s words, their heart and brain working rapidly rushing around to form some kind of response. As the words get stuck in their throat, Y/n resorts to an enthusiastic nod of the head, a quiet whispered “please” following soon after.

That one word was all it took for Jungwon’s eyes to flutter shut, a staggered breath escaping his lips as they stretch out into a dimpled smile. He moves to gently nuzzle his nose against Y/n’s, their lips ghosting over each other’s ever so slightly. They both know what is about to happen but there’s no rush, allowing themselves time to experience being together again. Finally, a few simple words escape Jungwon’s lips before they are fully engulfed by Y/n’s.

“I’m going to kiss you now.”

And he does. And it’s electric. Their mouths move together perfectly in sync, fitting like two pieces of a puzzle - as cheesy as it sounds. No amount of proximity is close enough as they pull each other closer and closer as if they won’t be happy until every inch of skin isn’t being touched.

It’s only when their cheesy grins get far too wide to hold back, that the kissing stops. Jungwon switches to pressing gentle pecks against every part of Y/n’s face. Their moment of bliss is quickly interrupted by the sound of the bell ringing, causing Jungwon to pull away slightly.

“Skip class to makeout?” Y/n asks, smirking. “When I said it’s okay to break some rules, that’s not what I meant.” Jungwon fake scolds. “I was just kidding. You’re not the only one who’s changing, I haven’t skipped class in weeks.” Y/n smiles. “Well… let’s not fall back into old habits then.” Jungwon says, leaning down to press one final kiss against Y/n’s lips before grabbing their hand and going to walk them to their class.

“Did you see Mr Jeon is wearing ripped jeans?”

“Wait, what? Like for the protest?”

“I guess so… kind of cool for a teacher to back us up.”

The intense conversation at the lunch table is cut short as Jungwon and Y/n approach, hand in hand. Bahiyyih spots them first, her eyes widening as she notices their intertwining fingers and she immediately points towards the two.

“You’re holding hands!” She exclaims, causing the rest of the group to turn and look at the couple. All hell breaks loose when their eyes land on the couple - you’d think the pair were celebrities with the way their friends are acting.

“I always knew you two would work things out.” Niki smiles innocently, earning a few confused looks from the group. “You put vomit emojis every time we mentioned Y/n for like, weeks.” Jongseob points out, causing Niki to wave him off nonchalantly. “Doesn’t sound like something I’d do.”

“Wait, so are you two like… dating, dating?” Eunchae asks, her eyes filled with hope. Y/n and Jungwon look at each other for a moment before nodding, causing the group to erupt into a fit of cheers.

“I think they’re more excited than we are.” Y/n mumbles, quiet enough that only Jungwon can hear. “Perks of being the only relationship in the group.” Jungwon replies, his voice purposefully louder to gain the attention of his friends.

“Hey! I could get a girlfriend if I wanted one!”

“As if anyone would want to date you.”

Sighing, Jungwon turns his attention fully to Y/n. “I don’t know if I can deal with this right now… wanna hang out in the library?” He asks “God, yes.” Y/n sighs, reaching to grab a fry off Bahiyyih’s plate. “We’re gonna go, I’ll see you in calc.” They say. “So, it’s back to you ditching us for your boyfriend?” Hikaru teases. “Only sometimes.” Y/n replies before walking out of the cafeteria with Jungwon.

“People are staring at us.” Jungwon comments, as the two walk through the halls. “Probably because your hair looks like a firetruck.” Y/n jokes, causing Jungwon to look at them with a deadpan expression. “I thought you liked my hair…” He mumbles. “I do! But you can’t deny that it sticks out.” Y/n reasons.

As the two turn around the corner towards the library, they are stopped by Mr Jeon walking down the hallway. “I was wondering when I would run into you two.” He says, his eyes subtly flickering to their intertwined hands. “We need to discuss some things… could you meet me in my classroom? I just have to drop off this printing to Mr Kim.”

“Of course, we’ll head there right now.” Jungwon smiles, bowing goodbye to Mr Jeon before dragging Y/n down the hall. “Are we in trouble?” Y/n asks, causing Jungwon to shrug. “I’ve never gotten in trouble with Mr Jeon before. But he is the teacher in charge of the student council so… it’s probably something to do with the dress code.” He says. He notices the nervous look on Y/n’s face and squeezes their hand reassuringly. “It’s gonna be fine… you’re not even really breaking the dress code so if anything, you’ll just watch me get yelled at.”

“I’m not going to yell at you.”

Jungwon and Y/n visibly relax at his words, causing Mr Jeon to chuckle slightly. “We do need to talk about the dress code, though… more specifically, the protest.” Mr Jeon continues. “Since Jungwon was kind enough to email me about this in advance, I wasn’t blindsided by today’s events. And Y/n, I understand that you had nothing to do with this but, given your past involvement I hope you can see the importance of your inclusion in this discussion.”

Mr Jeon is certainly a teacher - even his speaking mannerisms show that. Y/n can’t tell if he’s practised this statement or if this is just the way his brain forms sentences. In all honesty, half of the words went in one ear and out the other, so they just nod along silently and hope that they didn’t just agree to something insane.

“Good. Now, Jungwon. You know I have great trust in you as our student council president and I know you wouldn’t do something to this extreme if you didn’t believe it would benefit the students at our school. With that being said, if you are not clear about what it is you want changed, the change will not happen.” Jungwon nods at Mr Jeon’s words. “I know that completely getting rid of the dress code is unrealistic but there are a handful of the rules that the students believe are unfair - those are the ones we would like changed.” Jungwon says. “I sent an online form to those who are participating in the protest to ask what rules they disagree with, then I was planning on making a presentation and taking it to the school board.”

Mr Jeon’s eyes light up at Jungwon’s preparation and planning. “We have a school board meeting this Friday after school, I would be more than happy to support you with this.” Mr Jeon smiles. Jungwon turns to look at Y/n, who just looks back with a slightly confused expression. They’re still not 100% sure why they’re here. “Okay… I guess I’ll start preparing then.” Jungwon says, smiling slightly as he feels Y/n squeeze his hand reassuringly. He’s got this.

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@miumiuoi @lucyinthesky-00 @wrapmeinatortilla

[twistedsocials]

I physically cannot with people sexualizing the new b-day cards like bro…I deadass saw someone go “Oh I wonder if the merch for the set will be body pillows!! For everyone who is blah blah blah!!” I’m not even going to finish it because WHATTT THEY ARE MINORSSSS. Like when did we go from “hell yeah they’re at a sleepover!!” To let’s sexualize these cards. I’m afraid of when more sexualized characters come out like the Tweels or Leona because I just know it’s going to be rocky…

I saw someone say they want to see “Malleus inviting you to bed” as if he isn’t considered a minor in fae standards so uh…fucking weird!!! I know this is not that well known but still. Fucking weird!!!

Also body pillows? Okay first of all, this is a Disney game. Disney would never make anything sexual related to their brand, they’re too much of a stickler for their “clean reputation”. And even then, why the fuck do you want a body pillow of a character? Why the fuck do you want one of a literal minor??? And also wouldn’t it be considered even more illegal if they did it for all the characters cause oh I don’t know fucking Ortho’s gonna be apart of the set??

Also eugh. I love the tweels so much but dude I can’t handle their “fans” atp. I know the moment their new birthday cards come out, I’m gonna have to be thankful I kept that one grown ass woman who simps for the octotrio blocked.

I’m scared for Leona too like yes he’s an adult but I feel most of his fans don’t even care about his character and just wanna fuck him.

Why can’t they just be having a silly sleepover 🙁☹️

I’m so sorry I started yapping 😓

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Follow-up to this post, which I'm not reblogging because it was too long to put all that all over people's feeds again. That post was a follow-up to two earlier posts, one of which I linked from it and one of which I copy-pasted into the text. So there's your context, if you'd like any, for me posting the following audio clip, followed by a transcription of the audio in it:

Chris Skinner: This is a really weird question, Andy. It’s from [my first and last name], I don’t fully understand it myself but couldn’t resist it. Andy Zaltzman: Right. Chris Skinner: Um. Hello. In July 2004, a BBC questionnaire asked Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver what they most wanted in the world, and they both said a head like an orange. Andy Zaltzman: Right. Chris Skinner: In July 2024, Andy Zaltzman listed his top pipe dreams on The Bugle, and included a head like an orange. No one gave context on either occasion, and I cannot for the life of me recall any time in the intervening twenty years where Andy has referenced this. Please tell us, Andy. Why do you want a head like an orange?

Andy Zaltzman: Right. Uh, it’s a good question, Sarah. Um… well, I don’t know if I actively want a head like an orange, although I have said, clearly, on at least two occasions, that I would like a head like an orange. The, uh… I don’t remember the BBC questionnaire, uh, from 2004. To be honest, I don’t even remember saying it on The Bugle in July, one month ago, in 2024. But I’m nearly fifty now. These things just slip out of my mind, because my head is like a sieve. So an orange would be better, it would store information better, I think, than my current brain. Um, well this goes back to, uh, a favourite joke from my childhood – the joke about the man with a head like an orange. Have you not – are you aware of this joke, Chris?

Chris Skinner: I don’t think I am. Please tell me the joke. Andy Zaltzman: Well, the joke, uh, fundamentally, is, uh… and, John – I think John was, and, Chris Addison, who we worked with on The Department – I think we all liked the head like an orange joke. The joke is fundamentally a guy – you know, a guy is in a bar, and someone comes in, um, and, just looks like a normal person, but he’s got a head like an orange. And, uh, the guy goes up and said, sorry, I don’t want to intrude, but do you mind telling me why you’ve got a head like an orange? And he said, “Oh yeah, it’s quite an interesting story. I went to an antique shop, bought, uh, bought an old lamp, and then, I was just polishing it at home, and this genie came out. He said you can have three wishes, so for my first wish, I wished that I could have – you know, fifty million pounds. So, you know, enough so I’d never have to worry about money again, but not so much that I become an asshole. For my second wish, uh, I wish that I could become the world’s greatest table tennis player, because I’ve always loved table tennis, but I’ve always been rubbish at it. I went out and played – basically unbeatable. And for my third wish, I wished that I had a head like an orange.” Um. So that’s the – that’s the joke. I mean, it’s… you know, is that a joke? Is it an anti-joke? Is it an exploration into the meaning of futility? Is it, uh – does it, does it really get to the very heart of what human ambition is? What are we striving for in life? You know, the, the, the ephemeralities that we cling to, um, and the absurd wishes that humanity has? Who knows? Or is it just, um, a stupid, uh – a stupid joke? Who knows? I mean, that’s not for me to judge. But anyway, we both loved that joke. Obviously, it came up in an interview in 2004, and obviously it was still there in my head twenty years – twenty years later. So… and, you know, it’s clearly a joke that, you know, some people like more than others. And evidently, um, John and I were on the… more. Um, than the others. Um. So anyway, so that’s – it think that’s – that’s as simple as it gets. But again, you know. You look at how the world could be improved – if Donald Trump did not have Donald Trump’s head, but had an orange for a head, he would be instantly a far more likeable person, and much less likely to win the American election, because they’ve never voted for anyone with, uh, a piece of citrus fruit as a head. Uh, if you discount, um,  Grover Cleveland. Um. So, uh – so there you go. Um, so that’s, that’s, that’s – that’s the reason, fundamentally. But, you know, I haven’t actually –

Chris Skinner: I mean, it’s a little bit clearer now. Just a little. Andy Zaltzman: I haven’t – you know, to be honest, Sarah, I haven’t… you know, actually sat down and thought, would I like a head – do I really, really want this? But – because, I mean, there are occasions, um, without wishing to break the secrets of the trade, where as comedians, we do say things we don’t entirely, literally mean. But, you know, on this occasion, I – maybe I do. Maybe I do, subconsciously, literally, metaphorically, mean it. Chris Skinner: Well, good luck on your quest. Andy Zaltzman: Thanks.

They say my full name early in that clip, which I considered bleeping out before sharing it, because I don't want to have my full name on here. But I didn't bother, because... I mean, it's on the podcast. It's on the freely available podcast (the subscriber-only podcast, but still). Seems a bit silly to cut that out of a clip when if someone really wanted to dox me with my full name, they could go listen to it quite easily. I'm pretty sure no one wants to do that. My concerns about privacy are not because I'm worried about the strangers on Tumblr knowing my real name, it's because I don't want the people in my real life to know what I'm doing on the internet. So I censored my full name when I wrote out the transcript, because occasionally friends tell me they were Googling me to watch my old match videos, and I don't need this coming up. But it's on the tape, how fucking weird is that? My real-life name.

I guess I could have thought that through and sent it from an account that didn't have my real name in the signature. But if I'd thought that far, I would have also done things like, not written that question like a fucking Tumblr post. Oh my God, it went on for so long. That thing I do on Tumblr, where I open by listing pieces of context ("in July 2004, a BBC questionnaire", and then "in July 2024, this other thing...") before getting to my point - I know that's not how you're supposed to communicate in real life! I do know that! I do it on Tumblr because I'm a massive fan of context and no one here is captive to my ramblings. I try not to talk like that when I have a direct audience.

I assumed they'd cut the question down, if they did address it, which I did not think they would. I clearly didn't think it through very well at all, but as far as I made any assumptions, I guess I assumed that they get in lots of questions that are a mess written by someone who does not do media for a living, and then they condense it into an appropriately concise statement for a podcast. But nope. Chris Skinner read out every fucking word of my email. Because obviously Andy Zaltzman needed to know that I have catalogued the exact month of his interviews from 2004.

On the subject of editing things into an acceptably media-ready format - I used to do some work as a transcriber, and I learned the different types of transcription. Normally, if I quote from some audio on Tumblr, I'll do intelligent verbatim transcription, which means typing all the words that were said except the filler words (um, uh), filler phrases (I mean, you know), and unnecessary word repetitions. But with Andy Zaltzman, I tend to go pure verbatim transcription, which means typing exactly what he said, leaving all that stuff in. Because with Andy Zaltzman, the filler words tend to seem like an important part of it. It's part of his charm, the extent to which he sounds like he has never done public speaking before, despite having made a career of it for nearly his entire adult life. This isn't a Kitson-like stutter or anything, he's just very socially awkward. And I typed pure verbatim in the above transcription to show that I'm pretty sure my question got him stumbling over his words even more than usual. Andy was so unprepared to be asked to answer for some shit in he said on a BBC questionnaire in 2004, which is absolutely fair enough. You cannot hold people to everything they said in 2004.

I also love how for a professional comedian, Andy Zaltzman is so good at taking anything vaguely surreal and driving it into straight-up anti-humour. He told that joke in such a weird way, in a way that made it seem like classic Zaltzman humour, and I immediately understand why he liked it so much.

He didn't have to ramble for that long; He could have answered my question far more concisely. I didn't ask for half that information. But he gave it to us anyway, and I am so incredibly pleased. I mean, I don't have to ramble for ages in my Tumblr posts either, but I do it, because I respect the art of rambling. And I fucking love listening to other people ramble, especially if they're 1,000 times better than I am at making their ramblings intelligent and funny. Yet, somehow, just as awkward. Fucking brilliant.

So now I come to the even less coherent part of my post, which is to say - Jesus Fucking Christ Andy Zaltzman said my name. Twice. Count them, he said it twice. And I will be saving those audio clips specifically. On one occasion, he specifically addressed me by name, before carefully informing me that sometimes comedians don't mean everything they say, which feels like a genuinely useful thing for Andy Zaltzman to break to me. Thank you, Andy. The next time I'm down a rabbit hole of trying to untangle a comedy mystery, I will keep your helpful words in mind. Good thing to listen to on the anniversary of Cowgate.

On the other hand, I love how literally he took my question. I asked him why he wanted a head like an orange, and he took a fair bit of time to explain to me that actually, he was just making a joke, he doesn't really want a head like an orange, and I should know that sometimes comedians don't mean things literally. To which I would sort of like to tell him... when I said "Why do you want a head like an orange?", I was trying to ask "What joke you were referencing when you talk about that?", and not literally asking why you actually want that in real life. Is it possible that Andy Zaltzman, like me, might have some occasional tendency toward taking things a bit literally? I guess we'll never know.

Anyway, holy hell it turns out that if you have a question for a comedian, you're allowed to just fucking ask them? I truly didn't think that would work. I've been wondering for like two years what Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver were talking about in that BBC questionnaire - it was the repetition in the recent Bugle episode that prompted me to actually email them, but I'd been wondering personally for far longer. It turns out, the whole time, I was allowed to just send a fucking email and get my question answered. Are you allowed to do that with everything? Because that would be far more power than anyone should be allowed to have. You can't do that, that doesn't feel like it should be allowed. If you're confused about something said by a comedian, you're supposed to just do hours and years of internet research into potential explanations, and write long rambling Tumblr posts speculating about it. What kind of world would it be if instead, we could just ask? Or maybe even just assume that, in the words of Andy Zaltzman, "there are occasions, um, without wishing to break the secrets of the trade, where as comedians, [they] do say things [they] don’t entirely, literally mean."

More than that, I inspired a fucking Zaltzman riff! He went off on some stuff about Donald Trump, even avoided the obvious joke about how Trump does have an orange-coloured head, because Andy is better than that. And I even inspired a classic Zaltzman lie! I said this in another recent post, about a radio show the Zaltzman did with Daniel Kitson in 2007, where it was a rare chance to hear how Andy talks when he has no prepared material, and his jokes became almost entirely just telling lies. His prepared material jokes also consist of a lot of lies, but they have a bit of structure and purpose. While when Andy Zaltzman is free-wheeling, showing us there first place his sense of humour goes before he has time to refine any ideas, it's just pure, unadulterated lies. Like in this podcast, where he was in the middle of answering an unexpected question, and just stopped to pluck a lie out of the air for no reason, about a former American president having citrus fruit for a head. A classic Zaltzman lie, because of something I said! I haven't been this proud of myself since I made Nish Kumar laugh by my reaction to his joke at his gig. Inspiring a Zaltzman lie seems similar to inspiring the trademark Kumar laugh, getting USPs out of my favourite comedians.

Also, I'm pleased to see I was at least slightly correct to read significance into Andy Zaltzman referencing the "head like an orange" thing in a Bugle episode where Chris Addison was a guest, and Chris Addison laughed at that and commented "That is a very old, and very in joke." I'd thought at the time that Chris was saying it was an in-joke, as in an "inside joke", probably one that originated around The Department or Political Animal, which were things Chris Addison did with Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver back around 2004, when I originally saw John and Andy reference the "head like an orange". I now think I misunderstood, and Chris Addison sarcastically calling it an "in-joke", meaning "in style", implying that the joke is actually old and out of style. That's my guess, anyway. But Andy Zaltzman mentioned in his reply that Chris Addison also liked that joke, so I was correct to notice that Chris recognized it when Andy made that joke again in 2024.

Well, that was pretty good. He didn't tell me to stop asking stupid questions and never listen to his podcast again. But I definitely am going to stop asking stupid questions now. Good God. Can't believe that happened. Thanks for being unable to resist my weird question, Producer Chris.

[zikariogirl]

‘ 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲𝐝𝐨𝐥𝐥 ’ — 𝐣𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐧-𝐬𝐞𝐨𝐤

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄, 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨, ⇨

❥ 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠: ‘𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲𝐝𝐨𝐥𝐥’ 𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐢 𝐚𝐛𝐝𝐮𝐥

summary ┆ working at wusang was a dream come true for you. you had great friendships there and even began to develop feelings for a certain intern. but things started to change — big reveals left you shocked, and instead of running away you felt yourself become more captivated by him. . . and he seems to notice you as well. nothing in this world really matters to jang han-seok, but you? he will burn the whole world for you.

key: bold = english

warnings ┆ not really a warning but a bit ooc han-seok only cause he’ll be a simp for you… but i’m still writing his character as accurate as i can!

Your feet were killing you from all the running you’ve been doing today. It’s been a hectic day at the law firm and it seems like everyone has it out for you since you simply could not catch a break. From having to file paper work, make phone calls, even grabbing coffee for some people; it was a lot.

You were out of breath and leaning against a wall when someone ran up behind you to spook you.

“Boo!”

You screamed and slapped whoever it was that scared you, your eyes widening when you saw Joon-woo rubbing his cheek.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry!”

“That was very funny,” Cha-young laughed and wrapped her arm around your shoulder.

“Wow you hit hard,” Joon-woo pouted down at you.

“Don’t scare me like that,” you playfully slapped his arm, earning a groan from him in return.

“Yeah well he had it coming,” Cha-young rolled her eyes before giving you a hug. “By the way, we won!”

You hugged her back just as tightly, a smile forming on your lips. “Really? I’m so proud of you!”

You could say the two of you were rather close, almost like sisters. Other than Joon-woo — who she can barely tolerate — you were the only person in the law firm that she genuinely liked. You both grew incredibly close and are practically inseparable. She was your favorite person in the world until Joon-woo started to work at Wusang, and it’s been a battle for your attention ever since.

You and Cha-young both held hands and began to jump around in circles while you squealed before Joon-woo wrapped his arms around you two and jumped in.

“Hey hey,” Cha-young shoved him away. “This is our girl moment.”

“Aren’t I considered one of the girls?” He grinned while pressing his index finger against his cheek.

Cha-young looked at him with disgust. “No you moron.”

“You’re so mean to him,” you rolled your eyes and grabbed his hands. “You will always be one of the girls.”

He smiled at you but had to quickly excuse himself when he felt his phone ringing. “I will see you two later. Bye besties.”

He proceeded to twirl away like a ballerina, and while you looked at him with admiration, Cha-young was definitely unamused.

“You like that?”

“He’s so cute.”

The three of you decided to celebrate after work and although you insisted that drinks would be on you, Cha-young refused to let you pay at all. You sometimes get a little too carried away when it comes down to drinking, seeing as how you already drank about four bottles of soju and was feeling tipsy already.

“I love you twooo,” you slurred as you grabbed both of their hands.

“______ you’re drunk,” Joon-woo laughed and you quickly hushed him.

“Not yet. I’m just tipsy.”

“That’s what they all say,” Cha-young shook her head with a smile before looking down at her phone. “Anyways I have to go. This is for the soju.” She placed a couple of bills in your hand but quickly grabbed them and handed it over to Joon-woo. “I don’t trust her with it.”

“I got it boss,” Joon-woo gave her a thumbs up. “Bye!”

“Goodbye my love!” You waved at Cha-young and blew her a kiss.

“Why don’t you ever call me that?” Joon-woo pouted.

You weren’t sure if he was joking or being serious, but considering your friendship, he was probably kidding around with you. It sort of hurt, knowing he probably doesn’t feel the same way, but you still cherished every little comment and touch you shared with Joon-woo. You felt yourself lean against his shoulder as you softly caressed his arm.

“Okay my love, I’m sorry.”

Your heart began to beat erratically inside your chest and you felt him wrap his arms around you. Maybe the alcohol was making him act weird as well, but when he asked if you wanted to go for a drive, you almost slapped him again. Even though you weren’t one-hundred percent sober, you were very much aware that drunk driving was not only against the law but super careless. Joon-woo promised you that he wasn’t tipsy or under the influence, and he shook his two empty bottles of soju in front of your face to prove his point — he also drank a good amount of water too.

In the end, you agreed to go on a drive through the city with him, having the windows rolled down while the wind fanned your faces and you both sang your hearts out. You sang to Perfect Man, Careless Whisper, some BTS songs, hell you even did some throwbacks and sang to the Backstreet Boys.

The night was amazing. It felt like a dream.

You were currently blasting ‘Hopelessly Devoted To You’ while you stuck your head out the window and let the wind blow your hair back, your eyes closed as you held your right arm out.

“But now, there’s no where to hide! Since you pushed my love aside! I’m outta my head, hopelessly devoted to you!”

You were too busy singing to even notice Joon-woo smile in your direction. You looked ethereal to him. The way your beautiful hair is flowing in the wind, how your voice sounds angelic when you sing, the way your smile lights up the night sky. He was incredibly whipped — if you could put it that way. He has never met anyone be so…perfect. He doesn’t know what it is about you, but he feels drawn to you, like you were meant to keep him grounded. The one pure thing in this world that he genuinely deserves.

He wants you to be his. He wants that so bad.

But for now, he has to wait. There’s no rush in making you his yet. Joon-woo wants to make sure he does this correctly because usually, he makes sure he gets what he wants when he needs it. But you’re delicate, you’re pure, you’re someone that managed to crawl inside his cold heart and slowly thaw it out. He doesn’t want to risk losing you or scaring you away, so in the mean time, he will cherish whatever friendship it is that you two share.

—

“He said what?!”

You and Cha-young were in her office as you spoke about your amazing night with Joon-woo. After he dropped you off at your place, you could’ve sworn it was going to lead to a kiss. The way he looked at you, with so much intensity, it made you feel weak in your knees. You wanted that kiss so bad but all he did was open the door for you, guide you inside, give you a glass of water, and give you a goodbye hug.

“At first when you left he pouted and asked why I never call him ‘my love’. Then I lean into him, apologize while calling him that, and he wrapped his arm around me. Cha-young I almost fainted.”

“Okay, then what?”

“We went on a drive and I made sure he wasn’t tipsy or drunk, which he wasn’t. It literally felt like something straight out of a kdrama. I just,” you let out a dreamy sigh and dropped yourself onto the ground, “it was perfect.”

“I mean this isn’t the first time you’ve hung out with just him right?”

“No, but it was definitely… different.”

“Ah that Joon-woo,” Cha-young frowned while pursing her lips. “Such a moron to not realize what a catch he has in front of him.”

“Maybe he likes you,” you suggested with a pout but wasn’t being serious about it.

“Me? Ha! Never in a million years! I terrorize him enough and even if he did, he’s not my type. I can beat him up for you.”

“You already do with your words.”

“I can also do it physically.”

“But then you’ll ruin his perfect face–”

“Hello my besties!”

Your eyes widened at his sudden arrival, and he walked around the table only to stop when he noticed you on the floor.

“Oh? What are you doing down there?”

“Dying.”

“Ah,” he nodded his head.

Cha-young stomped towards Joon-woo and slapped him on his shoulder. “Do you knock you moron?”

He awkwardly laughed. “So sorry but the boss man called. Mr. Han said that Babel Pharmaceutical’s Drug Development Division called because one of their researchers that was in quarantine went missing.”

“What?!”

You slowly sat up. “This is top secret information. I must go.”

“No, you’re coming with us.”

“Huh?” Both you and Joon-woo said at the same time. Cha-young seemed pissed and didn’t even acknowledge you both as she grabbed her bag and marched out the office, like a lion ready to mangle its prey. You and Joon-woo looked at each other with confusion before you both hurried out of the office and tailed behind the angry lawyer.

The three of you reached your destination in no time and you stood behind Cha-young — who was sitting down and was eerily quiet. Joon-woo on the other hand? He was getting after the two pharmacists in front you.

“It’s been two days. Why didn’t you tell us sooner? Look at her,” he gestured at Cha-young. “She’s so upset!”

“I’m sorry,” one of the pharmacists apologized.

“My god… seriously,” Joon-woo hissed out.

Seeing him angry…was kinda hot.

Cha-young finally broke her silence as she glared at the two men. “I told you to keep a close eye on all the newly employed researchers. I didn’t want them to complain, so I got them to stay at the chairman’s villa!” She stood up and paused for a second before continuing. “If that researcher talks nonsense, we’ll lose this suit.”

“And that new drug, it’ll be the end of it as well!” Joon-woo stepped in.

“I’m truly sorry,” one of them apologized… again before the two bowed.

This was truly frustrating to watch.

“Do the higher ups know?” You involuntarily spoke without realizing it, making everyone look at you. You placed a fist over your mouth and slowly turned away.

“No ma’am. They don’t.”

“Then let’s keep it that way. Don’t you dare tell them,” Cha-young glared at them.

“Never!” Joon-woo pointed a finger.

After the two pharmacists agreed and you three took your leave, you walked out of the building to sort of decompress the conversation. Cha-young was still irritated — rightfully so. Joon-woo was saying things that irritated her more. And you? Well, you were there for support. Things took a turn when Cha-young spotted the Chairman of Babel, Jang Han-seo, and practically ran to him. The whole encounter was short since he seemed to be in a hurry and it almost felt like he brushed her off in the end, which made your jaw drop.

“I get that he’s a chairman, but how can he talk down on us on our first encounter?” You frowned and crossed your arms.

“And he’s young too,” Joon-woo hissed.

“Anyone who’s rich and powerful can do so even if they’re younger than me,” Cha-young spoke with displeasure.

You scoffed. “With that mindset, you might as well have a child actor tell you what to do.”

The three of you stood there for a while before Cha-young excused herself and said her goodbye’s, claiming she had somewhere to go. Both you and Joon-woo watched her leave before he tapped your shoulder with a smile.

“Want some steak? I got paid yesterday.”

“You don’t even have to ask me twice, let’s go!”

And boy was that steak so damn good. Maybe it’s the fact you were starving since you skipped out on breakfast, which was definitely a bad idea on your part. You didn’t even bother eating anything since you woke up with such a grimm taste on your mouth due to the alcohol. All you did was pop a mint into your mouth after you brushed your teeth, got ready, and went to work.

“Wow you’re going to finish before me,” Joon-woo’s jaw dropped. “Did you not eat breakfast?”

“I didn’t have time. After you dropped me off last night I went to bed and felt super woozy and just knocked out. Woke up feeling like crap, plus, I was running late too.”

“You can’t skip out on meals though,” he pouted with a small frown. “You’ll get sick.”

“Aw, you care about my well being?” You cooed.

“Of course I care,” he muttered to himself before taking a bite out of his steak.

You ignored the butterflies in your stomach at his words and you took a sip of your water, trying to fight the blush on your cheeks.

“______ do you like anybody?”

Cue you choking on your water as you lightly spit it out. Joon-woo immediately stood up to help you while you embarrassingly coughed so loud that everyone decided to look at you. You cleaned your face with a napkin while Joon-woo patted your back, and you were quick to hit his stomach, making him flinch.

“Why would you ask me that?”

“Because you and Cha-young were talking about it.”

Holy fuck did he hear us?

“I wasn’t eavesdropping or anything, but I did hear her saying she’ll beat someone up for you and you said no since it’ll ruin his perfect face,” he sighed. “Am I not one of the girls after all?”

“That’s different girl talk though,” you quickly defended yourself.

“So you do like someone?”

“I never said that.”

“But you’re acting suspicious.”

“Okay so what if I do?”

“Do I know him?”

“Maybe.”

“Who is it?”

He was bombarding you with questions and you felt cornered. It didn’t help that he was practically leaning into you while one hand rested on your chair and the other on the table. If he leaned in just a little closer, you could easily move your head up and kiss him. Why is he curious about your love life? Does he like you?

“Why do you wanna know so bad, hm?” You pressed.

“Just looking after you. Cha-young may be fierce but I have the muscle.” He stepped back and punched the air while doing sound effects. “No one will dare hurt you.”

Oh, so he’s just being a good friend. You’re gonna let that disappointment sink in right about now.

“I’m still not telling you.”

“But why?” He whined.

“Do you like anybody?”

“I actually do.”

Your fork clattered onto your plate while you stared up at him. He was smiling and looking up at the ceiling, and he appeared to be daydreaming or something. He sat back down on his chair and you did your best to hold your composure.

“Oh. What’s she like?”

Joon-woo let out a dreamy sigh. “She’s amazing. Hard-working. Has a good sense of humor. She’s perfect to me.”

You wanted to throw up. Your appetite vanished and the delicious steak that sat in front of you didn’t seem appetizing anymore. Your hands felt numb and you could literally feel your heart breaking at his words.

“She sounds nice,” you mumbled while plastering your best fake smile.

“Mhm. I really want to ask her out but I just don’t know how do it. I think she likes someone else though, but that won’t make me give up.”

Maybe you should. Forget her.

“Joon-woo, she’s an idiot for not liking you.”

“You think so?” His eyes brightened. “How should I ask her out then?”

Why the fuck are you the one that has to listen to this conversation? Why couldn’t it of been Cha-young? You could either just walk away and lie about your stomach hurting and leave him here, or you could genuinely help him. You didn’t want to be a bad friend, and you most definitely didn’t want to bail on him just because you felt jealous and was undergoing a heartbreak. You weren’t that type of friend. He deserves everything, especially your support. If he doesn’t like you, then you can’t do anything about it. It is what it is and you have to suck it up.

“Start off by getting her small gifts. Flowers, food, anything she likes. Compliment her when she’s feeling down or when she thinks she doesn’t look great… she’ll eventually start to notice you. Buy her a bouquet of flowers, something really pretty, then pour out your feelings and let her know how much she means to you.”

You wanted to cry. Your eyes were brimming with tears and you were just a second away from a breakdown.

“Excuse me I have to pee.”

You shot out of your seat and ran to the bathroom, and the moment you stepped inside, you broke. You have never felt this type of heartbreak before, not even with your previous partners. Joon-woo isn’t even your boyfriend, and yet, he’s the one who broke you more. You were a crying mess while you pulled out your phone and called Cha-young. The moment she heard your sobs, she went crazy. You told her what happened but made her promise to not kill Joon-woo after this, and that took a lot of convincing.

“Can you just… p-please call him and make up an excuse. I-I don’t think I can be here right now.”

“Ah! This is so frustrating! I can’t just hit him at all?”

“No.”

She mumbled a few curse words before replying. “Fine. Send me the address and I’ll be on my way. I’ll think of something.”

“Thank you.”

You hung up and gave yourself a bit more time before stepping out. You washed your face and applied a bit of make up to hide the fact that you were just crying. When you stepped back outside and began to walk towards your table, you noticed Joon-woo was on the phone.

“But we’re having steak,” he replied and shot you a wave when he saw you. “Cha-young please,” he whined before letting out a huff. “Fine.”

“What happened?”

“Cha-young called saying she needed you for some errands. She said you weren’t answering her calls.”

“Really?” You acted clueless and pulled out your phone, staring at your empty lock screen. “Oh wow, I didn’t even notice.”

“Yeah,” he huffed. “She’s on her way to pick you up.”

“Did she say where we were going?”

“Nope.”

You nodded your head and turned your attention back towards your steak, gently stabbing it with your fork. Joon-woo squinted his eyes when he noticed your change in demeanor.

“Hey, you okay?”

Fuck.

But right on cue, your phone began to ring and you quickly answered it. Relief hit you when you heard Cha-young say she was outside and you shot Joon-woo a sad smile.

“Sorry, I have to go. Be safe heading back home and text me when you get there!” You scurried out of your seat and paused for a second. “Good luck with that girl.”

Then you left, leaving a completely dumbfounded and upset Joon-woo behind.

—

The next few weeks definitely felt different and you tried to put as much distance between you and Joon-woo as possible. He seemed to pick up on it and would try to follow you around, asking if something is going on. You would put your best poker face and tell him that everything was okay and you were just busy with work. He didn’t seem to buy your excuse but you didn’t care anymore. You wanted to get over whatever feelings you had for him.

Then, the tragic news hit of Cha-young’s father passing away, and she was a mess. You knew they never got along but you weren’t blind to the fact that deep down she cared for him. He was her father after all. Even though Joon-woo was there for her, you were the one who slept over at her place — well her dad’s house — to cheer her up and offer her a shoulder to cry on. You were devastated when she left Wusang though, but nonetheless, you’ll still be able to see her outside of work.

When you received a call from her that she was apparently detained, you grabbed Joon-woo and ran towards the police station to bail her out.

But instead, a rather handsome guy wearing a suit waltzed in, providing concrete proof and demanding for her to be released. He definitely held some power to him and you wondered if he was her new partner since she did take over her father’s law firm. The moment you all left, she immediately walked towards his direction as he spoke on the phone.

“He’s smart,” spoke Joon-woo.

You nodded in agreement. “He’s also hot, but wow do they look good together.”

“Hot?” Joon-woo’s voice sounded a bit rough, but he cleared his throat and fixed his collar. “I mean, maybe they’re dating.”

You squinted your eyes. “No… she would’ve told me about it. I think he’s that lawyer she’s been telling me about.”

“Vincenzo Cassano?”

“Mhm,” you nodded your head and shoved your hands in your pockets while walking over to them, Joon-woo following behind.

“Lawyer Vincenzo Cassano?” Joon-woo curiously asked.

The man turned around with an impressed look. “You’re the first Korean to pronounce my name correctly.”

Joon-woo smiled at the compliment. “I used to be her assistant back in Wusang. I’m Jang Joon-woo.”

“And I’m _____ _____, you’ll probably hear more about me.”

Vincenzo nodded his head but squinted his eyes at Joon-woo. “How do you know me?”

“Ah, because I did a background check on you for Cha-young.”

Cue him doubling over after Cha-young kicked his leg. You choked back a laugh and shook your head when everyone’s eyes landed on you.

“Sooo, are you two working close?” You asked with a smile.

Vincenzo just looked at you with a bored expression before walking off. “No.”

Your jaw dropped at his rudeness, and Cha-young apologized on his behalf before saying goodbye to you and chasing after the dickhead.

“What an asshole,” you muttered. “He’s not boyfriend material.”

“Well I think him and Cha-young are perfect for each other. They’re both cranky, lawyers, and–”

You didn’t even bother listening to what Joon-woo was saying as you walked away, waving him over to follow since you both had to head back to work.

“Wait.” Even though he was limping, he managed to catch up to you. You felt him grab your wrist and twirl you around to face him. “What’s going on with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been… different lately. Ever since that day I took you out for steak. Did something happen?”

“No,” you feigned innocence.

His expression grew serious when he let out a deep sigh. “I know you were crying in the bathroom.”

“How? You spied on me?”

He shook his head. “No but the lady next to us was heading to the bathroom too… until she heard you crying. She thought you were my girlfriend and told me, and she mentioned you speaking to someone on the phone.”

Why the fuck are people so nosy?

“Did you call Cha-young to pick you up?” He was grabbing your shoulders at this point and you refused to make eye contact with him. “Talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about Joon-woo,” your voice was barely above a whisper.

“______,” he bent down so he could be at eye level with you. “Why won’t you talk to me. Did I do something?”

He looked defeated and it made you feel guilty. Why are you making his life hell when he doesn’t deserve it? It’s not his fault he doesn’t feel the same for you. You preached about being a good friend to him, yet, you’ve been giving him the cold shoulder ever since your conversation about his crush.

You swallowed back the lump on your throat and smiled up at him. “No no, it’s not you. I’m sorry I’ve been a bitch lately–”

“You’re not a bitch.”

“Shh,” you placed your finger on his lips. “Let me finish. I was going through some stuff and my boy trouble didn’t help. Then when you started to talk about the girl you liked and how you probably made more progress with her, I just felt like poop because the guy I like and I have made zero progress. I was just sulking and the whole thing with Cha-young’s dad also happened. I took it out on you and I’m sorry Joon-woo.”

He didn’t say anything as he processed your apology, so instead you hugged him, not even caring if he returned it, but the moment you felt him wrap his arms around you, you felt happy. “Can my bestie forgive me? I’ll treat you to some ice cream.”

His chest rumbled as he laughed. “Let’s get some ice cream.”

And for the first time in a while, you felt happy.

—

You were once again running around the law firm, attending to errands and requests by the lawyers around you. You have never been bossed around so much in your life before and it was definitely frustrating. Some of these lawyers had ridiculous requests but you knew better than to question them. You were exhausted, probably since you didn’t get a good nights sleep. As you were rounding the corner your eyes fell on a dancing Joon-woo, and it took everything in you to not laugh at his dorkiness.

“Joon-woo?”

He turned around at the sound of your voice, a huge smile forming on his lips. “_______!” He practically ran towards you and gave you zero time to react as he picked you up and spun you around.

“Oh my god! What are you–”

“Guess what?” He looked up at you, completely forgetting how he was holding you.

“What?”

“You’re looking at Lawyer Jang Joon-woo.”

Your eyes widened in surprise and your mouth fell open before you wrapped your arms around his neck. “Oh my god! Really? Congratulations Joon-woo!”

“Thank you!” He smiled as he continued to spin you around. You were really hoping he wouldn’t be able to feel your heart beating like crazy against your chest. He was holding you so close and it almost felt like it was just you two existing in that mere moment.

Until it got ruined.

“What are you two doing?”

You both froze and turned towards the sound of the voice. Standing a couple of feet away was Lawyer Choi and she was looking at you two with confusion. You never interacted with her much, but according to Cha-young’s description of her, she is a pain in the ass. Neither you or Joon-woo dared to move, and he was still holding you up while Ms. Choi appeared to be growing impatient.

“Are you two deaf?”

“N-No,” you stuttered out while wiggling in Joon-woo’s arms. He quickly set you down as he fixed his suit, flashing her a small awkward smile. “We were just celebrating his promotion.”

“What kind of celebration was that? It looked like he just proposed to you and you said yes.”

You immediately turned red at her words, but Joon-woo was quick to step in. “We just got a little too excited.”

“Hm. Don’t do it again.”

That was the last thing she said before walking off. It felt like you could finally breathe and that’s exactly what you did as you let out the biggest exhale of your life. You leaned back against the wall and fanned your face, but Joon-woo stared at you as if you grew two heads.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’ve never been in trouble before,” you whispered. “She’s one of the top dogs.”

“Top dogs?”

“Yes, top dogs,” you repeated. “She’s scary.”

Joon-woo chuckled and ruffled your hair. “You’ll be fine. You want to grab some dinner with me?”

You wanted to say yes so bad, but your evening was swamped with work. “I can’t. I’m working late today.”

He shot you a pout. “That’s not fair.”

“I know,” you groaned and slammed your head against the wall. You already hated the idea of working so late today, but knowing that you’re going to miss out on having dinner with Joon-woo, it makes the situation worse for you. But it still makes you wonder why he’s asking you to eat with him? Didn’t he have a crush on someone? Wouldn’t he ask her instead? You shook those thoughts away, not wanting to stress yourself over it.

All you could was say goodbye to Joon-woo and smile as he shot you an army salute before walking off. Maybe he’ll ask his crush since you declined his offer. Curse your overthinking brain because now you’re definitely left in a bad mood.

—

You don’t know how it happened but somehow Joon-woo was able to have you as his personal assistant, so you began to follow him everywhere to provide some assistance whenever he needed it. You were glad to finally have a break from your previous position, but that also means you’re spending more time with Joon-woo now. You just don’t know if that’s a bad thing or a good thing. Being with him almost every day of the week made it hard for you to get rid of your feelings, especially when he’s been acting rather close to you.

Joon-woo has been sending mixed signals and you’re not even sure if this girl he spoke about is even in the picture anymore. You did lean towards the idea of him possibly liking you, but you didn’t want to get your hopes up.

Your relationship with Cha-young has also been hard to manage ever since she begged you to leave Wusang and work for her law firm. She went on a whole rant how Wusang is covering up for Babel’s illegal schemes and you shouldn’t support them or get caught up in their mess. She even said you could try to convince Joon-woo to join her law firm as well — even though she was half against it. He was quick to turn down her proposal, which left you in the middle. You told her you’ll think about it and get back to her as soon as possible.

But for now, your mind was focused on assisting and following Joon-woo — along with Mr. Han and Ms. Choi.

Your first time in court was… unexpecting. First Cha-young “fainted”, then the power went out, and lastly, giant hornets were flying around the courtroom and stung the judge. His face was left so swollen he couldn’t even talk, so the trial was postponed until the following week.

“This is better than a kdrama,” you whispered to Mr. Han who sat next to you.

He looked around, trying to make sure no one would hear him as he leaned in and nodded his head. “I agree.”

But his demeanor completely changed on the ride back to Wusang.

“Gosh. In my twenty-five years as a lawyer, I’ve never experienced such chaos in court before,” he chuckled before kicking Joon-woo’s seat. “It’s my first time! Okay?”

“That hurts, boss,” Joon-woo hissed while he winced from pain.

“Does it hurt?”

“Yes.”

“Well, suck it up! Suck it up!” Mr. Han yelled while repeatedly kicking and punching the seat again.

“Sir aren’t you being too rough?” You tapped his arm to grab his attention.

“Too rough? I don’t think so,” he waved you off.

“On top of that, my first trial as a lawyer was a flop,” Ms. Choi stated, unamused.

And yet experiencing my first trial was hilarious. You thought.

“God those dirty bastards. Of all things, how could they think of bringing in those hornets? What should we do?” Mr. Han sarcastically laughed.

“It was so funny,” you blurted out, causing everyone — but the driver — to face you. Your heart hammered in your chest while your eyes widened, and you slowly sunk in your seat as best as you could. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

“You didn’t mean to… oh god,” Mr. Han flicked your forehead which made you wince. “Should we just leave you stranded here?”

“No, sorry sir.”

“Ah! It’s not like you’re of any use anyways,” he shoved your shoulder, making you bump into Ms. Choi. “Gosh this is frustrating. You think it’s funny?!”

“Sir, that’s no way to treat a lady.”

The sudden change in tone on Joon-woo’s voice caught you by surprise. It was low and if you didn’t know any better, it sounded like he was warning Mr. Han. You could see his eyes staring into the backseat from the rear view mirror, and he was glaring at his boss.

“You shut up. Gosh you’re so annoying,” he kicked Joon-woo’s seat once again but this time, he showed no reaction. He was stiff and continued to glare at Mr. Han, and that was something you will never forget.

The car eventually arrived back at Wusang and you followed Joon-woo up to his office. He was eerily quiet. Not cracking any jokes or trying to converse with you about the trial. The moment you two stepped into his office and he closed the door, he turned to face you.

“Are you okay?”

You blinked at him. “Huh?”

He walked up to you to touch the same spot where Mr. Han flicked you. It felt a little warm to the touch and you noticed him clenching his fists. Was he… was he actually mad on your behalf? You quickly grabbed his hand and pushed it away from your skin.

“Oh that, don’t worry I’m okay. It doesn’t hurt.”

“What he said to you…” he shook his head and turned his body, causing you to flinch when he slammed his palms against the wall.

“Joon-woo… are you okay?” You walked up to him and placed your hand on his back. “He was kicking your seat as well. I know you said it hurt.”

“I don’t care what he does to me, I can tolerate it. But you? I don’t want him doing that shit to you. I don’t want him talking down on you as if you don’t mean anything.”

“Well in the eyes of Wusang, I really don’t.”

“But you mean something to me.”

His words left you speechless. Joon-woo turned to face you while his eyes held some form of emotion you couldn’t decipher. He was always care free and even during the times when he showed anger, he still seemed… normal. But the Joon-woo standing in front of you right now was cold and full of hostility — something you’ve never seen before. His hand hesitated to reach up and touch you, and he appeared to be having an internal battle with himself.

“I have to make a phone call. You want to grab something to eat after?”

“Y-Yeah, sure.” You were honestly too shocked to speak and your own stutter surprised you as well. Joon-woo shot you one of his sweet signature smiles before walking out of his office.

What the hell was that?

—

“And then, his demeanor completely changed. I’m talking like Billy showing himself as The Scream and saying his famous quote ‘we all go a little mad sometime’,” you ranted while mimicking the movie quote.

“You’re comparing Joon-woo to Billy from that Scream movie?” Cha-young gave you an incredulous look.

“Okay it’s not my best analogy but the personality change was there! He got so mad. I have never seen him act like that.”

Ever since that specific encounter with Joon-woo, you had to tell Cha-young about it. Sure you could’ve called or texted but talking about it in person is ten times better, plus you always prefer to ‘gossip’ face to face. You made sure to include every detail that happened, including the ones of your interactions after his comment. Joon-woo was stuck to your hip since then and he even asked if he could call you ‘babydoll’. The pet name caught you off guard and you did not hesitate to ask why, his simple answer was that he thought it was cute and fitting.

You nearly exploded when he said that.

Cha-young rubbed her temples as she appeared to be soothing herself. “______ I didn’t think you were this clueless.”

“Huh?”

“He likes you.”

Rewind and pause. “No way.”

“Yes way,” Mr. Nam answered from behind his computer. “Sounds like he has the hots for you.”

“You were listening to our conversation the whole time?” You asked with a puzzled look.

“Against our own will,” Vincenzo groaned. “Can you talk about this some other time?”

“Why? You guys have important stuff to do?”

“We do. We’re trying to find out who the real chairman of Babel is,” Mr. Nam answered for Vincenzo but was immediately silenced the moment the Korean-Italian lawyer glared at him. “I-I mean… so Joon-woo is Scream?”

You frowned at his words and faced Cha-young. “Wait what? Is Chairman Jang not the real chairman after all?”

Before Cha-young could answer, you felt your chair being dragged away from the table, the sound of its feet scraping against the floor was hell for your ears. Vincenzo pulled you back to the entrance before walking towards Cha-young.

“Hey!” You stood up and marched over to him.

“We can’t trust her,” he spoke with seriousness. “She works for Wusang.”

“As an assistant,” you clarified and bent your head down so you could face him. “Not really an important job.”

“Then why don’t you quit and work here?”

“Uh, because I’m still debating on it.”

“She’s trying to marry her future husband,” Cha-young clarified with a roll of her eyes.

“Love like this only comes once in a lifetime,” you whined and slammed your forehead on the table. “I’m a mess.”

“I agree,” Vincenzo muttered to himself but you heard him loud and clear. You shot up and pushed your body towards him as you began to shove him into a corner, your eyes shooting daggers his way.

“What did you say?” You quirked up an eyebrow and felt victorious when he clearly seemed to be uncomfortable at your proximity. You let out a huff of victory and sat down next to Cha-young but your relaxation was short lived when you felt your phone ringing in your pocket, a smile plastering on your face when you saw Joon-woo’s name pop up.

“Hello?”

“Is it your boyfriend?” Vincenzo’s voice caught you off guard as he bent his head down towards your ear, speaking very close to the microphone. The panic settled in as you stood up and began to hit him, Mr. Nam running to stop you.

“Uh, hello?” Joon-woo sounded incredibly confused.

“Hi!”

“Who was that?”

“Oh just Vincenzo being his goofy self. You know how he always wanted to be a comedian,” you stuck your tongue out in his direction when he pointed a finger at you.

“Vincenzo? You’re with him?”

“Not by choice. I came over to gossip with Cha-young. You know, girl talk.”

“Ah,” he chuckled and cleared his throat. “Well I’m going to pick you up. We’re supposed to meet up with Chairman Jang.”

At the mention of him, you thought back to your earlier conversation with the Jipuragi group, since they believed he was not the real chairman. Thanks to Vincenzo they couldn’t go into too much detail about it — much to your disappointment since you’re naturally a very curious person.

“Alright I’ll be waiting,” you smiled and hung up the phone while letting out a sigh. You did a double take when you noticed three pairs of eyes looking at you, and your face became red in embarrassment. “Don’t say a word!”

—

“I’m so busy as it is. Why does he want me to brief him all of a sudden? Why does he need me?” Mr. Han was on another one of his rants during the drive, and he kept looking at you and Ms. Choi when he spoke. “All the Babel companies must know how things are going.”

He may be your boss but he can sure be annoying at times.

“Joon-woo you better do a proper job. Don’t you stutter.”

“Sorry? Right, okay okay.”

You wanted to laugh at his obliviousness. He’s so adorable. He looks so innocent whenever he puts on his smile and you absolutely love it. When Mr. Han started to get after him and Joon-woo seemed to find it funny, you quietly let out a small laugh before pulling out your phone.

You: stop aggravating him. i’m suffering back here

Joon-woo ♡: LOL. I feel sorry for you

“Who are you texting?” Mr. Han poked his head by your shoulder and you swiftly flipped your phone over as you turned it off.

“No one!”

“You’re texting your boyfriend aren’t you? Ah, this is going to drive me insane,” he scratched his head and pointed a finger at you. “No texting while we’re with the Chairman, got it?”

“Yes, sir.”

The drive was rather quick before you all made it to Babel’s office building. You all were escorted to one of their conference rooms and you took a seat next to Ms. Choi, but you couldn’t stop staring at Chairman Jang without thinking about Vincenzo’s and Cha-young’s speculation. He’s a phony… apparently. But he didn’t look like one to you, if anything, he fits the CEO look perfectly.

You turned your attention to the front and shot Joon-woo a thumbs up, sending him all your luck for his presentation in front of the Chairman.

“Begin. I said, start,” Mr. Han whispered.

“Alright then, I will begin the briefing,” Joon-woo spoke through the microphone before stepping aside, giving you all a good view of the TV. ‘The Secret of Babel’ ascended on the screen and you choked back a laugh when you realized Joon-woo went for a Star Wars theme as the intro.

“I will now reveal the secret of the Babel Group, WOW!”

You looked towards Ms. Choi and Mr. Han who seemed super confused with the direction the briefing was going, but Mr. Han was quick to let out a laugh before turning to face Chairman Jang.

“We came up with a fun briefing,” he awkwardly laughed but was brushed off by the Chairman.

“Chairman Jang Guk-hwan, the founder of Haemun Group, now known as Babel Group, had two sons.”

You felt your body freeze at his words, giving you confirmation that the theory Vincenzo and Cha-young have could be true. Is the other brother the actual Chairman? And if so, who is it? But right now, you were more confused on where Joon-woo’s presentation is actually heading to. You thought this was going to be a quick briefing about Babel, not the Jang family. Your superiors seemed to share the same confusion as you and even the Chairman looked a bit uncomfortable.

Yet, Joon-woo continued with a smile before skipping to the next slide. “He and his wife, Hwang Suk-jin, had their eldest son. As for his second son, he was birthed by Seo Min-hui, a young secretary,” he paused for a second while walking up to the screen. “Instead of focusing on the company, he cheated.”

Your hand shot up to your mouth at his words and you quickly turned to look at everyone else. Mr. Han let out another one of his discomfort laughs before standing up. “Hey, Joon-woo! What are you saying? Joon-woo! Come back here.”

But Chairman Jang tapped the table to grab his attention, ordering him to sit down which threw you off. He’s allowing this presentation? Mr. Han did as he was told but when you looked at Joon-woo from the corner of your eye, you noticed his expression. It was the same expression he wore that one time when you were insulted in the car after the trial.

“First,” he continued on like nothing, “who is his second son? It’s none other than Chairman Jang Han-seo! What a surprise!”

He aimed a laser at him and Chairman Jang opened his arms up with an awkward smile before resorting back to his emotionless face. You were not liking this. The air felt thick and your palms were beginning to sweat.

“Now, who is the eldest son?” Joon-woo began to click through pictures on the screen. “He was always smart and active. He was always the top student.” He began to walk around while appearing to be passionate about his wording. “He didn’t graduate from Stanford Law School as a top student, but he got good grades. On top of that, God has made him perfect and charismatic.”

The way he’s talking about the eldest son… you didn’t like it. It sounded like bragging. Like he was taunting all of you.

“So who is it? Who?”

Your hands began to shake as you held them up to your face. The moment the screen switched to a ‘Who is the true king of Babel?’ and a picture of Joon-woo sitting on a throne with a crown popped up, you nearly fell out of your chair. He walked to the edge of the table and leaned his hands down against it.

“It’s me. Jang Joon-woo.”

You heard Mr. Han stutter something out but you didn’t even care. Your mind is trying to process the information that was just given to you. You really, really hoped this was just a silly prank from Joon-woo, but doing this in front of his superiors? He wouldn’t risk his career for that.

“The real owner of the Babel Group is Jang Joon-woo!” He screamed out before looking at Chairman Jang. “Han-seo, are you ready?”

Then the brother’s proceeded to start singing and chanting with Mr. Han joining them soon after.

“I fooled you all! Babel Group is actually mine!” Joon-woo chanted as he ran towards your side of the table, started to do the worm, and grab your shoulders as he shook you from side to side. Let me go, is what you wanted to say but you didn’t seem to have a voice right now. Mr. Han was the first to apologize as he bowed down to Joon-woo.

“I’m sorry, sir. Please forgive me for my transgressions.” He looked petrified.

“It’s okay. I had fun,” Joon-woo waved him off with a smile.

So was your friendship with him just pretend as well? Something to add to his Joon-woo persona? You remember Cha-young and Mr. Nam telling you that it appeared Joon-woo likes you, but after this situation, you started to wonder if his feelings are even real. Was everything a fucking lie? He wasn’t even looking at you yet, which is giving you the opportunity to shoot a murderous glare towards his direction. How dare he play with your fucking heart like that.

“Sit down,” he gestured for all of you to take a seat, but you remained standing up, which caused everyone to look in your direction. “______?”

You clenched your jaw but refused to move. The sound of someone kicking the table made you flinch, and your eyes landed on an irritated Mr. Han. “Hey, you! Are you deaf? Gosh you never–”

The sound of a hand slamming against the table made everyone flinch, and it quickly shut Mr. Han up. “Mr. Han,” Joon-woo spoke through gritted teeth. “Is that any way to speak to a lady?”

“S-Speak to a lady? Uh, no no no you’re r-right, my apologies ______,” he stuttered out with fear.

“Sit,” Joon-woo smiled up at you.

“Yes, sir,” your voice was dripping with venom as you slowly sat down. You practically tuned out the whole conversation, not paying attention to what they were discussing. Nothing that they spoke about was of any importance to you, and frankly, you could care less about your career at Wusang now. Joon-woo was a two faced liar who played everyone, including you. He made you feel special and you thought everything he did for you was genuine.

The meeting was rather short and it ended quickly before everyone began to get out of their chairs. You didn’t wait for a response as you left the room, that suffocating feeling completely gone now since it felt like you could finally breathe. You wanted out, especially when the guy you like turns out to possibly be a murderous CEO. Come to think of it, Joon-woo is Billy from the Scream since he just revealed himself to all of you.

Yeah, things were definitely not going your way.