#i don’t think chloe is going to be kind enough for the ending

[teartra]

FLESH AND FALSE GODS IS A TRILOGY??!?!

[yuwuta]

*TEST DRIVE — YUUTA OKKOTSU

❝I WILL NEVER LEAVE BY YOUR SIDE, DON’T YOU KNOW YOU GOT A RIDE OR DIE

pairings. okkotsu/reader, uhhh implied maki/nobara and sort of itadori/fushiguro but that’s not so important for now

warnings, themes. non-curse/modern au, marriage of convenience au, i thought long and hard about who would fit this trope best and all i can say is that i didn’t really pick just one in the end, so if this spirals in a wedding/marriage playlist, you’ve been warned, um… sort of implied possessive behavior on yuuta’s end but it’s only teased for now :)

word count. 2.5k i can yap about him all day

playing. test drive/ariana grande, going crazy/exo, heart of glass/blondie, idea/taemin, tipsy/chloe x halle 

“I just heard the funniest joke from Inumaki,” Nobara says, welcoming herself into your apartment. You’re not surprised, and continue with your dessert preparations. Yuuji, to your left, spares her a wave, before going back to diligently preparing the vegetables. 

Maki is the only one to respond by turning slightly in her seat to raise an eyebrow at Nobara when she walks up to the island, “Since when do you think Toge is funny?” 

“Not usually,” Nobara admits, taking the neighboring open seat. She crosses her arms atop the counter, and squints at you, “But he surprised me this time.”

Your eyes fidget to Maki, who seems equally confused by Nobara’s unnerving stare, then to Yuuji, who appears none the wiser, because he happily chirps, “Well, I wanna hear it! Tell us, Kugisaki!”

“He said that it was soooo kind of you to share your anniversary date with Yuuta and have us all over for dinner,” Nobara drawls, “Then I got confused, of course—but then I thought, ‘Maybe they’re secretly together and I just didn’t know. Wouldn’t be a huge surprise.’”

You flinch at that, “What do you mean that wouldn’t be a huge sur—”

“This is the funniest part, though,” Nobara squints, “He said that you’re actually married, and he meant that today is your wedding anniversary. He was pretty convincing, though. He’s very committed to the bit—even challenged me to ask you at dinner, but I figured I’d straighten it out now,” she drawls, reaching over to steal a cucumber slice from Yuuji’s station, “You’re not actually married to Yuuta, right?”

You pause, for too long. Maki’s disbelief shifts from Nobara to you, morphing into a threatening glare that makes you chuckle nervously. Yuuji keeps turning his head between you and Nobara, waiting for one of you to crack. 

It’s not her. “Okay… define married,” you mumble.

Nobara all but jumps across the island, standing up and slamming her palms on the counter top. “What do you mean ‘define married’—there’s only one definition!” Yuuji frantically sweeps his preciously sliced vegetables out of her range. “You’re either married to Okkotsu or you’re not, which is it?” 

You pause again. Too long this time. 

“You’re fucking kidding me,” Maki says, “It’s true? Toge says that shit all the time, how he can ‘still hear wedding bells’ when you two are around. Oh, I’m going to be sick.”

“Wait, you’re married?” Yuuji quips, “Since when? You should have told me, I would have gotten you a present!”

“Okay, okay—enough!” you yell, taking a step back, “It’s… true, but it’s not what you think. Yuuta and I are legally married, but we’re not together together.”

Nobara reaches to flick you on the forehead, “What the hell does that mean?” 

“It means, we’re married on paper only,” you explain, strategically placing your knife in the sink, far out of Maki and Nobara’s reach. 

“Say more words,” Maki demands, “Now.” 

You sigh. Even Yuuji has paused his preparations, blinking at you with those big, wide eyes, and you know for sure there’s no way out of this now. 

“It happened four years ago. I—”

Despite being the one who asked you to say more, Maki is the first to cut you off, incredulous, “Four years? You’ve been married to that beanstalk for four years and neither one of you twigs thought to mention it?” 

“Maki, let her finish,” Yuuji pitches in for you, reaching a comforting hand out to your shoulder, “Maybe she was dying and needed Okkotsu-senpai to sign her insurance papers so the government didn’t sweep her away! I saw that in a K-Drama once,” he smiles proudly. Nobara pinches her face in disgust, immediately refuting and calling Yuuji an idiot for believing everything he sees on TV. 

“Honestly, that’s not too far off. I’m not dying—and neither is Yuuta,” you hastily correct the worried faces peering at you, “But he was sick as a kid, and long story short is something got fucked up with his insurance when his parents died. It wasn’t a big deal, at first, but it spiraled into a bunch of issues, the biggest being the threat of taking his parents’ house away from him.”

Nobara pulls back, crossing her arms. “Why didn’t Gojo just do something then? That idiot has more than enough money to spare for some petty hospital bill, even with twenty years of interest.” 

“He did,” you assure her, “But then the house became its own problem. His parents didn’t leave the deed in his name, and the community board tried to say that Yuuta had no assets and wasn’t a favored candidate for their neighborhood, even if he was their son.” 

“That’s bullshit,” Maki interjects. 

“Yeah, totally not fair,” Yuuji pouts, “That’s his dead parents’ house and they wanted him to prove himself?” 

“Pretty much,” you sigh, “Basically marriage is something that helped prove his eligibility… plus some doctored philanthropic donations on Gojo’s end, and letters of recommendation from Shoko and her co-workers.” 

Nobara tuts her bottom lip out. “I don’t know, I’m not buying it.” 

“No, it makes sense. I’m sure by now all his parents’ neighbors are a bunch of uptight, old heads who didn’t want some kid throwing parties nearby,” Maki argues, “But once they hear he’s a young, married, nurse with a side hustle in philanthropy, I’m sure those geezers welcomed him with open arms. Sounds like some shit my family would do, too.” 

Nobara hums, factoring in Maki’s evaluation. “Okay fine. Yuuta marries you, he gets his parents’ house back and probably commits insurance fraud too,” she settles, “But what about you?—You said this was mutually beneficial, so what did you get out of it?” 

You probably should talk to Yuuta about revealing all the details of your marriage to your friends, but you knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. Yuuta’s parents’ death and the issues that came along with it weren’t a secret at the time, but your problems are something you kept private. It’s a miracle you’ve gone this long under the radar, and you know Nobara isn’t going anywhere with unanswered questions. 

“Permanent residency status,” you tell her, “Yuuta’s a citizen, so in marrying him, all my problems about finding a job in six weeks after graduation disappeared.” 

“But… you got a job?” Yuuji questions, head tilted. 

“Yeah, eventually, but I didn’t know I would, and it was either take that chance, or be forced to go back home, and my time was running out,” you reveal, twiddling your thumbs together, “Look, I would have said something at the time, but everyone had their own shit to deal with after graduation. I would have asked any one of you to marry me, but I knew Yuuta was the only one with a reason to say yes.” 

The kitchen falls quiet as the news sits with your friends. Nobara and Maki’s stern disbelief slowly morphs into empathy, and Yuuji’s bright eyes grow steely with concentration as he pieces your story together. 

Then he springs up, “Wait, I totally would have married you, senpai!” 

You laugh, a lightness easing its way back into the room. “Thanks, Yuuji,” you lean to give him a kiss on the cheek, but you’re met with Nobara’s outstretched palm instead. 

“Nuh-uh. Just because I think this marriage is insane doesn’t mean that I condone adultery.” 

“It’s not adultery. I told you, Yuuta and I are married on paper only—he’s free to date and kiss whomever he pleases, and so am I,” You roll your eyes, pushing her hand away and giving Yuuji a kiss anyway, which he happily accepts, sticking his tongue out in mockery at Nobara.

Maki scoffs, “Are we sure that Yuuta knows that?” 

“Of course he knows that.”

“So then why hasn’t he dated anyone?” Maki presses, eyes lowering into a teasing glare. 

“I don’t know,” you shrug, “Who Yuuta does or doesn’t date isn’t really my business.” 

Nobara pulls at her hair, “Yes it is. You’re his wife.” 

“His contractual wife,” you correct. 

“Contractual?” 

“Wait—have Yuuta and Toge not totally kissed on several drunk, or am I the only one who saw that?” Yuuji interjects.

“No, that was you and Fushiguro,” Nobara says, “And nobody cares about you two right now.” 

You put a hand on Yuuji’s shoulder, “I care about you, Yuuji. Please, tell us about your drunk escapades with our dear Megumi.” 

“Save it, Itadori,” Maki cuts in, crushing Yuuji’s bright demeanor, “You and Yuuta are way more pathetic. Keep talking.” 

“Since when do you even like to gossip?” 

“Since she met me,” Nobara gleams, proudly, “Now, keep going.” 

You give Yuuji an apologetic glance before continuing, “I just mean that by the end of this year, Yuuta and I can get amicably divorced without raising any suspicion. Our marriage can’t be contested as a sham, I’ll be eligible for citizenship and housing on my own, and all will be well.” 

It’s quiet again, for a moment. You bite your lip in anticipation. Ultimately, you knew that none of your friends would judge you and Yuuta for what you did, but it wasn’t exactly normal to marry your friends for legal benefits, and then hide your marital status from almost everyone you knew. Still, this conversation was going about as well as it could, until Maki starts laughing. 

Her laughter starts off quiet, then grows gradually, until it becomes concerning. You don’t think you’ve ever seen Maki actually laugh before—a few amused grunts, and occasional drunk giggles, yes, but full-on, blown laughter is a first. It’s scary, and as you glance at Nobara and Yuuji, you’re clearly not the only one worried. 

“You actually believe that he doesn’t feel anything for you—that’s rich,” she says through laughter, clutching her stomach, “God help you if you think you can just divorce him. You two are so fucked, you deserve each other.”

“Wait, speaking of rich, did you sign a prenup? Isn’t Yuuta totally loaded now that he’s a nurse and related to Gojo—I also don’t think that you’ll be able to divorce him that easily, but if you kill him, you could be an instant millionaire,” Nobara reasons. 

“That’s so shallow!” Yuuji exclaims, “Also, I’m a nurse, and I wouldn’t say I’m loaded.” 

“That’s because you’re not cute like Yuuta,” Nobara mocks, “If you were, then you’d make the big bucks.” 

“I’m cute!” Yuuji cries, turning to you, “I’m cute, right?” 

You reach to pat his head, “Yes, Yuuji, you’re very cute. And perfectly well off enough. Yuuta works inhumane hours for his money, don’t be like him.” 

“Itadori, you make, like, quadruple what the average person makes,” Maki reminds him, “You just spend it all just as quickly.” 

Nobara scoffs, “Which he can afford to do because he’s a nepotism baby.” 

“You just said I was poor and ugly, and now I’m a nepotism baby? Pick a story, Kugisaki!”

“I don’t have to pick shit. Nanami-san sponsors your entire life, and enables your bad spending habits,” she huffs, “Yuuta’s a nepotism nurse, too. In fact, you both make me sick.” 

“Okay, then by that logic Fushiguro is also a nepotism baby!”

“Well, duh. He’s, like, the poster child for nepotism babies all around the world.” 

You drown out Nobara and Yuuji’s argument, mulling over Maki’s words instead. Did she mean to imply that Yuuta would make your divorce difficult on purpose?—you don’t see why; Yuuta doesn’t have a malicious bone in his body, and it wouldn’t serve him any purpose. You didn’t sign a prenup, but you would never argue ownership over any of his assets, and you know that Yuuta knows that; he’d already given you so much, you would never try to take anything from him. 

In fact, getting divorced would only open more doors for him. You don’t know if Yuuta hasn’t dated in the past four years out of some lingering loyalty to your marriage, but if that was the case, then you don’t want to stand in his way for any longer than necessary, and you especially don’t want him to grow to resent you for it. He would no longer be unnecessarily bound to you; he’d be free, legally, to carry on with his life—you would be the only one indebted to him for his boundless kindness. 

Truthfully, you hadn’t thought much of your divorce throughout your marriage. You knew that after five years, you could get divorced without consequence, but you hadn’t pictured how that would go. The thought of it somehow messing with your relationship to Yuuta, and your mutual friendships makes your head hurt. Maybe you should have married Yuuji instead. 

“Are you kidding, Yuuta would have mauled him,” Nobara chuckles, “Plus he would have lost his childhood home.” You blink. Guess you said that last part out loud. 

Her words spark more bickering between her and Itadori, and this time you turn to Maki. It was evident that she was just as much in the dark as anybody else about your secret marriage, but, still, it seemed like she knew something that you didn’t. 

“Maki, does... you said I think that Yuuta doesn’t feel anything—then what does he feel?” 

Maki blinks, then shakes her head, “You clearly don’t know who you married. That’s for you and your husband to work out.” She continues, this time that same wicked laughter is back, “Just know that whatever your plan for divorce was, it’s not going to be that easy. Yuuta is stupid, clearly, but he’s not that dumb. At least, I hope not.” 

You pout, shoulders slumping. That was about the most cryptic and least comforting response a person could give, but you shouldn’t have expected more from Maki. Luckily, Yuuji moves to give your shoulders a comforting rub, forgoing Nobara’s exclamations of him being a homewrecking harlot. 

At this point, you can’t tell if their arguing or your overthinking is causing your headache. Maybe you should cancel this group dinner all together; there’s no way you and Yuuta won’t be the topic of conversation all night, and you’re not exactly looking forward to pairing Maki’s mystic messages with Toge’s public humiliation, unless you start consuming liquor now. 

Deciding that’s the best plan of action, you turn to your cupboards to reach for a bottle of wine, pawning off popping the cork to Maki when your phone buzzes, catching your attention. 

It’s a text from Yuuta, similar to one you’ve received on this day every day, for the past four years, with something a little extra tacked on this year. 

from: yuuta 🌟 — happy anniversary (and i’m not just saying that because the feds are watching) (＾∇＾) — cheers to us, and many more! 🖤

[bee-wg]

Year 4:

Beep Beep Beep Beep

“Oh my god, uncle! You’re gonna burn the house down!” Theo yelled.

“David, What happened? Is your hand bleeding?” Mom screamed

“Ahahaha, it’s nothing Chloe, don’t worry about it. I was just trying to make everyone a surprise breakfast,” Dad said.

“It’s nothing? There’s fire on the stove!” Mom said frantically.

“I got the fire extinguisher, don’t worry. Just a little mishap,” Dad said, trying to cheer them up.

“Uncle, you’re bleeding all over the fire extinguisher! We need to get him to the hospital,” Theo said.

“Hahaha, I guess I am a little clumsy,” Dad said.

Beep Beep Beep

“Someone please turn off the fire alarm, it’s stressing me out,” Mom asked

“What’s happening?” I asked, half asleep in my Pajamas.

Sometimes life surprises you, one moment, you were having a sweet dream. Then, you’re driving your bleeding father to the hospital in Pajamas. The new SUV does feel nice to drive, at least.

“I’m fine, guys. I think it must be the sugar. If I would’ve put more in it, this wouldn’t have happened,” Dad said.

“David, I love you, but don’t you EVER pull stupid stunts like that again,” Mom said, leaning on Dad’s shoulder.

Apparently, Dad wanted to surprise us with waffles for breakfast and thank Mom for all the delicious food she made. He was also hungry for a snack, so he broke Mom's one rule: Don’t mess with her kitchen.

The doctor said he could remove the cast in two months, about the time Theo and I graduate. He already got an internship in a restaurant, bringing home some fancy leftovers. 

Mom has not let off her sight from Dad since we got back. She gave him a firm warning and pinched his cheek. Now Dad gets ice cream and meals delivered to his mouth without lifting a finger.

I wish someone would do that for me. Imagine not having to leave the bed and constantly having sweets in your mouth. That would be a dream.

My thoughts disturb me sometimes. 

Since winning the competition, I have accepted that I will never be muscular again. The original plan was to savour everything I could for a year, then go on a diet. Mom and Theo have slowed down with the food so that I won’t eat until my stomach is about to burst, but they won’t refuse if I ask for something.

Now I am close to 500 pounds with my stomach always growling for more. I guess it’s just another fat ass behaviour I would have to accept.

Since losing weight is out of the question, I have figured out a way to keep my core muscle fit enough to support the enormous belly in front of me. It’s simple, I stick an 8-inch dildo from Seven’s house to my chair, and I would sit on it when I’m playing video games or watching a movie. When the itch gets too much, I can use my core muscles to lift myself up and down. This way, I get to work out and get off. It's not good for the chair, but who cares? It’s reinforced.

***

It was a regular lunchtime when Brad broke into my house again. Usually, he would greet my parents and head straight upstairs to perform witchcraft for all I care, but today, his footsteps are leading to my door.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Brad is the kind of asshole that does not knock. I still have the dildo in me!

I panicked and pulled up my pants before getting off the dildo.

He came in right as I flopped my belly down to cover the fact that my pants were not fully pulled up.

“Sup,” I said.

“Sup, Jay,” he reached out his fist for a bump.

“So, you know our last season of football in college just ended,” he said. 

Brad walked to my left to sit on my bed.

I rotate my seat to face him so he doesn’t see my ass hanging out in the back.

“Oh, fuck!” I yelped.

Fuck, the dildo twisted in the movement, now poking my prostate. 

“You okay, dude?” Brad asked.

“Of course, continue,” I said with the best smile I could muster.

“The guys are celebrating, so it’s like the last party for the team, and I was wondering if,”

“Okay, yeah, I’ll go,” I said quickly.

“Oh, that’s it? You usually don't like to go out or like- move at all,” he said, then stood up.

His sudden movement startled me, and the dildo jerked deeper.

“Are you sure you’re okay, dude?” Brad said, walking closer.

“I’m all good bruh, don’t worry,” I said.

I can feel my hole tensing, almost swallowing the dildo whole.

“I just don’t want you to be angry at me for fucking your cousin. If you want me to stop, I will,” he said.

“You what the who?” I said, baffled.

“I’m fucking,”

“Ew no, don’t tell me. I’m fine as long as you never mention doing that with my cousin ever again,” I said.

He let out a breath.

“Well, that’s something out of my chest. I’m going up now. I’ll come here and pick you up tomorrow night,” Brad said, rushing out the door.

I let out a breath too.

The locks will never be open after this traumatic experience.

My ass is still tingling, so I quickly fuck myself with the dildo to get over with it.

***

The drive to the house has been excruciatingly slow because Brad is a cautious driver. It leaves a lot of time to think without food distracting me.

I am now extremely aware of the bright yellow Pikachu face stretching across my belly. There aren't many clothes that fit me, and it’s been a while since I went out, so I didn’t bother buying new shirts. 

I haven’t seen them in a while. They’re gonna think I’m fucking lame.

“Dude, snap out of it. Everyone there misses you. I didn’t invite the assholes,” Brad said.

“…I guess.” 

“You’re doing the arm-scratching thing again, haven’t seen you doing that in a while,” Brad said.

“I’m going to put on some music, and you’re going to stop thinking, okay?” Brad added.

“Yeah, okay,” I replied.

When we opened the door, Marcus the quarterback greeted us, and half my worries melted away. 

He is about 300 pounds, which feels skinny to me now. At least I’m not the only fat one.

Now that I look into it, not everyone has defined abs. I don’t know why I expected everyone to be runway models. Even Brad is softer around the middle.

“Dude! Where have you been?” Aiden yelled.

“Oh shit, you look humongous, my guy,” Braxton said.

We quickly got back into the groove we had two summers ago.

Brad booted up a party game, and we tried our hardest to destroy each other.

We also caught up on what each of us was up to this past year, or what to do with our future. Aiden wants to marry his girlfriend, Marcus wants to join his boyfriend’s band, and Brad wants to be a freelance artist alongside his side job.

When the night came, They ordered some Chicken wings and pizzas.

“Fuck yeah, trash food! No more diet from Coach,” Aiden said, taking away half the pizza.

“By the way, I bought extra pizzas to see how much we can push ourselves,” Brad said.

I have a bad feeling about this.

“Of course, if it’s too much, we can always count on Jay,” Brad laughed.

There are six of us, with twenty large pizzas. I am screwed.

“It’s just some pizzas, no big deal. I can beat Jay easily,” Braxton, the most muscular guy in the group, said.

“Hahaha, don’t underestimate him, my dude,” Brad replied.

Except for Marcus, all of them are wimps. They started groaning and bitching after a few slices.

“Damn it, how do you make it look so easy,” Aiden asked.

“There’s a technique to it, dumb ass. I trained for this shit,” I answered.

Aiden then passed out from the food coma after six slices. 

Two more people soon followed after him.

Brad is on his way to his second pizza. His stomach has never looked this bloated before. Marcus is trying his hardest on his fourth one, but the guy is barely hanging on.

When the seventh pizza box emptied, I was stuffed beyond belief.

The guys woke up and refocused their energy on me to finish the rest.

“There’s only two left, people. Finish it,” I said, pointing at the boxes.

“We’re not on your level, Jay. You’re like, a pro at this,” Aiden said.

“Yeah, man. Only you can do it,” Brad said.

Braxton handed the pizza box over, and they started feeding me slice by slice.

“Come on Jay, you’re better than this,” Aiden said and rubbed my belly.

These people have no personal boundaries like always.

I am beyond capacity after the eighth one.

This was most likely a fucked up plan by Brad to show they don’t care I’m a fat ass. I still believed they wouldn’t like me because of my size until a few hours ago, now it seems ridiculous to reject all those party invites last year. Well, maybe I was up to something because now they’re trying to suffocate me with pizzas.

When Aiden stuffed the last of the slices in my mouth, everyone cheered.

Tonight was absurd, but I got my friends back. When some guys were not happy for a fat guy to be on the team, they stopped hanging out with me. I thought I was a lost cause.

“Dude, you better come back next time,” Aiden said.

“I’m gonna beat you next time, Jay. Watch it,” Braxton said.

“Awesome to have you back, man,” Marcus said.

It reminds me of that summer when we hung out by the river every time the fast food party room got too suffocating, when my worries were carried away by the water. 

“Thanks, Brad. For doing this,” I told him once we got in the car.

“No problem, I’m always here,” he answered.

I must have gotten too sentimental, or pizzas are clogging my brain, but I opened my Instagram and tabbed Recent in the search bar.

It seems like he made some new decorations for the coffee shop. 

I scrolled down to see the picture of the beach.

“Stop scrolling like a creep, Jay. Just call him,” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“He’s still waiting for that coffee,” Brad said.

“You still talk to Ave?” I asked.

“This is fucking depressing to watch, Jay. You guys were best friends,” he said.

“You know, I was kinda jealous of you guys back in the day. I was the skinny guy who got bullied on the side, and you were the guy on the team who still takes the time of day to befriend me. I only had you, and you also had him. It’s frustrating seeing you throw that away,” he finishes.

He doesn’t understand though. I’m a hypocrite who ignored Ave when he got fat. I don’t deserve his attention.

***

It’s been two weeks since our graduations and Dad getting his cast off. Mom has been working full-time, trying to figure out what we could do as a family to celebrate. It’s proven to be difficult when there are two 500-pound whales in said family. We can’t fit into any amusement park ride, and we’ll sink into the bottom of the ocean if we go to the beach. So, the rational thing to do is a picnic. At least that’s what I suggested. But Mom insisted a camping trip was the best family bonding option. For two whales.

It’s fine, I thought to myself. We have done this plenty of times.

After stuffing Dad in the front seat and the emergency food boxes in the back of the SUV. Mom explained the bags of medicines she bought like a flight attendant with the safety instructions. She must have been traumatized by Dad’s injury. He’s not allowed to do anything remotely dangerous, like moving his hand to eat. Hence, the army medical packs.

Mom went through the bottles of fox spray, bear spray, mosquito spray, sun spray and pepper spray, and then we finally got moving.

On our way there, we had some intermissions at the gas stations to replenish snacks. Theo whined it, but this was all his fault anyway.  If only he hadn’t grown our monstrous appetite, and forced musical soundtracks to be played in the car for hours, I might have skipped over a few snack breaks.

Recently, my weight has stabilized at about 520 pounds. Thank God my exercises on the chair worked; otherwise, I’m going to blow up on my way to the camp. 

“Guys, Brad said safe trip, and he’ll miss us,” Theo said.

“He probably only meant you,” I replied.

Theo has been giggling for an hour straight, looking at his phone.

“I’ll miss you, Bradley. The signal’s breaking off. See you soon!” Theo said.

We set up the camp in a few hours. By the time we were done, the sun had already set, giving the mountain an orange hue. 

Today we’re going up to Sunshore Lake. It’s going to be a steep walk, but I’m ready to flex my athletic prowess.

It was not a good sign that I was already sweating before arriving at the entrance.

“David, this is a bit steeper than I remembered. Do you guys want to stay down here?” Mom said.

“Nah. Jay and I will do it. This is a piece of cake compared to what we used to do. Right, son?” Despite not having to walk for more than a year, Dad remains confident.

“Hell yeah, Dad. Let’s show them what we're made of!” I said.

I give up. We’re a third of the way through, and I can feel my belly weighing me down.

“Come on -huff, son, you -huff-can do it!” Dad said, looking worse than I do.

Theo looked at us and chuckled.

“Guys, I’m so sorry! I should’ve known this was too much,” Mom said, panicking.

“It’s- it’s all good, Chloe. Remember you married the- huff- Star athlete back in college?” Dad smiled at Mom and gave her a thumbs up.

“Need a hand?” Theo asked me.

“Isn’t that too much?” I motioned to our luggage on his back.

“Oh, that’s nothing,” he swung my arm behind his shoulder and carried me.

He’s been doing that more often than not when I couldn’t get up. Probably the reason he got all those muscles under his shirt. What happened to the noodle arm ginger?

“Thanks, man. I guess I don’t have to roll back down there,” I said.

When we were halfway through, Dad told us solemnly.

“I- I don’t think I can make it.”

“Noooo, David I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for things to end this way,” Mom said with tears in her eyes.

“I love you guys. You’re the light of my life. I am honour to be a husband, a father, and a-” 

“Dad, you’re not dying. We’re almost there,” I said.

“Is it too late to call an emergency helicopter?” Mom asked.

“David, I love you, but I really don’t want to touch you right now. Can you pull through yourself, baby?” Mom said, looking at the sweat ball that was Dad.

Theo burst out laughing, and I couldn’t help but join too, even if I was in an equally dire situation.

When we got to the top, everyone was exhausted. 

We cleaned ourselves up with towels, and Mom went to check the Kayaking information. 

Dad and I were too big for it, as expected, so we went to find a good spot for fishing.

“I’m so excited. I have never kayaked before!” Theo said, looking as refreshed as ever.

Before we set up our fishing gear, they eagerly ditched us.

The Lake looked as calm as ever. It's boring with little going on.

Mom and Theo are probably in the middle of the lake now.

Staring at the stale water, I realized Dad was not perfect. He’s a little stubborn, clueless sometimes, but that’s what I like about him. I don’t know if anyone would find my quirks appealing. if Ave would.

I’m just a Lazy food addict who basically lives in his mom’s basement, so maybe not.

“Jay?” Dad said.

“What’s up, Dad?” I asked.

“You think too much, buddy.”

“You were always an overthinker since you were a toddler,” Dad said.

“I remember you told me you wanted to play football instead of hockey because hockey will give you frostbites, and freeze you into those Neanderthals from the museums,” Dad said.

“Oh Gosh,” he still remembers.

“You know what?” Dad said, then quickly took off his shirt.

“Let’s go for a swim,” He said with a smile.

“But the fishing,” I said.

“Don’t worry about the fish,” He said, walking back and charging towards the water.

The cannonball created a massive splash, making me completely wet.

“Mother of God, it’s freezing! Did you see that, Jay?” He said with a laugh.

“Yeah, that was pretty cool,” I chuckled. It’s not every day you see a chunky beast jumping into the water.

“Come on, Jay, take it off and jump!” he said.

I have not taken off my shirt in public since middle school, when I started to notice my flaws. Even in the locker room, I would find a bathroom stall to change.

“Don’t overthink it, Jay! Trust me!” Dad said.

Don’t overthink, I thought.

I took off my shirt and back off. When I pick up the pace, my entire body is wobbling.

With all the strength I have, I jumped.

Shit, this was a bad idea.

The cold water hit me.

First, nothing but white bubbles clouded me. Then, schools of fish surrounding me appeared in my vision, hurrying away from the meteor strike. I moved my legs slightly apart on the lakebed, so I don’t step on the tiny crabs while they take refuge in the kelp forest.

“Holy Fuck, it’s freezing!” I said as I pulled my head out of the water.

“Hahahaha, watch your mouth, Jay. You don’t want to summon your mother here,” Dad said.

The view down there was breathtaking; it was what I expected, but not. The fish looked different from a simple change of scenery. I wouldn't have known if I had never jumped.

“I’m proud of you, Jay. That was a huge splash. Aren’t the views here amazing?” he said.

“Thank you, Dad. I wouldn’t have done it without you,” I said.

“You did it all by yourself, kid,” he replied.

We kept exploring the lake until our stomachs growled in protest.

After setting up the fire, we roasted some fish in the bucket and made S’mores from caramel marshmallows. 

Theo and Mom joined and we talked about the stories we had at school or some embarrassing stories of me Dad has kept.

The next day, we packed up our stuff to leave. The mountain is beautiful and all, but Dad and I are starving for some real food.

On our way down, I realized that I had been the biggest enemy to myself. There are so many supportive people surrounding me when my self-doubt overshadows them.

The signal bars slowly appear one by one. I opened Avery’s profile picture.

If he rejects me, I’ll be embarrassed in front of a person I really care about.

I shouldn’t overthink.

There’s nothing more I can lose when I already lost his company.

So I texted.

“Hey, Ave. I know I’m late, but would you mind if I take you up on your offer for the coffee?”

“...” a text bubble appeared.

“I thought you'd never ask.”

[teatraps]

Gotta rant about Edgar Valden rq

Cause seriously, his character is so cool to me. Like, you have the basic rundown. Rich kid ran away from home because he was dissatisfied with his life there. But then, all of that ends up just being a red herring. The “dissatisfaction” which always came off as him just being in his own head and looking down on others because he thinks he’s better than them gets flipped on its head with his 3rd letter. All of his trash talk makes so much more sense. He wasn’t just saying he didn’t care about other people’s opinions or money or fame because he was super self absorbed. He was saying that because he knew first hand the damage chasing money, fame, and power can cause. Really thinking about it, his father basically killed his entire family for status. And then, the slight implication that Edgar’s dad knew what Sarai was doing to Edgar the whole time. Now, it’s vague about what Sarai did to Edgar, but it was obviously bad enough to deteriorate his mental health to the point of having hallucinations. All that, and his dad never got rid of Sarai. Never fired him. Nothing. Which makes sense, because having a super talented artist in the family looks good for status, why would his dad care. He couldn’t care enough to let his wife rest to get better from her illness, or to actually look for his youngest child when she went missing.

For the little we do know about Sarai, we know he taught Edgar that praise is the highest form of love. Again, playing into the idea that Edgar was brought up to try and appease others and try to get status and fame. This is even kinda hinted at in his very first letter when he tells Ella that he’s going to become a famous artist, a goal he ends up feeling disillusioned by. The fact he still kept painting even after no longer wanting fame and recognition shows his love for painting was rooted in something much deeper than that. Then, referencing back to his deductions where he says that life is beautiful and the brush can preserve that beauty, it shows exactly what it was that keeps him going with art. He thinks life is beautiful. A simple reason, but a lovely one nonetheless. He cherishes the beautiful moments like the time he had with his mother or Ella.

This also could change what he even meant by looking for inspiration when going to the manor. When he talks about how he finds no inspiration in his home, it’s not something as simple as everything is just boring. He talks about how the culture of the aristocracy is just straight up draining for him. The greed. The constant push for more money and status, even at the cost of loved ones. The shallowness. There’s no beauty in it, he can’t find inspiration in it. Even as he signs off his farewell letter, he implies he would never go back home. He’s not just running off on some little trip to find inspiration and go home right after. He was straight up cutting off the life he once knew because it wasn’t really a life at all. As he puts it, he was just another decoration for his dad. For most of his life, he was kind of treated as less than human. More like a party trick for his dad to show off and gain their family more status.

And while we don’t know much about his role in game 5, the context of the game makes him stand out a lot. Outside of the fact that Edgar wasn’t in a faction at the start and the only character truly confirmed dead, his goals are also completely different from the rest of the group and he thematically differs from the others. Every other character is in some way trying to fix some “issue” with themself to try to assimilate into a group they were ostracized from (I say issue in quotes because it’s usually something out of their control that they honestly shouldn’t have been blamed for). Chloe trying to become Vera to be accepted, Jose trying to get his first officer title back and rejoin the aristocracy (or his alcoholism in order to maintain his station as a first officer in the first place), Kevin trying to prove to himself that he’s reached a point where he could’ve protected Angelina so he can face her tribe, and Patricia trying to rid herself of her curse in order to be accepted into her mother’s village. Meanwhile, there’s Edgar who was wanted by his community, but not taken care of by them. All five of them have a similar goal, to get some form of community and support, but Edgar is in a much different position from the rest of his team since he is more confident in himself and who he is. It’s never been called into question, and I don’t think that’s a negative trait either since every time someone in game 5 tries to correct their “flaw” it causes more harm than good. From Chloe killing her sister who was innocent, to Jose accidentally poisoning Kevin who was innocent, Patricia killing Edgar even though he didn’t do anything to her, and even Kevin being self destructive in drinking the poison. Not to mention three out of four of them feel regret and unfulfilled after they do it (and the one I’m not counting is Patricia because it’s not fully confirmed, but tbh there are things that foreshadow her not feeling fulfilled either so you could make it four out of four). Edgar, at least on the surface, didn’t internalize that there was something wrong with him that made the people around him treat him like trash, mainly because he was always desired by the people around him. These people still weren’t good for him though, leading to the lack of inspiration they give him. As he says, he’s looking for “fresh colors” and Edgar only refers to colors when he’s talking about someone he cared for (his mom = green, Ella = white, Sarai = red). Edgar looking for fresh colors could probably roughly translate to looking for new companionship with people that actually care about him.

If I really wanted to get into the internalizing thing tho, I’d probably say his willingness to sacrifice himself probably comes from…

1. Being so used to getting treated like a tool his entire life he thinks it’s the standard to a degree (hence why he’ll complain about having to play hero roles but still gets them regularly anyway)

2. Being unable to truly repent to Patricia because he can’t bring himself to apologize for killing Sarai (and he shouldn’t tbh, especially considering that was like his first act of true autonomy)

3. And lastly, just not really having anywhere to go after the manor. His goalpost ended at the manor while the other four saw it more as a stepping stone to get to other places.

And that’s not even getting into his overall lore relevance because let’s not act like he didn’t imply the Deross family are family friends of the Valden family in his 3rd letter. PLUS he has ties to Barriere.

He’s always got this slightly hopeful air to him, like he’s always looking up. It’s honestly just a really nice breather from the usual doom and gloom of idv’s storyline (granted his story is still depressing asf, but for idv standards it’s pretty happy. Like his 3rd letter where he just goes no contact with his dad is probably one of the healthiest things I’ve ever seen an idv character do). Even in the end, he gets the ending he wanted. He finds the inspiration he was looking for, but tbh I don’t think it was death that he was trying to achieve. His deaths are always portrayed as sacrifices specifically. It’s usually not something he really wants to do. Runaway didn’t want to risk his life and put himself in danger with mir, but he does it because he doesn’t want to abandon the followers to a cult. Censer didn’t want to die, he still really wanted to see his creator’s wish come true, but he accepts death if it will bring it closer to coming true. Even in his experiment file, Orpheus says Edgar accepted it at the end, so he decides to accept it at the end of the game. Most likely for some greater goal that hasn’t been revealed yet since Orpheus was hella vague in his experiment file.

I could honestly go on and on about how well executed his whole character is too. With how well they played into double entendres with his words and used a lot of art metaphors to sort of hide his actual character so on the surface you wouldn’t clock it immediately. Or the carefully picked art references they used in his trailer that all tie into his character really well (I still think he has one of the best trailers to date). To even the way his birthday letters are released, and keeping his perspective on game 5 hidden despite probably having the most reliable account, instead having other characters describe him to play into the misdirection.

I could literally talk for hours about Edgar Valden, he is the idv character of all time and I love him sm

[anxresi]

I’m Sorry, But We REALLY Need To Talk About THIS from the leaked scripts.

Out of the MANY downright idiotic and plainly risible events that occur in future episodes of this accursed show, THIS is the Big One which stands out to me as being utterly beneath contempt (and it’s got nothing to do with Audrey being a balloon, funnily enough).

Who the hell does Andre think he is, giving himself a divorce JUST. LIKE. THAT. Pretty sure even mayors don’t have that power.

Also, how can he adopt Zoe out of the blue? (don’t forget: he’s barely even LIVED with her for one season, and not even say her name for THREE) He hasn’t asked her, and as far as I’m aware, they never even discuss it before the end of the season. 

Come to think of it, what does her ACTUAL father Mr Lee back in New York have to say about this bizarre situation? Is he going to fight this sudden whim of Andre’s in court? Is he dead? No-one knows, sorry. Expecting any kind of logic from Miraculous is like waiting for it to rain chocolate milk in the Sahara during the middle of summer, I guess.

Andre has a point with Audrey, of course... but who was it that caved into his daughter’s worst excesses while his wife was regularly away? Who let her have everything she ever wanted, so she became the spoiled brat we know of today? And who’s set to avoid prosecution for YEARS of political corruption, just because he now wants a quiet life as a movie director with his oh-so-perfect adopted daughter? Here’s a clue... he’s wearing a big sash! 

But suddenly ‘redeeming’ Andre and relieving him of all responsibility to his daughter’s conduct (not to mention avoid punishment), it just goes to know how DETERMINED the show is to vilify Chloe and give her the WORST possible outcome (even ahead of ACTUAL TERRORISTS like Gabriel) even at the expense of changing past events, and radically modifying other character’s personalities at the drop of a hat if it suits their painstaking ‘Chloe sux lol’ agenda. 

But seeing as they’re pretending Chloe was ALWAYS a complete monster with no moments of humanity now, at least they have form in this department. They must hope the audience has amnesia at best, or are complete fools at worse. Well, there’s nothing with MY memory Mr Astruc, and I may not be a genius but my IQ is comfortably three figures last time I checked. Better luck with the rest of the fanbase though!

You can just imagine Thomas personally BEGGING to animate that last shot of ‘Chloe Looking Worried’. Probably offered up the life of his firstborn grandchild. That ****ing *****... 

Anyway, please spare a thought for Chloe being forcibly taken away by her lifelong abuser on a plane to further damage her permanently, I guess. “Take Control’... yep, I’ve heard those words before...

All at the behest of ‘Father Of The Year’ Andre, who I suppose is now meant to be some kind of hero for subjecting his now estranged daughter to even more trauma at the hands of his despised ex.

But it’s all okay! He likes Zoe ‘the best’ you see, so he can quite happily turn off his conscience now that the show has seen fit to allow him to escape any kind of karma, and start a new life with no regrets. YAY!

This is Chloe’s last scene in the episode, the season and possibly last in the series as a whole. 

Gabriel gets a statue. Andre gets a fresh start. Chloe...

I’m sorry, I can’t even think about it. Did I mention I now HATE this show with the intensity of a million suns?

Because I do. And now you know why.

[lonelywhalien22]

trust me

pairing: bang chan x reader

rating/genre: comfort, fluff, sprinkle of angst

summary: you're having a bad day and your boyfriend chan is there to try and make you feel better.

warnings: reader is low key hella sad in this (take care of yourselves yall <3) + a steamy kiss (very self indulgent ik i'm sorry)

word count: 2.7k

song(s) to listen to while reading: steamroller by phoebe bridgers (reader is hella sad so are we surprised lol), renee's song by bazzi, fall by chloe x halle

note: while i try to tame some bigger fic ideas into submission i'll occasionally polish up + share some of my more decent smaller pieces from years past. pretty sure i wrote this one in the throws of the p*ndemic while struggling with college and feeling hella touch starved...so yeah...enjoy lol <3

————

It was one of those days - one where that funny feeling had bubbled up inside of you, seemingly out of nowhere. You knew it all too well by now, knew its signs and its symptoms. One moment you’d be fine, and then it would happen - a dreaded phone call for an appointment that you could no longer put off, a tedious task at work, a much needed item that you’d misplaced and couldn’t find - sometimes it was all of these things in one day and more, and suddenly you weren’t ok. And as much as you’d try to not let all the frustrations of life get to you, as much as you’d try to hold on to the good, to the light, sometimes bit by bit it would still slip from your grasp until you were tired of trying and there was nothing left inside of you but a dull gray.

You hated when you got in these sorts of moods - used to think there'd be some stage in life, some milestone you could reach, thing you could achieve that would make them go away forever, but you’d survived enough of them by now to know that it was a lifelong battle. There were highs and lows, and today just happened to be one of the lows.

Today also just happened to be one where your boyfriend Bang Chan was supposed to be coming over. His presence was one that so often brought light into your life - fun and laughter and a smile to every situation, but despite having accepted that you were in a sour mood, the thought of him seeing you this way made you feel worse instead of better - like a recluse undeserving of such sweet affection. As if he could hear your thoughts from afar, your cellphone began ringing on the kitchen table, temporarily snapping you right out of your self pity.

“Am I still good to stop by in an hour?" You could practically hear the excitement in his voice, imagining his charming smile immediately, but the warmth in your chest only lasted for a second before you just felt even more upset with yourself. You didn’t wanna burden him with your feelings - tramp all over his joy with your frustration.

"Hey Chan. I'm sorry, but I'm kind of feeling like trash right now." You thought maybe that would be the end of it, hoped that he would read between the lines, but he was completely oblivious, a caring tone seeping into his words as he tried to help you instead.

"Are you sick? I can pick up something for you and bring it by if you want.”

"No, that's not exactly it," you began, struggling to find the words. There was a long pause on the line, and you could hear Chan shifting, as if he was sitting up. You cursed in your head. There was no way he was gonna let this go now - not when you were being so distant. 

“Babe, you know you can tell me anything right?” His use of the nickname made your heart flutter again, gently coaxing you to open up to him - to be honest.

“I know.” 

“Then talk to me.”

“I just…I don’t know, it’s stupid.”

“Nothing you say is stupid,” Chan said immediately. “Tell me what’s going on.”

You let out a sigh before nervously continuing. “It’s just…sometimes I’ll get in this really weird headspace and it makes me feel like crap and...I'm just annoyed with myself. I'm sorry if that doesn't make any sense...I think maybe I just need to be alone right now," you tried to get the last words out but began to break down a little as you really thought about what you’d said. Something about hearing it out loud made it feel all the more real, your eyes beginning to water and throat beginning to dry up.

“It sounds like you're upset. You sure you don't want me to come over?” 

You took a big breath, trying to calm yourself before speaking again, but no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t find it in you to say anything else. It felt paralyzing - being stuck between the part of you that just wanted him to be with you and the part that was afraid you’d scare him away forever with your feelings. The more you thought about it the more emotional you got, and you felt a tear run down your cheek before you started to sob silently into the phone.

"Babe? Y/n?” Chan asked, voice becoming laced with concern. 

"Yeah?" It was all you could manage to sob out.

"I'm coming over right now," he said quickly, making the decision for you. You could already hear shuffling sounds in the background as he presumably scrambled to grab his things.

"Give me like twenty minutes ok? And just stay on the line with me please? Can you do that for me?" 

"Yeah. I'm sorry." 

“There's nothing to be sorry for," Chan said softly.

————

In less than twenty minutes you heard a hurried knock on your door. Hanging up on your phone, you pulled yourself off of the couch and shuffled over to the entrance of your apartment, unlocking and pulling open the door to reveal your boyfriend's slightly panicked face.

“Hey…” he whispered gently when he saw you. You moved out of the way and he quickly stepped inside, setting down a bunch of bags before he turned back around and immediately enveloped you in his arms. The warmth of his body pressed against yours easily disarmed you, walls falling down so that all you could think about was his sturdy embrace. 

"I'm sorry,” you mumbled into his chest, trying to look at him. “I didn't mean to worry y-" 

"Hmm. Shush. No apologizing. Just let me hold you for a minute, yeah?" 

You nodded your head against him, silent as you slowly relaxed all the muscles in your body and let yourself really feel his warmth, feel all of the love radiating from his body into yours. He smelled like his shower gel, a hint of spearmint seeping into your lungs as your breathing began to slow and your eyes closed, whizzing thoughts in your head beginning to dissipate one by one. Your fingers curled into the fabric of his black sweater, holding on as if you never wanted to let go, and he let you - staying wrapped around you for an entire minute, just like he said. One of his hands stayed firmly wrapped around your waist while the other went up to start rubbing all the way from your head to the middle of your back, repeating the motion leisurely. You released a sigh of content as he did this, feeling yourself start to calm down, heart rate beginning to slow. Eventually he loosened his arms just enough to pull back a little and look at your tear-stained face.

"Let's sit down and I'll get you some food to eat hmm?" he said quietly, thumb wiping across your wet cheeks. You nodded, feeling a bit like a child as he lead you to your couch and wrapped a blanket around you before getting you some food from one of the bags he brought. When he came back you noticed his hair was a bit wet, presumably still drying from a shower he must have taken right before calling you, strands curling from the dampness. And as you looked down at the container of food he’d placed in your hands you realized it was your favorite meal from your favorite place. He even remembered how you always asked for extra sauce. 

Chan stayed silent as you slowly picked up your fork and began to eat, still sniffling a little. He easily found the remote to your tv, switching it on in a practiced familiarity, and put on one of your favorite movies, letting it play softly in the background before digging in to his own food.

When you’d both finished eating, he silently patted his lap, and you knew without any explanation that he was asking you to lean yourself back into his embrace. You did so shyly, Chan grabbing the blanket and draping it around the two of you before he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you even closer. Finally you relaxed, leaning your head into the crook of his neck and turning slightly so that you could shamelessly wrap your arms around his middle, no longer even focusing on the tv at all. It felt so comforting to be in his arms that your eyes immediately began to close, his embrace luring you to sleep.

————

When you woke up it was dark outside. You blinked a couple times, shifting slightly before realizing that you were still completely wrapped up in Chan’s arms. To your embarrassment, you caught him peeking at you with the softest look on his face, your heart beating a little faster because you’d never been this close to him for so long before. 

“Better?” he asked you simply, thumb moving to rub against your elbow gently.

You opened your eyes a bit wider, immediately beginning to shift up on the couch.

“I’m sorry, I didn't realize how late it was," you said quickly instead of answering his question, feeling guilty as you shifted a little from his embrace. You’d essentially used him as your own personal pillow for who knows how many hours. “I didn’t mean to keep you here like that for so long,” you continued to ramble, but Chan only shook his head in response.

“Y/n. Hey - look at me,” Chan said with a soothing tone. You stopped your shuffling and did as he asked.

“Do you feel better?” he repeated his question from earlier, and you finally nodded a little before picking at the blanket on your lap.

“Yeah. I’m just sorry I wasted your time because of some dumb mood I was in," you responded, annoyed with yourself as you pushed your hair out of your face roughly.

“You know it’s not a crime to feel sad, right?” Chan started gently after a couple beats of silence, clearly trying to find the right words as his thumb continued to lightly rub against your skin. “Even if there isn’t a clear reason - that doesn’t make how you’re feeling any less real.”

“I guess.” You dismissed his words easily, clearly not taking them to heart.

"Why do you always do that?" he asked lightly.

"What do you mean?”

"Talk yourself down. Dismiss how you're feeling,” he elaborated, a little concern in his voice once again. “It makes me worry about you.” 

Your eyes widened in surprise before you looked off to the side. 

“I don’t know, I guess it’s just out of habit.”

Chan tapped your elbow, silently asking you to look at him again. 

"Can I tell you something?” he whispered into the quiet. You nodded curiously.

"I care about you - so much that it scares me sometimes,” he said earnestly, raking a hand through his hair. "You're so thoughtful, so kind, such an amazing listener - you make it so easy for me to be honest about how I'm feeling, and I've never felt more comfortable talking to anyone else,” he continued, looking down a little as he said that last part.

His words made you feel shy all over again, not expecting him to be so open with you. You willed yourself to keep looking at him.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that…I wanna make you feel safe too - safe to share how you’re feeling with me, the good and the bad. Because that’s how you make me feel.” 

“Chan…” you said, lightly smacking his arm in jest as you looked away from him, tears flooding your eyes for a different reason. But he just leaned forward and kissed your temple, pulling you back into his arms gently before continuing.

“Trust me, ok?” Chan asked as you nodded into his chest. “I want you to know that you can always share how you’re feeling with me - even if it’s sad or you don’t think it makes any sense - even if I can’t fix it for you - I’ll always at least be here to listen, I promise. Just don’t hide from me, yeah?”

Tears were falling from your eyes now - not because you were sad, but because Chan’s care for you felt so unconditional, so devoid of judgement - and you’d never known care like that from a partner before. You didn’t have any words to respond in that moment - all you knew was that you wished the two of you could stay on your couch, just like this, forever. 

"I didn't mean to make you cry again," Chan said, a little worried as he saw your expression. "Let me get you some t -”

But you leaned up and kissed him gently, cutting off his words. This wasn't your first kiss, but it was definitely the first that you had initiated. Usually you would just stare at his lips longingly or give the tiniest of hints until he finally caught on to what you wanted, but this time you couldn't hold yourself back. You just felt this boost of confidence, an unrelenting need to express a feeling that words couldn't define. 

Chan was shocked at first, but he quickly fell into it, closing his eyes and immediately wrapping his hands around your waist oh so gently as his lips began to move against yours slowly, lightly, with the utmost care. You each tilted your heads instinctively to opposite sides, still not coming up for any air as you maneuvered yourself back into his lap and brought a hand up to caress the side of his face before combing your fingers through his hair instead, a tiny noise of contentment leaving you in that moment. 

“Y/n…” he groaned softly against your smiling lips. 

"Hmmm?" you responded, still in a feeling of utter bliss. Your other hand was rubbing across his upper chest and shoulder soothingly, and you leaned in and kissed him again before he could even muster enough sense to respond, unable to stop yourself. Chan’s lips began moving against yours again, and he started to lean forward until your back was against a pillow on the couch and he was hovering over you completely. It felt as if he was trying to reach your heart with just the movements his warm, pillowy lips made against yours.

His thumbs started rubbing soothing circles into your waist and you felt like you were floating on a cloud, mind becoming hazy as your head became filled with thoughts of him and only him. He left three final pecks on your lips, finally mustering enough self control to pull back before things got even more heated. His hands slid from your waist all the way up to your cheeks, caressing them softly. 

You were smiling softly but genuinely, in complete bliss as he leaned in and kissed your forehead sweetly before finally saying, “I love you, you know?"

“I love you too,” you whispered quietly, just enough for him to hear. 

He rubbed his thumb near the corner of your lips, eyes crawling all over your face before he said a little regretfully, "I hate for this to end but I don't wanna keep you up any later than it already is."

“Then just stay over for the night. Please?" you begged a little bit and put a pout on your face. He immediately kissed it off of you and you couldn’t help but laugh a little.

"Are you sure?"

Neither of you had ever spent the night at each other's place, so it was completely new territory and you could tell he didn’t want to seem like he was taking advantage of the entire situation. You shifted up a little to kiss his forehead back.

“Chan, I want you to. I promise. Please?”

You meant every word. You wanted nothing more than to hold him all night long.

"Ok," he said quietly, grin growing on his face until you saw that cheeky smile you loved so dearly.

————

That night was one of the most peaceful you’d ever had in recent memory. Buried deep under your sheets, nestled under the stars, you curled yourself into his arms - so close that you could feel his heartbeat against your cheek, slow and steady. And you fell asleep just like that - sweet dreams eventually melting away into the morning sun.

[kaileedraws]

Just had the Marinette profile cross my dash and it's an interesting looking AU! I had a couple of questions (before I get invested 🤣) Is this AU 'canon is more like guidelines' or 'Trying to recreate canon but better' style? I've seen many of the later end up bogged down trying to justify/recreate moments they think they have to hit. I'm thinking it's the 'guidelines' I just want to be sure. Do you have a concrete background/ideas for Chloé's character/intereactions with the others? I've seen hints and bits. If not no worries. I've just found that good/bad, hero/villain, friend/enemy, agree/disagree, whatever role she has, the way Chloé's character is handled in an AU tends to map with my broad enjoyment of even things unrelated to her. Maybe it's writing styles, or approaches to emotional concepts. It's hard to explain exactly. It seems to be a reliable barometer for me personally though.

Hi thank you for the ask!

I think this AU is more like ‘the canon is the guidelines on the basis of characters,’ I think it might feel a little boring to just recreate the show with the same specific events; 1. Because if you like the events of the show, just watch the show and; 2. Because they’re older and wiser, events would transpire a lot differently. I’m starting to realize I’ve changed a lot more than I thought I would and because of that, the storyline is going to be a lot different.

About Chloe, I think there are a few things that I’ve taken from the show that could be developed

1. For an idea about how Chloe is going to be in the beginning, here’s a small excerpt from an idea I had. She’s super manipulative, fake, and popular — like a Regina George.

“Baker girl.” Chloe fakes a smile.

“Chloe.” Marinette doesn’t even try to hide the distaste she has for the girl.”What are you even doing here? I thought you left Paris for good a few years ago.”

“I should ask you the same thing.” She glances at her up and down with a flash of disgust in her eyes. “This place is way too sophisticated for someone so… unprivileged. I mean look at you, you don’t even have enough money to buy designer clothes, you poor thing."

Marinette looks down at herself and fidgets with her skirt self-consciously. A light blush spreads across Marinette’s face in embarrassment as Chloe smiles down at her and places a hand on her shoulder. The blonde girl is still smiling despite the ice in her words and in her piercing blue eyes: "It's so cute that you tried though. As long as you know that you'll never ever come close to someone like me. We’re just in two different leagues, you know?”

Marinette blushes deeper in embarrassment and anger, shrugging Chloe’s hand off of her shoulder. Chloe feigned surprise, even though Marinette knows that she knew exactly what she was saying.

“Awe c’mon Mari, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Despite our obvious differences, I’m willing to be generous and still be your friend.”

Marinette grimaces a little. She hates the nickname ‘Mari.’

“Chloe I don’t know. You used to be really mean to me and a friendship between us would be meaningless if it continued like it used to.” Marinette says skeptically, folding her arms before Chloe holds her own face, dramatically.

“I can’t believe you’re judging me for something I did in the past! You can be mean sometimes yourself, you know.” Chloe pouts, and suddenly, Marinette feels her emotions shift to guilt and embarrassment. Was she being the mean one or was Chloe?

“I’m. . . Sorry?” Marinette tilts her head, speaking her words hesitantly. Chloe shakes her head dramatically and fixes her hair.

“I guess I can find the kindness in my heart to forgive you. But heed this warning, Marinette.” Chloe pulls Marinette into what is supposed to look like a hug, but whispers in her ear: “Disrespect me or try anything funny and I’ll make sure your life here is a living hell, OK?”

For a moment, Chloe’s ditsy exterior melts away to reveal a chilling center, one only Marinette and a few others have seen. Her true colors are a side that the teachers or the select few that Chloe calls her ‘friends’ don’t see. Most people are two brainwashed by her manipulative tendencies - even Marinette sometimes finds herself confused by Chloe’s manipulative conversations. But just like before, she knows that Chloe is a compulsive liar and overall just a mean girl - and she believes that girls like that rarely ever change.

Marinette feels a chill down her spine as her embarrassment blossoms into fear; resentment. She had learned very early on that no one is going to believe that - miss teacher’s pet, beauty queen, dumb blonde - Chloe is anything but just a dumb rich girl with no manners. Knowing that she has no power over Chloe here, except for maintaining her own pride, Marinette plasters a fake smile onto her face as Chloe lets her go. The only way to combat fake people is to kill them with kindness.

2. Adrien and Ladybug are the only two people she actually listens to, so these two characters are probably going to be the reason she changes.

I had it written that — because in the show she’s literally all over Adrien without his consent — to maybe exploit that into an unconsentual situationship. He’s a people pleaser and in an emotional state because of his mom’s death so it could make sense. However, when Adrien opens up to her later and tells her that he doesn’t want to do it anymore, that he never has wanted to, and alludes that she was pretty much was just forcing herself onto him and manipulating him — she has a moment of “oh fuck” because she had no idea that she was hurting him or taking advantage of him. This would hit her hard. As for the ladybug side of things, when she has her miraculous, I’m thinking ladybug doesn’t save the day. Instead, Chloe causes mass carnage and starts freaking out because it’s not what she wants. Only then does Ladybug and Chat Noir fix things.

3. Chloe does everything she does because she’s deprived of attention and tries to copy her mother because she idolizes her. If she starts to realize that she’s hurting the people she loves, and Ladybug shows her a compassion that she’s never known before - I’m thinking that Chloe is capable of change. Especially if she starts to idolize Ladybug. It wouldn’t be super evident at first, but it would start to appear like it did in the episode of Zombisu — starts doing things for others but pretends to not be happy about it. She is still dramatic and quick to accuse others but that just becomes her charm. She insults others, but in a way like “you big dummy, why are you crying alone?” Or “Your pastries are really good— for a baker girl.” Like she catches herself giving a compliment and then covers it up with an insult.

I don’t think she’s going to be 100% flipped - she is still a little sour and a goody-two-shoes - but she’s not the villain either. Sort of neutral? That’s one thing about her that I’m not sold on with other interpretations - I don’t think she’ll completely change into a nice person, she just won’t be a bully anymore, admits her mistakes and actually shows she cares sometimes.

Also, there’s no reason why Ladybug couldn’t try and trust her with another miraculous when she’s ready — which would negate the effects of season 3 when Chloe feels betrayed and relinquishes her friendship to ladybug. I could see it in her character that she would have a villain arc early on, but Ladybug forgives her and tells her that she’s still redeemable, even if Chloe doesn’t. Maybe she stops taking shit from her mother too, especially when she learns that her mom cheated on her father to have Zoe lolll.

So for Chloe, some things that could potentially change her is

1. Realizing she is unintentionally hurting the people she loves with her behavior

2. Accidentally becoming the villain and causing mass carnage when all she wanted was attention and recognition

3. The image of her mother is destroyed and she doesn’t want to be like her anymore - a change in idolization

These are just ideas! I’m still trying to psychologically dissect her. I’m still trying to think of a scenario that would really push her to abandon her narcissistic ways. Maybe I’ll do some psychology research. If anyone else has any ideas about how to change a narcissist I’m all ears! Also sorry about the tangent, I tend to go into too much detail sometimes lol

Babes is just an abandoned little girl that wants her mother’s attention - and she thinks that in order to get it, she has to act like her.

[bytherosebushlaughing]

one single thread of gold (tied me to you)

CHAPTER FIVE—JESSE SWANSON

RATING: M

PAIRING: Multi (w/ Bechloe end game)

SUMMARY:

The story of how Beca and Chloe both find “the One” (AKA each other) (AKA the Love Life AU that no one asked for)

I’m sure that you were expecting this one at some point, reader. After all, we sort of know how this one goes. In short: acapella boy meets acapella girl, they date for three years in college, and they do not go on to have aca-children. 

“I think that Jesse likes me,” she supplies nonchalantly. She’s not really sure what drives her to say something, especially because it’s so not like her to open up to people, but there’s something about Chloe that makes her feel safe enough to tear down those walls just a little bit.

Chloe lets out an incredulous laugh at this confession.

“I could have told you that at the beginning of the year,” Chloe scoffs. “I can’t believe that you’re just now figuring this out, Bec.”

She blushes at the term of endearment and her own denseness.

“I’m just…I don’t know, people don’t usually like me like that,” she says, feeling insecure in the moment. “I’m not like you, Chloe, people don’t usually fall all over themselves for me like they do you.”

Chloe rolls her eyes.

“Yes they do, you just don’t notice,” she reassures Beca. “You’re kind of hot. And I should know because I’ve seen—”

“Oh my god, dude!” Beca interjects, cheeks burning up with embarrassment at the memory of what they refer to as The Shower Incident. “I wish you would just let that go already it’s so embarrassing.”

Chloe just laughs, shaking her head.

“Quit deflecting, let’s talk more about Jesse."

Read more on AO3!

[woah-uhuh-uhuh-uhuh]

All BMC Hidden Song Motifs

These are all the little tunes I’ve noticed sneakily (or not so sneakily) appearing outside of their own songs in the show! 

I did leave out the ones that are obviously the same because they repeat the lyrics (e.g. c-c-c-come on, it’s from Japan, etc), but I can add those too if enough people want.

If you have more, tell me and I'll add them! And if you have thoughts on why any of these appear where they do, pls post about it so I can read more meta sdjlkfsdjflk

More Than Survive:

Smartphone Hour chorus on synth during Jenna, Brooke, Chloe’s conversation [credit: @zabala0z]

Michael in the Bathroom chorus on synth during Jeremy & Michael’s conversation 

The Pants Song: chorus melody on guitar when Michael talks about "survival of the fittest" [credit: @aqueous-aerolite - tysm for IDing it!]

(Broadway) MTS reprise

Jeremy’s Theme at the end

Two Player Game

In scene: Michael in the Bathroom chorus on synth during their first exchange (“He’s scamming you super weirdly.”)

The Squip Enters

The Squip Song melody on synth right before the SQUIP appears: Helps you to be cooooool…. It helps… youuuu… [“Welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor! Your SQUIP.”] ~~Ruuuuuuuule!~~

(Two Rivers) More Than Survive Reprise

Michael in the Bathroom on synth while the Squip scolds Jeremy for thinking about sex. (Still mostly inexplicable, but it’s technically a reuse of the dialogue music from More Than Survive, of which the only synth options were Smartphone Hour and Michael in the Bathroom.)

Michael’s reggae motif from More Than Survive at “Still not gonna be the cool guy”

(Broadway) Sync Up

The Squip Song: intro guitar riff plays when Rich talks to Jeremy

More Than Survive: MTS background chorus sings (‘na na na na na na na na’) with “ah”s in the musical interlude, then with “na”s at the end.

Guy that I’d Kinda Be Into

I Love Play Rehearsal: “I don’t always relate to other people my age” section is the same as “Most people do one thing for all of their lives” - the following lines match lyrics too.

More Than Survive: Christine’s bassline rhythm from the recurring motif of “Christine Christine Christine” (i.e. dotted quarter, eighth, half), originally from MTS, reappears during GTIKBI in the chorus, as well as the “I don’t always relate…” and “I guess a part of me likes to” sections.

Loser Geek Whatever

Two Player Game: the intro (“I already know what it’s like to be the loser”) is sung to the same melody as the main synth loop you can hear at the beginning of 2PG [credit: someone on the Genius page]

Touching My Hand: Not technically a motif, but I want to point out that the pre-chorus of LGW comes from Touching My Hand, a demo song that never made it into the show.

Michael in the Bathroom

(?) Knocking section could kind of evoke the staccato quarters that happen all throughout Halloween (eg, crank! the! bass!, and dunh dunh dunh it's halloween)

The Pants Song

(Broadway) “Michael in the Bathroom” on guitar when Michael says “Look, I already tried to help him, and called me a loser…” (THIS is hands down my favorite one btw. It’s one of the most obvious but that doesn’t stop it from stabbing me in the heart every time…)

The Play

Be More Chill: bass & guitar riff play when the Squip’s revealing its plan to infect humanity.

Jake enters: Jeremy’s Theme, then Upgrade

Chloe & Brooke enter: Do You Wanna Ride

Michael makes an ennnntraaaaance! (Michael in the Bathroom)

Two Player Game: pre-chorus during Michael and Jeremy’s fight (“kung fu fists, activate!”)  - and of course again the verse during their fight for the Dew.

Jenna enters: Smartphone Hour (the opening brass thumps)

Christine enters: I Love Play Rehearsal on flute - then she sings an altered version of GTIKBI

“Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy” is the same tune as “Christine, Christine, Christine.” (This one makes me go nuts actually. Like, that’s his deepest desire??? He just wants someone to love him as powerfully as he loves Christine????? AUUGH!!!!)

Loser Geek Whatever: verse melody plays on brass when he gives the Dew to Christine

Voices in My Head

Loser Geek Whatever: verse melody on piano during Christine and Jeremy’s conversation.

Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into: When Christine gives her answer about going out with him, they sing to the GTIKBI chorus melody, and a flute plays the GTIKBI bridge melody  (“I guess a part of me likes to”). Then when Christine says yes, it plays that bridge melody on piano.

ALSO: Overall character instruments?

Christine: flute & mallet percussion (i.e. glockenspiel, xylophone)

SQUIP: plucked guitar with tremolo, tubular bells. Edit: also the theremin [credit: @highlighter-goblin!]

(?) Rich: strummed guitar with distortion (Squip Song, Sync Up)

(?) Chloe & Brooke: plucked guitar with a Wah-wah pedal (DYWR/H)

(?) Jenna: low brass on staccato quarter notes

Yeah that's all I know of so far, but like I said please add on if you can think of more!!

[nicole-ashwood]

I’m going to say something, and I need to make it clear that I am in no way some kind of genius or snob, or that all of my own interpretations that I make, have made, or will make should be taken as gospel.

But with that said, not a lot of people get the first Life is Strange and why the story is so important and impactful.

Especially a lot of the fans who think the story is only about choices, consequences, the characters and their personalities, or that it doesn’t have a lot to say about our world and what is going on.

Don’t even get me started about the people who think Max and Chloe shouldn’t be together, that sacrificing Chloe OR Arcadia Bay has some form of moral justification, or that there is no happy ending that lets Max and Chloe be together.

And if you think it’s stupid or unrealistic to say that true love doesn’t exist and that if Max saves Chloe they still might break up in the end, then all I can ask is: who hurt you? And why haven’t you been able to heal yet?

And don’t think this critique is levied at just the fans, reviewers, or players in general. There’s plenty of evidence that Don’t Nod themselves never realized what they actually managed to say, or that they did but had to bury it in order to try and tell the story in a way they wanted.

Life is Strange is a very different kind of story/game than what we’re used to. It’s messy, has things in it that are superfluous, go nowhere, or contradict everything that came before. Remember, Don’t Nod was actively taking in player feedback and tweaking the story while it was being released. To say that every part of the game had intention behind it is rather delusional.

But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to understand, or that it’s, to be frank, first draft approach can easily be boiled down to one or two buzzwords.

Now, this game has enough meat in it to legitimately write a dissertation on, and I quite literally don’t have the mental will right now to even attempt such a comprehensive analysis. But there is something I need to point out that I have NEVER seen someone mention before, even though it’s a core part of why the game worked as well as it did.

Who has power in Life is Strange? Who actively makes the real decisions? Who, in the end, can actually make a choice that will affect the WORLD around them?

ANY understanding of the game and series needs to address this question. Because if you can answer this question, you have the ability to capture the lightning in a bottle all over again.

[chloepleasestopdying]

There’s like a hundred fics I won’t write. Here are some of them:

Criminal Minds crossover, either version; version A, where the FBI gets called in when Max and Victoria get kidnapped and the FBI team have to find them. Max believes that Chloe is dead because she was shot before she was kidnapped but the FBI find her in the graveyard on the edge of death and Max gets shot herself in a standoff with Jefferson.

Version B, where the FBI get called in after a what they believe is a murder spree. Max and Chloe kill a pair of cops and conveniently the dash cam is missing. The FBI slowly uncovers the fact that the Arcadia Bay police are trying to cover up the Prescott’s mess and the girls were just defending themselves.

Both of these are a bit too dark for my tastes, so they won’t be written.

The Wilds crossover; basically Max and Chloe are part of the original experiment due to their past friendship and falling out. I like the idea of Chloe struggling with being the oldest girl there and also trying to stay mad at Max. I’m still crushed about The Wilds being canceled so I won’t be writing this.

The ‘Max and Rachel death match’ AU. Essentially this AU involves Chloe and Max meeting up the summer before Max comes to Blackwell and making up enough that they begin dating. Chloe and Rachel have been an on and off thing for years and had a huge blowout fight, which is the reason Chloe was in Seattle in the first place, but Max (not knowing the full context of what happened) says that Rachel is Chloe’s friend and tells her it’s fine that they make up. Rachel, having a host of issues going on, reacts really badly to possibly loosing Chloe and tries to cheat with Chloe. This ends up blowing up in her face. Max and Rachel then kinda have this low key kind of war for a while before Rachel owns up to her mistakes and apologizes. Not going to write this one because I feel bad about making Rachel a bad guy and I don’t think I could write her struggling in that way well enough to justify it.

‘Baby trap’ AU. Max is coming off a really toxic relationship with Warren when she meets up with Chloe again in their early twenties. They both acknowledge that there is something between them but due to their issues (Max’s toxic relationship and Chloe’s resent struggles with addiction) want to move slow. However this is quickly fucked up by the fact that Max discovered she’s pregnant due to a purposely pieced condom by Warren. This AU is much fluffier than it sounds, as Chloe quickly steps up as being a ‘dad’. I won’t be writing this AU for a similar reason as above, I’d feel bad about making Warren out to be a bad guy. Plus a don’t actually like babies.

The ‘Ryan is Ryan’ AU where Ryan Lucan is also Ryan Caulfield due to time travel shenanigans. I was never able to make this one work very well but the basic idea is that Ryan Lucan has time related powers too but more uncontrollable than Max’s and got stuck in the past when trying to save Gabe. He was unable to travel back to his own time and started a family in the past with Max’s mother. He has come to believe that messing with time is extremely dangerous but when he learns that Max and Chloe are in Haven Springs around the same time that Gabe dies he decides to act. I never got this idea to work despite my liking of it so I won’t be writing it anytime soon.

DAO AU, not to be confused with the DAI AU. Max is mage who gets taken to the tower later in life compared to most while Chloe is something of a modified Ash Warrior. William bred and trained mabari and Chloe has somewhat continued that tradition with something of a tempest flare. Her special interest is in different Kaddis’s and her desire is to expand the war paint, not just to humans but also the effects. Her quest for finding a recipe for a warpaint that prevents the Blight almost kills her— luckily she’s found by the last Gray Wardens in the kingdom who just so happen to include her old friend Max, who got taken along with Surana when Duncan was visiting the tower. Not going to write this one due to it being similar to the DAI AU.

[celestiall0tus]

Lady and the Scoundrel - Chapter 14 - Path to Redemption

Beginning || Previous

            Chloe headed out of class with Barkk beside her. They walked outside while Barkk prattled on. Chloe ignored Barkk while she zoned in and out. A few weeks had passed since the holiday break ended. Everything had gone back to normal, or a relative normal. The Scoundrel, Felix, hadn’t been causing trouble like he was. She was back in school, living on campus. The other students still swarmed Barkk in attempts to be her friend. She had noticed a few realized her existence, but she didn’t feel like entertaining them.

            Chloe looked away as she fell in step behind Barkk. Before the holiday, she wanted nothing but to be noticed. She wanted to prove she was better, but was she really? Had she changed at all? Things felt different, but was it enough? Was she worthy of being a hero when she failed to stop the Scoundrel? Was she worthy of friends after all the heartache she’s caused? Was she worthy of a family when her blood family never loved her?

            Chloe gasped when Barkk took her hand and led her through the campus grounds back to their dorm. Chloe tried to get a protest out, but Barkk ignored her until they were away from prying eyes.

            “Chloe, we need to talk,” Barkk said.

            “About what? There’s nothing to talk about.”

            “Chloe, I know better. I am empathic just like Velze. I can feel your heart troubled. Are you still focused on what happened with Felix?”

            “Well, of course! I just… I thought I could be a hero. I thought I was finally doing right, but then all that. I just… I don’t know. I just… I said a lot of things. Things I never wanted to tell him. Things I never wanted to hear. Things I don’t think I was ready to fully face.”

            “Is that why you’ve given up on making friends?”

            “No. Yes? Maybe.”

            “Talk to me, Chloe. I’m here.”

            “You were there. You heard everything.”

            “Maybe so, but I can’t read your thoughts or discern the source of your emotions. I’ll only know if you tell me.”

            Chloe sighed. “I know I’ve admitted to all that I’ve failed at. I know I’ve seen the errors, but it all hit when I looked at myself in the mirror. When I saw the girl for what she was. The little monster that ruined everything. The abomination that was so full of herself, blinded by false power that she destroyed everything precious to her. I even tried to use Felix, Scoundrel, whatever for my own gains as I had with so many others. Everything always started and ended with me.”

            “You are right. You made mistakes, as your kind usually does. You’re not perfect. None of you are, but that doesn’t change the fact you are just as worthy of a second chance as anyone else. And unlike most, you took the chance. You made the effort to change. Even if no one else accepts it, sees you only for your past, nothing will change the truth.”

            “It doesn’t feel like that. Not when I’m reminded of my past constantly.”

            “True, but how does it make you feel to remember all that?”

            “Sad… and angry. Really angry.”

            “Go on.”

            “I was a fool. I used and manipulated people I thought were below me to feel better about myself. It made me feel powerful and good in a twisted sense. I reveled in it until my rule was challenged and undermined. Even when I hit rock bottom before and was given a chance to prove myself, I messed that up too. I doubled down when I should have stopped and realized the truth, but I didn’t.”

            Barkk remained silent and listened.

            “Even now, in London, I’m repeating old habits. I may not be manipulating people, but I’m using them. I’m taking advantage of their despair and helplessness to make myself feel and look better. Even with those people calling me a hero, it was never enough. I had to go for more, but I… I messed up with that. Felix was enamored at the sight of me. He wanted me like I feared. And then me hitting him with that arrow, him looking at me, and being nice to me, it just… it was wrong. I just feel… I just feel like I’m doing the same thing I did in Paris. Like all this has been a waste of time and I haven’t changed at all. That I’m still the mean old Chloe I was in Paris.”

            Barkk opened her mouth when a knock came at the door. She got up and opened it. Her pigtails lifted in surprise to see Felix with a tall boy with tan skin and short black hair. She pulled her lips back in a snarl and growled.

            “What are you doing here, Plagg? I told you this is my territory.”

            Plagg waved his hand dismissing as he pushed past Barkk. “Relax. I won’t be long. Besides, I don’t want to linger somewhere that reeks of love.”

            “Enough, Plagg. Chloe, I came to speak with you,” Felix said.

            “Well, I’ve got nothing to say to you,” Chloe retorted.

            “Then just listen. Look, for what little it’s worth, I’m sorry for upsetting you. I realized I might have pushed too far and brought back unpleasant memories and trauma. I just… I was angry. I hoped for a hot warrior girlfriend, but she turned out to be you.”

            Chloe glared at Felix.

            “Right, sorry. I’m sorry I brought all that up when I lashed out. I hadn’t realized what you were going through, and might have dismissed it whenever Memoria brought it up. Regardless, if you would like, we can keep up the routine we had been. You know, when I would cause random trouble and you chase me off.”

            “I don’t want that. I don’t even know what I want anymore.”

            “I thought you wanted to change?”

            “I did, do, but have I really changed? Especially when it seems like I’m repeating the same habits.”

            “Hard to say if you are repeating, but I can say you’ve changed. You’re nothing like the snot-nosed, stuck up, annoying, bossy little bitch I had to suffer because Adrien liked you for some reason.”

            Chloe rolled her eyes. “You’re just saying that to be nice.”

            Felix laughed. “When have I ever done that? Especially for you.”

            “Fine, so what if I’ve changed. What’s the point if people won’t accept it like you? I mean, would you even be here and be your version of nice if I hadn’t shot you with that arrow and you looked at me?”

            Felix shrugged. “Hard to say. I admit I was confused by the effects of that arrow, and maybe I wouldn’t be, but I’m glad I was hit and saw you. If not for it, I wouldn’t see someone who understands.”

            Chloe furrowed her brows. “What do you mean?”

            “To make a long story short, I saw myself in you after getting hit. I realized where your pain comes from and the cause of it. Our circumstances are very different, but that doesn’t make the pain we feel any less real. We both lashed out. We both hurt people. We still may, but because we’re still damaged. And we may never fully heal, but we can learn to live with what happened and become more than our pasts.”

            “We?” Chloe echoed.

            “I know I didn’t stutter. I never thought change possible for myself until I saw it in you. It helped me to see what more I could be through you.”

            “Does this mean you’ll stop assisting in heists?”

            “Hey, I just said I understand. I didn’t say I was going to give all that up.”

            “Then why talk like you’re going to change?”

            “Because change doesn’t just mean being a goody-two shoes. I’ll leave that for those with a real moral compass. After all, change and redemption means something different for everyone. So, how would you like to talk this path together and see where we end up?”

            “If you keep causing trouble, I will step in to stop you,” Chloe warned.

            Felix grinned and held out a hand. “I would hope for nothing less. How about it then? Shall we see where this road takes us, together?”

            Chloe hesitated. She looked at Barkk, who gave an enthusiastic nod. She sighed and took Felix’s hand.

            “Alright. I’d rather better company, but it’ll be good to walk this path with someone like me,” Chloe said.

            “Likewise. Until we get that, here’s to putting the past behind us.”

            “And for a brighter future.”

Patreon || Discord || Ko-Fi

[agirlnherfandoms]

AHHHHH I WATCHED MIRACULOUS AWAKENING TODAY AND BELOW ARE SOME OF MY THOUGHTS (SPOILERS OF COURSE!)

LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS AS WELL 🐞🐈‍⬛

I was so taken off guard by the fact that it was a musical?!? Bruh 😂 At first, I thought it would just be that one song then they kept going. We’re not going to talk about the change of voice actors lol. I liked some of the songs but some were a bit cringe haha. Especially the one in the tune of the theme song with Marinette and Tikki but maybe I need to listen to them all more.

But my FAVOURITE was the song Chat sings after he falls in love with Ladybug ahhhh it absolutely confirms that Adrien is a Disney princess 👸

I liked how nervous they made Marinette and how obvious it was that she had no friends and was being bullied and ostracised by the rest of the school. In the series, back in Origins (I know they also cover it well in a Season 5 episode but ngl that was a while into the series), I did get the feel that Marinette was being bullied but more so solely by Chloe. I could tell that she didn’t have any friends until Alya came along but it didn’t seem like people didn’t like her per se. In the movie, they make it really obvious that the rest of the school avoids her like the plague because they think she’s weird. I mean, even Adrien thought she was weird when he first met her lol. Edit: Just to clarify this isn’t because I don’t want Marinette to not have self-confidence but I do think that it expressed how many people do feel at school: lonely, like they don’t fit in, and also many do struggle with bullying. And then she gets magical powers and gains more confidence (albeit a bit rushed but still).

I absolutely love how they portrayed Ladybug and Chat Noir’s relationship. The teasing (“watermelon”) was really fun to watch. And the fact that Chat called her the sidekick was just so funny. But the main thing was how Ladybug said they were partners and then they truly showed that they were!! Chat deserves love!! Although, at the end when Ladybug fixes everything, the crowd is only cheering Ladybug. I get that Chat had just found out his father was Hawkmoth so he was probably taking him to prison or something but he should have gotten some cheers as well.

Also, I don’t think this is the same in the show but the movie kind of hinted that the Ladybug and Chat Noir Miraculous often ‘fight’ a bit. I always love a bit of enemies to lovers so that was a little interesting thing I noticed they added to the lore.

Careless Whispers. That’s it.

They sort of did Plagg dirty here. Especially with the fart jokes and trash cheese lol (I know children apparently like fart jokes bit still). I mean, he was still funny but I didn’t feel the same emotional connection between him and Adrien as I do in the show. I guess they didn’t have enough time to develop them but we could have at least had one serious moment with Plagg or one moment where he actually gives Adrien some heartfelt advice. I think he did give him some love advice but it wasn’t that good haha.

Love seeing Adrien standing up to his father. Legend.

Gabriel progressively getting weaker and haggard while using the Miraculous is what we needed to physically see in the show. Also just generally movie Gabriel has my heart. I was so scared when he recognised Chat as Adrien that he would just carry on trying to get his Miraculous etc but the fact that he broke down and detransforms, makes me empathise with him. This is what show Gabriel should have been 😭

THE REVEAL?!? I was not expecting this. I didn’t think they would go that far. But they did!! And it was so sweet. The way she puts his mask on her and her voice becomes confident as she says she’s Ladybug. Ahhhh!!! And the cut before the kiss!!!

Finally, it seems as though they might make a second one as the final scene with Nathalie seems to suggest Nathalie will become the next big bad?? Ngl though, if Nathalie becomes the next villain (with Gabriel’s encouragement) that kind of ruins his character arc lol. But it might be that he wants Nathalie to get rid of that corpse (hide the evidence, girl, hide the evidence). Idk we’ll see 🙈

Overall, this movie had me squealing, awwing and glued to my screen!!

[sallysgrancanwrite]

Chapter Ninety-One

Guns, domestic violence, child abuse.

Masterlist.

Michael tried grabbing the dog but she ran off. He went over and snatched Emma by her ponytail. She yelled.

This infuriated Chloe. She had enough. She rolled over and grabbed her gun.

“Put her down. Now!” Chloe demanded.

Michael looked at her and laughed. He put Emma down and turned his attention to Chloe.

“Do you even know how to use that?” He laughed. “You’ll never shoot me.” Michael started walking towards her.

“Michael, stop right now. Don’t make me do this.” Chloe said, crying.

Michael went to grab her. She fired. She was shocked she had done it. But felt she had no choice.

He stood up. “You shot me!” He yelled.

Emma was standing and crying. She ran to her mother.

“Stay down, Michael.” Chloe said.

“Emma, do you see that farm with the lights in the distance? I need you to run there and get help real fast.” Chloe asked her daughter.

“Yes, momma. I’ll run fast.” Emma said as she took off. She was small but she ran as fast as she could. The house seemed so far away. As she was running she heard another shot. She hoped it wasn’t her mom that was hurt.

Part way there she found Mimi in a field. She picked her up and ran. She got to the house and banged on the door.

Chloe was standing over Michael.

“Michael, I loved you. Why wasn’t that enough for you?” She asked as he lay there.

“Are you just going to stand there and watch me die?” He asked her.

“Emma will bring help soon. Chloe said with no emotion. She felt nothing. She just wanted this to end and worried how Emma would handle all this.

Emma was standing on the porch with Mimi when an older woman opened the door.

“Where are your parents?” The kind lady asked.

“My daddy is hurting my Momma. We need help. Can you call my Grammy please.” Emma said.

The lady was surprised and asked Emma to come in.

“Do you know your Grammys phone number so I can call her?” The lady asked as her husband came in from the barn.

“The little girl says her daddy is hurting her mother and wants me to call her Gramm”

“Where are they?” He asked.

“Do you know where in the woods they are?” He leaned down and asked Emma.

“They are straight that way by all the big trees.” Emma answered.

Emma gave the lady the phone number.

“Who is speaking?” The lady asked the person who answered.

“Beth.” was the reply. “Who is this?”

“I have a little girl and dog here and she says her Grammy is there. Is she?” She asked.

“Just a moment.” Beth said excitedly. “Edith! They have Emma. A couple has Emma and wants to talk to you.”

“Hello?” Edith said.

“Hi, my name is Betty and a little girl knocked on our door asking for you and for help,” Betty said. Tell me her name so I’ll know you really know her.”

“Her name is Emma and her dog is Mimi.” Edith said. Grateful that the lady was being cautious. “Where is her mother?” Edith asked.

“She says in the woods with her father. We don’t know where exactly but Emma might be able to take us.” Betty answered.

Emma got on the phone. “Grammy! Daddy is hurting momma and she shot him. Come fast.”

“Can you show them where you left her?” Edith asked her granddaughter.

“I think so but I’m afraid to go back. Daddy wants to hurt me and Mimi.” The little girl said.

“It’s okay I’ll just send Sheriff Tom to you. Okay?” Edith told her.

Betty took the phone. “Edith, we will take care of her and wait for the sheriff. Don't worry, she’s safe.”

[many-fictives]

introject (mostly fictive centered, but open to all) ask game bc it sounded fun to make one! by: @the-stardust-system

Answered by: Many Fictives

❝ 01: what about you is most similar to your source? ❞

Near ┆Appearance , and the storyline . Though in my& exomemories I& was a system before Kira came into existence .

Nathan ┆ uhh yeah also appearance n personality

Benry ┆Appearance, personality and storyline for the most part.

Eddie ┆Appearance, personality and storyline.

Peter ┆Appearance and personality, but only as “Peter” and not “Henry” or “001”.

❝ 02: what about you is most different from your source? ❞

Near┆My& plurality and what happens after the anime canon . My& source deviates severely from the manga canon after Light ‘ s death .

Nathan┆im from a version of canon where i got arrested for shooting chloe in the bathroom n get sent to a mental hospital bc of my dad n max n chloe play detective w vic to expose jeffershit. I end up testifying in court n once i get out of the hospital me vic max chloe warren n eventually samantha all end up in a giant ass polycule

Benry ┆uhhhhhhhhhhh it’s been so long since we’ve watched HLVRAI, but for me my canon loops over and over again. I go into my source as a job on headspace and when Benry is not onscreen it’s because I went back into the Addam’s family house (our main headspace). I wanna write it as a fic because I think it’ll be silly :)

Eddie ┆only identifies with source, not formed enough to deviate

Peter ┆almost all of it! I’m just the mask that Henry/001 wears as Peter. I don’t identify with or as Henry Creel, 001 or Vecna. The only part I relate to source!Peter with is appearance and watching over children. I’m kind and gentle and patient. I don’t have powers, I was never experimented on.

❝ 03: what's your favorite hobby/activity? ❞

Near ┆I& haven ‘ t done it in a while , but we* have ball - jointed dolls I& was in the process of painting . Mostly I& just organize things now , like various Google Documents , carrds , and pinned posts .

Nathan ┆in headspace i chill w hollow n rott n we listen to music together

Benry ┆I like spending time with my girlfriend :3 We have fun being silly together.

Peter ┆ I really enjoy spending time with the children, watching them play, or draw/color, reading them stories, and using the phone to watch baby animal videos on YouTube with them!

❝ 04: what hobby/activity reminds you of your source? ❞

Near ┆Working on the ball-jointed dolls, playing with die and cards. I& also watch domino videos on YouTube sometimes.

Nathan ┆uhhh idk playing LIS ?? when i was the avatar id take pics of dead things like in canon

Benry ┆I don’t do much that reminds me of source, other then save some memes that remind me of something.

Peter ┆My in-system job.

❝ 05: what's your favorite song? ❞

Near ┆Owl City — Fireflies

Nathan ┆Twenty One Pilots - Car Radio

Benry ┆ODESZA - How Did I Get Here

Peter ┆Orphan Zero - Clockwork Heart

❝ 06: what music reminds you of your source?? ❞

Near ┆mostly Melanie Martinez and Jazmin Bean.

Nathan ┆indie rock

Benry ┆trance and deep house

Peter ┆synthwave and dark retrowave

[ part ii ]

[manicsweetheart707]

This has been a pretty harsh month for me, that doesn’t mean I haven’t tried to make it a good one, if I could describe this month I would say that I’ve been pushing myself through it, I’m doing my best to not let the negative thoughts get to me.

Trying out new things is not always the easiest thing to do, but it's part of growing up; I wanna keep growing as a person and I think being aware of shit that happens to me, of my thoughts, even if they're not always positive will help me in that process, because I want to fall in love with life, and loving something implies loving the pretty and the ugly.

I really don't wanna do this alone, the growing uo thing, and maybe you reading this don't want to either, so maybe if I start posting these monthly recaps we can help one another to feel company in some sort of way, with time this will evolve to fit each other's needs ig.

Tennis

This month I started to workout like fully, last month I began taking tennis classes but skipped a lot of days due to me being depressed, that made me feel pretty stupid because I payed for those classes, the economic situation is not good enough for me to be wasting money in classes I’m not taking y’know?

I switched my classes from tuesday and thursday to wednesday and friday, and I feel it has helped me in keeping consistency a lot better, my mom’s also been the one taking me to class because I’m fucking stupid and it made me panic not finding anywhere to park my car so I ended up directly not going to class, I know that sounds so stupid but I tend to take those kind of situations as an omen that something is going to go not according to plan and that I’m gonna fuck something up, so yeah-

Chloe Ting

Besides tennis classes this month I also started Chloe’s 2024 summer shred challenge; I figured it would’ve helpful for losing weight and helping me build endurance for tennis, it’s not the first time I try to workout from home with youtube or something, but it is the first time I actually feel comfortable doing it in a sense that I haven’t given up and I don’t plan on doing it, even if I’ve been too depressed to do shit I haven’t skipped any days, I think the fact that the app has like a nice percentage indicator motivates me to keep going.

Maybe doing both tennis and Chloe’s routines in my current physical state is not ideal since I’ve been feeling a bit nauseous this past days, but I am doing it either way because I’m not giving up, I am a strong bitch and can do whatever I set my mind to.

I am not in a good mental state right now, the crippling feeling of how everything I do is wrong and everything I touch gets all fucked up is coming back strongly, even tho I’m doing shit that’s supposed to help me emotionally, they say that working out releases endorphins right? I drink a lot of water and been trying to keep myself distracted with other activities to stop myself from overthinking, but nothing really seems to work, the loneliness is a constant reminder of how fucked I am and how little value I have in other peoples lives. And I know that if I keep telling myself just how fucking awful I am I’m just gonna end up pushing people even further with my negativity. Loneliness is like a crater, sometimes no matter how much you scream no one is there to hear you, and the times there’s someone your throat is just too sore to let them know you’re there, and sometimes when you find a ladder you feel oh so scared of what’s outside to climb up, it’s really fucking difficult man.

My vacations are sadly over, although I only have 2 classes this whole semester I still feel a bit anxious about going back to uni, it’s a mix between the people and the work, I’m usually pretty work focused while I’m at uni so I don’t give myself enough chances to be friendly with people (adding to that the social anxiety), this semester I need to work on my degree proyect/thesis/whatevs and that makes me oh so nervous I really want to give it my best and don’t fuck it up.

There’s people I don’t like in my trademarks class, I don’t think they’re bad people, but their voices annoy me, which ig makes me a bad person, but I can’t help it they’re too loud and speak too fast and talk with so much confidence over topics they don’t know shit and that annoys me. I’m being a bitch, I’m sorry.

I find it particularly scary having to build a portfolio, and begginning the whole working thing, although I hate my current state of living I do like having my own time and bedrotting whenever I feel like it, growing up is so fucking scary isn’t it.

It’s a terrible idea to replace a bad habit with another bad habit, and this month is the month I’m trying to get skinnier, so I’ve been working out, starting a diet, taking laxatives, and most importantly cutting sugars; that has been really hard for me and I think it didn’t help that much to the darkness I was feeling the first half of the month. I am aware is a terrible idea, for a while whenever I got sugar cravings I used to light up a vanilla incense stick and hope for the best but it really didn’t helped, and since I discovered that mints do have calories and shit I don’t really want to eat them no matter how much I love them. So I thought a solution to my problems could be vaping, I can’t get fatter from it can I? I bought a blueberry one, I do enjoy it I think, I like that is minty and I’ve always been a huge fan of candles, incense, that type of stuff, I feel like I’m in some sort of way eating a candle. It does make me feel a bit guilty because I am pretty aware of how awful nicotine is, and that vapes are far worse than a cig, and also that my mom has asthma yet here I am probably fucking up my lungs, but I think right now, currently, it makes me feel even guiltier to actually eat sugar.

✦ Keep losing weight and being consistent with my workouts

✦ Progress as much as possible on my degree project

✦ Reorganize my notion

✦ Set up a dating app profile maybe?

c u next month!!

xoxo, mani