#i don't hate it because it's people having fun and that's certainly better than getting mad and ruining it for everybody

[linawritestwst]

(a very late valentine's day special) how twst characters would fall in love with you!

okay, so when i created this blog last year, i didn't have much time to write something for valentine's day, but i thought that i should try and write something for it this year!

at first i wanted to write something like "how twst characters would confess their love for you", i wanted it to be a reference to the "how twst characters would react to your love confession" series i made back when i just created this blog and i still only have the heartslabyul, savanaclaw and octavinelle hcs. i am sorry. but to be honest, i didn't have a lot of ideas and it was hard to find inspiration, so i decided to go with something different. but who knows, maybe i'll actually write it one day! also i know that this idea is very basic and i'm sorry.

this post has all nrc students (except ortho) + rsa and nbc characters, so GET READY BECAUSE THIS IS GONNA BE A VERY LONG POST.

also i'm having some really bad internet problems rn and even though i can use mobile data, EDITING ON MY PHONE IS A PAIN. I CAN'T DO ANYTHING. and idk when wifi will start working again and i'll be able to use my computer again, so sorry if this post looks weird, has typos and stuff like that, I JUST WANT TO POST IT ALREADY. I'M SICK OF SEEING IT IN MY DRAFTS.

heartslabyul.

riddle rosehearts.

♡ he doesn't understand you at all. you should be afraid of him, you should actually hate him for what he did and how he acted earlier. he was the first to overblot in front of you, he's sure it was quite a traumatic memory from you. and it's not like he treated you better than he treated other nrc students, he was just as willing to punish you for any "misbehavior". so why.. why do you still want you and riddle to become closer? you simply don't think that riddle actually had bad intentions, he just genuinely thought that everything will be okay if he just follows the rules and makes others follow them. so.. you don't think he's a bad person or anything like that. just someone who has a lot of issues and doesn't know how to deal with them properly. and after you say that.. riddle starts feeling very strange.

♡ falling in love with you feels so sudden, riddle doesn't remember being this interested in you when he first met you. he has to admit that he even kind of.. looked down on you back then and didn't think you were that special. though the case of you being the only magicless student here really was special. he also was angry at you because of you being so close with ace and deuce.. but now, he feels different. as he learns more about you and starts getting used to your company, he realizes that he actually likes you a lot. he even admires you, because it must be hard to deal with so much stuff as someone who's magicless he's sorry for being the first to overblot btw. he's always here if you need any help.

♡ why did he fall in love with you? well, you're certainly a very smart, strong and kind person, but the main reason was.. he was just happy to be understood by someone. he didn't expect you out of all people to forgive him, but it sure was a nice surprise. you're always here to calm him down when he's close to using his unique magic or yelling at someone for breaking the rules again, however, you don't blame him for acting like that and you say that his feelings are valid, he just has to find a better way to express them and process them. so.. it probably just feels nice to be seen as someone other than a rose-red tyrant.

ace trappola.

♡ as someone who said some pretty bad things about you and grim when you first met.. wow, it feels embarrassing to admit that he has a crush on you now. imagine making fun of a magicless human and then falling in love with them. yeah, that's ace. so, how did it happen? he's not sure when exactly he got feelings for you, it just.. happened. you two became so close, he actually couldn't imagine spending a day without you. everything just feels so boring when you're not around. pranking you or showing off to you or just talking to you makes his day, even if it's just you going "ACE D:<", he loves seeing your reactions.. and maybe, he loves you.

♡ it's hard to notice him acting any different when he's in love with you, but if you pay closer attention, you can see him blushing after you praise him for something or you can notice him asking you to hang out with him more often. he also sometimes freezes for a moment when you call him your friend, it's almost like he's asking you ".. but are you sure you don't wanna be more than friends?". but right after that, he goes back to his usual behavior and he's surprisingly good at hiding his crush on you.

♡ falling in love with you feels fun and kinda sad at the same time, because even though ace tries so hard to act confident and he claims that you love him just as much, he's actually not sure if you love him back or not. he doesn't mind being seen only as a friend, being friends with you is cool, but also.. yeah, he wants more. and he's not sure if he's ready for a serious relationship, considering what he did in the past to that girl he used to date. he knows that he would never do that to you, because you're so much cooler than that girl and you're much more interesting, but he also doesn't want to let you down. but if you do love him back.. he will try his best to treat you right, though it doesn't mean that you will be safe from his teasing and his pranks.

deuce spade.

♡ out of all the heartslabyul boys, i imagine deuce being the one to get a crush on you earlier than all the others. you're just so nice and sweet and understanding.. you also didn't judge him after you heard about his past and even said that you're proud of him for trying to change and become a better person. after that, deuce couldn't get your words out of his head and became extremely loyal to you, he's always here if you need any help and he feels so happy when you praise him or want to spend time with him.

♡ it's very easy to notice him having a crush on you, honestly. he tries really hard to hide it, but he fails and ace laughs at him every time. he can't say anything properly when you compliment him or smile at him and he starts stuttering, giggling like an idiot or he simply runs away and ends up tripping and falling. it makes him even more cute though and you can give him more attention to get more reactions like that from him or you can pretend not to notice on purpose.

♡ falling in love with you feels like something completely new and that's understandable, deuce has never experienced a feeling like this before. and even though at first it was just a very huge crush, now it actually feels like something more deep, it's like.. he really is in love with you. spending the rest of his life with you sounds scary and he's not sure if he's ready for something like this, but when he imagines it, it makes him feel soft and even kind of excited. he will understand if you reject his feelings, he has not the best past, but if you say yes to him, he will try to become the perfect boyfriend for you. he already knew that he wants to become a better person for his mom, but now he has two people in his life that he wants to change for.

cater diamond.

♡ when cater first met you, he thought you were cute but.. that was it. he didn't think much of you, honestly. don't get him wrong, he thought you were very cute and he would love to be friends with you! but.. he really didn't think that he's gonna fall in love with you later. he just enjoyed hanging out with you, talking to you, he loved the way you smile, he loved the way you laugh and.. wait, that's just him thinking you're cute, right? but not, like, in that way, right? because cater doesn't think he's quite ready to admit that he has feelings for you.

♡ cater is not sure how exactly it happened and why he got a crush on you. it's like.. he just feels more safe around you. it's like he can actually show you his real self and you won't judge him. of course, he's still not sure that you would actually be okay with him acting like his real self and he doubts that you would even like that side of his.. but for some reason he still feels like he can trust you. so he may or may not drop a few hints that make you go "cater. dude. are you okay." no, y/n, he's not okay, this poor man needs a hug.

♡ falling in love with you feels exciting and terrifying at the same time. cater feels truly happy when he's with you, he manages to forget about his problems at least for some time and his smile looks a lot more sincere than usual. but he's also.. scared. he doesn't think that you will love him back once you find out about his real personality, maybe you will accept it, sure, but would you really want a boyfriend like that? honestly, he should be grateful for you wanting to spend time with him even when he's being his "fake" self. he shouldn't ask so much from you, he should thank you for even just being friends with him. so whenever cater hears you laugh at his jokes, he feels genuine happiness but only for a second before he remembers that you will most likely never love him as much as he loves you. or will you?..

trey clover.

♡ just like cater, trey thought you were a nice person, but he didn't think you were.. you know.. his future love or something like that. he thought you were cute and he was always there to suggest his help if you needed it, but he really just thought that you two are gonna be friends and that's all. okay, maybe you two will be close friends. like, very close friends. but that's it. trey gave you so much attention and he had a habit to get a little bit too worried about you for no reason at all, but he thought that you're just.. well.. another younger sibling figure to him (your actual age doesn't matter). why else would he care so much about you?

♡ but oh no. it looks like you're actually something more to him. you're not just another younger sibling figure going "trey, i need your help!! ><". he would seriously think that he just likes you platonically and if it wasn't for cater, he would never realize that he actually likes you romantically. so what if he blushes a bit when you compliment his baking. so what if he thinks about you so often that it distracts him from his vice dorm leader duties. so what if he imagined spending the rest of his life with you- okay. okay, he understands what cater means now. maybe he really is in love with you.

♡ falling in love with you feels confusing for sure, but it also feels soft and sweet. trey may be a local mom friend who's always here to help his underclassmen out, but he has no idea what to do with his own feelings. should he just confess to you already or should he wait a bit? wait, do you even love him back? he has so many questions but almost no answers. but if you do love him back, trey will most likely notice it eventually. he's a smart boy, he had no idea that he actually has romantic feelings for you, but if you have a crush on him, he will definitely find out about it and when he does, he might start teasing you even more often.

savanaclaw.

leona kingscholar.

♡ oh boy. this guy definitely didn't expect to fall in love with you. no, he didn't expect to even become friends with you. you were just a weak little herbivore to him, nothing special, nothing out of ordinary. you were very a bit annoying sometimes too. but when you started saying things like "i want to get to know you better" or "i want to talk to you more".. that's when leona got very confused, though he didn't show it. why would you say things like that? what do you even want from him? is it because he's a prince? oh well, sorry to disappoint you, but he's actually a younger- "i just want to know why you're so lazy all the time.".. okay, this wasn't the answer he expected. he will tell you to go away, but don't pay attention to that, he's actually more interested in you now.

♡ leona just can't understand why you're like this. why do you spend so much time with him? why can't you just let him nap in peace? he actually jokes about you having a crush on him once and he expects you to go "h-how can you say things like that so casually!..". but you manage to surprise him again. "well what if i do? what are you gonna do then, huh?" okay, maybe he did underestimate you a little. just a little bit. you're slowly becoming more and more interesting and he hates to admit that he wants to know more about you. why? well.. he wants to know why you're so annoying all the time.

♡ falling in love with you feels weird, but also surprisingly entertaining. leona never knows what you're gonna do next and for some reason he even finds it exciting. he somehow manages to act like a tsundere and flirt with you at the same time. yes, he will go "ugh, why do you have to ruin my day like this" whenever you step on his tail while he's asleep, but he also will say things that make other savanaclaw students think that he's about to confess his feelings for you OR you two are actually already dating. does he know that he's in love with you though?.. he will need some time, but he will eventually realize it. and he's not gonna be happy about it.

ruggie bucchi.

♡ ruggie didn't really pay much attention to you at first, but he has to say that you're really fun to mess with. he never gets bored of seeing your reactions and sometimes he would steal stuff from you just to make you look at him. he knows that it probably sounds weird, but don't worry, he definitely doesn't have a crush on you, haha.. hey, why are you being so kind to him? why do you cook/buy food for him? why do you keep asking him if he needs any help? ah, maybe you just want a favor from him? you want him to help you with something, don't you? why would you have any other reason- "i'm just worried about you, that's all." oh no. oh no he's about to catch feelings.

♡ your kindness scares ruggie a bit, but he also keeps wanting more. he doesn't understand your motives, he doesn't understand why you're so worried about him. you just say things like "oh, i thought you were tired from doing leona's job all day" or "i thought you looked tired, so i just want to help you out, if that's okay". they may sound like nothing special, but ruggie feels weird whenever he hears you say stuff like that. he just jokes about you being too pure for someone like him, but he's actually kind of serious about it. are you sure you want to be friends with him? or.. maybe you're actually in love with him? don't worry, he's just joking around~

♡ falling in love with you feels fun at first, but it slowly starts becoming more and more scary when ruggie realizes just how deep and strong his feelings are. it's not just a small crush, he really is in love with you. he can't stop thinking about you and not a day passes without him wanting to see you. it feels strange to be treated so well without any reason at all, but ruggie just can't say no to your kindness. even though he keeps trying to make it look like it's nothing serious and you're just friends, he's actually this close to crying because he feels like he will never have a chance to be with you and you will never love him as much as he loves you. why would you even have feelings for him anyway?

jack howl.

♡ savanaclaw boys wouldn't find you that special when they first meet you and jack is not an exception. he thought you still have a long way to go and you have to put more effort in what you do. he also thought you looked too weak and "fragile", so he made sure to remind you to train more often, if you can, or to just take better care of yourself. i-it's not like he's worried about you. it just bothers him that you always look so tired all the time and it doesn't look like you get enough sleep too..

♡ however, you manage to impress jack and he's surprised to find out just how hardworking you really are. no matter what happens or how hard your life in twisted wonderland may get, you still try to achieve your goals. sure, you may whine a bit and say that it's unfair for a magicless human like you to go through so much, but you still do what you have to, no matter how weak you look. jack sure finds you more impressive than leona and he doesn't even notice how fast he starts to admire you and even fall in love with you.

♡ falling in love with you doesn't feel like something special because jack isn't even aware of his own feelings at first. he just thinks you're very cool and he respects you a lot and wishes to help you whenever he can. he just always wants to be by your side and support you when you need it. you're much stronger than he thought you were when you two just met, but he still thinks that in a world like twisted wonderland.. you deserve to be protected. and he's more than willing to protect you from whatever life throws at you. he realizes that he's actually in love with you when he notices that he feels a bit weird when you're around. this feeling is warm, but also so confusing.. and whenever you say goodbye to him, he doesn't want you to leave. b-but that's just because he admires you a lot, right?

octavinelle.

azul ashengrotto.

♡ azul didn't think you'd be that useful to him at first. it's not like he can make a deal with you or take your magic.. but still, being friends with a ramshackle prefect might actually help him in the future. so yes, he will try to become closer with you anyway. he's sure it will be easy to make you trust him, he just needs to make you believe that you can rely on him and who wouldn't want to have a friend like azul in such a scary world, especially as a human who has no idea how twisted wonderland works?.. well, it's actually not as easy as azul thought it would be.

♡ sure, you do want to become friends with him, but whenever he tries to help you with whatever you're struggling with (for a price, of course) or he tries to make himself seem as a kind person who genuinely wants to help others, you simply go "thank you, but i'm fine".. what do you mean, you're fine, y/n, he knows what crowley makes you do, just ask azul for help already! but as time passes, azul starts to notice that he actually wants to help you not because he needs you to make a deal with him.. but just because he really does feel bad for you and he wants to make your job at least a bit easier.

♡ falling in love with you feels strange and unexpected, azul wasn't prepared for this at all. he didn't think that he would actually become so attached to you, you were supposed to be another student who he can manipulate, so why do you feel like one of the most important people in his life now? he doesn't think that it's love at first, him thinking of you as his actual friend is already too much for him.. but then his overblot happens. and you forgive him for everything. and you tell him that no matter what, you accept him and even though he still has some.. um.. not so good qualities to work on, you'll be there to help him and support him. okay, maybe he actually is in love with you.

jade leech.

♡ jade thought you were an interesting and unique person right when he met you for the first time, but you were just that: an interesting and unique person. nothing more, nothing less. he would love to know more about you though, so don't be surprised if he starts talking to you more often or asking you more questions. this man wants to study you in a lab, okay. oh, and even though he sure does seem suspicious, he actually doesn't have any ulterior motives, unlike azul. he just can't go "hey, i like you, let's be friends', no, he has to act like his usual self that sometimes seems more dangerous than floyd.

♡ he doesn't even notice falling in love with you, but he sure notices becoming more interested in you for some reason. he always wants to know what you're up to, he wants to know more about your interests and he's always here if you need someone to talk to, whatever the topic is. he only starts thinking more about his feelings for you when floyd mentions jade being "totally in love with you". jade thinks floyd is just joking at first, but then floyd says that he was serious and jade's crush on you is more obvious than he thinks. and the funny thing is that.. jade is surprisingly casual about it. he just goes "oh. so i have a crush on them. okay". he never felt like this before, so he's a little confused, but it's not like he's about to have a breakdown because he just realized he's been in love with you this whole time.

♡ falling in love with you feels sweet and exciting. jade just thought you were a fun person when he first met you, but now it's hard for him to imagine his day without you. you've made him feel emotions he has never/rarely felt before. it's so unusual for him to worry about you, laugh at your jokes or be angry at someone who ruined your day. and trust him, all of those emotions are sincere. he's not pretending, you really made him feel all of this and even though he's not used to feeling this way, he can't wait to find out what else you're going to make him feel.

floyd leech.

♡ just like his twin, floyd already thought you were interesting when he just met you. he always followed you everywhere, he kept pranking you just to see your reaction and he thought that you getting annoyed with him was cute. and he found you even more interesting after he realized that even though he kept messing with you, you still let him hang out with you and didn't ask him to leave. huh, so you actually like his company, shrimpy? well, he's glad to hear that~

♡ floyd's feelings for you don't feel like a crush at all at first. he just thinks you're cute and that's it, really. but for some reason, he really hates it when he has to leave or when you don't give him enough attention. sometimes he takes a break (he doesn't tell azul anything though) from his work at mostro lounge just to hang out with you and he feels bored whenever you're not around. he has no idea why he feels like this, but.. who knows, maybe he really does like you, hehe.

♡ falling in love with you feels fun and full of surprises. floyd has never felt this way before and even though this feeling can be kinda annoying sometimes and it doesn't go away, he wants your relationship to become deeper and he wants to have more fun with you. just being friends is not enough for him anymore. you became an irreplaceable and extremely important part of his world and he hopes you feel the same about him.

scarabia.

kalim al-asim.

♡ kalim is kinda oblivious when it comes to crushes.. no, he's very oblivious. he really does believe he just likes you as a friend and even though it's true at first, as time passes, literally anyone can see that kalim treats you even better than people who he calls his friends. and considering how kind and friendly he is, this guy basically never leaves you alone even for a second and you get gifts from him every single day. he's constantly trying to come up with ways to make you happy and he thinks you have the most beautiful smile in the whole world. but yes, he definitely doesn't have a crush on you <3

♡ you and kalim would most likely have that friends to lovers dynamic. he's very easy to get along with and even though his energetic personality may be overwhelming sometimes, if he sees that you're tired or sad, he will tone it down a bit and ask you what's wrong. if you're not doing so well, he will genuinely worry about you a lot and he's okay with doing anything to make you feel better. he doesn't understand why your happiness matters to him so much, but.. maybe he just doesn't like it when someone is sad. and when YOU are sad, he feels like it's the end of the world and he has to do something about it immediately.

♡ kalim almost doesn't notice falling in love with you. he just thinks your friendship is becoming stronger and that's it. it's okay if he wants to hug you for a little bit longer, that's just because you're his best friend! it's okay if he wants to hold hands with you, he just doesn't want you to get lost and he's worried about you! it's okay if he wants to kiss you- oh. uh.. oh, you know, he means it in a platonic way! it's not like friends can't kiss each other! but if he actually wants to be more than friends with you.. would you be okay with that? wait, what is he even supposed to do with his feelings? maybe he should ask jamil for advice..

jamil viper.

♡ jamil's case is actually even worse because if kalim at least knows that you two have a good relationship and that you are friends, jamil is like "?? idk who you are to me. can i trust you. can i call you my friend". he thought you were okay when he first met you, but didn't pay too much attention to you, though he certainly appreciated you being.. you know, a more "normal" person than most nrc students (especially kalim). he actually feels like he can rely on you, honestly. he won't talk to you too much though, who knows what you're really like jamil if you're hiding something it doesn't mean that everyone around you is like that

♡ jamil doesn't understand why he feels so strange around you. at first he feels like he can trust you, even though he still tries to stop himself and tells himself that you can easily stab him in the back. and why are you so nice to him? you're probably just trying to become friends because you think that having a close relationship with someone like him could be useful, right? well, he's not gonna fall for that. and stop praising him all the time already. he told you that he's just a vice dorm leader and his abilities are not that special- wait, why does he feel good after hearing your compliments. oh no. oh no, he doesn't want you to stop.

♡ falling in love with you feels scary and jamil doesn't want to admit that he sees you not only as a friend (though he won't tell you that), but also as someone who he loves and wants to be with. you actually listen to him, you give him love and attention that he always wanted and you recognize his talents, but you still think that they are not the only good things about him and jamil is also just a very good person who deserves to be loved. jamil doesn't feel like he's ready to open up to you just yet, but he really doesn't want to miss a chance to finally find someone who will care about him as much as he cares about them.

pomefiore.

vil schoenheit.

♡ your relationship with vil definitely had a rough start. he criticized you a lot, he told you to take better care of your appearance, health and all of that. you felt like this guy hates you and tried to avoid him as best as you could. however, you were wrong and even though vil still thought that you could do better and you have some things to work on, he didn't hate you. in fact, he thought you were an interesting person who has their own talents and abilities, but they have to work on them more so that they can achieve their goals faster. so yeah, he basically tried to motivate you, but he probably didn't do a very good job.

♡ other people can notice vil giving you quite a lot of attention but not in a good way. it means that he's especially harsh on you. most students start to agree with you and think that the guy hates you, but his vice dorm leader knows that it's not true at all. rook is sure that vil is being so rude just because he believes you're better than most nrc students and he wants you to reach your full potential. but wow, it really feels like vil is almost obsessed with you. rook mentions that vil almost never stops talking about you lately and vil says that it's not true- no, rook, don't even joke about vil having a crush on you.

♡ even though vil sure has a lot of braincells, he almost doesn't notice falling in love with you as well. he really thinks he's just mad at you for not "trying hard enough", but this guy actually cares about you a lot. it may seem like he's angry at you and he hates you, but he's actually just very worried. what do you mean your sleep schedule doesn't even exist. go to sleep already, don't you know what happens to your skin if you don't get enough rest?? no, he's not worried about your health, it's just. uh. anyway, what about your hair-

rook hunt.

♡ finally. finally someone who actually knows they have feelings for you. though it may take some time for rook to realize that he's in love with you and not just admiring your beauty, he still would understand his feelings for you earlier than most characters here. he understands how romance works better than them, okay. very chad behavior of him sure, he thinks all people are beautiful in their own way, but you feel a little bit more special to him. his heart beats faster around you and he finds it hard to take his eyes off you. he never felt like this before around other students or people in general.

♡ rook would be very affectionate with you, however, he would take his time and wouldn't confess his feelings for you that early. he wants his confession to feel unique and special, he has to be prepared for that moment! he also needs some time to learn more about you. he wants to get to know you better, he wants to know what kind of person you are, how you see the world and he hopes that this way he will be able to predict your reaction to his confession. but of course, he doesn't do it just to earn your trust, he really is curious and wants to know more. you're just so interesting to him, he wants to know what exactly made him fall in love with you this hard.

♡ falling in love with you feels like a fairytale. it's so magical and exciting, rook wishes he never stops feeling this way. you are everything to him, all of his thoughts are about you and he's not complaining. he may joke about you distracting him from everything else, but he's actually more than happy and he doesn't mind being obsessed with you at all. yes, he may still compliment other people's beauty and talents, but don't worry, he has eyes only for you and he's more loyal to you than you think he is.

epel felmier.

♡ unless you make fun of his height, call him cute too often or refuse to take him seriously, epel wouldn't mind your company at all. who knows, maybe you two can actually become friends. and you do become friends! how fun! epel didn't expect to get along with you so easily, but he's more than okay with it. he's glad to have someone he can trust enough to talk about his true feelings and show his true personality to. he's more open and honest with you and he feels like you would never judge him no matter what he does or says.

♡ this feeling slowly starts turning into deep love and affection for you, though epel doesn't seem to notice that and still thinks you're just a friend to him. but he does notice feeling a bit more anxious around you now. why? well, it's like.. he wants to become better for you. he wants to impress you. h-he doesn't have a reason for that, really. he just.. wants you to notice how great and talented he really is. he wants you to praise him and smile at hiim while saying that what he did was amazing. again, he doesn't have a reason for that. totally.

♡ falling in love with you feels sweet and bitter at the same time. epel feels safe when you're around and he feels like he can tell you anything, but he's also scared that you actually don't think he's that special. he does slowly start to realize he's in love with you and that makes him feel even more scared. he needs to become a better person for you, he needs to become stronger, he wants to become someone who can protect you, who can impress you and who you can rely on. so forgive him for taking some time to work on that, he promises that he will tell you the truth when he's ready.

ignihyde.

idia shroud.

♡ idia genuinely doesn't understand why you're so nice to him. it actually scares him a little and he never knows what to expect from you. you're not as extroverted as some other nrc students, like kalim for example, but you still always run to idia whenever you see him and try to talk to him more. what do you want from him? you're just doing this out of pity, aren't you? it's okay, you don't have to give him so much attention, idia loves being alone, also he has online friends, so it's not like he's a complete loner or anything.

♡ you still try to get to know him better. you just want to help idia get out of his shell and become more confident. you don't think that being an introvert is a bad thing at all, but you still think that idia should start socializing more anyway. and you're sure that idia wants to make more friends as well, he's just afraid of being rejected. no, idia, you don't think that all these people are normies, you're just scared of them and trying to come up with an excuse so that you don't have to talk to them.

♡ falling in love with you feels sudden and predictable at the same time. of course idia shroud would fall for a person who's always there to support him and genuinely wants to become friends with him. he's affection-starved, okay? he may say that you can be really annoying sometimes, but he actually waits for you to text him or say hi to him every single day and if for some reason you can't talk to him, he feels lost and.. sad, even? please, don't leave him alone.. he knows that he's most likely too lame or boring for you, but he can't stand the thought of you leaving him.

diasomnia.

malleus draconia.

♡ i wouldn't call it love at first sight, but right after malleus met you, he knew that you're gonna become someone special to him. you didn't know anything about him. you didn't know his real name, status, his real identity. you didn't care about his reputation and you simply thought he seemed like an interesting person to talk to. he also seemed a little lonely too and you really could use a friend in a world like this, so yeah, that's how all of it started. he thought that the nickname you gave him was cute too.

♡ malleus gets used to your company too quickly. in fact, he can't imagine what he would do if you suddenly disappeared or simply lost interest in him. he got used to your kindness, to your smile, to your laugh, to your affection. his world becomes more warm and fun when you're around. but of course, he doesn't want this relationship to be too one-sided. he would do anything to protect you, help you or simply make you smile. you deserve the same happiness that you give him.

♡ falling in love with you feels soft and sweet, but also.. scary. malleus feels so happy when you're around, whenever he wakes up, he immediately thinks of you. you're everything to him. so if he loses you.. he will lose everything. he can't let you leave him. of course, he knows that you come from a different world and twisted wonderland isn't your home. he knows that you will leave him sooner or later. but.. is it selfish of him to want you to stay here for as long as possible? maybe you don't even have to leave?

lilia vanrouge.

♡ lilia thought you were cute right when he first met you. your reactions to his sudden appearances were so funny, it was hard for him to stop surprising you like this. at first your relationship dynamic was just like that, lilia kept surprising/scaring you, you screamed, he laughed and asked you to not be mad at him, he just likes your reactions too much. but as he started learning more about you, he realized that there are so many things he likes about you and it's not just you being an adorable scaredy-cat.

♡ for some reason, even though you wouldn't be able to tell from his behavior, lilia feels very calm when you're around. it's like his thoughts about his past and everything that he had to go through during his very, VERY long life can finally give him a break when he's with you. he doesn't have to worry about that, he can just stay here in present. and actually, he likes staying in present much more now thanks to you. but you're so naive, so innocent, so fragile, lilia thinks it's cute but he's also extremely worried about you because of that. you weren't made for this world. no matter how much you get praised for your job as a prefect, twisted wonderland is still too much for someone like you.

♡ lilia falls in love with you slowly, but when it happens, it feels so overwhelming, lilia has no idea what to do. he knows that having a romantic relationship with you is probably not the best idea considering that you'll have to leave this world someday and even if you don't.. he also doesn't have much time left. but if it's possible, if there's at least a tiny chance of him being in a happy relationship with you, he doesn't want to miss that chance. he may not have much time left, but he would do anything to spend all of that time with you.

silver.

♡ you and silver become friends surprisingly quickly. he knows he can trust you to wake him up when he falls asleep again, even though you think he looks very cute when he's asleep and you want him to get enough rest. whenever silver blames himself for being too lazy or incompetent, you're always here to remind him that he's already doing his best and he doesn't have to be so harsh on himself. he definitely will become a great knight one day no matter what, you believe in him!

♡ your kind words and your support make silver enjoy hanging out with you too much. he lets you watch him train, he finds it relaxing to take a nap when you're there with him and you run your fingers through his hair while he's asleep. even though he seems like a chill guy, he's scared of letting his father and his master down, but he always can rely on you when doesn't feel confident enough and he needs someone to tell him that everything is gonna be fine and lilia and malleus are already proud of him. and you're proud of him too.

♡ falling in love with you feels like a dream that he doesn't want to wake up from. he never thought his life was that bad, but it surely got better thanks to you. he wants to thank you for everything you did for him, he wants to protect you from all the dangers of this world. he knows that he wanted to become a knight so that he can repay lilia and malleus, but now.. he wants to be your knight as well. no, please, don't worry about him, he genuinely wants to do it. you always give him motivation to keep going and it would be an honor for him to become someone who can always protect you.

sebek zigvolt.

♡ yeah, your relationship with sebek wouldn't be that good at first. you two would argue a lot, he would never stop calling you a "lowly human" even though he's a half-human himself. and if you even think of saying anything bad about malleus, that's it, he's this close to killing you on sight. and you did hate sebek for acting like that at first, but as time passed, for some reason you actually started finding it.. entertaining? you loved to make him angry on purpose and then you decided to start teasing and even flustering him. yes, you did flirt with him multiple times just to see what kind of reaction he would give you, so what?

♡ sebek doesn't know how to feel about you. he knows he's supposed to think you're weak and pathetic because, you know, you're a human, but.. why does he feel so weird when you throw your dumb pickup lines at him? and why he feels like he actually wants to be praised by you and he wants you to notice how talented he really is? he knows that you're most likely not being serious most of the time, but he really wants you to be serious for once. uh, he just wants to be praised by you because he deserves it and that's it. it doesn't mean he wants you to be serious when you flirt with him, haha..

♡ sebek really didn't want to fall in love with you and he didn't expect to catch feelings for someone like you, but it still happened. he just doesn't understand why you still hang out with him even though he doesn't treat you that well. and how is he supposed to react when you tease him like that? he knows he should stay serious, but for some reason he just can't control his emotions when he's around you even though he's never that good at controlling them. he also realizes that even though you're a human, you're capable of doing many things and.. ugh, he really doesn't want to say it, but you're actually just as good as some magic users. y-you still have a lot to work on though.

royal sword academy.

chenya.

♡ you and chenya first met during that one unbirthday party after riddle's overblot. you were surprised to find out that a guy from a different school (and a rival school too!) was able to get here so easily and didn't care what nrc students will think of him. and also you thought that the way he could easily appear and disappear as he pleases (or he could just stay as a floating head) was funny. so yes, this guy managed to pique your curiosity.

♡ chenya himself thought you were quite interesting and he was even more surprised when he found out that you came to rsa secretly from other students just to see him. haha, you really betrayed your own school like this for him! wow, y/n, that's something only a lovestruck person would do! but he has to admit, he likes you even more now. just what kind of person are you? you're so full of mysteries and chenya isn't sure if he wants to know all the answers or it would be more interesting to keep it this way.

♡ falling in love with you is fun and exciting. you keep spending more time with chenya no matter what other nrc students think and chenya likes to make jokes about stealing you from nrc students so that you never have to leave him. is he just joking though?.. well, it doesn't matter. what matters more is that you both always end up having so much fun and you feel so comfortable with each other that there's been multiple times when one of you was very close to kissing the other. and lately, it's been very hard for you both to control your feelings.

neige leblanche.

♡ when you first heard of neige, you couldn't believe that someone like that actually existed. i mean, someone more beautiful and popular than vil? is that even possible? and when you finally saw him for the first time.. you were a bit underwhelmed. yes, neige is definitely very pretty, he's adorable, actually, but.. is that really it? but when you actually meet each other, you find it surprising just how nice neige really is. he's very polite, he treats you with kindness and makes sure you're comfortable. oh no, he's so cute, you're about to fall in love-

♡ you actually feel kind of pathetic for getting a crush on neige. it's just.. so predictable, you're really not that special and you're not any better than his fans. you doubt that he will ever notice you, you're just a magicless human from a different world, you don't deserve to be with someone like him. but what you don't know is that neige fell in love with you right when he first saw you. not because of your appearance, even though he thinks you're really pretty, but because of your personality, the way you treat other people and stay kind and patient no matter what. it's very impressive for someone who was basically forced to stay in this world against their will.

♡ falling in love with you feels like neige's life turned into an actual romance movie, but this time he doesn't know anything about the plot, especially the ending. he sure hopes you two will get your happy ending though. neige loves his fans and he really doesn't want to make them sad, he knows that dating someone when he's this popular is not the best decision, but he really, really wants to be with you. this is what true love feels like to him.

noble bell college.

rollo flamme.

♡ you were a bit intimidated by rollo when you first met him, you just.. thought he was a bit scary, haha. but then you noticed just how kind he is to you and that even though he's polite to all nrc students, you're a special case and you certainly are his "favorite". he also was the first person who actually thought you didn't deserve to go through all of this and that it must be very scary and overwhelming for you to have no other choice but to stay in this world full of danger and.. magic. so yes, you got used to his kindness pretty quickly, even though you still had a feeling that something is not quite right.

♡ and yeah, it turned out that rollo really wasn't the best person to trust. he hated magic with all his heart and he wanted it to disappear. and it was hard for him to choose between his growing love for you and his hatred for magic, but then he managed to convince himself that he's doing all of this for your own good and in the end you'll have no other choice but to agree with him. after rollo is defeated, he expects you to hate him as much as others hate him, but to his shock.. you forgive him. you had to deal with six overblots, even though nrc students saved the day this time, it's not like they're much better than him. so yes, you think rollo still can change and you want to give him a second chance.

♡ after that, rollo's love for you becomes even stronger. he can't stop thinking about you and it's hard to tell if he's in love with you or he's obsessed with you. when you have to go back to nrc, it gets even worse and everything around rollo reminds him of you. he really wishes you could spend more time together and he wasn't so focused on his plan. he's gonna be honest, he doesn't really regret doing.. well, all that, but the fact that he could use that time to talk to you more makes him think that maybe.. maybe trying to steal everyone's magic wasn't a good idea. yes, he thinks so only because he could spend more time with you instead of taking everyone's powers. listen, he needs some time, he will change. probably. maybe.

[queen-of-the-avengers]

Whatever It Takes

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.5k

Warnings: angst, hating loki for what he's done, only one bed trope

Summary: You hate Loki and everything he stands for. He ruined a bunch of lives, and you don't want to hear some bullshit on how the mind stone influenced him. He knows he's not a bad person, and he has to figure out a way to prove that to you.

Squares Filled: “god, if only you knew what you did to me.” (2021) for @lokibingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

You take some puzzle books and shove them into your bag along with some coloring books and markers. Where you’re going is known to have spotty Wi-Fi service despite you having the best service, so you’re making sure to bring something to do when you can’t get online. The last thing you put into your bag is noise-canceling headphones so you don’t have to listen to Loki yap the whole time.

The thought of him makes you so angry. You slam your headphones into your bag and zip it up angrily. You’re more than happy to go on missions for the team, but you’re not happy with going on missions that Loki is going on. Even worse, you two are going to be alone for this one. This is a highly sensitive mission that can only have a couple of people on it, and they chose you and him.

You haul your bag to the living room where Natasha and Tony are waiting for you. Loki is still getting ready but he can take his fucking time. You don’t like Loki and you’re not shy about it. Everyone, including him, knows your dislike for him.

“Where’s the fire?” Nat asks when you stomp past her.

“I don’t know why I’m going on this mission. Why can’t you go?”

“You can hack your way through anything. Right now, we need that skill. I’m not a hacker. I kill things to get what I want. You sneak in the back door.”

“Okay, why does he have to go?”

“He’s a master of illusions. You’re the perfect pair.”

“Don’t call us that,” you roll your eyes. “It’s bad enough I have to go with him, but going alone? Why do I have to be alone with him? Come with us.”

“You know why we can’t. The less people, the better. It’s only for a week. You can handle being with him for a week. I’ll even take your next two missions for you.”

“Fine,” you sigh. “Let’s get this over with. Loki! Hurry up!”

Loki appears seconds after you call him with his bag slung over his shoulder. He knows you don’t like him. You make sure everyone knows it whenever you’re within close proximity to him. He doesn't feed into your dislike because that would only egg you on so he silently takes whatever you give to him. It’s cute how angry you can get at him.

Your anger is justifiable. After all, he is the one who fucked with New York and brought an alien race to kill humans. He took Clint and used him as a puppet for his own greed. He killed eighty people in two days. He’s the one who let the Dark Elves into Asgard, causing a war to be brought to Earth. He’s not a good person despite him telling you over and over again that the mind stone influenced him for most of it.

“Have fun, you two,” Tony smirks, “but not too much fun.”

“Gag me,” you roll your eyes. “It’s not going to happen.”

You take your bag to the car while Loki stays behind with Nat and Tony.

“Be gentle with her. I don’t need her coming back in pieces.”

“I’ll check in in a few days,” Loki chuckles and walks out to the car. You fit your bag in the trunk leaving just enough room for Loki’s bag. He heaves it into the car and shuts the trunk. “Give me the keys.”

“Hell no. I’m driving.”

“Darling, you’re a terrible driver.”

“No, I’m not, and I’m not going to let you drive. I don’t trust you behind the wheel with my life in your hands. I’m driving and you can back the fuck off.”

Loki could have won this entire argument if he wanted to, but he’ll let you have this one. If you two are going to be stuck with each other for a week, he’s gonna have to pick his battles around you. This won’t be the only fight and it certainly isn’t the last.

You two pile into the car, and you’re off. Loki turns to you to say something but you immediately turn the music on so you can’t hear him. Loki sighs and lets you have your tantrum, but he does want to talk to you. He lowers the music to speak but you cut him off.

“Let’s get one thing straight, shall we? We’re doing this mission together but that’s all this is. The mission. I don’t want to talk to you unless it’s work-related. Got it?”

“You’ve got to talk to me sooner or later about something else.”

“I choose later,” you smile sweetly and turn the music up again.

Tony is responsible for your shelter and he picks the worst fucking place on the planet. The motel he chose is run-down and old with the sidewalk chopped up, the paint in the parking lots is so faded it’s hard to tell where the next parking spot is, the building looks like it’s going to collapse any second, and the numbers on the doors are no longer there. Only a faded shadow of what was.

The inside isn’t much better, but what did you expect? The people you’re targeting are weapons dealers who choose places like this for a reason. No one would go looking for someone if they were here. Tony is one of your good friends but you’ve always hated his sense of humor. If you call him now, he’s going to say it’s a mistake on his part because there is only one bed. One bed that you and Loki have to share.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” you huff out in anger.

“It’s only a bed, love,” Loki says and walks inside.

“I’m sleeping on the floor.”

“Be my guest.”

It’s already too late to do anything so you two get ready for bed. You grab two pillows and drop them on the floor. This isn’t going to be very comfortable but you’ll do it if it means not sharing a bed with Loki. After you brush your teeth, Loki prepares to take a shower. He closes the door before he gets undressed, and you glance over in curiosity. He hasn’t closed the door all the way so you can see him through the sliver.

His back is turned to you but damn, it’s a muscular back. He may be lean but he has well-defined muscles. Thor likes to show his off while Loki is more reserved. His pale skin glistens in the dim glow of the bathroom light, and you look away before he catches you staring. Yes, he’s quite handsome for a God. You’re not blind, you have eyes. No, stop it. He’s a bad person. He’s not handsome.

You shake your head and grab the top blanket layer on the bed to get comfortable. Your back is going to hurt the whole time you’re here but you refuse to sleep on the same bed as him. Loki finishes his shower quickly and quickly changes into silk pajamas. Of course, this motherfucker would have silk pajamas.

He walks out as he’s drying his hair and scoffs when he sees you on the ground.

“Really? You’re going to sleep on the floor?”

“Yes, now go to bed.”

“You can have the bed.”

“No, you take it. I’m fine down here,” you say stubbornly.

Loki sighs and doesn't argue as he gets into bed. An hour after the lights are out, you’re no closer to sleep than you were before. Every time you move, you end up knocking some part of your body onto the cold ground, and it’s starting to piss Loki off.

“Darling, come up here,” Loki finally says.

“No.”

“I will pick you up off this floor and tie you to the bed if you don’t get in it yourself.” If you’re being honest, the thought turns you on. He will make good on his promise so you stand up and transfer the pillows and blanket to the bed. You get in it but stay at the very edge. There is no way you’re going to be touching him in any way. “You’re being a child.”

“Shut up and go to bed.” You close your eyes to get some sleep when you feel his cold hand on your skin. Chills run down your spine but you’re not sure if it’s from how cold he is or if you’re turned on. You quickly slap his hand away before you get your answer. “Don’t touch me.”

Loki chuckles and lays on his back. An hour later, he can hear your soft snores that he finds adorable. Knowing he’s safe, he grabs your waist and pulls you into him. Subconsciously, you snuggle into him which makes him smile. He runs the back of his finger down your cheek gently so as to not wake you up.

“God, if only you knew what you did to me,” he mutters.

He has to find a way to make you see he’s not a bad guy, and he’ll do it for the rest of his life if that’s what it takes.

x

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[spoilmesweetieforficssake]

hi hi hi!! I love your fics so much and i don't know if you're still taking requests but if you are could you write a Melissa x reader where the reader is madly in love with Melissa and everyone kind of knows except for Mel. And when Mel starts flirting with Gary reader starts going on random dates to try and get over Mel, but Mel gets jealous and hates every person that reader tries to date. And their friendship gets all angsty but they of course end up happily together and everyone at Abbott is like "finally took you two long enough"

I feel like saying this has taken forever isn't actually an exaggeration - but better late than never! I hope after all this time that this is at least close to what you were looking for. I admit though, I got a bit indecisive with the ending, so there are actually two and you can pick which you prefer.!

~

Melissa and Gary are a thing, and you hate it. Worse, you hate that you hate it.  You want to be happy for her, you really do, but you can’t help the way your heart clenches painfully every time you hear her talk about what she and Gary are doing together, or apparently the nausea that comes with seeing them together.

Still, you weren’t raised without manners and in love with your friend though you may be, you are Melissa’s friend first and foremost.  So you slap on a smile and endure the looks of sympathy from your colleagues. 

When you start to distance yourself it’s not because you don’t want to spend time with the redhead, but as an act of self-preservation.  Your little Abbott family, who were annoyingly quick to pick up on the fact you were in love with the red head, are also quick to pick up on the shift. 

Barb is the first to say something out loud, offering to set you up with a nice girl she knows.  It’s unexpected and takes you by surprise.  “Thanks, Barb.  It’s really sweet of you but I’m not looking for anything serious just now.”

You miss the daggers being aimed at the kindergarten teacher behind your head and in making a break for the coffee machine you also miss the older woman’s raised eyebrow in response to a certain red head. 

*

“So, how many matches did we get?” asks Jacob like it’s some kind of team game, as he comes into the break room to find you on your phone. 

It had been games night the night before, but the board game had ended up set aside and Jacob and Janine got you set up on Tinder.  Melissa suddenly becomes very interested in your phone screen over your shoulder.

“You really think you need an app to get a date?”

“Well we can’t all have our other halves roll in with our favourite drinks, can we?” you quip, ignoring her jibe.  You keep your eyes on your phone, all too aware of the silence that has fallen over the breakroom at your comment.

You jump as Melissa suddenly leans over your shoulder, swiping at your screen.

“She’s too old for you.”

You turn to look at the red head with a raised eyebrow.  “Actually, I set the age range myself, so she’d have been just the right age.”

She huffs and you turn back to your phone, and if you swipe with a little more vigour than before, well, it’s certainly not to prove a point. 

*

You manage to set up a couple of dates via the app, but they’re terrible.  What you hoped could be a chance to blow of a little steam ends of being up being a few awkward drinks with people who are more interested in their image and talking about themselves than anything else. 

Not that you tell that to Melissa.  No, as far as she’s aware the string of dates you’ve on have been great. 

“Yeah, that’s why you keep going on new ones,” she quips one day.

“I didn’t say I planned on marrying these people,” you huff.  “But it’s not illegal to want a little fun!”

Melissa snorts.  “You’re not that shallow,” she smirks as she passes you on her way out of the room.

You lay your head on the table, groaning. 

“Those dates that bad, huh?”

Your head flies up at the words, eyes wide as you take in Ava pouring a liberal amount of sugar into her coffee.  Had she been there the whole time?  “They’ve not been great,” you admit.  “I don’t tend to well on dates when I’ve never really met the person, never mind barely messaged them,” you admit.

Ava cocks her head to the side.  “You let Tweedledumb and Tweedleditzy set up that account, didn’t you?”

You nod, not quite sure where she’s going with this.

“Yeah, you ain’t gonna get dates who just want to do the dirty and not expect breakfast in the morning with something they set up.”  She slides into the seat opposite you and holds out her hand.  “I can fix that.  Gimme your phone.”

She rolls her eyes as you flinch back.  “You know what?  Forget that stupid app.  I’ll get you a date.  You’ll love this one.  Trust me.”

You’re not entirely convinced you do as she waggles her eyebrows playfully at you, but surely anything has to be better than the dates you’ve recently been on?

*

You walk in to the bar and for a moment you think that Ava has somehow set you up with Melissa.  The red hair catches you attention first, the feminine curves a quick second, but then you realise the hair is not quite the right colour, the curves less pronounced.  The description of the outfit matches though so after taking a moment to compose yourself, you make your way over and say hi. 

Blue eyes meet yours as she stands and the woman takes a moment to look you up and down as you squirm under the attention.  How people can do anything other than blush and stutter under the scrutiny of a beautiful woman you’re not sure.  One thing you do know though, is that this woman is indeed beautiful.

“Ava said you might be a little nervous, so got you a drink.” 

You thank her, taking a sip only to realise that Ava must have also told the woman what you drank.  Your second sip turns more into a gulp as you proceed to down the drink.  “Sorry,” you say sheepishly.  “Could at least have asked your name before I downed the drink you bought me.”

She smiles at your embarrassment, extending a hand.  “Joanne,” she offers.  “Jo, if I decide I like you.”

“Here’s hoping,” you smile back, shaking the offered hand. 

*

It’s going well, you realise.  The conversation is flowing between you and can’t deny she’s attractive.  She seems to like what she sees too if her flirting and casual touches are anything to go by.  There’s just one problem.  There’s another red head on your mind and you can’t help but compare the two. 

Joanne seems to feel your hesitancy.  “It’s fine,” she says, her smile turning gentle as she places a hand on your arm.  “Ava suggested you might be a little emotionally unavailable, but it’s been a while since I had a date with a cute girl, so I figured what’s the harm?”

“Sorry,” you say, ducking your head. 

“Don’t be,” smiles the red head.  “Look, we’re here, why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”

“You don’t deserve that,” you say, shaking your head.

Joanne merely smirks.  “You’re buying the drinks.”

There’s something about her easy manner that puts you at ease.  You look up at her, waiting patiently for you to speak.  Ava had clearly told her more than your favourite tipple. 

“What’s her name?” she asks.

You feel your cheeks heat up.  Here you are, sitting on a date with a beautiful, interesting, apparently endlessly patient woman, and she’s asking about her.  “Melissa,” you say in all but a whisper.

“Let me guess,” smirks the other woman.  “Red head, my kinda age?”

Your blush only deepens.

Joanne chuckles.  “Ava ain’t subtle, honey.  But you know you gotta move on before your little heart breaks even more.” 

The hand that had been resting on your arm moves to cup your cheek as she leans in to kiss you.  It’s nice.  It’s really nice.  And for a moment, you find you’re not thinking about Melissa. 

*

“Well fuck,” sighs Melissa, halting in her steps.  She stands, unable to look away as she sees you in the bar, clearly on a date.  For a moment, she’s not sure what to do.  She had been on her way to your apartment, but she can hardly interrupt your night now.  “What a shitty end to a shitty night,” she breathes, stuffing her hands into her jacket pockets as she turns on her heel and heads home, her steps much less determined than they had been.

*

When Monday rolls around you’re in a better mood than you’ve been in a while.  To your surprise, you actually enjoyed Ava’s date.  She was good company, and after you were honest with her, it turned out she was also rather good at giving advice.  The advice being that you should be the friend you’ve always been to Melissa, after all, it’s not the red head’s fault you fell in love with her.  The kissing and light making out was just a bonus, really.  A little fun never hurt, after all. 

Melissa, however, isn’t quite so bright come Monday.  She’s quiet, distracted and when you finally ask what’s wrong at lunch, she just shakes her head and leaves the room.  You look to Barb, hoping she’ll take pity and at least cast a little light on the situation. 

“She and Gary broke up,” she tells you quietly, her voice low to keep the other’s from hearing.

“Oh,” you breathe.  You’re not quite sure what to say to that.

*

At the end of the day, you look up from your tidying to find Melissa loitering in your doorway.  “Hey,” you say by way of greeting.  “Barb told me,” you tell her, offering a sad smile.  “Sorry to hear.”

She shrugs.  “I think I knew it was coming…just, didn’t expect it to happen the way it did.”

You watch as she comes to sit on the edge of your desk.  “Saw you out on your date on Saturday.  Was actually on my way to yours.”

“Oh,” you say, your cheeks heating up.  “Yeah, Ava set me up.  She was great but we’re not taking it any further.  Or at least, it’s nothing serious.”

“But you looked like you were having a good time, and she…”

You shake your head.  “I was…it was…Gary’s an ass by the way, for leaving you,” is what finally comes out.

“Actually, Gary isn’t an ass” she sighs.  “Gary called it quits because he asked me if I’d ever say yes if he asked me the question…and I told him I couldn’t.”  She drops her gaze, hanging her head.  “He knew it wasn’t just my past that meant I couldn’t say yes.  He knew my heart wasn’t in it…”

You start putting two and two together and getting dangerously close to four.  Gary broke up with Melissa because she wouldn’t say yes to that question.  Because her heart wasn’t in it. 

“Why did Ava set you up with that woman?” asks Melissa, still not looking up. 

Unable to properly see her face, hidden as it is by her hair, you can’t read her expression as you’d like to.  Your next words feel important thought.  “Ava knows my type.”

Melissa nods, her eyes still on the floor.  “Why ain’t you gonna see that woman again?”  This time she does look up.  “You looked like you were actually enjoying yourself.”

“I was,” you admit.  There’s no point lying.  She saw you, probably smiling and laughing.  “Ava set me up with her because she knew I’d find her attractive.  But she also told her I might be a bit hung up on someone else, so that night, when you saw me with her, I was probably talking about you.”

“You were talking about me, with her, while she was kissing you?”

That comment lets you place when Melissa would have walked by.  You nod.  “When you saw me, that was probably right around the time she told me I should think about moving on if I didn’t want to break my own heart even more.”

Melissa stands and is in front of you before either of you can think.  She looks at you for what feels like forever, green eyes searching your face, for what you don’t know.  She reaches up to touch your face and you close your eyes on instinct, gasping at the featherlight touch of her lips against yours.  Covering the hand on your face with your own, you open your eyes as she pulls back.  “I can’t do this if your heart’s not in it.”

“What if it is?”

* Ava

*

“Well I was gonna ask how you enjoyed my date but I guess I got my answer.”

The pair of you jump at the sound of Ava’s voice.

“About damn time you two got your shit together.  If I’d knows all it would take to get you with this spicy white was to put another firecracker in front of you I’d have done it months ago!”  She claps her hands excitedly.  “Oh this is too good to keep!”  She disappears from the doorway, only for her head to pop back around a moment later.  “Just no funny business in front of the kids.  But what happens in the supply closet stays in the supply closet,” she grins, waggling her eyebrows at the pair of you.  With that, she leaves you, the sound of her heels echoing along the hallway. 

“Ava!” scolds Melissa, thinking she’s going to have to take disinfectant wipes the next time she ventures into the supply closet.  With Ava, there’s no guessing what level of depravity the room has been subjected to. 

You know your cheeks are beet red, and you hide your face against Melissa’s shoulder. 

“This isn’t exactly how I saw this going,” admits the red head. 

Raising your head, you look up at her with hopeful eyes.  “But you saw it going somewhere?”

She shrugs.  “You seem keen on going on all these dates, how about one with me?”

Biting your lip, you take a moment to just look at her; the slightly shy expression, the twinkle in her eye.  Nodding, you lean in to kiss her once more.

“You know I almost didn’t believe her.”

You pull apart to see Barb in the doorway.

Melissa rolls her eyes.  “Anyone else wanna come and watch?”

A moment later Janine’s head appears around the doorframe, Jacob close behind.

“Seriously?” snaps the red head, hands on her hips. 

Ava returns, a wide grin plastered on her face.  “They wanted to come and confirm before I collected my winnings.”

“Winnings?” asks Melissa, eyebrow raised and tone bordering on dangerous.

“Hand it over people,” smirks Ava, hand extended.

“Oh hell no!”  The red head snaps into action, heading for the group.  “You did not bet on me!”  She snatches the notes from Ava’s outstretched hand.  “You bet on my happiness I’m sure you won’t mind if this goes towards it!  Y/N? Let’s go!”

You look at the hand being held out towards you and are quick to hoist your bag onto your shoulder and follow her.  You duck your head and blush under everyone’s gaze but can’t help but grin as your hand settles in her own. 

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” calls Ava. 

The group watches you both go, Melissa rolling her eyes at the hollering they let out as she puts a possessive arm around your waist.

* Barb *

If Barb notices that Melissa is unusually reserved as they order their drinks she says nothing of it.  Truth be told, she had only suggested the meal to make sure Melissa wasn’t left sitting in the house on her own on a Friday night, or worse, going out to the bars on her own in search of some company for the night.

“There’s something I gotta tell you,” says the red head, setting down the menu wasn’t even reading. 

“You’re not getting back together with him, are you?” asks the Kindergarten teacher. 

“What?  No!  No, I…that’s over and it’s for the best,” replies Melissa.  “No, the night Gary broke up with me, I ended up going for a walk to clear my head and ended up heading to Y/N’s apartment, except I didn’t quite make it there,” she admits.  “I saw her out on that date Ava set her up on.”  She sighs, wishing she had waited for their drinks to have arrived.  “And it made me feel…”

“Jealous?” Barb ventures.

Melissa looks up, meeting her friend’s eyes.  “I guess that covers it, yeah.”  Taking a deep breath, she pushes on.  “Anyway, I spoke to her on Monday about it…and I might have kissed her.”  Admission made, she looks away, pleased to see the waiter arriving with their drinks.  She doesn’t even let him put it on the table before she takes it and raises it to her lips.  It’s only when she finally sets her cocktail glass down, half empty, that she dares to look at her friend once more.

What she sees is a gentle smile.

“Took you long enough.”

“What?” she asks, a frown creasing her features.

“You have liked that girl since before Gary was even on the scene,” says Barb.

Melisa’s frown only deepens.  “Then why did you push me, literally may I add, in his direction?”

At this, Barb’s smile falters.  “I hoped it might make you realise how you felt about her.”

The red head lets out a huff, reaching for her glass once more.  “Well that went well, didn’t it?”

“It wasn’t my finest moment”, admits the older woman.  “But maybe it’s all finally working out in the end?”

Melissa fidgets with her straw.  “So you don’t think she’s too young? Too…”

Reaching out, Barb places a gentle hand on her friend’s arm.  “I think she’s in love with you, and I think you like her, a lot.”

Cheeks pinking, Melissa puts down her glass.  “I do.  A lot.  A helluva lot.”

Knowing it says something in itself the fact the red head isn’t making a joke, but rather admitting how she feels, Barb knows this is the real deal.  She knows if this goes South that hearts will be well and truly broken, but she’s seen the two of you together.  You work well together.  There’s a quiet in you that balances out the boisterousness of Melissa.  A steadiness that although she won’t admit it, the red head craves. 

“I think you could be good for each other,” she says softly.  “And no, I don’t think she’s too anything.”

[susiephone]

while i find a lot of criticism of booktok and "booktok books" to be valid, a lot of it seems......very reminiscent of the anti-twilight stuff in the early 2010s. like specifically the parts that were like "TWILIGHT IS THE DEATH OF FEMINISM AND LITERACY" and "VAMPIRES AND BOOKS ARE RUINED FOREVER" and "THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO LIKE TWILIGHT ARE DUMB TEENAGE GIRLS WHO ARE DUMB AND DON'T KNOW ANY BETTER" rather than like. actual critiques of the books. and even some of the more valid claims would sort of position themselves as if teenage girls reading twilight can't tell fiction from reality. like i'm not saying you can't or shouldn't criticize popular books (i certainly have), or saying that it's not fun to rag on a book you hate (it sure as hell is). but treating a book you don't like getting popular (esp with teenagers) as the end of literacy and the publishing industry and good writing is just plain absurd.

like i'm not saying all these books are secretly masterpieces, or even that they're all good. i've read some shit booktok books, just like i read some shit YA books back in 2012. but weirdly, the world did not come to an end and good books are still getting published. many of those books provided me with genuine entertainment, solace, and community, even if in hindsight they weren't the best, and i don't think it's fair, kind, or logical to treat people like they're stupid for enjoying books like this. (not to mention, how many people really got into reading because of Generic YA Fantasy #45 or Fun Mindless Romance #207 or Pulply Trashy Sci-Fi #62? maybe they'll branch out into other types of literature, maybe not. but it's still good that they're reading.)

and, frankly, learning to recognize and critique genuinely problematic tropes and elements in these books has made me a better writer and more attentive and educated reader. sometimes being able to articulate why something is bad is important, and sometimes that requires actually reading the damn book. and i would say that goes double for books you enjoy but contain iffy elements - it's a lot easier to completely dismiss a book that's nothing but 500 red flags in a trenchcoat, but if you're in a place of "wow this book really spoke to me in x, y, z way and i really enjoyed it BUT a, b, c were really poorly handled," it gets trickier.

TL;DR: no, barnes and noble having a booktok table is not going to kill literature as we know it, and no, people enjoying a book you find overhyped and cringe doesn't mean they're all mindless sheep who can't enjoy True Literature. calm the fuck down.

[stevesbipanic]

@steddiemas Day 26: Fake Dating

Steve was ready for Hawkins to open up again and for the Upside Down to swallow him whole. Christmas was meant to be fun, well at least it was supposed to be fun now that he spent it with the Buckley's. Right now though he was glaring at his boyfriend and best friend across the table. Or wait not his boyfriend this evening, no tonight, Eddie was Robin's boyfriend.

Steve could only blame himself he supposed, one for loving the two idiots that were currently badly suppressing giggles and two because it was all because of what he'd said last week.

One week earlier...

"Robin, just tell your mom you're a lesbian or I'm not coming to Christmas lunch next week."

"Steve I can't do that do you want to ruin Christmas!?"

"She was already fine with me being bisexual she's not going to send you to hell, that's why we tested her with me in the first place!"

"No, I'm not ready!"

"Well I can't sit through another Christmas of your mom suggesting a Spring wedding!"

"You're my boy space friend can't we just let her live in a fantasy world where she marries into the Harrington's?"

"I don't even want to be one!"

"Could pop down to the courthouse and become a Munson, baby," Eddie supplied watching the back and forth while blatantly stealing from the candy display.

Steve gave him a deadpan look, "You need to propose to me better than that, Eds. No, Robin that's it I'm not going, I'm not being your boyfriend anymore!"

"What am I meant to do then, she'll be asking about you all day!"

"I'll do it!" Eddie exclaimed.

"Do what?" The other two asked giving him a questioning look.

"No, stop I hate when you do that twin thing it's creepy. And I'll be your boyfriend for Christmas, Birdie."

Which brought Steve to now. It had seemed like a brilliant idea, one Steve could enjoy his Christmas lunch peacefully being the golden boy of the table as Mrs Buckley dawned over him and two, no boyfriend questions. There was also the added bonus that lesbianism might seem like a better option than the town's drug dealer in the Buckley's minds. What Steve hadn't counted on, was the Buckley's loving Eddie.

"Oh, you're in a band that's so lovely, you know I played tamborine for a band back when I was your age, we thought we were going to be a big girl group."

"I hear you're working over at Thatcher's son, they're good men there you're certainly going to learn a lot."

Steve had been relegated to peeling the potatoes while Eddie was literally putting his feet up in the living room. He felt like the middle child of a family that just got a newborn baby, how dare Eddie steal his pseudo parents. What was worse was that Robin was finding this hilarious.

"Oh poor Stevie Wevie are you sad mom's not asking about how EMT school is going?"

"Yes! I had such a fun fake heart attack story she was gonna love." Steve pouted and for a moment he thought about stomping his foot in protest.

"Hey, it's ok, next year I promise I'll have told them, and Edward over there can come as your boyfriend, ok?" Robin reassured wrapping an arm around him.

Steve guessed that he could give up being the favourite this time, and it was nice seeing people be kind to Eddie, it hadn't been easy after Spring Break. It didn't stop him shooting daggers whenever Eddie and Robin decided to reassure Steve at lunch that he'd find someone nice eventually.

Steve and Eddie waved goodbye after lunch, promising to visit soon and hopped into the van.

"Have fun?"

"Oh yeah, I think Janice is already planning the Spring wedding."

"Well, I hope you enjoyed getting fawned over because we've got dinner with Wayne now, and guess who's his favourite?"

"Just because you know the difference between the Chiefs and the Packers, I'm his own blood and the minute you're there it's like I'm chopped liver!" Eddie exclaimed as they drove towards the trailer park.

Lunch had been interesting but he was very glad it was over as he laughed and slid his fingers between Eddie's between them, happy that he had his boyfriend back.

Ao3

[creedslove]

MOONLIGHT BLISS 🌙

Post outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: Joel needs to face his feelings for you, he is even determined to do so, but when you face someone else who also likes Joel, you begin doubting yourself

(This can be read as a sequence of SLEEP BLISS 💤 and SHOWER BLISS 🫧 or as a stand alone, it's up to you)

Warnings: angst, jealousy, age gap, insecure!joel, insecure!reader, fluff a lot of fluff like so much fluff

A/N: I know it's out of character Joel but I don't care, I want my sweet handsome middle aged man to be happy 😭

3.3k words

Sage was the complete antithesis of you. She was tall, strong, badass and older. A woman who managed to get by 20 years in the apocalypse and still look extremely good and attractive.

Some people in Jackson said she was the female version of Joel, but you couldn't disagree more. She was obnoxious, rude, mean and kind of a bully to whoever she didn't like.

And you would fight anyone who dared say Joel was like that.

He wasn't a ray of sunshine, but he was definitely not entitled like that bitch, he kept to himself and he didn't open up to others, but he was never a dick like that woman. Well, he was never a dick to you.

You even forgot the last time he'd been rude towards you, as you and him had been getting along so well in Jackson. It was like you had a connection, each passing day stronger, even if you didn't have a romantic relationship, you certainly had an emotional relationship.

You took care of Joel and he took care of you.

You might not be like Sage, you were shorter than her, your breasts weren't as big as hers and she was closer in age to Joel, maybe eight or nine years younger than him.

But you were fast, you were decent at shooting and you were not afraid of killing as many clickers as you could in order to keep you both safe. You know Joel took care of you, but you weren't a damsel in distress, and you didn't throw over his shoulders the weight of having to protect you, you worked well as a team, so you didn't know why that woman's small provocations bothered you so much.

Maybe it was the fact she had it bad for Joel.

She didn't like him, as in having feelings for him, but she wanted him bad. He was by far the most attractive guy in Jackson, that was an agreement between the two of you, and you knew it pissed her off to see you two together all the time.

It always made you feel pretty good about that, though you weren't romantically involved with him.

No matter if you shared beds and even showers, Joel would never make a move, and that made you sure the problem was you. You were in love with him, but he wasn't in love with you and even if it hurt, you had to be okay with it, you couldn't force him into having feelings for someone.

You hated that woman because she always looked down at you, as if she was so much better, but you hated her more because she always eye fucked Joel.

It always felt to you he was yours, because you felt his, even if that wasn't your reality, you didn't want to wake up from that sweet dream. It was dangerous, but it was the only way to soothe your lonely heart.

You sighed lost in your own thoughts as you brushed the horse's fur very gently, you loved having stable duty, you could spend the whole day among them. They were usually so calm and you just loved to feed them, brush them and play with them. It would be just another day of fun if you hadn't been paired up with Sage.

She didn't like animals, or kids, or people, you were sure she only liked Joel because she dreamed of his cock filling up her old dry cunt. You felt a hint of embarrassment to think that you shouldn't be doing it, but each time she teased you about how young or naive you were, or how easily you'd get Joel into trouble if you two were cornered in a physical confrontation you felt like shooting her.

You were petting a beautiful horse named Caramel he was one of the gentlest ones you've seen and you had to admit you felt a little jealous when someone took him on patrol. You only trusted Joel who was always careful and respectful with animals, he knew they meant a lot to you, and he always made sure to take good care of them.

"So, are you and Joel a thing?" Sage broke the silence and looked at you.

You were caught off guard by her question.

Were you and Joel a thing? Technically no, but technically yes.

You thought you were emotionally attached to him enough to say yes, you both shared a bed, holding each other in your sleep, you had literally showered together once, but much to your dismay, you knew the answer was no.

"Well, we're partners, we've known each other for a few years, we traveled together to Jackson and we share a house… I like Joel, a lot" you let it slip, though it was an understatement, you felt much more than just like him and though it was pretty obvious to anybody, you felt regret immediately, you shouldn't have told that woman that, and it didn't help when she laughed out loud at you.

"Yeah yeah yeah, you have the heart eyes for him, no one is that stupid not to see, it could be cute if it weren't pathetic really, but I mean are you two fucking?"

You looked at her with so much anger but your silence was all she needed to have her answer.

"Good to know that, I'll make a move on him, it's about time I find some good fuck around here, not to mention Joel will definitely enjoy a real woman"

You couldn't stop staring at her, you wanted to ignore everything she was saying but you just couldn't hold yourself back, you knew you were about to get hurt but you did it anyway.

"Why pathetic?" You asked "why do you say liking Joel is pathetic?" You reframed your question.

She furrowed her brows and then chucked

"Oh please Y/N… isn't it just cliche? You fall for your savior, your protector, but he's much older than you, yes, Joel's hot but he could be your dad… he knew the world before things went to shit, she's met women, do you think he would be hooked on a little girl like yourself? Of course you probably clean up and cook for him, and he sticks around, gives you some of his attention, maybe crumbles of affection, but it's only because you are a comfortable option for him. Men like Joel need real women, not weak girls like yourself"

A mix of anger invaded your veins and spread all over your body, you wanted to punch that smug expression away but you knew you didn't stand a chance. She was stronger and she wouldn't hesitate in hurting you.

"Listen, Sage I-" you were cut off by Joel who called your name.

You turned to him and saw him stepping closer, at the same time the woman put on a smile on her face and you could swear you saw her opening her jacket some more, so she'd expose her cleavage.

You groaned under your breath and looked at Joel.

"Hey, I didn't know you were coming here" you told the man, finding it odd as you knew he had some services here and there with Tommy through the town.

Joel scratched the back of his neck and gave you one of those embarrassed looks he often did when he needed you to help him, so you were sure he was thinking of an excuse.

"Tommy asked me to check on the horses" he told you and glanced at Sage, who kept watching your interaction in an intrusive way, making him not uncomfortable… that was not the word, it was making him angry.

"Well, you can see the horses are alive" you chuckled though your smile didn't meet your eyes and he could tell you were upset over something.

When Sage made a sudden movement, Caramel got agitated and took a step back, you could tell the animal didn't like nor trusted her and well, you couldn't actually blame him.

You walked to Caramel and carefully held his face between your hands, having a lot of eye contact with him "shh, it's okay, you don't have to be afraid, it's just Joel and me" you reminded him, pecking his fur so gently and caressing him.

Joel watched in awe as Caramel immediately calmed down. He could never admit it out loud, but the reason why he ditched his own lunch break and went after you was just because he wanted to see you dealing with the horses.

He didn't know how you did it, but you've always been so good with animals and kids. They all seemed to like and trust you instantly. It's like a sensibility that he never had. But even when you were on the road, you'd still look out for stray cats that would appear here and there.

When you two got to Jackson and you volunteered for working with the kids, his heart tightened in his chest. Whenever he saw any kids he couldn't help but think of the time he was a dad himself. Of course his sweet Sarah was already a beautiful young lady when he lost her, but she was once the sweetest child he'd ever seen, she used to like butterflies and watch princess movies with him.

The way you paid attention to the kids around, and played with them, made him think of how Sarah never had that with her mom, but you seemed like you could be a great mom, and he was once a good dad, so maybe one day you two could…

And he stopped himself right there.

He was going nuts, he was sure of it, that was the only explanation to have delusional thoughts like that.

You looked at Sage and how she wasn't going anywhere and sighed.

"I'll take Caramel for a walk, I'll see you later" you told Joel and smiled, though he could tell it was a sad one.

He nodded softly and watched as the winter sun made you glow while you took off with the horse.

Sage smirked and took a few steps towards Joel, she was finally glad to be alone with the man and licked her lips.

He saw her approaching and took another step towards her, closing the distance before them. He could see her excitement, her anticipation and her joy to have him so close, she was sure he was going in for a kiss but all he did was point a finger toward her face.

"What goes on between Y/N and I is none of your fucking business. She owes you no explanation and if I ever see you taunting her or talking shit again, you'll pay" he said angrily. "You are the pathetic one, not Y/N, she's much more of a woman than you will ever be" he barked at the woman and turned his back to her.

When he was getting to the stables earlier that day, his mind was cloudy as he thought to himself if he should do it or not. Joel had crossed too many lines with you, he'd promised himself he wasn't going to touch you, to lead you into thinking he could ever be a good partner or give you anything romantic. His biggest fear was waking up some day and seeing you fall for him, you didn't deserve that burden, he wasn't a good person, he wasn't a good man, he wasn't a good partner, boyfriend or husband. You were too good for him and he could never succumb to the temptation of having a moment with you. But you made it all so hard for him, you were all the time so sweet, so gorgeous, you cared about everybody, but above all, you cared about him.

For the first in twenty years he had someone doing something without expecting anything in return. He didn't have to trade favors or rations of food, all you did was make sure he was alright and you were so painfully kind, like people weren't anymore.

So Joel's nightmare shifted slowly, and instead of fearing you would fall for him, he realized he had fallen for you.

And he'd fallen hard.

He was so ashamed of that realization, how could he just wake up one day and be in love?

But it was too late, Joel had it bad for you and the morning he came to the stables he didn't just want to watch you deal with the horses, he wanted to ask you out.

It wouldn't be a big deal, of course. He'd invite you to go to the bar, have a couple of drinks and take it from there. It would be a nice change to just staying home like you always did. He was having his hopes high enough to even maybe see you doll up a little for him.

He spent the whole morning gathering courage to ask you, but as soon as he got behind the stable and overheard you mentioning his name, he stood as silently as he could, curious to know what you had to say about him.

His heart raced the moment he heard you liked him…

You liked him, but how? As a friend? As a man? Joel closed his eyes and prayed to the Lord you didn't like him as a dad. That would be the end of him.

But then Sage opened that sewage she called a mouth and she ruined it.

He had hoped you would brush things off, you gotta know him better than that, he thought, to know he would never go after a woman like that. But then he saw your sad eyes, how upset you felt and he knew she had ruined things up.

•••

You spent the whole afternoon away with Caramel, you two settled in an open space, where he could rest and play around while you thought about what Sage had said.

Comfortable.

You were a comfortable option for Joel.

But was that all you were for him?

No, that witch couldn't be right, he cared for you, he liked you, surely not the way you liked him, but he thought of you more than a comfortable option, right?

You felt a pang in your heart the more you thought of it, because what if he didn't? What if that was exactly what you were for him, just someone easy to be with, someone who would cook and clean and keep him warm.

He never told you love words, he never touched you the way you longed to be touched, so then, what was all of that to him? Did he even care if you just went like Sage and tried finding yourself a lay for the night?

You shook all these thoughts away, you didn't want to feel bitter about might-have-beens, plus the sun was setting down and you needed to be home before dark.

You took Caramel back to the stable, saying goodbye to him and headed home.

When you got there, you could see Joel was wearing his flannel shirt and his nice jacket. He had just gotten out of the shower and…

Was he wearing cologne?

You frowned softly at seeing him like that and felt your heart drop to your toes at the realization he was going out. Possibly on a date with Sage. Of course, you had left them together, you'd handed a platter of meat to the lion.

"Hey Y/N…" Joel said in his hesitant voice, you said hello and sat down on the couch.

"So darling… I'm going out tonight.."

There it was.

You tried your best to hide your jealousy and bitterness.

"Alright, have fun" you replied with a small smile.

And Joel stood there, like a moron. He stared at you but words didn't come out of his mouth, all he had to add was a few words. He just needed to ask you out. The worst that could happen would be you saying no. Of course it would break his heart, but he went through worse so he figured he would overcome things.

You looked up at him with a puzzled expression, why was he still staring at you?

"Do you need anything, Joel?"

"You"

You widened your eyes and gasped.

"What?"

"You heard me, Y/N, I need you… to come with me, of course" he quickly fixed what he'd said but you knew there was more to it. Your heart raced as you got up and walked to him, holding back your smile.

"You don't have a date with Sage tonight?"

He frowned and shook his head immediately dismissing the idea.

"Not with her"

You closed the space between the two of you and leaned closer, Joel also leaned in, his heart hammered his chest, waiting for the kiss that never came. Instead, you whispered into his ear:

"I'll go get ready"

•••

You walked through the Jackson streets together, shielding yourselves from the wind. It was a cold night, but the sky was clear and the moon was shining brightly. It didn't matter if the temperatures were low, it just felt so good to be walking with Joel. He offered you his arm and though neither of you mentioned anything about your weird interaction earlier, you were pretty sure that was a date.

Joel still didn't tell you where you were going, but anywhere with him would be good enough.

He looked down at you as if he had read your mind.

"So… I haven't really thought of where we could go… I didn't think you'd say yes" he gave you a shy smile and looked away.

"Why wouldn't I say yes, Joel?" You replied and slid your hand down his arms, finding his hand and entwining your fingers together.

"Come with me" he said as he thought of a perfect place you could go to.

At first, you thought he was taking you to the stables, but then, you walked around it and went for the hills, where you climbed it and sat down comfortably.

"I thought it would be nice to see the moonlight or something" Joel shrugged and looked at you "sorry, I'm nervous, I haven't been on a date in so long" you felt a warmth in your heart and you held his head making him look at you.

"It's perfect, it reminds me of when we were on the road, you didn't really like me back then, but we had some good times" you chuckled softly and felt Joel's hands on your hips, holding them with a soft grip.

He scoffed.

"I've always liked you, but you always made me run out of patience" he admitted, making you laugh.

"Maybe, I was cranky, but I think I've gone soft, and it's your fault, sweetheart"

You looked into his eyes and then at his lips, you felt your heart pounding as Joel's grip on your waist tightened and he pulled you towards him.

You felt his lips against yours for the first time and it was so much better than you could ever imagine. The way your skin burned at his beard brushing and how he deepened it. You felt his tongue on yours and what began as a slow, gentle kiss, turned into an urgent, fiery one.

You moaned into his lips and tugged his hair, as you broke the kiss, Joel panted softly, worried he'd done something wrong but he smirked as you straddled him and sat on his lap.

"Are you sure you want this, darling?"

He mumbled against your skin, kissing down your neck and kneading your ass gently.

"I've never been so sure, Joel. I need it"

You whispered to him, enjoying the moonlight bliss with the man you loved.

_____

A/N: it wasn't my best work, but I just wanted to make Joel have a happy moment 🥺

[inthestarsme]

Astro Notes pt. 8

These are not my pictures: 1st by robbodarko on pinterest, 2nd by an anonymous creator on pinterest.

‼️Don't repost my Observations without consent and mentioning my page‼️

If you don't agree with my observations, please don't send any hate. They're only my personal observations that i'm posting just for fun. Especialy the specific ones can only apply to certain people. So don't take anything you read too seriously. It's not a science, just pop-astrology!😎

❗️DISCLAIMER: I'm going to be talking about a lot of dark stuff, so if you may be triggered or retraumstised by ANYTHING, please DO NOT read this one ❗️

So let's buckle up, this one is a little more deep and dark than usual 🖤

Scorpio MC: I promise i'm going to stop talking about this placement, but i just find it very interesting. Looking at Zendayas birth chart who has a Scorpio MC with Pluto in her 10th house conjunct that MC (which i have too, exept the conjunction part), she seems to always keep her life very private. And if she ever shows herself in public, it's always to make a power move or to promote something she has just worked on, which will make her more powerful. Or she only does it with intention and/or absolutely wonderfully. Also, one of her bigger roles, playing Rue in Euphoria, was a very controversial one dealing with a lot of heavy topics, but she did it so well and gracefully, that it gave her a lot of fame and she even got an emmy for her performance. And i feel like Zendaya is a very good example for how to go about with this placement. Be secretive with your life, and don't give people too much space to shit on you. If you do anything in your career or anything of yours is to be shown in public, only give and show your very best. People can get jealous, but they will know to appreciate your hard work. You may use your sexiness and seductiveness, your dark and controversial side but do it with a purpose and intention, and best do it in an artistic context and in a beautiful way.

Saturn in the 6th house: I see Saturn as something or an area where you feel trapped or just persecuted by something. Because the 6th house has a lot to do with health, you may struggle with health issues and feeling like they're trapping you or just feeling no way out of them. As the opposition here is the 12th house, the only way out may be through a lot of hospital visits and maybe even using spirituality to heal your body.

But because the 6th house can also be about your everyday life, resposibilities and routines, you may experience feeling trapped in this area in some way or form. It can be due to societal expectations, because of your kids and husband or the community you grew up in, who and which may make you feel as if you're either trapped in responsibilities you didn't choose or like the things you're doing on an everyday basis aren't really the things that make you happy or would've chosen if you knew better or could've chosen otherwise. I really don't think this necessarily has to do with the work you may choose to pursue as a career, but it can certainly influence how you do it and even if you pursue it, if your everyday life may be preoccupied with other things than work.

Neptune in Scorpio and 3rd house: There may be an issue with illusions and thus betrayal coming from your siblings regarding money, because of wanting to keep certain secrets or for gaining some sort of power in general or specificaly over you. Or you may put illusions on your siblings to try to keep them from seeing certain secrets you keep or know. Of course this can still play out differantly, so please don't get scared, but if you are suspecting anything like this, take it as a hint to maybe be more careful.

Taurus MC: I've noticed this placement having to do with a career in the movie/ film industry. It can be as an actor, director, producer or whatever you may prefer doing. You may focus a lot on the aesthetic part of this artform. The placement of your venus may say a lot about in which way specificaly you may be involved in this industry. Venus in the first house, especialy with virgo, may be more into directing as the self is more in focus and you need to be able to organize people with confidence. Venus in the 5th house may be more into acting, especialy with Venus in Gemini or Cancer. Venus in the 6th house may be more into being a producer, Venus in the 3rd maybe a writer. If this is something you are interested in pursuing and you have this placement, i would recommend you to look more deeply into this.

Water moons: Y'all are about feeling, but every water sign focuses on a different kind of feeling. If well developed i would say: Cancer feels a lot, specificaly for other people and can be very nurturing and empathetic. Scorpio moon likes to go into deep and dark placed and also loves the sexual part of feeling. Pisces moon may be into connecting spiritually through your emotions, being able to perceive things that are outside of the physical or can't be physicaly perceived through your emotions (which could also be collective patterns, etc.).

Mercury conjunct Uranus: THE placement for someone with a high IQ and a lot of talent for things that need a lot of mental agility and being able to think outside the box. This can make you an amazing engineer and great at anything having to do with technology, especialy if it is placed in the 2nd, 6th or 10th house.

North Node in the 8th house: You may go from earning money on your own two feet to inheriting a lot of money or gaining a lot of money through other people, for example through divorce and need to learn to accept that sometimes that is also fine. It may be hard for you to accept this money as you may feel as if you didn't earn it and as such it isn't worth the same. And you aren't wrong, it's different to earn your own money, but you need to find a balance: sometimes inherited money was something your ancestors fought hard for so you wouldn't have to. In thus, it may be only in respect to them to treat it as earned and respectable money. And sometimes we're just lucky in life, and that's fine too. You can enjoy that luck and still be a responsable, "on your own two feet" kind of person. Or you can for example also donate some money or even open your own charity to help other people.

Libra moons: You may feel a sense of security through your interpersonal relationships. It can be your romantic relationships but also your friendships. You need these connections to feel emotionaly stable.

Mars in the 7th house: TW: Fighting and Abuse! I hate to admit this because it is something i need to work on, but i tend to fight a lot in relationships instead of just normaly addressing issues or breaking up if i just don't feel satisfied. I of course never get physical because i'm not that kind of person, but i feel like this could defenately indicate that. And honestly, i secretly like the drama of it, because it brings a kind of passion into the relationship. This has probably to do with some kind of childhood trauma of me thinking fighting is a form of love. But sadly, it also fits this placement, as Mars is Aggression. Maybe someone can relate, and if you do: we understand each other but i also need to tell you that we both need to work on this. There are other ways of creating passion in a relationship, and even though fighting can be normal and healthy, fighting every time you have an issue isn't really ideal. And if you have gotten physical in a relationship before: yes that's shitty and you should bear the concequences for it. But i will not just shame you for it, because i want you to look at the issue so you can heal and learn. That's the only way we as humans can evolve. So please: learn to take accountability so you can get better. Also: Maybe you should try to learn how you can create passion and excitement in your relationships without having to fight or anything like that.

I hope you liked it! Yes, i'm okay. I just love deep topics, and oftentimes they also tend to be of darker nature. Just a Scorpio Mercury at it's best. Lot's of love and till next time: stay safe!

[cld9writes]

✩that tight little dress✩ - namjoon x reader kinktober #2

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day two - roleplay

reader! afab!reader, fem!reader

word count! 1.9k words

tags! roleplay, wall sex, unprotected sex (don't do that.), dirty talk, self-indulgent degradation

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The man across the bar is staring at you like he’s starving. Deep, dark eyes slowly roaming over your body, lips pressed together in an attempt to keep from drooling. His finger strokes across the top of his thigh nervously. The deep red dress that hugs your figure is drawing him in, begging him to come over and flirt with you. Begging him to come over and take you back to his place. He wants to get to know every inch of your body, to rip that dress off and figure out who you are.

That’s the storyline, anyway.

You’ve decided to try something different with your boyfriend. You wouldn’t have guessed it when you started dating, but him being into roleplay made more sense as time went on. You’ve tried tons of different scenarios- college professor and his student dying for extra credit, massage therapist, royalty and their favorite suitor, forbidden lovers. But never pretending to be strangers. It seemed a little odd to him at first- why would you want to fuck a stranger when he’s right at home? But then you explained it to him-

You get the thrill and rush of feeling like you’re doing something naughty, something new. But you have the guaranteed safety net and emotional closeness of your pre-existing relationship. Once it became less about strangers and more about thrill-seeking, he was a hundred percent on board.

That’s what brought you to this dark nightclub. In your tight little dress, in your light little heels, with your tight little pussy aching to be stuffed full of cock. But you haven’t “met” him yet, so that’s entirely out of the question. At least let the man buy you a drink before he lets him take you home. 

The tall man practically glides over to you, standing a stool away from you. He waits for your eyes to meet him before 

“I know you probably don’t want to hear it from me, but you look stunning.” He opens. You smile, heart fluttering now that the scene has truly started. You giggle, trying to cover up the nerves.

“Thank you! I wanted to look nice tonight, but stunning is even better.”

“For tonight?” He wonders. “You have something special going on? I wouldn’t want to impose.” 

“I’m supposed to meet up with some friends.” You shrug, as if these non-existent friends are more party buddies than true confidants. “But don’t worry about imposing- I'd Much rather talk with you. I’m Y/N. What’s your name?”

“Kim Namjoon.” He smiles, sitting in the barstool next to you. “You have a lovely name, Y/N.”

You two continue to play the scene out over drinks. It’s fun to pretend to be these alter egos. It’s not anything special, but seeing how different your dynamic could’ve been if you met differently, or were different people, is certainly interesting. It doesn’t take long before you’re both slightly sick of the acting, though, and want to get to a different kind of fun. Namjoon breaks the silence first and clears his throat.

“Are you still meeting with your friends?” He asks. You roll your eyes, drinking the rest of your whiskey. 

“No, I’m not.” You say, completely indifferent. “Why?” Namjoon finishes his own drink before responding.

“I was wondering if you’d like to rest at my place. I’d hate for you to go home alone, and I’m sober enough to drive.”

“Why wouldn’t I just go back to mine? Make you drop me off?” You say indignantly. Something in his eyes shifts. They seem sharper, more direct. Your stomach clenches at the change.

“Because we both know what you really want,” He whispers, leaned in right next to your ear. “And I certainly can’t let you go home unsatisfied.” And that’s all it takes. Within minutes, you’ve paid the tab and left the bar.

He drives you back to “his” place, touching you the whole way. For just a moment, he dips his hand down between your legs. He doesn’t touch you, mind you, he wouldn’t dare risk fucking you in the back seat. But the closeness, the hovering, the heat of his fingers. It all makes you bite the inside of your cheek and clench your thighs together. He’s pleased with this reaction and places his hand back on top of your leg. 

He barely manages to get you through the front door before his hand has fully slipped inside your dress. He thought about you while you were walking up the stairs, but he’s fed up now. He just wants to touch you, to feel how wet you are for him. His long fingers slide over the slick bottom of your panties and he relishes in just how soaked you are.

“This worked up over a man you just met.” He clicks his tongue disapprovingly. “Shameful little girl, aren’t you?”

“Don’t be such an a-ass.” You snap, trying your best not to stammer. He’s not making it easy. He slips your panties to the side and sticks a finger inside your soaked cunt, testing the waters. The way your walls ache to clench around it tells him you need more. Ever the gentleman, that’s exactly what he gives you.

He pulls you into a kiss, the taste of whiskey still strong on his tongue. You moan into the kiss, grinding your clit down against the rough palm of his hand. He follows suit, moving his hand in small, controlled circles as he finger-fucks you. 

“I can’t wait to go to bed” He huffs. “Just let me fuck you right here.” 

“I don’t know… what if you drop me?” You know he won’t. He’s fucked you up against the wall pleanty of times. But you wanna hear him assure you.

“I never would. Trust me, I’d have to be one stupid bastard to let you fall. You’ve trusted me this much, and I know you’re aching for some cock. Just trust me one more time.” He slips a hand under your thigh, stroking your soft skin as he awaits your okay. 

“Fine.” You sigh. “Pick me up.” 

Without hesitation, he does just that. He hoists you up against the wall, holding you in one arm and pressing the two of your bodies into the wall for added support. After miraculously removing his clothing from the waist down, he taps the sides of your thigh 

You sling your legs over his hips, finally letting him support your weight. He teases your folds with the tip of his cock, fat head threatening to break you as it pushes in. You moan behind bitten lips, almost drowning out the growled “fuck” that slips out of the man before you.

His thick cock fits nearly perfectly within your plush pussy. Despite acting like you’ve never met, it’s clear your cunt has molded to his shape. It’s like he’s been designed to fill you up and hit all those spots every time. The perfect cock, all for you. 

Namjoon kisses you again, pushing you further into the wall as he begins thrusting. Because of the curl in your stomach, he’s instantly rubbing up against your g-spot. He fucks you hard and slow, desperate to feel each moan of yours vibrate on his lips.

“You’re such a slut. He spits between kisses. “You let a man you’ve never met rawdog you in his entryway? What a shame…” 

“I’m not a slu-” You attempt to protest. He chuckles and kisses you, swallowing your response.

He drops his hands down to your pussy, playing with your clit as he fucks you. The double stimulation is incredible, it’s got your mind going blank as he pushes you against the wall against and again. You’re probably going to have bruises on your shoulder blades but it doesn’t matter.

The sex is filthy. You can’t stop moaning, you can’t shut up. Your pussy is sopping wet, and each thrust fills the air with disgustingly lewd noises. Your creamy cunt is dripping everywhere, soaking his upper thighs and dripping out onto the floor. He’s teasing your clit like he isn’t pounding into your stomach, like you aren’t already about to cum. You’re babbling, going on and on about how good it feels and how happy you are it’s his cock filling you up. He tries to shut you up with kisses, but he’s getting drunk off your ramblings and can’t stop.

“You’re shameless…ngh- fuck!”

“Mhm! Mhm!” You nod desperately. You are. You’re clawing at the fabric of his shirt, desperate to get even closer. You want his dick in your stomach, in your throat. You want to be able to taste it from where it stands. Because his fingers and his cock have turned you into some kind of freak and you just want more of it.

“I’m g-gonna cum!” You pant. “Gonna cum s-soon~!” He speeds up a little bit, both his pelvis and fingers. You reach your climax, screaming in pleasure as you cream over his throbbing cock. He fucks you through your high, not giving a single shit about how sensitive you may be or how this may end for him.

Your legs shake and squeeze his sides as you ride out your orgasm, desperate for more and for it to be over at the same time. He’s still pounding into you relentlessly, and he grabs your jaw to make you look at him.

“You see how good that felt? See how good it feels to be a slut for me? You think anyone else could’ve given you that tonight? No one else would’ve bothered. But I took care of that cunt of yours. You got that?”

“Yes, sir.” 

“Sir? Aren’t you ob- fucking hell- obedient-!” His hard persona is faltering, and you can tell it’s because he’s getting close to finishing himself. He can only take so much, but his hand falls right back to teasing your clit and swollen lips. He’s desperate for you to enjoy it for just as long as he does.

Your cumming has made it difficult for him, though. The extra warmth, softness, and tightness makes it feel like you’ve become a succubus, and he wants nothing more than to give his soul to you.

His thrusts are becoming erratic and sloppy. He’s chasing a high he’s far too close to, desperate to cum inside you. Desperate to defile that perfect cunt. His breathing is ragged and fast, he sounds like he’s been running for hours. And you still can’t get a single word out. You try. You try and you try. But the pounding of his cock and his fingers on your swollen clit make the words catch in your throat and come out and moans, curses or whines. Because all you can feel, all you’re aware of.

You two end up finishing at the same time. You reach a second orgasm, creaming all over his thick shaft. This is what finally does it for him, and he finishes inside of you. You feel your insides flood with hot, sticky cum  as he leans against the wall to support your weight. His thighs are shaking against yours, and he’s trying to control his breathing. He swallows hard, trying to calm down before speaking.

“I’m so glad I met you.” He sighs, a smile tugging at his lips. He’s not acting anymore. This is much deeper, much more real. You smile, dropping your head in lieu of giving him a hug. 

“I’m glad I met you, too.” 

You come to an unspoken agreement to stay like that for just a second longer. Just until you can stand on your own again.

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and that's day two. this one is a little more disjointed cuz i literally banged this out in under two hours. sorry about that. hope y'all enjoyed tho <3

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[nothingtherefornow]

About Evil teenagers antagonists in Miraculous

I currently wonder how can some fans still want a redemption for somoene like Chloé who willingly hurt people just because that's was her definition of "fun".

Why not accept Chloé as somoene evil ? Just because she's 14 years old ? Just because Gabriel was worst than her doesn't take away the fact that Chloé is a truly bad person who has the potential to become as evil, if not worse than Gabriel while growing up.

Even in real life, adults are not the only ones who are capable of cruelty and crimes. If only adults were capable of monstrosity, I wouldn't have 14-year-olds killing each other with callache nikoffs in the drug trafficking districts of my city. we wouldn't have young people beating up little ones and pushing others to suicide and absolutely not regretting their actions. And we wouldn't have stories to raise eyebrows about kids capable of committing murder and acts of torture without necessarily having been abused in their lives.

To me, anyone who loves to make others suffer for their own sick pleasure (and their victims are people who objectively don't deserve such cruelty) has serious mental issues and can be a danger to others.

Both Chloé and Lila love to make others people suffer or don't care about hurting innocents, and they certainly don't feel any empathy for anyone, or in Chloé's case, no longer feel any empathy (she may have felt sympathy and empathy for Adrien at some point, like during the episode Felix in season 3, but that's definitly no longer the case as soon as Adrien asked her to stop being a biatch). Maybe Lila may feel a form of attachment toward her mothers, yet that doesn't stop her from manipulating them and fooling them in a way that's pretty cruel if you dig deeper in Lila's scale of truancy and imposterization.

I know that technically when a 14 year old kid behaves like Lila and Chloé we could say to ourselves that it is unfair to give them no chance and to condemn them when they are only 14-15 years old and could change for the better if they could be guided on the right path.

But Miraculouse is a show in which the superheroes with the fate of the world in their hands are 14 year old kids. And as such in this fictitious reality, other 14 year olds are perfectly likely to become real cruel and threatening villains i without any scruples, especialy if they are influenced by the wickedness of an adult supervillain.

And I believe that Gabriel's evilness only made Chloé's and Lila's wickedness worse.

He put those two girls in positions of power where they could hurt others and act according to their darkest and Manichean impulses. And Lila and Chloé would only want more taste of that power to crush others. And you know how power easilly corrupt the most greedy hearts.

On several occasions, Gabriel even approved of Lila and Chloe's horrible plans and actions. He has encouraged Lila on numerous occasions to "get rid of" Marinette, thus giving the impression that he supports Lila's jealousy, and during collusion he will have the nerve to say that Chloé's ideas, which consist literally ruining the academic future of your classmates and putting your pregnant teacher in jail for no good reason are good ideas. Having a rich adult in a position to approve of their actions in this way will only have given Lila and Chloe the feeling that their acts of cruelty and malice are justified, and thus reinforced their evil nature.

On several occasions we have seen Chloe and Lila voluntarily let themselves be akumatized, and worse than that, we have seen them plan to be akumatized (Chloe in Penalteam, and Lila in Revelation) and not for understandable reasons like that of a desperate Jalil brainwashed by lies on social media. Because Lila and Chloe have only ever been motivated by their narcicism, their ego, and their desire to get revenge on people they hate for the most pettiest, vain and selfish reasons possible.

Lila and Chloé may be kids, but they are evil teenagers, because they would gladly become supervillain if that means getting what they want. And what they want is anything but noble. For their selfish goals, Lila and Chloé were willing to endanger the city they live in and all its inhabitants. I don't even know if I can still call Lila and Chloé kids or teenagers, with how far they're willing to go and hurt people for the sake of their ambitions.

Although there's still the possibility that Lila may be an adult with a youngfull appearance or a hormonal abnormality making her look like a teenager when she could be an adult. But that would risk making her a pedophile so I don't think the show will go that far ^^ At most they could give her the same as Théo Barbot

But an antagonist adult would be needed then to balance an antagonist teenager supervillain.

Good thing we still have Tomoe Tsurugi then

It's tragic that Chloé and Lila wickedness and evilness could be due to serious mental issues or Chloé's bad upbringing, and the show may have decided that it's more important to protect others from the harm Chloé and Lila can cause rather than to prioritize "helping" them with their issues. Both Marinette and Adrien proposed another path for Chloé to chose, one that could have helped her heal from the emotional and mental wounds her mother's abandonment and neglect. Chloé instead chose Hawkmoth's/Monarch

Ladybug offered Lila her friendship, and Adrien also offered Lila to be there for her as long as she didn't hurt those he loved. Yet both Lila and Chloe voluntarily chose to continue committing bad deeds and hurting others, regardless of the fact that someone reached out to them and offered them another path to get love, acknowledgement and recognition from people. Adrien and Marinette don't have to sacrifice their mental health for people who wish them harm, so I understand very well that it wasn't and won't be their priority to help Chloé and Lila find potential redemption. And especially when Lila and Chloe seem determined to refuse to change and continue to cling to their wickedness.

It should be the adults responsabilities to deal with Chloé and Lila issues, and unfortunatelly the adults in Miraculous are pretty lousy and incompetents. It's very tragic when we don't know that one kid is a psychopath, and if another has always gotten away with his narcissistic behavior disorder and nothing had ever been done to help them deal with that issue, that only leaves the opportunity for the seed of evil in these kids to germinate and flourish, and then reach the level of nastiness that is more often found in adults.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

We're finally at the final (thank the gods)! Things that we talked about that I haven't seen discussed:

Nathalie trying to kill Gabriel is such bullshit. "You can't do this! You'll hurt someone!" Nathalie, you have known that since day one! You knew he was working on this all season and you're good now! Why are you only trying to kill him now? You were healthy most of the season! You even physically pinned him! Oh, right, because you're not actually good. It's all just "better than thou" lip service. Hypocrisy is the easiest way to make us dislike a character and Nathalie's a massive hypocrite, so we're not fans.

Evil Nathalie was pretty fun. "Good" Nathalie is aggravating and has as lackluster a redemption as they gave Felix or perhaps even more lackluster. Felix at least switched for love of Kagami. Nathalie switched because Gabriel didn't heal her even though she had zero knowledge that he truly had a chance to do so (she wasn't there and Gabriel has never given up an opportunity to save Emilie so that he could chase Ladybug before). Adrien was never Nathalie's motivation or else we would have seen her protest things like Gorizilla, Style Queen, and Chat Blanc.

Moving on!

The mass teleport to Ladybug should have killed everyone because the whole world is supposed to be after her. A couple billion people teleporting to the same location should mean people squish each other or that portals open over each other/on top of people. Just saying. Budget saved her life because Mirauclous' Earth has a teeny tiny population due to rendering costs.

SO was mad how anticlimactic the final fight between Marinette and Gabe feels. Oh two people who barely interacted, have minimal personal connection, and always hated each other are fighting? Such a big moment! I'm so invested! He talked about how other shows build up to moments like this by making the villain terrifying or by making the villain and the hero have a strong, personal connection or even by making the fight super fun to watch, but miraculous did none of that. SO seriously didn't care about the fight at all and, to be honest, neither did I when I first watched it. I only tuned in when Marinette detransformed and I went, wait, wtf are you doing?

We get to all the scenes with heroes in other locations and SO paused the show every few seconds to ask me who tf person X was. Fei resulted in multiple pauses because of her varied forms. So I can confirm that the casual viewer totally followed this part and it was a wonderful addition (that's sarcasm, btw). He did ask "why would the French say that they need a bunch of Americans to win?" Which I though was pretty funny. That's certainly one way to read the Americans showing up!

SO works in IT. He was so mad that the laptop wasn't remotely wiped after it was lost/Lila stole it. And why does it have access to the Agreste mansion and not just the police robots? I thought Tsurugi corp was a tech company? This is all security 101.

SO's final thoughts: well that was soulless. I feel nothing. I can see why you're so done with this show.

Credit where it's due: while the final was massively disappointing from a story perspective and while I don't think Caline Bustier was written like a good teacher for anyone above the age of 5, it is really cool to show a pregnant woman run for office, win, and then be allowed to do her job with her baby in tow without any of that being treated as a joke. That's a really powerful thing for a young child to see and I'm glad it was included even Caline would make a terrible mayor in real life.

[avelera]

"I read it to find out what the fuss was about, and remained somewhat puzzled; it seemed a lively kid’s fantasy crossed with a school novel, good fare for its age group, but stylistically ordinary, imaginatively derivative, and ethically rather mean-spirited."

- Ursula K. Le Guin

It's been understandably popular to take pot-shots at Harry Potter lately because of JK Rowling's truly disgusting and reprehensible comments lately. This quote above by Le Guin, which I agreed with even while a teenager, got me thinking about my own views on the series and apropos to nothing, I felt this was a better place to expound upon them than Twitter.

I have a knee-jerk dislike of the very human condition of saying we, "Always knew something," after the fact, that we "Always knew" someone problematic™️ was problematic or we always knew this thing that was popular was Bad Art after it became less popular. I find it intellectually dishonest.

So I'll preface all of this by saying: I had minor issues with the Harry Potter series back when it came out that went against the mainstream view of it, in that I thought it had many good qualities as a book series, but not enough to warrant its popularity compared to other, similar YA and fantasy series. I was genuinely baffled by its superstar popularity but as a fantasy book reader in the days before it was easy to access online fandom, I would take what I could get and I certainly didn't mind fangirling about Harry Potter stuff with friends even if it wasn't my #1 favorite series of all time. I enjoyed the fanfic for Harry Potter immensely so that allowed me to sort of blend in with those who enjoyed its popularity. (Special shoutout to MY favorite Harry Potter book of all time, "Harry Potter and the Battle of Wills" by Jocelyn over on fanfiction.net, that was MY Harry Potter series lol.)

So here's the thing, it's easy to say, "I always hated Harry Potter" or "I always knew it was trash" and that's a lie. For me, the truth is:

I enjoyed Harry Potter much like I did many of the fantasy series of its day.

What they had going for them was their pacing, whimsy, and inherent mystery structure in the first 3 books. They're fast, fun, easy reads with a likable protagonist. They are not bad books. But as Le Guin says, they're stylistically ordinary and imaginatively derivative. There's a lot of books like them.

I did not think the books were better than Pratchett, or Gaiman, or Garth Nix, or Dianne Wynn Jones, or any of the many other fantasy authors I was reading at the time. I was confused by their popularity as compared to better books like Pratchett's Discworld which, while popular, never got a theme park made for them in terms of order of magnitude popularity.

Now, JK Rowling on the other hand I had some issues with from the start, if not the ones that emerged later with her being a bigot. It is worth mentioning for the sake of intellectual honesty that decades ago, she gave a lot to charity and was a voice for tolerance in the early 00's when Bush/Blair, the Iraq War, etc were in full swing. It makes it all the more heartbreaking and baffling to see her swing towards bigotry on LGBT+ issues. Truly, a lot of young people first learned to stand up to fascism and be accepting of those different from them because of Harry Potter, just like they did reading the Ender's Game series by Orson Scott Card, and in both cases it's absolutely heartbreaking and so very confusing to see these authors fall to the very dark side they wrote against in their books. I have no answer for how or why this happened. I don't say this to make an excuse for either of them, simply to express confusion and mourn the loss of someone who was once a voice for some level of good in the world.

Now, my issues with JK Rowling were writerly, and they are the ones I feel somewhat empowered to say I "always knew" and "always had an issue with" and that, like the worst sort of hipster, "I talked about before it was cool".

Really my dislike began when JKR very famously said in the early 00s that she didn't read any fantasy before writing Harry Potter. Considering how derivative it is (heck, Neil Gaiman already had a YA series about a black-haired wizard boy with a scar) it left one wondering if she was lying or she truly was that ignorant in the genre in which she wrote. Either way, not a good look, and it soured me towards her pretty permanently as an author.

Terry Pratchett, the author I would actually follow into Hell, criticized her for this comment and got a lot of flack for it, asking how in the world she could not realize she was writing fantasy. This solidified my opinion of her as something of a hack, even if she had stumbled upon a winning story. Neil Gaiman also chimed in saying he didn't feel ripped off but seemed to tacitly agree with Pratchett that her lack of institutional knowledge about fantasy was odd.

As a big fantasy fan of the early 00s, I can say that fantasy was still a bit of a forbidden genre (at least in the Anglosphere), one not taken seriously. So for JK Rowling to be asked if she wrote fantasy had a layer of nuance, basically she was being asked if she meant to write a fantasy novel, ie, in a "lesser" genre, barely above dime story penny dreadfuls in value.

No one literary would admit to writing fantasy at the time, it was a whole thing where if you admitted to writing fantasy you were "downgraded" as an author in terms of prestige (Stephen King went through a lot of this). BUT, if a fantasy book achieved popularity, it was labeled as "literary" so the literary folks could claim ownership of the quality genre fiction, and never have to admit that "literary" is a genre and not a mark of quality (a deep-seated rage button issue for me and a rant for another day).

So when JK Rowling said, "She didn't know she was writing fantasy." That meant something. And what it meant was she was throwing the rest of the genre under the damn bus. With her visibility she could have helped actively tear down the biases against fantasy (something she did indirectly with the popularity of her books). Or she could have simply had humility and said she wasn't as versed in the genre as she should be given where her book ended up being shelved, but there's a lot of good works there and she's honored to be among them.

She did neither. She stuck to her ignorance (what would become a common trait of hers, apparently) and did very little to elevate others in the genre, or the genre itself, and indeed, seemed to try to distance herself from it in what was the safe move at the time.

I cannot stress enough how intellectual dishonest, arrogant, and safe it was for popular writers who got dubbed "literary" when they were in fact writing genre fiction to cleave to that title of literary, guard it jealously, and refuse to acknowledge that literary is a genre of its own, not a mark of quality. To be labeled "genre fiction" was to be considered "lesser" and that stigma is still out there, though much lessened by the wave that began with the Lord of the Rings movies, Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, and the Marvel films making so much money and really setting up genre fiction to at least be seen as lucrative if not artistic. We have come a long way from how fantasy was viewed 20 years ago.

JK Rowling also said she wrote no other books before Harry Potter. That's another puzzling instance where either she's lying, sold her soul to the Devil (and hey, maybe she did and he's collecting by making her turn into a frothing bigot), or was simply a more lucky and less skilled writer than people realized. Every writer has a closet full of short stories and novels they've written before publishing their first work. I can't stress enough how bizarre it is for her to claim she never wrote anything else before putting pen to paper with Harry Potter, that simply does not happen. Then again, her later books make it seem more likely that is true.

Writerly aside, but JK Rowling is utter garbage at structure. She lucked into the perfect scaffolding for a basic plot with the Harry Potter school year, but as Fantastic Beasts and her other, non-school based plot structures reveal, she didn't realize what a crutch that was for her because the woman does not and has not learned how to build a plot that isn't strung up on the structure of a school year for building tension and story beats.

Look, JK Rowling has always been a weird author. She really did come out of nowhere in terms of previous works. She doesn't acknowledge her peers in the genre that built her fortune, not even to confess that while she didn't know about them, she's now learning about a wonderful rich genre out there. She went the other direction and disavowed fantasy (it's possible she backtracked since and had nice things to say about the fantasy genre, I'd love to hear it if so).

There was in fact always subtle bigotry and a ton of tokenism in the Harry Potter books. That said, in the 90s, that was pretty par for the course, and she deserved some kudos for making the books so explicitly about fighting fascism, even if I'm not sure she fully understood her own themes.

To say these books were unpopular or that they had no writerly merit at all is intellectually dishonest. They were popular for a reason, mostly because they're fun. However, they were not unique, there were many like them, she got very lucky and it's bizarre how little she's acknowledged this or her peers. Of all the negative tendencies any human has, I'm shocked and dismayed that her tendency to stick to her ignorance like she did with the wider fantasy genre is the one that won out and was transferred to LGBT+ issues, to the point of doing active damage to her works and brand. But as her attempts to branch out from Harry Potter have further confirmed, JK Rowling was always a stylistically ordinary writer. Her mean-spiritedness didn't stand out as much in the 90s but it absolutely does now and it's ugly how she leaned more into sticking with the moral heights she reached at that time rather than trying to learn and grow as a person.

JK Rowling went full Whedon and figured because she was slightly ahead of the curve in the late 90s that she had nothing more to learn and it hurts when people who are creative, people whose job it is to have empathy for other walks of life, never learn or grow and stick to their old laurels that are increasingly out of date. I personally don't think myself as a hardcore Harry Potter fan, I have no horse in this race for the redemption or lack thereof of JK Rowling or the book series. I can only offer my view as a fantasy writer and someone who grew up through the cultural phenomenon of these books.

But, as usual, Ursula Le Guin was right, I agreed with her then, and her words have only borne out more and more with time.

[just-call-me-angel]

Do You Want Fries With That?

Warning(s): degradation, slut shaming, Brian is icky and i want him in my bed, fingering, AFAB! Reader, Unsafe sex, party, underage drinking, smoking (cigarettes), let me know if there's warning I missed and I'll add it <3

Author's Note: My brother's in Christ thank you so much for your patience with me, I think I've finally gotten my writing inspo back which is poggers (Of course the first fic I post in a bit is a Brian Willcox fic because I have terrible taste in men)

Summary:  “You afraid you’ll actually like fucking someone as disgusting as me?” Bingo. Bullseye. Checkmate. Winner winner chicken fucking dinner.

Ao3

“Oh my god (Y/N) you should totally go flirt with him.” 

You tilt your head at Jessie, brows furrowed as you follow her line of sight to the greasy dark-haired boy standing at the counter—you recognize him from school, not by name of course, but you’d seen him in the halls or in his car smoking and skipping class. 

You frown, nose scrunching as you look back at Jessie, “Why would I do that?”

“Because it would be funny duh” she responds with a giggle, shoving her unfinished drink to the side. 

Maddy nudges your side,"I bet if you showed him a little bit of cleavage he'd cream his pants–" 

"Guys I don't know–" 

Kirsten rolls her eyes, "Come on, don't be such a fucking stick in the mud its just a little bit of harmless fun." 

You bite your cheek, fidgeting with the end of your skirt as you glance again at the boy behind the counter. He’s not bad looking in your opinion—but he’s not exactly the type of guy you’d usually go for. 

Still you can’t help but appreciate his looks a bit—he’s tall and lanky, nearly 6 feet tall if the height difference between him and his coworker is anything to go by. His black hair comes down to his shoulders and you get the feeling that he doesn’t really do much to take care of it—-and you hate that he pulls the look off so easily. 

Usually he’d be wearing all black so it’s a little jarring to see him in the bright yellow Mickey’s uniform—but he’s still got a long sleeved black shirt under it and his usual black leather bracelets buckled around his wrists. His pants are baggy around his waist, barely kept up by his fraying belt and you can just barely see the long chain hanging against one leg. 

If you’re completely honest he’s actually more your type than the guys you usually went out with—-you don’t admit that to your friends of course. 

“Come on (Y/N) you’d be doing him a favor— he isn’t exactly a chick magnet” Maddy chirps, brushing your hair behind your ear a bit. 

Jessie leans over the table, “Come on don’t be a prude—”  

You pout, “I’m not being a prude—”

“Sure had us fooled—” Kirsten teases, giving you a pointed look, “We’re not even asking you to go fuck the guy.”

The girls look at you expectantly and you instantly feel powerless, biting your cheek and averting your gaze as you shift to the edge of the booth, “Sorry I was being stupid—you guys are totally right it’s not even a big deal.” you force a giggle, smiling as you get up from the table.

Jessie smacks your ass and winks as you pass, “Remember to show a little cleavage—”

You weren’t a mean girl—-or at least you liked to think so—but you hang out with mean girls. In fact, that's what the majority of your friend group consists of—mean, bitchy, popular girls who found joy in putting others down and the asshole jocks they liked to screw around with.

And you blindly follow them—-at this point it’s hard to even make excuses for yourself. It was social suicide to stand up to them and as much as you hated the way they treated people, you also weren’t willing to give up the social status you had gained from them—who were you to complain when they had basically taken you under their wing when you moved to town in your freshmen year.

Really you were no better than them—so maybe you were a mean girl.

You were certainly on track to making that a proven fact as you made your way towards the counter to do as your friends had instructed. It's just a little bit of harmless fun––just flirt and embarrass him a little and be done with it.

The boy, whose name you still couldn't remember, had his back turned so he didn't notice you at first. His coworker—possibly another classmate—glances at you, brows furrowed for a moment before he gestures for the black-haired boy to look in your direction. He turns to you grumbling something about how much he hated his job, and for a moment you consider turning back. 

He stares dumbly at you, brows furrowing as he speaks in a very flat and bored tone, “Welcome to Mickey’s I’m Brian how can I help you.” 

Brian––you do vaguely remember hearing that name being tossed around—it seems so very fitting for him, though you can’t say you could possibly imagine another name for him.

You glance back at your friends—Maddy gives you a thumbs up, Jessie winks at you making a gesture like she’s encouraging you to show off your tits a bit more—Kirsten holds your gaze for a few seconds like she’s daring you to turn back. 

Fuck it—it was just a little harmless fun–-so what if that made you a mean girl. 

You turn to look at Brian again, giving him your best smile, honey-sweet and flirty as you lean forward, palms flat against the counter, chest on full display for Brian (and his coworker) to see. He seems almost completely unfazed, glancing at you with a look somewhere between boredom and annoyance.

He hardly even looks down at your chest, green eyes flitting down for the briefest of moments. Most men spent a good majority of their interactions with you just staring at your chest—especially after you hit puberty—god you still remember the exact moment boys started to look at you differently. So having a boy suddenly ignore you like this was—odd to say the very least. 

His eyes are a little slower in the way they drag back up from your chest to meet your eyes once more, still bored as ever as you lean in a little more, biting your lower lip in the way that always seemed to drive guys mad, “We go to school together don’t we?” 

He stares at you for what feels like ages and then shrugs, offering you nothing more than a grunt. You take it in stride, though it does throw you off a bit the way he doesn’t seem at all affected by your advances. Men were usually so simple, so easy to crack, a few flirty glances and they all fell to their knees in an instant.  Brian at his core is like any other man, just show him a little skin and he’ll crumble like all the rest. 

You giggle despite him having not said a word—it only seems to annoy him more as he rolls his eyes at you and sighs heavily, "Can I help you?"

You bob your head to the side, and smile thoughtfully, “Maybe—ya know I’m surprised I haven’t noticed you before, you’re kinda cute.” 

"Listen I’m gonna stop you right there, I know your type and im not interested" 

You blink at him, laughing awkwardly, "I don't know what you mean by that Brian."

He rolls his eyes, crossing his arms and huffing, "You think that just because you're a pretty girl that you can do whatever you want and get away with it—"

You stammer, face going red as you try to deny his accusation, but he talks over you.

"Let me guess, your friends dared you to come over here and put on a little show for me—see if I'd embarrass myself for your entertainment? You must be really fucking full of yourself if you think I wouldn't see right through your little nice girl act—"

"I—I wasn't—that's not why—"

He doesn't seem at all interested in hearing your excuses and honestly you don't even know what to say. 

"Listen Princess, I'm sure you're used to every other loser you fuck with giving you what you want and you probably think you're doing them some kind of favor but I'm not fucking interested, so either order or get fucking lost." 

You bite down on your bottom lip, swallowing a whimper as you blink back tears and Brian stares at you with disdain, the hint of a smirk on his lips as his coworker snickers behind him. You glance back at your friends and they’re all laughing at you—Kirsten in particular looks especially pleased by this turn of events as she points and giggles.

It shouldn’t surprise you as much as it does that their cruelty has been turned towards you—that’s just how they are sometimes. They only wanted someone to laugh at so they could feel like they were above it all—it didn’t matter that it was you they were throwing under the bus—you just needed to learn to take a fucking joke.

You don’t even fault them for it anymore and come tomorrow this would be a thing of the past and you would go back to following them blindly. But for now you have to focus on not crying in front of them all—especially Brian. 

“So what’s it gonna be Princess? Are you gonna order something or do you want me to keep embarrassing you in front of your friends?” He sneers, crossing his arms as you finally look at him,  “Or are you one of those girls that get off on being humiliated?” 

No—absolutely fucking not—you weren’t enjoying this—

He bobs his head to one side and lets his eyes drag over your body—it’s different from the way boys usually look at you—and it definitely should not make you feel hot between your thighs. His eyes drag back up to meet yours and you shiver, biting down a quiet choked gasp.

After a minute of struggling to think of a response all you can manage is a weak, “Fuck you—”

He chuckles darkly, tongue jutting out to wet his lips as he smirks at you, “You want fries with that?”

Your bottom lip trembles and you bite your cheek to keep from crying as you curl your fists at your side and turn on your heels, refusing to look Brian in the eyes as you rush back to your table. Your friends are still laughing, barely trying to muffle their excitement at your humiliation as you grab your bag off of the seat next to Maddy.

“(Y/N) babes, where are you going?” Maddy chirps, just barely hiding her giggle behind her hand. 

“I’m going home—”

Kirsten rolls her eyes, tapping her long nails on the table and sneering at you, “Oh don’t be so dramatic hun it’s not that big of a deal.” 

You shake your head, swallowing the urge to start crying as you try to maintain your dignity, “No it’s not this I just remembered I still haven’t finished that paper for History and I want to make sure I have it done before that party this weekend.” 

Jessie huffs on the other side of Kirsten, “Oh shit would you do mine? I totally suck at that History crap–”

“Yeah sure—just tell me what your topic was and I’ll get it done before Friday” 

“Awesome! Thanks babes you’re a total lifesaver!” Jessie giggles, “No hard feelings about tonight right?” 

Kirsten gives you a look, brow raised as you look down at your feet sheepishly and laugh nervously, “Yea–yea no hard feelings, it's not even a big deal or anything—I’ll see you tomorrow okay.” 

You don’t even let them finish their goodbyes before you turn tail and head for the exit, heels clicking loudly as you rush to your car. You let out a shaky breath as soon as you close your car door behind you and settle into the front seat. You don’t even know what’s more distressing— the humiliation— or the fact that you actually kind of liked Brian humiliating you. 

You blink away the tears starting to spill down your cheeks and stare through the windshield until you see Brian watching you from inside the restaurant with a smug little smile, green eyes staring right through you like he knew exactly how he was making you feel.

You had never in your life broken so many traffic laws to get home as fast as possible—ignoring the questioning look your father gave you from the living room when you slammed the front door shut behind you. 

You wish you could say that night was the one and only time you went to bed after making yourself cum on your fingers thinking about Brian and the way he had humiliated you. But you couldn’t get him out of your head—it was like your interaction at Mickey’s had turned a dial in your brain and now you notice him everywhere. 

He was driving you fucking nuts and it wasn’t like you could talk to anyone about it—your friends would have a field day if they found out you had the hots for Brian of all people. So you kept it to yourself, hoping the feelings would just go away—-God, you hadn’t felt like this since you first hit puberty. 

It didn’t help that he seemed to know exactly how he was affecting you, always giving you the same smirk whenever he caught you staring at him in the halls at school or while he was smoking by his car. 

Brian isn’t a guy you should get involved with—he was the kind of guy who fucked you like he hated you—-and he had made it abundantly clear that he hated you. Plus it was social suicide to be seen with a guy like him.

Maybe there was something wrong with you because you couldn’t seem to help yourself—you start seeking him out—-you try to convince yourself that it’s just to prove a point—it’s complete bullshit—you wanted him to humiliate you again.

The bell at the front door of Mickey’s jingles and your heels click on the tiled floor as you step into the restaurant. You glance around, pleased to find that there aren’t many people around—at least not anyone you went to school with. 

Brian was once again turned away from you, leaning back against the counter and chatting with the same coworker from last time—his name still escapes you and as horrible as that makes you feel, you can’t really bring yourself to care too much as you stand on the other side of the counter waiting patiently for them to notice you. 

His coworker glances at you clearly both confused and amused that you had returned—you don’t miss the way his eyes drag down your body before he speaks, “Brian you’ve got a customer.” 

Brian groans, stretching his arms out above his head before he turns to face you, he raises a brow at you when he recognizes you, “Look who decided to come back,” he looks past you as if searching the rows of booths and tables for your usual friend group.

You offer him your sweetest smile,” I came alone,” you laugh nervously, “No dare this time I promise”

Somehow it’s almost more humiliating knowing your friends aren’t there with you—-at least then you had the excuse of stupid dare to fall back on—

“Why did you come back then?” He smirks, tilting his head down at you. 

Good fucking question.

You bow your head sheepishly, “I came to apologize—”

“Bullshit” 

You flinch, looking up at him with furrowed brows and flushed cheeks, “Excuse me?”

“You heard me Princess.” He hums, eyes slowly dragging down your body, “I think you came back because you liked being humiliated—”

You stammer,“That’s not why—”

He leans against the counter and still towers over you, “You and I both know that’s bullshit.” 

All you can do is stare at him, blinking stupidly and struggling to speak.

He chuckles, pleased by your dumbstruck look, “I’ve got a break in 15 minutes if you wanna show me why you really came here.” 

“I came to apologize that’s all” you sound far less sure of yourself than you want to as you shake your head and anxiously watch him. 

He raises a brow, tongue swiping out for a split second to wet his lips as he smirks at you, “Come one don’t act all innocent now, I know you came here to get humiliated again—” 

You shake your head again, making yourself a bit dizzy, “That’s not—” 

He leans a little further forward his voice lowering, “You afraid you’ll actually like fucking someone as disgusting as me?” 

Bingo. Bullseye. Checkmate. Winner winner chicken fucking dinner. 

The whimper escapes your lips before you can even swallow it and you freeze instantly, hands trembling at your side as you fight to look away from Brian. He looks shocked for a split second, brows raised and cheeks slightly flushed before his lips curve up into a smug little grin. 

He chuckles darkly, “Well isn’t that cute—”

You can’t even bring yourself to speak—anything you say would probably only humiliate you further. You bite your lower lip and suck in a stuttered breath before turning on your heels, Brian’s laughter echoing behind you as you helplessly rush to your car—once again feeling far too hot between your thighs. 

You figured after your second time being humiliated by Brian that your thirst would be quenched and you could move on with your life—go back to screwing around with mediocre men and letting your friends walk all over you.  But your fixation only seemed to worsen the more you tried to deny it. 

Maddy’s boyfriend Hunter was hosting a big party tonight—that was your opportunity to forget all about Brian—or at least make a damned good attempt at forgetting. 

Except you weren’t exactly fond of the distractions being offered to you tonight. Maddy had been trying to set you up with her boyfriend’s best friend Max for nearly 2 months and you were beyond uninterested at this point. 

So you were adamantly avoiding him—slipping into the crowd of drunk teens and hiding whenever you saw him. You almost felt a little bad—Max wasn’t a bad guy—-though you honestly hadn’t made much of an effort to get to know him so you really couldn’t say that for sure. He was a jock who spent most of his time trying to bore you to death with football stats or trying not so slyly to get into your pants. 

Avoiding Max was made a little less annoying since he was easy to spot when he was twice your size and stood only an inch or two shorter than Brian. Still it was getting a bit tedious having to duck your head every time you saw him enter a room. You wanted to be able to enjoy the party—you’d dressed up in your cutest little slip dress that barely covered your ass—and you were barely getting to show it off because you were too fucking anxious to tell Maddy that you didn’t want to fuck Max.

You poke your head into the kitchen, sighing in relief when you don’t see Max in there waiting for you. You slip past a couple making out by the counter, swiping a red solo cup and pouring the first bottle you can reach into it—as long as it gets you tipsy you honestly don’t care how it tastes at this point.

At least you didn’t have to avoid Brian—he rarely came to these parties—you doubted he was even ever invited on the occasions that he did make an appearance. A part of you foolishly hoped that you would see him—-you weren’t doing a very good job of trying to forget him. 

You sip absently at your mystery drink, eyes darting over the crowd until you spot Jessie and Maddy making their way towards you, smiling and giggling drunkenly.  You do your best to look pleased to see them, raising your cup in silent greeting as they come stumbling into the kitchen.

“(Y/N)! Oh my god you bitch we’ve been looking everywhere for you!” Jessie chirped, words slurring a bit towards the end.

Maddy giggles, leaning heavily against Jessie’s side, “Max has been looking for you too,”

You can’t help but roll your eyes at that, taking another sip of your drink as your eyes dart again over the crowd to make sure Max isn’t coming your way.

Maddy’s nose wrinkles at you and she scoffs, “Ya know you’re being a real bitch avoiding him all the time—” 

“I’m not being a bitch—”

“Yes you are—I don’t even know why I tried setting you guys up, you can’t even appreciate what I did for you”  

You sigh, tension already pulsing in your forehead, “I’m sorry. I just don’t really feel like myself right now—I promise I’m not avoiding him.” 

She squints at you, glancing at Jessie silently communicating with her before looking back at you again, “ Is this about that stupid thing at Mickeys?”

“What—” you sputter, nearly spitting out your drink, “No–it’s not—it’s not about that—I’m just stressed about school I guess I don’t know.” 

Jessie giggles, she's probably the happiest drunk you’ve ever met, “You just need some dick–” she hiccups and tugs on Maddy’s arm, “I wanna go dance”

You give a strained smile, laughing awkwardly, “Maybe you’re right.” 

Maddy seems to have lost interest in scolding you, excited at the offer to dance, “Ooo! Good Idea—(Y/N) stop avoiding Max” 

“Will do—” 

She doesn’t even wait for your answer before she’s dragging Jessie back into the crowd, both of them swaying precariously. Just as you think that you’ve still got a minute to relax before you have to hide again, you spot Max standing near Jessie and Maddy, the two girls instantly pointing in your direction— God this was shaping up to be the worst game of Hide and Seek that you’d ever played. 

You duck your head as quick as you can, darting out of the room and into the hall to find a new place to hide. 

You glance behind you for a second before slipping into a dimly lit room. The door shuts behind you and you lock it with a click, resting your head against the frame with a sigh of relief–-peace at last.

A cough echoes behind you and you nearly drop your cup as you turn to look at whoever you had locked in the room with you. You see a cloud of smoke first, and then as it gets blown out the window you find yourself staring into a pair of familiar green eyes.

"Don't look so disappointed to see me Princess, you'll hurt my feelings" 

You really had the worst luck.

You blinked stupidly at Brian as he sits in front of the window, a nearly finished cigarette perched between his fingers. 

"What are you doing here?"

He snorts, tapping his finger against the cigarette and watching as the ashes fall, "I could ask you the same thing— aren't girls like you supposed to be the life of the party"

You frown, crossing your arms over your chest, "I'm just taking a break"

He nods but doesn't seem at all convinced based on the little smirk he's got, "Your friends ditch you?" 

"No, they just–"

"Ya know I can be pretty good company when I want to be" he hums thoughtfully, putting the cigarette out against the window frame before tossing it carelessly out the window. He stands and even though you've got plenty of space between the two of you, you suddenly feel cornered. 

He takes a step towards you, tilting his head and smirking as his green eyes wander over your body, “I was sorta disappointed that you left so quickly last time we talked—but that little noise you made before you left made it worth it.” 

You whimper, biting your tongue and pressing your back against the door frame as he takes a few more steps closer to you,chuckling, “Who knew you were such a little freak—”

Brian crowds you against the door, one hand resting palm flat next to your head while the other reaches out to brush a stray hair from your face, “What’s it gonna be princess—you gonna stop acting all innocent and let me fuck you—-or do you wanna go back out there and join your pathetic excuse for friends?” 

You scoff, doing your best to look as annoyed as possible despite the heat already pooling in your stomach, “Why would I–-Why would I fuck you?”

“Because you know I’ll fuck you in the way you need to be fucked,” he pauses, relishing in the way your breath stutters, “You want to be ruined don’t you princess—” 

“No I don’t—that’s disgusting—” 

At this point you aren’t even doing a good job of convincing yourself and Brian, like the asshole he is, looks all too smug about it. He drags one hand slowly down your arms until you can feel his fingers slipping beneath the hem of your dress. He hums in appreciation when he brushes over your panties, damp fabric telling him everything he needed to know. 

He leans in a little until you can feel his breath hot against your ear, “Then why are you so wet princess?” 

You whimper and he chuckles, pressing his thumb over your clit for a second before pulling his hand out from under your skirt. He tilts his head at you and rests his hand on your hip, stroking slow circles over the fabric of your dress, “You have a choice to make.” 

You should leave. You should slip out of his arms and go back out to the party. You’d probably have to deal with Max but maybe that was worth it. Or maybe Brian was right—and you hated him for that. More than anything you hated that you still wanted him. 

He’s giving you a way out—-a way to tell him to shove it where the sun doesn’t shine—-a way to maintain what's left of your dignity. And Brian is all too calm about the situation, shifting his leg between your thighs and smiling down at you like he isn’t giving you an impossible choice—-he doesn’t even seem worried that you’ll turn him down. 

Fuck him—fuck this party—fuck your friends—-fuck Max—-

Fuck it—

You don’t say a word, your hand curling into the front of his hoodie as you drag him down, crashing your lips into his before he can stop you. He seems genuinely surprised at first, eyes wide and cheeks flushed—and you almost think that you might have some power over him.

He lets you take control for all of 5 seconds before he presses you a little harder into the door, fingers digging into your hip as he kisses you with a bruising force. 

His lips are softer than you had expected—not that you would ever admit to ever imagining what they might feel like. And he tastes of cigarette smoke, shitty beer, and Mickey’s curly fries—it should disgust you—-more than anything it just makes you disgusted in yourself—and you love it.

You aren’t inexperienced by any means—and yet kissing Brian makes you feel like it's your first time all over again—-he’s rough and all consuming, dragging you impossibly close and leaving you dizzy. 

He moves his hand off of the door behind you, quickly cradling the back of your neck, fingers tangling into your hair. He tugs lightly at first, smirking into the kiss when you gasp and then tugs again a little harder until your mouth falls open in a pathetic little whine. 

“Needy little thing–,”he coos at you, kissing your jaw, “You just need someone to put you in your place don’t you princess?” 

He nips at the underside of your jaw, pressing the rough fabric of his pants against your clothed cunt until you respond with a whimper. You can feel him grin as he presses another kiss to your jaw, “You make such pretty little noises.” he praises, “I’ve barely touched you and you’re already so worked up—you’ve been imagining this haven’t you?” 

You try to shake your head, and he chuckles, “You don’t have to lie princess, we both know you’re just a pretty little whore who likes to get humiliated—otherwise you would have left already.” 

You really shouldn’t let him call you a whore—and you absolutely shouldn’t feel so turned on by it. 

“I’m not—” 

“Not what?” He raises a brow at you, “Not a whore?” You shake your head and he narrows his eyes at you, tugging your hair again until you let out a choked whine. 

“No—i’m not a whore—”

He tilts his head, “Then leave, because I’m not here to treat you nicely,” his fingers grip your hip harder, dragging you forward until his knee is once again pressed firmly against your cunt, “If you stay here I’ll show you exactly how much of a needy little whore you really are.” 

It’s not even a threat at this point, it's a promise. You don’t move an inch, still firmly pressed against the door despite him having loosened his hold on you slightly. He’s giving you another opportunity to leave and instead of taking it like you know you should—you roll your hips against his leg with a whine. 

Brian hums, “See that wasn’t so hard,” he pauses, tugging your hair and forcing you to tilt your head to look at him—His dark hair hangs over his face, just barely hiding the way his green eyes darken as he stares back at you, “You gonna let me ruin you?” 

It’s pathetic how quickly you submit to him with a quiet whimper, “Please—” 

He grins wolfishly, pushing you back against the door and grinding his knee between your thighs one more time before moving his hand from your hip back under your dress. He laughs when you let out an airy whine, cunt clenching around nothing as his fingers brush over your dampened panties, “Fuck—you’re soaked—you really need it bad don’t you baby—that why you were being so bratty before?” 

Your bottom lip trembles and you look away sheepishly as he drags his thumb over your clit with a low hum of approval against your collarbone. You bite your tongue, swallowing a moan as you arch into his hand, clinging to his hoodie with trembling hands. 

“You get this wet for all the jocks you spread your legs for”

You want to tell him that you actually haven’t even fucked that many guys—and most of them weren’t even jocks—but he makes it clear he isn’t actually looking for an answer as he works he shoves your panties to the side and runs his fingers over your slick cunt making you inhale sharply before can say a single word.

“I bet they all treat you like a little cumdump don’t they?” he hums, thumb grazing your clit again, “Dumb little thing like you probably begs them to fill you up, right?” 

You whimper, “No–-No—I don’t—I make them use condoms—” 

“Oh yea? Maybe you aren’t as stupid as I thought—” He teased, fingers prodding at your entrance, “I’ll fix that though don’t you worry, I’ll remind you what a dumb little slut you are.” 

“I’m not—”

He clicks his tongue, and bites your shoulder, “Shut up—I don’t wanna hear shit from you unless you’re begging me to fuck you.” 

You fall silent in an instant, save for a choked whine as your cunt clenched around nothing. He drags the thin straps of your dress down your shoulders with his teeth and hums in approval when you move obediently to pull them off your arms, letting the top half of your dress bunch up around your waist. 

His eyes go wide for a second, pupils dilating as he stares at your exposed chest, “You really are a whore—-were you hoping to get some action tonight?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, letting go of your hair in favor of palming one of your breasts, a groan slipping past his lips when he pinches your nipple between his index finger and thumb. 

He drags his tongue down in a slick line between your breasts, chuckling lowly when you shiver, fingers trembling as you grasp his shoulders, “It’s real lucky I found you when I did,“ he groans as his other hand moving again between your thighs, middle finger slowly pressing into you as you let your head fall back against the door with an airy whine of his name. 

 “Holy shit—you’re fucking tight.” 

Your cunt tenses around his finger as he pulls back out and then pushes back in a little faster, this time slipping his middle and index finger in. It pulls the air right out of your lungs and you are reminded very suddenly that no other guy had ever actually finger fucked you—until now. 

Brian had been right about one thing—most guys you hooked up with were strict followers of the hit it and quit it rule and that usually meant they didn’t focus very hard on anything except getting their dicks inside of you. So foreplay wasn’t really something you were used to—unless of course it involved sucking a guy off. 

And now Brian—-of all the people in the world it had to be him—-was quite literally blowing your mind, curling his fingers in your cunt and dragging the most pathetic little noises out of you. 

Brian doesn’t even seem fazed, too busy latching onto your tits and fucking you on his fingers. It was like he didn’t even realize that he was shattering your world—or maybe he did notice and he just didn’t care.

“Jesus—look at you—” his voice is low, nearly a growl as he sucks a bruise onto your chest, “You like having my fingers inside you, don’t you princess?”

You nod, “Feels so—ah—fuck—good—”

A third finger slips into your tight heat and you choke on your words, hand flying up to cover your mouth as you toss your head back against the door. Brian hums, thumb circling your clit, “Shit—you act like you’ve never been fingered before—”

You bite your hand, looking away from him and that’s all the answer he needs as he stares up at you with a devilish smirk.

“Oh that’s just cute—“ he chuckles, jerking his wrist suddenly and driving his fingers a little deeper into your cunt, dragging a broken sob from your lips, “No wonder you’re such a needy little thing,” 

His pace quickens and with every curl of his fingers you could feel yourself being dragged closer and closer to the edge. You can barely think or speak or do anything except whine helplessly, trembling as you cling to his shoulders. Brian relishes in every little sound you make and every weak roll of your hips only seems to spur him on.

“You can’t cum til you beg for it princess,” he warns, pressing an openmouthed kiss to your jaw, “Even pretty little whores like you have to ask for permission.” 

He knows you're close—-so close you can practically taste it. You don’t even try to argue with him—You’re far too focused on the possibility of getting to cum that you can’t be bothered to fight him.

“Ple–please” 

“Aw I think you can do a little better than that princess.” he teases, the pad of his thumb circling your clit, making your cunt clench around his fingers. 

Distantly you consider telling him to fuck off—the words die on your tongue almost as quick as they came. He looks so smug, tilting his head to one side and smirking as you struggle to speak, words escaping you with every drag of his fingers.

“Please—-please Brian”

“I need it—please”

“Please—I’ll do anything—please—”

His hand stills between your thighs and you have to bite down a frustrated whimper as he grins at you, “Admit that you’re just another cockhungry whore and I’ll let you cum.” 

Your breath catches in your throat, “I’m—”

“Go on princess, say it—say ‘I’m a cockhungry whore’” he hums.

“I’m a—I’m a cockhungry—whore.” 

“Atta girl” He groans, wasting little time driving his fingers back into your cunt, dragging you right back to the edge—it happens in the blink of an eye and your entire body shakes with the force of your orgasm. 

Brian is relentless—he drags your orgasm out until you can barely stand, thighs trembling as you cling desperately to him, choked little whines falling from your lips. He fucks you through every minute of it—-making it nearly impossible for your completely come down from the high. 

You fall limp against him, whining pathetically when he keeps toying with your clit and you can hear him laughing through the haze that follows your climax and all you can do is blink stupidly at him. He brings one arm around your waist to keep you steady while the other remains between your thighs. 

He coos at you sweetly “What’s the matter princess? That too much for you.” 

You nod blearily, “sensitive—” 

“We aren’t done yet princess” he hums, dragging his fingers roughly over your clit one more time, chuckling when you let out an airy gasp, “You want my cock don’t you?” 

It’s pointless to deny his question—it wouldn’t sound believable even to you. 

You take a shaky breath, nodding sheepishly and peering up at him with wide eyes. He groans and pulls you closer, lips crashing roughly against yours. The kiss is short and sloppy, but it still takes the breath out of you like the first kiss had and he chuckles at the way you whine when he pulls away. 

He is gentle as he guides you to the bed on the other side of the room, he only teases you once about the way your legs shake as you walk before he helps you sit on the edge of the bed.  

You tilt your head up at him watching curiously as he pulls his hoodie off, tossing it carelessly to the ground. He smirks but doesn’t say a word as he unbuckles his belt, working his pants open enough that he can tug them down to his thighs, dragging his boxers with them. 

You stare, wide eyed and red cheeked at his cock—he’s big—bigger than any guy you’d ever been with. It’s both terrifying and thrilling. 

He raises a brow at you, “What are you waiting for princess, thought you said you were a cock hungry whore?” 

You pout, face burning a little hotter, “I only said that because you wouldn’t let me cum otherwise—”

“You’re a shitty liar, ya know that?” he hums, grabbing your hand and guiding it to his cock before you can pull away, “Look at that, look at those pretty hands on my cock.” 

You whimper at the feeling of his cock warm and heavy in your hands, the bright pink of your nails contrasting brightly off of his skin. 

Brian chuckles at your reaction, hand reaching up to brush stray hairs out of your face, "You were made for this princess— think about what all your little friends would say if they saw you like this—" he traces his thumb over your bottom lip and groans as he  bucks his hips forward pushing his cock against the palm of your hand, "What do you think they'd say, hm?"

"I–I–I don't know—"

"Oh but I think you know exactly what they'd say," he clicks his tongue, pressing his thumb down a little harder on your lower lip, forcing your lips to part, "They'll think you're a whore–"

"No–no they—"

He hisses, shaking his head as he pushes his thumb into your mouth, pressing down on your tongue until you fall silent, save for a quiet whimper, as he reaches down with his other hand to guide your hand along his cock, "They already know you're a whore—they probably knew you'd spread your legs for me didn't they?"

You try to shake your head or pull your hand off his dick but he doesn't let you move an inch that  he doesn't want you to. Brian smiles, guiding your hand back and forth along the length of his cock. You stare at him and then down between the two of you. 

Instinctively you squeeze his cock, a sense of pride rises inside your chest when Brian groans. He presses his thumb back a little farther on your tongue, spit pooling in your mouth and licks his lips as he smirks at you. You squeeze his cock again and after a moment he pulls his hand away from your mouth, grunting as he shoves you back against the mattress. 

“You still want my cock princess?”

You nod after a moment, fists curled into the sheets as you stare up at him. He's surprisingly gentle as he traces his hands over your thighs, hiking the skirt of your dress back up around your waist. His fingers slip beneath the waistband of your panties and he taps your hip, beckoning you to lift your bottom half off of the mattress so he can drag the thin fabric down to your ankles. 

He shifts a little closer, cock brushing against your thigh and you roll your hips in anticipation. He raises a brow at you, slightly shocked by your movement but he doesn't move to stop you, instead he reaches down between the two of you with one hand to guide his cock against your  wet cunt, watching your reaction with a pleased groan when you whimper at him.

Brian presses into you slowly, stretching you with every inch of his cock. He groans, fingers digging into your hips as he bullies his cock deeper. It drags the air from your lungs and forces a string of breathless curses and whines to fall past your lips.

"Fu—fuck—oh fuck—you're so tight—" he hisses, biting his lower lip as he watches every inch of his cock disapear into the tight heat of your cunt. It takes him what feels like ages to bottom out, cock hitting the deepest parts of you until you swear you can feel him in your belly.

Mercifully he stops moving, seemingly just as overwhelmed as you by the feeling of you clenching around him. His mercy lasts for scarcely a minute before he rolls his hips and drags his cock out a few inches before driving it right back in with a low groan. 

You choke, trembling hands reaching up to grasp at his t shirt, "bri—brian—fuck"

"It's alright princess—fuck you were made for this—" hums, leaning forward, one hand gripping your hip while the other reaches up to hold your face. You whimper as he pulls his hips back until only the tip of his cock remains.

“Brian—bri—wait—” 

He slams back into you forcing a choked sound from the back of your throat, “fuck—you—-how—how are you so fucking tight?” he starts thrusting slow and hard, gripping your hips as his pace quickens. 

“Bri—”

One hand drags up from your hip to tangle into your hair, forcing you to look up at him, “What is it pretty girl—” 

A whimper spills from your lips and you reach for him, unsure if you’re trying to push him away or pull him closer, “bri—brian—please—-you’re—-you’re too big—-slo—slow down”

He laughs, driving his cock into you a little harder, “You think I’d believe that I’m bigger than those fucking jocks you spread your legs for?” 

You tremble under him,”Please—bri—-please—I’m serious—-fuck—”

“Oh thats real fucking cute—” he grins, tugging on your hair and groaning when your cunt clenches around him, “Don’t you worry princess—I told you I’d take care of you.” 

He reminds you again that he has no intention of being nice or gentle with you as he fucks you just as relentlessly as he had when he had you cumming on his fingers. You barely even register the fact that he’s not wearing a condom—-you hate that your cunt flutters at the thought of him filling you with his cum. 

And yet you beg him for more. Clinging desperately to him and sobbing with every bruising thrust of his cock. He grips your hip and holds you in place as he sets a brutal pace fucking you—-tearing you apart and then putting you back together with every drag of his cock—-

You’re ruined for anyone else—-you can’t even deny that at this point—-though you obviously weren’t about to admit that outright to him—-especially not when he’s still in the process of ruining you.

It doesn’t even take long for him to send you headfirst into another orgasm-—-it’s sort of terrifying how easily he brings you to the edge—-normally you were lucky to be able to orgasm even once—-

The only warning you get is the string of curses that spill from his lips and the jerk of his hips as he drives his cock into you as deep as it will go—your cunt flutters again and he spills into you saying your name all soft and pretty like a prayer.

He falls with you and your vision blurs—time slows and all you can feel is Brian—he surrounds you—consumes you—you drown in him.

His pace remains just as relentless and unforgiving even as he fucks you through your second orgasm and all you can do is cling to him. He curls over you, dragging your hips against his and mouthing at your neck, sucking a few more bruises along the way, choking on a whine every time he feels you squeeze around him.

“Fuck––Bri—Brian” you babble as his thumb grazes back over your oversensitive clit.

He shifts, pressing a few lazy kisses up your buck and along your jaw and then drags you into a sloppy kiss. He pulls out, smirking into the kiss as you whimper at the loss of his cock, cum already beginning to drip out of your cunt. 

He rolls over, laying down beside you on the mattress. You come down from the high slowly, and even then you feel like you're stuck in a fog. You feel good—perfect actually—perfect and full and warm—

Without thinking you shift a little closer to him, curling against his side with a content sigh. At first he leans into it, arm curling around your side, hand tracing over your hip.

His laugh startles you,"I didn't expect you to be so clingy afterwards" 

In an instant you pull away from him, dragging yourself up off the bed with a huff, "Fuck you Brian—"

He laughs again, leaning up on his elbows to look at you with a smirk, "Pretty sure I did fuck you already princess," he pauses, eyes dragging down between your thighs, "unless that's someone elses cum dripping from your cunt—"

"Fuck off." You hiss, pulling the end of your dress down and glancing around in search of your panties. 

"You looking for something pretty girl—"

You turn to him as he shifts towards the end of the bed, tugging his pants up and giving you a smug grin. You narrow your eyes at him as he reaches his hand into pocket and lifts your lacy blue panties up in front of you. 

"Give them back."

He thinks for a moment and then shrugs, "No I don't think I will,"

"Brian—"

"Nope" he hums, shoving the panties back into his pocket, "I think I'll keep em as a souvenir"

You curse under your breath, preparing to argue further until he gets up off the bed, taking a step towards you, tilting his head at you, " —maybe i'll give em back to you next time"

You bite your lip, stepping backwards and shaking your head, "We can't do this again—"

 Brian raises a brow, “Who says?” 

You fidget with the hem of your dress, pulling down a bit farther to cover your thighs—-you really wish you hadn’t gone with such a short dress—it was doing very little to hide the slick coating of your inner thighs. 

You shrug after a moment, “We just can’t—-this was fun and all but—” 

“Oh it was fun was it—” 

“Well—I mean—”

He laughs—another step forward—-and another two backwards until you reach the door—- “You admitting you had fun with little old me? I’m flattered truly—-and I’ll be honest you’re a better fuck than I thought.” 

You turn the lock and grip the door handle—-glancing at him with a frown before opening the door slightly—- “Let’s just agree to never discuss this okay?” 

He looks at you for a moment, and then shrugs, leaning down to swipe his jacket up off the ground, “If that’s what you want then that’s fine by me,” he pauses as if considering his next words carefully—though you know for a fact he rarely ever thinks very clearly about any choice he’s ever made—- “Wouldn’t want your friends to find out what a little whore you are would you?” 

In an instant you spin on your heels, just barely catching yourself as you pull the door open enough to slip through, losing yourself in the hordes of teenagers moving through the house—-as you pull the door shut behind you, you catch another glimpse of Brian, winking as he pulls a lighter and a fresh cigarette from his pocket—-

You left the party early—-mercifully you didn’t run into any of your friends—-though you did catch Max’s eye as you slipped past an incredibly stoned classmate—-you imagined you would be hearing from Maddy or Kirsten later on—-probably Kirstem, these days it seemed like getting on your ass was what brought her the most joy. 

That wasn’t your biggest priority though if you were honest—-you really should not have fucked Brian fucking Wilcox.

[seafoamreadings]

week of july 16th, 2023

aries: not the best news for your sign this week with your ruling planet opposing saturn and the sun squaring the nodes. you'll feel almost certainly held back in some way, or several ways, and slow going is not known to be an aries favorite. just try to relax into it. things speed back up later.

taurus: your ruling planet goes retrograde this week. it can be hard for natural venusians such as yourself, especially during the first and last few days. but it can also be exciting, and you can make it a relaxing self care event if you insist on putting yourself first, which is only right for such an earthly incarnation of aphrodite herself.

gemini: naturally you have an ability, actually a gift, for being able to enjoy small and flirtatious things even in heavy and weird times. actually you can turn chaos into magic, without even trying. it's great, but others will find it grating at this time, so don't be too flamboyant about it until the sun is well into leo (where it ingresses later on this week).

cancerians: this week has a new moon in your sign and then boom, leo season begins. the spotlight is off of you, which will suit many cancerian people who like to be quietly at home, and now your finances get a cool stroke of luck somehow.

leo: while cancer season tends to be relaxing and calm and restorative, the end of this one was a bit tough if not downright harrowing. after the cancer new moon this week, your own leo season begins, and things get both more fun and more glamorous.

virgo: i almost hate to break it to you but this week is either chaotic or painful (or both?) in your close and committed relationships. i say "almost" hate because ultimately the outcome is FREAKISHLY productive/constructive and all in your highest good, and that of your partner or whomever else is included in this construction.

libra: what does venus retrograde in leo bring for you? most likely your aesthetics and partnerships that are already sealed are pretty solid, although if they've been tumultuous they may take the opportunity to disintegrate. what's shifting really is your social scene, the acquaintances around you and your network at large. evaluate the status of these things in your life and mine them for insight.

scorpio: the whole week has a watery and ominous tone. the best advice right now for you is to recede from the limelight. sometimes the sultry air benefits you but for now and the rest of the summer (winter in the southern hemisphere) it functions much better in private.

sagittarius: you may need to go farther out of your way than some others to make sure venus retrograde doesn't get you down. that's ok, do what it takes. try to focus on yourself even when that advice gets to be its most annoying, and as much as possible also work on quietly expanding your mind.

capricorn: your yearly partnership new moon is incoming. you can find a business partner if that's what you really want, or the lustier capricorns ruled more by the god pan find long term lusty companions. or at least they're seeking them. the finding depends on personal factors, but as this moon waxes it's a great time to start looking.

aquarius: for good reason, venus retrograde is associated with love stuff. but for you in particular the focus is on committed relationships - and it doesn't fully let up until october. what partnerships (do or would) bring you pleasure? which are more of a ball and chain? what can be done about it all? start asking now, and hopefully in a couple months your answers are settled.

pisces: there's much to affect you all week so watch the transits closely. in many ways it affects you in muted tones. meanwhile the retrograde of venus does get your daily routines and may have you feeling that the magic has receded from the mundane. in truth it has not, and no one is better at seeing the spirit within the seemingly inanimate than you are.

[floof-writes]

I just figured out why the "Don't hate on Kristen, she's just a traumatized 17 year old girl she wasn't prepared to create and care for a deity and it's not fair to expect her to" argument bugs me so much!

First and foremost, Kristen Applebees owns my entire heart and soul. She saved my fucking life. She and I went through a scarily similar religious crisis at fifteen and she and Ally helped me process it. By extension, I respect Ally immensely. They are integral in what D20 is today, and I can't thank them enough for that, Chaotic Dumb shit included. Whatever choices they make to A) have fun at the table and B) play Kristen to her truest potential, I support them.

Right now, Kristen is certainly acting in character, I'm not denying that, but her character still hasn't learned the lesson she needed to. The argument above boils down to the claim that teenagers shouldn't be held responsible for their actions, and as someone who was 17 fairly recently, YES THEY FUCKING SHOULD. Teenagers are capable of doing amazing things. They are more than capable of making moral and practical judgements, and they should be allowed to. They are intelligent and thoughtful and complex. Kristen proves that every second she's on screen. Denying her the consequences of her actions, both good and bad, is just disrespectful to her accomplishments.

Teenagers should receive unconditional love and support from the adults in their lives, but they do not get consequence immunity that expires at 18. Kristen, more than any other bad kid, lacks parental support. Her connection to stable adults is largely through her girlfriend, and that's not ideal. But Kristen has proven she understands what it means to be the cleric of a new god, that in the same way her devotion raised her from the grave, her apathy could bury her once more. It's happened to [redacted] before. Apparently she hasn't even attempted to spread that responsibility out by sharing the gospel. She hasn't asked for help, which is a teenager's most fundamental right. It makes sense that she hasn't, someone else pointed out that Kristen is still searching for the absolute security in knowing a god is all powerful that she had while believing in Helio and has yet to unlearn that, which is why she struggles with her deities. She very obviously relies on religion to fill a hole in her worldview. But if Kristen kills Cassandra, she kills Cassandra. That's her fault, even if it's a mistake that will one day become a dumb teenage decision in her past, rightfully paid for and rightfully regretted. And the adults in her life, whether that be Aguefort or Jawbone or someone else, have a responsibility to tell her she's out of line, because she is.

Junior year is about realizing that real life is a speeding train and you're tied to the tracks with just the pieces of a knife. Ally themself said this season is about Kristen suffering consequences for her chaotic decisions. Making a bad decision and being held responsible for it is okay. This is a theme that appears with Pete as well. Expecting them to learn from their experiences and behave better gets conflated with hating them and is met with excuses about their circumstances and lack of support, even though both demonstrate an extreme desire to learn and grow.

(Finally, the last piece of this argument that bugs me, is the claim that people criticizing Kristen must not have experienced a faith crisis. Bitch, with Kristen's help I banged that thing out in a year and half. By 16 I was an atheist out to my parents. Unlike Kristen, they didn't kick me out, and unlike Kristen, the existence of god/s isn't an objective reality in my world, so I get that I had it easier. But your experiences with faith aren't universal.)

[amethystina]

Your metas are as fantastic as your fics! I have two questions about the show that I'd love your input on! First what do you think You-Han thought about Ga-On in the bus scene in the first episode beside what you mentioned already? Yeah he doesn’t care for heroics much but he's also so dismissive of humanity and its cowardice and greed, and here's Ga-On risking his life twice for strangers including a criminal, doing the opposite of what people Yo-Han condemned for the fire did. Was any part of him impressed? And second, I'm confused on this, did adult Yo-Han realize that making Sun Ah jump from the window was a shit move or did he think it was ok since she was a thief and tried to set him up and he thought she likes him for his money? And did he ever realize that she had real feelings for him fucked up as they were? He's so dismissive all the time of her it's hard to say, but he also seemed to be offended when Ga-On asked if he was playing with her feelings. Thank you again you're the best.

Thank you so much! I had a lot of fun writing those metas and I'm a little sad that I haven't had the time to write more because I have so many scenes and concepts I'd like to explore. But it's difficult to find the time in between everything else.

ANYWAY. Moving on to your questions!

To be honest with you? Aside from what I've mentioned already, I don't think Yo Han felt or thought much about Ga On during that scene except how he might be useful to him. Like, sure, maybe some small part of him was impressed by Ga On's quick response, but even if he'd take note of Ga On acting unlike most people would in that situation (and unlike the people during the fire) he's also jaded enough that he'd probably explain it away as naïvité. That Ga On just doesn't know better. Or maybe even that Ga On does it because he wants to be heroic. Which obviously isn't true — Ga On's actions are genuine and not just for show or to get attention and praise from others — but Yo Han doesn't know that. Because he doesn't know Ga On at this point. So I think he's just... neutral.

Also, I think Yo Han was too busy with other things to really stop and consider his own feelings about Ga On's actions. Like, I think he focused more on "Oh, this young man is very idealistic and reckless — how can I use that?" rather than just admiring Ga On's bravery.

Like, he's already way, way past reacting to the situation and has gone straight to plotting how it can be useful to him. Especially if you consider that this is the day when his revenge plan is finally being set in motion. He's probably razor-focused on that, not Ga On or whatever he's feeling about said young man.

It's just too soon for him to see the goodness in Ga On and actually give a damn about it? (but he certainly will later — and then he'll start yearning) At this point in the story, I think Yo Han would view Ga On as any other piece on the board — and a pretty insignificant one, at that — that he simply needs to figure out and control.

Well, except for the part where he looks like Isaac xD

If Yo Han had any true emotional reaction to what Ga On did that day, it's probably directly related to Isaac, not Ga On as his own person. Because, again, Yo Han doesn't know Ga On yet. Maybe Yo Han even saw some parallels between the two in that moment, considering how heroic Isaac was during the church fire. Like, not only does Ga On have his face, but he'll brave danger to save others, too.

But, all in all, I think Yo Han just... didn't care all that much about Ga On? Or, well, he cares, of course (enough to intervene and stop the bus) but Ga On really isn't all that important to him here. So I don't think his thoughts and feelings about him were all that significant, either, except, again, in what ways Ga On might be useful to him and how he reminded him of Isaac (which Ga On would no doubt hate if he knew xD)

As for Yo Han and his relationship with Sun Ah, that's a bit trickier. Their dynamic is very, very intriguing and I can't quite decide how I want to view it, but I think I've settled on "playmates" xD

Because Sun Ah is the closest Yo Han has come to finding an equal. Someone who can understand his games, can play by his rules — but also invent her own when she feels like it — and keep him on his toes. Someone who can challenge him and push him to stretch his limits.

Which I think Yo Han found to be pretty fun at first, but he eventually realised that maybe having an equal who's exactly like you isn't necessarily a good thing — especially judging by his behaviour towards her. Like, he enjoyed their games, sure, but he didn't like when she started making assumptions, trying to weasel her way into his life, or tell him what to do.

Because that's what Yo Han does and he clearly doesn't like it when the shoe is on the other foot xD

(Like, for real: if you think about it, Sun Ah used very similar methods when she attempted to woo Yo Han as Yo Han used to woo Ga On (including the kidnapping). But those are methods that don't actually work on Yo Han because he's, well, Yo Han. They did work on Ga On, though x'D)

I do think that Yo Han was genuinely attached to Sun Ah to some degree (the moments after she shoots herself in front of him show that), but he's also pretty flippant about her feelings for him, yes. And I think that's because he thought those feelings were based on a foolish childhood obsession she couldn't let go of. Which, considering his unsentimental disposition, probably made him view them as pretty superficial. Kind of like you'd patiently nod along when a child declares that they're going to marry their cool, older cousin when they grow up? The feelings are real, but they're also founded in something that's not, so he doesn't take them all that seriously. If that makes sense?

And yes, I think that adult Yo Han intellectually knows that he shouldn't have made her jump out of that window when they were kids, but he also doesn't regret doing it x'D

Because it's all a part of the game. I mean, no matter what Sun Ah says, I don't think she jumped out of the window because she loves Yo Han — she jumped because she wanted to prove that she could. Basically calling him on what could have been a bluff, but they're both so stubborn that of course it wasn't a bluff. But she couldn't back down at that point, could she? She didn't want to, because that would mean he'd win and could say that she didn't love him as much as she claimed.

It's all just a big mind game, basically, where they're constantly trying to outsmart each other and call each other's bluffs.

Even the part where he's so dismissive of her feelings, I'd argue. Because, clearly, she enjoys chasing him and so the fun would end if he gave her what she wants. He's playing hard to get, basically, just because he can. Just because he wants to see what will happen if he does.

Which I think is why he reacts the way he does when Ga On questions him, because Ga On clearly doesn't understand the rules of the game. If Sun Ah didn't want Yo Han to use her feelings against her, she shouldn't have given him that as a tool for him to use. And she's smart enough that she wouldn't do something like that by mistake so that's basically permission in Yo Han's eyes. Nothing is sacred, and all that.

But, at the core of it, I also think that Yo Han's dismissiveness comes from the fact that he doesn't actually want her the way she wants him. He never did. He finds her entertaining and probably feels a certain kinship to her since she, again, is the closest he's found to an equal — someone just like him — but that's not as important to him. He's more focused on his revenge and taking care of Elijah (and securing himself a doe-eyed sugar baby). So yes, he likes the games and the challenge she presents, but she's not what he's looking for.

And he kind of gives up on that whole thing entirely after she killed K, threatened to kill Ga On, and just threatened Elijah in general. That's when things stopped being fun and there's no coming back from that.

Basically, I think that Yo Han and Sun Ah are very similar in how they think and behave and while that makes them equals in many ways — and means they can play a game that is quite literally on another plane than we mere mortals may understand — that's also their downfall. It would never actually work between the two of them because they're too similar. The push-and-pull would never end and, sooner or later, they'd tear each other apart.

If you compare Sun Ah with Ga On (because of course we have to) he manages the most vital part — which is to challenge Yo Han intellectually — but is also caring and responsible enough to back down when things are about to escalate beyond what's manageable. He'll go soft and warm and basically ask: "Is this really what you want?" And, sometimes, Yo Han actually seems to realise that "Uh, no, it's actually not. Let's try that again."

Which makes a huge difference not only for the longevity of their relationship, but also how much Yo Han ends up wanting it. Because, clearly, despite all the darkness and sharp edges, he does want love and softness. And, deep down, I think some part of him always knew that Sun Ah couldn't give him that — but Ga On can. And so that's who he chooses to woo.

(not me turning almost every ask into an opportunity to gush about Yo Han and Ga On and how they're perfect for each other)

ANYHOW. I hope that answers your question on some level? Tbh Yo Han and Sun Ah's relationship has too many nuances for me to sufficiently summarise it here (much like Yo Han and Ga On's relationship) but my suggestion is to see them as playmates. Like, just assume that almost all of it is a part of them trying to outsmart each other. And there are no rules because they're both certifiably unhinged.

So yeah! Thank you so much for asking! Though I must say: it might just go to my head if people keep asking me for my opinion on stuff like this. Like, does this mean my opinions actually matter? Oh my xD

Take care, darling 💜

[noodyl-blasstal]

I'll grab your balls if you grab mine (TAZNC day 3)

It's day 3 of @taznovembercelebration and today's card was "coworkers AU." Prepare to, once again, get your stupid on - it's gay chicken but also there's an aligator. You can read today's below or on Ao3, and read yesterday's here.

--

Kravitz starts the slow sideways shuffle towards the lake. "C'mon, Taako. I know that Artemis is probably here, but he might leave us alone today." Kravitz doesn’t really believe himself, but they have to go, they’ve been putting off the lake by hole number 8 for weeks and it’s a particularly lucrative spot.

"He won't." Taako says, resigned. "He never does. Smug bastard. He knows we're just doing our job and he doesn't give a shit. I’ve explained it to him, I’ve asked Garyl to as well. Nothing helps. He’s a bastard."

"I'm not sure he considers it that much, he's an alligator, he's not exactly au fait with the concept of people jobs." Kravitz has long vowed to stop trying to convince Taako that Artemis is just being an animal and not holding some specific grudge against them. The resolve always lasts until Taako started talking about it, at which point he forgets said vow until it’s far too late.

"What? You think he thinks we do this for fun? Just pop down to put a sight on nothing because you can see fuck all down there? Absolutely not. He knows this is work stuff, Krav. If he was angry about capitalism he could go chomp the bosses, nuh uh, this is about us taking his balls."

"You have to stop referring to our job as..."

"We're ball collectors, Krav, ball connoisseurs, ball grabbers, ball appreciators. Don't be embarrassed, I don't judge you, we’re good at it."

Kravitz wonders absently if putting on his mask early will make Taako stop. It won’t, he knows it won't, it wouldn't be the first time he'd tried it, but today could be his lucky day? Maybe if he shuffles faster into the lake it’ll stop him? But no, it's not safe to go down without Taako, they've got to set their watches and do all the health and safety stuff. Kravitz knows from experience that Taako can happily talk through it.

"It's absolutely fine to make a career of grabbing balls with your good friend Taako. Sometimes you even grab my balls."

"Taako!" Kravitz is going to expire, he was going to burst into dust and float away on the wind, and fucking Artemis would probably try and eat him anyway because he is a complete bastard, but Kravitz can't admit that to Taako because it'll only encourage him more. It wouldn’t be so bad if he could just hate Taako, go to Sloane’s after a hard day and complain about his awful coworker. No no, he had to find it charming.

"It's okay, you can admit it. You grab my balls and, honestly, I like it. Saves me a job." Taako's grinning his stupid big grin and there's pond weed tangling around Kravitz's fins, and he wishes more than anything that he was somewhere in Australia or something right now, clear water, a delightful reef, he could go murder the invasive starfish or something. Starfish assassin was a better job than ball grabber.

"Well, shall we get started then?" A valiant effort, he can keep them on track probably.

"Of course, I wouldn't want to keep you from all the balls you have to touch."

"Look, you're running out of material, if we dive now you can go out on a high."

"Fondle? I didn't say fondle yet."

"If you're fondling them then you're wasting time. There's a reason I always get the most."

"It's certainly not skill if you're rushing it." Taako wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. "Want me to talk you through the finer points of the process sometime?"

"I don't need to seduce the golf balls and my bedroom technique is fantastic thanks. Now get in the lake, Taako."

There's a loud splashing noise as Taako falls into the shallows cackling. Great. It takes him an age to calm down when he gets like this. "Fantastic... bedroom technique... Bedroom technique!" Is all Kravitz can hear repeated between the mirthful snorts. Kravitz thinks it might just be easier to let Artemis have his way with him at this point. If he dies in the line of duty then Taako will have to be nice about him, well, in public at least, he can say what he wants in private. They might build a statue too! It’d be in the middle of the lake or something, that's about the level of sensitivity he'd expect from their employers, but his Mums would probably appreciate it.

"You'll..." Taako throws a bit of pond weed off his stupid handsome face. "...have to show me that technique sometime, stud."

Kravitz freezes, not just because of the cold biting at his knees. He wishes the dry suits were warmer. "Did you just offer to go fuck me?"

"I offered to let you fuck me, actually. You can't go showing off and not being willing to back it up." Taako looks wildly unruffled, as if he hasn't just propositioned a co-worker on a Tuesday morning. Not that the day should matter, but honestly, it's Friday behaviour if anything.

"I... You..." Kravitz stands there like a particular stupid penguin. Maybe if he doesn't move Taako won't be able to see him... In his brightly coloured BCD with an oxygen tank strapped to his back... Fuck.

"Come on then Kravitz, we haven't got all day." Taako says breezily, finally back on his feet and crab stepping past Kravitz with a smug smile.

Fine. Fine! If Taako wants to be like this then Kravitz can match his energy. No problem. He can be fun, he can be playful. "Certainly not. Apparently we have plans tonight." He pushes forward into the lake, smiles as Taako coughs a surprised laugh behind him but doesn't give him time to reply. "Turn round, I forgot to tug your weight pouches on land."

Taako shuffles in what’s probably meant to be an alluring semicircle, he seems to be looking at Kravitz more intently than usual.

“Is that everything done, ‘cause Breathing Water Really Ain’t Fun!” Taako asks as Kravitz double checks his kit.

“We’re good, unless you need to inspect me?”

“Apparently Taako gets to do that later.” Taako says, then quickly launches himself into the water, splashing Kravitz in the face. Taako scrambles for his mask. “Get in loser, it’s lovely and warm!”

It is not lovely and warm. It’s cold and miserable. Kravitz's face however, is toasty warm from the blush burning there. He's surely not going to fuck Taako just to try and out fluster him… is he? Kravitz would like to. It’s not that he hasn’t thought about fucking Taako before, but Taako won't go along with it… will he? He hasn’t expressed any interest before now.

They do the last checks for loose straps or hoses and, satisfied, head down into the murk. Kravitz wonders, not for the first time, if his past self thought he'd be diving crystal clear waters somewhere fabulous by this point in his life, not using his scuba qualification to retrieve golf balls from gross man made lakes.

It's important to be relatively methodical, so they set off on their usual route, a slow backwards and forwards sweep of the lake bed. They can only see 15 feet in any direction , so it's slow going. They save the drop off for the end - the inexplicably deep portion attracts balls like a magnet. Why have an easy retrieval when you could have a hard one?

The bottom is so goopy, Kravitz truly detests it. Taako jokingly stuck a fin in one time and Kravitz still isn't convinced all the gunk came off. He hates having to reach in and grab the balls nestled in it - sinking so slowly that they always get to them before they're submerged (one time the bosses made them dig into the muck with a horrible plastic sieve to check, nothing seemed to penetrate the choking layer.)

There's still no sign of trouble when they're mid way through the ascent and Kravitz is starting to hope Artemis had decided to leave them alone today, miracles can happen. Maybe he has finally remembered that he's supposed to be nocturnal? Sadly, instead, Artemis has remembered he's supposed to lurk in the shallows.

Kravitz feels Taako yanking him violently before he even sees Artemis. His jaws snap at the space Kravitz left behind. A chunk of bubbles escape Taako and Kravitz can almost hear the swearing. Kravitz forces himself to breathe instead of holding it, the last thing he needs is to explode his lungs. He just has to not die in the next 10 minutes and he's getting laid apparently? Maybe Taako forgot, but either way, living would be good.

They look frantically around, stuck at their last levelling stop until the watches tell them they can move on. Artemis swoops back on Taako's side this time, but Taako is ready, jabs him in the side of the head where you're supposed to. Kravitz hates that management thought that the "how to fight an alligator" leaflet was more appropriate than safely relocating him to protect staff. It's not like they asked for them all to be moved, the others were fine. Garyl let Taako scritch his belly! It was just that Artemis was 'uniquely shit'. Kravitz is fairly sure that's the exact phrase Taako put in the latest complaint (to no avail).

Artemis disappears briefly, they hang in the water, waiting on the watches. Any minute now, surely? Kravitz looks hard into the murky waters trying to anticipate Artemis' next move. The watch beeps just as he strikes again, heading for Taako’s ankle this time. Kravitz stamps down as hard as he can (water and fins making this ‘not particularly hard’), it’s enough to distract Artemis though. He turns to snap at Kravitz instead, but Taako’s grabbing Kravitz’s arm and pulling him upwards. They finally break the surface and run, inelegant and flappy, hands tangled, laughing while pondweed snares their ankles and they tug each other along. Taako’s stood flamingo-like in the shallows, one hand on Kravitz’s shoulder for balance, the other trying to remove his fins, when Artemis surfaces again. They’re so close, so close to getting out. Kravitz refuses to let Taako getting eaten get in the way of whatever is going on between them right now. Fuck it. He grabs Taako and slings him over his shoulder - grateful for the fire evacuation training they did, there’s no way he could carry him any other way right now. Okay, so maybe he forgot to factor in the extra weight they’re both wearing and how fucking awkward the tanks make this, but it’s fine, he doesn’t have to go far. He keeps his knees high, makes sure he gets enough clearance on his fins and runs as fast (very slowly) as possible.

Taako whoops in delight and Kravitz is nearly 100% certain he’s giving Artemis the finger behind his back. “Fuck you, Fartemis! Taako lives to ride another day!” There’s a pause, Kravitz swears he hears a muttered… “Or maybe tonight.”

Kravitz deposits Taako much less elegantly than he hoped, but far enough away from the lake that he’s fairly sure they’re safe. “You saved my life!”

“I saved your ankle, at best.”

“You saved Taako’s favourite ankle!”

“You have a favourite ankle?” Kravitz asks, incredulous. Of course Taako has a favourite ankle, he probably has a favourite ear too. Why wouldn’t he?

“It’s weirder not to, ask anyone.” Taako skrunkles up his nose in distaste.

“I’ll do that.” Kravitz says, already deciding Sloane will probably agree. Maybe Kraivtz is wrong?

As the adrenaline fades Kravitz has a creeping awareness that he’s still holding Taako’s hand. It’s awkward, suddenly. He can’t tell if he should let go or cling on. No idea if Taako has been joking this whole time and he’s missing it. He doesn’t want to end up in a HR meeting. They’re dripping onto the golf course, bags of balls secured at their waists, pond weed stuck to their legs, Kravitz has no idea what to say, no idea what to do. He should probably apologise for unceremoniously grabbing Taako, but honestly, Taako seemed to enjoy it.

“So your place or mine tonight, handsome?” Taako pulls off his mask and snorkel properly to allow him to wink at Kravitz. There’s a dribble of muddy water running down his cheek. For a brief second Kravitz debates licking it off.

Kravitz takes a moment to consider Taako’s question. He’s seen the state of Taako’s locker, he’s not sure he can take that on a grander scale. “Mine.” He says definitively. He changed the sheets yesterday and they can stop and get supplies on the way, he’s not exactly set up for this. Maybe he needs to declare that actually. “I… er… I, I don’t really do this, Taako.”

“Do what, exactly, Kraveroo?”

“You know.” Kravitz flaps his hand. Surely Taako has caught his very obvious drift.

Taako looks at him blankly. “Interpretive dance?”

“One night stands!” Kravitz says, louder than he means to. Glances furtively around to ensure none of the customers are zipping by on their golf trollies just waiting to put in a complaint about lewd language being used on the course.

“Well Taako wasn’t planning on this being a one time thing, he’s heard there’s a ‘fantastic bedroom technique’ on offer and he plans to test it out thoroughly.”

Kravitz smiles, he can flirt with Taako, he can take Taako home, he can impress him. “We’ll figure out a rubric while we shower - we can do some extensive testing. I look forward to your feedback.”

--

I hope you enjoyed! Find the next day here.