#i dont really know how to handle situations like these so i hope this wasnt a wrong thing to say?

[iampure-shippingtrash]

Hey uh, I don't know if it's tumblr etiquette to say things like this through an ask or a PM or if I should send this to your main blog? And you don't have to answer this publicly, of course. Might be best if you didn't, since this feels like a very personal conversation? But by sending this, I know by definition I'm surrendering that decision to you.

Point is: I hope you aren't offended I am not interacting with all the Palestine posts. I fully support the cause, would join the strike if I didn't just cook and clean for the family, but I come to tumblr to get away from the weight of the world, and share stuff to reflect that (though sometimes some more serious stuff gets in my queue, I admit. I really need to stop that).

It's just that I learned a long time ago that I, personally, do not have the emotional structural integrity to keep up with the news. I used to keep up, but my own bleeding heart made me unbearably miserable 24/7, for a lot of years, when I already had other things making me miserable in my life. So I try to focus on fiction and fandom and blorbos and brainrot for my own mental health, and hope that spreading some (mostly) fun and cute vibes helps others get through whatever they're dealing with. More power to you if the righteous anger fuels your fire! It's just... for me, it burned me out. Big time. And I hope that isn't a problem between us. And I hope sending this text wall wasn't offputting, either!!

Dont worry, I'm not offended about you not interacting with posts about palestine

I totally understand where youre coming from and honestly I feel the same way about it. I mainly reblog stuff about it out of guilt of not being able to do anything about it considering my current situation. Like, to hopefully have someone who can help see it.

This wont be a problem between us and I dont mind the big wall of text.

[personasintro]

i know mentioming kiko triggers most of the readers but i think yall should grow tf up like shes my roman empire and i think about her a lot u know 😔😔 when this chapter, where she told jungkook the truth, came out i hated her just like others and i was like "shes so evil like how can she do this to jungkook". but as time passed i just realized that shes the realest character because if i were in the same situation i might have done the same thing(?) Like i dont know exactly what id do but because of fear i couldve done the same so i cant really judge her. like we all know having a child is a big responsibility and she was scared and of course she wasnt ready for this and obviously its her body and her choice and she did whatever she thought was good for her. I think throwing a mud at her and criticising her is too much because she suffered enough already and i truly dont understand why do yall hate this woman so much?? I mean yeah she shouldve told jungkook everything because jungkook really deserved to know and we all knkw he would understand her and her choice but she was scared and not ready. Like we cant even imagine the pain she was going through because as i mentioned before having a kid is a big responsibility and she was the one who had to carry the baby for 9 months and give birth and everything and she was not ready. like yeah jungkook would be on her side but so what?? his support would be a great help but mothers still have to go through pain, fear, uncertainty and so many emotions and i think men would never get this (im sorry, i know jungkooks an amazing man but he still wouldnt get it okay???) and i trully feel sorry for her and of course the way she handled the situation was so wrong and i do not support her for that, for example, for lying to jungkook, breaking up with him without telling him everything, then lying to him that she cheated 😭😭like she was so stupid for that and she made him suffer so much like imagine u told him u cheated on him and he still wanted to give u a second chance,even though he was in so much pain??? like i understand him and yes he deserved to know everything and she was so wrong for getting back to him and still makkng him believe she cheated but I feel so sorry for both of them and i really understand kiko and her fears and im her apologist because everyone makes mistakes and obviously she wasnt a perfect person. I hope she will be happy in the future because she dont deserve all this pain.

thank you for sharing your thoughts on this! we've had quite a lot conversations about her character and to be honest, she might be one of my favorite characters i've ever written. not because I love her or anything, but because she's so interesting to me. and i've said this before many times, but i guess people perceive things differently based on the point of view which is completely understandable – if the story was about them, kiko being y/n – some opinions and reactions might've been different. i do believe there would be many opinions of what she did and it being not right, but i guess readers would show more mercy with the way of how they talk about her character or they would definitely not use so many curse words ahaaha

[kunikidanelson]

Alright there was surprisingly a lot of people who wanted to hear my interpretation of kunikidas backstory. So uhm here i go, i just hope i dont disappoint y'all. (Its long as fuck i know, and its not even all LMFAO)

i think he wasnt an orphan because im fucking sick of every single character in bsd being a fucking orphan. What i do think though is that he didn't have the best family life, an overly "protective" (controlling) mother and either an absent or inactive father. (as in, the dad didn't really care what happened at home he just sort of did whatever his wife wanted him to do) but basically this is where Kunikidas hatred for authority starts because all his mother does is pull the "im your mother and you have to listen to me" card. I think his ability before being affected by the "all men are equal" would definitely act up therefore he couldn't go to a proper school because he didn't want to accidentally summon a lion or something like that. So he was basically a nuisance to his mother because she had to homeschool him. Once he was older he decided to go to a math based high school for two reasons: he cant summon numbers; he could live in the school dorms. He basically runs away from home once he's capable and takes on a lot of part time jobs (katai offers him money but kunikida refuses) and basically lives like this until college. Being a good student grade wise he made a deal that if he does tutoring for the other students, they'll let him rent the dorm for free. But at one point he fails an important exam, and though he doesn't get expelled from the college they retract their statement about letting him tutor unless he proves he's knowledgeable in the subject. But that ruins his housing situation and lives on the street for a few days, realising that its less than ideal to sleep on a park bench he goes to katai out of desperation and lives with him for some time while he tries to find a job. And you might see where I'm going with this. But i dont think kunikida would apply to be a detective at first. I believe he would see some poster about the agency needing a secretary, especially someone who could handle computers and decides to try to get a job there. When he goes to the interview he almost starts crying because he's so desperate for money and his own place to live in. Fukuzawa takes pity on him and lets him take hold of the files. Kunikida gets his own apartment (yay) retakes his exam and gets back to tutoring. At one point the agency say they need some sort of signature (or something, i dont have to think of a specific example do i??) on regular paper and kunikida admits that though he knows how to write, his handwriting isn't very good because of his ability he didn't have much of a chance to perfect it. Yosano and Fukuzawa, of course shocked that kunikida has an ability in the first place meanwhile Ranpo just shrugs because he knew all along, just didn't care to mention it. Then fukuzawa asks Kuni if he doesn't want to join the agency as a detective and that any training he might need, will be provided. (Partly offering this to him because the agency in the early days had literally 4 members including the president and secretary Kunikida and they all built a sort of trust between each other) so kunikida accepts and eventually drops out of college because he quite literally doesn't need it anymore, he knows what he wants to do now. And also after all men are equal takes place kunikida starts writing traditionally all the time, simply because he was so deprived of it before, thus building his habit of keeping his notebook with him 24/7.

I hope this made a bit of sense, if you imagined it differently, im not taking that away from you this is just my interpretation xx

Also don't ask me how katai and kunikida met i dont know nor care, i mean they've been friends for around 10 years, so they met when they were 12? They honestly could have just met one day on complete random, I'm not looking too deep into that

[baby--b4t]

hey snookums it’s me again :3 I have another minific or bot idea that i’m just leaving here because my ideas are spilling out of my head like soup rn :p

dottore (somehow) being trusted to babysit pantalone’s little, and he just doesn’t know what to do at all. “you want a beer?” “he’s four!!”/ref

the sillies I lub them :3

-🐠

PLEASE KEEP SENDING ME LITTLE IDEAS LIKE THIS (this goes for everyone !!) these ideas help me with my writers block and give me inspiration for other stuff (*^▽^*) I DID KINDA GO OFF TOPIC WITH THIS ONE but its still silly stuff with dottore :3

(minific under the cut)

"Why am I being put in charge of someone with the mental capacity of a child?" Dottore grimaced as he cleaned off one of his counters. He had planned to start on a new experiment today, but it was clear that was going to have to be put on hold for the time being.

"Oh please, dont sound so disgusted by it." Pantalone replied, setting you down in a nearby chair. "I just need you to watch them for a little bit while I attend a meeting. Everyone else is away or busy at the moment. A couple hours is all I ask, Dottore."

Dottore was clearly not the happiest about the situation, but he understood. He let out a sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Fine! But if that little parasite messes with any of my equipment and breaks something, I expect better equipment to replace it with." He grumbled, turning to set a box of flasks aside.

Pantalone smiled slightly, setting down your bag he had packed for you.

"There are snacks, toys, an extra pacifier, and a change of clothes in there for the little one. Oh! There are also a few comfort items in case they start having a meltdown. Take care not to lose those, would you?" The man explained as he gave you a gentle hug. "Now, you be on your best behavior for Dottore, alright darling?"

You whined and tried to keep Pantalone with you, but he left you with Dottore in the end. He knew you would be upset, you always were when he left, but he reassured you he would be back very soon. Dottore watched you for a moment, not entirely sure how to care for someone as vulnerable and innocent as you.

"So... What is it that Im supposed to do with you, parasite?" He asked, leaning on a nearby counter as he seemed to study you. "Do you need fed or something?"

You reached into the bag Pantalone had packed for you and pulled out a small stuffed animal. Dottore tilted his head quizzically.

"A toy? Hm..." He thought for a moment, debating on just putting you on a makeshift leash somewhere until Pantalone came back. Play time wasnt really something he wanted to participate in. He wasnt at all fit to handle such childish things... But he couldnt lie and say he didnt find it intriguing.

"Do you play with it? Like a doll or puppet?" Dottore crouched next to the chair you sat in. You shook your head at him and hugged your stuffy close to your chest.

"Ah, I see. Is it like a companion to you?" Dottore smiled slightly, looking more creepy than happy. That somehow made you giggle. You tried to hide your face a little bit in hopes that he wouldnt see you, but it was fruitless.

"What? Whats so funny to you, parasite-" Dottore frowned slightly, trying to look at your face as you continued to try and hide away from him. The way he spoke and seemed frustrated seemed rather funny to you as well. The giggles wouldnt stop coming out of you no matter how much you tried to suppress them.

After a bit of pestering, Dottore finally just picked you up to get your attention.

"I didnt think looking after you would prove to be... So exhilarating." He mumbled, walking over to a more cleaned out area to keep you for the time being. Be stopped in his tracks as he heard you mimicking him, or what he thought was mimicry. You were just trying to repeat the word 'exhilarating' and figure it out and Dottore took that as you trying to poke fun at him.

Dottore sat you in a small corner with the blanket Pantalone brought you with. He chuckled as he plotted trying to get revenge for your 'mocking', feeling as though being a bit silly at a time like this wouldnt hurt.

"Well, well, well.. A misbehaving brat, hm? I know what will fix that behavior quickly." Dottore smiled once more, moving his hands to your side to try and tickle you. That was the start of a nearly twenty minute tickle battle between the two of you.

Dottore finally admitted defeat and was sat in the corner he originally put you in. He crossed his arms over his chest, pouting slightly.

"Im the adult here. Why do I have to sit in the corner?" He questioned, leaning against the wall slightly. You yawned and babbled something in response to him, but it was all gibberish to the man. He sighed and pulled you close to himself, settling you on his lap.

"Youre yawning so that must mean youre tired, right? How about we play a quieter game that ends in you falling asleep, hm?" Dottore suggested as he moved some hair out of your face. You perked up, reaching into your bag and pulling out a simple story book.

Dottore furrowed his brows under his mask for a moment. He didnt want to read a childrens book, but the pleading look on your fave made him cave.

"Give it here-" He grumbled before opening the front cover. You had shifted a bit, holding your stuffed animal and being covered in your blanket nicely. Dottore made sure to support your body with one arm as he held the book with his other.

"Once upon a time..." The man began to read the story aloud to you, his voice quieting slightly. He felt you starting to relax in his embrace, getting comfortable for your nap. He had no more than finished the story before realizing you fell asleep.

"Well that didnt take long." Dottore mumbled, trying to speak softly to make sure he didnt wake you up. He adjusted the two of you a bit, leaning comfortably against the wall with you all snuggled up in his lap. It wasnt long before he found himself dreaming alongside you.

Pantalone came back into Dottores lab after the meeting, expecting to be met with chaos and tears. The man was worried that Dottore would end up being a bad babysitter or that you couldve gotten into something. He let out a sigh of relief as he saw the two of you cuddling, but was a bit confused as to why you were cuddling in a corner.

You sat in Dottores lap, playing with one of your toys as he was still fast asleep. Your naps were quick and easy, so it wasnt surprising to see you were awake after only about an hour of sleeping.

"Well, look at that. You wore poor Dottore out, didnt you sweetheart?" Pantlone chuckled as he reached down to pick you up. He cradled you in his arms, planting a small kiss on the crown of your head.

You looked back down at Dottore, thinking for a moment before trying to throw down your blanket to him. Pantalone saw your efforts and smiled.

"Should we tuck him in so he can finish his nap?" He asked as he set you back down so you could cover him up. You pulled the blanket up further on him, up to his shoulders, before tucking your stuffed animal in with him.

"Such a thoughtful little dear." Pantalone praised, gently ruffling your hair.

[vtuberconfessions]

rushia defender anon here- point proven w at least two people being like "its not victim blaming to say she knew what she was doing and shouldve expected it!!! as long as i think she didnt deserve to be told to kill herself its not victim blaming" i dont think u know what the term "victim blaming" means

people who have never been in a situation where you are receiving hundreds (in her case thousands) of death threats while mentally ill will NEVER see what she did as not premeditated for attention or the fallout as anything but "getting what she deserved". i genuinely do wish everyone who thinks she "had it coming" for being gfe or that she "knew what she was doing went against her contract so its her fault the harassment got worse" for trying to clear her name to make it stop gets put in that situation someday. youll change your tune, if you live thru it.

if you think u can handle urself better, i wish you knew what it was like to live w severe mental illness and be told thousands of times per day that u are a whore and should slit ur wrists and watching people burn things w ur face on it, and follow u whenever you try to make a fresh start. maybe for some people its just plain ignorance to what that kind of situation is like, but for some i genuinely think its just "menhera girls are attention seekers and everything they do is for clout" and i hope those people develop mental illness and see just how "for clout" our lapses in judgement really are.

maybe this all sounds harsh but its just my experience as someone whos name was formerly out in the public online who got lots of hate (in my case there wasnt really any main source that was my action, but rather actions of someone i barely knew who i was perceived as being friends with) and got blamed for "giving it attention" when i addressed it. probably also my experience as a menhera girl in the vtubing fandom- both in the way /vt/ motherfuckers think menhera means and the original 2ch subcultural meaning. she didnt deserve it, and it wasnt for clout or attention and she doesnt "clearly like it" or whatever the fuck the antis riding her dick say because shes still affected by being constantly told to off herself.

.

[orionsangel86]

Are there anythings that you would have changed about The Sandman?

The show or the comic?

Plenty of things I'd change about the comic. As great as the story is, it is a product of its time and there are some underlying messages whether intentional or not that are inappropriate and fucked up and don't really belong such as:

The racism towards black women implied to be cursed to die violently when linked to Morpheus in some way following the Nada situation.

In fact the whole Nada story is pretty gross. When she thinks that by cutting her hymen she'll remove her virginity to put Dream off her, but then its stated that healing her hyman doesnt restore her lost virginity... like first of all. No. Second of all - shoving a rock up your vag does NOT remove your virginity lets not spread the message that it does.

The way Dream comes across a bit rapey in the Nada story overall and its not made clear how much influence Desire has in that.

The inherent misogyny which is typical of 80s/90s comics but in particular the violence towards women and overt sexualisation of women. Whether for shock value or not, its just not necessary.

The implied message that depressed and suicidal people should just kill themselves and everything will be better once they are gone.

The idea that a person who is depressed can be replaced by a better good version of themselves and even their family and friends will just treat that person as the new them. The implication that the depressed person isnt valued and must instead conform to the responsibilities and burdens of the system they are trapped in - rather than changing the system.

The concept that the moon is inherently transphobic and that witchcraft is transphobic just irks me as a pagan person- like yeah there are huuuuge problems in the community and the whole divine feminine and fucking womb magic bullshit is all over it but I really really hate how Sandman perpetuates that myth and indicates its the goddess that encourages that view and not asshole closed minded people. The moon isnt fucking transphobic FFS.

Everything about Gwen and Hobs relationship in Sunday Mourning. Its problematic AF and I hope I don't need to explain why.

Not a fan of the portrayal of Loki and Sigyn. Its too black and white for such a complex myth.

That fucking awful reaping joke in Collectors which I loathe with every fibre of my being.

Even with all these points I want to caveat this by saying that I love these comics. I KNOW that a lot of this is subjective and open to interpretation. These things have many shades of grey to them. I adore the comics in so many ways but that doesn't mean they dont have their issues. I know people are emotionally connected to these comics and this criticism isnt meant as an attack on them.

For the show, well tbh I think its practically perfect, but a couple of niggles:

That fucking awful reaping joke in Collectors - can't BELIEVE they kept that in. I mute my TV at that moment so I don't have to hear it every time.

Hob's slave trade ties - They needed clarity here and should have kept the regret in 1889 more obvious. I understand why they changed it but I think that topic should have been thought through better.

There were complaints I read about how black characters and black men in particular seem to disproportionately suffer violent deaths. I know this was unintentional and a simple matter of open casting for extras and minor characters which is a GOOD thing, but sometimes casting should be less blind, and more considered where minorities are concerned.

Some of the dialogue in Johanna Constantine's episode is clunky - but that only bothers me because I've watched it 284929294787 times and have it memorised.

Despair was handled poorly. It wasnt great rep for fat bodies (like me) and she comes across so weak and submissive to Desire. Which she just isn't at all in the comic. Thankfully it looks like they really did take that criticism to heart and made positive changes in Dead Boy Detectives. She was fabulous in her cameo in that.

Not enough gay sex. The 1 star homophobic reviews really overexaggerated on that and left me disappointed. There should have been at least 1 gay or lesbian sex scene in every episode. Do better season 2. Do better. (For legal reasons this one is a joke - Sandman is a goldmine of queer rep and should be on every queer fans watch list 100 times over)

There you go. No piece of media is perfect. There can always be changes and improvements, but the Sandman is a story that really does fit the description of masterpiece. I think my ideas of things that need to change are generally matters of framing. I dont think the comic story should be drastically changed in the show, I don't think it should be given a different ending. Its a tragedy after all, but tragedy can come in many forms and perhaps the story can be adjusted so the tragedy isnt so harsh. But anyway. This is all just my opinion and as with all things i'm sure there will be plenty of people who disagree with me.

[acti-veg]

hey acti, i hate to be a downer when we're already fighting an uphill battle, but i guess i just wanted a fellow vegan to hear this :/

i dated someone this past year, and he knew i was vegan from the start, even when we were just friends, and it was never a problem; he surprised me with a vegan meal prep made with beyond meat once, would clean the grilling utensils when he was making animal-based burgers and I was having a plant-based one, and even, when we went out to eat and they got my order wrong and served me something with meat, put his hand on mine and said he knew i was frustrated and was sorry. fast forward five months and after we'd had a conversation where i told him in a hypothetical completely vegan world, we wouldn't be farming animals for agriculture so livestock animals like cows would sort of go extinct (which started with another hypothetical where i would either have to be super sick for a month or eat a piece of steak and be instantly cured, to which i answered id be sick for the month), he decided i was "radical" and we weren't compatible because he "didn't want his kids to be exposed to veganism". i'd even told him i would compromise (because ive always wanted to raise my kids vegan) in that when i would cook, the food would be vegan, and when he would cook, it wouldnt, and that wasnt good enough. there were other issues and red flags not related to veganism (though he was always making "joking" comments about how he'd "break me of veganism" by cooking a really good steak and convincing me to eat it), but it just really sucks! like vegans are the ones who get the bad wrap as supposedly being "extreme" - i shouldve been the one upset and bothered according to their stereoptypes for us, but it was him! carnists are just so close-minded and hypocritical its really unbelievable.

i really thought it could work if we just respected each other, but he, like most everyone, wasnt interested in genuine conversations or respect. and its so depressing because now i fear every other relationship i enter with a nonvegan will end the same! how can having compassion and respect for nonhuman animals make us so wrong in their eyes? i know it would probably be smarter to only date other vegans but i couldnt help falling in love with him. and the vegan dating pool is so small and spread out, and i dont live in a big, progressive city! im sorry to complain so much, its just a really exhausting reality.

thanks for listening <3

I’m sorry that it ended this way anon, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot with this one.

For what it’s worth, I don’t think that this sort of situation, as awful as it is, is anything inherent in being vegan. You had fundamentally opposing worldviews, relationships between people like that can last and be good for a while, but there will always come an issue that they’ll be split on and can’t compromise. He was unfair and handled it poorly, but even had he been more patient with you and more honest, it sounds like you just weren’t right for one another.

Not every non-vegan sees us this way, and plenty of people do navigate successful relationships with non-vegans. They can’t be anti-vegan though is the issue, and from what you’ve described here, it sounds like that is very much what he was. He would need to have at least been sympathetic to veganism and have a positive outlook on animal rights in general. He’d also need to have known what your intentions would be with any children, though it’s admittedly tricky to know when to bring that up.

Dating another vegan would of course be ideal, but someone who respects you and what you believe in, and crucially is honest about that, is all you really need. Everything else can be subject to compromise, but it sounds like that key thing was what was missing from this. It sucks that you had to find out a year in, but at least you know now before it went any further.

Best of luck in the new year anon, I hope you find better things, whether that’s happiness in your own company or with someone new. Take care!

[ellies-enrichment]

I don't think I will be able to survive tv Tommy being left alone and miserable like in the game 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Like getting shot and Maria leaving him

Although they might change it since he is now expecting to become a father bc it would be really weird if both Maria and Dina leave the Millers with their young children bc they kept obsessing over killing Abby

Hope this makes sense lmao 😑

This makes sense dont worry it makes so much sense that it activated my Tommy is my Favorite Miller gene and I'm gonna word vomit

If it makes you feel better, I like to believe it was actually a mutual decision and that it wasnt necessarily Maria's. It doesnt make it better but all things considered, he begged her in the note he left to keep Ellie safe and not let her follow him. I can only Imagine how much he talked to her about it in person before leaving and because she let Ellie and Dina go(encouraged them to), Jesse died. He had two hurt kids, himself, no horses, and Jesse's body that he had to drag back to Jackson (someone said it was a few weeks on horseback & they were definitely on foot at this point) It's a messy situation but I truly do believe that it WAS a mutual decision in the game for them to break up. It was Mutual or it was Tommy in my mind.

I can't handle either Tommy or Ellie being broken and alone when all they have is the other so I'm desperately hoping that gets changed somewhere so at least maybe at the end they come back together. The way they end things badly makes me upset more than anything and I understand why Tommy was frustrated but I hope he and Ellie will be okay in the show

I also think since Maria is having a kid that they wont do JJ. I think they'll trade JJ for TJ because I can't see them having two babies. Idk why it just seems unreasonable to me. Ever since that episode I've been like "oh well rip Jesse Joel its Tommy jr now" I dont know how that will work for Ellie and Dina in a time jump but I hope Tommy and Maria can at least figure out their issues for this.

ALSO tv Maria is worse(tm) when it comes to rules than game Maria. Ellie shouldn't get permission from her it would feel wrong. (Preferably she'll leave with Tommy but he wouldnt let her do that) so Ellie leaves without permission and Tommy and Maria can't argue about her letting Ellie, Dina, and Jesse get into trouble.

Again though, having a baby may change her attitude. She might be like "bring the dumbass home so my kid isnt fatherless" in front of Ellie, the once again orphan.

The writers have themselves a sticky situation I'm not even on surface thoughts ive spent so much time thinking about how season 2 Tommy is going to be and how the whole situation with Abby will play out

[bonesandthebees]

finally put together my thoughts about last glass chapter, idk how comprehensible it all is but I dont have the words to praise it how it deserves

the use of the pythia in the ch27 is super interesting to me

there are moments where I wonder if he doesnt have a bit of a hard time letting go of the pythia title, its all he had for a big part of his life after all, it was what have him purpose in life

and the problem wasnt inheritly in the title or the role, it was in the rules and how he was treated, he deserved to be respected as a person even when he was the pythia

that cechovs syringe was really cool, at first it was scary bc the priests intentions were definitely to use it on wilbur and I really like how it went from a fear factor to our saving grace AND created wilburs whole dilemma about taking tommy away from his goddess but saving him

by having the priest have it at first and wilbur taking it it felt really smoothly incorporated into the story instead of wilbur just finding it somewhere or something

I hate how they blame wilburs change on the deathlings, the fact that he turned against clara, the tattoo choice, everything

even now its like they cant give credit for any decisions, for having a mind of his own and just cant imagine being a person without being the pythia

or even that hes someone while having the role of the pythia

and it just hurts to see so much

thats why schlatts change in attitude mustve hurt so much

clara failed wilbur and the other pythias that came before him so bad

like I understand that all those rules are man-made, but it feels like she should protect them when she uses them for her visions yk

is the curse real? like do you personally work with it as real? or is that something left up for interpretation (or will we learn next chapter maybe)? bc tommy was cursed and he did die but at the same time coming to the palace was dangerous in nature and the actual killing was enacted as jacks revenge and that has been going on way longer than tommy was cursed, everyone cursed was kinda set up for their death beforehand they even got cursed in a way

whether it is real or not it was yet another thing that built up to the moment of Wilbur deciding to save tommy and played a big role in it bc it was thanks to the curse that wilbur knew that tommy doesnt want to die and has been praying to krisitin bc of it and it looked like shes ignoring him and all this helped wilbur decide to save him

and I think he wouldnt have saved tommy without knowing all this. it goes against the deathlings' religion (at least i think? it was murder so im not sure sure but I think it was wrong on jacks side but on tommys side I dont think it matters how he died but taking him away from death is wrong) and tommy actually worshiped kristin of his own choice and wilbur knows that and he also knows what its like not to be respected

now ofc I cant be sure what wilbur wouldve done bc that crimeboys bond is STRONG and also in the heat of the moment, accounting it was murder and all, but still

oh my god

writing this I realised that you could say THE CURSE SAVED TOMMYS LIFE this is insane I am obsessed, I think this look on it makes it all really beautiful, storytelling wise

very interested in how theyll handle the fact that jack tried to kill tommy bc honestly this situation was very different from when tommy did it, it was PLANNED

glass!jack and glass!niki you are so interesting to me I am rotating you in my brain constantly, their path of thinking has captured me

I hope that schlatts confession about his opinion on the visions helps wilbur make his peace a bit, bc while it doesnt excuse how schlatt treated wilbur, it explains it and also shows that it wasnt wilburs fault that he was failing his role as the pythia when schlatt didnt listen bc he was basically set up to fail from the start

and yes wilbur is parting with his role as the pythia but this might still help him recover, bc at least he wasnt so bad at his one job all these year

and if it doesnt help at least we got schlatt calling wilbur pretty boy, obsessed

I love how in reaction to what schlatt says wilbur feels the pythia dying in the palace and leaving it behind

what a banger chapter, so much happened and it was all so interesting

all that happened and mainly the stuff around tommys dying just showa so perfectly what this story has been telling us this whole time, what the main theme is basically, and that is that in the end you when it matters the only one you can rely on is yourself, not some god and the scene with wilbur saving tommy and kristin not being there really pushes this on you so well I love it sm

rn im just putting all my hope on phil and the deathlings to save wilbur from being forced to be the pythia again

also probably very hypothetical question but im thinking about if wilbur got the option to kinda peacefully step out of his role of the pythia by getting a vision about the next one if he would do it or wouldnt bc he would refuse to bring that fate onto someone else

aaaa thank you, yes I really enjoyed playing around with using the pythia vs wilbur in this chapter. it's hard because I wanted the chapter to be mostly wilbur, but there were key moments where I knew he was going to slip back into the pythia mindset, mostly when he's talking to the priest and later to schlatt. it's not necessarily he's having a hard time letting go of the title, it's that he's spent so much of his life in this mindset that he's not a person, that he's supposed to be wholly devoted to this goddess that he keeps slipping in and out of that mental space.

I'm glad the syringe felt smoothly incorporated!! I was worried it would feel like too much of a "this is a surprise tool that will help us later" bit and while it definitely still was, I wanted it to be tied into what was going on and the worldbuilding and everything

I mean, wilbur has spent the last decade acting as a completely dedicated pythia. then he's gone for a little over half a year and suddenly he's gotten a tattoo and severed his ties to clara and is working with the deathlings? from the priests perspective you can kind of see how it's a bit difficult to believe he got there on his own. especially when they think of becoming the pythia as the highest honor anyone can attain, and how the dehumanizing aspects are meant to be more revered and honorable than anything else

oooo that's an interesting question about the curse. this is going to sound like a cop out answer but I swear it's not, I genuinely haven't decided if the curse is real or not. in a way I think of it like schrodinger's curse. it's both real and not real at the same time. all of the deaths can be explained away by circumstance, but that doesn't mean that the curse didn't cause them. I set it up so that it was completely up to interpretation. I hope that makes sense?

hmm that's an interesting take actually! I definitely think it was a combination of things that led to wilbur deciding to save tommy's life, but the ultimate deciding factor was simply that crimeboys have an unhealthy bond. wilbur will pull tommy back from death even if he's in the arms of his goddess, because he needs tommy by his side. tommy will fight to keep wilbur to himself and get jealous when he starts to heal and connect with other people. the two of them hurt each other because of how much they love each other. that was kind of the core of that whole thing, although I really like what you pointed out with the whole curse saving tommy's life in a way

glass!rocketduo are so interesting babygirls your logic is so screwed up <3

yeah, wilbur was set up to fail from the start. and it does help him find some kind of peace with it! it wasn't his fault, he wasn't a failure. schlatt was never going to listen to him for reasons outside his control.

yessss you get it, one of the primary themes is about relying on yourself and other people before relying on goddesses that might or might not choose to help you. the deities in glass are so far above humanity they can choose what they want to help with and when, and humanity is only left to try and understand why the goddesses do what they do but they'll never really be able to.

hmm that's also an interesting question... personally I think wilbur wouldn't pass on the teachings, but even then the priests would just do it for him so it wouldn't change much. I still think he would choose not to participate though.

thank you so much for the kind words i'm so glad you enjoyed!!!

[regryrth]

#drdtdevappreciation

Im so proud of how you all as a fandom handled this so well 💙 I know things are still pretty shaky in places and no one can rlly say this problem is “solved” or “forgiven” unless DRDT Dev specifically says so (which I dont mean to say they should or have to comment on anything, I know they mentioned theyre nervous and now uncomfortable interacting which I understand and accept responsibility for) But it really makes me happy to see how for the most part We’re turning something bad into appreciation. So for the fandom here. I appreciate all of you.

Even the ones who mightve gone too far. Just like me u had good or at least non malicious intent. Which turned out bad but there are still ppl who respectfully understand where youre coming from. Maybe its not wanted- But I appreciate and care for you too. I dont know how youre handling this all, But if its anything like how I did, I hope you understand nothing is ur fault just like how people have said it’s not entirely mine and not DRDT Devs. Even if it wasnt the best thing u couldve said in the moment. I understand u didnt want to harass anyone. It was a mistake made cause it’s human to act emotionaly have opinions and want to be understood with that. That can make ppl say and post things online that get deserved back-lash like I did. And the things u say can seriously hurt people like I did. I cant say how anyone else feels with everything thats happened But if Im right about everything so far. Its okay. To me at least which I guess isnt much. Even If u dont feel real remorse- You feel u were justified- But just dont want to be lectured in paregraphs over and over. Thats ok to me too. No one has to be completely justified in how they feel and it would be hyppocritical of me to say u do. And you shouldnt have to be looked at as any worse then the rest of us for stating your mind. Ur a great DRDT fan and person too and no one should claim any different for anyone. So while no one can throw around the word “forgive” for an incident that isnt ours to forgive- I “understand” u.

On a lighter note- The people who defended DRDT Dev without harassing anyone. U all acted so maturely in response to everything I honestly envy u a little. Does maturity and not making mistakes like these come one by one for you? When I make mistakes like this I feel like something with no real sense of right or wrong- Then I mess up and ppl come out to tell me where I went wrong and the “right” thing to do- And I piece together all the life lessons and “right” responses little by little until I feel safe with myself. Like a kintsugi piece. And like the cake in chapter 1! Did u have to do the same? I wonder if everyone experiences this. But thats not so relevant to appreciating you- So thank you for seeing every side. Even mine. Thank you for taking this whole situation and turning it into something good for everyone. We should talk about stuff like this more- While I still wish I hadnt posted that confession Im happy with whats been made of it- Even if the damage was still done. Because disrespecting and dehumanizing creators like DRDT Dev who put themselfs through so much to make wonderful content for us is never ok and to sweep it under the rug Like nothing ever happened is even worse. I know I requested the original post be deleted But Im ok with it being up on other blogs and posts because its important to hold stuff like this accountable and talk about it. And u guys did just that which is why Im so proud and thankful for u. This isnt a Thanksgiving dinner But u all deserve to be appreciated for doing good things too and supporting DRDT Dev.

And that brings me to who I appreciate the most- DRDT Dev. Everyone has said it so perfectly already I cant think of how to say it myself. But theyre so strong for going through all this. With their health. And going through and finding things like what I said. And other things none of us know about because they work to prioritize us over themself. And yet they still dont give up. They still keep going even with everything. They dont have to do this. But they do anyways and we should all appreciate them so much for that. Because sometimes we forget they and there team are human- I forgot that too. Doing things like my confession and taking their work for granted and other things is never ok. Im so happy we can do something to share our appreciation for DRDT, DRDT Dev and their team. Bad things and arguments and DRDT Dev being hurt by me had to happen first. I wish it didnt and that fandoms would give this much love and support to their creators without some incident happening first. But Im happy what happened let us appreciate the dev for there work now. And even if the DRDT Dev doesnt create side content anymore because of this- Its alright. They shouldnt have to push themselves past their boundaries or limits for us cause they already do so much. Even if we dont know much about them- We know enough to say theyre a wonderful person and we all love their content and them so much.

I know a lot of ppl apologized on my behalf and I suppose I wrote a longer apology to DRDT Dev and the fandom. But Ill say again as the anon themself- I am deeply sorry DRDT Dev for what I and others have said and done. I hope that you are well. And that youre able to see our appreciation through these posts.

I love you all 💙

[schizopositivity]

i have occassional bouts of catatonia (akinetic and excited) and i've never really met anyone else with it. would you be interested in talking more about what's it's been like for you?

if not, then i hope you have a good day/night regardless. also i love your blog. it's comforting and informative ^_^

aw thank you! and yay i love hearing about people with lived experience of catatonia cause its so hard to find people talk about what it feels like so im happy to share!

so all but one of my catatonic experiences happened before i was diagnosed or medicated for schizophrenia, and was a teenager, and was living with my immigrant mom who has very little understanding of schizophrenia (besides her horrible father) so she legit didnt know what to do with me at these times. i dont blame her for not knowing but this is just a disclaimer as to why she handled certain things the way she did.

there were a few times (maybe around 10) where i was left alone, saw a bunch of hallucinations and then conciously "woke up" (usually i was hiding under a table) to my mom yelling at me to move. and then i was just stuck. i couldnt move at all even tho i wanted to and was told to. she was usually freaking out herself and super worried about me. she thought i was "faking it" and would demand that i stop. obviously this didnt help my situation at all, all i wanted was to move and show her i could atleast act okay, but i couldnt. i would usually black out what had led up to me hiding under the table so i couldnt even explain this if i wanted to. i dont really remember how all of these situations resolved, just that it was very stressful and i would try to move any lil muscle but couldnt. i dont really know what would help in these situations, just that she probably shouldve gotten me professional help.

another memorable moment of catatonia for me kinda is hard for me to personally destinguish from some sort of dissociation just because i was in and out of conciousness. but what i do remember was me being in the passengers seat while my mom was driving and kinda bashing around and yelling and feeling like i had no control over those actions. my mom, being scared that i would hurt myself or her, couldnt think of anything to help besides forcing sleeping pills down my throat, which eventually knocked me out. in that moment i think i shouldve been taken to a hospital.

the most recent time ive experienced catatonia is the one i remember most clearly because i was already diagnosed at the time and on antipsychotics. i wasnt home alone, but i was alone in the room i was in. i dont rememeber what led up to it but i had a panic attack that left me sitting strangley on the floor. from there my breathing suddenly slowed down and i couldnt move at all. i felt compeltely stuck no matter what i did. i wanted to move so badly, i wanted to yell to the other people in the house to help me, but i couldnt. i felt stiff and uncomfortable, and in the moment it felt like id be stuck like that forever. after some time that felt very long had passed, and i had attempted to move every muscle i had, i was able to bend my elbow. so i did that over and over to try to get someones attention but it didnt work. i probably looked so "out of it" like i had drool and snot hanging down and was bending my elbow and extending it nonstop but i was fully aware of what i was doing and how i looked, i just couldnt do anything about it. after more time had passed i started moving my fingers and toes and everything else came after that. idk what wouldve helped in this situation since it did pass eventually, maybe just someone there to be with me and tell me it was going to be okay.

im no expert on catatonia i just have my experiences. its generally said that you should make sure the persons airways are clear and that they are in a confortable position and not close to any dangerous objects. its also said that you should take the person to the hospital, and for me i dont think thats needed. id just like someone i trust to be there and tell me its okay, to time it to see if it lasts longer than an hour than i should go to a hospital, and maybe try to move my limbs around to see if that would help.

[selamat-linting]

living after experiencing sa is so weird like, the same piece of writing about assault could do nothing or it could send me into a week long spiral and its just a matter of dumb luck or pure chance that determines my brains' reaction to it. i've had moments where im legitimately triggered in the middle of re-reading something i actually enjoy as porn. over the years i figured it was because i had small triggers that are abstract or wasnt easily noticeable or doesnt feel like anything until its in the spesific context of sa. like being trapped in an enclosed space with strangers, begging to be sent home, being deceived, having your preferences and interests weaponized against you, the really lonely and painful walk home afterwards where no one comes to save you but maybe its better off this way since you dont want to be seen, those are things im particularly sensitive with. for example, a few years ago i got really messed up about this anecdote of a kid who got kidnapped by a neighbor for a few hours. he offered to see his cat and then lock them up in a room while theyre playing with said kittens. nothing actually happens but that made me legit depressed for a few days. while im fine talking with my friend about an incident where she got followed by a creepy guy who groped her while she's walking home. both situations are horrifying and bad ofc, but i cant exactly communicate or find an easy way to filter out the bad. like, i can handle hearing the graphic details, the bare bones account of what happens, but if it touches on how the victim was tricked or deceived or gets taken advantage of, even when its basically the least upsetting part, i just couldnt do it.

idk, maybe its because my experience was more in the mental stuff. yeah sure, it was only some groping, an almost kiss, and some sex talk. but the context was that i asked for help, someone friendly comes along, they say theyre just helping me but turns out they actually have ulterior motives. i was stuck in a car for hours to god knows where, fully knowing i was gonna get raped when the car eventually stops, trying to plead or at least delay it with someone i thought was a friend without being too harsh because i know they could do even worse things if i drop this thin veneer of friendliness we got going on. and all the while this asshole kept touching me in spots i didnt even realize was a sensitive place for me and i had to keep a straight face the whole time because if they see a hint that i liked it, its over. did i like though? yeah. do i want it? fuck no. never in a million years. and i felt betrayed because im supposed to have that moment of discovery with a boyfriend or a girlfriend and it was supposed to be nice and comforting but its not. and i might associate gentle touches with this forever. and there's also a part of me that said, hey somebody wants me. dont you want to be wanted? i might as well enjoy it because no one's gonna offer me hot car sex like this. i should try to get myself wet! this is a new experience that i should just see the bright side of. im supposed to be a kinky slut right? i just turned 20. and after all, i promised myself, after the first time i had my sa as a kid, the next time it happens im gonna fight. and what am i doing right now? i'm just running my mouth. im laughing at my soon to be rapists' joke and i tell him we should meet up later instead of doing everything right now since i had work later in the day. this isnt fighting, its bargaining. and all the while im wondering if i look pretty while im doing this. i hope i look pretty. im just wearing sweatshirt and pajama pants. this is sick, why do i want to look good while im sexually assaulted?

i never told this to anyone except a friend. but even she didnt get the whole account. she just know it happens. its the part that actually upsets me that i didnt tell her. the whole violated trust thing. and how dumb i am for instantly accepting help from an acquaintance i dont even know that well. and what happens after the car stops. all she knows is that when it stops, i pushed him off of me and i left the car and run.

to her it just seems like im valiantly fighting off an asshole. she didnt know that after i ran, a bunch of men saw me running. they asked me if i need help. they were kind. but i thought of the hassle of reporting to the police, being grilled with questions, have my entire behavior scrutinized, and my parents vacillating between unhelpful anger or chastising me for being so trusting and eventually isolating me because i cant be trusted to exist in a public space without being harassed and god i dont want to miss work today and theyre gonna ask why if i had to miss a day and theyre gonna know too. so obviously i shut up. i couldnt say anything. the fuck who assaulted me came, and get this, i went back to his car. i didnt sit next to him, i was sitting at the backseat, and he was angry and yelled at me the entire time while driving me back to the closest bus station. i didnt say anything, and i actually paid him money before leaving. i was a coward.

in hindsight, what happens after the next few month after that was just me trying to compensate for the shame and utter incompetence i felt. i thought i was good at being confrontational and assertive, but when it actually matters, i cant speak. it was awful. i mean, it was a moment of self improvement, i did evolve from being an awkward self-important debate kid to an adult who relies on being good with persuading people for a living. im proud of that. but the feeling of helplessness still remains. im still afraid that when it happens again, i'd just clam up like usual. even though i already successfully fend off several people trying to fuck with me before anything that bad ever happens because im a hot saleswoman now. it felt weird calling myself a victim or a survivor because, it just happens. i didnt survive shit nor do i want to be a victim. i dont want to be pitied. and i dont want to be called brave or anything because im anything but.

except that everytime something reminds me of my sa incident, i kept having this urge to tell somebody, and i'd wrote a long paragraph detailing everything that happened including all of the uncomfortable details that didnt make me look good as a victim. and then i'd delete it before sending because its not good to tell your personal triggers online right? but i have no one i want to talk about this irl. and i cant imagine any well-meaning response that doesnt make me angry. i kept thinking about it. if anyone acknowledged this happens to me, i have no socially acceptable response. im not sure if anyone could understand or be sympathetic. i mean, imagine someone told you a grave secret about them and then they get angry and throw a tantrum when you say youre keeping their secret to the grave. youre in the right to be angry and confused at them. and its one thing to write a retrospective like this, and its another thing talk about it directly. i wouldnt be self aware to control myself. i'd just ruin another friendship because i got pissed off for no discernable reason.

i dont really know where im going with this. i think i just wanted to get this out of my system. its been what? three years? im sick of keeping that shit in. i think i just need to talk about it, sort of like a confessional before moving on for good. anyway, your usual shitposting will resume shortly. bye bitch!

[traumatizeddfox]

how do i leave my abuser?

obviously for everyone its going to be different but here are some tips that worked for me! it might not work for everyone, and everyones situation is completely different, and were all different people.

I also want to point out, if you dont leave your abuser or you go back, you did not fail and that it is okay, its so hard to leave them.

so heres some tips i have from my exp

1) write down everything they do to you ( it doesnt matter if you think its stupid, if it hurts you, write it down, u can add dates if you want) i find writing down helped me when i would assume he was going to be good again, but that would be my rock to remember he was awful.

2) I feel like this ads onto step 1 but try to understand about trauma bonding, and how it affects your brain. Its basically like stockholm syndrome

3) try to learn their schedule, know when they will be gone ( i know this isnt always possible) but this can help you. if you can make a break for it then, do it.

4) i suggest if you can, reach out to a friend, support group system, family, etc and tell them whats happening. using code works can help too, so if you are in danger you can text or call someone and use the word but this doesnt always help or work.

5) another thing is to get all your important papers if you have them: bank cards, ID cards, SIN cards, birth certificate. Anything that has value that cant really be replaced, try to get them all together and have them in safe place.

6) try to leave as quickly, as you can. it really depends on you, and what you think you can handle. if you're able to just leave your house/apartment/etc, do it. But sometimes you need to contact people for an escape plan.

7)stay somewhere where they wont know you are. You dont want them to come find you, and its better to find a place where they cant find you, or wont know where you are but obvs i know this isnt always the case and not everyone has a place to go to. There should be local domestic violence or shelters that you can stay at (although this may be different depending on location)

8) block them, and dont respond. you have to cut contact with them, its like a drug and it will hurt like a fucking bitch, but i promise you, it will be so fucking worth it. there will be a day, where you will realize what truly happened, and its goings to hurt, but it will be so much better than them hurting you.

if they hit you, they will try to kill you one day. <-- i remember a detective saying this, and it stuck with me.

a few more things to add

-everyones story is different, everyones abuse is different, and this is just as general as I can get because I don't know your story.

-if you can, get police involved but just know this can add to a whole lot more stuff, and can be scary.

-dont listen to their sob story. it doesnt matter, your safety matters

-getting a secondary phone or a new phone is a great way to stay safe, and i also suggest changing your social media to all private, and maybe going by an alias.

-change passwords. I remember my ex hacked into my facebook to find where i was.

-try to not disclose any info where you are, if youre afraid for your life/

-making a google drive account and uploading proof is also a good thing to do! or keeping on an usb

-also if you drive, check for gps tracker on your car, i know some abusers do this.

also have grace for urself. you arent a bad person, you arent what they said you are, it wasnt your fault.

if no one believes you, you must believe yourself.

omg okay that was a long ass answer, and i know it was generic! but i hope this helps you, or anyone else!

[noxiatoxia]

Ep 15 where Hikaru holds Kaoru's hand trembling because he was scared for his safety... that shit fuckin HITS. I love how well Hikaru and Kaoru were able to use their trickster personas to hide the fact that that Wasnt Planned, and how it was silently agreed to do that because anything else would be Too Genuinely Vulnerable.

And how Hikaru is worried too!! How Kaoru has to comfort Hikaru when it really should be the other way around, but Hikaru legit just Cannot handle his own emotions and needs Kaoru to comfort him about his worry. Like!!! Ive been in situations where I've had to comfort somone because they were really worried about me and part of me was a little annoyed, like 'this really should be about me rn', but a much bigger part of me was overwhelmed by the emotions of someone being so worried about me that they Needed to hold my hand to make sure im there and alive and okay. Now I don't think Kaoru was too surprised by Hikarus response given, well, their whole dynamic, but I still like to think its something he secretly likes but knows he shouldnt. Like ofc he doesnt want to get hurt. But like. Idk he cant deny that the very outward worry from someone he loves as much as Hikaru is a bit addicting. So I like to think he hides his injuries from him generally, in part as to not worry Hikaru because he cares about him. But also because he likes his response Too Much. Hope that makes sense lmao

Also as an aside because ive been thinking about it, in episode 16 I love just how much is shown to the audience about the twins dynamic in their tiny interaction where Kaoru follows after Hikaru after his outburst about Arai. Like Kaoru doesnt even really console him, he like. Makes fun of his temper. But his tone of voice is so different than usual, much softer and sincere sounding, at least in the dub. And i just love how they showed that they're very open and honest about their feelings with eachother. Theyre not good communicators (well Hiakru isnt), but they dont have to be with eachother. They just know what the other intends. I also love how Hikaru doesnt redirect his anger to Kaoru, something that would be so easy to do, especially given that he doesnt understand his own emotions. He's just is kinda gruff and open with him. And Kaoru is just as open in that he doesnt agree with Hikarus behavior. But it doesnt come across like a disagreement because they're just. So in sync. Kaoru just wants Hikaru to be better and learn and Hikaru couldnt be actually pissy with him even if he's pissed generally. Idk just those episodes are just so damn good. Episode 16 is a bit hard to watch for me tho, cause of how majorly dickish Hiakru is, which sucks because its one of my favorites

AUGH AGUH IT TRULY IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD...I LOOOOVE Hikaru's overreactions in the show. Being separate from Kaoru, seeing him get hurt, he goes APESHIT. He's so fucking unhealthily codependant it's awesome.......But also, I think it's usually the quick succession or severity of these things. Like, Hikaru CAN be alone as we've seen in episode 16, but I think sudden and forceful separation makes him panic like in ep 21. Same with Kaoru being wounded. I think what scared him the most was how quick it happened, and the fact Kaoru legit could have died or gotten seriously injured if the vase fell on his head. Kaoru seems to be a lot more calm in these situations like in ep 26 where he has every right to fucking panic about Hikaru being flung off of the [REDACTED] bc let's be real....based on the way he fell he should have broke a rib or his neck not his arm. And while Kaoru was super worried obviously he didn't go into panic mode like Hikaru would have. Whether it's simply a better grasp on his emotions (doubtful) or him masking as to not maybe make Hikaru panic more is for debate. I just think it's interesting they both react in their own ways to the other being injured.

That reminds me, I have...2 fics I should prob finish one day about either Hitachiin getting hurt and the other freaking out lol. One is based off that part in ep 26

Now I don't think Kaoru was too surprised by Hikarus response given, well, their whole dynamic, but I still like to think its something he secretly likes but knows he shouldnt. Like ofc he doesnt want to get hurt. But like. Idk he cant deny that the very outward worry from someone he loves as much as Hikaru is a bit addicting. So I like to think he hides his injuries from him generally, in part as to not worry Hikaru because he cares about him. But also because he likes his response Too Much. Hope that makes sense lmao

THIS ^^^^^^^^ I 100% agree. I think considering how unhealthily codependent they are, Kaoru would absolutely get some sort of validation and dopamine over Hikaru worrying about him. It cements to Kaoru that Hikaru still cares, something he worries about a lot. He knows (thinks) they won't be close forever, knows (thinks) that they'll drift apart sometime here, and so getting those reactions from Hikaru is a way of comforting him, by letting him know it's not that time yet and Hikaru still cares.

Like you said, I think Kaoru (unless he was very mentally unwell, which I CAN see in specific settings or instances) wouldn't try to hurt himself or put himself in dangerous situations to get a reaction out of his brother. For the most part he would hide that aspect of himself and by extension any injury he got because he feels really guilty and weird that he gets a sense of euphoria over driving Hikaru up a wall with worry. So it's better to just not engage at all.

ALSO YEAH episode 16 was such a good episode to show case the differences and ways the twins handle individual conflict. I love that scene in the bedroom, showing how the twins can be snappy with each other but you can clearly tell it doesn't mean anything malicious. It's just how they talk, which makes sense. I also really love just....uhhhhghghgh Kaoru. Kaoru who orchestrated a whole date for his brother just to teach him some important life lesson, coming to terms he couldn't teach that to Hikaru himself. Juxtaposed to ep 21 where he's afraid of "losing" HIkaru, there's some bitter irony in the fact it's all Kaoru's own fault Hikaru is as open as he is now, as he directly pushed his brother to be those things, and the fact that even KNOWING he's the reason he still can't let go as he tails his brother around in ep 16, it's so so so fucking good. I think a lot of people forget Kaoru is JUST as emotional as Hikaru, and this episode portrays it well. Kaoru is just very quiet about his emotions, and so his need to always be involved in Hikaru's life, his fear of losing him, translates to, basically, micromanaging and stalking him. Which is Not Healthy and I think a lot of people think just cuz Kaoru doesn't have violent outbursts like Hikaru does that means he's not as emotional which just isn't true at all.

I think it's funny you dislike how much of a petulant brat Hikaru was in that episode. I mean tbf, the show WANTS you to disagree with him because the point of the episode is to teach him that important lesson, but I found it personally hilarious the fact he acted like that. It's very, very Hikaru to get Angry at any emotion and situation you don't understand. I will say tho I do have issues rewatching ep 16 because it is So Much Emotional Baggage for me. I care too much about these paper drawings and so I care Too Much watching the episode.

Also cuz I view the hika/haru stuff in a completely platonic way cuz I think it's better for the story and I know the author and stuff meant for it to be romantic which semi pisses me off. Hikaru could never pull a woman. Don't make me laugh.

However, he SHOULD have gone on an apology date with Arai. That would have been awesome.

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

life's been okay. nothing special. days just keep on going. ive had a job for bout 2 weeks. ig thats not really an achievement tbh.

before this, that work from home place i was barely working, prolly 5-10 hours a week. and i'd slither out of those where possible anyway. this one week i worked a whopping 2 hours within 2 weeks. I was planning on killing myself and occasionally tried to all throughout having those jobs so i wasn't really worried about the consequences

before that the only other in person job i had was for my ex best friend. she worked there so i applied and got a job o work with her. only for her to quit 2 weeks after i got in whiich lead me to quit prolly a week n a half later cause i finally got fed up with the manager.

so now, even tho it ain't the longest ive held down a place, its the first that i really cared to put in effort to hold a job.

im semi celebrating but im honestly miserable. my feet hurt so fucking bad so it literally doesnt matter how good my hours are i never want to leave my bed. the people up there are so cliquey and on my 2nd day out of training one of my coworkers went off on me for going too slow and "not putting in my part". theyre starting to give me longer and longer shifts. i went from working 3-4 8 hour shifts per week to working 3 doubles just like that. they sooo generously give an hour and a half break in between the 6:30-3 and 4:30-8 shift but.. who in their right mind is even leaving atp? i live too far for that. i'd be home for at most an hour. waste of gas.

and to me what's worse, this whole situation is exactly what i've been avoiding. i knew it'd come down to this someday. but what alternative do i have?

HA. you know as a kid, i never understood addiction. I never thought I'd have to deal with it. By the time I was 8 I knew I'd kill myself someday. if i ever felt bad, that'd be what i'd do. no need to force myself to do something i didnt really wanna do. but now it seems so easy. i don't know what i wanna do from here. i hate my job. i hate my home life. i dont like to talk to my friends anymore. im bored of games. im bored of music. bored of tv.

whisking the days away doing what i have to would be a lot easier if i didnt have to be fully present for all of this. just something to pass the time until i have a better handle on what's the next move. right now, the only thing i can do is save up money. i have shit to pay off if i wanna keep a good credit score and i have things i need to buy. what's me hating every second gonna change?

though i know it's a slippery slope. abusing shit aint gon work out as smooth as I wish it would. I'll get addicted and then I'll get used to feeling that way so it'll take more for me not to get annoyed. then it'll turn back to me immediately running back to it for every minor situation. and honestly with the job i got i'd just have to hope i would be able to push through it without it being noticeable

i'm not happy i stopped. i feel like had i still been on dph i would've known for a fact how to make myself look normal. i could be gone out my mind but long as i get the shit right i could just daze through the days. but ya know. now. i ratted myself out

and now im stuck.

nothing more for me to do. nothing else i could be doing. nothing else i should be worried about other than making money

I never understood why adults always told me i'd miss being a kid since i was always struggling so bad. all they ever said is that my problems then were gonna feel like nothing once i was an adult. but they were wrong. i guess for now. but all i wish now is that i used all that freetime back when nooo one woulda suspected anything if i was away for a lil while. back when i wasnt ful grown and it'd prolly take a whooole lot less to finish the job

but here we are. forced to keep going and doing what i can to suppress what i really wanna do

ah speaking of which... i got pissed the other day and i tossed one of my drawers and broke it. then broke my bottle for my vitamins by throwing it to the ground. then i accidentally knocked over this container of beads and instead of just sweeping it back into the thing and reducing the mess, i just kicked it as hard as i could and tore the container apart. there's still beads everywhere

that is something i can't force myself to contain anymore. everything else i've been dealing with fine but when im pissed im pissed. i gotta get that under control too

[in-my-feels-probably]

Hi!! Congrats on 1.5k!! May I have a romantic marauders era option 2 match up please? I go by she/her and am bi with no preference, so any gender is fine.

I’m about 5’5, dark blue eyes, medium length hair thats kinda too dark to be dirty blonde but not so dark that its light brown with slightly lighter blonde highlights throughout. Ive been told I typically wear what would be considered 90s type of style but leaning away from more feminine things tho I’m not opposed to dresses and all. 

I do get pretty anxious when thrown in certain situations rather that be talking to a group of people or just one person. But on occasion and definitely when I get to know someone I never stop talking. I am a ranter and rambler which means I could be ranting about something that happened and then start talking about something else that may or may not be related to the original subject. Basically I will always find something to talk about though I do enjoy listening to other people talk. I am considered the mom friend because I tend to be the most logical. Im also a very determined, stubborn person who usually is kinda pessimistic but still has a huge imagination. And despite all the anxiety I am usually a relatively confident person and am not afraid to take up for anyone I care about. Also I am pretty good in school despite having a kinda bad memory. Also an INTJ, Sagittarius, and Ravenclaw. 

I absolutely love writing and have for the longest time rather that be random original stories I make up or the various fanfics I have(lol). I also love drawing and painting and recently realized I’m actually pretty good at making art related to animals and the occasional landscape. I’ve also been a big music fan since I was a kid, I honestly dont know what I would do without it. I also really enjoy reading when I get the chance, like I could spend hours getting consumed by whatever I’m reading. Which also travels into me when I’m watching things. As in I spend a good bit of time just binge watching new or old shows. I also really like walking around and enjoying nature. Theres a few nature trails I love going on and would go to the zoo every weekend if I had the chance. Which also goes along to my love for animals. Also I do like going to random places with my friends. 

And thats about all I can think of to say, hope it wasnt too much lol. But anyways, thanks in advance :)

hi!

thanks for participating :)

since you have no gender preference, i’ll tell you who i ship you with out of both the boys and the girls, and then do the full thing for who i think is better suited for you.

i ship you with remus and marlene! i’m gonna go with remus for this, hope that’s alright :)

i think remus is a lot like you. he can handle himself in social situations, but he’s also pretty well off on his own. he knows how to entertain himself and not push his own social boundaries. and his friends would respect that when he got a little distant, knowing he needed a little time alone. but i do think it would make him a bit lonely. and he’d be lonely, even when he didn’t feel like doing anything. he’d have you there to be with him, even if you weren’t talking. you’d just enjoy each other’s presence. and as you got closer and you opened up to him a bit more, he’d find it a lot easier to talk to you, in a group situation or not. and he’d know your tells for when you were all hanging out in a group, and he’d know when you were getting overwhelmed or uncomfortable, and you’d do the same for him. it would be easy to tell what the other person needed. overall, he’d really enjoy talking to you. he’d find your rambling cute, and he’d love talking about all your niche little interests.

i’m not sure what remus would think of art, but he definitely enjoys reading. he’d love hearing about all your story ideas, and he’d help you with them. he’d also love hanging out and listening to music with you. it would probably be one of the main things you talked about. it’s one of his biggest interests, and he’d be happy to have you indulge him on it.

idk why i keep getting stuck on this, but i feel like there would be a little academic rivals trope going on between you too. even if one of you didn’t do as well academically as the other, there’s still be some sort of competitiveness between you both. really, it was just an excuse for remus to tease you and mess with you. he didn’t really care whether or not you scored better than him. but it would for sure be an ego boost for you when you did.

—

he’d find you one day in the library where you were working on a story idea you had been talking about a few days before. he’d smirk as he sat down, putting his things on the table next to you.

“studying, huh? looks like you need it after that last exam.”

he’d chuckle as you shoved him, picking up your notebook. “oh, piss off! i’m writing, remus—not studying. and i didn’t score all that low below you anyway.”

“i know,” he’d smile, reaching over to gently slide your notebook over. “just teasing, love. what are you writing about? that idea you told me about last week?”

you’d immediately light up, excitedly explaining to him. he’d listen as you told him about what you had written so far, every once in a while piping in to give you new ideas. he couldn’t help but smile, loving how excited you got talking about your work.

you’d pause after a minute, setting your book aside. “didn’t you say you were gonna study with sirius? go ahead, im good here.”

he’d shake his head, pulling out some of his textbooks. “he’ll be alright without me…it’s you i’m more worried about.”

he’d dodge another hit and you’d feign anger, but you both couldn’t help but smile.

—

thanks again for participating! hope you liked this :)