#i dont think i still hate that thing but the feeling i had yesterday was very similar to wgat i felt that day

[jrueships]

im going into my new work tomorrow, first time ever😐

[basofy]

playing the entirety of mother3's chapters 2 and 3 as fast as i could cuz my cousin was playing claus journey and i was trying to help her get to chapter 4 to play as claus only to be welcomed by that ionia scene gave me the same feeling like when lisa DE released and i played thru area 1 at the speed of light only to be welcomed with grooming campfire conversation

[minglana]

one hr to and back from the city center just to get my glasses fixed. cool.👍🏼

[princessbrunette]

puppy!reader trying to break up with rafe or just distancing herself because she overheard someone saying they couldn’t understand how rafe could be with a pogue and it hurts her feelings and has her overthinking :( (obviously rafe later on gets her to tell him who said that and he deals with it)

꒰ ౨ৎ .ᐟ .ᐣ ᡣ𐭩

he was used to you being all over him. if you weren’t constantly yapping in his ear, you were using him like a climbing frame, subtly rubbing your needy cunt on his leg or trying to stick a body part of his in your mouth. so, the difference in your behaviour all of a sudden was palpable.

you’d been at the country club. not particularly because you liked it there, you knew despite recently joining the kook life people still saw you as less than — but you had to say, the icecream they served was top notch, and you wouldn’t keep yourself away despite being told off plenty of times by rafe for overdoing it on the sugar and then getting hyperactive.

you step away from the counter with your cone, smiling to yourself at the small victory when your ears picks up on a conversation round the corner. you stop in your tracks, realising it’s about you.

“i mean she’s definitely hot, i’ll give him that. in like, a weird way. she’s got the whole ‘fuck me daddy’ thing going on, you know. she’s helpless. rafes gotta be fuckin’ her.” a kook you didn’t even recognise comments, sipping at his beer.

“dont be weird, bro.” another turns his nose up.

“its true! i dont care man, i know rafe — he fuckin’ hates pogues, he wouldn’t be caught dead with one, ‘specially not one as obvious as her. the girls a mess, and mommy and daddy suddenly coming into money ain’t gonna change that about her.”

your heart sinks as you continue to listen to the berating. in the north carolina heat, icecream didn’t stay structurally sound for long — and you’re only dragged out of your eavesdropping session when the dome of strawberry icecream slides straight off its podium, splatting on the floor besides your sandals, leaving you with just the cone in your hand. you stare down at it, barely registering the loss.

you’d overthought it— something rather uncommon of you. when a few hours had passed, and rafe hadn’t had you hurtling through his front door with a ladybug on your finger or something of the sorts, he actually wondered where you might be— so he showed up at your door.

you wasn’t expecting him. he never chased you, always letting you come to him first — but something felt off, and his curiosity got the better of him.

“w—what is this, you not comin’ over to bother me today?” he shakes his head and your brows crease, staring at the eldest cameron in your doorway.

“no…” you reply quietly, even going the extra length to avoid his eyes. you weren’t trying to be obvious about it, but you couldn’t help that you were upset. he stares at you for a moment, unnerved by your unusual mood.

“…well can i come in or what?”

you allow him, purely because despite your mood you didn’t like to be impolite.

“whats up with you? i already told you to stop watchin’ those animal planet documentaries, kid. they upset you, alright i—”

“i wasn’t.” you snap, and he looks over — your tone grabbing his attention from wandering around your living room, seeing you standing in the corner clutching yourself like you didn’t know what to do. you were so used to being all over him that standing by yourself felt odd.

he scratches his cheek awkwardly, eyes flickering over you. “shit, you mad at me or somethin’?”

slowly, you sit down on the couch, tucking your feet beneath you.

“i’m just trying to give you space.”

he huffs a laugh out from his chest, thinking you’re joking — but his smile fades a little when he sees that you’re not. “yeah? you were all over me yesterday, now what — you shy?”

“i’m a pogue.” you raise your voice over his just a tad, bringing your knees to your chest. the statement catches him off guard, and he sways awkwardly on the spot, watching you.

“yeah no shit. so what.” he drawls, and his agreement stings.

“you hate pogues. so… you hate me.” you draw the conclusion and he fights an eyeroll, walking over to where you’re sat briskly.

“listen if i hated you you’d fuckin’ know about it, alright? i don’t hate you. you’re a pain in my ass, but… but nah.” he shakes his head, settling down on the seat next to you and pushing his hair back, not enjoying the idea of being vulnerable. it made him a little uncomfortable. “where… where is this coming from anyways? since when did you give a shit ‘bout all that?”

“since the people at the club were saying stuff.” you mutter, and now he’s really invested. his head snaps towards you, arm freezing in the air from pushing his hair out of his face. he could tolerate the weird moods, but he wouldn’t tolerate people disrespecting you or him.

“huh?”

your lip starts to tremble at the memory, voice growing higher as you speak. “there was a group of boys, and they were saying i was a mess and that im nothing and that you had to be fucking me because that’s the only thing i could offer you and i dropped my icecream and—”

“what?” he turns his whole body towards you as you let out a quiet sob, wide eyes darting between your wet one.

“i dropped my icecream!”

“no— kid, who was saying this shit?” his outrage is somewhat comforting and you sniffle, wiping your snotty nose on the back of your hand.

“i don’t know his name. he had a green shirt on.”

he leans back in his seat for a moment, wiping hands down his face — a little frustrated with your inability to identify the culprits. he pushes his palms into his eyes for a moment, realising it’s not your fault — and you were already upset. sighing out his nose, he looks at you once more, shuffling as close to you as he can.

“quit listenin’ to nobodies at the club, a’ight? you… you think people don’t say shit about me? running their mouth about my private business? they — they do, alright— but what i don’t do is cry about it n’let them think they won. i handle that shit, like i’m gonna handle this.”

you blink at him, hanging onto his every word. you really were adorable, and as much as he’ll never admit it, his heart softens at how sweet you were by nature. you didn’t deserve to be picked on by people that weren’t him.

“how do you know who they are?” you tilt your head, really emulating a puppy and he presses his lips together, shrugging a shoulder and shaking his head.

“uh, you’re gonna point ‘em out next time we go to the club. i’ll… i’ll handle it from there.”

you nod, hating that you’ve caused any kind of conflict at all, eyes drifting towards as you burrow yourself into thoughts of guilt. before you can think too much, rafe grips your jaw — meaning well, but still carrying that boyish roughness. “hey. you’re my girl, alright? i don’t let shit slide.”

he’d never called you his girl before, so instantly — you’re all sniffly smiles, launching at him to clamber onto his lap once more.

꒰ ౨ৎ .ᐟ .ᐣ ᡣ𐭩

[heyitslapis]

.

[bluegiragi]

I hate to ask this cause it feels stupid but I dont wanna do a bunch of research on whatever the recent cod mw fandom discourse is,

but I saw the reblog of someone accusing you of supporting people who write sexualized pedophilia and that really is personally my only """"moral"""" with nsfw shit, (I'm a patreon subscriber and ig I just wanna know where my money's going) is THAT true?

i used to follow an artist who, 5-6 months ago made racist art featuring gaz and soap in a slave context, which I didn't like, retweet or interact with in any way. they also made under-age art of ghost soap, which I also didn't interact with . people on twitter called me out yesterday, for retweeting (months before this incident) other art they'd made as evidence I stood by/encouraged/was an avid fan of all these tropes. The art I retweeted wasn't either of these previous examples of art, but one where ghost and soap were sleeping in a bed together, as adults, peacefully. I can't emphasise enough that I have not interacted with this artist at all, for over six months. The callout in question has framed me as a close friend of theirs when, in truth, our total timeline of interactions could probably be counted on one hand, and I haven't interacted with her in so long that I genuinely forgot I was still following her.

The crux of all is this is that I did not unfollow + block this artist earlier on when the racist art was posted months ago, and then I retweeted a fic tagged with "non-con" (ghost gets soap off in a context where he can't really properly consent, they're in front of a crowd of strangers and they have to fuck, but both parties are into each other) written by a friend as I wanted to support their writing.

The pedophile claims are because I retweeted a fandom bingo post that defended loli-con without reading all the squares properly, and then immediately un-retweeted it when I properly read it. All in all, the post was on my account for maybe a few minutes.

The zoophile claims are because people say i support someone who wrote zoophilic fic and called people slurs, and I genuinely don't know who they're talking about there.

The anti-asian racism claims come from the original accusers in the callout thread thinking that I made Horangi's eyes in the monster!AU sensitive as a way of making fun of Asian eyes. The real reason is because he's a cat hybrid in that AU and cats are sensitive to light.

I tried addressing all this in a casual way earlier on in a misguided attempt to sort things out more 'civilly', and responded to an ask talking about my "support" for the artist who drew the slave Gaz art by saying the fanart in question was tone deaf and in poor taste. It wasn't enough for some people, so I'm happy to say it clearly- yes, it was racist, and the reason why I didn't want to be more aggressive is because I didn't want to extend all this mess by throwing this artist directly to the wolves - I genuinely believed them at the time when they said that wasn't that their intention, and think they should've deleted the post at the time, but not unfollowing was a decision that I made. I know now upon reflection that it was naive of me, unwarranted and frankly irresponsible to take a stranger at face value and believe they had good intentions, when the act of not deleting the post in question was evidence of a lack in remorse. In the moment, I'd thought back to my own personal experience with a friend of mine who used an asian slur in my company, who later sincerely apologised and legitimately cleaned up his act after I gave him a second chance. It informed my choice to not unfollow at the time, but there's a difference between someone you know irl for months and a stranger on the internet you've interacted with a few times. I shouldn't have coddled them in my response, and I'm sorry for not treating it with the severity it deserved. It was callous, and stupid, and indicative of internal biases that I ever thought it was a light enough offence to "see through", and I deeply deeply apologise. I promise from the bottom of my heart to do better.

That's everything so far. I didn't unfollow an artist when I absolutely should've, which i'll always strongly regret. I also retweeted a properly-tagged fic on my clearly 18+ nsfw account. I've undone both of those actions now. I hope this can be the end of it.

[lvlyghost]

Hi I just read your “The Things I Never Said” oneshot and loved it. Can I get a kind of opposite version where Simon wishes to be a dad but the reader never wants to be a mom so she freaks out and gets an abortion with out Simons knowledge and later he somehow finds out? Maybe angst to fluff? Totally ignore this if you dont want to, have a wonderful day/night.

The Things I Wish I Said

Pairings: Simon "Ghost" Riley x F!Reader

Summary: You decide to end things with Simon after what you did.

Word Count: 1.7k

Tw: hurt, comfort, angry simon, angst, implied abortion. Not proofread.Think that's it but lmk if i missed anything!🐸

A/N: here it is! I hope this doesn't disappoint and that it lives up to your expectations 😰🤞🏻 I really enjoyed writing this one and since it's similar to my previous fic decided to name it quite similar. ✨💞

Masterlist✨Masterpost

He doesn't know. You stare at Simon's gargantuan body as he barks orders to the new recruits. Things have been rather... tense lately. And it's all because of you.

Yesterday had taken a toll on you. A big piece of your heart and soul lost forever in that godamn clinic. You can still smell the perfume of the nurse, feel the hands of the doctor as he tried to comfort you. You're deadly pale, tired and numb. That's why you're sitting on the other side of the field, watching the rest of your team training as usual. Nothing changes for them. You on the other hand? Can't even look at Simon in the eyes. Not anymore. The one thing he wanted the most was also the one you were the most reluctant to. It just wasn't you.

You didn't have it in your DNA. To be a mother. To carry a baby in your arms. And not because you're selfish, but you had decided a long time ago that having children was off the table.

Even when everybody would say 'you'll change your mind when you find the one'. Well it was a blatant lie because you found him. You loved Simon. You'd do whatever he asked of you. Just not this. And you hate yourself for it.

You lied to him and didn't mention anything. Didn't tell him you were pregnant with his offspring.

Couldn't even bare to maintain a conversation with him. And he's starting to notice the way your body startles when he reaches out to you. How you avoid his gaze or not kiss him anymore.

"Feeling better?" He questions, strong arms crossed. Simon doesn't fully look down where you sit but side eyes you. He awaits. You're looking out to the field, ignoring his presence as you swallow the lump in your throat.

"Not really, Lieutenant." You simply add, in a hushed tone.

He sighs but doesn't move, starting to lose his patience. He's trying so hard to understand why you're acting like this. He's preoccupied. Anxious. Yet doesn't let it show, remaining stoic as ever.

"Wanna talk about it, Sergeant?" Biting down on your lip and fidgeting with your hands you shake your head. Simon rubs his face, annoyed that whatever the fuck is happening is driving the both of you apart, so he sits down on the bench next to you. "What is it?" He turns his head to you. Arms resting on his knees.

"Simon..." you warn him with a sad tone.

"No. That's an order."

"Sir, we're done here..." One of the recruits shouts from the other side.

"You bloody keep going until I tell you to stop!" He seethes, making you flinch.

Resting your head on your hands, start thinking about the inevitable. About what you're going to do. Your heartbeat racing when you feel his eyes on you again.

"Simon..." you say. "I... I- don't think we should be together right now." It hurts deep inside because all that's left is the rustling of wind and the voices of the soldiers around. You don't turn to see his reaction, probably wouldn't be able to stand it. It's not because you didn't love him. In fact, you loved him more than he could imagine. It's what you did behind his back what's eating you alive. And the best way you can seem to cope with it is to leave him.

Not a sound comes from him for the next few seconds. Until you finally find the courage to look his way. Blue eyes scan your body.

"As you wish, kid." He whispers. You can't see it but he's already spiraling down to a dark place.

The one good thing he had...

-

"I've had enough!" Soap's voice booms in the hallway and then your door bursts open. You shriek, standing up from the bed. "I can't stand it anymore lass. You've gotta talk to him." He says.

"Johnny... we've talked about this." You murmur.

"No. I'm being serious! Ghost is more irritated than usual, he almost punched me for saying he needed to get laid. The bloody hell happened to you both?" His eyebrows furrow. "You need to figure this out, otherwise..."

"It's complicated." You deadpan.

"Well then bloody make it right! Steaming fucking Jesus you two acting like fucking children. Grow the hell up."

You had never seen Johnny this mad.

Of course you were aware of Ghost's attitude since you two broke up. And it's only been three weeks. You've been attending the military counselor since then, it's a sorrowful feeling when you think about Simon, while you talk about him. About what led to the end of your relationship or whatever it was that you two had going on.

"I believe what you went through was hard and painful. But I do think that he deserves an answer." she had insisted. "He needs to know."

It was easier said than done. Every time you thought about going to his room or wherever he'd be you got this uneasy feeling, like he somehow despised you now. That all the soft smiles and gentle caressing that were once just for you had turned into frowns and harsh commands. Dismissing you whenever you showed up to training. Not even making eye contact during debriefs. Walking right past you in the corridor. You can't help but wonder if the baby's eyes would've been more like him or yours.

Stop.

The counselor said it was a type of ptsd and that therapy would help you get through it.

"The first step is to let yourself feel that pain, make amends with it, and then go see him."

"I'll try to talk to him Johnny. I promise." You murmur, jaw clenching.

The mere thought of going to speak to Simon made your hands sweat and your heart beat frantically.

Three days after the conversation with Soap, you stand in front of Simon's bedroom door. Blinking rapidly as your mind races with all the things you ought to say. It's almost one in the morning, unable to sleep you decided the conversation couldn't wait any longer. You couldn't wait anymore. Swallowing down saliva you raise your hand, two soft knocks on the door echoing in the empty hallway and you wait patiently, fumbling with your hands as the anxiety begins to raise.

Simon doesn't open so you knock again two times only to be greeted by more silence and a loud thunder outside in the sky.

A quiet huff leaves your mouth as you turn on your heel and leave. Wandering around the compound with no clear direction. It's dead silent, you're left with your own self destructive thoughts as you walk past the gym. A low thud can be heard from behind the doors so you backtrack and take a glimpse through the window.

Why is he at the gym at this ungodly hour?

Pushing past the door you walk sluggishly, Simon's quick to notice the disturbance, ready to snap at whomever is here to interrupt his midnight routine. It's been like this for weeks now; not being able to sleep. The nightmares that had disappeared for the most part came back with full force.

There's a hollow feeling inside of him ever since you decided to call it quits. He doesn't fucking understand, he's mad. Furious even. Can't help the anger whenever he wakes up and you're not there anymore. Can't bear the sight of you during debriefings and not even looking his way. The way you freeze when he has to order you around.

Had he done anything to make you fearful of him?

He needed to know, he needs answers. He'd ask tomorrow. He swears. Whatever it was. Then he'll walk away.

He stands from where he was about to start the second round of push-ups. Simon's able to recognize your silhouette with the lights off, he just knows you that well. Wherever you were, in a sea full of people he'd know it's you even then.

"Sorry..." you murmur. Simon's looking at you over his left shoulder through the mirror in front of him, you stand a few steps behind him. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

He stays silent. It's now that you come to realize that he isn't wearing the mask, instead lies on the room floor, discarded. "Was looking for you in your room but-"

"Say it." He barks, turning around and stalking towards you. His presence alone making you feel smaller. His brows are knitted, jaw clenched so hard you're sure he'll break his teeth. Simon is massive. Yet, despite all of this you know he'd never lay a finger on you, nor hurt you. "Fucking start talking, kid." The hurt in his voice is palpable. You fumble with your hands, it's getting harder to keep your eyes on his. You do not deserve his love at all. "Because I've been losing my mind ever since you shut me out."

A soft wail escapes your lips, you try to muffle it. Simon hesitates for a second. Wanting nothing more than to hold you in his arms, he awaits.

"I... I- got pregnant." You cried. "And you've always known I never wanted that. I panicked and didn't say a word because it would be more painful or...-" you swallow through incessant tears. "Or so I thought. I decided to get rid of it, Simon. But seeing what's done to us. What I've done... I'm so fucking sorry I don't deserve-"

Suddenly you're engulfed by strong arms and a broad chest as you finally let go and cry rivers of pain and regret. He's murmuring sweet things in your ear that you can't understand die to your deteriorating situation.

"It's okay. It's okay, love. Fucking hell, should've come to me." He growled. "Don't you ever do this to me again, kid. You didn't have to do it alone. Christ."

There's a soft kiss on the top of your head as your cries start to die down and all there's left are soft whimpers.

"I never meant to leave you, but I couldn't be close to you after what I did behind your back." You sniff.

The ever gentle caressing of his thumb on your back never ceases, providing the comfort you so desperately seek.

"S'alright, love. Nothing to be sorry about." He takes a step back keeping you at arms length. "There she is." A little broken but starting to be pieced back together. He gently wipes your cheeks and breathes deep. "I'm here. Always."

[oursystemblog]

is wishing you could be a system a symptom of being one? i was reading your blog yesterday and i got very very sad, and other system content will often make me sad because i relate to feeling like, in system terms, an original personality/memory holder who is too sad and traumatized to function and doesnt want to front, only its like i always have to be me no matter how much i hate me, and hate existing. so as a result i just dont function really. i relate to stuff you said about shutting down when in too much distress, like going emotionally numb, and i also dissociate a lot. but even when my mind is on something else and im acting different, its not really like switching to a different mode of awareness. i think it might be better if it was. i wish i was an alter so i could go dormant forever. im scared that its too late to completely rehaul how i conceptualize... living, thinking, being, etc... im scared i have to be me forever. im not sure this is a normal or appropriate way to feel... and im sorry for asking something so emotionally loaded too. i dont even know what im asking really... i guess just, if you have any advice, and if you ever felt this way before you realized you were a system, and how you realized. thanks if you answer. sorry

Hi, i wanted to try and write a helpful response however it ended up being Way Longer than i expected to say anything substantial so it's under the cut

I can't really give a 100% certain answer to your question—Symptoms like emotional shutdown and dissociation in response to stress/trauma are also possible without necessarily being a system, ultimately I can't say whether or not you are one (it took me a while to even say whether or not I was one haha). I personally didn't have the experience of wishing i could be a system before i figured it out, but I think I've heard from some other systems that they did experience that; I suppose it's different for everyone.

i'd try to give a more helpful response about how i realized i was a system but i actually don't remember very much about it—I guess I was always aware that I had an "other state" of myself with Very distinctly different mannerisms from my own who was pretty consistently "triggered out" by specific situations (the other state was also aware of themself like "oh, i'm in This Mode again"), and then eventually i thought "that might not be normal actually" and started researching about dissociative disorders some more

Regardless of whether or not you have alters/are an alter, I don't think going dormant would solve the problem, even though I absolutely understand the feeling. While we were still discovering our system we were in a pretty bad place, and when we discovered our own emotion-holder she was very angry and sad—which scared me initially, and i Kind of Wished that she would disappear or that I could just be A Normal Regular Singular Person. A while later I calmed down and realized it was not productive to wish things like that, so I tried talking to her and telling her that it was okay to feel angry, but that things can be better now than in the past and we are capable of healing—treating her with compassion

I think having a conversation with A Literal Part of Myself that held our anger and sadness was helpful, but I also think it's possible to do something similar even if you're not a system—to treat yourself with compassion too, I guess is what I'm getting at here.

I didn't think it would get better, but it did. I mean it took a while and there were ups and downs , but as long as you're still here it is never to late to learn to live again and to recover

Ultimately, everyone's circumstances are different and maybe what helped me doesn't apply the same way to you, but please try to remember that things can get better. Healing is possible, i wish you the best

[bugboysgf]

Hate + Love

Chapter 2

series masterlist

Previous chapter

Summary: There is a thin line between love and hate but what if it's way thinner than you thought?

“Hi, im suppose to be tutoring somebody.” you told the lady at the front desk. The last 2 weeks had been stressful but out of extreme luck you managed to get all A’s but that also meant you had to tutor the people that were not doing so well in school.

“Oh yes, you must be Y/n.”

“I am.” you confirmed.

“Min Ho.” The lady calls his name and he jumps out of his seat.

“You gotta be kidding me.” you look at Min ho and he seems just as surprised as you are. “There has to be some sort of mistake, I can't tutor him.” the lady looks at her computer for a second and looks back at you.

“Sorry but there is a specific note from the teacher saying you can't switch.”

“What? Who wrote that.” you asked.

“It was your math teacher. Take a seat and get started.”

“I can't believe this.” you said sitting down.

“Do you think I want to do this? I have no choice.” Min ho rolled his eyes.

“Whatever can we just get started.”

After two hours tutoring you were done but to you i feel like 5 hours because every 10 minutes you and Min ho were arguing about something different.

“Thank you.” Min Ho says. You look at him in shock, you were never expecting those words to come out of his mouth.

“You have manners, I see. Can I get an apology too?” you asked hopefully.

“It happened almost 3 weeks ago, get over it.”

“God you're such a bitch.”

“Takes one to know one.”

—-

“We have Alex next.” Kitty said. “Oh my god we still have to walk up the stairs.” you said, you were tired already and it was only your 2 period.

“Do you want to go to a ramen place after the 5th period?” Kitty asked.

“Im Pretty sure I don't have to tutor today, so yes.”

“How is it? By the way, you are still not getting along.”

“Nope now i have to sit with him in alex class, because he wont let me change seats.” you rolled your eyes.

“Dude you have 4 months left until winter break, at least try to stop hating each other.”

“He's the problem, not me, he won't apologize. He said thank you yesterday when i tutored him but that's it.” you explained to Kitty. You honestly don't think that you and Minho would get along every chance he gets to make fun of you. He's gonna take it and you're tired of it.

“The problem is that you are both stubborn.” Kitty grabs the handle of the door and lets you into the class, she gives you a ‘be nice look’ and takes a seat.

You walked over to your seat and to your surprise Min Ho was already sitting down, he was always late. You take a seat and don't say a word to him.

“No greeting?” he asked

“What do you want?” you say in a cold tone.

“Woah, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.” he smirks.

“I just don't have time for your bullshit today.”

Lucky Alex didn't have you guys do anything with your partner work today you didnt think you could handle it anyways.

You grabbed your things and stuffed them into your backpack.

“y/n?” you stopped in your tracks and looked at the guy that called your name. Minho also stopped and looks at him.

“Yes?” you look at him confused. You've never seen this guy in your life and you had no idea why he was talking to you.

“I'm Derek, I was just trying to see if i can get your number.” you look around to see if anybody was watching and behind him were his friends waiting to see your next move. You didn't want to seem stuck up or anything, so you just smiled and typed your number into his phone.

“Great, I'll text you.”

“Cool” you watch him walk away and turn to Min ho. “And why did you stay?”

“What does he want with you?” “What do you mean?”you asked, confused.

“His dad is literally a millionaire.”

“I honestly dont give two fuck about that.” you said.

“It had to be a dare.” Min ho shook his head.

“Oh really? Just because an attractive guy asked for my number that means it has to be a dare?” you said offended. Min ho knew he messed up, he always jokes around but he knew that what he said really affected you.

“That's not-”

“Save it.” you walked away.

—

For the next few weeks you continue talking to Derek, you thought he would be a jerk but turns out he wasn't. He was really nice and listened.

“Where are you going?” Min ho asked Q. “Oh the nature club is having a hike today.” Q said, putting on his shoes.

“Great i'll come” Min ho got up from the couch. “You can't.” Q said.

“Why?” “Club members only.” “Dude i went last time.” Q stayed silent and didn't say anything. “Unless you don't want me to go for some reason?” “It's not that I don't want you to go, it's just that y/n and Derek are going to be there and I don't want you messing it up for her. She told me what you said when he asked for her number.” Q confessed.

“That's not what I meant, I tried to tell her that.”

“You should have said it in the first place, are you jealous or something?” Q asked.

“What no… no”

“Yup that sounds so convincing.”

“I don't like her, I hate her.”

“You know, you can hate and love somebody at the same time.” Q said shutting the door.

Min ho stood there thinking there's no way that he loves y/n? He hates her too much.

[supermaks]

No but what is red bull doing with this car??? I just can't understand how they're suddenly having so much issues. It feels like the McLaren car is great in every track while we're are struggling everywhere.

My impression is that mclaren have now a superior car and they might put some serious pressure on the championship. No hate to the mclaren drivers, but they're not doing justice to that car. The only reason max keeps winning still is because he's leagues better.

Tbh its still too early to tell but the more rbr talks about the suspension and what they think the problem is, the more sense it makes to me. Its not at all a new thing, actually its kinda part of the design itself. Like the red bull philosophy wid the 2022 regs was to maximize the aerodynamic components by keeping the suspension as stiff as possible. rb18 and the rb19 were uncompromising cars from the start, but the ground force generated was so ahead of everybody elses rbr cud have the most rigid mechanical components and still produce better lap times than the competition just because they were able to lower their rear very consistently. So for instance they get to an outlier like Singapore that has such bumpy characteristics and like explode but it doesnt matter because for most of the calendar the ride height holds and they have the advantage. Its a very milton keynes adrian newey led type of compromise regarding car design which means its not a compromise at all and it kinda expects its immediate and total sovereignty to be its own justification. I dont think rbr is doing anything 'wrong' wid the car, its just that the car was always bound to hit a limit in performance and kinda coasted on other team's setbacks. That and yes, there are lil operational mistakes throughout race weekends happening rn that didnt exist last year and cud be attributed to some uncertainty regarding car development, the turmoil inside the organization, some fatigue, etc. Time will tell if they can fix the problem or if its something to try and minimize until the next regulatory cycle

About the Mclaren, and why it looks so spooky, seems MTC have been able to develop a car that not only employs the same suspension trick as rbr, but is able to make it work to its full potential, particularly by absorbing bumps and kerbs more effectively, which is something the rb20 as of now cant do. Basically its an all around more balanced car wid better handling. Without the first SC yesterday Lando wud have put a 20 sec gap no problem. By fp3 both Mclarens were already lapping like 2 seconds faster than the rb20 so like clearly that pace is here to stay. Whether itll translate into a full fledged wdc fight it will depend on the next big 4 updates because all the top cars have room to improve in the upcoming european leg. mcl38 has a lot of potential tho and not being hindered by the suspension the way rb20 is makes it a significant threat. Also like Mclaren is still making some basic strategy errors that usually tend to go away once the team settles more into its new role in the competition.

Ab ur last comment, idk personally I think zak browns bj brothers are doing a really good job keeping pressure and staying consistent, especially Lando, but its also their first taste of a truly competitive car so its normal for them to miss out on some pole positions or maybe not drive some stints as well. I think Ive commented on this before but sometimes it does come down to experience. 2023 had some hints of a possible Mclaren resurgence but they were few and too spaced out for the drivers to be able to truly build on it. On the other side u have a world champion coming out of 3 consecutive title runs 1 of which was one of the most competitive in recent memory, and another the most dominant. Mclaren is intent on building momentum and Max wont let them. Rbr are in limbo but Max isnt. Wid much respect to everybody else but like either put ur best foot forward every time or better luck next year 😐

[claiestve]

𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ꨄ Alex

ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: 🎧

ɪ ᴡɪꜱʜ ɪ ʜᴀᴛᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ↻ ◁ ɪɪ ▷ ↺

⎯⎯ ୨ ୧ ⎯⎯

❝ Hung all my clothes in the closet you made

“I can’t believe we’re living together. Like, finally!” 

“I can’t wait to get your pictures in this new setting.”

“Alex!”

“What?!”

Your shoes still in boxes, I send them your way, hoping life brings you no new pain

“Is this my stuff?”

“Mhm.”

“You couldn’t even bother packing it up properly? Wow.”

I rearrange my memories, I try to rewrite our life

“You're good at staying rational until you're not.”

“What?”

But no matter how I try to

“Want to tell me what's wrong or am I supposed to guess?”

And no matter how I want to 

“You really think something's going on between us…?”

And no matter how easy things could be if I did

“I’m sorry about the other night, I was overthinking and my thoughts got the best of me…”

“Yeah, it’s fine. I forgive you.”

“You okay?”

And no matter how guilty, I still feel saying it

“Why the hell am I the last person to know about this? If anything I should be the first. Not only are we dating but you live with me. But you told me after everyone else? After all the people that you don’t live with? What kind of shit is that Alex?”

“I didn't tell you at first because I knew you'd react like this.”

I wish I hated you

“Hey, hey. This… this will be– it’ll be okay.”

“But it’s over now.”

“I know it'll be the end of us but…”

I wish that weren't true

“You know you're my favorite person. You're adorable and clingy. The day hasn't even started yet and I'm falling for you a little more.”

“Go back to sleep, stupid.”

Wish there was worse to you

“You know, Alex. This year has been the best. I don’t even mean it in a weird, sappy way, but I don’t know. You make every year a good one.”

I wish you were worse to me

“Well, you stay here where it's romantic and warm, I'll be back with the hot chocolate, okay?”

Yeah, I wish I hated you. ❞

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

that was literally justtt dialogue (exhausting but after yesterday, i had to)

dont worry, the andrew fic is still in the drafts i just got more motivation to kinda finish this after yesterday.

[heichou-ackerman]

Texting Levi fluff

Levi hates texting but he likes you. Another modern!AU which I am re-uploading since tumblr was stupid about it

TW: Some slight cussing but nothing MORE

It was rare for Levi to actually utilize his phone for  anything more than just make necessary calls, checking the weather, and keeping up to date with his monthly Tea Box subscription.

Lately, however, he found himself spending more time watching the bright screen on his phone, face scrunched up, as he began to understand the means of what it meant to actually meant to maintain consistent communication.

Unfortunately for him, you seemed to have a knack for coercing him to text you throughout the day no matter how busy he actually was with his actual work or with his own personal chores.

He both liked and hated this about you. Although your apparent clingy behavior was charming at best, it was a bit exhausting for the introverted man to keep up with some of your needs.

Like clockwork, your good morning texts would pop up at almost the exact same time every weekday (he actually began to depend on that more to wake up than his actual alarm). He learned the hard way you really had expectations of him texting you back and in maintaining a conversation with you from morning to night, at least during the days where you both were unable to see each other.

It was a pain in the ass.. Single word responses were insufficient to satisfy your need to drag out his opinion about a variety of things, ranging from your choice of lunch for the day and where he saw himself in ten years. He really didn’t understand why you valued his opinion so much about these things or why it was important for you to know.

>where do you see yourself in 10 years Levi? :)

> I dont know.

>Come on! Do you wanna live in a different city or something like that?

> I see myself being 10 years older

>You suck

He got a bit better over time, unaware of how he began to think a little more in depth about his responses to you. If he was curt and short, you would become upset at him. When it was something more of a slight flirtatious advance, his screen would be filled with heart emojis. He wouldn’t admit it but there was some satisfaction in seeing you reply eagerly to him. A curious feeling but not a bad one.

>cant wait to see your face on the weekend!

>you literally saw me yesterday

>so you dont wanna see me then?

>I didnt say that

>so you are excited to see me too :)

>I didnt say that either

>awe, getting tired of me already I see

>I told you Im not going to respond to anything stupid you say

>You just did! :D

>everything you say is stupid so Im at a loss

He wondered  if you acted this way with anyone else. He supposed, the way you tended to be, that you were equally as warm and inviting to most of your circle. Not to say, he wanted to have this particular ‘treatment’ for himself only, but it genuinely felt like you did dedicate most of the day to stay in touch with him as much as you could.

In the past, Levi would had found this overwhelming. He appreciated his friendships and relationships with others, but he was also someone who valued his privacy, and most people in his semi social circle understood this of him. He would be the type to hang out a Saturday evening and then would be completely out of reach for the rest of the month, which was minimal for him. He was unbothered for most of the time, which to be fair, is the way he preferred it.

Once you and him became an item however, there was a noted disruption in this rather, exclusive lifestyle of his. It wasn't awful but it was something he was not attuned to, so it made things feel awkward during some of these interactions.  Despite his standoffish demeanor and his lack of substance in some of his messages, you still kept at it. You didn't shy away from him or even become too upset when his responses seemed bland or cold. It seemed like you had an understanding of the type of person he was, but you still wanted to simply spend as much time in touch with him as possible. You genuinely craved for his attention and treated it as something important and precious.   And this simple fact made him like you so much. So, he would make an effort.

---

After a long day at his office job, Levi arrived home, throwing his belongings onto his couch, not caring much about things spilling out, and flopping onto his bed, a deep sigh coming out from his nose.   It was a shitty day at the office to say the least, which soured his mood for most of the day. As usual, you made attempts to message him throughout the work day, but he would be lying if he said there was a bare minimum effort at responding back to you. He knew you were probably peeved off at his lack of consistency for today, but he was far too exhausted to really explain himself about the matter.

He closed his eyes for a bit, feeling he might literally drift of to sleep still in his day clothes, when he felt the vibrations from his phone go off in his pocket. He groaned slightly, knowing only one person in the world would message him at such a time. He reached into his pocket to pull it out, squinting at the bright screen to see your name pop up with the following message:

> are you mad at me? :(

Jesus fucking Christ. He knew if he began to entertain the conversation (and no he wasn't mad at you), he would probably be up for another couple of hours trying to reassure you of this fact. He debated to leave it as it was for the sake of being able to go to sleep, but at the risk of you blowing up his phone the entire night.   "Goddammit." He muttered to himself. He sighed heavily, bracing for the worst as he gave into it and began to message you.

>no, long day at work

There, that should be sufficient, right?

Not even five seconds later, he saw those three dots appear, indicating you were messaging him back. He pictured you literally hunched over your phone like some gremlin, texting him rapidly.

>awe, im sorry to hear that. you home now?

Okay, not too bad. It seemed like you were considerate of his situation at the moment. He blinked forcefully, feeling his eyelids begin to droop as he stared at your response on his screen. No, he wouldn't be able to last long like this, he might as well just cut it short.

>yeah im home, super tired, need to sleep.

He hit the send button and set his phone down, allowing his eyes to droop shut, feeling the inbound sleep coming to him. He would literally be able to fall asleep and wake up in the same position the following morning, and for a couple of minutes, it felt as if this would be the case.

And then his phone begins to ring.

His eyes shoot out open as he become startled by his ringtone, and by nature, he immediately picks up the phone, being met with its bright screen.

It was you. Of course it was.

Levi rubbed his hand over his face, muttering curses at you and at the situation. It really didn't even fucking matter at this point if he tried ignoring you. He sighed heavily as he lazily answered, bringing you over to his ear.

"What." He muttered, not even as a question.

He could hear you slightly giggling over the other line, which made him kind of irritated. He told you how tired he was, we’re you really just fucking with him?

"Just wanted to check in to see if you're okay. But I can tell that you are super sleepy." He heard you on the other line.

"Yeah." He replied simply. "I told you I was."

"Sorry. You mentioned you had a hard day at work, I figured you wanted to talk about, buuuut I didn't think you'd be this tired. You usually stay up pretty late, even during your worst days."

Well, you weren't wrong about that. He would usually be a night owl most weekday evenings, entertaining your text shenanigans well off into midnight.

"I'm fine." He iterated, allowing his phone to fall next to his head, close enough to still hear you. He kept his eyes closed, still somewhat attentive to you. "Work was shit but I'm fine. Sleepy."

"Want me to tell you a bed time story?" You asked softly, jokingly of course.

"No. "

"Didn't think you'd want one. Want me to sing you a lullaby?"

"No, fucking weirdo."

“Kidding, kidding. Kinda sucks, but I’d be so down to just do that thing you like me to do to you. If I was there of course.”

He raised a slight eyebrow, eyes narrowing slightly towards his ceiling. “I literally don’t have the energy to talk nasty right now.”

“No!” You exclaimed. “Not that stupid. I meant like, that one night when I was playing with your hair and you fell asleep on my lap.” He hummed in consideration. “Ah, yeah. Maybe. That was nice.” It wasn’t too long ago, but it was another of those exhausting evenings for him, similar to this one. You mindlessly began to run your fingers through his hair, coaxing him to rest on your lap as you minded yourself on your phone. Your fingers were soft and it seemed like they knew exactly which parts of his scalp would respond the best. It was no secret he enjoyed your pampering from time to time, although he would never directly ask you for it. He would always hope you would initiate it however and it seemed as if you had an intuition of when he really needed. This being one of those times.

You chuckled softly on the other line. "Okay, okay, let me leave you be then sleepy head. Can I text you tomorrow then?"

Why the hell are you asking that?

You didn’t need his permission to do so, and its not like you ever asked him for it.

"Why are you asking that?" He asked you bluntly, his voice low.

You stayed quiet for a bit on the other line for a bit, and Levi could feel the hesitation from you.  "Don't know. Just wanted to be a bit considerate."

Considerate? Considerate of what?

He should really go to bed, he thought. But there was something weird about you right now.

"What's with you?" He continued to probe. "You're being weirder than usual."

"Gee, thanks." You respond dramatically. "But nothing is wrong, I just wanna be considerate of, your time lets say."

He sighed loudly enough for you to be able to hear him on the other line. "Okay, I'm too tired to be subtle about it. What's wrong? What did I do?”

" "Nothing Levi!" You exclaim with a laugh. "I just wanna be mindful of not bothering you too much during the day, especially when you got all this stuff to do at work. I realize I can be a little too demanding of your attention, but I also don't want you to feel obligated as well. Hence...why I asked if it was okay."

Yeah, he agreed in his mind that you were a little bit demanding at times with this, but you weren’t overtly intrusive about it. Plus, if he was actually bothered by it, what was stopping him from simply blocking your messages during his shift? He obviously didn't do it because he didn't think of it that way.

"Don't be stupid." He replied lowly. "Let's be real, you'd lose your shit if I didn't reply to you during the day. Regardless, I'm fine, it doesn't bother me."

"You sure?" You asked a bit skeptically. He could tell you were genuine about all of this, and even if you did like to be overtly clingy, he understood you were capable of understanding necessary boundaries about things. He would never admit it to you, but you were capable of making mature choices about things.

He kept thinking of that particular pout you'd make when you tried to be serious with him. He didn't know if you made it on purpose but it was a rather cute feature about you. He imagined you making that same face right now as you tried to see if he was actually okay with you. He felt a smile form on his face.

"I'm sure, you brat." He responded back. "I enjoy talking to you, it makes work a bit more bearable. So stop asking me for permission like some kid."

He could hear you hum rather approvingly on the other line. "Okie dokie then. But legit, go ahead at get some rest. I'll check in with you in the morning yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Good night, love you."

He grunted back to you as his response. Yeah, he was still like that about those words. It was hard for him to say it back to you without feeling the need to be swallowed whole by the entire earth. He did care deeply for you, without a doubt, but it was as if he physically couldn't utter those things to you. At least not yet, it was still a work in progress.

You hung up on him on your end, and Levi rolled over to his side, breathing in deeply. An image of you kept popping into his head, wondering how this conversation may have ended in person. He wondered what kind of stupid face you'd be making or how annoying you'd be with your necessity to touch and hold him. He imagined a situation where you'd get upset at him for swatting his hand away, unaware that he would do it on purpose just to rile you up and to encourage you to forcefully grab a hold of it. He felt a crooked smile form on his face as he recalled your goodbye to him, your soft voice lulling him in his head as he felt a need to share the same sentiment to you in some way.

He rolled over back in his original position, eyes slowly peering open as he grabbed his phone, slowly tapping on its screen, soon pressing send to you before finally drifting off to sleep.

>I love you too.

[yurianonikki]

22|07|24 yulia’s diary

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.╰┈➤. entry 2; into the past,

˚˖𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚.🎀༘⋆╰┈➤. today's mood; tired, kinda annoyed.

๋࣭⭑╰┈➤ right after yesterdays entry i got into an argument with my boyfriend. it was over something stupid and then it escalted, i mean, we came to a conclusion but i wouldve prefered for it to not have happened. the day before yesterday at around 11pm he texted me out of nowhere and asked me ''whats one thing you hate about me'' and i asked him if he wanted me to be honest, so i was honest. i said;

i hate how late he is to everything all the time, it almost feels like he doesnt respect me and my time

i hate how he cancels our plans we have made days sometimes weeks before for his friends who ask to hangout last minute, he has never once tried to comprimise with them and say he has plans with me already on that day

i hate how he tends to be hypocritical; when i do something its such a big problem but when he does it its alright because he has a reason to do that. as if i dont also?

and that was that. he didnt say anything else that night. the next morning he texts me asking me how i am whatever whatever, then about 40? minutes later he texts me saying ''i think im just below average and thats alright. i mean i cant even show up on time for you i bet any other guy could.'' and our argument escalted from there. i tried to reassure him that even though he acts this way now it doesnt mean he wont or cant change in the future and he kept dismissing what i said and just igniting his own insecurities by making up the most random scenarios about what COULD happen. ''well i could die tomorrow, how would i change for you then?''. after a bit of back and forth about this we got into another argument over what actually happened last saturday and why he was late that time. he said i was annoyed at him for being late even though his dad was holding him back. which is true. and i told him ''you know i woulnt be as annoyed if you told your parents you have someone waiting for you already and that you have plans'' and he FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER says he does tell them, the problem i had was that he never told me that and i was left to assume he just didnt do anything to try to not be as late, right?! the main argument here was that he didnt understand that i was mad at him not telling me that he did inform his parents about his plans NOT that i was mad he was late because his dad held him back but his dad didnt know i was waiting for him; does that make sense? it does in my head. and now the final part of our argument: he asked me how he could be better for me and i told him my list of things. one of them was that i said he had to eventually mature and put me above his friends and family in his priorities when we become more grown adults and have kid together. he had an issue with this because he didnt really see the pov that he wasnt gonna be living with his parents forever, and that him and his friends are gonna have their own lives to worry about and wont have time for eachother as much, and that hes gonna have to take care of his NEW family and HIS KIDS and HIS WIFE(🤞). he assumed i was saying right now i need to be the most important person in his life (i still kinda think that because yk were supposed to be together for the rest of our lives) and he needs to respect me more than his parents and cut off all his friends for me, WHICH IS NOT TRUE, that is NOT what i was saying. but we finally came to a conclusion after i explained to him in detail what i meant rather than him assuming and putting words into my mouth, we will both be more clear with eachother and instead of getting mad and shutting down we will communicate regardless. whew. im glad thats done. it was hellish. but were good now, i love him so much 💜

๋࣭⭑╰┈➤but now back to the main point of my entry. back into the past. i mentioned in my last entry about my old friendgroup from 3 years ago and their weird obsession regarding me. for context; there was 4 girls i was friends with: ro****, 2ro*******, e**** & mi***** (i think i should also mention that ro**** is a polish gypsy and 2ro******* and mi***** are slovakian gypsies - and before you cancel me they literally called themselves gypsies and have no problem with it so ill be refering to them as that). back near the end of 2020, i became friends with ro**** as she was friends with my now ex-childhood friend m*** (she isnt important to this) and in the beginning of 2021, around march-april time i started talking to 2ro******* because we were both interested in k-pop and we had literally the exact same classes and with e**** because she also had classes with us. we 3 became close and after a while 2ro****** introduced us to mi***** and me, ro****, 2ro*****, e***** and mi***** all became friends. at the end of that school year we had a falling out with e**** because i was told by the 3 of them that she was talking shit about me behind my back. and at the time i believed them because it was 3 people claiming the same thing and they showed be screenshots of her saying i made really insensitive jokes and she didnt like them. so we all confronted her and basically kicked her out of our friend group because she decided to talk shit about me to them rather than telling me she felt uncomfortable with the things i say. flashforward to early 2022, our friend group was thriving as a 4 and we had no issues (thats what i thought at least) until around may time. i had noticed all of them being kind of weird and distant which was very unusual. we would still sit at break and lunch together and sit in class but we said almost nothing to eachother at all. then i got covid and was off for 2 weeks whatever whatever, but when i came back i had a comversation with ro**** about 2ro*******'s false lashes, i made a joke to her about them which i also told 2ro****** and then when i told that joke to her she told me that ro**** had told i was talking shit about her lashes, not true? we have always made jokes about eachothers appearances why is it a problem now? she did say she knew i was joking anyways and didnt take it seriously. i also noticed them suddenly talking about a person called 'lisa', which i instantly knew was me.

1) 2ro******* had told me i look like lalisa from blackpink and we had an inside joke about that and with my crush at the time,

2) they always made code names for people to talk shit about them without anyone knowing and they still do it to this very day.

and i decided to ask them who it was. they clearly didnt expect me to ask that because they all told me slightly different things seperately but when we were together later that day that i asked them as a group they had suddenly decided to say the same thing? weeeeiiirrrddd. i let it go because i didnt wanna make myself more depressed knowing that they were probably gonna cut me off at this point. i also came to the realization that what they said about e**** was probably either completely fake or overexaggerated. ro**** also blocked me on snapchat that week because we had agreed to talk about what was happening after school and that she was gonna tell me the truth because she felt bad? this happened in front of another mutual friend ki** but shes not important, when i confronted her about it she said her brother did it whlst using her phone? alright girl.

after that i kinda started hanging out with different people i knew, mainly sil*** because she was also friends with them but decided to side with me and believe me when i told her about all of this. literally a few days later, probably 2 days later at the end of break 2ro****** asked me ''are you avoiding us because we know you talk shit about all of us to people?'' and i was so taken aback because i know for a fact i have never once uttered a negative word about them to someone who was immediately close with us. in french that day i asked 2ro****** if we could talk about what she said to me earlier because i was genuinly confused and has no idea what was going on. it was honestly pointless though because i wasnt told anything concrete. i asked them "can you give me an example of when i talked shit about any of you" and i kid you not in a circle they kepy saying ''i dont know ask ____'' and i just walked away after that i didnt speak to any of them nearly at all after that because what the fuck kinda bullshit is that?

๋࣭⭑╰┈➤ after that we didnt have many interactions;

in p.e before i moved groups 2ro****** walked past me and said ew, like alright girl your eyeliner is lopsided lets worry about that first.

there was a tiktok account about our school and one of the videos was about those 3, saying theyre all ugly and that what they did to me was horrible. i have to this day no idea who made it i asked everyone who i knew if they did it and no one owned up to it. they confronted me about it and asked me if i made it and obviously i didnt make it because im not talking about them all day and all night, (im only making this entry to vent and to hopefully forget about them forever now)

in science the next school year, i was talking with this girl mar**** who was friends with them but they had all fallen out and had a literal fight at school 🌝 - for context, these 3 girls tried to make up rumours that mar**** had a crush on a boy in our school, yu***, which wasnt true as well as making up lies to her and her friend ang** to try to make them stop being friends, which didnt work - when we were talking in science she told me ''your actually not that bad 2ro****** was saying your so mean and weird'' but i wasnt surpirised they said that about me. i made a comment about another girl saying ''i feel bad for do**** (the girl) because shes friends with all of them but they all hate her, they talk so much shit about her to anyone who listens'' later at lunch, i found out ma**** told do**** what i said and do**** confronted them about it, im assuming they lied and said im the liar because me and do**** never spoke after that even though we were friends, they confronted me about it and i said the truth, ''yes i did say that to ma**** because its true, you talked shit about do**** to me too'' and that was that, they just walked away after that, we havent spoken since that moment.

๋࣭⭑╰┈➤ i dont miss them, im glad i wont ever interact with them directly since i moved. but funily enough ro**** was also kicked out their new friend group that they added 2 ukrianian girls to. seems like i always get the last laugh anyways 😝

🎧ྀི happy blackpink comeback announcement guys my girls are coming back 🥺 I'll kick it if you're down, kick it if you down

[joeys-babe]

(his arm veins in this pic- oh. my. god.)

Someday We’ll Be Together

Chapter 7: We good

————————————————————————

(joe's pov)

i woke up this morning to my doorbell bringing rung repeatedly.

groaning as i rolled over, i hit my phone. the screen lit up showing the time as 8:47. on off days i tried to sleep in, but here we are.

when the ringing didn't let up i threw a pair of shorts on and went downstairs. i opened the door and y/n's mom was revealed.

"morning joe" - your mom smiled

"i'm going back to bed." - joe turned and walked back into the house

"no sir. we need to talk." - your mom

"did y/n send you? because if so, i'm not talking." - joe

"no, i came here on my own. thought you might want to talk about what went down yesterday."

- your mom

"i tried to apologize. y/n was persistent on not excepting my apology, she said something that ticked me off, i walked upstairs. there's the summary." - joe

"she told me what she said to you. she really feels bad about it, and she doesn't want to fight with you. you know she cares about you a lot, it was just in the moment and she wasn't thinking straight. you know how she is joe, she seeks for your approval of everything and when you were ignoring her because you didn't agree with what she was doing.. it really made her upset." - your mom

"i- i know, but that doesn't mean what she said doesn't hurt. i was vulnerable with her about something i was going through and she used it against me." - joe

"she didn't eat dinner last night, and cried for i dont even know how long. she really does feel bad." - your mom said and joe crossed his arms

"it hurt a little more you know because of i realization i had the day before." - joe nervously looked down at the ground and started playing with the bracelets on his wrist

"what's that?" - your mom smiled, hopeful that joe was going to admit to her what you did yesterday

"those feelings i had for y/n back in college, they're back. i don't think they ever truly went away either." - joe

"aww joe that's so sweet." - your mom

"i'm glad to finally get that off my chest. but i don't know what to do, we barely talk anymore. i think she's made it very clear that she doesn't feel the same way." - joe

if only he knew, your mom thought.

"she's still asleep, what if you woke her up and you guys talked it out. i hate to see you guys like this, you two have been inseparable since birth." - your mom

"yeah. i'm gonna get dressed and fix my hair first." - joe

she gave me a pointed look, which i automatically knew what she meant by.

"before you say anything, i'm getting ready to feel better about myself.. not to impress her." - joe

"mhm" - your mom walked out of joes house and shut the door

now that she was gone, i went back upstairs and into my bathroom to get ready.

i brushed my teeth and fixed my hair before throwing a t-shirt on and walking downstairs to put shoes on.

a few minutes later i was walking into the y/l/n's house. y/n's mom gave me a smile, happy that i followed through with talking to y/n.

i walked up the stairs and down the hallway as quiet as possible, before getting to her room and slowly opening the door.

y/n was sprawled out on her bed, the covers shoved down to the foot of it. i took in her outfit, the bengals shirt of mine i let her wear to my practice and a pair of the tiniest sleep shorts. fuck.

oh god joe, keep it together.

i closed my eyes and did a few deep breathes, trying to calm myself down.

now that i had composed myself, i bent down and moved some of her hair out of her face. she's so beautiful.

y/n stirred a bit but didn't fully wake up so i tapped her shoulder a few times.

"what?" - you drawled out with a whine

"wake up sleepyhead." - joe smiled

you felt your heart stop as you heard joes voice, he's the last person you thought would be the source of the shoulder tapping.

"joe?" - you

"yeh, i didn't like how things went yesterday and i want to figure it out." - you

"so you wake me up without warning?" - you chuckled slightly

"your moms idea, not mine" - joe said defensively

y/n sat up and brought the covers over herself before patting the spot next to her, of course i happily sat down.

"i'm sorry for walking away from you yesterday. i could've handled that situation better." - joe

i looked at y/n when she stayed silent for a few seconds but she just stared at me before pulling me into a hug.

"it's all my fault, joe. stop apologizing for things that aren't your fault. i don't want to fight with you, you've made me the happiest person ever my entire life." - you

"i don't want to fight either." - joe

"i know you want me to be happy, and you're more than capable of protecting yourself and me." - you

"im so glad you're my best friend." - joe

"me too." - you

"so.. we good?" - joe pulled away and looked at your expression

"yeah" - you smiled

"good, anything i missed that you want to tell me" - joe

"not really. nothings really went down." - you

"you haven't told me about your date with tee yet, how'd it go?" - joe

"it went good, but he said we were better off as friends.. which i agree with honestly." - you

i had to really keep it together to not jump up and start doing a happy dance. in my head i was screaming yes, yes, yes!!

"damn, sorry. i knew you liked him. it wasn't because of me, right?" - joe

"no, we'd just be better off as friends." - you lied, it was completely because of joe and the fact you were in love with him

"okay good." - joe

"how's your love life?" - you

"nonexistent" - joe scoffed

"oh please, there's hundreds- probably thousands of girls lined up to date you." - you

"yeah maybe, but there's a girl that i have my heart set on. i don't think she likes me like that though." - joe

why'd i say that. now if she asks who i'm gonna have to come up with a lie.

"you should tell her how you feel, you'll never know unless you tell her. if she doesn't feel the same way she's pretty dumb, you're a great guy joe and any girl would be lucky to have you."

- you

"i plan on telling her, i just don't know when or how. i want to wait till the perfect moment." - joe

"she's a lucky girl" - you smiled, deep down your heart was breaking with every word joe said

i felt my phone buzz in my pocket and when i got it out i cursed under my breath.

"what? everything okay?" - you

"i forgot that there's this team dinner tomorrow. it's supposed to be like dressier, and i really don't want to go." - joe

"why not? sounds fun to get all dressed up." - you

"not fun to have to like 80th wheel your teammates." - joe

"oh you don't have a date?" - you

"nope. when this was planned i was still with lexie, and we know how that went." - joe

"there's tons of girls that would love to go with you, you're like a heartthrob." - you

i rolled my eyes and glared at her, causing her to laugh.

"i'm not going with some rando- wait, do you have plans tomorrow night?" - joe

"i'm unemployed and living with my parents, of course i'm free." - you

"do you wanna go with me?" - joe

"to your dinner?" - you

"yeah. the team already knows you, you can talk to the girls, and you're a girl that i feel comfortable with." - joe smiled

"sounds fun.. yeah, i'll be your date." - you

"thanks." - joe

"of course, anything for you." - you

i smiled before standing up from her bed.

"i'm sure you want to get ready for the day so i'll get out of your hair. it starts at 8 so i'll pick you up around 7:25, okay?" - joe

"okay sounds good.". - you

"then it's set. it's a date." - joe

"it's a date." - you smiled softly as joe walked out of your room and shut the door behind him

(y/n's pov)

A DATE?!?!?

_________________________________

authors note: ooooooooooooooo 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

hope you enjoyed ❤️

[wingzie]

Hi.

Your experience as a Jikookers is the same as the experience of Taekookers. Extreme shippers fighting and having meltdowns on the TL make a lot of people equate the unit name with these behaviors.

Sadly the first thought that came to my mind when Jimin mentioned JK is that tkk would make a scene about it. Instead of just feeling relief they are doing well, or just comfort we're getting news, I felt dread. And the worst is I was right.

I'm really struggling with the state of the fandom now, especially twitter fandom. People say you just have to curate your online experience and most sane armys are just taking a break from SNS and everything will get better once the guys start coming back from MS. I'm not this optimistic.

I've been thinking finding fellow ARMY irl could be better. But there's still a good chance to meet someone you would block straight away online.

I'm not a very social person. I used to come online to find people remisniscing, celebrating, sharing.. There's always been hating but now it feels like it's only hating (and comparing numbers). There was a clear shift from COVID on. It's not just solo endeavors and MS. You said it, how the way to handle things has changed.

I don't know how to fend off all the negativity any more than I know how to casually meet ARMY offline. I dream of an ARMY community manager, of a campaign about mental heal, abusive relationships (how many think they know better than the members what's good for them and think they are actually showing love and support when they are just being abusive), how to make the parasocial relationship a positive thing, etc.... A lot of these people who make ARMY spaces unbreathable actually need help.

Hi Anon! I'm sorry you feel this way. I feel like some Army experienced feelings of anger or betrayal since the Festa Dinner, which has made them unfairly lash out on the members. Some cannot cope that we lost an aspect of control, but this has always been the members decision and we have to accept that with respect. As I said in my other post, the heart of Army is massively the same. Just this morning I saw a Tweet about the Purple Ocean from Muster and it reminded me of the Flashlight project during PTD. There will ALWAYS be discourse online. That is the reason for it's existence. I am in other fandoms and they all suffer from the same issues since Covid and Elon. However, for every "bad" person or post, there are plenty of good ones out there. If you look for then. I mentioned to someone yesterday that it's like when people always leave awful reviews for a bad meal, but very rarely mention when they have a good meal. That's why I always try to find a balance. Both Jimin and Namjoon have told us over the years to not engage with negativity and I have always taken those words to heart. Things in online spaces have changed, but I guess I am more of a fighter and optimist. For each negative post I see, I spend more time posting/repositing posts that spread positivity or praise. I see no point in boosting some random February 2024 account sprewing hate. We have to be responsbile or our own spaces and I DO think things will improve once Jin returns. There's still that shared joy and excitement whenever a member posts or content comes out. It's just that the negative is less contained than it used to be. As for events offline. My first event was for a local screening of one of the concerts. I then attended a few events for members Birthday's. With the HYYH anniversay coming up, maybe you could look into seeing if there's any events for it? It's also Sope's Birthday soon and I plan to go to events for each of their Birthday's, so that could also be an option. However, if you dont' feel comfortable going in person, then that is perfectly acceptable. I'm sure there will be no judgement! We all have our own ways. For example, I always buy a mini cake for each members' Birthday haha. Though I had some negative experiences offline, there have been some really good ones. That's just how things are and then you can take the steps to protect yourself afterwards. I'm actually going to another event with the same group I mentioned before. If it doesn't go well, then I will just leave. If things have improved, then I will stay and enjoy myself. I understand it's not easy though, especially when we have certain expectations. Please do look after yourself though and feel free to DM me if you wish to discuss further. Much Love Wingzie/Becca

[hirik0]

Back to you part 2

part 1

Makarov/Yuri

Makarov worked through the whole night with a peacefully sleeping Yuri right next to him. He can't look away till he feels happiness spreading through his body, causing a strange feeling in his stomach. He brings his laptop back to the office before he goes in the Gym to start his morning routine. Trying very hard not to think about the sleeping Yuri in his bed and how that make him feel and telling himself that this is a one time think and it don't means anything. A voice in his head is wispering bi panic sounding oddly familiar. Triggering a very old memory from back in university.

"For someone that is straight you're looking very jealous at Yuri and his boyfriend", Milena says while standing next to him looking at the dance floor of the party in some fellow students home party room. "I'm not jealous, I just hate Jack that's a diffrent", Makarov hisses back, giving her a angry side eye. "So you didn't had a bi panic the other day at the lake over Yuri in swim wear?", Milena ask him not convinced by his explanation. Answering the side eye with a dont bullshit me look "I did not", Makarov answers her angry, he's not bi he like woman and if he pays a bit more attention to the eye colour now, than that's nobody's business but his.

He pushes the punshing back a bit harder then he needs. Hating that Milena was right all this eyars ago, that he had a 'bi panic' over Yuri back then and is having a revival now. He's not panicking, because there is nothing to panic about, because he is not bi and if he would be he was not intressted in his former best friend. Not now and not back in University. He is just happy to get Yuri back in his life nothing more. Deep down he knows hes lying to himself, but he pushes this thought down so deep it will never reappear.

Yuri wakes up when a wet piece of fabric is landing on his face. What the fuck, is going on. The first think he realises when he removes the towle from his face is that he is not in his own bedroom. His eyes end up on a nearly nacked Makarov. Freshly showered, water drops running down the muscular and tattooed back. Oh, oh no, what happened yesterday? Makarov disapers in to a walk in closet and Yuri is trying to not lose his shit. He looks down himself being still fully dressed, good, that's good right? Maybe it would have been better if he would have had sex with Makarov, because he remebers crying his eyes out in Makarovs office, more specificly against Makraovs chest. Yuri wants to disappear this is embarrassing. "Ah, you're awake", Makarov says when reapers from the closet, his very expensive looking button up still open giving Yuri a good look of his muscular tattooed chest. Yuri has the feeling that this picture is trying to burn itself to the inside eyes, Makarov looking a bit tired, hair still weat from his shower, still not fully dressed. A wet dream or in Yuris case a nightmare. "Yes", Yuri stammers our trying to keep on the last droplet of dignity. Trying to explain his reaction with the fact that he has a quite long dry spell and Makarov is atractive and Yuri is still half asleep. His eyes clued to Makarovs fingers slowly closing his dress shirt, hating how its runing his sight on Makarovs nacked chest. Makarov trys his best to not over analyse Yuris reaction, having to push down his thoughts again. He cant help the satifcation that is flodding him, how Yuri can't take his eyes of him. He is flaterd by Yuris unapologetic ogeling and Yuri in his bed, dangerous image. "Breakfast?", Makarov asks having to do something before he needs another shower. "You can cook? When we meet you could barely use a microwave", Yuri says confused, if Makarov wants to kill him, he could atleast have mercy and not do it with what ever he claims to be 'cooking'. "Yes, I can cook by now. If I cook myself I can't get posinent this way", Makarov explains rolling his eyes, things changed in the last 5 years, the other could really show some more trust. Yuri is unsure if he should say that he can eat something on the way back home, his stomach is not used to eat in his opinon bio weapon 'meals' Makraov made back in universety anymore. Yuri stands up from the bed streaching himself before following Makarov in the very mordern kitchen. That is only separate from the gigantic livingroom with a half wall that is used as a counter. "Still black coffee?", Makarov ask, while looking in the fridge. "Yes", Yuri answers trying not to look at Makarovs ass, the pants making this very hard. To save himself from another arkward situation he looks at Makarovs livingroom. A big black leather couch, a gigantic flat screen, some shelfs and a very big painting that look oddly familiar to Yuri.

He takes the coffee from the counter and again looks at the painting. "Something with wrong with the painting?", Makarov asks while cracking some eggs. "Is it from a French painter?", Yuri ask him, trying to get his mind if a nacked Makarov. "Don't know was a present from a buisness deal", Makarov answers shruging, he never spared a second glance at the painting since getting it. Yuri slips down the barstool he sat in to get a closer look at the painting and oh the painting is from the French painter he thought of, should he tell Makarov? "So you are intressted in art know?", Makarov asks him from the kitchen, trying to find a way to keep Yuri ins his life this time. "No, was at a art gallery show casing this artist ones, that's why I asked. Must be one of her older works", Yuri explains hasty trying to find somethingelse to look at. "How do you know?", Makarov asks looking at the painting seeing nothing but a nice landscape. "Oh, eh her eh more recent works are more eh complex I guess", Yuri stammers his vague answer, blushing a bit. "Yuri", Makarov says annoyed, clearly having picked up he's hiding something. Yuri drinks his coffee trying his hardest to ignore Makarov staring at him. "Yuri", Makarov repeats himself angry its just a painting whats to hide about it. "Yes?" Yuri fails to sound inoceny instead of stressed, very wasy for Makarovto pick up on. "Spit it out", the orders comes from the kitchen. "Eh.. Just look her up", Yuri trys to talk himself out of this he made it this far no need to risk to get killed over a stupid lewd painting. Makarov having even less patience for bullshit like this after working all night is throwing an apple at Yuri, hitting the back of Yuris head perfectly. Who rubs his head, before picking up apple from the floor, taking a big bit out of the fruite in a attempet it to stall time. "Yuri", Makarov growls as a last warning, sounding very sexy Yuris brain is registering. "It's just she's very famous for turning nude photography into landscape paintings", Yuri finally says, making Makarov nearly drop his cup of coffee. "What?", he asks into the room, while Yuri slowly moves back to the barstool. "You have hiden porn in your livingroom", Yuri says before biting in the apple again to not having to say more for a while. "You're joking right?", Makarov says holding a butter knife towards Yuri, who is just shaking his head. "I think I would know if porn would hang in my own fucking livingroom", Makarov tells him, nearly burning part of the breakfast, because hes distracted.

Yuri eats the appel shrugging and mentaly preparing to eat what Makarov is making. It at least smells eatable, but he thought that before and was sick for 3 days. "What do you do for work now?", Makraov asked before flipping the omlett. "Freelancer work, have a good reputation in IT", Yuri answers vaguely not ready to tell Makarov about his littel cyber crime buisness. The other man is shrugging at this fair point he would also not tell Yuri more details about his job. "You think the divorce will get over with fast?", Makarov asks, trying to get a feeling for when to ofer killing Jack and how much time he needs to lure Yuri back. "Forever", Yuri answers knowing Jack will only sign the papers when he has no other choice. "Want a permanent soultion?", Makarov asks, getting a laught from Yuri who probably is thinking this is a joke. "No, unhappy spouses are on the very top of the list of suspects for your permanent solution", Yuri answers amused, rolling his eyes as if Makarov would really kill Jack for him. "Well you dont even live in the same country anymore, how are you supost to do it?", Makarov points out, putting the omlett on a plate. "Hired someone of curse, you know with ties yo organised crime will be way to easy for the pigs to figure out", Yuri says rolling his eyes before he takes another sip of his coffee. "I think I know someone how would do it for free", Makarov says before making some fried eggs for Yuri. "Nothing is for free Vlad", Yuri tells him, especialy Makarov knows this all to well. "Okey a non money payment then", Makarov purrs, getting Yuri to blush again. Yuri is glad that Makrov shows mercy and gives him foot he can actually eat with out fear of getting food poisining. "God Yuri, my cooking was not that bad", Makarov coments Yuris inspection of the food, rolling his eyes. Yuri just gives him a very pointed look before eating the piece of egg on his forge. Makarovs phone is ringing saving Yuri from having to give a verbal answer. Makarov walks away towards his office to take the call and Yuri, bravely steals a bit of the omlett from his plate. And he now confidently say that egg dishes are something Makarov can actually cook by now.

Makarov returns a few minutes later clearly looking pisst at what ever the call was about. Yuri knows better then to ask, eats another appel. "So, you plan to return to the pit?", Makrov asks giving Yuri a deadly gaze when he notices part of his omlett is missing. "Oh common it was just the corner", Yuri defents himself knowing that Makarov hates sharing his food and you will die trying stealing some of his food, if he can stop you. "The pit", Makarov reminds him, letting Yuriget away with being a thief for now. "Could get hard with out a entery card", Yuri points out the obvious, what causes Makraov to slit something towards him. A credit card, that Yuri picks up and inspects carefull, realising this is not a credit card, but a VIP card for the pit and the more luxirous clubs Makraov likely owns, odd doppel use. Yuri plays with the card lost in thought. Giving Makarov the time to finish half of his breakfast in quite and peace. "Vlad?", Yuri suddenly asks sounding angry, getting a humm as answer. "Did you give me one of your whore cards?", Yuri asked him, the question lets Makrov drop the forge. Its not like that Yuri is wrong this is what the card is mainly used for, to get whores to hangout with him in the clubs, taking one home from time to time, but thats not why he is giving Yuri the card. He just wants to give Yuri a way back in and not to get Yuri in his bed. Liar, a small voice is wispering in his ear sounding like Milena. "I.. no...", Makrov stammers not even knowing what he should answer. Yuri finishes his coffee, slips down the barstool having a smirg on his face, clearly enjoying a speachless Makarov. "Well dont know what I expected from a guy that has porn hanging at this livingroom", Yuri says winking, putting the card in the back poket of his jeans and walks towards the exit. Makarov, fells his face turning warm if he would look in a mirror his could see how his cheeks are turning pink. "Its only a whore card if you give it back", he shouts after Yuri, stapping his omlett when he hears the door closing, Yuri didnt even gave him any reaction. "FUCK", Makarovs screams angrly, but Yuri took the card that must be a good sign.