#i especially get annoyed when you go through devotional and you these kinds of answers like thanks a lot for nothing i was hoping for some

[wisegirlandseaweedbrainforever]

I get so tired of the Bible study question "what did you see of God in this passage" being answered as "His sovereignty".

Like we all know God is sovereign, this isn't in question, but sovereignty is NOT passive, what is it doing in this passage? Is God choosing forgivness? Love? Wrath? What is God doing here? What is He telling you here? These are important questions, and you are picking the lazy way out and saying God is in control? In control of what?! Tell me!!! Be active in your own study of God's word or just be honest and say you don't know and get a chance to LEARN!!!

[theoreticslut]

「 jealousy, jealously 」

eddie munson x henderson!fem reader

summary: you were a part of hellfire long before your brother and his friends got to high school, yet they fit right into the club while you get pushed aside. 

requested: no

word count: 6.4k

warnings: light angst, jealousy, brief arguing/raised voices, lots of fluff, kissing, fake gagging, few curse words

a/n: i apparently can’t write short fics for eddie, but i don’t think anyone is complaining about it. plus, i think the fics are freaking adorable & i’m highkey kinda proud of them. so i hope you continue enjoying them, as i’ve got plenty of ideas for him with more coming daily. if you’ve got an idea you’d like done (for eddie or any other st character) feel free to send it my way & i’ll give it a go. also, i couldn’t think of a better title than this, but the actual fic has no purposeful inpsiration from the olivia rodrigo song. i hope you enjoy it regardless! Xx

Part 2 out now!

You groan as you see your brother and his friends make their way through the cafeteria towards you. Knowing it was their first day of high school, you had no doubt they’d try to sit with you. It’s not that you don’t want them to, but you’re terrified that they’ll embarrass you in front of your long-standing crush and dungeon master.

It had been a few months into your freshman year of high school when the small group of friends you’d found yourself in started ranting about how weird and creepy the Hellfire club - and their leader, Eddie Munson - was. You didn’t quite hold the same opinions, though, since you’d been playing the game for a few years by then. In fact, you had only recently given it up when the friend you played with moved towns.

It was during one of your free periods when their ranting became a bit annoying to you. You had started correcting and fact-checking them, forgetting that Eddie shared the study hall with you. You never even gave it a thought that he could hear the four of you talking until he stopped you at your locker after that period - the day, luckily, being over.

He wanted to know how you knew so much about the game which is when you admitted you had played. Of course that knowledge completely floored him. 

When he was able to pull himself back together, though, he offered for you to join them at lunch the following day to meet the group and see if you wanted to become their newest member. You agreed, and within the week found yourself a permanent part of hellfire with your own shirt and everything.

It’s been two and a half years since then and you were still a part of the group, happily devoting your Thursday evenings to play the game. Within these past couple years and all the Thursdays you’ve spent in his presence, though, you found yourself falling hard for Eddie.

It’s nearly impossible not to when he’s so charismatic and funny. Not to mention how kind, passionate, and beautiful he is. You’d swear he was a fucking angel, regardless of the image he tries to portray.

“Y/n! Can we sit here with you? Please?” You hear your brother almost beg, catching your attention as your heart starts to race.

You’ve never mentioned to the group that you have a younger brother, especially not a younger brother that also plays D&D. You knew they’d want to be introduced to him, and you fear that he'd slowly come to replace you in the group.

“Who’re these kids?” Eddie questions, hands clasped in front of his face as he looks between you and the three younger boys standing behind you.

“Uh, Dustin, here, is my brother.” You start, nodding towards him as he smiles.

“A-and these are his friends, Mike and Lucas.” 

“A young Henderson…hmm? Tell me, do you guys play?” Eddie asks the three boys, catching them off guard, their mouths opening and closing as they figure out how to answer.

“They do. They’ve been playing for a few years.” You answer for them, motioning for them to just sit down.

“Thank you.” Mike and Lucas mouth, having sat on the same side of the table as you with Dustin.

You sigh, smiling lightly as you nod to them. Of course you don’t want to upset Eddie, but you’re also not going to leave your brother and his friends to fend for themselves.

Wanting to move on, you take a bite of your lunch, hoping that Eddie leaves the topic of the boys joining you alone. Having known him for three years, though, you should know that he can’t.

“You’ve never mentioned having a brother, Henderson.” He comments, and you can practically feel his eyes on you as you stare at your food.

“The topic never really came up.” 

“Not even when I’ve mentioned wanting to find new members?” He lightly smirks, curious as to why you’d keep such a thing secret. 

Surely you realize how great having a brother that plays D&D is? Within the year most of you will be graduating, and he needs someone to pass the dungeon master title on to. Your younger brother and his friends just starting high school couldn’t be a better option.

“Figured you’d find him and his friends soon enough anyways.” you comment, still not looking up to the curly-haired adonis.

“Hmm, well they’ve saved me the work of searching them out by coming over here. Welcome to hellfire, boys.” 

“Wait, you’re just letting them join?” Gareth questions.

“Yeah. You’ve seen Henderson play. If they know her then they’ve got to be good.” Eddie smiles, making your cheeks flush.

“They’re good, but not on my account.�� You mumble.

“Nonsense. Still can’t believe you wouldn’t tell us about them before now, though.” 

“How come you haven’t, y/n? I mean, you talk about them all the time.” Dustin asks, before taking a bite of his food. 

At his statement, the rest of the group seem to perk up, curious to know what you say about each of them. 

“I do not. I’ve only mentioned the club a few times.” You huff, feeling your cheeks heat up a bit more.

“Only a few times to mom and I, but I hear you on the phone with your friend talking about them every week.”

“First off, why’re you even listening to me on the phone? Secondly, the only reason I talk about the club is because I’m updating her on my life.” 

“Got a rather boring life then.” Dustin quips and you simply gawk at him, not believing him right now as a few surprised chuckles leave the rest of the boys.

“Shut up and eat, Dustin. No one asked for your input.” 

You watch him shrug before turning to Mike and Lucas while you stick to staring at your food, feeling the group's eyes on you. It’s bad enough you’re the only girl in the group, you didn’t need them to know you talk about them on a weekly basis.

Little do you realize that Eddie can’t help but find himself smiling at this new side of you. He’s been intrigued by you ever since he first heard you correcting your friends back in your freshman year. He couldn’t believe that such a beautiful girl would play the game he loved.

Of course, after watching you play and just spending time with you during lunch, he’s found himself crushing on you, even if you still remained a bit of a mystery to him. He couldn’t bring himself to tell you of his feelings, though. Not once in the three years he’s known you.

Hearing that you talk about the club, though, makes his heart race. You really enjoy their company so much that you’d talk about them to a friend? It’s insane to him, and yet it makes him feel giddy. He can’t help but wonder what you’ve said - about the club or about him.

~.~

“Lauren, I’m telling you! For as long as I’ve been a part of the club, my brother joins and suddenly that’s all they care about. They all like my brother and his friends better than me.” You sigh, turning onto your back as you stare at the ceiling.

“I highly doubt that, y/n. I’m sure it’s just that your brother and his friends are still new.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure, Laur. I mean, it’s not like I really bring anything to the group.”

“Y/n, you’re the only girl.”

“That doesn’t mean anything though.” You almost whine. 

You hate to admit it, but you’ve been feeling left out of the club ever since your brother and his friends joined a few months ago. You had the feeling that this would happen, even though you hoped it wouldn’t.

It’s not like you really bring anything to the group, though, now that you’ve introduced Dustin, Lucas, and Mike to the club. Your character isn’t super powerful or helpful or anything. You’re not the best roller. You’re just there...seemingly wasting space.

“Pretty sure it does. I mean, the way you’ve talked about…what’s his name, Eddie?”

“What about him?”

“The way you’ve talked about him, it sounds like he likes you.”

“No. No, he doesn’t. I’m sure of that. He barely talks to me.” You sigh, rolling over onto your stomach as you bury your head into the pillows.

“Y/n, hon, boys are terrible at talking to the girls they like!” Lauren laughs, and you know she’s shaking her head at you.

“Not Eddie. He usually can’t stop flirting, and yet he doesn’t flirt with me. I don’t even think he’s ever actually called me by my name, Laur. I’m just...Henderson to him.”

“Maybe you make him nervous.”

“Me? Make him nervous? Laur, you’ve lost your mind!” You scoff, knowing you could never make a guy nervous. 

Guys don’t even notice you, for crying out loud. How can you make them nervous?

“I don’t make guys nervous. Guys don’t even notice me, Laur. I’m not you.”

“Okay, now you’re just being down on yourself and I’m not going to have that. If this Eddie guy can’t see how fucking amazing you are, then he just doesn’t deserve you. Alright?”

“Not alright. I want him to like me. Like, a lot.” You pout.

“I’m telling you he does. If I’m wrong then I’ll drive myself down there and let you have free go at me. How’s that?”

“You know I’d never do that to you, but I’m telling you that you’re wrong.”

“Sure, I like him, but I know it’s never going to happen.” You sigh, twirling the cord as you stare at your bedspread, still laying on your stomach.

“What’s never going to happen?” You hear Dustin ask, making you jump and drop the phone.

“Dustin, get out of my room!”

“But it’s time to go! We’re going to be late if we don’t leave, y/n, and I don’t want to upset Eddie by being late.” He rambles, and all you can do is roll your eyes.

“Fine. Go get in the car. I’ll be right down.”

“Don’t forget that we’re picking up Mike and Lucas. And don’t forget your folder!”

“I won’t. Now go.” You groan, rolling back onto your stomach and grabbing the phone.

“I’m sorry, Laur. I’ve got to go.” 

“Time to go see your man, huh?” She teases and you roll your eyes, attempting to fight back a blush.

“He’s not my man. Never will be. I’ll call you later, though, okay?” 

“You better! Love you.”

With a ‘love you’ of your own you hang up the phone and roll off of your bed. Grabbing your backpack and a sweater, you slip your shoes on before grabbing your keys and leaving the room.

You really kind of hope tonight’s game goes by quickly, not wanting to be in Eddie’s presence longer than necessary.

~.~

Eddie can’t help but frown as he watches you tonight. He’s been noticing how you’ve been seeming more and more down, almost seeming to pull into yourself and away from the group this past month.

You’ve been quiet lately, which isn’t terribly out of character for you, but it seems different than normal. You don’t quite have that same brightness to you that Eddie’s come to look forward to each day.

“Henderson, is everything alright?”

At his voice you’re pulled from your thoughts, turning to look at the beautiful, curly-haired man that makes your heart race and palms sweat.

“Mhm. Fine.” You hum, nodding and sending a small smile in his direction.

“You’re sure?”

“Mhm.”

As you hum, you turn your attention back to your clasped hands on the table as you zone back out to Dustin and the rest of the group chattering around you.

“Little Henderson, is something up with your sister?” you hear Eddie question as he turns his attention to your brother. 

“Unbelievable.” You huff, shaking your head and crossing your arms as you slump back in your chair.

“Excuse me?” 

“Nothing. Never mind.” You mumble, staring at the table in front of you as you chew on the inside of your cheek.

All you did was zone out for a moment. You don’t understand why he’d have to ask Dustin what’s wrong when that’s all you did. It’s not like he’s ever actually taken notice of your emotions before to know that something is wrong.

“I think she’s upset about a guy.” Dustin speaks up after a moment and you can’t help but scowl at him, brows furrowed in shocked anger.

“A guy?” Eddie questions, almost seeming surprised.

“Yeah.” 

“It’s not about a guy, Dustin. Maybe try keeping your head out of my business.” You retort, jaw tensing in anger.

“But you were saying something about liking someone and how it’s not going to happen.”

“And I told you to stop listening in on me when I’m on the phone.” 

“Then what’s wrong?” Dustin questions, seeming like he genuinely wants to know which irritates you slightly. Why does he have to be so caring when you’re trying to be angry with him?

“Doesn’t matter.” you state, wanting the conversation to be over.

“Yes, it does.”

“If I wanted to tell you, Dustin, I would. Just leave it.” 

“G-guys, can we…can we get playing again?” You hear Mike stutter out and you let out a deep breath.

“Yeah. Sorry for getting off topic. Let’s play.”

“Are you going to be alright to play?” Eddie questions, looking you over, seemingly studying your body language.

He’s never seen you upset before, and he can’t help but wonder what’s going on. It’s not like you to be angry and short with others. Not when he’s always seen you as the happy, upbeat one of the group. 

Could it be a guy like Dustin suggested? Or is it just that you’re not feeling well? Either way he can’t help but want to know.

“I’ll be fine. Let’s just get this going again.” you answer, not bothering to look at anyone but rather as the table and your hands. 

“Henderson-“ Eddie starts, but you quickly cut him off, taking him by surprise at the sheer frustration coming from you.

“Do you not want me playing right now? I said I’ll be fine. Believe me, will you?” 

“Alright. Where were we?”

You let out a breath as you all slowly get back to the game, although you can feel the tenseness of the air still lingering. Attempting to ignore it, you force yourself to focus on what Eddie and everyone else is saying, hoping to god the campaign isn’t much longer.

~.~

Taking your seat at the lunch table, you feel Gareth and Jeff’s eyes on you. It’s like they’re not sure how to talk to you, almost afraid that you’re still as touchy as you were last night during the game.

“I’m not going to bite your heads off, you know.” You comment, not bothering to look up at them as you shove a forkful of food into your mouth.

“You’re sure?” Gareth questions, eyes wider than normal as he still seems cautious.

“Mhm. I just wasn’t feeling great last night.”

“Okay. You’ve just…never been like this.” He states and you know he’s not wrong. Ever since you first joined the club you’ve been quiet and almost demure, not wanting to create any issues. 

You shrug, acknowledging his statement, but leave it unanswered. There’s not really anything to say to that. Not when the entire reason for your irritation is kind of embarrassing and childish.

The two of them don’t seem to mind though, going back to talking amongst themselves as you eat in silence, waiting for everyone else to join the table.

It’s not like anything really changes once everyone is there. They all chat amongst themselves while you keep to yourself, only giving short replies when talked to. You simply eat in silence as you let yourself fall into your thoughts, not wanting to make the atmosphere tense like you had last night.

No one seems to mind, though. At least you don’t think they do. Not until Eddie slides into the empty desk next to yours in your shared study hall at the end of the day.

“Hey, Henderson.” He greets, voice lowered so as to not get yelled at by the teacher or to potentially get on your bad side.

“Hey.” 

“What’s…what’s going on lately?”

“What do y’mean?”

“You’ve been quieter than usual. Not as happy either.”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about Eddie.” You mumble, not wanting to share what’s been going on.

“No? See, I think you know exactly what I’m talking about. Something’s bothering you.” 

“So what if there is? I’m not telling you unless I want to.” 

At your reply, Eddie simply sighs, and you can’t help but feel a little rude. It’s not like he’s done anything, it’s just your stupid thoughts and feelings getting in the way.

“Alright then. I’m not going to push for an answer. I just...I need to know that whatever it is won’t be interfering with the campaign.” 

“It won’t be. Not from here on out.”

“Here on out?”

“I’m quitting the club. Been thinking about it for a while now.” You admit, watching his face fall at your words.

“Henderson-“

“It’s y/n, Eddie.“

As the words leave your lips, the bell rings to signal that the day is finally over. Without hesitating a second, you’re up from your seat and walking away, leaving Eddie confused and scrambling to catch up to you.

“Y/n?” He calls, chasing you from the classroom and towards the doors, not caring that he needed to stop at his locker.

You see Dustin, Lucas, and Mike waiting by the trash can at the edge of the parking lot, and you sigh. You really can’t wait to get home.

“Y/n?! What’s brought this on? Why do you wanna leave the club?” Eddie calls as he continues to follow you towards the parking lot.

“You’re leaving hellfire?” Dustin questions, him and the other two boys having heard Eddie.

“Just get in the car, Dustin.”

“But you’re leaving hellfire?! You can’t just do that!” 

“Exactly! Why’re you trying to leave?” Eddie questions, panting lightly as he finally catches up to you at your car.

“I’m not trying to leave, Eddie. I am leaving. I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. Sorry.”

“No. You can’t just leave. We haven’t finished the campaign yet.”

“You’ll figure out how to continue it without me, I’m sure.”

Of course he’d just be upset about the game getting messed up and not about you actually leaving. Why would he care when he’s still got Little Henderson there? 

“I’ll return my shirt next week.” You state, moving to get into the car.

“Th-that’s not necessary. Hold onto the shirt. Keep it for memory’s sake, I mean.”

“If that’s what you want.” 

Eddie nods, watching you, seeming as if he wants to say something else but he can’t bring himself to.

“Is that everything?” You question, wanting nothing more than to leave.

“Yeah...Yeah, I guess. I’ll see you around?” 

“Yeah. See you around. Come on now, Dustin.”

“You two need rides?” You question Mike and Lucas, almost seeming to ignore Eddie as you get in the car. They shake their heads and you nod, closing your door as you wait for Dustin to do the same.

Soon as he does, you’re putting the car in reverse and backing out as you had already started it. You really didn’t want to be there any longer than you already had been.

As you pull out of the parking lot, though, you can feel Dustin wanting to ask questions, but he seems scared to anger you, so he stays quiet. His questions simply swirling around his head, instead.

~.~

“Wait, you did what now?!” Lauren questions, almost screaming into the receiver.

“I quit the club. I couldn’t keep pretending everything was fine when it wasn’t.”

“But you enjoyed it.”

“I enjoyed it when I hadn’t been shoved to the background. I enjoyed it when I actually felt like a part of the club.” 

“So talk to them? You don’t just quit something because it stopped being fun.”

“I think that’s precisely what you do when a club stops being fun, Laur. Besides, it’s not like they miss me.” You huff, pulling your feet towards your body as you lay on your stomach, softly kicking them in the air.

It’s been just about a month since you quit the club, and while it saddens you a little, you’ve also felt the tiniest bit of relief. You don’t have to try so hard to keep your crush on Eddie hidden anymore. You don’t have to spend every lunch period listening to the guys talk about whatever it is they do while you sit to the side. You don’t have to feel like the outcast in the group of outcasts. 

Sure you miss playing the game, but it’s not the end of the world. You’ve found other things to keep yourself preoccupied. Mostly just listening to music and doing your homework, but you’ve found yourself picking up art as a hobby as the days dragged on, slowly starting to fill and old sketchbook you’ve had lying around.

~.~

“It’s still so weird that y/n isn’t here.” Gareth comments as the boys watch you sit at a different table once again. They don’t know why, but they keep hoping this has just been some kind of nightmare and that any day you’ll actually sit back down with them. It just doesn’t make sense why you’d leave them all so abruptly. 

“Yeah. It is.” Jeff agrees, sighing as they see a smile form on your face with a laugh falling out right after. It’s been way too long since any of them have seen you like this, and it kind of hurts.

“She still wears her shirt a lot.” Dustin informs, looking at the older boys - Eddie included - as they watch you.

“She does?” Eddie questions, the bit of knowledge somehow lifting him up a little.

He hated hearing you say you were quitting, and he hated it even more when Monday came around the week after and you didn’t sit with them. Nearly three years you had sat by his side and suddenly you weren’t there anymore. It felt beyond wrong, but he didn’t know what to do to fix it, if there even was anything that he could do.

“Yeah. She seems to wear it all the time now. I’m honestly not sure when the last time was that she didn’t wear it.”

Eddie nods, smiling lightly at the thought. He can’t help but wonder if there’s anything different he could have done to keep you from leaving. Was it something he had said? Or done? Was it just him?

“She’s been acting weird since she left. I heard her on the phone the other day-“

“You really should stop that, Dustin.” Eddie pipes up, but the younger boy doesn’t seem to hear.

“She said something about how she couldn’t keep pretending everything was fine after mentioning to her friend that she quit.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I don’t know. I’ve never known her to pretend about anything. I don’t know what she was talking about.”

“Because then she said something about enjoying the club when she felt like a part of it? She’s always been a part of it though.” Dustin continues, frowning as he eats his food.

He may not understand what you were talking about, but Eddie has a sinking feeling that he does. He really hopes he’s wrong though. 

He doesn’t want to admit that he was giving your brother and his friends more attention than he’s ever really gave you. It’s not that they’re better than you in any way, honestly. It’s just that they’re boys. 

He’s always hesitated in giving you attention during meetings or at lunch, because he didn’t want anyone to catch onto the crush he has on you. He was afraid that if Gareth or Jeff knew he liked you, that it’d make the atmosphere awkward. 

Even by keeping you at a distance, though, the two guys picked up on Eddie’s crush. It’s not in his character to be quiet or reserved in the slightest, so when they noticed how he constrained himself in conversation with you, they knew something was up.

Still, Eddie could never allow himself to act the same way with you like he does with Gareth and Jeff, and now your brother and his friends. He wanted you to like him, so he kept himself from being sarcastic and outspoken with you. Hearing Dustin talk though, Eddie has the suspicion that his plan may have backfired.

“Your sister still picks you up from the meetings, doesn’t she?” Eddie questions, already planning out what he wants to say to you when he can get you aside for a moment.

“No. Nancy’s been dropping me off or I’ve just been riding my bike.” 

“I’ll be driving you home tonight then.” 

“O-okay?!”

Eddie chuckles lightly at Dustin’s excitement, but he never takes his eyes off of you across the cafeteria. He needs to talk to you, and he’s hoping that tonight he can do just that.

~.~

“You know it ain’t easy, running out of thrills. You know it ain’t easy when you don’t know what you want.” 

You hum, laying on your bed as you listen to the drums, guitar, and vocals of Europe fill your room.

“What do you want?” You question, mirroring the song, your foot tapping against your bedspread as you close your eyes.

“Woah-oh-oh, you want to rock now, rock the night, ‘til early in the morning light. Rock now, rock the night.”

“Woah-oh, woah-oh, yeah!” You sing, smiling lightly. 

It’s been awhile since you’ve been able to just relax and enjoy listening to your music without worrying about homework or being late to hellfire. One of the plus sides of quitting the club - you finally get time just for yourself.

Hearing a knock on your door, you hum loud enough to acknowledge whoever is at the door.

“y/n? You’ve got a visitor.” Dustin calls, gently opening your door.

“Who?” You question, sitting up on your bed, nodding as Eddie comes into view behind Dustin.

“Oh…hi.”

“Hi. I-is it alright if I come in?” He questions, pausing in your doorway.

“Yeah, I guess so.” 

As he makes his way inside, you situate yourself in your bed so you’re comfortably sitting up.

“Do you…” 

At Eddie’s voice, you look up to see him questioning you about your door, going to close it before swinging it open.

“You can close it if you want. I don’t care.” 

He nods, softly shoving the door to close it, not quite giving it enough force to close all the way so there’s a little crack left open.

“So what’re you doing here?” You question him, watching him as he looks around, seeming a bit out of place with your soft white walls and contradicting decor.

While he may fit into the plethora of rock band posters covering your walls and the many records and cassettes you’ve got laying around, he doesn’t fit in with the florals and stuffed animals you’ve got elsewhere in your room.

“I, uh, I was hoping we could talk.”

“About what?”

You can’t help but chuckle as he spots the bralette hanging out of your dresser, you having been too lazy to tuck it back in earlier, and seems to pale in horror. For seeming so confident and cocky, he sure doesn’t look it being in a girl’s room.

“You can sit, you know.” You offer, motioning to the chair you’ve got in the corner of your room.

“Yeah, okay.” He mumbles, taking a few steps over towards the chair before sitting on the edge of the seat.

You watch as he takes in your room, fidgeting with his hands and rings as he does so. If you didn’t know better, you’d say he was nervous to be here.

“What did you want to talk about?”

“Uh, well, w-we really miss you being in the club. G-gareth, Jeff, and I. I mean, s-so do the younger ones, but…”

“But you three miss me more?” You question, eyebrow cocking in disbelief.

“Well, yeah…yeah.”

“Okay.” You deadpan, not sure what he wants in reply to that. It’s nice to hear that they miss you, but it doesn’t really change anything.

A brief moment passes where you watch Eddie, waiting for him to say something else. Taking in his mannerisms and body language, you can’t remember a time when Eddie’s ever looked so nervous and unsure of himself.

“D-dustin was saying you felt left out? Of the club?” Eddie clarifies, drawing up just enough courage to look at you.

“He was listening to me on the phone again, wasn’t he?” 

“Y-yeah. I tried telling him to stop, but I don’t think he heard me.” he sighs, chuckling lightly in nerves as you shake your head.

“I don’t think he’ll ever stop, if I’m honest. He’ll be traumatized one day or another I’m sure.” You laugh, shaking your head at the thought as you smile.

“It’s true though? You…you felt left out?”

“Yeah. It’s dumb, I know, but you guys took so easily to Dustin, Lucas, and Mike.”

“I get it, they’re great kids, and they play D&D…but it’s like they didn’t even have to try to fit into the group.” You sigh, knowing it’s about time you share at least part of the problem.

“No. No, it’s not dumb. I’m sorry we made you - I made you - feel that way.” Eddie sighs, catching your line of sight in his, wanting you to realize how sincere he’s being.

He never wanted to make you feel left out, it’s just his stupid feelings that got in the way.

“It’s fine. It doesn’t matter anymore, anyways.” 

“It does matter, though. We’d - I’d - really like you to join the group again. It’s not the same without you there, y/n.”

“I’m sorry. I just, I really don’t think joining again would be good, though.” You admit, knowing that if you joined again you’d still just be upset that nothing will ever come from your crush on him.

“How come? I-is there something else that’s been bothering you about the club? I want you to feel welcome.”

“No. No, It’s nothing about the club, Eddie. There’s just a lot of things going on personally that’d make it hard.”

“That guy issue?”

“What?”

“Is it anything to do with that guy issue Dustin mentioned?” Eddie questions, and you can’t help but gawk at him.

“Does he not like you playing or something?”

“What? No.” you answer, shaking your head incredulously, wondering how Eddie got it into his head that you’d ever be wanted by someone. Has he never actually watched how other guys interact with you?

“Then what is it? Why won’t you come back to the club?”

“It doesn’t matter. I just...can’t. It’s better if I let you guys enjoy it yourselves.”

“It’s not better, though. We all want you back, y/n.”

“I’m sorry.” You sigh, not knowing what else you can say. 

A moment passes where neither of you say anything and you start to think that maybe you’re done talking. Before you can say anything of the sort though, Eddie’s asking a question.

“Tell me, is there anything I can do? Anything that would make you want to come back?”

“No…no, there’s nothing you could do, eddie, I promise y-“

“There must be.” He argues, wanting nothing more than to find something he can do to get you to come back. 

He misses you more than he thought possible, and he just needs there to be something - anything - he can do.

“There’s not, though.”

“How come?”

“What?”

“How come there’s nothing I can do? Are you just that dead set on not coming back? Even though we all miss you?”

“If I could, trust me that I would join the group again. I just, I can’t right now, Eddie. I’m sor-“

“Why can’t you?”

“Because…because of you.” You sigh, fed up with him pushing for an answer.

“Me?”

“You, Eddie. I can’t come back because of you. Because if I did then I’d just get all upset again because my heart is dumb and doesn’t know how to listen.” 

“What do you mean?”

You sigh, taking a deep breath as you look at him. You can’t seriously be getting ready to tell him this, but you are. You don’t see any other option right now.

“I like you, Eddie.” You sigh, fidgeting with your fingers.

“I like you, but you don’t like me. I mean, it’s obvious between you never talking to me or looking at me and how you’ve always called me Hender-“

You gasp, moaning lightly as you get cut off by a pair of lips on yours. Eddie was kissing you to shut you up.

At the realization you can’t help but panic, not understanding why he’d do this when he doesn’t like you. 

“Eddie!” 

“Fuck! I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just, you were rambling and saying I didn’t like you but I do! I do. I like y-“

It’s his turn to gasp and groan into the kiss as you pull him to your lips, one hand tightly grasped in the front of his shirt while the other drapes around his shoulders, holding him close to you.

As he realizes what’s happening, he relaxes into the kiss, his one hand coming up to caress your cheek as the other holds himself up on the bed.

It’s not until you’re both out of breath and gasping for air do you actually pull away from each other, your hand relaxing against his chest as he lowers his from your cheek.

“Woah.” He sighs, trying to catch his breath as he chuckles lightly, studying your face.

“Yeah.” You murmur, ghosting your fingers over your lips as if trying to remember if that actually just happened.

“Uhm, so I like you. If-if that wasn’t obvious.” He stutters and you chuckle, smiling at the curly-haired dork.

“I like you too.”

“I’m sorry I pushed you away. Made you feel left out when I was just too nervous to admit I liked you.”

“I’m sorry I got all moody and quit the club because I was jealous of my brother instead of just telling you how I felt.”

“So…does this mean you’ll come back?” He asks, hopeful, as he kneels in front of you.

“You’ll stop treating me differently?”

“Mhm. Trust me when I say there’ll be no pushing you away after that.” 

“Mm. Don’t be treating me specially either just because we kissed.” you lightly chuckle, cocking a brow as you chew on your lip to hold back the smile wanting to light up your face.

“Can I treat you differently if I ask you to be my girlfriend?” he questions, a wide, goofy smile filling his face as he looks at you.

A smile grows on your face at his sheer happiness, drawing a light chuckle from you as you reply to his question.

“Not during game play. We don’t wanna be unfair to the guys, do we?”

“Mm, you’re right. If I promise to not treat you specially during gameplay then will you be my girlfriend?” he asks, really wanting to hear you say yes. He’s only liked you for nearly three years, frequently imagining you as his girlfriend the entire time.

“I would really love for you to be my girlfriend, and I your boyfriend. It just. It sounds really nice.” 

“You ramble a lot. You know that?” You giggle, tucking some hair behind his ear as a blush dusts over his cheeks.

“Is that a good thing?”

“Sometimes.” You smile, biting your lip to keep from kissing him again.

“So…?”

“If you promise not to treat me specially during the game, then I’d love to be your girlfriend, Eddie.”

“Yeah?” He questions, as if he doesn’t believe that you’d agree.

“Yeah.”

With the word out of your mouth, his lips find yours again, pulling a chuckle from your body as he slowly lowers himself on top of you, pinning you against your mattress as he kisses you, one hand cupping your cheek as the other rests on your waist.

“Did you-ew!” You hear Dustin call from your doorway, fake gagging as he sees Eddie on top of you, effectively startling the man back into kneeling at the end of your bed.

“Did we what, dustin?” You ask, leaning around Eddie’s body to look at your brother still standing at your doorway, one hand plastered over his eyes.

“I wanted to see if you two had figured things out, but it seems like you did.”

“Yeah, we did, little henderson. Your sister is coming back to the club.” Eddie shares, smiling at you as he situates himself on the bed beside you, Dustin uncovering his eyes in excitement at the exact same time.

“Can you please get off of my sister?” he begs, shielding his eyes again as eddie places a soft kiss to your lips in his own happiness of you coming back to the club.

“But I like being close to my girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?! You’re dating my sister?!” Dustin exclaims, a look of pure shock and disgust on his face.

“Is there a problem with it, Dustin?” You question, watching your brother almost seeming to pout.

“I guess not. Just…don’t be gross when I’m around. Please?”

“We’ll try not to be.” Eddie states, smiling at you as Dustin nods, giving a small okay before leaving the two of you alone.

As the door closes, Eddie’s looking back at you, both of you chuckling.

“Guess you were right in saying he’d be traumatized one day.” He chuckles, leaning down to give you another kiss, never realizing just how amazing it’d feel to have your lips on his.

You can’t help but smile into it, enjoying the feel of his body on yours. You’ve only been imaging this moment for nearly four years. You’ve got to say that nothing you imagined could ever live up to the reality, though. Kissing Eddie is like a little slice of heaven, you swear.

It certainly took you long enough to get here, but now that you’re here, you don’t ever want to go back.

pls like & reblog the fic if you enjoyed it! 

add yourself to my taglist! 

st taglist; @mollysolo @paola-carter @milflover419 @science--hoes @anonymously-nerdy @hpotterwhore @bonked-beyond-belief2

[kimmiessimmies]

OC Deep Dive Questionnaire Tag

A set of 20 questions to get to know your OC!

I was tagged a few times to do this. First by @anamoon63, thank you! ❤️ You requested both James and Finn, so I'll start with James and will address Finn on a later one. 😊

What uncommon/common fear do they have?

James is terribly afraid people can see the pain behind his smiles. He's afraid of being "found out." People are slowly catching on he's actually not doing okay at all, and he hates that. He wants to keep everything close to his chest and decide for himself who he trusts with his shit.

Do they have any pet peeves?

When people don't clear up their mess. Especially now that he lives in a student dorm it annoys him. Some housemates leave their dirty dishes on the counter or even on the tables and it frustrates James to no end. He got along fine with Chris, his old roommate, but he's also quite happy he didn't get assigned a new roommate after Chris left. Also because of the answer to the previous question.

What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom?

His guitar, his keyboard and empty staff paper.

What do they notice first in a person?

Whether they're being real or pretending. James sees through the "fakes". It takes one to know one, I guess.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance?

Quite high, probably an 8. He can handle physical pain a bit too well... And thus uses it to mask his emotional pain...

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure?

James definitely flees from his internal pain. He doesn't want to feel everything he feels, so he tries to escape. In other ways he is actually quite a fighter, but he fights against the wrong things.

Do they come from a big family/are they a family person?

James' relationship with his parents is strained, but he adores his sisters and is a devoted uncle to his nieces Viola and Rosa. He also loved his grandmother and has a strong relationship with his uncle Oliver and aunt Claire, Daniel's parents.

What animal represents them best?

I answered this before and I'm sticking to a ragdoll cat, because they're cuddly and affectionate, yet very independent and slightly cross eyed. 😉

What is a smell that they dislike?

The smell of blood is triggering for James...

Have they broken any bones?

He broke the tip of his index finger on his right hand when he dropped a heavy shelf on it when he was a teenager. He couldn't play guitar for weeks and it made him very annoyed.

How would a stranger likely describe them?

Outgoing, charming, confident (proving they don't truly know him).

Are they a night owl or a morning bird?

Definite night owl

What is a flavour they hate and a flavour they love?

James has a bit of a sweet tooth, so anything inherently bitter is not his favourite thing to eat.

Do they have any hobbies?

Unsurprisingly, anything musical. Writing music, making music, singing. It's his happy place.

Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprises?

While James would be all smiles when someone threw him a surprise party, deep down, he would much rather spend his birthday with his friends or someone special. He does like surprises in general, but when you unknowingly catch him at a mental low, James would secretly struggle.

Do they like to wear jewellery?

Not particularly.

Do they have neat or messy handwriting?

What are the two emotions they feel the most?

Currently, it's clear he's fallen desperately in love, has no idea how to deal with that, and it takes over all his thoughts and emotions. I wouldn't know how to pinpoint two emotions for James even if this wasn't the case, though. His emotions always go all over the place, from anxiety to excitement and everything in between.

Do they have a favourite fabric?

Nothing synthetic, but other than that he doesn't really care.

What kind of accent do they have?

None, really. His voice is warm and kind. It's not very deep, but definitely not high either.

[thethirdpapa]

"Father, bless me for that I will sin"

Summary: Father Jim deFroque gets possesed by a familiar face AN: Happy Jesus he knows me anniversairy y´all have a bit of Jim suffering in honor of that. Let me know if you want part 2. Also the art is a nod to a very beloved horror game. Guess which one in the comments!! TW: Possesion , cussing , discussion of religion , mild gore , pain Words: 1,3k

Father Jim deFroque. Some call him the good willing father of the Jesus talks, some know him from his masses, some know him from his not so holy night life. Somewhat he had the trace of a glorious Popstar-Life, but behind this naïve look and the preaching of comfortable lies with the subtle manipulation of giving some man all your money to be greeted into heaven with open arms. Not to speak that Jum had a lot of interesting callers , especially around easter. Some days he wondered if it wasn’t the infamous ministry who chased these kinds of calls upon his neck to annoy him. But , as a priest must, he kept his patience all the way, And it wasn’t only his good willing patience that helped him stay calm during the arguments on the Jesus talks, but also the leftovers from his wild nights . Some wonder if he had a cold that he never gets rid off as they get to hear the sniffing from time to time on calls

Yet , one call was interesting. It came , late at night while he was in the bathroom , taking care of his hair. He forgot to leave the light on in his bedroom , which made the call coming from it seem like the scene right before a jumpscare in a horror movie. The only source of light was the moon from outside, shimmering lightly through the stained glass. Jim picked up, who would he be if not a priest always available for his devoted followers?He was just surprised the call did go to his mobile phone rather than the one he was given by the church for the jesus talks. He picked up.

“Good evening ,May god bless your soul. you are speaking to Father Jim deFroque. How may I help you?” he answered in his usual demeanor. There was no answer. Except some weird, breathing noises. Jim thought it was one of these interesting calls again and was about to hang up when suddenly , a rather familiar voice spoke . “Another day of serving the lord?” . What a weird.. teasy sounding question. Jim firstly had to think for a moment. “Sir, is this a serious question or do you just want to …” Jim started with a confused tone as the voice interrupted him “..No..no.. genuine question.” . “Well , yes, obviously. How shall I not fulfill my duty of serving our shepherd” Jim responded in his usual demeanor. “How are you so sure that he is actually real? Has he done something to prove his existence to you?” Yes, it was done of those callers again. Jim took a deep sigh, deciding if he should just shit on the rules and tell the caller to fuck off, or if he should grab into his basket of “evidence” he keeps repeating like a broken record.

He decided for option two, he does not need any troubles right now , as he did not wish to ruin his image just because it was 2 am and he was about to go to bed since he didn’t feel like clubbing today. “Well you see, I consider my duty and life to be a blessing of our lord and saviour. He has led me to my mission to bring the message of the holy spirit to the masses and redirect the people back to the right path” . There was silence , then a chuckling.. “redirect them to the right path..sure” the voice replies snarky “do you ask them if they wish to? Do they come to you even?” Jim felt himself getting tired of this pointless conversation, but also weirdly anxious. “Sir, I only do what I must, not what I decide is the solution” . The voice snickered at that. “Im sure they’ll appreciate you” . That was when the call ended. Leaving Jim with the phone in his hand, starring at the screen of the suppressed number. Jim found this weird, but nothing shocking. And decided to go to bed, but he still couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was out to get him.

Jim didn’t have the most pleasant dream either, a rather short figure appearing in his dream only to laugh at him. As he stepped closer to the figure he got to see their face, it was familiar face paint what burned itself into his memory. The unmatched eyes, it was like he has seen them before. Why was this haunting him?  But that wasn’t the worst of it all. As the figure stepped closer, He was revealing his horns, and the ground beneath Jim was burning. They just watched him on fire, waving even a little with a smile he didn’t know was meant to be a greeting or a farewell. The eyes and the face paint stayed in his memory even as he awoke. It was still dark. He checked his watch , spotting it was only five am

The light in the bathroom was still on. Jim couldn’t recall if he switched it off before bed or not so he forced himself up to turn it off. Yet his eyes were greeted with a different scenery as he wished to. There was red paint on his mirror, spelling the word Sinner. Now that was the final straw to get the faithful man out of his calm demeanor. He inspected the paint, but the paint turned it out to be blood.

Firstly Jim went to check his locks and windows, in case someone wanted to pull a prank on him. But all locked and closed. Which was weird. To say the least. “Holy Father have mercy on my soul…” Jim whispered under his breath. And the plead was replies with a chuckling. The same as on the call. Jim shook his head, refusing to let his mind trick him. He started to consider that these were the after effects of his last trip. As he stood in front of the mirror with disbelief the light switched off.

Jim unintentionally screamed. Not sure if it was the shock  or the fact that everything what was going on seemed out of a horror movie. He prayed quietl under his breath, pinched himself even to wake himself up from this nightmare. Pleading to whoever was listening to stop his madness. “No, No” it sounded behind him. Jim gulped  and turned around to the noise,  (He felt incredibly stupid for acting like a horror movie protagonist in this situation) and spotted the man from his dreams sit there. Didn’t they say he was dead? Decaptivated even? And of course he had horns. He smirked at Jim. “So ..Are you still on the right path?, Father?" He asked while looking absent minded towards the wall . “What a stupid question, of course I am. What do you want, my soul? “ Jim yelled hysterically , losing his demeanor. Why was he tormenting him like that?

The man stood up. He didnt answer his question but was smirking even brighter. “Lets see how he can save you now from that” he replied, with that he revealed his horns and wings. He snapped his finger and a burning pain claimed Jim´s chest. The father screamed for mercy. To anyone that would listen to help him. “Burn in hell you--…” Jim went quiet. He felt something shift, enter his mind and spread inside him like poison , no prayers would save him now. And he was simply not qualified for an exorcism on himself and way too panicked to continue. Jim felt his faith fade, along with his mind.  No matter how hard he tried to stay and not let the evil take him over, it was too late for salvation. The begs of mercy faded slowly. His tortured expression turned into one of satisfaction

Father Jim was no more, his smile was not his own, his eyes always overshadowed with the omnipresent glow of his red eyes. Jim slowly got up, groaning from his floor. Facing his new form in the mirror. A bright smile painted his face and he chuckled. A weird dark red substance trickled from his mouth and eyes , and his iris were black along.

And with that the beloved father was gone , buried deep beneath the shadows of the possesion , locked in the dark of his mind.

[cosplayproblemsposts]

Spray paint

Rumors spread like wildfire, especially the mysterious spraypaint artist struck once again.

Male character x male reader.

(polyamorous)

Staff members gesture first years away from the scene while other students took photos of the newfound mural. The colorful mural sat on the side of the gym "Move along!" teachers call as a swarm of students moves along.

You grin down at your phone as your piece of work blows up "Hey, Y/N over here!" Isaac your library Buddie waves you over to a nearby shelf. "We're are meant to be devoted librarians, not screen zombies" you hobble on the heels of your shoes "Sorry Isaac just a little distracted".

Reorganizing books gave you some form of peace whenever Harry acts like a total twit...let's just say you're his younger brother. Your navy blue phone rings "It's Harry" Isaac looks at your screen. "Thanks, Isaac" you pick up your phone from the table "I'll be right back" Isaac hums.

"What do you want?" Harry groans from the other side of the phone "I just want to know are you stopping by Lunas on the way home". Ugh, Luna smith Harry's little crush "Harry just ask her out!" Harry starts ranting, and for the truth, if he wasn't your brother you would have hung up "Are you done?". Silences that's all you need "Okay, she'll be at your party so just ask her out and stop annoying me!".

End of the call "What a fucking nutta" you took advantage of the little phone call and checked out social media with a grin. "Did you know Y/N gay" you froze once you hear two first-years whisper to each other "I know..." you don't even allow him to finish his sentence for the fear of a certain slur coming out of his mouth. You spin around to face the back of these two first years "WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT!" the two boys freeze "ANSWER ME!" and of course, they run away.

You felt panic riddle your spine 'it was just a stupid game of spin the bottle' you thought. You practically thrust your bag over your shoulder "Y/N's are you Okay?" you nod and breathed out a yeah and made your leave. "Wait, what about your library duties?" Isaac calls out instead of chasing you "I've to leave".

The sound clicking of you typing for your mother to pick you up while the voice of Harry your older brother kept on playing repeat. "Hey!, Springs is a fag " you felt scared for these were rumors and you didn't know how long they'd been around. Harry's one of the biggest bullies and his your big brother which makes it worst even though you're both a few months apart doesn't mean anything for his still the oldest. Whilst speed walking down the hall you round the corner a little too fast and collided with a fellow student.

"Ah shit, I'm so sorry I was just in a rush and-" Charlie tunes out your rumbling and watches you collect the fallen items. He stares at your lips and how they moved as you ramble on and on "Here!" you present his things to him "Oh, uh...thanks". "Again I'm sorry for uh.." you gesture to the corner and him along with his things "This?...yeah this" you help the curly-haired boy up.

You give him a pat on the shoulder and dash off in a hurry "Bye" Charlie replies to no one.

Wireless headphones in you blast music as you sat in the back as your mother tries to get your attention "Honey!" she lightly taps your knee when she stops at a red light. You remove your headphones the moment you saw her worried eyes "What's wrong? are you going to talk to me or are you gonna leave me in the dark?".

You hum in sync with your shrug "What's bothering you honey and BE honest with me". You hate how she sees through you but then yet again you are just like her in a way "Rumors" she hums and returns to paying attention to the road ahead of her. "I figured, your sitting in the back ignoring your dear old mummy" you groan and flick your eyes to the passing blurs outside your window.

"What kind of rumors?" you place your forehead on the window and sighed so loud it was obnoxious "Did I overreact by texting you?". Your mother shook her head "Don't change the subject and I don't know" you honestly wish Harry wouldn't say anything but your phone says otherwise. "Rumors spreading of me being gay" your mother falls silent and you didn't want this silence and you don't want your phone to make so much noise.

"Well is it a bad thing?" now it's your turn to fall silent "These rumors just states what you fear to be true" if your could you would jump out of the car but you can't. "What are you talking about?" your mother laughs "Now, do you really believe I wouldn't notice something different". "I...I don't know what your talking about" your mothers swats her free hand and giggles like some high school girl which makes you pout "MUM!".

You lift yourself from your leaning position and stare at her "Me and your father notice how different you act with certain boys and girls". You made a noise "And no you are not gay for I know you still like girls and no I know you aren't bisexual, while your father thinks otherwise but you know" you didn't want to talk about these things. "Allow them to talk but no matter what you'll always be my sweet boy and your father is fine with it as well, as long you don't bring back a loud blonde home okay?" you stare at the cell of the car.

Your vision becomes blurry "Hun? are you-" her reflection of her eyes in the review mirror sees you and she heard a small sniffle. "Oh, Honey please don't cry or I'm gonna cry" you tempted to wipe your tears away but nothing happened "I'm sorry Ma" oh great voice cracked.

The night of the party you didn't want to attend Harry's sixteenth birthday at all but your father convinced you and now here you sat with a red plastic cup that you see in movies. Texting your library buddy and friend Isaac Henderson "I've never been bored in my entire life before until now" you whisper your text message before clicking send. The three bubbles appear, signaling his replying "Can't he type faster...please?" you mutter, but the loud music breaks it up into a faint wordless sigh.

The spot next to you sink underneath someone's weight "uh...Hey" an unfamiliar voice says so you swive your attention to the curly-haired boy. The guy you ram into "Hey, corner ramp and I'm truly sorry for bumping into you really" he waves a hand at you "Oh, no need to worry I'm fine". Silence fell over you two and if it wasn't for your phone dinging then you would have felt stupid.

"Your friends with Isaac?" you look at this year ten in the eyes and nod "Well...uh we're more than library buddies" you made him chuckle. "He talks about you and half of the things he says...I don't know if it is true" oh because of Harry "Because of Harry, nope I'm better than him. I promise, here we'll picky swear just to seal the deal".

Timidly he reaches out and sticks out his picky and you do the same "I picky swear I'm nothing like my knob of a brother and you...are Charlie?." Charlie nods. "Charlie now knows half of the stuff Isaac had said is indeed true" you give his picky a little squeeze with the help of your own picky which seals the deal.

Nelson appeared and sat beside Charlie "Charlie and wow why are you talking to him?" Charlie immediately shakes his head. "Oh, no I'm fine, and he is my friend?" Charlie looks at you which made you nod repeatedly.

That night you have grown close to the two which lead to you absently mindedly forgetting what your brother was to you.

"So it's true" you frown at Harry's words while staring at the bowl of cereal "What?". Harry rolls his eyes as if your SUPPOSE to know "You and little Charlie" you grow even more confused and somewhat angry "Charlies my friend". "Well, you better tell him that, it's obvious the rumors aren't true" Harry gestures to you.

"What do you know about friendship" Harry shoots you a look like it was a warning "I'm just saying, mate it's obvious Charlie has feelings for you". 'Why would he assume that? and why is he telling me to dump my only valid and accurate friend?' you thought "You can't say much". "Some of your mates are jerks and their only friends with you because of your money" Harry scoffs "And Charlie's friends with you because he thinks you're a fag like h-".

You didn't allow him to finish his sentence instead you project your breakfast in his face. The whole event replayed in your head: milk and cornflakes drenched your older brother who replied with a left hook. You've never fought your brother before and your parents knew but the yelling of both parties lead to them pealing you off of Harry.

You sat in the library with your headphones full blast and a book overshadowing your face. Two shadows overcast you with concern and with a little tap of Nick's shoe you would have thought it was an illusion at play.

They sat on either side of you on the floor of the library, here you are stuck in the middle, Charlie removes your headphones. "Everyone can hear your music, not gonna lair that's a bit embarrassing" Charlie tries to make you smile or at least chuckle but nothing. Charlie looks at Nick for help so the freckle-infest boy slowly and gently removes the book from the silent boy's face.

Charlie gasps and Nick blinks "I...what happened?" Nick was the first to talk as Charlie scoots a little closer. Nick follows "I'm sorry I didn't mean to lie" both of the boys frowns "what do you mean?".

"About us" Nick makes an 'oh' noise as Charlie finally reaches for your hand "Harry just...I'm sorry".

"Okay, you both have to stop with the s-word," Nick says which made you chuckle, "you think so Nicky". "Your older brother is a knob nothing else, let us be honest he has nothing on you" Nick quips Charlie nods in agreement.

Once again the same scene played out, teachers ushering students away and flashes of phones. Swarm of students waltzing around or being ushered away "I like this piece" Isaac says as you grin. "Of course, three souls made into one" Henderson smiles "You deserve this win, C'mon I'm hungry" you made an 'oh yeah' noise before following after him.

Three skeleton males can be seen holding each other in an embrace of colors and the backdrop of a cotton candy color.

"Three souls made into one"

[otakween]

Digimon Tamers - Episode 15

Okay, so it seems we have a new formula to follow. The kids will have to fight 12 "Devas" (which is apparently a God-like being in Hinduism and Buddhism, but seem like apostles here) who are all devoted to one "God" and are anti-human. I'm getting kind of annoyed at this point because it seems the implication is that they're going to drag the mystery of who this "God" is out for many, many more episodes. Does Tamers even have arcs or is it kinda just one, continuous thing? I guess you could say the first arc was the kids learning to fight as a team and now we're in the 2nd arc, but I feel like I won't be clear on the divisions until I get deeper in...

Also, is HYPNOS still in the picture at this point? Or are the considered "defeated" since their big plan was a bust...? (Rhetorical questions lol, no need to answer).

Notes:

The enemy digimon in this one was pretty creepy conceptually: a giant snake the size of a subway tunnel that attacks trains. As a frequent subway rider, I could see that making a good horror movie (I guess it was kinda already done in one of the Men in Black films).

I thought Takato being the annoyingly over-eager friend in the group was pretty funny. I'm glad that the 3 kids are cooperating now, but I'm not sure they really have great friendship chemistry yet lol. It's more Jian and Ruki are tolerating Takato. I feel like their personality types are somewhat reflected in their digimon partners too, with Guilmon ready to be friends with everyone whether they reciprocate or not.

Takato's classmates seeing Guilmon as an exciting new toy felt a little weird, but I felt reassured when they took Takato's demands that they don't follow him into battle seriously. (Or maybe that's just Japanese kids being good at following orders lol. I kinda expected to be like "hey no fair! Why can't we watch!?")

It was good seeing Ruki and Jian doing non digimon related things on their days off. Ruki goes to a Noh play with her grandma and Jian intends on going to his martial arts class (before he's interrupted by a battle). These little insights are important so we're not left thinking "don't these kids have lives?" Notably, the Adventure kids were stuck in the digital world (and essentially frozen in time), so that show didn't really have that problem to solve.

Everyone looked pretty off model this episode, but honestly once you get several off model episodes in a row you start to forget what they're supposed to look like lol

Long flashbacks and repeated "card slash" sequences padded out a lot of this episode. It was especially bad when we got two "card slash" sequences for Takato back-to-back.

Impmon and Terriermon have consistently been making me laugh with their blunt reactions to things. Impmon calling out Renamon's condescension towards him was especially funny.

Ruki looked super cool riding Kyubimon through the subway tunnels. I couldn't help but think about the scene needing a "don't do this at home, kids!" warning though, according to the "don't show repeatable actions" standards (the walking on train tracks part, not riding a giant monster lol).

So...Impmon shows possible signs of softening to the kids and their digimon? I thought he was going to get more evil, but perhaps he'll actually go from ineffectual bully to good guy.

Really nice seeing the champion-level digimon side-by-side at the end there. Good to know the size comparison and just to see them as a team.

I guess Ruki and Jian are just okay with suddenly showing off their digimon to a bunch of kids from Takato's class? Seems a little out of character to me, but maybe there was some off-screen conversation that went down...

[eloisegrant]

Chance upon Chance (VI)

Pairings: Jake Lockley x F!Reader

Summary: Being an Avatar of an outcast God comes with it’s perks. But is it worth trapping yourself and endangering the person you care about?

Warnings: Violence. Angst. Not proofread

A/N: reader is badass af in this. That’s all.

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╯

You were nowhere. Nowhere to be found for the last 2 freaking weeks. All Jake knew that one faithful night was, you said yes.

You were willing to understand his case, his situation, his alters— him. So when you snuggled onto him, he felt so relieved to have you. Finally have you and hold you.

Unfortunately, it felt like a dream. Because two weeks after, and here he was. Stuck in their flat, stuck inside their thoughts, hearing Marc and Steven bicker about what Layla meant by ‘dinner date’.

“Layla would want steak.” Marc answers through the mirror as Steven hectically scrolls through the restaurants near the vicinity. “There’s probably some salad meals there.”

“Right, but steak again?” Steven, who was fronting, bickers to him. The two couldn’t help but notice Jake’s quiet demeanor behind Marc in the mirror. They’ve been comforting the man, telling him you probably had an emergency. Though it wasn’t likely, it comforted him for about two days. But two weeks was a bit unfortunate.

“Hey, Jake.” Marc prompts Jake to look up from his stoic stance.

“We’re pretty sure she’s-“ Steven gets cut off.

“NO. ALRIGHT? ITS BEEN TWO WEEKS! SHE CLEARLY GOT SCARED AND LEFT!”

I mean what else were the boys supposed to tell their mindmate? No, man she’s just… traveling…

Of course not, Jake wasn’t gullible. He knew something was off about your willingness to comply to the set rules of this relationship. What kind of idiot was he to believe anyone could ever stay with him? Especially with his alters who have romantic feelings for another… What kind of buffoon did he expect you to be? Of course you wouldn’t stay. He’d be holding you back.

Oh but dear Jake didn’t know the truth behind your disappearance. You were devoted to a new cause. It wasn’t like Jake was the only thing you left. You left your job, your clothes, your new apartment and pretty much your life.

Apophis has created this vision in your mind, one you convincingly believe you play a role in. Taking down all the cults of those who wronged him. Killing the leaders, getting a reaction from the avatars. Killing the followers who fail to listen to your stories. Stories about how the Egyptian deities casted your God out. Wrongly removing his right to a kingdom that has fallen into the hands of wannabes. Making sure to annoy the Gods enough that maybe they will take notice. Take action.

So when you finally attacked one of the last Cults of Ra, it wasn’t going to fly by anymore.

Ra isn’t happy, my warrior.

“I don’t give a fuck about what the God feels.” Your armor forms around you once again as you watch the sun slowly set, ensuring that the power of the sun God lessens, each minute the darkness clouds over.

Unfortunately, he’s brought a champion. His own avatar.

Your god’s voice makes you direct you gaze to the man standing with purpose in front of the house you were about to strike. He stood there alone. As if he was waiting for you. His golden armor cascading from his shoulders down to his feet. A golden staff wrapped tightly with his hands.

“Champion? Wait till he deals with me.” You pulled the mask over your mouth, eyes glowing a green hue. You adjust your white scaly dress tightly around your waist as you make your way to the entrance. Your staff hidden by your back.

Be mindful.

“I know what to do.”

Your feet neared you the entrance, your mere presence alerted the man. As his eyes meet your masked face, he steadily pulls his feet up to you. “Troublemaker.” His staff points at you, anger spewing from his words. “Outcast.”

“Traitors.” Your golden serpent crown shines brightly, affecting him with one of your powers. Mind control. The mere thought of stopping him causes his body to freeze. He attempts to throw his staff, but to no avail. “Tsk, tsk, tsk…” You lift one hand up curling it towards you which makes the poor man move right in front of you in a blink of an eye. Telekinesis.

“Un…hannd…. Me!” His lips struggle to release the words. A small giggle pops out under your breath as you close your fists in his direction. Strangling his neck. As he struggles to breathe, you let your purpose be known.

“Tell your God, he needs to hand over the crown.” Your face nears to his choking purple cheeks, “Or his meat puppet will be lifeless when returned.” With that, you drop him down onto the road. He doesn’t give up, instead grabbing his staff, attempting to strike you by the left.

“Never!” As he attempts to land the blow, you stop it with your hands. Barely fidgeting upon impact.

You smirk softly, “I’m not one to ask again, but I truly will…” the golden staff’s sharp end slowly began to bend towards him, as if it was melting underneath your touch. Making the metal malleable. “Tell. Your. God.” With each word, the staff’s edge nears to the avatar’s face.

Out of fear, he nods and asks of you one thing, “Do not slaughter the remaining. Please.” He shakily begs of you.

You look behind him and spot the crowd through the small crack on the door. “As long as they swear to the true king, Apophis…”

~

As Jake was deep in thought about you, and as the two were booking a reservation to the local steak house. A loud boom erupts from the door.

Khonshu.

“Never thought I’d see you again, pigeon. Liar.” Steven angrily stomps towards the tall figure.

No nonsense, today. Where is Jake?

“Listen you, we have a date and today is not the day-“

The cult of Ra has been under constant siege. The God of Chaos lives.

“The God of… Chaos? Apophis?” Steven’s voice lowers as Khonshu nods carefully. This causes the body to switch, Steven willingly allowing Jake to front for this mission. The threat of something as big as the God of Chaos’ return was no minuscule situation. They had to act swift.

“Where?” Jake removes any thought of you away, this was severe, a no nonsense issue. He had to get the trash and take it out. Part of him worries about you, what if Apophis was the snake you guys encountered in one of the camps and he took you away. Caged you and tortured you. But, he simply shrugs it off.

This attack was not near. We must be swift.

Khonshu lowers his head down, allowing Jake to transform into his armor. The white wrapping cascading along his physique as the dim glow of his eyes goy brighter. It was now or never.

~

The followers of Ra were segregated. The switchers who heard your message loud and clear. Choosing to obey your God, Apophis. And the naive ones. Choosing to stay on the side of wrong. The sun was now completely gone, night fell upon the small town you have now seized control over.

Let them choose again. If they deny me another time, show them their end.

You nod at his words and shout towards the naive group. “Will you not reconsider?!”

A collective rebuttal was met to your comment, shouting, throwing items and just simple disagreement. “WE WILL NEVER BOW TO A FALSE KING, LET ALONE A FALSE GOD!” A man at the front of the crowd was testing your patience. Your blood boiled at his words and his smug little face.

End him.

That was all that you needed. With a quick tilt of your head and with the mere power of your mind, his neck snaps. Leaving the rest of the crowd in fear as his lifeless body falls onto the pavement.

But before you could give the rest of them a similar fate, you felt a sharp pang to the right side of your back. Grabbing it slowly, you recognize the weapon. A crescent knife.

Turning around cautiously you were met with him. Jake, of all places, here to foil your mission. You couldn’t expose yourself, you let the mask cover your head and your mouth, a la assassin’s style.

STOP HIM. Apophis angrily shouts from your side.

Too late, Jake takes consistent swings and punches towards your direction as the rest of the village screams and runs away. You try your hardest not to fight back, out of fear that you would hurt him. His hand punches were harsh but your healing factor could take the hit. Your white and green dress providing a hard barrier against his knives.

Dear warrior, DONT LET YOUR EMOTIONS CONTROL YOU.

As an attempt to please your God and to protect your mission, you use your telekinesis to stop Jake’s punches, freezing him in the moment. You could see his struggle as he tries to break free of your control.

“LET ME GO!” His voice pangs through the suit. Definitely not the most ideal way to see him again. After you left, you didn’t feel anything bad about it. You were actually filled with glee, happy that Layla and Jake’s alters were onboard. So, literally the opposite of what Jake was feeling.

The moment you read his mind, you felt his immense anger and at the same time sadness. As you delved deep into his thoughts, you were able to see how he reacted when he woke up to an empty couch. Visually seeing the situation unfold…

*

“Huh?” Jake scratches his neck, bringing back his extended arms from his sides. His eyes looked around your disgruntled apartment to be met with no one. The way you left him was sort of understanding since he saw your note.

*

But work turned into hours, hours turned to days, and days turned to weeks of no contact. You felt his pain. And you wanted to take off your armor and run back into his arms. Tell him all about this mission, it has nothing to do with him but everything to do with you.

EMOTIONS ARE NOT IMPORTANT LITTLE ONE. Apophis booms to your left, stopping your mind reading which also momentarily stops your control over Jake’s moves. As he stomps closer to you, he pulls out two of the crescent shaped knives and strikes down the soft mask covering the bottom half of your face.

You quickly spin around, trying to conjure back up a mask but before you could Jake’s husk hands grab you by the shoulder, twisting you around. The pull back from his other hand which was ready to point blank you in the face stops when he’s met with your eyes. Those tantalizing fucking eyes.

There was no way out of this.

You can run. You ignore your God’s pleas.

You gently pull down your hood, showing yourself fully. Hair dangerously and messily cascading over your shoulders while your golden crown of serpents plopped nicely on your head.

“… No…” His mask draws back exposing his face, widest eyes ever seen with his mouth agape at the sight of you. “Angelita, why?” There was a mix of emotions. Seeing you again was like he stopped breathing, a warm feeling forming within him. You were okay. At least, okay in the physical sense. But at that point, you were dressed head to toe as the outcasted God’s avatar. It wasn’t a good sight.

With your deepest sigh and frustration, you use your telekinesis one last time on him. Pushing him slightly backwards, enough to make him fall onto his back. “I’m sorry, Jake, I was trying to hide. To keep you safe.”

“Keep me safe? Baby you’re doing a bad deed for a bad God.” He tries to pull you back to him with his words. To stop with this madness. But unfortunately, Apophis has you tied.

Say one too many words, I will have all of them in his complicated mind, gone.

Shakily hearing his words, using the only thing you care about as leverage; you prompted your escape. “I… I have to go.” Your pull your cloak properly over your head as the mask crawls back onto your face. With that, you hurriedly exit the scene, followed by the other followers to managed to convince. Leaving your lover alone on the floor as he stared down the village seeing serpents slithering down almost every corner.

She’s controlled. Khonshu whispers beside Jake as he regains his autonomy. Standing back up as he looks up at the God. Apophis is not one to be meddled with.

“I think I got that.” He walks further into the village awaiting your next move to alert the other avatars and their Gods. “I’m going to get her back.”

______________________

Reader is badass.

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https://eloisegrant.tumblr.com/post/687593485620199424/you-gave-me-this-chance-vii

[moonlightperseus]

I'm going to do my best to answer that SeaWorld question without infodumping lmao, but essentially I was talking to a friend and I said "I have always believed if I went to SeaWorld I'd get banned" and she said "now I need to know you have to go" but I was like have you considered I refuse to give them money? So she told me to break in and I said mmm but the last guy who broke in was found dead, naked and missing body parts? So really I had to do some research to find out if I would end up like Jessie in Free Willy or Craig (the name she bestowed to the dead naked guy- his real name was never disclosed). 

It's honestly pretty impressive that I was such a girly girl, given that I had three older brothers and a tomboy sister. My brother's loved superheroes, and the animated shows (at least the original Teen Titans) and I just refused.

I loved the Avengers (2012) i like made it my whole personality. I WAS younger but like embarrassingly so, and that lead me to seeing most of the Marvel movies in a certain time span. Like I haven't properly seen any of the pre-movies like iron man or the first captain america (but God did I try for Peggy) but I watched the second captain america, the thors, I think pretty Faithfully up to Endgame and now the only marvel movie I even a little bit want to see is The Marvel's. (I DID really enjoy Captain Marvel though I will say that) 

Marvel comics I read ? Black Widow, I HAVE read some captain Marvel, spider woman, and a big like Avengers AU that my teacher lent me. I don't remember what it was called but it was pretty good, part of the plot is that like, Thor claims he's a god but Loki claims he's clinically insane so they all trust Loki (and you trust Loki) until y'know he's actually the bad guy and Thor was Thor all along. It's some darker stuff but it was good.

I will just go into Dollarama and flick open justice league comics to see if they have my favorite blonde in them and if they do I'll buy it. That's like my only rule. My collection is a mess (two Batgirl beyond Burnside, and two injustice: gods among us year 4 volume 2, but one in hard cover and one in soft cover (this was accidental and NOT a sign of my absolute devotion)) I barely even have full runs for most of the comics I read, like Batwoman Rebirth (and absolute favorite of mine) I have volumes one and four. But admittedly I use Issue and Volume pretty interchangeably (though I know the difference) and have very few random issues, however, secret me lore is my older sister briefly owned a comic book store and I think I should've taken more advantage of the cheap random comic collection they had for sale. 

And that is annoying!! Especially with Bat-stories. I LOVE a good throwback (like in the gail Simone birds run when Dinah got kidnapped so it has a bunch of references to the longbow hunters comic and even Babs knowing she couldn't go through that again) but it's annoying with the bats because they're so prominent and big so it's just like "remember in issue 1045 of detective comics?" But not only is that over a thousand issues of something half of them are also impossible to find because it's so numerous that at least pirating sites really only include the most recent couple hundred and that doesn't help if you're reading older comics. 

plus there's SO much Kate Content I can't get because of the way detective comics are. 

​​​​​​I do absolutely love the BOP movie too!! It's honestly kind of annoying because I got it for Christmas- but on exclusively Blu-ray. I have a dvd player, a portable dvd player, AND a laptop with a disc drive and NONE OF THEM can play it. 

I don't have a lot of issues when people don't like something I like. I have very few opinions so I am pretty consistently just chilling to some extent. But I get what you mean, granted I think fitting or not a tractor would've been very funny and they should remake the movie just to do that. 

I don't have like real attachments, I watched one Superman movie when I was little and didn't even like superheroes yet, I've never liked the batman movies. It just really is the consistency? Like look, I don't like Marvel movies anymore, and they've got a lot of problems ethically, but one thing you can say is that they built a universe. DC just starts building one and then throws it to the ground like a toddler mid tantrum. It's SO frustrating even knowing that I probably wouldn't watch most movies anyway. 

I watched both wonderomans, I really liked the first one but haven't really been able to get through it a second time and I don't think I liked the second one that much. Everything else? Was kind of mid I think? That I watched. Like Shazam and Aquaman were all fine but nothing to write home about. Bop I also was a huge fan of. And while I wasn't excited for the Batgirl movie I probably would've watched it (which like genuinely does say something- I barely watch movies) 

I'm not the biggest fan of the Arrowverse shows, I know you are but. I LIKED Supergirl but I never finished it (I'm also had at watching TV) bit if there's one I'd try again it's that one. I also got through most of the Flash and it was enjoyable but I don't think I'd try again. I liked legends? But I didn't get very far because my streaming service short circuited and I don't think I could do it again. Then I watched the first season of Batwoman, I was PUMPED, but once ruby rose left, and Kate left, I was devastated. They were leading up to safiyah!! A KATE plot from the Comics!! I was so excited!! And then the character I was watching it for was gone so I just refused to ever watch it again.  And I have never been able to get through Arrow. I honestly can't get past Laurel or any of that. I hold the green arrow comics way too close to my heart for it to be wrong. But ofc that's just my opinion. 

I have one, and I live in like rural Canada so I feel like that's a good sign. (admittedly though it's an hour away from me and more like pokemon cards at this point. I am physically scared of the store and feel like a fraud when I'm there) it would he nice for you!! I hope you do. 

If I do I will keep that in mind thank you. It really is so exhausting and it's so funny because like? I like them?? Why is it hard?? But it is. Plus sometimes I feel bad because I'll talk to much. Like an example is the BoP run, the new one the ONE issue. I don't/ didn't really have any comic friends so I just like posted a screenshot of the cover on my close friends Instragram story and was like "I will NOT shut up about this" and then I read it and genuinely did not shut up and just kept posting stuff when originally I'd been joking and I just feel? So bad. Like logically I know none of them stopped to read it they were just flicking through but I'm still like guys im sorry you didn't want that I'm sorry I got excited 

I just bought like a very large Funko Bombshells Harley pin that sits by my comics!! Actually!! It was from the dollarstore or I wouldn't have, and honestly I'm not a big Funko fan so it was really just because I also love the bombshells design, but she's cute!! And I have a bombshells Ivy felt banner my sister bought me years ago. So I agree designs good.

And that's completely fair!! Sometimes I daydream about dressing up as like black canary for a con. But I don't think I have the confidence. I think cosplaying sounds really fun just in general. (and honestly good on you for the blonde wig I just used my 'natural' hair which was: blue)

Oh!! I LIKE year Zero, I do think it's good!! (The only injustice things I haven't read are ground zero and versus masters of the universe) HOWEVER I would say since you don't even know if you'll like it you should just start with Injustice: gods among us year one. It's up to you, that's kind of why I put out the disclaimer that I do also like year Zero. But I would personally recommend skipping it for now (or possibly even entirely, my brother never read it). (I read it last but that's because I read it as it came out). 

to restate, I think the best idea would be just start with the main plot because I think that's your best chance at liking just based on the way I know it got me into comics. I don't know about year Zero. 

No pressure to like Injustice obviously but I hope you do!! 

​​​​​​​Have a good day <3 

​​​​​​​​

bestie you are literally always welcome to infodump to me !!

also re:the break in at sea world with the mysterious death, I seem to remember buzzfeed unsolved mentioning that case? though i cannot place episode wise or if i’m remembering correctly. but anyways i think you would have a much better chance of survival so long as you don’t climb into any tanks with orcas or any other similarly large aquatic animals known for being unpredictable.

also yeah i def also got into the avengers movie at least a big, though i never watched the others i think prob just didnt have access to the others? bc i watched avengers on netflix? i absolutely devoured agents of shield and then the agent carter show when that came out. tv shows are easier for me to digest tho.

i had to google what a dollarama is and i gotta say i dont think dollar stores in the US typically have comics but it also has been quite a while since ive been in a dollar store tbh. but i did find a few places near me to potentially check out if i ever feel brave enough (and ever have actual time to go check out bc my life is very very busy rn lmao) i need to do more things branching myself out and trying new things its just very scary and i have a very small comfort zone

also, personally, i think when comics do decide to have a storyline thats gonna have multiple parts across several different comic series at the same time they should at least do something where they like, collect all those individual parts and put them all in like one like, book/volume? so you can easily read the story without having to jump to different series

(boy howdy. did i ramble again lol)

also lkajsdf i have a very complicated relationship with being a "fan" of arrowverse. (its a love hate relatioship i have lol) bc like yeah. a lot of it is. not good. and definitely not super comic accurate but its like. arrow is a dumpster fire and horrible green arrow representation however its what led me to my passion for black canary im not gonna lie and like i think honestly what led me to read actual comics (bc while i loved the animated shows i dont think i picked up comics until after i had started in the arrowverse) and like with arrowverse as a whole i think there was a lot of potential to the idea but a lot of poor execution and bad writing. the first two seasons of the flash are still very dear to me i will say but i also never finished it or... actually i dont think i fully finished any arrowverse shows, except for black lightning (did i finish black lightning???) (i dont think naomi counts as arrowverse) legends i stuck with the longest but i stopped when maisie richardson-sellers left the show (i am gay. i am gay.) i watched the last two seasons of arrow but skipped a huge chunk in the middle that i dont ever intend to go back and watch, i picked back up in s7 bc katie cassidy was a series regular again and while not my laurel i did grow very attached to the e2 version of her who i refer to as siren. (i am gay. im gay) i think i mightve picked up and dropped supergirl a few times?? i think i ended up watching up to the final season though. i never got into batwoman really bc i wasnt a fan of the casting for kate personally. (i got very attached to a fancast of monica raymund as kate kane and honestly im still attached to it) but yeah anyways sorry for rambling about arrowverse lmao i dont know how to be normal. all the parts of arrowverse that i love are my version of arrowverse that is good and exists only in my head and maybe in a few actual scenes on television. (i dont know if any of this made sense and i apologize again for rambling, i totally respect people not liking the arrowverse and completely get why... its not good. its not great. but it certainly was a huge part of my life)

literally no pressure to read the bombshells comics but can i just say you DO have a comic friend now its ME and i will happily welcome any comic book rambling in my inbox that you wish to do, encourage it even!

but i really do get that "i genuinely enjoy this thing why is it hard" like god human brains sure have a lot of design flaws i gotta say. like for me i definitely have that issue with reading in general its like i ENJOY reading I LIKE reading however the thought of starting reading? of keeping up with reading? i used to love going through books when i was a kid and now its like. have i finished 1 book over the span of a whole month? audiobooks helped me a little bit getting back into reading and comics at least, for a majority, feel a little shorter (however the longer series do feel a little more daunting)

(here have a hastily made meme i whipped up in like <5 minutes)

i do have a small funko pop collection i will admit but its mostly women from dc and i have a few different bombshells ones (theyre in a box rn but uhh i know i have bombshells! hawkgirl and batwoman and i think i have a mini bombshells wonder woman?

also finally able to look into my comic collection and it turns out i dont have the first volume of bombshells but i have 2-6 lmao.

anyways i will skip the prequel for now of injustice but keep it in mind to go back and read if i enjoy injustice. i meant to start the first issue of injustice but ive been busy back at my parents helping them pack to move and then i had to drive home and today i had to work and just didnt have the brain space but goddammitt i will find the time to start it and soon. i probably shouldnt start it after finishing responding to this bc it is 1:30am now and i do have to be awake in like. 7 & 1/2 hours BUT i did notice that the second issue of the new bop run is out so i may end up reading that in bed before going to sleep. ooh maybe i should. draft this. go read it and then come back with some thoughts before i finally publish this response

(also, sorry again for the delay in response , like i said life has been busy 😭)

okay. 2:30 am now. BUT i read the new issue and ooooh it was good! continues to intrigue me. also i had genuinely never heard of the megalodons that guard themyscira before. that’s wild (and just like that. the conversation circles back to large marine animals) i won’t say any more bc i don’t wanna spoil it if you haven’t read it yet but if you have or if/when you do please feel free to come ramble to me about your thoughts!!

& i hope you have a good day!! 💕💕

[konigbabe]

Graves anon here: I keep thinking about the last bit of your fic, 'the one time he surprises you', and about Graves when the reader got shot. Well, actually, Graves during that whole sequence has me clutching at my heart, but when he pushes the strands of hair from reader's face as they're bleeding out from a bullet that one of his own soldiers fired??? To save HIM from THEM? Like, the angst is beautiful. What was Graves thinking during that whole part? I think you mentioned him looking guilty when they were still in the car, and that his eyes looked lethargic after the reader got shot, but what was running through his head when he realized what had happened to the reader (and even better, why it happened in the first place)? Was there any resentment towards reader, the shadow who shot them, himself even??? Gahhhh I just love thinking about it.

Also, thank you for answering every single one of my asks. I know I've sent a lot in lol. All your answers are great, and I hope I'm not annoying you too much!

Hi!! Yes, I loved writing that part 😄

I intentionally didn't delve into his feelings to keep the quessing game strong but if I had to think about it 🤔 I'd say he was confused?? You know he knew this person, and he was (as stated before) starting to develop some sort of romantic feelings towards the reader/MC and now, he's ordered to restrain them...and later on, they're aiming a gun at him and I'd like to imagine that the look on their face shows determination, devotion to protecting their friends (aka Ghost, Soap and the rest of 141) but also Graves and them had a chemistry that undeniably could be going somewhere.

So yeah, I would agree that some sort of guilt or remorse was flooding Graves' veins when looking the at reader/MC with their gun aimed at him and later on getting shot. But I also added the last part.

He was trying to distance himself, that's also why he called reader "officer" (“I’ll need you to extend your arms, officer,” he commands formally.) instead of some petname. Later on, the 'distancing hinself' part becomes more daring with "face solemn, eyes dull and lethargic." and him saying: "Now that was a big fuckin’ mistake, sweetheart.". I tried to write it as him hiding behind a mask sort of thing (also in front of his shadows).

And to your "Was there any resentment towards reader, the shadow who shot them, himself even???" I think there was some kind of bitterness or condemnation towards himself mostly (he can't really blame his employee/shadow for protecting their boss, it's part of their job so...) - over his own actions.

I feel like there's more to Graves than the game let's out (mostly because it's a shooter video game so they don't really have any need to delve into characters' mentality and what drives them) so what I imagined when writing this Graves was that he was coerced into Shepperd's actions (could be blackmailed...), especially against the reader/MC.

(and for those curious, we’re talking about this fic ♡)

[imaginedxlan]

loverboy (neville longbottom)

a/n: i’ve said it once and i’ll say it again, i am a SIMP for neville longbottom. also yall...  one away from 1k, how’d that happen? you guys rock my socks and i love you the absolutely most! sorry this one is kind of short i just liked the concept.

you’ve been friends with neville longbottom since first year. becoming comfortable with the shy boy and his frog over the years, you began calling him a nickname that makes him wish you would see him as anything other than your best friend.

warnings: zero baby just pure fluff

neville doesn’t open up to just anyone. after years of being shut down in every conversation, left out of nearly every house activity, he’s built a wall to protect himself from the people of hogwarts who constantly make him feel less than. you’re one of the lucky ones. you’ve seen beyond his high walls, he’s opened up to you about his parents, his insecurities and eventually pulled him out of his shell to talk about girls with you.

the nickname started when he told you about his small crush on luna lovegood. he seemed so entranced by her, he kissed the ground he walked on. once you caught on to his pining, you’ve called him loverboy ever since. it’s not to be mean or tease him, you actually admired how much he devoted his time to thinking about her.

what you didn’t know, however, is that it was never luna lovegood he was talking about. when he would describe his feelings for luna her name was only a placeholder for yours. he’d loved you since the moment he laid eyes on you, thinking even your crooked teeth, frizzy haired eleven year old self was the most beautiful creature he’d ever see.

“good morning loverboy,” you call sweetly as you sit next to the dark haired boy in potions class. you never found this class particularly interesting, but being able to sit next to neville made it at least slightly more fun. his heart aches at the nickname, trying to conceal the blush that is creeping on his cheeks. “sleep well?”

“hardly,” he replies, still keeping up his façade. “harry talks in his sleep all through the night. keeps me and trevor awake for hours.”

you smile at the mention of his beloved frog. “oh my dear trevor! how is my favorite amphibian?”

neville can’t contain his smile or his heart that hammering in his chest. you’re the only person who’s ever shown interest in the things he likes, the things he goes on and on about for hours. you’ve never once stopped him from going off on a tangent about his mimbulus mimbletonia or how he’s lost trevor for the tenth time that week. you’ve never rolled your eyes when he comes to sit with you in the library. you’ve never shied away from sitting next to him in herbology though many students find his chiming in rather annoying.

“he’s good,” he replies, trying to stop himself from gazing at you for too long. “i think he misses you.”

you laugh at his response, you really do love that frog. “you better make sure i’m not replaced as trevor’s favorite girl when you finally make a move on luna,” you tease but his heart drops. he knows it’s only a joke but he can’t imagine loving anyone other than you. “if i’m losing one of my loverboys i don’t think my heart could take losing the other as well.”

except you could never lose him. he can’t think of a time when his heart would belong to anyone else. he couldn’t say the same for you. as much as he wants to be around you and knows the nickname isn’t meant to make him sad, it only reminds him of the fact that he’ll never truly be your loverboy. the time will come when you go for a weasley or maybe even that ravenclaw boy you’ve talked about in defends against the dark arts with you and neville isn’t quite sure his heart will survive it.

as professor snape opened his book at the front of the class, the class quieted down. veritaserum. you had heard about the potion, mostly from the weasley twins slipping it in their younger brother’s drink once or twice, but you’d never used it. neville begins to fidget nervously beside you, and you think you know why. privacy has always been very important to the boy and something forcing him to talk about his deepest darkest fears or worse, his parents, is probably eating away at him.

you’re wrong. he’s so nervous because he’s afraid he’ll slip up if he takes it and someone will accidentally ask him about you. he won’t be able to keep his secret anymore.

“s’alright nev,” you whisper to him, taking his hand in yours and squeezing it slightly. an act of intended comfort made him nauseous. “i won’t let anyone pull any secrets from my loverboy, promise.”

you give him a sweet smile which only makes his heart race more. you’re so beautiful, even without the potion he could’ve let that thought slip to you if he wasn’t too careful. as class goes on, he thanks his lucky stars he isn’t chosen for the demonstration. watching you brew the potion to perfection surely would have made it difficult for him to keep back all the feelings he has for you.

later in the evening, however, he did not get so lucky. the twins somehow convinced seamus and dean to slip a few drops of the potion they’d learned to make that morning into neville’s pumpkin juice at dinner. you didn’t notice or surely you would have taken it from them and scolded them for picking on the boy, but you were to engrossed in a conversation with hermione to catch it. neville almost immediately realizes what’s happened when seamus begins asking him questions.

“how your feeling, longbottom?”

“tired, honestly kind of sweaty, really think i need a shower after dinner,” he says before he can stop himself, he smacks his hand to him mouth and his cheeks go red. dean and seamus burst out laughing making all of you turn to the three of them.

“sweaty? why would you possibly be sweaty neville?” dean continues the interrogation.

“been nervous all day, especially in potions. couldn’t get my mind off the stupid veritaserum and if anyone would ask me about y/n,” neville replies with his cheeks turning more red by the minute. you now had your full attention in the boy and he couldn’t stop the word vomit spilling from his lips. “you should have seen her, she brewed the potion perfectly. she’s so smart. godric and beautiful, i-”

you immediately stop him by smacking your own hand to his mouth. “merlin’s sake what did the two of you do?”

dean and seamus have a cheeky grin spread across their lips. “fred and george gave us veritaserum to put in his juice, didn’t think this would happen.”

without a second thought you pull your best friend from the table and out of the great hall to spare him of any more embarrassment he would have to endure. neville follows you blindly, grateful that you didn’t sit there and start laughing at him. when you get to the common room it’s empty, everyone being at dinner. you pull him to sit on the couch in front of the fireplace, he couldn’t help but admire how beautiful you look in the glowing flame.

“are you okay?” you ask, pulling your hand from his to look into his eyes. “i’m sorry they did that nev, you didn’t deserve that.”

“i’m more than okay,” he replies with a lazy grin on his face before switching back to his stone cold face full of nerves. “i like it when we’re by ourselves, wish it happened more often.”

“what do you mean, loverboy?”

“i wish you wouldn’t call me that,” he snaps but immediately regrets his tone. “not if you don’t mean it.”

“what are you on about? i mean it.”

“not in the way i want you to mean it...”

you’re trying to wrap you’re mind around what’s happening. sure you and neville have always been close and you compliment eachother here and there but this is different. you don’t want to take advantage of him, not when he’ll tell you everything you want to know while you can sit back and enjoy the show. you swiftly get up and tell him you’ll be right back. he sits on the couch confused as he watches you run out of the room. you make it to the great hall and everyone is looking at you as if you’ve gotten answers out of him that they’d want to know but you ignore him. you lift the tainted cup that neville had drank out of just minutes ago and take a swig.

“y/n!” hermione shrieks and you swallow the liquid. “what do you think you’re doing!”

“getting answers.” you say simply before running out of the room. you don’t feel any different, maybe it hadn’t worked. once you reach the common room again neville is exactly where you left him. “back.”

“what’d you do?”

“i drank the veritserum too,” you tell him and his eyes go wide. “this is going to be a fair conversation.”

neville swallows the lump in his throat at the thought of the two of you being completely honest with each other. he’s partly afraid the truth he’s about to hear is that you only want to be his friend, or that him confessing his feeling for you will only push you away. but there’s another part of him that’s hopeful, you took the veritaserum so this would be “fair,” that has to mean something.

“what were you doing to say when i stopped you earlier?” you ask him. “you said ‘i’ but i stopped you.”

he tries his best to push down the answer but it keeps making its way up his throat. “i was going to say i couldn’t keep my eyes off you all class.”

blush creeps onto your cheeks but you’re not certain why. you noticed him looking at you in potions but you assumed he was trying to understand how to make the potion.

“you’re turn.”

he thinks for a while, unsure of what he should ask you. “do you like matthew, the boy you talk about in ravenclaw, like like him?”

“i like him as a friend, nothing else,” you say back, your heart beginning to race. “do you like luna?”

“i never did, i like someone else.” he answers. you wish it was your turn again, you want to ask him who, part of you knows he’s going to say you given what you’ve learned this evening. you reach out to hold his hand and his touch makes your skin burn. “have you ever thought of us as more than friends?”

you want to say yes, you know it the answer he wants to hear, but it’s not the truth. you can’t lie to him even if you wanted to. before this moment, you only thought of him as a friend. not because you dislike him or think he’s unattractive, it’s just all he’s ever been to you. you take a deep breath and turn your eyes down to the floor.

“honestly, no,” you say back, neville swears he can hear his heart break within him rib cage. his heart burns at your response. he’s gotten his answer. “when did you start to think of me as more than a friend.”

he never came out and said he had feelings for you, but you’ve connected the dots. everything he’s answered, all the questions he’s asked points to him looking at you as more than just his friend. you’re not sure how to feel about it.

“first year, the minute you spoke to me i couldn’t help but think you were the most beautiful girl i’d ever seen, i still do, ” his words make your heart burst. you turn your head to meet his eyes again. they’re burning into you’re gaze. “what is it about me that’s made you only think of me as a friend, do you think i’m ugly?”

“godric no!” you say a bit too quickly for your own liking. “i never thought of you that way because that’s all we ever were neville, friends. i noticed how handsome you were last year, the long hair suited you, but i think you look nice any way you are. i had a dream about you at the christmas last year, i think that’s when i noticed how handsome you were. i guess i just never entertained the thought because you never gave me the impression you wanted anything more than this.”

he feels less shattered, less like you just ripped his heart out with your bare hands. hearing that you think he’s handsome sent butterflies to stomach. he’s quiet and so are you.

“do you want to stop?”

“no, i have another question,” he replies, pulling his hands from yours and backing away from you. you miss his touch already. maybe you did like him a little more than you thought. he braces himself for what’s about to come out of his mouth, for your reaction to what’s about to come out of his mouth. “if i asked to kiss you would you say no?”

“no.” you tell him quietly, if you thought your heart couldn’t pound any faster, it did. it feels like it’s about to jump from your chest. “do you want to kiss me?”

“merlin yes,” he almost whispers. he doesn’t move from his spot, eyes avoiding yours at all costs. always being the braver of the two of you, you take matters into your own hands. you pull yourself closer to him and rest your hand upon his cheek, forcing him to make eye contact with you again. you suck in a breath, the closest the two of you had ever been. “i’ve never kissed anyone before.”

“i know.”

you lean forward only a few centimeters until your lips are barely touching. you hesitate only because you know after this moment you can’t go back to being just friends again, this is going to change everything. even so, there’s like a magnetic pull between you too, you’re craving the feeling of his lips against yours.

while still deep in your thought and hesitations, your eyes drilled shut as you try and decide what to do, you feel his lips press against yours and you melt. it’s better than either of you could have imagined. while neville had be dreaming of this moment for six years, you had only just begun thinking about him in this way minutes ago. you place your free hand on the side of his neck and he places his on the small of your back, pulling you closer into him. You move yourself so that your sat on top of his thighs, attempting to expel any space between the two of you. his hands rest on your hips just before you pull away from him to catch your breath. his eyes flicker between yours, looking for an answer to what you’re feeling.

“i’m sorry,” he says sheepishly, thinking the worst. “do you want to stop? we can pretend this never happened.”

“i never want to stop.”

you connect your lips with his again, slinging your arms around his neck to feel the closeness again. you know he’s never done anything like this before, he’s probably nervous out of his mind, so you attempt to ease his worries by guiding his actions. in just the few minutes you’ve spent with your lips on his, you’ve because obsessed with the feeling. you can hear how heavily he’s breathing as his hand moves from your side to be entangled in your hair. you can’t help but smile, this moment is pure bliss.

you eventually pull away from each other, you decide it’s best to keep this night to just his first kiss. you lean forward and plant a soft kiss to the side of his neck before burying your face in the soft skin. eventually his breath evens out, and he moves his arms to wrap around you.

“what happens now?” he asks, hoping the veritaserum can give him some sort of clear view into your brain.

“i don’t know,” you reply, it’s honest, you have no idea what happens from here on out. “what do you want to happen?”

“i want to kiss you like that a million more times,” he breathes out which makes you laugh into his neck. looks like ther veritaserum hasn’t worn off just yet. “can we just sit here for a minute so we don’t have to think about what’s gonna come?”

“you read my mind, loverboy.”

[peaches-writes]

penalty kick

description: maybe you got off on the wrong foot...actually, jisung did actually pushed you off the wrong foot.  member: jisung / han  genre: fluff, slice of life, coming of age, childhood frenemies / rivals to lovers au, idiots to lovers au, neighbor au, high school au, college au, lil dashes of soccer baseball musician & campus dj au bc jisung ace, female reader, off-season universe (mc from naturally is jeoyeon, mc from tumbles & turns is bora, and mc from off-season is kira hek)  word count: 12k warnings: explicit language, alcohol (a tiny mention of underage drinking pls drink responsibly!), mentions of injuries, jisung issa lil dumb & a lil shit but issokay hes an adorable lil shit note: @crscendoforsung so i scraped the witch jisung au (but i’ll come back to it in the future maybe it’s still in my drafts lol) so here is dumbass jisung for now + im away on christmas day so here’s my gift a day in advanced lmao

Age four. Your neighbor and favorite playmate, Han Jisung, pushed you so hard on the swings at your neighbourhood playground that you literally flew out of your plastic curved seat and bruised your knees, elbows, and chin. 

Maybe you did had it coming from continuously complaining that he ‘pushed like a sissy’ and even standing up on the swing set just to brag that you can balance all of your body weight on such flimsy material. Maybe your neighbor has always had a secret grudge on you finally enacted through this incident. Either way, the next thing you knew, a wide-eyed Jisung was on your side alternating between calling for adult help, crying over your bruises, and muttering curses he probably heard from his older brother under his breath. 

“Shit, shit shit...” He squeaked out frantically in his tiny voice, gently moving you to a sitting position on the stone pavement and dusting the dirt off of your bleeding injuries despite your loud complaints that your entire body was hurting. Looking around your surroundings, his breath then got caught up in his throat at seeing your mother fast-approaching with a mix of furious and worried in her expression. “Auntie! Help!” 

Your mother was hovering over you in an instant, examining your bruises with furrowed brows and clenched teeth. “Ah, dear God, what happened here?!” She exclaimed in a scolding tone, piercing gaze darting between your tearful eyes and Jisung’s panicked ones. “Jisung, did you do this?” 

“It was an accident auntie!” The boy in question answered immediately as he shook his head nervously and scooted away with his hands up in defense. “It was an accident, I promise!” 

However, with your back turned to him then, you naturally had a different impression of the incident as you quickly retorted, “He pushed me, mommy! He pushed me off of the swing!” 

Your mother never made any clear indication that she believed you as she simply shook your head and lifted you by your shoulders and knees, carrying you to a nearby bench to treat your wounds. 

Angered by your outburst, Jisung reluctantly followed you and your mother to the bench then glared at you until your injuries were cleaned and bandaged. With his arms crossed and a permanent frown bordering a pout on his lips, he stood next to you in his attempt at looking visibly angry for a puny five-year-old while you hissed and whined in pain the entire time. 

What’s worse is that his own mother made him apologize by sending him off to the nearest convenience store to buy you apple juice and steamed buns. Because of this, you’ve been mortal enemies, rivals, each other’s designated future potential killer, whatever you want to call it ever since.

Age seven. Han Jisung helped perpetuate a wild rumour that you and the rest of the class’ female population had ‘cooties.’ 

It’s only natural for boys at this age to gravitate to similar actions, of course. After all, you’ve heard worse from boys in the other classes (read: Hwang Hyunjin crying and demanding to get sent home because a girl kissed him on the cheek on the first day of classes). It’s the fact that Jisung actually seemed to have to believed it for a brief period of time in your first grade, however, that completely threw you off. 

He pulled on your braids during the time he sat behind you and kicked your shins while in line for P.E. class to ‘test your anger patience’ that was apparently fueled by cooties and occasionally stole your snacks for actual ‘DNA evidence’ of said cooties among other petty little things. It was nothing short of annoying and the very bane of your existence then. 

“Han Jisung cut it out!” You yelled at him one day, hitting him on the shoulder with the curved end of your wooden broom during after-class cleaning time. In this particular incident, the boy managed to swiftly take one of your pigtails out while wiping the windows in an attempt to ‘examine’ the DNA in your hair. 

“What?!” He snickered, taking a big step away from you and lifting up the blue scrunchie to examine it for miniscule strands of loose hair. “It’s for research!” 

You groaned in annoyance, reaching forward to retrieve the scrunchie with one hand while the other instinctively ran through the messed up half of your hair. “Jisung, give it back, you weirdo!” You scolded through gritted teeth, rolling your eyes when he shakes his head stubbornly and takes another step back from your reach. 

“Tell me the secret first!” 

“Secret of what?!” 

“Do you girls actually have cooties?” He quirked a genuinely suspicious eyebrow at you, raising the scrunchie above your heads after when you proceed lunge forward at him. “Does it actually make you guys this irritable all the time?” 

Somehow, the questions struck some kind of nerve in you. You were tired from classes, cleaning, and having to put up with Jisung’s childish antics. Maybe 1st grade girls did have cooties but for tapping into unbridled anger. “I’m going to kill you!” With the broom in your hands and the dust pan you snatched from his in retaliation, you then proceeded on repeatedly hitting Jisung in the forearms and shoulders until he surrendered with his arms protectively over his head and your scrunchie finally within reach. 

He also offered to fix your pigtail back for you but given the amount of distrust you already had for him, you simply smacked him one last time and went to the other end of the room to fix your hair. 

Age nine. Maturing a little bit through summer camps and classes, you and Jisung redirected all of your energy from physical violence to outsmarting each other in class. 

It started in English class when Mrs. Lee introduced the idea of recitations garnering students points and a fancy award at the end of the school year. Coming from the same piano class in the summer prior wherein you and Jisung also competed for your instructor’s attention, the two of you were quick to consider this as another one of your competitions. 

You devoted most of your time to studying the lesson from the what’s, who’s, when’s, and where’s while Jisung thought that focusing more on the deeper why’s and how’s would somehow garner him better points no matter how many times Mrs. Lee reiterated that all recitation points are given in 1 point’s. 

As the school year progressed, especially after the first semester report cards came out and the two of you were tied to first place in English to the very third decimal, the academic rivalry immediately extended to competing for the most amount of extra-curricular activities. You were more favored with the way you handled baby animals at the local shelter and competed in debates and quiz bees while Jisung was mainly noticed by the soccer and baseball coaches and the school choir’s moderator for his skills in sports and music. 

Jisung’s mom, who always picked the two of you up from school in her minivan, obliviously thought it was cute. 

“You know, instead of competing over everything all the time, you guys can take some notes from each other.” She pointed out one time after hearing your comment on Jisung ‘smelling like a polluted Pacific Ocean’ as he climbed in the backseat of the car. The sentiment almost went in one ear and came out of the other with the two of you, however, as Jisung proceeded on complaining that you smelled like ‘Cruella de Vil’s fake fur coat’ then hitting you on the head with his soccer ball. “Especially you, Sungie. You can learn a thing or two of keeping a goldfish alive for more than a week from Y/N.” 

You laughed at Jisung’s immediate shocked reaction of wide eyes and gaping mouth at this, slapping his arm in amusement and toppling over the backseat in laughter. “Yeah, Sungie, you really need help from that department.” You stuck your tongue out at him teasingly, laughing even more when he groans and hits you back with a light punch to your own arm. 

“Stop it.” He hissed at you before turning to his mother again, meeting her gaze through the rear view mirror. “Mom! You’re supposed to be on my side!” 

Mrs. Han was also stifling her own laughs then, forcing herself to focus on the road ahead instead of checking for her son’s pouting expression and crossed arms through the mirror. “Okay, okay.” She chuckled playfully with a dismissive hand, catching your eye after with a giggle. “Y/N, you should learn how to commit to exercise more with Jisung, then. There? Happy?” 

Satisfied, Jisung stuck his tongue out childishly at you as if completely forgetting the fact that he was attacked by his own mother first. “Bleh!” 

You rolled your eyes at him with a light-hearted scoff of your own, laughing away the way he proceeded to exaggeratedly tease you. “You’re so childish, Sung.” 

When your moms did seriously consider this idea later on, you were then forced to dedicated one weekend to taking each other to your respective extra-curricular activities. It was right before your final examinations and Jisung ended up getting scared over a golden retriever giving birth while you received severe cramps from the elementary soccer team’s rigorous conditioning training. 

It was a recipe of disaster, basically, and it ultimately led you and Jisung to cram knowledge for your exams on Sunday night in his bedroom. When you stubbornly didn’t learn anything from going to each other’s favorite extra-curriculars, you unconsciously ended up learning from each other in the six hours you both stayed up trying to review your notes. Miraculously (as in the miracle of hot brewed Milo-induced sugar rushes), it went well and the two of you tied or were close in grades at the second release of report cards.  

The only downside of it all was just the fact that the fancy recitation award in your English class that started it all somehow went to Hyunjin. 

“Ah, this is so frustrating!” You exclaimed on the ride home from school. You had your report card in your hands like Jisung, looking back on it all the while stressing out about Hyunjin winning the award the two of you spent a whole school year competing for. 

On the other side of his mom’s backseats, Jisung then turned to you and suggested, “Want to prank him? We’re playing soccer next week, you can swap his Cola for soy sauce.” 

You glanced over at Jisung, your pout slowly turning into a mischievous grin at his raised brows. “You’re onto something...” 

Age ten. You went on your first class field trip with a stuffed purple lunch bag of snacks.

Your mother specifically suggested that you share it with Jisung, thinking that the two of you would sit next to each other on the bus since he’s your only classmate she’s actually familiar with. But of course, when Jisung didn’t bring up any hints that he knew of this while waiting for the school bus to arrive, you immediately thought against it and planned out how you were going to hide your seemingly endless supply of snacks from him on the back-and-forth rides to Namsan Tower.

It was a well thought-out plan involving sitting near to the front and as far away from him as possible with your own group of friends then hiding the lunch bag under your seat until you caught Hyunjin not-so-discreetly trying to steal from you while he re-checked attendance after a stop-over.

“Jisung put you up to this, didn’t he?” You frowned, candy successfully retrieved from Hyunjin’s prying hands and popped into your mouth as the lanky boy scratched the back of his head in shame. “It’s okay, Hyunjin, I won’t kill you. It’s Jisung’s corpse I’m planning to roll down Namsan if he’s actually behind this.”

After a few more coaxing, Hyunjin eventually nodded sheepishly and admitted to Jisung convincing him to take a candy bar from you.

“Ya! Hyunjin!” Jisung whined from across the bus, peeking his head up from the identical red seats with balled up fists. “I told you not to rat me out!”

“Y/N was being scary!” Hyunjin argues back, sprinting back to his seat as soon as the the bus stopped at a streetlight. Hiding under the sea of seats, he then exclaimed, “You two take me out of your fights! Geez!”

Jisung pouted at you as soon as you lifted your own head up from your seat and turned around to face him, holding his hands out in front of him and then asking, “Can’t I really have candy?”

You shook your head stubbornly. “If I give you one, everyone’s going to ask me for it too.”

“But everyone’s basically asleep!”

“They could be fake-sleeping for all I know!” You hissed, popping another ball of candy in your mouth. “I don’t trust anyone in this class with food but myself.” 

“Y/N!” He whined, only to get pulled down by force when the bus abruptly begins moving again. Scrambling up right after, he then continued pleading, “Please?”

“No.” You firmly concluded, sitting back down on your seat. 

Jisung even tried staying behind to try and steal candy off of you while the entire class was piling outside to enter Namsan Tower, only to trip in surprise when you jumped on him from crouching under the seats. Poor boy almost hit his head on the seats in shock.

“I knew you’d pull this kind of shit.” You tsked in disapproval with a slight stutter towards cursing at such an age, smacking him over the head anyway before throwing the smallest piece of chocolate candy you had from your bag. Moving past him to the bus exit, you then added, “You don’t even do nice things for me.”

You only meant it half-heartedly, though. Whether Jisung actually wanted more candy or he did sincerely felt bad over what you said, either way, he paid for the expensive pink lock you and your friend wanted to hang at the very top of the tower later on but only if you promised to share your snacks.

Jisung received three packets of gummy bears and a bottle of banana milk from you in the end on the ride home.

Age twelve. The Hans temporarily moved to Malaysia in the summer before the seventh grade because of an assignment for Jisung’s father at work.

On the day before their flight, Mr. and Mrs. Han organized a farewell party in their house at the other end of the block and invited your entire class. Jisung tricked you into getting him a farewell present by telling you that everyone was planning to do the same thing as a surprise but he secretly found out thing.

He didn’t actually expect you to get him something, not with the way the two of you have always been at each other’s necks since you were kids, but you ended up surprising him in the middle of the lunch party by giving him a small notebook of useful Malaysian phrases you wrote down yourself. You don’t always agree with Jisung but you think of yourself as thoughtful and civil enough to buy something practical. Also, your parents insisted. 

“O-Oh, you actually got me something?” He fumbled through an intense blush that matched the redness of his Supreme cap, almost tripping over nothing as you both stood on the steps leading down to the back of his house. It didn’t help that a few classmate passersby were glancing your way as well, either cooing or snickering at the awkward sight in the corner of all the socialization. “L-Like—like, this is actually for me?”

You raised a brow in confusion and reluctantly shrugged, releasing the red phrasebook from your grip as he held onto it by the other end. “Yeah, you said you’re getting presents so I...got you one.”

“I actually lied—“

“What?!” You exclaimed a little too loudly for your taste, earning you a sharp glare from your mother all the way across the backyard. Mouthing a quick apology to your her, you then quickly averted your glare back to Jisung who instinctively resorted to looking at anywhere but you. “But you said—“

“I thought for sure that no one would give me any farewell presents since it’s not a birthday or anything but I know you would if you’re like forced to or something so I thought...hehe...” He mustered up a sheepish grin, pressing his index fingers together in a comical shy gesture. When your glare intensifies, he then immediately held his hands up in defense and visibly winced, “Ya, don’t hit me!”

Every fiber in your being really wanted to hit him with the notebook then, maybe even push him down the stairs while no one was looking, but after a moment of thinking your way out of such violent thoughts, you resorted to exhaling a sigh and saying, “Whatever, just keep the notebook or something. I don’t care. It’s not expensive, anyway.”

You chanted to yourself that you’re mature, especially as Jisung’s eyes lit up and he immediately thanked you for both the gift and sparing his life that day.

Though he didn’t hear the end of the other teasing from Hyunjin after that, Jisung kept the notebook around anyway throughout his entire two-year stay in Malaysia. It was helpful but he’ll never admit that to your face.

“You kept it.” You pointed out one day, more as a statement than a question as you realized that the notebook he was using for exam reviewer notes was in the same color as the phrasebook you gave him. When Jisung came back in the summer before the ninth grade, the two of you met again in the same cram school wherein mostly everyone but you and the transfer student, Kim Seungmin, refused to help him keep up with the heavier than usual workload. “The phrasebook...”

“Yeah—well, I didn’t want to waste any of the pages you didn’t write on.” He pouted stubbornly as he flipped through the older pages to compare the amount of pages you used to the empty sheets. His tone actually sounded like he was convincing himself much more than he was trying with you but you missed it complete in the moment. “Be more eco-friendly, Y/N.”

You simply rolled your eyes at him. “Glad to know I kept you alive in another country somehow, then.”

Age fourteen. You went to a soccer game to see Jisung but only because one of your friends, Eunha, developed a crush on the striker and eventually hatched a plan to confess on the game before Valentine’s Day. Fortunately, Jisung barely noticed and didn’t tease you for it since it’s already an established fact that you’re always at his games with either Yang Jeongin or Seungmin to cheer on Hyunjin instead.

You really didn’t get it. Of course, fifteen was the time when some, if not all, parts of your day were starting to become dedicated to vanity and all the artificial things in life to attract kind of puppy love in school but at this point Jisung always wore the same green hoodie, red Supreme cap, and white ‘Eyez on You’ shirt to every school function that didn’t require wearing a uniform.

You understood how your classmates suddenly began fawning over Hyunjin right after the summer when he got his braces removed and then Seungmin for bringing a suit and tie one time for an inter-school debate but the hype over Jisung suddenly bringing in his guitar to class breaks everyday and re-emerging as a star soccer and baseball player throughout the school year is an absolute mystery to you. That or, maybe compared to your junior high peers, you’re just as used to him at this point than they all are. In your perspective, the only legitimate thing he has going on is how he always seems to beat you in most Arts subjects and how annoying it is that he always makes sure to rub that in your face. 

“I’m pretty sure he still doesn’t shower properly right after training.” You shook your head disapprovingly at Eunha during the game. Soccer is an interesting sport for surprisingly bringing you up to stand and cheer at some moments, you’ll give it that, but watching Jisung get cocky and interact to the crowd whenever his team scored a point was somehow cringe-worthy to watch. “And I’m so sure he still doesn’t clean that soccer ball of his right after practice. You deserve better, sis.”

But no matter how much you talked shit about him throughout the entire game, Eunha still held onto the box of handmade candies she coerced you into picking up from Jisung’s favorite candy shop on the weekend prior and cheering him on with the slogan she made herself. It would’ve looked cute and sweet to you if it was some other guy but it’s Jisung—the guy who pushed you off a swing, pulled your hair, stole candy from you, and made all of your elementary after-school rides home an actual rollercoaster—and you would never wish his treatment of you to any other person ever.

“You said that was in elementary, Y/N.” Eunha chuckled softly, nudging your elbow before a sour expression could completely overtake your face. “Surely he’s outgrown that girls have cooties phase every boy had then.”

“No, it’s Jisung and I refuse to believe it.”

You really didn’t want to believe it with your natural instinct to see Jisung as the bane of your existence. What’s worse is that Eunha was right and Jisung shyly accepted the Saturday movie date at the mall that she came up with on the spot when he surprisingly received the candies well, a complete stretch from the Jisung who would’ve lied about being busy or tricked your friend into doing something else altogether. Suddenly, it was selfishly annoying that you’re the only one he actually tortures the life out of.

“Told you.” Eunha giggled throughout the drive back to your house. Your mother picked you up from school right after the soccer game for a sleepover you insisted was a must whether or not your friend scored her Valentine’s Day date. “Ah, I’m glad he accepted. I was a nervous wreck there! You don’t happen to know what kind of movie he likes, do you?”

You never heard the end of it from her for the remainder of the semester. The two were never official—middle school just didn’t have that solid idea of significant others, then—but they did went on numerous ‘dates’ almost every weekend that followed Valentine’s Day. Naturally, Eunha would tell you all about it. 

“He’s so sweet and caring and thoughtful!” The girl endlessly gushed out to you so genuinely you would’ve been happy had you not been sincerely expecting a major fuck-up from Jisung. Nothing romantic really did come out of these dates, even Jisung surprisingly swears by it, but they did become really close friends after and as Jisung’s only other female friend at the time, you can clearly see a point of comparison between his different treatment of you. “Though, I’m gonna give it to you that he is annoying sometimes but he does know a lot of good places to hang out around town for someone who’s been away for two years!” 

“He does the bare minimum for everything, Eunha. I could barely call it sweet.” You scoffed unamused. 

Age sixteen. In the summer after the tenth grade, an upperclassman from school by the name of Lee Minho started volunteering at the same local shelter you’ve been under since elementary after surrendering a lost cat to you while he and Jisung were playing baseball at the nearby park. 

He adopted Dori in the end but prior to finalizing the adoption papers, he actually made the effort to come in at your MWF schedule to help around and see the dark grey kitten. To you, it was endearing and thoughtful since you didn’t have much active co-workers at the shelter your age but to Jisung, it was slightly inconveniencing how Minho would cut off their play-time to see the cat. He even thought Minho had a crush on you and vice versa but you knew that Minho liked one of his own closer friends. 

“Jeoyeon?” Minho scoffed, crouching down next to you one time as you watched over the new litterbox of kittens eating with Dori on your feet. Crossing his arms over his knees, he shook his head and chuckled, “They’re cool and we’ve been friends for a long time but I’m sure they have a big fat crush on Bang Chan. Something happened after their McDonald’s date after our prom, I’m telling you!” 

“No, not Jeoyeon! I meant Bora!” You argued back with a laugh, picking up a white kitten that wanders off to your feet and lifts its body up cutely for a lift. Gingerly pressing the kitten to your shoulder, you then turned to Minho and continued, “The one who came by the other day to see Dori with you. Aren’t you guys rooming together in college?” 

Minho clutched his chest dramatically at this, shaking his head with a comical conviction. “What?! How could you accuse me of that, Y/N? Bora’s from a different cheerdance team! That would be like sleeping with the enemy!” 

You rolled your eyes, knocking him off of his balance by elbowing his sides. “Ya, I didn’t say that, you did!” You scoffed at him, sighing when he laughs off landing on his butt before sitting up in a crisscross position. “Anyway, don’t you like her?” 

“If I don’t like her, we wouldn’t be making all these plans to move in together for college, stupid.” Minho snickered, earning him another elbow jab from you. “Well, what do you want me to say? You asked me if I like her, you didn’t ask me how exactly I like her.” 

"Okay then, you wise wise person: how do you like Bora?” You sighed dryly, plopping down on the ground at feeling your ankles starting to ache from crouching. The kitten on your arm then jumped down to your lap, circling your legs a few times before finding a comfortable position to sleep in. “You know, the more you visit here with this kind of sarcasm, the more I’m starting to understand where Seungmin and Jisung are suddenly getting all of their newfound sassiness from.” 

Minho chuckled next to you, picking up Dori for himself once he saw him finish eating before hugging the kitten gently to his cheek. “Bora’s...someone I’d probably punch a guy in the team for if they ever disrespect her. I mean, I’d punch a guy for Dahyun, Jeoyeon, and Jihyo, too, of course, but Bora’s in the same sport where she’s always getting lifted in the air and touched by who knows who and now that we won’t be in the same team, I feel even more responsible for keeping an eye out for her.” He shrugged casually, ignoring the way your jaw just dropped at how naturally he explained himself. “Plus, it took a lot of convincing to get her to be my roommate so I can’t really have her dying under my care in the next four years.” 

“I—” You furrowed your brows in thought, pursing your lips in a pout. “Wow, I’m jealous.” 

“Then get on my good side, Y/N.” Minho winked with a laugh, holding Dori in front of you. “Let me take this baby home at the end of the summer.” 

You rolled your eyes again at this, shaking your head. “No, I mean...I hang out with Jeongin, Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jisung and they aren’t really the most well-versed boys on treating girls properly.” 

“That’s why you hang out with me. We all know that Hyunjin just can’t say no to anyone who offers him a slightly more expensive bouquet of flowers, Seungmin’s in a relationship with baseball and academics, and Jisung...Jisung’s just dumb in general.” Minho then pointed out with a somehow knowing tone, smirking when a familiar figure passes by the hallways right behind you. “Speaking of...” 

Jisung joined you and Minho after, making sure to sit in between the two of you and drowning himself in as many kittens who wanted to sit on his lap as much as he can. “Dude, you shouldn’t have left early!” He scolded Minho with a pout and a slightly breathless tone from running all the way from the park. “Seungmin joined us today and he completely wiped out Sunwoo’s team!” 

“Then even more reasons to come here early so you guys could play with Seungmin on your team.” Minho laughed, gently handing Dori over to you from across Jisung before standing up and dusting the lint off of his jeans. “Y/N needed help with feeding the cats and puppies today, anyway.” 

Jisung frowned, turning to you after and asking, “Don’t you have any other co-workers around here?”

“Jeno has allergies so I don’t let him in here on most days.” You shrugged, handing Minho the empty pet bowls nearest to you as he proceeded to clean and collect them. “I can do it myself, you know. It’s just that Minho comes over and insists.” 

“Then you should’ve just told him that so we can play longer.” 

“Why is it a big deal? Do you like Minho?” 

“Do you?” Jisung’s eyes widened, almost getting scratched by a random cat in the process. “Because...because that’d be gross, to be honest...”

At this moment, your eyes accidentally met Minho’s right behind Jisung and the older boy had the audacity to wink at you before sprinting out of the room with a thumbs up above his head. 

In the end, you shrugged and answered, “I like him.” 

“What?!” Jisung sat up so quickly he almost scared a bunch of kittens walking all over his chest into jumping away.

“I’d be a psychopath if I don’t like him but let him volunteer around here, dumbass.” You deadpanned, moving the kittens around him to a safer space on the floor. “Besides, you asked me if I like him, not how I like him.” 

“What the fuck does that even mean?” 

Minho had a whole laugh out of eavesdropping from this conversation that he felt bad and actually adjusted his schedule for volunteering and playing soccer better so ‘Jisung would have one less thing to whine about all the time.’ 

Age seventeen. You and Jisung tried convincing your respective parents that going to prom as a group is the more practical and actually trendy thing to do but your mothers wouldn’t have it. Ultimately, the two of you ended up lying that you’re going as each other’s dates. 

You initially planned on begging to Seungmin until he pulled up balloons, roses, and a song number to his lab partner right on the lunch break that you planned on doing it and, of course, you had enough dignity to not fall in line with the countless of students that basically worshipped Hyunjin’s locker as if it were a shrine. 

Jisung, with Eunha already set on going with someone else she started dating at the beginning of the 11th grade school year, was the convenient choice. Your parents knew each other, he knows someone (his older brother) who can drive, and he’s recently gotten over his Emo-Hypebeast wardrobe phase after joining the school’s radio club with Chan and Changbin. With some convincing (read: an elaborate PowerPoint Presentation he made you do on the spot during one of your lunch breaks), the two of you decided that you would take all the photos your respective mothers wanted, carpool to the hotel, then go on your separate ways until his brother picks the two of you up at the end of the night. 

It was a simple and fool-proof plan, one that you almost forgot when you rented an emerald green and gold prom attire then Jisung’s mother told you right after about hearing her son trying to order a purple callalily boutonniere that clearly did not match your taste nor your colors (you sorted this out by cancelling the order and taking matters into your own hands). Then, the most awkward photo op at your house happened. 

“Sungie, put your arm around Y/N!” 

“Y/N, stop slouching, you’re going to wrinkle your outfit!” 

You were never serious-looking in any photos that had Jisung in it as well, preferring to pose like the two of you planned on murdering each other right after the photos instead, but your respective moms were holding your Instax camera and the family film cameras across the living room in this particular situation and so you reluctantly kept it inside. Straightening up your shoulders and elbowing Jisung to at least wrap an arm over your shoulder, you held up smiles right next to your red rose corsage and boutonniere set until the two women were eventually satisfied with their photos. 

“Aah, you two really make a cute couple!”

“Mom, we’re not a couple!” Jisung whined, glaring at you after which you immediately returned with the same expression.

“God, I’d sell all my limbs first before we actually become a couple.” You deadpanned back at him.

Fortunately, Jisung’s older brother allowed the two of you to basically try and throw each other out of the car windows on the thirty-minute ride to the hotel venue in compensation. You almost had him by the neck and he almost ruined your hair that you spent hours curling until Hyunjin pulled you back with a smack to your head and dragged the two of you away to help in the Prom Committee’s final preparations since Jisung was going to perform with Changbin and you were a part of the Prom’s Logistics team. 

You mostly stayed out of each other’s hairs for most of the first part of the program as you were busy pulling everything together while Jisung was having the time of his life with the soccer and basebal teams. The next time you bumped into each other, you scolded him for running late to his and Changbin’s set after dinner. 

“Where were you?!” You mostly hit him in the back with your clipboard, frantically passing him his already set up electric guitar and a microphone. First, one of your peers got drunk too early in the dinner to help out in the program, then one of the event’s award sashes briefly went missing and, not to mention, a lot of the people from the other committees somehow forgot about their event tasks when you asked in the main groupchat. You really weren’t having anyone’s antics at this point. “Geez, we already practiced this!” 

“Ow, ow, ow! Stop hitting me! Why are you so on edge?” Appropriately, he whined in complaint and took a step back after receiving his equipment, holding his hands up in defense as he always does. “Cut me some slack, Y/N! It’s prom!” 

“You’re so late when your table is literally right next to the side of the stage!” 

“I was dancing with everyone else! You wouldn’t know since you wouldn’t even take a break!” 

“Because I’m busy!” 

“No, you’re just being more irritable than usual!” 

“Fuck you, Han Jisung.” You rolled your eyes with an exasperated sigh, coldly directing him to the stage. “You’re on, get on the stage.” 

You knew he didn’t mean it cruelly, especially when his pupils started to shake and his shoulders instinctively slumped as he glanced back at you right before reluctantly stepping up the star-filled stage, but you were too tired of having to run around and making the event perfect for most of the night to process anything, much less his usual jabs at you. Being in such a tired headspace, you couldn’t enjoy his songs no matter how undeniably great they were, much less meet his eyes when you knew how he kept glancing at you throughout the entire set. 

He even covered your favorite song on the spot (which surprised Changbin and had Hyunjin running around backstage to inform everyone of the sudden extension) but you already sat down on your shared table with Hyunjin, Seungmin, Eunha, and their dates before he could even begin singing the chorus.  

“Hey, you good?” Minjung, Eunha’s date, asked you with an offering of an extra shawl to cover your exposed shoulders from the nearby air-conditioning unit. Eunha had previously left to go to the bathroom after stopping by your shared table. “Y/N, I told you if you needed extra help with the program, you could’ve just told us. We just planned on dancing tonight, anyway.” 

“I’m good.” You grumbled in a half-lie, resting your chin on your propped up hand tiredly, mumbling a small ‘thank you’ for the shawl as you fought away your tiredness. “I think I’ll just sit the rest of Prom out. Hyunjin can run the program on his own.” 

Minjung frowned, sitting down next to you and fixing the loose strands on the haphazard ponytail you managed to pull up in the middle of the program. “Are you sure? Eunha and I can stay with you until you’re feeling better. Besides, the program’s still long, you deserve to enjoy your hard work later at least.” 

Stubbornly, you simply scrunched up your nose and shook your head. “I think I’ve had enough of prom for one night. You should go and dance more, though. I’m okay as long as you guys are having fun.” 

But equally as headstrong as you are, Minjung got Eunha in on convincing you to agreeing to one dance with them as soon as she came back from the bathroom, reasoning out that, “We can stay in the back and just dance silly! It’s prom!” 

The pair proved themselves to be unstoppable in their joint persuasiveness when they got you to stand up and actually join them at the next set, right as Jisung was about to approach you to apologize. The poor boy ended up waiting the entire night until the two of you were alone instead, shivering right next to each other at the lobby while waiting for his brother to pick you two up. 

“Why did you even pick out something off-shoulder? I get that it’s trendy these days but you picked the venue knowing it’s cold and didn’t even connect a few dots there.” He hissed lowly, contemplating on teasing you further or keeping it quiet until he can muster up a ‘sorry’ to you. Shrugging off his jacket, he then gently draped it over your shoulder and added, “Don’t catch a cold or something...your mom’s going to kill me.” 

“Shut up.” You hissed back, crossing your arms further in over your chest as you spotted his brother’s car approaching the lobby’s driveway. You didn’t remove his coat from your back, though, clutching it tightly instead while convincing yourself that he willingly gave it to you so there’s no reason for you to throw it back at him when you really needed it. “ You don’t even do nice things for me.”

The familiar words visibly caught him off-guard, almost foiling his plan of opening the door for you as he freezes in his steps but he regains composure in time and almost trips ahead to swat your hand away from the car’s door handle. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled in the awkward silence, gulping down his fears of your death glare as he briefly averted his gaze away from you. With this, he missed the way your gaze softened. “There’s candies in the pockets.”

And there was, coincidentally enough the same brand he tried stealing from you on your school field trip.

“These aren’t expired, right?” You chuckled, popping a chocolate in your mouth anyway. 

That was enough for Jisung to relax his shoulders and laugh along. “No, promise.” He held a hand up as if he was swearing by his words, easing you into another fit of laughs. “I ran all the way to the convenience store down the block to get you those tonight! I felt really bad...I didn’t mean it.”

He could be sweet if he wanted, you’d give him that. 

“I’m sorry too.” You whispered to him at the end of the night, right after scoffing at him for insisting to walk you all the way to your doorstep of course. “I was so stressed with managing everything that I took it out on you.” 

Standing awkwardly with you right in front of your house’s front door, the sheepish boy rubbed the nape of his neck and shrugged. “Nah, I think I deserve it. I do annoy you a lot, don’t I?” He chuckled, eyes trained to the ground. “I didn’t even ask you to one dance.” 

“Not like you actually had to, we’re no—” 

“But you were still technically my date and I don’t want to be a bad prom date, even to you!” He insisted anyway, only then looking up at you. “I’ll make it up to you in the distant future, okay? Reserve me your next dance in the distant future, no matter where it is!”  

Before you could even retort, he was already running back to his brother’s car. 

Age eighteen and a half. Jisung began dating a girl named Haneul whom he met in one of his general classes and didn’t have one single clue about baseball or soccer. Naturally, his entire friend group was concerned. 

Though you’re much civil friends now, you still didn’t really care. Or maybe you didn’t want to out of spite (or a really really weird and displaced feeling of jealousy?), you weren’t sure. You just thought that Jisung can do whatever he wants even when it’s something that’s generally not advisable when you’re a freshman in college, but it seemed as if it was all Jeongin talked to you about whenever the two of you met up to study for one of your shared classes so naturally you forced yourself to take in all of the gossip. What’s worse is that Hyunjin would come over often to loiter around the library and gawk at the cute student librarian, ultimately encouraging the younger boy to talk about it more. 

“You’re being unfair to her.” You always reminded the two, sometimes Seungmin when he would sit quietly in the middle of the topic and say nothing to defend Haneul. In this particular time, Jeongin took you to watch the baseball team’s Wednesday scrimmage after hours of studying your nursing notes together at the nearby library. “Like, look, I don’t even do any sports myself but you guys hang out with me.” 

“But you’re different, you’re not dating any one of us.” Hyunjin snickered, hugging his helmet to his chest as he sat a step below you on the bleaches. When a thought then crossed his mind, he dramatically gasped over his gloves and added, “Wait, does that mean you have a crush on someone? Is it me?” 

You smacked him in the head with your hand, rolling your eyes after. “You know what I mean.” 

Next to you, Jeongin mustered up a shrug as he tried getting an injured Kira to sit back down on her seat. Your stubborn best friend, after playing at an underground derby game on the weekend prior, kept on moving around because sitting down with her injuries made her uncomfortable. “But at least you make an effort for us even if it’s just small.” He reasoned out, huffing tiredly when Kira finally sits down and promises not to move for the next five minutes. You would’ve helped him but personally you thought he deserved to suffer alone after letting her go out despite her injuries today. “Haneul got dragged by Jisung to watch last week’s scrimmage and didn’t even last a set. She just left in the middle of the game—literally!”

“He made Jisung skip on my derby game to too!” Kira pouted, waving her bandaged hands frantically in the air. “I’m personally offended, Y/N!”

“And she doesn’t seem to like talking to us in general.” Hyunjin shrugged in conclusion. “Like, sports aside, she’s a bit rude and nonchalant when she talks to us in general especially when Sung isn’t around. It’s a bit sus to me.” 

“To be fair, Kira, I wouldn’t be going too if you and Yeji aren’t so insistent on it. It’s so worrying seeing the two of you get hurt.” You pointed out before averting your attention to Jeongin once more. “And Jeongin, you know the only reason I can’t leave baseball and soccer games these days is because you and Seungmin are usually my ride home.” You scoffed. “If I could, I’d be hanging out with Felix more and only going to Kira’s games. Ya, why is he even allowed to skip games and I’m not, anyway?”

“Because he’s taking classes and training with the cheerdance squad until 8 PM and as far as I’m concerned, you’re free after 12 noon like me!” Jeongin simply grinned at you, earning himself a glare. “Also, I need you here with me as the medic team. You know I’ll panic alone!” 

Fortunately, no one ever actually gets injured at any of the games regardless if they were formal or not. By the time the game has finished, you were reminding Kira to rest more at her dorms and sprinting out of the baseball field to the samgyeopsal place the team promised to treating dinner at. You completely missed the boys’ conversation on Haneul in the process but you did get free food.

You really didn’t get it. The one time you met Haneul by chance, when you and Felix bumped into the two at the mall near the supermarket, she seemed a bit distant but she could be polite when she wanted to. Of course, it rubbed you the wrong way but you and Felix thought that it was none of your business anyway, given that neither of you are dating her. 

“When the guys walked me out of the baseball field last Wednesday, they did mention something about Jisung aiming for the soccer national team but who knows if they’re exaggerating again or something.” Kira confided in you later that week when the two of you met up over lunch. “Either way, I’d understand. If I were in Jisung’s shoes, I’d feel a little disheartened if someone I really like doesn’t appreciate the things I’m passionate about!”

Still, you simply let your friends sort it out for themselves. “Jisung’s a grown-up, he can figure things out on his own at the end of the day.” You reasoned out. 

Age eighteen and three-fourths. Jisung asked—practically begged—you to go to the movies with him because he and Haneul broke up the week before his birthday after opening up his worries to her. The other ticket was meant to be a surprise for his ex-girlfriend.

From what Jeongin and Felix have gossiped to you on two separate occasions, Haneul apparently didn’t like you and the rest of Jisung’s immediate friend group no matter how many times the boys tried warming up to her and getting to know her over the summer. She didn’t really support Jisung’s passion for sports, too, and mostly just stuck around for the ‘clout of it all’ or however Felix worded it to you. 

“I’d ask Hyunjin but he has a date with that librarian!” Jisung frowned over the phone on the night before the scheduled screening of Weathering with You. Reminiscent of a similar time long ago, he sounded more like he was convincing himself than you. “And Seungmin’s taking care of Kira, Minho and Felix are training, Changbin’s doing God knows what with his finals, Chan has swim training and—and yeah, you know where I’m going with this!” 

You sighed, rolling over on your back in your bed after submitting your online work. “You can ask the baseball team, the soccer team, your Introduction to Musical Theory class, the campus radio club, and—and yeah, you also know where I’m going with this.” 

“Yeah but—but it’d be weird if I just went with anyone or something!” He mumbled under his breath, pausing on the other line to scratch his head in thought. “Come on, it’s not your midterms week yet, right? Can’t you come over and go to the movies with me?”

“You’ll probably strangle me in the dark or something.” You argued next. 

“But it’s free tickets! At least you’re going to die with free tickets!” 

“So you are planning to kill me! I knew it!” You snorted dryly, rolling your eyes. “Seriously, don’t you have anyone else to go with? Why me?” 

Jisung took in a sharp breath in the longest pause you’ve ever heard from the usually rowdy boy. At that moment, only then did you notice the faint sounds of pre-recorded dialogues for soccer arcade games. He must’ve been at the one near his dorm then as he usually was when he was contemplating on something. “I just—honestly, I’m still processing all of this and I don’t want to open up to the guys...and Eunha’s abroad and I’m not that close to Kira or Bora so I thought of you.” 

Now, it was your turn to be speechless. 

“It’s silly, I know.” Jisung continued with an awkward laugh when he didn’t hear anything on your end. “But even when you’re annoying sometimes and you always get angry at me because you always misunderstand, you’ve known me the longest and I know you listen well and you’re always open-minded about things so I thought I’d vent to you, if it’s okay...” 

You finally released a defeated sigh, sitting up properly on your bed as if he was actually in the same room as you. “God, you’re too good at making me feel guilty.” You mused out loud. “Fine, just text me the place and time and no funny business!” 

You met up with Jisung at the nearest shopping center the following night, surprise paper bags of take-out and a mini cake for two to eat at the cinema. 

“I’m only going to be nice to you this time because you just got dumped and it’s your birthday later.” You explained as serious as you can to a giggling and blushing Jisung, handing him the take-out paper bags. Once the dinner meals are in his hands, you then take out the blueberry mini cheesecake from its separate paper bag and set up the candle you brought along with it. “Now, make a wish and get it over with.” 

Jisung’s eyes widened at the pink candle suddenly being pushed up to his face, distracting him from the passersby cooing and making comments at the two of you. “Really?” 

You nodded impatiently, thrusting the cake further up his face. “Yes! Now, blow on your candles or I’ll do it myself and eat the whole thing!” 

Jisung wasted no time blowing the single candle and taking the cake from you as well, jumping up and down in place as he closed the lid carefully and returned it to its paper bag. “Thank you!” He exclaimed gleefully, pulling you to a side hug. “Now, I feel a bit better.” 

“You better.” You frowned back at him, biting down a small smile when his hug lingered on a second longer. “Now, let’s go or we’ll be late to the screening.” 

Fortunately, Jisung didn’t actually tried strangling you in the dark while the movie played since he became busy with eating his dinner and cake as well as crying over the plot. 

Age nineteen. Jisung took you to the arcade inside the shopping center after to vent while scoring kicks at the mini soccer game. 

“Basically, she said—” Score. “—that she felt annoyed that Hyunjin, Minho, Jeongin, and Seungmin were mostly onto her for ‘seeming off’ whenever they met or interacted.” Another score. Standing outside the protective fence, your gaze darted quickly between Jisung and the small net across the long room. “So I said that’s just how those guys are: they’re very curious of new people and make a lot of effort over it so when they feel that the other person’s energy seems off or doesn’t match theirs in any way, they’d worry.”

You nodded along whenever he glanced over to you, agreeing halfheartedly. “Hm, those guys don’t take bullshit, of course...”

“Yeah, right...” Jisung kicked another ball, barely missing the goal as he thinks of what to say next. “Then she started accusing the guys that they don’t like her because she doesn’t do sports which doesn’t even make sense because I know it’s not superficial like that.” He sighed, scoring again. After this particular kick, he then stopped altogether and turned to you. “The guys just feel off that, as someone I’m dating, she doesn’t make enough effort to watch my games or be familiar with the sports I love. It’s not the same thing.”  

“But does she make an effort to listen to your music?” You blurted out of nowhere, surprising not only Jisung but also yourself. 

It just occurred you to on the spot. All this talk about Jisung’s passion for sports had you thinking if Haneul also disliked the one other thing that Jisung was absolutely passionate about: his music. 

And it seemed to have caught him off-guard as it took the boy longer to contemplate on the question. “I—n-no? No...” He furrowed his brows in thought, walking over to you on his side of the chain link fence. “Come to think of it, she never told me what she thought of the songs I used to send her for feedback...”

You nodded, mumbling under your breath, “So much for defending her from everyone last summer...” 

“Hm?” 

“Like, I’d get it if your friends don’t immediately warm up to her because that really does happen in some relationships and it can be remedied over time but not appreciating the things you, the person she’s dating, are passionate about is another thing. If she doesn’t like the things you’re passionate about, then maybe she really isn’t the one you should be with.” You shrugged nonchalantly. “She could be all things nice but if she doesn’t support your own ambitions, other things that make you really happy, then everything else doesn’t mean anything.”

When he doesn’t speak, you allow yourself to continue. “Kira told me that you’re aiming for the national team in either baseball or soccer which is a bit surprising since I know you’re already being sought after for your music even at university so clearly those things are very important to you. Having someone around that doesn’t see that importance enough to make efforts is a bit meaningless in the long run, if you think about it. You...you deserve better, it’s what I’m trying to get at.” 

Still, he wouldn’t speak after everything you said. Instead, the boy just gaped at you from the fence. It definitely unnerved you as time dragged on longer. 

“I let you vent and made my own input on it like you wanted me here to and you just gape?” You tsked through your nervousness, crossing your arms teasingly and leaning over the fence on your side. “Ji, say something.” 

“...thank you.” He finally breathed out before you could complain further, catching you off-guard this time. “I needed that.” 

“What?” 

“This whole thing just made me feel really conflicting feelings.” He confessed, voice lower than usual now as he mirrored your position. “Thank you for listening and telling me what you thought. They definitely made a lot of things clearer.” 

You smiled, shoving him slightly through the fence separating the two of you. “See? That wasn’t so hard, was it birthday boy?” You teased, laughing even more when he pouted at your teasing tone. “So? Feel better, then?” 

“A bit, yeah.” He nodded, grinning widely now. “Thanks for tonight, Y/N.” 

“You won’t admit it to my face but I know you’d do the same for me if I annoyed you into it enough.” You shrugged, standing up properly now and walking over to the entrance. “Now, would you let me play? You’ve been at it for twenty minutes, it’s getting tiring watching you.” 

He laughed at this as you joined him in the arcade space, kicking a soccer ball towards you as soon as you came in through the chain entrance. “What? You think you can do better?” 

“I had to watch you all the time after school back then because you were my ride home and Mrs. Han always picked us up late. I’m sure that could amount to something.” 

Age nineteen and a half. For a mandatory community service class, all of your friends signed up to volunteer at an orphanage. 

The majority vote was actually at the shelter you used to volunteer at but your old neighbourhood was too far from the university you were attending and so the most practical option, the orphanage just two blocks away, was the natural next best thing. And from this one semester’s worth of experience, you definitely learned a lot about your friends. 

For one, Hyunjin, Felix, and Jeongin were only popular with kids but only for their looks (additionally, his baking skills for Felix). Whenever you passed by them during volunteer hours, you would often find the three buried underneath a pile of toddlers hitting them with all kinds of toys. Feeling bad, you actually got the orphanage’s matron to assign them to the older kids after a while. 

Seungmin and Kira, on the other hand, were so awkward at first but naturally got into the groove of it. Maybe it’s because they only started dating then and everything was flustering but they surprised you the most with how much they got along with almost all of the kids regardless of age. 

Then, there was Jisung whom almost all of the younger kids practically fought over to play with at the playground. As if it was an inside joke of some sort, it made you laugh the most how the kids would often ask him to push them at the swings. 

“Careful now,” You reminded him once jokingly, elbowing his side as the two of you approached the swing set where the kids were already waiting to get pushed on their respective seats. “don’t want their knees to get scraped or something.”

He simply scoffed at you, shaking his head in disbelief. “I won’t let that happen, not at this age.” 

“So if I asked you to push me on the swings later, you won’t try and kill me this time?” You asked next, waving hello to the children before going around the swing set to gently push them to momentum. Jisung followed suit, making a beeline to his favorite, a toddler named Ara who always asked to be pushed higher on the swings. 

“That’s a trick question because we’re not actually allowed to play here.” He answered matter-of-factly, turning to Ara right after. “Isn’t that right, Ara? Y/N isn’t allowed to play here because she’s an adult, right?” 

The two of you would sit on the swing set and take turns pushing each other when the orphanage staff weren’t looking anyway, giggling amongst yourselves while watching the kids migrate to the jungle gym. 

“You were so annoying when we were kids!” You mostly complained, letting yourself laugh about it now as it was all in the distant past. “You had the ‘girls had cooties’ phase and everything.” 

“Because the boys all said it was true!” Jisung was quick to say in his defense, twisting the chains on his swing around to make himself spin. “And I was seven so of course I’d believe them that easily!” 

“What about when you pushed me from the swings?” 

“We both know that was an accident.” 

“You could’ve secretly held a grudge against me as early as that time! You were so mad when your mom made you buy me snacks!” 

“Because you told your mom that I did it on purpose! I thought you hated me even before that too.” 

“Well, I never hated you before that, just to set the record straight.” You shook your head immediately, turning your swings to the side to face him briefly. “You? Did you ever hate me?”

“Never.” He shook his head back at you in response, equally serious now. “You were annoying at times but that was because I was kinda annoying to you too.”

“What about now?” You asked next, voice unexpectedly wavering at asking such a question and even more when he chuckled at this. 

“You were with me on my what was almost my worst birthday ever just three months ago. What do you think?” He scoffed playfully, returning to his spinning to ease his flustered face. “Besides, we’re like better less-trying to kill each other all the time friends now! We’re even studying together again these days.” 

“We both know you’re only at the library since you’ve been trying to wingman Hyunjin with the librarian and dote on Jeongin like he’s your baby.” 

“What? No, I’m there for you too! Moral support!” 

Age nineteen and three-fourths. Jisung’s older brother invited you along with your parents to his wedding during the Spring break and Jisung immediately jumped on the chance to redeem himself as ‘the best dance partner you ever had.’ 

You didn’t even think he’d remember something he said himself back then. Personally, you thought it was just his guilt from pissing you off or sleepiness from dancing too much at prom that was talking then. But the moment the dance floor was opened at the rather extravagant cherry blossoms-themed wedding, the best man was by your side within seconds after sprinting from his table across the wedding hall. 

“Y/N!” He called to you as he ran to your table shared with all of your friends, your parents, and a few people from your childhood neighbourhood; his obnoxiously loud voice against the jazz music and his hand raised up above his head to wave at you catching a few guests’ attention. “Y/N!” 

Felix was about to ask you to dance after Seungmin and Kira as well as Hyunjin and Jeongin paired up, your hand already up in the air to accept his, but Jisung was quick to swat your hand away from the other boy as soon as he arrived. “Sorry, Lix, I’m afraid I’ll have to steal Y/N away!” He dramatically interrupted in between tired pants, flashing the confused Felix with a sheepish grin. “I owe Y/N a very important dance!” 

“What dance?” You raised a brow, bringing your hand away from his and back to your lap. 

“The one—t-the one I promised you that night a-at prom.” He sighed, finally catching his breath after. “I promised you then, remember?” 

From the corner of your eye, Felix’s eyes lightened up in excitement as he clasped his hands together and cooed. “Aww!” He giggled, making you and Jisung turn to him after. “If that’s the case, then why should I stop you two? I’ll just see if Chan or Changbin aren’t dancing yet!” 

“But Lix!” 

The other boy’s quick to wave his hands to you snappily, shaking his head. “No buts, Y/N! You two go and do that cute promised dance thing you have going on! I’ll be fine!” He assured, much to your protests. “I knew something was going on!” 

“Nothing’s going o—“

“Thanks, Lix! I owe you, dude.” Jisung pats Felix’s shoulder appreciatively, turning to you after and taking your hand once more to pull you up into a stand. “Now, come on! My brother said he has my songs on queue!” 

He whisked you away before you could protest further, taking you to the dance floor just as the music slows down to his own song. “Right on time!” He even exclaimed happily before placing his other hand on your waist. You’ve heard this one before as the one he would always sing at the Open Mic Nights at university. “Now, to make it up to you...” 

Jisung didn’t dance so bad. He was still playful, making it a game between the two of you on who can step on the other’s feet the most when the next songs became more upbeat, but he was serious when he wanted to, sheepishly apologizing that it took him long to make it up to you. 

“I didn’t even remember it until you brought it up tonight.” You assured with a laugh as the song slowed down once more. Without even realizing it, you’ve danced all of the songs in the two-hour setlist with him. “I didn’t think it was important.” 

“Well, it is to me.” He shrugged as nonchalantly as he can, visibly looking nervous towards the end. When you quietly asked him why, his only response was, “Because that night I really realized that even when I liked annoying you, I don’t like pissing you off so much to the point that you hate me.” 

And at that moment you realized that Jisung has some way of catching you off-guard so randomly. “W-What? I mean—” You wanted to joke something along the lines of ‘wow, took you long enough,’ but the words ultimately never came out as Jisung chuckled at your baffled expression. 

“I mean, trying to piss each other off, joking around, competing over studies—those are our things.” He confessed sincerely, unconsciously tightening his grip on your hand as the song progressed. “But I said something that night thinking of it as a joke and not really considering the thought that it would piss you off so much because you were so stressed already. I didn’t like pushing you on edge like that—” 

“You already apologized and everything, it’s all g—” 

“—But most importantly, I really wanted to dance with you then, regardless of the incident.” He breathed out before you could even finish your thought, rendering you speechless for the second time. “Maybe I’ve always liked you then, maybe even before that; either way, I really wanted to have one moment where we weren’t fighting or anything—and, surprisingly, even when we’ve started hanging out better, I still want one. I still like you.” 

You immediately stopped dancing, bumping shoulders with a stranger behind you which Jisung instinctively responded to by pulling your frozen form to the side of the dance floor. You pursed your lips once to speak, only managing to fumble out, “Y-You...you liked me?” 

“I said I like you. Present tense.” He cleared his throat awkwardly, hands dropping to his sides immediately at sensing how tense and awkward the atmosphere suddenly became. “And I like you the way Seungmin dotes on Kira and Minho’s always protective of Bora and Jeoyeon’s been helplessly pining over Chan, those kinds in case you’re going to pull that how exactly do I like you bullshit you learned from Minho before again.”  

“I—r-really?” Was your only response as you tried your best to process this revelation. “You like me? W-Why—why me?” 

He chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the nape of his neck. “Yes, Y/N, how many times do I have to repeat myself?” He teased as casually as he could muster with his growing nervousness. “And why you? I don’t know, either, but I think I can start remembering as far back as the time you teased me at the playground that I push like a sissy but didn’t look for another playmate anyway. I’ve always liked you...just a little bit more now that I’m much more sure of a lot of things.” 

It was all so overwhelming, honestly, but you belatedly muster up a laugh as he recalled such a distant memory from you. “Y-You...God, Han Jisung, you’re insufferable!” You mumbled under your breath, hitting him by his arm with one hand while the other covered your mouth. “Why didn’t you say so?” 

“So, does that mean you like me too?” 

“I let you dance with me the entire night. What do you think?” You scoffed playfully, gaze softening as you looked up at his relieved smile and bright eyes. “You did push like a sissy at the playground when we were kids, though.” 

Age twenty. When Minho bought his roommate flowers to their last cheerdance competition and asked her to be his girlfriend, Hyunjin dared you to one-up the upperclassman and wear Jisung’s jersey to his own final game of the year.

“Well, you did give him that talk over dating someone who appreciates the things he loves.” Eunha told you over video call with the rest of your friend group on the day Hyunjin brought up the idea. Before you could even protest and repeatedly assure that you do support everything Jisung does, she was quick to add, “Yeah, I know you do appreciate them but I just think it’s fitting now! He’s been making a lot of effort for you lately and didn’t you say you wanted to do something in return? Maybe you can finally ask him what you’ve been wanting to ask for a while now too...” 

You hated how she was right and very convincing about it. Since the wedding earlier in the year, Jisung has been nothing short of nicer to you. From actually hanging out with you at the library now (and not just to wingman Hyunjin or dote on Jeongin), buying you food randomly, to letting you vent your own worries and unwind from school by playing soccer with you or playing you music with his guitar, he’s been ‘making it up to you’ with quality time and sweet gestures; the only catch is that he hasn’t officially asked you out like he would. 

The two of you aren’t exactly the direct words type of people but it’s still nice to have some sort of affirmation. 

With a few more coaxing on her part combined with Seungmin’s own persuasiveness nagging at you in real time, your friends eventually got Jeongin to steal one of Jisung’s spare soccer jerseys later that day to give to you for his game on the following Saturday. 

To say that Jisung was flustered is an understatement to say the least. Quickly catching you at the very front of the bleachers before the game started, he waved at you and the rest of your cheering friend group shyly, approaching only when the coach gave him permission to. 

“Hey, that’s mine.” He snickered with even more sheepishness at seeing you up close, holding the jersey he wears by its shoulders before gesturing to the identical one you wear. The two of you stand by the stairs leading down to the field, on the side where you aren’t in the way of passing players and staff. “The jersey—maybe the one wearing it too.” 

You held up the bouquet of daisies in your hands close to your face, effectively hiding the heat rising up to your neck. “I bought your favorite flowers too.” You pointed out next before gesturing to your friends sitting around you. “Those smartasses dared me to outdo Minho’s stunt at the cheerdance competition which I still think is dumb since you were in on that one but, hey, it’s the thought that counts, isn’t it?” 

“Just seeing you is already enough.” He added with a flirty wink, making you cringe teasingly. “The jersey’s a really big bonus, though. I think I can score everything on this one because of you.” 

“You better or else this jerseys’ going to be mine now.” 

“I don’t mind.” He shook his head immediately, pulling you closer by the waist in his now ritual good luck hug from you and placing the flowers back on your sides. “I don’t mind calling you mine too.” 

The cheesy pick-up line makes the two of you laugh. Either way, you push yourself to not let go of him too soon. “...ew, Jisung!” You hit his back instead, heaving a sigh of relief anyway before finally pulling away from his hug to send him off. That’s enough confirmation now. “Now, go win this game and get it over with. We’re still on for movies later, right?” 

“Yep.” He assured, patting your head affectionately before boldly leaning closer again for a kiss. “I’m looking forward to it!” 

[pedrosbish]

space song

word count: 1.6k

warnings: longing, drunk Javier

*female reader x javier*

read part two here

The humidity of the summer heat was almost unbearable, the ceiling fans doing nothing to help the sweat beading on your brow, the sundress you had picked specially for tonight stuck uncomfortably to your skin. But you were glad you had picked it for this occasion and you smirked to yourself as you noticed the brown eyes tracing over your exposed skin. 

Connie had managed to convince you to come out tonight with Steve and Javier, promising it to be a fun girls night but as soon as you arrived, she had made a beeline to her husband and whisked him away to the dance floor leaving you alone with none other than Javier Peña, your co-worker who could be an asshole sometimes and of course the man who you had somehow managed to develop feelings for. 

He was one of the most annoying men you had ever met, and that was saying something when you had to deal with drug cartel members who had the attitude of a pig, but something about him irked you.

On your first day he had gotten you confused with the new secretary, asking for a coffee when you had entered his and Steve’s shared office and calling you ‘sweetheart’. His partner had sniggered behind his cigarette, noting the way your eyes darkened slightly before you moved past him and to the vacant desk that had been squashed into the corner of the room. 

You’ll never forget the satisfaction you felt when you glanced up from the growing pile of files only to see the DEA agent, mouth open and cigarette hanging loosely from it. 

From that moment on, you had hated Javier Peña. 

But somewhere along the lines, you had felt something other than anger and irritation, soon realising that you had a crush on him. It was fucking annoying. He was sleazy, going after anything that had tits and was capable of breathing. He had an unhealthy diet that consisted of smoking cigarettes whenever he could and drinking whisky almost every night.  

He could be sweet, you had to give him that. Once, after a chase that involved you being knocked unconscious with a brick, he had come over to your apartment, a brown bag filled with baked goods (from the bakery you mentioned you liked once) under his arm and a ‘get-well-soon’ balloon in his fist. You would have laughed at the awkward look on his face as he handed you everything if it hadn't been for the tremendous amount of pain you were in. 

The one thing that plagued your mind, however, was the amount of women he had fucked and left, their names and everything about them slipping from his mind as he trudged back to his own bed. He only seemed to remember the ones who were a good lay. And you weren't okay with that. If he couldn't commit to any of them, what would make him commit to you?

You had tried moving on, you really had, but with any man that had managed to ask you on a date was always compared to him. His moustache doesn't look the same as Javier’s, He doesn't look as good in a leather jacket as Javier. He’s not as devoted to his job as Javier. 

He’s not Javier. 

It fucking sucked. You couldn't seem to move on from this one guy, a guy who probably didn't give a fuck about you and only had to put up with you in order to catch one of the biggest drug lords of all time. All of your waking moments and all of your thoughts were filled with Javier Peña. And it made your heart ache that you probably didn't occupy his thoughts at all. 

But you were getting ahead of yourself. This was your night out after all, one that was meant to get your mind off of these thoughts and be filled with dancing and drinking instead. Your gloominess was meant for later, when the rest of the world was quiet and you were in the comfort of your own bed. Alone. 

Unlike the man next to you who was definitely not going to go home alone. You wouldn't be surprised if all of Colombia knew of the man who always managed to get a woman into his bed every day of the week. A woman was hanging off of him, the two locked in a passionate kiss, his hands exploring her curves while hers raked through his hair.

It was hard to watch as it always had been. After a few more moments of quick glances at the pair, you finished your drink and placed it on the bar, pushing off the surface before making your way over to where Connie and Steve were dancing. You didn't have to explain, she could see the sadness on your face.Quick hugs and comforting words were exchanged before you swiftly made your exit, intent on getting into bed and ignoring the rest of the world. 

You hated Javier Peña. But you hated the fact that you loved him even more. 

~~~

You swear you were going to kill whoever was knocking on your door at this time of the night. You had finally managed to fall asleep, the tears drying on your cheeks and hiccups in your throat disappearing as your eyes fell closed. It had been a rough night. 

It took a moment for your brain to register the fact that the Javier Peña, the man you had been crying over for hours, stood in front of your door, eyes drooping as he stared at you, a lopsided grin forming on his face. The smell of alcohol was overpowering and it took everything in your willpower to not slam the door in his face.

"Cariño," he murmurs as he leans against the doorframe, eyes looking you up and down as he takes in the sight of you, arms crossed and a frown on your face. “You left early.”

A sigh escapes your lips as you hesitate on your answer. He probably wouldn't remember this in the morning anyway. “Yeah, well, you were busy and Steve and Connie were...being Steve and Connie.” Shrugging one shoulder, you attempt to hide the hurt evident on your face. “I was bored so I decided to go home.” 

“Could I come in?”

“Oh shit, yeah of course,” you let him move past and watch amusedly as he stumbles his way past you and over to your couch, plopping down onto it and rubbing his hand across the smooth texture. “Let me just get you some water. Y’know, I don't think I've ever seen you this drunk before.”

He hums loudly in agreement and watches as you place the glass in front of him. “Sit with me.”

“I should really get back to sleep and you need to rest,” you say as you smile down at him. “You're gonna have a really bad headache tomorrow.” 

“Please.”

“I shouldn't Javier. Just...go to sleep, okay?”

The next few moments were a blur. You don't know how he managed to do it but Javier had grabbed ahold of your wrist, surprisingly gentle as if you were made out of glass, and leaned up at the same time as pulling you down. It was surprising to feel his soft lips against yours, the hair of his moustache tickling your upper lip, a contented hum escaping his mouth. 

He nipped at your lower lip causing a surprised gasp to escape you, the sound immediately being swallowed by him, making a small smile spread across his face. His thumb rubbed back and forth, back and forth, back and forth across the skin of your wrist, goosebumps erupting at his soft touch. 

“Cariño.”

You slowly leaned deeper into the kiss, your heart beating rapidly as he pulled you closer to him. It made you smile, the way he sighed into the kiss, trying to get closer to you. The smell of him was overpowering, addictive, and you slowly realised that you never wanted to be apart from him. He smelled of cigarettes, cologne and whiskey. 

You pull away abruptly, yanking your wrist out of his grasp as you take a step away from him. Tears blur your vision, your chest heaving at a rapid pace as you see him frown at you, immediately moving to get up, to go to you, to comfort you. Holding a hand out, you take another step away from him. 

“You’re drunk Javier. You don't know what you're doing.” 

“I’m sober enough to know that I want this, I want you.”

“Please...just stop. You don't know what you're saying. You-you don't like me that way.” You rub at your head as a shaky breath leaves your lungs, tears burning your eyes. But you quickly wipe them away, licking your lips as you nod to yourself. “We can just forget this happened. In the morning you'll forget this happened.”

You don't wait for him to say anything, your mind already made up as you move towards your bedroom, shutting the door softly behind you. You feel nothing and everything at the same time as you make your way to bed, turning off the lamp. Only then, in the comfort of the darkness, do you let the tears fall down your cheeks.

He watched silently as you left, knowing how stubborn you could be (especially with something like this) and how difficult it would be to convince you that he did have feelings for you. You were different, good, kind, innocent. He sat down on the couch again, head in his hands, feeling angry at himself, angry at the way he had fucked this up. 

He really did want you. 

~~~

read part two here

[jean-does-not-have-a-horseface]

oooh may i request eren with a female s/o who doesn't put up with his bullshit? Like when he gets jealous n stuff

So I turned this into a break up fic because why not!? I live to hurt my own self while writing. I was listening to Noir By Sunmi while writing this hence the title.

Pairing: Eren/ Reader

Tags: angst, breaking up, seriously angst, modern au

Warnings: mentions of jealousy, angst, seriously. Just angst.

Noir

There is a despicable attire masking the way you're looking at Eren. The feeling that's boiling in the depths of your chest as you're sitting across from him on your kitchen table is indescribable. It's mixture of anger and determination, merged with heavy specs of remorse, whether it is for yourself or him, you haven't decided yet.

Your reflection in the glass of the kitchen table is mocking you. In it you can see a few of the cupboards behind you, you can see your inox fridge that's decorated in numerous small polaroids and you can see your hair, being messy and tousled, just like it always is when you're staying indoors. But you- no, your face. Your face looks deformed and blank, lost in the aggravating aspects of an angered expression.

Setting your eyes to any where but Eren isnt a simple task. Rather, you find no interest in looking at the borders between the marble tiles of the floor. They were plain and annoying to look at, but if you could you'd pretend they could calm you down. Keeping your huff in though, you alternate your gaze onto the top of the counter, onto the tap of the sink. You squint, pretending to take a good notice of the forms that light reflects into the object.

"I just don't want other guys being too touchy with you." Eren groans.

"Aren't we over this?" You roll your eyes.

"Yes, just pointing out that you wouldn't like that either."

There he goes again and you can't help but immediately snap your orbs to his direction. You have lost count of how many times he has mentioned it in only the span of five hours. He mentioned in while taking a shower, he mentioned it while working out, be mentioned it while cooking yet you've chosen to ignore him. Yet you know that ignorance doesn't benefit anyone, ever.

And you shouldn't act as if you're surprised, especially since you haven't addressed this. This is Eren. This has always been Eren. Expressing your concerns to Eren about how you feel he should trust you more has never worked, why should it work now?

"Eren, I can trust you that you won't let anyone do that!? Don't you trust me?"

"Yes, but."

"But?"

"I don't trust what others want to do to you. And what if you give in? Did you just wake up one day and decided to just devote ourself to me specifially?"

Eren is bitterly jealous. There's this spite that's hiding the aqua lines of his eyes, this sour mood that he always carries around when he gets in it. This stops him from being able to eat even slightly to normal; his hands are nervous and sweaty, his fork is abandoned to the side of his plate, his thumbs tapping onto the flat sides of his plate as if he's waiting for a response. There's not even the hint of a crump going down his throat, more so there's not a single bite taken off of his sandwich.

"Eren no one was touchy with me. Jean, Reiner, Armin, Marco... these are literally our friends since school!" You speak, munching onto your own food.

"I know."

"Then? Want to talk about it?"

You hate the way you make it sound like it's okay to casually be tender to him when he's judging you but you've been munching onto that bite of your cold noodles for a long time now. Your throat is refusing to take down bites anymore in result of you having stuffed your mouth to the full. It's an effort to shush yourself, to silence that voice that begs to come out and speak words you might regret.

"It's just." Eren pauses.

And you wait for his words to come out. By tapping your own hand onto the the glass of the table, you fixate your gaze onto Eren's uncomfortable form. You watch as his face gets buried to the palms of his hands, you watch as he refuses to face you while he clicks his tongue. His foot is rapidly tapping onto the floor, his hair is being pulled back by his fingers. The loud exhales he takes are indicators to the heavy weight that's sitting on his chest.

"It's so hard for me because I imagine you being with others, I don't want anyone to get their hands on something that's mine. And it's driving me crazy (y/n)."

Out of spite you push your eyes to the side. Facing Eren isn't something you feel like you're free to do at the moment. It's horrendous that you have to answer to that. Your heart is alternating between hammering inside your chest and dropping to your stomach. Your mind is confused as to what you should begin to think, or say. This is Eren, you keep repeating to your self, your spongy brain though is refusing to believe it.

It makes you wonder; Is this a time to be kind or is the last straw?

"Eren this is destroying you isn't it?"

Eren nods and then hides inside the neck of his hoodie, he pulls his sleeves over his palms and brings his elbows to the top of the table, setting them down as he leaned his face into his now clenched fists. You take it upon you to swallow that amount of food that's in your mouth up until now and when you do it goes down your throat dryly, painfully even. Your eyes are somewhat stinging, tiny little droplets are already starting to form in their corners.

"I don't want to feel like this anymore."

"It's destroying me too. Your jealousy."

Your chest rises and falls, your eye brows furrowing paid fully over your eyes as you look down. You can feel the gaze that's fixated on you; Eren is burning holes through your form with his piercing gaze, even if you can't see it it's a fact that you can't help but ignore. You heart the clenching of your teeth as your jaw locks onto place, trying to salvage every aspect of what can be saved between you and Eren.

"Then what did you suggest we do?" Eren quarries with a soft voice, his arm reaching out to wiggle underneath the grip you have of your face and hair.

"I-"

Maybe you can try. Couples try and fight for each other. And then things are supposed to get better. When you're down he's supposed to help you reach the top and you're supposed to do that too. It just doesn't feel like that with Eren anymore. You feel like Eren is holding you back, you feel like he's digging and delving into the past in such way that present doesn't matter to him anymore. You hate to think that it's not healthy to stay with each other anymore. If you weren't so exhausted by this being your new reality, you would be willing to try.

Your hands move reluctantly from their grip on your head, your thumbs shivering as you moved then down and along Eren's cubits. You trace imaginary lines over his slightly olive skin. Your fingers, shaking as much as your thumb work into taking his hands on yours, as you're pressing your palms onto his knuckles slightly.

"Maybe we should take a break from each other."

Your lips feel lighter than air as you mouth the words, still you're more concerned about how Eren is taking the sentence up. It's not easy to digest; you moved your eyes onto his form and suddenly they're stuck there, that pained expression is suppressing your lips in a puckered state, harsh lines spreading all over the volume of your lips.

"I didn't say this for you to tell me that."

Eren throws his hands in a orbit that's years of light away from yours. He's not touching you anymore, and you lose every ounce of affection in your body. The stinging tears that had threatened to fall are starting to vanish, hiding inside the sponge tissue of the corners of your eyes. A shiver runs through you as you watch Eren's nervous foot stop it's rhythm.

"I know."

"I'm sorry. I've talked about this with you so many times. And I'm just not feeling like I can do this anymore. I wish I could fight about us even more, but I can't be the only one fighting. I feel horrible for saying this but Eren, saying this sentence felt liberating for me. I feel free."

"There's no need to explain yourself. It's fine. Fine. I made you feel this way and yeah." Eren bit his lip as he spoke.

"I didn't think we'd end like this."

"Me neither." He snarls.

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be." His nose scrunches as he sniffles.

His eyes trace the uneaten sandwich in his plate, then they followed a forbidden path to you. But before he meets your eyes, he snaps his gaze back to what he was originally eyeing to distract himself. He wants to lash out, he wants to shout, but for what he doesn't know. It is rather odd to just sprout nonsense to someone who doesn't want to be standing across from him just because his devotions belonged to them up until second day ago.

Thus he bites on the inside of his cheek, pointy teeth digging into the soft flesh with fury, opening holes that he knows will be a pain in the ass before they heal again.

Without him, you'll be free. The phrase is a loop that's repeating into his head like a snap to reality.

Eren watchea as you bite your top lip and push your chair backwards, prompting your self up and away from the table, with your lips pushed into a thin line. He can see that it feels like a walk of shame, from your point in the kitchen to the sink, the way that your feet sound when clashing with the tiles of the floor indicate your need to not disturb him further. As if you're pitying him.

Eren grows to hate the way your pity presents it self. As if he is sick. But you are right.

"I'll go to sleep to Sasha's tonight and I'll come get my stuff tomorrow." You announced, without ever turning to look at him.

If he can work on himself he can try to get you back, he thinks and sighs. Nontheless he refuses to reply; he hasn't been given a right to reply to such statement. He can only let you go, and try not to be swallowed by the suffocating thought of you moving on without him.

At least now you can be free of that.

Taglist: @sasageyowrites @levisbrat25 @puredivinity @ackermans-freedom-inc @callmepromise @nobody-knows-anymore @berrijam @lzrers

[satendou]

⟼ if you can’t beat ‘em

⍣ clueless chemistry series | next

・‥…━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━…‥・

⇢  pairing: bokuto kotaro/f!reader/kuroo tetsuro

⇢ au: clueless chem!au, college!au, poly!au

⇢ summary: you and kuroo have it bad for each other, even though you’re dating bokuto. ignoring it for the sake of your relationships, it turns out bokuto isn’t as oblivious as you think.

⇥  masterlist

⇢  warnings: established relationship, polyamory, smut, double penetration in one hole, blowjobs, fingering, oral, unprotected sex

⇢  word count: 8k

・‥…━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━…‥・

⇢  a/n: idk how good this one actually is so we’ll see

The front door opened as you were putting three frozen pizzas in the oven, a deep, amused voice calling out a greeting to you. Your heart dropped from your chest to your stomach, almost dropping the pizza in your surprise.

“Back again? Just can’t stay away, can you?” Kuroo asked, dropping his bag with a muffled thump* by the door. You could hear the sound of his shoes hitting the floor as well, and then it seemed like he was suddenly behind you. “Bokuto home yet?”

“Hey, Kuroo. No,” you answered, trying to keep the nerves singing in your stomach at bay. Had you known he would be here before Bokuto, you might have opted to stick around for Bo’s practice instead. “He should be home soon though.”

As if to prove your point, both your phones dinged at the same time. Kuroo unlocked his first, reading Bokuto’s message in the group chat saying he would be home in ten. 

“How were classes?” you asked as you checked your own texts. Bokuto had sent you a separate text full of heart emojis and an ‘eye love you’, to which you chuckled and typed back. There was a series of texts trying to determine meet up times for a group project in one of your classes, which you ignored for the time being. They would spend the next twelve hours trying to figure it out amongst themselves, so you had time. “The fuckin’ economy professor is killing me this semester.”

Kuroo laughed while you set the timer. His eyes lingered on the way your legs stretched out from underneath Bokuto’s old Fukurodani jersey before he winced.

The last thing he should be doing was eye-fucking his best friend’s girlfriend. He bit his lip and averted his eyes out the window, seriously considering all of his life choices, right down to the choice not to get a drink at the bar the night Bokuto met you.

Ugh, lucky bastard, he snarled in his head, but it was filled with amused aggravation at himself. Jealousy was unbecoming, especially when he was as envious of Bokuto as he was of you. What an awful friend he was. Up until the day Bokuto had met you, Kuroo had kept whatever feelings he’d had for Bokuto in check, refusing to linger or inspect them deeper than as a surface level platonic interest. He was afraid if he looked too closely at them, they would take root and flourish and then he would really be screwed.

But seeing the two of you together had really stuck in his craw and forced those dormant feelings to the forefront. At first, he hadn’t liked you because he was jealous. Yet, the longer he was forced to be in your presence and he saw how unbearably happy you made Bo, the more he just accepted that that was how things were meant to be. When he accepted that, it allowed him to start to get to know you.

And about that was around the time he realized he was actually, really, and truly fucked.

Turning back to you, he found you giving him a soft, pensive look that tugged at the fine strings holding his heart, which he chose to ignore for everyone’s sake. “Yeah, I had him last semester and it only gets worse. He’s gonna give you some insane project about halfway through the semester, so if you need help, let me know. I aced it, after all.”

You had quickly averted your eyes, cheeks flushing a light pink when he caught you staring, but you laughed into your hand. “Thanks, I appreciate that. Not gonna lie, I’m already kinda lost as it is. All the numbers and different...whatever. I need to really study if I’m gonna keep up, ugh.”

The offer to help was on the tip of his tongue when the door opened and Bokuto stumbled in, calling a raucous greeting, causing guilt to flood his system again. There was no reason to feel that way either, he was just going to offer you help, it wasn’t even an underhanded attempt to spend time alone with you, for fuck’s sake. Not that it wouldn’t be a perk but you were dating his best friend. He would reign in his urges for that if for no other reason.

Trying not to read too much into the way you scampered away from him, he watched you smile at Bokuto, who swept you up in a hug. The burning in his chest was a mix of affection and jealousy, and it left a bitter tang on his tongue as he looked away. The sun was mostly gone by that point, and the lights of Tokyo were starting to twinkle. 

For a brief moment he considered going out to find somewhere else to be for the night. Watching the two of you simper over each other all night would be enough to make him puke, and yet he found himself parked on the opposite end of the couch from you, watching Fight Club. Just as expected, you were curled up against Bo’s chest while he told the two of you about practice and classes, and the gap between you and Kuroo felt like a canyon.

“Where’s ‘Kaashi?” you asked at last, when the clock struck ten. The pizza was long gone by then and you were settled into Bokuto’s chest, his hand warm on your back through the jersey you wore. It was abnormal for him to be so late getting home, and you narrowed your eyes at Bokuto’s smirk.

He snickered into his hand, grinning knowingly. It was oddly devilish coming from your light-hearted partner. It did strange things to you, sending chills down your spine, and you shifted closer to him. “He’s out on a study-date, but I don’t think he’ll be coming home tonight.”

Kuroo scoffed on your other side before snickering. “Since when are you so observant, Ko?”

“I’m a lot more observant than you might think, Tetsu.” 

There was a strange, new edge to Bokuto’s voice when he answered, sending both of your hearts racing when you heard it. It set off something akin to alarm bells, and you and Kuroo looked at each other.

When you had first got together with Bokuto, you had been forthright with him. You liked him a lot, but you were someone who liked having multiple partners. Of course, Bokuto being Bokuto it hadn’t made a difference to him. 

“Alright, cool. Not sure I’m interested, but thanks for letting me know. Now how ‘bout we go get some ice cream?”

At the time, you hadn’t believed he truly understood what you meant, but after a few more conversations and hints, he finally got the big picture. And still didn’t seem to care. 

As he had said during that first conversation, he showed no interest in dating outside of you, and so it made you feel a bit guilty about going on any dates when he was almost single-mindedly devoted. Then again, it had taken you a decent while to get to the point where you wanted to date other people. Bokuto took up a lot of your time that wasn’t already taken up by classes and work. He was a ball of energy that left you no chance to even consider interest in anyone else.

Maybe that was why you had fallen for Kuroo. Besides Akaashi, he was the friend that you spent the most time with, but you didn’t care to date any of the other people you met. 

No, that wasn’t right. You didn’t date them for long, if one date could be called dating. It was fine--  you weren’t looking for anything. Just, sometimes you would agree to coffee or dinner and then ghost or be ghosted after that.

You still couldn’t pinpoint when you had fallen for Kuroo, either. With Bokuto, you had taken an instant liking to him, with his loud vibrance and undying enthusiasm. His more or less blind optimism and kindness towards everyone didn’t hurt either.

Kuroo, on the other hand, had started out a bit...abrasive. You couldn’t tell what were jokes; he was constantly picking and teasing, and it grated on your nerves for a while. A few of your other friends called him a “master of provocation” and it sounded stupid but you could also see what they meant. He was certainly good at getting under your skin.

Which was why it surprised you when you saw him one day and felt the familiar stir of emotions, your eyes starting to linger on him longer and seek him out. His teasing became less annoying and more endearing, your laughter coming more easily in response to it. You would guess it was around that time that his gaze started lingering on you longer than was appropriate, and that you began to catch his eyes.

The longer it went on, the more you realized a lot of things about Kuroo. How he liked his coffee-- black if he had an early morning class, but with a lot creamer if he wasn’t going anywhere-- and that his teasing was interlaced with a lot of good advice and kindness-- you just had to know where to look. He was smart, top of the class in most if not all the science courses, funny, handsome, and kind. And the way Bokuto talked about him, like Kuroo was some kind of saint with a sarcastic streak, really didn’t help.

It really wasn’t much of a surprise when you considered all that. But he was one of Bokuto’s best friends, strictly off limits. You were definitely not about to go and ruin their friendship because you couldn’t control yourself.

You weren’t going to be that selfish.

Neither was Kuroo, even though he never said as much. It wasn’t something either of you had ever even considered bringing up amongst yourselves, beyond weighing the pros and cons of doing so.

Pros: maybe you realized it wasn’t a crush after all and you could settle into a friendship.

Cons: you fucked up big time.

Pretty simple answer.

But no matter how hard you tried to ignore the feelings and treat each other as friends, it wasn’t that simple.

“What do you mean, Ko?” Kuroo asked, quirking his eyebrow at Bokuto. There was a small smile toying at the corners of his lips, but his narrowed eyes belied his concern.

You admired his ability to sound so calm and collected when your heart was racing so fast in your chest you were lightheaded. The accusatory tone in Bokuto’s voice wasn’t even fair when you hadn’t even done anything--

You remained tucked into Bokuto’s side, head craned up to look into your partner’s face, but you couldn’t get a read on him. Usually he was so open, betraying every emotion he was feeling in a given moment, but besides the narrow, calculating look in his eyes, there was nothing. 

“Ko?” you murmured, tentatively covering his hand with yours.

“Like you don’t know, Kuroo. I’ve seen the way you look at her,” Bokuto answered, slipping his hand out from under yours. You found yourself hoisted further up into his lap, planted sideways across his thighs, and your heart made its way into your throat. Tears burned your eyes as you looked at Kuroo, pleading with him to save this.

Kuroo looked right back at you, alarm evident in his eyes, before looking back up to Bokuto as he shook his head. “It isn’t like that, Ko. You know it isn’t. And she hasn’t-- we haven’t--”

So focused on Kuroo, you didn’t notice Bokuto’s arm sliding around your waist until it was pulling you back slightly, so that you were putting your weight on it. Bracing yourself on your leg wasn’t an option either because Bo had already hooked his other arm under your knee, pulling until you were splayed out before Kuroo, who had a sudden inkling this wasn’t going to go the way either of you expected.

Still, he kept his arms locked across his chest, legs crossed as he kept his eyes firmly on Bokuto’s unreadable yellow ones. He was actually a little concerned about how Bo was suddenly so good at that-- it made him uneasy, not being able to tell exactly what he was thinking. It had been years since Kuroo had learned all of Bokuto’s tells but he was seeing none whatsoever now.

“I know you haven’t, because I trust the both of you,” Bokuto responded, and finally looked down at you. His arm came out from under your knee so he could cradle your face, giving you the first soft smile you had seen since he had first started...whatever this was. It almost* eased the tightness in your chest, but you were still confused. Then he laughed, boisterous and full and loud and both you and Kuroo jumped a mile high. “Don’t worry, guys. I’m not mad. I mean, have you seen her? I’d be more concerned if you weren’t interested.”

You gaped like a fish and Kuroo’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, only making him laugh harder at the utter confusion all over both of your faces.

Kuroo was the first to recover, blinking wildly, and his concern for you was evident. “You mean you aren’t mad? We’ve never even talked about it let alone acted on it so I think we were both confused but--”

“Bro, Akaashi noticed ages ago how the two of you were acting and asked what was going on. Was super concerned but I told him it was cool and that we were open so I didn’t mind,” Bokuto explained, and his arm around you relaxed as he pressed a chaste kiss to your forehead. He smiled when you cuddled down into him, curling your knees up so that you were tucked close into his chest. “Sorry, baby. I just wanted to have a little fun.”

You couldn’t help the tears that welled up and spilled down your cheeks, and Bokuto was quick to ramp up his apologies, swiping at the tears with his thumbs while Kuroo chuckled from his seat. When you looked up at him, his pretty yellow eyes were swimming with regret, but you weren’t quite ready to forgive him yet.

“The hell, Ko? I was really scared. I thought you were gonna-- gonna leave me or--” You hiccupped, hiding your face in his shirt. Fingers curling into his shirt, you wiped your eyes on his shoulder, feeling his large, warm hands rubbing your back. You weren’t sure what the or was, but it had something to do with cutting you and maybe even Kuroo out of the picture. 

You were shaking against him and Bokuto was just starting to think he’d really fucked up when you pulled back and kissed him full on the mouth. He could feel your lips quirk up against his, taste the salt from your tears on his tongue, but then you were playfully smacking his chest while you huffed out a laugh.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” he answered, glancing at Kuroo from the corner of his eyes. His friend was examining his perfectly filed nails with feigned disinterest, picking at nonexistent dirt underneath them, and he smirked. “Why didn’t you guys tell me about it, though? Or at least you, _____. You know I don’t mind.”

“Uh-- well--” you stuttered, and looked to Kuroo again. He looked mildly curious, and you realized he didn’t really know about yours and Bokuto’s arrangement either. Probably because Bokuto completely forgot to mention it, if you had to guess. Things like that slipped his mind often when they weren’t pressing. Sometimes even the important things did as well, but you couldn’t blame him. Much softer and a little shy, you continued, “He’s your friend, Ko. I didn’t want to do that. Especially to you and Kuroo.”

The corner of Kuroo’s mouth ticked up, affection for you flooding his system, and the soft look Bokuto gave you only made it worse. He wished he was on the receiving end of anything from either of you, but it wasn’t possible. But he was curious to know what you and Bo were talking about. You didn’t want to do what* that Ko didn’t care about? With him*?

But Bokuto was too busy showering you with affection to notice anything Kuroo was doing, so he contented himself to watch him whisper in your ear and listen to you giggle in return. Why he was still just sitting there was beyond him when he was suffering for it, wanting everything the two of you had. Jealousy flared in his ribs and spread down through his stomach, icy hot tendrils wrapping around his heart until he thought it might burst. He really was such an awful friend.

The couch shifted and you broke from Bokuto to look at Kuroo, who had stood up but was staring with fixed determination at the TV. The look on his face was twisting and turning, changing from anger to resignation to hurt and back again, as if he couldn’t figure out what he wanted to feel.

Scoffing at what was on the screen, he turned towards the hall. It was all well and good that the two of you could make up and move on, but the longer Kuroo sat and thought about it, the angrier he became at Bokuto’s ‘joke’. As if his feelings were just something to amuse him and he wasn’t about to sit here and be made fun of, but he wasn’t about to blow up on the two of you either. It wasn’t your fault he was...feeling like this.

Except it kind of was Bokuto’s but he wouldn’t understand.

“Where you goin’, Tetsu?” Bokuto asked, but his eyes were narrowed in amusement. Over the last few months of watching the two of you, he had learned more about Kuroo’s expressions and tells, things he had missed in the years that they had known each other. The way Kuroo’s eyes would narrow just before he said something he knew would tick someone off, the way his eyes would water just the tiniest bit before he told a joke he thought was hilarious, or how he would suck his lip in and nibble when he was holding his tongue on something-- which was rare-- were just a few.

He had also taken notice of the way he stared at not only you, but Bokuto himself. Now, Bokuto would be the first to admit that he wasn’t the most observant or the smartest, but he knew a wistful look when he saw one and he was the constant target of Kuroo’s. He was probably neck and neck with you, but he couldn’t be sure how much longer he’d been on the receiving end. When he asked Akaashi about it, he had only shrugged, commenting, “Maybe he likes you too. Have you thought of that?”

The answer was no, no he hadn’t. But that had started some weird gears turning in Bokuto’s volleyball addled brain and sooner rather than later he wondered if he hadn’t developed feelings for Kuroo in return. It wasn’t like he was oblivious to how attractive his friend was, but in Bokuto’s mind it didn’t work that way. He liked what he liked and Kuroo had been around for so long that he never thought about how deep his feelings might run. He was just such a constant in his life that it didn’t occur to him there might be more to it, not like when he had met you. His feelings for you were instantly recognizable, but the more he delved into watching Kuroo, the more he realized those same feelings applied.

It was all very confusing to Bokuto, who usually just lived by a run and gun mentality, and tonight he was shooting his shot.

Right now Kuroo was biting his tongue so hard Bokuto was sure it was bleeding inside his mouth, and he laughed again, his answer short and bitten out. “Just going to go to bed. It’s getting too lovey-dovey in here for my tastes.”

Your heart thumped painfully in your chest, knowing that Kuroo was hurting. None of this was fair to him, but what could you do? It wasn’t like it was fair to you either, nor was it fair to Bokuto. You had made your choice-- you loved Bo and that was all there was to it. “Kuroo, I’m sorry.”

Your words caused him to falter, soft and unbearably sweet. It took everything he had to stop himself from turning around because seeing you would just make it that much harder. Sighing, he said quietly, “It isn’t your fault, _____. None of this is anyone’s fault. Except maybe Bokuto’s for bringing you around.”

He snickered at the offended squawk that left his friend who, unbeknownst to him, leaned down and whispered something into your ear.

Your eyes widened in surprise and shock, and you couldn’t find it in you to ask if he meant it, so you just stared up at him without blinking. Was he being serious?

Bo smirked at the look on your face-- it was one he would never get tired of seeing, when he surprised you by telling you something you weren’t expecting and he was very good at it-- and nodded. Helping you to stand, he patted your butt to get you moving when you just stood there for another moment, still staring at him. He was sure you were expecting a trick but if you didn’t get a move on Kuroo was going to leave and make things a lot harder.

Walking as quietly as you could and avoiding that one creaky spot by the corner of the coffee table, you came up behind Kuroo, who was just hovering in the middle of the archway. He jumped when your hand came to rest on his back, but followed your persistent tugging for him to turn around. He was several inches taller than you, which made it a bit awkward, but when he was finally facing you you looped your arms around his neck and stared up at him.

He took in your wide, nervous eyes and the way your shoulders rose and fell far too fast, then looked over your head at Bokuto. He was splayed out and relaxed on the couch watching with a smirk on his face. Kuroo would swear there was lust in those golden eyes, like he was waiting for them to put on a show.

The smirk issued a challenge and posed a question, slowly sliding down to you. Kuroo set his hands on your hips and Bokuto nodded, eyes widening the slightest bit and Kuroo groaned low in his throat. The hell was he thinking? Was he actually offering you? For that matter, were you going along with it?

When he looked down to you, his breath was literally knocked out of him at the open, hopeful look in your eyes. You were so achingly beautiful to him, need and desire shimmering in the depths of that hope. He caved with little resistance, slotting his lips against yours sloppily. You whined, standing on your toes, tangling your fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. It was as soft as you had always imagined, though your fingers did get tangled in the strands. He tasted soft and sweet, his tongue gliding against yours as if savoring every second of the kiss. He was a lot gentler than you expected of him, pulling you flush against his body as his mouth moved against yours.

“Holy shit,” Bokuto whispered, drawing you both from the moment. When Kuroo pulled away to look at him, there was definitely arousal pooling in his eyes, and he shifted in his seat. Catching Kuroo looking at him, a smug grin flitted across his face, then he looked at you.

You were still staring up at Kuroo with half-lidded eyes, lips parted and a need for more written clearly on your face. Before he could give in to your begging, Bokuto called for you.

It took you a moment to register, then you were pulling away to go to Bo, stumbling a little on your way and they were both concerned until he took your hand in his. His pretty face had finally lightened up into something you were used to, open and expressive and needy. His rough hands caressed the outside of your thighs, making you squirm with desire. You needed more.

“What’s wrong, princess?” Bokuto asked, catching Kuroo’s eye behind you. Inclining his head in invitation, he watched Kuroo shake his head in confusion. It made him feel a bit bad-- he had never seen Kuroo like this before, so torn up over something, but he was equally amused. He just loved surprising people. To you, he asked, “You need something?”

You flushed red from the tips of your ears all the way down to your chest, twisting the hem of your shirt in your fingers, and shook your head.

“No? Nothing’s wrong?” Bokuto teased, easing your fingers up from their death grip. He lifted your hand to his lips and kissed the tip of each finger. You were biting your lip and looking to the side, tension resting in your shoulders. When he had told you to go kiss Kuroo, the look on your face and in your eyes had been adorable, the sight of the two of you stirring something he hadn’t expected.

It had never been in his interests to have more than one partner, especially because relationships weren’t high on his list of priorities in the first place. You had come into his life like a bright flash of sunlight through the gap in a curtain, blinding him. There had been no hesitation in his pursuit of you, though it wasn’t much of a chase since you had agreed to a date right off the bat. It had been easy with you, for the most part, because he had never lied to you about how important volleyball was to him. After a few months, it became a rhythm to meet up after practice whenever you could, and you made it a point to be there for his games. Sometimes he felt guilty, that he was neglecting you, but whenever he brought it up you would sit him down and promise him you understood.

He was undoubtedly grateful for your support, no matter how fanatical he got about his passion, and it was one of the reasons he didn’t say anything about it when you brought up dating people besides himself. The way you explained it made sense to him-- but your needs were more complex than his, he had to admit. He felt no burden* from your need for attention, but if you needed more than he could give you, he would let you go. 

But you stuck around, and that was more than he could have hoped for given how busy he was. It seemed he might have the solution now, if you and Kuroo wanted it.

“Kotaro, what is all this about?” Kuroo asked, cutting into Bokuto’s pondering. First name use, huh? He was catching on. 

Bokuto smiled at him, happy and light and manipulative, causing Kuroo to sigh. If he was right, then he was going to get his number one wish of the last six months. A part of him was almost scared to find out what would come of it, but the other, louder part of him hardened in his slacks.

Bokuto snickered and urged you to turn around, preening when you did so willingly. Your head was still swimming with trepidation, your heart racing with hope and exhilaration. Kuroo seemed to have a better grasp of whatever Bokuto was getting at than you did, but it wasn’t hard to gather how far he was planning to let this go. His hands were warm on your thighs, sliding up, up, up, underneath his jersey that hung two times too large on your body.

Kuroo gulped, you could see his Adam’s apple bob in his slender throat as inch after inch of bare skin was revealed, and he took it all in with a hungry stare. He wasn’t even pretending he wasn’t interested, not now that Bokuto had all but spoken his consent.

You trusted him enough in that, and you had no interest in stopping him either.

There was an audible intake of breath from Kuroo when you took over pulling the shirt over your head. It hit the floor with a whisper of sound, easily obscured by the low groan emanating from Kuroo.

How many times had he pictured you like this, naked and so fucking willing for him, only to be flooded with shame immediately afterwards? Looking down at him as you rode him or up at him as you sucked his cock, lips stretched around him-- in any scenario you were fucked out and drooling, begging him for more.

There was no shame this time as he stared at you while Bokuto peeked over your shoulder wearing a smug expression that would have pissed Kuroo off in another situation. As it was, Kuroo was just itching to run his fingers all over your supple skin, leaving marks that would remind you of him come the morning. When Bokuto’s fingers started to toy with the waistband of the too short shorts you still wore, he took a step forward, but Bokuto stilled and shook his head.

“Ah, ah, not yet, Tetsu,” he said, and began to slide the fabric down. Your panties peeled away and both men could see the wetness on your folds before you began to rub your thighs together, but Bokuto wasn’t having that. “I want you to watch for a bit.”

He yanked you down into his lap, eliciting a panicked squeak, falling into his chest with your legs spread on either side of his. The silky fabric of his shorts did nothing to hide the erection grinding against your ass and you gasped.

Kuroo relaxed, trying to appear nonchalant as he leaned against the wall, but his eyes were sharp and focused on the way Bokuto’s fingers skimmed up your inner thighs all the way to your core, spreading your slick lips. “Since when are you such a tease, Ko?”

Bokuto gave his signature smirk, just one side of his mouth turning up as he rested his chin on your shoulder. “I’ve learned some things, Tetsu. Enjoying the view?” You squirmed with embarrassment in his hold, head turned to the side but it did nothing to hide the red flush on your cheeks. You were leaking all over his shorts as his thumb found your clit, swiping over it and you mewled. His other hand came up to cup one lush tit, tweaking your pretty nipple, and you clenched around nothing.

Kuroo could see the way your hole twitched, spread as it was by Bokuto’s fingers, slick dripping down the curve of your ass. He had to fight to resist the urge to palm himself, just to relieve something, and he swallowed thickly. Yes, yes he damn well was enjoying the view, and when one of Bokuto’s thick fingers slid into you, he moaned with need.

You jerked in his hold, eyes locked on Kuroo, who looked like he was going to collapse at any moment. His eyes were bright with arousal, the tent in his pants obvious though he tried to appear calm. It looked painful, but with Bokuto’s finger curling inside you while his thumb toyed with your clit, you weren’t in any position to help.

“Feel good, princess? Want another one?” Bokuto asked, snickering when you nodded mutely. The slick noises your hole was making filled the room, your head on the verge of falling back onto his shoulder, hips rocking ever so with his thrusts. When another finger was added you moaned, eyes fluttering closed and legs trying to squeeze closed around his. His lips blazed a trail up the side of your neck to underneath your jaw, teeth nipping sharply as he listened to you. “Tetsu, how does she look?”

“Breathtaking.”

The word tumbled out without thought, unable to look away from you. Though his cheeks flushed he absolutely meant it and he watched your head snap up to look at him with wide eyes. He was almost afraid he was dreaming, watching Bokuto pump his fingers in and out of you while you squirmed in his lap. Your eyes were glazed and needy, lips parted in a silent ‘o’ when he curled them up just right, your nails digging into his forearm in a white-knuckle grip. 

You whined when Bokuto pulled his fingers out of you, covered in your slick, lifting them to your lips. Bokuto perked up when Kuroo moaned, pinning him with an amused stare while your lips wrapped around them, lapping and sucking the taste of yourself.

“Want him to taste you, pretty girl?” he asked, loud enough that Kuroo could hear just to watch him perk up. There was no hesitation when you nodded, reaching out to him and he went in an instant, falling to his knees before you.

He grabbed you by the knees and pulled you down further, slinging your knees over his shoulder as he dove in. His tongue lapped at your outer lips to tease, your thighs tightening around his head every time he came close to your clit only to miss. When he looked up, your head was back on Bokuto’s shoulder, tits being fondled by your partner as he watched Kuroo eat you. 

He groaned, drinking in the taste of you and when one finger teased your entrance, you spasmed, jerking your hips up seeking more.

“Tetsu, please,” you whined, reaching one hand up into Bo’s hair while tangling the fingers of your other in Kuroo’s, urging him forward, and who was he to deny you when you asked oh so nicely?

Wrapping his lips around your neglected clit, he sunk in, moaning at just how fucking wet you were. You parted so easily for him that he dipped a second in and you squeezed his head between your thighs, moaning his name again.

“Fuck,” Bo whispered, voice hoarse as he watched Kuroo eat you out. He let go of your breasts to grip beneath your knees, holding you open and Kuroo glanced up, catching the way Bokuto stared with undisguised desire. “Why did we not do this sooner?”

Pulling back, he let loose a smug grin, his thumb replacing his lips around your clit. “Didn’t take you for a voyeur, Ko,” he said, thrusting his fingers up and grazing the soft spot inside you. 

“I wasn’t until just now,” he muttered, holding your trembling legs tighter. Your fingers were tugging at his hair harder, so he knew you were close, your juices leaking all over Kuroo’s hand and filling his ears with slick noises.

You gasped, feeling the coil tighten, ready to break and you let them know, eyes fluttering shut as you rocked your hips into his fingers. “Please, Tetsu, please, I wanna cum--”

“Then cum, pretty girl,” he growled, circling your clit harder. He could feel you fluttering around them, squeezing tight and your lips parted, a moan ripping out of you as heat washed through you, legs fighting against Bokuto’s hold. Kuroo kept it up as you cried out, riding you through it until you relaxed into Bo’s chest, panting. “Fuck, I knew you’d cum so pretty, kitten,” he rasped, pulling his fingers from you. 

Before he could lick your essence off of them, Bo grabbed his hand, drawing it slowly towards his mouth. Their eyes locked and you watched as Bo hesitated for a split second before drawing them between his lips, lapping at the pads of his fingers and further.

“Holy shit,” Kuroo whispered, eyes wide at the sight of his best friend swallowing his fingers. The look in his eyes made his cock twitch with want, imagining them wrapped around his thick shaft, lapping and sucking. Unable to handle it, he ripped his fingers away, carding them through his hair as he asked, “Can I-- Can I kiss you, Ko?”

Bokuto hummed, eyes thoughtful as he cupped his chin. Kuroo could tell he was teasing and quirked a brow at this new side to his friend.

“I’ve never kissed a dude before. Never really wanted to either,” Bokuto admitted, though he didn’t look or sound ashamed. In fact, he sounded curious, and Kuroo smirked.

“Not much different than kissing _____, though you might like it more,” he teased, guiding Bo’s head to hover just beneath his lips, caging you between the two of them. He waited, letting him make the decision and with his usual tenacity, he dove right in, sweeping his tongue across the seam of Kuroo’s lips. They parted and he was overwhelmed by the aftertaste of energy drinks and cherry chapstick. He had always imagined kissing Bo would be an experience, especially with how many times he had watched him makeout with you, but it was entirely different now. Kissing Bo felt like he was drowning in him, leaning in for more even though he wasn’t holding anything back.

When they pulled apart, Kuroo was panting, pupils blown wide. He followed after Bo, wanting more, but was stopped by a hand on his cheek. 

“I didn’t know you were so needy,” Bokuto said, and it was impossible to ignore the deep timbre giving away how affected he was. “I say we continue this in the bedroom, hm?” He looked down at you, and you nodded, still looking a little fuzzy from watching them kiss. “Good, let’s go.”

Kuroo helped you to your feet, drinking in the sight of you proudly naked, while Bo took your other hand. He pulled off his shirt as soon as your bedroom door was shut behind Kuroo, who almost choked at the sight. Bo was built like a Greek god, all bulky muscle; he couldn’t even think about moving without flexing. 

He felt fingers on the hem of his own shirt and looked down to find you tugging at it, and he let you pull it up and over his head, stooping down just so you could. Bokuto had already kicked his shorts off towards the laundry basket, missing by a mile while you undid the button of his pants. His cock throbbed when your fingers grazed over it as you pulled them and his boxers down, falling to your knees while they pooled at his ankles. 

A loud moan ripped from him when your hand gripped his base with your soft hand, head thumping back into the door. You started with light touches, nuzzling and kissing his cock like you were worshipping it and, when his eyes finally opened again, he found Bo staring, licking his lips. His hand was around his own cock, pumping slowly as he watched you take Kuroo into your mouth at last, and then he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore.

His fingers tangled in your hair, just holding it back as you bobbed up and down his length, tongue tracing the vein and swirling around the head, not really giving him enough to cum but damn if it didn’t feel good. When he looked down at you again finally, he found you staring up at him, eyes bright and teary, and then Bo’s hands were on your cheeks, pulling you off of him.

“‘M startin’ to feel a little jealous, babe,” he whined, though Kuroo could detect no hint of it in his voice. If anything, he sounded antsy as he pulled you to your feet and kissed you, delving his tongue between your lips. Backing you into Kuroo, he hooked his arms underneath your knees and Kuroo took the hint, helping him lift you up so that your legs were spread wide, Bo’s length sliding against your wet slit. You weighed nothing to him and he often liked to use his strength to trap you, bouncing you on his cock at his whim. This time was no different, your whines music to their ears as he prodded at your slick hole.

“There’s something I’ve always wanted to try,” he grunted as he filled you, splitting you around his thick head. You were so tight, sucking him in and mewling in his ear for more, tugging at his hair as he seated himself fully inside of you. Kuroo watched the whole thing with a slack jaw, touching his cock just to ease the ache of watching you beg for Bokuto’s cock. “Think you could take both of us, baby?”

The noise of agreement you made went straight to Kuroo’s cock, his hand suddenly not enough for him. When you turned to look at him, yanked your head back by the hair and slammed his lips against yours. Breathless, he asked, “Are you sure? You don’t have to, we can wait--”

You cut him with a whiny plea against his lips. “Yes, yes, Tetsu, I want you both to fuck me.”

Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined this outcome, but as your cunt stretched around him, whining and clawing at Bokuto’s shoulders as you let him in too, it was his new favorite fantasy.

“Fuck,” he groaned when his hips met yours. You were crying, pussy fluttering around them at the fantastic stretch, and he stilled inside to let you get used to the feeling. You were limp between them, your head resting on Kuroo’s shoulder while they held you up. “So tight, princess, shit.”

You knew he had a filthy mouth, but hearing him now while he praised you made you whine, and Bokuto snickered.

“She just loves being told how good she feels, how pretty she is when she’s being fucked. She’ll do anything if you do, won’t you, baby?” he said. His hips began to rock, testing if you were ready, and your mouth opened in a silent cry when the crown of his cock ground past that sweet spot inside you. He couldn’t have missed it if he tried, and when he pushed back in, Kuroo pulled out.

They set up a steady rhythm, pounding into you so you were never empty, sometimes pushing back in at the same time just to hear you cry out. You could only let them use you as they wanted, nails perpetually digging into Bokuto’s broad shoulders and a litany of cries and moans fleeing your lips.

The heat was building up in your stomach and every time Bo’s hips met yours, he ground into your clit, forcing his cock just a little bit further. His fingers had a death grip on your ass, squeezing and kneading the flesh like Kuroo was doing to your tits, plucking and pulling your hard nipples as he whispered how good you felt into your ear.

“Ko, please-- Tetsu, I’m gonna--” you cried, tightening your thighs around Bokuto’s hips but you only spurred them on further, their hips slamming into yours at a faster pace. Your back locked, forcing your tits out and Bokuto’s eyes locked on the way they bounced, licking his lips.

“Come on,” he grunted, using some of his brute strength to make you bounce, your breasts jiggling with each hard thrust. When Kuroo’s hand slid down your ribs and over your stomach, your breathing hitched, the coil wound so tight it was painful. It snapped when his fingers grazed your clit at the same time they buried inside you.

You clapped your hand over your mouth to hold in the scream, hips jerking and twitching in their hold as Kuroo continued to assault your clit. He pulled out of you, leaving his cock achingly hard but it was worth it to see you ravaged by Bokuto’s insane pace when he set your back to the wall, your toes curled as he pounded into your overstimulated pussy. You were crying again, wailing his name until he stilled inside you with a grunt, massive frame curled down over yours as he spilled inside your cunt.

Panting, he pulled back to see Kuroo working his hand up and down his shaft, using your slick as lube with his lip pulled between his teeth as he watched you.

“Think you can take care of him still, baby?” Bokuto asked, setting you on your feet. 

You nodded, falling to your knees-- your legs weren’t going to hold you up anyway-- and beckoned Kuroo over to you. He stumbled in his haste to get to you, resting his arms against the wall above your head as you swallowed his cock in one fluid motion.

You were making the most obscene noises as you choked, working him down into your throat as fast as you could without hurting yourself, and Kuroo watched it all with wide, needy eyes. The sight of your nose burying in his curls was what did it, and he choked out a curse as he came down your throat. You swallowed around him and he thought he might lose his mind, gathering your hair up to hold you down until he was spent.

Helping you to your feet, the three of you stood there for several moments gathering your breath, staring at each other with amused wonder.

“Well, that was fun,” Bokuto said, the first to recover. He looked far too self-satisfied for Kuroo’s liking.

You snorted in amusement, limping over to your drawer to pull out another shirt, since the one you had been wearing was still out in the living room. You were in desperate need of a shower and sleep, and you had to hurry before Bo got a second wind.

“So what now?” Kuroo asked, watching you with a raised brow. There was smug pride in his smirk and it must have shown because you turned to glare at him.

“Dunno, what do you want?” Bokuto asked, sliding his boxers back on. He fully intended to join you in the shower, so he fetched a fresh pair from his own drawer, giving you a cheeky grin when you made a face. “If you want a relationship, I’m down.”

They both looked to you then, and you rolled your eyes. “I’ve liked Kuroo for ages, so you don’t even have to ask me.”

“Then it’s settled,” Bokuto said, clapping his hands. “Besides, I like the idea of her not being lonely, since I’m so busy with volleyball and all. And I know I can trust the two of you together.”

He said it with such confidence that both of you were filled with warm affection and happiness, knowing that he believed you wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. And you wouldn’t-- you both loved him too much.

“Alright, shower and then bed. I’m exhausted,” you said, punctuating it with yawn. You stretched your arms over your head and heard an intake of air and, when you opened your eyes, you found them both wearing predatory expressions. “No, no no no. I am sore and tired and--”

“Awe, just one more,” Bokuto said, voice cajoling, and Kuroo nodded in agreement, following Bo as he crowded you against the dresser.

“I have class in the morning, I won’t be able to walk,” you whined, even as you let them pull your shirt back off. It hit the floor and was promptly forgotten as fingers danced up your thighs and over your ribs, more prodding your already abused hole still dripping cum. 

Kuroo snickered, his fingers sliding into your pussy again and you shuddered against him, still sensitive. “Ko can carry you, it’ll be fine*.”

“Oh fuck me,” you whined when Bo’s lips latched onto your nipple, and you tugged at his hair in a futile gesture. You were already gone and everyone knew it.

“That’s the plan, princess.”

⇥  masterlist

⇥  taglist: @sluttony​, @visaintes​, @yunhosblackgf​, @super-noya​, @byebyes-world​, @newfriendjen​

[life-rewritten]

True Beauty- Prince Charming, The Knight and the Ugly Duckling

Okay, let's get into it. First, I think the discourse has begun even more fiercely with the love triangle. I can see so many people complaining and crying about the treatment of Seo Jun in the show. Now I just want to say first of all that I haven't read the webtoon, it must be very upsetting to see a favourite of yours be so different and changed in an adaptation and all his good moments are given to the other guy just to make him a better lead. I get that frustration, but what can I do but analyse what the show is showing. Right now, the discourse about how toxic and creepy Suho is isn't making sense to me. I do think he is getting more hate than needed; it's fine if you're upset and hurt by how they have twisted the characters but don't come in and put all the blame on one character who isn't doing anything horrifying as everyone keeps on making it out to be. Nevertheless, I'm here to analyse the love triangle in these two episodes. I'm here to discuss more about the psychological basis of the characters, their masks, and how they show love and deal with these emotions. So without further or do let's get into this analysis, shall we?

Feelings and Emotions

First of all, episode 7 and 8 was very focused on the love square building. It makes sense because all our characters are going through feelings and emotions for people who show up and be some kind of happiness and safe space to them. This is not just Ju Kyung, Suho, Seojun but also we have an addition to Soo Jin who questions her feelings and emotions as well. In my opinion, this love square can go either way; both couples in the square all have different ways they impact or change each other. Both Seojun and Suho are great matches for Ju Kyung especially, but we also have to look at it more in-depth. Why is it that at the end of these two episodes, it was always going to be Ju Kyung and Suho who ended up together, for now, no matter what? It doesn't mean SeoJun is out of the game, in fact, I think he's more closer to having a chance with her in terms of storytelling, and how it bodes for Soojin is quite foreshadowing to be negative and worrying. So let's look deeper into the love square situation and break down what is going on so far. Who are the end game couples, who's meant to be, and who's provided more evidence they should stay together. Answer no one.

Let's get to it. First of all, as much as some people want to avoid the truth about this. Suho is Kyung's, Prince Charming. She even has a fantasy about him being exactly just this to her. I mean it makes sense; everything he's done and been to her so far has been exactly what a typical fairy tale prince charming does to a girl. Let's look at all he did in episode 7 and 8 first.

Protection and Care

We start off with episode 7, seeing just how protective Suho gets. Now don't get me wrong, it could be seen as possessive and invasive but as someone who has watched Kyung and her past instances with men, Suho is actually a great person to her. Not only does he protect her at the karaoke place along with Seojun and others, not only is her safety his number one priority (as he always shows in the show) but he also ensures that her self-esteem, her emotions, and her respect are taken into consideration. He goes so far to lose sleep (he doesn't have to do this it's just what he does for her) just to make sure that she is apologised to by the bullies who frightened her. He knows she's probably still shaken up about it, probably still thinking and fearful about them showing up again and that she has had an extensive experience and trauma with bullies before. So for her to see the bully show up and offer her a peace of mind that he's not coming for her again is so great to see. Now Seojun doesn't have to do this, but when the bullying happened because of her connection to him, he kind of pushed it off and moved forward like it didn't matter. But to Kyung, it probably still mattered because it was a moment she was scared about and Suho couldn't sleep right if she didn't feel safe. That's goals, in my opinion of what a boyfriend is. It's sweet that even in the car he saw that she was shaken up after the events, he showed her warmth and care just by holding onto her hands, he may be cold sometimes and tsundere but that's only because he's been forced to become that way because of his family life and environment. Which brings me to...

Power and Reputation

Like a Prince, Suho has a lot of power and reputation. It's how he protects Kyung he uses his powers, his talents, his abilities to ensure the bully apologises and shows her respect. He wants to make sure she knows she deserves to be treated right because she hasn't let herself feel like she's worthy of respect for most of her life. After all,  people made her feel like her looks made her lower than that. I've mentioned in my previous analysis that Suho's reputation and power is both a gift and a curse. It's the mask he had to use to push people away when he thought he caused people to get hurt by being near him.

Again the teachers treat him differently because of the power he holds, due to his family background, this might be seen as a positive but it's actually a burden to him; there's a lot he had to go through because of this reputation, there's a lot of pressure for him to be this great person for people; like Seoyeon for example who Seojun blames him for not using his power and reputation to save his life, not just that he's also had his privacy invaded, we see in episode 8 when he and Kyung have the boat ride that he's been also traumatised by paparazzi when he was younger. He's always been seen just for his name and status and not who he really is. But what's great about prince charming here is that he uses this power and reputation each time to save Ju Kyung and show her the same devotion and respect that other people show him. 

The Disguise

Now the issue with episode 7 when it comes to both Suho and SeoJun is that they do this in disguise. They care for her all the time in secret, and as much as both their actions are sweet and caring and important as boyfriend material, it's quite annoying that they don't come to her and show her that they care.

Episode 7 is full of hesitation from Seojun who's coming to terms and realisation with his feelings, and episode 7 is full of misunderstandings with Suho. Suho is still slowly breaking down his walls, and his coldness has been a way to protect himself from people. So it makes sense that as much as he wants to show her, he cares he struggles with knowing how to do so. Both Seojun and Suho don't have relationship experience on how to treat the girl they like. And you see in episode 7 and 8 that Suho struggles to know how to ask her out and by the time he wants to show up and tell her, he cares he gets misunderstood and is pushed back yet again. What I like about both Seojun and Suho is that immediately they know how they feel for Kyung they try to tell her and show her. That's why I think as much as Suho is the one who was more likely to be with her at this moment, Seojun isn't far behind in taking her heart if something goes wrong.

What matters is although he first tried to be Tsundere with her, Suho changed and started to try and find her and show her he cared. He wanted to ask her out, to make her know he liked her, he stopped being cold to her after episode 7 and 8. So people crying about how cold he was to her makes no sense to me. He was cold before because that's who he is, and how he's grown up to be, but once he recognised he wanted her, he didn't do anything toxic or mean to her anymore. Instead, he stood by her side, waiting for an opportunity to show her he cared. He went lengths to protect, and show her warmth, and show her support each time she cried and needed him to. Seo Jun does that too,  which brings me to analysing these two scenes where SeoJun and Suho both are Prince Charming and the Knight in shining armour for Ju Kyung. As I keep repeating, both are reasonable boyfriend goals.

Comfort and Support 

One of my favourite moments this two episodes is both the crying scenes of Jukyung with the respective guy. Suho sees Kyung crying over her mum, throwing away her makeup and he also sees her beating her self up over her grades. What he does again makes me like him even more as her boyfriend, he knows she worked hard, so he makes her know that, he doesn't want her to lose her self esteem again because of what people say to her. Suho is always protecting Kyung's self-esteem; he wants her to value her self as important and useful. She scolds her self because of being dumb and ugly or whatnot and how people perceive her, and he's always on her side, making sure she knows that he doesn't see her like that. He commends her effort, and he likes her for who she is. That's why she falls for him.

Not only is he the one who takes care of her in her most vulnerable moments when she feels broken and worthless being ugly but he's also there to show her support when she feels dumb and stupid. He makes her know that she's not that, and he knows she's okay being her self. It's sweet. This is different with Seo Jun who probably makes her feel comfortable with who she is because they can bicker and be themselves with each other, but he also insults her and joins in the mocking (not meanly) of her grades and her looks. Suho always in her mind shows her unconditional support and care. He gets her ramen, and he even offers to buy her new makeup to make her stop crying. And she doesn't think she deserves him to do so because she can't fathom that he could like her. However, she still has hopes that he could because of all his actions and how much she wants him to despite situations.

Now with Seojun, he has his own moment to show her that care. She cries to him about being upset because Suho doesn't like her. He probably was going to confess to her when he met up with her, but he patiently takes care of her and wipes her tears and let's her go selflessly. It was also sweet. But it doesn't hold the same weight to Kyung the way Suho's actions does to her. Right now, Seojun is on the losing side because he doesn't know who she really is without her mask. Suho does, and he's had opportunities to show her he likes, respects and wants her without it. This is why he was always going to be the one who she gave her heart to.

Friendship and Comfort

But the basis of the love triangle is friendship. Kyung and Suho not only have this need to protect and care and be there for each other, but he also knows what she likes, reads and is obsessed with even when she tries to hide it from others. She doesn't want people to know she reads the comics she does, listens to the music she does, because it doesn't match her mask of beauty and gentleness, but Suho knows all that about her because they both like the same stuff. So it's not just forced romantic feelings out of the blue that these two have had moments for, but they've been building a friendship with each other from the start, the moment he saw her and helped her when she almost jumped off the ledge in her most broken state. He's always been the person who's seen her for who she is, and the most comfortable person to speak to and be with. Now with Seojun, there's also friendship and comfort, like siblings he's also the kind of person that brings out her louder self, and she feels normal with him and comfortable because she doesn't care how he views her. So again, he still has a chance to win her heart because he also is a friend she cherishes and notices.

Soojin and Suho

And it's weird and sad because everything Suho does for Kyung that I've mentioned he also does that for Soojin. He offers her the same friendship and support and comfort and warmth. He's also seen her and known her in her most broken times without her mask. It's sad to know that he probably is one of the happiest places for her to be, amidst all the trauma and abuse she receives in her life, he's probably someone she wants to latch to, to stay happy but she can't have him now because of JuKyung. This is why I feel we're foreboding a bit of a villain back story with her; I hope not because I don't want girl hate, but it does make sense if she does end up feeling she has to do something to ensure Suho doesn't leave her side. Because he's one of the most important sources of comfort to her, he makes her feel good. It's just sad that he didn't see her as that way.

Before I continue with the analysis, I want to bring up a mirror character for the couples in the show; JuKyung's mum and her dad. 

The problem with Kyung's mum

JuKyung's mum is a very frustrating character, and like all the adults in the show, she's lacking and also a negative person. She is callous and mean to people, especially her daughter, who she refuses to open her mind to listen to. She's not a monster, and she does love her daughter as shown when she is talking to her husband about wanting what's best for her and not seeing her as ugly, but her surface interactions with Kyung is a different story. It's ironic because her mum should be her most significant support and person to make her feel worthy since she went through the same thing her daughter went through. She's seen like Kyung as ugly, and people tell her this all the time. She managed to get a handsome husband which is something she holds on to but is insecure about. She keeps trying to control her husband by belittling all he does so that he doesn't feel above her or get distracted by other women.

It's why she's so adamant about kicking him out of her shop when he's selling candles because she noticed how women interact with him. I think the thing with her is that she used her grades to enter university, and that's where she met her husband and found her job, which she is known as the best. She wants Kyung to focus on her studies, not on how people perceive her because she thinks it's the way to secure a better life and way to be seen as worthy by others. Because she also struggled and didn't have belief in her self either. This is why she probably has built up this anger and need to criticise and put people down because they did that to her as they do to Kyung. It's her own mask and her own cover of trying to seem strong and worthy.  Why I'm seeing mirroring with them, and Kyung and Suho are because her husband dotes on her as shown in episode 8, he's just as protective and loving to her, but also he was a singer (we all know Suho is Leo).  The same unconditional, supportive and caring love that her dad shows her mum is the same Suho shows Kyung. I think that's why we saw their interaction in episode 8.

Another couple that brings up the same themes in reverse is Hee Kyung and the teacher. Hee Kyung has decided the teacher is who she wants, she appreciates him and shows him that she sees him as hardworking and necessary despite him feeling worthless because he's in debt. He tries to push her away because of his lack of self-esteem (something I think Kyung will end up doing to Suho, she'll try to hide their relationship because she doesn't feel worthy being his girlfriend etc.) but Hee Kyung proceeds to keep on showing him (same steps that Suho was told to do to show Kyung how he feels) that she's there for him and loves him for who he is.

Prince Charming and The Ugly Duckling

That's why episode 8 is focused on the ugly duckling. People probably brushed it off, but clues were pointing to it. Kyung calls her self the ugly duckling, and there's an ugly vengeful ghost who wasn't loved because of her looks by her husband that is out to find a new face to cover up her ugliness. It's not the fairytale of the ugly duckling that matters, but just the mental anguish in the tale the ugly duckling suffered from because of being seen as different and ugly. It's the same fears and pain that Kyung goes through this episode. She regresses from believing that Suho could possibly view her as a love interest because of Soo Jin being in his life. Soo-Jin is the pretty one, is the worthy one because she's just as smart, rich and good looking as Suho. She ends up going through the same anguish that both the ghost, ugly duckling go through feeling disappointed, hurt, frustrated with the people around them because of how they view themselves. Both the ghost who ends her life because she's felt rejected and brutally treated because of how she was born, and the ugly duckling who gets rejected, hurt, bullied and pushed away almost to his own mental death are symbols of how Kyung views her self, and what she was the most frustrated about when she cried to Suho.

It broke her to realise that she couldn't be with someone like him because she was less than Soo Jin even though he and her had something. It probably was all she thought was the reason she couldn't chase after and let him know how she felt. Plus the idea of losing this new friendship blooming with Soojin and Suho, when she didn't used to have people like them in her life before. Kyung broke down because of the realisation about how unfair she felt life was to her because of how she was born. She was going lengths to cover up who she was the whole trip, and Suho had been there protecting her and caring for her and seeing her for who she is but at the end of the day he was always going to be more in love with Soo Jin because she was the better person.

Which is why again Suho without knowing or meaning to shows up to show Kyung he cares for her, for who she is, and he sees her the opposite of how she's been made to feel about her self. He buys her the swan necklace. And something touched my heart when I saw it. Like it's just like him to do that when focusing on Kyung feeling and telling her self she's the ugly duckling worthless, and below others, actually, Suho sees her as the swan, he knows who she really is, he likes he for who she really is, and he's there to remind her that the ugly duckling wasn't ugly at all but was a different species and was beautiful once he matured. He was always meant to be a swan.

And Suho buying that necklace symbolises his thoughts towards Kyung, what he does for her is just remind her that even without makeup she's still worthy and she's above the rest to him. It's the same things he's done the whole episode 7-8; he fights to show her she's meant to be respected, meant to be loved (when her mum doesn't show her that), meant to be valued and meant to be seen for who she is. That's why he was always going to be the one to end up with her by the end of this episode.

Boyfriend Material

Like I said Seojun's bracelet is sweet because it's all he can give and so it's also good because he's just again being himself and being authentic towards her. For him and Kyung, it's always authenticity, comfort and warmth. But when it comes to Suho it's more than that, he sees her. He makes her love her self, not because he likes her don't get me wrong she doesn't need a guy to make her love her self, but he's the person who shows up as a reminder, the person behind the scenes who's always making her realise that she's just okay being her self. That's why she calls him a fairytale. In the end it's nice to have a prince who's rich (the necklace was expensive), powerful, and protective but Suho is more than just that to Kyung, he's her strength, her support and the one person who makes her feel good about being her self. That's enough for her.  

So as much as Seojun is a great boyfriend material he doesn't have the same impact on JuKyung right now. He doesn't know the real her, even though he is great and caring and warm with her. He is just as sweet and protecting as Suho, but he's just a little bit too late. From the first time, Suho and Kyung met on that rooftop they meant more to each other. It's not just Suho who is Kyung's safe space, warmth, support etc., Kyung does the same thing for him it's vice versa, she makes him break down his walls, be vulnerable, also feel worthy (because remember he hated himself because of Seoyeon's loss). She also makes him feel seen and reminds him; he's also okay as his true self. They both do this for each other. That's why this hate towards Suho for his possessive, creepy, obsessive nature (as people call it), is uncalled for.

Suho has been made to be the cold tsundere lead because he struggles with PTSD. Yes, he needs therapy, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have a good impact on Kyung, he's not toxic to her, he's actually good for her, and he is the only person after everything we've seen her go through this whole show that makes sense to be the one that she loves.  There's still a lot of things they still have to heal from and deal with to get to the end, and perhaps Seojun would find a way to do more for her than Suho has done so far, but for now, Suho and Kyung are written to be each other's person so let's see what happens next.

I really mean it when I say I don't care about this love triangle. I'm only following what the show writer and director is showing, what they are making me see. Could it be different in the webtoon and I'd support Seojun more yes, but webtoon readers; it's clear that the writers have made Suho the person they think is for Kyung, and they've stolen Seojun's moments because of this, is it right? No, of course not. But it doesn't mean the show isn't good or that Suho is a monster or whatnot. It just means you have to decide if the show is worth watching if you can't deal with what they did with it. The amount of hate Suho receives in the tags is just hypocritical in my opinion, when Seojun and Suho do the same thing with Kyung. They're both as possessive and as protective and they both have their flaws. They're both sweet to her, and caring. No one is wrong, or right as the end game. But don't be too irrational when it comes to your bias. That's all I'm saying. Anyways apart from the love triangle, True Beauty continues to be a light watch that I love and enjoy, I love the relationships and the psychological conversations that can be derived from the show. I've been through what Kyung has gone through, and I've gone through moments of seeing my self as worthless and meaningless because of how society views me or has made me think about my self. That's why I appreciate her relationship with Suho and Seojun. I really relate to her dramatics and her break downs, and I like this show for being not just light at times but also serious when it talks about what the characters are dealing with psychologically. Anway that's my analysis. Let's see what next episode brings.  

[alpacaparkaseok]

Lost & Found - 13

Pairing: Park Jimin x soulmate (oc)

Warnings: Insecurity, anxiety, abandonment, oc feels like she’s gonna puke which, honestly, same

Word Count: 5.3k

a/n: we’ve only got a few chapters left!!!! *cue the screaming*

Chapter 13. You Never Walk Alone

series masterlist

I’ve never been one to follow the rules.

In fact, I’ve wondered many times if I came into existence for the sole purpose of breaking as many rules as possible within a short amount of time.

However, as I sit here staring down at my phone and listening to it ringing without someone answering on the other end, I find myself promising whoever is listening to my prayers that I’ll obey every rule to come my way for the rest of my life as long as someone just answers me.

For hours, no one does.

By the time the moon has risen, I’ve finally dozed off on the couch with my phone still in hand and a very confused Elle on my stomach. When my phone begins to ring, I jump, nearly falling off of the couch in the process.

Without even bothering to see who is calling me, I bring the phone up to my ear.

“Yah, hyung. I’m already- oh...Jolie?”

I blink, wondering for a moment if this is all some cruel dream. “...Jimin? What’s going on- what happened?”

“You’re safe- she’s safe, hyung.” There’s chatter in the background, but my ears perk up at a familiar voice. “I’m so sorry, you must have been worried sick- hey!”

“Jolie?”

I jump off the couch, eyes wide. “Chung-hei?! What’s going on? Why haven’t you been answering your phone? I- I thought…”

I don’t quite know what I thought. Obviously, that the worst had transpired. Chung-hei knows exactly what path my thoughts have taken, as she’s quick to explain.

“I’m so sorry, Jolie. When we left your place Sunmi noticed that someone was tailing us,” my breath comes up short. “I think they thought you were with us, they might have been tailing the car for the past couple of days to make sure it was yours. And then they probably saw Christina…”

She doesn’t need to explain that to me. No doubt whoever was tailing them saw Christina with her severed thread and automatically assumed that she was Jimin’s estranged soulmate.

“So what happened? Is everyone ok? Is Christina alright?”

There’s some fumbling on the other side of the phone, and I swear I hear Chung-hei’s annoyed sigh but it’s quickly covered as another familiar voice breaks through the phone.

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me!” Christina shouts a little unnecessarily.

“I- how did you hear me?” I ask, furrowing my brows. “Am I on speaker?”

There’s a long pause in which I know that I must be on speaker, especially as a voice that sounds mysteriously like Kim Seokjin shouts “Yeah you are we wanted to know what you sound like!” There’s a muffled grunt in which I can imagine someone giving him a firm elbow to the ribs.

“Hang on, let me step outside-” Christina’s suggestion is met with a load of whining, but she must ignore them because a second later all is silent save for the sound of wind. “There. I needed to get out of there- I’m freaking out. I’m so dying right now.”

“I’m sure you’re rattled, you were literally just tailed! How did you lose them?”

“Oh, yeah. That sucked, but I was talking about the fact that I literally just met BTS. I don’t want to spoil anything for you, but Park Jimin is so much more handsome in person. I couldn’t hardly think straight in there-”

“Yeah, yeah,” I groan, burying my face in my hands. “Save it for later. I was a mess over here, thinking you’d died or something. Can you please explain what went on?”

Once she subsides in her giggling - and I get over the strange butterflies that have somehow come to life in my stomach - Christina gets to the point.

“Right...well, we’d only made it a couple of blocks before Sumni noticed that someone was following us. She’s been trained to pick up on that kind of stuff, you know. She said that they’d been hiding out near your apartment earlier, and that it looked like they’d been waiting the entire time while we’d been inside.”

“So how’d you lose them?”

“She drove straight toward the Bighit building and contacted the security there. By the time the people tracking us knew that she was leading them into a trap, it was too late. They got pulled over, security took them over to the police department a little while ago.”

I shiver thinking about them lurking outside of my apartment, waiting for an opportunity to strike.

“And...why didn’t you answer my calls, then? I seriously was about to go running around Seoul looking for you.”

Christina barks a laugh. “That’d be a sight to see. We were told to power off our phones, they’re being looked at right now to make sure they weren’t able to somehow get a way to track us through there. We should get them back pretty soon.”

Taking a seat and then slinking down to sprawl out on the couch, I sight at the ceiling. My eyes well up tears of relief, but I close my eyes to stop them from escaping. “I’m happy you’re safe.”

“Me too. The boys were already at the Bighit building, you should’ve seen Jimin. He was-” Christina lowers her voice as though suddenly realizing that she’s not that far from the man in question, “You know how the boys say that he can be really scary when he’s angry?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, I believe them now. I think it was a good thing security took those people away before he could see them. He probably would have killed them, he looked so pissed off.”

I snort out a laugh, throwing my hand over my mouth. “Let me guess, that only made him more attractive to you?”

“You know what, it totally did.”

It feels good to laugh after the stress of the day, so I let it out. Giggling up a storm with Christina who admits that she may be wavering in her undying devotion for Jimin simply because of the fact that Taehyung offered her a glass of lemonade.

“Oh, oh! He’s looking at me- oh. He’s telling me to come back inside.” I let out another guffaw at Christina’s massive crush on Taehyung. “Hey, I have to turn you back over to your soulmate now, but I’ll let you know when I get my phone back. Ok?”

“Ok,” I mumble, suddenly going quiet. There’s some static as the phone is exchanged, and suddenly Jimin’s speaking to me.

“Hey...you doing ok?”

I blink, taken aback by his question. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Then, when he doesn’t respond, “Are you...alright?”

From the way the voices in the background are fading, Jimin must be moving away to find a more private location. Indeed, I again hear Seokjin’s teasing voice in the background however it’s too muffled to understand.

“Yeah. All good over here.” I hear a door click shut. “There’s something I need to talk to you about, though. About everything that happened today. You might not like it, but...well, it’s for your own safety.”

This has me sitting up straight, bracing for whatever it is he’s about to say. “Ok…”

“We need you to stay inside, don’t leave your house. Just for a couple of days, maximum. We don’t know if these people had more that were trying to track you, and until we can round them all up…”

I stare blankly at the wall in front of me. Stay here? No work?

Honestly, it doesn’t sound that bad.

Except for one little thing.

“...Jolie?”

“I...I’m not sure, Jimin.”

“I know. I know, and I’m sorry,” it makes it so much worse, because I can hear just how sorry he is. “But please, just for a few days. We need- I need you safe.”

How can I say no to that?

“Alright.”

“You’ll do it? I’ll have groceries delivered, just text me what you need-”

“I’m pretty sure I can pay for my groceries, Jimin,” I say with a strained smile, eyeing the calendar on the wall and the circled date just a couple of days from now. Hopefully all of this will blow over by then. “Don’t worry.”

“Honestly, if you don’t send me a grocery list I’ll just end up sending random food to your apartment. So take your pick, I guess.”

Rolling my eyes fondly, I give an over exaggerated sigh. “Fine. I’ll compile a list.”

✂

The girls get their phones back not long after I finish my conversation with Jimin. Sunmi is quick to send me a play by play of Christina’s growing crush, which helps to ease the worry growing in the pit of my stomach.

The next morning there’s a pile of groceries waiting outside on my doorstep, making me smile softly. Jimin had clearly added a few items to my small list, because I don’t remember requesting a bag of chocolates or a bag of Doritos. Either way, I’ll take it.

There isn’t a whole lot to do with my day off, other than find a new show to watch and different ways to annoy Elle. Jimin texts me throughout the day, and I find myself itching to call him.

If only to just hear his voice for a moment.

However, as my fingers hover over the call button, I find myself hesitating. It scares me just how quickly I want to interact with him. After all that I did to distance myself from him, I’ve been reduced to an insatiable fangirl after a bouquet of flowers and some slipped chocolates.

Staring at my phone, I try my best to control my breathing. Then I send off a message.

Me: Ok, help. I’m freaking out.

Christina is quick to respond.

Christina 🍯: hahahahaha

Me: what.

Me: I come to you for help and I get laughed at? 😡

Christina 🍯: no, it’s just...when are you not freaking out?

Christina 🍯: think about it

Christina 🍯: you always are lol

Me: Ok. Not helping. Remember, I came to you for help?

Christina 🍯: right right, what’s up

Me: I think this is all happening too fast

Christina 🍯: I’m assuming this is about Park Jimin?? Who, might I add, looked fiiiine in his sweats yesterday

Me: QUIT IT

Me: I’M GROWING WEAK

Christina 🍯: are you feeling things?!! 😱

Me: YES OK I AM PLS HELP

Christina 🍯: I don’t see why you need help…?

Christina 🍯: isn’t this a good thing?

Me: is it?

Christina 🍯: ...yes.

Christina 🍯: what brought this on?

Me: I want to call him.

Christina 🍯: ….

Me: We just talked last night.

Christina 🍯: ….

Me: well, isn’t it all a bit much? I mean, I literally was trying to be completely separated from him just a few weeks ago and now I’m suddenly having to remind myself that I don’t need to constantly talk to him! Isn’t that like a bit...idk, a bit sketchy??

Christina 🍯: no.

Christina 🍯: idk if you remember this, but he’s your soulmate. And sometimes when people start to meet their soulmates, they want to talk all the time.

Me: isn’t it going to annoy him? I mean, I already kinda feel like a pity case…

Christina 🍯: first off, no. you’re not a pity case, so stop thinking that. If anyone’s a pity case, it’s me because I was invited to lunch today with Chung-hei nd the boys and I’m gonna ride this out for as long as possible

Christina 🍯: if I could sneak you a picture of Tae without looking like a creep, I totally would 😰

Me: ok, I don’t know how to respond to that lolll

Me: have fun at lunch though!!! Don’t drool or anything

Christina 🍯: yeah, let’s move past that 😂

Christina 🍯: just, call him. Honestly, he’s been checking his phone constantly anyways. And, don’t you think he deserves it? Call him. You know I don’t mean this in a rude way but...he’s done everything in this weird relationship-that’s-not-a-relationship so far. Time for you to return the favor.

✂

“...Jimin?”

Jimin blinks, looking around the table until his eyes land on who was just calling his name. Chung-hei smiles at him from her spot beside Namjoon.

“Yes?”

It’s when everyone starts to giggle that he realizes he must have missed something.

“How’re you doing over there?” Chung-hei asks. Jimin frowns.

“...good. How are you?”

Namjoon places his arm on the back of Chung-hei’s chair, and Jimin notices the way her cheeks automatically redden.

“You seem a little distracted today,” Namjoon croons. “That’s all.”

Looking around at everyone’s amused faces, Jimin notices one face that isn’t looking in his direction.

Christina is smiling slightly at her phone, fingers flying across the screen as she texts out a message.

“Christina’s distracted too!” Jimin points to the girl like a kindergartener, a sly smile on his face when she looks up at him with raised brows.

“Hey, it’s for a good reason,” she says.

“Oh?” Taehyung leans forward, resting his chin in his hand. “And what would that be?”

Everyone notices the way Christina looks at Taehyung before quickly looking away, as though looking at him for too long could burn her. Like a moth to a candle, though, she can’t quite stay away.

“His soulmate,” she finally says, pointing an accusing finger right back at him. “I’m helping her through an existential crisis or something.”

Jimin automatically scoots forward, concern written across his face. “What’s going on? Does she need something?”

Christina snorts as a text - a text from Jolie, apparently - comes through on her phone. “No. She’s fine. Just needs to get out of her head. I suspect that sitting cooped up in the house isn’t helping.”

Ah.

It had hurt to have to order her to stay home, he knew how much that could hurt. Sure, some people might not have a problem with it. But something told him that there were only so many distractions in Jolie’s small apartment that could keep her entertained. Hopefully it would all be over soon.

And then what?

That was the question that had been plaguing him today. How long would he be forced to run this same track over and over again? How long until they were both ready to face each other?

They were going to face each other, right?

Christina sits back in her chair with a satisfied sigh, looking quite pleased with herself.

“What are you so happy about?” Jimin asks, leaning back and crossing his arms. Christina merely looks at him and then down at his phone which sits atop the table.

Just like magic, it begins to ring.

“O-oh, uh…” Jimin scrambles to his feet, nearly tipping over his water in the process. Grabbing his phone, he looks for the quickest exit.

“Why don’t you just stay in here?” Jin asks, ever the prying one. “We can all chat.”

Jimin pays him no mind, heading straight for the door and bringing the phone to his ear. “Hey, what’s up?” He prays he sounds nonchalant.

“Aish, he’s already so over-protective,” Hobi calls out loud enough for Jolie to hear on the other side of the phone.

“Hyung! At least wait until I’m out of the room!” Jimin shouts back, finally slipping out into the hallway. Jolie’s laugh is enough to make him smile.

“Sounds like you’re having fun,” she teases.

Jimin sighs, leaning his head back against the wall. “So much. How are you? Have you gone stir-crazy yet?”

There’s a moment’s silence. “Yes. Definitely. I think by about eight o’clock this morning, actually.”

“Ugh, I’m sorry.”

“Nah, it’s fine.”

Another moment of silence, in which Jimin scrambles for something - anything to say in order to keep her on the phone.

“Did you, uh, get the groceries?” It’s a pointless question; he was notified this morning when they were dropped off.

“Oh! I did! And I saw some chocolate…? And Doritos. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

Jimin grins. “Nope. No clue.”

“Huh. Interesting. I could have sworn you’d added them in there. What are you trying to do, make me fall in love with you or something?”

Of course, the answer is yes. Can he say that, though?

Aren’t they supposed to be taking this slow? Why did nobody tell him that it would be this hard to do something so simple?

“Sorry...was that awkward?”

Jimin starts at the sound of Jolie’s voice, realizing that he never responded. “Er, no. Sorry, I was just thinking.” He chuckles awkwardly. “Is chocolate all it takes, then?”

He swears he can hear a gasp on the other side of the phone, but then again that may just be wishful thinking.

Either way, he temporarily throws caution to the wind. He knows he’s toeing the line, but he can’t find it in himself to back off. Not when he can hear Jolie’s soft laugh on the other side of the phone and wonders if she’s wearing that same smile he saw for a fraction of a second all those weeks ago.

“Well, it’s a good start. Obviously the chips were a bonus.”

“Ah, yeah. I thought those might be a nice touch.” He pauses. “Hey, are your flowers still doing good? Or are they dead?”

“I feel like I’m in danger of receiving more flowers if these ones are dead,” Jolie muses.

“Danger? Really?”

“You know you don’t have to keep me in constant supply of flowers, right? Besides, I’m planning on drying the ones I have now.”

“Consider it a present for making you stay inside for so long.”

Jolie hums on the other side, and Jimin finds himself nodding along to the sound. “About that...any updates? Do I have any more stalkers?”

Jimin shivers at the thought. He’s dealt with his fair share of stalkers over the years, he’s had quite enough of them. “Nothing yet, but we should know more by tonight at the latest. I’ll be sure to call you as soon as I know.”

It’s quiet on the other side, but Jimin allows some time for the quiet to settle. When he doesn’t get a response back for a while, he quietly speaks.

“Hey, you alright over there?”

There’s a long sigh, one that he thinks he wasn’t supposed to hear. “Mm? Oh, yeah. All good. You good?”

Jimin smiles. “All good.”

✂

House arrest doesn’t suit me. It’s going on day three, and I’ve found that the thrill of television isn’t what it used to be. Especially not as the pile of empty chocolate wrappers grow.

I told Jimin as much last night before I went to bed. I also accused him of trying to make me gain weight. He only cackled and told me he’d send over healthier foods in the morning.

I should have known it sounded too good to be true. This morning I checked my porch to see a suspicious grocery bag with bananas and apples on the top. Upon further inspection I found that the fruit was only a cover for what lay underneath.

Two more bags of assorted chocolates.

Oh, and a note that Jimin must have added for the deliverer which was left on the bag. It simply said: delivery request: please hide chocolate under the fruit.

“I can’t believe it.”

“Wow, so are we past saying hello when we call? I don’t know how I feel about that.”

I try to ignore how easy - how right - it feels to just grab my phone and call Jimin up. There are still a fair amount of nerves going into it, but over the past few days we’ve grown accustomed to it.

“You sent me more chocolate!”

“Buuut I countered it with fruit. Isn’t that good?”

I roll my eyes. “Sure, but the fact that you’re forcing me to practice self-restraint is absolutely horrible.

“Ah, I see. So next time I should just send the apples?”

“No…”

I find a comfortable spot on the couch, staring at the calendar before me. Staring at the date, with a little circle around it.

Nothing to celebrate today. But certainly something to remember.

Jimin’s rambling - he rambles, I’ve come to learn this - about his day and how they have an interview coming up this weekend, however I find that I’m struggling to listen. Especially as the calendar grows larger and larger in my eyes.

I wait until it’s dark to slip out.

With my pre-ordered train ticket shining on my phone, I keep my head down and my hood up as I rush to the station. At this time of night on a weekday, there aren’t nearly as many people about. That being said, it’s still Seoul. There are still plenty of people on the sidewalks, and I can only pray that they don’t notice my lack of a red thread amidst the sea of threads adorning the roads.

Thankfully, I make it to the station without much of an issue. It isn’t long before I’m settled and holding the dried hydrangeas close to my chest.

It isn’t a long ride to my hometown, only about twenty minutes by train. Throughout the entire time I remain on high alert, knowing that if I somehow wind up in trouble that Bighit may very well murder me in my sleep.

I watch as the train rolls to a stop at my destination, and I hurry off before anyone can notice me. Once I’m outside, I let out a sigh of relief.

It’s been too long.

One year, actually.

The cemetery isn’t far from the station, and I don’t dare risk a taxi. So, with my flowers still in hand, I begin my silent pilgrimage.

✂

Not much has changed here. I peeked the same family that runs the sweet shop I used to adore, constantly begging for just enough won for some sweets. The streets even look the same, only a few small changes here and there.

It’s the fact that this was my home but that I don’t quite belong here anymore that makes my feet all the heavier. When the cemetery finally comes into view, I take a deep breath and trudge onward.

Coming to a stop before a small tombstone, I groan and kneel before it. It was a longer walk than I remembered.

“Hey Mom,” I whisper, taking care to gently separate the bouquet in half and lay some flowers on either side. “Dad.” Once the flowers are in their proper places, I lean back on my hands.

“I’m not really supposed to be outside right now...but, I promised I’d visit every year, didn’t I?” I look expectantly at the tombstone, but receive no answer. The stone is cold and unwavering, but I find that I don’t mind. The moon is bright and full, shining down enough light to see clearly. “Well, I’m here. I would have brought you some fresh flowers but...well, things are a little complicated right now.”

Inhaling deeply, I chew on my bottom lip before exhaling. As I do, my vision blurs a bit with unshed tears. Finally, bringing my left hand forward, I look down at the severed thread.

“Mom, you wouldn’t know who he is, but I met my soulmate. Well, not officially, I guess. That’s where things get complicated. But I’m trying to fix it.” Looking heavenward, I watch the stars winking down at me. “Dad, you’ll know him. His name is Park Jimin.”

✂

“What do you mean she’s not home?”

Jimin is currently pacing in the living room, listening to Sunmi’s voice on speaker. The others sit in various spaces around the room, each mirroring a look of concern.

Sunmi had been cleared to head over to Jolie’s, which Jimin had deemed a tender mercy. He felt horrible for her, knowing that she was probably going crazy. So, Sunmi had gone over to surprise her.

Except there was one little problem.

“I’m telling you, she’s not here,” Sunmi responds, struggling to maintain her composure. “I got here about ten minutes ago and knocked, but all the lights were off and it looked like nobody was home. Nobody’s answering. She’s not here, and she won’t answer her phone.”

Jimin looks around the room in horror. Automatically his mind conjures up the worst-possible scenarios. “Where would she go? There’s no sign of a break-in, right?”

Chung-hei frowns on the other side of the room, pulling her phone out. “I’ll check her location right now,” she reassures.

“No, everything looks normal. Should I ask around? See if anyone’s seen her?”

“No, not yet. That will only raise suspicion.” Jimin says, watching with bated breath and Chung-hei tries to locate his soulmate.

When Chung-hei’s expression changes from confused worry to stunned understanding, Jimin isn’t sure how to react.

“What is it?” He asks, impatient.

“I didn’t realize,” Chung-hei mumbles. “What’s the date today?” She answers the question herself, confirming it. “She’s back home.”

“What do you mean? Sunmi just said-”

“No, not that home.” Chung-hei flips the phone around to show him. “It’s been a year. And she promised him she’d visit every year.”

It takes a moment for Jimin to process the information, already thinking about how quickly he can convince someone to tail him while he drives out to Jolie. She can get in the other car to return, obviously so she doesn’t have to see him-

“One year.” Jimin blinks, suddenly remembering what Jolie mentioned in her letter. “It’s the anniversary of her father’s passing.”

Chung-hei’s solemn nod is answer enough.

Jimin stumbles back to sit in the nearest chair, rubbing his hands over his face. “I need to go out there-”

“No, you know you can’t do that,” Namjoon immediately rejects.

“I wasn’t asking for your permission.”

Namjoon grinds his jaw, glancing at Chung-hei as the two share a silent conversation. When Namjoon’s shoulders relax, Jimin finds himself hoping. There’s no way he can leave Jolie to go through this alone.

“Bang Sihyuk will kill us if he finds out,” Namjoon begins.

“I don’t care-”

“I do.” Namjoon sighs. “So don’t get caught.”

Jimin blinks. “What?”

Namjoon shrugs, looking around the room. “Don’t get caught. Make it look like you snuck out.”

Leaping to his feet, Jimin hardly has time to grab his jacket before he’s flying out the door. “Send me the location!” He shouts out before the door closes.

He doesn’t know what possesses him as he sprints down the street, but he’s reminded of the last time he went running toward his soulmate.

This time, he knows that he’s been through the heartbreak. Surely he’s been through the worst of it. Now, all that’s on his mind is the fact that his soulmate is alone and she shouldn’t be.

He’s tired of being alone.

It’s been years since Jimin last took the train, but Chung-hei explains in her text containing Jolie’s location that it might be his best bet.

Without a second thought, Jimin boards the train and heads toward his soulmate.

✂

My eyelids are drooping, but the walk back to the train station seems daunting. “I need to get going,” I mumble.

My voice is a little hoarse from all the talking I’ve done over the past hour. Even in death, my parents can’t escape my rambling.

Not that I think they mind.

I rise to my feet, taking one last look at the flowers that my soulmate gifted me before leaving them there on the tombstone.

“Goodnight, Mom and Dad.”

Despite my exhaustion, I remember to walk briskly back toward the gas station. I keep my head down with my hands in my pocket.

My heart feels a little heavy tonight. I shoot a melancholy smile toward the stars, who act as my solitary companion tonight. I can’t shake the feeling that I would really rather not be alone tonight.

Nobody deserves to mourn alone.

My fingers itch to call Jimin or Christina or anybody, but I put it off. I had my phone on silent, and the last thing I needed was bringing attention to myself by talking loud enough for everyone to hear. If Jimin found out that I was out here…

He’d probably stop sending me chocolates. At the very least.

Yes, it would be best to wait until I’m home and in the warmth of my bed before calling him.

Like a dream, my feet carry me toward the train station. It’s downhill for the most part, making it easier than I thought it would be. A tender mercy, I suppose, for a day like today.

Thankfully, it’s late enough now that the station is empty for the most part. Only a few stragglers wander about, all of which are too tired to pay me any mind. However, as I near the ticket booth, I feel it.

Almost like something pulling on my thread. It’s a similar feeling to what I felt as the thread had been cut, but there’s no reason for it to be acting up again.

“That’ll be 26,000 won,” the person on the other side of the booth drawls, looking for all the world like they’d rather walk across hot coals then have to spend another moment here.

“Oh, right.” I pull the money from my wallet, sliding it under the little window. “Sorry about that, I got distracted-”

“Here ya go,” they interrupt, clearly not very interested in what was distracting me. All the better, I suppose.

Thanking them, I pocket the ticket and make my way to a bench before the platform. The train should be here in about fifteen minutes.

But there’s that annoying tug again, nearly pulling my hand off my lap. I frown down at the thread, too tired to put that much thought into it. I’ll have to ask Christina if she’s ever known a thread to act up.

There’s a cold draft in the station, one that only gets worse as an incoming train pulls up and comes to a stop. I keep my head down as the doors open and people begin to file out.

At least, I try to until I’m practically thrown off my seat as my thread pushes and pulls at me. It’s starting to cause a scene, so I hurry off to the side and half-hide behind a pillar. Hopefully nobody will question why I gave up my perfectly nice seat.

Burying my hand in my pocket, I look around to make sure nobody is coming my way when my eyes catch on something- or rather, a lack of something.

Someone walks off the train, however the typical red thread doesn’t accompany them.

That’s not the only thing that alarms me. It’s the fact that I know them.

Park Jimin glides off of the train and looks around, trying to deduce which exit to take. He pulls his phone out to look at something when he drops it due to a sudden jolt.

I watch, utterly paralyzed as he stumbles forward. Almost as though pulled by some invisible thread.

His eyes are wide and he’s practically buried under the large, puffy jacket he wears. It’s brown, to match his brown hair, which is ridiculously ruffled. He’s chewing on the inside of his lips as he lifts his head to look around yet again.

From across the station, our eyes meet. Slowly, so slowly it burns, I see the recognition register in his eyes as he trails from my face down to my left hand and back up to my eyes again.

Jimin freezes, and I realize that it isn’t because he’s afraid or nervous.

This is my choice to make. Even now, after all that’s happened, he still allows me to choose.

So, with a tentative step forward quickly followed by another, I choose him.

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