#i find myself singing this at least once a week | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cherriegyuu · 8 months

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midnight rain | lsm

pairing: seokmin x f!reader genre: angst, smut, a little bit of fluff word count: 17k summary: after seven years away, you finally return home. meeting seokmin again wasn't in your plans, but life wasn't willing to let you have it your way. warnings: minors do not interact, kissing, oral, swearing, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (don't do this) a/n: this is part of 1k event, it was requested the dearest @ressonancee. but also, it's part of svt ans songs from midnights. i just wrote two in one and something that was supposed to be short became this monster. i hope i wrote seokmin in a way you'll like it. prompt: “I don’t want anyone else. No one else can make me feel like you do." Seokmin ➝ Midnight Rain He was sunshine, I was midnight rain ↳ it was the oldest story in the world, the bright boy fell for the grumpy girl.

Letter #1

Seokmin,

You know, I've always been very proud of not being a very attached person. I've always been proud that I can put myself first and second, because I know I need to do it, because I know that no one else will do it for me. So, when I came here and dropped everything I had, I thought it would be a lot easier than it actually is.

When I turn around in bed at night, after days of trying to get used to the time zone and weeks to the weather and the people here — which are both bad and for completely different reasons, nothing is like in the movies — I always hope to find you there by my side and being able to snuggle up to you like I always did. I wake up in the morning and make enough coffee for two people and take two mugs out of the cupboard, and only then do I realize I'm alone here. I don't need two mugs and I made too much coffee. Sometimes, in the middle of the day, I find myself typing your number, which I have memorized despite the fact that no one remembers phone numbers, because phones exist for a reason.

You have no idea how much I miss you and what I would do to be able to hear your voice again. I would do anything, I swear I could. But I know I no longer have that right. I know that what I did is unforgivable and although I want your forgiveness, I hope you never forget what I did to you.

You were still good to me on the last day. You took me to the airport, you said goodbye to me, you hugged me tight like you know I like it and you did your best not to shed a tear in front of me.

Every now and then I catch myself thinking that I messed up. I could have done my master's where we graduated, I didn't need to move to the other side of the world and leave the life I knew behind. But at the same time, I accept it. Coming here was my dream, it was always what I dreamed of even when you were by my side as well. And maybe that's why I never told you about the application, about being approved. Maybe I waited until the end, until the very last second to tell you because I knew you were the only one capable of changing my mind.

When I was by your side, I started to dream of a different life, a life that had you at all times and in all aspects. But, as you may have already noticed, I chose my first dream.

I know I won't regret it. I can't afford to regret it. You’ll become who you always wanted to be and I’ll be there to give you a standing ovation. Not there, next to you, but from afar.

“That was Sunday Morning, by Hong Joshua. Ah, whenever I hear this song I remember my college days. I've said this here a few times, and I think I sound like a broken record by this point, but Joshua and I went to the same college and he was always singing this song in the hallways. Any small gathering between friends he would pull out the guitar and sing. So I'm sorry, but you're going to have to listen to this song at least once a week for the next year. Or until he releases the next one.”

Seokmin looked at the monitor to his right as a pre-recorded commercial for the next show started. The comments were going up too quickly, which made reading them an almost impossible mission.

On the other side of the glass, Chan made a sign indicating that the commercial was over. Seokmin looked at his friend as he lowered one finger after another and finally pointed at him. Chan placed a sheet of paper, which was always used, against the glass, which said “last, chat”. Indicating that he still had one more question to answer.

“We have time for one more question” Seokmin said, opening the internal chat he used with the other radio employees and read the question that Chan had sent “I ended a relationship of almost four years a few months ago, but I still can't understand what happened. I haven't even returned his things yet. How do I get in touch saying I want to return it?”

Seokmin swallowed. He knew that Chan hadn't done it on purpose, that he had no way of knowing everything that had happened between him and you, but he hated how much the question resonated in his head. It was a feeling he shared and for him it had been a little worse because you lived together during your last year of college. So when he entered the house and saw all the furniture, the decorations, your clothes still in the closet, it was like entering a time machine. In that 30 square meter space, for a few minutes, you still hadn't left.

He took a deep breath, away from the microphone so the sound wouldn't be picked, and leaned forward.

“It's a difficult question, really. If it's been a few months and he still hasn't picked his things up, it's because he doesn't need them, so I don't think you should bother contacting him. Hmmm”

He bit his lip and rested his elbows on the table, thinking if he should continue talking or if it would be better to stop there. Seokmin always thought it was better not to let personal feelings show on the radio, but he had moments when he couldn't follow his own rules.

“I can tell you from experience that sometimes silence is better. Because if you know the truth, it could hurt you even more. When I was in a similar situation, after a while I simply discarded the person's belongings. At first, it will be difficult, because you’ll see that shirt you gave as a gift, that letter you wrote and remember what it meant, the moment you gave those things to him. But little by little you will achieve it. Don't feel obligated to just move on when you're not ready. People will always tell you that it's about time, that it's been so many weeks or months. You’re the one who knows about your feelings.”

Chan knocked on the glass again, almost desperate because Seokmin's answer had been too long. It wasn't the first time he had gotten lost in what he was saying and maybe had been talking in circles. It always happened that he remembered you when he answered a question.

And in that specific question he was being a hypocrite because he knew that if he opened his closet, deep inside it, he would find at least two boxes full of your things hidden. He rarely went near those boxes, he liked to pretend they didn't exist and most days he managed to achieve that thought. But there were other days…

“So we come to the end of another Cupid's Corner with Minnie. See you again next week. Cupid’s Corner with Minnie: Unveiling Love’s Melody, One Relationship at a Time!”

Seokmin removed his headphones, stood up, and waved at the cameras he knew were pointed at him. He grabbed his phone and the bottle of water he always carried with him. The red light above the door finally went out and Seokmin left the studio.

Immediately, Chan appeared beside him. He had just gone blond, and it strangely suited him.

He knew the youngest was desperate, not that he was doing a good job of hiding it. The disheveled hair, pointing in all directions, also helped a lot.

“You’re going to have a heart attack if you continue like this” Seokmin said laughing.

Chan was the newest employee, handpicked by Seokmin a few months before. Seokmin needed someone to help him organize the broadcasts after his previous assistant quit because she had gotten a job in the field she had studied. Seokmin even talked to her and offered a higher salary that would come out of his own pocket, but nothing seemed to help. Not that he blamed her, in her place he would have done the same thing. But in the position he was in, changes made him uncomfortable so he did what he could to make sure everything stayed the same.

Maybe it was trauma.

“It’s because they yell at me, not you.”

One of the reasons Seokmin chose Chan as his new assistant was his sincerity. In the middle of the interview he “I think there are things in your program that need to change” and started listing things that he thought were dated or ideas that had been used too much and therefore didn't have the same effect on listeners. The others had found him presumptuous as if he wanted to know more than those who worked at the radio. Seokmin disagreed and that's how Chan got the job.

“They yell at you because you’re the new guy, no one yelled at Jiah”

Chan made a sound in the back of his throat, like a scoff.

“That's because everyone was afraid of her” Seokmin rolled his eyes and reached for the folder Chan was carrying “Oh, right. Tomorrow is your lecture for the communication classes, but they said it is possible that students from other courses will also be there, because it’llll be in the auditorium”

Seokmin nodded, reading the guidelines Chan had made. He needed to admit that he was organized and had absolute control over everything he did. He was sure that if he asked about Wonwoo's program, Chan would know how to answer as if he worked directly with him.

“You know how it is, I have fans” Chan pretended to vomit “If you go tomorrow, we’ll go out to dinner later, I’ll pay”

"Deal"

Seokmin always found it strange to be called to give lectures at the college where he studied. He wasn't a teacher and he didn't think he had done enough to be someone who could give advice to someone. In fact, Seokmin was sure he hadn't done anything big. His life, to put it very simply, was flat. At least, almost all of his life.

Seokmin has always been the type of guy who makes plans and follows through on those plans. When he was sixteen he got it into his head that he wanted to work in radio. It wasn't without reasons, of course. He joined the school radio and despite doing very little, because the school director had to know everything that would be done, even the nouns he would use in the sentence, he fell in love with the idea. That's why he decided he should study journalism in college, that way even if his radio career didn't work out, he would still have a profession.

But his dream was to work on a radio, to have his own program. So that's what he did.

He entered college as planned, sunk into student debt, and graduated exactly as he had planned. In his last semester, he got an internship at the biggest radio station in the country. He was on cloud nine. It was as if he had received the green light in life and everything was on the right track.

At least that's what he thought. At least that was what he had forced himself to believe. The internship became a permanent position and one day he just happened to be in the right place at the right time. That's why he never felt prepared to give anyone advice. Despite having decided on the career he wanted to pursue, he knew that he also needed to count on a little luck and help. The only words he could offer were “you work hard, study, make contacts, and throw the rest into luck’s hands”. It wasn't the kind of thing he wanted to hear when he was a student looking forward to the future, so he certainly wouldn't say it to anyone.

However, Chan convinced him that it would be a good idea to give the talk.

“You’re going to tell me how you got here, that’s all. An unknown face who quickly went on air to cover someone for one of the most beloved radio broadcasters in the country. I'm sure if you say that shit fell on your head, they'll like it” Chan had said laughing.

Overall the lecture went very well. Better than expected. He answered the questions as honestly as possible and used his best smile to get rid of the more awkward questions.

Despite the good day, he knew he didn't want to repeat the dose anytime soon.

“They want to know if you would be willing to do one of these a semester” Chan whispered because he knew the answer Seokmin would give, so it was better for the students not to hear.

“No” was all Seokmin said “But I’ll still buy you dinner”

Chan punched the air in celebration, catching the eyes of those around him, but he seemed to care very little.

"I just…"

What Seokmin was about to say, an announcement that he needed to go to the bathroom, died in his throat as he looked straight ahead.

Letter #2

Seokmin,

I thought I would be able to adapt faster here. It was very hard in the beginning with transport, getting around in general was very difficult. So I chose a weekend and went walking around the neighborhood where I live. I don't know how long I'll stay here, but I thought I should check it out. Besides, I can wake up in the middle of the night and decide that I want to eat something that I don't have at home, so it's good to know if there are any stores or markets that open in the middle of the night (in this neighborhood there aren't any, maybe that's why I won’t stay here).

I discovered that going out there, although productive, wasn't such a good idea. Nothing wrong happened, I didn't get hit on or someone was rude to me. Quite the contrary, most people pretended they weren't even seeing me. The problem was that everything made me think about you.

I walked by the store that sold a lot of random old things and decided to go in. You know I love filling the house with trinkets. I didn't find anything there that I liked, but I saw that they were selling camera films. For a moment I forgot everything that had happened and all I could think was, I think Seokmin is running out of film, I need to buy more because he will only realize when he doesn't have any left.

I bought it and brought it to the apartment. I opened the door and called your name. It was only later, when I noticed where I was, that it wasn't our apartment, that I realized what I had done.

Even without meaning to, even when I try not to, I find myself looking for you. Everywhere. I go to a restaurant and think about what you would like to eat, I see a dog on the street and I imagine you bending down to pet it. It's not on purpose, I just can't help it. I try, but it's in vain.

I wonder if it will pass. Will this feeling that I succeeded in my career but ruined my personal life disappear or will I feel like this forever — or at least for a good few years?

yn.

It was as if all the air had been ripped from your lungs and there was no way in the world to get you to breathe.

Somehow, some way, Seokmin was standing in front of you, in the middle of the college hallway.

For a moment it was as if you had been transported back in time, to when you were still 22 years old. In another moment you would have simply run up to him and thrown yourself into his arms as if you hadn't spent the whole night clinging to him, as if you hadn't seen each other before classes, as if you hadn't shared the smallest space in the world on the subway for 20 minutes. And your body seemed to remember all of this, like some kind of muscle memory, because you felt like you were being projected forward. Towards him.

You thought Seokmin would talk to you, you were sure he would. But you saw the way his gaze changed, the way it went from complete surprise to a hard look, completely different from anything you had ever seen from him.

In your memory, Seokmin was always brilliant and was always willing to welcome everyone with open arms, even when he felt more shy. You didn’t understand, that look he gave you was completely different from what you imagined could happen.

When you made the decision to return, you knew that there was a possibility of meeting Seokmin, no matter how small it was. You didn't know if he was still friends with the same people, if he still kept in touch with them. You certainly hadn't kept in touch with anyone - except for the two times you talked to Joshua. The possibility existed, but being realistic you knew it was as big as winning the lottery.

Of all the places you thought you could find Seokmin, college was the last one and maybe that was even why you accepted the job. When you were taking the last tests, the ones that would say whether you would graduate at the end of the semester or not, Seokmin was categorical in saying that he would never set foot inside college again. So you thought it was a place he would never go, but there he was. And in your first week, when you needed everything to go well. Not to show that you were ready and that you could do the job, but to reassure yourself that you had made the right choice in accepting the job.

You didn't have time to decide whether to talk to him or not. Seokmin made the decision for both of you. He continued walking as if you weren't there, talking to the boy next to him, laughing. The only indication that he knew who you were was silent once and one that only you could distinguish.

He turned around and left as if nothing had happened.

Was it possible that only you had felt that way? That just your heart had decided it didn't know how to beat, as if a storm was raging inside your body?

You didn't have time to analyze what had just happened. You just forced yourself to take a deep breath and also keep walking as if those brief seconds weren't enough to make your entire world turn completely upside down.

Seokmin dragged his feet into the room, tripping over the rug at the foot of the bed. A curse came out of his mouth, followed by a burp. When he invited Chan to dinner he had no intention of ending the night drunk, being carried home like someone who had just had his first drink.

It had been years since he had gotten that bad and it was comical that the previous occasion was also connected to you.

The memory of leaving you at the airport, on a flight in the middle of the night, was still vivid in Seokmin's mind. Worse than that memory, was the one of you telling him that you had gotten a place in a master's degree on the other side of the world, 18 hours before leaving the country.

“I need to tell you something” you said as he pulled his coat over his head and patted his pockets, making sure he had grabbed his keys, wallet, and phone. He needed to leave as quickly as possible, he was already late.

Seokmin had plans to ask you to marry him. He had rented a house where you could spend the weekend, where it would be possible to see the stars. He had prepared himself, but he needed to leave right that second so he would have enough time to go to the house, get everything ready and come back to get you. The owner of the house would help him, since Seokmin decided that he wouldn't tell any of his friends because they might just ruin the surprise.

“I'm already late” he said, quickly looking at his watch. "Did something happen?"

He asked, noticing your already somewhat desperate look. He knew that whatever had happened couldn't be good.

To be honest, he had noticed that something was wrong a few weeks before, and for a while, he decided it would be better not to get into it too much. He knew you well enough to know that you would offer the information when you felt ready to do so. But thinking back on everything, he wished he had asked before, he wished he hadn't given you space, he wished he had forced you to talk to him sooner.

“I passed my master’s degree abroad”

Seokmin’s first reaction was to be happy for you. He knew how much you wanted that, that it was your dream. So he did what any boyfriend would do, he hugged you and congratulated you, told you that you had tried so hard and that they would be idiots not to accept you. The feeling was true and his smile was genuine. He was happy for you.

Knowing what he knew, every now and then Seokmin wondered if he would have done anything differently if he knew what the next words would be out of your mouth. He could have made a fuss, he could have begged you to stay, he could have offered to go with you. But at the time he didn't do any of that.

“I’m leaving today, I need to be at the airport at 11 pm”

Seokmin's ears rang deafeningly. It was as if he had been punched and needed to brace himself against something. The sofa was the closest piece of furniture.

He thought he heard it wrong, he wished he was dreaming, but all he had to do was look at you. It was true. It was as if a puzzle was being completed in Seokmin's mind. The way you had suddenly become distant, how every time he entered the room you hurried to change or close whatever you were looking at on the computer. He didn't even know you signed up. He imagined that you must have done some kind of test, some interview and he didn't even know anything about it.

He had no idea.

Had he been a bad boyfriend, someone who was so focused on making the long-awaited proposal that he had ignored everything else? Or had you hidden it so well that he hadn't noticed?

"What? You’re leaving today?"

It was like the world was spinning too fast and he was trying to keep up with what was happening. It was like being on a roller coaster that kept on falling. He remembered well how the little box with the ring he had carefully chosen weighed in his pocket.

“I didn’t even know you had applied for a position” he whispered, almost just to himself “You didn’t tell me”

And it was at that exact moment, when he looked at you, that Seokmin realized that your relationship was over. You avoided looking at him, your hands were buried deep in the pockets of your coat, which was his. He saw your eyes fill with tears, you swallow hard, and remain silent.

It was unlike you, to stay quiet when you had too many things going through your head. He desperately wanted you to talk to him, to tell him what had been going through your head. He just wanted to understand. Did you believe he would somehow stop you from going? If there was one thing he knew about you, it was the fact that you always put your education first. It wasn't a secret and you didn't want it to be. He just didn't expect things to happen that way.

Seokmin sat in front of the closet, on the floor, and with difficulty opened the doors. Deep in the back, behind several shoe boxes, were two old boxes that he hadn't moved in years. Part of him wished the things inside the boxes were ruined, that they had mold and anything else that could ruin its content. But he had been careful, kept everything in order, taken all necessary precautions, and cleaned the closet periodically.

He ignored the first box and pulled the smaller one towards him, placing it on his bent legs. Seokmin wasn't one to revisit those memories, he liked to keep them as far away from him as possible, but on nights like those, it was impossible.

Seokmin knew what he would find and was sure how he would feel, but he still took the lid off the box, but he didn't dare take out any of the items inside it.

He knew he had reached his lowest point when he was holding on to memories he had of you and not focusing on what was actually happening in his life.

Letter #3

Seokmin,

I talked to Joshua today. Talk is a bit too strong of a word. We exchanged a few words on Instagram. He posted a photo and I liked it, he sent me a DM asking if I was ok and how things were going. I lied, of course. He said everything was fine and he was happy. He didn't talk about you and I didn't ask.

It was very hard to contain myself. I want to know how you are. The more selfish part of my brain wants you to be just as bad as I feel. You know that little demon that sits on our shoulder? He assures me you're even worse. And I hate to think that's the case, but at the same time, I'm sure you're not okay. I know you, we dated for four years, we lived together for almost two years

You were always the more emotional one of the two of us. You were never afraid to show your feelings, not for me or anyone else. You always loved so openly, without any fear. I admit that at first, it scared me a little.

I was an 18-year-old girl who came from a family that had no idea how to show affection, so I was always more reserved in that aspect. And there you were with your beautiful, bright smile, with open arms, affectionate with anyone who came along. I thought you were a crazy person who didn't have the slightest notion of the world. It took a while for me to realize that your world was brighter than mine in ways I couldn't understand.

You were always so untethered, free, showing yourself to anyone who had eyes. When I was closed and more reclusive, you were open and expansive. When I was very shy or reserved, you were more charming and brighter than usual. Not even my worst mood, which seemed endless at times, was a problem for you.

One day you just showed up and decided that you would stay by my side, no matter what. Believe me when I say, I tried to push you away. But with each passing day you were further under my skin.

A kiss at a random party turned into a date at every party, parties became meetings at the college library, which led to coffee dates. One day you decided at the end of each date you had to take me back to the dorms and you kissed me for a long time on the side of the building where no one could see — or at least I made myself believe no one did. Then that alone wasn't enough and you were always with your fingers intertwined with mine, or your arm around my waist. And kisses were no longer reserved for empty streets, of course not. You kissed me anywhere, anytime, no matter who was watching.

You were sneaky, Seokmin.

When I realized it, I was in love with you. Your arms were my refuge. You were my safe space. My home.

yn.

You hated that Seokmin’s reaction, or lack thereof, had gotten to you so much. It was like being punched, and then one more, soon the punch became a beating and to finish with a flourish, it was as if a truck had run over you.

You had plans to go out at the weekend, though alone. Everything was so different, the places you knew no longer existed and friends from the past no longer spoke to you. You would have to rediscover the city without anyone's help. Despite your plans, you couldn't bring yourself to leave the house.

When you decided to return, you knew there would be no way to escape Seokmin. He had become successful not only in his career as a broadcaster but also as a celebrity of sorts. You never imagined you would see his face in magazines or on billboards selling fried chicken. You didn't expect that when you turned on the TV you would see his face in different programs.

In fact, you knew all of that was happening, but somehow you managed to convince yourself that you wouldn't have to see any of it. You managed to make yourself believe that you would not be haunted by his images and voice.

When you were away, you always listened to his programs, more than once each one, but it was almost like a relationship between fan and celebrity. You could separate very well what was him and what was you. But being there, in the same country, in the same city, it was much more difficult to make that separation.

Because once you were back, Seokmin was no longer just the radio host with a show about relationships. Far from it. Seokmin was your college sweetheart, the guy whose heart you broke but who, even after seven years, was still in love with.

That was the reality. you were still in love with him. There was no relationship in the world, no man in the world, that would have made you forget about Seokmin. Sometimes it worked, sometimes you managed to forget about him for a few months and that feeling of loss, of emptiness, that had settled deep inside your heart became smaller and smaller. And then it would come back full on as if it had never left.

Maybe that was your curse, your punishment for leaving behind someone you could have spent the rest of your life with. And somehow you knew you would have been happy. Or at least a different kind of happiness.

After spending the weekend holed up inside your apartment, after convincing yourself that you needed to prepare for teaching classes and unpacking the move, she decided that on Tuesday night she would explore the city.

Exploring wasn't the right word. You had discovered that one of your favorite restaurants still existed, it had just changed location. And, despite being on the other side of the city and being completely aware that you would have to pay a fortune for a taxi or risk taking the subway alone almost at closing time, you decided to go anyway.

You needed to feel like one thing hadn't changed, or at least still be recognizable.

You heard your name being called a few minutes after sitting down. You raised your head, recognizing the voice, but couldn't tell who it belonged to. Directly in front of you was a woman, with short hair, in her fifties.

“It’s really you!”

You stood up and a second later you were being hugged. Maybe you had gone there for that reason, knowing that there would be someone there who would recognize you. Or at least you hoped there was. And when you were welcomed with open arms by her owner, Niah, you wanted to cry for the first time in a long time.

“Hi” was all you could offer, your voice weak.

You quickly turned your face away, trying to be discreet as you wiped away your tears. The last thing you wanted was to cry in front of someone else. Tears were reserved for dark moments in the silence of your apartment, they weren't meant to be seen by people you didn't even know in a crowded restaurant.

“Look how beautiful you look. You haven't been around for so long. Seokmin told us that you had gone abroad to study, but I thought you would come back sooner.”

You just managed to smile, even though it was embarrassing. It was strange to hear his name coming out of someone else's mouth so easily. For years, his name was just an echo in your own mind, almost as if it were a fantasy of yours.

There were days when you managed to convince yourself of this, that Seokmin was nothing more than a dream.

“Are you just visiting or are you back to stay?”

“I'm staying” you said after a second, when you managed to find your voice again “I got a job here, I have nowhere to run”

Niah laughed and hugged you once again, tighter this time.

"Great, that makes me happy. We always miss you” Niah smiled and ran her fingers down your cheeks, brushing away some tears that were stubborn to fall “What do you want to eat? Today it's on the house. Consider it a welcome gift.”

You took a deep breath, swallowing the lump in your throat and the remaining tears.

"What do you recommend?"

The amazing thing about meeting Niah again was that she still acted exactly the same way. She didn't see you as someone who had simply packed a suitcase of clothes and left the country overnight. To Niah you were still that same person from 7 years ago who ate whatever she put in front of. You and Seokmin were always guinea pigs for all the new recipes.

The food was still wonderful, if anything it had just gotten better.

You had a fork halfway to your mouth when you heard the door open, the sound of the bell indicating the entry of a new customer. You almost instinctively turned to look. You choked on your own saliva when your eyes met Seokmin's.

It was as if you were back in the hallway that day. Your heart simply stopped, and the world fell into suspension. For a moment, it was as if you had been transported to the past. You were almost certain that if you looked at the table you would see books open next to the cutlery; you knew that if you looked at Seokmin for another second or two his face would break into the most beautiful smile, he would wave and call your name.

But your illusion shattered into small pieces as his neutral expression contorted into a frown. With the same foot he entered he turned to leave.

“Seokmin!” you called him, getting up from your chair.

Part of you thought he was going to continue out the door, but he stopped. Half of his body was outside the restaurant, the other inside.

“Hurry up and close that door!” Niah said leaving the kitchen “You’re letting out all the heat”

Even with Niah's voice calling him, Seokmin remained standing at the door. You sat back down, but without taking your eyes off him. He didn't know what he expected of him, but he felt an indescribable relief when Niah pulled him by the sleeve of his coat and forced him to sit in front of you.

“The restaurant is packed, so you will have to share a table” she said as she turned her back.

Seokmin shook his head, clearly against sitting there, staying in the restaurant, but he still took off his coat and hung it on the chair before leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.

It was clear he was working out, his shoulders had gotten broader and his arms bigger since you last saw each other. You almost laughed at the pose, remembering all the times you had seen him in a similar situation. But this wasn't the time to laugh when everything else was screaming that he was uncomfortable with the situation, that he didn't want to be there.

It didn't take a genius to know that Seokmin wanted nothing to do with you. His reaction to seeing you in the hallway the week before and the way he was looking at you in that moment were enough answers.

You felt like the walls were closing in around you and there wasn't enough air in the room.

What were you thinking when you called his name? What were you thinking when you silently watched Niah pull him inside? Why were you still sitting there?

A waiter who worked with Niah passed by your table and you called him discreetly, not wanting to attract the attention of the restaurant owner.

“Can you wrap everything to go, please?” you turned to Seokmin “You can have the table. I was already leaving”

It was a lie, but he didn't need to know that.

Seokmin laughed lowly, scornfully, his sideways smile making the hair on your arms stand on end. In general, Seokmin has always been the type of guy who didn’t lose his cool easily, who would always rather let things go than have any kind of confrontation. But when he really got stressed out or nervous, it took a while for him to calm down again.

You had seen that storm in his eyes very few times in the years you spent together. The last one was when he went to the airport to say goodbye to you. That day the storm was just confusion and pain, you knew you had done that to him. But he sat there in the restaurant, in front of you, in silence while the people around him chatted animatedly, completely oblivious to what was happening between the two of you.

"What it was?" you rolled your eyes.

“Ah, nothing” he said, waving his hand in a dismissive gesture “It’s just like you to do that”

You narrowed your eyes at the same time you felt your cheeks get hot.

"Do what?"

"Runaway"

Letter #4

Seokmin,

It took me almost a year to convince myself that it was okay for me to look at social media. I convinced myself that every woman does this, that every now and then we look at our ex-boyfriend's Instagram, just to find out if his new girlfriend is ugly. I've told you this several times, but every female experience is universal.

I wish you were one of those low profile people, who post a picture every 6 months and it's a cut mango on a pretty plate. I wish you hadn't posted so many pictures. But more than anything, I wish I hadn't spent hours and hours looking at the photos. I wish I hadn't been analyzing every photo of you, I wish I hadn't thought “that's a new mole” and wondered which others had appeared since the last time we saw each other.

I had memorized every mole of yours. On your face, on your arms, on your back. On the worst days, when I missed you in a way that almost made me give up everything and go home, I kept remembering each one of them. I tried to remember the sound of your laugh, your voice, how you stroked my hair until I fell asleep when it wasn't a good day.

I keep wondering if one day this feeling will just go away.

It's been a year since I left. I went out with other guys, and I almost dated one of them, but you're always there in the back of my mind, almost comically because even against my will I can't help but compare them to you. I can't help but think that only you know how I like my coffee, how only you know that if I'm in my worst mood, there's no joke in the world that can make me laugh.

I know it's not fair to them. I gave you the chance to get to know me, I allowed you to get closer. I wanted you to come closer to me. Now I wonder if you're doing this for someone other than me.

I like to imagine that you also compare other women to me, that even now that you're dating I stay there, in the back of your mind, making fun of you.

Unfortunately, she's not ugly, but your smile was brighter when I was next to you.

yn.

To say that Seokmin had spent the rest of the week in an envious mood was an understatement. He was stressed and everyone around him soon noticed the change. He really tried not to let his personal life get in the way of his work. It was something he never struggled with. Work was work, what happened when the lights went out and he left the radio should never cross paths with each other. That week, however, it was impossible.

Meeting you at the restaurant caught him off guard. That day in the college hallway had been difficult, but he managed to just keep walking as if nothing had happened. He liked to pretend like he hadn't gone out with Chan right after and drank like there was no tomorrow, like he hadn't opened the boxes he had kept for years and cried while looking at the photos of the two of you together.

He had gone to the restaurant that day because he needed some form of comfort and didn't want to call any of his friends because he knew he would end up telling them everything that happened and would receive advice and words he would rather not hear. The restaurant was the best idea he had. Or maybe the worst possible one.

Maybe he had done it consciously, because he wanted to see you one more time, and wanted to make sure he hadn't imagined you. It wouldn't have been the first time.

In the first few months after you left, Seokmin got into the habit of visiting places he went with you, or places you liked to go alone. It was probably a form of torture, but he liked to imagine it was a way to forget and overcome the breakup. On several of those days, he believed he saw you. He realistically knew it wasn't you, he clearly remembered seeing you get on the plane and waited until it took off to leave the airport.

The worst thing that could have happened to him was you calling for him. Seokmin couldn't help but wonder if he had always reacted that way to you, if your presence was always so great that before he even saw you he knew you were nearby. That day, as soon as he opened the door, before he even saw you sitting there with your eyes wide open, he knew. He knew you were there.

The last thing he expected from you was you saying his name, as if asking him to sit with you, that Niah, knowing how the relationship had ended, would have made him sit in front of you.

Seokmin noticed your discomfort, the way your spine had become a little straighter, the way your eyes were hard and cautious at the same time. Your reaction made him angry. What right did you have to behave that way, as if you were hurt when all the decisions regarding a relationship both of you were in had been made by you?

You were the one who signed up for a master's degree abroad. It was you who never told him about your decision. It was you who kept everything secret, making him believe that the two of you were on the same page and that despite your different goals, you would be able to pursue them together.

Turns out he was wrong, those dreams were just his and didn't include him.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Chan asked for the thousandth time.

For the first time in a long time, Seokmin was having a hard time hiding how he really felt. That polished, carefully carved mask had fallen. It was a completely atypical day and everyone was able to notice his sudden change in mood. Even Chan, who normally did a great job of ignoring all the problems around him and focusing solely on his work, seemed to be walking on eggshells around him.

“It’s really obvious, isn’t it?” Seokmin asked in a low voice and Chan just nodded "And if I pretend it's because of the new segment, will anyone believe it?"

Again, Chan nodded. Since he had started the program, 3 years before, Seokmin would receive calls and speak directly to listeners. Although there were always interactions, those were always done through live chat and email when he received questions or stories from people who were not listening to the program when it was airing.

Seokmin wasn't nervous about the idea, he was actually excited. Chan knew this and knew that whatever the problem was, it was still the same as the day of the lecture. He didn't want to ask, and he didn't want to seem invasive, but he still wanted to make sure Seokmin was okay — or at least, well enough to do the program.

“I think everyone is already thinking that” was a lie and even Seokmin knew it, but he was grateful.

“You may already know this, but today we will start a new segment. We'll call it the heart to heart helpline, at least until we find a better name at least” Seokmin's voice and laugh resonated through the taxi “We'll take your calls and some of you will be able to talk to me and ask your questions live, instead of by chat. Each person will have a maximum of 2 minutes and we will answer 6 calls today”

You had left the house completely willing to avoid anything related to Seokmin. Realistically, you knew you couldn't do anything about the billboards and his face at bus stops, but you could very well avoid his radio show. And for a few weeks you had managed to do just that.

That day at the restaurant had almost been a cathartic moment. Somehow, it was as if something had clicked and fallen into place. The Seokmin you left behind no longer existed. It had been a naive thought to think so. You didn't expect that he would still be exactly the same person, of course not. Seven years had passed and Seokmin, like you, was approaching his thirties. Obviously, many things had changed, but you still expected to see traces of that 22-year-old boy you had known and loved.

You didn't spend more than five minutes with him at that table. And it was much more than enough. He had accused you of running away, of continuing to do this for years. Of course, that could be his view on everything, but it was never your intention. The only problem was that you hadn't been able to tell him those things. You had been so lost and so completely helpless in front of him that you had forgotten that you knew how to speak and form sentences.

You had spent years of your life writing letters to him, letters that he would never read, but that was beside the point. You wrote letters as a way to appease the emptiness you felt in your heart. You never, not for a second, thought you were running away. You never wanted to run away, but Seokmin seemed to believe you did.

In a sudden burst of anger, you took your phone out of your bag and dialed the number Seokmin spoke on the radio. You didn't expect your call to go through. In fact, you didn't even know what you expected.

“Please wait a minute, we will connect your call” a non-robotic voice said as you paid for the taxi.

Seokmin was still chatting animatedly with a listener who didn't have a real question, but who “just wanted to say that I really liked your show and that I’m a fan.” It was impossible not to roll your eyes. If she, and everyone else, knew how much of a complete asshole he could be just because he had the opportunity, they would never want to see his face again.

Or maybe they would team up against you in favor of the immaculate Seokmin. God knew how easily a man could turn public opinion in his favor with a beautiful smile. And God was also a witness that Seokmin's smile was simply wonderful, one that took your breath away, one that made you smile along because it was contagious.

“Welcome to the heart to heart helpline” Seokmin’s voice sounded in your ear “What’s your question?”

You didn't really think that your call would get through to Seokmin, you didn't think the signal would be good enough inside the elevator, but none of that seemed to be a problem.

“Hello, can you hear me?” he asked.

You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. You knew you were going really crazy, but you decided to throw caution out the window and be the crazy person everyone used to believe you were.

“Yes, I’m here” you could have sworn, that even over the phone, you felt Seokmin tense up “It’s a question about an old relationship, we broke up years ago, if that’s okay”

You struggled with your keys, trying to unlock the door as quickly as possible. You needed to get to your computer or tablet, whichever was closer. It was almost a physical necessity to see Seokmin's reaction to your voice, your question.

You always knew how to tell if he was truly calm or if he was masking what he was feeling. You wanted to know if you still had any other sort of effect on him. Whatever it was, it was better than angry disdain.

“Old relationships should stay in the past, don’t you think?” he finally said.

You nodded as you ran into your room. You knew you would find the tablet under your pillow — you were sure that if your mother saw it she would say that your brain would explode due to the radiation from the device. With a few taps, you opened the stream of Seokmin's program.

“I think so. But the problem is that we keep seeing each other. I don’t think it’s something either of us want, but it seems inevitable.”

You turned the sound off, you just wanted to focus on his reactions. Seokmin swallowed hard, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes fixed on the microphone in front of him. To anyone, it just seemed like he was concentrating on the call, on what the person on the other end of the line had to say, but you knew very well that it was to hide his reactions.

"Your question?"

“Well, he called me selfish and said I ran away when we broke up, but that's not exactly what happened. I wanted to talk to him, but I don’t think he wants to listen to me.”

Seokmin took a deep breath and seemed to think about what to say next, his eyes no longer on the microphone, but on the ceiling.

“And why does he think that about you? You probably gave him reasons, don't you think? I don’t think anyone would think that about someone without anything having happened.”

“I always dreamed of studying abroad, so when the opportunity came, I went. I…"

“Did you tell him you were going?” Seokmin clenched his fists on the desk, his fingers gripped the pen in his hand tightly until his knuckles were white. “Did you give him a chance to say something or did you just walk away?”

You were speechless, eyes focused only on Seokmin. The way his hair perfectly framed his face, his sculpted thin nose. He was still exactly like he was seven years ago, just somehow different. He was the same, but he also wasn't.

You hadn't given him the chance to say anything, you had just walked away, but because you believed it was the best thing to do. You would have stayed if he had asked, I would have aborted all of your plans for him,

“Long distance relationships don’t work” you said finally, your voice lower “especially when there’s an ocean separating people”

“I'm going to guess and say that you were together for a while because I don't think anyone would care that much about a quick relationship” his voice became more sober, completely in control of his emotions, the opposite of what you felt, like you were enclosed every second that passed “I agree with you, long-distance relationships don’t work. Different cities are already complicated, I can't imagine what it would be like to be with someone who lives in another country. You didn't give many details, but I believe he had reasons to feel that way, just as you had your reasons for leaving without warning. I think the best thing for both of you is to let it fall into oblivion. It makes no sense for either of you to dwell on these feelings. Maybe your desire to talk exists because you think you've left things open with him, but he may think that what's in the past shouldn't be remembered. Maybe you're just a bad relationship he wants to forget.”

Letter #5

Seokmin

I found out by chance that you now have your own radio show. One day it was an empty slot in the schedule and the next it was your voice. To my joy and delight, it was one of those programs that also had video streaming. I say joy and delight in a very ironic way.

But I'm not lying when I say I'm happy for you. You always said it was your dream and in a way, here we are, achieving our dreams. It would have been better if we could have lived through this together, I think. Maybe if that were the case I wouldn't have this empty feeling inside my chest.

But I discovered a long time ago that I can't keep crying over spilled milk. I left and you moved on with your life. They were conscious choices, I knew what I was doing. I knew that making this choice would have hurt both of us, but I also knew that we could overcome it. It's just taking longer than expected. I honestly thought that by this point, so many years later, we would have been able to live as if the past were just that, the past.

But it's not like that for me or for you.

I may be completely crazy, but your show is about love advice and how to deal with heartbreak. Sometimes, when I hear you talk, I'm sure you've already dealt with all your feelings, after all, you've had other girlfriends. But there are other moments, when you answer a question or when you read one of the pre-written texts when I'm sure that what you said applies directly to what we both had.

I'm going crazy, aren't I?

It's been four years since I left. I already finished my master's degree and started my PhD, exactly as planned. I have a date tonight with a guy who seems genuinely nice, but here I am, writing yet another letter that will never be sent to the guy I was in love with.

What am I still doing?

Seokmin had always believed that for a relationship to truly end there must be no trace of it anywhere. When he told his listeners that they should get rid of items, it was not a lie. He was just terrible at following his own advice. The old story of do as I say, not as I do.

Finally, he decided it was time to take his own advice. With a little pain and resentment added to the mix, of course. At this point, he wondered if he could already be considered a masochist or if he still had a few boxes to tick to get the title.

Getting your address had been easier than expected. All he had to do was ask Niah, who offered the information without any resistance.

“Being thirty didn't make either of you any smarter,” she said as she leaned across the table and wrote the address on the napkin.

“Almost thirty” he felt the need to correct her, but decided he would ignore the hidden message in her words.

Seokmin never stopped going to Niah's restaurant. It was there that he had cried his sorrows over the cheapest drinks possible, he didn't have the money to pay for the good ones, while Joshua tried to console him. He had never seen Niah so stressed and angry. She hadn't said anything, but you could clearly hear the sound of her cutting the vegetables more aggressively than necessary.

Little by little she became calmer about the situation and started talking about you with the same affection as before. Seokmin always thought she had somehow kept in touch with you, or at least found a way to get your number or a way to contact you. At first, he had been angry, but somehow he believed he didn't have that right. It was only after a year that Seokmin decided to ask and the answer he received was “if I still had contact with her, I would have already screamed at her about disappearing without telling anyone”.

Asking Niah for your address was the only option he had. He refused to go to college, where you worked. He didn't know what would happen, whether you would be friendly with each other or the conversation would end in a shouting match just because. Because after years of no contact and considering the way things ended, it was pretty obvious that resentment could resurface — at least Seokmin had resentment up to his neck and knew that not releasing them all at once required almost inhuman self-control.

He looked at the building one more time before getting out of the car. It was one of those without a doorman. Seokmin knew that if he rang and asked to be let in, the probability of being sent to hell was very high. So he pulled up his cap down and covered as much of his face as he could while he balanced the boxes on his arms.

He stood there like a madman for almost twenty minutes until someone finally left the building. Seokmin felt like he was committing a crime when he slipped through the door before it closed. Even though the feeling was strange he made himself believe it was the only option he had and he really didn't have any bad intentions. He just wanted to return your things and, hopefully, arrange that if you ever met again, you’d simply pretend you don't know each other, instead of talking nonsense to each other.

Seokmin took a deep breath once before knocking on the door. He heard footsteps and a second later the door opened.

When you imagined what your Wednesday night would be like, the only option that crossed your mind was to order a pizza and watch a movie — the random option of Netflix seemed like your best friend and the only possible option because you weren't even able to choose what to watch by yourself.

Not even in your wildest daydreams could you have imagined that Seokmin would show up at your door with two boxes in his hand.

You were partially tempted to close the door on his face, but you knew that doing so would only make the whole situation worse. If Seokmin, who clearly didn't have any good feelings about you, was standing there at your door it was because he had something to say. Or more precisely to hand it over to you, considering the boxes in his arms.

Silently you stepped aside so he had enough room to enter. You wanted to slap yourself for the complete war zone that your living room was in. You were still unpacking the moving boxes, not that you had taken much with you. It was too expensive to send things from one country to another, especially furniture. You had only focused on your clothes and books and a few things you wanted to keep, and that alone was more than you were willing to spend. In addition to the boxes, you had all the things you still had to buy, but you still didn't have the mind to do it.

You had so much going through your head that cleaning the apartment was just another task you wanted to avoid. But it was one that could be left for later. In the few minutes that Seokmin spent there, you wished you had tidied it up, that he hadn't seen how that room represented your life at that moment: a complete mess.

"What are you doing here?" you finally asked when you managed to get your vocal cords to work properly.

Seokmin didn't seem to care about the mess but paid attention to everything else around him.

He placed the boxes on the counter and took off his cap, pressing the brims with his fingertips looking for what to say next. He had rehearsed an almost poetic speech in the car, something about being adults and how your relationship had ended a long time ago, so neither of you should have any regrets left. But the moment you opened the door and looked at him it was as if all the words had simply evaporated from his mind, as if he had never learned to speak in the first place.

It had always been that way with you. Sometimes when he looked at you, even when you were still together, he got lost. He was like a man adrift who had finally found solid land. It was as if he heard a click and the world started to move once again.

One of his favorite things, when you were dating and living together, was being able to come home after an exhausting day and see you sitting on the sofa in the living room, your computer on your lap, while you studied, occasionally shouting profanities at the computer. On those days, Seokmin would simply push the computer away and lay his head on your lap.

“Just five minutes” he used to say with his eyes closed.

You’d laugh, fingers immediately running through his hair, as if it was the most natural movement in the world.

“Who do you want me to insult today? You know my vocabulary is very colorful.”

How many times had he slept in that position, without meaning to, and you had to drag him to bed because “it's comfortable for you, but my legs are numb and you have to take a shower, you won't sleep dirty next to me, sir”.

It was impossible not to wonder where it all went wrong.

“I came to return your things” he pointed at the boxes.

You suppressed the urge to bend down and rummage through the boxes. You wanted to know what he had kept, what he considered important enough to keep for so many years. You knew he no longer lived in the apartment you shared. When you were looking for apartments you saw that that one was up for rent. It was necessary to restrain yourself from choosing it. It wasn't a good apartment, at least not at the time — the photos on the website said the property had undergone renovations two years earlier and had no tenants since. It wasn't big, it barely fit one person, but it was what your extremely limited budget could afford at the time. Somehow you and Seokmin turned that small space into a home full of life. Of love.

In the places where you lived, you bought all kinds of trinkets to fill the space, furniture you didn't need and never used, hoping to imitate, for even a second, the feeling you had in that little 35 square meter apartment.

You never quite managed to do that.

“Thank you” you said sincerely “I thought all my things had gone in the trash”

You laughed and Seokmin squeezed the back of his head and pointed at the boxes.

“I sold what I could, I didn't want to put it in storage because I really thought we would never see each other again. The money is in an envelope”

“Why did you keep all this?” the words came out of your mouth before you could stop yourself “You should have thrown it away or, since you sold it, you should have spent the money”

Seokmin had asked himself that question several times before, sober or not, and he never had an answer. After a while, he simply stopped questioning and accepted it as something he had to do, to have some kind of sanity. It didn’t. Knowing that those boxes were inside his wardrobe, having to go through them the two times he moved, only brought back memories that he would like to forget.

Ever since you had seen each other again for the first time, memories that Seokmin had struggled to bury came to the surface as if they had just happened. He started to dream about you, dreams that range from memories to things that never actually happened, he started to wonder if it would be okay to talk with someone. His brain always screamed NO, so he was stuck just dreaming.

“I don’t have a good enough reason. It is what it is, I guess,” he said.

The last time Seokmin felt so embarrassed around you was right when you met and even then it only lasted a few minutes. The 18 year old Seokmin was much braver than the 29 year old man in front of him.

That boy, without any guilt or remorse, would have asked every question that could cross his mind. You’d say “your mind is beautiful, it even echoes sometimes”. Seokmin wanted to still have some of that boy's strength. Maybe that was the only way to know what he wanted. He wouldn't ask and he knew you wouldn't offer the information to him without being pressured.

“I think in the end, we both got what we wanted.”

You realized you said the wrong thing when you looked at Seokmin’s hands. A second before he was clutching his cap until his knuckles turned white, the next his long fingers were still. You didn't want to see the expression on his face. You knew what you’d find. You messed up, but couldn’t take back what you said.

“You got what you wanted” Seokmin corrected you, his voice firm, his tone hard.

“You always wanted to have a radio show”

“No, I wanted you. I could adapt to everything else if it meant I would have you.”

You shook your head. You knew it wasn't true. Hell, even Seokmin knew it wasn’t true. The first time you talked, Seokmin mentioned how much he wanted to be a radio host and have his own show, of any kind. I don't have a preference, I know I can give anything my own colors. You felt envious of his certainty, of the way he knew he could do it.

“The show has always been your dream” you tried again, despite knowing it was in vain to argue with him.

“My dream was to have a life by your side. You never, not once, told me that you signed up to study abroad, you never even mentioned it. When it was time to go you just got on a plane and disappeared. You never even gave me the chance to follow you. I could have been a journalist anywhere in the world”

Seokmin hated the direction of that conversation, hated being so exposed in front of you after so many years. In the past, it wasn't a problem. Before he wanted to be exposed in front of you, he wanted to share everything he was, every aspect of himself with you. No more. The problem was that he couldn't just stop. A gate was opened and there was no way to close it.

“So, what? Would we both be living based on our dreams? Because this is a dream, and you know it very well.”

You clung to the top rail of the chair, your head lolling forward in an almost futile attempt to stop him from seeing the tears forming in your eyes. You knew you couldn't hold them.

You weren't the type of person who cried often, you did what you could to avoid it, but when the tears came it was impossible to simply stop them from falling.

“Yeah, maybe I was really dreaming, because I believed that you loved me in the same proportion, but it’s quite obvious that you didn’t”

Seven years of pent-up frustration couldn't just disappear, he should have known. He should have imagined that going there would be a problem, that being in the same space as you without any kind of interference was a mistake. But he was still there and there was no way to escape. It was better to end everything quickly than to keep those feelings for another seven years in the hopes of one day being able to say something.

Seokmin watched as you went to one of the boxes in the corner of the room and opened it forcefully, tearing the cardboard, and causing some of the contents to slide across the floor. He felt his body freeze as a roll of film stopped at his feet.

“So explain to me, why do I buy a roll of film every time I pass by a store?” you put both hands inside the box and took out several rolls of film, of different brands and models. “Explain to me, why have I followed your career all this time and never missed a damn show in the last 3 years? Why would I wake up in the middle of the night to watch the broadcast and then listen to the show again while going to work because I just wanted to hear your voice?”

You walked to another box, but you opened this one a little more carefully as if wanting to protect the contents.

“Why did I spend 7 years writing letters that would never be read to a guy I never loved?”

You threw several envelopes at Seokmin’s chest. Your face and body shook out of anger or another feeling he couldn't quite tell.

Seokmin bent down to pick up one of the envelopes from the floor. His name was written in your careful handwriting. He didn't need to look at all the other ones to know that they were also addressed to him. He didn't know how many letters were scattered on the floor, or if there were any left in the box. The only thing he was sure of was that he had no idea how to proceed.

“If that doesn’t say I loved you, if that doesn’t say I still love you, I don’t know what the fuck does.”

Seokmin saw the first tear run down your face and fell silent. He knew he should turn his back, he knew he should walk away, just like you did seven years before. Instead, he took four steps in your direction, his eyes never left your heaving chest and the tears that ran freely over your cheeks.

At that moment he knew that he only had two options: he could turn around and leave, he gave you back your things that alone made his plan a success; or he could kiss you like he had been wanting to since the moment he saw you again.

To hell with his plan.

Seokmin held your face in his hands and pulled you to him, crashing his lips on yours. It was an all too new feeling but also familiar, almost like coming to a remodeled home. It was him and it was you, if only it was just that simple.

You sighed into him, your arms wrapping around his slim waist while your hand balled a fist full of his shirt. There were so many moments where you wished you could be right in that spot, again in his arms. Dreams and daydreams, wishful thinking, whatever you could call it. Thoughts of Seokmin had always been a constant in your mind. It was impossible not to compare other people you went out with to him.

Your longest relationship had been one of almost a full year. Although the beginning had been good and easy, with you somehow managing to avoid any and all Seokmin related dreams and thoughts, it turned sour the second he crossed your mind.

“Seokmin, I…”

He shook his head and pressed his forehead to yours, eyes so intense that it was difficult to keep looking at him.

“Let’s not overthink it, okay?” was all he said.

You held his face for a couple, searching for something in his features, anything at all, that could indicate that the moment wasn’t for that. But all you saw in him was the same emotions you felt, the same need and desire.

You pulled Seokmin to you again, this time hungrier, your chest pressed to his. Your mind was loud telling you all the reasons why you shouldn’t be doing that, why having him so close to you was truly the most dangerous situation you could possibly put yourself in. But all of those voices, all of those words and thoughts were silenced the moment he kissed you again.

His lips were hungry, demanding all of you. And it was so easy to just give in to him, to his hands roaming on your body, down your back until he reached your ass. He gave it a light squeeze and ran his hand back up again, this time under your shirt. You moaned softly at the contact of his skin on yours, as he kissed your neck, bitting on the exact same spot he found years before.

He smiled over your skin.

“At least this hasn’t changed”

It was all too much but not nearly enough. Just having him that close to you was dizzying enough but him touching you and enjoying the fact that you were just as weak for him at twenty nine made you never want to let go of him again.

“Where’s your room?”

You took Seokmin by the hand, guiding him through the narrow corridor.

Your room was barely a room to begin with. You had no furniture except for the mattress lying on the floor, your clothes were either on the suitcase or on the chair on the side.

“This is unlike you” Seokmin said, his chest pressed to your back while he nibbled on the skin of your neck.

“I… hm… I” you sturred a little when he bit into a particularly sensitive spot, making him chuckle “I’m waiting on delivery”

Seokmin turned you around in his arms while lightly pushing you down on the mattress. His eyes never left yours as he ran his hand under your shirt, moving the fabric up until your chest was exposed.

It had been so long since you had been with anyone, it was almost like a reflex to want to pull your shirt back down. Since him, it had been hard to just let yourself be exposed to someone like that. You had become awfully aware of your body and things you never cared for or paid attention to before suddenly became worries. You didn't like that insecure version of yourself but when Seokmin cupped your breast in his hand his touch was almost solemn.

It was probably the worst timing in the world when you felt tears burn on the back of your eyes. You pulled his face to yours again, trying to hide your tears from him once again.

Suddenly, his touch was tender when he pushed a few strands of hair away from your face, his fingers careful.

Seokmin moved down on your body. When you saw his fingers on the waistband of shorts you lifted your hips off of the mattress to help him move the fabric down quicker.

He kissed your hips and inner thigh. You moaned in anticipation, your hand taking a fist full of his soft hair. When his lips finally found your clit it was like fireworks erupted behind your closed eyelids.

Seokmin was impossibly hard in his pants, embarrassingly so like he was a teenager having his first time.

He never thought that he would have you in his arms again and yet there you were in front of him, no reservations. Just for him. And for a moment it was like his brain was in short circuit, the small electric waves running all over his body, down to his toes.

He licked a path from your cunt to your clit. He went down on you almost in desperation, his nose brushing on your clit every now and then.

"Seokmin..." his name was barely a whisper in your lips, but it was also a chant.

Your orgasm hits you quickly, leaving you short of air and with shaky legs. You were spiraling in the most enticing way possible. It didn't stop Seokmin though as he kept sucking you frantically.

You tugged on his hair, pulling him up and to you again.

I love you, the words almost fell out of your lips. It would have been so easy to just say them, to be open about your feelings just this once.

Deep down you knew that that moment would be a one time kind of thing. It was just the kind of moment people sometimes needed to just completely let go of everything. Or in this case, nothing. It was to let go of seven years of complete nothingness and silence.

You opened the button of his jeans and pushed it down, his boxers following along. You wrapped your hand around his cock, pumping him a couple of times. Realization suddenly came over you. You never expected Seokmin to show up to your place, much less that it would lead to that moment, and there wasn't anyone else in your life, so you weren't ready for it.

"I don't have a condom" you said breathlessly.

Seokmin looked lost for a second, his brain going to his wallet, questioning whether or not he had one in him.

"I can pull out," he said "if that's okay"

All you did was nod and Seokmin aligned himself with your hole. He pushed in slowly, savoring each moment when your pussy pulled him in until there was no space between the two of you.

Seokmin kissed you again to give himself time to adjust to you squeezing him. You held his face close to yours, in your eyes a mix of emotions he didn't want to understand. Not in that moment at least.

"I don't want anyone else," you said looking into his eyes, your thumb running over his bottom lip "No one else can make me feel the way you do"

To hell with care and self-preservation. You let go of those the moment you opened the door for him, the moment you let him into your home, the moment you didn't push him away when he kissed you.

Seokmin fucks you slowly, his pace torturous as you beg and beg for more. He intertwined his fingers with yours and held one of your hands above your head while the other one held your hips in place.

"Seokmin... harder"

And it's like a switch has gone off inside his brain. His once slow pace becomes shallow. The sound of your breaths and his skin slapping against yours were the only ones heard, echoing through the empty room.

Your orgasm sneaks up on you, catching you so off guard you scream because it's too much.

You pushed Seokmin away and watched in ecstasy as he wrapped his hand around his cock, his hand working fast as your name left his lips when his release fell on the sheet by your side.

Seokmin dropped his body over yours again, his forehead on your shoulder. You closed your eyes and ran your hand over his hair.

"I love you" you allowed yourself to say, even if it meant nothing to him.

Letter #6

Seokmin,

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm coming home. Or the closest thing I still have to a home. Needless to say, my mother is happy with the news. She's been tormenting me for years, asking me to come back, but since I set foot here I decided I wasn't going back.

I wanted to, but I wouldn't go back.

Every time I thought about going back, the first thing that came into my head was the last image I had of you. Your teary eyes wishing me a safe flight, saying I love you and hope you accomplish everything you want. I regretted it the moment I gave my things away and handed my passport into the hand of the airline girl. I should have come back, I should have given up, but I couldn't. That old story of putting myself first and second, you know how it goes. In this case, my entire top 10 was just different versions of me.

I think I actually felt scared because as time went by, little by little without me realizing it right away, you became a very big part of my life. A part that could change everything. I felt like I depended on you too much. It wasn't fair to you or me.

We were only 22, Seokmin. When we were so young, we thought that life was conquered and today I know that is not the case. Far from it. At 22 I had a degree and worked part-time at a cafe to pay the bills, just like you.

You might think I'm selfish, I'm sure you do based on the things you say on your show. I was selfish and on some level, I don't regret it. I did what I always planned to do, what I always wanted to do. And now I'm coming home.

Part of me wants to run and find you, explain why I made the decisions I did, why I never told you. But I know you won't want to listen to me. I wouldn't want to listen to me either. Why would I listen to someone who left just like that? It really wouldn't make sense.

But another part, this one a little more rational, says that I shouldn't throw salt into the wound after so many years have gone by. I have the scar here, hidden enough for no one to see, but prominent enough for me to remember what I did every single day.

I think that's what I'm going to do. I think that's what I have to do. It wouldn't be fair to just show up in front of you and say “hi, I'm back” after seven years.

You have become a big “what if” for me. What if I had stayed? Would we have stayed together or would our relationship have ended years ago? What if I had told you what I was doing while I was doing it? Would you have asked me to stay? What if I had given the possibility of a long-distance relationship? Would we have worked out or would you start to resent me for leaving and end up hurting each other anyway?

The most absurd thing is that I still like you, I'm still in love with you. I've always heard that distance makes love end or something like that. I haven't seen you in seven years, I don't know what's going on in your life — you're really good at hiding everything being a celebrity now — so it doesn't make any sense that my feelings haven't changed even after all this time. This guy I see online might not be the Seokmin I fell in love with, just like I'm not the same person you remember.

Every time I hear your voice I still feel butterflies in my stomach. I sleep and dream about you. When I wake up I think about you and I wonder if you think about me too. It is not normal. It's not healthy. Life went on and I think it is our obligation to move forward together. We are not a museum to only feed on the past.

Let's continue as we are now, what do you think? We will once again be in the same country, in the same city, but I think it's best for both of us to pretend that nothing will change. It's a huge city, what are the chances of us meeting?

Before you even opened your eyes, you already knew what you would find. Or who you wouldn't find. You knew the space next to you on the mattress would be empty. You had noticed the exact moment Seokmin had gotten up, but you forced yourself to believe that he had just gone to the bathroom. You had kept your eyes closed and had somehow gone back to sleep.

You had been naive to think that the night had changed something, that the way everything seemed like it would be fine was an indication that things had finally gotten back on track. If any, the train simply ended up derailing.

When Seokmin kissed you it was magical, no matter how cliché and teenage it may sound. It was as if the world had fallen into place again, as if you had finally returned home after being away for so long. You couldn't help but wonder if that was why you'd taken the job, in the foolish, unconscious hope that there might be a chance, however slight, of being with him again.

You forced yourself to sit up and pulled the sheet up to cover your naked body. The shirt and shorts you wore the night before were next to you on the floor, but you refused to wear those clothes, opting to rummage through the boxes in the corner of the room looking for clean ones.

You didn't want to go to the living room, didn't want to be mocked by the two boxes that Seokmin had left on the counter, but you couldn't help it. It was as if your feet had a life of their own. When you realized it, you were already sitting on the living room floor with the two boxes in front of you.

You momentarily decided to ignore the smaller black box and pulled the large one closer. The first thing you saw was the envelope Seokmin mentioned the night before. Money, especially the one in the envelope, wasn't something you were going to worry about. You didn't care about it, you didn't lie when you told him that he should have spent it. That money would remain untouched.

There were also a few books you read and made annotations on, two stuffed animals, and all the picture frames you had left behind.

One of the things you regretted the most was not taking with you when you left were photos of you and Seokmin. You had only taken one, which was folded inside your wallet. It was already so old and worn out that it had almost turned to dust, but you would never get it out. It was you and Seokmin at Niah's old restaurant, he was smiling at the camera while you looked at him. It was your favorite picture.

At the bottom of the box was the camera you had given Seokmin as a birthday present a few months before you left. You had saved whatever money you could for months to buy him the camera he wanted, one that he always talked about and whenever you passed by a store you stood outside looking at it, almost as if it would magically appear in his hands.

You understood his reasons for leaving the camera there — or, at least, the reasons you could imagine—but you wished he had kept using it. Not because it was a gift from you, but because it was something he wanted. His smile was so big when you gave it to him, the tip of his nose slightly pointed down because of it.

Carefully you put everything back inside and put it aside.

The smaller box, for some reason, was scary. It was light and black, and you could hear its contents moving as you held it in your hands. You took one last deep breath and removed the lid.

Inside were photos you had never seen before. Photos of you alone, Seokmin wasn't in any of them. In none of them were you posing or smiling directly at the camera.

Most of them had been taken from a distance, without you noticing. In some you were inside the cafe where you worked, smiling at customers and serving tables, in others you were simply walking down the street, looking through window shops and pointing at something. Seokmin had taken countless photos of you without you even realizing it.

It was strange to see yourself through his eyes, even if it was a version of you that no longer existed. A much younger and more optimistic version. Did I smile that much? you couldn't help but ask. You never saw yourself as particularly optimistic or constantly smiling. You were happy, that's undeniable, but you didn't know that's how people saw you.

There were so many photos, from completely different moments, both from the beginning of your relationship with Seokmin, and from all the phases you went through together.

Behind the pictures were the post-its that you left around the apartment, reminding Seokmin of somewhere you had together or simply saying that you loved him. So many had a simple “I love you” written on them, others said “have a good day today!”.

You had no idea he had kept them. You always thought that once read, they were discarded, but there they were, intact as if you had just written them.

The very first one you had ever written, when you had just started dating, was also there. At the time, unlike Seokmin who never had a hard time expressing how he felt, it was almost impossible for you to be openly honest. So you wrote it on a post-it and stuck it inside one of his notebooks. He had shown up at the dorm a few hours after you left the library.

“Say it again, but this time looking at me”

You frowned, pretending you didn't understand.

“Your nose is beautiful”

You laughed when Seokmin wrapped his arms around you, squeezing a little, trapping your arms close to your body. His face was very close to yours.

“What you wrote in the note” he said softly, his cheek pressed against yours “Say it again, please”

The truth was that you had loved Seokmin, in a way you didn't believe was possible and maybe that was why you spent the last seven years writing letters to him.

Seokmin never left your mind, not truly. There was always a desire, even if veiled, to return home, to find out how he was, to just say “I know I messed up, I’m sorry”.

It was that desire that made your entire body go cold as you took one last item out of the box. A smaller box that fit in the palm of your hand. You knew what it was before you even opened it and opening it was the worst choice at that moment. Your heart, which was already broken, somehow managed to break even more, into a billion, shiny, new pieces.

Seokmin would have proposed if you hadn't left.

When the first sob echoed through the living room, you didn't try to hold it back, you just accepted the feeling of being absolutely lost and heartbroken.

The weather outside the building seemed to mimic the way you had felt in the last few weeks, torrential rain that had no end in sight. You watched the news hoping for an improvement, hoping that the rain would stop for at least a few hours, but it seemed like a distant dream.

All your students were already gone and there was nothing left for you to do. The handed in assignments were graded and the tests were ready to be applied the following week. You had never hated yourself so much for simply doing your job. You wanted to be, at least for that day, like other teachers who left corrections until the last possible second and left students desperate for their grades.

The hallway was in complete silence, a clear sign that everyone had left already. And you had already waited hours for the rain to stop, until the sky was completely dark, and if anything the rain had only gotten worse.

You sighed and picked up your bag from the chair. You wouldn't risk taking any books, papers, or documents home, the possibility of everything getting ruined was too big. Besides, you needed a rest, at that point it was well deserved.

Ever since you had opened the boxes Seokmin left behind, you had immersed yourself in work in every way possible. You had accepted all of the dean's requests and even offered to teach extra classes whenever there was a missing professor.

And even so, even though you had more work than you wanted, you still found time to look at all of his social media. You still listened to all his programs, even listened to the old ones before going to sleep.

It was almost like a form of elaborate torture done solely and exclusively with you in mind. And worst of all, it was self-inflicted. It was as if your brain liked it, begged for it.

The box with the engagement ring was next to your pseudo bed. It was the last thing you saw before going to sleep and the first thing you saw when you woke up. Instead of spending hours on your phone, you sat there, staring at the small box.

You hadn't dared to open it again. You had never felt so lost as you did that day, looking at that ring.

You wouldn't be a hypocrite to say that you had never imagined your life if you had married Seokmin, but before it was nothing more than a daydream. The ring made that dream an attainable reality. It had been in your hands and you just walked away.

A curse left your lips when you noticed that the umbrella you had used that morning was missing from the umbrella holder next to the door.

“Great, that’s exactly what I needed” you muttered, slamming the door shut behind you.

You were tired, exhausted to tell the truth. All you wanted was to get home, take a shower, and watch some relationship reality show, to escape the tragedy that was your own love life.

You closed your eyes and sighed as you reached the entrance. The next bus stop or subway station was at least a 15 minute walk away. That was a problem that existed when you went to school there, everything was far away. One would think that they would do something to improve that, but one would be wrong.

You thought about taking shelter in the nearest coffee shop, but you knew it was almost closing time. You wouldn't be the person who forces employees to stay late, not when you had worked at that exact coffee shop years ago.

Even with your heavy coat covering most of your body, the rain was cold on your back and it was hard to see anything ahead, even if it was just a few steps away. Even the sound of cars was muffled by the rain.

“yn?” a car was on your left, and it was moving at the same speed as you. The face of whoever was behind the wheel was blurred by the rain, but you would have recognized that voice anywhere in the world.

“Let me give you a ride”

You shook your head. The last thing you should do was get in the car with him. It was too dangerous, you were sure that if you looked at him for more than a second you’d start crying. Just by hearing his voice your eyes were burning and a lump was forming in your throat.

“It’s fine, the bus stop is right there”

“There was an accident back there, the bus won’t be here anytime soon”

You grumbled. Of course, there was an accident, of course, there wouldn't be a bus and with your luck, the subway would probably be closed too.

"If your car went through the accident, a taxi will too”

You quickened your pace, not because of the rain, but because you wanted to get away from him. You needed to get away from him.

“Jesus, yn, just get in the car. You’re going to get sick”

You pretended you didn't hear what he said and kept walking, face down – trying to escape both the rain and him. The first tear fell from your eyes. For the first time in days, you were grateful for the rain, because you could pretend it was just water and not a visual representation of your broken heart on your cheeks.

Seokmin stopped the car right there, in the middle of the street. He didn't care if someone was standing behind him honking like crazy — something that was bound to happen.

When he left your apartment that day he felt like he was 22 again, but this time he was the one leaving.

Hearing that you loved him was everything he had wanted, but the timing was strangely right and wrong, both at the same time.

Both of you screamed, shouted, and said what you wanted to say — or at least part of what you wanted to say. A weight had been lifted from his shoulders, at the same time a new one was placed on it.

After you fell asleep in his arms, the only thing Seokmin could think about were the letters scattered across the living room floor. There were so many. He couldn't believe you had spent all those years writing letters to him.

He needed to read them all. He would have done it in the living room, but he didn't know what awaited him, so he collected them all from the floor and a few more that had been left in the box and left.

He read the first one in the car, he couldn't wait until he got home.

Seokmin cried right there, the same way he cried when you left. Inconsolable. His heart broke and healed in equal measure with every word of yours he read.

Seokmin always believed that you left like that, without a single word, because you didn't like him that much, because you didn’t want to be with him anymore. Not that he thought the entire relationship had been a lie, but he thought that somehow the love had ended. It happened to everyone, the probability of it happening to him was also high.

The truth could not be different. There wasn't a letter in which you didn't say you loved him, not always in those words, but he knew you well enough to know that was what you said.

After reading all the letters, Seokmin called Joshua. He cried on the phone with his friend and then once again when he showed up at his place with bad beer and takeout food. “Since we’re going to talk about our college days, I think we should do the same thing we did back then” was all he said.

Seokmin was on his way to you when he saw you walking without an umbrella. He wanted to talk to you, to know if even after so long you still wanted to try with him one more time. It was better to try than to always wonder what could have been.

“I read your letters!” he shouted louder than the rain.

His words were enough to make you stop walking, but you still didn't turn to face him. It was too hard to breathe. Your chest rose and fell irregularly each time you tried to pull the air in.

You knew Seokmin had taken the letters. Part of you knew he would read them, but the last thing you expected was for him to want to talk about them.

“I know” you said when he approached “I saw they were gone, and you were the only person who came by”

“Do you know why I accepted to host a love advice show? Besides it being something I've always wanted, of course” he didn't give you time to answer “Because a part of me wanted you to listen, to know that I was okay, even if it was a lie. I thought that if I talked about it on a show that had used the nickname you gave me, you’d regret it. I thought that I should make you regret it because it was the only way I could still think about you without looking like a fool after so long. I thought you didn’t care, that you had left because you didn’t like me anymore, so making you regret your decision was the only option I had”

You shook your head. It wasn't true, not by a long shot.

“I'm sorry” you said softly “I should have told you what I was doing, that I had applied for the and got in. I thought it was my only option. It was so stupid. I was so stupid”

Seokmin laughed a little, fingers running under your eyes. A second later he pressed his lips over yours.

“I know, I read your letters”

Seokmin,

It's been a good few years since I wrote you a letter. After a while, I didn't think I needed it anymore because I started saying everything I wanted, everything I felt, looking at you. Of course, this new arrangement has its demerits, as the paper and pen don't look at me like a lost puppy. But paper and pen don't kiss me either, so it has its bonus.

I thought when I came home four years ago, I would never see you again. I thought you would just be the guy who has a radio show that I would listen to every now and then. I didn't expect to see you my first week back and again and, well, again.

As you probably know, I've never been a big fan of rainy days. I always preferred sunny days because those were the days I woke up ready to face the world. I felt better overall. But also because they reminded me of you. You know, when the sun appears after gray days? For me, you were always like that. Grand and brilliant.

But after that day, I started to like rainy days too because they started to be full of the two of us. Rain was no longer synonymous of an unproductive day, but rather of the memory of our fresh start.

You know this, we've talked about it a few times, but I spent a few months waiting for it to sink in. Sort of expecting that one day I would wake up and it would all be a dream. It was hard for both of us, I know. It was seven years of hurt and resentment and we had to navigate this uncertain sea without a map. Nobody teaches you how to do this, believe me, I looked. I found countless books on how to start dating, how to save a relationship, and how to get over a relationship. The problem is that none of them teach you how to rekindle a relationship after seven years apart, but during those seven years one of the parties wrote letters and the other had a program just to mourn the sorrows of the relationship.

I've read several, so you can trust what I say on this.

It really wasn't easy, but I think we came out better, stronger, in some way.

I love you and I’ll tell you that every day for the rest of our lives. Our forever begins today, in a little while. So stop crying, put ice on your eyes to help the swelling go down, and go to the aisle because I miss you already.

I love you.

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zer0wzs · 2 months

Text

𝙨𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙙𝙖𝙮𝙨

[ gn!reader ] "practice it, even once a week," it even works with sleep—especially you have something motivating you. based off of this classic reddit post. wc: 1521

AN: not at all proofread my apologies lol

There have been a couple of changes in your life since the first month that Jason moved in with you.

For one, the little trinkets that were scattered everywhere seemed to be a little more neater, a little more lined up. You’ll find that your small figures were playing out a scene. You don’t know why they’re like that, but Jason seems to know.

Your apartment’s been plenty more storage-efficient. This was largely to help Jason store his expansive collection of books, but it helped you, too. The drawers, shelves, and cabinets the two of you have thrifted and renovated together make it seem more to both of your liking—rather than it just being yours.

Above these small things, though, you two seem to always never have enough time with each other, even after the move.

Needless to say, time isn’t always in your favor when you’re vigilant or with the Red Hood. Date nights are suddenly postponed or canceled, patrols keep him until the early hours of the morning, and—at worst—missions have you two apart from one another for weeks, maybe even months.

This makes you two take pleasure in the small things. Whatever little thing you two can keep to yourselves, whatever fragment of time is offered to you two, you will selfishly hold onto. It's the only thing you can ever hold onto.

That’s why you always hold onto Saturdays. You can wake up as late as you want and still know that he’s probably there. You’d find him cleaning his guns, cozied on the couch reading a book, watching a cheesy romcom, or cooking you breakfast. That’s how it's always been when you spent time at each other’s apartments, and the same thing has happened until now.

That’s your first thought as you wake—or, well first few thoughts. Checking the time on your phone, you see it’s 11 AM. Earlier than your usual time of waking, but you should still probably get up.

There isn’t much noise ringing through your ears, save for a few footsteps you heard through the ajar room of your bedroom. Still a little drowsy, you made your way to the bathroom to tidy yourself up.

After rinsing your face with soap and getting the grime out of the crevices of your skin, you grabbed your toothbrush and pumped your toothpaste on it. As you brushed your teeth, though, your mind better register a faint humming—no, singing—from down the hallway.

Well, it can’t be anyone else, no?

After freshening yourself up, you go to your living room only to be greeted by tranced Jason—fixated on his slightly worn copy of All The Lovers in the Night. There’s some old dad rock music playing softly by him. You stand there, leaning against the edge of the hallway, before your presence is acknowledged.

“Good morning,” he greeted, using a random receipt he had to bookmark his page before the book aside. “You’re up early.”

“I know.” You hummed, finding a place beside him on the couch and giving him a good morning kiss on the cheek.

You find him smiling at the action, ruffling your hair and pulling you closer by the waist. “Are you up for any particular reason? Miss me?”

“Mmh, sure.” You grab his coffee perched on the table and take a sip. “Ew.”

He laughs. “What do you mean ‘ew’? Baby, that’s always how I’ve made my coffee.”

“I know, I know,” you rolled your eyes. “I thought that was gonna be the new three-in-one packet we got.”

“I don’t like three-in-one,” he hums. “Or at least I’m not in the mood for it.”

“Guess I’ll have to brew a cup for myself. I really wanna try it out.”

“Can I have a sip?” He asked, leaning into your shoulder.

“No.” You half-jokingly replied, snaking your hand up his hair to ruffle it.

“Come on.”

“Let’s see.”

And so that’s how Saturdays would go for you two. Jason would usually start his day at 7, 6, and sometimes even 5 AM, depending on how hectic his workload was. He’d freshen up, brew some coffee, and then usually get to his work.

If he did work, he always took a short breather between 10 to 11, usually spending the time to read. If he didn’t, he’d spend the morning cleaning the apartment or making breakfast.

You find yourself stirring awake. What time is it? It feels too early to be up right now.

You check the time on your phone. 10:42. Never mind.

You stretched out, basking in the sun that escapes through the fabric and small gaps of the translucent curtains. You blink a few times before deciding it's time to get up and freshen up. Grabbing a change of clothes, you head to your bathroom.

As you continued your morning routine, you could hear music ringing softly throughout the apartment. Along with that, you hear Jason singing along to it. With that, you open the door a little wider while you brush your teeth.

Before you can even process that your feet are carrying you outside the bathroom, Jason’s already greeting your presence in the dining area. “Good morning,” You wave in return. “You want anything for breakfast?”

You shake your head in reply and find your place beside him by the table, reading a book. You lean your head on his shoulder, trying to follow whatever he’s reading. The fast reader he is, he flips the page before you can even get a full sentence in.

In the corner of his eye, he can still see how drowsy you were. He checks in. “Are you okay?”

“Mhm,” you hummed. “Still a little sleepy.”

“You know, you can still go to bed if you want. I’m not sure why you’re up earlier than usual.” He pouted, craning his head to look at you. “You’re not pushing yourself for whatever reason, right?”

“No, I just…woke up,” you reply dryly. “Like I woke up and thought, ‘might as well,’ you know?”

“Okay, okay,” he smiled, placing a kiss on your forehead. “You want a coffee?”

“Mmm, sure.”

“Alright,” he nods, kissing your forehead before getting up to heat up some water. “The three-in-one?”

“Yes, please.”

Maybe it's your way of saying that you miss him. Between the night patrols and days-to-months-long missions that he goes on, you find yourself waking up a little earlier. 11 AM turns into 10 AM turns into even 9 and 8 AM on the weekends.

It’s 7:51 AM. Last night may have been hectic, but you got some sleep in. A few weeks ago, you would’ve slept in and woke up at 1 PM, but god doesn’t grant you enough time to hit your napping time and spending-time-with-Jason quotas. You have to sacrifice one, and your body knows which one you’re choosing.

“Morning, babe,” Jason greets from the kitchen, cooking up a breakfast for the two of you.

He doesn’t tease you any more about waking up so early. In fact, he doesn’t even push you to go back to bed anymore. He knows it only really makes you feel bad for getting some sleep. He’s more than picked up these changes in the morning and accommodates you to his schedule with ease.

You feel more than love. You feel his affection wholeheartedly. It’s almost overwhelming, but you figure you’re never getting enough of it anyway.

“Hello…” You mumble from behind him, sliding your hands up his chest. You smell the spicy scent of seasoning from his cooking. ”Missed you.”

“Missed you too.” He smiles, pulling you to his side.

You stand in silence for a bit, too sleepy to continue the conversation sensibly and letting only the sound of the searing pan fill the room.

Yet you start. “Are you doing anything or going anywhere today?”

“No, not really,” he answers. “Why? You wanna do something?”

“No, not really,” you copy his tone, not really implying any sort of mocking. “I just wanna spend time with you.”

He laughs a little. “Clingy.”

“Thanks,” you roll your eyes. “Do you need help with anything?”

“Hmm,” he pauses for a split second to think. “Set the table for me, won’t ya? I’m almost done.”

“Alright.”

Warmth is the first thing you feel. A great, weighted warmth encasing you in your sleep. It wasn’t too early, as you felt the bright rays of the sun shine down and pierce through your closed eyes. Clearly, Jason should be more than awake by now.

Eyes closed, you whisper to the big bear of a man holding on to you for dear life. “Mmh, what time is it?”

Nothing from him in return. You lay a few kisses on his arm, hoping to wake him up, even a little.

“Love?” You hummed, reaching out for your phone to check the time. Your phone’s brightness blinds you, but as long as you can sleep in peace after this, you’re fine. “It’s 7:32. Shouldn’t you be up by now?”

You hear him mumble a few things, mostly incoherent, but you can at least make out his little, “Mmh, five more minutes.”

#zero's writing °｡⋆⸜ ✮#jason todd x reader #jason todd x y/n #jason todd x you #jason todd imagine

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yournightmary · 3 months

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Jackson!Ellie HCs

content warning:: fem!reader, mentions of being drunk

AN:: I love fluff.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who somehow always has an excuse to talk to you or for you to come over. You wanted to watch a specific movie? She has a DVD of it! You want to learn how to shoot a bow? She’s the first in line to be your teacher.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who loves when you laugh at her unfunny jokes. Gets them all from her stupid little ‘No Pun Intended’ books.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who always makes you share a horse with her whenever you go on patrols. Says something about being ‘economical’, yeah- whatever.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who smiles whenever she thinks about you. Just staring off to the distance with a goofy smile like a schoolgirl.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who takes care of you more than of herself. She’ll be worried about you seeing an infected while she’s being swarmed by 3 bloaters.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who has a talent for finding good quality vinyls. She has a whole collection of music from the 60s/70s. Loves ‘Stand By Me’, ‘(Don’t Fear) The Reaper’ and ‘Stayin’ Alive’ (because I said so).

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who makes you dance with her to said songs whenever she gets slightly drunk/high. Gets embarrassed by it once she’s sober.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who was so oblivious and stupid you had to make the first move or you’d be stuck in limbo forever.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who is really awkward when it comes to affection, but it’s cute? Like she’s blushing, looking away and all that stuff.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who told you she’s immune one time when she was shitfaced and didn’t remember it the next day. Then on patrol you were passing by a shopping mall and you joked about it and she thought you were a mind reader or something.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who keeps every single note you give her, maybe glues them into her journal. One time she found a red lipstick and begged asked you to kiss some of the pages.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who is always humming some songs to herself. Literally all the time, maybe even in her sleep.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who begged Maria to let you both move in together to a bigger house. She got tired of living by herself in an old garage😔

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who carves your initials in a heart into almost every tree she sees.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who will always prioritize your needs. If she finds any clothes while on patrol, they’re yours. You’re running out of food? She’ll give you every last crumb.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who sings you love songs ‘as a joke’ but she’s just afraid you’ll find it corny or won’t like it. Give her some words of affirmation, please🙏

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who doesn’t let you around Joel because you both team up and poke fun at her. (She secretly loves you both get along so well)

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who doesn’t care about having a wedding or anything like that, I mean come on- it’s the apocalypse. But she’ll be more than happy to give you a ring.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie whose only purpose in life is to make you happy (since there won’t be a cure lol). She’ll go above and beyond, whatever it might be- just to make her girl’s life better.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who loves to go back to the old pages in her journal, the ones when she first met you and you started dating. Maybe even showed them to you on your anniversary.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who is like a kid and will make everything into a competition. She’ll race you and trip ‘on accident’ so you can win though. Btw, still calls herself the Brick Master, even if no one understands.

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Jackson!Ellie who at least once a week will remember you’re her girlfriend and starts giggling and kicking her feet.

I need to read some ff myself.

#the last of us #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams headcannons #ellie williams imagine #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x you #lesbian #wlw #ellie williams

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wannabehockeygf · 2 months

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Sweet Nothing - Cale Makar

“They said the end is comin’,

everyone’s up to somethin’,

I find myself running home to your

Sweet Nothings.”

Summary: Your boyfriend shows up when you’re babysitting for your sister, and you guys decide to play makeshift parents for a little while.

Word count: 2.8k

Pairing: Cale Makar x fem! reader

Warnings: nothing. just pure, heart wrenching fluff. (maybe alluding to sex? If that’s even a warning)

Notes: I don’t know why but I really like Christmas themed fics so here’s another one LOL. I’ve never written about Cale Makar but recently I’ve been obsessed with him and his little red cheeks he’s so cute!!

Not proof read/edited, as always!

And feel free to send me requests!

***

Nothing surprised you less than when your sister would call and ask for you to babysit.

It happened at least once a week, more often than not a Friday or Saturday night when she would go on a date with her husband, your brother-in-law. Looking at their relationship was always an immediate heart-wrench because you wondered if when one day you’re married with kids, if the love in the relationship would prevail like theirs, or…

Die. To put it plainly, you’ve seen it everywhere, and your sister’s relationship was the only thing you modelled your own after.

It was ten-thirty, two days before Christmas, and your nephew would not sleep. You tried everything, singing, reading stories, patting his back for what was literal hours, and nothing. You were about to lose your mind, chasing him as he shot out of his bed and ran – surprisingly fast, on his little legs – towards the front door that had just been knocked on. “Eli, get over here!” you hollered, but to no avail, because as soon as you turned the corner, he was clung to a man’s leg. Not just any man, but your boyfriend of two years who you had invited over as soon as his game was over, to spend time together that you’d had a hard time finding lately.

Moving in together was a conversation you’d had before, but you’d never been able to make it a reality because of outside factors. So, you were stuck trying to work around his hockey schedule and your work schedule, and that involved late nights like these while you babysat. Your sister was always okay with it, but today was the one day where her son wasn’t asleep yet.

“Woah there, buddy,” Cale laughed, shutting the door to prevent any more stray snowflakes from blowing inside. He crouched down, his wet winter boots squeaking against the smooth tile of the entryway as he held Eli’s small hands in larger ones and pouted at him. “What are you still doing up?”

Eli giggled, buzzing as he shook his head, “I don’t wanna sleep!” He declared, wide-eyed.

Cale’s shoulders slouched, and he gave Eli’s hands a little squeeze before looking up at you for context. He always knew his place, and this was another one of those times – he didn’t want to overstep with a kid that wasn’t his, or even yours for that matter.

You sighed, leaning against the wall, feeling the exhaustion of the night weighing on you although the sight of Cale and your nephew together melted your frustration a bit. “I’ve tried everything. He’s like a little energizer bunny tonight.”

Cale chuckled and stood up, taking off his winter boots before lifting Eli effortlessly into his arms. He smiled at him, tickling your nephew’s tummy, “Why won’t you sleep for your Auntie?” He questioned, a playful tone in his voice.

Eli giggled louder, his little hands clinging to Cale's sweater as he wriggled in his arms. “I’m not tired! I wanna open presents!”

Cale grinned, a twinkle in his eye. "Presents, huh? Well, Christmas is just a couple of days away, buddy. We have to wait a little longer." He bounced Eli gently, swaying back and forth before leaning in to give you a quick peck on your lips, “Before you ask, the game was good, and, I’m not injured,” He smiled, knowing what you were going to ask him. “I’ll take him back to bed, you take a minute for yourself, okay?”

You nodded, grateful for the respite. Watching Cale with Eli brought a warmth to your heart, a glimpse of what could be if your future mirrored your sister's. As Cale carried Eli back to his room, you sank into the couch, allowing yourself a moment to relax.

Cale’s deep voice drifted from the hallway as he continued to talk softly to Eli, calming the little boy with his presence. Your curiosity gets the better of you as you decide to walk over to the bedroom, standing outside as you look through the open crack.

Through the small crack in the door, you could see Cale carefully tucking Eli into his bed, his large hands moving with a surprising gentleness. He smoothed out the blanket, making sure Eli was snug and warm. Eli's eyes were still wide, but he seemed calmer now, his giggles subsiding into quiet murmurs as he spoke to Cale.

“What’s your favorite present ever, Cale?” Eli asked, his voice a whisper in the dim light of the room.

Cale sat down on the edge of the bed, his face thoughtful. “Hmm, that’s a tough one. But I think my favorite present was when I got my first pair of skates. I was about your age, maybe a little older. My dad gave them to me, and I couldn’t wait to try them out on the ice.”

Eli’s eyes widened even more. “Did you fall?”

Cale laughed softly, nodding. “Oh, I fell a lot. But I got back up every time. That’s how you get better at things, by not giving up.”

Eli seemed to mull this over, his little brow furrowing in concentration. “I want to skate too,” he said finally.

“Maybe we can take you skating one day, if it’s okay with your mom,” Cale suggested, ruffling Eli’s hair, “Would you like that?”

"Yeah! Mommy says I can skate when I'm bigger," Eli replies, his voice a mixture of eagerness and innocence.

Cale smiles warmly, his hand still gently ruffling Eli's hair. "That's awesome, buddy. When you're ready, we'll get you out on the ice. Maybe we can even get you a little hockey stick like mine."

Eli's face lights up at the mention of a hockey stick. "Yes! I want to play hockey like you!"

Cale chuckles softly, nodding in encouragement. "You've got plenty of time to learn. Hockey's a lot of fun,” He says, adjusting his position so he lays beside Eli, tucking him into his side, “Time to get some sleep, buddy.”

Eli reluctantly settles down, his eyelids drooping despite his protests of not being tired. He doesn’t speak for a while, but he eventually looks up at Cale. “Do you think Santa can bring me a little brother for Christmas?” He asks, as if it’s the most casual thing in the world.

Cale's eyes widened slightly at the unexpected question, and his jaw dropped slightly, but he quickly recovered. “I don’t know, buddy. Maybe if your parents asked him real nicely.”

Eli’s brows furrowed and he pouted at Cale. “I don’t wanna wait. I want someone to play with. What about you and Auntie?”

Cale's heart skipped a beat at Eli's innocent question, caught off guard by the unexpected turn in the conversation. He glanced at Eli with a tender smile, his voice softening as he replied, "Well, your Auntie and I haven't talked about that yet. But you know, sometimes these things take time."

Eli's expression turned thoughtful, his eyes searching Cale's face for clues. "But you like Auntie, right?"

Cale nodded gently, his hand resting on Eli's shoulder. "I do, Eli. Very much."

Eli seemed to ponder this for a moment, his small fingers playing with the edge of his blanket. “Do you kiss Auntie like you kissed her earlier?” he asked curiously.

Cale chuckled softly, a faint blush creeping onto his cheeks. “Sometimes, yes,” he admitted, his voice carrying a hint of affection, “When it’s just us, and we want to show each other how much we care about each other. But no kissing girls until you’re older, okay?”

Eli pondered this for a moment. "Are you gonna marry Auntie?" he asked innocently, his eyes searching Cale's face.

Cale's expression softened even more, a warm smile spreading across his lips. "You know, Eli, I really care about your Auntie a lot. And maybe one day, if she wants to, I'd like that very much."

Eli's eyes began to droop even more, the excitement and curiosity slowly giving way to the sleepiness he had been fighting all night. “Promise?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I promise,” Cale whispered, kissing the top of Eli’s head.

You watched from the doorway, a mixture of emotions swirling within you. Seeing Cale with your nephew, handling the situation with such care and affection, made you think about your future together. Could you see him as your husband? The father of your children? The thought brought a smile to your face.

Cale stayed exactly where he was, humming a soft tune until Eli's breathing steadied and he drifted off to sleep. As soon as Cale knew Eli was completely out, he let out a chuckle and called out to you. “Alright, stalker, make yourself known.”

You pushed the door open further, stepping into the room with a soft smile on your face. "Busted," you said playfully, crossing your arms over your chest.

Cale glanced up, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Caught in the act, huh? You’re quite the spy."

You chuckled, moving closer to where Cale was lying down on the small bed, Eli tucked into his side. "I couldn’t help it. You’re really good with him."

"Well, he's a great kid. Makes it easy," he said softly, reaching his other arm out toward you as he shuffled the two of them closer to the other side. “Come here.”

You moved closer, letting Cale pull you into the small space beside him. It was a tight fit, but you didn’t mind. The warmth from his body and the comfort of the moment made you feel at ease. You laid your head on his shoulder, feeling his arm wrap around you securely.

Cale shifted slightly, turning his head to plant a gentle kiss on your lips, “I could kiss you forever.” He mumbles, kissing you again, pulling you closer to him by your hip and very much trying to slip a little tongue in.

You giggled, feeling a rush of affection and happiness. “Not in front of the kid!” You joked, brushing Cale’s cheek with your thumb.

Cale grinned, planting a kiss on your jawline, “He doesn’t know that I have the most beautiful, caring, and sexy girlfriend ever,” he says, punctuating each phrase with a neck kiss, “Who I love so much.”

You let out a contented sigh, feeling the gentle pressure of Cale's kisses trail down your neck. “You’re impossible,” you murmured, though your heart swelled at his words. His declaration of love filled you with a warmth that chased away the exhaustion of the evening.

Cale chuckled, his breath tickling your skin. “Only for you,” he whispered, his voice low and sincere. He shifted again, making sure Eli was still asleep before pulling you even closer.

You nestled into his embrace, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath your cheek. The three of you lay there in a peaceful silence, the only sounds being Eli's soft breaths and the faint hum of the heater working to keep the winter chill at bay. It was a perfect moment, one that made you feel connected to Cale in a way you hadn't experienced before.

“You really think you’ll marry me one day?” you whispered, the question slipping out before you could stop yourself.

Cale paused, his breath warm against your hair as he held you close. "I do," he whispered back, his voice steady and full of conviction. "I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life."

You felt a surge of warmth and security wash over you, the kind that only Cale could provide. "Me too," you murmured, your fingers intertwining with his as you lay there, enveloped in the quiet stillness of the room.

“And,” Cale continued, brushing his hand through your hair, “I could never imagine spending my life with anyone but you. Seriously, you’re incredible.”

Your heart swelled at Cale's words, and you felt a flutter of excitement. The moment was so intimate, so full of promise, that you wanted to hold onto it forever. As you lay there, entwined with Cale and your sleeping nephew, you couldn't help but let your mind wander to the future, imagining a life filled with more moments like this.

"You’re incredible. I love you, Cale," you whispered, feeling the weight of the words settle between you.

Cale squeezed your hand gently, his eyes filled with warmth as he looked down at you. "I love you too. More than you know.”

Cale's words lingered in the air, a promise and a vision of a future you both yearned for. The weight of his affection settled into your bones, warming you from the inside out. You shifted slightly, pressing a soft kiss to his jawline as you murmured, "You're going to be an amazing dad, you know that?"

He chuckled softly, the sound reverberating through his chest. "I can only hope to be half as good as you’ll be a mom."

"I think we'll make a pretty great team," you whispered, cuddling closer to him.

Cale pressed a kiss to your forehead, his fingers tracing gentle patterns on your back. "No doubt about that."

As the room grew quieter, the soft hum of the heater and Eli's steady breathing creating a peaceful lullaby, you felt a sense of calm settle over you. It was a moment you wanted to freeze in time, where everything felt just right.

But then, the door creaked more open as you forced open your heavy eyelids to see your sister standing at the doorway, arms crossed. “Well well well, if it isn’t Mr. and Mrs. Makar.”

You jolted slightly, startled by your sister's sudden appearance. Cale, however, took it in stride, turning his head and giving her a sheepish grin. "Hey, didn’t hear you come in," he said softly, not wanting to wake Eli.

Your sister smirked, stepping further into the room and whispering, "Looks like you’ve got everything under control here. I wasn’t expecting to see a little family bonding moment."

You blushed, feeling a mix of embarrassment and affection. "Eli was a bit of a handful tonight," you explained, glancing at the sleeping boy. "Cale really helped calm him down."

"Seems like he did a great job," your sister said, her expression softening. She looked at Cale with a hint of approval. "Get your own kid, though." She joked.

Cale laughed softly, careful not to wake Eli. "Working on it," he replied, giving you a playful wink. “But, in the meantime, I’m happy to be uncle Cale. He really wants to play hockey, you know.”

Your sister chuckled, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "Of course, he does. Can't stop talking about it lately.”

Cale raised his eyebrows, his expression slightly surprised. “Really? What d’you mean?”

Your sister waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, please. Eli adores you, and he can’t stop talking about ‘Auntie’s boyfriend who plays hockey’. We can’t miss an Avs game on TV without him throwing a fit.”

You exchanged a warm smile with Cale, feeling a rush of pride and affection. "Looks like you have a little fan," you teased, nudging him gently.

Cale chuckled, glancing down at Eli. "Well, I guess I'll have to make sure he gets to see a game in person someday."

Your sister leaned against the doorframe, her expression softening further. "You know, it's really nice to see you two together like this. Eli's lucky to have both of you in his life."

You felt a swell of emotion at her words, and you reached out to squeeze Cale's hand. "We're lucky to have him too. And each other."

Your sister smiled, her eyes glistening with emotion. "Alright, I should let you two get some rest. Thanks for taking care of him tonight. It means a lot."

Cale nodded, his voice gentle. "Anytime. You know we're here for you."

With a final smile, you and Cale stepped out, leaving your sister with her son in the room. As you two bundled up for the winter weather by the front door, Cale unexpectedly wraps his arms around you from behind which made you giggle. “My place or yours tonight, baby?” He whispers, his breath tickling your ear.

You leaned back into Cale's embrace, a soft smile playing on your lips. "How about yours? I've got a feeling we won't be getting much sleep tonight anyway," you said playfully, turning your head to plant a quick kiss on his cheek.

Cale chuckled, his breath warm against your ear. "Sounds like a plan," he murmured, giving you a gentle squeeze before speaking again, “One more thing,” he asks, meeting your gaze.

You turned in Cale’s arms to face him fully, curiosity piqued by his serious tone. “What’s up?” you asked, searching his eyes.

He smiled widely as he spoke:

“What’s your ring size?”

#colorado avalanche #Cale Makar #cale makar fic #nhl x reader #nhl imagine #nhl fanfiction #nhl fic #Cale Makar fanfiction #Cale Makar x reader #cm8

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writerblue275 · 8 months

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How the Heartsteel members would take care of a sick/injured S/O.

Inspiration: Extremely self-serving, but I don’t care. I’m currently in the midst of a chronic illness episode. For me that involves an ungodly headache that can last for straight days, if not weeks, and other bs. All because my body can’t handle sodium 😭. If I don’t do something to distract myself, I’m going to cry, and I’d rather not do that, so here we gooooo.

Genre: Headcanon

Type: Fluff (very very slight angst in the concept [if you squint] just because you don’t feel good).

Gender: Gender Neutral Reader

Tw: None! This is pure fluff. 🥰

Aphelios

Aphelios would actually be a great caretaker.

I think a lot of this comes from an excellent example. We know Alune took care of Aphelios when he was injured/after his surgeries. Since he was the recipient of her wonderful care, he knows what to do.

Extremely prepared. He’ll work from your place as much as possible so he can be close by (he has that little mobile keyboard set up shown in his “what’s in my bag” pic). Excellent at running out to grab supplies/medication (I feel like he has an excellent memory so you just need to tell/show him something once). Also phenomenal at making sure you take your meds on schedule and changing any dressings/wraps.

If for some reason an extra set of hands is needed or Phel needs further advice on how to best care for you, you know who he’s texting? Alune! She is happy to help however she can because you’re her friend too and she hates knowing you’re sick/in pain.

I feel like Phel’s immune system is pretty strong so even if you were contagious, he’d cuddle you. If he was really worried, there’s always his mask. (Makes my public health heart sing.) He has many extras so you can snag one too in order to be doubly safe. You get those healing cuddles!

Ezreal

This is where Ezreal’s typical golden retriever energy is extra useful!!

Like genuinely I think Ez is a really really sweet “nurse” and will do an excellent job of taking care of you. Or at the very least, he’s great at distracting you and making you smile so you don’t feel as shitty/in pain.

I can’t see Ez cooking tbh (mood), but he is more than happy to order delivery/run to grab whatever carry out whenever you want it. If he can’t do it because he needs to stay with you for some reason, he’s texting Alune and the boys and practically begging them to help him out. (One of them always does. They love you and want you to heal.)

Also happy to run out to grab whatever supplies you need. This sweet green bean is so eager to help you heal that not only will he grab what you ask for, he’ll also grab other things that you might not need. He’s of the mindset it’s better to be overprepared rather than underprepared.

I can’t see Ezreal wanting to cuddle if you’re contagious, tbh, which is fair, but he’ll definitely make sure you have all the blankets and pillows you need. He will sit near-ish to you though and hold your hand. And if you’re not contagious? Oh he’s clinging to you as much as you want him to.

Kayn

Ok…so…this isn’t Kayn’s specialty as a partner, let’s be honest here.

Kayn is an amazing partner in so many other ways, but he’s not exactly...naturally nurturing? BUT that doesn’t mean he’s not going to try. He knows you need him, so he’s really going to put in a lot of effort to try and take care of you as best he can. (This secretly sweet rockstar!)

Kayn might fake grumble about it, but he will definitely go out and get whatever supplies you need. You may need to take a picture of a label/find one on the internet but he’s got you! (“Baby, there are so many CHOICES. How do I know which is the right one? I don’t want to get something you don’t need!”)

The first time you were sick/injured and he was with you, he texted the HS group chat for advice on how to take care of you and shocked everyone. (That was the moment the rest of HS knew Kayn was really head over heels for you. 🥹 <- Their faces as they read the texts.)

One thing I cannot see him doing is cuddling you when you’re sick (unless you’re not contagious). He doesn’t want to get sick himself. He will tuck you in and give you surprisingly soft forehead kisses though. He says they’re to check your temp but you know they’re to show he cares.

K’Sante

K’Sante is another member who just gives off such excellent and caring vibes. He has to come from a big, close-knit family, because he gives eldest brother vibes through and through.

Because of this, he’s perfect at taking care of you when you’re sick or injured. He’s done the same thing for his siblings/cousins many times.

Even though Sett is officially the best cook, I still fully believe K’Sante can throw down in the kitchen. Whenever possible, he’s making everything from scratch for you. You deserve it, after all. His meals alone will have you starting to feel way better.

He is fully stocked on OTC meds, ice packs, bandages, whatever you need. As a gym bro, K’Sante can get pretty sore, so he’s already got that stuff around for himself. Also, anything you need picked up, he’s got that taken care of.

As the eldest who took care of his younger family members, K’Sante’s immune system is PREPARED. Unless it is before a really big event, he would be fine cuddling you, even if you’re contagious. If it is close to a big event then he’s understandably a little more hesitant (he does have obligations to HS) but he’ll still be nearish to you and hold your hand so you know he’s there.

Sett

Ooooooh baby this is Sett’s time to fucking SHINE.

He was raised by his incredible Ma! Like of course Sett’s going to be really fucking good at taking care of you. (He already does an excellent job of doing that when you’re not sick/injured.)

We know he’s the best cook in the group so homemade soup/whatever comfort food you want/need you will have and it will be delicious. Really good about reminding you to take any meds you need to (he sets a reminder in his phone). Also fully stocked on OTC meds, medical wraps, ice packs, etc. Like he is PREPARED. (Perks of loving a gym bro.)

Happy to give you cuddles if that will help. I feel like Sett is another member that has an immune system of steel, so even if you’re sick, he’s still cuddling you if you want him to. (You definitely do like 95% of the time because how could you not?? Sett cuddles sound fucking elite!)

Worst-case scenario and you get sick while he’s traveling? He makes sure you are in the very best hands possible and sends in the big guns. That’s right, he has Ma come over to check on you/stay with you if need be (which she is happy to do because she adores you and loves how happy you make her son).

Yone

I think Yone would be a phenomenal “nurse!”

He might come across as cold/intimidating to those who don’t know him, but you always bring the soft side of him out. That’s totally applicable when you’re sick. Sweet Yone incoming!!

He cared for his younger brother Yasuo when he was sick or injured, so he is well versed in what supplies are useful for a multitude of ailments. Is well stocked on all of it too. If for some reason you need something and he doesn’t have it, he’s remedying that ASAP.

I’ve been thinking about whether or not Yone cooks. My gut says not really besides breakfast food. While he’s not going to make you homemade soup/your comfort food, you bet he’s asking Sett or K’Sante to make some for you. (They’re happy to do so. You keep your their producer sane. Helping you is self-preservation 😂.)

While he’s likely been injured many times, I feel like this beautiful motherfucker (affectionate!!) has never been ill a day in his life. His immune system is just that strong. Whatever the issue, he is down to give you whatever cuddles you desire. (I’m bringing back my headcanon of cuddly Yone and NO ONE CAN STOP ME 😋.) Enjoy the forehead kisses and sweet little verbal check-ins.

#heartsteel #heartsteel headcanons #heartsteel x reader #reader insert #headcanon #heartsteel aphelios #heartsteel ezreal #heartsteel kayn #heartsteel k'sante #heartsteel sett #heartsteel yone #heartsteel fluff

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morganbritton132 · 1 year

Note

I love that Eddie is a craft guy! It just makes so much sense. Do you think he's one of those people who is CONSTANTLY doing a new craft and their house is just littered with Eddie's crafts, and he's always making little hand made gifts for Steve, the party and the band? I can totally imagine Steve coming home and the house just being in total disarray and Eddie's just like "I made a bird table and i personalised all your coffee cups :))"

Eddie Munson and the ADHD urge to start a new project before you finished the last one.

Despite Eddie’s big personality and the joy he gets galivanting across cafeteria tables and award show stages, he is very much a homebody. His favorite places growing up was his bedroom, Gareth’s garage, and the drama room where he hosted D&D. Then he went on tour and when the shows were over, he just wanted to be home.

He liked being able to strip away the Eddie Munson persona, sit down, and channel all the ideas in his head into a creative output.

Honestly, making money just made it worse. He can afford shit now.

Steve’s the opposite though.

Steve likes to be out of the house. He was a kid that lived in a big house with parents that never wanted to see or hear him, sometimes year-round sports were the only thing keeping him sane. Once Eddie made it big and was touring, Steve was once again alone in a big empty house and so he found things to do.

He meets up with Robin at least once a week to get dinner and drinks, and sometimes they go dancing or they sing karaoke. Him and Dustin meet up semi-regularly to catch up. He was a part of their neighborhood walking group before Diane annoyed him out of it. He goes bowling with some teachers from work occasionally and takes a pottery class that he sucks at. Him and Max are a part of a trivia team that has only ever succeeded at being the drunkest team in the game.

So, the combination of ‘Steve is 90% of my impulse control and he’s not here right now’ and ‘If I don’t create something, I will die’ means that sometimes Steve comes home to a new windchime or a questionably made bird house.

Sometimes he comes home to Eddie embroidering one of his jackets by hand even though he bought an embroidery machine that he has never used. Other times, he comes home and Eddie has carved every bar of soap they had into a little fucked-up guy or he found a recorder and wants to play Steve a song.

Or sometimes, Steve returns home from the cooking class he’s taking at their local community center to beads. Beads everywhere.

Beads in the carpet. Beads on the hardwood. Beads in their shoes by the stairs. Beads everywhere.

Steve – who is pretty Type-A about their house being clean and organized because he has a shit memory and needs to be able to find things – very calmly sits aside the ravioli that he made and says, “Eddie, what the fuck?”

“I dropped them.”

Steve makes a gesture like ‘yeah, no shit’ and then just makes a distressed noise, but Eddie waves him off as he dumps a handful of beads into the good punch bowl that they use for parties, “Don’t blame me. Your cat tripped me. I nearly brained myself.”

“She’s only my cat when she’s bad,” Steve sighs, sitting down to help pick the beads up. “Why do you have beads anyways? Since when do we have beads?”

“Do you remember those beaded lizard keychains?” Eddie asks, and then when all he got was silence. “I’m going to make you one…after we pick up two thousand pony beads.”

Steve makes another noise that’s somewhere between ‘you’re causing me actual pain’ and ‘I love you so much it makes me stupid’ and Eddie grins at him. He gestures to the punch bowl and says, “Stevie, think about it. Once we fill this bad boy up, we can separate the beads by color. That’ll be fun, right?”

“…Yeah, I’d actually really like that.”

#Steve is a bar of soap guy and it’s the worst thing about him #Meanwhile Joan is doing her damnest to make her dads spend quality time together #eddie munson tiktok saga #steve harrington #eddie munson #joan the disservice cat

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skyjasper · 7 months

Text

Imagine Being Loved By Me

Gwynriel: Talk by Hozier

COMPLETELY INSPIRED BY @avabrynne !!!

This idea comes completely from @avabrynne !! Great thanks to her for letting me use this prompt!!!

Masterlist

Summary: Gwyn and Azriel had been tiptoeing around her connection for almost a year now. The night before summer solstice the group goes out to Rita’s. Things finally snap for them when Azriel sings her a song.

Warnings: light NSFW, other than that nothing!! Complete fluff!!

Word count:3270

~~~

It was the week of summer solstice which meant the glorious city of Velaris was bustling with parties and celebrations. Gwyn had been comfortable enough to start going out with her girls and the inner circle by last winter solstice after Nesta and Cassian got together.

So here she sat in Nesta's room getting ready with Mor, Emerie, Nesta, and Feyre. She sat on the bed watching as Nesta moved her hair into a lovely ponytail. Nesta's eyes met hers through the mirror.

“Come on Gwyn, let's find you a dress, Mor can you do her makeup?” She turned to the blonde and waited for a nod before walking off to her wardrobe. Gwyn moved into the stool that sat in front of Nesta's vanity, staring at Mor evaluating her.

“Let’s make you irresistible, maybe you’ll find a lovely suitor.” Mor’s brows wiggled with intention as Gwyn’s cheeks flushed.

She didn’t tell anyone about her small crush on the court's shadow singer, nor did she tell anyone about their midnight training sessions. She nodded her head to Mor with a smile.

“Oh, I haven’t even thought about that. Where are we even going tonight?” She asked as Mor applied a Smokey line of Khol to her eyes.

“Rita’s is having a live singing night tonight so we are going to go and force the boys to sing,” Feyre spoke from her spot next to Gwyn.

“All the boys?” She poked her head to look at Feyre before Mor grabbed her chin to guide her back to where she needed.

“That’s the goal!” Feyre's happy voice chipped.

“I found the perfect dress!” Nesta shouted before coming out of her closet with a mid-length silk dress that was the same shade of blue as her priestess robes. A gorgeous number that had Gwyn melting at the idea of wearing such a delicate piece on her body.

“That’s gorgeous Nes, I can’t possibly take that from you.” She whispered as if her voice would hurt the dress.

“Gwyn, I don’t even know why I have this dress, it certainly is not my color.” Nesta shrugged before moving to place the dress over a chair.

“Hey, Gwyn?” Emorie came to sit next to the nymph.

“Yes Em?”

“You remember when we went and you bought those lacy underthings even though you knew you weren’t gonna wear them?” She whispered only loud enough for the two of them to hear.

“Yes, I got them because they gave me power over myself, even though I have no reason to wear them they make me feel pretty,” Gwyn responded, currently applying a reddish-pinkish colored lip salve.

“Well… they would be perfect to wear under this dress.” Emorie shrugged. Gwyn paused, contemplating it, after a hesitant moment she nodded and stood to ask the house to retrieve them.

Once she was in the bathroom with the dress and her underthings she quickly changed. She pulled on the light blue lacy underthings before slipping on the matching slip for it. She took a second to observe herself in the mirror, reminding herself of her affirmations. I am the rock against which the surf crashes. Nothing can break me.

She pulled on the tight piece of silk, marveling at how it hugged her form to her waist before slightly tapering out into a lovely flowing skirt. The neckline was something she hadn’t seen before, the fabric was rippled in a purposeful way to look like loose silk when in fact it was not. It gave her a sight of her cleavage, her breasts were not large but they were at least a handful. The skirt had a dangerously high slight that came to rest at mid-thigh. As she laced the back her waist became more accentuated.

Gwyn took a second to take in the sight of herself and how beautiful she looked. The light blue- almost iridescent- silk showed off her slight tan from training and her vibrant hair. Even her freckles seemed more prominent.

“You ok in there Gwyn?” Nesta's voice asked, laden with concern from the other side of the door. Gwyn walked over to the door and opened it.

“Yeah, I’m ok. Are you sure this dress isn’t too much for tonight?” Gwyn asked shyly.

“No this is perfect! You look gorgeous Gwyn! Let’s do your hair.” Came Feyres voice from behind Nesta who was still staring at Gwyn with her jaw open.

“You look absolutely stunning Gwinnie. I know a certain male who is going to explode when he sees you.” Nesta told her while pulling her back to the vanity.

Gwyn took a second to mull over Nesta's words as one of the girls put two thin braids in her hair at the front before pulling it up into a ponytail, one braid running on each side.

“Who do you mean Nes?” Gwyn finally found the courage to ask, hoping she doesn’t sound as hopeful as she is.

“Oh come on Gwyn, we all know the shadow singer holds a certain appreciation for you, we see the way he looks at you. And those midnight training sessions, he’s never done that with anyone.” Mor spoke from behind her as she applied perfume oils to her skin.

“Wh-what, I don’t know what you are on about. Az and I are certainly just friends.” Gwyn blushed at the implication.

“If that’s what you think.” Emorie chuckled.

~~~

More and Feyre winnowed all of them to Rita’s. The girls ordered a round of drinks while waiting for the males. Not five seconds after their drinks were in hand did they hear the unmistakable sound of Cassian’s laugh.

They all turned towards the sound, finding Rhys dressed in his normal dress pants and a button-down, Cassain in typical pants and a loose top. Gwen slightly choked on her drink when her gaze ran across Azriel, he was hardly ever seen outside of his leathers, but tonight he wore black tight jeans and a black shirt that hugged his muscles, his wings standing proud and his black hair a bit messy. He looked more than edible, and when his gaze found Gwyn staring her cheeks blushed.

Azriel was the first to move towards them, his head dipping in acknowledgment to the girls before his eyes raked over Gwyn's form. His gaze moved down her body slowly, taking in each and every element of the gorgeous nymph. Azriel had always been attracted to Gwyneth and not just her beautiful looks but her intelligence as well. She was the only one who matched him, who challenged him in all ways, intellectually, in the ring, and all other aspects. Gwyn never failed to turn every interaction into a game.

When he finally came face to face with Gwyn he could only think of one thing to say.

“You look absolutely stunning, Gwyneth.”

A blush quickly rose on her already pink cheeks, her entire neck now heating at his compliment.

“You as well Shadow singer. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you outside of your leathers.” She smiled at him, not noticing her friends staring at the two of them. Azriels eyes slightly widened at her words, taking them in a different way.

“Not like that Az!” Gwyn laughed out. “I just meant you are always wearing your leathers, I’ve never seen you in casual clothing. It looks good.” She explained herself as the left side of his lips twitched.

“I understand Berdara.” He shook his head. He leaned over Gwen’s small form to get the bartender’s attention.

Gwen’s eyes stuck to his chest and his very prominent pecs. She turned her head to the girls before sliding out from under the shadow singer, reaching out and hugging Cassian.

“Gwinnie.” He shouted before patting her head.

“Cass.” She laughed, “Have you already had some drinks?”

“Oh absolutely, Rhys and I finished a good bit of scotch, Azzie insisted on being sober until we got here.” He continued before moving over to his wife and mate, whispering something in her ear that made her blush.

Gwyn said her hellos to the high lord before they all moved to find a booth tucked away somewhere. They all moved in, Feyre and Rhys on the innermost part, on their right were Nesta and Cassian, and on their left were Emorie and Mor, which left Gwyn and Az to sit together. He stood to the side waiting for her to slide into the booth.

She felt his gaze on her back, by now she had already finished her first drink and was feeling the effects of it. Her skin flushed with the heat of the alcohol, her grace already a bit more clumsy. Gwyneth Berdara was and always had been a lightweight.

Azriel slid in next to her, his thigh meeting hers. His shadows slid over her legs and up one of her arms, curling themselves around her as they always do in her presence. Her light giggle hit him hard. He turned his head to find her playing with the shadows as they moved all over her arms.

“Ok, shall we kick this night off with some singing?!” Mor clapped from her seat, startling Gwyn.

“Who’s first?” Feyre asked, looking around the table.

“Gwyn should go first. I’d kill to hear your voice again.” Azriel muttered the last part only loud enough for her to hear.

“Oh no, I’m already tipsy. I don't think it’d be that good.” She chuckled nervously, silently praying to the mother it wouldn’t have to be her.

“I’ll save you Gwinnie, I’ll go first. Don’t fret you’re next Gwinnie.” Cassian rumbled, trying and almost failing to stand and get out of the booth.

Cass semi-stumbled his way to the stage, asking for the projecting device and introducing himself. Rita’s erupted in cheers as Cassian started to sing a newer song about senseless love and nonsense. Something that Bryce chick had taught him.

“Gwyneth…” Azriel drew in a whisper, “Why wouldn’t you sing? You have a beautiful voice.”

“I am not nearly drunk enough to sing in front of all of these people. Maybe later tonight.” She shrugged in response, turning her head towards the shadow singer, not realizing how close he was.

“Speaking of, would you be a doll and go get me a new drink Azzie.” She mocked Cassian’s use of the nickname.

He chuckled and nodded before slipping out of the booth, walking with his head high through the crowd, power radiating off his body. When she turned back into the booth she saw Nesta and Feyre staring at her.

“What?”

“What?!” Feyre mocked. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Azriel give this many smiles in public before.” She said, sipping on her drink.

“Oh hush, he’s just comfortable because he’s around his family.” Gwyn lied smoothly. “Plus maybe it’s just because I’m that funny” She mockingly flipped her ponytail, freezing when she felt it his something, or someone.

She turned and saw Az standing there with two drinks and a raised eyebrow looking down at her. Azriel had always towered over Gwyn but with her sitting in the low booth and him standing she was face to face with his stomach. She winced before scooting over to let him in.

“Hush.” She muttered before taking her drink out of his hand and chugging it.

“At this rate, you’ll be drunker than Cassian in no time,” Emorie spoke from her side of the table.

“Maybe I need to be so you all will be somewhat tolerable.” She replied with a thick layer of sass. Rhysand let out a deep chuckle, turning back to Feyre as they engaged in a silent conversation.

She felt a large hand run over the length of her ponytail, toying with the ends. She turned to look at the shadow singer as he stared at her.

“Can I help you?” Her eyebrow hiked up as his hand glided over the back of her neck, resting there as if it were normal.

“If I sing will you?” His deep voice asked, sending shivers through Gwen’s body.

She was speechless, Azriel had only ever sung for her once, granted his voice was beautiful, but he had said he doesn’t often do it in front of people.

“I suppose that is a fair deal. But first, since Cassian is finally done torturing the crowd with his voice let’s dance!” She clapped, standing quickly and swaying from the rush. Azriel’s scarred hands found themselves on her waist to help stabilize her. She smiled down at him before forcing everyone else to dance.

The song was something upbeat and fun, after Bryce had left to fight her war she came back with a gift, the swords, and these things called speakers that connected to one of her phones, she had also given them a large amount of batteries so it would last them while they studied the devices to replicate them. It made them all quite happy to have a new form of music, though some people were skeptical.

Gwyn grabbed Azriel’s hand and dragged him to the area of people dancing. She was a giggling, bubbly mess, and the shadow singer loved it. He had never seen her so unrestrained, save for their conversations while no one was around. Azriel cherished those conversations, he replayed them constantly in his hand, his heart fluttering at the memory of her bright smiles and sassy jokes.

With all regard abandoned Gwyneth danced, moving her body in a way that wasn’t meant to be sensual, but to the intoxicated shadow singer, was so enchanting. His shadows whispered to him about holding her ponytail around his fist as he thrust into her from behind, or about sliding the top of her dress down and watching her beautiful breast bounce. He quickly shook his head to rid himself of the thoughts and mask his scent. He didn’t used to have fantasies about Gwyn, but recently most of his nights are spent in a cold bath.

Azriel did not dance, he stood there like a guard to Gwyn, and when she noticed she stopped dancing. She moved her way to Azriel, wrapping her arms around her neck to raise herself to his ear.

“Why aren’t you dancing Azriel?” Her sultry voice spoke into his ear. Azriel stifled a groan at the sound of his name out of her mouth.

“I don’t dance, you know that Gwyneth.” He responded, placing his hands back on her hips to keep her steady.

“But Az…” she whined, dragging out the Z in his name, sending truly impure thoughts into his filthy brain.

“Gwyneth.” He spoke curtly with a voice so low she thought she might be imagining it.

He placed her on the floor before looking up, trying to regain his composure and restraint. He let go of her before walking up to the stage. He looked back at Gwyn and watched as her eyes widened as he took the amplifier.

He waited for the crowd to calm down before starting without any music.

I'd be the voice that urged Orpheus

When her body was found,

Gwyn stared at him as his beautiful voice started to sing a song she hadn’t heard before.

I'd be the choiceless hope in grief

That drove him underground,

Gwyn felt Nesta slide next to her, also completely enamored by Azriel's voice.

I'd be the dreadful need in the devotee

That made him turn around,

“How did you convince him to sing?” She whispered, barely audible, so as to not disturb the delicate song.

And I'd be the immediate forgiveness

In Eurydice.

“I didn’t.” She responded, making eye contact with Nesta as he sang the next line.

Imagine being loved by me!

Gwyn felt something pool inside of her stomach. She had spent many late nights in the bathing chambers, pleasuring herself to the thought of the shadow singer.

I won't deny I've got in my mind now all the things we'd do

So I'll try to talk refined for fear that you find out how I'm imaginin' you

Not once did Azriels gaze stray from Gwyn, not as he watched every emotion fly across her face, or as the heat rose in her cheeks at the implication of the words he sang.

He moved on to the next line as Gwyn stood there staring back at him. Suddenly, as he reached the end of the last verse, everyone else disappeared. It was just her and him as he wholeheartedly sang the words.

I won't deny I've got in my mind now all the things I would do

So I'll try to talk refined for fear that you find out how I'm imaginin' you

Azriel watched as realization flicked upon Gwyn's eyes. Her chest and neck started to flush the same color as her cheeks. The same flush he had imagined in his mind as he stared up at her from between her legs.

Gwyn's eyes flicked back over Azriels form as she realized he was single-handedly singing to her. Heat raked through her as she recalled the lyrics.

“I’ll be back Nesta.” She whispered breathlessly, turning and walking quickly to the back hall where there was an exit into the alleyway.

She rested her head against the brick wall, her heart beating wildly and her breath completely gone. She closed her eyes as she ran back through all of their interactions, screaming at herself for being so naive and blind.

She opened her eyes as she heard the door she came through open and close. Azriel was standing there, something like fear on his face as he waited for her response. All Gwyn could think to do was to walk up to him and kiss him.

Her arms flew around his neck as their kiss became hungry and passionate. Gwyn's hands found one of her thighs, pulling one leg up to his hip as he walked them so her back was against the wall. He broke the kiss, staring at her.

“Gwyneth.” He whispered.

“Azriel.” She whispered back, her lips ghosting against his. This time it was him smashing his lips to her, pushing her against the wall as one of his hands tangled itself in her ponytail.

“Wait. Gwyn, are you sure? Are you sure you want this? Us? I know I’m not the most honorable male, and I definitely don’t have a clean past.” He asked her.

“Azriel. I have wanted this since I cut that ribbon, I have wanted you since we started our training sessions and I found out just how beautiful your soul is. I don’t give a crap about your past, mine is definitely not clean. And those hands that you despise so much are the same hands that saved me, the same hands that taught me how to defend myself and reclaim my power, and hopefully the same hands that will make me cum.” She stared up at him as his hands flexed against her skin.

“Thank fucking gods, we can have a more meaningful conversation later, right now I just need to kiss you. Is that ok?” Before his sentence was fully out of his mouth Gwyn was nodding.

Azriel continued their kiss, pulling her leg tighter around his hips. The hand that was in her hair came down to her other thigh and tapped at it, signaling for her to jump. They were both breathless as they broke the kiss.

“Thank you, Gwyn.” He whispered, staring into her beautiful blue eyes.

“For what?”

“For showing me that I’m not ruined.” He smiled at her, a wide bright smile that carried across his whole face.

That damned dress.

~~~~

Note: I think this concept was so cute!!! I love writing Gwyriel!! Don’t worry I didn’t forget about the fics I promised!! They are coming, this was just my contribution to Gwynriel weeks!!

@gwynrielweeksofficial (their first kiss!!))

Taglist:

@littlelunatica @going-through-shit @annaaaaa88 @i-am-infinite @impossibelle

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dreamofbona · 1 year

Text

enhypen as fathers - hyung line

summary: a collection of thoughts on each of hyung line being fathers

note: implied relationship between enha and the reader. i wrote it so the reader can have any pronouns, so i hope all engenes feel like they can read this!

warnings: none?

word count: 1.2 k

HEESEUNG enjoys playing more than the kids. He’s the one who asks for five more minutes to play cars or build Legos. He’s a true child at heart, especially at home where he doesn’t have to worry about the members.

HEESEUNG also passes on his love for music - singing lullabies, humming on long car rides, taking the kids to concerts (both his and others’). He loves his family karaoke nights, and loves hearing the kids sing or play instruments, always encouraging them and supporting them.

HEESEUNG always makes time for the kids. Think working from home if he’s writing music, or making “take your kid to work day” a regular thing. He loves taking them to the studio, teaching them what buttons to push, and letting them mess around with recording on the mic.

HEESEUNG thinks he’s an excellent father, citing past experience “raising Niki” (who he refuses to let babysit but that’s another story), and even though you like to joke that he isn’t, you can’t help but agree. He’s a model father, and you think the kids are so lucky to have him.

HEESEUNG refuses to let the ENHYPEN members babysit (with the exception of JAY) - some have messed up in the past, and others were never trusted from the beginning.

(jungwon didn’t put the kids to sleep because he wanted to stay up; sunoo got distracted with the good lighting in the kitchen; niki was playing violent video games; sunghoon and jake were never trusted to begin with)

HEESEUNG goes all out for all the holidays - he’ll dress up as Santa, and comes up with the most elaborate Halloween costumes. He loves doing themed costumes with the family as well.

JAY has always wanted to be a father. Growing up an only child, he’d always wanted multiple kids, so they could have the close sibling bond he’d always craved.

JAY is usually a mature adult, but not when the kids are fighting. You think he enjoys watching them argue, calling each other silly insults - “farthead”, “butthole”. He never bothers breaking up their fights - “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” - and instead tries to get you to bet with him on who’ll win tonight’s argument. You’re interested to see what he says when they get older and start swearing.

JAY insists on family cooking nights at least once a week. He enjoys teaching the kids to cook, and cooking with them. He also hardcore judges them for their interesting choices when it comes to pizza toppings.

JAY loves cooking for the kids as well. If you can’t find him, you know he’ll be in the kitchen, working on a meal or a snack or dessert. You love the smile on his face when the kids take a freshly baked cookie and tell him it’s great - his eyes crinkle up and his grin is bright and he looks like he just won the lottery.

JAY also loves tucking the kids in - he’ll read them stories, sing them lullabies, strum on his guitar before wishing them a good night.

(you’re thankful for that as well because jay’s usually the one they wake up if they have nightmares - you get to carry on with your beauty sleep)

JAY loves getting gifts for the kids so much that it’s a problem. You argue with him on this all the time - “they’re 5, jay, they don’t need designer”. He’ll just respond with “I can’t help myself, Prada has such cute outfits”. He insists on making sure the kids are dressed well, and you can’t help but smile at how cute it is to see Jay acting like their stylist.

JAKE balances his roles of “father” and “friend” really well. He’s extremely playful - always ready to play-fight or build Legos or have a tea party - but won’t hesitate to switch to “dad-mode” should a fight break out or a bad word be said. He’s still sweet though - “don’t repeat that word again sweetie”.

JAKE is the kids’ number one fan (you and him argue over that title all the time). No matter how busy he is, he’s always cheering them on, whether it be a soccer match or a dance recital.

(he’s “gotten sick” on several content-shooting days just to jump up and down at a sports game)

JAKE wants the kids to explore so they can find their passions. He introduces them to soccer, singing, violin, but doesn’t hold them to it - “they were my passions, so i think you should look into them, but they don’t have to be yours too”. He’s more than happy to cheer them on for basketball or trumpet as well.

JAKE loves going for family walks. Jake, you, the kids, and the family dog, strolling around the neighborhood on a nice day. Jake will challenge the kids to naming different types of clouds, and he’ll throw back his head and laugh when they come up with ridiculous names.

JAKE is the most supportive person ever, and you think that the kids are so lucky to have him. He understands how important it is to have supportive parents, considering his journey to becoming an idol, so he always supports you and the kids in everything you do - trying out a new activity, taking a challenging class, having a long day at work. He’s always there for his family.

JAKE becomes more confident after becoming a father as well. You think he was a little insecure about his voice before - “I wish I sounded like Heeseung hyung” he’s said on more than one occasion - but the kids (and you) are enamored with his voice, always insisting that he sing on long car rides and before going to sleep.

SUNGHOON loves taking the kids skating. In the winter, he’ll regularly take them to the local ice rink, and teach them to skate. He abandons his fancy twists and jumps, opting rather to hold his kids’ hands, and teach them how to glide across the ice.

SUNGHOON is a constant, steadying force in the family. He’s not always talking, but you and the kids always know he’s there for you. At dinner, he’ll sit quietly, listening carefully as the kids recount their days at school, smiling at the fun parts, and threatening violence when he hears about mean kids or annoying teachers.

SUNGHOON insists on family dance battles. Some nights after dinner, he’ll have everyone gather in the den, and start playing music. He always looks so happy just to be doing something fun with the people he loves.

SUNGHOON is very cheesy in that he loves the “typical family things”. He insists on nice photoshoots for greeting cards during the holidays - he’ll book a date, buy coordinating outfits. He’s also a sucker for the traditional family road trip, beach day, ski trip.

SUNGHOON is so sweet on those previously mentioned ski trips. He’ll hold everyone's hands on the chairlifts, making sure everyone feels comfortable. He’s more than happy to help you and the kids get down the mountain, and won’t hesitate to wipe out on purpose to make you and the kids smile.

SUNGHOON is also the kind of guy who will regularly quote Lilo and Stitch - “Ohana means family, and family means that no one gets left behind.” He’s really sweet, and cheesy, and you and the kids love him for that.

#hyung line as fathers #enhypen #enhypen fic #enhypen x reader #enhypen hyung line #enhypen fluff #heeseung #heeseung x reader #jay #jay x reader #jake #jake x reader #sunghoon #sunghoon x reader

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poetrysmackdown · 9 months

Text

some informal thoughts

hello! hope the holiday season has been kind to all of you. and i hope all my jewish followers had a lovely hanukkah! anyways, since i said a few months ago that i’d pick poetry smackdown back up sometime around this time of year, i thought i should make a post. the gist of it is that i’m still quite busy, i have a break that’s about three weeks shorter than I was planning on, and i don’t currently have the mental bandwidth required to read, contemplate, and sort through poem submissions in a way that does justice to them, even if i were to recruit some friends to help out. since running a tournament format requires at least five weeks of continued engagement once it’s underway, and since i’m not at capacity to offer that right now due to the change in my schedule, i’m gonna have to bow out for now. sad bc i was looking forward to it!

my hope is that i’ll have some more time over the summer to hunker down with it, in which case you’ll be hearing from me. it’ll frankly depend on the kind of job i land in for the summer, but i find that my unemployed spirit can typically keep me doing stupid shit regardless of workload...to a point. i don’t want to make any promises because i don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up just to let them down again LOL. i do admit the amount of exposure the first tournament got has made me feel like more of a perfectionist this time around, doubly because i don’t feel that i’m very suited to being a public online presence (even a relatively quite small one)—i’m bad enough at responding to emails for my own real life responsibilities, let alone tumblr asks for the silly responsibilities i invent for myself lol. that’s not to say i no longer want to do it, or i don’t enjoy it, or even that i don’t feel capable of making a really interesting bracket—just that if i am working to put something new together, and if people are taking the time to submit poems they care about, then i don’t want to half-ass it.

my second admission is something like this. I made the original bracket as a celebration of poetry and our relationships to it. yes it was silly and competitive, and the poems were very tumblr, but still, celebration was the intention—I wanted to have conversations about poetry. I stand by the bracket format as a fun and valuable way to foster conversations about poetry, but truthfully, the poems i’m wanting to have conversations about right now—the poems that we should be talking about right now—are ones that i'm not comfortable putting in a bracket. I reblogged The Baffler’s Poems from Palestine collection on here earlier, and Najwan Darwish’s “Who Remembers The Armenians?”, which I still often find repeating through my head when I'm traveling from one place to another, walking home or riding the bus. I came across this beautiful thread recently where people have been translating Dr. Refaat Alareer’s “If I Must Die” into their own languages (this just makes my translator's heart sing!!!!!!). @havingapoemwithyou has been posting some great poems from and for Palestine as well—check out their tag here.

There's always more to add, and I'll be posting more on here as I come across it, but that's what I feel anyone should be focusing on right now when it comes to poetry. i think poetry can be an escape but it should never be a distraction. does that make sense? i wouldn't be against doing a one-off poll here or there, but it feels weird to be making a tournament for poetry right now, or anytime soon. i feel like what free time i have right now is still best utilized helping my friends with organizing in the real world. and god, a bit off-topic but while I'm talking, fuck poetry foundation—I have so much respect for all the poets keeping up the boycott, because while i think it's a simple decision, it's not always an easy one (Aurielle Lucier discussed that here).

anyways, if you read all of this, thank you for your time!! I could go on and on, but really this was just meant to be a message telling y'all that there won't be another tournament for a while lol. even so i'll be trying to use this small silly platform as best i can until palestine is free because that's the absolute least i can do.

#not a poll #also i'm closing my ask box for now because i know i don't have the bandwidth to answer anything rn. sorry :(#but feel free to reply here with your thoughts and any resources and i'll do my best to respond #or even messages might be fine. something about the ask format just gives me anxiety sometimes lmao #cannot stress this enough i am so so so bad at responding to things #even when i want to or enjoy doing it

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bunni-v1 · 1 year

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Hii! If you request are open can I ask you a headcanon of Vil Schoenheit, from Twisted wonderland, in a romantic relationship with the reader who is a Kpop idol (not a soloist but in a group)?? Preferibly a fem reader. Thank you. Byeee!!

Vil with a K-pop idol partner

Tw: N/A (I think lol)

Info: Headcannons; Fem!Reader; Vil x Reader; Fluff

🍓Hi. This one is short and sweet, I didn’t want to drain myself of motivation to write. Especially since so many people are wanting more parts to my most recent post. Plus, I’m writing two essays for my classes this week, so it’s gonna be a bit rough to keep up that motivation. I really hope everyone enjoys this one, though. It’s always fun to do fluffy Vil content.

Vil Schoenheit

-You likely meet through an acting gig when you’re both freshmen in college. The two of you are cast as lovers, and everyone can feel the chemistry you have.

-Something between you two just clicks! You both lead similar lives and have similar interests.

-And with the press on the movie and all the time you spend on set, it's inevitable that the two of you become close.

-You don’t start dating immediately, though. In the world of acting and music, you have to be careful of who you’re dating and when you make that public.

-However, Vil always makes it to any shows you have anywhere near him. He adamantly promotes you and your group's music everywhere and praises any modeling and acting you do on the side.

-Fans speculate you’re together FAR before the two of you actually decide to become an official couple.

-Speaking of, the two of you keep your relationship very private at the start. You each have access to the other schedule and plan dates at least once a week, and they’re always in private places.

-It’s both to protect your reputation and to ensure that your relationship won’t be warped by fans.

-Neither of you announce that you’re a couple until at least four months in, and before that, you don’t even give hints that you two may be together.

-The press has an absolute blast with you two. Finding every thread of evidence of your relationship until the day you both announce it publicly.

-When you do announce it, your fans gobble it up like crazy. I’m talking edits, fan art, fan accounts, the whole nine yards.

-But all that aside, what’s your relationship like?

-Simply put: Complex.

-It’s not unhealthy by any means, it’s just very different from a typical relationship you see in day-to-day life.

-Both of you are very busy. You with performing and all that comes with it, and Vil will his college courses at Nightraven.

-It takes a lot more work than the typical relationship, but with Vil’s dedication, it all works out in the end.

-Vil always ensures that he has free time for you. Whether that be visiting you off campus, having private dates in his dorm room, or video calling after a long day of classes.

-He makes the time for you. He has your schedule memorized, and always has a workaround so the two of you can stay in contact as much as possible.

-If and when he is able to, he visits you at your shows.

-His favorite thing to do is surprise you before you go on stage, take over your makeup and dressing team jobs, and pretty you up for the crowd.

-He always says you shine more when he’s the one doing it.

-He’s always in the front row, singing along to the lyrics — even if he can’t understand what they mean.

-He knows every line to every one of your songs, and he listens to and sings them proudly when he’s alone.

-Furthermore, after the two of you go public, he’s even more intense with his promotion of your music.

-He posts himself listening/singing along to your music, buying and wearing your merchandise, and attending the concerts.

-You’d think he might be a little jealous of your popularity, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

-He always says that you’re one of his greatest inspirations, and how proud he is to call himself your partner.

-In fact, your performances were actually a huge inspiration for the VDC, and he asked you and your group for help with the choreography and lyrics.

-Speaking of your group, he makes sure he has a great relationship with each and every one of your group members.

-If one of them is bothering you, he’ll be sure to say something, but for the most part, all of your friends really like him.

-It’s honestly not all that different from a normal relationship with him, just a little more work to keep in touch with him.

-He’s honestly your biggest fan, and he adores you and every single thing you do wholeheartedly.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #vil schoenheit #vil schoenheit x reader

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netherfeildren · 1 year

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Joel

A Fear of God story : Series Masterlist

Pairing: Joel Miller x OFC

Summary: The thought sounds on the anvil of your mind every night at four am on the dot, the song of grasshoppers and slumbering, fatherless children singing around you; I am lost, and if I read a little bit confusing, it is only because I am confused amidst the battleground of my grief, and it is difficult to find my way back now that he is not here to guide me.

A/N: this was only written for myself, but i’ve decided to share with you, as well. if you’re a fear of god reader please know that this isn’t part of my official story line, and again — only an exercise for myself, but as this is written about birdie i’ve decided to include it as a part of the birdie’s house anthology. i apologize for any confusion or emotional turmoil this might cause, but rest assured that i’m desperately hoping to have something else up for birdie and joel for his birthday and that i plan to continue to write for them after that as well.

Content Warnings: Character death; Grief/Mourning; Description of death/injury; Unreliable narrators

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 2.1K

Read on AO3

JOEL

The billboard said “The End Is Near”

I turned around, there was nothing there

Yeah, I guess the end is here

Phoebe Bridgers, I Know the End

The week before it happened, you watched a pack of wolves take down a moose. Old and stalwart and with a sort of strength only an animal that stands apart from all others in the hierarchy of nature can hold. Something unrelenting about a creature like that, that was made all the more shocking for the way the wolves had surrounded the old thing, tricked and felled the beast that for so long had stood solitary and unmoving.

There were so many things you knew about Joel after all these years. He was a father, a husband, a brother, a friend. Once he’d been a monster. Everything about him had been red. He’d tried not to cause harm. He’d failed more than he’d succeeded.

He had loved you. You think, more than any creature had loved another in all of man’s history. Or… at least sometimes it had felt like that. He had made you feel like that.

He is killed in the seventh year of your life together. Only seven little years which seem like nothing in the face of everything. Nothing in the face of the destruction of the whole world, and then the rebirth of it right here in this farm house in Wyoming, but which you know, no matter what they might seem like in the aftermath, were really everything, the only time that has ever mattered.

You remember that sometimes when you’d look around the kitchen table, the girls sitting around laughing and screeching and raucous with so much joy it seemed imaginary and untouchable, it felt like the whole world was sat existing around that oak table he’d made for you. The whole world right here at our kitchen table, Joel.

You remember the last time you heard his voice, right before he went out into the frigid snow to look for Ellie: Don’t you love me, Birdie bird?

Oh, shut up. And then whispered right into the reddened sea shell of his ear, Here is what I see in your eyes right now: myself, reflected back at me – more love than has ever existed before in all history. And then his laugh – you’re laughing and when you laugh I want to carve the face of the world in your image. Lena zooming by your legs as you kiss for the last time, a blue ribbon in her hair.

Half a century from now, no one will remember us, but I will never forget you.

Remember the first time we met? Bated breath and racing heart, and the sound of the rest of your life ringing in your ears.

Remember the stitches in your palm? The first time I took you inside of me and all the times thereafter? When you pulled our first daughter from my body – and then the two others? Her first birthday? The countless birthdays after that? Remember the endless happiness so intense it was almost painful sometimes? Remember how much I love you?

But of course, he cannot. He’s not here anymore, and nothing hurts worse than the memory of joy when you’re living through grief. The thought sounds on the anvil of your mind every night at four am on the dot, the song of grasshoppers and slumbering, fatherless children singing around you; I am lost, and if I read a little bit confusing, it is only because I am confused amidst the battleground of my grief, and it is difficult to find my way back now that he is not here to guide me.

They’d hurt him so badly. Fractured him in a way that not even your hands could mend, your years of study and practice futile in the face of such destruction. He’d fought hard, he’d tried to get away. This is the least comforting thing you could ever imagine.

What does it do to a person to be confronted with the inequity of their purpose? To have worked tirelessly for so many years only to fail when the moment was most dire.

Fracture of a different but equally devastating nature. And that moment of final realization, that there was nothing to be done – his bones had carried him for so long, you rest now, we’ll be okay, whispered into his mangled ear, half a chunk missing, savaged. You did good, Joel. You did good, my love.

The sound of Ellie’s voice telling herself over and over and over again that he was okay; he’s okay, he’s okay, he’s okay.

And she’d said to you: I wasted so much time being angry at him, for what? For loving me too much? For keeping me alive? For making a decision that now, with the clarity of age and a child of my own, I would have made exactly the same way? I wish I could walk in his shoes through that hospital all those years ago. I’d take his exact same steps – not a single pace different. And now he’s dead. And all that anger was for nothing. And our reconciliation feels so fraught, so meaningless in the face of all that time now. No matter that we’d had years after to be together, to be a family. All I can focus on now is the time lost, the sight of his crushed skull, the night I pushed him away before you, his face full of pain and regret. And the sound of his screams at the end.

Ellie tells you: I remember the sound of his screams better than anything else. The sound of him screaming out for me, for you Birdie – Birdie, Birdie, my Birdie. Begging for help, but actually, I’m not sure, she says. I’m not sure if that really happened or if my nightmares imagined it.

[I still think of you on your birthday. I’m sorry for everything, she thinks, when she lays in the grass with her sisters and looks for shapes in the clouds without him now. I only see you in the spaces between them. And she asks God why He didn’t work harder to save him. And He spits in her face and asks why she didn’t do the same.]

So, there are still our children. There is still Ellie. This family you’ve gifted me. The whole world abandoned here at our kitchen table. How can death exist when that exists? How can your death exist when they’re still here?

Don’t stop to think. Don’t interrupt the scream.

And you tell yourself, no this wasn’t supposed to happen, but the universe laughs and grips you by the throat; the gladiator scream goes on. Salt the earth, there’s nothing to return to.

And yet… that isn’t true either. Four little faces look up at you. Three sets of his eyes.

You were furious at the sun the day after he died. How could it just continue to rise as if nothing had happened?

And after all that, it is like this: You scream for seven days and seven nights.

You don’t get out of bed for thirty days.

You cry every single night for a year.

This is different. A strange and terrified sort of place. What does it mean to lose the basis of your entire existence?

And Ellie? Ellie, Ellie, Ellie, Ellie, Ellie. What is Ellie going to do without him? How is she going to be okay? The sound of her cries: Don’t let me be alone. Please, God, don’t let me be alone. I never wanted to end up alone. You need to make sure she’s okay, you need to take care of her the way that he would, the way that he’d want you to.

Ellie loses her mind for a little bit. After your thirty days in bed, she calls her turn, tells you and Dina that she’s leaving, that she’s going. That she’ll bring you back a vengeance you could never want and lay it at your feet, and you cup her chin gentle in your palm, and ask, What does it matter now, honey? Connie’s voice ringing in your memory. He’s gone now, what difference would it make?

She tells you that he would have done it for her, and you cannot refute such a claim. He would. He’d do much worse. He’d turn himself back into that monster we both know he had inside of him.

“So I need to do this.”

And you tell her: “I’m begging you not to. Me, who belonged to him, who knew him in a way no one else in the whole world did. I’m asking you not to. I’m still here. The girls are still here. We need you. We need you as a reminder of him.”

“You’ll remember him anyways,” she tells you, which is true.

“But you’ll make the memory all the better,” And so she does not go, for a time.

Ellie stays, and you have a funeral surrounded by the people of Jackson who respected a man who was good. A man who took himself for a monster for so long, even though he never said it out loud, but you knew, you saw. All that time apart, all that fear, fear, fear, the very fear of God struck into his heart, afraid of what he was, of what the world and a little girl with green eyes more than thirty years ago had made him into, but then, look at what we’d turned around and made together.

And you whisper to the apparition of him in your dreams: Joel if you were a monster, surely it was some sort of divine monstrosity.

So many people leave remembrances at the gate of the farm, the whole of Jackson. His brother, holding you up gripped beneath the elbows so as to not frighten your children, and Ellie is crying but trying to pretend she’s not, which somehow makes it worse than if she were to throw herself at the base of his coffin and howl.

You give her his jacket after that, and she smells like him all the time until the day she doesn't. Until the day it’s been so long since the last time that he was alive that his scent fades and leaves forever. She wears that jacket everywhere, to work, to hunt, to bed. Leaving her wife, leaving her family, leaving her sisters, leaving you because eventually she does – leave, and she wears his jacket. An inevitability like so many other things in life, you’re unable to keep her forever, and for a time she does go.

And you will never forget him, you will never move on, you will never stop telling your daughters about him. He lives on in them. And you wonder why it is that no one ever talks about the physically intimate aspect of grief? Of missing your person and wanting them and needing them, and your body physically craving relief from that singular person and never being able to achieve it fully ever again to completion like he could give it to you because he’s just not here.

He was, in every way, all that anyone could ever be.

I cried every single day for a year. The day I stopped, I put him inside of a drawer within myself and was never able to move myself to tears again.

Seven years since then, and you go to his grave for what you tell yourself will be the last time, recognize the lie for what it is, a single slab of carved stone, and you think, he doesn’t belong here, even still after all these years, and yet this is the only place he will ever be again.

He should have been made into a redwood, the tallest thing in the entire world. Let him be a tree. You’d climb and climb and climb, like that night with Beth, so long ago you can barely remember the sound of her voice most days. You’d climb, and he’d protect you one more time like he had so many times before.

Joel, years ago, when we were first married, I had a strange dream: I’d had to walk down a staircase that led far beneath the earth. As I traversed it, I had to move through all of our happiest memories, the births of our daughters, the birthdays and celebrations and the long nights together, dinners, breakfasts and laughter, lazy afternoons at the lake, in bed together, still endlessly fascinated with each other despite all the times we’d found ourselves in that exact position. But when I reached the end, I’d be able to come upon our worst moment, see what it was in preparation, perhaps, for what would come to pass.

I feel as though I have finally reached the bottom of that staircase, and part of me would like nothing more than to have never begun the journey down, but had I not, then I would have not lived through all the rest of it. And in the end, that was worth everything else.

That last night again, in my memory: Don’t you love me, Birdie bird?

Close your eyes, he whispers, it’ll be worth it, the last taste of his mouth.

My eyes are still closed.

Netherfeildren's Masterlist

Updates Blog

#FoG fic #Joel miller #the last of us #joel miller x original character #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller angst #the last of us fanfiction #character study #ellie williams #joel miller character study #ellie williams character study

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sometimes-sleeby-octopus · 5 months

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I cannot explain how much I love them but I can put them in goofy situations

Smiling Friends Headcanons:

Things the Main 4 Would Do Together And How Often (Part 2)

8. Eating a meal together - They would do this twice a week for sure. Ordering in, going to a restaurant, cooking for each other, snack break, you name it, they would do it. I think Pim would enjoy cooking and also be the best at it the most out of everyone. All the other three would ADORE his food. Charlie would be the expert on ordering in and cheaper restaurants while Alan would know about the fancier places. Glep would find all the most delicious and interesting snacks all over the place. (Imagining them sitting at a table together brings me insurmountable joy)

9. Walking - This is probably close to a daily occurrence because it’s so easy and nice, even if it’s just leading each other out as they say goodbye for the day. Alan and Glep would both be the speed walkers, while Charlie and Pim would be more leisurely, humming or singing as they walk. This could change based on the situation though like if they’re tired or excited. If it’s a longer walk where they’re talking, I think they’d keep pace with each other.

10. Reading - This is something they would do if they were bored on a Sunday or something, so not too often nor on a regular basis. I’ve had this funny scenario in my head where they do “Book Club”, except they’re all reading a shitty book by like Colleen Hover or something at the same time. They’d be all over whoever’s room and every so often someone would laugh and shout out the number of a funny or shocking page. And then the slower readers would quickly flip forward and the faster ones would flip back if they missed it. I think Charlie would skim the book and read it closer if he’s amused while Alan would just naturally read fast, making them the faster readers, while Pim and Glep would be slower just because they’re taking their time and enjoying it to the best of their abilities.

11. Going to church - Considering Charlie is canonically(?) catholic, I just had to add this one. This is something they would do once and never again or they’d just go for Christmas and Easter. Charlie would be chill about it and try to show the others what to do the first time, but (as an ex-catholic myself) participating in mass is a skill you can only really learn over time, so the first time would be a little rough. Pim would enjoy it because of the singing and the “Peace be with you’s” while Alan would be nervous since he doesn’t really know what to do (he doesn’t seem to be/have been part of any sort of faith, so it’s pretty new to him). Glep would be bored out of his mind and just take a nap on the pews. Thankfully, Charlie doesn’t give a shit what the other people at his church think (although at a busy time like Christmas or Easter, less people would be paying the four of them any mind anyway) so he just tries to get everyone through it. It would be somewhat exhausting for everyone involved, but they’re doing it for Charlie so they guess it’s worth it? I highly doubt they would keep this up over the years lmao.

12. Going to an Arcade - They’d go at least a couple times a year! Maybe team on a couple claw machines, Battle it out on Dance Dance Revolution and Air Hockey, honestly they would love all the PVP stuff and if there are tickets involved, I think they’d get a bunch of candy and just stash it in the office somewhere for a rainy day.

13. Going to Brunch - I separated this from “Eating a meal together” because I feel like Brunch is a totally different ballpark for them. I imagine they would cosplay as posh Victorian ladies just for shits and giggles wearing the most fancy, beautiful dresses they can find. They would then spread the most ATROCIOUS MADE UP GOSSIP known to man using the names of people they’ve met just to fuck with everyone at the brunch place. And not just any brunch place, it’s THE brunch place. They make reservations at the same one every time. This would be a seasonal event done twice in Spring for the funniest impact. Charlie brought it up as a joke once and Alan and Pim absolutely ran with it (Alan suggested the gossip and Pim suggested dressing up). However, Glep is the RUMOR MACHINE and the others are always so impressed and amused with what he comes up with. They get really into it, even doing stuff like drinking tea with their pinkie out and eating fancy food. Though they do go eat somewhere after because the food they eat in character isn’t filling nor their favorite to eat. Nonetheless, they always laugh so hard afterward and it usually makes their year.

14. Karaoke - I feel like they would start doing this once around Christmas time and then just keep doing it as a tradition every year. They would also do it on boring rainy days sometimes too. Regardless of when they do it, they can pick any song they want. Want to sing a Christmas song in January? Sure, why not. However, after a few years of this, they would eventually ban playing more than two Wheezer songs in a row because they all like singing Wheezer and some days it’s all they will have in the queue. Other than Weezer, I think Alan would be into any Lemon Demon and Weird Al songs, Pim would be into older Taylor Swift and Ariana Grande songs, Charlie would be into Jackson Dean and Jimmy Buffett, and Glep would be into The Vanished People and 100 Gecs.

#smiling friends #headcanons #smiling friends headcanons

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writtenbymisunderstoodnerds · 2 years

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It's time they knew (Tobin Heath x Reader)

Based on this request. I'm sorry for how long this has taken me to finish, but I hope you like it!

I'm slowly working my way through my requests. Things might take a little while now that I'm studying for the next couple of months and it's getting closer to winter which is the busy season at work. Please bear with me!

Words: 1.6k

Tobin and I were kicking the ball around as I told her about my plans to reveal my identity. I was predominately a soccer player, but I was also a singer. No one knew who I was, no one knew I was the person behind anónima. We did songs ranging from pop to country, millions of people followed us, came to our concerts and bought our music, but no one knew who I was, who my band was. It had started as a way to put my music out there without drawing attention because I had massive stage fright. However, I was starting to entertain the idea of revealing who I was.

"Are you sure about this baby? It's going to bring a lot of attention."

"I think so, I mean I already get attention and I'll get even more once I start with the team and when we go public. It feels like it's time, but I'll decide for sure tomorrow."

"Whatever you decide, I'll support you 100%. Can I bring the team? I know you're starting with us next week, but I would love for them to finally meet you as my girlfriend. If you decided to reveal yourself that it. Also they love you."

"Of course you can Toby. I would love to finally meet the team properly." Due to mostly playing internationally and only recently deciding to return to the US, I hadn't been called up until now. Not that I really minded too much, I was only 26, there would be the opportunity for plenty more camps in my career. It did mean I hadn't really met any of the national team. I guess it would be good to meet them before camp.

My concerts had always worked on a trust sort of system. I didn't wear a mask or anything. The stage was dark, only just light enough that my band could see, but no one could see them. I stood at the back, away from the light. All it would take was a torch or light source to reveal our identities. Over the years I had gotten more comfortable on a stage and with my fans. Moving around and interacting with them more. I still hadn't decided if I was going to reveal myself, but the stage crew knew that if I moved to a certain point on the stage then they would turn the lights on. Of course I had also discussed it with my band since they weren't known either. They had left it up to me to decide which made it even harder.

As I sung the first couple of songs, I watched the crowd dance and sing along. Seeing the happiness on peoples faces and knowing it was because of us was my favourite part of concerts. I found myself wishing I could join in dancing around and interacting with them more, instead of trying to stay in an area they wouldn't see me.

Once the song ended, I spoke up, "Let's talk for a minute. I wanted to thank each and everyone of you for coming out and supporting us even though you have no idea who we are. None of this would have happened without you guys. So, as a way of thanking you, here's a new song I've been working on."

I always thought I'd be a rambling girl Living in the moment, never making plans Finding love was just a dream I was having Written in the movies, never thought it would happen

I try to fill my loneliness with whiskey And empty nights with different girls that never missed me Funny how when you least expect it Everything can change

Baby, it's you I've been looking for I knew right from the second you came walking through that door It feels so right when you're in my arms Darling, it's you I've been looking for

During the brief instrumental, I took a deep breath, moving forward on the stage. As I started singing the next line the stage lit up, cheers and screams louder than I had ever heard filled the stadium.

You know I love it when your hair's a mess The way you shine when you wear that dress Girl, I don't think that you understand You make me a better person

Baby, it's you I've been looking for I knew right from the second you came walking through that door It feels so right when you're in my arms Darling, it's you I've been looking for

Just like blue on the sea Our love won't fade, it's evergreen Girl, the best part of me Is you

My attention was solely on Tobin as I sung the last verse. None of this would be happening if it wasn't for her. My first concert would never have happened without her encouragement and support. The many nights spent with her sitting quietly beside me as I wrote new songs because she knew it helped calm my mind enough to let my ideas flow. She had been by my side through it all, without hesitation or judgement.

Baby, it's you I've been looking for I knew right from the second you came walking through that door It feels so right when you're in my arms Darling, it's you I've been looking for I sat down on the edge of the stage, taking a moment to compose myself as the cheering started to die down. "Surprise! That happened. Honestly, I was kind of torn about doing this. The secrecy behind it makes it fun, it keeps things interesting, but I also wanted to do something to thank you for the unwavering support I receive. Enough of my droning on though, I think it's time to introduce myself. I'm Y/n, behind me I have my amazing band. Guys, give a wave with your name so they know who you are. We've got Jason, Mason, yes they're twins, last but not least we have Abby. Thank you for coming to our show. Stick around because we're just getting started."

---

The show had ended a little while ago. The band and I had finished our post show debrief and showers. They had gone to pack up their gear while I waited for Tobin. She was going to wait for the crowd to calm down before making her way out the back with the team. I had played with or met a few of them through club matches in the limited time I played in the states, but a lot of my professional career was international.

Before my nerves could grow any further, voices from down the hall caught my attention, "Tobin what's going on? I don't think we're allowed back here."

"Just wait and see."

I laughed to myself at the irritation lacing Tobin's voice before the nerves started rising again. I could sing in front of thousands of people without worrying, but I was terrified to meet them. They were important to her, they were going to be my team soon and I wanted to make a good impression. I took a deep breath, before putting on a smile as the numerous girls walked through the door, most of them freezing when they saw me.

Tobin wrapped her arms around me, placing a kiss on my lower neck, "You did amazing, I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you my love."

"Wha-" One of the girls started but cut herself off. I chuckled quietly, pulling away from Tobin.

Christen hugged me quickly. With her being Tobin's bestfriend, I had met her pretty early on in our relationship. We got along great, but she also didn't know about my singing career, "Well this is a surprise."

"Yeeah, sorry I didn't tell you soon-"

"You don't need to apologise Y/n. I get it."

I was reminded of the people behind me when the sound of slapping started. Many of the girls still looked stunned, while a few of them were hitting each other and pointing at me. It was actually quite entertaining, but I decided to speak up and put them out of their misery, "Hey, I'm Y/n."

"Don't just stand there, introduce yourselves." Tobin spoke up making some of the girls snap out of it and introduce themselves one at a time. Then they launched into multiple different questions, "Slow down, you'll be seeing Y/n often. You don't have to ask a million questions right now."

"Wait what? How? Why?'

"Y/n is my girlfriend and she's the newest addition to the team as of next week."

"She is?" Emily asked still looking like a deer in headlights, "You're a soccer player?"

"Yes."

"You've known who she is and you didn't tell us? We talk about her all the time."

Tobin shrugged, arm wrapping around my waist, "It wasn't my place to tell you who she was. I know you love her music, but just remember Y/n will be your teammate and friend, don't just treat her like the singer you love."

"We will, it's great to meet you Y/n. Although I think we've played against each other a couple of times."

"You too Ali. I'm pretty sure we have, quite a few years ago now."

We talked for a while. The girls getting all the questions they had about me as a singer before moving on to questions about Tobin and I, my soccer career and anything else they could think of. I was a bit surprised how fast they went from being amazed at meeting me to just treating me like someone on the team. Honestly, it was a relief. I had been worried about how they would react and treat me if they knew who I was. I guess that was another thing I should be thanking Tobin for. The band had come and talked with us for a while before we all parted ways. There was only so much social interaction I could handle. With the show and meeting the team, I was exhausted.

I crawled into bed as soon as we got back to our apartment while Tobin went to shower. Arms wrapped around me from behind as I was on the verge of sleep. "I'd say that went pretty well."

All I could do was mumble out a 'it did' before pulling Tobin closer. I could feel Tobin laughing as she placed a kiss on my cheek, "I love you baby."

#uswnt imagines #uswnt imagine #uswnt x reader #tobin heath x reader #tobin heath imagine #tobin heath

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razorblade180 · 1 year

Text

Devotion

After a long shift doing paperwork, Jean finally manages to leave the Headquarters at a reasonable time. Well, reasonable for her. The moon wasn’t setting. That’s all that mattered! The Acting Grandmaster was thrilled by the idea of having time to read the novel Lisa gave her, but the moment of fantasy was quickly forgotten when she noticed her sister, Barbara, walking down the church steps alone.

Jean:Barbara?

Barbara:Huh? Oh, s-Jean; hello.

Jean:You were working this late?

Barbara:I like to practice in private at times. I wasn’t expecting to run into you tonight. I guess that means work was light for you.

Jean:(Hehe. “For you”) Yeah you could say that. Want me to walk you home? It can be dangerous at night.

Barbara:Oh I wouldn’t want to take up your time or anyt-

Jean held out her hand and she could see a glimmer in Barbara’s eyes. Their relationship was awkward to say the least, but it would be a waste to not take this opportunity to spend a little time together. Her younger sister took hand and they began walking. Jean was still a little concerned about Barabara going home alone, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized there’s no way Rosaria isn’t just far enough away to not be noticed. Then there was Diluc. Oh Diluc… He might be doing his “second job” by now.

Jean glanced over to Barbara. It wasn’t uncommon for strained silence to fall between them, but the girl typically tried for a short conversation. Jean was surprised to see her sister carrying a look of worry in her eyes.

Jean:What’s wrong?

Barbara:Hmm? Oh, it’s- it’s nothing.

Jean:Doesn’t sound like nothing. You’re making the same face Klee and Sucrose tends to make when something unexpectedly goes wrong.

Barbara:I…I don’t want to trouble you with it. It’s pretty silly in all honesty.

Jean:…Try me. I’ve dealt from lost cats to fish blasting. A problem is a problem. Acting Grand Master to citizen, or sister to sister, I want to listen to you worries. *smiles*

Barbara:*red*…It’s Venti.

Jean:Wh-What about the bard?

Barbara:….

Silence had never spoken more words. Jean saw the two occasionally hang out together and sing. Venti had even been his playful self to Barbara in front of Jean, but she never considered the girl’s flustered responses to be signs of mutual affection! That couldn’t be it, right!?

Jean:Oh, I see. So are you two…

Barbara: No no no! We just..enjoy each other’s music and stuff.

Jean: (Figures. Forgive me Venti for doubting you.) What’s the issue? A musical disagreement?

Barbara:No. For some time now, he visits the church for me to heal minor injuries, drop off some food, or pray despite the fact I’m certain he’s dozing off instead. Most of the time he’s really there to see me.

Jean:Ah, so he’s getting in the way of your work.

Barbara:Well…yes and no. Physically he isn’t. In fact, he’s helped me and the other sisters on multiple occasions. Mentally however…*blushes* I find myself thinking about him more and more to the point it does affect my work.

Jean:(I was right the first time!?) You.. have feelings for Venti the bard?

Barbara: I wasn’t sure at first. I just knew I felt guilty that I wasn’t focused like I should be. Two weeks ago it reached a boiling point where I completely forgot to finish a choir arrangement! We had to postpone the performance an entire week.

Jean:That’s not too bad, all things considered.

Barbara:But it was avoidable if I had been more diligent. That entire week I wanted to do nothing but focus on creating the best arrangement without distractions, but my mind kept wandering. I got so frustrated I started praying to Barbatos himself to help deal with my feelings!

Jean:…Did you now? How’d that go?

Barbara:To my surprise, I think he might’ve been listening. I didn’t suddenly focus better, but Venti didn’t show up to the church like he usually does. He’s..still not showing up. I saw him once but as quickly as he greeted me, he left because he said he had to go apple picking. It’s not that I didn’t believe him, but I felt…a distance; physically and metaphorically. He always got right next to me but that time he was out of arms reach.

Jean:Arms reach, hmm.

Barbara:It hasn’t stopped either. I know what I’m saying sounds more than a little ridiculous but it feels like my prayers were answered by Venti not wanting to see me as much. That’s…not what I meant though. I liked when he visited, even if I didn’t say so all the time. How could I when he was doing something like scraping his knee or sleeping? Not to mention him near the holy lyre makes me nervous.

Jean:(Has the magic not warn off yet!?) If a prayer is what did this, then why don’t you pray again?

Barbara:I don’t want to be ungrateful! I shouldn’t have bothering praying to Barbatos about something that was my mistake in the first place. *drops head* Maybe this is his form or of punishment for me? That or…Venti doesn’t want to see me anymore; at least not in the way I realized how I liked seeing him.

The two finally made it to Barbara’s house and stopped in front of the door. Poor girl looked so defeated. Jean didn’t have much trust in her own abilities when it came to romantic problems, but she knew without a doubt Venti heard the prayer and proceeded to act accordingly. Jean rested her hands on Barbara’s slouched shoulders and had the girl look her in the eyes.

Jean:Barbara, I say with certainty the Anemo Archon would never punish someone as caring and devoted as you. As for Venti, I also have no doubts he thinks you’re wonderful. He’s told me before you are a wonderful person to sing beside.

Barbara:*red* You two have talked about me?

Jean:On occasion if we run into each other. His exact feelings for you I can’t say because I’m not too sure, but I know the way he looks at you and says your name. Venti cherishes you.

Barbara:Are you saying I should talk to him about it?

Jean:I’m sure that will help. Buuuut, I also think you should pray to Barbatos again. Even if this was some lesson, which I highly doubt, I believe you know better than anyone how kind he is. Coincidence or not, it would give you better peace of mind.

Barbara:Yeah…*gentle smile* Yeah! I’m the Deaconess. I can’t let this shake me and do nothing about it. What example would that set?

Jean:That too, but frankly I meant to do this more yourself. No one would judge you.

Barbara:Oh, hehe. I guess that’s true.

Jean:(Is this how the Knights feel talking to me?) I wish you the best of luck, Barbara. Stop by anytime to tell how things are going.

Barbara:Okay, I will! Also, thank you for this. It means more than I can explain.

Jean:The feeling is mutual.

She gets a surprise hug from Barbara. It didn’t take long before Jean wrapped her arms around the girl gently. Barbara had grown up before Jean had gotten the chance to notice, but she was a little happy she could still help with problems like these. Their hug ended, and Barbara finally went inside.

All things considered, that went well. A normal person would pat themselves on the back and head home. Jean desperately wanted to be that normal person, but deep down not only was she still a tad concerned, but she also was way more invested in this love story than the book Lisa gave her. Against her own will, Jean found herself hurrying over to Angel Share.

xxxxx

The door open with a single push as Jean hurried in. The normal customers were around drinking their fill like usual. That included Venti, who was face down at the bar in front of Diluc; the fiery redhead locked eyes with Jean.

Diluc:Well this isn’t something I see everyday.

Jean:I’m not hear to drink.

Diluc:I meant you off work this early.

Jean:So is Kaeya just sharing my overtime hours or something? Also I thought you’d be “working” by now.

Diluc:I… am working.

Jean:If you say so. Anyways, I’m not here about that. I’m here for Venti. *gently shakes him* If he’s conscious that is.

Venti:Mmm, hmm? Oh, hi Venessa.

Jean:E-Excuse me?

Venti:What? Oh, I’m sorry. *sits up* didn’t have my wits about me. You remind me of her at times.

At first, Jean was a little worried about Barbara unknowingly liking their alcoholic deity, but Jean would be lying if she said his little mistake just now didn’t made her very happy inside. She couldn’t let that distract her though! Now was the time to be diligent!

Jean:Diluc, could you possibly give us some space? I have a delicate, personal matter to discuss with Venti.

Diluc:Is it about Barbara?

Jean:…

Diluc:He begged me to bartend tonight to wear his heart on his sleeve. In my eyes it’s more like drowning his sorrows.

Jean:So he isn’t typically this drunk?

Diluc:Well…at the very least he’s a happy drunk. Today he’s sung no song and has kept to himself.

Venti:I’m right here you two. So Barbara went as far as to talk to you? I guess this is the perfect time to apologize to you properly, Jean. I’m sorry for my behavior. I’ve caused your sister unnecessary stress. *bows*

Jean:Lord B- Venti, raise your head! There’s no need to bow to me, ever!

Venti:Ehe, I guess that would be weird for you, wouldn’t it? My bad.

Jean:So you did hear Barbara’s prayer?

Venti:Loud and clear, just like all the others that say my name. Honestly I didn’t realize I had started to be a burden. I got a little caught up in the moment of seeing her.

Jean:..Why do you see my sister often? Is it because of her devotion to the church?

Venti:Not specifically. It’s not her devotion to the Anemo Archon if that’s what you mean. Her dedication to the job itself, much like your own, is very admirable. Barbara is awfully kind yet stern when she has to be. Yet somehow she knows how to be uplifting and has an air about her that’s so refreshing to see. It’s hard not to feel at ease when you’re around her.

Diluc:That’s high praise coming for you.

Venti:Countless people would echo my sentiments.

Jean:Yet yours would resonate loudest. I can understand your choice but I feel like you should’ve known Barbara wouldn’t. I’d go as far as to say nobody in Mondstadt is as emotionally intelligent as you, and not for the reasons you’d assume. As her sister, I ask you to be more earnest with her. As your friend, I implore you to be more kind to yourself.

Venti:And as a citizen…?

Jean:*smiles* I hope the god I admire always experiences the same peace he so graciously fought to protect in the name of his people.

Jean pulled out a small but heavy bag of mora and put it on the counter before walking towards the door.

Jean:This enough to clear his tab?

Venti:!? Normally I’d feel honored but you really shouldn’t-

Diluc:Consider it clear. It’ll fill up again soon enough.

Jean:That’s fine. The wine here is good after all. I just hope the next few bottles will be for a merrier occasion.

The proud knight finally left, leaving Diluc to watch Venti slowly put his head back down and sigh.

Diluc:I hope you know you’re cut off for the night.

Venti:Fine by me. I’m sobering up.

Diluc:You’ve seemed sober for a while now.

Venti:Emotionally, Diluc. Emotionally… Thanks for being here.

Diluc:…It’s my tavern.

Venti:(Oh boy…how to handle this? It’s too late now but maybe tomorrow I’ll catch her before work and-”

“Lord Barbatos, please hear my prayers…”

Venti:….

xxxxxx

“I know what I’m about to say might make me seem pretty fickle as of late. To be honest, I’m not even sure if what’s happened is your will or pure coincidence. Either way, Venti has stopped talking to me lately. Now I know last time I was practically begging to clear my thoughts of him so I could continue doing my best, but…I was wrong to do so. He just might bring out my best. Or at least.. my joy; a joy that I don’t want to lose. Now that I see how that might be over I….…… Please. Please don’t let it be over. I want to see him; truly see him. I know it’s greedy and again, fickle of me, but it’s the truth. May the wind lead.”

xxxxx

The girl undid her hands and wiped her face of welling tears that threatened to fall. Already in her nightgown and hair undone, she stood up after praying by her bedside to try and rest her mind. However, a sudden knock at the door caught the girl’s attention and she made her way down stairs to see who it was; assuming it had to be her sister.

As she cracked the door open to peek, her heart nearly stopped. Barbara opened it slowly to see Venti standing there with Cecilia flowers in his hand. The boy stood rather rigid and had a flushed color across his face. Though he tried to hide it by looking at the ground with a bow.

Venti:H-Hello. I know it’s pretty late but I wanted to apologize if I’ve been pretty distant lately. I could see how stressed you were about the choir situation and I could sorta see I wasn’t really helping the situation by bothering you so I thought it would be best to-

Barbara: Hic

Venti looked up and gasped, seeing the Deaconess of the church crying before his eyes, her face growing red. Years of living, but Venti was ill equipped to deal with a girl crying so meekly in this situation. He try to hold in his panic to not wake anyone as he wrestled with the idea to hug her in this situation or not.

Venti:Hey now. Please don’t cry! I’m- I’m sorry. I should’ve said something to you.

Barbara:No, it’s not your fault. I just.. I don’t know why I thought for some reason you might hate me!

Venti:I could never hate you….

His voice, so calming, so certain of those words. His eyes stared at her with a familiar gentleness and sincerity as she felt his left hand brush away her tears while she calmed down. Venti finally flashed a smile as he put the flowers in her hand to clutch tightly. Barbara couldn’t help but feel a little silly inside, but silently she understood Venti wouldn’t think so at all. Barbara finally returned his smile.

A sense of ease hit them both. Venti gave a small curtsy, his job completed. As he turned to let the girl get some well deserved rest, he froze as he felt warmth grab his right hand. Venti dared to turn back around and look at her puffy eyes and flushed face under the moonlight that somehow managed to melt and break his heart. It was moments like these he envied mortals. He had no one to pray to; nobody at all to grant him strength. Though he may be the god of freedom, Venti understood himself well enough to know he was completely at the mercy of Barbara’s words. He could feel his heart race and hoped his redness was mistaken for drinking. It would all me over if he heard her say…

Barbara:Don’t go. Can we talk some more?

Venti:Barbara I-

Barbara:Please? Stay with me.

Maybe he had grown weaker than he thought? Perhaps it was the wine, or the simple truth he understood how courage it took her to say that. Regardless of the reason, Venti let those word’s echo in his heart like a lost hymn; he let it play out as he followed behind Barbara into her home. Tonight in the land of the Anemo Archon, Venti the bard was given a sanctuary by a woman who without realizing it had answered his prayers. A prayer to be welcomed in lovingly with open arms; like he was so many years ago by another with a song in their heart.

#genshin impact #barbara pegg #jean gunnhildr #diluc ragnvindr #venti the bard #lord barbatos #venbara #genshin ships

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freetimesimmer-l · 16 days

Text

The Sims 4 Rainbow Legacy Challenge

Introduction

Welcome to this Rainbow Legacy Challenge! This is the first Sims challenge I’ve ever made and I’m excited to share it. Even if it never reaches an audience, I can still play the challenge for myself because I’m very proud of what I’ve put together.

I’ve taken some inspiration from the beloved Not So Berry Challenge by @lilsimsie, but workshopped it into something completely new. I’m sure there are plenty of rainbow challenges for The Sims online, but this is my personal take on it. I hope you like it!

I’ve made it a point to make this challenge accessible for everyone: for players that have some (or all) packs installed, and for those rocking with just the base game. I have marked everything that is DLC in color. The DLCs are optional and are not necessary for completing this challenge, but of course it adds much more depth to the story overall. Additionally, in numerous instances I’ve given you as the player options for choosing certain traits, careers or aspirations that are either DLC or base game.

I hope you enjoy the challenge as much as I enjoyed creating it. Thank you!

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The Rules

Set the lifespan of your sims to either normal or long.

Cheats are (in most cases) not allowed. You may not cheat money at any point, but cheats like debug fixes, move objects and full edit mode in CAS are allowed. Also, I’ll allow gender cheats for babies if you really want to.

Start the first generation as a young adult.

Each generation represents a certain color of the rainbow, but the extent of which they represent the color (i.e. hair, makeup, clothing, interior and exterior design of their houses) is completely up to you. As long as they are still recognizable as representing certain colors, anything goes.

Each generation is fully completed when all bullet points are achieved (but don’t worry too much if you don’t fully complete everything in time).

Again: DLC traits, careers, aspirations and skills are optional. The challenge is fully playable with just the base game.

Last but not least: just have fun!

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Generation 1: Red

Red is the color of love, passion and lust, but also of danger and aggression. Fittingly for this first generation, you can choose which path to romance you will take: will you be a hot-headed heartstopper and enjoy all the love the world has to give, or will you find ‘The One’ that will fulfill all your desires and remain loyal to them, and only them?

'Besides the fact that you dream of finding luck in romance, you have always deeply loved music. As you gained fame from your musical career, you earned the reputation of the 'heartthrob musician'. And although you love the attention and fans fawning over you, you just want to find honest love. You dream of sitting on the porch of your home, watching the sunset with your lover and serenading them a song you wrote specially for them. It might take a couple tries to find 'The One', but you just know they're out there waiting for you.'

Traits: Romantic / Hot Headed / Music Lover

Career: Entertainment or Romance Consultant (LS)

Aspiration: Serial Romantic or Soulmate

Complete either the Serial Romantic or Soulmate aspiration

Reach level 10 in the Entertainment career in the Musician branch or the Romance Consultant career (LS) in either branch

Reach level 10 of the Charisma skill, Singing skill (CL) and Romance skill (LS) and at least level 8 of either the Guitar, Piano or Violin skill

Marry at least once

Write at least one song dedicated to your lover/spouse

Serenade your partner at least once a week

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Generation 2: Orange

Orange, the color of amusement, excitement, extraversion and energy.

'As you grew up you’ve developed a keen eye for seeing what others might need to cheer them up. Your solution? Funny jokes and good food can put anybody back in a good mood. While your passion lies with cooking, you never back down from social outings with your friends and you’d do anything to make sure they’re having a great time. You’re well known among friends and the rest of the community as outgoing, fun-loving and an excellent cook. And since they’re always nagging you about it, who knows, maybe you’ll even open up a restaurant or bakery someday.'

Traits: Goofball / Foodie / either Outgoing, Bro or Insider (GT)

Career: Culinary

Aspiration: Master Chef

Complete the Master Chef aspiration

Reach level 10 in the Culinary career in the Chef branch

Reach level 10 of the Cooking, Gourmet cooking and Baking skill (GTW) and at least level 8 of the Comedy skill

Have a social outing with your friends or club (GT) at least once a week

Optional: own a restaurant (DO) or bakery (GTW)

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Generation 3: Yellow

Ahhh, yellow. The color of sunshine and joy, but sometimes also of cowardice.

'Growing up, you often saw your parents have fun at social gatherings in and around your house. You reveled in the joyful atmosphere and always wanted to join in, even if it was well past your bedtime. As you got older, you wanted to be just like your parents and have lots of friends to do fun stuff with. Being a little impulsive and lacking any clear steering as to what career you wanted to pursue, you ended up at a boring 9-5 desk job at a local firm. Although it isn’t your ideal job, you’ll be damned if you don’t make it work!'

Traits: Ambitious / Cheerful / Clumsy

Career: Business or Law (DU)

Aspiration: Friend of the World

Complete the Friend of the World aspiration

Reach level 10 in either the Business or Law career (DU) in either branch

Reach level 10 of the Charisma and Mixology skills

Have frequent social outings with friends and take the opportunity to tend the bars at local clubs when there isn’t a bartender present

Have the following activities in your home for when you have company over: game table, dart board, chess table

Never decline calls from other sims asking if they can come over

Marry your Best Friend

Have at least 2 children

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Generation 4: Green

Green! The beautiful color of nature, healing, new beginnings and growth. Alternatively, it can also represent envy, jealousy, money and greed. In this generation, you can choose one of two paths for your sim (or alternatively, if your heir has brothers or sisters and you like a real challenge, give one sibling option A and the other option B. You may set the lifespan to long or pause aging for the duration of this if you really want to play both options).

Option A:

'During your youth you got all the love you could ever want from your parents: aside from their busy social and professional life, they still took enough free time to love and raise you. Although your youth was basically perfect, you often struggled with all the social interactions and visitors at your house. If being a highly sensitive person was a trait in the Sims 4, you would have it. Because of this, you longed for the peace and quiet that nature had to offer. You took a liking to gardening and dreamed of living outside the big city, away from all the noise.'

Traits: Loves Outdoors / Vegetarian / Loner

Career: Gardener (S) or self-employed

Aspiration: Freelance Botanist or The Curator

Complete either the Freelance Botanist or The Curator aspiration

Reach level 10 in the Gardener career (S) in either branch, or alternatively remain unemployed and register with the ministry of labor as a self-proclaimed ‘Naturalist’ and earn a living by growing and selling your crops

Reach level 10 of the Gardening and Flower arranging skill (S) and at least level 6 of the Fishing and Herbalism skill (OR)

Have a large garden with a variety of fruits, vegetables, herbs and flowers (try and cultivate at least one of every type of produce!)

Cook only with fresh ingredients from your garden and from fishing

If you want, you can also make the lot you live on off-the-grid for an added challenge

Optional: eat the Forbidden Fruit and become a plantsim

Option B:

'Growing up, your parents were too busy maintaining friendships and partying, so you lacked much parental love or guidance. Seeing other kids at school be given much more love and affection than you quite literally made you green with envy. This made you resent your parents and take a path of defiance in an attempt to gain the attention and recognition you lacked as a child.'

Traits: Jealous / Materialistic / either Mean or Squeamish (OR)

Career: Criminal

Aspiration: Public Enemy

Complete the Public Enemy aspiration

Reach level 10 of the Criminal Career in either branch

Reach level 10 of the Mischief skill and at least level 8 of the Programming skill

Use your programming skills on the computer to Hack and extort money from others

Have a secret lair/study room in your house

Because you’re too focused on being a criminal, you have little time for romance; have (or adopt) only 1 child as an adult and raise them independently

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Generation 5: Blue

Blue. The color of serenity, stability, inspiration and wisdom. Just like the color, you exude calmness.

'During your youth you were always called shy and introverted, and this continued into adulthood. Although you liked living surrounded by the quiet of nature, you often felt isolated and lonely, and this manifested into a gloomy outlook on life. Your biggest outlet by far was art. You loved drawing and painting, as it was a way to let out your creativity and complicated emotions. You've always aspired to make your hobby your job, and luckily for you, you might just succeed.'

Traits: Creative / Gloomy / either Perfectionist or Art Lover

Career: Painter

Aspiration: Painter Extraordinaire

Complete the Painter Extraordinaire aspiration

Reach level 10 in the Painter career in the Master of the Real branch

Reach level 10 of the Painting skill and at least level 8 of the Photography skill and Parenting skill (Ph)

Only paint emotional paintings (e.g. flirty, confident, sad)

Move back to the city as soon as you are able to

Meet the love of your life at school and marry them as a young adult

Have at least 3 children

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Generation 6: Indigo

Indigo. What an interesting color. Within the visible spectrum, it lies somewhere between blue and violet. It shares most of the same symbolizations as blue, like wisdom, justice, devotion and profound thought, but also mystery.

'Looking back, you’d say you had a great childhood. Loving parents, siblings to play with, maybe even pets. As a child you loved reading thrillers and superhero comics, and that’s where your strong feelings for justice started. Seeing your parent be especially vulnerable for bad news and having a gloomy and pessimistic outlook, you promised yourself you would make the world a better and safer place. As an adult, you took on a job of fighting crime while simultaneously keeping your eagerness to learn and love for reading alive.'

Traits: Self-Assured / Bookworm / Genius

Career: Secret Agent or Detective (GTW)

Aspiration: Renaissance Sim

Complete the Renaissance Sim aspiration

Reach level 3 in two part-time jobs as a teen before getting an adult job

Reach level 10 in the Secret Agent career in the Diamond Agent branch or in the Detective career (GTW)

Reach level 10 of the Logic skill and at least level 7 of the Athletic skill

Read at least one book a week

Have only 1 child

Visit your parents at least once a week to check up on them and reassure them

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Generation 7: Violet

Last but definitely not least: violet, or more commonly known as purple. The color of royalty, rarity, luxury and power. At its base, purple is a mix of blue and red. Fitting for our last generation (for now).

'During your youth you grew up rather wealthy, thanks to your parents’ well-paying jobs. In addition to that, you grew up as an only child. Talk about being spoiled. Your parent’s love for fiction and comic books and somewhat nerdy interests were (unsurprisingly) passed onto to you. You spend most of your time behind your computer gaming, programming and trolling people online. Because of your immense love for videogames, you chose to work in tech so you could make your hobby your career and not have to suffer one of those boring 9-5 jobs.'

Traits: Geek / Lazy / either Snob or Materialistic

Career: Tech Guru or Video Game Streamer (HSY)

Aspiration: Computer Whiz

Complete the Computer Whiz aspiration

Reach level 10 in the Tech Guru career in the eSport Gamer branch or the Video Game Streamer career (HSY)

Reach level 10 in the Video gaming and Programming skill and at least level 6 in the Mischief skill

Have your sim be androgynous

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The End?

Officially, as the rainbow only has seven colors, the challenge is over. However, I felt it was a little weird to not include pink at the very least, since pink is also a very popular color. That’s why, in addition to pink, I created a few extra generations to round out the whole challenge. So if you want to continue the legacy for at least a little longer, you can!

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(Optional) Generation 8: Pink

It’s pink baby! The color pink symbolizes love, affection, nurture, compassion, femininity and success. That’s why, in contrast to all other generations so far, this is the only generation that I made gender specific.

'You’ve always noticed that your parent was not setting the best example. Despite this, you still love them. They're your parent! To you, love, especially familial bonds, are the most important thing in the world. You strive towards having a large, loving family and want to become the best parent you can be for your kids, in contrast to your own parents. In addition to that, you’ve always loved fashion and would draw your own outfits when you were a kid. You’d love to make your passion for fashion your career, but only if your family life allows for it.'

Traits: Loyal / Family-oriented / either Good or Generous (FR)

Career: Style Influencer or Stay-at-home Parent

Aspiration: Big Happy Family or Super Parent (Ph)

The sim from this generation must be female

Complete either the Big Happy Family aspiration or the Super Parent aspiration (Ph)

Either reach level 10 in the Style Influencer career in either branch or be a Stay-at-home Parent

Reach level 10 of the Cooking and Handiness skill and the Parenting skill (Ph)

Have at least one biological child and one adopted child

Have a stronger relationship with both grandparents from Gen 6 than with your parent from Gen 7

Have only one romantic partner for the entirety of your Sim’s life and stay with them until death

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(Optional) Generation 9: White

White. Not quite a color color, but for the purposes of this challenge, it is. It symbolizes innocence, purity, cleanliness, safety and rebirth.

'Ever since you can remember you’ve played doctor with your dolls and teddy bears and begged your parents to buy you the hospital-style dollhouse. Wherever this fascination with health and medicine came from, it made you the caring and disciplined person you are today. Of course, your parents supported you throughout all of medical school and you’re eternally grateful to them. Because of their support, you can fulfill your dream of aiding others whenever they need it.'

In this gen you can choose between two routes: becoming a doctor or becoming a vet. If you only have base game or none of the listed packs, let your sim become an athlete (in this case their purpose is to lead by example on how to live a healthy lifestyle and prevent disease).

Traits: Ambitious / Neat / Active

Career: Doctor (GTW), Vet (C&D) or Athlete

Aspiration: Bodybuilder

If you have Discover University, I strongly recommend you to send your Sim to University, to add to the idea that they’re going to medical school. If you do, have them earn a degree in Biology.

Complete either the Bodybuilder aspiration or the Academic aspiration (DU)

Reach level 10 of the Doctor career (GTW), the Athlete career or register with the ministry of labor as a ‘Vet’:

If you have Cats & Dogs, purchase a Vet Clinic and make that your full-time job

Reach level 10 of the Fitness and Logic skill and the Veterinarian skill (C&D) IF you chose the vet route.

Marry and have at least one child

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(Optional) Generation 10: Black

Last but not least (for real this time): black. The color of power, elegance, death, evil and mystery. A sharp turn from our last generation, in some ways. But don’t worry, this sim won’t be so evil.

'Ever since you were born, people knew that you’d be different. And you were: as a child you often displayed ‘odd’ behavior, and as you got older you were diagnosed with erraticism. However, you also had a very high IQ. One could almost wonder if your erraticism was caused by your giftedness, or the other way around. Either way, you decided to not let your diagnosis get in the way of your dreams, and you pursued a career in science and engineering, subjects you were highly interested in since childhood. You wanted to prove to yourself and the world that having a ‘disability’ does not have to stand in the way of greatness.'

Traits: Erratic / Genius / Noncommital

Career: Astronaut, Scientist (GTW) or Engineer (DU)

Aspiration: You decide!

Since you have the Erratic trait, you may choose any aspiration for this final generation. But make sure to complete it!

Reach level 10 of the Handiness and Rocket Science skills, as well as the Robotics skill (DU) and at least level 5 of the Piano skill

If you have Discover University, have your sim earn a degree in either Physics or Computer Science

Reach level 10 in either the Astronaut career, Scientist career (GTW) or Engineer career (DU)

Build a rocket ship and visit Sixam

Have only one Best Friend (you may live with them or be roommates with them if you like)

Never have any romantic partners and die single

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The End

Thank you for reading and/or playing this challenge. I hope you enjoyed!

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