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sidekick-hero · 1 year

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Here is my hand, my heart, my throat, my wrist.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, AO3

(steddie | 3k | sfw)

March 1986

Deep down, he always knew he’d end up here, one way or the other. Steve Harrington does not get to keep the people he loves. He thought he’d learned that lesson with Nancy but apparently, he hadn’t.

Not everything has a happy ending.

How foolish of him to assume that meant something as simple as his own death.

Walking away from Eddie and Dustin had been the hardest thing he ever had to do in his life. He knew they would be safest of all, just decoys, not to engage with the fighting in any way. It was still terrifying to leave them behind. He remembers the relief he felt when Eddie had called out his name, clearly as unwilling to part as Steve had been. They’d just found each other after years of wasted time.

They looked at each other then, both lost for words; because what was there to say that didn’t sound like goodbye?

Now, he thinks, he might have to live in a world in which Eddie’s last words to him are “Make him pay.”

As soon as Vecna had vanished, Steve had turned heels and ran back towards the Upside Down version of Eddie’s trailer. The sinking feeling in his stomach had gotten worse with every passing minute and by the time he reached the trailer park he felt like his stomach tried coming out through his mouth.

He sees Eddie’s trailer about 50 feet to his right and a bit further ahead, he can make out a figure, kneeling on the ground. Steve pushes himself to run faster, his lungs burning and his body aching. He doesn’t care, can only think of big eyes the color of dark amber, looking at him with so many unsaid things. He thought they had time. Stupid. So fucking stupid.

It’s Dustin who's knelt on the ground, sobbing uncontrollably. In his arms lays Eddie. Dustin looks at Steve with so much despair in his eyes that Steve can barely stand looking at him. He failed him. Failed both of them and Eddie is paying the price. “Steve – he – he just cut the rope, I’m sorry, I don’t know what – You have to – “ a hiccup, the tears spilling over his cheeks in rivers of loss and despair “you have to help him, please, Steve, please.”

As Steve falls to the ground on Eddie’s other side, he sees the wounds. The blood. The paleness of his skin. Eddie’s eyes look even bigger than usual as they slowly turn to him. There’s a droplet of blood at the corner of his mouth that spills over as he tries to smile at Steve.

“Heya, Stevie.”

His voice sounds weak but has lost none of its warmth. Even dying Eddie manages to have only affection and care for Steve and Steve’s hit with how fucking unfair it all is. Eddie had always been a good guy, had always taken care of Steve for no reason except he wanted to. He doesn’t deserve to die. Steve gets it now, understands why Max loves that damn Kate Bush song so much. He’d make a deal with God if he only could, too.

“Hi.” His voice breaks and he swallows down the rising bile. “Are you – how do you feel?”

Steve wants to smack himself in the face, but Eddie just chuckles wetly. “I’ve been better.” His eyes never leave Steve’s face, like he's trying to memorize every little detail. “It’s not so bad, now that you’re here. I – “ his whole body shudders and Steve sees his breath comes out in little puffs of frosty air. “I’m just so cold.”

Steve grasps Eddie’s hands between his and closes his eyes for a moment as he feels how cold they are. “Let me keep you warm then.”

Steve starts to rub Eddie’s hands between his own, just like Eddie had done for him before. He smiles down at the other boy, crooked, and a tear drops down onto their clasped hands. Then another. And another. His voice shakes as much as Eddie’s body when he says “This reminds me of the first time we met. You remember, the woods? I had a concussion, and it was really fucking cold, I forgot my jacket, and you warmed my hands, just like that.”

Eddie looks at him with a fond look and Steve wants to scream at the universe to take him instead.

“Not the first time.” Eddie says with a smile. There’s blood between his teeth.

Steve blinks at him, baffled. “What?”

“That’s not the first time we met. But I warmed your hands just like that back then, too.”

“It wasn’t – but, that can’t be. I would know – I would remember you.” It couldn’t be right. Steve could never forget someone like Eddie Munson. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Eddie since that first time back in ’83.

Eddie eyes are still fond, but Steve can see how tired they are, how much effort it costs him to stay awake and talk to Steve. “I was being a dragon, remember? Look!" and with that, Eddie puffs deliberately, his frosty breath turning to smoke once more.

It hits Steve like a punch in the face. He remembers now. The little boy he met after he ran away from home and got his jacket stolen. His father had been furious. He always remembered that but had forgotten all about the little boy who had been a dragon. The little boy who had warmed his hands and had gotten him home safely. Just like Eddie had done so many times in the last few years.

“Eddie – “ he breathes out, almost inaudible. Can’t say more because this is too big, too much.

“You were my first friend, Stevie – even when you didn’t remember me, I’ve never forgotten you. After I ran into you in the woods, your pretty face all bruised and messed up, I swore to myself to look out for you the best I could. You clearly weren’t willing to do so yourself.”

Before Steve can say anything to that, like ‘Why couldn’t you look out for yourself, too?’ Eddie goes on. His eyes are closed and his voice has gotten quieter. Steve has to concentrate hard to understand what he is saying. “I just wish I had more time, y’know, ‘cause I get the feeling you’re one rash decision away from doing something selfless and stupid again.”

“No!”

He looks across Eddie at Dustin, who’s said it at the same time as Steve.

“You’re not dead, you hear me? This isn’t the end, Eddie. You can’t just quit man. We can fix this, right? Right, Steve?” Dustin looks at him, pleading with his eyes for Steve to help him, to save the day like he always does. And Dustin’s right, Eddie wasn’t dead. Not yet. They had to try.

Steve’s about to move to gather Eddie in his arms when Robin and Nancy arrive at the scene. Both are out of breath, and he thinks they want to be pissed that he just took off as fast as he could but one look at Eddie on the ground, clothes soaked in blood and Steve’s hands clasped firmly around his, and they realize why he did it.

“Oh Steve.” It’s Nancy, who knows exactly how Steve looks when he’s gutted at the prospect of losing someone he loves.

He looks at her with everything he feels laid bare for her to see. “Help me. Please.”

She takes a step towards them, fierce determination morphing her tired, dirty face. Steve never met anyone as fierce as her in his entire life. If anyone can do this, it’s Nancy Wheeler.

Together, they will save Eddie Munson’s life. They have to.

One week later

Steve’s in his room, dressed in nice pants and a dress shirt. He tries to tie a tie around his neck, too but his hands tremble too bad and he has to re-start yet again.

“Fuck.”

He rips it off his neck and throws it away, uncaring as to where it goes. Who gives a fuck anyway if he wears a tie or not, certainly not Eddie. It’s the only opinion that matters to him right now and he can’t even ask him, has to assume his stance on ties. Fuck.

The tie sails across the mess of clothes on his floor and lands on his unmade bed, right next to a denim vest full of patches and pins. Steve goes over to his bed and picks up the vest instead of the tie.

“You would have hated the fucking tie.” He says to the empty room. “I should just put on the vest, shouldn’t I? It’s way more metal.” Steve nods and smiles, like there was an actual answer only he can hear. He puts on the vest and makes his way down the stairs, where Robin and Nancy are waiting for him. They both look at him open-mouthed as he descends the stairs.

Nancy recovers first. “Steve, you really think this is –“ she starts but Robin interrupts her. “He would have loved it.” That settles it quickly.

“You go ahead and wait in the car, I just need to pick something up real quick.” With that, Steve turns around and runs back up the stairs to his room while Nancy and Robin go to wait in his car.

Steve joins them not even five minutes later.

When they enter the cemetery only eight other people are there, spaced into three groups. Wayne Munson and Chief Hopper stand at the head of the burial site, and a bit to their left the three guys from Eddie’s band. At the other end across from Munson and Hopper, Dustin, Mike and Lucas are gathered in a tight circle. Steve can see masses of onlookers behind the gates, gawking at them and whispering to each other, but no one dared to enter. He suspects that’s Hoppers doing and he’s thankful beyond words for the man who cheated death to come back to help them.

Dustin spots them first and he turns towards them with a serious expression on his face. He looks older now, they all do. Pain and grief do that to a person.

“You’re late.” The quip has nothing of Dustin’s usual tone and Steve thinks of the way Dustin had begged him to help Eddie, to save him. He doesn’t think Dustin will ever be quite the same as he had been before that.

“Sorry, tie wasn’t cooperating.” Dustin just nods, not commenting on the dirty denim vest Steve’s wearing; not even Mike Wheeler has one of his snarky remarks for him. Steve would have given anything for one of the little shithead’s insults right now.

“Should we start?”

They all nod and turn around towards the open grave. There’s a casket in it but it’s empty. They never found a body to put into it and Steve thinks that’s the worst for Eddie’s uncle, to not have that kind of closure. To always wonder, what if. What if his nephew was still out there. What if they had been wrong. What if there still was a chance. He seems like a nice guy; someone who loves Eddie and has a hard time letting go of him. Steve can relate. He doesn’t deserve that kind of pain, but Steve can’t do anything to take it away from him. Not today.

When everyone is gathered around the open grave, Wayne Munson steps forward. “My nephew was a good boy, a kind boy. He had not been without faults, no one is. But he always tried to be better. Better than his father, his reputation. Better than this shitty, narrow-minded town deserved. Better than I deserved. I was supposed to take care of him but really, he took care of me. That’s just what Eddie did; took care of people. I just wish the world would have taken better care of him.”

With that, he kneels at the grave and throws in a mug. Steve couldn’t see what was on it but it must have meant something to Eddie and Wayne. Wayne gets back up and walks to stand beside Hopper again. There are tears on his face, clearly visible but he looks without shame, doesn’t even move to wipe them away.

“You can say goodbye now, too. It means a lot that you’re here, means a whole lot to know that some people knew Eddie, and cared about him.”

His eyes stay on Steve for another long moment, taking in his outfit, the vest that clearly belonged to his nephew and still bore signs of the hardships they went through together. Dustin had been the one to talk to Wayne because Steve just couldn't. He had never been the one good with words.

Everyone steps towards the grave and mumbles a few words, mostly too quiet to hear and throws something into it. Everyone respects the unspoken desire to have something that just belongs to the grieving and Eddie, so they all keep their distance from the grave until it was their turn.

Steve waits until everyone else had their turn and walked away from the grave, towards the exit of the cemetery. Only then does he step forward.

“Hi Eddie.” He pauses, unsure what to say. This was all so stupid.

“I brought you something, too. It’s probably stupid, but so is this whole thing. Hell, what am I supposed to say? That I’ll miss you? That I wish you were here? That I wish I had told you how I felt about you sooner, wasted less time with figuring stuff out? Yeah, well. I won’t say that to an empty grave, sorry.” He takes a deep breath. Then, he reaches behind himself, to the back of his pants where he tucked something. He gets it out and holds it in his hands. “I thought you might find this funny. Or sweet. Or maybe not. Don’t know you well enough to tell, I guess.”

With that, he looks at the tiny stuffed dragon in his hands. He considers it for a long moment before tucking it back into his pants, the vest covering it up.

“I see ya, Munson.” He turns around and walks towards his car. Everyone else had already left; they knew he needed to do this alone.

He gets into the car and starts driving out of Hawkins. Leaves that godforsaken town in the rearview mirror. Vecna is still around, parts of the Upside Down have spilled into their world and the next battle was just ahead of them. In his not so proud moments, he just wants to floor it, to get the hell out of dodge and let other people deal with this shitshow.

Steve shuts those thoughts down for now. He just drives for almost an hour before a tall building appears around the next corner. He steers the car towards it, parks his Beemer and gets out. There’s no one at the reception when he enters but he doesn’t worry. There never is. The building looks abandoned. Steve knows it isn’t.

He knows his way by now, so he strides towards an unmarked door on the third floor with long steps. The eerie silence around him should be creepy, but somehow it comforts him. It feels like a bubble, protected from the burdens of the outside world. He reaches his destination and pauses in front of the door for a second. His hands reach for his hair, and he fluffs it, just a bit. Shakes his head at himself. Straightens his shirt and adjusts his pants. Then, he enters.

“Hey sweetheart, sorry I’m late. The – everything took a bit longer than expected. How’s one of America’s best kept secrets doing today?”

Big, brown eyes turn towards him, and a smile greets him.

“Hey there, big boy. Pleasure to see your pretty face. I dig the outfit.” Eddie still looks tired, his wounds a stark contrast against his too pale skin and the meds for his pain have him a bit woozy, but it’s getting better. For someone whose heart stopped more than once he looks exceptionally well, Steve thinks. “I’m okay-ish? I would feel better if we could let Wayne into that well-kept secret at least. How’s he taking it?”

Steve thinks about lying but decides against it. It wouldn’t help Eddie, who’d see right through him, but only himself. And he’s trying to be done with that.

“He’s taking it pretty hard. Hopper and Joyce take turns visiting him and keeping an eye out. I think it helps, to not be alone. And it won’t be forever, you know that.” They actually don’t know that. The government puppets keep a tight lid on what was about to happen next. Steve had other priorities so far to really push. He changes the subject, subtle like a ninja.

“I brought you something. A little pick-me-up to motivate you to get better as fast as possible.”

Either the meds are affecting Eddie more than he lets on or he decided to let Steve get away with his clumsy attempt at brightening the mood. Either way, Eddie’s smile broadens and his mood turns flirty. “The thought of getting out of here to have my wicked ways with you again is all the motivation I need, darling.” Steve blushes at the memory, but his grin is pleased.

“Well, then consider this another motivation.” And with that, he pulls out the little stuffed dragon and places it in Eddie’s hands. Eddie looks baffled for a moment before his face lights up so much, it’s blinding. Steve’s glad he didn’t throw it in the empty grave. “You like it?”

“Like it? I love it!” He presses a kiss to it before cuddling it to his chest. “I’ll name him Stevie and I’ll take him with me to bed every night.”

“You think he’ll share with me?”

“Only if you’re real nice to me.”

“Deal.”

__________________________

OMG it's finally done. My first steddie multi-chapter fic and my first steddie fic I ever wrote. Thank you so much @baronsamediswife for your unending support and awesome cheerleader skills. I would crash and burn without you. 😘

And thank you @legitcookie for spitballing ideas with me, cheering me on and beta-ing that final chapter. Writer Soulmates for sure! 💜💜💜

And last, but certainly not least thank you @thefreakandthehair for giving back to the fandom and organizing that winter fic challenge. It was exactly what I needed to find my way back to writing and it's been the best thing ever since 🙏😍

And @urmomification you wanted to be tagged :)) (which still blows my mind tbh)

#steddie #steddie fanfic #steve harrington x eddie munson #stranger things fanfiction #my writing

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neonacity · 3 years

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HYACINTHE | CHAPTER 3: JAEMIN X READER

SUMMARY:

Na Jaemin is far from being your typical 20 year old. Instead of slaving through college, he wastes away his hours cracking safes. Weekends that should be spent partying with friends consist of illegal races on good days and small scale bombings on bad ones. Na Jaemin is far from being average, unless you consider being a member of Seoul’s top organized crime family normal.

There is no such thing as a sense of normality and peace in his trainwreck of a life, so when he met a barista who was brave enough to call out his dangerous taste in coffee, he was like a moth to the flame. Everything about her is normal, which means she is forbidden to him, in all sense of the word. So why, then, does he always find himself at the front steps of her shop, breaking all his personal rules even if he wishes he could stay away?

A/N + Disclaimer: this is a side story to Black Daisies, my main mafia fic feat. 0T23. While the plot is based on the main story, this can also be read as a standalone fic. As usual, this is purely a work of fiction and in no way am I implying any member of NCT to behave the way I write them here. tw: crimes, heists, potential death, mentions of drugs and other illegal activities.

PAIRING: Jaemin x Reader

TW: illegal activities, gunshot wound, mentions of blood

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

FIC TRAILER

MASTERLIST

"Another bank was looted last night around 11PM, this time in the Geumchon district. This is the second bank that was broken into in the past week and the fourth that is rumored to be the doing of one of Seoul's organized criminal…."

I sighed and put down the pen that I have been using to scribble on a piece of napkin. A frown creased my forehead before I grabbed the offending piece of flimsy paper and crumpled it with my hand. Jeno, who was silently watching the news, looked up and shot me a curious look. He was leaning over the counter lazily, his cup of half finished hot cocoa beside him.

"You okay?"

I winced. "Yeah... Actually. Actually, no. I am not okay," I said finally as I threw the used napkin to the closest thrash. I have been scribbling all the things I have to pay for the coming month there and couldn't bear to take another look at it. Jeno grabbed his drink and silently took a sip of it, obviously waiting for me to elaborate.

After my initial 'unplanned' meeting with Jaemin's friends, it has become more or less of their routine to drop by the cafe to hangout. Jaemin was initially against it at first, always scowling whenever he would see one of them already in the shop, though it seems like he has gotten used to it lately—or rather, he didn't have any other choice but to simply accept it. They would often sometimes come in groups—Jisung and Chenle are big fans of the pastries—but other times it's just one of them who would drop by to visit like Jeno now. My favorite is when all of them drops by to visit, not only because I've started getting closer to them too, but because customers would automatically flock into the shop whenever the "handsome gang" is there. Honestly, I couldn't blame them.

"I'm a little bit short on money this month. I was supposed to get my monthly allowance from my scholarship but something happened so it will be delayed. I have lab things to buy and well—everything sucks."

Jeno nodded slowly, though I have a feeling he doesn't really understand my plight with money. Spending time with the seven of them has given me a better understanding of each boys' personalities. Jeno, for example, is definitely the calmer one of the bunch. While the others would cause chaos every now and then—Jaemin included, he would be on the side watching them usually with that adorable eye smile of his. He is different from Mark who would mostly jump in to join the fun before calming everyone once things get overboard, though both seem to share the same responsibility over the group. He also seems to be the closest to Jaemin, so by extension, I am also most comfortable around him.

"How much money do you need?"

I gave him a look as I reached out for a paper cup to make myself my own hot cocoa.

"I heard the same question from your best friend before. Are you also going to offer to be my sugar daddy?"

Jeno choked on his drink and hid his laughter behind his raised cup.

"Do you want Jaemin to kill me?"

That made me inappropriately blush.

"Sometimes I just want to bust out a bank like that group everyone is talking about."

Jeno didn't say anything and continued watching me from the brim of his drink.

"You think you can do it?"

"Do what?" I asked as I poured hot cocoa on my cup. I said that off-handedly, I almost forgot my words the moment they left my lips.

"Rob a bank. You know, do something illegal."

I leaned back against the counter and craned my head a little sideways as I thought the question over. I didn't actually think of that before so I had to listen to my moral compass a little bit before answering.

"It depends on the reason."

Jeno looked surprised by my reply. He was probably expecting a goody two shoes answer from me, which I don’t blame him for, to be honest. Even I am mildly shocked by what I said.

"The reason?"

"Yes. I mean, if the only reason I would steal is because I don't have money to support my studies, then no, I wouldn't do it. I have other options. I can work extra jobs or I can just drop out from uni. But if I didn't really have any other choice, if I had to do it for someone really close to me, for example, then I would do it."

"That is very…"

"Cliche, right? I know. But that's how it works, at least for me," I said with a laugh. "I do know what's good and bad, but I'm willing to jump the gun if I have to."

I didn't know if it was my imagination, but I thought I heard Jeno murmur something under his breath as I turned to get back to work.

"I bet Jaemin wouldn't like that."

-----

PRESENT DAY, a little over one month after the happenings in the first chapter.

They disappeared like bubbles. No, he disappeared in thin air, like smoke that was blown over by a strong gust of wind. After that night when Jaemin bust through my cafe door, hiding god knows what and asking for temporary shelter, he hasn't shown himself again, apparently leaving while I slipped into a light sleep. Even his friends stopped visiting the cafe which, for a few days, made me genuinely feel scared. Are they okay? What happened to him? Who was he running away from?

That worry slowly and gradually morphed into anger as the days lengthened. I know it was my way of coping with my emotions, but I couldn't help myself. I tried calling him, but the line was cut. It even came to the point that I had to call each of his friends, but it seems like the numbers they gave me were all temporary ones, too. I felt frustrated. I felt...abandoned.

Was it really easy for him to just cut off all contact with me?

Was it foolish of me to think that there is...something deeper here than just friendship?

It was the start of winter when the loud ringing of my phone woke me up from my nap. Eyes still heavy with sleep, my first instinct was to look at the clock by my table which registered 1:19AM. I frowned. I was in the middle of finishing a paper before I decided to take a nap but who could be calling me at such an ungodly hour?

I blearily reached out for my phone and barely looked at the unregistered number before hitting the answer button.

"Hello?"

"Noona?"

I froze. Just like that, I felt the sleepiness slowly melt away from my consciousness. I know that voice.

"Jisung?"

"Noona, we need your help."

I sat up on my seat after registering the panic in his voice. I heard another tone suddenly hiss at him from the background before a rustling sound overtook the speakers. It sounded like someone grabbed the phone from his grasp before he could even react.

"Jisung. What's happening—"

"Hello?" The new voice that spoke on the other line made my heart stop. I stared at my wall, wide-eyed.

"Jaemin."

"I'm sorry. We didn't mean to—"

"Jaemin, we don’t really have any other choice but her, give me the phone," another one jumped in. It was Mark.

"No. Hyung—"

"We're losing him," my lips parted in shock at what I heard. His voice sounded clearer now and I could very much pick up the iciness on it. Mark has always been so friendly and warm that it threw me off guard.

"Give me the phone."

The authority he held made me assume that Jaemin did as he was told. Next thing I know, he was calling out my name from the speaker.

"Mark, yes, I'm listening."

"Hey. I'm really sorry about this, but we need your help. We really have no other choice, Haechan is in such a bad state—"

That made me stand up and push away from my desk.

"What the hell is going on? What do you mean about Haechan?"

"I'll explain later. We're on our way to you now."

"Wait, what? You don't know my address."

"We'll be there in seven minutes."

That was all he said before he cut off the call, leaving me standing shell-shocked in the middle of my room.

---

They banged on my door not even five minutes after. I had barely pulled on a cardigan when loud knocks rang through my small one bedroom unit causing me to quickly run and grab my knob open.

I stood frozen at the sight of the seven boys crowding my doorway. Everyone was covered in some sort of soot, leaving them almost unrecognizable in their black outfits. Mark and Jeno were in the middle of the group, carrying a half-conscious Haechan between them. Jisung, Chenle, and Renjun brought the rear, their eyes moving wildly as if checking for eavesdroppers. Jaemin stood closest to me, his jaw tense and his eyes apologetic. My gaze snapped back to the center of the group when Mark called out my name.

That's when I saw it for the first time. I didn't notice it at first because of its dark color, but Jeno was holding a towel against Haechan's stomach. Except it isn't black, it was a deep dark red.

Blood.

"Oh my god."

"Please help us."

Maybe it was the shock, but I quickly stepped aside to let everyone in. I had barely slammed the door shut when I heard a crashing sound from my small dining area. Jeno pushed everything on top of my table to the ground as Mark and Jaemin gently guided Haechan on it.

"What—what is going on—"

"He's been shot. Thrice. We're not sure but I think two of the bullets are still there," Renjun answered me as he grabbed the soaked towel from Mark's hand and replaced it with a new one. Jisung and Chenle worked on closing all the shutters of my windows while Jaemin tore off a lamp from my living room to move it close to Haechan. He closed all other lights other than the ones on the dining area and the small lamp.

It was then when my training finally kicked in. I ran towards the table to peer at the wound, my shaking hands gently moving the new towel that is quickly getting soaked by blood again. Haechan gave a soft grunt of pain before slipping to unconsciousness again.

"I think there are still foreign objects there. It's what causing the severe bleeding."

"Can you take it out?"

My eyes shot to Jeno. The harsh lights from the lamp threw strong shadows on his stressed features.

"I'm not a licensed doctor."

"We don't need a licensed doctor right now, we need someone who can patch the hole in his stomach. Please."

I gritted my teeth. I have a ton of questions running through my head right now, but he's right. We need to act fast or else we will lose him. I rolled up my sleeves then and called out to whoever can act fast to my orders.

"Somebody get the black box under my bed. I have all my surgery practice tools there. I need hot water and lots of towels. Everyone move. Now."

As soon as I said my orders, each of the boys were moving in a flurry to get everything that I asked for. I was adjusting the small lamp directly over the wound to peer at it better when I felt a gentle hand circle around my arm. I looked up to see Jaemin staring at me.

"Thank you."

I didn't say anything at first. I don't know if it was the shadows playing over his features, but he looked different from the Jaemin I knew in that brief moment.

"Don't thank me yet. Say that once we're sure he survives."

---

I was stirred from my sleep by the light snoring of someone to my right. Turning my head, I was greeted by the sight of Jisung who was currently sprawled on my sofa, his legs so long that they were dangling on one end. Chenle was on the floor below him, his face covered by one of the pillows he probably fished from one of my love seats cradling Renjun's curled up form. Mark and Jeno were both sitting upright, the former close to Haechan and the other by the door like a sentinel. They seemed to be in deep sleep too, they're heads hanging low. Jaemin was on the floor next to my seat, his breathing slow and relaxed.

I blinked slowly as my gaze moved from boy to boy. It took me a painful two hours to do the impromptu surgery, first working on taking the bullets out before sewing everything back together. Haechan was lucky enough that the bullets didn't hit any vital organs or important vessels, and that the extreme bleeding was only caused by the wrong muscle being hit by the impact. He slipped from being conscious to unconscious throughout, and everyone had to work together to help me while I did my thing.

I couldn’t really blame any of them from crashing the moment we made sure that Haechan’s safe—for now.

After rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I tried to silently move from where I was curled on, careful not to stir anyone. I still have a ton of questions, but those can be taken care of later. I padded as carefully as I could towards the table where Haechan was still resting and peered at the IV that I had hooked on his arm to make sure everything was moving well.

They even have spare blood bags with them for emergency transfusions.

...As if this kind of thing normally happens.

"He's going to be okay, right?"

I hastily turned to see Jaemin staring at me. His voice was low and was only loud enough for me to hear.

I stared at him for a bit before looking away.

"Yes. He'll survive."

"Thank you so much."

I didn't answer. He also didn't say anything else, though I could still feel his gaze heavily on me. I braced myself before speaking again.

"We need to talk."

I didn't wait for him to reply. I simply walked towards my room, leaving my door open for him to follow. I only turned back to look at him when I finally heard it close softly behind him.

"Who are you?" I asked, before he could even say anything else. I watched as his jaw tightened and released, his eyes full of indecisiveness. I didn't waver. Not this time.

"You said…"

"That I will never ask questions? I did. But I can't do it anymore, Jaemin. You disappeared for a month without even saying goodbye then showed up on my door with your friends, one of them with a hole in their stomach. You have blood bags—freaking blood bags. What the hell is going on?"

I tried my hardest to control my voice, not wanting any part of this conversation to be heard outside. My legs felt weak at the moment but I tried my best to continue standing so I could hold his gaze.

The look in Jaemin's eyes, however, almost made me want to give up. I knew from the pain and hesitation there that I wouldn't like whatever it is he is about to say.

"I'm a criminal."

My stomach dropped.

I was expecting it, but hearing it straight from him didn't soften the impact and the shock.

"A…"

"We steal. We do illegal things. There is absolutely no good way for me to describe this, but yes, I am a runaway who was stupid enough to bring you into this mess," Jaemin said through gritted teeth as he tore his eyes away from me. He ran a hand through his hair and tried to take a deep breath to steady himself.

"I was stupid and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone back and tried to befriend you after that order of coffee. I'm sorry I ran to you that night a month ago. I seriously thought I was going to die and I wanted you to be the one that I see for the last time. I'm sorry for today, or that I couldn't answer any of your questions back then. It was selfish of me to keep you in my life without giving you anything back," he stopped and forced himself to look at me again. My heart squeezed painfully in my chest when our gazes met.

"I'm sorry."

I didn't… couldn't say anything. One part of me had already expected this because it is the only reason that makes sense. Those vague answers, his detachment from normal society, the money, every clue seems to point to one direction, but that didn't spare me from my moral dilemma now. Because while I knew, I didn't exactly consider how it relates to me.

I was afraid to.

Because the truth is, I like Na Jaemin to the extent that I'm afraid of what I can do for him.

"Do you kill…" I asked in a whisper, my voice shaky. A frown passed his already stressed features before he answered.

"No. None of us do," he answered, and I knew then that he was telling the truth. Regardless of what he is or what he didn't tell me, I trust him to not lie to me.

"Am I—am I in danger?" I asked next. He firmly shook his head.

"No. I made sure of that. No one would dare—" he stopped, as if gauging what words he can use to not scare me even more. "You have always been under protection."

That’s when it clicked. The cafe visits from his friends. The random strangers who seem to spring out from nowhere every time I was out and about and needed sudden help.

My legs finally gave way and I collapsed on my bed behind me. My mind was trying its best to wrap around the situation, leaving my thoughts in a jumble. There are a million things I wanted to say, but I couldn’t get a single one out at the moment.

Jaemin seemed to know what I was feeling at the very least because he simply stood there, silently watching me. I'm not sure how long the two of us stayed in that bubble of silence, but it was also him who brought me back to reality when I felt warmth cover my hands.

I looked up to see him kneeling in front of me, both his hands gently enveloping my clasped ones. The look in his eyes made my heart lurch, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything still.

"I'm sorry if I was selfish… I promise, after this, you won't have to worry about anything else."

No.

"When I met you, I saw something that's so different from the life that I have. Believe me, I tried my best to leave you alone, but I wanted more of it—more of —you, so I kept coming back."

Are you going to leave me again?

"But you'll be safe now. I promise. You can go back to how it used to be before I… almost ruined it."

Please don't leave me.

Jaemin gave my hands one last squeeze and I felt him move to straighten himself. Before he let them go, however, another gentle warmth pressed against my forehead as he grazed it with his lips.

"Thank you."

My tears dropped the same time the doors closed behind him.

---

Chapter 4

121 notes · View notes

safertokiss · 4 years

Text

There’s No One Else

A/N: Heyooo! I loved this request so of course I had to write something for it. It’s my first MGG fic, but it was super fun to write and I plan to do more fics for his other roles. Thanks for the support and all the kind words!<3 P.S. I decided to try out 2nd person in this one.

Request: “Can you do an angst/smut with Matthew but it's the set of criminal minds and they are shooting a scene and reader likes Matthew but she is keeping it a secret? sorry if that didn't make any sense. I love your writing!!” ( @victomizedbyreginageorge )

Pairing: MATTHEW GRAY GUBLERx FEM! READER

Category: SMUT, slight angst, and of course fluff

Word Count: 5.2k

ENJOY!:)

~~~

MASTERLIST

~~~

Ever since you were a child, you knew that you were destined to be on the set of a production studio, surrounded by the biggest stars the business had to offer. Granted, you had always assumed you’d be the one in front of the camera rather than behind, but I guess beggars can’t be choosers in this world.

It’s not that you disliked being Khalia Dark’s assistant. She was a world renown celebrity, loved by all who were graced with her presence, from afar that is. Anyone who had the “honor” to get up close and personal with her, yourself included, knew she wasn’t the sweetest of the bunch. If you were to use your own words, she was a mythic bitch. Adored by millions, envied by more, which was pretty much the case for all of the A-listers out here anyway. Although you could do without the woman being in your vicinity, you didn’t mind being her servant most of the time.

More often than not you were certain she forgot about your existence all together, which usually gave you a chance to breathe for a bit. While your job brought about many positives for yourself, for example the extensive knowledge of posh coffees that you would have memorized for life, the highlight of the endeavor was without a doubt the exclusive access to the extravagant movie and TV sets that the queen bee happened to be appearing in each given week. Today, much to your excitement, was one of those days. Usually movies were more her forte so it was always a nice, refreshing change when she booked a role for the small screen.

Her newest conquest in the industry just happened to be one of your favorite shows to have ever aired, Criminal Minds. Of course you were trying to remain professional, but it became increasingly difficult the closer you got to the studio lot’s entrance. The child in you was screaming with joy at the prospect of being there, surrounded by some of your favorite actors and actresses in the industry. You couldn’t even consider the possibility that you would get to meet Matthew Gray Gubler, the object of your affections for as long as you had been watching the show. That simply was a no go. You were positive that if at any point in time he was in your vicinity, you would simply lose consciousness, and that wouldn’t exactly be the best first impression. The further you walked onto the set, the more amazed you were. You were so familiar with it after years of watching, it just felt like a second home. After breaking out of your stupor, you quickly spun around to try and locate your boss, immediately colliding with whatever was in front of you, letting out a small “oomf”. Well. Whoever.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I wasn’t paying atten-.”

You immediately froze mid-sentence when your eyes caught up with your actions. Fuck. This is not happening. It was him. Standing less than a foot away from you was the one and only Mr. Matthew Gray Gubler, live and in the flesh. Fucking hell.

“Hey it’s no problem, I promise. Don’t worry about it. I’m not exactly the most coordinated person on the planet either, trust me”, he said, chuckling lightly. Running a hand through his unkempt curls, he momentarily let his eyes roam your frame before seemingly snapping out of it, clearing his throat and extending one of his strong looking hands towards you.

“I’m Matthew by the way.”

You, however, were still frozen in place. Realizing how stupid you looked just standing there, openly ogling the man in front of you, you quickly met his hand, a nervous smile adorning your face. His hands were so fucking soft.

Chuckling once again, he seemed to be waiting for something.

“And you are?”

Oh shit. You hadn’t even introduced yourself yet! So much for first impressions you thought.

“O-oh right! Sorry. I'm Y/N. Ms. Dark’s assistant”, you stuttered out, entranced by the specimen in front of you. “Wow, that’s a beautiful name. Well I guess it’s fitting. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.”

Wait a second. Had you heard those words correctly. THE Matthew Gray Gubler just called you beautiful? You must’ve been dreaming, there was simply no other explanation. But when you glanced at him he was once again trailing his eyes all over you. Holy shit. You thought you were going to implode on the spot.

“Th-thank you”, you muttered shyly, feeling the blush spread across your features faster than a wildfire in a dry forest. After your weak excuse of an answer left your lips, the two of you just continued to stare at each other for what felt like hours. Eventually you were broken out of your trance by the director calling all of the actors to their places across the lot.

“I-um-I gotta go do a scene, but it was a pleasure to meet you Y/N. I hope I get to see more of you around here.” With a quick wink in my direction, he was off in the direction of the other actors swarming to the set from their trailers. For the third time in the last five minutes you were frozen to the spot in which you stood on the pavement. What in the actual fuck just happened? He called you beautiful. He wants to see more of you. HE WINKED AT YOU. This time you felt like you were truly about to lose consciousness so you booked it to the bathroom to calm yourself. After splashing some water on your face, you felt your body temperature returning to a somewhat normal degree and decided you should probably go to the set in case the Queen of Hearts needed anything from you.

When you approached the scene that was being filmed, you were able to deduct fairly quickly what the plot revolved around. Apparently Khalia had been hired as the episode’s damsel in distress victim, typical. She was definitely the type to rely on others for pretty much anything. That wasn’t what was catching your eye though. Even from where you were standing you could clearly see her making eyes at Matthew. I guess you couldn’t blame her, he was gorgeous, but it still made you feel so insecure. It really just served as a reminder that people like him would never go after people like you. They want the ones who count. They want Ms. Khalia Dark. In what world would someone like him want a nobody like Y/N Y/L/N? There wasn’t one that came to mind. And while this revelation was pretty damn heartbreaking, you couldn’t say you were shocked by the cold, hard truth.

Feeling like you had lost a war that hadn’t ever really even begun, you turned back to look at Matthew, deciding to make the most of however short the time was that you’d be here. However, he was nowhere to be seen. You quickly realized that while you had been distracted, the scene had switched to something else, one where Matthew appeared to be absent.

“Hey again!”

You literally jumped off the ground and let out a little yelp at the noise, you were so startled.

“Oops, I’m sorry! Didn’t mean to scare you, sweetheart,” he got out between adorable giggles. Damn, this man was gonna be the death of you. Literally. If he scared you like that again, you might actually have a heart attack.

“Jesus Matthew! A little warning next time!” You couldn’t help but join in his giggling after a few seconds. Returning his gesture just made the two of you laugh even harder until both of your chests hurt like hell. His laugh was angelic. Perfect. Just like him. For some reason, after you guys had calmed down a bit, you noticed him once again looking you up and down, admiring your body. You even swore you saw him lick his lips. You must be imagining things. Weird. Very weird. Bringing his wandering eyes back to yours, a goofy grin was plastered across his face. You hadn’t even realized you were biting your lip until he reached towards you, dislodging your teeth from the soft skin. “Don’t do that,” he said with a much more serious expression adorning his features. Before you really had the chance to decipher what had just happened, a loud voice cut through the air directed towards you both, causing you to put a bit of space between the two of you. You were able to easily recognize the sultry voice as Shemar’s, turning towards him, a smirk on his face.

“What’s going on that’s so funny over here,” he questioned before his attention shifted to focus solely on you. “My, my. And what’s your name sugar?” You were starstruck for what felt like the thousandth time that day, standing there with your mouth awkwardly hanging open.

“Hi, I’m Y/N. I work for Kahlia, her assistant actually. Nice to meet you”, you answered brightly, a polite smile gracing your lips.

“Trust me, the pleasure is all mine sweetness”, he concluded with a wink. While the action was endearing, it had nowhere near the same effect on you as Matthew’s did. You had always adored Morgan on the show, but you didn’t really know Shemar well enough to have any serious opinions about the dude. Matthew, however, you knew everything there was to be known, from his haunted treehouse to his love of Halloween. You weren’t proud of your obsession, but you couldn’t deny the unbelievably strong attraction you had for the man to your left. Regardless, the interaction caused a blush to spread, though this time it was caused more by being flustered rather than speechless.

You were about to say something else to try and salvage some of the pride you had just lost, but you were beaten to the punch by Romeo himself.

“Nothing’s happening over here actually, Shemar. I was having a private conversation with Y/N and I’d appreciate it if you let us get back to it. Thank you.” Matthew’s voice had picked up an edge and his eyes were dark. Like really dark. Although the situation was super uncomfortable and kind of unsettling, considering how feral he looked, you couldn’t help to think about how HOT it was. How hot he was.

“Woah, sorry kid. I didn’t mean to interrupt, just thought I’d introduce myself.”

Seeming to notice his mistakes, Matthew’s eyes quickly returned to their normal color and he stuttered out an apology, with slightly labored breaths.

“No, no I’m sorry man. I didn’t mean to snap like that, just been kind of on edge today”, he said, darting his eyes towards you quickly before redirecting his attention and clearing his throat.

“It’s all good Pretty Ricky, I get like that sometimes too. I’ll catch you guys later. It was nice to meet you Y/N”, he spoke before turning and retreating in the direction of the cast trailers. Shifting your focus back to Matthew, you could tell he was still a bit tense. You gently placed your hand on his shoulder to grab his attention, quietly asking if he was ok.

“Hmm what? Oh, um yeah. Yup. I’m-I’m good. All good. Like I said just a little on edge today. I haven’t had enough coffee”, he hastily responded. Before you could push further, the silence was broken by a shrill voice you were too familiar with, Khalia, unfortunately calling for your assistance at one of the most inopportune times. You turned back to him and gave a sad smile.

“See you around,” you asked, with just a little too much excitement laced in your voice.

“Y-yeah. Of course!” He seemed to have perked up a bit and gave you a wide grin. With a small wave, you were off to do whatever in God’s name the queen wanted from you now.

~~~

The week you were on set was surprisingly going by pretty damn quickly.

As much as you were anxiously awaiting the end so you could be free from Khalia for a bit of time, you couldn’t help but lament the fact that you would have to leave what felt like your second home. You would have to leave Matthew. That’s what hurt most of all. The two of you had become quite close in the short time you had been on set. Well, maybe not close per say, but comfortable? Sure. You guys were comfortable with each other, maybe a little too much on your end. Since that moment with Shemar and his outburst, the tenseness never seemed to dissipate completely. The two of you had shared some quick glances while he was filming a scene or while you were navigating the complex maze that was this sound stage. Whenever the two of you were near each other, he always appeared to go out of his way to get some kind of contact with you, whether it was his shoulder rubbing against yours or his fingers brushing yours as he passed by you. You, still in the mindset that someone as amazing and talented as him would never want anything to do you with you, didn’t really think much of his actions, simply playing them off as accidents and coincidences.

Although you caught him staring at you on more than one occasion during your time there, you definitely spent the majority of your time ogling the fine specimen. You didn’t understand how a person could be so perfect. Seemingly no flaws. Sure, you had known pretty much every fun fact about the man when you had arrived on set a couple days ago, but now that you had spent some time with him, you were even more enamored. Matthew was an enigma and you wanted him. So fucking bad. Unfortunately, so did basically every other girl on the planet. You really shouldn’t be wasting so much time thinking about him, but at this point you were just in too deep. Watching him do his thing on the sound stage was like watching your own personal exhibition, so much talent pouring out of him he shouldn’t have even been allowed to do what he does. The world would certainly be a lot darker without his geniusness though so you supposed it was ok. As the scene you had been watching came to a close, you decided you really wanted to talk to Matthew again, missing the sound of his velvety voice as he focused on you and only you during the few conversations you’d gotten to have so far. Just as you were about to reach him, though, Khalia appeared out of nowhere directly in front of him with the same look in her eyes she had given him your first day on set. Hunger. You didn’t really know what to do now so you just kind of stood there watching the interaction. The conversation was just out of range, but you could tell she had said something that had made them both laugh. You also watched her place her hands on him in a very flirty way. And much to your dismay, he didn’t seem to be that bothered by it.

You knew that you had absolutely no right to be jealous of her advances, seeing there was nothing between the two of you, but you couldn’t help but feel a bit hurt. You had known all along that he didn’t have those kinds of feelings for you, but the cold, hard truth being presented on a silver platter right in your face sucked. A whole hell of a lot. Deciding to leave the two of them to enjoy their moment, you turned and made your way to the snack table on the opposite side of the room. As you got closer, you noticed Shemar lingering around it, seemingly snacking on something among the array of treats presented on the table.

“Hey. Nice to see you again”, you said with a small smile, alerting him of your presence.

You had gotten a bit closer to him over the last few days, getting to know more about him, rather than just his character. He was a really nice guy. Very charming, much like his TV counterpart.

“Y/N! Hey! How are you today?”

“I’m ok. Not one of the best, but hey I’m alive I guess”, you said with a sad smile. Worry quickly spreading across his face, he pulled you into a hug, gently caressing your back.

“Hey don’t say that babydoll. It might not be the best of days, but everyday is worth living in my eyes. We’re all so lucky to be given the chance to be here so why not say fuck it and make everyday a party.” You pulled away from him chuckling at his words, feeling slightly better than you had before. You were grateful for Shemar helping you out when you needed a mood boost.

“Thanks Shemar. You sure know how to make a girl feel better.”

“Anytime baby girl”, he said with a wink, making you giggle again at his silly nicknames and behavior towards you. A little bit more at ease, you let your eyes survey the room real quick, eventually landing on Matthew. A very angry and annoyed looking Matthew. He was staring directly at the two of you, his hands balled into fists at his sides, his breathing heavy, his eyes as dark as could be. Less than a minute later, he turned around and stormed off in the direction of what you assumed was his trailer. Quickly focusing on Shemar again, you excused yourself and then immediately ran off in the direction he had headed just moments before.

You were able to locate the trailer simply labeled “MGG” fairly quickly and you cautiously approached the steps leading up to the entrance. Would he even want to see you? Why were you special enough to even be this close to his trailer? Before you could second guess yourself anymore, you speedily climbed the steps and knocked on the door, an action based solely on the fact he was without a doubt upset about something and apparently it was your fault to some degree.

You heard some rustling behind the door before his voice rang out.

“Who is it?”

Shit. He sounded really upset. Pushing aside the anxiety bubbling in your chest, you decided that you were curious more than anything and wanted to know what you had done to get his panties in such a twist.

“I-It’s Y/N.”

Immediately the door swung open, making you jump slightly. Without saying a word, he grabbed your arm and dragged you over the threshold, handling you like a rag-doll. Once you were inside he released your arm and began pacing around the trailer, breathing pretty heavily. Maybe it was a mistake coming here. You thought you should probably go and leave him alone for a bit so he could cool off.

“I-I shouldn’t have come here. I’ll leave you be”, you sputtered out, quickly making your way towards the exit. However, before you could even reach the door, his deep voice echoed through the trailer.

“Why did you let him touch you like that?”

You froze mid-step, unsure of how to respond. “Huh?” Wow, nice going Y/N. Really scraped the dictionaries for that one.

“Shemar. Why did you let him put his hands on you and touch you like that?” As he spoke his question, he slowly moved towards you, like a predator eyeing its prey. What was he talking about? Why did he care that you and Shemar had shared a brief hug? And most perplexing of all, why in the hell was he looking at you with such fire in his eyes.

“I-I don’t know what you mean Matthew.”

After his name fell from your lips, you saw his mouth twitch as he moved to close the gap between the two of you, leaving just enough space that your breaths intermingled, but no actual physical contact was occuring.

“You’re mine, Y/N. You. Are. Mine.” What did he just say? Were you imagining this whole situation in some sick dream of yours? Your brain was struggling to catch up.

“What are you even talki-.”

Before you could finish your sentence, Matthew had surged forward, clashing his mouth against yours, hungrily devouring your lips like they were his favorite meal. You moaned at the contact, letting the shock envelope your entire body. He was ravenous, tongue pressing against your lips, begging for entry. Finally processing what the hell was happening, your mouth quickly opened and welcomed his needy tongue, feeling it tangle with yours as he released the most delicious moan you had ever heard in all the years you had been alive. His hands moved frantically, hastily ripping at the clothes covering your body, desperate to feel any part of you that he could.

You couldn’t even comprehend how this was happening. Matthew wanted you? Not only did he want you, but he was acting on it too. Fuck. He had said you were his. Did he really mean that?

Breaking away from your lips to pull your blouse over your head, you could’ve sworn you heard a growl escape his throat as his eyes hungrily drank in your appearance, left only in your bra and panties. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous. How are you so fucking hot?” Holy shit. The pure lust that dripped in his words made your legs feel like Jell-O, barely keeping it together as he shed his own shirt and began unbuckling his belt. Apparently that was what caused the wire in your brain to snap, your body surging forward to reconnect your lips and rake your nails down his chest.

“Please Matthew”, you whined, not even entirely sure what you wanted him to do. You just needed more.

Groaning at the desperation evident in your voice, he let his hand drift down your body, toying with the waistband of your panties. “Please what? What do you want from me, sweetheart?” His words made you whimper, grasping his hand to try and maneuver it underneath the damp fabric covering the place you needed him most.

“Uh uh uh. I want you to use your words princess. You can do that for me can’t you?”

Nodding your head fervently, you pushed aside any embarrassment you felt and answered almost immediately as the words left his mouth. “I want you to touch me! Please Matthew, I’m begging you!” As soon as you finished your desperate plea, his nimble fingers had ripped your panties down your legs and he was guiding you towards the couch conveniently located nearby. The two of you stumbled onto the cushions, Matthew hovering over you pinning you down, his large erection pressing into your thigh through his pants. You choked on a breath as one of his long, narrow fingers entered you swiftly, pumping in and out of you at a brutal pace, soon followed by two more. You were a whimpering mess as Matthew had his way with you, perfectly curling his fingers to hit your special spot over and over again. You needed him inside of you now or you were gonna explode.

“You’re so wet sweetheart. This all for me”, he questioned cockily, savoring the sounds pouring from your lips, cherishing the way your body writhed underneath his.

“Yes Matthew! It’s all for you. Only you”, your words were accompanied by a long, drawn out moan.

“Good girl”, he growled as his fingers picked up their pace, pushing you dangerously close to the edge. Matthew must have picked up on the fact based on the way your muscles were clenching around his digits and the way your breath was becoming more and more labored.

“That’s it, baby. Come for me, little girl. Come all over my fingers.” His graphic words made your eyes roll back in your head as you felt your orgasm crash through your body, Matthew continuing his ministrations throughout the entirety of it. As you came down from your high and opened your eyes, you were met with the beautiful vision of Matthew sucking your juices off of himself, staring intently at you with lust-filled eyes. “Mmmm, so fucking sweet baby”, he moaned as he licked the last bit away. Realizing you simply couldn’t wait any longer, you grabbed onto his forearm, pulling him to you as close as physically possible.

“Matthew I need you inside of me right now. Please. Please, I need you.” You felt like you were on the verge of crying, you were so damn desperate for him. You didn’t miss the way his eyes instantly darkened even more after hearing you beg him to fuck you so viscerally.

“Baby, I really want to feel you bouncing on my cock. Can you do that? Can you ride me like a good girl, sweetheart?”

Not even bothering to answer his questioning, you mustered up all of your strength to push him up and off of you, allowing yourself to straddle him on one of the cushions. You made quick work unzipping his pants and signalling for him to lift up his hips, allowing you to hastily pull down both his slacks and boxers in one go. God, you were so fucking horny and needy for the man in front of you, you felt like you were going insane. Actually, scratch that. You were already long gone. Finally having removed the last barrier between the two of you, his strong hands grabbed your hips and positioned you over his throbbing cock, slowly letting you lower yourself down. Both of you released matching groans at the overwhelming feeling.

“Fuck, princess. You feel so fucking amazing”, he moaned before gently grasping your hips, encouraging you to start moving. You couldn’t control the string of whimpers that escaped your mouth as you started circling your hips, gradually picking up your pace. It felt so fucking good, incomparible to anything you had ever felt before. As your speed increased and he began thrusting upwards to meet you, his hands reached behind you, finding the clasp of your bra, practically ripping the garment off of your body. Without any barrier blocking your breasts, he sat back and ogled you as they bounced in sync with your rapid movements, eventually needing more and grabbing the pillowy flesh with his wandering hands. The stimulation only made you move faster, desperate for the addicting friction that you could feel radiating throughout your whole being. You felt Matthew’s grip on your hips tighten exponentially, in order to get your undivided attention.

“I bet you thought you looked real cute flirting with him like that, didn’t you princess”, he sputtered, his voice strained and hoarse. The sound of it made your insides quiver even more.

“I-I wasn’t f-flirting. I w-was just being n-nice”, you stammered, feeling your climax slowly building more and more with each thrust. He growled and immediately picked up the pace, speaking his next words clearly for you to understand. “That’s bullshit baby and you know it. Do you really think he could fuck you like this, sweetheart? Do you think his cock could fill you up this perfectly? Make you feel the way I do?”

“N-Noooo! No, of course not. I only want you!” You were a moaning, whimpering mess as you gripped his shoulders trying to maintain your balance, his thrusts launching you into a whole other universe. “What was that, little girl? I couldn’t really hear you.”

“Fuck! Matthew! I only want you! There’s no one else!” You couldn’t control yourself any longer. You lost the ability to move as he wrapped his arms around your waist, slamming into you so fucking hard you swore you could see stars.

“There better fucking not be, little girl. You are mine, sweetheart. All fucking mine. Mine!” His words make the chord in your stomach snap, your climax overtaking your body dangerously fast. “MATTHEW!” Your vision was spotty, muscles clenched incredibly tight, when you felt his cock start to twitch violently inside of you.

“Fuck! Y/N! Oh my god!” As soon as the words left his mouth, you felt his cum fill you up completely, warmth radiating throughout your body as his dick pulsated inside of you.

You collapsed against his sweaty frame, holding on for dear life. “Matthew, Matthew, Matthew”, you muttered as you fought to regulate your breathing. Both of you were shaking, thanks to the world-shattering orgasams you had just experienced, his hands gently rubbing your back, soothing you. “Shhhhhh, breathe little girl”, he whispered so warmly it made butterflies bloom in your stomach, a stark contrast to the way he was speaking moments ago.

Pulling yourself upright, you couldn’t tear your eyes away from his. After a few seconds had passed, a huge grin slowly formed on his beautiful face, letting out a light giggle. “Hey.”

Feeling a smile form on your own face from his silliness, you couldn’t help but fall for him even more. “Hi”, you shyly responded, reaching up to poke the dimple that was visible on his face, giggling when he playfully stuck his tongue out, trying to reach your finger with it. Completely absorbed in the moment, you had forgotten that he was still inside of you and you were probably hurting him, not that he was gonna complain. You slowly lifted yourself off of him, both of you wincing slightly at the sensation. He immediately pulled you back to him afterwards and continued to rub your back like he had before. It was so comforting, you were scared you were gonna fall asleep in his lap, which you pretty quickly concluded wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, noticing the way his eyes seemed to droop as well.

As you felt yourself starting to drift off, you heard his soothing voice near your ear. “I’m really sorry I got so rough Y/N. I didn’t mean to act like that. I just got so jealous seeing you with him and I didn’t know how to control my emotions. I didn’t know how to tell you how I felt.” He sounded genuinely sad when he spoke, the guilt evident in his quiet voice.

“Matthew, baby, don’t be sorry, ok? I really enjoyed every second of it, I promise. As for Shemar...you have absolutely nothing to worry about. I’ve only ever had eyes for you. You’re kind of stuck with me Gube.” You felt the chuckle vibrate through his body at your words and you lazily smiled against his chest.

“I know, sweetheart. I know.” You heard him hesitate and you wondered if he was going to finish his thought, hopefully before you knocked out cold. “Would you-would you maybe want to go out with me this weekend? Like on a-a date? You felt your heart swell in your chest at his question and slowly nodded against him.

“I would love that, Matthew.”

Cherishing the feeling of holding each other in your arms, the two of you quickly succumbed to the drowsiness, falling into the most comfortable slumber you had ever experienced.

Tag List: @hopebaker @pastathighs @psychedellic-phase @gloryekaterina @sleepysnapesnake @racharr @etherealgubler @furiouspartyrebelhoagie @andiebeaword @liaabsurd @cielo1984 @starkeybaby @rainsong01 @moonlight-jukebox @victomizedbyreginageorge

#cm fic #criminal minds fic #mgg #mgg fic #mgg smut #spencer reid #spencer reid smut #matthewgraygubler #matthewgraygublersmut #criminal minds smut #smut #fluff #jealousy #angst

606 notes · View notes

ill-skillsgard · 4 years

Note

Faith and Faust have been on my MIND lately. Thinking about him starting to get more protective over her like him waking up to her curling into his side and he has his arm sling around her. Or at a party when one of the rivaling band dudes tries getting her to sleep with him. He ends shit quick.

Previous Faust x Faith imagines here (x)

Note: This drabble got looooong. Over 3K. I think it might qualify as a one-shot, but oh well. We’re super close to the smut I’ve been teasing y’all Faust fans with. Enjoy!

Warning: 18+ drug use/drinking/violence/death threats etc.

Faust watched joy unfurl on Faith’s face. What was once her standard smile brightened into a beam so incandescent he had to look away. She jumped on him, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms about his neck. If he took a step, surely she would have remained stuck on him like a cluster of chattering burrs.

“You really want me to come? Like, really? It’s not just a pity invite?” Faith asked.

“I’d never invite you if I didn’t actually want you there,” Faust told her.

“I know! I’m just so happy! I can’t wait!”

As fast as she exploded, a sudden and cold realization snuffed her enthusiasm. Faust saw her eyes, once wide and spirited, turn wistful.

“What is it?” He asked, feeling her disappointment as she slid off him.

“My parents will never let me go. Not for an entire weekend.”

Faust clicked his tongue. “You’re an adult, Faith. You can do whatever you want.”

She shook her head, teeth pulling her bottom lip inside her mouth. “Not if I want to live there. As much as I’d love to be on my own like you, a minimum wage job at a bookstore barely covers rent. And I don’t know anyone around here who’d be my roommate.”

Faith assumed her disclosure would throw the same gloomy shroud over Faust’s expression, but he smirked and snorted. “Just tell them you’re going camping with Jessica and her family.”

“My dad will demand to meet her parents. There’s no way they’ll let me skip church for a camping trip without meeting them. Trust me, I know my parents. There’s no way to pull it off.”

“What about a phone call? What if Jessica’s dad talked to your dad on the phone? Would that work?”

Faith drew breath in through her teeth. When she looked up at Faust and saw his air hadn’t tainted with the sourness of defeat as hers had, it gave her a glimmer of hope. She’d do most anything to go away for a few days with Faust and his band.

“I’m not sure. It’s risky. And if he doesn’t buy it, I’ll be screwed. He’ll never let me out of the house.”

“It’s stupid that your parents still control everything you do. Do they expect you to suck the teat your whole life? What about when you go off to university? Are they gonna monitor you every day?”

“No, but then I won’t be under their roof,” said Faith, her cheeks warming from his distaste.

“Just tell him you’re going to Jessica’s for the night, then call the next day and say you’re staying another night.”

She shook her head. “I can’t. They’re already questioning me about her. Asking when they get to meet her, what’s wrong with having sleepovers at our house... My dad is catching on, I can feel it.”

Faust grunted his aggravation. “I feel like I’m dating a ten-year-old. You have to get permission to do anything. It’s fucking stupid.”

His frustration stirred up a whirlwind of emotions in her chest. On one end, Faith loved to hear him admit they were a couple, but on the other, Faust’s scorn reminded her of the infantile rules she had to follow and her father’s distrust. She was an adult, and there was no reason she shouldn’t be allowed to go away with her new boyfriend for a few days. Dejected and without hope, Faith’s eyes watered.

“Don’t you think I know how stupid it is without having you reminding me all the time? I don’t want to be me, but I am. If I don’t listen to my parents, they won’t let me choose my school or anything. They’ll put me in a private school. You don’t understand what it’s like to have parents like mine.”

“Thank fuck, I don’t.”

“So, I guess I’m not coming with you.”

Faust sneered and motioned at her purse. “Give me your phone.”

“Why?”

“I’m calling your dad.”

Faith clutched the strap of her suede bag, the thought of a staged conversation between her secret boyfriend and her father causing a lapse in any rational thought process. Though she stood rigid, Faust urged for her phone. She held her breath after relenting, a faint whisper of sweat dappling her nape. He held the phone to his ear and, noticing Faith’s paleness, turned from her to not crack a laugh.

Faith longed to hear her father’s voice, whether he spoke in a monotone or smelled the bullshit reeking off Faust’s words. Before she leaned in, Faust laughed through another bite of conversation, thanked the man and hung up. He tossed the phone to Faith and winked.

“That’s how it’s fucking done, babe. You’re coming.”

“What? Really? You did it?”

Faust wished not for her praise, so he stooped quickly to kiss her, but she pulled away, astonishment hanging off her jaw.

“Wait, what did he say?” She asked.

“He said yes, obviously.”

“No, but, like, what did he say?”

“A whole bunch of shit. I don’t know, but you might want to start thinking up a new imaginary best friend because he’s keen on meeting Jessica and her bullshit parents soon,” Faust guffawed.

~*~

After Faith climbed into the back of the band van — a rust-bitten, grey clunker of a machine — Faust gave her a bare introduction to the rest of the passengers. The group wore clothes of all black, patched denim vests, leather boots or white high-top sneakers and sported varying lengths of shaggy headbanger hair. Faith felt vibrant as a rainbow with her floral summer dress on and a glinting gold chain suspending a cross pendant between her breasts. She hoped her fashion choices wouldn’t harrow Faust’s reputation as the broodiest member of the band, but when he held her hand in the back seat as they took off, all self-consciousness flew out the cracked windows.

They pulled up to a squat apartment building where two girls stood waiting. Similar black clothes, dyed hair, illegible band patches, ripped fishnet tights and metal jewellery reminded Faith of how different she must have looked. She was the outcast in this group of like-minded individuals. The girls piled into the van, throwing their backpacks into the mess of camping gear while one lit a joint and passed it to Ola, the guitar player, who’d taken up a third of the space in the van by lying length-wise across the floor. The second of the pair noticed Faith and scrutinized her with two heavily lined blue eyes.

“Who’s that?” The girl made a general inquiry, avoiding eye contact with the newest presence in their group.

Faith hesitated a breath and then answered. “My name’s Faith.”

The duo exchanged smirks and giggled. “Okay. Did you find this one at Sunday school, Faust?” The blue-eyed girl asked.

A frosty mask of distaste tainted the drummer’s neutral expression. “Fuck off, Anika. Not everyone’s cunt doubles as a sewer. Nasty bitch.”

The girl named Anika scoffed, smacking Ola to prompt some defence, but received a chorus of snickering instead.

“Fuck you, Faust,” sneered Anika, imploring Ola’s intervention with a glare. “Are you just gonna let him talk to me like that?

Ola shrugged his shoulders, pulled his hood up over his mop of long blond hair and lowered his sunglasses. “He’s got a point.”

Anika turned her attention back to her friend, conveying some wordless message, and scoffed again. “We’re already off to a great start. Faust’s dating Mother Teresa and Ola’s being a little bitch.”

Mordy, the bass-player and driver, glanced into the rearview mirror, cynical eyes pinning on Faith before a curve in the road demanded his attention. She recognized him from the party. He was a quiet man with long, brown curls tied into a ponytail that nearly dusted his tailbone. Mordy shook his head and turned up the stereo to drown out the voices with walls of assaulting guitar riffs.

To Mordy’s right, the singer of the band — if he could be referred to as a singer — slouched into his seat, cracked leather boots perched up on the dash. Faith forgot his name, but didn’t worry over figuring it out until later. The passengers bobbed their heads in time with the music as they carved through the countryside and came to a dirt road that stretched for miles. She worried Faust’s friends would never accept her, but when he took up her hand again and held it in his lap, she leaned her head on his shoulder and decided it didn’t matter. Faust liked her, maybe even loved her, and that was enough.

The spot they chose was no more a campsite than the forest was a trailer park. Faith thought they’d never stop hiking until they came upon a small clearing, far enough away from civilization it was unlikely anyone might chance upon their tents. The group set up their gear while Ola and Mordy argued over who got to start the bonfire.

By the time Faith unrolled her sleeping bag and changed into more comfortable clothes, the sun was minutes from disappearing. Mosquitoes caught their scent, ignoring the citronella torches doing nothing to keep them at bay. Faust insisted she douse herself in bug spray and did the same before rolling a felled log from the forest to use as a seat next to the crackling fire. Once the group gathered around the flame, out came the beers and weed. Several joints came around the circle, one of which Faith took a puff of before Faust plucked it from her fingers.

“You’re gonna give yourself the spins,” he warned.

Anika glared at the drummer. “Let her smoke if she wants to, Faust.”

Shocked by Anika’s change of heart, Faith gave her friendliest smile. Perhaps it was the alcohol smoothing over her prior judgments, or maybe she was always crass with newcomers, but soon, Anika and her friend Sam urged Faith over to their area, offering her sips of hard lemonade between pulls from a shared joint. Faust watched from the corner of his eye as he poked at the embers with a stick.

“Um, where do we go to pee?” Faith asked an hour after sundown.

Faust spread his arms wide, gesturing all around the site. “The forest is your toilet.”

She blushed and turned to her new girlfriends.

“Don’t worry, Faith. I brought toilet paper. I’ll get you some,” said Sam.

Equipped to trudge through the forest to find a suitable spot to relieve herself, Faith heard the boys howling from afar and giggled. She found a log large enough to provide her some cover even though the night was black as pitch and the tops of the trees filtered out most of the moonlight. She could still see the fire flickering in the distance and headed toward it after she finished her business.

Twigs snapped underfoot as she ducked under low-hanging branches, intent on cutting straight through despite many obstacles. But before she reached even ground, a black figure stepped out from behind a thick walnut tree. It was the singer whose name she still couldn’t recall.

“Lost?” He asked.

“Nope,” Faith giggled, feeling the effects of both the weed and alcohol mixing in her bloodstream. “The campsite is right over there.”

“Right over where? I think you’re lost,” he said, taking a step forward.

Faith’s breath hitched in her throat. She tried to peer past him to spot Faust, but he cut off her line of sight.

“Don’t worry about ol’ frosty Fausty. He’s busy talking to his ex-girlfriend. I’ll help you find your way out.”

She took a step back, and he matched it with a pace forward. Soon there was hardly a gap between their chests.

“I see the way you stare. You want me,” the singer claimed.

“Um, I think you’re mistaken. I’m with Faust.”

The man laughed, then took a drag of a cigarette Faith hadn’t noticed burning away between his fingers. He flicked the butt away and touched her shoulder. She snapped back, her heart plummeting from the unwanted contact.

“Can you not? I promise whatever you think you’ve read, it’s wrong. Faust is my boyfriend.”

“Man, for someone who dresses like a prissy smart-ass, you sure don’t know how things work. And you’re dumb to think Faust will settle any time soon. Trust me, I’ve known him since grade school. There’s no chick in this world good enough to hold him down. Least not for long. He’ll tire of you just like he did with Anika, and you’ll become another band-whore. Sticking around the guys to try your hand at being picked. I’ve seen it happen, and you don’t want that.”

Faith didn’t have much of a temper, but what underlying rage she harboured stoked beneath the scorching air of his words. It brought to light all the reasons she thought up to explain why Faust had yet to have sex with her. Perhaps what the singer claimed held truth. Maybe Faust was using her to gain shock points from his circle of friends.

“Me, on the other hand... I’d treat you right. You’re too pretty for him, anyway. What’s a girl like you even doing sniffing at his heels? You’re not exactly his type.”

“I guess that means I’m not your type either,” Faith bit back.

“You’re most definitely my type. And I think you know it.”

“I’d like to go back now,” she whispered.

“Come on. Just think about what you’re doing. Faust will rip your precious heart out. You’ve no idea how many of his rejects I’ve had to comfort after be humps them and dumps them. What makes you think you’re any better in his eyes?”

“Faust loves me.”

“Oh, yeah? Has he told you that?”

“No, but... He doesn’t have to. I know he does. Otherwise he wouldn’t have—“

“Invited you here?” The figure chuckled. “Yeah. Right. This is where we bring all the band-sluts. Best not to think yourself wife material. You’ll only be disappointed.”

“Why are you doing this? Aren’t you his friend?” Faith asked.

“Yeah, sure we’re friends. Best friends. Which is why you should take my advice before you end up hurt—“

Something knocked the words from his mouth in a flash. One second he was upright, and the next he was on the ground, groaning from impact. Faust stood in the darkness, arms hovering at his sides to prepare for what he’d do next. Faith hadn’t realized she let out a yelp until voices from back at the campsite started calling out their names. Faust stooped, grabbed hold of the singer’s ankles, and dragged him a few steps.

“Get the fuck off me! What are you doing? Get off!”

Faith looked on with utter panic as Faust hauled him through the brush toward the campsite. She followed. The others gathered at the edge of the treeline until they noticed Faust’s hulking form and took steps back to clear his path. The drummer raked his hand through the singer’s hair, lifted him by the belt and tossed the man toward the fire. Before he could scramble to his feet, Faust was at his throat, fingers tangled in his hair again to force his face close to the roaring fire. The rest of the group looked on in horror as the singer’s moustache and eyebrows singed. Inches away from the licking flames, he let out a howl that nobody but they reeled from.

“If I ever catch you talking to my woman that way again, I’ll find you. I’ll find you and nail you to a fucking crucifix, douse you in gas and set you on fire.”

“Faust!” Ola snapped from his shocked state and lunged for the drummer before he caused permanent damage.

It took both Ola and Mordy to wrestle Faust off the other member, and when they did, Faust spit on him as the girls huddled together. Anika curled a protective arm around Faith’s shoulder as Sam stepped in front of her. Both girls wailed for them to stop, but their cries went unanswered.

“You hear me, motherfucker? Go near her again and I’ll murder you with my bare hands. You know I will!” Faust screamed.

“Fuck! My face! You burned me, you sick fuck!”

“Next time, I’ll slaughter you!”

“Faust! Faust, stop! Stop with the death-threats, okay? Enough! We came out here to have a good time!”

Faust shrugged his friends off, but they kept proximity in case the drummer took a swing. When they were sure Faust made his point, they let him go to Faith, who rushed into his arms and buried her face under the flap of his leather jacket.

“Are you okay, Sven?” Mordy asked the singer as he stumbled to his feet.

In the firelight, the group stared at Sven, shorn of all his facial hair, brows and eyelashes included. The wind swept the stench of burnt hair away as he swiped his hands over his face, coming away with oily smears of his singed moustache on his fingers.

“Does it fucking look like I’m okay, Mordy? This fucking psychopath almost killed me! That’s it... We’re kicking him out of the band. I’ve had enough of his shit!”

Ola and Mordy exchanged strained looks, then turned back to Sven, both laboured with regretful grimaces.

“It’s not your band, Sven,” Ola mumbled.

“So what? Didn’t you just see what he did to me?”

“What happened back there?” Asked Anika.

“We were just talking!” Sven yelled. “I was just talking to her before this crazy fuck sucker punched me!”

“I heard what you said. And I should have known you’d try to pull a fucking move on her because that’s what you do. You try to fuck everyone’s girlfriend because you can’t find your own. It’s gonna earn you a tombstone, asshole!”

“Faust, come on. I think he’s learned his lesson,” Ola tried again to diffuse the tension.

“If anyone’s out of the band, it’s you. You won’t play in this town ever again.”

Faith tightened her arms around Faust’s waist, and the move worked to ground him. He realized then how scared she was, wheeled her about and guided her away.

They left the group, not stopping until they descended a slope and came to a small river. Faust took out his cigarettes, lit one, and exhaled more than just smoke. Faith watched, stiff and unable to give voice to her racing thoughts. All she could do was cling to him until he was ready to address the situation.

“Sorry,” said Faust.

“Sorry? What are you sorry for?”

“For scaring the shit out of you.”

“It wasn’t you who scared me.”

“I know, but still. Fuck, maybe I should have handled that a bit better.”

Faith noticed her hands shaking as Faust kicked rocks into the water, hauling on his cigarette until he burned filter. If she was honest with herself, Faust’s reaction had frightened her, but showed her all she needed to see.

“I... I love you,” came her wavering reply.

Faust looked up as though she’d let out a scream, eyes wide and lips pressed together. She shook her head, immediately regretting what she said until he went to her and pressed her to his chest again. He kissed the top of her head.

“I know you do. And I feel the same way, I think. But you have to let me do this at my own pace. All right? I don’t want to fuck this one up.”

A tear rolled down from her eye, but Faith smiled. Oh, how she smiled, clinging to him in the blackness, the trill of the stream drowning out the arguing back at the campsite. His heart thumped against her cheek. The beat erased all Faith’s fears of him growing bored with her. She would wait for him as long as he needed.

#faust x faith #faust stuff #valter skarsgard fanfiction

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cherryblossomshadow · 3 years

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Wonder Woman 1984 review

Long, rambly, and spoilery. You’ve been warned.

I saw WW84. I had thoughts. Let's talk about it.

I want to preface with the fact that it's amazing that we have another female-led superhero film! I loved Patti Jenkins' work with the first Wonder Woman (and this one too) and I'm so glad she's back for this one. There's obviously a lot to pick through, but first, a couple reminders.

No film will ever be "perfect."

Not every film is made specifically for you.

It is okay to vibe or disvibe with something. But that does not make it trash.

Also, please, keep in mind, what I'm expressing are my opinions. I'm entitled to mine as you are entitled to yours. I hope you have a lovely time on the internet, and I hope you wish the same for everyone you interact with.

Oh, and spoilers obviously.

Okay, with all that out of the way, let's dig in.

My overall experience with the film is positive! I had a great time watching it, it got me emotional, and I definitely want to watch it again. That said, I don't think it's better than the first one (although that would have been quite a feat), and that's ok. It's a continuation of a story we've already started, and it doesn't need to outshine the first.

Okay, after all the hyping up and disclaiming I've done, let's dig into what I didn't like about the film.

Number one is pacing. The storyline felt very erratic to me? Part of that, I feel, is because we have three (four?) main characters, and we jump between them pretty abruptly.

Number two is the themes. Now I do like the themes of WW84 (truth and sacrifice), I just don't think they were worked into the film as cohesively as I would have liked?

Number three is perceived character changes to Diana. And really, some of this is kinda circumstantial, I just thought it deserved its own bullet point. You'll see what I mean.

So, on Pacing.

We jump between Diana (and Steve), Barbara, and Maxwell pretty frequently. And before I talk about that, I have to talk about my view on the characters.

a. Now, I love the Mandalorian, but I was not personally invested in Maxwell's arc at all. Again, this is my take, and I know people disagree. Many people feel like Pedro Pascal carried the film on his shoulders. That's cool. He's a great actor. I'm glad he was in it. I just kinda checked out of every scene he was in (when he wasn't with his kid) because I wasn't invested in him. He played a sleazeball on purpose, and it worked. I was sleazed. So the movie kinda dragged for me whenever the camera panned to him.

b. I loved the focus on Barbara. I don't know Cheetah from the comics, so this is from a movie-only perspective. But I know one of the criticisms of the first film was that Diana didn't really talk to women after she left Themyscira (even though there was a perfectly good villainess sitting right there for her to converse with and have morality debates/fights with! Even Steve Trevor got to talk to Dr Poison!), so I thought it was great that 1) they set up a villainess for her to fight and 2) it was a villainess that she knew, she had talked to, she had formed a relationship with. It honestly surprised me that Barbara was helpful for so long (bc I had seen the trailer and got spoiled that she would become a villain), but I love that she genuinely did want to help Diana, up until she hit her hard limit (giving up her powers). Now, that being said, the Nerd Girl Makeover has been done a thousand times. I knew what her vague trajectory would be from the second she appeared on screen with frizzy hair. I did like that her motivation was not solely "pretty people are mean to me, and I want revenge and/or for this hot guy to like me," but specifically, "I want to be like this really cool girl" and then "I don’t want to be like anyone else; I want to be the best/number one" for myself." But I felt like the absolute inattention that she was shown at the beginning and the absolute worship Diana and later Barbara would get was ... highly exaggerated? And I know this was another criticism of the first film, that yeah "Diana did so well in the real world because SHE'S HOT and that's actually not empowering to women" or something. But like. Watching that part made me uncomfortable instead of seen. Pandered to, instead of impacted. Showing how looks change how society treats you is important, but not to this caricaturized degree.

c. (and d?) And lastly, Diana and Steve. Or more accurately, Diana and Steve's soul or memories or ??? that has been transplanted into some random man's body with absolutely no one's consent (I don't believe that Diana "consented" when making the wish, because she didn't know 1. That it would even work or 2. HOW it would work.). So ... Yeah. The first problem with this (chronologically, not by importance) is that it's really unclear what's going on? Some rando is reciting Steve's lines from the first film, then all of a sudden he turns into Chris Pine? (Fun fact: my aunt actually recognized the actor from Hallmark 😂 Could you imagine being the guy who gets replaced by Chris Pine for half the movie? Like "yeah, I played Steve Trevor, but they had Chris Pine do all the important parts" 😂😂😂). So, Diana and Steve finally figure out that he's inhabiting some engineer's body because of the wish she made. And then they bang. Or do they bang before they figure it out? Either way, yikes 😬. Not a good look.

To be clear, the yikes part is that Steve is inhabiting Engineer Dude's body without their consent (without his own either tho so that part's not really his fault), but then he chooses to do things sexually with that body that Engineer Dude didn't consent to (because he's like, literally not home. Whether he's been subsumed into Chris Pine or taken out or dormant or whatever). Oh, and then like, probably doing death-defying stunts with his body is also yikes. I'm not really sure what the rules around body possession are. Cuz you know.

Anyway, that is a huge issue that is literally not addressed. At all.

Again, I think they may have been trying to address some criticisms from the first film about Diana "getting rid of the dreaded V-card so quickly in Wonder Woman and then pining after Chris Pine (lol) for the rest of her long life" and how that sets back female sexuality and stuff. Which I get. They actually lampshaded it in WW84, how Chris Pine wants her to move on because "the world deserves her." Which I know what they were going for in the scene, but I feel like they didn't flesh out the journey from Hippolyta's "the world doesn't deserve you Diana" to Steve's "the world deserves you (to date them)" enough. But I digress.

I'm gonna talk a little bit more about the possession and that "the world deserves/doesn't deserve you" line in my Themes section, but honestly? From the previews, I assumed that Chris Pine was revived from the dead via time travel or something. Body possession was NOT in the the trailers. I think the Dreamstone could have created a body for him out of nothing. Or like "time-traveled" him into the future. So like. Why didn't they? Why introduce body possession at all? So they could make fun of the dude's clothes?

Okay, back to the pacing part of the pacing section. These three (four?) characters have completely different things going on in their lives (I actually forgot to talk about Maxwell, but he wants to "be the best," and he's gonna do it by giving people what they think they want (maybe) and then taking from them whatever he wants. Yeah idk). And all three do interact at the beginning (brownie points) even if the attempted seduction of Barbara by Maxwell makes me want to throw up. But the themes aren't worked in as cohesively as I would have liked, and the tone changes were jarring, as the film switched between them all.

Another facet of the movie is that the Dreamstone is kind of a mystery. And that was a deliberate Choice™, not a mistake. We're guessing at what the rock is doing and how and why and by who and all that stuff, and that's on purpose, but that makes for a confusing experience. Their approach is to throw something confusing at you and then explain it later. Which is great for worldbuilding. But not always for the Movie-Watching Experience™. So to recap, we're switching tracks and characters with their own separate stories while also setting up several confusing plot points that take a while to unravel. This all contributes to the Experience™, good or bad.

Honestly, I wonder how much Covid affected this movie? My dad felt like a lot of scenes probably got cut for various reasons, and it probably affected the flow of the movie. If so, it could have affected thematic coherence, too. Speaking of...

So, Themes.

The themes that I got out of this film were Truth and Sacrifice. Maybe I missed some; I'm not an experienced Media Critic™. But these are the ones I noticed.

And actually, these themes are really strong. Universally applicable, and used in all three character arcs. It's just tied in a bit ... erratically?

So working backward, knowing that the Dreamstone is giving you a lie, you need to renounce your wish and accept the Truth™. This is echoed in Diana's flashback, where she needed to accept that she didn't win.

Working backward again, Sacrifice was a big part of the story for all three characters because Diana was willing to sacrifice her power to keep Steve, but he wanted her to sacrifice him so she could save the world. Barbara was willing to sacrifice her "humanity" or "empathy" or whatever she lost for the power and influence she got by emulating Diana, and she was unwilling to sacrifice that to save the world. Maxwell was willing to sacrifice time with his son to "become the best," but he did sacrifice that to save his son's life.

And then, full circle, he confessed to his son that he wasn't the best, he's actually a filthy liar. Which, yes, kudos for the themes, be honest with your children, but you can still sanitize it a bit. That speech alone would have traumatized the kid.

Speaking of speeches, Antiope's speech confused me in a similar way? Like, she stops Diana from "winning" the tournament after cheating, and goes on this weird rambly rant which goes from "accept that you're not a winner" to "cheating is bad and so is lying." Which yes, cheating is bad, but it's weird that she wouldn't have been disqualified at this point for not shooting that last target? Like, did she need to be tackled? Idk, I felt like they came up with the line they wanted Antiope to say first, and then just made her say it. (And also, in other stories, Diana would have been praised for being "clever" and "never giving up without a fight." So like, I needed a bit more preparation for which take they were going for, because the anti-cheating spiel felt jarring to me.)

And again, I wonder if this is a response to a criticism of this first film. (Warning: WW17 rant gearing up)

When Diana has her big motivational flashback during her fight with Ares, she thinks about Steve, this dude she just met a week ago, saying he loved her. When she could have been thinking about literally any of the women who had raised her. I personally think it would have been cool to hear some of Antiope's words at that point. Since they set up Hippolyta and Antiope to have conflicting ideas over whether Diana should fulfill her humanity-saving destiny, it might have been cool to see her saying something about humans and how they need her or how she should help them or something. They could even have done the whole thing with not being able to hear Steve's last words, but with Antiope since she dies earlier in the film and doesn't finish speaking. I also think it would have been cool for them to expand Hippolyta's earlier line about "They don't deserve you, Diana," here to like "They need you, Diana," or something. And then Steve's line in WW84 could have been something like "They're with you, Diana," or "They could get to know you, Diana," and her character arc could have been about actually living among society and maybe getting to know these humans that she's saved so many times (which they kind of alluded to when she and Barbara had their little date at the beginning of the film). But I digress.

So, yeah, I found both of these speeches to be ... Not great? Like I can tell what they're going for and how they tie into the themes, but they're so heavy-handed and they don't actually fit in too well to the moment they happen in. Like as soon as the speech starts, you realize that they started going meta on you. The character isn't really speaking to the other character, they're speaking to us, and they're telling us how this scene ties into the greater themes of the film.

Oh and they have this great quote from Antiope "greatness is not what you think" and then Maxwell's son wishes for him to be "great." And they do nothing with it :(

As promised, I want to talk about the body possession a little bit more. So again, one of the recurring themes is Truth™. Which is a great choice for Wonder Woman, what with her Lasso of Truth.

But it's tied in a bit haphazardly. They force it into a conversation about cheating in a flashback at the beginning of the film. And then they talk about how you need to accept the Truth™ in order to defeat the Dreamstone. I already talked about the cheating, and how the "accept that you're not a winner" was kind of a weird path to take to get your point across to a ten year old girl.

But the Dreamstone. Oh, the Dreamstone. I said before that the movie is a mystery. It shows you things but doesn't explain them. Well, this is a bit of a problem. Because they never actually explain that the Dreamstone is giving you lies. To my eyes, the Dreamstone is changing reality. Steve is back, Barbara is powerful, and Maxwell is doing whatever he wants with the powers of the Dreamstone. THIS DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A LIE TO ME. THERE IS NO "TRUTH" TO ACCEPT, JUST YOUR NEW REALITY. And that made the film less thematically strong (to my eyes, anyway. Other people probably picked up on stuff I didn't). But I feel like this might have been an easy fix? Like you already have Chris Pine in someone else's body (oh! So that's why they chose body possession! Because he's a Lie™! ... Still don't like it) I still think he should have manifested his own body or something but whatever. Barbara's appearance hardly changed at first. If they had people reacting to her as if she was hot when she really looked the same as she always does, then I would have bought your "but the Dreamstone only gives you lies." Instead, Barbara gained the power to walk in heels and then hotness and then the literal power of a God™ (a la Diana) which makes me think the Dreamstone is changing reality. Not bringing lies.

Oh, also, they could have had Diana's Lasso of Truth stop working for her. I thought that's what they were going for at first, but it turns out that Diana is just losing her powers. They also started with "the Dreamstone will give you what you want most," but then Maxwell started using it to clear traffic? Which by the way, is NOT an illusion. That is reality-bending.

There were just so many ways to make it obvious that "the Dreamstone is giving you lies," but they didn't use them. Or at the very least, they didn't commit. I felt like they used a little bit of "be careful what you wish for" (mostly on randos that Maxwell is duping), a little bit of "what are you willing to sacrifice," and a little of "you can have what you want, but it won't be real." All of which are valid ways to take a Dreamstone kind of story, but if they wanted to rely so heavily on Truth™ as the main theme, then I feel like more of the wishes should have been showcasing that. Instead, it felt like a jumble of all the kinds of messages we're used to seeing with Wish-Granting Objects, with no emphasis on specifically the "it's all a lie" part.

Ugh, I'm actually mad now, because I'm trying to think of a story I've heard where this magical thing is granting wishes but they're Explicitly Not Real. Like all the money gets turned back to leaves or whatever (kinda like Cinderella's pumpkin lol). Oh, Aladdin does this, too, because yeah Genie is granting wishes and changing reality, but not permanently? Like, almost all of the stuff he uses magic to do dissolves as soon as we're looking away from it or gets fixed by the end of the movie? And the film is very very clear on the fact that Aladdin is not factually a Prince.

But this film doesn't do that. They make it seem like the Dreamstone can change reality, then berate the characters for not Accepting the Truth™ about themselves. Maybe if they had made a bigger deal out of Steve coming back in someone else's body, it would have been 1) less confusing, 2) less icky (provided they don't do the sex in Engineer Dude's body), and 3) more thematically coherent.

Lastly, Diana's perceived character changes.

This one is probably the most subjective. Diana, as a character, in the first film was very morally grounded and motivated. The Diana in this film felt ... different. Again. Subjective. And also circumstantial.

Diana is still morally grounded in this film. But she's also willing to sacrifice the world to keep Steve Trevor around. Which feels like a jarring change from her characterization in the first film. She was so idealistic and optimistic in that first film, I couldn't imagine her making that choice. It just felt like such a tone change for her character. How did we go from "Who will I be if I stay?" to "Why, for once, can't I just have this one thing, Steve? ... I can't give you up. I can't. So I won't."

Also, her motivation in this film seemed to center around her loss of Steve Trevor and wanting him, and less around "save the world." Which, to be fair, I'm all for women being selfish in film. Give me women of all motivations and desires. I don't want Diana to be Perfect™. I just want her to be consistent. And I didn't think this characterization was as consistent as I expected. Was her life so terrible without Steve (even though they only knew each other for a short time)? Not to say this couldn't be a valid take on Diana (reminder: I haven't read any comics, so maybe it's not in character at all 🤷‍♀️), but if that's what they were going for, they should have developed the journey from naive idealist to jaded romantic more in order to justify this character change.

Also, the body possession thing. She's really okay with her boyfriend possessing somebody else's body. I did like the "All I See Is You" line, since it's romantic, but up until that point, we as viewers aren't really sure why Chris Pine and Hallmark Dude are both playing this guy. Then we find out in a romantic line that Chris Pine is just Wonder Woman's view of him. He still looks like Engineer Dude because he is Engineer Dude. At first, I thought that they used a different guy for the first meeting because Diana didn't recognize him. That this was her perception of him until she realized who it was. (I thought this was supported by Chris Pine's more rugged look in this film. But actually they were probably matching him to the body he was inhabiting, since the character really didn't look like himself). Leverage does a similar thing in the Rashomon Job. All the characters saw each other at the same event, but they didn't know each other back then, so they had different actors play their parts until it's slowly revealed that actually the random people at the event were the characters we know and love. It's great. Anyway, that's not what they're going for here, and the ambiguous framing along with Diana and Steve's chemistry is supposed to make you forget that he is possessing someone else’s body! Against their will! (Again, Steve and Diana didn't consent to the initial possession either, but they absolutely consented to what they did together. Engineer Dude did not.)

Yikes 😬

I will say, she didn't kill innocents this time. One of my critiques of the first movie was that she was so willing to kill Germans. And I get it, Nazis are usually an "acceptable" target in American media. But as a character, she believed that they were innocents who had been manipulated by Ares. And yet, she was slaughtering them en masse. But, in this movie, they're really careful to make sure that she's nonlethal.

And yeah, that's it.

Asteria was of course awesome. That bonus credit scene was 👌

I'm glad they got Linda Hemming back for costuming after the disaster of Justice League. Unfortunately, being set in the 80's, the outfits are not quite so modest as the first movie. But the important thing was the lack of male gaze in those shots.

The movie definitely hit me in my emotions. I cried three times: first during the tournament, watching the Amazon's being awesome. Then during Diana and Steve's fight, and when Steve convinced Diana to let him go. 😭

As I said, I definitely plan on rewatching. It makes me sad to see how much negative press that the movie is getting when it's one of so few female-led blockbusters. A lot of people are comparing it to the original or to the comics or TV show, when those are just not valuable comparisons. Comic books and TV shows are completely different mediums. And a successful sequel CONTINUES a story, instead of rehashing it. And also, not all films are created specifically for YOU. A lot of the 80's references went over my head, but that's ok. They weren't for me. I don't begrudge their existence just because I don't vibe with them.

Again, no film is perfect! I think I talked through a lot of its weaknesses pretty thoroughly, but I still think it's a strong film, and I want it to succeed.

Anyhoo, I hope you had fun watching the movie (even though it's not perfect) and I hope you had fun reading my commentary.

(Fun fact: I actually ran out of space in my notes app and had to stretch it across two notes)

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mousehole5000 · 4 years

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tgcf lb the second. chapters 7-13

love that we’re getting fu yao and nan feng described as “two little pretty boys” amazing and completely as expected also everything theyve done is 10000% funnier now

The military officials heard their impromptu, slapstick live comedy and couldn’t help but smile. The dissatisfaction in their hearts had dissipated a lot, and they felt a bit more closer to the other three. This resulted in the sedan chair becoming much more stable. - tbh it is often true that if you make people laugh they are more likely to like you in my experience. to be fair what xie lian did was funny theyre a funny trio

okay time for some creatures and beings. base slaves do sound terrifying no thank you i do not like hordes. remind me a bit of husks from mass effect and those were the worst so. also xie lian wielder of silk ribbons i like it

im very :eyes: at fu yao and nan feng rn. i think theres more going on with them..... i have suspicions but we’ll see

well goodbye butterfly boy who crushes skulls and spiritual arrays and sick boots and taught me what a vambrace is. im guessing we shall meet again i have the strangest feeling that ive heard about you

In fact, all of the dead people in this room wore wedding garments while smiling even in death. - grim!!! spooky!!!

The moment he finished saying that, he pinched that corpse’s face twice. The youngster only felt that the skin beneath his hands felt smooth like tofu, making people’s hearts feel itchy. - eww!!!! also dont feel up the corpse buddy wtf. also everyone leave little ying alone

Drip, drop. Drip, drop. This created the frightening scene of a forest filled with corpses as blood rained down from above. even more grim!! - happy halloween kids

When he heard Fu Yao’s explanation, Xie Lian thought in his heart, ‘This name was truly unnecessary. If it was a ‘Devastation’, then it was a ‘Devastation’. If it wasn’t, then it wasn’t. Just like how there were only the phrases, ‘ascended’ and ‘haven’t ascended yet’. There were no such things as ‘near ascending’ or ‘approaching ascending’. On the contrary, adding on a ‘near’ word made people feel awkward. - nevermind the deaths, xie lian needs to make some points about semantics. it has nothing to do with the situation at hand and i love it

QI RONG IVE HEARD ABOUT YOU FROM MY MUTUALS!!! terrified

Who knew how many times he had already said that phrase tonight. Every time something happened, Xie Lian would have to say it at least thirty to forty times. However, there would always be people who turned a deaf ear to his warnings. He felt truly quite helpless. - not sure if this is be xie lian is dressed up as a bride or if its just his bad luck. or if its bc thats just how people are. either way i feel you buddy

“Excuse me for this.” Xie Lian grabbed a hand from each bride before placing them on each other’s necks. The two brides suddenly touched something and were very surprised. Since they couldn’t see anything, they began to fiercely destroy each other. - xie lian stop being funny fjlkajdfs;kasj also right after this he goes into his street performer spiel upon being applauded. amazing

the visual of this fight with the villagers inside the ruoye loop and all the brides is pretty sick. also xi lian on the spirit phone to ling wen while the villagers cheer is very funny

heteronormativity obfuscates another mystery... but also a possessive jealous bride walking on her knees... thats quite a figure!! and tbh it is interesting that everyone assumed that the ghost was a bridegroom who didnt want to see happy couples and not a bride who didnt want to see happy couples. congrats xie lian for thinking

bruh she ripped his skull out and it screamed

i mean the indiscriminate killing of innocent women is bad but other than that im on her side tbh fuck this general pei guy

ow wtf i just cried a little bit. xie lian’s reassurance to little ying... her response.... wtf ;_;

As for the matter between General Pei and Xuan Ji, unless one was directly involved, it was better not to comment on who was right or wrong. He could only pity those seventeen innocent brides, the military officials and drivers who had escorted them. It truly was an unexpected disaster. - valid. still sympathetic to her tho i just am

human face plague..... bruh. okay might have to alternate between reading this and watching hannibal not sure i wanna do those together

He really wanted to hang a sign on his back saying, ‘Ascension is not as good as collecting scraps’ and promote it in the mortal world. - this lb is officially just funny xie lian moments now

The meaning behind his words were basically, the female ghost Xuan Ji causing trouble could not be blamed on General Pei, because she originally did not have the ability to cause it. If they wanted to pin the blame on someone, then they should pin it on Green Ghost Qi Rong, for it was him who took in Xuan Ji and gave her the ability to harm people. - told you. i was right to blame the men

i have indeed seen the donghua trailer so my suspicions that butterfly boy was indeed hua cheng being confirmed are just like. yep. exactly as expected.

i read the second half of chapter 12 on my phone so i didnt get any quotes but hua cheng rise to infamy funny. xie lian listening to it all and just going “hehe silver butterflies pretty” is also funny

i forgot that xie lian was in debt but im glad he paid it off good for him be free

After a while, Ling Wen really couldn’t stand it anymore and privately told him, “Your Highness ah, the things you send in the spirit communication array are all very good, however, I’m afraid that even a Heavenly Official a few hundred years older than you wouldn’t send them.” - fakhlsdfjakl; ling wen really told xie lian he was facebook grandparent posting in the spirit communication array

Since he couldn’t fix this, then it was still better to just forget about it. Xie Lian gave up on this issue, and as a result, stopped being gloomy as well. - you know what i respect that attitude i really do. xie lian said well ill just get over it and he did. i need to do this with twitter

However, this kind of problem didn’t exist for Xie Lian. With the curse upon him, he was no different compared to mortals, and thus could eat everything. And because he was a seasoned veteran of a hundred battles, no matter what he ate, he wouldn’t die. Whether it was a steamed bun that had been lying around for a month, or pastries that already sprouted some green mold, he would definitely be fine after eating those things. Since he had a constitution like this that defied the heavens, he actually got by alright during the period he collected scraps. - im sorry i know i keep saying it but xie lian is so funny i love him fjasdlfsdjfadksl literally king of eating garbage i love him so much

okay more hua cheng lore next time. and this interloper in the cart... ok

#mouse mumbles #tgcf liveblog #honestly so far everythings just really funny #except the gruesome bit and the bit where i cried #but i really do like xie lian a lot

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semi-imaginary-place · 3 years

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rewatching decadence

ep1: so... indoctrinating kids that they life their life in service to an upper class. also like, the way deca dence takes care of giant gadoll is to punch it like no giant sword or laser canon or anything just the power of a giant mountain sized fist. this show actually has some good foreshadowing from seeing Natsume from the perspective of Kaburagi’s hud, to Natsume’s dad (Muno) finding the Solid Quake logo at the beginning of the episode and the logo again being shown in the last shot at the announcement signs off with have a profitable day which is a weird public safety announcement but makes sense as a company slogan. I’m still not sure what the “TIME 1:00 POINT SE,07,G” means. I didn’t write it down last time because I was unsure of myself, but my first thought when the cyborgs showed up was VR chatroom for the upper class.

ep2: yeahs that’s totally an advertisement that plays right after natsume realizes the human costs of war as the tankers pay respects to the fallen. I realized what it was with the cartoony designs, the bright colors and patterns, the funky shapes of all the structures aboard the space ship, it looks like a tv show for toddlers. inoffensive and deliberately cheerful to distract from the horrors of a corporation owning your person. the eng subtitles are confusing here it should be “real death(simulation) awaits” in that the company is advertising being able to experience death but not have any of its permanent consequences as a feature of the game. The cyborgs are corporate wage slaves being compensated for their labor in company credits and the only other things we seen them do outside of work is play the company’s mmo, or recreational drugs. “I should be proud of my function and to be scrapped” as property of the company. aaaa that’s terrible. aaa. what are cyborg cores??? and why are they valuable. Solid Quake has no control over the core, only the cyborg’s housing. Is it that they cannot produce more? Considering the others on the team got executed for sentenced to an eternal forced labor camp with appalling conditions, Minato really did pull some strings for Kaburagi. ooh so “time until scrapping” and “operational limit near are two different warnings. the first is a general reminder of lifespan and the second is because oxyone levels are low. now its “TIME 20:00 POINT SE,05,I”. all those new gadoll events probably wreck havoc on the tanker economy. its 400c now and i think it was 500 for 2 earlier. First time through I wasn’t paying attention and totally thought kaburagi was an assassin, but no he’s just clean up crew. ahh yes, come spend you wages at the company run stores. micro transactions... wait so where were people getting the number 13 from?

ep3: ah yes Solid Quake charges to use the media center, truly a micro transaction hell. Natsume’s character arc is about whether to push herself or not. Here Fei acts as part of a continuing dialectic saying that Tankers have no place outside of Deca-Dence, that sooner of later Natsume will die from it, and once again highlighting Natsume’s right arm. In the other level of this though, tankers shouldn’t go outside because that’s not their role in the solid quake mmo, and those who would disrupt the mmo are killed. I like how you can see Kaburagi switch from videogame logic (oh she’s low level so let’s just stick her in the tutorial zone) to real life (what skills and experiences would help in fighting). So several corporations took advantage of desperate people to sell them a service that would augment them with mechanical parts. I get that pipe in a little outfit is funny, but does no one really realize its a gadoll, i meant natsume recognizes it instantly. like the scene where Natsume talks about her right arm, the anime does a good job of showing how her feeling about it are complicated. She’s lived with that arm for years, but it also hinders her sometimes, and people will comment about it. there’s this specific type of humor that pops up in this show and given how its the same joke, my guess is that its the same person behind it. The “joke” being that Natsume is put in a position that references sexual assault. The first is with fennel where she makes up an excuse of having to go see kaburagi to get away from him. And then there’s this episode. There’s also a few stray lines here and there that alarm me in that they imply Natsume has dealt with the threat of assault before. Since they didn’t do anything meaningful with this, I’d rather it just not be there. Minato is in on the secret of Pipe’s existence and by the way the two talk, they’ve called each other before in the last 7 years. Its good to know that Kaburagi wasn’t JUST brooding for 7 years and that the two of them stayed in contact.

ep4: Natsume after having gained confidence in herself takes down several gadoll and earns her place in The Power. Its a fulfilling payoff after seeing her train for several episodes. Natsume is where she always wanted to be, fighting gadoll in the Power. gahh It really is a patch release trailer. Ohh so I assumed that the other structures on the cartoon earth were other corporations, but in this episode we see one of them (the white and red striped cone thing opposite the deca-dence dome) and the cyborgs there are talking about the game (MMO LARPing lol), so either Solid Quake owns multiple of those structures, or these cyborgs are customers not owned by Solid Quake and playing of their own volition. that would makes the cone cyborgs where solid quake is deriving its profit from since its not like it pays its workers. reading comments online, a lot of people missed that because a ranker was found to be cheating (mikey), the rankings were abolished. In the present time, gears/players are not ranked. Ah so Kaburagi was transferred to the maintenance department from the warrior department. Wow reassignment is so much better than the poop jail. I remember it being said, armor repair, doctor, and weapon shop could be employee(cyborg) run so I wonder if the medics and that one armor shop guy are tankers or not. So this anime already snuck in a sex joke with the when the poop gang swapped kaburagi’s avatar with a sex toy, so i wonder if the safetyprivatemode was made so that the mods wouldn’t have to listen to robot sex. I really wish this show could have had 24 episodes. The trend for the past 20 years has been shorter and shorter shows so I know it would have been likely impossible to get the clearance and funding for 24 eps but oooh in som alternate universe maybe... i brought up fleshing out minor characters and character relationships before but there also stuff like Natsume’s right hand almost clamping on ... Mindy? Which usually would be a narrative flag but is completely dropped because of the episode limit. And the confidence Natsume gained last episode come to work against Kaburagi trying to keep her from the suicide mission. Its only from this point on that Kaburagi starts to really change, as of this point he is still a loyal cog to a machine that does not care about him. Kaburagi and Natsume in the 2nd half of the episode continue the same dialectic that runs through the whole of the show, about giving up and learning to try again, about pushing your limit, about why someone bothers trying. On the collectivist versus individualist spectrum, Deca-Dence is on the individualist side with assertions of the importance for deciding for yourself what you will do with your life. Its an interesting counterpoint to The Twilight Mirage (Friends at the Table) which I am currently listening to in that The Twilight Mirage is a western production and strongly collectivist with one of the antagonist being sort of kind of an embodiment of independence/individualism while japanese works as a whole tend to be more about the whole over the individual than western ones. Kurenai talking about why she fights is very good and very important for 2 reasons, first it help flesh out not only her but offer a very needed other opinion on what its like to live as a Tanker, second it segues nicely into Natsume’s memories of her dad telling her about the outside world and him being the only one to believe she can do it (fight in The Power) as contrasted with flashbacks of all the other characters telling her she can’t. This culminates in Natsume gathering her resolve to fight not because of something grand like changing the world or the fate of humanity, but something very personal scale: changing herself and proving to herself that she can do it. The is also the climax of her character arc, the point of no return.

ep5: If last episode was natsume’s point of no return, then either this episode or episode 7 is Kaburagi’s. Rationally speaking, the optimal scenario would have been for Kaburagi to stall long enough for the Tankers to escape before pulling back himself, but emotionally and narratively, there’s no way he couldn’t. After all the build up of deciding for yourself how to live and pushing your limits. Its appropriate that here in defense of the girl that inspired him to live and choose for himself rather than just continue existing in the default of what Solid Quake demands of him, that Kaburagi chooses to release his operational limiter (literally pushing him limit) and derail the company’s plans. How did no one realize purple dude was breaking imprisonment to play on a hacked avatar. Like he’s still as purple and bloodthirsty as ever. He acts and speaks the same. Someone would have totally seen him and gone “eyyyyy [i forgot this guy’s name] is back” and talked to people about it and someone should have heard. So I remember reading comments from various idiots who were mad because they mistakenly thought the anime took place in a virtual space and that Natsume was made of lines of code. And first off even if that was true there’s a difference between objective reality and the lived experiences of a person and what’s to say her experiences and emotions would be any less real than yours. And second, did everyone forget The Hunger Games? Like its just another game that plays with real lives and doesn’t care who gets killed. Solid Quake is just using humans as a stage prop. Man this episode is jam packed. Its like getting punched in the face 4 times. The pacing of the last 4 minutes was really good. The quiet scene as dawn breaks acts in direct contrast to the high energy of the Stargate takedown that preceded it. After time and against not listening to him, Minato still calls Kabu to check in with him. There’s also his certainly that it was Kaburagi that saved the Deca-Dence mech (i need to be clearer when I’m talking about the physical fortress city mech, the mmorpg game, or the deca-dence system itself). And then when the world state gets reset is just so good because it make it clear that the gadoll were never the true enemy. The tankers could kill as many gadoll as they want and nothing would change. Kaburagi’s at an interesting point here, in that he’s no longer in a state of having given up like he was in episode 1 just waiting to die and following along with Solid Quake’s orders, as of this episode he has deliberately gone against the company’s rules, and yet he’s still believes that nothing will actually change. He’s broken a rule and resigned himself to punishment instead of say for example getting rid of the punishment all together. He’s still a good little employee that hasn’t rebelled against the system. And then the “Take care of Pipe” and Natsume turns around and he’s already gone, is sooo good. The final shot too of his avatar face down in the snow! The “This world needs bugs” is in direct contrast to Hugin/Fugin(?) repeating that this world must be rid of bugs, and the same phrase Kaburagi repeated 7 years ago when he was transferred to the Maintenance Department instead of being killed. I wonder how much the cyborgs feel in their original bodies vs. how much they feel in their Gear avatars. Kaburagi doesn’t seem to care about food and no food stalls were shown in the Gear area so maybe they doesn’t have much sense of taste? The avatars also have a lessened sense of pain. And then the limit release sequence shows connections increasing between the two bodies so does it make the cyborgs more attuned with the avatar’s senses?

ep6: eh so this is another example of what I mean when I say some of the humor in this show is in bad taste. They probably put the oxyone port where the ass would be just to make this joke. But this is better then doing to it Natsume. The animators even had a gleam censor for the over where the capsule was inserted as if it wasn’t obvious enough what it was suppose to look like. Spurned on by the the promise that one day if they work hard and behave (”rehabilitated”), the cyborgs will get let out when in actuality its a forced labor camp so that Solid Quake can squeeze just a little more labor our of the cyborgs for even less compensation. The cartoony style here helps offset just how horrific there working conditions are. And Kaburagi still the good little employee (iiko) tries his hardest to play by the rules and win. Except in this game, there is no “win’ written into the rules. So finally he is forced to move outside of the system Solid Quake has made. I still can’t believe they let Donatello keep the gun... Maybe cyborg cores are brains. In 5.5 Kaburagi’s core is in the top half of his metal case, and Donatello’s is also in his head. I’m still not sure what that sequence where Kaburagi takes the head fin and an image of a cyborg core is overlayed, means.

#deca-dence #deca dence #anime #i think too much #reviews #writing

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ohnohetaliasues · 4 years

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Stones to Abbigale {Ch.2}

(Kat)

I actively want to die.

This book is making me suffer.

It’s terrible and I hate it.

Okay, here’s chapter two.

Also, I’m going to start new paragraphs whenever someone speaks because I find reading it without that formatting insufferable.

The following morning Mr. Hanson approached me in the hall before class started.

Wait, who is this again? The history teacher?

I actually forgot he existed.

"We're supposed to talk," he said in his usual stern voice.

I responded, "I know, but what about?"

He began gesturing with his hands as he often did, I guess it was a habit he developed to trick people into believing he was saying something interesting.

Or he just talks with his hands.

Like me.

"You know you're a smart kid, but you keep showing up late to my classes and it's becoming a problem" he said.

Surprised he showed genuine interest; I replied with a smirk, "I'll do better in the future."

He continued "Alright, well, I also wanted to ask you about a TA opportunity."

I replied, "You don't have a teacher's assistant?"

I’ve never heard of a high school student becoming a TA, but maybe it’s just not a thing at my high school.

I watched a bead of sweat fall down his balding forehead as he responded.

"The last TA moved, and yeah, you're not always on time, but you get your work done honestly and efficiently."

I asked, "Ok Mr. Hanson, next semester?"

He authoritatively replied "No, you can just take an elective class credit and I'll let your current teacher know you'll be working with me from here on."

I crave death.

I immediately thought of the possibility of losing art class and rejected the idea.

"My only elective is art class right now and I don't want to give that up" I said.

He took a step back looking offended and lost his temper, in a disgruntled tone he said "Art? Art class is a joke James! Tell me one person you know who is making a living painting pictures!"

Um.

There are many famous painters alive today who are rich.

Jeff Koons, Gerhard Richter. The list goes on.

All the students nearby in the hall stopped and looked towards the shouting. I looked at Mr. Hanson unaffected, reminding him I would not give it up. I wasn't about to sacrifice the one class I had with Abbi for alone time with a sweaty, anger-prone history teacher.

What-

Why do adults in this book act like petty children?

Mr. Hanson looked at everyone stopped in the hall and screamed "Oh ha ha, everyone look at Mr. Hanson he's such a goof, move along kids!"

Everyone just looked at him as he turned back to me, maintaining his clearly frustrated posture. He then waddled into his classroom to begin class.

My eyes are glazing over.

I reluctantly entered with the remaining students to sit at my desk, which was conveniently placed within broomstick range from Mr. Hanson's desk.

‘Broomstick range’ is now a system of measurement, apparently.

After enduring another useless history lesson revolving around my home state of Washington it was finally time for art class.

What a surprise, that’s also Onion’s home state.

I walked as fast as I could without looking too awkward, in my normal fashion, only to find Abbi wasn't even in the room. I sat down in my new seat and waited, only to see everyone but her fill the room.

Die mad about it.

Mrs. Stanley closed the door to our class trailer and instructed us to begin dismembering the possessions we brought from home. I began cutting the bear with a scalpel Mrs. Stanley provided me

No.

Just no.

Scalpel?

Is your art teacher insane?

but my muscles seemed to work on their own as I found myself consumed with Abbi again, her overwhelming presence on the edge of every thought fragment in my mind. Just a short while into class I found myself looking down at my bear, now cut into 6 pieces. I felt like I was in a science lab dissecting an actual animal, the most noticeable difference being that the cotton stuffing didn't look like or stink of old flesh and death like real animals did.

I don’t know whether to cry, scream, or laugh about this.

Later that day during lunch, due to my mom not being able to afford buying me a cell phone, I used a payphone to call Abbi but got no answer. I didn't feel like eating so the rest of lunch I just sat on a bench outside staring at people interacting with each other. I made a major effort to distract myself knowing that focusing on what could be was mostly a waste considering I was so powerless to influence any change at that point. Even just watching the bushes move around in the wind made more sense to me than letting worry consume me.

More of this pretentious bullshit.

Later that night after I had just finished my shower I placed the one cordless phone we had in my house next to my bed on my windowsill. I would have dialed her but I didn't want to call more than once a day for fear of wearing out my welcome.

Good idea.

That night, a few different calls came in but they were always for my sister Lisa. Her receiving a barrage of phone calls from random guys was nothing new to anyone in the house.

The normal conversation you could expect to hear Lisa take part in, with excessive projection in her voice, would most always revolve around how stupid she thought other girls at school were and how she hates basically everything about Lakewood High.

I mean, who doesn’t hate high school? It kind of sucks.

I didn't want to know what she was talking about, ever,

Even if you just said what she was talking about.

but my TV volume couldn't compete with her voice. It was like she thought she was so important, everyone around her just had to hear everything she had to say no matter how trivial the topic. After a couple hours she finally stopped running her mouth so I turned off my TV and with it my room faded to darkness. I welcomed the silence like a warm blanket on a cold night.

I hate that simile.

I woke up the next morning to see the phone sitting there just like my stupid alarm clock, useless and unbearably annoying to look at. I expected it to sound off at some point but like the clock it failed to deliver.

If the alarm clock is broken, get a new one or throw that one away, or maybe fix it. There are many ways to fix your problem.

It was raining outside; clouds filled the sky in normal Lakewood fashion. I wasn't going to skate to school this time out of fear it would rust my skates and hinder my ability to skate fast if even at all.

If you briefly skate in the rain, it won’t do anything to your skates. That’s just how that works.

Instead I decided to ride the bus, pretending for only moments I really had a choice.

As I climbed up the bus steps, Davis rang out "Hallelujah, James is here to save everyone from the evil clouds!"

I genuinely smiled for the first time that morning thanks to him. As usual I sat next to the window seat that Davis courteously always offered me.

This book just has a way of making me want to die.

The beginning of history class was the same old story. As usual I barely paid attention. I just thought about Abbi and hoped she was ok.

Okay, the way this is written makes it seem like James only has history class and then art and that’s it and then school is over. That seems to be it.

And that bothers me.

Interrupting my thoughts of Abbi came a very rude outburst by Jason. It was odd to hear his voice, as I wasn't supposed to see him till art class. He stood outside our closed class door waving his hands in hopes of disrupting us.

Is he just standing there screaming outside the classroom door? That’s fucking stupid. There is no logical or comedic reason for him to do that.

It was clearly for no real reason more meaningful than a toddler would have in invok- ing chaos around their immediate environment. Some people just want to get an emotional reaction to their behavior so they can feel a sense of power or control.

So he cuts class to scream outside a classroom door?

Have fun in detention, dipshit.

Jason began banging on the door so Mr. Hanson walked over and opened the door and asked "Why aren't you in your class?"

Jason responded saying, "Got kicked out, what's up?"

Okay, so because of that bullshit, I believe Mr. Hanson should have the option to fucking destroy you.

"Go stand outside your class till it's over" Mr. Hanson commanded, Jason rebelliously replied, "Don't tell me what to do fatty."

Okay, so I’m mad about how Onion connected these two pieces of dialogue when he shouldn’t have, but I’m also mad at this fucking 3rd grade insult.

To a teacher.

I could see Mr. Hanson was about to lose it, so I interrupted. "No one wants you here Jason."

Rude but yes, James is right. Fuck right off.

Mr. Hanson looked back at me with a look of surprise. He seemed shock I would say anything on his behalf. Jason became extremely silent, now refusing to look anywhere but at me.

That’s... Alarming imagery.

His glare was intense but it seemed so forced, like he wasn't really offended but didn't want to look weak in front of everyone else.

I cannot imagine that in a way that invokes tension.

Mr. Hanson then closed the door inches away from Jason's nose but that didn't stop him from staring intensely through the vertical window slot in the door.

This literally sounds like a scene from The Office. It sounds like somethig Dwight Schrute would do.

He remained so still and consistent in his stare, it was almost as if he had become a red-faced almost cartoonish portrait hanging on the door.

Literally sounds like Dwight. I’m laughing my ass off.

As class came closer to an end Jason was no longer staring at me and wasn't even visible from my perspective. Knowing Jason had something left to prove, many of the students naturally assumed he was somewhere within the immediate vicinity. I could tell most everyone was concerned as they kept looking back at me, wondering what I was going to do about the clearly unstable and enraged jock that no doubt was still lurking just outside our door.

I can’t-

Is he a caricature? Of a fucking stereotypical jock?

Every kid in there knew I couldn't just hide out in the class. I was sure this was some kind of victory for Mr. Hanson. He knew I wouldn't have this immediate problem had I accepted his offer to TA for him.

It’s petty and stupid not to stop a potential fight between students because you’re mad at one of the students. Why is this asshole acting like a child?

Oh.

Right.

Because Onion regularly acts like a child.

My decisions led me to this; I built a doorway to certain destruction and I knew if I was going to be brave, I had to walk through it.

I don’t care.

Get the shit beat out of you.

You’re annoying.

I didn't have time to deal with hesitating once class was over, seeing Abbi was my real priority. I walked out with the class just like I normally did only this time Jason was following close behind, as I'm sure most everyone assumed he would. I was about to leave the main building to head over to the art trailer only to feel a hand grab my shoulder. The hand slipped as I pulled away, nails scraping along my skin to clamp on my shirt. I was then yanked swiftly back from the main hall door. It began.

I’ve written fight scenes before. This has no buildup like a fight scene should have.

I yanked my shirt aggressively out of his hand and clutched my now scratched up shoulder. I was now facing Jason who immediately lunged at me and threw me into the already half-broken hall door just behind me.

What door? Where is this fight taking place? in front of the school? Where is the main hall?

I’m very confused.

I bounced back from the impact and pushed Jason in the center of his chest to distance him from me so I could continue walking away. Without hesitation he used my response to justify further violence and began throwing punches. I was knocked to the ground within seconds and he began trying to pull off my backpack resulting in me being briefly dragged across the floor like a helpless child.

This... This is very very hard to picture as an actual series of events.

This is not how fight scenes work or how they should be written.

I was now a couple yards away from the door I was trying to leave through.

Oh, so this is inside. I pictured it outside because I wasn’t told that wasn’t where it was.

I twisted away to return to a standing position while simultaneously snatching my backpack back so hard that it flew out my hands and smacked the door behind me, leaving a huge crack in the glass. I could hear glass falling off the door behind me.

????

I cannot picture this happening it’s so strangely written.

People began to gather around us, and like a chemical reaction they began screaming just as they did before. Much of what was happening was a blur, but I remember they would scream every time Jason hit me throughout the irrefutably one-way fight. It quickly got to the point where I didn't even feel the punches, I could only hear them laughing and yelling as Jason swung again and again.

Has Onion only ever seen shitty high school movies? Because nobody acts like this.

I kept falling over and over but every time I would return to stand only to fail at defending myself from further blows. I didn't block a single hit; I didn't even throw one punch at him.

As my nose began to bleed one of the boys my sister was friends with, Matthew, grabbed me and pulled me out of the fight. He was twice my size but was also on Jason's football team so naturally he did nothing to help me win.

Bro he saved you from being punched repeatedly.

The only thing he offered me was an end to the beating I was suffering.

And that’s fine. Because Matthew is stopping the fight instead of continuing it. Which is the good thing to do.

Shortly after the fight ended I found myself sitting on a mattress in the nurses' office, not allowed to leave, not allowed to do anything but think about what happened.

I’d maybe take him to the hospital.

Despite everything in my head feeling scrambled and disorganized, there was Abbi, waiting in the same place, just as she sat in the back of class. She radiated warmly in the back of my mind.

Awesome.

As lunch approached Principal Leeman came into the room I was staying in at the nurses' office and asked me how I was feeling.

Why on earth did the principal come and check on him?

That’s bizarre.

I responded "Well, my tooth is chipped, my chin hurts, my face is bruised and I just got humiliated in front of my peers."

And you know your tooth is chipped without actually checking.

Fun.

Mr. Leeman said, "I've gotten multiple statements saying you pushed him. What's your response?"

James was literally attacked. It was not his fault. I will admit that, even if I hate him.

I replied "I pushed him back after he pushed me first. All I did was push him back once and then he did this to my face." I made a circular motion around my face showing how one-sided the fight way.

That bit of dialogue and the following description didn’t make any fucking sense.

Principal Leeman said in a commanding voice "Well he's suspended for 10 days," he paused and I felt relief assuming the Principal was on my side, but then he continued, "You will be suspended for 2 days."

The bitch didn’t fight back, but sure okay.

I was surprised they would suspend someone for just pushing back when they are pushed. What was I supposed to do? Just ignore being assaulted?

Valid point.

If school is meant to teach us how to survive in the real world, and in the real world you are legally allowed to defend yourself, how could they justify this punishment?

Never mind, shut the fuck up.

Principal Leeman informed me I could finish up the day and not return for the following two days.

I would assume James needs to go home or to the dentist due to his chipped tooth.

"You should be at least grateful for that, Jason was escorted off school grounds entirely," he said.

Principal Leeman stared at me sitting there, helpless and about to break down.

"Ok then, see you again in a few days" he said and quickly walked out.

All I could focus on feeling in that moment was the tacky ice pack on my face and a sinking feeling of worthlessness. It's not something I like to admit but the truth is I cried seconds after Principal Leeman left the room.

I mean, I would too.

The type of cry you suppress but your eyes still get become red, your body trembles & painfully hot tears still fall. It was the type of sadness that made a person ache to their core but you do your best to hold on, to not lose yourself to your emotions like you would so carelessly do as a child.

I have read descriptions of trying not to cry before, and this feels like a strange hollow replica of the things I read. I’ve written someone trying not to cry before.

While this does evoke some emotion, it’s very on the surface and not deep enough to make me feel anything heavy.

And it isn’t childish to cry, it’s human, so shut the fuck up, Onion.

I sat in the room alone till I could collect myself. Shortly after I gathered my stuff and proceeded to finishing my classes for the day.

There needs to be a comma after ‘shortly after’ or this reads like an incomplete sentence.

I also asked a couple of my teachers about any work I would miss so I could keep up while I was suspended but didn't have the motivation to stop by every single class before leaving the school entirely.

Have fun with the surprise homework you’ll have.

As I was about to get on the bus home I looked over to see Abbi again in the parking lot with her boyfriend Seth. They were standing by his car. This time they were not showing affection, in fact she seemed like she wasn't even willing to look at him despite him clearly and aggressively speaking to her.

Oh wonderful.

Abuse.

Don’t get me wrong, abuse is terrible and I hope from the bottom of my heart that if any of you are victims of abuse that you get the help you need, but this.

This seems cliché.

Without a second's thought I shifted away from the bus and began walking over to Abbi to see if she was ok. The more I could hear Seth's tone as I approached the more worried I became.

Okay, that’s a rational thing to do.

Seth reacted to me like a guard dog in a ghetto-fenced yard once he realized I was headed towards him.

That’s a little extreme.

He puffed out his shoulders and glared at me in attempts to look intimidating.

How does someone puff out their shoulders? Explain that to me.

Abbi remained upset, it seemed like she was emotionally unable to look any- where but the ground.

Do you mean physically? You can’t use your emotions to move your body. That’s just not a thing that exists. Sorry, Onion.

Now within a fair speaking range, I tried to sound optimistic for the sake of Abbi's emotional state, "Hey Abbi, were you at art class today?"

In.* In art class, I think you mean.

I asked.

Her boyfriend stepped in front of her to block my view and said, "Are you the kid that called her the other night?"

I responded, "Yeah, we're..."

"Just ignore him James" Abbi said mumbled loudly behind Seth.

Seth looked back as if an arrow had just been plunged into his chest.

So... He looked like he’d been shot?

Excuse me, the fuck?

Abbi then walked around him looking only at me and said, "Will you walk me..." but paused when she saw my face.

Abbi's facial expression changed quickly to shock as she asked in an alarmed tone "...what happened?"

Her boyfriend busted out laughing, "Oh, you didn't see this idiot get wrecked by Jason? He didn't even fight back. I would've had that jock prick choking in his own blood in seconds but you just took a beating like a..."

It’s like this guy looked at the viewer and said ‘I’m an asshole and you’re not supposed to like me.’

Abbi interrupted screaming, "Shut up Seth! You sadistic freak!"

Seth's grin turned into a scowl. He rapidly stepped towards her so I blocked his path by stepping in front of him. Seth looked more mortified than I had ever seen a person get. In such a short time knowing him I could see he had a number of mental and emotional issues, more so than I understood.

You just know this?

Again, why is James written like this? In a way that seems like he has psychic powers?

Seth didn't even try to get past me to Abbi; he let his voice reach her with his screams "You have no respect! After what I've done for you?"

Abbi replied, "I'm sick of this Seth, I want nothing to do with you."

Her voice cracked as Seth screamed once more. "If you're ending this again! I..."

He didn't know what to say, but in his eyes I could see a deep intense hatred. When I looked in most people's eyes I saw all kinds of things but in him there was only anger and pain. His hands were shaking furiously, his breathing noticeably irregular, he was losing it.

This is like a lizard person trying to describe how an angry person looks. It doesn’t make sense and it is mechanical.

Abbi still refused to look at Seth as he threw his tantrum. He yelled "Fine! Be with a guy who can't even protect himself! Idiot!"

Fine, be with someone who clearly isn’t abusive who you’ve talked to twice.

Seth got into his car as Abbi tightly grabbed my arm; her eyes remained closed like she was scared, hiding in a shell. She jumped at the sound of Seth slamming his car door.

Yikes.

Recklessly, Seth floored the gas pedal and his car lurched forward, barely missing Abbi and me as he pulled out of the parking lot.

I can’t even.

Abbi stood silently by with her eyes still closed. I didn't know how to act in a situation like this.

Trying not to make things worse I just said, "I will walk you home, to answer your question."

Abbi opened her eyes but remained silent. She nodded.

I am running out of gifs to express how annoyed I am.

We had been walking for a while, every step making us feel like we were slightly further from our problems.

She finally spoke, "So I was in Art Class and I saw your cut up bear."

I responded, "Yeah? Creepy right? Maybe it was a FUBAR idea." She laughed a little.

I forgot that he cut up the bear yesterday and not the same day this is taking place because Onion sucks ass at transitions and I actually forgot that there was a transition because it was forgettable.

"Yeah, I guess we're both kind of weird, I was all game for it." I softly laughed as I began to feel raindrops hitting my arms and neck.

"I hear running is just as bad as walking in the rain" I said.

"You get just as wet?" She replied.

"Yeah, something like that. It's like the harder you try to fix some problems, the worse they get."

I made a face similar to this gif in response to this nonsense.

I impulsively asked to confirm what I had earlier seen

"So your... Seth... is..."

She interrupted "Hopefully soon completely out of my life."

My curiosity overtook me, I asked, "What happened?"

She frowned and said, "Other than what happened in the parking lot?"

I responded "Well, I mean, I donno, don't say anything you don't want to."

Dunno.*

She stared at her feet as we continued to walk. I noticed her makeup was running. Shortly after she noticed too and began to rush us getting home.

Walking faster she said, "I'm sorry, I really don't want you to see me like this."

She continued to rush slightly ahead of me, I stopped walking and said "Hey!"

She slowed down and stopped still facing away from me.

We stood in the rain for only a few seconds before she asked, "Do you think makeup really helps anyone?"

I replied still looking at her back, "I think it helps us forget what we don't want to remember, it let's us pretend we're a little more perfect than we really are."

She laughed sadly and said, "That's one way to put it."

I smiled and replied "Makeup is just makeup, and skin is just skin. It is what it is."

I’d rather knock myself unconscious than read this waxing poetic pretentious bullshit.

You aren’t Walt Whitman, Onion boy. Shut up.

Abbi looked up at the rain for a moment and then down at the ground again. She then turned around with her rain-soaked face revealing what she was hiding under her makeup. Standing before her in the rain, looking at the results of what she had suffered, it broke my heart. Abbi wasn't worried about her makeup running for the reason I thought, she was just afraid of what I would think when I saw the bruises on her face, some just like mine.

You being beat up by someone isn’t as bad as the prolonged abuse Abbi has apparently been suffering.

So shut your fucking mouth you whiny bitch.

"Do you see them?" she asked with a quiver in her voice.

Without restraint I responded with the first thing that came to my mind, "I see beautiful girl, who I very much enjoy walking with in the rain."

Despite her face being covered in falling drops of water, I could clearly see tears fall from her eyes.

Okay. You’ve spoken to her twice now.

While this is slightly sweet, both of these characters have given me no reason to like them or grow attached to them, so I really don’t care about this interaction.

Her head fell forward as she began to shake, her tears falling almost in sync with the rain.

Okay.

Um.

Just... Okay.

I walked up to her and put my arm around her side and walked with her the rest of the way home.

As we got to her doorstep I said "I'm just seven letters away, call if you need anything ok?"

She smiled and nodded.

"See you tomorrow?" she asked.

I replied, "I got suspended for two days".

She looked offended "Woooow! Punishing the guy who got beat up, classy!"

She looks offended? Why? James didn’t offend her.

Also, it bothers me so fucking much that Onion puts the dialogue bits after the ‘she said’ part of the sentence. That is not how you write. At all.

Fuck you.

I responded, "Yeah... well, I pushed him back."

She replied "Clearly not hard enough."

I laughed sadly looking down as she unexpectedly wrapped her arms around me.

Despite it being so cold out and her being soaked, it was the warmest hug I had ever received. I hugged her back, said goodbye and walked home with a huge smile on my face, bruises and all.

Hallelujah. Fuck both of you.

Okay, so there are many things wrong with this.

The formatting is absolutely fucked and the characters are actually so deeply bland and flavorless that I cannot bring myself to like them at all.

Also, it romanticizes abuse.

Which is disgusting.

Okay, I’m gonna get on chapter three because I apparently love suffering.

Ugh.

~Kat

10 notes · View notes

elareine · 5 years

Text

Reasons to be jealous

Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, one swear word Relationships: Tim Drake/Jason Todd, Dick Grayson/Damian Wayne (side) Additional Tags: Pining, Misunderstandings, Jealousy, Undercover as a Couple, Future Fic, 5+1 Things, Brotherly Bonding, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff Batfam Bingo Square: 5+1 AO3: /18872404

One

“Well, that’s one arsonist behind bars.” Dick closed his laptop with a sigh of deep satisfaction. “Good job, Timmy.”

“Warm in here today,” he remarked absently, still focused on his own screen but knowing that Dick liked a bit of chatter once the tension of a case lessened.

“Oh, yeah, Jay and I were talking about it recently and it just reminded me of how much I like coming home to a warm room.”

Tim actually turned his attention to Dick. Dick and Jason… they talked, sure. The years had even smoothed most of the stiltedness out of it. He would go so far as to call them family.

But they weren’t friends. Tim couldn’t imagine them talking about room temperatures.

“You were?”

Dick laughed. “Weird topic of conversation, right? But you know how boring stake-outs go.”

Tim nodded in a heartfelt manner.

“It’s just a childhood thing. Circus trailers aren’t exactly known for great insulation. And Jay….”, Dick hesitated. Close to two decades later and still none of them liked to think about that child trying to survive on Gotham’s streets. “Well, he knows cold, too. I thought it would be nice to have it warm if he stops by, is all.”

That was the second time Dick had called Jason ‘Jay’. Tim had thought he was the only one of their family who called Jason that. The only one who regularly saw Jason, too. Apparently not.

He ignored the twinge in his gut and asked, “So you’re getting along better now?”

The smile on Dick’s face was small but genuine. “Yeah.”

“Hey, did you set something on fire? Usually I’m close to freezing in here. See, this is why I bring the food,” Jason joked as he dropped the containers with said food on the kitchen counter.

Tim’s neck felt hot as he moved to take out some plates. “I thought it might be… nice. To be warm.”

It wasn’t a good excuse, he knew that.

Jason’s gaze sharpened. “Nice.”

Tim shrugged as casually as possible.

He thought Jason might ask again - give that man a hint something was up and he would follow it to its bitter end - but the other man finally relaxed into a smile. “Well, it is. Nice.”

When they moved to the couch for their weekly session of greasy food and terrible TV, Jason took his jacket off. Again Tim felt that unease in his gut. He had assumed that Jason kept the jacket on as form of a safety blanket, to hide his guns or even just out of a sense of style. But no, he’d just been freezing because Tim never really noticed the temperature of a room he was in and tended to keep it on the chilly side.

Some detective he was. He’d been doing this - this thing with Jason for years now, being partners, brothers, friends even, but he hadn’t seen something so simple about him. But Dick had.

A knee nudged against his. When he looked up Jason’s eyes were concerned.

“You alright, babybird?”

The nickname, as always, made Tim want to smile, but he just said: “Tired, sorry.”

Two

It was one thing to know that Dick and Jason were getting along better now; another entirely to watch it.

Patrol with just the four of them was always tense. It didn’t happen often. Babs had made plenty of comments about all-men groups being ‘way too testosterone guided’ and Tim absolutely conceded her point. But she was busy and Steph and Cass were away, as was Bruce. The announcement of an upcoming Arkham breakout hadn’t left them with much choice but for the four of them to work together.

Still, Tim had expected it to be tense because Dick and Jason were sniping at each other and Damian at everyone, not because Jason and Dick were goofing around and it was weird.

Dick was laughing and slinging an arm around Jason’s shoulder innocently. Tim knew that move intimately - any moment now Dick’s hand would move under Jason’s right arm and flip him over bodily. He’d done it to Tim and Damian about a thousand times.

Dick’s hand moved and pulled.

Nothing happened.

Jason was grinning under his helmet, Tim was sure. “Bit heavier than you remembered, Nightwing?”

Dick pouted.

Before he could reply, however, he was interrupted by a sharp voice. “Are you done being a distraction?”

Damian was being even more pissy than usual. He’d donned his Batman cowl in Bruce’s absence, but it couldn’t hide the perpetual scowl on his face this night. Tim didn’t need to guess what had caused it. The brat (which was what Damian always would be to him, a head taller than him or not) had always been possessive over Dick, and didn’t Tim know it.

Still, for once, Tim actually agreed with him. They were very distracting.

Luckily, the first inmate chose that moment to break through security forces, and soon they were all too busy for any more flirting.

“Why are you here and not in the shower?” Dick waved a hand in the direction Jason had disappeared to.

“I need to write a mission report,” Tim protested.

“We can do that, right, little D?” Dick smiled at Damian, who grumbled but acquiesced. “Go ahead and have an early night, dude. You look beat.”

“Uh. Thanks.”

Tim made his way to the unofficial changing room they sometimes used after missions, where Jason was just coming out of the shower, a towel around his hips.

He smiled when he saw Tim. “You’re done?”

“Looks like it.”

“Wanna go for some pancakes?”

“Sure.”

With a quiet sigh of relief, Tim peeled out of the tight suit, grimacing mentally at the sweat that made his skin stick to the material. Jason moved next to him to get dressed.

Tim didn’t realise how quiet he’d been until Jason’s hand reached out to poke his newly uncovered cheek. “Something on your mind, babybird?”

“It’s weird,” he admitted, “seeing Dick and you get along.”

Jason laughed. “I bet. Don’t worry, it probably won’t last.”

“What brought the truce on, anyway?”

“Nothing special. Guess we just decided to, to quote a certain Tim Drake, ‘grow up and talk’. Though alcohol was involved. Obviously.”

Tim’s eyes narrowed. Jason wasn’t looking at him and his tone of voice was relaxed, light, even.

He was lying.

Three

“If he’s coming to Wayne functions now, we might as well make Jason officially a part of the family again.”

“Bruce doesn’t know how to ask and he thinks Jason will say no.”

“He might not.” But Tim was aware that Dick’s attention wasn’t really on their quiet conversation.

Dick was loosening his tie. Tim, curse his brain, couldn’t help but notice the way his throat was flushed, how he swallowed like his mouth was dry.

See, this was the kind of situation where Tim mentally cursed every bit of detective training he’d ever had. He’d really rather not know that his brother was becoming aroused in the middle of a very public ballroom, thank you very much.

Tim followed Dick’s gaze to where Jason and Damian were talking to a group of socialites, the two of them towering over everyone else. Without any conscious input from his brain, his own eyes strayed to where the suit jacket stretched just so over Jason’s broad shoulders, to where the coat flared, perfectly accentuating his waist, down to his thighs just barely contained by the slim suit pants…

Dick’s voice recalled him to the present. “Well, you would know better than anyone else.”

Apparently not, Tim thought. Apparently I don’t know anything about him. If he didn’t even tell me about you…

It was hard to speak around the bitterness in throat. “I know that if he keeps throwing Damian to the wolves like that, he won’t live long enough to answer Bruce.”

Dick laughed. “Aww, you know Damian only means his death threats 30% of the time these days. Still, I’ll go rescue him. Coming?”

Tim waved him off, knowing all three of the official Wayne brothers together would draw a crowd. Worse, it would draw Cass. As much as he loved his sister, he didn’t want her to see the ugly feeling clawing through him.

For a minute, he just watched Dick move through the crowd, a kind word here, a flirtatious smile there, always working his audience. The golden boy. Tim had thought he was over that old jealousy - over fighting for the cowl, for Bruce’s love, for a place in their family, always compared to the first Robin - but now it looked like Jason would be just one more thing he’d lose to Dick and he couldn’t stand it.

There was a familiar presence sidling up to him. For such a big man, Jason could be quite stealthy.

Tim took a deep breath, composing himself. He couldn’t afford to act weird around Jason. Again.

“Hey,” he smiled at him, “Alfred got you into a suit?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to wearing something this expensive.” Jason rolled his shoulders back, stretching the shirt even further. Tim had to look away. “You make it look so natural.”

“I’m always terrified of spilling something.” Tim suppressed a shudder, remembering his mother’s less than understanding attitude when he’d ruined one of his outfits as a child. Alfred, of course, would never do more than cluck disapprovingly, but…

“Well, then you’d better put that glass away and dance with me.” There was a roguish grin on Jason’s face as he offered Tim a hand.

Tim, however, didn’t even really have time to consider that offer before Jason just went and took his hand anyway, his other setting down Tim’s glass on a nearby surface before pulling the younger man to the dance floor.

“Jason,” Tim protested, laughter threatening to break through as Jason pulled him into his arms and began leading him into a quickstep.

“C’mon, the longer we dance, the longer we don’t need to talk to anyone else.” Jason grinned down at him. “Mrs. Quickshaw was already making her way over.”

Now Tim did giggle. “In that case, feel free to whisk me away anytime.”

He thought he saw Dick watching them from the corner of his eyes, but Jason chose that moment to twirl him around and he forgot all about it, breathless with laughter.

Four

“Grayson and Todd.”

Tim looked up from his screen at the cave to the masked crusader sitting next to him. “What about them?” Last time he’d checked, the two were out and about on their usual routes. Jason had even texted him about a particularly funny incident involving two sex workers and a fourteen-year-old wannabe client four minutes ago. Surely even he hadn’t managed to get into trouble in the meantime?

What was he thinking, this was Gotham.

Damian made an impatient gesture. His expression implied that Tim should know exactly what he was talking about, but he deigned to say: “They are closer.”

Oh.

“Yes.” Tim did his best to sound disinterested. There was no way he would bare this wound to Damian.

Damian was frowning up a storm now. “I’ve seen Grayson experience romantic and sexual attraction to someone he believes is out of his reach before. He’s exhibiting all the signs now.”

Tim considered that. In a way, Damian certainly knew Dick better than Tim. (That still smarted a bit, by the way.) The brat had certainly become better about people’s emotions through the years. If Damian said that Dick was in love with Jason, Tim believed him.

For a second, he considered the possibility that it was one-sided with something like joy. Then he squashed it ruthlessly.

It was Dick. How could Jason resist him? Why would he want to? Everyone loved Dick. It didn’t matter that Tim had invested years of his life into supporting Jason through the most difficult times of their lives, into building a relationship that was founded on trust instead of violence. He had never kidded himself that it made Jason obligated or even likely to love him.

It didn’t matter, because who wouldn’t want Dick?

Dick might be pining now, but soon, he would get what he wanted. He always did, in these things.

Tim just hoped for Jason’s sake that Dick wouldn’t get tired of him once he had him.

Shoving the thought away, he said tiredly, “Maybe it is for now.”

There was a loud crack as Damian set down his cup with enough force to split porcelain. “You’re not helpful, Drake,” he spat, jumping up and exiting the cave in his usual dramatic fashion.

Tim watched him leave and wondered why this felt like giving up.

Five

“Oh, I see you have booked our honeymoon suite. May I offer my felicitations?”

Jason smiled and pulled his partner closer into him. “Thank you.”

“Our suite offers everything you need to make it the experience of a lifetime. The rooms include a kitchenette, a secluded balcony with a sea view as well as a whirlpool. I’ll have an attendant bring you a bottle of champagne,” the clerk smiled, “on the house.”

Dick beamed. “Oh, thank you, that’s very kind of you!” He turned to kiss Jason on the cheek. “See, babe, I told you this hotel is the best.”

“You’re very welcome, Mr. Grayson. Now, our restaurant serves dinner between six and ten, though I’m happy to give you recommendations if you choose to dine elsewhere. Room service is available by calling…”

“Will she never stop talking,” a voice in Tim’s feed cut her off.

Tim frowned. “You’re supposed to be working, Robin.”

He could practically hear Damian’s eyeroll. “Not much to do as a valet, you imbecile. I’m assigned to take their luggage up,” that was going according to plan, then, Tim thought, how nice to know, thank you, Damian, “but they are too busy flirting to actually do something.”

“That is what they’re supposed to be doing,” Tim reminded him.

“Tch.” Damian’s feed cut off.

Jason and Dick were finally wrapping things up at the reception desk. Tim watched through the security cameras as they turned towards the elevators, their eyes seemingly never leaving each other.

These days, Jason was the logical choice as a partner on these missions if they wanted to keep it in the family. Mostly because people didn’t know he was family, so they could use their actual names to get into luxury hotels and the like. O was busy and Bruce on another planet, so it made sense that Tim was running the backup side of things. Sure, Dick had been a bit quick to volunteer to be Jason’s partner on this one, leaving Damian to infiltrate the labor side of things, but Damian was still a bit stiff in undercover situations like this one. The entire set-up was entirely logical.

Still, as Jason’s hand dropped down to squeeze a generous handful of Dick’s ass, Tim started to see Damian’s point.

The honeymooners made their way up to their room. Separating as soon as the door closed behind Damian, they silently began to case the room.

Tim let them work for it for a minute, then spoke into the mic. “There are no outgoing signals apart from my camera from your room.”

Jason looked up into said camera and smiled. “Thanks. How are things on your end?”

“Uneventful.”

Dick asked, “Where’s Damian?”

“Making his way through the rooms. He’ll hand your note over to the mark in about five minutes.”

“Better get undressed then,” Dick said, winking at Jason. “Gotta give her a show, right?”

“You actually want her and Damian to walk in on us?” Jason sighed dramatically. “Tim, you’ll rescue me if Damian tries to kill me, right?”

“I don’t know,” Tim replied drily around the bile in his throat, “if you make me watch you two have sex, I might help him hide the bodies.”

“Ouch.” Jason pressed a hand to his heart. “I’m wounded.”

Dick rolled his eyes and pulled his shirt over his eyes. “Just get undressed.”

“Since you’re asking so nicely, darling.”

“Just for you, honey.”

Tim decided to turn his attention to Damian’s feed, instead.

And one

To say the aftermath of the mission was tense was to make an understatement. They had drawn out the mob contact they’d needed and locked away an entire branch of a drug-smuggling cartel, but Jason and Dick had barely made it back to the cave before Damian had appeared to whisk a confused Dick away, throwing acidic looks at Jason all the way.

Jason, weirdly, didn’t seem to take that to heart at all. Instead, he was grinning at Tim. “Got the brat all upset, huh?”

Tim didn’t know what to say. That Damian had good reason to be upset? That both of them couldn’t stand this new relationship that had been on display so obviously during this mission? ‘He’ll come around’, knowing fully well it would be a lie?

Abruptly, Tim stood up from his chair. Then he didn’t know what to do next. His instincts were screaming at him to get of here, to get away from Jason until he had himself under control again, but he couldn’t just storm past him, could he? Then Jason would definitely know something was wrong.

And this was what he had wanted all these years, right? For Jason to be a part of their family again. To be happy.

(For Jason to happy with Tim.

But he should’ve known better. Who could compete with Dick Grayson, after all?)

“I’m happy for you and Dick.” Tim could say it, but he couldn’t make himself look at Jason as he did.

“Tim.” Jason’s voice was soft.

Tim’s eyes stayed stubbornly on the ground even as he heard Jason move closer to him.

Then there was a large hand cupping his left jawbone, gently tilting his head up.

“Oh, babybird, I’m-“ there was just the slightest brush of Jason’s lips against his own. Then Jason’s mouth moved up, pressing gentle kisses to his cheekbones, the arch of his brow, his forehead.

Tim had to close his eyes against the sudden burn in them, and Jason kissed his eyelid, too.

“I’m sorry,” Jason told him earnestly. “I didn’t realise the acting would affect you. I didn’t think you-“

“Well, I do. Love you, I mean.” Tim stopped himself. “Wait, that is what we’re talking about, right?”

“I was hoping.” Jason kissed him again. This time, it lasted a lot longer, just their lips gently moving against each other, Jason’s hands on his neck, Tim’s hands on Jason’s shoulders.

When he finally moved just fractions of a centimetre away, Jason said, “I do, too.”

Tim wanted to believe, to just let himself give in to Jason, drown in his affection, but he had to open his eyes, had to ask. “But… you and Dick…”

To his surprise, Jason chuckled. “When would that even happen? I’m pretty sure I spend every waking hour of the day either with you or texting you or talking to you on the coms, Tim. I was probably texting you during the stake-out when Dick and I were talking about the ideal room temperature that you were so weird about.” He paused. “We were talking about the ideal room temperature, babybird. How does that scream romantic relationship to you?”

Tim was full-on blushing now, he was sure. “You’re very comfortable with each other. And you did do way more touching than necessary on the mission.”

“Okay, number one - we’ve been in this business long enough to know to never go undercover as a couple with someone you actually have feelings for. They will be exposed and it will be a mess and someone will probably be watching. Number two - I just enjoyed annoying the shit out of Damian.”

Tim actually pulled back a bit to look at Jason. “Wait, that was intentional?”

“On my side at least.”

Some of the interactions Tim had had with Damian fit that, he just hadn’t thought it was reciprocated - oh. Dick’s flush at the ball. Oh. “So Dick is-“

“I knew Dick was fucked the moment Damian turned out to be that tall.”

Tim groaned in exasperation. “How did I miss that?”

“To be fair, I didn’t really know before I mentioned to Dick that I’m, you know, with you and he proceeded to have a slow meltdown about Damian in front of me. There was alcohol and crying involved. Wasn’t pretty, believe me.”

“That’s what broke the ice?”

“Yeah. Pretty difficult to get annoyed at someone after you’ve seen them sobbing with guilt about being attracted to the demon brat.”

With an exhale, all the tension Tim had been carrying for weeks now left his body and he slumped forward into Jason’s embrace, hiding his face in his neck.

“Can we please stop talking about our brothers now?” Jason asked plaintively even as his hands started rubbing soothing circles on Tim’s back. “Because I’m kind of stuck on the part where you said you loved me and let me kiss you, here.”

The smile that rose on Tim’s face was slow to unfold but so very, very happy. “You’re right. You should kiss me again.”

Jason did.

Tim had no occasion to think about Dick Grayson again that evening.

#jaytim #damidick #elareine writes #fanfic #tim drake #jason todd #dick grayson #damian wayne #dc #batfam bingo 2019

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galactic-motherducker · 5 years

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TROS Final Trailer

*This is purely opinionated- and my personal thoughts and feelings on the current release of the final trailer, Previous films in the sequel trilogy, and on characters*

After the events of TLJ, I didn’t know what to expect. I, personally, didn’t enjoy the film. For those of you who did, cool. I’ve tried seeing the positives of it for nearly a year now- and I can only find a few.

Now, JJ’s back- and he means buisness. I’m not a football fan by any means- but I watched the whole game so I wouldn’t miss a SECOND of the trailer. Then I found out it was during halftime and left for a half hour... let’s not talk about that!

Either way, I was near a heart attack when I saw the Lucasfilm logo. I recorded a minute of it without audio- which I may post later, because the full trailer isn’t out yet (only half of it is up on Instagram). But, my god- I was impressed.

TFA impressed me- and the trailers did as well. TLJ did not- and neither did the trailers. I’m telling you- I think this is going to be an amazing film. I admit, I was sobbing when I saw C-3P0 appear in his (probable) final moments. Who’s R2 without 3P0? They’ve been consistent- their bromance was amazing.

But I was not by any means prepared for Finn to do the initial voice over. If you don’t already know, Finn’s my favorite character in the sequel trilogy. I don’t exactly count TLJ- so TFA wise- it’s Finn and Connix (she’s pretty rad). The fact that we started the trilogy with Finn (Rey and Poe, too)- and are now finally back to telling his story makes my heart jump. I felt like he was ignored in the previous film (if you don’t count TLJ as being a film, I don’t blame you)- but, now, we get many snippets of him in this trailer. One of which is him on the falcon with Rey- and Finn screaming her name while on the ruins of the Death Star. If that’s not love- I don’t know what is.

We did see Rose- not for long- but she was there. I forgot if Hux was there, however- it went by incredibly fast. Kylo made an appearance- and he’s looking rough, Kyle Ron (hehehehe) Stans. Not golden boy (which you only refer to him as...?). Poe even had a voiceover! The cool bro he is! I’m exited for his roll- and even his relationship with Zorri. Didn’t see MUCH of Maz (if any) or Jannah- but I’m sure they’ll have important rolls. And, of course- Chewie and Lando... I’m nervous and exited to see what their future holds. Fingers crossed they make it!

We get to see Sidious’ throne (I’m assuming)- as well as his voiceover. The droids were all there, being cute and everything. Still crying about 3P0- he IS my icon after all.

Finally, we hear Luke’s (Mark) voice, followed by an “Always” from our beloved Carrie Fisher, Princess Leia. Happy Birthday, Carrie- We all love and miss you!

Overall, I’m genuine exited for this trailer.

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ekkorn · 5 years

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hi there, just saw in the tags that you didn‘t like endgame. would you like to expand on that? i am curious to know other people‘s perspective. personally, i liked it. it has flaws, yes, but to me it was enjoyable. if you don‘t feel like answering, that is fine :) have a great day!

oh wow. you really wanna know? okay, but on your own head be it. :o

i’m just joking, i’ll go easy, or at least give you the digest (a vicious lie) version. if you want to see the full extent of my derision and vitriol, you can go to @lowkeysebastianstan, which is the blog where i’ve tried to limit this too. but to give you the not at all short and not so sweet of it, here goes. (endgame spoilers obviously).

the first thing that really set me off was the ending, more precisely, what steve did. it made absolutely no sense whatsoever, and hit me closer to home than most of my followers here since bucky and steve are my fave characters, and the only ship i really have. now, i never thought stucky would become canon, not even a little, i didn’t even hope for it. sure, the representation would’ve been awesome, but there’s no way marvel could’ve done it justice, so it was just as well it was never gonna happen. what i hadn’t prepared for was to what extreme extent they were terrified of the ship and the effect it would have if they were to let it be even a hint that could be interpreted as some emotional connection between them, for 3 films they’re built bucky up as the most important character in steve’s life, he’s risked his own life to save him, he basically eradicated hydra during wwii fueled by grief for him, he was prepared to die for him in tws, he fought his friends and gave up everything for him in cacw, and then he just? leaves? to be with a woman who died of old age and natural causes after a long fulfilling life with another man and family of her own. who specifically told him to fucking move on in tws? yeah, sure. and do not get me wrong, i adore sam wilson, after bucky, and the real steve rogers, he is by far my fave in the cap verse (saving a few spots for my bp and cm peeps in the mcu, but we’ll get to them), and he is the superior choice to pick up the mantle, no doubt about it. (okay, a little doubt, they teased sebastian with that shield for 8 years, they based bucky on the brubaker storyline where he becomes cap, and so i do feel a little torn bc no matter how happy he must be for his friend, and him and mackie are good friends, he must be a little disappointed? but who knows, maybe they’ll do something with that in the series, which would be stupid af bc that would negate the positive leap in representation, and mackie deserves it too, so who the fuck knows, i’ll probably not be around to keep track anyways, and can you tell im rambling), but for steve’s last words to be to sam? while bucky stands and watch in the background? like??? i could go on in (more excruciating) detail, but that was why i linked the blog, there might be a point or two about this on there.

but that was just the start. all through the movie i felt disconnected and uneasy, they made some really weird choices, but i don’t think it was until nat took the plunge that i knew i had an absolute dud on my hands.

the mcu has done a lot of things right, but their treatment of women is NOT one of them. and oh boy did they go out with a bang. first is the obvious implication, he got to live bc he had “more to live for”, and she didn’t have a family, and ye gods we know she can’t have kids, so why should she live?

(see, if the bw movie wasn’t in the books, i’d completely get it, if it was to give scarjo her life back, and she wanted nat to be good and dead, sure. actually, when i first watched it, that’s what i thought tbh, that the bw movie was cancelled, so. but it’s not, so she will return. and since that the case it’s just fucked up that they yeeted her off the roster. and sure, some of the bw movie was always gonna be set in the past, but tbh? i don’t see much point in prequels for dead characters, you know that whatever happens won’t affect the outcome for the character at all, and i usually find them completely void of meaning. that might just be me though). and of course the fact that she died the same way gamora went didn’t help. (gamora’s death was maybe the single worst thing in aiw, she was fridged, not for the advancement of one man, but for two (thanos and quill) and it.just.shouldn’t.have.worked.thanos.cannot.love! again, mcu and women? not a good match.)

then of course, it comes back to steve and how much he doesn’t give a crap about the people close to him in the present, we never see him care or grieve for anyone but peggy, and he could barely spare two tears for nat before it was all business again. and the rest of the team? i think clint cared a little, and banner threw a chair, but that was it. no memorial, not burial, no nothing, it was like she never existed, and she died saving the world just as much as tony, he couldn’t have done jack shit without the soul stone.

and speaking of women, shuri and okoye? before the trailer dropped i was sure shuri was in this, that we’d get to see her lead in her brother’s stead. i actually did a short lament on this already, here.

carol was terribly underused, after all the oompf about her being there she was barely a blip. but the haircut was fantastic, and the best part of the movie was when she returned at the end.

then there’s nebula and gamora (again). at first i was actually quite pleased that they sort of found a loophole to bring gamora back, but then i thought about it (yes, sometimes i get seduced by the flashy colours too) and yeah. sure. a gamora is there, but she’s void of all the things that makes her interesting and all her development is just gone, everything “our” gamora achieved and experienced is gone, three films worth of arc is worthless. so what then is the point of getting “her” back? i don’t care about this person, i don’t know her. are we gonna see quill just harass her the next film, bc you know, she’s been with him, so why shouldn’t he expect her to just do that now? tbh i wouldn’t be surprised, but now that gunn is back maybe he can save it? not that i’ll be around to keep track though.

then nebula. nvm that time paradox, that’s a whole other fuckfest i’ll get back to, but we had to get to see her get killed too, didn’t we. by her sister, the only person in the world she loves. fucking fantastic, i cannot control my enthusiasm.

and no, cool as it was, the a-force surrounding parker is not enough to bring this home. it was a cool sight though. (see? i can see the good.)

then of course it’s peggy. a woman he knew for a few months back during the war. (sure they knew each other longer, but i’d say, even if you’re very generous, they can’t have spent more than a couple of months in each other’s company, and they kissed once). who they stripped of all character development and autonomy so that steve could go back and get his “damce”. everything she achieved, every good thing that happened to her, her husband, her family, her advancement in shield, all gone. bc steve must have his happy ending, no matter that she told him to move the fuck on in tws, who cares.

and then there’s sharon. yeah, they forgot about her, didn’t they. i mean, i was never really on board with that, the whole aunt/niece thing was a bit too weird for me, and this was way before i shipped stucky, but that doesn’t matter. bc they did that, they had them kiss within days after peggy’s death (oooh, look how he cared for peggy), making it clear that this was the beginning of something. (also marvel and several of the actors treated emily like crap, oh yeah, i remember, doesn’t help either.)

(gods i said this would be short, didn’t i? imagine if i could’ve spent all the words i’ve spent ranting about endgame on my latest chapter? good grief.)

then there’s their so called lgbt representation. 30 seconds of a character that had a total of 60 sconds of screentime in tws lamenting his dead lover? well. i. they wanted credit for that. i just.

then there’s thor. they negated every ounce of development he had in ragnarok, this also goes for aiw, wasn’t happy about that, and made him completely ooc, he just spends his time drinking ab\nd playing fortnite of all things? bold of them to assume that will still be a thing in 5 years, but also? thor? THOR? neglecting his people? his friends? the world? thor? then they of course made him fat, haha, so they could add fat-shaming to the list while they make light and fun of his drinking problems, his grief and his ptsd. awesome. the funniest.

then there’s clint. that they just randomly made a killer? just, like a straight up murderer? okay then. and still nat deserved to die. excellent.

then there’s banner. okay, i don’t think they fucked him up as bad as the others, but it’s still strange he would risk his intelligence to become hulk full time, but you do you.

rocket and rhodey were the best things about this damn disaster, just putting it out there.

then there’s tony. i mean, we knew he was the main protagonist, and im not objecting that, (even if i think it’s really strange he’d be born in 1970) but idk. that was strange’s plan? all that for that? and pepper just went, eh what the hell, just die, i can raise this kid you wanted. (i know, i know, she’s her mom, she cares), but it was just so flat. and idk. i mean, rdj wanted his life back, just as evans, but i’d want to see that switched, that tony get to retire and steve sacrifice himself to save the world. tony could still be the deciding factor in strange’s plan even if steve delivered the coup de grace. at least he cared enough to show an emotion™when peter came back, which was more than steve bothered with. jfc they fucked up steve.

then there’s the time travel. okay, a few things about the 2012 thing. they put him in the elevator, and then, instead of having him just kick the crap out of the agents, they reference hydra!cap? the biggest shitstorm in the comics in the last two decades? like what the actual fuck? then of course there’s the americas ass thing, which, again, that’s steve, cares about his ass but not his friends! (but at least 2012 steve cares about bucky, maybe he’ll save him a couple of years early, back to the future steve will just live out his life knowing bucky is getting tortured somewhere in siberia, good times.) oh! and i guess they have their loophole to get loki back too, great, they’ll probably just forget that he’s not in the main timeline, bc who cares.

and the fun just keeps coming with the time travel. oh they tried with some crap explanation that no one can make sense of, but here’s the kicker. they can’t either, they don’t even want to try, they don’t even agree with each other.

+ +

how did they know to meet up in wakanda or wherever, the dustees? did strange send a memo? not just the ppl in the soul realm or wherever they were, but all the others too, like valkyrie and hope. time and place just magically popped into their heads? and what happened when they all came back? or some came back, bc obviously a shit ton of ppl died at the dusting, like the pilot of a 747 gone? plane goes down and such, ppl really dead. and where do they reappear? where they disappeared? aka those passengers that got dusted comes back mid flight? fun! and what about the ones that moved on in their absence? what happens to the ones that come back when their wives and husbands are remarried, when there’s no place for them in their old lives. did all of peter’s classmates get dusted, or did the rest of the class graduate without him, i must assume that all of those in s:ffh did, otherwise some would be in college by now, yeah?

and that’s another reason their watertight time travel is leaky af, there’s no way to get the logistics to work. the only option as such would have been to go back to 2018 and fix it, to reset time, bc otherwise there are just too many holes, it’s just not possible. but they can’t do that bc then they’ll undo all the things that happen in the future that the characters don’t want to lose, like tony’s kid.

oh, i know, it’s a superhero movie, but im strange like that, i expect a modicum of internal logic in all my movies, the bitch that i am.

okay, im gonna leave it there, ive run out of steam, and i want to gif a set. there’s a few things more, but i think you’ve gotten the gist, that i’m not a fan of this movie and a short (lol, so sorry, nothing is ever digest with me, i should’ve warned you) list of reasons why. honestly this is the first time i’ve really don’t a more general account, ive pretty much stuck to steve and that crapshute, there’s a lot of other blogs that concentrate on the other characters, i’d list a few, but i don’t have it in me rn, pop me a msg if you’re interested, also if you’re interested in some real meta, this rambling rant isn’t something that people should be exposed to honestly.

avengers: endgame was a shit movie and no amount of “he’s worthy” and “avengers assemble” is going to fix that, BUT if you enjoyed it, i don’t think less of you, obviously everyone is different, and i envy the hell out of you, i sorely wish i could’ve liked it too. the russos directed what is by far the best movie in the mcu imo, tws, and they had us all fooled, even if we probably should’ve seen it coming after iron man 4: civil war.

hope you’re having a spectacular day, sorry you had to read this if you did, and and thank you for making mine better, i really had a rant in me needing out. (you’d think i’d run out of hate for this by now, but nah.)

thank you for the ask :)

#whyisitsohardtogetoutofbed #ask #answered #anti endgame #i am sorry #i know it's awfully negative #but you asked #obviously you couldn't have been prepared for this though #so i am i bit sorry #lisa's crap #oh look a new tag #i refuse to keep tagging for spoilers #if you've still not seen it idk what to tell you #also the read more should be enough

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thorinkingoferebor · 5 years

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24 hours later: i'm still outraged as ever & i've found a couple of new things to be outraged about that i somehow just missed yesterday. which is understandable. hard to keep track of all the fuck ups!

what was the point of euron fighting jaime? also how did they even end up together? that was another case of characters just conveniently appearing at the right time at the right location (which is like euron’s mine character trait at this point: randomly showing up without any real reason just to fuck shit up in the most annoying way possible). Also: why didn't Jaime just go for this route the first time around?! he might have even made it in time. why is euron so obsessed with killing jaime? why is euron in general? what's his point? was he ever meant to be anything but a cheap plot device? everyone deserved better than this

the fact that the unsullied officers just left tyrion with jaime no questions asked is probably the dumbest moment of the entire episode. dany has often and loudly questions tyrion's loyalty but nothing suspicious about tyrion (THE HAND OF THE QUEEN) wanting to stand guard outside the tent and sending everyone else away. like what's he gonna do? free the person he clearly loves most in the world with a key that just magically appeared in his hand while davos somehow sneaks past the entire greyjoy fleet to leave a boat at the foot of the red keep? naaah (how did davos get back from there btw? did he tow another boat? was he not alone? why am i even trying to make sense of this we all know this plot was written on a piece of toilet paper)

and what's with dany never learning of jaime's escape?! someone must have checked on such a high profile prisoner in the morning? someone must have noticed and told dany who just hours ago threatened tyrion with death should he ever betray her. why did noone come up with the idea to use jaime as a hostage??? but guess everyone just forgot about him, just like the writers forgot about his arc :))))))))))))))))))

where did all the dothraki come from? why are there still so many unsullied left? it sure looked like 90% of them died in winterfell. then we see a significant number in episode five and in the trailer for episode 6 it looks like thousands??? do they just respawn? are we following video game logic now? (btw remember when soldiers had actual personalities? when was the last time an unsullied beside grey worm or a dothraki did anything to remind us they're more than npcs. what do they think about all of this? what did they think about the army of the dead? how are they coping? why was everyone suddenly ok with senseless violence against children even though dany has been saying for years she doesn't want that. yeah sure, she started the kings landing BBQ but she was in a completely different part of the city. there was no way for the foot soldier to know that she was indeed butchering civilians and not just wiping out the last remainders of the lannister forces that hadn't put down their weapons. i’m glad though that they all apparently learned to communicate with each other telepathically otherwise they would be as freaking lost as me rn

one thing the books and previous seasons have been really good at is small little world-building elements that pay off later. and they could have used that in season 8! there wasn't any need to introduce new stuff they could have just used what's already there. they did well on that account with lyanna, jorah and theon. Theon probably had the best arc this season tbh (not a tough competition but it's something) and died a stark and a greyjoy. His identity was the major theme of his journey and seeing it played out this way was satisfying! Lyanna and Jorah both embodied "Here We Stand" in their final moments (Jorah quite literally) and that was wonderful! Why couldn't we get something like this for the Lannisters? Why couldn't we get one final, brilliant scene with cersei trying to turn the tide (backup plan? never heard of it). Don't get me wrong, Lena's acting was fantastic but why couldn't we get a "Hear me roar" moment? Her arc was tide to house Lannister more than any other and yet we didn't get anything? Why didn't we get any rewarding rains of castamere parallels? if they're set on wiping house lannister off the map why not show the tragedy and irony of it. why not remind of us tywin's fantastic speech in season 2? they could have used any of those themes but they didn't???

i'm still not even ready to begin to vocalize my opinions regarding jaime. every time i think about it i can feel my life drain out of me. what a fucking waste you guys

what i can vocalize now however is how much i do hate cersei's end and how they treated lena. I cannot get over that. like i realize she is a villain and i realize she is not meant to be a sympathetic character and she never had a chance to get redemption or get out alive but the show treated her like dirt in the end and just like jaime she was eventually reduced to the incest plotline. she started this show out as someone completely at the mercy of the men in her life (her father, her husband) and while jaime was a big part of her arc her main objective was always throwing off that control and taking it herself. sure she overdid it massively and became power hungry but that power hunger is a direct result of the way she was brought up and everything she was forced into/everything she was denied. weirdly, her conflicts are very similar to brienne's. both women didn't want the roles their peers tried to force them into, both women wanted to escape and both women assumed to do so they would have to take on male traits. brienne did that by rejecting her womanhood completely for 7 seasons and aspiring to be a knight. cersei took a very different route. maybe because she had that option (brienne couldn't mould herself into a proper lady unlike her) or maybe because that was literally her only option (imagine tywin's reaction to cersei putting on armour...). in the years that follow cersei and brienne obviously take very different paths and they have very different personalities but just as brienne deserved her knighthood and the affections and acceptance of the man she loves, cersei would have deserved to be free of men trying to decide her fate for her. but she never was. first it was her father, then robert, then her father again, then the high sparrow and when she finally wiped them all out she had to let another man she despised into her bed to maintain power. brienne managed to escape the confines of male-dominated society forced on her, cersei never did. they could have either shown her finally free before her death, free of the men that tried to control her all her life, free of the power hunger, free of societies expectations or they could have had her face her ugly deeds. i doubt she would have ever regretted any of it but it would have been so much more satisfying to see her properly outsmarted, to see her face off either dany or sansa or jon (or even tyrion or jaime had his character arc not been ruined before that). she was a fantastic, complex villain until she basically just started to stare off into the distance. it would have been so satisfying to see her face reality before the end. Instead, we got rocks. but even that scene (as beautifully as it's acted) isn't satisfying. cersei, who has never been one to just weep helplessly, is first reduced to begging jaime for her life & to save their child (AGAIN WHAT WAS THE POINT! I WILL NEVER GET IT!) and then she keeps freaking out because she doesn't want to die at all and certainly not this way (very self-centred as always whereas jaime is much calmer and at peace with what's about to happen and ready to take care of her even though he’s worse off) . i don't know if this was intentional or just a happy accident but even in those final scenes it's very obvious that the love cersei has for jaime is not the same kind of love jaime has for her. i guess they both ended up wanting to die in each others arms seconds before it happened so there’s that. but it’s a cheap ending for the best actress in the show before they robbed her of all opportunities to shine

oh and lena's instagram combined with her body double’s yet unseen work on the show has now convinced me that we're incredibly likely to see cersei's and jaime's mutilated bodies/heads next week. can't wait to see their characters disrespected on a whole new level jfc i’m so tired

i can't even think about brienne these days. absolutely seething. at this point i would prefer it if the brienne/jaime romance had never happened in ep. 4. if they'd stuck to glances and meaningful gestures at least it would have made more sense. brienne would have been his "what if" when they erased jaime's character development and made him return to cersei (which i maintain could have made sense because no matter what jaime will always love his family no matter how much he also hates them IF ONLY THEY HAD PUT IN THE FUCKING WORK). but she's not a "what if" now is she. she is his "this happened and it was good and important" but we're just going to forget this. we're just going to forget that the last 8 seasons have been leading up to this point. we're gonna forget that for the entire first half of season 8 jaime didn't even flinch at the thought of cersei dying. four episodes of jaime glued to brienne's side and then we're just expected to believe he doesn't care after all. then we're just supposed to believe she is never mentioned again and no thought of her crosses his mind or anyone else's for that matter (looking at you tyrion). I genuinely don't get what the point of that romance was then. to keep jaime in winterfell for a bit longer so him getting captured would make more sense? i feel like there were like a million ways to get the same outcome without throwing brienne under the bus. brienne and her entire arc were used as a cheap plot device for jaime and it wasn't even worth it cause they then butchered jaime's arc. god i'm so angry.

remember the last time a tv show fucked up in the last episode? yeah, dexter! i'm calling it now: got will end exactly like dexter in terms of plot and level of satisfaction. jon will kill dany (a family member/romantic interest) and then go north to spend his day in the wilderness (lumberjacking away miserably)

the more i think about it there is not a single thing about this episode that actually makes sense. this goes beyond plotholes, this is just a plain hole

#text posts by thea #thea watches got #this is my last big rant i promise #just need to get this stuff off my chest as well #it's a coping mechanism #got spoilers

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hollywayblog · 5 years

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How “The Umbrella Academy” Surprised Me

In many ways, good and bad.

This is a spoiler-free review of season one of The Umbrella Academy

I remember when The Umbrella Academy comics came out. It was 2007 and I was a broke thirteen-year-old living in suburban Australia (a cultural wasteland!) so I never actually read them, but as a rabidly obsessed My Chemical Romance/Gerard Way fan, I managed to fold The Umbrella Academy into my identity anyway. I’m not sure exactly how that works, but hey. Adolescents are powerful creatures.

As a distinguished almost-twenty-five-year-old (I’d like to acknowledge that I took a small break here to have an existential crisis) my walls are free of band posters and my eyes are no longer encircled with that thick black eyeliner that always managed to look three days old and slept in, but I still got kind of a thrill when I learned that The Umbrella Academy was being adapted into a Netflix show. It was something I had always assumed I would end up reading, back in the depths of my emo phase (which is probably more accurately defined as a My Chemical Romance phase) but then just kind of forgot about. So, great, I’m simultaneously being reminded that this thing exists, and freed of the nostalgic obligation to go seek out the comic and read it. As much as I love reading, comics have just never been my thing.

Then the trailer came out. Honestly, it kind of killed my enthusiasm. It just looked kind of generic. Apocalypse. Superpowers. Bold characters. Lots of action. My takeaway was a big ol’ “Meh.” Frankly, without my pre-existing attachment to Gerard Way and the very idea of The Umbrella Academy, I highly doubt I would have given it a chance - not because it looked inherently bad, but just because I’m a hard sell on the kind of show it appeared to be.

But it’s Gerard Way, man. I had to watch at least one episode.

The Umbrella Academy centres around the famous-yet-mysterious Hargreeves family. The seven children - six of whom have special powers - were adopted by Reginald Hargreeves, a cold and severe patriarch who didn’t even deign to name them. He made them into “The Umbrella Adademy,” a crime-fighting squad of tiny children who would later dissolve after a tragic incident. Now they’re grown up, and Dad’s dead. His spare and tense memorial is what brings the adult Umbrella Academy back together, and this is where the show kicks off.

We’re treated to a rather clumsy beginning; a gripping opening scene followed by an unimaginative montage. We get a glimpse of each of the Hargreeves’ regular lives, leading up to and including them learning of their father’s death. It’s a heavy-handed introductory roll-call, complete with on-screen name cards. It’s a baffling waste of time, considering we don’t learn anything in this montage that isn’t later reiterated through dialogue or behaviour. We don’t need to see Klaus leaving rehab to know he’s an addict. We don’t need to see Allison on the red carpet to know she’s a movie star. It dragged, even on a first watch not knowing that the whole thing would be ultimately pointless, and I’m surprised no one thought to cut it and let us go in cold with everyone arriving at the mansion for the memorial - an opening that would have both set the tone and let us get to know the characters much more naturally. Maybe it feels like I’m focusing too much on this, and that’s only because it gave me a bad first impression - and I want anyone who reacts the same way I did to stick with it. It really does get better.

The further we got from the montage the less gimmicky it felt, and I started to sense some sort of something that I liked about this show. Stylistically it was interesting, and there seemed to be an underlying depth; room for these characters to be more than brooding ex-vigilantes with daddy issues. I was intrigued enough by the end of episode one to keep watching, and was gratified as the series went on and truly delved into those depths. There was a memorable turning point for me around episode five, where Klaus (the wonderful Robert Sheehan) was given space in the runtime to visibly, viscerally feel the effects of something he had just been through. It sounds so obvious, and so simple, but it’s something that is frustratingly glossed over so often in fiction. You know. Fallout. Feelings.

It wasn’t just that moment, though. Prior episodes laid the groundwork, developing not just Klaus but all the Hargreeves. Each character feels real and grounded, each of them uniquely good, uniquely bad, uniquely damaged by their upbringing. It’s this last point I particularly appreciate, this subtle realism in the show’s execution of abused characters. We see how siblings growing up with the same parents does not necessarily mean they got the same childhood, endured the same abuse, or that their trauma will manifest in the same ways. And certainly, it’s important to see the different coping mechanisms each of them have developed. Furthermore, there is a lot more to each of these characters than just their trauma. There are seven distinct personalities going on, and I have to applaud the writers for this commitment to character. It was largely this that kept me hooked (I’m such a sucker for good characters), and to my own surprise very invested in the way things unfolded.

I love the tone, which found a cool rhythm after the pilot. The pacing was decent and the character development balanced well against the plot. I like the little quirks that remind you of the show’s comic book roots, like Pogo, the talking ape and Five, the grouchy old man in a teenager’s body.

Weirdly, I like the apocalypse stuff, which they managed to put their own spin on despite it being such a played-out trope at this point. I like that the show found small ways to go in unexpected directions, even if the overarching plot and big twists weren’t all that surprising. And most of all I love that in a world saturated with forgettable media, I woke up today still thinking about this show.

Even if not all of my thoughts were so generous.

See, for everything I love about this show, there are also quite a few things that rubbed me up the wrong way. I can’t list them all without going into spoilers, but I think it needs to be said that there are like, a fair few problematic elements in this show. I couldn’t help but notice that while women and people of colour are the minority in this cast, they also seem to cop the worst abuse. Only two of the Hargreeves siblings are female. One of them has no powers and the other’s power is influence (a non-physical power). Their “Mom” is literally a robot created for the sole purpose of caregiving; she dresses and acts like the epitome of a submissive 50s housewife. The Hargreeves sisters are also the ones most likely to be left out or ignored when it comes to making decisions, with one of them even literally losing her voice at one point (yikes!). Beyond that we have some truly disturbing imagery of violence being inflicted on women of colour almost exclusively by white men, and the fact that the only asian character is um… well, he’s literally dead. Before the show even starts.

Overall the problem is not just insufficient diversity, with white men taking up most of the screen time, dialogue and leadership actions, but the way that the few female and non-white characters are depicted.

These are all depictions that, in a vacuum, would be innocuous. I mean, just looking at the root of many of the show’s problems exemplifies that - the root being that all of these characters were white in the source material (uh, a problem in itself, obviously). It wasn’t a problem, for example, when Dead Ben was not the only Asian character but just another white Hargreeves sibling. And wouldn’t it be nice if we lived in a world where you could race or gender-swap any character and have everything mean - or not mean - the same thing. But life is more complicated than that. Art is more complicated than that.

Honestly, I’m not sure if we should give props to the developers of The Umbrella Academy for diversifying their cast when the fact is they did so - and I say this gently - ignorantly and lazily. Race-swapping willy-nilly and leaving it at that ignores a lot of complex issues surrounding the nuances of portraying minorities in fiction, and leaves room for these kinds of harmful and hurtful tropes to carelessly manifest. So many storytellers don’t want to hear it, but let me tell you writer to writer that it does matter if the person being choked is white or black, male or female, trans or cis. It does matter who’s doing the choking. Camera angles matter. Dialogue matters. It’s all a language that conveys a message - about power and dominance and vulnerability in the real world. Because art doesn’t exist inside a vacuum, as inconvenient as that might be. Having the empathy to recognise that will actually make us better storytellers.

In shedding light on these issues, I am not dragging this show. I am not condemning it. And although it is problematic in itself, I’m not even saying it’s problematic to enjoy it. I’m pulling apart the lasagne, looking at the layers, poking and prodding at the individual ingredients and saying, “Hey, the chef probably should have known better than to put pineapple in here. Maybe let’s not do that next time.” I’m also saying, “When I get a mouthful with pineapple in it, I don’t enjoy that. It’s jarring and unpleasant. But it doesn’t ruin the whole meal for me.”

I’m getting better at allowing myself to dislike something on the basis of its shitty themes. To not have to justify myself when something is problematic in a way that just makes it too uncomfortable for me to watch. That wasn’t the case here. I won’t lie; the bad stuff was no afterthought for me. That kind of thing really gets to me. It does ruin a lot for me. But in this case, the show redeemed itself in other ways; mostly by just being a compelling story with characters I liked. I’m trying not to justify that too hard either.

So I liked The Umbrella Academy, and I hope it gets a second season. I also hope that the creators will listen to people like me who want to be able to enjoy their show even more and create more consciously in the future.

And please let Vanya be a lesbian.

The Umbrella Academy is out now on Netflix

Watch this show if you like: witty characters, iconic characters, complex characters, mysteries, dark themes, superpowers, vigilantes, comics, dark humour, epic stories, shows about families, stylistic TV shows, ensemble casts, character dynamics, dramedies

Possible triggers (don’t read if you care about spoilers): suicide, child abuse, claustrophobia, addiction, violence, violence against women, violence against women of colour, death, torture, incest, self-harm, pregnancy/childbirth, kidnapping/abduction, blood, mental illness, medication/themes of medication necessity, blood, manipulation/gaslighting, homicide, forced captivity, guns, hospitalisation, medical procedures, needles, PTSD, prison rape reference (1).

Please feel free to message me if I failed to include a relevant trigger warning and I’ll include it.

#the umbrella academy #review #tropes #diversity #representation

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mysweetserpent · 6 years

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5 years away Pt. 2

Title: “I’ll always be there for you”

A/N: Enjoy the really long pt 2. I still have more ideas so let me know if you want pt 3! @sarasmismyonlydefence

Warning: death

Part One

It had been a few days since that disastrous night, you hoped that this whole trip was a dream and you would wake up in your loft back in New York. That wasn’t the case though. You had woken up in your childhood bedroom. In disappointment you made your way out in to the small kitchen the trailer held, finding your sister refilling her coffee cup. Knowing her it was probably already her 3rd cup the morning.

“Good morning. Any news on dad?” You asked as your grabbed your own coffee cup out of the familiar cabinet. She nodded as she sipped her coffee, “All this vitals came back up over night so the doctors think the antibiotics are working, but he is extremely exhausted. Mom went up to the hospital to spend a little time with him this morning and then she’s gonna come back here so that we can spend time together before I leave.”

You listened to what she was saying as you filled your coffee cup making it just how you like it. You were relieved to hear the new about your dad. “Maybe I can head to Pop’s when mom is on her way home and grab dinner like old times.”

The idea made you both smile, remembering the good old days. “I think mom would love that. Not to pry or anything but I saw you grab those dog tags out of your old jacket the other night. Perhaps you went to see a certain someone.” You quickly shook your head. Wanting to continue the conversation with her, you nodded over to the couch both going to it.

“Actually I was going to avoid a certain someone. I just went to the Wyrm to see Toni and Fangs because I was promised her wouldn’t be there, but things didn’t turn out that way.” You self-consciously moved your hand down to your left wrist which held your snake and his initials. You shivered at the remembrance of how cold his was to you.

“What did you accept of him Y/N? You left him. He has a right to be pissed off. Hell if you told him you were leaving he probably would’ve went with you. You hurt him so you’re gonna have to give him time and I’m sure you showing up on his territory in front of his people that he now leads wasn’t smart either.”

You knew everything you sister had said was true but still you weren’t use to Sweet Pea’s bad side. You didn’t like this cold place. “I know that but I can’t change it. 5 years is a lot of time. We are probably two different people with old feelings.”Your sister laughed at your response. “The two of you might have spent 5 years apart but neither one of you have changed. Matured yes but changed no. You are the same person who showed Sweet Pea had a soft side. He is the same person who showed that you had a bad side and that you did belong somewhere.”

You smiled hearing what she was saying but it was a sad smile. You knew that having such a connection with him wasn’t something that you two would explore again. Y/S/N didn’t stop there at letting you have it though, “But what you need to do is stop pretending that he was the one who hurt you. I know it’s different being on his cold side not thinking it was a place you would ever be, but you are. So suck it up and if you see him again apologize. Just don’t do it in front of seprents.”

While taking in the conversation with your sister, which was more like her lecturing you, she got up. “I have a few errands to run. I will be back later.” You nodded in response. “Oh and I almost forgot I ran in to FP last night and he got word you were in town and wants to see you.” You gave her a confused look but she only shrugged and walked out the door. What would FP want with you?

Trying to avoid finding out, you sat on the couch for another hour aimlessly flipping through channels on the television, but you couldn’t stop wondering what FP wanted with you. Giving in you grabbed a jacket and headed to his trailer. You walked up the few stairs hearing a voice or two inside. You knocked and heard footsteps come towards the door immediately. The door opened and a familiar figure stood in front of you.

“I see you still haven’t grown out of that hat.” Getting a laugh in response, Jughead turned around where you assumed FP was. “Dad, a special visitor is here.” Jughead moved out of the way, letting you in. You walked in, the door closing behind you.

Looking around you spotted FP sitting at the table. You smiled at him as he pointed to the seat across from him. Sitting down you looked at him. He hadn’t aged much and he looked sober which was a good look on him.“Sober looks good on you FP.” You said in hopes not to offend him though. “You sound like my boy Y/N.” You made eye contact with Jughead smiling. Getting FP sober was something he wanted for so long. It was great to see it had happened.

“Not that I wouldn’t love to catch up with you guys but my sister said you wanted to see me and I’m sure it wasn’t to talk about your sobriety.” You spat out a little top harshly. That caused the whole domineer of your visit to change. “How long are you here for?” FP’s voice was now strict and to the point. “Until my dad gets out of the hospital maybe a little after. Why? What does this have to do with you FP?”

“I need you out as soon as possible Y/N. We have some serpent business to take care of and with you here, you are going to do nothing but distract Sweet Pea. We can’t have that.”You were floored at the way he was speaking to you and demanding you to get out of Riverdale. “I’m not here for Sweet Pea so calm down. I’m not gonna take your precious King away. In case you have forgotten I am, well was, a serpent I know how things work around here. I’m not here for any other reason but my dad FP. We weren’t even suppose to run in to each other-“

“But you did.” Jughead interrupted. You were growing frustrated at this conversation. How could such good family friends treat you in such a hostile way?

“Only because he finished talking to FP earlier than planned. Didn’t he have some meeting here the other night? That was the only reason I went to the Whyte Wyrm because he wasn’t suppose to be there. I don’t want to run in to him any more than he wants to run in to me.” The expressions on FP’s and Jughead’s face told me that he didn’t have any meeting here a few nights ago. Your shoulders fell and you let out a loud sigh. Confirming your fears, Toni had lied to you.

“Listen guys, I’m trying to stay away from everyone okay? I just wanted to see some old friends and it back fired. I’m just trying to keep to myself now. So go about your business.” Your voice had now softened. This trip had already became emotionally draining for you and it was only day 2. You stood up ready to end this rondayvoo. “It was nice seeing you guys, but I gotta go pick up food from Pop’s.”

“Let me walk you. I’m actually meeting Betty there.” You chuckled at the habit that hadn’t broken between the two of them. As you guys walked out of FP’s trailer leaving him behind, Jughead turned to you. “I’m sorry about that but things have been tense between the Ghoulies lately and we need Sweet Pea in the right frame of mind to lead us.”

“I get it.” And you did, but what you would never tell Jughead was that it wasn’t any of their business what was going on between you and Sweet Pea. “I should warn you though. Pop’s has become a little bit of a hang out for there serpents now.” You threw your head back in annoyance. “I think I need to move my parents to the Northside.”

“Yeah because your serpent dad will really love that.” You both laughed. The conversation continued, as you approached Pop’s seeing a clan of motorcycles in the parking lot. The conversation was interrupted as your phone rang. You pulled it out of your pocket seeing your sister’s name appear on the screen.

“Hey. I’m getting ready to walk into Pop’s now. You still want your usual right? You’ll never guess who I’m walking with-“She cut you off by letting out a sob. “Y/N stop. I don’t care about food right now.” You stopped walking as you heard her sob. Jughead stopped once he realized you weren’t by his side and gave you a confused face.“Y/S/N what happened? Is dad okay? What’s going on?” You were now freaked out. Being too focused on the phone, you hadn’t seen Jughead look in to the window of Pop’s and make eye contact with Sweet Pea. He made a gesture to Sweet Pea to come outside followed with a sad face knowing this call wasn’t a good one.

“He is gone Y/N. Dad is gone.” At your sister’s words, you dropped your phone. You had completely zoned out. Hearing a muffled sound of Jughead calling your name, your vision turned blurry. How could he be gone? He was doing so well today. He was suppose to be okay. It was just ammonia. He couldn’t be gone. He would miss everything. He will miss your whole life. He won’t be there to walk you done the aisle or hold your future children. He won’t be there to watch you finally graduate from law school. Who would help you fix your motorcycle? Who would stand up for you to your mom because you were a serpent? Oh mom, who would she grow old with now?

All the thoughts overwhelmed you. Your knees began to shake. As they gave out someone caught you. “I’ve got you babygirl. I’ve got you.” That sweet voice played in your ear and you had completely lost it. Turning in to Sweet Pea’s chest, you began to sob. Unknowingly, Jughead, Toni and Fangs stood behind the two of you all with concerned faces. “Let us take her home.” Toni said to Sweet Pea. He just shook his head. “I’ve got her.” Everyone knew that the type of relationship you had with your dad was the one you cherished the most. Everyone knew that they would all have to come together to help you get through this.

He wasn’t going to let you go right now and for that you were thankful for. “Fangs, let me take your truck. I’m not putting her on my bike like this.” Fangs nodded and they switched keys. You had pulled yourself out of Sweet Pea’s chest and turned to Toni, just hugging her not caring that she lied to you at the moment. “Be nice to him.” You pulled away and gave her a small nod.

Hearing the door of a truck open and close, you figured that was your cue. Getting in to the truck, it was filled with nothing but silence minus you sobs still coming. Sweet Pea kept looking over to you not knowing how to comfort you. If it were 5 years ago, you would’ve been cuddled in to his side with his arm wrapped around you. And that was the best way he knew how to comfort you. So that’s what he did. He grabbed your arm and pulled you over in to his side.It felt natural to cuddle in to his side again. But he made sure to ruin the moment, “Please don’t think this changes anything.”

You didn’t respond right away. Debating whether it was the right time to have this talk. “For whatever it’s worth, I’m sorry Pea. I’m so sorry.” This time he didn’t respond, he didn’t know how to. He couldn’t forgive you but he felt like it was the right thing to do at the time. After not getting a response from him, you pulled away and moved back to your side of the truck. You couldn’t put yourself in to this conversation right now when you had a much bigger issue going on.

The whole situation sent you in to hysterics again. Thankfully, the truck had parked in front of your parent’s trailer, while mom’s trailer now. You quickly got out, muttering a small thank you. Noticing FP’s, Tall Boy’s and a couple of the older serpents trucks and bikes, you figured word had gotten out.

Calming your tears before you went inside, you gave Sweet Pea one last look before walking inside. When you walked in, everyone’s eyes turned to you. But you didn’t want anyone’s sympathy right now. You just wanted your dad back. You went straight to your room.You laid right down and began to cry again. How was this place going to feel like home without your dad? How could he leave you? You couldn’t seem to wrap your head around it. You jumped when you felt your bed sink down. “It’s just me.” You sighed. He didn’t need to be here. It wasn’t his responsibility anymore. You flipped over to your other side to tel him just that. “You can leave Pea. I’ll be fine.”

He moved his hand to your cheek trying to wipe away your tears, but they just kept on rolling. “We both know you won’t be. I’m not going anywhere.”

Part Three

#riverdale #riverdale imagine #riverdaleimagines #riverdale serpents #south side serpents #south side #sweetpea #sweet pea imagine #sweet pea #part 2 #jughead jones #fp jones #fangs fogarty #toni topaz #serpent #serpents #masterlist

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