#i genuinely cannot put into words how this series makes me feel

[monochrome-sunsets]

[604to647]

Safest with You (Ch. 21 - The Way to Get Over Someone, Part 2)

11.3K / Modern AU Retired Mob Enforcer!Din Djarin x fem!reader

Summary: Despite Din's attempts to be evasive, you learn the truth about your break-up, and make some decisions about what you are and are not willing to accept going forward.

Warnings: 18+ Content (MDNI please). Angst, pining, longing. Nicknames as usual (pretty bird, baby). Some smuttiness but won't spoil.

A/N: Well, we're here: the penultimate chapter (if you don't count the epilogue) - sorry for the word count! 😱 Thank you to everyone who's read up to here - I can't tell you how much it means to me! I know some of you have some strong feelings about Din's actions/dumbdumbness and that's okay!! If you feel like regardless of his intentions, he shouldn't be forgiven/can't be redeemed, I invite you to read up until the paragraph that ends with the blue heart dividers 💙💙💙. I hope that where it ends provides a satisfying conclusion for the series for you and thank you, thank you, thank you again!

All dividers by @saradika-graphics / Series Masterlist

You don’t know how you get through dinner; you must have gone on some kind of small talk auto-pilot because if Mark knew just how much your mind was preoccupied by another man while he was being nothing but genuine and engaging, he probably would have thrown a glass of wine in your face.

Outside of the restaurant, Mark gives you a shy look and asks if you want to get ice cream for second dessert.  Oh man, he really is good guy.

“Oh Mark, I really cannot believe I’m turning down ice cream, but I have something to confess to you,” you look apologetic and hope he’ll let you say what you think he deserves to hear.

“Honestly, Mark – you’re a dream date.  You’re smart and funny and Jen was so right, you’re a fucking catch.  I can’t tell you how guilty I’ve been feeling because I don’t think I’ve been reciprocating the energy and effort that you deserve.  I don’t know if Jen told you, but I got out of a relationship a while ago and I thought I was ready to date again – but being with you tonight… I realize I’m completely out of my element.  I don’t have any business going out with a great guy like you – not right now anyways.  I’m so sorry.”

Mark looks surprised, but his tone is understanding, “Oh!  Wow.  Jen did say something about that – I’m sorry about your last relationship.  It sounds like it really did a number on you.  If it makes you feel better – I had a great time.  I didn’t in anyway feel like I was carrying the date or anything.  And if tonight was you not feeling like you’re up to dating again, then I can’t quite imagine what it would be like to date you when it’s something you’re ready to put your all into.  Thanks for being honest.  When you feel like you’re ready to give dating another shot – think of me?”

It’s a generous and gentlemanly response; you really couldn’t ask for anything more.  The two of you part ways with a light hug outside the restaurant; Mark offers to call you a cab, but you let him know you’ll be fine, and wave appreciatively as he drives away in the car the valet brings him. 

Sighing a heavy sigh, you’re just thinking it might be best if you send Jen a message to let her know how the date went before Mark does when you hear a crash coming from the alleyway next to the restaurant.

Curiosity getting the best of you, you walk over to the side of the building and peek around the corner; there in the alley is the occupier of all your current thoughts, Din, kicking garbage cans in frustration.  When you see him punch the brick wall of the building and shake out his fist, your legs carry you to him as if on instinct – unable to see Din hurt without the urge rising to comfort and soothe him.

Din has both of his palms up against the wall when you close in on him, leaning his weight against his hands with his eyes closed, breathing heavy.

“Din?  Are you okay?” you ask softly, not wanting to startle him.

He looks up, surprised at your appearance – eyes stormy, the rich browns of his irises full of emotion, “I’m okay, pretty bird.”

Pretty bird.  Your heart swells at the familiar term of endearment that you thought you’d never hear again.  It’s like music to your ears.

“This doesn’t look okay,” you gently pull the hand that you saw him shake in pain away from the wall, turning it over and cradling it in your hands - gasping a little when you see his knuckles scraped and bleeding.  Din watches your pretty face cloud with concern as you take a handkerchief from your purse and delicately wrap it around his wounded hand; tying it snugly against his palm before turning his hand over and bringing his knuckles to your lips, pressing a tender kiss against the makeshift bandage.

“Thank you, baby.”

You’re looking at him with such a sweet expression that Din’s heart starts to ache again; he has to remind himself that your concern isn’t really for him particularly – it’s just your kind nature, “Where’s your date?  Did he go and get the car or something?”

You shrug good naturedly, “I sent him home.  Would you mind putting me in a cab, Din?”

“Of course.” As Din walks with you back towards the street, his injured hand rests protectively on your lower back and the gesture causes a chill to run up your spine.

It’s not in uncomfortable silence that the two of you wait on the curb, but Din is afraid that if he doesn’t engage you in some type of conversation, you and this moment will disappear before his mind registers it as being real, “Why did you send your date home?  Did he try something?” His eyes darken.

You shake your head lightly; Din’s protective nature is exactly as you remember - you’ve missed it, “No, nothing like that.  He was fine, really.”  You can’t deny it any longer, you’ve missed him, “He just wasn’t… you.”  With this admission you look up at Din and search his eyes – does he miss you too?

“Oh, pretty bird,” Din manages to breathe out before he descends on your mouth, kissing you fully and so full of longing and desperation he’s afraid he might actually break you.  Your arms fly up of their own accord and wrap around Din’s neck, pulling him closer, closer, closer; your fingers thread and tug at the loose curls at the nape of his neck and you long to run your hands through his hair again - you refrain, not wanting to mess up his hairstyle.  He’s yours and you’re his again in this kiss – every brush of your lips, every step in the dance of your tongues a testament to how much you’ve missed each other.

You’re melting.  Melting into Din’s strong arms and the safety of his hold, reveling in the warmth of his affections.  It’s like you’ve never left, his body molds to yours, fitting so right – pressed flushed against Din, you dare anything to try and get between the two of you right now.

Parting reluctantly when you hear the slow crunch of tires coming to a stop next to you, Din kisses your forehead gently before seeing you into the backseat of the cab.  When you see him open the passenger side door and speak to the driver, you recall with a surge of affection that cab ride after Katie’s birthday when you and Din reconnected after your brief separation.  Once again, Din tells the driver your address and emphasizes the importance of getting you home safely, punctuating his point with an overly generous tip.  Your heart swells at the memory – the déjà vu driving home how everything about your relationship had been real.

When Din comes back to see you in the backseat, your eyes are bright and full of feeling – he’s here, the sweet man who always takes care of everyone, who only every wanted to take care of you; he’s right here in front of you again.  Bringing your hand up to Din’s cheek, your heart soars when he leans into your palm with a smile; the soft feel and weight of his face familiar and comforting.

“Din, I know you didn’t sleep with Vanessa,” you say simply with no room for argument – a simple fact.  Now that you’ve said it out loud, it seems so fucking obvious.  How could you have ever believed that this man could have been capable of such a betrayal?

Simplicity and truth are all that Din can afford as well, “Of course not.  How could I ever want anyone else when I had you?  The perfect woman.  You’re the love of my life, pretty bird.  Would never cheat on you.”

The sincerity of his words brings tears to your eyes, “Then why, Din?  Why would you want me to think that you had?”

You look so confused and sad; for the billionth time, Din chastises his past self for his dumb decisions, “Needed you to hate me, pretty bird.  Needed you to stay away from me.  It’s the only way to keep you safe.”

Though this answer is vague, your response is relayed with certainty; hands cupping Din’s face, “I’m safest with you, Din.”

The kiss that Din presses to your lips at this declaration is achingly desperate, as if he’s trying to brush away all his past mistakes and wipe clean the hurt he’s caused.  He loves you.  You can feel it in every stroke of his tongue over yours, and in the way his teeth nip and nibble at your lower lip.

You’ve missed his mouth, his touch, and everything Din – and judging by the way his hands cradle your face and the deep emotions swirling in the richness of brown eyes, Din’s missed you just as much.  The two of you hold each other, foreheads pressed together for closeness, breathing in the other’s air as you soak in this togetherness that neither of you ever thought you’d experience again.

Finally, remembering what that last cab ride led to, you whisper, “Din, will you come over tonight?”

There’s a pause as Din’s brows furrow and his eyes squeeze shut.  This moment of tenderness with you, one where you don’t hate him, has been more than he deserves.  But it’s a fantasy, a mirage – the reports of escalating violence he listened to during tonight’s meeting still fresh in his mind, Din shakes his head in frustration.  Based on what had been disclosed in the meeting, he can’t help but think that it’s working – everything he’s done to remove the target on your back is working; he can’t throw away your safety just so he can have this feeling again.  That would be too risky.  Selfish.

“Pretty bird, I can’t do that.  I’m sorry.”

“I don’t understand, Din,” your voice breaks at his latest rejection and the sound tears Din in two.

He lifts your chin with his fingers so that you’ll look at him though the tears that are already starting to form in your beautiful eyes, “Baby, please understand.  We can’t.  We can’t be together – you deserve better than this, than me.  Being with me puts you in unnecessary danger.  My deepest fear is that you get hurt and I can’t… I won’t let that happen.”

“You’re hurting me right now, Din,” your voice small, sad.

Din knows he is, but he has to stay strong and resolved for your sake, even if this short respite from the dull ache of his everyday existence has been a heaven beyond his imagination, “I’m sorry, pretty bird.  I really am.  I love you, I love you.  But you deserve better.”

You say nothing but the few tears that roll down your cheeks speak volumes.  With great difficulty, Din says a wordless goodbye with kisses to your hair, then both of your hands before letting them and you go.  He knocks on the top of the cab to let the driver know he can leave; as the taxi drives away, he sees your hurt face looking back at him and it nearly brings him to his knees. 

Pressing the heels of his palm to his eyes, Din lets out a loud growl of frustration.  Taking several deep breaths before going back in to rejoin the Family meeting, he repeats to himself a mantra that he has to believe – This is the right thing.  The most important thing is that she’s safe.  Staying away from her keeps her safe.

---

Din’s resolve lasts exactly two days.

---

It takes you only the duration of the cab ride home to get over the sting of Din’s rejection.  Yes, the emotional whiplash of having him tell you that he loves you only for him say that it doesn’t change anything between the two of you hurt, but by the time you’ve taken Al out and finished getting ready for bed, your hurt feelings have been replaced by fresh purpose and determination. 

You finally have some answers.  Somehow Din has convinced himself that being apart from him is for your benefit and he’s willing to sacrifice his own happiness for it.  The problem for you is that he’s also willing to sacrifice yours. 

There’s a part of you that is livid about this, but you’re keeping this particular emotion at bay for the present moment with your newfound conviction to get to the bottom of what’s going on; you’ll get the answers you seek before you decide how you’re going to feel about it all.

You spend most of the weekend turning over the events of the last five months in your head, looking at them with a new perspective after the revelations from the past four days; mentally preparing a list of things that Din owes you explanations for and talking yourself in and out of how you’ll demand them of him. 

By some twist of fate, your regular Sunday brunch has been cancelled for the first time in forever, with several of your friends unable to make it – you can’t decide if this is in your favour or not.

On one hand, you could really use their opinions and a sounding board for your rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions; on the other hand, you suspect that Din is currently not your friends’ favourite person and you could probably do without the barrage of insults that would inevitably be thrown about as a reaction to his and Vanessa’s confessions from this past week.  Not that Din didn’t deserve them, but rather they wouldn’t help you work out what you need to do next.

By Sunday afternoon you’re sure of a few things:

Din loves you.

He has always loved you and he never stopped.

You love him, too.

He truly believed that being with him put you in danger.

What you didn’t know:

How could it be that he loved you so deeply but could so readily leave you?  Not just initially five months ago, but again, not two days earlier?

What gave him the right to decide what was best for you? 

Did he really think it acceptable to keep you in the dark about things that he clearly believed impacted your life so significantly?

The details of what prompted Din to act the way he did don’t interest you as much as why it led him to behave so unsympathetically for the past five months.  The more you think about it, the harder it is for you sit still and wait out the indetermined amount of time needed before you get your answers.

On Sunday night, you make the decision to head down to Mando’s yourself after work one day this week.  Feeling confident in your decided course of action, you’re as satisfied as you can be with the situation when you hear a knock on your door.

---

This is too easy.

Din mutters to himself as he walks through the parking garage beneath your apartment building undetected.  It was entirely too easy for him to gain entry into the garage and avoid the security cameras on his way to the internal stairwell.  He makes a mental note to talk to Paz about this gap in security as he’s taking the stairs two at a time up to your floor. 

He had tried to stay away, he really had.  But just as Din had always known, without the deterrent of you hating him and the surety that you would push him away, he had only his own self control to keep him from seeking you out, and that had crumbled under your loving touch outside the restaurant on Friday.

It had been too long since Din had gone without the feel of your soft lips pressed to his or basked in the warmth of your soft gaze and he had positively melted from both when he saw you after your date.  Like an addict in recovery, the high from his relapse was too intense to ignore; he simply could not be kept from you any longer.

He barely recalls what happened after going back into the restaurant on Friday and finishing the Family meeting.  Or how he got through Saturday at the gym, trying to slog through this month’s invoicing and attempting (unsuccessfully) to concentrate on Jimmy’s training.  Don’t even ask him what he did today.  All he knows is that after nightfall, his body drove his truck over to your neighbourhood and his feet carried him straight to your door.

Unsure of what type of reception he’ll receive if you open the door, Din doesn’t even know what he expects, only what he wants: you.

Your door opens with you already ready for bed, blinking at him with an unreadable expression.  Din thinks he should speak first and lets Al buy him some time when he noses out, nuzzling his snoot into Din’s large hands.  After giving your happy pup a few head rubs to show him how much he’s been missed, Din straightens up to look at you again; he opens his mouth to say something, though he doesn’t know what - and he never finds out because you kiss him.

You hadn’t expected to see Din before your planned confrontation, and you certainly didn’t think you’d see him at your door looking so soft and vulnerable.  After he had dispensed some love to Al, the expression in Din’s eyes when he raised himself back up to his impressive height was that of a much smaller man.  One who was unsure, ashamed.

To see Din like this takes all the wind out of the proverbial sails you had hoisted high over the last two days, the ones you had readied in anticipation of the fight you were bringing to his doorstep this week.  And just like before, when faced with seeing Din in distress, your mind, heart and body ache to soothe and calm him - so you do what comes naturally and press your lips to his.

Din’s lips never leave yours.  Not when you walk him inside your apartment and close the door, and not when he familiarly navigates the layout of your living room to sit on the couch and pull you down onto his lap.  He won’t stop brushing his desperate mouth against your perfectly plush pout, the one he dreams about regularly, even as he murmurs the only two phrases he needs to know you understand:

I’m sorry, baby.

I love you, pretty bird.

You match Din kiss for kiss, “I know.  I know, Din” as you undress first yourself, then the man whose touch you’ve been yearning for for nearly half a year and whose weight you long to be under again.  Your body cries out, remembering the feel of the corded muscles of his strong arms and the comfort of his hard chest; your hands molds to Din’s body as they roam and explore, afraid if you release him he’ll be ripped away from you again.  On Din’s part, even as his mouth becomes more insistent, his touch on your body remains gentle, reverent – where you’re urgent and possessive, he is worshipful.  And still, he recites:

I’m sorry, baby.

I love you, pretty bird.

With Din owning your mouth, your moans of I know, I know, I know are swallowed and vibrate down into his chest - setting his heart on fire and quickening his pulse even as he kisses deeper and steals all your air.

Feeling him lick into your mouth, you whimper ‘Din, please’ and the sound of his name once again on your lips makes Din’s dick jump.  He grabs you tight around the waist, holding you to him to continue fully exploring the open, moaning cavern of your mouth, conveying his devotion with each caress and massage of his tongue.  How could he have ever let you go?  You show Din that you don’t want him to do so ever again by meeting his every touch, every kiss, every guttural needy noise with a hungrier one of your own.

It’s been too long and your hearts and bodies have missed each other too much; Din is already hard and throbbing against where you’re wet and wanting.  Everything is hurried, messy, and inelegant.  You need each other and that’s all there is to it.

Overcome with your own greediness, you murmur, “Need you inside, baby.”

As Din’s entire body melts into a puddle at your words, every muscle in his broad frame relaxes and all his power and control evaporate in the face of his one and only fantasy coming to life; only snapped out of his euphoric state by the sensation of you smearing his leaking precum over his length with your soft hands - Din thinks he might come from this alone.  He’s craved your touch every moment since that fateful night outside his apartment, but he holds back for the heaven he knows is to come when you line him up to your entrance and slowly sink down.

It’s really has been too long – Din’s too big and you’re too tight and there hasn’t been enough prep; it hurts.  But somehow it’s welcomed - both of you needing it to hurt, wanting it to hurt, so you know it’s real.

“Nggghhhh – fuck, Din, so big,” you whine as he stretches you out - he’s bigger than you remember.  He feels better than you remember.

“I know, pretty bird.  But it’ll fit,” Din hums, “because you’re made for me.”

His sweet words belie the sting to your tight channel, but the joy that overflows from your heart straight to you core soon drowns out the pain; this is how it was always meant to be: you trusting your body to Din, and Din taking care of you.  Slowly, slowly, your sheath yourself onto Din’s cock – fitted so close that you feel every thick vein and groove along your warm walls. 

Din’s kisses are gentler now, tender and reassuring like his words, “Doing so good for me, pretty girl,” “You feel so perfect around me,” “Love this tight cunt, missed her so much.”

His praise causes your pussy to gush and your hands card through his soft curls appreciatively.  Gazing into Din’s eyes lovingly, you coo back your own song, “Feels so good, daddy,” “God, I’m so full,” “Noone wrecks this pussy like you, baby.”

When you’re finally fully seated, with Din bottomed out inside you, his balls nestled perfectly under your ass, the two of you simply just rest.  Countless minutes go by so you can relearn to breathe and Din thanks his lucky stars for the privilege of praying at your altar once more.

Fully blissed out and body trembling upon remembering its rightful place on Din’s cock, you whisper, “Din, please move.” And move he does.

Slowly and with the restraint of a saint, Din thrusts up to meet your tentative downward movements, dragging his cock deliciously in and out of your tight cunt, letting her suck him back in of her own volition.  You wrap your arms around his neck and feel Din’s sensual kisses on your lips, down your neck, and at the hollows of your throat; the wet trail his mouth leaves behind causes an electric chill to run throughout your entire body, your hips bucking a little harder, a little more ambitious in response.

There’s no rush, the two of you have all the time in the world to enjoy your reunion, and yet there’s an urgency - a hunger to devour as much of one another as you can, both starved from your time apart.  The need to make up for lost time takes over; every kiss of skin on skin is an apology and a promise, your declarations of love becoming louder and more unabashed, movements more fervent, frantic.

Din groans into your skin, “Pretty bird, not going to last.  Missed you too much,” as he starts to punch up with an impressive force, driving his cock deeper into your cunt and reaching that spot that only he’s ever been able to find.

“Give it to me, daddy,” you mewl, barrelling towards to your own orgasm faster than you had expected, “Need it.  Need you.  I love you, I love you, I love you.”  This is the first time you’ve said it back tonight, and the only time Din’s heard these sweet words in the musical lilt of your voice in last five mouths – this alone sends him on the fast track to the edge.

He snakes one hand between your bodies to find your already pulsating clit and starts to pen a long overdue love letter with his thumb.  Din’s other arm pulls your body as close to his as possible, so you’re now pressed flushed against his warm chest, moving with him as one.

I’m sorry, baby.  I love you, pretty bird.  I love you.

I love you, Din.  Missed you so much.  I love you.

You come - teary eyes locked onto Din’s as he signs over his fate with an elegant signature on your clit.  Your slippery nub kisses his thumb back just as hard, crying and begging for relief as you clench down from the onslaught of pleasure that only Din can give you.  Din spills deep into you as your pussy chokes him, milking the euphoria of his release for all it’s worth.  He’s in heaven.  You’re his heaven.

Wordlessly, you and Din exchange soft smiles and besotted looks as you clean-up after; a string of never-ending tender kisses lead the two of you back to the couch where you lay down in Din’s arms, sated and pliant, soaking in the strength and sureness with which he holds you, “Din, we need to talk.”

“I know, pretty bird,” he’s ready to tell you everything, lay it all bare for you. 

Propping yourself up on your elbow so you can look Din in the eye, you implore him to be honest with you, “You said you needed me to hate you.  That it was the only way to keep me safe.  What were you talking about?”

Din tells you about the photos that the Family received which had been received as threats and the various confrontations and incidents of harassment in the months following that confirmed them as such.  He tells you how scared he’s been for you, and how guilty and sorry he is that you were ever caught up in his world in this terrifying way.

Forcing himself not to look away from your pretty face when he sees it line with fear, Din tells you that he never wanted you to feel frightened or for your life to be interrupted, “You’re safe, pretty bird, I promise.  You’re well protected - the entire Fett Family is looking out for you.  They love you as much as I do.  The Family would never abandon you.”

“Just you then?” It wasn’t meant as a sarcastic or passive aggressive comment, but you just honestly can’t see what this had to do with why Din left you.  If anything, wouldn’t it have made more sense for him to stay by your side?

Regardless of your meaning, Din looks pained at your question and averts his eyes in shame.

“I understand that you were afraid for me because of the threats, but if the Family was willing to protect me, I still don’t understand why you would need me to hate you to be safe?”

“You should never have been in danger at all, baby.  The reason you’re a target is because of me.  Whoever issued the threats only targeted you because… because, they knew how much you mean to me.  How much I love you.  It wasn’t enough just to protect you from the threat, I didn’t want you to be under threat at all.  That’s the only way to guarantee you would be safe.”

You stroke Din’s face with your hand, and he leans in to your comforting touch and closes his eyes.

“If you hated me, then you would no longer be a worthy target.  The person they really want to hurt is me, and if we weren’t together anymore, they can’t do that through you.”  Din sighs, “But I’m so sorry, pretty bird.  The way I went out about it was all wrong - hurting you like I did is inexcusable and it shattered my heart to do so.  You didn’t deserve to think I cheated on you.”

Your heart softens and you lean in to lay gentle, sympathetic kisses to Din’s soft lips.  Finally, finally you understand.  Though you don’t excuse the hurt he caused, you can understand Din’s fallacious reasoning; in an odd way, it’s a relief to see him so unchanged – his actions ever consistent with his self-sacrificing nature and his conviction to take care of those he loves, to keep them safe.  The only thing is, his was not the only heart he had sacrificed.

“I thought you never loved me,” you say in a small voice, “when I thought you had cheated on me, it made me question our entire relationship.”

“Oh, fuck, baby,” Din’s shame and self-anger triple upon hearing your words.  He had expected you to be angry, to hate him for the lie he had you believe, but he never considered that you would have doubted what he felt for you prior to that horrible night.  Secure in the depth of his own devotion and the truth of just how in love with you he was, Din had thought what was unshakeable to him would be the same for you; but of course, now that you’ve said it, it makes complete sense and he adds this egregious transgression against you to his long list of regrets, “I’m so fucking sorry.  I never thought- oh, fuck.  It never crossed my mind that you might ever doubt how so completely in love with you I’ve always been.  From the moment I met you it was over for me, baby – you became the single most important person in my life.  I live for you, pretty bird.  I’m so sorry I ever made you feel any differently.”

Din looks at you with so much sincerity and desperation, you heart is unable to do anything but believe him.  You know without a shadow of a doubt that Din loves you and moreover, that everything he’s done has been in the name of that love.  And though you trust in his pure intentions, they’re misguided in a way that you have to make him understand.  If the two of you are to have a chance again, you need honesty and openness, and Din has to have faith in that same love when things get tough.

You’re lightly scratching Din’s facial scruff the way you know he loves, wanting to just enjoy this affectionate moment a little longer before you dive into the more serious things you need to talk about when you both hear Din’s phone start to buzz incessantly. 

Din reaches his long arm off the couch and easily finds his discarded pants and pulls out his phone, frowning when he sees the multiple notifications on his lock screen.

His entire body tenses as he reads Paz’s messages.

Hutt movement three blocks away from Lil’ Lady’s.

Woves confirms the group is growing.

Mods say traffic cams show more on the way. 

Din feels a stab of fear tear through his chest before the horror of what he’s done settles like a boulder in his stomach.

For the five months that Din had left you alone, there hadn’t even been a hint of suspicious activity anywhere near you.  No appearance of shady characters or any incidents of malfeasance, not a single one.  You had been safe.

What had changed tonight?  What could have possibly happened to incite a flurry of rival gang activity so close to your home when it had never previously been an issue?

It was him.  What had changed is he had been weak.  He had given in to his need for you, selfishly putting you in harm’s way.  Din realizes he had been right: staying away from you had been keeping you safe.  He gets up suddenly, the need to rectify his mistake overwhelming.

“Din?”

Din’s hurrying putting on his clothes and doesn’t answer you.  He doesn’t hear you get up from the couch after him and grab a house cardigan from the back of one of the dining room chairs to throw over yourself, watching as he carries on to leave without saying a word.

“STOP!!”

You hardly ever yell.  And you never slam your hand down on your dining table so hard and loud it hurts, but you need to get Din’s attention somehow.  It works - Din’s shocked out of his automated movements and turns to face you.

“What are you doing, Din?” you look distressed, confused, but most of all, frightened by what you think you already know is happening.

“This was a mistake, pretty bird.”

His words cause you to recoil; your voice comes out tight, bordering on bitter, “What was a mistake, Din?  Telling me you loved me, that you lived for me?  Or sleeping with me?  Tell me, which mistake do you mean?” 

Din rushes forward; he’s fucking up all over, he can tell, and hurting you again is the very last thing he ever wanted to do, “No, baby – none of that was a mistake.  Being with you tonight has been a happiness I never thought I’d feel again.  Honestly, I didn’t think I deserved it and still don’t think I do.  The mistake was me somehow thinking that everything was behind us.  That I wouldn’t be putting your safety at risk by coming over here.”

He can’t possibly be doing this again, you’re incredulous, “You’re doing this again?  You’re going to leave?  And I don’t get a say in it?”

“Pretty bird, you don’t understand.”

“Make me understand, Din.”

“There’s something happening right now, a danger that’s closer to you than should ever be allowed.  And it’s because I’m here.  This is proof that I’m no good for you baby.”

“Din, how can you say that?  I love you.”

“And I have to keep you safe because I love you, too.”

“What you’re doing is breaking my heart, Din. This isn’t the only way - you have to trust me.”

“This isn’t about trust, pretty bird, it’s about your safety.”

“Of course it’s about trust, Din!  You don’t trust me to be able to handle some of the things in your life – things that you think I’m too delicate or ‘good’ for, whatever the fuck that means.  You don’t trust me so you don’t tell me anything or let me make any decisions, and that’s really fucking condescending and hurtful.  You have to trust me, Din!  You have to trust that you can show me parts of yourself and your world that maybe aren’t perfect or you aren’t that proud of and that I’m not going to leave!  You have to trust that I love you enough!”

The silence between the two of you is punctuated only by your shallow breathing from finishing your speech and the electric tension that now hums in the air.  Something in Din’s brain is awakening, yelling at him that there’s a truth in your words that he hasn’t had the courage to face – that other than your safety, he’s been worried that bringing you fully into his world and telling you everything, sharing in all the fears and dark parts, would scare you away.  That he’s been afraid that you would walk away, so he did it first.

Din doesn’t know if he’s ready to face this realization or its implications out loud, not when you’re looking at him with so much disappointment and anger.  Not when the phone in his pocket continues to buzz non-stop.

You’re at your wit’s end and throw out ludicrously, “So, what?  We stay apart until you deem it safe again?  Then what, we’re allowed to date until the next time you think it’s safer for me if you leave?  And then we just repeat this pattern forever?”

Din’s exasperated too, frustrated with the unexpected turn this evening has taken – at himself.  He throws his hands up in the air, “I don’t know, okay?  I just know it’s not safe for you to be my girl right now.  And as for later?  May not then either?  Maybe you just don’t wait for me.”

You freeze, the retort on the tip of your tongue that you’re supposed to be a team and that Din doesn’t get to choose for the both of you, dissipates from your shock at his last words, “Wait. What do you mean ‘don’t wait for you’?”

Din doesn’t immediately clarify so you press on, “You would be okay with that?  If I moved on with someone else? Is that what you want?”

Din wants to reassure you; it’s not what he meant, of course.  His heart would shatter if you were with someone else; he had only meant that he knew it was terribly unfair for you to have to wait for this situation to resolve itself, and he didn’t want to force you to be or assume that you were okay with it – but it had come out wrong.  He stops himself from explaining though; realizing with a punch to the gut that he could use this to give you a clean slate, a clean break from him.  You would hate him again – but it would remove the temptation to come see you in secret like tonight, endangering your safety every time he was too weak to stay away from you.  So, he says nothing.

You take his silence the way he intends, as confirmation that Din doesn’t want you anymore and your tears come fast and threaten to overflow.   You’re angry, confused, and hurt.  Again. 

The barrier you had put up earlier when you so logically decided to figure out your feelings once you figured out the truth comes crashing down and you think you’re going to drown in the tidal wave of emotions that swell and rise with being so casually tossed away again.  You feel like a fool, letting Din toy with your feelings (and your body) over and over.

“Din.  Is that what you want?  Do you just want us to be over?” you choke out.

Din’s expression is unreadable and he won’t make eye contact with you - but when he sighs, it’s the most devasting sound you’ve ever heard in your life. 

Your cheeks are wet and you feel yourself shaking.  The words that are blabbering out now hardly make sense and you don’t think you even mean half of them, but you aren’t thinking straight - you just know these words will sting and make Din feel as bad as you do right now, “Why did you come tonight, Din? For an easy fuck?  You knew you would find guaranteed pussy here, didn’t you?  I can’t blame you, I guess. I mean, if you know you always have a desperate slut you can use, someone who’s stupid enough to buy whatever lies you tell her to get her to give it up, why not, right?”

Suddenly aware of how exposed you are, you pull your cardigan tighter over your body and shrink away from Din.

Din reaches for you - this, he cannot have.  He cannot have you reducing yourself to just a worthless fuck when you’re his sun.  He loves you more than anything, would hang the moon for you; you’re the most incredible and precious thing in his life, “No, no… that’s not it.  Please, pretty bird, don’t…”

You pull away from his outreaching hand and say in a flat, dead tone, “I’m not your pretty bird anymore.” 

Even Din can see that he’s hit your limit - hurt you beyond repair and now you’ve shut down.  Shut him out.  Fighting ever fibre in his body to go to you, soothe you and try to  reassure you of his love, he hangs his head, “No. You’re right… you’re not.”

The two of you stand in silence, facing each other but worlds apart, for what is probably only a minute but feels like forever.  Finally, Din turns to the front door to leave; pausing just after turning the handle, he whispers, “I’m sorry”, before exiting your apartment and closing the door behind him.

Once in the hallway, Din hears the lock turn immediately, followed by the most devastating sound he’s ever heard.  You’re sobbing, loud enough that he can hear it through the door and he wants more than anything to kick down the door and sweep you into his arms, take it all back - comfort you with kisses and lightly chastise you for even considering for a moment that he could ever stop loving you. 

But he doesn’t.  It’s better this way, Din tells himself. 

The sound of your sobs follows Din as he races down the stairs, towards the danger that lurks too closer for comfort.  He’s more than ready to take out his distress on the bastards who had deigned to look upon you as someone to threaten, to hurt - or just some unfortunate Hutts who found themselves in the wrong neighbourhood tonight.  Din doesn’t much care.  Blinking back his tears and steeling his resolve with clenched fists, all Din knows is you won’t be the only person he hurts tonight – you’re just the only one who doesn’t deserve it.

Exactly one week later, you storm into brunch still angry, exhausted and hurt from your altercation with Din the Sunday before; hot tears brim along your lash line from the humiliation of having slept with Din only for him to leave you again, and your frustration at his dismissal of any attempt to talk out your issues.  The only sure-fire thing you’ve decided is that there will be no more secrets - no more half truths, no more protecting people from hard and ugly realities.  Sure, you would have much preferred if this was the road upon which you and Din were embarking, but in lieu of that, you decide that you can come clean with your friends.  You tell them about the Fett Family and Din’s old role, and what he seems to still do for the Family.  You tell your friends about Poe, Boba, Cass, the Hutts and the Pykes, and the Mandos and the Mods.  You tell them about all the security incidents from earlier in the year and the threats you only just learned of and about Din’s and your place in it all.  You tell them about your run-in with Vanessa and how your date with Mark went and about sleeping with Din last week.  You tell them everything that’s yours to tell and even somethings that aren’t because you’re done with pretending that these secrets are worth keeping and somehow worth your happiness.

Your friends are speechless; all the food, and shockingly the drinks, are untouched as you talk and only after you indicate you’re done with your recollection of how Din left you crying in your foyer, do they descend on you to offer their kind supportive words and loving hugs.  Once everyone is settled back in their seats and people’s emotions have leveled out a bit, Rory asks,

“Do you still love him?”

It’s not the question you expected from her, or from any of your friends really, and it truly deflates you as you lean back in your chair to contemplate your response.  The last week saw you primarily cataloguing Din’s transgressions against your heart; it’s a long list and it had kept your mind and heart fairly preoccupied.  You’re furious at him… but did his foolhardy actions change the man you believed he was?  The man you had loved?  You answer only what you’re sure of,

“It doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t seem to matter to him what I think or feel.  Din just does what he thinks is best.”

Your friends nod sympathetically, understanding you’re already fighting a seemingly endless battle between your head and your heart.  They thoughtfully put forth their opinions in between bites of their now cold dishes:

“No matter what his reasoning is, it doesn’t give him the right to jerk you around in the name of ‘your safety’.”

“Does he have a point though?  Is it dangerous to be with him? Are you scared?”

“Won’t the Family protect you?  Why is he acting like he’s the only one who cares about you?”

“I don’t like that he hurt you on purpose with that Vanessa nonsense.  That lie was so elaborate.”

“How many times does he think he can do this to you?”

“You deserve someone who is honest with you.  Someone who will treat you like an equal partner in everything.”

“He loves you so much.  It’s always been clear to us that you’re his whole world, babe.”

You agree with it all – these same thoughts have been running laps in your mind since the night Din closed your door behind him.  Din’s martyr-like approach to your safety did not sit well with you, especially when it sacrificed the wellbeing of your heart without so much as a consultation of your feelings; it’s crystal clear to you now that entirely too many lies and secrets had been justified and tolerated in the last several months and even your relationship prior.  Yes, you know how you feel about what Din did.

But how do you feel about him?  To a certain degree, you know you still love Din, but things just aren’t that simple anymore.  Given everything that’s happened, how can you feel about him?  You don’t know.

6 months ATN

Waiting until there’s a break in the traffic, you cross the street quickly, heading straight for the bookstore across from your office building.  Right away, you spot the display you’re looking for: the centre table for “Current Hot Reads” with Bea’s book right in the middle - you can’t help but grin widely.  Picking up four copies, you busy yourself for a few minutes straightening up the display - strategically stacking and propping up copies of your friend’s book so it stands out in a pleasing manner amongst the other titles.  When you stand back, satisfied, to review your work, a kind voice behind you says, “Are you the author, dear?” You turn to see an older woman in a delightfully ostentatious fur coat smiling at you.

Unable to keep the pride out of your voice, you beam, “Ha ha ha!  No, one of my best friends is!  I’m actually buying these as gifts to give out to our mutual girlfriends at dinner tonight!”

“Oh, that’s so lovely dear!  What a good friend you are!” the lady smiles, “What is the book about?”

“It’s a modern romance, childhood best friends turned lovers.  The first in her series!” you gush, ready to talk Bea up to the high heavens.

“Oh lovely!  My granddaughter loves romance novels, maybe I should get it for her?”

For a moment you simply imagine what the granddaughter might think when reading the smut her sweet nana bought her and you do your best to hold in your chuckle, “Tell you what.  I’m going to buy an extra copy and leave it at the cashier for you.  If you decide you don’t want it or prefer to buy a copy, just tell the cashier to pass it on to the next person who’s interested.”

“Oh dear, you don’t have to do that!”

“I know!  But I want to!  I can’t tell you how much it delights me to support my friend.  Please ask your granddaughter to help spread the word about the book and the author.  I know she’ll love it, it really is just that good,” you enthuse.

The older woman squeezes your hand in thanks as you pick up a fifth copy of Bea’s book; leaving her to read the jacket summary as you head to the cashier.  After giving the cashier the instructions for the last copy, you give the display another quick once over before leaving the bookstore, heading directly to dinner with a spring in your step.

---

Din sees you the moment you walk in.  For some reason, maybe a sixth sense, he had looked up at the bookstore front door before it opened, and there you were.  He hasn’t seen you since the night he left you crying in your apartment, the same night he sent half of the Hutt enforcements to the hospital; when he accepted this surveillance post for the day, he had half hoped he would see you.  You’re just as stunning and bright as the you he keeps in his memories, if not more so.

He had also seen the display of Bea’s books when he walked in and already picked up a copy to buy in support; he figured he would give it to Lisa.  Din watches you rearrange the display from behind the shelves, trying not to be a creep but unable to take his eyes off of you – wistfully, he recalls seeing you do the same thing on the day you first met; it’s no less charming now than it was then.  Listening with a smile as you talk excitedly to the older lady about Bea’s book, Din’s heart swells when he hears you offer to buy her granddaughter a copy.  You’re still you.  Sweet, generous, unassuming, and unflinchingly kind.

God, he misses you.

He’s been trying to put you out of his mind, of course; positive that he’s eradicated not only any goodwill or affectionate feeling you may have held for him a few months ago, but also any chance he had of ever being with you again.  Whereas before he kept away for your safety and his own self punishment, he does so now out of self preservation.  To steel himself for his future without you.

Din does, however, allow himself one photo of you.  It’s one that Paz took the night of the fight with Rotta Hutt.  Taken right after he’s scooped you up ringside, the shot shows only the back of Din’s head, but your face is on full display, filled with joy and adoration.  He looks at it everyday; trying not to long for you more than he already does, Din comes to regard it as motivation of sorts – this is what makes all his misery worth it, he thinks to himself.  You.  Happy.

And while he can’t bring himself to delete his photos of you off his phone, or even erase your old messages, Din never looks at them either.  He doesn’t deserve to.  Especially not the dirty texts and photos; he doesn’t have a right to see you that way anymore - as much as he misses you, Din won’t violate your privacy.  But on the days when the pressure, stress and Din’s own loneliness lead him to release his frustration while in the shower, he imagines a soft hand touching him and knows it’s yours.  The voice that he hears telling him how good it feels, he knows is yours.  The moans that ring in his ears as he furiously fucks his fist can only be yours.  And when he comes, choking out broken pants of I love you, I love you, I fucking loving you so much, those words are for you and you only.

Seven months ATN

Opening your guest room closet, you sigh to yourself. 

It’s time. 

You’ve been avoiding doing this, but not only is it long overdue, you’re also embarrassed at how anxious you’ve been to attempt this task.  It’s been two months since Din left you crying on your knees in the front foyer of your apartment and seven since you fled his apartment after believing he had cheated on you.  In that hazy first week, you had gone around the apartment grabbing anything that belonged to him and stuffed it into what ended up being an overflowing bin that you then shoved into the back of the guest room closet.  Out of sight, out of mind.

But you have guests coming to stay next week, and moreover, it bothers you how rude it is to have kept these belongings that aren’t yours.  It was one thing when Din had been a lying cheating bastard; but now that you know he hadn’t had any ill intent and was as much of a victim of his poor decisions as you are, it doesn’t feel right to hang on to these items.  Bringing home some flat packing boxes from the work mailroom, you assemble them first, trying to prolong actually having to go through your ex’s things.

Stop being a chicken shit, you chide yourself, it’s been months.  Get over it and get it over with. You pull the bin out of the closet and his smell, Din’s smell, immediately hits you when you when you start to take out the clothes.  You close your eyes and let yourself breathe in the familiar scent.  It’s as inviting as you remember and immediately brings his handsome visage to your mind.  When you open your eyes, they’re filled with tears.  Dammit.

You force yourself to work through your tears.  Fighting it at first but eventually allowing yourself to recall memories associated with Din’s items, you feel and expunge all the emotions you had hidden away like you had these belongings.  It’s cathartic and freeing, and once you’ve shed the tears you need, you make quick work of the task.  When you’ve filled the last box, you write a short note apologizing how long it’s taken to return these items and quickly tape up the boxes so that the contents are once again out of your sight.

---

The following weekend, you and Katie take a cab with the boxes to Din’s neighbourhood.  You don’t think you’re ready to see Din in person, but you think you can handle dropping off the boxes… at Peli’s.  Katie helps you carry the boxes from the taxi into the drycleaner’s and you ring the little bell Peli leaves out when she’s in the back working with the machines.  You see her bushy crown of curls before you do her inviting face, the smile she smiles when she sees you is brighter than the sun.  You feel warmed just seeing her again.

“Well, look who it is,” Peli grins, eyes full of genuine cheer and relief, “long time no see.”

Nodding, your heart feels a tug with how much you’ve missed Peli and all the other friends you made through Din who you haven’t seen in months, “Too long, Peli!”

“Glad you can admit you missed me,” she teases, holding absolutely nothing against you, “what can I do for you?  Don’t tell me those boxes are full of drycleaning?”

“Oh… no.  Could I ask you for a favour?” sheepish that the very first time you see Peli after such a long absence, you’re asking something her.

Peli’s good nature isn’t phased for even a second, “Of course!  Anything for you, love.”

Then as if some higher being heard your request before you had a chance to speak it, Paz walks through the front door of the drycleaners.  He’s just as surprised to see you as you are him, but readily leans in to give you and Katie welcoming hugs.

“Hi Lil’ Lady.  Whatcha doing here?”

You gesture to the boxes and look between Peli and Paz, “Just wanted to drop off Din’s things but…  I didn’t feel up to going to Mando’s.  Do you think I could trouble you to get these boxes to him?”

Peli looks shocked, and for a moment you wonder if it’s possible that she didn’t know that you and Din haven’t been together for over half a year now.  Paz saves you from the potentially long and awkward explanation by nodding with some sympathy, “No problem, I’ll carry them over.”

“Thank you, Paz.”

“No problem, Lil’ Lady,” Paz gives you a smile that looks regretful, maybe even sad.

You turn to go, but suddenly feel compelled to make one last request, “Please don’t tell Din you saw me?  I don’t want him thinking about me anymore.”  You say this without any malice or bitterness, though you’re not convinced it comes out that way.

When going through Din’s belongings, you were initially hard hit by the waves of sadness and grief from the loss of your relationship; but after letting the ache of your heart dull, you had surprising found comfort in a barrage of happy memories:

Din’s favourite basketball team shirt you slept in.  You had teased him mercilessly for how often he wore it, but showered him in compliments at how good he looked in those loud team colours every time.  When you explained to him what Pima cotton was and delighted in a sports shirt feeling so luxuriously soft, you noticed that Din started leaving it for you to wear for sleep – first only at his apartment, but before long, he “allowed” the shirt to migrate to your place.

That lime green sweater he wore the first time he was invited to girl’s Sunday brunch.  Bea had wanted to introduce the new guy she was dating and thought that having another boy at the table might make it less intimidating.  Din had gone and immediately clocked Gideon to be an asshole, but somehow managed to convey a polite, yet protective vibe throughout the meal.  When Bea broke up with that odious man a few weeks later, Din, invited back to brunch and coincidentally wearing the same sweater had been so supportive (“You deserve better than that self-absorbed blow hard”), even offering to “take care of him” for her.  You had quickly refused on Bea’s behalf, knowing what “take care” might actually mean, but it had cheered her up so much nonetheless.

His cozy oversized patterned jacquard cardigan that Din wore whenever it was nippier out than usual.  Large enough that it could envelope you while being worn, Din took every opportunity to do so - pressing you against his hard chest while wrapping the front around you to keep the chill away when you were out at the farmers’ market, waiting for the subway, or just standing on the sidewalk while Al finished sniffing his favourite spots.

And more – all the clothes and items you packed away had at least one memory associated with Din where he had made you feel warm, cared for, cherished.

How grateful and lucky you were that Din had loved you the way he did.

Yes, he had broken your heart, but you know that he himself didn’t get away unscathed – Din had also been destroyed by your breakup.  Having long since recognized the immature and empty things said during your last fight as your own emotional lashing out, you saw with more clarity how your own hurt and pain had sliced through Din’s already battle damage armour.  To be honest, you regret your words and how you left things with Din; though the way he did it was all wrong, Din had only ever loved you, cared for you and put you first in the way that he believed matter the most.  And he did so without fanfare, pomp or circumstance - expecting neither accolades nor acknowledgment, or even a hint of self satisfaction.

Your heart truly goes out to Din.  He so willingly carries the weight of the responsibility to take care of others, to put their well being over his own wants and desires; he sees it only as his duty and a mark of his honour to put himself last.  Din never gives himself leave to be selfish, despite being the most deserving for exactly that reason; as long as others are well taken care of, you know that Din would never complain or wish for more for himself.  And while your heart has done its share of mourning for yourself, it also breaks for Din – you know with certainty that he’s as devastated as you are, and yet, he also bears the guilt of having been the cause of your respective heartbreak; likely believing himself undeserving of any sympathy or comfort.

You remember what Boba had once said of Din, that he’s a caretaker through and through.  He attends to the needs of those around him and always has – thinking of the betterment of others, sometimes, and possibly even often, at the expense of his own.  But Din’s always done so happily - it was his duty and he performed it consistently, admirably.  And you remember that you had promised Boba that you would take care of Din right back.

Refusing to add to Din’s already heavy burden when it came to your breakup, you don’t want him to think about you more than he has to when he gets his belongings back; you know he will only spiral into more self blame wondering if you’re still mad or how much you hate him.  He will undoubtedly think about how you might be hurting, and then feel regret and guilt, disappointment or whatever else that eats at him.

So, you make Paz promise not to tell Din that he saw you, to say that Peli had called him over to get the boxes and you were already gone when he arrived.  The fierce look in your eyes tells Paz that you won’t relent and he acquiesces – you were prepared to fight him if necessary, the urge to protect Din where you still can burning brightly within your heart.

Quiet and heartfelt goodbyes are said and longer than needed hugs are dispensed before you and Katie leave Peli’s, arms now empty.  As the cab pulls away, you wave what you sadly think might be your last goodbye to two people you’ve also come to love and will miss terribly.

9 months ATN

Seeing Peli and Paz at the drycleaner’s is the last contact you have with Din’s world.

After nearly the better part of a year, it no longer feels strange that there are facets of a life you had come to embrace, that are no longer familiar - like bringing baked goods down to Mando’s, or being part of the celebratory group when a Mando’s boxer wins a title.  Making a normal portion size of garlic knots is once again the norm.

Periodically, it might feel unsettling when you remember that you are or were, at least at one time, under threat, and that there are unseen eyes on you, both friendly and unfriendly.  But you never see anyone or any actual evidence of this so there’s not much you can dwell on.  Who’s to say the circumstances of the situation haven’t changed or if you’re even on anyone’s radar anymore?  It’s likely you’ve been forgotten by now and you leave these thoughts at that.

With time, you go from thinking of Din constantly, to less frequently, and now only periodically.  You don’t think you’ll ever quite forget Din.  He had loved you fiercely, of that you were certain, and in turn, you had loved him back just as hard.  He was undoubtedly, a great love of your life.  You don’t think that type of connection is easy to find, nor would you attempt to try and do so again – the way Din had seen you so completely and how you had felt being his was not a feeling you think you’ll let go of any time soon. 

But the price for that type of love was one that you hadn’t been prepared to pay – adherence to some creed or code of honour that was willing to sacrifice your heart wasn’t something you could open yourself up to again.  Not even for that kind of love.  But it didn’t mean you couldn’t look back on it with fondness and remember Din as a man you admired adamantly and would continue to hold up as one of the best men you’ve ever known.

He was kind.  Protective.  Caring and loyal. 

The strength of his character and his generous nature live on in your grateful heart.

Some of your happiest memories will always be ones that you shared with Din.  He had, as was his highest priority, made you feel safe and cherished; despite how it all ended, you knew his motivations and the intentions of his heart to be pure - he had only ever wanted the best for you.  Din’s easy way of making you laugh, supporting you in all your endeavors and of lightening your mental and physical load, all while making you feel like the most special person in any room, were not easily forgotten.  Nor his integrity, considerate nature and the gentleness of his touch.  A lover and a fighter – Din was a rare combo indeed.

You think you’ll love Din until your dying day, but you can’t pine for him anymore.

Had you forgiven him?  Hardly.  But forgiveness wasn’t necessary. 

Forgiveness implied that you needed something to change, to be acknowledged, in order to move forward, and that just simply wasn’t the case.  You neither forgave him or were looking to forgive Din; you didn’t expect there to be a continuation of your story and so, as far as you were concerned, neither of you owed anything further to the other, including forgiveness.  You’re at peace with where the pages of your love story have permanently fallen open; having reread those finally passages a million times, you’ve worked through your grief of having to put Din and your relationship behind you - what remains is only a nostalgic sort of affection and maybe wistfulness.

Your life has gone on without him, but it had always been full before you met Din and it remains so after him: full of friends, hobbies, Alfredo, accomplishment and pride in your work, and everything else your undoubtedly privileged life has to offer.  That’s probably the best word to describe it.  These days, when you do think of Din, it can be without bitterness or disappointment, because you do so only with genuine gratitude; not everyone will have the good fortune of being loved so wholly, so generously and so fearsomely, albeit it had only been for a little while.  Yes, it takes no great effort to admit: it had been a privilege to be loved by Din Djarin.

It’s been a good day.  Great even.  All your meetings finish on time (!), and no one on your team, yourself included, had extra work assigned at the last minute – you’re all able to leave ON TIME.

Stepping out of your office building, you can’t quite believe it – you haven’t seen this side of 5:30 since… you were a junior?  No, that’s an exaggeration, but it’s been a long time for sure.

You and your colleagues exchange excited hugs, marveling at your luck; a few even joke that you should all prepare to pay for this tomorrow before laughing and each going in your separate directions.

Pausing for a moment where you stand, you contemplate maybe popping into the bookstore across the street before heading home when your eyes are drawn to a hulking figure that sits on one of the courtyard benches directly facing your office.  Despite his size and striking profile, the man’s presence isn’t terribly imposing, but it is a wonder that you hadn’t notice him until now.

You lock eyes with the man, not ready to believe he’s really there, when he gives you a tentative smile along with a small wave of the bouquet of peonies that he holds in his hand.

Din.

Thanks so much again to anyone who has read this far in the series with me - I love you all so much! Your kind words and encouragement really motivated me to finish this chapter a bit earlier than I had anticipated! I'm still on the cruise, so I'm just posting this when the ship's wifi is strong 🤣 so adding a few tags for those who have expressed an interest in the story (if you don't want to be tagged, please tell me!):

@tuquoquebrute @furiousmushroom @cheekychaos28 @72scsuze @nerdieforpedro

@toobsessedsstuff @whirlwindrider29 @inept-the-magnificent @mellymbee @that1nerd-20

@hipabbster23 @bitccchmood @bigbutchenergee @rainbowcat164 @the-strawberrythief

@johnssherlock221 @misstokyo7love @vivian-pascal @florxdexcerezo @fanficlover1414

@rarachelchel @heartbrokenlilbitch-nef @jeewrites @sunnytuliptime @kulekehe

@bebsjo @yopossum @cartonkid1200 @rav3n-pascal22

[wonwooslibrary]

svt as boyfriends ♡ chan edition

member: lee chan (dino) x gn! reader

genre: fluff, established relationship, bullet points

word count: 714

summary: channie's boyfriend things <333

warnings: mentions of menstrual cycles & insulting in a loving way

author's note: hello! normally this is where i would be oops i'm getting back into writing but i'll be completely honest this time and say that i am completely falling out of love with it and i genuinely haven't opened a wip in so damn long. if i wasn't so far into this series, I definitely would not have finished it....i want to write more but it just might take me a while to find my love for it once again...thanks for still reading though <3 sorry this is so late, and I hope you enjoy reading!!!

Socially stupid bf <3 

If anyone sees you, they will always know that Chan is close behind 

Is so madly in love with you and doesn’t know how to live without you

Quality Time 

Loves taking you anywhere he goes, including dance practices or shopping 

Dinner dates are his thing - he’ll pull off the roses and candles and everything 

Constant texts when you can’t be together because of work or visiting family 

Such as hey i managed to find that sock that went missing in the laundry last week !! or how long do i put 12 pizza rolls in the microwave for 

Loves just being with you when you take part in your hobbies, even if he doesn’t particularly enjoy them himself 

Gets worried that you’ll get angry with him because he’s always with you and knows that you need your alone time once in a while 

Words of Affirmation

Compliments you through jokes or insults type of boyfriend 

You’re all like “I love you,” and he’s like, “You wouldn’t if I was a worm though :(“ and then you roll your eyes because come on, how could someone not love Lee Chan

Always apologizes for things he doesn’t need to apologize for because he doesn’t want to upset you :((( 

I don’t think Chan would be a big fan of pet names, to be honest, but if he was, I think they would just be versions of your name :3 

Melts into a puddle when you compliment him because !!! you are complimenting him !!!! 

Basically he can dish out all the compliments, but the minute you try saying them back, he turns into a literal tomato because he’s embarrassed but also so madly in love 

Physical Touch

I think he is secretly one of the biggest cuddle bugs in svt and nobody can change my mind

When he laughs, he always manages to fall into you some way, whether that be resting his head on your shoulder or crumpling into you

Loves holding hands (especially in public) but not in a possessive way, more of a I constantly want to be around you kind of way 

And of course you love it because it’s Lee Chan and you love everything about him 

On the other hand, there are definitely days that he doesn’t feel confident in himself or that he deserves the love you give him :((( 

You know on those days that you need to show your affection and make the first moves yourself,,,he likes loving you, but sometimes he just needs to be shown that he can be loved too

Acts of Service 

I’m not going to lie, I struggled a bit with this category, because I feel it’s easier for Chan to say things rather than show it

He’s just not sure whether him making tea for you says “i love you” or “sup bro” and wants to make sure he gets the right message across 

Because of this, your relationship took a while to form because both of you cannot take a hint and were so convinced you didn’t like each other 

Absolutely loves helping you with literally everything: doing chores, studying, getting ready in the morning, as long as you are there with him, he doesn’t care and will do anything 

He doesn’t realize that what he does shows how much he loves you, he just thinks its normal to help you, and vice versa 

Sometimes you protest against his help but he’s just a BOY WHO IS IN LOVE let him do what he wants :( 

Gift Giving 

A huuuge fan of gift giving 

Will buy anything that you could ever want or need

Stuffed animals and snacks galore !!!! 

If you have menstrual cycles, he would totally be the type of boyfriend to go to the store and buy whatever products you need and surprise you with a bunch of snacks and treats throughout the week 

You of course also spoil him to the best of your ability and he loves it, but also always feels bad when you spend money on him in any way

Loves matching and customizable gifts !!! He likes to give you things that can make you laugh and remember a specific moment with him because he thinks it’s cute (and you think it’s sappy and adorable)

[dr-spectre]

Not really Splatoon related, but...

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF SHADOW THE SQUID!?!

SHADOW THE SQUID IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!

I love it when my two favourite game franchises of all time have these small and unintentional connections with each other.

We got characters going into giant squid like forms with fast mobility and strength.

Rail grinding.

The main villains using a spherical mech with a focus on giant arms.

An evil being from the past that's gonna crash into the planet.

Having to team with the main villain of the series and everyone working together to stop this giant threat.

Robotic clones of pre existing characters that rival their original counterparts in strength.

Both franchises are celebrated for their music and style.

Both franchises have done collabs with other gaming franchises.

Both franchises feature characters with exaggerated proportions, designs filled with strong colour pallets and recognisable silhouettes.

Both franchises include unique gameplay you genuinely cannot get anywhere else. Even in fan games it's not the same.

Like... Do you see why I'm so obsessed with both of these series?

All i'm saying is... This is gonna get semi off topic but, it's actually insane to me that so far these two haven't fucking collabed yet. HOW DID SPLATOON COLLAB WITH TRANSFORMERS, SPONGEBOB, HELLO KITTY AND MCDONALDS BEFORE SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!?! THAT'S CRAZY TO ME!!!

You know how hard a Sonic x Splatoon collab would go? Like think about it for more than five seconds and you would get it.

Sonic and Callie or Frye interacting with each other sounds like the funniest and most chaotic shit imaginable. Tails and Marina geeking out over technology would be the CUTEST FUCKING THING IN THE GOD DAMN WORLD! COME ON MAN!

A CALAMARI INKANTATION REMIX WITH CRUSH 40 LIKE INSTRUMENTS!??! YOU GOTTA ADMIT THAT WOULD BE FIRE! COME ONNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!! IMAGINE SONIC SONGS WITH IDOLS GIVING VOCALS TO THEM!!!!!! BRO!!!!!!!!!!! COME ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!

Oh well... The closest we shall get is this remix of Bomb Rush Blush done by Tomoya Ohtani who is one of the biggest composers for Sonic and has worked on the series for so many years.

Man.... Now i want some fan art of Sonic and Callie interacting with each other.... My two biggest comfort characters together would make me feel something i wouldn't be able to put into words. Totally not trying to implant subtle messaging into artists that may see this....

[daydreamingyuta]

NCT as Husbands Series: Yuta

summary: fluff, drabble, husband!yuta wc: 996 nct as husbands masterlist

Yuta is my fav man so to me, he’s the absolute best husband!

He would be completely obsessed with you. Like you didn’t think it was possible for him to become more obsessed with you, but ever since you two got married he's been on a whole different level. A lot like his love for Mark but intensified because you're his wife.

But Yuta can also come off as hard to read sometimes, not always making his emotions known. So I think Yuta would find comfort in the fact that even though he’s not showering you with love at the moment, you still know just how in love with you he is!

He’s also possessive but not in a (super) toxic way just in a “that’s my wife” kinda way. Which is one way he shows his love for you. like nothing makes him more proud to be your husband than when other guys are clearly looking at you, but he’s the only guy you’re concerned with! and you know exactly when it’s happening because of the little smirk he gets on his face.

Also this man is obsessed with blowing kisses for some reason and it’s the cutest thing in the world! So he would be constantly blowing you kisses especially over FaceTime when he can’t actually kiss you. (or he would send you a quick video if you can’t pick up)

I think one of the most precious things about him is that, when he likes someone, he makes sure that they know how special they are to him. like the way that he would genuinely make you feel like the most beautiful woman that's ever walked this earth! Compliments from him would leave you blushing and replaying his words over and over in your head all day! but as soon as you tell him how handsome he is, he’ll get so shy and cute about it 🥹

One thing that he’s going to make sure of is that his baby is happy!! He literally cannot stop himself from spoiling you and showering you with love 🥺🥺

You hated the fact that one wrong thing could happen, and your whole mood would be ruined for the day. You had gotten into a disagreement with a friend today over dinner and you couldn't stop thinking about it. It wasn't even that big of a deal, it was just annoying that they couldn't see your side of the argument. Yuta could tell that your mood was sour as soon as you got home, plopping down on the couch without even changing into sweats like you usually did. "You're back home early." He says, wrapping his arm around you, letting you lean into him. You hum in response and he knows that you don't really want to talk about what’s put you in a bad mood. Since he doesn’t know what’s bothering you, he quickly searches his mind for ways to make you feel a little better. He sits there with you for a good minute, stroking your hair to comfort you, when he thinks of the new cookies you had bought but haven't tried yet. "Hey, did you want to try those new cookies you got from the store?" He smiled to himself when you perked up slightly at the thought of a sweet treat. "Yeah, I forgot about those." You two walk into the kitchen, Yuta instinctively putting water in the kettle for some tea as you get the cookies out. "Their coffee flavored right?" "hmm…?" You inspect the packaging until you spot the description of the cookies. "Yeah, they’re mocha flavored." You point at the packet showing Yuta as he leans down to get a closer look but then he surprises you by giving you a quick kiss on the cheek instead. You give him a playful smile as he gets two mugs from the cabinet. Once the tea is poured, you both try the cookies which turn out to be amazing. You both express your delight by nodding your head at each other because your mouths are full. As you enjoy your treat, you find yourself talking all about your disagreement with your friend. It's nice to talk to your husband because he's such a good listener, but reliving the conversation made your mood go right back to annoyed. Yuta actually gives you some good advice once you finished telling him the whole story, which he could tell made you feel better, but he still wasn't going to be satisfied until he saw your pretty smile that he loves so much. "Hey, stay here." He says, as he leaves the kitchen. You wait there until he returns, phone in hand and looking something up. You're confused for a good minute until you hear him playing one of your favorite songs. He grabs your hands, and you know he wants you to dance with him. You follow his lead as you sway with him to the song. He can see a smile creep onto your face as he presses more into you. You bury your head into his neck and stay just like that for a while until Yuta gets an idea. He pulls you two apart gently so he can spin you in a circle, which causes you to laugh because the song that's playing does not warrant him to be spinning you around like this at all. Yuta flashes you a proud smile, beaming at the fact that he made you laugh. "Now spin me around." You shake your head at him, but comply with his wishes, spinning him around not once, not twice, but three times until he’s satisfied. The song ends and you wrap your arms around his neck and give him a big kiss for being so adorable. "Have you always been this cute?" "Only when my sweet wife needs to get out of a bad mood." He says, wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing you back.

[tadpolejourney]

Most Welcome

Genres: BG3 Act 2, Gale x F!Tav, love triangle (Gale, Tav, Astarion) mostly angst and fluff, a small dose of sexy stuff (not smut though)

Warnings: NSFW 18+ for adult language and mild adult content, alcohol abuse

A/N: This is a companion piece to my Tav Liriel’s journal series, narrated in the third person. It takes place the night after Day 33, their first day in the Shadowlands and after Karlach got her engine upgrade. I’m using a headcanon that vampire spawn can feel the effects of alcohol when canonically they cannot. It’s heavy on dialogue and some of that is written as drunken speech. 5,388 words because like Gale I have a propensity towards verbosity...

“Let the Karlach cuddle party extravaganza commence!” Liriel announced to the whole camp as she hugged Karlach for what was probably the tenth time that day.

“Hells yes!” Karlach shouted, pumping her fist into the air a few times. “I want to hug everyone. And-- oh! SCRATCH! Come here, boy!”

The white, fluffy dog came bounding up to her, wagging his tail enthusiastically. He maintained a safe distance from the fiery tiefling, as he had been taught. His curiosity piqued, he tilted his head to one side.

“New rules, Scratch! I can pet you now! Look!” She grinned and reached out her hand to let him sniff it. Wasting no more time, she gave Scratch so many enthusiastic pets she ruffled every inch of the fur on his head.

“Aw, you’re so soft,” she commented. “Where’s the cub?” She looked around for the owlbear cub who normally ran alongside or after Scratch wherever he went.

She heard a soft chirping from behind her, and turned to see the cub looking at her with its huge yellow eyes, as if begging for head scritches.

She spent the next half hour petting, playing, and snuggling with Scratch and the owlbear cub.

“I have SO MUCH to do!” Karlach called out as she jogged over to rejoin the group. They were seated around the cook pot having dinner and the first glasses of wine for the evening.

“I hope a hearty dinner is on that list, because that’s what I prepared just for you,” Gale told her as he fixed a plate of one of the best meals they’d had since starting their journey. He’d prepared roasted turkey and grilled pork sausage, roasted pumpkin, and a buttered baked potato, all seasoned to perfection for the special occasion.

Gale handed her the plate and she immediately set it down on the ground to wrap the wizard in a great bear hug, lifting him off the ground. “Thank you. For the food, and for being my friend.”

“You’re very welcome! Please, put me down now, and then, eat. I insist.”

“There’s a berry tart for dessert that I made just for you, courtesy of the Last Light kitchen,” Wyll said to Karlach as she sat down and began gobbling the items on her plate.

“Wow!” she exclaimed through a mouthful of food. She swallowed thickly and said, “I think I forgot what that even tastes like. Don’t let me forget to hug you next for at least five minutes.”

Wyll laughed, then raised an eyebrow at her. “How about we make it… five hugs instead of five minutes of one hug?”

“Deal.”

Gale watched Karlach wolf down her dinner with genuine affection. He felt someone’s eyes on him as he did so, and looked around at the rest of his companions.

He met Liriel's gaze from across the campfire and she gave him the warmest smile. He smiled back in return, but a thought intruded on that lovely moment that made his heart ache. His mother would have loved Liriel. He would have been so proud to be with her, to take her home. So many places he would have liked to take her, so many people in his life he wanted her to meet.

He thought back to their conversation last night. How she had completely defied his expectations and held his hand. He had planned to tell her that he was in love with her, but things did not go as planned.

He asked her for a private audience in his tent this evening, and he was both eager and uneasy. After all, how dare he start anything when he knows what he must do? How could he knowingly break her heart in that manner? Or was it already too late? Would he be doomed to break her heart no matter what?

“WYLL!” Karlach’s voice boomed, jolting Gale out of his thoughts. “Time for hug number one. That berry tart was fucking incredible.”

Karlach gave Wyll her now signature elevating bear hug. Gale realized he didn’t want to make any of his newfound friends sad, or put any of them in danger because of the orb either. Then he felt an elbow gently jab his side.

“I would pay you a copper for your thoughts, but I don’t think I want to know given the look on your face,” Liriel remarked.

Gale sighed wistfully. “Was I that obvious?”

“To me? Yes. I think everyone else is too worried about who Karlach will try to hug next to pay attention to you. Are you ready to head to your tent for that private chat? Or do you need more time to brood?”

“Oh no, brooding will do me no good. A moment alone with you will do me a lot of good.”

She took him by the hand, rapidly entwining her fingers in his, and led him to the privacy of his tent.

Holding hands was still such a new sensation for the both of them that their hearts fluttered. Gale often felt he needed a reality check in moments with her, to ensure he had not actually died and this was not his final dream. Liriel often felt she dreamed Gale into life.

“About last night—” he started.

“I don’t want you to die, Gale,” she said earnestly.

“I know. Thank you for saying so.”

“There really is nothing I could do to change your mind, is there? No matter what I say or do, you want to die for Mystra.”

“That is an inaccurate portrait of the situation, Liriel. This is not about Mystra, or even myself for that matter. This is about saving everyone from the Absolute. Mystra has given us a way. It gives my inevitable and imminent death from the orb some meaning in the process. As of late I would never do such a thing for her alone, or any promise of her forgiveness.”

“Can you at least reconsider the idea that there may in fact be more than one solution to the problem of the Absolute? That perhaps there is a way that doesn’t involve sacrificing you, someone who doesn’t deserve to be sacrificed? That maybe we can do this, together, and all of us can live to tell the tale?”

“I can certainly reconsider once we know firsthand what we’re up against, but we must expect the worst. Believe me, there are things far worse than my death. The Absolute taking over the world is one of them.”

“Personally, I can’t think of a single thing worse than you dying, and I refuse to expect the worst. I will not accept you blowing yourself up as a necessary event, and you shouldn’t either. It’s bullshit. The gods are full of shit and only ever meddle when it benefits them directly. They make us do their dirty work. I don’t believe a damn word any of them say, ever. The evil gods break the rules all the time while the allegedly good gods do nothing to stop them and the neutral gods idle pointlessly.”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “You really are quite cynical about the gods, aren’t you? They are infinitely more complex than mere mortal moral notions of good, neutral, and evil.”

“If I am too cynical about them, you are too damn accommodating. If you actually die and I manage to survive your explosion, I will live out the remainder of my days in utter fucking anguish and despondency over losing you. You better take me with you.”

“Liriel, I truly wish to let the matter rest for now. I know you are upset, but we’re very nearly teetering off the edge of sense and civility, and I am in no condition to endure such a turn in our conversation.” His tone was equally exasperated and concerned.

She growled in frustration. In one swift motion, she grabbed his face and kissed him hard, heatedly, and passionately. Gale instantly and effortlessly returned her heat and her passion, locking her in an embrace. Her tongue entered his mouth and danced with his as she raked her fingers through his hair.

They were a tangle of feverish movement, moaning through each kiss as they ran their hands up and down and all over one another’s bodies, clawing and pawing desperately. As she pressed her body against his, he hissed and bucked his hips into her.

She let herself get swept up in the breathlessness of the moment, actively restraining herself from forming words, confessing her love for him. The ache and pull of that restraint was enough to bring an overwhelming torrent of emotion to the surface. She felt her eyes begin to burn and sting with tears as they continued to kiss and caress and grind their hips into one another.

Abruptly, she jerked herself away from the kiss and his embrace.

“Damnit!” she exclaimed, shutting her eyes tightly as though she could squeeze back the tears welling in her eyes.

“Damnitdamnitdamnit!” She turned and dashed away before he had time to process anything.

Outside Gale’s tent the cuddle party was winding down as the rest of the group were gathered together around the fire. Despite the dreary backdrop of the shadow-cursed lands, the mood was still joyful and jocular. Then they witnessed Liriel pass by them in a blur as she raced through camp and out of sight, audibly choking back sobs as she ran. Before anyone else had time to react, Astarion turned, deftly vaulted over the owlbear cub laying on the ground behind him, and sprinted after Liriel at top speed.

He caught up to her a few hundred yards out of earshot of camp. He grabbed her by one shoulder and she immediately tried to shrug him off without turning around. “Liriel!” he barked breathlessly, “It’s just me. Stop! Now, damn you!”

She slowed to a standstill, her breathing ragged. She turned to face him, and her countenance pained him in a way he was unsure he had ever felt before. Her eyes were swollen and bloodshot and there were distinct tracks of tears running down her face. She looked... scared. He had never seen her frightened, not once. He could scarcely believe she was afraid of anything, even seeing her quite clearly afraid this very moment. Just what had that asshole wizard said to her? he wondered.

“Weren’t you the one earlier today that was adamant about anyone not going out alone in this shit?” he ranted as he gestured broadly at the unnatural darkness surrounding them. “And yet, here you are, like an imp out of the hells, mindlessly attempting to tear through this place by yourself as though you have a death wish. What the fuck happened?”

Instead of responding, she buried her face in her hands and cried.

“Look,” he said brusquely, “I’m not going to leave you alone out here for very long, but I can tell we are both going to need a lot alcohol for this conversation. Will you promise me that you will stay here until I get back unless you see or hear anything at all, and that if you do see or hear anything that isn’t me you’ll head straight back to camp? Nod if you can do that.”

She nodded without removing her hands from over her face.

Astarion stealthily and hastily made his way back to camp, purloining some whiskey for her and wine for himself from someone’s unattended pack. He mutely observed the rumblings of camp, counting heads to ensure the rest of their group was still there and that no one had attempted to follow.

As he finished counting, he heard Karlach bay reassuringly to the group, “Astarion will bring her back for sure. They’re real close, you know?” He smirked to himself as he slunk away.

When he returned to Liriel, she sat on the ground crying softly, her knees drawn up to her chest, her face resting on them. It was a side of her he’d never seen. She seemed so small, so vulnerable and childlike, and so different from the person he had known all this time. The sight of her like this made him feel… strange. Not good.

He prodded one of her knees with the whiskey bottle. “He’s not worth it, you know.”

She looked up at him and smiled feebly, taking the bottle from his hand. He sat down beside her and uncorked the bottle of wine. They sat together without speaking, both solemnly taking in large gulps of alcohol as though they were preparing for an amputation.

“I’m normally not this stupid when I like someone, you know,” she remarked after a while, cutting the sheer silence.

“I dearly hope so,” he replied. “I thought you were at least kind of smart before tonight. Now I’m not so sure.”

As she turned to face him in a display of feigned outrage, he grinned back at her slyly.

She took another drink, and her expression resumed its previous solemnity as she continued. “I want to be with him, but now he’s going to die, and it’s all such tragic bullshit. I tried to talk him out of using the orb, again. Foolish of me, really.” She took another huge swig of whiskey.

He gawked at her, not really listening to the stuff about Gale but rather genuinely fascinated with the way she gulped from the bottle without so much as a twinge. He thought that shit burned like fire and tasted even worse.

After another minute or so of silence Astarion asked, “What in the hells could he have said to someone as tough as you to make you actually cry, though?”

“Oh, it wasn’t because of what he said,” she replied. “He told me he had no choice, again, and our discussion went nowhere. That sucked, but he was gentle in the way he spoke to me about it. I tend to reserve my tears and shed them privately if I can, and none of that would have made me cry outright. It’s more the fact that in the heat of the moment I kissed him, hoping I would hate it or feel nothing, and I didn’t. It just confirmed what I already knew, and I couldn’t deal. So I ran.”

He grimaced, feeling suddenly uncomfortable in a way he couldn’t quite place. He shifted his legs as though it might assuage the discomfort he felt. It did not. “What do you mean, ‘what you already knew’?”

“That I’m in love with him.”

“Oh,” he replied, authentically startled. “Oh,” he repeated, but gravely.

“I’m fucked, aren’t I?”

“Well… yes, darling. Since you asked, yes, you’re fucked. But isn’t everything and everyone?”

She chuckled dryly, taking another huge swig of whiskey. She swayed lightly now, nearly brushing against him.

He realized he wished she would. They had never touched. Astarion felt his focus on the here and now drifting as the wine combined with the shock of the evening’s events. Her sudden, heartfelt confession. To him, but not about him. She kissed… Gale, of all people. He sensed his mood souring along with a feeling of dread pooling in the pit of his stomach. Asshole wizard, he thought again.

“Let’s talk about something else, shall we, darling?” Astarion asked, forcing a chipper tone through his voice though he felt pretty fucking far from chipper. “Something… happier, perhaps? What about… animals? You like animals, I like drinking the blood of animals…”

She laughed, a little too loud, and a little too joyously. She was definitely drunk. “Thanks for running out here after me, into this dangerous, dark ass wilderness. For keeping me company while I was a blubbering mess. And for bringing me whiskey to make it allll better.”

“Don’t mention it. Really, I mean that. I do not want my reputation ruined. I can't have people coming after me for heroic favors and expecting me to be nice to them.”

He eyed her as she took another large swig from the whiskey bottle. It was two-thirds gone already.

“I’m curious about somethin’, and I hope you’ll humor me since we’re alone and everything sucks,” she said. “I don’t know anything about vampires or vampire spawn, y’know. Do you poop?”

“Do I what?” he asked, obviously appalled and almost daring her to repeat the question, hoping she wouldn’t.

“I said… Do. You. Poop.”

“Do fuck off, darling.”

She let another hearty laugh. “Everyone poops, right?”

“I now hate this conversation so much I almost wish you would talk to me about Gale again. Almost.”

“So you’d... rather talk about poop than Gale?”

“Both topics are entirely too repulsive for me, I’m afraid. And I do think you’re positively drunk, my dear.”

“Yesh. I think so too. Gale’s not gross. He’s nice and verrrry loveleeeeee. I’ll punch you if you say that again.”

He frowned, knowing she wouldn’t notice it. Then he watched her take yet another substantial gulp of whiskey, and his eyes widened. “Are you really going to polish off that whole bottle?”

“Why not? I ain’t no quitter.”

“Ugh, a double negative, really? Your grammar is atrocious when you drink.”

“Doeshn’t matter if I make enough sense to seem deep. If you don’t like it, go to shleep,” she slurred, jostling his wine bottle as she pointed towards the general direction of camp.

“You are scarcely making sense, too. I won’t leave you alone out here, as much as I’d like to right now.”

“Maybe we should sing a.. a shong or somethin.”

“No, we should not. I think we should head back to camp before you lose consciousness entirely.”

“Wait... I gots busineshs…” She tilted the bottle up, her head following, as she dumped the remaining contents of the whiskey bottle into her mouth.

She threw the bottle aimlessly into the darkness, giggled after hearing it shatter, and slumped into Astarion, her head resting on his shoulder.

He sighed, pretending to be annoyed. “Hells. Can we go now?”

“I gueshs… we should go... back. ‘Fore some dark shadowy typa shit... eatsh ush or shomethin.”

Liriel stood, wobbling and tipping. Thoroughly reluctant to ask for Astarion’s help to walk back to camp through the dark, she staggered forward a few steps.

When she tripped over nothing at all and fell on her behind, she slurred, “I think I need an adult.”

“Honestly,” he huffed, attempting to seem put out by her drunkenness and miffed at having to abandon his bottle of wine. He set the bottle down with a dramatic flair to conceal the absolute glee he felt as he swept her up in his arms and carried her back to camp, bridal style.

Gale rushed to the edge of camp when he heard their footsteps, but stopped short at what he saw. He chastised himself again for not reacting fast enough and keeping her close. Feelings of intense jealousy surged within him at the sight of Liriel in Astarion’s arms as the vampire spawn confidently strolled into camp. Gale began assuming the worst. Karlach’s earlier remark was unnecessary, as Gale needed no reminder whatsoever that the two of them were so effortlessly close in a way that he envied and longed for with her. Then, as if meaning to pour veritable salt into his emotional wounds, the group began gushing about how fast Astarion ran after her, how he gracefully leapt over the owlbear cub like a dancer and sprinted off at an impressive speed into the danger of the dark to bring her back. Did they intend to mock him also with the gossip that followed about what the pair might be doing out there alone, and what they did when they left camp together yesterday?

He also knew, through a significant volume of observational evidence gathered over the weeks they’d traveled together, that Astarion was definitely in love with her too. Even if the undead elf refused to acknowledge or recognize it, and even if he wouldn’t use those exact words himself to describe how he felt about her. He also knew that Astarion was not the only competitor at camp vying for her heart. He had several romantic rivals.

Then the rush of thoughts halted as it dawned on him that she was utterly wasted, oblivious and babbling nonsensically as she lolled in Astarion’s grip. Though he was very evidently struggling with their inebriated leader, he acted confident, almost proud, in his movements as he carried her. The way Astarion glared at him, Gale knew that he knew. She told him at least something about what transpired in his tent.

Gale’s thoughts pivoted now as he regained perspective on the situation. She could have anyone she wanted, and yet she chose him. She kissed him. Then, in a tempest of strong emotions, she fled from his side, unable to face him while in tears over him. The intensity of the memory and the earlier glimpse of the depth of her feelings for him inspired a dizzying combination of elation, gratitude, shame, and regret.

She came back uninjured, and now she was drunk. Really, really drunk. Did Astarion really chase after her with a bottle in hand intending to carouse with her? Gale thought to himself.

Everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief upon Liriel’s return to camp. Karlach took her from Astarion’s arms into her own, and didn’t appear to struggle at all despite the half elf’s boozy wriggling.

Astarion made a great show to the rest of the group of seeming very inconvenienced by the whole affair as he huffed and took a bottle of wine out of Wyll’s hand. Wyll sighed defeatedly and trekked over to the camp chest to procure another for himself.

Sensing Karlach’s intentions as she turned away from the group, Liriel proceeded to beg in a drunken slur, “Mama K, don’ make me go bed. Jusht becaushe I’m too drunk to walk doeshn’t mean I can’t hang out. Wanna hang out…”

“Alright, alright,” Karlach conceded sweetly, turning back around. “But if you throw up or try to keep drinking, I’m putting you to bed.”

Liriel squealed in delight, slinging a free arm around the tiefling’s neck in an attempted hug.

Karlach set Liriel down between herself and Shadowheart around the fire. It didn’t take long for the cheerful mood to return to the group. Liriel’s usual effervescent charm did not elude her even in a drunken state. She was very silly, very relaxed, and absolutely smashed. At first the group was stunned, having never seen her drunk before, but that shock rapidly gave way to amusement.

“So, Liriel,” Shadowheart began with a telltale smirk, “What did you and Astarion do out there all alone in the darkness for so long? You seem much less upset than when you fled camp earlier.”

“Talkded, bout shtuff, personals,” Liriel drawled. “I was... sad. Then, I drank aaaaaaaalll the whiskey.” She gestured wildly as she dragged out the word ‘all’, nearly knocking Shadowheart’s goblet out of her hand in the process. “And now? I'm happeeeeee. Prolly not really though. Imma feel reallll bad tomorrow mornin.”

“She really did drink an entire bottle of whiskey,” Astarion happily chimed in, “It was honestly impressive how much she drank without dying or, worse, vomiting.”

“I haf a dyshfundshunal relashhionshhip with alkeyhol. I can haf none of it, or alllll of it. N it’sh realll bad when I have sadneshs.”

“Sadness can be a really great thing, you know,” Shadowheart commented with a dreamy look on her face. “It’s a sign of loss, which is glorious. It’s freeing. You should try embracing it.”

“Babygirl,” Liriel replied as she clapped a hand on Shadowheart’s shoulder and tried to look serious, “I luf you but dat’sh some bullllllllllllshhhhhhhhhhit.”

Lae’zel, Astarion, and Gale audibly stifled their laughter.

Keen to prevent any impending late night chaos, Karlach interjected, “Let’s talk about something else now, yeah? I’m sorry you were sad, Liriel. We can talk about it tomorrow, when you’re sober. If you want.”

“Mmk,” Liriel hummed. “Shorry bout the blasfuhmee, Shart. Hope I don’ offend you wif my dilsbelief.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I am thoroughly entertained by your stupidity,” Shadowheart replied bluntly as she pushed Liriel’s hand off her shoulder.

“Cool. Gimme dat,” Liriel darted for Gale’s wine bottle on the ground in front of him, splaying over Karlach’s lap to reach for it.

She got the rim of the bottle to her lips just as Karlach lifted her up with total ease and said, “Okay, that’s it. You’re done. Bedtime.”

Gale stood up to meet Liriel at her eye level. “May I have my bottle of wine back?” he asked her politely.

“Uh,” she stammered, “Ya.” She nearly dropped the bottle in an attempt to hand it to him, but he managed to get a grip on it.

“Thank you.” He smiled at her.

“Don’ you shmile at me like that Mishter Blizzard, or imma kishs you again. Thish time in front of errrrybody.” She attempted to wink at him, but it was so slow and awkward it made everyone laugh, including Gale.

“On that note, I think I will go to bed as well. Good night, everyone,” Gale announced, completely unable to suppress the huge grin on his face.

Liriel whined as Karlach whisked her away from Gale to her tent. She passed out on her bedroll for a few hours.

In the middle of the night, she found herself wide awake but still drunk. She opened the flap of her tent and peered out at the campsite, searching for signs of life. By her estimation everyone was fast asleep and dawn was still hours away.

She crawled over to Gale’s tent and pried it open. Slowly and silently, she crept up on the wizard, who was in deep sleep. She briefly watched him, appreciating his handsome features and the peaceful look on his face in the low light of the dimming campfire. Then her impulses took over, and she bent down to get incredibly close to his sleeping form.

As she grabbed one of his shoulders, she hissed, “BOO” in his ear.

Gale bolted upright, exclaiming, “Gods, what is—”

Then he noticed who it was that barged into his tent in the middle of the night, along with the amused expression on her face. Still in disbelief, he asked, “Liriel? What are you doing?”

“I wanted to see you, alone. And I didn’t want to wait until morning. And earlier I was too upset. And then I was too drunk. Now I’m still drunk—I’m like, 56% drunk. But no longer tooooo drunk, y’know? And I’m not upset.”

He chuckled, shifting and motioning so that she would sit beside him. “Well, your sudden intrusion is always welcome, however jarring it was in the moment.”

“Hey, at least we know for sure he is sleeping.” She lightly grazed her finger over the skin on his chest where the orb resided and let it linger there. It began to glow a bright purple. She’d seen this before. She knew what it meant. He was turned on right now.

And the look on his face confirmed it. “Perhaps now is not the best time to rehash what happened earlier tonight, though. I have a feeling those hurt feelings we harbor could easily resurface.”

“You have hurt feelings too? You seemed so stoic. It frustrated me.”

“Of course this hurts me. I don’t want to break your heart in this way, and my own heart aches for you like never before. Knowing you feel the sorrow you do, it pains me. Greatly.”

“So what do we do now?”

“Now…” he paused to think on it a moment. “Now I think we should sleep, really. We need our rest and our strength, more than ever. There will be time to talk this through.”

She looked downcast, biting her lip.

He opened his mouth to speak, then thought better of it. He waited for her instead.

“I just want to say one thing,” she said softly. “We’ve already defied incredible odds by managing to get this far. It’s not blind dumb luck that we’re still here either. It’s us. WE survived because of who WE are. We’re not only surviving, we’ve surpassed every challenge that this fucked up world has thrown at us. We keep winning. If there’s anything I believe in, it’s us. It’s you.”

He pulled her close in a movement so uncharacteristically strong and quick that it caught her slightly intoxicated senses off-guard. When she regained her bearings she held him tightly, bunching the clothes on his back between each of her fists.

“Thank you,” he whispered in her ear. “Thank you for believing in me and giving me hope. I will not abandon that hope, or you, lightly. Please know that.”

She didn’t say anything. They clung to one another so firmly yet neither dared let go. After a while, Gale could detect her trembling slightly in his embrace, then he noticed she had dampened his clothing at the shoulder where her eyes rested. He pulled back a little to look at her face as she simultaneously worked to hide her face from his view, withdrawing and nearly turning away from him. He brought her back in a close embrace, preferring to keep her pressed against him since she seemed intent on refusing him a view of her face.

“Are you that determined to conceal your tears from me?” he gently asked her.

“Yes,” she sniffled. “I won’t run away again... just... please don’t look at me right now.”

He let her continue to cry on his shoulder, stroking her hair and her upper back, hoping he could bring her comfort in some small way.

“I’m sorry, Gale,” she said after a while, her voice calm but heavy with congestion. “I’m grateful to you for comforting me, but I also think it’s fucked up for me to ask this of you when you’re the one that’s been ordered to die.”

He chuckled softly. “I assure you, I am voluntarily comforting you and you needn’t apologize. If anyone should apologize, it’s me. I am sorry, to you, for failing to recognize the depth of your feelings for me sooner. For forcing you to pay for my past mistakes. I do wish things could be different, now more than ever.”

“I forgive you, Gale. You deserve to be forgiven. For all of it. And you deserve to live too.”

Now Gale was the one feeling tears well up in his eyes. With a sigh, he pulled Liriel back and held her at arm’s length by her shoulders so he could look her in the eyes.

“Thank you,” he told her sincerely. “For everything, not just your compassionate words in this moment. For being you. For pulling me out of that portal. For not turning me away when you found out just how badly I blundered. For trusting me with your life, and your heart. And, if I may be so frank, for the best damn kiss of my life.”

Her lips trembled slightly, but she managed a smile. “You’re very welcome. Most welcome, one might say.”

He raised an eyebrow at her and easily returned her smile at the memory of the moment they shared in the Weave.

A timid look crossed her face. Gale loved this very cute, very bashful side of her previously unseen by him.

“What is it?” he asked her. “Is there something you wish to ask of me?”

“Yeah,” she replied, “Can I sleep here? That’s probably an absurd idea, since it’s such a small space, and I really do mean cuddling and then sleep-sleep, no sexy stuff, but if you don’t want—”

He cut off her deluge of words with a soft, short, but sweet kiss, of a completely different sort from what they shared before. It was a gesture that was clearly loving and reassuring.

“You are most welcome to stay here with me tonight,” he told her after pulling away from the kiss.

He placed one arm around her and gently guided her to lie down on his bedroll beside him. She curled up against him, laid her head on his chest, and draped an arm across his waist.

“Good night, Gale,” she whispered.

“Good night, Liriel.”

Blissful sleep followed.

[momentocollector]

nothing encapsulates the feeling of persecution and believing that everybody is out to get you, ONLY for you to soon realize there is someone out there who thinks otherwise.

The shock on Loid's face, with the nice touch of the blush below his eyes, the sheer realization that this woman who you don't even know that well tells you that she loves you and appreciates you and is able to trust you with her worries... this is one of many scenes in the series that makes me LOVE the story and characters so much. I cannot describe how painful or emotional I've felt going through this for the first time reading this in the manga.

No words can describe how much this scene ruined me in the manga the first time I read it, and it hasn't changed today. I keep going back to this scene and replaying it because it sums up the themes about doubt and hiding yourself so well.

The fact that Yor sincerely is grateful for Loid's words, while she didn't even know Loid is the same person who interrogated her and wanted to expose her for the bad person she is that she's secretly working against him and this is all a ploy for him to reveal himself as a spy. Only for him to find out that she is harmless and innocent and true to her word and manners.

For her to put so much trust and gratitude and being thankful for Loid comforting her. And the fact that SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW THAT HE TRIED TO SCARE HER INTO EXPOSING HERSELF!!!!! I sound like a broken record but I cannot stress how much it makes me sick in the head.

And Loid is so genuinely taken aback with the way she replied happily. Doubt starts to grow in his mind, and guilt is slowly seeping into his heart. How can he fully accept her thanks when earlier, he was deadset in believing that she had malicious intentions? How can he fully accept her gratitude when she doesn't know that he's the same person who gave her those doubts? He realizes that he's hurt her character and the guilt stings deep as he realizes that there is nothing bad about Yor and he should feel incredibly dumb and pathetic and guilty for even considering it at the first place.

I think this early on is when the feelings Loid has for her is starting to grow bit by bit. And there is nothing he can do about it. Nowhere to run. This woman is going to be the end of him and there is nothing, nothing he can do about it at all. Shes going to make him evaluate every single thing he's ever known about himself.

It hurts. It hurts so bad. I can just talk so much about this scene.

[notjustjavierpena]

OMG!! i need more husband! javi in my life😭 the contrast from him in the show to what couldve been just makes me feel so warm.

i can just imagine how sweet he is to his little family with lucas and ines being so young, he definitely anticipates coming home to them every day with them spilling the stories from their little lives. he loves that when he wakes up early to shower for work, he also gets some time alone with the kids, and get them ready for the day and i feel like he’s just such an engaged father and genuinely care about what their lil minds are thinking.

not only is he a great dad but he’s a MARVELOUS husband… he loves looking after his family but at the end of every night, you know damn well he’s counting down the hours, minutes, and seconds to put the kids down and hold on you. especially now that your pregnant, he loves talking about baby names and things he wants to do differently and try and he wants to be as involved as possible whenever he can.

javi is a family man, what can i say 🤷‍♀️

Baby Names (Drabble)

Series Masterpost | Main Masterpost | Support a disabled creator

A/N: Please, anon. Whoever you are. Please message me, so I can ramble about Husband!Javi to you because this love that you’re displaying fills me with endless joy and inspiration to write more. I’m currently working on two extra pieces for him, and now I cannot wait to show you when I know you are out there reading! ❤️❤️

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader (no y/n)

Word count: 300

Tags: Absolute domestic bliss, soft soft soft, pregnancy

Baby Names

Javier’s favorite past time these days is holding you close in the kitchen when you’ve team worked together on putting the kids to bed. You always handle Lucas so gently, and your husband gets to be in charge of getting Inés Peña, the menace, to brush her teeth. It’s sometimes a struggle to get the toothbrush into her reluctant mouth, but you always say that he handles it beautifully, because they look so alike; she always sports his own attitude to things that she doesn’t want to do. You also think that Javier is the best girl dad you’ve ever seen. It’s very sexy.

And then it’s quiet in the little home you’ve created, and Javier comes up behind you as you are wiping down the kitchen counter after doing the dishes. He snakes his arms around your waist, slots his fingers together, places them under your pregnant belly then lifts.

It rids you of the weight of his baby for just a moment. You sigh contentedly, lets relief wash over you, let out a mhmm.

“I checked, and they’re both asleep soundly,” he notes, still holding your belly up, “Lucas snores a little, you know.”

“Inés told me that she want her baby brother to be called Bandito,” you lean back into his broad, warm chest. It rumbles as he laughs.

“Ay,” he inhales as he rests his nose in your hair, “And here I was going to suggest Mateo or Sebastian, but I think we have a winner.”

“Sebastian? That’s new.”

“¿Te gusta?”

You hum to say yes, then, reluctantly, turn around in his arms so that he has to let go of your belly. You kiss him, softly in the beginning, but pregnancy hormones quickly turn it into something more.

“Asleep you said?” You reach for his belt.

“Won’t hear a thing.”

.

.

If you would like to follow my writing then go follow @notjustjavierpena-fics and turn on notifications 💖❤️

[edgeray]

Ideas Post / WIP (Work in Progress)

This is mainly for me to have a place to write down my ideas somewhere that may potentially be written (and these do not include requests that I've yet done) because I have WAY too much brainrot for Arlecchino. If you would like to go ahead and request one of these ideas to be written / want me to finish a wip, go ahead! If you guys want to request send an ask. I priortise requests, so these WIPs/ideas are put on the back burner unless requested.

To other writers that encounter this post, feel free to use the concepts that I put in my ideas list down below if you feel inspired to to write them :) (no need to credit). I appreciate any and all arlecchino content. Of course, if the same idea is requested on my blog, I will write write even if someone else did.

WIP (Work(s) in Progress) -

Part 2 +3 of "LATE NIGHT DEVIL, PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME"

link to Part 1 here

-> in progress, 9k~ words written

concept: arlecchino promised that they would keep you. they keep their word.

Part 7 and 8 of "ONE HELL OF A BUTLER"

link to series masterlist here

-> concepts have been written down

concept: Part 7 - reader learns of arlecchino's past, including her true name.

concept: Part 8 - reader comes across two orphans during a raid of a criminal's house and takes them in. arlecchino discovers fatherhood.

concept: Part ? - arlecchino and reader makes a bet, and arlecchino loses. reader has a devious plan for arlecchino that may or may not include a maid outfit

[currently unnamed, not posted] Arlevie Fic, Ghost Clervie AU

-> concept has been written down

concept: after clervie dies by peruere's hand, she wakes up as a ghost, able to wander freely but no one can see her. clervie decides to follow peruere, determined that she'll fulfil her promise of seeing the aurora with her. as time passes, clervie gains tangibility little by little, and peruere grows more conscious of the fact that clervie may not be as gone as she thinks she is.

will take name suggestions for this work :)

if requested, only one part will be done per request. like "ONE HELL OF A BUTLER" that is a multi-part series, this likely will also be a multi-part series.

[currently unnamed, not posted] Hurt/Comfort Fic Arlecchino x GN! Reader

-> in progress, 0.6k words written

concept: three years into your relationship with arlecchino, she finally confesses and you learn of her past, gradually. she starts with her true name.

Editing Previous Requests that weren't written as well as I'd like

cannot be requested, but I'd like people to know I'm trying to make an effort to

requests I want to edit: TO BREAK A CURSE, THE SUN SETS AGAIN

Ideas List (cool ass concepts that randomly came to me that I'd love to write if given the opportunity)

These ideas will assume gn! reader unless the requester specifies fem! reader. If I have thought up more of the concept, the arrow -> indicates further explanation of the idea written above. Some of these were ripped from my Arlecchino Oneshots Poll a while ago.

Romantic x Reader's (this is a long list lol, don't ask how I came up with these I genuinely don't know). If you couldn't tell, I am obsessed with this woman.

Idol! Arlecchino x Reader

Consort! Arlecchino x Emperor! Reader

Vampire! Arlecchino x Reader

Vampire Hunter! Arlecchino x Vampire Hunter! Reader

-> concept: you're a young, inexperienced vampire that falls under the cluthes of arlecchino, and you're immediately entranced. instead of killing you, she decides using reader would be more beneficial to her--you don't complain one bit about it.

Demon! Arlecchino x Angel! Reader

-> concept: arleccchino becomes obsessed with you during war, and after the war, arlecchino does anything to be with you. learning of how humans fall in love, arlecchino tricks you into forming a bond, making the two of you as the first demon and angel to experience love.

Fallen Angel! Reader x Reader

-> concept: arlecchino fell from grace-- and fell on your doorstep. now stuck in the human realm, you help her accomodate all while running from revenge thirsty angels and power hungry demons wanting her abilities

CEO! Arlecchino x Secretary! Reader

Professor! Arlecchino x College Student! Reader

Gentleman Thief! Arlecchino x Detective! Reader

Criminal Arlecchino x Detective! Reader

Soulmate AU! Arlecchino x Reader

Hanahaki AU! Arlecchino x Reader

Single DILF! Arlecchino x Babysitter! Reader

Mafia Leader Arlecchino x Assassain Reader

Body Guard Arlecchino x Celebrity Reader

Isekai-ed Arlecchino! x Reader

-> arlecchino dies and gets isekai-ed into your world where she's supposed to just be a fictional character

Modern AU! Cat Shifter! Arlecchino x Reader

-> you find a stray, injured cat. unbeknowst to you, your cat is not actually a cat.

Modern AU! Bunny Shifter! Arlecchino x Reader

-> same idea as the last one, but with bunny arlecchino.

Pirate! Arlecchino x Marine! Reader

-> as a part of the marine, you're supposed to capture and detain pirates. your marine crew abandons you when in a crisis, and you learn that pirates aren't so bad when the house of the hearth takes you in.

Foreign Prince Arlecchino x Princex! Reader

Knight! Arlecchino x Princex/Ruler! Reader

Streamer! Arlecchino x Reader

Historical AU! Goddess! Arlecchino x Follower! Reader

-> arlecchino is the goddess of death among other things. you regularly pray and give offerings to arlecchino, wishing for a painless death. as her most loyal follower, she watches you closely and appears in your time of need

Spiderwoman! Arlecchino x Reader

Cowboy! Arlecchino x Reader

Platonic x Reader's

Arranged Marriage AU! Arlecchino x Reader

Arlecchino x Biological Child! Reader

-> you inherit your father's curse. she helps you with its effects

Young! Arlecchino x Young! Reader

-> moments between arlecchino, clervie, and you at the house of the hearth

Arlecchino x Guardian! Reader

-> you learn of the house of the hearth's terrible 'mother.' after beating her up, you steal away all the children away from the fatuiand end up adopting the bunch of kids, including the two most closested lesbians you've ever seen (arlecchino and clervie)

Arlecchino x Child! Reader

-> Married Arlevie with reader as their child.

Alien! Arlecchino x Human! Reader

-> a few decades ago, humanity learned of faster than light technology and becomes apart of the intergalatic society with other planets and alien species. you, a human used as a test subject, escape and latch onto the closest ship to get away. the crew of the house of the hearth warms ups to you, and arlecchino and clervie adopts you into their already massive collection of stray alien orphans

Arlecchino x Harbinger! Reader

-> reader is requested by pierro to teach arlecchino what it means to be a Fatui Harbinger.

Arlecchino Ships (arlevie, arlebina)

Modern AU! Arlecchino x Clervie

Arlecchino x Alive! Knave! Clervie

Soulmate AU! Arlecchino x Clervie

Goddess of Death! Arlecchino x Goddess of Life! Clervie

SpyXFamily AU! Arlecchino x Clervie

[gracie7209]

Amaryllis Epilogue

Pairing: Frankie x f!Reader

Word Count: 1.8K

Warnings: Fluff, fluff, fluffy-fluff, reflection- (of more than one sort? I’m on one today. Don’t mind me lol), happiness, loved ones, we get to meet Reader’s momma! (Her English isn’t great so we will see her and Reader speaking Spanish) tiny sliver of angst? Lemme know if I forgot anything!

Summary: Just before your lives are set to change yet again, you and Frankie each get a moment alone to reflect on how life has brought you to where you are now. Santi saves the day yet again!

A/N: Guys…… This is it! We have officially officially reached the end of this story and I’m a whole mess of emotions. The has been such a labor of love and learning for me. It’s my very first fic and also the very first piece of writing I have ever shared with anyone. As previously mentioned, I have several new WIPs and I cannot WAIT to get to work on them! For everyone who has commented, liked, reblogged, asked questions or shown even the tiniest bit of love for my little story, I just want to thank you with everything I have. I have wanted to write since I was little, but could never put pen to paper until I forced myself to write a little 100 word Drabble, which literally turned into this series. The Pedro fandom alone has literally changed my life in so many ways and I will forever be grateful. So anyways....... Thank you all so much!!!!

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

When he sees himself in the mirror, Frankie is all nerves.

Checking and rechecking his hair, making sure his tie isn’t crooked… worrying the little patch in his scruffy beard that refuses to fill in.

His palms are sweating and his stomach is doing flips, but he’s unbelievably HAPPY.

He never thought he would be here. Never thought he would ever want to be doing this, but you had changed his way of thinking in more ways than one.

It had always terrified him to feel as though he were tied to something. Or so he thought…

In reality, he never felt he was worth enough for someone to ever want to be tied to him. The things he had done, the horrors he’d seen? The nightmares he still endured would run off anyone who might be even the slightest bit interested. Damaged…

Valid.

He was damaged. There was no way to come out from that other side and not be. But to those who weren’t there? Ones who could never understand what he’d been through? They would only pity him and he didn’t want that.

He just wanted understanding. Wanted someone to accept him as he was, without trying to fix him.

And then there was you. You never looked at him like he was damaged. You knew about things and yet you never held anything against him. You knew the atrocities he’d seen and those he had committed, yet you never backed away from him or looked down on him.

From the beginning, Frankie felt a connection to you. He didn’t know what you’d been through at the time, but there was an understanding there - “We’re not defined by our experiences Frankie,” you’d tell him.

“We simply learn from our mistakes, grow into better people, and if we are genuine, that’s all that really matters. —You yourself told me something similar at one time, remember?”

Frankie smirks at the memory. Shaking his head, as he gets back to the task at hand.

...

He doesn’t think he can tie it any better, so he takes one final look, takes a deep breath and smiles at himself in the oversized mirror. Just a small half smile, knowing that what he was about to do was going to change his life forever….

And he was ready.

—

It doesn’t start to sink in until about ten minutes beforehand that you are actually going to marry Frankie today. You’re in the small guest room, waiting for your mother to stop fussing over you already and to let you look in the mirror. “Mija, todo tiene que ser perfecta!” (Everything has to be perfect)

“Mamà, está bien... ¿puedo mirar ahora? Ya casi es hora de irse..." (It’s ok….. can I look now? It’s almost time to go…)” There’s no malice in your tone as your mouth turns up into a silly smile that you just can’t seem to hold back.

“Ah, si mi hermosa luz, creo que estes lista. Ven agora, and a y mira.”(Ah yes my beautiful light, I believe you are ready. Come now, go ahead and look.)

You stand up and slowly walk over to the full length mirror. The look on your face doesn’t at all match the sheer joy you feel in your chest. The initial shock wears off, but the weight of the moment hits you then; You’re marrying Frankie today. This incredible man who barreled his way into your life and decided he wanted to stay.

To see yourself in your mother’s wedding gown and jewelry, knowing that Frankie was waiting for you had your eyes welling up with tears. You silently prayed they stayed put as your mother had fussed with your makeup for a small eternity and Lord help you if you messed it up. So, you forced the tears back, albeit they were happy, joyous, singing to the choir tears that would surely fall once everything was said and done. You were more certain now in this choice, in Frankie, than at any other time in your life..

You gave yourself one final look in the mirror before turning back to your mother. Grabbing her small hands in yours and kissing her forehead, you silently thanked her for everything she had done for you; today and everyday.

“Ok Mija?”

“Si Mamà, Estoy lista.” (Yes, I’m ready.)

—

The ceremony was modest, with only close family and friends in attendance, but you were blessed beyond reason.

Those in attendance included your mother, who had brought along your Aunt and your two little cousins all the way from Cuba. You hadn’t seen her in ages, and this was the first time you’d gotten the chance to meet the little ones.

Frankie’s Mom and Step-Dad had flown in from Texas along with his older sister, which had been a surprise to the both of you, having never gotten to meet them prior. They welcomed you with nothing but warmth and love. Your previous apprehension at making a good impression, falling away the moment his mother wrapped you in her arms as she introduced herself.

She also took little to no time in latching onto your and soon-to-be Frankie’s son, her Grandson. Who she happily spoiled rotten from the get go and volunteered to be in charge of during the ceremony, giving your own mother a well deserved break as she had been deemed (by herself) as the primary babysitter.

And of course, Santi, Will and Benny were front and center. They would’ve all been groomsmen if you and Frankie had decided to have a wedding party. Instead you both opted for just a simple service. Santi would still supply the rings, but aside from the preacher, it would only be you and Frankie standing at the altar.

—

It was time.

You took a deep breath in, and let it out slowly as you turned the small corner to make your way to Frankie.

As you slowly made your way down the aisle, you didn’t expect to become breathless at the sight before you.

The expectation was that, the Bride-to-be would walk in and a hush would wash itself throughout the room. All eyes on her as she made her way to alter to join her fiancé.

You were sure your anxiety would rear its ugly head at being the center of attention, and had tried to give yourself a pep talk before walking inside. However, the moment you laid eyes on Frankie, you nearly stopped in your tracks.

You realized at that moment that you had never seen Frankie wear anything remotely resembling dress attire, let alone a suit and tie.

It was always jeans and a t-shirt, jacket when necessary and work boots… always work boots. He looked good on any given day and there had never been an occasion up until that point for him to “dress up.” But, you couldn’t take your eyes off of him…

His hair was still a disheveled mess of curls that you loved to run your fingers through. Not too long, but long enough that the ends would curl behind his ears. He just wouldn’t be Frankie without them, so you were grateful he didn’t try to tame them back. He was also wearing his glasses, which he had been trying to wear more and more these days as he couldn’t stand to wear his contacts after having gone without them for so long.

His tux was your normal coat and pants, but completely white, with a black bowtie and shoes with a shine that could blind a person if they got too close. You don’t think you have ever seen someone so beautiful in your life and he was yours.

You had managed to keep your pace steady all the way to the alter, even though you had half a mind to just run and get yourself there that much faster. Your mother was waiting up front to take your bouquet and give you over to the man you truly wanted to spend your life with. She kissed your cheek before turning to Frankie and offering him your hand. As he took it she wrapped both yours and Frankie’s hands in hers, saying she loved you both and giving a firm squeeze before letting you go and sitting back down at her seat in the front.

Frankie took both of your hands and whispered from under his messy bangs, “Are you ready?”

You couldn’t speak so you just nodded, trying not to cry before the preacher even had a chance to talk.

You tried to concentrate on the words being said, the prayer being read to the audience, but you could only focus on Frankie’s smile and his thumbs rubbing reassuring circles into your hands. You didn’t know why you were so nervous, but ultimately, it didn’t matter. Frankie was sure as stone and after you both repeated your vows and placed the rings on each others’ fingers, Frankie lifted your veil, seeing your lips quirk up into a smile and he kissed you. In front of all of the people who mattered to you the most in this world.

His kiss was equal parts strong and soft with his hand coming to your cheek while the other wrapped around your waist. You didn’t dip, but he held almost all of your weight as he put his entire life into that kiss. Letting you and everyone else know that you were it for him.

—

When you both came up for air, there was nothing but big smiles and happy tears from everyone around. Benny was hooping and hollering, and even Will had his hand to his mouth letting out a piercing whistle that echoed throughout the church. Santi was clapping along with the others, with an almost forlorn expression that seamlessly slipped back into a playful smile once Benny clapped him on the shoulder, joining in with everyone else in raining congratulations on the happy couple. Frankie took your hand and raised them both entwined up toward the sky as you walked back down the aisle, side by side, as husband and wife. The both of you more than ready to begin this new chapter in your lives.

Together.

—

—

Two hours earlier -

“Rings, rings…. Uh, shit!” Santi is looking around frantically, shuffling papers and patting down his pockets, seemingly having misplaced the rings he was in charge of.

“Haha, very funny pendejo…. Now’s really not the time to be fuckin’ around…” Frankie’s voice is playful, but when he looks over at Santi, he sees the panic starting to set in.

“Fuck man, seriously? You had one job… !” Frankie is pacing now alongside Santi as they both desperately search for the missing rings.

“Wait!! Wait, oh! Shit haha, we’re good, we’re good, man. We're fine, everything's fine... I just left them on the kitchen table after I grabbed the mail this morning. I only live like ten minutes away from here, I’ll be right back!”

“Jesus Pope! I about lost my goddamn ass over here man… Shit, just go grab them and come straight back, ok?”

“Alright, alright…. You need anything else while I’m out?”

“For fucks sake Pope! Just go!”

“Yep, yep on it!” At that, Santi runs out the door, leaving Frankie to his thoughts for the moment.

He sits down on the little couch in the sitting area and puts his head in his hands. He’s nervous and he wants this day to go perfectly, but he actually starts to laugh when he thinks about the circumstances.

All of this fuss over rings, when in reality, they were just a symbol. A token to show the world that you were his person, and he was yours. And even if Pope had lost them, it honestly wouldn’t change a thing. He was marrying you today, with or without a ring, and he could hardly wait.

—

It only takes Santi about eight minutes to get to his place. Possibly breaking a few speed limits to do so, but he did not want to be the cause of something ruining this day for either of you.

He goes inside and sees the ring boxes sitting right there on the table next to the untouched pile of mail. He lets out a deep breath, muttering under his breath, "Thank you, God!" Checking inside each box, making absolutely sure he had everything before putting them safely in his jacket pocket. Picking up the stack of mail, he quickly skims through it out of habit. Finding an envelope in the mix with only his name and address handwritten on the front with no return address.

He carefully opens it, revealing a small slip of folded paper. On the inside is a jumbled set of numbers and symbols…

Ones that he recognizes instantly—

—

—

Coordinates.

Coordinates to the money stolen out of the walls of Lorea’s house before it was burned to the ground. Money that was dumped in a ravine to get rid of extra weight that made flying too dangerous. Coordinates that only he, Will, and Benny knew about. Aside from one other person.

Tom.

Tom had found the money.

—

—

Taglist: @boliv-jenta @just-here-for-the-moment @quica-quica-quica @heythere-mel @sunnysidekit @dashavau @queridopascal @queridopascal-main @hnt-escape @rhoorl @readingiskeepingmegoing @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @bitchwitch1981 @jb2856 @mymo-n @littlemisspascal @tanzthompson @luciferiorbxtch @spookyxsam @imaswellkid @harriedandharassed @autumnleaves1991-blog @wildemaven @pastelnap @pimosworld @alwaysdjarin

A/N: Whoops!

*But seriously, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all for reading. It absolutely means the world to me 🥹

[that-ari-blogger]

The Episode That Needs No Introduction

This is a post about Promise. And I could end this introduction here and you would know what I'm talking about. Because Promise is the episode that made She-Ra and the Princesses of Power. Before this episode, this is a war story, with an abusive parent figure and a femme fatale that the hero will have to overcome and befriend respectively.

Even two episodes prior, in the darkest episode up to that point, this was still a war story. The stakes were barely personal.

Promise is when that changes, and this series becomes psychological. Or rather, reveals just how psychological it has been the entire time.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Promise is one of the most well written episodes of television out there, to the point where several top ten lists for She Ra actively exclude it because it is too obvious of a choice. TheGamer.Com calls it "a masterstroke of emotional storytelling". Meanwhile, Five By Five Takes' video, She Ra's Internal Trilogy is a powerful analysis of Promise in the context of the whole series and is genuinely what inspired me to create this blog in the first place. Promise is good cinema.

I'm going to start with that opening sequence, because it summarises all three characters and their arcs masterfully. Light Hope responds to She-Ra but ignores Adora. Catra is desperate for Adora, but despises She-Ra. So, our protagonist is pulled in both directions, by others and by herself. You get all this from the emotionless dialogue from Light Hope, despite it not stating it directly, and from Catra's expressions.

I am aware that this robot specifically isn't technically Light Hope, but Light Hope is the entire system, so I consider this robot a part of that.

Even here, there is a dichotomy between the characters. Catra and Light Hope are opposites, where one says only kind things, but her actions betray a more Machiavellian nature, the other's words are hurtful, but despite herself, she cannot help but show a kindness. Exhibit A: The last time these two saw each other, Catra was giving Adora back the sword.

There is also the emotionless vs ball of anger in a vaguely humanoid shape parallel, but that is mainly superficial.

This training scene is cool because it gives us yet another look behind the curtain at Catra's psyche. Take a look at these two lines, back to back.

"Way to gang up on me!"

"No, I'm fine. You're just lucky I let you win."

Catra puts up a brave face to impress people and to cover up for herself. But look who she is saying that to. Catra wants desperately to show off to Adora. She has no interest in showing strength to Shadow Weaver at this point, her defiance isn't fueled by that.

The one person at this point in the story that Catra has been shown trying to impress is Adora. It gets mentioned that she does things to gain Hordack's favour, but we never actually see that, and her words are far from trustworthy.

It is also notable that the first thing Catra tries to do is scream for Adora when she's met with the spider. It's instinctual, and there's something to that.

Because... is it instinctual? I've talked about Catra's character design in the past, focusing on the symmetry, but I took care to not mention her stand out quality. Catra's animalistic physical appearance is a metaphor for one of her strongest themes, instinct vs choice.

It is possible to make a case on almost every single one of Catra's actions for either instinct or choice. Is she instinctively caring for Adora, but choosing not to? Or is she desperately trying to be kind, and instinctively rejecting that? I am partial to the second idea, but it could quite reasonably be either. The story doesn't at any point make the answer clear, which is a strength of the writing.

An instinct is a behaviour that you do not think about, not necessarily one you are born with. For example, flinching when something flies by your face is an instinctive behaviour, but so is lashing out when feeling threatened. Some compulsions and addictions function like this. And I think that Shadow Weaver's manipulation has caused Catra to develop these behaviours. Catra has been raised to instinctively push away affection, or to stay silent when feeling love of her own.

Shadow Weaver physically abuses a child in this scene. That is objectively what this is. The fact that this is magical is the only thing that let the writers get this through censorship. But I want to be clear here, this is not simply punishing misbehaviour, this is not tough love, this is not building strength. Shadow Weaver physically abuses a child in this scene.

And this is favouritism as well, Shadow Weaver could have cast her spell and frozen both Adora and Catra or reprimanded them both. But she chose to torture Catra exclusively.

However, favouritism and privilege are two different things. In this case, they are unrelated. Again, there are so many ways Shadow Weaver could have done this. She could have let Adora go, but she kept her, and made her watch.

"Adora, you must do a better job of keeping her under control. Do not let this happen again."

This is a statement. It says: "this is what affection gets you, pain".

Shadow Weaver is at her lowest in this scene. She isn't introduced as a terrifying threat like in episode one. This Shadow Weaver is frail and unmasked. She is breathing heavily, and exhausted. This is who Shadow Weaver is, truly.

Michaelangelo is attributed the following quote:

"All I did was chip away at everything that didn't look like David."

In truth, Michaelangelo probably never said this, and Quote Investigator references the line's evolution in this source, up to its current form, first published in 1974 in the Boston American Herald. In any case, you can apply this to characters in fiction. If you take away everything that isn't that character, what do you get. What is the element that stops this character from feeling out of character.

Redemption arcs often struggle with this, as the single essential element is usually their motivations, and in a shallow villain, switching sides can make them feel out of character. Spoilers for Avatar: The Last Airbender (Skip to the next paragraph if you want to avoid those), but one big reason for why Zuko's redemption arc works so well is that his villainy isn't his essential element, that's his drive for honour.

So, what is Shadow Weaver's core attribute? When you take away her schemes and her power and her mask? Who is she? The answer to that is simple: Shadow Weaver is cruel.

Rise Of The Guardians presents the idea of a person's centre, and it fits this concept really well. Cinema therapy has a video dissecting the subject, and it comes down to this: Your centre is the thing that makes you who you are. In the Ship of Theseus question, your centre is the one plank of wood that makes it the same ship. You can change some important things about yourself, but if you keep this, you fundamentally remain yourself.

With that said, what is Catra's centre? This isn't a rhetorical question, I'm genuinely not sure. I think it's her empathy, for good or evil. But again, I'm not sure. Let me know.

There is actually a chance to find this centre in Promise. And it's here:

"Catra, wait. I'm sorry for leaving... You could come with me! You could join the rebellion! I know you're not a bad person, Catra. You don't belong with the Horde."

This is everything Catra wants, it's an apology. It's an affirmation of friendship and love. And you see her genuinely consider the chance. But unfortunately, Light Hope steps in to tear them apart.

Because Light Hope is also manipulative. She wants everything Shadow Weaver wants, specifically control. She tries to mould She-Ra into her weapon just like Shadow Weaver, and she tries to tear her away from Catra in the same way. That's why she chooses this specific memory, because she knows it will hurt the most. Because she knows it will tear them apart.

Both Shadow Weaver and Light Hope know that an isolated Adora is an easy She-Ra to manipulate. Because the one thing neither of them can possibly account for in their plans is love.

Light Hope is named to reassure, to give Adora some sense of trust there, and it works. Because She-Ra is a story about hope, and about finding it in others.

But here is an important distinction. Others don't give you hope, you do that to yourself. Others can inspire you, or connect with you, or kindle that flame. But at the end of the day, hope is something you give yourself. Someone claiming to be your only hope can just as easily be seeking to control you. A lighthouse might lead you to a shore, but a fake flame over dangerous waters could sink your ship.

Those final two conversations are infamous amongst the fandom, and for good reason. This is the worst parts of both characters being brought out. Adora and her hero complex, and Catra with her emotion. Both good features in certain circumstances, but in the wrong place, they can create a wedge. Light Hope has precision engineered the exact circumstances needed for that wedge to crack their relationship so she can take advantage of the wreckage.

Final Thoughts

This was a difficult post for me to write for two reasons.

First, what can you say about Promise that hasn't been said before a hundred times? This the quintessential episode of She Ra and almost everyone in the fandom has weighed in on the subject. So, finding something original to add was an interesting experience.

But second, this episode has a reputation for a reason. I've said before that the greatest strength of this series is its humanity, and that is made even more obvious by Promise. There are real people who have had conversations like the one in the corridor. There are real people who have experienced what Shadow Weaver's behaviours are an allegory for. If you stripped away the magic from these scenes, they would play out almost exactly the same.

The reason the series overall is so powerful, is that it tells you that things will be bad, behaviours have consequences, trauma hurts you and people around you. But it also tells you that there is always hope. There will always be someone willing to offer you a hand of genuine kindness, and over time, that can change you. She-Ra gives people hope.

I'm away next Friday. But I'll be back in the new year with some analysis of Light Hope

Previous - Next

[yuseirra]

I've been REALLY careful about making assumptions about hikaai before 154 happened you know? I couldn't even phrase what Ai had towards him as "love" with conviction since what happened between them is really serious and it tackles what could happen in real-life. I see many news about domestic violence lately and it makes me SO NERVOUS!!;; I know I have to separate fiction from reality and I get that but there are things I don't really want to misinterpret and depict in a rosy light, it's always better to understand what's going on to get a proper standpoint on things

but if I'm the author, I'd definitely not write the story like this if Hikaru actually IS utterly responsible for what he claims he's done. He can personally repent for his sins and suffer all he wants, but before that, he needs to get held accountable and get proper punishment within the story. (He might later.. but so far, it's been handled pretty lightly compared to the severity of the incident)

but we see Ai actually having wanted to stay in the relationship in that chapter. She goes as far as to say she wanted to live with him, forever, and she was scared she'd hurt him but couldn't give up on their children because she wanted to raise their kids and share HIS burden together, that's very loving of her. I think he'd probably have treated her pretty well for someone like her to open up and wish to care for him that deeply. Ai is loving, but she thought she's full of lies and she doesn't think so highly of herself. She was always a bit distant and held her true self back. However, she actively went out of her way to try and help Hikaru when he was with her, and she's still concerned about him. It's the one relationship she really wanted to keep but couldn't. In that particular chapter we find that everything she did was for his sake, not hers, and I don't think such a relationship could have happened without some sort of mutual affection. And his reaction towards seeing all that? He takes it in, remains speechless, and he vows to do something for her.

That's what's sold this ship for me because if I were the writer of this story, I would not try to frame an abuser/perpetrator/someone who's instigated a crime this way. What's said to have happened shouldn't be dismissed that way but it did; and if I, a mere reader feels so, I feel the author would have put more thought into it while coining the scenes. Something's probably left undiscussed and there could be more to it than catches the eye.

The only thing I can really tell at this point is that they really did love and care about each other, but it didn't really come across while they were both alive and he still loves her?

and with the songs being like :

"Ah, I was finally able to say it These words are definitely not a lie I love you"<I think this is not only directed towards the twins but to Ai's fans AND Hikaru

"If all my desires came true, oh, how I wish I could attain that I want to see you I wish upon the stars"

"Without you, I cannot live anymore I would sacrifice anything for you I can’t get enough of your love What should I use to fill in what’s missing?

Keep your eyes on me, my dearest fatale!"

it's just so intense!!;;

I really want the guy who Ai's chosen to love that much live up to it. It'd make sense if the story's that way because what would the story accomplish by trying to depict a guy who played a active part in her death as someone who's "loved" her? You can't call something that love, it's selfish. But they're both trying to "give away" and make sacrifices for each other. I believe that IS what love is in its essence. Love is all about giving, and the songs for this series does have that sort of spirit(despite it being really desperate and a bit blindly at doing so) And Ai's life was all about loving, forming a true and genuine sort of relationship, it'd feel so wrong if the one she says was the first person she really wanted to love's backstabbed her like that. I have a feeling she'd be able to send her love towards her fans and her lover and get a meaningful type of love as her closure, may it be years after she's gone away, she'll get that eventually. That'd be a nice way to wrap up her story.

So I'm waiting out a little, if Hikaru is really guilty about what's happened to Ai.. then I want the story to revisit and handle that aspect properly because it's something that can really hurt people and it did also for the characters in the story,

If it isn't.. it makes way more sense for me of seeing Ai care so much for this character. That whole sequence is so loving... wouldn't it be kind of cruel on Ai if the writer decided to make her sympathize so dearly with someone who caused her to get murdered like that? It's not a really good example to show, either, what's needed here is not just forgiveness and love but some firmness about wrongdoing. The message HAD to end with her mentioning her wish to help him along with the children she had with him, it didn't HAVE to be there, but the writer put that in as the last bit. That's something that's been lingering in my mind for awhile. It's probably a device.

I can still appreciate the characters and the story, but I would really like it if the writers do end up tackling it in the way I anticipate..

[royallygray]

Scar HC S10E12

actually welcome to Scar Says Sus Stuff

this was supposed to be me talking about my favorite parts or parts I want to share but it's just the sus parts and several things that I specifically liked

like. a rly in depth AO3 comment except with a YouTube video.

spoilers for his video

(I haven't watched most of scar's episodes so far)

-- --

1:01 "grant me access to the hole" scar. scar please. your wording. fix it. but also never change we love you but oh my god SCAR

it is actually triggering me that he's just casually on three hearts. my man PLEASE EAT

3:53 "I'm gonna wait for [Grian] inside of his mouth"

5:38 "well now Skizz and my bits are all mixed together"

6:06 "I fall for it EVERY time, by the way" -Skizz. I love Scar and Skizz, the two gullible-est people bonding over how they're gullible. It's genuinely somehow wholesome.

6:20 "something of substance was gonna come from this"

6:44 SKIZZ COME ON MAN I HAD FAITH IN YOU WHAT THE HECK

6:51 There was PASSION in this. Scar go off on them YEAH

7:33 how did I know he was gonna be one block off. rip scar you tried o7

7:40 "he didn't get inside my hole at all" SCAR.

8:17 "we could get six horns" the word horns sounds like hoards. and also kind of the other word.

8:39 (for one frame) the inside of scars face is cursed

10:17 THAT WAS SMOOTH THAT WAS SO SMOOTH IM OBSESSED??? SCAR YOURE A MAGICIAN. A WIZARD. THAT SNAP. IM OBSESSED.

but also. scar. why do you have a tnt minecart as decoration. scar I don't have high hopes for this room. scar you come from the Life series. scar. it's gonna die. someone's gonna shoot it with a flame bow I guarantee it

10:46 LMAO the way he tried to say cartographer sounds so. like. idk endearing or smth idk. Like he tried to breathe in and talk at the same time.

11:05 "I've just realized I kind of look like a composter" that is the entire clip by the way. all you out of context makers, I need that in there. idk if it'll be as funny as it is in here, because seriously, the delivery of having literally no other context other than it just being a random thought that popped into Scar's head is so funny to me

11:41 scar at the goat horn shop what will he do. I'm not mad scar. I think you're an adult who is making decisions with their fictional money. and you deserve it. you deserve that goat horn.

11:52 I lied put it back

12:44 WAIT YOURE GONNA PUT TURTLES AND DOLPHINS IN HERE THATS SICK I LOVE IT

in seventh grade we did an essay on whether zoos are good or bad and while I do love scars character in this I literally cannot stop thinking about it :(

13:15 SCAR THAT WAS TOO SMOOTH I--OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THATS SUCH A COOL TRANSITION AND ALSO THE SOUND EFFECT OH MY GODSSSSS

ALSO YOU SWIRLED TO SUCH A COOL NEW THING WHAT THE HECK WOW LIKE OKAY

wait oh my god it's a sink?? the water and lava?? oh my god??

14:55 damn Gem and Grian's spike has grown

15:35 scar I don't think you remember where your stuff is in the first place. at least like this it'll look cool. although the underground weird chest monster has character and I actually kinda like it in the same way that I like when my floor is a mess because it just feels inhabited and has personality

15:58 oh my god scar you transition god

16:33 scar why are you there

16:35 Etho I appreciate you LMAO

17:19 Etho have you seen Skizz's storage. it's. bad. like. it is worse than Scar's. Genuinely. It gives me pain.

17:25 THE PEARL DOORS. THE BOATEM PEARL DOORRSSSS also scar going through the middle even tho Etho literally opened the other door for him LMAO

17:32 ah yes dig when there is an entrance yes yes

17:43 honey roofs. I see you're obsessed with Joel's gift mr. slab.

this scene is actually amazing. I've never seen Etho and scar interact 1 on 1 (I don't watch a lot of Scar, and I have watched Etho a total of approximately once. his videos are rly long) and also just. Etho's system is so cool.

also Etho's storage system is adorable :D

I like both storage systems. Etho's is significantly more functional (and less likely to explode, scar that minecart is making me wary) but I really enjoy the aesthetic of Scar's.

thank you for coming to Royal says stuff, go watch scar's video, it's great.

[wolfiemcwolferson]

Helllllooooo, I was tagged by @duquesademiel and also @vicsy and I feel a bit deranged but here we go.

1. How many works do you have on ao3

I have 73 fics up on my f1 ao3 account.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 

Please do not judge me for this, god, oh my god - 1,331,441

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I currently write for F1.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

well we can settle down (Maxiel)

I remember when I met you just before September (Carlando)

so take it from me (Carlando)

I will wait for you at the end love (Maxiel)

I feel your body call on me (Piarles)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do not respond to comments and it makes me feel really horribly guilty. To be honest, I did not do it when I first joined the fandom because I was overwhelmed and then I wanted to and it was too long and I think one of the things I want to do is start...responding to comments...I just never know what to say.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think it's this Carlando. But you just have to read it. Trust me.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I don't think I can answer that because I am a certified happy ending writer. I have a few fics that I desperately want to write that I won't because they're not happy endings, but if I have to pick...it's got to be the Blue Neighbourhood series. That's a complete circle ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no one has ever left me explicit hate on my fics. some of y'all get wild in my inbox which is why I don't have anon on

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes. Uh. I don't know how to answer that.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not a big fan of crossovers <- Vicsy is right

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No and I made a Wattpad account after Briony had one of her Maxiel fics posted to there for the second time and now I religiously check because I am deranged

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge - wait, once Sol said for exam practice she was translating bits of my fic and I had a little cry about it but it's not posted anywhere.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

HAVE I EVER. I genuinely have too many to individually tag, but I have written with @river-ocean in the past and I am currently posting the Alphabet Dating Season fic with @chaesonghwas and @duquesademiel - and we all know that Sol and I are always always always writing fic together. I have something in the works with someone else and I think it's a secret, so I won't say anything about that. And then @miamierre and I are literally putting the finishing touches on the promised insane fic we cooked up together and I cannot wait for you all to see it. This is the year of collabs for me and I'm loving it tbh

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Despite the stats on my fics

Piarles

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have a fic for an old fandom that is languishing away and I feel guilty about it because it was good

16. What are your writing strengths?

I write fast.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I suffer from "can't shut up" and sometimes my fics don't need to be a long fic.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I am so so so nervous about it. everything that I write I double and triple check and I still get it wrong a lot of the time. I think it's fine and people should do whatever the fuck they want.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter because of course

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

This answer literally changes every single day. Today it's the sugarbaby fic that I wrote for Phoebe because I am very very proud of that fic and I think if you hold it against the stuff I was writing two years ago, you really see how far I've come as a writer.

Everyone tagged in this that hasn't already done it should do it, but I'm also going to tag @gaynfl

[samarecharm]

geniunely not trying to put words in ur mouth im geniunely asking: what do you actually like about persona 5? from all ur rants im just wondering why you didnt drop the game bc it seems (again, im not trying to put words in ur mouth) that it simply not for you? i geniunely have not felt any of the issues you bring up outside of the writing ones and i cannot tell if i'm just easily pleased and not good at discerning what a good game is or we simply have dif things we enjoy in a video game. i hate getting tone across text but im asking out of geniune curiosity im not trying to attack your opinion (;-;)

Nah, i dont feel like ur attacking me, and I hope u dont feel the same when u see my complaints! Lmao. In my defense, I am replaying the game for the first time after completing my first file back in 2020, so alot of the faults i kinda shrugged off in my first playthrough are now glaringly in my face now that I no longer have the confusion and interest in learning the main story to keep me occupied. The game is clunky all the way through, and at some times, even frustratingly so.

But despite that, i do like this game. Alot! Its probably one of my top games ever if im being honest!

This ended up way longer than I intended, so im putting it under a readmore to keep the post short on dashboards

If i had to describe what I liked about the game in the simplest way imaginable…I think I would say, I like how the game makes me feel :) I like the music. I like the vibe. I like the immersion from city to city, and I like the premise! I like the characters and I like the connections you make with these characters! As im replaying this game, i am most excited to see Akira and his comments about the world :) i like hearing everyones voices, I like their little interactions in Mementos, and I like seeing them fight!

P5 is the first game I played in the series; its the game that introduced me to SMT in the first place! And it (smt) is a series that my longtime best friend LOVES and never thought hed be able to share with me! It is a game i keep very near to my heart; it has influenced me in ways i did not think would happen in the short couple of years since i first finished it. It genuinely keeps me awake some nights thinking about the world this game has created, and I think that is a testament to the impact its had, be it good or bad.

The joke about wishing theyd make a persona game that was Good is that despite all of its numerous flaws, the games manage to snatch your attention and pull you in anyway. Imagine if they made a game that had all of those things that i mentioned I loved, but done Right and executed Properly?? Where I got to have a story that made sense and didnt need to be spoonfed to me (in like an HOUR of dialogue and scenes; an HOUR!), and characters that talked and bonded beyond the tiny snippets of interaction theyre allowed to have in mementos? Combat that let me use PERSONAS i liked instead of BUILDS that stop me from getting instakilled throughout the entirety of the endgame, and a Persona building mechanic that didnt feel like I was shooting in the dark looking for possible fusions that end up not even being useful in the endgame.

Ive mentioned it before, but I complain so much bc I have seen what a good p5 game looks like, and its Strikers almost to a T. Combat is still your typical warriors-esque style combat, but it is at least different from the turn based strategy of the main game. Characters talk to each other freely, they hang out and comfort each other in a way that feels more connected that the base game. Strikers implements the ability to see ALL possible fusions with ALL registered personas, not just the ones in your Stock, so you can fuse easily without having yo consult a guide. The story feels like it makes SENSE with antagonists that feel morally grey and sympathetic. Genuinely, alot of the complaints for p5 I had were almost immediately rectified in this game.

But please also know that the praises I sing for this game is only bc of the groundwork laid by p5 and the world it created. Thats what I like about this game, that it had such a captivating premise and cast of characters, that a DIFFERENT company was able to hit the ground running with them. P5 had alot happening in that game, but i think what it had most was potential. The effort put into this game is astronomical, and the possible connections you can outright MISS if u arent paying attention was worth the money and time to implement; even if it meant that it could be considered a waste of resources to higher ups.

Books and games and part time jobs???!! Silly little cutscenes that add nothing to the game PLOTwise, but define and flesh out the personality of your protagonist. There was alot of love put into this game, and its evident by the fact that we have NOT seen a new persona game released; they bank on existing titles bc they are unwilling to make a game like this from scratch again. They dont want to ‘waste’ resources on good voice acting and a complex, overarching story; they dont want to waste money on scenes a player may never see, on routes a player may never get to experience. Making a game that gives u even the slightest bit of freedom means more money in programming and detailing that freedom. This has been an issue for a WHILE, and its a miracle that the gaming landscape had space for a colossal title like p5!

I complain bc I want better, and I do not think that is inherently at odds with my love of this game. In b4 im told to get good; ive played on hard and tested out merciless (its NOT fun, im making godbuilds again and its boring 😞). Its not the most accessible turnbased rpg; theres no colorblind modes, and the affinity system is convoluted and overwhelming. Combo moves are hard to keep track of and it can be incredibly frustrating to see your turns being skipped or seeing characters take extreme technical damage without understanding WHY it happened. The fact that they KNEW the game was desperate for qol improvements by the time royal came out, and instead of updating the base game to have those improvements too, they just pushed the royal edition out for people to play instead. It sucks! Customers and fans deserve better than being forced to shell out money for a game they already played !

As the gaming climate gets more and more hostile and unbearable, I think it is good to look at your games critically, and understand why products come out subpar. Persona 5 is a fun game that has a nice cast and an interesting premise, but it is ultimately tied down by its refusal to build on existing building blocks regarding its combat, and it insists on having insulting and downright out of character dialogue and scenes to appease the audience its designed to be targeted to. It is easy to forget sometimes that queer ppl are infact NOT the prime target of these games, its cishet gamer bros from aged 16 to 40 who will laugh at homophobic comments, who drool over a 16 yr old girl with a 16 yr old mindset and a grown womans body, who need to be placated with constant sexual comments to deal with a convoluted story that will inevitably make zero sense until its laid out for you before the literal end of the game.

Its bad. Its good. Its so shallow and its unbelievable that they thought having the plot twist make ZERO sense until they showed CUTSCENES of YOUR character discussing Goro and his connections to the metaverse for endgame SHOCK VALUE was more important than just having your team be smart and piece it together over time. Its shit. Its literally amazing. It let you FUCK your teacher ??????????????what the FUCK. They also let me shoot a god in the face w the best looking ult persona in the world so i can ignore that shit. And ultimately that is how i got through the game. Lol.

[amberskywrites]

Just Leave A Comment Fest Stats

Thank you to @justleaveacommentfest for hosting!!!

Decided I wanted to put my stats somewhere - as well as just post all of the awesome fics I ended up reading! Seriously recommend checking some of them out, they were truly a delight, and I'm really appreciative of this event not just getting me back into commenting, but reading fics in general, as I had entered a sort of reading funk ^^

Total Comments: 31

Bingo Cards

I plan to fill these out more over time for blackout but I got bingo on two cards during this event ^^

The Fics

Here's a link to ALL the fics I read ^^

I didn't read through all the fics I wanted, but I definitely read a lot more than I have in the past like 3 months so! I'll count that as a win while working through more of the listed fics over time

Below are some fics that I HIGHLY recommend - these were my favorites to read (or reread) ^^

Forever Onward, Scion - 32 fic long Wizard101 Series

This. Series. Is. INCREDIBLE!!!! No joke, definitely within a Top 10 favorite series list of mine, perhaps even a Top 5. @oldestenemy literally changed how I interpreted events and characters in this game. I actually read most of these fics early this year, and when I say they absolutely sucked me in, I mean it. I was obsessed with oldestenemy's portrayal of the Young Wizard, as well as just all the other characters and their dynamics. I literally could not put this series down once I started, I know I very much proctastinated on lots of assignments and maybe even didn't pay attention in class just because of it. For the fest I tried to comment on as many of these fics as I could to make up for the fact that I didn't comment when I first read it - and! I had fun letting it absorb my life all over again ^^

the existence of love - 1.6k words of all the Nanatsu no Taizai emotions

I went through the whole spectrum of emotions reading this fic. And I'm gonna say it was fate that I ended up finding this fic, considering I found it by rolling dice for not one but two different bingo cards. I cannot recommend it enough! By the end I was feeling so... flabberghasted, that this fic had the audacity to take me on such a wild rollercoaster of emotions. And I had to sit for a good hour after before I could continue reading. The author captured the characterizations perfectly and managed to create a character that I could relate to but filled me with absolute rage with each word out of their mouth.

By the water - 42 words of Minecraft Diaries relaxation

It's so short, but it was incredibly relaxing to read. Genuinely, I read this right before going to bed, and I was overwhelmed by a sense of calmness and just... felt so much better. I don't normally read fics this short, but I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it!

I've Tried Everything - Painful yet beautuful Nanatsu no Taizai Melizabeth angst

Incredible. So so incredible. I really love this author's fics, but I was surprised when I discovered I hadn't read this one! So I jumped on the chance as soon as I could and I don't regret it one bit. Head's up for suicidal Meliodas, and how his cursed has affected him over the years, and beautiful angst and distrust among the Sins. It's wonderful, all of their work is wonderful (seriously, also check out But We All Bleed Red and As Long As You're Alive by them. Incredible.)