#i genuinely do not know what nora did to these books to make them actual crack cocaine

[chewingonsneakers]

in honor of nothing, here is a short list of things i’ve done since first reading the All For The Game series years ago:

- started a video call with one person that lasted ten straight hours where i just talked abt the plot and character backstories of aftg. without running out of things to say.

- dressed up in a full suit to rehearse the riko roast scene as neil, a couple of close friends as jean and riko. for an audience of no one plus a dog

- begun writing my middle name every where i can because it lights me up with joy and happiness when i see one of my favorite character’s first names in between my own first and last

- gotten super into lacrosse games on tv where i cheer for specific teams and players that i associate in my brain to aftg’s corrospondants

- seriously considered buying a custom USC jersey with the name “Knox” on the back

- became generally worse

- created a small neil josten shrine on my dresser

- purchased black wrist to forearm armbands for staying inside when i want to wear black and feel like andrew minyard

- lived almost every single second of my life since then halfway in a different mindset. i will be getting a glass of water and be thinkin like “hey so actually i am aaron minyard drinking a glass of water in columbia.” it’s just me going about my mundane every day life but in my head in the headspace as different aftg characters. it’s unhealthy

[razorblade180-heated]

Stress Relief

Stress <-

[Warning, smut]

Another difficult day over with. That’s what Jaune had thought as he sat on a real bed for the first time in awhile. Thank goodness the inn he, Nora, Ren, and Ruby were staying at wasn’t fully booked. The man was no stranger to camping but everyone deserves a good night’s rest, or in his case, rest in general. He couldn’t sleep, his mind plagued with thoughts. It was a cruel thing really. It wasn’t often he had the chance to sleep without armor and now he couldn’t sleep at all. Perhaps feeling safe in a village tricked his body into thinking it could waste energy?

He grumbled at his current shortcoming until he heard a faint knock on his door that made him rise to his feet as if he were a soldier from Atlas. Carefully, Jaune approached the door and cracked it open until he saw a familiar pair of silver orbs looking at him.

“H-Hey…” Ruby said awkwardly. She rubbed the back of her and sighed. “Wanna know something ridiculous?”

Jaune smiled. “I can’t sleep either.”

“Hehe, same boat then. Although that’s not my entire story. We kinda wasted a bit of money.”

“What? How?” Jaune asked, genuinely confused.

“Nora went to Ren’s room, which is right next to my room…”

Jaune tucked his lips in. He could imagine how that would be a problem. Sad part is if Ren had gone to Nora’s, then it would be right next to Jaune’s.

“We didn’t think this through.” He said.

“Unfortunately.” Ruby chuckled out of embarrassment. “Even if I had the key to Nora’s room, I would still be a walk away.”

“We can swap rooms if you want?”

“Huh? No way. Then I wouldn’t sleep out of guilt. I might ask to see if we can get a bit of our money back tomorrow. Until then…would it be weird if I stayed here with you?”

The hallway was dark but nothing was gonna hide the tint of red on Ruby’s face. Jaune was sure he saw hers considering he still had a lantern lit in his room. It has been nearly a month since the night they had gotten unexpectedly intimate in the forest, yet the memory was fresh for both of them. Neither had spoken too much about it since then, but it wasn’t as if things got awkward between them. It was all just…secondary in comparison to urgent matters.

“We can share a room.” He said as calmly as he could muster. Jaune opened the door wider for her and it was only when she walked in did he realize Ruby was in her sleeping tank top and rose patterned pajama pants.

“I didn’t even know you packed those.”

“They’re good for when I get the opportunity to wash my actual clothes. What, you didn’t pack cozy-” Ruby turned around to look at Jaune’s attire. A sharp gasp left her lungs as she turned her head quickly.

Jaune was confused. “Ruby?” What had gotten into her. Was she trying not to laugh at the hoodie again? Jaune looked down at his favorite loungewear then immediately remembered the only thing on his legs was his black boxers. Thank goodness the door wasn’t wide open when someone walked by. Half thinking, he took off his hoodie and put it over his waist.

Ruby looked at his shadow. “Did you…take your shirt off to try and cover up?”

“Half naked up top is less distracting than the bottom. Sun’s half naked all the time.”

“I…can’t argue with that.”

“Hand me my jeans, please?”

“Your jeans?” Ruby finally faced him again after composing herself. “That’s not comfy to sleep in. I don’t mind the boxers. I was caught off guard is all.”

“But-”

“We’ve had sex.” Ruby blurted out, making both of them blush harder. “Trust me, it’s no big deal. Sleep comfortably.” She walked over to the bed and sat on the side closest to the back right corner of the room.

“Okay.” Jaune said hesitantly.

Ruby couldn’t help but stare at his chest. Battle after battle it gradually grew more defined along with his core. The toned physique was a good look.Her eyes shifted up to notice he caught her staring. They shared a silent glance that made her face hot. What in the gods was she doing here? Ruby didn’t say anything, choosing to turn away again.

Jaune went over to the lantern to turn the lantern off then got under the covers, minding his space to Ruby.

She snickered, “Pfft, you’ll fall off at that rate.”

He scooted closer in. Jaune thought about putting a pillow between them as a buffer but for some reason he knew she wouldn't go for that; nor did he want to. Ruby joined him under the covers, facing him as they continued to look at each other. Time felt infinite and scarce all at once. It’s been awhile since they recalled that feeling.

“What are we doing?” Ruby said softly.

Jaune responded calmly, “Not sleeping.” Why we’re her eyes so alluring in the dark? “Holding up okay?”

“I think so? Feels nice to be in a bed again.”

“Yeah. Sorry it’s a little cramped.”

“I like the closeness.” Ruby smiled sheepishly. Her heart raced so badly she feared Jaune could hear it. “Is this too much for you?”

“The journey of this situation?”

“Both…”

Jaune reached out and moved a displaced strand of hair in front of Ruby’s face. “No. Not when it’s you.” They should be resting. Now was the time to recover, and yet, Jaune couldn’t stop having flashbacks to the last time they were alone. This time they were safer, thankfully. “Ruby, can I get closer?”

“Y- Of course.” She stuttered. Jaune was now a breath away, his scent making her blush again; not that she really stopped. His arm came around her torso and her eyes were so fixated on his lips. “Jaune?”

“Yes…?”

Ruby debated on what to say. It was so clear neither of them wanted to talk much or actually try to sleep. Even so, Ruby didn’t want to be wrong about this situation. Steeling herself she asked a very important question. “Are you stressed?”

Jaune couldn’t even answer before he felt her dainty hands grab hold of his clothed erection. Subtle rubs up and down made Jaune answer honestly.

“So much~” he said huskily.

That’s all Ruby needed to hear. She pulled away the covers a bit then freed Jaune’s aching cock. Ruby didn’t utter a word as she moved her head towards it and captured the burning length in her mouth, earning an instant groan. Ruby slid it further down her throat and massaged the shaft with her tongue as she remembered the taste of a month ago. Funny enough, she didn’t mind it much this time. She slowly pulled her head up as her lips wrapped around his shape, then took the plunge down again.

“Nnnnggh~ Ruby.” His call was met with her gaze looking into his eyes again as she continued bobbing her head. “Wow…” was all he could say.

Ruby could feel his shaft growing in size and the taste got stronger to the point it took over her entire mouth. Something about his response made her even more excited. She kept her gaze on him, giving him an innocent looking gaze that only made him twitch. Ruby was getting lost in the moment when she felt his hand land on her lower back. Jaune said it underneath her pants and it wasn’t long before two fingers slid inside of her and began pumping rhythmically into her.

“This wet already?” Jaune said, stirring up Ruby’s pussy. This only made her suck his cock more aggressively, moaning on it while her hips played with his fingers. Gradually the room began to sound as messy as they felt. The Reaper couldn’t help but lose focus, taking her head away as gasps and moans were weakly suppressed.

“W-Wait…please~” thank goodness Jaune listened. Ruby let out a long sigh feeling his fingers pull out. Moonlight came through the window and showed off the work of the devious digits.

“You okay?”

“I will be.” Ruby fully pulled off her pants then tossed them aside. Jaune’s hand returned to make her squeak as it firmly gripped her rear. His fingers trailed up and down her entrance to make her fidget. Ruby tried to continue pleasing him but was caught off guard when he pulled her onto his lap. “Jaune?”

“This needs to come off.” He said, raising the tank top over her head. Ruby’s body was thin but vastly more toned than his own; almost as if she had been sculpted. That included her modest yet lovely chest.

Corse, rough hands kneaded them like dough. “Mmm” It didn’t take long for a shiver to make its way through Ruby as she watched Jaune greedily lick one.

“Still sensitive here?” Jaune played with the pail pink nipple, biting it as well as sucking on it.

His other hand kept massaging the neglected tit until he began teasing it as well. Markings from his feverish bites formed on her sensitive flesh where his teeth sunk in. Each bite sent her mind swimming and mound dripping with need against his rigid length. Ruby’s arms kept Jaune firmly against her so he wouldn’t even think about stopping. Not that he would’ve. It was as if he was trying to devour her, and Ruby wanted him to try.

The girl’s breath grew ragged and needed as he got his fill. Pressing her boobs together, Jaune’s heavy breath and fiery tongue captured both her nipples, his mouth closing down with grazing teeth. Ruby’s fingers tangled themselves in his hair as her hips raised off the mattress. Her silver eyes shut themselves tightly but all she could see was white as a rush of her pleasure coated Jaune’s erection and dampened her inner thighs. When her body finally hit the mattress, Jaune pulled himself away to look at his work while he caught his breath. What he saw was beautiful in every sense of the word. Ruby put her right arm over her eyes but that did nothing to hide the crimson color of her face or her heaving, hickey riddled chest. Try as she might, her waist kept fidgeting as Jaune looked at her quivering pussy. He quickly grabbed one of her breasts and watched her entire body jolt as a whimper escaped.

“You really are sensitive here, aren’t you?”

Ruby said nothing, her head still calming down from the climax. She felt his hand trail down her glistening body towards her legs. His other hand joined in, bending her knees before gripping the underside of her thighs and spreading her legs. Ruby was glad to not have seen him do it, but there was something about the unexpected that made her anxious. Sight or not, she could feel his eyes staring down at her most sacred place. Ruby awaited his warmth, and let out a hitched breath when she learned his tongue wasn’t finished with her. The muscles dragged itself from bottom to top, then slowly moved back down to enter her.

Ruby’s arms finally moved. “Jaune, don’t tease-” her whining died seeing her dark blue eyes look at her. His gaze held pure need, an intense hunger that went against his own blush. This was for him just as much as it was for her, and that realization made Ruby buckle. She put her right leg over his shoulder to hold him steady. Both her hands ran through his hair again and pressed his mouth harder against her mound. The groans that came from his throat vibrated against Ruby and drew her deeper into pleasure. Then there were the noises. Oh gods, the noises. Ruby couldn’t ignore the sound of Jaune smacking and slurping. He had to be doing it on purpose, and yet the way he held her hips down into the mattress as he got faster made Ruby tremble. There was denying she has never been this aroused before. Was he playing it up, or was she really that wet? The thought tormented her.

“Nnnngh! Please, slow down.” She begged, but Jaune didn’t budge. His arms snaked up and over, pinning hers. Jaune kept advancing upwards and sent what felt like a bolt of lightning to Ruby’s system as he gripped her chest again. “AAAHH~” her first real yell of the night. “No! I’ll-”

Jaune followed the movements of her rising hips, lapping up an immense burst of arousal. Her taste felt intoxicated, entrancing Jaune as he let drip down his chin onto the sheets. No spasm escaped his tongue and he took in every noise the precious girl made as her orgasm assaulted her. When her hips fell this time, it was noticeably harder and her hands gripped the sheets. Jaune rose up onto his knees, wiping his chin.

“I wanted to do that to you for so long.” He said huskily. His own wits end had been reached. Jaune held his raging erection in his hand and pulled Ruby closer with the other.

Ruby jumped as she felt the weight of smack repeatedly against her soaked lower lips. Its head was dripping precum and the heat made her heart race. “You’re so serious this time~” Ruby watched his expression soften a little.

Overall, Ruby was never too concerned about romance or these sorts of things until recently. Still, she remembered conversations about it with Velvet, who was one of the few friends she felt was easy to discuss these topics with. She had said a first time for some was like blood in the water for sharks. Jaune had gotten a taste and wanted more. Ruby smiled, they were in the same boat.

“Let me lead?” She spoke, sitting up and kissing Jaune deeply. “There’s things I’ve been waiting to do too.”

Her hands rubbed his chest before pressing him down onto the bed. Ruby wasted no time straddling the knight and pressing the tip at her entrance. She looked down at the man who stared at her with eyes mixed with desire and fluster. “Hehe, you okay?”

“You are so sexy.” He said in awe.

Ruby felt her heart flutter. It was an unexpected ego boost yet another reason to blush. She leaned down to give Jaune another kiss, then finally lined him up properly. Ruby lowered her hips and they both grunted as a sense of tension snapped and built up at the same time. Ruby had to shut her eyes again; it took all of her concentration to keep going until she sat fully on it. She leaned forward with her hands on Jaune’s chest to brace herself while he held her hips.

“Shit….” Ruby cooed under her breath.

It was always a little odd yet alluring to hear her curse. Jaune watched, mesmerized as she raised her hips halfway then, slid back down to the base. The grip she had on him threatened to make him blow within seconds, but Jaune wasn’t about to let that happen for either of their benefit; biting down on his lip to bring a little pain in this moment of pleasure. He would need it. Watching her was dangerous.

Each hip sway made the huntress pant. Moonlight captured the shine of her body, her skin glistening from his heated antics. Jaune’s eyes couldn’t look away from the way her boobs bounced above him, or how her muscles tensed with every motion. Especially her toned stomach and torso he couldn’t help but grab.

“Hey?” Ruby said suddenly.

Jaune looked up to see she had finally opened her eyes again; although not fully. Her gaze looked a little pouty while her lips hopelessly tried to be serious despite her best efforts.

“Stop getting bigger~” Ruby whined. “I’m barely holding on already.” Ruby tried to keep her pace when bucked his hips up and made her voice come out. “Aaah! Jaune!”

“Lean back.” He said excitedly.

“What?”

“ Ruby, please lean back…”

His tone was low and shivering. Ruby propped both her arms behind her and kept her hips moving. Not only did it feel like Jaune was digging in deeper, but he could see everything in this position. Ruby watched him sit up and look her in the eyes.

Jaune inhaled sharply. “Ssss nngh! You’re getting tighter.”

“That’s your fault.” She huffed.

“Ruby?”

“Yes..?”

“Don’t stop looking at me.”

Ruby shuddered as she felt his right hand rest on her stomach,its weight gently pushing in as it moved down. “Mmn, what are you…”

“Making you even tighter…” his thumb kept going until rested on a sensitive nub of nerves. Jaune watched pleading fill Ruby’s eyes and her hip movements buckle as he gently circled her clit. Ruby instinctively tried tossing her head but Jaune reached out with his left, holding the side of her face and turning her gaze back to him.

Ruby’s heart was racing. His left rested between her neck and lower jaw while his right dared not speed up against her clit. “Thi-ngh! This is too much! Jaune…! I’ll..”

“Do it. Cum all over it. I wanna watch.”

How cruel of him. Ruby couldn’t deny a request like that. Not when she could feel him throbbing. All she could do his focus on her hips as she fucked herself on his cock. Two orgasms already but she wanted so badly to cum right now. The bed creaked with her more desperate movements. Ruby could see Jaune’s own lust reaching its peak but it did nothing to ease the pressure of his gaze on her.

Jaune grunted, “hear that?”

“Hush…”

“So wet~

“I said hush~” Ruby squeaked, her voice rising with pleasure. Her toes curled and legs trembled. “I’m so close. I..I…” his left hand trailed down her neck and collar bone, grabbing hold of her right boob roughly.

Ruby thought she would scream, that she’d cry out so loudly it would cause trouble in the morning. However, the bulk of noise turned into a strained nose that resided in her throat as any thoughts in her were obliterated. Her body rattled as if she was freezing in the cold, her eyes locked on Jaune’s as she came on him. A rush of red flowed to her cheeks seconds later after feeling a warmth fill her deepest spot. Ropes of it kept pumping into her until she felt the length around her walls finally calm down.

Jaune wrapped his arms around Ruby as she gave up on supporting herself, pulling her close as they both let their orgasms run their course. Jaune hadn’t realized until now that even her hair had grown damp. He brushed away several strands on her face like he did earlier, prompting Ruby to look up at him. Desire hadn’t left her gaze, but there was a deep yearning held in them that made him hold her tightly. Ruby put her hands on the sides of his face, pulling him into their deepest kiss. Her tongue coaxed his into her mouth while she let out a humm.

Her arms moved to wrap around his neck as they continued this blissful moment. Ruby kept humming as Jaune refused to keep his hands off of her. Even after what they’ve done, Ruby adored the way he clung to her and vice versa. To have it end so soon didn’t feel right. Jaune put a little more force behind his kiss, making Ruby rock backwards to the point he fell on top of her. His weight felt so good on her, and her hips gave a dull but pleasurable ache as she felt him get hard inside her again. Their kiss finally ended regrettably. Ruby watched the friend on top of her stare at her gently, silently asking if she was alright. A lump formed in her throat as a maelstrom of emotions made her cling to her tighter.

“I love you.” She said, a little scared, but not out of fear of rejection. So much recent tragedy has befallen them; so much recent loss of love. Admitting this felt like testing fate and reopening fresh wounds. “You don’t have to say back, but I just-”

“Ruby…” Jaune said softly. He took her hands from around him and pressed them against the mattress on either side of her. Such caring, strong, yet gentle hands held as he interlocked their fingers. “I love you more.”

Tears welled up in her eyes. Ruby squeezed his hands. “Prove it.” She said shakily, wrapping her legs around his lower back. Ruby mentally chastised herself. Finally, they were safe in an inn and yet… “I don’t want to sleep yet.”

Jaune leaned back down. “I’ll keep you company.”

“You better…” Ruby wholeheartedly accepted the another kiss she was oh so clearly begging for. Jaune’s hips rolled into her like low tide greeting the shore. Her breath hitched in between gasps for air, but it didn’t stop her from going back in for more.

The pace he went wasn’t as aggressive as she had gone when she was on top, but it didn’t need to be. Between his weight and strength, Jaune’s slow but powerful thrusts reached deeper than he’s been all night. Ruby’s legs flinched every time he bottomed her out, trying to close unsuccessfully with his body preventing them. Ruby sadly had to take a break from passionate make out, resting her head in the crook of his neck as she whimpered in his ear.

Jaune was trying to pace this, keeping in mind Ruby by now had to be way more exhausted. That was hard to do however when her voice in his ear. “Need a break?”

“Don’t you dare.” She cooed, nipping at his ear to stir him up. “Focus on yourself this time. Just…stay this close to me.”

“Always.”

Ruby felt her body tense. At this point she couldn’t tell if it was his movements or his words that sent her soaring. The bed started creaking once more as Jaune put a little more force in his hips. His thrusts never pulled out more than halfway before filling her back up, leaving Ruby no mercy from relentless plunging close to her womb.

“For fucks sake…” Ruby muttered, her mind turned lucid. “Mmmnn, aaaahhgnn~”

A voice like that was gonna drive Jaune crazy. “It feels that good?”

“So good.” Ruby said, breathless and without shame. “You’re so deep. I’ve never felt this before!” She let out another satisfied humm as Jaune stole her lips. By now he had noticed kissing riled her up. That combined with his chest rubbing against hers and Ruby felt like puddy in his hands, at the mercy of his whims. She very well would let him get away with anything, yet his kiss told her he would do anything for her. What a perplexing situation. At this rate, they weren’t gonna catch a wink of sleep.

Jaune tried his absolute hardest to make this moment feel like forever, but he could himself as his flesh couldn’t resist the way Ruby bit his lip, called his name, and gripped him with endless warmth. Her hips raised to meet his thrusts, begging him to stay nice and deep inside her and feel the way her walls quivered at his touch. Even if he wanted to, Jaune couldn’t pull out with her legs around him.

Jaune hissed, “Ruby, I’m close!”

“Get closer.” She whispered in his ear, nearing her own end. “Put it all in me.”

Now she's done. Ruby’s heart jumped as Jaune kissed her hard into the pillow. Four strokes were given to her before she felt Jaune press his hips against hers, burying his cock as deeply as possible as hot cum poured into her. Ruby’s legs threatened to crush Jaune’s waist while her clenched hard, nails sinking into skin. The only movements either made were involuntary from the pleasure surging through their bodies.

Jaune kept groaning in ecstasy, feeling Ruby’s body trying to squeeze everything it could out of him. The only thing rivaling his noises were Ruby’s panting moans that were in sync with every convulsion. Jaune did his best to move, but his body wasn’t ready to leave her warmth; all his strength began to drain, causing him to lay on her.

The extra weight was a surprise but not unwelcome. Ruby had found the ability to unwrap her legs but that did nothing to stop them from trembling once they were free. Her wits barely stayed with her this time, and she felt like she had just ran a marathon. Ruby ran her fingers through Jaune’s hair to see if he was still conscious. His head raised to look at her as they shared the same breathless expression. He flashed her a smile, which she returned kindly before gently kissing him this time. A loving sigh left them as they continued to bask in their afterglow. With her help, Jaune was able to roll over to the right side of the bed. Ruby gasped, feeling Jaune slip out of her after everything he did was a sensation she wasn’t quite ready for. They didn’t realize until then how much air they were missing, taking fuller breaths of it!

“Can we…take a break?” Ruby gasped.

Jaune nodded adamantly. “Good idea.”

“How the heck does Ren and Nora go nonstop like they do!? That’s not human!”

“Nora gets struck by lightning and can lift five of her. Ren…” Jaune had to think about it. “He has to top. I love the guy but that’s the only explanation. He’d be dead otherwise.”

Ruby giggled, “Fair, that’s how I felt just now.” She moved over and laid her head against his chest. “My legs are still shaking.”

“So I did well?”

Ruby looked at him as if he insulted her taste in sweets. “Jaune, my legs are shaking and I was saying things I dare not repeat right now.” She put her head back down. “You were wonderful.”

“Really good thing we’re in a village. I saw a medical shop earlier. I’ll swing by tomorrow.”

“I did that tonight.” Ruby blushed, feeling his gaze on her again. “I was prepared- or rather… hoping for a situation like this to happen. So uhh, anyways, we got really serious there in the end. I…emotions were high for us, so I understand if-”

“I still love you more.”

The redness spread to her ears. Ruby felt his arm hold her and a kiss land on her head. “….”

“Ruby, look at me.” He said gently. The reaper raised her head with perfect silver orbs staring at him with love and affection. “I said I love you more. You gonna take that?”

“…No.” she finally said. “Because I love you most. And in a little while, I’ll prove it to you.”

“Do your best.”

“Gladly~”

Ruby craned her head up as Jaune tilted his down for yet another moment of pure affection. The way he held her grew tighter and despite it all, Ruby found herself crawling on top of her knight again. Tonight, there really was no sleep for the weary. Only comfort.

xxxxxx

All good moments eventually come to an end. If you were to ask Ruby about when that was, she couldn’t answer. All she knew was she was waking up, slowly leaning forward in a bed that wasn’t her own. Early rays of sunlight greeted the room through shut blinds. The huntress yawned, rubbing her eyes as she looked around. Fatigue all but melted away completely as she saw Jaune fast asleep next her, his peaceful expression brightening her mood better than any sunlight could. Ruby let out a soft giggle and smiled as she leaded down towards him and gave Jaune a simple peck on the lips.

Ruby whispered to him soothingly. “I love you, more and more each day.”

[mantis-a-shrimp]

Soo I just watched the RWRB movie. Keep in mind that this is from the perspective of someone that LOVES the book, so it IS in comparison to the book and not like, an objective movie review. I wasn't a particular fan. The dialogue changes make NO sense to me, like, why? They talk to each other in such a fun, genuine, clever way in the book, and here it's stilted and bland. I am NOT a fan of what they did with the characters, I understand leaving some out for time, but they also completely stripped most of the remaining ones of all personality. Does Pez even speak at all at any point? Do they even refer to him as Pez at any point??? Bea's whole personality was gone, Nora's, and even ALEX. Their interpersonal relationships were also completely obliterated, Alex literally seemed closer with Zhara than Nora, and even then it WASN'T VERY CLOSE. Not to mention they completely forgot about Nora halfway through and Pez even sooner. The rest of this rant will be in list format

Things I'm mad about them changing

The dialogue (why?????)

THEY MADE THE TEXAS BINDER A TEXAS MEMO. (Signifying the larger problem of nerfing Alex's personality)

WhERE is Ellen's malewife????? Why no divorce!!!????

WHY DID THEY CHANGE HENRY'S FAVORITE MOVIE!? (Pride & prejudice wasn't mentioned ONCE and I'm crying 1 million tears)

Bea is both the youngest, and NOT PUNK now :(

Alex makes his speech much earlier without even talking to Henry, plus it's way more corporate and way less walking on stage in an American flag Gucci jacket

I understand that maybe Taylor didn't know how to play a southerner, but I would've appreciated the effort.

The emails felt like an afterthought, we only saw like, one of them.

No "CORNBREAD KNOWS MY SINS HENRY" (OR Henry's facemask D:<)

Things I DID like!

Nicholas's performance was beautiful

Amy <3

They twinkified Phillip & I think that's hilarious

The sex scenes were actually so gorgeous and intimate they were everything the dialogue wasn't

The "I've never owned a key" + the key trade was VERY nice

[thatoneawkwardfanthing]

I realized I haven't actually talked about the epilogue animatic yet, just reblogged some stuff. I have so many feelings about it so uhhh

Spoilers below (it's also definitely out of order because I haven't watched it in a few days. Still can't without CRYING)

"We buried our friends today" okay ouch. Following it up immediately with that shit of Nora breaking down? CRIMINAL

The fact that Ren was talking to Jaune about how much he held them together and how he wished he was there hurt

Oscar/Oz actively fighting the merge is exact what I want! Let that little boy free!

Mercury having that same hesitation that Emerald did in V3 cmon let my wlw mlm besties be reunited

I haven't finished the two Vacuo books, but I know The Crown is BAD NEWS BEARS

Winter Schnee how I wish I could hug you so close. You did your best and genuinely thought Ironwood would come to his fucking senses it's not your fault!

The Renora parts of this really hurt my heart I love them so much you don't understand.

OOBLECK AND PORT MY FAVORITE OLD MEN and wait WDYM Vale's gone? Hello?

WHERE'S TAIYANG?!?

Qrow being optimistic and saying an old friend taught him that? And then it showing Clover's pin? STOP IT WE KNOW HE DIED AND THEY WERE GAY LOVERS PLEASE

As much as I HATE Raven, I do think that the second she felt her connection to Yang come back, she was there, breaking her "one save" rule. Maybe we'll see her try to make amends if/when V10 is made. Also really want to see Ruby going off on her because SHE KNOWS WHERE SUMMER WENT THAT NIGHT!

Where's anyone from Menagerie? Blake's parents? Illia? The faction of the White Fang that follows Ghira?

I know a lot of it is gonna be different in V10, but I'm sure the key points (them talking to the grave, Vale being gone, etc) will still be there.

I'm holding out hope and RWBY Beyond is also really doing a great job at telling more of the story. It really feels like Monty's saying of "Keep Moving Forward" is what's at the forefront of everyone's mind and I love that.

[capcavan]

7, 9, and 11 for your tag game 💜

nah love i need you to answer all of them but yeha only fair i do mine to lul

What is your favourite character in the Foxes? I don't really have favourite there i think Neil will be my favourite in future right now it's Renee

And favourite in the series aside form this one? I will let you guess

Drop your beloved head-canons about both! Renee does not in fact believe in god she participated in Christianity for sense of community it gives her, Riko is deathly allergic to peanuts and wishes he was born a girl but not in the trans way. He just know his life would be better if he wasn't a man. I also feel very strongly about him having adhd/bipolar .

Fic(s) you are always happy to recommend or fic tropes you will always read. https://archiveofourown.org/works/12283962/chapters/27922614#workskin Little Boy blue , I generally can be baited into reading any fic where riko is treated with bit more nuance than flat line Disney villain. I adore extreme hurt with happy ending

Which of the books is your favourite The foxhole court i enjoyed this story much more without seeing it's full development also loved Kevin much more before he was pushed aside, my first idea of what this story would be was much different .

Opinions on AFTG audiobook release? Worth a listen juts to laugh at girls voices , but i adore Renees soft tone in it, I think it,s main reason I adore her sm actually.

If you write/draw/create aftg stuff, what is your favourite work of yours?

i adore this fan art a lot bc it,s funny light hearted has clever joke that references rikos obsession with court numbers and has fox jean and riko on it + riko kind of looks like girl here and i think it's very hot look on him

welp the numbers got fucked

Favourite event/plot point in the books Foxes reaction to seths death and seth death, it set really god tone for rest of the story and was the only event that genuinely surprised me bc i did not expected anyone from hero team to drop dead

Least favourite part of canon (can include Extra content) The fact that both foxes and ravens are groups of abused individuals but one word ,, mafia" is enough to put blame for all bat things on riko only even though he was pawn to his caretaker the way she wrote jeans abuse list it feels excessively edgy for sake of begin edgy i find nothing deep or sad about this i can also write down random list of numbers and attach to it words like rape and broken bones

If you could sent Nora an ask and get answer, what would you ask about? i wouldn't ask about anything bc her giving me answer i'm not looking for would feel bad

If you could make an idea of your choice canon to aftg, what would it be? I'd have a riko make a joke about how foxes should be in prison by now considering they are dressed the part (orange) (and most of them broke the law) id also replace neils car lighter burns with something else bc they are annoying to draw

Feel free to share some random hot takes if you like Andrew "murdering" their abusive mother is creepy as fuck and her being abuser or him only teenager with not fully developed brain is not really making this any less creepy and i enjoy his character because of this I don't mind aaron being homophobic , i'm cool with those character being murderers abusers and bigots , it's fictional characters they had not hurt anyone in real life so i don't really care about their fictional flaws and enjoy interacting with their content all the same I don't like only one of the foxes and i don't think this fox should be part of this team i don't really care about story and whatever, it's my personal bias so discussing it deeper makes no sense unless you want to unpack my past and all people who lead me to feel that way rlly

[vecnawrites]

Playing Hard To Get

Everyone knew that Jaune Arc pined for Weiss Schnee. But what few knew was that Weiss Schnee pined for Jaune Arc just as much. The reason they weren't together? Weiss had gotten bad romantic advice. Hopefully, this wouldn't work against her...

The last of my Patreon Rewards for August! And Safe For Work, to boot!

Weiss walked down Beacon’s hallways with a confident smile on her beautiful face. Her snow white hair was perfectly shampooed and conditioned, her tiara was in its proper place, and she had just the slightest bit of make up on her face to accentuate her best traits, making her eyes and lips stand out, accentuated her cheekbones, and all that.

Why all the primping? Well, Weiss was a woman on a mission. She knew, well, more like everyone knew, that one Jaune Arc was smitten with her, completely and utterly. But what no one actually realized was that she was smitten with him as well.

Why hadn’t she agreed to his many requests for a date, then? Well, the answer was surprisingly simple. She wanted to see that he would fight for her. She had read in a myriad of articles and books based around romance that it was very good to play ‘hard to get’, as it would show if the boy in question was truly serious about dating her. If he continued to try for her, he was worth keeping around, worth dating in the long run.

Jaune hadn’t stopped, he had always tried to convince her to go out with him, but he was pleasant about it, always accepting her answer of ‘no’ with grace, backing away only to try again about a week or so later. And he never asked her to do something boring. It was always something that she loved (she loved comedy movies! After all, there was little joy growing up in the Schnee household), or had never done before but actually wanted to try (she had never been allowed near any sort of arcade or even gaming before as a child, being expected to be the perfect heiress at all times)! He even knew her favorite flowers and how she liked her coffee!

She knew that now was the time to strike, as the Beacon Dance was coming up during the next week. Now, she knew that most girls considered Jaune a dork (and they weren’t wrong, he was a wonderful dork), but that left him open for her to snag as a date for it!

She already knew that it would be perfect~ Jaune was always the perfect gentleman, even when it was against someone that was being rude to him-that brute of an oaf Cardin and her own teammate Yang were two examples.

Reaching the Library, Weiss walked in confidently, seeing the head of blonde hair that she knew by heart over at one of the tables, scribbling away at a notebook before him, glancing at one of the books on top of the table.

Walking up, she gently coughed to catch his attention, and when she saw him look up and focus on her, she gathered herself and spoke. “Well, Arc,” oh, how she loathed to call him by his last name, she would be sure to call him by his proper name after this, “I know that the Dance is coming up, and since I know you don’t have a date, I’m willing to go with y-” she blinked, stopping as Jaune closed his book, looking up at her with that sheepish, slightly awkward grim that she adored, but for some reason, this one filled her with dread.

“Actually, I do have a date to the dance, Weiss!” he said, his face happy and voice calm, but both made her freeze as though she had just heard some of the most dark, foul, and violent vitriol to ever grace her ears.

“R-Really?” she hated how weak her voice sounded, how faint it was, the sinking feeling only growing as Jaune gathered up his finished work and stood, nodding to her with a smile. “Yeah, she even asked me, rather than the other way around with me asking her, so it was a nice surprise! I’m sorry, but I can’t stay and talk; I have a team training session with Pyrrha, Nora, and Ren! I’ll talk to you later?”

Weiss found herself nodding weakly, wondering where things had gone so wrong as the boy she wanted left the library. She had no doubt that he was just too polite to say ‘no’ to the girl in question… so she would have to find said girl and… convince… her that it was in her best interest for something to ‘come up’ the night of the dance and allow her to go with her Dork Knight.

~

Weuss was going to have to give up, as much as she despised the very thought. All of her investigations had come up with nothing. She knew that it wasn’t Pyrrha: her largest rival for Jaune’s affections wouldn’t have been quiet about going to the dance with him. She’d have been singing about it from the rooftops.

Her own partner was also out as well; after all, Ruby was not only the only one of her team to know about how she truly felt about Jaune, she also only saw Jaune as her ‘goofy bestie’. Which wasn’t bad at all in her case. It meant she had someone to talk to about her feelings.

But that still left many candidates: the chocolate skinned, green haired girl named Emerald Sustrai eyed him in interest several times, as did the beret wearing Ciel Soliel from Atlas, and even the beanie wearing sniper from BRNZ, May Zedong had been eyeing him enough to make her feel uneasy. A scowl formed on her face at the thought of one of those… those hussies taking her man!

...but, she hadn’t figured out who it was, and tomorrow was the dance. She hadn’t bothered to see if anyone else would go with her, not when the only person she wanted to go with wasn’t available. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to attend anymore. She wouldn’t enjoy it.

She sighed, shaking her head as she saw the person of her desires walking towards her, that sweet smile on his face. She swallowed, but forced a smile to her face. It wasn’t like a lady to be sour at someone else’s happiness… even if it hurt.

“Hey, Weiss, how are you doing?” he asked, making her smile become more genuine, even if still being sad.

“Hello, Jaune… how are you doing?” she saw him frown, and panicked a bit, she didn’t want him to know that she was feeling sad! She watched as he bit down on his lower lip a bit, looking at her with his deep blue eyes.

“I’m doing okay. Prepared for the dance tomorrow, how about you?” she felt the sting again at the knowledge that he would be going with someone else, someone that wasn’t her. Horrifyingly, she felt tears building in the corners of her eyes, and quickly focused her gaze down towards the floor so he wouldn’t see them.

“O-Oh, that’s nice…” damn her for sounding so weak! “I...I really hope you enjoy your date with w-whoever it is…” she sniffed, feeling the tears beginning to make their way down her cheeks-

“IT’S YOU!”

Weiss froze, two single tears dropping from her face to fall on the floor as her eyes widened, hearing those two, powerful words. She looked up, seeing him looking at her with a sad, but warm smile on his face as he reached out and gently wiped her cheeks clean.

“It’s you, Weiss… you asked me in the library, remember?” Weiss’s mind flashed back to that day last week, and their conversation, specifically, her saying that since he didn’t have a date, she would-a small gasp left her lips, and more tears built up and flowed down her cheeks, but these were ones of happiness.

He hugged her gently, and she sank into his hold happily, inhaling his scent, crying steadily now. “Let’s have a lot of fun, just the two of us, okay?” she croaked out, feeling Jaune nod against her head. “I’ve thought a lot about this all, so I hope you can keep up with me.” another gently nod and a hand cupping her cheek as she hiccuped, carefully wiping her tears away.

Weiss couldn’t wait for the Dance now. She was just thankful she had gotten her dress ready when it was first announced!

[thewalkingdead-imagines]

TWD - Negan Imagine ~ “Diverged”

Imagine for the 21st episode of Season 10

Summary: Follow Negan and the Reader through the days after Maggie’s arrival in Alexandria, through struggles and tension, domestic bliss, and a special little celebration.

Warning: Smut

Day 1 after Maggie’s arrival Warm morning sun was streaming through the windows of the living room and the kitchen, filling it up with a warmth that you very much needed after the nerve-wracking last night. You hadn’t slept badly, but your body was still letting you know that it didn’t like the ordeal of fear and tears you’d put it through last night. You tried to stay positive, new day, new game, but the thought that you could run into Maggie any moment you’d step foot out of your house gave you a feeling of the ugly kind. “Fuck, really needed that coffee”, Negan groaned as you watched him take a big gulp from his cup, his figure still a little slumped over the table and his face was still painted in the remaining exhaustion that was stuck in him as well. “Mhm me too”, you sighed, reaching for your cup, taking another sip while you could feel Negan’s hand reaching for yours, taking it into his grasp as he cleared his throat slightly. “So we’re just gonna-” Cut off by two quick knocks on the door your glimpse shot up from your cup, darting right at the door, revealing Gabriel’s black clothed figure right behind its windows. Your stomach started to sink from one moment to another, unsure what to think, unsure what he would do and say now that Maggie was back, unsure if he was here to try and snap Negan’s freedom back again, or if it was just something trivial that had brought him here. “Fuck”, it fell from Negan’s lips the same moment a tense sound fell from yours and you stood up from your spot, letting go of Negan’s hand to move towards the door while your heart started to drum against your chest, pounding harshly as you finally pushed down the handle. “Morning, can I come in?”, the priest asked, the look on his face not readable enough for you to know whether he had good or bad news. “Sure”, you only nodded, gulping thickly as he walked past you towards the table, watching him closely as you followed him. “Mornin’ Gabey boy”, Negan chuckled, overplaying any of the stress and fear he clearly felt too. The bright grin was plastered onto his face, but just one look into his eyes gave away what he was truly feeling right now.  “Morning to you too, Negan. I just got some updates for the both of you”, he said, looking in between the both of you and finally, he seemed to pick up on the thick tension that was laying in the air.

“It’s nothing negative, no need to worry”, he quickly added and while a burden already seemed to fall from your shoulders and your heart started to slow down its relentless pounding, a part of you was still on edge.  “Aaron and I will leave for an extensive run in a few hours. Maggie provided us with a map with possible scavenging locations further out. I just thought it would be good to let you know, also concerning the council”, he said as he looked to you while you were still nearly hanging onto his lips, waiting for him to finish so you could be sure that no bad surprise was waiting for you,”With both of us gone, most of the remaining council is gone as well, there’s only you, Nora and Kyle left...which means it is inactive for the time being, as soon as we’re back, we will look for new members and make any decisions together.” “And what does that mean for us?”, Negan finally asked, the grin gone as the tension broke through his facade as he glanced up to the priest, “C’mon Gabe, You just said it, Maggie is back. So as long as you and spikey boy are out there we’ll just continue as before? Do our work and live here?” “That’s the plan”, he nodded,”I’ve told you before, every helping hand is needed and living in this home has worked during the last days as well. A well rested worker is a good worker. So yes, you will continue as before.” “And others know that as well? As long as you’re gone we can count on this?”, you asked, still too tense to trust it all completely yet no matter how much you wanted to believe it,“I just...I just want to be sure that Maggie’s presence won’t spontaneously change things while you’re gone. We won’t start anything of course, we’ll keep our distance, I just want to be sure that we can count on this now.” “You can”, he nodded once more, sighing as he still saw the suspicion on both of your faces.  You wished it was different, you wished you could act and be a little more lighthearted and less tense but you’d been disappointed too many times before and you weren’t gonna let that happen again, not if you had any chance to avoid it. “I’ve told Kyle and Nora...and yes, I’ve let Daryl know as well just as Maggie does. I’m not saying she likes it but this decision is set in stone for as long as we’re gone”, he said, looking in between the both of you, “And as I told you last time, I generally see no problem in keeping the situation permanently as it is.” “Okay, thank you, Gabe”, you finally got out, allowing yourself to let his words finally calm you while Negan joined in, sighing softly as he got the priest’s attention. “I know I’ve been screwing with you here and there but I appreciate this, Gabey, Really”, he said, looking straight but entirely genuine at the other man, who started to clear his throat slightly. “Good...I am not entirely sure how long this run will take, but it will be something around two weeks. I’ll see you when I’m back”, he started, looking once more in between the both of you before he started to head towards the door again. “Take care”, you said as you moved in behind him, reaching for his arm to stop him for a moment as he was about to step outside, “I mean it, thank you. This means a lot.” He only gave you another look, a slightly warmer one you’d rarely seen in him during the last while before he nodded slightly and slipped outside, leaving you at the doorstep for a moment as the fresh morning breeze brushed over your face and allowed you to relax slightly and process the news that were much better than you’d actually anticipated.  For now, things were good, and you’d just appreciate that to the fullest. 

2 days after Maggie’s arrival  Business as usual. Just like Gabriel had proposed.  You hadn’t seen Maggie on the streets of Alexandria at all yesterday, only one or two of her people and you were quite grateful that it had stayed that limited after the tumultuous night you’ve had before, though you knew that it certainly wouldn’t stay that way. They were probably getting that house ready that Maggie had simply picked for them, and while that fact irked you a little, you were partly grateful that it bought you some more time to adjust.  Still half lost in your thoughts you moved through the quiet infirmary, only hearing Steve move something around on the first floor, collecting some new bed sheets for the only stationary patient you had at the moment.  “I got you, only this one more step”, an unfamiliar male voice rumbled from the porch dully into the room, just loud enough for your attention to spike up and turn you into the direction of the voice. Tilting your head you glimpsed through the windows, trying to sort the voice to a face and from one moment to another, it was crystal clear to you why you didn’t recognize it.  The voice didn’t belong to an Alexandrian, Hilltoper or even former Kingdom resident, those were two of Maggie’s people. A shudder ran down your back as you watched the man whose voice you’d just heard help the blonde woman he propped with his arms towards the door, slow but still not slow enough for you to prepare yourself for the situation. Did they know who you were? Did Maggie or maybe any other person in here already point it out to them?  For a moment, you wanted to call Steve downstairs, to take no chances and avoid unnecessary confrontations but you didn’t have enough time for that left and a small part of you hoped that doing a good job now might benefit you and Negan at some other point.  Still, it didn’t leave you any less tense as the man pushed the door open, his eyes on the floor until the both of them moved a little more into the room and he finally looked up.  “Morning, we’re here to get a new bandage for her foot”, he rumbled, tucking a loose strand of his dark hair back into his low bun as you moved towards the both of them, trying to find some kind of recognition in his eyes but at least for now, it didn’t seem like he knew who you were, and if that was the case, it might be best to keep it this way. You weren’t in the mood for confrontations. Not here. Not now. “Sure, just help me get her on the cot”, you said, smiling softly as you moved in next to the woman, propping her just enough to get her comfortably onto the nearest cot and a sigh of relief left her lips as soon as she could adjust herself and relieve her foot from any weight that had still lasted onto it. “I’ll quickly get some stuff to wrap this up again”, you said as you moved towards the counters, a certain tension still lasting onto you as you reached for the small notebook with notes you kept about the patients, searching for the latest fitting entry of the day before yesterday that fit to her injury.  “Your name’s Linda, right?”, you asked as you glimpsed up from the book, watching as the younger woman looked up and nodded softly.  “You’re keeping track of the patients?”, the man asked, curious as he tilted his head a little to glimpse at the book. “Yeah, makes it easier to know for any follow up appointments what drugs, salves or else were used”, you said, still with a friendly look on your face as you nodded back to the book, “Also easier to keep track on how much of meds we still got left, just makes things a lot faster and simple.” “Yeah I’m just asking ‘cause our doc back at our old village did the same thing, had a book that looked exactly like that one, just had me curious”, he said, a bittersweetness in his voice before he let out a thick sigh,”Not sure if you heard but the reason we left is the same reason she got injured...hurt herself when the rest of our group fled from that bastard in the woods.”´ß “Yeah I did”, you nodded, moving in to grab what you needed, glimpsing in between the book and Linda and Cole as you threw the supplies into a small basket, ready to use them as you made your way back and gave her a small smile,”Gonna make sure you’re fully back on your feet quickly.” “I’m Cole by the way”, he said the moment you reached them, extracting his hand out to you and with that, sending just another shiver of tension through you as you realized that there was no way past introducing yourself anymore.  “Well then nice to meet you, Cole”, you said, giving him another smile, trying to give him one last kind impression of yourself before you gulped thickly as you accepted his hand, only hoping that this would be the first time he’d hear your name. “I’m (Y/N).” It wasn’t the first time. it most definitely wasn’t. From one moment to another, it seemed to click in him. His kind looking dark eyes widened slightly before they narrowed as his face fell flat, saying with that expression more than 1000 words ever could while his grip on your hand loosened. “Well, then let’s get this done, huh?”, you could hear yourself awkwardly mumble as you let go of his hand, trying to act as if this hadn’t just happened while you only hoped that he would just give you the silent treatment instead of spewing a remark. Tensely you started to get to work, trying to ignore what had just happened though you could very much tell that they were eyeing you. Linda more than Cole, but the looks you could see him giving you from the corner of your eyes were still obvious enough to notice.  Thorough but as fast as you could you finished the job, making sure to not look as tensed as you felt before you finally tossed the last bit of scraps back into the basket and looked back up again. “Alright, it’s done. You can come back anytime you feel like you need a bandage change, if nothing happens and it mostly stays in place, you could come by tomorrow evening or the day after”, you said, just trying to act as if this situation wasn’t as awkward and tense as it truly was.  With that, you only got a short “Thanks” and “Bye” of them and right after those words had been spoken, they got themselves out of the infirmary without saying just another word. And while this was by far not the worst case scenario, you knew that your time of adjusting was over with these few minutes that were surely just the beginning of a ton of tense encounters.  “Delivery for the doc?”, a warm, familiar voice filled up the room, its suddeness that cut through the silence from one moment to another letting you flinch as you turned around and saw Negan standing by the side entrance door with a large wooden box in his hands that he quickly let down by the door as he moved inside towards you. “Fuck, you look like ya saw a damn ghost. Did I scare you that much?”, he chuckled as he reached you, moving in to grasp your jaw and press a kiss over your lips. Humming you leaned into him, kissing him back until he slowly let go of you and looked over your face, almost as if he was trying to read off of your expression what exactly was wrong. “Two of Maggie’s people were here just now”,  you eventually mumbled, watching his face tense up quickly before you shook your head softly. “They didn’t do anything but their attitude changed up real quick once they heard my name”, you mumbled, sighing softly as you shrugged your shoulders,”At least didn’t throw any remarks around but the silence was awkward as hell.” Negan only nodded, his face a little less tense than before but still far from relaxed as you leaned up to press another small kiss over his lips. “Now what’s the delivery? I’m curious”, you asked, trying to switch up the topic as you nodded towards the box that still stood by the door and Negan’s face began to light back up.  “Went out with your colleague’s husband today and got some cuts for those herbs you needed”, he said as he let go of you and strolled over to the door to heave the box with a small grunt up and carry it over to the counter by your side ,”Daniel and I wanna go out an dig ‘em up some other day. Steve told him getting some tinctures and salves done is kinda urgent so we thought we’d get some cuts for y’all first.” “Oh that’s awesome”, you said, glimpsing into the box that was filled with neatly tied bundles of herbs, though your excitement wasn’t only directed at the new supplies but also at the fact that Negan seemed to have had a rather positive experience with another Alexandrian, and he could use that at the moment.  “We got a bunch of chamomile, some burning nettles, comfrey, burdock, dandelions and some lavender”, Negan mumbled as he gestured into the box as you peeked inside,”Reading those damn plant books down in that fucking cell finally pays off. First that Hogweed shit with Aaron and now this.”  A chuckle fell from your lips as you reached inside the box and grasped the small bundle of lavender and held it up to your nose to smell its calming scent. “Oh this smells so good”, you mumbled, backing a little off to glimpse at the small and pretty lilac blossoms ,”Crazy how fast everything’s blooming now. Feels like those pretty wildflowers by the woodhouses also just popped up from one day to another.”  Laying the lavender back into the box you moved closer to Negan to wrap your arms around his neck and lean into kiss him softly, smiling as you leaned back to glimpse at him. “Thank you”,you mumbled, reaching your hand up to run it trough his dark hair and elicited a small, content groan to fall from Negan’s lips ,”How were things with Daniel outside?” “Actually pretty damn good”, Negan said, the grin on his face growing a little wider and some more relief spread through you,”Nice guy, really...felt good just being looked at like a normal damn person.” “See”, you mumbled, giving him another smile,”Told you there’s also people who’ve grown to accept you. Not everything’s bad.” Slowly, Negan nodded, the smile still resting on his lips. Things wouldn’t become easier, if anything had shown you that it was the encounter with Cole and Linda just now, but these little positive news were enough to let you realize once more that there were still people in this town that were starting to accept Negan. You just couldn’t let the opinions of those that still despised him overshadow those who were willing to give him an honest chance to start anew.

4 days after Maggie’s arrival A deep sigh fell from your lips as you fumbled the DVD of the likely most horrible horror movie you’d watched to this day out of the console, popping it quickly back into its packaging to push it, hopefully, to never be seen again into the TV shelf. Glimpsing over your shoulder you watched as Negan poured the both of you new drinks in the kitchen, waiting for you to choose the next thing to watch for your daily little movie night that would hopefully distract you from the cliché filled atrocity you’d just watched.  Shifting on the fluffly carpet you moved along the backs of the DVD packages until you found the one you wanted and pulled it out just as you saw the lights in the kitchen turn off again and heard Negan’s footsteps coming closer. “Watcha poppin’ in there?”, he asked, curiously rising his eyebrows as he tried to peek at the package in your hands and took a small sip of his whiskey. ““Can you resist?” I need something trashy and fun after that bummer”, you said with a small chuckle and held the tacky, and bright colored packaging up, just enough for Negan to see it as he sat down on the edge of the couch and brightly grinned at you. “Need something to calm ya down?”, he asked, tease swinging heavily through his voice ,”Was that thing too scary for you?” “No”, you quickly retorted before you popped the package open,“I just need to erase that crap from my mind.” “Sure thing.” “Asshole”, you chuckled in response to his comment that just oozed sarcasm, leaning in over to him to give his leg a small, playful slap while a thick laugh rumbled up his throat. Glimpsing back down you moved the DVD into the console, a little more eager to finally get it running. The first four episodes that you’d watched during the last nights had already been nothing but a fun guilty pleasure, that got so much better with Negan’s remarks about the candidates and whatever actions they were pulling at the moment. If you were honest, those remarks were likely what you enjoyed most about watching the show. “I swear if Sarah and Chad are the first fuckin’ faces we see, I’m gonna lose my shit”, Negan groaned as he stood up from the couch’s edge and moved back to his usual spot, plopping down onto it, careful to not spill any of your drinks as he threw his legs onto the cushions. “I’ve never seen two people on TV who’ve got on my nuts that much”, he scoffed, sipping once more on his glass as you grabbed the remote and moved back over to him,”I get it, not fuckin’ is hard but not so fuckin’ hard to resist if 100 thousand dollar are on the damn line. Just resist for a while and then have a big-ass fuckfest after you collect the damn coin.” “At least the drama’s good”, you chuckled back, reaching for your glass as you  moved in next to him and started the show, almost eager to forget about that dumb movie and hear what kind of remarks Negan had to offer up for this episode. “That’s true”, he mumbled as you set your glass back on the coffee table and cuddled up to his side, watching the screen load before another contestant’s face showed up on the screen and a relieved groan fell from Negan’s lips,”Oh thank god...Y’know who that guy reminds me of?” Glancing up you looked in between Negan and the young man that was shown on TV, trying to figure out for a moment who he could refer to before you shook your head and watched Negan’s grin flare up once more. “Gabey.” “What?”, it fell from your lips with a laugh, as you glimpsed confused back to Negan. “Y’know he’s acting all coy and shit but I bet he might be kinkier than we think”, he said, grinning widely as he bit his lip before he gestured to the TV ,”I’m sure he’s gonna get laid by that Valerie girl.” “You sure he won’t be able to resist?”, you mumbled, tilting your head a little as said Valerie showed up on screen and started to move towards Gabey 2.0 ,”He’s been responsible till now.” “Till now”, Negan grinned, holding his pointing finger up before he snickered and grinned just a little wider,”He’s gonna break at some point...especially if she keeps on inviting him on those dates...and I can’t wait for the shit storm that will break loose once that happens.”

7 days after Maggie’s arrival The sun was already nearing the skyline of the trees and filled the air with its warm light as you reached your home after a long day of work. You’d stayed a little longer at the infirmary today, fixing up some new tinctures with the herbs that Negan and Daniel had brought in and by now, you were just glad to finally come home and fill your stomach up with whatever delicious meal Negan had prepared by now.  Once you reached your home you quickly moved up the porch, taking two steps at the time only to hear the door opening as soon as you reached the top. “Hey Sweetheart”, Negan said, a wide grin on his face as he leaned against the doorframe while your eyes ran over him. Usually, he was already in his comfortable clothes around this time, ready to just relax for the rest of the day but now, he looked like he’d freshly slicked back his hair and threw some fresh dark gray pants on and a white shirt on. You most definitely weren’t complaining, but you were still surprised. “Hey”, you said back, grinning back at him as you moved in to greet him with a kiss, peeking curiously past him as you caught a high vase on the dinner table that was filled with the pretty wildflowers you’d seen blooming by the woodhouses and that only sparked your curiosity further. “What’s going on here?”, you asked as you leaned a bit back and tilted your head slightly, watching as something that looked a little but like nervousness spread over his face as he took your hand and lead you inside, where you could already smell the delicious scent of Negan’s spaghetti sauce filling the air. “Y’know...around this time last year I put that ring on your finger”, he said as he closed the door behind you and looked down to your hand before glimpsing right back up at you with a warm but still slightly nervous look in his eyes,”I can’t be sure about the exact date but I...I thought it would be nice to celebrate our anniversary in some way...I just wanted to do something special for you.” From one moment to another the smile on your lips got wider, bringing warmth all over you as you looked from the flowers in the vase, to the few burning thick candles, to the nicely set table and the fresh basket of self made biscuits that was laying beside the cutlery.  “Wow, I-” “You said you liked ‘em so I thought they’d make a nice bouquet, uhm-”, Negan said as he nodded towards the flowers. The slight nervousness that filled the usually so confident and self-assure man was honestly adorable and you found yourself charmed as he moved from your side over to his chair and picked up something that he’d been hiding there till now ,”I got something else for you too.” With that he lifted up a pretty, dark brown leather bound notebook from its spot, a loving look filling his eyes as he moved back over to you. “You always said you wanted to create some kinda handbook for those healing herbs and stuff but you never actually got to do it before...so when I was out there getting those herb cuts, I got the idea and thought I’d start it for you.” “Holy shit”, it left your lips as you reached in to accept his gift, already smiling widely as you glimpsed at the notebook,”Thank you.” Your mouth fell softly open as you glanced down, running your thumb over the soft leather as more warmth filled you. Spending your time either working at the infirmary or being down by Negan in his cell for the last years had never given you the time to start a book like this, and it got you even happier now that it was him who gave it to you. It was personal and it was perfect and as you finally opened it the smile on your face grew only wider.

To the best wife (and doc) ever! Happy anniversary, Sweetheart I love you 

Negan’s handwriting filled the whole top of the first page, neat and not as messy as you were used to it and you could tell that it had cost him some effort to get it this way.  And just as your eyes swayed over the last three words they got captured by the smaller written line at the bottom of the page. P.S. You have, and always will, give my dick and my heart the biggest boner!

With that, a laugh fell from your lips as your eyes ran over the sentence, while the smile on your lips surely turned into an everlasting one. You loved the sweet message on the top of the page, but this down there was Negan through and through and that made it even more special to you. “First thought I’d hold myself a bit back in case you’d want others to look into it too”, Negan chuckled as you finally glimpsed up to him from the book and he winked at you,”Couldn’t go through with it all the way tho.” “I’m glad you didn’t”, you chuckled, your curiosity taking over again as you started to turn the pages and found yourself loving the book more and more with every second. Negan had taken a leaf or blossom of each of the herbs that he’d found outside, dried them and carefully glued them into the book, dedicating a page for each of the dried samples with their names written neatly on top of them and with enough pages left between each of them for you to fill with whatever notes and knowledge you had about them. “Oh my”, it fell from your lips as you browsed through the book that must have been a whole lot of work, especially considering that he always only had time to work on it whenever he got earlier back from his shifts than you. “Wish I could give you more, I know it’s not much-”, you suddenly heard him start, cut off by your sudden movement as you looked up at him and glanced wide eyes at him. “Are you kidding me?”,you asked, a soft chuckle falling from your lips as you widely smiled at him ,”This is so awesome. I love it!” Negan’s face began to light up as his eyes roamed over your happy face, his glance softening as you sat the book carefully down onto the table and moved in to hug him tightly. “Thank you so so much”, you mumbled, nuzzling your nose into his warm neck while his arms wrapped around you and pulled you closer into his embrace,”This is so sweet.” You’d never had such a thing as an anniversary before, there had never been this moment where the both of you had decided that you were a couple, it had just happened, little by little until you found yourself in love with one another and you’d always liked it this way. But this, this was special. It was something you’d never been able to do during all these years down in that cell and celebrating just anything with him now got you happy, just as the realization that you’d been calling him your husband for a year now. Leaning back you tipped up to meet his lips in a kiss, humming into him before you could feel a tiny bit of guilt starting to prick you as you realized that you were pretty much empty handed. “Now I don’t even have anything for you”, you mumbled as you let got of his lips, watching as Negan quickly shook his head. “And you don’t need to”, he mumbled, moving in to cup your face with his hands as he leaned down to press another kiss over your lips,”What you did during the last years is more than I could ever give back to you.” A small sigh left his lips as he glimpsed at you, licking his lips as his eyes stayed fixed on you. “Shit, everything you dragged down that cell to make it look more comfy was basically a damn gift”, he mumbled, a small snort falling from his lips before he shrugged his shoulders softly,”I could never give you one.” “You gave me this”, you said, holding up your left hand and the slim diamond wedding ring Negan had fixed up for you,”That’s a pretty big one.” A hum fell from Negan’s lips as his eyes swayed from the ring back to you as you let your arm lower and wrap back around his torso again. “I’m serious tho”, you mumbled, sure to keep his eyes locked on yours ,”I know you won’t believe that but you’ve given me just as much as I have given you, in one way or another. We’re even, Negan.” He softly nodded, and even though he did, you knew he’d never truly think this way. “Thank you so much for this”, you mumbled, looking over from the flowers and the notebook back at your husband ,”It’s perfect...I don’t even really know what to say I just-....I love you so much.” “I love you too”, Negan mumbled back, moving back in to kiss you, this time longer and with more passion, until your knees started to feel gooey and you found yourself melted against him. Slowly and reluctantly, Negan let go of your lips and leaned his forehead against yours, smiling widely as you heard the blubbering of the still simmering tomato sauce on the stove and let a small chuckle fall from your lips. “I want some of those spaghetti now tho...I’m starving.”

The spaghetti were as great as always and you quickly filled your stomach up with the delicious meal, loving every little moment of your anniversary dinner with Negan until you decided to quickly hop under the shower so you could enjoy the rest of the night with him down in the living room.  With a towel wrapped around your body and busy with drying off your hair with another, smaller one you moved from the bathroom back into the bedroom, lost in your thoughts for a moment as your eyes swayed over the trees outside that were only enlighted by now by the faint moonlight until your eyes dropped from the windows and landed on Negan’s leatherjacket that laid over the back of the desk-chair.  Smiling softly you moved towards it, running your fingers over the smooth leather until it clicked within you from one moment to another and an idea quickly rose up into your head that would allow you to still give Negan a little gift for the anniversary as well.  Dropping the towel from your body you tossed it along with the smaller one to the bed and grabbed the jacket to slip it over your bare body, chuckling to yourself as you already imagined his reaction to it and could feel an anticipating tingling growing quickly within you.  A small grin already laid on your face as you adjusted the oversized jacket on your body and started to move downstairs as quietly as you could, aiming to not let Negan see you until you wanted him too. Peeking inside the living room you saw him sitting relaxed on the couch, leaned back into the cushions and with his back darted towards you as he looked through some DVDs. Gulping softly you moved forwards, extra careful to not step onto the floorboards that were usually squeaking a little underneath your feet until you stood right behind Negan. Slowly, you lowered yourself a little until you could wrap your leather clad arms around him from behind and leaned in, just enough to align your lips with his ear. “I have a little surprise for you after all”, you whispered, immediately hearing a sharp breath falling from Negan’s lips as he turned around and stared with wide eyes at you that started to narrow as soon as his glance wandered over you. “Holy fuck”, he growled, licking his lips as he rushed up from the couch and rounded it within seconds, hurrying over to you while his eyes already filled with the lust you knew all too well. ”Thought we could check off another goal from that bucket list of yours”, you said with a grin as soon as he reached you, his eyes still roaming over you like a hungry predator that was looking at its prey. ”Oh for fuckin’ sure”, you could hear him murmur as he leaned down to met you in a rough kiss, his hands already starting to move underneath the leather and wander over your bare skin.  Running your hands through his hair you winced softly against his lips as he lead you towards the dinner table, groaning into you as your body met the wood.  ”This gotta be a fuckin’ dream”, he grumbled, only letting go of you to look down at you,”Don’t know how often I’ve imagined you wearing only that jacket, fuck.” You quickly found yourself in another rough kiss, only breaking it to get the rest of the stuff off the table along with the vase of flowers and the notebook before you felt Negan pushing you against it, more than ready to take this further. “Fuckin’ hell”, you heard him groan against your lips as his hands moved below the jacket and cupped your breasts, fondling them and brushing his rough thumbs over your sensitive nipples while you leaned into his touch, eager to get more of it. Humming his lips trailed down from your mouth to your neck, kissing and nipping at it as your hand dove into his thick hair and grasped it tightly as you felt him biting the skin gently but firm enough to let a small sting shoot through your body. “Oh fuck”, it fell softly from your lips, your eyes closing for a moment before you felt one of his hands traveling up to cup your throat, squeezing it lightly as he leaned back and grinned down at you. “Sit and lean back, Baby”, he said lowly, not needing to do much more for you to do as he said as you could already feel your body tingling in anticipation of what was to come while his hand was still wrapped around your throat. Breathing sharply in you leaned back until your leather covered back meet the wood, your fingers running over its roughness while your eyes found Negan’s that were staring narrowed down on you. “This, shit, this is a sight for the gods”, he murmured, licking his lips as the wolfish grin on his lips widened, enjoying the view for a moment longer until his hand ran from your neck down your breasts and your stomach until he started to lower himself to his knees.  A shiver ran down your spine as you could feel him grabbing your legs to push them over his shoulders and move his head so close to your middle that you could feel his hot breath ghosting over your flesh. Slowly but surely you could feel Negan’s lips trailing along your inner thighs, his rough beard brushing against them until you could finally feel the warmth of his mouth meeting your middle and a low groan vibrated against your sensitive flesh. A small gasp left your mouth as you felt him dragging his tongue along your core, humming deeply as he tasted you and you could feel the heat within you growing hotter as it pooled in your body’s depth. The sensation of his rough beard and his soft lips and tongue made you wince in pleasure as he worked on you, moving one of his hands towards your hot flesh to send more waves of heat through you. Tipping your head back, you felt his long fingers teasing over your clit, before his thumb moved in firm, circling movements over the sensitive numb, enough to make your body tingle even more.  Negan knew what you liked. Hell, Negan knew every little inch of your body and he surely knew how to use that for his advantage. In no time he turned you into a writhing mess as his fingers and tongue worked on you and you found yourself grabbing his hair as your body started to tremble, filled up with heat and pleasure. Softly moaning you met your hips gently in rhythm with his movements until could feel an uneasy sound fall from his lips as his deep voice vibrated against your flesh ,”Fuck, I can’t wait anymore...shit, I’m rock hard.” “Then take me”, it slipped from your lips, your body eager to feel just any touch from him, feel his tongue or his lips, or feel him thrust deeply into you. Negan was quick back on his feet, a wicked look on his face as you whined in response to the loss of his touch, though you got quickly rewarded as you rose your head just enough to see him pulling his clothes from his body. Step by step you could see more of him, his toned body, the dark hair that peppered his chest and the trail that down his pants that got you excited regardless how many times you’d already seen him undress. You could already see the large tent underneath his boxers as he pulled his pants from his body and tossed them to the side, grinning wolfishly before he brushed the very last piece from his body and revealed his throbbing erection. He was as rock hard as he’d said, precum already leaking from the tip as he stroked himself, enough to let the anticipation skyrocket within you.  His eyes kept on roaming over your naked figure underneath his leather jacket as he moved in to grab your legs, pushing them up and leaning them against his shoulders as he moved between them, the wicked grin always on his face while your body started to tremble harder. His fingers were digging into your skin as one of his hands ran down to get a grasp of himself and lead himself closer, eliciting a sharp breath to fall from your lips as soon as you felt his tip pushing against your core. “Eyes on me”, you could hear him order lowly, enough to make your glance shoot towards him and just in the very moment your eyes met his, you felt him thrusting himself into you, hard and deep while your face twisted in pleasure. A loud moan fell from your lips as your eyes stayed fixed on Negan, his lips hanging open as he groaned deeply as he grasped both of your legs tightly. “That pussy was made for me, fuck”, he groaned, licking his lips as he started to rock himself into you and his thick brows tensed as his darkened eyes stared down on you as you twitched and writhed on his cock. His fingers were digging deeply into the flesh of your legs, so much that you were sure that he was leaving marks but you couldn’t care less, you just wanted to feel him. Whining in pleasure you could feel Negan pulling himself a little out of your heat only to plow himself right back into you, groaning loudly as his skin smacked against yours and his thick cock filled you up in the very best way possible “Fuck”, it fell from your lips as Negan rocked himself into you, allowing you to meet his harsh but rhythmic movements as your hands were moving to grasp the edges of the table, desperate to hold onto anything as his fast and hard thrusts made the wood shake underneath you. “Fuck, Negan...fuck this feels so good”, you called out, writhing and humming as his heavy thrusts made you shake a little more one after one, only to see how another grin spread over his strained face. “Oh I think I got a little treat for ya”, he growled and pushed himself harder into you, before one of his hands reached down to circle his thumb over the sensitive bundle of nerves, enough to make you throw your head back in pleasure.  ”Oh my”, it fell in a gasp from your lips as you felt Negan’s thrusts and the movements of his fingers combining perfectly, bringing the mix of lust and pleasure within you to boil up even more than it already had. ”Good girl”, he growled, as you rocked your hips against his and played into his movements all while you gripped the table’s edges harder, feeling your body heating up even more as Negan’s thrusts got harder and he put more pressure onto your clit, just enough to make your body shake more. You were starting to swing more in a trance, feel each of his touches even more intense than before. Feel his rough grasp on your leg, feel his rough thrusts, feel his fingers skilled movements over your clit and feel his scent and the feeling of the smooth leather of his jacket surround you. “Be my dirty girl and cum on my cock, baby. Cum on my fucking cock!”, Negan called out as you were growing closer to your high, thrust by thrust until he finally send you over the edge and let your orgasm wash over you as he fucked you through it. Heavily breathing you could feel your chest rising and falling quickly as you slowly started to recover, though you stayed stuck in this haze of pleasure as you saw Negan’s eyes looking over you, visibly enjoying seeing you writhe on his cock while your bare body was only surrounded by his leather jacket. The grin on his lips was wide as he finally let go of your clit and instead moved up to wrap his hand around the back of your neck, and pulled your still shaking body up to face him. “C’mere”, he growled, still keeping his movements going as you tried recollect yourself somehow and moved in to wrap your shaking legs around his hips, allowing him to thrust deeper. “Fucking hell”, he cussed out, his body tensing up as he rocked himself harder into you, stretching you out perfectly and hitting all the right spots as you moved your arms to wrap them around his neck, moaning and panting as you tried to meet his movements and give him the very same pleasure he had just given you.  Glimpsing with a still hazy look in your eyes down, you watched him dragging himself back and forth into you before you felt his hands moving down to your hips, pushing you harder onto him as he moaned deeply. Taking the chance you leaned in to brush your lips over his neck and nipped on his heated skin, while more curses left his lips one by one.  Reaching one of his hands up he grasped your jaw harshly, pulling you to his lips to he met you in a rough kiss that swallowed both of your moans and deep groans as Negan started to grow closer and closer. His thrusts grew harsher but sloppier, your kiss disrupted by his heavy pants that rumbled through his broad chest as his eyes found yours to keep them locked as he rocked himself harder into you. “Holy fuck...”, he groaned, pleasure written all over his face as his movements got faster and you allowed him to use you just the way he wanted right now until you finally felt him twitch deeply inside you.  A shivering groan fell from his lips as he pulled himself just fast enough out of you, his body shivering harshly as he spilled himself over your stomach while the shocks of his orgasm rumbled through him. Panting his eyes fell from yours and fixed on his leatherjacket and your body that was covered in his cum, until he exhaustedly leaned against you, his forehead pressing against yours as you leaned in to cup his face and pressed a kiss over his lips. “Happy anniversary, Negan.”

9 days after Maggie’s arrival The afternoon sun fell brightly over Alexandria as you strolled through the infirmary, Negan’s handbook in one hand and a pen and Siddiq’s old notes about the herbs in your other as you headed towards the porch. You’d already started to work on the book a little during yesterday’s evening, but your small break now seemed like a good opportunity to continue with it. Rounding your last corner you peaked outside and saw Judith sitting at the end of the table on the porch, writing something while a couple pens were sprawled out around her. “Hey Jude”, you said with a smile as you moved outside, closing the door behind yourself as you nodded towards her,”Watcha doing?” “Homework...and I’m waiting for Lydia”, she sighed as she looked up from her paper before a small smile grew on her lips as she nodded towards the small lake on the other side of the road,”I like the view here, makes it easier to study.” “Oh that’s true, it’s real pretty here”, you said as you moved closer and nodded towards one of the free chairs diagonally from her,“Mind if I join?” Shaking her head she quickly moved some of the sprawled out pens closer to her to give you a bit more space before you sat down and laid stuff onto the table, just as something on the street caught your gaze. Tension washed over your body from one moment to another as you caught Maggie walking down the street, her son strolling right next to her as they chatted with each other. You tried to dart your glance quickly away from her but before you could her eyes met yours and let a shiver run down your back as the smile on her face turned into a frown within seconds. “What’s this?”, you suddenly heard Judith’s voice say,  pulling you from Maggie’s stare as you glanced over at Judith and saw her pointing at the notebook, and though you knew that she was curious, the look in her eyes said more than 1000 words could. She was trying to distract you and you were going to let her. “Gonna be a handbook for all the herbs we use in here”, you said, quickly opening up the book to show her the pages that were filled with the dried herb samples-  “Oh that’s nice”, she said, smiling brightly as she pointed at the dried comfrey leaf,”Can I?” Nodding, you watched her lean over and stroke her finger over the texture of the leaf, giggling as she fell back onto her chair, “Wow, that’s so cool.” “Gotta tell Negan that, he dried them”, you said with a chuckle just as her eyes fell on the street and she let out a small laugh. “Speaking of.” Turning your head you saw Negan strolling down the street towards the infirmary, ready to pick you up for your shift later this day while Lydia walked next to him. “Hey ladies”, Negan called out with quick wave and a grin as he reached the porch and nodded to Lydia next to him,”Found out we wanted to head to the same place.” “Hi”, Lydia said with a smile as she moved towards you, sat down across from you and set her book down on the table, smiling softly once more as you greeted her back and saw Negan plopping down on the chair beside her.  “Think you could help me with a math problem?”, Judith finally asked as she reached for another slim book of hers and flipped through the pages as she glimpsed at Negan who quickly nodded. “Sure thing, lemme see”, he said, reaching his hand out for the book before Judith’s eyes fell on you as she nodded towards the book. “Or do you wanna?” “Nah I can pass on math”, you chuckled, watching Judith tilt her head a little before her glance bounced in between you and Negan. “But you’re not as long out of school as Negan.” “Hey, that’s not fair, that doesn’t mean shit”, Negan called out in the very next moment, a wide grin growing on his lips as nodded at you,”And she’s outta school for a long ass time too.” “Not as long as you”, Judith quickly countered, and a grin pressed over her lips ,”She’s still young. You’re old.” “Pff I’m not”, Negan defended himself, while another giggle fell from Judith’s lips. “Then why’s your beard so gray?” “Careful Miss Grimes, you’re gettin’ bold”, Negan called playfully out, pointing at her before he snatched the book with a thick laugh and a wide grin on his face from his fingers, just as you heard someone clearing his throat behind you. “Hey”, you heard Steve say as soon as you turned around to him, catching him leaning against the door as he nodded inside,”Can I talk to you for a moment?” Strolling behind Steve into the infirmary you already expected him to ask you for help with the tinctures or salves that he’d been mixing earlier but instead, he stopped by the counters and nodded outside to the porch where Negan and the girls still sat. “How about you take the rest of the day off? Negan too?” “I-”,you started, so surprised of him that you didn’t even really know what to say first, “I would love to but I don’t know if that would make a good impression.” “Day’s pretty, most have laid their work low today”, he said with a shrug, gesturing around the room,”Infirmary is quiet and honestly, Daniel’s working at the woodhouses today so  I wouldn’t mind taking over Negan’s shift.” “Really?”, it fell from our lips with the same surprised tone as before, your eyes wide as you started at him and couldn’t quite belief his offer yet. He’d always belonged to the kinder people in Alexandria, those who were willing to give your husband a chance but this was still something big for you. “Really”, he confirmed while the look in his eyes softened a  little,”I think you deserve a bit time off too...and I’ll vouch for Negan if anyone questions it.” With that he surprised completely once for all, so much that it had to be written all over your face since Steve let out a small chuckle and shrugged his shoulders. “I may have thought differently about him a couple years ago but...he’s done good”, he said, his hand rubbing over his blonde beard stubble as he glimpsed back at you ,”And Daniel had only good things to say about him. So go have a nice afternoon off with him.” “Thank you”, you breathed out, still staring startled at him as you gulped thickly ,”Really, I-” “All good”, he said with a nod as you found yourself lost at words for a moment before you started to collect yourself again. “If you need a shift covered to have time off with Daniel you’ll let me know too, alright?” “Sure”, he said with a smile, before he nodded outside where you could hear Negan laughing,”See you tomorrow.” Nodding you watched him move back upstairs where he’d been working just as you could feel the happiness his sudden offer had brought into you starting to feel real. Smiling to yourself you moved back over to the door, hearing Negan defending himself loudly. “Now that ain’t true! I make the best damn spaghetti!”, he called out just as you could peek through the door and see him nodding at Lydia and Judith ,”Y’know if you’re allowed, you can come over whenever you guys like and I’ll make ‘em for you. They’re the best!” “Barbara’s are pretty good”, Judith countered back, the grin on her lips pretty telling that she wanted to vex Negan. “Yeah”, you could see Lydia nod, a small grin on her face as well Negan let out a thick groan. “Not as good as mine!”, he defended himself again, though the playful look was still spread over his face as he caught you walking outside and pointed at you,“Tell them!” “He makes the best spaghetti, you should come over and try it”, you chuckled  as you leaned yourself against the frame of the door and nodded at him,”I got some other good news too.” Quickly after finishing helping Judith with her math-problem you made your way back home, ecstatic to be able to spend your afternoon off together in your garden and use the beautiful weather outside to the fullest. Quickly, you switched into comfy clothes, got the sandwiches ready and prepared a comfy space outside with some thick blankets and pillows to cushion you from the grassy ground in the garden. Moving through the house you held two glasses of lemonade in your hands, made of an unopened can you’d found in the back of your pantry, the same one Negan had already loved years back. “I got a little surprise”,you said as you strolled down the porch’s stairs, grinning at Negan as he turned around from his spot on the blankets,”Was still unopened in the back of the cupboard.” “No way”, he called out, his eyes lightening up as he looked at the lemonade like a kid looked at their Christmas presents ,”Holy fuck.” Chuckling you handed Negan his glass, that he eagerly took into his hand and gulped the first sip of lemonade down. “God damn”, he called out, sighing contently as he looked down at the ,”This is like slurpin’ fucking sunrays.” Licking his lips he grinned at you as you let yourself fall next to him, sipping on your lemonade as well as Negan gestured to the sandwiches that were sprawled out over the big plate. “And now let’s get into this, I’m hungry as hell, ain’t gonna lie.”

Filled up till the rim you soon found yourself laying next to Negan, cuddled up into his side while you stared at the few clouds that travelled over the bright blue sky. Negan’s head was leaning against yours, his lips brushing against your forehead while his fingers stroke softly up and down your arm and content hums rumbled through his chest. “Fuck, this is all I wanna do tonight, just lay here all sprawled out”, his voice hummed against you as he pressed a soft kiss to your skin and nuzzled his nose into your hair.“ You don’t wanna cross off sex under the stars from your bucket list?”, you teased with a soft chuckle, hearing a small snicker fall from Negan’s lips before you could feel him slightly shaking his head. “Some other night”, he mumbled, pulling you a little closer as another sigh left his lips ,”Just wanna hold you and soak up some of that  peacefulness.” “Sounds good”, you mumbled with a smile, moving in to press a kiss against his neck and you cuddled deeper into his warm embrace.

Minute for minute you enjoyed the moments with Negan outside, just relaxing and chatting while you sipped some more lemonade and watched the sun starting to move behind the treeline. The edges of the clouds gleamed brightly in the last light that got reflected onto them while the sun’s last breaths turned the sky into a beautiful mix of warm colors that melted into the blue.   Smiling you glimpsed from the sky to the small daisy that you were twirling in between your Fingers, only one of the many that were sprawled out over the lawn. With a chuckle you  propped yourself onto your elbow, glancing at Negan who glimpsed from the sky down at you with a curious look on his face. “Watcha doin?”, he chuckled as you leaned in to stick the daisy behind his ear, grinning as you watched his thick brows bounce up in surprise. “Just givin’ you a little makeover”, you chuckled, tilting your head bit to the side as you looked at him with a teasing grin,”Think you should wear daises more often, they really suit you.” “Well, what can I say?”, he snickered, shrugging his shoulders as the smirk on his lips grew a little wider ”I can rock any look.” “For sure”, you laughed, adjusting the flower so it wouldn’t lose its balance before you teased your fingers through his thick hair. “Makes me look really fucking intimidating, huh?”, he grinned, licking his lips as he narrowed his eyes playfully at you,”Shittin’ your pants already?” “Absolutely”, you snickered, nodding as you as Negan let out a thick laugh, the rumbling of his body enough to let the small flower slip from his ear again. “Ah shit”, he grumbled, reaching to the side of his head to grasp the daisy. He glimpsed at it for a second before he reached towards you and tucked the flower onto your ear. “Looks much better on you tho”, he chuckled, grinning softly as he looked over you and you shook your head with small laugh. “Pff I’m not so sure about that”, you snickered as you moved into cuddle up against him again, using his arm as your pillow as you looked back up into the sky. Your eyes roamed over the colors that seemed to flow into one another while the edges of light around the clouds turned from a vibrant, bright orange into a soft, milder one. “You’re such a sucker for sunsets”, you heard Negan chuckle beside you, tease swinging heavily through his voice as you glimpsed from the sky back over at him and let out a playful huff. “How can anyone not be a sucker for them?”, you chuckled as you glimpsed from your husband back up at the sky,”Really, I don’t know how that’s even possible.” Smiling your eyes swayed over the colors again, taking them in one by one, from the almost lavenderlike lilac,,  to the soft pink to the warm orange. ”They’re some of the only things you can count on always being beautiful, no matter how awful everything gets. Same thing with those wildflowers”, you mumbled, sighing softly as you cuddled into to the cushions underneath your body, ”I know that sounds cheesy but they’re little reminders that not everything pretty is lost...i just-...I really like that.” You almost waited for Negan to say something, either agree with you or tease you a little more but instead, you could see him looking at you from the corner of your eyes, silently while you’d talked.  Moving your head you found his hazel eyes traveling over your face, a loving, warm look stuck within them while a soft smile played around his lips. “Mhm?”, you hummed, almost waiting for him to say something but instead of hearing his voice, you saw him slowly moving in, grasping your face with one of his large hands before his lips met yours in a deep kiss.  Sighing into him you kissed him back, feeling his soft lips caressing over yours while his beard stubble scrapped softly against your skin and his thumb stroke gently along your cheek. “Just fuckin’ love listening to you ramble all excited”, Negan finally mumbled as he let slowly go of his lips, though remained close as he gave you a grin,”You know that. I could hear you ramble ‘bout dog shit and I’d still listen.” Your smile mixed with a grin as you glimpsed up at him, still feeling his fingers brushing softly up and down the side of his face as he nodded at you. “So go on”, he grumbled with a grin while another chuckle fell from his lips,”I wanna hear more.” “About the dog shit or what?”, you mumbled back, watching a laugh fall from Negan’s lips as he moved his hand to give your waist a playful pinch. “’Bout the fuckin’ sunsets!” “Well this is not a complain, but you brought me out of my flow”, you mumbled, leaning up to peck his lips softly before you leaned back and watched him wink at you. “You’ll find back into it.”

You did. Somehow at least. You found yourself chatting and laughing with him while the sky turned more and more into a variety of purple and dark, lavish blue, revealing the stars the day had been hiding. Cuddled up underneath one of the blankets and enclosed in Negan’s warmth you were fully happy and peaceful, just happy about the present moment. Not thinking about the past, not worrying about the future.  

11 days after Maggie’s arrival A yawn fell from your lips as you moved through the bathroom, massaging some moisturizer into your face’s tried skin as you stumbled through the door into the bedroom and found Negan already laying in bed, reading one of the books he’d taken from the farmhouse. “It’s good?”, you asked as you shut the lights down in the bathroom and closed the door behind yourself, watching as Negan’s glance quickly moved up from the pages. “Hell yeah”, he chuckled, nodding towards the book as he let out a small groan, “I need ya to read it when I’m done. Really, need someone to talk to about the fuckery that’s happening in here.” “Alright, I will”, you chuckled back, strolling over to the bed while Negan kept talking. “I mean the characters in here are awesome but fuck, there’s this one couple that’s just getting on my nuts”, he sighed as you moved in to crawl into the bed and slip underneath the warm sheets to him,”Kinda remind me of Sarah and that douchey guy from that trashy show.” “Chad?”, you asked, watching him snip his fingers as he let out a thick laugh. “Yep!”, he called out, snickering as you moved in to cuddle up into his side and allowed him to wrap his arm around you,”Fuck, it’s always’s a Chad, huh?” “Always”, you chuckled, sinking a little deeper into the cushions of the bed as you nodded towards the book, “You wanna tell me what they’re doing to be so awful?” “Don’t wanna spoiler you”, Negan grumbled, stopping for a moment as if he was pondering before he let out a sigh,”They’re just being annoying fucks all the time, fucking shit up for everyone else.” “Yeah, sounds a lot like Sarah and Chad”, you mumbled back, chuckling softly as you leaned in to nuzzle your head against his bare shoulder. “Done with the book for today?”, Negan asked, nodding towards the handbook that laid on your nightstand while you slowly nodded. “Yeah”, you mumbled, glimpsing at the book for a moment before you cuddled closer again,”Too sleepy to do more, don’t wanna write mistakes in there or mess it up with some sleepy messy handwriting.” A hum left Negan’s lips as he reached for his bookmark and slipped it between the open pages, shutting it before he laid it back onto his nightstand. “You don’t have to stop for me”, you mumbled, nuzzling your nose into his skin before you felt Negan moving over the mattress. “Mhm but I want to”, he mumbled, turning himself so he could roll onto his side, pull you closer against him and meet your lips in a slow kiss. Smiling against his lips you huddled up closer, running your hand up his chest until you could toy softly with his chesthair and hear a deep hum rumble up his throat.  Sighing he slowly started to let go of you, moving his hand in to tease his thumb over your jaw while his eyes ran over your face. For a few moments it was quiet and you just found yourself glancing at him, your eyes running over his handsome face, those puppy eyes and the salt and pepper beard that was just slightly longer than usual before he thickly gulped. “How long do you think this all will go well?”, he finally spoke out, his voice heavy as he bit his lip. “Each time I only see her from afar I feel like she’s more tense...no matter how much she tries to ignore me ”, he added, sighing heavily as he shook his head slightly,”Like some fucking vulcano that’s gonna break out at some point.” “I don’t know”, you finally whispered truthfully, swallowing heavily as you tried to find no let any of your fears get the best of you,”I just know that we’ll deal with it...like we’ve done with everything else” Your voice was quiet but hopeful as you glanced up at him, your fingers moving from his chest to his face as you softly ran your fingertips through his beard, just in the very same way that usually made him relax “And Carol still has to hold up her end of the bargain, she told me she would. She’s been in and out of Alexandria for the last couple days but if I see her next time, I’ll make sure to remind her of what she said to me”, you said, stopping your soft movements for a moment as you made sure to keep his eyes looked onto yours. “We’ll find a way”, you mumbled, before a small sigh slipped from your lips as you cuddled closer into his embrace,”I don’t know how yet but we will, this is our home and I wanna build our future here...I’m not giving up on that.”

[filmflowersbangtan]

Dead of Night (preview)

pairing: gang member!jungkook x reader

genre: angst, fluff 

warnings: swearing | drug mention | gangs | in the full story, there will be violence, blood, fighting, threatening 

preview word count: 4k

you meet jungkook in a diner in the early morning where it’s just the two of you in the entire place. An interesting relationship ensues, and you find out he’s not who you thought he was. He’s a prominent member of the city’s most powerful gang, surrounded by danger and trouble. But you still want him.

--

author’s note: I sincerely apologize for being gone for so long and for not updating any of my fics. To everyone waiting on IMSWY pt. ii: I am so sorry for taking so long with it. It’s still in my WIPs, and I haven’t given up on it yet, but it is on the back burner right now since I have many other ideas bubbling up that I absolutely have to write or else they will probably internally set me aflame (lol). 

I will be deleting many of my fics soon. I will be keeping “Unbound,” “I Must Still Want You,” “Heartbreaker with a Heart of Gold,” and “Lonely Planets.” Everything else I will be deleting because I have no desire to finish working on them or I simply do not like them anymore and can’t see them going anywhere.

I also will probably not be writing anymore series. Everything will most likely be one shot because every time I start a series, I get too overwhelmed with the idea of updating parts and finishing them that I just end up postponing them for too long and leaving too many people who have been looking forward to them disappointed. I do want to say that I have been going through So Much since I last posted Lonely Planets pt. ii and IMSWY, but I am in a so so so much better place now. That’s why I’m even writing this story now.

This will be a oneshot. It will not be a series. It will be very long. I am almost finished with it, but I am posting this preview just to see if you all would like to continue reading it.

Thank you all. I appreciate all the feedback and the follows and the reblogs so, so much. The feedback and the reblogs of Heartbreaker with a Heart of Gold is what really motivated me to write this one. I hope you all enjoy it. 😊

--

Being alone was like an addiction. It was fulfilling and appealing and…well, lonely. 

Two in the morning diner stops during the weekdays had become routine. The place was completely empty save for a waitress and a cook and maybe a tired trucker. You tucked yourself in a booth in the back. The vinyl seats were cracked and uncomfortable, the lighting was stark and washed everything raw. But it was comforting. Sleep was evasive and your apartment was barely unpacked, boxes stacked haphazardly in the dining area and the mattress on the living room floor. It was your idea to move to this vast city far away from home. This city swallowed everything in its incessant noise. Nocturnal and teeming with cars and neon lights. It never rested and the two of you had that in common. You took solace in that. 

The air was thick with bacon grease and bitter black coffee. Every morning you had waffles and orange juice. The refills were free and the waffles were the exact same circumference as the plate underneath it. Time was stagnant here. The city pressed against the plate glass windows, but the reflections from inside barred its entry. If you looked out, you simply stared directly at yourself. Maybe there was some kind of metaphor in that. 

The night shift waitress, Bethany, set your plate of steaming waffles on the table as well as a glass syrup dispenser. She knew you by name and you thanked her for the food. She smiled sweetly and left you be. 

The door chimed, denoting the entry of another patron. You didn’t look up. Bethany greeted the person in her cheerful customer service voice. You knew she didn’t actually sound like that. Once, you glimpsed her smoking a cigarette by the dumpster at the back of the diner arguing with her boyfriend on her cell phone. She had a tired voice. You wondered if she was lonely, too.

As you ate, Bethany took the patron’s order. From where you sat, his voice was a mumble. “You got it!” Bethany said before breezing away.

You glanced up from your food at the patron. Hair dyed blond, dark brown at the roots. He had a gentle face and a mouth made for smiling or furtively suppressing them. Tattoos were stippled on his arm all the way down to his knuckles. He was staring down at his phone, his fingers were slender and embellished with many silver rings. He was impossibly handsome. A paragon of beauty. 

And he looked up. Right at you. Why was it at that moment you happened to notice him, he decided to notice you, too?

Your scalp prickled with hot embarrassment. You immediately averted your eyes back to your waffles. There was only a bite remaining. Good. You could finish, get your check, pay, and leave.

Boldly, you chanced another glimpse. He did, too. This time, a smile, broad and lovely, stretched across his face. It was endearing and intimate and you had never felt so seen. It was exhilarating. A small smile crept onto your mouth. You couldn’t help it. His smile was contagious. 

This was how the following hour went. Weighted glances and secret smiles from across the room. He received his food, and he picked up his plate and mug of coffee and…was he coming this way?

You watched him, eyes wide, as he sauntered over to your booth and set his items on your table. “May I sit?” he said. His voice was the perfect match to his face. Smooth, sonorous, soft. Crushed velvet. 

Jerkily, like you had never done it before, you nodded. He sat. “Hi,” he said.

“Hi,” you replied. 

“I’m Jungkook.”

You told him your name. He repeated it once, twice, thrice. Like he enjoyed the feel of it in his mouth, rolling it around like a piece of hard candy he didn’t want to dissolve on his tongue just yet. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He reached his hand over the table. You smiled and shook it. 

His plate was piled with pancakes and sausages and scrambled eggs. He dug in. In between bites, he asked, “So what brings you here at this time of night?” “I have trouble sleeping. And you?” Your chest was tight with the awkwardness of it all, but he appeared to be perfectly at ease. 

“I’m just a night owl. Or I’m a vampire.” He shrugged nonchalantly as he continued eating.

Surprisingly, laughter bubbled from you until you couldn’t help the giggles that shook you. How long had it been since you had a conversation with anyone? Your store had been a drought for the past month, only a couple of people coming in a day. You didn’t call home because your parents would ask how you’ve been, and that topic lit a fire in your skull. Bethany was just a waitress doing her job. And Nora was always busy. It was refreshing to have someone sit with you. Talk with you. Want to be near you. 

His eyes danced at the sound of your laughter. It was an innocuous expression, boyish in how pure it was. 

You covered your mouth with your hands to mask the laughter. And he gently grabbed your wrist and removed them. “I like your laugh.”

Butterflies unfurled their wings in your stomach and fluttered in a frantic cluster. He resumed his meal as if nothing happened. “So what do you do?”

You cleared your throat. “I own a used book and record store downtown. It’s small and kind of hidden from the street, but it’s there.” You chuckled nervously. You were proud of that store, but you might have to close it down soon and return to your hometown with your tail tucked in between your legs if the revenue continued as it did. 

His eyebrows shot up. “Wow. That’s super cool. I like records. Books, not so much. Where is it located?”

You told him the address. “By that bodega on the corner.”

“The one that sells the really good blue raspberry shaved ice?”

You snapped your fingers. “That’s the one.”

“I’ll definitely have to stop by.” 

This was how the next few hours went. Talking about everything and nothing. He had lived in the city his entire life, worked as a freelance artist, had an apartment not too far away. Plates had been swept away by Bethany long ago. Refills poured, drained, and poured again.

And then, “Do you maybe want to get out of here? Kick it at my place?” Jungkook asked. His expression was open and genuine. 

You didn’t know if that was a good idea. But talking to him was stimulating and you didn’t want it to end. 

He noticed your hesitation. “Turn you location on your phone, I’ll even give you my address so you can send it to your friends. Anything to make you feel comfortable.”

He was right. He didn’t live that far. It was barely past five o’ clock in the morning, the city was still awake, billboards alight. The buildings towered, dark against the predawn blue of the sky. The apartment building was modest and typical of the city. Clean and affordable but just expensive enough to be appealing to a specific demographic of college students and those with decent enough jobs. His apartment was on the third floor and was charming with brick walls and high ceilings. There was a bookshelf packed with vinyl records, even more in milk crates. A record player in pristine condition sat on an end table beside an armchair. 

“Welcome to my humble abode,” Jungkook said, shrugging off his jacket and hanging it on a hook beside the front door. 

“You said you liked records,” you replied, browsing his collection. 

“I did.”

“This isn’t liking records. This is a goddamn treasure trove.” You pushed your hair behind your ear, eager to move it from your face. “Bowie, Billie Holiday, Bob Dylan, Prince. You even have a rare version of Hendrix’s Electric Ladyland. With the naked women! This is incredible.” 

He laughed. “I see you are a woman of taste.” 

“If only my dad could see this. I’m afraid to touch anything.” 

“I’m sure you don’t have clumsy hands with records. Since you have a record store and all.”

You laughed. “I appreciate the trust.”

“So what would you like to listen to?”

You mulled it over, taking your time examining the sleeves of the records. Then you found one.

He smiled when you showed him the cover art. “Perfect.” 

Frank Ocean’s Blond. A modern classic. Perfect for the liminal hour of five AM. 

Jungkook slipped it from its sleeve, fingers on the slim rounded edges of the record. He carefully settled it on the turntable, placed the needle on the disc, and played the album. There was the classic crackle of vinyl, and then the first track emanated. It was a phantasm of sound, rich and ethereal. Light but weighted. The song was the deep blue of the sky before the sun decided to pull itself above the horizon and emblazon the sky with its myriad of colors. It was the perfect song for this liquid moment that felt like a dream. This beautiful stranger standing before you with his incredible collection. 

And then you were in Jungkook’s arms, slowly swaying to the music. You smiled up at him and him down at you. 

The album continued on in the living room, serenading to no one. You and Jungkook had moved to the bedroom, lounging on the bed. The horizon blushed peach, casting the room in half-light. You both lay on your backs, him with an arm slung casually behind his head, you with your hands folded delicately on your stomach. 

“Thank you for paying for my meal today,” you said to him meekly. 

He smiled. “Thank you for the great conversation. And having an amazing taste in music.” 

You laughed. “What made you come sit with me anyway?”

That was when he looked at you, his mouth still slung in a smile, but his eyes sincere. “Because you’re beautiful.”

Your cheeks went hot and you giggled nervously, covering it with your hands. He rolled over and carefully removed them, his eyes on yours. For a brief moment, time was still. Your breath caught in your throat. He was so close. His lips were so close. Your noses were just barely brushing. His voice was husky when he said, “I like your laugh.”

And then he kissed you. 

In the living room, Frank Ocean sang about nights and new beginnings. 

In the bedroom, you and Jungkook were breathless. Hands on thighs. Hands in hair. Teeth on collarbones. It was a innocent hunger, one that never got too peckish. He was careful with you, didn’t dare to remove your clothes. “I like you,” he breathed into your neck. You gasped at the sensation. 

You kissed until you both eventually succumbed to sleep, the morning sun pouring drowsy golden light across the room.

It was well into the afternoon when you woke to the sound of a shower running. The room was unfamiliar. Definitely not your barren apartment with the boxes strewn about the place. And you definitely weren’t on your living room mattress tangled amongst its waves of sheets. The bed you were in was the most comfortable you’ve ever experienced. Brick walls, plants, beautiful abstract canvas paintings leaning against the wall. Then you remembered. 

The diner. The vinyl collection. The sunrise. The kiss. 

Jungkook. 

He was in the shower and you were fully dressed and the night had to have been a dream. But it wasn’t. Reality settled back onto your shoulders in agonizing waves. You were hours late opening the store. But oh, you wanted to burrow into these soft, sweet-smelling sheets and dissolve into nothing. Eventually you got up. 

The door to the bathroom was open. You thought about telling him you were leaving, but instead, you drew your name and number into the mirror steam and went home to shower and change yourself.

An entire week went by and he never called. He didn’t return to the diner, either. It hurt. Every time you lay on your side, willing yourself to sleep, the phantom feeling of his hands and lips barreled you at such an unwelcome rush you would gasp. None of it was real. You had to keep telling yourself that. None of it was real. 

Life went back to normal. Jungkook was a fleeting daydream that sifted in and out of your thoughts. The store still barely got any customers, except for the same two or three crate diggers who visited like ghosts. And then Nora, your best friend, breezed through the door. She was a city girl through and through. Large sunglasses, the omnipresent iced coffee, the expensive wardrobe curated specifically for being in front of a camera. She was partly why you moved here. The two of you were from the same hometown, and she had escaped first to chase the tail of a fashion designer career. 

“Move here!” she had said during a phone call. “You’ll love it. You’re super hipster and this city eats that shit up! And you can open up that record and book store you always dreamed of.” 

She wasn’t wrong. You loved this city but this city seemed to not love you back. Now, she pushed her sunglasses up into her hair and set her iced coffee on the counter top before you. You were sitting behind the register, feet up and reading a book when she had come in. You looked up from the paperback in your hands. “And what have I done to deserve your presence, Your Highness?”

“Good morning, dork! We’re going to a party.”

You kicked your feet down. Slipped a bookmark in the book and closed it. And you simply said, “No.”

She blinked, her smile stiff. “Why not?” 

“You know I have to open this place every single morning. I can’t go to a party and get drunk and miss another opening.”

“Stop making this store your entire life.”

“It is my entire life.”

“Well, live another one. Just for one night.” She clasped her hands together and actually pouted. “Please.”

You sighed. “You don’t have anyone else to go with?”

She perked up and tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Oh, I do. I just want you to go with me. I want you to have fun for once. All you’ve done since you been here was work.”

Every single dollar and penny from your savings went to this store. It was your lifelong dream. And Nora—lovely, naïve Nora—had never needed to work for anything a day in her life. She meant well. She was never intentionally ignorant. But that didn’t make it any less frustrating. 

She also didn’t know of your time with Jungkook. It was embarrassing that he never called. It angered you that he called you beautiful and said he liked you only for it all to be false. Thank goodness you didn’t have sex with him. 

“I’ll have fun once I’m a millionaire or something,” you said to Nora.

She huffed. “I can find you someone to cover the shop for the night. You won’t even have to pay them. Please just come with me.”

“No. What if they steal something.”

She stared at you flatly. “Do you really think any of my friends—my friends—would steal? Let alone steal any of this stuff? No offense.” 

“Why do you want me to go so badly?”

“I already said. Fun. You know, music, drinks, guys.” She sang the last word and accompanied it with a little shimmy. 

“I have plenty of music and I can buy my own drinks.”

She slammed her hand against the counter top, startling you. “Stop being fucking difficult and come have some fun with me.”

So, grudgingly, you went. Albeit late because you didn’t trust anyone else to close the shop for you, but you went nonetheless. Nora did your makeup. Just glitter eyeshadow and a little eyeliner because you insisted you didn’t want much. And she picked out your outfit—a black lace bra, a crop top cardigan, and a pair of white shorts. 

“Because I can’t dress myself?” you grumbled, sliding on the clothes. 

“Exactly that. You dress too…hipster-y. You need to be hot for tonight.” 

You hadn’t worn that bra since you dated Namjoon. He was pretentious and arrogant and such a city boy it made you lightheaded. You met when he waltzed into the store shortly after you moved here. He smiled at you and you practically melted. The books were what he came for. He bought a Russian classic novel and at checkout, he discussed with you the allegory of sharing fruit in literature. He was eloquent and intelligent and so damn gorgeous you fell for him in that same moment. He scribbled his number on the receipt and told you to keep it. 

The relationship lasted for four months. He suggested you move into his high rise apartment downtown with him. It was a modern edifice, all glass and steel and money. He was the wealthiest person you had ever met in your life. And, stupidly, you were in love. 

And then you saw his text messages with some unfairly beautiful girl he followed on social media about how good she looked in his bed . He said he was lonely, that you worked too much, what else was he supposed to do? Needless to say, you left him. And you hadn’t seen him since. 

Now, Nora said to you, “And don’t think about wearing those fucking platform boots.”

“Why not?” you said, frowning. “They’re cute.”

“They look ridiculous. Like those boots that one goth girl from that cartoon you like wore.” 

You grinned, mischievous. “That’s exactly why I bought them.”

To Nora’s dismay, you wore the fucking platform boots. 

The party was in an underground venue. It wasn’t all red wine and an elaborate excuse to brag about money, like the gatherings Namjoon liked, it was edgy. A live band played pop punk on a stage, the lights in the place were dim save for the spotlights and the white Christmas lights behind the bar. Greasy pizza and liquor and neon lights. You brushed elbows with someone smoking a joint, and you were pretty sure someone was doing coke in the bathroom. 

Nora pulled you to the bar where she ordered herself a cocktail and you a craft beer. She knew you so well. 

There were so many people here. You mentally kicked yourself for not bringing flyers for your store. 

And then you saw him. Nora was talking your ear off about how hot the frontman for the band was and you almost choked on your beer. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” you spat.

Nora blinked rapidly. “What? What happened?”

“This is why you brought me here. You cunt.” You didn’t mean to call her that. It wasn’t a word worn with frequent use in your vocabulary. In fact, you hated the word. But it was deserved in this situation. 

Namjoon. He was standing near the stage with a craft beer of his own in his hand, bobbing his head to the music. He didn’t like places like this. They were tacky to him. He didn’t even listen to this genre of music. What the hell was he doing here? 

The girl standing next to him turned to him and smiled. She was wearing lipstick as red as murder and her bob was so black it reflected the lights with an envious luster. She had a septum piercing, the two silver balls glittering in the low light like two tiny stars. That’s when it clicked. He was here because of her. She was that unfairly beautiful girl in his text messages. Your skin felt incandescent. 

“He had to see how hot you are. I thought you would enjoy shoving that in his face.” Lovely, naïve Nora. You wanted to slap her. 

You stood from the bar stool and set your craft beer on the bar. “I’m leaving now.”

Her face was slack with regret. Before she could form an apology, you turned and walked away. 

You were a few moments from the door when you heard your name. It wasn’t Nora. You stopped and your breath hitched. Your turned slowly, preparing to see Namjoon with that girl by his side but instead—

“Jungkook?”

His hair was black now and almost as shiny as that girl’s bob. It hung past his ears in gentle waves. He stood there in a baggy black shirt and jeans, his thumbs tucked into the front pockets. Silver bracelets draped from both wrists. In this lighting, he looked ethereal. Infernal. This couldn’t be the same man you shared a chimerical morning with. He looked like he had been created by the darkness of the city’s nights. 

Maybe it was just the hair. 

“Hi,” he said in the same way he did when he sat your table at the diner. It could’ve been mistaken as sheepishness, but his eyes were not meek. Besides the hair, you couldn’t figure out what was so different about him. 

Breathlessly, you said, “Hi.”

“You look nice.” 

Over his shoulder, you noticed Namjoon go to the bar. Nora scowled at him. He smiled amicably at her and his mouth moved, saying something. She froze, and her eyes immediately darted to you. Namjoon turned and saw you. And he started your way. 

“Are you okay?” Jungkook asked.

You should’ve ran out of the venue. There were a million other things you should’ve done, but instead you grabbed Jungkook and kissed him. 

Initially, he went rigid with shock, but he melted into the kiss. You felt him smile against your mouth. “Miss me that much?”

You pulled away. “I did not.” A glance over his shoulder and Namjoon was gone. You audibly exhaled. 

“What happened?” 

You ran a hand over your face. “Ex.”

“Ah,” he said. “Is that why you were leaving?”

“Yes. And now I’m going. Goodbye.” You whirled around, shoulders tense with embarrassment and headed for the stairs. 

“Wait.” He caught up to you on the stairs. “Can I go with?” There were small white string lights strung in the stairwell and the glow reflected in his eyes. They were so brown. 

“Don’t you have friends to be with?” Your phone buzzed in your back pocket with an incoming text message. Most likely your own friend dying to know who the guy you just kissed was. You ignored it. 

“They’ll be fine.” He grinned. 

“Okay,” you said, feeling yourself smile as well.

There was no destination, but you ended up at a park, sitting beside each other on a swing set. Your feet dragged in the wood chips as you pushed yourself back and forth slowly. He looked up at the night sky and sighed. “Do you want to know why I hadn’t called?”

You just looked at him. 

“This may sound like a corny excuse, but… I was afraid of what you would think of me.”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

He hesitated before saying, “If we continued seeing each other, you would eventually find out that I’m not a freelance artist. I do paint, but that’s not what I do.”

You could feel your heartbeat gradually speeding its pace. “What do you do?” His eyes fell down to his hands. He turned them over, studying the lines in his palms. His hair slipped over his eyes. He was a portrait of affliction. “I’m a Lost Boy.”

You didn’t understand. He noticed your silence and looked up at you. “The Lost Boys. This city is practically run by them.” He corrected himself, “Ran by us.” He stopped, closed his eyes, and sighed. “I’m in a gang.”

Your voice was a whisper. “What?”  

He quickly added, “If you no longer want to associate with me, I understand. They’re—we’re—dangerous. I mean, even if you haven’t heard of us, you know us. The leather jackets, the vandalism, the fights. That venue is owned by us. The drugs at that event were supplied by us. That band playing is in our pockets. My apartment is paid by dirty money.” He laughed quietly to himself then, almost pityingly. 

The night air around you was thick with your own dread. “Is being around you dangerous?” You hadn’t meant for your voice to sound so small.

“I won’t hurt you, if that’s what you’re asking.” You could hear the unsaid “but” in his tone. 

“But what?” you prompted.

He chewed on his lip. A dimple in his left cheek appeared. “I won’t hurt you, but I can’t promise your safety. If you do decide to be around me.”

--

[razorblade180]

RWBY Vol8 Finale Review

Okay so I just wanna say right away that this review would’ve been out sooner, but the ending credit song is watch pushed me over the edge and made me cry. So I’m little drained.

Of course the episode starts off with Salem finally coming back. Honestly I’m shocked. She’s only been gone for a little over an hour I believe. That’s way faster than I thought considering the blast she was hit with.

90% of this episode is fighting which I’m perfectly happy with, so breaking down scenes is a little scarce and far apart. But I will say I like a bunch of the fighting. I thought James’s gun was stupid, but then he swung while detaching one pistol to pistol whip Winter and I’ll admit it, I said “yoooo!”

Okay...the Ace Ops stuff is probably the biggest thing I’m “meh” on. I totally get what they’re going for and I’m actually one of the few people who likes Harriet, but this scene fell pretty flat for me. We barely see the Ace Ops interact with one another that isn’t them threatening RWBY or talking about following orders. Like I never had any doubts that they do in fact care about each other beyond a coworker level but the show didn’t really show that. It would’ve been nice if despite them saying they aren’t friends several times, CRWBY added gentler moments with one another.

Like if Harriet calms Elm down on the way to to whale, Vine senses Marrow’s uneasiness and pulls him aside to tell him that he’ll watch Marrow’s back and they’ll talk when the job is done. It could’ve been neat if Harriet was about to move and scream Marrow’s name right before Ironwood shoots, but Winter was a step ahead. Just little things like that to show these characters really do value one another and don’t actually buy the crap their selling about being completely professional. Plenty of real life military soldiers will tell you that like it or not, it is impossible not to learn the life of their teammates and essentially become family when they’re overseas. Even if they don’t necessarily like a certain individual.

I actually didn’t expect Cinder to betray Neo this episode until Neo fell off the ledge. I thought we were building to Cinder valuing having people as teammates to raise hell instead of looking at them as pawns. To an extent she still does, but I guess it’s more of she has to work well with people and use actual teamwork in general, not with specific individuals. Power of teamwork yes. Power of friendship, no....

Cinder gets bonus points in my book for doing what most don’t, cut Blake’s ribbon! I’m so used to anime tropes letting heroes recover that I wasn’t expecting a genuine good play.

So I’ve said she was going to die ever since she came back, then I said it when she hacked, and one more time she was human. I never had faith she’d make it through the volume. So when I tell that it still broke my heart to see this. I never wanted her go. Penny is like my second favorite character. I’m a bit surprised Cinder didn’t get the power. This is the second time she’s nabbed Penny. I would assume she has at least a bit of the power though.

Winter really did become the Winter maiden. We were right from the start. I do like that Penny choosing how she wanted to die and who to give the powers to mirrors Winter’s conversation with Weiss in V7 a bit about being roped into something but still gaining the control to actually choose how go about the situation by deciding the terms.

Skipping ahead a bit because once again, I was just floored by the fights. Next real thing that really hit me hard was so many people think other people are dead for varying reasons, and only some of them are true. I do not know how Ren and Nora especially are going to cope with hearing Jaune fell. That’s their second teammate. Out of those two, Oscar, and Emerald, I don’t think any want to or fit to lead as a new team of four. Maybe Nora really will step up and kick off the active part of her self discovery. Then there’s Winter. Maybe she’ll keep them together. If anything I hope her and Whitley finally have this genuine moment because they think they lost their sister. And who knows, maybe to a certain level Jacques dying as well conflicts them in a way because they didn’t love him but it’s still a shock he’s dead. Like I’m pretty sure for Whitley at least that the hate for his father didn’t run deep enough to wish him dead. Pietro is gonna die of broken heart and I don’t know how Qrow or Tai will react. Hopefully Raven gets involved.

Not gonna lie, I thought the crash was anticlimactic and Ironwood among others could still be alive, but then the rushing water came....

I am shocked nobody actually killed James. Pretty sure he’s dead though. Just like how Arthur burned to death which is by far the most unsettling thing this show has done period. Even though the villains lost members, it doesn’t really feel like they lost at all. Especially when the ones who died were killed by their own people basically.

All in all I really liked this finale. I’m relieved the reason team RWBY fell wasn’t because they jumped after Yang because that’s not risk people should take and would be a middle finger to everyone they leave behind. Wasn’t expecting Jaune to fall. That’s nuts. Not mad about it. Now he has to explain to Ruby that he personally stabbed Penny on request. Like good lord, he’s not going to cope. The only saving grace I personally have is CRWBY might be nice to me and the path towards comforting certain characters may lead down a path with Lancaster or Whiteknight at the end of it. I’m not gonna hold my breath. Can’t believe we lost Nuts n Dolts twice...

Also Neo might wanna kill Cinder more than Ruby now.

[romans-roy]

book book book 2022

thank u so much @kurthummeldeservesbetter ! ur so cool 

Best book you’ve read so far in 2022:

The Hunchback of Notre-Dame - Victor Hugo (1831)

now i’m just gonna preface this by saying i’ve mostly reread books this year LMFAO, but the best book that i’ve read for the first time this year is The Hunchback of Notre-Dame. i’d been meaning to read it for YEARS and i finally got the chance to this year and i really enjoyed it

Best sequel you’ve read so far in 2022:

Catching Fire - Suzanne Collins (2009)

as i said, i haven’t read as many new books this year :(, but i did reread The Hunger Games trilogy earlier this year and Catching Fire is one of my favorite sequels EVER! the furthering of the rebellion, as well as the new characters introduced fit so seamlessly and it’s genuinely one of my favorites ever

New release you haven’t read yet, but want to/Most anticipated release for the second half of the year:

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes - Suzanne Collins (2020)

i don’t have the time to keep up with new releases but i am really looking forward to reading The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes because i went back into my hunger games phase earlier this year and i now have the energy to read it and i’m very excited to 

Biggest disappointment:

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes & Other Lessons From the Crematory - Caitlin Doughty (2015)

i think the biggest disappointment of the year for me was Smoke Gets In Your Eyes, which is a memoir that i had to read for class. I started off really enjoying the book, but by the end, i started to disagree with some of her thoughts regarding death and funerals and all that, and because i had to read it for class, i couldn’t just stop reading, and i actually had to write about her ideas that i didn’t necessarily like but didn’t know how to expand on lmfao

Biggest surprise:

honestly i think that my biggest surprise was how well written The Hunger Games is as well as how impactful it is. the reason i say this is because i first read the books when i was 12 years old and i haven’t gone back and reread them until this year, 7 years later. that being said, i did understand the series when i first read them, but i didn’t understand the full scope of them like i do now. they are genuinely such good books and are quite literally the blueprint.

Favorite new author (debut or new to you):

Donna Tartt

now this isn’t technically new to me this year, but within the past full year, i read both The Secret History and The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt and i LOVED them. so definitely Donna Tartt all the way

Newest fictional crush/Newest favorite character:

Boris Pavlikovsky & Kevin Day

i actually have two answers because neither of them are from books i read for the first time in 2022. The first is Boris Pavlikovsky from The Goldfinch. i love him and i think he’s GREAT, but i obviously read that book last year. the SECOND is the one and only Kevin Day from the All For the Game trilogy by Nora Sakavic. i’ve read these books a million times since 2016, but i’m rereading them again right now and my love for him grows every reread

Book that made you cry:

The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins (2008)

when i started rereading the hunger games i SOBBED the entirety of the book. i quite literally could not stop crying the entire series. i was a MESS the whole time

Book that made you happy:

Grasshopper Jungle - Andrew Smith (2014)

the thing about me is that i somehow manage to only read books that make me cry, but i think the happiest i’ve been while reading any book this year was when i reread Grasshopper Jungle because it’s my favorite book of all time (tho i don’t recommend it necessarily, it’s very teen boy)

The most beautiful book cover you’ve bought this year:

The Hunchback of Notre-Dame - Victor Hugo (1831)

the copy of hunchback that i have the seasons-spring edition, which has a beautiful lasercut dust jacket with a matching bookmark and it’s so pretty and i think about it constantly. it’s why i finally read the book this year lol

What books do you need to read by the end of the year?

TOO MANY!!!!!! i have too many books that i’m currently reading and on my tbr to even begin to name them all 

i literally don’t know who to tag ahhhhhh but i will tag @blurglesmurfklaine (u don’t have to do this but i feel like u read bangin books soooo) 

[icedteaandoldlace]

Shit, y'all, I just realized something.

So I know I'm not the only one who was expecting there to be a reveal in The Sound and the Fury that Hartley and Thawne used to be boyfriends or lovers or something of that nature, right? But it never happened, and for a while I thought that either I had misinterpreted their relationship, or that maybe that wasn’t the writers’ intent, but that Tom and Andy had played it that way intentionally, whether just for the heck of it or because they had misinterpreted something.

After a while and a few rewatches, I started to think that maybe their relationship was a botched attempt at a father/son type of dynamic. Because even though their energy is all wrong for it, there are a few things narratively that seem to point toward that. Namely, A) Thawne referring to Hartley as "the prodigal son", B) him later reassuring Cisco that Hartley was never his favorite/that he didn’t even have a favorite, C) Cisco's feelings about Thawne and Hartley's relationship mirroring his feelings about Dante being his parents' favorite child, and D) Hartley also being estranged from his parents and immediately feeling threatened when Thawne compares his first impressions of Hartley and Cisco to each other.

But (homoerotic vibes aside) there is a particular detail that suggests that maybe Thawne and Hartley weren't intended to be father/son coded after all, and that is what Thawne says to Cisco just before he kills him, and then again in the do-over timeline when he talks him out of leaving Team Flash:

"In many ways, you have shown me what it's like to have a son."

We all know that line, it's nothing new. But the connection I had never made before is that both times he says that, he says it like Cisco is the first--and perhaps only*--person he's ever met to cause him to develop paternal feelings. But Thawne met Hartley first, and already had a close established relationship with him before Cisco came along.

Also, compare that line to what he says to Hartley when Hartley starts to feel like maybe Cisco is going to take his place in Thawne's life:

"You're still my guy."

Which could translate to anything from "you're my only bae" to "you're a dope employee, and my hiring Cisco doesn't mean that I think he's smarter than you or capable of doing your job better than you are." There's nothing inherently parental about the line “you’re still my guy”, and in fact, either of the potential meanings I just mentioned makes more sense than him saying that while meaning "you're like a son to me".

There's also a definite difference in Thawne's interactions with each of them after their respective falling outs (fallings out?). When he sees Hartley again after firing him, he does put on a bit of an apologetic performance for Team Flash's benefit, but for the most part it seems that dealing with Hartley again is a bit of a chore, like he's already closed the book on this relationship and he's ready for Hartley to just move on and forget his number. He even actually acknowledges to Cisco that Hartley's presence at S.T.A.R. Labs back in the day subtracted from the experience of working there, while Cisco's adds to it.

In contrast, he's no longer performing for anyone when he tells Cisco that his powers were "given" to him “out of love”, or that he wishes he could have told him about his grand master plan, because having Cisco help him with it would have made it more fun. And although by season 6 all his fondness for Cisco seems to have gone out the window, and he now just sees him as The Flash's Friend and therefore The Enemy, in their last meeting prior to that in season 5, he still seems to have a little residual pride about having caused Cisco's powers to emerge, and in seeing him all grown up and saving China, as it were.

The point to all of this being, I think that if Thawne and Hartley's relationship was really intended to come across as a father/son type of relationship, their interactions with each other would have been less gay a bit more sentimental and genuine, and more similar to the dynamic Thawne had with Cisco, instead of him just wanting to be done with Hartley already (y’know, like how one gets around their ex).

I don't know if they were necessarily intended to have actually gotten together at some point, but I think Hartley at least definitely wanted to. And if that is the case, then that adds an interesting layer to the Cisco/Thawne/Hartley dynamic, because Cisco thinks he's gotten roped into another sibling rivalry type of situation, while in Hartley's mind they're essentially in a love triangle.

-

*Granted, Thawne did express paternal feelings for both Barry and Nora in the seasons 1 and 5 finales, respectively, but those scenes both came after his scenes with Cisco. Plus they both felt more like taunts at Barry than genuinely true statements to me, but idk how the rest of y’all interpreted them.

[julemmaes]

Zero pressure cuz I know you’re working on other things but are u still planning on writing the sequel to I Love You with Cal?

I’m Sorry

acotar next gen fan fic

part two for this one shot here

A/N: I won’t be giving any summary cause it’s 1am and I’m crying cause I just want to be able to sleep, I just hope this will satisfy you all and maybe makes you cry a little cause it was hard to finish it. Please if there’s any mistakes don’t point that out to me, I’ll check tomorrow. Enjoy!

Masterlist

Word count: 3,857

Cal had returned home shortly after dinner. His family had already finished eating and he just wanted to get some rest after the long day he'd had with Raina.

They'd stayed up all night the day before because her parents hadn't been home, and during the day he'd found it difficult to focus on his classes, so much that he'd skipped one in order to take a nap in the university gardens. All of this, of course, hadn't stopped him from going straight back to Raina's house to spend more time together, and while they were supposed to be studying for the upcoming exam they were both taking, they had decided to spend the entire afternoon doing the nasty.

Now, lying on his bed, he tried not to laugh too loudly at the memes he was looking at, so as not to disturb Ezra who was studying despite the hour. Unlike him, his brother couldn't afford to fail an exam and his mother would surely hit him repeatedly if he tried to mess that up.

He was about to shut everything off and warn Raina that he was going to sleep, when Ezra sighed too loudly to be casual. Thinking it was just for the studying, Cal didn't give it that much thought and opened up the chat with his girlfriend, starting to type his goodnight.

"Fuck it." muttered Ezra, closing the book, "Cal, man?"

"Hmm?" he hummed from his spot on the bed.

"Yesterday after you left, something happened and I think you should know because it's partially your fault too and the rest of us have all apologized already." he said in a tone that was far too serious for the relaxed situation they were in.

Cal's head snapped towards him for a second as he saw Ezra get up and walk towards his bed, before returning his attention to the screen where Raina was telling him she was going to take a shower - and think about him in the process. An idle grin appeared on his lips and he held his breath when she sent him a picture in front of the mirror wearing only a pair of panties.

"Can you please listen to me without looking at your phone?" asked Ezra a little more pressing.

Cal huffed, running a hand through his hair and turning off the screen. He crossed his hands over his chest, smiling sarcastically at his brother, "You have my full attention."

It wasn't true. If he wanted to sleep that night, he too would have had to take a shower to get rid of that uneasy itch between his legs. The picture Raina had just sent him shone brightly etched into his eyelids, but he wasn't going to risk Ezra grabbing his phone out of his hands and seeing pictures of his half-naked girlfriend.

Not again, at least.

"You're not listening to me," Ezra blurted, his voice low.

"God you sound like mom when she gets pissed," he snorted. He pulled himself up on his elbows, jerking his chin, "What?"

"I caught Celia coming out of the tavern yesterday and she was crying," the other said, slipping off his shirt to put on his pajamas, "Mom and dad have already talked to her and me and the girls have apologized more than once, I slept in there with them last night, but-" he cleared his throat, running a hand over his face.

Cal forgot about Raina in a split second.

If Celia had cried and Ezra had felt the need to tell him, it meant it was something important.

"But?" urged Cal to continue, sitting up and setting the phone down on the nightstand.

Ezra looked him straight in the eye as he took off his jeans as well, then looked away, shaking his head, "Before I tell you, it's not your fault specifically, it was a lot of things that built up that made her break down for a moment-"

Cal interrupted him, "Can you get straight to the point, please? You're worrying me."

"It's not even that important, I just think you need to know."

"Jesus Christ, just tell me," he snapped.

"Celia had a complete nervous breakdown last night," Ezra said in one breath, kneeling on his bed without even looking at him. Cal's heart clenched in his chest. "She said we don't love her like we love the rest of us," he sighed, "that mom and dad never have time for her basically."

Then Ezra's icy eyes pierced into Cal's hazel ones, and he knew that whatever he said next would be the heaviest bit to hear. He tucked into his shoulders, breathing through his nose.

"She also said that Nora hates her. That you hate her."

Cal closed his eyes, bringing a hand to his forehead, "Fuck." he muttered, "She mentioned me and Nora specifically?"

Ezra didn't answer and Cal opened his eyes, seeing him nod with a grimace on his face, "Dad told her that's not true, obviously, but I think it would be good for her to hear it directly from you."

"Fuck." muttered Cal again. He put his feet on the ground, leaning forward and taking his head in his hands as he remembered how he'd dismissed Celia not once, but twice in the space of a few minutes when she had needed him.

To go have sex, of all things.

"Why didn't you call me? Texted me?" asked Cal, looking over his shoulder at Ezra, "I would have come home sooner." he sighed again when he suddenly remembered the conversation that had taken place only a couple of hours earlier with Celia.

They had been sitting on the couch in the living room in silence when Cal had asked her what movie she wanted to watch and she hadn't answered him right away. She hadn't even looked at him when she'd said, "You don't have to be pretend like you like to stay home with me." before getting up from the couch and going upstairs, probably to her room. Cal had been surprised by those words, but hadn't dwelled too much on his sister's tone of voice or her hurt expression, continuing to text Raina.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." he cursed himself again, thinking about how much that indifference of his had done nothing but prove her fears. He didn't dwell on the image of a distraught Celia crying that appeared in his head too.

Ezra clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, "Listen, if you go in there like this you're just going to scare her," he told him softly, "Calm down for a moment and take a couple of minutes to think, because it sounds like you've been given the worst news you can get, so breathe, think and if you can't get it all done before eleven maybe you should wait until tomorrow morning."

Cal wanted to tell him that it was one of the worst things anyone could say to him, but looking into his eyes he realised that he must have felt the same way the night before.

"Did you find her crying or..?"

Ezra lifted a shoulder, tucking himself under the covers and folding his arms behind his head, "I told you, she was downstairs and I didn't understand what she was doing there, then dad saw her and she burst into tears." a short pause before he resumed speaking in a lower voice, "I haven't heard her cry like that in a few years.  She has to be holding it all in for so long."

Cal ran a hand over his face, puffing out his cheeks.

His phone screen lit up with a notification from Raina.

He opened the chat without even checking the last picture she had sent him:

'I'll text you later princess, something came up and I'm not really in the mood to send you pictures. Sorry.'

Her reply didn't even take ten seconds to appear, 'No, I'm sorry, I wouldn't have sent anything if I knew something was wrong. You need me to call you?'

Cal smiled slightly at the phone, 'Don't worry, you couldn't have known.'

The message that followed sounded more threatening than anything else, 'Okay, but you didn't answer my question, do you want me to call you? I can be there in five if I have to. Or you can come back here, you know I'm alone.'

As tempting as that invitation was, Cal shook his head, knowing full well that it held no double meaning, just genuine concern. 'It's Celia. She wasn't well last night and no one thought to warn me.'

'Oh, what happened?'

'Can I text you later? I have to take care of this now. It's nothing to worry about, just, I'll tell you later.'

'Alright.' Cal chuckled. It was just like seeing her, biting the inside of her lip, thinking of all the possibilities.

'Love you.'

He didn't wait for her reply and lay back down on the bed, putting himself in the same position as his brother.

"Do you think I was an asshole?" he asked at one point, looking up at the ceiling.

He heard Ezra moving around on the bed and when he turned around, his brother was lying on his side, his head resting on one arm. He looked so much like their mum. "She didn't really elaborate when she said you hate her-"

"Could you stop saying I hate her as if it were true?" interrupted Cal, frowning.

Ezra arched an eyebrow, "Sorry." then looked at him attentively, "I was saying, she didn't say anything in particular, so I wouldn't know. What did you do to sweep her off her feet like that?"

Cal looked at him with a slightly wide mouth, "For someone who says it's not my fault, it sure as hell looks like you don't believe it."

"I'm just fucking with you, though, she said you kicked her out of the room," then grimaced, "Actually, dad and I did that too, so don't worry if it's true."

Cal shook his head, amazed, looking up at the ceiling again, "We're all assholes then."

"What did you tell her?" asked Ezra again.

"I just told her I'd help her with her homework, I guess, and then I left," he replied.

"For?" Cal turned to him with an expression that said it all. Ezra scoffed, "You could have helped her five minutes, before you went off to fuck."

Cal flinched at those words, knowing full well how true they were, "You could have done the same. What were you and dad doing anyway?"

Ezra took a while to answer, "We were supposed to be fixing the bike, but we were actually playing darts."

"Busted." he muttered, "We should scold dad too then." joked Cal, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"I think he's regretted it enough already," the eldest said in a serious tone, "He barely touched his food at dinner yesterday and then went straight to bed."

"Maybe he was just tired," Cal assumed, trying to kill time before the inevitable.

"I don't think so, he pretty much spent all day staring at Celia like she might break at any moment." he ran a hand through his hair, mussing it, "Sometimes I wonder how they manage with five kids. It must be hard."

Cal frowned, looking at his brother, trying to figure out if he was just playing around or not. When he saw Ezra staring at the ceiling with a lost gaze, he realized that no, he was one hundred percent serious.

That he didn't realize the help he gave his parents? It was true, Ezra was only four years older than Cal, but there was no way he shouldn't be considered some sort of third parent. The eldest of the siblings had taken care of all of them from day zero and had never backed down from such duty.

Cal's eyes widened, deciding not to broach that subject that evening.

One thing at a time.

"Do you think you'll talk to her tonight?" asked Ezra, "I only ask because - even if you don't have to tonight - I think you should go say goodnight, tell her you love her before you go to sleep."

"Give me ten more minutes and then I'll go," Cal murmured.

"As long as you need."

***

"The other day when I went out with Iria and we met one of the boys in her class," Nora said with bright eyes, "he asked me to give him my number and I don't think I should tell mom."

Celia giggled, hiding her face against the duvet on her bed, "She'd definitely tell dad and at that point you'd be quicker to jump in front of a train on your own."

Nora burst out laughing, looking up at her from the upside down position she was in, "Iria said the same thing too."

"What's his name?"

Her sister's face lit up, "Zeke. I don't know his last name." then she cackled, "Maybe I should ask him."

"Is he cute?" asked Celia just as the door opened and Cal appeared.

"Who's cute?" asked their brother, just the instant Nora said, "Don't you know how to knock?"

"An actor." replied the younger one, as any sort of excitement vanished inside her.

She didn't want the strange bubble that had been created over the last few hours to burst. She had finally managed to convince Nora to spend some time with her as they hadn't done in months and she hadn't had that much fun in too long.

Cal shifted his gaze from Nora to her, keeping his eyes fixed in hers for a while before turning back to Nora, "You're not telling me the truth."

"Why are you here?" the older one asked, turning on her stomach and looking at her brother standing in the doorway.

Celia felt herself blush for some reason when Cal's eyes settled on her again and said, "Could you come with me for a moment?"

She arched an eyebrow, "Why?"

The boy seemed to hesitate for a few seconds, "I'd like to talk to you."

Nora yawned, not covering her mouth, "The two of us would be talking."

Cal turned to the older of the two of them, "Stop being so bossy."

"I wouldn't have to if you knocked before coming into our room and then claimed to steal Lia from me," Nora replied tensely.

Celia pulled herself up to her seat, rubbing her hands over her face as she tried to suppress a smile.

She knew they weren't really fighting, but they were bickering to win her attention, her time, and she'd be lying if she said it wasn't warming her heart.

"I-" stammered Cal, gesturing to Nora, "What- I'm not trying to steal Cece from you, I just want to talk to her for five minutes."

"What do you want Cal?" she asked trying to figure out what she needed to discuss at this time of the night.

Cal gave her an exasperated look, "Ezra told me what happened last night, I wanted to apologize."

Both she and Nora straightened up, but Celia was the only one who held her breath, blinking a couple of times, hoping to erase any trace of surprise from her expression.

Nora cleared her throat, sitting up, "I think I'll go brush my teeth." she said getting up.

Celia frowned, "You've done that before with-"

"Brush my teeth!" she repeated loudly, closing the bedroom door behind her.

Now only she and Cal stood in the room.

"Cal, you don't-"

He interrupted her before she could say anything else, crossing the room with two wide strides, "I want to apologize."

Celia looked at him, pulling herself up to sit cross-legged as he plopped down on Nora's bed in front of her. She nodded her head to tell him to continue, "You already said that."

"I know," Cal whispered. Then he shifted his gaze outside the window that separated the girls' beds, "I know."

Her eyes fell on his hands and she saw that he was torturing his ring she knew Raina had given him for their first anniversary. A nervous tic that characterised practically every adult in that house. Celia was just waiting for the day when Nora, too, was given a ring and she, too, would start twisting it between the index finger and thumb of her opposite hand.

They were silent for a few seconds and Celia was about to speak, make his task easier by telling him that everything was fine, that it had just been a particularly tiring day, but the words caught in her throat when he looked back at her and in the most serious tone of voice she had ever heard him use, he said, "You know you're my best friend right?"

Celia didn't know how to respond. She wasn't even sure if she was actually breathing. That's why she forced herself to get some air into her lungs. That strained breath must have sounded like a sob or a gasp, because Cal grimaced before resuming.

"I know it's not always like this Cece, but you're my best friend.

"I'm sorry for leaving you like that last night. I was an asshole and I shouldn't have acted like that. I have no excuse for ignoring you and then leaving for Raina's without helping you first, but I want to tell you something." he looked at her with such intensity that she didn't understand how he could speak. She nodded slowly.

"You will always be my sister. You will always be the person I love most in the world. You, Nora, Andra, Ezra." he swallowed noisily, "You are my life and I love you. Understand?"

Celia nodded with slightly wide eyes.

"We're growing up. These years won't be like the ones we had when we were younger, but that doesn't mean I don't love you as much as ever. That I hate you." he shuddered at those words, "Hell, Ce, I could never hate you. Not even if you did me the greatest wrong in the world.

"We'll go back to being close, as close as... as-" he grunted, throwing his hands to the sky, "Like two broad beans in a pod."

Celia chuckled, frowning, "What are you talking about?"

"I don't know, it's not important," he smiled. "What is important is that you understand that no one in this family hates you. No one could ever hate you."

The words were out before she could stop them, "It seems that way sometimes."

Cal contracted his jaw, "I know, I'm sorry," he said in a lower voice, "I can tell you something that will probably make you feel better."

"Alright."

"Ezra and I are essentially five years apart, and," he straightened, running a hand through his hair, "There was a time when I was a senior in middle school, just like you, and when he was a junior in high school at the same time."

"That must have been hard for you," Celia whispered.

Cal nodded, smiling at her reassuringly, "It was one of the worst times of my life, I think. I was sure Ezra wouldn't consider me a friend anymore, just a brother, because he's legally forced to be that, you know." they both chuckled, "But no, Ezra was just growing up and you get to a point where your interests are too different to keep getting involved in everything the other does.

"It definitely happened to Nora with me and it's going to happen to Andra with you," then, seeing the scared look on her face that one day she would make her little sister feel the way her older siblings were making her feel at that moment, he added, "But Cece, that's life. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's not your fault. It happens."

"It still hurts." she pointed out again.

Cal reached out to her, putting both hands on her shoulders, "I know, but I can assure you that the second you get old enough and mom and dad will let you hang out with Nora, you'll completely forget you ever felt that way."

"Was it like that for you and Ezra?"

He nodded, getting up to sit on her bed next to her, "It took me a little longer than it will take you, because of the bigger age gap, but yeah." he nodded, smiling at her, "When Ezra and I started 'playing together' again," he said mimicking the quotes with his fingers, "It was like all the years we were too far apart to actually have fun together faded away. It was like finding an old friend you thought you'd never see again." he put an arm around her shoulders, bringing her against his side, "That's why I'm telling you not to worry."

Celia closed her eyes, muttering, "You were still an asshole, though. And so was Nora. And a little bit Ezra too."

She felt Cal shake while chuckling, "Andra wasn't? At least she's safe."

"Oh, shut up," she said, breaking free from her brother's grasp.

Cal looked down at her, a smile all too similar to their father's on his lips, "I love you, Cece." he said under his breath.

She nodded, feeling her cheeks heat up, "I love you too."

Then Cal laughed, running a hand over his face to stop the giggles and avoid waking their parents.

"What's up?" asked Celia in an amused tone.

"God," Cal breathed, trying not to laugh, "I can't wait until you and Nora are old enough to drink. Ezra and I have to take you to see so many places."

Celia rested her hands on her knees. She still didn't understand all that drinking hype, but she was sure her brothers would give her unforgettable experiences.

Cal let himself fall backwards on the bed, covering his face with an arm, "I'm sorry for acting like that yesterday, I'll try to pay more attention to your needs or whatever you want." he murmured after the laughter was fully subsided.

Celia lay next to him on the mattress, close enough that she could feel the warmth of his body, "It's nothing, I'm fine now."

"It's not nothing," Cal said, firmly, "The fact that you had to reach such a breaking point that you couldn't hold back the crying isn't nothing, don't even think that as a joke."

When she didn't answer, he took it as an invitation to continue.

"And I know dad already told you, but talk to us before you break down like that."

Celia swallowed, trying to chase away the tears, "I will." she finally whispered.

She heard Cal sigh, "Come here," before he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her towards him. Celia closed her eyes, letting her older brother hold her, letting him give her the love they all said they felt for her.

Finally feeling the entirety of that weight being lifted from her shoulders, she fell asleep with Cal's voice promising her incredible adventures and memorable nights in a future Celia never imagined would be so close.

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[terrainofheartfelt]

"It's you, it couldn't be awful"

A Playlist For Dair Appreciation Week, Day 7 - Fave Quotes & Lyrics

I haven’t the faintest idea how to make gifs (seriously I think all of you are witches) so I made this playlist, because there is nothing I love more than scrolling through my spotify library and just projecting all over it.

Track listings and links with opinions & lyrics under the cut, because this thing is long, because I have no restraint.

(Note: I intentionally left off all tswift bc if I didn’t, we’d be here all day)

Section 1: The Bops

Little of Your Love - HAIM

A bop that embodies the energy of the 4b arc, and an energy of “Oh for crying out loud, Humphrey”

You’re just another recovering heart / I wasn’t even gonna try / you wouldn’t even give the time

Stop runnin’ your mouth like that / ‘cause you know I’m gonna give it right back

Hate That You Know Me - Bleachers

It’s “You owe me ten / You owe me twenty!” & “I was hoping it would go away / I was humiliated” & basically all of While You Weren’t Sleeping, tbh

Some days I, I wish that I wasn't myself / No luck! / And I hate that you know me so well

I Like Me Better - Lauv

Heavily featured in all y’all’s gifsets—and rightfully so!!! It’s also like the perfect counter to the previous song.

To not know who I am but still know that I'm good long as you're here with me

Sweet Talk - Saint Motel

It’s about Blair roasting Dan for filth and him being completely charmed by it.

when you laugh / I forget that it's about me / But it's alright / Yeah, cause being your punchline / Still is something

No Reason to Run - Cold War Kids

In the perfect version of the show that lives in my head, this is the end credits song that plays as the two of them frolic in Rome.

I have evolved like a fish growing legs / Woke like a lightbulb clicked in my brain

You Make Lovin' Fun - Fleetwood Mac

The song for the couple that fucked in an elevator. Bless the work.

Sweet wonderful you / You make me happy with the things you do

No Matter What You Do - covered by Jakob Dylan and Regina Spektor

The energy is “I have a lot of affection for you but you are so annoying.” And this is the obligatory post-breakup s6 song.

No matter what in the world you do / Hey, I'll always be in love with you

Don't Take the Money - Bleachers

I see so much love for tswift on this website (valid) but I feel like the world as a whole sleeps on her collaborator Jack Antonoff bc he is brilliant and his act Bleachers has some of my favorite songs ever. Like this one. Antonoff has said before that the title phrase is more metaphorical than literal, like an idiom that means don’t take the easy way and give this up, because it’s genuine. Real “I want to have a sleepover with you” vibes.

Somebody broke me once / Love was a currency / A shimmering balance act / I think that I laughed at that

In the Morning - Nina Simone

It’s about the domesticity! And the “Our relationship is our world”! And the “we’re young and still have so much life to live so everything’s gonna be okay.” did i title a smut fic with lyrics from this song maybeso.gif

Please be patient with your life / It's only morning and you're still to live your day

This Must Be the Place - Talking Heads

This is a canon dair song bc @mysteriesofloves titled a fic after this song, them’s the rules. But for real, this is such a good one. The lyrics are intentionally scattered, a little bewildered, like “how did we get here? how did this happen? who found whom?” and finally “who cares? we found a home in each other.”

The less we say about it, the better / We'll make it up as we go along

Cleopatra in Brooklyn - Frank Turner

Chosen for the title obviously, but the lyrics capture the royal/5b arc pretty well, I think. The narrator carries this tongue-and-cheek comparison of the woman he’s singing to to Cleopatra through the whole song, comparing himself to Marc Antony, and ending with this really earnest kind of declaration. I’m obsessed with this songwriter he’s a genius please give him a listen.

These people are adjectives to your proper noun

I'll come find you when your fortunes fail you / I'll die with you when the gods desert you

Morphing into Section 2: Pure Vibes

Walking on a Dream - covered by Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness

The original is by Empire of the Sun (and omigod I just realized the coincidence), but I first heard it covered by McMahon, and he’s one of my favorite musicians of ever so I just love his rendition. And this song is sort of like...about finally deciding that the reality of love with someone is so much better than the idea of it.

Thought I’d never see / The love you found in me / Now it’s changing all the time

Wake Me - Bleachers

Jack coming for my life yet again. This song is so romantic but also so melancholy? Which is such a Daniel Humphrey Vibe.

And I'd rather be sad with you / Than anywhere away from you

All I Want - Joni Mitchell

I’m a white girl with a mother who grew up in the 60s, so I love Joni. And this song is so bubbly and joyful, but it’s also about a relationship between two imperfect people and wanting it to work anyway. Big “Despicable B” vibes!

All I really want our love to do / Is to bring out the best in me / And in you, too.

Dust to Dust - The Civil Wars

A friend in undergrad got me into the Civil Wars by showing me their live videos, and they have such incredible musical chemistry - like, the synchronicity of their ensemble is so good that it even comes through on their studio recordings and it makes these simple lyrics hit SO HARD.

You're just lonely / You've been lonely too long

NFWMB - Hozier

Ok, this had to be like the first ask I ever sent @bisexualdanhumphrey bc they wrote this fantastic meta post about Hozier and Derena but I said: “consider: NFWMB is a Dair song.” And they said, “You right.” I stand by it, and that’s why this song is on this list.

If I was born as a blackthorn tree / I'd wanna be felled by you / Held by you / Fuel the pyre of your enemies

Friday I'm in Love - covered by Phoebe Bridgers

This song - especially this cover - gives such Secret Friendship Arc vibes a la the end of 4x16...the inherent romance of eating pizza and falling asleep on the couch together

Always take a big bite / It’s such a gorgeous sight / To see you eat in the middle of the night

A Case of You - Joni Mitchell

Queen Joni again. Like! I am a lonely painter / I live in a box of paints. & The “You’re the star of Dan’s book” of it all in these lyrics!

I remember that time you told me / You said “Love is touching souls” / Surely you touched mine / ‘cause part of you pours out of me / In these lines from time to time.

Longing to Belong - Eddie Vedder

This is my thinly veiled attempt to tell more people about this: a song written and performed by Pearl Jam’s Eddie Vedder on ukulele, that is actually the softest love song in the history of western music.

All my time is spent here / Longing to belong to you

Bones - Josh Record

Okay, so, that Moment on the Couch at the end of 5x02? That’s this song.

And darling, when your feet are cold / Wait up, I'm coming home / And all of you I will hold / My love will clothe your bones

Cinnamon Girl - Lana Del Rey

The song for when you reach the end of plausible deniability - One all consuming paralyzing thought & You need to go back to Brooklyn - and it scares the heck out of you.

There's things I wanna say to you, but I'll just let you live / Like if you hold me without hurting me / You'll be the first who ever did

You and Me - You + Me

You can be flawed enough but perfect for a person

Section 3: Songs for Dancing in the Kitchen with Your Lover at 1 am

Cigarettes and Coffee - Otis Redding

The “Dan and I have a real connection song.” It’s about the romance of commonplace things when they’re with the right person.

But it seemed so natural, darling / That you and I are here

I'd Be Waiting - Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats

It’s “I just want to spend the day with you” but in like, slow-dance, sexy harmonies format.

If you ever get lonely if you never did

Never My Love - covered by Jakob Dylan and Norah Jones

The “Words of Affirmation” love song they deserve, and an underrated love song from Laurel Canyon, imho

What makes you think love will end? / When you know that my whole life depends / On you

Dancing in the Dark - covered by Morgan James

Okay so these lyrics are such Dan lyrics to me, it’s charmingly self-aware and self-deprecating. And this cover by Morgan James turns this staple rock song into something ~sexy~

I'm dying for some action / I'm sick of sittin' round here trying to write this book / I need a love reaction / Come on, gimme just one look

Oh Me Oh My (I'm a Fool for You) - Aretha Franklin

They’re literally always making each other laugh! It’s about feeling safe enough to be uninhibited and unselfconscious in your joy.

To make you laugh / I would be a fool for you

I Fall in Love Too Easily - as done by Chet Baker

No one, but no one sounds as sweet or as smooth as Chet. I know it, you know it, Hozier knows it. And this song and it’s titular thesis is so Them, it’s such a central part of their respective characters, and one of the things that makes them compatible.

My heart should be well schooled / 'Cause I've been fooled in the past

For Me Formidable - Charles Aznavour

Due entirely to this fic (Part II of a god tier s4 au) This is the end credits song for their full feature length Nora Ephron romcom.

NSFW Honorable Mention: Dinner & Diatribes - Hozier

it’s the definitive “men get pegged” representation, iykyk

[goldenkamuyhunting]

Ramblings and crazy theory time about GK chap 263 “Oosawa Fusatarou, also known as Boutarou the Pirate”

And so we’re ready to talk of the chapter we got as a (rather sad) present for Christmas and of someone we shouldn’t forget…

Yeah, Oosawa Fusatarou, better known as Boutarou the Pirate

(for who’s wondering the quote below his name is actually based on this quote: "Stories are for joining the past to the future. Stories are for those late hours in the night when you can't remember how you got from where you were to where you are. Stories are for eternity, when memory is erased, when there is nothing to remember except the story." by Tim O’Brien)

So okay, now let’s dig into the chapter.

We first follow some of the escaping knights, the ones who were tailed by Hijikata. Hijikata shoot them but he’s displeased to discover he chased the wrong group as the sack they were carrying is filled with barley and that he didn’t manage to kill them at the first shoot as they stand up again and try to gang up on him. At this Hijikata takes his sword...

...and since Hijikata is not bad with the rifle but he’s usually much more awesome with his sword I don’t expect them to last long.

We then move to Tsurumi’s steam pumper where Sugimoto has his rifle in his hands... and he’s ready to use it as a primitive club... because he has figured not even that up close he would manage to shoot something. Okay so he is also holding himself up with his other hand so shooting would be difficult but really, I see Sugimoto using his rifle as a club way too many time to think this is an one time thing motivated by emergency.

Sugimoto favours to use it as a wand, if this can’t be done, he revert to using it as a rifle.

Anyway with hit he tries to break Kikuta’s head but Kikuta manages to lower himself right in this so Sugimoto gets close but manages to make no harm... well, apart from managing to knock from Kikuta’s hand one of his PRECIOUS Nagant.

This is a hard blow for Kikuta, more than if Sugimoto has managed to hit him, because everyone has his priorities.

Tsurumi too has his priorities and tries to shoot at them.

I doubt he genuinely bothered aiming as Tsurumi is usually much better with his gun (though yes, they’re on a moving vehicle, but really Tsurumi is good and they’re close). I’m sure he thinks hitting Sugimoto would be preferable but he wouldn’t be above getting rid of Kikuta whom he never fully trust... so Kikuta complains that what Tsurumi is doing is dangerous. I doubt Tsurumi cares.

But we go back to Boutarou and Shiraishi. The bottle car enjines are still roaring but the car is still. Boutarou is still alive but no more in shape to drive.

Shiraishi, sweating a little, is asking him ‘what the hell came over him’ as saving Shiraishi wasn’t Boutarou’s normal behaviour in Shiraishi’s books.

Boutarou, who’s clearly dying, tell him that he has messed up and therefore, since he saved him, Shiraishi will do better not to forget him and tell his children the reason they exist is ‘thanks to Oosawa Fusatarou, also known as Boutarou the pirate’. Shiraishi agrees and Boutarou tells him he also has to make something of himself as he can’t live his life as nothing more than the escape king.

As he says so... Boutarou hands him the skins he got from Kadokura.

Shiraishi says he understands...

...and Boutarou pulls him closer to reveal him the info he got from the Ainu about where is the place where the Ainu first gathered up all the gold. This surprises Shiraishi greatly but when he asks Boutarou for confirmation the latter is dead.

The next we see is Shiraishi driving the bottlecar, a dead Boutarou on his side, as he promises him he won’t forget him... OosaKA Fusatarou, also known as Boutarou the pirate (Boutarou’s surname is actually ‘Oosawa’).

Okay so I stop here to say Boutarou’s whole death felt very underwhelming. Shiraishi, who up to the previous chapters seemed concerned and worried for him even though Boutarou had betrayed them, now doesn’t really look like he’s feeling much, even though Boutarou has just saved him from death taking the bullets that were meant for him.

Sure, it can be that Shiraishi is a bit in shock, hence the lack of expression but really, I’m not particularly impressed. The only moments in which Shiraishi seems genuinely affected are when he’s surprised at hearing the location of the gold and when he says to a dead Boutarou that he won’t forget him. Though since it seems Noda wasn’t in his best shape when he drew this chapter, maybe this scene will be revised later on. Shiraishi seemed a lot more emotionally involved when Kiro died than now... and it doesn’t help that Shiraishi, at the end of the scene, spells Boutarou’s name with the wrong kanji. If it’s a joke to say that Boutarou’s name couldn’t even be remembered correctly, well, that’s not funny, placed at this point. If it’s a typo though, this is also something we can only find out in the volume version.

Overall, okay, I was expecting for Boutarou to die, and it was great how Boutarou, in his last moments, passed everything to Shiraishi while pretending to remain himself (oh, I made a mistake in saving you) yet still showing he cared for him by telling him to get a real life, something that was more than escaping from prison to prison, and something Boutarou has always insisted Shiraishi should search for himself so it’s not like he’s saying so just because he’s dying.

And I think that Boutarou’s death will affect Shiraishi’s future, the way Kiro’s death will affect Asirpa (will Sugimoto too have someone whose death will affect him? Kikuta? Hijikata? Ogata? We’ll see...) but really, I wanted to see Shiraishi reacting more to his dead, at least as much as he has reacted to seeing him wounded. Well, whatever, we’ll see if this gets improved in the volume version.

Meanwhile back to Sugimoto we go.

Tsurumi has given up on trying to shoot him and is merely driving the steam pumper carriage, while Sugimoto is pinning down Kikuta, taking care of not getting shoot by another of Kikuta’s beloved Nagants.

Sugimoto, with his irises white in full murder/beast more, demands to have Asirpa back and that he’ll send them all to hell. Now that Kikuta is lying flat on his back and Tsurumi couldn’t shoot him too by mistake, Tsurumi is taking good care not to try to shoot Sugimoto. I guess if Sugimoto kills Kikuta Tsurumi will consider it as a personal favour.

Anyway, at Sugimoto’s statement Kikuta says to do it as ‘they’ll be rolling out the red carpet for him’.

This rings a bell in Sugimoto, whose eyes return normal, and should ring a bell in us also as Sugimoto said this same sentence in chap 2.

With an almost vulnerable look Sugimoto seems to realize the man he’s strangling is ‘Kikuta-san’.

As he calls him that this rings a bell in Kikuta as well who realizes ‘the immortal Sugimoto’ is the one he knew as ‘Norabō’ (ノラ坊 “stray boy”)…

...which draws a funny parallel with how Ushiyama called Ogata ‘Nora Ogata’ (のら尾形 “stray Ogata”)…

...but this nick is more likely meant to be here to tell us the truth is Kikuta met Sugimoto prior to the war, when Sugimoto was wandering after he left his village, which might explain why Noda was very vague when answering to a question asking what Sugimoto did in those 2 years.

Q8: What did Sugimoto do in the 2 years between leaving the village after burning his house and coming back to Ume’s wedding? Noda: He travelled to places such as Tokyo and Kyoto. [translation courtesy of @piduai]

This might also explain why Sugimoto and Kikuta, despite knowing each other, didn’t recognize each other.

Sugimoto was younger, without his distinctive scars, with longer and more straight hair so Kikuta, who apparently never learnt his name, didn’t connect him with the boy he knew. As for Sugimoto evidently he didn’t pay Kikuta any attention when the latter was in Karafuto with Tsurumi and now he was so knee deep in the heat of the battle he likely paid no attention to Kikuta’s face, only seeing an obstacle in front of himself.

I’m genuinely curious to see how things will go between them, especially because, at this point, Tsurumi decides to try to shoot Sugimoto again (no idea if because he’d heard their talk and understood things could turn out unfavourably or because he decided the chance Sugimoto were to kill Kikuta wasn’t worth carrying Sugimoto with them, especially because, once he had dealt with Kikuta, Sugimoto would try to kill him), the shoot distracting an already confused Sugimoto and Kikuta, instead than taking advantage of this to try again to shoot him, just kicks him off the cart.

Sugimoto rolls on the ground with his rifle...

...again Kikuta making no attempt to shoot him and then resumes running after them, calling Asirpa.

At this point we see Asirpa’s face as she tries to call Sugimoto...

...but we can’t know if she’s with Tsurumi because the scene switches to Koito, Tsukishima and Nikaidou’s group and really, I would totally LOVE if Asirpa’s with them (so yes, I’m biased and therefore not reliable in trying to guess where Asirpa is) because, as they think they’re safe because no one is pursuing them, Koito’s horse gets shoot down by someone in front of them, causing Koito to fall.

Tsukishima thinks someone is following them when, in that moment, Sofia, MY QUEEN, jumps from the roof on Tsukishima’s horse.

So you see, of course I want Asirpa to be there and end up with Sofia as I’ve been anticipating their reunion for YEARS. On another side Koito and Tsukishima are in a really bad spot because not only Sofia is very strong and her men are probably with her (hence Koito’s horse could be shoot by someone ahead of him), but Sofia knows they had a hand in Kiro’s death and wants revenge, sweet revenge.

Now, I don’t want those two to die but it was high time the tiger curse were to come bite their backsides and Sofia is such a formidable foe even alone she could spank Koito, Tsukishima and Nikaidou with a single hand considering how she had no problems holding her ground with a tiger and with Gansoku.

On another side I really wanted Sofia to have a chat with Koito as there’s a huge chance Koito too talk French and I think it would be really good for our Bonbon if he could talk with a lady who used to be a bonbon herself but grew out of it to became such AWESOME revolutionary leader.

Really, I’m so happy Sofia is back to the plot I can barely wait for the next chapter!

Anyway the story ends here, with Sofia ready to spank the boys while Sugimoto runs after Tsurumi. I expect Shiraishi will reach Sugimoto with the bottlecar and they’ll resume the chase and that Hijikata might possibly join them. That or Hijikata will join Sofia.

Will the Hijikata group join their boss as well?

We’ll see.

I doubt someone will catch up with Tsurumi though, and it’s entirely possible the next chapter won’t even spend a word on this as we’ve left Ogata and Vasily in the middle of attempting a sniper duel so next chapter might be about them.

We’ll see.

[youidiotprince]

A Very Merry Ca$hqu€€ns Christmas

“No, Nora! Stay out!” Ava yelled from floor, scrambling to shield her nearly wrapped gift from Nora’s curious gaze. Nora had announced her presence with a quiet knock as she pushed open the door, hoping to catch Ava off guard and glimpse her gift.

“Why can’t I see, hm? If the present isn’t for me. . .” Nora teased, crossing her arms over her chest, feet still planted in the open doorway.

“Because I…” Ava floundered for an explanation that wouldn’t incriminate her, but she couldn’t string together the words. “Just because! It’ll ruin it either way, so you just have to get out.”

“If you say so.” Nora turned to leave, but as she closed the door behind her, she added, “I’m taking this as confirmation that you’re my Secret Santa, though.”

“Nora,” Ava groaned, grabbing the nearest item and throwing it at the now-closed door. When it fluttered to the ground only a foot or so in front of where she sat, she realized it was the glittery green bow she still had to stick atop her present. She’d opted for a more classic look, with red and white striped wrapping paper, thick and shiny, a purchase she’d splurged on for her gifts this year because she’d always liked the crisp lines and folds the more expensive papers made when wrapping. Nora’s gift, which she’d already put under the tree earlier that day, was wrapped in snowman-covered paper, something she’d had leftover from the year before, and maybe the year before that.

Ava peeled the backing from the sticky part of the bow and placed it, perfectly centered where the lines of ribbon intersected on top of her rectangular package. She could faintly hear the tinkling bells of the festive music Nora had just started playing, and she knew that was her cue to hurry it up.

With the package cradled under her arm, she left her room and called out to Nora, “Hey girl, what do you need me to do?”

Nora rounded the corner from the kitchen and eyed Ava’s now perfectly wrapped gift. “Ooh, that looks gorgeous,” Nora said with a mischievous look. “I can’t wait to open it.”

“Yeah, you wish,” Ava taunted with a smile. She placed her gift under the tree and brushed her hands clean of it. “Have you heard from the others yet?”

“Mm, they’re both on their way, they should be here any minute.”

The girls busied themselves plating the snacks they’d prepared and the cookies they’d baked until they heard a knock at the door, the thuds sounding in time with the cheesy Christmas carol playing over the speaker.

“Merry Friendsmas!” Mailin and Fatou shouted together, smiles spread almost as wide as their arms. Mailin modeled a headband with reindeer antlers stuck on top and red makeup on the tip of her nose, and Fatou wore a red and green patterned sweater trimmed with glittery tinsel around the neck, the wrists, and the bottom hem. They both held up their presents, Fatou’s in a wintery blue and silver giftbag and Mailin’s wrapped in what looked like newspaper or scrap paper of some sort. They’d dressed on theme, matching Nora’s all red look paired with a Santa hat and Ava’s cozy plaid Christmas pajamas. After a quiet beat during which they took in all their different looks, the girls erupted in excited chatter all at once, talking over each other in order to compliment and dissect their different outfits.

“That must be so itchy,” Nora told Fatou as Fatou told Ava how much she envied her cozy attire.

“Your nose!” Ava exclaimed to Mailin as she reached out almost close enough to touch it before Mailin flinched away.

“No, don’t ruin it yet. I forgot the lipstick at home,” Mailin admitted sheepishly. “Although it looks like I could just borrow Nora’s.” Nora puckered her red lips in response. She backed out of the way so they all could come in and make themselves comfy. They left their coats and boots in the entryway.

“Mulled wine, anyone?” Nora asked from the kitchen as Mailin and Fatou added their gifts to the pile in the main room and sat on the couch next to Ava. “I’ll be having hot chocolate, so that’s an option too.”

Ava and Fatou shared a look before Fatou answered for both of them, “Two mulled wines, please.”

“Oh wait, I’ll come help,” Mailin said as she leapt up from the couch and joined Nora in the kitchen. “Also, I’ll have a hot chocolate.”

Once they brought the drinks out to the others, they all settled into their easy rhythm, talking about the little details of their lives that had happened since they’d last seen each other, recounting some of their best and worst holiday memories before they met each other. Nora opened up about the year that her mother hadn’t gotten anyone any gifts and Kiki, trying to fix everything, went out and bought Nora a box of colored pencils and a coloring book and Zoe a bracelet-making kit with the small amount of money she had. It hadn’t been much but it had meant the world to both of them. Zoe made each of the sisters a bracelet, and she wondered if Kiki or Zoe still had theirs. Fatou shared that one of the best presents she ever received was a book about marine biology with lots of pictures of marine life. She told them that her brother made fun of her endlessly about it, but he was always looking over her shoulder as she’d read through it.

When they felt like they’d run out of stories, they sang carols and karaoke in pairs until Zoe hollered from her room for them to quiet down, and while the singing might have stopped, they didn’t actually adjust their volume much. Eventually, feeling like a little kid who’d been trying their best to wait patiently for the chance to open presents but who just couldn’t hold it in any longer, Ava admitted, “Girls, I can’t take it anymore. We need to do the gift exchange already.”

“Oh, you’re right!” Mailin gasped, as if she’d completely forgotten about the main event of the evening.

Nora clapped and then wiggled her fingers together excitedly, looking slowly at each of her friends. “Who wants to go first?”

“I will,” Fatou said, straining to reach the gift she’d left with the others. She finally snagged the handle with the tip of her finger, so she pulled it over and sat back upright. “Okay, drumroll please.” The girls started pounding their fists on their legs or on the floor, whichever was closer. “This is for… Ava!” Fatou held the gift out to her with a flourish, beaming.

“Chibi,” Ava said warmly, taking the decently sized bag from Fatou’s hand. It was stuffed with white tissue paper which Ava crumpled into a ball and handed to Nora, who was collecting the trash. Beneath all of that was the edge of a sleek black frame, which Ava pulled out carefully. The frame enclosed a photo of the stars in the night sky with a date underneath: October 2, 2020. Ava brushed her fingertips over the glass, hovering just above so as not leave a smudge.

“It’s a print of the constellations on the first day we all hung out together, when we stole that money,” Fatou blurted. “I know you’ve been looking for things to decorate the place with, and that day is so important to me, to us. This seemed like a good gift because we both love the universe and space and astrology so much.”

“Fatou, this is incredible.” Ava’s voice was full of genuine awe. “Seriously, this is perfect, I love it so much. We should all have one of these, honestly.” Nora and Mailin were craning their necks to get a better look, so Ava passed the print to them. As they admired it, Ava turned to Fatou. There was no way Fatou could know just how much this meant to her. How lame and lonely and insecure she felt before as she tried to rebuild her life here without a solid friend group, how difficult it was to watch other people find these friend groups that seemed like they’d last for life while Ava had paper thin friendships that were haunted by the words of her bullies, the doubts and fears they’d implanted in her. Ava felt as though this group of girls, this group of best friends, had finally allowed her to embrace herself with the confidence she had only ever faked before. Fatou couldn’t know how much that day meant to her in particular, but still, it felt like maybe she did, at least a little bit. “Thank you, Fatou. Really.”

“You’re welcome, Ava,” she said as she rested her head on Ava’s shoulder and snuggled closer, patting Ava’s knee tenderly.

After a few moments, Ava offered, “Okay, I’ll go next, and we can just go whoever receives the gift can give the next one? If that works out.” Everybody nodded so Ava grabbed her gift and settled back down on the couch. “Okay, this lovely, award-winning wrapping is for none other than… Mailin.”

“I get the best wrapped one,” Mailin said as she excitedly took the present from Ava and shook it next to her ear. When she brought it back down in front of her, she hesitated. “I almost don’t want to open it! But alas,” she said, and with that she ripped open the paper to reveal a jewelry box with a brand label printed on it that she’d never heard of. When she lifted the lid, she saw two sets of earrings, one set of green and blue tie-dye rectangular pendants with “climate” engraved in one and “justice” engraved in the other and one set of large globe earrings.

“They’re made from completely recycled materials, and the proceeds went to a campaign for climate justice here in Germany. And they just seemed so you,” Ava explained, motioning between the new earrings and the earrings Mailin was currently wearing, which were big candy canes dangling from her ears.

“No, these are awesome, I’ve been trying to develop my collection of fun earrings. These are fun and make a statement. Thank you. Okay, my turn.” Mailin jumped up to grab her newspaper package. “Special eco-friendly wrapping,” she boasted. “Hope you enjoy.” With that, she handed the gift off to Nora without much ceremony, which added its own bit of surprise.

“For me? Ah, okay, I’m excited,” Nora said as she tore into the newspaper. Underneath it all was a thick stack of shipping labels, some used and some unused. The used ones were obviously an attempt at recycling, which Nora appreciated. The sticker at the top of the stack already had a note on it, which must have been written by Mailin, as it said, “Coupon for free shipping label retrieval and delivery for a year. Ask and you will receive.”

“Those are what you used to do your drawings on when you left them around the city, right? I know you’ve probably worn yourself out with all the drawings you’ve done for our shirts, but as a token of appreciation for all of that, I will provide you with shipping label sticker things whenever you need them.” Mailin finished her explanation with a proud smile.

“This is really thoughtful, Mailin. I’ll definitely take you up on this coupon offer,” Nora said with a wink. She then turned to Fatou. “So it’s just you and me,” Nora joked, handing her gift off to Fatou.

“This box is light, I wonder what it could be,” Fatou said as she ripped off the paper. She was only teasing Nora about the weight of the box, but when she opened it all the way and looked inside, it really was empty. Just completely empty. Fatou looked up, confused, and made eye contact with Ava. Ava’s stomach lurched. It couldn’t be. Had Nora forgotten a gift? She wouldn’t do that to Fatou, would she? And if she had forgotten, why would she just wrap an empty box? She hated herself for thinking it, but after everything she’d been through, she couldn’t keep the thought away that maybe this was a prank, that maybe Nora’s friendship with all of them was some kind of prank. It was just a nagging thought in the back of her mind, it couldn’t possibly be true, but she still couldn’t ignore it, not completely.

At the same time, Fatou and Ava turned to look at Nora, trying to work out what exactly was going on, but she was engrossed in something on her phone, her lips turning up into a smile. How could she be so callous?

“Nora,” Fatou started, voice quiet and hesitant. Before she could say more, three phones buzzed with a new message, and Nora looked up, smile growing. Fatou had planned to ignore the text, but now she was suspicious. She grabbed her phone from her pocket and opened the message, her phone redirecting her to WhatsApp. There, in the ca$hqu€€ns groupchat, was a collection of stickers, some actual photos and some drawings, of axolotls. The drawings had the axolotls pulling funny facial expressions, emoting in different ways. A smile here, a frown there, a wink and a stuck-out tongue. Fatou felt Ava exhale beside her.

“I’m sorry for the empty box, I wanted to give you something to unwrap even though the gift was virtual, but my timing ended up being kind of off with that one,” Nora said, sheepish. “And they’re not exactly emojis, but they’re close, right?”

“My axolotl emoji,” Fatou said almost dreamily.

“Nora, these are awesome,” Mailin chimed in from beside her.

“Thanks. If you want any other facial expressions, just let me know.”

A content silence stretched between the girls, everyone feeling comfortable and warm, processing the gifts they’d just given and received.

“Guys, this was so great, I… you don’t understand how happy I am right now. You guys are the best.” Ava’s heart swelled with something that felt like pride, maybe, that these were the people she chose, that these were the people who chose her. Of course Nora wouldn’t let any of them down like that, not on purpose. None of them would. They all loved and respected each other too much. “The ca$hqu€€ns were written in the stars, you guys. We were fated.”

At Ava’s moment of vulnerability, all of the girls rushed to wrap her in the tightest group hug, falling all over each other and ending up in a messy pile of cuddles. Limbs tangled and faces smushed, and when they finally started to pull away a bit, Mailin took one look at Ava’s cheek and sighed.

“Oh no, I smeared my nose on your cheek.”

[phantaloon]

right so, vent below on all for the game aka the book series I finished in three and half days bc my stupid brain would not let me live my life if I didn't finish and I haven't studied for two tests I've got tomorrow but this is somehow more important in my brain (and everyday I'm more convinced about adhd)

first things first... I love neil josten with all my fucking heart and oh jesus christ I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM, he's the typical damaged mysterious character I always love but I can't regret it, like I love every single one of these characters which is a lot to say bc that never happens? (well except maybe aaron, but he has his moments, and I totally get his attitude) BUT NEIL owns my heart, like genuinely, he is my everything now, he might be one of my favorite ever characters?? like I said, I love this type of angsty character, and it's dumb but I love him

also can I say how much I love this bc it literally is one of my favorite tropes? like found family? check. queer? check. mentally and emotionally unstable? check. enemies to friends to lovers? check. abusive pieces if shit getting what they deserve? check. did I mention found family????

like I genuinely love this, and the suspense of wtf will happen next is honestly what's pushed me not to sleep this past few days and push my assignments aside (which is so not me lmao) because I physically need to know what's gonna happen fr

like nora is a very clever writer that way, even though three books cover a year which is odd, she really has a way to captivate the readers, ffs she got me to read a sports novel?? I just love the simplicity and symbolism of her writing

but oc at this point, if you have any semblance of how I am you know exactly what my vibe is... andrew and neil. lowkey toxic relationship at first, andrew was truly a piece of shit as a friend, but am I a sucker for characters finding that person they can call home and feel safe around after not ever having that?? absolutely. (warm is the word I love when describing this, a person that makes you feel warm) the way their relationship was shaped over the three books and how subtle the details are is amazing

and how much of a fucking simp neil is. there you have andrew hiding his sexuality like a pro for a long ass while and then neil just cannot stop staring at andrew like dan howell looks at phil lester. he really did nothing to try to hide his fondness for andrew once they started hooking up even though they pretended it was purely physical. I just love how hard neil fell for andrew in so little time, like he went from yes I think I'm attracted to andrew to loving and looking for andrew like nothing else mattered (big percabeth vibes)

also can't not love andrew's development. like not in the literary character development kind of way, but more of a... personal kind of way, like it's not in a writing sense, it's simply his emotional development in a human sense. idk how to say it. it's not like apollo's in toa or damon salvatore's or tony stark's. it's simply his personal development from being self isolating, possessive, closed off, and just done with everything, with no semblance of a purpose to live, to someone whose doors just opened in every way. he gave in to his own dreams, his feelings, and he understands that he truly is not alone, he has aaron again and kevin and nicky and renee and neil and everyone else. he actually allows himself to be happy and live for once instead of just existing, and maybe he's not there yet, but he's definitely working to get there now, and I love him so much istg I wanna cry rn as I write this

but getting back to neil and andrew, god I love their relationship. they worked through every step of the way, they're so caring and careful of each other's boundaries and triggers and stuff, and they just understand each other so perfectly. not one of them expects of the other more than they can give, and they just work so well. I love that they never told anyone absolutely anything, their relationship is theirs, and theirs only, they don't deny anything, they're not ashamed of being together, but I really love that they chose not to let the others make a big deal out of it.

and I can't ever forget how much andrew must really love neil. we know neil is head over heels for andrew, but technically we don't know how andrew feels. except every single action he does proves it. it's in the details. from the second book and onward, andrew has such a soft spot for neil, even through what happened with drake in TRK, god andrew cares so fucking much for neil it hurts. he may pass it off as 'there's nothing here', but every one of his actions proves otherwise. even right after coming back from rehab, he cared for neil like he cared for no one else, not aaron or kevin. everything that happened was perfectly paced. from their first kiss to their last. just andrew even going against kevin when he was being too aggressive to neil is enough proof, not to talk about andrew letting the deal with Aaron go to be with neil, or everything when neil was kidnapped.

it's just, they both deserve all the happiness in the world, and I'm very fucking happy they found love in each other after all they've been through.

I'm sorry I'm ranting so much, but you can guess how I feel about smth when I've slept so little the past three days bc I was obsessed with finishing it despite having too much to do (I didn't pay attention to a class bc I was reading and it's fair to say I didn't do good in the following quiz), so yeah I have a lot of feels for this series

I just love their little family so much, you don't understand <3 found family is just my favorite ever trope and I have to stop my rant short before I write way too much when I should be studying for my very important tests to come

anyway you can bet I'll keep posting about this lmao <3 truly recommend it but mind the trigger warnings, some content can be a lot for some people, hell I like reading angst and I had to put my phone down a couple of times bc it's a lot, so yeah, ttyl