#i got to work early just to bust this out instead

[mychlapci]

Can we bring back the college slut Ratchet for a sec I never actually got over that

Imagine it's time for finals, and Ratchet is cracking down hard on studying. He may be a shareware slut but he still needs to make time for class, and now is the time to get serious. The problem is though, there's hardly enough time in the day to get through all his homework, have time to study for exams, and still go out for a good time. Enter his shifty deals with some scummy hookup he met online. Ratchet would get on his knees and suck spike while his contact would tell him he had all sorts of energizers and boosters he could take that would give Ratchet that extra kick to get through the day.

He didn't want anything hardcore, but he did take what his date offered him as he made his way out; some strange sort of energy boosters. The packaging said it was all natural in big cybertronian font, but the rest of the label was in some other alien language Ratchet couldn't read. He should know better than taking mystery pills, but Ratchet was pretty desperate for a quick fix to his problems, finals were getting closer after all.

After a few weeks of taking his daily pill, Ratchet felt great. He was full of energy all day long, he was getting plenty of work done rereading his notes and watching lectures, and he's had plenty of compliments on his perfect tight valve from his hookups. The only downsides Ratchet could point out were the extreme jump in his libido and the soreness in his chest. He was always an active bot, but Ratchet had been ready to crawl on other bots to get to their interface arrays. No one he hooked up with had any complaints that Ratchet wanted them around longer, so he didn't take it too seriously. The pain though wasn't as easy to ignore. He just felt so sore and tender, and he felt an increase of pressure on his windshield over time.

It was probably just the stress, he would tell himself. Ratchet had been eating more energon treats lately instead of eating full meals, the junk food binges just saved time in comparison to cooking. The stress probably also didn't help the bloating, he was sure once his exams were over he'd bounce right back to his usual specs. It'd have to be something he worried about later, because Ratchet had another date with his dealer to pick up more of his strange energy pills.

After a while of hot and heavy interfacing, the mech had smacked against Ratchet's windshield when their frames connected, leading the glass to crack. Ratchet didn't panic when pulling the remaining thick glass out of its slot in his chest, he was more shocked what was left from it. Ratchet's swollen chest bulged out the busted window. When he unlatched his armor, he stared in surprise at the enormous heavy energon pouches he didn't remember having a month ago. No wonder the glass had broken, clearly his breasts were too much strain! When he got back to campus he'd have to speak to the university doctors. He hated to say it, but he had to close up and end his hot date early.

The other mech was understanding and handed over Ratchet's energy pills before he left for the evening. Ratchet looked over the package, noticing it had changed from his empty pack. This time the box was a lighter pink, and all the text was in cybertronian. He read the box carefully now that he could understand it and froze up. The packaging wasn't a natural energy booster, or at least it wasn't a good description of what he was given. The pills Ratchet had been taking daily for weeks was what mechs would use to feminize their frames before any update work to lay groundwork for new plating. Ratchet's protoform was redistributing to thicken his thighs and aft and caused his usually inactive excess energon pouches to fill rapidly. It probably tied to his bad eating habits too, he figured. Only wanting sweets to bulk out his protoform more for all the changing it had done. Ratchet barely noticed the changes under his armor, but now that he was really examining it, he did feel more loose in some places and tighter in others.

He bounced between turning around to give his hook up a piece of his mind or going home and ended up just going back to his dorm. He could get angry and do something about the pill switch once exam week was over. He needed his full focus on his classes, even if studying without his pills was exhausting. Maybe just for a little longer Ratchet could stay on his pretty pills, but he'd stop right after exams.... And maybe after the party he planned to go to after exams, after all the horny pent up medbots in training would love to get their hands on his milky tits, and getting fondled by dozens of big strong mechs sounded amazing to Ratchet. -🌱

RATCHET FORCEFEM!!!! Aaaaaa!!!! Medic in training, he should've known not to take strange pills from shady older bots, but spike makes his head muddy, and he liked the promise of a little energy boost. His pills make him feel so good, not in a suspicious way, he's just... so lively and full of energy these days. aw, if only his chest wouldn't ache so much <33 i bet his contract loved watching him fill out a little bit, and his titties spilling out was just the cherry on top.

Ratchet should stop taking the pills, but it would be so stupid to go cold turkey now. And his titties are a big hit with all his classmates, and Ratchet loves having them fondled by big strong hands and maybe he should just have a little reframe so his fat thighs aren't so tight under their plating and maybe get a slightly bigger windshield so his chest isn't too sore all the time.

Soon he'll be a curvy little thing that no mech can take their optics off of...

[phantomrose96]

If anyone wants to know why every tech company in the world right now is clamoring for AI like drowned rats scrabbling to board a ship, I decided to make a post to explain what's happening.

(Disclaimer to start: I'm a software engineer who's been employed full time since 2018. I am not a historian nor an overconfident Youtube essayist, so this post is my working knowledge of what I see around me and the logical bridges between pieces.)

Okay anyway. The explanation starts further back than what's going on now. I'm gonna start with the year 2000. The Dot Com Bubble just spectacularly burst. The model of "we get the users first, we learn how to profit off them later" went out in a no-money-having bang (remember this, it will be relevant later). A lot of money was lost. A lot of people ended up out of a job. A lot of startup companies went under. Investors left with a sour taste in their mouth and, in general, investment in the internet stayed pretty cooled for that decade. This was, in my opinion, very good for the internet as it was an era not suffocating under the grip of mega-corporation oligarchs and was, instead, filled with Club Penguin and I Can Haz Cheezburger websites.

Then around the 2010-2012 years, a few things happened. Interest rates got low, and then lower. Facebook got huge. The iPhone took off. And suddenly there was a huge new potential market of internet users and phone-havers, and the cheap money was available to start backing new tech startup companies trying to hop on this opportunity. Companies like Uber, Netflix, and Amazon either started in this time, or hit their ramp-up in these years by shifting focus to the internet and apps.

Now, every start-up tech company dreaming of being the next big thing has one thing in common: they need to start off by getting themselves massively in debt. Because before you can turn a profit you need to first spend money on employees and spend money on equipment and spend money on data centers and spend money on advertising and spend money on scale and and and

But also, everyone wants to be on the ship for The Next Big Thing that takes off to the moon.

So there is a mutual interest between new tech companies, and venture capitalists who are willing to invest $$$ into said new tech companies. Because if the venture capitalists can identify a prize pig and get in early, that money could come back to them 100-fold or 1,000-fold. In fact it hardly matters if they invest in 10 or 20 total bust projects along the way to find that unicorn.

But also, becoming profitable takes time. And that might mean being in debt for a long long time before that rocket ship takes off to make everyone onboard a gazzilionaire.

But luckily, for tech startup bros and venture capitalists, being in debt in the 2010's was cheap, and it only got cheaper between 2010 and 2020. If people could secure loans for ~3% or 4% annual interest, well then a $100,000 loan only really costs $3,000 of interest a year to keep afloat. And if inflation is higher than that or at least similar, you're still beating the system.

So from 2010 through early 2022, times were good for tech companies. Startups could take off with massive growth, showing massive potential for something, and venture capitalists would throw infinite money at them in the hopes of pegging just one winner who will take off. And supporting the struggling investments or the long-haulers remained pretty cheap to keep funding.

You hear constantly about "Such and such app has 10-bazillion users gained over the last 10 years and has never once been profitable", yet the thing keeps chugging along because the investors backing it aren't stressed about the immediate future, and are still banking on that "eventually" when it learns how to really monetize its users and turn that profit.

The pandemic in 2020 took a magnifying-glass-in-the-sun effect to this, as EVERYTHING was forcibly turned online which pumped a ton of money and workers into tech investment. Simultaneously, money got really REALLY cheap, bottoming out with historic lows for interest rates.

Then the tide changed with the massive inflation that struck late 2021. Because this all-gas no-brakes state of things was also contributing to off-the-rails inflation (along with your standard-fare greedflation and price gouging, given the extremely convenient excuses of pandemic hardships and supply chain issues). The federal reserve whipped out interest rate hikes to try to curb this huge inflation, which is like a fire extinguisher dousing and suffocating your really-cool, actively-on-fire party where everyone else is burning but you're in the pool. And then they did this more, and then more. And the financial climate followed suit. And suddenly money was not cheap anymore, and new loans became expensive, because loans that used to compound at 2% a year are now compounding at 7 or 8% which, in the language of compounding, is a HUGE difference. A $100,000 loan at a 2% interest rate, if not repaid a single cent in 10 years, accrues to $121,899. A $100,000 loan at an 8% interest rate, if not repaid a single cent in 10 years, more than doubles to $215,892.

Now it is scary and risky to throw money at "could eventually be profitable" tech companies. Now investors are watching companies burn through their current funding and, when the companies come back asking for more, investors are tightening their coin purses instead. The bill is coming due. The free money is drying up and companies are under compounding pressure to produce a profit for their waiting investors who are now done waiting.

You get enshittification. You get quality going down and price going up. You get "now that you're a captive audience here, we're forcing ads or we're forcing subscriptions on you." Don't get me wrong, the plan was ALWAYS to monetize the users. It's just that it's come earlier than expected, with way more feet-to-the-fire than these companies were expecting. ESPECIALLY with Wall Street as the other factor in funding (public) companies, where Wall Street exhibits roughly the same temperament as a baby screaming crying upset that it's soiled its own diaper (maybe that's too mean a comparison to babies), and now companies are being put through the wringer for anything LESS than infinite growth that Wall Street demands of them.

Internal to the tech industry, you get MASSIVE wide-spread layoffs. You get an industry that used to be easy to land multiple job offers shriveling up and leaving recent graduates in a desperately awful situation where no company is hiring and the market is flooded with laid-off workers trying to get back on their feet.

Because those coin-purse-clutching investors DO love virtue-signaling efforts from companies that say "See! We're not being frivolous with your money! We only spend on the essentials." And this is true even for MASSIVE, PROFITABLE companies, because those companies' value is based on the Rich Person Feeling Graph (their stock) rather than the literal profit money. A company making a genuine gazillion dollars a year still tears through layoffs and freezes hiring and removes the free batteries from the printer room (totally not speaking from experience, surely) because the investors LOVE when you cut costs and take away employee perks. The "beer on tap, ping pong table in the common area" era of tech is drying up. And we're still unionless.

Never mind that last part.

And then in early 2023, AI (more specifically, Chat-GPT which is OpenAI's Large Language Model creation) tears its way into the tech scene with a meteor's amount of momentum. Here's Microsoft's prize pig, which it invested heavily in and is galivanting around the pig-show with, to the desperate jealousy and rapture of every other tech company and investor wishing it had that pig. And for the first time since the interest rate hikes, investors have dollar signs in their eyes, both venture capital and Wall Street alike. They're willing to restart the hose of money (even with the new risk) because this feels big enough for them to take the risk.

Now all these companies, who were in varying stages of sweating as their bill came due, or wringing their hands as their stock prices tanked, see a single glorious gold-plated rocket up out of here, the likes of which haven't been seen since the free money days. It's their ticket to buy time, and buy investors, and say "see THIS is what will wring money forth, finally, we promise, just let us show you."

To be clear, AI is NOT profitable yet. It's a money-sink. Perhaps a money-black-hole. But everyone in the space is so wowed by it that there is a wide-spread and powerful conviction that it will become profitable and earn its keep. (Let's be real, half of that profit "potential" is the promise of automating away jobs of pesky employees who peskily cost money.) It's a tech-space industrial revolution that will automate away skilled jobs, and getting in on the ground floor is the absolute best thing you can do to get your pie slice's worth.

It's the thing that will win investors back. It's the thing that will get the investment money coming in again (or, get it second-hand if the company can be the PROVIDER of something needed for AI, which other companies with venture-back will pay handsomely for). It's the thing companies are terrified of missing out on, lest it leave them utterly irrelevant in a future where not having AI-integration is like not having a mobile phone app for your company or not having a website.

So I guess to reiterate on my earlier point:

Drowned rats. Swimming to the one ship in sight.

[queers-gambit]

God's Plan

prompt: your boyfriend carries the worst parts of his job home, bringing to life one of your deepest-seeded insecurities. or when Carmy calls you clingy.

pairing: Carmen 'Carmy' Berzatto x female!reader pairing: Carmy x Peach

fandom masterlist: FX's The Bear

collection masterlist: Clingy Baby

word count: 3.3k+

note: she's short. she's to the point. author doesn't want to hear a GODDAMN THING about "glorifying" toxic relationships. shut the fuck up, eat your cereal, read the fic or just scroll away.

warnings: cursing, small angst, short fic, author mildly gave up, hurt with no real comfort, allusion to toxic family relationship, insecurity, not edited.

part two: Two to Tango

"Hey, what're you still doin' here?"

You glanced up from your computer, smiling at your coworker, "Just trying to get the study notes finished so they can be used for the analysis."

"Okay...? But you realize what time it is, right?"

You hummed, glancing at the analog clock, "Just about 7?"

"Yeah, so, go home," she chuckled. "Work's still gonna be here tomorrow."

"I'll see you then," you dismissed softly, watching her smile and turn away from your desk. You tried to get back into work, but the truth was, you felt overly burned out, but still wanted to work because it'd make you feel better being "good" at your job.

So, in reality, you didn't get home until 10:56 pm, yet still beat Carmy. You ate something simple, cleaned up, got a shower, and crashed into bed. You didn't know the time, but Carmy eventually came home; his arm heavy around you when settling for sleep.

You were the first up and out the door the next morning, just barely seeing Carmy when he got up for coffee. You managed a single kiss before rushing away, needing to get to work on time. When you got there, your entire morning was blocked for client meetings, then you took lunch, later, team meetings, and then the last hour or so of work was meant for individual recreation.

Another day of staying late, trying to finish work you thought was important. Another day of getting home late, missing your man, going to bed, and only seeing him the following morning.

However, this time at work, your boss told you that the analysis meetings were pushed back by a week... So, technically, you stayed late and busted your ass for no literal reason! And your coworker's entire cup of coffee spilled on you. And your Outlook email was under maintenance, so, you couldn't really work. And then, to top off a really shitty week, your car was hit in the parking lot and now had a huge fucking dent.

You were beat.

You were overwhelmed.

You were miserable, stressed, righteously confused.

You didn't stay late that night. Instead, you left at a normal hour and texted Carmy:

what time do you think you'll be off?

He replied when you got to your car:

maybe around 8?

You sniffled, nodding, answering:

okay, see you when you get home.

As you exited the parking lot, he replied:

what? you're off?

And you answered:

yeah, couldn't stand being there much longer. think you could get off a little early?

When you made three turns, he sent back:

i'll try, peach 💙

When you got home, you felt utterly defeated. Life felt like a never ending shitshow that refused to alleviate most of the stress you forced to endure. You were in tears by the time you got in the door, angrily stripping and getting a long, hot shower. You cried a little longer. When you got out, you got dressed in cozy shorts and one of Carmy's sweatshirts; going about a few household chores when you realized it was already past 9.

You didn't really want to, but you texted Carmy again,

hey, are you gonna be much later?

You made a simple meal, eating it in silence. When you were doing dishes, Carmy answered,

i don't know, going over menu items with syd. text you on my way home

You just went to bed, exhaustion from the week catching up to you.

Sometime later, you felt Carmy crawl into bed beside you. You were only half awake, but still turned over and nestled into his chest, hearing him sigh. "You're home late," you mumbled.

"Sorry f'wakin' you, Peach," he whispered, pecking your forehead. "You good, baby?"

"S'been a long fuckin' week," you squeezed him.

He sighed, "Sorry it was rough, Peach, but hey, hey, back up a little, 's kinda warm."

"But I haven't seen you."

"I know, but it's just warm. We'll cuddle in the morning, okay?" You only sighed and turned back over to face away from him. You resettled with your pillow, just settling when he asked in a hardened tone, "You mad?"

"No, Carmen, go to sleep."

"You sound mad."

"I'm not."

"I don't mean to piss you off, it's just been a long night f'me and I don't want to cuddle right now," he said in a sharp tone that made your stomach coil and churn.

"Shut up, I'm not mad, Carmen, go to sleep."

He scoffed, your irritation spiking. "You're really fucking mad 'cause I don't want you laying on me right now?"

"No, Carmen, Jesus - "

"Callin' me fuckin' Carmen doesn't help," he snapped.

You sat up and turned to him, "You want me to be mad? Maybe I'm a little pissed off that I've barely seen my boyfriend this week! Not like you've made an effort to speak to me, but I've had a pretty shitty time at work, too - so, excuse the fuck outta me for feeling disappointed!"

"Disappointed in fucking what, Peach? In not wanting t'cuddle right now?"

"Maybe, yeah! I'm upset, stressed out, maybe I just wanted some comfort, God! Now you're all up in arms, I just wanted to go to sleep - but no, you want to pick at me!"

"Oh, Jesus, fucking Christ! You couldn't just talk to me about you having a shitty week, you gotta be laid up on me? When the fuck did you get so Goddamn clingy and desperate for fucking attention? Huh? So fucking desperate for love? Sorry you had a shitty week, darling, but you're not alone in that. Sorry if it's fucking hot and I just want to sleep."

Feeling yourself fighting a losing battle because he wasn't listening, you just sighed, "Okay, Carmen."

He scoffed again, turning over to face away from you, "Know what? Fuck you, sweetheart."

You stared at his back for a long minute, feeling shocked by his words. "You can be such a fucking dick, you know that?" You snapped, standing from bed.

"And you can be a dramatic bitch."

"Yeah, that's me, the bitch you chose, huh!?" You rolled your eyes and nodded sarcastically; taking the blanket from the end of the bed, figuring he wouldn't miss it since he was so fucking hot. With only your phone and charger, you went out to the living room and crashed on the couch; covering up and crying quietly into a pillow from the overwhelming stress built in your chest. You felt guilt plunging your stomach, tearing it apart; feeling as if it were your fault for having physical touch as a love language.

Sleep evaded you that night. About an hour before your alarm, you called in sick and shut your phone off, resettling in misery as Carmy left the bedroom for work. You didn't move, never opened your eyes. However, they popped open in surprise when Carmen shoved your shoulder, "Hey."

"What?" You muttered.

"You're late for work."

"Called in."

He snorted, "Yeah, must be nice."

You didn't say anything else, feeling utterly defeated by his sharp words. The lack of response made Carmy pause and glance over at you from the kitchen, honest surprise coloring his system because he usually knew you to bite back. But you were quiet and still, the only indication you were even alive being the slow drag of your shoulders.

He let the door slam after he left for work, and you instantly sobbed. What you didn't know was that Carmy had come back, forgetting something mundane, and came to a halt outside the door when he heard you crying. He felt guilty, but Carmy wasn't usually one to confront problems; he instead ran away, like always.

After a night of exhaustion, you finally cry yourself to sleep.

When Carmy got home that night after work, he found you still huddled on the couch. After a look around, he realized you hadn't moved all day; nothing to eat, nothing to drink... He wanted to wake you but still felt so fucking irritated from his job that the idea of reconciling with you felt far fetched. So, he did what he did best and isolated himself by going to the gym for a few hours.

You still hadn't woken up when he got back.

So, he just went to bed; hating sleeping alone but hating his pride more because it refused to let him get up and go get you. Carry you to bed. Smother you in apologies. Beg for forgiveness. He was cold that night.

You were awake around 4 am.

The entire apartment felt as cold and aloof as your boyfriend. You felt so silly for still being there, knowing you paid for an apartment of your own, but liking that Carmy's place was closer to your work. And he never asked you to leave, in fact, the times you went home, he was calling you within hours to beg you to come back because he hated sleeping alone.

Whatever happened to that lad? The one who was so in-love with you that he would desperately ask you to come "home" to him? Who was this man now? Who called you clingy, desperate... A bitch.

You could only stand to make coffee, feeling powerless in this tension. You didn't want him to ignore you any longer, feeling like you'd drop to your knees for his forgiveness if it would end this feud; but you weren't so naïve. You spent several long minutes mentally prepping yourself for more anxiety, telling yourself you could handle the day if you just powered through it. Everything should be fine so long as you didn't do anything else to upset him, as long as you didn't do anything to warrant him yelling at you - again.

You finally decided on an emotion, since you could feel so many at any given point in time, and since this situation was one you've never encountered before. Carmy had brought forth one of your biggest insecurities and then smashed it in your face like punk-ass siblings did to your birthday cake. You decided you were hurt by his words, tone, and actions; you were hurt by the man you loved unconditionally, and that was a terrifying thought on its own. He was once a man you thought couldn't do any wrong, to now being a man you were unsure of how to even speak to; fearful, as you once were as a child, to upset him and create hostility directed at you.

Carmy often forgot he didn't have a monopoly on toxic, complicated family dynamics, but being that Mikey was still so fresh for him, you kept quiet about your own issues in an effort to be a loving, supportive girlfriend. Yet even while trying not to upset anyone, to create tension, you somehow managed to. You felt your heart and soul shrivel into a withered raisin when you remembered your family and how they constantly put you down; saying that nobody wanted a girl like you who tried, tried, and tried again only to fail. They thought you were damaged goods, treated you as such and always smeared your name in the mud whenever you thought you had found someone to love you and be loved by you.

All that trauma was rearing its ugly head now, making doubt sink into the cracks of your relationship. No matter how hard he tried, Carmy couldn't ever take those words back once they've been said, and he had to understand that going forward, this would strain your relationship. Taking anger and frustration out on you was inappropriate, putting a bad taste in your mouth; making you wonder how the hell you'd ever move past this when his words circled your head like water draining from the sink.

Sometime around 9 am, you were curled up on the couch with your coffee and a book; Saturday dragging by slowly to allow you the reprieve of being off work. The bedroom door opened and you held your breath; sweat breaking out on your brow; heart stammering in your chest. When he came out, Carmy didn't look at you, which allowed you to watch him. He made a to-go cup of coffee, then shouldered his backpack before heading for the door.

"Carmy?" You asked softly in confusion, "I thought you were off today?"

"I am," he replied stiffly, "but I gotta run errands."

You didn't have time to respond before he was storming out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. You blinked in shock, confusion plunging your heart to your feet as you realized he didn't ask you to join him, in fact, he didn't appear to want to tell you his plans until you had to ask directly when he was walking out the door. You felt terrible, more tears swelling in your eyes at the discord your boyfriend prolonged.

Something in your heart snapped and you stood from your seat. With anger coursing through your veins, you turned into a miniature tornado and quickly started gathering whatever you could get your hands on that belonged to you. You had enough, you felt hurt, yes, we established this, but then the disrespect started to overflow out of your heart to color your blood. Never linger where you're not wanted, you should never tear yourself down to that level. Never should have to second guess yourself, either - especially in a space where you're supposed to be safe.

You started to wonder: is it clingy if you made dinner and saved him a plate? Is it clingy if you did his laundry? What about cuddling? Is that clingy? Well, apparently! What else are you wrong about? If you texted him? Asked his opinion? What about if you held his hand - is that clingy, too? Probably!

Physical touch and quality time were your love languages, but after this reaction, you wondered if everything you'd do from now on would be judged? Would you be crucified for showing your love? For trying to participate in your relationship?

All day, you moved your stuff back to your apartment. All shoes, clothes, purses, make-up, haircare and skincare products - any and all period products, too. You left fucking nothing; going as far as to lay face-down the photo of your two on his bedside stand. You'd of taken it, too, but you felt sick at the thought so you left it for him. Sunday night, you didn't return to his apartment, and Carmy didn't call to say goodnight; both figuring the other was still pissed off. Your Monday was long and annoying, but once it was over, you had to admit, it was strange returning to an empty apartment, heat up leftovers, eat while watching some Netflix show, and then crashing into bed - moving mechanically.

Days passed uneventfully, albeit, a bit sluggishly. And then, Thursday arrived, and with it, the shit that would hit the fan.

You were enraptured in this book by Anne Tyler called "Dinner At The Homesick Restaurant," and couldn't stop reading it. You nursed a mug of tea, the outside darkening with an approaching thunderstorm that would talk to you in the silence and send bolts of lightning to illuminate the city. A shrill ringtone then played, making you jump slightly and glance at your phone only to see Carmy's contact name and photo.

You stare at your phone for a long moment, and then, after convincing yourself that ignoring him would only add fuel to the fire, answered quietly, "Hello?"

"Peach? Hey, uh... Are you, um, still at work?"

"No?"

"Where are you, then?"

"I'm home."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."

"I'm standing right here and you're not, baby, unless you got superpowers or something?" He chuckled nervously, hearing nothing on your end. "In fact, I, uh... I don't see any of your things. You move 'em?"

He'd never admit it, but your personal touch in his living space transformed it into a home; and now that they were all gone, he hated how cold, dreary, and grey the apartment felt.

"Carmy, I mean my home. You know? The apartment I still pay for?"

"Oh, well... Why're you there?"

"Why wouldn't I be? I had to bring my stuff back and leave it somewhere safe."

"It was safe here, Peach," he argued.

"Yeah, but it's your space and last thing I need is to be yelled at and insulted again for being clingy 'cause I left clothes at your apartment."

"Fuc'k's sake," You heard him hiss under his breath, bringing tears to your eyes. "You know I don't mind, I want you to leave shit here so it's easier on you to commute. Look, you know it's Thursday, right? Does our standing date night ring any bells?"

"Okay, but we haven't honored that in weeks? You know, 'cause you've been really busy."

"I thought we could get back into it tonight."

You sighed, turning the page in your book, "No, I don't think so, but thanks anyway."

He took a long pause, asking nervously, "What's wrong, Peach?"

"Nothing. Is there anything else, Carmen? I'm in the middle of shit."

"Oh, uh, n-no, I guess that's it. You comin' over tomorrow?"

"No. I told my brother I'd help him this weekend."

"But tomorrow's... Friday?"

"Yeah, that's how a calendar works. I have to travel to get to him," you scoffed.

"You didn't think to tell me?"

"Why would I?"

"You tell me everything! You don't think that's something I should know? That my girl's not even gonna be here this weekend?"

"Well, you're the one who said I was fucking clingy, remember!?" You finally snapped. "So, I'm giving you all that space you wanted!"

"Baby - "

"No, it's a great idea. We need space, Carmen; this isn't fair to either of us anymore," you spoke seriously, the line going quiet.

"What?"

"We need space from this relationship."

"I don't. I don't need space, Peach, baby, no, just listen, okay? I'm so sorry, I came home stressed out and I took it out on you. I'm sorry, I really am, this isn't what I want. Okay? I'm sorry. Just - come back home and we can - "

"No, you know what? I think I'm the one who needs this space," you snapped. "You said some pretty fucked up things, Carmen, that you can't ever take back, and now that I know, I can't un-know what you think about me. So, I need time to sort myself out."

"What're you saying? A-Are you breaking up with me?"

"Not yet, no."

"Baby, don't do this. C'mon, okay? I'm sorry, baby, I-I-I was wrong for what I said, I didn't - I didn't mean it! None of it, okay? Know I love you, baby, please, just come home, okay? I'm so sorry, I love that you wanna be close to me, I shouldn't've pushed you away. I'm sorry, okay? Please, baby, I'm so sorry. I need you, Peach, please. Just come home, we'll talk it through, I promise, no yelling - "

"I think you already said it all. Your words were 'clingy' and 'desperate'. Oh, and you also called me a 'bitch', so, I'd hate to be the bitch that makes your already stressful life all the harder."

"I didn't mean that - "

"I gotta go, Carmen, we'll talk later, okay? Goodnight."

He froze when he listened to those three distinct beeps that indicated you hung up on him. Confusion and hurt now seeped into the cracks of Carmy's heart; wondering when the hell he'd become so Goddamn self destructive to ruin the best thing he's ever had - you. The apartment might as well turned into ice with the way the light left, your departure suddenly haunting him.

When will these boys learn? The love of a good woman is rare, they'd only ever be so lucky as to think they deserve a woman like you. Nobody ever gets to guilt you for your love language(s) and then grovel for forgiveness. You deserve better, you deserve more; whether you could see that right now or not, you deserved to be loved in the best way for you. And sometimes, that means walking away from something you once thought was exactly what you wanted, but perhaps, never what you needed - call that God's Plan.

[ part two: ] Two to Tango

requesting rules and masterlist

The Bear masterlist

Clingy Baby collection masterlist

[fandomfucker]

I WANT TO BE MANHANDLED BY RHEA PLEASEE

WARNINGS: SMUT!!! (thigh riding, fingering, hickies, nicknames, slight degradation, spanking, oral, rough)

Word count: 1,771

Reader's POV

"Oh shit."

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit."

It was the mantra repeating in my head as I hurried down the nearly empty corridor of the back of whatever arena Raw was taking place in tonight.

My girlfriend, Rhea, had told me to meet her at her locker room twenty minutes ago so we could grab a cab and leave a bit early since we were both done for the night and she had told me that she had something planned for us.

I, however, had gotten a little caught up in something and just about busted my ass trying to get there before she got too mad.

Skidding around the corner to where her dressing room was located I slammed face first into what felt like a solid brick wall.

The impact sent stumbling back but before I could land flat on my ass a hand as familiar as my own wrapped around my waist, keeping me upright.

"I'm so sorry babe," I apologized to my girlfriend as I wrapped my arms around her neck. Her grip on my waist tightened as her eyes flared at me in anger.

"I lost track of time and then I was running backstage and tripped and Rhea, I ate shit, and I'm so so sorry." I panted, trying to catch my breath as I clutched the back of her t-shirt in my fist.

Her jaw clenched as she looked at me, and I could tell she was choosing her next words carefully.

"Are you okay?" She asked me.

I nodded carefully in response.

She gave a curt nod before going back into the room, coming back only a second later with both of our bags in her hands.

"Lets go." She said before brushing past me and making her way down the hallway, leaving me to close the door behind us and scurry after her.

I waited beside her silently until our cab arrived, only looking over at her when she grabbed our bags to put in the trunk, her ordering me to get in the car instead of helping.

Hopping into the back, I buckled in and waited for her to join me. Once she was in and ready, we took off towards our hotel.

The whole ride back was spent in a thick silence. I could feel Rhea's anger pulsing off of her in waves as I trembled nervously in my seat. The only real assurance I got that she wasn't mad mad was her hand squeezing my inner thigh.

Wasting no time, as soon as the car pulled to a stop in front of our hotel, Rhea was up and out of the car getting our luggage. She met me at the front door and I followed her in as we made our way up to our room.

The second the hotel room door closed behind me I was roughly pushed up against it, one of my thighs brought up to her hip as she cradled the back of my head to keep it from hitting the door too hard.

"You were late, Sweetheart. You didn't listen to me, and you know what happens when you don't listen to me." She growled at me before attacking my throat with her lips.

She bit and sucked her way up and down my throat, from the bottom of my ear to the top of my breasts, leaving her mark along the way.

A guttural moan escaped me as she explored my body with her tongue. She bit my throat harshly, a sign to shut up, causing me to whimper as I bit my tongue to stop any further noises from escaping.

Once she was satisfied with her work on my neck, she pulled away, bringing me with her by the hand holding the crown of my head.

Walking us backwards toward the bed, Rhea unleashed her signature devilish grin on me as she licked her lips, her piercing glinting in the moonlight streaming in from the open windows.

She maneuvered us so that she was now behind me as we both faced the bed in front of us.

My face then hit the plush comforter as she pushed me down roughly from behind. And my shirt was ripped in two as she clawed it off my body, her nails leaving little red lines down the length of my back.

Grabbing my shoulder, she turned me over so that I now laid on my back. She removed the remain of my shirt off the front of my body before shimming my jeans over my hips and down my legs.

I now laid before her in nothing but my underwear, having forgone a bra this morning knowing that this is exactly where I would later end up.

"You slut. No bra and a thong?" Giving me another devilish grin she lightly traced a finger down my clothed core, making me shiver from her cool touch. "Only for you, Mami."

My comment received an firm slap on my pussy, making me suck in a large breath as Rhea tore into my underwear, ripping them to shreds just like my shirt.

Her pointer and middle finger were harshly shoved up into my vagina and began pumping in and out of me at a quick pace. She held my hip down with her free hand to keep me from riding her fingers.

She suckled my neck as she finger-fucked me. Her thumb began to draw circles on my clit as her fingers slowly down but ever thrust came harder and harder.

"I can feel you're almost there, babydoll. Tell me what you want." Her voice was low and sultry as she spoke down to me, her amused smirk never leaving her face.

I immediately complied, both dying to come and to appease her. "Please, Mami, I want to come. Mami, I want to come please."

Satisfied with my answer she gave me a small nod, picking the pace back up and hitting my g-spot with every thrust as she simultaneously rubbed my clit.

The pressure finally sent me over the edge. I shook with pleasure, coming all over Rhea's hand as she slowed down and helped me ride it out.

A loud moan escaped from my mouth as Rhea removed her hand before gripping the underside of my knees, and forcing them up to my chest for better access.

My pussy glistened with my slick, bared wide before my goddess of a girlfriend as she kept me folded in half and bit her lip in excitement as she kept her eyes trained on my body.

Her head bent down, her tongue coming out to lick up the mess she'd made. My legs trembled and goosebumps prickled my flesh when her piercing grazed my clit, all the while her hands massaged the back of my thighs, keeping them up in the air above her head.

Once she deemed me clean enough, she stood back up and threw my legs to the side, much like she would her opponents before pinning them.

Finally stripping off all of her own clothes, I was ordered to sit there on the edge of the bed with my hands laid on the bed beside me.

Admiring her naked body before me I sat and waited just as she had told me to.

She slowly stalked up to me, her eyes trained on mine and she stood in front of me, both of my legs between hers. She kicked one of my legs away, spreading my legs apart, before slowly lowering herself to straddle one of my thighs.

I could feel how wet she was on my leg, especially once she grabbed my neck and shoulder for leverage and started to grind herself on my leg.

Moaning at the feeling, she closed her eyes, completely at the mercy of the bliss she was feeling.

Wanting to give her the most pleasure possible, I began to move my thigh against the pace she had set for herself, doubling what she was already feeling.

The hand that was holding onto my shoulder moved down to my breast squeezing it as she rode me. Finally opening her eyes she addressed me. "Touch me, slut."

My hand immediately found one of her breasts, teasing her nipple, as my mouth found the other, sucking and biting until she was frantically grinding herself against my thigh.

Loving when she came undone, I continued to suck at her nipple, being careful not to irritate her piercing too much, and brought my other hand down to her pussy.

She was so soaked she had me moaning but I quickly found her hole and inserted three fingers into her, pumping hard as she continued to grind on what was now the palm of my hand.

Not a minute later she was crying out and coming all over my hand. She laid her head on my shoulder as I helped her ride out her high.

Once she stopped shaking as much I removed my hand from underneath her.

"Lick it up." She ordered as she lifted her head, her cheeks flushed and forehead sweaty.

Happily, I sucked the cum off of each finger, preening at the hungry look in her eyes as she watched.

Standing up and backing away from my thigh, I could see not only the puddle Rhea had left on my thigh that was now dripping down both sides, and onto the floor, but the strings of cum that stretched from her pussy to my leg as she stood up.

Putting her hands under my thighs and around my waist, she picked me up bridal style and threw me further up on the bed, immediately grabbing my side and flipping me over onto my stomach.

My breath left me for a second after being flipped around so quickly. Her hands slid under my thighs and brought them up to her, leaving me on my knees in front of her.

Without warning, I felt her hands on my ass, spreading my cheeks wide open just before her mouth was on my core. Moaning loudly, I leaned into her face, resulting in a smack on my ass as she began to tongue-fuck me.

She was rough and soon began sucking on my clit again as she fucked me with her fingers. In no time at all I was a shaking, moaning mess again, begging to come.

Rhea rode me down from the high, flipping me back onto my stomach before crawling over me and laying down on top of me with her head resting on my breast, her right hand splayed across my stomach and tracing the tattoo on my ribcage.

"I'm sorry I was late, Rhea." I apologized as I brushed her hair out of her face. She snuggled closer into me and held me tighter. "'s okay, babe. You should be late more often." Laughing, I closed my eyes as we fell asleep together.

[the-kr8tor]

The Morning after

Pairing: Hobie Brown x gn! Reader/ Spider-Punk x gn! Reader

Word count: 2.2k

Synopsis: you spend a peaceful morning with Hobie.

Tags: no use of Y/N, no specific physical description of the reader (reader is mentioned to be smaller than Hobie though) TW food mentions, established relationship, FLUFF , lovestruck Hobie.

A continuation of this fic.

My Masterlist

*I don't consent to having my work translated/published on other platforms*

Hobie wakes up with his right arm aching, he groans from the weight slightly crushing his arm– wait what?

He opens his half asleep eyes with a confused look. Hobie cranes his neck down, he finally sees who the intruder is.

Hobie smiles to himself, Fully waking up, he remembers that he invited you over. He stares at your form, memorizing every bit of detail from how you clutched his jumper with a grip, your lips slightly parted as you exhale, the early morning sun shines at your back, bathing your form in a heavenly glow. Hobie moves you closer to him, as to not let the rays hit your face and disturb your peace.

He tries to move you both farther away from the edge of the bed, but he finds that your legs are intertwined with his, preventing him from moving.

He huffs, a lopsided smile on his lips. Hobie ghosts his thumb over your cheeks, the pattern from the knitted blanket leaves a mark on your skin. A sign that you've slept well, and in his arms no doubt. His forgotten comforter kicked to the foot of the bed.

He gets a whiff of your coconut shampoo, surely leaving its scent on his pillow.

He thinks about buying a proper toothbrush holder, so he could place his and yours together.

He really should invite you more.

Hobie's spidey senses wake him up from his daze– he clutches you closer to his body, carefully cradling your head. A wave from a moving boat rushes towards the houseboat, rocking it harshly. His busted alarm clock drops to the floor in a crash.

Hobie hisses as he sees you twitch. He curses whoever was in that boat.

"Ughh" you groan out, muffled against Hobie's chest. You grip his jumper tighter.

"Shit" his voice deeper than usual, you release his jumper and instead hug his torso. The waves get calmer, rocking you both softly.

"You alright?" He rubs your back just in case you feel sick.

You pop your head away from Hobie's chest, chin resting on his scratchy jumper, you tickle him a bit, but he won't tell you that of course. You open one eye to stare at him, yawning.

"Say that again?" You ask with a tilt of your head.

"Are you alright?" He hides his laugh by clearing his throat.

"Hmm" you grin "I like your morning voice"

He chuckles deeply, knowing what it does to you.

"Oh, you did that on purpose, you dork" you softly say.

"Yeah, bet it got you all hot and bothered for it too, huh" Hobie pokes your sides teasingly.

"Don't start" you swat away his hand, noticing his teasing mood this morning, you anticipate his tickling.

"You look pretty in the morning, you didn't wake up early and clean yourself up secretly, right?" He knows you didn't, sleep still sticking on your eyes, your hair looking disheveled.

"Nope, it's au naturel" you quip back. It earns a deep chuckle from Hobie.

He carefully rubs off the gunk from the corner of your eye, you sigh into his touch.

"You like my morning breath too?" He tries to blow air downwards but you're ready, you clasp your hand over his mouth, stopping his teasing.

You laugh victorious, that is until he licks your hand, recoiling your hand away, he laughs loudly.

"Hobie! That's it, I'm not making you breakfast"

"Alright, alright, I'll stop. For now" he grabs the back of your head pushing you back to his chest.

You move to the crooked of his neck instead, in case you're crushing him. You slyly wipe his drool from your hand on his jumper.

"I saw that" Hobie peeks downward.

"No, you didn't"

"This is vintage y'know"

"It's your own drool!" You laugh.

"Yeah! And you slobbered all over it while you used me as your personal pillow" he rubs the exposed skin on your waist, cupping the softness fondly.

"I don't slobber!" You grab his jaw downwards so you could look eye to eye.

"Tell that to my soaked jumper" he whispers, his eyes flickering down to your lips. Your heart skips a beat.

Knowing what he's gonna do next, you cover his lips over your hand, "let me brush my teeth first"

You push away from Hobie, your torso barely off the bed, he grabs you by the waist, pulling you back down. You gasp out.

"Nope" in one swift movement Hobie cups your cheek guiding you towards his lips, your lips crash against each other, you cringe when your forehead hits his a bit too loudly. Insecurity fills you when you remember that you still have morning breath.

He doesn't care though, instead he pokes your sides, making you gasp parting your lips, making him kiss you deeper.

You pull away breathlessly when you hear a rumbling noise underneath you.

"Ah, fuck" Hobie facepalms in embarrassment.

Hobie's stomach grumbles again, mocking him.

You grab his hand, peeking in "aww, my poor baby is hungry" you mockingly coo. "I'll make you breakfast, sunny side up right?" You push off him, finally noticing you're on the wrong side of the bed.

"Yes, please, love" he exhales out the embarrassment.

"How'd I end up on this side?" You point out.

"Huh, I probably dragged you with me"

You imagine what it might've looked like, you fluster. Even asleep he wants you near, you look at him adoringly, swiping away the sheen on his lips before leaving a kiss for good measure.

You leave for the bathroom, he stares at the door you entered in, a lovestruck expression on his face. Once he knows you're decent, he flips away the covers, following towards the sound of the faucet squeak open.

Hobie knocks, you hum while brushing your teeth. He opens the door, then leans against it, his arms relaxed on his sides, his sweatpants hang low on his hips.

He admires you bathe in white fluorescent light, his shirt on your form hanging loose on you. You looked out of place but at the same time fitting right in his tiny bathroom.

He thought you looked like you came out of an oil painting.

"You need to use the bathroom?" You ask as you place your toothbrush down.

"You should leave it"

"Leave what?"

"Your toothbrush, for next time" Hobie crosses his arms, a sudden shyness floods him.

"Of course" you smile, already getting what he's trying to say, "I was already planning on leaving it" you come forward, leaving a minty kiss on his cheek. "Your turn stinky" you pat his bum with a smack.

Hobie hears your laughter echo around the houseboat.

-

After washing up, Hobie opens the bathroom door, the smell of eggs and his favourite tea covers his senses. He chuckles to himself.

He could get used to this.

Hobie enters his modest kitchen, you hum along to the music from the radio, the inside of his houseboat looks a bit different than before, there's more light shining inside, fresh air wafts through the open windows, it seems that there's more life in his home.

He moves towards you, hugging you from behind. You giggle at the contact. He looks over your shoulder, he watches as you expertly flip the pancake over.

"Hello to you too" you crane your neck to look at him "I opened the windows, it's too nice outside. Hope you don't mind"

"I don't mind, we need the fresh air" he snuggles deeper on the crook of your neck. "Where'd you get pancake mix? I know that I don't have any"

"Ah, I brought it with me" you side glance at him, gauging his reaction.

"So, you were planning on making breakfast for me, hmm?"

"I did bring it, but it doesn't mean I was planning on cooking it myself" you turn off the stove, he turns you around, crowding you in between him and the stove.

"So you're making me breakfast out of the goodness of heart then?" He holds onto your hips.

"Yes, you're making the next one by the way"

"You're a cheeky one, aren't you?" He leans towards you, his lips ghosting over yours, but before sealing the deal, he grabs his mug behind you. He sips from it loudly, making eye contact over the mug.

You roll your eyes, trying to hide your disappointment. "You're a menace" you give him a plate of eggs, sunny side up just like how he requested it. "Make yourself useful, and set the table"

Hobie sees his kitchen counter slash dining table, that's not gonna cut it out for you. He looks out of the window, the rare sun shining over the river, fluffy white clouds blanket the sky.

It's a beautiful morning, a shame to waste it.

He pushes the door open, leading to his 'porch'

"Where are you going?" You ask curiously.

"You'll see" Hobie peeks back inside, a smirk on his face.

You shake your head at his shenanigans, you wonder what he's planning.

The water looks calm, the cold morning air nips at his skin, his jumper barely protecting him from the cold. Hobie sees the metal table wet with morning dew, that won't do, so he grabs a nearby cloth to wipe it dry, he carefully puts down the plate of eggs and his tea, to wipe at the mismatched chairs.

Hobie wipes the wooden chair more thoroughly, since the metal one looks more worn down, he's concerned you might poke yourself on it.

He looks at his handiwork, there seems to be something missing, Hobie roams his eyes around the boat, his eyes stop at an empty beer bottle, he places it in the middle of the table acting as a centerpiece.

Then he perches himself near the edge of his boat to pick a single daisy from a neighbouring houseboat's flower pot; he's sure they wouldn't notice one missing. Hobie gingerly puts the small flower inside the bottle.

You open the door with your foot a little too loudly, you squint at the harsh sound. Hobie quickly moves to help you carry out the plates and mug.

"Thanks, Hobie," you grin, your smile gets wider when you see his little set up. The little daisy swaying in the air. "Oh, handsome" you gasp out.

You're finished, your eyes slightly glazing over.

Hobie chuckles at his new nickname, he moves the wooden chair for you to sit, hands on its back, like a gentleman.

" C'mon then, stop gawking, I'm starving" he stares at your dumbstruck face, the cold air leaving goosebumps on your arms.

You sit down, smiling, forgetting the cold air.

"Do you want me to grab a jacket?" He asks as he rubs your arms from behind.

You grab his wrist, you bracelet around it with your fingers, "no, stay, I'm okay" you sniff, revealing your lie.

"Nah, I'm not letting you freeze to death, let me grab it real quick, alright?" Hobie runs inside, eager to come back to you.

Oh, he's absolutely whipped for you, no doubt about it.

You revel in the sun shining on you, closing your eyes, you inhale sharply. Hobie sees you like this, his breath hitches in his throat. You must look heavenly, a slight breeze makes your eyelashes flutter. Opening your eyes, you notice eyes on you, you smile at him.

He's done for.

Waking up from his stupor, he wraps the dark hoodie on your head. A feeble attempt to hide the effect you have on him

"And here I thought you were being sweet on me" you tease him, knowing that he actually is soft for you.

"I've got a reputation, y'know" he sits down with a metal creak.

Hobie notices that you're sitting a little bit too far for his taste. "What are you doing there? C'mere" he grabs your chair, pulling it towards him, the wooden legs scraping against the metal of the boat.

You laugh, despite the harsh sound coming from the scraping.

"There, much better?" He leans on the arms of his chair.

You nod, a permanent smile on your face "much better" you kiss his cheek, your cold lips a contrast to his warm skin, it melts into his skin, etching in like a tattoo.

You intertwine your arm around his, speaking softly, as to not disturb your little peaceful bubble around the both of you, " y'know I thought you would be grumpier in the morning"

"Why's that?" He leans closer.

"I don't know, you seem like the type" you whisper against his lips, "you're a night owl, so I thought you would hate waking up this early"

"Only if I don't sleep well" heat rises in your cheeks at his implication, "Lucky for me I've got my very own koala latching on to me last night"

You raise your eyebrow "Really a koala, that's the best you can do, Hobart?"

"You always resort to calling me by my government name whenever you're flustered, koala works, lovey" he cups your jaw, his thumb brushes past your lips. You close your eyes, leaning in.

Before your lips could meet, you hear a gurgling sound.

You pull away, laughing loudly. Hobie lets out a small goddamnit.

"We should eat, before your stomach starts eating you from the inside" you say in between laughs.

"Yeah, yeah" he grumpily grabs his spoon.

You hide your smile behind your mug.

A/N: thanks for reading! Hope you liked it, as always likes and reblogs are appreciated ❤️❤️❤️

*image above is from pinterest*

[alicelufenia]

A Guide To Keeping Wyll And Karlach After Siding With Minthara In Act 1

Or as I like to call it, how to permanently recruit Karlach and Wyll (because I have yet to complete a full playthrough with both of them)

Ever since Larian added a way to legitimately recruit Minthara by knocking her out, I've wanted to help the community be more successful in their efforts to give my favorite drow yet another concussion. Because like all things related to Minthara, the KO method was buggy as hell, non-intuitive, and metagamey as fuck. I wrote multiple guides on it, to the point where I made the master post my pinned for a while. You may have seen it at some point, but here it is again for reference [x]

As happy as I am with the success of those posts, it's time I revealed my true alignment. I'm actually one of those scary Minthara stans who has killed the grove more times than siding with the tieflings. I know, you'd never guess by looking at my blog (don't look at my blog) I did it my first playthrough and it's only gotten easier since. And while I stand by it as the single best way to experience Minthara's character and story arc, I'm not so cold-hearted as to deny that it's a shame we miss out on Wyll and Karlach in the process.

So rather than play the villain, what say we have them stick around by taking on the REAL villains of Act 1:

The Druids

To start off, you'll want both Wyll and Karlach in your party, and Withers in camp. I've had him show up upon crossing one of the bridges in Act 1, either to the blighted village or the goblin camp, I forget which, or you can bust him out of his Dank™ crypt. Proceed through Act 1 as normal. To be safe I got as much approval from them as I could in early game, but that may not be necessary. Offer to kill Kagha for Zevlor.

Now, both of them need to die, and preferably not by the hand of your party members. I had them suicide charge the gnolls and get wrecked, as on Tactician mode they'll attack downed party members until they're dead. I don't know if having them jump off a cliff works, but it might. We need to entrust them to Withers by asking him to look after their bodies instead of reviving them. Their bodies will then appear in camp by their tents.

Now go kill Kagha without revealing the shadow druid conspiracy. This should trigger the Druids to start fighting the Tieflings, which will happen off screen as you deal with Kagha and the few druids inside with her (killing Nettie earlier might make this easier in case she joins in. She tried to poison you, so serves her right.)

Steal that idol! I'm not 100% sure this is required, but it takes no effort at this point and you need to sit tight for a minute, so might as well.

Also if you thought you could return the idol to Mol, no luck, she won't accept it until the fighting ends. Unfortunately all the tieflings need to die for this to work, so rip Ring of Protection. But not exactly rip the tiefling kids, more on that in a minute.

OOF, rip Dammon (and most of Karlach's questline. Don't look at me like that, it's Larian's fault for tying her entire story onto one npc and giving nothing as an alternative)

I'll give the tieflings credit, they did not go down without one hells of a fight. This bear was found burnt to death, probably due to Zevlor.

Damn, they really killed all of them. I wanna point out this can happen even on a good playthrough with the best of intentions.

In the end, only four(!) druids survived. I don't know how they'd fare with Kagha fighting too, but overall I'd say the druids talk big for doing this badly against a bunch of unarmed civilians. We kill the last four of them, then get ready to move on.

With trepidation, I go to check on the kids. Not recommended if you raid the grove for real, but here:

It's just... empty. No bodies, no npcs hanging around, they completely cleared out.

I like to headcanon that Mol followed through on protecting her kids, and they escaped down this hole. I'm still very early in this run used for testing, so I have legit no idea if they show up later. But this is good enough for me to include them all in my fanfiction so :D Congrats, the only tieflings with rights (sorry Karlach!) are gonna be alright (because if we don't see a body it doesn't count)

Next step is to just... keep going. Sazza can get you into the goblin camp no problem, and if you play a Drow or have Shadowheart use disguise self, you can gain entry without any checks or dialogue. My half elf needed to talk her way in (or just use AUTHORITY)

best goblin btw

MOMMY

Lookit how happy she is after Sazza has brought her the grove's location! A lead on the weapon AND another True Soul AND she's concussion-free? Everything's coming up Minthy!

It's at this point things get a little weird (I did warn ya), as the game now has flagged the grove as "raided" even though we haven't done an actual grove battle, which is a different thing (as I'll demonstrate later), so Shadowheart has her "post-raid" dialogue when we wake up on the next long rest. The Raid The Grove quest is also marked as Completed, but still has a marker on the map. Have patience, return to the grove and walk through the (destroyed) gate, and suddenly:

The quest will update, and direct you to speak with Minthara in the secluded chamber where she normally is at when the raid is finished. There's also goblins milling about the grove now, same as the post-raid grove.

Get someone who looks at you the way Minthara looks at a cave full of dead druids and tieflings.

"No Minthara, I never meant for any of this to happen. This was all my fault, I shouldn't have gotten involved, they're all dead because of me-"

"Nevermind I am no longer morally conflicted about all this."

To the goblin party!

LIES. He never mentions it again lmao. C'mon patch 7 fix this! (you won't)

Why we're all really here 🥰

The next morning, speak to Withers and ask to collect your dead party members. He will have you confirm payment for their resurrection.

And it works! Karlach and Wyll are back, they can rejoin the party, and their approval is Unchanged!

Since I was on a roll, I went ahead and checked a few other scenarios: what happens if we don't start a fight with the druids and just raid the grove directly, with Karlach and Wyll dead? Well you can revive them afterwards, but...

Dang, Wyll still leaves (he's still so nice about it though! Even wishes you well!)

Meanwhile Karlach: Feck off, cunt.

Well, she's not leaving, but she's never been this blunt or cold towards me before. I wonder how much-

Damn, -49?! That's literally one away from leaving permanently! She started at 50, which means Karlach looses 100 approval from raiding the grove, and being dead doesn't change that. I think the only reason she's at -49 instead of -50 is due to that +1 from reviving a party member. So, she's grateful for being brought back to life, but not happy about anything else. You know what, that's fair.

One last thing I tested (and no pics for it cause this post has reached its limit! But those extra pics of Sharp-Eye Sluck are important, so I'll just write this next part out) I wanted to see if it was even necessary to finish off the remaining druids after they killed all the tieflings. So I left the grove (manually, you have to journey quite a distance before it lets you fast travel, almost all the way to the first bridge) and headed to the goblin camp to start the raid as normal.

Like our first time, we arrive at an empty grove. Even the druids we left behind are gone, meaning you can safely headcanon this method as joining up with the goblins and Minthara to take revenge on the druids. The game still acts like you killed the tieflings though, down to Gale's threatening to leave.

But Karlach and Wyll still get brought back without a problem! You can even revive them DURING the goblin party and they'll act like nothing's happened!

Wyll And Karlach Recruited Alongside Raiding With Minthara: Success!

So Baldur's Gate 3 community! I now implore you to put down your Pommel Strikes, switch off that Non-Lethal toggle, and stop giving poor Minthara even more brain damage than the tadpole and the Absolute already gave her!

And when you reach Moonrise Towers to rescue her, for the love of Selûne, when the guards are torturing her in the prison, don't just swing on them. Agree to enter her mind first. You'll have a dicey roll to deal with, but trust me, it's SUPER worth it!

As for the whole process, well. Despite the clunky way quests update after you start the grove civil war, the resulting lack of direction and narrative inconsistencies in the dialogue post-goblin party, this still feels like a more immersive way to recruit Minthara on a run with both Karlach and Wyll still present, than the KO method, in my not-so-humble opinion.

Consider this: You've got a major twist in the Act 1 plot now, with the Druids turning on you and killing the tieflings you were trying to help, leaving your party dispirited and lacking direction, other than to continue their search for a cure, which leads them to meet the Absolutists, the goblins, and the drow commander leading them and looking for the druids' sanctuary. And in the midst of your grief and anger, you side with her, both to get close to the source of the infections (as the Dream Visitor suggests) but also to take your revenge out on the druids.

You can feel conflicted, regretful even, but the context has changed enough that I think even a good-aligned Tav with no qualms about methods can live with this result. It just takes a bit of filling in the gaps (do you simply point the goblin army at the druids and look away, or lead them yourself by Minthara's side? Either way works for the results)

The only real downside is, again, Karlach's story just sorta ends here, until the confrontation with Gortash. I personally think this is a problem with Larian's writing for her, and at this point fanfiction is about the only solution in sight. But if you don't mind her not getting the chance to touch others again, you really have nothing to lose here

Besides, were you really going to pay Dammon for that act 3 armor? Of course not, you steal it every run and don't pretend otherwise, "hero."

[writeandsurvive]

Hi. I’ve been reading your work and it’s been sooo funny. It’s my first time asking for fic. Could you write a fic where Gibbs and reader is in the secret relationship in the bullpen. And one day they’re having breakfast or lunch or anything and they’re cute, sweet, and so in love each other and then being caught on the scene by someone in the bullpen.

Thank you so much for good works!

Hello anon, thank you for the request and your kind words, it means so much to me ❤️ I hope this is what you were looking for!

Busted ~ Jethro Gibbs

It's not easy to give a relationship secret, but it's even worse when it happens in the workplace, and the people you're the closest with are all trained investigators. However, you and Gibbs have been doing a great job at hiding it. It's a lot thanks to him, to be honest; the man has one hell of a self control and when he puts his mind into something, he never fails.

Most of the times you were almost caught was because you couldn't keep your hands off of the man you love. A stolen kiss here, a lingering hand there. The closest to being busted happened when a lawyer was clearly hitting on Gibbs, and your jealousy went over the roof. You trust Gibbs more than anyone, you know he'd never do something like that, but seeing this woman being too comfortable with your man, touching his arm, and giving him flirty looks, that was hard to handle.

However, it led to the first time Gibbs allowed himself to let go in the office. Noticing how jealous you were getting, he got you to follow him to autopsy, taking the elevator and shutting it down. He immediately grabbed you and kissed you intensely. Then he looked deep into your eyes, silently asking if you got the message. You smiled and nodded. Gibbs was a man of a few words after all.

Weekends off were a very rare thing for the team, so when the boss said 'see you on Monday' by Friday night, it was a race to the parking lot. Obviously, a few minutes after you got home, Gibbs let himself in and you immediately jumped into his arms. "An entire weekend, just you and me?"

"Why else would I let everyone go this early?" He kissed you.

After spending the Friday night at your place, ordering takeouts and simply relaxing together, you went to his place on Saturday. Gibbs feels more comfortable there, and he likes to work on his boat while you're reading a book in the armchair he specifically brought into the basement for you.

But Gibbs wanted to spoil you. He knows he's not the most outgoing and adventurous man, and there's this tiny voice in his mind that keeps telling him you're gonna get bored of him and the relationship. So, he used all of his computer skills to search for the best and fanciest restaurants in Washington. He wished he could've asked McGee for this, but how would he explain it? 'I want to take my girlfriend on a fancy date, and spoil her the way she deserves, cause I'm afraid she'll get bored and leave me. Also, my girlfriend is someone you love like your own sister.'

It was a nightmare to do this research, but Gibbs was satisfied with himself when he found the perfect place to take you.

"Your burgundy dress is still here, right?" He asked, joining you after he took a random shower.

"I think so, why?"

He kissed your forehead. "Go get ready, we're going out."

"You're kidding? Where are we going?"

"Surprise."

You excitedly got up from the couch. "Okay, but I need to take a shower too!"

He looked at his watch. "You got an hour, good enough?"

"Yes sir!" You quickly pecked his lips and rushed upstairs.

You don't remember the last time you got into a fancy restaurant like this, you kinda felt out of place. But it was amazing to see Gibbs being this romantic with you, holding doors, pulling out the chair, he even ordered your first alcohol drink, for the both of you instead of going with a beer or bourbon. "You're spoiling me," you shyly smiled. "And you look extra handsome tonight. I still love the polo shirts and hoodies though."

"You deserve to be spoiled." He grabbed your hand and brought it to his lips. "Had to clean up nice so people don't wonder why the hell you're doing with me, more than they already do, at least."

It was amazing. The food was exquisite, the conversation flew smoothly between you, and Gibbs kept complimenting you, and not just physically. He hinted several times how lucky he felt that you were with him, loving him and standing by his side no matter what. "Jethro," you looked at your joint hands on the table before getting lost in his wonderful blue eyes. "You don't have to do this to make me happy. I'm happy as long as I'm with you."

He stayed silent for a moment, processing what you were saying and looking for the right answer. When he opened his mouth to answer, a voice came out from behind you. "Boss! Wow, fancy seeing you here!" Tony DiNozzo. Great. You couldn't get out of this, could you? "Who's your da--" he reached the table, and finally laid eyes on you.

"Hi Anthony," you teased. "Didn't recognize me from behind? That's offensive from you."

Tony kept looking between you and Gibbs, mouth open. "I think he's having a stroke." You joked to Gibbs, who softly chuckled. He had accepted that the cat was out of the bag.

"DiNozzo, you gonna keep standing here or let us go back to our date?" Gibbs asked.

"I, um, wow. I got some many questions." Gibbs gave him his famous, which got Tony to solely look at you. "I got many questions." He said, lower.

"I can still hear you, DiNozzo, and most importantly, I can still see you."

You nodded to Tony with a smile, silently telling that you'll indulge his curiosity.

"Well," you laughed after Tony was finally gone. "I guess we're no longer in a secret relationship."

[writersblockedx]

If it was a Preference

Pairing - Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader Summary - You had your own history with the Winchester brothers, in particular, Dean. So when the two bumped into you, accompanied by a new hunter partner, jealousy can't help but grow. Warnings - Alcohol use, mentions of violence. Words - 2K

Masterlist

Dean didn't just like you because you were a hunter. Rather, he was much intrigued by your blunt, frankly reckless approach to hunting. You weren't afraid of the monsters you faced - or at least you certainly didn't show it. He had heard of your name before. He knew that not only his dad, but fellow hunters spoke highly of you. While he was doubtful at first, he came to realise that your approach was one he was envious of. And from the few times Dean had the privilege of working a job alongside you, he came to the conclusion that you were one of the few people he actually respected.

And so bumping into you while on a hunt was a pleasure rather than a burden. He and Sam and just rolled into town, following the trail of bodies across the state to a small town. It was that night as he wandered to the bar, his eyes caught sight of someone familiar. "I'd say it's funny seeing you here, but I think we must be chasing the same thing."

Dean was surprised to see two heads turn to him: you and one of whom he didn't recognise. A man, rough around the edges and drinking a beer. He was a hunter, Dean could guess that within a second. Your lips lifted into a smile, "Dean," You were already leaning over to give the man a welcoming hug. Yet he didn't ease into it, instead, his gaze was caught onto the hunter behind you. "It's good to see you."

You pulled from the boy, "Yeah, you too." His eyes had barely noticed you.

You followed his gaze and found the source, "Sorry, this is Jamie."

The fellow hunter held out his hand and Dean shook it cautiously, "Y/n has mentioned you before, Winchester, right?"

Dean nodded, "That would be the one." He settled by leaning onto the bar, a nagging feeling clawing at his which he could quite rationalise. "So erm, how do you two know each other?" He questioned.

"We've been working together," Jamie answered, glancing to you with a smile Dean wished he could slap off him; suddenly that nagging feeling was consuming him.

"Like a month now" You added so casually as if it were normal. "Just been helpful, fiances haven't been so easy this year so we've been travelling together." 

Dean attempted to keep up his chill facade but it was breaking and you could start to see through the cracks. "Together?" He laughed at the word. "That's funny cause I thought you only ever worked alone." He was making a dig and you couldn't quite understand why.

You glanced to Jamie who was just as confused, "Like I said, money's been more difficult. Fuel and food costs less when you're splitting it." 

"Well, when I last saw you, you swore you would neve-"

"Y/n?" The taller Winchester brother busted in, cutting Dean's snarky comment short. "What are you doing here?"

The two old friends embraced, smiles licking their lips as they retracted, "On the same job as you two it seems." She answered. 

Sam shrugged and unlike Dean, when his eyes met Jamie, they didn't scowl, "And who's this?"

You never got the chance to answer Sam; "This is Jamie." Dean interjected, "These two-" His index finger wiggled between yourself and your partner. "-are working together. Because Y/n apparently doesn't just work alone anymore."

Dean's brother could tell something was itching him. As if it wasn't already written on his face, his tone had voiced his irritation. Rather let such continue, Sam sort to deescalate the situation. "Maybe it's best we head back to the motel?" His hands grasped his brother's shoulders. "Get an early night and regroup on Monday." He flashed a forgiving smile your way before pulling Dean away from the bar.

"Sounds like a plan." You nodded your head to Sam and he continued to drag his brother out of the bar.

Your eyes followed the siblings that you had grown ever so close to. Never had something like this occurred. Of course, Dean would flirt - sometimes recklessly - but you had gotten used to it. You had started to see every word that came from his lips as just his personality. He treated any woman (or sometimes man) with the very same cheeky smirk and quick pick-up lines. But this reaction, dare you admit it, but it was almost protective. Something Dean only showed when someone's life was on the line; not when bumping into an old friend at a bar. 

Nothing changed the next day. In fact, things seemed to have heightened for Dean. His brain had latched onto his envy; to have someone stand where he had always wanted to be. To have you at his side, Sam at the other, partners. It begged the question; why did you pick someone random over him?

"There's been another one." You chucked the newspaper onto the booth the four of you had been seated in.

The morning had been spent in a rustic diner, comparing theories over coffee. When the daily newspaper came out, you made sure to be the first to purchase. And as to be expected, another dead body was printed across the pages. "They're not slowing down." Said Jamie as he observed the paper. 

"We don't know if it's vampires yet." Dean warned with a stern tone littered over his tongue.

Sam shrugged, "It's our best bet." He took the newspaper, reading further into the local news. "We are, however, on the right track. Says here this happened to the town just over."

The paper dropped back to the table where you could all see it. The blood, the lifeless body, the monster that was calling out to you. "So what now?" Jamie asked, his eyes flickering between the other three. 

"Get our fake IDs, get into this crime scene." You decided.

There followed nods of agreement before Sam added, "I'll stay here, do some research, see if I can find where they're heading next."

"I'll stick with you." Jamie offered. "I'm sure Y/n can tell you, I'm not the best at the lying and acting, especially not to authority." Such was true and had almost landed you in some bad, illegal places; and people wonder why you did all this alone.

"Well then," Your eyes caught Dean's like you were in a crossfire. "Looks like it's just us two, agent."

You crawled from the booth where you gathered the fake FBI badge from your coat pocket. "Agent Johnson, really? How imaginative." Dean read the name as he stood in front of you, ever so close your chests could have brushed against one another.

"Better than some random guitarist's second name." You grew a smirk which Dean didn't dare break.

Instead, he smirked back, "They are not just random." With that, the two of you started walking towards Baby, digging deep into Dean's facades on all his IDs.

The crime scene was as to be expected. Suburban house; police tape; nosy neighbours. You and Dean were used to wriggling your way into the scene. Pushing through with ease, dressed in the smartest clothes which couldn't say any lounder that you were someone of importance. And when you finally reached the front of the crowd, the officer noticed it too.

"Excuse me," You called to the cop who was already on her way over. "We're with the state, if you don't mind we'd like to take a look around, following up on some other leads." You explained as you had done numerous times before.

With a flash of your badges, the tape was moved for your entrance, "Thank you." Dean muttered to the cop before the two of you made a B-line for the porch. "So, you're certain this is vampires?"

He opened the door and you followed him, "I never said certain." With a scan of the hallway, you deemed it safe from any wondering eyes and grabbed the EMF reader. "We've still got some things to cross off the list."

A static noise was sounded from the small machine, but no beeping; you were safe for now. "Well I just thought that because Jamie said-"

"Jesus, Dean!" You weren't even halfway down the hallway before he was bringing up the subject. "Would you just drop it? I can form my own opinion and usually, my opinion is right about a hunt."

"I'm just checking miss 'I only ever work alone'." He made quotation marks as his feet stood firmly in the midst of the hallway. He did so on purpose, blocking your way further into the house. "Who knows, maybe having a partner will change how you work." He suggested.

Your expression moulded into one of offence, "You doubt me?"

Dean could have shivered, "No." He seemed sure of that. "I doubt him. I don't know who he is and I certainly doubt he's good enough for you...to be your partner I mean." The boy added in case there was room for misunderstanding.

A sigh fell from your lips and suddenly, in the face of Dean, you couldn't keep it in anymore. "Look, I'd be lying if I said Jamie was a good hunter. He isn't. He almost got us arrested because he forgot the name on his FBI badge. He can't aim for shit, he doesn't know lore about basic monsters. I was explaining vampires to him last night right until you bumped into us." The words started pouring and you weren't stopping them. 

"So why work with him?"

"He's not just anyone Dean. He comes from a rich, very loaded, family. The only reason he knows anything supernatural is because one of their houses had a vengeful spirit which I got rid of for them." You explained. "Like I said, it's practical, not preference."

You watched in a passing moment as Dean's gaze faltered and the cogs in his brain started to turn. When he looked back at you, something seemed to be flickering within his pupils - you just couldn't work out what. "And if it was up to preference?" His voice was low as if whispering a secret.

You shrugged, suddenly unsure of where Dean was headed. "Alone, you know that."

"But if you had to?" He jumped in before you could take another breath.

Uncertain, you chuckled, "Dean, if you're wanting for me to say-"

He took a step closer, trapping you between himself and the wall. It was a small hallway, even smaller with Dean pressing your back against the wall. And it was safe to say your breaths were uneven, your heart was struggling to keep up with your thoughts and you couldn't break your stare with Dean. "I want you to mean it."

You attempted to take an easy breath in a way that didn't show Dean how obviously crumbled you were by his words. "Dean, if I had to pick anyone to work with, of course, it would be you." Never did you blink. "And I mean that so much so that I can't believe you have to question it."

Suddenly your eyes broke from one another. Only to flicker to the lips. You took a breath and before you realised, there was no more space in between you. Caught up against the wall, breathless, you were moulding your lips against Dean's; the only hunter you could ever see yourself working with.

"I thought you guys were checking the place out?"

You jumped and then froze. In the door way stood the policewoman; one way to ruin the moment.

Of course, Dean slurted out his usual, "Yeah, just checking out these walls here." His knuckles knocked against the wall by your head before the two of you sheepishly continued into the house.

Maybe the job wasn't over and maybe you had just come close to breaking your FBI facade, but you would never regret the words you spoke or the actions you made in that very moment. 

[sexhaver]

What makes Jeweled Bird so bad?

first, some context: wayyyyy back in the stone ages when dinosaurs walked the earth and MTG first released, it was envisioned as less of a serious competitive card game people would explicitly try to minmax and more of a fun little diversion for your D&D group to play while you wait for Jared to get off his shift so you can actually start your campaign. this explains a lot of design choices that seem backasswards 30 years later. for instance, yes, Richard Garfield knew Black Lotus was unbelievably busted, but figured it was fine to print since it's not like people would do anything crazy like buy up hundreds of packs/hunt down singles on a secondary marketplace and play the game competitively for cash prizes.

one of the wackiest outcomes of this design philosophy was the concept of "playing for ante", an optional game mode/modifier where each player would begin the game by putting the top card of their library directly into "the ante", a pile of cards off to the side. whoever won the game won permanent, real-life ownership of all cards in the ante. basically "playing for keeps" but in a TCG instead of with Pogs or those weird tiny cardboard Beyblade tops that came in chip bags.

as you might guess from just reading that description, it was pretty wildly unpopular with most of the playerbase at the time and only got less popular as time went on. people didn't want to risk losing their cards, especially once the game became established and some of those cards were worth, like, actual amounts of money. and then there was the variance - it was entirely possible for you to ante up your only copy of an expensive card (meaning you were even less likely to win because now you can't draw it) while your opponent anted a basic land.

partially due to this, but mostly due to WOTC lawyers learning about the concept of "gambling laws" and WOTC PR learning about the optics of getting children into gambling, ante was officially removed from all sanctioned MTG tournaments very early into the game's lifespan (in fact i think this might have been enshrined into law before the actual first official tournament) and mostly memoryholed from the comprehensive rules, outside of section 407, which leads with this literal legal disclaimer:

there were 9 cards printed before this that explicitly reference "the ante" and do something unique to the cards in it. all of these cards have been errata'd to include the rules text "remove this card from your deck before playing if you're not playing for ante" and banned from LITERALLY ALL SANCTIONED FORMATS, including Vintage, the format whose entire appeal is "we never ban anything" (laughs in Lurrus).

okay so with the context out of the way we can start getting into why Jeweled Bird specifically is A Bad Card

first, the obvious: it's an ante card, which means you can't play it unless you're playing for ante, and if you ask anyone at your LGS to play for ante they will try to surreptitiously call the nearest retirement home to report an escapee from their memory care unit. so right off the bat it's quite literally unplayable as an MTG card (ante doesn't even work right in cube drafts, usually the last solace of jank-ass mechanics), which is not a great start.

now that we've established that ante cards are bad because they're effectively banned everywhere, let's assume we're living in some bizarro land where you've managed to convince a handful of friends to play in your personal MTG tournament bracket that allows ante. even then, all but one (don't worry we'll get to that one in a second) of the banned "ante cards" are just. unplayably bad. like absolute dogshit.

ok actually you know what i hadn't looked over all the ante cards in a while before typing up this post and now that i have i think Jeweled Bird is arguably the third or fourth best one out of the lot, and it's STILL unplayably bad in a modern context. it's effectively 1 colorless mana to draw a card, which is theoretically decent in some colors nowadays if you squint but would have actually been notably good back in its heyday. it actually gets pretty close to what WOTC was trying to go for with most of these ante card designs: you get a powerful effect (card draw for 1 colorless mana in an era when even blue had to jump through hoops for a rate that good outside of Ancestral Recall), but at the cost of adding something to the ante, but since the effect is so powerful, you should ideally be able to win the game off of it and completely negate the downside of adding your stuff to the ante.

you know what, fuck it, let's just go through the other ante cards from worst to best:

this card looks absolutely batshit until you get to the last sentence and realize it's effectively 6 mana to force your opponent to ante a card. if you spend 6 mana doing effectively nothing, you are not winning the game or that ante

this one is this low because in 99% of circumstances it's 10 mana over two turns to burn your opponent for 10. however, it takes the edge over Amulet of Quoz because 1. it just bypasses the ante zone entirely to literally steal the card directly, outcome of the game be damned 2. if your opponent has 9 or less life, they have to either let you steal their card or concede on the spot (which means they lose their ante) and 3. if i'm reading this ruling correctly you can set up the 9-or-less-life scenario with a TOKEN COPY of Bronze Tablet and give them a literal bar napkin with a doodle on it in exchange for their judge promo foil Elesh Norn:

so for 6 mana, you can heal yourself back to full at the cost of anteing an additional card. if that was all this card did, it would still be pretty bad, but the icing on this shitcake is that your opponent can just. also do that. but without spending their entire turn to cast a 6 mana spell. so now you're both on equal footing lifewise, but they have their entire turn to gain tempo advantage after you spent your turn healing them. and you gave them another one of your cards once you inevitably lose because of this. i guess theoretically you could run it in a super heavy control deck that aims to win via mill as a safety valve against aggro? idk man

this card effectively does nothing, but doing nothing for 3 mana is still an improvement over "doing nothing for 6 mana", "doing 10 damage for 10 mana over two turns", and "helping your opponent for 6 mana". i guess if you're really confident that your deck can win anyways (perhaps because of another card on this list) you could use this to force your opponent to ante another card for you to win? mostly this one is this high up here because "if the opponent doesn't concede the game immediately" is the funniest possible opening to a MTG card's rules text. like that's always true. you could add that to quite literally every card ever printed and it would change nothing other than making the game way funnier

okay so this is a three mana 1/1 with an ability that costs three MORE mana to activate that effectively just makes your opponent ante a card. i know it looks like it destroys and then literally steals an artifact, which would actually be a pretty good effect since it impacts the board (something none, but the entire thing is countered by anteing a card so that's what's gonna happen every time. at least this one can chump block

okay now we're starting to get into cards that at least make you think a little bit before deciding they suck (Jeweled Bird would go around here)

this scores higher than Timmerian Fiends for several reasons. obviously, a 4 mana 3/3 is a much better rate than a 3 mana 1/1, and the sac ability being free (other than a tap) makes it a lot more usable. the effect is even debateably good in red specifically: either it "draws" (literally legally steals irl) you a card, or it does 10 burn to the opponent's face. however, it does lose points due to the part where you, uh, have to give it away after using it once, win or lose. basically this is like Bronze Tablet but 6 mana cheaper and on a body that can actually theoretically do something. also lol at the "or conceding game" clause like Demonic Attorney, i really want to start seeing that wording on every card ever printed

now this might seem similar to Demonic Attorney at first glance, but the Oracle text makes it make more sense: "You own target card in the ante. Exchange that card with the top card of your library." notably, like Efreet and Tablet, this swap in ownership happens regardless of the outcome of the game, and unlike those two cards, you don't have to trade Darkpact itself for the card you're stealing. stealing your opponent's card out of the ante does mean that now both of the cards in there belong to you, meaning you have twice as much to lose, but hey, you just stole (and got to draw and cast, lol) your opponent's shit. "do what you must, i have already won" type beat

as powerful as Darkpact is, it's still only the second best ante card, and it is not even in the same zip code as the first best. ever heard of a little card named Ancestral Recall? draws 3 cards for one mana? and that's such a busted effect you're only allowed to legally run one copy in the one format it isn't explicitly banned in?

hahahahahahahahahaha holy shit sorry every time i remember this card i cackle at it a bit. what do you MEAN "discard your hand and draw 7 for 1 mana"?? discarding is an UPSIDE these days! people have unironically run One With Nothing, which is this card except for all the words after "discard your current hand". that "add the first drawn to the ante" bit might as well be flavor text because if you manage to lose after casting this then your deck was never even theoretically capable of winning in the first place. jesus christ.

[fangirleaconmigo]

Lambert and the Tribute

Ok. Hear me out. You know how there is the porny/smutty trope of the witcher who saves a family/town from a dangerous beast? And the towns folk are like, well, we don't have (or want to spend) money, so, here is our young sexy innocent but eager son/daughter as a tribute? *cue porn music*

So as usual last night, I was thinking about blorbos and shit instead of sleeping, and was like...how about we turn that trope around a bit? (not that there is anything wrong with it, I just like fiddling with tropes)

I present to you my concept, and I'm using Lambert for this because as I thought of it, I could hear his voice in my head.

...

So, Lambert comes back from the hunt, exhausted, out of breath, bruised, cut up, but triumphant.

He stands in front of the penniless farmer with the gnarly severed head of a beast. He has saved all of their lives. Because of him, life continues.

But the poor farmer is clearly distraught. He is a young man, early twenties, and is like...thank you so much Mr Witcher sir, we are mighty obliged. But sadly, tragically, we have no money. The harvest was lost, and we are hungry as it is.

The poor farmer tries to explain. Sir, I would gladly offer you my sexy and eager but wide eyed and innocent daughter as tribute, but tragically, my kids are too young to be sexy tributes. Mr. Witcher, they simply aren't reproductive age yet.

And the farmer is standing there, just anxious as hell about what the witcher will demand instead, like, will it be his young bride? His beautiful raven haired wife? They're basically newlyweds still and so very much in love. He can't abide the thought! He's racking his brain, is there anyone young and nubile and teen of aged in the next town???

And then he realizes fuck, WORST OF ALL, I hope this fucker doesn't want the law of surprise because that never ends well. Inside, this man is screaming, please do not take my kids in any capacity.

But isn't that what witchers ALWAYS want??? Children to make into MUTANTS????

So this poor (in every sense of the word) guy is stammering and angsting, but Lambert isn't paying any attention to him. He literally has not said a single word to him. He's not even looking at him. He's leaning a little to the right and looking past this guy, over his shoulder.

The farmer starts to get annoyed. Mr. Witcher, he thinks, I'm struggling here, help me out a little.

Lambert drops the nasty monster head with a thunk and turns back to the guy. Lamb is not particularly put out. He knew this family was poor. But still. This doesn't have to be for nothing.

He wipes the bloody sweat off his forehead with his arm and nods behind the man.

"What about him? He game?"

The farmer looks like his brain has just blanked out. He stares in silence. He slowly turns and looks behind him. Then he turns back to Lambert, waiting for him to laugh or to clarify. Lambert just stares at him expectantly.

"Well?" Lambert asks.

The penniless farmer is like.. "You---you want...m-...m-"

The young farmer doesn't wanna say it because that can't be right and he doesn't wanna embarrass himself. But Lambert is not helping him out at all. He's just looking at him like he's an utter dumbass, just waiting for him to get his shit together. "Spit it out, man."

Farmer tries again. "Mr. Witcher, sir. Are you saying that you want...my... FATHER?"

Lambert looks back at the object of his fascination. An older man is working, hauling bales of hay, loading them up in a wagon. And this man is like, mid-fifties, barrel chest covered with gray hair, full beard, inhospitable expression, overalls, dusty boots. He's thick, muscled and hard, he's covered in sweat, he's got calluses, he looks exactly like a man that's been busting his ass in the fields for more than a few decades.

As Lambert stares at the father, his expression starts to look a little hungry. "Is that your pops?"

"Uhhh yes?' The farmer's voice kind of screeches into a higher register.

Lambert shrugs. "Ok, well yea, your pops then. Ask 'im if he's game. Go ahead. I ain't got all day."

The young farmer just swivels, his eyes still in disbelief, still thinking he's going to humiliate himself. He wants the ground to open up and swallow him. He is starting to think maybe his youngest kid would make a good witcher after all. But Lambert is waiting and doesn't look perturbed. He doesn't look like he's kidding.

"Uh, dad?" The farmer is well, well into adulthood but his voice still cracks. But his dad hears.

The big older guy drops his bale and turns around. His eyes are sharp and hard. "Yep?"

The young farmer swallows. "Yes, um, father, the witcher here saved us."

"Obliged." The older man's voice is low, gravely, and he sounds like a man who does not suffer fools.

Lambert nods, an eager twinkle starting to gleam in his eyes. "Glad to help. It's what I do."

The young farmer continues, "And well, you know, we don't have any money to pay him. What with the bad harvest and all."

The dad nods, waiting. He's quiet too, not helping the young farmer out at all. So the younger farmer soldiers ahead. "So, father, he, the witcher that is, was wondering, um, if you would, um, want to be the uh..." he takes a breath and tries to say it fast, "tribute."

The young farmer almost faints from mortification. He's waiting for his dad to laugh at his idiocy. To shout at him. To kick his ass.

But what the Dad does is slowly raise his eyebrows. Then he turns purposefully towards Lambert. He switches his weight a little to one of his hips, and just quietly begins to look Lambert up and and down, assessing him with extreme interest. He is silently just raking his eyes from the top of Lambert's head down to his toes.

Lambert's grin gets wider, like it gleams, because at this point, he knows he's in. If the man is checking whether he is his type, then well, he's good with men. And Lambert just knows he'll be this man's type. Why wouldn't he be for fuck sake?

When the older man's gaze gets to his crotch, Lambert gives his prick a cocky little squeeze and licks his lips.

The older man grunts, and if the young farmer didn't know it was an interested noise, he certainly does when his father gives Lambert a wink. "Name's Abe, young buck."

The young farmer whispers several prayers for the gods to deliver him from this moment.

"Hi Abe," says Lambert, just eager and smug sounding as shit.

Abe takes his gloves off and hands them to his son as he passes him. He only says three words. "Don't wait up."

Lambert chuckles to himself, and there is a little hop in his step as they walk off together, since he is already anticipating the cock in his ass and could not be more overjoyed. Abe slides his hand down Lambert's trousers and squeezes his ass possessively.

The younger farmer just stands there with his jaw dropped. He had no idea whatsoever that his dad has this side to him. That man silently and stoically raised a family of seven children with his dearly departed mother, rest her soul. All his father ever did was work. You think you know a person. Honestly.

Lambert and Abe are long gone, and the son is still standing there in shock, when his beautiful young bride comes out of the house with a toddler on her hip. "Where did father go?"

The young farmer always likes that about his bride, she calls his dad father. "Yes. Heeee, um, went to pay the witcher for his services."

The young bride is surprised, she didn't know that father had money after the poor harvest they'd had, what with the locusts and all that. But oh isn't that a nice surprise, she thinks. "Well how generous of him. What a kind and giving man father is."

The young farmer puts his arm around his beautiful bride and pulls her in tight. "You know what my darling," he says, "it didn't seem like he minded in the least."

---the end

(and if any of you talented writers out there wants to write the sex scene, I would pledge my eternal friendship and love to you)

[maleyanderecafe]

i haven't seen any news here yet but have u seen the newest update for 14 days with you? ren in day 3 got me blushing and shiiiii 🤪 and his new hairstyles? gahdamn 😮‍💨

It's been a long time coming, but I played the update! I actually had to wait since at the time there was a 3.5 update coming out so I just waited until that came out before deciding to play the entire thing. Lots of new and changed things, the artwork is great as always.

Since in my original recommendation I already gave summary on the first day, I'm going to first note some changes for the first day before summarizing the second day.

In the first day, we can now change the length of Haruko's hair, which in turn changes Ren's hair as well. In addition, we get a conversation from our boss Conan who talks about repairing the library. Depending on options, we also meet up with two friends while walking home, Jay and Leon. As I'm aware, these are the major changes that happen in the first day.

During the second day, Ren accompanies Angel out on a date before the two run into Leon and Teo, Angel's ex (or fling). Teo and Ren get very bitter towards each other, showcasing that Teo is kind of a bad ex, still being rather possessive towards Angel while Leon tries to keep everyone's cool. Afterwards, Angel and Ren go eat out in a cafe (with an easter egg that Angel can actually like an goth look that they see a passerby with, a reference to Redacted's look). Angel and Ren decide to go to a store where a girl named Olivia starts flirting with Ren. Ren is clearly uncomfortable, but Angel sees this as a possibility that Ren might be interested in her, due to how they were treated by Teo in the past. As the two end their date, it starts to rain and Ren goes out to get an umbrella. After taking a long time, Angel starts to believe that Ren has ditched them and can choose to leave or stay. Either way, Ren comes back in the nick of time and offers them to either go to their place or Ren's (though in the end the two go to Ren's). Ren's place is very clean and modern, almost as if it was never really used, fitting considering Ren is a programmer. Ren insists on Angel staying (through glitchy text) and they can either decide to stay in their room or have a good time with Ren in his room.

The next day, Ren makes Angel some breakfast (and cute moments) before Angel heads out back to work. It seems that Elanor has some work to do and one of the shelves fell on her thus causing her to leave early (wonder who could have caused that). Elanor's sister, Kiara comes to visit and hang out as well. Teo comes in as well and immediately goes towards Elanor who gets smitten with him. Angel can decide to join in on Teo and Kiara's "date" to make sure nothing happens to her, but not before Conan pulls them aside to make sure they're safe (in general) because of the accident that Elanor had. If they do they end up all going to a bookstore where Angel finds Ren reading behind some shelves, but not before being interrupted by Moth who calls them and chats them up. Leon then also suggests having a double date at an aquarium the next day (this is also the same thing he asks if you decide to not join in on the date and instead go home). They briefly meet Olivia outside their apartment who asks what their relationship with Ren is before leaving. In the end they go home where they can invite someone over, go to their place or call them. With Elanor, Angel will air out their distaste for Teo and warns her to be careful, with Violet, the two discuss the date and Angel's feelings on it, with Conan, they chat a bit about the discussion, with Jae, they chat a bit before talking about the date, Angel talks to Leon about how worried they are about Teo and Elanor, Angel and Teo snidely talk about each other and Moth chat about the date as well, but all of them either send Angel home because of a phone call or the reception gets busted in some way or another. Ren also ends up coming over at the end of all of these, talking about the murder, the place that Angel is living at before watching a movie and possibly having more sexy times. There are also some easter eggs for certain people as well if you are so inclined.

First of all, I will say that the game really maintains the quality of visuals and coding as everything is as clean and as beautiful as when I first played it. Always something nice that's added. I like that you now have the option to change pronouns when you'd like and that you can change the message on your phone and see other character's messages as well. It's a good way to integrate the world inside of the game and it looks good. Each ending where Angel refuses to date Ren has of course Ren booting them back into the main menu and the addition of adding various glitchy effects that stack up as the game goes on depending on choice is a very nice thing as well. It makes me wonder about what consequences it may have in the future. Having to choose Ren's hair length via Haruka's hair length is fun too and changes the cgs as well which is kind of cool to see. There's more hints of Ren's interference, causing the bookshelf to fall on Elanor, causing any phone calls to be abruptly interrupted to to interference and causing any in person meetings to be interrupted by phone calls. One of the things that I didn't particularly like changed was the event that Olivia dies after her first encounter with Ren, while Angel is waiting for him to get the umbrella. It's shown only through the special screen with the character message stating that she's offline in a very eerie way, something that was a great way to show that Ren had done something to her without explicitly saying it. Of course, in this version, Olivia does not die and instead Angel seems her in the apartment. I can see why it was changed as Ren is shown to be more of a lighter yandere, but I really liked the way that it subtly showed Ren dealing with her in a previous version. Another thing that confused me was the call (video call?) that Angel has with Moth at the bookstore. After seeing Moth's sprite I legitimately thought that they were actually at the store for most of the conversation and I only was able to tell it was a call based on the text box itself. I think a better way to display this is if either Moth's sprite was a bit more transparent or it was changed to be placed in a box to indicate that it was call. The last thing is more of a bug, but if you have skipping on and you hold down the skip key while starting the game, you can actually play the entire game without seeing a single sprite, as you didn't answer the intro questions of name, streamer mode, etc. It also resets when you back to the do answer those questions. Probably can be fixed easily by preventing skipping at least until you actually get to the dialogue.

We get more backstory with Angel and their relationships, especially with Teo. We can see why they are a lot more reserved when it comes to their relationship with Ren, given that they were not treated well when it came to Teo and thus has lingering doubts on whether Angel actually loves them or not. It makes the Olivia and Ren interaction and going home early make more sense (though I am kind of surprised that Angel would want to even talk to Teo given that they probably aren't really on good terms. That and he's a jerk). Most of the conversations after the date talk about Teo as a person and how most of them want to believe that Teo is actually getting better as a person, which seems... weird, given that his behavior does not show otherwise. Personally, I think it's really weird that Angel would even approve Elanor and Teo going on dates in the first place, given that Teo seems to be a terrible person and is the kind that cheats very easily, where Elanor is the type that is more romantic. It is addressed after the various dates and you can actually tell Elanor in person, but I think it's very strange everyone wants these two to actually date given how very different their personalities are and Teo being kind of a huge jerk. I suppose its more like the fact that you can't control if they wanted to date, but I would have thought Angel would have warned Elenor about him considering what Angel and Teo's relationship was like.

Overall, I think the game is making good progression on where it is. Right now it's a little slow though, mostly focusing on dating lives and whatnot, but hopefully we can also get to the mysterious murders that are happening soon enough. Ren is still cute as always and it's fun that you can still tease him in his various scenes.

[pvnks0ul]

when i kissed the teacher (18+)

◈ professor!riri w. x fem!reader

sypnosis: When the course of her marriage has run awry, Riri finds herself entertaining your little crush on her.

⚠︎: deluded & kinda obsessed!reader, college student!reader, age gap, cheating, a lil dramatic coz it's in readers pov mostly, older (think late 20s-early 30s) + married!riri, car ess ee ecks, strap on (reader receiving) + oral (RW receiving), no resolve (sry lol), lil plot 4 🌽, sub!reader/Dom!riri, smut under the cut + ! amateur writing ! (Your only warning)

"Mhmm..fuck–!" Riri mewls as her hand shoves your head deeper into her cunt, your tongue pacing the most intimate part of her before licking a stripe up to her clit, kneading it just how she taught you, "Y-yeah, just like that."

Riri knew no argument would justify her continuous crimes of adultery but with you being just around the corner conveniently after each one made it easy to cough up excuses. She was very aware of the crush you had on her, so she always made sure to smile in your very general direction, calling on you first if your hand was raised because she liked the way you'd bashfully take on th challenge, even if you weren't completely sure of it.

It's not like you were a saint either. Infact, some would say you were even worse. Especially after you were caught spitefully facing the wedding picture of her and Raven, the wife, down in the early mornings if you arrived to class before her. She tried to talk to you about how disrespectful it was, but you didnt seem to care as she didnt even notice till you said something about her ring.

That landed you your first referal from her, alone. You liked riri, but were still highly upset! You just wanted her to focus in class with no distractions. You weren't actually trying to be disrespectful. Riri senses this from across the room. She watches you solemnly after you'd rolled your eyes at her. And that was just unacceptable, she had to make sure you knew that which is why she makes sure the door is locked, checking the empty hallways and unpinning the little piece of fabric that covers the window in the door before pulling out a chair next to your desk.

You'd been acting out of character alot lately and she just wanted to check in. She cared a little too much & got a little too close. The supportive hand on your knee, turned into you laying your head on her shoulder, and ended with her blouse sleeves rolled up to her elbows as she worked her way knuckle deep between your sticky thighs, lowly whispering praises as you spread yourself to accept more of her from under the desk.

When it's over, your looking at her with nothing but pure unfiltered adoration and it's bad for Riri. It's terrible for her because she doesn't feel like she just did the worst thing possible by betraying her wife instead, she was thinking about when the next time she'd be able to have you again.

Mewling around her mound, you find yourself desperate for her approval. Your brown orbs glancing up for her usual nod of approval only to find her head is thrown back against the seat of her car. Thats how you know she really needed this and you cant blame her. Spending all day in a stuffy classroom only to come home to a nagging incompetent wife just couldnt be a desirable life for anyone, you tear up sometimes just thinking about how hard it must be for Riri.

"C'mon baby." she grunts, her eyes finally gracing you, her lids were low but still, it was enough to motivate you. You groan into her at the petname, circling her clit before sucking it into your mouth and she ruts against you desperately. Your only purpose was to make her bust in your mouth again.

It takes just a few more seconds of you lapping over her pussy to have her quivering thighs clenching around your head. And you love it, the lack of air encouraging you to continue, if anything. Riri grinds her hips against your face, a hint of a whine slips past her lips as she rides her high out on you. You keep going, trying to lick her dry, suckling right from her creamy hole, Riri sucks her bottom lip under her teeth at the sight and she wants you to keep going but once she reaches the end of it she's pulling your head away by your ponytail, not wanting to overstimulate herself. You whine at this, but settle for laying your head on her quaky leg until she comes down.

"C'mere." Riri demands in a hush tone. You use her sticky thighs as support to lift yourself up, sliding right into her lap, your thighs being separated by her bare one and she grips your chin, forcing you impossibly closer into her bubble. Her dark brown almost black orbs hypnotic and locking you in their lustfilled haze as they dropped to your wet lips before back up to your blown out eyes.

You're so beautiful and she cant tell you that because she knows how you get. It was an aggravating cycle. She'll give you a compliment and then you'll bombard her with a good 50 or so questions concerning reasons why she won't choose you than.

And every single time it always ends up with you sulking back into the passenger seat, not wanting to finish anything you started as fat tears cascaded down your cheeks, asking her to drop you off or notably ditching her class the next day.

So she admires you in secret while her thumb swipes away at the slick of your full bottom lip. She brings it to her own mouth, sucking her juices off her finger in one swift motion. You gape at the vulgar display infront of you.

She brings her face closer and a gasp slips past your lips, now brushing lightly against the other, "You're gonna get in trouble.." You speak, referring to your lipstick stained lips, developing a perfect pout and Riri has no choice but to give in. She rolls her eyes before tilting her head and leaning forward, "..If that happens I'll handle it." she corrects you, finally connecting your mouths in a dreamy kiss, you push your chest into hers with a moan, kissing back with just as much intensity and her rough hands drop to fiddle with the ends of your skirt, pushing the fabric up your plush hips.

She smirks against you when she finds that you dont have any panties on, she lays her hand dormant on your mound excluding her thumb as she uses it to dip between your warm folds, cooing proudly to find it absolutely sopping. You press your chests together her with a whimper, "m-more, Riri!"

She complies, "Course..", her fingers playing with the tip of your puffy clit, your hips twitching into them, "What is it? Can't handle me no more?" she mumbles. You shake your head no, you were just so sensitive because of how busy and negligent– she’d been this week when you were becoming accustomed to getting her every night. It felt like you would cum right now if she'd asked for it.

Riri smirks at the sour expression on your face, "All you want is for someone to rub on your pretty little clit, huh?" her cool breath fans your burning cheeks as you shamelessly follow each roll of her thumb across the bud,

You nod your head at whatever she just said and she knows that look on your face, you’re close... but already?

Just when you're on the brink of a climax, you grab at her wrist and yank it away from your heat, your thighs closing with a quickness. Riri cuts her eyes at you, curious to what you're doing. You wanted to finish with her inside but if you so much as let her get a few more strokes in, it'd be too late because you don’t think you have energy to go again.

You pant against her dress shirt as she holds you up with her hands around your back, "Do you have it with you?"

And Riri catches onto what you mean, she settles you with one hand while reaching in the small black tote bag in the backseat with wet fingers.

"When I'm coming to see you..." . She returns with the harness–attached dildo and you can feel your hole clench around nothing at just the thought of being full again. "Always." she speaks in that raspy tone.

"Up." Riri taps your side, signalling you to move so she can slide it pass her thighs and you happily abide.

She guides you over it once its secured, using your slick as lubricant for her dark brown piece she lines it up with your hole and settles it half way in.

Your eyes are already closing shut as the curved girthed allowed it to touch both sides of your walls, "Nmph-! Fuck!", Your hips twitch, not sure if you can handle all of it, worried she's too big. How'd you ever get it all in before?!

Riri disagrees, gripping the globes of your ass, spreading them as she pushed her pelvic up into you, opening you to fit her like a glove with each thrust earning her high pitched shudders against her ear as you held her dress shirt between closed fists, "S'too much.."

She scoffs at this, "You wanna be good for me, right?" She whispered lowly, rubbing at the smooth skin of your hips.

"Y-yeah, for y-you–!" You groan while holding her face in your hands, admiring all the little details you could see from up here and Riris chest burns at your words, more specifically the last bit. You never failed to keep her wrapped around your fingers when you always said shit like that.

Riri kisses your palm before bottoming out with a final push in. Your spine feels like it'll break from how fast you arched it on impact, your wet clit pressing into the bottom of her white shirt and waist band of her boxers and you're already shaking against her.

Riri holds the ends of the back of your thighs, trying to be patient and wait for you to calm down but you whimpering in the crease of her neck was not helping, she swallows thickly, thinking of ways to try and prevent herself from slamming you down on her dick, "...lemme know when."

It takes a good minute for the pain to subside, for you to feel the familiar inkling of heat in the pit of your belly, waiting to blaze so, you swirl your hips a bit, the tip scraping the bottom of your cervix with each one and you desperately need more.

"Oh fuck!" you use Riris shoulders to lift yourself a few inches before plunging, your sap drenching her legs and creating a noticeable puddle on the fabric under the strap from how long you were warming her.

The girth of her faux brushing your walls almost teasingly from how horrible you were at fucking yourself, but with the way your thighs were starting to burn so easily, you wouldn’t be able to do finish on your own. You just needed a little bit of help.

"Please.." You whined into her, buzzing with ecstasy, messy thighs pathetically quivering as you opened yourself for her viewing pleasure, "I– just want you to fuck me, Riri.." she doesnt hear whatever else you managed to slur, too busy eying your pussy in awe of your pink slit just barely swallowing all 8 inches down to the base.

She quiets you with a sweeter more innocent kiss while pressing the button on the side to recline her seat, letting you rest while she takes care of it.

Riri grabs you by your waist, your head tucked as your shuddered breaths pricked the skin of her neck, steadily she ascends your lower half before bringing you back down with a wet slush, repeating her steps over again. Each gasp gets stuck in your throat as her dick stretches you out and stirs all the creaminess inside, making goosebumps rise on your skin with every thrust.

You whine louder, acrylics breaking through the sleek material of her shirt, nipping her skin as you felt the fire in your belly turn inflammatory, she was fucking you so good and you didnt want her to stop but the clenching was inevitable, halting her strokes in their place with each one.

Riri reluctantly slows to a stop, she could feel your ass jiggling but now she wanted to see it all for herself. Your eyes dart open immediately after, and you're frowning down at her because you were so close.

"Turn around, I wanna see sum."

Riri holds your thighs and the base of the strap so she can pull out smoothly. They slide up to your waist when you sat down with your back to her chest and you could feel her pebbled nipples against your skin.

She bites down harshly on her bottom lip as she enters you again, your crying and panting as she sunk deeper but she knew you'd get off better this way.

"Yeah, i know..." she coos sincerely trying to soothe your nerves, "...but you gotta take all of it f'me." she holds you down with her free hand as she effortlessly grazed that soft spot once again, grinding into you at an unsteady rhythm.

Riri pushes your back in and your back forms a perfectly sharp arch, she grabs handfulls of the flesh in one hand before smacking down on the other. The pained yelp you let out contrasted drastically to the gush of juices you leaked over her dick and already messy boxers. She does it again, switching sides and kneading the sore skin of the one that got spanked then spreading to see the aftermath.

Riri groans at the sight of clear strings creating ill shaped webs dripping at both holes. Boldly, she releases your ass and presses her thumb into the crease, going all the way down, lubricating the pad before pressing into your button. You whimper at her curious prodding & rubbing but never once did you tell her to stop.

Your head lowers in shame from how much you were enjoying this as you gave her a better angle to fuck you from, just shutting your eyes as you let her have her way with you.

Riri bounces you on her lap a few times, the sound of your pussy turning her on even more, "You're real dirty, baby." She mocks while removing her thumb, drawing her arms around your waist and forcefully bringing you back to her chest, her faux shifting inside of you.

She moves down your mound, brushing over the tip of your clit before thrumming harder, playing with the silky bud. You squeak & squirm, reaching down to try and stop her but all she does is thrust her hips up in response.

Everything was starting to move too fast for you as she swirled all 4 of her fingers over your sensitive nub, her hips working into you at the same time and all you could do was pathetically wait for it to come crashing down.

"God—ah! 'gonna make me cum!" you wail pitifully and it really is pathetic how quick it was but you truly couldnt help it.

"Uh-huh..." She hums, her grip becoming harsh as she pulls on you with so much vigor your ass starts to clap against her bare thighs. Riri bites her bottom lip as she fucks you harder, your pussy squelching endlessly just for her, "Go 'head then baby, dont make me wait for it." You nearly go cross-eyed at her accent, sloppily grinding your clit into her gungy palm for more stimulation as she brings you over the edge with a final roll of her hips.

Your whole body spasms as you cry out her name, Riri watches in amazement, her hands gripping on your hips and leaving deep dents in their wake as you whine and pant and tremble ontop of her.

"Breathe, mama." she encouraged before she kissed behind your ear. Riri continues to pump you sloppily, helping you through the overstimulation since your thighs were still trembling and you weren't forming coherent sentences. Just biting down on your already swollen lips as a desperate attempt to hide the taboo eruption, clinging onto her for dear life and Riris buzzing under you. She wants to fuck you again. Have your short acrylics scratching up her back, neck and thighs but she knows it’s not a good idea. Especially since you’d definitely miss your curfew for the umpteenth time.

She's gauging your every move before she takes a chance and leans in, grazing her teeth at the bottom of your neck to prep for the fresh row of hickies even when she knows she shouldn’t be leaving evidence muttering, “You did so good f’me.” After each one and she prays it distracts you enough for her to effectively slide her wet piece out.

was kinda scared to post this one butttt, imma thug it out for my riri girlies ‹𝟹🥲

🔖: @sapphicbarbz @shurislover @s0lam33y (special thanks to @lppriceisright for proof-reading some of this for me!!)

[tommysversion]

Pre Game ( DBF / BFD Joel Miller x Reader )

Summary: Joel is your dad’s best friend, and your friend’s dad to boot. Wanting him is a bad idea, but it’s not like he feels the same… right?

CWs: age gap / references to cheating / semi protected sex / threats of spanking / language / dirty talk

Tag List: @joelsgirl @pr0ximamidnight @dreamingofdaddydin @funnygirlthatgab @schizoel @bearsbeetsbeskar @loquaciousferret @pedritosdarling @chaotic-mystery

(I’m sure I’ve missed someone I’m sorry 😂)

Notes: finally, that DBF fic.

Buy Me A Coffee?

You’re really starting to feel bad about how much you’re paying attention to him. Maybe it wouldn’t be so guilt inducing if it was a new thing, something you could brush off as fleeting interest, but the fact of the matter is you’ve had your eye on him for literally the better part of two years now.

You’ve always noticed him; how can you not? He’s your dad’s best friend. They work together, then every other week he’s at your house to watch the game. Before, you were aware of him.

But ever since you moved back home after your college relationship went bust? You can’t take your eyes off him. What’s worse is you’re relatively close friends with his own daughter, Sarah.

You’re a couple years older than her, but close enough in age that you get along well. Well enough that you’d hang out together, text each other over the years, trust each other with secrets and girls nights and the bullshit that comes with being a young woman in this day and age. Wanting her dad just feels like a betrayal, but you can’t help it.

Besides, it’s not like he wants you back. Right?

Your dad won’t be home for several hours yet; he got called out to an urgent maintenance job, something about a blown circuit board causing a whole block to have spotty power. Considering there’s some important game on today, it’s not ideal.

You guess he must be too busy to have had time to message Joel to let him know, or more likely, forgot. Not that it matters - there have been a couple times when he’s shown up early.

It’s almost embarrassing that you know the sound of Joel’s truck as it pulls up outside the house. Even more embarrassing the way your heart starts racing as you get up off the couch to let him in. You open the door just as he goes to knock on it, leaving him standing there with his hand half raised, lazy half smile on his face.

“Chief not in?” His nickname for your dad has always amused you, the sarcastic banter born from the year your dad was his boss. It was weird for them to go from equals, two blue collar single dads, to your dad bossing him round.

That worksite didn’t last too long, and they were back to their regular buddy shenanigans before long.

“Nah, some emergency power restoration. He should be back before the game starts.”

You step to the side to let him in; no point leaving him outside, or him driving across town to get home only to come back.

Joel smirks.

“Should’ve done what I did.” He pulls his phone from the pocket of his jeans, where the do not disturb sign is showing on his lock screen.

“He works too hard.” You agree, heading back through the living room, trusting Joel to close the front door behind him.

You’ve been alone with him before, just a few times, but not since you moved back home. He looks a little different. Older. He’s got silver streaks mingled in with dark curls, a little softer round the middle. But it doesn’t take away from his looks. If anything, it enhances them.

“Always has. Now what about you, huh? Last I heard you were finishing your fancy degree, had shit all planned out.”

You shrug. Your dad had never gone to college; had busted his ass your entire life so that you could. You’d enjoyed your studies, had had some good friendships and relationships there.

Then your college boyfriend with his stupid law degree had cheated on you with the secretary his new firm had hired. You hadn’t been remotely interested in trying to ‘fix things’, instead throwing your mostly unpacked shit into boxes and hauling ass back home.

You had your degrees, you could find work at home. Never mind your wounded pride and inability to trust men your age ever again.

“Sometimes stuff doesn’t go according to plan.” You say finally. “I’m getting a drink. Want anything?”

Joel doesn’t answer you, just follows you into the kitchen. You’re barely aware he’s there until you feel the heat of his body behind yours as he leans over you into the open refrigerator, snags a beer while you’re still deciding.

A jolt of electricity runs through your body at the slight contact, immediately followed by guilt. Never mind that he’s your dad’s best friend, he’s your own friend’s dad.

How could you ever face Sarah if you acted on your want for him?

You grab a premixed vodka drink, pop the cap off and toss it into the bowl on the bench, taking a sip.

The drinks aren’t your choice; your dad buys them on occasion, because as he likes to remind you, there’s no such thing as a ‘girly drink’. It’s funny, but being raised that way gave you the confidence not to give a shit about ordering a beer in a bar, the same way you’ll never be apologetic about drinking a pastel pink vodka premix that tastes like guava and sugar.

Turning, you find Joel leaning against the other bench. Watching you.

“Make yourself at home.”

It comes out far more sarcastic than you intended; immediately, you feel bad. It’s not his fault you’re trying to cope with a raging crush on him. Not his fault that he’s stupidly handsome even in jeans and a button down shirt.

Honestly you doubt he even knows how attractive he is. Somehow that makes it worse.

“Got a mouth on you today, don’t you?” Joel says almost breezily, clearly unbothered by your attitude. “You always this bratty, or is that something you learned at college?”

You can feel your cheeks heating at the implication.

“No college boy could teach me that.”

The words are out before you can stop them. Your slight blush becomes full fledged heat when you realise what you’ve said, how easily you flirt with him.

“Guess not.” Joel takes a long sip of his beer, watches you for a second, as though trying to assess something in his head.

“Guarantee no boy is gonna give you what you deserve, anyway.”

Even though you’ve just taken a drink, your mouth becomes impossibly dry.

“What I deserve?” You put the bottle down before you drop the damn thing.

Joel’s expression doesn’t change as he drains his beer, sets the empty bottle on the bench behind him.

“See, if you were mine, I’d put you over my knee and slap your ass raw for being such a brat.” He says it so damn casually, like he’s talking about the weather.

You open your mouth to speak, then close it again. Then open it.

“What’s stopping you?”

Now, his expression does change. A smirk crossing his features. You half expect him to say something about his age, about your dad being his buddy, or about you being his daughter’s friend.

It’s none of the above.

“You’d enjoy it too much.” He crosses the small space between you, thumb tracing the outline of your mouth. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you looking.”

Your lips part, sucking the tip of his thumb into your mouth, eyes wide and staring into his own dark gaze. Something flickers there, maybe what remains of his willpower being snuffed out.

He lets you suck on his thumb for a moment before he pulls it out of your mouth, fingers closing on your chin and forcing you to look at him.

Your tongue darts out and licks your lower lip, unable to take your eyes off him, off the blatant lust in his gaze. You’re almost afraid that if you look away, it’ll break the spell, that he’ll come to his senses, or that you will.

You don’t want to.

“Eager little thing, aren’t you?” He sounds so amused, but not in an unkind way.

“I bet the thought of me bending you over and spanking you has you soaked.”

For a moment, you consider denying it. The small part of you that’s still sensible says you should. But you can’t. You just can’t.

“Why don’t you find out?” You suggest, wishing you were wearing something a bit more attractive than shorts and a shirt. At least your underwear matches.

For a moment you think he might refuse; are afraid he will refuse. That fear passes the moment his free hand slides down into your shorts, thumb brushing against your clit almost lazily.

You have to fight not to lean into his touch. Fight and fail miserably as that big, rough hand cups you, fingers caressing across sensitive skin.

“Knew it.”

Joel has no right to be this damn smug, and yet he is anyway, beyond amused at how wet you are, just from his words.

You half glare at him, mostly because you’re irritated by how right he is, but also because it frustrates you just how much you need him.

“Don’t start being a brat again…” he warns you. “Keep being good for me and I’ll reward you…”

You can’t help but melt just a little at those words, wondering what he could possibly mean. Well. You have a few ideas, but still, you think his ideas are probably going to be better.

“How?”

He just stares at you, makes eye contact as he slides two thick fingers inside you, silently answering your question and challenge.

Your knees almost buckle, but you force yourself to keep standing, reaching behind you to hold onto the bench top to steady yourself.

You’ve spent a considerable amount of time thinking about this; about his fingers inside you. About more than just his fingers. But hell if this isn’t a good start. If this is all you get, you’ll be satisfied. Needy and wishing for more, yes, but you wouldn’t push it.

Luckily for you, he’s just as needy, pushing those fingers deep into you, curling them, watching the way your eyes drop closed. Like he hasn’t thought about this a great deal, when in reality it’s all he thinks about.

“See? Told you if you were good for me, it’d pay off…”

You smirk at him, wanting to be a smartass and tell him he never said that, but you need him too much to risk it. He’s trained you well, without even trying.

“If I’m even better, will you give me more?”

Your eyes drop to the visible bulge in his jeans, leaving absolutely no room to question what you mean. The sound he makes is somewhere between a growl and a groan, understanding what you want and more than willing to give it to you.

“‘M not gonna fuck you in the kitchen, baby.”

The amount of restraint it takes for him to say that is clear in his expression. Honestly, he’d love nothing more than to yank those tiny shorts down, hoist you up onto the bench and fuck you senseless, but the kitchen isn’t the right place.

He has enough restraint to want to do this properly, enough respect for you to be hesitant, even though it’s difficult.

Quite frankly you wouldn’t have cared if he’d bent you over the closest surface, but it’s the little want to be a gentleman that gets you. Even if he does still have his fingers buried knuckle deep inside you.

“What about if I ask nicely?” You look at him through half closed eyes, expression innocent.

“Still not gonna happen in the kitchen.”

You smirk; that’s fair enough. Luckily there are far more available rooms you can utilise, and you both know it. Still, it’s with a definite sense of reluctance that he removes his fingers from you, brings them to his mouth and sucks them clean, leaving you once again weak in the knees.

“Joel…”

He loves the way his name sounds in your mouth, knows it’ll sound even better when you’re screaming it.

“Cmon, baby, gonna show me somewhere we can go that’s a bit more private?”

You try not to look too eager as you grab his hand, drag him out of the kitchen down the hallway to the guest room that’s now yours. Your old room upstairs was boxed up years ago, and your dad has since turned it into a gaming room for his war game miniatures and old books.

Easier for you to take the guest room, make it your own space. That and it would have felt weird, taking Joel into your childhood room.

Kicking the door shut behind you, you turn, expecting… you’re not sure what, but Joel pushes you up against the door almost right away, leaning down to you, his body hot against yours.

You have plenty of time before you have to worry about being interrupted, but still, there’s a sense of urgency in the way you pull him down to you, crush your mouth to his.

In the moment you don’t care that it’s wrong, that he’s so much older than you. All that matters is him, and getting him as close to you as possible, because god knows you’ve waited long enough for this.

He moves his arms away from you just long enough to yank your shorts down, pull your shirt over your head, toss them both aside carelessly. You let him before you push him back, until the back of his legs hit your bed.

Joel lets you, lets you push him back and straddle his lap, leaning down to kiss him as you shed your lace bra, leaving you bare to his gaze as you grind yourself against the significant bulge in his jeans.

“Fuck, baby, you gonna take charge all the time?”

It’s clear from his tone that he doesn’t care, not in the damn slightest, as your hands find his belt, work the zip of his jeans down.

You don’t answer him, just kiss him again, hard and desperate as your hand wraps around his cock, frees him from his pants and strokes him eagerly.

The sound he makes is goddamn sinful as you drag your soaked core along his length, coating him with your wetness. You want to take your time, but you know your dad could be back any minute, and you’re too needy and desperate to take your time.

Luckily, he seems to feel the same way.

“You gonna ride this cock, baby? Gonna take it like a good girl?”

That’s absolutely your intention; you lift yourself up, position yourself over the tip of him, then slide down onto his length, every inch of him sinking into you slowly.

His hands settle on your hips, guiding you down, keeping you there for a moment, fingers tightening on your waist.

“Fuck, you feel so good…” he breathes it out slowly, watches you toss your hair over your shoulder, smirk down at him as you start to move, drawing another delicious groan from his lips.

You don’t answer, focus entirely on riding him, lifting yourself up and dropping back down, one hand rubbing at your clit as you move.

“Such a pretty girl, so fuckin’ good for me…”

You whimper, and maybe that’s what finally snaps him, because his hands tighten on your waist and he starts to move, no longer letting you do all the work, hips snapping up against yours, hard and fast, precisely how you’ve always imagined he would fuck you.

“Dirty little thing aren’t you? All this time you’ve been wanting me…” he almost growls it, breath hitched as he ruts up into you, pupils blown wide with lust as he watches you.

“Joel…”

You’re so close you can feel it, every nerve in your body alight as you tighten around him.

“Go on, sweetheart. Cum on my cock, I know you want to. Can feel this tight little pussy, so needy for me…”

It’s his filthy words, the feeling of him inside you, your hand on your clit, the combination of all of it, that sends you over, has you shaking on top of him, held up by his big strong hands as you find your release.

He can see the scar on your arm where your implant was put in, sees you looking and the way you bite your lip, and that’s enough for him, bucking up into you until he can’t hold out any longer, cursing and moaning as he fills you, you grinding down against him the entire damn time.

“Fuck…” he groans it as you lean down to kiss his cheek.

“Worth the wait.” You tease as you climb off of him with shaking legs, pick up your clothes and start re dressing yourself.

“Absolutely.” He zips up his jeans, sits up lazily, watches you pull those ridiculously tiny shorts back on.

You grin, feeling his eyes on you.

“Come on. Let’s go have another drink and pretend to be completely innocent before my dad gets back.”

Joel groans. You’re going to be the absolute death of him.

[familyvideostevie]

hit me with the sunshine!james and grumpy!reader fluff, loser :)

-cece

how delicious! so good i'll ignore the name calling <3 all for you, @theemporium :) i've never done this trope before so hopefully this works!!! | fluff, fem!reader, grumpy!reader x sunshine!james, 1k

"If you keep frowning like that your face is going to stick," James says lightly. He startles you a bit, but you don't let it show. He knows you well enough to tell, anyway. He slides his hand over your lower back as you continue to stare, arms crossed, at the book in your hand.

"Ha, ha," you say, toneless. "James, it's no use." Your lower lip has a small indent in it like you've been chewing on it. He wonders if you'll let him kiss you in the store.

"What's no use, darling? Catch me up, I'm slow." Sometimes, if you're in the mood, you'll bump your hip with his when he teases like that. But you don't move, don't even lean into the hand on your back.

"I think today is going to be a bust." It's shopping day -- different from errand day, you both wander around local shops and buy things you don't technically need. Birthday presents, new clothes, books. It tires you out immensely and James knows that tonight you'll fall asleep in his lap with a movie in the background.

"Why's that?" he asks. You won't ask him to go home early, even if you're not enjoying yourself, since you know he's got things to buy. You won't even sulk -- that's not your style. He'll just be able to feel it radiate off of you, and while he adores your slightly sour disposition, he never wants you to actually be upset. Dissatisfied with the state of the world? Sure, who isn't. Annoyed at slow walkers? Again, join the club. He loves you when you're frosty, he loves you when you're grumpy, he loves you when you're soft in his arms when you wake up every morning. It doesn't matter. He loves it all.

"I--," you start. You set the book back down on the table perhaps a bit too forcefully, as you wince at the noise it makes. "I'm just annoyed they don't have the edition I wanted. When I called last week they said they did." You take a deep breath. "And I'm frustrated that I've dragged you here when it's on the other side of town as the stationary shop we need to go to for Remus and all the other places we need to visit." You sigh again, frown deepening. Time for him to make his move.

He's mastered this by now. James knows that you'll let him underneath your exterior no matter what, half because he's so damn charming and half because you want him to see you, to make you smile. And, if he's honest, he's got no idea why you let him. But from the moment you met it was clear that he was the perfect companion to your mood.

"I'll buy you another book. Two other books. No, three!" You turn towards him and his hand slides to the flesh of your hip, squeeing once, gently. "Well, any more than three and you definetly have to carry some."

You aren't convinced. "James, that's not the point --"

"Well, who needs books, anyway?" He hooks two long fingers through your belt loop and tugs gently. You allow it, falling into his chest and catching the lapels of his jacket, frown still in place. But he can see he's getting there -- your eyebrows are quirked in interest and your shoulders are already looser. He taps the tip of your chin with a knuckle before cupping your cheek. "I could just ravish you in the stacks of this shop, instead. No purchase required."

"James," you scold. Your grip on his jacket tightens and he can tell you're fighting a smile. "I will not be kicked out for public indecency. Who even says ravish, anyway? Who are you, a historical romance hero?"

He nods very seriously. "That's my day job, obviously. How did you not know? You really should pay more attention to me." That earns him an eye roll and tug at the corner of your mouth .

"Poor you," you drone. "Most neglected boyfriend on the planet."

He drags his thumb across your skin, watching it pull. Your nostrils flare. "No," he says. "No, I don't think so. You couldn't neglect me if you tried." He moves his face closer, so close that your noses brush. Your eyelashes flutter and your eyes close.

"Only because you're so bloody loud," you say, softly. "It's very hard to ignore you." He scoffs.

"Careful," he says. "Or I might think you're flirting with me." He drags it out even more, brushing his lips over yours without properly kissing you.

"Now that would be a real blow to my reputa--" you say, but he ends his own game and presses his lips to yours. You gasp and he swallows it, right there in the fiction section of the bookshop. James doesn't let it go on too long, lest you actually get kicked out, which would be a shame since he knows you do like this place normally. So after a few mostly decent-for-public kisses, he pulls away. Your hands loosen their grip on his jacket and he releases your face.

"Shall we go, then?" he asks, finding his voice a little rough. He loves the effect you have on him. You nod, frustration seemingly gone for now.

"I hate when you do that," you grumble, linking your fingers together. He squeezes your hand. "Cheer me up so easily."

"No, you don't," he says, beaming at you. You reach up and flick a loose curl back into place.

"No, I don't," you say, suppressing a smile. "I still don't have my book, though." Well, at least you no longer look put out about it.

"Then we'll go to every shop in the city, silly girl," James says, tugging you toward the exit. "We've got all day."

thank you for reading <3 reblog, send feedback, masterlist here!

[seramilla]

verusika surprising odette by making breakfast in bed

Odette is sick. Really sick. She's not even certain how one can get this sick in Hell. She hasn't been this down-and-out since she caught the bubonic plague as a child. Clara had caught it at the same time, which had been a rough 3 weeks for Carmilla. But this is somehow worse. Maybe a new mortal soul brought a previously undescribed Hell-virus with them when they died. Either way, she wishes she were double dead. It would be better than dealing with this misery. It's impossible to breathe through her nostrils.

Verosika seems completely unfazed. She doesn't normally get sick. Not the way other Hellborn do. Something about succubi/incubi and always visiting Earth and having stronger immune systems against whatever the Sinners catch, or something like that. She'd tried to explain it to her, but honestly, Odette had just wanted her to bring her the humidifier. She'd been delirious and hadn't really been paying attention at the time.

She's going on a week straight of staying in bed, in the dark, stewing in her own snot and phlegm when suddenly, Verosika and her unusually cheerful morning voice (the succubus normally sleeps until noon most days, what the fuck is she doing up so early???) chirps outside the room. She busts open the bedroom door, two plates in hand, piled high with sugary dough and syrup and way too much carbon for something that was supposed to be made on the stove.

"Mornin', babydoll!" Verosika trills, making Odette bury her head under her pillow in agony. She groans. Her sinuses are so stopped up, even her ears are muffled at the sound of her girlfriend's voice. It has nothing to do with the mound of pillows.

"Verosika, not now," Odette groans, barely audible under the barrier of fluffy down and silk cloth. Verosika smacks Odette's butt playfully from where it's sticking out under the covers. She whistles one of her most well-known love ballads under her breath, as she places a hefty plate on Odette's nightstand.

"Is that any way to talk to your wonderful girlfriend when she went out of her way to make you breakfast?" Verosika asks, voice reaching a lower register, like the fact that Odette is ignoring her is physically painful.

Verosika puts the back of her hand to her forehead dramatically. "I slaved away in the kitchen for an hour trying to make these. The least you can do is show me that pretty face."

Odette grunts. Her glasses are on the nightstand, behind the tray laden with...something resembling pancakes. She reaches over the plate of food, and once her lenses are in front of her eyes, balks at what she sees.

"What...what are those?" Odette asks, face screwed up in confusion.

"Those are pancakes, bitch!" Verosika says in triumph, rubbing the top of Odette's head where it isn't still covered by her blanket. Odette isn't offended by Verosika's flim-flammy overuse of the word bitch. It's a term of endearment, at this point. "I followed a Sinstagram recipe to make them in the air fryer. It only took 10 minutes!"

"I thought you said it took over an hour?" Odette asks, picking up her fork, and poking the overly charred edges of the dough in front of her.

"This is the fifth batch," Verosika states, as if this should be obvious. "Once I got the instructions right, it was much smoother sailing!"

"Why didn't you just make them on the stove...like a normal person?" Odette asks, completely flummoxed at her girlfriend's choice to not use the perfectly serviceable appliances in Carmilla's elaborate kitchen. One that would make any chef worth their salt drool at the mouth.

Instead, her girlfriend had used the cheap air fryer she'd seen on social media. Because she has to follow the latest trends. Velvette is the absolute worst influence on the popstar.

"Like fuck I'm going to dirty all those dishes. This worked out just fine. Dig in, babydoll!"

Odette shoots the plate another questioning glance. The pancakes are a bit more...burned than she'd normally like on the edges. Maybe too undercooked in the middle. But she lives in Hell, for fuck's sake. She probably breathes in more carbon and sulfur on a daily basis than is currently present on that plate alone.

She tentatively lifts the fork. Uses it to cut through three layers of sugary, crispy dough. There is so much syrup, it almost breaches the edge of the plate as she's cutting. She lifts the mixture to her face, not noting anything else too egregious as she takes a bite. Closes her eyes as she chews.

It's...fine. There is way too much syrup. She prefers the crispiness of the outsides to the gooeyness of the insides. But she can't smell anything anyway, so her taste buds are a bit numbed to the effect of her breakfast. She's had worse service placing a breakfast order at Wackdonald's. She swallows another big bite, and goes in for a third. Honestly, the more bites she takes, the easier it is to think...it isn't too bad. Sweet, even.

Verosika, likewise, is beaming at her girlfriend eating what she's made. Verosika wraps one arm loosely around Odette's neck, and rubs her cheeks against her girlfriend's affectionately, kissing the bridge of her nose.

"I did okay?" Odette asks, eagerly waiting for Odette's approval.

Odette smiles, and takes another bite for good measure. "Yeah, sweetie. You did good."

"Fuck yeah!" Verosika shouts, pumping her fist dramatically, before settling in next to Odette on the bed to eat her portion of the diabetes on a plate.

Odette giggles, despite herself. She's not sure what she did to deserve a partner like Verosika, but as she finishes off her perfectly adequate, nothing-to-write-home-about-but-still-very-sweet stack of pancakes, she considers herself the happiest woman in Hell.

If someone like Verosika makes you breakfast in bed, you better sure as fuck count your blessings!

[pixeechix21]

It's been so long

Summary: Keegan is ur brother’s best friend; returned from deployment. u’ve broken up with ur ex and u haven’t been able to come in so long, late at night forbidden feelings arise and it can’t be helped that u act upon ur longed desires.

TW: smut, sex, very minor vulgarity, praise (kinda), forbidden, teasing, creampi

note: i'm sorry about the writing the original sucked I wrote another, then tumblr wasn't working so now I got this. I gave up lmao

Plz leave comments about what u want more of, opinions n wt ever are welcomed 🥰🙈🥳

It’d been weeks- months, since someone made u come, it's been itching at u for so long that even trying to use ur fingers or don't work. Frustrated, u huff out and go to the kitchen searching for any pie left over. It looks like he has already beat you to it. Eating a full plate of pie and whipped cream, u clear ur throat. “Didn’t expect company, u want some?” Keegan offers. u come up to the island n hop on the counter. “Yes please,” u thought he’d get u a new plate but instead he ladles a fork and moves it in ur direction, “Open ur mouth then, I don’t have cooties,” he joked. you open your mouth obediently and pull away. He stares at your lips as you do this and he can’t help but imagine it being his dick. The blood rushes to his cock at the mere idea, he tries to make it less obvious in his gray sweats. A small amount of whipped cream remains on the side of ur mouth, his hand absentmindedly goes to wipe it away. Looking into his eyes u take his finger into your mouth and suck it clean, u can hear him as he inhales eyes widening before they darken. “We really shouldn’t, '' he whispers.

 “Please, it's been so long,” u beg, running your hands up his body. His eyes follow a path down from ur eyes to ur lips. He bites him down trying to keep himself from doing something he’d never be able to get back from. “I want to y/n, but he’d never forgive us,” he whimpered as u kiss him lightly massaging the back of his neck. “Forget about him. I need u right now,” u lick up his neck to his mouth. He wants you too, so bad that his hardon is aching. He can’t let you go unsatisfied. He groans, giving dives into our mouth. ur panting and whimpering as his hands feel across your body then resting on ur waist. He whispers, “fuck,” as u grind into him. He becomes possessed, hurling u up so that ur legs wrap around himHis cock pushes up into u as u grind“Fuck fuck-u- y/n u need to god just like-” he moans. u pick up your pace, ur climax finally building up. “Wait, please,” he sets you down on the couch. 

Biting down ur lips as u see his large bulge. “Clothes off,” he says as he takes off his own clothes. u hurriedly take it off, not wasting any time he’s on top of u. Biting u, gripping u trying to pull u closer to him. He twists and sucks ur hard nipples as he finger fucks u. u squeeze ur eyes shut, letting him. “u feel so good around my fingers. Look at u wanting to come to just from me finger fucking ur needy little pussy,” u arch ur back. “u want my big fat cock in u? Huh, yeah,” u stifle a moan as he removes his fingers and places himself at ur entrance. Stroking the tip up and down ur wet slit. It’d been so long since he’d fucked someone, he’s losing his mind as he watches him slowly enter u. “u’re cunt’s so fucking tight,” he bites out dropping his head as he pauses to breathe once he’s all the way in. 

u clench around him, “stop if u continue tonight isn’t gonna last long,” he groans. u feel his abs tense as he tries not to bust early. “Stop it’s killing me,” he grabs ur throat n digs into ur hips to stop ur movements. He’s a different person, he’s fucking u so hard now. you're clenching around as u come at the sheer force of him. His incoherent speech is muffled in ur ear as he bruises ur neck and hips from where he’s holding on. “This dick is all urs, fucking come on it,” he circles ur clit viciously overstimulating clit throbbing blindingly as u shake under him. Teary u moan out his name as he fills u. ur juices cover his shaft as he pulls out. “No more. Keegan,” u whine. It’d been a long time, too long, and u didn’t want this to stop just yet. “Look at u, you're shaking, did Joshua really not know how to treat a lady?” Keegan mocks kneading ur breast. “you're not half the man that he is,” you admit, sitting up u push him down to lie down. “Say that again,” he hums, devouring every inch of ur body as he watches u crawl on top of him. “He hasn’t made me come half as many times as u. Now shut up and kiss me,” he bites your lips and tongues u, taking away any air u had. u start to bounce on his dick, “my dick is urs y/n,” he sighs out. u ride him faster, stretching around his cock. Just as u go harder his body bucks, “oh fuck u know how to fuck me- so needy- all this dick in u-,” he sputters finally coming so strong that his eyes roll to the back of his head and he fucks u meeting each of ur movements. u feel him fill u up and u can’t help but smile at how perfectly he fits in u. “Such a dirty little slut," he says, juices and his come glistening between your thighs.