#i guess i'm just saying like be more polite in online spaces and put in the effort to understand the etiquette

[wildmelon]

a long time ago when i was a simblr lurker i didn't really get why people got irritated by repeat wcifs and wcifs in the replies etc, i'd be like "just answer again it's not that hard" but lately i'm at my wit's end lmfao 😭 like i try to just nicely answer everyone bc ik there are a lot of new ppl right now who don't know the etiquette but like i have a read first is it really too unrealistic to want ppl to actually read it before sending an ask 😭 i didn't get it before and thought it seemed kind of uppity or whatever to complain about this but now i get it. it just really feels impolite and maybe a bit disrespectful even? like it's not respectful of my time/effort, i'm doing a courtesy by providing everything and you don't have the same courtesy to just look through my tag? & if it's "too far back" well either you have to click through the pages looking for it or i do when i reply "answered here" ...

[max1461]

I guess...

I've made some posts criticizing the mindset/priorities of "tech people" recently, and I think I've been a little bit unfair. I hope it's clear by now that I don't have an inherent problem with people who value different things than me. But I guess I'm just a bit salty about this, for probably a couple of reasons.

I used to consider myself a "tech person", when I was a lot younger. As a kid/early teen (in the 2000s) I started learning to code, and I wanted to either be a game dev or a penetration tester when I got older. I spent a lot of my time in online tech spaces, of various sorts. And I remember a different tech culture. I remember a culture that was... what's the word, mischievous? Unruly? People who wanted to take things apart and put them back together again, people who wanted to break things and reverse engineer things just to prove that they could, people who valued, I don't know what to call it, fucking around? And people who did not want to be told what to do. That old(er) tech culture is where I learned most of my left-libertarian sensibilities in the first place. I guess it was "hacker culture", in the very broadest sense of that term.

But the "tech culture" I see today, even from people my age and of my approximate politics, is just not the same? It's so fucking self-serious. It's not playful, it's not rebellious. It's about Changing The World (i.e. reshaping the world in the image of tech people). That's what I dislike about it so strongly. It's big, it's universalizing. It's not "I don't want the Man to mess with me", it's "I want to invent the new thingamabob that'll reshape everyone's life in five years". Not that doing that is necessarily bad, but aspiring to it is... I don't know, troubling to me?

And here's where I have to talk about rationalism, because rationalism (I don't want to generalize unfairly, but let's just say... in a lot of cases) epitomizes this attitude to me more than anything else. This self-seriousness so extreme that it almost feels religiously-inflected. It's about the whole future light cone, it's about optimizing the timeline. I just, it makes me fucking uncomfortable to be around that kind of talk!

[This post, by the way, was prompted by the recent statements of Balaji Srinivasan, which are another prime example of the shit I am talking about]

And, look. I want this post to be understood as basically personal in nature. Whatever my political or object-level disagreements with Yudkowsky, Alexander, Srinivasan, or any others may be, I don't need to articulate those disagreements with an attack on their Weltanschauung. I think it is valuable that people with many different sensibilities exist in the world, and I think, like most any other, the sort of grandiose and zealous sensibility represented by the 2020s tech-adjacent intelligentsia probably provides worthwhile perspective in various domains. But I can't help resent it a bit, because it's pretty much as far as possible from my sensibility, and I feel like I just can't get away from it! It keeps showing up in places that I'm trying to spend my time!

Ah well. I know this was fairly critical, and if you're a big rationalist light cone type of person, I... am sorry for being so critical. I really do support you in Doing Your Thing, at the end of the day. I just wish the general set of attitudes I see from that crowd could maybe be a bit less totalizing, and a bit more friendly to other sorts of people pursuing other things under other auspices. I don't know.

Now that I've said my piece, I'll try to be less passive aggressive in various posts.

[blondiest]

you have got to be fucking kidding me.

alright. i wasn't going to say anything at first, because initially i thought it was just a few eerie similarities, but this is egregious:

this story, posted today, is a very clear ripoff of what doesn't kill me makes me want you more, which i posted an excerpt from two days ago and linked to in the ship tag.

in this copycat fic, there are two really key differences. a) near is three years younger, and b) it's explicit smut. i personally am not interested in policing what other people write as long as it's tagged, but it is very, very upsetting and frustrating to me to have an idea of mine taken and used like this in particular. it's like this person wrote a porno parody of my story.

i am angry! it's actually hard for me to express how upsetting this is to me! what doesn't kill me is one of my dearest ideas. it's one i'm really attached to and proud of. i don't know how this person thought it would go unnoticed in such a small ship, honestly. maybe they just didn't think i would say anything. maybe they're just deeply unfamiliar with basic fucking etiquette and online behavior.

this isn't going to be super eloquent or coherent on my part because of how upset i am, but i think if you look at the examples below, it'll be pretty fucking clear why. there is a distinct difference between writing something inspired by someone else's work -- in which case it's polite to credit them -- and wholesale ripping it off.

let's get to it, i guess. i'll put this below the cut in order to not be deeply annoying and take up a bunch of space on your dashboard.

if you feel so inclined. feel free to go ahead and report the fic for plagiarism.

for starters, here is the opening of what doesn't kill me:

and here is the opening of Broken Glass-Shield:

here is a passage from later in chapter 1 of what doesn't kill me:

and here is a passage from Broken-Glass Shield:

again. a passage from what doesn't kill me:

and from Broken-Glass Shield:

an excerpt of what doesn't kill me that i posted two days ago in the ship tag:

an excerpt from Broken-Glass Shield:

from what doesn't kill me chapter 1:

and from Broken-Glass Shield:

AND I'M NOT DONE. SOMEHOW.

from what doesn't kill me:

from Broken-Glass Shield:

[arocoded]

I'm showing up to this topic three years late, but the overrall fandom response to Scott's response about his political donations is really strange to me in hindsight.

I guess I'm not super surprised that people took his words of not being racist or queerphobic at face-value, but I am disappointed.

At best, we don't know the guy, and being able to evaluate whether he definitively is or is not bigoted is just something that's hard to do with the limited information we have, especially since we don't know how genuine his online persona is. He doesn't elaborate very much on his political views in his reddit post [link] other than specifically saying he's a Christian republican and pro-life.

But even beyond that, most white, allocishet, able-bodied, and otherwise privileged people will deny any accusations of bigotry without reflecting on themselves first, because acknowledging the bigoted things we are taught and complacent in immediately feels like an attack. It takes conscious work to actually respond in a constructive, repairative way to that, and Scott's post feels really dismissive, especially in that he outright refuses to apologize for supporting the candidates in question. The whole post had a "I'm sorry you feel that way" overtone, which is not a proper apology let alone a solution. I feel that someone genuinely invested in disproving those accusations, i.e. not because it hurts their ego, but because it hurts others, would put more care into their response.

Not to mention, even if Scott genuinely isn't queerphobic, and especially if he isn't racist, it's not enough to not be those things. You have to actively unlearn and fight against them. I will give Scott that he has supported organizing against queerphobia with donations to the Trevor Project, but I'm not sure if he has supported any antiracist organizations or movements.

He states he supported a politician thinking they could help "bring the Black community out of poverty," but doesn't elaborate further. From what I understand, that's not necessarily an acknowledgment of systemic racism, as many racists will acknowledge that Black people struggle, but then deny that it's the fault of systemic oppression.

Regardless, neither of these erase his donations to queerphobic and racist politicians. And his admitted pro-life stance is most definitely informed by some amount of misogyny, which is rampant in American Christian spaces.

That's really a lot of words to say that as much as Scott defined our childhood and seems like a nice guy, we shouldn't take his statements at face value at all. We have little information, and what we do have doesn't seem to paint a pretty picture.

It's been three years and I can only hope his opinions and donation patterns have changed, but without any solid evidence, I don't feel comfortable giving him money or benefit of the doubt.

[gendercriticalthinking]

I'm a radfem but I have a boyfriend too. I don't talk about him online 1) obviously nobody wants to hear about men in radfem spaces, especially lesbians, which I don't blame them for 2) some people on here are really just not normal about it and I don't want the drama 3) I personally think you can have a bf and be a radfem if you have strong, uncompromising boundaries when it comes to sexism and not tolerating it. Idk, I feel weird about lying about it but I also don't want to invite issues when we attract so much hate for our beliefs as it is.

That's absolutely understandable, and I agree! Women, and lesbians especially, deserve to have female-exclusive spaces! It's just a little off-putting to come into a space where everyone says "my feminism is for all women!! female solidarity!! i center women first!!" and then something most women have in common and is innate to them causes multiple rounds of controversy???

2. Like that's the thing though!! If you want to be a feminist, and you claim sexuality is innate, how can you not be normal about the most common type of female sexuality. Yes the vast majority of men are awful and not worth being in a relationship with, yes I do think most women would be happier alone than with the average man, especially right now. But why is the conclusion here "het women bad and stupid, i laugh at your suffering because it's your fault for not listening to me as i berated you" and not "let's help women understand they're allowed to have standards and boundaries, and that they don't have to be in a romantic relationship to be happy"???

3. I'm not a radfem and haven't read much primary-source info on it outside scattered quotes posted here, so I can't say whether or not having a boyfriend/husband is incompatible with it or not. Either way, the fact that you and I and other women feel weird/guilty/uncomfortable about talking about one of the most important people in our lives is a huge red flag to me. Either something rings true about radfem criticisms of het relationships and he might need to go, or something really stinks on here. Or both, I guess. But again, helping women figure out their worth and their standards does a lot more good than telling them "your whole life you just listen to what random men tell you to make them happy. that's bad. now listen to what i, a stranger, tell you to do to make me and other women happy." She still is operating on female-socialization autopilot where her personal beliefs and boundaries don't matter, it's just that she's doing it for you and other women instead of men. Which is progress to some people I guess???

Overall I think it'd be better if radfems with this mindset called themselves lesbian feminists instead of radfems, since their beliefs align with that strain so much. Or make up a new name for it if they want idk. But either way, they're putting women off feminism as a whole and making things worse as a result (and if you point this out to them they often don't seem to care, having a "fuck those dick riders they don't deserve to be happy then" attitude, which again, odd way to react if you claim to be a feminist).

Like if giving up makeup--an optional hobby that's something even women who like it are sometimes willing to admit is expensive or annoying or time-consuming or uniquely targeted at them--is still a sore topic to a majority of women, how tf do they expect "suppress your innate sexuality" to go over??? And it'd be one thing if it were just Some Ladies Online, but uhhhh there's a history here. Multiple books were published touting political lesbianism as praxis. It's A Thing and you should probably talk about it more than you do if you actually want the women you mock to engage with the movement and leave their abusive male partners!

(For the record, I'd be over the moon if women stopped wearing makeup every day and never felt the need to again... but it's so easy for me to say and think that when I never liked it in the first place. To me, small things like getting women to admit part of the reason makeup makes them feel good is because it's a societal expectation for them to wear it, or if they slowly start feeling comfortable wearing less of it or less often in public, that's real progress that could never come about from hardline cold-turkey-now-or-you're-antifeminist guilt tripping. Much like transgenderism, regardless of how it makes the people involved feel, at the end of the day reality and actual progress is most important, and if believing/talking a certain way doesn't actually get us anywhere then it's time to try something else.)

I wish I could remember the user on here who wrote about this in her tags, but it comes down to "You say you believe misogyny is pervasive, near-invisible, taught to us in such a way that we believe it without realizing it, and extremely difficult to fight back against, yet you're so impatient and unkind to women who don't snap out of it the moment you dump extremist tenets on them. Do you need a reminder of why feminist is an uphill battle, or do you not actually think it is?"

I've said this before, but it feels like they've turned feminism into their own version of NLOG, where lesbians and febfems and celibate women are the True And Wise Women and the rest of femalekind are the vapid selfish Other of the "other girls" giving the True And Wise Women a bad rep and causing their undeserved suffering.

TL;DR Feminism that cares more about hating men than helping women gets us nowhere.

[neurotic-sinkhole]

A Crown of Candy is my favorite setting and season Dimension 20 has done so far. The way Calorum was meticulously crafted in both lore and actual mechanics demonstrates complete mastery of GMing. Political intruige is such a fun yet unsettling type of campaign, and in one of my own campaigns I've GM'd, I looked towards the world building Brennan and the Intrepid Heros did in the world as an inspiration.

With that being said, there were parts I wasn't a big fan of.

I only discovered D20 about a year and a half ago, so I wasn't around when A Crown of Candy was coming out. I have no idea what the discourse surrounding the season looked like at the time. But seeing the current Rat Grinders discourse, I can put together the peices of how bad fans at that time could have been.

Now, with ACOC, my personal gripes with the season aren't little scenes I disagree with. I've rewatched the season many, many times- and every. single. time For Candia Pt 1 (second to last episode) makes me genuinely upset. I'm a Survivor fan. I've hatewatched many hours of TV but preservered simply for the sake of completion for a lotta content. But that episode, the decisions made by some of the cast in regaurd to their character's alleginces makes me so angry.

From what I gather, there was a shit ton of hate to Emily based from her portrayal (and i guess just existance?) as Sacharina. While I don't think Sacharina was a perfect character, the choices Emily made as Sacharina were nowhere near as upsetting to me as Murph's as Theo.

((This is spoilers if ya haven't watched yet))

In For Candia Pt 1, there's the whole conversarion between the Momma Poppa lonely twin inner House Rocks family about how Amathar isn't an adulterer. They talk about how he's actually legally King! And they make the decision to tell nobody, not even Theo, because it isn't the time. Because well, there is literally war going on, and also because they're nervous about it weaseling rebellion in the troops and companions they so desperately need to work together- if but just for a few more hours.

Then the swifty thing happens, Sacharina tells Theo, and the exact thing Ruby DIRECTLY MENTIONS being nervous about happens. Theo can't keep the secret and tells people.

Now, I know that within the cannon Theo wouldn't know Ruby said that. Him knowing that is straight up metagaming lol. But what Theo does know, and hears directly from Sacharina's lips, is that SWIFTY found this out. Swifty, the "advisor" to his queen who is a known shit starter and murderer. Theo only checks if the queen is telling the truth- not Swifty, and doesn't think to double check this info.

Theo says he's known Ruby since she's been alive. He's known Amathar for decades. But he'll take the word of a rampaging violent maurader such as Swifty, who he's only known for a series of weeks.

Everybody- the cast, the other characters in game, MURPH HIMSELF- has waxed poetic about the importance of honor to Theo. Yet he forgets it so easily at times that he needs it most and it drives me WILD.

This is probably my biggest complaint with ACOC. And I know this issue does not come from some weird sense of "morality" or just straight up sexism/racism/queerphobic tendancies like a lot of the issues d20 fans come up with. It's a genuine critiqe of a character not based off of their behavior but choices made. It's criticism that garners conversation. I bet there are people who will think I'm wrong, and that's fine! I think you're wrong then too, and that's it. I don't think you're immoral or a bad person for not having a different viewpoint than me. It's interesting in a way that stirs myself and others to delve further into the season I love so much.

Because that's what fandom discourse should look like. That is what disagreements within online spaces should look like. Especially when the events being dissected are about little food people in the dice game.

[sablegear0]

"Why not just write your own stories?"

At time of writing, I am taking an online course about Ethics and Legal Issues in Publishing. I say this as context because the class forum is discussing fan fiction and where it falls in terms of "fair dealing" (the Canadian version of "fair use") and the "moral rights" of a copyright holder to their work (a creator's right to be associated with, and protect the dignity of, their work).

Within this discussion, one of my classmates (who by their own admission is a bit "out of the loop" on this front, they're an older individual who was around before the internet and online fan spaces became a thing) was asking -politely I must note, they were very open to discussion and having their mind changed- about the purpose of fan fiction. They said they don't really understand it. Why write with other people's material? Why not just write your own stories?

To that, I wrote this, which focuses on the why rather than any copyright issues. I just wanted to put out there how I felt about fanfic and the "why" behind it to hopefully show this person where the impulse comes from. What's the purpose of something so legally dubious?

==

I think I might have an answer to "Why not just write your own stories?" and a bit of an explanation of the "purpose" (I guess?) of fanfic from a very fannish angle.

First and foremost: writing is hard. Writing something original is even harder. That's part of why I'm not writing "my own stories" (insofar as original characters and plots, more on that in a moment). Part of the appeal of fanfic is that someone has already done a good chunk of the world building, plot development, characterization, and audience investment for you. It's easy to jump right into the kind of story you want to tell when you're borrowing elements the audience is already familiar with to tell it. It's a bit like playing with toys in that sense; a Barbie's harrowing expedition to the top of bookshelf-Mount-Everest is more compelling because we have a sense of who Barbie is already.

Second, and perhaps most significantly, the vast majority of fan fiction is an expression of love for the original material. Getting to glorify or explore characters you've come to love, giving plot points and characters the time you feel they deserve is satisfying. In this sense, fanfic is often born of a desire for more. And if the fandom can't get more from the source, they'll make their own from scrap. Many fanfic stories fill in what the writer considers "gaps" in the canon, or explore relationships or elements of a character that may be implied (or the fan feels are implied; re-interpretations and "head-canons" abound in fan spaces) but not explicitly explored in canon. Or they can be "fix it" fics, in which nobody dies or tragedies or undone - which may undermine the grand literary intent of some events, but sometimes you just want to see your favourite character get a happy ending because they're your favourite!

Fanfic can also be an exercise in writing techniques and style, which is primarily how I use it (the audience comes free with the territory! The feedback not so much, but not everyone is a literature critic...). After the purpose of general appreciation, I've found the second biggest purpose of fanfic is so the writer can work through something. Try out a style or explore some thought or issue or realization in their own life. They do so through the lens of familiar characterizations but by introducing new themes, new issues, new twists. In this way the fan writers are "writing their own stories". Many of these exploratory pieces can get quite personal! (I have also done this.) They're just using established elements as a kind of shorthand, so the audience understanding is already there when they begin a story exploring something like trauma or identity or grief.

So fan fiction is a lot of things to fans: it's an open forum for discussion, it's a common language, it's a sandbox full of toys, it's an art gallery, it's graffiti on the works in the art gallery, it's a modern retelling of a period piece, it's a historical recasting of a digital-age story, it's a band-aid, it's therapy, it's practice - but most of all, for a lot of us, it's just how we show our love.

[andypantsx3]

Hi Andie, I've been reading your fics since your first one savvy 3 years ago. Your fics have been a great source of comfort for me and I'd like to thank you for that. I'm writing to you anonymously so I know you can't answer me privately, you don't need to answer or publish this ask at all as I don't wish to stir discourse on your blog or put you in an uncomfortable situation. I've really been debating on sending this to you because I don't want you to feel like I'm guilt tripping you or expecting something from you, because I'm really not.

A lot of people at this time are posting about the situation right now in Israel with Gaza. They are doing it out of empathy and I'm sure you are too. I live in Israel and in the past 2 weeks I've been in and out of our bomb shelter with rockets falling in our area every day. 4 people I know have been murdered by Hamas, I went to their funerals. 2 of them were my classmates - one was at the music festival, she was hiding in a bomb shelter that the murderers threw a grenade into. She was supposed to get married this week. One was guarding one of the towns that were infiltrated. One was my schoolmate's father who was biking in the area. And one was my neighbor's 19 year old cousin. I just want you to know that we've been hurt too. 1300 people have died and 200 are still kidnapped within Gaza. Women were raped and children were killed. This is not propaganda, I know those people. It IS a war, and I really wish it was over. I wish none of it ever happened. I've been reading your fics and following your blog in this nightmare situation, just trying to distract myself. Israeli people are not cartoon villains, not even the ones who are 'zionists'. We're all just afraid of being hurt. I'm just a normal woman, around your age... I guess it just made my heart sink to think that if you knew I was reading your fics you would think of me, my friends and my family as murderers or something. Everyone I know is scared out of their minds. Almost all reservists were conscripted and nobody wants them to go because we know some of them won't come back. Everyone just wants their loved ones to be safe and healthy. I just wish people saw us too. I've been on the left leaning side of the political map my whole life and I still am, the entire country is so livid with our government because we know this is their fault. But I just feel so torn between what I see online and my lived experience in this moment. I don't want anymore people to be hurt anymore anywhere.

I will continue to silently follow your wonderful writing and blog, and I wish you well.

Hey! I appreciate you looking out for me and saying I don't need to publish this but after reading, I wanted to make sure there was space for your voice on my blog too.

I think at least I personally am appalled at the generational, systematic genocide of the Palestinian people and I become more livid the more I learn about it. But at the same time, I have a fair few Israeli friends and know that the hard right Israeli government does not represent all, or even most, of Israeli citizens, and that you guys are hurting too, beyond imagination.

I am sorry if any of my posting has given that impression; I would absolutely never think that of Israelis on an individual level.

One thing I have not at all liked about the discourse I have seen in leftist spaces is the flattening of this war. You can hold two ideas in your head at the same time, the idea that Israel has oppressed Palestine for generations (with the full unwavering support and military funding of my American government, might I add) and the idea that the people who were hurt in the Hamas terrorist attacks, many of them children, deserved absolutely none of what happened to them. You are right to be shaken and hurt and terrified. I am so so sorry for your losses too.

I have been posting what I have because I am particularly terrified for Palestinian citizens, as I see how neatly Israel's response mirrors the US's outsized response after the 9/11 attacks. We were responsible for the deaths of millions of innocent people who had nothing to do with the 9/11 attacks, just as Israel has been killing Palestinians who had nothing to do with Hamas. So as an American, this aspect has been particularly haunting for me.

But my thoughts are with you and your family and your friends too, and if you ever want to talk about anything with me you are absolutely welcome to do so. I want you and your loved ones safe and healthy as much as I want that for the people of Palestine. Please, please, please stay safe.

[doctorguilty]

Therapy log

I did a therapy session yesterday in which I did an exercise pretending to be on a sinking boat and choosing who gets to get on the life boat as like a follow up to the thing going over my patterns of like, being unable to distinguish my own feelings from others, which is exactly what ended up happening after assessing my choices and notes on what I was saying at the end and I was nxjdjjdkkd hm. And she was also like "it also took you until the ..2nd to last person to choose to save yourself" and I'm already thinking like yeah it's literally embarrassing I actually said I wanted to live and get on the boat like, I know I'm selfish for that, And she's like "it's very rare for anyone ever to not almost immediately say they're getting on the life boat" and I'm like, wait what ,,,,, 😶 and I like argued this (lightheartedly) I was like no surely even people who don't actally mean it would just lie anyway to seem righteous like in a performative right? And she's like no at this point in therapy it's like an established space where essentially they're not performing anything to me they're being honest and candid.

And like I guess the point I'm about to make here is not encouraging any kind of like discussion whether or not I think it Is right or wrong to save oneself I think for the purpose of like, therapy, and exposing the pattern that I, as an individual, am so utterly incapable of thinking of myself as a person worthy of life, it feels BAD in a fictional not real circumstance to even consider myself equally worthy of life to any other human being on the planet, and that's my problem that's like going back to my other post where i don't even know what my own feelings are, most of my existence seems to be this vicarious emotional weave that I feel threatened when someone tries to unravel because I have no idea how to be my own person without it, I don't know how to exist for myself and not others. Think I've make progress from where I USED to be, I think when I eventually unbox more abusive relationship lore to my therapist she's gonna be like holy hell, because it took a lot to cut what felt like, just, full on cordyceps flowing all through my body (if I were an ant or perhaps a spider) because that's how far I was like serving the demands of others and erasing myself

And actually that wasn't the point I was going to make here the point I wanted to make was it occurs to me this website is SO FUCKING unhealthy like I mean I knew it to all sorts of degrees but it's definitely making me worse than I even realize like, the way the user base here approaches like suffering and (VERY PERFORMATIVELY IN PLENTY OF CASES) puts all this shit out there like, if you even think of your own well being when other people are suffering you're evil for real, like you know how we keep saying "this site is a saw trap for people with moral OCD", I like recognize things in a 3rd person pov with like other traits I'm familiar with but I have to wonder if nearly every time I eat food or spend money or anything, I cannot stop thinking "someone else needs/deserves this more and I'm selfish for experiencing it instead" and it's an active battle every bite of a sandwich to tell myself these are most definitely disordered thoughts there's no way that's normal. Ignore it. Don't break down into tears (I lose sometimes), just have to wonder of that's moral OCD too (i defs have OCD symptoms in general just other types I am more sure of), though regardless it surely must be something

The way I cope with it tends to be like a telling myself I have to secure my life mask before securing others kind of thing, and also like the world NEEDS to keep spinning, contrary to the beliefs of people chronically online who's politics are like, "I don't vote I don't participate in anything I make transgressvie posts online and await the glorious revolution from my gamer chair" like the person who's income is like making non essential goods still needs to put food on their table and stuff like we can't just cancel everything and live on bread and cheese and wear rags until the world heals because that will kill everyone who's jobs aren't making bread or cheese or rags or delivering them, do you get me

But then you log into this site and get a barrage of like reinforcement of disordered thoughts about morality like actually you are in fact a horrible person for buying a $6 fancy beverage instead of donating that money to charity and my brain is like oh God oh my God oh crap, like this Can't be good for me and how DEEP my hole is, you know, like I'm not just some guy addicted to treating myself and not knowing when someone else should get a slice of my pie I'm in a PIT so deep every time I take a shower I feel guilty for wasting clean water on myself someone else could drink that I have NO WAY of giving to anyone I can't even if I wanted to like 😐

Anyway it's not to say I want to like Quit social media necessarily I'm just kinda in my initial realization phase that it's like worse than I thought, and like I'm sure it's not all done by people making a performance of their armchair activism but I think what they're doing is like throwing fuel into an echo chamber of like, other people like experiencing these things as disordered thoughts but aren't recognizing them as such so instead and posing them as like true ethical Facts and shipping it off to the disordered echo chamber of it.

Idk like I think it might be kinda Messed Up, like, recently I saw this one post where someone like like aggressively ripping some other person apart for saying like "it's not normal for the human mind to comprehend so much suffering" re: current event and being like AND THATS WHY YOU SHOULD CARE YOU SELFISH IGNORAMUS (paraphrasing idk) and it's like, you're putting words in mouths man like who's saying no one should care, it's not an unreasonable statement to simply say this is not normal and is surely psychologically overwhelming for people, to deny even just the very recognition of that, imo, is exactly the kind of shit that makes this site a saw trap for people with moral ocd like why are you trying to be the worst psychologist on earth on Tumblr

Anyway so. Idk. Much to think about 😔 i suppose

[anadrenalineslut]

like i do think there needs to be space for white celebrities to be honest about the emotional realities of being politically activists as well without shaming them for feeling those emotions, right?

like yeah, maybe it's because i can only see it in a white woman perspective of having done the exact same thing before in my youth while trying to make friends with other white women but like it DOES suck and feel embarrassing when you think you're saying the right thing but nobody wants to hear it. maybe it's also my autistic perspective too because at least the narrative taylor has given us, i understand to being bullied and not understanding why as a child and being hesitant to make friends and then going into adulthood and entering a new phase (for me sorority college life ugh dont ask me id like to Forget) trying to make friends but not being able to ignore the harsh social realities of the world and trying to navigate friendship in white spaces in adulthood.

but like i just... everything i hear from political leaders and activists on the extreme left side of politics, especially globally, is that the best way to be an ally to ANY community is to call out bigotry when you hear it. however, especially for taylor swift who is very silent on political issues and who grew up idealizing the chicks, when you make that part of a public platform, it DOES come with mental health compromises.

again, if we broaden the discussion to societal standards of ethical behavior and how should allies move about in the world, we hear this narrative ALL THE FUCKING TIME from black activists on the internet. Kat Blaque is prime example of this and she talks about it often on her channel the impact it had on her back in 2016. um that one chick.... princess flowers! she also talked about her trauma regarding her harassment. like and there are many more people that have spoken out about how awful it is to be a political activist online nowadays.

do you guys think it only happens to the black activists though? the struggle with their mental health? i can only speak from my brief time on twitter before i was harrassed into getting banned for supporting amber heard but like even knowing some of the comments are fake, i had a walking dead actress put my tweet on blast onto her account. me. a fucking nobody. and it DID take an effect on MY mental health.

and i think we just have to be willing to hear it coming from white activists as well because frankly, white voices get the most validation. there IS a reason yall wanted her specifically to speak about politics after all right. her fame as a white woman, arguably The White Woman, would help get ALOT of shit done. and i guess in a way, she is tackling a political issue, it's just not one you guys are very happy about discussing i think.

like, yeah, after 2016 happened to her over the most pathetic ass petty bullshit, why WOULD she speak up about anything that matters ever again? I'm not saying i agree with her mentality but i do see how someone who is not in therapy would get to that conclusion. I've BEEN there before but for like different reasons. when you have trauma, your brain can react illogically to so many fucking things that seem normal and fine and healthy enough. thats like the point of trauma.

and i feel like honestly the reaction to i hate it here just validated her trauma response even more because i cannot even begin to describe how pathetic some of y'all were about that song. STILL are about that song. i keep thinking about how in ms americana she said that she felt like saying anything would have added fuel to the fire and she didnt want to cause harm by trying to speak out.

the hatred yall showed in response to her saying the 1830s had sexism and racism in it and would've been fun to live in..... i fear that it did the exact opposite of what yall wanted and just validated that belief for taylor and i cant help think... what's the point? was it useful? did the clowning on her make you feel happy inside? are you happy now that she refuses to talk about palestine or trump or the abortion ban?????

idk it feels so fucking destructive and mean and most of.... unnecessary.

idk if you want to ask people to challenge social norms, you have no not freak out every time they don't talk about exactly what YOU want them to bring attention to.

[sakebytheriver]

anti pedophile but allows kids to follow a blog where you post sexual stuff. man i love your athleticism

Hi, sorry, but do you think a teenager seeing a random sexual post online will cause them material harm in the real world?

I'm not grooming kids just by randomly occasionally hornyposting and clearly tagging posts I don't want minors to interact with, I don't talk to kids about sexual stuff, I don't entertain conversations of that nature with minors, but I'm also not an idiot who thinks just because I say a child can't follow my blog that one won't disregard that and follow me anyways, I remember being a teenager myself, I'm not a very old adult, I was a teenager only a few years ago so I remember what it's like and I think it's okay for a teenager to go out on the internet and look at some sexual stuff or start exploring and researching this stuff, teenagers are not an alien species who all of sudden become human beings when they hit the ripe old age of 18 years old, their hormones and their bodies start to change when they're well under that age and they get curious about this stuff without any adult ever telling them what it even is, there's a reason why teen pregnancy is so high in abstinence only states

I make it very clear I am a person not a safe space and I'm not going to ever entertain conversations of that nature with a minor, because once again I'm not a groomer who is looking to have any kind of sexual relationship with a teenager, but I also don't think seeing a relatively safe adult online posting sexual stuff is an inherently harmful thing to a teenage psyche as you seem to

I was a teenager once, I followed adults who hornyposted and I read smut and I was discovering my own sexuality in fandom stuff while safe adults told me to put up proper boundaries and put up proper boundaries with me, never once entertaining anything inappropriate and if I hadn't had safe adults putting up healthy boundaries while I was exploring this stuff, then I would have found unsafe adults who wouldn't put up healthy boundaries and who would have taken advantage of my naivety and my young eagerness and those adults WOULD have groomed me and used me and personally I would rather a teenager follow my blog and see some random 18+ stuff interspersed with all of the other educational and political stuff I post about along with the art and the fandom meta and the other miscellanous posts than get drawn in by someone who isn't up front with them and sets up boundaries right out of the gate. I'm not an overly nsfw blog, I'm not a strictly smut/porn blog, for the most part my content is very sfw, and I also rarely interact with my followers one on one, my dms are a graveyard. If you think any adult blog that occasionally posts adult content should be constantly blocking and filtering any person under the age of 18 from their follower list then like ok I guess, I just don't think that's a very reasonable reaction to teenagers existing on tumblr.com so I leave it in the hands of the minor to decide what they're comfortable with, if they want to follow my blog or block it, I've made it clear to them right up front I'm not here to entertain any kind of nsfw conversation with them and if a minor interacts with a post I've explicitly tagged "minors dni" I won't hesitate to block them, because that's them breaking MY boundary. I guess ultimately I just don't think the teens on tumblr need me to save them from my blog 🤷‍♀️

Idk, man, it's just that we've found over and over again that being strict and puritanical towards minors and how they begin to navigate the world around them is more harmful and isolating and leads kids into the hands of people who will take advantage of them more than giving them all of the information in a safe manor and granting them the respect of understanding that they're just as much a human being as any adult is ever will. So I'm going to grant those teens the respect of choosing whether they're comfortable with the content I've laid out and the boundaries I've set up for myself and leave the decision in their hands. It's modeled off of how my parents raised me, they never sugarcoated things, they didn't talk down to me, they gave me what they thought I could handle and didn't continue to treat me like an infant when I was in my teens. My parents constantly stressed to me the concept of autonomy with me, I was treated like a human being from the moment they brought me home from the hospital and I was allowed to make a lot of my own decisions. Kids are always going to respond better to people meeting them where they're at than treating them like they're some kind of second class of human that needs you to constantly be wrapping them up in bubble wrap to protect them from the world, do you not remember being a teen and desperately wanting adults to take you seriously? That's what I'm doing taking them seriously and putting the choice in their hands. A teenager seeing one random sexual post from me after seeing a hundred about geopolitics, civil rights, arts, media, history, science, etc etc isn't going to negate the quality of the information they took in from those

I know this stuff is squicky and it's definitely a more complex kind of topic than others, and in this day where we have entire communities of people proclaiming that the age gap between a 55 year old and a 65 year old is problematic people are going to be more primed to try and pedojack any adult that doesn't outright refuse to even make eye contact with someone under 18, but the world is written in shades of grey, the human brains only wants to think in black and white, good and bad, strict dichotomous thinking is intrinsic to the human psyche, but we gotta fight against this urge, it is so rarely that a situation is as easy as putting things into boxes and I don't think the decision to follow my blog is as easy as "you must be 18 years old or older to enter"

If every safe adult blocks every minor on this site, then all that will be left is unsafe adults

[rewcana]

this whole ordeal of people on here accusing users who feel unwilling / hesitant to vote in the upcoming presidential election as ops is so funny and silly. notice how the majority of these people are also not saying anything about gaza and palestine.

it's one thing to point out the dangers in not voting (yeah we get it) and a completely other thing to equate voting with something to do to save people. and not voting as condemning the "bad guys" to win.

i understand that people are rightfully worried about how many fascist policies conservatives have been passing at state levels across the country. but, accusing folks who feel like they can't in good conscience vote for someone who is approving millions of dollars of aid and weapons to enact genocide to be psyops for the gop is just.... like what? yes even if the people are aware that under a republican president, that genocide would continue and or worsen.

this is the thing about election years that really pisses me off is how people will completely hold off on criticizing the fuckin president and accuse folks who are criticizing a genocidal monster of being psyops. like oh yeah we have to put all of our criticisms on hold because it might make people not want to vote UwU.

"if you criticize the usamerican democratic system you are a psyop" "if you tell people not to vote you are a psyop and secretly conservative" "if you say you're not voting you actually want trump to win" etc etc etc. meanwhile these same people aren't stressing the importance of more local or state level elections.

i guess i'm just tired. election season completely erases any nuance to discussions of politics. the only conversations that people are having are "not voting = morally bad person and also you're a conservative/ fascist probs lol". and a lot of people really think it's actually as simple as that. there are tons of people who know all the complexities and different factors of this upcoming presidential election and still aren't going to vote / are not sure they're going to vote. and just vehemently shaming those folks / calling them ops doesn't actually get anyone anywhere.

the choice to vote or not to vote is deeply deeply personal. especially if you have a personal relationship or direct connection to the severe inhumane harm and straight up genocide that the current president has and is enacting. if you are telling people who are sharing updates about gaza and palestine every day who are so disgusted with the usamerican politicians' roles in the terrorism and genocide who say they are never going to vote for biden that they are secretly conservatives and don't care about the future of usamerica or whatever then how about you just shut up for a bit.

also this new thing going around warning people to not criticize taylor swift because the trump folks are doing a hate campaign against her or something is so utterly stupid. oh yeah this blog with like 60 followers is gonna make biden lose the election and doom usamerica because they shared how taylor swift is suing the person who keeps releasing all the data about how frequently she uses her private jet. and also they are obviously a psyop and doing work for the GOP.

i understand that people are paranoid about ops in online spaces and honestly i think that's a very smart instinct to have. but making sweeping generalizations about arguments that have existed in leftist spaces for as long as they have existed unequivocally meaning that those folks are operatives is so damn frustrating. politics are deeply personal and if you can only make broad generalizations and decry anything that doesn't fit your moral view as an agent trying to steer you wrong then you really need to take a step back and interact with folks not on online spaces more.

and for the record before anyone calls ME an op, i do intend to vote for biden. i was hesitant about it but decided to because of the crusade against lgbtq rights and also because of biden's initiatives to improve public transit and start new public transit projects. both of those issues are incredibly personal to me which is why they pushed me to the point of deciding that i would vote. i understand that you are worried about this upcoming election and you want to make sure people vote for your "right candidate". but accusing everyone who disagrees with you as being an operative isn't even close to the way to do it. and also asking people to look away from the horrific ongoing genocide to just "vote blue!!!!!" is actually quite harmful. i'm voting for biden and it's going to be very difficult for me to do so because i feel incredibly morally wrong considering a vote is an endorsement of a horrific person who has committed many human atrocities and is funding genocide. and i am not going to judge folks who can't put that disgust aside to vote and i'm not going to shame those folks if biden doesn't win.

if you really truly believe leftist politics are as simple as "if you don't vote in the presidential election you are a secret conservative operative" than i am BEGGING you to gain some perspective. not everyone who disagrees with you is an op, friends. there is nothing morally wrong with criticizing a deeply flawed political system, YES EVEN DURING AN ELECTION YEAR!

[zcorners120]

p2 of cheat?

cheat. - part two

angst 18+ MASTER LIST

synopsis; your relationship with max becomes more complicated as drama starts to spark.

warnings; mentions and implications of sex, cheating, lying, bruises, hickys, toxic!max, arguing, mentions of being cheated on, mentions of physical abuse, swearing.

DISCLAIMER; I have absolutely nothing against Max Verstappen nor Kelly Piquet. This is purely just for the storyline and plot, and I am not insinuating that this is how Max acts in real life. He is an amazing driver and an amazing person and this does not reflect on how he acts.

"It's immature, really." You said hurryingly, doing the button at the top of your dress from the night before. "From the both of us."

"The only immature person here is you, how you choose to stay with him when I've made it clear I want you." He shot back, as you look at him in disbelief.

"You don't know what it's like, and you don't know what I've been through. It's selfish for you to say such a thing. If you wanted me this bad, you could've had me before I got involved with Max." You grimace at his name, wondering how you were going to face him in such a state.

You didn't listen to what Charles had to say. You blocked out the tunes of his deep voice and put your heels on, walking to the door. He didn't get it, didn't know what it was like loving someone unconditionally when they only loved you on their own terms.

"Look, I'm sorry. But you do deserve better, he doesn't even fuck you right Cherie. Take some time and think about who he really is." He said, as you really consider his words.

"Fine, I will. But if he sees this, you're in huge trouble." You said cautiously, pointing your finger up and down your body.

"Sure." He replied smugly, and opened the front door for you.

You walked away wondering how on earth you'd gotten yourself in such a situation. Walking down the concrete you turn around and see that you were in Charles' house, mansion in fact. You called your regular car service to see them pulling up round the corner.

"My apartment please." You asked politely to see the driver nod and pull away from Charles' house. You refrained from saying; 'our' or 'Max's', so the driver wouldn't raise suspicion.

As you were in the vehicle, watching as the people of Monaco live their life guilt and pain free, your eyes followed all the different building when whizzing past.

You had decided to leave him. Part the sea, split up, follow a new road; whatever people call it. Dump him. For the better, you were both holding each other back from bigger things and better opportunities. You had planned out a whole breakup speech as the car pulled up to your shared apartment.

You cracked the door open, hoping to get changed first. Your hands were sweaty, as you feel the pressure automatically rise in the apartment corridor.

"Max? You home?" You called out, hoping desperately that he wasn't.

"Yes, schat. Where have you been?" He said lowly, coming into the corridor space.

You immediately felt boxed in, trapped as though you couldn't move.

"I was out last night, got shitfaced and fell asleep in the bar." You lied through your teeth, trying to give a vague answer as to not lead onto any follow up questions.

"You're lying. You know how? Ohh, I'm not sure, maybe the pictures of you leaving Leclerc's house this morning?" He dragged out his words at first, then spat out the last few words fast, in disgust.

He came closer as he shoved the physical picture in your hand, putting a firm hand on your shoulder.

"Where did you get this from? Is this online?" You panicked, worrying your indecency was already plastered on newspapers.

"No no, your cheating isn't online. A good friend saw you stumbling outside of his house like a pathetic new-born deer trying to walk for the first time." He dramatized, his eyes becoming darker, with his grip on your shoulder tightening.

"Well then I guess you can connect the dots. I'm getting my stuff and leaving, we're done." You said grittily, moving past him. You didn't care about the way you talked to him now, knowing it would all be over in mere minutes.

"Who the fuck do you think you are? I gave you so much. I made you as a person, without me, you'd be nothing. Completely irrelevant." He shouts, following you into the shared room, watching you shove some clothes into a duffel bag you use for the gym.

"And I thank you for that, but only you hitting me has 'made' me. It made me stronger, and made me realise that I can't deal with your shit." Breathing out every word, made you seethe with rage, realising how shitty this past year had been.

"Fucking bullshit. Who got this in your head? Better not have been Leclerc, I swear to God." He said, waving his arms about trying to make some kind of justified point.

You push past him into the bathroom to get some toiletries. He followed you again and yanked your hair back. Hard. He kept his hand tight around your hair, pulling your head back with it.

"Answer me, schatje." His mouth dripping with venom, his words biting you with the poison.

"No. I came to the decision myself, as I don't need another person controlling my life." You said, ripping his hand off your hair.

He walked out the door and leaned against the wall opposite the door, watching you removing every aspect of you living here.

"You know what? I'm glad you're doing this. Kelly would be a better fit here anyway." He lipped, murmuring the last sentence to himself.

"Kelly huh? Glad to see you've found yourself another girl to turn black and blue." You fired, zipping the bag up shut.

"Don't talk about her like that. She's different, and I love her." He said firmly, looking at you in your eyes.

His words stung, stung like a motherfucker. You took the 'love' part personally. How long had that been going on for, when you loved him?

"Goodbye, Max." You spoke, slamming the door behind you and rushing into the elevator.

You could feel a warm film of tears wrap your eyes, daring to fall down your cheeks. You let them flow. Even if he was horrible, there were still feelings, and you had to let yourself accept that.

You quickly wiped them away as you got into your car, and reversed going towards Charles' house. You may as well join racing the way you were driving this car, without a care, speeding down the almost deserted roads.

Your tyres screech against the stones and you drift into a swift park, leaving the bag in the car and coming up to the door. You rap the door twice, hearing approaching footsteps. The door swings open as your met with Charles' face smiling at you.

"I did it." You spoke, pulling him in for a kiss.

A/N; please read the disclaimer at the top, it's very important before you leave a hate comment about the way I've presented Max. I focused more on the angst, if it's requested I might do part 3?

[stars-in-our-skies]

So I read your post about fujoshis and I agree with most of it. the thing I didn't really understand though was what you said about how despite the fact that women who fetishise gay men do exist, the Fujoshi doesn't exist, and is a TERF invention? I'm gonna assume by "fujoshi" people mean a very specific kind of gay fetishiser. So not an "omg I've always wanted a gay best friend" kind of person, but more of a .. "The dreaded fujoshi reads way too many BL mangas and manhwas and is obsessed with gay men" kind of thing. In my experience, and also based on hearsay from the queers in my country, these types of people do exist- though to be completely fair I've never met nor heard of a grown woman who fits this description. Mostly it's teenagers and kids who are- presumably- girls, though heck if I know lol. To be frank, as a transmasc queer guy, I don't give two shits what people get off to in private. I could not care less if the fujoshi "fetishises" me in that sense. In fact I really, really do not want to know.

Which ties in neatly with my next point- whilst I don't care about what people do in their private time, I do care about how they treat real life queer people. Both offline and online. Overstepping boundaries with real life queer men, harassing them online and offline, stuff like that, I've seen it and heard of it, and it's really gross. Even that "smol bean" stuff, honestly, whilst not a full on hate crime, it does count as a microaggression. It can trigger dysphoria, at the very least.

What's worse is that the local fujoshi population is homophobic as fuck in real life. Like they'll say things about how it's a "sin" and they don't think real queer people should have marriage equality, that sort of thing. Even if most the offenders are kids and teens it's still really frustrating.

so I guess my question is.. I'm not really sure how you've come to the conclusion that the "creepy, harasser of gay men" fetishiser is purely a TERF invention and even if she were to exist she's perfectly harmless and simply a misguided ally? I'm pro-fujin, btw. I have strong opinions on the TERFy SWERFy appropriation of the Japanese word fujoshi, and I don't think the answer is to gatekeep all queer media from perceived "women"- I just think that there's some nuance to be had in the Fetishiser Discourse.

i've had this ask in my inbox for quite some time. however, i haven't been in the right headspace to discuss politics in-depth, so i put this on the backburner to return to later. having thought it over a bit, i think i'm ready to continue the conversation. i'm sorry for taking so long, but i hope this response is satisfactory.

first, an amendment to my initial post-- reading back through it, i'm not as proud of my tone. in parts i sound preachy, and in others it just straight up doesn't make sense. i'm chalking this up to my neurodivergence and difficulties with portraying what i mean. i'm not going to rewrite the whole thing, but in summary, the points i made were two-fold:

1) that the archetype of "cishet woman who fetishizes gay men," --aka, the 'western fujoshi' -- was most certainly fed into, if not coined by, TERFs; and

2) that this had a lasting impact on the transmasculine community (and, on a broader scale, the queer community as a whole.)

having said that, i'll move on. to address the meat of your statement:

as you stated, you've never actually encountered this "dreaded fujoshi." neither have i! for the most part, i do not believe they exist, as i've already mentioned and will come back to in a moment.

but also as i've mentioned, i do believe there are people out there who, in one way or another, reduce gay men to nothing more than a fetish or pornography while doing nothing to prove themselves as allies to those same gay men outside of sex. what i mean to say is that these people do not exist in massive numbers. i've certainly never seen them in my almost-decade of being in queer spaces, and i've never spoken to someone who has. you have mentioned as much. i am not referring to them when i refer to "misguided allies" as you've put it -- they're fetishizers. this happens to every queer and/or marginalized identity in some shape or form, not unique to gay men. i'll touch on this later.

rather, the women i'm referring to are those i believe to be closer to misguided allies than a genuine threat -- in my (and your) experience, tend to be teenagers and young girls. in most cases, they aren't straight. and in a large number of cases, they are trans themselves, whether they're aware of it or not.

what i see as likely happening is these teens and kids are just discovering what being queer is after being sheltered their entire life. mind you, i'm referring to western society. i can't comment on, say, asian queer spaces. i'm not asian! but for the most part, it seems like they are genuinely misguided children who are just learning about being gay or trans and politics and their views on the world.

i'm not sure how old you are, anon, but the younger generations were raised on technology. a lot of us have been surrounded by politics and news at our fingertips for our entire lives. the most likely scenario here is that these young teens realize they're queer (&/or find queer media interesting) and, not knowing much better, they become fascinated with this "taboo" subject that has been inaccessible to them up until now.

it reminds me of the twilight era -- wherein young girls were enamored with the plot (or maybe, the pretty boys) because it was made for women. fanfic and media that centers queer people are largely made by minorities. it's easy for these teens to see themselves in it; or, in the case of women, to consume it without having to worry about misogyny. this is a similar topic that i won't dive too deeply into, but the appeal of boylove to women because of the lack of women is something that has been brought up in discourse surrounding the term fujoshi, and i'm sure you're familiar with it. so having said that, i'm sure we can both see why it might be appealing to this demographic.

i think, for the most part, what's described here --the fascination of gay men, the 'smol beans', the referring to it as 'sinful'-- is a misguided reaction from young queer people who don't know better. a lot of the current discourse in the community is being perpetrated by that same demographic (see: anything happening on twitter) so it isn't too far off to believe that those same people could hold misguided views. i think if we're going to talk about problems surrounding the younger queers perpetrating queerphobic rhetoric, it's a much bigger conversation than the fujoshi one, and it certainly doesn't end here.

it's more likely these girls are going through internalized issues than externalized. and that is certainly a problem -- but one that needs to be handled differently than it currently is.

side note, i'm not sure what 'local fujoshi population' you're referring to. we've established that adult women (or, really, anyone over the age of 16 in my experience) do not typically fall under this archetype nor exist on any massive scale. the examples you've given are just textbook homophobia -- they have nothing to do with the Myth of The Fujoshi, so to speak. anyone can be homophobic, not just this specific genre of women or whatever.

so I guess my question is.. I'm not really sure how you've come to the conclusion that the "creepy, harasser of gay men" fetishiser is purely a TERF invention and even if she were to exist she's perfectly harmless and simply a misguided ally?

we're referring to two different things here. "creepy, harasser of gay men" is not a common type of person, not in the fujoshi sense. i've said as much.

i specifically brought up the transmedicalist example in my initial post because it mirrors the same issue. essentially, transmedicalists claim that being transgender is becoming trendy and not taken as a serious issue. they have this idea that there's this terrible AFAB 'woman' who binds because it's 'trendy' and uses neopronouns because she is disrespectful to "real trans people" or even delusional. they point to xenogenders, neopronouns, nonbinary people, and anyone they don't believe to be "trans enough" as an example of this.

this "transtrender crowd" does not actually exist. it is an exaggeration of what they think is happening in order to fearmonger and push their point. there MIGHT be cis people pretending to be transgender because they think it's trendy. but the thing is, if we treat everyone like they're 'pretending', we're going to divide our community, and we won't get to the bottom of the actual issue (that, again, does not exist.) if we're so afraid of this hypothetical scenario, we'll only cause more infighting. we need to believe people in good faith -- this same argument applies to the 'misguided ally' thing above.

THIS is what i meant when i said that this 'fujoshi' you have described does not exist. she is an exaggeration of what people think is happening. and it is that exaggeration that TERFs specifically have created and fed into. they created the idea of a 'woman who fetishizes gay men so much she wants to be one', and then it got repeated -- so far that the transmasculine community has fallen for it, and that the word 'fujoshi' no longer just means 'a woman who reads BL' to most queer people.

this fetishization we have described might occur occasionally, yes. there MIGHT be cishet women who only see gay men as her Smol Yaoi Beans. but it does not exist on a widespread scale -- not to the degree where it warrants this much fearmongering, and the people who are mostly affected by this fear are transmasculine individuals.

the 'fujoshi' being referred to directly stems from TERFs' misogyny and transphobia. they want us to fight each other, and they have succeeded. that was my point.

and, before i go, there's one more thing i forgot to mention initially. you didn't bring this up, but it occurred to me that we haven't discussed how this issue affects asian gay men. in the west, of course -- again, i'm not from asia.

i think if anyone was going to be hurt most by the Fujoshi Trope, it's queer asian men. except, i am white. i cannot tell you how discrimination against queer asian men looks or how it is perpetrated. i cannot give you my personal experiences with it because i do not have them. it exists, for sure -- and i think that it's a part of a larger issue, namely anti-asian racism and queerphobia as a whole. that is something i want to leave to queer asian men -- if any would like to comment on it, i am always eager to listen and adjust my views as such.

taking this into account, that is the only point i could see towards 'women fetishizing gay men' (aka the bastardized western form of a "fujoshi"). i believe my points still stand, namely of this being a TERF-created issue. of course, if anyone wants to discuss it more, my inbox is open.

[joansiefics]

I Actually Just Want To Sleep

NATASHA ROMANOFF X READER

SUMMARY: You have been training with Natasha for weeks on end. She is harsh in training and you barely have time to take a break. So one day it all gets to much for you to handle and you pass out, but luckily someone is there to catch you.

WARNINGS: Fainting, Fighting, Malnourishment

After a long, tiring day at school the bell finally rang making all the students bundle out of the classes, with teachers still trying to get in a few last words before everyone disappears through the doors to freedom. You stood up from your chair and bid your farewell to the teacher as you left class and started your 15 minute walk home.

It was a habit of yours to play your music on full blast through your earphones when you undertook the walk home to take your mind of things - from your day at school to the assignments and homework that awaits you at home. You just barely started listening to 'Nurse's Office by Melanie Martinez' when an uncomfortable feeling made its appearance. You didn't stop listening to your music but you were more aware of your surroundings. Goosebumps were now evident on your skin, but you couldn't make up your mind if it was from the chilly, winter breeze hitting your skin and blowing through your hair or from someone's eyes boring into the back of your skull. You shrugged of the second thought, trying to stop your paranoia.

You started humming to the next song 'Stressed Out by Twenty One Pilots' when a large, coarse hand grasped your shoulder and pulled you backwards, making you lose your balance. You quickly got back on your feet and put up a good fight, one that the man was definitely not expecting which gave you the upper hand. You threw a few punches his way and dodged a few of his, but your last punch knocked all consciousness out of him and he went tumbling to the ground.

You picked up your now cracked phone and straightened yourself up a bit to continue your walk home, unfazed by the fight, when you felt another hand touch your shoulder. This hand was smaller and more gentle than the previous one, but your adrenaline was still coursing your veins and you grabbed the hand, sending the person with a twist of their arm over to the ground. "What the heck do you all want with me!!!?" You yelled out of frustration "I just want to go home, finish my damn homework and sleep, is that to much to ask?!" You don't know why you just asked your attacker this, but you couldn't keep the pent up stress and anger in anymore.

"Are you okay?" The person you flipped to ground asked with a hoarse voice and a following groan as they pushed themselves to get of the ground and brushed of the dirt form their clothes. "Why are asking me if I'm okay, you're the one that was laying on the ground?" You ask very confused at what is happening. "I saw the guy attack you, I was just to late to help you take him down, but I see you took care of him very well" The person says gesturing towards the still unconscious man on the ground. "So you didn't want to attack me?" You ask raising your eyebrow at the person "No, not at all..." There is an awkward silence between the two of you before you introduce yourself, having made up your mind to trust the person: "Y/N...Y/N Y/L/N" you say putting your hand out for the person to shake "Natasha Romanoff" she shakes your hand.

"You really have skill Y/N,  I mean you just flipped and ex-assassin and current Avenger to the ground without even a bit of struggle" Natasha laughs "Ummm... thank you?" You say not knowing how to respond to this compliment, a compliment that no one has ever given you. "Do you maybe want to come back to the Avengers tower with me and I can introduce you to everyone?" She offers politely "Umm, yeah... sure" You mentally scold yourself for being so awkward.

It was a peaceful walk through alley crannies and idle parts of the town to the tower, but you enjoyed the calm feeling. "If you don't mind me asking, how did you get your skills Y/N?" Natasha curiously asked, but not wanting to invade your personal space "I just watched some self defence videos online and practiced them for rare occasions like today" You answer her question.  After a few more minutes of walking you arrive at the tower and enter the building "Here we are" Natasha says breaking the comfortable silence.

You were marvelled by the perfectly planned and designed architecture and interior design and let your eyes roam until Natasha cleared her throat to get your attention. "Y/N, I want you to meet the Avengers: Tony, Bruce, Thor, Wanda, Peter, Bucky, Steve and Hawkeye" She introduces while pointing to each and every one of them. You flushed with embarrassment and shyness as everyone greeted you, you didn't even notice them until Natasha cleared her throat. They already think I'm weird you think.

"So I wanted to introduce her to all of you, because you wouldn't believe the story I'm about to tell you if I didn't bring the key witness." Natasha smirked, knowing that she pricked their curiosity. "Well Y/N over here was being attacked by some old creep-" Before she could continue Steve interrupted her "Is she okay?" he directs the question to Natasha, then he looks at you "Are you okay, are you hurt?" He askes caringly. "I'm fine, thanks?" You say, still unsure why everyone is making it such a big deal. Natasha gives Steve a daring look, one telling him to shut his mouth for the rest of the story or he won't see dawn, before she continues: "So as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted... Y/N was attacked. I saw the fight and was on my way to go help her, but she knocked him unconscious before I could get there. I just wanted to make sure that she was alright before I left and I approached her form behind and tapped her shoulder. She caught me off guard and flipped me to the ground as well..." she took a small pause before exaggerating her statement "SHE flipped ME!!!"

Everyone wore a look of shock on their face now, which confused you even more "Why is everyone making such a big deal out of this?" You ask, not able to control your ignorance any longer. "Do you know what you did?" Tony asks "Did I do something wrong?" You ask still not catching the drift. "No, no, no, no, not at all... you just, ummm... well you flipped an ex-assassin, not many people are able to do that" Tony answers with a proud smile, even though he just met you, you made him proud. "What would you say to being an intern at the tower and train with us and then when you're ready, you can become one of us, you can become an Avenger?" Tony asks. This question definitely caught you off guard and you were gawking at him in surprise and excitement at the same time "Uhh, ye...yeah, sure....I would, ummm.. I'd ummm love...that" you manage to croak out. "Great, you start tomorrow after school" Tony says as he leaves the room and the rest of the team, except Natasha, follows after him.

The next day after school, Natasha came to pick you up and took you to the tower. You went up to the training room and once again took in all your surroundings. All of this felt like a dream to you, you couldn't believe that the Avengers wanted to train YOU. "You can get dressed into your training clothes in there and then we can start with your first training." Natasha said as she directed you to the bathroom.

The first training was something to experience. You were tossed from one side to another, making your head spin, you were punched and kicked and bent into awkward and uncomfortable positions - if this was the first training, you didn't even want to know how the next one, or the one after that, or the one after that would turn out. When you returned home, exhausted and sweaty you took a shower and immediately started on your homework and assignments that had to be done the next day, you were so busy that you even forgot to eat something and barely got some sleep.

Your days continued like this for at least a month. Your brutal training sessions included 4 hours of training directly after school, then one break of 10 minutes to eat, drink and catch a breath and another grueling 3 hours of training. By the time you got home it was nearly 21:30 and then you still had to complete all of your homework and assignments. By the time you were ready for bed it was 02:00 in the morning and you would get three and a half hours of sleep, before the next cycle of exhaustion started.

But the end of this routine was in sight, you just didn't know it yet. You were currently in your third hour of training with Natasha for the day and to say you were tired would have been an understatement. You couldn't dodge any of her punches, grab any of her kicks or maneuver yourself out of the death grips she held you in. "You're slacking" Natasha said sternly but yet concern covering her features. "I'm sorry, I guess I'm just really tired, but we should keep going, my break is in an hour, then I can rest" You said, not wanting to sound weak. You were given this internship and you were not going to disappoint Tony for giving you the spot. Surely if you had told Natasha about your lack of sleep and little eating she would have given you more breaks and less hours of training, but you never told her and that is why you were in this never ending cycle of enervation.

"Y/N, you should go home and sleep, we can continue tomorrow" Natasha spoke. "No, I'm fine, I can do this...please" You almost begged. The proposal of Natasha sounded so welcoming, but you couldn't stop now, you had to keep on training, you had to prove to them that you are worthy of being an Avenger. Natasha gave in and you both got into your fighting stances and you began training again. No matter how hard you tried to concentrate on dodging the punches, you just couldn't and one last medium blow to your jaw sealed the deal.

Your vision went form clear to blurry, decorated in black spots dancing in your eyesight. A wave of nausea hit you harder than a punch from the strongest super soldier. You could vaguely hear Natasha calling your name, almost as if you were underwater, before the earth started slipping from underneath you, though the fall didn't come. Your mentor, friend and motherly figure, Natasha, caught you in her arms milliseconds before your skull collided with the earth's lithosphere. Maybe she called your name again, but you didn't know. You were in good hands and let the unconsciousness consume you.

After you fainted, Natasha ordered FRIDAY to notify Bruce to get to the infirmary and rushed with you still tight in her arms to Bruce. Once she got there and put you on the hospital bed she told Bruce everything she knew: "We were training, but she wasn't dodging any of my punches or blocking my kicks so I told her she's slacking and she just told me that she's really tired. Then I told her to go home, but she wanted to keep on training and the next I know she starts falling to the ground" Natasha says trying to get her breath back. "Did she hit her head?" Bruce asks, concern of a concussion crossing his mind "No, I caught her right before she hit the ground" Natasha says with a proudness in her voice. "Okay, I'll stabilize her and then I'll do a few test on her to see if there are any other factors aside from tiredness that could have caused it." Bruce said getting to work.

Why is it so bright? When did I change my alarm sound? Am I even in my bed right now? These thoughts were all crossing your mind when you first got your consciousness back. The bright fluorescent lights were making it near impossible for you to open your eyes and you could only get as far as a squint before closing your eyes again. After a few more minutes your slowly open your eyes again trying to grow accustomed to the brightness. You let out a groan when you finally open your eyes fully and see that you are hooked up to all sorts of tubes and a heart monitor

"You're awake" Bruce says in a cheery tone, happiness apparent on his face. "What happened?" You croak out from your parched throat, furrowing your brows as you try to remember how you ended up in the infirmary. "You passed out while training with Natasha" Bruce answers, but the look on his face tells you that he wants to ask you something but he's to afraid to hear the answer. "There's something you're not telling me" You say, slightly scared at what he might say What if they don't want me as an intern anymore... "I promise I'll get back to training as soon as possible, please just don't take the internship away from me" You ramble quickly. "Is that why you haven't been eating or sleeping enough? Are you afraid that we won't like you or take the internship from you?" Bruce asks concerned

"No, well kinda yes....but no." You answer not sure how to approach the doctor in front of you "I'm going to need more than that Y/N" Bruce says, arms crossed over his chest. Just before you can start explaining Natasha walks into the room. The moment she sees you awake she rushes to your side and gives you a warm, comforting hug, but careful enough to not rip any tubes from your skin. "I'm so glad you're awake, how are you feeling?" She asks. She would never show this side - the soft side - of her to anyone, but you brought out the best in her. "I'm a bit tired, but I don't have any pain" You say. "She was just about to tell me why she hasn't been eating enough, but now that you're here and you're her trainer, she can tell both of us" Bruce says giving you a stern, disapproving look.

"It's not that I wanted to starve myself, I just didn't have time to eat." Natasha makes herself comfortable on the foot of your bed as you continue "Since I started with the internship I haven't had the best routine. I would wake up at 05:30 in the mornings to get ready for school, after school I would come here and immediately start training, then in my 10 minute break I would eat something for the first time that day, then get back to training. Then when I got home, I would take a shower and start with my homework and assignments, usually I'd finish at about 01:50 in the mornings and then I would brush my teeth and go to bed."

"Why didn't you say something Y/N? I could've changed your training schedule for you" Natasha says "I didn't want you guys to think that I couldn't handle all this and then I would never be able to become an Avenger" You say out of defeat "We already know you can handle all of this, what's important now is that you focus on living healthy once again, okay?" Bruce asks "Okay... thank you guys"

[dabi-the-burnt]

So i saw the insta messages before their Twitter (they'd blocked me on Twitter I guess) so get ready because we're going to look at this.

Had I seen the Twitter messages first I probably wouldn't have been so polite.

For starters, I have dm'd with them before.

Those screenshots are a few months old.

Anyway. That account got banned and they are claiming we never talked but whatever.

My Twitter threads that they claim are harassment are simply statements of very Public knowledge compiled along with my own personal experiences with that person added along. I do not condone harassing them or anyone and have been clear about that. See threads here.

Also I don't know what they're talking about with "getting involved in something with birf" (which, they got themself involved by taking all of birfs art but whatever) as I have said that I don't speak for birf. They didn't tell me to talk about it. I only involved myself of my own accord because my art was also taken, and what truly got me worked up was seeing my friends art taken (which was not properly credited).

Anyway, back to birf- I want to once again say that they haven't asked me to do any of this. The most I've ever interacted with them is the occasional reply to comments and liking posts that they're either directly mentioned or tagged in. I am a fan of their work and that is all.

And quite frankly, the threads and posts were not made on their behalf. It was made by me for me and for artists in general.

Anyone who has spent more than five seconds looking at birfs stuff would know that they don't go about asking for posts to be made to harass others or cancel them. They're actually pretty closed off in their corner of the internet.

Now let's forget about birf and talk about the art "not being stolen". To put it simply, giving credit is not the same as having permission. Taking someone's work and reposting it is still theft whether or not you state that youre not the creator. Fandom spaces tend to forget that.

Also the assumption that I've never been harassed online is ridiculous. I've definitely had my fair share of getting shat on. While I do understand that it was most likely just them being scared by the sudden attention and Twitter threads about them (which I get that- that's scary), that doesn't mean you should tell creators "fuck off :)" or bitch at them for asking politely to have work removed.

If it takes multiple threads and posts exposing your behavior to get you to remove it then you're not just being nice. Nice would be apologizing and removing it AS SOON AS ASKED TO. Not only after being called out and the call out gets some attention.

As for "reach out to me instead of posting about it" how do you expect me to do that when you constantly leave comments off and don't accept dms? I tried to reach out to you and I have before. This time though, I posted about it. Because we'd been over this before.

Also you can't say "I removed it. Go check. But I'm not unprivating for you to see." I can't see when it's private.

Ultimately though, they did unprivate for me to see. I didn't sit and dig though. From what I saw, some was removed though.

Anyway, give me one second to get my screenshots of the Instagram messages to talk about those.