#i hate that theres something very wrong with me forcing me to deal with these fucking clowns

[aquarianconstellations]

I'm already stressed about the fact i NEED to get a doctor's appointment tomorrow why do they make it so hard i hate it i hate it i hate it

[gffa]

Can I ask your opinion on something? It's about Jason and the way hes written in a lot of batfamily comics, because I can't shake the feeling that in a lot of stories he's in theres is this rather... condescending attitude towards Jason. They are always writing him as this angry impulsive idiot who can't deal with a case or have plan of his own and basically needs Bruce and the others to save him.

For example, take Cheer, a lot of people been calling the best story Jason had, but it still repeats so much of the annoying tropes that Jason gets: He's written tob e really impulsive and dumb and prone to mistakes that the others would never make, and who Bruce to explain him to not attack drug addicts, and them you have to flashbacks that are there to retroactively insert instances of him being a "bad robin" who would torture a random person for no reason and killed someone before he even became robin. And whole story gives the idea that the only reason Jason can be good in anyway is because Bruce stopped from going bad.

then In the failsafe arc when Bruce is praising Tim he has to make a mention about how Jason hated training as a robin, which is not the first time Bruce has compared Jason negatively to prop Tim.

And now in The Gotham War, Jason gets brainwashed by Bruce with that failsafe thing. And it's treated as this big awful thing... until one issue has passed, and then Jason's already resisting the symptons long enough to try to save someone but not enough to actually succeed at by himself, and Bruce saves him by giving him a piggyback ride that treats Jason like child. And Bruce leaves without fixing what he did.

Like compare Jason now with the way he was before the New52 in stories like Under the Hood or the Lost Days. Jason back them as more often than not a villain, but he was a good villain, he was intelligent and competent in a way he is simply not anymore, and makes so mad that nonee these modern stories seem to actually respect him as a character and just make really made and it just ruins most Batfam media for me.

Take this for what it is--someone who is not as deeply into Jason's character as others are and who is more of a general fan (and specifically a fan of my own Blorbo)--but my feeling with Jason's character is that DC doesn't really know what they want to do with his character and so he gets written as incredibly inconsistently by various comics because of it. So often when I look at the bigger scope of his appearances, it's not clear if he's supposed to be a villain, a villain on the way to being reformed, an antihero, a misunderstood hero, or what. And that also tends to influence his relationship with Bruce on a narrative level, how much Bruce is "right" or "wrong" about Jason or even often how he acts around the other Batfam members, especially if he gets an author who is a fan or if he's just there to be the impulsive hothead who needs others to step in. To some degree, that's just how comics are--every character is written as the dumb idiot sometimes when they're not in their own book. I often Suffer as a Dick Grayson fan or a Tim Drake fan or a Barbara Gordon fan, when I pick up another character's book for them. There can be great appearances in non-titular characters' books! But a lot of the time, when I'm reading, I have to look at the title and go, okay, Blorbo's not going to be treated as well as they should because this isn't their book. And I think that's a big chunk of what happens with Jason, one that gets exacerbated because it's not really clear what his role in the group is meant to be.

(Like, there is a VERY noticeable difference in the way Jason is written in Task Force Z--a book designed to center around him--versus when he shows up in a cameo in another book. Or there is a VERY noticeable difference in the way Dick is written when he cameos in a Batgirls book versus who he's written in his own central title. Comics, you know?) So, you're not wrong that Jason gets written weirdly a lot, but I don't see it as totally unique to his character, because it's somewhat just kind of part of the landscape of comics and somewhat just that Jason gets it more intensely than other characters because he never really had the solidification of who/what he was supposed to be in the comics, like even when Tim is written really badly and they refuse to let him evolve, at least you understand what his role is in the family, so a lot of authors have a baseline for how he should be treated. (And I don't know how well he actually does/doesn't sell comics, which is often a big influence in how a character will get treated in stories they appear in, like Bruce is probably DC's single biggest seller, so he's always going to have a baseline of being intended to be cool and heroic--mileages vary on how that comes off, but I think the intention is there, even when writing him as fucking up sometimes--like Jason is tremendously popular in fandom, but does that actually translate to selling comics? I have no idea.) I think it's fair to say that, look at almost any character in the Batfam, and they'll have a period where a lot of fans feel like they're being written the way you're describing Jason being written right now--I could probably find you people who would say similar things about Dick, Tim, Damian, and Babs right now, too, that they're being written as incompetent and like they need someone to hold their hand just to cross the street without messing it up. But also that you're not wrong that Jason is probably getting the worst of it and it's one of those things that I often have just had to learn to roll with when it comes to comics or else just walk away. (Sooooo many times I had to nearly walk away from comics because I dislike what's happening at a certain point and, often times, I have had to walk away. I walked away from DC because of it. I walked away from X-Men comics because of it. I walked away from Thor comics because of it. It's only recently that I came back to DC to give them another chance and, honestly, I'm only staying because I'm getting what I want for my Blorbo. That's kinda how comics often are, if you're here for a Blorbo, rather than here for the entire roster. /says without judgement, as I know what I am too)

[starseungs]

➳ romeo and juliet is so overrated. lf

• pairing: lee felix x gn!reader (ft. kim seungmin)

blind dates are shit. and yet you're still roped into one by your wonderful mother who can't wait for you to experience "true romance." but what happens if you end up getting a second date? except its not with who your mom set you up with.

• genre: fluff, humor (romcom?), blind date au, strangers to lovers — 5.2k words

• warnings: mentions of food, blind date gone wrong, first date awkwardness, minor cursing, story is not actually inspired by romeo and juliet (incase the title gives off otherwise)

• note: this is in the same universe as this seungmin fic i also wrote! you can go read that after if you'd like, but this was mainly written as a stand alone, so its not going to affect too much if you decide not to^^ also this was a pain to proofread cz my laptop kept freezing- if theres any mistakes im sorry 💀

2022 ⓒ starseungs on tumblr. do not steal, repost, or edit.

Blind dates are shit. 

That was a motto you lived and breathed by—a belief you were very sure you'd end up taking to the grave. That's how much you detested the concept.

But like any sane person, you had a reason as to why attending a blind date was the last thing you'd ever want to do on a particularly good night—a time you could have used to relax from working the entire week. First of all, you'd much rather go on a date with someone you already knew. It saves the time normally spent trying to converse about the basics using small talk (you'd rather get to the more important topics, please.) And second of all—

—It never worked out for you.

Okay, maybe the second reason accounted for the bigger percentage of why you hated the process of blind dates so much, but who could blame you? Every blind date you've had so far has been either an "I'd-rather-not-experience-romance-in-my-life-anymore" bad, or good but with a catch that immediately turns you off. The only time the match you got vibed well with your standards, it turned out that they were already interested in someone else and were just forced on the date by their pushy mother.

Talk about relatable.

See, as much as you hated blind dates, your mother loved them to oblivion. The woman who birthed you was very determined to snatch you a person that would finally turn your "monochrome-painted single life" into one that had a significant other in it and give you a chance to finally experience bursts of color (her words, not yours.) The whole deal sounded like it came straight out of a fantasy book, one that had the concept of soulmates in it. Sometimes you wondered if she was doing all this so that she could finally leave you in the responsibility of someone else. Granted, you also did know the actual reason she desperately yearns to get you married soon was because apparently their children's lives were her friend group's only source of entertainment.

So when your mother called you out of the blue one night, telling you she'd gone ahead and set up a blind date with you and this other lady that she met in the market's son, you weren't anywhere near surprised. At that point, this was merely another normal day for you. Which was why, like an obedient child, you agreed ever so soullessly, just wanting to get the situation over with as soon as possible. If you had your way, you would have wished for nothing more than to laze on the couch with your roommate Seungmin, trying to watch whatever Netflix had to offer for this bleak afternoon.

But you couldn't—which resulted in you glaring heavily at the guy comfortably melted on your shared couch. He looked like he had not one care in the world, something you could probably trade your precious trinket collection for. "I hate you so much," you whined in defeat, pacing near the kitchen. "Why can't you go instead of me?"

Seungmin scoffed lightly in the background. "Yeah, right. Not interested," he shifted his position to make eye contact with your distressed form, "Just don't go? The world seems to give you bad dates anyway, so why not take fate's obvious advice and stop attending them?"

"But my mom would be so mad! It's also rude for me to stand the guy up after I said I would go…" Your roommate muttered something under his breath, but you had other things to worry about than what you would have guessed were his complaints about your indecisiveness. The date was set for two hours from now, and you haven't even stepped out of the apartment because of nerves.

Sure, you considered blind dates a waste of time for you, but that doesn't mean you don't get nervous when you're literally meeting new people who are expected to hit it off with you. At the end of the day, these were still strangers, and wanting to make a good first impression was a normal thing to feel. At least that's what you keep telling yourself as you tap your foot impatiently against the hardwood floor. You were very well aware of Seungmin's nasty side-eye directed towards your fidgeting, but he can take that complaint up with himself.

Deciding to suck it up and finally go, you called out to your roommate, who had already diverted his eyes to be glued to the TV screen. "Min, I have to go now," you informed him through your light pants, absolutely feeling the rush already even though you were still only trying to get your shoes on at the front.

"Sure. Enjoy," he waved you off quickly, not even bothering to spare you a glance. The show he's been waiting to watch was playing on the screen, letting you know Seungmin was already immersed in the story. You fondly rolled your eyes at his actions before heading out the door.

The outside world was a lot more welcoming today than you would have liked. With the temperature being perfect and the sun having mere hours until it says its goodbyes, casting a dim shade over the streets almost like a filter—it felt too perfect for a day you were expecting to go home and feel sorry for yourself once again. You clicked your tongue at the pitiful reminder and started picking up your pace. The sooner you got this over, the sooner you could return and mope around in the comforts of your warm bed. 

Who needs a significant other? Your bedroom was filled enough on its own.

It almost pained you to walk past the beautiful park, its landscaping coaxing you to stay and live your evening enjoying the gentle breeze. But you were already at your first destination, a whole building apart from the land of temptations, and you bitterly thought that whoever planned to build the two next to each other was a shameless sadist who wanted to ruin what was left of the positivity in people like you.

For someone wearing such an expensive-looking (emphasis on looking) semi-formal attire, one would think that you were heading to your plans via private transport. Clearly, that was what others seemed to think too, each one attempting to peel their eyes off you because of the way you stood out in the busy area. Well, boo hoo to them (and you; especially you), because no. You weren't. Not even a small vehicle called a motorcycle was available for your personal use. In fact, the area being mentioned is actually the train station, which is a few blocks away from your apartment complex. It was expected for the place to be cramped around this time—a rush hour filled with people wanting to go back home after a tiring day.

Oh, how you wanted to be one of them.

Yet instead, you were doing the exact opposite, boarding the public transportation because you had an appointment at dinner time. It's fine; you pat yourself on the back. Free dinner is still free dinner; you were not heading back home a complete loser tonight. That was, of course, if the gentleman you would be meeting in about an hour would be willing to pay the entire bill. The thought alone of the thin roll of paper left a sour taste in your mouth. Or maybe that was just the lemon-flavored toothpaste you used earlier.

The train ride was surprisingly the most bearable part of your day so far. Silence was always appreciated when it was needed, and you definitely needed it now. The white noise provided by the engines and the sound it made when the rails of the track came into contact with the train had you feeling drowsy. It was almost perfect; the ambience was relaxing enough for you to forget about today's agenda. Perhaps if this continued a bit more, you would walk out of this train and change plans to have an exciting "me time." However, that wish was shattered in seconds as you gripped your mobile phone tightly, reading the new message over and over again.

He's looking forward to meeting with you.

You didn't know if the dude was genuinely that deprived of a love life to look forward to meeting with a random person his mother set him up with in the grocery store—or that your own mother was twisting his words just to send you something, anything, that'll make you unable to turn around and ride another train back home. Either way, it looks like it's her lucky day because whatever the deal was, it actually worked on you. 

In a blink of an eye, you were already staring up at the fancy restaurant where it was agreed the two of you would meet. The building itself was already quite intimidating: tall, pristine white pillars you could barely name the material of (you weren't bougie enough for that), high ceilings with multiple intricate chandeliers—each adorned with crystal-like glass—and hints of gold plating along the walls. The people around you were on a different level as well, all dressed up in expensive brands you don't even know how to pronounce. It's safe to say that the place was a whole different world than the one you just came from.

So, what the heck are you even doing here?

How did your mother even arrange this for you? Was the guy a conglomerate's son or something? And if so, you really had to get this over with, stat. As much as you would love the experience, this was too much pressure. The rich life was not for you—money is great, but this much is quite nauseating. It's an acquired taste, you guess. 

"Excuse me, are you looking for your table?" An employee approaches you, most likely having seen your absolute distress over the situation. You quickly accepted the help and told her your name. "Your table with Mr. Seo is the second one to the right, along the windows."

Oh, so his last name was Seo? You knew it was already suspicious when your mother refused to tell you anything about his identity; which, now that you think about it, why did you even agree to? This man could be a serial killer, and you would be walking right into his trap. Still, you thanked the employee and beelined towards the direction she pointed. You saw the table easily, but the scene that accompanied it was not what you had expected.

Confusion hits you like a pile of bricks. That was him, wasn't it? Or were you mistaken? Checking your mother's message to confirm your suspicions (she had sent you another text saying that the guy was already there waiting), you were able to conclude that it was, in fact, the person who was supposed to be your date.

So if that's him, then who's the other one he's with?

"Psst," you heard someone call out. You knew better than to assume it was for you, though. This restaurant is a public space and may very well be getting the attention of another person. Plus, you don't even know anyone else at this place. "I know you heard me. Just look back; I'm talking to you," the voice followed up. But, you won't fall for it—you weren't born yesterday, and that could not have been for you. It's only common sense, right?

"Are you serious?" They sounded exasperated. "Person standing there like an idiot looking at the table by the window where a couple is sitting, please turn to me."

Oh. It's you.

Your head snapped towards the source of the voice, only to find a handsome face of a male around your age staring at you with eyes filled with amusement, his arms crossed and leaning against the tabletop. He looked to be seated alone, without a companion. You only tilted your head slightly as a way of asking what he wants from you.

Motioning over to your blind date's table, he asked, "You've been staring at them for a while. Is that your lover or something?" Your face contorted in offense, baffled at his words.

"What? No?"

"Good," he chuckles briefly, "I thought I'd have to console someone who got cheated on. By the way, do you want to take a seat first? You standing up right now is quite awkward…"

Realizing the scene you must've been making, you took his offer in embarrassment. "Yeah, thanks. But, no—I don't have a lover," you sighed, feeling your energy drain from the situation. "That guy was supposed to be my blind date, though. I have no idea what's happening." The man in front of you laughed. If you didn't agree with him that the turn of events was hilariously comical, then you would've been very annoyed at the action. Though admittedly, his adorable laugh was also a big factor. This man was attractive, no doubt. Why isn't he your date instead?

"That's a funny coincidence, I'm here on a blind date too," he glances over at the same table, "your date is with mine." 

You gaped at the revelation. What is this? A rom-com? There's no way these things actually happen! Or maybe they do—and you experiencing it firsthand right now would be enough proof. Looking at him with concern, you decided to speak. "Should we tell them?" He simply shook his head in response.

"Nah, I'd rather not. Why do you think I hadn't already? Look at them; they seem to be having a great time."

Seeing your two dates interact, there was no doubt they were hitting it off. Which was bad news to you, since now you just ended up wasting your time by coming here. You knew you should've just stayed home and flaked on the guy. Lesson learned: trust your gut instinct. It could save you a whole lot of time (and money, because when are train stations going to be free?) You mean, good for him for finding a date he liked, but this whole thing just turned out to be a huge mistake for you. But even with that, you didn't want to disturb them—you weren't some antagonist who ruins hope for others because they can't get a happy ending. 

Your silence must have been uncomfortable for the male across from you since he decided to break the silence. "So, random offer—do you still want a date? Maybe we could just be each other's," he says, pointing to you and him.

That... wasn't a bad offer.

In fact, it was a good offer. You didn't know much about this man, but something told your gut to see wherever this took you, and from what you experienced today, always trust your gut. Now, if you had to be honest, his face also played a big part in your spontaneous consideration. You weren't one to judge solely on one person's physical appearance alone, but the guy before you screamed a green flag, and you just couldn't ignore it. As a skeptic might say, you'll believe it when you see it—or, in this situation, you'll regret it once you're given a reason to.

"Sure."

The man before you looked shocked, almost like he couldn't believe that you had agreed to his offer. Was it a joke? Did you read the situation wrong? Maybe he was just trying to lift the mood but actually wanted to go home—you knew you did before this happened. However, all your doubts melted away instantly after seeing his wide smile, eyes sparkling with excitement and newfound interest. You swear you stopped functioning after seeing the sight.

Oh my, he's cute.

You felt your face heat up at the thought that invaded your mind. Get a grip, Y/N! This is a first date—you can't simp right away. At least make yourself seem appealing to the guy! You bit your lip, swallowing heavily at the sudden pressure put on you by your oh-so-fantastic mind. It's fine—you can do this. Icebreakers it is!

"So, what's your name?" You asked curiously, remembering that you've been referring to him as "the man" for the past few minutes that you've known each other. 

He perked up at your question. "It's Felix. Lee Felix," he replied politely while waving his hand for a waiter to bring the menus. After gaining the attention of one, he turned back to you. "What about you?"

"It's Y/N," you responded back. "You have an English name; are you half-foreign?" He hummed at your observation, the low tone catching you off guard. You had already noticed that his voice was deeper than what you had expected from looking at his face, but there was just something extra attractive about that hum. Catching your mind wandering again, you cleared your throat quietly.

"Good catch. I'm actually from Australia," he told you, the grin on his face growing a bit more at the mention of the place. He must really love Australia, huh? "My parents are both Korean, but I grew up there. Came here just a few years ago for work."

Does that mean he's here all alone? That must've been tough for him as well, to live in a whole new country and basically start his life over. You had major respect for people like that; they were what you saw as hardworking and goal-oriented. Sometimes, you even envied them. They could do so much with their lives with that mindset alone. You wish you could be like that someday too. It would be nice to rise above your current state right now—your job was paying enough to get you through the months, but there were still times where you had to worry about finances. Luckily, having a roommate helped with the rent portion of your bills.

Speaking of Seungmin, didn't he say he had an Australian co-worker?

"That's interesting! Australia, huh? I think my roommate mentioned something about having an Australian co-worker. I can't remember his name right now," you shared, "but imagine if you turned out to know each other. If you want, I can ask my roommate to introduce you two! I just thought it'd be nice for you to have another person from Australia with you. Deal with homesickness and all that, you know?"

You didn't think Felix's eyes could shine even brighter, but somehow they managed to do so. "That would be great! Expanding my social circle would be nice too. Making friends is a lot harder now that you're an adult," he sighs.

"You can say that again," you chuckled at his slightly dampened mood. Felix was quite expressive, you noted to yourself. Reading him wasn't hard, but it wasn't as if he put his whole heart on his sleeve either. If he was the type of person to show himself when he found you trustworthy, then you might have to thank him for being comfortable around you. Yes, blind dates didn't normally work for you, but that doesn't mean you didn't try. Of all the dates you've been on, you could only remember one where your efforts were practically zero, and that was just because the guy was a douche from the beginning. Felix was a lot different than the other people you've gone on dates with before—he was relaxed, treated you a lot more casually, yet still emitted that interest. You had a good feeling about where this was going. 

When the menus pulled up, you and Felix had already exchanged some basic interests with each other. This match must've been blessed by the gods because there was a lot you had in common, something you didn't even expect. You and him met under random circumstances, yet you had more chemistry with Felix than you had with any other of your past flings. Which, now that you say it like that, maybe that was why they only stayed as flings.

"Do you see anything you like?" Felix asked from across the table. You quickly scrambled to flip through the menu pages, trying to find something that interested you—too distracted earlier to even do so. Yet, just when you thought you could resume talking to him, you realized a big issue. 

What even were these dishes?

You might have never eaten in a place this fancy before, but—nevermind. That was exactly it. You've never eaten in a place this fancy before and therefore had no idea what all the dishes would taste like. You didn't consider yourself to be such a picky eater, but at that moment, you felt like your appetite was slowly leaving at each description of the meal you read under a dish name—wait, caviar?

Felix seemed to have caught on to your discomfort, because he spoke up once again. "Hey, do they not interest you? It's fine if you don't find something you want to eat," he says in a reassuring tone, letting you know that you don't have to feel bad. "Do you want to perhaps ditch this place? I know a good pizza place down the road." 

Your jaw immediately dropped at his nonchalant suggestion. Is this just something he does often? Make completely random (and baffling) offers? Well, to be fair, both of his offers to you have been good so far. Some pizza would be nice after everything that had happened today. However, this place is super expensive! That was the whole reason you felt uncomfortable ordering from the menu presented to you at the moment. He went through all the trouble of booking this place just for his first date to hit it off with someone else, so you sure weren't about to let his second date, which was you, let the whole reservation go to waste. Rich or not, you still had the decency to respect the effort that was put into getting a table at this place. 

"Felix, you can't be serious," you spluttered out, feeling a bit disoriented due to the situation. "I'm well aware of how much it costs to even be here, so we can't just leave!"

He only chuckles at your worry, making you widen your eyes even more. "Oh, yeah. I know that too. But to be honest, my date was the one who booked this place, it looks like their money was well spent though," he says, glancing back over at the table where your original date and his were, the two conversing naturally while dining. You purse your lips at the information. Okay, maybe that was a valid point. Plus, you really are craving pizza. 

Facing him, you divert your eyes in embarrassment. "I-I would also like pizza." 

Felix wouldn't say it out loud, but he found you really cute. Even more so right now, with you having that shy look on your face. He felt a strong urge to tease you and see more of that adorable expression, but he held himself back. One wrong move, and he'd end up being an asshole. Was it not normal to feel that way? You two have only met after all. But he felt it earlier—you were quite different than the other dates he's had. 

Despite being a very loving person, he wasn't one to believe in love at first sight. Yet, the moment he saw you standing all confused and flustered earlier, it immediately caught his full attention. It was as if fate wanted to bring you two together—and even though it sounds so cheesy, like something out of a romantic comedy, he found himself thinking that he could get on board with it. It wasn't even an hour since you met, and you were already creeping into his heart. It wasn't too fast, but just the right pace to know that something clicked. The feeling felt weird—who knew a stranger could have this much impact on you? He surely didn't. But maybe that was why he felt it a lot stronger than you did—not that he even knew what you thought of him.

Felix himself knows well that he was not a let-the-date-into-his-car kind of person on the first few dates (and most especially on the first date), but somehow he found himself breaking his own rule for the first time ever since getting a vehicle of his own. Not that he would leave his dates to get home on their own, of course—he would always politely offer to pay for their cab home. The idea of taking a (for the most part) random stranger somewhere in his car when it was just the two of them alone didn't sit right with him. Felix is well aware that he could've been seen as uninterested by some of the dates, but it wasn't like they were entirely wrong. He only went on blind dates anyway, so the chance of meeting someone who actually interested him enough to imagine a dating life was not that high in the first place.

Yet here you were, sitting awkwardly beside him on the passenger's seat. It wasn't like you weren't comfortable—okay, maybe you were a bit uncomfortable; but that was only because getting into the car of a person you just met about an hour or more ago was not something you planned for yourself tonight. Heck, none of this was on your list of expected events tonight. Firstly, you didn't even get to say a single word to the date your mom set you up on, and secondly, you scored yourself a completely different person! All you wanted was to stay in your bed the whole evening and mope like the hermit you are. 

Oh, if only Seungmin could see you right now. 

The rumbling sound of the car made itself present to your ears, effectively taking you out of your thoughts. "Let's go?" Felix asks you—the thoughtful gesture awakening butterflies in your stomach. What in the world is going on with you? This man was literally just doing the simplest things, and yet he already seemed to glow in your eyes. You're not falling, are you? You don't fall easily.

At least that's what you believed.

"Y/N?" He questioned, his voice mixed with a hint of concern. "I hope you're alright with all of this. Are you uncomfortable? Maybe I should've asked before we decided to take my car; I'm sorry—do you want to just walk there?" He panicked, which made you panic at his distress too.

"N-no! It's fine; I'm fine—are you fine?" Great, now you were both bundles of nerves. Felix wanted to kick himself for starting the situation. Where did all his earlier confidence go? That, he didn't know. Either way, he wished for it to come back and help him earn some points from you. You, on the other hand, were almost on the verge of collapsing from stress. "Let's just head there," you squeaked, to which Felix only nodded (a bit too quickly.)

"Sorry," Felix sighs, unable to look at you due to his focus on the road. "This is the first time I'm doing this, so I don't know what to do."

You tilted your head at him in confusion. "You mean a date?" He shook his head.

"Driving a date, I mean."

"Really now?" You exclaimed with interest. "I would've never guessed that! You look like the type of guy a lot of people are interested in. You're quite popular, aren't you?"

He chuckles in amusement at your words. "I don't think I'd use that word to describe me. I only do blind dates anyway. Unfortunately I haven't found my person from those ones," he says, glancing at you for a split second, "but maybe the wait was all worth it."

You couldn't help but huff at his act of flirting, rolling your eyes playfully. He got you there. You didn't think Felix would be this smooth, but seeing as he boldly set up a date with you earlier, maybe this was to be expected. "That was a good one, Mr. Lee." At your response, Felix's eyes shone with excitement. He did that a lot when he was happy, you thought mentally. You had to bite back a laugh at how fast he changed up—though you had to admit that was part of his charm.

It was safe to say that the rest of the date went very well. For such a spontaneous plan, you enjoyed it a lot more than you had thought you would. Plus, you found a new pizza place! You'd have to eat there again soon; everything on the menu seemed really good. Unfortunately, you didn't get to eat at the venue because it was full—something Felix panicked over once again. After a while of negotiating (because he wouldn't let it go), you two ended up having an impromptu picnic at a nearby park, enjoying the quiet surroundings that were dimly lit by the street lights. You had never experienced going on a picnic at night before, so this was going to be on the list of firsts you experienced today with Lee Felix—a guy that you didn't even know until a couple hours ago. 

It's crazy how fast someone can come into your life and already make unforgettable memories. In the short period of your date, the two of you learned a lot about each other. Whether both of you would be able to keep this up and progress or not, this was going to be a night you would remember for years to come. Who knows—maybe it would make an exciting old people tale to tell in the future?

"So hey," Felix starts nervously, stopping the car in front of your apartment complex. He pauses for a short second before exhaling and facing you with a determined gaze. "I'm not quite sure about how you feel, but I really enjoyed this date. Do you think we can go on more?" 

"Sure," you were unable to stop the wide smile from appearing on your face, very satisfied with the chance of a second date. "I'd like that."

"Oh, damn. I'm glad," he quickly relaxes before getting alarmed by something and snapping his head towards you again. "Wait, your parents are fine with you not meeting with that other guy right?"

You chuckled at his apprehensive form, entertained by his precaution. "I'm pretty sure my mom just wants me to find someone nice and go marry them."

"Marry? Hold on, that's for a later date," you felt your cheeks warm at the implication of his words, yet Felix keeps going. "But that's good. I thought there was a chance this was going to end up like some Romeo and Juliet thing where your parents get mad because you're supposed to marry the other guy."

"Felix, relax," you managed to comfort him through stifled laughter. "I'm not some high-status rich person, you know?"

After your short conversation to end the night, you enter the apartment complex with a huge smile pasted on your face. Lee Felix was an amazing guy, that's for sure; you still can't believe he wants a second date. You let out a quiet squeal of happiness, speed-walking towards your apartment to brag to your roommate. 

"Yeah, Romeo and Juliet is so overrated anyway."

mastertag 🏷️ : @h0neydewmoon @starzzns @lhskokoro @bookishcalls | let me know if you want to be added or removed^^

[songbirdblues]

theres much to be said about the woobification of tim drake as a character entirely in fanon, but one thing in particular that tends to irk me is the misinterpretation of this scene.

now, i generally dont have a problem with fanon interprets of events like this!!! in fact, im an avid fanfic reader and i can honestly say i dont mind when comic events get squashed or stretched out of proportion. people want angst and fluff, and hurt and comfort, and i can respect that a lot of dc fans get their info from fanon and dont bother/simply dont want to read comics because they lack those feel-good moments/that emotional depth that fanfics have. thats fine, thats none of my business, and thats perfectly valid!

...but i think it does get to a point where a comic is SO misinterpreted, like this one (or just this series in general, really), that it loses all that makes it good and interesting in the first place.

dick isn't a bad guy here. whether you think what he said was warranted or not, or if you think him saying that he thinks tim should seek help is insensitive or wrong, he's not some evil abusive guy who hates tim (tim literally calls him his brother in the scene???? in a positive context??)

i just see a lot of people think dick is some terrible villain for this event (and for the "firing and replacing tim just so damian can be robin for no reason" thing which is also a misinterpretation of what happened, but thats something else). when in reality dick himself is already struggling to keep his family from falling apart even more than it already has, has been forced to become batman, and has to raise this random, murderous kid that just popped into his life (i love damian but bro was giving dick gray hairs in his twenties in the beginning lol), all while dealing with the loss of his father for the second time in his life. on top of this, to him, his 16 year old brother is off doing god knows what across europe going on a wild goose chase looking for their (presumably) dead father and doesnt know what to do about it.

but despite all that, in tims eyes, dick massively messed up. we know he thinks this by what he says in the comic.

which leads me to my last point; tims own thoughts. this is a bit more of my opinion on tims character rather than objective fact so bear with me. tims internal monologue and emotional journey across red robin are why i think this series is so heavily (sorry to keep using this word) misinterpreted by fanon.

throughout the course of the story, tim is being forced to suffer with a grief that that he doesnt know how to deal with. like dick, this is the second father tim has lost. but the difference between them is that when tim experiences loss he... doesnt really know how to deal with it, like at all. he goes crazy when he loses someone close to him. at least dick can kinda sorta keep it together. after jack died and bruce tried to adopt him, tim literally hired a man to pretend to be his uncle to avoid it. when kon died, he tried to clone him 99 whole times with old luthor tech, (and later when damian died, tim hallucinated hugging him, or at the very least pretended to, which while a lot tamer than these other instances i still think it speaks to how deeply he feels these losses and how badly he handles it). i dont know the specifics of how he acted about other people hes lost like bart, stephanie, and his mom, but tim even says himself that part of the reason why he's doing all this is because of how many people he's lost, so it can be assumed he reacted harshly to their passing, too.

tim also admits, multiple times throughout red robin, that he knows he sounds/acts crazy, he admits that he goes farther than he ever went as robin when dealing with criminals and cases because as red robin he's now "tainted" and agrees with connor in a later issue that "red robin" is his punishment for himself.

so what i mean by all this is that, simply put, tim is an unreliable narrator. of course we as the readers feel angry at dick and cassie, tim himself is angry at them. he feels hurt and betrayed, and it could even be assumed at that point that he feels they abandoned him, and he thinks that they think hes crazy. he isolates himself from everyone, he feels unworthy of everything, and he "knows" hes lost it. "except for everything, im perfectly fine." is a quote he says, and there are plenty more like it in the series.

my point is that in tims eyes for the majority of his character arc as red robin, nearly everyone hes ever loved has either died or abandoned him, but as the audience we know thats not the case. cassie loves him, dick of course loves him, they just both made mistakes and hurt him, but that doesnt make either of them irredeemable or mean that they dont care about tim. tim himself, in that moment, just doesnt believe that, or doesnt even seem to consider that. he sees the bad, and blinded by his own grief and anger, doesnt see the good.

i just think a lot of people miss that, and just write dick off as borderline abusive or purposefully hurtful in red robin fanfics, because comics tend to get telephoned so much in the fandom that thats what people see him as, when it's not the case, which is how we got the "dick threatens to send tim to arkham" thing. (but thats just gonna happen i guess. did you know that in the actual jasons attack on titans tower comic jason wears his robin costume?? yeesh i'll have to stick with fanon on their interpretation of that whole thing. see its not bad all the time)

besides the idea of the whole arkham trope thing, theres still plenty of canon angst to pull from in red robin! you can write about how tim thinks hes losing it, ra's weird infatuation with tim and everything that comes with that, tim being forced to deal with losing robin, tims rocky relationship with tam fox, tims super rocky relationship with damian, any interaction between kon and tim, OH. the fact that at one point tim got kicked out of a tall building and accepted his death (only thinking about how bruce would be proud), only to be saved by dick last minute and then lying about knowing dick would save him (yeah right buddy) ((its issue #12)). theres also the idea of bruce and tim talking after tim finds him (canon bruce hug!!!). and theres more im forgetting for sure. all that to say theres plenty of ideas already there for the taking!!!!! red robin is a great comic filled with plenty of emotional moments.

moral of the story, dick isn't a terrible person, tim needs help but he isn't a little baby incapable of doing anything, and i believe writing them differently in the context of red robin (2009) is a disservice to their characters and their relationships with each other in the actual comic.

...but i mean, im not your dad. write what you want

[pespillo]

on some actual dhmis analysis i wanna say like the series along with the webseries has shown me like , the trio does have some specific fears that keep getting paralleled through the show to a point where its not like you can put one character in the same situation as the other because they obviously will react differently and i think thats a good evidence for a consistent characterization like:

Duck fears lost of Control, he is a very self centered guy and often because of his unrelenting individualism and vanity its what makes him realize theres something Wrong in the situation they are getting put in, he often hates getting told what to do or how he should do it IF its something that clearly doesnt really benefit him or please him enough, even when he gets semi-assimilated into being a good worker in Jobs it literally does not last long enough till he snaps outta it again.

Red Guy is scared of not Belonging anywhere, he tries very hard to find a sense of family but even at his most stoic he simply cant help being outcasted, he gets too giddy , he gets too ambitious, the only time he seems to have been fully assimilated is when hes put into a position of power where he is the one making "his own rules", but hes still a total pushover because he really just wants to be admired or appreciated, overall the whole enviroment hes in is so overstimulating to the senses that his only option is to act as the bored one.

Yellow Guy is interesting because its obvious hes terrified of being ALONE and isolated from any company, he can handle most situations as LONG as theres people around him guiding him in some sort of way, its so easy for him to be a cog in the machine as long as you warm him up to it, the thing is, i think Yellow Guy has a deep seething fear of getting Parent-ified , because this is a theme that already has shown up twice both in the Family episode and the Love episode and even you could say a bit of the Friendship ep as well in some way. Yellow guy gets horrified at a grub calling him his dad, hes obviously also traumatized of being forced into a cult like hetero marriage ritual, he gets forced into being a Mother figure in a family where the father seems like a small weird tiny guy baby thing (can easily represent a man child of a father), he regresses into his own headspace with a bunch of childhood figments when stressed out from dealing with that fucking worm, he regresses EVEN FURTHER when the parasite takes over his safe head space. Yellow guy was ONLY seemingly happy with a family life in an stable unchanging enviroment where he worked for 40 years in the same place rather than getting forced into the situation by a teacher character right on.

[i-like-omori]

so we know your opinion on kel and omori, but what do you think about arby? (aubrey) ps your art is so cool and good and i love the way you draw kel

i feel like i should like aubrey more, but i just dont

i find her living situation and the way she deals with trauma very relatable, being that i grew up in a shitty household, but something just doesnt connect with me

theres something wrong..

maybe its because she seems to have this, almost forced feeling relationship with sunny, that seems toxic and thrown in last minute as a "nonono the main character is straight and has a girlfriend" if any homophobe ever where to get upset. (probably not the reason but idk it feels like that to me)

or that she just feels so "this is the girl character, but we're not stereotyping because she's also a girlboss"

but i dont hate her, i respect her character alot, and i respect anyone who does like her, because she's a good character.. with headcannons, but base game-wise she seems underdeveloped

[starfruit-baby]

What is the difference between Leo Manfred and Gavin Reed in your opinion? Like, why do you think Leo is worthy of redemption and not Gavin?

I don't like Gavin, and I didn't like Leo either, but your posts are making me think

in retrospect, i guess 'redeemable' wasnt the right word and im sorry for using it, since technically, as far as canon is concerned, we never see concrete proof he truly sees androids as equals, much less regrets any harm done by his own hands and words. right now i think the word i could use would be "sympathetic", since what we CAN do is walk through his backstory, and connect the dots from his life to his current thinking, even if it doesn't necessarily excuse his actions, far from even. by now im gonna be talking from an utterly biased perspective so its not quite set in stone, im prone to fucking up what is or isnt canon or weighing in personal judgement from My preferences, so just a heads up, but going a little more into it:

like, putting yourself in his shoes, he was a child of a fling, and his rich father although comfortable enough to openly claim him, did not bother to visit him personally until he was a teenager, an already difficult phase for the average person, only to be met with scorn because by this time in his life, he found solace in the wrong crowd and vices. and from this point on trying to get closer to his father is useless because of something so difficult to change in yourself.

and then, once disabled, Carl gets a machine to help him around, which is normal at this point in time. but, as the game makes it seem at least, carls whole behaviour changes gradually, because he talks to markus, and this angry (at least as far as Leo is aware), pessimistic old man is caught smiling, because of this machine. he chats with it. and now, hes walking into his father guiding this thing into his fathers very passion. this, as far as Leo is concerned, common object, a household facility like a toaster, is getting lessoned proudly by his father, who loses all the shine in his eyes once he walks in, goes back to his sarcastic, bitter old tone, and will grow aggressive if you even speak ill of the thing. and, later on, Carl talks about his own son as if he's not there in the room, ordering around his toaster to deal with you as if to not get his hands dirty. dirty with You being in his way. his own blood.

now, again, does this excuse his behavior? nope. even in the belief that Markus is truly an unfeeling object, at the very last moment before Markus is forced to decide between obeying or not, he starts referring towards Markus as something that could be physically hurt, and emotionally provoked. where previously his mockery of Markus felt more about provoking his father, not addressing Markus directly, the time he decides to pick a fight with Markus he's talking TO him. hes speaking as if this theoretically unfeeling being could either fear or be angry at him (which turns out, he can), but its difficult to tell if hes under some sort of influence or not, or if this egging on is still in part more to dash back his frustrations at Carl in a less direct manner. his love for the old man stops him from wanting to lay a hand on him, but he knows with how clear the guy makes it he cares for this android, how he yells, itll still inflict Something to tear this thing apart.

now, i may be wrong here, and im real sorry if i sound like a douche for it, but i dont personally consider too much the actors headcanons as full canon, and Gavins background according to the game is really uh... unclear? i can understand how people get to the conclusion his workplace ambition is what makes him hate androids, hell do Anything to get to the top, but a lot of what people attribute as being the motivation behind it i find kinda... idk, circumstancial? im not saying improbable, but my post was more about how people latched on to him when theres way less explanation and even content to him than Leo does? my last guess is that people plain and simple found him sexier than Leo

from My perspective, the closest we get to a Leo redemption is if Carl dies, and he comes across Markus mourning his father as well. the first time i saw this i thought there would be a fight, that he would scream and yell that it was all Markus' fault, even when he knows it wasnt, how dare this fucking thing even show itself in a cemetary. but he just... looks on. in shock. what he deemed something slightly above a glorified toaster is there, when he shouldnt even be. the fruits of his fathers time invested in this android. in his bonding. this thing that shouldve been dismantled in a junkyard somewhere, completely useless, now overwhelming the news talking about civil rights. and this is where he gets it. this thing understands the concept of grief, its clearly feeling it. Markus looks sad. a cold and calculating machine would understand theres no point in visiting a stone with some decaying corpse underneath it, death is final. wouldnt bother making the time to visit this unremarkable place while its on the brink of raging a war. but it did. the same as he was about to do. fucked up

on an alternate where Carl survives, most of what Leo says goes more towards the favor of his father than mentioning the android. we dont know if he knows anything of what happened with Markus at all, so its hard to draw a conclusion, but the game certainly feeds some hope that after this horrible event they can mend back. he promises to do what he can to get rid of what, as far as he knows, is what truly keeps Carl from loving him. no more ugly addiction. who knows, maybe theres a chance for growth. maybe if he really wants to, Leo could give in to seeing Markus as something equal, if thats what would make his dad not hate him.

and, with Gavin... he either leaves on a corny joke, beats up Connor, or gets beaten up. which i certainly see the appeal of, but definitely doesnt scream "no longer sci-fi racist"/"only mildly, acceptably sci-fi racist" to me, but to each their own

[amysterywrappedinanenigma]

Mysterious Benedict Society season 2 episode 5 liveblog!

 I don’t usually liveblog but the energy needed to go somewhere. There were a couple scenes I completely forgot to write things down during, oops. This is vaguely separated by scene. Vaguely. Spoilers below the cut.

- Sticky :( :( :( don’t feel bad it could have happened to anyone :(

- See at least someone knows we don’t trust the cops.

- THE WAY I ABSOLUTELY SCREAMED OUT LOUD. MARTINAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

- I screamed when it went to the court and screamed LOUDER when it showed her.

- Ummm how dare you keep her on the bench, don’t you know who she is 😡

- Her little smile when she picks up the phone and hears Kate 🥺🥺🥺 She looks so hopeful and happy 🥺🥺 Also I love her new hair!!!

- THE SCREAM I SCRUMPT ONCE AGAIN. MY FAVORITE WOMAN IN STEM I LOVE HWR SO MUCH.

- The way seeing both Martina and Garrison for the first time this season knocked me out, it’s like I was hit by 2 trucks in less than 45 seconds of television but in a positive way.

- We paused at the 3:32 timestamp just to freak out about Dr Garrison and Martina. We’ve been paused talking about them for 20 minutes, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

- YEAH THERES MORE THAN ONE ARMCHAIR NEUROSCIENTIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Except this one actually has a degree ❤️❤️❤️

- Milligan recognizing the element!!! We love his chemist background being remembered!!

- “Split the party” awwww Milligan

- [affronted] “I did the research” I adore her she’s an icon she can do no wrong ❤️

- “Optimal size to stuff down your windpipe” Flashback to Constance’s “she will be weak from lack of sunlight, easy to neutralize” from last season. Let’s see how it goes in practice. No sunlight in a weird basement cave.

- Ooh is Garrison gonna end up coming to help with the happiness side effects? She mentioned something about there being dangerous side effects to the happiness thing, so maybe.

- Ma’am what’s in the jars. Are you making your own candles. Have you taken up jam making? Are they organs?

- Oh she’s. So close to a breakdown

- Lgbt stands for Let Garrison Bite Throats

- It makes sense that the tetherball team was staked out in Stonetown in the car that we saw, since Garrison was after Constance specifically and could easily have found out that she was living at the Benedict house. She wouldn’t have even needed to know about the reunion

- Oh she’s SO stressed

- “I eat bears” Constance ily

- She built the brain sweeper better on her own in her little basement with probably limited supplies and very little help!!!! She’s amazing!!!! Good for her!!! I feel like that’s supposed to be threatening but science crimes are okay when she does them ❤️

- She’s pathetic (affectionate)

- His. Shirt. Is. The. Stupidest. Thing. I’ve. Ever. Seen. The buttons and then the zipper????? The weird sleeves??? And patterns? Hatred. Need to bully him.

- “I’ve been expecting you” I hate him. How many hours/days was he forcing the chef to stay in that room waiting for number two to come through the doors 

- Manipulation food AGAIN.

- Ew that bite he took made my skin crawl.

- I have strong feelings on “Nicholas is happy now. Isn’t that all that matters?” and “I’m sorry that bothers you” and “I think my brother is smart enough to decide that for himself” but that’s for another time

- “I’m not hungry” AAAAAAA

- You’re not allowed to say she’s in a great deal of pain, you’re not a therapist, you’re probably not even a real doctor

- OHHHHHHHH NARCOLEPSY MENTION OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

- Garrison and curtain are both just barely hanging on!!!!!!!!! (But when she does it it’s iconic and relatable actually)

- Kate and Martina reunion time!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Martina ily you deserve so much more success than the world has given you. 😞 no college and not enough tetherball I feel bad for her

- Good for you!!!! Worst mistake you ever made!!!!!!!!!!! Absolutely roast curtain bc he deserves it!!!!!!!

- “Subconsciously looking for confrontation” what a queen.

- “If they can’t appreciate what I bring, maybe they don’t get a van” she sounds SO petty and she absolutely knows it

- Oh that’s the pie guy right?? 

- What the fuck uhhhh I don’t like the kid also doing it.

- “Spread the joy of our work from person to person, village to villaige…. no one will be left out of our loving, loving family” That’s giving forced religion in a really really gross way.

- J&J really just ZOOOOOOOMED in and I loved it. Favorite weirdos.

- Mmhmm sure you’re just undercover Mr B. Uh huh.

- Number two’s fake smile at curtain, please let her attack him.

- The fact that Curtain hasn’t noticed that THIS many people have gone missing is very telling

- “An endless chasm of sheer terror” “Or a void, utter nothingness” “Ohhh” how does my love for them just continue to grow each episode. J&J stan blog.

- All the homies hate Marlon

- Oh touching your neck, Marlon?? Hmmm wonder what THAT COULD MEAN? 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

- “Any financial stress- WHICH THERE IS NONE”

- “Being out from under that man’s oppressive thumb is priceless” yeah it is, go queen

- Pay your mercenaries when you get a chance tho

- Martina saying comrade lmaooooo

- “The asset????” “🙄yes🙄the🙄asset🙄”

- “I guess it’s a good point” yes agree with your girlfriend Kate

- Awwww Sticky Kate lil shoulder bump

- “You say fail, I hear try again.” Good job positive thinking, whisperer! I feel like you could give Garrison some therapy maybe. She’s 3 seconds away from a breakdown at any given point (and I love her for it obviously), she’s so stressed

- I’ll say it again, science crimes are okay when she does them actually

- Old fashioned way????? You’re very unhinged but I support it

- Sticky no we don’t go to the cops

- Therapy time!!!!!!!! Rorschach???

- Oh not Rorschach

- Being absolutely ROASTED by Constance

- “FEMALE CHILD” I’m crying

- “My life is fine!!” Yeah say it again maybe you’ll believe yourself next time

- “You have no idea what you’re talking about” hurt my heart, she sounded like she was about to cry

- Dr Garrison I love you so much get some therapy, and some grant funding

- CONSTANCE. SHES ALREADY STRESSED ENOUGH

- Miss Perumal gets a first name!!!!!!!!

- OOP, GREYS

- Not the clothes not the clothes not the clothes.

- “They almost always are” when talking about her plans, why did that hurt me

- Kidnap the kidnapper!!!!!!!

- Number two have you escaped a cult before because it’s really sounding like it.

- Oh nooooooooo. :) I’m so sad that it happened to Marlon…… I definitely didn’t want to cheer……. :) And haven’t been hoping for this for 2 episodes…….. :) That’s terribleeeeee………….. :) :) :)

- It’s what he deserves

- Can the alpaca eat him

- THEM WALKING IN TO DR GARRISON’s SOBBING ECHOING THROUGH THE HALLS

- This is straddling the line between pep talk and psychological warfare, love you Constance, get her to improve her life by any means necessary

- Can one single person please wholeheartedly support Garrison? I think it would do wonders for her mental health and well-being

- Aww the headdesk, she’s having a real bad day

- “I am PERFECTLY FINE” hm, relatable

I’m mad the episode was less than 30 minutes 😡😡😡😡😡 but it’s been my favorite episode so far! 

[bunnypopgal]

Morality Bites

Since my last post ive been having to deal with of course more flashbacks with panic attacks that last longer than i think should be possible in humans. Most of the flashbacks are from back when i was in high school. i had to deal with a lot of homophobia and just a lot of overall bullying from my dear classmates.

Like when i would ask one of my nice classmates to tell me more about his old tech collection my other classmates ran around telling each other that i was bullying him and calling him names. Every time he would stand up to them when they tried to "comfort" him (they just wanted to talk shit about me to anyone). That was super out of his comfort zone and im still very grateful for both him telling me what was going on and him standing up for honestly the both of us. This kinda thing would happen a lot and i mean a lot. So much so that even the super quiet kids in school began to openly insult me about things i would never do. Then i would go home and get treated the same by my biological mother. I hate being "back" in that place in my life. No matter how much i would stand up for myself everything would be twisted against me over and over again so much that people would often just assume most if not all those things about me had to be the real truth. To be fair i think it didnt help i never explained my morals set fully. i never thought to at the time and now im not sure if it wouldve even changed anything at all. Everything i believe in my moral set is pretty understandable but im not sure how it looks to others looking back. my moral set is mine tho. i never would force ANYONE to adhere to it just because they dont live the same way but i would tell them i disapprove, why and that if we dont see eye to eye on this THATS FINE(depending) BUUUT that also meanings i would rather not be close/friends anymore and just be more polite acquaintances(now that im adult i can tell people to fuck off nowadays! yahoo!!)

heres the large bulk of my moral set:

i am against discrimination based on sexuality, gender, ethnicity, heritage, and non-hateful religious followers. 

i am against child abuse, child neglect, DV, SA and theres NO excuse for any of it. Monsters who do these acts are monsters and theres no going back from that.

i am against cruelty, excessive) selfishness + selflessness(these things must be in a good balance), bullying, cheating, lying (unless its a life or death situation), people refusing self-improvement/growth, being disingenuous/fake.

Kindness is a gift. Be kind, be understanding but be rational because there will always be people who want to abuse others' kindness.Its a gift you have to give to YOURSELF first so that you will also have enough to be able to share with others. Being kind includes setting appropriate boundaries, being assertive and clear, letting yourself BE HUMAN.

If you see a chance to help someone no matter how small it may seem at first it DOES matter. 

When you make a mistake you do your best to right your wrong because youre yourself during your best and your worst times so make sure you can be proud of yourself even in the worst times. Mistakes are opportunities to grow and learn- take them!!! 

Life is short but also long- keeping/finding good mental health is a must, being able to be yourself is a must- never live a lie, you want something you work for it- passion is a wonderful tool, surround yourself with like-minded people but don't be afraid to be open to others- you may learn something new!

im only 23 rn but i feel ive learned a lot in my lifetime and im also know i have so much more ahead of me. i know some of these maybe hard for other people and it may feel lonely at times but for me thats okie. i dont preach or force these things on other people, mind you. i believe if someone truly wants to change, grow into living with this kinda moral set and sticking to it they need to find their reasons themselves. we're all on our own journeys.

Anyways most of my life i have found everyone around me has often just expected the worst of me in every situation and treated me as if i am evil in human form no matter what was proven. i dont live to make others like me so i do my best to stand up for myself but if they dont believe me or not care enough to think of me even neutrally now- thats fine with me. i just dont want to be treated poorly. i will never understand excessive cruelty that has been done to me. i dont know what they tell themselves at night to justify it all. it makes me feel scared since i feel like if any of them got the chance to be cruel to me once again none of them would flinch to do so. i understand i maybe cringe and annoying but i like myself, who i am and who i am always working on growing to be. im not gonna change for people who dont care about me as even a fellow human. i just wish and hope they ever hear or see my name or face anywhere its because my comic im currently working on made it big!

Before i close this post off i would like to say i understand my demeanour and overall hopefulness maybe seen like just plain ol' naivety and ill be honest maybe it is but i am passionate and i am determined to never give up, to use this life for all its got and do my part to make the world even just a little kinder. If that makes me seem stupid to you then i wonder what does "stupid" even mean to you.

"There's a difference only you can make." - Barbie in The 12 Dancing Princesses

[goodmorningdove]

eyy tell us about the book you fuckin hate! i would love to hear about it!

Ok so its called atlantis grail and right off the bat it breaks 2 of my big rules when writing a story: 1 the main character is an ugh im different because i read books character (it gets so much worse too) and 2: there is a utopia world (atlantis)

The general plot of the book is that earth is about to be destroyed and the atlanteans have come back to earth (they used to live on earth but they left) to collect like 2000 15-24 year olds or something like that. So all people in that age range are put through these tests so that only The Best make it to atlantis (are you getting eugenics vibes from this? Because i am!) I remember there was a wheelchair kid but i don't remember what happened to them. They probably got rejected on account of. Wheelchair. Im not fucking joking. These kids are basically being trained to be warriors.

Warriors who can sing because all atlantean tech is song based? Shenanigans had happened and main character was about to get expelled but like as shes being brought to the office a thing falls on her and the person taking her to the office and mc SCREAMS but its like singing and she has like a special singing voice that makes her extra good? So they cant expel her??? This came out of nowhere no one in her family was a singer iirc and because all the other people with the special singing voice are dead so shes just like adored by everyone now. Fucking plot convinence powers is what she got. Its unclear if her siblings also have the special singing power. That should not be unclear. She's already got a "im better than everyone here because i read" and now she's all "im better than everyone here because i read and have special singing powers and dont care about said singing powers" like girlie shut the fuck upppp!!!!(Theres also this like. 4 sector thing that everyone is divided into. And she and her sibling are all in the same sector which isnt a crime but it is very boring because like. I wanna know what the other sectors are doing?)

Also, atlantis fucking sucks? I dont know a lot about it because i gave up on the books before i got there but apparently they have poor areas? Which is like. Ok so its not a utopia. "Um aktshually it issss those people could be rich if they tried" SHUT THE FUCK UP. what really reaaaaally gets me is that they 3d print all their meat so they dont have to kill any animals. I didnt ask if they 3d printed other foods as well because thats just. Thats just easier. I was too busy being weirded out by the notion that we should separate ourselves from the food we consume. You think you are better than a snake or a bear? You think you are better than an owl? For shame. For shame. "Not everyone eats meat" yeah yeah lol the poor people who live on the coasts eat seafood which like. Not what would happen in real life? The rich would be enamoured by the idea of eating meat straight from the source so they would force the poor people to fish and hunt for them while they fed those same poor people off brand 3d printed meat slop.

Anyway i was willing to deal with all that but the straw that broke the camels back was when she introduced a shy lesbian character who rarely spoke but then had 1 interaction with THE MAIN BULLY GIRL and said "damn she has a nice rack" and i went OH OK you dont understand shit and youre not willing to change your ideas. If you think A SHY LESBIAN would act like a dudebro in front of friends she just met, about a girl who was just an asshole to all of them. She Would Not Fucking Say That. Shut the fuck up author lady. (In essence it appears as though she thinks all attraction to women is the same, all consuming, sexual, abrasive, and wrong. Compare this to how our main character feels when she crushes on a guywhich makes her go from "ugh im better than you all" to "owo omigosh hes so hawt do u think he noticed me???" Shut the fuck up)

So yeah this is a steaming hot DO NOT RECCOMEND from me bestie :)

[julibeeline]

So this is my first request here and I'm kinda nervous, also english is not my first language, so I'm sorry for any mistake.

So, crew boys realizing they are in love with you, and they don't really not how to deal with that, so they try to avoid you until you ask they if they are angry or something? I'm trying to be specific but I don't really know how to explain it.

Thanks u very much ❤️

crew boys realizing they love you

a/n: i changed I few of them so they don’t get too repetitive, thanks for the request :) enjoy <33

masterlist

DREAM

dream first found out that he loved you when you were staying over for his face reveal stream.

you would reassure him that it would be okay, that it was all worth doing

he noticed the gentle look in your eyes when you made him feel better, forehead kisses when he was struggling to keep his nerves down

on the day of the face reveal, you were touching up his hair as he looked up at you

the focused look on your face as you tried to make this moment special for him made his heart swell with love.

“you nervous?” you ask him, eyes fixed on his hair.

“clay?” you say, being met with his silence

“i-im w-what? sorry?” he stammers, embarrassed.

“dont worry, im sure it’ll go just fine” you smile, rubbing his shoulder up and down.

as the stream started, you held his hand under the table; just out of frame.

no matter how important his face reveal was, the only think he could think about was you.

he was nervous, nervous about being in love with you though, not anything else

this was his big moment; why now?

as the stream came to an end, he quickly rushed to his room leaving you confused and worried.

“i think im in love with y/n.” he tells sapnap, watching his eyes go wide.

“y/n? like our y/n? the one whos in this house right now y/n?” sapnap says.

“yes that y/n, oh my god this is not good” dream whispers, running his hands through his hair in a panic.

“chill out dude its gonna be fine” sapnap says, standing up from his bed.

as the next few days past, dream used everything in him to avoid you.

he would give you short replies, and that is if they were extrememly necessary.

a quick “thank you” when you would hand him coffee, or a “goodnight” after being silent the whole day.

and by the 3rd day, you got so annoyed that you just had to let it all out.

“clay can you sit down for a second?” “sorry, i have to go d-“ “sit down, clay.”

he sat down nervously, faultering under your gaze

“why have you been ignoring me? like out of the blue you just- you just decide you hate me? is this because of the face reveal stream? what did i do wrong-” “you didnt do anything wrong, y/n. im in love with you.”

“what?” “can i kiss you?”

SAPNAP

sapnap first found out that he was in love with you the day karl started talking to you.

he couldnt help but clench his jaw, force his eyes away when you wrapped your arms around karl’s neck, giving him a tight hug

and the whole day he would subconsiously keep his hands on you

holding your waist when walking, shoulders when sitting, hands when you were talking to karl

“oh my god could you please let me go for one second i need to go to the bathroom” you finally say, fustrated

“what? oh sorry” he immediately pulled his hands away, for fucks sake, he wasnt even aware he was pulling at you everytime you took a step away from him

when you came back from the bathroom, his hands unknowingly reached out to hold you again, wrapping tightly around your shoulder

“whats up with you today? why’re you acting like this?” you ask, furrowing your eyebrows

“nothings wrong, y/n. just making sure i dont loose you, theres a lot of people here…includng karl” he mumbled the last part so quietly that you almost couldnt catch it

“karl?” you question, looking up at him

“what? no i didnt say anything.” sapnap replies, pulling you into another side of the room

“why arent you letting me talk to karl? you knew how i excited i was to meet him for the first time”

“jesus y/n, im not. im just making sure that youre safe, youve never even been to his place before.”

“i dont need you dragging me around like a puppy, i can handle myself. i just want to enjoy my time with karl”

“okay then fine! just leave me for karl.” he throws his hands up in the air, letting go of yours.

you turned to leave the room in irritation, letting out a sigh. why was he being so dramatic about this?

“i love you.” you hear from behind.

GEORGE

george first found out that he loved you when you had your first sleepover with him

from the moment you arrived at his house until when you fell asleep in his bed, he was getting used to a feeling that he had never felt for you before

at first he thought that it was the nerves, he had never spent the night with you and obviously he was bound to feel some kind of worry

but as time went by, he caught himself staring at you when you werent looking

like for example, he looked at the way your eyes would widen for a second when you found the lego piece you were looking for, or how the corners of your lips would curl up when you heard dream screaming something so loud through george’s headphones that you could hear him without them.

when he realized why he was feeling this way, he felt scared. there were so many things that came with being in love.

rejection, commitment, love, itself. like who even invited them!

you noticed how he had gotten quiet over the past few hours, not saying a word to you as a movie played in the background

“you all good george?” you ask, worried.

“yeah yeah im good.” he replies, not even looking towards your direction.

“you sure?”

“yes y/n, stop pushing it.” he spits out, coming out harsher than he intended

his gaze faultered as your face fell, looking down at your hands in embarrassment.

the awkward silence continued for a while, maybe too long even.

he would steal glances your way every once in a while, or reach his hands out for yours before retracting them the second after.

by the time george had thought of what to say, you’d fallen asleep next to him

his eyes softened as he looked over at you

grabbing a blanket, he gently placed it on you, making sure to cover your body

“i love you, y/n. hell, im in love with you.”

KARL

karl found out that he was in love with you when he first saw you.

you were working at a candle store, an apron on, welcoming customers that stopped by

as he saw your smile through the glass window, his feet dragged him into the store

you showed him around, laughing at his jokes that he himself knew were terrible.

he asked questions about each candle, only to spend more time with you

and as he said goodbye with 5 candles in hand, you gave him a wave off like every other customer

from that day on he frequently stopped by, checking if you were around.

and when you werent there in all of the times that he went, he grew fustrated

he probably meant nothing to you, just another customer that wanted to smell the candles that youve already shown 20 times today.

as he got impatient as the days passed, but he gave it one last try

and oh my god you were there!

his eyes lit up the moment he saw you from across the street, dusting some stupid shelf with the stupid smile of yours.

he walked in the store, going straight to you

“remember me?” he asked in a hurry.

“of course karl, how could i forget?” you welcome, giving him a warm side hug

“can i have your number? ive lost you too many times already”

and now you guys are dating, the “i love you’s” have been passed back and forth far too many times to count.

QUACKITY

quackity first found out that he was in love with you the day he saw you translating his spanish streams.

his eyes formed hearts as he snuck up behind you, looking at all the sentences you’d translated already

“what’re you doin?” he asks, giving you a kiss on the head

“jus’ translating your stream. i wanna know what youre saying” you reply, smiling to yourself

and as if he couldnt fall more, this made his heart beat out of his chest

“i can just tell you, you know?” he giggles.

“i prefer to to it myself, makes me feel proud” you answer, not looking up at him once.

he turned around for a second, looking up at the ceiling, scrunching his face up in adoration 

“god y/n i love you” he slips out.

“what?” you turn around wide eyed, looking up at him in surprise.

“oh shit-”

“i love you too.”

[hellogoodbye14]

Wow okay so some folks on tumblr definitely don’t know how to use their tags and I’m kind of sick of seeing Rhys and Feyre slander going around.

Most of you already know that I adore the ACOTAR universe and the characters within it, I love the complexity behind each character. I love Nesta’s complexity too but her character is perhaps not in my top list. But do I go out of my way to throw hate? Nope. If i do, I.use.my.tags.properly.

So now that you’ve unleashed me, I will be debunking all your claims about Nesta being amazing and your slander against the iconic Rhys and Feyre. Be warned. 🙃🙃🙃

1. Nesta’s journey makes no sense whatsoever. This woman gave no explanation as to WHY she treated one of her sisters like utter fucking crap. If anything, her journey demonstrates that she kept competing with a sister who was starving and who was neglected. SJM offered no real reason or background as to why Nesta made the decisions she did and Im fucking sorry but this is not your typical sibling rivalry . This was pure god damn jealousy and disdain for a sibling that did them no harm. Don’t sugarcoat something SO TOXIC.

2. LMFAO on y’all hating Feyre taking control and taking Nesta away from a toxic environment. I have a brother who faced addiction and let me tell you I had to make some VERY difficult choices, one of which was forcing him out of situation he was in. Did he hate me at the time? Sure. Is he now healthy, happy and successful? Absolutely. Does he now tell me every now and then that he’s glad I did what I did? You know it. I did what I had to do for my brothers fucking wellbeing. FEYRE DID THE SAME GOD DAMN THING. If there is one thing SJM got right in ACOSF, it was definitely this.

Comparing her to TAMLIN? Hahahahahahahahahhaahah what.a.joke. Tamlin literally emotionally/physically abused Feyre and trapped her. What did Feyre do? Get Nesta out of an enabling environment, made sure she was in a safe space and still had her own choices (apart from her addictive choices for her health), Feyre tried showing her a healthier lifestyle to make sure Nesta wouldn’t spiral and kill herself with the trauma she had. Feyre fucking saved Nesta. AGAIN AND AGAIN. And you have the AUDACITY to hate on this queen. Y’all’s favourite wouldn’t even be alive and thriving if it wasn’t for Feyre. YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY to compare Feyre to Tamlin? Hahahah theres no similarity at all but you know who is similar to Tamlin in some aspects? Nesta. Just like Tamlin, Nesta repeatedly emotionally abused her little sister…. And yet again we had no reason for her behaviour.

2. The Rhys slander? Lmfao. Okay so you’re telling me that if you saw your significant others sibling constantly abuse and belittle them, you wouldn’t hate them? Especially when your significant other has done LITERALLY NOTHING TO THEM. His hate is justified but even with his despise, this ICONIC MAN still made sure Nesta had everything, had every resource. This man handed out an olive branch everytime and Nesta burned it to crisp for no reason. This man did all that because he loves his significant other and cares for her family as his own and you have the sheer audacity to hate on him as well. What a joke.

3. Lastly, I have had it with people invalidating Rhys’s fucking trauma. You can acknowledge Nesta’s but you can’t do the same for Rhys huh? Ive seen posts COMPARE traumas which is sickening and I wouldn’t do that but what I will do is highlight for some folks what Rhys went through and what they MUST FUCKING ACKNOWLEDGE. This man faced the problem of harnessing a power no one has ever seen and control it, this man trusted the wrong man and then saw his baby sister and his mother die in agony, this man was sexually abused FOR YEARS, this man was away from his loved ones for years, this man had to see his mate die then see her come back to life and die slowly again at the hands of the same man who killed his family, this man died to save EVERYONE, this man had to see his wife and child almost die and you STILL INVALIDATE HIS GOD DAMN TRAUMA LIKE ITS NO BIG DEAL.

I have honestly tried my best to keep my blog wholesome but I needed to get this out because holy hell its been enough!

Peace out and oh yeah…. FEYSAND SUPERIORITY

[sameteeth]

kiSing 2 movie thoughts!!! finally got around to watching it on netflix and immediately got to Thinking. thank u chase matoitech for wanting to hear my thoughts lol

readmore bc it’s probably gnna be long, am gnna try to chunk it out into paragraphs for ease of reading

i was honestly surprised they went with a sequel! the first movie wrapped up pretty damn well and i think it’s more indicative of the movie industry’s need for more profit that they made a second one.

buster always kinda annoyed me - he’s not someone i would like to be around, he’s pushy and always endangers other people for his own reasons. he takes suki’s dislike of them to be a very personal thing, and while i think what they did in the end was cool, i also think it was buster’s need to prove suki wrong and make himself even more well known than he already was.

i do like that he and nana settle into an amicable relationship tho!! she was always one of my fav designs and her outfits r always so cool

they don’t bring back eddie or mike, which i wasn’t surprised about for mike but i figured eddie would at least show up once or twice??

the meat of the movie is in the prep and final execution of the show ofc, and they pepper in PLENTY of conflict, side characters, and tension to keep things interesting. buster has conflict with jimmy crystal, suki, rosita, clay calloway, even johnny tbh!! not to mention other characters. ill mainly stick to the actual singers, bc i prefer those characters

not a super big fan of johnny having a cockney accent + dad being a criminal + unable to dance “properly” but idk. that fucking monkey was a bitch tho i hated him. klaus kicknklober or whatever. him meeting nooshy (???) and being able to actually learn to dance how he wanted to was cool, bc unlike rosita and gunter, johnny doesn’t dance/learn to dance in the first movie, so the continuity was a nice touch. i also liked that they just let nooshy and johnny be buds and didn’t try to force a romance or something stupid like that. however that might be a weird kid’s movie species thing where they only match up pairs of animals that are the same species.

also. the tiger johnny had to do the fight dance scene with ? totally into him.

rosita being a hard working mother and also having a career and having her main role taken by porsha was a shit move on buster’s part. like i get that he had to appease jimmy crystal but like jesus. way to spit in rosita’s face. esp dressing her in the GREEN costume and having porsha “defeat” her, like damn. that was HARSH. esp since buster wrote that role into the play (performance?) JUST FOR ROSITA. like damn. and her crying in the hotel bathroom and having to ask her husband for space made me sad. she’s just trying to keep everything afloat :( i did like that although rosita was upset she wasn’t ever petty to porsha, though i dont think they interacted enough for it to even be possible.

SPEAKING OF PORSHA. dude she definitely has daddy issues. they barely brush on it but the way he treats her is so bad, it’s not like the typical dad who dotes on and infantilizes daughter regardless of how much she cries, jimmy crystal got sick of shit REAL quick with her as soon as it interfered with his image and immediately dropped her. like yeah obviously stupid spoiled teenager but also she is a kid. idk if they have canon ages beyond teenager and adult tbh. i wish they had fleshed out her and her dads relationship a bit more too - obviously theres teenage rebellion there and jimmy crystal has clear issues with “being humiliated“ and all that and he’s so concerned w that he throws his daughter under the bus. also what happened to her mom?????

meena having to deal with that yak made me pissed off too, buster clearly STILL doesn’t know what kind of person meena is and who she would be comfortable singing with, but i guess they wrote out the kiss so that makes it better. i like that alfonso is like smooth with the moves and meena runs into the glass door with the ice cream. and that the orangutang coworker of alfonso’s is clearly rooting for them (watched meena get ice cream 4 times trying to talk to him and nudges alfonso to talk to her during the show) i did like that her romance wasn’t super in ur face and her challenge wasn’t stage fright again but this time just a teenager problem. i feel like porsha and meena couldve had a moment together where they meet in the middle and learn something from the other (confidence and maturity for meena and porsha respectively)

ms crawley was an absolute champ in this movie i love her so much. queen of getting shit done and also her visor is so cute ^_^ i felt so bad when she got paintballed. she also has great music taste

ASH AND CALLOWAY BOTHERED ME SO MUCH !!!!!!!!!!!!! ash being a solo artist was awesome and totally in character and even her being a calloway fan makes sense kinda ? but there was no moment in the movie where i felt like they had a genuine connection or moment of realization. ash just bugged him when he was very literally setting a boundary (electric fence ??? paintballs ??? firecrackres???? ALL THE SIGNS ????) and pushed him to perform again bc buster made an empty promise he had to badger some old man into agreeing to to fulfill. yeah ash plays him a song but like. her knowing his wife died and was his muse didn’t feel very emotional or give her a leg up over anyone else who knew who he was. she just was there and then calloway changed his mind. i also didnt understand the tea scene, whether or not there was significance to that or not. if i were to flesh out their characters more i would build a father daughter relationship between them tho, i feel like that would be cool. but it just felt like ash was forcing calloway to deal with things just so they could use his name for something instead of actually wanting to play w him for musical reasons. he didnt do anything particularly special in the performance except show up. idk he looked cool tho but i felt like they forgot to animate his tail ?? or it was placed weird on his back? i liked the white mane tho

they also just fucking fridged his wife which is bullshit. it makes sense story wise but also they could have easily made it something else. and then bc we aren’t given much mroe detail than “she was his muse she died of an illness (unidentified but we know it was bad bc she was in a wheelchair)” we have no way of connected with his story or empathizing with him about her death. it’s literally just “she died :(”. just seems like a cop out and a sexist one at that. then when she comes back spiritually so he can overcome his grief and perform it felt so hollow and contrived, there was nothing really emotionally charged about that scene. idk it just was lame.

also. for a kids movie i was surprised they showed buster almost getting killed and made that as explicit as they did ????? like damn.

johnny being able to call his dad and their ex-gang (just 2 other guys rlly) as protection was kinda cute tho, im glad their relationship got all worked out and stuff.

klaus literally trying to humiliate johnny in front of the entire crowd was a little scary too. i wasnt expecting such an in-your-face confrontation like that, but i like that it gave johnny a chance to freestyle and that the other dancers recognized that the teacher was being unfair to johnny and joined in with nooshy’s drumming. sky full of stars is also just a great song, i rlly love it!!

overall, an ok movie. i think they had wayyy too much going on to give each story the time it needed to reach their full potential, but the songs were good and i had fun watching it! which is rlly all that matters i guess. just wish they could spend mroe time fleshing out characters and stuff but when your cast gets that big your story becomes very plot driven very quickly and you stop being able to give everyone a fair chance on character development and stuff.

[literaila]

this little secret of mine

spencer reid x reader

request: Can I request a fic Reid x Reader where the reader has a chronic illness (Im having a flare up an I'm emotional, and having surgery Friday lol) and just kinda anything you feel around that, that the first conversation about it, insecurity whatever you feel, I love angst as well so feel free to load it with that x 

a/n: i’m so sorry if there is any incorrect information. i tried to do my very best with research, but i will admit it might not be as accurate as it seems. if theres anything that needs to be changed just let me know.

warning: mentions of blood, needles, fainting, chronic pain, drugs, shit writing, a little angsty, and fighting

It was supposed to be a secret. 

She hadn't mentioned anything during her interview. 

And she still hadn't. 

Because it was meant to be a secret, one that none of them had to find out about. It was just supposed to be a secret. 

But when everything in your body was aching with every breath, with every blink you made, when you felt like you were on fire at just the thought of standing up, of just getting up, when that was happening, secrets were hard to keep. 

That didn't mean Y/N said anything. 

She felt extremely exhausted. Like fatigue was a stalker following her, refusing to leave her side at any given moment. 

There was no prison you could lock fatigue in. 

Sometimes, she could barely keep her eyes open, could barely think enough to remember to breathe. Sometimes, it was too much. 

She never said anything. 

But there were signs, little things she always did when it was worse when the pain was so unbelievably intense, there were little things she just couldn't keep hidden. 

Like the headaches, the constant medication she was taking for them, the moments where she felt like her head was going to break open because of the stabbing pain hidden behind her eyes. There was the slow way she always got up, the wince on her face when she moved, the slow and deliberate movements she couldn't go without. There was the pain that seemed to last for hours after she simply knocked her knee against her desk. 

And those were just the things she couldn't keep a secret. The signs that didn't go unnoticed. 

Everyone else always seemed to notice. 

There were constant questions of “are you okay?” that came her way and made her wonder if one of them knew if one of them had finally found out, the constant questions that always turned out to be false alarms. 

Sometimes one of them looked at her weird, sometimes she noticed the extra confusion in their gazes when they watched her stand up, or noticed her taking pain medication for the third time that day. 

She was very fortunate all of them seemed to understand that she didn't want to talk about it. She was very lucky that she had such great friends. 

She was very lucky no one knew. 

No one knew. 

It was only getting harder. 

As Y/N felt her joints getting stiffer, felt her headaches become longer, felt the fatigue weighing her down, as she felt her body start to collapse under itself, she knew that the secret would have to end. 

But she didn't want it to. It wasn't fair that she couldn't have this one thing, that she had to deal with this every day. 

It wasn't fair. 

It wasn't fair that she had to hide behind a brave face. 

It wasn't fair that she had to cancel. 

She had to cancel. 

It had been two years. Two insane years of no one knowing, of no one saying anything about the pain that rattled her body, it had been two years with the team, two years getting to know them, two years and she had gotten so close to all of them. 

It had been two years with Spencer. 

They were having their first date. 

They were having their first date.

He had asked her out on a date. 

After two years. Two years of looking across the room for him, of wrapping her arms around his neck when he was sitting at his desk, two years of being surprised by every magic trick he’d pulled out to impress her, two years of getting him coffee and a sweet, two years of sitting next to him on the plane so she could stare at him longer, two years of staring at him hopelessly. 

She’d been in love with him, and his caring way of looking at things, and the knowledge he kept stored up in his brain. She’d been in love with him so for long it felt like a lifetime. But never had she expected him to ask her out on a date, she figured if ever, she would break and ask him. 

But she hadn't. 

And he had.

It had been two years. 

And he’d asked her out on a date. 

“According to relationship experts, you should wait two months before asking someone out,” Spencer said. 

They were sitting in a tiny cafe, both enjoying a cup of coffee. It was their day off, and like most days off, they were spending it together. They’d developed a habit of driving around and going to new places together. 

Y/N was sipping on her coffee thinking about where to go next when Spencer suddenly spoke up. She looked up at him confused. “What?” she asked, her eyes wide, her cup of coffee stilled her in her hand as she waited for him to continue, as he usually did. 

“No- I mean- It's socially acceptable to broach the subject of dating after two months, but actually in most cases, it happens sooner… it really depends on how much time you spend with that person and-” he stopped, pausing his hands that had been gesturing in front of him as he stared at Y/N. 

“What?” she repeated. Spencer stayed silent, his eyes were darting around the room, and he seemed to be lost in thought. After a few moments, Y/N tried again. “Spencer? Why’d you bring this up?” 

Spencer shook his head and looked back into her eyes, seeming to be pulled out of his gaze at her words. 

“I think I waited too long,” he said. 

“Too long for what?” Y/N asked, still not getting the point. 

“To ask you out.” Y/N’s heart jumped at the words, her body exploding at the surprise she felt surge through her. “We spend almost every day together. And it's been two years.” Spencer continued a small smile on his face at the memory. 

Y/N sat there, her coffee still in her hand, staring at him. 

“I’m hoping it's not too late?” Spencer asked, still looking at her with now bright eyes. 

Y/N just stared at him. 

He frowned. 

And she laughed. 

She laughed at him and nodded her head, bringing her coffee up to her lips. 

And he smiled. 

“You’ll go out with me?” he asked, his eyes bright again, dimples popping up on his cheeks. 

And she nodded again. 

And now she was stuck in a daze. Her pain was chipping at her, keeping her from getting off the couch, she barely had the energy to breathe, barely had the energy to do anything except stare at her ceiling. 

She wished it would go away. 

She didn't want to tell him. She didn't want him to know, she didn't want his pity, didn't want to have the conversation, she didn't want any of it. 

She was going to have to cancel. 

She couldn't force herself to get up, which meant it would be impossible for her to get ready, impossible to sit in a restaurant and pretend to smile and pretend that just picking up her fork didn't make her want to scream out in agony. 

She hated this. She hated all of it. 

She felt like crying, like curling up and sobbing until she couldn't hear anything else except for the silence in her mind. She felt like spilling some tears for the miserable state she was in, but she didn't think she could move, she didn't think she had the energy to even close her eyes. 

She had to call him. 

She had to call and tell him, tell him that she couldn't go, that she was sick, that she thought it was the flu, that she had to cancel on their first date, that she couldn't go. 

She wanted to scream. 

It took multiple moments of deep breaths, of reminding herself she could do this, it took extra motivation to grab her phone on the coffee table next to her. She felt useless, felt like she was some fragile thing that wasn't to be bothered with. 

She wanted to text him. Wanted to avoid the sound of his voice, the disappointment she could already hear, she wanted to just get the words out and not have to talk to him. 

She didn't think she could move her fingers enough to text him. 

Her phone rang, and she waited for him to answer. 

The phone clicked and she heard a quiet “Helloo?”

If she didn't feel like she was going to pass out she would’ve laughed. 

“Spencer?” she said, quiet and slow. She felt already out of breath at just the one word. 

“Y/N? Is there something wrong?” 

And at that moment she wanted to tell him, she wanted him to come over and hold her close and cuddle her until she could finally fall asleep. She wanted him to be with her, and she wanted to listen to his voice, and she just wanted to feel better. 

She swallowed and then began to explain. “I don't think I can come… tonight.” Her jaw felt tight at the words, and no matter how hard she was trying she couldn't relax her face. 

“Oh.” 

Just one word. Just enough to make her feel horrible. 

She took a deep breath and urged herself to continue. “I.. don't feel... So good.” 

Just speaking was exhausting her, just breathing was causing her chest to tighten up, she hoped she would fall asleep soon. 

“Are you alright? What's going on?” he asked urgently, and Y/N could hear him stop whatever he was doing in the background. 

What was going on? What could she say to him? 

“I…” she gasped in the air that was pushing on her chest “caught something.” 

Spencer didn't say anything so she continued, “I’m sorry… Spencer.” 

And that was all she could say. Exhaustion took over, and she didn't hear anything else before she closed her eyes. 

At least asleep she wouldn't feel guilty. 

She was still sleeping when Spencer walked into her apartment. 

She hadn't heard him knocking on the door, too deep in her exhaustion to notice anything. 

And Spencer was worried. He was always worried about her, worried she would get hurt, get herself hurt, was always worried that something would happen to her, to the girl he loved. But it was different this time, she hadn't even stayed on the phone long enough to tell him what had happened. 

He couldn't just leave it at that. 

He had to make sure that she was alright, that nothing bad had happened in the time between the silence over the phone and Spencer showing up at her apartment. 

He had knocked, knocked, and called her name, but when she hadn't answered he felt himself become more worried, even sick Y/N could’ve called out to him. So he used the key she’d given him, telling him that someday he might need it, and he walked into her apartment. 

What he hadn't expected was to see her sleeping on the couch, find, but pale with dark circles under her eyes. 

She looked especially drained. 

A tiny part of him was glad that she wasn't just trying to get out of their date, that she didn't just not want to go, but the other part of him was still immensely worried, and his brain immediately started racking up the things that she could be sick with. 

He let her sleep some more. Listening to her labored breathing, watching her chest rise and fall as he thought of which viruses were going around. 

She had sounded terrible on the phone. 

He walked around her small apartment for a little while, thinking about her, worrying about her, just waiting for her to wake up. 

Eventually, he got impatient. She seemed to be getting more restless with every minute that went by, and Spencer couldn't stand the frown on her face, so he gently shook her awake. 

She opened her eyes and immediately closed in on herself. 

Her body was fighting, attacking itself, the different nerves were running all around reminding her of all the pain she was feeling, she was in so much pain. She curled into herself, the pain enclosing on her chest and her back. She was frozen trying to hold herself together. 

Spencer moved away, worried that he had hurt her. 

She was gasping, out of breath now, and Spencer was standing there watching her. She hadn't even noticed him. 

Sleep hadn't helped her, the fatigue still hadn't left her alone, and now her body was on fire as if it was fighting a war against itself. She didn't have anything she could do, there was no medication she had that was strong enough to fight against pain like this. Emotions were clouding her head, and she begged them to go away, she didn't have the energy to fight them off. She could barely move. 

And Spencer was standing next to her shocked, worried, and very confused at the girl in front of him. This seemed way more intense than a virus. 

“Y/N?” he asked softly, bending down on his knees so he was closer to her face. 

And she noticed him. And the pain was collapsing her. 

What would she say what would she say- 

She just wanted to keep her secret. 

She wanted the one secret she had. 

She gasped out. 

Why couldn't she just control this?

“Y/N? What's wrong? What hurts?” Spencer asked, quietly as not to disturb her, but she could hear the concern in his voice, could feel the questions he wanted to ask, could feel buckets of worry pouring out of him. 

The pain was insistent. 

She tried to breathe again, reminded herself of her grounding techniques, of the coping skills she had learned after years of pain. She took deep breaths and tried to remind herself that she was in control of how she reacted. 

It was working. 

Just a little bit. 

She finally had the energy to move from her position, tilting her head so she could look at Spencer, so she could beg for another minute, just one more minute to get herself together. 

She hoped he understood. 

She kept breathing. 

And finally, she could listen. 

“Are you okay?” Spencer asked, his eyes were less worried now, but Y/N knew he wouldn't leave without an answer, a complete answer. 

The secret was out. 

Y/N shook her head. She just shook her head, and she felt so tired, and she could still feel her body stinging as if it was being pricked at, and her head was aching, and her eyes were drooping, and she was so tired. 

All she wanted was to feel good. 

Why couldn't she feel good? 

“What's going on Y/N? This isn't a virus.” He said patiently as he could see the pain on her face. He didn't want to rush her, he didn't want her to be anymore strained than she already looked. But she seemed so sick. He had to do something. 

She just shook her head, squeezing her eyes tight at the pain that came with it. Spencer looked at her and frowned, she clenched her fists together in an effort to try to keep the pain at bay. 

“Okay...okay…” Spencer said, and he went to lift her so that she wouldn't have to move, he picked her up and sat down on the couch with her, he sat down with Y/N who looked so much like glass at that moment Spencer was afraid to hurt her. 

Luckily enough, him moving her hadn't sent another rage-induced war over her body, and she felt herself relax into his shoulder, felt comforted by the warm feel of his body, by the hand rubbing her back, by the smell that was so familiar. 

“Are you ready to talk yet?” Spencer asked. 

Y/N kept her eyes shut, trying to avoid making her headache any worse, but she could still tell that Spencer was frowning again, and while all she wanted to do was relax, she knew that she owed him some sort of explanation. 

“I-” she gasped at the pain that was stuck in her chest, she hadn't expected talking to make her heart start burning. Spencer quickly brought his hand to her cheek, moving her head so she would look at him, so he could make sure she was still okay. She opened her eyes to look at him and the words got caught in her throat. How much more pain could she endure before it was too much? 

“I’m just-” this time it wasn't the pain that stopped her, it was the confession she was about to make. The secret she was going to tell him. “I can't-” 

Spencer rubbed his thumb over her cheek, waiting for her to continue, but when he saw her eyes again he could tell that she couldn't go on, he could see the wall stopping her from saying what she had to say. 

“Y/N. It's okay. It’ll be alright.” he reassured, hoping they were the right words to say. 

“I can't,” she said again, desperate this time. 

“I can tell you in pain…I can see it in your eyes. Nothing bad is going to happen. I only want to help. It's okay Y/N.” 

And then she took a deep breath. 

And she told him. 

***

It was worse this time. 

And better. 

And worse. 

This time, at least Spencer knew what was going on, at least he understood to the extent he could, at least he knew her breaking points. 

But it was worse. It was so much worse. 

She’d been working, working a lot, working a lot more than she ever had before, she’d been working and working hard. It was too much. 

The pain was too much. 

She’d been overdoing it. It was something she’d always tried to avoid, always tried to keep away from her. She’d been warned about it when the pain had started, warned that while some working was okay, even good for her, that too much working could cause more pain, even more, intense pain. 

She’d been warned. 

She hadn't listened though. 

She seemed to be wrapped up in her job, in the hours that she spent saving other people's lives, she seemed to be wrapped up in it all. 

And she was always with Spencer when she wasn't working. She was always enjoying her time with her boyfriend, she was never sleeping when she was with him. 

She’d been over-doing it. 

But she couldn't stop, she couldn't just give it up now, she couldn't just avoid the work because she didn't feel good. She was going to have to deal with the repercussions that came with the decisions she had made. 

She didn't have a choice. 

She never had a choice. 

This was so much worse. 

And it was technically still a secret. 

Even though Spencer had found out two months ago when she’d had a bad flare up and had no other way to explain to him but the truth, the rest of the team hadn't. Y/N had made Spencer promise that he wouldn't say anything to anyone. She didn't want Hotch to find out, she didn't want him to make changes to her job, to keep her behind because of the illness holding her back. She didn't want that. And she didn't want the pity, and the babying that would happen if the others knew. 

It was bad enough that her boyfriend knew. 

He was especially protective of her now. 

No one else knew. 

And that was good, it kept her from worrying too much about it, helped her keep up the distraction of work without one of her teammates asking if she was okay, it helped her stay on topic rather than focusing on the pain. It was a good secret. It was one she wanted to keep as long as she possibly could. 

But it was getting worse. 

It was almost too much. 

Needles were pricking at her joints, pulling at her joints, keeping her tied down wherever she was sitting, they were keeping her still at any given moment. Her back was burning and sore, and she could do anything about it because if she moved every bone in her body would sting with the burn of needles. Her headache had become a constant in her day, and the pain medication she always kept with her had been getting emptier with every day that passed. 

She’d noticed the looks Spencer had been giving her, noticed the furrow in his brows every time she offered to do anything that didn't involve sitting. She ignored them, focused on the job she had committed to.

Every once and a while, Spencer tried to pull her away, tried to get her to settle down, and just talk to him, and every time he tried to do it, every time he looked like he was about to say something to her, she was busy. 

She managed to be busy. 

And now she had to go save a life. 

James Thomas was murdering couples, he was murdering people and the team had to stop him. There was no time for pain. 

Emily had to go in as bait, it was clear from the moment they got there and James was sitting silently at the bar. Emily needed to be a distraction, to lure him away from all those innocent people around him. 

Y/N was covering her. 

She watched with her gun in her pocket on the other side of the bar as Emily approached him, she noticed the slight change in her body language, the flirty smile she had put on, she wasn't worried about Emily. Her friend was smart enough to know what she was doing. 

And Y/N was smart enough to ignore the pain in her hands and her back, she was smart enough to pretend it wasn't there. 

She watched as James looked over at Emily curiously, as he looked her up and down, she watched as Emily moved closer to him, leaning in so close Y/N wondered if she was going to kiss him. She watched as James got more interested in the conversation. 

She looked over to Hotch and saw him nod at her. It was fine, everything was fine, they just had to wait a little bit longer. 

Just a little bit longer. 

Y/N kept her eyes on Emily as James turned completely toward her, she kept her hand on her gun and her other on the drink she didn't care about. She watched as Emily suddenly lost her smile, as she shrunk back only a little, she looked over to Hotch and he gave her the okay. 

It was time to get him out of there. 

She saw him reach into his jacket for something. 

She saw Emily tense her hand. 

And there was a gunshot. 

It surprised Y/N at first, but when she opened her eyes she saw Emily standing up straight staring at James, and she saw James down on the floor, covered in blood. 

She rushed over to them, she quickly patted down James, grabbing the gun from his coat pocket and giving it to the police officer behind her. She patted down the rest of his body, making her he didn't have any more weapons, and she helped him stand up, taking most of his weight in her arms as he couldn't stand with the bullet wound in his chest. 

She looked up at Emily to make sure she was okay. Emily nodded at her, and she walked out with James. 

And then it was silent. And then she could feel the seconds passing by, could feel the messages her nerves were sending to her brain, could feel everything happening inside her body, she could feel everything. 

There was so much pain, there was so much pain, there was so so so so much pain. 

She was being stabbed, over and over, relentlessly, everywhere on her body, she was being stabbed over and over and over, and she couldn't breathe, couldn't understand what was happening because it wasn't supposed to hurt this much, it was never supposed to hurt this much. 

It had never hurt this much. 

She could feel her body freeze and could feel herself take one more step, one more step out the door, just barely out of the building, before she collapsed, dropping James with her and swaying toward the ground. 

She was supposed to have control, it was never supposed to hurt this much, it was never ever supposed to be like this- 

And she could feel herself moan as she hit the ground, could feel her joints scream at the pain of being moved so much, she could feel the blood rushing to her head, and could feel her back still on fire like it had been for the past week. 

She still didn't know why it hurt so much. 

She’d never had a flare-up this bad. 

She wasn't supposed to fall because of the pain. 

It was supposed to be manageable. 

She didn't realize she had screamed until she felt hands on her until someone was shaking her and trying to get her to stand up, she didn't understand. 

She felt someone pick her up. 

And then it was too much, it was finally too much, too much for her mind, for her body, too much everything. 

It was too much. 

And she fainted. 

She woke up in an office. 

It was void of people and smelled distinctly like men's cologne. 

She tried to move her head but the pain was blinding. 

She heard a voice next to her. 

“You’re up,” Spencer said as he closed the door to the office, holding a bottle of water and a bottle of pain meds. 

She looked at him thankfully. 

And then she stretched her jaw so it wasn't as stiff, and asked him why she was there. 

He explained how she had passed out at the scene. He told her how he’d made sure to take her back somewhere she could rest, instead of taking her to the hospital as the rest of the team was insisting. He told her that he hadn't told them anything, just that he needed to make sure she was okay.

He handed her the bottle of water with a frown on his face, while she sipped the water, he opened the bottle of meds and pulled out two pills and handed them to her. 

She smiled at him with her mouth closed, as he watched her take them. 

It was silent for a moment after that before either of them spoke. 

“Spencer-” 

“I don't want you doing that again,” he said firmly. His voice was like stone and his face was unwavering. 

Y/N looked at him shocked. He’d never looked so harsh before, at least not with her, she was surprised by his reaction, but she was even more surprised that when she looked over to the clock it said she had slept for six hours. 

Six hours. 

That explained the bad taste in her mouth. 

“Spencer I don't think that's fair-” she started to say before Spencer interrupted. 

“No Y/N. I won't let you do that to yourself, I don't want you in pain every day.” 

Something about his tone was making her angry. 

“Spencer it was just a flare-up, they happen sometimes. I can't control them,” she said, and now her eyes were hard and staring at him. 

He didn't understand. He could research it for hours, could learn every piece of information there was out there. But he would never know. He would never understand the pain, the strength it took to deal with pain like that every day. He wouldn't understand the sacrifices she had to make sometimes. He just didn't understand. 

“Y/N, this wasn't random. You’ve been working yourself down to the bone. You haven't stopped working in weeks. And it's wearing you down, I can practically see you deteriorating.” His voice got louder with every word that he spoke. 

“Spencer this is my job. I’m not going to stop just because of a little pain.” She said shaking her head, staring at her, her face not breaking. 

Spencer sighed and moved away from the couch she had slept on. He just wanted her to understand, wanted her to see that if the positions were switched she would be insisting he took it easy too. It hurt him to see her in pain, to see her falling apart every time she moved. Why couldn't she understand that? 

“Y/N, it's not a little pain,” he said pacing around the room, no longer looking at her. “I can tell how much it hurts you. I can't imagine how hard it was for you to be out on the scene today.” 

Y/N could feel the concern, the worry, radiating from his body. She could see that he was fighting with himself, trying to figure out something to say. But she wasn't going to budge on this. 

“Spencer, this is my job. This is who I am.” She said every word clearly, but her body was shaking, and her head was aching. 

“Even right now! You’re still in pain. You were asleep for six hours and you’re still in pain! Can't you see that this isn't okay?” he was whispering, yelling, but he was upset with her now. He was upset with her not caring about her own well-being, upset that she thought her job was worth more than her health. 

She closed her eyes tightly, willing the pain to go away before she spoke again. “Spencer, I can't just sit and live around and have nothing and be in pain all day. This job is good for me. I can't just be a brick that never moves because I don't want to feel bad. I refuse to live like that.” she was getting more and more worked up with every word, and she could feel the tears stinging at her eyes, reminding her that she could still cry. She moved her hand in front of her face, not wanting Spencer to look at her. 

Spencer went over to her and sat down next to her. He just stared at her for a moment. Watched as she tried to blink the tears away, as she tried to will them away with just her thoughts. He could tell how much she was fighting, trying not to be vulnerable around him. He could see how much it hurt, how much energy it took just to do that. 

“Y/N,” he said, moving her hand away from her face so that he could see her again. He gently intertwined their fingers, reminding her that he was still there. “You can cry. It's okay to cry,” he said softly, more caring than he had been since she’d woken up. 

And the glass in her eyes broke. It broke open, shattering the windows in her eyes, letting the tears pour from the broken pieces. She couldn't remember the last time she had cried, couldn't remember the last time she’d had enough energy to cry. 

She didn't want Spencer to see. 

But he was sliding on the couch next to her, laying down and pulling her into his chest, he was rocking her back and forth slowly, remembering that she was still in pain, that too much movement would make her joints attack again. He was holding her, letting her cry. 

She felt like a child, but Spencer holding her was helping, it was keeping the pain a distance away from her, too far away from her to hurt her as much as it had been. 

She hadn't cried in so long. 

Spencer rocked with her, as she mumbled words against his chest, as his hands ran through her hair. 

The pain medication seemed to be helping. 

“Y/N… I just want you to give yourself some room to breathe,” he whispered after a couple of minutes after the cracks in her eyes had started to mend themselves. 

She looked up at him and frowned. She didn't want to take a break, she didn't want anyone to know that she needed a break. She didn't need a break. She didn't. 

“I don't want to,” she mumbled childishly, as she looked away from him. She was pouting now, and she knew that she wasn't going to win this battle. 

“It's okay to need a break Y/N. Everyone does. You have an unfair disadvantage. You deserve a break sometimes.” 

She shook her head. 

“It's not fair, “ she said quieter than before. The cracks were breaking again, and she was crying against his chest. He held her tighter. “It's just not fair,” she said again desperately. 

“I know,” he said as he kissed her head, as he made her aware that he was there, that he understood. “I know.” 

And they were curled up together. If anyone had looked in the window they would’ve seen a boy and a girl, both sad, both angry, but together and so desperately connected. They would have seen a boy and a girl, together, and in love. 

Spencer was quiet again, and he listened to Y/N’s stuttered breathing, listened as she took deep breaths, and felt as her chest stopped going up and down frantically. She was finally starting to calm down, to breathe with Spencer, to calm down against his chest. 

She sniffled and looked up at him, her neck hurting, not because of the pain this time. 

“I’ll try to take it easy,” she said, memorizing the way his eyes lit up. 

“You will?” he said excitedly, as she imagined a little kid would. She laughed at him, as he pecked her lips and held her tighter once again. 

“Yes.” she murmured, breathing in his scent, finally relaxed in his arms. 

It was strange that he could make her feel so peaceful in just a couple of minutes. Strange that although she had been crying only a short time ago, that she felt safe with him. 

“I love you.” she finally said. 

And he pulled away from her just a little bit, just so he could look at her face, into her eyes. 

Neither of them had said it before. Both of them had thought it, thought it over and over in the two years they had known each other. Both of them had felt it, pounding in their chest, breaking them down. They’d both thought it, both felt it, but neither of them had said it. 

Spencer was saving it for something special. 

But she’d just said it. 

She loved him. 

She looked up at him, hoping that the look on his face would be good. 

And it was. 

He was smiling, his eyes were lit up in hope and wonder, and the smile lines on his face were breathtaking. He was smiling so wide. 

She blushed and moved her head back down to his chest. He laughed at her, and Spencer wondered if he would ever be able to stop smiling after hearing that. 

“Are you sure that isn't just the drugs?” he asked, hoping he could look back in her eyes. 

And she giggled against him, and then looked up shaking her head. 

He smiled even more, and she copied him. 

“In that case,” he said, kissing her forehead “I love you.” 

“You do?” she asked, still smiling at him, forgetting about the pain, about everything, when she looked in his eyes.  

“I do,” he confirmed, moving his hand to her cheek, stroking her face with his thumb. “I really do.” 

She smiled and forgot everything. She smiled at him, and she sat in the warmth of his words, in the happiness of his smile. 

Maybe Spencer was her pain medication. 

my masterlist here

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. once the trial plot line is finally wrapped up (at best maybe itll end in december) we still have to deal with apollo, and leto, and thetis, and eros and psyche, AND kronos, oh and you know, the actual hymn to demeter and even just hxp getting together, which is both rushed and dragged out. like how has it almost been four years and still so little has happened and we still have way too many plots to deal with?

2. i see one excuse for LO is "well its free content! dont critique it!" like girl, we know she's making a lot of money just off fast pass alone, not counting books, merch, etc, also she's being paid by the company too as well as ad revenue, so its not really free, is it?

3. LO Persephone is Veruca Salt from Charlie and The Chocolate Factory.

4. lets be very frank here. if rachel was a woman of color pulling the shit she does in comic and on social media, shed be so hated as a regressive person with conservative ideas who is selling a horrible story and messages to her young fans, but because she's a white lady they hold her up as the goddamn messiah. theres so many better BIPOC creators who know what to do with this mythology and make it fresh and interesting and yet shes held up as the authority on it and coddled? sounds about white.

5. i dont get where lo fans claims antis are "apollo apologetics" bc literally none of us like him, we like actual mythology apollo and hate rachel took an interesting and diverse god and made him That Way to push her badly written romance along. No one is excusing him and idk where they're claiming thats from?

From OP: Exactly! I have no clue they got that from. Plus, every “Apollo Apologetic” I’ve seen so far likes LO and/or is active in the fandom.

6. that other anon hit the nail on the head. persephone isnt a character dictating the story like she should be, she's just being pulled along by everyone else or just rachel forcing it, all so persephone cant be held accountable for any action, good or bad, it just happens to her. this wouldnt be a problem if it werent for the fact it claims it's about "empowering" persephone and giving her agency to make her own choices, yet she doesnt even have that in this story, even less than the myths, IMHO.

7. does rachel know having hades be a threatening dick towards his pseudo son thanatos actually makes him less qualified to be a father? you cant tell us his biggest dream is to have a family yet when given the chance to care for a child he mentally and emotionally abuses and threatens them with physical violence over any little temper tantrum hades has. how is demeter seen as the abusive parent when she clearly doted and spoiled persephone, but hades is held up as the one "deserving" of a family?

8. hades' whole 'you should be grateful that i raised you FOR FREE and mentored you' is literally verbatim something my physically and emotionally abusive father said to me. that, PLUS him flinching away from hades/shivering, PLUS hades' constant anger at thanatos. just really rubs me the wrong way.

9. im also confused? bc persephone clearly isnt comfortable with how violent and angry hades is, yet she never pushes back on this, and even if she tries he does nothing but a momentary "apology" at best but goes right back to it, and seems to have only upped it recently much to her discomfort. it's (hopefully unintentionally) like how we saw rhea and kronos, where she only dealt with his anger with her body. idk why but rachel is making a strong case their eventual marriage won't be a happy one.

-----FP Spoilers/Mention-----

10. fp spoilers

dude 😭 i dont have words. badly written characters be like: barely 1 minute in we have perse all “*is forced to share her trauma due to fear*” meanwhile hades: “*has a temper tantrum* *2 seconds later* you should not be consoling me” trash can fire comic.

[symphonyofthewrite]

Saw your post, getting stuff off your chest, I just wanted to say that I haven't seen the thing with the kids mentioned by anyone and it really stood out to me, I feel what you mean to some extent, because for me it was a stronger reaction, albeit you probably won't feel the same and that's, obviously, perfectly fine. I have an instant recoil these days whenever a character is around kids for like one second and everyone instantly goes "THEY LITERALLY ADOPTED THEM/THAT'S THEIR CHILD/THEY'RE A PARENT"... genuinely sick of it, and I went white as a sheet when I heard it, I wanted to pluck my eyes out. I don't know if it's an American thing but English speaking fandoms (well, those teeming with fancops that is) seem like they cannot process adult looking characters being in any near proximity to childlike characters without automatically imposing parenthood and family dynamics and it's becoming distressing to me. I feel like Alucard needed to process his trauma and learn to trust and be whole again, he's young himself too, why he needed to be a "father figure" all of a sudden is beyond me.

Thank you so much for the ask!! I don’t get many asks so it makes me happy when I can talk meta with people 💛💛 (Sorry I’m a bit late in answering.)

Funnily enough I actually do agree with you. I didn’t have quite so strong a reaction, but I definitely had a very similar one when I first hear it.

My feelings were and are a bit mixed. I was saying in my other post that I would have preferred that I got to actually see this interaction; see the kids run by him and call him father, and him smile when no ones looking. I still think that would have been a better, more touching way to do the scene, and would have had more chance of me liking it (though I probably still would have felt very weird about it). (I think it especially would have been better because it would show that Alucard himself liked it, not that Greta was forcing the role on him.) I know that it was meant to be something touching, and pretty much everyone seems to like it (and I have seen some cute posts about it), so I just tried to like it too, and focus on the fact that all they were really trying to say was he was having a nice relationship with the kids, and that was indeed sweet.

But yeah, when I heard Greta say “I heard some of them calling you father” for me it was less a reaction of horror, and more a “HUH??!!”moment. When I heard it I was like “Alucard...you agree with this???!! This is how you see yourself??!!” I almost expected Alucard to refute it and say he didn’t see himself as a father to them. Like I seriously do not see Alucard as anything remotely close to a father figure, and it felt weird and wrong to me.

Like when I saw him interacting with the kids the first time, I didn’t think “oh he’s a father figure to them.” I just thought “yay, Alucard’s playing with some kids, and getting out of his bubble!!” I didn’t have any thoughts as to what his relationship role was with them, I just thought that first interaction was lovely.

And if I saw him interacting with the kids again, I still wouldn’t go “father figure” I’d just be like “yay, Alucard’s playing with the kids again, how sweet!!”

Sometimes the relationship doesn’t need a role or a label, ya know?

And I thought it was especially strange because…he literally just met them?? Like how can they possibly start calling him father when he’s played with them once or twice? Regardless of Alucard’s side or things, what group of kids would randomly call a nice man they just met ‘father’? Is...Is this a normal thing??

Anyways, back to Alucard’s side of things, Sypha’s line about Alucard being a teenager trapped an adults body has always been something that stuck with me and shaped how I view Alucard. I definitely view him as internally much younger than he looks. No matter how much I might hate them for what they did to him, I think Sumi and Take are about the age he actually is, and their relationship with him made sense to me. He’s still a kid—or at least young—he still needs his parents in his life, really. (That’s part of why I didn’t like that Drac and Lisa don’t go to him at the end. I personally don’t think Alucard really got closure, and in my mind I think he still very much needed them, and that would have been the perfect ending to his story in my mind, where everything comes full circle; He was forced to lose his parents and grow up too early, and only when he’s started to truly grow up does he get them back.) So yeah, I really don’t see him like a father at all. One of my main focuses in my Castlevania fanfiction is his relationship with Dracula, so I very much see him as the son, not as the dad, even when Drac isn’t around.

(Sidenote, come to think of it, I think this is another reason why Greta x Alucard is a nope from me. She’s very much an adult, so I just see a discrepancy between them that makes me feel weird about them being in a romantic relationship. If we need a label I feel like she fits as an older sister for him, guiding him and giving him support. Him unloading all his problems on her within just meeting her makes more sense if he’s like a younger brother who needs to cry to his sister. I felt weird about it in a romantic context when it was so fast. I mean I know he was desperate to talk to someone, and I probably would have done the same, but still).

“I feel like Alucard needed to process his trauma and learn to trust and be whole again, he's young himself too, why he needed to be a "father figure" all of a sudden is beyond me”

^^ THIS. EXACTLY THIS.

I was honestly really hoping they’d go in depth into him dealing with his trauma, and how he’s still hurting from the wounds of it, and how he needs to heal. I thought that’s what his S4 arc would be about. I don’t think they gave him the chance to really process and work through everything that happened. (Again, I don’t think him just unloading all his problems on a nice stranger is truly working through his trauma. I would have much rather watched him struggle to trust her, and him telling her about his trauma happen later, and be difficult for him, and a deep, heartfelt moment).

Like I was saying in my other post, I think if they framed his arc in how he dealt with the town collectively, I think that would have fit better, and been more touching and satisfying. I would have liked to see him struggling to trust humans, and then see as time progressed how several different people in the town liked him and meant him no harm, and how he realized he could trust them, and that he liked them too. It wasn’t that he had a bad romantic partner and needed a new one. He believed he needed to be punished for killing his father, and in his deep loneliness he let these kids into his house and heart, and they turned on him because he was half vampire. That’s something pretty deeply ingrained, and not something a new romance just fixes by existing. He needed to work through that in a much deeper way.

I know this is gonna be a very unpopular opinion, and it's totally cool if you disagree, but in a weird way... I sort of disliked Alucard’s ending. Don’t get me wrong, Im glad he’s happy, and I’d certainly prefer it to him just getting more trauma like last season (*shudders*), and I don’t think him opening up his castle (and his heart) to humanity is a bad way to end his story, certainly not. I think that fits. And my heart did melt a bit at the "I'm weirdly happy" scene. But, where everyone else is like “*sobbing* happy endings for all our faves” ...I see the creators of the show trying to wrap everything up in a neat little bow, and while that’s certainly not all bad, I don’t love every aspect of that. Theres a time and place for that, but a show based on video games, for which there’s more content in these storylines isn’t one of them in my mind.

Sometimes some of the sadness needs to linger. At the very least, let it linger at the beginning of the season so you can work through it in a powerful way, you know? It may have been tough to see Alucard be more closed off, but I think it would have been more satisfying to see him open up his heart and go back to his old self if we saw his trauma leave lingering effects at the beginning.

To me it didn’t feel like a satisfying arc, it felt like the fairytale ending of “oh look he’s not apprehensive about humanity even after what happened! Oh look he got the girl! And the Castle’s a happy place now! Look he’s not sad anymore! He’s even a father figure to these kids! He’s totally moved on!” And all those things can be awesome when done properly, and when they have depth to them. But they didn’t work through the trauma to get there, so it felt surface level to me, and too fast. I really liked that first episode, and how we saw the two sides of him—one that's become more closed off, and the other that still buries the human despite his comments—and I also really liked the first interaction with the kids, and thought that was one of the few interactions that had depth to it and fit with his arc well. Having it go beyond “they’re helping him learn to like and trust humanity again, and displaying who he really is inside” ended up detracting from the power of his relationship with them in my mind.

Having played SOTN, I think an ingrained loneliness and sadness are, in a way, a key part of Alucard’s character. That sounds really sad and awful out loud but…there are some people that just have a sadness or a loneliness to them, and that's not entirely bad. Here’s the thing…it can make them that much more beautiful. The fact that they still fight for good, even when they see all the dark, those moments when they find true friends, despite how alone they are, those moments when they are happy, are so much more powerful. They just are always a bit…separate from other people. One of my favorite lines in anything is the line "We are connected by our darkness, not by our light" in Pandora Hearts. I think it's a line that fits Alucard well, and it’s always something that’s drawn me personally to him. Don't get me wrong, I don’t think Alucard’s all dark and sad and lonely, he’s definitely got a bright side to him too, of course he does. But I also don't think he ever is able to fully accept the vampire side of himself, and I find that interesting, and worth exploring. Personally I was honestly hoping for the show makers to come up with a bittersweet reason for why he went to sleep for 300 years, (and I thought that's why they set things up with Sumi and Taka that he’d have something against his vampire nature). Personally it felt like they were trying to say “oh he’s all better now, he’ll never be sad or lonely again” and while that’s nice I suppose…for me it sort of…stops feeling like Alucard, in a way? I don't know if I'm explaining it right, or if that sounds terrible...😅

Anyways, back to the topic at hand. I do agree that’s very common of fandom that people are like “boom! Just add water! Instant father figure!” and I don’t love it either. Sometimes it can be cute if it truly fits, but it doesn’t fit every relationship between an adult-looking character and a kid character, and shouldn't be the first place people go to. In the same way every relationship doesn’t have to be romantic, not every relationship has to be parental/familial either. Sometimes it feels like fandom culture isn't really okay to have some characters just be good friends. A good friendship can be more wonderful than a romance sometimes.

If we have to put a label on it, I think he seemed like a nice older brother figure to them? I think that fits who he is in my mind. But father? Nope. Not for me. And again, I don’t think it needs a label.

Thanks again for sending me this ask!! It was nice to get the chance to work through some more of my feelings here too. Sorry if I went too overboard. And I hope I don’t sound too terribly negative, it really was a great season, and I definitely liked some parts of his arc, just not all of it.

If you or anyone else reading would like to discuss with me more, be my guest!! 💕