#i have a different tag every year and like 2 posts in each of them

[orchidbreezefc]

Happy birthday! Here are some spiders! I think tumblr ate my earlier attempt to submit it so here it is as an ask!

[ID: mako and veronica the jumping spiders on a lavender background with web decals in each corner. text above them reads 'happy birthday!' they are both wearing party hats made of web and veronica is holding a little web balloon.]

tumblr did not eat the submission but also did not tell me about it X( then it didnt allow me to publish the submission-- which i figured would be the better format for an image--with my reply so i WROTE THIS BACK UP to try again. so if this publishes twice (or more 😬) no it didnt.

but thank you so much for this omg!!! they are SO cute, look at them!!! first ever mako and veronica fanart!! except for the mako flag i guess. is it official art if it's from me? well, it's definitely the first ever veronica fanart.

look at the hats 😭 she has the balloon bc she has more web than mako. actually she probably made his hat too. with the pompoms to go the extra mile! i feel so honored!!

i was just thinking about what an incomprehensible mess of overlapping blorbo chaos my blog has been and that you had your work cut out for you sorting it out ("good luck, i'm hidden behind 7 layers of obscure hyperfixations!!!") but as always you totally nailed it and made 100% the right choice. this is so going on the fridge.

[ace-with--a-mace]

the truth is i actually get so insanely jealous

[vanteguccir]

It's noted | Chris Sturniolo

Chris Sturniolo x reader

Summary: Where Y/N is part of the Sturniolo Triplets fandom and makes videos about them on TikTok. After years of creating content, one of her videos seems to catch the attention of none other than Chris.

Warning: None.

Requested?: Yes, from anon.

Author's note: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

PS.: I used this tiktoker as an inspiration for the content that the reader creates on this.

PS. 2: I'm thinking of making a tag list for my Sturniolo Triplets x reader, so if you want to be included in it and be tagged on every Sturniolo x reader that I post, comment here please! 🩷

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It was true that the Sturniolo Triplets fandom grew so much in such a short time thanks to the fans themselves, who play a big role in bringing the channel to other people through social media - mainly TikTok. It was also true that, at least 90% of this part of the fandom works with edits of different types of the boys; compilation of parts from a certain video or podcast, edits and even memes.

But there was a small portion that made videos talking about the boys, showing their faces and voices while explaining their content, work and even giving tips on how the triplets themselves could increase their audience or improve their brands.

And Y/N was part of this small portion, having been in the fandom since mid-2021 and not missing any videos of the triplets, she could talk about them for hours on end.

Her biggest hobby was making videos giving ideas for their channel and brands: some brands they could collab with, theme ideas for car videos, topics for podcasts, prints for hoodie sets and t-shirts - both for the triplets' brand and for Fresh Love -, different flavors and themes for Space Camp, and so on.

The girl applied all her love and knowledge to all her videos, editing the backgrounds and explaining her ideas with the smallest details, making them understandable. She had perfect lighting, audio, and set equipment for her work, which made the quality equally good as her content.

Her trademark was her strawberry frappuccino, which she was always drinking every time she turned on her phone camera. Fans joked that her obsession with the drink was like Chris's obsession with Pepsi.

And all that was exactly why fans loved her so much. Y/N had more than 400 thousand followers on her TikTok account and all her videos reached an average of 150 thousand likes, in addition to the many comments saying how smart she was for having those ideas, her kindness in sharing them with the public and even complementing her beauty.

The girl spent hours of her day reading each one of them and interacting with fans as if they were best friends, always being very kind. She laughed her ass off at the comments from people who madly tagged the boys, especially Chris, as it was a well-known fact that he was her favorite - she loved to make that very clear.

Some fans even went so far as to say that if Chris was ever ready to get romantically involved with someone again, they wanted it to be with Y/N. The girl read that type of comment with a huge smile on her face and red cheeks, feeling honored. Although she imagined that the boys would never even notice her, she allowed herself to travel through the world of delusion from time to time.

So it was an understandment to say that she was super surprised when, after waking up on a typical Saturday and picking up her phone for the first time in the day before even getting out of bed - a bad habit of hers -, she saw the notifications in triple the volume of its normal.

She felt dizzy with so much information, trying to find in the midst of so many comments and messages what was really happening.

Finally, after traveling between her TikTok, Instagram, and Twitter for long minutes, she finally found it.

Chris Sturniolo had commented on her last video.

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It was Friday, and the triplets had just returned home after finishing recording their new car video that would be posted in a few hours.

Chris was currently lying in his bed, the lights in his room dimmed, and the low noise coming from his phone filling the four walls.

The brunette was just getting ready to take a shower minutes ago, having opened his TikTok and scrolling through his For You for a few minutes, about to take off his clothes used in the filming, when a video of an unknown girl talking about himself caught his attention.

It was very normal to have videos of and about himself on his For You, after all, the hours over the last few years that he spent liking one video or another showed the algorithm that he liked this type of content. Edits and memes of him alone or with his brothers filled his app, and he spent enough time watching, laughing, liking, and, sometimes, reposting some of them.

But it wasn't normal for him to have a completely unknown person talking directly about him, with her face and voice exposed for the world while doing it. And what surprised him most was what she was talking about, that specific video being about different prints and colors that he could use in the next Fresh Love collection.

His blue eyes lingered too long on the girl's face, admiring her features, her sweet voice serving as a melody for his ears.

When Chris dragged his thumb from the right to the left of his screen, entering the girl's profile, he finally noticed her name.

"Y/N." His voice came out in a whisper, enjoying more than necessary how the name slipped off his tongue so easily.

His fingers wandered across the screen, going from one video to another, listening to the ideas carefully - even writing some down on his Notes app -, saving some in a separate folder and browsing the comments, only then realizing that practically all of them were from fans tagging him.

Laughter escaped his lips at some of the jokes the girl made every now and then, while fascination filled his eyes with the effort she put into each idea.

The sound of knocking against his bedroom door startled him, his body jumping as he turned sharply towards the source of it, Matt's head appearing between his door and the frame, his eyebrows furrowed as his eyes traveled around the room briefly.

"You've been listening to this girl for so many hours that I thought she was here with you." Matt commented, opening the door wider and approaching Chris.

The youngest of the triplets rolled his eyes, suppressing the urge to lock his phone screen and keep Y/N all to himself, but she was well known in the fandom and her videos were about him and his brothers, the possibility of her content getting to them as quickly as it got to him was huge.

"It's a girl who appeared on my For You today. She makes videos of ideas for our channel and brands, can you believe it?" Chris looked at Matt as he showed his phone screen with Y/N's profile open. His eyes were wide with fascination, and his lips stretched into an enthusiastic smile.

Matt observed him for a few seconds, noticing his body language and the way he spoke about the girl, it was different from all the other times the boy commented about tiktokers or videos others made about them.

"Send me a video of her, I'll take a look later. Now go upstairs, I bought us something to eat."

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Another Monday had arrived, and Y/N was looking for strength in her body to get out of bed and face another start of the week.

The thought that in a few hours, she would have a brand new Sturniolo Triplets podcast was what made her tackle her tasks.

Her eyes traveled to the time on her phone and to her notification bar every 10 minutes, as if she was expecting Nick to release the podcast earlier than usual - it was obvious that that wasn't going to happen.

After last Saturday, where she had woken up to a comment from none other than Christopher Sturniolo, her weekend was complete madness.

She spent hours staring at the little comment as her mind tried to process whether she was actually awake or still asleep and in a very good dream.

"loved the idea! it's noted ;)"

"it's noted"? What did that even mean? Did he actually write down her idea for future use? Should she be prepared to wake up some other day and see that he has launched a new collection with something she suggested in one of her videos?

And what made her go crazy the most was that Chris Sturniolo had seen her face, and not only that, he found her attractive enough and her idea creative enough to watch it until the end.

She spent almost the entire previous two days waiting for him to comment again, or even like one of her videos, but that didn't happen. Instead, Y/N received thousands of comments from fans going crazy with her about what happened. At least she had a good laugh with them.

Now, she was in her bedroom, the light from the movie playing on the TV was the only source of illumination. Y/N was lying in her bed, already in her pajamas and with her pre-bed cup of cappuccino on her lap, keeping her legs warm, her eyes on the television, but her mind somewhere else.

The sound of the YouTube notification came from her phone and Y/N had never moved so quickly, her hand taking the device out of her bedside table and unlocking the screen while muting the television, clicking on it with her thumb without even looking at the other notifications.

Her fingers worked on increasing the volume and screen brightness, setting it to the best resolution and getting comfortable on her bed, preparing to stay in that position for the next hour.

The podcast was already at minute 35, and Y/N felt her cheeks hurting from how much she was laughing at the topics brought up by the boys. Nick was especially funny that day, making Chris and Matt laugh at every moment.

In addition to the senseless fights that would arise between the three of them out of nowhere, which made Y/N roll her eyes playfully, already accustomed to their way with each other.

Until her big smile was replaced by an expression of a mixture of fright and surprise.

"Can we take a moment to talk about the intense crush Chris developed this weekend?" Nick interrupted Matt's laughter, taking a sip of his Doctor Pepper.

Chris turned abruptly to his brother, his eyes wide at the comment as he shook his head, almost begging through telepathy for him not to talk about that.

"It's true, Chris spent the weekend obsessing over a fan of ours who makes videos on TikTok with different ideas for our channel." Matt agreed, looking briefly at Nick while his hands moved the microphone support, pressing his lips together as he tried to suppress his laughter at Chris's reaction.

"Yeah, she is super pretty, and her ideas are very interesting. I think I only saw her profile once, but I listened to all her videos through Chris's phone." Nick continued, raising his right hand and directing his palm towards Chris, pretending to cover his figure with it and ignoring his desperate expression. "He literally spent the entire weekend watching her."

"Her name is Y/N. Search for her guys. We might even use one of her ideas on our next podcast." Matt added, his voice coming out low despite his mouth being almost glued to the microphone.

"You guys are horrible, I hate you." Despite the distance, the camera lens that focused on Chris's image captured his red cheeks as he tried to suppress a smile at the thought of the girl who took over his thoughts, rolling his eyes to his brothers.

"Now he will be silent for the next 10 minutes." Nick continued, amusement in his voice as he picked up his Space Camp watermelon lip balm, playing with the object in his hands.

"He's in love Nick, give him some credit." Matt mocked alongside the oldest triplet, a small smile on his face as his eyes watched his brother's reaction.

"Okay, next topic." Chris interrupted loudly, his voice cracking with embarrassment. He raised his arms and moved them from side to side exasperatedly, earning laughter from the other two, before Nick briefly passed his eyes on the document open on his laptop, starting the next topic.

"Oh my God." Y/N whispered, clicking once on the screen and dragging the small ball in the bottom bar to the left, going back a few minutes of the podcast and rewatching that specific part.

The girl repeated that action at least three more times, her brain still processing that Chris Sturniolo had been watching her TikToks all weekend - as if she were some kind of famous artist - and that, apparently, he was developing a mini crush on her as well.

Her heart was beating too fast to be normal as her cheeks burned, a red tinge taking over her skin. Goosebumps ran through her body as her fingers trembled slightly. Her jaw was already hurting from the time she held her mouth open, but no sound escaped from it.

A notification suddenly appearing at the top of the screen caught her eye, her right hand instantly flying to her mouth while her left hand lowered her phone, resting the device on her mattress.

Her eyes were now fixed on the wall in front of her bed, as her mind screamed at herself.

christopherturniolo sent you a direct message.

"hey!"

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My asks are always open. Feel free to send requests or anything at all 🩷💋

Also, again, I'm thinking of making a tag list for my Sturniolo Triplets x reader, so if you want to be included in it and be tagged on every Sturniolo x reader that I post, comment here please! 🩷

Asked tags: @lustfulslxt @soimightlikeoldmen69 @p1xieswrld @lovrejoana

[candycandy00]

The Offering - A Sukuna x Reader Fic Part 2

Once upon a time, Sukuna was a human man, albeit a monstrously cruel and powerful one. Villages across the land worshipped him as a living deity. One such village holds a festival for seven nights in his honor every year, and on each night they make generous offerings to him, including women who are never seen again. On the fifth night, you are selected to be the offering. 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Any feedback whatsoever is greatly loved! If you’d like to be tagged when I post another part, comment to let me know. You must have your age in your bio or pinned post and be 18+ to be tagged.  

Smut. 18+. Sukuna is a human (my theory is that he got his four-armed body by modifying himself with jujutsu fuckery later in life). Dubcon. Mentions of rape that happened “off screen”. Very rough sex. Blood. Sukuna just generally being a sadistic monster. F!Reader. This part is dark and quite intense!

You didn’t know how much time had passed when one of the shrine maidens woke you up by gently shaking your shoulder. You found yourself in Sukuna’s bed, a sheet draped over you. When you tried to sit up, your entire body was wracked with pain. You gave yourself a moment to adjust, then slowly sat up again with the shrine maiden’s help. 

“Lord Sukuna has demanded your presence,” she said. “I know you must be sore but you mustn’t keep him waiting.”

Looking down, you saw countless purple bruises covering your skin, especially on your thighs and breasts. Pulling the sheet away from your nude body, you saw a frighteningly large bloodstain beneath you. It seemed to have dried overnight, so you assumed the bleeding had stopped.

With the older woman’s help, you stood on trembling legs and pulled the sheer robe back on. There was a deep, throbbing ache between your thighs, but you’d honestly expected it to be worse. 

The two of you made your way back toward the front area of the shrine, where the dais had been, but before reaching it the woman led you to a different room toward the left side of the building. In it, you found another bath filled with steaming water and cherry blossoms. The other two shrine maidens were waiting inside, and they gently removed the robe from your body. 

“Lord Sukuna has already bathed here this morning. He instructed us to bathe you here as well.”

You looked at the water and felt a familiar heat in your body that had nothing to do with the steam. This was the same water Lord Sukuna had just been bathing in? And now you were going to use it? There was something strangely intimate about this situation. You tried to keep yourself calm as you stepped into the water, wincing as it touched your sore and injured parts. As you sank down into the water’s warmth, you felt your body relaxing slightly. 

When the bath was finished, the shrine maidens helped you climb out and dry off, then they dressed you in a fresh but equally sheer white robe. 

You looked at the woman who had spoken to you the day before and asked, “When will he kill me?”

You’d thought it would be last night, but were surprised to wake up this morning. Did he usually kill the offerings the next day?

The woman hesitated, then said very quietly, “You are the first offering to survive the night you were brought in.” She looked at the other two as if to see if they approved of her speaking to you. When neither of them attempted to silence her, she added, “Lord Sukuna has told us not to bring a new woman tonight. You are the offering again.”

Two feelings hit you simultaneously: horror at the thought of being there for another day and night, at all the ways he could hurt you in that time, and relief that your death had likely been delayed until at least the end of the night. 

The women offered no more information, silently leading you through the shrine again, this time to the front, where the dais was. When you neared it, you noticed the shrine maidens lowering their heads, so you did the same, careful not to look up as you moved around the dais to stand in front of it. In unison, the shrine maidens bowed low to the ground, and you quickly dropped down as well, ignoring the pain shooting through your body as you did so. 

You heard Sukuna’s silky voice say, “Leave us.”

The three women got to their feet and left through the shrine’s front doors. Suddenly you were alone with him again, and your heart began pounding rapidly. 

“You can stop bowing,” he said with a casual tone. 

You looked up to see him sitting on a pillow on the dais. There was a low table in front of him with several plates and bowls, and in the center, the large basket of fruits you had personally arranged the day before. 

He motioned for you to come to him, and as you carefully stood up and approached, he spoke again. 

“The shrine maidens brought this offering this morning. I don’t usually accept them during the day, but they told me something interesting. Apparently this was offered by your family.”

You looked at the basket when you reached the edge of the dais, and you felt tears beginning to well up in your eyes. Your parents must have been told that you were still alive, and this was probably their way of trying to send you a message of comfort or encouragement. 

Sukuna watched your emotional reaction with absolutely no visible emotion of his own. “You recognize it?”

You nodded, wiping your eyes. “I arranged the fruits myself,” you told him. 

He reached over and pulled a pomegranate from the basket. “Shall we try them?”

You blinked in surprise. His tone was so much softer today. “Can I?” you asked, wanting to be sure to have his permission. 

“Come, sit,” he said, patting his lap with his free hand. 

You paused for a moment, staring at his spread open thighs, his ankles crossed under each other. Again, that heat in your core began to spread and intensify. He patted his lap again, and you stepped onto the dais beside him, then eased yourself down onto one of his legs. You instantly felt the warmth of his firm body against yours, and you knew your face must have been getting red again. 

He held the pomegranate in his hand and squeezed, his unnatural strength crushing the outer layer and allowing the juicy seeds to pop free. He reached around you, using his free hand to scoop up a few seeds and put them in his mouth. You watched with parted lips and pounding heart as he licked his fingers clean before scooping up more seeds. You thought he would put them in your mouth this time, but again he put them in his own. 

A trail of juice dripped down his lips, and he used his thumb to catch it, then licked his hand again. You were in his lap, getting a close up view of his every action, and you thought you might simply burst. You could feel dampness growing between your legs, and you hoped he couldn’t feel it through both your robes. You squirmed slightly and his eyes sharply shifted to your face. Then he grinned. 

“You must be so thirsty. With all the screaming and crying you did last night, your throat must be positively raw.”

It was raw, and dry. You hadn’t been given anything to eat or drink since coming to the shrine. You stared longingly at the shiny, dripping pomegranate seeds scooped into his long fingers. He brought them up, but bypassed your mouth and pressed them into his again, making a show of licking his fingers, allowing a string of his saliva to dangle from them. 

Then, suddenly, he pressed two of those fingers into your mouth. You were surprised, but your tongue automatically licked the fingers, swirling around the digits, tasting his saliva and the faint hint of pomegranate juice. Without realizing it, you had leaned slightly forward as he pushed the fingers in and out of your open mouth, grazing your lips and playing with your needy tongue. 

His other hand snaked around your body and slipped under the front of your robe, groping your still bruised breast. He watched you desperately sucking his fingers and said, “Did you really think a pitiful girl like you deserved to partake of my offerings?”

You tried to shake your head no, but his wet fingers slid out of your mouth and held your face still while he pinched your nipple beneath your robe, causing you to whimper. “You can partake, but only in one way,” he said, then lightly pushed you off his lap. You ended up sitting on the dais in front of him, the table pushed a couple of feet away now. 

Sukuna pulled one knee up, causing his robe to spread open and reveal his already hard cock. You stared at it, shocked by its size now that you could see it in the brighter lighting of this room. Had that thing really been inside you last night? No wonder it hurt. 

While you watched, somewhat dazed, Sukuna reached over and pulled a peach from the table. He held it in front of him and squeezed, letting the plentiful juices drizzle over his cock. He grinned at you and said, “Now, you can partake.”

Your breaths became quicker as you looked at the glistening peach juice, at the huge erection practically in your face. But you didn’t hesitate for long. You crawled closer and bent your head toward him, extending your tongue and lapping up the peach juice dripping from his tip. It was delicious. 

You ran your tongue all over it, then took it into your mouth to suck any remnants of juice off his flesh. 

Sukuna stared down at you without emotion, then suddenly smirked. He grabbed an apple and bit into it, his too-sharp teeth crunching the fruit with ease. “If you can’t make me cum by the time I finish eating this apple, I’ll punish you.”

With that, he took another bite. 

You glanced up at him in disbelief. You’d never pleasured a man before in your life, and now you had to do it within a time limit? He swallowed the bite of apple in his mouth and took another. “Better hurry,” he said with a malicious smile. 

With a spike of alarm, you quickly wrapped your lips around him again, licking and sucking and trying to figure out what felt good for him. None of your movements seemed to get any sort of reaction, and every couple minutes you heard him take another bite, loudly, as if to make you aware of the countdown. 

Finally you decided to just give up trying to find some perfect maneuver that would please him and focus on what you wanted to do. You wanted him in your mouth. You wanted to touch him, taste him, and so you slowed down, running your tongue over his length with reverence. You took as much of him as you could fit into your mouth, licking every inch and savoring the taste of him. Your eyes slid closed as you buried your moist tongue into his tip, digging out the fluids that were beginning to leak out. 

After a while, you realized you hadn’t heard him take another bite, so you looked up. You found him watching you, the half eaten apple sitting in his hand as if he’d forgotten he was supposed to be tormenting you. Then his eyes met yours, he smirked, and took an especially large bite. 

You didn’t let that distract you from your task. You continued treating his cock like it was your favorite meal and you were starving for it, like you were blessed just to have it in your mouth. You squeezed your thighs together, but you could still feel your own arousal dripping down your legs. You let yourself get lost in your own desire, your own pleasure, as you lovingly sucked him off. 

You don’t know how many minutes, or bites, passed before you felt him stiffen in your mouth. You knew he was close, but in the next moment, you saw him sit the now bare apple core on the floor beside you. 

“Too slow,” he said in that voice that drove you mad. 

You suddenly felt a stab of panic, and started to pull away from him, but his hand was immediately in your hair, gripping it painfully as he shoved himself all the way to the back of your throat and a burst of cum filled your mouth. 

“Don’t swallow yet,” he told you, looking down at you with a cold expression, “and don’t dare let any spill.”

You tried to do as he commanded even as more cum shot into your mouth, coating every inch. There was so much that it felt like your cheeks were stretching. You breathed through your nose, struggling to keep the cum from sliding down your throat or spilling out. 

When he’d finished, he slowly pulled his cock from your full mouth and said, “Show me.”

You tilted your head up toward him and carefully opened your trembling lips, slightly extending your tongue so that he could see all the cum pooled there. 

He smiled and said, “Ahh, a woman always looks best when her mouth is full of my cum.”

If you were dripping wet before, now you were positively soaked. 

“You can swallow now,” he told you, and watched as you did so. For a few moments after, you panted to regain your breath. Then you felt him lay his hand gently on your head in a surprisingly affectionate gesture as he said, “Good girl.”

His voice was so sweet, his words so arousing, you thought you might cum without even being touched. You could feel a pool of your own fluids gathering beneath you on the dais. When you moved, he would definitely see it. You reddened at the thought, but you couldn’t stop a weak smile from spreading across your lips as his fingers softly rubbed themselves into your hair. 

“Unfortunately,” he said as he continued to stroke your head, “you didn’t make me cum before I finished the apple.”

All at once his hand was gripping your arm and jerking you to your feet as if you were a doll. You cried out, your body still extremely sore from the night before, but he ignored you. With one savage motion he ripped the thin robe off you and tossed it on the floor. Then he turned you to face the low table full of plates and fruits, and threw you face down across it. You screamed when you felt the plates cracking under your chest and stomach, jagged edges beginning to poke into your bruised and tender skin. 

Behind you, Sukuna was on his knees, lifting your hips up and pulling your legs apart. 

“W-wait, please! Lord Sukuna! I’m still-“

You were going to say you were still wounded from last night, but the sentence died in your throat when you felt his cock shove inside your sensitive, not yet healed pussy. It hurt so bad it nearly took your breath away, despite being so wet, despite wanting him to fuck you again, but only after you had completely healed. But the worst was yet to come. 

When he began his brutal thrusts, your body scraped across the broken plates, slicing your flesh. You stifled a scream by biting your own hand, and went limp in his grasp, his strong hands gripping your waist to hold you steady. Tears sprung from your eyes, and you quietly whimpered as your body was thoroughly used. 

You felt him lean over you, the silk of his robe and the firmness of his torso pressing against your back, and then his mouth was at your ear, his maddeningly smooth voice whispering to you, “Don’t hold back your screams. I already told you, I’ll allow it. Make noise for me.”

You moved your hand from your mouth and let the sobs and cries rise freely into the room. Then you were crying out words: “Lord Sukuna, it hurts! It hurts it hurts it hurts!”

Your face was pressed to the table, so you couldn’t see his expression, but you were certain he was grinning. You could hear the pleasure in his voice when he asked, “What hurts?”

“Th-the plates are… cutting me!” You gasped out the words between whimpers. 

“Oh? Anything else? Don’t hold back.” His amused tone made your tears fall harder. 

“You! You’re… hurting me!”

“Which part of me is hurting you? Be specific.”

You sobbed again, trying to form words but struggling to focus on anything besides the rough cock pounding into you. With great effort, you managed to cry out, “Your… cock.. is hurting me!”

He leaned over you again and said in a low and sultry voice, “Tell me how it feels. Tell me how it hurts.”

You were struck again by how needlessly cruel he was, how much he was enjoying your agony. You knew you had to answer him, so you forced the words out of your mouth. “Feels like… you’re ripping me open!”

He was still leaned over, his toned chest grazing your bare back as he kept thrusting. Then another whisper in your ear: “And which is hurting you most? The broken plates, or my cock?”

Your mind was turning to mush. The pain, the feeling of wetness under you as your blood mixed with sticky fruit juices and your own arousal, Sukuna’s sensuous voice in your ear, it was all too much. “You… you hurt me the most,” you said weakly, losing all strength. 

If Sukuna replied, you didn’t hear it. Instead he gave one more incredibly deep thrust, burying himself inside you, and came. After he pulled out, he rolled you onto your back and looked down at you, his eyes raking over your cut up skin and then settling on your face. 

*******

Sukuna looked over the broken offering sprawled on his table and wondered, not for the first time, why other people had to be so weak. She’d been reduced to a bloody, crying mess by a good fucking and a few broken plates. Pathetic. 

The cuts on the front of her body were shallow, barely deep enough to draw blood. They wouldn’t even leave scars. They probably did hurt though. 

He stood over her, and she looked up at him with those glazed eyes, wet from crying, her prone, naked body quivering. “What? Not satisfied?” he asked. “After I gave you so much of my cum?”

That’s when he remembered that she hadn’t yet had an orgasm today. No matter, he didn’t care about pleasuring women. Only his own pleasure mattered. 

He started to walk away, but a memory from the night before blossomed in his mind: those desperate little moans, which had a strange musical quality, that she’d made when he was stimulating her. He wanted to hear them again. 

He got back down on his knees next to the table, and the girl shuddered and tried to scoot away, but she was too hurt or too weak to move far. He reached one hand down and touched her stomach, running his fingers along a cut there. She whimpered, and though her pitiful cries were indeed arousing to him, he wanted to hear her moans of pleasure now. 

Sukuna lowered his head and ran his tongue along the bloody cuts. The girl stiffened and went completely still. Her blood was delicious, so much that he was tempted to devour her raw in that moment, but he had more self control than that. He reached one hand down between her sticky thighs and used two fingers to rub her clit, enjoying the way she gasped and arched her back. 

“Ah… ahhh… Lord Sukuna…”

There they were, those little sounds that had haunted his ears since last night. He continued licking her wounds, running his tongue over one supple breast and taking the nipple into his mouth. With a gentleness that shocked even himself, his fingers massaged her clit. He could feel his cum and her blood oozing out around his hand. 

He looked down at her face and saw that her eyes were closed. Her face was tinted pink, and those lilting moans were escaping her lips. 

“Open your eyes,” he whispered. “Look at me.” He was well aware of the effect his voice could have on people if he wanted it to, and he’d certainly noticed the effect it had on her specifically. 

She opened her eyes and met his gaze, and he stared at her while listening to her shuddering, blissful voice. “Why are you always dripping wet whenever you’re near me?” he asked in a soft tone. “You can’t be the village whore. You were a virgin last night.”

The girl shook her head. “I-I don’t know. I just.. ahhh… feel like I’m…. ah… being pulled to you… ahhhhh!”

He applied slightly more pressure with his fingers while licking her other nipple, savoring the delectable taste of her blood tinged with sweet fruit juices. 

Her body suddenly went taut, her hips rising off the table and her weak little hands gripping his arm. “Ahhh! Ahhhhhh!”

She climaxed, clutching him like she’d done before. Sukuna had killed many a woman for merely touching him without his explicit permission, but for reasons he couldn’t explain, he didn’t mind these soft, tender arms around him. 

Once it was over, she passed out again. He chuckled to himself. “Such a pitiful little thing.”

He watched her bruised chest rise and fall with her breaths for a moment before standing and removing his own robe. He wrapped it around her unconscious form and carried her to his bed, where he laid her on top of the covers. 

He summoned a shrine maiden, who had no reaction to finding him standing in his room completely nude. With her eyes downcast, maybe she didn’t even notice. 

“Bandage her wounds,” he said. “They’re not serious but I don’t want her to bleed when I’m not around to watch. When she wakes, give her whatever she wants to eat or drink. She’ll need to build her strength up for tonight.”

With his orders given, he went to find another robe and relax until nightfall, thinking to himself that he couldn’t wait to hear his offering scream again.  

Tag List:

@yourmumsthings @boogeysmoth

[journen]

do you have a list of good CoD fanfics, or favorite writers in general?? <3

Presented in no particular order, here are some of my personal faves / fics I really enjoyed, and my own summaries for them. Hopefully you enjoy, thanks for the ask, anon!!!

I didn't tag all the authors because I'm not sure if they all have tumblrs, but also I'm shy tagging people ahjdfhkaheje. If any authors here are mentioned tho and you have a tumblr, feel free to lmk and I can update this post to include your tag!!:)

Anything rated mature I colour coded the name in red, and anything explicit green. Not all the mature fics feature smut, but yeah! I didn't want to link anything tooooo explicit here, but if anyone wants any, I can definitely rb this post to add a few more 😅

Also, just beware the tags on any of these fics because some feature kind of heavy subject matter. 👍

COF FIC REC LIST:

A Very MacTavish Christmas - @m3rrywe4ther

Prob my fav fic in the fandom lololol. HUGE RECCOMMEND. It's about Johnny who gets roped into spending the holiday Christmas season with his , for the most part, very not so nice family, and Simon accompanies him. So much stuff happens in this fic and it's such a great character exploration of Simon and Johnny independently, but also as a couple, and just so much stuff happens in it lol again, HUGE RECOMMEND!!!

We'll make Death Proud to Take us - Literal_Satan

Fic where, it starts off really sweet where Simon goes to Scotland with Johnny to spend Christmas with him and his family, but things take a drastic turn when Soap's brother, a police officer/detective, gets a little too curious about mysterious Simon, and the story spirals from there. All the guys end up on this crazy goose chase tracking down some of the people who were involved in Roba's brainwashing operations. The fic gets v dark at times and deals with some very heavy trauma so beware, but it's SO. GOOD.

Dream a Little Dream - Angelicasdean

Again, one of my total fav fics in the fandom!! AU where Simon leaves the army to raise his nephew Joseph, who's the sole survivor of the Riley family massacre, and Johnny is one of the daycare teachers at the daycare where Simon takes Jo 🥺🥺👍👍

Pretend to love me like I do - FetteEule

Really cute fic of Simon who accompanied Johnny to Scotland for his sister's wedding, under the ruse they are dating. They are v much pining but not there yet. Features lots of really cute domestic moments and Simon being really sweet to Johnny's kid nephew 😭🧡

Something important - Anonymous

One of the fics that has me totally brainrotted rn. It's about Simon's who's been de-aged to 6 years old, and Price, Gaz and Soap all taking care of him and trying to figure out how he got turned, and how to turn him back! They all get tested on their abilities to care for a child, and unwillingly learn a lot of details about Simon's childhood they never knew. This summary doesn't do it justice tho, so I'd just recommend checking it out! Beware tho again, there is some dark childhood trauma stuff but there are warnings at the start of each chapter that contains references to it.

Seasons - StinglessWasp

In this fic every chapter is set during a different season and tells a unique sort of story/mission/interaction Soap and Ghost have. Definitely some v good angst&hurt/comfort stuffs too. Starts off pre-relationship, and explores their characters a lot! It's just really good HUGE reccommend lol.

What the Eyes Don't see - WhiplashRogue

One of my FAVESSSS! So the premise is like, Soap can actually see ghosts ever since he was a child (which most other people can't see and also don't believe in), and Ghost has 2 spirits attached to him that follow him around(Joseph, and Roach). The fic starts off pre relationship, and it mostly about Soap trying to learn more about these two spirits and discovering more about Ghost's past.

All that's said in the Low Light - Headlocket

Probably one of the most emotional I've ever read LMFAO. It's about Johnny, who receives a back & knee injury bad enough he gets discharged from the army, and is back in Scotland living with his parents as he recovers. He and Ghost lost contact a bit since the accident, and it's sort of a story of them reconnecting. This description doesn't do it justice, just read it, but it will emotionally destroy you lol

Time Loops Suck (series) - Enter_fand0m_reference00

The first installment of the fic takes the idea that Soap is stuck in a time loop during the alone mission! And all the optional dialogues and interactions in thE alone mission are separate attempts of his trying to survive the loops and rendez vous with Ghost. It's just sooo good!! And then there's a follow up fic where it deals with the mental aftermath of the loops and Ghost comforting soap through it, then there's 2 other installments of Simon who instead goes through a time loop! They are such great character explorations in how both Soap and Ghost experience the loops, and I whooleee heartedly reccommend.

Yellow Card - SkerryB

Soccer au fic!! It's so good! Simon is the captain of a soccer team Soap is drafted to as their new goalie. Simon has had a history with Soap before though, that he was the only goalie Simon could never score on! So that's how it starts, and it's just so good from there!! Simon's family are also alive in the fic and his nephew is adorable.

You swept me off my feet - @ghoulishhone

Ghost is down bad for strong Soap, the fic xD This was a fic Ghoulishone and I were paired together to work on for the Ghostsoap server reverse bang! They wrote the fic and I made some accompanying art. Just a cute fic of Soap having to pick up Ghost after he gets injured and some other shenanigans that ensues:)

Dear Mr Ghost - @shortcuts-make-long-delays

SUCH A CUTE FIC!! The majority of the fic is these letter/pen pal exchanges between Ghost, and Soap's young niece Chloe...it's just. So. Good. And was written by a friend of mine too! BIG RECCOMMEND.

Give me Hope and Let me Down - MechanicalBones

Some of the best Ghost whump I read lolll. Ghost is captured by some people with ties to Roba and tortured. Meanwhile Soap is on his way to rescue him, and eventually he does, and there's a lot of hurt and comfort. It's also a getting together fic. 🥺

Unspoken Love - Hammy101

( Super amazing oneshot. I feel I can't do this fic justice with any summary. Just read it. 🥺 It has decent Ghost whump AND domestic off duty cute ghost soap angsty stuff it's just one of my faves ever!!!!)

Except You, You can Stay - Iravaid

Really realistic, believable portrayal and expansion upon a lot of the key events that happen in the Ghost comics. From his childhood, to the mental aftermath of Roba, his family dying...it's heavy but really really good. And has a happier hopeful ending that's Ghost/Soap 🥺

Hat Trick of the Heart and the sequel Family, Gotta Love em - Librarian_FanFicFan

Absolutely am obsessed with these fics!!! It's an AU about Ghost who is recently discharged from the military due to injury, and on a flight back to London where he is seated next to Soap, a famous footballer/soccer player. Ghost doesn't know who he is tho, but they hit it off and exchange numbers. The second installment features Simon's family!!! And Tommy being dramatic and shocked over the fact his brother got the number of this famous sports player... SUPER CUTE IF YOU LIKE RILEY FAMILY STUFF.

As for my fav CoD authors I wholeheartedly recommend anything by:

RedClegane, m3rrywe4ther, Hammy101, TheEdwardianOne, Iravaid, and so many authors but I can't list them all ahaha...but hopefully this is a good start!

Hopefully this helps anon! Sorry it took me a while.

[schrodingerscougar]

Note: One last super short roommate!Simon part. Part 2 is here. I made a taglist but that's a one-time thing.

Tag: @v1x3n @gaylilangelbaby @syphixx @namelesshumanperson

..

“Go-karting?” you ask with a wide grin on your face when you step out of the elevator.

Simon shrugs when he looks down at you and pulls out his hands from his pockets to wrap an arm around your shoulder. “Thought you might like it seeing how competitive you can be.”

When he places an innocent kiss on your head, a move that isn't planned at all, you start to giggle. He loves this sound and he likes what you say even more. “I haven't driven a go-kart since I was a teenager. I don't even know why, I love it!” you tell him.

You said no to the idea of a fancy date when he asked you out so he had to force his brain to come up with something more than just watching a movie. Then he remembered one of Gaz’s stories that happened at a place like this, although that story was more of a joke these days.

He lets his hand drop from your shoulder to your waist as he begins to guide you inside. While he would prefer a traditional version, he decides to bring you to drive an electric go-kart. These things are fast, although he has no idea how you can handle one. To be honest, he has a feeling he would propose on the spot if you managed to beat him on the track.

One hour and several laps later the two of you are sitting next to each other by a table, eating something terribly forgettable while going through the photos on your phone. Simon isn't a fan of the idea of sharing pictures with his face on them, but he makes an exception because of you. The idea of sharing such a nice date with your friends makes you so happy that it makes him happy too.

“Can we go home now?” you ask him the moment you post the chosen photo.

He lets out a laugh then takes your hand. “I thought you liked to go out,” he notes.

You move a little closer, pressing your thigh to his with that wicked little smile on your lips that makes him go insane. “But I know you're not into it. And if I have to choose between staying out in public or being locked into the bedroom with you…Well,” you finish with a laugh before leaning over to kiss him.

For the first time in years, Simon feels comfortable in the company of a woman. He had fleeting relationships, one-night stands that meant nothing, but you are different in every way. He wants to be by your side all the time, he’s willing to step out of his comfort zone to make you happy, and damn it, he already knows he would tear anyone who looked at you the wrong way apart.

Later in the middle of the night the two of you are sleeping in his bed, but he wakes up to a buzzing sound coming from the nightstand. With a sigh, he glances at his phone and sees a new message. “Lucky bastard.” That’s all Soap writes him.

With a quiet chuckle he puts the phone back down and turns back to you, his huge arm wrapping around your waist to pull you against his chest. He truly wishes this moment would never end because he needs you like he needs air. Maybe he's already in love with you.

Maybe.

[lucozadehulahoop]

Star-crossed. Lo'ak x fem!human!reader

This was originally posted on my side blog @thankeywa. It's a brand new blog and tumblr thinks it's a bot so it's not giving it visibility. Please go give it some love, I want all my avatar!related stuff to be on there.

PART 2 HERE PART 3 HERE PART 4 HERE

I know that literally nobody asked for this, but I've noticed a disturbing lack of Lo'ak fics out there, so I've decided to give my input. I've had a story in mind for a while now, and I needed to get it out there. It will be a reader insert to make it more accessible, but it's somewhat based around an original f!character, so I apologize for that in advance if it gets too specific.

WARNINGS: Lo'ak is 20 years old in this and so is the reader, I do not write about minor characters. There will be eventual mature themes in this so MINORS DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS WORK.

For everyone else, if you like my writing, please let me know if you want to be on the tag list for future installments and SEND ME REQUESTS (head canons, imagines, sfw/nsfw, ecc.) ! I love that shit.

words: around 1.200

summary: reader is a human left behind on pandora, she grew up with the remaining humans who'd been aloud to stay on the planet after the war and has been friends with the Sully clan her entire life. She and Lo'ak were best friends until he began to pull away from her in their teen years for seemingly no reason. This story is about them reconnecting on the day of her twentieth birthday, and dealing with the feelings they have for each other and the obstacles that come with them being from two different worlds.

TW for this chapter: angst, smoking (don't do it, ever), brief mentions of alcohol, brief mention of war and death, brief mention of child birth, reader can breathe on pandora.

Y/n looked at the 'birthday cake' made out of cookie rations that Norm and Max had made for her. No matter how many years would pass, her dads always knew how to get creative.

"I'm twenty years old, you guys don't have to keep throwing me a birthday party." She reprimanded them softly, though her heart was filled with joy. Y/n was so thankful to have people in her life who cared enough to make her day special every single year.

"Considering you spent most of your early existence tied to test tubes to stay alive, we're merely celebrating the scientific marvel your continued survival has been." Norm joked, raising a beer, and y/n shoved him, before blowing out the single candle that had been meticulously re-used each year. It was a wonder how there was any wax still left on it.

"What did the birthday girl wish for?" Max asked, reaching for a dried-up cookie and cringing slightly at the taste as he chewed on it slowly. "The whole point of a birthday wish is to keep it to myself... or it won't come true. Honestly, I question your two's knowledge of Earth's traditions." y/n shook her head, before taking a celebratory sip of alcohol.

Norm and Max left eventually, back to the main base. They were more than capable of piloting a helicopter those days, and y/n was all grown up. More than capable of living by herself. What once had been an avatar lab, smack dab in the middle of the forests of Pandora, had been converted into her home. Pandora's rapidly repopulating fauna had surprisingly left her residence alone, well... mostly. There were still some creatures who couldn't help but keep themselves away. And by creatures, she meant Spider. Y/n was also friends with actual people like Neteyam, Kiri, Tuk, and... Lo'ak. Truth be told, she didn't know whether or not she and Lo'ak were even friends anymore. They'd been thick as thieves for as long as she could remember, always getting him out of trouble and fixing him up after a scuffle with his siblings. But then, around her sixteenth birthday, he'd started pulling away, and y/n had never understood why. They'd had a big fight about it, bottom line, he hadn't wanted to be around her anymore and y/n had to accept it.

"Open up! It's fucking freezing out here!" Came Spider's loud voice followed by an incessant banging on the door that immediately pulled y/n out of her reverie. "Alright, alright..." she laughed a little as she went to let them all inside. The Sullys were always insisting on spending birthdays together, even though some of them were now getting too big to even fit inside her 'home'. Neteyam had to walk around with his back bent forward, and Kiri knocked over quite a few things before they made it to y/n's main living space, which was more or less Na've-proof. "Happy birthday!" Tuk hugged her and y/n struggled not to feel crushed by the embrace. Even the littlest Sully was now nearly as tall as her.

Y/n let them all inside, already giving them dirty looks at the sight of gifts. "I told you guys not to..."

She stayed on the doorstep a little longer, gazing out into the night, desperately hoping one last uninvited guest would turn up. She felt Neteyam's hand on her shoulder. "He's not coming. I tried to talk to him but he was being a skxawng as usual..." Y/n blushed, not really wanting Neteyam to know she was pining for his younger brother. "Oh, right! I was—just checking you were all here..." she closed the door and they both went back to join the others.

___

"Alright come on, your mom is going to kill me if you get back late and I don't have enough space in here for all of you. Spider would have to sleep outside." Y/n teased, trying to let Tuk understand it was time to go. "Hey!" Spider protested at her lighthearted jab, but knew it was time for them to get going. Nobody wanted to get on Neytiri's bad side. Y/n hugged them all goodbye and thanked them for the presents: Tuk had made her a lovely drawing, and the others had collectively made her a rather beautiful necklace, which she immediately wore. Y/n waited on her doorstep till she could no longer hear the sounds of her friends chatting, and then proceeded to do two incredibly dangerous things: she sat outside of the protection of her bunker, all alone in the cold Pandora night air, and lit up a cigarette.

She'd discovered a terrifyingly endless supply of cigarette cartoons back at the base almost a year prior, and as soon as she'd tried her first one, she'd gotten addicted. Y/n hadn't told Norm or Max, of course, as it would have broken their hearts, especially because of how fragile she was. Y/n's mother had gone into labor in the aftermath of the battle for Pandora between the Na'vi and the Sky people. The soldier had lost her life giving birth, but her baby had survived, taking her first breath in the inhospitable Pandora air. Norm was convinced Eywa herself had kept her alive, had given her the ability to take in the air that hadn't previously failed to kill any other human. Sure, it had come at the price of being particularly fragile her entire life. And how was y/n repaying that gift? By cutting her miraculous existence short more and more each day. Thankfully, it was a while since she'd been used as a test rat, or had check ups of any sort. As far as the Sullys were concerned... they were way better off not even knowing what she was doing to herself.

A sudden rustling in the trees instantly made y/n alert and she didn't waste any time getting back inside. She showered, and shamefully hid her smokes somewhere her dads or the Sullys wouldn't look. When she had nothing else left to do, y/n forced herself to crawl into bed, placing a hand over her necklace. Her wish to see Lo'ak hadn't come true in the end, and while not surprising, it still hurt like hell.

"A pack of viperwolves? Seriously, Lo'ak?" Y/n groaned in frustration as she cleared her table for her best friend to lie on.

"I thought I could take them." He hissed as she doused him with disinfectant. "Yeah, well, you know human medical treatment hurts like a bitch, so it's either my way, or you're going to have to fess up to your parents about what you did." Y/n tried to sound cold, but she'd always been too soft on him.

When they were younger, and Lo'ak still hadn't grown to be double her size, they would often fall asleep together in her bed. "You don't have to keep doing this shit to prove something, you know?" She whispered to him one night, turning over to look at him and gently touch his face. "Your parents love you. And so do Neteyam, Kiri, Tuk and Spider. Lo'ak, I— we— don't want to lose you."

Y/n was almost asleep when a loud 'thud' coming from outside woke her. Something was moving on her roof, or rather, someone... Y/n didn't show whether she was dreaming or not as she looked out the window and locked eyes with Lo'ak, because the second she did, he seemed to slide off the top of her bucker, falling down into the grass below with a loud groan.

He'd probably just woken up half of the animals on Pandora.

[braxlrose]

I miss ur writings sm :(

I am so sorry that I've been gone for so long, I haven't posted any fan fiction in so many months and honestly I lost motivation 😭 so many ppl who were in this fandom and I created a community with, were slowly getting over this "phase" and it definitely affected me. But I'm going to try and get back into writing. I hope this will do good for now! Ive had a lot of ppl recently ask for 2005 bill hcs, and I've done that before so if this is repetitive for something else I've written, sorry!

content warnings: none

a/n: I'll be updating my tag list since it hasn't been updated since like August of last year and I don't want to be tagging people who don't care or want to see these posts anymore. So if you wanna be tagged, let me know!

2005!bill kaulitz x f!reader

sfw:

- I'm an alternative person so whenever I write for bill, I always imagine him with an alternative girl 😞 even though from what I've seen he's never really been w/ an alternative one, BUT LETS PRETEND OKAY 🙏🙏

• he absolutely loves doing hair together, I think he enjoys helping you do your hair in the morning and your make up. And he's even more greatful if you do his makeup. Then he can just relax while you help him.

• pookie has crunchy ass hair at the end of the day when he has to wash it out, don't make fun of him 😞

• getting piercings together is something he LOVES doing with you. Mainly early piercings because he only has a tongue and eyebrow piercing on his face.

• if you made music too, he would always go to your concerts and basically scream the entire time. Hopefully, you'd do the same for him.

• if you have longer nails, head scratches are always a must and he will lay in your lap for literal hours while you pamper him.

- I personally think he would love to learn words in your language if you keep something different than German. And despite what anybody thinks, he finds it hilarious to learn the dirty words.

• if you cook him something from your culture, he will literally die. He basically thinks everything about you is so cool, and learning about a culture different from his is so exciting

• but if you two really want to date, you'll have to both try to learn English or each other language because there is going to be a hard language barrier between you two.

- I think one of the reasons he would've fallen in love with you is because you were upfront with him. He's not the type of guy to just go up and kiss someone so if you confess first, that would make things so much easier.

- obviously, you'd have to get along with Tom, Georg and Gustav. So if you don't, there's no way he'll go out with you, especially if you can't get along or hate Tom.

-Dates together consist of stuff you guys bought somewhere, or if you guys went to a fastfood restaurant.

• He doesn't have a lot of money yet so dates wouldn't exactly be high class, hopefully you don't mind 😉

-Since this is around the time Tokio Hotel is getting increasingly famous, there are fangirls around trying to flirt and ask out bill all the time and he has to shoo them off. He reminds you every night about how much he loves you and that those fan girls shouldn't bother you.

-he likes to spoon you a lot, and you two switch back n forth between him being the big spoon and the small spoon.

• I think he also really likes it when you lay on top of him, with your face in his neck and your legs wrapped around him. (This also works sitting upwards).

• cuddling with him is so nice too because he actually smells really good 😱

- I think he still gets very insecure sometimes because of the haters and people who harass the band because they don't like them and you reassure him a lot.

a/n pt 2: sorry this wasn't too long! I'm trying to get back into the groove of writing so if this is terrible I'm sorry 😞

taglist: none right now

[fereldanwench]

I didn't want to completely sit out a year-in-review, but for reasons I'll explain at the end of this post and under a cut, doing the traditional pick-one-pic-from-each-month approach just wasn't going to work for me. So instead, here are 20 of my favorite shots (in no particular order) of Valerie from 2023!

(I'll share solo Goro shots and shippy/story shots in two other posts before the year ends.)

Some thoughts about this year (cw for anxiety and depression mentions):

So yeah. I actually hadn't planned on joining in on the virtual photography year-in-review fun in part because... Well, frankly, I wasn't sure if it would actually be fun for me.

Although I do have pictures for every month, the first third, maybe even half, of the year was a struggle on almost every conceivable level. A lot of it was shit that carried over from the end of 2022, which was also an incredibly difficult year for me. I don't really want to delve too deeply into why--Some of it was personal, some of it was professional, some of it was fandom, and if you know, you know.

The main obstacle I had here is that looking at a lot of the shots I took from about January to May (give or take a few weeks on either end) honestly reminded me of Bad Times™️. I've worked really hard to pull myself out of that depression/anxiety cycle and return to a healthier approach to fandom and online socialization in general, but I just didn't want to spend a lot of time in that mental space. There are a few shots from those months that made it to my favorites, and I hope one day I can look back on that stuff and just feel the good from it again. Alas, that day is still not here.

But I am happy to report that the other reason I wanted to approach the review differently is a lot more positive! It's also two-fold: 1) I spent the earlier part of this year exploring more of a technical side of virtual photography and 2) I was really prolific the last third or so of this year so trying to narrow faves from about August until now was just not possible.

One of the few good things about the end of 2022 was being able to upgrade my graphics card, which meant I then had a rig that could support ray-tracing and hot sampling. As a result, I started putting a lot more focus on lighting and getting acquainted with new tools. I also was trying to work with the new AMM posing system, which is very convenient in some ways (100s of poses without reloading the game!) and a complete pain in the ass in others (can't move characters without their poses breaking!). Custom photomode poses + Nibbles Replacer has been the game changer I've been waiting for.

Or to put it more succinctly, December 2022 through about April 2023 felt like a relearning/return to basics kind of creative period, which is essential, but also means I just don't really like a lot of what I did, lmao.

Then, shockingly (I'm not shocked at all), starting treatment for my anxiety and depression in the second half of this year suddenly made creating a lot easier and fun again! Crazy how that works.

Even bumping this little review up to 20 shots instead of 12, there are still pictures from the past few months that I had to cut as favorites. There was just no way I could condense the amount of fave shots I took from August to now in just 5 options.

I also owe quite a bit of this revival to modders for asking me if I wanted to take shots for them--Exploring more of a fashion photography approach to my shots I think did a lot to build on what I had learned earlier in the year and encouraged me to try something new. I don't want to tag anyone in this long-ass glorified diary entry, but if you invited me to take mod shots for you, just know that it really meant a lot. ♡

And that's where my head has been with a yearly review! Is filling out a little template with 12 pictures this serious? No, it definitely is not, lmao. But hey, overthinking shit is still something I'm working on. ✌️

[ultimateshixiongfuckertournament]

Semifinal 1: Fei Du vs Jiang Cheng

Semifinal 1 is between Fei Du (shixiong: Luo Wenzhou) from Mo Du vs Jiang Cheng (shixiong: Wei Wuxian) from Mo Dao Zu Shi

Propaganda under the cut

Fei Du:

Fei Du: evidence? The entirety of Mo Du. His shixiong is is Luo Wenzhou, a dude with an eight-pack and parents who love him and love fei du as well, and a dude whom fei du is willing to not die/consider the future with, and consider himself not a monster to be with. Fei Du says shixiong to Luo Wenzhou so flirtatiously that they both stop and stare. Luo Wenzhou gets him birthday cake, a video game when he was small and a promise. (Also, they are cat parents)

Jiang Cheng:

Clinged to WWX constantly for 7+ years, wanted to have WWX as his right hand man forever after becoming sect leader, cried after WWX left, cried when he discovered what WWX sacrificed for him, was TORN APART when it got explained to him that if they were more outwardly close knit, WWX might not have died

PROPAGANDA!! to start, i'm still very bitter about how fairy lost the sentient animal poll and i want to win this badly. very very badly. current stats are 50.6 in favour of jc but that's too less of a gap for me. jc should be winning this by a landslide, y'all hear me? anyways. starting with a class act, like the clown i am->

64.media.tumblr.com

64.media.tumblr.com

a few links ( because i'm chengxian trash, as always and i'd love if poll-guy could copy paste them on the og post): one, two, three, four (gif), five, six, seven (gif), eight (thoughts on different wavelengths), the absolute circles of them saving each other, the fucking golden core reveal scene. golden scene reveal part 2, jiang cheng will always forgive wei wuxian

to start with. jiang cheng is literally the picture of "i knew from the moment i met you that i'd spend a lifetime forgiving you".

the earliest dynamic of jiang cheng and wei wuxian is jiang cheng giving away his dogs (the only gift his father has ever given him, btw) because wei wuxian is scared of the dogs. tis only the start of it.

his father very obviously prefers his shixiong over him, his mother berates him for not being as good as wei wuxian and tells him his inheritance is in danger, and his sister (in my opinion) has more care for him (visibly. maybe jiang yanli doesn't show it because jc is an emotionally complicated purple grape, maybe because jc doesn't need it, or wei wuxian is traumatised but that's my opinion). but still. still. Jiang Cheng loves Wei Wuxian. so much. jealousy is like. the most tame response i can think of. and jiang cheng is proud of wei wuxian, okay? he'd believe his big brother if he'd said anything. want proof? well, here you go-> link

to paraphrase the link:

Jiang Cheng had just lost his family, his home, and his very golden core, and his older brother - his brilliant older brother who could fix anything, who could sneak wine into Cloud Recesses and defeat an ancient turtle nearly-god and make Jiang Cheng share a smile when Jiang Cheng’s mother was disappointed and furious at both of them - His big brother smiled and said, “I can fix this.”And Jiang Cheng believed him then, and believed him three months later when Wei Wuxian crawled out of the Burial Mounds (just the second miracle in three months), and believed him every day of the next seventeen(?) years until the pieces were shoved into place for him to see.

also. the circle these two go in protecting each other. (gif set by @sandushengshou), the 'if one of us is to die, then, i beg, let it be me' that they both do for one another in a seemingly neverending loop of sacrifice. via this post a la my lovely @backtoyunmeng

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jiang cheng is a cannonically ruined woman archetype, justified via the countless posts you'll get in the top posts of jiang cheng tag. he keeps chenqing, wwx's flute in perfect condition even when he hates wei wuxian, even when wwx, if only indirectly, has a part in jiang yanli's murder and oof okay someone pointed out to him that he's known to have killed wei wuxian and he almost cries. he absolutely believes, with his whole heart, that wei wuxian lives even when the world is sure he doesnt. and it always read to me like, i'd know if he was dead. he's a part of my soul, so i'd know if he was dead. he can't be dead.

this is getting too long, so, to sum up, some absolute poetry by @jiangchengsjawline

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#JC On The Other Hand Has His Entire Life Shaped By His Shixiong And Ended Up Cast As The Ruined Woman By The End

#jiang cheng though. wasn't able to fuck his shixiong but his shixiong definitely fucked with him

#hello?? the answer is Jiang cheng pls#he's the shixiongfucker or all shixiong fucker you wish you could be as pathetically in love with your shixiong as he is#chengxian

#i do not go here (chengxian) but the propaganda is incredibly correct they are insane abt each other#also sorry jiang cheng ik you're suffering but they are so funny to me#neway VOTE JIANG CHENG FOR CLEAR SKIN

#look I rarely go here#(here being chengxian)#but by GOD their lvoe compels me#they’re tragic and doomed and they love each other without knowing how to say it in words the other would understand#or in words at all because communication??? we don’t know her???

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he didn't even think about sacrificing himself, and consequently his entire bloodline, his sect, pretty much everything that depends on him for his shixiong??????????

is this not convincing->

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#had to vote jc though i have more feelings about chengxian#i think jc should have a huge gege kink

#like. jiang cheng should win the entire tournament hands down period

[utilitycaster]

Do you think that Laura and Marisha are deliberately making their relationship somewhat toxic and unsustainable or do you think they see the relationship as healthy? It is just so different from all of the other relationships they have been a part of and not really in a good way. Would love to get your perspective on it if you have one

I am honestly unsure. I would like to say it's deliberate. Prior to it becoming canon, in fact, I, and a lot of other people who were less than enthused by Imogen and Laudna's romance and weren't entirely sold from the start, made the case that we expected they would be talking to each other and would put together a compelling story, not the dull fluff so common in fanon. While whether it's compelling is a subjective judgment, we know for a fact they didn't talk to each other. We know for a fact Marisha was surprised by the question of "Can I kiss you," and Laura was surprised by the answer. We know from a 4SD not long after (4SD #16, Kiss and Tell) that several episodes later they still hadn't talked. We know that Marisha perceives Laudna as holding Imogen back (and that Laudna perceives herself as doing so) from the Rose City Q&A. We know that from 4SD #20 (Episode Twenty) that Laura doesn't like conflict in narrative and Marisha does, and that Laura was thrown by Laudna's regression following Ashton's attempt to absorb the shard (4SD #19, Shard Candy).

I don't know if it's deliberate or not; I don't have any extra insight that isn't public knowledge any fan can easily access. But man, it doesn't feel like these are two actors on the same page about what's going on.

I've touched on this before but mostly in tags or whisper posts but I've always felt ill at ease with a number of for lack of a better term "fandom-approved opinions" and one of the ones that has baffled me the most is this idea that Marisha and Laura have exceptional chemistry. I watched Campaign 1 knowing the endgame ships but deliberately avoiding the fandom, and Vex and Keyleth did not even once occur to me as a thing. I watched the first year of Campaign 2 without a ton of fandom interaction because I was avoiding additional C1 spoilers and it seemed crystal clear that the obvious ship was Beau and Yasha; it felt like Beau and Jester only even had enough potential for me to multiship it as my general "whomever Jester picks" for like, 30 episodes. And yet people - people who didn't even ship either of the above ships and in some cases disliked them- would just say "oh man I can't wait until we get to a campaign where we can finally explore Marisha and Laura's incredible chemistry!" and it's like. I feel like I'm the kid in the Emperor's New Clothes on this! I understand that chemistry is to an extent a matter of taste and subjectivity, but it just increasingly feels like people looked at two campaigns of tables where Ashley was frequently absent and said "well, if I want an F/F ship that's between two of the women in the cast, I guess this is what I have to work with" and repeated to themselves that a flat pamplemousse La Croix was a Piña Colada until they started to believe it. I mean if someone wants to explain it to me in good faith I suppose be my guest and I will try to take it in, but it feels like people just treat this as incontrovertible fact and if you doubt it they're like "don't you have eyes" and it's like, well, pretend I don't. Explain like I'm eyeless and five because I have never understood this. They both have more chemistry with every single other cast member; it's not all romantic but man, I didn't even buy Laudna and Imogen as platonic best friends of two years. I have never had this problem with any other pre-existing character relationships Marisha and Laura have played, platonic or otherwise. It's literally just them. I just never feel like they're quite on the same page.

Back to the relationship between Imogen and Laudna onscreen, this was easily the best conversation since the start of the gnarlrock fight, and it is my hope it doesn't fizzle out the way that did. You can't keep kissing Laudna whenever she fears she's lost forever to Delilah, Imogen. Or you can, but that won't fix the problem. Again: are you disgusted? Do you feel betrayed? If you're not, why did you say that? If you are, how will you move past it? Do you want to be with someone who never feels like they're good enough for you? Laudna, do you want to be with someone who, no matter what they say, you feel you're holding back?

Early in the campaign, my feeling was that of our current situation, switched - Imogen felt her powers were a burden and a curse and Laudna kept referring to them and to her glowingly. It's just...ships passing in the night, no pun intended here. I hope it's on purpose and whatever comes from it is a good story - and either a tragedy or a happy story could be a good one. But I have a nagging sensation that Laudna wants out but is afraid to say no, and Imogen is afraid to let go, and I honestly don't know if the actors have realized this impasse and how the characters might resolve it, one way or another, besides the insufficient bandaid of a kiss whenever the conversation gets too uncomfortable.

[emmitaaa4]

Addressing some fandom BS inconsistencies

Gwyn was shadow mommy, Az was shadow daddy, they were gonna have shadow babies with her extra super pliable bones.

I audibly chocked when I read this @nikethestatue (btw everything said in this post was on point). No but seriously this is how they sound, too many of them insisting that there is nothing wrong with basing the likelihood of a ship on who has the more suitable uterus to be with a man... cause supposedly they're just picking up on the hints SJM wrote for them? She likes babies for HEAs so ofc children are the end all be all of a relationship, plus there's absolutely no way that she could ever write an adoption plot SJM is literally adopted and has done it in other series. Selective reading strikes again.

A minimum amount of critical thinking would tell you that 1) the infamous *magical uterus change* scene was about nessian (& feysand), not about any ship; 2) if SJM had written Nesta changing Elain's uterus, it would have given too much away, not to mention 3) how disturbing/violating it would have been for Nesta to change her sister's reproductive anatomy WITHOUT HER CONSENT?! None of it makes sense narratively; my girl Nes would never, especially given the trauma they both suffered from having their bodily autonomy--and so much more--ripped away by the Cauldron.

This argument is so trivialized that I see it every other day on reddit/tiktok/*insert media app*, and yet elriels are the toxic side of the fandom? The ones whom people are allowed to insult, to ridicule for theories all made in good fun, the women that are villainized over a difference of opinion? Don't get me wrong, there's assholes on both sides and people keep calling one another variations of delulu (and the nastier personal attacks). But by painting this fandom-wide villain there is such a lack of accountability for the plethora of harmful talking points spread by other portions of the fandom. (I've been silently reading the anti-elain & anti-elriel tags for like a year, and I'm on tiktok. Yes, I have self-destructive tendencies).

Anyways.

I never understood either how people ever actually thought (or well still think) that gwynriel would happen BEFORE elucien?? It makes no sense logically, narratively, or in terms of characterization & the arc she's set up for Elain, Azriel, and Lucien. Yet it took one controversial bonus chapter for people to decenter Elain in her own story, that is make her choice of romantic partner--which SJM spent 3+ books setting up--Azriel's. It took one bonus chapter that soo many readers are still unaware of, to brush Elain off as a "sexual object" Az is using to distract himself until his therapist-extraordinaire Gwyn comes in and heals him all up. Because ofc she will: she's badass and not the "passive and weak and boring" Eplain (aka "Plant" or "brain dead gardener"), she fits the YA archetype of the spunky warrior-girl so she can handle his darkness, and SJM supposedly spent time fleshing her out because she wrote her as a LI for Azriel; she's made for him, she is what he needs to grow (I actually enjoyed Gwyn's character btw, just pointing out how silly it all sounds). “Next book is a love triangle between Elain/Az/Gwyn” “Elain will turn evil or is secretly evil”. So you're telling me that SJM would pit Elain & Gwyn against each other in a love triangle over a man... all because of a necklace that was not even mentioned once in the actual books? Please, let's be logical for a second.

All this because instead of reading the bonus chapter in the context of the books, some people are reading the books in the context of the bonus chapter. Which now that I think of it is probably why so many people mischaracterize Az the way they do--because yes we know enough of his character to know half of the stuff the fandom diagnoses him with is questionable. Azriel? Entitled incel x fuckboy hybrid (gotta be the first of his kind, minute slay ig)? Interesting tell me more. No joke I saw a semi-popular post on here where a gwynriel said they read the bonus WITHOUT HAVING READ ANY OF THE BOOKS. I'm sorry, ship wars are silly and believe it or not idc who ppl ship, but it makes it hard to take some of the things they say seriously.

All this to say that the fandom isn't even debating the right thing. If you consider everything SJM has said in her interviews:

(she's been planting seeds for Nesta & Elain's book since acomaf; she knows who she is writing the first 2 books about + is keeping things open for the 3rd one--with 5 different ship options--which automatically rules out "Elain will close the series"; she said she's doing research for Elain's book in the ACOFAS bonus & there's seeds for future bookS in acofas; all she said recently about her beloved *heroines* and the themes of fate/true love/choice she finds *very* interesting & wants to discuss)

and if you also consider all she's written in the actual books (elain's characterization + the overarching plot in general & how she fits into it), then it's pretty evident that Elain's book is next.

The question then would be who is the MMC / 2nd PoV in her book, aka would acotar 5 be an elucien or an elriel story? Because logically, gwynriel was always a consequence of elucien. I honestly do not understand how people don't see that.

Oh and they always think they're gagging elriels with the "obviously Azriel is the next MC" as if elriels aren't saying the same thing? And we're the ones twisting info and not making sense. It's just funny at this point.

---sidenote: I realize that this post generalizes some things, and I just wanted to say that I have interacted with lovely eluciens / people on either side of this headache of a ship war. My hard limit is Elain haters though... back off I say 🤺 BACK OFF 🤺

---sidenote 2: I would have written this as a reblog except im not entirely sure how tumblr works and I get no visibility from them rip.

[crowleyholmes]

hi there chris! since the new year is approaching rapidly, i wanted to ask my favorite creators (that includes you! i love your art!) how they look back on their 2023 tumblr year and which blogs made them happy to be here. i am very happy to follow you and hope you'll have a great 2024! 💘

Hiiii omg this is so sweet and means a lot to me, thank you! 🥺💕

I've been meaning to do a little end-of-the-year shoutout/love post for some of my favorite blogs, so I hope you don't mind if I use your ask as the perfect excuse!

I've had many fun years on tumblr, but this one has been extra special. Falling into the Good Omens fandom and meeting all of you amazing people has made this year so so SO much better than it otherwise would have been, so here are some special shoutouts (apologies, I'm sure this will get long, things like this tend to get away from me, so I'll put it under a read-more)

@majortomyourcurcuitsdead SASHA can you believe I was going to just send you an anon telling you that I think you're cool and leave it at that. Can you believe it. WELL thank Somebody you had your anon turned off and I had to expose myself in your dms because it feels like we just instantly connected about like 20 different things and haven't stopped talking since sskjdfhs anyway I'm so happy I met you you're so fun and so clever and so talented and so enthusiastic and I've only known you for like. What 2 months?? Ish? But I already love you so much <3

@lineffability !!! Line you are so *struggles to find words* you're just great is what you are okay. I feel like you are what happens when somebody takes a big cup and puts six shots of love, chaos, sunshine, talent, fun, and enthusiasm into it, generously sprinkles intelligence on top and gives it a good stir. I don't even remember how or when or why we started talking tbh? But your creativity is so inspiring, and some of my favorite tumblr-moments of this year have been 'yes-and'ing with you about one thing or another in a very >:3 manner hahah so! my point is! i love you lots <3

@dontbotheraziraphale Teeeedddd you're wonderful, I vented at you one time and then we talked for like 2 hours and at the end of that 1 conversation I already considered you a friend - and not just in that "tumblr mutuals who talk 1 time are my friends" kind of way but like. Genuinely. You're so kind and so fun and every time we talk it's such a good time ily a lot my bro my buddy my man <3

@crikey01 Tallulah HI I also completely forgot how we started talking but I remember connecting the dots that you were the one who painted those INSANE black and white and gold oil paintings and the way my jaw dropped like?? BRO you're so talented I admire you so much! And I love that we bonded over stopping each other from masochistically checking certain peoples' blogs... 😂 Anyway you're so sweet and fun and ily lots <3

---

The list could probably go on but you four are the people I've talked to most on here and you're the tumblr chat boxes I never close but always just minimize and y'all better see this as the ultimate internet declaration of affection that it Clearly is >:D 💕

---

And here are some more shout-outs because I just HAVE to.

Apologies, I know I've already tagged a bunch of you recently in a mutuals appreciation post but. This is my official thank-you-for-2023 post and I just have a lot of love for you all okay sorry feel free to ignore this <3

@rowan-ashtree (i'll text you back soon I promise I'm sorry I just haven't had the brain-space recently ssjkdfh) @crawley-fell (we've never talked but i love you from afar :')) @ineffabildaddy @llokilaufeyson @actual-changeling @saryasy @hyperfocusthusly @beccibarnes @rainbowcrowley @thesherrinfordfacility @goodoldfashionednightingale @wibbly-wobbly-blog @highlyillogicalandroid (i see your data obsession and i agree <3) @tortugay @foolishlovers @stargazing-crowley @gingiekittycat @weasleywrinkles @bildads-shoes @finleycannotdraw @bowtiepastabitch @heytherefluffy @samwwise @nocturnal-birb @athousandyearstime @angelsdiningattheritz @most-normal-eccles-cake-ignorer @jedthesecretdreamer @wraithee @hydrangeadangea @southfarthing @frodo-baggins @mobius-m-mobius

[littlexscarletxwitch]

── ༊*·˚⋆ 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗻𝗲𝘄 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻

paring: yelena belova x fem!reader

tag(s): nsfw, smut with a really interesting plot (?), kinda like dark yelena I think

warning(s): MDNI, +18 ONLY read at your own risk, explicit smut, wlw sex, vaginal fingering (r receiving), dom!yelena belova, BDSM, mommy kink, squirting, kinda innocent r, grammatical errors, unedited

word count: 3.8k

note: GUYS IT'S FINALLY HERE, I'M FINALLY HERE. I'm so sorry I haven't been posting, I just really didn't have time to write and I have so many ideas and requests, and it's frustrating because I really want to write them but I don't have time lol. I finally finished this one, to be honest I don't know how I feel about the smut part, I honestly need to work more on it, but hey I'm trying. Anyways, I hope you guys like it. This one's for 💦🍯 anon, I really hope you like it. I'm not a native english speaker, so please let me know about any sort of mistake.

note 2: I actually can't believe how long it it lol. Based on this request

requests are open! + check my rules here + masterlist <3

Yelena felt everyday was the same as the previous one.

Wake up, pretend to be the happy wife and mother of a 10 year old child, take care of said child and fake husband, go to sleep and repeat the whole thing the next day. 

She was used to doing this kind of thing, that was what she had been trained for her whole life. Plus, she always had to be on watch, in case things went southways and she and the little agent had to make a run. 

But still, she couldn’t help but grow tired of the routine, constantly waiting for something different to happen. She wasn’t supposed to talk to her neighbours, the less people knew about her the better, her orders were just to play the lovely neighbour next door. But everything changed when you moved into town. 

She was notified of you arriving a week early. She was given a report of you, and everything in it seemed normal, a few fines here and there, but nothing more than that. She didn’t think anything of you, just another townie. But she got it all wrong. 

The first time she properly met you was the same Saturday night you had arrived in town. Yelena opened the door to you knocking, holding a pie in your hands. She was completely taken aback by your bright smile, it took her a whole second to function like a normal human being. 

She invited you in for a glass of wine, being the lovely neighbour she was. She introduced you to her ‘husband’ and ‘child’, and a few minutes later you parted ways. 

Long gone after you had gone, she could still smell your lingering scent on her house, causing a revolution on her stomach. She didn’t know what was going on with her, her heart began to beat faster at the mere thought of you, she felt her knees getting weaker and an unpleasant feeling in her core. 

That very same night, she waited for her husband and child to fall asleep, locked herself in the bathroom, and touched herself to the thought of you. 

The next day she made it her new mission to get to know you better. Because of her secret agent duties, she couldn't just approach you and talk to you. No, that would put you in danger, and Yelena couldn’t risk that. So she watched you, from afar, and soon it became her favourite hobby. 

Everyday Yelena would wake up, cook breakfast for her family, wait for them to get out of the house, get dressed and wait for you to start your morning routine. Everyday she would walk a few steps behind you, watching your every move. She would follow you to the park and watch as you played with your dogs. She would follow you to the cafe where you always had breakfast, follow you home, follow you to the library when you needed to study, follow you when you went shopping. She became your shadow. 

Sometimes, she would pretend to run into you, just to get a closer look and talk to you. Sometimes she would be bold enough to touch you, just softly brushing her fingers against your skin. Each time she did, she felt electricity going through her whole body. 

But she wanted more from you, she didn’t want to just watch you and imagine all the things she would do to you. She needed you, badly. You were driving her insane, with your perfect shiny hair, your beautiful smile and your flawless body. Touching herself to the tough of you wasn’t enough anymore. 

[...]

Yelena was patiently waiting for you to walk out of your house, but the hours passed and you were nowhere to be seen. She hadn’t from her window, never lost sight of your front door, there was no way you had walked out and she had missed you. 

She began to worry about you. You were the kind of person to make the most of the day, you didn’t sleep in, not even on the weekends. She started to think that maybe something had happened to you. Maybe she got too close to you and messed things up. 

Without giving too much thought, she walked out of her home, crossed the road and stood right in front of your door. She raised her hand to knock but she stopped herself once she heard loud whimpers coming from the inside. 

She quickly reached for her gun, standing by in case she needed it. She felt her heartbeat in her ears, remorse and fear filling her body at the thought of you suffering because of her. She went around your house, trying to get closer to the source of the sounds, and stopped in front of a window where the whimpers were louder. 

Her eyes winded at the sight before her eyes, she quickly covered her mouth with her hand, trying to hold the gasped that was about to escape from her lips. Slowly she put away her gun, her eyes not moving away, not even an inch.

You were very much alive, naked on your bed. Your eyes were closed, your breathing was heavy and while your right hand was in between your thighs your left one was pinching your nipples. Moans and whimpers were coming out of your mouth. 

Yelena knew that was wrong, but she couldn’t look away. Not that she tried or wanted to. The more she looked at you, the wetter she got. It was one thing watching you from afar on your daily routine, but it was a whole nother thing watching you in the comfort of your home, naked, pleasuring yourself. 

She was about to make her way back home to sort herself out to this new image of you when she heard something different coming from your mouth. At first she thought she had misheard, but then you repeated the word, over and over again as you were getting closer to your release. 

She watched as you thrust your fingers in and out of you faster, your brows were furrowed, your lips parted, your back arched like a cat, and a second later she watched you coming undone. 

“Fuck! Yes, Yelena!” she heard you screamed, as you opened your leg wider, giving her the perfect view of your cunt covered in your thick cum. 

It took her three whole minutes to snap out of it and run back home. The second she stepped in, she went to her night table drawer, grabbed her wand vibrator, locked herself in her bathroom and came hard to the thought of you until she couldn’t take the pleasure anymore. 

In the late afternoon, she watched through her window as you exited your house and headed to the park to walk around your dogs. She thought it was hilarious, you weren't as innocent as you appeared to be. Sweet kind Y/n, who touched herself to the thought of her supposedly married and with a child neighbour. The need to have you became stronger and now she wasn’t going to hold back. 

[...]

You were her new mission now, she planned on seducing you. She invited you over every time her husband and child went away, doing whatever it was they were told to do. You gladly accepted, Yelena was the only one who had been nice to you ever since you moved, you thought you could use a friend. Even if you didn't have any friendly feelings for her, even though you fantasised about her every night, even though she was married and with a child and even though you found that last part a bit arousing. Knowing that she was out of your limit only made her more irresistible 

So every afternoon the two of you would have a coffee together. Yelena didn’t talk much, she didn’t want to nor could she. All she wanted was to hear your lovely sweet voice. So she would ask you all kinds of things just to keep you talking. 

Slowly but surely, she would throw you hints. She would say things like how her husband wasn’t what he used to be, a big fat lie since she didn’t properly know the guy. Or she would say how everyday felt the same as the one before, a half lie since her whole word got more interesting once you showed up. 

She would find any excuse just to touch you, in a subtle way. She would touch your hands, sometimes even your waist or cheeks. Everytime the two of you hugged goodbye, Yelena would hold you tightly against her, wanting to feel your body against hers, but both of your clothes were always in the way. Still, she found some comfort in your scent. 

And then, finally, you realised that you weren't just imagining things, that Yelena needed you as badly as you needed her. Your afternoon meetings became make-up sessions. 

Yelena wanted to take things slowly, to not scare you away, even though she felt like she was going to die if she didn’t have a taste of your body. But you just couldn't take it anymore, your fingers weren’t doing the job anymore, you needed her to take care of you. 

So, the next day, the second her husband and child drove away, you desperately knocked on her door, and once she opened the door you smashed her lips against hers. 

“I can’t wait any longer, Yel,” you whispered on her lips, not caring if anyone had seen the two of you. 

“Fine, detka. We’ll do it your way,” the nickname caused butterflies in your stomach. 

She grabbed your wrist, pulling you inside and once she closed the door she slammed you against it. 

You felt your breath already getting heavier and she had barely touched you. She traced your jaw with her fingertip, moving down to your collar bone and further down to your breast. You shudder as she traced your nipple through your clothes. You unconsciously rubbed your thighs together looking for some kind of release. 

“Patience, malyshka,” she said, getting her knee in between your thighs. “I’ll take good care of you, yes?” her russian accent got thicker, filled with lust. 

You felt as if your skin was on fire, just from her touch and closeness. 

“There are so many things I wanna try out with you, pretty girl,” she said, kissing your jaw and neck. Leaving love bites all over your sensitive skin, your head fell back giving her more access, as you tried to hold back the soft moans escaping from your lips.

“I want you to do anything you want to me,” you breathed out, your mind getting foggy as all you could focus on was her.

 “Really? Will you let me use you?”

“Yes,” you gulped down. 

“Mommy.”

“What?” you innocently asked. 

“‘Yes, mommy’. Say it, detka.”

“Yes, mommy,” you swallowed hard, the new nickname getting your core wetter. 

“Good girl,” she kissed your cheek. “Shall we take this to the bedroom?”, she said, a firm gripped on your thigh. 

“Please, mommy.”

She grabbed your hand and the two of you made your way to her bedroom. Once inside, she made sure to lock the door, just in case anyone who wasn’t wanted would come in. Her lips found yours again, it didn’t matter how many times you had tasted her lips, they always felt like the first time, sending shivers up your spine. 

As she stepped closer to you, you unconsciously stepped back. The back of your knees finally hit the bed and you fell on it, Yelena was fast to crawl on top of you. A loud soft moan escaped from your lips once you felt the pressure of her whole body on top of yours, wanting for the two of you to stay forever this close to each other. Her lips moved down to your neck as her hand tugged at the hem of your shirt. 

“Please, take it off,” you breathed out. 

She did as you told her to, smiling to herself once she realised you weren’t wearing anything underneath your shirt. 

“Naughty Y/n, not wearing a bra. This is how badly you wanted me to fuck you, right? So desperate, babygirl.”

“Yes, mommy.”

“Oh, man. Look at those tits,” she said, adjusting herself on top of you. Her calloused fingertips found their way to your nipples, pinching and twisting them. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head. 

She gave your nipples a few licks and bites before getting up. 

“Where’re you going?” you whispered, confused that she was leaving you half naked on her bed. 

“You said you would let me use you, right peaches?” her voice was hoarse.

“I did,” you swallowed hard, she was definitely up to something, you could feel the smirk on her face.

“We need a safe word, babygirl,” you could only see her back, she was kneeling down in front of her closet looking for something. 

“A safe word?” you stuttered, what would you need a safe word for?

“I promise you won’t have to use it, baby. But if you want me to stop or you dont feel uncomfortable just say ‘vanilla’, okay?”

“Okay,” you said, not sure what she was referring to but trusting her nonetheless. 

Once she faced you, you noticed that she was carrying a lot of things. Most of them were fun bright colours and they seemed to be made of silicone, but what made your core go wetter were the metal ones. What were those for?

“Okay,” she said as she placed them on the bed, “let’s take this off,” she gestured to your pants. 

You, being the obedient girl you were, followed her instruction, wanting more than anything to see what was next to come. 

“Such a good girl,” she praised, trailing her fingertip through your body. “Do you know what this is for, malyshka?” she grabbed one of the metal ones.

You shook your head. 

“Of course you don’t,” she smiled down at you. “This bad boy right here is to keep your leg spread out for me, can I use it on you?”

Even though she was the one in control of the whole situation and she was demanding you to do things you haven't done before, there was some tenderness in her words, which only made you want her more. 

You could only nod at her. The truth was you would let her ruin you in every way possible. 

You felt the leather cuffs around your calves, the metal bar in between your legs keeping them open as she had said. 

“What’s that one for?” you nod your head to a bigger leather cuff, two metal chains hanging from the middle of it. 

“Oh, we don’t need to use—”

“I want to,” you cut her off. You knew better than to go against her but you wanted to give your everything to her. 

“Fine, if you insist,” she smiled at you. 

She grabbed the thing and got on top of you. She clasped the leather cuff around your neck, making you gulp. The chains had clips at each end, your brows furrowed not understanding what those were for. 

Yelena could tell you were confused by them, she found the whole thing both arousing and cute. She felt lucky she was the one to teach you all this kind of stuff. 

“Now, these little guys go on these little ones,” she said, grabbing both clips and clapping them around your nipples. 

The soon you felt them around your nipples you felt this shock of both pain and pleasure, a soft moan escaped from your lips. You could feel your cunt was already dripping wet and she was just getting started. 

She got off of you, and took a few seconds to admire you. You were now completely on display for her, legs apart and a collar around your neck. Yelena thought you couldn’t look prettier but then again there you were, all cute and bothered, and most importantly all hers to do as she pleased. 

“What’s next?” you breathed out.

“Now these ones,” she grabbed two more leather cuffs and wrapped them around both your wrists. “Okay lift up your legs for me,” you did as she told you and then somehow she clasped the cuffs to the metal bar. 

You helplessly tried to move, but there was no use, she had completely restrained you.

“You look so good, detka. I want to take a picture of you looking all submissive for me,” she kissed your forehead and you could only smile at her words please that you were being good for her. 

You watched her as she grabbed a weird looking microphone, she pressed a bottom and the thing started doing a buzzing sound. 

Yelena lifted up your legs and pressed the thing right in your core, exactly where you needed her the most. A loud moan escaped from your lips as soon as the thing touched your skin. Your eyes once again rolled to the back of your head, finally getting some kind of actual pleasure. 

She traced small tight circles around your clit with the thing, making you whimper and setting your skin on fire. You wanted to close your legs, giving that the pleasure was all too much at once, and that was when you realised why she wanted the metal bat in between your legs. 

She was actually tourtung you, in the most satisfying way a human being could torture another one. She was giving you what you wanted, what you needed, but it wasn’t nearly enough. 

“Mommy, please,” you begged. 

“What is it, baby?” 

“I need you,” you gasped as she kept the thing torturing you poor clit. “I need you, mommy.”

“It’s okay, baby.”

She traced your entrance with her fingertips, gathering all your wetness. She licked her fingers, having a small taste of you and she couldn't help but moan at how sweet you tasted. She quickly moved her fingers back to your core, and slowly pushed her middle finger inside of you. 

As soon as you felt the pressure of her finger inside you, you once again wanted to close your legs, and you found it arousing the fact that you couldn't. 

She pulled back her finger and pushed one more back in.You felt your cunt being stretched out by her two fingers, making you whimper. While she was giving your clit attention with the white vibrating thing, she quickly found a perfect pace inside and out of you. 

It all soon became too much. The collar around your neck, the clips on your nipple, the bar in between your legs, the thing on your clit and her fingers inside and out of you. 

“Mommy, fuck,” you couldn’t formed words your brain too foggy to, “ I think I’m going to come.”

Yelena took that as a sign to get her pace faster, chasing after your release. You could hear the sounds of skin against skin as Yelena pushed her finger inside and of you. The closer you got to your orgasm the more you felt the need to close your leg given it was all too much for you. 

As tears formed in your eyes, you felt something in your stomach snapped as your orgasm took over you. Yelena didn’t slow down, and soon enough she found herself covered in your juices. You squirted, warm liquid coming out of your cunt, getting all the bed sheets and Yelena’s arms wet. 

Once you came down from your high, you realised what just had happened. You didn’t know you could do that, you have never done that. 

“Well would you look at that,” she said, “I think I just outdid myself, don’t you think, detka?” she had a grin on her face. 

You felt your cheeks go red but chucked at her words. She had in fact outdone herself. 

You felt your whole body getting numb and your eyes getting heavier. 

“You’re feeling sleepy, babygirl?”

You nodded at her, too tired to answer her. 

“You can rest now,” she said, unclasping the cuffs around your wrist and calves, but leaving the collar around your neck. 

Through your tired eyes, you watched as she undressed herself. You brows furrowed and Yelena noticed your confusion. 

“It’s okay, baby. You don’t have to do anything, alright? Just let me use you as you promised me, okay?” her tone was so kind but her words had other intentions. Still she was right, you told her she could use you as she pleased. 

She grabbed what looked like a double ended silicone dick and slowly pushed inside herself half of it, as a soft moan escaped from her lips you couldn't help but rub your thighs together feeling your core hot once again but were too tired to do anything about it. 

But Yelena wasn’t tired at all. She spread your legs open and adjusted herself in between you. You groaned as she rubbed the silicone dick along your slit. And then slowly pushed it inside of you. 

She started at a slow pace, in and out of you, getting you all hot and bothered again. As she picked up her pace, you could feel your second orgasm getting closer. And by the way her brows were furrowed, her eyes shut and her lips slightly parted you could tell she was close too. 

You grabbed her by her chin and pressed your lips against hers, her tongue soon finding her way inside your mouth, tasting every corner. She moved her lips down your neck and found your nipple. She unclasped the clip and replace it with her mouth. She sucked, licked and bit your poor nipple as she trusted even faster and deeper into you. 

“Mommy, I’m gonna—” but a loud moan stopped your words, as Yelena trusted faster and sloppier into you as she chased her own orgasm 

“Oh, fuck,” you heard her said before she cry out your name over and over again, reaching her orgasm. And you came right there. 

She came down from her high, slowly thrusting into you. Once she was done she lay next to you, both your breaths were heavy. She unclasped the other clip from your nipple and kissed your forehead. 

“You did so good, malyshka,” you had a sleepy smile on your face, already thrifting off to sleep. 

As you slipped away from reality, you felt her wrapping her arms around you and started singing some russian lullaby. 

Yelena watched as your breathing became slower and soon enough you were fast asleep. She chuckled at how tired you had gotten from a few little things. She wanted to have you like this forever, all to herself. But she couldn’t, she was an assassin for god’s sake. 

Or maybe she could, she just needed to come up with the right plan.

Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated! <3

-M

[rollercoasterwords]

i think a fun way to cause chaos in the marauders fandom would be 2 start posting about a new ship that's called "____flower" like "starflower" or "flowerchaser" or "moonflower" or "braveflower" or something where it could be like 16 different pairings and then every time someone asks tell them it's a different pairing but also hype it up so much that people can't ignore it so within 2 days everyone is posting about "braveflower" but everybody posting abt it thinks it's a different ship so people start arguing over who's right and going "ummmm no actually it's THESE characters" and then somebody else is like "wait i thought it was these characters." people go to the ao3 tags to try to figure it out but i have anonymously posted 20 different oneshots with the tag all of which are different pairings so nobody knows. everyone is trying to figure out where tf this ship came from but because it's now such a tangled internet web it's almost impossible to figure out who started posting abt it. people are getting angry and cancelling each other if they ship different versions of braveflower and claiming that their ship is morally superior bc someone else's characters are sibling-coded so it's incestuous but that person says oh yeah well your characters have a three-year age gap and that's problematic and then someone else is like ummmmm ur characters hated each other in canon so it doesn't even make sense and then everyone gets mad at that person for citing canon and it becomes such a cesspool of infighting that nobody's even trying to figure out what the ship was actually supposed to be any more they're all just arguing with each other and writing call-out posts cancelling anyone who doesn't ship their version of braveflower. after three days the entire portion of the fandom that uses fancy shipnames is in shambles but a few intrepid souls emerge from the rubble and wreckage determined to figure out where this all started. they eventually manage 2 trace the whole thing back 2 rollercoasterwords.tumblr.com but by the time they get here my blog has been completely wiped. it's gone. deleted. i'm a ghost in the wind. my ao3 fics? also gone. it's like i never existed at all. but every day the number of braveflower fics goes up. someone keeps anonymously posting them. every single one is a different pairing. who's doing it? nobody knows. nobody will ever know. the perfect crime.

[burntheedges-updates]

over again, chapter 2

This is my updates-only blog! Follow me at @burntheedges

Joel Miller x f!reader

summary: you fell in love with Joel Miller in Austin, Texas, in 2001, but you thought you lost him and your whole family in 2003 when the world turned upside down. now it's 2024, and you find the surprise of your life waiting for you in Jackson, Wyoming. or, five times you and Joel fell deeper in love, on both sides of the apocalypse (and one time you did something about it)18+ minors DNI chapter tags/warnings: fluff, light flirting, touching hands, hugs, cold/illness, light angst, a teensy bit of pining, teacher!reader (no specific details given in fic, it’s just your job from Before) a/n: This is Chapter 2: Breaking the Ice. I’ve done my best with the overall TLOU (show) timeline, but I can’t find a timeline that has the specific dates/months that Joel and Ellie passed through Jackson and returned. For the purposes of this fic they pass through in late November, 2023, and come back in April, 2024 (ish). Enjoy. :) word count: 7.4k

series main post | series playlist | ao3 | chapter 1 || chapter 3

Chapter 2: Breaking the Ice

Jackson, Spring 2024

You’ve been in Jackson almost four months when Joel and Ellie return. You have a couple of friends, but it hasn’t really been long enough to establish yourself in the community. You’re a bit of a loner. You mostly talk to Tommy, Maria, and some of the others who work the same jobs you do. Tommy vouched for you, which seems to have given you a real in with some of the people here, but you have to put in the work.

You’re still floating, still trying to settle, and not at all ready to return to teaching. You know Tommy told Maria about what you did Before but neither of them have bugged you about it. The idea of walking into a classroom fills you with both longing and dread and for now you’re still avoiding it completely. You and Tommy have both been surprised at how much you like working outdoors – you were truly an indoors-only person Before. The first time he caught you standing in a pile of horse manure three months ago he doubled over laughing and almost fell in it himself. You’re still getting used to being around someone who knows you so well.

Maria is slowly warming up to you, but she’s been a little distant since she realized stories about what Joel (and Tommy, not that she seems to mind that part) has been up to in the last 20 years don’t seem to phase you. You aren’t good enough friends yet to tell her the things you’ve done, the things you regret and the things you don’t. It’s not like you’ve been an angel yourself. You’re not surprised to learn that Joel did whatever it took to protect people, to survive and save his last remaining family member. You can imagine who he became when he thought you were dead along with Sarah. It’s the same thing that happened to you, after all. The same transformation.

After that first meeting at the gates (when you barely said anything at all to each other before Tommy swept all three of you away, ignoring Ellie’s obvious curiosity and her elbow to Joel’s side as you stared at each other in the road, unmoving) you don’t get a chance to really talk with Joel for a couple of days. You get it – you know Joel, the Dad. He’s settling Ellie in and your heart clenches because you can remember what he was like with Sarah. You haven’t thought about Sarah this much in years. 

(That’s a lie – you think about her every single day. But not like this, with two people nearby who knew her, too. It’s different somehow and it’s making you feel things you thought you’d forgotten how to feel. It’s probably best for you to get over that feeling, that hurt, that initial reaction at a distance. You don’t want it to touch Ellie. She doesn’t know you.)

So Joel and Ellie move back into their house, which happens to be next door to yours because Tommy Miller will stop meddling when he’s dead. You don’t talk to Ellie that first day, but you and Joel make eye contact as he stands on his front porch and you stand in the road where Tommy just left you. His eyes are soft and dark and so familiar (and longed for) that it hurts. He takes a hesitant step towards you and speaks his first real words to you in 20 years. The sound of his voice still sends shivers down your spine.

“Can we– I can’t today, I’m sorry, I have to– Ellie–“

“I know, Joel,” you interrupt. “She needs to settle in, and she doesn’t know who I am. Take care of that first.” When you say his name you see it hit him and pin him in place. It was the same for you back at the gate. You drift a little closer to their porch steps.

“I’ve had a little bit longer to sit with the idea that– that you’re still alive. I’ve been here a few months. I’m not going anywhere, ok? We can talk later. Maybe in a couple of days?”

As you talk he’s searching your face and you feel yourself doing the same. Looking for the person you knew Before. At your offer, he looks relieved. 

“Yeah, darlin’. In a couple of days.” 

You can’t hide your reaction to the endearment or the feeling that washes over you, once-familiar and almost frightening as it echoes from Before. You think he might have surprised himself with it, too. When’s the last time he called anyone that? Maybe the last time you heard it. For a moment you just stare at each other.

It takes Ellie poking her head out the door to jumpstart you both back into action.

Joel heads inside and you head home, but you can hear her start to grill him about you as they close the door. (Who the hell is that?) It makes you smile.

…

You spend that night staring at the ceiling of your bedroom, completely unable to sleep. Joel is here, alive, probably 50 feet away from you and just knowing that keeps you awake. The following day you move from your house to work and back again in a daze, avoiding the dining hall, trying not to stare at their house or worry that Joel is avoiding you when you don’t see them. By the next morning, two mostly sleepless nights since Joel and Ellie walked through the gates of Jackson, you’re exhausted. You get dressed and find yourself standing in your front hallway, talking yourself down from going to lean on Tommy for some information. It’s only been two days, like 36 hours, get a fucking grip.

It’s convenient, then, that you’re so close to the door when someone unexpectedly knocks on it. As you open it, your heart leaps into your throat. 

Joel Miller is on your porch. He looks flustered and worried. You can tell he’s been running his hands through his hair – it’s messy and going every which way, just like it used to whenever he was anxious about something. The only difference now is the brown is shot through with gray. 

“Joel? Is everything alright?” As soon as the question leaves your mouth you feel a bit of deja vu, but you have no time to analyze the feeling before he steps towards you and you lose track of the thought at his proximity. You step back to let him in.

“I’m sorry, darlin’, I know we need to talk, but Ellie’s come down with something when we got back. I’ve been taking care of her. I didn’t want you to think I’ve been avoiding you.”

He’s twisting his hands together in front of him as he speaks and you notice one is shaking. You almost reach out to rest your hands on top of his to soothe him, but you stop yourself. You’re not ready to touch him like that and you doubt he’s ready to be touched. You clench your hands into fists and hide them behind your back instead. 

“Oh no, is she alright? Do you need anything?” 

You realize as you offer that you don’t know what help you, an outsider, could provide — everything is different than it was Before, when you would have been in the same house helping with the sick child from the start. You haven’t even really been around kids in years. It’s a weird feeling and you’re not sure what to do with it.

Joel shakes his head. “No, we’re fine, Tommy brought some things by yesterday and this morning, she’s already on the upswing.” He crosses his arms and sighs, looking down at the ground between you unhappily. “But I need to go talk to Maria and some others, and Tommy needs to be there with me, and, well. I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind sitting with her for a bit?” 

He looks up at you from under his eyelashes, a hesitant look on his face. “Or, um, sitting in the house, just in case she needs something. She’s in bed, you could stay on the couch. I know you don’t know each other yet but I wouldn’t ask anyone else here to do this.” 

It doesn’t escape you that he said yet, that he implied you will get to know Ellie. It wakes something in you, something painful and raw and long-dormant, something you haven’t felt in 20 years. You have the sudden urge to run and hide and you twist your fingers behind your back, willing your feet to stay right where they are. It’s different somehow from the wave of emotion you felt a few months ago, sitting on the ground, tangled in your sleeping bag, shocked at the news that this man was still alive. It’s a feeling you’ve been running from since you realized Sarah must be dead. 

But you’ve basically never said no to this man, not about anything important. You aren’t going to start now.

“Of course, Joel. I’ll follow you over.” That feeling of deja vu is back, and you wonder if he isn’t feeling it too, as he tilts his head at you with a contemplative look on his face. He nods and thanks you and turns to go.

You suddenly realize you’ve been reading his expressions and mannerisms this whole time and you don’t seem to have lost your fluency with it. You wonder if he can still read you just as well, and if he can, what he’s seeing. You’re not sure, yourself. You can’t imagine what you’re giving away.

You shut the door behind him and take a moment, forehead resetting against the wood, to just breathe.

…

When you arrive at the house next door, Joel calls for you to come in from somewhere upstairs and you take a moment to look around. They haven’t even been there two days and they already have some belongings visible in the living room. The kitchen is in a bit of disarray, the way it normally gets when a kid is sick. That feeling that almost sent you running hits again, like an echo. You close your eyes against the memories of Sarah and you miss Joel reappearing at the top of the stairs until he calls your name softly. 

He’s stopped halfway down the stairs and beckons for you to follow him back up. You do and he leads you down the hall to what is clearly Ellie’s room – he goes straight in and sits beside her on the bed as you linger in the doorway.

“Ellie, this is—“ 

“I know who she is, Joel, you already told me,” she interrupts, rolling her eyes and then coughing a bit. The look of disdain she gives him is so classic teenager it takes your breath away. It’s so easy to recall Sarah doing the same thing. You can picture the same look on her face. 

You breathe slowly through it and hope your reaction doesn’t show. You smile, weakly. Ellie is stone faced in response, and she glances at Joel, looking to him to take the lead. He’s looking at you. You gather yourself. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Ellie, I’m sorry you’re feeling shitty.” She looks a little amused at your description but she doesn’t laugh. She’s clearly wary of you, which is fair. “I’m just going to be downstairs on the couch, call if you need anything, ok?”

With that you turn and head back downstairs, and you can see the relief in her expression as you do. You’re also relieved. She’s not comfortable around strangers, and for you the role of babysitter is sitting uncomfortably on your shoulders like an old coat that you outgrew and haven’t touched in years. You imagine it’s worse for her when she’s not feeling great. 

You hear their low voices for a few minutes and then Joel reappears on the stairs, brow furrowed.

“Are you sure she’s ok with this? I don’t want to make her uncomfortable.” You have to ask.

He looks at you and his brow relaxes, softening a bit. “It’s fine. She’s done nothing but sleep and grill me about you for the last two days, coughing the whole time. She’s just not so great with strangers. I think her curiosity’ll take over, she always wants to know everything. Besides, she’ll probably fall asleep.” You nod as he moves past you towards the door. To your surprise, he reaches out to touch your arm, so softly and briefly you wonder if he even makes contact or if you’re imagining it. You shiver, resisting the urge to hug your arms across your chest. You know it would look like a rejection. “It should only be a couple of hours.”

“We’ll be fine, Joel.” Through the open front door you see Tommy waiting for him outside, and he nods and winks at you before he and Joel make their way towards the center of town. You roll your eyes in response.

…

You spend the first fifteen minutes after they leave sitting on the couch, staring at the ceiling, thoughts racing. Something about this feels so much like Before it’s making you anxious, but you’re exhausted and you’ve spent 20 years burying or shying away from those memories. You can’t immediately recall why. When it gets to be too much you stand and head into the kitchen, looking for something to do with your hands. Thankfully there’s a pile of dishes waiting for you.

You’re almost done with the dishes, successfully avoiding thinking too hard about Before – or now, or anything at all – when you hear something and turn off the water to listen more closely. You hear your name called softly from upstairs and immediately dry your hands to go see what Ellie needs. 

When you arrive in her doorway she’s sitting up and fidgeting. 

“Hey, what do you need?” You put what is hopefully a neutral and helpful look on your face. You haven’t dealt with a teenager in decades but you remember well how they see through pretense. Sarah never turned down a chance to call any of you on your bullshit. 

She eyes you for a moment, glancing back at her lap where she’s gripping the blanket tightly, before saying, “Can I– Can I ask you some questions? About Before.”

Your eyes widen a little, you can’t help it, but you don’t want to shut her down. Before she can take your expression, whatever it is, as a rejection you say yes and move a little further into the room. She tenses.

“Sorry, I’ll stay over here. Can I get a chair?” She regards you silently for a moment, and then points to the corner to your right where you haven’t looked yet. There’s a chair with a jacket slung over the back. You nod and take a seat. 

“Ask away.”

She’s quiet for a moment, looking like she’s thinking. “So you were going to get married, Before. Right?”

You nod. “Right. Joel proposed in 2002, in December. He meant to do it on New Year’s Eve but he couldn’t wait and proposed early.” Ellie snorts, and then coughs a little bit. You keep yourself from moving towards her to hand her the glass of water on her nightstand. She doesn’t know you. And she’s a teenager, not a little kid. She’s older than Sarah. Don’t think about it.

“That sounds… romantic?” Her tone says that the idea of Joel doing something romantic is so outlandish as to be impossible.

You smile, a little bit sadly. “I know I’m different now, so I imagine he is, too. But he was always a huge romantic. We knew each other for a while before we actually got together, but once we were dating, it was like he couldn’t help it.” You’re suddenly glad you’ve had three months to think about him being alive. This conversation would have felt impossible when you first arrived in Jackson. Now it’s possible, just difficult.

“What, did he like, give you flowers?” The look on her face says she considers this unbelievable and slightly offensive, which reminds you so strongly of 13-year old Sarah you have to take a deep breath. You look away to make it seem like you need to think.

“No, well, he did a few times. But it was other things.”

“Like what?”

“He… well, he took me dancing. For our first date, and then pretty often afterwards.”

“Dancing?” She’s incredulous. “No way, I refuse to believe that old man can dance.” 

You can’t help but grin. “Yeah, dancing. That old man has moves.”

She scoffs and asks what else, clearly moving on from the dancing. For now, you assume.

“Well, we were both bad at remembering dates, but he never let an important date pass without doing something special anyway. He used to do little things for me before I even noticed they needed to be done, especially around the house. He never held back from telling me how he felt. He made it clear how important I was to him, and how much he liked having me in his life, by making space for me in it. I don’t know how much you want to hear about it, but … yeah, the man’s a romantic. No question.” You pause, and smile a little wryly. “Tommy can back me up, and his version’ll probably be way funnier. At our expense.” You feel something inside you start to thaw as you let yourself remember Joel this way.

Ellie looks like she's trying to hide a smile, which you count as a win. Then her expression shifts, and something makes you a little wary with how she sets her shoulders, readying herself to ask another question. 

“D'you want to get back together?” The look on her face says she isn’t sure that’s what she wants. Not at all.

You suddenly feel like you’re on a tightrope. You’re out of breath even though you haven’t moved an inch. You know you have to give the right answer here. But you aren’t even sure what it is for yourself, let alone for Ellie. Before you saw Joel at the gates you’d decided you wouldn’t let this second chance pass you by, but what does that actually mean, practically? For the people you are now?

“Ok, that’s a tough question, and no, I’m not blowing you off. I’m just going to be honest, ok?” You look down, lacing your hands together in your lap. 

“Joel and I were so in love, like head over heels for each other, 20 years ago. We both thought the other person died, and our kid did die. I’m… in shock right now. I think he is, too. I found out he was alive a few months ago, he found out I’m alive two days ago. Nothing feels straightforward or clear." You squeeze your hands together and clear your throat.

“I think we knew each other well enough to know what our lives might have been like in between, what we might have done. Or had to do. Maybe we imagined it sometimes. Um.” You pause to take a deep breath and glance up. Ellie is looking down at her hands. You can’t tell how this is going over with her but you keep going anyway.

“To answer your question… I never stopped loving him. He’s the love of my life. But I can’t say for sure what we’ll do until we talk, which we will at some point. It’s– it’s been too long to assume anything. To think everything is the same.” Your hands are shaking. You think you might be rambling, so you pause to get back on track.

“But that’s not the most important thing right now. You need to get better and you both need to settle in, you know? That’s his focus. As it should be. And I know he’ll talk to you about it. Whatever happens. I’m sorry I don’t have a– a clear answer.”

Your heart is beating fast as you finish. You can feel it in your throat.

Ellie is frowning as she meets your eyes again. She looks lost, her voice almost a whisper as she says, “I don’t… he has Tommy. And now you.” This admission clearly costs her, and she crosses her arms and looks away from you.

Suddenly you think you understand the conversation you’ve been having. You’re surprised and a little warmed by the fact that she was willing to say that to you at all. 

“Ellie, I might not know everything about what Joel’s life has been like for the last 20 years – not yet, anyway – but I do know what that man looks like when he’s being a parent.” You think you see her suck in a breath at your words. You swallow and continue, “it looks the same now as it did then. And yeah, you don’t know me, but I knew him, and going by my own experience? That part of him is still in there. I can see it. As far as that man is concerned, you’re his kid. No question about it. And that’s not something we take back. It just is, ok? It’s forever and it’s unconditional. I promise you, it never goes away. Not for us.”

…

After your conversation with Ellie, which you’re hoping went well but you’re honestly not sure, you’re completely wrung out and over your own feelings. You spend about 45 minutes puttering around the kitchen and living room to avoid feeling any more of them before you hear footsteps on the porch.

Joel opens the door, looking around and spotting you quickly. He looks worried, but his expression clears a little when he finds you sitting at the kitchen table. “Hey, everything alright?”

“Yes, everything's fine. She didn’t have another coughing fit, we chatted for a little bit and then she fell back asleep.” His eyebrows raise when you say you talked to Ellie. As he takes the seat across from you his boot nudges yours under the table and then moves away. You try to ignore the effect that tiny touch has on you. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It went well, I think? You’ll probably hear about it either way.” You finish with a little bit of a rueful smile, hoping she’s warming up to you and not the opposite.

Joel smiles a bit in response. “Thank you again, darlin’. I couldn’t put them off anymore and I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to be here with her.” He sighs, running his hand through his hair. 

“To be honest with you, I’m still in shock that you’re here for me to ask. I… well. It feels a little bit too good to be true.” He looks uncertain as he says it. You nod. You feel the same way.

“I know. I… it’s kind of surreal? I want…” you hesitate, but he’s watching you like nothing could be more important than how you finish that sentence. You decide to just let it all out. It’s worked for you so far today. 

“I know it’s been 20 years, Joel, but part of me has felt like everything is the same from the moment I saw you, which is confusing as hell, because the other part of me knows it can’t be and it isn’t. You don’t know what I’ve done, I don’t know what you’ve done. We’re not the same people. Even if it feels like it. Even if looking at you and hearing your voice feels—“ You clear your throat and look away. 

“Even if it feels the same. Even if I want… Even if…” you trail off, not sure if you’re ready to finish that sentence, after all. You realize you’re gripping your hands together so tight it hurts, and you slowly relax them and flatten them on the table in front of you. You take a breath before continuing, gaze trained on your hands. 

“It’s like we hit pause 20 years ago and neither of us knew for sure what happened so there was no closure, no clear explanation. I don’t know about you, but I don’t know how to bridge that time with now. How to remember that version of me, the one you knew, and be this me. How to… Joel, so much happened, and I imagined so many versions of you. What our lives would have been like.” You take a deep breath. “I guess that’s what we need to talk about.”

You look over, gaze low to avoid his eyes, and see Joel is clenching his fists a bit, like he’s holding back. You’d like to think it’s from reaching towards you but maybe that’s just wishful thinking. Maybe you shouldn’t assume you’re reading him as well as you think you are. Maybe you need to spend more time reminding yourself of the things you don’t know about this man. 

Before your thoughts can spiral too far, though, he does reach out. You watch as his fists relax and you track the movement of his hand as it lifts from the table and slowly extends towards yours. He’s trembling, you notice, and then you realize you are too. You can’t tear your eyes away as his fingertips lightly touch the back of your left hand where it rests on the table. You feel all of the hair on your arms stand up in response. 

“Darlin’, I…” he pauses, and you both hold your breath as your eyes meet. 

Time slows to a crawl. He puts more gentle pressure into your connection, sliding his hand over the back of yours, touching you with intent for the first time in two decades. His thumb moves lightly back and forth over your wrist, a soothing motion. All of your focus narrows to that point of connection, even as his gaze pins you in place. You can’t look away. 

Holy hell. His hand fully covers yours and squeezes. After the two barely-there touches you’ve shared today it feels almost obscene. His hand on yours in the present calls up memories of his hands on you Before and you're dizzy, spinning through your memories. You didn’t know you could still feel this way. Not even for Joel. 

He opens his mouth to say something and your gaze drops to his lips. You’re desperate to hear it, whatever it is, when suddenly the moment pops like a soap bubble as the more annoying Miller sticks his head in the front door.

“Joel! I brought food. Oh! Hey there, sunshine.” He greets you, and then grins at you. “Am I interrupting something?” He wiggles his eyebrows at you, which is so absurd it kickstarts you back into motion. You need to get out of here. 

“No!” You say a bit too loudly as you leap to your feet, breaking your connection with Joel. You feel its absence immediately. Your hand is tingling. “I should get going, I don’t want to intrude and I want Ellie to be comfortable so she can get better. Joel, I– do you want–“

He interrupts you and catches your eye to hold you in place, but he doesn’t move his hands from the table. “Yes, I do.” You’re glad he does. You aren’t actually sure what you were going to ask, but at least you’re in agreement about it, whatever it is. “We still need to talk. I’ll find you tomorrow?”

You nod, a bit wildly. “I’ll be at the stables all day but I should be home around four.” He smiles at you, starting to stand, and you make a beeline for the door, elbowing Tommy a bit as you pass him. He makes a big show of staggering away, moaning and overselling it, but he deserves it anyway.

As you turn onto the road, you can’t help but glance back at the house you’ve just left. The sight that greets you stops you in your tracks – Joel is leaning against his own open door frame, arms crossed, looking pensive as he watches you walk home. 

Suddenly it hits you, your tired mind finally recalling the reason for all of the deja vu, and your spine stiffens as you inhale quickly in surprise. You almost call out to ask Joel if he remembers. He has to, right? It’s basically what got you together Before and the similarities are almost too much for you to believe. Your eyes move down and back up, looking around the porch, taking him in. All it took to break the tension the first time around and get you to actually start something together was a sick kid.

As you meet his eyes again you’re sure that you’re both remembering it. He can see your moment of realization, and after that moment in the kitchen, you know he can still read you. The expression on his face is complex but you see affection and regret, weighed down by all the memories you share. He tilts his head and smiles at you, a bit ruefully. You smile in response, hugging your arms around yourself. 

All of your nerves and your worries about your upcoming conversation fall away – you still have enough in common with this man that you can have this conversation, without words, 20 feet apart. 20 years apart.

A moment ago you felt like the last few hours had scraped to the bottom of your emotional reserves and left you empty. But the smile you and Joel share sparks something inside you and you’re filled with a sweet, tentative anticipation that you barely know what to do with. It’s been years since you felt anything like it. 

Tomorrow.

…

Austin, Spring 2001

You were setting your coffee down on your desk, mentally starting your to-do list, when you were surprised by a knock at your front door. 

A peek through your curtains revealed your neighbor, Joel Miller, pacing agitatedly on your front porch. 

Ever since you met on the day you moved in almost six months ago Joel had been nothing but welcoming. And from the moment you met his eyes that day you knew you were in trouble. 

In some ways, you were typical, friendly neighbors. You saw the Millers almost every day, if only to wave at each other from your driveways on busy mornings. You’d been over to babysit Sarah for a short afternoon or evening a few times. They even had you over for a welcome-to-town dinner early on and you’d traded dinner at each other’s homes about once a month after that. 

But what was going to get you in trouble was Joel the Handyman. He did end up fixing some of your bookshelves after the movers broke them – stop apologizing, darlin’, I told you I’m happy to help – which led to him fixing more and more things around your house. Every time he came over to fix something he would spot another creaky cabinet door or leaky faucet or crooked light fixture and promise to come back another day to take care of it. You’d swear he came over to fix something every week. At this point you were surprised there was anything left to fix. 

You always sat nearby while he worked and the two of you talked about anything and everything – whatever funny thing your students had done that week, how Sarah was doing (with school and with soccer and with everything else), Joel’s frustrations at work, Tommy’s latest escapades. Sometimes it felt like Joel knew more about you and your day-to-day life than anyone, since your friendships at work were still new and you’d moved far away from everyone who knew you at home when you took this job. You always ended up talking for much longer than it took Joel to finish whatever task he’d had in mind, usually sitting together on your back porch or at your kitchen table until he absolutely had to go. 

(His visits also gave you the opportunity to watch him work – to watch him flex his shoulders and arms and to admire the muscles in his back and thighs, (mostly) unnoticed. You’d feel bad about it if you hadn’t caught him with his gaze locked on your legs in your house shorts more than once. And then there was the time he’d come over to fix the ceiling fan – he’d climbed a ladder in your living room while you stood nearby to hand him his tools. His chest had been only a foot or so away from your face and when he’d raised his arms his t-shirt had lifted far, far above his jeans. You’d lost track of the conversation, eyes locked on the dark trail of hair that disappeared into the band of his exposed briefs. You’d vaguely thanked whatever deity might be out there that he had forgotten to wear a belt that day. As he stood on his toes and shifted his hips his jeans had slipped a little lower, showing you just a hint of an outline of something you had to stop yourself from picturing. You’d gone quiet, distracted and far away until he coughed lightly and your eyes shot back up to his face. 

“Still with me, darlin?” He’d smirked at you, knowingly, but had gotten right back to work after, continuing the conversation like nothing had happened.)

It felt like you were always catching each other trading looks. The flirtation you’d started that day next to the moving truck hadn’t turned into anything more, but it also hadn’t faded into anything less.

Pacing on your porch that morning, Joel looked as handsome as always, but he was clearly distressed. His normally only somewhat unruly curly hair stood on end as if he’d been tugging at it.

“Morning Joel, something I can do for you?” you asked as you swung the door open and invited him in. Despite how frequently he’d been in your home to fix things it was still a surprise to see him before 8:00 AM on a Tuesday. 

“I’m sorry to bother you, darlin’, but I’m in a bit of a bind. Are you working from home today?” Joel asked as he stepped inside. 

“Yes, is everything alright?” It was clear that Joel was trying to be polite but something was making him more anxious than you’d ever seen him. He was alternately twisting his hands together or running his hands through his hair as he shifted his weight. 

“It’s Sarah. She—“

“Oh no, what happened?”

“She’s just sick, so she can’t go to school but Tommy can’t be here today and I have to go to a job site for a couple of hours. I managed to reschedule some meetings but not everything. Could you possibly come work over at mine for a bit, keep an eye on her? She’ll probably sleep the whole time, you know, but I just don’t want her to be alone, she’s not old enough yet–”

“Joel, of course, I’d be happy to,” you cut him off, trying to reassure him with a smile. “Take your time, I’ve just got a day of grading and reading planned. I can be there for her if she needs me.”

The look of sheer relief that broke across Joel’s face surprised you as he leaned forward, grabbing your shoulders and resting his forehead against yours. Your breath caught in your throat. 

“Oh thank you so much, darlin’. I swear I’ll call as soon as I’m on my way back. Do you need help grabbing anything?” 

As he stepped back Joel raised his left hand and trailed his thumb across your cheek lightly, almost so light you couldn’t feel it, then brushed his fingertips down your neck. You felt your focus narrow to the point where he touched your face before he stepped away, putting more space between you. Your whole body shivered. This is not the time for that. You blinked a few times.

“Oh, um, no I’ve got it. I’ll pack up and be there in a minute.” Get it together. 

…

About 10 minutes later you were raising your hand to knock at the Millers’ front door when Joel flung it open in front of you and invited you in. 

“Sarah’s back asleep upstairs,” he said in a low voice, “but I woke her up when I got back to let her know you’re here. Feel free to set up wherever you’d like. You can check on her in about an hour – I wrote down what meds she’s had and when she can have them again over here on the counter. I’ll call you in a couple of hours. But call me if you need anything at all, ok? And if she gets worse. And you know where everything is, I know–“

“Joel. Don’t worry, we got this.” You smiled and reached out to squeeze his upper arm, trying to reassure him. 

“I know you do, I know, it’s just—“ he looked worriedly up the stairs before he sighed, shoulders dropping a little, and quickly rubbing his hands over his face. He started to turn towards the door. 

“I know, Joel. It’s Sarah. But I got this, ok? I’m here for you.”

Joel paused, midway through his turn towards the door, and looked back at you. He tilted his head as he considered you, an unreadable expression on his face. 

“I know, darlin’. You always are.” He said, almost too quietly for you to hear. “I’ll —“

“You’ll call me, I know. Now get out of here, Joel Miller.” You pointed playfully at the door. Joel cracked the first weak smile you’d seen on him all morning, nodded his head, and left. 

…

You’d been working your way through your students’ papers for about 45 minutes when there was some movement upstairs. You quickly set everything down on the couch and moved towards the stairs. “Sarah? Are you awake, sweetheart?” You heard a quiet response but couldn’t quite make it out, so you headed up the stairs to check on her.

You found Sarah sitting on her bed, looking a bit woozy and still mostly asleep. “Hi. I have to pee but I’m kinda dizzy.” Her voice was soft and scratchy and she sounded congested.

“Let me help you. I’ll get you some water after, alright? And you can have more medicine and get back to sleep until lunch.” Sarah nodded sleepily and leaned on you as you moved towards the bathroom together. 

“This is kinda embarrassing,” she said softly, and you laughed. 

“More embarrassing than the Great Tampon Panic of 2000?” You nudged her softly with your elbow and she laughed, and then coughed. 

“Don’t make me laugh! No, nothing can beat the way dad lost it that day.”

You smiled, knowing you were probably both remembering Joel’s panicked sprint to your house over the summer when Sarah got her first period and the ensuing chaos. You had been living next door for about a month and you were all more comfortable around each other after that. 

After a successful, if slow, bathroom trip, you got Sarah another dose of her medicine and tucked her back into bed. “I’ll be right downstairs, ok? I’ll check on you again soon.” You ran your hand lightly over her forehead and hair to soothe her, but also to see if she was warm. She didn’t feel hot under your hand. Sarah nodded and was soon asleep once again. 

…

Joel didn’t manage to call until about two hours later. 

“I’m so sorry, darlin’, I wanted to call an hour ago but I got caught up. How’s my girl?”

“She’s alright. We had a short bathroom break and another round of cold meds and she’s asleep again. I updated your note.”

Joel sighed, sounding more tired than you’d ever heard him. “I'm hoping to leave in the next half hour, so I’ll see you soon, alright?”

“We’ll be here.”

…

Much later, around dusk, you were finishing up a stack of assignments when you heard a key in the front door. You set everything aside and turned to see Joel quietly shutting the door behind him.

“Welcome back.”

“Hey, darlin’, how’s she doing?” he asked, setting his keys on the table by the door and stopping to remove his boots. 

“She’s been asleep since she had some toast around lunch time. I peeked in there about 15 minutes ago but she was still out.”

He sighed, and looked towards the stairs, brow furrowed and clearly worried. “I was hoping she’d sleep it off.”

“She could still be doing that. When I did talk to her earlier she was groggy but still herself – she told me not to make her laugh because it made her cough.” You smiled a little. “And she didn’t have a fever when I checked a little while ago.”

Joel nodded and turned back to look at you. “Even when she feels terrible she’s still a force of nature. I can’t thank you enough, darlin’. I know it was a lot, and it took me longer than I hoped, but–“

“Joel, it was fine.” You cut him off. “It wasn’t a lot, it wasn’t even that long at all, and I did just what I would have done anyway.” You tilted your head towards your stack of graded papers on the couch. Joel turned fully towards you, hands on his hips, and tilted his head while he considered you. The unreadable face was back.

“You look mighty comfortable over there.”

“Oh sorry, let me clean up—“

“No, darlin’, that’s not what I meant. No need to rush out. It’s a good thing. You look good. Over there, I mean. Um.” He smiled at you, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, looking a bit sheepish. You knew what you wanted that to mean but you weren’t sure he meant it that way. Did you look good, or look good here, comfortable on his couch, in his home? You felt your face start to warm as you smiled at each other.

“Can I help with anything before I go?” You ducked your head a little and started shoving your papers into your bag. 

“No, I’ve got it. I’d invite you to stay for dinner as thanks, but I don’t think anyone in this household will be much company today. Next week, ok? Come over for dinner, maybe Sunday? Give her some time to get better first.” He took a couple of steps towards you, watching as you packed up your things. 

“You don’t have to thank me, Joel–“

“Come for dinner,” he interrupted you, catching your eye. “Please.”

You stood and found yourself only a foot or so away from him, which didn’t help you calm your reaction to him. “Ok, ok, you know I’d love to.” You smiled and Joel smiled in response. “I don’t need convincing.”

Looking satisfied, Joel turned and led the way to the door. You grabbed your bag and followed, noticing he was standing a little taller than he had been that morning.

You started to move past him towards the door, but before you could, Joel suddenly reached out and pulled you into a hug. You found yourself with your arms circling his waist as he placed one hand securely at your lower back and used the other to gently cup the back of your head. You pressed your face to his shoulder. So quietly you almost missed it, he whispered, “Thank you again, darlin’. I was still worried, of course, but I felt so much better knowing it was you here with my girl all day.”

You couldn’t help it – you sank into his arms a little, returning the hug tightly. “It’s never a problem, Joel. You know I love that girl.”

You felt more than heard a little hitch in his breath as he paused before slowly stepping out of the embrace. “Yeah, I reckon I do. We’ll see you Sunday, right? Let’s say 6.”

“I’ll be here.” You smiled, touched his forearm briefly, and headed out the door. 

You felt his eyes on you the whole way to your front door, and glanced back as you dug out your keys to find him leaning against his own door frame, watching you. When he saw you turn he smiled a little and raised a hand to wave, finally ducking inside his own house only when you did the same. It felt like something had shifted. Something more was brewing between the two of you.  

Sunday. 

...

a/n: see you next Sunday for chapter 3! I decided not to split this or the next one half, so the next chapter has parts in Jackson and in Austin. Also, fun fact - this Austin section for chapter 2 was the first part of this fic I wrote, back in April.

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@morgaussy @jay-zzle @bluetattoos

chapter 3 is posted!