#i have an exam in the morning and despite not studying and having a 90% chance of failing this course i feel literally nothing rn

[cariantha]

In a Mood

Book: Open Heart, Book 3 Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Sawyer Brooks) Rating: General Warning: Mention of pregnancy Category: Grumpy/Sunshine; Angst Word count: 1.3K Prompt: From @kyra75, “Sunshine is humming and singing constantly, while grumpy at best just tolerates it quietly.” A/N: This is a prequel to their proposal fic.💍Hope you don’t mind, Kyra, but I reversed the grumpy/sunshine roles.🤭

Ethan stepped out of the high-end jewelry store, twirling his keys around his finger and sporting an uncontrollable grin. He whistled a happy, upbeat tune as he walked down the block to where he had parallel parked. Settling into the leather seat of his Jaguar, he started the ignition and cranked up the stereo. Safely merged into traffic, his fingers drummed to the classic rock beat as he sang along. “l said, are you gonna be my girl… 🎵🎶🎵… I say you look so fine that I really wanna make you mine… 🎵🎶🎵”

Sawyer woke on the wrong side of the bed. Maybe because it wasn’t the comfy bed she became accustomed to. She’d been sleeping in Ethan’s for the better part of the past year but stayed at her apartment last night to start packing. Her lease ended in a couple of months, and despite Ethan’s offers to pay the penalty for breaking the lease early to encourage her to move in with him, Sawyer insisted on keeping her room until after her board exams. The six-foot-four, blue-eyed sex machine was too great a distraction when she needed to hunker down and study. 

Shuffling down the hall and into the kitchen, she found Sienna balancing a mixing bowl on her hip while she swayed back and forth, singing a Taylor Swift hit. When Sienna noticed her, she shoved a batter-coated spoon into Sawyer's face, suggesting she take over lead vocals, but Sawyer shook her head and grumbled. “Sorry, Sienna. I’m not awake enough for the Eras tour.”

The day continued in the same irritable fashion. She was fifteen seconds late catching the T. While she waited for the next one to arrive, a street musician embarrassingly circled and serenaded her with “The Lady in Red,” making her wish she had picked a different color jacket this morning.

Later, she watched from the gallery as Bryce led his first heart-lung transplant. He bobbed his head and lip-synced to a mix of 90’s alternative rock playing through the operating room’s speaker system. The intro to “Bring Me to Life” by Evanescence began to play. 

“Ohhh yeah,” Bryce hyped and looked to the gallery. “Brooks! It’s our song. Sing with me!” 

Not one to usually shy away from some lighthearted fun, Sawyer just couldn’t get past her funk this morning. “I’m good, buddy.” 

After a couple more headbangers, Sawyer wished him luck on the rest of the procedure and went back to work. 

That afternoon, Ethan suggested a walk to Derry’s Roasters. On the way, he began to whistle a chirpy tune. It was familiar, probably a melody from one of the arias from the opera they attended a few nights ago. “Ugh, not you, too,” she muttered. Ethan wasn’t usually a whistling and humming guy, but something was definitely in the air today, and she seemed to be allergic to whatever it was. 

“Did you say something?” Ethan asked. 

“It was nothing.” 

The annoying merriment continued into the evening hours. Music sounded from the Bluetooth speaker in the kitchen as her man prepared dinner. It wasn’t loud, but he sang along with the lyrics. Ethan Ramsey was singing! It should have brought a huge smile to her face and forced her into a fit of laughter, but for reasons she could not explain, it grated on her. 

She fake-smiled her way through dinner, not wanting to project her foul mood on her disgustingly happy boyfriend. When Ethan hopped in the shower and started humming another melody, Sawyer grabbed her phone and headed to the balcony. She texted her best friend, hoping Christian would allow her to vent.  

A couple of days had passed since her text exchange with Christian. Saywer’s moodiness was at an all-time high, though she tried to curb it, especially around Ethan. He had been so sweet the past several days and had done nothing to deserve her bite. 

Hoping a jog would burn off some of the negative energy, Sawyer headed to the waterfront. As she ran along the boardwalk, she made a mental note to shop for a new sports bra because this one felt like it was lacking support. With every pound of the pavement, her breasts ached. Midway through her route, she had to stop for a breather, her body heavy with an unusual fatigue. 

When another female jogger pushing a stroller passed and politely waved, a potentially life-altering thought occurred to her. One that detoured her to the pharmacy on the way back to Ethan’s apartment. 

Sawyer heard his happy tune when he entered the apartment later that evening. Finding her in the kitchen prepping dinner, Ethan greeted her with a “Hi” and kissed her temple. “I’ll be right back,” he said. 

As he put his things away and changed into more comfortable clothes, Sawyer could hear the song he whistled on his lips getting louder as he returned to the kitchen.

Even if she found his carefree mood annoying lately, she couldn’t deny him his happiness. Her heart hurt knowing there was an excellent chance he wouldn't be humming or whistling much in the days to come. Because Ethan Ramsey didn't see kids in his future. He said as much two and a half years ago. When she had asked him the question, the fMRI scan of his brain confirmed it.

Ethan stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her from neck to cheek. He greeted her with a proper kiss when she turned her face toward him. "How was your day off, baby?" he asked.

Baby. 

Sawyer hesitated before answering. With his hand splayed over her stomach, she wanted to say, "It was shocking, and I'm terrified to tell you because it's going to change everything." 

Instead, she shrugged and answered with a deceiving truth. "I went for a jog, ran some errands, and waited for test results."

Ethan kissed her temple again and gently moved her to the side to take over dinner prep. "Stop stressing over those test results, Rookie. You've got nothing to worry about."

Sawyer stepped behind him to hide the mist gathering in her eyes. She squeezed him around the waist, and to herself, she said, "Please let that be true."  

Tag List: @choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics @peonierose  @potionsprefect @trappedinfanfiction 

@jerzwriter @queencarb @coffeeheartaddict2 @quixoticdreamer16 @jamespotterthefirst 

@liaromancewriter @tveitertotwrites @tessa-liam @youlookappropriate @kyra75

@socalwriterbee @txemrn @midnightmelodiz @snoopdogcone

[ros3ybabe]

Day 21 - 90 Day Challenge 🎀

Yesterday (Tuesday) was also a pretty decent day, despite some small neighborhood stray dogs trying to attack me. Animal control snever showed up, so unfortunately, I have to call them again because I have some trauma with stray dogs and can't handle almost being attacked like that.

🏋‍♀️ Physical Health

35 minute back and biceps workout in the gym

10 minutes on the treadmill, 3 speed, 2 Incline

walked to and from campus

walked over 8k steps

looked everything I ate in my food journal

🧠 Mental Health

took my morning medications

♥️ Emotional Health

talked to my therapist just a little bit due to my insurance expiring keeping us from having a real conversation

📚 Intellectual Health

complete health and sport finals week discussion post

completed life cycle nutrition final exam

turned in my final group presentation for my cooking class

booked a study room for today to work on my final comprehensive video for my cooking class

🏘 Adulting

washed my towels and some miscellaneous clothes

planned some more Christmas gift ideas (gotta hit up target, ross, and marshalls soon)

zoom called my boyfriend

🥰 Self Love/Care

night time skincare (full routine)

washed my hair

planned out makeup, hair and outfit for today

went to bed at 9pm

I have my last final today and then after I turn in that video, I'll have completed my coursework for the semester and I honestly cannot wait to be done. I need these upcoming 6 weeks to recharge, honestly. Today my goals are to take my final, work on my final video, and make it through my 8 hour work shift tonight.

til next tie lovelies 🩷

[seltzerizfriend]

Logs for August 22 & 23

I'm combining these two and not putting that much effort in because I can barely generate enough joules of energy to not fall asleep sitting up.

August 22: Got in a good workout in the morning and studied for three hours for my precalc exam. However, I got a little more tired (mentally more so than physically) towards the evening and wasn't able to do as much studying as I wanted.

Breakfast (0950):

Oatmeal, 258 cals

Lunch (1410):

Deviled eggs, 185 cals

Buckwheat with relish, 194 cals (honestly if you haven't tried buckwheat yet its a great safe food and I highly recommend it because its low in cals (155 for a cup), filling, and nutritious. unfortunately it can be pretty expensive and difficult to find in the usa in my experience)

Sausage, 180 cals

Yogurt, 90 cals

Total: 622 cals

Snack? (1430):

Despite having a rather substantial meal, I was still hungry 20 minutes after eating and I decided to have a bit more food since I was still under and I hadn't eaten that much for a few days beforehand. Unfortunately, I did not stop to wait another 20 minutes after eating my first snack and right away started eating to satiety. This could be counted as a b*nge, but when I b*nge I usually premeditate it more or I completely lose control, and none of those things happened here so I am not counting it as one despite going over my cals for the day.

Bagel, 246 cals

Cream cheese, 100 cals

Chicken nuggets, 475 cals

Condiments, 83 cals

Protein bars, 420 cals

Milk, 163 cals

Total: 1487 cals

Dinner (2050):

Raspberries, 10 cals

Day total: 2377 cals

Exercise

45 minutes of various bodyweight exercises, 201 cals

Net total: 2176

August 23:

I had my precalculus exam in the morning, I don't think I did great but I think I passed. After that, I practiced my driving for a bit. I was planning to go for a walk, practice my languages, and go to karate, but I started having horrendous period cramps even with medication and was unable to do any physical activity so I just laid in a hot bath for 3 hours instead.

Breakfast (0800):

Oatmeal, 258 cals

Oat milk, 45 cals (i'm a big milk fan, but it does have quite a bit of calories even if its fat free (and i can't really stomach the taste and texture of fat free milk in the first place) and this delivers the texture without the calories. unfortunately its not as sweet as cow milk because that has lactose, a sugar, and this was unsweetened. but still it was pretty good and i can definitely get used to it)

Total: 303 cals

Lunch (1245):

Crab casserole, 295 cals

Banana, 121 cals

Total: 416 cals

Dinner (1915):

Egg salad, 316 cals

Seaweed salad, 15 cals

Lettuce, 4 cals (i am a guy who eats lettuce raw and plain and have been told that this is a red flag)

Banana, 121 cals

Total: 456 cals

Net total: 1175 cals

[alltoolewis]

All Nighter- Mason Mount ✨

Thank you so much for all the love recently on my writing! My heart has literally burst with happiness over the past week 😥 I can't wait to write even more things for you guys & if anyone has any questions, requests or ideas please send them in... my inbox is always open 🤍

Summary- Mason finds you cuddled up on his sofa after waiting for him to come back from an away game despite it being exam season...

Prompt- "You waited up for me..."

If there was anything someone should have warned you about when you first started dating a footballer, it would be the number of restless nights you'd have when they weren't by your side... it was a killer knowing that they were out and about traveling after a tiring 90 minutes to get home to you, while your suppose to sleep peacefully in your shared bed like nothing was happening! When Mason first asked you to move in a month ago, you made a secret pact to yourself that you would never let him come home to a quiet sleeping house, no matter how tired you were! However, you had yet to have a proper chance to stick it out as most away games he'd had were in London... that was until tonight!

"I'll call you later yeah?" Mason whispered, crouching down in front of the couch as he pecked your cheek softly not wanting you to get too distracted with your exam only being 2 days away. Looking up quickly, you grab his hand pulling him back down to you to give him a proper kiss "score a goal for me..." You mumble on his lips, causing his lips to tug into a smile "I'll try my best darling..." Giving your mouth one last peck, he got up grabbing his bags as he gave you a final wave "Make sure you get plenty of rest after studying... I'll see your pretty face in the morning!"

Giving him an untruthful nod, you smiled "I will do handsome... good luck! I love you!"

"I love you too... make sure you have something to ea-" Rolling your eyes you leapt off the couch, practically pushing him out the door as laughter filled the room "I will be fine you big softie..." You giggle, pushing him fully out the door making sure he had all of his stuff as you run your hands through his hair "Your going to Liverpool not Australia... calm down, I'm fine..."

"I'm sorry." He sighed, taking your hands in his "I just now how stressed you get when studying and with your exams being only 2 days from now, I don't want you to neglect yourself again... not like last time!" Your last exam season was so bad that you ended up in the hospital due to a lack of sleep and nutrients you had. It broke Mason in two seeing you lying there with an IV drip attached to your arms feeling like he could have prevented it all somehow, so he promised himself that he'd always be there to make sure you'd never get that way again.

Cupping his cheeks in your hands, you kissed his lips "I promise you I will never let it get that bad again, Mase. I'll have my dinner, study a little more than & then I'll have some rest... stop worrying!" Mason felt a rush of relief from your words, knowing that you always tried 100% to keep a promise!

"I'll believe you I suppose..." Mason smiled, pecking your lips before pulling you in one last hug "Love you honey.."

"Love you to Mase... See you later!"

As soon as the door was shut and Mason's car was gone from the driveway, you bolted straight up the stairs. Immediately grabbing all of the blankets and pillows you could for your midnight stay up. With the game only being in Liverpool you knew there was a high chance of him being back before midnight, but with the press afterward and then commute back up to London you didn't want to take any chances.

The rest of your evening was spent hunched up on the couch, studying books in hand as you watched the lead-up to the match. Your cheeks flushed pink every time they'd mention his name like you were some love-struck teenager who can't even see their crush without getting all giddy! Keeping at least one of your promises, you finally pack up your books once kick-off was only 10 minutes away, running into the kitchen to make yourself some quick dinner and coffee before vacating back to the couch where you sat intrigued for the next 90 minutes. Before dating Mason you hated football, not finding the idea of watching 22 grown-ass adults kicking a ball around a field entertaining at all. But with attending the games and Mason always having them in the background, you grew to adore it! Now spending most of your spare time finding out transfer news and keeping updated with different games across the globe... you have to admit that at first you did it to talk to Mase but now you turned addicted for your own self!

Throwing your hands in the air when the whistle blew full time, you cheered along with the crowd as Mason once again got another goal & assist! Obviously taking your little comment before he left very seriously! Your heart burst with pride every single time they would show him on the screen, the familiar redness on cheeks and his chest puffing up and down after another 90 minutes of non stop effort from him!

Pulling your phone out you sent him a quick 'so proud of you🤍' before switching off the game, instead opting to put on a marvel marathon that you knew would help you stay up for the next couple of hours for your boyfriend's return! & it was actually a lot easier than you thought!

You were too engrossed in the scene in front of you to hear the door slam softly shut. Mason thought it was unusual that the living room lights were on when he pulled up, you were the type of person to check everything 10x before you went to bed which told him that you might not have actually taken his advice about resting. That was confirmed when his head popped into the living room, finding you in the same position as you were when he left watching the same film you seen millions of times with the same shocked expression on your face.

Feeling a stare upon you, you looked up. Finding Mason leaned against the door with a goofy grin on his face, immediately opening your arms out for him to climb into, which he accepted without hesitation. "I'm so proud of you, Mr goal scorer.." You whispered in his neck as he held you tight to his chest, continuously pecking your temple with a big smile on his face "You waited up for me..." Mason smiled, causing you to lift your head up to look at him with a matching grin on your face "I thought I told you to rest darling... it's midnight!"

"In my defense, I stopped studying just before the game.." You smirked, pointing across the room to your packed up books "I haven't been doing anything for the last couple of hours apart from resting, watching Tom Holland, and seeing my super talented, hot, gorgeous boyfriend kill it in Anfield!"

"Thank you, baby..." Mason mumbled on your lips, pulling away from you to lean his head on yours "Still think you should have rested like I told you to instead of pulling an all-nighter..."A part of him was a little mad at you for not taking his advice and resting, but as he saw that goofy little smile on your face his anger was quickly placed with nothing but love instead "It's good job your adorable y'know!"

"It's one of my many charms" You smirked, pecking the bridge of his nose before cuddling back into his chest "Now stop talking, it's the best scene!" Mason chuckled as your eyes went back to the TV to watch your favourite scene of the whole film "I suppose we're not going to bed yet are we?" Mason laughed as you looked at him with a disgusted look on your face. "Of course not! At least not until this has finished!" Looking up at him with soft eyes, you brushed his hair "Unless your tired then of course I don't mind..." Mason's heart burst at how you always found away to think of him, even when your in a goofy mood. Shaking his head he pulled you back down to him...

"Nahh sweetheart, ." Mason smiled, kissing your temple "I'm never to tired to spend time with you.."

"I love you Mase.." You whispered into his chest, your words going to straight to his heart. "I love you so much more... missus all nighter!"

[daebakinc]

Ghost

Pairing: Sunggyu x Reader (G) Prompt: Ghost Word Count: 1.4K

~Admin V

             You used to think of yourself as being good at math. In high school you were asked to tutor students before exams. You even got to skip finals because your average was above 90%. But now you were in university and you found out you were not good at math.

             Maybe it was that you didn’t have class everyday like in high school or that you were expected to read the math textbook on your own and understand it. Whatever the case, where you used to bring home As you were now getting Cs, and that was only because you turned in homework and participated. When the homework was returned to you, it was full of mistakes and marked up.

             You didn’t have any friends in class, so you couldn’t have a study buddy. It was also unfortunate that tutoring times were during your class and work schedule. You just hoped you’d be able to retain enough formulas to help you pass the final so you would never have to take math again.

             You sat in your dorm’s common room with your book open, half hoping someone would see your pathetic attempt at studying and come save you. No one did.

             You’d erased the problem you were working on so many times, that as your eraser skidded across the paper this round, it ripped it. Out of anger you balled up the paper and threw it at the wall.

             A shower. That would give you some reprieve from this hideousness. Maybe after you would have a clearer mind. You left your book with notebook inside on the table. If someone wanted to steal it, at least you’d have an excuse for not doing it.

             You took extra time, washing your hair, exfoliating, just standing under the hot water, anything to delay the inevitable.

             You dragged your feet back to your room and put on pjs before going back to the common room. You took a deep breath to brace yourself for what would take you the next few hours.

             When you opened your book, you were confused. On your notebook were all the problems set up. Then, the problems were mostly solved out. All that was missing was the final step and the answer.

             You looked around. Who helped you? You looked at your notebook again. Whoever helped you was very smart. They broke down the problems in more steps than what the professor showed you. It made it so much easier to solve. You were able to complete the homework in no time.

             “Thank you!” you called out when you finished. You skipped happily back to your room. You’d actually be able to get some sleep tonight.

              The next week, math went smoother because you were able to use the new breakdown to solve the new problems given. The following week was a different story, however. Once again, your professor expected you to read and understand the textbook to know how to solve these new equations and memorize the different formulas.

             You found yourself once again in the common room, waiting for someone to help, or at least the person who helped you last time to reveal themselves. No one came.

             You sighed. You closed up your book and notebook and left them on the table again. You needed a break, so walked back to your room to make some ramen. Maybe food would help you focus and think.

             Again, you took your time to savor every noodle. You even sipped the broth slowly. Too soon it was time to go back to your math homework.

             You groaned as you sat down on the lumpy sofa. You opened up all your books ready to work. You gasped. Someone helped you once more! The formulas were written down clearer and equations broken down more simply. You just needed to finish solving them like last time.

             This time when you finished, you took a leaf of paper from your note book and left a note on the table. Thank you, Mystery Math Wiz!

              The next day you walked in the common room to see if anyone responded to your note. Unhelpfully, there were a few responses. You’re welcome. No problem, my good bitch. Fuck math. There were also a few uncreative penis drawings. You threw out the note then decided to try something different later that night.

           After midnight you went back with your math book and notebook. You left them closed as you had previously then went back to you room and slept for the night. When you woke the next morning, you hurried to your math book. You pulled out your notebook and sat on the lumpy couch.

           First on the note was the message you left:

           Dear Mystery Math Wiz,

           Thank you for helping me with the math homework. Do you like cookies? Tell me your favorite and I’ll make you some to return the favor!

           Then, to your happy surprise, there was a response.

           Dear Mathematically Impaired,

           I just couldn’t take the torture of watching you countlessly butcher equation after equation. I don’t eat. Just leave your supplies next time you need help.

           It wasn’t in the realm of what you expected. Couldn’t take the torture of watching you . . . Where were they watching you? It was normally empty in the commons when you did the homework. Now you were a little creeped out. And then the, I don’t eat. Everyone eats. Maybe they just meant no cookies. You didn’t dwell on it too long. Regardless of the strange response, they had helped you with the impossible. And at least they didn’t draw a penis.

           A couple more weeks passed. You left your books in the common room with your notebook as suggested. You left another note as well. After working on art history homework you came out to see if MMW had been to help.

           Success! They organized how to do the new assignments. You looked at the note you left.

           Math Wiz,

           I am infinitely grateful for your math help. Is there anything I can do to repay you? We have a big test coming up. Would you be open to meeting in person for some tutoring? I’m okay with meeting late since that seems to be when you have time.

The Response:

           Math Impaired,

           Really, just seeing the math done correctly is thanks enough. I don’t think meeting will be possible. Just leave tabs and circle the things you need help with. Think of it as me studying with you in spirit.

           The notes and math help continued for the rest of the semester. All that was left now was the final exam. Because of the Mystery Math Wiz, you actually felt prepared.

           You sat in the common room writing a farewell note to them.

           Math Wiz,

           The final is tomorrow. Wish me luck! Thanks to you I think I actually stand a change of pulling a decent grade. It’s funny though. I’m happy math is ending, but I’m sad I won’t have this fun communication with you anymore. Are you sure you can’t meet up? I’d like to think we could be great friends. . .

           “Hi, are you okay?”

           You looked up mid-sentence. A very handsome, but very pale guy stood in front of you. He had a kind of charm, despite his out of fashion clothes.

           You closed your notebook. “Uh, hi. Yeah, I’m okay?”

           The guy chuckled at your confusion. “Sorry. You just looked sad.” He sat down in the chair next to the couch.

           “Ah. I guess I am. I’m sort of writing a goodbye letter.”

           He looked at you curiously then looked at your math book. “A sad goodbye letter to math?” He smiled.

           You smiled back. “No, that is a happy goodbye. There’s a friend who helped me study, but now that math is ending I don’t think we’ll be in contact anymore.”

           “Ah. Well I’m sure it’s nothing to do with you. School life can be busy.”

           You crinkled your forehead. “I guess. I just really wanted to show them how thankful I am. They were a real life saver. I just know we would’ve been great friends, if they’d given it a shot.”

           “Maybe you would’ve if things were different.”

           How vague. “Who did you say you were again?”

           He smiled again. “I’m Sunggyu.”

           You returned his grin and introduced yourself.

           “Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. I’m sure your Mystery Math Wiz knows how much you appreciated the help. You don’t seem too mathematically impaired anymore.”

           “Yeah, you’re right.”

           Sunggyu nodded and got up.

           “Hey,” you called after him. “Maybe I’ll see you around?”

           He turned and smiled once more. “Not likely.”

           That threw you. You looked back to your notebook. What an odd response. But . . . did he say Mystery Math Wiz? Was he . . .

           “Sunggyu!” You looked at where he just stood, but no one was there.

[apollostears]

COLLEGE STUDENTS [ bts ]

↬︎ group: bts

↬︎ warning(s): cursing and weed

↬︎ featuring: yoongi, hobi, jin, & namjoon

PLOT. hcs on what type of student i think hyung line would be in uni since i just remembered that they are in uni.

maknae line

*photo credits belong to the wonderful people who made these collages that i found on google, exported from pintrest*

↳︎ kim seokjin

jin is definitely the type of student who studies hard and then studies even harder.

he only joins clubs that are relevant to his major. if there is a club that’s outside of his major that he finds an interest in, he still won’t pursue it. why? bc it would be a waste of time. [according to him]

it’s the first week of classes and as soon as mans gets all his syllabi, he’s making a thorough calendar and getting started on what he can.

is actually a stickler on getting books at an affordable price, but he’s also not gonna settle for something dingy. definitely HATES being scammed!! will spend hours searching for the best prices and quality.

despite wanting to be prepared on the first day, he won’t get many materials until he gathers all of his information. definitely knows better than to pre-buy.

has a strict morning routine. claims it helps him ‘stay on track’. however, he can be flexible with scheduling when given a proper heads up. he doesn’t mind making time for others in between his studies! [ we stan a flexible king ]

i feel as though he’s the type to prefer solo studying over group studying. jin is always down to help other students, but he isn’t big on studying actual material with them. it throws him off and makes it hard for him to actually focus.

is the type of tutor/classmate to not give out free answers. sorry, but that ain’t finna work boo. as stated, he will help his classmates, but if he sees they aren’t putting in effort and are only there bc they think they’ll get a free pass, it’s a hard no from him.

i don’t peg him as the type to believe in cramming. he just can’t do it, like it’s impossible for him to cram. must be nice he will review notes again the night before, but he will not try and learn the entire lesson seven hours before an exam.

definitely the type of student to make awesome study guides though! has note cards filed a certain way and makes practice quizzes based off of said cards.

if there’s ever a group project, he’s the one to inadvertently end up doing the entire thing himself. but don’t fret, jin will expose his groupmates for inadequacy like the king he is.

jin comes to class five minutes early and is always listening to some type of calming music to help stimulate his brain. without it, he can’t reach his full capacity.

he always has a packed lunch. ALWAYS. meal preps for the entire week; breakfast, lunch, and dinner. the only thing not included, is snacks and those are just random things from the vending machine. if his friends want him to, he’ll meal prep for them as well.

is apart of model UN. i do not make the rules. also thought about running for school president but honestly didn’t have the patience for it.

while jin seems to have a lot on his plate, he does a fairly good job at managing his time so that he is not overwhelmed and still has time for a social life outside of school.

↳︎ min yoongi

yoongi is a mess to put it shortly. not a complete mess, but he doesn’t have his shit fully together like mr. kim seokjin.

he’s an athlete in uni, there on an athletic scholarship for basketball. 90% of his time goes towards the sport and not his studies.

struggles to find a decent routine for a minute, but eventually finds one during second semester.

yoongi probably gets tutored by jin a lot because of his hectic basketball schedule and not having much time for lessons.

but don’t be mislead, yoongi is definitely a diligent student. his grades are super important to him and he’s not the type to slack off.

doesn’t care too much where or how he gets his books, just that he gets him before the first exam.

if he joins a club, it’s the music club. and he’s a prodigy in that. it astonishs everyone that the star of their basketball team is such a music nerd.

yoongi sits in the back of every single class. it’s literally so he has a chance to nap at least once throughout the day before a long afternoon of practice and homework.

as much as he tries to, yoongi can never turn his work in early. he’ll always start on it, but gets distracted and won’t finish it until a day or two before it’s due.

he honestly doesn’t see the true purpose in college, or tests, or homework and projects, but he does it because he wants to have a better chance at making it in the real world.

is the number one poster boy for procrastination and cramming. he doesn’t know how he does it, but he’s managed to keep a solid B average so far.

was definitely a little undecided first in his major, but after speaking with his advisor, he figured it out.

yoongi is another type that prefers to study alone, but depending on whether he had the time to actually learn the material, he’ll choose to study with someone else.

despite being a star athlete, yoongi doesn’t go to parties. nor does he care for them. between his busy scheduling and school work, parties are at bottom of the list.

he’s more to himself, thus leading him to only having a few friends, but he doesn’t mind this at all.

when basketball season is over, yoongi might go to a party or two if his friends really want him to, otherwise he’s sleeping for most of the semester. like, mans is nowhere to be found. if he’s not in class, at the library, in the music studio, or training for the nxt season; he’s in his room sleeping peacefully.

overall, yoongi is the type of student who has too much going on and we all wonder how they even survive.

↳︎ jung hoseok

JHOPEEEEEEEE

aight so now that that’s out of the way, hobi is the type of student who literally lives one day at a time.

he keeps a pretty vauge agenda that only has due dates in them so he remembers to do his assignments.

when it comes to books, he’s indifferent to prices and honestly just buys the first version he sees.

turns in all his work at least a week early. no particular reason other than the fact that he has a shit ton of energy that needs to be spent.

captain of the dance team and probably in some type of fashion or design club.

a huggeeee social butterfly! like i could see him being apart of student council and loving the campaign aspect of things.

number one advocate for volunteer work. all of the boys particpate in volunteering, but i see hobi doing it the most.

knows all of the tea. and that’s literally because everyone wants to tell him their problems, so he just knows.

shows up to class happy af and just instantly brightens the room.

all of the professors love him.

probably gets into weed but it doesn’t create his mood, it just amplifies it times ten.

the type to show up to a party an hour after it starts because he was busy at another one. definitely goes to at least two parties in one night.

is definitely the dj at said party.

doesn’t actually study, but always manages to get at least a B or an A on every test.

is not the best tutor. like, at all. please do not go to this man.

literally the student that has no idea wtf is going on, but just that they’re glad to be there.

probably dabbled a bit in being the school’s mascot for awhile.

sometimes makes desserts just because and hands them out free of charge. also likely to have a side business making edibles bc smoking weed is a bit risqué.

is always the speaker in group presentations and is usually in charge of the visuals as well. he’ll have note cards for the presentation, but always ends up adding his own little flare to it.

somehow gets the school to have the slogan “i’m your hope, you’re my hope, i’m j-hope” as apart of the school’s brand. he gets paid for it btw.

speaking of brand, is definitely in every school advertising video/brochure/webpage. probably speaks at high schools on behalf of the university.

probably has an actual job working at the university’s coffee shop on campus. he claims it to be a ‘great way to meet new people’

hobi is the type of student to enjoy his college years to the fullest extent and encourages others to do the same.

↳︎ kim namjoon

namjoon has somehow found the perfect balance between school and fun.

prefers ebooks over physical books because, ya know environmental shit. always has the best websites and deals for online versions of books.

unlike jin, namjoon emails all of his professors a week before classes to see about getting the syllabus early to prepare. you can never be too prepared 😉

always shows up to class right on time and never leaves early. schedules things to be after his day is done so that he doesn’t risk tardies. because he knows he’ll slip up real quick if he isn’t on himself.

after a heated discussion with the dean of students during his polisci class, namjoon found himself as the student body president. king shit.

is also apart of honors clubs and some type of environmental club as well. helps hobi grow weed.

doesn’t make study guides, but will sometimes ask jin to help him organize a study sheet for an upcoming exam.

his notes are strewed and are similar to a flow-chart. he attempts to cleanup his notes after class, but it never really works out so he leaves them as is.

namjoon doesn’t advertise tutoring services. like yoongi, he’d much rather study by himself than study in a group. however, he will offer help if/when he can.

a straight A student. makes dean’s list literally every semester and has a 4.0 gpa, i don’t make the rules.

book smart but has barely any streets smarts. (same baby...same) he’s v good at giving wise advice, but some things really go over his head.

doesn’t spend too much time at parties but will at least attend one each semester. will go to all of yoongi’s basketball games with the boys.

seen as the older brother/dad to a lot of underclassmen who go to him for help in different areas of life. for some reason, they seem to think he has his life together.

spends a lot of his time in the library when he can. checking out a new book everyday. it’s a goal of his to read every single book by the time he graduates.

does weightlifting with yoongi and a few other players during their off season bc he wanna be big boi too 🥺

always has some type of beverage with him in every class. definitely has to pee several times throughout the day, but you will never see him without a drink.

hobi is his vice president in student council and is also a school ambassador with him. the both of them heavily involved in student life.

is a BIG advocate for pets on campus. wrote a whole thesis on why they’re important to student life and was able to convince the board to allow them.

everyone knows him but he doesn’t know everybody. he’s good at remembering faces, but he really doesn’t get to formally meet that many people due to his hectic schedule.

namjoon definitely tries his best while in university and it pays off in the end. the type if student to literally go above and beyond for the people he leads.

*join our taglist:* @olamidey @pimpnameyannie @simplyskz-maya @knjkitten @valkryienymph @sweeneyblue1 @entanglements

strike through means i can’t tag you/find you👎🏾😔

[threeletterslife]

Insurrection (It’s About Time)

→ [4/7] of the Glossary Series

→ summary: If you told Park Jimin he was going to fall in love with a young cult leader, he would've laughed. But honestly, who's laughing now??

→ pairing/rating: jimin x reader | PG-15

→ genre: 90% angst, 9.9% fluff, 0.1% crack | high school!au

→ warnings: death, mentions of suicide, academic dishonesty, cult-like activities, profanity, school threats (bombs & shootings)

→ wordcount: 18.3k

→ a/n: this is a story that is near and dear to my heart. it actually kind of hurt to write because a lot of these scenes are similar to my experiences or the experiences of loved ones. i’ve had this idea for almost two years now and i finally decided to write it out. i hope you enjoy (:

Jimin is punctual. In fact, he is on another level of punctuality. At any given event, he arrives at least fifteen minutes early. For what reason? His answer would be 'just in case.' There are a plethora of events that can go wrong, a multitude of catastrophes that can erupt in his face last-minutely. Jimin's not going to take any chances jeopardizing his own future.

Especially his future in education.

Much accordingly, since he is exceedingly punctual, Jimin can not—for the love of god—stand people who dilly dally. The atrocity of them to dare to be late and waste others' time!

This is the exact reason why he absolutely despises his calculus teacher.

I sacrificed my goddamn lunchtime studying for this exam. And now he decides to be late.

Jimin's hands shake violently as he brings up his notes to his face, eyes boring into the paper filled with equations and example problems. Hands clammy and sticking to the paper, he balances himself on the balls of his feet and rocks in an attempt to try to settle his spiked nerves.

This is definitely not a good way to start off finals weeks.

Jimin has exactly an 88.3% in AP Calculus BC, and a morbid B+ will do no good in his future—at least that's what the school propaganda and his parents say. He'll have to score extremely well on this fall semester's final exam, especially because his teacher refuses to round up the grades.

Goddamn. He's really late. Late to his own final.

Jimin starts biting his nails again. At this point, there isn't much nail to bite left, but he manages to gnaw at the skin around it. It's a small habit that goes far; he does it when he's nervous, but nail-biting always does such little to do away with his gargantuan amount of stress.

In frustration, Jimin lets out a massive sigh, clutching at his chest where his lungs threatened to collapse on him. His stomach feels tight and queasy, which doesn't have much to do with the fact that he hadn't eaten. He is just anxious. Unlike the others around him.

Next to Jimin, Jeon Jungkook, his friend, casually leans against the brick wall, eyes focused on his phone screen as he mumbles nasty profanities under his breath. "That's motherfucking right, die, bitches," he mutters. Jungkook moves his body along with the avatar inside his game. He's so into it that his eyes gleam when he reigns victorious. "Ha!" he screeches, throwing up his hands. "Fuck you, you cowards! I win!"

Jungkook finally looks up from his game and meets eyes with Jimin. He grins. "Hey, bro, wanna log on too?"

Jimin's mouth hangs open with a mixture of complete surprise and utter disapproval. "We have a final this period, Jungkook. Aren't you the tiniest bit worried?"

He regrets asking that because he knows the answer he's going to get.

"No, not really," Jungkook snorts. He looks back at his phone screen and hoots. "Fuck, yeah! He's not here yet! I think I can squeeze in another game."

If Jimin's parents knew that his friend—aside from his straight A's and musical accomplishments—played video games, namely Fortnite, to pass time, they'd probably transfer Jimin to another school. A school that could be worse than this one. Which might as well be a prison.

Jimin shakes his head, harshly gripping his notes and looking away from Jungkook. Jimin doesn't want to admit it, but he's jealous. While he's stuck having a mini internal breakdown over the teacher's tardiness, Jungkook's taking the extra leisure time to play some shitty mobile game.

It's unfair. Jungkook gets his straight A's without moving so much of a goddamn muscle. While Jimin, on the other hand, has to stay up until four in the morning every other day, studying or doing homework from the moment he's awake to the time he goes to bed. He will never understand why, despite his grueling efforts, that he has a fair share of B's in his transcript.

It's a shitty, unfair system. But then again, it was set up to be unfair, anyways. Here at Welton High School, every student has taken a rigorous entrance exam, of which only the top 25% scoring students are accepted. Every student is well above average—they are students from all over the world and have probably never heard the word 'average' spoken to them in their entire lives. Until they faced Welton, of course. Now of the top 25%, only 1% can truly be special.

Jimin sometimes thinks that when he was accepted to Welton, he must've been barely at the cut off line. He speculates that he must've been in the top 24.99%, and was very lucky that he wasn't waitlisted.

He worked twice as hard from freshman year until now, junior year, to be on level with the young, walking Einsteins of Welton. But no matter how hard Jimin tries, he has never been able to outsmart the intellectuals who were born to change the world with their IQ's alone.

Competition is way too fierce.

No, Jimin thinks. Competition is deadly.

And it is. Student suicides, school shooting threats (from the students), student protests... Teenagers crack under pressure. But what can Jimin do about it? The system's shitty, yes, but he has no choice but to follow it, or else the promise of a stable future goes down the drain and into the sewer. For that exact reason, Jimin studies like there's no tomorrow every day.

Wake up. Go to school. Eat. Study. Sleep (if he's lucky). Wake up (sometimes). And do it all over again.

So fine. Jimin's jealous of Jeon Jungkook. Because he doesn't seem to put in the effort for his perfect grades. And it irks Jimin. But it shouldn't. Jungkook's his friend, so Jimin should be happy for him.

It's hard though when the person you're closest to is so far beyond your league that you begin to think yourself inferior to them.

"Sorry, class!" Jimin's calc teacher huffs as he nearly spills over his coffee while skidding to a stop in front of the classroom door. "We've lost time for the final! Get in your seats, take out a pencil, eraser and graphing calculator! Be ready in your seats so I can pass out the exams!" he orders in a frenzy.

How can you be so irresponsible? Jimin thinks, glaring daggers at the back of his teacher's head.

He's almost blinded by rage until he realizes what he's really here for: to take the test. Right. His stomach flips at the thought. Jimin shoves his notes into his backpack, wincing when he hears some of the papers ripping.

Shit, this is the moment. He's been dreading this exact time for weeks now. Each step into the familiar class makes him feel like he's walking the plank, inching closer and closer to his impending doom.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Jimin feels a migraine creeping in already. I don't know if I can do this.

Next to him, Jungkook is still playing Fortnite. Jimin doesn't know if he should spitefully tell his friend to stop or to let him continue. God, it's not fair.

Jimin's teacher is all over the place, holding his cup of coffee while also carrying dozens of test booklets in the other hand. For a split second, Jimin wishes his teacher would spill his coffee on the tests. Maybe that would delay the final. Maybe Jimin would get his first stroke of good luck in the nearly three years of high school he had already faced.

But luck is not on Jimin's side today. It never was.

The test booklets make it out in perfect condition, and Jimin's slightest bit of hope is crushed when his teacher finally sets down his coffee on his desk.

"Get your tests! Come on, pick them up!" his teacher shrills. Jimin breathes in deeply. At this point, he's just going to accept his fate. He might as well accept a B+ in this class. God, I feel faint.

"Don't write on the test," the teacher continues. "The scratch paper is up here if you need it and—"

The loud, blaring fire alarm interrupts him. It echoes deafeningly through the class, the raucous noise piercing through Jimin's ears to such an extent that he covers them with his hands. Jimin shakes in his seat, making eye contact with Jungkook.

For once in his life, Jungkook looks confused in a class setting. 'What the fuck??" he mouths aggressively to Jimin.

What the fuck, indeed.

Sometimes, the administration liked to schedule secret fire drills to get the students and staff better prepared in case of a real emergency. But really, during finals week? When students are already nerve-wracked from exam season? God, they had no shame for fuck's sake.

Jimin's teacher sighs, running his fingers through his head of unkempt hair. "All sorts of things happening today," he mutters to himself. "Must be a mistake," he declares with an affirmative nod of the head. "Class, as I was saying before—"

"Holy fuck, the other classes are evacuating!" Jungkook shrieks, pointing out the classroom window. Sure enough, teachers are already herding their students outside to the evacuation areas on the soccer fields. "I don't think this is a dr—"

Before Jungkook finishes his sentence and the teacher disciplines him for his explicit choice of language, the intercom buzzes, momentarily halting the horrendous fire alarm. Everyone freezes and it goes completely silent. So silent that Jimin can hear his own heartbeat.

A loud crackle and another buzz ring from the intercom, then the principal begins to speak in a hurried voice: "This is not a drill. Please proceed to evacuate out of the buildings. Thank you."

The moment he finishes, the intercom crackles again and the fire alarm carries on.

Jimin's anxiety flies to the roof. Not a drill? What could've possibly happened?

His teacher looks almost as—or even more—shaken as Jimin and he yells panicked directions to the students. "I'll be the last one out! Meet me at our safety corner on the field!"

Jimin quickly finds Jungkook and the two of them walk side by side out of the building. As soon as Jimin can see the sky, he looks up instinctively to check for smoke. But there is none. In fact, the sky looks clearer than normal today.

"Do you even think there's a fire?" Jimin asks his friend. He almost lets out a scoff of disbelief when he sees Jungkook playing his mobile game again.

"No idea," Jungkook replies nonchalantly, jabbing at his screen with his thumb. "Don't think it's anything serious. Probably just a small fire in chem class. Nothing to worry about."

Jimin's still uneasy. "You don't think anyone's hurt, do you?"

At that, Jungkook hums, his forehead creasing slightly as he finally shuts off his phone and pockets it. "There's no ambulance," he points out. Jungkook turns to Jimin fully, grinning at him to Jimin's shock. "Loosen up, Jimin. This is junior year. We might have a chance at canceled finals because of this real evacuation! Now isn't that nice?"

"I guess..." Jimin mumbles. But I need the final to raise my grade...

It's strange to see his peers smiling and laughing as they walk side by side with their friends. It's almost as if the fire alarm isn't threateningly blaring in the background. Do none of them care that this could be a serious matter??

"By the looks of it, we're definitely going to skip the calc final today!" Jungkook shouts victoriously, pumping his fist in the air. "No more fucking math!"

"True..." Jimin admits nervously. "But he might have to take the final after school..." He's almost too embarrassed to say that he needs this final to raise his grade.

Jungkook snorts. "Welton's not allowed to keep us after school with such short notice," he says. "If things go right, we might not have finals for the rest of the day."

When Jungkook puts it that way, the thought sounds heavenly.

"Yo! Bros!" a familiar voice calls, breaking Jimin from his reverie. "Y'all okay? We could've literally died!"

It's Taehyung, Jimin's other friend. The only guy in the whole school who's unafraid to use the word 'y'all' and be judged for it.

"Man, I heard the girl's locker room caught on fire!" Taehyung announces.

Jungkook cocks an eyebrow. "Unless you were in there, how would you know?" he teases.

Jimin laughs as Taehyung huffs disapprovingly. "Some girls told me. I would never sneak in there," he pouts, crossing his arms.

"Really?" Jimin says. "How would the fire have started in there, though?"

"Oh, you'd be surprised to see what goes down in the girl's locker room," Jungkook says, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"What went down so hard to cause a fire??" Jimin asks.

"Nah, don't believe him, Minnie," Taehyung laughs. "Jungkook probably sneaks in there from time to time to be a little perv."

Jungkook shrugs, unfazed by the accusation. He even plays along with it. "Well, I need something interesting to do in my high school career."

At that, Jimin and Taehyung shoot each other a look. Them and a majority of the students at Welton don't have enough hours in the day to study, let alone to seek for 'something interesting to do' in their high school careers. It's so like Jeon Jungkook, the genius, to say shit like this.

"Whatever, y'all," Taehyung says. "I don't even care what happened. We're still alive, you know? I'm just glad I'm missing out on that stupid physics final."

"Lucky," Jimin says. "I'm supposed to take that shit tomorrow."

"Uh, yeah, if there even is a tomorrow," Jungkook says, scrolling through his phone. Jimin thinks he's playing some mobile game again, but he soon realizes he's reading something. "It's not a fire in the girl's locker room after all..."

The three boys immediately stop walking, Taehyung and Jimin looking over Jungkook's shoulder to read what was on his screen. It's an email sent from the principal to all attending students and their guardians:

Dear Welton Community,

Today at approximately 12:48 pm, an unidentified caller phoned in a bomb threat to Welton High School. The caller stated seven pipe bombs had been planted on campus and were going to detonate in 25 minutes. The Police Department was called and immediately responded. Along with them, the School Administration decided to evacuate all buildings and bomb-sniffing dogs were called to search the entire school. When they have completed their search, I will send out another message to our community with the all-clear.

Thank you.

Bombs. Bombs?!?! Jimin panics again. Actual bombs! Seven pipe bombs could do serious damage—maybe even decimate half of the population of Welton High. What if they go off? Will this really be the end?

"Well, that explains the excessive amount of helicopters flying above us," Jungkook says, shrugging.

Before Jimin can shoot his friend a look of utter incredulity, he hears the sharp voice of his calc teacher. "Jimin! Jungkook! What are you doing out of line? I'm taking roll!"

"The Grinch is calling," Jungkook snickers. "We'll see you later," he tells Taehyung who salutes the two of you.

"See you guys," Taehyung says before sauntering off to his physics class.

"Text us!" Jimin calls.

Taehyung doesn't turn around but gives two big thumbs up indicating that he had heard Jimin.

Quickly, Jimin and Jungkook get in line while their dratted teacher takes roll. Once they see that their teacher isn't eagle-eyeing them, they slip out their phones, opening their group chat with Taehyung. It looks like Taehyung had already sent them multiple texts. All cries of pity.

Group: dead men + kook

[half-dead cowboy]: y'alls

[half-dead cowboy]: literally save me

[half-dead cowboy]: idk anyone in this class

[half-dead cowboy]: keep me entertained

[half-dead cowboy]: don't leave me hanging

[half-dead cowboy]: guyds

[half-dead cowboy]: guys*

[nO yOu]: serves u right for deciding to take physics ii lmfaoo

[half-dead cowboy]: shut up kook

[half-dead cowboy]: where's my boi minnie when i need him

[lil dead man]: Shit Tae I keep forgetting to tell you not to call me that

[half-dead cowboy]: you know why?

[half-dead cowboy]: because you not-so-secretly lobr it

[half-dead cowboy]: ugh

[half-dead cowboy]: love*

[nO yOu]: how did u even get in welton tae lmfao u can't even spell

[half-dead cowboy]: no

[half-dead cowboy]: i can SPELL i can't TYPE

[half-dead cowboy]: there's a difference you jerky

[half-dead cowboy]: ARE YOU KIDDING ME

[half-dead cowboy]: jerk********

[lil dead man]: AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

[nO yOu]: i feel quite honored to b called a jerky

[half-dead cowboy]: stfu

[nO yOu]: no for real bro

[nO yOu]: thank you

[lil dead man]: Back at it again with the sarcasm Kook

[lil dead man]: Anyways what's the girl's locker room like ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[half-dead cowboy]: not the lenny face

[half-dead cowboy]: please no

[nO yOu]: nO yOu

[lil dead man]: How long have you been waiting to say that

[nO yOu]: months

[nO yOu]: thanks for noticing. u my man

[nO yOu]: also if tae won't say anything bout the girl's locker room i will

[lil dead man]: What the fuck bro I thought you were joking when you say you knew the shit that went down????

[nO yOu]: lmfao i'm still jokin chillax minnie

[half-dead cowboy]: i hate you guys :((((((

[nO yOu]: damn that frowny face has 6 chins holy mothatruckafucka

[half-dead cowboy]: :(

[lil dead man]: That's more like it!!

[half-dead cowboy]: hold up hold up

[half-dead cowboy]: oh shoot y'all hearing this?

[nO yOu]: no?? we're texting? wE hAvE nO vOicE

[half-dead cowboy]: no you illiterate f*cks they just cleared the school the bomb threat as phony

[lil dead man]: Whew

[lil dead man]: I'm happy I won't blow up into smithereens but also pissed off as fuck that we'll have to live to take finals??

[nO yOu]: agreed, minnie

[nO yOu]: k but more importantly

[nO yOu]: tae did you just censor out a fucking cuss word

[half-dead cowboy]: i'm trying not to cuss as much anymore if you haven't noticed. but y'all make it f*cking hard. f*ck

[lil dead man]: We'Re sOrRy wE'Re bAd iNflUenCe

[half-dead cowboy]: :(((((((((((((((

[nO yOu]: 15 chins lets git itttt

[half-dead cowboy]: F*CK Y'ALL

It feels strange. The shortened school day had been so eventful... but also uneventful? Sure, there was a bomb threat, but it had been fake. Jimin thought a full-on Hollywood action scene would've commenced after the bombs detonated, but the bombs were never there in the first place. There weren't any finals either. All of them had been rescheduled to take next week, which was good news for most students.

It wasn't just good news, too. It was great news. Superb news. The best news students have gotten since they began attending Welton High School. Now, students are thanking the bomb threat for its rather impeccable timing. Some are even pissed that it hadn't happened earlier (so more finals could have been missed).

"We need to celebrate this once in a lifetime opportunity!" Taehyung announces as soon as the three boys are reunited. "It's not every day that a bomb threat cancels your finals!"

"We deserve a break, anyways," Jimin says. "I'm down. Kook?"

"Mm..." Jungkook makes an unintelligible sound at the back of his throat as he pauses his video game with the tap of his finger. "Sorry guys. Can't. Have to go somewhere."

"You?" Taehyung gasps dramatically. "Have plans?"

"And without us?" Jimin says, feigning a hurt expression. "Are you ditching us?"

Jungkook rolls his eyes. "No. I'm just... busy."

"Ha! Busy," Taehyung snorts. "Yeah, busy with that little sophomore girl you've been—cough—seeing."

"What the fuck," Jungkook scoffs. "How do you know about that?"

Taehyung opts not to answer the question, instead, he giggles. "It's a date, isn't it?" he sings.

Jungkook puffs out his cheeks in annoyance. "Fine," he says, slipping his phone inside his back pocket. "It's a date."

"Oh, we are so following you," Taehyung says.

"Don't you dar—"

"No, we're following you," Jimin grins.

"No, I swear to fucking g—"

Jimin and Taehyung are following Jungkook. The boy's surprisingly agile as he zig-zags around stumpy trees, tall bushes and overflowing trash cans. Sometimes, he quickly looks behind him as if to see if someone was trailing his back. Every time, Jimin's heart sinks with the fear of being caught, but Taehyung seems to love the thrill of the adrenaline rush.

At this rate, Jimin feels like an outlaw. But he's only just chasing his rather suspicious-looking friend. Or maybe he really wanted his relationship with the sophomore girl as a secret?

Or maybe there was no sophomore girl in the picture at all. Jimin's not too sure.

"It's as if he doesn't want anyone to know he's dating a teeny weeny 10th grader," Taehyung whispers, a mischievous grin stuck on his lips.

Yeah. If the girl exists. But Jimin doesn't say that. "I wonder who she is," he whispers back. "I mean, who on earth is worthy of dating our Kook?"

"My expectations for this girl are high," Taehyung snorts. "She better be the most intelligent girl I've ever—wait, what the fucK??"

The latter is more of a reaction. Taehyung grabs Jimin's arm, pulling him to take refuge behind a particularly bushy bush. He points at a rather unsettling scene unfolding before them.

Through the leaves of the shrub, Jimin can make out Jungkook, all right. There's also a girl—who might be a sophomore, standing confidently on a tree stump. Jimin doesn't even know if you go to Welton. But what makes the whole situation peculiar is that there are others—including Jungkook—gathered in this little half-forest clearing. And they're gathered around the tree stump in which the girl is standing on.

Jimin tries to make a rough estimate of the number of people—seemingly students because they're all wearing backpacks— in his head. Twelve? Maybe fifteen students? He's confused, furrowing his brows as he squints at them through the bush. "What's this shit for?" he whispers to Taehyung who looks equally confused.

"No idea," Taehyung mutters. "Looks like a cult," he snorts. "But it could be a stupid Fortnite club for all I know."

"I doubt that a club would meet at such a sketchy place," Jimin murmurs to himself.

There is something definitely fishy going on here...

Jungkook blends in way too easily in the crowd of supposed students. The only person that stands out is the girl. The one on the tree stump. She stands casually, favoring her left leg. She's petite, but her posture and stance emit an aura of valiance and authority. Her eyes seem to sparkle with determination and her lips are curled up in a happy smile. A... victorious smile.

"That's her!" Taehyung whispers aggressively. "The girl I've seen our Kook with! The little sophomore!"

Ah... She's a sophomore... Jimin nods, cocking his head as his eyes scan the group of students to see if he recognized anyone other than Jungkook. He sees a few seniors (that he can't quite remember the name of) and finds it weird that they're huddled below the sophomore girl as if waiting for her command.

Whoever she is, she's the leader. The president, maybe? Of whatever club this was? If it even was a club, that is.

Jimin's thoughts are proven when the girl clasps her hands together, taking a deep breath before bellowing out a "Thank you for coming!" She offers a friendly wave to everyone looking up to her (literally) in awe.

Jimin has never seen the genius himself, Jeon Jungkook, respecting an underclassman before. Even the seniors in the crowd look at the girl approvingly. As if she were a queen and not just the president of a small club.

The girl speaks again in her light, lilted voice, turning to a lanky boy with unkempt blonde hair covering his eyes. "Yoongs! Attendance, please?"

"Perfect attendance, Y/N!" the boy deemed as Yoongs reports back to the girl. He winks. And she—Y/N—blushes.

Jimin frowns. What was going on???

You giggle, looking fondly at Yoongs before returning your attention to the rest of the crowd. "So, our experiment worked as expected," you say, shrugging rather casually. "I did feel bad for wasting people's time..." you trail off, unsure.

Experiment? Jimin feels chills run down his spine when he realizes you probably mean the bomb threat.

"It was worth it, babe!" Yoongs calls from the group.

You smile. "It's always worth it," you reply. "I'll make today's meeting short for those of you working on college apps and the others of you participating in competitions."

You're so casual in the way you speak—as if the people you were looking over were your friends. But you're also entrancing. As if everyone else has to be silent to hear what great words you have to say. And apparently, you have a lot on your mind to share.

"As I always say," you start, "never waste your time on your grades. They don't define you. Nor will they shed a light on the person you are inside. Nevertheless, everyone here should have straight A's..." you smile, looking over at Yoongs. "A round of applause for Yoongi's excellent coding skills for which we would've never been able to pull this off without them!"

The crowd erupts in enthusiastic applause, leaving Yoongi beaming from his proud accomplishments.

You wait for the crowd to simmer down before speaking again. "We tricked and cheated the system," you admit. "You might have doubts about that. Morality and integrity may play into your thoughts. But," you take a dramatic pause, "how moral are grades, really? They're tools for adults, which is as far as it goes. Teachers corrupt the system, watch silently as all hell breaks loose from the intense student competition... They make it a game. They know you'll do anything to get the letter grade you want," you take a painful breath. "We're only fighting against something that is as equally as or more morally ambiguous. The world cares about you as a human. They won't care about a robot that spits out impeccable grades but has no soul, no passion, no life. They want you at your best—what you can do that will benefit others. We don't need to take part in something as trivial as our high school grades, do we?" you smile as the students around you cheer.

"Of course... college is a different story. Depending on the college you go, that is..." you trail off. "When you start to learn about things that you have a genuine interest in, that's when grades might matter. But for now, struggling this hard on obscure subjects that you'll never touch again after graduating from Welton? I say it's a good thing we're cheating the system. How great was the system anyway to have contributed to three student suicides in the last two years?"

There's a collective murmur as students nod their heads.

"A moment of silence for Heegyung, Bonsoo and Chaewoon, please," you say, voice barely above a whisper but everyone hears what you say and they all bow their heads down to obey. You, yourself, close your eyes. Your face is etched with pain and actual remorse, which makes Jimin feel a little guilty he wasn't truly mourning the students' deaths.

After a few minutes pass, you clear your throat, blinking your eyes open and waiting for the other students to look up at you again. "Ah, yes," you say. "Thank you for the short mourning period we were able to squeeze into this meeting... But now to get to the purpose of this gathering," you pause for a split second before continuing again. "The finals you will have to take next week shouldn't be as stressful as other school days. Apply our methods and you'll be fine. If you need extra help, text me as soon as possible." You pause again, but this time, it wasn't to gather your thoughts, it was to shift the mood of your speech. A bright grin settles on your face.

"Now, for the moment we've all been waiting for!" you exclaim. "Let's give a special round of applause for Jeon Jungkook and Min Yoongi for their collaboration on this excellent evacuation plan!"

The crowd does more than applaud. Students whoop, yell and chant their names. But Jimin's not in a celebratory mood.

Jungkook did what?? Jimin shoots Taehyung a panicked look. It was one thing to realize that this group of students probably somehow organized the bomb threat, but it was another thing to realize that Jungkook was a large part of it.

"It was extremely difficult to create an automated call that couldn't be traced—" you begin.

"Eh, it wasn't that bad," Yoongi shrugs nonchalantly. "Child's play."

You laugh, eyes twinkling as your turn to Yoongi. "Well, thank you," you say. "Ah, and as for Jungkook, thank you for volunteering to use your voice to record the bomb threat. It must've been so nerve-wracking."

Jungkook snorts, shaking his head. "All I really did was speak into a mic. And we totally distorted my voice. Severely fucked up the frequencies and all that."

Jimin's blood runs cold. He looks over at Taehyung with his eyes wide. His friend isn't faring any better with his jaw clenched and fists tightened.

"It took an immense amount of courage to sacrifice your voice for an experiment like this," you say, smiling down at the older boy. "Oh, yeah! How's your album going, by the way?"

Jungkook beams. "It's going great!" he says happily. "I've been having so much fuckin' time to work on it that the whole process has just been insanely smooth."

"Love that!" you say. "Productivity at its finest, right?"

Everyone nods eagerly.

"Well!" you sigh, placing both of your hands on your hips. "The meeting's officially over, now! Please text me your work progresses, guys. They're due before midnight. Thank you so much for coming!"

"Thank you for hosting it, babe!" Yoongi says, rushing over to help you off of the tree stump by offering his hand. You take it gladly, stepping back on the dirt ground.

You start waving at the students who begin to file out of the meeting place. When Jimin sees them start to move towards him and Taehyung, he grabs his friend's arm. "Shit, Tae, we've got to—"

"Hey, Jungkook?" you call. The boy turns around, looking at you expectantly. "Can you please tell your two friends that hiding behind a bush is quite ineffective?" You giggle when Jimin falls to the ground in shock. "Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung, was it?"

Jimin's in shell-shock, unable to move or dust off his pants. How the fuck did you—

"You can come out of hiding, you know," you reassure them with such a honey-like quality to your voice that it's almost impossible to resist. "We don't really bite," you giggle. "But... I mean, Yoongi might," you tease, earning a flirtatious shove from the boy.

At your invitation to quit hiding, Taehyung jumps out from behind the bush, dragging Jimin along with him. "Who the fuck are you and how do you know our names?!" Taehyung roars.

Guess he already gave up his no-cussing streak, Jimin sighs. But he's also glad that he's not the one who has to stand up for both of them.

"Don't be so rude, you ass," Jungkook scoffs. "Motherfucking stalkers. I told you not to follow me."

Stalkers?? We were just looking out for you! Jimin thinks. "We're sorry, Kook," he manages to say. "But you lied to us! And more importantly, you obviously haven't been telling us things."

Jimin's frankly hurt by his friend's lack of honesty, but it seems so that Taehyung is more vocal about it.

"Yeah, Jeon Jungkook, what the fuck?" Taehyung yells. "You're a cheater!" he accuses Jungkook, stepping closer and poking at his chest harshly with his pointer finger. "You're a fake! You're a bomb threatener!!"

"Wait a minute!" you cut in. "Let's not get into accusations like that so early. Jimin, Taehyung, I—"

"How do you know our fucking names?!" Taehyung screams. "We don't even know who you are, you cheater!!"

"Watch it," Yoongi says dangerously. He tries to take a step forward, but you stop him, placing a hand on his arm.

"I'm Y/N," you say. "We're all students of Welton, so there's no reason for the animosity. Besides, I memorized the yearbook." You shrug, but you gesture apologetically to Jimin and Taehyung. "I'm very sorry, but I didn't invite you two to join our little group for a major reason. Of course..." you trail off. "Now you have to join... For safety reasons."

"Little group?" Taehyung snorts. "Where did the specificity go?"

"Hmm," you hum. "What do you think about a school revolt?"

Jimin does not like the idea of a school revolt at all. It sounds stupid. Students would never be able to pull it off. Even Taehyung, who's usually more open-minded than Jimin, seems skeptical.

You ask Jimin and Taehyung to meet up in Panera, later that day with Jungkook, to discuss the specifics. By the time Jimin and Taehyung get there, you and Jungkook have already saved a corner spot in the cafe.

Jungkook's eating pieces of sourdough bread while you sip your frozen lemonade. It looks to Jimin and you and Jungkook are getting along as both of you gesture wildly as you speak. You even let out a large laugh after Jungkook says something funny.

Jimin feels weird interrupting the already happy conversation, but Taehyung seems to have no problem. Taehyung slides into the seat next to Jungkook, leaving Jimin to sit with you.  Jimin suddenly feels very self-conscious about himself.

"Glad you two could make it!" you chirp, setting down your frozen lemonade. "Want anything to eat or drink? They have hibiscus lemonade here and it's literally amazing!"

"I'd rather you cut to the chase," Taehyung says, frowning as he folds his arms.

Jimin agrees with a short nod.

"Oh," you say, "sure!"

"You said something about a school revolt," Taehyung says. "Explain."

"God, would it kill you to say please?" Jungkook rolls his eyes. "She's doing you guys a fucking favor. Man, if Yoongi was here, he'd whoop your asses."

"It's fine, Jungkook," you say. "I get how confusing this can be... Our little group has one goal," you start. "I want to help struggling students. You know what Welton is... Ruthless competition. Kids cramming without actually understanding the material. Rote memorization... Wasting time by doing four pages worth of math homework every night... Way too specific reading quizzes that have nothing to do with the storyline of the novels..."

The more you talk, the more Jimin begins to relate.

"It's horrible," you sigh. "That they're making us become a servant to the school. They use the students to boost the credibility of the teachers. They thrive off of our hard work, you know."

"They're bitches," Jungkook snorts. "Never really care for us. Remember Chaewoon? He told his counselor about his suicidal thoughts and she didn't do shit. He might still be alive with us if the counselor cared."

You nod. "Yes, our mental support system at this school amongst the grown-ups is preposterous," you say. "There are too many problems with Welton. And I reach out to deserving students to offer them a solution."

"A solution?" Jimin mutters.

You turn to him, nodding politely. "Yes! A solution. Students have dreams, Jimin. Taehyung, don't you ever wish you could be putting in your time somewhere else instead of studying for a subject you don't care about?"

Taehyung nods. "Who doesn't wish that around here?"

"Exactly," you say. "I'm offering you, Tae, and Jimin a great chance to follow your dreams. High school is when you feel the spark growing inside you. The spark is an extracurricular or a hobby of some sort that you've always loved with your whole heart. You probably had to sacrifice a lot to join Welton's elite debate team, right Taehyung?"

"Never even liked debate that much," he answers. "I had to quit theater for that shit."

"And you couldn't do both because...?" you say.

"Because the debate coach told me theater would interfere with the debate practice schedules," Taehyung says. "And he said that debate is much more intellectual than theater. He said that I won't be able to balance my studies with both debate and theater."

"Exactly," you say. "It's utter bs, don't you think? Why do we have to sacrifice our hobbies, our passionate dreams to do what some adult tells us to do? You do realize that they put down the arts because they want their smartest students participating in their intellectual or STEM-related activities? The more intelligent students that are in these activities, the higher the school rating skyrockets. It's purely selfish reasons."

"That is utter bullshit," Taehyung scoffs. "You're right. That is pretty fucking selfish."

"Right," you say. "I want to teach you, Tae," you say, looking the boy dead in his eyes. "I'll take care of your grades. I'll teach you the best ways to get away with outsmarting the teacher. I'll plan class distractions—like today—and if things still don't go well, my boyfriend—you met Yoongi today, right?—can make a last-ditch effort to hack into the grades system and work his magic. You'll have extra time to do theater—at school and at other professional intern sites. How does that sound?"

"Fuck," Taehyung curses. "That sounds fucking great when you put it that way."

Jimin's not so sure. "What if someone snitches?"

You laugh. "Oh, they wouldn't," you say. "I have eyes and ears everywhere."

"She does," Jungkook says. "There's no one she doesn't know. C'mon she's the first sophomore Editor-in-Chief of the school newspaper. You'll be safe if you join."

"You're juniors as well," you say. "There's a lot of pressure to do perfectly in school now. And you'll be in college before you know it. I reckon that you want to know your ride-or-die interest before you attend university."

Jimin looks down at his hands. This is wrong, he tells himself. But it'll do so much good. Not moral good, of course. But still.

Taehyung already seems sold on the idea, a fast grin spreading across his face as he nods his head enthusiastically.

You notice Jimin's skeptical look. "Hey, I'm gonna run to the bathroom," you say. Jimin gets out of the seat to let you through, and as soon as you're out of sight, he collapses on the seat and groans.

"Great, she's fucking gone," Jimin says. "Tae, you can't possibly think this is a good idea."

"What do you mean? It's a fucking fantastic idea!" Taehyung says. "Dude, don't you understand? I'll get to do what I love without sacrificing my grades! Once in a lifetime opportunity, bro."

Jungkook snorts. "Yeah, well, I have my music and you have your acting shit, Taehyung, but Jimin doesn't know anything other than the pages of a stupid fucking textbook."

It hurts because it's brutally true. Jimin bites his lip and shakes his head.

"Fifteen people is awfully small for a cult," Jimin grumbles.

"It is not a cult," Jungkook argues, crossing his arms over his chest. "And no one knows how many students are actually involved except for Y/N. She figured it'll be safer that way."

"Bro, I'm in," Taehyung says. "I was in like seven minutes ago."

"Good choice, man," Jungkook says, slapping Taehyung's back approvingly. "And honestly? Jimin? You don't exactly have a choice. You have to join."

Jimin scoffs. "Why?"

"Because you know this group exists and it's likely you'd snitch on us if you don't get anything out of it," Jungkook says, raising an eyebrow at his friend. "Y/N's being really generous with you right now. You're basically going to freeload."

"Freeload?" Jimin says, glaring at the man with intense ferocity. "I didn't ask for any of this!"

"Hey, it's okay!" Taehyung says. "You can just find some hobby or something. So you're still following protocol."

"Um, easier said than done," Jimin mutters.

It's silent after that as Jimin sulks in his seat and Jungkook and Taehyung awkwardly watch him do so. You come back from the "bathroom" (you were gone for much longer, so Jimin suspects you were just giving them time to discuss) only to see the three boys sitting in complete silence.

You cock your head. "Everything all right?"

"Yeah, yeah!" Taehyung says. "It's final. Jimin and I are joining!"

"Great!" you say, smiling as you clasp your hands together. "Oh, you'll have to get started on your theater process right away," you tell Taehyung. "And Jimin, it's fine that you don't know what you like now. You can hang tight until you find something, all right?"

Jimin lets out a grumbling, "Yeah, sure."

"It's set, then!" you say, sipping your not-so-frozen lemonade drink. "Thank you, Jungkook. I owe you."

"No, it's fine, really," Jungkook laughs, shaking his head. "Just doing my job."

You smile at him fondly before turning to Jimin and Taehyung. "I'll text you the details pertaining to each of you, okay?" You glance down at your watch and gasp. "Oh, shoot, I'm late for my date! Um, I'll see you three at our next meeting? Or at school. Bye, guys!!" With that, you grab your drink and practically fly out of Panera, never looking back once.

Jimin and Taehyung are a bit dumbfounded.

"I gotta go work on producing my album," Jungkook says. "See you guys, too?"

"Yeah, duh," Taehyung grins as Jungkook slides out of the seat. "You basically saved our lives."

Jungkook snorts. "Sorry I didn't say anything about it earlier, by the way," he says. "We're not allowed to talk about it to anyone. Mostly because we don't really know who's involved."

"Nah, it's fine, man," Taehyung says, shaking his head. "At least we know now, right?"

Jimin stays quiet.

"Well, see you," Jungkook sighs as he glances at Jimin but doesn't say anything further. He leaves quickly.

"God, Jimin, he's your friend," Taehyung says as soon as Jungkook turns a corner and is no longer in view. "You shouldn't be that cold."

"Oh, really?" Jimin says. "He was living lavishly all this time and didn't bother saying anything!"

"He just said he didn't have a choice, Jimin!"

"God!" Jimin says, running his hand through his hair. "Now how are we any different from the motherfucking cheaters out there?"

Taehyung frowns. "I don't mind cheating. Y/N didn't even call it cheating. She called it 'outsmarting the teachers.' And besides, we have a reason for it too."

Jimin shrugs. "Yeah, whatever..."

"You'll come around," Taehyung smiles, shaking his head. "But what the heck do you think Jungkook meant by saying no one knows who's in the group??"

"No idea."

But it soon becomes quite obvious when Jungkook escorts Jimin and Taehyung to their first official meeting. Jimin and Taehyung gape as they realize no one they saw last time was here. You must hold several of the same meetings. All with different people.

Now it's for sure that nobody knows how many people are in the goddamn cult except for you. It dawns on Jimin that he's getting himself into something much, much larger than he had previously believed.

You've created quite an advanced system. So advanced that it took Jimin a while to get used to. It was a cheating plot so elaborate and well-planned that it almost didn't feel like cheating. Instead, it was like embarking on an evil heist in the adult world.

You had a master plan behind every single class in Welton. Jungkook said you harbored hundreds of paper documents (not digital, or they could be hacked) that had information about every teacher, every subject in the school. From there, you would investigate each subject and find the students who were genuinely interested in pursuing it in the future—the experts. Those students would then be in charge of making and organizing all of the class lecture notes; it would be their responsibility to fully learn the material and redistribute it to the other students who, more or less, didn't give two fucks about the class.

Homework was rotated amongst the "expert" students, and they'd send the other students the answers. (But, of course, there were always different versions of the homework so teachers would never suspect.)

Tests weren't a problem either. Somehow, you'd get a copy of every test or quiz before the exam date and distribute it to the experts. In a day's time, the rest of the students would obtain the answers (and work, if it was a math-based test). But to ensure that not everyone got the same exact score, you'd implemented quite a simple but complex system.

Test grades were higher for experts (especially experts who were able to make large progress on their personal projects). From there, the non-expert students were given scores solely based on how well they have updated their progress to you, and how much they have advanced in their extracurriculars.

The hardest questions on every exam were hand-picked by the experts themselves. And only the experts were allowed to answer the question correctly.

Essays were different. Not everyone read the given book, but the experts would always be ready for all kinds of topics—the holy grail was definitely the database of all past Welton essays that you handled yourself.

In that way, you had every single class in the whole school covered for the students in your group. (Which was ultimately a huge bummer for the students who had no idea of the behind-the-scenes 'outsmarting' that was going on.)

Jimin thinks the system is good. Could be better, but it works.

He's just pissed that he never has any progress to report back to you, so he always ends up scoring a high B on exams. It happens to be a pretty good deal, though, factoring in the fact that he didn't study for them. Scoring B+'s on exams was enough to keep his grades at an A.

But sometimes, it just feels wrong. Especially on his physics tests (where the class average is 60%, but he ends up with a raw score of 88% without having to put in the minimal effort). No matter how many times you call the action 'outsmarting the teachers,' Jimin thinks he's just plain cheating.

He's been wanting to report it for a while... Just because the little angel sitting by his shoulder is telling him that this is unfair to all the other students who were truly trying but weren't even getting close to the scores that Jimin was getting just by copying others' answers. Jimin remembers when he had been in that unfortunate position. When he'd watched students do suspiciously well on certain subjects while having time to do other activities, while he, himself, had to study for eight hours straight to get a C on the test.

But Jimin's not part of that unfortunate group of students. He's now pretty damn fortunate.

And he can't stay fortunate if he reports the cheating. Jimin's desperate. He's desperate to obtain decent grades without spilling countless tears and studying from early morning to the next morning after. It's the only reason that he hasn't reported your little group yet.

Besides, Taehyung is seemingly adapting better to this non-student-like lifestyle. He's already joined two theater productions and is applying to work as extras in films and such. And Jungkook's been continuing to work on his album too.

Jimin's friends seem to love being a part of the group.

Maybe Jimin's just salty because he hasn't found his passion yet. Though he doesn't know everyone in your little school cult, it seems like everyone involved in it has a passion, a dream they want to reach for, except for him.

A part of him wants to find a hobby just to say he has one when someone asks. But another, larger, part of him wants a hobby because of greed. Finding a passion and pursuing it meant Jimin would get a higher chance of getting better test grades for texting you about his progress. But Jimin can't just latch on to any existing hobby... He needs some advice.

Well, you'd told him that he should come to you if he needed advice... It's weird to think that he, a junior, has to ask advice from a sophomore. But maybe he's that desperate.

You're usually in your own little private newspaper office (as the Editor-in-Chief). So Jimin decides to give you a visit. But when he walks into the room after school, he sees you comforting a crying girl. Whether she's part of the cult is unclear, but Jimin immediately discerns her as one of those band girls—with frizzy hair, leggings and a boxy t-shirt. The girl's crying so hysterically that Jimin feels uncomfortable intruding. He leaves without another look.

Crying girls are not a good sign; he'll just come back tomorrow.

When tomorrow comes and Jimin walks into your private newspaper room, there is no crying girl to his relief. You're on your computer, probably reading or editing some student-written articles. Jimin feels awkward disrupting you being so focused on your work, but the longer time he spends just waiting for you to finish, the more time he wastes.

So: "Um, hi... Uh, Y/N?" Jimin says. He grabs a chair and pulls it up next to you.

"Oh! Jimin!" you greet him, turning from your computer to face the boy in front of you.

"I came yesterday," Jimin says, shrugging, "but you were busy with someone else... I came back today."

"Ah, you mean Chunseo," you say, nodding. "She was having a hard time yesterday."

Jimin's silent, waiting for you to elaborate, but you don't. It becomes quite clear to him that you don't like to talk about others behind their backs.

"So, what are you here for today?" you chirp. "Advice? Questions? I know everything must be new to you, so I just hope you feel comfortable with the whole system."

"Oh, uh..." Jimin would like to tell you that you're doing a great job and that everything's going fucking great, but that's unfortunately not what comes out of his mouth. "I still don't know what to pursue. I mean, I have so much extra time on my hands now, but I'm just spending it on my phone. My friends have been advancing in their passions, but I have nothing... I was just wondering if you could um, help me? Help me find a passion, maybe? I don't know."

"Hm," you say, looking thoughtfully at Jimin. "I can definitely help you with that..." you trail off, looking Jimin up and down and cocking your head. Jimin thinks you're analyzing him—not just his physical qualities but his personality as well. He feels almost vulnerable under your gaze.

"Have you ever had any hobbies, Jimin?" you ask him.

"That's the thing," he sighs. "No, I haven't."

He looks so miserable that you have to place a comforting hand on his arm. "Hey, it'll be fine, Jimin," you say. "I'm sure it'll come to you one day. A hobby isn't something you should necessarily force out of yourself. When you feel a connection with an activity—when you aren't exactly looking for one—then that meets you've found your hobby. And if you really love this hobby, then it can grow to be your passion. You just need to be patient. Don't worry," you smile, "you'll find something."

Jimin glances at your hand on his arm and then glances up at your face. God, you have a way with words. He feels much better, even though you didn't exactly offer him a cut-out solution.

"Thanks," he says. "I needed that."

"No problem, Jimin," you beam. "I know not having a personal project to work on leaves you with the lower grades, but you're probably only at the A- ranges, right? That's not too bad," you say. "Hm, how about this?"

Oh? It looks like you're going to offer him a plan. So Jimin scoots closer to you on his chair and listens intently for your next words.

"You're a junior, and before you know it, you'll have to write your college apps. Maybe instead of spending time on your phone, you can start with your college essays now? Is that all right to suggest?" you say, cautiously. "It never hurts to get a head start, you know."

You're right. Jimin should probably be productive, just like everyone else in the group. "Yeah," he says. "That's a good idea, actually."

"Great!" you say, clasping your hands together. "And I really appreciate you coming here to tell me the truth. You'd be surprised that a lot of others don't do the same as you."

"Oh..."

"Yeah," you giggle. "Hey, what about this? We'll compromise. I'll ask my boyfriend to change something for you as a thanks from me to you for being open and honest."

"Really??" Jimin says, his eyes growing wide and a small smile appearing on his face. "Thank you!"

You shake your head. "No problem, Jimin. Good luck on your college apps!" you call to him as he leaves the room.

"Thanks!"

Wow.

Jimin's heard a lot of great things about you from his friends, but now he realizes they really weren't kidding. You're a leader, all right. But a balanced one too.

Not only did you offer him emotional support with your words of affirmation but also you showed him a solution—at least a temporary solution to his problem. And you're also incredibly generous as well.

Hm. Now Jimin can't possibly think to report your little cult. Of course, it's still half wrong, what you're doing... But after talking to you, after receiving your feedback and help, there's no way Jimin would be able to double-cross you. As weird as it sounds, you kind of have a nice smile, and he doesn't want to cause you stress or grievances that you're actively trying to avoid with your group. In other words, he doesn't want to be the cause of your frowning.

Jimin's never seen you frown before, but he doesn't exactly want to see it in the future.

"Damn, I was such a bad procrastinator before joining the student group! The study group? The group? I don't even know what to call it," Taehyung laughs. He takes a large gulp of his boba drink and continues, "I feel like being a part of this community is improving my lifestyle. Like seriously, though. I haven't had a normal or healthy lifestyle since eighth grade!"

Jungkook nods vigorously. "Dude, I know! I've never been this productive before I met Y/N! Doesn't it feel so nice to be able to dedicate time to your strongest fucking passions?"

"Duh!" Taehyung says. "Man, what if this makes me peak in happiness in high school?"

Jungkook throws his head back to laugh, but Jimin doesn't find it so amusing.

Instead, he feels a bit left out. While his friends were diving deep into their passions, Jimin had yet to find a hobby. "Why doesn't the group have a name, anyway?" he asks. "Seems kind of inconvenient."

Jungkook wiggles his eyebrows at Jimin teasingly. "Because..." he trails off spookily. "A name can always be traced back to the source. Haven't you thought of that?"

"Apparently Y/N did," Taehyung snorts. "Sometimes I wonder how she's so big-brained. God has favorites, I'm telling you."

"She's a fucking legend," Jungkook says. "I would worship her if I wasn't so stubborn about holding onto my dignity."

Jimin laughs, nearly choking on a tapioca pearl doing so. "Too bad she has a boyfriend, huh?" he jokes. "Jungkook sounds like he'd totally hit her up."

"I do not!"

"Sure, bro," Taehyung snickers. "When you talk to her, your pupils dilate."

"They fucking don't!" Jungkook says. "I have my interests elsewhere. Thank you very much!"

"Another girl?" Jimin gasps, placing a hand to his chest in shock. "Who?"

"Not a fucking girl, you bimbo," Jungkook says exasperatedly. "My music! I have interests in music. You guys fucking suck."

Jimin and Taehyung spiral into a fit of laughter. And the teasing and back-and-forth passive-aggressive remarks continued until the boba cups were empty and the three friends realized they talked up enough of a storm.

It used to be rare to meet up like this—because Jimin and Taehyung would always be overwhelmed in schoolwork—but now that their academic life was taken care of by you, they've been able to give themselves healthy breaks.

Jimin feels refreshed albeit a bit tired after parting with his two friends. He decides to walk home because his mother would kill him if she had to pick him up from the boba place when he should be studying at home.

The outside air feels nice against his cheeks, and Jimin finds himself becoming much more attentive to his surroundings. Back when he was a full-time serious Welton student, he couldn't ever spare to look at the intricacies of the vicinity—he always had to jump straight to the point, skipping the little moments to shove his face into his textbooks. It's a nice change.

Jimin notices a whole bunch of stores and studios on his walk home and he takes the time to admire each logo and memorize each name.

Damn. I never even knew some of these places existed...

There's even a dance studio called Hart's Dance Studio that Jimin swears he's never seen. The logo is an eye-catching red with a silhouette of a ballerina jumping over the 'Dance.' Jimin finds himself staring at it. Then, his eyes gravitate to the glass walls where he can see the dancers just... dancing.

And a lot of them are good. Like dancing is as easy as walking to them. But an unmoving figure amongst the active dancers catches Jimin's eyes. When he squints to get a better look, he realizes the stationary figure is you.

You're furiously typing on a laptop, occasionally looking up to watch the dancers once in a while.

What are you doing there? From your skinny jeans and lace top, it doesn't quite look like you're there to dance. Maybe you have a sibling in dance class?

But then again, Jimin remembers that Jungkook had once told him in a hushed whisper that you are definitely an only child... only after you lost your older sister to suicide, that is.

So really, what are you doing there?

Jimin cocks his head at you but realizes how weird it is to stand in front of the studio and stare. So finally, he just walks away.

But you're quite the mysterious figure. You're the exact type of person who makes others want to get to know you. You have an open quality where everyone feels welcome to talk to you, but you're also enigmatic, refusing to tell people a lot about yourself. Jimin sometimes even wonders if he's ever seen you at school with the same friend group. It looks like you're always jumping around.

Maybe you don't like to get to know people in a deep way. It's possible that you're a fan of shallow relationships, which there is nothing wrong with, of course. But then again, you have a boyfriend, whom you seem to really like. You're very hard to crack.

And even when winter break comes, Jimin's still been wondering what you've been doing at the dance studio, typing on your laptop. He's run all kinds of scenarios in his head. Maybe your mom works there? Or your friend dances there? But something inside him tells him whatever reasons he came up with are incorrect.

Meanwhile, Jimin's still waiting to find a hobby. He's already been to Taehyung's play and listened to the rough draft of Jungkook's album. But nothing seems to give him the inspiration that he needs.

Jimin just decides to go on a walk. The cold winter air nips at his skin, so he tightens his coat around himself, breathing steadily as he looks around at his surroundings. It's then when he finds himself stopped in front of Hart's Dance Studio.

He walks a bit closer to get a better look into the glass windows. And he smiles when he sees you. There is no one else around you, but you don't seem to mind. This time, however, you're not vigorously typing on your keyboard. You're... dancing.

Jimin doesn't know what prompted him to enter the dance studio, but the next thing he knows, he's inside.

You don't see him because your eyes are closed. Jimin takes the time to notice that you're wearing a simple black outfit consisting of a tank top and leggings. Your feet are left completely bare.

But the strangest part—you're not dancing with music. It explains your rather awkward movements. As if you can see yourself dance freely in your head, but you can't quite execute it in reality. Still, no matter how awkward you look, you radiate a majestic aura. So much so that from far away, you could look like a professional dancer.

Jimin doesn't realize he's staring until you startle him.

"Hey! Jimin!" you say. Your eyes are bright and wide open now and you wave at Jimin, motioning him over to you. "Hi!"

"Hi," Jimin agrees as he walks closer to you. "I didn't know you danced. Is that your passion?"

"Oh, god no," you giggle, shaking your head. "God forbid, no. It's for this book I'm writing!"

It finally makes sense. She's part of the school newspaper, and I'd seen her typing on her laptop.

"What kind of book?" Jimin asks curiously as he sits down on one of the metal benches in the dance room.

You take a sip of water from your water bottle before smiling. "It's this fictional book about a broken dancer. I'm an aspiring author! I've really been trying to get into my character and experience dancing so I can write her more realistically!"

"Oh, wow," Jimin laughs. "That's dedication."

"It's what I do to try to get good content," you say. "How's your winter break been going, by the way?"

"Pretty uneventful," Jimin says, leaning back on the bench. "I wrote and rewrote five drafts of my college essays. I don't think writing's my thing."

You laugh. "Well, we can rule that out in the list of possible hobbies you can partake in."

"Yeah," Jimin agrees. "I'm still trying to find—but not actively look for—a hobby."

"It's hard," you shrug. "You shouldn't stress too much about it, Jimin. I'm telling you, it's gonna come. I can see you be so dedicated. You just have to wait until the time's right."

"Sometimes I feel like my time will never come," Jimin admits. "Taehyung's already been writing, directing and filming his own short film these days and Jungkook's adding four more tracks to his album. I don't know whether I should feel inspired or pressured."

You shake your head. "You need to get out of your competitive mindset, Jimin," you say. "Realize that you should be doing things on your own time. Everyone has different paces, you know. Maybe you should take your mind off of everything you've been thinking of these days. Wanna dance with me?"

Your question catches Jimin off guard. "Sorry, what?"

"Would you like to dance with me?" you repeat, giggling. "Sorry, it was kinda abrupt but my character needs to experience partner dancing and so do I to write that scene. I've already asked Yoongi, but he won't budge! That boy hates dancing! So maybe you can dance with me?"

"Uh," Jimin awkwardly fidgets his fingers. "I've never exactly danced before."

You snort. "Well, honestly me too. I suck. But whatever, you know? We're going to try."

"What kind of dance?" Jimin says. "I think the only dance steps I've ever learned were the square dancing steps from fourth grade."

"We could try waltzing," you say. "It's pretty simple, I think. C'mon!"

You drag Jimin to the dance floor, guiding his right hand to lay on your back and taking his left hand in yours. Jimin feels awkwardly close to you, but when you laugh and joke about how preposterous the two of you must look, he feels a little more comfortable.

"This might end up with me stepping on your feet constantly," you say apologetically, "but I'm trying to capture the feeling of dancing with a partner. So essentially, it's the emotions that count, not the physical steps."

Jimin laughs. "I'll try not to step on your feet."

"No way," you say. "How are you better at this than I am right now? I thought you said you didn't know how to dance!"

"I don't!" Jimin protests.

But something feels right. Something kind of clicks. And the moment Jimin parts from you and rushes home, he watches dance videos online. He finds out that there are many genres, and the ones he finds the most moving are contemporary and lyrical. There has never been something that has enamored him more.

Jimin irrevocably and quite willingly falls into the rabbit hole of dance.

It's been two weeks since Jimin danced a simple waltz with you at Hart's Dance Studio, but the time seems to have flown by too quickly. The next time Jimin passes by the studio, you're still trying to dance. And when he walks in to greet you, he's met by music. You're dancing to music this time!

"Hi, Y/N," Jimin speaks over the music, breaking you from your reverie.

"Oh, gosh! Jimin! Hi!" you say, immediately turning to pause the song. "Long time no see! How's school?"

"Great," he answers. "Um, just thought I would visit the studio. Do you still need a dancing partner?"

You grin. "Well, kind of," you say. "I need to see an amateur dancer do a little improv routine. Do you mind? I tried doing it myself and recording it, but it's just not fun seeing myself be a fool on camera."

Jimin laughs. "I don't mind at all."

You gesture to the dance floor. "It's all yours."

"Thank you."

Jimin stares curiously at the dance floor, the bright lights flooding the whole room. He feels like he's on stage, but he likes that feeling. He closes his eyes and sees the hundreds of dance videos he binge-watched every day for hours. And then he dances.

Somewhere along the way, you turned the music back on, which makes it even easier for Jimin to dance. He moves instinctively, fluidly like he's water. And he stops only when he finds himself out of breath.

Your jaw is dropped open when Jimin opens his eyes.

"Jimin!" you exclaim, hands thrown in the air. "You're a natural! How did you do that? What the heck??"

Jimin shrugs bashfully, shrugging. He doesn't mention the hours and hours of stretching and practicing he had done before coming here. There would've been no way he would have agreed to improv dance for you if he hadn't felt so confident. And it's funny. Dancing is the only thing Jimin's found in his life that makes him feel self-confident so far. He would've never expected it.

"You should enroll in this studio!" you say. "With some training... You could do great things, Jimin, I mean it!"

Jimin's not too sure about that. Yes, he likes to dance, and maybe it was a hobby. But enrolling in the studio meant full-time commitment. He isn't so sure if he is ready for that. He isn't sure his parents are ready for that.

"Okay," Jimin says. "I'll um, think about it." But not really.

It's like you can see right through his lie, though. "Oh, okay," you say. "Then maybe you can practice dancing in this studio by yourself. I'm friends with the owner so she lets me swing by whenever I want. Wanna meet here every Friday? I could use a beginning dancer like you to really write a story about a dancer's progression."

Jimin's face lights up. Getting to dance one day a week in an actual dance studio?? "Yeah, sure!" Jimin says. "I'd really love to." Now I have an excuse to go to the studio and dance.

This could be the start of something great.

The start of something great it was. Fridays quickly become Jimin's favorite day of the week. After school, he rushes to the studio to meet you and work on learning the basics of dance by watching tutorial videos on the internet. Usually, he works in silence—except for the clicking sounds of your laptop, but today, when he strides onto the dance floor, you're waiting for him in the middle.

"Do you have music requests?" you ask him, scrolling through your phone as if you are deep in thought. "I always feel like it's easier to express yourself with the music you actually like."

"Music?" Jimin frowns. "I, um, don't listen to music that much."

Your jaw drops. "What??"

"I don't even have earphones," he laughs awkwardly.

"You don't have what??"

And that was all it took for you to teach Jimin music for the whole day. You went through the hundreds of songs in your playlists, putting Jimin on the dance floor and making him dance to the songs he likes best. By the end of the session, Jimin still feels like he's soaring. His heart in his chest beats to the rhythm of the music. When he steps out of the dance studio and parts ways with you, he can't help but wish it were next Friday.

But at least he has a whole week to go music hunting. Jimin's never been much of a music man, but he's found that certain songs make him want to dance. He'll search them out and practice with them in the following days.

At school, Jimin feels like a mindless machine. He's still on the fence about cheating the system that's supposed to help him; the ethical part of Jimin wants him to stop—of course it's nothing against you. Jimin just thinks that if the system to help the students exists, every student should be involved. Even he was invited into the group much later (and technically, at first, he was forced to join for catching a meeting in progress).

Yet at the same time, Jimin owes it to you and your group that he's able to do what makes him happy. And he can't bear the thought of betraying you.

At home, Jimin lies on his bed, listening to all of the songs you showed him on repeat. His family doesn't have any music streaming services so he secretly started a three month free trial on iTunes. But he knew his parents wouldn't approve of his music taste (they usually don't approve of anything too teenager-y, so Jimin borrows his father's pair of earbuds.

Jimin didn't know, but earbuds bring a whole new dimension to music. He lies face up, closing his eyes as he pictures himself jumping, dancing, moving to the sweet rhythms of the songs. It's like he's been introduced to a whole new world.

Friday rolls around way too slowly for Jimin's taste, but when he's finally there, talking to you and dancing upon your request, it feels like he's on cloud nine. Today, you ask Jimin to describe what it feels to dance.

Jimin's not exactly very good with his words but he tries his best.

"I don't know," he says at first, blushing as he looks down at the brightly lit dance floor. "It makes me feel like... how do I say it? Like I'm just in a vast room with no one but myself? The moment I hear a good song, I just get this heavy gut feeling to move, I guess. And then I see the colors and the movements... And I dance."

"A vast room?" you say in awe as you unceasingly type across the expanse of your keyboard. "Elaborate, please."

"I guess it feels like I'm on my own stage. And it's a good thing because it feels like no one's watching me," Jimin says. "Uh, kinda like I'm dancing for myself. I'm dancing to express how I feel. And if there's someone watching, I don't really feel it because I'm so uh... I'm so..."

"Enraptured by your own world?" you finish for him.

"Exactly!"

You smile. "Thank you, Jimin! You meeting me here every Friday is so helpful. I really don't know how to thank you properly."

"Oh," Jimin shakes his head. "You've helped me so much already. There's nothing you could possibly do to help me better."

After exchanging a few more words with Jimin, you deem that you have to go home early to celebrate your mother's birthday. Jimin bids you farewell, but he remains in the studio. It feels empty without you, but it doesn't really matter. He's always by himself when he dances, anyway.

Jimin turns on his music, which echoes across the dance room, ringing against the walls and thumping in his chest. He can't stop himself from moving. His body twists graciously and he leaps across the dance floor as the synths in the song sing their melodious tones. He's so into the dance that he doesn't notice a tall woman watching him in the background.

Jimin finishes off his improv dance by striking a majestic pose he had come up with himself a few days ago. He didn't expect anyone to clap when he had finished, but there was this sharp-looking woman who was applauding and smiling at him approvingly.

"O-Oh," Jimin stutters. "I'm so sorry. Uh, Y/N left a bit earlier so I just thought it was okay to stay..."

"You're Jimin!" the lady says. "I'm Miss Hart. I run this dance studio. Y/N's told me how talented you are."

Jimin blushes. "I don't know about talented."

Miss Hart shakes her head, walking closer to Jimin in graceful strides akin to that of a ballerina. "I want to offer you a spot in my dance studio. This is a personal offer."

"I-I, uh," Jimin stutters. He's caught off guard by this sudden invitation and he looks left to right in a very panicked manner. "I-I don't think my parents will allow it... Um, sorry... I have to, um, go..."

He flees before Miss Hart can get another word out of him.

It's the sad truth. Jimin's parents would likely never approve of his current hobby—even listening to music while he studied was a stretch for them. But the more Jimin thinks about Miss Hart's offer, the more he realizes how great of an opportunity that is for him to progress in the path to find his true passion.

As nerve-wracking as is it, during dinner, Jimin asks his parents if it would be okay if he started taking dance lessons. Their reactions aren't as severe as he had expected, but his parents still seem pretty surprised.

"Isn't it too late to start something new?" his mother says. "You're a junior now, Jimin. You should already know what you're good at."

"I agree with your mother," his father says. "Why the sudden interest?"

"I don't know," Jimin answers truthfully. "It just happened. I really, really like it though..."

Jimin's father raises his eyebrows. "Really?" he sighs. "I don't think so, Jimin. Think about it. I know your grades are good right now, but now you should be busy with getting ready for college, shouldn't you?"

Jimin had expected this. "Oh..."

"And have you been taking my earbuds?" his father says.

"Oh, yeah... sorry," Jimin winces. "I'll give them back right now." He trudges up the stairs, feeling dejected and miserable at the same time. He decides to give the earbuds one last listen, plugging them into his phone and placing the buds in his ears. The familiar light-hearted, serene music floods into his head. Jimin can't help it. His eyes close, his mouth parts and he begins to move. His feet take him across his room, leaping over textbooks and dirty socks as his arms move fluidly to support his upper body.

Time has a mind of its own when Jimin enters the dancing world.

He doesn't notice an audience member at the entrance of his room. Jimin's father stares at his son, taken aback by the pure emotion and passion put into such a performance. He cannot hear Jimin's music, but he is able to feel it through Jimin's movements. Jimin's father watches the dance a bit longer, then leaves. When Jimin tries to return the earbuds to his father, he rejects them. "Keep the earbuds," he tells his son. "I don't need them anymore."

On Saturday morning, Jimin's surprised when his father calls him downstairs to talk. Truth be told, Jimin's a little nervous to have a serious one-on-one talk with his father. But his anxiousness melts away when his father asks:

"Have you been learning dance by yourself?"

Jimin perks up. "Uh, yeah! Um, well, kind of. I just saw YouTube videos... And I go to a dance studio every Friday with a friend to um, practice..."

"What studio?"

Jimin freezes. "H-Hart's dance studio?"

Jimin's father nods. "All right. Here's the deal. The moment your grades slip, you're going to have to quit, okay? Let's go enroll you right now."

Jimin almost faints from the sheer amount of happiness.

It is official. Jimin is to have private dance lessons (to make up for being such a late starter) once a week. This was a bit like a trial run; Jimin might get more lessons per week if he really decided to pursue dance.

And now that Jimin's actually a student at the studio, he can come in to practice anytime he wants! Which was every day after school for three hours.

When Jimin tells you the good news on Friday, you insist that you ditch today's dance-writing sessions and get some celebratory boba.

It's the first time Jimin's with you, alone, outside of school, without being in the confines of the dance studio. If he didn't know any better, this felt like more than two friends meeting up on a Friday afternoon. It felt like a date.

You're rather chatty with Jimin, making him feel comfortable and trying to get to know him better. But it comes to the point that Jimin wants to get to know you. So he finally asks the question he had been dying to know the answer to since he'd first met you in the dance studio.

"Do you mind if I ask what your book is about?"

"Oh, I don't mind at all!" you say, aggressively sipping your boba as you think. "Hm, okay, well, I kind of changed the plot halfway through... So now instead of a broken dancer, the story's about this newborn dancer who realizes her talents rather late in her life, but she throws all of her doubts—and others' doubts—away because she realizes if she's passionate about something, it doesn't really matter how long she's been pursuing it. What matters is that she is pursuing it in the present."

"Wow," Jimin breathes.

"Yeah," you giggle, tucking back a strand of your hair behind your ear. "It's a coming of age story. I want it to be heartbreaking, bittersweet and heart-wrenching." You sip your boba. "But I might have to rewrite a lot of scenes because I'm thinking about changing the gender of the main character from female to male. I think it feels more right."

"Oh, that's gonna be a lot of work," Jimin says.

"But it's going to be worth it."

Jimin nods. Of course it will be. You put your best effort into everything. "Do you know what your title is going to be yet?"

"Eh," you laugh, shrugging goofily. "I'll think of it one day."

The light-hearted conversation takes a twist as the outside of the boba place gets darker and the afternoon morphs into the night. Jimin finds himself talking about his personal struggles as an "average" Welton student. He reflects vocally upon the times in which he had to beg to receive an A in his classes. The times in which he despised himself and didn't understand the exact point of life. The times when he was existing and not living.

It's then when you reveal your own darkest moments. And what lies beneath the smiling curtains was a murky past.

Your freshman year at Welton hit you like a bomb—it was the same year that Jimin had been suffering in the depths of sophomore year's turmoil. You became miserable, competing for first place in your classes in subject matters that you had no interest in. The tests contained little material about understanding and more about the nitty-gritty details (that were barely significant). You used to write your stories the moment you came home from school until you had to go to bed. But now, you would be lucky if you could even get a few paragraphs down before being pressured into studying something tediously and frankly, useless. It drove you nuts.

To the point that you were tempted to be pulled under into the dark world of self-hatred and suicidal thoughts. Your older sister had jumped off a building when you were only eight; you watched her stuck in a coma in the hospital with twelve broken bones until she died in her sleep. So you figured if your sister did it, so could you.

But slowly, gradually, rationality took charge of your head, driving out the demons. You garnered your anger and self-hatred towards Welton and not yourself. And during the last few weeks of school in your freshman year, you decided that you were going to make a system to help every student in need—for those with big dreams but little time.

Jimin watches and listens in awe as you continue to tell your story.

"I met Yoongi in freshman year when I was interviewing him for winning first place in a tech comp so I could write about him in the school newspaper," you explain. "He was the first person I told my idea to. And then from the summer between freshman and sophomore year, I planned the whole system. Yoongi assisted me a bit, too, but I didn't want him to be burdened."

Or, Jimin thinks, you don't trust other people.

"Yeah, and then we really kicked off," you say.

"Wait, you and Yoongi? Or the whole system you created?"

"Both," you grin. "Yoongi and I started dating during the summer. And as you can tell, our whole group flourished too. Now you're here!"

"The group's relatively new then," Jimin says. "So um, I don't know if I can ask but, how many people are really involved?"

You smile, shaking your head and denying Jimin an answer. "The trick that I use to run this system is to never trust anyone."

"Oh... wow. Not even your boyfriend?"

"Oh, it's the people you're closest to that end up failing you. Just ask my sister," you shrug. "And you never know. You aren't still thinking of reporting me, are you? I know you were contemplating that for a while..."

"O-Oh!" Jimin stutters. "Oh, shit. No, uh, definitely no. Not anymore. God, I didn't know you knew. I'm sorry."

"It's really no matter," you tell him, giving him a reassuring smile. "I think it was really nice talking to you. When we usually meet up, you're dancing and I'm taking notes or writing so this is a really nice change."

"Yeah," Jimin agrees. "I had a lot of fun, getting to know you." He glances at his watch for a split second and his eyes turn huge. "Shit, Y/N, it's almost 10 p.m.!"

That's when Jimin's able to notice that there is no one else in the boba place except you and him. The store must be closing soon. And the outside is nearly pitch black.

"Oh, wow, we've been talking for a long time," you laugh. "I guess that means we'll have to leave, huh?"

Jimin wants to be in your company for longer, but he nods, agreeing with you. "Yeah, I guess," he says. "I'll see you on Monday?"

You nod, tucking your hair behind your ear. "Goodnight, then, Jimin."

"Goodnight, Y/N."

Jimin's now been getting dance lessons three times a week now, and according to Miss Hart, he's improving at an alarming rate. Miss Hart proudly tells Jimin and his parents that he would be able to compete in local dance comps in three months and easily place.

"The boy's born to dance," Jimin overhears his teacher tell his father. He repeats those words over and over again to himself until he falls asleep that night.

His parents took his success in dance a whole different way. Immediately, Jimin was to train his muscles and stretch every day to accommodate three days' worth of hardcore lessons. And he was also ordered to join the school dance team—even though Jimin tried to tell his parents that tryouts had already been held ages ago.

But when Jimin expresses his problems to you, you bring a solution the very next day. Apparently, you had some inside sources in the dance team; you just had to pull a few strings, and the next thing he knew, Jimin was in Welton's elite dance team.

For the first time in the cult, no, group meetings, Jimin has something to show. He's able to track his progress by videos and live performances that you watch on Fridays. With all the advancement in his newfound passion, you reward Jimin with the second-highest scores on every exam (because the highest scores were reserved for the "experts").

Jimin's now sitting at the peak of a figurative mountain. His grades are soaring. His passion is soaring. He feels like his whole life has become a never-ending, high-velocity dance.

And he loves it.

There are no more meetings left after this one, you explain to all of the students. It's the last meeting for it's the week before finals. The school year will end soon, which is a huge relief to every Welton student.

You claim that outsmarting the teachers with the finals would be easy, especially with your advanced system, so there was really no need to worry. The meeting is short, concise and sweet. You douse everyone with your love and passion and thoroughly thank each and every individual for allowing another wonderful school year.

The meeting ends on a great note. You tell everyone that you have great plans for next year. Something that'll top the bomb threat. Something that'll effectively help the students and put the teachers and administrative staff to shame.

Everybody is excited.

The first time Jimin meets you during the summer is in the dance studio. He'd dressed in his workout clothes but still had enough self-dignity to spritz some cologne and put on some deodorant before seeing you.

But when he walks into the studio, he finds that you're not alone—you're with your boyfriend. Laughing. Joking. Touching. Yoongi has his arm around you and you have a casual hand placed on his thigh, leaning into him as you talk animatedly to your boyfriend.

Yikes. Jimin thinks it's going to be awkward before he actually feels awkward.

You and Yoongi really seem to like the time you're spending together and Jimin doesn't exactly want to interrupt. And there's something about the way that Yoongi tugs you closer and looks at you with sparkling mirth in his eyes that sets Jimin off.

He quickly recognizes the feeling as jealousy. It confuses Jimin even more.

Oh, fuck it.

"Hi, Y/N!" he says, waving at you. "Hey, Yoongi."

You stand up immediately rushing to greet Jimin as Yoongi stays in his spot, nodding his salutations to Jimin. "Yoongi just wanted to know what I was doing every Friday after I said no to a fifth Friday night date," you giggle. "Is it okay if he joins us today?"

"Of course," Jimin says. "I don't mind."

I kind of do.

Meeting at the dance studio was an activity exclusive to you and Jimin only... It's weird to see Yoongi butt in.

"Okay, great. Thanks!" you say. "Just do your thing, and I'll be taking notes as usual!"

Jimin nods, bracing himself to dance after he turns on the song he'd been listening endlessly these days. But today, he feels stiff. Rigid. Something's not quite right.

Today, he doesn't feel like he's on a stage alone. He feels someone watching him from the audience with scrutiny. Suddenly, Jimin can't move. He feels trapped in his own world. When he turns to look at you, he finds that you and Yoongi are immersed in a deep conversation. You're usually watching his every move.

Jimin tries to focus again, closing his eyes to immerse himself into the music. But he can't do it. Not when you and Yoongi are talking like that. Shit. Why is that so distracting?

Jimin figures one day of giving up practice wouldn't kill him. He turns off the music and walks over to you and Yoongi and plops down on the bench.

You smile but Jimin watches as Yoongi flinches just slightly, and a disgruntled look flashes across his face just briefly. Jimin ignores him.

"Yoongi and I were just talking about legacy," you explain to Jimin. "You know, what we'll leave at Welton High School."

"Oh, wow. You'll be leaving a whole elaborate system," Jimin says. "But what's going to happen to it when you've graduated?"

You shrug. "We'll have to wait and see," you say teasingly.

"I'll already be gone by that time," Jimin huffs.

"We'll keep in contact," you say. "I promise."

It's a small promise but Jimin's heart skips a beat. He wonders if you'd still be dating Yoongi then.

Why am I like this? This definitely isn't the right time.

Maybe Yoongi senses Jimin's thoughts because he tugs you closer to him. "Come on, babe, do we have to stay here forever? I want to take you out on a date..."

"Aw, Yoongs," you coo. "I don't know... Maybe the three of us can go get boba or something?"

"Babe..." Yoongi whines softly, intertwining your hand with his.

Jimin watches the movement and another pang of jealousy hits his chest, this time larger than the last. He couldn't possibly have feelings for you. Jimin concludes that he's not jealous because Yoongi is your boyfriend, he is jealous because he's stealing you away when he and you should be hanging out.

But he doesn't exactly want to get in the way of Yoongi, who already seems to dislike Jimin for hanging around his girlfriend.

So Jimin shrugs. "I don't want to intrude on a date. It's fine, Y/N, enjoy your date night."

Yoongi shoots Jimin a grateful look and even lets out a beaming smile. "Really, Jimin? Thanks!" you say.

Jimin has to admit, seeing you skip away with Yoongi arm in arm makes him happier. Fuck, no. He's starting to mirror your emotions.

This isn't a very good sign.

Jimin's right. It isn't a very good sign. He's starting to feel weird around you—emotions that he can't quite explain or justify with words.

The more he hangs out with you, the more he notices little things about you—your little habits, your speech patterns, your dimples when you smile...

It comes to the point, you confess to him one day, "You know, Jimin, I've been hanging out with you more than my boyfriend."

Jimin feels honored by that, "Well, I've been hanging out with you more than my own to friends."

And it's true. Taehyung's been busy with his theater things and has picked up a girl along the way—the girl who was notorious for spilling tears arbitrarily. Jungkook's got his eye on some shy girl Jimin doesn't really know. So the friend group's already pretty split up. But Jimin doesn't really mind as much as he should. He and his friends are happy and have split to pursue their interests. There are no regrets.

Sometimes, when Jimin notices the blush on your cheeks after he teases you, he wonders how you truly feel about him. If all the time you spent around him was doing any good.

"I guess we've become quite the team?" you smile, nudging Jimin's shoulder. "I would've never been able to come up with a revamped idea for my book without you."

"I don't think I would've come this far in dance without you."

"No, it's your pure talent," you say. "I didn't do anything." You giggle, admiring the ruffles on Jimin's dance costume. "Break a leg out there, Jimin. I know you'll kill it in the solo division."

"Thanks, Y/N. I swear, I'm not even that nervous."

That's a lie. Jimin's so nervous he's been feeling like he needed to use the bathroom for two hours now. What if I forget a step? What if I'm offbeat for a split second? What if I trip on my costume? What if the wrong song plays?

There's absolutely no pressure that you've offered to come to watch Jimin dance to write about a dance competition in your book. Jimin has to get his routine down perfectly unless he wants to wind up embarrassing himself and disappointing his eager parents. He needs to be perfect. Maybe to impress you.

But this will be the first time that Jimin will be on stage with a true audience. Even though he will dance like he's the only one in the world, he will have hundreds of watchers and a panel of judges who will scrutinize his every move.

Jimin tugs at the ruffles of his white blouse and looks to the stage nervously.

"Hey, you've got this," you whisper to him, patting his shoulder. "What matters is dancing. It doesn't matter what place you get."

You're right. Jimin's here to dance. He is not here to flaunt his talents to others; he is here to make his own progress for himself, for his passion. What matters is that he has fun on stage.

Jimin keeps that in mind when he walks on the platform. The lights shine down on him, and his ears ring incessantly. But as soon as the cello begins to let out its low, elegant sound, he dances. The music envelops his body, and he sees nothing but colors. There is no need to think of which step is next when it comes to him naturally. He twists and turns accordingly to the rueful tones of the oboe, leaps at the entrance of the violins and finishes the dance with a grand pose in the middle of the stage.

He doesn't hear the clapping when he shakily gets off the platform.

Jimin's numb. He can't remember the performance, nor can he remember if he had gotten all of his steps right. But when you lunge at him with open arms and a bouquet of flowers (that you hadn't had before) in your hands, none of his performance matters anymore.

"JIMIN!" you screech at him, almost knocking him over with the force of your hug. "YOU WERE AMAZING!"

He's so taken aback, he can't answer, just holding you to his chest as you laugh happily in his arms.

"I hope you don't mind that I recorded the performance," you tell him. "It was just... wow. I can't even think of words to describe it because... wow."

Jimin pulls away from you, grinning wildly and his heart thumping in his chest—from post-dancing or from hugging you, he doesn't really know.

"Was it that good?"

"Yes!" you say. "Come on, we just have to wait to see how you placed. Not that it matters."

And it really didn't. Even though Jimin took home silver, otherwise known as second place, everyone—his parents, Miss Hart, you—was proud of him. No one could argue that his dancing was the most emotional—the most beautiful. The dance competition was only the beginning of Jimin's journey.

Now it's even more normal for you and him to hang out. Even outside the dance studio to just talk and keep each other's company. Anyone can find you typing on your laptop and Jimin dancing and think it's a normal occurrence. Especially with the two of you on summer break, it became insanely frequent to spend a whole day out together.

Sometimes it seems as though you're flirting with him, but Jimin just tells himself that it's his imagination. You have Yoongi, for fuck's sake. You would never go after Jimin because you've said it yourself—you and he are best friends.

Yet it's socially unacceptable, apparently, to only be friends with the opposite gender (especially a younger opposite gender in Jimin's case) and expect the relationship to be purely platonic. Jimin's been noticing you stealing a couple of extra glances at him when he stretches before he dances. And he's been guilty of staring at you when you write because he likes how focused you can get in your typing sprees.

A couple of times, Jimin swears he could've leaned in to kiss you. But being rejected scares him away to ever take the chance. Besides, he doesn't want to come between you and Yoongi. That would be unfair and immature of him.

God, Jimin's mind is mixed up and his feelings are confused. He's not ready to admit it to himself yet, though. So he stays confused until a new school year comes around.

Being a senior opens up Jimin's eyes, and he realizes he had been just plain stupid—and blind. He likes you.

Fuck.

It's not a question of when these feelings had developed, but a question of why. You have a boyfriend. Jimin's already a senior, which means he'll be gone next year. You're the leader of a group—that's practically a cult, according to Google—and you keep secrets from everyone no matter how much you love them. It's just not going to happen.

And if it did happen, then what about Yoongi? He's an essential member of your group. If you break up with him to be with Jimin, assuming that you even feel the same way, then what might Yoongi do? Would he ditch your group and let it fall to the ground? Would he report you and your system to administration? Would he get revenge on Jimin?

No way is Jimin going to get involved.

He should've seen it coming. He should've prevented himself from completely falling for you the moment you started caring for him, hanging out with him, helping him... But he didn't and now he doesn't know what to do.

Well, actually, he does.

Jimin's just going to simply get rid of his feelings for you for his own sake and yours. He just won't see you for a couple of months, and by then, his feelings for you would be gone, vanished into thin air. At least, that's what he hopes.

So, Jimin creates an elaborate plan of his own to avoid you for several months, max. He secretly changes his dance lesson times and tells Miss Hart to keep his schedule from you. And when his teacher inquires why, Jimin makes up a bullshitted lie that he wants to surprise you with his next performance. Then, he skips all of his individual practices and dances at home instead so you won't be able to find him. He even misses scheduled group meetings, texting you that he was sick (when he was only lovesick).

She's just using me to write her story, Jimin tells himself. I'm nothing but a character for her.

Deep down inside, Jimin knows that's false, but he makes himself believe it. Maybe it'll help him dislike you—which isn't exactly possible—but it could at least help him stop liking you.

But it turns out that maybe you never liked Jimin the way he liked you. All too soon, Jimin finds out from Miss Hart that you haven't been coming to the dance studio, so he switches his lessons back to his normal time. You've stopped texting him about coming to group meetings too. Which was strange because Jimin was still given homework copies and test answers when he needed them.

Maybe you took the hint that Jimin didn't want anything to do with you? Jimin doesn't know.

He does know that still, every time he thinks of you, he thinks of a generous, beautiful, mature, thoughtful person who chases after her own dreams and encourages others to do the same. It's hard to stop liking you, in other words.

Already, finals week is around the corner. Jimin has a few suspicions that you're going to hatch a complex plan again to put an end to student stress altogether, but he wouldn't know because he hasn't been attending the meetings. But whatever you were planning, it would be better than the last bomb threat for sure. Because you were always looking to improve, to better yourself to help others.

God, fucking shit. Jimin can't seem to think of one bad thing about you.

His days are spent dancing mostly as he'd submitted his college apps early (thanks to your suggestion), but he also can't get you out of his mind. Your absence makes him grieve for your presence. But he can't give up now. He doesn't want to show up in front of you one day and have to explain why he avoided you for months.

So he continues with his plan.

It's the Friday before finals week.

Jimin sits around in the corner of his school's dance room as the rest of his teammates go over the routine for the winter dance competition. He'd told the captain that he was getting a bad migraine, so he was allowed to sit out for the rest of the practice.

In reality, Jimin can't stop thinking about you. He knows you're here, after school, in your newspaper room, finishing up your last edits before publishing the paper on Saturday. He wonders if you'll welcome him if he meets you. He wonders if he should apologize for avoiding you. Maybe he can get rid of his feelings by hanging out with you more. Or he'll just act like the two of you are best friends and pretend he doesn't want anything more than a platonic relationship.

Jimin doesn't know what courses through his veins to make him stand up.

"I'm going to the bathroom," he murmurs, trudging out of the dance room and outside. He'll have to cross the quad to reach the newspaper room. Jimin nervously checks his watch. 4:42 p.m., it reads. You usually leave by 4:45 p.m., so Jimin doesn't have much time.

Or maybe he shouldn't go to you at all? He hesitates, lurching forward but taking a step back.

He sees another girl, not that far away from him, walking across the quad. There's a boy behind her, yelling "Wait up!" as he tries to catch up with her while holding a stack of heavy textbooks. The girl looks back around and laughs, taking half of the boy's stack and nudging his shoulder. They continue to walk across the quad, side by side. They must be dating.

Jimin quickly recognizes the tall boy to be Namjoon, his acquaintance, and as soon as he's about to wave, there's a loud bang!

Jimin flinches. Was that a...? He can't quite believe it. But there's a lot he didn't believe but still has come true at Welton High School. Or maybe this was another one of your plans. Fake a school shooting to cancel finals. He wouldn't know. He didn't attend the meetings.

But the blood rushes out of his face and it dawns on him that this is reality as he watches Namjoon's girlfriend fall to the ground in slow motion. His own breath quickens and his eyes are alert but he's almost frozen. No. This has to be fake. This has to be a trick. There's another bang! and this time, Namjoon lurches forward, hitting the ground with a resonating thump.

Jimin's frantic, trying to find the source of the loud bangs. Maybe Namjoon and his girlfriend are part of the group. Maybe it's all a plan. Time flies too quickly and slowly at the same time. Jimin sees blood leaking from the girl as she lay face down on the cement. Namjoon is knocked unconscious. That has to be fake. You can buy fake blood, right?

But deep down inside, Jimin knows the truth. He panics. It's hard to breathe.

Then there's another bang. Jimin feels searing heat engulf his chest. He feels himself fall backward, and he clutches his wet chest—not in pain but in shock.

He tilts upwards, and his last view is of the soft gray clouds in the darkened sky.

Then everything becomes black.

Two students, two seniors are reported to be dead. One shot in the head, another in the heart. One has miraculously survived a gunshot wound and is being treated in the hospital.

"Do you know them?" you say in a shaky breath.

Your boyfriend hugs you. "You know one of them..."

"Oh, god," you whimper. You can hear the police and see the bright flashing red and blue lights from afar. "The shooter was targeting students involved in after school activities. How cowardly. When there would be fewer adults around. They were looking to attack the students."

"I know, babe," Yoongi says. "The girl... she was part of the volleyball team. Her boyfriend is the one who survived, apparently. And the other boy... He... He was on the dance team."

Your eyes turn wide as you pull away from your boyfriend. "H-He..."

"Jimin, Y/N. It was Jimin."

You feel like you're falling down a pitch-black abyss with no one to catch you or help you. "A-Are you sure it was him?" you manage to whisper. "What was he doing outside the dance room?" you sob, throwing yourself into Yoongi's chest as your boyfriend tries to comfort you.

"Park Jimin, yeah... It was him," Yoongi says, petting your back. "I heard from the dance captain that he was having a bad day. Something about migraines..."

You can't speak. Nor can you even think straight.

"Jimin's body was found significantly away from the other two," Yoongi says. "He could've run away."

A heavy weight tugs at your heart and you let out another sob of despair. "Yoongi, he could've thought it was fake."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you get it?? He thought it was like the bomb threat!—fake! Planned! God!" you shriek, pushing Yoongi away and standing up, starting to walk around in frantic circles. "I killed him, Yoongi! I fucking killed him!"

You collapse on the ground with your hands on your head. "I killed him..."

"You didn't kill him, Y/N," Yoongi says. He crouches down with you. "Hey, it wasn't your fault. He's the one who wasn't coming to your meetings. If he did, he would've known we weren't going to pull off a stunt like that until next year's finals."

You shake your head, hitting your forehead repeatedly with your palm. "It doesn't matter, Yoongi! I should've never faked such a serious ordeal!"

"Y/N..."

"I deserved to be out there in the quad."

"You're the students' hero, babe... Don't think otherwise."

"Oh? Really?" you scream. "If I really were a hero, then why the hell was the school shooter a student from our school, huh? I obviously wasn’t keeping everyone happy!"

Yoongi falls silent.

"I don't care what you say, Yoongi," you say, your voice shaking from anger and devastation. "I failed. I tried making a system, but it didn't work... And now, people are dead... And I never got to say goodbye..." And he was avoiding me for months. I never got to know why...

"Hey, hey. Your system is perfect, baby," Yoongi answers. "It just doesn't work on psycho murderers."

That makes sense, too.

"I'm sorry, Yoongi," you say. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess. Thank you. For comforting me. God, I'm sorry..."

"It's okay," he says. "Things will be fine." He pauses. "You know, on the bright side, they might cancel finals."

[2 years later]

The moment you graduated out of the hellhole of a school, you discontinued your idea of a school revolt, and your system collapsed without you nurturing it.

Welton High School went under investigation after hundreds of parents and students protested. Counselors were fired and replaced. Administration was put on probation. It didn't take until two students' murders to fix things.

Funny.

Three student suicides weren't enough for them to realize something was wrong with the school.

You're bitter, but you try not to let it get in your way. Jimin will never get full justice because he will never get the life he deserved back. He was supposed to win hundreds of dance competitions. He was supposed to get to the end of the path of his dreams. But his life cut him short.

You dedicate your debut novel to him.

Now, when you walk around a supermarket, a library, a bookstore, you see your book on the stands or stacked up on tables. The white cover contrasts from the title inked in a black font: To Jimin (It's About Time I Told You I Love You).

The book tells the tale of Jimin. A newborn dancer who becomes tangled in the depths of a rigorous high school. There's one twist, though.

The story is told from a girl's perspective. A girl who loves Jimin, but never admits her feelings until it's too late. She watches him grow, blossom and become a star. But she isn't there for him when he dies.

She is you.

And you think it's about time you admit to yourself that you loved Jimin. Except he probably never loved you.

—masterpost

—masterlist

[nikstersss]

Not How To Pass The PLE

Before I go into the main gist of this post, let me give you a small background story. I was a mid-year post-graduate intern in Manila who started in January 2021. I lived alone in our condo unit near the hospital I went to. My usual routine was to get up early, prep, take a short walk to the trike station where I’d take a tricycle to the hospital, go on duty, insert a coffee or carioca break in between, walk all the way home at the end of the day, then maybe have a short study session with a couple friends after dinner or just chill at home. It was a pretty good setup. But then COVID happened. Suddenly, I was a pandemic e-ntern stuck at home listening to Zoom endorsements and lectures all day. At first I was hopeful that things would somehow go back to normal and maybe I wouldn’t be spending the rest of my internship in front of a screen, but we all know how that turned out. 

I finished the first half of my internship with the regular year PGIs online. While they were prepping for their boards, I was on my second half with the new batch of interns (that’s probably you, dear reader)—still online. Now you might think that it would have been wise of me to use all that “free” time to start early with my own boards prep and you would be correct. I thought the exact same thing. And trust me, I tried. And failed. Countless times. I won’t even try to justify it. Admittedly, I still think it was a wasted opportunity to read more and make notes, but then again, there’s no use crying over spilled milk. Besides, while it would have been nice and probably less stressful, I still survived without it. Which means that you can, too. So if you’re one of those who’s berating himself because you “didn’t make the most out of your time”, cut it out. You’ll be fine.

Towards the end of my internship, I enrolled in a review center. Despite the asynchronous setup, the review schedule was super tight and the sessions already started while I was still in the middle of final reports and exams. Needless to say, I was already behind on that before it even began. In fact, I didn’t even get to focus on reviewing itself until maybe around early February because of clearance, paperwork, and application stuff. So if you were to ask me how long I really reviewed for the March 2021 boards, I’d say just a little over a month. Kasalanan ko. Wag po tularan. Stressful siya. Nakakaloka. 

And even when I did get to really buckle down and do some intense reading, I didn’t follow the program anymore. I tried to catch up at first, but I was already way behind. But I am grateful for all the summarized material because that meant I didn’t have to pore over the mother books anymore. What I will say, though, is that because I didn’t exactly follow the recommended study hours etcetera, I was able to enjoy the whole process because I did it at my own pace. Sure, there was still that dread that maybe I wasn’t on the same level as the others, but I learned to tune those thoughts out eventually. And that’s where goal-setting and discipline comes in, I guess. 

The most common question I’ve been getting is what was my day like during the PLE review season. Honestly, I’d like to say I had a routine I followed, but that’s only half-true. While I did have a structure for my day, I rarely followed it exactly. Nevertheless, allow me to share what it would have been like if I did: 

Ideally, I’d wake up at 5:00 A.M. then do my morning routine which included prayer and meditation, making my bed, taking a shower, and brewing coffee. And because I’m the type of person who enjoys these mundane activities and slow mornings, I also took this opportunity to get myself in the zone before all the studying that’s to come. I’d plan out my study goals and outline (something you can do the night before, actually) then maybe have breakfast while watching some videos (could be review-related, or those self-motivational vids, or maybe even Korean street food). I’d do whatever I wanted to wake my brain up without stressing it out too much until around 6:30 A.M. By this time, I’d work on backlogs for about an hour and study until about 10 or 11 A.M.—it depends how in the zone I am. I’d prep and cook lunch and then eat while watching Netflix maybe or even play a bit of Fortnite or Paladins until about 1:00 P.M. At this point, I’m pretty certain to be quite sleepy so it’s either I make coffee or tea, or maybe even go out to study at a coffee shop, and then it’s study all the way until 7 P.M. I then take a break to get some exercise, take a shower, have a light dinner, and if I feel like I deserve it, nap for a little bit. At around 8:30, my family usually calls and then we pray the rosary together. After this, I study again, but more of a recall and review session for the day’s progress until about 11:30. I then have my night self-care routine and then go to sleep around midnight. 

The main takeaway from the previous paragraph? “Ideally.”

During the first few days of setting up my schedule or routine, following it was already challenging, but still doable. But then the backlogs started piling up and no matter how much I tried to streamline the whole study process, I just couldn’t keep up. I did what I could to follow study habits and schedules, but the setup was falling apart. And you know what? That was okay. 

Normally, my type A self would have been so frustrated already with how poorly I was handling my review season. Admittedly, there were a few meltdowns and anxiety attacks as the exam drew nearer, but for the most part, I just let things happen as they did. I still adjusted, sure, but I wasn’t hard on myself for always having to. I kept changing goals when I didn’t meet them (which was probably 80% of the time). There were even instances where I’d finish a handout and then I’d say that okay, I’ll watch an episode for a reward, but that episode became the entire season. While I considered myself to be the most chill reviewee, I also thought I was the worst because I refused to give up any of my wants for my needs. I resisted, of course, but then they’d bug me the entire time I was studying so instead of staying productive, I’d just annoy the hell out of myself. I was probably just lazy and stubborn. LOL. Long story, short, it was a constant battle. 

There were times when I felt confident enough to power through the whole thing. I enjoyed the whole process of studying, actually. Making notes and my own ways of memorizing things was fun. I made use of different study strategies, self-checks, and motivational boosters (more on these on a different post). Aside from these, having review-mates who were just a chat away made things bearable. Breakdown session muna tas aral na ulit. And how could I forget all my sweet friends who would send over coffee ayuda every now and then? To me, passing the boards, while mainly should be for oneself and one’s self-actualization, is also about not letting down these people who have been with you throughout your journey. 

But it wasn’t always a hyped-90s-movie-transformation-montage kind of environment. Other times, I was just worn out and dejected by my lack of progress. In the already meager time I had to study, I still had plenty of off-days. Concepts just wouldn’t stick and it was disappointing how I’d already forgotten what I just read a couple days ago. It got really tiring even if I was staying indoors all the time. I missed the comfort of coffee shops and the company of study buddies. I missed my family. I wanted to hug our dog. There were days when I couldn’t even bring myself to make coffee and open my notes. I even reached a point where I was sure that I wouldn’t finish reading all the material. (I kid you not, I have handouts I never got to open.) 

Yet here I am. Here I am writing about how I survived all that and got those two letters attached to my name. I am not a good example, obviously. There are hundreds better than me and you probably should be taking advice from them instead. I’m simply writing this to tell you that you don’t have to worry. This is all just to ease your anxieties about the PLE. I’m not saying it’s an easy feat that you can just achieve just like that. While I seemed rather complacent, I still put in the work, after all. Admittedly, I know I could have done more, but again, I’m not going to dwell on that anymore. It’s done. 

My goal in writing this is to let you know, my dear future doctor, that you’re going to be just fine. Here’s someone who understands the huge disconnect that stemmed from being a pandemic e-ntern. Here’s someone who’s always been doubtful and full of anxieties about the PLE even before she filed her application at the PRC. Here’s someone who constantly prayed that the PLE be moved even for just a month (or kahit two weeks lang masaya na ako nun) up to the week before the exam along with a rising number of cases. Here’s someone who barely has the capability to maintain focus for more than an hour. Here’s someone whose reading pace was literally at 10 minutes per page (yes, I actually timed it and IDK if that’s slow or really slow). Here’s someone who still allowed herself to study at coffee shops and even have samgyup (with proper health protocols, of course) even if she knew she was drowning in backlogs. 

My point is that if I managed to pass despite all that, you can, too. My close friends know that I developed a rather funny mentality to ease the jitters as the boards drew nearer. I knew and claimed it for myself that I would already pass. I viewed the whole PLE as just a “formality”--a means for His plans of me becoming a doctor to manifest in this realm. I believed it so much to the point that I thought that no matter what bloopers and slip-ups I have during the test, I’d still see my name on the list of board passers. I’m not saying you should totally ease up and just have a come-what-may attitude. Again, I’m not the model student you should be following here. What I’m saying is to have faith in yourself, your capabilities, and in God. So chin up, Doc. Just a little more ‘til you get to legally practice with that MD at the end of your name.

[internetreadingpanda]

September 18, 2021

Dear Moon, My drinking buddy,

It has been a week since I’ve written something to you. A lot happened in the past few days. The girl I was telling you about (however I always tell you about her, anything regarding her is the highlight of my day) has finally messaged me after like 7-8 days. I can’t even express in words how happy i was to see her message. We talked for like 20 mins... but i was really happy. since the day she’s messaged everything seems so nice, and I mean it. sky looks so pretty these days, I could find art even in tiny things like summer mornings, in the view from the metro, in the eyes of an acquaintance. There is still some kinda misery and pain, yet everything feels so soothing, i can’t thank  god enough for her existence. Although, I think, there is still something strange. Sometimes she acts as if I’m her only bestfriend and I mean a lot to her and in the other moment she shows like... I’m just a regular guy she talks with. This makes me wonder, does she even think about me? because i really do think about her and you know that already. on her insta acc she has made a specific highlight for her each bestfriend and it’s so sad that I am not there. this is really heart wrenching, isn’t it? i still can’t figure out why she didn’t come to see me when i asked her out on my b’day. what if her mom doesn’t like me and she said no? or maybe, her friend told her something about me and she decided not to come? Anyway, this will always remain a mystery because I can’t bother her with these questions and I’m not again going to ask her to meet me. I hope, any miracle would happen and she’d ask me to hang out with her. at the same time I am damn sure nothing like this is ever going to happen *wipes metaphorical tears*. From now on I’ll call this girl ‘ Cezzane’  so you won’t get confused. 

My elder brother has bought this new laptop yesterday. he says he’ll learn coding in 6 months and will work to earn money. My mom supports us so much. I am really greatful to have her as my mom. She had to sold her earrings to give him this laptop, I mean, can you imagine? how can she be so generous!!! She deserves loads of happiness. She’s the reason why I’ve not gone insane yet. 

Ashu and Susu are excited to see my new laptop. They’ll come over soon. We went to Susu’s place today. Susu thought I’ll bring laptop along with me but the negative reply disappointed him. Ashu has his Science exam tomorrow so he had asked Susu if he could teach him. Susu agreed. However, his only condition was that we’ll have to behave sincerely and show some manners in front of his Mom and sis which we ofc agreed to but later ended up violating it *;((. Like every group study session, this too, ended up getting into flames. We didn’t study at all and ended up making Susu regret for calling us over (he does everytime xD). The study session didn’t well but we enjoyed a lot... i mean i went there for fun only, i am not even in their class. even we all are in different standards (’STAN’ is silent... LoL). Ashu is in 10th, Susu in 11th and I am in 12th. I and Ashu stalked Cezzane and saw her pics with her bestfriend. Ashu and I both are so jealous of him, he doesn’t show this but somehow I know. he says, how lucky he is to have Cezzane as her BESTFRIEND. I just listen to her, never reply. Deep inside I feel the same. He gets to see her daily. She texts him daily. Mayeb she even asks her how his day went. I never tell anyone but I wish to be him. He makes me insecure, h’e’s so goodlooking and cgharming. everybody loves him, most dangerous kinda guy. Even right now while writing about him, I am feeling so anxious, why is he so goooood!!!?? 

When we got bored of talking we decided to make maggi but Susu didn’t like the idea but we didn’t listen and went to the market to get maggi. Susu cooked it for us but he was really bad at it so his sis Nidhi had to  interrupt. She did it how it has to be done... thanks to her UwU. She’s really sweet. From the kitchen, she called out Susu to ask if he wants to have Cha. From his room Susu replied loudly a ‘no’ but simultaneously I and Ashu bursted out a ‘Yesssss’... damn!! it was so funny. She called us downstairs in the hall. His Mom was there too. We (I, Ashu, Susu, his Mom and Sis) all had a really great time there. It was our first time having a serious conversation with her sis. She asked her how our practise is going, why are we loosing matches, what is our backup plans if we couldn’t get into cricket. At first, to fill the silence she asked me, “have you taken science?” I told her Yes. then she asked me continuous questions regarding it, like which subject is your fav. i got so nervous that i told her i am not good at studies and i dont even know the difference between organic or inorganic chemistry. Now when I am home and writing this I am feeling so dumb. I AM AN SCIENCE STUDENT and I don’t even have the basic knowledge of it. What a shame man!!!! The good thing is, she didn’t let me feel this way at that moment. She is understanding. She herself said that she isn’t good at studies (Despite getting 90 in 10th) which is a complete lie because she guided me and I am thinking to take her help. I mean, I’ll call her if I need any help, it’s just that Susu wouldn’t mind or his family take it in some wrong ways. She made me realise I am lagging behind and I need to work hard, I don’t have time. So I decided I’ll focus on my studies from now on. But I am writing this from 2 hours...  crap!!! I’ll have to study.

Love and Lights,

Yushie ♡

[lustcdbliss]

( JENNIE KIM, 25, CISFEMALE ) I just bumped into [ OLIVIA LEE ] the other day while walking down [ WEST ] Kingsboro, where [ SHE/HER ] live. I hear they can be [ SARCASTIC ] and [ FLIRTATIOUS ], but when I think of them I immediately think about [ SILK DRESSES, ICE CREAM, CLEAN INSTAGRAM FEEDS, LAVENDER SCENT, SILVER JEWELERY ]

name: olivia hyejin lee nicknames: oli ( although she hates this one to pieces ) liv ( preferred ) birthdate: january 16th 1996 age: twenty-five (25)  place of birth: queens, ny family: mother ( annie lee [korean name choi seohyun], father ( andrew lee [ korean name lee jisung ]  satan little sister (FIRST NAME LEE) gender: cis-female ; she/her pronouns height: 5′4″ ( but in heels she’s a decent 5′6.5″ to 5′7″ ) sexual orientation: bisexual romantic orientation: biromantic diagnoses: high functioning anxiety zodiac: capricorn with insanely too many sag placements in her chart social class: middle class with high class tendencies current location: kingsboro, new york occupation: 

languages spoken.

english, korean, spanish (conversational and a bit further), italian (conversational), french (a combined possible three sentences)

wins / losses.

(+) caring, loyal, empathetic, good listener, humorous, great with advice, kind, loves to laugh, tells decent dad jokes. (-) sarcastic, flirtatious, guarded, doesn’t always speak about her problems or emotions, too giving in a sense, sometimes self deprecating, pessimistic.

fun facts.

- licensed cosmetologist. In the searching for herself phase, she managed to go to school for cosmetology while balancing her other college work in the even that the lane chosen for her wasn’t something she wanted to pursue. - fell asleep during her SATs. still got a score of 2140. - despite being born in 1996, she has a love for all things that is 90s and 00′s pop; if you needed someone to go with you on the show Beat Shazam the odds in you winning would be really high. Bonus points if the entire category is boy bands, she will sweep the entire category with her eyes closed. - wanted to be like Olivia Benson on Law & Order: SVU but realized very quickly she’d get fire because she’d choke a perp out. - has a small stature but will eat you out of a house and home - speaking of Law & Order: SVU, she’s probably seen every episode - has a terrible love and slight obsession with Buzzfeed Unsolved and Watcher because admittedly, she loves Shane Madej. This should speak a lot about her personality and character.

bio.

Olivia Hyejin Lee, well if one were to describe her, you’d need a few characters from a few TV shows to know her best. 1. Serena Van Der Woodsen, Gossip Girl. Olivia was born into money, father a high end exec that landed them in the likes of celebrities. Mother a former Miss Korea and became a socialite in the states along with her husband. The two moved from Korea to the states in the 80s, built business and money when they decided to expand their family once the footing was set. Olivia was first born, her sister not too far behind a few years later. By then, the Lee family began to see success, Jisung and Seohyun choosing more American names to fit in more with the American families they’d spend their times with. Olivia and her sister were given the best, but taught not to take it for granted. Given the world, but also known it can be taken away TW: underage drinking, underage sexual activity. 2. Brooke Davis, One Tree Hill. Like her Serena Van Der Woodsen counterpart, Olivia sees herself living the best of her life, fighting the double standard of men and women. She’s pretty on the eyes, she’s someone who’s grown up a bit affluent in the world. Liv isn’t one to know or care about why is it okay for the goose (men) and not good for the gander (women). That brings us to where the two characters meet and collide to make Olivia. Wild and eccentric in her teenage years, riddled with credit cards and money, influence and late nights that blend into private school classes in the morning, Olivia finds herself running in circles she shouldn’t. Drinking and causing a ruckus. Teenage rebellion her parents call it. Therapists say its her own way of lashing out. High functioning anxiety. When you’re trying to be the perfect kid in the spotlight and maintain that 4.0 GPA you’re told to have and be the child everyone wants you to be but you can’t because its so much pressure that all you want to do is scream--but that’s frowned upon because mom is of status and dad is amazing at what he does and your little satan sister is even amazing that you have to keep the charade. In doing so, you feel your fingers tremble and become numb, you don’t sleep much and you’re scared that one measly time you got a 95 on your exam is going to ruin and throw your entire course off. God Forbid that happens. So it becomes easier to drink the pain away. Becomes easier to stumble into someone’s bed at night, be a bit more open and loving to an extent--of course physical by means. Olivia cleans up her act--mostly thanks to medicine and the sheer fact that disappointing the family is something she’s kind of good at but doesn’t want to do anymore--and attends NYU on her own scholastic merit (she assumes, mainly) and studies Hospitality Management while juggling a side hustle of learning cosmetology. The more she kept herself busy, the better Liv was better at keeping herself distracted from relationships (spoiler alert: they all kind of failed either because they couldn’t click or she gave her all and didn’t receive the same in return. There’s also the ones that failed because she kept her walls up after a wall, but that’s a long winded story of how she started to keep her walls up in the first place, isn’t it?), the more she wouldn’t feel the ever dreading fear of failure. As of right now, she’s graduated with a her degree and opted to live in Kingsboro, Brooklyn and live in the West End with people Liv knows she’s be able to click with. She doesn’t flaunt her money, in fact she tries not to touch it because Liv wants to build from the ground up like her father did. Liv wants to start small, live in a place where she can be free, be herself at her own rules and most of all--breathe.

[brokemultidotexe]

This is more of a vent about my current situation and an update for the people that asked. It's nothing important so you can just keep scrollin. Ain't gonna hurt my feelings any.

So, I've spent the last 2 days working 13+ hour days at work. I eat a bowl of cereal in the morning and don't have time to eat during the day. I was so exhausted I had to call my husband to come pick me up. I got to work at 730 this morning and didn't leave until 10pm, and despite all that work the past two days the issue at work still isn't resolved and we have to have it resolved and tested before Friday.

I was hoping that since I no longer have to study for Sec+ exam (finally passed!!!) that I would finally get the chance to write and I'd have some extra time on my lunch break to let all the pent up creativity just flow from my fingers...but instead I'm working non stop. So not only did I not get to write, and had to work too many hours, I need to be at work by 7 (not mandatory but the govt don't wait for nobody) and the crazy thing is... I will have hit my 40 hours at 10am tomorrow. And Idk whether I should leave early or get comp time.

Also, health update....

After my fibro doctor suggest I get a sleep Study and go see a Neurologist I have finally gone through all appts.

Sleep Study: sooo we found out I apparently have hypoxia (which is something new). My oxygen levels never rose above 90 which I guess is low, most people are btwn 100 and 98. So there's that and they're sending me to a lung specialist yipee/s, I also found out why I'm so tired all the time. Out of 6 hours I only had 1hr and 45m of REM sleep, which is VERY little. So my body basically get sleep when it can.

OBGYN: endometriosis has spread again...i guess a hysterectomy didn't do shit.

Neurologist: apparently I have myoclonic seizures

Myoclonic seizures consist of sporadic jerks, usually on both sides of the body. Patients sometimes describe the jerks as brief electrical shocks. When violent, these seizures may result in dropping or involuntarily throwing objects. (I practically yeeted my phone across the room one day when a particular violent one decided to be a dick)

After all that complaining I actually do have some good news. The myoclonic seizures ended up being "benign" (that's what the Dr called it, so I dunno), but basically the way he explained it is that it's not any type of seizure that requires medicine and there's nothing I can do other than deal (I have too many illnesses like that 😭). My doctor said it's caused by my body being exhausted and his guess is after 17 years of chronic pain (and it getting worse as time passes) my body has just hit a limit. So Yay for not having MS or a type of seizure that could affect my quality of life in the future.

Damn, I wouldn't be in so much medical debt if we had Healthcare like Canada and so many other countries.

...I know all of that was mostly complaining and I'm super sorry but I just needed to get it off my chest. I'm not looking for attention or anything, I just don't want to complain toy husband constantly. I also owed a few people an update on the Dr appts and this was easier.

I've also tagged the things I deal with so if anyone wants to talk about it and/or has it and just needs a reminder that you're not alone my inbox is open. Silent Illnesses are so hard to deal with and sometimes you just need a reminder that you're not alone in that fight.

[healthtech102]

After Hours Medical Advice

As you know, and certain have in mind every day, nursing is a career that carries a huge amount of duty. Be sure to guard your self, especially when asked for advice in an informal setting.

No, Uncle Bob has cornered you within the hallway after Christmas dinner. In trying back, I realize that not as soon as during this experience did anyone INVITE me into a discussion of what could be best for my mother. 

She spent two nights in the hospital beneath remark, with IV hydration. Now, admittedly, she has varying levels of dementia even on a good day, but she reached the point of getting severe hallucinations and paranoia.

Having a whole remedy group looking out for you and preparing a discharge plan that is going to set you up for achievement. 90 days of therapy allows for the affected person to work via many of the above mentioned considerations and we treat it using an American Society of Addiction Medicine dimensional assessment. 

The general size of keep in remedy that is really helpful is often ninety days. Health safety and prevention is the key to staying healthy for the long haul. From easy blood checks and vaccines now to mammograms and colonoscopies later, your doctor might help you turn into the healthiest model of you.

Although it might appear to be a problem now, one hour in a physician’s workplace now can add years of health to your life. When we have well being questions and considerations, it’s easy to show to good ol’ WebMD for answers. And even though the Internet can be a great well being useful resource, reading about your health points online can usually lead to pointless fear and fear. Remember, you might be unique and deserve a customized evaluation. 

So instead of browsing the web for a generic, or even worse, incorrect answer, talk to a doctor in particular person to get the total image—and to cease dropping sleep over your questions (see reason number 5!). While I’ll be the primary to confess that a trip to the gynecologist’s workplace isn’t my favourite way to spend a day, annual pelvic exams are a important a part of any girl’s preventative health care.

Will we have to battle the battle of keyword voids at a grassroots degree, wrangling with the asymmetry of passion by tapping folks to search out these voids and create counter-content material? Do we need to arrange counter-GoFundMe campaigns to pay for ad campaigns that promote real science?

Do not rely on a form’s basic remark that “risks of leaving were discussed with the patient,” he says. That doesn't negate the value of those documents, however they should not be the sum complete of the hospital’s evidence displaying efforts to provide care. 

First, the hospital must reconcile any excellent diagnostics, as a result of if any checks had been ordered, the hospital is still liable for checking the results to make certain nothing critical was identified, he says.

Despite our protests, she saved making an attempt to pull out the IV fluid line from her arm and the gizmo , and tugged at her gown. The paper-thin pores and skin on her arms was black and blue from a number of blood attracts. Successful treatment begins with an correct diagnosis, and our experts take the time to get it right. 

A team of specialists will listen to your needs and evaluate your condition from each angle to make the very best plan for you. Every year, more than one million individuals come to Mayo Clinic for care.

If witnessed by RN, have them doc the time the patient left in addition to the standing of their IV. If an IV is still in place, first try to contact the affected person after which their emergency contact.

From all the information you've gathered from the Internet and your research, it's time for you to go to your physician with this data and get to know the details. It is important to decide on doctors with whom you're feeling snug.

The level of questioning I got in response to my advice was almost insulting at times. In my head, I advised these callers, “If you trusted me sufficient to name me together with your ailment, why aren’t you trusting my opinion?

Our highly specialized experts are deeply skilled in treating rare and complex circumstances. I actually have been put in this identical position so many times, that I lastly, like you, needed to tell them to contact their supplier or go to the ER/Urgent Care. 

I owned a small household follow clinic and some would actually present up there quite than going to their PCP or ER. I do perceive how onerous it is to tell them to go to their PCP’s, but I believe that is the proper motion. We love our family and pals and do not need to see them ill or in ache, however we additionally want them to obtain goal care.

 I actually have been practicing as a Nurse and APP for over 15 years now and have found, for me, robust boundaries come with time. You don’t have a look at them as patients, but as whomever they are to you.

YOUR ability to want them to be OK and not be as goal as you'd be with a affected person. Another disagreeable facet effect of trying to assist was the pushback I received.

doctor certification, from the Membership of the Royal College of General Practitioners, and checked performance towards historic outcomes from an independent 2015 examine that evaluated several symptom checkers. symptom checker seems as a chatbot that users can work together with by way of an app or web site. When the consumer varieties out their primary symptoms as a quick sentence or phrase, the symptom checker asks questions about possible related signs.

According to the NIH, 30-40% of Americans report having occasional symptoms of insomnia and 10-15% report persistent issue sleeping—with ladies representing nearly all of those affected. 

While you could assume that a poor night’s sleep simply means you’ll need an extra cup of espresso in the morning, chronic sleep problems can actually improve the lengthy-time period threat of hypertension, melancholy, and diabetes.  treatment medical disclaimer A physician’s visit can help identify attainable underlying causes for your restless nights—and get you the help you should truly get some zzzs.

 Does your family have a history of diabetes, excessive cholesterol, heart disease, cancer, or another significant illness? If so, you could be at risk for these conditions, too—and there are likely issues you can do to decrease that danger. A doctor may help you find out and work with you to determine which screening exams you want.

"Casual" could exit the window, if the individual you advise feels you have triggered them harm; together with your recommendation or deeds. State legal guidelines differ greatly and litigation can truly change the legal guidelines as time passes. So as a nursing skilled, even if your action or advice was justifiable, there isn't a safety from being sued . You might prevail and be discovered "not liable" if sued, but by then you'll have gone by way of plenty of wasted time and pointless stress.

They might help detect vaginal infections, together with sexually transmitted ailments , and should often embody a PAP smear for cervical cancer screening. Although you might have heard about some current adjustments to screening recommendations, the U.S. Preventative Services Task Force nonetheless wants women between the ages of 21 to 65 to get a Papanicolaou test (a.k.a. PAP smear) a minimum of each three years (or more incessantly when you’ve ever had abnormal results).

The lawsuit claimed that Dr M had failed to recognize the patient’s skull fracture and improperly released him when he was intoxicated, and that the delay in treating the fracture was attributable for approximately half of the affected person’s neurological deficits. Later that day, a hospital radiologist learn the affected person’s x-ray and famous a markedly depressed left parietal cranium fracture.

Or will the tech platforms where that is occuring start to grasp that giving legitimacy to health misinformation by way of high search and social rankings is profoundly dangerous? Getting excessive-quality, fact-based well being information shouldn’t be dependent on the result of SEO video games, or on who has extra assets for pay-to-play content promotion. few hours of a newborn’s life, medical doctors administer a vitamin K shot. 

This is as a result of infants are born with out sufficient of the vitamin, and the child wants a boost to prevent any potential bleeding. The documentation also should detail the discussion with the affected person regarding potential risks from leaving AMA, Merkrebs says.

The reasons for refusing additionally may be wide-ranging, every little thing from worries about the price to concern about ache or dying, or dislike of being touched, photographs, surgical procedure, or drugs. Once a affected person is examined beyond triage and exams are ordered, a departure at that time could be classified as left without completing remedy , Klauer notes.

Patients leaving the emergency room too soon “are intentionally putting themselves at extra danger for morbidity and even mortality,” Polevoi stated — a degree echoed by other physicians. Ko stated the column will proceed as long as individuals want to study totally different health subjects. Connect with a medical skilled everytime you need one, 24/7, for customized recommendation and prescription, if deemed necessary.

At the end, the symptom checker identifies possible causes and recommends a course of action, similar to reserving a video consultation with a human physician or going to a hospital. The patient and his family consulted with a plaintiff’s attorney who agreed to take the case. Dr M was shocked to find out that he was being sued for medical malpractice.

Within each of these kinds of AMA, there may be further breakdowns when it comes to why the person is leaving, he notes. The affected person might not want any care of any type, or the refusal could also be extra limited — refusing the particular kind of care being provided, as an example, but still willing to be handled.

That's to not say all of the internet is unhealthy, it is okay to make use of Google for health questions when you use a credible supply and if it prompts you to go to your doctor should you could have considerations. Without limiting the generality of the foregoing, the Author makes no representations or warranties with respect to any Information offered or offered within or via the Site relating to treatment of medical circumstances, motion, or software of treatment. 

“When sufferers convey themselves into the ED, they are seen in about 5 minutes by a qualified registered nurse and, on common, are seen by a supplier within 30 minutes of arrival,” Thomas mentioned in a press release.

From 2012 to 2017, the variety of emergency room encounters in Fresno County elevated by nearly ninety five,000, or 37%. At Fresno’s Community Regional Medical Center, about 9% of ER encounters ended with a patient leaving too quickly, greater than 3 times the statewide fee.

If no success, contact the police non-emergently to aid in finding the affected person. In this situation, the patient has not but interacted with a doctor. There isn't much to do here as long as the provider by no means met the patient, if so, they might be in a different category. 

There are no known instances the place the ED, or ED Providers, have been sued and located to be at fault or responsible for an end result. We recognized people ages with International Classification of Diseases, 9thRevision prognosis codes for infective endocarditis within the National Inpatient Sample, a representative pattern of United States hospitalizations from January 2010 to September 2015. 

We plotted unadjusted quarter-year developments for AMA discharges and used multivariable logistic regression to establish elements associated with AMA discharge among IE hospitalizations, evaluating IDU-IE to non-IDU-IE.

The police were notified, and the patient was taken from jail back to the hospital. At the hospital, he was monitored for a number of hours and then taken to surgical procedure where the depressed fracture fragments have been elevated. However, Mr G ended up suffering a brain injury from the fracture which affected his cognitive talents, and which prevented him from with the ability to hold down a job. The police knowledgeable Dr M that the patient, a 24-yr old named Mr G, had been the perpetrator of an assault and in the process was hit within the head with a blunt object by a bystander. 

The police had been called, and found him mendacity on the street, clearly intoxicated and with a bloodied head. They took him to the ED, however Mr G was uncooperative and initially refused any treatment. When most individuals hear these words, they're whispered by an overcoated stranger on the bus or a counterfeit Prada peddler gesturing towards the trunk of a car.

[erekiosuncreativeideas]

The Part-Time Puppeteer - Chapter 02

<= Chapter 1

Summary : Lukas meets some new people and discovers that almost no one is this studio has manners. Also available on AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/23828971/chapters/57463666#workskin

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YOOOO NEW CHAPTER I had started it a while ago and left it to rot until I posted the first chapter. And... I ended up writing 90% of this chapter in less than 48 hours. My old self would be so, so impressed with my current productivity.

Also.... You cannot IMAGINE how eager I was to post this chapter, mainly because of one character I fell in love with. You'll probably guess who it is by the end of this chapter. The drawing is mine, like usual. Mike's (awesome) design belongs to @levshany​.

If you like this story, don't hesitate to leave a comment or a kudo, it helps me so much !! I get so inspired and happy when I read your reaction, I'm so thankful for everyone reading my stories ! (after my 2 years long writing and art block, it feels absolutely wonderful)

Happy reading !!

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Chapter 2 - “Excuse me?”

Lukas’s family wasn’t exactly poor. His father worked in an office and his mother was a junior high school teacher, and both gained enough money to maintain the household and guarantee a higher education for Lukas. However, when the young man had announced to his parents his wish to study law in a famous university, uncertainty fell on his family. They could afford to send him to a less renowned university, though Lukas had always been a very good and serious student. The more his parents thought about it, the more they felt like they would waste their son’s potential if they refused him the future he wished for. Compromises had to be made and all the household began to think about ways to finance Lukas’s studies. Eventually, Lukas decided to take a part-time job in order to help his parents to deal with the financial situation he put them in.

Lukas was a perfectionist, even if that lead him to stay awake a few nights just to be absolutely ready for a usual test or a more important exam. Sleep was an issue for the young man: it was always in the way of his revising sessions! More often than not, he found himself falling asleep quite often during his less important lectures.

That’s why, at the present moment, Lukas couldn’t help but wonder if he was dreaming or truly awake.

All around him, people were moving very quickly, carrying extinguishers and buckets full of water. The young man didn’t have to think more as his arm was grabbed by an older stagehand, pulling him towards the huge fire in the centre of the room.

-“What are you waiting for? Use your goddamn extinguisher!” pushed the man while pointing to the flames. It seemed enough to pull Lukas back to reality and he obeyed. He joined the other stagehands trying to put the fire out and brandished his own extinguisher. He had to fiddle with it a little bit until he was able to disable the lock. Once it was done, he started spraying the flames with the extinguishing foam. The heat was almost unbearable and the proximity and movement of people around him made him even more nervous. A deafening fire alarm rang in the room, making his head hurt. He couldn’t believe that his first task as a stagehand would be to put a fire out! It wasn’t one of Lukas’s phobias, thank goodness, though it was still a very stressful experience to him. As if his student life wasn’t stressful already!

Fortunately, the flames soon disappeared under the foam, to Lukas’s great relief. He put the fire extinguisher on the ground, his arms sore for holding such a heavy object for so long. He was sweating a lot, both from the effort and from the heat. He dried his forehead with his sleeve, not caring if he was putting sweat on it. That was the least of his problems at the moment.

The student’s inner monologue was cut short as a voice was raised despite the commotion in the room:

-“Alright, people! Five-minute break, you deserved it!” The words came from an imposing dark-haired man, whose expression looked severe. He was wearing a beige shirt as well as black pants with braces. The man had a broad face, just like his shoulders.

Lukas let out another sigh of relief. No more than an hour had passed since his conversation with both of the directors and he was already glad to have a break‌. He couldn’t help but wonder if this job really was a good idea, after all… Yet, he pushed this idea out of his head: he needed the money, so until he found a better job, he would have to deal with this one. This was only temporary.

The man from before waved at him, asking him to come closer. The student was a little surprised but supposed that this person was the one in charge of all the stagehands. Lukas hadn’t been properly introduced to any of his superiors or to his job at all, in the end. It made sense that it would only happen after the huge fire. The young man obeyed and approached the other, trying to avoid bumping into the other stagehands walking all around him. He would never get used to crowded places.

-“Hell-”

Lukas didn’t get the time to introduce himself as his first word was cut short by his interlocutor:

-“Yeah, good morning,” said the man, not even looking at Lukas, his eyes scanning a document he had in his hands instead: “You’re a new stagehand, aren’t you?”

The student was frustrated at the manager’s lack of manners but decided to put his pride aside. This was only his first working day, nothing was going to be perfect, obviously. He extended his hand, forcing a polite smile on his face as he tried to answer:

-“Yes, my-”

-“Your name?” demanded the man, cutting him short once again.

Lukas could feel his annoyance start to appear on his face, though he did his best to hide it nonetheless. He certainly didn’t want to lose his job after all the trouble he went through to get it! He took a deep breath and replied, with the calmest tone he could manage:

-“I’m Lukas, Lukas Pryce.”

He didn’t see the need of saying anything else, as his interlocutor was likely going to stop him in the middle of a sentence. He took his hand back, well aware that the man wasn’t going to shake it. It apparently was the right thing to do, since said man finally looked up from his document to stare at him, examining him from top to bottom. The student didn’t like being scrutinized this way, though he did his best to stay silent and unmoving, waiting for the other man to talk again.

-“Yeah, okay. I’m Kaleb, I’m the one in charge of everything that’s happening in the backstage. I’m also your boss, but I guess you pretty much figured that out.”

Lukas only nodded, not wanting to be interrupted again. The manager rummaged through the papers he was holding and handed one of them to the student, who examined the first sentences written on it. It was a job contract.

-“You were hired on the spot, weren’t you?” questioned the man, though his tone showed it wasn’t really a question. Maybe it happened a lot more than Lukas first thought.

-“Yeah,” he replied while reading the paper he had now in his hands.

-“Well, okay, so… Technically, you’re not hired yet, so go fill that while the others and I clean this mess. Once you’re done, come back and give me your contract. Then I’ll give you some things to do until we figure out what particular position you’re going to get. Got it?”

Lukas nodded again and walked away. He spotted a white and blue folding table and chairs in a corner of the room, probably for staff breaks. Most of the seats were occupied, though some of them were still free. Thus, the student joined the seated members of the studio and put the paper down. He took a pen from his shoulder bag and started filling the document. Well, finally a calm activity! At least, minus the hubbub all around him.

However, as he was about to fill one of the last section, someone nudged him with their elbow. Surprised from the sudden contact, Lukas lifted his head, looking for the person who tried to catch his attention. His eyes fell on a young man who seemed to have the same age as him. He had black and white hair and was wearing a red turtleneck, as well as black glasses. He had a kind expression on his face. Was he a stagehand just like him? He didn’t seem to help the others, so probably not. Maybe an actor, then? His face was familiar to the student, so it could be the case.

-“You’re a new stagehand?” asked the mystery person, smiling warmly at him. Lukas couldn’t help but feel reassured at the nice expression: finally something good in this unbelievable day!

Lukas smiled back and pointed to the form he was filling:

-“Yep. Just got hired an hour ago,” he laughed, thinking back at the improbable interaction with the two movie directors. Lukas then extended his hands, not wanting to be impolite just like his new manager: “I’m Lukas.”

His interlocutor took his hand -finally, someone who had manners!- and shook it, still smiling.

-“I’m Mike. I’m the lead designer for puppets and costumes. Well, more puppets than costume these last few days…”

The mention of puppets caught the student’s attention. So, he wasn’t an actor, then. So, that still didn’t explain why his face seemed so familiar to Lukas. Why did he feel like he had seen this person somewhere before?

-“Puppets?” he repeated, amused.

-“Yeah. The team I’m in is working on a kids’ TV show, featuring puppets and stuff,” explained Mike: “But it’s only the beginning for now, they’re still looking for actors for the main cast.”

-“I had no idea this studio was making kids’ shows,” replied Lukas, amazed: “I only heard of it through the Conductor’s and DJ Grooves’s movies.”

The puppet maker laughed at his enthusiasm and shook his head:

-“Actually, that’s a first. You know how they have a hard time working together, right?” Lukas nodded and Mike continued his explanations: “Well, this time, instead of fighting over the direction, they’re trying to see if they can each focus on different aspects of the projects. The Conductor will lead the action scenes while DJ‌ Grooves will write and compose most of the songs and soundtrack. I mean, it’s already supposed to be the case usually, but they can’t help but focus on the other’s job anyway. This show is another chance of them minding their own part of the work and see how it turns out.”

The student rose his brows, surprised. Well, from what he knew about the subject, each one of their collaborations ended up having direction problems. It was quite a shame since they always had very good ideas, at least, probably before one sabotaged the other’s work.

-“Why a kids’ show, though?” questioned Lukas with a voice full of curiosity.

-“I guess it’s just a precaution process. Better to fail on a kids’ show rather than on an eagerly-awaited blockbuster, isn’t it?” supposed the costume designer.

-“Yeah, you’re right, it makes sense.”

The student looked around him, watching the stagehands cleaning the remains of the scene. He had no idea what they had been filming, but most of the props had been destroyed in the incident. They likely lost any footage in the fire which certainly wasn’t going to improve the tensions in the studio. The young man turned back to his new friend and finally asked the question he was scared to voice:

-“Uh, is it… Always like that?” he wondered, gesturing to all the people working behind them, wincing at the idea of having to deal with such problems on a daily basis. Mike laughed and gave him a sympathetic smile before replying:

-“Pretty much, yeah, sorry.”

Lukas felt the usual pain in his stomach appear from the sudden rise of stress. Not only did he have serious and important studies to deal with, but he would also need to do the same in his free time? Now, working here didn’t seem like such a good idea after all… His nervousness must have been quite visible because the other man put a hand on his shoulder to try to reassure him:

-“Hey, hey, it’s going to be okay, it’s not so bad!”

“Yeah, right,” thought Lukas sarcastically, probably showing a bit of this emotion unconsciously.

The costume designer stared into space as if he was trying to find something to say before lifting his head again, smiling at him widely:

-“Hey, wait, maybe you could work with us!” offered Mike, suddenly very inspired and motivated: “We haven’t started filming yet but we’ll definitely need stagehands soon! Plus, it’ll probably be way less wild than working on the Conductor’s action movies or DJ Grooves’s musicals. Not that I’ll have a lot to say in the matter, but I can still recommend you.”

Lukas opened his eyes wide at the suggestion. Wait, could it really be that easy?

-“You… You’d do that? Really‌?” The young man couldn’t believe it: how lucky was he being today? It was too good to be true! Karma was soon going to collect his debt at this pace…

-“Yeah!” exclaimed Mike, almost happier than Lukas himself: “You seem nice, plus you don’t have a lot of experience. It would be better for you to start working in a smaller and calmer team.”

Lukas was about to thank him for the offer when he was interrupted -again- by a loud noise coming from behind his back. The student turned around, curious about what could have caused such a loud sound. He was surprised to see a man entering the room, having slammed the door as an entrance. His hair was black and white and he was wearing a long green coat as well as black pants. The man was wearing converse shoes and round glasses. However, Lukas’s eyes widened not because of the man’s appearance or entrance but because he knew who it was. This guy was a very famous actor, one that Lukas knew very well because he had seen him in several movies by now. MJ, that was his acting name. Just like The Conductor, MJ had done his best to keep his real name a secret, for reasons most people didn’t know yet.

And suddenly, Lukas understood why Mike’s face had seemed so familiar to him: they both had the exact same face!

The student turned back to his friend with a confused expression. There was no doubt about it, he hadn’t imagined it: apart from their haircut and clothes, they looked absolutely the same. Lukas was about to ask about it but Mike forestalled his question:

-“Yeah, we’re twins,” he explained, though it was possible to see some weariness on his face. This was surely not the first time someone had asked about it. The student felt a little guilty, though it was a bit too late for that.

-“I had no idea MJ had a brother, let alone a twin,” admitted the young man, quite embarrassed.

-“We agreed to keep it a secret. I'm not a fan of the celebrity life like my brother is. I feel ill-at-ease in crowded spaces.”

Lukas rose his eyebrows, taken aback, and threw a glance at their surroundings. Welp, apparently, they didn’t have the same definition of “crowded spaces”, if all of this wasn’t bothering him. Maybe Lukas was just shier than most introverts? It was strange because he didn’t think he was much of an introvert until now. Yeah, sure, he spent a lot of time studying in his room, but it wasn’t because he didn’t like people or anything. Or so he thought. Now that he was actually in a place like this, he wasn’t so sure of it now. It did make him uncomfortable‌.

Even more, now that he knew that there were famous actors near him.

-“Hey,” greeted a voice behind him, very similar to Mike’s one. Lukas turned to the origin of the said voice and felt his heart sink in his chest when he realized that MJ had come to them. Fortunately, the actor wasn’t looking at him but at his brother. Lukas didn’t know how he would have reacted otherwise. He knew celebrities were people like everyone else, yet he couldn’t deny the sensation of stress he had at the idea of meeting one.

-“Hey,” replied Mike, with a softer tone, smiling at his twin. If they looked the same, their attitude seemed to be different. From the way MJ stood and dressed, he looked like a very assertive extrovert. Mike, on the contrary, seemed to be the complete opposite: with his red turtleneck and his very straight posture, he was the perfect image of the introvert concept.

It was like two sides of a coin: both looked like the other, yet they were not the same on many aspects.

MJ noticed the student’s stare and glanced down at him, absolutely unimpressed.

-“And who are you again?”

The actor’s tone was everything but nice or curious. The other sounded like he just asked that question because Lukas was in the way. No need to say that the young man’s frustration grew again: apparently, people had some problems with manners here. He still put his pride aside, deciding that replying to the provocative introduction wasn’t worth it. Instead, he extended his hand for what seemed like the tenth time that day:

-“My name’s Lukas,” he answered in the nicest way he could manage, then decided to be polite, for both of them at least: “I really like your movies, they’re amazing!”

His interlocutor smiled back while, in the corner of his vision, Mike looked away in embarrassment. What for? Lukas’s confusion intensified as he heard MJ’s answer:

-“Why, thank you!” replied the other, though it sounded too exaggerated to feel sincere. The latter didn’t shake his hand back either. Then, he looked above Lukas’s shoulder to read his soon-to-be-filled job contract: “Oh, are you a new stagehand?”

The question was asked in a particular way that made the student ill-at-ease. He couldn’t help but suspect the other’s niceness was completely faked. Though, he tried not to think about it and continued the conversation:

-“Yeah, I got hired a bit earlier. I helped to put out the fire.”

MJ looked around him as if he was only noticing the remains of the incident just now. His face immediately changed from cordiality to utter disgust. The sudden change unsettled the student, who didn’t know how to react. Next to them, Mike looked even more ill-at-ease than before. Why, did they have a bad relationship? Lukas couldn’t help but wonder, until MJ spoke again, making him come back to reality:

-“Okay, so this is all very interesting but-”

-“MJ, please don’t,” warned Mike, now frowning at him. Lukas had the impression that he was in the middle of a battlefield. This was extremely uncomfortable for him, who had no idea what to do with himself in the meantime.

-“What, I’m just socializing, as you told me to! Isn’t it what you want?” nagged the celebrity mischievously. Mike only glared in response. Well, this was officially more than awkward.

-“So, as I was saying…” continued the actor innocently, as if nothing just happened: “I need a coffee, two sugar lumps, no milk, and take it to my dressing room. And quick. Thanks!”

Lukas stared at the other with bewilderment.

“What?” The student was just astounded and didn’t know how to react at first. Did he hear that right?

MJ waved hypocritically at him, his true personality finally exposed. That’s why everything coming from his mouth had seemed so insincere! Just as he was about to turn away to leave, Lukas stopped him, full of mixed emotions such as confusion, surprise, but mostly irritation:

-“Uh, excuse me?” retorted the young man, absolutely offended.

MJ faked not hearing him, leaving the student and his bottled emotions seated at the table. Who did that guy take himself for?

Next to him, Mike sighed, rolling his eyes. He shook his head at Lukas in a tired way:

-“Don’t mind him, he’s like that with everyone. Except me I guess. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of the coffee.” The other stood up and gestured to the forgotten paper on the table: “you should complete that and give it back to Kaleb. I’ll speak to him as soon as I can. For now, just do as he says.”

Lukas agreed, still astonished by the interaction he just had with this so-called actor. Welp, guess he knew who was the evil twin between the two, now.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Welp. Guess who ABSOLUTELY LOVED writing MJ ? You can read more about him here (warning : SPOILERS)

Chapter 3 =>

[irrevocably-delicious]

A Brief History of LGBT+ Characters and Why the Death of Adam in Voltron is Worth Being Upset About

So uh.... Good morning.

So I think it’s pretty obvious by now that the reception to season 7 has been less than... good. The fan base has been shattered. People are upset, angry, and abandoning this series in droves (I’ve lost over 50 followers as I write this, just from people no longer wanting anything to do with this show) and have been incredibly vocal as to the reason why.

They killed Adam. 

After two weeks of receiving praise for the relationship that was revealed at San Diego Comic Con, fans discovered on Friday night that Adam’s existence would be short lived, further contributing to this popular “Bury Your Gays” trope. 

And I’ve seen people confused at this outcry. They don’t understand why people are so upset at this tiny side character’s death. What’s the big deal, right? It’s war! There’s supposed to be casualties!

And to that kind of response I have to narrow my eyes and go:

“Oh.... maybe you understand the history of this.”

Because it is a history. A rich one. “Bury your gays” isn’t a trope in the same why that “Fake dating” is a trope. It’s not popular out of coincidence and I feel like many people are ignorant of that, which is FAIR! Because most voltron fans are young, most tumblr users are young, so I don’t expect you to be watching documentaries on LGBT+ cinema in between studying for your chemistry exams. 

So that’s where I come in. Buckle in children as I take you on a journey on why the “Bury your gays” trope exists, and the harmful ramifications that it has had on the LGBT+ community since its inception.

So lets go back. Way back to the 1920′s when homosexuality, or at least homosexuality adjacent themes were seen on screen. 

A time where a bro could kiss his bro, and it was seen as heart wrenching and realistic (Wings, 1927). A time where Marlene Dietrich could wear a suit better than a man, and flirt and kiss a lady just because she fucking could (Morocco, 1930). A time where gender roles were a bit looser, and there wouldn’t be an outcry over such imagery.

But as the great depression continued, and film producers became desperate to get butts in seats at the cinema, these LGBT+ themes became outright explicit. Raunchy even. Used for titillation and shock value. 

“Have you seen that new picture, Doris? The one where the roman emperor has the hot male sex slave?? Mmmmm scandalous!”

But with this rise of LGBT+ characters and interactions used for shock value, also came the rise of public outcry. The catholic church (those debbie downers) started boycotting films. This lead to the formation of the PRODUCTION CODE, which is a fancy way to say THE CODE THAT WILL NOW CENSOR THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR FILMS in 1934.

Backed by catholic activists, the code made it impossible for LGBT+ representation to exist on film. 

But did they?? See, this is actually were we start to see the development of “Queer coding”. Where actors and directors got savvy, and let you know a character was gay, whilst never explicitly stating so. It was subtle enough that it got past censors, but clear enough that audience members, especially LGBT+ people, got clued in.

Yeah Peter Lorre, you put that phallus shaped object next to your mouth a lot. They’ll get what your implying, don’t you worry. 

Oh, I’m sorry.... did i say you couldn’t have LGBT+ characters?? My mistake, you totally fucking could. Explicitly even.... if they were the villain. Religious people were totally cool if the villain in your film was LGBT+, because to them, that’s what LGBT+ people were.... villains. 

Film’s like Rebecca, Dracula’s Daughter, and Alfred Hitchcock’s Rope all centre around truly horrifying and despicable villains... who are all gay. LGBT+ villains became such a staple in horror films during this time that it lead to a whole near character archetype! We have the damsel in distress, the heroic soldier, the wise old man, now welcome the rise of the: 

PSYCHO QUEER.

Yikes. 

But why I’m talking about this so much is because this popularity in LGBT+ villains is what creates the “Bury your Gays” trope. 

Because the villains.... always die. 

It’s their comeuppance. Their karma. Of course bad people will die and the heroes will go one to live a happy life! But what crime are we punishing these villains for? 

The message these movies gets across to their audiences is that “If you are gay, you are a bad person... and bad people deserve to die”. Because Gay and villain were so synonymous with each other, they become one in the same, and as we all know by now REPRESENTATION MATTERS.

This influences how society views LGBT+ people, so that in 1952, when the PRODUCTION CODE of YOU BETTER NOT CONDONE ANYTHING SINFUL IN HERE BECAUSE JESUS DOESN’T LIKE THAT is torn down, things still don’t get much better for LGBT+ representation. 

LGBT+ characters no longer have to be villains, but society is still not super cool with LGBT+ people, so now we get a new archetype: The self hating tragic gay character. And often? These characters kill themselves, such as in 1961′s The Children’s Hour. Because this is palatable to audiences who do not condone homosexuality in any way, but watching an LGBT+ struggle with themselves? Watching them become overwhelmed by guilt and hatred until they decide that death is the only way out? How tragic! How cursed they are! How pitiful! How... marketable. 

But to see LGBT+ characters end up happy? Audiences at this time would not have stomached it, because to them, being LGBT was immoral and these characters were not deserving of happiness. A good analogy might be how modern audiences would view a film with a drug addict character in it. The addict either succumbs to their addiction and dies tragically, or they “Go straight” and have a happy ending. For these audiences in the 50s and 60s the only happy ending was a straight ending. 

Then in 1969 we get the Stonewall Riots, and in the 1970s things actually look alright.

That is until the 1980s and society finds a new reason to hate, fear and vilify LGBT+ people. The AIDS crisis wipes out lives and almost all positive representation in the media. This fear is echoed in film as LGBT+ people become villains again. Sleepaway Camp and Cruising are such examples. 

The 90′s are better. Whilst mainstream cinema is still vilifying LGBT+ in the 80s, more positive independent films still exist, and the success of the 1991 documentary Paris is Burning prompts Hollywood to go “Hey... maybe we can get some money if we pander to these LGBT+ folks”.

There is a brief period in the 90s where gay comedies like The Birdcage, In and Out, and To Wong Foo are allowed to exist. They’re comedies. The stereotypes are played for laughs, but there is a level of joy and care with these movies where even though these characters are making us laugh... for once we’re not laughing at them. We love these characters. We want them to succeed. No. One. Dies. 

It smells like progress. Finally.

Or at least it would. Because these films also exist in the same decade that Philadelphia wins Oscars and the musical Rent is winning Tonys. Both of these deal with the tragedy of the AIDS crisis and have main characters die from the disease. Am I going to point out that Rent has four characters suffering from AIDS, but the only one to die is the Trans-coded poc gay man? Yes. Yes I am. Meanwhile the heterosexual couple suffering from AIDS gets a happy ending.

Interesting. 

I hate you Rent. I hate you so goddamned much.

Also the 90s sees a good return to queer-coding villains. It’s always been there. It’s never really gone away, but I need to talk about the queer coding of 90′s villains because I’m sure all of you will actually recognise them.

Ah. There They are. Queer coding and Disney have a very rich history, which MANY articles have been written on. One might even say that it’s a... tale as old as time.

Mmmm no thank you. 

But why it is so rampant, particularly in animated films, is because the films have a limited run time. 

“We need to convince the audience that these characters are villains IMMEDIATELY. We don’t really have the time to waste on developing them and showing all their evil actions. We need audiences to believe when we tell them that these characters are bad. how do we do that?”

“.... make them kinda gay??”

That’s not actually how the conversation went in the board room, I’m sure, but it’s a very reduced down version. Because of the history of LGBT+ villains in the early years of cinema, animation relies on the stereotypes of villainous characters... well unfortunately those villains of old were LGBT+, so now we have LGBT+ stereotypes being passed on to new villains. 

Anyway, my point is that almost all Disney villains die. Sorry that’s where I was going with this. Most of them die. The “Bury your Gays” trope is repeated here because of the villain’s queer coding. It’s not obvious, but the subtext is “Hey, if you’re a bit effeminate or do things outside of your strict gender role? Mmmmmm you deserve to die.”

“Bury your Gays” continues in modern media. Despite the importance of Brokeback Mountain, which explicitly shows a romance and intimacy between two men... Jake Gyllenhaal’s character still dies, and it’s implied that it may be due to a hate crime. 

We see it in television. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Downton Abbey, Arrow, there was a massive outcry over the trope in The 100 when a female character, after just entering an intimate relationship with another female character, is killed off seemingly senselessly. 

The LGBT+ community is tired of only seeing themselves killed for shock value, character growth, or tragedy. Even Ru Paul’s Drag Race has come under fire in recent years for seemingly exploiting its contestants traumatic histories for ratings. 

This is why this year’s Love, Simon was so important. The film portrays an adolescent gay character as he struggles with being open with his sexuality and finding a meaningful relationship. Simon is portrayed as a sympathetic character. He’s the hero.

And he gets a happy ending.

This is why Korrasami, a same-sex relationship in children’s media, is so important. It shows two girls achieving their happy ending together.

It’s why in the same year that Steven Universe portrays a same sex wedding, Adam’s death feels like such a step backwards. 

The producers have stated that Adam’s death was supposed to raise the stakes of the season, it was supposed to make viewers realise the severity of the situation and overcome them with a feeling of loss, but Adam’s death doesn’t just fail the LGBT+ fans... it fails to effect viewers emotionally.

Because audiences can’t mourn a character that they have no connection with.

Most of Adam’s character was developed in interviews and not in the show, where he only spoke for one scene. The creators talked about the deep relationship between Adam and Shiro, but none of that is actually visible in the series. Taking the season at face value, Adam is just some guy who’s connected to Shiro that is killed off unceremoniously. He wasn’t even given the dignity of  hero’s death, taking out even one enemy before he died. That’s what hurts the most.

His death is meaningless. It does nothing. It’s pointless.

But of course “There’s still Shiro, right?”, which is true. Shiro still exists and is confirmed a mlm, which is important, but it’s understandable why fans may not be satisfied with this. Let’s take a closer look at Shiro.

I often joke with my friends that Voltron should be renamed Shiro Suffers: The Series, because out of all the characters in the show, Shiro has definitely endured and been subjected to the worst (you could argue that Allura has, but Shiro has the joy of being tortured emotionally and physically, so I feel he wins). 

The writers have tried to kill him numerous times, with only toy sales saving him. He’s been beaten, tortured, terminally ill, killed, revived, possessed and used... it’s a lot. In the old days, I used to ship shallura, not really out of feeling a real romantic connection between the characters, but just because I wanted Shiro to have someone. Someone to help support him. Someone he could open up about his struggles with. The paladins mean a lot to Shiro, but because he is their surrogate guardian, he cannot open up to them like this. He cannot show the paladins weakness, and we see this in how he keeps his disease a secret from Keith, because he does not want to burden Keith with his struggle. 

The introduction of Adam wasn’t just exciting because of the potential of seeing a caring LGBT+ relationship, but because it gave fans hope that Shiro would have someone. There was the potential that Shiro might finally gain some kind of supportive relationship outside of his strict roles of “leader” and “guardian”.

Adam’s death removes that possibility. Despite how caring, generous, strong, intelligent, kind, patient and capable Shiro is written... his life is fucking awful. It’s very telling that in the final scene of the season, when every other paladin is in the hospital surrounded by their family and loved ones, Shiro is alone. He’s on a stage, giving a rousing speech to a crowd, still trapped in this role as an inspirational leader.

God, they don’t even let Shiro mourn Adam. Does he feel guilty that he was the one who supposed to die, whilst Adam lived, but now their roles are reversed?We’ll never know. Adam’s death doesn’t even give some insight into Shiro’s character. It’s truly pointless.

Season 7 of Voltron has made it clear that this is not a kids show.  This is a serious show with dark themes. The writers want it to be taken more seriously.

Then I will critique it more seriously.

While I strongly doubt it was intentional, season 7 perpetuates the age old message “If you are LGBT+, you will not achieve a happy ending.” The “Bury your Gays” trope is steeped in a history of oppression, censorship, and vilification. When Adam dies, you’re not just seeing a character die, but you’re seeing the series make a conscious decision to participate in this oppressive trope. And it stings even more because the series sets two heterosexual relationships to potentially end in happiness, whilst the LGBT+ relationships have already ended in tragedy.

Why Adam? Why not literally anyone else? We had no connection to him, so it’s not like they could have used a handful of other characters for the same effect. (Kill James. Fuck that guy. And he’s young so it really would have hurt.)

And that’s what you have to question. This is why fans are upset.

I’m not writing this to convince anyone to boycott the show, or plead with you to stop watching. That’s up to you and your own belief system. I definitely do not condone harassing the writers or voice actors.

I just want people to understand why fans are so upset over season 7, and that they have every right to be. To state that the outcry is just because “fans didn’t see their ships become canon” is dismissive and cruel. Adam and Shiro’s relationship was heavily used in marketing by Netflix, so much so that you could call it queer-baiting. It was hyped at SDCC and explained as this deep and meaningful relationship, whilst the producers knew what Adam’s fate would be the whole time. 

I know producers have to answer to higher ups. I know the crew were largely on edge about what would get approved and what would not. 

But the point remains... they still made this conscious choice. Fans don’t have to be happy about it. They shouldn’t be. 

I have no idea what season 8 will bring, and at this point I feel like it might be a mess. But I encourage fans to support each other and be vocal about why you’re upset. You can’t change this show, but there’s hope that another series could learn from this. 

History repeats. Until we don’t let it. 

[a-robin-among-thorns]

Show Your Work

Word Count: 1,592

This started out as a little rambling inspired by a cute tumblr post but ended up being something cathartic during my own finals week. Either way forgive me for not being very present lately. 

Of her reasons for attending the college what had thus far borne the most apparent fruit was Chise’s desire to experience the normal life of a girl her age. Well, as normal as life could be in an underground secret facility of Alchemist, Inhumans and talking cats. And she was currently facing down perhaps the greatest equalizer of all academia: Finals. 

The gauntlet thus far had been fierce. Latin and economics had left many victims in its wake at the start of the week, herself only just managing to scrape by. She was given one day of sanctuary before having to return to battle for Magical Theory earlier that evening. The final trial awaited her in the morning. 

It was Thursday night while she ate dinner that evening. Although she had given a convincing performance of appearing unaffected, her current motions of dinner where all a front to appease the Silver One’s rath. If given the choice she would have holed herself off to study until the late hours of the night, her tummy too restless to allow food, but the entire manor had made their displeasure with the said course of action well known. She was forced into self-preservation whether she liked it or not. 

At that thought she huffed a small grin around her soup, a sound quickly picked up on from her worry wort mage across the table. He eyed her curiously as he often did when a matter of human interaction was just out of his understanding. Fragrant orange soup silenced the action as it slid past her lips and down her throat. Chise did not wish to belittle Elias’ questions, but her energy would be needed elsewhere in the coming hours.   

Her spoon clinked gently on her napkin. “Thank you for dinner Silver.” Chise praised as she tidied her mouth with a napkin. “I’m going to get ready for bed.”

The curiosity Chise had hoped to distract in Elias’ eyes, instead bloomed and refocused. His head swiveled to the clock, confirmed his suspicions, and returned to her. “It’s awful early for bed, is something wrong?”

“Nothings wrong!” She answered a bit too eagerly for her liking, “I’ll just be leaving for class early tomorrow.” Chise said across the dinner table.

Taken aback Elias placed his teacup on its saucer, focusing his complete attention on Her. “Why is that? I had thought your exam didn’t begin until 10:30?”

Chise sighed, “it does but I want to get a few good study hours in beforehand.”

“There is no need to strain yourself.” He urged gently. “You’ve studied plenty and you’ve done well in chemistry thus far.” 

“I know, I know” She sighed knowing on some instinctual level that he was right and she was being silly, “but I’m teetering right at 90 percent. I don’t want to make a mistake and fall to a B.” She stood to avoid further questions and quickly placed her plates in the sink. She shouted goodnight over her shoulder and hurried up the stairs. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Ruth echoed in her mind. His desire to ensure his master was not straining herself permeated his mental presence, nestled alongside his desire to finish her uneaten carrot stew. “I am,” she assured uncertain if he had been convinced. But feeling the odd sensation of carrots and ginger intermingling among her senses as she brushed her teeth, Chise chose to believe Ruth had found some peace with the decision. 

As she opened the door to the bedroom she blinked in surprise. At the bed’s edge stood Elias buttoning up his nightshirt. “What are you doing?” She asked dumbfounded.

“Preparing for bed.” He answered still absorbed in the task at hand. 

“How come?” Chise rose an eyebrow, Elias rarely went to bed past midnight. 

“So I can come with you tomorrow.”

“Oh,” she rose her hands defensively, “You don’t need to do that, didn’t you already present your final today? You should enjoy the day off.”

The last button slipped through its hole underneath the shirt collar. “Now how could I do that if you weren’t here?” He said missing the bloom across Chise’s face. “Besides, you can study in my quarters. It’s more comfortable than the student lounge. And fewer distractions I’d suppose.” He finally turned, fully acknowledging her presence in the room. “Unless you don’t want to, of course.”

Guiltily, her eyes searched the room aimlessly. “No, it’s not that I just...planned on leaving very early, before sunrise…” Chise’s words were swallowed down her throat as Elias crossed the room taking her cheek in hand.

“I can deal with an early morning if it means ensuring your safe arrival.” He nuzzled her temple affectionately. 

“Well...ok,” She relented. “...but don’t feel like you have to.”

——

A musical tune that would have been pleasant under any other circumstance jostled Chise out of her warm sanctuary of sleep and blankets. She snapped her eyes open quick to grab her phone off the nightstand and silence the alarm. Breathing deeply she forced herself to sit upright in darkness untouched by sunlight. Beside her lay Elias’ still comatose form, his back rising and falling to the rhythm of a gentle rumble. She knew what he said last night but still couldn’t bring herself to break him out of his slumber needlessly. 

Slowly she pulled back the comforter and lower herself lightly to stand. The bed creaked as her weight left the bed and she froze. Elias’ breathing hitched dissolving into a grumble. Chise stood still hoping he would fall back asleep, to no avail. Elias rose to his elbows yawning loudly. “G’ morning, Chi...se. Give me a couple...minutes I’ll get dressed.” 

A tight line formed on Chise’s lips. “Elias...really, you don’t have to..”

“I know but I…” He yawned again shaking his head as he stood, “want to.” 

All further attempts at protest met similar counters until Ruth glaring up from his restful spot in Chise’s lamplit shadow finally silenced her.

Groggily they got dressed and downed the tea and toast Silver had set out for them. Soon they were off through the countryside, through the phone box short cut and walking into the college. The artificial sun that rarely reflected an accurate time of day burned their eyes as they made their way to the professors' quarters where Elias’ private room resided. 

Chise had to admit that Elias was right that his room was more comfortable and quiet than the study rooms. Despite the early hour, they had already come across a handful of sleep-deprived students chattering and cramming in the halls. There was still one distinct problem though, the only surface suitable for Chise to study on was Elias’ desk, where he had already sat down. 

“Um, Elias may I…” 

He patted his knee in invitation. Not what she meant but she didn’t have any objections. She sat down on his lap where he immediately wrapped his arms around her waist in what was now familiar affection. She located her textbook from her bag placing it open on the desk. She went over the practice problems, an anxious jitter set in her knee and fingers. 

“You are tense,” Elias stated causing Chise to jump. “You have studied well,” His hands caressed her belly fondly, “You have nothing to worry about.” 

Chise sighed, “I know, it’s just...I can’t help but worry about it. Even though I know I’m prepared and I’ve done well before.” The words Elias and others had told her in earnest attempts at comfort found their way onto her tongue. She wasn’t upset that they had tried to assure her, quite the opposite. But she felt shameful that despite her efforts the words had reached her brain and not her heart. “I suppose I’m just scared that I won’t be able to do well again. That my success so far has been a coincidence. I have a hard time believing I can do it.”

The gentle rumbling that often signified that Elias was carefully weighing his words vibrated against her. “Students far less driven and talented than you have succeeded before you. I should know a handful have taken my course.” Chise snickered despite herself. “Besides,” He angled his skull onto her shoulder, meeting her eyes sidelong, “even if you fail, the exam does not determine your worth. Neither as a student nor a person.” 

Chise’s hand stilled at his words.

“That said, you know the material better than you think, just review and…” His words were cut off by a snore as his head slumped against her shoulder. The lights of his eyes snuffed out like birthday candles. Chise snorted. “Thank you, Elias.” She cupped his cheek, nuzzling affectionately before she returned to her practice problems. The clock ticking was much less foreboding while surrounded by the comforting weight of her husband embracing her punctuated by his steady breath.

—— 

Come 10:30 Chise was standing outside the chemistry classroom. Her fingers still fretted nervously, but her feet felt grounded and firm. She looked down the hall where Elias and Ruth stood. Ruth flashed a thumbs up, although he still appeared somewhat grumpy that familiars were not allowed in the testing area. Elias waved as his eyes curved in a smile. Chise waved back before a creak broke the silence in the hall. The door opened and students poured into their desks reading the board instructions briefly before diving into their papers. 

Chise read the first question and smiled to herself. He was right, she did know the material better than she thought. 

[bloomeng]

MDZS/Hogwarts au Headcanons

This au is a classic, but per usual I have opinions so here we go. (Also let’s pretend we do not see you know who)

All the patronuses are based on the official list and descriptions (I’ll leave the link below).

Wei Wuxian:

Gryffindor

Do I even need to make an arguement for this??

Patronus: Crow or Dolphin (I genuinely can’t decide)

Has friends in all houses and floats around among the tables in the great hall

Has been in all the houses common rooms tho

Probably good at most subjects, but he is amazing at defense against the dark arts

Definitely plays Quidditch, and is definitely the seeker too

Y’know typical over-achiver, star of the show, but without really trying

Steals books from the resticted section, not because he wants to read them, just because he was told they were off limits

He also steals food from the kitchen on his way back from the Hufflepuff common room (visiting Yanli ofc)

Is the kid that looses all of the points for his house, which means he also has most of the names in trophy room memorized (just from the sheer amount of time he’s had to clean them in detention)

Curfew is more of a suggestion, in his opinion nightime is the best time to roam the castle

He’s ended up in the hospital wing so many times that he basically has a bed reserved

Jiang Cheng:

Gryffindor

Between the loyalty, courage, ambition to “attempt the impossible,” and secret heart of gold, he could rival wwx’s Gryffindor spirit

Patronus: Chow Dog

Grumpily follows around during his misadeventures to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself

Or rather he’s the one who drags wwx’s ass to the hospital wing when he does hurt himself

Only one out of the trio (wwx, nhs, jc) who actaully studies

Hates divination, thinks it’s all a hoax, and it bugs the crap out of him that nhs actually belives in it

Is the captain of the Quidditch team, started as a chaser but now he’s the keeper

Was chosen to be a prefect

His favorite perk is the fancy bathtub, which nhs has definitely bribed him to gain access to

Shares his dorm with wwx, and he’s always complaining how he has to drag him out of bed

Lan Wangji:

Ravenclaw

He do be out here being super creative with that Guqin, and also owning our asses with his intelligence

Patronus: Wild Rabbit

I’d estimate that he spent 90% of the first 3 years of school in the library

Insert intense glaring at wwx as he tries to sneak into the restricted section

Somehow missed that wwx played Quidditch until his brother dragged him to a game

Needless to say he never missed a Gryffindor game after that

Somehow he managed to score one point off of a perfect grade on his OWL

Y’all already know he’d be a prefect, do I even need to say it

His favorite place in the castle is the window seat in Ravenclaw tower

Pretends to protest wwx sneaking into his common room

Imagine: Wangxian Hogsmeade dates and wwx trying to get him to wear his Quidditch jersey

Lan Xichen:

Hufflepuff

Although I feel like you could make a strong case for Ravenclaw, but the compassion and open-mindedness wins out

Patronous: White Swan

Professors love him, even Snape manages to tolerate him, probably by his 5th year he’s friends with half his professors

His favorite class is herbology but he’s also really good at charms and transfiguration

Owns an owl that he shares with his brother that he named something dumb like “Harold”

Has the Daily Prophet delievered every morning, and always thanks “Harold”

He grew up in a pure blood family so he is fascinated by muggle culture, and he is constantly asking jgy questions

Once jgy shared music from his ipod (yknow like one of the og ipods) and it blew his mind

Probably tried to help the house elves in the kitchen at some point, but was kicked out because he caused more damage then actual help

Somehow he was made a prefect in his fourth year???

He just roots for the under dog in Quidditch games, which often leads to a friendly competition between he and his brother (Gryffindor is never the underdog, not with wwx and jc on the team)

Nie Huaisang:

Slytherin

Again do I even need to make a case for this???

Patronus: Sparrow

Doesn’t even try and hide the fact that he let’s wwx and jc into the Slytherin common room

Often sits at the Gryffindor table because he wants to sit with wwx and jc

Instead of studying, he is constantly trying to find ways to cheat by designing bewitched items

By his 7th year he has his own business selling his cheats

His favorite class is divination, everyone assumes it’s because he’s a believer, but in reality he finds the subject hilarious and he’s amazed how a scam can go so far as to have a full educational class dedicated to it

Forged his brother’s signature on the Hogsmeade form, because Mingjue told him he wasn’t allowed to go if he was failing a class

Can’t fly a broom for the life of him

Barely passed his OWLS

In general he’s far more concerned with gossip and playing match-maker then doing any of this school work (who do you think told lxc to bring lwj to a Gryffinsor Quidditch game??)

(My monkey Xiyao controled brain likes to think that he’s been trying to set the two of them up for years, but that might just be me)

Jin Guangyao:

Slytherin

AGAIN do I really need to explain my thought process on this??? He’s cunning and manipulative, case closed, I do not take critism

Patronus: Grass Snake

Struggles in conjouring magic, but makes up for it in written work and testing

In general he works very hard and is most likely top of his class, despite the lack of natural ability

His favorite class is potions, because it’s simply a matter of following directions

The first friend he made was lxc after realizing as first years that they had really similar class schedules and decided to study together

His mother was a muggle, and thus he was raised in the muggle world, so there’s a lot of prejudice from his housemates

Every once in awhile he’ll quietly ask lxc to explain something about the wizarding world

To the annoyance of his house, he was made a prefect

Somewhere along the way he befriended nhs

The relationship dynamic is as follows: jgy forces nhs to study, while nhs forces him to come with him to Hogsmeade (mainly so that he doesn’t have to pay for his own food)

Jiang Yanli:

Hufflepuff

She’s just so sweet, compassionate, and kind not to be a Hufflepuff

Patronus: Doe

Her favorite classes are Herbology and Care for Magical Creatures

She’s really good with animals

She read that you were allowed to bring an animal and immediately went out to buy a cat

Buys wwx snacks on the Hogwarts Express, even though she made him lunch

She brought a phonograph and a collection of records from home, and set it up in the common room

No one knows where it came from, but people started to slowly add to the collection of records

Now the common room is just constantly filled with music

Lxc knows it was her, but he didn’t see the harm in letting it stay, so he let it be (plus he also enjoys music)

She goes to Quidditch games and roots for Gryffindor despite... not being in Gryffindor (she’s a supportive sister)

Spent most of her 4th year stopping wwx from fighting Jin Zixuan (the year before she started dating him)

She really do be living the cliche dream of the Hufflepuff/Slytherin relationship

Jin Zixuan:

Slytherin

He’s the typical pompous, preppy, asshole, that people assiociate with Slytherins

Patronus: Peacock

The first thing he did when he got to Hogwarts was set up his side of the dorm room to make it more up to his “standards”

His dad tried to convince him to play Quidditch, but he refused

Basically ignores jgy’s existence.... even though they’re in the same house

Loathes herbology because it requires getting his hands dirty

Is racist(?) towards muggleborns

He always has a mob of girls surrounding him at all times, yet doesn’t know how to properly process his own feelings for Yanli

I’d say he’s trying his best but that would be a lie, he thinks he’s doing the most though

He takes school very seriously, and he scored pretty well on his OWLS

One time in potions something went wrong and his potion blew up in his face quite literally, and wwx hasn’t let him live that down

Xue Yang:

Slytherin

He is bad man grrrrrr and a sly bastard, so ofc he’s the house of snek

Patronus: Weasel

Everyone hates him, his professors, his housemates, even the ghosts avoid him

Except Peeves, in fact Peeves love him

Probably because he’s constantly messing with people

He’s the only person to rival wwx’s detention record

He is fantastic at defense against the dark arts

He likes to mess with Trelawney by purposely making death omens in his readings

He just doesn’t do assignments, yet does really well on exams and passes???

Snape would vouch for him, that’s the vibe I get

He plays as a beater on his Quidditch team, and he’s known for knocking people out

Xiao Xingchen:

Hufflepuff

He’s kind, selfless, and is always trying to see the good in people, which screams Hufflepuff

Patronus: Dragonfly

Is really good with charms

Even though he’s of age, he hates appariting and will do a lot to avoid it

Runs group study sessions, with the help of sl

A big activist in freeing house elves working for old families

Stops to have full conversations with the paintings

Is the only person in the school that tries to be friendly to Xue Yang

Song Lan:

Ravenclaw

He seems to have that very principled and intelligent nature of a Ravenclaw

Patronus: Dun Stallion

He doesn’t really have a lot of friends outside of xxc, but he doesn’t seem to mind

He’s that one person who actually enjoys professor Binns’ History of Magic class

He lets xxc drag him to Hogsmeade, even though the crowded shops make him uncomfortable

Shh it’s a secret but he also has a major sweet tooth and he will buy a shit ton of candy

Because of his scary amount of knowledge of Hogwarts and its history, he managed to find the room of requirement

So he and xxc end up moving their study sessions there when their group size outgrows the library

Anyway that’s all for now, but if you have a request be sure to ask!

Anyway I’m proud of the patronus choices I made for these, mostly. I know that it’s inevitable that someone will disagree with the house placements, so just note that these are purely my opinons.

Patronus info link: